#i am currently feeling....sleepy. so i might go to bed early.

[tojixz]

Masterlist

Pairing: Jake Sully x Fem!Reader

Notes: I am definitely horrible at English, forgive me for any mistakes or if I seem too formal.

Anyway, this is not only my first post, but my first fanfic!

So, yeah, it might suck… BUT I really wanted to try something, especially of my favorite movie since its first release 💞

Well, enjoy! And again, sorry if it's bad

Summary: The reader is in Neytiri's shoes (that hurts me) and is currently pregnant with Tuk, and with pregnancy comes its stages. Just Jake and his family looking out for Mommy!

Warnings: Vomiting, pregnancy problems, fluffy!! I don't know how to mark.

Word Count: 1,6k

Tìyawn (n) - Love 'Itan (n) - Son

Part two | Part three

"Dad."

"Daddy, wake up!"

With a muffled sigh, Jake reluctantly opens his eyes. His eyes burn from the lack of hours of sleep and his fatigue. He waits for his eyes to adjust their focus on a little blue face just above him.

"What happened?", Jake props himself up on his elbow as he looks around alarmed trying to find any sign of danger.

"It's Mom, she rushed out of our tent. She doesn't look well at all, and well, we didn't know what to do", Neteyam said with a worried look on his face, watching his father sit up and reason through the situation. It was still early in the morning and he really hadn't been able to sleep properly the last few days because of his responsibilities as Olo'eyktan and, well, as a father of three children.

Lo'ak and Kiri were also awake, equally worried waiting for some response coming from their father.

"Okay, fine. Thanks for letting me know. Where is she now?", Jake asked looking at his children as he stood up.

"Outside by the trees."

"Okay, go back to sleep, I will take care of your mother", Jake's voice contained concern, but he did his best to mask it and not worry his children further.

Kiri looked at her father in disbelief, stepping in front of him and stopping his passage, "Let's not go to sleep knowing something is wrong with Mom! Daddy, I want to help."

"It's okay babygirl, I'll take care of it. Then go back to bed now, I don't want to see anyone sleepy when they wake up!"

"But Dad-"

"That's all", Jake narrowed his eyes at the three of them and nodded his head towards the bed, Then he turned and hurried away to come to you.

You definitely weren't feeling well. You were experiencing frequent vomiting and dizziness, and you also felt weaker and more tired. Despite this, you were used to it from your other times of pregnancy.

Anyway, today was not an abnormal day. You woke up sweating along with a sour feeling in your throat. You immediately ran to the middle of the trees to get whatever was in your stomach out, taking as much care as possible not to wake any of your children and even your husband who deserved to rest, even more so with the stress he had been under in the last weeks because of problems in the clan.

The early morning air relieved the intense heat you felt throughout your body. You breathed for a few seconds and then finally got rid of the horrible feeling that persisted in settling in your throat.

As you recovered from the episode, you paid no attention to the cautious footsteps behind you and jumped when you felt large hands on your neck caressing them. Your ear crunched against your skull as your head turned full back to detect the intruder.

"Hey, hey, calm down, it's me, Jake", he said stopping in front of you and showing that he wasn't some kind of predator or anything.

"Ah, damn it Jake! Don't sneak up on people like that!", you hissed at him as you slapped his arm.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry", Jake put his hands on your head caressing you as he said, "So, is everything okay? Why didn't you wake me up to help you?"

You looked away from Jake's face ashamed of the state you were in. There was no reason to be embarrassed, this was common and it's not like this was your first time, you knew that. But you still felt uncomfortable waking Jake who was sleeping so peacefully, "It's just…. I could handle it on my own, there was no reason to bother you."

Jake sighed, turning you towards him as he placed his hands on your neck lightly brushing your cheeks, "Honey, no matter what the situation, you will never be a bother to me. Even more so when it involves you and my baby", Jake concluded by placing a kiss on your nose and pressing your foreheads together.

Her heart filled with love. You don't know how much good you did in life to have a family as beautiful as yours. Jake and your children were the greatest blessing the Great Mother could give you.

You smiled, resting your hands on Jake's arm. You just enjoyed that moment with him for a few seconds, and then said, "I love you, Ma'Jake."

Jake wrapped his arms around you in a tight embrace, savoring the warmth and presence of his mate, the one who gave him the most beautiful family in existence, one he could never have imagined having. The one who blessed her mornings and made her heart melt when she heard her groggy voice when she woke up. "I love you too, tiyawn. But you really need to call me when you're not feeling well."

You let out a small laugh at your husband's concern and just murmured, "Okay, I count on your protection."

You both stood there for a few minutes, just feeling each other's presence and exchanging caresses while listening to the various noises coming from the forest.

"We should head back now, I'm better", you said pulling away from Jake, taking his hand and starting to pull him back to their shared tent.

"Wait, wait", Jake stopped his steps, approaching you again as he placed one of his hands on your stomach, lightly rubbing the small bulge that stood out on your belly, "Is the baby okay?"

You looked at Jake in surprise at the sudden question. Placing your hand over Jake's hand, you let out a minimally loud laugh, "He's fine Jake Sully. The baby is healthy. Now come on", you took his hand and walked back to the tent once more. "We have other babies to take care of."

Jake let out a playful snort as he followed his majestic companion back home.

As soon as you entered the hut, you were able to hear murmurs coming from the heap of little bodies in the hammock. You assumed that your little ones were just having dreams, but then your thoughts were interrupted by Jake's scolding voice.

"What did I say about going back to sleep?", Jake crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for a response from the mountain of children in the hammock in their terrible pretense at being asleep.

"We are sleeping", Lo'ak lifted his head to answer his father, quickly pulling his eye away from Jake to look at you, who stood beside him.

Jake pinched the middle of his nose in annoyance letting out a sigh in the process, "Silly child, sleeping people don't talk!"

"It's Lo'ak, you skxawng!!", Kiri slapped his brother on the head who promptly let out a 'Hey!' for the aggression. Neteyam completely ignored the idiot fights of his brothers and ran into her arms.

"Mom! Are you okay? What happened?"

You stooped down to little Neteyam's level and planted your hands on his cheeks, cracking a wide smile at the sight of your son, "I'm fine, 'itan. How long have you been awake?"

Lo'ak and Kiri soon joined in the hug, snuggling into his neck in the process. Her heart filled with affection for her children, becoming almost unbearable. Jake was standing off to the side watching everything, almost envying his companion's attention to his children.

"I heard you get up and leave, I was afraid of what might have happened, so I called Daddy", Lo'ak sniffled softly, squeezing you even tighter.

You smiled as you collectively hugged your children, stroking their heads and soothing them. "Oh my baby, I'm fine, see? It was just… a mishap."

"Yes, so we need to let your mother sleep to regain her energy", Jake intruded into the conversation pulling you out from among the children and carrying you to bed.

You looked at him with an unreadable face, allowing yourself to be snuggled into Jake's chest as strong arms encircled your waist.

"Jake!", you tried to pull away, but as expected, was unsuccessful; so your only option was to lie down in defeat feeling a hand from Jake snake into your stomach and lightly caress the bulge.

"Neteyam, Lo'ak, Kiri, come to sleep. You must be tired after Mommy disturbed your sleep", you held out your arm for the children to snuggle in your protection.

There wasn't even time to think about the proposition, the children soon went into their parents' arms, getting as close as possible to each other.

Jake protected his belly from the children's jerky movements as he alarmed his children, "Hey, watch your mother's belly!"

"Ma'Jake, it's okay, they're just babies", you said stroking your companion's arm with a wide smile opening on your lips. Jake sighed defeatedly, nuzzling his head into the curve of your neck and inhaling your scent. He was truly lucky for the woman he had.

Her heart overflowed with affection. It was an unimaginable love that you felt for your family. A family you built with the one you love, a partner you trust. You couldn't have asked anything more from Eywa, not after she blessed you with the most sacred family in your existence.

Your eyes filled lightly with tears; pure tears of care and love, for your children, for your Jake, for your life.

"Good night, my little ones", you said in a whisper, realizing that the children were no longer able to keep their eyes open. They even looked as if they were waiting for a confirmation of your love for them.

Jake let out an anasalated laugh, also closing his eyes as fatigue consumed him and sleep called him into the dream world again. As a last prayer, Jake said in an almost inaudible whisper, only for nearby hearts to hear:

"I love you all. You are my greatest fortress."

I'm sorry if it seemed rushed at the end, I was anxious to finish and may have gone too fast 😭

I hope it was a good read! I kind of liked it for my first story; but I hope to improve in the future.

｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍓｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍒

[heavyhitterheaux]

Imagine the babies getting the zoomies right before bedtime

All you heard was Axel laughing as you saw him run past your bedroom door that was open and Jack quickly running after him in order to catch him.

“Um, mom let me call you back. I think I have a naked child on the loose.” You told your mom as you went to assess the situation.

When you walked halfway down the steps, Jack currently had Axel upside down and he was still laughing as he walked back over towards you.

“I thought I saw a naked baby run past me.” You said while laughing and all Jack did was roll his eyes.

“I’m trying to give him a bath and as soon as I was done running the water, look who took off.”

“Ax, baby, you need to take your bath so you can go to sleep.”

“Not sleepy, mama.”

“You’re going to regret that tomorrow morning when we have to get up early to go to Atlanta.” You muttered as you moved to the side so Jack could walk past you. 

Once the both of you had successfully got Axel in the tub, you went to check on your girls who should have already been asleep because they got their baths earlier since Autumn decided to make mud pies and Ivy assisted.

You walked into their room and was confused that neither of them were in there when you had put them in their beds an hour ago.

You then made your way down the hall to their playroom and opened the door to see them bouncing off the walls and running back and forth.

“Good lord, it’s like they had an energy drink.”

When they finally noticed you at the door, they ran over to you and grabbed one leg each startling you.

“Mommy!”

“Um, you two should be in bed since that is where I put you an hour ago. What are you two doing up?”

“We’re not sleepy. We want to play.” Autumn said while looking up at you.

“Well mommy and daddy are and we have to get up early so we all need to go to sleep.”

“But…”

“You can play in our big huge backyard in Atlanta tomorrow, I promise. But for now, I need my baby girls to go to sleep.”

“Can we sleep with you?!”

“If that will make you fall asleep faster, I’m all for it.”

You got the two of them settled in your bedroom as Jack was carrying Ax who had on a fresh set of pajamas and had fallen asleep on his chest.

“Looks like that burst of energy wore off really quick.” Jack said as he handed you Axel who you placed next to Ivy. Even if Axel was attached to you as of lately, he always had to sleep next to Jack when he came into your room. If he woke up and noticed that he wasn’t next to him, he would have a full blown meltdown. 

As soon as Jack got comfortable and laid down, Axel immediately curled into him as Ivy was still on her iPad and Autumn was poking your belly.

“Autumn, what’s the deal?” You asked and all she did was smile.

“There’s a baby in there.”

Your eyes went wide as you and Jack both stared at her in disbelief.

“There’s no baby and there won’t be for a while.” You said while taking away Ivy’s iPad since it had fallen onto her chest meaning that she was asleep.

“Mommy, are you sure? Because Aunt Autumn told me there was.”

You and Jack immediately looked over at her as she was staring innocently at both of you while smiling.

“Um, princess? What did you just say?” Jack asked her while looking just as confused as you were.

“Aunt Autumn told me. The one you named me after.”

But the thing is that you had never told Autumn who she was named after or what had happened and why she isn’t around and you could feel yourself getting chills.

“It’s a girl too. Okay, goodnight.”

Without another word, she cuddled up next to her big sister and slowly drifted off to sleep.

“Jack… did you?”

“I never told her about Autumn.”

“And I didn’t either. But… that makes no sense. I’m on birth control so I couldn’t possibly be pregnant.”

“Ehh stranger things have happened.”

“Yeah especially with you and your super sperm.”

“Look, I was like if imma get her pregnant, I might as well go all in.”

“But… what if I really am?” You asked him while glancing down to stare at the triplets.

“Would it really be a bad thing?”

“No, because I have you and I know that you will always take care of us and that you’re an amazing father who our kids are very lucky to have.”

“You four are my life and I wouldn’t mind if that turned into five.”

“Just not when they’re running away from us so they don’t have to go to sleep.”

“That part I could do without.” 

[orangeheliophile]

Plants and agua

(Female!reader)

(Katsuki might be a bit ooc. Reader is Afro-Latina.)

Warnings: cursing, fluff, cuteness aggression(extremely dangerous) and clingy Bakugou (gasp! The horror!)

It was a regular Saturday morning. Early morning, to be exact. Your boyfriend Katsuki wanted to go on a date today to the nearby conservatory, meaning he wanted to go early so nobody would bother you. Except he was the one bothering you and your extremely comfortable bed.

Waking up with a yawn, you stretch your arms and legs. Sleepiness engulfs you, yet the sound of Katsuki gently knocking on your door brings you back to reality. Groaning, you rub your face, glancing over to the alarm on your bedside to see that it's currently 6:34 am. Why did your boyfriend have to wake you up so early?

Getting up from the comfortable bedsheets of your soft bed, your feet start to walk towards the door. Your hand clumsily grabs the doorknob, turning it to the side as your eyes meet with Katsuki. The blonde chuckles, having a small smile on his face as he leans on the doorframe and reaches his hand up to cup your cheek. "Good morning, sunshine." He whispers, pressing kisses onto your pouty lips and adorable cheeks repeatedly.

You whine a bit, trying to act upset but failing as your boyfriends wet smooches tickle your face. "Kacchan, stop! Good morning to you, too..." You giggle, keeping your voice to a whisper in order not to wake your classmates. The blonde only grins in response, his cherry red eyes wandering down to your outfit as he raises his eyebrows in amusement. You're wearing a dino shirt with a spaceship and a cactus, with a pair of spiderman pajama pants. You blush in embarrassment, a tired smile on your face as you rub the back of your neck.

"Nice pajamas, princess. It makes you look..." Katsuki trails off, a few snickers slipping out as you whine and drag him by his collar inside your dorm. "Shhh... My fashion sense is amazing." You mumble, a smile growing on your lips as you giggle and stare at your feet. "Why do you have to wake me up so early? The conservatory opens at 10!" Your boyfriend shrugs, a smug look on his face as he leans down and bumps his forehead against yours and nuzzles your noses together, like a cat.

"Just wanted to see you, baby. I should be the first and last thing you see every day." He replies, his eyes closed as he hums and puts his hands in your back pockets. You blink, your heart melting a bit as you smile at him, feeling a bit amused by his slight childish thinking.

Nodding, you cup his face. Slightly smushing his cheeks together as you caress his face aggressively lovingly. He hums in response, pressing his lips to your right palm as he holds your left hand with his. He really does act like a puppy sometimes. A greedy, needy, protective, and aggressive puppy with boom boom powers-

Katsuki bites your hand affectionately, stopping your thoughts as you flinch at the sudden sensation. He kisses the skin right after, nudging his head against yours again as he nips your nose. You squeal, giggling a bit as you place your hands on his strong chest and push him away. He huffs in disapproval, pouting as he flops onto your bed dramatically and stays still like a rag doll.

You smile, finding his childishness funny as you giggle and crawl on top of him, matching his starfish position as you both lay face first on the bed. Except your laying on top of him and poking his nape with your nose. "Baby... Hello?... Anyone there?" You ask, your chin resting on his shoulder blade as you flutter your eyelashes.

He grunts, turning his head to the side while interlocking your fingers together with his right hand. You smile, pressing a big, sloppy smooch on the back of his neck as you chuckle. He sighs in satisfaction, mumbling under his breathe while scoffing. "You don't love me anymore." He grumbles.

You blink, processing his words as you frown in confusion, about to slip your fingers from his in order to fix your current position. Katsuki grabs your hand, tangling your fingers again as he turns his head to the side and pouts at you. "Wait-What? What do you mean?-" The blonde groans, giving you a glare with no actual hate in his gaze.

"You won't let me show you affection."

Your jaw drops slightly, puzzled by his words as the wires start working in your brain. Once you realize what he means, you laugh a bit, a relieved smile on your face as you giggle at your boyfriend's shocked and offended expression. Your boyfriend did everything intensely. So it makes sense that he would love you in the only way he knows how to. What you did not know, is that he was experiencing cute aggression.

Offended by your amusement at his completely reasonable thinking, Katsuki scowls, about to roll you off his back but he halts when you nudge your head against his, nuzzling your nose on his cheek as you bite his nose and giggle.

His expression immediately lights up, quickly fixing your position so that he's on his side while you lay on him like a blanket. He hums in satisfaction, holding your hand tightly while his other hand slides under your Spiderman pajama pants, hooking his fingers with the band of your underwear while pressing big, open mouth kisses onto your lips. Not in a sexual way, but in a lovingly aggressively way.

You squeal at his actions, giggling and smiling into the wet smooches as both of your lips make exaggerated kissing noises. You cup his cheeks, squishing them while pressing your face against his. And after about 7 minutes, you pull away. Katsuki groans, more like a whine of the way he pouts and tries to dive back into your lips. Pressing your palm on his mouth, you grunt, rolling away from him as he makes slight grabby hands.

