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#i can feel my cholesterol rising just looking at this
recovering-redditor · 9 months
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Assuming this is the 70 horrible questions one:
What are you craving right now?
Boring answer, sorry (that’s the horrible part): nothing at all. I just sat down with a glass of homemade eggnog, so I’m having a great time.
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fang-toothed · 7 months
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I’m going to talk about “passing” (as the opposite sex), because it feels like there are not many neutral and comprehensive explanations of the truth of it.
During my 3 years of identifying as trans, I was told that I could pass completely as male with hormones and top surgery (mastectomy). I looked through a subreddit where trans-identified people posted pics of themselves to see if they “passed” and I gave the most affirmative answers I could. The trans women, I noticed, even back then, always got much more positive comments than trans men, and also seemed much more confident that they themselves “passed,” even though the visible evidence seemed to show the opposite.
2 out of 3 of the trans women I know I “clocked” (could tell they were male) at first glance. Both had long or longish hair, wore (what is considered to be) women’s clothing, and both seemed to be on HRT (had breast development). The 3rd took me about 15 minutes to figure out. I clocked one TIF straight away, though this person wasn’t on artificial hormones and had an obviously female voice. The other had a beard, was obviously on testosterone, and had the “camp” voice gay men (and straight TIFs) tend to have. It took me five class periods to clock the latter, mainly because I never saw this person standing up through the crowded room. The moment I saw this classmate walking outside of the classroom it was very obvious this person was female. Their hips would be considered wide even for a woman, and the other TIF had nearly the exact same height (5’4”ish) and hip width. It didn’t matter how male either seemed; their hips will give them away every time.
I am not saying this out of spite. I genuinely want to help trans people realise what it took me years to realise: that they are being lied to. Sure, you’ll get shown a picture of Buck Angel or Blaire White as “proof” trans women are women and trans men are men fuck yeah, but the former is an outlier and the latter does not pass at all without makeup and strategic lighting, and even they still do not pass naked. You are being sold a lie, and people are making a lot of profit from it.
Trans women, you need to realise that having no one straight-up say “hey, you’re not a woman!” to you does not mean you pass. In real life, you probably never will. Women are instinctively scared of you and will very rarely confront you, especially since you keep making death and rape threats towards “TERFs”. HRT will make you look less masculine, but you will never experience a female level of hormones, simply because you are not female. Ovaries make most estrogen for females, which you can see below, and your hormones will never cycle the way female hormones do because you lack the uterus that controls them. You will never experience menopause. Your body never stops being male. If you are told contrary, you are being lied to.
Trans men, you need to realise that while you do have a chance of passing with hormones, surgery, and clothing on, your health will ALWAYS suffer if you do so. Testosterone HRT causes vaginal dryness, atrophy, and pelvic/clitoral pain directly from the overabundance of testosterone. You will likely gain weight, potentially even developing type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, and heart problems from a rise in cholesterol. You will go into early menopause after 12 months of no periods, and have the negative health effects that come with it. Healthy levels of estrogen and testosterone (yes, it is present in all female bodies) do a lot for the body; just look at the source above. There is no possible way for you to pass as male without your body suffering as a result.
Hate me and call me a TERF all you like, but I am telling you the truth. You HAVE to stop relying on word of mouth for information about transitioning medically. I would honestly prefer you to keep identifying as trans and keep doing TRA activism and NOT take HRT/get unnecessary surgery than readily admit you are not the gender you identify as and still take/get them. I am a sympathetic person and I hate unnecessary pain, even from my political “rivals” (I do not consider you rivals). I do not and will never hate trans people. Please just ask yourselves why looking at the other side’s materials is fine for Conservative, Nazi, whatever movement, because their arguments are ridiculous and based on selfish interests that are easy to see, EXCEPT gender-critical material, which is supposedly just as foolish. It is never a sin to educate yourself, despite what certain movements and religions will tell you.
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nochuelinha · 6 months
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Your Eyes - Chapter 3: Awareness
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It was Friday night; Dina and I ordered pizza for dinner. We were already in our pajamas, watching a romantic comedy on TV. Suddenly, furious knocks on the door made me jump off the couch. I looked at Dina, who stared at me, puzzled. I went to the door and opened it. It was Ellie, and she seemed furious, like a caged animal.
Seeing Ellie's agitated state, my heart raced with concern. Her expression was so intense that it immediately made me tense. "Ellie, what happened? Are you okay?" I asked, trying to understand the reason for her distress. She took a few deep breaths before speaking, as if trying to calm herself down. Dina came over and wrapped her arm around Ellie's back.
"She was there, insinuating herself, nothing new," she said sarcastically, "but fuck, did it have to be with Abby?" I wasn't understanding anything, but Dina seemed to grasp the situation. "I didn't go after her, you know," Ellie continued, "I was just selling. It's my damn job." Selling? Was it what I was thinking? I paused to analyze the situation; thinking more calmly, Ellie had a faint characteristic smell. The pieces fell into place; this was her other job. "But she was wasted as hell. Abby was going to do something, I can feel it," she seemed increasingly disturbed.
"What did you do?" Dina exuded concern.
"I just punched her, okay? Brought Cat to my apartment and came here. I can't sleep with her there," Ellie replied. Dina sighed and flopped onto the couch.
"You need to stop getting involved in Cat's stuff. She dumped you, and you keep running to her when she needs you," Ellie seemed frustrated, but she agreed with what Dina said. I got up and went to the kitchen, prepared some chamomile tea with honey, and returned to the living room. Ellie was leaning against the sofa, staring at the ceiling. I approached her and offered her the cup. She looked at me, confused.
"To calm your nerves."
"Thank you," said Ellie, accepting the cup with a slight smile. She took a sip of the tea, seeming to appreciate the gesture. "I'm sorry for ruining the night like this," she apologized, looking at Dina, who laughed and said it was no problem at all. We continued eating pizza, and Ellie fell asleep on the sofa bed in the living room.
In the middle of the night, I got up to drink water. Ellie was in the kitchen, illuminated by the fridge light, seemingly searching for something. I went to the filter and got some water, leaning against the kitchen counter.
"What are you looking for?" Ellie turned towards me quickly, hand on her heart. I chuckled.
"You scared me, girl." She made a face that was supposed to look angry but then smiled. Her eyes lingered on my body for a moment longer, and that's when I remembered that I had taken off my pajama pants because of the heat, so I was only wearing underwear and a t-shirt. I felt the blush rise to my cheeks. "I was looking for something to eat, but it seems like there's nothing, like a burger or something," she seemed disappointed.
"I bet there's a 24-hour diner nearby," I said, and she looked at me, raising an eyebrow. "Wanna go?"
"Let's do it. I need some cholesterol to sleep better," I laughed and went to my room, put on my pajama pants, and grabbed my phone. "Oh, what a pity, I liked the other look better," I lightly slapped her arm, and we left. We found an open diner not too far away, and the cashier seemed very happy to serve us. We ordered and sat in the back. We started talking, and she said she felt stupid for creating such a scene because of Cat.
"What if every time Cat shows up for you, you send me a message? If I think you should go, you go; if I say no, you stay out of it," she looked at me skeptically. "I'll be your sober conscience not tainted by Cat," she laughed.
"That sounds like a fair deal," she replied with a smile. "I'll definitely keep you updated next time Cat shows up. And you'll be my sober conscience, huh? I hope you're ready for that," she joked. We talked about various subjects, and we didn't realize the time passing. The day broke, and we went back to Dina's apartment. She flopped onto the couch, and I went to my room.
For the next few days, Ellie sent me several messages, including some memes and such, but today she decided to contribute to our agreement.
"Cat invited me to go to a park after my shift," she wrote.
"You guys broke up months ago, don't go. Come here after your shift; let's watch something," I replied.
"Okay, I'll tell her I have other plans. I'll choose the movie," I sent a thumbs-up and went back to studying.
I met some classmates in college, one of them was Owen Moore. He was friendly and very approachable; we were even going to be partners for a project in the Artificial Intelligence class. Ellie sent me another message: "I'm going to a party tonight, probably Cat will be there, but I'm going to sell. I'll message you if anything happens. Don't be mad; you're the best conscience in the world." I sighed and chuckled at the end of the message, then followed Owen to the library where we would do our research.
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mirandamckenni1 · 6 months
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Responding to Your Criticisms of Medical Keto I've been using the medical ketogenic diet to treat my schizoaffective disorder for about 3.5 months now, and have been a little surprised at how controversial this has been. In this video, I respond to and chat about some of the concerns or criticisms that have come about from you, our audience, about this medical keto approach to treating mental illness. Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:16 Too expensive 04:25 Risk of triggering eating disorder behaviours and over focus on weight and physical appearance 08:59 "My meds are working just fine, why would I try this?" 12:04 This is just the placebo effect 13:08 It's not just keto causing this improvement 13:31 Rises in cholesterol being dangerous 14:44 We're being irresponsible 16:04 Not enough scientific or empirical evidence 17:27 We're not creating mental health content anymore, and alienating our audience 19:24 The ultimate goal 20:22 *An important insight* - fear of giving up autonomy and loss aversion 26:12 Feeling the best I ever have 27:35 Thank you for this conversation NEWLY PUBLISHED STUDY: 'Ketogenic Diet Intervention on Metabolic and Psychiatric Health in Bipolar and Schizophrenia: A Pilot Trial' (Dr. Shebani Sethi, et al) https://ift.tt/zqRfkMA MEDICAL KETO RESOURCES You can learn more about medical keto for mental illnesses on the Metabolic Mind YouTube channel (@metabolicmind) and on their website https://ift.tt/fmVrTUg You can also learn more about metabolic health and mental illness from the book 'Brain Energy' by Dr. Christopher Palmer - https://ift.tt/7IhyEKw You can find more about my keto coach Nicole Laurent and her work on her website: https://ift.tt/AFhPnbg HELP SUPPORT THE CHANNEL We depend on the support of our audience to create this valuable resource. If you have found our content helpful, please consider supporting us today. Your contribution can make a huge difference and enable us to continue providing valuable resources to those living with mental illness. • One-time donation: https://ift.tt/jhBFViZ • Monthly donation: https://ift.tt/0wiLxM7 JOIN OUR ONLINE PEER SUPPORT COMMUNITY Join a welcoming community of your peers and find comfort in sharing your experiences. By joining our community, you can benefit from the support of others who understand what you’re going through. We offer live weekly facilitated video peer support groups and text channels to communicate about a wide range of topics. Join today and start feeling less alone with what you’re going through. • Schizophrenia Peer Support Community: [https://www.schizophreniapeersupport.com](https://www.schizophreniapeersupport.com/) • General Mental Illness Peer Support Community: [https://www.onlinepeersupport.com](https://www.onlinepeersupport.com/) MENTAL HEALTH APPAREL Wear your support for mental health! Our t-shirts, sweaters, and mugs not only spread awareness but also help support this channel. Pick up some mental health apparel today and make a statement while making a difference. https://ift.tt/tGZIRK4 SPEAKING & CONSULTING Looking for an expert speaker or consultant for your upcoming event or project? With years of experience and a passion for mental health advocacy, I can provide the insight and inspiration you need to make a positive impact. Visit my speaking website to learn more! https://ift.tt/YO4S7m5 SOCIALS Instagram: https://ift.tt/E6UQnWG TikTok: https://ift.tt/liaU9nW Twitter: https://twitter.com/LWSchizophrenia Website: [https://www.livingwellwithschizophrenia.org](https://www.livingwellwithschizophrenia.org/) #schizophrenia #schizoaffective #schizoaffectivedisorder #mentalhealth #mentalillness #metabolichealth #keto #metabolichealth #criticisms #medicalketo via YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kU1ORt6ZnVE
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pablice · 10 months
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I Ate Peanut Butter Before Bed and Lost Weight - My Surprising Results
What is Peanut Butter? Peanut Butter is a popular food product made by grinding peanuts into a sticky paste. It is a favorite snack and common ingredient in many recipes. It is usually sold in jars in most grocery stores. Peanut butter has a smooth, creamy texture that can be spread on sandwiches, toast, crackers, pancakes, and other foods. It is also an ingredient in sauces, desserts, and other dishes. Peanut butter can also be added to smoothies or shakes for a creamy boost of protein and flavor. What are the Benefits of Eating Peanut Butter Before Bed? There are a variety of benefits associated with eating peanut butter before bed. Peanut butter is packed with beneficial nutrients, such as protein, healthy fats, fiber, and magnesium. Eating peanut butter before bed can help keep feelings of hunger at bay and can lead to improved sleep quality due to the slow release of energy from the protein. Eating peanut butter before bed can also help to provide a healthy snack to help satisfy cravings and nighttime hunger pangs. It is high in fiber which can help curb unhealthy cravings and provide a more filling snack for longer. Peanut butter also contains healthy fats which can help improve cholesterol levels and support healthy weight management. What are the Potential Negative Effects of Eating Peanut Butter Before Bed? Overconsumption of any food can have adverse effects on the body and lead to health issues. Eating too much peanut butter before bed can result in a rise in cholesterol, which could potentially result in heart disease or stroke. Additionally, excessive consumption of peanut butter can cause your body to absorb too many calories, leading to weight gain. Peanut butter is highly calorific, and has a relatively high-fat content. Eating too much before bed may make it more difficult to activate fat burning during sleep, thus slowing the weight-loss process or preventing a person from losing weight if that is their goal. To ensure the body does not absorb too much fat, it is best to adhere to the recommended serving sizes when having your daily snacks. What is the Nutritional Content of Peanut Butter? Peanut butter is naturally rich in nutrition and is a great source of many essential nutrients. It contains healthy fats like monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fatty acids, dietary fiber, and beneficial plant proteins. Peanut butter also contains important vitamins such as Vitamin E and B Vitamins, as well as minerals like magnesium, calcium, iron, and potassium. Additionally, peanut butter can be a good source of resveratrol, a naturally occurring antioxidant. These nutrients all help contribute to our general health, and eating peanut butter in moderation may help contribute to healthy weight management. The amino acids found in peanut butter also have satiating properties that can help prevent overeating and make us feel more full. Eating a spoonful of peanut butter before bed can be a great way to satisfy hunger and get some important nutrition without going overboard on calories and sugar. How Much Peanut Butter Should I Eat Before Bed? The amount of peanut butter one should eat before bed largely depends on individual goals. If someone is just looking to satisfy their craving for something sweet, then a tablespoon of peanut butter should suffice. On the other hand, if someone is looking for a substantial snack to help them sleep, then 2-3 tablespoons of peanut butter would be more appropriate. It is important to take into account one's dietary needs and how much additional protein or healthy fat is needed before bed. Another factor to consider when determining how much peanut butter to eat before bed is health. Generally, a serving size of 1-2 tablespoons of peanut butter is considered appropriate for adults. Eating too much peanut butter in one sitting can lead to increased calorie intake and consequently weight gain. Furthermore, eating too much peanut butter before bed can cause uncomfortable indigestion, making it harder to get a good night's rest. What Are the Different Ways to Eat Peanut Butter Before Bed? Peanut butter makes a great snack before bedtime due to its high levels of healthy fats, protein, and fiber. Eating a small amount of peanut butter before bed can help stabilize blood sugar levels and promote satiety and better overall sleep quality. While eating peanut butter straight out of the jar is an option, there are some delicious and interesting ways to add peanut butter to your bedtime snack. For a delicious snack, spread several teaspoons of peanut butter onto sliced apples or celery stalks. This combination of fiber and protein can help keep you full longer as well as provide some great essential vitamins and minerals. You can also make a tasty shake by blending one scoop of peanut butter with a cup of milk, a banana, and a few ice cubes. This concoction will help keep you fuller during the night, plus it can help up your protein intake for the day. For a sweeter treat, mix peanut butter with honey and graham cracker crumbs. Spread this mixture onto a banana to enjoy! No matter which option you choose, eating peanut butter before bed can serve as a convenient and tasty way to get some extra nutrition. How Can Eating Peanut Butter Before Bed Help