#i cannot FIND IT and ...HHHH

[peribirb]

you ever catch feelings for somebody but you've spent your entire life convinced/convincing yourself that you're fundamentally unattractive and broken in a way that makes you unlovable and unsuited to any sort of relationship, and so instead of just enjoying that extra dopamine burst of seeing them around you just make yourself feel miserable for even daring to feel that way in the first place? or is that just me?

[piningprecussionist]

(Not an rp ask)

What is your opinion on chau x kim? I'm not a shipper of it myself but I heard it was a proship since knives is 17 but also I saw she was 18 in the comic so I'm not sure where to stand on it honestly. But I'd like to hear your opinion about it !! Sorry if this is a bit of a random ask (ーー;

You're completely fine!! Do not even worry about it.

So, yeah- When Scott first meets Knives, and I'm not entirely sure how much time passes between then and when they start dating, it was *literally* her seventeenth birthday, as I am reminding myself reading back over these panels presently. And then at the start of book six, the first time we see (real, non-dream,) Knives, she has apparently been eighteen for a week!

Now, I'm going to preface with a little something before I go further into this: I am totally fine answering this ask and others like it I think! but, I will note, I do get like a (not fun) physical sensation in my chest- partly anxiety (lol) but also something else I think- thinking about them like 95% of the time- it's gotta be like. Handled The Right Way, if that makes sense. Let's get into it.

So, first off, I'm just gonna re: some of the stuff relative to this I've posted here before- both nonrp and rp, since I use RP to develop my read on Kim and shed some light on how I see things I guess!

These clips come from this ask (and reblog) here!

This rp ask here, which is simply too difficult for me to get in a good screenshot I feel, so I recommend just checking it and the tags for it out- I will share my Bonus Commentary reply though:

This ask as well! Tags less pressing, but still provide a little insight.

And this is probably a dumb inclusion if I really want to make a pseudonym to post fics under, but. I have posted my (very early) thoughts on the SPTO sparks scene to AO3 before, so- (and before going into this- I did remember that Julie and Gideon have that sparks scene after the fact!)

And here's the Barely Anything Lines hinting at the ship that I had in that fic that I used to justify that blurb, while we're here:

I think I've gone over my feelings a little bit in the discord as well, and there might even be more rp stuff relative to it, but I'm not going to go back and get any of that honestly- at least, not right now, or unless requested, since I don't really feel like it's necessary, if it does exist. This gives a pretty good glimpse in I'd say- especially that second to last one there.

So. Yeah.

Used to ship it; have expanded my horizons since then. I don't really want to knock it because like... for some people this is a legitimate life experience for them- one that might have even turned out well, miraculously. And there also a lot of minors in this fandom evidently, so like, any other baby gays out there just wanting to Project for a minute? I feel that. Sincerely I do. It's not the wisest choice but better to read fanfiction about it than go out and actually make out with a 23 year old, Gods forbid. (Genuinely felt sick thinking about that; fucking gross. Any minors out there: Please Make Good Choices. Look out for yourselves. Begging you. There are too many freaks in this world- I promise you whoever you're thinking of probably isn't the magical exception.)

But there are definitely things to consider about them that are very interesting to me, still, so like. I'm in this weird state of conflict; I don't know if it's just me being like "it happened, you can't escape it" or having been desensitized/some sort of Brainwashed by how many times I had to use Knives in the game to quick heal- maybe something else but I just don't feel like flaying myself open like that unprompted for just anyone- but like. Oh man.

Sorry, gathering/writing this that feeling like went away but came circling back for this last bit, it seems. Which makes sense I guess. I feel like I'm setting myself up for a Pyre right now eugh shfsgkjfhjg

I dunno. I'm not gonna lie and pretend like I know it to be some big formative ship for me in my early teen years, but it was kind of important in finally coming around to realizing how queer I was, I think. My memories of the time are fuzzy, but it would have been one of the things- there were likely larger ones, my current obsession could be recoloring my past here so I'm trying to acknowledge that.

But there is like. A dynamic that is posited by them that is also one I'm a really big sucker for. More so now than I was then, so I find myself grinding my teeth about that a fair bit at times.

I definitely still really like it as something unrequited no matter what I think; I like the idea of Knives having a really big crush on Kim, genuinely. I think it's cute and funny as hell for how uncomfortable it would make Kim, who's just trying so hard not to be a fucking creep while this ray of sunshine hangs off her- something she absolutely does not deserve (in her eyes.)

