#i am hurt shocked offended etc | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

its-time-to-write · 1 year ago

Note

hi, i love your writing! could i request something where jamie and reader are dating and jamie starts introducing them to the important people in his life, like roy, keeley, the richmond boys, etc. and each time they get introduced to someone new, whenever jamie steps away, they basically get some variation of the 'you better not hurt him' talk, and when jamie finds out he's worried that reader is gunna be offended or upset but they reassure him that it's fine, they think it's cute that everyone's so protective of him and that it's nice to see him have so many people care about him

Sorry this took FOREVER. Here it is!

the way it goes

It has been exactly twenty-one days since Jamie asked you out on a proper date, and you’re of the opinion that life can’t get much better than this. You’ve only met two of his teammates so far, (Isaac because he’s one of Jamie’s good friends and Richard because you ran into him while shopping) and honestly, they aren’t what you expected at all.

They’re kind and they seem to genuinely like working together.

(It’s a little funny to call football “work.”)

Isaac tells Jamie to bring you next time they all hang out, and reminds him to buy more juice packs than last time so they don’t run out again.

—

Turns out the next “hang out,” is a night at Isaac’s, and the whole team is there with various partners and spouses. There’s a strict sweatpants-only drsesscode, and pretty much everyone is in clearly expensive matching sets. You’re grateful that Jamie shrunk a brand-new deep green set the other week, because you didn’t have time to go out and buy something new/not ratty.

There are tables of board games, a pile of snacks, and even a bar. Jamie drags you over so he can get “proper buzzed,” and requests something incredibly complicated from Beard, who appears to be the only coach present.

“Babe,” Jamie says, “you good here? I’m gonna get some food.”

You nod and watch him weave through groups of people. You lean against the bar and wait for Jamie’s drink.

“So,” says Beard, “you’re Jamie’s girlfriend.

You nod. “Yeah, I am. I’ve known him for ages, though. Since I was in uni. Always thought he was just some prick footballer trying to score, if you know what I mean.”

Beard chuckles. “I get it. He’s a bit of an asshole sometimes.”

You grin. “He’s my asshole.”

Beard slides you Jamie’s drink but before he completely lets it go, he says, “Hey.”

His voice has lost its jocularity, so you look up to meet his (very intense, slightly terrifying) eyes.

“Jamie doesn’t need his heart broken. He may have been a giant prick, but he’s different now. He’s not the kind of guy you can just screw and move on from.”

Your mouth has gone a little dry, so you just nod. Right then. You turn to go find Jamie and hope he won’t mind if you take a sip of his drink. You’re planning on staying sober tonight, so that one sip is going to have to get you through till the end.

It wouldn’t be the first time someone’s told you to be careful with Jamie. The first time was actually Roy’s niece, Phoebe. Jamie was babysitting and he asked you to come along, so while he was paying for ice creams Phoebe tugged your arm so you’d get down to her level and said, “If you make him cry, they’ll never find you again.”

You had looked at her in shock while she matter-of-factly stated, “My Uncle Roy’s been teaching me things.”

She said the word things far too ominously for an eight year old, but then Jamie came back and she was all smiles again.

You got a similar, equally threatening talk from Phoebe’s mum, and then from Roy, and then Roy’s girlfriend Keeley.

Variations of the “break him and I’ll break you” talk had begun to trickle in whenever you’d pick up Jamie from Nelson Road. The tone ranged from Sam’s vaguely threatening, “We all love Jamie very much. We’re incredibly protective of him,” to Jan Maas’s blunt, “If you break his heart, you will never find another date on this entire continent.

Even Ted had a comment, which was more along the lines of, Jamie’s a big softie, he doesn’t need some to play him right now, he needs a real supporter. Each time, you assured them that you weren’t going to hurt him. You didn’t ask why they thought you would be the one doing the hurting when he was the one with the reputation.

Because you are fully aware of his reputation. You hadn’t seen Lust Conquers All, but you’d seen enough clips to piece together exactly how it went. And you’d seen the details of his cheating scandals all over the papers. And dealt with him firsthand while in uni. So yeah, Jamie’s past prick-ish behavior is not a mystery to you.

You find it endearing that so many people love him enough to protect him. It’s a good sign, you think.

You find Jamie carefully stacking various snacks on a tiny, tiny plate. His face lights up when you come into view.

“Oh good,” he says. “Extra hands.” He grabs his drink with one hand and gives you the plate with the other. He starts piling on something flaky and slightly green.

“Isaac’s girlfriend makes these fucking pistachio things, and they always go way too fast. Gotta eat them while you can,” he says while creating an engineering marvel.

“Glad you like ‘em, bruv,” comes Isaac’s voice from behind you. You jump a little, and the plate wobbles.

You turn to see Isaac with an absolutely gorgeous woman on his arm.

“I’m Stella,” she says. “It’s wonderful to meet you. We’ll have to have you two over for a real dinner.”

Jamie and Isaac quickly become engrossed in a serious discussion about football tactics, with Jamie downing his drink and then taking the plate of food from you. He was right, those pistachio things are amazing.

You chat with Stella for a little bit and learn she’s the face of a modeling agency and met Isaac during some football/branding thing.

“He was the only one during the entire shoot who made sure I was drinking enough water,” she laughs. “Who knew the way to my heart was through proper hydration?”

You talk a little longer before Jamie’s arm is snaking around your waist to whisk you off to see Dani. It goes like that for a little while until you finally settle down at one of the game tables. It’s a card game involving a lot of yelling and pointing fingers.

The house is noisy and cozy, filled to the brim with people who are just comfortable around each other, and you think you’ve never experienced something like this in your whole life.

Jamie on the other hand, is yawning a little bit. His hand, which had been on your knee tracing squiggly patterns, is starting to slow down so you put yours on top of his and whisper, “You about ready to go?”

Jamie nods and presses a kiss to the side of your head.

“Got fucking extra training tomorrow,” he quietly laments.

You get up to leave and Jamie follows suit with a very loud pronouncement that he’d rather be somewhere private, much to the amusement of the Greyhounds who begin to hoot and whistle. You roll your eyes and smack his butt on the way out.

Forty-five minutes later, Isaac’s phone dings with a photo of Jamie in a pink robe and green face mask, hair pulled back in an equally pink and fluffy headband. He’s lying on your bed and he can see the tv screen playing Notting Hill. You’ve typed, Someplace private, my ass, and Isaac just shakes his head and grins. Fucking Jamie. Prick on the outside, softie on the inside.

You better not break his heart, he writes.

HAH comes your reply a moment later. Not a chance.

“Babe, look,” you say handing Jamie your phone. “I’ve collected the whole set.”

Jamie reads your text thread then looks up at you in confusion. “What d’you mean?”

“Isaac is the only one who hasn’t like, threatened me or something if I hurt you,” you reply.

The tips of Jamie’s ears turn red. “What do you mean, the only one?” he asks. “Like, the team?”

You shake your head. “Oh no. I mean, yes, the whole team, but like pretty much everyone who works at Nelson Road.”

Jamie’s eyes widen as you begin to list people on your fingers. “Alright, so obviously the Greyhounds, plus all the coaches, Keeley, Rebecca, Higgins, Trent, Samantha at the front desk, Gary, Phoebe and her mum, Will-” you pause. “Should I keep going?”

Jamie groans. “Fucking hell. I’m sorry. They’re all twats, except Phoebe. I swear, they’re not always like that. I’ll talk to them and make ‘em leave you alone.”

“No! You can’t let them know that you know! And…” you hesitate, “I thought it was kind of sweet. Like a green flag, you know? They all like you enough to make sure that you’ll be ok, and they want me to know I have something special. Of course, I already knew that,” you continue, “but it’s nice confirmation.”

Oh. That’s new.

Jamie’s quiet for way too long so you look over at him. “Babe, are you crying?”

“No,” he says, choked up. “Face mask got in my fuckin’ eye.”

“It’s dried solid, babe.”

“Fine,” he says, “I might be a little. But you can’t tell anyone, especially not Ted, because then he’ll talk to me about feelings and shit, and I’d rather eat ten fucking scones than that.”

You laugh and snuggle into his side. There aren’t going to be any heartbreaks here, not if you can help it. You’re both planning on keeping the other around for the rest of your lives.

#jamie tartt x reader #jamie tartt fanfiction #jamie tartt imagine #jamie tartt x y/n #jamie tartt x you #jamie tartt

500 notes · View notes

fahbee · 6 months ago

Text

No Nightingales

We, the audience, know what that means. But how do Crowley and Aziraphale know?

Crowley makes it a point to deliver this line in the most 'pay attention, this is important' way possible. "Listen. Do you hear that?" Dramatic pause. And after Aziraphale says he doesn't hear anything, Crowley continues, "That's the point. No Nightingales." Followed by, “You idiot. We could have been… us.”

Let’s talk about it.

This is the first time in the show that nightingales are explicitly, openly referred to between Aziraphale and Crowley. Prior to this moment we had God's narration and the song playing on the piano during their romantic celebratory lunch at the Ritz. But no one in-universe has mentioned the song, or alluded to its importance or its meaning to Aziraphale and Crowley.

But during this painful 'breakup' scene, not only does Crowley refer to nightingales, but he does so in a way that is makes it clear that "nightingales" is actually a code between them meaning “us”.

After Crowley says “no nightingales” Aziraphale looks hurt, almost offended. Then Crowley says "we could have been... us" (past tense) and Aziraphale's heart breaks. He quickly looks away because he knows he isn't capable of hiding this pain. We briefly see this about-to-cry expression when Crowley grabs him for the kiss. In other words, Crowley saying "no nightingales" is understood by both of them to mean "our romance, our 'us', has ended before it even truly began."

Think about what this must mean for the rest of their 1941 interaction that we have yet to see. "A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square" was published in 1940. I think it’s clear that the first time they heard that song together, they had a breakthrough in their relationship. It might have been a baby step - but it was a significant one. Something happened between them to make "nightingales" code for "us" and it makes perfect sense for that breakthrough to have happened during their romantic 1941 encounter.

But I don't think it was anything as dramatic or earth-shattering as a kiss or a confession. I think it's clear that the bookshop kiss at the end of s2 was their first kiss, and Crowley's "we've spent our existence pretending that we aren't" speech is the first time either one of them as put their feelings for each other in such plain language. Nina's "have you been together long" talk with Crowley, and his subsequent shell-shocked reaction to it, points to Crowley not even really being fully aware that what Aziraphale and Crowley feel for each other looks like romantic love to outsiders because it actually is romantic love.

So what the hell happened in 1941? I am confident that we're going to find out in s3. My guess is that they continued drinking into the night, at some point one of them turned on the radio, and then the song came on. My hope is that Crowley asks Aziraphale to dance, which Aziraphale promptly and nervously turns down (call back to the s2 line "You don't dance.") but this leads them into a discussion about their importance to one another, even if they can't actually demonstrate it explicitly - no dancing, no touching, etc. Then finally, at the end, one of them plainly ties "nightingales" to their relationship in the most achingly romantic way possible. "You'll always have me, until the world ends, until the nightingale stops singing." I'm no writer, but you see what I mean.

I also think "no nightingales" means that when Aziraphale and Crowley finally do reunite and explicitly become an "us" (complete with do-over kiss) we'll get a line of dialogue referencing the nightingale once again.

#good omens #ineffable husbands #crowley #aziraphale #no nightingales

51 notes · View notes

kemendin · 2 years ago

Text

LOTRO venting re the reactions I’m seeing to the new update, with the disclaimer that I’m very very white and obviously can’t speak for any POC:

Man, I gotta say, I am severely disappointed with the reaction of so many people to the new Men options. And honestly, a little shocked. LOTRO has by far the nicest, most welcoming community of folks I’ve encountered in an MMO, and it feels disconcerting to see the ugly underside of that. Like, yes, the Tolkien fandom as a whole has always had that subset of racists, but LOTRO’s always felt much more niche and welcoming. Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised, but - I am, a little.

But seriously - the influx of inanities, the sheer immaturity I’m seeing on these comments. Adding more diversity to the character options is ‘ruining the game immersion’ and ‘an insult to Tolkien’s vision’ and all the other phrases these people like to throw around to cover up the simpler meaning of ‘POC shouldn’t exist here’. It’s the same thing that happened with Rings of Power.

And you know, I can even almost understand the point I’ve seen made several times, that they should have added more actual race options to go along with these new looks - Haradrim, Southron, Rhun, etc. And yes, that would be great! But a) do the people complaining even know how often players have chosen race not based on location, but on the visual options? Roleplayers do this ALL THE TIME. And b) until the devs DO give those options for more race origins, why not just... have the diversity in the character creation anyway? Why does it hurt so much if you can’t actually shuffle them off into another box that’s labelled ‘POC’ in your brain? I really don’t know whether to start Hulk-smashing people in my imagination or just sit here and laugh at their poor offended tears.

And then women with beard options - got to witness those reactions in SWTOR not long ago, and now in LOTRO. Someone quite correctly made the point that if you don’t care for such options, just don’t use them, to which the offended individual responded, in essence, ‘but they’re still being forced on me every time I see someone else playing one’.

Seriously. How is more options EVER a bad thing? How hard is it to just say ‘this is not for me’ and move on with your life? People -

Grow.

Up.

There are legitimate issues with the new update. I’ve seen a lot of general cosmetic bugs reported, and the whole face customisation being reset on acceptance is HIGHLY frustrating, when you have to go back and redo all the sliders when all you wanted to do was change your eyebrows. But MORE OPTIONS is not. An. Issue.

I can’t wait to see what happens if Elves get a revamp with darker skin tones....

(But also lol at all the people throwing hissy fits and saying they’re quitting over this. Trash takes itself out, I suppose!)

#kem rambles #lotro #lord of the rings online #i just can't even with people #i've been playing this game for over a decade #it's my home in a way no other game can be #and right now i want to take a giant can of raid and start spraying all the cockroaches complaining from the corners

110 notes · View notes

falling-drops-of-ichor · 7 months ago

Text

After a lot of recent encounters with people saying one of a number of actively harmful things, I feel like it's about time I sit down and chat. I am doing this through the exacerbated brainfog of a fever so this post may be edited for clarity or to make it more concise in the future.

"Source is everything that exists, and there is nothing to command or have power over - you can only have power WITH as everything plays out how it's wanted. The creator expressed itself through it's creations." [This person also tried to convince me that I wanted to be disabled when I incarnated: "You actually have it exactly how you want it."]

As a mostly hard polytheist (I believe some deities may share faces but ultimately believe each deity is an independent entity) the notion of a singular self-expressing source is completely out of line with my beliefs and experiences. You look at the number of ways someone can exist, whether that's method of incarnation or energetic typing or soul species (dragon/demon/etc), and that alone is why I refute a universal source. This person also believes in densities of consciousness, and the fact he couldn't even properly answer my questions about the variation in sentience and sapience in non-human animals even on earth speaks for me on how stupid that idea is. Especially by pinning angels up at the 13th density, while the highest example he gave for anything else was 6th. The whole thing just reeks of new age bullshit and probably could come across ableist if he was slightly less spiritual in his examples.