with Weight Loss? Eating peanut butter before bed can help with weight loss due to its high protein and fiber content. Protein is a macronutrient that helps with satiety, which is the feeling of fullness that helps you from wanting to consume more food after eating. Protein also helps with muscle building and metabolism. Fiber enhances the feeling of fullness further, letting you stay full longer, reducing cravings. Eating peanut butter before bed can also reduce your calorie intake without having to override hunger. This can be helpful for when you’re trying to watch what you eat but still want something to munch on late at night. Eating peanut butter before bed can also help mitigate the temptation for midnight snacking. Eating something with a high protein value can eliminate cravings for snacks with added sugars, keeping your diet in check while also promoting health and diet balance. What Other Dietary Changes Can Be Made to Aid Weight Loss? In order to aid in weight loss, one of the first dietary changes to be made is altering one's portion sizes. When following a diet, reducing the amount of calories one consumes per meal can greatly contribute to weight loss. It can be helpful to think of meals more in terms of side dishes rather than entrees when crafting a meal plan that helps with weight reduction goals. In addition to adjusting portion sizes, choosing more healthy options is another great way to facilitate weight loss. Incorporating more lean proteins, fruits, vegetables, and whole grains into one's diet can help decrease fat and carbohydrate intake and encourage weight loss. It is also recommended to reduce snacking and processed foods from a diet while increasing consumption of fruits, vegetables, and healthy fats. What are the benefits of a balanced diet for weight loss? Eating a balanced diet is beneficial for weight loss because it provides your body with essential nutrients and vitamins while still maintaining a low calorie intake. A balanced diet should include lean proteins, healthy fats, complex carbohydrates, and plenty of fruits and vegetables. Additionally, it is important to focus on portion control and avoiding processed and sugary foods. What are some healthy diet modifications to aid in weight loss? Making healthy diet modifications is an important step in achieving weight loss. These modifications can include eating more nutrient-dense foods such as lean proteins, whole grains, vegetables, and fruit. Additionally, avoiding processed and sugary foods can help reduce calorie intake. Finally, drinking plenty of water and getting adequate rest can also help with weight loss. What are the potential risks of unhealthy dieting? Unhealthy dieting can lead to various risks, such as nutrient deficiencies, dehydration, fatigue, and an increased risk of developing eating disorders. Additionally, unhealthy dieting can lead to nutrient deficiencies, which can cause health problems such as anemia and osteoporosis. It is important to ensure that your diet is balanced and to get the necessary nutrients from a variety of sources. 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the-firebird69 · 2 years
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Watch "Bad Company - Shooting Star - Live at Wembley" on YouTube
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There's an image of me in a museum he said and we have it early and I don't know how it's getting back there and I usually know the stuff it says cuz it being CGI I only can take your image from some bath house and modify it yes but a lot of stuff has been matching up oddly and he goes wow that's weird I said I've never seen anything like it and I do know that hermaphrodite used to do it but there's not a lot of them left so he started freaking out and that was me like that Mac daddy is speaking now. I heard they're not doing s*** and tons of people start hearing me we have to get out of this now this is going to be too much mac Daddy says
Zues
Is feeling a little better I was just not going to drown or be blown away. Let me know about faith let me tell you about faith he's with these people and they're threatening his life all the time and he has to overcome it and tell you what he has a hard time sometimes they are so really really rude the same family and Garth. He told us this song is about a period in time and BJ's life where he is actually with one of my husband's grandmoms and it's Cher and it is about the time where they go to Cuba and bja is excluded and he goes to Spain. And that's why Elton John sang the song because PGA goes there as Daniel and it's very strange because nobody can figure it out because now BGA is singing and he is the brother of Elton John and he wants to be the first Elton John and that's why he did it and they do that a lot but he's in a grave he died just the mask he's drinking whiskey that night thought it would thin his blood and move the poison and to his heart and he wanted to die and you said why don't you just let me alone and so he figured out what he's saying and said I think that face inflammation is different I said what does dude he said do you have it somewhere so you tried to find it and you look forward and you couldn't and he said well sometimes your face might get big how do you prevent it she has less cholesterol if you move it out of there you'll die I said why is it in his face she started to figure out something it's a reaction and it's coming out slowly so you beat him in the brain so she checked and it's in his skull he says it has to be drained and that's really easy it's Black and Decker I said no so you do it so he's getting drunk to drain it. So his son said there's like a oxymoron or catch 22 and it started laughing and fell asleep and didn't wake up any diet and they buried him in the Los Angeles. And they're looking at the horizon saying that this is what Chris saw and what he thinks about the area is that it's kind of hell I said you're making me feel sick that's what you thought about the area I said sometimes a lot of times I thought about families and people are getting along and people had lives in the middle of what looks like chaos and disorder they have minority friends and they have areas where they can go and have fun and eat together and their homes where they go in and they close the door and they live a private life like that and everyone's awhile it looks like that as if hell is rising I don't know why but yeah it was kind of hellacious for me at times I think that's what it is you can live in LA he says and at one point you're doing fine and then the next you're not in downtown is a big reminder she laughed and said skid row that's correct when we start thinking about it all the time it's kind of strange it's a lot more to it but that's part of it so she says this is what he thinks about it's like an area of trash and danger and a lot of people think of it that way and now I do this boy shouldn't be treated this way they do it tomorrow time suddenly she got it and she says he's supposed to be the angel that's his role instead he's kind of like compost but worse and she started to scream no and getting bit by one is symbolic, of the Macs. And she's laughing in the future saying it's typing it now this is how to save yourself you'll be okay let's go by the guidebook and there's no guide book that's why I know you have to be careful that's what it is he's smiling and laughing a little and crying and she says my little boy is calling me saying I'm probably in danger cuz he's out so I have to be careful and the ship is probably sailed. And she says it's going after the remainder of his fleet and is crushing it and it needs to be done badly and he says he's aware and we know who's here and we listen to the song now I understand something there's other stuff going on
And it was a break and she started crying and couldn't stand it and she said you're involved got off the line and ran fast too thinking that he's probably attracting them so they were possessed and it's not the same she slowed down and says cheeseman and I believe so and bid him to hit him and they're having a fight so she got it just slow down and said what are they doing I said probably a lot worse that's nowhere to run to and you need to find yours and calm down so she did but it's about BjA and these are fighting and it's ridiculous a waste of time as an a****** next door is. He's outside and he's starting to curse and yell again and needs to leave. They say they cleared out so many it's not funny but it's more to be done so asking people to step on it and we're going to get permission.
It's an upsetting story because they're saying it about my husband the whole time he was there you're saying they were going to do it to him and where he is the symbolic and a gesture and it's saying they're going to bring him back there when he goes to Utah and it's not the trumpsters it's Max and they're going to capture him and he knows about California and why and they're really saying that they're going to move him to New England and they don't he knows about that and why and it's symbolic and the symbology comes out in mad Max fury road the particular vehicle that someone looks like a racist attached to the thing no someone who's driving does but that's really Dave stager and it's symbolic okay
It's a sad story it's a sad place and my husband has been near there and you said it looks like that and it's sad because they're choking on the fumes of their prosperity they're supposed prosperity and they have lives and they have some love and they have some care for each other it's just not enough to make it work right but that's not what makes it sad it's a place of death and the cemetery is a place of full death and there he lays the guy who played his brother helped him get through school and help them get through each day and he helped him too and they're fighting him stuff but really it's a place where the max took him to use him as a symbol to try and harm our my husband and our leader and are people we do need help here we need more troops and we need people to sign on now as many as you can muster. She's in a horrible way all the time it's not doing well and people say he's okay but he really isn't there's too many people who bother him and too many people add him to help them and he can't even help himself
Hera
It's a sad place and share is usually full of so much joy and happiness and positive energy and you can see her she's shaking and she's afraid she says she's afraid because she'll be blamed I don't think that's what she's afraid of she sees it happening all over and it made me sad to think her being so sad and she's staring off at the horizon and sort of get what I think and she said it and sent it back it's a very sad place and the smog makes it look odd. It's not overly dangerous it's not a place where people die all the time it's just a place where people are let go it's a guy and it's too easily though quick, funeral and afterthought. And life goes on and Life goes on because you must California is a strange place cher says we had to spend a long time there
She adds. And will and Bill say it's a gross place and some people know it it's not massively gross a lot of people survive there but you can get picked off and just disappear and people don't see anything it's like disarray and society without as much law as there should be with the law is there. So you understand it and you're walking around and you take your chances everybody has that attitude and you also can make it big it's a feeling of loss and Gain and joy and satisfaction and fun all at the same time but mostly that type of lifestyle is repressive and it's happening here even though it usually doesn't and someone has brought it here and it's really Tommy f who not only makes it happen but makes it feel like it's happening will and Bill say now they're getting beat and we're starting to see a change I was trying to know what it is a lot more than we did and we cannot believe how deep the stuff is and how really this son of thrym is he found the problem with him a little not completely and he's solving it somehow, and the max we're just going to continue drumming until they all were gone and he did The impossible and saved his most hated enemy which it really is and stands partly to be given credit for and even the moloch changed what he was thinking because they're not as bad as someone is making them out to be and these guys turn to be really bad news these clothes are bad news they're very weird they just to eat you up okay. I felt sad when I saw the movie it's hard to keep your emotions in check when you see it and you hear what they're saying who's a great boy and he did a lot of work you have to give him credit for it he stood up for us even though at times he could hardly stand up for himself. An army of theirs came and pulled them out and saved a lot of people in Los Angeles from clones they're all over the place and it's me now Thor and my Goddess Wife Freya it's a sad time. It's about to get much worse when you figure out what he's talking about
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problemeule · 4 years
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finally fucking done with notes on the lab yeet
#eule personal#listen i gotta tell someone and all of my bad jokes that rattle around my brain while studying go to twitter#so tumblr is it#week 2 was much easier to do than week one#i gotta say looking at my deadname every fucking time i opened the lab reports didnt help matters#its a mix of first confusion and then a rising wave of yikes yikes yikes#might try to look up more details on week one if i feel like it tho#like specific incubation times & centrifugation details#still gotta recap the immune system chapter tho & also get everything from electron transfer in desaturases to cholesterol synthesis#and then amino acid ana and catabolism n nucleotide synthesis into the old brain machine#pyrimidine synthesis is easier but purines are easier to draw#also gotta recap all the stuff i do have a firmer grasp on tho#like the specifics of the electron transport in plant photosynthesis#and the enzymes in fatty acid synthesis.......#rn im mostly guessing at them? ‘oh this is the reduction step so its a reductase’ seems like an unsatisfactoy answer#ALSO KETONE BODIES OOF#i keep forgetting we even talked about them.....#and its like. 5 steps to remember for 3 of them. its not that much#u just take two acetyl coa and mash em together. add another acetyl coa to get hmg. then u get rid of one acetyl coa again to get acac#and from there u can get to either acetone or hydroxybutyrate in one step each. one is even spontaneous.#yes im rambling sorry#head full of knowledge yet barely any concious thought
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slutabed · 2 years
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everything’s so sucky today and I know it’s mostly bc my dad has covid and 1. I’m worried for him but also 2. it means I’m missing a music festival I’ve been looking forward to all year
but also everything feels so bad rn. everyone who was so proud about sharing their pandemic weight gain and being ~body pos~ is now showing off their skinny-again bodies. low cut everything is in style and celebs with publicly documented histories of eating disorders are showing off their flat tummies in low rise outfits and like. i know it’s a me problem but do better. but they’re not doing anything wrong!! everyone can dress how they want, it’s my fault I’m triggered by it
i also know I need to lose weight but I don’t even know how to do it anymore. I can’t make myself work out. if I bring healthy food to work I just don’t eat it bc it doesn’t taste good so I just don’t eat instead bc I also don’t want to be unhealthy. my cholesterol is high again and it’s making me jeff winger spiral but I also can’t do anything to break the habits that got me here in the first place
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missmentelle · 3 years
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Everyone has mental health, but not everyone has a mental ilness. It sounds really logical, but I was wondering how this influences people's lifes and the way mental health campaigns have or haven't an impact? When I hear people speaking about their mental health I often feel invalidated because it looks like everyone is doing bad. But I think it's dfiferent because of my mental ilnesses? Even if my mental health is okay, things are still not okay and I don't know, this is very unclear
To be honest, I actually think we actually make too much of a distinction between "mental illness" and "mental health" - those aren't really separate concepts, and the line between "people with diagnosed mental illnesses" and "people just experiencing general bad mental health" is not really a clear line at all.
Think about physical health. Some people have distinct, specific physical illnesses - things like type I diabetes, multiple sclerosis, cancer, Lou Gehrig's disease, lupus, or asthma. These are the sorts of illnesses where you either have them or you don't. We often aren't totally sure what causes them, and we might not have any permanent way to cure them - although we do often have therapies available that let people lead normal lives even with these diseases.
At the same time, every single one of us experiences physical health. Our physical health is on a spectrum, from "nearly perfect health" to "extremely unwell", and the state of our health will likely change throughout our lifetime. It's possible to be in general poor health without having a diagnosable illness - if you spent a few months living on junk food, drinking heavily, not sleeping properly and not getting any exercise, you would quickly start to feel absolutely awful. You might not actually develop a diagnosable illness in that time, but your health would certainly start to suffer - you might start feeling out-of-shape and out-of-breath when you tried to do physical activities, you'd probably develop digestive issues, your blood pressure and cholesterol might rise, etc.
The relationship between physical illness and physical health isn't always a simple one. Being in poor physical health can eventually cause you to develop a physical illness - if you eat poorly and don't exercise for years at a time, you can eventually develop hypertension or Type 2 diabetes. At the same time, though, having a physical illness does not automatically mean you are in poor overall health - a Type 1 diabetic who manages their condition correctly, eats well, and runs 5k every day may be in better general health than a non-diabetic person who leads a very unhealthy lifestyle. These things are complicated, and we can't always draw firm lines between "healthy" and "sick".
The same thing applies to mental health and mental illness.
Some mental illnesses are a straightforward "you have this condition or you don't" situation - this would include things like schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. We aren't always sure what causes these conditions - they likely have a strong genetic component, and sometimes it seems like they just happen to people.
At the same time, though, everyone has mental health. If you are living in stressful situations or not maintaining your mental health, you can start to experience poor mental health - you can start to have difficulty concentrating, low mood, social withdrawal, low motivation, irritability, etc. You don't necessarily have to meet the criteria for a mental illness to be in poor mental health, in the same way that you don't have to have a physical illness to be in poor physical health.
