#i am the least confrontational person and i actually stepped out to tell them to quiet down because i have to be up at 5

[abowlofpetuniasandawhale]

It is past midnight why are there small children squealing and screaming in the street right outside my window right now??????

[mimimui]

hellooo i saw your 'genshin men asking for a kiss' and i loved it sm your writing is amazing <333

can i request relationship headcanons for the genshin men. specifically alhaitham but idm who else you add

stay cool and have a good day/night :)

genshin boys as your boyfriend

includes: alhaitham, scaramouche, kazuha, diluc, kaeya, childe, xiao

tags: established relationship, endearments, fluff, not proofread, non-mortal/adeptus reader in xiao's

a/n: thank you so much ♡⸜(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)⸝♡ aaaah i am back after being mia..! the writers block is beating me up so hard rn + its 3am :') i wrote each part in different time frames so the writing might seem inconsistent aghuahgu i hope its still ok :( anyways, as always .. enjoy !

ALHAITHAM

he asked you to be his s/o while you were playing tcg together. you were in the middle of your turn when he asked you, and it'd be an understatement to say you were shocked.

(y/n): i'll use this support ca- alhaitham: will you be my s/o? (y/n): what? (shocked) alhaitham: what? (questioning)

while alhaitham is a bit aloof, he does loves teasing you. he would hide your things and help you look for the lost item like he doesn't know where it is.

when you're eating outside, he would step on your feet under the table. you can confront him about it all you want, but he will keep acting innocent.

if he's standing behind you, be wary because he might just throw his coat over your head as a joke, and then act like he did nothing.

alhaitham: do you want help putting on my coat? (y/n): seriously, haitham? alhaitham: yes? i'm seriously asking if you want my help.

when it comes to cooking, he'd leave you to do it. alhaitham would rather look forward to a meal you cook rather than a meal he helped make.

dinners are usually quiet, but if you want to tell him about the person that skipped in front of you in line today, then he's all ears.

the first time he told you he loved you, you were giving him a gift. you were smiling so brightly when giving it to him that he didn't know whether to be thankful for the gift or for you.

or at least you think that was the first time he said he loved you.

it was actually when you were asleep the first time you slept over. a very meaningful "i love you" was whispered softly in your ear.

SCARAMOUCHE

he brought you somewhere with a nice view. he grabbed your hand without warning, and when you asked him where he was taking you, he said, "no need to be nervous, just want you to see something."

(y/n): thank you for bringing me here, scara. scaramouche: you're my s/o, there is no need to thank me. (y/n): i'm your s/o...? scaramouche: are you not informed about that or what?

it turns out that scaramouche planned to ask you a long time ago, and from the amount of times he's rehearsed in his head, his mind convinced him that he already asked you.

you laughed at him when you witnessed the moment he realized he forgot to actually ask you. he huffed at your reaction.

he acts annoyed whenever you ask to try on his hat, but his actions contradict his words as he places it on your head.

scaramouche: there are a lot of places where you can get hats, i don't even know (places hat on your head) why you want mine. (y/n): :D scaramouche: if it falls, i'll laugh at you. (y/n): >:(

scaramouche would make you food if you ask him to. he's glad to do it, but he wouldn't want you to thank him. he thinks thanking him for things he's happy to do is a waste of effort.

it's somewhat his unspoken rule to never leave you alone at the table. even if he doesn't join you for the meal, he'd sit down just to accompany you while you eat.

he denied it when you heard him tell you he loved you. the three words escaped his lips when you were busy picking fruits together. or, rather, you were the one picking fruits while he holds them.

you asked him to repeat what he said, but he was quick to reply with "it'd be a waste of effort to repeat what i said."

but he knows. and you know. you both know he loves you.

KAZUHA

while he was out on sea, he wrote you a letter asking you to be his. along with all the other letters he wrote you, he made sure this was was sent out especially.

(y/n): welcome back, kazuha! about your letter... kazuha: yes, what about it? (y/n): my answer is yes. kazuha: i'm glad. thank you, (y/n).

he loves taking you out on adventures. even when he doesn't have a certain goal in mind for the day, kazuha will always find an excuse to bring you along with him.

you will always find him surrounding himself in nature. thanks to his extraordinary sense of hearing, he enjoys being outside even more. the world has a lot to offer.

one day, you ask him what his favorite sound of nature is. immediately, without fail, his reply is 'your voice', which you're flustered by.

(y/n): that doesn't even make any sense... i asked about your favorite sound of nature. kazuha: the world is full of nature, correct? (y/n): your point being? kazuha: you're my favorite sound of nature because you are my world, (y/n).

you both take turns cooking, always excited to try each other's new recipes. it's become sort of a competition of who can suprise the other one more.

his reaction is the cutest when you compliment his dish. if you're happily chewing the food he fed you, watch out because his hands will pinch your cheeks.

you two were hanging out one night, and you asked him to create a poem for you on the spot. he liked the idea, and immediately got to it.

without any hesitation, without thinking twice about it, he ended his poem with a very sweet "i love you."

when you stayed silent afterwards, kazuha got nervous. but his nervous expression soon washed away when you wrapped your arms around him, complimenting his impromptu-poem-writing abilities.

DILUC

he was closing up the tavern for the day, and you two were the only one there after work hours. he decided to take his chances and ask you right then and there.

diluc: can you pass me the wash cloth? (y/n): sure! diluc: can you fix the chairs? (y/n): sure! diluc: can you be mine? (y/n): sur- wait.

he's never said it outloud, but diluc actually enjoys having senseless conversations with you. just last night you told him he reminded you of an owl, which he found amusing, and he asked you to explain why.

whenever diluc takes shifts at the tavern, you'd be somewhere around helping clean tables or wash dishes. he has enough staff at angel's share, but he appreciates your assistance nonetheless.

if you know how to play chess, he would regularly ask you to play against him. he thinks it's a great game to play while also being able to converse with others. he loves talking to you.

(y/n): the main character realized—check—his feelings too late, and lost the love of his life to someone else. it's sad. diluc: what happened—oh, good move—to the main character after that? (y/n): he was never able to express his true feelings to her. he should've taken the chance. diluc: hm.. i agree. he was too coward when he had the opportunity. and checkmate, by the way. (y/n): wh- hey! i didn't see that move! diluc: better luck next time, my dear.

when you offer to cook dinner for him instead of the maids, diluc doesn't try to hide his smile. you've prohibited him from entering the kitchen, wanting to cook something for him all by yourself.

he will always stand by the archway and watch you cook. you go over to him occasionally, asking him to taste some parts of the meal you're making. these are some of his favorite moments with you.

it was when you were eating dinner that he first told you he loved you. you had just finished cooking a meal, and you were sharing details from your day with each other while eating.

halfway through the meal, he says, "i've been wanting to tell you something all day. may i?"

as you nod your head, he tells you he loves you. or, rather, he tells you he's in love with you. but what's the difference? diluc is all yours.

KAEYA

you brought klee back to the knights of favonius' headquarters after playing with her outside all day. albedo and jean thanked you, but kaeya wanted to express more than just gratitude.

kaeya: klee always returns happy whenever you're the one bringing her back. (y/n): she's precious. i'd do anything to keep her smiling. kaeya: likewise. but i also want to keep you smiling, sweetheart. (y/n): what do you mean? kaeya: be mine, (y/n), and i promise i'll always make you happy.

you, klee, and kaeya are always seen running around mondstadt. not only in the city, but also around the mountains. you'd all go find a big, empty space for klee to blow up.

rest assured he will always invite you for a drink, even if it's the morning. you've rejected about 90% of his offers, but he will always, always, make sure to invite you.

he is one call away when it comes to you. you have something urgent and needs his help? he's on it. you simply just miss him? he misses you too, he's on his way to see you.

(y/n): kaeya, aren't you supposed to be working right now? what would acting grandmaster jean say? kaeya: i missed you. that should be enough reason. (y/n): kaeya. kaeya: what? just wanted to see your face, sweetheart. i- ow! okay, okay, i'll go back now!

kaeya really enjoys when you cook for him. of course, he'll step in to help you, but the thought of you making him his favorite food is so heartwarming.

he insists on feeding you, even embarrassing you sometimes by pretending the spoon is a crystalfly and your mouth the cave it's about to fly into.

he first told you he loved you immediately after you agreed to be his. after you said 'yes' to his confession, he was quick to tell you those three words, and your heart fluttered at his boldness.

he will never forget to tell you he loves you. when he greets you good morning, when you drop by to pick up klee, when you come back to drop off klee, and so many more instances.

there was never a moment you doubted his love for you. he constantly reminds you of it, and kaeya will never let you forget it. he loves you. so much.

