#i can’t believe this song isn’t on Spotify anymore

[clementine-thedestroyer]

Ghost is the type to fuck you in the back of a Hot Topic.

[whatacaitastrophe]

Is It Over Now - Chapter 5

Previous Chapter

Chapter Song Inspiration: "Vertigo" - Griff

Chapter Warnings: none!

Spotify Playlist: Here

Chapter Notes: if you have read this fic, liked it, reblogged it, or left comments THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. keep the comments coming bc i love hearing your feedback (and like tinkerbell, i need applause to live).

Chapter 5: You're Scared of Love, Well Aren't We All?

After well over two hundred years of living (so to speak), Astarion didn’t think it was possible for him to be surprised by anything anymore. He felt as though he’d seen it, done it, heard it, read it, written the book, and adapted the stage play. Perhaps his attitude towards the world makes him jaded, but who wouldn’t be after what Astarion has been through?

Though nothing, truly nothing, could have prepared him for the feeling of Fallon’s soft lips pressed against his. Once his shock subsides, Astarion gives into the kiss and presses his mouth back on hers with only a little bit of urgency. Like if he pushes her too far she might break. His hands move from Fallon’s shoulders to her hips, and Astarion pulls her body closer to his. Fallon’s fingers move into his curls, and the feeling of someone running their hands through his hair again sends a shiver down his spine. Gods, Astarion cannot even begin to remember how many times he’s imagined a moment like this with her.

Astarion isn’t the only person in this room who couldn’t help but flirt with everyone he encountered. Their friendship has always been a touch flirty, because that’s just how they both were. It was a game they’ve played since they met. They’d flirt, exchange playful smirks, and then Fallon would repeatedly deny her physical attraction to him. Of course, Astarion could tell from her body language and the way her heart picked up every time he bit her that it was a lie, but a physical attraction did not mean he ever had her heart.

No, her heart always belonged to Gale; and prior to the wizard’s shocking display of selfishness that day on the docks, Astarion always assumed that in order for Fallon to give someone her body, they had to lay claim to her heart as well. That theory was sufficiently debunked as soon as Fallon began drinking herself to death, fucking anyone and everyone she deemed the slightest bit worthy.

It’s this little reminder in his brain that brings the moment to a screeching halt, and any desire he feels for the woman in front of him is suppressed by Astarion’s own insecurities. “Fallon,” He pulls away from her, pushing Fallon back gently to put some space between them. “We can’t. I– I can’t.”

Astarion hates the look on her face when he denies her; the mixture of hurt and confusion only confirms his decision to put a stop to it before they go too far. “Why not?”

“Because you just nearly had a panic attack after hearing the name of another man.” he tries to explain it to her gently, but saying the words out loud also sends a surge of hurt and anger of his own through his body; both with Fallon for trying to use him in this way, and with himself for falling for it. “I know what you’re doing, because I’ve done it, and I have enough self-respect to not be reduced to the level of a nameless drow you’ll let take you in a damned alleyway.”

Self-respect that Astarion has now, largely in part to having met Fallon two years ago. She had been the one who showed him he was worth more than what Cazador forced him to do, who Cazador turned him into. Fallon was the one who single-handedly convinced Astarion not to complete the Black Mass, because she believed Astarion was stronger than that. That he deserved a better life, and he could be a better person. The words fall off of his tongue, and they’re much more bitter than he wanted them to be. How easy it still was for people to forget he does have a heart, even if it doesn’t beat anymore, and Astarion can’t help but resent Fallon a little bit in this moment for that, too.

Thankfully, he does not need to explain himself further, and Fallon takes another step away from him. She bites her lip, and Astarion hates that he’s the reason there are now tears forming in the corners of her eyes. It’s almost enough for him to give in and kiss her again, just to make those go away; but if he’s learned anything since meeting the elf in front of him, it’s that giving in won’t do either of them any good. Not when Astarion is pretty sure that sex with Fallon will mean much more to him than it will to her.

“You’re right. I’m– I’m sorry, Astarion. You don’t deserve that, especially after everything you’ve done for me.” Fallon breathes and her eyes begin desperately looking around the sitting room, eyes flitting to a new spot every few seconds as she tries to avoid looking at Astarion altogether. “I think I’m going to take a walk. Maybe I’ll go find Shadowheart and let her apologize.” Fallon brushes past Astarion, and guilt settles in his chest. “What? No, you don’t have to go. I’ll go. You’re the one who actually lives here.”

Fallon turns around as she walks and she finally looks Astarion in the eyes again. “It’s the middle of the day, Astarion. Where are you going to go?” She points out sadly, because he is indeed trapped here until the sun sets. Fallon turns back around, but when she gets to the door, she pauses again. Fallon looks over her shoulder at Astarion. “I hope you know that you do mean more to me than some nameless drow I fucked in an alleyway. As a person, as a friend, as anything else. I’m sorry if my actions made you think otherwise.

With that, she exits the suite and Astarion lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. He goes over to the couch, sinking down onto it with a heavy sigh. He runs his hands over his face and through his hair. “Shit.”

~*~

The streets of Baldur’s Gate are bustling with people finishing their shopping for the Winter Solstice. In another lifetime, the Winter Solstice used to be Fallon’s favorite holiday. The decorations, the way mages and clerics across the city used their combined powers to make it seem as though the trees and buildings twinkled. Even during the years she spent Winter Solstice on her own, the general atmosphere was enough to lift her spirits. The last Winter Solstice hadn’t gone as she expected, having assumed she would be spending it in Waterdeep– not getting outrageously drunk with Rolan, Lia, and Cal at The Elfsong and then crying herself to sleep. She supposes this year won’t be much different other than the fact that she now has to attend a damn ball; and instead of getting outrageously drunk with the tieflings, it will be with Astarion.

Assuming Astarion doesn’t abandon her after the way she treated him just now. If he does, or if he decides that he no longer wants Fallon to join him on his journey to Asha, Fallon wouldn’t blame him at all.

Finding Shadowheart is rather easy, because if there is one thing Fallon knows about her friend, it’s that they both have a ball to attend in the coming days, and the silver-haired cleric likes to shop. The Facemaker’s Boutique is as busy as expected for this time of year, and Fallon is certain that Figaro and his staff are working overtime to fill all of the orders they’re receiving. Fallon offers the clerk at the main desk a small wave before walking deeper into the shop, where she finds Shadowheart being doted on by none other than Figaro himself. Presently, he has Shadowheart in a green, floor-length gown with long sleeves and an open back. The sleeves are sheer lace, and Fallon takes notice of the intricate details of moons and stars woven into the lace. The color compliments her hair and eyes, and Fallon doesn’t think there’s another word to describe her friend other than “radiant."

“Lae’zel is going to lose her mind when she sees you in that dress.” Fallon comments, announcing her presence to the room. Shadowheart looks up at her through the mirror’s reflection, and she looks incredibly relieved. Figaro turns to face her and makes an enthusiastic noise.

“Lady Fallon, dearest! It has been far too long since I’ve seen your face in my shop. You look malnourished. Are you eating? Lady Shadowheart, are you feeding her?” Hearing someone use the titles they all inherited after The Netherbrain was defeated is still strange to Fallon, mostly because the people she’s surrounded herself with as of late always forgo the formalities. The first time a staff member at The Elfsong called her “Lady Fallon,” she’d laughed and demanded they never use the title again.

“Malnourished is a bit dramatic, don’t you think, Figaro?” Fallon laughs lightly. The dwarf only rolls his eyes.

“Unfortunately, I’ve been out of the city for quite some time, so the responsibility of keeping Fallon fed and watered has fallen to other people.” Shadowheart’s eyes don’t leave Fallon’s, shining apologetically. Likely both for being gone, and for what she’d said earlier. “Figaro, sweetheart, could you give the two of us a moment? Fallon is also in need of a dress for this ball. Perhaps you already have something that’s gone unused that can be easily tailored? She’s been quite busy as of late, so I expect placing an advance order likely slipped her mind.”

“Yes, yes of course, Lady Shadowheart! In fact, I do. I started working on something a month or so ago at the request of Lord Astarion. I assumed you’d be in at some point this week to retrieve it. I’ll be back shortly.”

Fallon tries to push down the emotions that fill her at Figaro’s confession, but her reflection in the mirror suggests she’s doing a terrible job. The dwarf is barely out of the fitting room before Shadowheart is picking up her skirts and dashing towards Fallon and embracing her tightly. “I’m so sorry.” she apologies into Fallon’s hair before pulling back to look at her. “I’m so stupid, I shouldn’t have assumed you were doing well. You just seemed to be in such good spirits, so I thought– I’m so sorry. Did I say I’m sorry?”

“Yes, you said sorry,” Fallon chuckles and releases herself from Shadowheart’s embrace. “Besides, I forgave you the moment you were kicked out.”

Shadowheart rolls her eyes as she disappears behind the privacy wall in the room to change back into her regular clothes. “Yes, I’d planned to ask you what the hells that was about? Since when has Astarionion become so… protective?”

“Probably the moment he found me drunker than a kobold in a wine barrel, bent over a stack of crates in The Elfsong’s alleyway, being fucked by someone whom I couldn’t tell you what he looked like, even if he were stood in this room.”

Her friend snorts with laughter. “Well I suppose that’s one way to cope. Maybe not the recommended way, but…to each their own,” To each their own, indeed. “Is that the real reason he’s moved in with you as well?”

“Probably, even if he’d never admit it,” Fallon sighs. “Though, now that I’ve gone and done the most idiotic thing I could have possibly done, I imagine he’ll be moving out this evening.”

Shadowheart emerges from behind the divider with a puzzled expression. “What on earth did you do? Agree with me and tell him that he’s acting like your guard dog?”

Before Fallon can answer, Figaro returns with a gown of deep burgundy gown shimmering on his arm. She doesn’t need to try it on to know it’s beautiful. She exchanges looks with Shadowheart. There’s a softness in her friend’s eyes she usually reserves for Lae’zel, but a gesture that one could only describe as “romantic” was apparently an exception. All it does is make Fallon feel worse.

Fallon thanks Figaro as she takes the gown from him to try on. Once behind the divider Fallon truly takes a moment to observe the dress before taking it off the hanger, and she finds herself a little speechless. Beautiful seems too dull of a word to describe it and she sighs. “Oh, Astarion.” she mutters. Gods, what a mess she’s made. Carefully she removes the dress from the hanger and slips it on, grateful that Figaro handed it to her with the clasps already unfastened. When she emerges from behind the divider, Figaro and Shadowheart gasp. “A lot of things can be said about Astarion, but not one person can ever say he doesn’t have taste.” Shadowheart muses, awestruck.

Fallon steps onto the pedestal in front of the mirror, and a small gasp leaves her mouth once she properly observes herself in the mirror. The gown is entirely chiffon, and the skirts ripple down the floor with movement that one could only describe as liquid. Intricate lace flowers cover the bodice with a plunging v-neck that apexes just beneath her sternum, accentuating her full breasts. The sleeves are not actually sleeves at all, but a willowy cape that flows to the ground, wrapping Fallon in gossamer fabric. Figaro allows Shadowheart to fasten the back on his behalf, and when Fallon does a small turn to see it in the mirror, it just might be her favorite feature. The fabric is sheer, giving the illusion of an open back, but fastenings are covered by brilliant gemstones (Diamonds? They look like diamonds. Gods, she’s going to kill Astarion if they’re real diamonds) that run down her spine until just above her tailbone.

Fallon turns to fully face the mirror again and even she can’t help but stare in awe. Fallon doesn’t just look beautiful, she looks regal. Astarion doesn’t do anything unintentionally, and the statement this gown makes is loud enough that Fallon is certain everyone at the ball will hear it. Figaro moves past Shadowheart with pins in his hand and begins to scrutinize the dress more closely, looking for errors and pinning the places that need to be taken in and hemmed. “Well, I must say, I’m quite impressed. Lord Astarion mentioned he didn’t know your measurements so it was likely adjustments would be needed, but he managed to get pretty damned close,” Figaro muses. “I didn’t realize the two of you were involved.”

Fallon’s eyes fill with sadness and she looks at Shadowheart via the mirror. “We’re not.” Fallon knows it’s not enough of an explanation for her friend to figure out the “idiotic thing” Fallon had done, but Fallon hopes it gives her an idea. “My deepest apologies, Lady Fallon. In that case, you have a very good friend…and forgive me for saying so because it’s certainly not my place, but perhaps you should be romantically involved,” Figaro finishes pinning the bottom of the gown and stands up. “Alright, dearest, go ahead and change. I’ll have both of your dresses ready for you in two day’s time.”

Figaro bows deeply and exits the fitting room, and Shadowheart moves to unfasten the back of Fallon’s gown. “It really is gorgeous,'' she muses. “I’m honestly a little nervous touching these fastenings out of fear of ripping something…I think they might actually be diamonds.” Fallon shakes her head, she really might kill the vampire.

Fallon steps off the pedestal and walks carefully to the divider, not wanting to trip or accidentally unpin Figaro’s alterations. “Now, are you going to tell me what idiotic thing you’ve done or shall I be left to guess?” Shadowheart calls from the other side. Once she’s out of the gown, Fallon dresses again quickly.

“I kissed him.”

The silence in the fitting room is palpable, and when she emerges again to face Shadowheart, her friend is completely stunned. “I’m sorry, you did what?” Fallon shoots her a pleading look, silently begging her friend to not repeat her folly.

Shadowheart blows out a breath. “You know, Wyll told me he thought something might be going on, and after witnessing the two of you banter this morning I was inclined to agree…but now you’re telling me you kissed him, and you think he’s going to leave?”

