#i believe it's when they're talking about like. how you can send gifts or whatever and pick up the characters' responses at spinda's café

[front-facing-pokemon]

[avocado-writing]

Could I request headcanons for Astarion, Gale, Wyll, Halsin, Dammon, Rolan, and Zevlor react to overhear his gn crush saying how they're sure it's unrequited love as much as they love HIM?

OH so soft! yes absoloutely, enjoy!

Astarion

now to be fair. he is a bit smug to overhear that you love him.

but he's also... touched? that you, lovely you, would feel that way about him?

obviously he's been trying to seduce you and everything, but he's pleased to hear that it's worked, but why does he feel so warm? happy?

maybe he waits until a casual moment between the two of you, when he feels like he can confess and it isn't too heavy, and he just lets out a little "I love you too, you know."

you stop. he can hear the way your blood pumps.

"...oh..." your eyes are wide, looking at the floor.

he takes your hand and it makes you look up at him, and then he brings you in for a kiss.

he can feel how relieved you are. and he's so happy to be part of something real, something requited.

Gale

overhears you and wants to say something about it immediately, but won't interrupt in person...

so he just uses a Sending instead.

"I hope you don't mean that, because I am desperately in love with you. only a fool wouldn't be."

you freeze and your eyes flit over to where he's standing, face as open as a book with his love for you.

you excuse yourself from your conversation and he follows, seeing how embarrassed you are, you tell him he wasn't meant to hear you, you just had to get it off of your chest...

he takes your hand and pulls you in for a long kiss. if you won't believe his words, maybe you'll believe his actions.

you melt into him. just melt, and the two of you stay together like that.

longest that Gale's been quiet for ages...

Wyll

he does interrupt, because he can't stand to hear you talk about yourself like that.

asks for a private word.

takes you to a seculded location and sees how uncomfortable you are, tilts your chin up to look him in the eyes, wants you to see the sincerity when he speaks.

"I'm sorry if I gave you the impression I did not love you. I do, in fact. most ardently."

he will tell you about the moment that made him fall in love with you, all the things you do that make him fall a little deeper every day.

as he speaks he watches the way your body relaxes, your eyes get hopeful.

when he finishes speaking you press your lips to his in a kiss, and it's the sweetest first kiss imaginable.

Halsin

he's an old elf at this point. he hasn't got the patience to let you wallow in uncertainty.

if he hears you say you love him, and he feels the same, he will let you know immediately.

finds an excuse to have the two of you be together. maybe to gather firewood.

when you're alone he will instigate physical contact - brushing your hair out of your face or something like that

when you respond positively, he will move to cup your face, look properly into your eyes.

"my heart. I need you to know that whatever you feel for me, it is reciprocated a hundred times over. you make my blood stir in a way I had quite forgotten..."

you should kiss him now. he will return it. the two of you will spend some time alone together in the forest, getting to know each other more intimately...

Dammon

oh, Dammon. he's so shocked.

him? you love him?

wants to make a big gesture but doesn't know how. probably asks Karlach for advice.

in the end he smiths you a special piece of jewellery and gifts it to you the next time you're together alone. maybe he even invites you on a date specially!

he tries to get to the point about how he feels but rambles on... eventually you reach out to hold his hand and it gives him courage...

he gives you the jewellery and sees your eyes light up. he offers to put it on you. fingers linger on your skin.

"you know, I lov..." "I know, Dammon. I know."

you can't stop beaming. he's never been happier.

Rolan

annoyed!

why can't you just be upfront with him about this! he obviously loves you back!

oh... loves you? hmmm. that's news to him. but of course he does! you're brilliant! how can't you see that?

has a couple of drinks one night for courage and then goes to find you. it is not an eloquent confession.

"I overheard you the other day! and I want you to know I feel the same way! about you! love, that is >:("

you stand there, fucking bamboozled, before dragging him in by the collar for a kiss.

he smiles so hard and you can feel it as your lips meet.

"silly boy," you sigh, fondly, and kiss him again before he can complain.

Zevlor

another old man who doesn't want to waste time.

he loves you. of course he loves you. there's no point hiding it, if there's a chance the two of you can be happy.

when he has a spare, quiet moment with you, certain nobody can overhear, he speaks sincerely.

"i do not know what I could offer which would make me worthy of your love, but I swear I will work every day until I am."

oh, he is so sweet. you collapse into his arms for a kiss. your strong, brave paladin <3

[kalims]

sugar

flushed — when you fluster them and how they act.

do you want a 'kiss' — not an actual kiss, the chocolate.

falling (asleep) — you fall asleep on their shoulder.

w/ malleus draconia

commissioned by paru !

flushed — when you fluster them and how they act.

typically if it was anyone else, they'd have a really hard time to gauge out a reaction from malleus when the most they'll get is probably a barely evident crease, or raise in his brows.

in this case tis our very lovely mc who malleus is very much already on the ground from how fast he fell. you could do just about anything, give him a rock or something, and he’ll thank you eternally and keep it in a room above the most eccentric gifts he's ever gotten.

(god forbid if sebek ever enters, and sees some random rock on a pedestal meanwhile his gifts for the master is just.. there on some table like malleus didn't even think twice to leave it there then worship that rock!)

^ well thankfully, out of respect. sebek believes that someone like him simply is not privileged enough to enter the room of his esteemed master.

anything remotely affectionate from you would definitely send malleus to cloud nine for the whole day, he's practically emitting comical hearts every second you're together. they're trailing after him as he's following you around.

so you have a variety of choices! a heartfelt compliment, a hug, maybe even a kiss. whatever you choose will only feed on the overflowing glass that's called; 'malleus' love for mc'. trust me if you think he's like 67% in love with you, you're WRONG.

it's actually 101% and it's still increasing I swear 😭 

well the glass I was talking about is probably overflowing right now, and it's also probably going to start drowning everyone.

as in… everyone's just stuck to witness malleus' insanely endearing reactions to your shenanigans. should they be scared that malleus would probably do it in a heartbeat if you asked to take over the world??

yeah they should tbh.

in this case, I believe a close hug then a whisper in his ears would really make that arrow hit straight to his heart. you can't just whisper 'doritos' though! /j but you shall instead proclaim your love for him instead with a single 'I love you'.

it's funny to see his face completely freeze. you can practically hear his brain absolutely blowing up. there's a wobbly grin stretching across his face, the tip of his ears turn a shade of pink.

he looks… shy, but oddly pleased.

hellour congratulations malleus will not stop till you're both bound for life 💀 trust me he won't take anyone else if it isn't you anymore. he loves you THAT much.

malleus is not aware of the feeling blooming in his chest, it's foreign. he could even describe it as addictive. he's clueless really, but what he's sure of is that he wonders if you'd feel that too if he did the same to you.

oh well.. you've exposed him to such a euphoric feeling. it's only natural for him to return the favor. 

so honestly just expect him to be the rizzlord for the rest of your existence, he's rizzing you up every chance he can get. and the fact that most of it is just him not trying at all, and just being himself.

which is also funny cause when he does try to 'charm' you it ends up in fail.

like who let him bring you the 'rewards of his hunt' as a courting offering.

and when he tries to recite a letter he wrote for you, it's very endearing, and flattering but he's been talking for quite a long time now and you're concerned.

do you want a 'kiss' — not an actual kiss, the chocolate.

*malleus holding a big ass bowl* yes pls

^ but that's if he knows it's chocolate, and still wants the legit kiss. in a way that's the amount he'd want if it was the real deal.

not that he does know! cause malleus isn't exactly educated in the chocolate culture. as horrifying as it sounds, i doubt he snacks on chocolate in his free time.

I guess he didn't have much time to be a child :(.

he's tasted it before though! but knowing specific brands doesn't really cross his mind. for malleus chocolate is just chocolate. 

so he definitely doesn't know that there's a brand of chocolate called kisses.

so when you ask him if he wants a kiss he's like: yes. IMMEDIATELY. 

ok maybe not immediately but he gives you this certain look, and when he registers your silence at his face he realizes that you're being serious. 

malleus rn: well I mean ur offering so 

WHEN DID HE EVEN FINISH EATING A MINT CANDY.

jokes aside it's almost sad to think how he'll react when it's in fact, not a kiss.

when you pull out some kind of thing wrapped around in some kind of foil and place it inside malleus' palm he's just confused. where are his kisses?? why are you giving him this thing??

malleus spots the 'kisses' label on it and blanks.

oh.. so that's what you meant.

okay he's happy to receive anything from you but that's foul play!

but he really likes you so he won't comment on it 😞 you didn't even elaborate so it's partially his fault for jumping into conclusions.

no one can explain, not even you when there's a visible aura radiating off malleus. something gloomy, and he won't tell you even if you point out that you've noticed him constantly glancing at your face.

well your lips but you also don't know that.

falling (asleep) — you fall asleep on their shoulder.

would refuse to move at all.

first of all, he's honored that you trust him this much to lower your guard, and fall asleep on him. malleus is aware, sorta. he doesn't stop talking but instead slows down his words.

he doesn't want to wake you up, does he?

so he just settles on rambling in hopes that even in your dreams, his voice would reach you. you'd dream of him day, and night.

but when he's done malleus makes very little movement, hyper aware that you've fallen asleep on him. so when he finally assumes a position most comfortable for you, (plus one where he wouldn't crane his neck too much to peer at you) and he just stares.

he's done this plenty of times when you were awake so he doesn't know why he's doing it now. maybe it's because he sees you awake every time, and when you were, he could see the slightest bit of exhaustion present in your eyes.

this way he can be at peace knowing you are.

he recalls your certain features, he'd love to just gaze into your eyes right now and see himself in it but the fact that he can feel all your weight on him is better than anything he's ever felt before. 

cold, rainy days in nrc are just a blessing from grace.

but you now just discover that rain here is a lot stronger than your local pour back at home. to make everything worse, you had no idea it was gonna rain this hard, and if you did you wouldn't have taken the time to visit the city on a sunday.

now you're stuck waiting under a cover outside a shop. your patience honestly starting to run thin. from your legs sincerely, you're immensely thankful for the random bench under it cause you're sure they would have been quaking from the amount of time you spent waiting.

but you do like the weather, cold weather is rare to see when the sunny days reign over many.

you should have brought a jacket or something.

"child of man?"

you blink when malleus tilts his head at you, a thin smile playing upon his lips. his shoulders seem to ease up at the sight of you. your eyes fly above him, weirdly enough it's like there's some invisible force protecting malleus from the weather so he's completely dry.

albeit weakly, you still make an effort to give him a half hearted wave. 

of which he notes.

malleus makes his way over to you, and your beloved bench you had started acquainting yourself with. "may I?" he gestures beside you, and you take that as an initiative to move over.

he takes a seat next to you right after.

"how are you faring?" his eyes crinkle, he stares deeply into you. 

you chuckle. "well I'm stuck here for a while I guess. I already miss my bed,"

the man beside you raises his brow before lightly raising his shoulder, leaning towards you a little for emphasis but you're sure that's just another excuse to take up more of your space.

you get what he's implying in a second. "oh no, no," you shake your head. that would be… embarrassing. 

but your yawn betrays you, and malleus easily coaxes you into using his shoulder. with or without your will, you can't even remember what happened until you blearily open your eyes, and realize the rain has passed by.

when you wake up you feel like you've had the best sleep in your life. but you're sure you would have frozen to death by now.

your hands feel the fabric between your fingers, previously taken over your shoulders. ah.

