#i am extremely bad at putting things into words so please don't ask me to explain it any further

[alisinyobooty]

THE LOLLIPOP

Pairing: y/n and Chris Sturniolo

Summary: You and the triplets had bought some stuff one of those items being a bag of lollipops. As you eat one of them Chris's mind can't help but wander....

Warnings?: smut, chris x fem!reader, pet names, teasing, touching. LOTSS of talking, most likely bad grammar, erm idkkk

Word Count: 752

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Chris, Nick, Matt, and I had just come back home after shopping for some stuff down at the corner store. When we got inside I scurried to the bags looking for a bag of lollipops I had bought. “Anybody want one?”. Chris nods. I threw him a lollipop and ran downstairs to his room. Chris comes down a few minutes later. I'm just scrolling on TikTok sucking on the lollipop, but I can feel Chris's eyes on me.

“Chris am I doing something?”. I asked. He jumps slightly in his seat. “W-what why do you say that?”. Sweat dripped down his face. He seems to be nervous... “Nothing it's just I can feel you hardcore staring at me". I said with a chuckle. “Oh, sorry I just can’t help but watch u suck on that lollipop”. He said practically mumbling “What was that?”. “Nothing!”. Minutes pass by. Still being able to feel his stare. From the corner of my eye, I can see Chris constantly repositioning himself and every time he does his hand is seemingly covering his crotch area. Strange... “Fuck I can’t do this anymore” Chris admits. “Sorry?” His words caught me off guard.  “Ok uhm look” Chris groans in between breaths. “I just- “. He says before being cut off “Are you palming yourself?!” I yelled. “Shhh don’t let Matt and Nick hear you." silence filled the room "I am, I just can’t help it, you sucking on that lollipop it makes me feel things”.  I blankly stared at him before having a seductive like look on my face. “You need help with that erection?”. Slowly walking into a crawling motion toward him in his gaming chair. “Yes, please anything I just need you “. he says practically begging. “Do you really need me to help you though you seem fine”. Atp I'm sitting face to face with his bulge. “I really do need you” I'm slightly taken aback by how bad he wants it but gave in. Taking his pants and boxers off. His dick has a little cum and has some redness to it from all the palming he did beforehand. “you really couldn’t help yourself huh.. well your in for a treat”. Before anything, you tease him a bit. Kissing his red tip and everywhere else. Licking around. “Are you just gonna tease me or what?”. Chris says barley containing a sentence. deep down ive been waiting ages to suck this man off so I quit the teasing and go all in. Slamming my mouth into his dick causing a loud moan to erupt from his mouth. slobbering his dick as I went faster, I look up to see him with his head thrown back and eyes practically in the back of his head from the pleasure. I couldn't help but pleasure myself too. Putting my free hand into my pants as I start moving my fingers in a circle around my clit.  This causes you to moan a bit making it more pleasurable for Chris. “Fuck I’m close but just know when your done I’m moving on to you”. ”you can barely keep a sentence “hush ur mouth and enjoy”. I say breathing extremely heavily and barely being able to form a sentence myself. Without warning a white goop fills my mouth “your cum makes this whole thing 10x more worth it”. You say. Chris starts lifting his head up slightly enough for him to see me still touching myself. “Need a little help there baby??” He says. “What do you think?”. I teased as Chris lifted me by my hips placing me ever so gently on his bed. Not wasting another second, I am abruptly met with Chris’s middle and ring finger moving in me. Trying not to moan loud so Matt and Nick don't hear you two. “C'mon you can moan I don't care if the other two hear us”. I shake my head. This causes Chris to try and test me more by going faster and deeper. barely being able to take it anymore I let out the loudest moan “Fuck, Chris keep going ” A smirk is plastered on his face when u moan this. “Whatever you say". A familiar knotted feeling rises in my stomach. “Chris I’m gonna cum”. “Do it cum on my fingers for me” And so I did. Left breathing heavy I look up to see Chris licking his two fingers when u are finished.  “This is All bc of you sucking a damn lollipop” he jokes out of breath.

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this was my first story so NTM and if you want to leave feedback feel free to do so! ( I had to cut like half of it because my freedom of speech is being limited 😭)

[nights-at-crystarium]

You know what, I assume that people always read my pinned, or notice the pointer "new reader? start here" in every new Fragments' episode. I might be deluding myself. So hi hello lemme TALK ABOUT MY COMIC.

Before I get too rambly (and I mean RAMBLY), here's a quick intro. Fragments is a comic focused on feels and slice of life, made by a queer guy, aiming to ~character study~ the main cast (Vivi, Raha, Alisaie, Feo Ul) and fill in the gaps in canon (or linger in canon moments that needed more air imo), the tone ranging from angst to fluff to meme. Good punches require a good windup, so please don't expect angst anytime soon :3c

The story's segmented (fragmented, heh) into episodes. Episodes 1-11 take place in ARR, you can enjoy them with no worry about spoilers. Episode 12 onward is ShB, with all the spoilers and lorebending.

My storytelling style assumes you haven't only played through ShB, but know it like the back of your hand, i.e. it's for nerds and thinkers. Of course there's plenty of silly moments that don't require any deep knowledge, but the overarching story does. Often I skip canon events, only hinting that they took place, simply because I don't wanna retell the msq 1:1, I've got plenty of original scenes waiting to be drawn. You're in for a treat if you like obsessing over emotional and moral implications of things. And, yes, this's a story about a morally grey mc. Don't expect to be spoon-fed "and this's why that thing's bad, kids".

Currently I've outlined all the main story beats up until post EW, so it's like, not being winged as I go. Yes I refine things here and there, but I know where I'm going. I'm going ham!!!! With the lorebending post ShB. Initially I didn't plan to, but the more I learned about Vivi and personally grew as a writer, the more courage I got to "divorce" from canon. The general xiv story may still be good wherever it's headed, but it's not suited for an established wolgraha, so I'm making food for myself.

Everyone imagines the lil scenes from their wol's life, I'm taking that a tiiiiiny step further. Fragments tells a cohesive story that's looking to be the longest project at least in our corner. I can and will hyperfixate on this for years.

I started out just like many others, being hit with ShB like a truck, I wanted to put a catboy under a microscope and rotate him forever. Although I'd already been drawing for decades, I didn't have the comic-making skills yet, or eloquence to write the dialogue, so I spent the first half of 2022 self-studying, just because I needed a mouth to be able to scream about my ship.

Vivi didn't exist prior to my obsession with Exarch. He was made for this, he started out as a reagent (or a foil, now that I know fancy writing terms) for a rich and fun chemistry, and keep myself entertained for years, first and foremost.

Me, a fool: okay let's make a guy that falls in love with Exarch in this particular moment, what kinda life must he have led to- Me: ....oh no

The chemistry quickly bubbled up and exploded in my face, involving not only Exarch, but other characters (first as a means to subtly tell about Vivi, then they also demanded their own screentime), and here I am, sitting with a massive script on my hands, drawing my blorbos every day. Thanks for enabling that btw.

I care about characters a lot. I ask a lot of whys and hows. I'm critical-minded and burned on many bad stories that did their characters dirty, and I wanna be an opposing example. What I'm doing is extremely ambitious and risky, yes, but I can only invite you to tag along and see if I stick to my word.

The internet's a cruel and unforgiving place nowadays, and here I am, pitting my passion against what feels like decaying humanity. I'm making this comic to keep myself happy above all else, being sincere and cringe because life's too short to be anything else.

Thanks for reading this, and if you haven't yet, read Fragments here!

[nxrdamp]

Miguel O'Hara x Fem! Assistant! Reader | Unmasked

TW: language, no use of y/n, some google translate Spanish because I do not speak Spanish.

Word Count: 2,228

| Your POV |

Miguel O'Hara.

I'd use only one word to describe a man like him.

Arrogant.

Extremely arrogant in fact, so arrogant he hired me. Why is that so arrogant, one might ask, well he's arrogant because his personal hobby is to make my life a living, breathing hell! Why is this? Only his big, arrogant, sadistic mind knows. How is he arrogant? Well...

"I thought I said no cream," Miguel said, his eyebrows furrowing for the 20th time today. It's 8:30 in the morning. He sighed and placed the coffee down on his desk hazardously as if everything doesn't have a price tag with a pretty penny attached to it. Miguel O'Hara, one of the leading scientists at Alchemax, what does he do? I don't really know to be honest, I tried to ask once but that made him even pissier, saying something along the lines of "the fate" of something and "confidential to civilians".

"That's what I ordered sir," I said, picking up the coffee cup that was almost tipped over due to his carelessness. God, can this day really test me anymore? It's only the beginning and I've already had to go back for coffee twice.

"I don't care what happened, make it work. I don't want cream and I don't want decaf, I just want plain, black coffee." Yeah, plain like your soul O'Hara. Whatever, this assistant gig pays extremely well since, shockingly, he can't seem to keep an assistant. I wonder why.

"Right away sir," I say, rolling my eyes as I threw away the second coffee cup. Poor coffee, never had the chance. Poor barista who made it, a waste of time. Ungrateful, O'Hara is, he's so stuck up being rich and all from his dumb job in his big stupid lab that he expects someone to just wipe his ass.

"Ah, you said that last time, look where we are." He tutted, sitting at his desk in his office. You heard me, his office, he has a personal lab and an office. What does this guy even do?!

"You have quite a humor." I sarcastically reply, which made him furrow his brows once more. He started to say something, probably along the lines of "I'm your boss" yada yada, before I shut the door to his office, walking back to the elevator to grab yet another coffee from the poor stand on the ground floor of the Alchemax building. The Alchemax building is huge, probably all designed for O'Hara since everyone just adores him here, but it's right next to this....odd building. It's about the same size as the Alchemax Center, they even own it, hell it's connected to our building, but it's off-limits to everyone. Ha, even O'Hara. I'm glad at least some things don't revolve around him.

"Hi again," I said to the barista while monologuing I arrived at the stand, "I need a plain black coffee, please, just please don't put anything in it."

"Um, okay," She said, with her signature snarky attitude. This barista always gets on my nerves. She always screws up Miguel's simple order multiple times a day. I think she has it out for me, honestly. I watch as she is about to pour cream into the cup, smirking like it's the funniest thing in the world.

"Hey." I said, making her jump a little, "I've been down here three times today, four yesterday, you know that I know that you know how to make a damn plain cup of coffee."

"Fine." She said, handing me the cup," free of charge if you don't tell my manager."

"Free of charge for a month, this happened all of last week too," I said, grabbing the cup from her.

"Ugh okay." She said, embarrassment rising to her cheeks as she sees other people in line watching the spectacle.

I give her a smile. before dropping a ten in the tip jar. What, I just haggled the poor teenager into giving me free coffee for a month, while she was being an asshole and I needed a win, she's still a kid. Well now I feel bad, but I don't think I'm going to feel as bad as I am when I walk through O'Hara's office doors.

"So, you learn how to order a plain coffee yet?" O'Hara snarled, his eyes glaring at me. God, this guy sucks. His reddish eyes are just asking to test him, begging even, he must be so dreadfully bored that he just wants me to stick it to him.