I'm obviously more partial to Kim resisting any advances made at her, but I can understand so, so badly why someone might be attracted to the idea of Knives managing to thaw some of Kim's frigidity with that. Ugh.

If they work for me, I think they'd have to work for me after Knives is gone at college for a bit. Kim would need to know Knives for longer than she knew her as a minor- and they'd have to be FRIENDS in that time, quite strictly. Kim would need to not feel (intensely, because frankly, she would unavoidably feel this way at least a little no matter what,) like she was a fucking groomer going into it, basically. I don't know what I think past that.

You know, I'll put my feelings like this: with the exception of a fic I saw recommended to someone that intrigued me, I have managed to resist reading any/many fics featuring them, despite it being a large majority of the wlw Kim fics that exist, and also kinda just Kim fics generally. It's kind of Insane, especially considering how much Kimona SCREAM at you from the pages of the comic itself- but I digress....

I've been working on this for like over an hour now I think so I really should cut myself off. I am like,, too hungry and mildly stoned to be rambling off about this maybe. If you want more concise/specific thoughts, I recommend prompting! I can try and channel the responses easier with a bit more direction, maybe?

...

actually another thing real quick- I like. Do not know that I could ever feel comfortable, truly, consuming content for them, not knowing if the OP has good intentions. I just Do Not trust people, largely, so that's just like. A little thing. Idk. "Death to the author" or whatever but I am still allowed to feel personally uncomfortable ya know! I don't want them taking my silent observation as like,, passive acceptance in the event that they were. Idk if that makes sense, I need to go eat already, I'm hitting post before i drag this out to TWO hours

[gummyfang]

Hey, I wanted to let you know that I love your writing, your mind is brilliant 🫶

I don’t normally send in asks, but I saw that you’re open to writing for Anakin, and I was wondering if you’d be willing to make some nsfw head cannons for him? I’d especially love to hear your sub Anakin thoughts because I lot of the content I see about him writes him in a more dominant way (which is awesome, but I’m personally obsessed with submissive anakin)

Once again, you are such a gifted author, thank you for sharing your work 💕

HHHH THANK U SO MUCH FOR UR KIND WORDS <33 honestly I have so many specific interps for Anakin in NSFW situations so I'm excited to share my thoughts. NSFW below read more, duh

♡♡♡ |   ˗ˏˋ Anakin Skywalker NSFW headcanons  ´ˎ˗

Ok first things first I have some strong opinions about what he doesn't do, firstly his experience levels.

Because let's be real, if you're his partner in the first place, you're his first. Anakin is a space monk . The code he lives by essentially forces him into celibacy. Now, we know Anakin tends to discard those rules if he believes the situation calls for a different approach, but he can't do so without caution.

Also, I dunno, he seems so romantically ride or die I don't really see him as someone who'd sneak out and sleep around. Point being, his experience before getting together with you is zero.

He can't find the clit at first.

Be patient with him.

I will say this though, Anakin is an experimental person and not afraid to try new things at the risk of them not working out. This is definitely something that extends to the bedroom. He doesn't exactly have sources to get new positions from so he's just gonna tangle your legs around him in every way he can think of, all to find that new angle that he can fuck you that much better at.

And if it doesn't work, he would much prefer honesty over being told it's fine. This extends to everything in the bedroom tbh, safewords are sacred to him and he takes your comfort very seriously.

Now the perhaps more controversial take. Anakin is a switch for sure, but he has some pretty hard limits when it comes to either.

Dom Anakin

I cannot see him being into degrading you, honestly. Anakin loves you to death. You are ethereal to him. He can't cum with such filthy lies in his mouth.

Nahh Ani is praise all the way for sure. He'd brabble on about how good you look as he cums inside of you. His capacity to respond coherently goes down as he's closer to releasing but how sweetly you moan for him and how perfect you look never leaves his mind.

By extension, I don't think he'd be super into hurting you. Though he is not gonna pass up on some consensual choking and spanking.

And boy, he is mouthy.

As in literally.

While he ruts into you, he either wants his mouth on your lips, on your neck or on your chest.

When he is not babbling his praising comments to you, his mouth needs to be busy in some other way.

If you do not want marks on you, you better tell him, because he is going to have to actively stop himself from teething and sucking purple marks into your neck.

Really likes mutual masturbation as well. He tells himself he won't do it over the comms but. He will. If you or him is on a long-term trip you know damn well he doesn't have the patient to wait for either of you to come back.

Sub Anakin

Now. Sub Anakin. That is a whole other ball park.

Anakin craves control, but getting to give up every ounce of control on his own terms really arouses him.