… as well as a pair of eyes staining into your existence.

wc. 1.5k

[cherrysweather]

can i rq edgeworth who has liiike a huge crush on fem reader :3 but reader is like super oblivious to it and she keeps accidentally doing things to fluster him 😭😭

Hellu anoon! I hope you're doing fine and that you take care of yourself! This is so cute, so I hope I wrote it well enough for you to like it ;v; Have a good day and remember the water! <3 -----------------------------------------

Miles Edgeworth x an oblivious crush:

We all know that Miles becomes emotionally incapacitated when it comes to handling feelings different from discomfort, anger or simply his neutral state of mind;

So you can perfectly imagine how many times he stumbles over his words and blushes per se when he's with her;

To start a conversation he has to think about what to talk about, at least two possibilities of her responses, and how to continue it afterwards;

That's the exact motive why her behavior DOES NOT help him, at all;

He doesn't understand if she does it on purpose or if she's that unaware of his own behavior in her regard;

But, from many points of view, Miles doesn't dislike it completely, since it allows him to be somewhat more free without necessarily embarrassing himself, since she doesn't suspect anything;

He often buys her small gifts or takes her to eat after work, but even if he tries with all his strength (which he never can fully use), she always sees it as a "date" between friends;

She probably starts to doubt after Miles' continuous kind gestures, but it's also the last thing she wants to illude herself of, so that's the main reason why she believes anything Miles does for her is just form a friend to another;

So she just tries to reciprocate his affection;

When she finds some particular tea leaves, he's the first one that comes to her mind, so she buys them for him;

Whenever they're together, she likes to hold onto his arm or when they're in very crowded spaces, she holds his hand nonchalantly and just drags him;

She sends some photos of her days and always makes sure to wish him a good morning and a good night;

When she can, she comes to his office to keep him company if she knows that he has to work for many hours (and sometimes even falls asleep on his sofa);

U s e l e s s to say that Miles is even more confused and flustered with each of her actions;

Mostly when she proposes to help him choose the outfits of the day and, once together, she fixes every inch of his, from the shirt collar, that irregular fold on his jacket and her beloved hair;

Oh dear, she has to only skim his scalp to make his temperature rise suddenly, his hands trembling in his pockets when he feels his locks being gently pulled to be styled;

And, of course, the nonexistent distance between their faces (a thing that Miles tries to ignore by keeping his eyes closed);

And at this point, even a whole poster on which is written "I LOVE YOU" will leave her doubting.

"Miles look!" She tugged his sleeve and dragged him near the lakeside "There are little ducklings" She knelt immediately and tried to have a closer look at them "Maybe we should leave them alone; if the mother's around I don't know how she would take two strangers" He lowered himself and made sure she wouldn't fall into the water "I'm not doing anything, yet" She grinned and looked around to see if there was something to feed them "Don't- They probably aren't even developed yet to digest something that isn't water-like textured" He held her still when she tried to get up to take whatever she saw "But I wanted to hold one" She got up anyway and waved to the babies when they started to go away "We should adopt some ducks" She went behind him and hugged his neck, slightly putting her weight on his back "Some? I think one is more than enough, and I'm sorry to say but you'll be the one to keep it" He tried his total best to control the trembling of his voice and put his hands in the water to stop them too, from trembling and to at least try calming the hot wave that started from his face and went everywhere "But why! They're cute, maybe noisy and not exactly calm in the house, but they are soft" "Dogs are also soft, and are way more manageable than a duck" He stood up, attempting to get her to break away from him, but she remained hugged to his neck, on her toes "Just becaaause, you already had one and blah blah, we'll see who's truly right" She moved her arms from the neck to his chest, squeezing him to bother him and prove her point. The laugh that came from her mouth made Miles melt for a second, breathing to calm himself down and -HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW AND WHY- placing his trembling hands on hers, taking the courage to turn around and seeking to clarify whether something could actually exist, between those two.

[edge-oftheworld]

no but i can't get over how actually well done the last few days were. announce a surprise and not 48 hours later we find out that 1) tour movie, the same thing taylor swift did a few months ago and now everyone wants plus we know it's a show they worked super hard on, 2) it's free, excellent for anyone who couldn't afford to go etc (we've all been there) and out literally right now on a (mostly) free platform (the very same one that they got started on but anyway) and perhaps most notably, 3) it's free with the hopes that you might instead of paying for it donate to gaza, and the links are right there.

like they could've charged us $20 each for the show and sent all their profits there themselves (with the hope that we believe they're being honest that it's 100%, for them of course we would but i know others have lied about similar). but instead they gave us autonomy over our donation just like. encouraged it. like cmon who wouldn't listen when ashton tells us to donate to something if we can? (also did anyone else say so, i'm not the best at keeping up with social media so lmk if there's more of them to give credit to here). anyway we gotta talk about it more. how perfectly this was done: we get a gift!! be it for christmas if you celebrate or just in general, that we expected we'd have to pay for. now we get asked, hey, if you have any money could you send it to these people who Really Need It So Badly if you can? I know not all of you do so we won't stop you from watching the movie if you don't but

also this is a really clever way to show their support for gaza. like they are (deliberately i think) trying not to be leaders in an area that they aren't experts in, and there has been a lot of misinformation around, a lot of misunderstanding, like yes they did stand up for ukraine last year but the media was a lot more black and white for that one (or should i say blue and yellow) but when it comes down to it they're not stupid and they're not fooled by whatever the country they currently live in is pushing and they've actually taken their time to not say shit to save face prematurely but actually do something that's, even if not big or dramatic, gonna be impactful? they've not put themselves out there campaigning for a ceasefire, yes, but they've posted links that are. they've not guilted us into donating but please tell me you're not at least feeling some obligation to. it's simple, it's actionable, it's right there in the caption and takes like 20 seconds. and if any of us in the fandom (global family or whatever they're building) are leading in the ceasefire decolonisation space we have our little encouragement to see that yes, these musicians we love aren't gonna sit there and do nothing. it's not monumental, but it's something.

and tbh i wouldn't be surprised if this was all planned like a week ago in a zoom call between australia and the usa when ryan texted to say that the film was done. like it was in their random spontanous lightheated style. i also think we can learn something from the fact that it's okay to not jump on everything the minute it comes out but actually every lasting impact is a long-haul effort that you've gotta sustain yourself for by doing what you love as well. and also sometimes the right opportunity to do something about what we care about comes and you just take it, don't think too hard, don't wait either if you don't need to, if there is a cause that needs your effort whenever you get an opportunity to give it will always be the right time. hopefully they've set a precedent for something--i have no idea if any artist has done similar but i'm really proud of them.

and that's why i don't get the fact that we've been talking about how horrific this genocide is and then going right to which songs they cut or kept. like i would like a live version of you don't go to parties! but i would like an entire fandom to donate to aid for gaza even more and be thinking about why we need a ceasefire and maybe doing something about it even more. i've been unwell yes and under financial and other stress yes but i'm not starving or freezing to death and so i'll take that L and i won't go home. i won't stop talking about what's important. i'm starting to find my voice again and this has been a big inspiration for it between all the discouragement.

have we not figured it out? they're not just dumbasses sometimes they do something towards a cause we really care about so let's give them credit for that. heck they even filmed bad omens in ukraine in 2022 have we forgotten about that? they don't put themselves out there as influential figures in any way but that's sometimes the best way to humanise the people we care about (and i think honestly they just do this naturally because when you're not chasing clout and you're trained to recognise talent and potential talent in even the worst situations, you'll automatically think like that). it's small in the face of everything going on, yes. so am i! and if i learned anything over the last 24 hours it's that small things can be meaningful. this has been to me and i don't doubt to the recipients of the donations of (i hope) an entire fandom.

(also if you don't mind the tag @littledrummerangie i know you were talking along a similar vein a few weeks back and i'm keen to hear if you want to, if you found this as satisfying as me)

[jjkeverlast]

Hello, I'm new here 👉👈 Congrats on your milestone 💜

I hope it's okay to request seokjin x metalhead reader. Reader drags his ass to a metal concert (a scary metal band like Rammestein, Slipknot, Cannibal Corpse etc) and jin screams louder than the actual band vocalist on stage. They also get playfully teased by bts and army for being polar-opposites of each other. Mostly crack and fluff. Thank you 💜

scream! | ksj

>> pairing idol!seokjin x metalhead!reader

>> genre/au's crack | fluff | concert!au | idol!au | est. relationship

>> summary you drag your boyfriend to a slipknot concert, not expecting for him to scream louder than the lead singer.

>> word count 934 (an actual drabble let us cheer!!!)

>> warnings a reaaally bad joke by jin | they're very cute | ft. jungkook | they drink one beer during the concert | some kisses and morning cuddles :')

>> author's note heyyyyoooo welcome on here!! sorry for the late response to your request. i hope this lil drabble meets your expectations. thank you for requesting!! <33

It was a birthday gift to you when Seokjin had agreed to let you drag him to a Slipknot concert. He could see how excited you were for him to see what metal was all about, because it’s one of the many things you love. 

And Seokjin loves you, meaning he wants to understand every aspect of your interests. 

It had been an advantage with concert tickets and seats with Seokjin being a part of BTS. 

The seats were on the balcony, having a perfect view down to the stage and catching onto the huge bold letters in red. Everything was set ready and after managing to get to your seats, you and Seokjin shared a beer that you passed between you two. 

“Thank you for this.” 

Seokjin giggles, wrapping an arm around you and giving you a peck to your temple. 

“Whatever my baby wants. Also can we talk about their name? Slipknot? That’s so cool, but… I can’t help but think about knotting.” Seokjin rambles on, and your eyes pop open by the indication of him reading omega verse fics. 

“Did Jimin share those with you?” 

“Actually… Namjoon stumbled upon one on Twitter and after drinking, we couldn’t resist and read the whole thread.” He admits, his cheeks growing a faded pink.

“I cannot believe you.” You begin to laugh, finding it ridiculous that Slipknot made Seokjin admit to reading knotting in fics. 

Although it doesn’t really surprise you. There are some… interesting things out there in the fandom and curiosity can always get the worst out of someone. 

“Stop laughing!” He scolds you jokingly, handing you to beer. 

“You’re cute.” You peck his lips before taking a sip. 

The show finally starts, lights dimming down and the Slipknot members walking out to their positions. 

Seokjin’s eyes bulge out by the costumes they’re decorated in, yet super amazed by the creativity and the world of metal coming into view. 

You clutch onto him, joining the crowds screaming as the first song starts playing. 

“How the fuck are they able to scream this way?!” He shouts in your ear, arm around your waist to keep you close. 

“Bet you can’t with your pretty vocals.” You tease, screaming along with the lyrics. 

It’s fun, Seokjin jumping with you, following your rhythm. 

But, he takes you by surprise by screaming beside you, his voice ringing through louder than the lead singer who’s head raises in your direction. 

“Holy shit.” The lead singer pauses to say, everyone laughing as they watch Seokjin. You’re shocked yourself and Seokjin bowes comically for everyone, the lead singer sending a thumbs up your way before returning to the song ‘Custer.’ 

The night is eventful, freeing and wild. 

“I cannot believe you did that!” You shout when you walk out of the arena, hand in hand. 

“I’m full of surprises.” 

“Why do I have a feeling the night isn’t over yet?” 

“Because it’s not.” He kisses you softly, a bit longer than your usual small pecks and you clutch tightly onto his broad shoulders. 

“S’ cute.” Seokjin mumbles against your lips and you nibble his bottom lip before pulling away. 

“Stop.” 

— 

It’s the next morning when Seokjin hugs you from behind, nuzzling his head in your nape as he mumbles a groggy greeting. 

“Morning.” You trace your fingers on his smooth skin, grabbing your phone while he slowly wakes up. 

Twitter is the first app you check and your feed is spiraling out of control. Seokjin is trending with Slipknot and you let out a grin. 

“Jinnie! Look.” You shove the video of him that an army shared, captioning it ‘Seokjin vs. Slipknot’. 