“He rejected me, Shadowheart. He rejected me, and accused me of trying to use him for sex as a coping mechanism, because all I’ve done lately is use other people for just that.”

Shadowheart stares at her thoughtfully for a moment. “Well, were you?”

“Of course not. I don’t think so, anyway. He told me he was saying no because right before I kissed him I was fighting off a panic attack after hearing an ex’s name…but I wanted him.”

“Okay, well, as reasons go that’s actually pretty logical,” Shadowheart concedes. “But if you want him, then maybe you should just tell him so.”

Fallon gaze falls to the floor. “What if he doesn’t believe me?”

“Then he’s as stupid as your ex-boyfriend,” Shadowheart laughs. She’s never been one to mince words, and being with Lae’zel seems to have only made her more brutally honest. “I know what you’re going through isn’t exactly the same as what I experienced on our adventures, but it is possible to feel multiple feelings at once. You can have feelings for Astarion while also healing from what happened to you. You forget that Lae’zel and I didn’t bond until after we’d both been betrayed by people we loved. Sure, ours were goddesses, but yours left you to chase godhood. Having her by my side while I worked through it…well, it expedited my healing quite immensely.”

Logically these were all things Fallon knew, but her fears and anxieties tended to overrule her logic lately. Hearing someone else say it to her out loud, well, it made a difference. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re incredibly wise? You should be a cleric,” Fallon jokes, a smile blooming on her face. She pulls Shadowheart into a tight hug. “Thank you.”

Shadowheart kisses her on the cheek and pushes her towards the door. “You’re welcome, sweetheart. Now go home and tell that silly vampire how you feel.”

Fallon bids Figaro goodbye, thanks him for her gown, and exits the shop, desperately hoping that Astarion hasn’t left her yet.

~*~

When Gale enters his study, he does not expect to see Mystra sitting at his desk, nor does he expect to see a projection of Shadowheart and Fallon in an orb atop it. His heart skips a beat when he sees Fallon’s face. She looks weary, and there’s a dullness in her eyes he’s never seen before. Concern sparks through him immediately. “Mystra, what is this?”

“Just because you are a god now does not mean you can hide things from me so easily. After all, I gave you that power. I know you pine for her, your mortal ex-lover. I know you dream of her. That you often think of her when we make love,” Mystra muses darkly, her eyes daring Gale to disagree with her. “I have something I need to show you, Gale of Waterdeep. Something you must see.”

Gale watches in stunned silence as the orb in front of him plays back. Shadowheart and Fallon are discussing someone. Someone Fallon has romantic feelings for, and Shadowheart reassures her that she can have feelings for someone else and still be hurt by what Gale did to her. Gale frowns at that part. It’s not that he didn’t expect his choice to hurt Fallon in the moment, but he’d thought she would understand and come to accept it. Gale watches as Fallon embraces Shadowheart, and his entire body goes rigid when the cleric speaks again.

”Now go home and tell that silly vampire how you feel.”

Astarion.

“You see, Gale of Waterdeep? Your mortal lover has moved on. She is in the arms of another now, and there is no reason for you to pine for her any longer.” Mystra declares.

Gale’s blood boils. Gale hadn’t expected Fallon to wait for him, but he’d certainly hoped…but of all of the people Fallon could have moved on with, she chose fucking Astarion?

“You’re angry. Explain.” Mystra demands.

“Forgive me, Mystra, but I need to go to her. The vampire in question…he’s not who he claims. Fallon is yet another means to an end for him, and while I don’t relish in the fact that I broke her heart, I cannot sit idly by while he does the same.”

Mystra considers his request. “Part of being a god is letting the mortals make mistakes, Gale of Waterdeep. We cannot intervene at every turn. However…your happiness means a great deal to me. If intervening here will bring you happiness, and will bring your heart and devotion back to me, then so be it.”

He breathes a sigh of relief, and rushes forward to kiss his goddess deeply. It’s the most sincere kiss he’s given her since he ascended to godhood. “Thank you, Mystra, thank you.”

Gale swiftly departs from his study and returns to their bedroom. There’s an invitation he hadn’t noticed before, sitting on his bedside table. It’s an invitation to a ball, dated for two days from now. Tara must have delivered it last time she came to visit, and Gale scowls as he realizes Mystra must have withheld this from him. No matter. He had it now, and for the first time in six months, he’s allowed to leave Elysium.

“I’m coming for you, my love.” He whispers quietly.

Chapter List

[serafilms]

just some of my fav content that kpop (boy) groups have put out (very specific!!!)

i spend many an hour on it (like actually just one hour) because i don’t want to work on my wips!!!

nct 127 hit the states: haechan x dallas

HAECHAN SILVER HAIR HAECHAN SILVER HAIR i will never shut up. this and purple and we go up brown/rainbow are his best looks idgaf. they’re just soo cute here and having so much fun and i can’t even believe how fun it looks :(( i wanna have a day like this

nct 127 hit the states: mark x vancouver

such a beautiful scenery and seeing mark be so happy in his hometown w the rest of 127 is so cute. taeil and jungwoo are so funny here too

boynextdoor pretty u cover

SLAYED! nothing more to say. i love bnd performances they ate down period.

beomgyu kids’ café on workman

the editing is so funny in this video PLS and the way the little girls all hated him but the boys were obsessed with him 😭 the café staff are so fun and nice too 👍 i love beomgyu sm

nct dream candy mv

no explanation required. once you candy you never stop candying. the cutest music video EVER i love it so much. nct dream mv’s always EAT. hello future, we go up, chewing gum, go, life is still going on (track video but still cute), hot sauce

txt lo$er=lover office attack version

so creative and fun and they look so good 😋

nct dream rooftop fight

so glad they actually did this bc i was waiting for it for so long 😭 they hyped it up for so many years did NOT disappoint. nct will never not be funny.

stray kids fancy cover

THE WAY I ACTUALLY FORGOT THIS HAPPENED UNTIL JUST NOW WHEN I WAS GOING THROUGH MY YOUTUBE PLAYLIST. omg we moved on too soon

boynextdoor funnextdoor

i’m actually in the process of watching it rn but i’m actually so amazed at how genuine and funny they are?? usually a lot of groups (excluding survival show groups) take a while to warm up to the cameras and talk to them and be natural around them and their members in front of them, but you can really tell how comfortable bnd are with each other and even though they’re warming up the the cameras, they’re so cute about it and so natural and outgoing that it’s not awkward at all and so fun to watch! and on that note….

boynextdoor what? door!

they’re so funny omg also bc why are hybe editors so slay?? will never stop promoting bnd (+zb1!!! love riize too but they have sufficient hype tbh i need bnd appreciation!! 5th gen boy groups let’s gooooo)

zerobaseone zbtv

ok so this list actually isn’t specific anymore but can u blame me. they’re so funny in all of the episodes how am i to choose just one. zb1 are quite literally one of the absolute funniest groups I’ve ever seen. love them sm PLEASE stan before they disband 😞

eunchae star diary with sunghoon and heeseung

EUNCHAE !!!!! she’s so cute i love eunchae star diary 😭 this was more awkward than the jake ni-ki one tbh but it was really cute too 👍 and the way sunghoon kept trying to weasel out the tea from her like leave that girl alone hoon 😭😭

honourable mentions to the kyujin and hiyyih episodes too!! bc it’s so fun to see eunchae with her friends

en o’clock episode 12

the one where they did like the high up line training course thing idk what it’s called and they were wearing camo print like military ish stuff idk man but it’s so funny and their early days r so cute

en o’clock episodes 32 and 33

the irl among us episodes 😭😭

boys planet jelly pop

MY GODDDDDD JELLY POP ZHANG HAO I LOVE U SM. i wish he liked women and was 4 years younger and went to my uni. i purchased many zhang hao pc’s recently. jelly pop my #7 most played song in spotify. i watched it too many times. saved so many edits. ilysm king.

txt idol human theatre when they went to that house

the way the managers lifted taehyun out of the pool gets me every single time 😭😭😭

txt idol human theatre during blue hour era

my fav idol human theatre episode EVER. so funny and i love blue hour era sm‼️

stray kids family 3rd anniversary

skz with wigs will never not be iconic. and why did jeongin and felix lowkey devour acting elderly like???

to do x txt flying yoga episode 83

i love this episode so much actually omfg PLEASEE they’re so funny 😭 kpop idols doing any kind of strenuous movement exercise is my favourite content ever

to do x txt self defense episode 104

this one is CRIMINALLY underrated actually. wdym both parts don’t have 1 million views at least? can’t tell you how many times i had to rewind bc i was enjoying it so much 🫶🫶 i have plans to rewatch this soon so i also can learn some self defense moves.

run bts episode 55

this whole trip starts from ep 53 but them slapping each other’s asses and trying not to laugh is one of the funniest things i’ve ever watched actually,, this was one of the first run bts vids i watched on vlive and it brings me back when i see clips of it 😢

the nct show (nct 2020 but in 2022)

i love LOVE when nct all gets together :( nct 2018 and nct world 2.0 !!!! everything happens for a reason and sungchan and shotaro belong in riize but this video is so fun and they’re all so cute together!! field day episodes!!!!!! this and hybe game caterers fr

007” 00” the nct show

same as previous with extra emphasis on I LOVE THE 00 LINE HOKY FUCK. yangyang ❤️❤️❤️ i need to watch more wayv content i miss him

upper side dreamin’ halloween version behind the scenes

sunoo dancing to mama at the end is peak editing. enha vs ghosts let’s go!!! they’re all so cute and funny in this 🥳🥳 the way ni-ki abandoned the camera man bye 😭

txt magic island mv

words cannot express how much i miss the dream chapter: magic era. how i wish i could find a song that makes me feel the way run away and magic island do. the things i’d do to listen to that album for the first time omfg!!!! anyways this mv and the run away mv make me so emotional like 😭😭😭 also old bts txt lore used to be so confusing to me like i would spend soo so long trying to figure it out

anyways that’s it bc youtube search and sorting history filters are ass so i can’t find many more but i hope at least 1 person finds a new video to watch from this.

[rowerambles]

Getting ready to end my Spotify subscription when it expires at the end of the month but I’m keeping the account up so here’s all of my playlists that I’ve made since I joined back in summer 2020

Downloads (the Big One)

2023:

March 2023 (v proud of the cover for this one; can’t believe I’ve been doing these for a whole year)

April 2023

May 2023

June 2023

Fourth Of July 2023 (Rowe’s Version)

august 2023

September 2023

October 2023

November 2023

December 2023

March-December 2023

2024:

January 2024 (platonic breakup season woooo)

February 2024

March 2024

The monthly playlist idea was stolen from @trenchcrows. Each playlist has as many songs as there were days in that month (except when they don’t because some of them used to have Lovejoy/Wilbur songs in them). They were my favorite/most listened to/most looped songs from each month. It was a fun project and I think that it’s cool that I can look back and figure out exactly when I got into certain songs or when certain things were happening to me. November-January was certainly A Time.

Queer Playlists:

Aspec (aro and/or ace songs)

🏳️‍⚧️ (trans/nb songs)

🏳️‍🌈 (gay gay homosexual gay)

Podcast Adjacent Playlists:

Favorite SFBO Episodes

Favorite Podcasts

Songs from Let’s Learn Everything!

Playlists For Specific Artists/Albums:

GLOOM DIVISION (new idkhow album go stream it)

We’re Not Panicking! At The Disco Anymore (by Fall Out Boy)

Everything by Jon Walker (all of the songs/bands mentioned in Everything)

Jon Walker favorites

Waterparks songs named after colors

Waterparks Songs Named After Pixar Quotes

Sparrow Sleeps

Infinity on High but it's my favorite parts (by fall out boy)

Local Dreamers (the Wait I Need to Listen to Twenty One Pilots More So They Show Up on My Wrapped playlist)

American Beauty/American Psycho, but with 9% more Demi Lovato

Razzmatazz, but with 9% more Tessa Violet

Playlists For Specific Situations:

Songs to listen to at the end of the year

Beachy

Therapy :( (Rowe is not having a good time)

Therapy :) (Rowe is not having a good time but she’s trying to be optimistic now)

✨ Seasonal Depression ✨ (Rowe is not having a good time part 3, now with more Christmas)

Christmas Songs That I Actually Like (We’re going to ignore the fact that Every Snowflake is Different isn’t technically a Christmas song ok?)