A different person tried to say the good humans are half alien and half Neanderthal. No real indication of what the others were but I can bet this was ancient astronaut theory in a fresh paint of coat given he was saying the Sumerian pantheon is an alien group, so that was just plain antisemitism. I am an admittedly uneducated gentile, but I hope to keep learning and make an effort to not just seem to hate Nazis (which I do) but to be able to be someone Jews can feel safe around.

Brief note here for the variety bag of other gentiles claiming Lilith has been their guardian since they were a child, etc etc, and how fucking stupid they sound. I've had one admit to me that Jews hate them for it, and he got pretty weird about me agreeing that he's being awful for legitimately believing Lilith is his guardian. (He also thought she is married to Lucifer Morningstar... I don't know enough to comment there but that doesn't sound right.)

This one I haven't personally seen in a while due to carefully curating my communities and Tumblr feed, but a recent discussion on the problem reminding me it's worth adding to this post while it's already long: a belief seeming to surge in popularity into the mainstream that deities don't get angry, can't be offended if you work with them, and won't be harmful intentionally OR on accident. I'm sorry, that's an entire deity, they are substantially threaded into reality itselves. They are huge, and they in my and friends' experiences typically put a nice face on a bit of themselves to talk to you. When my matron, She Who Reads Eulogies, first allowed me to more properly perceive her I almost thought I'd been being duped and just about banished her due to the sheer shock of the intensity and complexity of her presence alone. Hades called me his child and then left without a trace when I was like 16, and I've never so much as felt him since. And that hurt me! That hurt a lot! To have technically both of my fathers abandon me and become cold or abusive was traumatizing! I also have heard stories of deities manipulating people if not outright attacking them. And certain deities won't want to be associated - insisting on working with both of two deities at odds with each other may not end well for you or them. And, predominantly, if you're disrespectful while reaching out I wouldn't expect any beneficial attention in return. Deities are not big people in the sky you can turn into your uwu magic friends that protect you. They can protect you because of the way in which they are powerful enough to do so, and even then - I've seen deities have to turn back due to lines in politics amongst them that they won't cross. Respect what they do for you, and respect their no's... and respect them as beings. I've made awkward offerings and later found out I did it wrong, but I was respectful and acknowledged I might be fumbling so they paid attention regardless.

This is already probably four posts in one, so I'm going to leave this here and if anything else seems worth saying I'll srb or make a new post.

#dripping droplets #long post

3 notes · View notes

kquil · 1 year ago

Note

🧁 : cupcake Here I am: I’m a bit chubby🤷🏼‍♀️ I do have OCD(but I’m on medicine so it’s all good) I am a fourth grade teacher! I have two doggos. I’m pretty calm but boring🙃 I’m very blunt but always with good intentions! I love to play and joke around, but some people tend to get offended. I am a ENTJ and a Hufflepuff 💛 simple things make me happy(flowers, hugs, babies, etc) although I’m not being a cynic when it comes to love I just don’t really believe in it for me.(which is heart breaking because I’m such a romantic person)

oh darling, it breaks my heart to hear that you don't believe in love for yourself - i know you've probably heard the same things over and over again but you will find love some day, just remember that it always comes from with within first and eventually it'll become your reality - truthfully, we're kind of in the same boat but we shouldn't give up!

with the sum of everything you've told me! i ship you with none other than sirius black

i. he loves cuddling you, soooo much! and not just because you're soft and come with a little more squish, he just finds that you're lovely to hold and cuddle. and since he's so touch starved and clingy, he's not letting your go any time soon, touch is his love language too!

ii. the fact that you're so good with children, sirius finds really attractive. he never really thought he was the domestic type either but you just bring that side out of him. perhaps it's the fact that he's seeing what he missed out on in his childhood that makes him so soft for you, he doesn't really know but he definitely loves seeing you work with the kids. they've even seen him when he comes to pick you up or drop you off on his motorbike and the kids know him as 'Siri, teacher's boyfriend!' - just to tease you, he would call you teacher as well whenever he has a question

iii. you two doggos took a while to get used to sirius at first, mainly because he confused them and confusion meant danger which also means dangerous for you so...yeah...but they're all best buddies now! he loves cuddling them and easily falls into the trap of copying their mannerisms whenever they do it to him like tilting his head or scratching his ear or barking/growling

iv. your bluntness is something sirius always appreciated about you, it helped that you never meant any ill will towards him. he knows he can be very spontaneous and acts out sometimes so your bluntness and straightforward nature helps ground him. because you're kind, you apologise first but he insists that he's the one at fault and should have been the one to apologise first ⏤ 'i really am sorry, dollface, you don't deserve from me,'

v. your bluntness is also what shocked him when his initial impression of hufflepuffs were that they were all weak. you proved him wrong though, so soo wrong. some snarky slytherin was making a comment about muggleborns but you were quick to shut their endless rambling with a simple statement. you had been trying to concentrate in class when the slytherin wouldn't stop talking and you just had to say something ⏤ 'some people really like to talk when they really shouldn't, because it's all bullshit' sirius laughed so hard, he laughed through being given a detention

vi. he's right beside you when playing and joking around and if others get offended, he always steps in front of you. he's learned to notice/read aggressive and confrontational body language so he diffuses the situation as much as he can but he just ends up throwing the first punch and you have to pull him away. he doesn't apologise because 'they were going to hurt you and that's never allowed to happen. ever,'

vi. it took a while for sirius to realise that it's the small things that make you happen because he loves being dramatic and extravagant with his gestures. however, when he spontaneously plucks a dainty little daisy from your footpath on a walk together and sirius sees the way your eyes light up and your smile is practically glowing, he changes his strategy for affection really quickly.

viii. you both started as friends and bonded over the fact that you neither of you felt love would ever find you only to have love find both of you through each other ⏤ 'it's quite romantic really...'

xi. honourable mention : i also lowkey ship you with remus lupin. he's all about the small gestures and practically spoils you stupid with them on a daily basis: carries around extra hair ties for you on his wrist, brings snacks for your dogs whenever he visits, memorises your favourite orders at your favourite restaurants, remembers your favourite flowers to buy for you on a random day. he also admires your bluntness, he appreciates it even, especially when it comes to quickly shutting people down who didn't know the amount of bullshit they were talking.

#🧁 : cupcake 1k #☀︎ : 1k milestone #☀︎ : 1k #moot : love

7 notes · View notes

dracowars · 3 years ago

Note

can you do a draco x reader when we do that trend where you thing about someone you love and your pupil becomes bigger etc? ty also no rush! xxx

in your eyes | draco malfoy

pairing: draco x reader

word count: 744

summary: where y/n sees the love in draco's eyes

a/n: i hope i understood this trend right lmao, enjoy <3

warnings: none

universe: harry potter

“That is absolutely stupid, and you know that”, Draco rolls his eyes in annoyance and positions his hands on your waist so he can push you into a more comfortable position for him that does not consist of you lying directly on top of him. Despite all his attempts to pull you down from him, however, you stand firm and cling to his sweater until he finally gives up and looks at you with an annoyed expression.

“I really want to try it, Draco! Please, please, please”, you beg him, placing a few kisses on his cheek to get him to agree. “It does not take long at all. Promise!”

“I will certainly not try any weird muggle games, forget it” he replies and tries one more time to push you away, again without success. Sighing, he gives up, crossing his arms in front of his chest, offended, and looks at you without any emotion on his face. A gentle smile tugs on your lips as you lean closer to him, your faces now only a few inches apart, and bat your eyelashes longingly – a method that has proofed successful many times over the past few years to get him to do what you want.

“No, Y/N. Your batting with your eyelashes will not help.”

“Please, Draco. Only once.”

“No.”

“Wait a second! Are you afraid of it?”

“What?! Of course I am not afraid!”, he defends himself immediately, as if there was no reason at all why he is resisting to do something that muggles have brought into this world.

“Then let me try it. Come on, it will not hurt either!”

“You do not even tell me what it is actually about, so why should I trust you that it will not hurt after all?”

“Because I am your loving girlfriend and tell you so. Now, do not act like that, baby!”

“I am acting completely normal!”

“No, most definitely not.”

“I do! Fine, then try your weird muggle experiment on me, but I warn you”, he finally gives in, exhausted of the bickering, and takes a deep breath as if he had to concentrate very hard. With pleasure, you put your hands on his cheeks, half of your body on top of his, and gently run your fingertips over his eyebrows.

“All right, close your eyes then”, you ask him, but he hesitates for a moment before reluctantly trusting you and closing his beautiful eyes.

“Good. Now think of something pointless. Maybe think of an animal!”, you command him and continue to softly stroke the delicate skin around his eyes. Smiling, you watch as his body relaxes beneath you.

“Are you thinking of an animal?”

“Yes, just like you said.”

“Okay, then open your eyes now.”

As soon as he does, you move a little closer to really see everything. Examining his eyes, you discover that his pupil is quite tiny and narrowed when he opens them, his long eyelashes – that you have been jealous of so many times before - catching your attention for a second.

“And now think of me.”

You have not even uttered the words completely, and you are immediately greeted with your desired result: Draco’s pupil becomes much larger right away, the black almost completely pushing the gray color of his eyes away. Squirming out of joy, you giggle in delight and wrap your arms around his neck before placing a few quick kisses on his lips, although he just looks at you in confusion.

“Based on your exaggerated reaction, I assume that your experiment was a success?”

“Obviously! A complete success!”, you smile and give him another kiss, this time a little longer, before you look at him again, his pupils still huge. “They say that the pupils expand as soon as you think of something, or someone, you love.”

“And you really needed a test for that?! Do you doubt my love for you?”, Draco breathes out in shock, more pretend than real, and in the next moment, when you act as if you had to think very hard about your answer, he is already tickling you, making you laugh out loud.

“N-Never!”, you laugh until he finally pauses, letting you breathe as his body hovers above yours when he looks deep into your own dilated pupils.

“You should have known that I love you more than anything beforehand. And no stupid test can capture how big my love for you is.”

2K notes · View notes

ressjeon · 3 years ago

Text

in this paradise (moodboard teaser)

pairing: survivor!jungkook x fem!reader

summary: In an attempt to escape what's been planned for him, Jungkook hopped on a ship only to face a tragedy that he didn't expect and enter you who somehow couldn't believe to find company in this isolated land. Was this fate or was this just a temporary chance of bliss as a challenge for you both?

rating: 18+

genre: tropical island!au, survivor!au, strangers to lovers, angst, smut, romance & fluff

warnings: some accidents mentioned, lots of teasing, swearing, sexual tension, explicit sexual content, multiple sex scenes (beach, treehouse?, etc.), pet names, skinny dipping, finger sucking, thigh riding, unprotected sex (no condoms in da island peeps), handjob, oral (m. receiving), nipple play, fingering, riding, jk takes it from the back too. (warnings could change)

a/n: this wasn't the first JK fic I planned to post but he was in Summery outfit on Sowoozoo so I had to bump it up among other WIPS 😅. 2 years ago, I got intrigued when I saw the theme song mv of this TV series on my YT dash, the mc has the same name as me and it was Jungkook who first came into when some scenes (4 in exact, including this one) flashed in my mind. The plot is completely different though as I only borrowed some elements of it ♡.

ps. this moodboard was damn hard to make T.T

Check it out here!

― masterlist — navigation ― wips

A sudden ruckus behind your shoulder alerts you immediately, and you turn to see a little movement in the tall grass among the trees.

At last, food.

You’ve been hungry for hours since you wake up so it would be amazing to find something to eat since it's lunch already. Getting into position, you raise one arm up with a spear above your head, the other hand holding up front just in case it attacks you.

Readying yourself as you approach the moving grass, you part them with the other hand but to your surprise, you find a half-naked man in dirty white jeans with dark hair, his doe-eyes staring at you in shock.

"woah, woah, woah" an instant fear crosses his eyes, both of his hands suddenly waving in front in surrender causing him to wince a little, allowing you to spot the wound below his right shoulder so you lower down your arm.

He’s good-looking, add the harsh rays of sunlight looming over him from above to that.

You recover instantly, locking your eyes to his with a death glare as you move your spear in front of you.

“who are you?” you demand, suspicious eyes raking his form as you come nearer to him. He could still be a threat for all you know, best to take precautions.

“jungkook” he pants, reaching out with open palms to shake your hands. He hopes that you'll deem him as harmless by doing so and looks at you pleadingly when you don’t answer him.

“y/n” you respond gently a bit after dropping your spear on the side, feeling a spark when your hand touches his, of how gentle he’s shaking your hand despite the worry in his eyes.

He sighs in relief but pain crosses his handsome face, and he’s wincing even more this time. You manage to catch him before his body reaches the ground.

“my bad” he chuckles while trying to stand up, somehow disregarding that he almost collapsed. You really wonder how he can joke about his situation.

“you’re wounded you know” you scoff, inspecting his wound straightaway.

“yeah but at least you’re here now” he grins and winks at you as he positions himself on your lap, making your eyes roll.

“shut up or i won’t help you” you chide, pulling out the remnants of splinters from his wound with warning and he pouts.

“okay, okay, i’ll behave” he whines as he stays still lying down on his stomach and you’re trying to ignore how you can feel his defined abs on your legs.

“why are you wandering here in the forest while your wound is still fresh?” you ask and Jungkook smiles when he hears the concern in your voice. Ngl, he was shit scared of you earlier, if it weren’t for his wound that’s slowing him down and you’re pretty face he would’ve bolted instantly.

“I was looking for medicinal herbs” he answers, shaking his injured shoulder a little and you smile at this cute antic, okay he’s adorable.

“stop moving” you tsks.

“and what exactly is a beautiful girl like you doing in this forest too?” he questions before you can even answer him right away.

“i was looking for food,” you pause, stating the obvious.

“so that’s why you have a hunting spear with you. where did you even find materials to make it?" he prods, a lot of curiosity in his voice and you smile again, he can’t see you from this angle anyways so it’s good.

“on the shore, a lot of things wash up there” you hum, finishing up the make bandage on his shoulder using the thin jacket that was wrapped on your waist earlier.

You feel him nod and huff a breath like he wants to ask more.

“right, right. how about we search the beach later? maybe we can find more stuff that we can use” he asks as he slowly gets up from your lap, displaying an excited smile and you nod.

“does it hurt?” you ask impassively and he shakes his head.

You help him in standing up, carefully assisting on his elbow for him to not put weight on it and he laughs again. He’s been giddy all this time and you still have no idea why.

"i'm okay" he snorts and you elbow him.

"what's funny?"

You frown, brows scrunching as you eye him with annoyance. As much as you're still wary of him, you’re starting to get confused on how he can make you react this fast in everything that he does.

"you seem so caring now compared to earlier" he teases.

"you needed help, i'm not as heartless as you think" you glare at him and retrieve your spear from the ground.

“your words are actually the opposite of your actions” he continues.

“well, aren’t you an excellent observer” you snicker as you look around to check if you missed anything.

