#i can't find the Exact phrasing but it was something like. 'the thing that was born‚ that explosive feeling‚ was identity!' but the word

[pinkinsect]

i need to get better at literary analysis in japanese because it's always like. does this sentence have a double meaning or am i just not great at this language.

[k3n-dyll]

☆Strawberry Crush

Warnings...18+, wlw, loser!Ellie, fem!reader, a few reader descriptions based on the song (lipgloss, nails - nothing body/skin/hair-wise), Ellie is...kind of a stalker, honestly?, porn with a plot, submasc!Ellie, domfem!reader, Ellie is really eager and awkward, sloppy kisses, food play? (strawberry juice is involved), fingering (r!receiving), face sitting, sixty nine

Word Count:3.2k || MDNI Banner Creds. || Donations 4 Palestine

Notes ☆ Kinda hate this but I've had this damn song in my head for fucking weeks and I needed to write something about it (Spotify link in title).Should have done this when my theme was red but fuck it

Ellie's green eyes flit carelessly over the obviously bruised and beaten-up avocado in her hand, turning the bulbous fruit around over and over again as if she's truly considering buying the pitiful thing. There's a slight feeling of mushiness to it that kind of makes the hairs on her arms stand up - whatever poor fuck decides to pick this thing up once she puts it back in its crate is bound to find nothing but brown sludge on the inside.

Each turn of the overripened avocado is accompanied by a 'subtle' look around the market, her gaze fixing to the door each time the little rusted brown bell at the top of the doorframe jingles.

It'd be so embarrassing if she mixed up the time.

Not that this isn't humiliating enough already. Pathetic, even. No one in their right mind drives thirty minutes from home to look this hard, and for this long at an avocado.

On about the fifth bell ring in three minutes she can feel herself getting impatient. Today was Monday, Ellie was sure of that - the farmers from downtown had surely brought freshly picked batches of fruit and vegetables already unless something had gone awry. Maybe she should just head home and stop acting like a fucking crazy person. It's not like the average person keeps on schedule to a T every week. And even if they did, it's worrying that Ellie even knows that schedule. At least this part of it anyway.

Ellie juggles with the thought for a moment but ultimately decides to leave, placing the unfortunate-looking avocado back in its crate. It's just then when that annoying little bell dings again. She knows she shouldn't get her hopes up and yet she can't seem to help herself, looking toward the farmers market entrance to discern who it was that triggered the movement of the brass bell.

The thought that she was just about to leave makes Ellie's stomach turn. She'd have missed you completely. But just like clockwork, every Monday morning, you're here. And just like clockwork, every Monday morning, she gets to see you.

Ellie has given herself every excuse as to why her little habit isn't creepy. She's just trying to hype herself up to actually talk to you, and somehow during that time she also managed to figure out the exact schedule for when fresh produce is brought to this specific market so that she could catch you every Monday doing what you usually do. Buying strawberries.

You like those a lot.

Or, Ellie assumes you do. Why else would you buy them so religiously? Every Monday you come to buy strawberries. Various other things as well but she's noticed you take your time with the berries in particular - inspecting the fruit in each little green basket for at least a few minutes before finding one or two little baskets to buy and take home with you.

Ellie's practiced how to approach you in the mirror in her apartment before leaving the house more times than she'd like to admit, cringing at every little stutter and awkward phrase.

"You come here often?" No. Who the fuck even says that in real life? "So you like strawberries?" Well, duh.

It looks so simple in shows. Her friends make it look like nothing. Then there's Ellie. Reciting cliche lines from movies.

Not that any of that really matters though. Normally by the time you've gone up to check out your items, Ellie has already managed to convince herself that she lost her chance.

Maybe next time

Next time, for sure. But definitely not this time, no. This time she's too distracted by how delicious you look; the sway of your hips, the pretty smile you flash to the staff, the glittery pink tinted gloss spread carefully across your lips.

Your nails are red today, coming to a rounded point.

Ellie's tongue darts out to wet her bottom lip as her mind wanders. Those nails would make such pretty streaks in her back.

For some reason, the thought that she may be shamelessly staring at you doesn't cross her mind. Until it's too late that is. Ellie's eyes widen in absolute terror when your gaze catches hers, face dropping back to the crate of avocados she'd been pretending to look through a moment ago.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

She definitely can't approach you today. Not after you'd caught her staring - no - gawking at you so blatantly. In fact, getting out of this godforsaken market has shot to the very top of her priority list, a task she seeks to accomplish quickly, with her head downcast in shame and embarrassment.

It's just her luck that instead of effectively making it out of the door she stumbles over the dragging, unraveled white laces of the run-down sneakers on her feet, toppling to the floor if not for the similarly misfortuned person she winds up tackling.

"Shit! Sorry, sorry, I-I'm so sorry" she stutters out, cringing at the sight of once unbruised red fruit hitting the hard tile of the market floor. Her eyes meet yours and again she's frozen and embarrassed, a deep shade of red splaying her freckled cheeks and tips of her ears. You would be angry if it weren't for how cute she looked. You sigh.

"It's fine, really. Just...make sure you look forward next time you're walking, okay?" The soft, reassuring smile you offer her as you speak damn near melts her where she stands.

"Right."

There's a beat of awkward silence, Ellie nervousely tugging at her ring and pinky fingers as she gives you a small hesitant nod. "I should-"

"Maybe you could help me pick out some new ones?" You ask quickly, interrupting her, gesturing to the strawberry littered tile.

It's the first time she's spoken to you and given her clear anxiety, she likely wouldn't end up speaking to you on her own again. Ellie nods quickly, mouth slightly agape, though at this point she's lost all of her words. She simply picks up the dropped berries, some of which are now a little flattened and soft on one side from the impact, standing straight once they're all gathered to help you get new baskets.

"You okay?" You ask, as Ellie hasn't said much of anything in the past few minutes.

"Oh, yeah...sorry just...a lot on my mind" she murmurs, quieting back down again as she attentively unpacks your produce.

She doesn't even know how she wriggled her way into this situation. She'd thought for sure you'd call her a freak or a psycho when you let her know you were aware of her little routine. Instead, you just suggested that she help you with the rest of your groceries.

"It's a bit of a hassle trying to bring them up to my apartment alone. Plus...you kinda owe me for the tackle, yeah?"

You had feared the boldness of your invitation may give her pause but Ellie agreed without reluctance.

"A lot on your mind? Like what?"

"Like...how you don't seem unnerved about...y'know." Ellie murmurs, leaning up against your kitchen counter, the little giggle you give in response sending her heart rate up.

"I was honestly just waiting to see if you would actually come speak to me"

"Wait, really?"

You turn to her from where you were organizing things in your fridge, a small bowl of freshly washed strawberries in hand. You set it down, gently sliding the bowl out toward Ellie as an invitation to take one, which she accepts, twisting at the leaves until they come off of the top before biting into it. It's quite large, and very sweet she notices, a bit of juice dribbling down her chin as her teeth sink in, her hand clumsily going to guard any more from falling down.

"Yeah." you answer, to which Ellie raises a questioning eyebrow.

"You're cute, Ellie." you clarify, playfully rolling your eyes at her obliviousness. " And messy"

Before she realizes it, you're in front of her, holding a napkin to her now berry juice-stained chin and neck, readying yourself to pat her dry. Your lips are incredibly close, dangerously so, but she does her best to ignore it, popping the rest of strawberry into her mouth before gently taking your hand in hers to stop you.

"I can- "

"Just let me, okay?" You chuckle a bit, shaking your head. "You really don't know when a girl is trying to flirt with you, huh?"

Ellie blinks, staring at you as if you've just said something ridiculous, her fruit filled cheek almost making her look like a chipmunk in the moment. The insistence on cleaning her up, the invitation to your apartment in the first place, the fact that you don't even seem to question her infatuation with you. It all makes sense now. And she'd taken way too long to notice.

There isn't a thought process behind Ellie's actions this time, just impulse as she leans forward, closing the distance between you both and crashing her lips onto yours. A shiver of shock runs through her as you reciprocate, regardless of how unideal the kiss may seem - cold, sticky fruit juice now being shared between the both of you, creating a thin coat of strawberry and saliva on your connected lips flowing down your chins and slowly making its way to the collars of your shirts.

Ellie pulls back enough to actually swallow what's left of the strawberry and breathe out a quick "I'm sorry", though a part of her is too fascinated by the look of you with transparent red fluid trailing along your skin to be genuinely apologetic.

"I don't mind a little mess." You whisper in response, swiping your thumb along her chin to collect some of the juic. Something about the girl being so desperate to kiss you that she was unconcerned about the inevitable messy nature of said kiss put butterflies fluttering in your stomach. You keep her pressed up against your kitchen counter as you allow yourself to give in to your desires, only dethatching your kiss-swollen lips from Ellie's to press opened mouth kisses along the column of her throat, licking at the sweet red liquid that's almost managed to make its way into the loose, black wifepleaser she's wearing.

"Y-you don't think this is happening too fast?" she questions, despite her clear willingness to let you do as you please, her words coming out between heavy breaths, her entire face painted a rosy shade of pink.

"Would you like me to stop?" You ask, eyebrow quirked upward as you halt your advances and look at her.

Ellie shakes her head immediately at that, tightening her grip around your waist. She can't help but think that was an idiotic question for her to ask anyways. This is finally her chance, and she refuses to fuck up by overthinking everything as she has been up until this point. Your lips connect again with no second guesses this time, Ellie taking her opportunity to slip her hands underneath your top, pulling it over your head. Her mouth takes to your skin, sloppily lapping at the strawberry juice flowing along your neck and pulling your bra straps down enough to expose your breasts.

"Fuck, Ellie"

You slip your leg between her thighs while she's occupied with "cleaning you up" with her tongue, reveling at the way she whimpers and attempts to resist the urge to roll her hips when your knee makes contact with her clothed cunt. Her attempts prove futile, of course, the poor girl huffing and moaning against your skin as she grinds herself against your leg.

"So fuckin' needy, weren't you?" You tease, unable to help the amused laugh that escapes you at the sight of the girl humping desperately at your knee.

All Ellie manages in response is a nod, whining even louder when you press against her harder, the seam of her shorts pushing up against her clit at the right angle, her movements becoming faster and more erratic.