CHILDE

he had it all planned out when he asked you to be his s/o. he made restaurant reservations at your favorite place, and even made sure it was on a day where not much people visited.

childe: (y/n), will you be mine? (y/n): are you serious? yes! childe: you are the only one i've ever been serious about. (y/n): you're so corny.

whenever he gets back from missions, he always makes sure to bring you back a little gift or a souvernir. one time, he brought you back a ruin hunter eye because "you're the light of my life" he says. it didn't make any sense.

the first time he brought you to snezhnaya, he wrapped you in so many layers that you were better off rolling on the ground than walking.

he absolutely loves it when you play with his siblings. when he comes home tired, he'll immediately be energized if he sees you and his siblings spending time together.

(y/n): ajax, join us! we could use another person to play tag. childe: do i get a kiss if i win? (y/n): ...i was just kidding, you don't have to play with us anymore. childe: hey! okay, okay, i'll join. no kiss needed, i swear!

cooking is one of his favorite activities to do with you. doing something so loving and domestic as cooking with someone he loves is heartwarming.

no matter how much you try to keep yourself clean, childe will find a way to get you messy. he says you can't blame him if you can never catch him wiping his hands on your shirt.

he wasn't the first one to tell you he loved you. his siblings did it for him, actually. well, who was going to stop them? childe was asleep, and you weren't.

he brought you all on a camping trip outside snezhnaya, and he promptly passed out first after story-telling time. as you were cleaning up the campfire, his siblings all walked over to you.

"(y/n), our big brother loves you very much."

it was very random, but very sweet. you smiled at them as you gave them a hug each, asking them why they were suddenly telling you this.

"if you leave him, you leave us, and we don't want you to leave. he loves you a lot, we swear!"

XIAO

being uninterested in relationships, neither of you ever asked each other. but you've been together for as long as you could remember, and your memory goes back for centuries.

(centuries ago) (y/n): xiao, can you promise not to leave me by myself? xiao: that's a hard promise to keep. (y/n): but you'll try? xiao: ...yes.

xiao has never been the type to express much of what he was feeling—if he felt anything at all. unlike you, he has never bothered to fully understand mortals.

you thrive around the people of liyue harbor, and xiao will always find you casually strolling around or stopping to pet a cat you found on the sidewalk.

when xiao rests at wangshu inn, you find yourself accompanying him, staying with him on the highest balcony. this is the only time you accompany him though, as he has his duties to eliminate evil.

(y/n): need any help? xiao: you always ask, and i always say no. (y/n): well, you might need me one day. xiao: we've been together for centuries. you know i'm capable enough. (y/n): i know. you always have been. xiao: rest easy, (y/n). i'll be here. (y/n): good night, xiao.

food has never really been a problem for either of you, but if you want to treat yourself to a mortal meal, xiao will come along with you. with enough convincing, of course.

you eat at wangshu inn, and chef yanxiao prepares your meals. eating with xiao is quiet, but if you were to start a conversation, he will always reply.

he's never told you that he loves you, at least not directly. his actions will speak for him—one of them being always ridding the path you're taking of monsters.

whenever xiao has to leave you at the inn, he will never fail to tell you to "rest easy" before he leaves. he has sworn to himself to protect you, and eliminate all evil that might affect you.

his duty is to protect liyue, but it wouldn't hurt to make you his duty as well, right?

thanks for reading (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

[vioartemis]

Mine (part 2)

(Wednesday Addams x fem! reader)

Summary: Your girlfriend's stalker seems to know a lot about your breakup with Enid... Part 1 || Part 2 Warnings: none a/n: I struggle writing lately, but I'll try to motivate myself more because I have so many ideas 😭 (English isn't my first language, I'm sorry if there are mistakes or if something doesn't make sense TvT)

A few months after you started dating Wednesday, you discovered your girlfriend had a stalker. Neither of you had an idea of who it could be, but one thing was clear: this person was up to no good.

The raven had already been threatened multiple times by her stalker but didn't pay any attention to it, thinking it was just a prank. It was only when her stalker started threatening to hurt you that she started to be worried.

You were her whole life, her reason to live. She couldn't lose you; she wouldn't know what to do without you. Now that she had you, she was ready to do everything in her power to make sure you would remain hers. Forever.

Her only problem was she didn't know who the stalker was. Usually, she would have just investigated to figure it out, but she couldn't bring you with her, knowing it might be dangerous. She also couldn't let you alone while she was away, that would give the stalker a good opportunity to hurt you.

In this moment, she almost regretted you had no friends anymore. Almost. She still believed she was all you needed.

When she had to leave you, even for a short amount of time, she would ask Thing to stay and keep an eye on you, to make sure you were safe.

What she didn't know was that the stalker -whoever it was- had no intention to harm you. Not physically at least. Of course not. Even if you were to die, the pain caused to Wednesday wouldn't be enough. She had to suffer. And they had found the perfect way to do so.

One day when Weems had called Wednesday in her office, you received a text from an unknown number.

'Your girlfriend is a toxic, manipulative liar. Here are the 'proofs' of Enid cheating on you. It's Wednesday who edited the pictures and sent them to you.'

You couldn't believe your eyes. Even with the screenshots sent by the stalker -because it was obviously them- you couldn't believe it. You didn't want to.

You decided to wait until your girlfriend got back from Weems' office and confront her.

"I'm back my love, did something happen while I was gone?" she asked right away, as per usual, the second she stepped into the room

"Actually... yes, something happened. I uh... I received a text, probably from the stalker"

Wednesday snapped her head at you the moment she heard the 'yes', blinking.

"What? Show me."

You purposefully held the phone away from her.

"Answer me first; were you the one who sent me the pictures of Enid 'cheating on me'?" you asked as calmly as you could

She certainly was taken aback by your sudden question, and it was clear she was thinking of the best answer to give you.

She could lie to you, tell you she didn’t do anything. But if you had real evidence, you would hate her if she lied. More than you would hate her if you knew what she’d done.

She was going to have to tell you the truth, it was the best thing to do to make sure she wouldn’t lose you.

"Yes. It was me."

You felt your heart sink at her words. You would've never thought she would do something like that.

"... Why?"

"It was for your own good, Y/n, I-"

"For my own good? You hurt me for my own good?" you cut her off, your anger building up "You ruined a perfectly good and healthy relationship that made me happy!"

"She wouldn't have made you happy a long time. You were not meant to be. I know I am the one for you. Aren't you more happy with me, cara mia?"

She spoke calmy and took your hand in hers softly. This simple touch was almost enough to calm you down.

"I am. But this... this is not healthy. Everything is based on a lie..."

"I did it for you. For us."

"No. No. You did it for you."

The anger was back, and made you snatch your hand away from hers before continuing.

"It was never about me. You just couldn't bear to see me with someone else. You had to have me all for yourself, didn't you? No matter how that would hurt me."

"No, that is not-"

"It is. It's exactly what it is. You're just selfish, Wednesday. Did you ever even considered the fact that I might not develop feelings for you? That you might have ruined my life?"

She did not consider it, not even once. She was sure you would love her because you were meant to be, weren't you? She could feel it. She couldn't explain it, but she knew you were made for her and vice versa.

She believed you were her soulmate, but she never realized she might not be yours. That would be cruel. And not how she liked it.

"Y/n-"

"No." you raised your hand and grabbed your bag "I'm going to my dorm. Don't follow me."

You didn't let her say anything else and stormed out of her room. You were angry and felt betrayed. You just wanted to be alone.

Wednesday watched you leave, her stomach twisted uncomfortably. She wanted to follow you, to call you back, to do anything to make sure she wasn't losing you. But you told her not to, and it would upset you more if she did.

She couldn't lose you. Not now, not after everything she'd done. You loved her, she knew it. Yet, she couldn't help but feel nervous. What if you went to Enid? What if she still loved you and tried to get you back?

She didn't have news of you for the next two days. You were doing your best to avoid her, and she didn't like it. It was torture -and not the good kind.

It was torture for you too, as much as you hated to admit it. You missed her so much. It was almost concerning how fast she got you addicted to her. You wanted to come back to her, hug her, kiss her... But you were mad she lied to you. And you wanted her to understand that.

