#i assume for gender reasons. and i understand where that comes from. if someone called me ''girl'' while arguing i wouldn't like it

[punctuation-completionist]

you don’t have to answer this ask but wow how are you supposed to be the bad guy fucking apologizing for reacting badly to being told to kill yourself?? i hate this website

well okay hold up i never said i was the bad guy. i said there were misunderstandings on both sides and that i was sorry for an issue in one part of how i handled it. just one.

[m1ssunderstanding]

Understanding Lennon McCartney Rewatch Part 3.2

The thing is Paul just physically can't say what he feels. It's just an impossibility for him. So if he says reading a negative article about himself “doesn't help” or “it's not good” but it “doesn't get home” I just assume he means ‘It hurts, but I can't think about that too hard or I'll go into a self-hate suicidal spiral again’. 

I always love how Paul says Linda. “Linder is er, nature mad.” 

She!!

Hearing Paul talk about watching Mary be born makes me wonder if John was there with Sean? Also I wonder if Linda would talk about the experience so glowingly. Probably. She's tough as nails. I had a lovely experience, personally, after the epidural lol

“Dear friend . . . I'm in love with a friend of mine.” This is such a strange and beautiful song. It's a man who has to apologize to his friend for falling in love with someone else. At least, that's my interpretation. What's everyone else's?

I understand why he's so closed off. I do. But when John is going off every five seconds, we're missing half the picture here and it's turning out warped. They really are such a good study of attachment honestly.

“Nothing will ever break the love we have for each other.” White-knuckling my way through this section with this quote clenched in my fist.

Yoko, talking about John fighting with Paul: any couple will go from swearing to kissing and it's like that. What favors are you doing yourself here, babe? Maybe John's the PR mastermind between the two of them.

I find John's comparison of working with his romantic partner to being ambidextrous very confusing. Does he mean just doing two things at once?

“If I can't have a fight with my best friend, I don't know who I can have a fight with.” -- Intro slutty gender-fluid Wings Paul my beloved -- “Tell me why, why, why do you treat me so bad? So bad? When you're the best friend a man ever had?” I heard on some podcast somewhere. Someone was going on about how forward-thinking the Beatles were to refer to the women in their songs as “friends”. And I was like, nununununu do not give them that credit.

This is just soooo. In this era? 90 minutes in the middle of a recording session?

John: Sorry, my estranged fiance is calling, gotta take a break. Guitarist: again? Drummer: how estranged can they be if they call every three minutes? Yoko: should we just record the other parts or . . . John: (receiver cradled to his cheek, lovesick grin on his face) Hey, how was Heather's school program? Haha, yeah, I bet she was.

Okay, so you've made up with Paul and now you're done being homophobic? *Cardi b voice* well that's suspicious. 

The fact that John's asking Paul to play on stage with him in 1972?? Ugh! If it was just about legalities and money and shit I would be genuinely so pissed at Paul for not going. If only because Come Together sounds incredibly lame without his bass and piano. But also for the obvious fix-it reasons. I have to remind myself of how truly awful Klein was. By being the only one to stand firm against him, Paul actually ended up saving them all from a lot of trouble. But gosh would this have been good!

Things normal people say, for sure, for sure.

Okay in my head it went like this. John calls George and bitches about what an egomaniac Paul is because he won't do anything with him as long as Klein is involved. George gets off the phone and calls Ringo and they make a bet as to how long it is until John decides they should get rid of Klein. 

“Where's your audience, Paul?” “In the theater, Dave.” As he should. The cuntiness is unparalleled. Yeah, maybe people like to see a family friendly eclectic magic pixie sexy hard rock floor show? Ever thought about that, Dave?

Anyway, he seems genuinely pissed when the interviewer even mentions the other Beatles and he refuses to even admit he still talks to any of them. Why? 

John's just so benevolent and selfless. He's completely straight, of course, but he's always offering to do gay shit. You know. To be nice. 

I forget that not only was May their literal employee, but she was ten years younger on top of that. And yet, she managed to do so much good in that relationship. I have so much respect for her. 

There's obviously a lot going on behind the scenes that they don't say in interviews. Duh. But I wonder what it is that caused Paul to be so open and happy in this interview where he's asked about the other Beatles compared to before. I wonder if he and John had a really lovely talk, or if he's heard a demo of “I know, I know.” Or maybe it's just he's so reassured that they've got rid of Klein that he feels safe acting open to a reunion on record. Who knows, Yoko. 

So so smart to pair “In My Life” handwritten lyrics with the matching lyrics of “I know I know” playing at the same time. I forget about that connection (“I love you more”) because it's so overshadowed by the “than yesterday” right after. I seriously wonder if John thought he was being so obvious with this one the way he was with HDYS and half hoped people would ask him if it was about Paul and he could make up for the whole thing. Because it's just so heavy-handed. It's beautiful. I love it. I'm sure Paul loved it. But yeah. John's just beating us over the head with the references here. 

I also wonder (very tentatively!!!) if Paul was maybe a bit more emotionally vulnerable with John than we usually think. I would never think this except for the “you know I nearly broke down and cried” “I'm sorry that I made you cry” and “no more crying!” I don't know. What do we think? 

His little baby smirk. It's so silly and cute. He's being very positive about getting back together, and the interviewer asks if John would initiate that. Just a very coy, “a, well, I couldn't say.” I wonder if at that point if he'd said on live tv that he wanted to get together again if it would've happened. Seems like it might have, but I understand him being scared. 

Elton John taking pictures like a fan and John: I wanna impound all those photos till I get me green card. What a random idea for a commercial. I love it, obviously, it's hilarious. I wonder who thought of it. 

This doc is so good at implication. The smirk as “loving in the palm of my hand” plays. That's not a reference to hand jobs, is it? Certainly not talking to someone with beautiful hands?

Everyone go look up Nineteen Hundred Eighty Five on YouTube. The singing sex is something else, yeah, but I'm always so blown away by the piano part. The fact that he's self taught and doesn't read music and this man will go on to compose symphonies. 

[odyssean-flower]

The Winding Path of Fate Chapter 4 - Spring: Moving In

Masterpost Pairing: Neuvillette x Female Reader Summary: You move into Neuvillette's (surprisingly modest) house Warnings: None except for restrictive gender roles, also for some reason Fontaine’s regency england (sort of) now? Note: I update this story on AO3 first so please subscribe to the fic there if you’d like to read it faster Note 2: If you want to be on the taglist for this fic, please make a reply to this post, send a message or send a private ask

Have a pic of neuvillette standing on the skull of the guy who failed to prevent his birth (or something like that)

Previous | Next

Neuvillette had a busy schedule today, so he couldn’t accompany you to his house. So, he had the Melusine Liath show you the way. Come to think of it, it was kind of funny how you didn’t even know where he lived even though you were married to him now.

“I have to go back home to get my things first,” you told Liath.

“Sure thing, Madame Neuvillette,” Liath said cheerfully, dropping her voice lower when she called you Madame. Madame Neuvillette. Those words gave you a sense of vertigo. Better get used to it for the foreseeable future.

Liath had been quiet during the earlier ordeal, but now she was humming and skipping alongside you.

“Congratulations on your marriage! I do wish that there could be a grander ceremony, though, and that all my sisters could be there as well. Hehe, they were so jealous when I told them that Monsieur Neuvillette asked me to be the witness.”

“Ah...sorry about that,” you said. “It must have been very dull and underwhelming for you.”

“No, it’s fine. I know how busy Monsieur Neuvillette is. I don’t think he would hold an extravagant ceremony even if he did have time. He prefers to stay out of the spotlight, you know?”

You thought about the first time you met him and your subsequent run-ins with him and had to agree. It was a strange quirk for someone with such a high-profile job, but perhaps he simply wanted to avoid the public gaze after spending most of his time being at the center of it. But why take such a job, then?

“Yes, I can tell,” you said. “I can relate to that.”

You and Liath went down the elevator and headed for the direction of your boarding house. No one looked or paid much attention to you at all. You had half-expected a giant spotlight to shine down on you as soon as you left the Palais Mermonia or a loudspeaker to announce that you were Neuvillette’s new wife. The world hadn’t changed after your marriage, even though the new ring on your finger felt like a shining beacon.

Of course, you weren’t so naïve as to assume that this would remain the case for the rest of your marriage. It would certainly get out sooner or later. You had no idea what you would do when that time came but opted to leave that aside for now.

“You know, Madame, I’ve seen you at the Palais many times before. To tell you the truth, I was a bit afraid to say hello to you because you always had that scary look on your face, but now I can see that you’re not like that at all. You’re a bit like Monsieur Neuvillette in that way. Humans are always too intimidated to approach him, but he is really very friendly.”

This wasn’t the first time you were told that you had a face that put people off. You honestly didn’t understand what they were talking about. As far as you knew, your expression was just how you always looked. But it might be a problem when it comes time to teach children. You made a mental note to work on it later.

“He is certainly more approachable than I expected,” you nodded, slowing down a little bit so that Liath wouldn’t be left behind. “And thoughtful to boot.”

Liath beamed. “Ah, that’s just what I’d expect from Monsieur Neuvillette’s wife! You really do understand him well!”

I wouldn’t go that far, you thought, but said nothing. You knew that the Melusines were close to Neuvillette, but how much did they really know about the truth behind this marriage? Should you try to find out what Liath knew?

But before you could say anything, you had arrived at your boarding house. It was a small, old building that housed twenty or so young women at any given time, and it had been your home for more than a year.

You asked Liath to wait outside and went in. You had already paid the remainder of your rent to the landlady, so all that was left to do was to get your already packed suitcase and sign out. Most of the other girls were out at work during this time, so you thankfully didn’t have to worry about running into anyone and having to make awkward conversation about why you were leaving.

A respectable young lady of a noble family technically should have found lodging with another family of similar rank. But you didn’t have any connections in the city that could take you in, and though you would never admit it, it was kind of fun having to live on your own and being responsible only for your own needs. Having to scrimp and be frugal wasn’t the most pleasant thing in the world, but that feeling of freedom, of having to assert yourself? It was like breathing in cold air after spending a long time being suffocated.

To think you wouldn’t be able to experience that feeling again for a long time, now that you were married to the most powerful man in the nation (a fact that you still couldn’t wrap your head around). And even after this marriage was over, your job as a governess meant that you’d be at the mercy of whatever family you were assigned to.

Don’t think about it too much, you told yourself. Just keep looking at what’s in front of you and keep moving.

Your room was small and cramped, with most of the space dominated by the bed, closet, and desk. But it at least had a window, which made you more fortunate than some of the other boarders. Plus, you didn’t need to share it with anyone.

Your belongings were packed into your battered leather suitcase. You hadn’t brought much with you when you moved here, and you hadn’t bought many new things either. You wouldn’t need help carrying your suitcase, at the very least.

Picking up your suitcase, you turned back to look at your room one last time. The covers were neatly tucked under the mattress, the floor was swept clean, and everything you owned was in your hands. It looked just like how it was when you first moved in here, like there was never anyone living here at all. It probably wouldn’t be long before someone else moved in.

There was a weightless, hollow feeling in your chest as you walked down the narrow hallway that led to the front door. You felt like a ghost haunting the place where you once lived, like your existence had already been erased. This was a familiar feeling, one that you had felt at balls, dinners, and other social gatherings. A feeling that was your constant companion when you studied alone in your room while everyone else was out. You suspected that you would become even more acquainted with this feeling in the coming days and months.

Stop being so dramatic, you shook your head to get rid of this mood. You knew what you were signing up for. Just grit your teeth and get through it like you’ve always done.