"G'na make me cu- fuck fuck" Ellie's muscles tense for a moment before releasing again, short, ragged breaths and muffled grunts punctuating her last few thrusts against your leg as she finishes in her boxers. Embarrassed, she buries her face into the crook of your neck, her already blushed face becoming redder at her unintended quickness.

"Shit...sorry" She murmurs against your skin, not sure if she should even look you in the eye right now.

You stifle a giggle and shake your head, running your fingers through her soft, auburn hair as a means to reassure her before lacing your fingers with hers. With your free hand, you lift her chin so that she looks at you.

"It's okay. Doesn't mean I'm finished with you."

The softness of your tone seems to soothe her, though the bashfulness still lingers on her features, green eyes casting downward regardless of your words. You press a quick kiss to the tip of her nose, and, fingers still intertwined, lightly tug her away from the kitchen counter on her wobbly legs over to the loveseat in your living room.

You lightly jerk your head in the direction of the sofa, letting go of her hand once she's seated. "Lay down for me baby"

Ellie, in all of her eagerness doesn't so much as hesitate, laying back onto the soft cushions, reaching out as if to pull you down with her. Instead of straddling her like she'd wanted you to though, you stay standing, a mischvieous giggle escaping as you lean down to kiss her on the lips once more before pulling back.

"What's wrong?" She asks, her brows furrowed in confusion.

"Nothing El. Just relax, yeah?" You murmur in response, hands now focused on slipping off your shorts. That's answer enough for her, Ellie's eyes widening a little bit as they fixate on watching your lower body, her tongue darting out to wet her lips as you pull off your shorts and panties in one go. You were soaked, and you make sure to let her know it, teasingly trailing a finger through your folds before pressing it to her lips, Ellie gladly sucking the digit into her mouth without instruction.

"Aw, look at that, I didn't even have to ask"

Ellie just nods, pink lips still caught around your finger. She's well aware of how pathetic she looks right now, but she can't bring herself to care at this point as she's too busy savoring the taste of you on her tongue, eyes damn near rolling to the back of her head off that alone. When you take your finger out of her mouth she whines.

"Wanna taste you more... please"

Her pleading pulls a chuckle from your throat, your finger gently running across her bottom lip as you speak.

"God, you're so impatient, baby. Does my sweet girl want my pussy in her mouth, hm?"

She nods vigorously, grabbing at your hand again to pull you toward her. This time, you oblige, allowing the girl to guide you to sit on her face, her slender hands catching around your hips. She licks a bold stripe along your slit before pressing a kiss to your clit, the amount of times she's thought about doing that exact thing noe finally coming into practice.

Ellie eats at you like a woman starved, lapping up every drop of your arousal, her lips latching around your swollen clit and sucking at it. The sloppy, wet noises coming from her mouth on your cunt, the muffled moaning and whining escaping her - it's obnoxious. But it's the sexiest thing you've seen ina while, her gaze never leaving you as she buries herself closer to you. "This what you wanted, isn't it baby? Spent so much time watching me 'n all you could think about - fuck - was having that pretty mouth pressed up against my cunt like this?"

Your teasing is condescening, your hand tangling into her short locks, forcing her head nice and close as you rut yourself against her tongue. The poor thing can't stop herself from squirming, pressing her thighs together, and for a moment, even detatching a hand from your thigh and snaking it down her own body to slip her hand into her shorts. You don't notice it at first, but when you do, it's clear to her you aren't having it.

"Nuh-uh, none of that, pretty girl." You lift up into a hover above her head, reaching back and wrapping your hand around her wrist to stop her. She whines again, her frustration obvious in the line that forms between her brows. "You wanna ask this time?"

"S-sorry, you're just so fucking sexy, I need you to touch me, please"

You have half a mind to make her wait longer. To pin her hands over her head and prop yourself back onto her mouth, but an idea comes to mind that you can't just ignore. You giggle, giving her a simple 'okay' and before she knows it you've shifted on top of her, settling yourself into a hover over her face again, but this time facing the opposite direction. She can't see what your doing, but she feels it when you start sliding her shorts and boxers down before leaning down and spitting on her already glistening cunt.

"Oh my fucking god..."

Ellie's thighs are shaking around your head already, her hands gripping at the fat of your ass as she pulls you back down onto her mouth. Your muffled cries of pleasure fill the apartment, the vibrations from her moans against you only serving to drive you insane. A thin layer of sweat coats your bodies as you chase a simultaneous orgasm, hips bucking and rolling against each others tongues with primal urgency as that familiar coil tightens within your lower stomachs.

"Fuckfuckfuck- coming, I'm coming" Ellie's mouth detatches from you as she's the first to go, her trembling legs clamping around your head and trapping you against her. She's shockingly quick to replace her mouth with her fingers, slipping them inside of you without warning. She's almost as despereate to have you cum on her face as she was to cum herself, and to her luck, you unravel above her soon after. Her mouth comes back to you are you finish, lapping up every single drop of cum you give her, fingers still lazily pumping in and out of your dripping hole.

It takes a bit to float back down to reality, your head resting limp on her thigh as you slowly start to catch your breath, twitching and shaking too much to actually move on your own. Ellie's not much better, her head plopped down onto the couch cushion, gently kneading your ass with her hands and pressing sleepy kisses to your inner thighs. When you're finally able to move, it's not much, only adjusting yourself enough so that your faces are level, nuzzling your body close so that you can both lay next to each other on the couch. There's a peacful silence between the both of you for a while, your foggy brains still processing how far you'd gotten with one another in the span of a few hours.

"So...you really like me then? Like actually?" Ellie breathes out, a hand lightly rubbing along your side.

You laugh and give her a playful punch to the arm, the fact that she even felt the need to ask that almost comical to you after everything.

"Ow! What was that for?" She asks, feigning as if the light hit actually hurt.

"Of course I like you, dummy" You murmur, kissing her cheek. "I've liked you the whole time"

Reblogs are appreciated ☆ tags: @half-of-a-gay, @porcelainmystery,

[mondaymelon]

— 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗽𝗮𝗽𝗲𝗿 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁. ♥

໒꒱ || :feat~ xiao, kazuha, wanderer x gn!reader:

⤷ in which you find their unsent love letter.

໒꒱ || ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ (open!) : @manager-of-the-pudding-bank, @iamdedinside, @ilyuu, @achlysis, @swivy123

"To the resident of..."

XIAO's letter was something you hadn't meant to see - but it was so innocently set on one of the dining tables on the inn balcony that you couldn't resist the urge to take one peek.

There you find two shocking discoveries.

One, this letter is written from Xiao. Seemingly unsent, but that doesn't exactly matter... until you read the name of whom it's addressed to.

Two, it's for you.

Well, he's just about played into your curiosity, hasn't he? Perhaps the clever adeptus set this entire ploy up, and he's waiting in the shadows for the moment you retrieve the letter to reprimand you for your mortal foolishness... you dismiss the thought. The idea of someone as aloof as him attempting such a thing is truly a ridiculous notion. Instead, your eyes scan over the carefully written lines, noting the crumpled edges of the paper... as well as the countless other balled up sheets that lay pitifully in the waste bin nearby.

Has he been trying to write something to you so important, that he would go to such lengths? There was only one way to find out.

The letter starts out unsurprisingly straightforward.

"You make me feel something.

An emotion that can't quite be described... but it's comforting. Reassuring, even... being with you. I've consulted an acquaintance of mine. They told me that I was in 'love' with you.

So I suppose this is a confession, if you must look at it that way.

I love you."

"You..." The voice of someone behind you causes you to flinch as you whirl around tentatively, crumpled paper still in hand. It's slight, but you see it - how Xiao's eyes widen at the sight of the letter in your hands, before he returns to his composed facade almost instantaneously. "Foolish mortal, what are you..."

"Xiao." You say his name, a phrase that seems to lilt off your tongue. His gaze softens as his lips press into a thin line.

"You've caught me. What now?" His voice is filled with exasperation, but the undeniable red on his cheeks says otherwise.

"I love you too."

And there you are, you've made him speechless. He stands there, half-frozen as if he's afraid to move - whether towards you or away. Something in his mind seems to click as his golden eyes melt, and his face is set aflame once more.

"You should've minded your own business... but I can't complain." ♥

"To my dear companion..."

KAZUHA's letter begins softly, discreetly. You find it in his private quarters, where it lies on his desk, its neatly lettered words illuminated by a nearby lantern's warm glow. While you merely had stopped by to investigate if he was present, something about the pristinely written sheet of paper draws you in closer. It sits below an orderly envelope, as if the sender had meant to place it inside, but decided against it in a moment of hesitation.

And perhaps that was what had happened... except, the Kaedehara Kazuha you knew was certainly not a man of cowardice.

While it's difficult to resist the urge to read a line or two, it's even more so when you see that your very name is written at the top of the letter.

A letter addressed to you.

"It's rather odd to put it in words, the emotion that seems to well up when you appear. It's warm, rampant, something that cannot be subdued.

Here is when I'd like to say 'I took my time to evaluate my feelings,' but the truth is, I truly hadn't.

At that point, my heart had already decided.

Dearest, I love you."

There's a sound that seems to dissipate the daze. The noise of something dropping to the floor, and then someone's shallowed breath. "...What... are you doing here?" Kazuha's carmine eyes are wide as they meet yours, and his foot moves as if to back away. You can see the exact moment where his brain registers the letter in your hands - how his shocked expression morphs into a mortified one. "Ah, did you...? Well... I suppose there's no hiding it now..." He lets out a quiet chuckle, one void of amusement.

He doesn't need to finish his sentence to let you know what he's referring to. Instead, you give him a smile, throwing your arms around him before he can retreat out of the room. "I love you too."

And with those four words, you have him anchored once more, lips trembling with each breath he draws in.

"Then, won't you kiss me?" ♥

"I can't believe I'm writing this, but..."

WANDERER's letter seems to stand out as you sort through the mess of papers that crowd your desk - or rather, the desk the two of you share. It's nothing special, at first glance, just a pale blue envelope encasing what seems to be just a regular old piece of mail, but something about it seems magnifying. Gravitating... and before you know it, it's settled in your hands, half opened.