But again, you missed her. So so much. You had trouble sleeping at night without her, and during the day you just missed her sarcastic remarks, the feeling of her hand in yours, the way she looks at you like you're the eighth wonder of the world.

You just couldn't stay away from her any longer.

You barged in her dorm after classes that day and grabbed her face to kiss her, not even letting her the time to understand what was happening.

She was taken aback by your sudden arrival after three days without even looking at her, but that meant you weren't leaving her, and that was the most important to her.

She held you close, hands on your waist, while she kissed you back. She'd missed that as much as you did.

After a moment, you pulled away.

"I'm still mad at you. But I just can't seem to be without you..."

"Cara mia-"

"No, let me talk, please"

Your girlfriend looked at you and nodded, a bit nervous about what you were about to say next.

"No more lies, and no more things like that, okay?"

"Of course, mi amor. I promise you I will be fully transparent now."

You smile at her words.

"Okay, I believe you. I love you Wednesday"

She nodded at your answer. She was relieved that you believed her, that you still loved her.

If she was determined to discover who her stalker was before, now she was ready to do everything in her power to figure it out. Whoever it was, they tried to take you away from her. And that she would not forgive.

[Previous part]

[reineydraws]

For the mishanks body swap au, how would luffy/zoro/perona react? How would other people they know react?

hi! this got long so i'll put it under a cut, and there aren't really any drawings since that's a bit more effort and time i don't have rn 😅 but i wanted to answer this!

the people i cover are:

benn & yasopp

perona

zoro

luffy (and rayleigh, kinda)

kid luffy

buggy & croc

kid uta

thanks for the ask!!! :)

this is how i had some of shanks's crew react:

i think yasopp and benn, who have likely known him the longest and best and who have probably seen the most of mishanks together, would recognize mihawk's body language, even when it's on shanks. i also think ppl who spend a lot of time together and/or love each other a lot pick up each others' mannerisms, so benn and yasopp have probably already seen their captain exhibit little tells here and there that clearly come from mihawk. when mihawk himself somehow ends up in their captain's body, it's weirdly familiar for them, and they realize it's 'cuz they're not just seeing echoes of the swordsman in shanks, but the real thing.

for perona, i imagine shanks would roll up to kuraigana thinking like, "i should try to be like mihawk so as not to alarm them, esp 'cuz hawky probably would rather they not know" but when he steps off hitsugibune, he waves to perona and greets, "perona," and she's immediately like, "who are you!" she noticed that shanks buttoned the shirt he picked out of mihawk's coffin-crate wrong, and mihawk would never wear that shirt with those pants like that! and she thought maybe mihawk was having an off day until "mihawk" waved in greeting and called her by name. at this point, shanks is sweating lol.

zoro, i think he'd probably notice something is Off right away (shanks continues the charade bc he explains the situation to perona and perona thinks it's hilarious and wants to see how long zoro goes without noticing) but wouldn't really care until "mihawk" draws yoru for some training. zoro would scowl, annoyed but not alarmed bc perona's not alarmed, and he'd be like, "okay, that's it. mihawk would never hold yoru like that, he keeps at least another hand's-width distance in his grip for better support, what the hell," and shanks is just like, of course i got the sword thing wrong. of course his sword student would notice. 🤦🏻‍♀️ mihawk would only train interesting and competent people, and that's luffy's swordsman! c'mon shanks.

(i am a firm believer that shanks is the only other person that's ever been allowed to handle yoru in the time she's been mihawk's sword, and as an extension of that, i think it'd be cute if he held her in a slightly different grip bc shanks's style when using yoru is a little more hilt-heavy and defensive. he hasn't done this since losing his arm though, so it's actually nostalgic to be able to wield her with both hands.)

(i say this but i suppose, like with all body swap au's, there might also be an element of muscle memory involved. in that case, zoro probably confronts shanks when shanks reaches for beer instead of wine at dinner. but i like the sword thing better haha.)

luffy? luffy and mishanks aren't interacting in canon rn so i can't imagine where he'd meet up with them body-swapped, unless one of them goes to rayleigh at sabaody for help. (i say "one of them" but while shanks would be alone, poor mihawk would definitely have the red-hair pirates as a peanut gallery following along lol.) in this case, i think luffy (and rayleigh) would just laugh. like, a lot. so much.

if it was mihawk (looking like shanks), luffy would probably ask him a lot of questions regarding zoro and proclaiming his time is almost up as wgs, and then hang out with the rhp to catch up, show off his improved abilities a little, and tell yasopp about how usopp's been doing. with shanks, i think they'd catch up and then end up horsing around, and it would be extra funny bc from the outside it looks like dracule mihawk is having an eating contest with strawhat luffy. rayleigh will take photos for posterity.

if it's kid luffy and this happens before luffy's a pirate, i think luffy would probably ask mihawk-as-shanks what being a pirate is like, and also stories about being the wgs. and mihawk would tell him about fighting marines and his coffin boat and luffy would get a little starry-eyed but also maybe want to fight him lol.

other people they know... i can't help but imagine what kind of fuckery shanks would come up with if he rolled up to karai barai looking like mihawk. 😂 buggy and croc would be so unnerved.

i think shanks would take the opportunity to fuck with buggy a little by bringing up inciting incidents between them from when they were kids, like their really stupid arguments, and buggy would be caught between arguing back heatedly, creeped out that mihawk knows and is smiling all i-know-something-you-don't-know at him *shudders*, and wondering if the weird amount of knowledge on buggy's childhood mihawk has means that mihawk and shanks are fucking or something. (they are, but buggy doesn't know that. mihawk is a little annoyed at shanks for getting this revealed 'cuz he was holding onto their relationship for a more dramatic reveal if it ever presented itself, and he wanted the source of the blackmail he had on buggy to be a little more enigmatic. now, he can't creep buggy out bc he'll just assume all his blackmail material is from shanks. ugh.)

croc would be a little baffled that "mihawk" has suddenly started interacting with the clown way more than he used to, before realizing there's something deeply wrong with "mihawk". he seems too personable, too trusting, too... smile-y. it's weird. he doesn't like it. he is forced to go to buggy about this when his own henchmen don't seem to know what else to do about it, and they end up relictantly working together to find out what caused this personality change. when it eventually gets figured out that "mihawk" is actually shanks, buggy is livid and crocodile's already thinking about what this might mean for the cross guild, if the red force is going to come to karai barai, if that will cause problems for what he's trying to do, and of course, how he can use this situation to blackmail mihawk in the future. it's annoying but he can admit it's also kinda funny.

totally self-indulgent addition, but kid uta would take the oportunity to play dress-up with her dads since they've now effectively switched fashion senses. both let her, bc they are both charmed by how happy this makes her.

[666writingcafe]

MC's Boogeyman

Solomon

As MC leaves the stand and walks over to the chest, I look over at Diavolo and Belphegor. They look as worried as I feel. You see, the test that Craxon has assigned to MC hasn't been used in many centuries, because the boogeyman has a tendency to drive people mad from fear. Some have even died. The last time the boogeyman was utilized was as a means of torture, and that was shortly after I got kicked out of the Society.

Craxon clearly wants to know what MC's biggest fear is--his prolonged silence earlier indicates that much--but I have no idea why he'd need that information. Then again, he often keeps his cards close to his chest, so it's usually hard to tell what's going through his mind at the best of times.

MC takes a deep breath and indicates that they're ready. The chest is open, and the boogeyman flies out of it in a flash of bright purple light. The room becomes pitch black for a few seconds before revealing that the boogeyman has transformed into...

MC?

At least, I think it's MC. Between the glowing eyes and sinister grin, their features are nearly unrecognizable.

I watch my apprentice shake as the boogeyman circles them.

"You poor thing," it coos mockingly. "You just can't control yourself, can you?"

"Stop it," MC whispers, causing the boogeyman to snicker.

"What's wrong? Too scared to confront the truth?" It stops behind MC and leans close to their ear. "You're a monster, darling. How is anyone supposed to feel safe around you?"

MC clenches their jaw as a few tears escape their eyes, and I have to stop myself from launching myself at the boogeyman. Judging by the looks on Belphegor and Diavolo's faces, they're having a similar struggle.

"One day, everyone will come to their senses and realize that trying to keep you alive and sane is an unnecessary burden," the boogeyman continues. "Your death would benefit the greater good."