It’s the exact moment where Seokjin screams so loud the arena turns to look up, catching the view of a flustered yet excited Seokjin that bows at the attention. 

“Holy shit.” He laughs against your skin, the tingles running further down your spine. 

The comments are filled with positivity, many screaming how lovely it is to see Seokjin open minded to the genre of mental and how cozy you both looked despite being polar opposites in the blink of an eye. 

It looks funny, your fully black clothes, shredded and chains hanging wherever the possibilities stand and Seokjin in a clean black blazer with a white t-shirt under. 

“Fuck. Hold on.” Seokjin pushes himself away, reaching for his phone that keeps ringing. 

“What now, Jungkook?” He groans, irritated that the golden maknae is interrupting his morning cuddling session with his partner. 

“Hyung! I cannot believe you did that.” Jungkook is laughing, high pitched enough for you to hear it. 

“Put me on speaker.” He demands and Seokjin rolls his eyes but does it regardless. 

“Hey, Y/N?” Jungkook asks for you and you hum, giving a sign you’re able to hear him. 

“Do you think Jin-hyung would be able to scream King for a Day?” 

“Is that a challenge, Jungkook?” Seokjin is frowning but he hasn’t even heard the song. 

“Back me up!” It’s directed towards you and you chuckle.

“Jinnie, I don’t think you can. Vic knows how to scream.” You make him aware but Seokjin is having none of it. 

“Well Vic is going to lose his job after I beat him.” 

“Yeah you do that, hyung.” Jungkook says through the phone and you both giggle when Seokjin is still confident. 

“It’s not metal though babe. But he’s a screamer.” 

“Put it on. Jungkook, I’m hanging up.” 

Let’s just say, Seokjin learns how to tune down the confidence after hearing King for a Day and not speaking more of it for the rest of the day. 

© jjkeverlast 2023 [do not copy, translate or repost any of my works.]

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Dedication

Prompts: I come barring a prompt! DRLAMP with platonic creativitwins, of course. so, Logan has these files on the sides, they've got all he knows about them and they have a section dedicated to their likes and dislikes and what to do when they're confronted with things they don't like. so he gives them small yet very thoughtful gifts every so often and makes an effort to help them when they're not feeling their best, however, he never lets them know it's him because he is so sure they hate him that he's convinced his methods wouldn't be as effective if they knew it was him doing it, so he hides. after the wedding, tensions are high so he tries to make them feel better, but, since he's pretty down in the dumps as well, he isn't as careful hiding as he usually is, so when the sides receive their gifts and help, they decide to figure out who has been sending them so they can thank them, now that they've managed to talk things out and are friends again. they figure out it's Logan and ask him why he never took credit for his work, he explains and what they do next is up to you - anon

Hello! Are you doing well? I hope you aren’t burning yourself out; you write so fast! A request, if those are open? I’m maybe just a little obsessed with your Roman and Logan hurt/comfort. Platonic or romantic, it’s all absolutely delicious. I’ve been going slightly crazy over their parallels recently… Do you have any more in the works? If not, totally a-okay! Take care of yourself, please! - anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: none

Pairings: dlampr, can be platonic or romantic you decide

Word Count: 3882

It stands to believe that if Logan upsets someone, naturally, he must strive to ensure they are not upset anymore. It is his fault that the problem exists, therefore he must be the one to solve it. 

He pays attention, as is his job, to exactly what it is that causes the problem. Was he accidentally too brash or harsh? Did he dismiss an idea out of hand without realizing the consequences that would have? Has he overlooked someone in his efforts to be more efficient and erroneously decided that something wasn’t important?

He has found that most likely, the issue will fall into one of the aforementioned categories. As such, he has developed a flow chart. 

Did the Side in question directly approach him about the issue? 

More likely, this answer will be ‘no.’ Unlike himself, the other Sides do not tend to communicate in explicit and succinct ways. He has pondered this several times, failing to understand why they believe that refraining from addressing the issues bluntly is more beneficial in the long term. The solution that he has been offered when he asks them about it informs Step 2.

2. Are they avoiding interaction with Logan out of a belief that he is still upset with him?

Through no fault of their own, the Sides often believe that Logan remains discontented with them after the interaction ceases. Sometimes this is true, however in cases such as this, often whatever discontent there may have been will fade almost immediately once it has been expressed. He does not know how he can assure them of this permanently, though he does not mind the need to. After all, in times of emotional upset, one cannot be expected to perform the most rational of thinking. He does not and will never hold that against them. 

3. Do they believe that Logan desires the avoidance of contact due to believing them a burden?

The other Sides are not burdens to him. He willingly chooses to engage with them and interact with them. He is not Patton—he is not exuberant of his love and care for them—but he has a deep and meaningful fondness and affection for every single one of them. As such, they could never be burdens as they are not a task he has shouldered unwillingly and unknowingly. 

Telling them as much tends to make them cry. 

4. Have they explained what it was that upset them?

This one is…difficult at times. If the Side believes they are a burden, it normally takes several rounds of reassurance before they are comfortable enough to share the details of their sadness. Once they do, however, it is simple enough to decide what his response should be. 

A. Accidentally too brash or harsh: apologize for his insensitivity and assure them that he does not think badly of them. Ask what in particular it was that made them upset and add it to the list of sensitive topics. Reassure them with compliments that he does care deeply for them. 

B. Dismissed out of hand: apologize for implying that their idea was not worthy of consideration. Refrain from explaining reasons because this can be seen as making excuses or defending his actions. Remind them that under no circumstances does his rejection of an idea imply that he rejects them as a Side or as someone he cares about. Propose an alternative or workshop one with them. 

C. Overlooked: apologize for underestimating how important this was to the Side. Offer comfort if it is asked for. Propose an alternative that they would enjoy. 

He has learned, however, that there can be lingering feelings after the interaction has resaved completely. Even when apologies have been made and alternatives have been proposed, there can be lingering hurt on their behalf or a guilt on his own. A residual emotional injury, one that cannot be fixed by attempting to further deepen the interaction, but one that requires a different angle. 

One of the discoveries that has been his most meaningful is that if he is the cause of the emotional hurt, there is only so much he, as himself, can do in order to assuage it. Often, his presence is enough to remind them of the infliction of the original hurt and prevent him from fully healing it. As such, it stands to reason that an outside source of joy or pleasure would benefit them once he has done as much as he can on his own. 

This is where the gifts come in. 

The sentimentality and positivity that humans—and Sides—associate with inanimate objects is fascinating. Perhaps it is due to the way humans are designed to interact with their environment and other humans, a sort of innate pack bonding that developed as an evolutionary tactic for survival. It is most evident in the subtle, gentle caring love that most humans cannot refrain from developing for anything that is even slightly intuitive; an attachment to things that they know cannot actually reciprocate or care, but there is always at least a little suspicion that they might. 

Children—and adults—will kiss stuffed animals on the head if they fall or are accidentally dropped. He has seen college students and working professionals croon and speak softly to their laptops or other devices, thanking them for performing their functions or encouraging them to do just a little bit more. Or the sadness that one feels when they lose an object that was important to them, not necessarily because they have lost a possession but because it was theirs and it had been present through many emotional journeys and now its absence was keenly felt. 

He digresses. 

Providing the other Sides with a gift not only gives them an outlet for this type of affection, but it enables him to better understand what it is they require from him in terms of emotional support. As an added bonus, it can help to assuage his own guilt by seeing them so happy. He has…often been accused of being incapable of leaving a task incomplete. 

With this in mind, he has prepared files on each of the Sides to ensure their gifts are uniquely suited to them. 

For Patton, it is anything soft and cuddly or an appliance that might be useful in the kitchen. Patton, for all his proclamations of being a father to the other Sides, is not the…most adept in the kitchen. Not simply because his palate is…oh, what’s a polite way to phrase this…let’s say compatible with the tastes of the others, but because his attention span will often wander during time-sensitive tasks. 

A sparkly kitchen timer that will sit at his elbow and ring merrily when time has elapsed. A spatula with a kitten head, complete with white and pink spots and a pair of eyes that smile from one side. Oven mitts that have clouds and rainbows that make a satisfying thump when you clap with them on. 

And, of course, any stuffed animal that is big enough to squish his face into and huggable enough to stand in for one of the Sides if necessary. 

Patton, as the Side that primarily deals with Thomas’s emotions, often experiences the emotional consequences of a meeting even if the Side in question will not. And as most Sides are not as…willing to experience the full extent of Patton’s emotional support, a plush that works as a stand-in is greatly appreciated. 

For Virgil, although he would deny it to his last breath—not that Sides need to breathe, strictly, as they are metaphysical—also appreciates stuffed animals. These ones, though, have to be more carefully curated than the ones given to Patton. Due to Virgil’s anxiety, he requires objects that can help ground him. Through discussions, Logan has learned that these often come in the form of tactically stimulating objects like fidgets or textured things, or pressure therapy like weighted blankets. 

The stuffed animals he gifts to Virgil are either weighted plushes—in the form of dinosaurs or bats—or stuffed animals of the more obscure kind that have fascinating natural features. A cassowary he was particularly proud of has individual feathers on its back for Virgil to run his fingers through. A pangolin has individual scales, ones where the fluffy material alternates directions. A Komodo dragon has lifelike skin, perfect for stroking with the palm of his hands to ground himself. 

He also offers replacements. A phone charger with a cord long enough to reach anywhere he needs it to. A set of headphones that are both noise canceling and soft enough to prevent sensory overload if he needs to wear them for extended periods of time. A new fidget cube after his last one broke. 

Virgil, no matter what Janus likes to insist, is responsible for Thomas’s immediate survival In a crisis, Virgil is the Side that takes control first, he is often their first and last line of defense against particularly troubling onslaughts. As such, anything Logan can do to ensure that he can ‘switch off’ is of the utmost importance. 

For Janus, Logan has often had the occasional thought that he is restocking a spa as opposed to getting gifts for his friend. Janus has one of the most scrupulous and meticulous self-care routines Logan has ever encountered, though this by no means surprises him. As a Side responsible for self-preservation, it therefore follows that he would not exempt himself from this aspect of his duties. 

Bath salts that will not irritate his scales. Bath bombs that are gentle enough to soothe him but not too gentle as to have no effect. A new face mask that boasts hyaluronic acid and other moisturizing ingredients that will work for both the scaled and flesh sides of his face. And of course, a restocking of whatever products he seems to be running out of. 

Logan also pays attention to what it is that Janus picks for himself. He is the expert on his needs, after all. So Logan will supply him with new batteries for a heat lamp, a fresh bulb if the old one seems to be losing its efficiency. He has replaced exfoliating brushes, microfiber towels, even supplying new material for gloves if need be. 

Janus, unlike some of the other Sides, finds more comfort in his solitude than in the company of others. Logan has no desire to compete with Janus’s comfort levels, and as such, will not infringe on them. A boundary has been established, it is his duty to respect it. 

For Remus, Logan will readily admit that he has the most fun picking out what to gift him. Remus is not known for his adherence to tradition or routine, and as such, gifting him things like appliances or objects with uses is relatively useless. Remus enjoys the most random of things—not just in the expected Remus way. If you get Remus something he doesn’t know what to do with, he will be ecstatic. 

A packet of glow-in-the-dark stars that he now has to find a place for. A snow globe from somewhere that Thomas has never been that is now part of an incredible recreation of a Coraline scene. An ordinary-seeming matryoshka doll with a penguin as the smallest doll that is now his favorite thing to brainstorm with. 

And, of course, there are the Remus-expected gifts. A vial of whale blood. A ghost heart, designed for an experiment Logan scrapped that he now has no use for. A vial of some type of mystery liquid that sat at his station for so long that he has both completely forgotten what it was and is slightly worried about doing more experiments near it. 