No going back now.

You're sure the male will scold you once he arrives home - and then proceed to scowl at you from afar for the next few days... yet the risk seems to fade as your curiosity overtakes you. The male had always insisted that he 'needed no one' and was adamant on not acquainting himself with those 'foolish scholars', so who could this letter be from? That, or who could he be sending it to?

It certainly hadn't crossed your mind that it would be for you, but it's funny, almost, how his writing sounds so much like him.

"I'm sure you are aware that I am not one to withhold my words.

Or perhaps that my tongue is sharp. Either way, you've been on the receiving end of both.

You know me well, which is rather irritating, so I'll make this brief.

I'm in 'love' with you, as they say.

(How annoying is that?)"

Those words shock you so severely that you don't even register the sound of the front door closing, or the swift footsteps of a certain male - not until a hand lands on your shoulder. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Ah- when did you... get back??" You try to hide the letter behind your back, but once again, your efforts prove fruitless as he quickly snatches the envelope out of your hands, eyes scanning the words until a sudden realization seems to dawn on him.

His cheeks flush red as he hisses, "Just when did you..." Now he's the one that's rendered speechless.

You decide that now would be a good time to explain yourself. "I was curious, and..." The words hesitate on your lips, but they exit nonetheless. "I love you too."

It's miraculous how fast his scowl vanishes, and how it's instead replaced with a gaze brimming with tentative affection. He hovers where he's standing for a moment, seemingly not sure what to do, before he slowly wraps his arm around you.

"You don't know how happy you've just made me." ♥

(a/n) quick note that i'll be offline for a lil bit as im going to be attending academic camp! i'll post a prewritten fic sometime in that 7 day period :) i'll see you!

[autumnmobile12]

My Hero Academia: Ambush Simulation AU - Provisional License Exam

Touya finding out Shouto failed the provisional license exam, something he himself had to pass in order to participate in UA's ambush simulation for legal reasons.

Touya: Weren't you going to do some celebrating thing for Shouto passing the exam?

Fuyumi: He didn’t pass.

Touya: *snorts tea through his nose* He fucking what now?

Fuyumi: Touya!

Touya: *coughing/visibly struggling not to laugh* How bad was it?

Fuyumi: *also trying not to laugh but only laughing because he's laughing* This isn’t funny. Stop laughing.

Touya: *cry laughing, high-pitched voice* I’m sorry he didn’t pass, that really sucks. I just wish I could have seen the look on Dad’s face. Did he turn purple?

Fuyumi: No, but he did go into the garden to shoot off 'fireworks.'

Touya: Is that what woke me up?

...

Fuyumi: *on phone with Shouto later* Anyway, that's the story of why Touya is now eating your victory cake. I'll send you the 'sorry, you tried' cupcakes later.

Shouto: That's fine. Thank you anyway.

Fuyumi: Yeah, weird thing is it's red velvet and Touya can't stand red velvet, so this is some diabolical pettiness. *covers phone to yell* Do you have to be such a child? You're gonna make yourself sick and I'm not cleaning it up!

Touya: *distant maniacal cackling*

...

Touya: *on phone with Shouto later* So I just wanted to ask what the hell happened. Aside from Fuyumi ordering both a 'congrats' cake and 'sorry, you tried' cupcakes and totally jinxing it for you.

Shouto: I...kinda ended up fighting with a student from another school.

Touya: ...we're speaking the same language, and yet I still feel like I mistranslated something. You wanna run that by me again?

Shouto: I got into a fight with another student, lost points, and fell below the passing score. ......... Yeah, I can still hear you laughing, Touya.

Touya: *struggling* Okay, so what have we learned?

Shouto: *sighs* Don't get into fights while taking career-important exams.

Touya: Precisely. Only my exact phrasing would have been, 'Don't be a jackass.' Did you win?

Shouto: No, Midoriya split us up before it got too serious.

Touya: What, and you didn't challenge the guy to settle the matter in the parking lot afterward? Who was he anyway? Was it a he? She? Them?

Shouto: He was someone from Shiketsu.

Touya: ...and you didn't start a rumble in the parking lot? Some friends you have.

Shouto: Mr. Aizawa would have stopped us.

Touya: And there's twenty of you and one of him, what's your point?

...

So anyway, even in this AU, Touya is still a brat living in the madness of his own mind. And after the whole incident on top of Machia, that seems pretty on brand for him.

[lovings4turn]

જ⁀➴  𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐅𝐎𝐎𝐋  . . .  (𝐆. 𝐑.)

— two things are definite: you like george, and george likes you. unfortunately, you two seem to be the only ones who don't see it.

+ part of my 'be my valentine' mixtape series ! love this song and i was so excited to use it for a george fic, so i hope you enjoy <3

“oh mate, you’re joking.”

“shut up!” george huffed, running the palm of his hand down his face in exasperation. “it was not that bad.”

he could defend himself all he liked, because in spite of that, george knew it really was.

this was possibly the third time this month that george had fumbled his chance to ask you out, and alex was beginning to grow tired of his friend’s constant pining and lingering stares. 

“here’s what you’re gonna do,” alex said, his voice growing more serious as he looked george dead in the eyes. “you’re gonna ring y/n, and you’re gonna tell her you forgot something at her place. a shirt, socks, anything.”

"but i haven't?"

"not the point," alex groaned. "you're gonna tell her that, so you have an excuse to turn up there. this is your chance. don't be a stupid. tell her you think she's cool, that you like her, something to charm her."

george still wasn't convinced. his brows were pinched together as he ran over alex's plan in his mind, able to find a thousand different ways it could go wrong for him.

"right. and what happens when she realises that i haven't actually left anything there, and i just look like a massive twat for showing up?"

alex wasn't sure that he could take any more.

"mate, you can't just sit around and wait for some sort of fairy tale ending to come out of nowhere for you. at some point, you're just going to have to confess to her."

though he was being assertive, alex was still trying to be supportive, laying a hand on george's shoulder and delivering a friendly pat of encouragement.

"i can promise you she's probably thinking the exact same thing right now, anyways."

george scoffed, his answer hanging in the air unspoken. as if.

unbeknownst to george, alex was a lot closer to the truth than even he may have realised.

the events of the afternoon were playing on a loop in your mind as you tried to dissect every last piece of your interaction with george, from how he'd greeted you - a brief side hug and a smile - to how he'd said goodbye - a weak effort to get you to stay and a silly, yet endearing, wave.

was this your life now? driving yourself mad over even the smallest little details, all because of some stupid feelings?

when you'd first started developing somewhat of a crush on the mercedes driver, you made a promise to yourself that it would never become a thing. and you had kept that promise for roughly four months, until you made a huge error: revealing your feelings to someone else.

ever since you had let it slip to a friend that you actually quite liked george in ways that far surpassed the platonic label, you'd been - for lack of a better phrase - absolutely fucked.

now you had people to fuel your delusions, try to convince you that george had to feel the same way, and no, of course he wasn't just being polite when he offered you his jacket, you fool. outside interference and reassurance should have made you more confident in your feelings, maybe even push you to confess, but instead they'd had the opposite effect.

the weight of the word 'hopeless' in hopeless romantic had really started to resonate with you. though you weren't allowed to dwell on your misfortunes for too long.

some may have chalked it up to fate, some may have attributed it to a divine power wanting to laugh at a poor mortal, but whatever the reason, your phone rang with an incoming call from george.

the stupid candid photo you’d taken as a contact picture flashed up on your screen, and the automatic smile that painted your lips made you want to yell in frustration.

"y/n, hi!"

pathetic was the perfect word to describe you, thanks to how utterly gone you were for george, as the mere sound of your name leaving his lips was enough to make your heart jump.

"sorry, know i only saw you a few hours ago, but i just remembered that i think i left one of my mercedes shirts at yours when i was there the other day."

you didn't even think twice about it, why would you? george had left countless items at your place in the past, and he would leave more in the future.

"no problem. y'can always come by and get it, i'll try and grab it for you."

george's chest ached at how ready to help you were.

"yeah? you're a lifesaver, y/n, really. i'll set off now, should be there in about fifteen minutes."

brief 'see you later's were exchanged, and the moment you set your phone down onto the coffee table, your hunt began.

you didn't recall seeing one of george's shirts anywhere around, but previous mishaps had enlightened you to the fact that things could turn up anywhere. you'd thought that the shoes buried right underneath your bed were odd, until a sock turned up in your bread bin a few weeks later.

nothing was off limits anymore.

yet, somehow, no matter where you looked, you couldn't find the fucking shirt. frustration slowly nibbled at your mind, the sound of a knock being the only thing to break you from your frantic search.

an annoyingly attractive george russell greeted you when you swung open the front door.

in all of the years he'd known you, george thought this was the most adorable you'd looked.

your hair was in disarray, the strands unkempt as though you'd been running your hands through it over and over again. your face shone a little, and you were clearly a little out of breath, if the small, panting gasps you took were anything to go by.

your apartment was a mess, and george quickly realised that you'd turned your entire place practically upside down to try and find a shirt that wasn't even there in the first place.

guilt began to bubble up in his throat, and george hoped that, after today, it would all be worth it. he only had one chance, and he wasn't going to fuck it up.

before he could allow doubt to creep into his mind and sow seeds of regret, george lifted a hand to cup your jaw. the feeling of your soft skin against his palm elicited a gasp to slip from his mouth. the parting of his lips provided you with the perfect opportunity to meld your lips together in a chaste, sweet kiss.

feelings went unspoken, for now. time would grant you the chance to properly word every last affection you harboured for one another at a later date.

besides, george was a firm believer that actions spoke louder than words, and this kiss was living proof.

george forced himself to pull back, his forehead resting against your own, and he believed that to die like this would be a blessed fate. because you were definitely going to kill him when you found out the truth.

"i lied, by the way. there was no shirt," he mumbled, blue eyes meeting yours with a wince.

"you fucking dick."