At this point, I'm too mentally exhausted to make a witty comeback and I defeatedly hand him his cup, sighing as I walk away. Honestly, I think this job might be too much. This is a calm day compared to last week, running back and forth for food, because everyone everywhere in this building screws up his order. This...is odd, because instead of doing paperwork, ha, paper, that's funny, thinking the word 'paper' makes me feel old, like I'm from the 2020s or something like that! But regardless, my job requirements when I got the job was mainly to fill out his busy work, but 99% of the time, I'm running his errands!! So weird now that I think about this, but anyways, it doesn't matter, at least I hope it doesn't.

| Miguel's POV |

I watch as my assistant leaves, seeing her defeated look as she walks away from my office to go to what I assume is the break room. Even if it isn't lunch, I don't care, I just need her away. I don't need a damn assistant. It's all for looks so these nosy scientists don't meddle in my business, so it looks like I'm still acting as a geneticist. Honestly, if there was one word I'd use to describe her, it's insufferable. So very insufferable.

I would say she messes up my orders on purpose just to spite me, but I know that isn't true. Why isn't that true? Well

"You're so rude Miguel." LYLA said, popping up beside him, "I know she can't know your real work, but that doesn't require you to pick on her!"

"LYLA, go away," I grunt, furrowing my brows once more, that must be the twenty-fifth time today.

"Well Miguel, you're needed in Spider-Society, Jess needs you to conduct that mission report." She said, tilting her little heart-shaped sunglasses.

"Do it yourself LYLA, I don't have time for this. If I keep leaving this building, those scientists are gonna keep harassing me on 'how do I get extra time off?' when I'm working much harder than they ever will, especially that Dr. Ohnn-"

"Save it for Spider-Therapist." LYLA said, "I'll see you in HQ". She disappeared before Miguel could argue further about excuses on why he shouldn't leave Alchemax today.

"Ugh!" He groans, furrowing his eyebrows yet again, it's really a wonder he hasn't developed wrinkles yet, well, more wrinkles than he already has.

| Your POV |

I walk back to Miguel's office, ready to stick it to him. Frankly, I don't care if he's my boss, he can't keep treating me like this. It's a toxic work environment and I'm this close to reporting him to HR.

As I walk closer and closer to his office, I see him speedily walking down the hallway, so, in a moment of stupidity I follow him. Staying silent as I see him walk further and further away from the department of whatever the hell he does, walking closer to the biology sector, by the spider section. Gross, I'd hate to work with a bunch of spiders all day, they give me the heebie-jeebies.

He keeps walking, past where anyone works, and by the......sky bridge. What the hell? He can't go in there! That building is strictly off limits for everyone, even arrogant bosses.

I watch as he turns the corner, looking around to see if anyone was watching him. I duck behind a potted plant, praying he doesn't see me, and unfortunately, he does.

"Are you going to explain why you're hiding behind a snake plant?" Miguel asks, walking over to peer down at me. He cocks his eyebrow, smirking as if he'd found a cat in an amusing position like those old internet videos from a hundred years ago.

"You gonna explain why you're walking into that creepy, off-limits, building?!" I said, popping up from behind the snake plant, pointing an accusing finger at him.

"That's none of your concern, why are you stalking me?"

"I'm not stalking you, I am observing your behavior for the greater good of Alchemax! That building doesn't belong to you, sir!" I said, crossing my arms. The nerve of this guy, he doesn't own all of Nueva York!

"¡Que maravilla! We have a little security guard here! Go back to your desk or I'm docking your pay." Miguel said, scowling. Actually, I don't think his face even changed into a scowl. I don't it's ever not a scowl.

"Ha, that's funny." I say, crossing my arms," You have no control over that! Alchemax controls my pay, not you douche-bag!"

"Watch it." He threatened before his watch device dinged, must be some top-of-the-line Mango device, he always gets new, expensive gadgets. He got the ePhone 80 the other day, it hasn't even come out yet!

"LYLA, I'm busy." He said, turning his back to me like he has something to hide on that dumb, orange holo-watch of his. It's rather bulky compared to other holo-watches. Strange

"Instead of hiding secrets how about we finish this conversation, Miguel?" I said walking around to get face-to-face with him. "What does that thing even do? It looks way too big just to be a holo-watch."

"None of your concern, go back to your desk." He said, trying to cover his watch device. Before he knew it, the picture of the lady from the holo watch started moving around. Damn, this guy and his state-of-the-art stuff.

"Hey there!" She said, moving around, "Im LYLA, an AI assistant. I handle all of the nitty-gritty files, documents, and about everything else for Miguel and the rest of Sp...Alchemax! LYLA stands for LYrate Lifeform Approximation. Pretty neat huh?"

"What the hell, Miguel!" I said, scowling, I guess I'm becoming like him. Ew, scratch that, never say that again. "You have a whole other assistant thing and you make me run around like a dog fetching your food, and magically everyone always gets it wrong!"

"Well that's because Miguel asks them to get it wrong" LYLA answered, leaving Miguel frozen for a split second.

"I'm gonna kill you, Miguel O'Hara. Why would you purposely ask people to make my orders for you wrong?! Is this some kind of sadistic game you get off to? Huh?!"

"No." He finally replied, turning LYLA off before she could make him look any worse, "It's to keep you busy and out of my files." Okay, maybe he didn't even need LYLA to make him look bad.

"Why?!" I asked, throwing my hands up in the air. Thank god this is by that other building where no one comes because we're causing quite a spectacle here.

"Because you can't know!" He barked, gritting his teeth. His teeth...does he have fangs? I squinted my eyes to get a better look, and yes, he has fangs, which are abnormally larger than just some sharp canines.

"Why can't I know?" I asked, my eyesight flicking from his teeth back up to his reddish...no red eyes. Why are they red? How are they red? What is even happening anymore?

"Because no one like you can know. You're not a part of the few who get to know and you better be glad you aren't. This isn't a little day job where you run around with screwed-up orders, this is life or death."

"Just tell me dammit," I said, "it's probably not even that serious. What is serious is if you don't 'fess up, I'm going to report the screwed-up food, the trespassing, the verbal assault, and many other things my wonderful boss has done to me to HR. Then, you'll be fired and no more sneaking around the mysterious building. Spill."

"You could never begin to understand..!"

"Miguel! What is it! Why can't I view your files? Why can't I do my job? Why are you going into that damn building?!"

Miguel taps a few buttons on his watch, sighing. He has to do this Whether he wants to or not, it isn't up to him anymore. He has to maintain access to that building. It's vitally important. Alchemax knows what that building is and why it's Miguel's. It's the only reason he can't sue them for making this monster. How else would a man on a worker's salary, even a good one, afford an entire skyscraper in Nueva York.

I watch as Miguel's entire body fizzles softly before being coated in something anyone who has ever watched the news knows. Anyone who isn't dead or living under a rock so huge they might as well be considered dead. The two red lines that represent eyes look back at me, halting any movement, even my words cannot stumble out of my mouth. For the first time ever it feels as if I didn't have a thought at all.

"I'm Spider-man."

{ Does anyone want a Part 2? }

Read this on A03 : here

Read this on Wattpad: here

[mysticficti0n]

All my attention Part 6

warnings- swearing, drinking, flirting, dirty talk to the max, Degrading but not in a mean way?

words- 3.3k

If you'd like to read the previous parts → All my attention series

a/n- so if you're new here I am British and cannot speak any German, I speak a little French, Spanish and Italian but German- no. I also do not trust Google translate so this is gonna be like an avatar thing (if you've seen the newest one Jake says that their language just became normal or something along those lines) so in reality this is all in German, you as a reader know German but, its wrote in English... make sense? no... well

(also would you guys want me to do smut for this? I don't have to if you don't want it but... I could write some good pieces for the next few chapters?????)

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backstory- you are the 5th member of Tokio Hotel and you always thought the love was equally platonic between you and a certain guitarist... but what if that all changed?

Everyone arrived by 8:50 and were all seated around a extremely large table, each family sat drinking and laughing over different things, on our side of the table (meaning me, Tom, Gustav, Gustav's grandpa, Georg and Bill) we all chatted about random ideas we had for the next shows

"good evening, could we get you all started on food?" a man around my mothers age smiled pulling a note pad out and a pen

"yes can we have-" Stefan schafer, Gustav's dad began pointing to things on the menu and pointing to the people who wanted it "-perfect thank you" the man nodded collecting all the menus in and the chatter began again, me and Tom sat across from our grandmas who were on about something they'd watched on tv

"I'm bored" Tom whispered in my ear causing me to roll my eyes

"we've been here 20 minuets" he sighed falling back into his chair and his grandma seemed to notice turning to him

"Tom- whats wrong darling?" the boy sat properly again and took a swig of his drink

"nothing just hungry" he spoke watching the old women tilt her head "...I'm bored" Catrina nodded looking to me

"you have Y/n/n for company, she's a lot of fun aren't you?" I nodded my head looking to the boy who just laughed "oh actually me and Josie were just saying- we watched your interview! with that hunky man Karter, you two looked delightful, well all of you did" she grinned rubbing my hand over the table

"yeah.." Tom trailed getting comfy again, reaching arm the back of my seat and playing with the ends of my hair "we wont be going back to him in a rush"

"why not?" my gran asked "he's a handsome man"

"nothing to worry about Nanna" I spoke smiling to her, she can become a very angry women if she found out someone did anything bad to us, she'd personally hunt them down if she could.

Time passed slowly but the smell of food only made us hungrier, Toms hand had moved from my hair to my shoulder drawing a circle over and over

"and here we are-" the same waiter came over with two others holding trays of food, there was 21 of us.. we all sat straight and the small laughter of my sister caused us all to laugh, I had the pesto tortellini with Parmesan, and many also copied me

"thank you" we all said starting our meal, I dug my fork in and bought the steamy pasta to my mouth "oh wow thats amazing" I hummed putting more onto the fork, Tom looked over then to the bowl and back to me "you chose to have the chicken Schnitzel, I said about this"

"oh please!" he moaned "one bite- you can have some chips" he quickly stabbed his fork into the fries and brought them to me "come on"

"fine" I gave into his ways and took the chips and past him my fork with the pasta on the end, he hummed a quick thank you and smiled tasting the food "good right?" Tom nodded swallowing the pasta, I turned back to eating and listening to the different conversations around the table

"you know I was thinking about something" Bill began looking down to us on the table "a tv show, like filming while in rehearsals and we could go round during tours and trying things... Felix said about it" The idea of being filmed 24/7 didn't sound fantastic, I enjoy my privacy but.. if that means we get to do fun stuff..