He has some harder limits, he doesn't enjoy being in too much pain or degradation that is too harsh and personal.

But the humiliation aspects of it make him rock hard.

Honestly. He's kinda into it when he's on his knees in front of you, staring up at you with those expectant eyes, and you just barely apply some pressure on his solid crotch. Not enough for it to hurt, just for him to rut against and then make a soiled mess of his pants.

If you let him, that is. Anakin wants to be a good boy. If you tell him no he will listen.

Oh yeah he is more into sexual denial than you'd probably expect.

Orgasm denial? Hell, nothing makes him harder and whinier than making him watch you get yourself off with him unable to touch you or himself.

Or when you edge him? Make him wait until he's close to sobbing. He wouldn't cry, but if you keep going he will get real desperate.

The longer you deny him, the more he goes from bratty to begging.

HUUUUGE validation kink.

Like HUGE.

He enjoys being denied to an extent but he does want to finish on a high note. Call him a good boy, tell himhow hot he looks when he eats you out... Boy he will go feral.

Haven't written just headcanons in a while so I hope you enjoyed these rambles

[melonteee]

sometimes in your vid essays when you briefly diverge into the topic of powerscaling and such I find it hilarious in regards to One Piece specifically because that series is so allergic to that kind of discussion. like as someone who's well-versed in regards to How Powerscaling Works, OP straight up does not give numbers the way other series do and if you go to any powerscaling type wiki/website their OP pages are in fact just born from a million assumptions. One Piece will have a dude say "Im Big Dick McGee" and do one insanely cool thing that has everyone freaking out and powerscalers will be pulling their hair out because *they can't quantify that shit* and have to make a million assumptions as to how strong OP characters really are.

And i feel like Oda has the same mindset because he introduced the doriki system as an actual Power Scale System in water seven and then threw it the hell away mid arc with no reference to it ever again and YET because it's the single point of actual in-series power measuring youll find forums today still using it to make 15 more follow-up assumptions for characters in the current canon. no one can handle the silly goofines of this whole thing and thats not even counting how OP powerlevel discussions become lore discussions too bc how are they going to account for everyone being superhuman due to their planet being far more massive and thus having stronger gravity.

its so hilarious no other shonen could ever resist not introducing a consistent powerscaling system for 2+ decades

EXACTLY DFGHJKDF this is why I've been SAYING you can call One Piece a battle shonen all you want, because there ARE battles in it, but Oda so CLEARLY puts narrative over ANY sort of power system. Every time someone asks Oda any battle relevant question, he always answers with some bullshit JHKFGD like "how far can Luffy stretch?? oh about 20 gum gums" LIKE HHHH he so clearly DOESN'T care to stick to any strict power system. I mean the most recent huge fight was a TOM AND JERRY inspired fight for god's sake, Gear 5 throws any and all power scaling conversations out the window for all we know Gear 5 can do fucking ANYTHING.

I've literally seen One Piece guys and Dragonball guys fighting about whether Gear 5 could beat Goku, and it's like, mother fucker for all we know Gear 5 could just bugs bunny a kamehameha back at him JDFHGKD like we literally do not know the scale of Gear 5. Hell we don't know the scale of MOST characters in One Piece. I was SO confused as to why the term 'admiral level' was a thing cause we've barely seen the admirals...do anything?? Like yeah Akainu can turn into magma and whatever, but what else??? Why is this term even a thing if we haven't even seen the scale of what any of these guys can do JKFGDFGD I will admit I have a much more plot/narrative driven head but I truly cannot understand how One Piece power scalers get any of their arguments or data hhhhhh

[ridl]

Gen question what made u ship ganqing so much?

Great question! Prepare for an essay tho hhhh

I played Genshin at launch but got bored quickly and stopped before I even met Keqing or Ganyu. I learned abt their existence thru fanfics, while looking for some wlw fiction to read. “Cornerstone” in particular is a fantastic fic that was being updated at the time. The author put a lot of care and effort into treating those characters seriously, and fleshing them and their dynamic out, which the game generally fails at.

Their dynamic just instantly captivated me. The way they went from being at odds, with their clashing beliefs, to reaching a mutual understanding. To caring abt each other. And it was never just pure hate, but something much more complicated and nuanced.

Back then it was just voicelines abt each other, and both characters had barely any screentime in general, but it was interesting enough of a basis. I started playing again, missed Ganyu's og banner but was lucky to win my 50/50 on Keqing's once-in-a-lifetime limited banner lmao. And the more I learned about them, the more I liked them.