And again, the relationship between mental illness and general mental health is complicated. A person who has poor mental health for a long time might eventually be diagnosed with clinical depression or anxiety. And at the same time, having a diagnosed mental illness doesn't guarantee poor general mental health. A person with bipolar disorder who is taking their medication and managing their condition properly may be in better general mental health on a day-to-day basis than a person without a mental illness who is dealing with something stressful and not able to find healthy coping mechanisms. These things are complicated, and we can't always draw a line between "THESE people are affected by mental illness" and "THESE people aren't" - that's sort of not how mental health works.
I guess I just... don't understand how someone else's mental health struggles would invalidate yours? Multiple people can struggle at the same time, with the same thing - we don't have a quota for how many people are allowed to experience mental health problems at the same time. I think if we're going to really break down the stigma around mental health struggles, we need people to understand that mental health affects everyone, and not just the people who have been formally diagnosed with a mental illness.
There are a lot of reasons why someone might not have a formal diagnosis of a mental illness - they might not be able to afford professional mental health care. They might not feel comfortable accessing care. Their symptoms might not quite reach the threshold for a diagnosis, but still be seriously impacting their life. They might have a diagnosis but choose not to share that information. Gatekeeping who is "mentally ill enough" to count or to speak about their issues doesn't really help us make the kinds of positive change we need to make on mental health - it shuts out people who don't have the education or resources to put a formal label on their problems, and it lets other people pretend that they don't need to care about mental health because they don't have a formal metal illness and it will never happen to them. The reality is that mental health and mental illness will impact everyone in different ways, and we all benefit from hearing as many perspectives and experiences of it as possible. Everyone’s mental health experiences are valid. 
The idea of spreading more awareness about mental health and opening up discussion is not to make people compete to see who deserves to be labelled mentally ill. The idea is to normalize the fact that mental health struggles are a part of the human experience, and to make people realize that they aren't alone in dealing with this. When a lot of people go through a stressful or traumatic event - like a war, or a natural disaster, or a global pandemic that impacts every human life on earth - it's natural for there to be more people experiencing mental health struggles, and that's okay. Instead of worrying about who is "truly" mentally ill and who isn't, we should focus on learning more about mental health, pushing back against stereotypes, and making sure that supports are in place for anyone who might feel like they need them. MM
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chibinekochan · 4 years
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How to become a Demon Ruler 104
Part:    01 I 02  I 03  I
  GN. Reader insert
taglist:  @ayesha95    ;  @nomnomcupcakesworld ;  @fex-phoenix   ; @depressed-bixch ;   @kitsune-oji
  (message me if you want to be added here)
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Once again I hear a knocking sound.
This time I manage to open my eyes. "Come in." 
I fully expect it to be Barbatos. 
I slowly get up in my bed. 
Just to find the ever-smiling Diavolo in front of my bed. 
My eyes widen from the surprise. "D-Diavolo." I'm tempted to cover myself, but I'm fully dressed. 
"Hello, I apologize for interrupting your nap. Barbartos told me that you had a rough time and might not wish to see him, and I kind of forgot to give you your new phone this morning. So I volunteered to pick you up." Diavolo swiftly explains the situation. 
I feel slightly steamrolled. "I forgot about that too and I'm not mad at Barbatos. He couldn't know how weak humans are." I can only imagine how much more powerful demons are. 
Diavolo chuckles. "When I was trained I had a very difficult time. I'm sure I broke down crying the first few weeks." 
"That's pretty surprising. I can't even imagine you being sad." I wonder what that would look like. 
"I get sad too sometimes. I was hoping that you wouldn't ever get sad for as long as you are here." Diavolo has a complicated expression. 
"Why do you care about me so much?" I'm very curious about this. 
Diavolo is surprised by my question. He takes a hand to his face and thinks for a moment. Then his face lights up. "I always wanted a sibling, so I'm just really glad that finally, I got one." 
His straight answer surprises me. "You are a pretty strange one."I blurt out without much thought. 
Diavolo shrugs. "I'm just glad that you are being so open towards me."
"I should say that to you." I giggle. Diavolo makes it very easy to feel at home in such a strange place.
  Then suddenly my stomach starts to rumble, my cheeks flush with embarrassment. 
Diavolo lets out a heartfelt laugh. "Seems like it's time for lunch."
"Sure, seems like it. I should change my clothes first." Suddenly I realize that I probably stink. 
Diavolo doesn't seem to mind or care at all and just keeps casually standing in the middle of the room. "Alright, I will just wait here."
"Wait outside! " I state firmly with some force in my voice. 
Diavolo looks very troubled for a brief moment. "This must be the feeling of exclusion I have heard so much about."
  I'm unsure what to even say to this statement so I slightly glare at him. 
Diavolo sighs and leaves. He is a big puppy. At least he listened to me.
  I decide to wear something comfortable and leave my room. 
I find Diavolo texting someone. 
As soon as I open the door he smiles at me as nothing happened.
"I hope you didn't wait for too long."
"No problem, and here is the phone. Before I forget again. I assume you know how to use one?" Diavolo seems to be his usual self. What relieves me of my slight guilt. 
"Of course. Who doesn't?" I genuinely wonder and put the phone in my pocket. 
"You would be surprised." Diavolo shrugs and we head to the dining room. 
Somehow I thought they had a separate lunchroom. 
Barbatos is waiting for us. His smile is polite as always. Somehow he seems slightly off. 
Does he really think that I'm upset at him? I can't imagine that at all. 
I smile at him and sit down. Honestly, I'm starving. 
"I'm very sorry for all the pain I have caused you earlier. I intend to train you and not to break you." This must deeply concern him. 
"The training is very hard and honestly the physical training has almost killed me. I think I now have a good picture of what is considered normal around here. So I will just move on and hope that I will get strong enough to pass the king's trials. I sure hope he won't give me a physical exam at least." I made up my mind not to mull over this and just move on. My fight has only just begun. 
"I love your attitude. This is exactly why I'm glad to have you as my sibling." Diavolo nods proudly. 
"I can only agree on that and I swear with my help you will overcome every obstacle that is in your way." Barbatos seems back to normal and bows towards me.
  I feel motivated by both of them. 
Then my stomach rumbles again, causing me to blush once again. 
Especially since both men let out loud laughter.
  Barbatos seems to give me an extra big portion of everything today. 
Miraculously I finish everything, including the two extra servings of dessert. 
If the demon king won't kill me then my cholesterol will.
  I feel very satisfied when my meal is over. 
"I'm glad to see that you have such a healthy appetite. I was a bit worried about you yesterday." Diavolo has a kind look on his face. 
I feel slightly embarrassed. "Actually the amount I ate yesterday would be considered normal for human standards."
"I think your remark was pretty rude my lord," Barbatos whispers loud enough for me to over hear him. 
Diavolo seems confused and I can't even look at him right now.
"I'm just glad that you enjoy the food." Diavolo is clueless sometimes. 
"We should continue our training. We have much to do since we moved our dance lesson to later." Barbatos reminds me in a seemingly cruel way. 
"You're right. I hope to see you again later Diavolo." With a slight sigh, I get up. 
"Yes, same here. Hang in there. I have faith in you." Diavolo puts a hand on my shoulder. It almost seems like energy is flowing from his big hand into me. My cheeks flush again. 
"T-thank you." I hold the urge back to call him big brother since that feels wrong to me. I don't have a shred of familiar feelings for him. 
"I also have faith in you to finish your tasks without my help, my lord." Barbatos looks sharply at Diavolo. 
It seems to be a critical hit since Diavolo looks very desolate. I feel bad for him. 
"I will." Diavolo sounds very weak. 
Barbatos sighs just a little and then turns to me smiling, as usual. "Let's start our next lesson."
  I feel a sense of dread but follow Barbatos regardless. 
Soon I find myself in a huge library. I also spot some strange looking trinkets. 
"This is our library. We also have some items here that are helpful with magic. First, we have to see if you have any latent magic in you." Barbatos goes to one of the trinkets. It looks a bit like a big pot with some wires sticking out from it, there are also some big gemstones on it.
It's pretty gaudy and I look doubtful at it. "What does this thing do?" 
I narrow my eyes at it. 
"You simply put your hand here and then it will tell us how much magic energy you process and what element is the most prevalent in you." Barbato points to a huge gem in the center of the potlike thing. 
I somehow wonder if it will do anything but I put my hand on it anyway. 
Then I wait and Barbatos looks at it. 
  I'm about to remove my hand, due to the lack of response. 
Then suddenly the pot starts to shake and hiss. Out of reflex, my hand moves away. 
Then suddenly smoke comes from it. With terror, I look at Barbatos. "Did I break it?" 
Barbatos has a hand on his chin. "It looks like it."
  I feel panic rising. How can he be this calm? This ugly thing was probably expensive. Will he expect me to replace it? 
I stare at Barbatos, waiting for a reaction. 
"This certainly was unexpected but I guess it's to be expected that my master is extraordinary." Barbatos smiles at me. 
"So umm what does that mean?" I meekly ask. 
"Well, it means that your magic is unmeasurable. I have never experienced it myself so that can only mean that you are very special." Barbatos seems almost proud. 
"So it's a good thing that I broke it?" When I look at the still-smoking pot, I wonder if it wasn't just a fluke. 
"Well, it is certainly interesting, quite unexpected even. I'm sure lord Diavolo will be equally delighted to hear about this." He isn't ironic at all, what baffles me the most. 
This is the first time that I got praised for breaking something. 
"What does this mean for my magic training?" I silently hope that today's training will be postponed. 
"It means that we start at the basics and go from there." Barbatos doesn't bat an eye. 
I wonder if there was truly any point to this magic device. 
The magic lesson itself is pretty boring. 
Barbatos explains the concept of magic to me and then I do some breathing exercises to help me feel my magic force. I can't feel a thing but at least it's relaxing.
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octania · 4 years
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Obi Akitaru x Reader (NSFW,18+)
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This is a commission I did for the sweet @super-spooder​. I appreciate her support in this way greatly and I was so happy that she liked it and she gave me her permission to redo the fic in a “Reader” version. I hope you enjoy it. :)
Word count: 6.7k
Warnings: coworkers falling in love,public sex, dirty talk, creampie,
Short description: You are company’s 8 doctor, and you set your eyes for your captain. You tried to run from your feelings but did not know that the same problem is shattering Captain’s Akitaru heart, who will not stop until he has you in his arms.
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The light shone softly along her irises. I had never seen them up close like this before, because if I had, I wouldn't have stepped away. Nothing divided us anymore, there was nothing between us, not even the air, because I could no longer restrain myself. I will take the opportunity to the end, because maybe I will never get a chance like this again. She spoke once more, I would swear I heard the same thing the first time, but it seemed so unreal, I had to hear it once more. 
“I don’t care about nothing but you. I will risk everything, I am sure of it, just to be with you. ”- the words came from (Y/N) soft lips, that seemed sweet like honey. Now I will finally be able to taste them, she gave me her permission, my feelings did not travel down a one-way road after all.
Obi gasped closer to her lovely face, his hands desperately grabbing at her waist as lungs grabbed the air. At last the facade of false denial cracked and he could set free what he had tried in vain to bury within himself. But the image of (Y/N)’s angelic face began to crack, blurring like turbulent water, letting an unpleasant light cover his vision.
He blinked. Once, twice, absorbing the feeling of rough sheets beneath his half-naked body. The faded wall once again replaced the reflection of his deepest desires, he once more became a slave to his dreams and awoke in the shackles of reality. His jaw clenched, he pulled the covers timidly, turning angrily on his stomach. His eyes were accustomed to the dark and awkward picture of reality, but his heart raced at the thought of returning to a world without her. That is, even worse, the world with her close but  he cannot reach for her, he must not…
His fingers ached from the convulsive grip with which he held the sheets. He reached for her, little by little, ignoring the obstacles that clearly stood there, but something was shutting  him down. She? He could have sworn the blush on her face streaked across her cheeks every time he gave her a restrained lovely word or praise, but why then run away from him after every time she gave him a smile? Why does her voice crack or stutter every time he is close to her or talks to her a little longer? If the truth is so fatal and she does not see him as he sees her?
 In the night when she gets lonely, I wonder does she ever think about me?
The need to be her consolation, her support and the only body touching hers rose in his chest like a powerful storm. Anger and need, longing and pain mingled. It was his weakness from the moment she walked through the door of Company 8. If he had known how much his heart would be devoured by the cold teeth of loneliness, he would have forwarded her employment papers to Company 1. Maybe then he could finally approach her at the level of a human being and not a superior, he would not be burdened by a business relationship, and he would not have to choose what is appropriate and what is not.
 Like it matters?
 As if that would stop him if he only knew she shared his longing.It didn't stop him now, because he had been trying for months. It started innocent at first, from the first day he saw her through the window, approaching their company. How the wind played with the strands of her  hair, how the light shines on the color of her eyes, how she holds herself proudly but still with two feet on the ground. He remembers staring longingly at the young woman. Surprise and adrenaline rushed through his veins as she turned off the street toward the main gate of their building. Just a few seconds later, a couple of light bangs echoed through the hallway as she knocked. He couldn't move, he was mesmerized and confused. He couldn't even get himself to stand when she appeared before his eyes again. Maki cheerfully escorted her to his office.“Here she is! Captain Akitaru, this is our new doctor! ” - she said excitedly, smiling in a welcoming manner to the young woman who had arrived.Her steps were graceful. A dark gray tunic fell over her hips, while her long legs barely gave Obi the opportunity to unglue his eyes from them. She held out her small hand, speaking in a voice that dwells in his most intimate dreams to this day . "My name is (Y/N), it is a pleasure to meet you captain Akitaru." No, he was wrong. He knew from the first moment how much her presence would cost him, but he would not trade his suffering for anything, he would never send her away.     
                       *                       *                         * 
"I will not tell you again lieutenant Hinawa, your eating habits have to change." – (Y/N) anxiously measured lieutenant’s pressure, while at the same time her eyes shifted along the result papers she had just received.
“The food you are consuming has a low fiber and vitamin value, and you push your body to the extreme limits on the missions and working overtime as well. It affects your health, and from your blood results I can clearly see you lack magnesium which explains your migraines, thiamine which is to blame for your sore muscles, and biotin which raises your cholesterol!”-  her voice rose for a few octaves as she read the blood results.
She dropped the pressure gauge on the table unsatisfactorily, forcing Lieutenant Hinawa, who is otherwise known for his icy gaze and stony expression, to be ashamed of his actions. She took a deep breath, her voice now sounding more worried like mother's.
 "I know you work a lot, but you have to take care of yourself. I will prescribe you a couple of vitamins in tablets to improve your state a bit, but you must urgently include the list of foods that I will compile for you in your diet. I don't want your condition to get worse. ”- the devotion she felt for the members of the company could be compared to the mother's instinct when defending her young. She took their health not only seriously, not only as an obligation, but as her purpose, and she only attributed every omission to herself as a mistake. Hinawa lowered his head and squeezed his knees with his hands, making a slight bow as a sign of respect and agreement.