Remus is…a wonder. It is like shopping for an eclectic uncle and a little kid all at the same time. Remus excels in the chaos when he is allowed to be off-the-cuff, so to speak, and entirely his own. Logan gives him things he has no idea what to do with because he can always rely on Remus to come up with something spectacular. 

Roman…oh, Roman. 

Logan is not too proud to confess that out of all the Sides, Roman is both the most difficult to gift things for and the one he finds himself gifting to most often. The two of them seem destined to disagree over issues, if only because their duties demand it. Thomas’s career as a creative-type and yet one that must manage his own time and responsibilities means that Logic and Creativity must always compete for priority. More often than not, the victor is chosen through direct neglect of the other. 

He must give Roman credit. Wherever possible, Roman will propose alternatives that include them both. He makes concessions when Logan has no intention of making any, he adapts his ideas to fit under Logan’s strict guidelines with stunning ease, he is often the first to apologize when he feels he has pushed too far or stepped out of line. And no matter how much Logan accuses him of being childish and unwilling to cooperate if he can’t get his way, Roman demonstrates his maturity by admitting his faults—often without prompting—and seeking Logan out if he feels that he has done something wrong. 

He has not always extended the same courtesy to Roman. 

That is not to say that Roman is without flaws; the creative Side will resort to insults and mocking if he feels it warranted and he has been known to sulk for longer than acceptable. But Roman is as much a professional as Logan, he knows how to do his job and do it well, and he cares for Thomas. He is Thomas’s Ego, after all, he cannot help certain things. 

…Roman is also far too good of an actor. 

Logan doesn’t like to entertain theories of how Roman became such a good actor, nor the implications for what that means when it comes to how he truly feels. He knows that although Janus is the one who will wear the others’ faces and put on the masquerade of a performer, it is Roman that is rarely found without some sort of mask. He knows bits and pieces of the real Roman, certainly, but if pressed, he isn’t sure he could tell you which bits and pieces. 

The gifts he gives Roman are careful. So careful. Because if Roman realizes who they come from, it will become another part of his disguise or performance and Logan will lose them. An extra of Roman’s favorite pen just as the current one is running out of ink. A refill for his favorite journal that he’s almost at the end of. A new blanket in the hall closet that is soft and heavy and not too suffocating. 

Sometimes he can’t help himself. Thomas will see an advertisement in passing for a large dragon plush with wings large enough to hug you and he’ll sneak it into the Imagination for Roman to find. Or he’ll see a YouTube video he thinks Roman will like and sneaks it onto Thomas’s ‘Watch Later’ list so it will pop up in Roman’s recommended feed. Or once—just once, because he couldn’t risk Roman finding out about it—Roman’s favorite comfort object had been ruined in one of Remus’s gleeful rampages and he’d painstakingly fixed it, leaving it outside his door. 

He doesn’t know what else he can do to really help Roman. Roman has been hurt, he knows, and won’t give up such a vulnerable part of himself without sufficient reason. And he can’t risk Roman putting together what he’s been doing for fear that the opportunity will vanish forever. So he sneaks in what little he can and wonders what he could be doing better. 

It is crucial that none of them ever discover what he is doing. As he mentioned before, the mere fact of his association risks prolonging the hurt instead of helping to soothe it, and as such, anonymity is essential. They do not require Logan in those moments, and so he must remove himself from the equation. 

This makes perfect logical sense, and so Logan is very, very confused when he explains this to a group of Sides who have found him out and is met with more discontent rather than understanding expressions. 

“So what you’re saying,” Virgil says, frowning hard, “is that you thought that if we knew you’d given us the gifts, we would automatically hate them?”

“I did not use the word ‘hate,’ but yes, if you knew of my association—“

“You’re a fucking idiot, Lolo,” Remus interrupts, voice as serious as he’s ever heard it, “and I really wanna hit you about it.”

“Don’t hit him,” Janus says, even though it’s half-hearted—as is Patton’s call of ‘language’—“that’s not nice.”

“What’s not nice is not telling us he gave us the presents because then we can’t thank him!”

“I don’t do it because I expect gratitude,” Logan says quickly, “you don’t need to—“

“Yeah, well, what if we want to, kiddo?” Patton stares at him. “What if we feel weird because we’re just getting stuff that we want and we don’t know who to thank for it?”

“I…did not factor that into my calculations.”

Virgil snorts. “No shit.”

Logan shakes himself. “Would you rather I refrain from gifting you things altogether? If this is the case, I have a few more that I need to—“

“No, sweetie,” Janus interrupts gently, “that’s not what we’re saying.”

Logan blinks. “That is what I am interpreting.”

“We’re saying that we’re grateful for the gifts you give us, as it is obvious how much care and precision you take with it, and we are upset because you believe that we would look badly upon the gifts once we knew they came from you.” Janus reaches out and adjusts his glasses. “Because there is an implication that you believe we neither care for you nor view you with equal affection and importance. It’s your own lack of self-esteem that is making us upset.”

“That’s—I—“

Then Roman starts to move.

Logan’s gaze snaps to him in an instant because Roman is crying, Roman is crying, no, this is bad, he’s done something very wrong, he needs to fix it, he needs to—

“Logan,” he says softly as he sits in front of him on the couch, “are you alright with being touched right now?

Dazed, Logan can only nod. Roman smiles and reaches out—

Oh. Is…is Logan crying too?

“Yes, my darling,” Roman murmurs and he is experiencing an error, please try again later, thank you, “you are. Come here, let me just…there, that’s it.”

Logan is unable to process anything, thank you very much. There is a distant recognition of Roman’s hand is on my face, Roman is wiping my tears, Roman is speaking softly to me and calling me sweet things, but Logan himself is very much not present right now. 

“Sweetling,” Roman murmurs again and Logan should not be surprised that Roman is able to come up with so many pet names, and yet— “may I hug you? I want to comfort you too, you’re upset.”

“I—I—“

“Stop, Roman,” Janus says softly, “he can’t think with you doing that.”

Roman pulls his hand away and Logan sobs. 

“Oh, shh, shh, it’s okay, sweetheart—“ Patton, that’s Patton— “he didn’t leave, we’re not leaving, we just want you to tell us what you need.”

“Deep breaths, L,” Virgil says in a low, comforting voice, “that’s it, there you go.”

Logan cannot do anything. He can’t do anything. Everything is too much. Everything is—

“Hey, Lolo,” comes Remus’s voice as the rest of the world thins out to a low murmur, “can you hear me?”

Yes. 

“Good. I’m just gonna talk to you like this for a sec.”

Okay. 

“We’re here. We care about you. We want to make you feel better. That’s all you gotta think about right now.”

Okay. 

“I think Roro is vibrating with how much he wants to cuddle you right now, can I tell him that’s okay?”

Yes. 

Seconds later, something warm and solid wraps around him and he can hear Roman’s voice murmuring in his ear again. 

“Hello, my darling, I’m right here, is this alright?” Logan nods. “Good, good, sweet thing, I have you, I’m not going anywhere. You just pour all of that into me, okay? Let me take it.”

“Can the others come hug you too?”

Yes. 

A moment later, there are more arms around him, a soft mattress appearing on the floor as someone—Janus, Remus helpfully supplies—scoops him into his lap and runs a hand through his hair. 

“We can figure out everything else later, Lolo,” Remus says as someone else, Virgil, probably, turns the lights down, “but you gotta let yourself relax first.”

“We’re right here,” Roman says gently, “shh, hush, now, my dear.”

But Logan won’t hush, because he has things he needs to say and he ends up just babbling at Roman, completely inarticulate, but this is important and he wants Roman to know and he—

“Shh,” Roman whispers, kissing his forehead, “shh, sweetling. Tell me later, okay? Just cry this out first.”

But that’s hard and everything hurts. 

“I know, sweet thing, I know.” Another kiss to his cheek. “You can do it.”

Can he? He doesn’t think he can. He doesn’t know how. 

One last kiss to his forehead. “As our gift to you, Logan, let yourself cry.”

…well, it’s rude to turn down a gift. 

General Taglist: @frxgprince @potereregina @reddstardust @gattonero17 @iamhereforthegayshit @thefingergunsgirl @awkwardandanxiousfander @creative-lampd-liberties @djpurple3 @winterswrandomness  @sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes  @iminyourfandom  @bullet-tothefeels  @full-of-roman-angst-trash  @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind @demoniccheese83  @pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious  @firefinch-ember  @fandomssaremysoul  @im-an-anxious-wreck  @crazy-multifandomfangirl  @punk-academian-witch  @enby-ralsei  @unicornssunflowersandstuff  @wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite  @princedarkandstormv  @your-local-fookin-deadmeme  @angels-and-dreams  @averykedavra  @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb  @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws @cecil-but-gayer  @i-am-overly-complicated  @annytheseal  @alias290  @tranquil-space-ninja  @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance @whyiask @crows-ace @emilythezeldafan @frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires @cyanide-violence @oonagh2 @xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx @rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734 @triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo @cerulean-watermelon @puffed-up-bees @meltheromanstan @joyrose-fandomer @insanitori @mavenmush @justablah65

If you want to be added/taken off the taglist, let me know!

[thewickedkat]

the descriptors of hubris and pride and careless and reckless have already been run into the ground when it comes to Avalir's relationship with the gods. we all of us know what's coming. we know that Laerryn wants to go to another plane--not a specific one, just sort of an 'anywhere but here' vibe. we know Asmodeus now has his hooks in Zerxus just by wearing a pretty face and talking sweetly, a bird faking a broken wing. Loquatius has his own secrets (what the fuck was that 32, Sam), Patia wants power and equates knowledge with that end; and Hollow and her cronies are doing gods only know what for whatever reason.

the interesting part is why and how.

why? because why not, really. they call the prime material plane boring (except Quay, who is the only one who's experienced another plane), as if they've already sucked out all the marrow from this one. what a joyless perspective, really.

i cannot believe that Laerryn and Patia seem to think that the one salient difference between mages and gods is a matter of...location. certainly not magical magnitude, don't be silly. surely it's accessibility to worlds other than these.

what they're proposing here is like Painfully New Money moving to a very old gated community. or like moving from North America to Australia and expecting to magically be a different person upon arrival. nope, sorry, tou're still the same sad sack of mortal meat you were before.

they saw those tumours in Chloras' body and rather missed the point. there is a point to what amount of power is safe for mortals, Brennan said. that tumour-ridden corpse was evidence of what a god can do whilst in prison. the Ring of Brass did not even pause at that.

the difference between mages of any sort and the gods is both a matter of power and perspective. their spheres and demesnes aren't only arcane and natural magic; they also can see into mortal hearts, pluck at the interconnected threads between people, prey on our fears, send us hope or plunge us into despair, all on a visceral level. the gods see things on a level that mortals simply cannot because their brains cannot handle it. the glimpses of power these mages see are the dictionary definition of awesome, and the old definition of awful--as in full of awe, something great and terrible, so huge mortals don't have words for it. ants looking at and briefly understanding the power grid of a city of 100k people before going back to being an ant with only a strange maddening echo of what they'd seen.

the mages of the flying cities are like toddlers running around in missile silos brute-forcing a computer to give them the launch codes.

they were given warning in a way they would understand. but they called Karwen mad, because of course that has to be false, of course it's wrong, of fucking course it can't happen to them. they're the wizards of Avalir! with everything at their disposal, with all the power they have, nothing like that can happen to them!