Jungkook on the other hand is just observing how you effortlessly gather your stuff with you. How for some reason, you still look gorgeous with your white mini sundress, a contrast at how tough you look with your tools on you.

"what?" you bark, raising one brow at him and he stops himself from laughing this time. He just shrugs with a playful smile and walks away, urging you to follow him as you both venture into the woods.

“jungkook” you call him, walking beside him now.

“yes?” he questions playfully, not sparing you any glance while looking up at the coconut trees around you.

“you better be taking this seriously after you heal” you huff.

“i already am, i swear! you have no faith in me, im offended” he complains with that fake hurt in his voice and you scowl at him before walking faster, now leading the path instead. He laughs louder this time, following you into some stream or river.

All jokes aside, Jungkook is truly relieved at finding another survivor washing up on the same island as he is. At least he won’t be alone while waiting for rescue anymore, plus you’re hot as hell so this won’t be bad after all.

taglist: @jungkooksbroski

permanent taglist: @bluesharksandfish @taebkyun @sheprocrastinatesalot @iamscharene

251 notes · View notes

duckit7 · 2 years ago

Text

Protector 2

Here is the continuation of the chapter I started last night. I’ll upload these on AO3 later today. Enjoy!

-----

Shock ran down his spine with the sense of free falling. He never hit the ground, though. Instead, thick fingers wrapped around his body with such force that all the air in his lungs escaped in a panicked cry. The hand was like a vice grip as it squeezed the life out of him. “C-can’t b-breath…” He choked out. Liz’s heart dropped into her stomach. The giantess, seeing that she was hurting him, immediately loosened her grip.

“Sorry… I have never held a human before and you scared me pretty good right there…” she said rubbing the back of her neck. She could feel his heart racing against her palm. Liz messed up and she knew it.

The man started to come back to his senses as oxygen made its way back to his brain. That’s when he noticed that he was covered in blood. His racing mind first thought was that it was his blood, but as he moved his hand over the surreal surface of the giantess his eyes picked up on how everything around him was covered in the sticky wet substance. The giantess’s grip on him may have loosened, but fear’s was tightening even further. His mind started to short circuit as terror ripped through his body. “P-p-please, d-d-don’t hurt m-m-me…” he pleaded.

Liz could see that he was frightened out of his mind. That didn’t bother her as much as the smell though. Liz’s stomach started to turn as the smelled grew stronger. “Take it easy. I’m not going to hurt you. My friend told me to protect you and I fully intend to keep that promise. May I help you get back?” she said in a warm voice trying to comfort the small man.

Thankfully her words did not fall upon deaf ears. “N-n-no t-thank you. I-I can w-walk…” the man’s voice shook. His cursed at how hard his heartbeat was pounding against the woman’s hand.

The Liz pinched her nose before running her fingers over her eyebrows. “Look kid. We both know you shouldn’t be walking back alone. Now please relax and let me help you.” She was failing at hiding the annoyance in her voice.

The man’s eyes darted across the Liz’s face trying to gauge if she was telling the truth. They traced the horns that rolled like a ram’s on the side of the giantess’s head before glancing down to her teeth. Even with her mouth closed he could still see the fangs pressing against her lips. The picture of them dripping with blood as she bared her teeth in pain and anger burned into his mind. Her eyes were a slate blue which was odd to him because he thought giants only had green and brown eyes. She was also a lot bigger than any giant he has ever met or even heard of before. Against better judgement the man asked, “What are you?”

The Liz tilted her head to the side as she looked at him with curiosity. “What do you mean?” she asked with interest in her voice.

The man started to steal some of his courage seeing that she wasn’t offended. “Well, you don’t look like any giant that I have seen before. You have horns, blue eyes, fangs, etc… Not to mention you are huge compared to any giant… So…What are you?”

The woman smiled, ensuring that her fangs were hidden behind her lips. “I have no idea.”

The man looked at her and nodded. “I see…” he said as his thoughts raced.

Liz paused for a second before opening her mouth. “Now. I am going to bring you back and I am going to keep you in my hand for your own safety, alright?” She said slowly, looking for his confirmation before moving.

“Why are you even asking me? You can do whatever you want to with me. No matter if I want to do it or not…” the man tried to hide his fear behind the venom in his voice. Liz couldn’t help but smirk as he crossed his arms for emphasis.

The Liz snorted a soft laugh, “You have some sass. I am asking you because I don’t want to do anything against your will. I’m not the monster everyone thinks I am. If you want to walk then walk. I’m going to follow you, though, to make sure you get back ok. I will respect your wishes of me carrying or not carrying you, but I still have the right to walk where I please and to keep a promise to a dead friend. So, I am going to take you back and you will never see me again. How about that?” Sadness creeped into her voice as she talked about her friend.

The man looked at her skeptically. He took a deep breath before letting out a sigh. “I would like to walk please.” He said searching her eyes for any change in emotion.

The giantess nodded with a sigh. “Suit yourself.” she said as she slowly lowered him to the ground.

When her fingers finally uncurled from his chest, the man noticed how sore his ribs were. He winced as he started to walk away from the giantess. His pain didn’t go unnoticed, but Liz chose to say nothing. She watched him wander further from the human civilization. She shook her head knowing he was lost.

“Um… Mister… The way back is the other direction…” Liz said trying to stifle a laugh.

The prince grumbled as he turned around not even looking up at the giantess as he walked past. He hoped that she didn’t see how red his cheeks were.

At first the large footsteps behind him causing the earth to quake scared the living daylights out of him. Soon, though, they became rhythmic and even comforting. He was appreciative that they were a respectable distance from him. The man cursed himself as he flinched for the hundredth time as the forest chattered with life around him. “You are fine… The giant won’t let anything happen to you… She said she wouldn’t… Hopefully she keeps her promise…” the man whispered trying to calm himself down.

Night had fallen hours ago by the time the man smelt smoke from the ceremonial fires. Hope filled his heart as he dashed toward the scent. “I just have to make it a little further” he mumbled to himself, his mind completely forgetting about the giant behind him.

Liz stopped as she saw the small man sprinting towards the edge of the trees. A heavy sigh escaped her as she lowered her body to the ground. Her mind was at war with her heart on if she should stay or leave the man. “I’ll wait to make sure he doesn’t make another reckless decision again…”

----

The gathered crowd anxiously meandered around. The king and queen were doing their best to fight off the thought that their son had perished during the ritual. “He will be fine...” The king said holding his wife at his side. He wasn’t sure if the words were to comfort her or him. The crowd’s attention was pulled to the tree line as ruckus could be heard fast approaching. The king and queen held their breaths as their eyes scanned for any bit of movement.

The man felt tears stream down his face as he broke free from the clutches of the forest. Falling into the warm embrace of his parents. Allowing himself to collapse with exhaustion all his mind could think was that he had made it back. The prince’s mother stroked his back trying to sooth her son.

“What happened?” the king’s voice was filled with worry. “We heard the roar and then nothing. We were about to send in Herk to go save you!”

The prince raised his tired eyes to look up at his father. “Father… He didn’t make it...” his voice filled with pain.

“Who? The giant?” the queen asked in shock.

The prince nodded.

“How did you get back son?” the king asked.

The prince took a deep breath and spoke, “A warrior woman saved me… She was unlike any giant I have ever seen. My giant was about to introduce himself when we heard wolves from the shadows of the forest. Before I knew it we were surrounded by the whole pack… The man fought hard but they were too much for him. In one last sacrifice he covered me with his body to shield me from the onslaught. That’s when she appeared out of nowhere. I could see her through a small space between the man’s arm and body. She was wonderous. Her skill with an axe was unparalleled. Most wolves ran at the sight of her and the ones that didn’t died quick. Then it was just her and I think the alpha. They stared at each other for what felt like forever till the woman sheathed her axes and ran like a berserker towards the wolf. The beast met her and their clash took both of them to the ground in a mess of teeth and limbs. I was for sure the woman was done for, but then I saw her bite down on the beast’s neck and rip its throat out…. I have never seen such a fight before.” The prince paused his story to turned to look into the dark forest.

“Where is she son?” The king asked.

“I don’t know where she went… she was right behind me…” Oliver’s voice trailed off.

The king put a hand on his son’s shoulder. “You are back. That’s all that matters.” He said with a warm smile.

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news your highness, but in order for Prince Oliver to claim his right to your thrown he needs to have a giant. A strong protector for a strong king… If he doesn’t have a giant by his side, then the alliance between the giants and humans becomes void… So either he finds a giant or… You know…” The king’s protector, Herk, said with a solemn voice.

Even shrunken from the treaty water Herk towered over the royal family. His body was hard with experience, but his face was soft and filled with compassion. The crowd had grown silent with the giant’s words. Oliver looked up into his knowing eyes. Nodding his head, Oliver picked himself up and gave his mother and father one last hug before turning back to the forest.

“What are you doing?!” His mother pleaded as she grabbed his arm.

“I’m going to get a giant or die trying.” he said masking his overwhelming fear with a smirk.

The king and queen wanted to plead for him to stay, but they both knew that was out of the question. The country needed their king and their king needed a giant protector. So instead, the king and queen watch their son walk away for what they thought would be the last time.

#The protector #Oliver and Liz #a little fear #g/t #giant/tiny #duck it

15 notes · View notes

virginiavaleenevale · 4 years ago

Note

Hello. Can I ask for fluff on Supernatural? Lucifer and Gabriel start a comic argument on the topic "Who is the most beloved brother of Y/n?" (Y/n is the archangel). They are sure that it is one of them, so they do not consider other candidates. When they finally ask Y/n herself about this, she, after general phrases like "I love you all", etc., answers by hugging the eldest archangel and smiling that it is Michael. Please.

Title: FAVOURITE BROTHER

Word count: 705 words.

Pairing/Characters: archangel!Reader, Lucifer, Gabriel, Michael.

Warnings: none, fluffish and funny.

"Well, clearly I'm her favourite. I'm the funny one, the quirky one, the one with good tricks!"

"Oh please Gabriel, I thaught you all those basic tricks. And also, funny? You? Debatable. Me on the other hand, I'm hilarious and I'm the most loving brother so there's no way she would choose you over me."

"Ah! Now that's a good one, you were right, you ARE hilarious Luci. But come on now, let's be serious, she loves me more."

"Must feel bad being in such denial-"

"What is going on here?"

The two archangels didn't even notice their sister, the subject of their bickering, had approached them while they were distracted arguing. They're faces lit up at the sight of her angelic form, smiles immediately adorning their features. Gabriel was the first to talk with a much calmer and sweeter tone than before

"Oh dear sister, you're here! We were just talking about you maybe you could finally settle this for us-"

"As if this even needs settling. There's no doubt to be settled!"

Lucifer interrupted his brother, his voice light and playful masking his real emotion to their sister, but the angry undertones did non go unnoticed to Gabriel.

"What? Are you scared to know the truth Luci?"

"No, I just happen to already know it and the fact that you have to ask her just proves that, you on the other hand are not so sure."

"Will you two quit with the arguing please? It hurts me to see you so tormented, I'll do whatever I can to solve the situation."

Her voice resonated over theirs and once again the two brothers were mesmerized by their sister, such a pure and loving creature. After a few moments were neither of her brothers said anything she broke the silence.

"Well?"

Lucifer cleared his troath and finally admitted.

"We were arguing about which brother you loved the most, me or him."

She stood there dumbfounded, her gaze moving between the other two archangels. They started to worry when the moment of silence became longer and longer, terrified at the idea that she might be offended but then a giggle erupted from her. The giggle soon became a loud laugh and they looked at each other confused. When she finally managed to catch her breath she spoke.

"Oh you're so silly! Obviously I love you both in the same way! As I love all my brothers."

"But you have to have a favourite one, am I right?"

"Gabriel I don't do preferences, you're all equally special to me. I care for every single one of you deeply and I'd gladly give everything up for you."

The two brothers looked at her mildly shocked.

"Not even a little tiny preference?"

"No, Lucifer."

"What if you had to choose to save only one?"

"I wouldn't be able to make that choice Gabriel."

"Even if we all die if don't make that choice?"

"Well, that's putting it tragically now, isn't it? But I guess... no, I could never choose just one of you. All or nothing."

Gabriel and Lucifer were left silent, still trying to digest her response to the question they were so sure they knew the answer to. Gabriel, finally coming to term with the facts, spoke up.

"Uh... I guess you really don't do favourites."

"Well, I'm glad I made myself clear on that pa-"

The brothers looked at their sister when she stopped talking and saw her eyes wandering behind them, but before they could turn around she called out with a huge smile on her face.

"Michael! You're back!"

She ran towards their older brother and wrapped her hands around him tightly. Michael was quick to hug her back, kissing her head.

"I missed you so much big brother!"

"I missed you too little sister."

"Please please tell me everything that happened during your mission! I wanna know all the details."

"I have to go see Father, but then I'll gladly entertain you little one."

"I'll come with!"

Michael and Lucifer watched the interaction with their mouths hanging open. As their siblings walked away hand in hand they looked back at each other and with the most shocked voices they yelled.

"SHE PREFERS MICHAEL???"

Authors Note: I really hope you liked it! I haven't written anything in such a long time but I really liked your request and words came naturally! I had so much fun, thank you for the request :)

358 notes · View notes

rikusempai · 3 years ago

Text

[MC x Brothers] Pride special!

MC Coming Out to the Brothers

Scenario: Mc coming out to the brothers and the now dateables (+ Luke).

Note: Mc is gender neutral.

Lucifer

You decided to tell Lucifer when you we’re handing in your monthly report for the exchange program

You were really nervous

You didn’t know how how he’ll react

You knew he had soft spot for you so you calmed yourself with that knowledge

Lucifer was a bit shocked when you first came out to him

You caught him off guard

He didn’t see this coming and it took him a second to compose himself

“Oh, thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this about you. I’m happy for you”

Full dad softy mode

He shows a genuine smile and envelope Mc into a loving hug.

He’s so supportive and even more soft for you.

It gives him a sense of pride that you trust him enough to come out to him.

Mammon

“Huh”

Poor demon didn’t understand you the first time

You had to tell them again: “Mammon I’m [_____]”

“O-oh, ok”

This man was caught off guard

He knew he would fully support you in every way imaginable but he was still kinda confused

You would think this immortal idiot would be full of all worldly knowledge but he isn’t

You had to explain it to him, what you were identifying as and what it would mean for your friendship.

I say that because I personally think Mammon wouldn’t know how to treat you, not trying to be disrespectful or anything, but no one ever close to him has “come out” to him.

But once you explain to him he would do his best to return to the usual

He may still act a little weird at first but that’s because he’s never been trusted with information like this

He’s really happy that his human trusts him enough to be so open with him

Mammon will fight anyone who acts disrespectful to you or on purposely calls you by the wrong pronouns.

He’s you’re personally body guard

He thinks your so cool for being yourself and not caring about others opinions about you.

No matter what you identify as you’re still his human and he’s your fist man.