"Enough," MC murmurs. The boogeyman tuts in disapproval.

"Pathetic."

"I'm not pathetic."

"Sure you are. Why do you think the most powerful people in the three realms are interested in you? You're like a wounded animal that they can't help but feel sorry for. They don't actually care about you. They'll turn you out the moment you become too dangerous. After all, they can't have you slaughtering their own kind just because someone hurt your precious little feelings."

"Enough!" MC glares at the boogeyman. "I may be a freak of nature, but that doesn't mean that I'm unworthy of love."

"Is that so?" MC nods.

"I have thought about ending my life on many occasions, but each time these guys give me a reason to stay. If they didn't love me, they wouldn't even try." The boogeyman bursts out laughing, but instead of cowering, MC stands their ground.

"Oh, you're actually serious," the boogeyman states once it composes itself.

"Of course I am," MC replies. "My life is not a joking matter." The boogeyman rolls its eyes, but I can tell that it's losing its power. For one, it appears a bit smaller than it did a few moments ago.

"Furthermore, a literal reaper went out of her way to ensure my survival, even though I only knew of her existence a few days prior," they add. "If that isn't a sign that I'm meant to be alive, then I don't know what is." Silence. The boogeyman continues to shrink.

"And even if I feel helpless and weak, I know for a fact that these guys will support me every step of the way. I almost feel sorry for you, because you'll never know what it's liked to be loved by even one person, let alone several. You'll just be seen as a mere object, a tool at best." MC directly calling out the boogeyman causes it to screech loudly as it quickly disappear back into its chest. Once the lid closes, MC collapses onto the ground and begins sobbing.

I look up at Craxon, and he silently nods, granting me permission to comfort MC. Diavolo and Belphegor are close behind.

In my opinion, MC has earned their star of humility.

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr

[nogenderbee]

Hello there! How are you?

Anyway what do you think Mafuyu with an older sister!s/o?

I personally think, when they were still kids, they really close. But when grow up and mafumom start to compare them, something like "How can your younger sister better than you?" And etc. So because that, their relationship not good? (Basically mafuyu thinks that her older sister hate her, but actually no)

Thank you so much anyway!

Of course! I swear I'm having too much fun with those ANGSTs so I decided to make a little bit of comfort after! Honestly this idea is so good (which you can see by length of fic-) so yeah, I will never mind ant ANGST requests, I can let all my trauma out with them lol But anyway, I hope you enjoy this just as much as I did <3

Mafuyu thinks her older sister!reader hates her

TagList: @prsk-krow @modyuki @bleachtheidiot

You never hated your younger sister, you truly never did. It was just your mom that made you not want to spend time with her. It always was "Mafuyu got 6 from what you barely got 3 in the past." or "Mafuyu knows a lot more than you and she's younger!", or "Mafuyu is literally perfect child, why can't you be more like her?", always Mafuyu that, Mafuyu this, you honestly was done with it. So in order to hopefully make all those comparisons stop, you decided to avoid your sister.

Mafuyu herself on the other hand, thought you hate her. At first she thought that she doesn't care, that she can manage it, that you're not all that important in her life anyways, so why does she feel this pain in her chest when she sees Hinomori siblings at least tolerating each other? Or even worse... Tenma siblings... they're just so happy, they have such an adorable relationship... why can't she have relationship like that with her sister? Why does she care so much? And it gets even worse when she remembers old times... old times when you used to be little kids... when she wasn't broken yet... you were so happy, so innocent and so close...

Nightcord members definitely noticed that she cares about your relationship even if she doesn't know it. If it's after confrontation with Mafuyu's mom, then trust me when I say that they'll definitely reach for you next, if not, they'll still try sooner or later. And so it's them that tell you how she feels, of course they suggest you spend more time but they won't force you (some at least).

You were hurt when you discovered that your sister feels that way... but then again you didn't want those comparisons to get even worse, you've already been sick of them. But who cares about your mom anymore, am I right? So you decided to work on your relationship with Mafuyu and ignore all the comments from your mother. Although some comments like "Oh, you finally decided to be better?" really made you mad but you sister is way more important to you right now.

Also thanks to that, you've been able to see past the "good girl Mafuyu" and you saw the lost girl... you honestly felt bad for her and decided that you'll help her any way you can. She was honest with you and definitely told you more than Nightcord members even if she didn't wanted to say anything at first.

"I heard from Kanade that you got sloghtlt better when we started to hangout more, is that true~?"

"I don't know. I don't feel pain my chest anymore when I think of you so maybe?"

"That's big first step Mafufu!"

"I'm Mafuy- uh, nevermind, do what you want."

"Getting used~?"

Yes I had to write 3 last dialogues here!!

❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉

[daylander1000]

A fic where finally Baela and Rhaena are the main focus??? Ma'am you fed us so well.

As a POC, it didn't go well with me to see Laena getting a faux girlpower death and no attention for my girlies Baela and Rhaena.

Really tells you how much the world values you.

Seeing you write this fic is sparking off so many AU ideas for me.

As another anon said, it was cathartic to see them have feelings about how awful their parent and guardians are. I am sure the girlies can count and calculate that their brother was conceived on the night of their mother's funeral.

Seeing those letters by Laena aksjdjfkkfkf, I want to support all the sad rage feels that Baela is feeling.

The amount of times Rhaena and Aemond talk about killing Luke made me cackle. Such a well-suited pair bonding over murder.

Young Baela holding out hope that her father is planning something to dismiss how hurtful his actions were made me just want to squeeze my girlie with a big hug.

All those Targs dismissing Rhaena for not claiming a dragon like deadass forgot Valyrian supremacist and power in their blood believer No.1 Daemon's egg didn't hatch either? He claimed his own dragon at 15 and Rhaenys and Viserys egg also didn't hatch. I can't believe Daemon didn't at least try to defend her on this??

Anyways Aemond and Rhaena are so cute with their plans. I hope Rhaena gets to publically shame the Blacks or the sisters gets to distance themselves from the Blacks when they start falling from the sky.

I really hope Rhaenys doesn't die for these thankless idiots.

I absolutely enjoyed your fic so much. I can't wait for more chapters.

Thank you for sharing this with us.

Eat, my darling. 😂

May the ideas spark and bloom into a thousand stories.

I had to give them some main character energy. Had to. I mean, the writers started it with Rhaena. They present her as this girl who's ~8 who puts on a happy face when there are guests but is secretly contemplating being kicked out from the home because she's so painfully aware that the people in her family and social circle only value dragonriders. Like, this is a complex character and I'm invested.

And then she goes to her mother who doesn't exactly reassure her with unconditional love but instead sort of says "Well, them's the breaks. I only became important at 15 when I got Vhagar, you have time to work on it," and then she also says that Daemon's 'doing his best,' as if to say 'he's doing his best, finding your place is up to you.' Like, the onus is on Rhaena to step up. It's nothing to do with Daemon being a shit dad. That's what they present to the audience, that Rhaena has to step up.

Then Laena kills herself, and Rhaena's apparently all set to use her mother's brutal, traumatic body horror death as an opportunity to secure her position in her family as a dragonrider.

Is there a tradition of dragons being passed down from parent to child? Have any dragons ever killed their own riders? It is bizarre to me that she'd want the dragon who burnt her mother to death, but that's what they put on her. Like, it's either that she's clueless as to how dragons work and genuinely believes she had dibs on Vhagar, or she's totally distraught and being sentimental and angry because she's grieving her mother. Both ways plausible. She's 8. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Instead of the strong boys attacking Aemond because they're bullies as was already established in a harmless scenario, when it comes to the actual maiming, they choose to include Rhaena in that. They give her and Baela enough agency and personality to have them be so angry that they go and wake up the strong boys to go confront Aemond. They don't go to their father or grandfather or any guardians or a septa or anything. They just lead the charge on Aemond because they're upset.

Like, I've rewatched that "it's him" call out and it doesn't even make sense to me. They don't know him. Did they spend the day of their mother's funeral getting updated on the cool kids clique system by Jace and Luke? Are we assuming Daemon and Laena were all the way in Pentos talking about Aemond and warning the girls to look out for him because he's a known ruffian? That should have been Jace, if anyone. "It's him, this boy whose mother hates my mother." "It's him, this boy we've been laughing at for not having a dragon."