(sidebar: we as real-life folks know exactly where that level of hubris gets us. it gets a lot of us dead and still balls-deep in a fucking pandemic. but we all know that particular story.)

on a fandom level (and i know i'm risking a lot here but you know what? bah.), i genuinely don't get how some seem to be sliding toward the Great Asmodeus Woobification and, further, that maybe the Betrayers Had A Point, Really, because--

have these folks looked at any of the Betrayers' spheres of influence? truly looked and understood? because if Azzy had a point, then the Chained goddam Oblivion had a point as well, and i do not see any kind of logic in that. not even monster-logic, despite Azzy's pretty pretty speech to Zerxus about his 'gifts' to mortalkind. i'm all for fleshing out the understanding of the gods in Exandria and supplementing the dogma we're familiar with, but i don't have to agree that any of their reasons for betrayal were valid. maybe i'm biased because i'm mortal, i dunno.

it's easy for us to think of the Primes as 'good.' for they are more benevolent than the alternative; after all, how does it behoove mortals to worship at the feet of hungry entropy personified? i'm a fan of entropy myself but for fuck's sake, i like life better than...nothingness. the Primes allow mortals to benefit from magic and the world--the Dawnfather gives sunlight and nourishes life; the Wildmother allows crops to flourish and feed people; the Matron oversees a feared but very necessary realm of death and the threads of fate. they are seen as good and nice. and good is often mistaken for kind, and as if the gods oversee us, mortals, as actual children to be tended and minded.

good does not mean kind. the sun can desiccate, can burn us to cinders. nature can strangle with vines or can be embodied in a tsunami that wipes a city from the world. change can be capricious. knowledge can definitely be used to hurt and wound. is any of that kind? is any of it nice? when Zerxus first saw Asmodeus and Pelor, the first was 'as large as a mountain;' the latter literally has a star for a head. go outside and stare barefaced into the sun for fifteen minutes and then tell me the subsequent damage is good.

the gods do have codes of ethics, possibly delineated by their demesnes and thus restricted by them, but ethics nonetheless. but mortals simply can't grok them all. the easiest term to describe them is 'amoral' but they do have morals. they're just on a scale mortals can't appreciate.

Azzy might care about mortals insofar as what they can do for him and how he can extort them. Pelor and the rest of the Primes might as well, as far as mortals can keep them strong and fed on belief and faith (as evidenced by Pike reminding mortals of Sarenrae's light and redemption after she had been near-forgotten; the Everlight was weak and had faded). but the definitions of 'good' and 'bad' only exist in comparison to one another (this is the only salient point i will concede to Asmodeus ever; even the worst fuckhead in the world can find a nut, or however the metaphor goes), and mortals aren't built for what the gods see. which is exactly why the Raven Queen was like 'yeah i agree with y'all, no one should ever do this again ever.'

it doesn't matter of the Betrayers had a point or not. what matters, ultimately, is they're not beings i would wanna have for a sleepover in my living room, despite finding their drama very very interesting.

[tewwor-aaa]

alright, Ro, beloved Tangerine expert, remember the briefings he mentions he sends to Lemon for every job of theirs? those Lemon doesn't read lmao? yeah, headcanon question, how do you think do they actually look like. do you think he sits down at a lil desk and writes them down meticulously? and also, does that imply Tangerine and Lemon don't necessarily hang out before a job and what do you think do they get up to when they're just vibing somewhere?

oh, ho, ho. ok, first of all, you flatter me by calling me the tangerine expert like ( i'll combust in surprise and awe PLEASE ). secondly.... i'm rubbing my hands like a lil' cricket because this is such a wonderful question!

to preface this, i will say that i still haven't read the book yet but i've seen folks talk about it and there's one specific thing that stuck with me. apparently, tangerine's really into novels but that isn't shown in the film.

so in my mind.... i do think that while tangerine definitely utilizes encrypted shit for digital briefings ( more mobile or whatever ), he mainly does it by pen and paper. and, oh yeah, he definitely does all of his research with the finest toothed comb. so lots of notes ( which he's surprisingly organized with ) and plans and everything's all wrapped up with a bow before sending it to lemon..... who then never goes over all his hard work ( smh )

as for them not hanging out before a job — i think it's honestly a toss up. while they're close and like riffing on each other, they have their respective lives and their own schedule. so i think it just really depends on when / what they're doing when they get handed a job ( which, lets be honest — tangerine's probably the main point of initial contact, and if he isn' then lemon probably passes it to him real quick ).

i am a firm believer that they still watch west ham matches together. it's pretty much their family staple and they're both probably super into it. no i'm not crying thinking about that flashback again, you are.

other than that, though.. i'd like to think they do random shit together because there's no way they live far apart. even if they do then they 100% set aside time just to meet up, hang, prepare for their next job, etc.

thinking of holidays and how it's always an affair, because it's usually spent with family ( found or not / close friends ). not sure if either of them can cook, though. maybe they just do take-out every time. but lemon probably always asks if tangerine's stolen the gift(s) he's given because, y'know, can't gloss over how much of a kleptomaniac tangerine is.

[lassieposting]

Do you think Skug's offspring with Wifey would have grown up to inherit the power of Gog Magog too

So here's my thoughts on this

I've talked before I think about how I have Gog Magog's story. He hits Earth, wipes out the dinosaurs, and goes into hibernation to recover. When he wakes up, humans have evolved, and he spends a few hundred thousand years travelling the world and going among the people of different primitive cultures, either becoming part of their pantheon or masquerading as an existing god of theirs. He does this by possessing people, and when hes burned through a vessel, he transfers himself into a new one.

When he's betrayed, he's mid-transfer. Picture the opening scene from X-Men: Apocalypse, except with Aztecs instead of Egyptians. While he's helpless, because he's busy switching bodies, his attackers take out his loyal bodyguards and sic their Sensitives on him to send him back to the gods' realm. Fuck this guy, there's demanding sacrifices and then there's demanding too many sacrifices, even for the Aztecs.

What the Sensitives actually do is get hold of his soul and basically rip it to pieces. He's free-floating Voldemorting this shit. He's now many untethered entities, but there's not enough of him left in one piece to cause any trouble. But a little part of him is already inside the new host body, and the Aztecs have Opinions about what happens if the sun god is killed (the sun goes out and the world ends, which isnt ideal), so they can't just kill the host. So instead they do what Cassandra did to Val and Argeddion: put up a wall and convince him he's someone else.

They don't give him a lot to work with. He's foreign. He's trespassing. He needs to leave.

So when Abrogate fathers children, he's literally not capable of passing on Gog Magog's full power. He's a fragment of himself. His children are all stronger-than-average sorcerers, and so would Skugbab have been, purely by dint of being fathered by Skug. Some of his children also get a special extra gift that they're not really aware of - like, Skug inherits a watered down version of Abrogate's Compelling Voice, which is why you "can't help but want to fight alongside him", but. He believes he's just very charismatic. No one would ever think that that's a magic he's subconsciously using, himself included.

But none of them are or ever were capable of using Gog Magog's full power.

However.

Skug is considerably stronger and more alien than his sibs. He's immune to mind-reading and compulsion. He can't be detected by Sensitives. He can bring himself back from the dead. He can look directly at the Faceless Ones for a year and not be a gibbering wreck. And he's like this because he's possessed. The townsfolk who thought he had the Devil in him were not technically wrong. He interrupts his father doing a ritual to some obscure god-of-the-month when he's about four or five. Abrogate has opened himself up psychically, he's reaching out to The Other Side, whatever, and one of his fragments has enough sentience that it's come to investigate. It recognises that another part of itself is here, somewhere.

But it goes after the younger host. Skug gains necromancy and a terrifying imaginary friend for a while and Carver gets to witness some deeply fucked up exorcist behaviour from his baby bro, and then things eventually settle down and go back to normal. Years go by. Centuries. Skug convinces himself that he freaked himself out, as little kids tend to do in spooky situations - he didn't really see a shadow monster in that room with Father. Lord Vile forgets he was ever anything other than human. They forget they weren't always together in one head, and the lines between them get blurry. But after this, Skug is now more "complete" - ergo, more powerful - than Abrogate himself.

This is not the same as being more powerful than Gog Magog. Abrogate is a tiny fragment of that power, which makes him a very powerful sorcerer. Skug is an incredibly powerful sorcerer, but let's remember Mevolent can still fight Vile to a standstill. We're still dealing with sensible, Phase One levels of "godhood", here. Skug's power level, with Vile riding shotgun, is basically on par with someone who has access to their true name, albeit with fewer abilities.

Anyway, he can pass that strength on to his offspring. It's in his DNA.

And Vile was part of him when he had Skugbab. So Skugbab could also potentially have inherited more of Gog Magog than the rest of the family, from Vile. When he's tiny, Skug is terrified that he'll have inherited his necromancy, and the Order will try and take him away.

But. No one will ever know. He starts showing elemental abilities as a baby - he sneezes and sets the curtains on fire - and by the time he's toddling he'll come climb on Wifey's lap to show her his own little flame he made, but nobody will ever know for sure who or what he might have grown into.

(He gets a watered down version of Skug's watered-down Compelling Voice. He's a very popular, likeable little boy.)

[tenthgrove]

I'm not 100% sure if this is allowed because I know your rules say no dub-con so feel free to ignore this if it makes you uncomfortable.

How would yandere ls (separate) react to a darling who is convinced they were only taken for sexual purposes? Obviously they're wrong and the boys don't want that but the fear is really getting to them and stopping them from settling into their new life. How would the yanderes earn their trust?

Yandere La Squadra With A Darling Who Mistakes Their Intentions

La Squadra x Reader (GN), Yandere, SFWish

CW: Mentions of sexual abuse (none committed), general mentions of sexual relationships, just in general a lot of dark (if misled) implications

Formaggio- Your shy confession of your fear is a surprise to Formaggio, because as obvious as it seems, he never thought his actions may come off as sexual to you. As far as he's concerned, flirting with you constantly is simple endearment and tying you to the bed is just keeping you comfy while he's gone. Once the words slip from you though he realises immediately what an idiot he's been and it definitely shocks him into some radical change. The bindings go as does the bed-sharing. The flirting stays, but some of the more risqué jokes are dropped until you're more comfortable with them.

Illuso- Another one who doesn't really get what you're afraid of at first, though to be fair it is a bit more justified with him as Illuso gives you your own room and keeps the time spent bothering you to a scheduled moderation. Then again, his pride at having 'convinced the team to hand you over to his care' as well as his love of dressing you up all pretty for him may make for some concerning implications. Once it becomes clear that your fear of his intentions isn't merely transient he tries to bring you round through the first genuine heart to heart he's really had with you so far, as well as some gifts as a peace offering. He'll take note now if you shy away when he asks you to put something on for him.

Prosciutto- Despite his highly chivalrous treatment of you, Prosciutto expects this kind of behaviour as a possibility. He knows how he must have come off to you abducting you so soon after a rejecting love confession, and is eager to make sure you don't get the wrong idea. He very much believes in proving himself through his actions- giving you a separate room to sleep in and free reign of the upstairs, restraining himself heavily when he talks to and touches you, and generally treating you more like a fond guest than a lover despite how badly he wants to. If you tell him you're still afraid, he'll take the hint to back off for a few days, perhaps getting you some entertainment so you can resign yourself to your bedroom where he never treads.

Pesci- Being perhaps too innocent for the life he lives Pesci never considers the sexual implications of what he does to you. When you bring it up he is incredibly distraught that you would think for such a thing, and angry for himself for whatever he did that caused it. His strategy for winning your trust is to remind you heavily that he would never hurt you like that. Scratch that, he would never hurt you at all! He'll remind you of this every time you're looking scared, telling you of all the fun, non-sexual things you can do as a couple instead. He really hopes he can get you to believe him.