 “Yes doctor (Y/N). I apologize.” - He said humbly like a scolded child. "Hay, you don't have to apologize to me, I just want you to take care of yourself… because if you don't, I will have you force fed carrots and apples, washing it down with orange juice." - she giggled, handing him the prescription. A restrained smile of gratitude appeared on the lieutenant's face as he picked up the prescription, rising from his chair, bowing once more deeply before heading for the door. In the solitude of her office, (Y/N) arched her back against the plastic chair and tilted her head back, closing her eyes. She massaged her tired eyelids with her fingers, thinking how hypocritical it is to scold others about caring for their own health when she is much worse than them. This was her third night that she barely slept, because she was overworking herself.
For breakfast, she had two large cups of coffee with a ton of sugar and a couple of dry crackers, which really wouldn’t even have been a part of her meal if her stomach hadn’t rustled sadly and betrayed her condition.
“So, how is our lieutenant doing? I saw his list of recommended fruits and vegetables, and it really goes forever. ”- a deep male voice made (Y/N) jump out of her chair, almost having a heart attack. She opened her eyes in wonder as she scanned the room for the source of the voice, squeezing her T-shirt on her chest from shock. Her already jumpy heart from the surprise, only pounded even harder against her rib cage when she saw two delicate irises, colored like the whiskey through which the sunlight is shining.
 “Captain Akitaru! I didn’t hear you coming in. ” - she leaned on her legs, nervously fixing the white lab coat on her hips. He shrugged his broad shoulders as he watched her with a calm expression on his face, a gentle smile flickering on his lips. She could feel her cheeks begin to fire up, the air escaping from her lungs and making her breathe faster. She wrapped one arm around her waist, repeating endlessly in her head to calm down. This was happening more and more often.
Her anxiety would come to the surface every time Obi was next to her. Previously, she had managed to cover the corners of her lips, which without her permission automatically curled into a shy smile every time he looked at her. She would bite her lip, clear her throat, and look away. But now, a fleeting smile was the least of the problems. The treacherous red colors constantly painted her face, her pulse exceeded the limits of normal, her tongue twisted and she stammered if she had to talk to him for too long. Shame flooded the inside of her chest as the thought she so desperately wanted to bury pierced the surface, like a flower in growth and spread its petals of truth.
She liked him. She liked him more then she could ever admit or allow to herself.
When she first felt that her devotion and sympathy for the captain transcended the boundaries of respect and turned into something more intimate and personal, for the first time she took a day off. She felt guilty, caged inside something where there was no real way out to freedom, she could only hide along with her secret. All day she pondered the events that had brought her to the brink and pushed her into the abyss of these hidden feelings. She was convinced that the captain's affection for everyone was the same, and when he brought her coffee, asked her about her day, was always there to help her, it was the same thing he would do for anyone else in their company circle, and then she allowed herself to distort his intentions and began to view him as something more than a superior. Like a man. A handsome man with a heart of gold, a look that made her knees shake, shoulders as wide as if he carried the whole weight of the world on them, and a courage that could only be seen in sci-fi superhero movies. From that point on, she began to avoid him, as smoothly and painlessly as she could. She couldn't look him in the eye, she couldn't allow herself to see his gestures as anything more than mere decency.
How blind she really was.
She came to work earlier than anyone, just to keep the hallways empty so she could sneak like a ghost to her office. She went home last, doing the impossible jobs that made her sleepy head fall to the table and force her to sleep for an hour from exhaustion. But somehow that didn't work either. She began to see him in the craziest hours of the morning, while dawn was barely breaking through the dark clouds, sitting in his office from which the door was always open, a gesture showing that anyone could always come in for help or advice, greeting her warmly, beginning even an innocent conversation with her, but she would hastily answer a few words and disappear down the hall. As she went home at a time when the big yellow moon was already standing proudly in the starry sky, she could see his tired face under the lamp of a desk scanning papers or worse, hear the pounding of iron bars coming from their private gym that was literally placed in front of her office. She had to go that way, she had to, there was no other way out. At least she thought so until she tried to sneak out of her office on tiptoe, tapping her black shoes as softly as she could, praying to Sol that her dark clothes would blend in with the shadows in the hallway. But she was wrong.
 Obi’s eyes were like hawks, patiently waiting for the prey to make a move. He had been working out tirelessly for two hours, staying after everyone but her. He knew she would come out last, and that would give him a chance to catch her alone. Maybe that changes something. Maybe if they are alone, something will be different after all.
“(Y/N) I thought you left. ”- an innocent lie. His strong arms lowering the weights next to the bench. Drops of sweat ran down his broad neck over his back. His undershirt clung to his pronounced muscles as if he had just come out of the water. Abs like carved from the stone, moving in waves as he caught his breath.
“C-captain Ak-guitar, I-I..I was just leaving. I am sorry if I disturbed you. ” - as if hypnotized, she followed his wide torso as he approached. His gasps intoxicated her innocent ears, reminding her of the way men breathe when they fuc…..
She couldn't even finish the thought, her lips trembled, there was a hurricane in her head, when her legs rushed down the hall. She could hear his voice echoing down the walls of the hallway, calling to her and asking if everything was okay, but she couldn't stop, she couldn't look at him. Her eyes filled with tears at her weakness. It was the last day she thought the only way out through the door was possible.
 She wanted to make her escape possible at all costs, so the idea of ​​going out or coming in through the window no longer seemed insane at all. She was sneaking behind the building in the early morning, coming to her office window on the ground floor, which she had left open last night, when she ran home through it in the same way as a thief would in the late hours of the night. But even that solution didn't last long, when she made a mistake and didn't look at which cars were packed in the driveway of Company 8. Truth be told, she didn't even blame herself, fatigue squeezed her like a parasite, and her concentration in the morning was zero. She was already halfway up the window, barely dragging her gear with one hand behind her, when she heard a familiar voice.
“Doctor? What in the Sol’s name are you doing? ” - Vulcan watched with his emerald eyes in amazement as (Y/N) barely held on to the window frame, almost falling down on her head when Vulcan called to her.
“Vulcan! Oh I..I .. ”- she turned her head in panic, her cheeks red as a ripe apple.
“I forgot my keys! Yes. I forgot my keys and I didn’t know that there was someone here. ” - she awkwardly shifted inside the building, accidentally dropping equipment that fell under the window.
"Oh. Well you should have knocked, Captain Obi was already in, he could have let you in.”- said Vulcan collecting (Y/N)’s things and slowly adding them to her. 
Of course he is there… ..that is why I am here, making a fool out of myself…
 "Silly me, I guess I need some rest after all." - she scratched the back of her head nervously, bowing to the young man out of gratitude, trying to close the window as soon as possible.
“But..how come the window is open? Is it broken? ” -Vulcan said before (Y/N) closed the window.
 “No! Um..I guess I forgot the close it the night before. ”- she delved deeper into her excuses, realizing more and more how big a problem she is struggling with.
"Don't worry, I'll tell Shinra and Arthur to check every window from now on to make sure they're closed when we leave." - he said with a hearty smile, turning and waving goodbye. She followed him with her eyes for a bit with a sad look of defeat. This was her last idea of ​​how to sneak in and out of the building, and it is now a thing of the past. She would have to face the captain again. A crystal tear danced in the corner of her eye as a rush of emotion passed through her being. She felt cornered, and the only thought that just crossed her mind didn't help. Her heart craved solace, and her brain created the only scenario that could provide it, and that was Obi’s long arms wrapped around her fragile shoulders, hugging her and whispering in her ear that everything was fine and that he was there now. She shook her head as if trying to push that scene as far as she could, opening her eyes. 
No… no… this is not right..I can’t… 
After that day, she decided to deal with her problem head on. Well, at least in some way. She sucked in the raging waves of her desire and tried to keep the encounters with Obi brief, more professional than usual, and above all, public. Always to be around people. She even started to leave her door wide open when there was no patient in, so if she sees him, someone would always pass in the hallways shortly after, and she would give her best to indulge in a conversation with that person, making them to join the two of them. But now, Obi was in her office alone, and he closed the door behind him.
 He did not say anything, he just kept walking in her direction slowly, his eyes the color of dark honey staring in hers, making her take a few steps back when she bumped in the table behind her.
 "H-hinawa will be ok if he follows the list I made him." - she answered nervously, trying not to stutter, exhaling gratefully when Obi stopped a meter away from her.
“I agree, good nutrition is very important. I would like to hear you professional opinion and advice on it. Maybe..you could show me how to properly eat over a dinner. ” - his voice exuded self-confidence, but he could hear the buzzing in his ears from the pressure as blood flowed rapidly through his body as his heart quickly pumped it.
 She can’t misinterpret this.
He thought as he clenched his fists impatiently inside the pockets of his orange fire pants. But he was wrong. She didn’t have to misinterpreted it, she only has to go back to her endless denial and dodge the bullet.
 Dinner… ..? Did he say… .d..dinner?
She could barely stand on her feet when she realized what he had asked her. She lowered her gaze, her hair covered her face as her teeth sank into her bottom lip. 
Is it possible he wants the same thing as I do? Not! Impossible! Even if he wants to, we can't,… we can't… He is my captain, and I am the doctor of this company.
Her heart was now skipping a beat as the panic attack clawed its way up to her very core. She knew if she looked him in the eyes and tried to speak, her voice would break and her tears would fall. She had to run. She had to get out of here. Without even looking up, she slipped between the chair and the table, dodging Obi in a full circle, not turning back, wanting to reach the door quickly. When she grabbed the doorknob, she could feel a glimmer of relief as she deftly directed an answer to Obi, who stood quietly behind her.
“Of course! That is a great idea! I can show everyone tonight at the party we are having! ”- how she managed to forget about it, about one golden ticket that was now in her hands, party where all the members of Company 8 will be, and they will have dinner together. She didn't let him answer, but flew out of the room as if the devils were chasing her. And she was haunted, the darkest demons of her forbidden desires who were now fed with his inappropriate question.
                                     *                     *                    * 
This warm summer night in the company garden was different than usual. It was decorated with shiny little lights in various colors, hanging from the high tree branches, balloons being glued to the doors and some of them lying on the floor on top of the glittery confetti. They dragged two wide tables from the conference room, filling them with paper glasses, hard plastic dishware, various appetizers they ordered from the catering a few blocks away, a cake server sinking into an untouched cake, a big bowl of punch, a few beers, sodas, and a box filled with ice mixed with energy drinks.
From all this choices, (Y/N)’s hand instantly reached for the cooled can of energy drink. She snapped the metal opener, bringing the bubbly liquid to her glossy lips. She hummed when she tasted the beverage, enjoying the waking up sensation it brought to her senses. She turned, viewing all of the company members enjoying their time together. This was her first time celebrating the company’s anniversary with them, and she loved it already.
Arthur and Shinra playing like two little kids, throwing balloons at each other screaming in playful rage, Hinawa picking the vegetables from the metal plates filled with food, honoring his word to the doctor, the girls giggling and commenting how Vulcan is trying his best to tie his tie but keeps falling, blushing and turning so they can’t see, but they just keep fallowing the poor guy around and innocently teasing him. Only one person was missing. She felt a cold sting of panic traveling along her spine. Pushing down the unpleasant feeling, she closed her eyes and counted to ten, trying to convince herself that everything will be just fine. She practiced this at home, for the love of Sol, for hours. After this morning and her talk with Obi, she made her best move in denial yet. Deciding that over thinking it as always will only bring more harm, so she decided to brush it off as a misunderstanding. He must have thought the same thing, the dinner party tonight. That was all she allowed herself to conclude, exhaling slowly and feeling the relaxation take over. But then she opened her eyes, and her heart started racing once more.
 Wearing his official captain’s uniform which consisted of a blue jacket with his medals, a white shirt and a dark blue tie underneath the jacket, and neatly ironed pants with a matching color. His broad shoulders looked even bigger under this fancy clothing, his biceps that did not appreciate being covered stretching the materiel to its limits, and his muscular chest standing even more out under that white shirt.
(Y/N) knew her cheeks were rosy already, as she swallowed the saliva that accumulated in her mouth, trying to calm her hands from shaking and greet the captain properly. She tried to bow, but a warm feeling on her shoulder that was exposed because of her strapless cocktail dress and a firm but gentile pressure made her stand back up straight. Obi’s palm was now resting on her delicate skin, not moving it even after he made his point about No need to bow thing.
 “(Y/N)..you look..lovely.”- he said every word slowly, carefully, like he himself is trying to get accustomed to them. He wanted to say so much more, but even with his new born bravery and dedication of accepting how he feels about her, he knew they were not alone and from what he gathered, (Y/N) only got more agitated when he tried to approach her in front other members. When they are alone, she runs, but when others are around, she is clearly upset. He pulled his hand back, hating the feeling of removing his skin from hers.
“Thank you Captain.”- she said restrainedly, again lowering her gaze, searching for the coverage of her hair falling over her face. She was trying to think of a way to end this conversation fast, excuse herself and go away to find safety by talking to someone else, but before she could muster any good ideas, Obi’s body got closer, almost towering over her. She rose her eyes quickly, widening them in shock as her eyes were locked on his, his face now inches away. Everything happened almost in slow motion, in her head this lasted for hours, when it was only for a brief moment, when he leaned, brushing his chest on her arm, reaching for a cup of punch on the table behind her. She did not even notice what he was actually doing, the closeness was too much for her. Her anxiety was through the roof, her breath shallow, and her mind blank when his enchanting perfume intoxicated her senses. All alarms in her head started screaming and echoing in her head, her feet shivering as she choked on her own whines. How weak he made her, how insanely fragile to his presence. She could not bear it, this fight in a ring can only be won by one and it is always him. She needed to escape once again, as her eyes filled with tears.
“Excuse me.”- a muffled sound escaped her lips as she rushed past him, dodging the gaze of everyone in the garden and walking as fast as she could to the bathroom. 
 She splashed cold water on her flustered face. The pea-sized drops rushed down her cheek to her neck, as (Y/N) shivered under the icy feeling.  Her hands gripped the edge of the sink, as the salty tears now combined with water on her skin, mildly covering her real state. This got out of hand, she knew it from the moment she started to giggle and feel butterflies in her stomach every time he spoke to her. She should have dealt with it right then and there, not let it go so far that she can’t stand being around him no more. Nothing stings harder than forbidden love, and at least now she can admit it to herself, speak plainly in her own mind. She will have to quit, leave this place and these people she already considered family behind just to spare them of her unprofessional behavior and her betrayal, falling for a man that is her commander.   
This is how it is meant to be…there is nothing I can do about it no more…it is written in the stars..
She could swear in that moment her heart broke in half. She could feel the meat of the muscle that gives you life slowly splitting in the middle. 
“Why do you always run away?”- a deep whisper echoed the on the bathroom tiles.  In that voice pain was hearable, deepness of the emotion that was buried somewhere for too long. (Y/N) turned just to face him once again, but this time she had no strength for pretending, she just turned her head to hide her tears and said in a whiny voice:
“Please Captain, I want to be alone.”- seeing her like this made Obi almost lose the ground under his feet. His protective instinct made him rush to her, but just before his reaching hand touched her, he stopped, realizing that his sudden movements made this to happen. He tried but never actually said it out load, to be clear. He took a deep breath, fighting the need to wrap his hands around her fragile body and hold her tight until the first morning light comes, shows her how he wants to be the one who protect her from harm, not the one causing it. 