[genderqueerdykes]

I don't want to come off as entitled by asking this, but I see you dress more 'feminine' and still ID as butch. I was wondering what the identity means to you as someone who doesn't look like how a butch "should" look? What is the connection there? I hope this doesn't come off as rude, I'm just trying to keep myself from being closeminded in any way and am interested in experiences of others.

i don't really see this as rude! i get a lot of asks where people say both "butches should be able to wear dresses and skirts" and "butches can only dress and look certain ways". there seems to be a lot of contention and gatekeeping over what a butch person should look like, not saying this is what you are doing- i see it constantly in the wild

it's okay to ask these kinds of things because i think a lot of people are confused about the origins of the term butch. butch just means queer masculinity- a queer masculine person can look, act, and dress like anything. there is no set dress code or look for a butch person. i have a phrase which i repeat in these scenarios: the butch is in the person, not the presentation. i see a lot of butches ache and long to wear dresses and other "femme" clothing all the time

i have a complex relationship with both femininity and masculinity due to being intersex. also, i have been living with being called a butch dyke derogatorily my entire life- it's something that's highly close to me. some may postulate that the term "bear" would fit me better, and i have used it in the past, but i'm not sure that one's quite right either. i honestly don't really know if i fit into the femme-butch binary.

due to having DID, some days i feel butch, and other days i feel femme. i am not an unshakeable person, and i have been wondering if the term femme would suit me better these days, given the direction i've pivoted in on the whole. it's a tough thing- queer masculinity to me involves being feminine. it seems confusing, but queer masculinity does not always have to be super macho. a masculine person can display queer masculinity by being feminine, too. the way someone dresses shouldn't have an impact on how they feel on the inside

it's an interesting thing to think about for sure! you caught me right at a time where i have been questioning this, myself. this exact question dawned on me just a few days ago. i was a lot more butch in the past, but i've gravitated toward a more femme experience in recent years. i don't know if i'll ever truly abandon the term butch. it's something i've been getting called my entire life. and i don't think dressing in a feminine way makes someone not butch, but i will say this is something i have been questioning lately!

the thing is, with queer identities, questioning and figuring out what really applies to you takes time. you may find a term and go "oh that's me!" right away, only to discover later on down the road that may not be correct. just because i was hyper masculine in the past doesn't mean i can't be hyper feminine now, you know? things change and shift. maybe at one point I had more butch alters than i do now- change is inevitable in a plural person, and it's hard for us to quantify how many of us are butch vs. how many of us are femme

considering i was already questioning this, this has given me more to think about, for sure. i think it's important to ask these kinds of questions because it may jar you into considering things you haven't before. while butches can present any way they want to, i have been feeling way more femme lately. perhaps i'm a butch who dresses femme, or maybe i've grown in ways where i've discovered that identity doesn't suit me as well as i thought it did. maybe things just changed. so thank you, i'm going to continue considering if that's the direction i'm more headed in lately. :)

[andhumanslovedstories]

any advice for nursing students/new nurses?

When you buy a stethoscope, get it engraved with your name, I literally cannot tell you how much that has saved my ass. All stethoscopes look the exact same, even if you think you got a unique looking one, and they're super easy to lose, and they're a hundred plus bucks. engraved!!

There's literally so many acronyms, and everyone assumes the acronyms they know are universal, and no one is correct. Get comfortable with the phrase "remind me what [x] stands for" when someone rattles off a string of letters you don't recognize. (sometimes the person talking to you doesn't know either! whoops!!)

Ask questions all the time actually. This is the ideal time to do so and everyone will be scared if you don't.

For straight cathing patients, you can usually get a lidocaine gel that numbs the urethra, which helps with discomfort. Also for straight cathing patients, if they have a vagina, make sure you visualize the urethra before you start the whole process. You don't want to have to find it later when you're sterile and can't touch anything.

If you've never used a bed pan, it is surprisingly much harder than you would expect. familiarize yourself with them before you have to place one for the first time.

At the end of every shift, find one thing you can point at that you did and were proud of. You can be proud of helping a patient get up and walk. You can be proud that your patient's pain never got above a 4. You can be proud that you helped out another nurse's patients while they were dealing with an admit. You can be proud that you didn't get visibly mad at a patient who was screaming at you. You can be proud that you got to the end of the shift and everyone is alive. You can be proud that you realized you were in over your head and called for help. Find something each shift to be proud of, and the corollary to that is behave in ways that make it easier to be proud of yourself when you look back at the way you spent your shift

get good shoes.

prioritize sleep.

meal prep

pick a few things about yourself that are harmless, not at all intimate small talk. I also have a few fun facts about myself that I love to talk about but don't overstep any boundaries (stuff like that I'm from Virginia, that I'm part of float pool so I can tell you how this room compares to others in the hospital, I have dyed hair and people love talking about that). Draw boundaries to be personable but not inappropriate. Genuinely, practice small talk. You have small talk when things are going fine so you can have Big Talk when someone's breaking down crying or starts screaming in the hallway or wants to leave against medical advice or is furious that their visitors are gonna get searched on the way in. Build rapport before you need rapport.

Sort of similar to the last one, I try to care very deeply about my patients on shift and then forget about them when I go home. I debrief with my mom or Cyrus or my journal, and then I take a shower. The shower is my mental reset time. I tuck my nursona away and emerge as just some dipshit in a towel. Find whatever ritual helps you end your shift.

there are many ways to be a good nurse. sometimes you need a hardass. sometimes you need a cheerleader. sometimes you need a goofball. sometimes you need someone who doesn't chit chat but will always get your teeth brushed, your hands washed, and your hair braided before breakfast can even get to the floor, no matter how shortstaffed the floor is. sometimes you need someone who will talk to you at three in the morning about what the dying process is like. it is impossible to be all things to all patients. as a new nurse, you start by focusing on basic minimal competency, but pay attention to what parts of the job energize you, what parts come easy to you, and lean into those. get competent at the things you are bad at, get passionate about the things you are good at, and you'll have a better chance of building a nursing practice that you can keep up with the shit times start.

the shit times can start anytime but oooh boy do they tend to arrive at your six month mark.

[lostuntothisworld]

Spaghetti theory time:

The "Luka lying to Ladybug about her secret identity after he was so fired up in Truth only to lie to her in Wishmaker" salt has died down for the most part, but I would like to bring it back up.

I'm gonna do you all a favor and copypasta the transcript below, because I know nobody is going to rewatch the episode.

Marinette: I'm sorry about earlier. There were mosquitoes on the boat, I thought we needed some insect repellent but the drug store was closed so I had to- Luka: Shh, listen, the song of the water. If you listen carefully at this very spot under the bridge, you'll hear a melody. (They listen to the river and smile at each other.) You know, I never knew my father and my mom would never bring herself to tell me. So when I just couldn't deal with it all, I would take refuge here and the melody of the water would console me. What about you, Marinette? Where do you go when you disappear? Marinette: Uh- Luka: You tell me, I'll accept it. If you're still in love with Adrien, I'll understand. I won't be jealous you know. Marinette: That's not it, not at all. Luka: Whatever it is, I just want it to be the honest truth. Marinette: The truth, Luka… is the only thing I can't tell you.

Then we get shocked Luka. He get's akumatized/amokized, and the scene continues:

Shadow Moth: Truth, I am Shadow Moth. I'm giving you the power to force people to tell you their most sacred secrets. Luka: (struggling against it) Truth needs to be shared, not taken by force, Shadow Moth! Marinette: (shocked what he just said) Uh! Shadow Moth? No! Luka, please resist, I am so sorry! Shadow Moth: Why should you resist when she doesn't trust you? Luka: Marinette does trust me! Marinette: I do! Of course I do! Shadow Moth: If she trusted you, then she would tell you the truth! (Upon hearing this, Luka becomes shocked, so he kneels.) Accept my power and you will know everything. And all I ask of you in return is to expose Ladybug and Cat Noir's little secrets. Luka: (succumbing) Run, Marinette! 

...

Luka does NOT want to force the truth out of Marinette. He tells her to run! And it's very much implied it triggered a traumatic past when his mother wouldn't tell him who his father was. What if his mom used the exact phrasing of "The truth is the one thing I can't tell you," when things got bad? If there's one thing Miraculous is good at is shocking the audience with traumatic backstories. I have my own theories as to what Luka and Juleka's traumatic backstories are... And are we really going to victim blame Luka for not being able to resist, especially when resisting Gabemoth and breaking akumatization was not actually known to be something that can be done at this point? Onto Wishmaker:

Lots of people are upset that Luka lied to Marinette at the end of Wishmaker with regards to hers and Chat's secret identities. They want Marinette to be angry with him, and for Luka to face consequences. Lying is supposed to be bad, isn't it? And Luka got akumatized into a villain who was dead set on finding the Truth, and he just lied to her about it. Inexcusable! Which is a valid interpretation if you take it at face value.

Now let's fast forward to Migration, and a little theory I've had since the episode aired: Secret identities and masks are a metaphor for being queer. Let me explain the metaphor in more detail: by rewinding back to Wishmaker and the metaphor presented to us then.

In Wishmaker, child Alec was bullied for his big hair, which he was very proud of. So he shaved it all off to fit in with what society wanted him to be. His akumatized form had a bald cap, and in the end Alec decides to "live his truth," (Astruc's words not mine), and essentially wear a big wig and become a drag queen. Iconic.

Oh yeah, and his nightmare in the season 5 finale was his father shaving off his hair.

Gonna have to link this shitpost here, just for an interesting comparison.

(It's interesting to note that both Griffe Noire and alternate Adrien have partially shaved heads, and should be included closer to the bald end of the chart in the shitpost)

Anyway, it's a bit of an unwritten rule that you don't out another person, even if you know they are queer. You have to wait for them to come to you with this reveal. It's sensitive information, and could potentially be extremely dangerous for the person being outed. A similar parallel to being a superhero with a secret identity.

Using this logic, it's not surprising the animators made Chat surprised when Luka detransformed in front of him in Ephemeral even tho he had a front row seat to Luka in Miracle Queen.

Onto the next scene of interest:

Marinette: If I tell you, things will never be the same between us again. (shakes her head) It'll mess up everything, maybe even destroy it. Alya:(voice breaking) Marinette, I'm your very best friend. Marinette: And I… I'm Ladybug.

I was actually shocked with this scene back the first time I watched it. Yes, the reveal, but also how everything in it is presented. To the dialogue, to Marinette's reasonings and how it'll mess up everything between the girls, and how everything will change and be destroyed, to Alya's oddly somber reaction to finding out her favorite superhero is her best friend, and then the subsequent hug.