"who'd wanna watch us though, outside of music were just boring" Gustav added "you could do a documentary about every girl Toms fucked" Gustav's mom slammed his hand making us all laugh

"at least they'd say they came unlike the girls you've done" Tom hit back making the drummer huff "but I like the idea-" Georg nodded as well but I still sat undecided

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(okay I cba to write about the restaurant but lets say, lovely meal hugs kisses etc)

"Oh why don't we go to that bar" Simone pointed out, the bars name was naughty lad and music was booming through the walls, the boys seemed intrigued looking through the steamed windows

"I think we'll head back with the grandparents, Stella is nearly asleep so could you bring Y/n back?" my mom asked passing my sister to my dad

"sure, we'll keep her safe don't worry" David, Georg's dad spoke wrapping an arm around me "you get home and relax" with a quick hug my parents got into the car and drove away leaving me with the boys and their parents which wasn't unusual, having a younger sister makes life harder to always enjoy. Together we all walked into the bar and 'hot in here' by Nelly was blasting through the speakers

"drinks?" Bill asked pulling his wallet out "Guessing a vodka coke for you?" I laughed seeing Bill roll his eyes "you need to try more- I'm getting you something else"

"Get me whatever she has!" Tom shouted to his brother who nodded walking to the rest of the group who found themselves sat at a booth "wanna smoke quickly?" I agreed feeling his hand wrap around my wrist and pull me back out the door, he went into his pocket pulling his cigarets out and handing me one with his lighter

"thank you" I chirped lighting the end and then his "I can't get over you tonight" I spoke catching myself at the end

"its alright babe, you can take it off me later" his voice turned suggestive and a smirk plastered his face "aww turning red aren't you?" his free hand cupped my jaw and I felt my knees go weak at his touch- what was he doing

"shut up-" I groaned pushing him away jokingly "I was trying to be nice and say you look good" Toms face softened and nodded along to my words

"I know, but I just love making you all red for me" he cooed putting a hand on my waist "it makes you even more beautiful" Tom leaned in, my heart started pounding in my chest, is this what he meant by being 'worse' I knew I wanted to kiss him again as he closed the distance between us, our lips just inches apart, he hesitated. With a sly grin, he pulled back, leaving the me confused "don't want to be caught do we?" I narrowed my eyes seeing him chuckle "aw did you want me to kiss you Y/n?"

"its okay, I'll find someone in there who will" his face dropped and his grip on my only tightened "maybe I'll bring them home with us?"

"mhm... I don't think so-" The boy was cut by the long haired bassist peaking his head around the door "what?"

"drinks are here" he pulled the door open wider and the two let me in first, I pushed past people dancing along to the music and trying not to get any type of liquid on my dress, finally the booth came into view and Bill sat smiling reaching for my hand I took it and he pulled me next to him

"okay drink this first then I'll tell you what it is" he shouted over the music, I turned to the drink and saw it was a radioactive green with a yellow hue, I picked up the champagne coup and brought it to my lips taking a sip

"Ugh What the fuck is that!" I called nearly heaving at the taste of something like black liquorish

"Death In The Afternoon! I thought you'd like it!" a smile creeped onto his face as he took the glass and finished it "let me get you another one!" The boy pleaded

"come on Y/n don't be boring!" Gustav laughed swigging his arm around me

"fine but I don't want that shit ever again" soon I watched the tallest twin wonder to the bar and point to something on the menu clapping his hands as the bar man turned away "oh- whats that?" I asked seeing the black haired boy smirking holding a small glass fully yellow but with some red falling into the glass, speaking of the glass it had a slice of lemon and mint dotted on top

"this is a Mai Tai" Bill said handing me the drink and watched me as I sipped at the liquid, I hummed at the taste of Malibu and orange running down my throat

"wow this is good" I drank more seeing the singer do a small dance knowing he'd defeated my 'vodka coke' love

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I sat in the booth wedged between Simone and Bill who were laughing about something stupid and I was on my 5th mai tai giggling when something funny was mentioned, I wasn't drunk but I was tipsy, I saw Simone leave the conversation and look to the dance floor "OH MY GOD!" She got up running to the floor pulling me along with her

"SIMO-" I began but then I herd it 'don't stop the music' by Rihanna start to play, ever since the song came out earlier in the year me and her loved it, we danced around with large smiles painted across our faces "I wanna take you away Let's escape into the music DJ, let it play I just can't refuse it" Simone grabbed my hand spinning me around while still belting out the lyrics "Please don't stop the music!" we finished laughing loudly and sweat running down our foreheads I looked to the booth to see them all clapping at our stupidness we took a bow and Simone went to sit down next to her boyfriend who she wrapped her arms around and kissed making her sons cringe and I decided id go sit next to Tom- we'd barley spoke since we had that smoke out side, he was sat holding a glass of clear liquid and rolling his eyes over at his brother

"hey!" I called sliding myself next to him in the booth

"hi- you okay?" I nodded my head grabbing my drink of the table and In a quick swig finishing It off "you might wanna slow down on them" the boy laughed pulling my empty glass from me but I couldn't understand a word as the music got louder around me

"what? I didn't hear you!" he rolled his eyes but quickly moved closer, the arm around my shoulder moved to hold my bare thigh as he leaned into my ear

"I said, you might wanna slow down on the mai tai" his fingers tapped on my skin causing a odd sensation I'd never felt before shiver up my body, they danced on my leg edging to go just slightly under my skirt but he stopped everytime

"oh-oh yeah... well wanna go to the bar and help me chose something different?" Tom nodded and the two of us stood back up, he grabbed my hand, closing his fingers tightly around mine and pulled me through the crowd, yanking me when I stopped, as we got to the bar he pulled me a bar stool out making me sit in front of him while he stood close behind, his stomach on my back and his one hand on my waist

"you like the fruitier cocktails right?" I nodded my head looking at the menu and something caught my eye- The Blue Hawaii, rum, vodka Blue curacao, pineapple juice and Lemon juice

"I think I want the blue Hawaii!" I looked back to the dreaded boy who nodded his head pulling his wallet out "no Tom, let me pay!" I hurried into my purse to grab the €10 I needed

"Y/n fuck off, I'm buying me and drink and you one- put the money away" he huffed grabbing my money and shoving it back into the bag "let me treat you babe" my heart ached at the words and so I let him do what he wanted and I just leaned back on him and waited to be served. The bartender finally turned to us and grabbed a bottle of something "erm can we have a blue Hawaii and a vodka cranberry, thanks" Tom handed the money over me, his chest pressing on me and his other hand back on my thighs for support

"be 5 mins" the man behind the counter said before walking off to the other side of the bar

"I need a piss, stay here don't move alright?" Tom commanded, quickly patting my head like I was some kind of dog and running to the bathroom, I sat kicking my legs watching others conversations and giggling to who ever they're with

"hey.. anyone sitting here?" I turned to a voice I'd never herd before and saw a man stood there holding a empty glass

"no! you can sit don't worry" a small laugh left him and he perched onto the chair and I finally got to see his face, He's very good looking, I couldn't help but admire his features. something about him that made him stand out from the rest, his black hair and brown eyes. His hair is perfectly styled in little waves along his head, and it shines in the light. I found myself staring to his smile. It's warm and inviting, i can't help but smile back. It's infectious.

"thanks, I'm Brandon- thought I'd introduce myself so I'm not creepy" I laugh at him as I turn to speak to him better

"oh I'm Y/n, my seat will be free soon once me and my mate have our drinks" I spoke still just admiring him, it might've been the alcohol but he was gorgeous

"shame, I'm enjoying this- little old me speaking to a beautiful girl.. I say old- I'm not I'm 19, you?"" I blushed to his words

"oh 17 but I get mixed up with being either 23 or 13 most days" he chuckled at my comment

"where you from anyways?"

"Leipzig, you?" he nodded his head

"Dresden" we kept speaking till mine and Tom's drinks arrived and I quickly grabbed them "so who are you here with?"

"just my friends and some family- celebrating coming home- actually my friend should be here soon" I looked back and I saw Tom staring at me with a scowl across his face "oh erm, he's over there so I might see you later?" I smiled grabbing the drinks off the table

"yeah sure, maybe I can get your number and we could go out for drinks?" he sounded so sweet and eyes bright with hope, but I knew I had to be careful giving my number out for security reasons and also I think Tom would kill me

"maybe yeah!" I laughed it off as I walked over to he boy who looked through me to Brandon, crossing his arms "how long were you stood watching me?" I asked passing him his drink

"long enough" his seriousness scared me, what was his issue "he really liked you didn't he? eyes wondered you like a fucking map" he spat gulping his drink basically in one

"Tom I think you're being a bit dramatic, he didn't even flirt with me" it was a partial lie as he did ask for my number...

"still-" I saw the guitarist sulk a little sipping the last of his drink and staring into the distance and that when I realised it

"are... are you jealous?" his eyes shot up to me but he didn't fight my words, and I wanted to keep pushing him "come on, you can tell me" I fluttered my eyelashes at the boy who just looked away, without thinking my hand reached for his jaw and brought his gaze back to me, I was shocked with myself but I couldn't lose my control now "look at me when I'm talking to you" I spoke closer to him in a low whisper, his eyes seemed deeper and narrower, I was doing it "you don't like it when I speak to other guys hm? don't like them looking at me, thinking of me...touching me" I let the last words roll of my tongue and I could see behind his stare he was getting angrier "talk to me pretty boy"

My hand was swatted from his face as Tom pulled me by my wrist back into the cubicles, each small individual rooms with a crappy dim light glaring into the room, hurriedly we went to the first unlocked block and slammed the door closed and he locked it with a click, my back pressed against the cold tile wall and Tom stood over me I close my eyes as his lips press against mine. His hands moved around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I could feel the heat radiating off of his body as he wrapped his arms around me. His lips soft and perfect, his breath warm on my skin. I can feel my heart racing as we move together, our bodies intertwined. His hands move higher, caressing my back as we kiss. I can feel my skin tingling with anticipation as I move my hands up his chest, exploring his body. I can feel the electricity between us, the passion rising.

"You- you are a little cunt sometimes" I feel him smile into my cheek pressing kisses into my skin "but.. fuck we both know you'd never want them...as much as you want me" I hold my breath at the feeling of him humming into my ear, my arms tangle around his neck pulling him back to my lips "god you are so desperate for me" I pull back slightly opening my eyes and seeing a smirk plastering his face

"who's the one that dragged me into here?" he tilted his head in agreement but I could wait any longer, our lips smashed back together and our bodies collided once again, hungrily I moved down to his jaw peppering the line with kisses and edged down to his neck, my lips danced around until I reached just below his ear and his grip on me tightened and a noise threatened to escape his throat, I dove back into the spot sucking and pecking at it, hearing him struggle and try pry me off

"fuck Y/n- please" he begged "shit... I-I" his stuttering made my heart swell and I pulled away to see small beads of sweat forming, I looked to his eyes and they were full of glazed tears of lust

"aw- I'm sorry, didn't you like it?" I played with a strand of his hair as he shook his head no

"I fucking loved it" his lips landed back on me as he groaned into the kiss, I smiled feeling his hands go under my thighs and lift me onto his hips, my dress pushing up revealing the red panties I put on earlier "shit you are so hot" the boy whined kissing my chest, nibbling lightly at the skin

"ah- Tom" His eyes caught mine again and smile only spread further, my hands grabbed his shoulders pushing myself up and he only toyed with me more, licking my skin that was sore from being between his teeth and small noises seeped from my mouth only pushing him further "shit... Fuck Tommy- I..." his nickname came out so naturally but in the sluttiest moan I'd ever done

" God Y/n, I don't what the first place we fuck to be in a bathroom baby, so keep that pretty little mouth quiet because you're making it so hard to keep that from happening" my heart nearly exploded out my chest, I went like putty, foreheads knocking together at his words, Tom caught my lips In one last sweet kiss and put me back onto the floor "so beautiful-" Tom whispered into my ear one last time before pulling away still holding my waist