Relationships:

Breakup songs

Show Me The Door (break up songs; a playlist dedicated to my mother)

/ (love songs)

Hopeless Romantic Bittersweet Yearning (more love songs)

& (songs about friendship)

Spotify Wrapped:

Rowe’s 2020 Wrapped

Rowe’s 2021 Wrapped

Rowe’s 2022 Wrapped

Rowe’s 2023 Wrapped

Rowe’s Wrapped 2019-2023 (I had Spotify in 2019 but was using a different account at the time)

Minecraft:

Fallen Kingdom Saga

Minecraft Songs

The Minecraft Archives:

TMcA

tmca!Tommy

(The Minecraft archives was a mcyt (dsmp/Hermitcraft season 8) tma au that I was working on which I am no longer writing because of Current Events)(I also had a TMcA!Wilbur playlist but I deleted it back in February along with all of my other Lovejoy playlists because fuck Wilbur)

The Rest Of Them:

Saturday Saturday Saturday Saturday (sometimes you just wanna listen to songs with Saturday in the title; here’s a playlist for that)

Favorite Covers

Walmart Radio but it’s the songs I actually like

# (songs with numbers in the title)

Duets & features

Inside you there are two wolves (aka Fall Out Boy are liars)

Eurovision Favs

and finally,

Some Songs That Aren’t Lovejoy:

When did this happen why are there so many of them this post took like an hour to make

[softpine]

@oldeplatz​ awww omg thank you!! honestly my story can be so convoluted at times, even if you did read some of my asks, it wouldn’t be too big of a spoiler. but i really hope you enjoy it!! 💖💖

yes and no! i came up with her general character arc many years ago, but once i made her as a sim, i fell in love with her and just kept adding more stuff to her backstory. i think over time she’ll feel more like a main character than just a side character / love interest. so hopefully you like her fjksjds

thank you so much!! i’m so happy you listen to them!! i honestly assume no one clicks on them, i just do them for myself :P i don’t have any specific method, i just listen to a lot of music especially while i’m working on my story. i have playlists for all my characters individually, so when i’m working on a stevie-centric post, for instance, i’ll listen to the suggested songs that spotify shows me for her playlist, so i can find new stuff with the same vibe. sometimes if i hear a singer/band with the perfect vibe but the song isn’t relevant to the story, i’ll just listen to a bunch of their other stuff. on spotify you can also click on a song and “go to song radio” where it will find you a bunch of similar songs. it’s a great way to find new music!! i also listen to college radios a lot which are awesome when you want to find more undiscovered music and you don’t feel like choosing anything yourself

also i try to choose lyrics that aren’t too on-the-nose. it can really take you out of the moment if you finish reading a breakup scene, for example, and then the lyrics are something cheesy like “you can tell me that you’re sorry // but i don’t believe you, baby, like i did before”. i prefer shorter, more abstract lyrics!

no, none of my story sims are available to download, sorry :( i used to upload them, but someone did weird as hell things with them so i don’t do that anymore. but if you DM me i would be happy to send them to you!! i love sharing, i just want to know who i’m sharing with first 💖

hey!! i converted that accessory and made the poses myself. i can’t remember where i found the original vape mesh, i’m sorry :(

thank you, that helps a lot!! i assumed it would be down to a person’s choice and i’m glad that seems to be the case!

[anemic-comedienne]

She always hated when I said sorry (I’m sorry)

This past week, I’ve been listening to songs I’ve felt deeply before, only to realize that they’re too sad for how I feel. 

I think I’ve been unfair to her. Pitying someone is always a little cruel, especially someone who hates being pitied. And so I know it’s not kind the way I think of her, the way I find myself thinking I’m better than her, because I feel, because I’m not afraid to feel. Because I knew what I was getting into, I believed my mother and all my friends, but I said yes anyway. I know it’s not kind the way I feel superior to her cold exterior.

Maybe she’s right. Maybe it comes from insecurity, the way I pretend I was always three steps ahead and that the heart on my sleeve was something I put there rather than something that grew there. And I do feel like a hypocrite, because I’m not happier now that we’re broken up, but I’m also not any sadder. I can’t help but feel like we really were on the same page all along, except that I was lying about it. Because I didn’t love her. And I knew that. 

There’s no point in regretting things I can’t learn from, and I know there’s nothing to learn from her not loving me. But I should probably learn from not loving her. I led her on too, I guess. I told Piper I thought I could love her, only she hadn’t let me close enough, but that doesn’t feel so true anymore. The times she did let me close, I didn’t always like what I saw. My favorite part was acting like I loved her, because I love loving. I’ve always thought of this as a good thing, but in this case it feels like it might have been a little mean. I carefully listened for what she wanted, but maybe not how she wanted it. Maybe I always made it a little more about me than about her.

At the end of the day, I still feel confused. But I also think her side is much easier to understand than I’ve let it be. In an ideal world, she would have figured out how she felt sooner, before she’d committed us both to sharing my dorm room for five nights. But in an ideal world, a lot of things would be different, and those things aren’t different. They just are. 

I let her get away with a lot of things I would never let a man get away with. I’m not sure why I did that, but I think a part of me liked it. It felt like a declaration she would understand – like, even if I have loved men more than I love you, I have never loved them like this. I have never let them do these things to me. I have never let them say something so cutting. You are softer than them, you are worth more. But she wasn’t. She isn’t. I don’t mean to be cruel. It’s just true.

I don’t mean to sound like I’m over it or anything. I’m not. It stings to see pictures of her, and to imagine her with other people. I know I had feelings for her in some way, and I know they’ll bubble up when they get the chance. But mainly when I say I’m not over it, what I mean is that a part of me is still pretending. This too-sad playlist I made and titled more ambiguously than I really feel – I think I did it so that I can imagine her looking at my Spotify (which she will literally never look at) and thinking wow, I really had an effect on this person. I imagine her feeling that way because that’s how I would feel. But we are two very different people. I have no reason to believe that’s how she would feel, even if she did see my playlist. And even if she did see it, and that was how she felt, the playlist isn’t really how I feel. So what’s the point?

We were opposites, which I guess attracted. She’d say: You like me more than I like you. Then turn around and say: You see right through me. I can’t hide from you. Meanwhile, I’d sit and list the beautiful things I saw in her: her careful memory, the gentle way she drank the world in. Then I’d turn around and tell my best friend I didn’t expect us to talk after getting home. She was the one who kissed me first. She was the one who called. She was the one who bought the ticket. And we both acted like I had done all those things. I bought us a bottle of wine and pretended the whole thing hadn’t been on her terms.

Maybe this is me realizing that my feelings for her weren’t as strong as I thought they were. Or maybe this is me realizing that strong feelings don’t have to linger or ruin you to prove their strength. Maybe it’s both.

She was a girl I liked. She was a girl who liked me. She was someone I could buy flowers for, and whose hand I could hold. Until she didn’t want those things from me anymore. I don’t know how to like people just a little bit, but it seems like a skill worth learning. I guess my ego is a little bruised, but honestly, not as much as I expected. She liked very few of the things I like about myself, anyway. In fact, I don’t really know what she liked about me. She never said, exactly, other than that I use big words and I’m caring. Those are two truths about me, but they are just accessories to the person I am. I let her play with my heart for the fun of it, her fun and mine, and I tried, again and again, to weasel my way into hers. I don’t like that I did that, because I know I can love better than that, but it is what it is.

I always do this with exes. I pretend that I’m the one who hurt them more, that I had the upper hand all along. I wish getting over it were as simple as apologizing, and so I do: I say I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I hope each sorry erases them. I was hurt, too, and I’ve felt that hurt in waves, and I’m sure the tides will continue to roll in. But for now, I’ll say what I’m about to say.

I am learning that to love well isn’t just a matter of action, but of sincerity. I should’ve kept from trying to love her well when I didn’t even love her in the first place, just liked her enough to want to kiss her again. I really do think she’s smart, and funny, and beautiful, but that doesn’t mean we were good together. I love to love, though. I let myself have too much fun with it. I threw everything at someone who didn’t ask for everything and had the nerve to be mad when they weren’t grateful. That’s on me. I wish I could apologize to her for it, but I know better. She always hated when I said sorry. She never knew what I meant by anything.

[gettingintoknives]

can u do multiples of 5 for the music ask? :')

for u i can do anything!

5:A song that needs to be played LOUD

THIS ONE!!! first charly bliss song i EVER heard and then i listened to their entire discography (granted it isn’t extensive) in one night.

10:A song that makes you sad

death cab twice already in these asks unfortunately they are simply so fucking good. and this song GOES. painfully.

15:A song that is a cover by another artist

can’t add a spotify link but several years ago my now girlfriend sent me a drunk cover of “cop graveyard” by teen suicide and it is one of my favorite things in my itunes

20:A song that has many meanings to you

ack. this one is so vague and nebulous a prompt! this song tho?

25:A song by an artist no longer living

ummmm so i couldnt think of one #fake music fan. brendon urie is dead in my mind so this counts!

30:A song that reminds you of yourself

EASY!!! i, too, know what can hurt me real bad and what can’t hurt me anymore. i ALSO know how to rise up with the sun and i AM learning what sleep’s good for.

[eumenidaes]

22 for the Spotify ask meme!

It didn't take nearly as long as I expected it would, but the short story's finished! Thanks for exchanging requests for art with our number 22 songs with me lol, this song is Oh No! by MARINA (tho for some reason it looks like spotify moved around some of my songs and it's not there anymore??? idk, I'm not changing it to be another song when that other one was also requested lol)

I tried to incorporate themes from the song of things like neglecting personal relationships due to a desire to succeed and make a change in the world/life. This is focused on my RWBY OC, Chae-Yeong Vermeil, and you can also read it on ao3!

“Miss Vermeil! Chae-Yeong!”

Chae-Yeong turns at the sound of her name to see the familiar cheery face of Ashley Linden making her way through the first floor of the Vermeil Foundation building. 

The musician has become a familiar face at the charity’s headquarters over the past couple of months, and as much as Chae-Yeong’s inclined to believe people are good, she can’t help wondering if Ashley’s just here out of a desire to help people in Mantle. She’s well aware that Ashley insists on making her donations to the charity with Chae-Yeong personally, and that she’s been known to leave upon finding out that Chae-Yeong isn’t there today. It's clear that she doesn’t like staying in Mantle for long. That combined with how even now, Ashley casts a quick glance downwards towards Chae-Yeong’s chest makes her main intention for being here clear— she’s attracted to Chae-Yeong, and she wants to get close to her. 

If she were twenty years younger and not used to people who don’t even know her pining after her, Chae-Yeong might be flattered. But she is forty-six, and Ashley is twenty-eight, and Chae-Yeong has long since moved past enjoying people she barely speaks to wanting to date her. There are far more important things in the world, like running her company, working on developing space travel, and trying to improve Atlas and Mantle for everyone in it. 

But Chae-Yeong knows how to play nice. She has an image to upkeep, and whatever feelings she holds privately don’t need to be shared with anyone. 

“Hi, it's Ashley, right? How are you?” Chae-Yeong asks. She knows exactly who Ashley is, but pretending she’s bad with names is all part of the act. It also might deter her from continuing to pursue her. 

She hopes this won’t take long. She has work to do. Neither the Vermeil Foundation of Vermeil Industries run themselves, and even if her job as CEO isn’t meant to keep her involved with what’s happening in her company, she likes to be. Chae-Yeong would rather sit through mind numbingly boring meetings and seemingly endless emails than do nothing but play golf and only ever interact with people that are inordinately wealthy. Besides, her involvement in her company’s practices and its charitable offshoot means that she can make sure that everyone working for her is getting treated well. 

“I’m great, for sure,” Ashley says. She fiddles with the end of some of her long blonde hair. “Actually, I was just looking for you.”

“Yeah?” Chae-Yeong prompts. 

“Are you doing anything tonight?” 

And there’s the question Chae-Yeong had been waiting for. Honestly, she’s impressed. It usually takes even less interaction with her for someone to get bold enough to ask her out. 

The answer will, of course, be no. The question is how to phrase the rejection without upsetting Ashley too much or letting her get far enough to feel humiliated. 

“I’ve actually got a date later tonight. I don’t know how well it’ll go, but I might be, ah, unavailable for a long while after that,” Chae-Yeong says. It’s a complete lie, but those can make the best excuses. Plus, it helps her to maintain the playgirl reputation she’s cultivated over the years.  

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were in a relationship,” Ashley says, and she’s mastered the Atlesian art of burying your feelings deep inside. There's disappointment clear in her eyes, but her expression remains bright as if she hadn't been hoping that Chae-Yeong was single. 

Chae-Yeong is in a relationship, but that’s not something that anyone is supposed to know about. Everything between her and James is supposed to be private. If she were telling anyone about it, the last choice would be a pop star that would tell the tabloid’s that Atlas’ general and the CEO of Vermeil Industries are dating. 

“It’s nothing too long term, just our second date,” Chae-Yeong says. It’s best to keep these made up relationships short, that way it’s harder to fact check. 

“Yeah, that’s pretty early on,” Ashley agrees, and Chae-Yeong recognizes the way her eyes regain their light at the thought. With a short relationship, she sees opportunity. If they’re only in the getting to know you phase still, it could be brief. Maybe Ashley won’t try to ask Chae-Yeong out now, but she will again in the future, after this fictionalized relationship has fizzled out. 

Chae-Yeong knows that she’s only creating an endless cycle with this by lying and acting like if she was single, Ashley would have a chance with her. But outright rejecting Ashley would only upset her. At least this option gives her hope, even if it is a false one. 

“Sorry if you wanted to do something, though,” Chae-Yeong says. 

“It’s fine, don’t worry. I hope your date goes well!” Ashley says, even though she definitely doesn’t hope it goes well. 

“Maybe we can get a rain check?” Chae-Yeong suggests. “I should be free at… some point. I’d have to check my schedule, it’s hard to keep track of everything.”

It isn’t, and Chae-Yeong knows exactly when she’s free. But this is another part of her public persona, and it gives her a good way to postpone any future attempts by Ashley to ask her out. 

“Yeah, we can figure it out later,” Ashley says. She rocks back on her heels. “I guess I should let you go, huh?”

“If you don’t mind. I have a lot going on, well, pretty much all the time,” Chae-Yeong says with a laugh. That’s not a lie, but it’s also a good way to get out of this conversation. 

“No worries,” Ashley assures. 

“Thanks so much.” Hoping to avoid getting caught up in more conversation if Ashley thinks of anything else to say, she starts walking towards the elevator. “See you later!”

With a press of a button, the elevator is called to the first floor. It arrives with a ding as Ashley says her goodbyes, and Chae-Yeong steps in, waving one last time before the doors close. 