Just then, you ran into a girl who was coming out of her room. “Oh, hey,” she said, then took a better look at you. “Wow, you’re dressed nicely today. And you’re moving out too. What’s the occasion?”

You weren’t exactly friends with this girl, but you had gone out with her and some other boarders for desserts from time to time, and it was fun listening to them gossip about the latest trends or scandals, even if you barely contributed. You wonder if she’d remember you for long after you leave.

A ready excuse was on your tongue, but you hesitated. The hollow feeling welled up inside you once again. But for some reason, you somewhat felt like defying it.

You looked the girl straight in the eye and said, “I got married.”

Liath was chattering away as you two walked to Neuvillette’s house, but you couldn’t concentrate on what she was saying. Your heart was beating too quickly as you finally came to terms with what you had done today.

I’m actually married. I’m actually married to the Chief Justice of Fontaine.

You snuck one quick glance back at the receding boarding house. A surge of sudden homesickness welled up within you. You shook your head to clear it away and tried to think about something else.

At least you could enjoy the nice weather today. For the past week before your marriage, it had been cloudy and downcast, which hadn’t really helped your mood or nerves. You closed your eyes and tilted your head towards the sun, basking in the warmth.

The scenery around you gradually changed from familiar and welcoming shopfronts and apartment buildings to the stately and gated mansions of the Fontainian elites as you ascended towards the upper part of the city. The houses here weren’t as big as the country homes outside the city where the nobles spent most of the year, but they were still impressive. You tried not to gawk at all the finery around you, but it was difficult not to make comparisons to your small family home, located in a sleepy village just outside of the city.

I’m Madame Neuvillette now, you told yourself. Act more like it.

You straightened your back and stared directly ahead.

“We’re here!” Liath said, stopping in front of a wrought iron gate. “This is where Monsieur Neuvillette lives!”

There was a long white gravel path that disappeared up ahead, lined on both sides by trees. Neuvillette’s house was more isolated than you imagined.

Liath took out a key from her pocket and inserted it into a small door set into the gate that you hadn’t noticed until now. It was just the right size for a Melusine. Did Neuvillette have that installed for them? That’s really sweet, you thought with a surprising rush of warmth.

“I’ll run ahead and tell Ms. Marie that you’re here,” Liath told you. “She’s the housekeeper.”

“Okay,” you nodded, and watched as Liath ran down the path.

Left alone, you sat down on your suitcase. It was quiet here. All you could hear was the chirping of birds and the hum of bees. You had already gotten used to having the chatter of your boarding house neighbors and the sounds of activity outside your window as your daily background noise. This silence was discomfiting.

I want to run away.

That thought suddenly appeared in your mind. It wasn’t the first time.

You tapped your feet on your ground, trying to reason yourself to calmness. There’s nowhere for me to go. I can’t return home, especially after this whole affair, and I don’t have the money to find another place to live.

I want to run away.

“Shut up,” you growled to yourself. “You can’t change anything now.”

“Pardon me, Madame?” A woman’s voice came from behind you.

“Ah...” you jump up and spun around. Liath was back, accompanied by a middle-aged woman with brown hair and a friendly-looking face. “Hello,” you greeted her. “I’m--”

“I already know who you are, Madame Neuvillette,” the woman interrupted with a smile. Then, before your amazed eyes, she curtsied deeply. “I am Marie, Monsieur Neuvillette’s housekeeper. Welcome to your new home.”

She unlocked the gate and let you inside.

“I’ll be taking my leave now. I must get back to my post,” Liath announced.

You felt a jolt of shock upon hearing those words. You hardly knew Liath, but with her departure, you would truly be left all alone. There would be no going back.

The feeling of distress was so acute that it must have shown on your face, because Liath smiled at you reassuringly. “Don’t worry, Madame. Ms. Marie is really nice, and Monsieur Neuvillette’s house is incredibly comfortable. You’ll settle in quickly, I’m sure. And I think Monsieur Neuvillette would try his best to come home early today.”

Take me with you! You wanted to shout, but instead you plastered on a smile and said, “Thank you, Miss Liath. Have a safe trip back.”

“Bye!” Liath waved, then skipped off.

Marie closed the gate, then said, “Shall we go, then?” She picked up your suitcase and started walking back down the road. You hurried after her.

The white gravel road was somewhat dark due to the shade of the tall verdant trees on both sides. However, dappled sunlight still shined down through the leaves. It would be a calming, peaceful walk under any other circumstances, but you were a bundle of nerves. You should probably be asking Marie a million questions right now or at least making friendly conversation, like a proper lady, but try as you might, you couldn’t get the words out. Funny, you hadn’t felt this nervous when you moved to the city by yourself for the first time, or even during your marriage ceremony.

Marie didn’t seem to find your silence strange, though. She simply looked back and gave you friendly smiles every now and then and didn’t attempt to strike up a conversation. Perhaps she could tell how tense you were, which made you feel worse. The ability to maintain a veneer of calmness was one of your strengths.

Eventually, the road reached its end. Before you stood an elegant two-story mansion, yellow-bricked and blue-roofed. It had a wraparound porch that looked out onto a prettily arranged flowerbed, as well as a birdbath. The mansion was encircled by trees that cast their shade over it, giving it a somewhat gloomy appearance.

All in all, it was certainly a stately mansion, if a bit plainer than what one would expect for the residence of the Iudex.

“Huh...” a breath slipped out of you.

“Not what you were expecting, Madame?” Marie laughed.

You felt your face turn red. “No, no! It’s just that...I assumed that there would be more floors, and columns, and such...” you cleared your throat. “There must not be very many servants working here, then.”

“Not at all. It’s just me, and occasionally some hired help for the garden.”

“Just you?” you exclaimed.

“Yes. Monsieur Neuvillette prefers a solitary lifestyle, and he does not stay at home for very long due to his busy schedule, so there is no need for a lot of hands here. Ah, perhaps that will change now that you are here.”

“Oh, no, I doubt it. I can take care of myself just fine. There’s no need to change anything just for me.”

It was true, even back home, your family only had a single elderly housekeeper who had been around since your grandfather’s time, so you were already used to cooking for yourself and doing household chores. The thought of having to manage servants gave you a headache, so this came as a relief.

“You’re a lot like him, so humble and self-effacing. I can see why Monsieur Neuvillette took such a liking to you,” Marie said.

You smiled awkwardly but said nothing. This was the second time so you had been told something like that to you today. Does Marie know the truth about this marriage? I need to ask Monsieur Neuvillette about this later.

There were too many unknowns here for your liking.

You followed Marie inside the house. The interior was tastefully decorated but not ostentatious like the mansion that held the ball you attended last month. For someone with such a complicated outfit, his taste in fashion does not seem to extend elsewhere, you thought.

“I’ll bring your suitcase to your room, and then I will show you around the house, if that’s all right with you, Madame?”

“Yes, that sounds good, Marie,” you nodded.

You climbed the wooden staircase to the second floor. There was a set of double doors at the far left end, which you presumed to be the master bedroom. But to your surprise, Marie headed to the right and opened a door at the end.

“This is your room, Madame,” she announced, setting your suitcase down on the end of the queen-sized bed.

The room was much bigger than your old room at the boarding house. It consisted of a large bed with a floral bedspread, a wooden desk, an empty bookshelf, a vanity, and a closet. There was a closed door in the corner. You caught a glimpse of a window seat behind lacy curtains. Everything looked elegant and little-used.

It suddenly struck you. You had been so preoccupied with the marriage of convenience itself that the fact that you would have to sleep in the same room as your husband never occurred to you. But you supposed that you didn’t have to worry about that now.

“Monsieur Neuvillette wished for you to be comfortable during your stay here, so he had this guest room prepared for you,” Marie said, as though reading your thoughts. “I’m glad to see it getting used now.”

The word “stay” caught your attention. Stay implied temporality. Did Marie know everything? Before you could ask her, she gestured towards the closed door. “That’s where the bathroom is.”

Marie went on to show you around the house. As you guessed, Neuvillette’s private quarters, including his bedroom and study, were in the left wing. The drawing room, kitchen, dining room, and Marie’s room were all downstairs. There was also a garden in the back.

After the tour was done, Marie told you that lunch would be ready in a few hours. You decided to rest in your room. You were suddenly feeling exhausted.

Once you got to your room, you closed the door behind you and flopped onto the bed. It was incredibly soft and comfortable. It felt like you could sink down into it forever.

Is this what it’s like to stay in a hotel? You thought. You had never had that experience, but you thought that this was what it would be like, this mixture of giddiness from being in a new environment and the distant acceptance that you wouldn’t be here for long.

After lying on the bed for a few minutes, you decide to unpack your things and look around. The closet was far too big for your few articles of clothing, which looked tragically out of place inside the mahogany interior. You placed your books, including your beloved Remurian history books, on the bookshelf. You went into the bathroom to put away your toiletries and was greeted with the sight of a large, claw-footed bathtub, neatly arranged shelves of bath products, and a wide marble sink.

You closed the door firmly behind you and flopped back down onto the bed. The thought of moving again sounded like torture.

How did things turn out this way? You thought. I’m completely out of my element here.

The hollow feeling returned, stronger than ever. You buried your face in your pillow.

It would be one thing if you were brought here to work. But being a wife? Such aspirations, if they ever existed, had died out long ago within you. You weren’t sure you could even pretend to be one anymore.

It was funny how fate, seemingly so straightforward for you, could take this unexpected turn. You devoted yourself to becoming a governess out of the belief that you would never marry, and yet here you were, married to the Chief Justice himself (albeit temporarily). All the uncertainties and anxieties about the situation whirled through your mind. What would happen if people found out? Would you ever get hired by a family after this was over? Neuvillette said he would keep this marriage a secret as much as possible, but considering how it was the Hydro Archon who ordered him to get married, that would mean that you would have to meet her one day, as well as whatever high-society friends you had. Not to mention the fact that when all of this would inevitably come out, how would you deal with all that attention?

You buried your head in your pillow. It felt like you had dug yourself into a deeper hole.

Something your mother said came back to you. It had been during one of your arguments over giving up your future, when you had tried to explain that it was your destiny to become a spinster.

“Fate isn’t something so set in stone, my dear. Anything can drive it off course.”

You weren’t sure you believed that. In your opinion, some people were just destined to serve certain roles in life.

Role...

Yes, being Neuvillette’s wife was just another role. You needed to just think of this as a side path to your true goal. Sometimes, you had to go through temporary obstacles to achieve something. One year wasn’t so long, after all. Perhaps whatever you gained from this side path could help you in the future. You could try to make connections with the upper-class people in Neuvillette's circle, securing a good placement for yourself after this was all over. Or at least this could make for a funny story to tell people much later in life.

You sat up on the bed. Just like how you brute-forced your way into mastering all that a governess needed to know, you could brute-force your way into learning how to act as the wife of the Chief Justice. You wouldn’t be like Remus, panicking after something unexpected happened and making the worst possible decisions, leading to his downfall.

No, you would prepare as best as you could and keep moving forward. There was no other way.

The pile of paperwork on Neuvillette’s desk didn’t decrease in any way, which was to be expected even after his marriage this morning.

Neuvillette methodically made his way through them. After a few hundred years of doing this, it had almost become second nature for him. What was different this time was that he found his mind wandering more often than not, and not towards the usual subjects.

Well, it is only natural for someone to be distracted when they got married a short time ago, he mused.

Neuvillette had been invited to many weddings in his time and even officiated some, so he knew that this one wasn’t particularly standard. But he thought that it was a pleasant one that suited the tastes of everyone involved. If possible, he would have liked to have the ceremony near a nice, quiet body of water, preferably in the shade, but there was no point in regretting things now.