"only for you" I smiled kissing him once more again before we stood there holding each other panting and puffy lipped

[athelyna-silverspell]

Opinions No One Asked For™️: Palia NPC Edition

Auni: I love this kid. I want him to think of me as a cool older sister or cool aunt. I bring him bugs every chance I get

Ashura: I want him to be my dad. Genuinely love him. Serious contender to be my Shepp

Badruu: He really turned the puns up to 11. I love him. Also want him to be my dad. And possibly my Shepp

Caleri: I wasn't too sure about her, but after getting to know her, I feel like we have quite a few similarities. Definitely want to be her friend. Could she be my Shepp? 👀

Chayne: I find him so calming. He also feels dad-like to me. 100% want him as a support figure/father figure regardless of who I choose as my Shepp

Delaila: Love talking to her. Really want to get to know her better at this point (but 100% want her to win all the prizes at farmers markets/festivals)

Einar: Absolutely adorable and I love him. Only platonically tho. I will give him as many Gils and shiny rocks as he wants

Elouisa: I wasn't sure at first, but I LOVE her unhinged theories. I want to be her best friend. I will investigate all the paranormal things with her. Contender for my Shepp. Girl let's go ghost hunting

Eshe: So snobby. So bougie. So bitchy. I wish she could be my Shepp 😫 (if only because it would be entertaining)

Hassian: First impressions? What an asshole. After some time, I am...intrigued. I want to figure him out. I want to know why he is the way he is. Also fucking love Tau, the gooodest boi

Hekla: Honestly... she freaked me out a little for a long time. I'm slowly coming around though

Hodari: Listen, I get it. I see where you all are coming from. But man's just not my type 🤷🏻‍♀️

Jel: Oh Jel, my beloved. I'm not exactly subtle about it. This man is my husband. Sad, skinny, pathetic, dramatic, goth guys are My Type™️. Would marry him like, yesterday 🥀😫🪡🖤😍

Jina: At first I wasn't sure, but the more I talk to her, I'm like, "Jina, my bestie." I'm a PhD student. I feel you. Also, WOMEN IN STEM, HELL YEAH!!!! I have a feeling we're gonna be great friends

Kenji: Not a fan of your extremely privileged life ("Have you tried inheriting property?" 😐😐😐) or the invasive chapaa situation... but I also don't dislike him as much as I thought. I feel like he's playing a role he doesn't really want to, but still enjoying/expecting the high life for little to no effort

Kenyatta: She should be my best friend. I was put off at first, but she is the coolest. I see quite a few aspects of myself in her

Nai'O: I feel like he's the sweetest boi ever. I'm both like, "He deserves better than Kenyatta" and "Kenyatta is good for him." Perhaps the most wholesome NPC

Najuma: I also want to be the cool older sister and/or cool aunt that she never had. This kid is a badass and smart as hell. I wish my friendship with her was better already

Reth: This man. I love him. I'm not sure if it's platonic or romantic yet. All I know is he's one of my favourite NPCs to talk to. He's funny, he's flirty, he's got a Tragic Backstory™️. I'm here for this soup boi whether he wants it or not

Sifuu: Two words: Bad. Ass. It's a crime that we can't romance her. I really want to ask her to be my Shepp, but I'm not sure it's a good fit

Tamala: I'm sorry, Tamala besties, but I just don't like her 😭 I really wanted to like her so bad, but her aggressive flirting paired with her unwillingness to consider me a friend/equal just rubs me the wrong way

Tish: Absolutely beautiful person. I want to be her bffl. That is all

Zeki: Crime Cat, my beloved. He is the most entertaining Shepp option (imo). He's got an eye patch, a gold tooth, and shady practices. I find him amusing. I want him to like me. Share his (dubiously acquired) riches with me. Please accept me into the black market. I won't tell, but I can't promise I'll participate (I probably will 👀)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for treating my grandmother rudely

i am a female, 16 years old.

long history of events but here's the gist-

loves me a lot (i know she does, it is very apparent).

2. i meet her extremely rarely.

3. when i was 9, i had gained quite a bit of weight and she constantly and sharply  commented on it, to the point i gradually developed severe ed and body dysmorphia over the ages 10-16 (i had reached a 'normal' weight at the age of 11, but both of the issues still persisted and worsened over time)

4. by 14 i was quite underweight, still had ed and body dysmorphia, still am suffering from both (she was the instigator but not the reason they persisted)

now heres the thing the last time i had met her before this year was when i was 10, so when she saw me, she instantly started fussing about my weight, and it was not out of health concerns but mainly comments like 'you look so weak, who will marry you' etc etc.

moreover she has been staying over for 4 months now and constantly force feeds me oily and processed meals in order to make me gain weight. she uses phrases like 'you dont even like your grandmother now. i am going to die soon, you should listen to me' etc. so i give in to her but this has triggered my ed extremely bad (i was recovering). 

apart from that she regularly talks about how my parents should 'marry me off to any guy they like as long as the babies i will have are healthy'.

i have been sexually harrased since i was 11, by peers and older guys, which has made me averse to the idea of everything me being involved in anything romantic and sexual.

i am also been stressed because of multiple university entrance exams this year, so her constant nagging just heightens it.

my parents become visibly uncomfortable when the marriage stuff comes up but they dont stop her at all because she is older.

body shaming is very normal in my country espl when it is coming from elders. and so are arranged marriages.

this started from the day she put her foot in our house, and because i dont want to snap at her, i stay in my room and give her very curt responses when talked to, admittedly my tone is sharp but not my words.

i have snapped at her twice, did not say anything hurtful though (just asked her to stop), but my voice was very loud.

i constantly ignore her, and my actions very easily give away how much i dislike her even though my words dont.

i feel so disgusted with myself because i know she is coming from a place of concern and she truly does care about me. and she probably too was subjected to all of this. and i know i am going to regret my actions down the lane and i am terrified it would be too late. she genuinely doesnt realise she is wrong and i don't blame her.

also i was always very kind and respectful to her whenever she used to call but i have no clue what changed when i saw her in person. just looking at her makes my blood boil.

aita and if any of you have any tips on how i can get my anger under control, please send some my way.

What are these acronyms?

[ravenromanova]

Is It Really You? Pt. 2

Pairings: Other universe Wanda x Female reader

Warnings? none

Summary: y/n goes to her house in the other universe only to be met with her wife and kids? how did this happen? is she dreaming? 

part 1

your pov:

"(y/n)? is it really you?" Wanda says coming up to me and she puts her hand on my cheek and i take a step back

" Mom?" i turn and look at Billy and Tommy as their eyes fill with tears

" How are you here?" Wanda asks me confused and i give her the same look of confusion.

" What do you mean how am i here? how are you here? how did you get here? you were fighting strange when i got sucked into the blue light. ho-how are the boys here? where the hell are we Wanda?" I ask ask my heartbeat quickens and i can feel the start of a panic attack coming on. how are the boys here? This makes no sense.

" (y/n) come sit down please and i can try to explain as best as possible... i had a feeling this would happen." Wanda speaks softly as she grabs my hand and leads me over to the couch where the boys are sitting. When i sit down both the boys jump on top of me hugging me as tight as the possibly could.

" We never thought we would see you again mama. please don't leave us again. we missed you so much." Billy says taking my face into both of his small hands his eyes red from the tears running down his face.

"I-i wont leave you again baby i promise. but i don't even know where i am or how i got here. the last thing i remember was you coming in and trying to take the girl-" I slowly stopped my sentence when i saw the look in Wandas eyes... She looked almost ashamed at what i was saying.

" Let me try and explain what happened." She takes my hands in hers and looks in my eyes almost sorrowful but i can see a little glimmer of happiness in her eyes. She puts her hands on my temples and closes her eyes and suddenly i can see everything thats happened. My Wanda hurting countless amounts of people. She was causing absolute chaos. Then just when i think its over i see my Wanda come through a red portal as billy and tommy run away and hide from the woman that just burst into their home. Suddenly the other Wanda comes up to mine after being thrown around. My Wanda is on her knees crying when the other Wanda puts her hand on her cheek and says softly

" Know that they'll be loved." After she says that my Wanda disappears into thin air. And the other Wanda runs to the boys.

Wanda takes her hands off my temples and i stare at her in disbelief. I take a few moments before i finally find the words to say.

" So- so you aren't gonna hurt me?" I ask and my voice betrays me by cracking as i try and speak

" No darling i could never hurt you. i love you too much to ever put you in harms way." Wanda says softly and i look into her eyes to see if she's lying. I search and search into her eyes trying to really see if i can trust her. But as i'm looking into them i see the soul of the woman i fell in love with. I can see the softness in her eyes, its the way she looked at me on our wedding day. It's the look she had in her eyes the first time we said "i love you". I can see in her eyes she means me no harm. I think back to what they all said walked in. What did they mean when they said they never thought they'd see me again?

" When i walked in you all looked they you've seen a ghost and said you thought you'd never see me again.. what did you mean?" I asked extremely confused

" The (y/n) in this universe died.. 3 years ago in a bad car crash." Wanda say tearfully.

" You were in the icu for 2 months before the doctors finally said there wasn't any hope for recovery. you suffered a really bad brain injury that lead to extreme brain swelling that they couldn't get to go down at all, along with a broken spinal cord, 6 cracked ribs, and a broken arm and leg. i tried to keep you alive as long as possible but the doctors said i was just gonna end up doing you more harm then good because you had no quality of life left. it was the hardest thing iv'e ever had to do." She croaks out before she starts full on sobbing. I get off the couch and sit in front of her on my knees. I put my finger underneath her chin and have her eyes meet mine. I take a moment to take in all her beauty. I know i don't know this Wanda but i want to. Clearly she means no harm to anyone or else billy and tommy wouldn't be here.

" i'm here now my love. i know i'm a different (y/n) and i know its not the same but i'm here now and i promise i wont ever leave you or the boys again. it might just take me a little to adjust from everything thats happened with my universes Wanda. i know you mean no harm but after what just happened i just need a little time." I spoke truthfully. don't get me wrong i trust this Wanda for some reason but i need to make sure the Scarlett witch wont influence this Wanda like she did mine.

" (y/n) ill do anything on my power to show you how much i love you. but i understand where you are coming from. i understand seeing me like that wether it was this me or the other me you still saw the woman you love try and hurt you along with thousands of other people to get what she wants. no one should go through such a thing my darling (y/n)" Her sokovian accent came off really thick on the last sentence and i smile lightly at her words.

" I love you (y/n) no matter what universe you're from and i'll prove it to you til the end of time." She says kissing my forehead and i smile at her touch... gods i've missed this.

" Come on boys its bed time let's go get ready." She says after a few minutes go by and the boys give me a quick hug and kiss before heading upstairs.

