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justgottafinishthischapter · 2 years

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Writing Worlds: Homosexuality in Historical Settings

As someone who loves period romances and craves romantic relationships between queer men, it’s very alluring to write queer romances set against the backdrop of historical settings and time periods. But, due to the treatment of homosexuality for a lot of our world’s history, it can make it tricky to know the best way to handle this topic. Consider this to be a sister post to go along with my Writing Romance: Courting post. The two go hand-in-hand.

ESCAPISM VS REALISM

The first hurdle is to decide whether your story is an escapist fantasy or favors realism. In an escapist historical queer romance, the queerness is simply not an issue. The prince can flat out tell his parents to arrange his marriage to male suitors, and the only real reaction is his mother immediately listing off good matches for him. The conflict has nothing to do with the fact that the relationship is between two same-sex characters, and would work just as well for a heterosexual romance story. With an escapist fantasy, you can show the Count of Yorkshire navigating the hardships of courting by having multiple young men vying for his hand, or the whirlwind romance as he catches the eye of the Duke of Orleans. And this romance can be just as open and public as any straight relationship. This option would fall under Historical Romanticism, the term used for when historical settings are made to be more idyllic and favorable than they likely were in real life. The only media where this approach tends to show up often is Fantasy, in worlds where homophobia simply never really existed. The Elder Scrolls is one such setting where male gods are married to one another, other gods change genders and pronouns as they like, and your player character is free to romance anyone of any gender as well as adopt without anyone making biggotted remarks.

On the other hand, Realism in a Historical Queer Romance is going to come prepackaged with a lot of tension and angst, as it’s automatically a forbidden romance. Because homophobia is a real issue that real queer people deal with, having queer characters deal with these issues can help your queer audience feel seen as these fictional characters can relate to their own life experiences. It’s also just more historically accurate to have queer lovers needing to tiptoe around behind people’s backs and hoping they don’t get caught. However, due to this prejudice, it’s also very easy for such settings and stories to come off as depressing, and can perpetuate unpleasant tropes in queer media, such as Bury Your Gays, Unhappily Ever After, and downer Nomance endings. Because their relationship isn’t “appropriate” for public eyes, it makes it hard for the couple to have a truly happy ending. For someone who’s tired of dealing with homophobia in their own life, or it just being present in almost all queer media, it can be tedious for those who want an escape to enjoy two guys smooching while looking dapper in period costumes.

Homosexuality and Religion

As a medieval historian, I actually did a full research paper on homosexuality in the middle ages as a part of my final for one of my medieval history classes. I still have the paper saved, so let me share an abridged version. Pagan cultures might have had some issues with homosexuality, such as the Norse favoring the “tops” over the “bottoms”, a sentiment shared by both the Greeks and Romans. However compared to later eras of history, these Pre-Christian cultures had little problems with same-sex relationships. Every Greek God but Ares, Hephaestus, and Hades had at least 1 male lover, Emperor Hadrian had his boy-toy Antinous deified after he drowned in the Nile, and the Sacred Band of Thebes was made up entirely of same-sex lovers. The idea that homosexuality was wrong only emerged with Christianity. Just... not as soon as you’d think. Christianity became a wide-spread faith across Europe around about 300 AD, mostly spread by Constantine’s deathbed conversion to Christianity. However, it would not be until the 12th century that homosexuality as a sin would emerge. This shift first started during what is known as the Medieval Renaissance when Christian theologians like St. Ambrose, St. Augustine, and St. Jerome altered the theological discourse on sin and virtue. Prior to the Medieval Renaissance, the mindset was that simply being Christian and accepting Christ as one’s savior was all it took to get into Heaven. After the Medieval Renaissance, the focus shifted to individual sin and the worthiness of the individual soul. They came to view Earth as sort of a testing grounds or waiting room, and any temporary Earthly pleasure was a wicked temptation sent by Satan to lead men astray. How you did on the test impacted whether you passed or failed. One thing that was declared a sin was fornication without the prospect of procreation. And this went for everyone. Any sexual act that would not result in childbirth was a sin, because you were doing it for the pleasure, not for the purposes of making a baby. Furthermore, any position except Missionary was also sinful, again in an attempt to limit pleasure. Since cis-gendered homosexuals cannot procreate, any homosexual acts were universally labeled as a sin by happenstance. Later in 1179, Peter Comestor proposed to the Third Lateran Council a link between the biblical condemnation of sodomy with explicitly condemning homosexuals, and not just anal fornication as a whole, even stating that clerks found guilty of this act should be removed from office, and laymen should be excommunicated from the church. It is Peter Comestor and his stance on homosexuality that truly caused homosexuality to be labeled as a sin on principal, and is why so many modern Christians still believe homosexual relationships are sinful by nature. However, it’s worth pointing out that the time from when Christianity was a widespread faith in Europe (approx. 300 AD) to the Third Lateran Council (1179) is a span of 879 years. As of this point in 2023, the time between Comestor’s condemnation of homosexuality and the present is only 844 years. Meaning that Christianity has a longer history of tolerating homosexuality than it has condemning it. I say all of this because in any setting where Christianity is not a part of the worldbuilding, there is no reason to have homophobia, unless you replace Christianity with a similarly homophobic fictional religion, as George RR Martin does with the Faith of the Seven in A Song of Ice and Fire. As for Judaism and Islam, I’m at a loss there. My studies didn’t really lead me to those topics, and I can’t offer much insight there.

Handwaving Escapist Diversity

Let’s be real, we can’t even cast People of Color in fantasy stories without racists crapping their pants, so unfortunately, we’re going to face similar problems having queer couples openly courting each other in a historical setting. But, there are a few ways around this where we can have our cake and eat it too without the homophobes being able to hide behind “historic accuracy” as a reason to have a problem with queer romances in historical periods. It’s all about the genre. Let’s look at some of the genres we can use.

Historical Fiction: This is the base form. Any period piece is going to be historical fiction. However, Historical Fiction comes in a wide array. Historical Romanticism is the lighter approach, simply putting make-up on the era to make it more palatable and appealing. Think of Bridgerton where the dresses are shaped historically and the characters behave historically, but the Queen is a woman of color, and the dress materials are far more colorful and bright than they would have been at the time. It’s still the Regency era, just with a bit of rouge. On the other hand, there’s Alternate History. Historical settings where a major deviation has occurred in the timeline. Whether the Roman Empire never fell, the British crushed the American Revolution and took over the entire world, Christianity never caught on and the Roman Pantheon is the most widespread belief system, or the industrial revolution exploded even harder, resulting in a more Steampunk vibe. A major upheaval has altered the face of history, and your queer romance is set in an utterly changed world with a different timeline.

Steampunk: As I just touched on, your world can be more technologically advanced, however, Steampunk can also be a genre for completely fictional worlds, giving you a great way to have a story set in an era with an 1880s - 1910s aesthetic, but easily exist as it own world with its own history and values where homosexual relationships aren’t a problem. Steampunk is also the most optimistic and aesthetically oriented of the science-fiction -Punk genres, compared to the much bleaker and more cynical outlooks of Cyberpunk, Diesel Punk, and Gothic Punk.

Gaslamp Fantasy: Basically, Steampunk but with fantastical elements. It keeps that late Victorian - Edwardian aesthetic, but adds magic, faeries, dragons, vampires, etc. Now, Steampunk leans more Sci-fi, while Gaslamp Fantasy is more well.... Fantasy, so Gaslamp Fantasy does tend to lose some of the technological aspects of Steampunk, but it can also overlap with Magitech, a subgenre where machinery is powered and propelled by magical energy. So, you can very well have a Steampunk Gaslamp Fantasy where all of the steam and gears and machinery is powered by magic. It’ still Steampunk, so long as that train is powered by shoveling magic energy crystals into the furnace, instead of coal. Howl’s Moving Castle is a good example of how the two can coexist. There are normal trains as we see in Sophie’s town, but we also see Howl’s castle which can move because of Calcipher, a fire demon that needs to constantly eat a fuel source of one kind or another. The world is full of witches, magic, and curses, but there’s also muskets, trains, airplanes, zeppelins, and a castle that spews steam and smoke as it wanders the countryside.

Paranormal Romance: Especially common with Vampires, but the fallout of Twilight and Alpha/Beta/Omegas in pop culture has also led to a rising interest in Werewolf stories, and a recent trend has also swept Faeries into the pop culture spotlight as well. All three offer stories where one or both of your characters is an immortal (or very long-lived) individual. Perhaps their world is homophobic now, but when they met and fell in love, it was perfectly acceptable. Perhaps being alive for 800 years piqued the main character’s curiosity and they decided to give it a try. The long history of homosexuals being demonized has led to a large percentage of queer people identifying with the monsters and villains of media, causing them to see themselves in the hated monsters, demons, and vampires that threaten the heterosexual heroes of old.

Historical Fantasy: For everything else that’s not within that Victorian-Edwardian window, Historical Fantasy has you covered. From Cyclopes and Sirens in Ancient Greece to Dragons and Goblins in Medieval France, or a mermaid ending up in an Americana freak show, this pretty much covers ever kind of fantasy romance in a historical setting that’s not covered by Paranormal Romance or Gaslamp Fantasy.

Renaissance Punk: It’s like Steampunk, but the world’s technology resembles the contraptions of Leonardo Da Vinci, as opposed to the clockwork, gears, and steam aesthetic plastered onto the turn of the 20th century that Steampunk offers. Also called Da Vinci Punk.

Space Punk: If you’re wanting to lean more Sci-fi, you can do Space Punk. Think Treasure Planet, though I could also call that Sail Punk. It has a very Victorian clothing and technological aesthetic, but then space is full of a breathable Ethereum, and even Doctor Doppler’s “space suit” looks closer to an old-timey diver’s suit. But the ship has solar sails, the mast charges up with a power source that propels the ship into space, lockets project holograms of still photographs, cybernetic prosthetics are technologically advanced, and aliens are a common sight, even for the poorest commoner.

Same-Sex Courting for Escapist Romance

I touched on this in my Writing Romance: Courting post, but I’ll cover it again because it’s especially applicable here. The rules of courting in the 1800s relied heavily on gender roles. So, how does one make sense of courting rules when the couple are the same sex? The basic rule of thumb is that whoever is higher in status is the one to be chased, while the one of lower class does the chasing. If a Duke is looking for a husband, does the Duke chase Viscounts or do Viscounts chase the Duke? Always, the Viscounts chase the Duke. A Duke is a valuable husband, a prize catch those Viscounts would want to have. What if the romance is between two men of equal class? Two Dukes falling in love? The one who would take the more passive role is likely to be whichever is higher in the line of succession. During the courting phase, an elligible queer bachelor is likely to recieve many gentlemen callers. They would come to the bachelor’s house where his family could keep an eye on him, and judge his prospects. They would bring gifts and trinkets, and sit in the tea room, sewing room, drawing room, or whatever room is used to entertain guests. Gentlemen callers would then talk with the bachelor, recite poetry, play the piano, or whatever else they could to impress the bachelor and his family. Again, as I said before, the one being visited by gentlemen callers is whoever is higher up in the chain of nobility. The Duke’s family is going to scrutinize every gentleman who calls on their son, while the Baron’s family is going to urge him to call on every queer man who outranks him. The other thing to keep in mind is inheritance. The first-born son inherits everything, so a second-born son or third-born son will get nothing from his father, or best case scenario, he will get a small fraction of the family fortune from his father or older brother. In order for these younger sons to stay in the lifestyle they were raised in, they will have to marry someone who is coming into his fortune. In a setting where women can inherit her father’s entire estate, a lesbian would function the exact same as a gay man. Ergo, any queer romantic lead who is not inheriting his father’s full estate must seek a first-born son who will inherit his father’s estate. Meanwhile, if your protagonist is a first-born son, he is far more likely to be chased by the younger sons of distinguished families. Finally, when it comes to the social season and courting at dances, queer nobles would likely wear something to distinguish themselves from the heterosexual nobles at the party. Something to let the other guests know their preference in dance partner. That way, gentlemen know not to ask the Baroness of Agincourt to dance, but that the Duke of Orleans is all too eager to receive male attention.

Lavender Marriages in Realist Romances

A lavender marriage is when a queer person marries someone of the opposite sex to disguise their homosexual dalliances, such as Renly Baratheon marrying Margaery Tyrell, or Laenor Valyrian marrying Rhaenyra Targaryen. In these instances, the woman knew her husband was queer and was willing to work with him to keep the secret. However, sometimes the wife wouldn’t know, and the husband was keeping his sexuality a secret from everybody. However, it was usually hard for a noble to keep his dalliances completely hidden from the court, as in both of these cases, both Renly and Laenor were well-known around court to be fanciful of male attention. Everyone typically knows the wedding is a sham, but tend to turn a blind eye to it regardless. I know I’ve been using male examples this whole post, but this does also work with lesbian romances. I believe the term is still lavender marriage with a lesbian, but I could be mistaken.

Actual Homosexuality in Historical Time Periods

Scholars debate the exact nature of their relationship, but in Arthurian Myth, King Galehaut is conquering his way across Arthur’s Kingdom when he challenges Arthur to a duel for the throne of Camelot. However, upon seeing Sir Lancelot, Galehaut offers to concede to Arthur if he’ll introduce him to Lancelot. From then on, Galehaut and Lancelot became Very Close Special Guy Friends, and it’s suspected that the pair might be lovers, or at least that Galehaut is in love with Lancelot.