He sighs dramatically, laying like a starfish as he watches you walk towards your drawers to change. Oh that's right, your going on a date. A smug smirk grows on his face, getting up as he walks towards you and hugs you from behind. Resting his ching on the crown of your head, he inhales your scent. "You should wear my shirt." He states.

Turning your head around, a shy smile shows on your lips. You chuckle, nodding your head as you pick out your clothes, letting him choose which ones you should wear as he clings onto you from behind.

After about 15 minutes of trying to choose what to wear, going out of the dorms early in the morning, taking the bus into the town, the both of you finally arrived at your destination.

You decided to wear one of Katsuki's sweaters, as it was black with the signature white skull in the middle. You also decided to wear dark blue wide legged jeans, paired with black boots with yellow and teal shoe laces. Katsuki, being the amazing boyfriend he is, helped you put your curly hair in a lovely braid, with loose strands that fit your liking.

Katsuki wore a black hoodie, having decided to wear dark blue jeans and black boots as well to match with you. And he let you put a black cap on his spiky hair styled with some pins on it.

Hopping out of the train hand in hand, a happy smile appears on your face as you see the conservatory in the short distance. Katsuki notices this, as he lightly tugs you and begins walking towards the entrance. Excitedly, you fidget in happiness, slightly skipping as your hand squeezes Katsuki's repeatedly. "C'mon, babe! I want to see the plants and flowers!"

He chuckles, a tiny, Itty bitty smile on his face as his chests fills with that oh, so sweet pain when he sees your adorableness. He walks a bit faster, already planning ahead on where you both should go next.

After checking in, the both of you walk into the Botanical Gardens, as your eyes widen in awe. A gasp escapes your lips, a smile growing as well as the fresh air fills your nose. Katsuki turns his head, eyes softening as he admires your face.

"I made up my mind. I'm living here." You say, a big smile on your face as your eyes sparkle with excitement. Katsuki raises his eyebrow in amusement, smirking as he watches you wander around the area.

"Looks like someone is happy. How come your not that happy with me?" He teases. You ignore him, waving him off as you gasp and squat down to a random plant. "I love you..." You whisper loudly to the plant. Your boyfriend's jaw drops a bit in shock, both amazed and annoyed how quick you were to forget him.

He huffs, rolling his eyes as he shakes his head and crosses his arms. "Should've fucking stayed home." He mumbles, feeling a twinge of jealousy as he watches to fawn and gush over the plants.

The room was ginormous, with trees everywhere, plants and flowers decorated in every corner, and even a koi fish pond! Not to mention how peaceful it looks with the view of the grey clouds from the glass windows.

The air is fresh, only a few people scattered around as they enjoy the Botanical Gardens as well.

You sigh in content, already have taken about 20 pictures of the plants, trees, and flowers even if you just got here. You happily sit on a bench, admiring the koi pond a few feet away. You sway your feet, fiddling with your hands as your eyes wander around the Botanical room. "Amor! Come sit with me!" You urge, giving the blonde a big smile as you pat the spot next to you on the bench.

Katsuki immediately walks over to you, resting his arm around your shoulders as he leans in to kiss your cheek. You chuckle, leaning into his touch as you both admire the view around you.

"Are you happy?" He mutters out, looking ahead as he seems slightly tense. You turn your head, smiling as you nod and lean onto his side. "I always am when I'm with you, Kacchan." He scoffs slightly, turning his head the opposite in order so you don't see his red face. Normally, he would kill anyone who calls him that nickname. But he lets you do it since you were childhood best friends. (He doesn't say anything when Izuku says it.)

He grumbles, feeling that flutter inside his body as he gently nudges his forehead to the side of your head. "Nuh uh." You huff, pouting a bit as you open your mouth to ramble how much you love him, admire him, like, him, and how he's so talented and strong and-

As if reading your thoughts, he covers your mouth with his palm, already blushing and grumbling as he knows how much you like to ramble about him. You huff, taking through his hand as your voice sounds muffled. You don't see the problem? Is it wrong to admire your handsome, strong, talented, tall, passionate, boyfriend?

Katsuki groans in annoyance, cupping your face with both hands as he smushes your lips together and kisses his pout, trying to shut you up but failing as you try to talk through the wet kisses. He pulls away, shaking his head as you smile cheekily and tap his forehead with your finger.

"You're so fucking adorable that it's annoying."

"But you love me."

"Damn right I fucking do."

He smashes your lips together, wrapping his arms around you as he dips you while sitting on the bench. You squeal dramatically, smiling against his lips as he makes kissing noises with his mouth. You giggle, feeling him take your breath away as he gives you sloppy smooches of love.

You tap his shoulder, needing oxygen as he pulls away. He grins at you, picking you up and carrying you bridal style in his arms. You laugh, shaking your head as he walks around the room filled with the plants and trees. "C'mon, princesa. I want to buy you a bunch of cool shit."

You grin, chuckling as you let him carry you out of the Botanical room and into the conservatory café and stores. "Thank you, baby! I love you." You say, kissing his cheek as he smirks and kisses your cheek back.

"Why didn't you let me pay for at least the food?!" You ask, raising your eyebrow at the blonde as he shrugs and chuckles. "Because I'm your boyfriend, and it's my job to spoil you as much as I can." Smirking at your expression, Katsuki grabs the bags, offering his arm as you immediately cling to it as you walk out of the store/café of the conservatory.

"But-" "No buts. Just let me love you, sunshine." You glance up at him, sighing in defeat as you nod and walk towards the small indoor lake in the conservatory. You glance at the see-through roof, seeing as it started raining a bit outside as Katsuki scowls in annoyance. You rub his back comfortingly, knowing his dislike towards the rain as you walk towards the edge and smile as you see the beautiful koi fish swimming around.

This room was larger than the others, as it was still filled with trees and plants, but had a giant pond in the center. The lighting was dim, as the koi fish swam around and sometimes knocked themselves into the water lilies. You smile again, finding peace in nature as your boyfriend mentally snaps a picture of your beautiful self admiring the scenery.

Katsuki smiles to himself, his cherry red eyes filled with love as his pupils dilate while looking at you. She's just like an angel... He swore he could almost see you glowing as you grin and excitedly fidget while looking around the place.

You gasp softly, seeing a tall lotus flower around the corner. Walking over to it, you take your phone from your back pocket, snapping a picture of the vibrant colored flower while smiling to yourself. Katsuki watches you, chuckling as he smiles genuinely at your happiness.

Everything about you was perfect. Your gorgeous eyes, brown skin, those wild curls of yours, and of course, that smile and laugh of yours that sounded like the best melody in his ears. He didn't care if it was raining outside, just your smile alone shone brighter than the sun.

Oh, he was definitely taking you on dates more often. How could he not?

(Sorry if it's bad. It's my first fic. I hope you like it, though! I might fix this later, lol.)

[angelicbeaut]

I FINALLY REALITY SHIFTED. (02/27/23)

this is my raw feelings about it, might post concisely thought out ones after I get better at it.

so, excuse me if this post gets long. But i reality shifted early this morning, at around 5 or 6am with no warning and I am shook okay. I am shook. When reading this post I want you to keep in mind that everyone’s experience with reality shifting is different, and if you don’t identify with any of this, that is fine. And if you have not reality shifted yet, do not allow this to create fear or any doubt in your heart, because you have only just begun to understand the true power you have.

I was a person who did not believe. I studied LOA, read everything, forced myself to do everything I thought would take me there, and I still did not get there. I would pester myself and berate myself when I did not succeed. I was hard on myself. I never gave myself breaks, I was obsessed with creating an ability that already naturally exists inside all of us.

Well, all of that clamoring came to a stop when my grandfather died of cancer last week. It shook me to my core. Broke me. To the point I could not force myself to do anymore studying, I didn’t listen to subliminal, I cut out the whole world and I had to just be with myself. I took out time to do things that I liked, I sat with my emotions, I processed and I had to just be. And a peace came over me, a peace I have never felt before.

Yesterday night I was happy, kicking it with friends in the chat rooms I surfed through, up until god knows when because I had given myself the rest of Sunday to rest. I was up til around 5 or 6am. And at 6am I became so tired that I actually waded into sleepiness, and I started to imagine sitting in an arm chair, looking at a black flatscreen tv, that was on a brown nightstand. I don’t know why and I don’t know what came over me but I realized I was fully aware that the rest of my body was sleep. I had fought kicked and screamed to reach this state for almost a year and right now I was reaching it effortlessly. I was there. At first it was darkness, but then the image started to appear right in front of me. Now keep in mind I sleep in a dorm room, with my bed lofted in the air, and all of a sudden I was almost in the room that was completely different than where I was, centered on the floor.

I observed and thought it was strange but that I was just going into a dream. Then suddenly, I felt my spirit or soul, I’m struggling to find the right term so please correct me if you have more insight, separate from my body, going downward. Almost like I was sucked out of my body. My heart started to beat so fast, it was blaring against my chest, and I wanted to wake up. I didn’t want to believe I wanted to run from this, but I didn’t. I forced myself to continue. I calmed my mind and spoke to myself in my head which I could hear as if it were outloud. And then all of a sudden, I was in the room. The room I had imagined.

I was so stunned when it came to color and when I realized I could feel the leather arm chair underneath my body. I was there. I looked around and I felt my head move and then I slowly started to move the rest of my body. I actively stood up, and I was actively thinking about everything. I looked around and when I finally got my bearings I wanted to experiment, I told myself “if this is truly real I’m gonna see my celebrity crush in the next room” and there she was, now, I acted on my desires queens and I won’t go any further. You know the deal.

I explored, I ate ice cream of flavors I can’t even describe to you, I felt true peace, I had a blast. But then, my anxiety set in when I realized I had a class in the morning. So I almost summoned back the room, and I sat back in the chair and told myself I was going back to my current reality. At first it went to blackness and faded in and out between my desired and current reality. But then my eyes flew open automatically after I felt myself go back into my body, going up like a fast elevator until I was back in my bed in the dorm.

Now I was so overwhelmed when I realized exactly what happened that I fainted.

When I came to it was around noon. My chest hurt but I was so overwhelmed with joy and confusion that I called one of my best friends who also is into reality shifting and we geeked out, I called my other best friend, I called my parents, anyone who would listen.

Not everyone will believe but what I will tell you is that it is very real. It is true. I felt as if I had someone how convinced myself of a huge lie and I was tricking myself but no, listen to me, NO. it is real.

Today I have not been feeling real, so caught up in what happened, but I am now solidified in the fact that I can reality shift, this is real, I am the universe. I am god and I can do anything with little no effort. I wish I could tell my grandfather this.

Be still, and know that you are god. Trust yourself. Trust that you are this universe and your power is golden. You are amazing. I believe in you. I believe in me.

Don’t give up! I love you!

If anyone has any suggestions or tips for aftercare or shifting or any tips on what I should do the next time I shift, please let me know below!

- Che <3

[tarjapearce]

Babygirl, i got it

I just want to tell you if it’s ok I send the strawberry jam request to my friend who also writes(prob won’t write it cuz she’s busy) that was unimportant

I am the anon who wrote you the ask on Strawberry Jam.

And after eating all that up, I have to say. I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE READ SOMETHING SO DELICIOUS. This work was a high quality piece and I’m coming back for more.

So,

You know I’m gonna ask you for Continuation of this masterpiece.

So my mind is already jumping to the third part so I think, I’m just gonna tell you how the third part could go (I have severe adhd)

-year or two later-

Bros getting ready to marry her n eyeing her up n down, thinking whether he should break the promise he gave to her dad about not getting her pregnant n blah blah blah. Him inviting over her dad while she is wedding shopping and asking him for permission¿ Fr he would be so nervous and tense I’m not even kidding.

“Also, I might get her pregnant before the wedding” or “also, I think she’s pregnant, she has been very moody lately” fR he would be smug about it

(just pretend it’s something else/I’m not very smart as I’m writing this cause it 3 am and I have not slept yet, but it’s holidays)

She would find out that she’s pregnant and getting all happy n dovey, knowing it’s the consequences of them fucking raw everywhere in the house. ( fr he would have it as a bucket list, fuck on every stable surface n room in the house, he would also be so shameless about it, I love it)

He comes home, after getting ‘the talk’ from his future fil (father in law), sensing she has something to say, so with his shit-eating grin he says something along the lines of “ what you have for me, ma? Don’t get all shy on me, mami” I love him nicknaming me ma or mami, don’t even get me started on his accent and his talks in Spanish to me.

He would be so happy n exited for this new chapter of their life together the even tear would escape his eye, that she’s growing their little bean inside her.

For instance, he would kiss her all up with their make out sesh he would lay her on his chest, her listening to his heartbeat n getting sleepy telling him all about her day. FR he would just euphorically smile, knowing that he’s internally happy.

I feel like this would already be part four🫠

Them marrying each other and the dad and Miguel would be both crying, no the dad would be full on sobbing while walking her down the aisle. I assume that by the time he was marrying her she would be PREGNANT pregnant like on the bring of pushing the lil human out, but before all that, there would be the happiest moments of them together, for example them laying in bed early in the morning on weekend, he would be up bc fr he’s a morning bird, setting himself so his head would be next to her baby bump. He would talk to the baby fetus for HOURS to no end.

Or them together cooking, just things like that.

OHHH PART 2

so her putting her high level qualified degree to use, she gets a job at alchimax working alongside him, and slowly realising they they’re both unhappy. So they start their own company.( I do not have any experience) like the company would slowly turn into the most powerful corporation ever destroying everyone with its patented tech n ideas, bro they would be crazy rich but still be kind of humble? Their jobs be like their hobbies, and dad would be super proud of her.

Part five would be like them with their baby, and just loving tooth rotting fluff of Miguel being a father.

I am💯sure that Miguel would have lactation kink.

I did not reread it after me, for that I apologise, because I’m gonna go to sleep cuz it’s currently 4 am and I’ve been writing this for an hour. Also it’s incoherent, I will prob make it coherent soon. Also you absolutely feel no pressure writing it anytime soon, because I know it’s a lot and it’s kinda not making sense?and kinda cringe?

Anon...

I must ask you for advice cause that PLOTTING SKILL IS *Chef kiss* Wish I had that fr haha.

2. Im so... JSKGAHSHS ❤️❤️ You loved it.

3. OF COURSE I AM WRITING A PART 2 and probably make it a small fic 🤭. It is not cringe. I love smut, sure, but I also love me a good fluff and stuff.

4. Its totally fine, if they write it, I wanna read too! ❤️

5. I will upload as soon as I have cleared up some other requests and AU's for Miguel.

You seriously made my day. Any request do, actually, ❤️. Thank you so much for keeping me busy haha.

6.Rest well nonny ❤️✨.

[romijuli]

Like Tsuzuru said, he is going to die . 

Maybe this is divine retribution for taking a vacation when he should be brainstorming for the next few scripts. Screw what Syu says, breaks are for people not named Tsuzuru—

Kazunari mumbles something in his sleep, rolling further on top of Tsuzuru and forcing out what little air he has. See? Tsuzuru is going to die, cause of death: Kazunari Miyoshi, who’s apparently a very cuddly sleeper.

He manages to pry Kazunari off of him just enough to breathe; Kazunari rolls over again, wrapping his arms around Tsuzuru. Cool. This is Tsuzuru’s life now.

A hand ruffles his hair. (Oh, god.) “Tsuzu,” Misumi whispers, “go back to sleep…”

Tsuzuru opens his eyes, staring at Misumi. He’d honestly expected Misumi to be wide awake, ready to drag him and Kazunari on a triangle hunt at a moment’s notice, but he looks as sleepy as Tsuzuru feels. Is he keeping him up? Is he jealous that Tsuzuru is currently being treated like Kazunari’s personal body pillow?

Well, okay, Misumi doesn’t strike him as a particularly jealous person, unless that’s why it took him four years to finally get a Super Mister Triangle. So he’s probably not jealous. Especially since Kazunari doesn’t really seem to have consciously decided to sleep on Tsuzuru.

Misumi smiles at him. God, if Tsuzuru were a weaker man, that alone would be enough to make him cave, and then he’d be spilling his guts to the unwilling objects of his affection at 1 am.

Well, at least then Kazunari might stop killing him via cuddles.

Tsuzuru, instead, trades one ill-advised late-night overly-honest statement for another, grumbling, “Maybe if you get your boyfriend off of me, I will.”

For a moment, Misumi looks genuinely taken aback. Great, nice going, Tsuzuru thinks, you’ve upset the friend driving you home. He’ll probably have to call Itaru or Chikage—or worse, Izumi— and beg them to pick him up from wherever—

But then Misumi smiles again, not bright and blinding but something softer, and all the anxieties drain out of Tsuzuru’s head. “It’s okay,” Misumi mumbles, “I don’t mind sharing~”

And then, while Tsuzuru’s still processing that, Misumi has the nerve to roll over and, presumably, fall back asleep.