The image of Miss [Name]--no, his wife—flashed through his mind. He hadn’t told her at the time, because he sensed that it would only make her even more uncomfortable, but he thought that blue brought out the color of her eyes and cheeks, giving her a more cheerful and sprightly air. She should wear brighter colors more often, he thought, but suspected that she would only give him that dead-eyed stare again.

It only occurred to him now that she might have chosen to wear blue today to match him. That made him feel pleased. It meant that she was going into this marriage with no hard feelings. There was something else to that feeling of pleasure as well, but Neuvillette couldn’t quite pin it down. That wasn’t anything new, though. Perhaps he would identify this feeling sometime later.

As Neuvillette signed more documents, he could keenly feel the weight of his ring on his hand, even though it was plain and simple enough that his glove could fit over it without issue. He had the rings made a short while ago and was glad that they were a good fit.

He could still remember the sensation of his wife’s hand against his own skin and the focused look on her face as she put the ring on him. How long had it been since someone had touched his skin? It wasn't an unpleasant feeling, though.

That was a good way to describe this whole affair. Not unpleasant.

He wondered how she was doing right now. He hoped she was settling in well. Though he had no doubt that she would get along well with Marie, he still couldn’t help but feel a bit anxious. Did the room suit her taste? Should he have consulted with her beforehand? There was still so much he didn’t know about her.

For example, part of the reason why he had chosen her to be his wife was because she seemed to be a person of little emotional ups and downs. In his line of work, he often had to deal with intense emotions, something that could still overwhelm him at times. However, after getting to know her better, he learned that she wasn’t as calm and placid as he expected. There was a raging turmoil underneath that seemingly tranquil surface.

But it wasn’t all negative. He smiled slightly as he recalled her spirited speech about Remuria. There was something so charming about seeing a serious person lighting up in that way.

Neuvillette moved on to the next document, which wasn’t a document at all but a note. He sighed, recognizing the handwriting. It was from Furina.

He skimmed it before putting it aside. He already knew its contents before opening it. It seems that she wishes to continue her daily harassment of me even in writing, he suppressed a sigh. Furina had a packed schedule for this month, so she probably couldn’t find the time to storm into his office, hence the note. But eventually, he would have to tell her about his marriage and most likely introduce his wife.

He decided to put such thoughts aside for now. There was no use in worrying about possibilities.

At the very least, I hope I can look forward to a peaceful time at home today.

Previous | Next

Taglist: @just-simping-over-genshin, @xalphafox, @jqnehr, @favficdump

[ingravinoveritas]

The people that keep saying not to ship Michael and David together in real life because of their relationships to Georgia and Anna are also the same ones who keep begging to have the two girls appear in the next season of GO as a couple because of Anna’s little joke of making out with Georgia. Seriously people saw that tweet of hers and immediately decided to ship them together and call them the “ineffable wives” but Michael and David have come out with soooo much more adorable moments of the love and joy they have for each other and everyone starts saying that it’s disrespectful to ship them when their “married” to females in real life 🤷‍♀️ I mean…. The hypocrisy is astounding and disturbing on levels I can’t even comprehend. The fact that Georgia, who is known to search her and David’s name on Twitter and answers back to anyone that tags or even mentions her didn’t even acknowledge Anna’s tweet says sooooooo much about this “best friend dynamic duo”. The fact that Anna is resorting to jokes about kissing another woman just for attention also…. WHEW. If this isn’t the biggest cry for attention I don’t know what is. And the fact that people feed into her attempts also and are petitioning for them to kiss and show up in GO!

Lord. I've seen so much talk about casting female actresses in regard to fem-presenting Aziraphale/Crowley over the past week, and while it is disappointing, I am not at all surprised. The first inkling I had was upon seeing the reactions when a behind the scenes photo of Crowley as Bildad the Shuhite was posted just before the release of GO 2:

It seems that a lot of folks were expecting/hoping for fem!Crowley, as we saw in Golgotha in season 1 (on the right), and when that turned out not to be the case, the reaction was to call Bildad!Crowley ugly, to say that he should shave, and other comments essentially making fun of this particular look. Obviously, much of this could have (and likely was) made in jest, but the overall consensus was clear: You can't be feminine with a beard.

(Which...I'd like to see someone tell that to Michael Sheen, because yes, the fuck you can...)

So from the outset, I was already bothered by what seemed like the hypocrisy of on the one hand celebrating a show where the characters are genderfluid/nonbinary by definition, and then on the other hand getting upset when one character doesn't fit into a prescribed, conventional idea of femininity.

When Neil subsequently mentioned that there had been a storyline for female-presenting Aziraphale and Crowley in the 1960s, it was dismaying (but again, not surprising) to see these same fans casting female actresses in the roles. Never mind that you already had David playing female!Crowley and Nanny Ashtoreth in season 1. Never mind that both Michael and David have played...well, "drag" doesn't seem like exactly the right word, but they've played women, and brilliantly subverted gender roles in their own ways. There is no reason to think that they couldn't do a fabulous job as fem!presenting Aziraphale and Crowley, except that (again) some fans seem to have a specific idea of femininity that they think does not or cannot apply to Michael and David.

Which then brings us to the apparent clamoring for Anna and Georgia as female Aziraphale and Crowley, which has again left me scratching my head. In all of the tweets and hubbub, I have not seen one person say why they think AL and Georgia would do a good job in said roles--like, "Oh, Georgia was so good as [insert role]" or "I loved Anna as [insert role]"--only that they would be "so amazing." This leads me to think that the only reason these fans want AL and Georgia in the roles is because they are Michael and David's partners. They are assuming that this is somehow a guarantee of the same profound understanding of the characters and their connection, despite there being no evidence of such a correlation. (I mean...I fooled around with my former grad school professor last year, but that doesn't mean I have a PhD...)

What it also seems to indicate is that these folks are not thinking of what is best for the characters, either, or indeed if playing female!Aziraphale and Crowley is something AL or Georgia would even want to do. Neil recently said that Georgia turned down a role in GO 2 supposedly because the character was older than her and she didn't feel it was appropriate. If this is the case, why would Georgia want to play the role of a middle-aged character? Because that is what Aziraphale and Crowley are--ageless celestial beings, yes, but beings who have chosen to present as middle-aged. That is a key part of who they are, so to have the female versions of them played by younger actresses makes no sense and seems downright disrespectful.

There is also what you said, about AL's cringey tweet from a little over a week ago. Georgia could have absolutely responded to or acknowledged it by now, as she has responded to several other tweets since then...but she hasn't. Not a reply, not even a 'like.' And I agree with you that that seems to speak volumes, and that it would probably be a good idea if people looked beyond the Staged-driven narrative of "Georgia and AL are BFFs" to see how Georgia actually seems to feel about her.

(And to echo another thing you said, I will never understand how it is somehow completely fine for fans to ship Georgia and Anna/want to see them make out despite neither of them showing that level of affection toward each other or having any visible chemistry, yet not okay to ship Michael and David who do have that chemistry and have been making their feelings for each other very obvious for the last several years...)

So yes, those are my thoughts on the whole female Aziraphale/Crowley fancasting situation. I just hope that if we do get them as fem!presenting in season 3, that it is Michael and David, because there is no way any other two actors could give us what we got with Aziraphale and Crowley the way Michael and David did. I guess we'll see what happens...

[descendant-of-truth]

So, these two pages from chapter 88 have been causing a lot of confusion due to inconsistent translations, and I've decided to set the record straight as best I can with the knowledge at my disposal.

Starting with the first page, this is where Mitsuki says that he and Eida are similar. In the next panel, he says: 「どうしてカワキを好きなのか。。。その理由が自分で分からない」

This is the first point where fan translations and the official VIZ translation differ. Fans generally seemed to agree that he's saying he doesn't understand why Eida loves Kawaki, while the official version has him say that he doesn't understand why he himself loves Kawaki.

And unfortunately, both of those are understandable translations. The first part of the sentence contains no indication of whether he's talking about himself or Eida; the most literal translation I can do is "Why is Kawaki loved... that reason, [I/you] don't understand."

The reason it's "I/you" is because he uses the word 自分 (jibun), which depending on context, can be equivalent to either "my" or "your." It's not really the same deal as 僕 (boku), Mitsuki's primary first-person indicator, which makes it extremely annoying to translate.

So, which is it? Well, as vague as it is, my best guess is actually based on the dialogue of the second page.

Thankfully, this one is much easier to answer. In the largest panel, Eida says: 「あたし達。。。超恋バナしてるね」

The conversation around this line seemed to be, "she clearly said they're talking about romantic love!" "No, she's just using a slang term akin to 'girl talk,' so she only means that they're bonding!" And guess what? They're both right!

I consulted a friend of mine who speaks Japanese natively on Eida's word choice, and he said that while "girl talk" is closer on the basis of it being a casual/slang term, it's gender-neutral and is more about people "talking about their love."

In other words, "we're both chatting about love" or "we're having a love talk" would probably be the most accurate ways to translate it.

At this point, I want to bring attention to Daemon and Mitsuki's reactions to what Eida just said:

Daemon is flabbergasted, only able to say "Huh...?" while Mitsuki blushes for a second, then turns away and says "Well... I guess it didn't matter."

What exactly would Daemon be surprised about, if not the implication that Mitsuki loves someone who isn't Eida (and a guy, no less)? Why would he be showing that surprise now, instead of when Mitsuki allegedly announced that he loved Kawaki a few pages ago?

Likewise, while Mitsuki blushing around Eida isn't unusual, he actually spent the vast majority of this conversation remarkably composed. He only blushed for a single panel when he first noticed Eida was in the area, so having it come back after he's basically called out for being in love (real love, as it was already established that they both knew his feelings for Eida are fabricated) is a very deliberate choice.

While Mitsuki doesn't always emote very much, we can assume he was taken a little off-guard here - and again, if he was already confident enough in his love for Kawaki, why this reaction? Why all the talk before now about how he wasn't sure he'd know what romance felt like without Eida's ability?

The only conclusion I can make is that, in the first page, he's not saying "I don't know why I love Kawaki" like in the VIZ translation. It's much more likely that he's saying "I don't know why you love Kawaki." That's the only way that Mitsuki's feelings for Kawaki can be treated as a reveal, to both Daemon and himself.

And given that his love for Kawaki stems from his love for Boruto, due to the memory swap... yeah, if his side of Mitsuboru wasn't canon before, I think it's safe to say that it is now. Now excuse me while I go be extremely sane and normal about this information

[thenightmarketofdathomir]

Oh great Wishmonger - I'm curious. What were the bros like when pursuing an intended mate when they were just starting out? Before Savage was magically enhanced? Before Maul's fall on Naboo? Before Feral had his first kiss? Not necessarily a first time in bed - just how did they show interest Before the galaxy cruelly shaped them into their deadliest selves?

I struggled with this one a bit, I'll be honest, anon -- I try to respond to the fantasy often but there are occasions where the headcanon is so strong that it sometimes makes it prohibitive.

Permit me to explain myself, and apologies if this wasn't what you were hoping for:

I think "mate" is a very strong term that imparts significance to a zabrak's chosen partner -- not to serve some biological imperative, because it's free of sex or gender -- but because it implies a connection that's deeper than boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other/partner/wife/husband/in singular or plural. A "mate" is someone to whom their soul is connected. It's forever.

Given what we know of Maul's upbringing under Sidious, even and especially if we considered Wrath as canon, he would not have had that opportunity. His Master's Grand Plan was too deeply inculcated. He had a purpose and he was forged for that mission alone -- and even if he had met his soul's connection in some dingy alley in the depths of an ecumenopolis somewhere, or on a prison satellite, or at an auction where he might've met his enemy for the first time, or top of a reactor shaft where he nearly lost his life... he wouldn't have recognized that flicker between him and another being that sparked recognition, and if he did, he wouldn't know what it meant. The don't call it "the Tragedy of Darth Maul" for nothing.