What exactly do the girls know about him to start off the confrontation on a hostile note? "It's him. The quiet boy from earlier who was standing with his family and didn't say anything to anyone."

But anyway, the writers just insert them into the green/black drama on the premise that they're grieving and angry. Cool. Aemond is less than polite about their mother, violence ensues...

And then 6 years later, like magic, Rhaena and Baela just have none of that take charge main character energy anymore?They're just stepford smilers?

Not cool. What???

That's my biggest post time skip source of frustration. These writers sat down and said, "Let's involve these two black girls in the maiming of Aemond. Yeah. They don't know Aemond and they don't know Jace or Luke either, but they're throwing hands because they're emotional. Yeah, this has nothing to do with them in the book but let's make them the instigators. Baby Luke barely knows what's going on, he's being led astray by the older ones. Poor child would be in his bed sleeping if it wasn't for Rhaena and Baela..."

They did not have to be the face of that fight.

"A dragon is not a slave" didn't need to become an hotd tagline. We didn't need 10,000 articles saying "Well, actually, no, Rhaena doesn't know how dragons work."

And even so, I'd have been okay with it if they kept the same energy.

If you're going to get into a 4 on 1 beat down on Aemond for claiming your mother's dragon, then I want to see you being seriously pissed off about Rhaenyra claiming your mother's husband. You need to be on Driftmark saying "No, Rhaenyra, this is my mother's favorite beach. Put your clothes back on." "No, Luke, you can't sit on the Driftwood Throne, this would have been my mother's throne."

If I could draw, I'd be doing a whole comic strip with Rhaena and Baela just beating people. Probably with the assistance of the Fight Club Orphans™.

Laenor being sent into exile? "This is my mother's brother and my mother's brother's boyfriend!" Stealthily trying to murder Vaemond from behind? "This is my mother's uncle!"

I don't want to see Rhaena doing a 180, growing up to be a doormat happily serving wine.

I also do not want scenes with Baela eagerly wanting to go risk her life fighting to defend Rhaenyra and Jace because that's what her mother would have wanted for her.

What???

Don't give them main character energy when you want to use them to deflect blame from the strong boys, only to take back that energy when you want to use them as decorative props for the same strong boys.

My hate of hotd is at that level where I hate the writers. That probably sounds unhinged to hate people over fictional characters but that's just me rn.

Like, it's 2023, black women are still dying in childbirth irl and you're going to sit down and write a scene where one of the handful of non-white female characters in fantasy not only dies in childbirth but you manage to combine "died in childbirth" with "burned alive" and "suicide"? Like, define overkill.

99 percent of the fandom was like "So brave and strong and independent and pro-choice! We love to see it!" while I'm hard pressed to think of a black female character in any series or book or movie who was treated worse than Laena. (Not even exaggerating. Off the top of my head, I can't think of any.)

Like, hotd haunts me, honestly. When people were talking about boycotting because of the diversity, the showrunners should have just put out a disclaimer that said "Don't worry, you're gonna like how we treat them. We're gonna burn them and behead them and there's gonna be one liners and beach sex and you're gonna love it. Trust us. We got this."

Like, it disturbs me to think that not only was there no one in the entire production crew who could spotlight how bad the writing for house Velaryon was, but also that they've somehow managed to spin a narrative where they're all progressive pioneers of epic fantasy.

God, I'm ranting again. 😖

So yeah, I couldn't write a version of Laena who genuinely thinks Daemon is doing his best. I had to write a Laena who's like "Actually, nope. This guy is the worst."

I kinda had to throw Rhaenys under the bus a little but I didn't know where else to put her. 😅 I'm not going with "Rhaenys wanted to do the right thing but she was betrayed by Baela who was Team Rachel Dolezal all along."

I have to thank you guys for reading 😊 Like, this little micro-sector of the fandom managed to take something I absolutely 1000% hated and helped me see the fun carefree part of it. The fanart and headcanons and memes...

My whole 2020 plan was to stop ranting and be a carefree fangirl. 😅😭

It's fun to write. I'm seriously ND when it comes to writing and it takes me ages to edit properly. Ages, but this made me think "Hey, just try. It won't be the worst thing ever (because that's canon and you'll be better than that at the very least) and maybe somebody gets a laugh out of it."

[uncloseted]

I used to think I had ADHD bc it's so hard for me to get schoolwork done, but Ive realized that I really just procrastinate bc I'm scared of starting an assignment and failing. I mainly procrastinate on essays and projects bc it's usually a challenge and also a sum of everything you have learned in class, and I get scared because I feel like I'm not equipped to do it. So I avoid avoid avoid and do it last minute. Sometimes I get really good marks actually! So it proves that I am actually

Equipped to do the assignment even if I do it super late. But, I'm wondering how I can drill into my head to just DO the thing and not be terrified that I'm going to fail and avoiding it for fear of confronting the truth that I'm a "failure" and can't do the assignment (logically I know this isn't true but emotionally my brain automatically doesn't believe it).

Yes! Perfectionism is such a huge reason why people procrastinate and I don't think people talk about it nearly as much as they should.

The first thing I would do when dealing with procrastination from perfectionism is to remind yourself that the outcome of your work isn't a reflection of your worth as a person. You can be loved and worthy even if you aren't perfect at everything you do. I think oftentimes, people who struggle with perfectionism feel like being perfect at things is a necessary part of their identity, but we aren't our successes and failures. Letting go of the idea that the outcome of tasks define us makes it easier to complete work. And when you do fail at things, try to reframe what that means in your mind. Instead of "failing this exam means I'm a failure as a person", maybe try reframing it as "failure is a normal part of life. If I never fail, then I'll never be able to grow."

When you're starting an assignment, try and set reasonable goals and standards for yourself. Of course you want to give each assignment your best and get 100% on everything, but what's the bare minimum that would get you to achieve your goal? If you have a class you're taking, what's the bare minimum that you would need to get on this assignment and still pass the class? Figuring out what would be good enough can help to combat that feeling that the world is ending when an assignment isn't perfect. It can also help you to get started, since you can remind yourself that it doesn't need to be perfect, it just needs to get done. Give yourself permission to make mistakes and remind yourself that you can always go through it again at the end and improve it if you need to.

In terms of general anti-procrastination strategies, there are a few things you can try:

Break your task into small, manageable steps that you can check off a list. These can be as simple as "open document" and "write name at the top of the paper". The more little tasks you do successfully, the more you'll feel like you can do.

Commit to only doing a little bit. Maybe you'll just do one step that's on your list, or you'll do two minutes of work. Usually, after that time is up, you'll feel like you've gotten over the hump of starting a new task and you can keep going. But if not, let yourself take a break. You've at least gotten a little something done, which is better than nothing.

Reward your progress. Once you get to pre-set milestones in the task you're going (like you've finished five of the small steps on your list, or you've finished writing a paragraph of an essay), give yourself a little treat. It sounds silly, but if you can train yourself to associate doing work with getting a treat, it's easier to start doing the work.

And more than anything else, I think it's important to be kind to yourself. If you had a friend that was struggling the way that you are now, what would you say to them? You'd tell them that they're capable of completing the assignment and even if it doesn't go well, they're not a failure of a person, right? Try to talk to yourself that same way when you're trying to get through doing an assignment. It will feel silly at first, but the more that we practice kindness and compassion towards ourselves, the easier it becomes to do it, and the more we believe the things we tell ourselves.

[rin-and-jade]

Hello! I really appreciate what you do with this blog! :) And wanna say thank you for this!

I'm here looking for advice on persecutors!

I recently found another portion of the headspace, wich contains multiple houses with persecutors or trauma holders in each house (i'll be calling this place "The Neighbourhood")

I as a host with "gatekeeper abilities" and general powers in headspace am totally capable to go to each house and i've actually interacted with two residents of the neighbourhood that are harmless. However, i don't really know how to get to interact with the other residents that are more dangerous or defensive, the gate that separates our regular headspace from the neighbourhood is key to our outerworld safety, so letting the residents of the neighbourhood out would be extreme chaos.

I don't really have access to my therapist right now and we've been working on our system ourselves, so at least getting to know our persecutors names would work for our system mapping.

Any advice on how to interact with them? :/

AWWWW.. And my greatest “you’re welcome” would be going on more in-depth explanation, and my own experience of handling one (two actually) probably in a step by step! But let’s do the opening first.