“The truth is, I am not feeling well lately..so I need your help.” – hearing this words from him made something in (Y/N) to snap.  Her doctor side drilled its way up to the surface and concern for his well being took the lead. She turned, facing him with her cheeks painted with dark stains of her mascara.
“What happened? Are you in pain? When did it start?”- she started to check him with her eyes, looking for some kind of a injury, but there was nothing.
“You can’t see it from outside..It started 10 months ago, one morning, and I’ve been worse ever since. I’ve been distracted, and I can’t do it no more.”- he said clenching his fists. Her vision got blurry from the tears still being in there, but they did not fall. She listened, squeezing her lips in a straight line. 
“I am in love with you, (Y/N). From the moment you took a turn on the street and walked in our company.” – his tensed muscles suddenly relaxed, like a huge weight have been lifted of his shoulders.
 “I need to know do you feel the same, because I can’t stand to see you dodging me with any chance you got. Don’t think I did not notice. If you don’t want me, I will sto…”
“It is not that I don’t want it! I just..We..we can’t..”- her voice shattering like glass, barely managing to finish her sentences.
 “Why?! Why do you think we can’t?”- Obi tried to stay calm, but being unable to hold her close, and hearing that she feels the same way but is denying it , got him close to the edge.
 “Because you are my captain, and I am your subordinate! It is unethical! No one would understand!”- she screamed, unleashing the suffering she held inside, the opinion that tortured her, the fear of the judgment from others.
 “So?! That are only useless titles! Worthless positions!”- he took one step closer unnoticed, slowly  narrowing the space between them.
 “No one would approve…I am not the one for you.”- she sniffled, trying to wipe away the rolling tears with a shaking hand, again crumbling under the feeling of a breaking heart.
“Because you are the one for me, I am willing to risk everything else. I don’t care if I have to resign, I don’t care what people would say…only thing I do care about it you.”- this time he knew it was not a dream, and there is nothing that could hold him back now. His hands landed on her thin waist, pulling her on him. She gasped as she crashed on his chest, feeling so small and fragile under him. 
“Capt..”- her words have been shushed when his lips crashed on hers. The hungry mouth kissed her like she was his food and water and he was walking starved in the desert for decades. (Y/N) had her eyes half opened, looking how angelic face holds the expression of relief and happiness, the feelings that now consumed him when he finally tasted his forbidden fruit. His soft lips shifted on hers, opening them slowly as his tongue started to explore her mouth, finding hers and traveling along its surface, starting an erotic dance between their mouths. She let herself go, feeling how her feet became numb, her body screaming for him and wants to pull his huge one closer like a magnet. His wide palms shifted along her waist, squeezing it, exploring her shape along her back and down to her hips, sinking his fingers in the tender flesh.
“O-obi.”- she moaned between kisses, sinking her nails in his chest, feeling how adrenaline flows through her, giving herself to him to the fullest. His hands sifted a bit more, cupping her ass and lifting her up on the sink, opening her legs with his knee and shattering the space between them once more and he pushed himself on her.
“I want you (Y/N). I need you.” – he whispered, kissing her jaw, licking his way down to her collarbone. She moaned his name wrapping her thighs around him. His fingers found their way to the zipper of her dress along her ribs, pushing it down slowly. But before he lowered it, he tilted his head up, gazing at her, looking for permission. She blinked with her dark lashes, as she nodded , biting her lip. He gripped her with more force, barely controlling his wild desire. He bit the materiel of her cocktail dress, pulling it down from her bust. A dark lace bra without stripes held her tits with little force, making them almost fall out without him even touching them, but he did not plan to wait for that to happen. He unbuckled the buckle in the middle, releasing her breasts.
 Seeing her big soft flesh bare in front of him made his hardened member swell a bit more. He placed her delicate nipple between his teeth ,pulling slowly then mending it with his kiss and tongue, while the other breast was squeezed with his hand. He played with the doughy flesh, making his fingers skin deep in and his grip got harder, placing the nipple between his fingers and pinching it, making (Y/N) to cry out his name while he was working both of her nipples with his talent.
She tasted good as she smelled. The minty scent  filled his nostrils, making him inhale more deeply to catch every bit of it. The sensitive nipples were somehow sweet, brushing against the smooth surface of his tongue. He sucked harder, lifting the other one he had in his hand and pulling the delicate spot in the same time as he bit the other nipple. (Y/N) felt her juices soaking her black thong, how her fingers intertwined with his dark brown hair , pulling him closer, wanting him to devour her more. But he was hungry for something else. Still massaging her breast, he lowered his head down, kissing along her belly while pulling her dress down off her with his free hand. The lower he got, the wider did (Y/N) spread her legs.
Her sexual instinct made her open up for him like a flower bud, giving him access to her most intimate parts. He waste no time, removing the panties to the side, letting the heat of her soaked hole hit his face. He licked his lips on the sight ahead, slowly gathering the icing from her folds with the tip of his tongue. When she felt his tender muscles playing around her pussy, she cried out louder, giving her best to stay at least a bit quiet, but he did not make that job easy. He stuck his tongue deeper between her folds, licking her slit up and down, growling quietly from the satisfaction.
 “You are delicious…much better than how I dreamed you would be..”- he murmured before shoving his tongue inside her, pumping it in as deep as he could reach, while teasing her clit with his index finger, pushing the nerve button tenderly as he fucked her with his tongue, while the juices smeared around his lips.
“D-Don’t say such things…”- she said biting on her knuckles, trying to suppress the lewd sounds coming from her mouth.
 “But you are (Y/N). Your little pussy taste so good. I want to eat it whole.”- he whispered, as his voice sent vibrations along her delicate flesh, making her legs shiver. She could feel the tension building in her stomach, the feeling of sweet release coming closer. He sucked in her pussy lips along with her clit before shoving his tongue back between her velvety walls, returning both of his hand to her tits, pinching her nipples and pulling them hard. Her climax kicked in and she covered her mouth to hide the whiny sound of her orgasm, but Obi was quicker, grabbing her wrists and pulling them off her mouth.
“No. I want to hear you cum (Y/N).”-he twisted her nipple lightly, grabbing the whole breast with it and massaging it in fast motions while he licked her clit, making the electric feeling take over her body as she came and screamed his name as loud as she could. Her head started falling down, but Obi was ready to catch her, picking her up once more and carrying her to the wall. He pinned her bare back on the cold tiles, as the icy feeling against her skin get her a bit more concentrated after that wild orgasm.
 “I will fuck you now baby.”- he pressed his lips on her, as she heard a sound of him unzipping his pants. She did  not even have the chance to see what was coming, when she felt a light sting between her legs. She tried to relax her muscles to make the huge thing come in smoothly, but even that and her juices did not help. Obi’s rock hard length stretched her like nothing before, barely managing to fit in. She buried her head in his muscular shoulder as he continued to slowly push it.
“You are so tight baby..Fuck..”- he forced his way in, enjoying the clenching of her inner walls around his throbbing cock.
 “O-obi …it is too big.”-she gasped for air, feeling overly opened.
  “You are doing great baby..”- he whispered before jerking his hips upward, filling her to the end with his dick. His base hit her folds, as he stand still for a moment to let her get used to his size, then he started moving. Rocking his hips back and forth, harder, making (Y/N) to scratch his back under his shit while she moaned uncontrolably. 
“Damn…you are perfect…you have no idea how many times I imagined this..how long  I waited..”- he gasped his words, hitting hard between her shaky legs, as her lower back slammed on the tiles. He grabbed her ass cheeks and slammed her on his dick while he still drilled his way in, in the same time, lowering his head and starting sucking on her tits, leaving reddish marks all over her bust, sucking the flesh with passion, making his way down to her nipple, just to suck on it as he did on  now swollen places before. 
His thrust became shallow, faster, as he chased his orgasm. His fast hits just made her already overly stimulated clit to send more electric waves along her spine, filling her with another adrenaline rush, going back down to her lower parts and she felt she will cum one more time. The tone of her voice became higher, as she pulled him closer with her thighs. His stone hard biceps tensing as he murmured her name in her ear.
“Fuck..I will..I will cum (Y/N).”- he murmured around her nipple as he slammed wildly in her cunt, making the last hit harder than any before, nailing her to the wall as he filled her with his cum. She felt the warm feeling in the lower part of her belly, knowing how he is pumping her womb with his sperm. He pulled out gently, still holding her on the wall. His seductive smile and gentile eyes now focused on her, brushing his nose on hers.
“Please, never run away from me again. “- he asked, voice filled with emotions.
 “I won’t.”- she said with teary eyes. His soft lips once again found hers, locking this promise and rewriting the faith written in the stars. 
161 notes · View notes
pasteljeon · 4 years
Text
white chocolate (m) | heartbeat 2
Tumblr media
series index. 
summary | how is it they know you so well already?
warnings | sub!jungkook, handjobs, soft gguk, some angst
length | 4.9k
notes | hello! super overdue, i know :( but please enjoy, and let me know what you think of this chapter <3 if you’d like to be added to the tag list, please dm me or leave a comment :”)
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“You look like you haven’t slept properly in days.”
“No, I just have a natural resting bitch face,” you deadpan. Ahri raises an eyebrow unflinchingly. You wave her off immediately. “Seriously, I’m fine.”
She remains unconvinced, but there’s not much she can do from cities away except send you virtual care packages (read: texts). She’s fully suited up for the day, and you watch absently from her bustle around from where your laptop is propped up on the counter as you drown your poorly shaped pancakes in maple syrup.
“Alright, well. Keep me updated on the roomies situation, and remember to drink plenty of water,” Ahri orders as she finishes applying her lipstick. She checks the screen to ensure there’s no smearing and then she’s buttoning her jacket.
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll let you know if one of them suddenly decides to expose their daddy kink,” you say dryly as you stab your sad excuse for brunch. Ahri perks up. “Rea—”
“No.”
“Okay, but real talk for a second – I heard Jungkook—”
“Go to work,” you chirp, flashing her a smile before you promptly jab the call button.
“Holy shit,” you mutter, closing your laptop.
A jangling of keys interrupts your thought, head snapping up at the sound.
“Jungkook?”
He freezes, halfway to his room already. His gym bag hangs off his shoulder. Oh … Oh.
“H-hi, n-noona,” he mumbles. He refuses to meet your gaze, back muscles tensing through his sweat-soaked shirt. “W-what’s up?”
Oh … he looks …
You imagine the resemblance to the bedroom would be uncanny. You press your thighs together, trying to shake off the feeling. No, you remind yourself. As tempting as it is, anything other than friendship could greatly jeopardize the harmony of this place.
“Do you want something to eat?” You offer instead. You’re relieved when your voice remains steady.
“A-ah, that’s okay noona, I-I’ll grab something later,” Jungkook says hastily as he begins to climb the stairs.
“And risk heart disease with the amount of cholesterol you’d intake with all that greasy food after you’ve just worked out? Hell no,” you retort sternly.
He pauses at the top of the spiral staircase, and you tilt your chin up to catch him rubbing the back of his neck guiltily.
“O-okay,” he says hesitantly. “T-thank you, noona. I-I’ll be down in a few mins, I just need to take a shower.”
He bounds into his room in one leap and snaps the door shut quietly before you can respond.
You close your mouth, blinking. “Uh. Alright, then.”
.
.
.
It hurts.
Jungkook groans, squeezing himself hard as he doubles over, bag tossed to the corner and shirt all but ripped off.
His knees sink into the mattress, other hand gripping his covers tightly as he strokes himself.
His cock has been half-hard since he woke, the lingering ache of a pleasurable dream spiking his arousal.
Every touch is uncharacteristically heightened, even more so than usual, given how sensitive he is.
Shakily reaching for the bottle of lube on the counter, he pours a generous amount on his palm. His hand, rough and covered in calluses, is cool where he thumbs the slit of his cock. Jungkook sucks in a breath.
The chances of meeting you at this exact time was slim – so slim he hadn’t anticipated you standing there, looking so effortlessly beautiful despite how tired you were. Despite his urge to cup your cheeks and kiss those dark circles under your gorgeous eyes, his dick twitched at the sight.
He couldn’t turn around – the sizable tent in his sweats would have been a dead giveaway.
“N-noona,” he whimpers.
A thin sheen of sweat coats his skin, his other hand skimming the crevices of his stomach, pushing the fabric down further until he was kneeling on the bed, spine arched as he increases the speed.
His wrist aches, but he’s so close he can taste it —
.
.
.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Jungkook’s going to cry.
Embarrassment and horror flushes through him. His expression is panicked, doe eyes blown out and wide. His fully erect cock, reddened tip dripping precum, is gripped tightly in his hand.
And you are staring right at him.
“N-n-noona,” he squeaks. He’s appalled at the way the syllables are forced out, his tone edging hysteria.
You close your eyes. And open them.
Yep, that’s Jeon Jungkook alright. On his knees, thick, muscled thighs spread wide and his long, thick cock weeping beautifully in his grasp.
“Well,” you say, after a pregnant pause, leaning against the doorframe. “Go on, since you’ve been begging so sweetly.”
“I—I …,” he’s floundering, shocked, but his erection doesn’t falter. If anything, you think he’s growing even harder at the prospect. It’s interesting how, despite the way his arm jerked upon realization of your presence, as if to move to cover himself, he remains completely bare to you.
He swallows, mouth suddenly dry as you watch him, mouth curled into a lilting smile.
You push yourself off, stepping in and shutting the door firmly behind you.
The firm click of the lock has him tensing in anticipation as you stalk toward him.
You don’t touch him, just slide onto the bed, your legs bracketing his, the heat of your body making his breath catch in his throat.
“Lie down, baby.” He obeys immediately, dark locks spilling across the comforter. His chest rises and falls rapidly, his chiselled body beckoning you closer, but you simply hover over him, arms caging him in.
Your hair falls over him like a silk curtain, tickling his cheeks as your lips brush the shell of his ear. “Is this okay?”
Jungkook looks like he’s about to faint, cheeks colouring and eyelids fluttering shut. He nods furiously, unable to speak.
“I need to hear it, baby boy.” Your breath is warm, skin prickling pleasantly at the feeling.
“A-ah, y-yes,” he mewls.
“Touch yourself.”
You withdraw slowly, rising until you’re resting on your knees above him. Jungkook looks absolutely wrecked already, and you marvel that he truly is an extraordinary specimen, so deliciously muscular and broad yet so willing to submit. The need to feel small.
He moans, the shame escaping him as he starts stroking himself again, cock so generously coated with precum and lube that the slide is seamless. His pace quickens as he gains momentum, the other hand slipping below to fondle his balls.
“Such a dirty boy,” you croon. “Jerking yourself off in front of your noona. You enjoy it, don’t you? Having me watch you come undone, begging so prettily.”
“… me.”
“What’s that?” You drawl. Jungkook pants, practically vibrating as he pleads, “Touch me. Please. P-please, noona. I’m so close.”