" Goodnight mama" They say as they run to go get ready for bed

" Goodnight my loves. i'll see you in the morning i promise." I say blowing them both a kiss. Maybe i can get used to this universe. I have everything i've ever wanted within my reach. My wife and my children. What more can a girl ask for.

i do not give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on another site

series masterlist

masterlist

[primofate]

Hey Primo! This is only my opinion so please don't take it to heart. I remember reading your post about how bad the interaction (at the time) was with one of your posts. I felt a bit odd about it considering it was only 1 day apart and notes etc normally pick up over the span of a few days/weeks. I think that when writers reach to a point where they crave to hear what others think of their work, is when writing no longer becomes a fun pastime if that is what it originally intended to be. There was also someone that made a comment stating that alot of writers can't take criticism though they ask for it which is completely true. It's a constant back n' forth where at the end of the day we'll never truly be able to satisfy everyone. You'll just drive yourself mad (case in point, you're someone that normally gets thousands of notes but this time merely 1 day of little interaction seemed to have gotten to you which is extremely unhealthy.)

You're an amazing writer and overall genuine person. Don't let things like this eat away at you.

I quote from your post

You'll just drive yourself mad (case in point, you're someone that normally gets thousands of notes but this time merely 1 day of little interaction seemed to have gotten to you which is extremely unhealthy.)

Which is extremely true and it is very unhealthy that I expected so much out of that post when in truth I should know that not all of my posts is going to have thousands of notes. Some will reach further some will not, and that's something I should understand and accept.

Though I do agree with you that posts pick up over a couple of days... sometimes, for me who has a few thousand followers, if it doesn't pick up the first few hours and doesn't get reblogged the first few hours, it actually won't pick up anymore. At the moment it has 2,000 or so notes, unless someone revives it, it will actually remain stagnant and will even have difficulty climbing to 3,000. (This is the reason why you see some authors reblog their own post and caption it "in case you missed it #icymi "because it actually won't move anymore if they don't do that)

But here's the thing, the notes is not what really got to me. Yes that was part of it, but what really bugged me is that I spent so much time on that one post and I realized that I shouldn't have. Realizing that my TIME is now more precious than it was a year ago. Which ties in to what you said about it being unhealthy. Tumblr is not something I should spend my time on, to be quite frank. I love doing this, but I hate so much that I forgo something when I do it (e.g. Time with my family).

Thus my 10 minute quick writes was born, after realizing this fact. In that way I don't spend so much time in front of the computer, mulling over my writing, re-reading it, wondering how I can make the words flow better. Wondering how to make the words and story clearer in my mind and everyone else's. With the 10 minute quick writes, I don't really give a freak who read it, who interacts with it, who likes it...because it only took 10 minutes of my life (I actually put a 10 minute timer on whenever I feel like writing now) and some day when I have more time, then maybe I can write something longer but honestly, right now, I would rather not.

Thank you so much for your message! It has cemented me back to Earth, cause even with my 10 minute quick write I had felt guilty that I only wrote such a short thing...but reading your message has told me there's nothing to feel guilty about, specially when I MYSELF am already happy with doing 10 minutes of writing, regardless of what tumblr thinks.

<3

With love,

primofate

[azuresins]

hey I'm not trying to get you hate but question about the poison theory... I could believe an older child could do that but why would you think a 5-year-old would? That's the part I think most people just can't get passed

I've answered this before, several times, and I'm not sure how many times this needs to be said, before people realize it's not something I'm arbitrarily making up... it's not "I believe this might happen in fiction" -- I suspected it because there have been well-documented cases of living, breathing 5-year-olds who have done this exact same thing, before. In fact, ones who have done much worse! And it was not an abuse case.

But I realized, very, very quickly, that while some people genuinely wanted to have a discussion, there were a number of people who were asking me about this, (or about asthma in general) in really bad faith? To find fault with me and put words into my mouth, paint me as someone who just hates children for no-reason or doesn't know anything about asthma. Read all of this carefully, please.

The sources and documented evidence out there, of 5-year-olds (and younger) who have killed or harmed animals, infants, are real people... and these deaths and injuries, as a result of these children and what happened to their families, are often extremely sensitive in nature. I can't justify continuing to send links of this type of evidence to people, who dislike my theory, to these studies and documentaries (the amount of content warning labels I'd have to provide, alone...) to... what...? Gawk at? Just to prove that it happens?

Should I have to explain to strangers or irritated people who have a reason not to like me, for what I think about a fictional story or character, that I actually have asthma and that I know the difference between types (most people don't know there's different types to begin with) and why none of this is adding up to me? Probably not. I know that this topic is sensitive in nature but suddenly, a lot of people were making judgments about my character and wanted to know details about my personal life. Why is that okay? If I ever came off overly defensive about this in the past, I apologize, that was why.

Back to the subject... Five-year-olds who are capable of getting into things they aren't supposed to, and playing with ""medicine."" Is that a rare occurrence? No. Five-year-olds capable of playing with ""medicine"", knowing the outcome might be harmful...and doing it anyway? Actually a lot more likely, than you think it is. Is it rare? Absolutely, but sadly... but not so rare that it's not well-documented and studied. The evidence is out there, and if people want to find it, they can do so. You don't have to take my word for it. And people can believe, what they want to believe. If they look at all of the behavior shown of RealCiel, and just shrug and say he surely can't be one of those kids. Fine. However...

- I'm suspicious, when a ten-year-old hides the ability he can regurgitate at-will, and likely had to practice this ability to perfection. He could have died, he could have choked, right then and there and just didn't. Am I supposed to believe this is the first time he's done something like that? He did it with such confidence, when he swallowed that huge ring. He knew he could keep it safe, and get it back in what I assume was a much more dignified way. That ring wasn't so much as tarnished, by his stomach acid. Why did he think he'd need this ability? Is it a watchdog secret? Or is it something he figured out on his own, and taught himself? I'm also suspicious, of the circumstances surrounding "that day" and the way real Ciel behaved, up until the moment he left the bedroom. - I'm suspicious that Tanaka was the only person spared and survived the fire, and that this master butler, a man who can stop a bullet with a sword, did nothing and seemed completely panicked... his last words before injury were "Don't come closer, Master Ciel is--!" Master Ciel is what? - I also find it an odd choice, that he trips/falls twice but both times, where moments where his brother was supposed to receive attention and he refocused it back on himself. Once during a fencing lesson when O!Ciel tried to talk to Lizzie, and once more when R!Ciel brought him flowers from the outing, he tripped and they were scattered everywhere. - I find it an odd choice, that O!Ciel was concerned with making everyone on the estate happy and worried about solving all of their problems and was considering the burdens of caring for so many people... while real Ciel compared them to livestock... like currency, and worried if they didn't keep things running right, they'd leave. A remark that wasn't unnoticed, by their father. - I'm actually not-at-all startled by how hard, R!Ciel took being told that his brother was going to leave him, someday. How hard he protested and how emotional he got, I think that part is fairly normal... but I am suspicious, of how immediate and quickly he recovered. The moment he realized, "Oh. ... I don't have a choice." Shouldn't he have cried harder? But he smiled, immediately and his tears dried up on a dime. Maybe a child in his position would have tried to run away... but with a sick brother, how could he? I don't think he just accepted it happily, I don't take that reaction at face value. I think he wanted his circumstances to be very different and someone, saw this and took advantage of him and manipulated him all the way to the events that lead to "that day." - And last but certainly not least... I'm extremely suspicious of the way Sebastian-the-borzoi reacts to Our!Ciel, especially the nose-prodding and constant barking at him, and only him. It looks a lot like a service dog alerting. They bark, they prod. They do not give up. He knew something was wrong, and if nothing else... I trust and have faith in that dog. It's not any one thing Real Ciel did, it's...everything we were shown of their childhood, combined. Could there be another party at play, here? Of course, I think it's obvious this child couldn't have acted alone. Someone with ill intentions... used him.

I don't blame him, for what happened "that day", I don't think he's 'evil' and I'm not 'out to get him' or whatever it is people think. ...

It's something that not a lot of people LIKE to think about, I'm sure, what children are capable of. But not every child who does that, is abused, and it's NOT always the cause of these behaviors. To say so? Is not only incorrect, but... it's really a slap to the face to the parents and caregivers of some of these children. I read about one case of a child who tried to kill his siblings on multiple occasions and blamed other grown adults for years, before he was caught. They found needles, knives, candy, and his mothers meds under the carpet padding in his closet. He would go to school and manipulate teachers and tell them things like, "Mommy didn't pack me a lunch today!" When she actually did, he was throwing his food, in the trash. He was not abused at home or in school, or treated any differently than his other siblings, who did not display any of this behavior.

Some people are simply born "different" and children do very strange things for attention and their ideas of love and affection, there's... a lot of people in this world, that dedicate their entire lives, to trying to help these children and understand why this occurs. To the best of my knowledge, when this occurs and abuse is not present or a cause, it's thought of as something that is neurological, with possible genetic factors at play.

While a lot of them are caught, early on (with symptoms often manifesting beyond a shadow of a doubt, around age 5... the most extreme case I've become aware of, showed alarming and severe signs at age 3 ) ... some children, learn to mask and learn how to avoid getting into trouble, and to make sure they're the most popular and well-loved person in the room. They mask so well, that this never gets properly diagnosed well into adulthood. The adults often lead quite successful lives, and don't usually seek help... because they don't feel like they need help. Why would they, unless they're forced to? For what reason? They say that psychopaths make up 1% (1 in 100 people) of the population. Yet, 20% of the most successful businessmen in CEO positions (1 in 5), are psychopaths. That all being said, this is a theory about a fictional character ...and I don't condone people using it, to hurt someone or to manipulate whether they agree or they don't. People are allowed to interpret Real Ciel differently, than I do. You're allowed to like him and think I'm incorrect. You're allowed to like him, even if I AM correct.

[sunflowersandsapphires]

Fall Drabbles, Day 1

prompt: Spiders

pairing: Frank Castle x fem!reader 

summary: Frank is not a fan of spiders.

warnings: swearing, sickly sweet fluff, descriptions of bugs (most bugs do not bother me so I don't think its super graphic but I could see people with fears/issues w spiders being grossed out so I'll warn you. Please let me know if its too much!)

a/n: I was in a really bad slump this week where I had the energy and time to write but none of my serieses (is that the right plural lol) were sparking joy. So I started writing some little pieces for Matty and Frank and I'm very excited to share them!

w/c: <1k words

Manhattan contained a variety of urban pests that Frank never had a problem with. Squishing roaches and chasing off rats came naturally after a lifetime in the city, and Frank never batted an eye. Flies, leeches, mosquitoes, Frank didn't have a problem with any of the traditionally abhorred creatures--except for one. Spiders.  

Frank blamed his extensive time overseas for his…intense dislike of spiders. He didn’t particularly like them before Afghanistan, but regularly seeing arachnids that are half a foot long or venomous enough to put a linebacker in the ER? It’ll put them on your shit list real quick. 

So yah, Frank was not a fan of spiders. But he didn’t readily volunteer this information after realizing that most of the population—his compassionate girlfriend included—found it amusing when hulking, grown-ass men had issues with bugs. The first time he’d seen a spider at your apartment, the thing had chased him on top of the coffee table as he let out a string of curses—a scenario that had humored you to the point of tears. 

“It’s just a wolf spider, Frankie. It’s not gonna hurt ya.” You’d giggled, scooping the damn thing into a cup and letting it out a window. Serves him right for having a soft spot for kind women, he ended up with a godforsaken spider saver. 