It’s fine if you can’t get a therapist currently, no, it’s better this way (imo) because persecutors are super reluctant to talk to people who could help them and even lash out (especially ours doesn’t need to mention a therapist, mentioning a friend to talk to also aggravates them well) so doing this alone may work better.

These people hold many traumatic moments (assuming bc both of them do, and different things) and this makes discussion harder when it comes to confronting about something specific. Their arrogance and violent tendencies acts like a cherry on top because jesus christ.. right? It couldn’t be any worse (it could) so here are the steps:

Intimidation: yes, they can be intimidated even if they look intimidating themselves. I highly recommend you talking to them as if you’re both in the same level to keep the defensiveness tamed, it also removes one more reason to act cocky to you (this applies to both of ours because they tried to fight for a position if there is one at the first place)

2. Intro: you gotta act polite to these people too, it makes them slightly more respected and would listen to what you have to say,, also, for a fact that persecutors aren’t 24/7 bad and have a chill side, though its different for everybody because it have many looks. Im just saying being nice deters more bad compared to being bad that breeds more bad.

3. Patience: the hard part is, it’s a really long process to get them to warm up with you,, if they have something to say be it hate or cuss or some honesty.. you should listen to them, no need to take it to heart but atleast have them vent those frustration or thoughts because they keep ALOT of those inside (atleast ours) so by giving them a space to let them out, it’ll be great. Although im saying there will be a boundary here, they cannot harm you or throw threats.. this part is on you because i don’t personally know them to dismiss the topic carefully.

4. Teach: they’ll use bad coping or tactics that further harm the collective if no one suggests them, or tell them what’s the right way of doing things. Im thinking this is formed from habit and because its the only thing they know how to handle things so theres no other options but exposing them to knew things they can try for a healthier outcome, for both parties. One of our persecutor doesn’t even know morals and i teached her why things are that way with good reasons like asking “do you want that to happen to you???” And get a resounding no, changed her way. Profit.

5. Healing: last but not least.. this needs them overcoming their own trauma and fears too, if they’re stuck at fear mode and with the constant anxiety if things will go wrong, it’ll perpetuate the need to keep their members in line and their justifying actions caused by violence, saying “its needed/because im being helpful/it works” and the self sabotaging urges.

Really hope this is a first aid guide that you can use to properly handle a persecutor (and more), just letting you know trial and errors are necessary here so don’t be afraid if you did something wrong or whatnot,, it’s a valuable lesson uncover patterns. Also don’t forget to not do this alone <3

- j

[thornfield13713]

Okay. I do not normally, do this, as everyone has their own takes and that is usually fine, I go out of my way to avoid the sort of takes that make me actively angry, but- I’m not even angry about this one, I just think it’s hilarious.

Like, someone in the tag (to avoid shaming this person I will not name them here) just described Izzy as ‘good at reading emotions, big picture stuff, deferred gratification, etc’.

Like...honey. Sweetheart. My sibling in Hades. Where the fuck are you getting that one from?

Like, Izzy’s utter lack of emotional awareness or ability to read people is one of his defining character traits. Like...this is the guy who cannot comprehend Ed’s mental state when Ed is standing right in front of him going ‘I am so bored that even death sounds like a welcome reprieve from the grind my life has become’. Who takes fully two weeks to realise that maybe, just maybe, Ed doesn’t want to kill the guy he’s been making heart-eyes at since they got on the ship. Who doesn’t notice the brewing mutiny right under his nose until he is literally tied to the anchor and about to be thrown overboard.

Izzy is terrible at reading or understanding emotions and that is...kind of his thing.

For that matter, ‘big-picture stuff’?

Izzy is...not great at that, either. If he were, he’d...probably have caught on that there’s a reason why Blackbeard is asking him about clouds. While they are on a sailing ship. Being able to read the weather and tides is...kind of an important skill for a tall-ship sailor, and Ed is clearly frustrated that Izzy isn’t getting it. That line about how ‘it’s like pulling teeth with you sometimes’ is a pretty clear indication that this is a conversation they’ve had before. Someone who was good at big-picture thinking might step back and go ‘okay, why are you telling me this’. Someone who was good at sailing (there is no way Buttons would’ve missed it) would’ve gone ‘oh. Fog’s coming in, then.’

But even putting that instance of it aside...Izzy is sort of locked in his own head. Most of us are to some extent, but Izzy is really bad at seeing things outside his own worldview. Like, from a big-picture perspective, putting the guy whose one real job aboard ship is being literate on various jobs of gruelling make-work (literally none of the tasks Izzy assigns to Lucius are a) urgent or b) even really within the realm of normal shipboard maintenance, as many other metas have pointed out) all of which are hard on the hands is putting his own petty satisfaction above the smooth running of the ship. Likewise, you can see it in his decision to starve the crew for making smart remarks at him when...he doesn’t actually have that big a crew and having people too weak to work is also going to undermine the running of the ship. Hell, calling in the British Navy on fellow pirates is itself quite a short-sighted decision, not least because there is absolutely nothing stopping the Navy from going ‘right, thanks for your service, you will be rewarded...as a traitor deserves, hang the lot of them from the yardarm’. Yes, okay, that is not what happened, because this is a romcom, but there was literally nothing stopping it, and colonial powers are not known for playing nicely with...basically anyone in a weaker position than them. 

Again and again, Izzy puts his own pettiness ahead of and above the larger picture of ‘we are all on a ship at sea and need to be able to work together in order to keep that ship running’. Hell, it’s even arguably part of what loses him both his confrontations with Stede, as he gets distracted by minor annoyances (and, admittedly, his own absolute contempt for anyone who doesn’t fit his model of martial masculinity) and thus fails to see the trap until it snaps shut on him.

And finally, ‘deferred gratification’. We have less evidence of this being nonsense than the other two, but I would point out that...okay, if Izzy believes that the plan is genuinely ‘Blackbeard learns everything he can from Bonnet to enable him to kill Bonnet, take over Bonnet’s life and sail away into the sunset, leaving me the captaincy’...a fortnight is an insane timetable for that. Even putting aside the fact that I don’t think Izzy was at all keen on the ‘Blackbeard retires to a life of luxury ashore and I take over as captain’ part of the plan...the point I am making here is, Izzy doesn’t care either way. What he wants is Stede Bonnet dead, and he wants it now.

So...yeah. I honestly think this is the funniest Bad Take in the fandom so far, just because it flies so much in the face of everything we get to see about Izzy. And...honestly, I’m not sure who even makes this argument? Like- Izzy is a petty, small-minded martinet with the emotional intelligence of a bent and rusty fork and absolutely no ability to consider any perspective but his own. That’s what makes him funny.

[russilton]

thoughts on various mick ships??? schulott / schuclerc / smick??????

Let me tell you I wrote such a good answer to all this but tumblr deleted it when I moved my hand wrong- and I got so mad I had to go do something else (I finally stopped putting off ordering the baby registry gift for the shower I’m going to tomorrow- lol)

But now I’m back and first of all I gotta say anon- how could u forgot the two (three?) Mick ships I actually ship - schuvesti and schuoohan (and the combined Dooschuvesti).

But for the ones you listed

Schulott -

I know about it but I have 0 opinion on it bc I don’t know anything about Callum. My whole exposure to the guy is via tweets / Amanda or Kyle, so I don’t really have any baseline to care.

Schuclerc -

Meh - I think to like Schuclerc you’ve got to be at least a little Tifosi — like this isn’t so much a duo but a poly ship where the third partner is Ferrari. To make this work you’ve rlly got to WANT to fuck the colour red and Italian words.

I am- practically the opposite of Tifosi so I can’t feel the link between them rlly, like yeah there’s narrative and a dickload of red to it but narrative doesn’t make chemistry automatically. I’m not opposed to it it’s just giving ME personally nothing. Kyle if if you show up to shout at me for this- Brother what did you expect.

Smick -

I think I see Seb as too much like Mick’s strange step uncle to rlly want smick as a romantic ship. Like. Seb isn’t quite Micks brother not quite his paternal figure He’s this nebulous third thing- He’s family of an undefined quality. It also doesn’t help that RB Seb looked like he wanted Michael to fuck him so bad. Young seb looks like he would climb into Michaels skin if he could do so- and the whole ‘I would have liked to be slutty for ur father’ rlly gets in the way of seeing Seb with Mick

THAT BEING SAID- the relationship between Mick and Seb is so profoundly important to me, and not just bc Mick looked like Seb leaving him was forcing him to confront being alone in the sport for the first time in his life. The way Mick clung to Seb like if he gripped hard enough Seb would stay and he wouldn’t be without a seat - it breaks you open. The way Mick looks so abandoned but he cannot get the words out- oughghsbkjs

Ask me my Honest Ship Opinions

[giraffe1270]

July 25, 2023: I need to get stuff out.