Alone for once, Chae-Yeong allows herself a second to take a deep breath and let her shoulders drop. 

That went well. She was able to prevent Ashley from even outright asking her out, which would have helped to prevent her from getting embarrassed at an outright rejection. Even though it wasn't the most public forum in the world, there were other people in the lobby, and everyone loves to gossip about the love lives of celebrities. Ashley may have been disappointed by the polite no, but that’s for the best. Chae-Yeong’s too much for most people, especially when it comes to relationships, anyway. 

Authenticity is hard for Chae-Yeong to do— she has too many secrets that could potentially destroy her life as she knows it. There’s too much anger and sadness and passion inside of her to be palatable for the average person. Letting people get close would mean she has to lower some of her walls, and that’s not something she can risk doing when the consequences of honesty could be disastrous for herself and others.

She’s too busy for relationships anyway. Her social life has never been her priority, and she would much rather pour herself into her work. Dedicating herself to Vermeil Industries and public services and everything else she puts her time into helps people, and that’s much more important than anything else. 

It’s for the best that Chae-Yeong avoids any deep relationships, even if she can admit that it gets lonely. It’s not like she’s completely alone, though. No matter what, she has James, and there’s no need to pretend around him. 

Chae-Yeong forces herself out her head before she can get too caught up there. She has work to do, and there’s no time to waste feeling bad for herself. 

She knows what she wants out of life, and if that means she needs to make sacrifices in her personal life, so be it.

If she’s able to change the world for the better, it’s all worth it.

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Just a random thought, since I love song fics… I wonder if I could somehow make a fic using my Spotify wrapped playlist as inspiration hmm… I’m gonna think out loud under the cut

Crash my car… so a meet ugly if it’s an AU (I love these!) but also lyrics could make it canon verse

Roses, need I say more, this is so CoAi vibes already. Lyrics probs more canon?

Bang, um… yeah okay probs canon divergence from the looks of things

Way less sad, labyrinth, know it all, lost, talk too much, maroon (oooo, as if I want already dreaming of a midnights album fic), close to you, 1 last cigarette, bummerland (cause we’re only going up from here. Okay this is like all my fics though), anti-hero, miss you a little, see through, blind, snow on the beach (okay but I did use a lyric already for the December fic…), American money (ngl always wanted to use this song as inspo cause of my bias of mirroring my golden otp), daphne blue (I don’t wanna talk about it! And I think we both know why! Wish it wasn’t automatic, the way I want you every time. Ugh this song man), loneliness for love (this song has always low key reminded me of my fav), karma (cause karma is her boyfriend!?!), songs I can’t listen too (my bias of superposition being their song), isabelle (hm… eh), love somebody (this one!!!), lavender haze (again the midnights album fic really should just be a thing), I like that, hate you + love you (ah yes the low key toxic vibe of it all. Why am I like this), SAD (clap your hands) (honestly probs more of a kaishi vibe but not very shippy really, but we’ll roll with it), you’re on your own kid, 2/14 (can’t fall in love tonight, well guess what pal! It’s happening!), 3 o’clock things (insomnia my old friend but also this ship doesn’t sleep I swear), choke (basically just die, which is such a mood), bejeweled (best believe my queen is still bejeweled and she can still make the whole place shimmer. And when they ask if she has a man? She can still say she doesn’t remember~ seriously this album fic when. Does someone else wanna be in charge of this cause I’m super intrigued by how people write using the same source but it always turns out different and I love that!), never a good time (the demise of the canon ship, there’s literally no good way for them to break up. They’re way too toxic and while obviously they shouldn’t work out, it’s annoying that I even have to figure a way to make amicable. I literally don’t even bother anymore. I hate canon), palm reader (got your crystals in your pocket like a drug dealer, bars. Love this line always), all my favorite songs (see the neon trees song cause that is the tie in), mastermind (most CoAi song off the album hands down), less than I do (I hope you feel blue, less than I do… did I really write a fic if I don’t make him suffer?), ghost story (see previous note), wave of you, question…?, Greek tragedy (she hits like ecstasy~), I think I like you (geezus Christ you think buddy!!! Literally I wanna scream every time cause why the fuck is he like this!!! HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW YOURE IN LOVE WITH MY QUEEN!!! I say as if he isn’t canonly dense as fuck when it comes to romance, it’s literally why I can’t deal with him sometimes and will only write him when he fucking is aware! As a hopeless romantic, it kills me to see him be so dumb about this kinda stuff), electric love, sweet nothing (okay I honestly see this more as kaishi but it’s cause I’m soft for them but also imagining it as CoAi is very cute too), strawberry sunscreen (she tastes like sunscreen and summertime, actually lots of feels about this… like you know when a summer fling is going to end cause it can’t last and you know it but you still keep going for it even. Living in the moment and falling more and being so happy and just disregarding the fallout that’s to come. Again just my feelings with this ship, the song does not give this vibe at all), run (need I say more, this is a theme for this ship), baby blue shades (hm… again I’m thinking more of symbolism but the song is not at all the way I’m making it out to be in my head)

midnight rain (ugh okay my fav song off the album but in regards to the ship there’s so much about this song man. And I never think of him, except on midnights like this. My whole heart. I guess sometimes we all get just what we wanted. I guess sometimes we all get some kind of haunted. Listen I’m a firm firm believe that they would absolutely be each other’s the one that got away and that just pains me so much), can you handle my love??, I ain’t worried, world’s smallest violin, vigilante shit, girl(you’re gonna take me back to a time when I loved and I mean it), animal(so look me in the eyes, am I someone else?)

you are the traffic (I actually have a fic with this as the title and it is not a great one. Not as messy as devour, but not great either. A terrible toxic relationship that should definitely end, but because it’s me… yeah…)

Dear reader, automatic (god I love the way you talk the way you feel baby), higher, blu (fall into your blue, what the hell is love if you’re in complete control, fighting it is hopeless, sinking in your ocean just like you designed me to do), would’ve could’ve should’ve (the regrets aspect but also John Mayer is a piece of shit, not fic related of course but I never liked him), Thelma + Louise, coming home, boys (got hungover from your words, in New York it’s the worst, all these nights are a blur), the Great War, superposition, cemetery (def not a shippy song but we’ll roll with the title), low key (see I only lie when I love you summary), Paris, I want it all (he’s the selfish one but he’s not wrong when it’s for her), love me like a friend (fwb fic when), song about you (see me always being on the song fic train), high Infidelity, stay next to me

Cringe (honestly could go one of two ways for me. Either more fuel for no canon ship or desperation for my ship. Again I write this all the time), still not dead (honestly the theme of the series if we’re just looking at the title here), bigger than the whole sky, wish you were sober, the other side of paradise (of all glass animal songs it was this one??? I wish you could see the naked truth… I guess), sunshine, glitch, choker (self-sabotage is a sweet romance)

tangerine (okay here’s another one, hm… honestly more of a failed ship song but perhaps a dramatic thing of this is what will happen to me if I miss out on keeping you), dancing in the kitchen

state of grace (okay I never liked the idea of writing a red album fic cause it is the ultimate breakup album and in my world my ship always works out. So really this is more for the canon ship, which I low key have put a lot of thought into and may just write it one day… but I don’t really wanna cause I do not care about the canon ship. But I literally have it all mapped out in my head. All 30 songs. But anyways this is the worthwhile fight I guess would be his stance for my queen if I’m making it for my ship)

My play (basically the perfect scenario, but we all know nothing ever goes to plan in the real world), lean on me, someday, red (see note about this being a canon ship break up album and my ship is absolutely not a red ship cause to me those do not last. I say as I have a red otp), drivers license (okay this does not apply to them at all, but we can roll with it in the way that we’re tying in the crash my car song. Am I bringing back the idea of an AU?), 18

Get away (okay I can’t. This has always been a kaishi song to me and I kinda still really wanna write this fic for them one day… but I guess we can roll with this as just the title, cause the lyrics are definitely more geared towards kaishi for me)

Message in a bottle (again we don’t need to go over this again, so title it is), record player (title), strawberries & cigarettes (basic but so what), find someone, run (but this one is for the one in Run To Change The End Game. I still need to finish that and perhaps add the joker and the queen, but for this purpose we’ll continue the theme of running away or not), new religion, everybody talks (in which as per usual in my fics, everyone ships them), (skipping this one cause it’s not my song but one of my brothers that made the list)

Treacherous (okay I know I said no red songs cause breakup album but… this to me has (still is) always been the most CoAi song Tay ever wrote so… yeah)

In conclusion, this would literally be every fic I’ve ever written so yeah. Totally doable

[mntalbrakdown]

Dreadful Energy

Sebastian Stan x actress! Reader

Requests open!

Mentions: of angst, and implied smut

masterlist!

“Hello mama!” you say with a big grin Sebastian couldn’t help but laugh.

“That is y/n y/l/n, and I am Sebastian Stan”

“And we are doing the Wired Autocomplete Interview” you go on saying what you and your costar are about to do. You get a board from the workers behind the camera and say thank you.

“Ok, so the first question, is y/n dating Sebastian Stan," you said giving off a half-hearted chuckle.

"Straight to the point, I love it." you ignored the question and continued going on, "Also do you guys have a trash can, I don't want to throw it on the floor," they handed you a small trash can and you said thank you.

"Someone is a bit OCD" Sebastian joked

"It's not being OCD, it is being polite, continuing on, when is y/n’s birthday" you threw the paper into the trash can. "I am wondering you searched this up to find my zodiac sign, which means you want to know if we are compatible, which also means you like me, or you just wanted to know my birthday, well my birthday is on-"

"y/b/d" Sebastian cut you off, you looked at him and bit your lip, you nodded gesturing he was correct.

"what are some movies y/n will star in," you read aloud "Umm, there are a bit of projects coming up, not only films but some other things in the works, but for movies specifically, that the public shall now know, I'll be in the Black Widow movie and I'm actually starring alongside Anya Taylor-Joy which will be exciting" you can feel Sebastian's eyes burning into you.

"Ok, last one for me, what is y/n y/l/n favorite scent or smell? Great question, I hope Sebastian can answer this" you look over to him meeting his blue eyes.

"Easy, strawberry, she literally has her whole house smelling like strawberries, plus her perfume is strawberry, wait isn't strawberries your favorite fruit?" Sebastian asked

"Yes," you said through a laugh "May I break this?" you asked referring to the board, they said yes and you broke through it

“You did that so respectfully" you laughed at what Sebastian had said

"My turn! Thank you, hand me that trash can will ya'?" You put the trash can in between the two of you.

"Someone is a bit OCD" you mocked his previous words

"It's not being OCD, it is being polite, continuing on, is Sebastian Stan dating y/n y/l/n" he mocked you and then his face fell. "As much as she's a marvelous person, no," he said through gritted teeth, something in his demeanor changed, you weren't oblivious, but whenever someone says they like you, more than a friend, you always took it as a joke. He cleared his throat.

"How is Sebastian Stan so attractive" he read aloud and laughed, his laugh was contagious and made you laugh.

"Stop guys he's a Leo, you are feeding to his already enormous ego," You said while rolling your eyes. Sebastian laughed at you.

"Not everything is about zodiac signs y/n," Sebastian said with a hint of annoyance

"Of course, that's what a Leo would say," you said with a laugh, confused why Sebastian didn't take your sarcastic tone.

"What is Sebastian Stan's favorite song, umm that's a good question, I usually just listen to y/n's Spotify playlists, as much as she may be annoying, she does make a mean playlist," he said, not looking at you what so ever, he was ignoring you. He finished tearing up the questions and then later broke the board.

"Tom was right, those boards are annoying" the boards were made out of what seemed like styrofoam and you just couldn't handle the styrofoam sound. When you said that Sebastian let out a loud groan.

"Are you ok?" you asked, Sebastian of course ignoring you, you gave up on trying to talk to him, two can play at that game.

As the interview was going to a close, the air progressively got intoxicated with hatred and annoyance. You hated when people were mad when you didn't know why, especially when they don't want to talk about it.

"That was y/n y/l/n and Sebastian Stan doing the Wired Autocomplete Interview!" you ended the video off because you knew Sebastian wouldn't. You thanked everyone who was there and left, leaving behind Sebastian, after everything that happened between you and Sebastian the other day, you thought this interview would go great. Much to your surprise, all you did the night prior was talk and have fun. You got into your car, you gave Sebastian a ride to the interview, so he will need to find a ride now.

"Hey! Wait up" Sebastian said. "I thought you were going to leave me behind" you rolled down your window

"I was," you stated coldly

"Ouch," he said

"I'm not trying to waste my time on someone who is clearly mad at me" you looked at his eyes

"I'm not mad at you-"

"Oh but you are, I can read a room Stan" if words can cut deeper than a knife.

"Fine, I'll find my own way home," He said annoyed, he knew that you were right, he was mad at you. You rolled your window back up. Connected your phone to your car and started driving, you tried to distract yourself from crying.

buzz buzz buzz

"hello?" you answered your phone

"Hey, so I heard you and Sebastian are having some couple issues" Anthony joked and you rolled your eyes. "Did you find a brain in there?" Anthony joked yet again which made you let out a laugh. "Anyways going back to me, you were going to have an interview with him, but if you'd like, I can take it"

"Thanks, Mackie" you sighed hanging up

My loneliness is killing me (and I) I must confess I still believe (still believe) when I'm not with you, I lose my mind give me a sign hit me, baby, one more time. You sang along to the ...baby one more time cover by The Marias that was playing in your car. You didn't want to go home just yet, because if you did then you would overthink, and driving around is much more interesting than crying your eyes out. You stopped at a red light and waited for it to turn green. You looked at the sides of your car, your eyes met with a young man who had this look on his eyes that looked like he recognized you, but doesn't know quite where. You laughed and that's when the light turned green and you sped off.