Leviathan

“Ok cool”

You had to explain it to him but Levi already knew a lot about the LGBTQ community due to a lot of people being apart of the community in his online forums as well as in the anime community (*cough* Yuri on ice).

He was well versed in the human worlds many communities because of his own research as well as what he stumbled upon.

You came out to him while you guys were playing video games so he was really nonchalant about it

But in his mind he was running circles

He was trying to put all his lgbtq+ knowledge into one package so he doesn’t mess anything up with you

As your BEST FRIEND he doesn’t want to hurt your feeling or make you feel uncomfortable around him

He wants to be your BEST best friend ever.

Even if you don’t like him in a more than a friend way he’s still glad to have you as his best friend

He loves you

Personal HC: if another demon says something mean to you or talks behind your back YOU BET YOUR DERRIÈRES THIS MAN WILL EITHER ATTACK THEM OR GIVE THEM THE MOST DEADLIEST LOOK IN THE BOOK

He will always be your best friend till the end

Satan

“Oh ”

Like Lucifer this boy is so chill

“Thank you for telling me this, I’m glad that we’re close enough to have these kinds of conversations”

He’d ask you more questions so he could do more proper research

He doesn’t want to accidentally offend you

Books only cover so much information of the human LGBTQ+ history so expect him to ask you questions

He might get a little annoying

But how can you blame this boy

He just wants to be a good friend

Like Luci

He’s really protective of you

(I mean he is the avatar of wrath)

He will straight up POUNSE on any demon who talks shit

He’s your personal body guard

No matter what you identify as he will always love you and will continue to support you through thick in thin

Asmodeus

“Wait really!”

Get ready to be smothered in hugs

“Ahh I’m so happy you told me, you know I’ll always love you sweetie!!”

1000% supportive

I mean this pretty boy is the avatar of lust so of course he’d know all about sexualities, gender identities, etc.

Sleepovers in his room way more frequently

He will want to buy you cute new clothes so you’d feel more yourself

Also not to mention cute clothes to show of to everyone at the Pride Parade

You don’t think there’s a parade in The Devildom? Well you’re wrong

There’s even one up in the Celestial Realm!

You guys are gonna be stunning

He’s always you’re bestie and he’s always there for you to talk to

He’s probably the most understanding out of all his brothers

No matter what he’ll always be there for you

(A/n: author would personally come out to him first before the other boys💕)

Beelzebub

Cute baby boy

“?”

Baby’s confused

He doesn’t really understand but that’s ok because he would love you no matter what

He may ask a lot of questions but ultimately he’ll be really happy for you

He feels special that you decided to come out to him

He’s really happy to be friends with you

Precious boy will never judge you

Wanna go to pride in the human world?

You know he’s knocking on Diavolo’s office door to allow you two to go to the human world

You wanna work on your personal style/look he’s always there to help you ever step of the way (as well as supplying the grim)

Also precious boy doesn’t like seeing others being mean to you

This boy is a gentle giant but not when someone is being a bully

In the long and short 1000/1000 amazing understanding boy

Belphegor

Oh our little edge lord

He can be a little “edgy” but dw he’s still soft for you

“Okay now we need to get to class, I’m gonna miss my 9 am nap”

Bruh

On the outside this man is chill af

But on the inside

Kjlpfjyhssvyabuytwavhywrbjbjmnfdvfsc

will 100% be supportive tho

He loves you no matter what you identify yourself as

He’s just super surprised

Like his other brothers he does ask some questions

I feel like in away he’s kinda like Mammon

In the sense of not knowing what to do and being kind of clueless

But he’s not as awkward about it as Mammon

He’s really chill about it and doesn’t really freak out as much as his other brothers

He’s always a shoulder to lean on (or sleep on) and will always listen to your problems/rants

Masterlist

#obey me #shall we date #mammonobeyme #obey me mc #obey me fluff #obey me asmodeus #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #lucifer obey me #obey me belphegor #obey me beelzebub #pride 2021 #pride month #obey me pride

58 notes · View notes

butterflyinthewell · 4 years ago

Text

Important online safety message to minors.

I’m almost 40. I’ve seen some scary stuff online.

It’s a sad world that someone has to tell you to be more situationally aware of creeps, but I hope this advice helps you be safer online.

🗣

You don’t have to specify your age, but make sure it’s clearly known that you are a minor if an adult engages you online.

If it makes you more comfortable, you can put something on your profile like “I am a minor, 18+ please do not interact.” Add it to your posts too if you have room (it depends on the site). One unfortunate part of Web 2.0 social media is not everyone checks a profile before they retweet / reblog / share someone’s stuff.

If an adult keeps engaging with your stuff and you don’t want them to, it’s okay to block them.

Stay away from spaces adults have marked as nsfw, off-limits to minors or unsafe for minors. Chances are there is material in those spaces that you may not be ready for, or it will shock, offend, frighten, disgust and/or trigger you.

Some adults will pretend to be minors, and unfortunately I don’t know what kind of “tells” give away that they’re lying about their age, but I’m sure someone who knows more about that can reblog this and add that info.

Now, here’s what to do if a creepy adult starts creeping.

If their profile states they’re a MAP or NOMAP, block instantly. MAP / NOMAP means Minor Attracted Person / Non-Offending Minor Attracted Person. These people are pedophiles. Some of them identify themselves with the acronym PEAR or the pear emoji. 🍐 Be wary if you see this in someone’s profile info.

PEAR stands for Pro-Expression Anti-Repression. That’s something you apply to fiction, NOT reality. Fiction can be turned off, flicked off a screen, a book closed or otherwise disengaged from the moment someone doesn’t like it. Real life doesn’t work that way, and don’t trust anyone who claims it does.

It doesn’t matter if a MAP / NOMAP claims they’re getting “help” for their pedophilia or not, they should not be engaging you in any capacity.

If you engage them and discover they’re a MAP, disengage and block.

If an adult sends you anything that is sexually explicit, no matter the form, be it art, fanwork, videos, audio, roleplays, etc, screenshot it for evidence, block that person and tell someone you can trust.

Even nudity that is not sexual (this includes furry art with exposed genitals) should be treated as suspicious if an adult knows you’re a minor and still sends it to you despite being told you’re uncomfortable with it. They might be trying to desensitize you to the sight of nudity so they can show you more and more explicit stuff. Do as above; screenshot, block and report to someone you trust.

+ Part of the grooming process is the adult tries to reach you somewhere private, like DM’s or a messenger app and desensitize you to stimuli you would normally reject by exposing you little by little to it. Think of it as a twisted form of exposure therapy for phobias, but you don’t want this exposure. They want you to get curious and will up the ”intensity” of the explicit material.

The media itself existing is not the problem (unless the adult using it on you made it), the real problem is adult using it specifically to desensitize you into thinking that kind of stuff is okay in the real world. If an adult engages you, shows you media with questionable material in it and tries to tell you “see, it’s okay because it’s being done here” screenshot it, tell them fiction is not the real world and break off contact.

Most creeps stay hidden, so their blog may not contain a trace of anything weird, but when they engage you they send you all kinds of creepy adult stuff. An adult who is engaging you to groom you will use pretty much anything to try to make you think it’s normal and okay for them to do that to you. Remember always that it’s not. Remember the line between fiction and reality.

No adult should be sending a minor any pictures of naked people (or naked furry art with visible genitals) of any age no matter how innocent it seems!!!

If an adult sends you pictures or videos of themselves in their underwear, naked, showing their genitals or showing themselves doing sexually explicit stuff, screenshot the evidence, block them and report it to someone you trust.

If an adult asks you about sex toys or sends you info about them, that is really suspicious. Screencap, block and report to someone you trust.

If an adult asks you questions about your body, like what your hair ‘down there’ looks like, or how you’re developing, or if they ask if you touch your private parts, screenshot the evidence, block the adult and tell someone you trust.

If an adult asks you questions like “do you know what a (something sexual here) is?” or any questions that are sexually explicit or makes you uncomfortable, screenshot that crap, block them and tell someone you trust.

If you’re a creator and an adult tries to commission materials with nudity or sexually explicit stuff, refuse and tell them you’re a minor. If they persist, take screenshots, block them and tell someone you trust.

If an adult sends you violent or gory stuff and you don’t like it, demand that they stop and block them if they don’t. Screenshot anything they say if they keep doing it, and tell someone you trust.

If an adult demands you get on camera for them, do not do it. Screenshot the evidence, block them and tell someone you trust.

If an adult is threatening to reveal secrets you told them unless you do what they say(ie “send me a closeup of your private parts, or I’ll email all our chatlogs and your old naked photos to your whole school”). DON’T DO IT!! Screenshot the evidence, block them and tell someone you trust.

If an adult threatens to hurt themselves if you stop talking to them, stop talking to them anyway. This is especially true if they actually harm themselves and show you pictures or videos of it. That is a classic abuse tactic and it’s not your fault if they hurt themselves. Block them.

If an adult you blocked makes more accounts to keep contacting you, or starts showing up on other sites you visit trying to contact you, screenshot all the evidence and tell someone you trust.

If an adult (or anyone)tries to smear your name because you wouldn’t obey them, use any evidence you have against them in your defense and tell someone you trust about the situation.

If you run a blog talking about your abuse or experiences and an adult engages you to ask uncomfortable probing questions about the details of your trauma / abuse, be very suspicious and block them.

If an adult talks to you like you’re their special friend, or if they say you’re their very special friend, be very suspicious.

Acting like a sole source of kindness is one way an adult can groom a minor. They want you to feel like they are the only source of good that you can trust because they want you to gravitate more and more to them.

If you tell an adult you don’t like it when they swear while talking to you privately and they stop, but gradually start to do it again, be wary! An occasional oopsie slip or typo is one thing, but slipping in swear words when they know it makes you uncomfortable is suspicious. They may be testing your boundaries.

If an adult tries to set up an in person meeting, refuse it and talk to someone you trust about it.

If an adult (or anyone) tries to tell you that you should only trust them and nobody else, expects you to behave a certain way to be accepted, or if they act as if you’ve wronged them for trusting people other than them, that is a huge abuse warning sign. They are not safe to be around and you should break contact immediately.

If an adult compliments you in ways that makes you uncomfortable, break contact. A grown adult should not be telling a minor “you’re sexy” or “you’re hot.”

If an adult makes frequent comments about how mature and grown up they think you are, be suspicious.

If an adult learns you’re trans / non-binary and asks questions about your private parts or whether you plan to get surgery, be suspicious.

If an adult asks if you’re alone at home, say no even if you are.

If an adult asks if they can come visit you, say no.

If an adult asks for your phone number, don’t give it to them, no matter how nice or tempting they may be.

If an adult is making you uncomfortable in any way, it’s okay to block them and disengage.

Do not approach an adult with nsfw stuff you made. If they run across it in public on your blog that’s one thing. Sharing it with them in private can get both of you into trouble. Don’t do it.

🗣

Note: if you, a minor, did any of the above because you didn’t know better at the time, know that you are not a bad person. No adult should take advantage of your youth or innocence to hurt you.

🗣

To adults out there:

Do not approach minors with anything sexually explicit!!! This should not need to be said.

If you send something and find out they’re a minor after the fact, apologize and don’t do it again. If you think it’s proper to avoid any more private contact, do that. If you think breaking all contact period is proper, do that.

Make sure minors know you are over 18, whether it’s somewhere on your profile or tacked onto your posts. Something like “over 18, minors DNI” is helpful. I personally have my year of birth (1980) on my profile because that’s easier than changing a number every year.

You can’t prevent minors who fake their age to see naughty stuff from engaging with your stuff, but you can make it clear that you will not engage them back. And do not engage them. In fact, if you’re worried about that, block them when you discover them.

Private conversations with minors is okay, but make sure you tell them you’re not comfortable talking about something if they mention something sexually explicit. Even if it’s fandom related stuff, keep the conversation away from anything more than talking about characters dating or kissing or whatever.

If something you ship has an underage character, do not talk about it in private with a minor, not even if the character is aged up to adulthood.

Got nsfw stuff on your blog? Tag it that way.

I use “n s f w post” for stuff I want to show up in other related tags, “nsfw post” for reblogs, and “nudity” for nonsexual nudity like mermaids with bare chests or artistic nudes. Those tags are specifically for minors to blacklist or mute. (I don’t usually reblog nsfw artwork, but sometimes I post nsfw fanfics, create nsfw text posts or reblog nsfw text posts / fanfic. If I feel it’s nsfw, I tag it such even if most people don’t think it’s nsfw.)

If it’s fanfiction, I make sure the rating is listed and that it’s nsfw, and I try to warn for triggers as best I can.

If your blog or website features a lot of adult or violent content, mark it 18+ and tell minors to not interact.

If a minor approaches you and tells you a harmless secret, fine, keep it secret. You, the adult, should never approach a minor and tell them you will keep their secrets.

If a minor is expressing a desire to harm themselves or someone else, don’t keep that secret. Tell them to talk to someone they trust irl or put them in contact with a hotline or website where they can get help. Be supportive in talking them down from immediate harm, but do not become their therapist. (It’s tempting, you see a kid in trouble and want to help, but always be careful!)

If a minor tells you they’re being abused by an adult in their life, put them in contact a website or phone number where they can seek help. Be supportive and listen, but don’t become their therapist.

If you run a role play blog, state explicitly that you will not engage in nsfw rps with minors.

If you’re roleplaying with a minor and the story takes a nsfw turn, tell the minor you will not role play a sex scene with them no matter how much they want to. Either fade it to black with a time skip or bail out of the rp.

I say this because I forgot the age of someone I was rping with on AIM a long long loooong time ago and it got explicit, and they got in trouble with their parents for it. Their parents contacted me on AIM without their teen’s knowledge and reamed me out so hard I was scared for weeks. They were right to do so! I told them they were right, apologized profusely and swore to never rp with or speak to their teen on AIM ever again, and they agreed to those terms. I kept that promise. Any contact with that former rp partner was done in public, such as via deviantart comments or LiveJournal comments. It was a major learning experience for me and it stuck because this happened almost 20 years ago.

As an autistic adult I feel more like a kid with all kinds of adult knowledge and privileges (ie can gamble, drink, visit adult places) that most kids don’t have. I relate more to people who are younger than me, but that doesn’t give me the right to assume their level of knowledge or lived experience is equal to mine.

What I’m trying to say is always be aware of the age of the person you’re rping or speaking with!

Do not commission sexually explicit or violent stuff from creators who are minors.

Do not engage with a minor who sends you sexually explicit stuff. Tell them that’s inappropriate or you’re not comfortable with getting that from them.

It’s okay to agree with a minor that an adult celebrity or character they have a crush on is attractive or whatever, but if the celebrity / character is a minor or the minor talks about wanting to have sex with that character / celebrity, tell them that’s not an appropriate topic of conversation because of your ages.

This also applies to them sharing fanworks with you depicting explicit nsfw stuff. Deflect them and tell them it’s not appropriate due to your ages.

Do not ask minor for personal info like their school, phone number or address.