[snippet from third wheel, which started as a silly pre-vacation fic and ended as a sappy feelings dump after i got engaged <3]

man. what WAS my thought process for this one. i may have just been cuddle-starved?

this is a more broad commentary for the fic in general + my current writing process, but literary impasse has given me a true gift and that is that i've discovered i ADORE writing this funky little transition period where tsuzuru's, like, aware that he needs to develop better self-care habits but struggling to actually put them into practice. (god i LOVE writing fun transition periods. the early bits of relationships where the parties involved are still learning the intricacies in their partner(s)? glorious.) it's SUCH a neat little period of his life and it's really fun exploring the questionable mindset he's developed while acknowledging that he's, like, getting better about it.

i think this is the part of the fic where i realized that kazunari's "oh noooo they only have one bed...." could have just been something he made up, which WOULD have been pretty funny but, like he says later, he'd have been terrified to try that in case it didn't end well. instead he settles for pretending to be asleep to sneak in some cuddles <3 (had to check if that's confirmed in the text, yes it is, good on past chel)

i feel like i always write tsuzuru as someone who's down utterly horrific for whoever happens to be the object(s) of his affection in any given fic, idk if it's the projection or it just Feels Right. (i feel like this is EXTRA the case whenever misumi's involved, but that might just be because i've written a good amount of tsuzumisu(kazu) at this point.) anyway man is he SMITTEN in this one.

i also REALLY like writing misumi as the single solitary person with any sense in his head when it comes to romance, just because he has less anxiety than the other two, and boy is that true in this fic! one of these days i'd like to write a fic where one of the other two gets the brain cell. i keep joking that it'll be tsuzuru but god knows he would never.

But then Misumi smiles again, not bright and blinding but something softer, and all the anxieties drain out of Tsuzuru’s head. “It’s okay,” Misumi mumbles, “I don’t mind sharing~”

i remember adoring this specific paragraph. in general i love contrasting misumi's usual energetic expressions with softer/more romantic ones. also i just love tsuzuru looking at the two of them and going "idk what exactly they have going on but i think they're dating? i think? i don't actually know?"

and finally i think i'm allergic to not shoving comedy into everything i write. someday i will write a full blown tragedy and it will still contain tsuzuru falling down the stairs or something

[kinetic-elaboration]

March 26: Drawer Fic Thoughts

I accomplished basically everything as planned today except—except!—going to sleep early. I have no shame. At least tomorrow I don’t have to go grocery shopping, and, it’s food truck day.

Today’s topic is going to be the drawer fic because I don’t know what else to talk about and I have some thoughts. Yesterday’s session felt a bit weird. The whole thing has now topped 25k, which is… impressive and awesome and wild, and also makes it harder to not take the story seriously in some way. Well also in general I’m terrible at not taking things seriously. From the start, the idea was to create a positive nighttime routine for myself (one that has yet to get me to bed earlier but that’s not the point right now), give me a chance to just write truly for fun again, to sort of loosen up, to be self-indulgent… I always tell myself I’ll do that but I’m bad at it because I get so in my own head about it. But this fic is just really blatantly self-indulgent, follows along a sort of crack-y storyline, and reflects various idle fantasies I just play around with in my head. Mostly I’d say I’ve been successful at keeping it fun. This is part of why I haven’t broken down (yet?) and posted the thing. It just feels really important to keep this as something for me, and if I can’t be assured I’ll still feel that way about it if it’s also online, then I shouldn’t post it online.  Still what makes it tempting is that I am overall proud of it and think it’s pretty good.

But yesterday I felt sort of unsure… On the one hand, I’m going out into unusual territory with the current scene. It’s hard to know if the characters are IC because they’re in a situation that’s purposefully pretty unlike everything they did or ever could encounter in the canon; that’s sort of the point, and part of the indulgence is allowing myself to write scenes that I want and explore things I want to explore without worrying if the characters would say exactly that thing or behave in exactly that way. But the dialogue yesterday felt a lot more like me and a lot less like them. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Again, it doesn’t matter. I’m not really editing this story, just changing details here and there as I reread if I feel like doing so, and I don’t really plan on ever seriously editing, even if I do post it. Because in that instance it would be a ‘take it or leave it’ sort of situation where I’m up front about the level of seriousness with which I take this project. I care more about moving forward than asking ‘hey could I get the same point across in language that better reflects these characters’ voices?’ But also let’s be real; I don’t have any ideas as to what that language might be.

Anyway, I haven’t really said anything but I’m also so sleepy, so, goodnight.

[seekingthestars]

got fancy ✨new✨ covid booster today, let's see if it knocks me out like the first one did lol

[natsbaby]

Insomnia

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Summary: sleep doesn’t come naturally to you and has always been so when your ever so beloved girlfriend finds out, she goes out of her way to make sure you’d get a good nights sleep

Warning: none! Just unedited lol

A/N: I’m currently writing a longer fic but it’s taking longer since I’m busy with the part time job I have with friends and school, so here’s a short one for now <3 hope you guys like it!

Your eyes water slightly as a yawn escapes your lips, rubbing your eyes slightly as you sluggishly enter the kitchen area of the compound. Wanda cocks her head to the side curiously as she unintentionally hears your loud thoughts of wanting to sleep but being scared to do so.

You’ve suffered with insomnia almost all throughout your life and never did anything about it other than letting it pass on your own. As a result, your sleep schedule becomes really unpredictable since sometimes you’d wake up at 8 am, and sometimes would wake up at 3 pm. You groggily grab a mug from the cupboard, standing on your tiptoes slightly to get it.

“Good morning Y/N/N” Wanda greets you as you wave your hand slightly to respond to her. She raises her eyebrow slightly as she watches you grab the milk carton, pouring it into your mug. “You okay there?”

“Yea, just sleepy” you mumble sleepily as you put the milk back, sitting in the chair in front of her and drinking the milk. You wipe your mouth with the sleeve of the sweater you’re wearing making Wanda chuckle softly in response.

“Why did you wake up early if you’re tired?” She inquires gently as she stirs her coffee slightly, waiting for you to respond.

“Promised Tony I’d help out today” you start, a yawn stopping you for a moment. “I didn’t think I’d stay up last night so I didn’t wanna bail on him”

“You should let him know, it’s dangerous for you to work right now if you’re this tired” she worriedly explains. You shake your head no as you look at the clock, squinting slightly as you didn’t put your glasses or contacts on. “It’s okay, gonna squeeze in a power nap since I think I have 2 hours before then”

Wanda sighs as you put your mug in the sink to clean later, waving goodbye as you to back to bed. As if on cue, your girlfriend enters the kitchen from the gym with the towel and water bottle in her hand.

“Ah perfect, just the person I need to talk to”

You wake up from your power nap, stretching your sore limbs as you feel more tired than you already were. You groan slightly in frustration, knowing this might make you grumpy for the rest of the day.

You put on your glasses to see that you have 30 minutes left till you have to meet with Tony, sighing in frustration as you slept through your initial alarm. You get ready by taking a shower and putting on your cable-knit sweater and leggings, grabbing your things and heading to the labs.

You finally get to the labs after being stopped by a few people along the way, putting your stuff down as you look at your current progress. Currently, you’re helping Tony figure out the possibility of time traveling without the need of the pym particles. You sigh at your almost little to no form of progress, already feeling irritable with the possibility of yet another all nighter.

You get to work and a few hours later, you’re so focused on what you’re doing that you didn’t hear Nat coming into the lab. She notices how you have around 4 mugs and counting of coffee scattered around your table, and the large mountain of crumbled paper overflowing your trash can. She sighs softly as she comes up to you, gently taping your shoulder. “Y/N/N?”

You jump slightly, turning around to see Nat. She finally sees how deep your eyebags and the dull shine in your eyes due to the lack of sleep. “Hey Natty” you grin at the red head, a yawn going past your lips uncontrollably as you cover your mouth.

She raises her eyebrow at you, looking around your workstation. “You’re really busy, huh?”

You nod in response as she walks up to your table, bending down to have a closer look at what you’re working on. “Tony needs this by the end of the month and I have only a week left so I gotta make progress”

Nat hums in acknowledgment, standing back up as she turns and leans back on your table, leaning on it as she faces you. “You also need sleep, Wanda told me you’ve been not sleeping again”

You narrow your eyes slightly at your girlfriend, grumbling a ‘damn that witch’ under your breathe. Nat chuckles slightly, giving you a soft smile. “Don’t get mad at her, she’s worried. And frankly, me too”

“I know, I know” you sigh as you lean back onto your chair to properly face Nat, your arms crossing your chest. “My insomnia came back, can’t sleep anymore and when I do, it’s only for like 2-3 hours”

Nat hums in thought as she thinks of what she can do to help. An idea pops into her mind causing her to stand up, extending a hand for you to take. “Come, I have an idea and you shouldn’t be working while you’re tired. Tony’s a bad influence to you”

You chuckle as you gratefully take Nat’s hand, standing up and following her as she takes you to her room. She lets you in as she starts putting her room together, turning up her scent diffuser and dimming the lights until its just enough that its not too bright in the room. You watch her in awe as she makes the effort to make you comfortable, a gentle smile gracing your lips as Nat comes back to you with a set of her pajamas.

“This should fit you, put it on and let’s get some sleep” she says as your heart skips a beat at her thoughtfulness. You give her a nod as you take the jammies, going in her bathroom to put it on. This isn’t the first time you’ve slept in the same room as Nat as you were initially friends who goes on sleepovers from time to time, but it is one of the first handful of times you’ve slept together as girlfriends.

You go back out to see Nat holding a mug of warmed up milk, cooing slightly as you walk up to her. “You made this?”

Nat chuckles softly as she hands it to you. “I know you drink warmed milk before bed so I got you some”

You drink it up, offering Nat some as well as she puts the mug down. She lays down on her bed, opening her arms for you to lay besides her. You lay down in her arms, nuzzling your face into her neck as she pulls you into her embrace. You sigh in content as you fully relax, yawning slightly.

“Come on Y/N/N” she says softly as she pulls the blanket over the both of you.

“Get some sleep, i’ll be here when you wake up”

[hangovercurse]

Until You Fall Asleep

After moving in with the crew to help cure your quarantine boredom, you find a new way to deal with your insomnia.

Request: “Could you please do a Colson fanfic where you're a friend of the gang and you move into their house for quarantine so you're not alone. Colson finds out you have terrible insomnia and starts staying up to keep you company and you gradually start sleeping in his bed because it's the only place you seem to actually sleep. You start to get really close through these late night chats, watching films, sharing stuff and opening up to each other... Friendship starts to develop into something else. I need some fluff to see me through these sleepless nights! 🙏😘 Thanks!”

Colson X Reader

Warnings: cursing

Word Count: 3487

Living with your best friends during a nationwide quarantine seemed like a good idea when you agreed to it, but after the 5th night of wandering the huge house late at night because you couldn’t sleep, you were starting to think you should’ve stayed where you were. At least at your own place, you didn’t have to worry about sneaking around so as not to wake anyone up.

Luckily, no one seemed to notice that you woke up earlier than everyone else in the house or went to sleep later. Or if they did, no one said anything.

Day five

Tonight hadn’t been going so well. You had tried showering, you hadn’t eaten for at least a few hours before trying to sleep, you turned your lavender diffuser on, you’d even tried yoga. Nothing helped, and you were left staring at your ceiling.

Frustrated and uncomfortable, you rolled out of your bed, sock clad feet pattering across your room and slowly pulling your door open. You made your way through the house and out to the pool, letting the cool night air wash over you. A deep breath fell from your lips as you began to pace around the deck, hoping to tire yourself out enough to sleep.

After a few minutes, you heard the sliding glass door open, looking up and finding Colson stepping out with a blunt in his hand. He smiled tiredly at you, “you’re up early.”

You raised an eyebrow, ���what time is it?” You figured it was 4, maybe 5 am.

“Almost 7,” he looked concerned, “you okay?”

You were trying to figure out how you managed to stay up until 7 am without a wink of sleep, “yeah, just couldn’t sleep. It’s cool though. Why are you up?”

Colson lit the blunt as he spoke, “couldn’t sleep either.”

Day eight

You found yourself curled up on the couch, reading a book at 5:30 in the morning after hours of trying to fall asleep. You swore if you stayed in your room a second longer, you’d break something, so you snuck out to the TV room with the most boring book you could find.

“Do you ever sleep?” Colson’s voice surprised you, making you jump lightly in your seat. The man chuckled at your reaction, taking a seat next to you.

You pouted at his glee, “I could ask you the same thing.”

He shrugged, “sleep is for the weak.”

A sarcastic chuckle fell from your lips, “oh yeah, I feel so strong and cool right now.”

The man laughed with you, but soon turned serious, “serious though, are you good? Both nights this week I haven’t slept you’ve been awake, and I know you don’t take naps.”

You sighed, “it’s just insomnia, I’ve been dealing with it on and off for a couple years now. It’s not a big deal.”

He cocked his head in curiosity and worry, “how much sleep have you been getting?”

You ducked your head in embarrassment, “I slept for an hour at like 3, hopefully I’ll fall asleep again at some point tonight.”

Colson frowned, “can I help at all?”

A small smile fell upon your face, “sometimes talking helps, but honestly not much else. It’s not that big of a problem, though. I’ve been dealing with this for a while, I’m used to it.”

He looked shocked, “dude, you sleep for a few hours every night! That’s a problem. I don’t even know how you’re still alive.”

“Like you’ve never gone a couple days in a row without sleeping,” you said sarcastically.

“No! I go to sleep late as fuck, but I sleep eventually most nights. You’re on a whole different level.” His tone was slightly defensive, if not concerned, “do I need to get you some pills or something? I can do that.”

Your eyes went wide, “Jesus, Kells, no. I have enough to deal with, I don’t need another addiction on my hands too.”

He chuckled, “I’m just saying it might help. I’m assuming weed does nothing?”

You sighed sadly, “it did for a while, but I think my body got used to it. I just have to wait it out until I inevitably pass out.”

“Well, guess I’ll just bother you until you fall asleep.” He relaxed further into the couch, throwing an arm around your shoulders.

“Colson, you really don’t have to-“

“You won’t let me get you drugs, so I’m gonna stay up with you. It’s the least I can do.” He smiled widely, knowing he would get his way.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that, right?”

Day Twelve

“You think that Captain America has the best character arc? Seriously?”

Your nightly chats with Colson had moved into his room after Baze was woken up by Colson’s loud laughter during a conversation about what type of dogs you’d both be. So, you were sat cross legged on his bed, facing each other in deep conversation.

The man tried to defend his stance to you, “okay, I know everyone loves Tony’s whole asshole to hero thing, but Captain America went from this goody two shoes to this badass criminal and he still got the girl in the end.”

You shook your head, “you’re just wrong in every way. I’m not even saying Iron Man had a better story, but literally every other character developed more than Steve. He wasn’t that badass in the end, and the fact that he went back to get the girl just proves he never really changed all that much. He was static.”

“So, you’re telling me, if we watched every single movie with Captain America in it, you wouldn’t be entertained?” He crossed his arms and leaned backwards, eyeing you challengingly.

You scoffed, “the movies are fine, I just think that Marvel has produced better superheroes with better plotlines.”

“New plan, we’re going to watch every marvel movie in order and then you can tell me that I’m right.” He grabbed the remote and turned on the TV across from his bed.

Rolling your eyes, you moved back to lean against the headrest, legs spread out in front of you, “you’re not right, but I’ll watch them just to see the look on your face when you realize you’re wrong.”

Colson flopped down on the bed next to you, throwing an arm over your shoulder and pulling you so that you were leaning into his side. A yawn escaped his mouth, “if you get tired, let me know.”

You giggled, “I’m always tired, I just can’t sleep. I won’t get offended if you fall asleep though.”

He pulled a face, “I’m not falling asleep.”

About an hour into the movie the slow rise and fall of his chest indicated differently. You chuckled to yourself once you realized he had fallen asleep, turning further into his chest, and allowing yourself to get more comfortable.

Somewhere between 4 and 5 am, you found your eyes finally closing of their own accord, unconsciousness washing over you.

Day 17

Since starting your marvel movie binges with Colson, you’d found yourself getting more sleep. You couldn’t tell if it was from the movies or from Colson, but either way something seemed to be working.

Tonight, however, even your new routine wouldn’t lull you to sleep. You tried every breathing exercise in the book, but nothing seemed to work. Colson had fallen asleep a while ago, his arm wrapped around you as per usual, so you couldn’t talk yourself to sleep.

So, you decided to take a stroll around the house, hoping the small form of physical activity would help. But in order to get out of bed, you would have to find a way out of Colson’s embrace without waking him up.

You slowly and gently grabbed his hand and removed it from your side, laying it on the bed next to you. Then, you sat up slowly, only to be pulled back into his chest, “where’re you going?”

His voice was deep and gravelly, sleepiness very evident. You responded with a whispered, “I can’t sleep, was gonna go walk around.”

He pulled you in closer to him, nuzzling his face into the crown of your head, “but you’re so warm.”