I not only love ganqing, but I also love both characters individually, their personality, story, design, gameplay, they somehow just have everything that’s interesting and appeals to me.

Keqing is the Yuheng of the Qixing, meaning one of the leaders of the country, approved by Rex Lapis. She’s very pro humanity and believes that humans should fare for themselves, rather than rely on the archon. Not many ppl dare to think this, much less say it to Morax's dragon-adeptus face during the rite of descension. So she’s seen as controversial and disrespectful, and Ganyu as a devoted follower who worked closely with Rex Lapis for thousands of years just doesn’t understand Keqing. Rex Lapis absolutely approves of Keqing’s belief, and Ganyu cannot comprehend it no matter how much she respects and trusts him. It’s a very interesting conflict, that eventually gets resolved, giving us the basis of their potential romantic relationship.

Keqing and Ganyu are both very devoted to Liyue, so they’re both similar but also different. They complement each other. Keqing with her modern approach, quick and efficient, straightforward and bold. Ganyu with her old approach, with her opinions and strength hidden, not very straightforward. A confident human who knows what she’s about, and half-qilin that feels lost between the two worlds. But after Morax’s passing, they manage to find understanding, they go thru character development now just in terms of their relationship, but also them individually, and in relation to Morax. They can change each other too. They can learn so much together, from each other. Keqing how to be more patient and deal with uncertainities, while Ganyu how to be bolder, voice her opinions more and just live more for herself.

Ganyu is no longer bound by her contract, but she remains with the humans. She’s working alongside Keqing, in this new human era of Liyue. And while their limited screentime is locked behind time-limited events, it really shows that change, it shows how they care about each other. It shows Keqing’s relations with the adepti and how interesting it is considering her beliefs, and especially with Ganyu’s mother figure.

You could technically just sum them up in popular tropes like “enemies to friends to lovers”, "mortal x immortal" or “opposites attract”, but I think it’s so much deeper than that. I find ganqing's relationship very interesting and unique bc of their personalities, relations with each other and other ppl as well as their country, the setting, their stories, their identities, the conflict and character development they go through.

The game only gives us crumbs, but it also gives so much space and potential for this pairing. It’s never fully explained how it all changed between Ganyu’s voiceline how she started understanding Keqing a little, and their interactions in moonchase/lantern rites, where they’re clearly on very good terms. But I think that’s fine. It gives us freedom to truly flesh them out. Genshin’s storytelling is pretty crappy in the first place lol, so I think it’s cool to just take the interesting ideas, and make something much greater out of it.

And if you’re interested, ganqing related links:

Some fic recs (limited to canon setting): - (Chuminder has written 4 fics that are technically seperate, but they work very well as a series so i recommend this order) Blue the Color of a Goodnight, Cornerstone, Taproot, Passage - Heartbeat of the world - In the wake of - She, with the scent of flowers and lightning - A Better, Brighter Light

My chaotic compilation of bigger and smaller crumbs, including some stuff abt those characters individually:

It’s just things I find interesting, or that could be used in describing their dynamic and relationship, or just official images. They’re underrated characters, both by the fandom and the game itself imo.

Also an excellent thread, with similar idea and better screenshots (lol) i saw on twitter: https://twitter.com/gqlovebot/status/1672183539973111808

[randomchaotix]

i dare yyou to reveal your oldest art piece muahahaa /silly

Hhhh—-

My oldest art piece is one I cannot find [it’s in traditional]

But ah— have the oldest [digital] art of my main oc instead!!

[elvenbeard]

Then and now - shippy edition! 💜

Enabled and inspired by @pinkyjulien @humberg @arcandoria @breezypunk @kharonion and everyone else who's done something similar XD My little VP and modding journey featuring Vince and Kerry over the last few months!

So, I figure, most of you can relate to my disappointment when I realized at the end of my first playthrough that there's so little interaction possible with the main NPCs outside of their respective questlines. The text messages your LI sends you are adorable, yes. Being able to sleep in their bed and then waking up next to them? A+ game design, 100/100, every game with romances needs this. But where is my option to hug, kiss, spend time with Kerry? Rude!!

Still though, I was undeterred to create some shots for my new favourite blorbos with my vanilla game (I had never heard of AMM then (or at least was too chickenshit still to install it)).

2023/Feb/06

Behold, my first attempts at creating something shippy (and I do still like these a lot) - title: Kerry meets Nibbles.

The idea behind this is probably kinda self-explainatory XD I had these as desktop background for so long, it feels so nostalgic to look back at them now. I think I have some slightly edited versions somewhere but cannot find them for the life of me, but there's no big difference really, just some slight colour/contrast editing.