It's framed as a coming out scene.

So let's circle back to Luka lying to Ladybug back in Wishmaker, and keeping that secret until Migration. His choices there make a whole lot more sense with a queer lens.

Don't believe me? Remember, Migration (the episode where Luka's lies and secrets are brought to light), is the episode that Luka shoves Adrien in a closet and he falls out of the closet as Chat Noir.

Those bedroom eyes at Luka sure do make a whole lot more sense here.

[bakedbakermom]

okay @deathsbestgirl asked so here is my little essay on why folie a deux is THE quintessential x-files episode. the distillation of everything that made it great.

so. first of all. imho, the best episodes/monsters are the ones who draw from a genuine human fear, turning our small private anxieties into full-blown paranormal horror. who among us hasn't felt like our job was sucking the life out of us, our boss was a monster, and every day in the office you inch closer and closer to being a zombie? in folie, it's TRUE. imagine the terror of seeing your coworkers reduced to walking corpses, no one believing you, knowing your turn is coming. the skittering noises creeping closer and closer. you, helpless at your desk. (also the late-stage capitalism certainty that somehow your corpse will be forced to work even after you're dead.)

then we get profiler!mulder, gently mocking himself ("monsters? i'm your boy") - showing off his brilliant mind as he dissects lambert's manifesto, empathizing with him to protect the hostages even as he endangers himself. he goes even further after lambert dies, despite (or perhaps because of) the fact that he was written off as a madman, putting together the pieces that no one else even cared enough to look for. this is mulder at his CORE. the man who believes, who wants to believe, who doesn't let the label of "crazy" stop him from opening the box to see what's inside and decide for himself, who puts justice and truth above reputation and even personal safety. no one takes him seriously, he knows EXACTLY how it feels to be labelled and dismissed, and that makes it all the more important to find the answers.

meanwhile scully is doing the exact same thing, but in her particular flavor. digging through the files to find the phrases that rang out in the manifesto. protecting mulder during the hostage situation by sending in disguised SWAT cameramen (because she remembers duane barry Very Well, and if she can't be in his ear this time, she'll send in someone else to be her eyes). she doesn't want to do the autopsy, she doesn't want to see; but she is so curious and so unself-consciously committed to understanding the world through the lens of science that once she starts to see the pieces, she cannot not start putting them together. THAT is scully at HER core. she also covers for mulder when he goes off on his own, because while she may not believe him or stand behind his methods, she knows he only does this because his heart is in the right place. and if there's one thing she has to protect, its his heart.

then. oh. then. we get the msr-iest line to ever msr. one in five billion. if ever there was a beating heart to the x-files, it is that. i trust you, you trust me, and when we trust in each other god himself cannot stand against. in an episode about not knowing if what you're seeing is what is true, the way they SEE each other, understand each other in this scene is almost painfully poignant.

(i hope when pincus looks back at the time he was nearly caught, he recognizes the poetry inherent in stumbling across the only two coworkers he could never divide.)

finally, the ending. what always makes this show work, to me, is the way mulder and scully come together, bringing their disparate viewpoints and opposing investigation methods and ultimately synthesizing one truth, one solution that saves the day. seeing things the way the other sees, so both can understand. here, it is literal. scully comes to it from her own direction, finding the science to support mulder's theories, and that is what allows her to see the truth of what he sees. (field trip does something similar, but that time it goes both ways, buuuuut that is also an essay of its own.)

so, yeah, what makes this episode x-files condensed into its purest form: our characters charactering perfectly, a premise that is both grounded and terrifying, the idea that it is only ever the two of them who could figure this shit out because they're so perfectly matched.

even the phrase folie a deux IS the x-files. that basement office is a bedlam, population: 2. a madness only two can ever hope to share.

[iouinotes]

You're my dream | Alex Walter

pairing: Alex Walter x female!reader

genre: fluff word count: 3,4k

show: My life with the Walter boys

summary: Alex thinks you prefer Cole over him. You show him that he is the most important person in your life.

a/n: @bbr0wni3 and I had the same idea for a story, so I hope you like the final result :) and sorry for gatekeeping sooo long

Alex had been quiet for the entire walk home. It felt like the school day had passed painfully slow, without his sympathy, his jokes, or his comments in math class. I've tried to find out the reason for his silence, but each time I asked about it, he changed the topic and I was left clueless.

Of course, I thought about what could bother him so much, but none of my suggestions were that convincing. Maybe it was his bad history essay? Or did he have had another fight with Cole? Was it about Paige? She had become his black shadow over the last year and if I'm being honest, I never really liked her. I mean, as Alex's best friend, I have little say in his dating life, even though my opinion is important to him.

Because when Alex falls in love, no one can stop him. It happens quickly and is usually associated with a lot of pain afterwards.

But if I remember things correct, Alex has been acting a bit strange for a while now. I mean, I tried to get to the bottom of his sudden mood-changes, but understanding Alex's mind has never been an easy task.

Good thing for me, I've never liked things too easy. Then again, bad thing for me, that I'm in love with my best friend.

I didn´t notice it at first and I can't pinpoint the exact moment, when my feelings for him meant more than just friendship.

Alex has always been a special person in my life, someone I could open my heart to and who would never hurt me. Apparently, I opened the doors to my heart a little too wide for him, because on one warm spring day, when I couldn't stop looking at his smiling face, my feelings for him became very clear to me. I literally hung on every word he said and I didn't even know at that point, that you could see a light in his eyes, when he talked about something he liked, that shone as beautiful as the rays of the sun.

And then, without even paying attention to what he was saying anymore (I think it was something about a new video game, he was playing), I quickly wrote down a few phrases in my notebook. that came to my mind. Unfortunately, I probably acted a little bit too hectic, because he stopped talking mid-sentence, irritated but curious.

"What are you doing?" I heard him ask, a smile on his lips. He leaned towards me and before I could hide it, he read the words out loud.

"Looking at you is like having the sun right in front of me.

I´m blinded by your beauty."

I thought my heart would give out at that moment, but he just grinned at me with twinkling eyes and asked who these two poetic sentences were addressed to. I said back then that it was about a character from a movie, because he wouldn't have bought anything else. After all, he had known me for so long that he knew about every crush I ever had, so choosing a boy from school would have been out of question.

But he never found out that my inspiration was actually him.

However, when I clear my thoughts and turn to look at him now, a visible frown is attached all over his beautiful features. I decide to put my arm around his arm, the typical pose for a married couple, so he isn´t able to get away from me and I can convince him to hang out. With the aim that I can lighten up his sadness.

Unfortunately now, much to my discomfort, he's looking at me with raised eyebrows, which is why I finally bring up the sensitive topic.

"So, something is clearly bothering you and I will take it as my duty to change your miserable mood. Don´t protest, because we are going to my place and I will take care of you with lots of ice cream. How does that sound?" I see a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, he signs but then quietly nods. And when we arrive at my house, luckily my parents are still at work, I turn the key and let us in. He takes off his jacket, my eyes secretly wander to him and I notice, while my heart is pounding, that he wears my favorite sweater. A white one with a blue hood.

He fixes his hair, that always need to look perfect and I smile lightly, because I love every time that I can get on his nerves, when I ruffle through it. He throws himself on the sofa and while I turn on the heater and go into the kitchen to get the ice cream, he has already made himself comfortable with a blanket. When I see him hugging a pillow, still scowl on his face, I sit myself right next to him. But as he keeps his attention at the black TV, I notice his exhausted figure and decide to speak up.

"Alex, come on. Talk to me, something is obviously going on. I don´t like it, when you are sad. Plus, I really miss your smile." My hand rests on his shoulder, lightly stroking the hair on the back of his neck, because I know he has a weakness for physical touch. When I see him struggling to keep up his act, I approach him and whisper "you can tell me anything, you know that right? I would never judge you."

Again, he signs loudly, but finally looks at me. His eyes are searching for mine and now that his attention is focused completely on me, I suddenly feel uneasy.

"D-did I do something?" My nerves are getting thinner by the second. I hate to upset him. Probably because I love seeing him happy so much.

"No, it´s-" his hand brushes over his face. "It is complicated." I'm still trying to understand, why he can't tell me what's going on.

"You didn´t do something illegal, didn´t you? I mean, I would still be your best friend, but I would have to make up a story, why I'm visiting you in prison-" at that, he quietly laughs and shakes his head.

"It´s legal, even though I feel like it shouldnt be." Now I'm curious and scared at the same time.

"Please, tell me. I´m dying to know." I try to put on my best puppy dog look, even though it probably looks pretty stupid.

A few seconds later, he slowly raises his hand and places it on my cheek, gently stroking my skin, while still holding the eye contact. His gesture leaves me speechless. I mean we cuddled every now and then during a movie or I've fallen asleep on him. I've also kissed him on the cheek once while doing a chore, but otherwise we always kept a decent distance. The fact that he's coming so close to me now is catching me off guard.

"You...you would tell me if you like someone, right?" His question surprises me.

"Yeah, of course. You now, that I can barely keep something from you. You always know what I get you for your birthday, because I can´t resist, when you keep asking me about it." His hand slowly sneaks into mine. My eyes wander to our laps. I feel myself getting more and more confused.

"Alex, what´s going on? I don´t hide anything from? Do you think otherwise?" I feel a pang in my heart as I look into his eyes.

"I heard a rumor" he begins to say and I draw my eyebrows together at his words. He never considers any rumors, because most of the time they are false anyway.

"And?" I want him to continue.

"It was about you and-" hopefully not about the fact that I'm in love with you, just let it stay my secret.

"-Cole." What?

"What?" He signs, looking away from me.

"Someone said, he heard you talking about how in love you were with him or something. That you prefer him over me." He averts his eyes so he's no longer looking at me. I almost laugh at this ridiculous statement.

"Do you really believe that? That I would prefer Cole over you? My funny and kind, but sometimes very very stupid best friend? You really think, I hang out with you in every free second, that I have, because I like your brother? Who is by the way, not even close on my list of people I would visit in prison." I'm glad he didn't do anything illegal and it's just about a stupid rumor. But now, I still have to convince him, that it is in fact just a rumor.