After a while of doing this, you decided it would be a great idea to just go home. Still listening to your music and driving. When you arrive home you are greeted with rain. A bit confused as to why now it started to rain, but you took it You got your phone, got out of your car, locked it, and started to walk to your front door. To your surprise it was already open, when you walked in you saw the whole cast seated around your living room.

"Hey, how y'all doing?" you asked confused and in the middle of the circle, there was Sebastian sat. You scoffed grabbing his attention and shook your head. Running up your stairs.

"Wait y/n" Sebastian grabbed your arm making you stop, making you look at him in the eyes. Oh, those blue eyes staring deep inside you, knowing your deepest darkest secrets. They have seen it all, your cries, your laughs, the way your eyebrows knit together whenever you are confused, they have seen it all. Oh and don't get me started on those lips, they look so soft, but you will never know because you just can't bring yourself to believe he may actually like you. But that was all cut short with one simple word that leads anyone to a dead end.

"No," you said completely discarding what you have just felt by looking at the man's eyes.

"No?" he was confused the only time you said no to him was when he wanted to go on a ride on Disneyland.

"yeah, no" you confirmed your prior statement.

"y/n wait" but now it was Elizabeth

"I am not going to wait, I don't even know how you got it into my fucking house" you stated confused, everybody looked at Sebastian.

"Well, that's definitely not going to help my case anymore guys" Sebastian looked at them and then at you with pleading eyes.

"No those puppy dog eyes are not going to help you anymore, I am done."

"Why are you even mad at him?" Tom asked

"He never shows his feelings to me, he doesn't want to explain why he was mad at me when we were doing an interview, and acts like everything between us is ok. I am tired of it, and he of all people knows how frustrated I get when he doesn't talk to me. I am not a real-life Marvel character, I can't read minds, nor do I want to" You stated now looking at him. his face looked down.

"Well, fine my bad, I'm sorry that I don't know how to tell you how much I have feelings for you, how frustrated I get when any other person gets a bit too close to you that isn't me. The way I have kissed you more than once and yet you still can’t catch my drift. I thought yesterday I was finally getting somewhere and then all we did was talk and dance, don't get me wrong I love it, but I just wished you can actually read my body language to you and not just the room." He looked at you almost as if there was still much more to say but wanted to see what you had to say.

"Oh," was the only audible sound to come out your mouth and you looked around to see an empty living room once again, and a Tom at the door waving to say goodbye.

"So?" Sebastian looked at you.

"I caught your drift, or maybe I missed it, I don't know just yet, can you show me it please," you said leaning in for a kiss.

"Sure will, princess," he said and just like that, now you were his pretty princess.

[dysfunctionalcrab]

breaking point

pairing: karl jacobs x reader

pronouns: gender neutral

description: karl can’t get over your death.

warnings: pure angst. readers death, description of illness, description of a breakdown.

note: sorry about this fluff lovers. honestly i feel like if karl was getting over somebodys death he would just have breakdowns :/

-> also this is literally just a way to improve my angst writing.

one month.

a month without waking up every morning and seeing your face. a month without hearing your voice.

of course he knew, he knew you were sick. it would be selfish of him to tell himself that you weren’t. that you weren’t in pain every single day. he watched you get up from bed in the middle of the night, rushing to the bathroom and empty out last nights dinner into the toilet. he sat beside you, rubbing your back and telling you everything was going to be okay. you tried your best to believe it, so desperately did you want to believe him

but even karl himself couldn’t believe it.

day by day he watched you get worse, the hope that glistened in your eyes slowly started to fade away. you became pale, the bags under your eyes were becoming more prominent. you were just so tired

you were tired of everyone telling you were going to be fine, because you obviously weren’t. you knew that eventually you’d have to say goodbye to everyone, and leave everybody you loved.

it got to a point that you couldn’t even open up a jam jar. your frail arms couldn’t twist the lid no matter how hard you tried.

you felt like a burden to everyone, you weren’t that cheerful person you were once before. you felt more like a villain. someone who was ruining everybody’s day by just being present.

you weren’t scared of dying anymore, you were scared of living and continuing to suffer the way you were.

so, when you laid in the hospital bed, surrounded by all your loved ones. you felt tranquility. it made you happy that you knew none of these people would have to worry about you anymore.

your vision was becoming blurry, you could barely recognise anybody’s faces anymore. you didn’t want to cry, you didn’t want everybody’s last memory of you to be an image of your tear stained face. instead you smiled at them, karl held your left hand and your mother held your right, you squeezed their hands as tightly as you could, telling them how much you loved them.

your grip eventually loosed, as you took your last breath. you were unresponsive, and everybody was looking at nothing but the whites of your eyes.

-

your funeral hit him even harder.

karl felt so empty inside. all the happiness was drained out of him. he kept trying to tell himself this wasn’t real, and you weren’t gone. but how could he when he was standing right in front of your grave?

he watched your coffin lower down. all attention turned to your mother. as the coffin sunk deeper into the ground, she collapsed onto the floor, an agonising scream erupting from her. people ran to pull her away, but she refused to let them bury you.

karl walked away. he didn’t want to watch this. this isn’t what you would’ve wanted. you wanted nothing but everybody to be happy

but he couldn’t be, not when he was constantly reminded of you every single. those memories were now making him sad. he would drive past target just to be reminded of your late night trips. when he would see your favourite candy he would be reminded of your awful sweet tooth you constantly complained about, and how he would scold you for eating too many.

“but they taste so good!” you would defend yourself. your voice rang in his ears.

-

in the first two weeks he would cry himself to sleep every day. his pillow was always soaking from the waterfall of tears. he would grab another pillow from the living room, and spray it in your favourite perfume, and would cuddle it, pretending he was cuddling you, all while taking in your scent.

one night, he jolted awake with a gasp. his forehead was covered in beads of sweat and his breath was shaky and uneven. it was a nightmare. they had become much more frequent since your death.

karl reached his arm out to the pillow beside him, looking for some comfort and warmth.

but he forgot you weren’t there anymore.

he wished that you would just materialise from beneath his fingers and hold his hand. he wished to have you here and have you run your hands through his hair and shush him back to sleep.

karl swallowed the lump in his throat, forcing himself to close his eyes and fall back asleep.

-

he didn’t like socialising with others now.

yes, he loved his friends, he wouldn’t give them up for the world. he felt so helpless when they saw him. they all gave him this identical look filled with pity. whenever they saw him and they’d always ask him ‘how are you feeling today?’

he was so sick of that question.

when he logged on discord with the boys, they treated him differently, like he was glass, and was about to shatter any moment.

he hated feeling so weak.

in the third week, his family suggested talking to your family. maybe they both could slowly heal by talking about the positive aspects of your life.

he despised the idea at first, but after coming round to your old house, sitting down and talking to your parents. he found himself smiling for the first time in ages, as he ran his fingers over a baby picture of you.

visits to your parents became much more regular, they were much closer. karl felt a sense of pride, because he knew it’s what you would’ve wanted.

-

four weeks. one month. time was passing by slowly but thankfully it was giving him time to grieve, and time to reflect. he felt like the hole in his heart was very slowly starting to repair itself

music was playing from his phone on spotify, karl was boiling a pot of water for his pasta. when it was hot enough, he threw in his pasta and let it cook. karl sat down and started scrolling through instagram, the music still playing.

he lightly chuckled at a funny meme he read. he went to send it to alex.

the grin on his face disappeared when he realised his finger was hovering over your username.

he wished he could send it to you. his mind started drifting to you all over again.

when the pasta was finally done. karl felt his stomach rumble and he was glad he would finally get some food in his system. he prepared the table, and poured a glass of juice for himself too.

the music changed to one of his favourite songs, he started singing along to it, his body swaying slightly as he turned around with the pot to pour it onto the plate, ready to eat it. only then did he realise his mistake.

he set out two plates.

two forks.

two glasses.

one for him.

and for you

karl gnawed at his lip. he stared at the second set of cutlery like it was an intruder. his lips started to tremble, and without realising, he dropped the pot.

the loud clash against the tile floor brought him back to reality. immediately, he bent down to pick up his mess, but it was all pushing him over the edge.

this was his breaking point

he angrily threw the pot back onto the floor, while the most gut-wrenching scream left his body.

he rested against the door of the oven, his head leaned uncomfortably against the handle. sobs ripped from his throat. his voice was starting to feel scratchy. karl rocked back and forth, his head banging the handle each time, causing his head to get dizzier and dizzier until he almost felt nauseous.

his hands were tugging at his hair as he buried his face into his knees. he knew he had lost control of himself. another wave of tears emerged.

he tried to calm himself, he tried to steady himself. karl was mumbling out loud as his body was quaking, but every few seconds it would be interrupted by a few guttural sounds. sounds of pain and anguish melded together.

“why would you leave me?” he cried, his voice breaking.

karl wasn’t healing like he thought.

you were the other half that made him whole.

and you were mercilessly ripped away from him

he just didn’t know how he could go on living without you.

———

masterlist

[clavis-baby]

Songs that You would listen to After a Breakup with The Brothers

(Lucifer,Mammon,Satan,Asmo)

I’m so sorry I was listening to reckless and it made me feel something (also I’ve never dated anyone sooo shhh)

Also I tried to add at least 3/4 to every brother but I realized they all had a Olivia Rodrigo song so sorry about that also I tried not cross over the same songs 😅

Also Spotify Playlist!!!

————-

Lucifer

enough for you - Olivia Rodrigo

Okay so first Olivia track honestly I know we all cried to her whole album don’t deny it but essentially I felt that with the lyrics I wore makeup when we dated“'Cause I thought you'd like me more If I looked like the other prom queens” and “Tried so hard to be everything that you liked” I feel like Lucifer would expect that his lover to be perfect honestly this song really would work well with both of Satan and Lucifer so deciding between them was pretty hard but the pushing point for me to put this with Lucifer was the lyric “But I don't think anything could ever be enough”

Without me - Halsey

(Ugh I love Halsey so much and her baby soon!!!) Anyway!! For Lucifer I really think that his pride would’ve gotten in the way of all of his relationships he’s ever had but “Feeling so high but too far away to hold me You know I'm the one who put you up there Name in the sky Does it ever get lonely?” Just screams Lucifer and how the chorus keeps on saying “I said I'd catch you if you fall” ahh perfect (could also work for Asmo)

I knew you were trouble - Taylor Swift

Won’t lie but embarrassed that I choose this song but it works for Lucifer sooo whatever but the chorus really is a fairly good start I feel like anyone who has a brain (even tho MC really doesn’t) dating Lucifer wouldn’t be particularly 100% safe but whatever he’s most people’s favorites again I used to love this song but don’t anymore so when I looked up songs about break ups (yes I did that) and Trouble came up I relistened and with these lyrics I had to include it No apologies “He'll never see you cry Pretends he doesn't know That he's the reason why”

Let Me down Slowly - Alec Benjamin

Now if this was a cheating thing and he did cheat this would be like the absolute BEST SONG!! But tbh this is a pretty good song for any breakup I feel like…OH WELL! :) the first lyric FIRST LYRIC “This night is cold in the kingdom” I felt represented his pride idk how to explain but idk T-T I can explain the rest tho >~< “I once was a man with dignity and grace Now I'm slippin' through the cracks of your cold embrace” once again pride but with “Could you find a way to let me down slowly? A little sympathy, I hope you can show me” I really hc that almost with all the boys but especially with Lucifer they just would not care about cheating after they maybe got a rush would leave you instantly once that “rush” is/was gone

Mammon

(I’m a sucker for him im sorry I put all the most emotional songs with him)

Reckless - Madison Beer

This was the song that inspired this whole post!! (Sadly, it made me feel things) But this song really could be used for Belphie and maybe a hint of Asmo but Mammon was the first person I thought about when listening to this song so it’s mammon. Mammon I just feel like behind all the tunsdere act he really promises us so much like obviously the protection but Reckless just show us within the lyrics “I still have the letter you wrote When you told me that I was the only girl You'd ever want in your life” and even this lyric with his whole first man thing and even him asking us to come to him for protection “You might love her now, but you loved me first Said you'd never hurt me, but here we are” it just is so good 😭

Love me or leave me - little mix

So if you even skim through these Mammon songs and know about my posts I love him so much so even though what I said in Lucifers part about them not caring about cheating and stuff I feel like Mammon might care just because of how much he promises things also I read a lot of fanfics with what I just said “And you're turning away like you hate me Do you hate me? Do you hate me? Oh” tbh because of this lyric I did think for a moment to use this song for Satan but Uhhh this is really emotional song and I love my bby “Do you remember when you loved me once What happened? What happened? And you'd hold me here just because” LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME HERE!!!