Leonardo Da Vinci was involved with one of his male models, Pietri Bandielli, who Da Vinci used as a model for Jesus. Which also means, If you pray to the white version of Jesus with the little beard and long brown hair, congratulations! You’re worshiping a gay Italian male model that used to have sex with Leonardo Da Vinci.

Hans Christian Andersen fell in love with the son of his financier, Edvard Collins. But, when Collins became engaged and later married to Henriette Tybjerg, a heartbroken Andersen wrote the story of The Little Mermaid as an allegory for his unrequited love. Collins was the handsome prince who didn’t return the mermaid’s feelings, Henriette was the Temple Girl who stole the mermaid’s love, and Andersen himself was the mermaid, unable to verbalize her true feelings, and suffering great pain just to be near the one she loves.

It’s mostly speculation, but it’s believed that Richard I of England had a clandestine homosexual relationship with Phillip II of France. The majority of evidence comes from one particular courtier’s writings who described them as eating from the same dish and not being separated by their beds at night. However, it’s hard to say if this is evidence of a homosexual relationship, or just the flowery prose writing of the time describing a very close bromance.

Edward II of England had little interest in war. Hoping to toughen up his son, Edward’s father assigned a squire to Edward that excelled in tournaments, Piers Gaveston. However, this backfired spectacularly, as Edward fell in love with Piers. Gaveston flaunted his sway over the king, being so bold as to wear royal purple and the queen’s jewelry during Edward’s coronation. Gaveston was hunted down and beheaded by a group of barons, and Edward himself was killed with a red-hot poker shoved up his backside.

King James I of England was a well-known bisexual, even having a secret passageway linking his bedchambers with that of George Villiers. James’ male lovers experienced royal favoritism and protection, as James absolved one male lover for poisoning a political rival, and twice protecting Villiers from impeachment for incompetency. Following James’ death, Villiers was struck through by a sword.

Anne Lister was a noblewoman who often dressed in masculine clothing and kept a coded diary which recounted her many and varied lesbian affairs over her lifetime. Lister even earned the nickname Gentleman Jack, and is often regarded as the First Modern Lesbian.

Pirate ships were one of the few places where gay marriage was legitimate. Pirate captains could perform marriage ceremonies, and marriages between male crewmates was not uncommon, even having rules about sharing property and distrubution of goods among crew members with a married couple on-board. As well as the distribution of property following the death of a same-sex spouse.

While we know that brothels and prostitution has existed since Ancient Greece, in the 1700s, it was possible to find a Molly House. A house which featured male prostitutes who catered to male clients.

Women were not believed to have sex drives, so when two women loved each other, they were often called “bosom buddies”, and two women living together without a man in the house was called a Boston Marriage.

In the medieval era, it was believed that a woman’s womb was naturally cold and had to be kept warm with regular activity. If the woman was unmarried, the womb was to be kept warm by hand. But since using her own hands would be sinful, it often fell to the woman’s female servants to do the deed.

Men and women often existed in entirely disconnected social spheres. For a man, he would go to work where he would only work with men, after work he would go to a local bar or club that was exclusively for gentlemen, and following dinner, he would often retire to a private room in his home or another man’s home to sit, smoke, and talk with his male colleagues. Even within a single house, men would retire to the gentlemen’s lounge to smoke, while women would depart to the sewing room, tea room, or drawing room to have afternoon tea with the other ladies. As men would spend their entire days solely in the company of men, and the same for women, many men and women only spent time together in public spaces, during meals, and when going to bed. Even then, it was not uncommon to see households where the man and woman had separate bedchambers, and the woman would only sleep in the man’s bedroom when he desired sexual congress. Even the Palace of Versailles had separate chambers for the king and queen. This gave queer couples plenty of time to sneak around without anyone being the wiser.

This to Keep in Mind

One of the biggest issues behind the AIDS epidemic was the promiscuous nature of gay lovers in the 1970s. Because gay men had to be discreet, they would often have anonymous relations in public spaces like bathhouses and bars. This combination of unsafe sex practices and anonymous lovers caused STDs to run rampant through the community, and allowed the AIDS epidemic to have a devastating impact on the queer community.

In Victorian great houses, the footmen were effectively the “face” of the manor’s servants, so height and attractiveness was favored when hiring them. As such, footmen make for excellent romantic interests in a historical time period, since they’re required to be attractive to be hired.

The mafia has a long history of working with and supporting the LGBT community. In the 1920s, nightclubs in the black districts of Harlem would host drag balls, these events being known as Harlem Nights. The mafia helped these groups to meet without police interference for a kickback fee. Even the Stonewall Inn had Mafia protection. In a world where homosexuality is still seen as a sin, think about what groups are willing to turn a blind eye in the interest of profit.

Homosexuals were among those rounded up the Nazi Party during the Holocaust. Just as Jews were forced to wear the Star of David on their clothes, so too were homosexuals marked with a pink triangle. The Nazi Party also destroyed research on gender and sexuality, which destroyed a lot of evidence that had been gathered of queer existence up to that point in time. Today, the Pink Triangle is among the reclaimed symbols used by the queer community.

Queer people found ways to signal to one another. At different points in time, the visual cues have included wearing green ties, having a red carnation in their lapels, and in the 1970s, a bandana in the back pocket was a common way of indicating someone was a homosexual, and the color would even further indicate what they were looking for. Many modern slang words even started out as gay code words so that gay people could talk in public without drawing attention to themselves. Codes like “buns” for butt are still in use today, but got their start as codewords to keep gay conversations undercover.

While we often remember the Red Scare of the 1950s, we often don’t mention that there was also a Lavender Scare at the same time, which hunted down homosexuals just as the Red Scare hunted for communists. It was the belief that homosexuals would be more likely to undermine American policies or spread information to enemy nations, and thus had to be kept down.

Rich men often kept “actresses”, paying for apartments for them, paying for their food, drink, fun, costumes, and whatever else. If they really were an actress or otherwise a struggling entertainer, it was not unheard of for the wealthy benefactor to pay to get the actress roles, pay for tutors and lessons, or even buying them an entire theater. It’s not so hard to believe that a wealthy gentleman could keep a male model, actor, or artist in good stead, especially because artists in particular flourished in periods where rich people would sponsor and commission artists to paint for them. And this can work for either type of story, as a husband or wife would be equally annoyed to learn that the Duke of Orleans is keeping a young actor on the south side.

Gif Sourcing:

1. Bridgerton (2020 - present) 2. Game of Thrones (2011-2019) 3. Mary, Queen of Scots (2018) 4. Downton Abbey (2010-2015) 5. Victoria (2016) 6. Cloud Atlas (2012) 7. A Place to Call Home (2013-2018) 8. Mary Shelley (2017) 9. Brokeback Mountain (2005)

#historical fiction #writing romance #gay romance #historical romance #period piece #period drama #courting #courtship #gay history #gay historical fiction #gay victorian #gay period piece #gay period drama #queer romance #queer history #gay love story

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ure-a-sunflower · 1 year

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Truth, Dare, and Jealousy

Written by ure-a-sunflower

Eddie Munson x reader!all genders (Stranger Things fanfiction)

This is my first time publishing any of my work since I really wanted to gatekeep this stuff to myself. I’ll be honest, I wrote a lot of Eddie fan fics so I’ll see how this one turns out. Please be nice, I beg of you. I just did this for fun back in August of 2022.

CONTENT WARNING: alcohol consumption, mentions of smoking, some swearing, NO SPOILERS

Word Count: 3k

Eddie knew well that you hardly expressed crushes on real life boys aside from your beloved fictional characters. He was fine with that, honestly, because competition with some actually-not-real man that was good as paper and had as much depth as a kids blow up pool was nothing too personal for him. It was probably the dark brooding charm female authors would win you over with or the romantic promises these guys had that were downright unrealistic.

Regardless of that, you and Eddie connect really well and while he didn’t want to admit it, he was starting to develop feelings for you.

(Rest of the fic is below the cut)

This was kinda bad. You had only joined Hellfire a year ago and you got to Eddie real good. The other boys didn’t see it as much, but the way you both would squeal and jump for joy when you would come up with campaign ideas and talk about the most recent news of D&D… he never thought anyone else was like him. That was probably the first time he actually noticed you way past being a member of his club. Sure, you weren’t the biggest metalhead like the others, but when he saw you singing along to Black Sabbath and Iron Maiden in his van, he thought he was hallucinating.

But he was the group’s dungeon master and you weren’t held on the same freak level as him. You still hung out with your other best friends and your choice of aesthetic only dabbled in a bit of punk when given the chance. He thought you looked gorgeous when you would mix both. And considering how good you both got on already, Eddie was afraid he’d ruin what was between you. He couldn’t bear making it awkward.

At the end of a long week before a big school break, Eddie invited you to his trailer to hang out. The other Hellfire members had plans, which left the both of you alone.

“Truth or dare?” Eddie asked, while offering you another shot of the brandy. You downed it after swiping it from his hands and wiped your lips with your shirt. “Um, truth. Got nothing to hide.”

“Uhhh, alright.” Eddie leaned back to think. What useful information can he get out of you? He practically knew everything about you since you act like an open book around him. “Okay, I got one.”

“Shoot, Munson.” You didn’t like the clever smirk on his face.

“Who do you think is the most attractive member in Hellfire?”

Damn, you didn’t expect him to enter that territory. Eddie only took up your offer for a drinking game because you were getting sick of him being short of a human smoke machine. You weren’t planning to confess your stupid little crush on him that you’ve had for months now. What would he think of you?

“Wow, uh, you really wanna know?” you laughed it off awkwardly. Eddie noticed your uncomfortableness and chuckled. “I mean, you can answer my question or pick a worse dare, honey.”

God, his stupid nicknames. He wasn’t tipsy like you at the moment because unlike you, Eddie wasn’t a lightweight. “Let me hear the punishment then. I’ll consider my options.”

“That’s so against the rules but since you’re my favorite, I’ll tell you… I dare you to run around the trailer park, naked, and singing.”

“Eddie!” you yelled. “Are you trying to have fun or have me admitted to the nearest psychiatric ward?!” Soon, he was rollling on the floor, laughing. You couldn’t even bring yourself to imagine what you’d look like. Sure, you’d do anything for Eddie Munson, but that? You’d have to pass.

“So, ‘most attractive member’ then? Come on, sweets, we don’t have all night.”

“But won’t that sound like I’m attracted to them?”

“I mean, maybe. Be as objective as you want.”

You gulped. You really didn’t want Eddie to assume you had a crush on him but you also didn’t want him to think you had one on another Hellfire member. The least thing you’d want him to do is tease you with someone else. On top of things, inflating his already big sarcastic ego would end you.

“Um… huh, that’s tough…” You put your chin in your finger and thought hard. None of the freshmen were on the table. Jeff is sweet but he wasn’t your type— he was more like a brother to you, anyways. Last person left…

Everyone in Hellfire wasn’t afraid to admit that Gareth was handsome. Sure, he still had the baby cheeks and freckles from middle school, but you think his hair is really cute and fluffy even way back then. You always went out of your way to point that out and he’d blush super hard. He also gives you the best hugs, rivalring Eddie’s. Gareth is sweet and nice to you in and out of school, opposite of Grant and Eddie who are total pranksters. You have a soft spot for the guy. If only you weren’t so close with Eddie, you’d probably be fully head over heels with Gareth already.

You took a deep breath and shook your head in between a chuckle. “I guess I’m gonna go with Gareth.”

Eddie’s heart kinda stopped. Gareth? Gareth Emerson? He was already planning in his head how he would react when you’d say it was him. Ready to thank you and graciously shower you with praises while you roll your eyes and tell him not to take it too personally. That’s kind of why he asked the question, if he was being honest. He wanted to hear it from you.

You always loved teasing and calling Eddie your “pretty boy”, playing with his hair and braiding it whenever you both hung out. Once, you complimented his doe eyes while you were both out and about, and Eddie never forgot that moment since. It was the first time anyone has really noticed his features like that. The first time you met him, you even said his style was cool because he looked like a certified rockstar. But you thought Gareth was the most attractive when you were both alone right now? Seriously?

Eddie figured he’ll need to down a whole bottle and smoke himself to death once you go home. Then he just got more worried.

Why did he react that way?

“Eds, you good?” You waved a hand in front of his face as Eddie snapped out of his thoughts. You waited for his response after he kind of just blanked out.

He regretted asking you for the truth now. Should’ve just gone with like ‘what’s your go-to ice cream flavor’ or ‘who’s your favorite dungeon master and rockstar whose name starts with an E and rhymes with teddy’. Now, he just felt like some pathetic loser pouting because he didn’t like your answer. God, he felt like a stupid middle schooler all over again.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m alright.” He looked like he snapped out of his trance but his eyes look everywhere but yours. His hands seize the bottle and he downs some. “So, uh, Gareth huh?”

Completely oblivious, you giggle and shove his shoulder. “Don’t tell him I told you that. Besides, I only see him as a close friend.” You better, Eddie thought. You noticed the tension in Eddie’s jaw and put a hand on his thigh to calm him down. It only had the opposite effect. “Hey. Something’s bothering you, I can tell.”

“It’s nothing. Why did you choose Gareth?”