He is quiet for a moment, but when he speaks up, I almost laugh at his question.

"Where am I on your list?" His eyes look into mine and now I'm the one taking his hands.

"Alex" I start to speak in a gentle voice "you will always be my number one, you hear me? I don´t think, I like another person in this world or in this universe as much as I like you. Sometimes, it feels like you are literally the reason, that the earth revolves. Because for me, my world revolves around you. I enjoy every second, I spent with you and I would never, ever trade this for even a minute with Cole. Okay? Never. I promise."

I finally see his shoulders relax and a genuine smile that spreads across his face. When I nudge him on the shoulder, he laughs.

"You, big dummy. I thought, you would tell me, you robbed a bank or something."

"Oh, I would never dare. You would kick my ass." We smile at each other in silence.

But I still want to know, how it comes, that he would believe something so ridiculous.

"So, why did you think, I would prefer Cole over you?" It hurts a little to think, that he believes he´s not that important for me.

"Because" he begins to say, gesturing with his hands "the Cole effect exits and all that. Every girl falls for his charm or whatever. I can´t compete with him." Something I will never understand. How he always makes himself look bad in comparison to his older brother.

"Well, for the matter, you affect me with your smart and kind soul. And I think my heart could bear it a lot better, if you would not look like a dream come true."

He's silent for a moment and I begin to panic, when he suddenly looks at me with a nervous expression.

"Can I- I mean, I think I´m going to say something really concerning. And it will affect our friendship, like a lot. So, just let me say it." Since that means, that he wants to talk about something important, I stay quiet. Nevertheless, still holding his hand for support.

He exhales heavily, but then looks directly at me. "I know you for as long as I can remember, you were by my site since the second I walked on this earth. You know, quite literally, because we were in the same kindergarden group. You were my first friend and I remember so many moments, that will forever exist in my memory. And...in my heart. Because you seem to have a say in what my heart wants and it feels like it wants you, for some time now. I know you are my best friend, but I cant imagine someone else being so connected in my life. In everything I do, everything I am. You support my decisions, even if you don´t like them. When you force me to watch rom-coms with you and the characters talk about finding their soulmate, doing all these cheesy things, I realize I want that too. With you. Since watching the Notebook three weeks ago, I wake up every day and wish that you would lay next to me. So, I could-"

He leans forward and with a shy smile, that makes my heart burst with happiness, he kisses me. It´s a feeling, I never want to miss again.

"-kiss you. It would be the first thing I would do in the morning."

He tucks a strand of hair behind my ears.

"I would-" his hands move to my waist and pull me onto his lap. "-make you sit right here and whisper all the things I adore about you. Like-" he kisses my forehead, I feel his lips across my face. I close my eyes and enjoy being so close to him. He leans further towards me, his lips brush over my neck and leaves a kiss there.

He mutters a few words, that I -much to my dislike- can´t understand. But I´m too caught up in his embrace to ask about it.

But then, he seems to get more confident and when he speaks again, I almost tear up.

"I love you. As my best friend, my heart, my love, my person. If you let me. I'll be yours, if you want to be mine."

I kiss him again, letting the tears flow, because I don´t know what else I could do to show my happiness. When we break apart, I look at him. A lovesick feeling inside my chest.

We're holding each other in our arms, but just a few seconds pass until his curiosity wins and he turns to me.

"That quote, that you wrote a few weeks ago, about someone being like the sun for you. Who was it about? Because you did not, just for once, talked about a fictional character. I would remember." Okay, I didn't expect that.

His beautiful eyes continue to look at me, encouraging me to come out with the truth. I nervously smile, tracing the lines in his hand.

"As you said, you ever looked at someone and just thought: This is my person? Someone, you want to have in your life, no matter, if it´s just a friend, a boyfriend or maybe even a best friend." I look at him, searching in his eyes, that he knows how I feel. Then I continue.

"Someone who makes you smile just by existing. Or someone who has a shitty humor, but he delivers his jokes so perfect, it makes you laugh anyway. Someone, who holds my heart and my mind in his hands, even if he doesnt know it."

"What´s he like?" His eyes are curious, but to my surprise, he seems irritated by the thought, that I could be in love with someone. Someone, who isnt him. You big, big, idiot.

"He's kind, has a fascination for fantasy books and for riding horses, playing baseball or fighting creatures in video games. He doesn't know, why I have a soft spot for sweet, gentle and caring characters, even though he is my inspiration for writing them."

His lips part in surprise.

"He's my everything. Sometimes it makes me sad, because I can´t love someone else, the same way. But then, I look at him and I feel like, why do I even want to love someone else, when he exits." I pause for a moment.

"When you exist."

My words make him speechless, but he continues to hold me close to his heart.

"For a long time, I didnt even know I had feelings for you too, Alex. You were always like a second home for me.

You are someone I trust the most and who I rely on in any kind of situation. You make me laugh and you´re always there for me. At first, I didnt notice my change of feelings. Because you kept being my safe place, but as I grew up, I realized that nothing mattered the way, you matter to me.

Sometimes, when I look at you, it feels like I have met my other soul or that maybe, we share the same. Nothing in this world is as important to me than you or your feelings. Maybe it wasnt clear enough for you to see, but I am in love with you.

Your existence in this world is so special and like nothing else, I could ever dream of. Because you are my dream, the most-dearest one."

[babyboywinchester]

Nvm I didn't know you were gonna refer me to one of the most vile bullies in fandom. I also can't believe what terminally online speak I'm hearing. Queerbaiting, really? He does something fans enjoy and continues doing it, I don't see the harm. As for his personal sexuality, that is private and clearly isn't so black and white when you look at what he's said. I don't understand the nitpicking. I agree re the Js though. I'm just genuinely bummed by how antagonistic fandom gets

@nancylou444 has never been vile or a bully to me and anything I’ve seen of hers has been defending other wincest shippers or going toe to toe with terminally brain dead destihellers. Lmao… terminally online? I’m a working and married mother of two. I can assure you I’m not “terminally online”. That’s the EXACT phrase he and the hellers have used when referring to how Destiel has got such a shit go of things so why are you attacking me over a phrase such as that when I am just using literally the same term these blowhards use?

Listen, dude, if you don’t like what I post or who I associate with or the opinions I have then go somewhere else… I don’t know what else to tell you.

He made his sexuality a topic of public discussion when he PUBLICLY insinuated he was bi, had to PUBLICLY retract said statement, and then had to PUBLICLY come out as straight. So, do not get onto me about it being a “private” matter… he did it in the public sphere and therefore it is open to ridicule. If you don’t want those things talked about then you… don’t talk about them. Funny how that works…

Everyone is capable of making mistakes, doing bad things, and growing. Misha has shown, to me, no growth and continually doubles down on his questionable and creepy behavior. He does charity? Cool good for him. Neat. He campaigns for Ukraine? Also a great cause. He still makes overtly sexual comments about his costars about a fetishized gay ship that Jensen himself has repeatedly said he finds no basis for and then gets attacked when he points out that it’s not canon, not how he played the character, and it’s not how the character was written. I do not like Misha. I find his pandering, entitlement, “look at me I do good things I’m a good guy” attitude to be abhorrent and distasteful.

I also do not like how vile fandom can get, but luckily I’m a wincestie and a lover of both brothers with a Sam leaning attitude… so, I’m surrounded by great mutuals and like minded people who I’ve went out of my way to cultivate an online experience with and so generally my online experience has been very positive.

I suggest you do the same and maybe not come to my blog, especially not on anon if you’re not going to have the courage to face me, if I am not your cup of tea. No one is forcing you to view my opinions and content. You alone have the power to curate your own online experience. If you want to come off anon and talk so be it, but the next ask sent on anon will just be deleted because I’m not going to continue you this conversation especially if you’re accusing me of being “terminally online” for using a well-used phrase outside of online life… like seriously grow up.

Have a wonderful day. Godspeed.

[doumadono]

EMERGENCY REQUEST

Hi, A while ago I used to have a very bad mental health condition, I can't say for sure what I had(i have an idea but i cannot Say they exact things), because even today I haven't gone to a psychologist to get a diagnosis about my mental health, I wanted to send this to see if you could make a request with Izuku and Kacchan with their childhood friend (Kacchan platonic and with Izuku non-platonic if it's not too much trouble) And one day they find out by accident that she went through a mild eating disorder, self-harm, social anxiety, family problems and a toxic need to be a perfect student (They find out about this already in the first year of the UA, this happened to her in the first year of middle school)I would like to read this because when I was in 7th grade I had all this on my shoulders, I felt like garbage and my family never helped, they only made things worse...Reading it would be like being able to feel that comfort that to this day I have not been able to have because although I would like to be able to talk about it with someone, I am unable to open up, I avoid those topics as much as I can.

Thank you so much! And sorry if I haven't explained myself well.

A/N: I'm really sorry to hear that you've been going through such a challenging time with your mental health. It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge your struggles, and I truly admire your willingness to share this. When you're ready, seeking support from a psychologist or therapist can be immensely helpful

EMERGENCY REQS MASTERLIST

Izuku and Katsuki walked back to the UA dormitory, their footsteps echoing in the quiet evening. The day had been filled with training and lectures, and now, as they strolled under the dimming sky, they found themselves in a contemplative mood.

Katsuki glanced over at Izuku and noticed the pensive look on his friend's face. "What's eatin' at ya, Deku?" he asked in his typical gruff manner.

Izuku hesitated for a moment, choosing his words carefully. "Kacchan, you know our childhood friend Y/N, right?"

Katsuki's eyebrows furrowed as he thought about it. "Yeah, vaguely. What's she got to do with anything?"

Izuku took a deep breath, trying to find the right way to phrase what was on his mind. "I overheard something today, something about her," he began. "It sounds like she's been through some really tough stuff, especially during her first year of middle school. Eating disorder, self-harm, social anxiety, family problems, and a toxic need to be a perfect student."

Katsuki's expression hardened, his usual tough exterior showing cracks as concern flickered in his eyes. "That's messed up, nerd."

As they approached the dormitory, they heard voices coming from the teacher's lounge, where Aizawa and Nezu were deep in conversation. The name 'Y/N' drifted into their ears, and they couldn't help but listen.