Be Alright - Dean Lewis

This song I feel like was a bit more for me sooo yeah also remember what I said about how I hc that almost with all the boys that they just would not care about cheating after they maybe got a rush with you they would leave you instantly once that “rush” is/was gone wel I sort of want to believe mammon wouldn’t and his greed gets in the way (who am I kidding I’m just making excuses for my baby) but I’m going to continue on what I just said because Umm well I can do uh “You start to tremble and your voice begins to break You say the cigarettes on the counter weren't your friend's They were my mate's”

(I couldn’t find anymore songs that I felt that would fit him 😭)

Asmo

Ex best friend - Machine gun Kelly

When I was writing this originally there was going to be like 4 parts of all the characters but then once I realized how many songs and I couldn’t think of any for others and how I wanted to add an explanation I gave up on that but originally it was going to also be cheating songs, fall outs, then just aftermaths of breakup songs which to be honest this song really could fit with the after math and cheating songs I feel like Asmo and his SO are more likely a not able to quit each other sort of thing “We're both drunk on the elevator When I kissed you for the first time in New York City, uh” and even near the end of the first season the only little part we sort of get from character development from Asmo when we was drunk explains what he was sort of saying “I swear to God, I never fall in love Then you showed up, and I can't get enough of it I swear to God, I never fall in love I never fall in love, but I can't get enough of it First off, I'm not sorry I won't apologize to nobody You play like I'm invisible Girl, don't act like you ain't saw me” personally I do think that inside Asmo might be insecure and a bit sensitive on the inside but I could be wrong

When the party’s over - Billie Eilish

Wow I have the lyrics up and I just realized this 3 minute song has barley lyrics but the song still fits Asmo so.

traitor - Olivia Rodrio

Even tho that all these songs were on cheating I tend to hc that Asmo isn’t a huge fan of solo partnership because of the title avatar of lust so I feel like in maybe the beginning of a relationship he would promise to you that he would be there for you but would maybe end up not staying true to his words I forgot who but someone else explained why they don’t believe that Asmo wouldn’t be able to go with out having a Polly relationship

——-

I’ve had this in my drafts for so long and wanted to post this but at this point I’ve just can’t add anymore so this is my lazy part

Boys like you - Anna Clendening

Satan

Again I’m lazy rn but I wanted Satans part to show just pure madness and anger but also as time progress just sadness for Satans pure side also anything that had to do with books or a story I added for u know Satan loving books

I’m not mad - Halsey

Moral of the story - Ashe

Blue - Madison Beer

[can-of-pringles]

Song Analysis - Iriel's Playlist

Note: some of these songs don’t perfectly fit timeline-wise. As the order of them could be a bit off. Also, some have full lyrics while others just have a brief description. Also, you can only have up to 10 Spotify widgets so I’m trying to save them for specific songs.

Human - Orla Gartland

(This song isn’t playable on Spotify anymore but I can’t bring myself to take it off the playlist)

This song is from Iriel’s POV. It’s about her feeling envy of humans and how much freedom they have.

This one is about Iriel and Arith. It’s not from their POVs. It’s more I guess ours (or mine at least)

About Iriel and how she usually has a strict routine to follow, until she met Arith. She falls in love and doesn’t know how to deal.

Daddy's little girl started growing up (Up, up, up, up)

She left the suburbs in the summer 'cause she fell in love (Love, love, love)

Temperature's 101, uh, on the 405

Right around 6:15 and she's gotta be back by 9

Honey's just 22 and she doesn't know what to do

So I tell her "don't cry, can't worry 'bout time"

You can't worry 'bout time

And you can hit my line like 24/7, 24/7, 24/7

I'll be there to listen anytime

I'll be there to listen anytime

Arith telling Iriel not to fret too much about it and that he’ll be here to comfort her.

Arith’s part

Mama's baby boy started blowin' up (Up, up, up, up)

Left his hometown, didn't slow down 'cause he never fell far enough

Headed out on PCH, mm (Oh, yeah)

Doing 58, (Oh, yeah) doesn't want to be too late (Alright)

So he's switching lanes

But he's just 25 (Hey!)

And he got his money, right?

So I told him "don't rush, just give it some time" (Ohh)

Just give it some time (Ooo)

You can hit my line like 24/7, 24/7, 24/7

I'll be there to listen anytime

I know what it means to ya

Any time, all day, every week, for ya

I'll be there to listen and believe in ya

It's the same thing that I really need from ya

Time, we only get so much time

I think this particular lyric sticks with me so much because they really only did get so much time. It’s sad I know.

And you can hit my line like 24/7 (All day), 24/7 (All night), 24/7

I'll be there to listen anytime

24/7, 24/7, 24/7

I'll be there to listen anytime

I'll be there to listen any-

Sable On Blond - Stevie Nicks

From Iriel’s POV about Arith.

Only Angel - Harry Styles

This one is kinda just Iriel vibes imo.

Iriel’s POV. About how she’s finally realizing that Heaven is corrupt. (And that Arith is helping her realize this)

You're waking me up

I hope I land on two feet

Clueless up until today

Writing off anyone that tells me anything

Stubborn locks of gold

Hiding my face inside of my head

She does have blond hair.

Running my mouth but not telling ya how I feel

How I feel

How when she has to report something to Heaven but doesn’t say what she wants to say.

Until now, I've kept this to myself

Been sleeping right through it all

It feels good to finally figure out

I needed this all along

You're waking me up

Oh, everything feels different

You're waking me up

Oh, everything is solid gold

You're waking me up

I never saw the bright side

Not up until today

I always saw the darkness in everything

Bit of an exaggeration but it could be tiring for her to constantly do the same stuff for Heaven for what she thought would go on for eternity.

Stubborn locks of gold

Hiding my face inside of my head

Running my mouth but not telling ya how I feel

How I feel

Until now, I've kept this to myself

Been sleeping right through it all

You're waking me up

Oh, everything feels different

You're waking me up

Oh, everything is solid gold

You're waking me up

Oh, everything feels different

You're waking me up

Oh, you're waking me up

Everything I see melts with my eyes

Every thought I have glows with the light

You're waking me up

Oh, everything feels different

You're waking me up

Oh, everything is solid gold

You're waking me up

Oh, everything feels different

You're waking me up

Oh, you're waking me up

Iriel’s POV. About how she thought she belonged in Heaven but realized she was better without them. It still hurt to find out though.

Was it real?

Or was it my imagination that got hung up on a search for a thrill?

Or something to feel

If I'm in the way, tell me to move

But can we have a conversation where we're making it about what's true?

Let me tell the truth to you

I thought I heard the welcome music playing

I thought I heard a voice say I belong

I didn't know it was so complicated

To read the signs that told me you were home

Arith being her home symbolically sort of.

I thought I saw the lights on

I thought I saw the lights on

Ain't it strange

That after everything we talked about I'm feeling like it's alrеady changed?

Ain't it strange?

She and Arith discuss the hard truth(s) about Heaven.

I'm searching for signs, looking for cluеs

I could have sworn that door was open, now there's not even a window to use

I'm a little confused by you

At first, she is a little confused by Arith. Mainly because he hates Heaven and Hell, so where did that leave him? She didn’t realize that she could be independent of her side.

I thought I heard the welcome music playing

I thought I heard a voice say I belong

I didn't know it was so complicated

To read the signs that told me you were home

I thought I saw the lights on

I thought I saw the lights on

I thought I saw the lights on

I thought I saw the lights on, the lights on

So tell me again, tell me again, tell me again

Is it me that you're afraid of?

Tell me again, tell me again, tell me again

Or is it something we keep running from?

'Cause love is simple when the battle's always left undone

I need what I want

I thought I heard the welcome music playing

I thought I heard a voice say I belong

I didn't know it was so complicated

To read the signs that told me you were home

I thought I saw the lights on

I thought I saw the lights on

I thought I heard the welcome music playing

I thought I heard a voice say I belong

I didn't know it was so complicated

To read the signs that told me you were home

I thought I saw the lights on

I thought I saw the lights on

I thought I saw the lights on

I thought I saw the lights on, the lights on

Whoo!

The Family Jewels - MARINA

Iriel’s POV about Heaven. It’s a little bit like a toxic family (to her at least)

Morningside - Saint Blonde

This one is more general Iriel vibes.

Falling For U - Peachy!

This is from Iriel’s POV. About her crush on Arith but being scared of what would happen if she told him how she felt. So she keeps it to herself at least in the beginning.

Iriel’s POV. Kinda similar to the one above.

I want you

I hold one card

That I can't use

But I want you

You're coming back

And it's the end of the world

We're starting over

And I love you, darling

And I am done, dear

The end of the world part is more about how what happens to them eventually.

You're in the house

And I am here in the car

I just need a quiet place

Where I can scream

How I love you

I found you

I found the door

But when I stepped through

There was no floor

You're coming back

And it's the end of the world

We're starting over

And I love you, darling

And I am done, dear

You're in the house

And I am here in the car

I just need a quiet place

Where I can scream

How I love you

I want you

I want you

Holy Ghost - BORNS

From Arith’s POV actually. About Iriel.

Undisclosed Desires - Muse

This one has similar vibes to the above song but opposite. It’s from Iriel’s POV. About Arith.

This Side of Paradise - Coyote Theory

About Arith and Iriel.

Both Iriel and Arith’s POV

Iriel’s part

Stayed up all night long

Trying to get it right

Fear I won't belong

Till I go outside

On the water

Staring inside of the sun

Wanted to pull me closer (Closer)

On the water

Staring inside

Can I go for a ride to the glow?

When I’m with you

I'm closer to the sun

I pack my bags and go

Like I'm on the run

When I’m with you

I'm closer to the sun

I wanna get, get, get away

I wanna get, get, get away

I wanna get, get, get away (I wanna get, get, get away)

Arith’s part

Stayed up all night long

Staring in my eyes

Feel I don't belong

Till I'm in the light

On the water

Staring inside of the sun

Wanted to pull me closer (Closer)

On the water

Staring inside

Can I go for a ride to the glow?

When I'm with you

I'm closer to the sun

I pack my bags and go

Like I'm on the run

When I'm with you

I’m closer to the sun

I wanna get, get, get away (Get away, get away)

I wanna get, get, get away (I wanna get, get, get away)

I wanna get, get, get away (I wanna get, get, get away)

When I’m with you

I'm closer to the sun

I pack my bags and go

Like I’m on the run

When I'm with you

I'm closer to the sun

I wanna get, get, get away

Get away

When I'm with you

I’m closer to the sun

I pack my bags and go

Like I'm on the run

When I'm with you

I'm closer to the sun

I wanna get, get, get away

I wanna get, get, get away (I wanna get, get, get away)

I wanna get, get, get away

(Closer to the sun)

I wanna get, get, get away

Shadows - Sabrina Carpenter

Iriel’s POV. About Arith. And how she genuinely loves him despite his past and flaws.

Army of One - Coldplay

Iriel’s POV. Arith will be there to protect her, but this is a reminder she’ll be his protector as well.

Iriel’s POV.

I steal a few breaths from the world for a minute

And then I'll be nothing forever

And all of my memories

And all of the things I have seen will be gone

With my eyes, with my body, with me

Iriel originally believed that she’ll just be existing with basically no purpose forever.

But me and my husband

We are doing better

It's always been just him and me

Together

So I bet all I have on that

Furrowed brow

And at least in this lifetime

We're sticking together

Me and my husband

We're sticking together

Until she realized there’s more she can do, to be happier and live life fuller. Especially with Arith by her side.

And I'm the idiot with the painted face

In the corner, taking up space

Iriel being in Heaven and being ignored or having to put on an act if someone does interact with her in HQ.

But when he walks in, I am loved, I am loved

When she’s done having to be at HQ, immediately goes home to Arith and feels happier.

Me and my husband

We are doing better

It's always been just him and me

Together

So I bet all I have on that

Furrowed brow

And at least in this lifetime

We're sticking together

Me and my husband

We're sticking together

Me and my husband

We are doing better

Iriel’s POV. I feel like this one has a lot of different topics so to speak?

Tonight I think I might explode, yeah

Nothing's right, nothing's right

Comfort me until the sun arrives

You can't go ratting me out this time

You can't go ratting me out this time, no

You can't go ratting me out this time

You can't go ratting me out this time, no

About Heaven trying to expose what Iriel’s doing but how she’s at the point where she doesn’t care anymore.

Carry me, are you strong enough

To make me feel complete

Like there's church in my heart

Carry me, are you strong enough

To make me numb and free

Like there's nothing to fear in the dark

She worries sometimes that she might “be too much” for Arith. (Though of course this is an irrational thought)

I've been filling up a ditch

With anything that I can fit

Comfort me and get me through the night

You can't go ratting me out this time

You can't go ratting me out this time, no

You can't go ratting me out this time

You can't go ratting me out this time, no

Carry me, are you strong enough

To make me feel complete

Like there's church in my heart

Carry me, are you strong enough

To make me numb and free

Like there's nothing to fear in the dark

Sometimes it takes ahold

Sometimes it takes a toll on me

(There's no one there, in the night)

You can't go ratting me out, not this time

Carry me, are you strong enough

To make me feel complete

Like there's church in my heart

Carry me, are you strong enough

To make me numb and free

Like there's nothing to fear in the dark

From Arith’s POV. Kinda about their relationship. This one is more of a general fun vibe.

Honey, this club here is stuck up

Dinner and diatribes

I knew well from our first hookup

The look of mischief in your eyes

Your friends are a fate that befell me

They do have mutual friends (Crowley and Aziraphale)

Hell is the talking type

I'd suffer Hell if you’d tell me

What you'd do to me tonight

Tell me

Tell me

Tell me, ah

That's the kind of love

I’ve been dreaming of

That's the kind of love

I've been dreaming of

Honey, I laugh when it sinks in

A pillar I am, upright

Scarcely can speak for my thinking

What you'd do to me tonight

Now that the evening is slowing

Now that the end's in sight

Honey, it's easier knowing what you'd do to me tonight

Tell me

Tell me

Tell your man

That's the kind of love

I’ve been dreaming of

That’s the kind of love

I've been dreaming of

(That’s the kind of love

That's the kind of love

That's the kind of love

That's the kind of love)

Oh, let there be hotel complaints and grievances raised

And that kind of love

The grievances part is definitely true when the sides find out about them.