Thankfully, you had enough love for your boyfriend that you tended to rescue said eight-legged things before he ever spotted them. (Though, now that he thought about it, that could be for their benefit rather than his.) Regardless, it meant that his distrust of spiders went pretty much unnoticed…until fall rolled around.

New York was palatable in most seasons, and Frank was more than used to extreme temperatures, which meant the weather wasn't the reason he hated autumn so much. It was the goddamn bugs. Every year, without fail, those spindly hellspawn would take shelter in his apartment the moment the climate shifted. This year was no different, with Frank having to chuck his boots and random household objects at the creatures as they scuttled across his floor in an effort to stop them from laying eggs in his walls. If he didn't know better, he'd think they were taunting him. Maybe he should start mounting their heads on toothpicks along his front door.

Grumpily plotting their annihilation, he drained the rest of his shitty coffee before shoving his mug across the dark wooden table. His aversion to spiders wasn't so great that it regularly added to his insomnia, but waking up to a spider crawling over his pillow had been enough to force him out of bed for the night. 

Pushing his aching body away from the dining room table, he shuffled blearily to the couch, crumbling into a horizontal position and turning on the tv. The mindless cable channel allowed his mind to enter a state of hibernation, laying there like a corpse as dawn came and went. A sudden knock jolted him out of his daze. 

“Frankie?” Letting yourself into his tidy apartment, you tutted in sympathy when you saw him slumped on the couch. ”Here, I brought coffee.“

”'re we doin' somethin' today?“ Frank rasped, gratefully accepting the offered paper cup and taking a swig. 

You giggled. “You asked me to come over at 3 am. You said you wanted me to, and I quote, 'bring poison for the squatters that keep crawling into bed with you.' Thankfully, I am fluent in exhausted Frank because that could have been very alarming to wake up to otherwise.” Perching on the cushion his torso was on, you set a bag of assorted items on the floor. Threading a hand into his hair, you studied the purple tinge under his eyes. “Did you sleep at all, sugar?”

Shaking his head, Frank let his eyes fall closed as you kneaded at his scalp. “Sorry I texted ya, I don't remember doin' that.”

“Not a problem, pumpkin. Sounds like you might need some back up if the squatters have been causing so much trouble.”

“Meant spiders.” He groaned, gesturing in the direction of his front door. “Damn things are buildin' an army in here.”

You chuckled. “How about you take a nap while I handle the spiders, hmm?” 

Nodding tiredly, Frank shifted into a more comfortable position and llet his head thunk against the armrest. 

Rolling your eyes, you poked his shoulder. “I meant in bed, tough guy.”

Pretending not to hear you, Frank simply flipped over. Smirking at your exasperated grumble, he settled in for a nap. Before nodding off, his heart swelled with affection as you threw a blanket over his body and slid a pillow under his head. “Sleep well, sugar.”

As he slept, you diligently scoured the place for creepy crawlies, capturing them in the plastic box you'd brought before releasing them into the wilderness--spraying the borders of his door and windows with diluted peppermint oil to prevent their reappearance. Brushing your hands together with satisfaction, you curled up against your broad-shouldered boyfriend for a well earned mid-morning nap. 

[ivyial]

Reading one of your answers, I noticed that you wrote “Leon has a crush” and while I was playing the game, I also had such thoughts because a man cannot behave like that if he does not feel something. Can you please explain how you were convinced of this?

hi there!! i'm so very late to this ask i'm sorry :,)

so i'm gonna try and retrace the steps of how i realised that (from a year or so ago lolol). one thing you have to know about me before we begin is that i cannot recognise flirting for SHIT LMAOAOAO like genuinely. it is BAD. i am seriously socially impaired in that department.

when i played re4r last year, i had not played the og re4 (i still haven't, as a matter of fact). so i went into it relatively blind, with no opinion about leon/ashley (it did not seem like a big enough ship that people were ever giving their opinions on it, apart from the 'overtime' part in the og). i knew a bit about ashley, and how annoying a big chunk of the fandom found her in the og, and that was about it.

ashley flirting with leon in the game was somewhat obvious. the "i think you'd look pretty dashing" line was a big giveaway, although other than that, she doesn't actually make any big move on leon (sure, she offers him to become part of her security detail at the end, but yeah).

HOWEVER.

the dining hall scene happened - leon telling ashley "i'm not used to having such good company"???? that definitely made go 💡!!!

also, if you go back to chapter 9, after ashley's playable section, she finds leon again in the cage, and he says to her "can you make it down? i can catch you". i didn't find his words odd, but i found his tone extremely specific. if you go back and listen, it doesn't exactly sound like a matter-of-fact offer. it sounds like an incentive, but i wasn't so sure whether it was more for ashley's benefit or his own. he just sounds so bashful saying it and he's smiling. maybe that's just me, but i definitely found his tone suggestive in that scene. at the time i just shrugged it off as me misunderstanding tone (as it happens sometimes).

i originally was not predisposed to seeing them as a couple, since i'd never really seen the possibility of it being evoked in the modern RE fandom. i was more of a cleon girlie at the time too (i still am, but not as much nowadays). so i finished the game for the first time thinking "aw, leon and ashley had such a great dynamic, he's very supportive of her and kind, they're a great (platonic) fit". but then, you know, there was still the flirting initiated by ashley, the flirting (?) initiated by leon, and that unusual tone that he had in chapter 9.

so i didn't really see the bigger picture until i read the leshley/eagleone posts written by @sapphire-weapon (if you haven't checked her blog out yet, you have to, not just for her leon/ashley posts, but even for her general meta analyses which are absolutely brilliant). and then, i started putting it together, noticing the instances of leon flirting with ashley, some of which i'd missed, the structure of the story, etc.

and from there, well. you realise how well leon and ashley work together, even in a platonic setting, and you add their occasional flirting, as well as the DINING HALL SCENE??? which to me is a massive giveaway and is one of the things that convinced me the most apart from their literal interactions. room with red wallpaper, a statue of two snakes that could either be fighting or, well, fucking lmao (i also don't need to explain the phallic symbol there), the queen/king paintings, and the fact that this is one of the few rooms in this game where they are not interrupted by any enemies. it's a very private setting + "well, yeah, but i'm not used to having such good company".

leon's crush is also demonstrated through the way ashley pulls out a softer side of him.

you can see in chapter 13 (when he calls out for her from the other side of the cell - if you listen closely, it sounds like nick apostolides is reverting back to re2 leon's voice for that line).

there is also quite a bit of (sometimes unnecessary) physical contact between the two, which is almost always initiated by leon (it might even always be him). see: the way he holds on to her just a bit too long after catching her when she jumps out of the church window + the way they look at each other (chapter 5), right after escaping the ganados and joining luis in the villa (chapter 5), comforting ashley in the castle (chapter 9), and most importantly, checking on her after opening the cell and letting his fingers trail along her arms etc. (chapter 13) and (not physical contact but intended) the way he manages to break saddler's hold to reach for ashley when saddler touches her head on the altar (chapter 15). and i mean, he carries her bridal style multiple times (either catches her when she jumps or carries her like that on the way to the lab) (that in itself is also for the sake of practicality, but it adds to it).

taken separately, these events would probably not mean anything, but when you look at it all together, you realise that leon's feelings for ashley run deeper than just professionalism. i don't think he has to act like that - or at least, not if capcom just wanted them to be PURELY PLATONIC PURELY SIBLING CODED as one part of the fandom shouts all day long

this is a very long answer but yeah!! i hope this answers your question. btw, feel free to send me more leon/ashley asks!! i'd love to answer them :3

[yaqamole]

I hope this isn't insensitive but I just logged back on to see you leaving the country fandom, is it ok to ask what happened?

A lot happened.

But in the best way I can condense it. I had a really bad falling out with a friend. I understand why it happened and where I went wrong in it, I really do. However, I recently was made aware that this ex-friend is now spreading blatant lies about me, many which he and his friends attempted to gaslight me about towards the end of our friendship.

Some of these lies are downright awful and really make me out to be a monster and a dangerous person. Some of them I actually fear might put me in danger in my day-to-day life and I am horrified that they are being spread. They all range from mild to extreme and I genuinely no longer feel safe in the Hetalia fandom specifically. But I also feel unsafe in general due to the danger these lies pose on me, especially as a brown transmasc.

Very sensitive information I trusted this friend with is being twisted in order to make it seem like I intended harm or to imply that I am a harmful person to be around. Not only that, there are accusations that are so blatantly false regarding information about my growing up and background. Seeing this all has made me absolutely sick to my stomach.

I have lost friends over this and I fear I will continue to because I don't know who is being told or where, I just know that these things are being said.

So I ask everyone, if you hear things about me, please come to me first. I am more than willing to explain things and debunk the lies being told about me. I have always aimed to be as transparent as possible and I intend to remain that way, especially with this. I understand my mistakes and I own up to those. But I absolutely will not stand for absolutely abhorrent things being said about my character just because somebody refuses to accept that they already won the situation between us.

Frankly, and I don't care if his friends who have been stalking my accounts see this, this all is so very ironic. This person claims to care about POC but wasted no chance in turning a transmasc brown person into a dangerous monster and crying white woman tears in order to turn people against me. Especially when they were well aware that being villainized and treated the way they are treating me is the one thing I hate most that happens when I fall out of friendships with white people.

I genuinely don't understand how you can claim you care about POC while using your white privilege to villainize a POC and not think about the consequences that come with that.

And as I said earlier, this ex-friend and his group have attempted to gaslight me about things I supposedly did. It has taken my therapist months now to get me to stop believing the things that they made me believe of myself because none of it is true. Even now I still keep blaming myself for things that I didn't do because this group has turned me into a cartoon villain for them to shove all their blame onto!

It's fucking ridiculous and rancid.

But overall, I just ask that you come to me if you hear things about me because I know who I am and I am horrified at the words being spewed about me.

[scarletta-ruan]

helloo, how are you? hope you're doing good! so, could i request a headcanon where dazai, chuuya and sigma (if there's too much you can choose only 1) comforts reader after a bad day? tysm and hope you're taking care of yourself, don't worry if you need to reject the ask or something like that! love your writings <3

Headcanon where Dazai, Chuuya and Sigma comforts reader after a bad day

WARNING: OOC, soft!characters, mention of bad feeling, character comfort the reader, mention of some nicknames (Belladonna, small candy, vanilla cookies,...)

TYPE: Headcanon

PAIRING: Dazai Osamu || Chuuya Nakahara || Sigma x fem!reader (seperately)

WORDCOUNTS: 2k+ words

NOTES: Aw, thanks for loving my writing. Don't worry about I'm rejecting your request, dear. Because my motto is not to refuse anybody who request me, even though a lot character or a few one, I still write it. So don't be afraid of sending me request. *winking eyes*

1. Osamu Dazai

In my mind, Dazai was also a person who could read personal emotions or feelings through their face. So it would be easy for Dazai to know that you are having a bad day by looking straight at your face. 

If you two were both at work or in public Dazai would act like a normal day because he noticed that you did not want to show other people that you had a bad day. But when you got home, sitting on the couch with Dazai next to you, finally you could let yourself off.