"I think we should keep an eye on Y/N," Aizawa said. "She's clearly been through a lot, and I don't want her to feel isolated or overwhelmed here at UA."

Nezu nodded in agreement. "You're right. We should find a way to support her without making her feel exposed or uncomfortable."

Katsuki clenched his fists, anger simmering beneath the surface. "I'll just go talk to her and kick all these stupid ideas off her head."

Izuku, on the other hand, was quick to respond, albeit more gently. "Kacchan, but we need to be careful. Y/N has been through a lot, and pushing her too hard could do more harm than good. We should approach this delicately."

Katsuki scowled but was willing to listen. "Okay, fine, Deku. What's your brilliant idea then?"

"I think we should let Y/N know that we're there for her, no matter what. Encourage her to talk to us when she's ready? We can offer her our support and friendship without forcing her to reveal everything all at once."

Katsuki huffed in annoyance, but he couldn't deny that Izuku's suggestion made sense. "Fine, fine, we'll do it your way then, nerd."

Later that evening, Izuku and Katsuki found themselves in a common livingroom, still contemplating how to approach the delicate situation with Y/N. Izuku sat on a couch, thoughtful, while Katsuki paced around, clearly agitated, trying to finish his English homework. "You really think this is the right way, Deku? I can't freaking focus because of that goddamn girl. Why do girls always have to be so complicated? " Katsuki asked, his frustration evident.

"I do, Kacchan. Y/N's been through a lot. She needs to know we're here for her, and when she's ready, she'll come to either of us."

Katsuki paused, his fiery demanour momentarily waning. He knew that Izuku was right; a more gentle approach was necessary. He sat down on the floor, scowling as he admitted, "Fine."

Izuku smiled, relieved that Katsuki had agreed. "Great, Kacchan."

Bakugo, catching a glimpse from the corner of his eye, noticed Mina, Kaminari, and Tsuyu observing him and Deku. Irritated, he turned to them and bellowed, "What the hell are you staring at, extras!?" His fiery personality showing no mercy, even to his friends.

The next day, they put their plan into action.

You were in the common room, looking somewhat distant as you read a book.

Izuku approached you cautiously, determined to make you feel comfortable. Kacchan watched him from a distance, pretending to be engrossed in preparing a dinner.

"Hey, Y/N," Izuku began with a warm smile, "How's your day been?"

You looked up, surprised by the sudden attention. You hesitated for a moment but then replied, "Oh, it's been okay, I guess?"

Katsuki chimed in, trying to keep his tone softer than usual. "You don't need to hide stuff, you know. We're your friends, and we're here for you."

Your eyes widened slightly, and you swallowed hard. You weren't used to opening up about your struggles, but the genuine concern made you feel a little safer. "But I'm not hiding anything…" you protested.

Bakugo grumbled from a distance. "Tsch! For crying out loud, it's obvious you're not alright, nerd. Quit with the act, you're a terrible actress, Y/N, damn it!"

Izuku continued, "I… We know that life can be tough. You don't have to go through it alone. When you're ready to talk, we'll be here to listen, without any judgment, okay?"

Katsuki nodded, showing an uncharacteristic patience. "Yeah."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you felt the sincerity of their words. You had been carrying your burdens in silence for so long, and the idea of sharing them with friends was both scary and comforting. "Thank you, boys," you whispered, your voice quivering. "I appreciate your support."

Izuku reached out and placed a hand on your shoulder, offering a reassuring squeeze. "You're welcome, Y/N. We care about you, and we want to help in any way we can."

Katsuki grumbled, but there was a softness in his gaze as he added, "And if anyone gives you trouble, they'll have to deal with me."

Tears welled up in your eyes, and without warning, you leaned into Izuku's comforting arms.

Izuku was a little taken aback by your sudden move, but he didn't push you away. Instead, he embraced you gently, his hand softly petting your Y/H/C hair.

As you nestled in his embrace, you finally opened up about how awful you were feeling. Your voice quivered as you spoke. "I don't know what to do… I just… I feel so lost and overwhelmed. It's like I'm drowning in my own thoughts and fears, and I can't escape."

Izuku held you a little tighter, his own heart aching for you. "I'm here for you, Y/N. You're not alone in this. We'll find a way through it, together, I promise."

You continued, your voice breaking, "I've been trying to be strong for so long, but I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. It's like I'm carrying the weight of the world, and it's crushing me."

"You don't have to carry it all by yourself. You have friends who care about you, who want to help. We'll lighten that burden, step by step. You're not alone, Y/N."

You clung to him, your sobs slowly subsiding as his comforting presence gave you solace. It was the first step in a journey of healing and support. With tears still glistening in your eyes, you raised your head and looked up at Izuku. Leaning in, you placed a tender kiss on his cheek. "Thank you for all of your support, Deku," you whispered, your gratitude evident in your eyes.

As you expressed your gratitude to both of your friends, Izuku felt his cheeks flush with a deep shade of crimson. His heart began to race, pounding in his chest like a drumbeat. The genuine warmth of the unexpected kiss on his cheek left him feeling both flustered and deeply touched. Unbeknownst to you, Izuku had been harboring a significant crush on you.

But before you could say more, a loud voice echoed across the room. Bakugo's angry shout filled the space, "Hey, I'm goddamn here as well, fucking nerd!"

You turned towards Katsuki, a grateful smile forming on your lips. "Thank you too, Kacchan," you said, addressing him. "I appreciate both of you more than I can express."

[luna-loveboop]

Wild's apology

Since I really love proper apologies and taking account for actions, I MUST rant about Wild's apology because there are so many details making it... good. Just good.

First panel face, he looks uncertain. Hyrule said the little guy wanted to talk to him, but he doesn't know if it's only one little guy

We have the best opening line we all love, hoping he can imitate Zelda's diplomacy. Wild did not- his apologizing varied wildly from Zelda's, and I think that's a really good thing

His Zelda's diplomacy is a royal style, seen in totk memories. When diplomatic, she uses formal words and straight posture, with her hands at her side or clasped in front. She doesn't need to say it's formal, since that's assumed. Wild did not imitate her exact style, but he kept the end goal of peace.

This whole first panel with him showing such tension, hoping with all his might it goes well, resolving to act the best he can to fix it... yes

There's something really telling about Wild's face walking in. He looks angry. With everything we've seen of his actions after twilight was injured, it's clear by now that when Wild's scared, it comes out as anger. All the previous yelling was because he was scared.

Since Wild's face looks angry walking in, after deciding to imitate diplomacy? I think he was terrified.

One thing I love watching in people is how much the smallest body parts can show their thoughts. Hands can tell a lot about how someone's feeling. When Wild starts talking to Four, his hands show he's being open.

Arms down at his side, palms up and hand reaching out. That hand and arm position shows vulnerability- he's literally opening his body to be open in his words and feelings.

And he's says "I know why you wanted to see me", which, well

lol

Still, he came in immediately speaking to work to patch things up. The words "I'm ashamed"... admitting you're wrong is hard. Even harder is discussing the feelings that come with it.

Moving on, Wild's moving ahead to apologizing.

Wild is not royalty, and neither is four. Truly imitating Zelda's diplomacy with royal posture and attitude would have been weird. What they are is warriors, comrades who win battles together. And four works with the captain, who certainly sets an example of military respect. This is where him not exactly imitating Zelda's diplomacy is better, since he is not a princess.

He's a soldier in this moment. We don't know how much he remembers of his initial knighthood, but his soldier diplomacy kicked in here. He's basically standing at attention in the side view. Four is much shorter than him, but his straight posture and forward facing head (not looking down) shows absolute respect regardless of height. He outright states it's a formal apology.

Awesome. It's not polished or perfect, there was a pause before the rather awkwardly phrased statement about initiating. But awkwardness makes it real. His face still looks fairly angry here! I still interpret it as fear.

His hands are straight at his side, then formally on his chest. He can't be the perfect knight anymore- instead he's awkward and unpolished. But he's doing diplomacy the best he knows how, even if four absolutely did not care about a formal tone.

Moving on! Four's listening.

Wild loosens up here. There's only so long our wild child can be formal, so he's not unnaturally pausing and trying to phrase things formally anymore

Hand placement: the hand behind the head is the Link pose we all know, where apparently it's a part of the hero's spirit when feeling awkward.

His hand goes from behind his head to held up in the air when saying "look, I'm sorry for shoving ya" I honestly like to think of this as pulling the apology from behind his head lol. Thinking for words "now where did I put that apology?" Finds it and holds it up "look! I'm sorry. It was just in the back of my mind."

His hand then goes down to his side, and he's open again. Palm out, he's putting him out there.

His word choice matters. "ya"

"Honestly, that warranted an all out brawl" ... good. He's saying his actions were wrong- that he deserved anger towards him. Saying "all out brawl" validates fours actions. It warranted an all out brawl... that says that to wild, what four did was ok. All of it sucked, but it's ok.

My favourite line. "Thanks for going easy on me." It's important in so many ways for humility, showing respect, and how four could have done more, blah blah blah anyways I like it because I can imagine he says that and then the purple part of four just grins like "yeah I totally could have beat you up glad we're clear on that". I mean Four has done nothing but manically cackle when someone mentions his secret, so I think he probably had a devilish grin inside when Wild said thanks for going easy on me.

It's an apology and it's awkward! Awkward pauses, awkward faces. Hand behind the head, "ya". It was awkward. He kept going, showed sincerity. He struggled ahead, forging his way through (no pun intended), because it. Matters. To. Him. Being a person who can take responsibility is great and he cares about it. But the real reason is because four matters to him, and they have come so far. The amount of care it takes to just keep going until it's resolved shows a gold heart.

There's one of my favourite parallels between this update and a previous one in his explanation after apology. In his explanations... his face is the same.

And this gets me so much. Look at this guy and his past. He was a perfect silent knight. Losing his cool or expressing emotion or fears was not even an option. And now he can mess up- which is terrifying. But look at how vulnerable his face is, how much he's allowing himself to feel in order to properly express his want to fix things.

And then he offers four his hand. If offering someone your hand and taking it isn't the sincerest form of love... this is so sweet. His face is so open, really wanting to (re)connect with four.