His eyes are glossy, eyelashes wet and lips cherry bitten. His spine bows, head tossing from side to side in agony.
Your nails dig into his chest, scraping his nipples. You pinch them lightly as you lean over him once more to murmur, “come.”
Jungkook stills. He lets out a weak cry, voice hoarse and fraught as he explodes. He writhes beneath you, eyes rolling back and back arching as he milks himself. He collapses when he’s done, body melting into the mattress, boneless.
Cum paints his abdomen, stains your shirt and you hum, scoping it up and popping a finger into your mouth thoughtfully.
Jungkook peeks up at you in exhaustion, groaning at the erotic sight. “Noona, please. I don’t think my dick can take any more,” he whimpers.
You smile fondly, brushing his damp locks back as you press a soft kiss to his temple. “Thank you, Kookie.”
“N-noona,” his hand shoots up to grasp your wrist loosely as you move to get up. “I … I don’t … usually do this. I’m a … I’m clean,” he flushes darkly, neck colouring as he glances away shyly.
“… I don’t want to get your hopes up, Kook,” you say ruefully. Your smile is crooked, wistful. You squeeze his hand firmly. “I like you, I do. I think you’re sweet and compassionate and that’s why I’ll never be good for someone like you.” Too innocent, too easily corrupted.
“That’s not true,” he protests immediately. He meets your gaze earnestly. “You’re honest and kind and thoughtful. I know it.”
“I don’t want to break your heart,” you reply softly. “You deserve so much.” More.
“Then I’ll chase you,” Jungkook says, determined. His brows are knitted, lips pursed.
You chuckle, expression unwittingly warm as you lean in to kiss the corner of his eye. “Baby, I’m no good for you.”
“You’re wrong, noona,” he shakes his head furiously. He’s glowing. He’s resolved. “And I’m gonna prove it to you. Just wait. You’ll fall for me.”
I know. “Wash up,” you say instead, patting his cheek as you rise. “I made lunch.”
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.
.
You wait until you hear him twist the knob and step in the shower before you leave, the steam curling around your wrist as you shut the door quietly.
“___-noona.”
“Taehyung,” you flinch at the familiar baritone of the photography major, turning around slowly. You bare him a smile. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
He looks windswept, raking a hand over the curls falling over his eyes. A camera hangs over his neck, his English hat askew over his head. He looks like he stepped off a freaking runway. His fashion sense is impeccable, as per usual, you muse, maybe a tad fonder than you would’ve liked.
“Hi. Uh, yeah. The stove was on and I rushed upstairs because I was worried,” Taehyung chuckles, glancing at where your hand rests on the doorknob. Something flickers in his gaze, but it’s gone before you can ascertain what it is.
“Ah, yeah. Jungkook came back and I wanted to ask him something, so,” you shrug.
You wait with bated breath for the inevitable question that you know teeters on the tip of his tongue, though you should’ve realized Taehyung isn’t one to barge into unrelated business. He doesn’t ask despite the obvious curiosity that lingers in the way he peers at you.
“About last week … Did I … did I say something weird when I was sick? I can’t remember anything, but Jin-hyung mentioned you asked something about it,” he says instead. His grip on the strap tightens and you tilt your head.
“… Not really,” you say eventually. “You were pretty out of it. Don’t worry, you didn’t embarrass yourself too much. Nothing tweet worthy, anyway.”
“Oh.” Taehyung exhales, the relief flooding through his veins so palpable you frown. “Are you okay? Do you have some dark secret you’re scared of accidentally spilling or something?” You joke.
He laughs, flashing you a wry smile as he takes off his camera. “Would it surprise you if I did?”
You shake your head. Don’t want to know. “Hungry?” Stepping past him, you make your way down the spiral staircase briskly.
Taehyung’s left standing at the top, watching you with an unreadable expression. “Always,” he calls.
He wants to chuck his camera over the railing.
.
.
.
“What did you do?”
Jungkook starts, shirt halfway over his head. He tugs it down, calmly taking a seat on his bed as he pulls on a pair of socks. His heart is thrumming at his throat. He swallows.
“Nothing, hyung. What happened?” Before he can fully twist around, Taehyung’s standing in front of him, hazel irises blazing.
“How could you do this, Jungkook? I trusted you. You promised!” His voice breaks and Jungkook think he’s drowning. It hurts, knowing his hyung is hurting.
“I-I’m sorry,” Jungkook whispers. His gaze drops, guilt causing his shoulders to hunch in. “It’s just – we’ve waited so long to see her again, to meet her again … I was – I was weak. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, hyung,” he buries his face in his hands, shaking. He’s an idiot. He couldn’t have waited? God, he’s despicable.
“We made a pact, Ggukie. Please, it’s not fair to the rest of us if you do things like this,” Taehyung pleads, kneeling and prying his hands away. Jungkook hiccups, cheeks wet as he nods. “I-I know. I’m sorry. I couldn’t control myself, she caught me and I couldn’t resist her, she’s just so beautiful and – and I love her, hyung!” He groans.
“I know, I know,” the older fusses over him, wiping his tears and wrapping him in a tight hug. Jungkook sniffles, settling as he whispers, “I really am sorry. I’ll stay away, I promise.”
“Thank you,” Taehyung says, pulling away. “Just for now, okay? We’ll tell her soon, when the others are ready. When she���s ready. I promise.”
Jungkook nods, fingers knotting the hem of his shirt. “Yeah. Okay.”
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.
.
Jungkook hardly speaks another word the entire meal, save to express his gratitude. He avoids your probing gaze and eats silently. He scarfs down his food, finishing quickly, washing his dishes despite your insistence he doesn’t need to, and disappears back into his room within half an hour.
You prop your chin up with a hand, eyebrow raised as you sip at your cup. “So. Mind telling me what you said to him?”
Taehyung shifts uncomfortably, chopsticks poking at the sad piece of kimchi curled up in the corner of his bowl. “Ah … he’s just embarrassed you caught him earlier,” he mumbles into his soup.
“He told you?” You nearly spit out your water in shock. As it is, the photography major chuckles ruefully, reaching over with a surprisingly gentle hand as he wipes the water from the corner of your lip with his thumb.
There’s something tender in his smile, and something wistful in his expression. Something soft in the way he tilts his head and gazes at you. Maybe it’s the way the sunlight strikes his face at the exact angle because his dark eyes glow, like molten chocolate. The type you’d dip a strawberry into and savour for countless moments after, for the perfect combination of tart and sweet. Taehyung has always been extraordinarily handsome, but you’ve never taken much notice to it until now.
Those tousled curls, the strong jaw line, the boxy grin. But you’re not a fool. Like Jimin, you know he has his own … filters.
It is unwise to fall for someone like him. You’re not compatible. You know this because you’ve tried … once.
“We tried, Tae. It didn’t work, remember?” You whisper, taking his hand. He automatically shakes his head, flipping his palm up to weave his fingers through yours. He’s always been so much bigger than you. You used to feel safe with him.
You hate how he still makes you feel that way despite all this time. Despite everything. His grip is firm, his touch warm. Familiar.
“Please don’t,” you say, but your protest sounds weak, even to your own ears. “I can’t go through this all over again.”
“I know. It was my fault. It wasn’t fair to you, the way I kept all my feelings locked up. I’m sorry. Though I wish we would’ve talked about it after,” he says. He sounds honest now, and you hate it. It makes your chest ache a little at the mention. You’re over it—you are. But sometimes the memories can be a haunting reminder. It’s hard to simply toss away years of what were once precious moments shared with someone you thought was your ‘forever.’
“There wasn’t much to talk about,” you respond dryly. Your arm is limp in his hold. “We just weren’t good for each other. We didn’t work.”
His thumb strokes the back of your hand slowly. “You’re wrong. You were the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You still are. We just didn’t try hard enough. I should’ve never let you go.”
His voice suddenly sounds so honeyed. Airy, despite the low timbre that doesn’t quite match his sharp features. Like he’s sharing an old wound, one that’s scabbed over a million times, but he can’t help picking at until it bled and bled and the scar that forms is thrice as large as it should’ve been.
“Well,” you say after a beat, gently twisting out of his grip. You dump your untouched meal into your bowl, collecting the plates before standing. You flash him a half-hearted smile. “Then it’s too bad you did, isn’t it?”
He’s left with his fingers curled around empty air, heart heavy and stomach roiling. He thinks he can hear the blood dripping from his ribcage, hear the sound of something within him cracking. Love is a lie, lie / don’t tell me bye, bye.
He thinks he’s never going to be able to tell you the truth. And that hurts more than anything else.
.
.
.
It’s a Saturday for crying out loud. The week you’ve just had was borderline atrocious and all you want to do is curl up in bed and watch Netflix, equipped with a steaming mug of tea, wrapped in your fluffy blankets and cuddling your giant bunny plush. You’re not asking for much, really.
“Hello, Namjoon.”
Instead, here you are.
He looks up, startled, as you slide into the seat across him. And then he smiles. “___. I didn’t think you’d come, truthfully.”
At a small, quant café across the science building. It’s rather empty today, the occasional cluster of students wandering in to order bundles of drinks. You’ve been here a thousand times and still you can never find the words to express just how much life this tiny space has sucked out of you. After last semester, you swore you’d never be back.
And yet, here you are. The joy.
“Don’t,” you warn, shaking out your hair as you take off your hat. “Don’t start. I’m just here to hear you out.”
“There’s something you should know,” he starts, faltering briefly at your stern expression. He rakes a hand through his hair, pushing up his glasses impatiently, and it occurs to you this is the first time you’ve ever seen him so stressed and wrung out. “About us …”
“Namjoon, please. You asked me to keep it a secret, and I did,” you answer flatly. Did you seriously drag yourself out of bed for this? You really don’t need another rehash of one of your life’s greatest mistakes. He’s fiddles with his drink, untouched and likely lukewarm at this point.
At your pointed look, he moves to rummage through his messenger bag, and pulls out a plain manila envelope.
Namjoon hesitates, mouth downturned as he says quietly, “The results came through. You’re innocent. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.”
You raise an eyebrow, snorting in disbelief when he doesn’t react. “You’re serious. Wow. Colour me shocked. Well,” you deadpan, rising to your feet, “This was fun, but the only person that didn’t know was you. Now please don’t ask to see me like this again. I said we were done, and I meant it. Goodbye, Namjoon.”
The bell rings timidly as you disappear through the door, Namjoon watching as you walk away, each step a harsh reminder of how badly he’s fucked up.
And the worst part is that he doesn’t think he can fix it. There’s no making right something like this.
He downs his coffee and stands. He’s always been a failure anyway. What difference does this really make? Sliding the folder back into his bag, he slings it over his shoulder and nods at the owner on his way out.
Bad, bad bye / don’t say goodbye.
.
.
.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“Hell. No,” you emphasize, crossing your arms, determined to stand your ground. She pouts, clasping her hands together.
“Yes!” Ahri cries, pulling at your sweater. She adamantly ignores your glare as she riffles your closet. “It’s my only free night back. Please, please, let’s go out! Have a night of fun! I’m so tired of filing tax returns and staring at Excel sheets. I need a break and by the looks of it, so do you.” She turns to give you an appraising look and you groan, flopping onto your bed.
The ceiling is unimaginably unhelpful, so you sit up with a sigh.
“Fine,” you say, but before she can open her mouth, beaming, you hold up a hand. “No boy talk. We are not discussing them or anyone else tonight. Just fun. We can talk about anything else. Deal?”
Your best friend visibly deflates at the thought but acquiesces reluctantly before returning to her hunting.
Finally, she whirls around with a flourish, grinning widely. You eye her warily, not quite liking the evil glint in her orbs. You groan when she brandishes a two-piece you don’t think you’ve broken out in months, probably.
She cheers, hugging you tightly. “It’s going to be great, promise.”
You take the proffered outfit, lips pursed doubtfully. “It better be,” you grouch. “After the week I just had, I’m about ready to throw myself into a floor of lava.”
Ahri pats your back, grinning. “You just need a good dicking down. Trust me.”
.
.
.
The club is inordinately crowded.
The bass booms in the background, reverberating through your body and echoing with every expansion of your chest. Voices are muted in the sea of sound, Ahri eagerly tugging you along as she effortlessly weaves through the throng.
“Hey guys,” you offer them a bland, knowing smile as your friends chorus your name back at you. They seem genuinely excited to be here tonight, to let loose for a few odd hours, and so despite your initial misgivings, you sit and order a drink.
You like social interaction, yes, but after the week you’ve just had, you’d much rather be curled up in bed. But then you glance to the seat next to you to see Ahri laughing and talking animatedly.
“So, ____,” you turn to see a familiar face. “You came.”
“Yuto-sunbae,” you say, pleasantly surprised. He looks great, cheeks lightly flushed, alcohol already circulating his system.
“Dance with me?” He extends a hand.
“Before my martini arrives? How scandalous,” you joke, accepting his offer as he pulls you to his feet.
“You look like you could use some fun,” Yuto teases, coaxing you to the dance floor. You give him an exasperated look, to which he pointedly ignores, sliding your arms over his neck.
“Dance with me,” he says again, eyes imploring. With an exaggerated sigh, you take his hands and put them on your waist.
“Lead the way,” you answer, smiling crookedly.
.
.
.
Jungkook grimaces, uncomfortably pressed against strangers as he fights his way through the crowd, letting out a relieved sigh as he spots them.
“Kook,” Jimin beams, standing to let him in. Jungkook gives him a grateful smile as he shuffles into the cushions next to the group.
“C’mon, maknae,” Taehyung says, patting his thigh as Yoongi slides him a mug of familiar liquid. The composer is already nursing a half-empty glass of his own, not appearing even remotely buzzed.
“Do we have to be here right now?” Jungkook asks, sipping at the concoction. His nose wrinkles, the burn particularly strong tonight.
“Yes, because you’ve been moping all day and you need to get out. Some sunlight, fresh air, you know,” Jimin waves his hand. Jungkook watches as he pours another shot of vodka.
“You, or me?” The youngest remarks dryly as he pushes away the drink.
“Guys,” Hoseok cuts in before Jimin can protest. “Is that … ___?”
.
.
.
Fifteen minutes of staring and stalking your elegant figure twirling through the swarm of people, and they’re drunk.
Yoongi huffs, watching as the other boys make fools of themselves, falling on top of each other as they slur song lyrics like they’re waxing poetry.
With the sole exception of a certain graphic design student. Yoongi keeps one eye on the mess of bodies on the table and the other on the bathroom door Jungkook disappeared into some minutes ago.
“I’m dancing too,” Seokjin announce suddenly, sounding shockingly coherent as he stands. He only sways lightly, slapping away any help, and Yoongi reluctantly sits back, nodding.
“Keep your ringer on,” is all he says. Where the eldest is going, he’ll be able to hear it loud and quick, Yoongi thinks wryly. Seokjin dismisses his concerns and quickly melds into the crowd. Logically, the music major knows the Masters student can handle himself, given his age and experience, but he can’t help but still worry.
Taking another rich swing of his drink, he returns to babysitting and bunny watching.
.
.
.
“Hi gorgeous,” a deep, raspy voice ghosts across the shell of your ear.