I was always a bit bummed out by the fact that Kerry's default outfit for idling at the villa is the one with sunglasses on (while over the progression of his questline he wears it less and less as he gets to know V better, as if he is letting his guard down). But oh well! Also yes, that was and still is my favourite photomode pose for V really, because it is very versatile:

But that's... really it when it comes to opportunities for shippy moments outside of the quests.

2023/Feb/09

I was yearning for more!! As you can see, these are only 3 days apart. I had done some research and learned about the "[NPC] Interactions Enhanced" mods that I highly recommend for the options to kiss and hug your LIs alone :3 And! More shippy shot opportunities, because Kerry will finally be somewhere else in his huge-ass villa besides the sofa or the bed, and take off those beloathed sunglasses:

Hhhh.... I can't tell you how happy I was about this shot. I remember yelling to my friends on Discord about it half in tears (none of them really knowing much about the game yet apart from my occasional screaming about all the angst and plot twists). I think I described it as "Vince finally feeling some actual, real happiness, daring to imagine a future", just content and relaxed, having a late night talk with Kerry. I still like it a lot, and because of the mod enabling me to take this pic I still low-key wanna look into quest-modding some day and see if I can make something in a "romance-enhanced" direction. The "Kerry calls V and wants help with cleaning up the villa" quest we all deserve xD

2023/Feb/12

Another couple of days later, and with one toe dipped into modding now, I finally installed AMM (I think, since this was around Valentine's Day, this must've been when I saw a tutorial by @pinkyjulien on how to pose your blorbos for kissing poses with AMM, and my mind was blown XD). My first attempt to even get anything accomplished was kinda frustrating though (because I wanted to do too much too quickly). In a couple of the other "then and now" posts I saw earlier that the more common approach for getting into AMM used to be "swap your characters with NPCs around the city" and I was like.... "oh, yeah, that would've made things a lot easier" 🤡 Nope, I went right in with spawning them in and trying to squish them together with poses that somewhat matched XD

The following were my first AMM-posed screenshots that worked how I wanted them to, and aösdhfdsaf I am somewhat self-conscious about them still. What is a "look at" feature? What are expressions?

I never shared these publically before but hhhhh... this is it, this is the moment where the brainrot started. They're at Dark Matter, talking about V's childhood in Charter Hill, musing about how it's insane how they both occupied almost the same spaces for such long periods of their lives and only never ran into each other due to their age difference. I'm actually still (slooooowly) working on a little comic with this scene/story as topic, cause it is so essential and important to me (based on a random spontaneous decision I made about V's past before even knowing the Dark Matter existed... right across from V's childhood home asdöasdhfjds. Setting the whole "we were destined for each other" trope I have going on with them so much in stone ;A;). This is one of the shoots I'd also really like to redo with my current VP skills... maybe when I've finished my hand-holding poses, cause yeah... hand holding ;__;

Speaking of which:

2023/Jul/13

Five months later, still stupidly in love with each other, still regularly back at the Dark Matter because the place is so gorgeous and important to them. Kerry's getting some more outfits slowly but surely (even with sunglasses!), I have a much better understanding of AMM and the VP possibilities in general now. These two unlocked completely new ways of creative expression for me that I wouldn't even have dreamed of possessing or wanting to follow. VP has become such an amazing creative outlet, for creating all those little scenes I wish I existed in the base game, or which I'd love for them to have in their future.

Am I crying about fictional pixel men too much? Maybe. But over a short period of time they've become so important to me, and I got to meet so many cool and inspiring people in this community after not really feeling part of or even drawn to creating for a fandom for a long time anymore. Can't wait to update this post some time in the future to see where my and their journey will lead to!

I feel like my progress is kinda slow, and I wish I had more time to dedicate to them and all my creative endeavours, cause they'd deserve it for all the joy they bring me xD But alas... Fingers crossed for more spare time and better time management in my future! Thanks for reading this far and coming to my blorbo talk 💜

[berlingotesque]

hi i have been losing my mind for the past 2 days because ur thomas design is so. i cannot form words what have you done/silly

it was all i could see on my dash at some point and i love the drawing so much but oh my goodness man. just wowie/pos

HHHH thank you so much anon !! I’m so happy you like my design, it means the world to me 😭💖 Sorry to have monopolized your dash tho

I've always found Thomas to be a shockingly underrated character in the fandom, so I'm more than happy that he's finally finding his audience ! Thanks again for such a kind message <3

[plegg-culture-is]

Fannish plegg carton culture, specifically protogenic-endogenic plegg culture that later finds itself to be full of permanent resident soulbonds is —

In very very early childhood:

*Projections literally playing H.O.R.S.E or whatever that basketball game is. Of course the main fronter never played, because they are too short.*

"Huh!! Well I mean those barbecue sauce was spicy before but it's 0.05 seconds later and I feel completely different as a person and also this barbecue sauce is no longer spicy. Oh well. The teacher called me a liar over barbecue sauce so I'm gonna be a shithead to them and have a meltdown"

In middle school:

"What would Gohan do if he was in this world???"