As for Savage and Feral, selecting a mate wasn't an option for them. They were chosen by Nightsisters as breeding stock, their candidacy determined through brutal Selection to determine the most viable Nightbrother partners. (I don't like the Nightsisters much for various reasons, but this is definitely one of them.) If we assume that Nightbrothers had any agency whatsoever, their relationships were with each other, and those connections were fleeting, given the precedent. I don't think many Nightbrothers had the opportunity to pair off with their hearts' chosen, and if they were among the clans, then the risk of losing them because of the Nightsisters government is practically a given. And I don't want to think about what it means for two people to be torn apart like that. (I mean, yes I do because the side of my work that I don't often share on this blog is driven by angst and I think there's a good story there, but it causes me pain when paired with Feral and Savage in particular, and I will fiercely protect their hearts from anyone who tries to break them.)

"But what if they could?" you're asking. "What if we re-wrote the history completely?"

Fine, then. Have it your way.

Feral would likely do something outlandish, like carving your name into the bare patch of skin over his hearts with diluted hydraatis acid to declare how very serious he is about courting you

Savage would come by your hut every day, morning, noon, and night to escort you everywhere so everyone in the village understands his claim, bringing you little trinkets that he's made for you. It's a task because you know he was keeping one eye on his little brother (doing stupid things with corrosive materials, as previously mentioned.)

Maul will drop the carcass of your enemies on your doorstep to prove his commitment and declare his intentions towards you. The bigger and more deadly they are, the greater his sentiments.

[ianthe-is-a-bitch-and-i-love-her]

Building on your response to my transfem WLW ask, you mentioned having gripes about queernorm fiction. Would you be willing to elaborate on those? I have my own, but am curious about your takes.

In the time since I started writing my response, I also received a version of this ask from @st-just, @causticgin, @theoldgodsaredisappointed, and @procyon-potor. Glad you're all interested in my ramblings.

The thing about my experience of queerness is that it is defined by not being normal. Whether people or institutions are accepting of my queerness or not, there is the awareness that it is a way of being that does not conform to societal expectations. The awareness of that, and the specific ways in which my queerness brings me into conflict with societal norms, define the queer experience for me. Queer norm fiction erases that. Oh, you kissed a girl instead of a boy? How do you feel about that? Normal? How does everyone else feel about that? Normal? Then what exactly do we have in common? What part of that experience is meaningfully queer? It's great for validation, don't get me wrong - I would've loved a bit of queer norm fiction when I was 14. But I don't read queer fiction for validation anymore; I read it to see characters and situations that are resonant, and the closest queernorm ever gets to that is "I also kiss girls", which is worth nothing if you strip away all the social and personal implications that come with that statement.

This becomes really, really obvious if you try to include trans characters in a queer norm story. I noted The Final Strife as being unusual for having a trans character, and the reason for that feels self-evident: How do you include an explicitly trans character in a setting where that is apparently so normal and unremarkable that no one would even note it? There are workarounds, but I'm trying not to get too into the weeds here. Suffice to say that in the best case scenario you get a character who textually used to identify with one gender and now identifies with another, and whose lived experience of that has basically nothing in common with my own, or any other trans person I've met.

A lot of queer norm settings are also held together by some very convenient handwaving that the inclusion of trans people stretches. In most queer norm stories I've read, no one ever gets hit on by someone of a gender they're not interested in, and no one ever gets misgendered because their preferred pronouns are apparently immediately obvious even to people who they've never met. And I get the impulse, I really do! Those things are aggravating in real life! But they also aren't always malicious - at one of my old jobs, my presentation was so respectable and normative that everyone assumed unprompted that I had a husband! And I know so many trans people of so many different stripes whose presentation just doesn't cause most people to use the right pronouns without being prompted. So what about those people? Do trans people with indeterminate or quote-unquote "mismatched" presentation not exist in these so-called queer norm settings? Doesn't feel very queer to me.

I feel like a lot of this arises from authors who don't want to sit down and do the worldbuilding for a setting where queerness as we understand it is genuinely normalized. What a lot of these authors want to do - and I don't hold this against them - is take a straight story they've seen a thousand times and drop someone like them into it instead. And they don't want any queerphobia in the story because the straight stories don't have it, and they just want a version of that with queer characters instead. I understand this impulse. I have no gripe with these stories. But they will never appeal to or represent me, because I don't think someone like me could exist in a queer norm world.

I think it's fine that people take the queer norm approach to books that are just "I want a story like this but gay", but I do take issue when people apply queer norm to a book that's meant to have teeth. In CL Clark's The Unbroken, a very well-written book exploring the way imperialist countries destroy other cultures and strip them for parts, I thought the queer norm setting was a missed opportunity. In its sequel The Faithless, a much less well-written book about... Well, let's just say the cracks caused by that decision showed through a lot more. If you want me to believe that, in a hereditary monarchy, it is completely irrelevant that one claimant is unmarried with multiple rotating partners and no children or any apparent interest in having them, while the other is settled and has a child, then I'm going to need some worldbuilding to back that up.

But again, I understand that plenty of queer people don't want to write about queer oppression. We all certainly deal with it enough in our real lives; I understand wanting a break from it in your fiction. The solution, I think, is not queer norm fiction, but speculative fiction. You want trans characters with a recognizably trans experience but no prejudice? Well, what would a society like that look like? How would their values be different from ours, what kind of governance and social structures and priorities would arise from those values, and maybe most importantly, what kind of people would be considered transgressive by that society?

That's the step that I feel like a lot of speculative fiction skips, unfortunately. Every society has an idea of what a normal life within it can look like, and that idea is never going to be all inclusive. I love the Oriati in Baru Cormorant, I love the way that their trinary, self-deterministic gender schema challenges Falcrest's very limiting and repressive expectations of gender, but what about Oriati who don't fully identify with any of the three genders? How do the Oriati view reproduction? For any society to continue, it needs to have new people to carry it on, typically people born into it. When gender and reproductive capabilities are completely decoupled, what effect does that have on birthrate, and societal feelings about children? Is there any societal preference for parings that produce children, or stigma against those that don't?

One series that I think handles this kind of worldbuilding very well is Ninefox Gambit. In many ways the society is post gender; gender is seen as something you can put on and take off as it suits you. Surgical alterations are easily accessible and reversible, with few lasting consequences. However, characters whose professed gender differs from their biological sex, who adopt a gender without going through the accepted process - in other words, people who experience gender outside of the parameters that society has decided are normal - are looked down on. In this way, authors can explore literal representations of queer experiences without writing about real world prejudice, and they can explore the experience of dealing with an equivalent societal prejudice that captures some of the feelings of the queer experience without facing identical struggles. It's something I would like to see more of.

All this to say, as much as I understand the impulse behind queer norm fiction, I find that it makes the characters feel less queer, and all but erases non-cis experiences of queerness. I don't think every queer author is obligated to include real world queerphobia in their stories, but for me to find anything to relate to, they need to explore the queer experience holistically in some way, not just emulate the trappings. If your society treats two girls kissing as completely indistinguishable from a boy and a girl kissing, then in what way are they even meaningfully queer?

[max1461]

From @raginrayguns:

More generally, I think I have a much more uh. I don't know what to call it. I think lots of ethics and aesthetics does and should cash out in very "practical" stuff like having money and not dying, you think it's much more arbitrary and "practical"-sounding justifications are ad hoc. But also my view leaves a lot of room for like, simple pleasures that are part "behavioral loops" that result in practical stuff. Like, don't just clean your house in order to avoid getting sick from black mold etc, tidy it and make it look nice and decorate it. Don't just take care of your health, instead try to make your body more to your tastes not just in health and function but also in appearance and gender expression. Objectivists are like this too, that's why there's so much sex and partying in Atlas Shrugged and the evil dictator is a slob (it keeps mentioning that his shirt has a droopy collar and he doesn't get it starched).

So, for me, it's not exactly that I think ethics and aesthetics are especially arbitrary in actuality, it's more that I think it's better to model them that way.

Like, in reality I do think that a lot of the desires that people have cash out to a small-ish set of "practical"/"visceral" desires, things like self-preservation, desire for food, for sex, for companionship, for admiration, for entertainment, etc. And even a lot of these basic desires share an evolutionary origin, e.g. we evolved to want food because that urge is useful to keep us alive and so on. But, speaking about any individual person and why they seek out food, their answer isn't going to be "because I want to survive, and I rationally concluded that food is necessary for that". It's mostly a pre-rational urge, they're hungry so they seek food. It's effectively axiomatic. This is evident in the fact that they may eat foods which actually aren't good for their survival, like junk food, because those foods taste better or sate their hunger better, etc. People also usually have a desire to survive, which might be strong enough to motivate them to stop eating junk food, but it's certainly best to model these two desires as separate things, individually axiomatic and sometimes conflicting, even though in a biological sense they derive from the same place.

Right, so, I assume(?) you agree already to some degree or another with the above, it seems pretty necessary for modeling human behavior. But I think that what I do is basically to extend this model to more types of desires, even those that indeed may be rationally derived from more "basic" ones as above. Like, if someone tells me they want to live in a snowy, cold weather place... maybe it's because they feel better at that temperature, or they like the smell of pines, or they are more attracted to the way people dress in cold-weather climates, or whatever. Probably it's a complicated mix of a bunch of factors. Unless I know them really well, I can't model all that. So it's useful to just be like "what they want is to live in a cold place; noted" and treat it as basically an axiom.

I guess this is all really tied up in the way that I see ethics generally, which is something that I think about as like, diplomacy, negotiation, an attempt at finding a satisfactory compromise between different people with different wants. So it's useful to think in terms of "what demands are people laying out? What's on the bargaining table?". I can't possibly model everyone's internal reasons for wanting what they want, what I need is an understanding of what people seem to want, and knowledge of how they're willing to trade some wants off against others. Obviously internal modeling can help with this, but at a certain point it's not practically achievable. You just gotta take people's word for it.

Right, so, that's part of it. But the other part is that I think this kind of, uh, official agnosticism towards where desires come from is useful for dealing with psychological variation. Because while it's true that lots of people's desires seem to cash out to a small generating set common to most of us, I think it's also true that some of our desires cannot be derived from this set, and furthermore that perhaps most of us have at least a few desires of this type.

Like, a big part of this is informed by being unusual in various ways (I don't love "neurodivergent", but it's true), and having to argue with people to get my needs met.

A lot of people seem really dedicated to their own substantive system of right and wrong, derived from what they think the wants and needs of "ordinary" people are. Often I'll have some need that is not covered by this, and I'll go "look, I have need X, I'm happy to go out of my way and do Y to accommodate the fact that I am asking you to be considerate of X, let's figure out something that can work for both of us". And their response is very often something like "no, [according to my substantive ethics] it's unfair of you to ask X, and it would also be unfair of me to ask Y ". So what's happening here is that their dedication to this substantive system is getting in the way of them making a compromise that would be good for everyone. And I then need to frame my own need X in terms of some substantive things that they already endorse, make it comprehensible within their system, before they take it seriously as a negotiating point. I find things much easier when people are willing to skip the substantive analysis step and just go straight to "ok, you want X, I want Y, let's negotiate".

So that's really where this is coming from. Yes, I think the bulk of human desires seem to derive from some fairly small set of axioms/terminal goals/whatever, but I also think:

It's really hard to know what exactly is in that set, and to usefully predict what people's on-the-ground desires will be from it, because modeling people psychologically is hard.