Don’t do any video chats with a minor unless they’re family or it’s a group thing like a Zoom event.

‼️ TAG YOUR STUFF APPOPRIATELY!! YES, EVEN STUFF YOU RESHARE!!

‼️ USE APPROPRIATE WARNINGS!! YES, EVEN STUFF YOU RESHARE!!

#online safety #grooming #abuse #safety #predatory behavior #antis #anti antis #pro shipping #purity culture #fanpol #online grooming #online predators #internet safety #internet grooming #web 2.0 #psa #signal boost #important #MAPS and minors should not interact because its too risky

1K notes · View notes

moiraineswife · 4 years ago

Text

Jasnah - The Facade Meta

Today we’re going to discuss the stormlight of my life, your life, your cat’s life: Jasnah Kholin. Topics of discussion include (but will likely not be limited to): the face she wears, the effect her childhood and what we know if it has had on her, madness, her mother, her perceived invincibility, and whatever else strikes me as relevant in the midst of this chaotic clusterfuck of yelling tarted up as character analysis.

Now. To business:

Let us begin at the beginning (of what we know) and talk about Jasnah’s childhood illness, and what this has done to her in terms of her relationship with her mother, her outlook on life, and her perception of, well, perception…

“It’s your daughter,” Dalinar guessed. “Her lunacy.”

“Jasnah is fine, and recovering. It’s not that.” (OB, 49, Born Unto Light)

Peppered through Dalinar’s flashbacks in Oathbringer are small hints at the dark side of Jasnah’s childhood. We’ve had hints before that Jasnah’s life has not always been...entirely typical for a princess.

Her existence as a radiant was a hint itself, as it's implied most of them are ‘broken’ in some way.

The others are more obvious: Kaladin’s depression, Shallan’s PTSD, anxiety, and DID, Dalinar’s repressed memories, and alcoholism etc,etc.

With Jasnah, you know it has to be there, but it’s harder to see. To use Shallan’s metaphor, she’s like a cracked vase, but the cracked side has been turned to the wall, so the outside world sees only smooth perfection.

This flashback comment is the most obvious indication at what caused Jasnah to break. A fairly shocking one for a reader as 'Jasnah' and 'lunacy' seem to match as well as chasmfiends and tea parties.

It also provides some rather awful context for this segment a few chapters earlier:

“Something stirred deep within her. Glimmers of memory from a dark room, screaming her voice ragged. A childhood illness nobody else seemed to remember, for all it had done to her.

“It had taught her that people she loved could still hurt her.” (O, 47, So Much Is Lost)

We know, given Shallan’s research into Taln at the behest of the Ghostbloods, that the current treatment for madness involves confining the person in darkness.

It seems like far too much of a coincidence that Jasnah, diagnosed with lunacy, would have memories of screaming herself hoarse in a dark room that could somehow be unconnected to this.

Based on my shoddy maths, she was around 11 or 12 at this point, which is marked by many, especially Navani, as a turning point in her life. There was a profound change in how she acted with those around her following this.

“She wouldn’t let me be a mother to her, Dalinar,” Navani said, staring into the distance. “Do you know that? It was almost like . . . like once Jasnah climbed into adolescence, she no longer needed a mother. I would try to get close to her, and there was this coldness, like even being near me reminded her that she had once been a child. What happened to my little girl, so full of questions?” (WoR, 67, Spit and Bile)

It seems like too much of a coincidence, again, to assume that Jasnah’s childhood illness and her confinement had nothing to do with her reluctance to allow Navani to mother her any more.

Jasnah herself reflects that her imprisonment, for lack of a better word, taught her that people she loved could still hurt her. It seems very likely that this refers to Navani and Gavilar, as they would have allowed this treatment to continue. It’s also likely the reason for the change in their relationship afterwards.

Navani's presence didn't remind her she had been a child; it reminded her of what had been done to her.

Navani’s little girl was branded insane and locked away in a dark room with her parents' consent. This removed her ability to trust in Navani to mother and protect her. She kept her distance, she kept herself aloof and removed from everyone, and that’s something that hasn’t changed over twenty years later.

She takes no wards, an expected thing for a woman of her rank. She's unmarried, well past the age she should be. She has no friends, the closest she has are both "pen pals" she communicates with via spanreed.

Jasnah, of all the characters in Stormlight, is the one least emotionally connected. She clearly loves her family, and is devoted to them...But again it's from a distance.

She works in the shadows with assassins to protect them. She studies the end of the world a world away from everyone she loves.

When we see her in Kharbranth for the first time with Shallan, she’s alone.

The servants she uses seem to belong to the Palaneum. She travels alone, she researches and works and bears her burdens alone.

The sole exception is Ivory and she doesn't really have a choice with him BUT to have him with her.

I am NOT suggesting that Jasnah doesn’t actually care about her family/Shallan - we see repeatedly that she absolutely does.

Poignantly, the first thing Renarin’s visions predict that turns out to be false is the lack of love that Jasnah has - they claim she will choose logic and kill her cousin, but she chooses to save him instead.

It’s clear that Jasnah cares very deeply...but she also deliberately distances herself, both physically and emotionally, from other people.

(continued below)

Jasnah is so independent that it’s almost a flaw. She’s an interesting opposite to Kaladin, in this regard.

Kaladin defines himself so much by those around him, his family, his men, those under his care and protection, that that almost becomes a flaw in him. He destroys himself to protect them, and every failure wrecks him.

Jasnah keeps everyone away. She operates alone, in secret, and she clearly struggles to let people get close to her.

The reasons for this are twofold, I feel.

The first one is assassins: Jasnah has been ‘killed’ by one such assassination attempt, has survived another, who made multiple attempts on her life in the form of Kabsal, and has almost certainly experienced more beyond that.

Her casual expectation that Kabsal is trying to use Shallan to get close to her, likely, though she doesn’t say it, to kill her - which turns out to be true.

She knows firsthand how easy it is for someone with enough money and influence to place spies and assassins into a setting- she does it herself all the time. And it resulted in the death of her father.

In a lot of ways, she’s as paranoid about assassination as Elhokar is - she just expresses it in a far more subtle/rational way. Where Elhokar rants and panics, Jasnah blocks up air vents and rejects rooms in the 90000 foot, lost for centuries, tower with balconies because they're a security flaw.

The second reason for her emotional isolation, I believe, is what caused her initial withdrawal from Navani.

Being believed mad, locked in a dark room, screaming for help and being ignored, and knowing that your parents, the people whom you went to with questions and looked to for safety and protection are at least partially responsible, all at the age of eleven is...fairly damaging.

Jasnah hides the effects of her trauma far better than Kaladin or Shallan. This is probably partially because she’s older and has been dealing with it for longer.

By this point, her trauma reactions (which went, by her own admission, unaddressed by her family after what happened, which is traumatising in itself), have melded in with her personality/are brushed off as simply Jasnah being Jasnah.

“I know what people say of me. I should hope that I am not as harsh as some say, though a woman could have far worse than a reputation for sternness. It can serve one well.” (TWoK, 8, Nearer the Flame).

As a matter of fact, we know full well that Jasnah ISN’T as harsh or stern as she’s claimed to be. Shallan repeatedly affirms to Kabsal, and to a reader, that Jasnah is not what she expected - a stern, harsh mistress. She also notes that Jasnah believes herself to be one - likely due to everyone else perceiving her that way.

I think the perception of Jasnah is one that she’s cultivated deliberately - a stern, aloof, even harsh person. Not one anyone would want to be close to. Also not someone anyone would associate with weakness, or needing to be cared for or protected.

More than assassins, I think Jasnah fears people who love her with good intentions, and the ability to assert those good intentions upon her, because it's "for her own good".

When she was a child it led to her imprisonment, something which still triggers traumatic flashbacks over ten years later. She fears having people she loves hurt her. And so she keeps them away, and cultivates for herself a presence that doesn’t need to be cared for, that almost doesn’t need or want to be loved, so that can never happen again.

She rejects, most notably and strongly, her mother, and any implication of a husband. This has led to speculation about her sexuality - maybe she’s gay - though it seems fairly acceptable in Alethkar for a person to be gay (they don’t even have to fill out social reassignment forms!). I

It might be more frowned upon in noble society, due to the expectation of forming political marriages, and while I don’t necessarily doubt it (give me queer Jasnah, Brandon, I beg of you, I’m a starving lesbian and I need this) the only commentary we have from Jasnah on the subject sems to suggest a different, sadder, motive:

Jasnah relaxed visibly. “Yes, well, it did seem a workable solution. I had wondered, however, if you’d be offended.”

“Why on the winds would I be offended?”

“Because of the restriction of freedom implicit in a marriage,” Jasnah said. “And if not that, because the offer was made without consulting you.

[...]

“It doesn’t bother you at all?” Jasnah said. “The idea of being beholden to another, particularly a man?”

“It’s not like I’m being sold into slavery,” Shallan said with a laugh.

“No. I suppose not.” Jasnah shook herself, her poise returning.

(WoR, 1, Santhid).

This is the only time, after an entire book of content in which Jasnah, amongst other things: Soulcasts three men into oblivion, is almost assassinated repeatedly, is betrayed by the first person she’s taken in and trusted in a long time, and is researching the literal end of the world, that Shallan notes Jasnah looking nervous/uncomfortable in discussing anything.

And it’s about marriage.

Jasnah views marriage as being a ‘restriction of freedom’ and finds it distasteful because it encompasses the idea ‘of being beholden to another’.

Anything that even implicitly binds her to another or puts them in her power is something she wants nothing to do with. And, legally, if she were ever to be accused of lunacy again, the two people most likely to have the authority to make a decision on her treatment/send her back to the ardents would be either a parent, or a husband.

The first she’s distanced herself from in pretty much every way since the first event, and the second she’s refused to entertain for years, to the point that high society whispers that she must be gay.

I also think she's uncomfortable because she sees what she did here - setting up a betrothal, which she views as a restriction of freedom - for Shallan, without consulting her, as the same thing that was done to her as a child.

A restriction of freedom for Shallan’s own good. The same justification that was used to imprison her. It's obviously not the same, but Jasnah views marriage as a kind of imprisonment. So in her mind it is.

Jasnah also has huge trust issues. She just covers them with what appears to be personality traits - of being independent, and aloof - but that’s largely just a cover for her own insecurities, and her fear of ever having her freedoms restricted again.

This idea also gives a little bit more of a twist (or dramatic gut punch, thanks Brandon), to her advice to Shallan about perception and power:

“Power is an illusion of perception.”

Shallan frowned.

“Don’t mistake me,” Jasnah continued. “Some kinds of power are real—power to command armies, power to Soulcast. These come into play far less often than you would think. On an individual basis, in most interactions, this thing we call power—authority—exists only as it is perceived.

“You say I have wealth. This is true, but you have also seen that I do not often use it. You say I have authority as the sister of a king. I do. And yet, the men of this ship would treat me exactly the same way if I were a beggar who had convinced them I was the sister to a king. In that case, my authority is not a real thing. It is mere vapors—an illusion. I can create that illusion for them, as can you.” (WoR, 1, Santhid)

Jasnah is talking here with Shallan about being more confident, assertive, and being able to have people do what you want (Something Navani later notes Jasnah is very good at doing).

But I think Jasnah uses this same idea - the power of perception, as a defence mechanism against her trauma, a way to protect herself.

We dismiss her isolation as aloofness. We dismiss her lack of emotional reaction as a cornerstone of the "strong female character" trope. But I think it's deeper than that. Because Jasnah isn't ACTUALLY like that deep down. It's a perception she works very hard to achieve.

Jasnah uses logic in a similar way to how Shallan uses art and drawing, or how Kaladin uses training with the spear. It’s a distraction, a grounding technique, something she can calm herself with. It’s an anchor and a crutch all at the same time.

Jasnah is logical to a fault, to the point that it makes others see her as a monster lacking empathy. I don’t think, at any point in the last few books, we’ve seen Jasnah genuinely distressed/angry/displaying emotion to the point she’d be considered out of control.

Almost all the other POV characters have had moments of weakness/breakdowns/extremely poignant emotional displays. But not Jasnah. All we ever see from Jasnah is the controlled, cultivated perception that she wants us to see. Something which I think is rooted in her trauma.

Logic is the antithesis of lunacy. Rational thought is the direct counter to madness. If the whole world sees Jasnah as logical, utterly in control of herself, if that is the perception she has everyone believe at all times then she can’t be accused of madness again.

Madness, at least in Jasnah’s mind, is an outburst of excessive, uncontrolled emotion. It is the opposite of logic. It’s acting impulsively, without thought, based purely on emotions. Ivory supports this idea:

“Ivory, you think all humans are unstable.”

“Not you,” he said, lifting his chin. “You are like a spren. You think by facts. You change not on simple whims. You are as you are.”

She gave him a flat stare.

“Mostly,” he added. “Mostly. But it is, Jasnah. Compared to other humans, you are practically a stone!” (O, 39, Notes)

Even Ivory, who has been closer to Jasnah in recent years than anyone we know of in the series so far, characterises her this way.

She rejects this idea, telling Ivory that:

“You call me logical,” Jasnah whispered. “It’s untrue, as I let my passions rule me as much as many.” (O, 39, Notes) I think this is true, she does let her passions rule her, but she doesn’t let anyone, even Ivory, see that from her.

That's deliberate. She deliberately makes herself out to be this logic-driven robot, with no feeling or passion.

To the world, Jasnah Kholin is the consummate scholar, the eternally logical thinker, untouched by empathy or feeling. This is how she wants them to think of her.

We know that it’s not true. We know that Jasnah is driven by emotions - her guilt at feeling like she failed Gavilar, her fear for what’s coming for the world, her love for her family, her true passion for scholarship and knowledge.

This is particularly notable when set against a character who exemplifies the opposite in so many ways: Kaladin.

“Yes. The answer is obvious. We need to find the Heralds.”

Kaladin nodded in agreement.

“Then,” Jasnah added, “we need to kill them.”

“What?” Kaladin demanded. “Woman, are you insane?”

“The Stormfather laid it out,” Jasnah said, unperturbed. “The Heralds made a pact. When they died, their souls traveled to Damnation and trapped the spirits of the Voidbringers, preventing them from returning.”

“Yeah. Then the Heralds were tortured until they broke.”

“The Stormfather said their pact was weakened, but did not say it was destroyed,” Jasnah said. “I suggest that we at least see if one of them is willing to return to Damnation. Perhaps they can still prevent the spirits of the enemy from being reborn. It’s either that, or we completely exterminate the parshmen so that the enemy has no hosts.” She met Kaladin’s eyes. “In the face of such an atrocity, I would consider the sacrifice of one or more Heralds to be a small price.”

“Storms!” Kaladin said, standing up straight. “Have you no sympathy?”

“I have plenty, bridgeman. Fortunately, I temper it with logic.” (O, 39, Notes)

Ah, the old ‘punt the Heralds back to Damnation to buy us time’ argument. Lovely.