The way he so quickly changed the subject didn’t slip past you. But you figured it wasn’t worth pressing on more. “I mean,” you scratch your neck, “he’s really sweet and it’s no secret that he’s got good genes.”

Eddie’s eyebrows only furrowed. The grin of disbelief on his face looked less amused and more annoyed.

“Really? I mean, am I not sweet? It’s gotta be the hair, isn’t it?”

You tilted your head in confusion.

“Eddie… are you… jealous?”

You thought he was gonna have a whiplash with the way he snapped his head towards you. “What did you just say?” Despite the utter confusion in his face, you knew he heard you. You smirked and continued.

“Are you jealous of me saying Gareth’s attractive?” His poor best friend Gareth, having no idea that Eddie’s currently dunking his head in a barrel of water in his mind. How dare he look attractive to the person he’s had the biggest crush ever on. Now, they’re onto him.

Playing dumb was his only option. “No, I’m not. Why would I be jealous? Don’t be ridiculous. I’m teasing you about this!” Air quotes and all, you saw through his façade. The defenses were raised and you could tell Eddie was lying. His ears were a brighter pink than before and though you were tipsy, you still had a strong intuition that you just made your best friend envious. The alcohol in your system seemed to not only fuel your courage but also your audacity. You leaned in to mess with him further. “I just figured, y’know, since you reacted when I said that.”

“I did not react.” Such a child. You wiggled your eyebrows.

“Sure…” An idea popped in your head. “Then, you wouldn’t mind if I asked Gareth out after break?”

Eddie thought he was going to faint. Or combust. Whichever was faster.

“Are— Are you fucking serious?!” Eddie jumped in his seat, accidentally banging his knees on the table and staring at you like you’ve grown another head. You were laughing at this point, clutching your stomach and throwing your head back. If only Eddie didn’t hear your previous words, he would’ve thought you looked like a pure angel. But he was genuinely shocked.

“Munson, what has gotten into you?! I’m only joking!” Eddie’s been having heart attack after heart attack with each sentence you uttered. He didn’t know if he should be relieved or pissed off at you. “You really don’t like me going out with him, don’t you? Well, I know how much Gareth means to Jeff. Can’t get in the way of the most legendary bromance in Hawkins.”

Eddie slapped a hand over his face and groaned. He opened his mouth to say something when you beat him to it. “Or does it feel incestuous to date someone from Hellfire? I see why you’re so protective of them. I kinda see the boys as like my brothers—“

“Just shut up!” Playing cards, napkins, plastic forks— they scattered from the table to the floor as Eddie frantically attempts to quiet you. You stopped and stared at him. Usually, you would shrink away and tear up when someone raised their voice like that at you, but you knew Eddie would never mean you any harm. But then again, this was a first. And he sounded so serious.

After no one still said a word, you coughed and decided to change the topic. “… A-Alright, um, that’s enough truth or dare for one night.”

When you were about to leave and walk yourself home, because you were too tipsy as hell to even bike, Eddie insisted you stay. You gave up arguing with him when nothing could convince him to leave you there in the streets all by yourself. He couldn’t drive you either because he was slightly high, never wanting to lose his van because of a DUI arrest, and casually admitted that he won’t be able to sleep knowing you weren’t safe.

You were quite basically trapped in his arms as he cuddled you on his couch.

It was a compromising position, really. You never figured Eddie to be the cuddlebear, but the way he clung onto you was like you were going to disappear from his hands. To make yourself comfortable, you cuddled into him, placing your head on his chest, and Eddie’s heart melted at your gesture.

Your head in his chest, his legs over yours— he was going to be so pissed at himself in the morning.

He knew what he was doing but also not. So did you. This was how lovers would hold each other. It just felt right to be in the other’s arms and not care about the world, a crazy and cruel world. Yes, you were both good friends, but this was just you guys testing the waters of your friendship. No romantic shit. It was just two tipsy best friends cuddling closely on the couch, a thriller movie in the background as soft rain pattered outside. Super platonic. Yep.

You were drifting off to sleep time and time again because of how good of a white noise the TV and rain were, and Eddie couldn’t help but notice. However, he had something bothering him that he had to bring up to you before you start dozing off and become knocked off cold. He couldn’t wait until the morning to tell you since he knew well he’d chicken out again. Perhaps he invited you to drink some alcohol so he could finally confess using liquid courage, and in the case if you’d reject him, he’d just blame it on being drunk. Perfect foolproof plan.

“Hey,” Eddie whispered your name by the shell of your ear. You stirred from your sleepiness and turned up to him. “Hey, um… I’m sorry if I, uh, made an outburst earlier.”

It wasn’t easy to decipher what this was all about, especially when you were half-asleep and in the midst of sobering at this point. “For what? About Gareth? Don’t worry, I know we were being stupid.” You still didn’t understand why he made such a fuss, but you were just trying to move on from the situation. Nevermind figuring out his reasons. Your heart was pounding miles a minute. You were holding your crush like you were partners, and you wanted to be out of there and in between his arms more than ever at the same time. It was worth cherishing this position before you two part in the morning and just pretend nothing happened.

Eddie hated that you said his name again. “Yeah… I just…you know… I guess I was jealous.”

You took a pause to digest what he said. “You were? Oh, Eddie, I know I said Gareth but you’re still the pretty boy! I mean, you know I love your hair and your eyes—“

“No, it’s not that I’m jealous of Gareth’s looks.” Eddie took a deep breath. Yours hitched, waiting for his next words. He tried to look into your eyes but you could see them shaking and he kept averting your gaze. “I… well… shit. H-How am I gonna say this….?”

“… Yeah?”

“I-I got… I got jealous… that you like him.”

At this point you were grasping at sticks. What did that even mean? Was he jealous of the attention? Of your feelings? That another guy was held in a position higher than Eddie Munson, Hellfire’s Beloved Leader? It was starting to get annoying.

“Eddie, we’re so close and we’ve been great friends since I’ve known you. Fucking hell, you’re our Dungeon Master. I know you and Gareth are like brothers and I get it if you don’t want anyone dating in the club. You’ve got nothing to worry about just because I think he’s got looks—“

“No,” he shook his head, finally demanding your attention, “like, I like like you. I have feelings for you and I want to be with you. As your… boyfriend.”

You were certainly stunned.

Maybe you just waited and pushed for him to say it, but you still couldn’t believe it. Did Eddie just confess he liked you? First? You wanted to soar and you felt like you could touch stars. Holy shit. You wanted to pinch yourself to make sure you weren’t dreaming. Was it the alcohol that made you like this?

“…And I know I sound stupid or selfish but I guess I have to make my moves now since you want to ask Gareth out.”

Your mouth was still gaped wide open as Eddie continued rambling about how much he liked you. “—like we were alone in the drama room one night while cleaning and we danced to that stupid jazzy song you put on like my parents used to when I was a kid and I didn’t know it at that time but I think that’s when I realized I was falling really badly for you—“

You had scooted your way towards him the entire time he was going on and on, fully facing his direction, and took his hands that were wildly gesturing the entire time. “Eddie.”

“—because you’re just so nice and understanding and patient with me a-and— huh?” He was staring at you like a baby deer in headlights as you cupped his cheek. You could feel the warmth as his eyes widened. “I really like you too. I’ve fallen in love with you for months now.”

There was just silence. Silence on your end because you can’t believe you’ve finally said that, and Eddie was shortcircuiting with the words you’ve said to him. He had to repeat them in his head to make sure they really meant what he was thinking they meant. “You… You really—? But Gareth—“

“I only said Gareth because I didn’t know if I should confess I like you. I’ve had a crush on you since sophomore year.”

“You liked me for that long?! Wha— Wait, I, oh gosh so you actually like me?”

“Eddie, I want to be yours. I love you. I really do.”

That was the happiest he’s been in forever. If he had to put it in words, it felt like someone lit a firework and his heart was fizzing around the room.

Pulling you to him, he mumbled a “may I kiss you?” and you nodded eagerly. Eddie placed a hand below your chin and locked his lips with yours passionately, absolutely savoring this moment because he’s been waiting for it for sleepless nights and hopeless daydreams. It was finally happening.

He whispered in between kisses, “I love you so so much” which made you giggle. “I can’t believe I have the best, kindest, and hottest partner in all of the world.” When you rolled your eyes, Eddie shook his head disapprovingly and kissed you once again until you were literally gasping for air and telling him “okay! Okay! I believe you! Gosh, I love you so much, Eddie!”

At the next campaign, it was no doubt a surprise to Hellfire when Eddie suddenly announced you were his partner the moment you walked in the door.

#eddie munson #joseph quinn #stranger things #eddie munson x reader #stranger things 4 #gareth emerson #eddie x reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie fluff #stranger things fanfiction #eddie #hellfire club

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grishaverse-chaos · 6 months

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The Darkling

why I like them: could have been SO GOOD in theory okay? I will never shut up about this because "character who everyone thinks is evil is actually just the victim of a smear campaign and some really bigoted propaganda" is SUCH a good character concept and I wish darkling fans were right about him because it would be so fucking cool and aesthetic

why I don't: he uh. he isn't that. he could have been so fucking iconic and instead he was just a vicious murderer. who grooms teenage girls.

favourite episode/scene: LOVE the bit where alina stabs his hand in s1e8. tbf that's more of a fav alina moment than anything else lmao, let me think... okay fr I love the "fine. make me your villain" scene bc it just really showcases who he is as a character and how he sees himself (hint: those two things are not the same)

favourite season/movie: imo he's better written in s1 of the show than in s2, idk though. and I do love his story in the kos duology lmao

favourite line: that one bit in rule of wolves where he says "everything I have done has been for ravka" because it's so clearly Not True and yet.... he clearly thinks it is.... so where does intent stop and impact begin...... it's deep okay

favourite outfit: purely for shits and giggles I'm going to say his black kefta in s2 where there's bits of gold bc I loveeee people being haunted by those they've wronged and I think alina haunting him really fits into that theme

otp: no thank you! in all honesty he prob could have been Fixed™ if he'd had a genuine relationship at an earlier age but he didn't so I refuse to inflict him on any other character. darkolai is interesting to consider though bc I feel like the ways they see themselves clash so heavily.... it's about self image and it's about villainy and law and justice and power and and and. they would Not be a good relationship but I think they should interact more for the Narrative

brotp: his sister ulla! they'd have such a fun sibling dynamic lmao I think it'd be sweet

headcanon: tbh I don't tend to think about him much beyond the big narrative stuff so I'm struggling to think of something that fits the genre of "headcanon".... but let's humanise him a little! I bet he reads really literary fiction and gets ever-so-slightly pretentious about it lmao

unpopular opinion: is it unpopular to say that despite his original good intentions he's a bit of a dickhead and not as smart as he thinks he is? in some corners of the fandom it totally is but idk

a wish: at this point there's not much more that could be done with his character beyond what's already been set up (him being mercy killed so he's not suffering in the thorn wood for all eternity) so I'm going to say that I hope his stans get better reading comprehension bc dear GOD some of the takes I see (posted in the alina tag btw I'm not deliberately seeking them out) are absolutely horrendous. is that too salty? perhaps. idc though it's my blog and darkling stans are free to block me if they don't like my takes

an oh-god-please-don't-ever-happen: I swear if he goes NEAR alina genya or zoya again I will reach through the fourth wall to kill him myself. only half joking btw I'd be so pissed. imo they've all had the closure they need narratively and for him to seek them out again would be a dick move of the highest degree

5 words to best describe them: used to have good intentions. that might be cheating but idk if I can pick 5 random adjectives lmao

my nickname for them: I call him darkles sometimes (bc it's funny and also I think it'd piss him off if people called him that in-universe) also a lot of less positive nicknames ("that prick", "shithead" etc) but idk if that counts

#anyways sorry this took FOREVER it's been sitting in my drafts for weeks #but this was fun to think about! he's not my fav character as a person but holy shit is he interesting to analyse #anti darkling #<- just to be on the safe side #mayhem.txt #answered

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sleepy-shutin · 2 years

Text

here’s something interesting i feel like some more people in the community should probably think about:

something really interesting i’ve had to learn over the years is that, no, i didn’t actually have that many fictives lol. what i did have was dissociation-related identity issues and severe derealization and latched onto fictional characters because i felt like the rest of the world wasn’t real, like i was in some kind of a TV show or video game or something.

weirdly enough, it hasn’t gotten better since getting a job and getting out of the house, and in fact it kinda feels like it’s gotten worse. every day, i struggle with understanding that people other than me/my family are real and that i have to legitimately deal with them, and that my job is not some video game and is actually something that i have to take seriously.

either way i find it really interesting to consider that some people don’t have as many fictives (or non-fictives) as they think they do. it’s not a bad thing, just part of the process of getting all your shit sorted out, especially if you don’t have a therapist. but i think too many people are afraid to admit that they could be wrong about how many alters they have for some reason. if they think they have an alter of something than they must, and they can never be wrong about it because why would they? they know themselves best, right?

not necessarily true.

all the time, people mistake things for alters that were not alters. people who have been diagnosed for years can mistake something for an alter when it’s not an alter at all. it’s simply a part of the process, and people need to acknowledge that you can be wrong about having (a) certain part(s), and that’s fine.

like i said at the beginning of this post, this very thing has happened to me. i thought i had alters i didn’t, particularly fictives, and had to eventually restart my alter count a couple of years ago because i didn’t have my shit figured out, and was so sick of being unable to tell what was real and what isn’t.

here’s some things that should’ve been my own hint that the alters i thought i had were not real:

if you have fictives that go 'dormant’ when the fixation on their source material goes away,

if they only front to interact with their source material,

if they only front because their source material triggered them out,

if you’re only ever ‘splitting’ fictive alters, especially if you’re in spaces where fictives are the majority,

or if you constantly expect to split fictives over any other kind of alter...