You’d lost sight of Yuto a while ago, the boy having been whisked off by a brunette earlier. You were content swaying alone, sweaty bodies pressed against you. By now, you’re agreeably tipsy.
“May I?” You can feel the heat of him, warm and strangely comforting. At your nod, his hands tentatively resting on your hips. They’re a welcome weight.
“And they say chivalry is dead,” you murmur. It’s not loss on the newcomer, head tilted down and lingering at the juncture of your neck. You know he’s tall, much taller than you, with the way you gingerly lean into him, upper back meeting the cold metal of his belt.
“I’m nothing if not a gentleman,” he answers. His voice is so smooth, like a glass of aged wine.
You move to turn, but he stops you gently. “You might not like what you see.” For the first time, his tone breaks a little, uncertainty and a tinge of fear edging it.
“I don’t care,” you say, gripping his hand and pivoting on your heels.
His eyes are downcast, bangs covering his expression. You know him, those broad shoulders and thick lips. That beautiful, half-smile he sports.
“Are you sure you want this?”
“I don’t care,” you repeat, cupping his cheeks. A blush rises, complexion reddening lightly. Uncharacteristic of him, thought you suspect it is actually more him than anything else he pretends to be.
His mouth is hot and unbelievably soft, arms drawing you close as he runs his tongue over the seam of your lips.
“Come with me?” He asks quietly, smiling shyly as he tucks a strand behind your ear. You press your forehead against his. “Yeah.”
.
.
.
You laugh into his kiss as he elbows the door open, unable to pull your hands away from each other as they roam the firm expanse of his chest, the first few buttons of his dress shirt torn open, exposing that lovely golden skin you’ve been craving.
“Jessica-noona, please—”
Pulling away at the eerily recognizable voice, it takes you a moment to register what you’re seeing.
A pregnant pause fills the now exceedingly claustrophobic space as Jungkook’s eyes widen, staring at you with panic filled orbs.
“Ah. Sorry, didn’t know this was occupied already,” you say after a beat. You don’t waver, flashing them an apologetic, tight-lipped smile as you close the door, pulling your momentary lover with you.
“I’m sorry you had to see that,” he blurts immediately when you find a secluded corner. It’s cute, the way he’s anxiously fretting over it.
“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it,” you assure him. You smooth your hands over his front, trying your best to fix his dishevelled appearance.
“Hey. Hey, what’s wrong?” He tips your chin up, and you hate the concern in his expression.
“I’m fine. I don’t feel very well, though,” you say regretfully. You give him a small but genuine smile. He allows you to slip away from his grasp hesitantly.
“Please drink plenty of water and rest up,” he murmurs, kiss the crown of your head. “I’m sorry the night couldn’t have ended on a more positive note.”
“Thank you,” you say, squeezing his hand gratefully. You take one last look wistfully, at those deliciously swollen lips and mussed locks, before disappearing back into the crowd.
[11:49] you: not feeling well :( drank too much. heading out, enjoy your night everyone <3
You leave Kim Seokjin standing there, the neon lights flickering over his silhouette as he watches you leave.
You’re going to go home and try your best to scrub the image of Jungkook with his dick in another woman’s mouth.
.
.
.
“Hey.” A cool, firm hand shakes you out of your daze.
“Oh.” You blink. “Yoongi. Hi.” Just your luck. You guess everyone’s here tonight.
The night is cold, a chilling breeze ruffling your hair.
He doesn’t ask if you’re okay, or how you’re doing. His gaze is unsettling, eyes sharp and almost knowing. He doesn’t say much at all, really.
He just gives you his leather jacket, telling you to be careful and to be safe tonelessly.
He shoves his hands in his pockets and trudge back into the building.
Your Uber arrives before you can say anything more, however.
So you shrug it off, resolving to thank him the next morning, and step into the vehicle.
.
.
.
“Idiots, all of you,” Yoongi seethes, whirling around to glare at the three boys that sit on the couch, awkwardly pressed together as they looked away.
“Joon, how could you possibly think a folder and an apology was going to solve the problem?”
Namjoon shrinks, dropping his gaze in shame. “I—I …”
“And you! Jungkook, how could you do that? You effectively acted like some—some uncultured fratboy!” He fumes. The boy in question has his jaw clenched, fingers curled into fists as he stares at his lap.
“Jin-hyung,” Yoongi whirls onto the eldest. He puts up a hand instantly. “That’s enough, Yoongi. We all know where we messed up. What you’re doing here isn’t constructive. Now, the real question is: how can we fix this?”
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alright y’all it’s time for the finale.
-bad moon rising kinda slaps also i love zoeys sweater
-i love how zoey doesn’t know the names of the songs she hears
-god the suspense in this episode was so bad the first time i watched it
-listen i love this episode. BUT i don’t love the tobin and leif are only in one scene. (that being said leif looks extra cute in said scene and tobin bragging about his high cholesterol is iconic)
-what are smart pants
- *about max getting fired* “i’ve had a terrible feeling something bad was gonna happen and this is clearly it” oh zoey. sweet, innocent zoey.
-the conversation with zoey max and simon is so awkward oh my god-
-yES SIMON HIT THOSE HIGH NOTES
-aH the light falling scared me
-“those jousters- brave. bold. inspiring.”
-damn zoey is commited to getting mo and eddie back together
-mo your outfit is iconic ily
-“could be a game changer. for my nipples!”
-ok quick side rant about how bad i feel for david this episode. he started the day thinking his baby was going to be born, that he was going to be a father and mitch would meet his grandson. by the end of the day, he wasn’t a father and his dad was dead.
-WHAT IS THAT SCENE WITH THE MRI MACHINE SUPPOSED TO MEAN
-i’m happy for joan and her promotion and all but WHAT DID DANNY MICHAEL DAVIS DO WHY IS HE GOING TO JAIL I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT HIM
-awWwwWwwwWWWWWWWWWW (zoey and max are adorable)
-god i want someone to sing ‘all of me’ to me is that too much to ask
-zoey just wanting max to shut up and make out with her is great
-OH MY GOD I FORGOT ABOUT THIS (max stop shaking your ass)
-they really gave us that sweet zoey x max scene and then IMMEDIATELY went into mitch dying, huh
-“i let him know exactly how i feel about his daughter” “i’m pretty sure he already knows” 🥺🥺🥺
- GOD IM SO EMOTIONAL OVER ‘goodnight my angel’ (seriously though i’m so glad they gave david and mitch a song together in the end)
-did simon make an entire lasagna in between max calling him and his talk with zoey?? i’m impressed.
-both max and simon are so sweet and supportive of zoey GOD I LOVE THEM
-wait hold on i legitimately forgot maggie sings to mitch one last time this is so sad i can not take it
-howie i love you so much (his speech about death really hits different)
-ok disclaimer: i didn’t actually cry the first time i watched this. idk why, maybe bc i was watching with my family. but tonight, sitting alone in the dark, i was SOBBING. full on sobbing. from true colors reprise to the end of the episode i was a wreck.
-the scene where zoey and mitch are dancing is BEATIFUL.
-i could write a whole essay analyzing american pie but i won’t. i’ll just say that it is perfect.
-i can’t express with words how incredible this ending is. it’s so so so beautifully done and it is so real and emotional and raw and just,,,,,, wow.
this show means the world to me and i can’t believe it’s only been a month since it’s ended. it’s what’s getting me through quarantine and i thank all the cast and crew so much for that. 💗
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dramashita · 4 years
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It’s a Love Story - Day 6
Summary: Wen Qing moves to Yunmeng to be closer to her brother. She never expected her ugly suitcase to bring someone like Jiang Yanli to her life. A series in connections, family, and the love that binds them. (Yanqing, Nielan, Wangxian, Sangcheng, maybe others?)
Day 1 , Day 2 , Day 3 , Day 4 , Day 5
6. Nie Mingjue - discipline | lie | lost
Every morning, Nie Mingjue runs through his forms with the rise of the sun. Huaisang would never believe it if he told him, but Nie Mingjue does not particularly enjoy waking early. More than one alarm clock has been unfairly damaged in his fight to become an early riser. Over time, however, he’s found that starting the day earlier allows him the time to collect his thoughts and gives him a sense of structure that helps him manage the day. 
This morning, he finds his thoughts wandering away from him. 
Focus, he reminds himself, concentrating on the stretch of his arms and the bend of his legs. Be one in body and soul. 
Before his collapse at the last wushu competition, he would train until the intensity made his heart race and adrenaline pumped through his veins, which left no room in his head for stray thoughts or musings. Although kinder on his body than the Shaolin kung fu, Tai Chi takes more inward focus and awareness than he’s used to. He’s made a lot of progress in a year, but it will be a while yet before it comes naturally to him. Some days are harder than others. 
December is an entire month away, but it could be tomorrow for as much as he feels fixated on it right now. He breathes in, tries to let the thoughts flow out of him on the exhale. 
It’s just that Lan Xichen remains his biggest distraction. He aches for news of him. He knows he’s in Yunmeng with his little brother. He knows he works in a cardiac unit at one of the connected hospitals. It’s a big reason Nie Mingjue agreed to travel all the way to Yunmeng’s medical center instead of receiving care in Qinghe. But that’s where his knowledge ends. 
Once upon a time, the things he knew about Lan Xichen could fill an encyclopedia. Now it feels like he couldn’t even write a page. He hopes it’s not true. There has to be more for them. What’s two years to a lifetime? 
Once upon a time, he knew Lan Xichen would say yes. He has to believe they can get back to that. 
Love without imposing your own will. He recites the words in his head with each careful step as he moves into another form. Let events take their course. Have without possessing. Lead without trying to control.
At the finish of his last form, he lets his muscles relax and focuses on his breathing, touches his fingers to his neck and checks his heart rate. It’s within his safe zone, so he moves into stretching out the tendons in his wrists and ankles right as Nie Huaisang bursts into their hotel suite with a mighty scowl and bags in both hands. 
“The only reason I am up at this hour is because you’re dying. You better be grateful!” he gripes, holding out a bag.  
Nie Mingjue rolls his eyes, taking it. “I’m not dying.” He peeks inside and frowns. “Congee? That’s it? Wait, what’s in yours?”
Nie Huaisang stuffs the remaining bags behind his back. “They’re fried, da-ge. You can’t eat them. It’s bad for your heart!” 
Ah, it must be youtiao. Nie Mingjue narrows his eyes, assessing. Nie Huaisang stares back. He has his back to the tiny table connected to the wall in the open space next to the kitchenette. Approaching from either side leaves plenty of space for him to weasel away. A frontal assault then. 
“Da-ge!” He shouts as Nie Mingjue lunges, backing into the table before he tries to scramble to the left into the room. Too late. Nie Mingjue maneuvers him into a headlock and plucks the bag from his fingers, crowing in victory. “You can’t eat it!” he protests, trying to twist out the hold. 
“If I die, I will die over youtiao!” Nie Mingjue retorts. “Besides, my cholesterol is fine. It’s not that kind of problem. Stop trying to kill me off. And stop stealing all my food!” He lets go of his brother to unload their breakfast onto the table. A few of the youtiao have been squashed, but they’ll taste the same anyway.  
“If they’re unhappy with your blood work next week, I’m going to say I told you so,” Nie Huaisang says, fixing his hair with a sigh before giving up to sit and eat. 
Nie Mingjue ignores him. “Did you talk to Zhonghui?” 
“Mm, we facetimed. He says your kids are all doing fine. He’ll call you after their grading today.” He laughs. “He’ll probably have videos for you, so watch out. Don’t spend all night reviewing their forms.”  
“Relax. When are you going to stop nagging me? That’s my job.”  
Nie Huaisang waves off his question. “Da-ge, there’s something else you should know.” 
Nie Mingjue pauses, setting down his spoon. His brother doesn’t usually talk straight. Huaisang jokes around topics or presents them as gossip. Sometimes he drops little breadcrumbs of information into a conversation until the listener draws their own conclusions. 
“Yesterday, while you were getting the ultrasound, I ran into Meng Yao.” 
Nie Mingjue doesn’t have a blood pressure problem, but that name might give him one. “What’s he doing in Yunmeng?” 
Nie Huaisang just looks at him. “What are we doing in Yunmeng?” 
“Getting heart surgery, that’s what. I’m not sure that one even has a heart to operate on.” He stops. Sighs. “That was mean.” 
Nie Huaisang shrugs. The battle lines were drawn two years ago and he’s never wavered in his support of Nie Mingjue. He’d been hurt by the lies as well. “I don’t care. Say worse. The only thing I got from him was that he’s working for his father now. He’s technically here on business. It’s not important. You and I both know he’s really here for Xichen-ge.” 
“Huaisang, what’s the point of this? I don’t care what he does anymore.” 
“Well, you probably should if you plan to talk to Xichen-ge again. Have you even called him to let him know we’re here? That you’re getting surgery?” 
He hasn’t. For all that he believes they can fix things, picking up the phone seems an insurmountable task. He’s thought about it a million times, fingers hovering over numbers he knows by heart. He’d thought about it the night before his final competition. He’d thought about it every day in the hospital after. He’d thought about it before he went to bed last night and again this morning. 
He could sooner count all the stars in the sky than stop loving Xichen. He’s just not sure anymore that it’s enough. That he’s enough.
“You don’t have to pour your heart out over one phone call, though I know that’s your style,” Huaisang continues. Nie Mingjue flicks a piece of napkin at him.  “Start small. Even a text would work.” 
“Small?” He could do small. Probably. 
“Yeah, like — Hi. I have something to tell you.” 
“That’s it?” 
“That’s it. Why am I having to teach you this? You’re not that old.” 
“Brat.” 
It really does sound simple coming from Huaisang. He picks up his phone from the table. 
Hi. I have something to tell you. 
                         ...Mingjue? I’m here. I’m listening.
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mattzerella-sticks · 4 years
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Supernatural Crack🩹tober
Day 13 - Season 35
           Dean sits on the motel bed, hunched over, waiting for his aches to stop. Back twinging even though he followed the doctor’s instructions. Did the exercises with the rubber band that left him winded before the day began. However Dean knew that, because of this cheap mattress he slept on, it’d be a bad day for his back.
           He hears the bathroom door open, not turning. If he so much as glanced behind him, the pain would shoot up from his lower back and totally wipe him out. Dean waits until Sam’s feet shuffle into view. “You were in there long.” He inches further upright, steady and careful, gaze trailing up his brother’s body.
           Clad in only a towel, Sam’s gut overhung slightly. Seeing it never failed at brightening his day. He always droned on about how a healthy diet and exercise would keep him looking fit through his golden years. Dean never bothered with any of that nonsense. Now they both had roughly the same physique, albeit Dean was a little slimmer. A fact he mentions whenever he can. Moving past that, however, he continues and meets Sam’s sunken gaze, hazel dimmed and sullen. He asks what’s wrong.
           Sam touches his graying hair, locks barely past his ears. “I found more in the drain today,” he admits, frowning, “I spent… a lot of time looking at the – the spot.”
           “The spot.” Sam’s special name for the bald circle on the back of his head. “It get larger?”
           “Unfortunately.”