Melone- Knowing his general disposition could likely cause such anxieties in you, he sits you down for a long chat very early on to establish where you stand sexually. In short, you're fully invited to ask him for sex whenever you like, but there's no pressure to do anything before you want to. Of course, this may just have the opposite effect of calming you down as it puts the possibility of things getting sexual right to the forefront of your mind. Realising his mistake, Melone re-emphasises the 'no pressure' part and stops occasionally asking whether you think you might want to 'give it a go' yet. He still spends a lot of time around you though, since he sees it as the only way to prove his interests aren't merely sexual

Ghiaccio- Somewhere, swimming around the mass of nerves that came with kidnapping, was the thought that you might take his interest in you to be exploitative, but between everything else it was kind of pushed down. That all changed when you tearfully admitted during an argument what was scaring you so much. He immediately stumbles back, then flees the room. He's never felt so disgusted with himself as now. Once he's calm enough to talk about it, he sits you down and explains unreservedly that he would never ever treat you that way, and if you ever need to tell him to fuck off and stop being a creep, do it. Just as long as you feel safe.

Risotto- Rational and realistic, Risotto knows how you probably interpret the situation and the fact his imposing appearance probably doesn't help. He doesn't bring the issue up by default (though he does indirectly address it through implication with his other descriptions of what your life will be like) but if you ask or seem fearful he will tell you point blank he would never force you to do anything sexually. He's willing to back this up with some changes on the rules, e.g. sleeping on the floor while you take the bed (he still wants to be in the room with you for security reasons) and letting you lock the bathroom from the inside while you're in it.

Sorbet and Gelato- It's pretty par for the course that you'd have these fears with a pair who just kidnap you off the street, and rest assured they're both aware of it. Sorbet does address this while explaining to you what's going to happen, but one reassurance is unlikely to convince you of your safety with men like this. Gelato's teasing promise that they can keep each other satisfied is... probably not as helpful as it was intended to be and the way Sorbet looks at you without spelling out his thoughts can send your mind to the worst conclusions. Once they realise your fears are still present they are quite apologetic, and reiterate their promises not to hurt you. Ultimately though, they know the only cure is time.

[saltminerising]

CW for grooming mention, but no actual grooming.

Hello everyone! It's Saltmin. I am so sorry about all the serious drama (the RoR stuff) recently. Like most of you, I prefer the lighter stuff. However, I am sad to say that there's another drama I have to discuss.

Recently someone who I will refer to as W decided to launch a harassment campaign and accuse several people of various things. Mostly their harassment was focused on one person, who I'm declining to name because I feel sorry for their public harassment by this person thus far. Some of you may have already seen the harassment I'm talking about. I'm referring to a subspecies drama.

W from Wind has decided to accuse someone of grooming, racism, "bringing up kink in front of minors,” and block evasion. Their words sound really serious but their proof is non-existent. Perhaps this is why *they blocked people who asked for proof*—there is none. Even so, it seems like I’m one of the first to believe the people harmed in this situation instead of believing W. The amount of relief it brought the people being harassed to be believed makes me happy but also really sad. W knew exactly what buzzwords to use to ostracize these people.

---

W's proof of the person they're harassing "grooming" is gifting people in a Discord server. I don't know if W has ever played FR, but gifting is a huge part of our culture. Gifting people *can* be grooming, but unless someone was groomed, which we don't have any evidence of, you can't really say "this person is a groomer because maybe in the future someone may have been groomed." That's not how anything works. I can't say "you're a murderer because you bought a knife." Gifting is a behavior we value and encourage.

---

Their proof of racism is as follows: someone in the Discord used the term "nb" as shorthand for non-binary, which W corrected and said actually referred to "non-black.” The person they're harassing didn't reprimand the person who used "nb" as shorthand for non-binary because nb is very commonly used to mean non-binary. Regardless of what nb means, it's not racist to not immediately agree with someone after one message with no sources. Another huge reach, and honestly rather harmful because it waters down the word.

---

W's proof of block evasion is that the person they're harassing bought a grandchild of one of their dragons, sold by another person. The person they're harassing didn't know it was a generation removed from W's dragon, and even if they did, I'm not even sure that would be block evasion. Do people generally click up lineages before buying a dragon to make sure none of the grandparents are owned by users blocking them? I don't.

---

Another accusation is that the main person they're harassing "brought up kink" in a discord where minors are present. The screenshots are cropped so you can't see what they're responding to, and to me it looks like W moral crusading. The person they're harassing asks if whatever is cropped out was meant inappropriately, then says they're glad it wasn't and they were confused. Not much else to say about those screenshots because they're cropped to make the person they're harassing look bad.

---

In one of the Tumblr posts by W, they end by threatening to send their manifesto to this blog. I'm angered by the weaponization of this blog for what looks like someone mad that people didn't bend to their will. I apologize deeply to those being harassed by them. Even in W's own screenshots sent to this blog as "proof" this morning you can see that W is creating issues where there aren't any. This is why we ask for proof when accusations are levied.

---

SaltMineRising is not a place for false accusations. To W, you really need to cut it out. You're not welcome to use our platform to spread lies.

[inspiteallthedanger]

Hello! I have a random question but you seem to know so much history of the Beatles so i am hoping you will know. I was wondering, what was the nature of John and Yoko's relationship before India? I know they knew each other and i know he says they didn't have sex until later, but do you think they were they hanging out a lot? Seeing each other?

It's not random at all. Like everything, though, we can't know for sure.

We do know they'd met a few times at least. Obviously there's the oft repeated story about the ladder and the apple at Yoko's show. Then they met again at another event - this might be the time she followed John into the car with him and Cyn, or that's a third time. These were all public events where they didn't talk much, as far as we know.

We also know that Yoko was sending John letters and gifts pretty consistently because of Cyn and others' accounts. It's pretty unclear how much John was reciprocating this, though. Some accounts make it seem like he wasn't at all, but you've got to assume he was indulging or encouraging her just a little.

I think it's John's driver that says John and Yoko were in very regular contact and potentially having sex before India (I'm not positive about that but I'm pretty sure it was someone that worked for him). I mean, I can certainly see how that'd make sense. In so far as these were adults who fancied each other and it's not like John had a problem cheating on Cyn when the mood took him.

The thing that makes me doubt it is the tape they recorded that night he and Yoko said they had sex for the first time. The way they seem together is very unsure and sweetly flirty. They really don't seem like people that have been banging for months and know one another super well. They're really flirting very hard, but it's all fairly sub-textual seeming - sorting of teasing as Yoko explains her art stuff. It's all very date sounding to me. So, I'm actually inclined to believe them when they say they only had sex then.

I'm not sure that I see why they'd lie about it all to be honest. They were admitting that they were both still married at that point, so it's not like it makes them look all that much better to wait. In some ways saying that they fell in love immediately and couldn't keep their hands off each other would build the story more, not less.

My personal sense is that John was conflicted about Yoko pre India. He was certainly intrigued by her and must have found her at least a little interesting otherwise he would have told her to bugger off. We do know that John had form on keeping people around that were a bit different because he was interested in them. I think he liked her well enough, probably was at least a little attracted to her, but it certainly wasn't love at first sight. I think the story Cyn tells of John confessing his affairs show that John was by no means certain that he was in love with someone else and wanted to run away with them. He might have been considering it (and I don't doubt Yoko had suggested it was possible) but he wasn't waiting desperately to return from India so he could do it.

For whatever reason once he got back from India, he sort of fell apart and he reached out in a bunch of directions for support. Then Yoko was there to prop him up just when he needed it the most. It was perfect timing for them to form the codependent thing they had and I'm not sure it could have happened before. So, the letters she was sending while he was there probably did play a part in that, in that they helped John not feel totally alone while he was out there.

Hope that helps!

[marindram]

full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

Friends (0)

June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)

[newtonsheffield]

Hello again!!!! I'm the Spanish girl back in here!

Firstly, I'd like to send you my best wishes for this tough week of work, and I bet we're going to miss you around here this week. But duty calls! And, look, how many people can say they've got a whole week for relaxing after a week of work? 😌 (Perhaps I've misunderstood the whole thing; I've read your posts quite quick and I've understood sth different to what you wanted to say lol)

Well, what can I say with one of the last prompts you have gifted to us...? Kate, Anthony (and his Spanish!!!!!!) and Spain; you got me there. 😂 I even cried the famous "Ole!" when I read all of it (curious note: not all Spaniards use the expression "ole" in daily contexts; it is more like a regional expression that became worldwide famous bc of several reasons that are too long to post here, lol) and I think it's needless to say I loved it... isn't it?

And, I LOVED a lot Edwina's POV and story (well, I've loved everything you have posted and gifted to us, but Eddie has a special place in my heart)! I don't know, but sometimes I get the impression that, in romantic literature, relationships between sisters are not addressed at all and kinda force them to be friends (if they're not rivals... which I find stupid, tbh), not really deepening in the bond between them. Like, they're sisters and they behave more like "my next door neighbour and friend to whom sometimes I'm distant bc life happens" instead of "this person and I share much more than many people can imagine that's beyond friendship and she's more important than anybody else" -idk if this makes sense anymore... I rewrote it a couple of times bc I got the impression I can't express my idea very well 😂-. And that's something I think both of you, JQ and yourself, have achieved and gifted to all of us! We see Edwina and Kate as sisters: they fight, they tease the other, they can't stand each other sometimes, but always, ALWAYS, they care for and love the other just as sisters do. Because of this, I think TVWLM is one of my favourite books in this genre: they give us a two fantastic love stories, not only between a -heterosexual- couple but also between sisters; which is as important as any other kind of relationship.

After my TED Talk (sorry if it's been too much... 😅), I cannot help but imagine an escapade between Anthony and Kate (sans children) and Matthew and Edwina (oh, Matthew... I love you) to Spain just for Anthony, in his stupid one-side battle against Matthew (I love this, tbh; it's sooooo fun 😂), demonstrate Matthew he can speak fluently another language... Just for Matthew be oblivious to this and enjoy a little escapade to Spain with his girlfriend and her family. 😂

Anyways; I hope you're alright and, again, I wish you all the best for this week.

Besos!!! 🥰 (Spanish equivalent for the "Love!" farewell expression; it means "kisses")

Hola! You’re back again! And I’m so glad! 

I do have a week off once I finish work tomorrow (Saturday)!! Very Exciting! I have a scarf to knit, and lots of writing to do so that’s very exciting. 

Oh Anthony on a Spanish beach in tiny little flamingo shorts? Ole! indeed! That is a curious note, I literally love learning things about other cultures and languages so if anyone wants to share a curious note about their culture, hit me up! I will in turn tell you about the curious culture of The Land Down under, and our propensity to butcher the English language!

I agree, Sister relationships are a very curious thing in media. I’m not a huge fan of very contentious relationships between sisters, I’m not saying they don’t exist in real life, they definitely do, I just think having them as constant rivals is exhausting. And Yes! I Love the relationship between Edwina and Kate very much because I see it as a mirror of my relationship with my own sister. My sister drives me more insane than any other person on this planet. We fight, we bicker, I get absolutely enraged when she steals the last property I need for a set in Monopoly, and yet, She is my favourite person. She can say whatever she wants about me, but were anyone else to? It’s fight on sight. I’ll be honest, that all I’m doing is basing their relationship in these fics  on my own with my sister. Nothing special! 

Okay! Here we go! Anthony and Kate + Goose and Edwina +Spain

Kate Bridgerton was many, many things, but she liked to think an idiot, was not one of them. And so, when Anthony had said, in a tone she was sure he thought was casual. “I think we deserve a holiday, you’ve been working very hard to grow the little broad bean after all and your sister and her little gander should celebrate their engagement.” She had known exactly what he was up to. And she wasn’t really sure why she played along along with it. Perhaps something in her thrived on the chaos she knew Anthony would would create, perhaps part of her just really wanted a decent paella. Surely it didn’t matter, the result was the same: Kate fixed an innocent expression on her face and said  “Where did you have in mind?” 