There is enough psychological variation in people that an individual's own personal set of terminal goals may differ from the consensus set in a morally- or socially-relevant way, and this happens often.

And so if you see ethics as being about negotiating some sort of "ideal" compromise between different people with different desires, it's better to imagine that anyone could walk up to you one day with basically any old want and be prepared (at least in some philosophical sense) to be able to handle that.

Uh, something like that.

[kevin-ar-tuathal]

LGBTQ+ terminology - as Gaeilge ☘️🌈

Now, pardon me, but before I get to the meat of this post, the LGBTQ+ stuff, which is what I know we're all looking for 😁 I gotta do a little rant first

😌🙏😙💨

While I deeply appreciate the efforts of several groups over the last couple of years to translate English-language terminology and understanding of gender and sexuality, and the digression and non-conformity belonging thereto, I believe that, ultimately, it's a placeholding wedge-in that contributes to the wider problem of Anglicisation, or more accurately "Béarlachas", as it affects the Irish Gaelic language.

(Yes, I do be calling the language Gaelic - No, I am not American. I have a reason for doing so which I'll elaborate on in another post*.)

Now, Béarlachas is *not* borrowing and loaning words from English and using them seamlessly in Irish - a thiarcais, Irish speakers have been under the yoke of that language for over nine-hundred years, stating that we cannot adopt and adapt its words to our language is tone policing and language oppression of minority language speakers at it finest 🤌.

No, "Béarlachas" is the enforcement of the English-language thought process onto Irish. It comes from a place where thinking that English is more advanced, and has developed ways of understanding, and assuming that no other language, or in this case, Irish, has not caught up, or needs to rely on English.

You can see how this is a problem, right?

Queer people have always been everywhere. People distorting gender and sexuality norms have always been around. I remember growing up and an elderly family member from deep deep rural Ireland saying "Them townies always be looking down and calling peeple transvestites - sure out here that's only Amateur Dramatics!"

One of my parents has a story of knowing an "Auntie Bob" in their local town, someone who lived on the edge of the village, but not shunned by any modern transphobia standards.

There are so many queer stories lying under the surface - so plentiful that I'd encourage anyone to talk to older family members, or elderly people in your community. Now obviously, they won't have our modern terms like "queer" and "transgender" for them, but the stories, the people, are there 🎊.

- rant ends -

Anois! What we've all been waiting for:

LGBTQ+ slang, slurs, terms and explanations in the Irish language 🏳️‍🌈🥳

Starting off, what does the Irish language call "gender" and "sexuality"??

Sex (the act) is usually referred to by learners, second-language speakers and official dictionaries as "gnéas" - but a lot of vernacular speakers refer to it as:

Collaíocht

The word comes from the word collaí, meaning "carnal / sexual", which itself comes from the word colla, which in turn is a variant plural form of the word colainn, meaning "body". So a way of understanding collaíocht, would be thinking of it as meaning "body-ing", which ultimately, I think, is a cuter, more accurate and reflective way of referring to the act than Sex.

Gnéas

This is the word most dictionaries have down to describe the act, but let's have a fresh look at the word. Just as teas (heat) comes from the word te (hot), the word gnéas comes from the word gné. The following is the entry from the Ó Dónaill (1977) 'Irish-English Dictionary' for 'gné':

1. Species, kind...

2. Form, appearance

Form, appearance... further down the entry, we also have the word "aspect", as in "every aspect of the matter"... I wonder... sounds an awful lot like gender here to me - and at the time of Ó Dónaill, Ua Maoileoin and de Bhaldraithe composing their dictionaries, 'sex' and 'gender' would have been interchangeable terms.

While I have yet to look into this further, I have to wonder whether ascribing "gnéas" to the act of sex, rather than sex as in "gender" is a case of Béarlachas: applying English-language understandings to Irish-language words.

Which brings me around to:

Inscne

The word that I suspect of being a definite case of applying an English-language understanding to an Irish-language word. Inscne comes from Sean-Ghaeilge "insce", meaning a saying, a statement or word, and was applied to the sense of grammatical gender, or 'noun class'. Modern groups and most second language speakers apply the word to the English understanding of gender (most vernacular speakers I know simply borrow "gender" from English). Again, my own opinion and proposition, would be to use gnéas for gender, collaíocht for the act of sex, and cineál for sex (body type).

Cineál

Furthermore, Scottish Gaelic 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 also uses 'gnè' for gender, and 'tar-ghnèitheach' for transgender. The word for sex as in body type is 'seòrsa' - which is equivalent to the Irish cineál, which also has been used to describe body types. I think this understanding of the word cineál would be great to separate the traditional understanding of gender = body, and help us in any case to destigmatise bodies 🤷.

*The above have been kinda the groundwork. Here come the slang and slurs™️ proper*

Piteog (derog.)

This is the one most people who've done a little digging will've come across. The explanation that usually comes with it is 'effeminate man, sissy' or 'fairy (derogatory)' - but let's break down this word more, and discover the misogyny, reductiveness, wlw-erasure and why it to really only refers to mlm and transfeminine members of the LGBTQ+ community:

Pit is the Irish for 'vulva'. -óg or -eog is a suffix that kind of implies "like" - e.g. a camóg is something that's kinda cam (bent), i.e. a hurley. Piteog literally means "something like a vulva" 🤷.

Buachaill bán

No, not the Whiteboys of 1800s agrarian agitation in Ireland 🤣, but again another term for men-loving men. I think it's kinda poetic that the rainbow 🌈, the modern global symbol of LGBTQ+ people, is made up white light through a prism, and that the colour white was used to describe a sector of LGBTQ+ people in Ireland fadó.

*The only reason I'm saying this is an mlm term is because I've never come across it being used to describe wlw or other queer identities - but perhaps it could be used in a broader context?? Idk.

Lúbtha ("lúpthaí" i gConamara)

Literally translates as "bent". Lúb as a verb means "1. to loop, 2. to enmesh /to net, 3. to bend". Those in/from the Gaeltacht that I've spoken to of an older generation use it casually, with no obvious negative intent behind it, tho I've come across several middle-aged people who are scandalised if you say it (to the same extent as saying someone's 'bent' in English) but I dunno if that is from intergenerational difference is use (whether it became a slur in the last half-century or so) or if it comes from Gen X aversion to calling people 'bent' in English, and them correlating it to Lúbthaí in Irish.

Cam (slur)

Cam is a slur. While yes, it simply means 'bent', it carries the connotations of "crooked, sly, conniving" and in its usage, it is almost always unmistakeably intended as an insult.

Aiteach

I just want to put this on the list to discuss it. "Aiteach" is a modern construction. If you look up 'queer' in the dictionary, one of the entries you'll get is "ait", meaning 'pleasant, likeable, comical, fine, queer'. Ait is still used in everyday language (we all know the phrase "Is ait an mac an saol"), and was never used to describe LGBTQ+ people, but because of its positive connotations and appearance under "queer" in the dictionary, -each was added onto the end to describe LGBTQ+ people without having to use the abovementioned slurs. Yes, it is borderline Béarlachas, but most young Gaeil (Gaeltacht natives / vernacular speakers) I know don't have a problem with it 😁.

Gearrán

I've noticed the conspicuous gap of wlw specific terminology in this list. What can I say, 100 years of Catholic nationalist censorship on top of a patriarchal organisation of society makes them hard to come by. However, while I've never heard this word used, I've been seeing Gearrán more and more in online spaces lately.

(No, it's not related to gearán (complaint), and the two r's change the vowel sound of the 'ea')

It translates to a gelding, or a pack-horse, and according to Ó Dónaill (1977), can also mean a "Strong-boned woman; drudge, jade", and if that isn't a euphemism for a butch lesbian, idk what is.

Alright, that is an infodump and a half!

And there's still so much I could say... Lads, let's just say there's loads more to come 🤣

Slán tamaill 👋

[butchwheels]

ways of describing your gender that might come from painful dysphoria but are also very sexist/misogynistic (and often cissexist) and worth actively confronting in yourself, since you might very well be reinforcing gender roles in yourself and others:

joking is 100% fine obviously, but sooo many of these i've seen completely unironically within the lgbtq community (terfs dni)

#1 - i'm not a woman or i don't feel like a woman because... i'm too masculine, hairy, loud, snarky, confident, wish i was tall and buff, want to be the one in charge, don't care if i'm pretty, do unwomanly things, don't like fashion, don't like makeup, don't know how to do small talk, don't understand social cues, enjoy stereotypically masculine interests, like to be the one penetrating during sex, like being rough during sex, like dominating, like being tough, all things that obviously contradict womanhood

#2 - i'm not a man or i don't feel like a man because... i'm too feminine, don't like body hair, have a more feminine or high pitched voice, talk or dress in a stereotypically girly way, enjoy dresses and skirts and dolls and makeup, enjoy stereotypically feminine interests, like being the submissive one and being penetrated (which i see as a "womanly thing" especially if it's in a rough way), like being polite and docile and dainty or being promiscuous and wearing revealing outfits, or even being a sex worker, all things that are girl things to me and make me feel like a woman and aren't something a real man would ever be

#3 - OBVIOUSLY i'm not a man/woman... look how androgynous i look!!! how did that cis person even think i was cis lmao???? i'm too gender nonconforming to actually be a cis man/woman, obviously even i will assume a gender conforming person is cis but a VISIBLY ANDROGYNOUS person like ME??? extra hilarious!!!! (there isn't a specific "trans look" bc trans/nonbinary can look like anything and gnc people exist so this is sexist and transphobic af)

#4 - [anything that implies that being trans/nonbinary is a political statement for the person or a choice to say fuck you to cissexist heteropatriarchal society instead of a very personal identity like being gay or bisexual, it's just a political subculture]

#5 - i'm gay/bi/etc and i believe that my lgbtq identity inherently contradicts me being a cis man/woman

fyi, #5 is said not in the respectful way someone will describe their own personal identity, but rather trying to literally state that being gay/bi/etc inherently means not feeling like a man/woman despite MANY lgbtq men & women being totally connected to their binary gender, feeling a special connection to it through their gayness. this includes binary trans people who have a very unique connection to manhood or womanhood. it's not cool to label gayness or transness as inherently nonbinary. radical sure, but binary lgbtq people have fought FOREVER to be seen as no less of a man/woman than anyone cishet, an obviously homophobic af belief that is pushed by bigots everywhere, to the point where some countries have transition legalized but not homosexuality bc they think that being gay makes you not a real man/woman, so you might as well become a "normal" straight person by transitioning. this shit should be called tf out

#6 - i don't agree with misogyny and i want to distance myself from it politically despite being 100% comfortable with being male and living as male and not having any social or physical dysphoria, or even euphoria, so i use the term nonbinary to show support to women. this is a take i've actually seen passed around lmao, both from transmasc and transfem people

#7 - i just want to make cishet people uncomfortable. it's funny as a joke obviously, i've said i'm gay to make men mad wayyy too many times i get it. but some people when prompted will deadass say that's their only reason to identify as nonbinary. and ngl that sounds like treating transness as a political accessory instead of just a personal identity. which means they think being trans is a choice, like political lesbianism back in the day

there's so many hilarious jokes to make about gender that i love seeing around. so many fun ways to describe gender identity. but let's not feed cishet people's sexism and reinforce the bullshit we've learned growing up, excusing it by giving it a fresh rainbow coat of paint. the last thing the community needs is tighter gender roles. we need to EXPAND not only what it means to be nonbinary, but ALSO what it means to be a binary man or woman!!! it's okay if some of these were signs for you, but the way you speak about it matters

[joyswonderland1108]

“You guys have changed”

Hi hello, i’m back again with my “this fandom is shitty” rant.