You chuckled, cuddling into the man, “fine, I’ll stay.” You tried to close your eyes and find sleep, but again, none came. Sighing, you accepted that you would be stuck in your current position, realizing there were worse things than being wrapped up in a beautiful boy’s arms.

Day 25

“I know aliens probably exist, but do you think they’d ever take one of us to study?”

Colson chuckled at your question, “like a human in general or, like, you and me?”

“Like you or me. Do you think we’re important enough to be studied?”

He squeezed your waist, “I think you are in desperate need of sleep.”

Laughing, you responded, “I’m serious! And I have been sleeping, thank you very much.”

“Okay, fine. I think if aliens ever came to Earth, they’d probably be more interested in, like, genius billionaires or really dumb people, like people from Florida.”

You slapped his arm, “don’t be mean to Florida.”

You could feel the vibrations from his laughter, making you giggle. “Fine, but my point is they wouldn’t be interested in us unless they’re really into music.”

“Darn,” you huffed.

He raised an eyebrow at you, “you want aliens to take you and study you?”

Balancing yourself on his chest, you lifted yourself up to look down at him, “yes! That would be so fucking cool.”

He shook his head with a laugh, “you’re crazy.”

“Think about it, who else would be able to say they got studied by aliens. And then you’d know that you were important to someone, even if it is just alien scientists.”

Rolling his eyes, Colson pulled you back down into him, your hands still resting on his chest, “I don’t need aliens to know I’m important.”

“Well not all of us can be ubertalented rock stars with millions of fans,” you joked, a teasing smile on your face.

You glanced up to find his eyes trained on you, holding a softer look in them than you had expected, “I didn’t mean that.”

It took a few moments for his words to get processed by your brain, but you immediately dismissed the thought that he could be talking about you specifically. More than likely he was referencing his family in general, which you could be included in.

Day 31

To celebrate a full month in quarantine, the guys had decided to throw an in-house only party, which just meant that everyone had an excuse to drink together more than normal. You were staying mostly sober, knowing that otherwise the boys would most likely break something, most likely themselves.

You watched from your place on the kitchen counter as Rook, Baze, Slim, Dre, Irv, Dub, and Colson played a round of King’s cup.

“Y/N, you have to drink,” Rook called from across the room, “it’s a six.”

“If there’s no women playing then you just skip that card, Rookie.” You called but took a sip from your cup anyways.

Colson whined, “this is boring.” You chuckled as he moved away from the table to come stand by you, the rest of the guys continuing without him. He leaned against the counter next to your dangling leg, letting you run your fingers through his blond hair, “parties are boring now, Y/N.”

You could tell that he was gone, the alcohol having almost full control of him. “When we get out of quarantine, we’ll throw the biggest party ever, Kells,” you said, letting your hand fall to rest on his shoulder. The man grasped your hand in his and moved it back up to the top of his head, silently begging for you to continue. He turned into a cat, practically purring as he leaned into you, “hey, Kells, you tired?”

He shook his head, “no, ‘m gonna stay up with you, remember?”

You laughed softly, “it’s okay, Kells. You should get some sleep; I’ll be okay for a night.”

His arms wrapped around your middle, head burying into your stomach, “I’ll go to sleep if you do.”

“You gotta let me off this counter for that.” This was a side of Colson you rarely saw; the drunk, very cuddly version of Colson. Occasionally he’d cling on to you when he got really tired, but that was in the privacy of his room. Here he was hanging onto you in front of all his friends, though granted they were too drunk to notice anything unusual.

You hopped off the counter, taking on some of Colson’s body weight in order to get him up the stairs and to his room. Truthfully, you planned to leave him in his bed once you got him there, but he had other plans. As soon as you moved to walk away from the bed, he grabbed your arm sleepily, “why are you leaving?”

Running a hand along his jaw softly, you softly said, “I’m gonna go to my room.”

He whined, “you never sleep in your room, stay.”

You bit your lip, unsure how to respond to that, “Kells, you’re drunk, you need some sleep.”

“I can’t sleep without you.” His eyes were glazed over, making his pleading look even more appealing than normal.

Sighing, you muttered, “yes, you can. I’ll be right down the hall,” but he wasn’t taking no for an answer, hand still firmly around your wrist.

“No.”

You rolled your eyes, climbing into the bed next to him, “I’m only doing this because you need to go to sleep.” He hummed in response to that, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you tightly into him, leaving no room for you to escape even if you tried.

Day 37

Nights with Colson had slowly turned into every moment with Colson. You woke up together, ate breakfast together, spent time together. You were rarely separated for long, not that either of you minded.

At some point, the line between friends and whatever lied next had gotten blurred, but not fully crossed. You and Colson were touchy and cuddly during the day as well as at night, and everyone in the house was starting to notice it.

Part of you just wanted to kiss him and see what happened, but you knew messing with a situation like this could go very wrong very fast. So, you just left it up to him to figure out where this thing would go, knowing he probably wouldn’t make the first move either.

But as you laid in his arms, listening to his midnight ramblings, you couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if you took matters into your own hands. You watched his lips move as he spoke, wanting nothing more than to lean up and press your own against them. Of course, you would never actually do it, but it was nice to dream.

There was a lull in the conversation which was spent with your eyes dancing across each other’s face, trying to figure out what to say next. Suddenly, he blurted out, “can I get your advice on something?”

You nodded in response, a soft smile on your face. He continued, “this sounds so stupid, but there’s this girl I’ve been talking to recently and I can’t figure out if she ‘s into me or we’re just really good friends.”

You sat up slightly, perking an eyebrow up, “well what signs has she given you that she’s into you?” Your heart burned, hoping he was talking about you. It was a feeling that had been happening a lot recently whenever you were around him, which was almost all the time.

He sighed, “I mean, we talk like, all the time about everything. And I think she flirts with me, but I’m not completely sure if she’s flirting or she’s just being friendly.”

“Well, what signs say that she’s not into you?” You ask, biting your lip to hide the grin forming on your face.

Colson hesitated, “I mean, none, really. I’m just scared of messing up our friendship, you know?”

You nodded, “well, you’ll never know if you never ask her. I’m sure it’ll work out.”

He was quiet for a long time, clearly turning the advice over in his head, “I would but, with quarantine and everything, I just don’t think it’s the right time. We wouldn’t be able to actually, you know.”

Your heart fell, realizing that there was no possible way he was talking about you. It felt like every bone in your body turned to Jell-o at the realization, a lump forming in your throat. “Right, well, maybe you could invite her over to the house. Or do a cute facetime date or something.”

He nodded but stayed quiet. You fully sat up, swinging your legs off the bed. “Where are you going?” he asked softly.

Something inside of you was slowly crumbling, and you needed to get yourself out of his presence as soon as possible, “I just need to take a walk, I don’t think I’m tired enough to get any form of sleep.”

Colson let out a small “oh,” as you stood up and swiftly left the room, tears forming in your eyes.

You felt silly for letting yourself fall so easily and for thinking that he might have felt the same way. But you could’ve sworn there was something forming between you two.

And how had you never heard of this new girl? How long had that been going on?

So many thoughts swirled around in your head as you made your way downstairs and out to the empty pool deck, pacing the familiar space. You tried to convince yourself that your feelings weren’t as strong as they actually were so that this could somehow be easier, but you knew it wouldn’t work.

The sound of the door sliding open caught your attention, your eyes meeting those all too familiar blue ones. “You okay?” he asked, leaning against the wall of the house. You flashed him a fake smile with a nod. “This doesn’t have anything to do with what I just-”

“No, no,” you cut him off, “I’m just restless right now, needed to get some energy out.”

He nodded, watching you cautiously, “I’m actually super tired, so I’m gonna get some sleep. I’ll see you in a few?”

You nodded, knowing full well you had no intention of getting back into his bed, “yeah, goodnight.” You turned your head to the ground, studying the cement below your feet.

The door opened and shut, but when you looked back up, Colson was still standing outside, watching you. “I don’t know why I said that. There isn’t a girl in quarantine. Well, I mean, there is, but we wouldn’t not be able to see each other.”

Your head was spinning, trying to make sense of whatever he was saying. He kept talking, “I got nervous and chickened out and then you left and I felt like an idiot.” You looked up to him, confusion evident on your face as he continued on the borderline of rambling, “so I’m just gonna throw this out there and whatever happens, happens.”

You stared at him blankly, not fully processing his words or what was happening.

“Would you wanna go on a date with me? Or, like, whatever kind of date we can pull off here?”

Your eyes went wide in shock, the rollercoaster you had just been on emotionally twisting your mind. You didn’t speak for a few moments, making Colson nervous, but you finally got out a stuttered, “yes.”

He sighed in relief, “god I feel like such a teenager right now.”

You came back to your senses, narrowing your eyes at him, “do you realize the emotional turmoil you just put me through? I feel like I’m crazy!”

He chuckled, moving towards you, and wrapping his arms around your waist, “I know, I’m an asshole. But it was worth it, right?”

“I was literally rethinking my entire life out here,” you pouted, leaning into his touch.

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the corner of your mouth, “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

You rolled your eyes, “look who’s all Mr. confident now.”

The vibrations of his laugh shook your own body, “well, you said yes. This would be a completely different story if you had said no. Then I would be the one rethinking my entire life.”

You smirked teasingly, “I could always change my mind.”

He shook his head with a chuckle, “shut up.” His lips met yours, one hand reaching up to softly hold your jaw. You melted into the kiss, your arms moving to wrap around his neck loosely.

You pulled away slowly, a smile spread on your face, “this almost makes not being able to sleep worth it.”

Tag list:

@bakerkells​ @elviablo​​ @iambashfulperson​ @sunflowerbebe107​ @crystalbaby12​ @stormrider505​ @ticketstomydaydreams​ @mvrylee @daddyavesxx​​ @pettyvxbes​ @prettydreamboy​

[tomtenadia]

King for a day

I apologise for the horrible title...

Rowaelin month - day 19 

It was a nice autumn day and the castle still lay quiet. It was still early and most of its occupants were still in bed.

In the royal chambers Rowan’s eyes popped open and in that instant he sensed the distress in the person sleeping at his side. His fae senses alerted him through the bond that there was something wrong with his mate. She lay curled in a foetal position, her hands clutching her stomach.

“Fireheart?” His voice thick with fear. Was it a nightmare? Was she ill?

It had been three years since the war had been over but the healing process for all of them was taking much longer than expected and he knew that Aelin some night still woke in the grips of panic and the horrible feeling of still being in that damned coffin. And in those nights all he could do was to hold his mate in his arms and let her know she was safe, and free and that he was at her side. It broke his old immortal heart.

“Aelin?” He called again, pulling her to his chest and as of on instinct she buried her face against his chest “are you okay?”

She whimpered and Rowan almost screamed. He could not bear to have her in pain. His lips peppered her forehead with kisses “what is it?”

“Cycle.” Was all she said and Rowan knew. Since her transformation into full fae her body had been changing as well and adopted all the traits of the race. He had learned that her cycles were not regular and when they happened, Aelin would be in extreme pain for days. She had also inherited the difficulty for fae to procreate. They had decided to try and have a family for over a year now but it has been proving very hard and he could not stand the hurt in Aelin’s face when it failed once again.

It would happen, he kept telling her, the last piece to that happiness they had been trying to find since after the horrors of the war. He had dreamed it, their family, they just needed patience.

“Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to call the healer?”

She shook her head and snuggled closer and Rowan tightened his hold “I guess I can play king consort for a day and deal with politics.” Aelin looked up at him.

“You hate that stuff.”

A gentle kiss “I do, that’s why you are queen and I am just the pretty male at your side,” he joked “but I guess that for a day I can deal with Darrow and the council men.”

“I am the queen,” she said with a tired voice, forcing herself to a sit position “I can’t stay in bed all day. I have a duty.”

“Aelin,” his strong hand brushed a strand of hair from her face “even the queen needs a day off when she is not well.”

Once they had started working on their kingdom they had reached the agreement that she was the one dealing with the political side. Rowan had preferred to throw himself into physical labour admitting that helping rebuild was more into his chords than dealing with courtly bullshit. Aelin had joked that he just hated to dress up for court.

She tried once more to protest but Rowan was in full fuss mode and pushed her back down in bed. He grabbed the thick blankets and covered her “now you stay here. I will go to the healer and ask for your tonic.”

Aelin watched him stand and leave their chamber and as soon as he left she ducked under the blankets ignoring the pain spreading through her lower body.

Rowan came back ten minutes later and found her hiding under the blankets. He pulled them back and helped Aelin to sit up “Drink. The healer assured me this will help.”

She took the goblet and drank under his watchful eye and once she was done Rowan grabbed the empty goblet and pushed her back down “now you rest and sleep. Would you like a book?”

Aelin shook her head. She was not feeling well enough to concentrate on a book.

“Or we could just cancel the council for a day and you could stay in bed with your wife all day, keeping me company and holding me in those strong arms of yours.”

Rowan flicked her nose “we can’t do that.”

“Not even if it’s your queen who orders it?” She looked at him hopeful that she had hit the right spot that convinced him to dismiss court duty and stay with her. She appealed at his male duty to look after his mate and a glimmer of hope flickered into her when for a brief instant he seemed to consider it.

“For as much as it pains me to leave you alone when you are distressed, alas, I am the king consort, which means that is my duty to deal with politics when you can’t.”

Aelin huffed disappointed “at least bring me chocolate when you come back from your duties.”

“As my queen commands.” He leaned over to kiss her deeply and pushed her once more under the blanket and then pulled away to get changed for his boring and long day with the council.

Ten minutes later he was pushing open the heavy doors of the council room all dressed up in his best tunic, breeches and polished boots. 

“Good morning, gentlemen.” He greeted as he sat at the head of the table where Aelin would usually sit.

“Your majesty.” Said Darrow, bowing his head in salute. Rowan hated to be addressed so formally, hated all the frills of court. He was a warrior, he was used to a much simpler way of life. But being married to the queen had that unpleasant downside. But for her he’d do anything. Even deal with people who still looked at him as a brute with no right to claim the title of king consort.

“My queen has asked me to convey her deepest apologies. She is currently indisposed and had asked me to attend to her duties for the day. I hope the lords here present will not be offended to deal with such a brute like me.” A smirk spread on his face. Let them know that he knew exactly what they thought about him.

“We are sorry to hear about her majesty’s being unwell. We wish her a speedy recovery.” Replied Darrow ignoring the jab about having to deal with him. 

“So,” he started grabbing some documents. He might not actively deal with politics, but he knew exactly what Aelin was doing. She would discuss her plans with him and update him after every council session.

“The first item on the agenda is the requests from the merchants guild…”

It was far too many hours later when he was free once again. Once out of the room he unclasped the first three buttons of his tunic and felt like he could breath once again. Quickly he ran back to their chambers. The bond had been quiet and he felt little distress from Aelin meaning that the tonic had effect. Leaving her alone had gone against every single one of his male instincts but he had responsibilities and their kingdom mattered a lot to both. So he put his male fussiness aside and just went on with the day job.

Once back in the royal chamber he found Aelin deeply asleep and the worry in his chest loosened a bit. He quickly got changed in a more comfortable attire and then slipped in bed with her, pulling her body to his chest.

As soon as she was in his arms Aelin awoke and gave him a sleepy smile.

“My dutiful king is back,” she said in a tired voice.

“Yes, and Darrow is unpleasant as always.”

Aelin gave him a low chuckle.

“How are you feeling?” He asked as his hand gently massaged her lower back.

“Now that you are back, much better.” Her face disappeared in the crook of his neck, inhaling the scent of pine and snow that was so him.

“Did you sleep the whole time?”

Aelin nodded.

“Good.”

“Did you bring me chocolate?”

Rowan chuckled and stood to go to his desk and grabbed something. A moment later he joined her back in bed with a box of her favourite chocolates.

“Such a dutiful king.”

Rowan sat with his back against the head of the bed and pulled Aelin against him in a semi sit position as she ate some of the chocolate delicacies in the box.

“Nothing like eating chocolate in your mate’s arms on a sick day.”

Rowan chuckled and tucked her head under his chin “just don’t eat too many or you’ll find yourself with a different kind of stomachache.” He took the box from her hands and pulled the blanket up to cover them both.

“I am here now,” he whispered against her hair while his arms surrounded her “sleep a bit more.”

A few minutes later Aelin was asleep once more and he relaxed.

She was his life. His everything.

And for her he’d even sit in endless meetings.

[mrsalwayswrite]

To Be My Night And My Day - Part 2

Summary: Hvitserk has been your best friend since childhood, the one you can always rely on. So when you start doubting your current relationship with Sihtric, Hvitserk kindly offers to help you out….but the consequences are never what you expected. 