When you told him that you had an extremely bad day, Dazai nodded his head and said that he knew it when he looked at your emotions.

“I know at the first place, my bella donna. I know that you are having a bad day but when I notice that you don’t want to say it out in front of lots of people so I decide to wait until we get home.”

When you heard what he was saying, your tears slowly fell down on your cheeks. You were feeling eager with Dazai’s saying. When Dazai saw that you were crying, he slowly approached you. 

Since Dazai was strong enough to hold you up, then he held you up and put you to sit on his laps. You could not deny him anymore, you were busy crying now. He let your head lay on his chest, and his hand rubbing up and down your back. 

“Shh, I am here. Since I am here, I would listen to you until you are feeling better, dear.”

You slowly nodded your head while you were crying, Dazai still patted your head patiently by your side.

“My beautiful pie, I’m here. I’m here.”

Dazai was still whispering to calm you down. When you finished crying, that was when Dazai gave you a list of things you two would do to help you feel better. 

“Here is a to-do-list for us. We should do everything in this list, maybe it will help you to get better.”

You received a note from him and only saw a handwriting which you realized was him. You should sit here while I do anything for you. 

When you read that, you giggled and nodded your head to make Dazai know that you agree with his idea. When he saw that you finally let he do anything just to comfort you, Dazai immediately stood up from his seat and disappeared from the door.

When Dazai returned back, he spoiled you with everything you liked. From your favorite food to your favorite sweet then your favorite teddy bear too, when you asked Dazai where he got those things, he would answer that it was a secret.

If you liked listening to music, Dazai would turn on the radio or some music players with your favorite soothing song. When he saw that you were normal like any other day, he knew that you had passed the hardest day of your life. 

Dazai would offer you a hot cocoa cup because he was told that sweets would affect some people’ emotion. When you received the hot cup and said thank you, Dazai would lean his forehead against you and said.

“Finally you are getting better, belladonna. I love your smile a lot, please smile and cry whenever you like because your man is always here for you.”

2. Chuuya Nakahara

I might say about Chuuya that he would spoil you with anything he had.

You got home after a bad day, when you finally stepped your feet inside your home, you felt much better but… except your emotion still bad. When you looked down to be able to pick your shoes up to place them neatly on the side of the doorstep, you saw a pair of familiar man’s shoes was placed there. That proved that Chuuya was home now.

And the smell of the food made your stomach rumbling a lot. You followed the smell to get into the kitchen, and that was when you saw Chuuya was standing by a stove with his apron on. You slowly got in and hugged him from behind, Chuuya knew immediately that it was you so he greeted you like everyday he got home earlier than you.

“Welcome home, little candy, how are you today?”

When you replied to his answer that you were feeling so bad and you did not want to do anything else now. That made part of Chuuya’s heart feel broken, he stopped cooking then turned to face you. You were panicked with his quick action but that was when Chuuya hugged you tightly with his arms.

Since Chuuya was taller or shared the same height as you he would place his chin on your hair, while his hand gently patted your head. He was singing a song which he always used to comfort you.

“Don’t be sad, little candy. If you are feeling bad just come home with me and I will make you your favorite things and I will listening to you.”

You slowly brushed your cheek against the soft material of his apron, you loved this kind of feeling a lot, when Chuuya held you into his arms comforting you when you had a bad day. 

Then you slowly told him everything that made your day bad, from the works or at schools to the people who you meet today. You also told him everything which made you upset, when you finished telling him, and Chuuya was silenced.

Then he raised both of his hands to your cheeks, gently lifted your head up to look at him. Chuuya slowly kissed on your forehead, then he started comforting you.

“My small candy is getting enough for a bad day herself, well, if you don’t mind, will you join me into a romantic dinner with me. I promise it will help you feel alright.”

When you agreed to his saying, you nodded your head. Chuuya led you to the table, he acted like he was in a real restaurant with you. He pulled the chair out for you to sit down beside the table. You did not need to wait for a long moment, then Chuuya picked up dishes for you.

“Here, miss. Please enjoy our dinner.”

When you ate what Chuuya made for you, he could see that you were calm now by looking at the way you enjoyed the food. When you finished dinner and said thank you for the food, Chuuya put a paper in front of you and said.

“Now it’s your time to rate our home Chuuya restaurant, how many stars will you get me, beautiful lady?”

When you giggled and ticked all the five stars on the paper, Chuuya also laughed too.

“Ah, I really love the way you smile like that. Feeling better from the bad day, right? Just kick it out of your head, small candy, if someone did it again to you I would bunch them.”

3. Sigma

Talk about this soft boy - Sigma. Maybe he could not realize it at first when you got home, but he would know soon enough he saw an abnormal you.

Imagine that you got home tired and had just had a bad day so your feeling was too bad now. That was when Sigma headed out to the doorstep to greet you.

“Welcome home, vanilla cookie.”

When you nodded your head and greeted him back, Sigma then noticed a different you when you did that. Normally you would smile and greet him then you would place a kiss on his cheek like, but you did not do that. Sigma also felt that your voice gave him a weird feeling now, and that was when he asked.

“What happened to you, sweet vanilla?”

And you just liked waiting for his question so long, that was when you burst into tears in front of his eyes. Both of your hands tried to wipe the tears off so you could not worry him, Sigma also knew that you were not feeling good so he approached you and his arms surrounded your waist, pulling you closer to him.

“My lovely vanilla taste, I’m here for you now, I am here to get ready for wiping off your tears. But if you are feeling bad and need to cry, just do it, because I will never leave you when you are upset like this.”

Sigma let you cry on his shirt, even your tears made his shirt wet he did not mind. To him, his shirt was the thing he could buy again if he got a chance but with your emotions Sigma knew that if you were upset maybe he would not have another chance to cheer you up if he did not grab the opportunity in his hand. 

“There, there, I will be here, my sweet vanilla.”

Sigma was really patient when he patted your head and said comforting words to you. He could hold you in his arms until you finished crying, even though for an hour Sigma could wait for it and he had no complaints.

And when you finished crying, Sigma would use both of his hands to lift your face up. Then his thumbs will wipe off the strain of tears on your eyes, his heart felt broken when he saw your red eyes as the result of your crying. He thought that if he was able to fight with the sadness of you he would make it loose and return him the happiness of you.

“Seems like crying so hard makes your eyes turn red now, shall we come into the living room so I can give you some eye drops?”

Sigma did not need you to nod your head when he pulled your hand gently and led you to the living room then applied some eye drops for both of your eyes. When he finished it, Sigma led you to the bathroom, then he prepared you a hot bathtub and told you to take a shower while he would continue making something to make you feel good.

“Here, your warm bathtub. When you finish taking shower then wait for me in the living room because I have a surprise for you.”

You nodded your head and enjoyed the bathtub after Sigma left. When you finished bathing, you got into the living room and waited for him. Just the Sigma got in and brought you a plate full of cookies with a warm glass of milk.

“Here, all of these cookies are for you. I had baked it for so long to make it have a good smell like that.”

Then he placed a plate on the table and gave both of your hands a glass of warm milk. Sigma looked at you and enjoyed the cookies he baked only for you and took some sips of milk. When you finished eating, he wrapped his arms around you and asked how were you feeling now.

“So… are you feeling better, vanilla cookies?”

If you said that you were alright now, Sigma would smile and give you a kiss on your forehead and say that he was relieved when he heard that.

“Finally, you are happy now. Next time if you are having a bad day, just tell me ahead, dear.”

But if you said that you were still feeling bad, Sigma would put you on his lap and cuddle you. He also told you to tell him what things made you upset again and when you were telling the stories, Sigma was still listening to it while cuddling with you. When you fell asleep while telling him, Sigma would sigh and carry you to bed. When he helped you to lie on the comfortable way, Sigma would lie down next to you.

His hand tugged a strain of your falling hair up to your ears and kissed your forehead.

“Sleep well, my dear and you would feel better.”

[bandofchimeras]

gender theory

this is not an invitation for any more bad faith discourse but after some reflection (and please know I am speaking in generalizations there are always exceptions)

the main reason i wanted language for "transandrophobia" is because of the oddly hostile, shitty, assumptive behavior people project out since post transition.

i've felt misogyny and this is not misogyny.

i got a nice reminder of what being percieved as woman was like the other day because i chose to go out in drag.

people asking where the organizer of the event was, then literally talking over me or acting like i didn't exist, ignoring requests. makeup & a feminine outfit, magical juice that makes your voice inaudible unless you yell. bullshit. Also, misogyny is serious, misogyny can lead to death and violence, transmisogyny multiplies that risk. I don't want that downplayed. trans men can experience misogyny in a way that de-genders us, or misdirected transmisogyny. but there's this other thing.

and it does impact you: being randomly treated like a threat, having bad intent assumed, putting up with hostility for no apparent reason, being expected to put up with put-downs and mean spirited jokes, having trauma projected onto you, being perceived as and told your body is gross, undesirable, being perceived as a creep, or weird and perverted for being or wanting to be pregnant, being assumed unsafe for kids or "sus" because of perceived masculinity.

this is not MISOGYNY. AND GET THIS! these are things trans women experience too /for being perceived or misgendered as masculine or male/ so hear me out:

what if there were a word that could encompass the transphobic demonization of masculinity that is experienced across the artificial trans binary divide? (because intersex people who do not identify as trans exist and can experience this) because both trans men and women also do experience particular flavors of misogyny if outed/clocked. but I really, really really really really need to dig into this:

n, that part of the reason white trans men don't get targeted for as much violence as white trans women is that often we get de-gendered into the category of "woman" which equals "harmless" while trans women are denied that category, and assigned into "male" which equals "dangerous" in TERF ideology but once passable as male, also occupy this territory and experience disgust, vitriol, and abuse. What i am trying badly to articulate is actually that trans people serves AS SCAPEGOATS FOR CIS MEN. PERIOD. like if you see masculinity in a trans person you can punish them for it on a level which people don't feel impunity to do to cis men. trans men can try to retain protection by identifying as women, which trans women are not afforded. so the privilege is not aligned with whom is seen as most woman-like and targeted by misogyny, but with whom can escape being the sacrificial lamb for the violence cis men are not being held accountable for. so this is all because cis men are an (invisibly) protected class - but also the first victims of other cis men, as boys. bell hooks dives into this in The Will to Change. TERF ideology is extremely slippery. it is actually patriarchal to play this "women are the ultimate victims" card even if you're doing so as an attempt to validate trans women. Being perceived as a woman and experiencing misogyny for that is different than the experience of being punished for perceived gender divergence, for violating the holy category of manhood. BUT YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO CALL IT THAT. Patriarchal men refuse first and foremost, to acknowledge they are /protected/ as a class, but this refusal, to equal the playing field, is invisible and creates a culture of intense abuse in the ranks of that class. Its not directly analogous but its like white people refusing to acknowledge they have white supremacist notions and live in a system that protects them, meanwhile tolerating and covering up extreme abuse within that system to ourselves because of this completely baseless assumption that the protection is meaningful.