 And so, surprise, surprise, here she was: back on a beach in Spain. She had to admit, eyeing Anthony appreciatively as he paddled demonstratively in the shallow water, his plan had its merits. though thus far his attempts had been... unsuccessful at best. Matthew Bagwell seemed absolutely thrilled to be in Spain, on holiday with his fiancée, giving them helpful facts he knew about the architecture as they walked through the city, a wide smile on his face, Anthony practically purple when he corrected a fact Anthony himself had said.   “Do you speak Spanish, Goose?” Anthony had said dryly in the hotel lobby shortly after they’d arrived. And Kate had rolled her eyes at Anthony, though Matthew was not paying attention. He had his arms wrapped tightly around Edwina’s waist, whispering something in her ear that made her nose crinkle in delight, the sapphire of her engagement ring glinting in the sunlight. And the beautiful picture they made gave Kate’s heart a little stutter. Anthony tutted. “Matt!” He said sharply, getting the man’s attention, Matthew’s glasses slipping down his nose as his head shot upwards in surprise.  “Do you speak Spanish?” Edwina was rolling her eyes now. And Matthew, for his part was completely unbothered  “oh, no. Sorry Mate, might have to lean on your pretty heavily this week.” He said, and Kate caught the smug smile on Anthony’s face and bit back a groan Damnit Matthew.  “I’m pretty fluent in French, German and Mandarin though!” Matthew said smiling happily, turning back towards Edwina, completely oblivious to the scowl Anthony tossing his way. “Of course you fucking are.” He muttered, fixing Kate with an irritated glare as a laugh escaped her!   

The water surely must be a little cool in early October but Anthony showed no signs of it, Beckoning Kate into the water. She groaned and made her way towards him, laughing happily as he tugged her in, his hand resting on her stomach, still no sign of her pregnancy. “Is he watching?” Anthony whispered in her ear as he wrapped his arms around her waist, spinning her through the water So she had a brief image of her sister smiling brightly at her fiancée who appeared to be... bless him building a sandcastle. 

“No. He’s not.” Kate said batting her husband’s hands away irritatedly as he scowled.  “Are you really trying to look more in love than they are?” Kate scoffed, disbelief at her husband’s idiocy rising with in her. Anthony looked indignant. “No! A man can’t take an interest in his wife now? Very poor show Mrs. Bridgerton.” He said, but his eyes, darted towards the shore at the last second.  “Oh I cannot believe you! You’re absolutely manic!” She replied as Anthony attempted to pull her back towards him, Kate putting up very little fight as she tumbled against. him, his voice hot in her ear. “Insufferable I hear.” Kate scoffed. “Ugh! If Anyone’s insufferable it’s him!” 

Kate turned to follow Anthony’s gaze to find Matthew waving at them, grinning broadly, completely unbothered. And Kate couldn’t keep from laughing as Anthony went on another muttered tirade.

Besos! 

[jiminrings]

Can I request a drabble, hobi is kinda like a band singer and Y/N is like his old time friend and they like had a falling out bc he got super successful but years after they're like together again? IS IT TOO SPECIFIC UHM :")

parallel

pairing: hoseok x y/n

wordcount: 4k

glimpse: hobi’s kind of an asshole and is vERY much emotionally repressed, y/n’s serotonin is dependent on wearing bridesmaid gowns, the dwindling one-sided pining anD the everlasting question of where the fuck was hoseok when you needed him :D // gif is from pinterest!

notes: this drabble really hits close to home and tysm for the request babe!! even if i’m a month late yeesh :O

you can’t believe yourself either when you say it

but holy shit — weddings are definitely your thing!

there’s something about the union of marriage that gets your head into overdrive but in a gOOD way

there’s just something so pulling about last-minute changes and family drama and awkward trips to the restroom that make your mind mHMMMM THIS IS IT CHIEF

yea granted that not every wedding you go and participate in isn’t exactly straight out of a rom-com

lmao sometimes it’s so obvious that the bride doesn’T love the groom but hey!!! who’s keeping tabs :D

you love wedding environments so much that here you are, two years out of uni and a couple of gigs later — couples are LITERALLY fighting over you

heh not to brag but uh

you weren’t recognized as best wedding planner for two years in a row and have your face in multiple covers of bridal magazines and such

time magazine recognized you as one of the most influential people in the scene last year but hey !!!!! no big deal lads

“i am asking you for just one minute, y/n!! stop being a wedding planner and start being my maid of honor!!”

nayeon exasperates and tugs you by your sleeve, having already noticed your second nature of taking charge the moment you entered the hall

after all, this is just cake tasting! that’s why she’s brought her maid of honor to help her out, nOT immediately go fishing for a clipboard

“well if the planner you hired wasn’t so sloppy-...” it’s a fact! he relies too much on his tablet and doesn’t even have any paper with him, and even if he’s already using a tablet, he doesn’t even use different colors to mark out!

apparently nayeon can’t handle the truth because she’s stamping her hand to your mouth that’s already a frown, about to suffocate you if only you didn’t bite it

>:|

y/n - 1 | jisoo’s hand - 0

you’re just a lil bit cranky alright

the last wedding you’ve catered to was just three days ago, and well you’re thankful for your job!!! really!!! bc not everyone is as booked as you nor sought-for

but there’s something about her wedding that puts you off :((

she’s very kindly yet firmly told you that no, you would absolutely not be her wedding planner and coordinator

“b-but i-“

“i want you to relax! and it’s-...”

“we said-“

“we said when we were kids that we’d plan each other’s wedding, but we didn’t swear on it! and i want you to-...”

“y-you told-“

“i told you that we didn’t have a wedding planner yet so you’d intentionally clear your schedule for me! and here we are-...”

“i’ll cry-“

“aww you big baby, save it for the wedding! i told you, just relax, m’kay? let yoongi handle the planning, and you do the unwinding.”

goddamn yoongi

yoongi who’s a wedding planner in his sPARE time could fuck right off

you don’t care if he’s very persuasive and firm and happened to book nayeon’s wedding even it was peak season :((

you don’t wanna admit it, but being a wedding planner has basically been your personality trait for the past years and it’s hard to cope when your job is to not.... plan and worry

anyways besides that

you’re a little iffy because nayeon’s wedding is your wake-up call

you’ve been planning weddings.... but uh when the FUCK is yours

u are so tempted to put a sock over your head and just yell gIVE ME A RING!!! PUT IT IN THE BAG

unfortunately, you don’t even have someone in your life to readily propose to you

you would have had someone, actually —

if only hoseok didn’t wake up one day and decide to remove you from his life

if only your childhood friend didn’t suddenly decide that you’re not worthy of his attention and time!!!

god he thinks he’s a bigshot

and well yea ok he IS a bigshot

who doesn’t know jung hoseok at this point :((

you’ve always figured that he’d be successful at whatever path he chooses and for a moment, you feel sorry for him that he’s stuck in such a state of mundaneness

he’s stuck between home and school and since he has no choice — you

your each other’s day one!!! the moment your mom went home from the hospital, her first instinct was to knock on hoseok’s mom’s door and then iMMEDIATELY present you to her

the two of them are absolute best friends and why not make our babies the same way ya know????

the two of you were apparently so close as babies that when one was crying, the other would comfort

and you weren’t even a year old then????

you’ve shared cribs and milk bottles and clothes and everything in between with hobi

so why is it that when you’re just almost at the peak of your life with graduation, he just suddenly decides to drop you?

he’s suddenly too cool for you as if he hasn’t spent countless nights crying on your shoulder for any inconveniece that gets brought up

he can’t even meet your eyes :(((

that’s why graduation is the blandest and emptiest day you could recall

hoseok is over there with his bandmates looking the absolute hAPPIEST and you’re there by the corner.,.,. alone by yourself feeling like your cap has the words dropped by jung hoseok :D all over it

he’s at his peak and at the top of his life performing and touring, whenever and wherever

he’s happy

but without you in it :(

the irrational (and probably rational) part in your head is beyond infuriated at him because atleast offer an explanation!!! if you did wrong at one point, then he should tell you!!!

not suddenly pretend that you were nEVER in his life

even his mom feels guilty and ashamed over his son’s actions so she orders flowers from the shop signed underneath your company, then send it back to you

for awhile she tried to pretend that it was hoseok but no :((( that man will physically convulse if he doesn’t add (atleast) three hearts after his name

you hate him so much that you still religiously visit his instagram and wonder if he could see your likes despite a couple other million liking the same posts

you hate him so much that he’s number one on every single thing in your spotify wrapped 

you hate him sO much that you wonder who’s behind the songs his band plays and how you’d wish that you’d be the one he’s writing about

“is the cake that... perfect?”

nayeon gently places a hand on your shoulder to which you flinch and she backs off because christ i’m nOT taking the cake away from you!!!

oh my god why are you tearing up

“yeah, yeah! it’s so good. you should try it nayeon!” you’re scrambling to scrape up your plate, almost shoving the fork into her mouth as she squeals with the sudden attack

yoongi has ???? hovering around his head but this is nOT about you my man

he sneaks a look to the bride’s plate and uh-huh... yup..... she has the same moist chocolate fudge cake with coffee ganache on her alright

the topic of hoseok that you bring up to yourself, one that no one knows (not even nayeon!!!), is just something that never seems to vacate your mind fully

it’s been two years and you’re still so touchy and you dON’T KNOW WHY

he probably doesn’t even think about you when he’s drunk and bored

“this champagne must be so... nice?”

nayeon thinks out loud as you’re once again crying into doing your maid of honor duties

she’s a lil worried if she’s being honest but you always whisk her away when she’s about to ask

like right now :D

“are you-...”

“i just can’t believe you’re getting married!! wow, you’re so cool. with the love of your life. then the two of you could be cool together after the wedding. you aren’t gonna forget me once you’re married, are you? nayeon do you think that i would ever be married-...”

you should just accept it now :((

you’re a little bit of a mess and a half underneath your pantsuits and walkie-talkies and the special pride you’d carry whenever the couple mentions you in their wedding speeches

absolutely WHY in the hell do you think about hoseok when it comes to weddings???

it’s almost a pavlovian response when you instruct the people to open the doors and the bride to start walking and your mind would iNSTANTLY think about him

it’s sometimes awkward when the couple would ask ah !!!! ms. y/n u are such a world-renowned wedding planner !!!! your own wedding must’ve been magnificent :D

aha actually about dat.,.,

you get tons of gifts of gratitude from just a single client alone and you don’t have hoseok and his stupidly powerful arms to help carry boxes back to your car

you don’t have him to give untouched and left-over flowers to

you don’t have him to remind you when you’re getting a little ahead of yourself over just talking to sponsors and trying to squeeze in as much as you could for an initial budge

you don’t have hoseok, in all his glory, to put his hand on the small of your back when you’re talking to how you need the fireworks to start the moment the band starts playing ice ice baby and the vendor does nOT need to know why it’s the song chosen by the couple

it’s what he’d do when you’re trying to fit two semesters’ worth of notes into a pricey A3 notebook that you’ve bought 

and just how many weddings do you plan and coordinate, even within just a span of two week?