Pairing- Sihtric x Plus Size!Reader & Hvitserk x Plus Size!Reader

Warnings: Angst, tears, soft boys

Words: 3k

Tag List: @youbloodymadgenius @evelynshelby @pomegranates-and-blood @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @geekandbooknerd @adrille88 @dini73 @flowers-in-your-hayr​ (lemme know if you want to be added or deleted)

Catch up with Part 1

Sunlight streamed through the window in your home, warming your skin, as you tended to the few herb pots on the window sill. A pleased grin resided on your face as you took in how the plants were thriving. They had been a gift from Queen Aslaug for your last name day. You could not wait to tell her how alive and vibrant they were….unlike your prior attempts. 

 At the sound of the door opening, you looked over your shoulder to see Sihtric come in. You smiled at him, ready to make a quip about him getting off early from training. The tease died on your tongue when you really took in his appearance. His shoulders were hunched over, like he carried the weight of the world there. Each movement, each step, was slow and deliberate as if moving through a fog. Even the couple warrior braids on one side of his head were thoroughly disheveled. You wondered what had caused him to run his hand over them so aggressively and frequently. Yet it was the frown that marred his handsome face and the distant look in his dark eyes that caused a concerned churning in your gut.  

 "Sihtric, what's wrong?" You fully turned around, dusting the little bit of dirt off your fingers. 

 Carefully, he unhooked his sword belt, moving methodically, and laid it on the table with that far off glaze still over his eyes. His soft lips were pressed together in a thin line. It was not until he began walking in your direction that he lifted his gaze to meet yours. His arms wrapped around you, pulling your full frame against him. You immediately placed your arms around his neck, laying your head on his chest. Beneath your ear, you could hear his unsteady heartbeat and his shallow breathing. Internally, you attempted to quell your own fear, knowing Sihtric needed comfort right now, for whatever had caused his distress. This was the first time you had ever seen him act this way, and truthfully, it frightened you. 

 You started to massage the back of his neck with your hand, lightly squeezing and rubbing it in a way you knew soothed him. In response, his arms tightened around you, somehow drawing you even closer as if he wanted to meld your bodies into one. His head rested on yours, and for a moment you thought you heard a sniffle but you were uncertain. 

 A handful of minutes passed before you decided to break the silence. "Sihtric? What happened?"

 "I'm going to ask you a question…." he whispered, "....and I need you to answer honestly."

 "Of course."

 "Did Hvitserk and you have sex recently?"

 Immediately, you felt as if you had plunged into a frozen lake. Ice filled your veins, even as you tensed. It had been two days since Hvitserk and you slept together, and you had truly hoped that the blond prince had taken to heart your begging for him not to say anything to Sihtric. Guilt had clawed away continuously at your mind ever since Hvitserk walked out of your home, determined to find your man. But that night when Sihtric returned from guard duty, a tired smile on his face and a lingering kiss to your lips, you knew Hvitserk had not found him. So you had hoped, and prayed, that this would all blow over somehow. 

 Yet the truth was, a Pandora's box had been awakened in you. For even now, you still thought of Hvitserk in your bed, confessing his devotion to you. And you desperately wanted to make love to him again. 

 "So, he was telling the truth…." Sihtric stated blandly. His arms unwound from around your waist, then grabbed yours from around his neck and dropped them like they had physically burned him. Without another word, he stepped back away from you, creating distance that felt so much more than just physical. 

 Your heart shattered like broken pottery at your feet with the utter look of betrayal on his face. "Please, lemme ex‐‐" 

 He held his hand up, cutting you off. Your mouth audibly snapped shut. Silently, you watched him take several shallow breaths, hands on his hips, as if trying to internalize his anger and pain, to make sure he did not lash out at you. 

 At this moment though, you wish he would. Anything would be better than watching him attempt to hide his pain, his heart tearing in two. You wish he would scream at you. But this was Sihtric. He was too good, too kind, too caring to lash out at you. It only wrecked your heart even more. 

 "Sihtric, please, it was--" 

 "I trusted you." He cut you off again. A tear slid down his cheek before he hastily wiped it away. "I thought….I thought you were happy with me. I know we haven't known each other long but….I guess I should have expected this."

 "What?"

 "I have seen the way you and Hvitserk look at each other. You always explained it away as being best friends, but I know….in my gut I knew there was more to it. But I trusted you. You're the only woman besides my mother I've ever trusted….and cared for."

 Tears streamed down your cheeks and dripped onto your ample chest, a physical manifestation of the river of anguish coursing through you. "I am happy with you."

 "Then why?! I don't understand!"

 "Because….ugh, it seems so stupid now."

 "Am I not enough for you? I know he's a prince and I'm only a bastard but you said that didn't matter. Has that changed?" He took another step back, furthering the void growing between you two. 

 You wanted to reach out to him, to bridge the gap, to just touch him and hope he felt your sorrow. But the crestfallen look on his face, the dejection in his dark eyes stayed your hand. "No, I promise." You pleaded, hoping he could hear the truth in your words. "I don't care that you're a bastard."

 "Then why?!" He demanded, another tear rolling down his cheek. "Why would you do that? To me? To us?!"

 "Because I thought you were going to leave me!" You cried out. There it was. The painful truth. You never expected him to truly stay. But once you got a taste of him, knew what it was like to be cherished….you never wanted to let him go. 

 His eyes widened and mouth opened slightly as he took in your words. "What?" 

 This time it was you who stepped away. You turned your back on him, your stomach churning and for a moment you worried you might vomit. "I've seen you talking lately more with the shieldmaidens, laughing with them, training with them…."

 "So, it is jealousy? You decided to get back at me by letting Hvitserk fuck you?" He accused. 

 "No!" You whipped back around, frustration and sorrow creating an explosive concoction in your heart. "Gods! That's not…."

 "What is it then?"

 "I figured you were talking to them because you disliked having sex with me and were looking for someone….new. Someone who would be more interesting and knowledgeable and….and prettier. Just, someone not like me."

 This time he looked utterly destroyed after your explanation. "What?"

 "Why else would you be leaving immediately after we have sex? Or….or stay out so late? I just thought I was becoming boring to you….which I understand…."

 "And Hvitserk?"

 You shrugged. "He offered to help try and boost my confidence….in the bedroom….hopefully that would make you want to stay. I didn't know he had….feelings until after."

 He scrubbed his hands over his face as he heaved a deep sigh. Turning, he placed his hands on the back of a nearby chair as if to ground himself.

 "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Sihtric." You mumbled through your tears, as you pressed a hand to your mouth, desperately trying to suppress the sobs rising up in your throat. "Please just….I'm so sorry."

 He shook his head, his voice morose. To your surprise, he chuckled darkly before speaking again. "No, I'm sorry. It's my fault. It's all my fault."

 "What? No…." 

 He turned around, a wetness on his cheeks that had not been there prior. "I should have told you….I just…." His voice trailed off, his gaze dropping to the floor. 

 "Sihtric? What? Told me what?"

 "I love you!" He blurted out. 

 All the air vanished from your home. Your lungs struggled to expand, leaving your mouth gaping open. A kick to the chest from a horse would have been less painful than his admission. You could only stare at him as his declaration bounced around in your brain but refused to settle. "You….you do?"

 Slowly he walked over and tenderly held your hands in his, the battle-hardened calluses a contradiction from your own soft hands. Those dark eyes you loved stayed focused on your clasped hands as he spoke softly. "I know we haven't been together long….but I've known it for a while. You're special. Before you I never wanted to open up, trust was something that was hard. A quick fuck was easy, but to linger, to find myself wanting to hold you in my arms all night, to see your sleepy, sated face in the morning light. That was new. And it scared me. Somehow you changed all that. The more time we spent together, the more I hated to be away from you. That's how I knew….that's how I knew I loved you."

 "Why did you never say anything?"

 He chuckled, thumbs rubbing on the back of your hands. "I almost did. Gods, so many times. After we'd make love. Sometimes in the morning, seeing you laying in our bed. When I'd come back from training or guard duty and you'd greet me with that sweet smile on your face and a kiss….so many times I had to bite my tongue to keep the words from spilling forth."

 Everything clicked in that moment. And if it was possible for your heart to shatter even more, yours surely had. "That's why you would leave….it wasn't because you didn't like me…."

 "Never."

 "Sihtric, I love you too." You choked out amidst a sob. "I wish you had said something."

 "I couldn't."

 "Why not?"

 Finally, he raised his eyes to meet yours, a smile full of hopelessness on his lips. "Because I knew Hvitserk was in love with you, just as much as you're in love with him."

 "But…."

 "I know you always said you're best friends, but it's obvious to anyone who looks past the facade. There was always more underneath. The way you two gravitate to each other, the lingering looks and touches, the comfortability there….I always figured I was just someone to pass the time with, until the two of you finally confessed to one another. I just never expected it would be my fault that it'd finally happen."

 "Oh Sihtric, I'm so sorry." You cried, no longer able to restrain your sobs. Sihtric pulled you against him, letting you bury your head against his broad chest as you bled out your heartache. With the way his chest rose and fell rapidly and the wetness against your hair, you knew he was silently crying with you. For the miscommunication. For the betrayal. For all the unspoken hopes and dreams both of you had carried, now trampled and laying broken at your feet. 

 After some time, when both of your tears subsided, you continued to cling to one another like that would somehow stem the outpouring of your bleeding hearts. 

 The dark-haired Viking broke the silence tainted with misery. "He said he wanted to fight me. For you. Over you. How he can't live without you now….and will do anything to have you."

 "Will you?" You cautiously asked, face still pressed to his wet tunic. "Will you fight him?"

 "Do you want me too?" 

 You lifted your head, wanting to see his face as you answered. "I don't want you to fight. Either one of you. I'm not….I'm not worth it."

 "You're worth everything." He replied, cupping your cheek so tenderly it caused a fresh wave of tears to fill your eyes. 

 "Sihtric….please don't. I couldn't bear it if you got hurt….either one of you."

 "Then you need to decide."

 Your heart stuttered in your chest, your breath catching. "What do you mean?"

 "Y/n, my love…." He rubbed his thumb over your cheek, collecting the evidence of your sorrow. "You have to choose one of us."

 You shook your head. "I don't….I can't….Sihtric."

 His thumb continued to run along your cheek as he gazed at you, a swirl of emotions in his eyes that pierced you like an arrow. After a long moment, he nodded and dropped his hand. "I'll leave. Let you think in peace. Just know….whatever your decision, I'll respect it." 

 "Sihtric…." You begged, but what more could you say?

 After pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead, he released you from his strong arms. He stared at you helplessly, further shredding any remnants of your heart left. With that, he quickly turned and walked away, snatching his sword belt off the table, not even bothering to take the time to put it on before he was out the door. 

 Soon as the door softly closed behind him, you dropped to the ground with soul-wracking sobs. 

 It was selfish, you knew. There were two handsome, perfect men both asking for your devotion, both desiring you, both wanting you to choose them over the other. How could you possibly choose? You wanted them both. Needed them both. It was so selfish. 

 But it was the gods-forsaken truth. 

 ***** 

 You cried yourself to sleep that night. 

 And the next night, when Sihtric did not return home. 

 Hvitserk found you the next morning, still lying in bed. Your throat was hoarse from all your crying and your eyes felt permanently dry and red-rimmed. Curled under your furs in your thin shift, the desire to leave your warm nest was nonexistent. Food and drink had barely passed your lips. You knew it was all your own fault. Yet you wallowed in your misery, unable to escape its tenacious pull. Your thoughts swirled like a cyclone in your mind, a force of destruction you could not flee from. No matter how much you wanted to.  

 For how could you choose one over the other? 

 Without a word, he crawled into the bed with you, tucking your body against his in a warm embrace. Without a second thought you melted against him, desperate for the safe haven he provided in the stormy seas of your mind. Your full figure snuggled against his lean form in a way that was effortless, like your bodies were made for this embrace. Exhausted from your lack of sleep and excessive crying, it did not take long for you to drift in and out of sleep, sniffling pathetically when awake. He never commented on your deplorable state of being, just held you tight, an anchor in your waves. 

 "My sweet," Hvitserk kissed the top of your head as he soothingly ran a hand up and down your back, "don't cry. The Norns will decide."

 "Please don't fight him, please Hvitserk. I couldn't take it if either of you were injured."

 "Hmmm….what did he say?"

 You sniffled pathetically, throat raw as you spoke. "He said I had to choose."

 "And?" He encouraged quietly. 

 "Oh, Serk, I'm so selfish." You lamented, gripping the front of his tunic, now ruined by your tears. "Thor strike me down! I can't. I can't choose. I love you both. Gods, I'm so selfish."

 This would be the reason for him to walk away. You were sure of it. Even after all of your years of friendship, you were unable to choose him over your lover, someone you had only known for two years. Why would the blond prince stay? There were plenty of women who would willingly fill his bed. Why would he waste his time on someone like you?

 And Sihtric. Someone who clearly gave you their all- their trust, their love, their hopes and dreams. Surely, he could easily find someone new. Someone better than you. Why would he fight for you?

 How selfish were you to hurt both of these men you loved….and for some reason they loved you too. 

 Suddenly, you felt him nuzzle your hair. "You love me?" He whispered. 

 "Yes."

 He hummed, a hand drawing random patterns on your back as if in thought. "And you love him?"

 "Yes." You choked out, a fresh wave of remorse and self-loathing crashing over you. 

 Gently, he tipped your face up to draw you into a kiss. A soft press of mouths, urging you to respond, to sink into the comfort he so willingly offered. You clung to him as your lips moved in tandem, seeking the momentarily solace provided. 

 You pulled back eventually, opening your eyes to meet his green orbs. "Serk?"

 "It'll all work out, beautiful. You'll see." He assured with a smile, drawing you back to his sweet lips. 

 Even with his confident words, you were left unsure if you could believe him. 

 Or if your fractured heart could even try. 

Part 3

[fortunatelyfresco]

A Holistic Integration of Type 1 Narcolepsy into the Reading of Moist von Lipwig

Literary Interpretation, Disability, and Finding Yourself Between the Lines

As it goes, "I wrote this for me, but you can read it if you want." It might be a fun ride for anyone who is very interested in Moist von Lipwig, or narcolepsy, or both, and/or anyone who enjoys collecting small details from within a body of work and arranging them into threads that are supportable by the text, without being actually suggested by it.

Personally, I find it very interesting to read the meta behind different headcanons, and see how creators can unintentionally write a character who fits certain criteria. There are only so many traits, after all, and some of them tend to travel in groups! Humans are pattern seekers, etc etc.

The first step of reading Moist von Lipwig as narcoleptic is wanting to read Moist von Lipwig as narcoleptic. Being narcoleptic myself and relating heavily to Moist, this step was very easy. I invite you to take my hand and come along, at least briefly, if you were interested enough to click the readmore.

Once you have taken that step, things start falling into place. At least they do if you're intimately familiar with narcolepsy, or if you first learn about it in detail through, for instance, a Tumblr post with an agenda :)

I'll break this down symptom by symptom, citing only the ones I both have personal experience with and see textual support for.

I'll be using OverDrive's search function to catalogue "evidence" in (the American editions of) Going Postal, Making Money, and Raising Steam, so I might miss passages that don't use certain keywords.

Please take any statements along the lines of "being narcoleptic means X" with a huge grain of salt. Sometimes it's just more succinct. Narcolepsy can manifest in many different ways, and is still being actively studied. Don't base your entire understanding of it on a fandom essay I wrote to cope with the crushing pressures of capitalism. I have not even fully read the scientific studies linked here as sources.

Here we go! Spoilers abound.

I. Excessive Daytime Sleepiness (EDS) and sleep attacks.

Being narcoleptic means (salt now, please) that your brain does not get adequate rest while you sleep, no matter how much you sleep. This is because of a disturbance in the order and length of REM and NREM sleep phases. This leads to constant exhaustion. Some sources describe narcoleptic EDS as "comparable to [the sleepiness] experienced by a healthy individual who has been sleep-deprived continuously for 48–72 hours."

(Source.)

Sleep attacks can come on gradually or suddenly. In my case, I become irritable and easily overwhelmed, and nothing matters except finding a place to lie down. A more severe attack, under the right circumstances, can put me to sleep while I'm actively trying to stay awake and engaged.

Moist refers to 6:45 am as "still nighttime." He is "allergic to the concept of two seven o'clocks in one day" and is "not good at early mornings," and the narration even cites this as "one of the advantages of a life of crime; you didn't have to get up until other people had got the streets aired."

In Going Postal, he repeatedly falls asleep at his desk. I can only find two instances, but the first one describes it as having happened "again," so it happens at least three times over the course of one week. Both of the times I found were after Mr. Pump cleared his apartment, giving him access to a bed, and I can't find any reference to the fire destroying it—just that his office is "missing the whole of one wall." His presumably wooden desk is still intact, even, just "charred."

There's also no build-up either time. No direct narration of the time right before he falls asleep, just retroactive accounting for it.

Which is primarily a function of stories not showing us every boring second, and secondarily one of the smaller ways we're shown Moist being overwhelmed and racing to keep up with himself, but tertiarily it's a great set dressing if you've already decided he's narcoleptic. Sometimes sleep is just a thing that happens, without any deliberate transition. Sometimes you sit down to catch your breath or get some paperwork done, and wake up several hours later.