Jasnah and Kaladin are at two different ends of the sympathy-logic spectrum and it was kind of inevitable they’d clash. But I think it makes Jasnah’s assertions more...Stark and shocking, when she pitches them to Kaladin.

What she suggests IS logical. And it’s actually the same sort of logic that led the Heralds themselves to abandon Taln to Damnation in the first place: “better that one man should suffer than ten.”

It’s a cold, harsh, brutal logic, and it’s very typical of how Jasnah likes to present herself when she’s speaking to others.

The killing of the footpads in Kharbranth is another prime example - it’s all cold, dissected logic when she reasons through it with Shallan afterwards. (Though I imagine if we saw Jasnah’s POV of it in the moment, it would be very different than what she presents).

Because what I find most interesting about the Heralds argument is that we get Jasnah, just Jasnah, away from anyone who has to view her performance of perception, reflecting on the situation. And her internal thoughts/her private reactions are very different from those she displays in public.

“These words trouble you,” he said, stepping up to her again and resting his jet-black fingers on the paper. “Why? You have read many troubling things.”

[...]

Something stirred deep within her. Glimmers of memory from a dark room, screaming her voice ragged. A childhood illness nobody else seemed to remember, for all it had done to her.

It had taught her that people she loved could still hurt her.

“Have you ever wondered how it would feel to lose your sanity, Ivory?”

Ivory nodded. “I have wondered this. How could I not? Considering what the ancient fathers are.”

“You call me logical,” Jasnah whispered. “It’s untrue, as I let my passions rule me as much as many. In my times of peace, however, my mind has always been the one thing I could rely upon.”

Except once.

She shook her head, picking up the paper again. “I fear losing that, Ivory. It terrifies me. How would it have felt, to be these Heralds? To suffer your mind slowly becoming untrustworthy? Are they too far gone to know? Or are there lucid moments, where they strain and sort through memories … trying frantically to decide which are reliable and which are fabrications…”

She shivered. (O, 39, Notes).

In an ironic (fuck you Brandon) twist: I think Jasnah knows EXACTLY what she’s suggesting they do to the Heralds. She’s also probably the person in that room who has the most experience with/has contemplated most what they would be condemning them to, and who therefore empathises with them the most.

It’s STRONGLY implied in this passage that Jasnah has experienced some sort of hallucinations in the past. Possibly this is connected to some kind of neurodivergence. I think this more likely than the alternative - that she was seeing into Shadesmar, because I believe that her imprisonment was what caused her to ‘break’ and enabled her to form her spren bond in the first place. But it’s possible.

Regardless of what’s happened in the past, now, Jasnah’s mind is her sanctuary. If she only ever knows one thing it’s her own mind. She’s a rationalist. She puts her faith in things that she can know intuitively, via logic, like maths - things that exist independently of god, that cannot be doubted. Their truth is tied to their very existence. All that's required to know it is to know her own mind and reason. Losing that is quite literally the worst thing she can think of.

And honestly? Taln’s story probably really fucks with her. Because what he went through is what she went through, too, as a child.

Taln was dismissed as a madman, because no one believed what he said, even though it was true. Truth doesn’t matter; not when it comes to being perceived mad. Nor does being right. Taln was telling the truth. Taln was right. Taln was a goddamn Herald. And they still decided he was mad and locked him away in a dark room, alone, the same way they did to her.

Jasnah knows what that feels like. Jasnah empathises with Taln and the other Heralds more than probably anyone else. But she speaks of condemning these people to that fate, to the greatest hell she can think of, calmly, and rationally. But that’s absolutely not what she really feels/thinks. There is...Such a stark difference, when you really sit and think about it, in the Jasnah that she lets everyone see, and the Jasnah that exists only behind closed doors.

She could see Jasnah’s face, hand against her temple, staring at the pages spread before her. Jasnah’s eyes were haunted, her expression haggard.

This was not the Jasnah that Shallan was accustomed to seeing. The confidence had been overwhelmed by exhaustion, the poise replaced by worry. Jasnah started to write something, but stopped after just a few words. She set down the pen, closing her eyes and massaging her temples. A few dizzy-looking spren, like jets of dust rising into the air, appeared around Jasnah’s head. Exhaustionspren.

Shallan pulled back, suddenly feeling as if she’d intruded upon an intimate moment. Jasnah with her defenses down. (WoR, 6, Terrible Destruction).

The text itself characterises Jasnah’s mask as a defence. A defence against being known, a defence against being seen as anything other than perfectly logical. Having this mask so firmly and so constantly in place is a lot of work. It’s almost a compulsion for her at this point - the refusal to let anyone else in, the strict adherence to logic, regardless of her own feelings or how it makes others see her. Better to be emotionless and in control, utterly, unquestionably sane and rational, than to ever go back to being considered mad.

This, ironically, isn't rational behaviour. It's a trauma response. I'm stating this, the idea that being emotionless/always rational prevents anyone viewing her as insane again (though, again ironically, this is exactly what Kaladin accuses her of being (OUCH)). But I think these are facts in Jasnah's mind? It's her coping mechanism. It's a really bad one. But that's what it is.

As an interesting side note - I think the only time we ever see Jasnah draw emotion spren is when she’s on her own (or assumes she’s on her own, as in this passage, or too exhausted to keep them away entirely - like the single fearspren she draws later in this chapter).

This feels notable because every other character who features in the books, even minor side characters, draws emotion spren of one sort or another at some point in the text.

Jasnah, for all that she’s on screen, draws very little. This may be a function of her ability to tap into Shadesmar, to keep them away, remove any trace of emotion spren from spawning around her. That or she just has such a tight hold on her emotions that she doesn’t draw them.

Either way, I think it’s (another) sign that her behaviour isn’t entirely natural. Spren are everywhere on Roshar, you draw them when you feel a powerful emotion - that’s a natural day-to-day occurrence there.

Unless you’re Jasnah.

Maybe that’s straying a little too far into the realms of what’s reasonable, but I do still think that Jasnah’s output, especially when it contrasts, often very strongly, with her internal feelings, is a coping mechanism/a response to the trauma she endured as a child.

Madness is a fairly strong theme in Stormlight, a few of the characters discuss it/experience it. Syl asks Kaladin fairly directly what it is:

“What is madness?” she asked, sitting with one leg up against her chest, vaporous skirt flickering around her calves and vanishing into mist.

“It’s when men don’t think right,” Kaladin said, glad for the conversation to distract him.

“Men never seem to think right.”

“Madness is worse than normal,” Kaladin said with a smile. “It really just depends on the people around you. How different are you from them? The person that stands out is mad, I guess.” *(TWOK)

Dalinar’s TWOK arc deals very strongly with madness and the ability to trust your own mind. Taln is, as has been noted, locked away for being mad. Several of the Heralds and the Fused are described as mad after what they've been put through. It's something I expect to be explored further as the series progresses.

Jasnah, I think, is the character who tries so hard never to seem that way. Never to be unhinged, or unbalanced, or affected by what's happened to her. But of course we know that she is.

I think, though, that it’s easy to write off Jasnah's trauma. The other characters all have flaws that are very obvious/things that make them obviously ‘broken’ in terms of their spren bond and the oaths they need to speak.

Kaladin suffers from depression, and from crippling guilt, and taking on too much responsibility. But also with his anger, and his hatred towards those who have wronged him, and how that can push him to blame them/avoid responsibility for what’s happened to him. Basically, his inability to let go or move forwards.

Shallan has the opposite problem, and an inability to look back/face the past. She repressed memories of trauma, and wove lies over them to protect herself, which she had to overcome to progress.

Dalinar had his alcoholism, and prior to that, his ‘addiction’ (which I think is absolutely how it’s written/the parallels are pretty obvious) to The Thrill. He had to accept responsibility, and guilt, and grief, and pain. He had to acknowledge that he had been a bad person, who was not worthy of Evi, but also that he’s capable of change, and improving himself, and becoming a better man.

Their trauma responses are loud, and obvious, and messy. They're aware of them, a reader is aware of them, the other characters are aware of them. "They stand out" if you like.

Jasnah does everything she can to ensure the effects of her trauma never stand out. To the point that other characters fairly consistently characterise Jasnah as perfect/an ideal woman.

I’m NOT saying that the text ACTUALLY presents Jasnah as being perfect/without any flaws (that’s...that’s kinda the point of this entire meta) but the characters gloss over these things/her flaws are perceived as good things?

She’s seen as so aloof, so unflappable, so commanding, and in control. She’s highly intelligent, she’s beautiful, she’s a cunning tactician and politician. Shallan claims that she’s almost always right, which Renarin backs up. Dalinar trusts and respects her, and wants her back at the war camps to aid them. She’s a highly revered scholar, respected, and brilliant. She is, in a way, almost beyond human, let alone being flawed or broken like the rest of them.

Jasnah grimaced at the thought. Shallan was always surprised to see visible emotion from her. Emotion was something relatable, something human—and Shallan’s mental image of Jasnah Kholin was of someone almost divine. (WoR, 1, Santhid).

Shallan reflects that seeing her as divine is a weird way to consider a heretic, and we’re kind of led along into that thread. But it’s also very...Othering?

It’s a “positive” kind of othering: she’s divine/superhuman, that’s great! Only it’s...It’s not? It’s so easy to see Jasnah as beyond human, and that makes us forget what she’s endured, and ignore the walls she’s put up and the profound effect that it’s had on her. And the fact that this is not healthy at all.

It's so unhealthy to be put on a pedestal this way. And it's unhealthy to cultivate a persona that makes the only response to you one that sees you as beyond human/without typical human reactions and emotions?

Shallan can be a bit whimsical and can romanticise/idealise people, but even Navani, another deeply scholarly, rational, and logical thinker, categorises Jasnah in a similar way.

She’s dismissive of the idea that Jasnah can have died. Even when others (like Adolin) start getting worried about the ship’s delay, Navani is sure that Jasnah is fine.

Part of this is, I assume, due to the fact that Jasnah is a radiant and, as the Diagram predicts, they survive when they should have been killed - so Navani has had this idea reinforced with empirical evidence over the years, which is noted in the text.

However, when Shallan first brings her the news of Jasnah’s death she refuses to believe it. Even after Shallan tells Navani she watched Jasnah stabbed through the heart, Navani still refers to her as being ‘unconscious’ (which...is actually correct, in this instance) but that is besides my point: regardless of reason or logic, people presume that Jasnah is beyond such mortal, trivial, human things like death:

‘Though Jasnah had been away for some time, her loss was unexpected. I, like many, assumed her to be immortal.’

If she’s beyond death, she’s certainly beyond something like trauma, or being broken, or damaged.

“You’re still human,” Shallan said, reaching across, putting her hand on Navani’s knee. “We can’t all be emotionless chunks of rock like Jasnah.”

Navani smiled. “She sometimes had the empathy of a corpse, didn’t she?”

“Comes from being too brilliant,” Shallan said. “You grow accustomed to everyone else being something of an idiot, trying to keep up with you.”

[...]

How surreal it was to imagine Jasnah as a child being held by a mother. (Wor, 77, Trust).

More ‘othering’, less positive than the divine, but it clearly categorises Jasnah as something other than human, and in this case, it fixates on her lack of (perceived) emotion.

Jasnah has so defined herself by her lack of emotional response to things that even those closest to her -her ward and her mother - view her as emotionless, like a rock, a corpse, dead. Ivory also says this in a previous quote “you are like spren” / “you are practically a stone.” Jasnah is categorised as strong, invulnerable to emotion, beyond human, something other.

Though Jasnah, as she herself admits, makes decisions based on emotion.

For all that she says about pursuing the footpads in Kharbranth as purely an act of logic/civic duty, I think you can sense the emotion in that moment.

“Besides, men like those…” There was something in her voice, an edge Shallan had never heard before.

What was done to you? Shallan wondered with horror. And who did it? (TWOK, 36, The Lesson)

Shallan can sense it. This is the point where Jasnah’s mask is at its most strong. She defends, calmly and rationally, what she had done. But I think at this point Shallan, and the reader, gets the sense that when Jasnah is her MOST logical and composed, she’s also her most vulnerable and emotional.

She does the same thing in the scene with Kaldin discussing the fates of the Heralds - yet we actually see later, not just through Shallan, the emotions, and the turmoil, and the direct, traumatic flashbacks Jasnah is experiencing in that moment. All covered up with logic and reason.

I think what Brandon is doing with Jasnah is really clever. Because I think media has conditioned us to accept these cold, aloof characters.

Characters who have become hardened to the world, and numbed by their experiences with violence and trauma. So we accept these things more readily as personality traits/a symptom of modern media.

I think especially with female characters. The "strong female character" who isn't allowed to cry lest she be called hysterical, who can't react to trauma or she's weak, who can't have an outburst of emotion or she's mad.

With Jasnah, I think Brandon is continuing to show how trauma expresses itself differently in different people. And I think, once explored more directly, Jasnah will become a condemnation of the easy acceptance/idealisation of these kinds of traits. What she’s doing is not okay. It’s not healthy. It’s as self-destructive as what Shallan, or Kaladin, or Dalinar was doing, we've just been conditioned to accept and even praise it.

Jasnah has so much pressure piled upon her to be perfect. She’s made an illusion so believable even those closest to her can’t see through it. She comes across as divine, as something other than human, as emotionless, and absolute. She’s become a constant in the world of those around her. She’s a law of nature more than a person - like a spren.

Except she’s not.

She’s human.

And she’s broken.

And she’s suffering a trauma that makes her afraid to be even a little bit human - because then they might think her mad again, and she’ll lose everything, and she can’t handle that.

I’m FASCINATED to see Jasnah’s interactions (if we get any on-screen) with Taln and Ash. It will probably give a big insight into her character, her relation to madness/her past illness, and I think it will bring out an interesting side of her, which I’m curious to see.

But I'm also really interested to see how Brandon explores the idea of the "ideal traumatised woman' and how that's absolutely bullshit and completely unhealthy.

Jasnah is, on the surface, everything men demand from a "strong female character". She's been exposed to trauma but she doesn't "let it define her" (ie she doesn't seemingly react to it at all). She's beautiful, and she's intelligent, she's a (literal) Queen, she's a fighter/skilled warrior, she's never "overly-emotional" - she reacts to trauma exactly as she's "supposed" to - as defined by men, she's the epitome of a stereotypical "strong female character".

Except there are obvious flaws in that ideal. The first one being: she does not exist for men. Fairly obviously. She point blank refuses a husband.

Also: it's been implied, as per this meta, that this is NOT an ideal anyone should aim for. It's actually very unhealthy and self-destructive and I really, REALLY hope that when Brandon finally digs into Jasnah that this is something he explores.

Jasnah is not perfect. She is not unbreakable, and invincible, and beyond emotion. And she shouldn't be. She shouldn't be idealised.

She's a person. A human being. And she should be able to express herself and process her trauma in a healthy way that allows her to heal and grow. She shouldn't be forced into anyone's ideal of who or what she should be.

I'm just...Really really excited for Jasnah's arc and what Brandon can say through her and the harmful tropes regarding women's trauma he can explore and god...can I just have the next six stormlight books now please?