"What would Jayfeather do if he were in this world??"

"OMG. WHAT WOULD. IZAYA ORIHARA DO IF HE WAS IN THIS SITUATION JIST SOME MIDDLE SCHOOLER NOW"

*Has full-ass slow changing "see through my eyes" quasi-ceremonies based solely on vibes since we didn't have innerworld completely built yet*

*Chasing each other in hallways and all people saw was a small autistic child running for no reason lol*

"Why the fuck can I never feel my face when something horrible happens to us me? Also I relate too much to Silver from Pokémon HeartGold/SoulSilver"

In high school:

"Yep just Gon and Killua from Hunter×Hunter chillin' over there. Nobody can see 'em and these feel pretty distinct from hallucinations considering I can't literally see them. Eh. Maybe just imagination."

*Checking out a pro-endogenic blog in 2015* "Yup I am just a curious singlet"

*Still chasing ourselves through hallways just less or more hidden because people are stupid.* Why the fuck am I so angry all of the time. Why the fuck do I feel like there should be more to all of this.

"Hhhh Illumi Zoldyck from Hunter×Hunter patting my head is completely normal. So is pretending I am Ethan from Pokémon HeartGold/SoulSilver I'M NOT PRETENDING ThOUGH??? I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO CALL THIS all I know is I am definitely Ethan, , not Ethan? And Illumi Zoldyck is petting my head and we are working at a McDonald's right now. What the fuck is happening" *Proceeds to ignore this and never tell anyone until we are today years old*

"My vitriol for Hisoka Morrow of Hunter×Hunter has three sides to it. I hate him and his canon. I have no clue how to explain the other two sides to this and I cannot stand my friend obsessing over this character" *Proceeds to also ignore this one too, and never tell anyone until we are today years old*

In university:

"Hey 30 year old Gladion idk if you're actually a figment of my imagination anymore but yeah sure your sister Lily and her daughter Mei can chill in here in this brain for awhile. Does this mean I'm genderfluid lol?" (Narrator: this is, in fact, NOT what genderfluidity is supposed to feel like.)

"Oh well I guess Itonai from Assassination Classroom is just decided to sleep in the bed tonight. Get the fuck off of my bed ya lazy bum. Noooo it's just wei — get back in our head you freak (//lovingly, platonic)"

*Just feeling fucking uncomfortable around sysmedicalists but especially the sysmedicalists who were anti-endogenic as well (yes there are pro-endogenic sysmeds!! Uhm but definitely not plural, nope)*

"I am now talking to these projections while brushing my teeth. Lucifer from The Devil Is A Part-Timer has literally crash-landed into our brain along with Emilia Justina. Wtf?"

*Discovers the word endogenic yet again and gets the weird euphoria again*

*Maybe our late second year at university, at fucking 11PM, after anime club finishes — Kusuo Saki just fucking chilling on top of the table via projection* "Heeey so remember that one time in high school where you had weird daydreams about that pink-haired psychic boy and the blonde with drills? Welp, Mami Tomoe picked me up on the way here —" *Queue freakout of the main fronter at this point*

-----------

SO ANYWAYS that is. Uh. Some Stuff(tm) yaaay, anyways the good thing about this is we don't think our queer shit would ever, ever be as fucking weird as our plurality shit in the context of the societal context and chronological context we, Rusanya, live in, so figuring out we're aceplex (since we found the plurality first and asexuality is more of a veil) was mostly just an "AHA okay then lol" and we just kind of slap every label on the planet onto us that we like that we think applies, both on an individual and collective level. :D

.

[blueinkscribe]

OK sorry I gotta be political for a second because. Hhhh.

It has occurred to me that, given the chance, yes, I would absolutely be one of the people who wouldn't work given the option to not work.

Like. If a millionaire showed up at my doorstep and told me "here 3k each month, go chill" I WOULD.

If the capitalist system would not force me to work to have a somewhat comfortable life, I WOULD NOT WORK.