I've found only one example in GP of Moist waking up in his actual bed at the post office: the morning after being possessed by all the undelivered letters. Presumably either they put him there, or Mr. Pump did.

There are two points in Making Money where Moist, in an effort to be a comforting and/or guiding hand, advises people to get some sleep. First Owlswick Jenkins, and then one of the clerks (Robert) who is worried about Mr. Bent.

I take the optimistic view that this is Moist genuinely caring about these people, not just trying to get them to do what he wants. He has always done some combination of those things (GP opens with him having befriended his jailers, after all), but there's definitely a thread of him learning to treat both himself and those around him more like real people. (See also.)

Looking at this thread through narcolepsy-colored lenses, you get Moist perhaps drawing from his own experiences in an effort to be helpful. In Owlswick or Robert's position, what is something he would want to hear from the man currently in charge of his fate, or at least his job? "Get some sleep."

If we accept this as a pattern, it culminates in Raising Steam, when Moist starts to worry about "Dick Simnel and his band of overworked engineers," fixating particularly on their lack of sleep.

What sleep they got was in sleeping bags, curled up on carriage seats, eating but not eating well, just driven by their watches and their desire to keep the train going.

[...]

"People are going to die if we push them any further," he said to Dick. "You lot would rather work than sleep!"

[...]

The young man swayed in front of him and Moist's tone became gentle. "And I see now that part of my job is to tell you that you need some rest. You've run out of steam, Dick. Look, we're well on the way to Uberwald now, and while it's daylight and we're out of the mountains it's going to be the least risky time to run with minimum crew. We're all going to need our wits about us when we get near the pass. Surely you can take some rest?"

Simnel blinked as if he'd not seen Moist the first time, and said, "Yes, you're right."

And Moist could hear the slurring in the young man's speech, caught him before he fell and dragged him into a sleeping compartment, put him to bed, and noted that the engineer didn't so much fall asleep as somehow flow into it.

Moist then recruits Vimes to help him talk the rest of the engineers into getting some rest. The two of them briefly commiserate about people not realizing how important it is.

"I have to teach that to young coppers. Treasure a night's rest, I always say. Take a nap whenever you can."

"Very good."

II. Insomnia.

This is a lesser-known but very common symptom of narcolepsy. Or a comorbidity, depending on how you look at it. It seems counterintuitive if narcolepsy has been presented to you as "sleeping all the time," but it makes sense once you know it's really a matter of disruption in the brain's ability to regulate sleep cycles.

The case for this symptom is flimsier, and I fully admit I'm just reading my own experience into it. But here are two excerpts from Going Postal that I find quite suitable for my sleepy agenda:

1. "A man of affairs such as he had to learn to sleep in all kinds of situations, often while mobs were looking for him a wall's thickness away."

I latched hard onto this detail the first time I read GP.

At my worst, I could not get more than a couple hours of sleep in my bed. I kept taking naps in the bath because it was one of the few places I could sleep. It seemed to fulfill some of the criteria (isolation, temperature control, etc) that my brain demanded in exchange for playing nice.

We're told over and over again, throughout Moist's books, that he functions best under pressure.

(Brief aside: This is often cited as a reason to interpret Moist as having ADHD, which I'm also fully on board with. Not coincidentally, narcolepsy and ADHD share a few symptoms, have a notable comorbidity rate, and are treated with some of the same medications. Source.)

So again, if you're already inclined to read Moist as narcoleptic, the following is an easy jump:

"Moist thinks he's good at sleeping in strange places under strange circumstances. This is because A) his basis for comparison is a disordered attempt to sleep in normal places under normal circumstances, B) something about danger satisfies his brain into running more smoothly, and C) he's a resourceful person who is 'not given to introspection,' and so is less likely to wonder why his body demands sleep at strange times and more likely to focus on finding a place for that sleep to happen, and chalk this up later as a skill."

And returning briefly to EDS: Why would someone like Moist waste time finding a safe place to sleep while people are actively trying to kill him? At the beginning of GP, he leaves Vetinari's office and immediately goes on the run. In multiple books, when he feels threatened, his brain instinctively launches into complex escape plans. We see him successfully blend into an Ankh-Morpork crowd at least once after becoming a public figure.

So why bother? After all, a safe place to sleep is also a safe place to change clothes, or at least remove whatever distinguishing features he's given himself. Why wouldn't he just become someone else and leave town immediately?

The obvious answer is that sometimes things just happen, and an author doesn't need to know or explain every single detail of a character's past.

I would suggest, though, that one of those things might be Moist reaching a point where sleep is just not optional. A point where he not only doesn't, but can't, care about anything else. Where he is too tired to think straight, too tired to talk his way out of trouble, too tired to even contemplate the long journey from one town to the next.

2. "Moist knew he ought to get some sleep, but he had to be there, too, alive and sparkling."

Sometimes (especially in combination with underlying mental health issues) narcoleptic sleep deprivation can bypass everything I've described so far, and lead straight into a manic state. You won't necessarily find that on Google, but it's been my experience.

That's obviously not what the text is implying. "Alive and sparkling" is just a very relatable description. And we do often see Moist getting away from himself, speaking without thinking, making absurd promises that he justifies immediately afterwards as Just Part Of Being Him, always raising the stakes.

And here are a couple of excerpts from Raising Steam that could be interpreted as Moist being a light sleeper, AKA struggling to get deep sleep:

1. "And slowly Moist shut down, although a part of him was always listening to the rhythm of the rails, listening in his sleep, like a sailor listening to the sounds of the sea."

2. "All Moist's life he'd managed to find a way of sleeping in just about every circumstance and, besides, the guard's van was somehow the hub of the train; and although he didn't know how he did it, he always managed to sleep with half of one ear open."

Moist is exactly the kind of opportunist to see that as a useful tool, isn't he?

III. Hypnagogic and Hypnopompic Hallucinations.

These are hallucinations that come on as you're falling asleep or waking up. They can also happen during REM intrusions while you're awake. My most memorable ones include piano notes, someone calling my name, being trapped in the waves of a large body of water, and a huge truck going over a guard rail and tumbling down a hill. These are often, but not always, accompanied by sleep paralysis (and sleep paralysis is often, but not always, accompanied by hallucinations).

In GP, Moist casually cites his own hallucinations as proof that what is happening at the post office is not one.

"They're all alive! And angry! They talk! It was not a hallucination! I've had hallucinations and they don't hurt!"

Obviously that's not true for everyone, but it's true for Moist, and he has enough experience that he immediately recognizes the difference.

At one point while awake, Moist "[snaps] out of a dream of chandeliers" to realize someone has approached him to talk, while he was busy having visions of what the post office used to look like/could look like again.

Now, that's cheating, because we're probably supposed to assume it's a side effect of being possessed, but... I'm putting it here anyway.

There is also perhaps a case to be made for the tendency of Moist's internal monologue to lapse into extremely specific and prolonged hypotheticals. The lines between hallucinations, waking dreams, and "regular" daydreams have always been very blurry to me. I'm especially curious about the example at the end of Going Postal, which goes like this:

"Look, I know what I'm like," he said. "I'm not the person everyone thinks I am. I just wanted to prove to myself I'm not like Gilt. More than a hammer, you understand? But I'm still a fraud by trade. I thought you knew that. I can fake sincerity so well that even I can't tell. I mess with people's heads—"

"You're fooling no one but yourself," said Miss Dearheart, and reached for his hand.

Moist shook her off, and ran out of the building, out of the city, and back to his old life, or lives, always moving on, selling glass as diamond, but somehow it just didn't seem to work anymore, the flair wasn't there, the fun had dropped out of it, even the cards didn't seem to work for him, the money ran out, and one winter in some inn that was no more than a slum he turned his face to the wall—

And an angel appeared.

"What just happened?" said Miss Dearheart.

Perhaps you do get two...

"Only a passing thought," said Moist.

In-universe... what is Adora reacting to? What did just happen? The fact that these incidents are not isolated to Going Postal is a point against it being some sort of literal timeline divergence caused by The Spirit Of The Post.

So maybe Moist visibly zoned out. Maybe he had some kind of minor but noticeable cataplexy attack (more on those later) as part of a REM intrusion, brought on by the intense emotions he's currently struggling with.

IV. Vivid Dreams.

Again, at least some of this is probably supposed to be part of the possession, but I've been professionally projecting myself onto the surreal dreams of magically afflicted characters for years. Do try this at home.

1. "Moist dreamed of bottled wizards, all shouting his name. In the best tradition of awaking from a nightmare, the voices gradually became one voice, which turned out to be the voice of Mr. Pump, who was shaking him."

2. Moist is uneasy about the Smoking Gnu's plan, and then he has an extremely detailed dream about the Grand Trunk burning down.

This culminates in "Moist awoke, the Grand Trunk burning in his head," followed by a paragraph of him thinking things through and starting to form his own alternative plan, followed immediately by "Moist awoke. He was at his desk, and someone had put a pillow under his head."

So he fell asleep at his desk, woke up from a vivid nightmare, was awake just long enough for a coherent train of thought, and then passed back out. Which once again is not "proof" of anything, but fits the predetermined interpretation like a glove.

V. Cataplexy.

Cataplexy is a sudden loss of muscle control, usually triggered by strong emotions. This is thought to be a facet of REM intrusion—waking instances of the atonia that is meant to stop us from acting out our dreams.

The most well-known manifestation is laughter making your knees buckle, but it's not always that severe. My own attacks range from facial twitching, usually when I'm angry or otherwise extremely upset, to all-over weakness/immobilization and near-collapse when I laugh. My knees have fully buckled once or twice.

This is the biggest stretch. This is the one that is absolutely only there if you've already decided to read entire novels between the lines. It's also not even necessary for the broader headcanon; plenty of people have narcolepsy without cataplexy (or such mild cataplexy that it's never noticeable, or very delayed onset, etc).

However. I am doing this for fun. So I want him to have it. It's also become a major part of how I imagine Moist engaging with emotion, and I'd like to make a case for that.

There are a few scattered references to Moist's legs shaking, or being unsteady, or outright giving way, but there's usually an external physical reason, and/or enough psychological shock to justify it without a medical condition.

The most compelling example I've found so far comes from Moist and Adora's conversation about people expecting Moist to deliver letters to the gods.

"I never promised to—"

"You promised to when you sold them the stamps!"

Moist almost fell off his chair. She'd wielded the sentence like a fist.

"And it'll give them hope," she added, rather more quietly.

"False hope," said Moist, struggling upright.

"Almost fell off his chair" at first sounds like casual hyperbole, but then "struggling upright" implies it was a bit more literal. It's also an accurate description of me recovering from my more severe attacks, supporting myself on a wall or my spouse, or pushing myself up if I've fallen over in bed.

That happens to me multiple times per day, by the way. It doesn't bother me, and I didn't realize there was anything unusual about it for a long time. I barely think about it, except to fondly note that my spouse is good at making me laugh.

Which is to say, even severe cataplexy is not always noticeable or debilitating. Sometimes it absolutely is! It can be downright dangerous, depending on where you are, what you're doing, and whether you have any other conditions it might exacerbate. I don't want to undermine that.

I am just hell-bent on justifying the idea that this fictional character could have repeated attacks throughout the canonical narrative that are so routine they don't merit an explanation, or even a description. Especially for someone who is used to hiding his few distinguishing features behind false ones that are much more memorable. (See also.)

(That link goes to my own fanfic. Sorry.)

On the milder side, between Going Postal and Making Money, there are three instances of Moist's mouth "dropping open" when he's shocked, upset, confused, or some combination of the three. This is the kind of thing that shows up a lot in fiction, but rarely happens so literally in real life.

(There's technically a fourth instance, but I'm not counting it because it seems to be a deliberate choice on his part to convey surprise.)

And then there's laughter. Or rather, there isn't. I could be missing something, but I've searched all three books for instances of laughter and various synonyms (not counting spoken "Ha!"s), and what I've come up with is:

Moist laughs once in Going Postal, when he receives the assignment for the race to Genua.

Two packages were handed over. Moist undid his, and burst out laughing.

There's also an instance earlier in the book where Moist nearly "burst[s] out laughing."

I find the specifics here interesting, and, for our purposes, fortuitous. Cataplexy is complicated and presents differently for everyone. In my case, when laughter triggers an attack, one of the effects (which is sometimes also a cause) is that I laugh very hard, with little or no control. "Burst out laughing" is quite apt.

Let's move on to Making Money, and start with a quick tangent:

Mr. Bent explains that he has no sense of humor due to a medical condition, and that he isn't upset about this and doesn't understand why people feel sorry for him.

Moist immediately starts in with "Have you tried—" before getting cut off by the frustrated Bent.

Out-of-universe, "Have you tried" is such a well-known refrain to anyone with an incurable condition, I'm not at all surprised to find it in a book written by someone who had at least begun the process that would lead to a diagnosis of early-onset Alzheimer's. And Pratchett has certainly never shied away from portraying ignorance in his protagonists.

In-universe, it feels a little odd. Moist's tongue runs away from him all the time, but usually in the form of making ridiculous claims or impossible promises. Moist's entire stock-in-trade is People Skills, and it feels strange for him to make this kind of mistake immediately after being told Mr. Bent is not looking for solutions.

But if one were reading with, for instance, the idea in mind that Moist himself has an incurable condition related to laughter and is enthusiastic about, but still relatively new to, the practice of drawing on his own experiences to help people... it is easy to imagine the gears in his head turning the wrong way, superimposing those experiences over the tail end of Mr. Bent's explanation. Disabled people are not immune to these well-meaning pitfalls.

There is another Mr. Bent moment that I want to discuss, but we'll circle back around to it later.

I found two instances of Moist himself laughing in MM.

1. "He said it with a laugh, to lighten the mood a little."

This is deliberate laughter, employed as a social tactic. A polite chuckle, probably. Not the sort of thing that generally triggers cataplexy.

2. "Moist started to laugh, and stopped at the sight of her grave expression."

The first and only involuntary laugh in MM. It doesn't always trigger attacks...

Which brings us to Raising Steam. Compared to the first two books, Moist laughs a lot here. I count nine instances. Two of them are "burst out laughing"s, a couple include him as part of a group, some of it comes off as deliberate, and some of it doesn't.

I've always seen a lot of... rage in Raising Steam. Combing through it for laughter, I realized Moist's emotions in general are much closer to the surface here, and he's much less concerned about letting people see them. He laughs with friends and acquaintances, he cries in front of strangers, he shouts at Harry King, he has that entire conversation with Dick that boils down to "I'm very worried about you," etc.

Opinions vary wildly and sharply on Raising Steam. I have my own hangups with it, as I do with most books in the series. (Every time I make a new Discworld post, Tumblr passive-aggressively suggests the tag "my kingdom for a discworld character who is normal about women and other species.")

But I like this particular change in Moist, and I choose to see it as character development. He's trading in the professional detachment of a conman for the ability to grow into himself as a person and make meaningful connections.

So, what does that have to do with cataplexy? A lot.

I don't want to get too maudlin, so I'll just say I have plenty of personal experience with emotional repression masking cataplexy symptoms. And so, I believe, does the version of Moist we've put together over the course of this post.

Which brings us back to Making Money, and Mr. Bent. He says something about Moist that I find very interesting: "I do not trust those who laugh too easily."

Unless I've missed something, at that point in the book, Moist has never actually laughed in front of him. And Mr. Bent is a man who pays very close attention to details.

So, what is the in-universe explanation for this? I'd like to propose that Moist is very skilled at seeming to laugh, without actually laughing. He smiles, he's friendly, and he makes other people laugh, which is another thing Bent dislikes about him. He gives the impression of being someone who laughs a lot. (He certainly left that impression on me; I was very surprised by the lack of examples in the first two books.)

Even staying strictly within the bounds of canon, it's easy to imagine why this might have become part of Moist's camouflage in his previous life. He wasn't looking to get attached to anyone, and he didn't want anyone getting inside his head. Engaging with people genuinely enough to laugh at their jokes would run counter to both of those things, but some of his personas still needed to come off as friendly and sociable.

Still working within the canon, it makes sense to assume he's similarly distanced himself from emotion in general. He sits in a cell for several weeks without truly believing he's going to die. He's bewildered when Mr. Pump points out that his schemes have hurt innocent people. He has no idea what to do with his feelings for Adora. Etc.

Interpreting Moist as having cataplexy adds an extra element of danger. Moist thrives on danger, but there's a difference between the thrill of a con and the threat of sudden, uncontrollable displays of vulnerability. And so it becomes even easier to see him stifling his own emotional capacity.*

We meet Moist at a moment of great upheaval. He is forcibly removed from his cocoon of false identities, and pushed out into the world as himself. And we are shown and told throughout Going Postal that he does not know how to be himself. (See also.)

He is repeatedly stymied by his own emotions. He gets tongue-tied and confused around Adora, he snaps at Mr. Pump, he lashes out at Mr. Groat, he gets lost in school flashbacks when he meets Miss Maccalariat. This thread continues in Making Money, where the sudden reappearance of Cribbins immediately rattles him into making an uncharacteristic mistake.