...then that/those fictive(s) might not actually be there.

causes could be related to being in fictive-heavy spaces causing you to feel like you’re only going to split fictives or identity issues related to severe, chronic dissociation causing you to identify with fictional characters heavily without actually introjecting them. both of these were the reasons i thought i had more fictives than i did in the beginning.

obviously, not a one-size-fits-all type deal and there are probably plenty of cases where this is flat-out wrong. i’m mostly just writing this so that someone out there like me doesn’t have to waste their time thinking they have more parts, or more of one specific kind of part, than they actually do, thus stunting their own recovery like i did for a handful of years.

it’s also not to shame anyone or fakeclaim anyone or whatever. there’s no shame in being wrong, and being wrong about having a specific alter or a handful of a certain type of alter doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re faking everything or whatever. it’s just something to consider, especially if you’re new to the system community, like a year or less into realizing you have a complex dissociative disorder.

#part zero #actuallydid #actuallymultiple #actuallytraumagenic #actuallydissociative #actuallyosdd #did system #osdd system #dissociative identity disorder #osdd-1 #osdd-1a #osdd-1b #ddnos #syscourse

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mariana-oconnor · 1 year

Text

The Crooked Man pt 1

He lived in a crooked house and walked a crooked mile and there was a crooked stile and... something crooked sixpence? Or something... I don't know. Nursery rhymes are weird.

One summer night, a few months after my marriage, I was seated by my own hearth smoking a last pipe and nodding over a novel, for my day's work had been an exhausting one.

Another one 'a few months after' Watson's marriage. So many shoved into so little time. But apparently he's actually put in a whole day's work this time. I'm kind of impressed.

I looked at the clock. It was a quarter to twelve. This could not be a visitor at so late an hour. A patient, evidently, and possibly an all-night sitting.

I know I'm prejudiced because I'm reading this knowing it's a Sherlock Holmes story, but clearly it's Holmes, Watson. Clearly. None of your patients would show up in the middle of the night because they know full well you're probably not there because you're probably haring around London with Holmes.

“You still smoke the Arcadia mixture of your bachelor days then! There's no mistaking that fluffy ash upon your coat."

I really enjoy the references to Holmes' knowledge of tobacco ash. It's such a nice thing to be carried through the stories, even when ACD forgets other aspects, we can always count on Holmes to know his ash.

"Sorry to see that you've had the British workman in the house. He's a token of evil."

The French workman, on the other hand is a memento of divine favour. And never allows the hobnails of his boots to leave dents on the floor of your home.

“Elementary,” said he.

I know he won't, but still...

"The same may be said, my dear fellow, for the effect of some of these little sketches of yours, which is entirely meretricious, depending as it does upon your retaining in your own hands some factors in the problem which are never imparted to the reader."

Now that's not really sportsmanlike detective fiction writing there. Although these were written before the genre was really set in stone. But it's considered best practice to make sure all evidence is there for the reader/watcher to put together these days. Suddenly saying at the end 'and of course, because of this footprint that I found earlier but haven't shown anyone yet the killer must be the identical twin who no one knew existed up to this point' is a bit rude. A lot rude.

Mostly the Holmes stories don't do that, though. ACD's pretty good at giving you all the information as you go along, not that they always work in the same way. But it's not like that super annoying thing they do in TV shows where one of the characters will be sent a text or a picture or overhear something and they'll get the big gasp of understanding but the viewer isn't let in on the secret. I hate that. Maybe if it's not a main POV character that's fine, especially if they're about to get killed because they know too much, but if we're following the main character and they get information then withholding it just so you can have a big reveal later is so irritating.

For those of you counting racist comments, add another to the tally. Native Americans this time, in case you were wondering.

“The problem presents features of interest,” said he. “I may even say exceptional features of interest. I have already looked into the matter, and have come, as I think, within sight of my solution. If you could accompany me in that last step you might be of considerable service to me.”

So we're coming into this one right at the end because Holmes wants his emotional support doctor to be with him for this. Reminds me of helping my Mum with crosswords. All I do is sit there and give wrong answers, she does it all herself, but she insists she couldn't do it without me. (This is a lie. She does them by herself all the time.)

We're going to have to catch up really fast, though. Remember what I was saying before about ACD being good at giving us the information as the detective gets i?, Yeah no. We're speedrunning this bitch after everyone else has been given a two-day head start.

“Could you go as far as Aldershot to-morrow?” “I have no doubt Jackson would take my practice.”

I know I joke about Watson never doing any work a lot, but I stg this guy never does any work. I expect Jackson is having all sorts of zany medical hijinks that Watson isn't around to see. I hope he's at least receiving adequate pay for all this extra work he's taking on.

"It is the supposed murder of Colonel Barclay, of the Royal Munsters, at Aldershot, which I am investigating.”

I hope this one's an actual colonel. Seems likely, seeing as he's dead and I assume the body has been identified, but we can't assume anything.

"It was commanded up to Monday night by James Barclay, a gallant veteran, who started as a full private, was raised to commissioned rank for his bravery at the time of the Mutiny, and so lived to command the regiment in which he had once carried a musket."

Okay, so he actually started from the bottom up, didn't buy his commission. How very Sharpe of him.

"There was, therefore, as can be imagined, some little social friction when the young couple (for they were still young) found themselves in their new surroundings."

In other words, they weren't posh enough and they didn't fit in with the officers.

How very Sharpe of them...

But apparently Nancy was (and still is) hot. So that helped.

"But they were regarded in the regiment as the very model of a middle-aged couple."

Never have I read a sentence before that made me so sure that people were kinky af. But I did promise no vibes, only facts. So sure, they were a perfectly respectable middle aged couple, devoted to each other and entirely faithful (coughtheywereswingerscough).

"He was a dashing, jovial old solder in his usual mood, but there were occasions on which he seemed to show himself capable of considerable violence and vindictiveness. This side of his nature, however, appears never to have been turned towards his wife."

I mean, that's not the most encouraging description of a person's temperament I've ever heard. And how do you know it was never turned towards his wife. Hmm... Come on, Colonel Barclay, please don't turn out to be a dick. I'm rooting for you here.

As much as the alliteration is pleasing, I don't like the combination of 'violence and vindictiveness', though. I know he's the one that ends up dying, but still... warning bells are ringing.

"The latter peculiarity took the form of a dislike to being left alone, especially after dark. This puerile feature in a nature which was conspicuously manly had often given rise to comment and conjecture."

OK, so occasionally violent, depressive episodes and a fear of the dark. This is reading a lot like PTSD to me, or at least indicative of some sort of trauma. Also, I hate the word puerile. I hadn't really thought about it before, but probably one of my least favourite words in the English language. Puerile... *shudder*

"Mrs. Barclay herself lit the lamp and then rang the bell, asking Jane Stewart, the house-maid, to bring her a cup of tea, which was quite contrary to her usual habits."

Oho, so we are presented with the mystery of the tea. Why did she ask for tea when she usually didn't? This feels like it might be relevant, as though she wanted the maid to come back for some reason. Or she just wanted a cup of tea for some reason. I mean, she was British, in general we don't need much of an excuse for a cup of tea. Not me personally, I hate the stuff. Weird bitter water. But the British obsession with a nice cup of tea? I can say that that stereotype is absolutely based in fact.

"The tea which had been ordered was brought up at the end of ten minutes; but the maid, as she approached the door, was surprised to hear the voices of her master and mistress in furious altercation. She knocked without receiving any answer, and even turned the handle, but only to find that the door was locked upon the inside."

Despite not liking tea, my cultural Britishness requires me to note that the tea was brewed for a reasonable amount of time. My brother assures me that 8 minutes is the perfect steeping time for a single teabag in a single mug.

The fact the door was locked is interesting. Maybe they just didn't want anyone to walk in on their argument (or their making up, if they're into that kind of thing), but that coupled with the unusual tea request makes me think that the wife at least wanted this to be overheard.

Did Jane Stewart hear both voices, or just one talking as though to someone else? It could have been acting on the wife's part.

"They all agreed that only two voices were to be heard, those of Barclay and of his wife."

No, two voices confirmed, that throws that idea out the window.

"Barclay's remarks were subdued and abrupt, so that none of them were audible to the listeners."

Oh, no we're back in the game. They couldn't hear him properly. Could have been his wife putting on a voice. Inconclusive evidence that the Colonel is still alive at this time. And perfect set up by her for an alibi...

‘You coward!’ she repeated over and over again. ‘What can be done now? What can be done now? Give me back my life. I will never so much as breathe the same air with you again! You coward! You Coward!’

That's certainly a statement. Very cryptic. No names given. No details. Just unspecified cowardice.

"His mistress had ceased to scream and was stretched insensible upon a couch, while with his feet tilted over the side of an arm-chair, and his head upon the ground near the corner of the fender, was lying the unfortunate soldier stone dead in a pool of his own blood."

Hmm... well, I feel like if it was her then she'd have had a better plan for getting out of there while leaving everyone thinking that the colonel was alive. Maybe she sent the maid for tea to get her out of the room rather than to make sure she came back.

Of course, if the second voice wasn't her putting on a voice, but she was instead arguing with a third person who is the 'coward' she was directing her remarks to before, that makes a certain amount of sense, but where did that person go? Did they sneak out of the window and out of sight in the time before the coachman managed to get outside?

No key in the room, either, which lends credence to a third person who ran off with the key.

"The servants deny having seen it before, but among the numerous curiosities in the house it is possible that it may have been overlooked."

I'd be inclined to believe them, considering it would be them who were cleaning the thing. I'd expect them to know every single item the colonel had on display and exactly how difficult it was to dust. They would absolutely hate that bloody thing and know every last inch of it.

"On my pressing her, however, she remembered that she heard the word David uttered twice by the lady. The point is of the utmost importance as guiding us towards the reason of the sudden quarrel. The Colonel's name, you remember, was James."

Well now I don't think there's a third person involved again, because now that's too obvious. It feels like that's got to be either a reference to something (It's been made very clear that she's religious, so David and Goliath? Biblical reference?) or The Colonel has another name for some reason. The emphasis on her being Catholic feels important, though... so I'm leaning towards biblical reference at this point. Although maybe the emphasis on Catholicism is because she had another husband who she thought was dead, but has now discovered that he's still alive and because she's Catholic she can't divorce... OR He had a previous wife who he divorced, but Nancy doesn't believe in divorce.

Also, some research into King David (of David and Goliath fame) indicates he was polygamous so BOTH of these things could be right at the same time.

Genuinely did not know he had multiple wives. Huh... They did not mention that in church... or Catholic school... or that one semester in University where we studied the bible as a literary text (so much begatting omg stop begatting - actually, they might have mentioned it at university, I switched off a bit after all the begatting...).

"It had set, according to their account, into the most dreadful expression of fear and horror which a human countenance is capable of assuming."

OK, we know he's afraid of the dark, so... what if in the argument, one of them broke the light and the room plunged into darkness. Then in terror he... fell on a weapon that shouldn't even have existed. Yeah, that needs work-shopping. But so far that's the only thing we know he was afraid of, so...

"No information could be got from the lady herself, who was temporarily insane from an acute attack of brain-fever."

Brain fever again! Take a shot!

"There had been a man in the room, and he had crossed the lawn coming from the road. I was able to obtain five very clear impressions of his foot-marks [...] But it was not the man who surprised me. It was his companion.”

Well that resolves that question. There was at least one other person in the room. So whoever they are, they took the key with them. Maybe one of them was called David and I was over-complicating things with the biblical references. Definitely think that the Catholicism has to come into play, because that was a very prominent thing we learnt about her and it seems like a weird thing to put in there if it isn't relevant. And why did she ask for the tea? Maybe it wasn't even for her. Maybe she was expecting someone else.

We haven't got any indication where the title comes from yet, either. So many mysteries to clear up in part 2.

The secret first wife could be the companion, though... Just saying.

#Letters from Watson #Sherlock Holmes #The Crooked Man #long post

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bunny-hoodlum · 5 months

Note

For the ask game! 3. Are there any specific themes you enjoy exploring in your fics? 10. What's your favorite part about the fic writing process? 29. Are there any characters, relationships, or general character dynamics you've never written about but would like to try?

Heyyy! Thank you for the ask @wickermayne! I pushed this answer back because I felt like I needed more time to think about my answers. 😅 Which, I didn't exactly do either tbh. 👉👈😓 I lowkey hated I didn't have anything controversial that I could 'get arrested for' if I wrote it or that my readers would hate, that actually bothered me so much, like how boring am I? 😂😂😂

[Yet Another] 'Questions for Fic Writers'

Are there any specific themes you enjoy exploring in your fics?