:)

a lot.

often.

you think about hoseok a lot. often. oftenly a lot.

but aha nOT TODAY!!!

today’s nayeon’s wedding and you’re not gonna ruin it for her by projecting your yearning into your best friend’s wedding that clearly isn’t yours

10/10 she’d probably stop reciting her vows to ask you why you’re sniffling

your only source of distraction is your gown!!!

your maid of honor is the absolute pRETTIEST and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel gorgeous in it

it’s floor-length silk!!! fLOOR-LENGTH !! SILK !! GOWN

it’s in a deep mauve with an off-shoulder situation and a little risqué bit of cleavage!!! cinches right at the top of your waist and poofs a little and oh my god mayhaps you aRE pretty

god hoseok may have not written you a song, but sean kingston dEFINITELY did

nayeon knew you’d be catching everyone’s attention as much as her wedding dress would and she’s absolutely happy and fine with it!! 

in fact she’s strategically practiced her throws for her bouquet so you’d catch it and your gown would nOt go to waste

having a wedding happen right where you are, but being in it as a guest instead of a planner, is just so much... calmer

you’re not fixing the chaos but you’re just watching it!!! if you feel a little more bubbly then you’re gonna partake in it hee-hee

yoongi’s actually not so bad

he could just be a little too lax which ends up with him being lost and distraught 

you could see so much of you in him when you were just starting out and it’s endearing actually

(( nayeon’s told you in passing that she once told yoongi that you were her best friend and he looked both intimidated and awed at the same time ))

the only thing you help yoongi with is sending him a thumbs-up every now and then and he perks uP because that’s the signal that he’s doing a good job and not fucking up

nayeon looks so beautiful and you’re already tearing up fixing her veil :((

you know how wedding photographers and videographers LOVE people crying???? they r probably eating your shit up so quick that you won’t be surprised if you take up atleast half of the same-day edit of their wedding film

there’s something so serene about the hecticness everyone’s indulged themselves in

you’re grinning when you walk down the aisle because you realize that omg you haven’t doNE this in a long time!!! 

the last time you did was testing out the aisle for a client that wanted it ala crazy rich asians and you had to walk back and forth cOLD-ASS water with damp rolled-up pant cuffs before they got the temperature and the levels right

nah you should definitely know how it’d be because after all :D you aRE the consultant for that scene in crazy rich asians :D no biggie :D

it’s such a serene blast to see everyone happy and in their element

you’re sitting the reception out bc yoongi very kindly pleaded to please give him notes and promising that he’d never tell it to anyone else

the whole planning process for nayeon and not oNCE did he bring a notebook..,., but he just hAPPENS to have one when you’re telling him how to say no to your client

“listen, you have to tell them in the sincerest way possible, that you tried everything. it gets them going when you tell them that you even pleaded with the vendors, but don’t go too low on your knees, alright? and then after that, you say a strict no. no, because their choice of flowers is absolutely sHIT for their tie-dye theme they’re so adamant about!”

yoongi has never listened so intently

not even when his roommate lists out their grocery checklist

“mhmm. and if they still push, should i give them an ultimatum? or tell them about a wedding that totally happened that did exactly what they were planning, and how much the guests hated it?”

okay nOW he’s talking

“what you do is...”

the buzz of the reception never really dies down because it’s barely even starting!! the couple’s still finishing up on their pictorial which gives everyone time to get to the venue and freshen up or get last-minute gifts lmao

you know that it’s starting when the band or the dj starts doing polished mic checks

mic check! one, two, three! sKRRRRRRRRRRRRRRA

no, no 

there’s something definitely wrong

the rolling and the lull of routine words just seem so familiar

mic check! J-A-Y! H-O-P-E! J-HOPE! jung-...

oh

my

fucking

gOD

that’s hoseok.

that is most dEFINITELY hoseok

you turn your back to see the stage set-up and god...... fuck

it’s someone you haven’t seen in the flesh for two years yet spent the years of your life with before that 

he looks sickening in his black mandarin-collared suit with thick white lining on it wITH his hair styled up and parted to the site

it’s even more sickening for you because you don’t actually know if you can mANAGE to be here

you’re standing up abruptly and yoongi squawks at that because he is the furthesT thing from being finished about asking how to make the guests arrive on time without holding a field trip assembly-like type of line with the megaphone

the fastest way out was dashing through the front part and you must have forgotten that hoseok has a knack for catching things with his perfectly good eyesight

“y/n?” 

ok what now

he mumbles your name to the mic, his eyebrows furrowing as his eyes trail the speed-walking speck of mauve from in front of him 

his little question to himself must have gotten people more than curious

they’re already mORE than curious because it’s his goddamn band that’s playing!!!! and the fees are not cheap and it’s practically impossible to book them!!!

but jungkook, their drummer, was a close friend of the groom’s and alright.,.,. okay maybe we CAN play at weddings now

ok hoseok’s mind is probably just playing tricks on him and he should finish setting up before the lights dim again for what they insist is the 𝓼𝓱𝓸𝓬𝓴 𝓯𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓸𝓻

but then he can’t help but look oNE last time

then he sees the watch he’s gifted you on his wrist — one that he was supposed to give you at graduation but later made his mom give it to you instead and not say that it was from him

...

....

whew he might need his inhaler for this one and he doesn’t even hAVE asthma

oh my god what the hELL is hoseok doing here????

you haven’t seen him for two years, and the moment you do, it’s in your best friend’s wedding with no date present??

you’re clearly panicking and the only form of caffeine you’ve gotten is the pre-game of getting a few bites from the coffee ganache in nayeon’s wedding cake that she was munching on while getting her makeup done

you know what!! it’s fine

it’s totally fine :D

hoseok is just hoseok and you’re not gonna be intimated by the man you’ve been loving in the sidelines from practically your whole life :D

it’s not a big deal!

besides, people are looking for you bc you’re supposed to give the opening toast to welcome nayeon and her groom in

you’re walking, you’re talking, aaaaaaaand-

yeah this is not nOT a big deal

you’re crumbling from the inside out because seeing hoseok is just too painful after two years of wondering where you could’ve went wrong and what could’ve happened if the two of you didn’t fall out

you feel especially bitter when hoseok starts singing their famous song about love and everything in between

everyone’s sWOONING and on their feet and you’re literally just there vibrating with how furious you are

you keep downing the good champagne as iF it’s gonna get you drunk

yoongi has a clue that the server must be a little dizzy having to go and back forth to your table so he just offers his portion to you

you’re so goddamn busy and absorbed with loathing him that you don’t even turn your back to notice that his eyes keep flickering to you

even at the cheesiest lyric, hobi expects that you’d atleast LOOK at him for that one but nOOOO your champagne flute and the blondie beside you is just much more interesting

you’re buzzing with anger that you aren’t enjoying this reception At All

you fail to even recognize that nayeon’s intentionally had your favorite food to be served!!! and you have an extra portion delivered to your table!!!

you just want your suffering to eND wow absolutely how much longer could this go

you’re so busy with cussing the whole ordeal in your head that you didn’t even notice how the band isn’t playing anymore and instead everyone’s swooning over the cake

it’s lost in you that hoseok’s shooed yoongi from his chair, sitting right beside you and even scooting closer until his knees bump to your own

and that’s when it sinks in

hobi doesn’t even have time to tell you how beautiful you look because you’ve gone straight to seething him

“for the record, i want you to know that i hate you.”

...

:O

okay hoseok didn’t expect that

for all he knows, the two of you even vOWED to never say the h word even if it’s meant jokingly!!

it’s a lethal word and the two of you collectively agreed to never play with it in regards to saying to one another

but well here you are

you’re saying it as if you’ve never been more sure of anything in your whole life

you feel actually relieved to say it to him right to his face, a miniscule weight lifted from your shoulders while your arms are crossed just by looking at him

hoseok does you one better with a timid chuckle, looking down on his rings that he’s fiddling with nervously

“yeah. i hate me too.”

.... oh

you’re perplexed at his reply so much so that you’re speechless

you’ve been keeping to yourself what you should say to him the moment you see him for two years and now that he agrees to what you’ve just said.,.,.,

oh fuck that

“i hate you so much, hoseok! i don’t even know what i did wrong and i asked even your own mother what’s wrong with me! did you know that you are, without a doubt, so fucking selfish???”

you exclaim as quietly as you could but that doesn’t stop people from glancing because the two most-known people in the room, besides the bride and groom, are having what seems to be an... intimate conversation with how close the two of you are??

“did you even try once to consider how painful it was for me to wonder why i just am the way that i am? or is that even too big of an inconveniece for you to think about because you’re so busy?”

“did you suddenly get too big for me, huh?” you ask straightly without malice, not even thinking about the double meaning because clearly, you’re too PRESSED lightly jabbing your finger to his chest

right he deserves that

hoseok’s fucked up big-time, that much he knows

his eyes are actually stinging right now and he would ask you for your handkerchief that you used to always carry for him but uH he thinks he doesn’t deserve any of that

“why couldn’t you just tell me what was in your mind? you know that nothing would change whatever it was that-”

“i love you, okay?”

hoseok interrupts you with his mumble before he sets his eyes down once again on your watch

you’re speechless for long this time

“..... w-what?”

okay maybe he fucked up even more

“listen i-...”

“if you love me, a single text wouldn’t have hurt, hobi!!”

your chest doesn’t hurt anymore but it iS constricting with the amount of emotions and scenarios you’re trying to process

he’s kinda lost because oh my god you aren’t mAD anymore!!

and you don’t look fazed that he just declared his love for you

“i dropped you because i-i — i don’t want the people i love seeing me fuck up, y’know? i finished uni for the sake of it, and i didn’t even know if the band thing would work out!!”

“but baby it dID work out!!!!”

jesus christ hoseok may be a fucking iDIOT

you’re shaking him by the shoulders and he actually has to stand up so he wouldn’t fall by your ministrations

you feel so happy because your processing was just about to be finished, equal parts relieved and happy and maybe a tiny bit confused still

“it did work out because look at you now!! hobi, you could’ve just called me and i would’ve accepted the call before it even rings!!” you’re happily frustrated with him that you push him until the two of you are in the dance floor, his mouth curving up both in disbelief and giddiness

“i didn’t because i thought-...”

he’s interrupted by a swift and tight hug to his middle, his arms moving on their own to envelope you in his warmth

the top of your head still smells the same :D

his purpose is lost before he gathers his bearings once again, freezing in his stance before weakly attempting to push you off

“... you were married.”

the harsh sQUINT of your eyes you’re giving him prompt him to explain

why is he so nervous

“i-i go to your instagram? and well you uh, you posted this pic of you in the middle of the aisle???? you had your back turned and your silhouette’s seen then you were holding a bouquet!!! then after that, i-i never opened your account. jesus christ, is your husband here with you, y/n? what am i supposed to-...”

the realization’s starting to sink into hoseok because it’s something he’s shoved to the back of his head and now he’s seeing it straight-on

you’re throwing your head back laughing at him :D

great

now he’s both heartbroken AND a fool

there’s a gentle kiss on his cheek, one he didn’t expect and one he doesn’t hate

“i’m a wedding planner.”

god now this is just so fucking funny

the two of you fell out and remained distanced because of just a series of unprecedented miscommunications!!! 

the whole thing is so ridiculous that it actually feels light and relieving to talk about

“you’re.... a wedding planner,” he mumbles once again for confirmation, his loose arms around your waist now tightening

oh my god

hoseok starts chuckling to himself out of delight, turning to full-on cackles with you at how much the two of you have just been beside each other like parallel lines

“i need to make up the past two years to you.”

he declares seriously as a promise, pressing a tender wet kiss to your cheek that gets you giggling

“only if you write me a song,” you do him one better, kissing him on the corner of his mouth 

“don’t you know that most of them are about you? anyways, you should plan our wedding once it happens,” he’s forward with his words, having waited long enough that he nuzzles his nose to yours

:D

you’re gonna do him one even better

you’re gonna go right for the kill, the truth spilling out of you before you kiss him longingly, for the first time that it feels that it’s been something you’ve always yearned for

“don’t you know that you’re in my mind for every single one?”