(That’s the kind of love

That's the kind of love

That's the kind of love

That's the kind of love)

Oh, let there be damage ensued and tabloid news

And that kind of love

(That's the kind of love

That's the kind of love

That's the kind of love

That's the kind of love)

That's the kind of love

I've been dreaming of

Ah, oh-oh-oh, ah

That's the kind of love

I've been dreaming of

And that's the kind of love

I've been dreaming of

Titanium - Madilyn Bailey

Iriel’s POV. About how strong she is tbh.

Iriel’s POV. About different things.

A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes

I screamed aloud, as it tore through them

And now it's left me blind

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out

You left me in the dark

About how Heaven lied to her.

No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight

She’s in the middle of everything.

In the shadow of your heart

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat

I tried to find the sound

But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness

So darkness I became

She didn’t really become darkness but it’s more how the other angels viewed her once she was in her relationship with Arith. Iriel didn’t mind this perception of herself too much, it slightly gave her pride. Because she was rebelling.

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out

You left me in the dark

No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight

In the shadow of your heart

I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map

And knew that somehow I could find my way back

Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too

So I stayed in the darkness with you

Iriel decides to stay with Arith.

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out

You left me in the dark

No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight

In the shadow of your heart

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out

You left me in the dark

No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight

In the shadow of your heart

Holding on Where I Am Able - The Oh Hellos

This one is instrumental! But I just thought the vibes reminded me of Iriel.

From Arith’s POV. It’s kinda an overview of their relationship and what happened to them. More so the vibes. Like if Arith could rewatch his and Iriel’s lives with an outside perspective (knowing what happens to them)

I, I gazed

Upon the Earth

Observed

Every faulted line

And time

She moved so slow it taxed my feeble

Mind

And I waited impatient for something to come around

Did you know I was there?

Did you know what I needed?

How, how long?

How, how long

Did I stand in the garden with my breath against the leaves

As the trees bowed down and weeds would gather 'round my legs up to my knees

How, how long?

How long?

How long?

I, I gazed

Into your eyes

The day

You promised you could lie forever

This way

Your hand in mine and the stars singing our

Names

And I waited impatient for something to come around

Did you know what it meant?

Did you know we were fading?

How, how long?

How their relationship (and them) was/were killed.

How, how long

Did we lie in the soil with our arms and legs tangled up

Like the weeds and the branches of the trees that bound our souls and necks to the ground below?

How, how long?

How long?

How long?

Didn’t mean to take you down

Didn't mean to take you down

I thought you'd wanna stay

I thought we would be fine whatever came our way

Arith feels guilty and blames himself partially for what happened to them. (Iriel of course did want and choose to stay while they were alive) but Arith thinks so much pain could’ve been prevented. It’s difficult.

Didn’t know my world was dark

Didn't know my world was dark

Until you came

And you wilted with the lack of sun

Falling prey

To the weight

And disarray

Now you know how it felt

Now you know why I needed it

How wrong

How wrong

You assumed that I could make you feel it was worth it

But all I ever did was drag you down and bring you in and out through hell again

My goddess of light

And spring and all things good

How wrong

How long

Before you break down and fly away with your spirit

And mine in tow and leave me below with all the fates and shades and the river passing through?

But I could never blame you

No, I never could blame you

He never blames her for anything that happened to them, he always blames himself. 😢

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

What do you think of JM’s updated Spotify? I don’t normally read into things, but his song choices makes me sad. “At my worst” “I can’t be myself (excuse me while I cry) & “When was it over?” With the lyrics “was it that fight we didn’t have when I came in? Was it the first time you saw me drunk? Second time I said I’m sorry?” It sounds like a replay of Vmins dumpling incident and it worries me. JM looked off in the recent live, almost sad and pouty lately. Do you think I’m over analyzing it?

Admin 1: The short answer to this would be: yes, you are over analyzing things.

The longer one would be that, for example, Pink Sweat$'s At My Worst isn't a sad song, it's actually the exact opposite. It's a very cute and romantic song. Just look at the first verse:

Can I call you baby? Can you be my friend? Can you be my lover up until the very end? Let me show you love, oh, no pretend Stick by my side even when the world is caving in, yeah

I'd actually argue this kinda sounds like a mixture between Sweet Night and Friends when it comes to the sentiment of those words. I’ve seen some people even claim that this will replace Ed Sheeran’s romantic songs that have so far been used at every wedding ever because of how sweet it is.

Then we have Justin Bieber’s I can’t be myself which I believe you probably only looked at the title and jumped to conclusions because, again, this isn’t a sad song either. The lyrics are more about how Justin (or whoever) cannot be himself when you (I’d guess he likely means his wife) isn’t by his side, thus wanting to say that he is happiest and most himself when they are together. It’s sweet and lovely, not sad.

I could travel any place But without you, it's just runnin' around (Girl, I'm just runnin' around) They could open Heaven's gates But without you, I'm just stuck in the clouds (Yeah, yeah)

Lastly, from the songs you specifically highlighted, is Sasha Sloan’s when was it over? which yes, I’ll admit this one is a sad song about not being able to let go even though you know there is nothing left. The song though has a very calm sound, something you’d listen to in the evening, and something I could see both him and Tae like listening to, not because Jimin relates to the lyrics but because it’s simply a pretty song.

On my current playlist I have Stromae’s Formidable, a song about a heartbroken man getting wasted after a breakup. I’ve neither gotten my heart broken nor am I sad and yet I still love this song because it’s just a really good song. Sometimes that’s the only reason we need to listen to a song. Nothing more to it.

All that to say that I don’t believe there is any correlation whatsoever to be made here, especially since Tae and Jimin look more than happy in recent months (did you notice Jimin happily smiling at Tae during their most recent performance of Butter for Colbert at the beginning of their subunit dance?) and there is nothing that could indicate to us that something went wrong between them, or that Jimin could be sad or something bad going on with him. I mean, look at JKs playlist and the fact that he has Billie Eilish’s Your Power on it, applying your thought process, does that mean that JK is trying to tell us he went through something similar to Billie? That he is sad? Or do you think he simply recommended that song because he likes Billie’s music? The last one seems the most likely, doesn’t it?

So, to sum it all up, there is absolutely no need to worry, seriously.

Admin 2: In the evenings, when it's very quiet and my big city has fallen asleep, I really enjoy listening to Sweet Night. I also like to go back to 4 O'Clock from time to time (although I know I will cry). Does that mean I missed my chance in life to be with my beloved? No and no again! I've never been in a situation like this, I wasn't unhappy or "fragily" in love, no one abandoned me or cheated on me. I listen to these songs because I love them. They match the mood of the evening and calm me down despite the sad lyrics and let me fall asleep peacefully.

I am a person who listens to a lot of songs from the past; Songs that remind me of situations, remind me of years of studying, enable me to relive certain situations.

Dear Anon, thank you very much for your question (confession), but I admit that I see it as "looking for some kind of backdoor" so to speak, a way to create a loophole and deny everything after all.

I don't know who you are, I don't know if you really are a Vminnie, but I think you are clinging to any possibility of a situation to undermine the reality or existence of Vmin. That's how I see it, if I offend you, I apologize. The more we get new materials about Tae and Jimin every day, like them being cute in the McDonald's behind the scenes, the more such "sad thoughts" we get sent to us through asks every day.

Firstly, I'm not sure if Jimin (and Taehyung) is fluent enough in English to capture the accuracy of the lyrics and understand its message. Of course, you can translate it, but for that to happen first the song has to catch your attention, and usually it's the melody and the overall feeling of a song that does it, and not the lyrics. And that is the point!

I think Jimin picked these tracks because he simply likes them. Perhaps he first paid attention to the melodies and the mood and only then understood the lyrics sometime later.

A lot of people (including me) hear some kind of song instead of another because they are intrigued by the melody or the association with a particular situation. The mood that fits the moment, the weather, the time of day or many other things which lead us to choose this song and not another.

Maybe Jimin and Taehyung were driving at night and listening to the song on the radio, maybe they were in a romantic mood back then, just having dinner together or taking a half bath together. Ha ha, I know I am deceiving and romanticizing what I am saying to reflect the vast possibilities and reasons why you listen to music like this and no other. Jimin putting together this list of songs for his spotify playlist doesn't mean he listens to it all the time, every day, but that he has the songs he likes on his list and chose the ones he wants to hear right now, or that he thought ARMY could like.

Of course, I'm sure he listens to very different songs during exercising than the one lying in bed before falling asleep. Maybe he's listening to this list, just like we hear the songs from BTS? We know individual words after repeating them several times, and we generally know (as we decide to read translations) what is going on in a particular song, but we don't understand all the words accurately. Not all of us are in the same situation as described in a particular song, but still we listen to it because we like it, because BTS sings it, because we are waiting for a solo from Suga etc. etc. etc.

For some time now we have been seeing (I see) Vmin happy, even very happy, as if "after the night the day came and after the storm came peace" (by the way, these are the words of one of my favorite songs), I have the impression that Vmin have finished fighting all their fights and they are just happy now, finally. Taehyung looks like a million dollars, he's literally glowing and far more lively than he was a year ago.

To him, Jimin is like smooch like butter and someone he likes the most. Taehyung is a handsome and hot chingu for Jimin who he also likes him the most as well. Tell me dear Anon, where is there room for fear and doubt in the love they share? Why and on what basis do you suspect that Vmin has broken up, or is having problems, or that either of them is unhappy? Besides, if one of them has an off day or is simply tired after a packet schedule and thus doesn't look as animated, why is that immediately read as "Jimin and Tae aren't together anymore" or "they are drifting apart" when chances are far more likely that it has nothing to do with their bond? Based on the playlist, or based on Vlive, or maybe based on both of these events, what is the correlation?

I've seen the Vlive. To tell the truth, I didn't see a sad and pouty Jimin there. Instead, I saw Taehyung smiling and content, and Jimin smiled and admired Tae's new hairstyle. I watched the latest BTS interviews. Vmin stared at each other, Jimin stared at Tae with a big smile that only grew in size and the two communicated with their eyes.

Jimin caressed Taehyung's back/butt in the Butter MV making Episode and said there’s butter here (though it wasn’t translated in the subs).

In the McD ad they were together and standing next to each other, even with Jimin resting his head on Tae's shoulder and then Jimin eating Tae's chicken nugget from his hand.

Honestly, I don't know what else Vmin would have to do to keep people from doubting their bond and happiness. They have shown us so much, I think they have reached the limit of what can be said without saying it bluntly.

Most importantly, this is a very interesting situation as we have never had as much "dubious news/content" (not meant negatively at all) as we have now after Taehyung's interview with his ‘confession’/clarification about Sweet Night. To me it smells a bit like someone wants to cause fear or plant the seed of doubt, or be like a trojan horse with the underlying idea of course being that "well...we must be wrong" even though there’s no reason for us to believe/think that.

[eumenidaes]

I posted 14,506 times in 2022

That's 2,162 more posts than 2021!

157 posts created (1%)

14,349 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most: (breaking the @ so I don't have to show up in people's notifications lol)

@ possum-tooth

@ gxldandpurple

@ aspiringwarriorlibrarian

@ pinkyshy101

@ caspercryptid

I tagged 2,857 of my posts in 2022

#video - 336 posts

#kitty - 282 posts

#tag game - 215 posts

#space - 158 posts

#my posts - 114 posts

#chae-yeong - 102 posts

#ask meme - 94 posts

#ironwood - 81 posts

#rohan - 75 posts

#about - 57 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#james watching his wife beat the hell out of a man for disagreeing with her war crimes: hmm. think this might have awakened something in me

My Top Posts in 2022:

Rest of this is under the cut because some of them get LONG

#5

gxldandpurple: Have you ever traveled to a different country? If you haven’t, which one would be the first you would go to?

eumenidaes: Technically I left the US once bcs I went on a cruise when I was like 5 and we stopped at one of the islands in the Caribbean, but I don’t remember any details of it or even where specifically we stopped. I’d like to go to South Korea one day tho, I’m part Korean but have always felt kinda disconnected to that aspect of my culture for a number of reasons (I’m a quarter Korean and white, American assimilation means I didn’t learn pretty much anything about my background growing up, etc). idk if going there would really help with that, but it would be cool to get to go there and like. Learn more about that part of my background, if that makes any sense

5 notes - Posted September 28, 2022

#4

22 for the Spotify ask meme!

It didn't take nearly as long as I expected it would, but the short story's finished! Thanks for exchanging requests for art with our number 22 songs with me lol, this song is Oh No! by MARINA (tho for some reason it looks like spotify moved around some of my songs and it's not there anymore??? idk, I'm not changing it to be another song when that other one was also requested lol)

I tried to incorporate themes from the song of things like neglecting personal relationships due to a desire to succeed and make a change in the world/life. This is focused on my RWBY OC, Chae-Yeong Vermeil, and you can also read it on ao3!

“Miss Vermeil! Chae-Yeong!”

Chae-Yeong turns at the sound of her name to see the familiar cheery face of Ashley Linden making her way through the first floor of the Vermeil Foundation building. 

The musician has become a familiar face at the charity’s headquarters over the past couple of months, and as much as Chae-Yeong’s inclined to believe people are good, she can’t help wondering if Ashley’s just here out of a desire to help people in Mantle. She’s well aware that Ashley insists on making her donations to the charity with Chae-Yeong personally, and that she’s been known to leave upon finding out that Chae-Yeong isn’t there today. It's clear that she doesn’t like staying in Mantle for long. That combined with how even now, Ashley casts a quick glance downwards towards Chae-Yeong’s chest makes her main intention for being here clear— she’s attracted to Chae-Yeong, and she wants to get close to her. 