Yes, I love these kind of vibes in Seinen manga and character drama movies, and maybe some of my own existential feels is worked in there, too. Self-sabotage, alienation, regret, and loss of time/chances, oh and things you want but can't have, I suppose. On the fun side of things, I like to explore taboo as a whole. I can't quite describe the cocktail of inner conflict that I makes a fic sing for me when I write it, but Asynchronous With You has it and I think most of my fics do too, but AWY is the easiest to explain. Hinata wants to be with Naruto romantically or for the rest of her life but she can't have both, unless something changes. Naruto wants to be with Hinata for the rest of his life but not romantically (as far as he knows). Both want the same thing but for different reasons and if they're honest with each other, they might lose each other forever. It's stuff like that I loooooove. I feel like my DILF fic has it to some extent as well, like, even if Naruto sleeps with jailbait!Hinata, he can separate the sex from his stronger desire to be a parent, so intent and actions are going to be at odds at all times until something changes, and Hinata is going to be attaching herself to this rollercoaster whether she regrets it or not, because it's either pain or nothing at all. And, at least the pain can bring her some excitement in her life. I guess whenever I get to my Idle Hands rewrite, this theme is gonna play out similarly with Hinata too, that the pain Naruto and Sasuke put her through at least is interesting. 😅

What's you favorite part of the fic writing process?

The writing itself, but the annoying thing is I need be totally relaxed, not sleepy in the slightest, words actually make sense in my head and I'm totally immersed in the work. Then it's like I'm experiencing it live as it's happening. I wish headspace was more accessible, like sometimes editing can take me there because the thing exists and I'm refining it. But what I mean is, if I could just write bad to begin with or let myself and then clean it up, clean it up, clean it up once last time, that'd be great. I could be more methodical instead of waiting to get possessed by brain chemicals or some touch of inspo from another dimension. 😅

Are there any characters, relationships, or general character dynamics you've never written about but would like to try?

Very, very casually, I think, yes? I told you about IruHina, but it's gonna be one of those things that I need to have totally solid interest in so that way I don't care if it's such a rarepair that nobody is interested in it, that I still write it anyways. 😂 Right now, I'm trying to write NaruKurostuchi but for the DILF fic, not sure if that counts, but I am trying to flesh it out, so I'm trying to explore it in good faith for the sake of the story. I might need to build up his backstory at some point here, figure out who his other exes are. 🤭 As for general character dynamics... Enemies to Lovers is probably the one thing I've never touched, be it in fiction, fanfiction or in my own daydreams. 🤔 Which might seem ironic, considering the amount of hate sex-adjacent fics I've pumped out recently. 😂 But I would like to try, of course I need a story for this that catches my interest. 😅 Other character dynamics, think those would be the other age gap WIPs I haven't gotten around to yet. Can't think of anything else. 🤔

#writer ask game #wickermayne

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irisbleufic · 2 years

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Do you have any advice on how to write trans characters? What are the big no nos when writing them? Is it OK to use magic to help my trans characters transition easier? In general if I were to write a trans character in fantasy setting or in an older time period settings what would be different? Or would writing them and their struggles would just be the same?

I do have some advice, although the thing to remember from the outset is that I represent just one trans person's take on these questions. It's also important to know that my trans identity is, even more specifically, that of a person whose gender identity is nonbinary/gender neutral in part due to being biologically intersex. You may also want to ask these questions of a few other individuals with trans identities different from mine (i.e. trans women, trans men, agender people, and so forth). Nonetheless, I'll do my best to respond in a way that you'll hopefully find helpful!

At the most basic level, be respectful. The fact that you're seeking out people to answer these questions means you're already doing that, and believe me, we appreciate it! If you ever feel lost with regard to what's considered the most up-to-date terminology around LGBTQIA+ identities and orientations, the GLAAD Media Reference Guide is generally reliable if you can't get a quick answer from a live human. It may lack finer detail on some points (like the more exhaustive breakdown I gave of my own identity, for example).

Part of being respectful is also asking yourself why you're including a trans character (or a character of any marginalized identity, really). Show that you care about who that character is above and beyond the fact that they're trans. Foreground their personality; focus on who they are in terms of their temperament, their relationships, and even their flaws. For example, if you're going to have a trans villain, make sure they're not reduced to that status simply because they're trans. They likely have ambitions and beliefs that influence that status far more than anything else. Now, I'm not saying your trans villain isn't allowed to be vengeful because the world's been cruel to them; most villains have some component of vengeance going on anyway. Whatever role your trans character is filling, make sure they're fully fleshed out. I feel like this advice is just as much about compelling characterization as it is about being respectful.

With regard to the use of magic for fictional transition: I mean, why not? If magic is a feature and/or a piece of technology in your worldbuilding, I say go for it. I can count on two hands the number of trans creators I know who have included some kind of magical component to transitioning. If we could practice magic in reality, I'm sure we'd use it for transition all the fucking time. Now, if you're writing in a non-fantasy setting, you obviously wouldn't want to suddenly have magic appear for the sake of transition, and then serve no other purpose. You would probably want to reflect real world transitioning procedures, even if that means a lack of medical intervention. Many trans people either can't afford, can't be bothered with, or actively don't want to medically transition. It would be really neat (and have a normalizing effect) to see more trans people in fiction who don't feel the need to medically transition, actually!

This brings me to your question of writing about real trans people in the past. Some lived in times and places where early medical transition measures such as hormone therapy were available (for example: in the ancient world, drinking mammal urine containing estrogen was an approach to feminization). However, many more people did not have options readily available, which meant the most they could do was align the way they dressed and carried themselves with their desired gender presentation. We know a lot more about the lives of intersex and trans people in the past than you might think; even just using those Wikipedia links as a starting point for source location yields considerable information on some of them.

I can't make a blanket statement saying that their daily struggles were all just the same as those of modern trans people. Some of them may not have even struggled at all. This is why doing research is so important. It all depends on their context: culture, language, family dynamics, socio-economic class, did they experience dysphoria or none at all, etc. In that respect, things haven't changed a lot, because those factors affect trans people today.

If there's anything I'd like you to take away from this, it's that there is no single trans story to tell. In fact, there are far more yet to be told than have already been told. Many of us who began telling trans stories before we were completely out, or had completely figured ourselves out, learned in the telling. I'm not saying that will be the case for you, but sometimes the desire to tell a story is indicative that you're taking an active role in discovering your own.

#transgender #trans history #lgbtqia+#queer history #writing advice

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justapixelthing · 1 year

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Rant about how to make OOT Zelink work with TP Link being a Farmer

I had this rant stuck in my head at work so I have to get it out or I'll explode!

So child timeline: Malon has a thing for Link but Link has eyes for Zelda and kinda has to break Malon's heart. So what does he do? As Link trains to become a knight, he meets a guy (an OC I have yet to present) who seems perfect for her. So he sets the two up and they become a couple. Link works his way up the ranks and becomes a royal knight, eventually also getting a honorary noble title (those do indeed exist). And once Zelda is queen she can do whatever she wants and marries Link. Besides Link literally has the mark of the gods (triforce on his hand) in a religious Kingdom like Hyrule. I doubt he'd be just a simple peasant. Not to forget to mention the warning of impending doom.

So Link and Zelda have multiple children and so do Malon and OC.

One of Zelda and Link's children ends up falling with love with one of Malon and OC's children. The ZeLink child eventually decides it wants to leave the royal duties to the siblings and moves to the farm to be with Malon's child (giving up royal life is also a thing that happens sometimes IRL, most recent example being... the kinda messy one of Harry and Meghan). ZeLink child x Malon/OC child create the bloodline that leads to Twilight Princess Link being a farmer. There are definitely at least several generation between them. I've seen people mention that the 100 years between OoT and TP was a mistranslation and it's actually hundreds. Can't confirm for sure but makes more sense considering how vastly different Hyrule is.

So that means: TP Link is: A descendant of Link, Zelda and Malon. It's basically a second generation MaLink through their children. Sure it is a lot easier to go the Malon and Link end up together route, but as long as Nintendo never confirms MaLink, It's pretty valid to go another way with your headcanon. That does make TP Link and Zelda veeery distant cousins, but so distant to the point that they can't really be counted as related if you want to ship them. (If you don't want to ship TP Zelink, them being lost cousins is also a cute story.)

Also kinda fits in with the Hero's Shade armor. It looks like no other armor of any other knight. Maybe it was a royal armor? I do think the Shade acts more like an old mentor, than a young man, so I think he probably died in old age and got buried with his armor, or fell in battle when he was an old man and no longer as strong (bc let's be real hero of time + hidden skills? He must have been a beast in his prime time). If his children were a mix of royals and a farmer, no wonder he wouldn't have taught them his skills. Or they just didn't want to or weren't fit for it. And ofc Link would still lament not being remembered as hero. It's not about being any hero but the hero of time. No matter how many people knew about it, no one would be able to relate.

Long story short: Oot Zelink is possible with a few extra steps. BUT MaLink wouldn't be a bad couple and I see nothing bad in people who like them. I just forever prefer ZeLink over MaLink because to me the romantic implications are too strong. I feel like Nintendo originally wanted ZeLink to be the main focus (Miyamoto saying he sees Zelda as Links girlfriend) but accidentally made MaLink a strong possibility by making TP Link a farmer. But that's just my thought. The TP Manga does try to retcon this quite a bit.

Anyway, as long as nothing is put as canon, every ship and head canon is perfectly valid and this is mine. :D Pls don't fight over things like fictional character love interests. Adding a fictional story to a... fictional story is no crime. It being open for our interpretation creates a lot of diversity and I like that.

Sorry for the long rant! Edit: Or just have Malon Zelda and Link in a poly relationship :D

#oot zelink #zelink #sorry for my rant #it can be both #headcanon #zelda headcanon #every ship is valid bc its headcanon!#These two are made for each other #ocarina of time #sorry for the long rant #ocarina of time zelink

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erythromanc3r · 11 months

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Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @pipergirl17 and @pearlypairings - thank you both!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

As far as you can tell, reader? Six.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

65,700+ (not nearly as many as some of you, but I'm always pleasantly surprised to see how much I've written in such little time!)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Stranger Things is the first fandom I've ever written for!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

brimstone, wrapped up in a bow

[REDACTED]

Better Living Through Chemistry

Among the Willows

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do my best to respond! It often takes me a little while but I love getting comments and interacting with anyone who was kind enough to take the time to leave a comment.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It's not exactly angsty in and of itself, but the framework surrounding kiss me where you bruise me is not as happy as my other work. For one, it's the first fic I've written that contains explicit infidelity. I consider this fic in particular to be an excerpt from a bigger multi-chapter fic that I have outlined - it may or may not ever see the light of day, and there's a lot of longing and misunderstanding and hurt there, especially from Chrissy's perspective.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Relative to where it starts? Among the Willows.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I have never gotten any negative comments and I'm really grateful for that!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do! Mostly I just see where the vibes take me. I like including it in multi-chapters as an examination of how people in budding relationships approach sex and desire, and how sex either brings them together or further complicates things. A lot of my PWP one-shots, on the other hand, are just me going "I bet these two would be fun to write with this kink," and most of those fics are anonymous to preserve my ability to actually publish them without getting all weird and self-conscious about the content.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

No crossovers, but I have considered tossing characters into other hyper-specific AUs.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I am aware of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven't, I think I'd get really insecure about my writing if I was actively working with someone else on a fic.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

You know, at this point, considering Hellcheer is the first ship I've ever felt compelled to write fic for...it's probably them! These two were created in a lab to give me maximum brainrot I think

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Never say never. If it's on ao3, I intend to finish it. Unpublished? The rest of kiss me where you bruise me.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Outlining, building momentum, characterization (at least I think so)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

ACTUALLY WRITING. And second-guessing my choices as I write my way through a wip. This is something I am actively resisting as I work on a couple wips.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I'm really only fluent in English. If I wanted to include dialogue in another language in my work, I'd only feel comfortable doing it after consulting with someone who speaks that language fluently.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Stranger Things!

20. Favorite fic you've written?

it ain't fiction, just a natural fact is me living my best and most self-indulgent life. I make no apologies for what I'm doing here. I'm having a fucking blast writing it and I'm so glad so many readers have responded with so much enthusiasm.

I am tagging...anyone who wants to do this because I have seen this game come across my dash a whole bunch so I assume most of my mutuals have done this already. But just in case anyone feels left out. Consider this your opportunity to dive in! (YES, YOU!)

#tag game #writing #hellcheer #hellcheer fanfic

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arcielee · 2 years

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Interview With a Writer

This is a tentative series idea I had to reach out to writers whose completed stories I just absolutely fell in love with and just want to share with the rest of Tumblr. ♥ Its continuation is solely based if these talented beings are willing to answer my questions or not.

Name: bittersweetarts

Story: Little Lamb // ao3

Paring: Aemond Targaryen x Reader

Rating/Warning: Explicit, sexual themes, misogynistic behaviour (borderline sexist) depictions of violence and death.

So, when did you start writing?

I started writing during primary school, like a lot of people do. Funny enough, my first completed short story was essentially a fanfic about my classmates during a natural disaster (which is so embarrassing I know), and the worst part is that I did show it to my closest friends at the time. Thankfully, I wrote it by hand and only have the memory of it as a keepsake, so no one can ever read it now.

Where did the plot for Little Lamb come from? (Was it a daydream on repeat in your mind, fan vid, etc.)

I have always been the type of person to obsess over fictional characters, but when House of the Dragon episodes started coming out, I didn't obsess over anyone, which caught me off guard (I started watching GoT when the first season premiered, and though I was too young for it, I was obsessed).