There's no way ANYONE would be able to drag me into a workspace if I didn't have to be here for money.

Yes, I am one of the lucky disabled people who is capable of working.

I am physically capable to perform most jobs, and I am mentally capable to survive them.

However. If I have work on any given day, that means that entire day, the entire 24 hours are now work. Doesn't matter of my shift is only 8 hours. The whole day is work.

I can't do anything before work when I have time because 1. I need to save my physical energy and ability to move for work and 2. I will the entire time be in a state if paralysis out of a fear of being late.

I can't do anything after work because 1. I am physically exhausted and in pain and 2. I am so incredibly overloaded that I'll need to sit and stare and a wall for the rest of the day.

I can't sleep calmly if I know I work the next day, because 1. I am terribly anxious about how exhausted I'll be if I don't get enough sleep which, in fact, prevents me from getting enough sleep and 2. I am even more anxious that I'll oversleep.

I can not do anything on a day that either just one free day between work days or on the first day of a 2 day break because I am exhausted both mentally and physically and need that time to recover.

If I have a two day break, I also cannot relax in the evening because, well, the sleep issue I mentioned above.

This mean I have about 10 hours of time that is Not Work if we assume a standard 5 day work week, which, might I remind you, not everyone can afford and not every job has space for.

I believe 100% that if I didn't have to work, I'd actually be so much more productive in my life. I'd be able to create art, I'd be able to help people around me, I'd be able to take on other tasks and first and foremost, I'd be able to live instead of just exist.

Sometimes, I find myself envying those within the same social system as me that are, and please excuse my phrazing here, I do not have a better way of saying it "disabled enough" to not have to work. I hate this thought, because it's a sad thought.

But ultimately, I am already disabled, and sometimes, when I lie awake as I do so often worrying about work, I find myself wishing I was disabled just a little more, so I didn't have to work.

This SUCKS. And I HATE it.

So yes. If I didn't have to work, I wouldn't, you're right. But at least I'd feel alive, at least I could have those things I'm supposed to be working for, a family, friends, a dream.

But all I have is work. And all I'm really working for these days is to survive another day at work.

[bellafragolina]

A bittersweet self-aware prompt that can involve any character of your choosing:

The three times the character was introduced to the player.

1) When the player first started the game and was just learning the ropes.

2) When the player came back to re-play the game and wanted to experience everything the game had to offer.

3) When the player was showing their child how to play the game and helping them get through the hard parts.

If that’s too sad, you can switch it up and say younger relative/friend.

Feel free to go as in-depth or simple as you like, and pick whichever character - or characters if you’re feeling bold - you want.

Enjoy!

ooh!! Any character I want?? Hhhh that’s a tricky game to play cause you know who I wanna choose

🍓🍓🍓

The sky faller is strange. Understandable, since the world they came from is no doubt considerably different. Professor Laventon keeps notes on it all, eager to help the poor thing adjust, everything from mentions of food to phrases and actions they often do and their meanings. This world is not kind to strangers, to things dubbed different, so Laventon works hard to be a comforting presence.

But even still, the faller is. . . strange. As time passes, Laventon starts to notice more of their little habits. Their words are very limited, hardly ever speaking their wants, instead rushing around towards things they shouldn’t be able to see, to know about. They’re scarily astute, well aware of what is nearby, be it item or Pokémon.

And the Pokémon. . . Even the Pokémon are strange. They act as normal, but without any sort of command from the faller. They strike, deafening moves of devastating power, without so much of an indication from the trainer. They point, swipe their hand, and the Pokémon somehow knows what to do. Laventon watches them battle endlessly, yet can’t seem to gleam what it is that’s instructing the Pokémon to do different moves.

He’s worried. These things could cause strife in the village if not properly explained or proved harmless. It’s terrible that he has to even study the faller, a small child that’s acting as they always have, but they’re different. And to Laventon’s disdain, different is treated as bad here. So he works hard.

And in his determination, he looks up to the sky that birthed his honorary charge, and sees. . . not Sinnoh. No, it’s not a Pokémon that lingers in the sparkling waves of the spacetime rip. Instead, it’s a face, human.

A smiling face. And with it, a warm voice. The voice, soft and murmuring, guides the faller. The voice shows them the way, points out the various things a normal person cannot see, and conducts the Pokémon to be victorious. They puzzle through mysteries that surround the land, the Pokémon, and bring the bare bones PokéDex to new heights.

And in their sweet voice, they always pour plenty of praise onto Laventon himself, flustering the professor to no end.