#Jasnah Kholin #brandon sanderson #the stormlight archive #the way of kings #words of radiance #oathbringer #shallan davar #kaladin stormblessed #dalinar kholin #navani kholin #wheee everyone gets mentioned #i hope this makes some kind of sense??#like it does to me but who tf knows how it comes across to y'all #i considered cutting this up into smaller chunks #but that's just not true to the taryn experience #you get an avalanche of content or radio silence for 3 months #i cannot do a balance #jasnah just fascinates me so much #and in terms of meta/character analysis she's distinctly lacking and it bugs me #i want to do a parallels meta with jasnah and kal too bc i think that would be Interesting #and i think Kal's flaws would be cool to dig into via the lens of Jasnah's perspective/contrast #but we shall see #stormlight meta #my meta #taryn writes meta #taryn writes #text post tag #long post #some day someone on roshar will get therapy and deal with their trauma in a healthy way #today is not that day

404 notes · View notes

tossawary · 4 years ago

Text

Some random favorite lines (with commentary) of Chapter 23: “Swallowing Your Heart” of “pride is not the word I’m looking for” because I’m doing a re-read. Not a full list or full commentary.

Liu Qingge shoves him off his sword.

Plot twist! Betrayal! Shang Qinghua doesn’t have time to get over his shock at such an attack before Liu Qingge has caught the riderless sword in one hand and caught the swordless rider over his shoulder.

The Bai Zhan Peak War God flies on to Qian Cao Peak with his new cargo.

Shang Qinghua slaps the man on the back and wheezes.

“Have you done that move before?!” he demands, because that was so fucking smooth it’s offensive. It really does offend him! He’s super offended right now!

“Mingyan,” Liu Qingge says, like this explains everything. “And Fanli.”

It kind of does explain everything.

AN: That LQG effortlessly manhandled SQH in the same way that he manhandles his sister. This is how LQG shows affection. LMY is not a fan of it either.

“Ming Fan is a good sparring partner,” Binghe says as part of his tirade, like he’s confessing something. “But he needs sooooo many compliments to soothe his pride. ‘Oh, I knocked Shixiong over because he’s such a good teacher! Thank you, Shixiong, for helping me practice this move. Shixiong, I really admire how you don’t let the little things bother you because you’re so confident and skilled.’ I think he’s getting better now, but it’s still tiring sometimes. Uncle, some people really can’t take even a well-meaning criticism without falling apart.”

AN: This conversation was definitely a jab at Shang Qinghua relationship with Mobei-Jun, but it also extends to Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu.

Binghe says that he also heard some Qiong Ding Peak people are here now, but he doesn’t know what they’re doing. Beyond that, not that much has apparently happened while Shang Qinghua was sleeping the day away! Liu Qingge came by, probably to report to his scheming wife, who was yet again totally and embarrassingly correct about Shang Qinghua’s state of being. Chen Xuan, whom Binghe embarrassingly correctly identified as Disciple Dumpling Thief’s Friend, dropped by, but only to say not to worry about the day-in-day-out of An Ding Peak.

AN: Binghe knows Shang Qinghua’s nicknames for his favorite disciples.

Binghe curls up with his arms around and his head resting on Shang Qinghua’s stomach, while Shang Qinghua rubs his protagonist son’s back.

AN: Either of these characters getting unconditional platonic affection is SO UNUSUAL that it hurts. People need hugs at all ages!

The kindest option here might be the demon lord coming back sometime in the next few days and pretending the entire interaction never happened. Shang Qinghua will tell the man that it was a human thing, some kind of nervous fit, and beg forgiveness for his lapse in presentation! Well, he probably should, except… he doesn’t really want to do that. He doesn’t really want to go, “My king, my apologies for the mess! Let me, ah, let me just swallow all of those words I threw out there, just chew them back up, gulp them down into some vital organ to rot there forever, so we can never talk about them ever again.”

Mobei-Jun seems to still be his Mobei-Jun, looking at that confrontation in hindsight, and not… not any other Mobei-Jun. People in general seem to have stayed the same, besides Peerless Cucumber being fitted into the picture as some mysterious intruder. All those years of service and loyalty and companionship Shang Qinghua remembers with Mobei-Jun haven’t vanished on him. “All current achievements have been preserved” and all that!

So, part of him wants to go, “So! Those things I said! What about them, huh? Do you have anything to say to any of that, my king? Anything at all?”

AN: Shang Qinghua wants to OPEN UP and he can’t make himself take that step when his nephew’s life is on the line. MBJ has not made himself explicitly safe yet. Unspoken understandings can only go so far here.

“Was it something really bad?” Luo Fanli presses, leaning back along his desk until she’s practically lying down on it.

Not in a sexy pose or anything, just in a put-upon flop, kind of like a tired child finding the oasis of a department store furniture display during a too-long shopping trip or a toddler denied candy pouting on the floor of the grocery store. His little sister-in-law is not greatly concerned with dignity, much to her sister’s dismay and the eternal frustration of Qi Qingqi. She says life is too short for it.

“No one died.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, it means that everyone lived through it,” Shang Qinghua explains.

AN: Shang Qinghua’s relationship with Luo Fanli is fun. I’m looking forward to putting Luo Fanli in a room with Shen Yuan. SY needs friends. Luo Fanli @ Shen Yuan: “Idk, he’s a weirdo, but he’s uncle-shaped, right?”

Except when Shang Qinghua opens the soup container, it’s still completely full. None of his disciples - who are very, very good at acting like they’ve never been fed ever in their life - have helped themselves to even a taste. It’s a big pot! There’s plenty to go around! More than Shang Qinghua could reasonably eat by himself! And yet…

His disciples have been way too nice to him lately. He feels like he should be checking his pockets for whatever they stole from him when he wasn’t looking. Did the System replace his bratty disciples with good alternate universe ones?! He hates it, thanks!

AN: This is SUCH a low standard... and yet...! It’s very funny to me how much his disciples not stealing food from a sick man says here.

SQH: “Why are all my disciples such sticky-fingered brats?!”

LJH: “Because you think it’s funny.”

SQH: “Oh, yeah.”

Wow, Peerless Cucumber doesn’t seem pleased to see him! Shang Qinghua hasn’t suffered a glare that venomous since… well, Shen Qingqiu, maybe? Okay, so maybe the switch would have worked a little bit! But Shang Qinghua is still glad it didn’t happen, even if the System fucked up the rest of reality (somehow, Shang Qinghua still hasn’t figured out how exactly) out of revenge for its own shitty choices falling through.

“Where have you been?” Peerless Cucumber demands.

“Busy?” Shang Qinghua answers, coming closer but not sitting down. “Look, the System just rewrote bits of reality on me because of your fumbled arrival tipping some invisible scales and it has not been forthcoming about the changes. I had things to check on and things have been a bit political. I sent you a message.”

“That message said a lot of nothing,” Peerless Cucumber says, but with less venom.

“Aha, yeah. Well, I’m here now.”

Peerless Cucumber looks frustrated, but finally scoots over so that Shang Qinghua can sit beside him on the bench. Shang Qinghua gingerly sits, giving the kid space.

Shang Qinghua is being super calm for the other transmigrator right now! He’s very calm here! The calmest!

AN: SY really is a scared kid putting up a front. Which works out, because SQH is a dad here (and thinks SY’s insults are mostly just funny).

Out of the corner of his eye, Shang Qinghua can see a Qian Cao Peak cultivator standing impatiently by the Qiong Ding Peak guard. And… someone bouncing on their toes in a Qing Jing Peak uniform? Speak of the half-demon future tyrant of this world!

“Looks like we’ll have to continue this later,” Shang Qinghua says.

“My assisted meditation appointment,” Peerless Cucumber confirms glumly, looking as though he’s never experienced inner peace in his life and has no intention of willingly doing so.

AN: I took SY as genuinely having a knack for cultivating and that’s the interpretation I’m using for this fic, especially since I gave the Original Shen Qingqiu health problems that nearly killed him. In an earlier chapter, Mu Qingfang mentions needing to “replace Shen Qingqiu’s entire cultivation system”, which I planted for Shen Yuan getting a free, extremely stable highly developed cultivation system as part of his transmigration later.

I mean, Shen Yuan manages to weather Liu Qingge’s qi deviation, a great deal of stress, Without-A-Cure, and etc., and he’s remarkably stable through most of it. So I’m leaning towards “a little bit of System assistance” here. The System was going to replace both Shen Qingqiu and SQQ’s unstable cultivation system out for Shen Yuan and a more stable cultivation system.

SQQ still has a cultivation system. If he didn’t, it would have been mentioned by now. SQQ is repeatedly stated to be improving well in this chapter. I think Mu Qingfang would have noticed if SQQ didn’t have cultivation anymore.

“Then wouldn’t you be Luo-Shixiong to me?” Peerless Cucumber suggests wryly to the protagonist, who is both about five years younger than him and still shorter. (Mu Qingfang said that their guest seems to believe that he’s newly twenty. Whether or not the kid is editing his age up or down, Shang Qinghua has decided that he’s just not going to fucking think about this fact.)

“Uh,” Luo Binghe says, looking stunned and then to Shang Qinghua for help. Ha, he’s flustered, which doesn’t happen often. That’s adorable.. “...Maybe?”

Shang Qinghua snorts and remains unhelpful. Ning Yingying is actually about a year younger than Luo Binghe is, Shang Qinghua knows, but she’s been a member of the sect for significantly longer. Binghe might have some shidi and shimei soon with the next entrance test and he’s been very excited about that, but he clearly doesn’t know what to do with a “shidi” closer to his young auntie’s age than his own. Kind of weird seniors and juniors are just part of the sect experience, nephew! Get used to it!

“Thank you, regardless,” Peerless Cucumber says.

“Of course,” Binghe agrees quickly.

AN: SQH is probably going to look back on this moment and go, “Hmm.”

‘You’re very resourceful,” his sister-in-law says slyly.

“I am very resourceful,” Shang Qinghua allows, and in a fit of affection reaches up to pinch Luo Jiahui’s cheek like she’s Binghe. “And I have the world’s wisest and least bossy sister-in-law, too! How fortunate I am!”

Luo Jiahui slaps his hand away with a giggle, turning slightly pink.

“At least you know it!” she says.

AN: I’ve been wanting to make SQH pinch someone’s cheek for ages now.

“...You looked very scared that night,” Luo Jiahui says finally. “It might have seemed worse to you than it was. If your demon can’t be understanding of one bad night, then it’s… I don’t know if there’s a way forward with him at all.” She fixes a determined expression and says, “If any offers are retracted then we’ll manage just fine without him. We’ll tell Qingge and he’ll help. And so will Fanli. Our family won’t fall apart so easily. Hua-Ge doesn’t have to take care of everything and be everything at once to everyone.”

AN: LJH channeling some “dump him! dump him! dump him!” energy.

Shang Qinghua has never been able to picture cutting ties after all this time. What would he even say? “My king, I think our arrangement has come to an end. I promised to serve you for the rest of my life, but that was when I didn’t think my life was worth very much.” He can’t see that going over well! It’s never really been an option, anyway, since Luo Binghe can’t not unlock his demonic powers and go to the Demon Realm. The System won’t have it.

AN: If SQH said that to MBJ, that would be a one-hit KO, probably.

Break the man’s heart, why don’t you?

#tossawary svsss #pride is not the word #tossawary commentary

49 notes · View notes

softrenjunnie · 5 years ago

Text

reunion ☀

pairing : lee donghyuck x reader

genre : fluff, a little angst in the beginning perhaps? college!au, nonidol!au, kinda soulmate!au?

word count : 4.2k

warnings : a few swearwords and mentions of sex, alcohol & fights but it’s mostly just fluff !!

You always believed that you and Donghyuck weren’t just best friends. You were soulmates. You two had a deeper connection than you’ve ever had with anyone else. You didn’t even feel this way about your own parents.

You two met in first grade, in the sandpit in the playground at school. You had been crying because a classmate of yours had just kicked down your sandcastle, when Donghyuck suddenly appeared. You looked up at him standing next to you with tears in your eyes, and he patted your head. For some reason, this is what his elderly cousin used to do to him when he was sad, so he had it in his system to just pat someone’s head when they were sad. You didn’t know why, but it did actually cheer you up. This came to be the start of the wonderful relationship between you two. Because after this day, you two always sat together at lunch, and you always paired up with each other in class whenever you had the chance. You became almost inseparable.

A couple of years later, at your classmate Jaemin’s birthday party in 6th grade, the two of you shared your first kiss. It was during a round of truth or dare, in which Donghyuck was dared to kiss the cutest girl in the room. It was nothing more than an awkward peck and it lasted for less than a second, but it was clearly enough for all the 11-12-year-olds to break out in giggles (and your and Donghyuck’s faces to instantly redden). Afterwards, he told you that he only picked you because the other girls were, in his own words, yucky. You tried your best not to be offended by how your best friend had just said that he didn’t find you cute - but at the same time, neither you nor he really understood the depth of his actions back then.

But the next time he kissed you, you did understand. It was during one of your sleepovers at his house, a few days before your graduation from your junior year in high school, that he suddenly had looked into your eyes with his soft ones and asked if he could kiss you. And you had been so stunned that you couldn’t even use your words, but you nodded and smiled at him. He smiled back at you before leaning in slowly to meet your lips with his. It was definitely less awkward than the one at Jaemin’s party - and it meant a lot more. During all these years, you had been beginning feeling so much for this boy and you weren’t sure until now exactly what all those feelings meant. You thought you only liked him as a friend, but oh how wrong you had been.

You loved him. Deeply. And you had for long before that kiss. Therefore, it was never weird for you two to tell the other that you loved them. And maybe that was why it felt like you had dated for an eternity when you had only been going out for a couple of months.

You two barely ever fought, and when you did, you often made up the same day. You two understood each other and the other’s feelings so well that you almost never needed to go further than a small argument. Everything always got solved, no matter how big the problem was. That’s why most of your friends were confused when you broke up.

It was in your senior year of high school. You had both applied for a college in Incheon and had talked a lot about attending it together. So it was hard for you to understand when Donghyuck suddenly said that he had been accepted into a school in Busan, and was planning to attend it. It came to you as a shock, but you were willing to see past it and try to focus on having a long-distance relationship. But that apparently wasn’t what he wanted.

Tears were forming in your (as well as Donghyuck’s) eyes as he told you that he wanted to set you free, that he didn’t want you to wait for him. He thought that it would be too hard for you both to have such distance between you; he didn’t think he’d be able to handle it, and he didn’t want you not to stay waiting for him, keeping yourself from meeting someone new who could bring you happiness.

It had left you heartbroken, it really had. Your friends asked about your breakup and wondered why you couldn’t keep dating, because they thought that if anyone were to pull off long-distance, it would be you two.

But you actually thought Donghyuck had a point, even though it hurt. Heck, it stung like crazy! You agreed on the fact that it would be hard to stay away from each other, and it would be hard having to go to bed every night longing for each other. But it upset you. You were so upset that you didn’t even know what to do. You had never felt like this before. You weren’t just losing your boyfriend; you were losing your best friend. Your soulmate.