If she were twenty years younger and not used to people who don’t even know her pining after her, Chae-Yeong might be flattered. But she is forty-six, and Ashley is twenty-eight, and Chae-Yeong has long since moved past enjoying people she barely speaks to wanting to date her. There are far more important things in the world, like running her company, working on developing space travel, and trying to improve Atlas and Mantle for everyone in it. 

But Chae-Yeong knows how to play nice. She has an image to upkeep, and whatever feelings she holds privately don’t need to be shared with anyone. 

“Hi, it's Ashley, right? How are you?” Chae-Yeong asks. She knows exactly who Ashley is, but pretending she’s bad with names is all part of the act. It also might deter her from continuing to pursue her. 

She hopes this won’t take long. She has work to do. Neither the Vermeil Foundation of Vermeil Industries run themselves, and even if her job as CEO isn’t meant to keep her involved with what’s happening in her company, she likes to be. Chae-Yeong would rather sit through mind numbingly boring meetings and seemingly endless emails than do nothing but play golf and only ever interact with people that are inordinately wealthy. Besides, her involvement in her company’s practices and its charitable offshoot means that she can make sure that everyone working for her is getting treated well. 

“I’m great, for sure,” Ashley says. She fiddles with the end of some of her long blonde hair. “Actually, I was just looking for you.”

“Yeah?” Chae-Yeong prompts. 

“Are you doing anything tonight?” 

And there’s the question Chae-Yeong had been waiting for. Honestly, she’s impressed. It usually takes even less interaction with her for someone to get bold enough to ask her out. 

The answer will, of course, be no. The question is how to phrase the rejection without upsetting Ashley too much or letting her get far enough to feel humiliated. 

“I’ve actually got a date later tonight. I don’t know how well it’ll go, but I might be, ah, unavailable for a long while after that,” Chae-Yeong says. It’s a complete lie, but those can make the best excuses. Plus, it helps her to maintain the playgirl reputation she’s cultivated over the years.  

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were in a relationship,” Ashley says, and she’s mastered the Atlesian art of burying your feelings deep inside. There's disappointment clear in her eyes, but her expression remains bright as if she hadn't been hoping that Chae-Yeong was single. 

Chae-Yeong is in a relationship, but that’s not something that anyone is supposed to know about. Everything between her and James is supposed to be private. If she were telling anyone about it, the last choice would be a pop star that would tell the tabloid’s that Atlas’ general and the CEO of Vermeil Industries are dating. 

“It’s nothing too long term, just our second date,” Chae-Yeong says. It’s best to keep these made up relationships short, that way it’s harder to fact check. 

“Yeah, that’s pretty early on,” Ashley agrees, and Chae-Yeong recognizes the way her eyes regain their light at the thought. With a short relationship, she sees opportunity. If they’re only in the getting to know you phase still, it could be brief. Maybe Ashley won’t try to ask Chae-Yeong out now, but she will again in the future, after this fictionalized relationship has fizzled out. 

Chae-Yeong knows that she’s only creating an endless cycle with this by lying and acting like if she was single, Ashley would have a chance with her. But outright rejecting Ashley would only upset her. At least this option gives her hope, even if it is a false one. 

“Sorry if you wanted to do something, though,” Chae-Yeong says. 

“It’s fine, don’t worry. I hope your date goes well!” Ashley says, even though she definitely doesn’t hope it goes well. 

“Maybe we can get a rain check?” Chae-Yeong suggests. “I should be free at… some point. I’d have to check my schedule, it’s hard to keep track of everything.”

It isn’t, and Chae-Yeong knows exactly when she’s free. But this is another part of her public persona, and it gives her a good way to postpone any future attempts by Ashley to ask her out. 

“Yeah, we can figure it out later,” Ashley says. She rocks back on her heels. “I guess I should let you go, huh?”

“If you don’t mind. I have a lot going on, well, pretty much all the time,” Chae-Yeong says with a laugh. That’s not a lie, but it’s also a good way to get out of this conversation. 

“No worries,” Ashley assures. 

“Thanks so much.” Hoping to avoid getting caught up in more conversation if Ashley thinks of anything else to say, she starts walking towards the elevator. “See you later!”

With a press of a button, the elevator is called to the first floor. It arrives with a ding as Ashley says her goodbyes, and Chae-Yeong steps in, waving one last time before the doors close. 

See the full post

5 notes - Posted December 2, 2022

#3

If anyone wants to know how unhinged about Ironwood I am, I did a sporcle where you were supposed to write out his entire ultimatum and I was stumped bcs I had literally one word of it that I couldn’t figure out bcs the word I thought was supposed to go there was said to be wrong. It turns out it’s bcs I knew the monologue better than the quiz did

5 notes - Posted November 3, 2022

#2

See the full post

5 notes - Posted April 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Love tumblr ads that clearly were not supposed to be published

29 notes - Posted February 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[spice-mice]

little miss perfect - asami x female reader

anonymous requested: Hiiiiiii uh maybe 19 for the spotify wrapped thing and Asami???? Thank yooouuuu

Title: Little Miss Perfect

Pairing: Asami x Reader

Word Count: 1737

Summary: The reader is the next in line to be Queen of the Earth Kingdom, but she’s terrified of making mistakes. With the guilt of not being able to protect her aunt, the reader feels pressured to do anything other than what her aunt told her as a child.

Warnings: Trauma, Internalized Homophobia, overworking yourself, and a bit of cursing. Let me know if there’s any more!

Notes: I usually write with a gender neutral reader, but I felt like a female reader would fit the song more. Let me know if you want a part two!

You shot six daggers of earth at Bolin, each of them narrowly missing him. At this point, the two of you weren’t even sparring anymore; you were just throwing rocks at Bolin and he was dodging them.

“We can take a break if you want,” Bolin panted. 

“I can’t take a break until I’ve mastered this move.”

“Y/n, you’ve pinned me twelve times.”

“Twelve times out of, what? Six hundred daggers? That’s two percent. I can’t be queen if I only have a two percent success rate.” You sped up your attacks, and pinned Bolin to the wall for the seventh time. 

“Come on,” he pleaded. “We’ve been doing this for an hour. Just a five minute break won’t hurt.”

You sighed, pulling Bolin off the wall. “Fine. Five minutes.” Both of you walked over to a nearby bench to sit and catch your breath. 

“You know, you’re actually a really good earthbender- one of the best I’ve ever met.”

You looked at Bolin, your face displaying little to no emotion. “Thanks.” 

“Y/n,” he continued, pulling your shoulders to face him. “You need to stop being so hard on yourself. You only started training a month ago. You can’t expect to be perfect already. I know you’re facing a lot of pressure right now, but you aren’t going to get anywhere if you don't allow yourself to make mistakes.”

“I do allow myself to make mistakes. Once. Then I figure my shit out and do better.”

Bolin sighed. “Just, don’t beat yourself up. You’re really great.”

---

“Hey, Y/n,” Asami greeted you, running up to you from across the courtyard. She must have been sitting in the garden. “I haven’t seen you in a while. You must be training really hard.”

You looked at Asami and gave her a weak smile. “Yeah, I really have.” You had been up late last night studying ancient scrolls, so you were using the majority of your energy just to keep yourself on your feet.

Asami stopped suddenly, taking your face in her hands. She surveyed your features carefully, taking each piece of your face in as if it was the last time she would see them. “When was the last time you got a good night’s sleep?”

At the close contact, your heart thumped in your chest. You shook it off and tried to wrack your brain for a good answer. Recently, all of your thoughts had seemed fuzzy; the exhaustion was really taking its toll on you, and Asami’s soft hands on your face didn’t help, either. “Um,” you mumbled. “I don’t know.”

She dropped her hands to her sides and a wave of concern washed over her face. “You look awful. C’mon, I’m taking you to my room so you can sleep in peace.”

“But-”

“Nope. I don’t want to hear it. I’m not just going to continue letting you overwork yourself to the point of exhaustion. If anyone has a problem with that, they can talk to me.” 

Asami clutched your hand and led you to her room. When you arrived, she tucked you into her bed and put on a little bit of calming music.

She smiled softly as she looked at your tense figure in her bed. At least you were trying to relax. “Just let me know if there’s anything you need. Since today’s your relaxing day, I don’t want you doing much.” She turned to leave, but just as she was about to close the door, you called after her.

“Hey Asami? Can you maybe, uh, stay here?”

Upon hearing your words, she turned right back around and walked up to her bed. She climbed carefully under the covers and wrapped her arms around you. 

“Is this okay?”

Your face flushed red. In the midst of your obvious moment of panic, you managed to choke out a small, “Yeah, totally.”

---

A couple of weeks later, you found yourself sitting atop a ledge overlooking all of Ba Sing Se. The sun was passing just below the horizon, casting a yellow-orange light over the whole sky. The view was breathtaking. 

In about a month, you would be ruling this kingdom, and while it was terrifying, there was a beauty in all of it. Sure you had struggled a bit, but who hadn’t? Deep down, you knew that you would be a great ruler. 

“Hey,” came a soft voice from behind you. “Is this seat taken?”

You turned around to find the one and only Asami Sato. The moment you looked at her, your heart stopped. She looked stunning. You had never seen her dressed so nicely; she was dressed up for some sort of fancy occasion, maybe one you would ask about later. “No, no, it’s totally free. I mean, obviously. I’m the only one here, and it’s kind of late, so it’s not like I’d be waiting for someone else. I mean who would I even be waiting for? My only friends are you, Bolin, Mako, and Korra.” You looked at your hands. “I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

Asami smiled at you. That smile could make your whole day. Hell, it could make your whole lifetime. When she smiled, your heart would feel like it was doing backflips, and your breath would catch in your throat. It was the warm, fresh-out-the-oven, Christmas cookies on a bitterly cold day. It was the cool ocean breeze on a hot day at the beach. 

“Yeah. But honestly, I think it’s adorable.” Asami swung her legs over the ledge and sat down beside you. 

Your cheeks burned as the blood rushed to your face. You covered your face with your hands and mumbled out a quiet thank you.   

“So,” she started. “How’s your royal preparation treating you?”

“Honestly, not great. I feel like I can’t spend a single minute doing anything but preparing. I’ve been training my ass off for months, and I still don’t feel like I’m good enough. I’ve barely been getting enough sleep because I stay up all night reading ancient scrolls because I’m so terrified of messing up and ruining the whole kingdom. On top of all that, I still haven’t found a husband.”

“Well, what do you need a husband for? I think you’d be a great ruler on your own.” Asami looked directly into your eyes. Underneath all of her hiding, you could see she was just a little bit hurt.

“Well, my aunt was always telling me about how I needed to find a prince so I could be ready to rule if she ever stepped down, and I feel like now that she’s gone, I kind of owe that to her.”

“Y/n, you don’t owe her anything. You’re going to be the queen now. You can make your own decisions.” She spoke with such passion in her voice, you couldn’t help but believe her. 

“I guess you’re right.” You had been so focused on telling Asami about your life, you didn’t even notice how close your faces had become. Your lips were mere centimeters apart, and your noses were practically touching. She was staring into your eyes, and you were staring right back.

Without a second thought, you cupped her face and pulled her lips to meet yours in a warm, longing kiss. You hadn’t even realized until now how much you liked Asami. As she kissed you back, your mouths danced together. They fit perfectly into each other, like two puzzle pieces you hadn’t even noticed belonged to the same puzzle. Her lips were soft like pillows, and her tongue tasted like apples and fresh picked gardenias. 

Pulling away, you rested your forehead against hers. For a split second, you were filled with overwhelming joy, and you had the urge to kiss her again.

All of this was before the panic set in.

“No. No, no, no. I’m so sorry.” You hopped off the ledge and ran towards the palace. 

“Y/n wait!”

You were already too far away to hear her, though you weren’t sure that you would’ve even responded if you could. Tears pooled in your eyes, threatening to spill down your cheeks.

It was your fault your aunt died. If you hadn’t been out with your friends that day, you could have been there to save her. But you weren’t, and now you had to do this for her. The last thing you could do was disappoint her. Not only was Asami a woman, she was also a non-bender. She was unbelievably smart, sure, but your aunt would never want you to marry her. You decided it was best to erase Asami from your life and pretend you never kissed her.

---

Asami walked up to you the next day. “Hey, can we talk?”

“What is there to talk about?”

“You know, the kiss?”

“What kiss? Just leave me alone. I have things to do.” You walked away, leaving Asami standing there all by herself, heartbroken and confused.

---

She approached you again the next day with the same question. And the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that. Each time you gave the same answer. After about two weeks of this, Asami decided she had had enough. 

The next time she saw you, she ran up to you and grabbed your wrist. 

“What is going on with you? I know we kissed, and I know you know we kissed, so why are you trying to act like we didn’t?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you answered, attempting to pull your wrist from her grip. 

This only made her hang on tighter. “Stop pretending that didn’t happen. Pretending isn’t going to erase the fact that you have feelings for me, and it certainly isn’t going to erase the fact that I have feelings for you. If you don’t want to have a relationship with me, that’s fine, but you need to tell me.” Her voice softened. “I love you, Y/n and I can’t stand to see you like this. I know you’re fighting your own internal battles, but can you at least talk to me about it?”

“I’m sorry,” you responded after her long monologue. “I like you, I really do, I just need some time. Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

She grabbed your hand and gave it a light squeeze. “Of course. Take care of yourself until then.”

Thanks for reading! I hope I did you justice! Let me know if you want a part two!