On today’s live (or yesterday depending on where you live) Joon said this very sentence after reading some comments and what can i say? Surprised? Not the slightest, if anything y’all already know where i stand when it comes to this fandom. 

“Yoongi marry me” “I’m X member’s wife” “Touch your nose if *ship* is real” “Speak English”, etc etc.. 

Let’s talk about each “category” separately. 

“Marry me” “I’m X’s wife” 

It’s okay to joke once or twice about one thing but when it gets too repetitive.. Why the fuck do these boys even bother coming live if every other comment is “marry me” or “I’m X member’s wife” at least be original? Make it funny? Stop maybe assuming that they even want to get married or even intend on marrying the opposite gender? 

I’m going to set the point on my last sentence here. At some point it starts to get a bit too offensive when the boys keep on trying to share things that are personal to them, whether it’s in a direct way or indirect way, just for this fandom to completely misunderstand them or not even bother trying to understand in the first place. It’s bad enough that the boys can’t really say things literally as they are but they still try to get the message out there just for this fandom to completely dismiss it and not give them a chance to be understood, but the fact that they also have to remind them through direct comments that they don’t give one flying fuck about what the boys are trying to share with us, trying to let us understand. 

Yoongi didn’t say that "i focus on personality and atmosphere, i don’t have an ideal type and it’s not limited to a girl”  Just for your asses to be commenting “I’m Yoongi’s wife”, i bet if one of y’all sickos could’ve thought about switching the heteronormativity in this “joke” at least once despite being a woman yourself and go for a “I’m Yoongi’s husband” that would’ve made him smile for the sole reason that it’s not the same bullshit he sees every single time. 

I remember a few days ago i came across a snippet from an SKZ live on tiktok, well it was originally Bangchan’s live and Han decided to join

The way they had fun with that question, the way they just answered it like it was just another monday, the way it didn’t feel annoying, the way it was an open door for them too to crack jokes with stays.. Lemme just tell you beforehand that stays are original and so far from what i noticed their comments are mostly fun they also like to mention memes in the comments to which, i believe usually it’s Bangchan, who actually let’s them know that he DID see this and that, that he did see some edits, etc.. It’s basically a whole conversation in the comments not the same lame ass jokes every single time. 

Mentioning other idols in the comments.. 

And for what? If said idol has NOTHING to do with the members, why even bring up their name? If it wasn’t part of some type of collab, some type of acknowledged outing, or something similar why are we even talking about someone else in the boys lives what are they? A directory service? Mentioning the collab with Charlie Puth to JK is OK, mentioning the collab with Psy to Yoongi is OK, mentioning the collab with Taeyang to Jimin is OK, mentioning the collab with So Yoon to Joon is OK, etc.. but randomly mentioning some idol unprovoked? 

I’m going back to a Bangchan live, the very recent one when he was asked if he saw how Jimin mentioned Felix in Pixid 

undefined

The question didn’t come out of nowhere, they didn’t just ask him about Jimin and called it a day, they precisely mentioned the part where Jimin mentioned Felix who is Chris’s (Bangchan) fellow bandmate and friend, also can you just see how genuine Chris’s reaction is? The way he was so happy to talk about that, the way he was so excited, the way he was just like you and i. And we did end up getting Felix doing the “Like Crazy” challenge after all

“Speak English” 

Well no bitch how about YOU speak Korean for a change? YOU decided to stan a South Korean boy group and for all we know the official language in South Korea isn’t English, they don’t have to speak YOUR language or the language YOU best understand just to soothe your entitlement, if they do speak it from time to time it’s just out of generosity from them that they don’t even have to give to this shitty fandom.

It’s also the fact that they repeatedly keep on telling you that they don’t speak English or their English isn’t really good, that they don’t feel comfortable enough to speak English, but the comments keep on repeating the same bullshit order not even request, not only on every live but on the same live right after they say that they can’t speak English other comments pop up asking the same shit.

YOU go learn Korean, YOU go make the effort, they already make enough effort to give you high quality content, to stay in touch with a much undeserving fandom, to keep this fandom satisfied, you name it, so why on earth are we trying to burden them even more? 

“Do this and that if *ship* is real”

No comment really.. It’s like the whole “blink if you’re being held hostage”, why the fuck would anyone with a sane mind think it’s okay to ask any member to do some type of sign to hint at a non-existent romantic relationship and to make it worse it’s sometimes about some very unrealistic pairings too, people they barely even interact with if not at all. Y’all go read some aus or something if that’s all you ever want from the boys. 

Members could be talking about something serious, something touching, and the comments are basically just not caring about any of that more focused on getting their fantasy fulfilled. You should know that if the boys want to hint at something they don’t need a comment asking them to do it, if they’re trying to be cryptic or hint at anything it’ll spontaneously come from them, the same way JK decided HIMSELF to hint at “Letter”, it was his own decision, what HE wanted and if they want to hint at a relationship believe me you won’t even need to bother asking, they’ll be dropping the hints themselves and it’s up to attentive Army to notice. 

~

I love how through years Jin, Joon, Yoongi and Tae have set some boundaries with Army, it’s like.. They’re already so fed up with all the toxicity and the entitlement, on the other hand our 3J are just way too fucking kind for this damn fandom, despite all the crappy things this fandom does they still manage to make time for us, manage to interact with us, manage to play a bit with us, jokingly flirt with us, heck Hobi gave us a whole boyfriend pov during his live and i don’t know if Army are actually dense or.. But do they really think it’s meant in a serious way? That JK being flirtatious some times means he wants to hook up with Army? That Jimin being kind enough to reply to silly questions makes him easy enough? Do they seriously not notice how they just genuinely want to make those interactions more fun but Army make everything regrettable.

Gosh i feel like i had much more shit to say about this but i’m already exhausted enough with long posts and my brain isn’t braining. Can this fandom get any shittier? 

[hxllfires-gifs]

PAIRING. bojan cvjetićanin x gender neutral!reader

SUMMARY. y/n is the sibling to kris guštin so everyone would assume that they get along with their brother’s bandmates—but that was wrong. y/n and bojan never really liked each other but it was just a guise to hide their true romantic feelings towards each other. when no one else is available to work on a song, bojan seeks out the help of y/n who reluctantly agrees, but it proves to be the best decision.

WORD COUNT. 1,724

AN ANNOYED Y/N rolled their eyes at the brunette standing in front of them. Bojan had just asked them to help him finish writing this new song called ‘Umazane Misli’ for Joker Out since their brother Kris wasn’t in Slovenia and the others were busy. Of course, the one time everyone’s busy is the one time he would need help with a song. They wanted to glare at him but refrained.

“Why can’t you do it yourself?” Their voice was pretty cold and slightly venomous.

The two didn’t really like one another and it all started a couple years back. Y/N Guštin didn’t understand why their brother was friends and in a band with Bojan, but they never really said much about it to him specifically. They thought that the singer was nothing but a flirt who didn’t take much of anything seriously. They couldn’t stand him, at least that’s what they convinced themself.

The brunette prevented himself from also rolling his eyes, not in the mood to fight with them. “Trust me, I don’t like this either, but it’s not going to get done if I don’t have help. It was supposed to be finished yesterday but everyone is busy. I’ll leave you alone after it is complete.”

“Fine,” they hesitantly agreed.

“Thank you. Come by the studio in an hour. I have a couple of things to do but I’ll meet you there.” With that, Bojan left, which annoyed them even more.

Y/N closed the door and walked back to their room, jumping onto their bed. “Kris owes me,” they muttered to themself before sighing.

If anyone asked them why they were enemies with their brother’s band mate, they would just glare at nothing in particular. They never had a specific answer other than “he’s annoying to me” or “I just don’t.” However, there really was a genuine reason; he had dated one of their ex friends during high school. Yes, that’s the big thing that they never wanted to tell people because they might get the wrong idea.

They could imagine someone telling them that they were just jealous, which they would immediately deny, but deep down they had to know that there was some truth to it…right? Well, no. Y/N was too stubborn to give into that thought and they were hellbent on making it known that they ‘didn’t care’ about the singer.

Their brother was always teasing them about it since he was obviously aware of what went on and the things that they didn’t want to tell people. The siblings had gotten into plenty of arguments over this, mainly one sided ones.

They were certain that they didn’t like Bojan.

The time passed by fairly quickly and they kept their promise, meeting the singer at the studio. They were starting to regret their choice but didn’t want Kris coming back and trying to throw a fit because they were being ‘too childish’ in his eyes. If a song needed done, they supposed they could tough it out and help.

Y/N was quite the skilled songwriter and there were times where Bojan thought that they were too good. He thought that they were someone who liked to brag about everything since he had overheard them talking about their accomplishments to different people before, but really they were just proud of themself. He didn’t seem to catch that part though.

Both of them were stubborn and that could not be clearer.

“You actually came,” Bojan acknowledged their presence.

“Didn’t I say I would?” Y/N countered with an eyebrow raised. They wanted to say something not so nice but didn’t allow themself to.

Bojan ignored their words and changed the subject. “I got everything set up. I didn’t want to inconvenience you and have you here longer, thought you might have something better to do.”

The Guštin stepped closer to him and crossed their arms over their chest, staring him down because of his comments. “You know, you don’t have to be such an ass all the time!”

“I know you’re not telling me that,” he scoffed.

If looks could kill, both of them would be six feet under by now. Both were thinking it was a bad idea to be in the same room for longer than a second but Y/N wanted to keep their promise, no matter how annoyed they would get.

Bojan continued, “You think you’re so perfect. You walk around and talk about all the things your good at and think you’re better. Trust me, I’d much rather have Kris here.”

Y/N laughed but they couldn’t deny how his words hurt them. “You’re such a hypocrite! When have I ever said or acted like I’m better than anyone? Hmm? You think you know what I’m about but you don’t, you have no idea. What about you though? You can’t take anything seriously and last time I checked, Irena broke up with you because you’re annoying.”

It was low, very low, but they couldn’t take it back and after what he said about them, they weren’t sure that they wanted to. Their features softened slightly though when they noticed Bojan’s face drop, his eyes moving away from their gaze. That’s when they began to regret everything.

Y/N didn’t recognize the feelings that started to blossom in their chest; it was this feeling that they had felt before but pushed away each time. They felt almost sad when Bojan seemed sad, even though they never realized until now.

“Bojan—,” they spoke before her brain could process.

“No, you’re right. Irena did break up with me but not for that reason. She kissed Kris at a party and he told me about it, so I had ended up confronting her about it. She said that she was drunk and didn’t mean it but at the same time, I could tell she was lying. She finally told me the truth—she only went out with me to make someone jealous.”

Y/N wanted to resist their feelings but their heart broke at his words, not used to trying to understand him. “I can’t believe she did that? Do you know who she tried to make jealous?”

They were genuinely curious since they were unable to think of anyone specifically.

He shook his head, still refusing to look at the Guštin. “No, and I never asked. But I had other people tell me it was you. I never really wanted to believe it. She went on and started telling people that I annoyed her and made up more lies about me, so the reason you hate me so much is based on lies.”

The male finally glanced back up at them before going to sit down in a nearby chair. He heard them sigh but didn’t think much of it since he was sure they wouldn’t believe him. However, their next words shocked him more than he would’ve expected.

“I don’t hate you. I was sure that you hated me and honestly, I think everyone was right, as much as I don’t want to admit it.” They paused and thought about if they wanted to continue or not, but they were tired of the constant fighting and drama. The two were adults who should have been able to talk about things sooner.

“I had a crush on you in high school and Irena knew about it. Her and I were friends at first but she was very competitive and would always put me down. It was subtle at first but then she didn’t hide it.” Y/N went to sit down in the chair beside Bojan.