But I was interested in the history of the Targaryens so I decided to read Fire & Blood, and the moment that we were introduced to Aemond's character, it was game over for me. I became obsessed, but at the time (September 2022), there were practically no stories, and I felt like I had read them all.

This is when the plot of the first chapter began marinating in my mind and, one evening, I was not feeling great mentally and just drafted the first chapter to feel better. I didn't plan to post it, as I never had before, but decided to on a whim. From then on, I really only continued the story due to the amazing response from the community! The rest of the plot's inspiration essentially came from an accumulation of all the books, fanfics, and stories I have read.

Was there anything in specific that inspired your Reader portrayal?

I had never written in second person prior to Little Lamb, and had only done so to not have to actually create an original character as that takes more effort (like coming up with their backstory, how they fit into George R. R. Martin's world, etc). I didn't intend on publishing the first chapter, let alone finishing the story, so to begin with, I wrote a very plain character/reader that any person could relate to. However, as I continued writing the story, this was less possible, so I tried to create a character that felt real and tangible, with the virtues and flaws of a real person.

Do you feel your Reader compliments Aemond well?

I hope that the Reader in Little Lamb compliments Aemond well (or at least my interpretation of Aemond), but that really is up to the person reading the story!

Explain your interpretation of Aemond Targaryen. What drives him? Why is he the way he is in Little Lamb?

The way I characterise Aemond is more so based on Fire & Blood rather than the TV series, as I had read the book first before he was introduced in the HotD. Aemond reminds me a lot of Anakin Skywalker (from Star Wars) and Paul Atreides (from Dune) in that he possesses the qualities of a Byronic hero – he is a generally good person haunted by his past. In my opinion, Aemond's main motivation is to protect those he considers family, as he understood that no one would protect them otherwise, and he learned this lesson in a brutal way when he lost his eye as a child and had no one on his side except his mother.

Was there another character (OC or canon) in your story you enjoyed portraying? (And why?)

I didn’t explore other characters too much as Little Lamb is not very long (its word count is only about sixty thousand), but I did really enjoy writing Daeron Targaryen into the story whenever it felt appropriate. The show-runners in HotD decided to not include him Season 1, which saddened me because I loved him in Fire & Blood, but I do think that he will be included in the next season. I am not going to mention anything about his character (as it would probably be a spoiler since he hasn’t been introduced in the TV series yet), but in case anyone is not aware of him, Daeron is Viserys and Alicent’s youngest son, and he ends up becoming an important (and bad ass) character in the Dance of the Dragons. I really enjoyed writing about him because there is so little about him, both in canon and in fanfiction, and I have a massive soft spot for him.

Do you think you would do a sequel?

I thought about it, due to how positive the response to Little Lamb was, but decided against it as I think that story had reached its natural end. Due to the nature of the story (as it is a second person narrative with an ambiguous reader), I feel like expanding the story would make it convoluted, and I did write it randomly one evening, so it has many plot holes which I cannot patch up.

However, I did start a new HotD story, with an OC, and that story is incredibly more fleshed out and thought through, so that is what I am working on currently. Unfortunately, progress on it has been slower, but I hope to be able to regularly post chapter updates on it soon.

Do you have a personal favorite story you'd like to share?

Definitely! I am a reader more so than a writer, and my favourite story is The Fool and the Dragon by @prince-aemond-targaryen – it is a beautiful story, written in such emotive language and a plot that is so absorbing, and I have re-read it multiple times now! I began reading it when the first chapter was published on AO3, and her updates were what brightened up my days back then. By far my favourite Aemond fanfic, but I am on Tumblr and AO3 most evenings reading fanfiction, and love most of the ones I come across.

#interview with a writer #iwaw1 #i hope you enjoy #♥#aemond fanfiction #aemond targaryen

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ratguy-nico · 7 months

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GENTEEEE I just saw Strange Wolrd, you know? that Pixar Movie that no one saw, no one knows it exist and no one like it? I just saw it and I love it, is sooooo AH, for real.

The only thing I knew before watching this movie is that it was heavyly inspired on the books of Julio Verne. If you don't know him, he is one of the great fathers of science fiction genre and in fact he has inspired all kinds of other works. When I was a child (many many years ago) I knew him mainly for being the hero of Doc Brown in "Back to the Future"

Pero que me distraigo. Although the story is full of epic adventure with lots of spectacular landscapes and intriguing creatures, what I didn't expect and what I loved was that the story revolves around breaking the cycle of abusing parenting. If you know me, you know I'm a big Bob's Burger fan, so I cannot avoid the comparison between the father-son relationship between Jaeger and Searcher with the father-son relationship between Big Bob and Bob.

This is a beautiful story about Jaeger a man too distracted by his own ego, his own ambitions, and the image he must maintain before others to care about his own son, whom he constantly devalues, reaching the point of simply abandoning him to follow his "dreams".

On the other hand we have Searcher who is now Ethan's father and shows us that yes, perhaps he did not have a great father, but that he will be a great father and he is, he is attentive to his son, totally involved in his life and making him feel loved and protected, he may be a lil intense sometimes but within everything it is seen that he has an excellent relationship with Ethan, however he end up commiting the same mistakes as his father by not wanting to listen to his child, cause he knows Ethan, he knows what they want, but he fears that this will end up pushing them away and Ethan will end up becoming his father, Jaeger.

Searcher falls into even more toxic behaviors when he is reunited with his father, which is terribly common to happen in this kind of abusing relationship, Searcher once again feels unprotected and neglected by a man who continues to...well abandon and ignore him, making things worse with Ethan.

But I love how the movie deals with this, because Searcher is indeed a good father and ends up putting aside any quarrel he has with Jaeger in order to safeguard Ethan, it shows that he will not actually repeat the same mistakes of his father, because he knows better, he has learned what was wrong and what is the most important thing.

One of my fav moments, that perfectly summarizes all I've been telling you, is when Jaeger complains to Searcher about how he considers him a horrible father and Searcher only answers "Yeah, but you didn't have to be" making it clear that no, Jaeger was not a good father but not because he was an evil being, a heartless man who hated Searcher, he just decided not to, he simply did not want to face the things he did wrong and decided to continue running, leaving his son and family behind.

Pero que maravillosa pelicula, it's not perfect, watching Ethan at times can be really cringe and akward, but he's a teenager, this is what teens are, horrible.

The film also carries a strong environmental message, about how harmful humans can be by getting into ecosystems they don't know about to take advantage of them without measuring the consequences. Perhaps it is not the main thing, but it is made clear that it is important. Though there is a line that is not very subtle about it and I don't loved that, show me, don't tell me.

But that would be the only criticism without counting some things about the character designs, especially in the friends and Ethan department, but I'm just being pity.

You cannot change what is already done and I know that this movie was no profitable and is already a complete failure for Disney/Pixar, but why should that matter to me? It's a great movie, period.

So yeah...I just really like it and I wanted to talk about it so this is me rambling over something no one cares XD

And as a plus the movie had beutiful 2D kinda comic art in some parts... or 3D that looks like 2D i dunno.

#strange world #this is kinda a review #is a review #I talk a lot #but this is a really cool movie #aaaaaah #so yeah #like this movie #i know most know hate disney i hate it too #cause they can do this masterpiece #and just burry it without giving it the attention it deserves #agh #again i dont speak english i know the bare minimum so if there are parts you dont get #...sorry im trying 😔

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therhythmafterthesummer · 2 years

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Safe Haven ~Bang Chan | Day 90.

Pairing: SpaceRebel!Chan x WitchQueen!F.Reader Themes: Fantasy AU | Sci-Fi AU | Royalty AU | Soulmate AU | Slow Burn | Mutual Pining | Angst | Smut | Fluff. Series Warnings: Third person POV · Very loose and liberal usage of Star Wars concepts (mostly to refer to weapons and tech). you don’t need to know anything about SW to read this, trust me · Physical descriptions of the main female character such as: can visibly blush, having long hair, and being short · Violence · Swearing · Mature themes and language · Original characters · Graphic smut (later chapters) · Mentions of the members of other groups (later chapters) · No one is straight, beware · Each chapter will include its own individual warnings. Chapters marked as M (Mature) either include highly detailed violence, or smut.

Chapter Warnings: weapons. Word Count: ~6k | AO3

Due to all the abovementioned warnings, this story is intended for a 18+ audience only. Minors do not interact. ✰This chapter has been reworked as of 16/08/2023

Previous Chapter: Day 82. | Series Masterlist. | Next Chapter: Day 91.

Author’s Note: 👀

Disclaimer: the story presented in this work does not represent Stray Kids in any way; anything described in this story and all actions performed by the characters are purely fictional, this was created just for good fun.

Eight days after Dall sent their message to all units, Chan and his crewmates found themselves on a giant planet practically on the other side of the galaxy.

The terrain was made out of rocky formations, with a few sparse patches of greenery, and it was seemingly completely void of life. Following the exact coordinates from Dall’s message, the Big Bad Wolf circled a mountain. Considering how well concealed it was, the crack on the side of it was surely only perceptible to those who were actually looking for it.

Chan expertly steered the ship through the trees and into the mountain. The hidden hole was lined with metal slabs, stretching for many metres until they finally reached a hangar. There were some people already filtering out from the handful of ships stationed there while the Big Bad Wolf made its landing. Chan recognised a few of the parked vessels, some of them belonged to units they had collaborated with in the past, or to members of the Alliance they had simply met in passing.

The crew inside the Big Bad Wolf was engaged in animated conversation, trying to guess who would be coming or what could possibly be discussed today. Some of them were already unbuckling their safety belts as Chan and Changbin pressed buttons on the main console to finish the ship’s landing process.

“Wow, shit–” Chan’s hand flew to his head, and he clutched his hair lightly as the sudden noise reverberating in his skull shocked his senses.

It had been around a month since he last heard it. In fact, he was convinced the sound wouldn’t come back, that it had probably been a product of their crash-landing in Lira Le, and he had now healed completely. Apparently, that wasn’t the case, considering now–as he shook his head slightly–he started to hear that odd hum in his ears again.

“You okay, dude?” Changbin was clearly worried by the tone of his voice, not like Chan could see him, since he had shut his eyes tightly at the sudden intrusion in his brain.

“Y–yeah. Just a bit lightheaded all of a sudden”, Chan dared not speak about the hum. He worried sometimes that he’d truly damaged his head beyond repair, which could possibly render him useless as a pilot. Although, being honest, he was able to perform this task flawlessly still to this day.

Even if it was unexpected, he couldn’t help but feel weirdly comforted by the familiar sound resonating deep within him once again.

Chan dismissed any further questioning from his friend, years of hiding his worries and concerns had given him enough experience to dance around the situation almost perfectly. Changbin dropped the subject almost immediately, and he secured all brakes and levers in their right place, so the group could finally make their way out of the Big Bad Wolf.

There was a pleasant air of friendliness in the hangar, Chan saw a lot of familiar faces, and enthusiastic hugs and handshakes were exchanged as everyone greeted each other. He decided to put up his best I’m Fine Everything’s Fine face when he addressed people, while his friends thankfully did most of the heavy lifting, and carried most of the conversations.

Truth was, Chan’s mood had hardly improved in the past eight days. Sure, he was no longer actively cranky, but he felt defeated, almost empty. He discovered that the Queen was exceptional at keeping her word, since she hadn’t called him again during this time, giving Chan the space he had asked for.

He regretted it.

Radio silence was much, much worse than a few unanswered calls. At this point, he truly no longer cared about it at all. Sure, he was no longer hung up on uncertainties, but he wanted to know how she was, what she had eaten for dinner, if she was sleeping well, how Freyja was… He just wanted to hear her voice, and that longing in itself certainly hurt the most.

Admittedly, Chan could’ve called as well, but every time he laid his palm over the stone-comm on his chest the words just wouldn’t come out, he was genuinely unsure of what to say to her.

In any case, he had to push his romantic sorrows aside to properly focus on the task at hand.

None of them knew exactly what to expect from this meeting, so every member of his team came prepared for any possible scenario. Blaster pistols and zapper guns were strapped to their belts, and an assortment of cold weapons had been strategically hidden under their clothes. Minho even brought his blaster rifle, the thing was almost half his size, and strapped to his back.

In a last minute decision, Chan had even wrapped the enchanted ribbons around his limbs before getting dressed earlier today, just in case he had to partake in any physical altercation. To this day, the soft fabric still made him feel like the Queen was right there, which he wasn’t sure made things better or worse for him.

A wild thought crossed Chan’s mind suddenly while his crewmates and another unit they’d worked with in the past walked from the hangar’s exit to the main hall. His eyes wandered, scanning people’s faces the closer they got to their destination. The Queen was as much a member of the Alliance as they were… Would she have briefly left Lira Le to attend the meeting?

The chances were slim, but that tiny, tiny possibility shook him to his very core…

What unit did the Queen belong to, anyway? It wasn’t that common for people to work on their own in the Alliance, so there was a high chance that some people here might work with her. Dev seemed to be in on the Alliance, too, so they both surely worked in the same team… It wasn’t something he could ask around about, though, so he decided to drop the thought altogether, trying to focus on what the person next to him was telling him.

“I must say, it looks nice”, Hongjoong gestured to Chan’s head.