I have a journal, but for some reason, when I write by hand, the sentence leaves my mind as soon as I put down the preceding words. I have too many things in my head that need to exist outside of myself for me to be losing half of them. So, I decided I would do this. Type my words somewhere that exists outside of myself. There is nothing as personal, sweet, and tender as handwritten words, and I shall always prefer them to anything else-- but I need the efficiency and forgiveness of typed words. My hand moves far too slow for my thoughts.

I only write when things get bad, which I am sure many people relate to. I think things have never been worse than they are right now, which is probably why I'm doing this. I have immense difficulty with verbalizing my problems-- even in my own journal, which no one else would see but me, I refuse to explicitly state my problems. I write about what plagues me in vague swathes of emotion. It is like the way one describes the eerie demon which lurks in the corner of the room-- you never want to identify it, describe it in detail, or point it out, for it terrifies you. You just feel its presence upon your mind. I cannot even admit my problems entirely to myself, let alone someone else. I am going to start therapy in the fall when I go back to school. I am hoping that will be the start of confronting this problem. Writing this will perhaps hold me over until then. I am not sure how much detail I shall go into on here, but at the least, I will get something inside of me out that needs to be out. I am too exhausted from protecting the fear in my chest the way a desperate mother lion protects her cubs, feral and hysteric. My fear doesn't deserve protecting, though it has tricked me into thinking it does.

I hope this can transform into more than just the bad things. I hope me writing this will allow me to solidify my goals for progress and take the steps to actualize them. I hope I will write of things I love, the things that make me happy, the little joys in my life that tell me everything is alright.

I wish to live a life that is more than just waiting to live.

Best,

Giraffe

Dancer in Repose. Henri Matisse, 1939 - 1940

[iwannawritelots]

Live By the Sword

Originally written October 2021

Masterlist

Genre: erm, I’m not really sure

Ship(s): Lucifer X MC

(genderless MC)

(requested)

Trigger/content warnings: it gets a bit suggestive but nothing too bad

Headcanons/notes from the author: Lucifer, avatar of seeing MC be hot and imploding.

Brief Blurb: Lucifer sees a video of MC sword fighting a demon and confronts them about the hidden ability.

Lucifer's mouth was agape, disbelief written in his whole body language as he watched the last part of the Devilgram video. You, the human the demon brothers longed for, holding a demon captive in your mercy. The sword you held pointed to the demon's throat. "Had enough yet? Or should I finish you off?"

He didn't believe his brothers when they had told him you beat a demon in a duel. Sure, when you had performed the TSL musical, it was evident you had experience with swordsmanship... but he hadn't expected this. Slowly, he handed Asmodeus his phone, staring at his desk as thoughts raced through his head. "Where is _____ now?"

"They're in their room. They came home with me." He twirled a lock of hair around his finger and bit his lip, humming with thought. "It was so... mesmerizing in person. The video doesn't give nearly as much feeling as the real thing."

A small twinge of jealousy snapped in Lucifer's chest. He felt stupid feeling such a way over this, but... the least he could do is tell you how impressed he was. "I'm going to go see them. You mind your own business." He stood, eying his little brother. "Seriously. Go paint your nails or something."

Lucifer made his way towards your room, trying to figure out what to say. What was he supposed to say in the first place, really? Slowly, he approached your bedroom door, then knocked carefully to avoid scaring you. He felt his stomach flutter when you opened the door, half undressed from your uniform. "Lucifer? Did I do something?"

"Yes, actually. I wanted to talk to you about the video spreading all over social media." He flickered his gaze away from you, attempting to contain himself. It wasn't even all that revealing, but for whatever reason only partial uniform felt risqué to him. "It can wait until you have finished changing, however..."

The statement caused you to look down, and your face filled with confusion. "It's just a shirt and pants?"

He cleared his throat, then exhaled for a long moment before returning his gaze to you. "I only meant to be polite, since I interrupted you."

"You are so weird." You leaned against the doorframe. "Anyways, what's the big deal with the video?"

He perked an eyebrow. "You don't know why I'm bringing this up at all?"

"Well I know someone filmed me dueling that demon but it's not a huge deal." You shrugged a little. "They couldn't get a single hit on me, if that's what you're worried about."

"No, I watched the video. I know they did not hurt you." He laid a hand on your shoulder. "Your skill was very impressive. Why hadn't you mentioned your experience to me sooner? I'd be much less concerned for your safety."

Still not at all understanding why he was making a fuss, you blinked. "I didn't think it was a huge deal. Plus it's not like I can carry around a sword all the time, that's silly."

"It is not silly." He huffed. "This whole time I've been concerned about demons attempting to eat you, while you had a self defense ability? I could have very well gotten Lord Diavolo to cooperate and allow you to carry a sword."

You blinked a few more times, then the realization hit you hard. "Oh."

He hummed, running his fingers down your jaw. "Besides that matter... I am very proud of you for standing your ground, despite that kind of behavior being a pain in my ass most of the time. You troublemaker." He cupped your cheek, and your face heated up. "While I... do attempt to keep my hands to myself as much as I can, I will admit it was... seductive to watch you perform so diligently." You watched him step closer, his cheeks slightly red. "Is this... okay?"

You giggled, then pulled him closer to yourself, before pressing your lips against his. The avatar of pride blushed, deepening the kiss and cupping the back of your head. You felt your face flush even more, biting at his bottom lip with the smallest bit of desperation. He complied to the gesture, opening his mouth for you and mewling quietly once your tongues touched.

This would have gone on for a while, but you heard a camera shutter snap. Both of you broke away from each other, then caught Asmodeus' figure escaping around the corner. "ASMODEUS."

[mmriesoftvat]

" ... what if... " He begins observing Kazuha intently, as he always does. He's never met someone who feels so... oddly SIMILAR to him in ways he cannot describe. Kazuha appreciates nature, THRIVES in it, just like he does. He is artistic, well articulated, and a brilliant conversationalist, to the point Albedo knows there will never be awkward pockets of silence between them, or forced discussions. Everything comes naturally between them, and he cannot deny that there's... a pull. A connection.

Yet...

" ... what if... that which is out of reach is better left out of reach? " He knows he isn't being fair, speaking in such a roundabout way, but there is MUCH Kazuha does not know that Albedo fears telling him. That he has let the ronin get this close was a mistake, in and of itself, because despite how much he STRUGGLES with emotions and feelings... even he knows there comes a point of no return eventually.

They're tiptoeing dangerously CLOSE to that point.

" ... nevermind. My thoughts can be... irritatingly and needlessly complex a lot of the time. I may be... overthinking it. " // it's about time Albedo and Kazuha had a talk, tbh.

Kazuha dimly recalls a long forgotten tale, something about a tin soldier and a ballerina. While he can't remember all the details of that story, he remembers a fire and a heart within the ashes. Kazuha doesn't want to go up in flames only to be left with a broken heart. It's an outcome that's certainly sure to happen if neither of them actually address this -- though Kazuha really doesn't want to. It's complicated and already difficult to bring up, to be direct feels very much like a confrontation.

Confrontation is such an ugly word, too. It feels too final, too set in stone and closes a lot of doors that Kazuha would rather stay open. But then again, wouldn't both of them be able to just move on after that? The ache would sting, but it'd be final. It'd also be the very last option Kazuha wants to take.

It's not like Albedo is directly saying no. Kazuha knows, or at least is sure of, Albedo's meaning. What is unclear is the reason why. Kazuha wants something, and Albedo is more hesitant. The why being a mystery feels Kazuha with some vague terror, like something is incredibly out of reach and so wrong. He is just a wandering ronin, he isn't interested in wars or politics or whatever cosmic horrors may come. Those concepts have always been beyond his understanding. Those cosmic themes had taken the life of someone he cared very much about, over some uncomfortable 'eternity'.

So why is Albedo's phrasing bringing about that same faint dread? Kazuha tries to shake it off. Albedo is very much human like him. They're friends at the very least, and both have brilliant minds. If there's anything more serious to discuss, it can wait until they have this conversation first. Albedo's words have to mean just that: that maybe he can't give Kazuha want he desires. Or is very resistant to the idea for personal reasons.