“I think all this time, I’ve had feelings for you and when the two of you dated, I was jealous. That and the fact that she ruined my self esteem, it felt really bad. So, I was convinced that acting like I hate you would be better than having my heart broken more. Even after she broke up with you, I did not understand how she got to have what I wanted.”

Bojan’s attention was fully on Y/N and he took in what they were saying, took in how genuine they were being. He had never seen them like this and honestly, he hated seeing it. He could understand since he did the same thing. Hearing that they had a crush on him almost made him smile but he couldn’t find it in himself after hearing what his ex had done to the Guštin.

“I’m so sorry.” He couldn’t help but feel apologetic.

“I finally found my confidence again and actually felt proud of myself. Whenever I do well with something that I didn’t think I would, I tell my family and friends because I feel proud. I don’t think that I’m better than anyone.”

They took a deep breath and almost froze when they felt one of his hands take one of theirs into his, holding it. They had found themself imagining what it would be like to hold his hand in the past but didn’t think it would ever happen.

It was his turn to say something, the silence filling the studio. “I don’t think that of you, I just needed any reason to not fall in love with you even more. You are the smartest person I know and you write such good songs. I think I do sometimes get jealous because it’s so natural to you, but I love that about you.”

“You’re in love with me?” Y/N asked, their tone full of shock and slight confusion.

“Yes,” Bojan confirmed.

“I love you too.” It didn’t take long for them to tell him.

Bojan finally smiled and it caused the H/C haired being to do so as well. He gently placed a hand on their left cheek before he started leaning in closer to them. They met him halfway and their lips met; the kiss was soft and full of love. It was something they both wanted to do for the longest time but their own stubbornness never allowed them to.

Y/N laughed once they broke apart and Bojan kissed their forehead. The two could have stayed like this forever but they soon started to remember the reason why they were in the studio in the first place.

They leaned back in their chair, perfectly content. “I guess we should finish writing that song now.”

[arcane-abomination]

Let’s Talk Otherkin

I’ve been questioned more than once about this…even have people I barely know swearing that I’m an otherkin because “they can tell” and I can’t help but feel very disheartened by the thought that someone has the audacity and entitlement to push their way into my life and try to control my headspace in such a way just to validate their own beliefs. Inquiring of my views on the matter of my own making is fine, I haven’t a single problem with that but assuming you know me better than I know myself is another matter entirely.

First of all, to be otherkin often implies the notion of a life before this one. A time which you experienced and lived in a different form. But that is not me. I’m not an old soul seeking to pick up a broken past and piece it together once again. On the contrary, I am a new soul. A brand new being that is only just now making its journey. I have no past, therefore I just am. How do I know? It’s common for old souls to be drawn in to self discovery of their past lives. The need calls like a desperate voice longing to be realized, but that’s something I don’t have the pleasure of hearing. Nor do I feel even the slightest nudge to do anything in regards to a past life. The thought seems completely pointless to me. Which tells me that there’s nothing from a past seeking to find me. I’m alone…new…pure.

Secondly, how I view the spirit/soul/etc can negate otherkin for the most part, or at the very least altar the view on how it presents itself. I feel that the soul is a formless thing, no gender, nor physicality to speak of. It’s our perception that gives us form, that molds us into something we can find useful for whatever reason. Our soul is as fluid as water and our perception is the mold it’s poured into. With that understanding, once we detach from our living vessel (death) we become formless again and we recognize our true nature once again…our fluidity. From that we can reconnect to a living vessel if we so choose and that’s where the path of multiple lives comes from. However, because we are a limitless being without form, we can take on any new vessel, not just what we were prior. (It’s uncertain if we get to choose this new vessel or not.) But I do believe these other lives and other forms taken can continue to present themselves within our minds. Our comfort of the form that life on once took, still exists within us and we subconsciously seek out that comfort again…That’s why we tell ourselves we are otherkin. A being beyond the human body we are now.

This psychic memory can be very insistent sometimes and perception, a reality that already easily fools us, can only add to the confusion. Most otherkin (at least lots of the ones I’ve conversed with) often talk about their memories of that past life and insist on their soul feeling like it’s a different form. In my eyes this only further proves my point. Memories of a form from the past that the perceived reality hasn’t quite let go of. Only when we remember we are formless do we finally feel at peace, as or soul begins to reform and shift into the current fleshy mold we inhabit. It’s a lot like trying to shove an ice cube into a round hole. But instead of giving up it’s been jammed in, forcibly making it fit which is why many otherkin describe their current form as feeling unnatural. But recognizing the limitless that we are can help us to accept the change and allow us to alter ourselves from the cube we were convinced we were to the sphere we need to be right now.

Now there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be something else and as I said, we are formless beings. We can make ourselves into whatever more comfortable form we like after we die. The astral as well can serve as a momentary burst of freedom in that way, as our astral bodies act a lot like our souls do. They are moldable formless beings, but fitting the mold you have in the physical can help to bring ease where there isn’t any. Can help to calm the restlessness many otherkin feel they have.

Now I recognize that there maybe a lot more nuances to the otherkin then the surface level I’ve scratched. And that there will be many that disagree with my thoughts on this whole subject and that’s perfectly fine. We each have different beliefs that take us to different realms of what we view as reality. And personally I’m not one to deny anyone their own personal reality if they aren’t hurting anyone and it brings them joy, understanding, and a love for themselves along the way. They have a right to live it and think however they want and I will always defend their right to do so. This is just how I believe and how I see the evidence the universe has sent to me. It is only my intention to share this perspective, not control how others use theirs.

EDIT://

I forgot to mention a crucial detail. As I mentioned our perceived reality (our perception) can often play tricks on us, and tell us what we want to hear rather than what we need to hear. So it can also be possible the thoughts of otherkin could be nothing more than wishful thinking. A response to anxiety, depression, even trauma brought on by feeling less than, or being either neglected or bullied. It’s common to withdraw inwards and create a safe space for ourselves and make ourselves feel important in some way. Especially when that feeling of importance is something we’ve desperately been craving.

The mind can be a cruel beast. Because our true nature is formless it can often unconsciously hold the mentality “I think therefore I am” And it’s this mentality we can often fall victim to, especially during periods of loneliness and stress. Our subconscious side doesn’t always consider our limited mold but rather continues to treat us as if we are still limitless. I think therefore I am, only works when in a limitless state and as I mentioned that is either the astral or death. We need to teach our subconscious minds the difference. Train them not to over fill the mold and let it spill over, creating a shape that doesn’t fit the way it needs to while in our current fleshy prison.

[maximwtf]

“Dragon fire memories.”

                   Thranduil x elven warrior reader

words: 1746

google docs pages: 3

warnings: description of a dragon fire scar forming, arguing, that's it I assume?

opening: you’re coming back from an adventure you went on against the rules. Thranduil has closed the kingdom so no one would be able to enter or leave. You come back with some scars, waiting to see Thranduil’s reaction to your arival.

AN// reader can be any gender! I wanted to write something for a Dragon breath scar and for the life of me I couldn’t think of anything, and this is the result :”D Did come up with something short though !

Not proof read!!

         “Dragon fire memories.”

You looked around you, while also making sure your horse was going in the right direction. The woods had begun to close in on you, making you sure of the fact that you had arrived back in mirkwood. Now all you had to do was make your way back to the entrance of the kingdom, and hopefully they would still let you in. You had left without any permission after you had heard that Thranduil was going to close up the whole place, so that no one would be able to enter nor leave the kingdom because of the threats that he had heard about outside. You didn't agree with Thranduil on most things, but especially the way he wanted to cave himself in his kingdom and leave others without help when he clearly was able to help if he just wished to do so. You had taken it as your own adventure to go and see where the orcs were going when the group of dwarfs had escaped. You thought you could have helped, but it had turned out that the thing was much bigger than you had originally imagined. 

You saw the spiderwebs that had spread even further in the forest since the last time you had been here, and your little adventure hadn’t even been that long. Did Thranduil still not understand what kind of danger was coming even his way if he just decided to distance himself from everyone? You shook your head and sighed. It wasn’t long until you’d be back and then you’d see if he had changed his mind while you had been gone.

Keeping your hand on the pommel of the sword just in case spiders were around, you rode forward. You pulled back on the reins slightly and quietly worded out ‘whoa’. The horse stopped just before the entrance. Before entering, you took a few looks around, and from what you could see you couldn’t see any guards just yet. With a hum, you took a better hold of the reins and tapped your calves on the horse’s sides, getting it to start walking forward again. After entering, it didn’t take long for the guards to spot you and start swarming around you. Refusing to get down from your horse, you tried to reason with the almost mute guards by telling them that you had to speak to Thranduil. In reality, that was one of the last things you wanted to do.

to your misfortune, you heard someone call off the guards and they listened immediately, going back in line and then to their guard posts.  You turned to look at the staircase nearest to you, seeing Thranduil walk towards you. You could tell just by looking at him that he wasn’t pleased and you weren’t going to hear anything nice about your little trip.”Get off the horse and come with me.” Was all he said to you and you knew better than to start arguing with him now. You got off the horse smoothly, handing the reins to one of the guards so they could take it to the stables. 

You followed Thranduil to his throne room, and quietly waited as he got everyone out of there for a moment. You stood still as he walked in front of you and began to talk. “Do you have any idea what disobeying rules like this will cause?” His voice was stern, and his expression wasn’t giving you any ease. You chose to not answer him and let him keep talking. “Do you understand that the option of banishing you is on the table?” His voice was becoming more filled with anger, but you still stood your ground and didn’t reply. “You don’t seem to have anything against that. Running away and refusing to defend yourself.” He kept talking, only becoming more angered by your silence. “You seem like you want to get banished!” He turned his back to you as he said that. That was not what you wanted, but it was what you had expected to hear when you had left. But even though that, you were getting mad at him for talking to you like this. “I want to stay!” You barked back at him. “And I don’t understand why you refuse to help anyone even if you are capable of doing so? Do you see the image of yourself you are putting out there? Digging yourself in here like a dwarf!” You continued, stepping closer to him.

 As you ‘yelled’ at him your face began to change, the skin from your cheekbone all the way to your jawline started to form holes incarved into your face, the edges of the holes showing clear burn marks from the dragon breath that caused all this. The scar went all the way up to your left eye, half of it being burnt as well and the eye itself being a blurry mix of white with your original eye color because of that. Some parts of the scar reached your lips on the left side as well, making the left side of your lips burnt too. 

After your rant, Thranduil had turned around, prepared to make sure you wouldn’t have those opinions anymore. He wanted to make sure you knew he had his reasons for every action he made concerning his role as the king. Though that he didn’t have time to say, as he saw the scars that had formed on your face which made him pause almost completely. “What happened to you?” He asked, you firstly noting that his voice had calmed down a whole lot.You lifted your palm against your face, feeling the scar you had gotten when you met the dragon. Thranduil saw you lift up your hand,and saw the same scarring on your hand as well, most likely from you trying to protect your face with the hand. “You haven’t even had a healer look at these. You know better.” His voice got more stern again, almost as if he was mad at you for getting hurt. “Nothing you should be worried about.” You muttered before raising your gaze up to Thranduil. He could now fully see the scar on your face, see the damage it had done to you as it had once done to him as well. “I know how to take care of these on my own.” You spat back at him. He didn’t reply to you for a moment, partly because he didn’t know what to say, but also because he wasn’t sure what to do. The plan of banishing you felt too rough now that he knew about the scars you had gotten. He was aware of the pain you must have felt, since he had felt it once as well, and he still had a scar to remind him of the past.