Hongjoong was the leader of the ATZ unit, he and Chan had worked together many, many times. Their units had successfully carried out some of their riskier missions together–bring down an entire slave ring that connected three different adjacent planets, take down the guard ports stationed in the twenty moons of one of the biggest planets in the galaxy, to name a couple…

Hongjoong had a similar philosophy when it came to leading, his role as captain was reserved mostly for when they were on a ship or on a mission. Just like Chan, he took his crewmates’ opinions into account, and regarded them with as much respect as they deserved, so he and Chan naturally worked well together.

Chan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. Felix had attempted to fix his hair when Chan had trusted him again. He really tried his best, but the result was a little more than questionable… The top of Chan’s head was still fire-red, while the sides had turned black. If he’d looked like a chicken before, he was a full-on rooster now, and he was trying his best to ignore it.

“I don’t even wanna talk about it”, Chan grumbled. “At least your two-toned hair makes sense”, he gestured to Hongjoong’s head.

The man’s hair was parted in the middle, one half was black, while the other was white. Chan’s comment made Hongjoong chuckle softly. He genuinely looked really cool, and Chan couldn’t help but feel the tiniest bit jealous… But he’d live. The state of his hair was absolutely insignificant when compared to what they were here to do.

The main hall of the facility was spacious, it could surely harbour a few hundreds of people. Numerous metal containers were scattered around the place, some stacked high up to five containers at a time, while others simply lined the walls in neat rows. By the time Chan, his friends, and Hongjoong’s entire unit entered the hall, many Alliance units were already there, mingling and conversing with one another.

As Chan and his crew greeted another unit they had collaborated with, he saw someone in his peripheral vision walk past him and abruptly stop in their tracks. He could feel the person staring, almost like their eyes were burning a hole into his body when they eyed him up and down. Chan simply stared back, puzzled at the sudden attention. He vaguely recognised the person as a man he’d heard speak a few times in their last Alliance meeting–Yong, if he recalled the name correctly.

The man shook his head slightly, disregarding Chan’s attempts to get his attention completely as he turned around and walked away, getting lost in the sea of people filtering into the hall. Chan decided to not think too deeply about it. Maybe the guy recognised him from back then, too, or maybe he had confused Chan with someone else.

The hall was steadily getting more and more packed. In no time, hundreds of rebel units had filled the space a fair amount. After around thirty minutes, a loud whistle ceased all conversations, and Chan was sure he would’ve been able to hear a pin drop with how quiet it suddenly was.

Everyone turned to the source of the sound. It was Yong, who stood on top of a few stacked metal crates. The height surely gave him a good view of everyone in the room, as well as made it easier for people to see him.

“Some of you might remember me, but for those that don’t, or haven’t met me before, my name’s Yong”, he scanned people’s faces for a moment, deep in thought. Once everyone’s attention was on him, he took a deep breath and spoke again.

“I’m a member of Dall’s unit, and you’re currently standing on our base”.

Gasps were heard around the room. Chan was genuinely surprised, evident in the way his eyebrows rose high on his face. No one had met anyone close to Dall–not that they were aware of, at least.

The unexpected confession felt meaningful, something really serious was happening for Dall’s unit to be coming out of the shadows, and he was unsure of what to expect. Everyone around him clearly had similar thoughts, since several people exchanged worried looks.

“First of all, thank you for coming. We truly appreciate you just being here at this time”, Yong spoke, steadily and confidently. “We have gathered you all here today to discuss the topic of the enhanced weapons we were developing to use against the Charmer’s mutated creatures”.

“We have successfully enhanced many different types of weapons, blasters, daggers, spears, lightsabers, you name it”, Yong explained. “They have proven to be highly effective, so we’ve been working on a plan to inflict a direct blow on the Charmer and his kin. It’s going to be dangerous, possibly deadly, just like it always is. Once again, we ask you to make a choice, whether you wish to stay here and assist with the plan, or whether you wish to leave”.

Yong scanned people’s faces as murmurs grew among the crowd. Murmurs turned to whispers, whispers to a regular tone, which eventually evolved into pure chaos as people grew antsier. Screams and shouts resonated all around when people started voicing their opinions.

“Why isn’t Dall here relaying the information directly?” Someone shouted from the sides.

“Dall’s not–” Yong started, but he was immediately interrupted by someone else.

“We’re always risking our lives, but what’s Dall doing? Why haven’t they shown their face?” Someone pressed.

Chan was honestly not surprised at the outburst. Even if he didn’t agree, if he was sure knowing who or what Dall was didn’t matter at all, he could understand why people wanted to have some sort of reassurance by seeing their leader’s face. Especially now, since the plan clearly involved an offensive strategy. It was pretty difficult to track the enemy anyway, so the Alliance had always mostly acted in defence, not actively seeking the Charmer or his minions, but rather going to those places that had already been attacked so they could take them back.

Yong had clearly lost the crowd as people’s demands grew louder, the man’s face contorted in slight annoyance when he sighed. Another whistle resonated in the space, and people shut up for the attention to be back on Yong.

“Listen, I understand you want to see them, know who they are, but that’s just not possible. The fact that Dall has remained anonymous all this time is not because they wanted to be, but because they had to”, Yong was clearly a good spokesperson, his tone was completely even, and his eyes were full of confidence. He seemed to be completely unfazed as he addressed the hundreds of pairs of eyes staring at him, but some people were too riled up to relent.

“We never attack directly! If we’re going to risk our lives we deserve to know. We should meet them”, someone shouted from behind the crowd.

Yong looked at them briefly, but then his eyes scanned the crowd as murmurs picked up once more. After a few moments of thinking, he sighed. “Okay, fair enough. Give me some time and I’ll get back to you on that request”.

He swiftly jumped from the tall stack of crates. Upon landing, a blinding light flashed abruptly, and his form disappeared in the blink of an eye, leaving everyone slightly confused.

Soon enough, voices grew louder when people started to discuss the topic at hand, some people even argued against each other on whether or not meeting Dall was important. Even if Chan understood people’s reasoning and desires to know the face they had followed for this long, it slightly aggravated him that some people would even suggest to quit the cause over this. To him, it was almost as if all they’d done to this point meant nothing to them.

Chan’s crew was discussing the topic with Hongjoong’s, most of them clearly wanted to know who Dall was, but they all agreed it wasn’t something that would particularly influence their willingness to participate anyway. Chan wasn’t really taking part in the conversation, his eyes were looking at nothing in particular when he felt someone’s hand on his shoulder.

“Chris”, it was Felix, leaning towards Chan from behind, whispering. “Yong’s a warlock. There’s a lot of magic around us right now”.

Chan turned to his friend and shrugged. He wouldn’t be surprised if there were many warlocks and witches here, just like he wouldn’t be if there were hybrids, androids, or people from all sorts of species. He truly didn’t care, all he cared about was this plan of theirs and how they could assist. People’s need for gossip on the matter wasn’t something that interested him in the slightest.

A sudden whistle brought everyone’s attention back to the stacked crates, to Yong once again standing in front of the crowd.

“Like I said, Dall’s anonymity is of great importance to the cause. However, we can reach a compromise. They have agreed to meet the leaders of five units face to face”, Yong announced, voice level, if only a little stern.

Mumbling broke free in the hall, and people started whispering to each other.

“I’ll go around collecting the five of you, and explain the conditions after. Regardless of who’s chosen, the rest must agree to accept these five leaders’ assessment. Understood? Or does anyone have any objections to this?” After a few minutes of whispers and discussions, no one objected.

People reasoned that some of them meeting the person–or thing, or people…–was better than no one doing it, so Yong jumped from the crate to the floor, and started moving along the numerous units.

Chan froze a little. Would he be one of the chosen ones? He saw Yong shuffle between units, briefly addressing their leaders before he moved to the next. Surely he wouldn’t be, why would he? Sure, their unit had carried out a great number of successful missions, but there were way more prepared unit leaders out there. There was no reason for them to want to–

“Chan”, Yong nodded to him, and Chan’s eyes went wide in surprise. Minho pushed on his shoulder slightly, urging him to follow the man.

Chan fell into step next to Hongjoong, who’d been selected as well, and they just followed Yong’s lead. They were led into an adjacent corridor, the automatic door shut closed as soon as all six of them stepped into the threshold, leaving the incessant murmurs in the hall behind them.

Chan could finally see exactly who had been chosen, they were all people he knew and had worked with in joined missions before. Aside from Hongjoong and himself, there was also Joohyun, Junmyeon, and Yongsun. In Chan’s opinion, they were all respectable leaders who–from what he had heard and experienced himself–had contributed a lot to the cause.

The silence was deafening in the corridor, and the five leaders stood in a semi circle as Yong looked at them for a moment. With a sigh, he started talking. “Dall has asked for the five of you as you’ve contributed a great deal to the Alliance, and they trust you and your judgement. You will meet Dall, but you must promise you won’t speak about them. It is detrimental to the Alliance’s success that their identity remains anonymous until the very end”.

Joohyun scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “How can we confirm to the rest that they are to be trusted if we don’t speak about them?”

Yong gave her an exasperated look. “What I mean is… Dall must remain an entity. Genderless, ageless, faceless. Were the Charmer and his minions to discover their identity, all these years of fighting would’ve been for nothing. You must not give details to anyone, not even to your crewmates”.

He gave them all a pointed look. No one else said anything else, so he continued. “If you don’t agree with this, you can still walk out. Just know that, after you speak to them, should their identity be leaked, we’d know it was one of you”, there was a slight edge to his voice. Yong didn’t want to go through with this, it was clear in the way he stressed his words, in the looks he gave the five of them.

Junmyeon looked at the group, and took in each of their faces before he spoke. “I’m willing to keep the secret”.

Hongjoong and Chan looked at each other briefly, the younger leader offered Chan a minute shrug, followed by a nod.

“Us too”, Chan meant it. He had too much respect towards Dall’s cause, so he would take the secret to his grave if he had to. He wasn’t about to throw away years of hard work, of risking their lives, and of immeasurable trauma, just over a few words of gossip

“Me too”, Yongsun said confidently, cracking her knuckles.

The five of them looked at Joohyun, who was looking at Yong intently. Finally, with a sigh, she gave her answer. “Me too”.

Yong led them through corridor after corridor, the air got colder the deeper they went into the facility, but it wasn’t particularly unpleasant.

After a few minutes of walking within this specific corridor, Yong stopped in front of a door. He turned to look at the group of expectant unit leaders, and his eyes scanned each and every one of their faces. With a final defeated sigh, he turned back to the door, and knocked softly on it.

The room on the other side of the door was spacious, numerous pictures and papers were stuck with drawing pins to the cork lining the walls. In the very centre of the room sat a table, with around ten people surrounding it. A map of the current planet they were on was spread out in the middle, with wooden figures resting on top of it to represent important landmarks. A holographic map of the galaxy floated above their heads, where all the Charmer invaded planets were coloured green for easier recognition, while all the planets they had already taken back were coloured purple.

It was all impressive in a way, how everything in the room held a piece of the Alliance’s history… Yet, Chan couldn’t focus on any of it, his body was suddenly frozen in place as he stared towards the table, paralysed the moment his eyes found familiar ones that were now staring right back at him.

She was there.

The Queen was there, and she was looking right at him. Her gaze was loaded, and an almost apologetic smile spread on her lips as she regarded him with the tiniest shrug of her shoulders. He was too stunned to move, much less to speak, or even hear. The only sound he could register was that incessant hum making its home in every crevice of his brain.

She moved. Oh Gods, she was moving… But Chan couldn’t move, his eyes simply followed her as she came from behind the table and stood in front of the five leaders by the door. As soon as she was there, a defeated looking Yong moved to stand right behind her.

“Hello, everyone. I’m Dall. Or more accurately, I’m the one who created the idea of Dall”, she said it so nonchalantly, as if she hadn’t just kick-started a million different thoughts and memories within Chan. There are things you still don’t know about me. Things I wish I could tell you, but I can’t without putting a lot of people and you at risk, her haunting words played back in his mind while he stared at her, and he almost wanted to laugh.

Hongjoong spoke next to Chan. What did he say? Chan didn’t hear it, the hum in his ears was too loud, and his eyes were too focused scanning every feature of the Queen’s face, even when she was no longer looking at him. His gaze trailed down to her neck, where he found a thin leather choker hugging it comfortably, with a blue stone hanging from it. A matching stone to the one that rested against his skin under his shirt.

Chan felt a nudge on his side, and his head snapped towards the movement to find Hongjoong’s wide eyes looking at him. “Uh…” He couldn’t produce any sounds, his mind was suddenly blank, incapable of coming up with any word he’d ever known in any of the languages he spoke.

“I was telling, uh, Dall? your name”, Hongjoong’s hand came to rest on Chan’s shoulder, and he shook Chan slightly.

The chuckle in front of him brought Chan’s attention back to the Queen, who was turning the rings on the fingers of her left hand with the fingers of the other. It was an action that was so fundamentally her that for a brief moment he wondered if he was going to pass out.

“You guys don’t need to introduce yourselves to me. I know who each one of you are”, she was genuine in her statement, which didn’t surprise Chan in the slightest, she could very well know who everyone in the Alliance was. However, he couldn’t help but think ‘Of course you know who I am. I’ve had my tongue down your throat…’

“I know it might be a bit shocking to see my face and hear my voice after so many years of anonymity. I’m sure Yong has told you, but it is very important that no one knows who I am”, she looked Chan dead in the eyes as she said it, which almost made him scoff. Even in his stunned state, he wouldn’t have dared out her–not as Queen, not as Dall. “Come to the table, we must talk about the plan”.