You two didn’t talk at all from the day of your breakup to your graduation day. Donghyuck saw how broken you were, but he felt like he couldn’t fix it. But on your graduation day, as everyone in your class was saying their farewells, Donghyuck pulled you aside. He hugged you so tightly, and you relaxed into his arms, thinking about how this would be the last time you’d hug him in a long while.

Resting his head against yours, he softly whispered to you. “I love you, and I always will.”

“I love you too, Hyuck.”

“You know that saying, right?” He asked as he pulled away to look right into your eyes, while still holding you in his arms. “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it was meant to be.”

“Then I hope I’ll see you again.” You had both smiled at each other before parting ways.

Now, you didn’t attend that school in Incheon you both had talked about. You had also gotten accepted to a school in Seoul, which your parents had recommended for you, so that’s where you went. It had turned out to be a really good choice; the teachers were amazing and you had made a lot of new friends. You also fancied the campus life which you were now experiencing, and you liked living in the dorms. You had a wonderfully sweet roommate, Yewon, who you quickly became very good friends with. She was a year older than you were, so she “taught” you everything you needed to know about parties, frat houses, etc.

Everything went on smoothly. Sure, half of your freshman year you were still sulking about Donghyuck, but after that, you were able to relax. You had a couple of make-out-sessions through your freshman and sophomore years, and even a few hookups, but you never had a real boyfriend, as none of the boys on campus really fit your style - but now, looking back, it might have been because your standards were set too high after Donghyuck. You were unconsciously looking for the same kind of connection to someone as the one you’d felt with him. And that was hard.

You had pretty much forgotten about him when your junior year began. You hadn’t seen him for over a year, and sure, he had broken your heart - but you weren’t as sad about it anymore. You could think about him and even discuss him with your friends without crying. You were over him.

Or, well, at least that’s what you thought.

Until you one day, at the beginning of your junior year, when you were walking back towards your dorm after having a talk with one of your teachers in another school building. That’s when you saw someone walking a couple of meters ahead of you, towards the front office. A boy with dark, brown hair and golden skin, and you knew it could only mean one thing.

“Hyuck?” You said under your breath. “Hyuck!” Your mouth was yelling his name across campus before you could even control your impulses, and you regretted it as soon as the name had left your mouth.

But when he looked over towards you, and you saw how his eyes lit up when he recognized you, you suddenly didn’t regret it anymore.

You both hurried to get closer, and before you could even realize what was happening, you both had thrown yourselves at each other in a big hug.

It was as if nothing had changed. It was as if you two were still back in high school and no time had passed. You were just as happy to be in his arms as you’d been back in the days.

“Oh my god, what are you doing here?!” you exclaimed as you pulled away from the hug.

“I should be asking you the same question,” he said back, a grin appearing on his face.

“Well, I decided to go here instead of Incheon. It felt...” You stopped to search for words. “Better in some way, you know?” He nodded. “Now it’s your turn! Why are you here?”

“I guess you could say I... got kicked out...” He looked down as his voice grew smaller.

“You- what? Really?”

He looked up at you again and shrugged, placing his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. “I don’t regret it though.”

“How- What-“ You were so in shock that you could barely even speak. The Donghyuck you knew wouldn’t hurt even the smallest insect, he was always such a sweet boy and would never do anything that could get him kicked out of school. Even back in first grade, he tried his best to take care of you even though you didn’t know each other. Was this even the same person? “How do you get kicked out and then not regret it?”

He took his phone out of his back pocket, checking his time, before looking behind him towards the front office. “I actually am in a bit of a rush, but... Do you want to catch up over a coffee? I heard there’s a great cafe here on campus.”

“Yeah, sure! It’s right there,” you said and pointed over at the cafe building. “See you there in 10?” You nodded and he smiled at you, before turning around and walking away.

You stood still in your spot for a couple of moments, just trying to calm your now rapidly beating heart. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, trying to pull yourself together.

Did you just meet him again? After all this time? After all that has happened?

But since you were standing there, eyes shut while waiting for your heart to slow down, you couldn’t see how Donghyuck turned around in his tracks and looked back at you, a smile seeking its way upon his lips and a small blush spreading across his cheeks.

Just a couple of moments later, you opened your eyes and quickly walked towards your dorm room, practically throwing yourself through the door. “Why are you so out of breath?” Yewon said from her place on her bed. “Did you run here?”

“No, it’s just... I’m just...” You took a deep breath. “I just met Donghyuck.”

She looked up from the physics book in front of her on the bed. “The Donghyuck?” You nodded. She looked like she didn’t believe her ears.

You had spent hours after hours talking to her about Donghyuck. Mostly about how much you loved, or maybe I should say still love, him. She knew about how much you missed him, and how much it had hurt to leave him. So, of course, she was curious about this new situation.

“What is he doing here?”

“I think he’s transferring here,” you said, taking off your shoes and walking over to sit down on your bed.

“Why?”

“Not sure, he’s gonna tell me when we meet up in about five minutes.” You laid back into your soft sheets, trying to calm your mind a bit.

“You’re seeing him in five minutes? What are you doing, we need to get you dressed up in something cute and-“

You laughed, cutting her off. “No no, there’s no need to change, we’re just getting a coffee. Besides...” You sat up in the bed and threw a glance at yourself through the full-body mirror across the room. “Isn’t this outfit kind of cute?”

“It seems like we have different definitions of the word cute...” she mumbled and you shook your head, leaning back onto your bed again. Yewon stood up and grabbed her coat by the door, taking on her shoes. “So, I think I’ll be spending the night in Renjun’s room tonight... in case you feel like-”

“IT’S JUST A COFFEE!” you groaned at her before she could even finish her sentence, making her laugh. With a grin on your lips, you waved goodbye to her and she exited the room.

You stayed in your room for the next couple of minutes, trying to take your mind off the whole situation so that you wouldn’t get too nervous. But soon, it was time for you to head out of the room again and get going to the cafe.

When you arrived, Donghyuck was already standing by the entrance, leaning on the wall next to the door.

When you met him a couple of minutes ago, you were too shook by the whole situation to take a look at him. But now you could. He was wearing a black bomber jacket over a black hoodie, with a white T-shirt sticking out from under it. And his dark brown hair looked like he hadn’t put a lot of effort into it, but at the same time, it looked perfect. You felt goosebumps growing on your skin and your cheeks beginning to redden by just looking at him. You weren’t aware until now that he still, to this day had this effect on you. And it kind of... scared you? Made you nervous?

But when he looked up from his phone, caught you in his eyes and smiled, you smiled back, and it made you forget about all that you’d been feeling these last few moments.

He put down his phone in his pocket and stood up more properly as you walked closer. “Hi again,” he rejoiced. “Do you go here often?”

“Well, considering the fact that the cafeteria’s coffee tastes like trash and I’m still as big of a procrastinator as I was in high school...” you started. “I guess you could say I’ve had a couple of night-before-big-exam-coffees here.”

He grinned, shaking his head. “You’re crazy.” You stuck out your tongue at him, opening the door and walking inside.

The cafe was emptier than usual. Only a few tables were taken, mostly by lovestruck couples. You assumed it was because the semester hadn’t even started yet - in just a few weeks, it probably would be full to the brim with studying freshmen and tired seniors.

By the counter stood Chenle, one of your friends from your math class. “Hey Y/N!” he cheered and you greeted him back as you and Donghyuck walked over to him. “Who’s this?” He pointed over at the boy standing next to you.

“This is Donghyuck, my...” Then you grew quiet. You weren’t sure how to address him. Your friend? Too weak. Your best friend? Weird, considering how you haven’t spoken in two years. Your ex-boyfriend? Too awkward. Your soulmate? Waaaaay too strong.

“I’ll have a strawberry frappuccino, thank you.” You didn’t like it when people interrupted you - but this time, you were actually glad he said something to cover up this awkward silence.

“And the usual for me, please,” you said and shot him a smile.

“Sure. Anything else?” Chenle asked.

“No, thank you.”

You both paid and got your drinks. You waved goodbye to Chenle and then sat down at a table by the window. You looked over at Donghyuck, who was already drinking from his cup.

You grinned at him. “A strawberry frappuccino. Typical, typical Donghyuck.”

“What? You know I don’t like the caffeine kicks...” He pouted and you stuck out your tongue at him. “How about you? Still only drinking espresso macchiatos?”

You nodded, taking a sip. “But I upgraded from just a single shot of espresso to two.”

“Wow, you’ve really changed!” he said ironically while laughing and you rolled your eyes.

“Now, what’s going on? Are you transferring here?”

He nodded, drinking some more of his drink. “I sure am.”

You weren’t sure if this was good or bad. You two weren’t on awkward terms with each other, it seemed, but how were you two going to act around each other in the future? What would be your relationship? Would you only be friends? You had been so inseparable when you were younger but you weren’t sure if you could just go back to the way things were.

“I can’t believe you got kicked out from the school in Busan, what did you even do?”

“Well, um...” He sighed, his eyes wandering across the room nervously. “You know Lee Mark? The guy one year above us when we went to high school?” You nodded. “Well, he was dating one of my friends, Yeji. Soon, he started cheating on her with multiple girls, and when she found out she instantly broke up with him. Then one day, like a week ago? I went to a party in a dorm room, and I was talking to Yeji when he came up behind her and started hugging her, whispering stuff in her ear. She tried to push him off, but then...” He shut his eyes. “He started touching her. Her butt, her...” He took a deep breath and opened his eyes again, looking at you. “I had to do something. So I hit him straight in his face.”

“You did what now?!” He grimaced. “Are you serious?!”

“Completely.” You had to cover your mouth because it was hanging open due to the shock. “I didn’t know what to do, I had to do something. Maybe this wasn’t the best way to go but... I couldn’t control the impulse.“ Donghyuck wasn’t usually the type to not be able to control his impulses. He usually thought everything through properly before doing anything - but that was the Donghyuck you knew back in the days. Maybe he’d changed now. “Mark hit me back, though if I may say so, it wasn’t very hard.” You scoffed, shaking your head at the fact that he had the audacity to say that at this moment. “So I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him backward, making him fall into a table with some glasses and vodka bottles. It was like I was seeing red, I was going crazy. So I just walked out of the room, trying to calm down.”

“So then you were kicked out?”

He took another sip of his drink and nodded. “The teachers found out about a fight on campus, and they kicked us both out immediately.”

You chuckled. “Wow. Lee Donghyuck in a fight, huh? If someone had told me in high school that you’d be in a fistfight in college, I wouldn’t believe it.” He smiled. “Neither would I. But shit happens, you know?”

You nodded. “At the same time as it was stupid of you, it was also kind of... good.” He raised his eyebrow, drinking some more. “You did the right thing. You protected a friend, and that’s worth a lot.”

“Thank you for understanding,” he snickered, a grin forming on his lips. You two continued discussing the years apart, talking about how you’ve been and how school’s been. But after a while, the question you’d both been waiting for finally arrived.

“So...” he started. “Have you been seeing someone?”

You went quiet for a couple of moments, pretending like you had to think about it. “Nothing serious, no.” You leaned back in your chair. “A couple of dates here and there, sure. But nothing deeper. You?”

“Same here. I had a girlfriend for like, what? A week?” You sneered. “But then I realized that the relationship was empty. Like, we had nothing in common, nothing to talk about, no reason to stay together.” You nodded, understanding his situation.

Then followed a moment of silence, before he dared to speak up again.

“Have you... you know...” Donghyuck thought the small wiggle of his eyebrows would be explaining enough, but apparently not, since a big confused look was plastered on your face now. He groaned, pulling a hand through his hand. “Have you had sex with anyone?”

“Donghyuck!”

“What? It’s not like we haven’t had sex. It’s not that sensitive of a subject, is it?” he questioned and you pulled your hands up to cover reddening cheeks.

“It’s still a... weird thing to ask like this, in the middle of a cafe, isn’t it?” He shrugged and you rolled your eyes, not believing the situation.

“I honestly don’t think it’s that weird, but if you really don’t want to share-“

“No, it’s not that. I was just taken back a bit,” you said, cutting him off. “Yes, I’ve had sex. Is that all?”

“Was it any good?” You glared at him and he chuckled at your expression. “I mean, I know it can’t have been as good as it was with me, I’m-”

“Were you always this cocky?” He let out a laugh, shaking his head.

“New school, new Donghyuck, I guess.”

“But you haven’t stopped drinking that strawberry frappuccino since middle school, so how new of a Donghyuck is this really?”

A moment of silence followed and you could see how hard he was thinking for a good comeback, but nothing came out of his mouth that was hanging slightly open. Then it turned into a grin and he scoffed. “I guess that’s the exception that proves the rule.”

You two continued hanging out at the cafe for over an hour, just talking and catching up on what you’d been through these past years. Time flew by so quickly that all of the sudden there was a sunset right outside the window, so Donghyuck suggested that you could go out for a stroll. So soon, you were walking around the area near campus, you giving him a little tour of the neighborhood so that he’d get a proper introduction to the place. And when you passed your favorite Italian restaurant and you told him about how wonderful their pasta dishes were, Donghyuck almost begged for you two to stop for dinner, and how do you say no to his cute puppy eyes?

After a lengthy but very enjoyable meal, Donghyuck insisted on walking you to your dorm room, even though it was on the other side of campus from his own. And when finally there, a farewell-hug turned into a sweet kiss to your forehead and a whisper of “sleep well”, but right when he was about to turn away and walk to his own room, and he spotted the slight blush of your cheeks and smile tugging on your lips, he couldn’t hold himself anymore. He placed a hand on your cheek, cupping it softly, before leaning in and touching his lips against yours.

It was nothing more than just a quick peck, and when he pulled away, his eyes insecurely scanned yours for any sign of doubt. But there was none.

You grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him in for another kiss. And another. And another. You eventually giggled into the kisses, feeling him smile against your lips. He pulled away from you slowly, but stayed close enough for his nose to lightly touch yours and close enough for you to feel his breath tickling on your face.

“I never managed to forget about you,” he murmured. “I still like you.”

You shook your head, smiling. This felt surreal to you. Was this even real? You moved your hand to his cheek, caressing it and stroking your thumb against it. “Same for me.”

He kissed you again. But this kiss was different than the ones before. This kiss had so much more passion, almost making you a bit dizzy. Your lips melted against each other’s like they always did, making you weak in your knees. You threw your arms around the back of his neck, holding you close to him while deepening the kiss even further. As the kisses started getting quicker and more heated, he pushed you up against the door and started tracing his plump lips down your neck instead. With your fingers in his hair, you tried your best to control yourself and not make any sounds, other than letting out loud sighs every now and then. But eventually, you couldn’t take it anymore, so you spoke up.

“My roommate isn’t in, do you want to maybe-”

Before you could even finish your sentence, he pulled away and nodded quickly, pulling the door open and dragging you with him inside.

378 notes · View notes