"Your thoughts are fine," Kazuha says, daring to take a step closer. "I have no problem with the way you apply logic and reason to everything." It's part of why Kazuha adores the other man. "I am simply..." he trails off, lifting a hand before letting it drop back to his side. "...another man with yearning in his heart."

He'd said it. He'd said it directly, without trying to hide it behind whimsical poetry and riddles. He could have likened the situation to leaves again, considering he's still holding one, but his word choice felt appropriate.

"I do not wish to put you out," he continues, glancing downward. The leaf is placed back into his pocket. No doubt it will be crushed with the slightest amount of pressure, but he's used to gathering more leaves along the way. It's not like he keeps them for long, anyway. "I want to be selfish sometimes, and announce what and whom I desire. Is that a horrible feeling?"

[worldofroma]

September 3rd, 2023 Sunday - 9:07pm

school starts on tuesday. what the fuck. i haven’t updated in a while, but man do i have a lot of shit to talk about. so…that dude i was friends with… yeah we dated. my entire work found out which was quite humiliating and annoying but for some reason, his ex was the least bothered by it, in front of me. in front of my other friends who work there…not so much. but hey less conflict and confrontational drama for me right? plus, i said dated, i broke up with him after 3 weeks. yeah. and i kind of feel awful but at the same time i don’t. after i broke up with him (over text btw), i went to the CNE in toronto and got to pay 20$ for a palm reading from a psychic and it felt like a slap in the face.

first of all, she starts off by saying that i need to stop being such a mean person. in other words, she called me a bitch. subtly. and she told me that she can see i have a softer and sweeter side to me and that i should be showing that much more often, but to not let others take advantage of it and let myself become a mother for others. “they have a mother, they do not need you to be a second or third one”. i almost threw up when she said that. she said that i have a lot of work to do when it came to self love and care, thanks. i’m aware. but then she added that i’ll be travelling around the world and i won’t be alone, but she couldn’t tell if i’d be with a lover or a friend. 🤷‍♀️. my step dad said there’s no way i’d travel with a man so i guess i’m either going with a friend or somehow switching sides in the next few years, but i can’t see that ever happening. but then after that she decided to go ahead and tell me that i’ll be happily married at some point in my life with four children. four fucking children. no thank you i like having a uterus that’s inside me not one that’ll fall out spontaneously by the time i’m having a midlife crisis. she also said something about business but i can’t remember exactly what it was she said but it was positive.

but fuck, this wasn’t even the worst part since the last time i’ve wrote an entry, this has just been sitting at the front of my brain since i got the reading. what’s been really important is the fact that i have most definitely been reborn. something over the course of this summer has changed me. i am not the same person i was before school ended and i’m fucking proud of it too. i’m sick of being that girl that just sat at the back of each class, behind the chaos and chatting and laughing that goes on in each of my classes. i want to actually be seen now, but only because i know i am myself now. these past few years of high school, i’ve been stuck. locked up after the disgusting lock downs. but that’s not who i am anymore. and now that i’m free from a boyfriend (i swear i’m not that much of a slut), i can do whatever the hell i want. and i love it. as toxic and stupid as it sounds, i’m literally embodying the manic pixie dream girl persona just because i feel like it. and who’s gonna stop me? that’s another thing i’ve adapted, the mindset of “why care? it’s my life not yours.” i’ve been thinking of changing my name for a while bc of course my real name is not roma, but i want it to be, and many people i know have told me that that’s a stupid idea. it’s cringy. it’s weird. okay… you expect me to care why? it’s my life, my name, why does it matter to you if i change it or not? it’s not like i’ll be treating my real name like a deadname or anything, people i know now can still call me by my real name, but once i’m in university, that name and version of myself is gone. i’ll be roma, and i’ll be whoever the hell i decide to be with each day that passes. and i don’t mean to say that in some kind of emo way either, like it’s some kind of depressive phase of “oh, i feel so trapped here in this stupid small town 💔🥀🫠, i just want to disappear and become a whole new person 😈🚬🪦”. like no. lmfao. i think that’s what a lot of people think when i tell them these things, but trust me, its not. my ideas are more along the lines of taking advantage of the freedom we are given but without crossing the line of “acceptable” behaviour. it’s really just the hippie life style ig. on another topic of being whoever i decide to be, i’ve come to realize how much power i actually could have if i just didn’t care so much. i have a tendency to overthink things, overcare about things, make things awkward because i overthink things way too much. but i’m done with that shit, who really cares? the only thing that matters this year at school is my grades, nothing else. after i graduate, what are the chances i see anyone i go to school with now for the rest of my life? probably extremely slim with my plans for the future including travelling and never fucking returning to bruce county. nothing fucking matters.

back to the topic of how i become a mother for everyone, i hate that. i’ve been researching a lot about it and the correct term for it is parentification and occurs when a child and parents roles are reversed. for example, the child is the one who listens to the parents problems while theres are pushed away or labeled as “nothing to worry about”. i hate that i went through that and i hate that it’s made me unconsciously become everyone around me’s mother. worst part about it is that after i saw the psychic and began thinking about it more, i realized that while i was in the relationship with the dude from my work, i was most definitely just acting like a mother he can touch however he likes which is absolutely disgusting. and i wished i had realized it sooner. hopefully, i can somehow change that.

but yeah, that’s how my august has been. pretty self discovering and yet somehow uneventful. lovely.

[thewolfisawake]

REFLECT for Aspis

send REFLECT for me to explain a traumatic event in my muses’s past and talk about their perception of events,  which parts have stayed with them longest and how it affects them now.  (  sender can request specific scenes/backstory  )

It's more of what haven't I used for trauma at this point? I am only half-joking too. But for this one, I'll go with the more recent one and how it has altered all the prior. The most recent would be the mess with the clans and being buried alive and because of his psuedo-immortality curse, survived it all.

I believe I've touched on it giving or rather adding to his other problems. Like having nightmares about his vain attempts to claw his way out. He doesn't clearly remember it, at least not when he's actively trying to recall it. Because while he was going in and out of consciousness the entire time and kinda had to live through 'failures' of his body that entire time....that was months. The stress of it all would've probably driven him insane if he actually remembered it all.

Which makes dealing with it...hard for Aspis. He can't really convey what he went through outside of the recovery he was conscious for. He also is sensitive to people's dispositions and the like. So he wouldn't want to bring it up because if Aya heard what he actually went through, she'd never forgive herself. If his friends heard the real extent, they'd be either angry or scared. To him, it isn't worth the effort for something that doesn't hinder his functioning. But it's clear it does rattle him as he can't even get through telling the gleaning details without feeling weak in his legs and trouble breathing.

And the side step with the incident and one that has to be tackled was that Aspis had/has amnesia and couldn't recall most of anything. This made it easier to reside within the clans' manor despite some of them being responsible for what happened in the first place. But has unwittingly put dampers elsewhere. What I mean is that Aspis has only really started to recall things because of his exposure to some link in his memory. For example, he could recall some of his adolescent memories because Daza, his mentor as a teenager, had visited him and jogged some of those memories. And that is essentially how the memories he has has come back. And even those are not complete. 

So he has been a bit different because of it. He doesn’t have the full picture to remember how his adolescence shot his self-esteem. Nor does he remember how tactful he was with his emotional understanding with his friends to know he DIDN’T confront them about their problems. What may not have been noticed because Aspis tends to run in the background to the other’s shenanigans is his distance with his friends because, in a sense, he doesn’t know them. He’s personable enough to connect with them again and their presence and their own stories have helped him recall some things...but it isn’t quite the same. And because of Aspis being different headspace wise, he takes how they treat him differently from how he originally did. It can be good, it can be bad. 

A lot of things can be chalked up as getting his head rattled from others. Confidence is what can be said in chat. Although something that hasn’t really been brought up because there hasn’t been an organic way of bringing it up are these holes in memory since Aspis wouldn’t think he’s missing something unless any of the kids brought up something he didn’t already hear. And unfortunately he doesn’t have someone to really jog his memory for his home since, well, no one is around from his home. I have been working on a workaround but it is a maybe right now. 

But if I did...if we could piece that....hooooooo the wreck this boy would be. Long story short, memory loss is one hell of a device that can cause some unintended side effects.