Her Majesty made her way back to her original spot by the middle of the table, and Yong stood at her right side. The leaders followed them, Hongjoong pulled Chan by the elbow with a huff of ‘What’s gotten into you’ so they could stand on the opposite side of the table.

The people around the table were all dressed in a similar fashion–Her Majesty included. Long sleeved, dark cotton shirts and trousers, with an assortment of straps over their bodies that held currently empty holsters in place. Chan noticed the familiar face on the Queen’s left side. Kul, the man he’d seen appear from thin air back in Lira Le ages ago.

Even among the rumble inside his head, curiosity bubbled over within him, and it seemed like a lightbulb had lit up in his mind. Was this Dall’s unit? The Liralean Queen’s Guard? Absurd. Ludicrous.

All this time, when Chan chatted with Dall, he’d really been communicating with her. The Queen of Lira Le had been the one to guide them numerous times into safety, the who’d led them to free so many enslaved civilians, to take back so many planets… Unidentifiable emotions brewed within Chan, but this wasn’t the time to dissect them.

“I would like first to thank you all for your continuous support. It’s been a dangerous road, but you have all pushed through, and I am truly, truly thankful”, she placed a hand over her heart and bowed her head. “Now, to more pressing matters… Thanks to you, we’ve been able to identify what the Charmer has been looking for all this time”.

Everyone’s breaths caught in their throat. Any guesses as to what the Charmer’s motives were until now, were just that, guesses. Her Majesty took a deep breath, and continued. “We all know the Charmer uses dark magic to seize planets and void them of their resources. However, usurping planets has never been his goal, it’s just something he does to fuel the specific type of dark magic he uses…”

Her eyes scanned each of their faces. “None of you have magic, so you don’t know. But that level of magic isn’t something you can typically achieve naturally”.

Yongsun raised her hand then, speaking once the Queen nodded her way. “I’m sorry, but isn’t all dark magic bad? Why does it matter which type of magic he’s using?”

Her Majesty chuckled. “No, not all dark magic is bad. I harbour dark magic as well, and I don’t travel across the galaxy straight up murdering innocent people, do I?” The confession made Yongsun recoil a bit. Chan wondered briefly, if he’d been in this room before he’d met the Queen, would’ve he had the same outdated notions Yongsun did?

“What you need to know is that his magic is artificially enhanced by all the despair and destruction he causes”, the Queen offered. “When magic is enhanced that way, it’s powerful, yes. But also very unreliable”.

Her Majesty pulled a piece of paper from the side of the table to the middle, facing the five leaders. Chan’s eyes widened in surprise at the words scribbled on the paper, they were the same ones he himself had retrieved from the Charmer’s base, the ones that got him stranded in Lira Le in the first place.

“You might recognise this”, she addressed Chan, and his gaze snapped up from the paper on the table to her eyes. “This is what the Charmer’s truly looking for”.

“Uh… I’m sorry, but”, Hongjoong’s tone was unsure, and Chan honestly couldn’t blame him. “These words make no sense”.

“To you”, the Queen chuckled. “He’s looking for a way to make his power permanent. He’s seeking the Shadows”, Kul visibly tensed next to the Queen at her words. “While he destroys planets and enslaves people, he’s also looking for the Shadows, which is a power known among magic wielders to be granted by bathing in a very specific spring”.

“Are you sure about this?” Junmyeon’s eyes met hers confidently. “It sounds a bit–”

“I’m sure. All magic wielders in this room are”, Her Majesty’s words left no room for argument. Junmyeon was slightly taken aback, but he still nodded, and his gaze moved from her to look at the people around her, clearly understanding.

“Which brings us to the plan…” She took the piece of paper with the cryptic words written on it, and placed it in her back pocket. “We’re going to bait him into thinking the spring is on this planet, and when he comes, we’ll ambush”.

“What?!” Joohyun was clearly panicking at the mere thought. “You’re thinking of fighting him?! Face to face?! That’s crazy”.

Chan winced slightly at her words, and his gaze found the Queen as she looked at Joohyun. Her face was impassive, but there was fire in her eyes, it burned so brightly there was no way he wouldn’t have noticed it.

“All this”, Her Majesty gestured to the detailed hologram of the galaxy above them. “All we’ve done as the Alliance has brought us to this moment. There’s no more time left, we can’t let the Charmer continue with this slaughter. He must be stopped now, and he will be stopped”, her voice was firm, confident. “My unit will stay here and fight. You guys must make your own decision. If you wish to stay here with us, we’ll welcome you. If you wish to leave and return to your own base of operations, we’ll respect your decision. We’ve never forced you to do anything, and we never will. Regardless of what you choose, we will be here, and we will stop him”.

Her determination flowed in waves out of her, highlighted by her ten guards who stood proud and poised at her sides. That fire in her eyes was contagious, and Chan felt courage pour right into him from her words.

“What’s your plan, then?” Chan had been stunned to speak for so long that his own voice out loud surprised him. Her Majesty’s head snapped back from Joohyun to look at him, the determination in her eyes was now mingling with another indecipherable emotion while she looked at him, while she gave him her undivided attention. “Should we decide to stay back and fight, what’s the plan?”

The Queen stared back at him, her eyes pierced right through his physical form and into his soul, reaching those secluded areas deep within him. After a few moments of silence, and after taking a deep breath, she spoke again. “We’ve got an insider. The insider will plant the information in two days time that the spring is located here… Tomorrow, I’ll set off on one final mission, by the time I come back he should already be here, and that’s when we’ll strike”.

Chan hummed, holding her gaze.

Junmyeon cleared his throat, but the Queen didn’t look away from Chan’s eyes while the man spoke. “What are our resources? Should we stay, of course”.

The Queen–albeit rather reluctantly–broke eye contact with Chan, and looked at Junmyeon instead. “There are plenty of enhanced weapons and rations in this base… Also, we’ve got some of the most skilled magic wielders in the galaxy here, and a handful more coming. If there’s a chance, then it’s here with us”, she gestured to her guards at her sides.

“We also chose this planet because it’s big. There’s hardly any fauna and the only people inhabiting it live on the other side of the planet, so if things derail, hopefully no civilians will be harmed”, she added. “Let all units know of the plan–being mindful of keeping my identity out of the report, of course–and make sure you all make an informed decision. Further details will be shared once we know who’s in and who’s out”.

The leaders exchanged looks. All of them except for Chan, whose eyes were now focused solely on the Queen’s.

In a way, he knew what his unit would do, he could already picture his friends’ faces as they all urged to stay here, to stand up and fight, but he still needed to discuss it with them. Even if he was sure of it, there was always a slight chance that one of them decided to back out.

As for himself, staring right back into her eyes, and regardless of what his friends decided, there was no doubt in his mind of his own decision.

Chaos erupted in the main hall the moment the five unit leaders came out from the adjacent corridor. The five of them had a brief conversation before coming back there, they decided in unison that–after meeting her–they all trusted ‘Dall’, and came up with a way to relay the news to everyone. So, Junmyeon stood tall among the chaos, and with his stern shush everyone went quiet.

He started to explain Dall’s plan. As promised, the pronouns used to refer to her remained neutral. A wave of whispers crossed the hall, and Joohyun clapped loudly to bring back the attention to the five of them.

Junmyeon continued, informing everyone that in two days time, the Charmer will be tipped into coming to this planet, and that, as soon as he arrived, the Alliance would attack. Lastly, he let everyone know that weapons and rations were available already for those that decided to stay back and fight alongside Dall and their unit.

Another wave of whispers started, but this time, none of the leaders stopped it. Instead, they nodded to each other and each one returned to their respective units. Even if Chan was still shaken up by Her Majesty’s unexpected presence–and her even more unexpected revelation–he put up his best Leader Façade and walked towards his friends.

“Of course we’ll stay. We’re staying, right?” Jisung’s words rushed out of his mouth, and a dangerous mix of anxiety and determination coated his voice.

“I’m staying”, Chan said confidently. “But I won’t make you guys stay. If any of you want to back out, now’s the time”.

Changbin huffed. “I’m staying, too. If I’m dying, at least I’ll do it next to you guys”.

Jeongin and Seungmin exchanged a look, and stared at each other for a few moments, clearly unsure. Chan couldn’t blame them if they decided to leave. Even if he knew they were more than capable of defending themselves, they were usually the two staying back as trackers on all their missions, so this would be unfamiliar territory for them.

Jeongin shrugged. “I’m staying”, he said confidently, which made Chan’s heart swell in his chest.

“Me too”, Seungmin added right after.

Felix looked at Chan, and he stared right back. They had been together for years, longer than they had been with the others. They fled their home planet together, and they built their team together, so Chan already knew his choice the second a smirk crept onto Felix’s face, “I’m staying, too”.

Minho slung an arm around Hyunjin’s shoulders, and shook him back and forth slightly. “What’re we gonna do, Hyunjin? Are we gonna leave our friends alone?”

Hyunjin huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Of course not”.

Chan felt warm. The feeling encompassed every fibre of his being as the group came together in a circle with their heads pressed together. “I’m proud of you. Of us”, he ruffled Jeongin’s and Seungmin’s hair since they were the ones standing at each side of him. “Whatever happens, know that it’s been a pleasure rebelling with you”.

Chatter broke among the units, members mingled with one another as people discussed their decision, their next steps, and so on. It was all amicable. No one batted an eye when someone decided to leave, no one particularly cheered when someone decided to stay. They could all recognise the situation was complex, so there was no judgement rolling between them.

With food in their stomachs and their spirits lifted, Chan took his friends towards their assigned quarters. There were too many people today at the base, Yong had told them earlier. They could only have four rooms assigned to their unit, but that might change tomorrow when everyone had made up their minds on whether they’d stay or not. So, they divided into pairs with a fair game of rock, paper, scissors.

As he settled in his shared quarters, Chan’s mind couldn’t help but wander. The stone-comm hanging from his neck felt ten times heavier than usual, and the cool surface against the bare skin of his chest was almost tempting him. Should he call the Queen? But if he did, what would he say? He wasn’t sure. All the feelings that had been stirred inside him earlier remained untouched deep within his heart.

He made his way to the adjacent bathroom. Once inside, he stood in front of the sink and splashed some cold water on his face, pondering. How was he feeling, truly? Was he mad? Was he relieved? Chan couldn’t tell, and he had a feeling that talking to the Queen face to face would be the only way he could clear his doubts, preferably in a setting where he didn’t have to pretend he didn’t know her, like his own hands hadn’t touched her bare skin, like he didn’t know the happy sounds she made when she was eating something she liked, like he didn’t lov–

“I think I’m going to Seungmin and Changbin’s room. They said we could play cards”, Jeongin’s voice brought Chan back from his thoughts, rather violently, like he’d forgotten Jeongin was there in the first place. He stared at the younger man with wide eyes, frozen at the entrance of the bathroom.

“You okay?” Worry laced Jeongin’s words while he looked at his captain’s face.

“I’m…” Chan looked at Jeongin for a moment, and eventually forced out a laugh. “I’m alright, just a lot of things on my mind”.

Jeongin hummed. “You wanna come?”

Chan fully stepped out of the bathroom, and started to take out the cold weapons he’d hidden under his clothes so he could drop them on the desk by his bed. “Where?”

“To play cards? At Seungmin and Changbin’s? Like I just told you two seconds ago?” Jeongin’s eyes narrowed, squinting at Chan.

“Ah, no”, Chan waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t look at me like that, I’m just tired. I just… need to be by myself for a while”, he was honest, so his friend clearly didn’t feel the need to question him any further.

“Alright… But if you do feel like having some company, you know where we’ll be”, a genuine smile crossed Jeongin’s features, just before he stepped out of the room, and the sliding door closed quietly behind him.

Chan let out a tired sigh, plopping himself on his bed, with his feet hanging from the edge since he was too lazy to remove his boots. Flinging an arm over his eyes, he laid there in silence. Or, in partial silence, since noise and unintelligible thoughts roamed freely in his mind, accompanied by the familiar humming in his ears

He didn’t think he was necessarily upset, really. He mostly felt… confused. But, at the same time, a lot of things started to make sense to him. Her random disappearances, her hesitancy whenever they spoke about the Alliance or Dall…

An incredulous laugh bubbled over from his lips when he realised that her five day trip months ago when he was still in Lira Le was probably just her going with her guards to rescue Jaebum’s unit members from their captors. It was… a lot to think about.

Chris…

His body jolted at the Queen’s voice suddenly making its way into his noisy thoughts. The usual feeling of excitement he felt whenever he heard her was now mixed with something else. Sadness? Joy? Nervousness? He didn’t know what that something was, but that didn’t stop him from laying his palm flat on his chest, right on top of the stone-comm resting under his shirt.

“Tell me”, his tone was level, but his heart felt like it was about to leap out of his chest.

Should you wish to talk… I’m on the third floor of the facility. There’s a room in the corridor that’s right past the wall clock… You can find me here.

Author’s Note x2: i know it was like, super obvious hahha but if you're reading this, let me hear your thoughts! did you guess Dall's identity? Do you think Chan will go talk to her in private? If so, how do you think that confrontation's gonna go? Let me know, i'm curious~

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