           Dean hums a pitiable note, and then smirks. Flicks a wrinkled hand at the hair over his shoulder, “Sucks you got the crappy hair genes I guess.” His hair changed over the years, too. He let it grow long, deciding that at least one of them should have the luscious locks. Sam relinquishing that title on his fortieth birthday, when the spot was a tenth of the size it is today. Scowling, Sam purses his lips in response; Dean laughing louder because of it.
           He can’t enjoy much these days. His favorite foods could kill him. Dean’s body breaks far easier than it had. There’s nothing on television because it’s all on the computers, and even then the options suck. And worst of all, he doesn’t cruise anymore. Not after his last time when he overheard two brats laughing at his come-ons. Sex wasn’t worth mockery. The only thing left he can do is annoy Sam.
           “Whatever,” Sam says, searching through his duffel, “I’ve covered most of it with what’s left. Are you gonna get ready today or am I going to interview these witnesses on my own?”
           “Yeah, yeah. I’m coming… I’m coming…” Dean rises, stumbling somewhat. Gripping the bedpost as his knees wobble and protest. Luckily, he stays upright, and Dean feels confident enough he stands without aid. Reaches for a nearby hair tie on the nightstand and makes a low pony. Then Dean grabs for the plastic, 7-day pillbox and slowly walks over to the sink.
           One for his cholesterol. One for his back pain. One for the arthritis mangling his pinkie fingers and another that he cannot remember and so on and so on. It’s become routine, filling the glass, downing the handful of pills like candy and washing it down with water. He doesn’t question their purpose. As long as they keep working. And keep him working.
           He hears a flutter of wings near the door, and Dean turns. Castiel sits on the chair closest to it, rumpled trench coat and all. Looking far younger than the Winchesters thanks to divine interference. After Jack banished Chuck from their universe, he took his place up top and killed the handicaps placed on angel’s powers decades ago by Metatron. Castiel went with Jack, becoming his most trusted advisor. But he still deigned visits with them when he could. Filling the brothers in on angel business or helping on a case. It hurt, sometimes, when they asked if he were their nurse. Dean thinks Castiel looked more their age with the number of wrinkles across his face. But angel grace trumps pills in the fight against age.
           “Dean, Sam,” he rumbles glancing between the two. In the time between Dean grabbing his pills and swallowing them, Sam threw on jeans and a plaid shirt. “Are you two in the middle of something important?”
           “No,” Sam tells him, “just a ghost hunt. Why? What’s the matter?”
           Castiel frowns, sneaking a quick peek at Dean. Dean appreciates the gesture, fondness swelling in his heart and easing his angina. How he loves that angel. But, clear from the other’s choices, Dean’s feelings were unreciprocated.  He is quite content, though, with not voicing his desires and the time Castiel spends with them. Even if sixty percent of it was usually about business. Like this conversation looked to be.
           “It appears that there was a flare up in the universal warding keeping God out,” Castiel explains, “and, according to my sources, someone is trying to help him break through.”
           “Is it Amara?”
           “Or Amara’s kid?”
           “What about that coven of witches from Russia – the ones with all that chaos magic?”
           “Dean, they were all wiped out remember? The power burned them from the inside out?”
           “Oh, yeah… they were pretty hot.”
           Castiel clears his throat, drawing them from bickering. “It appears,” Castiel says, “that it is Jack’s sister.”
           Dean’s knees falter again, and he holds onto the sink for dear life. “Jack has a sister?” he asks, spluttering, “How is it we’ve gone all this time and we are only finding out just now that Jack has a sister!”
           Shrugging, Castiel continues. “Apparently, as Jack was being born, Chuck stole her thinking she was Jack. But when he realized what happened, he locked her on another plane. That seal was destroyed in your last battle with Billie, when she granted you those extra years –“
           “It’s like we’ll never end!”
           “And she must have found out about Jack’s life,” he says, “grew jealous of what he got.”
           Dean recovers, advancing on the angel. “So… what is it you’d have us do?”
           Castiel reaches for a scroll inside his coat, handing it over. “There’s an artifact of great power buried in the deserts of New Mexico –“
           “Pretty convenient,” Sam says, stuffing his foot into an orthopedic shoe, “wasn’t the last one in New Mexico, too?”
           “No, it was in Texas,” Dean corrects him. “But, yeah… we’re lucky everything’s just a drive away.”
           “In the deserts of New Mexico,” Castiel speaks louder now, “you’ll find the Quill of Ramidiel.”
           “A quill? What’s so important about a quill?”
           “It has the power to rewrite fate.”
           “You’ve been sitting on this fucking thing for how long?” Dean yells, vision blackening from his anger. “We could’ve use that for so many fights! Like the Alpha Hellhound or the – or when vamps started trending on Twitter and the secret nearly got out! Hell, we could’ve rewritten God to be kinder and leave us alone!”
           Castiel remains stoic, voice a cool growl. “The stakes have never been more important than they are now. You must hurry, before she finds the quill and changes everything.” He disappears, chair empty once more.
           Dean strangles the scroll, fondness poisoned by Cas’s retreat. Emotions always like the tides in regards to the angel. Overwhelmed by them, he misses Sam’s approach. Flinches when his brother takes the scroll. “So,” he opens it, reading, “what do you want to do?”
           The answer’s the same, isn’t it? Always. Never breaking for a single moment. Fighting bads that get bigger and badder each time. “What we gotta do Sammy,” he sighs, tiredly, “we get to work.”
(Day 12 - Moondorsonas)
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forcedrug0 · 4 years
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Amino Acids For Plants.
Dbal Types, Crazybulk Bewertung
Content
Ostarine As Well As Ligandrol Enhance Muscle Mass Tissue In An Ovariectomized Rat Model.
Modern Technology.
Company Summary For Sarms Ventures Restricted (.
Tumor.
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Individuals commonly have feelings of shame and disgust at their lack of control during and also after binge eating, which can enhance that cycle of adverse feelings, constraint as well as binge eating once again. People with binge eating disorder consume huge amounts of food over a short amount of time.
This not only leads to enhanced muscle mass development but likewise results in muscle mass retention and also the development of new muscular tissue cells. This SARM was at first created to aid people suffering from muscle loss, but it's primarily made use of by body builders to avoid muscle wasting. GHSRs are additionally found in the locations of the brain that regulate hunger, mood, enjoyment, memory, biological rhythms, cognitive functions, and memory. When you take Ibutamoren, you'll not just lose fat and construct muscle yet will certainly likewise feel better and more sharp, improving your health and fitness performance. A big part of this factor is just how Ligandrol increases your energy.
Ostarine And Also Ligandrol Enhance Muscle Cells In An Ovariectomized Rat Design.
You'll have the ability to exercise for longer as well as can sustain much more extreme training sessions, which will certainly bring about some serious muscle gains. is one of the most effective muscle-building SARMs on the market. It only takes a few weeks for Ligandrol to work, even after a solitary cycle. Body builders will additionally experience other benefits when making use of Ostarine, such as enhanced bone thickness and also faster healing time. Bodybuilding deals many physical benefits as well as can enhance your figure. When S.A.R.Ms bind to the receptor they show anabolic and also hypertrophic task in both muscle mass and also bone.
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People may find it hard to stop throughout a binge even if they wish to. Some people with binge eating disorder have defined feeling disconnected from what they're doing during a binge, or even struggling to keep in mind what they've eaten later on. Lots of people recommend that the product is administered only as soon as every four weeks, dbal kinds.
Innovation.
Manufacturers should examine each product in independent labs, which need to provide their consent for sporting activities supplements to show up on the market. Without it, clients may doubt the correctness as well as safety of the item as well as not buy it. Some SARMs had actually been checked years before they were authorized for usage. Although costliness is a family member term, most users will certainly agree that the rates of SARMs are high.
Unlike individuals with bulimia, they do not typically follow this by getting rid of the food via, as an example, throwing up, though occasionally they could quickly in between binges. BED is not about selecting to eat big portions, neither are people who deal with it simply "overeating"-- far from being satisfying, binges are extremely stressful, usually including a much bigger quantity of food than a person would want to eat.
Business Review For Sarms Enterprises Limited (.
On top of that, cycle assistance decreases the opportunity you'll experience any kind of negative effects. Several PCT supplements include natural vitamins, minerals, as well as herbs such as ashwagandha remove, Tribulus Terrestris essence, Rhodiola Rosea essence, vitamin E, as well as saw palmetto essence. provensarms The Benefits And Disadvantages Of Sarm Sarm will certainly stabilize hormonal agents while enhancing body structure and your overall feeling of health. Yet there specify supplements that body builders and also anybody taking SARMs should use. Supplements include vitamins, minerals, fats, amino acids, as well as various other useful ingredients. People take supplements for even more reasons than health and fitness advantages. Supplements contain important vitamins, minerals, and also various other compounds that enhance your wellness.
Does Vitaminhoppe sell SARMs?
SARMs are drugs and they are not dietary supplements. Using the internet one can easily find SARMs for sale. The bigger retail stores like GNC and Vitamin Shoppe do not carry them, but the smaller independently owned supplement stores are notorious for distributing SARMs.
While brand in the Buy SARMs industry are necessary to muscle gain, it is advised you take BCAAs with protein supplements, specifically whey healthy protein. BCAAs promote muscle healthy protein synthesis, which is the process of building muscle. It's also stated that BCAAs reduce muscle damages in addition to the size and also extent of delayed start muscle soreness, encouraging bodybuilders to lift extra. High-quality cycle support supplements contain active ingredients such as grape seed remove, Tribulus Terrestris essence, vitamin E, N-Acetyl-I-Cysteine, saw palmetto essence, celery seed extract, and hawthorn berry. Cycle support shields essential physical functions, such as cardiovascular, liver, prostate, and cholesterol health and additionally supports your blood pressure.
Tumor.
Binges might be planned like a ritual as well as can entail the individual buying "unique" binge foods, or they may be much more spontaneous. Individuals might most likely to extreme lengths to accessibility food-- for instance, consuming food that has been thrown away or stealing food. Binge eating generally takes place secretive, though the person might eat normal meals outside their binges. People with binge eating problem may likewise restrict their diet or place in specific guidelines around food-- this can likewise result in them binge eating because of hunger as well as feelings of deprival.
It deserves noting that Cardarine itself was initially recommended as a means to combat excessive weight.
SARM-type mass tablets from this team allow to burn fat cells without shedding muscle cells.
SARMs for weight reduction and aid in building a brand-new one consist of Ibutamoren, Cardarine and Endurobol.
Typically when I stop with my steroids, my strength decreases and I am losing weight.
SARMs were really discovered by mishap in the 90s when cancer cells researcher James Dalton recognized the molecule andarine, or S-4, which came to be the first-ever SARM.
I obtained it for myself, not as much to be getting mass but more or less for after steroid cycle.
This would certainly be similar to a SARMS three-way stack that is usually ran with Ostarine, other than there is an opportunity of more dimension being put on while cutting. An excellent dosage for this technique would certainly be 3-5 mg a day for 8 weeks. LGD has revealed one of the most capacity of any type of SARM to place on size that can be considered a mass. rises, and also have had a considerable boost in calorie consumption. An advise dosage for this kind of goal would certainly be 5-10 mg day for 8 weeks. If you disable this cookie, we will not be able to conserve your preferences. This means that every single time you see this site you will certainly need to allow or disable cookies again.
Types Of Bonds In Biological Particles.
Being uncertain of any of the above can show that you shouldn't be taking efficiency enhancers right now-- this is due to the fact that your body still has the capability to enhance normally. Just when you can not improve any longer would I recommend taking into consideration taking performance enhancers. Appreciate that performance enhancers will not make you buff by themselves. As your body reacts, you might really feel a lack of cravings, but this ought to not put you off from sticking to your diet regimen. The most effective SARMs available for sale come with clear and detailed directions.
How long should you take Mk 677?
Previous studies in humans demonstrated that daily oral administration of MK-677 in healthy older adults,8 GH-deficient adults9 for 4 weeks, and GH-deficient children10 for 7 days increased serum GH, IGF-I, and IGF binding protein (IGFBP)-3 concentrations.
A considerably higher intramuscular fat web content of the quadriceps femoris muscular tissue was observed in the OVX+LG 4 group compared with the Non-OVX team. In OVX rats, the fat web content of the muscle did not differ from that in the other teams. All rats obtained a soy-free rodent diet regimen (ssniff Spezial Diät GmbH, Soest, Germany) throughout the experiment. OS as well as LG were supplied with the soy-free diet regimen (ssniff Spezial Diät GmbH).
Purely Necessary Cookie must be enabled at all times so that we can conserve your preferences for cookie settings. It suggests that buyers have proper security when looking for sports supplements, both online as well as offline. Authorities are reacting extremely promptly and also capturing scammers offering fake SARMs.
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The gastrocnemius muscular tissue, soleus muscular tissue, as well as longissimus muscle were extracted. The GM and SM were weighed as well as all muscles were frozen in liquid nitrogen and stored at − 80 ° C up until additional analyses. Either left or best muscular tissues were utilized arbitrarily in either histological or enzyme analyses. In Experiment II, intramuscular fat content was established in the quadriceps femoris muscle mass in Non-OVX, OVX, as well as OVX+LG 4 groups.
The staying food in the cage was evaluated weekly to determine the average everyday food consumption of a rat by splitting these information by days between the evaluating as well as variety of rats in a cage. The ordinary daily dose of OS and also LG was determined based upon the day-to-day food intake and the mean BW in the cage on the particular week. After 13 weeks post-OVX, all pets were euthanized under CO2 anesthetic. Blood serum was gathered for more analysis of creatine kinase as a marker of muscle mass damage.
CRN updates guidelines on SARMs, caffeine - NutraIngredients-usa.com
CRN updates guidelines on SARMs, caffeine.
Posted: Mon, 09 Jul 2018 07:00:00 GMT [source]
If you have not gotten any, part three has been made to assist you obtain the most out of your cycle. Perfect for those who do not take pleasure in having a healthy and balanced level of testosterone. I actually lost weight no strength obtains no anything basically. My diet plan is really much better than its ever before been training is good too. It will radiate more-so if ran in conjunction with SARMS S-4 as well as Cardarine (GW ).
However, they are still associated with venous thromboembolism as well as stroke. C4 (frequently referred to as pre-workout) supplies an increase of high levels of caffeine and also various other active ingredients to increase endurance, power, and also performance. It's perfect for body builders of all degrees, however you must adhere to dosing instructions carefully.
OS as well as LG are still being investigated in professional trials, and neither have been accepted as therapies to this factor. There are no studies reporting in vivo impacts of OS and also LG on postmenopausal muscle mass framework and metabolism. The objective of the present research study was to check out the impact of OS and also LG on the muscle mass tissue of ovariectomized rats as the typical design for postmenopausal problems. The OS impact on bone tissue and also pet design as a component of Experiment I has actually been lately published. Hormonal agent substitute therapy in postmenopausal women is connected with severe adverse effects, such as a boosted risk of coronary heart problem, bust cancer, stroke, as well as venous thromboembolism. Nevertheless, it is still one of the most reliable therapy for postmenopausal signs and for meticulously picked women, advantages might exceed risks. Selective estrogen receptor modulators have useful results on the musculoskeletal system like estrogen, they have less negative occasions on busts and also the womb.
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