Men are only protected so long as they play the game, and they get more chances to fuck up. But its more comfortable within patriarchy to treat women as the sacred protected class. To paint women as victims, plagued by eternal suffering. To do so obfuscates both the perpetrator of the violence - we don't have a problem with battered women, we actually have a problem with abusive men, who are equal human beings who can and should be held to task for acts of abuse. So women can appear to fight patriarchy all while continuing it by not perceiving the cisheteronormative, colonial gender binary as a tool of control. Flipping the script logically, that if women are inherently victims, men are inherently abusers. And then this gets weaponized against men of color, used to aggress trans women, and attempt to pass on the patriarchy-perpetuating victim complex to white trans men by getting us to see ourselves as wronged women. Not gonna lie, that got me for awhile. I am someone who was wronged by men (and women) due to misogynist perceptions. I am also someone who has experienced far more alienation, social pain, aggression, and psychological abuse since I began being perceived as a man. And not just from men. No, men actually, have started being much nicer to me comparatively, when I pass until I violate some presuppostion of how men are supposed to act (until becoming fag in their eyes or trannyboy hole or whatever, some are respectful but I do my best not to out myself to men for safety reasons). maybe nicer is not the word, they are kinda mean to eachother, but they treat me for awhile like I'm in on the joke. Of course, I'm not, don't know the material, and am usually hypervigiliant the entire time. no, what sucks is the loss of women's community, exclusion from it, if you really buy into manhood and try to integrate into Dudes World (or gay cis men's world even tbh), its like being alone and sent out to these people you've been taught your whole life are dangerous, and losing your support because now you are dangerous (even if you haven't yet assimilated into toxic masculinity). and then on top of that, people with beef against men, suddenly have a perfect practice target for accountability, punishment, etc. You start enjoying your masculinity and women come out of the woodwork to shit on men and maleness and masculinity and its not the worst thing ever to happen, but its difficult emotion terrain. Especially when they then revoke your right to speak about actual misogyny you did or do experience... Trans men get abused to fuck, y'all, especially Black trans men in America, and trans men have the highest suicide rate among identity divides in trans people. I genuinely hate the co-optation of transsexuality with cissexual gender non-conformity (like being cissexual and using they/them pronouns) because then trans men start getting thrown in with "theyfabs" WHO I MAY ADD, are the "acceptable targets" for people's gripes with women. Non-binary people perceived as male it seems experienced the same kind of things trans men who develop "male" traits like beer bellies, chin clefts, yada yada you know the body parts used to caricature trans women as well, do. I.e. get treated shitty within the community as a proxy for people's issues with men. Do you see? Because of cis men's protected status, masculinity in the trans community can make you the scapegoat. Like when people on here were on one accusing gender non-conforming cis butches of male privilege. Because its easier to hold Frankie accountable and process your daddy trauma on her psyche, than it is to go fight your actual fucking dad or get your rapist a guilty verdict. Its easier to mock the fuck out of trans men than it is to confront how abusive cis society is to trans people and how impossible it is to hold cis men or women accountable. Trans women can certainly recount how they get held responsible for everyone's mommy issues and problems with women, in the community.

One more caveat: I also don't know if I have been conflating my experiences being autistic, with being perceived as a trans man, as a lot of hostility I face confuses me and even my friends and may be due to flat affect, or missing social cues, or something. But it gets compounded with masculinity, instead of being an awkward girl, I am now a "creep" for awkward behavior. I actively intervene at bars sometimes when clearly autistic or DD men are missing social cues, making people uncomfortable, and everyone is being cruel about it, and go talk to them. Because they deserve to know how to interact safely & pro-socially if they want to, not just made into a scapegoat for conventionally attractive allistic cis men whom, we know, have a fucking vice grip on our psyches. I want some avenue of respect that isn't participating in toxic patriarchal culture (losing game), or becoming a lapdog who will beat itself up on command. What I've settled on is taking Mr. Rogers and LeVar Burton as models of masculinity internally while also toughening and hardening up externally to deal with shit, and keeping my emotions to myself in real life (which is why they come out all over the place online), but honestly....I'm a needy, hyper, silly fagboy inside. I hate feeling like the only avenue to become expressive is through femininity that gives me dysphoria sometimes, because people react so weirdly to seeing a tough lookin dude with gay wrists, prancing around. But I'm really fighting it now, tapping back into that spiritual philosophical gender fluidity that is the inherent being of my nature - being queer shouldn't be about sexuality or even gender so much as the right to be who the fuck you are, full stop, whole human being in all complex dimensions, and asserting the right to that for everyone. So idk maybe transandrophobia isn't it, but we need to have better discussions about power dynamics that aren't "woman good man bad" for the love of christ. That's something I wanted to articulated, and now I've stayed up all night doing so. Gnight!

[marchtomydrums]

Lesson Learned

Cordelia Goode x Wilhemina Venable x Ally Mayfair x Reader (mother/ daughter)

“Come on y/n just do it!” Maddison shouts at you getting impatient.

“Chill Mads if she doesn't want to do it she doesn't have to,” Queenie says.

Zoe nods as she looks at you “Don't do it y/n those things are bad for you anyways.”

Maddison rolls her eyes “You guys are such babies. It's fine. All of the older girls smoke. “

“So you do what everyone else does?” Queenie snips back.

“I'm sorry who is the cool one in this group?” Maddison asked.

“Not you!” Queenie says.

The three girls go into a frenzy of arguing back and forth as you held the rolled-up cigarette in between your fingers. It couldn't be that bad you thought to yourself.

You placed the cigarette in between your lips and you lit the end watching the first clouds of smoke roll out.

It really was like a smoke signal making all of the girls go quiet and look toward you.

Maddison smirked “Finally someone with some balls. Now inhale.” she says.

You did as she said breathing in deeply feeling the smoke fill up your lungs and blowing it out quickly.

You choke on the smoke getting caught in your chest causing you to cough loudly.

“Jesus this is awful,” you said coughing in between your words.

“You’ll get used to it,” Madison shrugs as she inhales smoothly and blows out rings of smoke toward Zoe.

“Y/n Y/M/n what on earth are you doing?!” you hear a voice shout behind you.

“Oh shit,” Queenie whispers.

You slowly turned around finding brown eyes glaring at you.

“Ally...I”

“Do you know how dangerous these things are? What they can do to your health?” she asked snatching the cigarette from you and putting it out.

“Give it to me Madison and the rest of whatever you have,” she says holding her hand out.

“You're not my mother. “ the blonde chuckles.

“She's not. But I am your supreme and I'm telling you to hand it over. Now.” Cordelia says walking up behind you.

Madison rolls her eyes as she hands over the pack she got this morning.

“You guys are ridiculous,” she complained.

“Thank you. Now all of you go to your rooms.” Cordelia shouts.

The girls quickly move past the two women heading inside. You tried to hide in the middle of them hoping to escape when you feel a hand on your shoulder pulling you back.

“Not you,” Ally says pulling you towards her.

You sighed as you watched the girls escape to their rooms. It was times like these that you wished you weren't the daughter of the supreme.

“Y/n what were you thinking?” Cordelia asked.

“I'm sorry. Madison said it wasn't a big deal. I was just trying it.”

“You know better than to listen to Madison,” Ally says.

“I know.”

“And you know how I feel about smoking,” Cordelia adds.

“But you let the older girls...”

“The older girls are just that older. They're all old enough to buy them and old enough to make their own choices. It's not a choice that I like but I can't stop them. As long as they follow the rules about keeping it outside and cleaned up that's all I can ask of them.”

“Y/n it's not a habit you want. It's nasty for your health. It makes you smell and it's extremely addicting. “ Ally adds.

“I'm sorry,” you mumbled looking down.

“Honey I know it's hard growing up and you're going to want to try things. But some things aren't worth trying. I promise you aren't missing out when it comes to these.” Cordelia says shaking the box of cigarettes.

“I know. It tastes gross and it made me cough really bad. I won't do it again.”

Your mothers smile “Good!” they both say in unison.

“But... We still have to tell Momma and I don't think she's going to let you off so easily,” Cordelia says.

Your eyes grow wide as you shake your head. “No Mom, please. Please don't tell Momma. She will kill me and Madison.”

“You know we don't keep secrets from one another.”

“I know but...please,” you begged as tears pricked your eyes.

“ I’m sorry sweetheart but you know how this works. The three of us don't hide things from one another and we all make decisions together. We will talk to her and go from there.” Cordelia says as she kisses your forehead.

Cordelia walks back into the house leaving you and Ally outside.

“Well get a good look at me Al. I’ll be dead soon.” you cried.

Ally chuckles as she shakes her head pulling you into her arms for a hug.

“Oh sweets you're not going to die. She loves you too much to kill you. Now Madison on the other hand....”

“Ally!”

She laughs “ I'm kidding. We will talk to her sweets okay? But please promise me you won't smoke again. I love you too much to lose you. “

“I promise Al. “

“Good. I love you, sweets,” she says with a smile.

“I love you too.”

“Y/n Y/M/n!!!” you hear your redhead mother scream from inside.

“Ahh man,” you whined.

Ally chuckles as she lops her arm in yours.

“Come on sweets.”

“I'm never listening to Madison again.” you groaned as Ally all but dragged you into the house.

[captain-hen]

Hi! So uhhh from the Blorbo Bingo you answered "most fandom takes are incorrect" about Eddie. Now. I've certainly read some takes that make me go ????? But what are some takes you've seen and don't agree with that you don't mind sharing with that class? 👀

okay well i'm just warning you in advance that you've probably opened up a pandora's box by asking me this, but. here are my many, many thoughts on the subject:

the take that eddie has 'anger issues' because of the fight club arc annoys me SO much, because it is: a) racist as hell given that eddie and chimney are the only characters who are treated like this even though bobby has been demonstrated to lash out (violently) in anger on multiple occasions, no one ever tries to say he has anger issues or that his loved ones would be at risk because of him. the fight club arc was more about self-destruction rather than anything else; and eddie wasn't, like. beating up random people in the street. all of the people he was fighting were there for the same reason he was and it was all 100% consensual until it got out of hand in 3x08—at which point he immediately stopped.

the trope that eddie is 'bad with words' or bad at expressing his feelings, is sooo inaccurate, like my man has some of the most heartfelt quotes filled with devotion to his loved ones, put some respect on his name! he's bad with allowing himself to have these feelings, sure, but he's never had a problem with telling his loved ones what they really need to hear when the time comes.

'eddie's panic attacks were only because of ana/comp-het' god. please stop. there were a large number of factors, the most pressing being the fact that he nearly died four months ago. the thing with ana was merely a catalyst and he had at least 2-3 moments like that that had absolutely nothing to do with her. pls rewatch 5A i am begging.

this one was particularly strong in the weeks after 6x10: eddie verbally expressed his fear for buck's life loudly, which means he obviously cares about him more than shannon. fucking hell. please stop. not only is it a weird-ass comparison to make, the way a normal human being might verbally/physically express their grief is in no way proportionate to the actual grief they might feel for someone they deeply love. eddie has been an extremely private person when it comes to his emotions and canonically has a tendency to compartmentalize. his ability to hold it together while shannon was dying is no way indicative of him loving her less. and i'm SO glad 6B emphasized how fondly he thinks of her still asjkdkd

there are definitely loads more but these are the ones that annoy me the most, so. hope you agree with me sjdkdk