I called him Cribbins! Just then! I called him Cribbins! Did he tell me his name? Did he notice? He must have noticed!

Later in the same book, Moist misses a crucial opportunity to run damage control on the bank's public image... because he's excited to see Adora.

The Moist of GP and MM is not used to feeling things so deeply. It throws him off his game. I'm not at all suggesting cataplexy is the only (or even primary) reason for that, but I do think there's room for it on both sides of the cause and effect equation.

With or without the cataplexy, I find Moist's relative emotional openness in Raising Steam... really nice. (It's a work in progress. He's still getting a handle on anger.)

Cataplexy just adds another dimension. A physical manifestation of emotional vulnerability, which would have been especially untenable for a teenager on the run. Just one more facet of the real, human, fallible Moist von Lipwig who spent years buried beneath Albert Spangler and all the rest.

Another piece of himself that Moist is growing to understand and accept, as he learns to more comfortably be himself.

The Moist of Going Postal runs into a burning building to save lives without fully understanding why he wants to, and justifies it on the fly as an essential part of the role he's trying to play.

The Moist of Raising Steam mindlessly throws himself under a train to save two children, and then blows up at Harry King about the lack of safety regulations. Freshly traumatized by the murder of several railway workers and his own violent, vengeful response to it, he still offers, in the face of Harry's own grief, to be the one to inform their families. On a long and dangerous journey with plenty of moving parts to think about, he worries about Dick Simnel and the other engineers, and pushes them to take better care of themselves.

He also meets a bunch of kids who nearly derailed a train as part of a childish scheme. His admonishment is startlingly vivid.

"Can you imagine a railway accident? The screaming of the rails and the people inside and the explosion that scythes the countryside around when the boiler bursts? And you, little girl, and your little friends, would have done all that. Killed a trainload of people."

[...]

"I'll square this with the engine driver, but if I was you I'd get my pencil and turn any clever ideas you have like this into a book or two. Those penny dreadfuls are all the rage in the railway bookshops."

Maybe what he is also saying, between the lines, is:

I left home at 14 and began a life of smoke and mirrors. I was empty inside, and I thought everyone else was, too. It was all fun and games, and then a man made of clay told me I was killing people. Nip it in the bud, child. Write books.

------------

*There are studies suggesting that in addition to deliberately employed "tricks," people with cataplexy may experience physiological reactions in the brain meant to inhibit laughter. (Source 1, Source 2.)

Most of the information here is way over my head, but that second link also says "one region of the brain called the zona incerta (meaning 'zone of uncertainty') was only activated during laughter in people with narcolepsy, not in controls. Research on the zona incerta in animals suggests that it also helps to control fear-associated behavior."

The linked article about that (https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-018-03581-6) is also over my head, but I would certainly describe Moist von Lipwig as having unusual fear responses.**

**Narcolepsy is a fun roller-coaster ride of constant scientific discoveries about exactly which parts of your brain are paying too much attention, not paying enough attention, or trying to eat each other.

[stayevildarling]

Wilhemina Venable x Reader- When the time is right Pt 2

Part 1, Part 3

word count: 3.5k

warnings: brief mention of dizziness and feeling sick, mention of scoliosis, angst + fluff at the end

A/N: Part two! I will write one more part, potentially two, kind of depends. I hope everyone enjoys this story so far!

Taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker , @mrsdeanhoward , @alexajbitar , @in-cordelias-coven , @kenzbro , @loverofallthingssarah , @twistedpoeticjustice , @billiebeanhoward , @minaslittleone , @lilypadscoven , @vintagepaulson , @ninaahs , @whitelotus00 , @httpfiftyshadesofgay

After getting back to your desk and quickly sitting down as it felt like your legs might just give up on you, heart still racing fast and mind filled with thoughts, you try and focus on the tasks ahead again. Your boss instructed you to make arrangements for the new partnership with Kineros Robotics and as you do some research on their website instead of clicking the Company History link or the product one to actually write the article, your thoughts trail off.

As a result, you click on ''Employees'' and you recognize the two men from earlier. One of them is called Jeff Pfister and the other one is called Mutt Nutter and you chuckle at that name. You learn they are heads of the company and then you see HR and there she is Wilhemina. In the photo she seems cold and harsh and not even in your worst nightmares you imagined meeting her would be like it was today.

First of all, you have trouble believing she works and lives in the same city you do now like it must be fate right? You moved and changed jobs and you find yourself in the same city? Your new firm working together with hers? and you running into her after thinking of her earlier while listening to some lyrics in your lunch break?

It all seems too good to be true and it definitely must be the universe sending you both some kind of signal. As you type out some words on your computer, actually trying to get some work done, you feel how shaky you are and that you can't even type properly. Taking a deep breath, you try and remind yourself to say calm and that this feeling will pass and reminding yourself this is just the result from today's events.

As you lean down to get your bag to drink something you see stars and you can feel dizziness approaching, so you slowly make your way to the employee's bathroom, also feeling slightly sick. Standing by the sink, you let some cold water run down your wrists and you also splash some cold water on your face to try and calm yourself down.

Obviously, it would affect you, seeing her again so unexpectedly but you didn't think it would hit you like this and feel like a tornado just rippled through your life. It feels like all this time since Wilhemina walked out of your life, the pain never truly stopped, and even though you had healed since, the scars opened again today.

After a while, you hear the bathroom door open and you hold onto the sink feeling sicker by the second. ''Oh dear Y/N are you okay?'' you hear one of your co-workers ask and rush over to you.

''Yeah I- I think I didn't drink enough'' you say and she offers to take you home but you don't wanna bother her. ''I think I will be fine'' you say and after drinking some water she got for you, you feel less dizzy but still completely exhausted.

''I will talk to Mr. Odell'' she says and before you can protest she is gone. After a few moments, she comes back with your bag and coat and guides you outside the building, and takes you to your car.

''Are you sure you should drive?'' she asks concerned but you reassure her you are fine. ''Thank you'' you say and she leaves with a smile and says ''Just rest and if you need anything just call'' and with that she leaves and you are left, sitting in your car and you let out a deep breath you have been holding in for way too long.

You start your engine, knowing deep down that you are in no state to actually drive and that you probably shouldn't but at the same time you just want to get back into the comfort of your own apartment, as soon as possible and lie down.

The drive doesn't take too long and with the window open, music very quietly playing in the background, and the occasional sips of water, you manage to get home quicker than you initially thought. You drop your bag and coat in the hallway and after shutting the door, you head straight to the bedroom, abandoning all your thoughts and things and practically falling into bed.

The dizziness quickly subceeds as you feel your body now adjusting to the comfort of your mattress, soft pillow, and blanket you managed to wrap loosely around your tired body. Sleep quickly consumes you, your body needing rest after this exhausting day, the thought of the redhead, causing this reaction, abandoned for now but she is here yet again to haunt you in your dreams, moments after falling asleep.

''No no no please don't leave'' you scream, currently caught in a nightmare, another sign your body and brain are still processing today's events. It feels like your personal hell, as you seem to relive the worst moment of your life over and over again and that's Wilhemina walking out of your life just in different scenarios and moments but it hurts in every form of it. Tears stream down your face as you beg her not to go but each time she leaves and it feels like dying every time.

The next morning:

As soon as your eyes snap open after hearing a faint sound coming from the other end of your apartment, you feel exhausted, the last night not providing you with the kind of sleep you needed for your body and mind to fully relax and be ready for another busy and packed day ahead.

Sighing, you rub your eyes and slowly get out of bed, your feet automatically following the source of the noise, that initially woke you up and as you realize it's your phone, you are somewhat glad for the distraction as it pulled you out of several nightmares. As you finally reach your bag, you retrieve your phone and you feel relieved as you realize it's 6:30 am and you didn't miss work. At the same time, your heart skips a beat as you see Mr. Odell's number this early in the morning.

''He-hello?'' you ask slightly dumbfounded why he would be calling you at this time in the morning. ''Ahh Miss Y/L/N I was just checking to see if you feel better'' he starts but you can already feel he is after something as this seems like a small excuse to call you. ''Yes I am, thank you'' you quickly reply, waiting for his actual reason behind calling you this early.

''Listen, the contracts with Kineros Robotics are finished, I need you to go and collect them with Ms. Venable this morning'' he instructs and you can already hear him typing away on his computer. ''Of course'' you reply before he says a few 'Thank yous' and ending the call.

Closing your eyes, you try and take a deep breath and remind yourself that everything will be okay and to keep the raging storm of emotions at bay but somehow the thought of seeing Wilhemina again terrifies you and makes your stomach flip but at the same time there are so many 'What ifs' and unanswered questions, still filling your brain and causing you to overthink.

Still feeling sleepy and also exhausted from the night before, you decide to have a quick shower, before getting ready and adjusting your usual work attire in the mirror, styling your hair, and applying makeup. The only difference today is that no amount of makeup could cover or hide the bags under your eyes and how exhausted you look.

Taking a deep breath and grabbing your things, as well as a coffee, you leave your apartment and head over to Kineros Robotics. Somehow, even though it seemed like on the entire car ride there you didn't even pay attention to anything, the day before you, you somehow did as you find yourself in the familiar parking lot, a while later.

As you walk in, heading straight towards the familiar corridor, walking past the front desk, you don't realize at first, that the entire building is dead quiet, your own thoughts too loud and only as you pass a clock on the wall, you realize it's seven thirty am and probably the reason for the silence and no one there yet.

Part of yourself feels relieved as you hear some clicking on a computer keyboard and without being able to see her yet, you know Wilhemina is already there. You aren't actually that surprised because the redhead used to be the first one in the office every morning, at your old firm where you worked together, always the first to open up and last to close up, really focussed on her work and taking it seriously.

As she hears footsteps approach, Wilhemina looks up confused about who would already be here at this time because she is always the first one and her idiot bosses wouldn't be awake at this time. ''Y/N?'' she asks confused as she sees you enter, stopping whatever she is working on, and for a moment you just look at her unable to say a word.

She scans each one of your features and by your posture and facial expression she knows you are not okay, she used to hold you whenever you weren't feeling well or after a nightmare and she can read you better than anyone else.

''What- what are you doing here this early?'' she asks confused and you can tell she hesitated at first before asking and you notice her voice still sounds dominant but it sounds slightly softer at the same time.

Finally clearing your throat and approaching her desk, ignoring your sweaty palms or heart beating faster, you compose yourself and manage to form a reply.

''I'm here to pick up the files and contracts for Mr. Odell'' you say, still feeling intimidated by her burning gaze. It seems as if she is staring straight into your soul, reading and knowing every single detail about you like the sleepless nights, nightmares, or how she still haunts you every single day.

''Very well'' she replies and nods and she retrieves her cane, gripping hard around the snake handle, before walking over to a cabinet and getting out some folders with the needed documents. As she has to slightly bend down, you notice the same expression on her face, even though you can only see half of it. Wilhemina always hid her pains from you, even back then, she would reassure and promise and pull the most adorable faces, promising she is okay but you knew deep down by the furrow in her eyebrow and how quickly her eyes shut close, whenever she had to move her back the slightest, she was lying.

It takes her moments to gather the needed documents and you find a little smile playing on your lips because despite what happened to the woman you used to know so well, it makes you feel calm that deep down she is still the same organized and hard-working Wilhemina she always had been. It feels like a glimpse of hope, a little ray of sunshine in the middle of a storm.

However, your smile quickly fades as Wilhemina turns around, her gaze lingering on you as she walks towards you. Her expression is stern and cold, no emotion visible and your little glimpse of hope vanishing again. Slowly the realization sinks in that no matter what might have happened, there will be no way to ever get back to how things used to be and this doesn't just cause your throat to go dry, hands shaking uncontrollably again but also for your heart to beat out of your chest, the feeling of anxiety slightly creeping it's ugly way back into your brain.

The woman standing across you, that used to be so much more to you than a stranger, scans your features, noticing the bags under your eyes and the sadness radiating off you. She can look behind the facade, the forced and polite smile but the Wilhemina currently standing in front of you doesn't know how to reach you anymore, as deep down she knows that she lost you long ago and along with you, the only source of light in her life, ever.

Snapping out of it, Wilhemina hands you the files not once averting your gaze and it feels like you might just die from the force her brown observing eyes have on you. As she hands you the files, you reach for it, trying to hide the shaking of your hands but the redhead instantly notices, her gaze finally leaving your eyes.

''Thank you, M-'' you start to say out of a habit, as you were so used to calling her that nickname before but you stop yourself just in time. You give her a polite smile that she doesn't return, her face completely lacking any emotions or giving you any indication on how she is feeling, either about this interaction or seeing you again in general.

Slowly, you turn back around, the same polite smile on your face and a little nod as a form of saying goodbye to her, not expecting to see her again in the near future, as Mr. Odell's assistant would be back tomorrow and you wouldn't be working on this anymore either way. As soon as you turn around and are about to head to the exit, back through the same corridor, your smile fades, face almost crumpling, the pain of seeing the woman you love change into this person completely lacking emotions and reminding you more of a robot than a human, which technically is fitting, considering the company you are currently in and the work they do.

Just as you are about to leave, you suddenly feel a hand reach for your wrist. You flinch momentarily and freeze, as you feel the material of the cold gloves on your skin. Instantly you are reminded of her touch lingering on your skin before when the two of you were still in each other's arms and lives. Her hands had never felt this strange and cold before, as they used to have the sole purpose of making you feel warm and loved, either by holding you or making you feel beautiful in other ways.

Finally, you snap your eyes open as a wave of emotions hit you, part of you wants to cry, part of you is angry about the way she left, heartbroken even being in the same room and just deeply concerned and worried about the redhead standing behind you and holding onto you still as if she was scared if she let go, she would lose you all over again.

''Y/N wait'' Wilhemina whispers and as you turn around, now inches apart, you don't notice the way her voice went soft and she let go of her grip after noticing you flinched a bit at the sensation. The two of you instantly lock eyes and it feels like so much is being said, simply through the locking of your eyes.

Despite the redhead trying to hide her true emotions, internally reminding herself who she is and who she has to be, to keep her perfect and cold appearance intact, she crumbles underneath the bottling up emotions and the way it made her feel to see you again. You notice the inner battle she is fighting, her eyes turning a darker and lighter shape with each thought inside Wilhemina. It feels as if the soft Mina is trying to fight her way out of this darker version, wanting to say so many things to you, but at the same time fighting with everything she has left inside her.

As you stand there frozen, just watching the woman standing across from you, your own emotions take over as tears prickle in your eyes and your heart loudly begins thumping in your chest. You look at the redhead, part of you begging her to speak up, to finally let those bottled up emotions go as you can practically feel them radiating off her. For a split second you have hope, as her mouth parts and you expect something, an explanation, an apology or something that could soothe the many questions and aching in your heart, that started with the day she walked out of your shared apartment.

However, the battle inside Wilhemina is too strong, the darker side having ruled her little kingdom of emotions too long that in result, soft Wilhemina, the woman you used to know and fell in love with, has no chance of winning or voicing herself. You sigh in defeat, as you realize there is no chance to get even a simple explanation out of Wilhemina. ''It's okay'' you mumble, after giving her enough time to speak and realizing that it's too late.

Your ex-girlfriend watches, as you turn your back to her again, this time not stopping in your tracks and this time you being the one to walk out of her workplace and life. She stands there frozen, unable to move for a while as the soft Mina is utterly heartbroken as a small part is still inside fighting somewhere. It takes her several minutes to snap out of her state after hearing her two bosses walk in with silly faces, clearly wanting something from the redhead again and needing her attention. She snaps out of it, turning around and walking towards her desk, the same cold expression on her face as if nothing had happened.

A while later, you sit by your desk after handing your boss the documents and unavoidably handing him the key to your connection to Wilhemina, as from tomorrow on Mr. Odell's assistant will be working on the Kineros Robotics case again, like she was supposed to. You try and focus on the tasks ahead but avert your gaze from your computer, looking out the window and watching as the clouds keep the sun from shining and blessing the city with sunlight. Your mind can't help but wander to Wilhemina and the question what had happened to her in the first place to change into the person you had met again yesterday.

Feeling a little shiver run down your spine, you try and ignore the thoughts, accepting fate and believing that fate always has a plan in the end. ''Maybe we aren't meant to be after all'' you think to yourself, before focussing your attention on your tasks and work for the day again, unaware that in a similar, much more purple office, on the other side of the city Wilhemina is sitting by her desk, her mind occupied by you.

[hizashiiis]

Bakusquad + “Why are you awake” Part One

This felt like such a cute prompt! I had a lot of fun with it. The first part is Bakugo, Kiri, and Denki, and part two will be Sero, Mina, and Jirou!