They shake hands and the apologies are over, they move on to shiny metal. "Oh."

And overall this is incredible. People can admit they're wrong and apologize, anyone can say words. But to have facial expressions, posture all the way to hands, and connotations of words all showing honest sincerity is far more than most can ever hope for.

There's my favourite parallel in the progression in this update, the two times they took hands.

The first time is Wild offering his hand after apologizing, and this is where we get the last remnants of a formal soldier apology. Standing straight, arms straight towards each other.

Later on they take hands again, this time as friends connecting beyond making up.

...

Making mistakes and hurting people doesn't make someone unlovable. Working to fix your mistakes makes someone lovely.

[jacky-rubou]

Planning to write an essay on the limited Ford and Mabel bonding in the show and well, I thought of approaching you if you have any pointers. Especially dispelling any misconceptions by the fandom whether Ford overlooked Mabel or the bond she shared with her brother.

I think the main misconception I see is that Ford didn't care about Mabel at all in comparison to Dipper. Or, in some ridiculously extreme cases, that he hates her.

People forget that Mabel was the first twin he interacted with, and it was largely positive. Ford laughed and said he liked her when she stated that his six fingered handshake was one finger friendlier than normal.

The Last Mabelcorn being the episode where Ford interacted with Mabel the most gives a big insight into how he feels about her. First, he agreed with Mabel when she stated she was probably the most pure of heart in the room (i forget the exact phrasing but same difference). He trusted her with the unicorn mission, even knowing that the unicorns were difficult. And last of all, he directly tells her that she is a good person without even knowing the struggle she went through with her morality moments prior.

Dipper and Mabel vs The Future is contentious in this regard, fans often using it as proof that Ford doesn't care about Mabel just because he asked Dipper to stay in Gravity Falls. But honestly, Ford cared enough to observe Mabel's social skills with the pizza delivery guy, plus probably witnessing plenty of instances of Mabel handling herself without Dipper's help. He genuinely believed that Mabel could handle being without her brother outside of the summers.

Plus, it isn't like Mabel was forthright about her feelings about leaving Gravity Falls and growing up until she blew up at the end of the episode. Obviously there are things to be said about Ford taking Dipper on as an apprenticeship being a good or a bad idea depending on who you ask, but Ford didn't know how badly Mabel would take it. He thought he was doing Dipper a favor by giving him a head start on his studies and, as I previously mentioned, that Mabel would be fine at home. That the two could reach a compromise if needed.

Ford isn't perfect though, he does tend to project himself onto Dipper after finding out how similar he thinks he is to him. That might've affected how often he spends with either twin or how he saw their bond, but to say that he doesn't care about Mabel at all is simply misguided. He cares about them both so much. His traumatic experience with his own twin just tainted how he saw the twins' bond being something that could be potentially suffocating. He does sorta have a point though, Dipper and Mabel can't force each other to stay glued at the hip forever or it could potentially stifle their individual dreams if handled badly. But that's just my 'controversial' opinion right there i guess, so take it with a grain of salt if you wish.

And besides, if we were gonna get upset at Ford for favoring Dipper over Mabel, you might as well also get upset at Stan for favoring Mabel over Dipper in some honestly worse ways than Ford ever did to Mabel. Stan literally projected his father's abusive ways onto Dipper and justified being hard on him with 'toughening him up'. Not to mention how he made Dipper the butt of his jokes so often it drove Dipper to seek out time with Ford over him because Ford never made fun of him like that. Obviously Stan does care about Dipper too, but the double standards in this fandom when it comes to how the grunkles treat the twins is honestly flabbergasting. Neither grunkle is perfect in how they handle the twins, neither are 'better' in their methods, and I think that's the point.

it doesn't help that Ford doesn't get a lot of screentime compared to Stan, as i'm sure you're already aware.

anyway, if you have any more questions, feel free to let me know. hope this was a good insight into all this Ford and Mabel business.

[something-tofightfor]

A PSA:

This wasn’t a post that I ever thought I’d make on here, but it’s something that I’m choosing to do because I want to be transparent about it - and about myself. 

It was brought to my attention that there are people that used the information they knew about me gained through a private space to seek out my twitter account. They then used the discovery of my twitter to search for a slew of very specific words and phrases in order to drag up things that I may or may not have said throughout the years in order to use what they found against me and to paint me as a variety of things that I am not. Unfortunately, there were tweets that they did find. I’m not proud of the way I spoke and behaved online in my early 20’s. I said hurtful things, and portrayed myself - via these words - as something that I am completely ashamed of now. Of course, looking back, it’s easy to say “I definitely shouldn’t have said these things” - but that’s the truth. I shouldn’t have, and I regret that these things exist under my name, even if only via screenshot in present day.

I’m including some of the examples beneath the cut, because I don’t want to trigger anyone without their consent. But in the spirit of being open about the things I said in the past, I think it’s important to admit to them as an example of the way people can and do change their behaviors over time - and in recognition that these tweets do not reflect me as a person - or my feelings and opinions - any longer. (TW: the following images contain text that includes instances of racism and homophobia).

These tweets as well as others in the same vein I have been able to find have been deleted from my profile - which should have been done sooner - because they are horrifying to me as I look back on them. In reality, they never should have been tweeted in the first place. Many of them, I don’t remember tweeting, but that doesn’t excuse my past behavior - or negate the fact that they were up in the first place. These are not a reflection of me, today, as a person, and if I met younger Rachael, I would call her out on her shit immediately.

But as you can see, the dates show you that the majority are from well over decade ago - and in the time since, I’ve reevaluated a ton of things including the way that I speak, the things that I say, and the phrasing that I choose to use. Using terms like “gay” or “lesbian” in the manner that I used to is unacceptable. Bringing up race or ethnicity as a generalization for a group is also unacceptable. I have no ill will toward people based on their sexual orientation, race, gender etc.

I will also say that - because it is public information - I am a registered Republican voter (as I was encouraged to sign up that way when I turned 18) and have voted for occasional Republican candidates in recent local elections, but have not voted for a Republican presidential candidate since Mitt Romney in 2012. Many of my family members are Republicans as well, and before I really had a chance to be out on my own after college, I unfortnately echoed a lot of their sentiments about R vs D when it came to politics in my late teens and early 20's. I had a lot of issues with Obama's presidency, but NONE of them were based on his skin color. That tweet above absolutely fills me with shame even 13 years later, and I can't put into words how uncomfortable it makes me to know that at some point, I actually typed those words out and then POSTED them, because present-day me cannot reconcile with feeling that way and expressing that type of sentiment.

There is certain context, also, to the 'thanks for not being gay' tweets that wasn't shared - and while it doesn't excuse them, the phrase was used between the friend whose name is blocked and I due to the exact thing being said to HER by a coworker, and both of us thinking it was an absurd thing to thank someone for. And Spangler Park was a running joke in the city that I used to live in, due to the fact that the weekly police blotter was filled with reports of gay men using it as a meeting place for public sexual acts.

Trying to explain myself isn't a valid defense to much of the content here, but it's also important to remember that context matters in many cases - like with the Daniel Tosh (who is a comedian) reply, that was clearly in response to something he said on his own account, but what that was is unknown to me 13 years later since it wasn't a quote tweet.

I am constantly trying to hold myself just as accountable as I hold others in my life for the things they say, do, and believe. I would not tweet or say any of these things today. I do not believe any of these things today. I have grown and learned a lot in the last decade plus, and I hope that that is reflected in my current behavior and with the people and causes I support. I am not the same person at 37 that I was at 22-23 - very few people are.

I will end this with a sincere apology to anyone that I may have hurt with these messages and my behavior - both now and in the past. I regret saying these things. I regret the fact that for a period of time, I "spoke" with very little thought about the impact of my words, or how wrong these things were to say. I have tried to - and hopefully accomplished - make changes in my life throughout the years, and continue to do so every day. 

It's impossible to make meaningful changes overnight, but I hope that you believe me when I say that over the course of the last decade, I have changed a great deal about myself and my behavior, and work hard to keep learning as the world around me changes, too.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. My inbox and DMs are open for questions and conversation, if you have anything to say. If this is where you choose to part ways with me, I wholeheartedly understand that, too, and wish you the best. An additional reply to an ask I received

[touchoffleece]

In Hindsight with the Ame retirement/special "graduation" announcement

The wording Ame chose for Pearl's final dialogue with Gigi/Gonathan makes much more sense. I can't recall the exact wording, but it was something along the lines of: "We are together again, but we must part ways going forward" -Pearl/Amelia Watson "We may not be together in the coming future, but for now can enjoy our reunion" -Gonathan ( even watching this live it confused me at it sounding as much as a goodbye as a reunion, but now I realize that it was Gigi ooc phrasing a goodbye to Pearl/Ame without spilling the beans since we know they get Graduation notices earlier than us the general public and viewers do) I was apprehensive of seeing Gonathan and Pearl together again in Ch 2 because of how demanding viewers can be of romantic pairings in roleplay settings, but this in hindsight is such a monkey's paw curling moment. On a more personal rambling note. I consider Gigi an Oshi of mine, and I know she is an old fan of Hololive possibly even pre Myth days (saw someone mention she applied multiple times even far back that it could have included Myth era resumes) so that Gigi got the chance to have such an opportunity to communicate with Ame on the big exclusive EN collab before the announcement was made makes me happy for her. On another hand I wish Shiori got the chance to collab with Ame some more since they both were of the same creative cloth, but both being shy I cherish the squid game interactions and memes we got. But all that put on the side: Thank you Ame, and good luck in your future endeavors. 💛

I couldn't find a shorter clip, but @ 23:30 the exchange I was referencing above

addendum: I realized this might sound like a reach about the double meaning of the exchange, but for further context on how much of a head noticed the talents knew of this retirement/graduation, Kiara mentioned she organized the 1 Block challenge for Myth and wanted all these Myth projects because by that point in the year (early into 2024) they knew of Ame's intentions to retire/graduate. That confirms Justice must have known the same info as the rest of the talents going into the ENReco project. addendum 2: I added some misc info on the timeline of things based of info that came out of the Ame talk stream showing that yes Gigi must have known Ame was Graduating by the time ENReco Finally happened effecting that final interaction between Pearl and Gonathan.