He took a step closer to you, inspecting the scar with his gaze. “You had plenty of time to do something in order to heal this on your way back. Why didn’t you?” He asked coldly. You stared at his eyes for a moment silently. You didn’t want to tell him that he was right, and when you were coming back, you couldn’t remember almost anything you had been taught about healing, thus it seemed like the scar had just been left like this. No lie Thranduil would believe came to your mind, meaning you had to give in. “I didn’t know how.” You ended up saying quietly, still keeping your eyes on him to see his reaction that never came. “So it seems I was correct.” He hummed as a sign of a small victory for himself. “You do need to see a healer. I don’t dare to banish you from these halls when you’re like this.” He continued, putting his palm against your cheek that had the scar, though careful enough not to hurt you on accident. “You see now why I told everyone not to leave.” His voice had become calmer, you noticed, as he lifted your head up a little with his hand. You didn’t dare to say anything, and in the silence you felt the scar start to disappear and slowly your face turned back to normal, just like you had seen his face do a couple times. You saw Thranduil open his eyes, and look at you again. “Go and see a healer, I can’t help you any more than that.” He then said, nodding as a sign that you could go. You furrowed your brows slightly, in confusion as to why he decided to change his mind about the banishing. You had questions for him, but you didn’t dare to ask him. He seemed to have forgiven you in his own way.

You turned to walk away, but before you could exist you heard Thranduil speak up one last time. “Do not pull a trick like that again. You already got away from banishing once.” He hummed, then turning around to pour himself a drink. You didn’t reply, only nodded, even though you knew he couldn’t see it since he had his back turned to you. With that, you exited the throne room, walking slowly away to find a healer who could help you. You thought about asking Thranduil about healing, and by doing that you could heal the scars yourself so no one else would have to see them. Though now you didn’t dare to ask him anything. You had just dodged being banished from the whole area, and you wanted to give him room to cool down. You had known him long enough to know that even though he may have looked calm at the end of the conversation, he wasn’t. You didn’t know how he felt, but you knew he wasn’t as cool about this as he seemed. 

[vriskakinnieaynrand]

you understand certain things. why do these guys want everyone not to be trans? you know? because like, from where I'm standing at great remove, it seems like half the reason or more is just to stake out their own identity, you know. we're NOT those liberals, we HATE the trans. like that's how it looks to me. but idk I'm not close to it.

wdym why. why in the sense of 'what reasons have you personally heard', or why in the sense of 'what's a plausible ideological framework for the main current of public statements'? the two are not the same! for a number of reasons.

first, ppl don't straightforwardly air out their brainworms or bare the darkest recesses of their souls in the genre of political oration. it's just a (sensible) constraint of the genre. yr trying to make yrself look authoritative, which requires looking functional, sane, etc., perhaps more so than you actually are

second, these recesses aren't necessarily beliefs. they aren't necessarily things you can just up and state - they can be patterns you've noticed (or hallucinated), deep symbolic vocabularies...

third, i've met some weird people. like, here's something i've actually heard: "i get that we should let people do what they want and all, but one thing i'm worried about is... doesn't it really suck to be a man? so if we let people transition, most men will decide they'd rather be women, and then, as a straight woman, who will i date?"

but this was at the beginning of the current wave of "reminder that transition is an option", when it was still an obscure thing that rationalists and communists did, and when the culture - including, like, 'blue tribe', 'coastal liberal' culture - was really weird about traditional gender roles. i went to a liberal arts college in new england and had a mutual crush that never went anywhere because neither of us had thought to come out as anything, and while it was getting déclassé to call someone a faggot, a man with a scarf or skinny jeans was a 'metrosexual', which meant the same thing.

(also, when word got out that the girl i was seeing had religious objections to sex before marriage - with a narrow enough definition of 'sex' that in practice it wasn't an issue, lol - i was advised, with as far as i could tell a straight face, 'what? just rape her, bro.' at, like, a social event, with other people and everything. things were bad back then!)

anyway... conservatism. american conservatism is generally pro-instrumentalization. you're born into a network of duties - to God, family, country, and so on - and as you mature you carry out those duties and take on others. you 'find a place in society', fit yourself into a vast machine as a set of gears so that society can extract work from you - ideally (if you're in the right class for it) work that is rewarded with money, which is how society tells you what it cares about -

and, like, there's no 'you' anywhere in this process. there are harmless affectations and personality traits, which don't get in the way of yr self-instrumentalization, of discharging yr duties - but anything that does is either selfishness or perversion. if you let your wants get ahead of society's, you're selfish; if you're too deranged to resist your desires, you're a pervert. in some sense, both of these things are Sin

you also aren't supposed to deliberate on the norms and structures of society. because this might lead people into temptation, into selfishness or perversion, or in some other way make everything worse. civilization is hard to build and easy to destroy, and destruction is evil

which is how you get people assuming everyone's secretly gay and heterosexuality is just a prosocial thing people go through the motions of. they don't know!

i think it's not all like that, though, and some ppl actually are worried abt the like medicalization / pathologization of gender variance. what if we let ppl transition the pressures to conform to gender norms intensify and we end up like iran? that would in fact be bad! (it seems like ppl have kinda realized this and stopped posting egg memes about anyone mildly gnc, which is progress, that shit was so annoying lol)

of course, another facet of the conservative thing is Traditional Gender itself. men are agents and have high sex drives; women are patients and have low sex drives. your wife probably isn't that into you, she's just using you as a bundle of resources, which is how things should be since if you give them freedom they'll never marry and your civilization will die out (and men will become degenerates in order to fuck loose women, like drug addicts who make filthy "music" in order to fornicate with groupies, instead of doing something prosocial and making themselves marriageable), so trans women are Perverts and trans men were Groomed. obviously AGP is a thing and AAP isn't, who'd associate fuckability with men? gross! no, a wife, properly speaking, is another currency society uses to reward good behavior. why do women put up with being used as currency? idk, inscrutable woman reasons, but they shouldn't have a choice in the matter anyway, any more than a man should have a choice to marry a man, or to remain a bachelor without good reason such as being a monk. furthermore, no-fault divorce and "dating" are both degenerate and we should bring back arranged marriage. this is all from the darkest fringes of the 2010s blogosphere of course, except now there's matt walsh...

[oletus-writer]

Nsfw alphabet with Yidhra please with a fem reader? 👉👈

If you saw my rules, I don’t write fem reader, because that is not what I align with. It will be, as all my nsfw alphabets are, with a gender neutral reader.

Yidhra NSFW Alphabet

Warnings: nsfw

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

Similar to Hastur, she does not understand the need for aftercare, and will, at most, wipe you down, and, if you ask, take care of any injuries sustained. Perhaps, if you ask, she’ll give a few praises, and then be off.

B = Body part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

She is quite into her ears being touched, but her favourite body part is, evidently, her waist. There’s nothing particularly she liked about it before having intercourse with you, until you began kissing it and marking it. She likes your neck - long and elegant, ready for her taking.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Her cum is sweet. Her favourite places to cum is your face, if you’re giving her oral, and inside you, if she is fucking you with a penis.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

There aren’t many secrets that she’d keep from you when it comes to her sexual preferences, because she finds it pointless to keep them from you. However, she is curious what type of offspring a god and a mortal would produce.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

Now, I’m not the most well-versed in HP Lovecraft and his works, but I do believe that Yidhra has an offspring. It was brought to my attention that it is most likely that the Great Old Ones reproduced asexually, as Lovecraft was repulsed by sex. Since Yidhra was created by Walter C DeBill Junior, I am safe to assume she and her mate, Yig, had the offspring through sexual intercourse. What I am getting at is, like Hastur, Yidhra does not have sexual experience with humans.

F = Favourite position (this goes without saying)

She enjoys being splayed out underneath you, while you finger her cloaca and bite her ears. If she is fucking you, she likes to be propped up, so something like cowgirl, the chairman, etc.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

She won’t make jokes, but will laugh at any that you make. She’s a free-spirited kind of god, and adores anything you do.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes?)

What carpet? Yidhra has a snake-like lower body, covered in scales, and therefore has no public hair. Her body hair is indeed black, and she does not shave, for she finds no reason to. In her human form, her public hair is black and curly. For the same reason, she doesn’t mind how well groomed her partner is.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? are they romantic?)

Intimate is not what I would call her teasing, overstimulating, and degrading, but she may say that it is romantic, in her own way. She’ll tell you how good if a slut you’re being, and call that praise, and she’s most likely to show you more of her soul which having sex. So yes, one may say that she is intimate.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcannon)

She strikes me as the type of person to either sit out her sexual desires, or use the most elaborate toys to satisfy herself.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Degradation, overstimulation, you’ll hear these words again. She loves to feel in control, like what she’s doing to you is a favour fucking you dumb like this.

L = Location (favourite places to have sex)

(Finally I’ve written someone who’s location is not the bedroom) Yidhra’s favourite location to have sex is in her dream world - she’ll wrap the shadows around the two of you, transporting you both into a private, endless world, where everything is under her control and there is no need to fear interruption. This, however, causes her to be a bit more tired after sex, and she may lie in the bed for a few moments before leaving.

M = Motivation (what turns them on?)

While she does not have the highest libido, she will indulge any of your needs. Yidhra gets turned on when you express your submissiveness to her.

N = No (what turns them off?)

A rather hard question. Call her a dirty whore? She’ll demand you say it again. Say she’s not worthy to be a god? She’ll have you begging like a slut. Perhaps don’t bring up other people in the moment - it’s an intimate, private act, and she wants you only thinking about her.

O = Oral (do they prefer giving or receiving? how skilled are they?)

She has quite the long tongue, so she would be skilled at giving oral, regardless of her experience. She prefers to give oral, since the feeling of someone’s tongue in her cloaca is a new, uncomfortable feeling that brings embarrassing noises from her mouth.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual?)

Her pace changes with her mood - one moment, she’ll be gentle and sensual, and the next, she’ll be rough and merciless, without any prompting. She’ll adjust herself according to your preferences, if she’s feeling it.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies)

She’ll happily do it, even suggest it if you’re feeling horny in public. The risk, the time limit, everything about it is arousing to her.

R = Risk (are they experimental? do they take risks?)

While she isn’t the most experimental being, she is willing to try things out when it comes to you. Being in her dream world, the risks are minimised, although still there.

S = Stamina (how long do they last?)

Forever, if she feels like it. She’ll go for five or so rounds, overstimulating you when you’re exhausted, and then decide that’s enough. If you can keep up with her, all the better. She knows that she shouldn’t spend all day having sex with you, but she might as well.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them?)

If her own powers was a toy, then yes, she uses toys. She would speed up time in the dream world, so that you did not experience your orgasm, but ride the wave that came after it. Bondage, gags, and strap-ons would be made out of nothing.

U = Unfair (how much do they like to tease?)

Teasing is her hobby. She’ll whisper words into you ears during a match, run her fingers along your thighs, and laugh when you’re flustered. All this work is to make the sex feel better than before - she’ll be itching to get along with it, but foreplay is a must.

V = Volume (how loud are they?)

She moans a normal amount, but she is quiet and her voice sweet. While there is not much communication, she’ll let you know if anything feels bad, or if she’s unwilling to continue.

W = Wild card (a random headcannon for the character)

She does not like to trim her fingernails, and will not do so until you put long fingernails inside her cloaca to give her a taste of her own medicine. Then, she will trim them before inserting her fingers into you.

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

The bottom half of Yidhra looks as if it is from a snake, so she would have a cloaca. There’s not much going on underneath her clothes, although, with her being a god, she is able to procure a penis is she’d like.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

While she doesn’t have much of a sex drive, she doesn’t mind indulging you with whatever desires that you have.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Sleep is for the mortals, and Yidhra is no mortal. She may lie beside you, watching you sleep, but will not do so herself.