Warnings: insomnia, exam stress, bakugo being angry

Bakugo Katsuki

- He often has to drag you to bed

- He acts like he hates your little night routine, but it’s honestly one of his favorite things

- He likes taking the trip down the hall to your dorm, knocking lightly, knowing you’re still awake, even if it’s pretty late

- He used to go to sleep really early, but now he tends to wait for your goodnight text before laying down

- It makes him feel better, knowing you’re asleep and resting before he drifts off

- But sometimes you keep staying up, not sending a goodnight text, so he has to go tell you to sleep

The students of class 1-A have pretty much gotten used to hearing Bakugo stomping down the hall to your dorm at night, but the hour actually surprises a few of them this time. They know that usually he’s banging down your door no later than eleven pm, but here he comes, angry footsteps and all, at 1:43 am. 

Muffled curses are spat in the general direction of your room, Katsuki not even really trying to keep people from noticing. He’s on a mission, little sparks igniting in his palms. 

He had not intended to let you stay up this late, but he had foolishly taken a nap right after training, and as a result, woke up around 1:30 am. He looked at his phone, searching for the goodnight text that must have come, but there was none. The two of you were a couple with principles, so he knew you wouldn’t have simply forgone the text. 

Reaching your door, Katsuki doesn’t bother knocking, opting instead to barge in with a friendly, “What the fuck are you doing up?”

You turn around quickly, abandoning the book you were lost in when you see his pissed-off expression. 

You didn’t really know what time it was. You had settled down with your book to wait for Katsuki about three hours ago, and you’d been wrapped up in the adventure ever since. But judging by your boyfriend’s face, it was probably well past time to go to bed. 

“Hi, Katsu.” Is the only response you can think of at the moment. 

“Hi, dumbass.” He mocks you, pointing to his phone, showing the late hour. 

Your eyes widen. It really is later than you thought. “Oh, no, I’ve really kept you waiting a long time. I’m sorry, love.” His expression softens slightly when he realizes you didn’t mean to stay up so long. 

He crosses over to you, putting a bookmark in your story, and pulls you into a hug. “I thought I told you about how rest is important. You can’t forget.” He kisses your forehead; an unusually soft gesture for him, and leads you to your bed. 

“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. The book was just…” You start to yawn, settling into your covers. “It’s a really good story.” 

He listens to you talk about the book you’re reading and plays with your hair until you finally fall asleep. Pulling out his phone, he sends you his goodnight text, and walks back to his room. 

Kirishima Eijirou

- He’s a pretty late sleeper, but he starts getting a little worried about you if he notices you’re still up past midnight

- He’s usually training at absurd hours when he notices what time it is

- He likes to check on you some nights, especially if classes were hard that day

- Like, if Aizawa had been particularly rough to listen to that day or something, he’s right there at the end of the day

- On weekends, he brings you to his dorm to hang out, showing you things he found online

- Sometimes he just lets you fall asleep there

“Hey, my little pebble! Are you still awake in there?” He knocks at your door before stepping inside, noting the small piles of paper stacked around the room. It was almost exam time, and you had been a little overworked lately. 

You peek out from a blanket cocoon, eyes swimming after re-reading the same sentence about eight times. “Kiri? What’cha doing here?”

He looks over your shoulder at the work you’ve been doing and quickly tosses it to the side, scooping you up into his arms. “It’s Friday, baby! Did you forget?” His tone is light, teasing you, but you really had forgotten, and your head feels like it’s under an ocean.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I’ve been studying pretty much since I got back here.” You raise your head from where it had been laid on Eijirou’s shoulder, looking at his features up close. His face looks so nice from this perspective. He’s smiling at you. 

“Don’t worry about it. Come on, it’s cuddle time!” Bounding out of your room, you in his arms, he looks so much like a kid. He’s very cute when he comes to get you for weekly cuddle time, always so happy to see you. 

“Is cuddling manly, Kiri?” You tease him as he runs, causing him to halt in his tracks, nearly dropping you as he insists that only the manliest of men cuddle with people as lovely as you. 

When you reach his room, Kirishima sets you down on his desk chair and tells you to wait there. His excited footsteps can be heard from behind you as he scurries around his space, collecting what seems to be a small mountain of things. He seems to have no regard for the fact that it’s quite late-- well past 1 am, in fact-- while he trips over things.

By the time he tells you to turn around, you’re both consumed with giggles. But all sounds fade when you face him. He’s holding a shoebox that’s been haphazardly decorated with red stickers, filled with comfort items. 

“Since you’ve been so worried about exams, I thought I might make you something. Pretty cool, huh?” 

“It’s amazing. Thank you, Eiji.” You give him a soft kiss, looking into his eyes for a few moments. Suddenly he seems to remember how late he came to get you, and his expression changes. 

“Time for bed!” He scoops you up again, ignoring your squeak of surprise to put you in his bed, covering you up with his favorite blanket and settling next to you for the night. You’ll probably both get in trouble for this, but that doesn’t really bother either of you right now. It’s late anyways. 

Kaminari Denki

- It’s completely the opposite for Denki

- He doesn’t sleep until the early hours of the morning

- Even if there’s something important he has to do the next morning, it’s really hard for him to get to sleep

- Because of his quirk, he always has a lot of energy, and it isn’t that he doesn’t want to sleep, he physically can’t sometimes

- Enter you

- Denki claims that you help him sleep better, and it’s possible that’s true, but it’s also possible he just likes having you close

- You’ve woken up to him staring at you a few too many times to be normal

- But anyway

- On nights where he can’t get to sleep, he has two things to try

- The first is calling you

- But he doesn’t want to bother you

- So sometimes he just waits, keeping his lights on way after he was supposed to turn them off, so that when you get up and walk past his dorm, you’ll come check on him

You’ve been asleep for hours already. It’s three in the morning, but you woke up suddenly with a strong urge to go get some water. Groggily, you throw the covers off and stand up, turning on the little lamp beside your bed. Your head feels heavy from sleep, and you exit your room slowly. 

The walk to get water is short, and on the way there, you don’t notice anything out of the ordinary. It’s only after you drink the first few sips that you notice the light coming from under the door of your boyfriend’s room. 

Yawning, you walk over and knock. “Sunshine? You up?” You call out softly, so as not to wake the other students. A few seconds later, the door opens to an exhausted looking Denki clutching his headphones. His usual energy is nowhere to be found, he just looks tired. Still, though, he smiles when he sees you, taking your hand to let you in. 

“Hi, cutie. What’re you doin’ here this late?” He asks, rubbing his eyes. 

Taking a look around his room, you see the evidence of his lack of sleep. His phone is plugged into his headphones, and there’s an old episode of Parks and Recreation playing from his smuggled television. 

“Saw the light on.” You say, rubbing your thumb over his palm to get his mind to calm a bit. “I was worried you were still up. I was right.” You pull him over to his bed, moving various books and things off of it in favor of getting your tired boy to rest. 

He laughs sheepishly. “Sorry. I tried, but I couldn’t fall asleep.”

You shake your head, not needing him to apologize, but not really knowing how to convey that through your current sleepy state. 

You crawl into his bed, making grabby hands to get him to come with you. He happily follows, curling around you like a koala. He claps twice, and the lights turn off.

“Really, Kami? You have clap lights?” You say through giggles, looking at him in the darkness. He pouts, snuggling closer into you. 

“Shhhhh. They’re convenient.” He mumbles, already drifting into a deep slumber. You giggle once more, running your hands through his hair. 

“I’m sure they are. Goodnight Sunshine.”

[airashisakura]

Pregnancy Diaries

Chapter 1 - Ball of Fur

Rating : General audience

Relationships : Uchiha Sasuke & Haruno Sakura

Summary : Sasuke wakes up one fine morning and finds Sakura missing.

FFN Ao3

This lovely art was a birthday gift from @something-like-air Also thanks to @ayuumaku for drawing this cute and beautiful art💖

The light peeking through the curtains of the rented room stirred the raven haired shinobi out from his slumber. He groaned and refused to get up from half-awake state as his lone hand traveled to the other side of the bed to clutch his wife and hide his face in the nook of her shoulder.

Every morning he inhaled her saccharine scent that invigorated him to face a new day. The day itself was bright and sunny, just like her smile. It had become a habit for Sasuke to snuggle before all his senses kicked in to continue for the coming day. But today, his hands were kissed good morning by an empty sheet. He sprang up from his sleepy state, partly bewildered and partly scared.

After Sakura became part of his journey, they had been camping mostly under open skies and after regular intervals they would settle in at an inn - to refill their basic supplies and to indulge in intimate acts after they set out again. But this morning routine was never missed. Even in woods and in unknown terrains, Sasuke somehow made sure to indulge himself in this pleasure. And now back from a few weeks, they'd been sleeping in warm bed and futons more often. It had become crucial too! Although Sakura didn't mind and persuaded Sasuke not to, Sasuke couldn't stop fretting over spending nights in the middle of nowhere when his wife was about 9 weeks pregnant and combating early symptoms of pregnancy like unexplainable tiredness, random headaches, and unusual abdominal cramps and backaches.

And here he is... His pregnant wife was missing from the bed. His concern about her health pushed him out of his torpid state. He knocked on the door of the washroom since her morning sickness was getting worse day by day. Sakura wasn't there either. And now missing from the room they stayed at the night with no note of her leaving abruptly. Sasuke tried sensing her chakra, but it was of no use. It brought two possibilities in his mind - either she had some urgent errands to run in the village, or she was in trouble. Uchiha Sasuke had never felt his fingers running cold, but he was confident that if it had been the latter one, Sakura would have left some clues. He trusted his wife's skills and intellect. He dressed up quickly in his full shinobi attire, and he rushed outside to inspect more.

Sasuke was planning to look thoroughly around the whole village. He knew very well that Sakura could take care of anyone who might try to hurt her, but her current condition worried him. He was about to leave the inn when he considered asking about her whereabouts at the reception desk, where an old lady sat sipping tea, complaining about her old-age.

Sasuke furrowed his brow at the thought of initiating a conversation with people. That was something Sakura was good at, and she usually took the responsibility wherever they went. Well, Damn you Sakura!

"Excuse me?" Sasuke tapped on the counter to get the lady's attention.

The lady looked suspiciously at him from above the rim of her round glasses.

"Have you seen a woman around my age?" Sasuke was trying to be more distinctive while describing his wife. "Pink hair and green eyes."

The suspicion in the lady's face grew dark. "What business do you have with her?" She retorted back.

What! I was with her when we checked in yesterday! Sasuke let out a frustrated sigh. "I am her husband."

"Oh?" The woman began to complain again about her old age and regressing memory.

Sasuke was losing it now. He had no idea where Sakura was or what even happened to her! He was regretting this useless interaction when the lady screeched at top of her voice.

"Sakura-chan is so good and beautiful."

Sasuke raised his eyebrows, but more and more anger built up as the lady hadn't told if she had seen his wife or not!

"Come with me, boy." The old lady got off from the seat as she muttered and cursed about her backache.

Sasuke bluntly followed her with his usual aloof expression. The old lady started walking towards the stairs. Sasuke was perplexed to find out that Sakura was still somewhere in the inn, yet relieved as he ticked off all the dangerous possibilities he'd been able to conjure. They crossed the first floor where their allotted room was, then she took the stairs to the second floor. The old lady's sluggish movements and the beats of her walking stick against the wooden stairs were testing his patience.

This is terrible, Sasuke cursed inwardly as he realized how impatient he could grow when he couldn't feel Sakura's skin or her chakra. Although the latter wasn't Sakura's fault, he was one to suggest hiding their chakras after she got pregnant to prevent any enemy ambush.

Finally, Sasuke's patience was rewarded when the old lady pointed towards her. Sakura was sitting cross-legged on the floor in the balcony of an unrented room. She was in her regular civilian dress, carrying the Uchiha sigil at her back. The very evidence that Sasuke had rebuilt his family. But the scars of losing it all over were still fresh after all these years.

Yesterday, when they had checked in, they'd been asked to rent this room, but Sakura dismissed the offer since having an attached balcony would have added extra charges.

But what business does she have here!

"You're really lucky. Take good care of her."The old lady smiled with the few teeth she had.

Sasuke nodded gratefully before the lady walked away, leaving them alone.

Sasuke walked towards her. As he scooted near her, he saw Sakura. Her dilated pupils were beautifully set within her orbs, plump pink lips parted in astonishment, her cheeks resting on her palms with curiosity even rivaling that of a child. Sasuke's gaze followed with her to the source of her amazement.

A cat? He noticed the cat had an abnormally large belly. Now, he was done with deducing things!

"Sakura?"

"This cat is pregnant!"Sakura spoke with a little thrill in her voice.

"What are you doing here? And why didn't you leave a note?" His frustration came upon her, but he accused himself of being insensitive when Sakura turned to face him with a small pout forming on her lips.

Has she become more beautiful? Sasuke's heart thumped in his chest.

"Sorry, Sasuke-kun. I felt nauseous so I got out of bed and then I heard this poor thing yowling."She pointed towards the cat. She carefully patted on the female feline's round distended belly and continued, "I couldn't find out then from where the sound was coming. So I asked the old lady at reception about this in the morning and she brought me here. This cat might have somehow climbed up here but couldn't get down later."

Sasuke listened to her long explanation as he noticed she brought some food with her to feed the cat.

"And a note?"

"Well, I forgot to write one." She sheepishly admitted, scratching the back of her neck.

Sasuke glared at her. Sakura made her puppy face to cool down his wrath. Nevertheless, he gave up on his anger and sat beside her.

Sakura got again into her business of observing and caressing the cat. Sasuke noticed every feature of her alluring face that twinkled with happiness as she explained that the cat was going to deliver in a day or two. And other things he ignored, as usual, when he stared at her.

"Sasuke-kun, did you see that?" Sakura's voice spiked in excitement again, bringing Sasuke from his wandering state. He was reluctant to remove his eyes from her, but she coaxed him to look at the cat.

"See?" Sakura merrily pointed to a part of the cat's belly, which was momentarily raised by a little bump before leveling up again with the belly.

Sasuke literally had no idea what had just happened, but Sakura could make out by his face that he was scared like anything.

Sakura chuckled as she explained, "You see, one of the babies inside her kicked." And now her laugh diminished to a gentle smile settling on her lips as his cheeks turned crimson.

Sasuke's gaze followed towards her belly, which is still taut with no physical sign of new life sprouting inside her. But he remembered Sakura telling him that in the coming months it was going to expand and would be more visible.

Sakura held him by his wrist and placed his palm on her lower abdomen. "You know, this little one will also move and kick from the coming months." The shade of her cheeks deepened and Sasuke gawked.

"Would that hurt?" Sasuke asked her.

Sakura giggled. "Sometimes, it would. It depends on the baby's position in the womb." She explained as well as she could in medical terms. The perks of being a medic-nin!

"But it would be great to feel the baby move," she sighed dreamily.

It was still difficult for him to imagine that months later he would be a father. An unknown relationship that would come to existence - a new member of his family. This reminded him of the family he once had. He once thought nothing could revive the feelings of the family that he lost, yet here he was with the one who would gift him a new life. A new life carrying both of their parts.

"Ne Sasuke-kun, can we stay for a few more days till I see her kittens?" She understood that she accompanied Sasuke in his journey, promising that she wouldn't be a reason to halt him, but the newly surging maternal hormones urged her to.

"Aah," he paused and added, "We will shift to this room."

"Eh? Sasuke-kun, you don't…" Before she could complete her sentence, Sasuke pulled her closer and kissed gently on her forehead.

Sakura adjusted her position as she wrapped her arms around his torso and rested her head on his chest as Sasuke dipped his head in the crook of her neck, enjoying the closeness that he had missed that morning.

*******

Again, after two mornings, Sasuke found himself in bed alone when he woke up, but he knew now where Sakura was. He lazily dragged himself to the balcony where Sakura was seated on the floor. Sasuke sat beside her, looking towards the new wooly creatures, snuggling close to their mother. The cat had delivered a litter of kittens a day before and she was now busy in feeding her newborns.

After the cat was done, Sakura patted her and set a kitten on her lap. She scratched the head of the little being with fingers while she said, "I won't hold you here any longer. The kittens are well, so we can move now."

But something caught Sasuke's attention. He looked carefully towards the kitten that was on Sakura's lap. A pair of innocent emerald eyes stared back at him. Its body was covered with white fur except the head, which had shining black fur. Sasuke felt unexpected familiarity within that unfamiliar creature.

Could it be? Sasuke thought. An Uchiha with green eyes?

"Sasuke-kun?" Sakura nudged him out of his thoughts.

Sasuke blinked back and responded, "Aah."

Yes to Sakura's question and a yes to his own thought. He didn't think it wouldn be bad if his child got Sakura's eyes.

Sakura gave him a questioning look. Sasuke tapped on her forehead and stood up, saying, "Let's get going then."

Sakura blushed at his gesture.

She ruffled the mama cat's fur, earning a purr from her. Sasuke lent his hand as Sakura carefully got off from the floor, the other hand resting on her belly.

Sakura flinched in pain as she stood. "Ouch, my back hurts," she whined, rubbing her lower back.

"Hn. Just like that old lady."

Sakura narrowed her eyes on her insult, but she laughed it off.

Never had either of them thought someone's arrival could provide them with extra happiness they had never asked for!

Chapter 2