Laventon finds himself staring at the sky far more often. Whoever it is up there, watching over the faller. . . He’s entranced. Who is this person? How are they there, gazing upon Hisui?

Whoever they are, Laventon easily becomes smitten. He watches them guide the faller with nothing but patience and encouragement. As things grow to a close, the dex on the verge of being completed, Laventon starts to contemplate opening up to this person watching over them. He has so much to ask, to say, to thank them for.

Perhaps after the last noble is calmed-

◉

When Laventon wakes up, he feels. . . strange. He rushes wanders Jubilife, drawn to the little beach, just in time to see a figure float down from the sky. He marvels the faller, his darling Pokémon quickly rushing over to them with eager chirps and cries.

Laventon starts to follow, then pauses. He gazes up to the sky, the rift, and. . . there's a face. A face of determination.

Ah. Yes. He remembers now! But. . . why is this all happening again?

Laventon watches carefully. The faller is the same as before, but even more efficient. They catch Pokémon with ease, and their guardian murmurs aloud about evolution and dex entries.

It's hard not to feel flattered when such a grand being takes such interest in his work, such delight in his entries. Laventon makes sure to tell the faller his thanks and gratitude often, knowing it travels up to their guardian, given the smile they always wear.

And it's hard not to fall for such a proud, delighted smile.

Laventon works hard, as hard as the faller. He strives to get approval from the guardian above, perhaps saving this world from another repeat of events, perhaps gaining their favor towards him as well. They already help so many people. All the villagers, the clans, even Kamado despite their sullenness towards the captain.

Laventon understands, and even comes to share some of their sullenness when the faller is banished. No amount of pleading can stop it, and Laventon grows so upset, seeing the face in the sky grow shadowed and disappointed.

He can't stand to see them disappointed.

But it works out! The might Sinnohs are quelled, and things return to normal. The dex becomes the sole concern once again, and despite the betrayal of Volo along the way, the faller and their guardian work hard together. Laventon cheers them on every step of the way, so excited to see things finally coming to completion.

It feels like things are as they should be. Laventon guides the faller like you do, the best he can. It feels like he's gained a child of his own, somehow, with how he frets and worries for them when their not around. He sees the guardian in the sky do similar, whenever the faller is struck, so perhaps they feel like a parent as well?

Perhaps he and them are parents together, to the faller? It's a nice thought to have, one where he has a little family, a life of accomplishment and comfort and love and affection.

And when all is done, the dex sitting completed in his hands, Laventon has to look up towards the sky, and-

◉

Laventon wakes up, and knows things are wrong. He knows where he is, when he is, but it feels. . . different. He eases himself into the village, and feels like years have passed, despite being back at the start once more. So he rushes towards the beach, towards the faller still sinking down down down.

Reluctantly, he gazes towards the sky.

There the guardian is, just as beautiful as he can remember. And in their lap sits a small child, one with their eyes.

Laventon stops looking at the sky, and focuses on the faller before him.

🍓🍓🍓

i did my best! i hope this is good!

~Renee

[saltv2]

That makes sense! I was thinking some of it had to be inspired off of the Palestinan struggle as well as other similar struggles for freedom. but the point still stands even if it was a search for freedom, because really the queer community is only looking for freedom, although nowhere near the same as people who are actively oppressed for where they were born, by a group that has their heads so far up their ass they can't see their own flaws in their logic while they murder children. I feel very strongly about this. mm.

I do have gotta say this though, if you plan on making the sub-zone as a metaphor for the search for freedom and the minority, you probably need to make sure that it's PROPERLY done. I've seen so many sci-fi dystopian stories with suppressed groups that end up always the same- liberation due to one person's/one groups efforts.

I am begging you to not let nerika win oh my god I hope she girl-fails so bad. Not because I don't believe it can happen (I hope desperately it can happen. I really do. And I KNOW it can happen, but it cannot under the conditions you have set.), but it's obvious it's a deep social issue rather than the entire sub-zone hates the big city kinda deal. They cannot liberate themselves if they cannot unify. Nerika, by fighting gangs and making herself a local danger to society, is only worsening the issue.

(don't spoil your story because I'm being pissy btw, just wanted to throw my opinion out.)

Also, does outside cities gaf about SubZones issues? What is the size of the SubZone, and how is it split itself? I know this might be answered in the comic but it's good to note that the two area map isn't realistic at all- each will have little SubZones of their own, areas controlled by gangs and areas more controlled.

Not everyone in the SubZone is gonna be miserable, and not everyone in nerom (cannot spell lmao) is gonna be living the life. There are no black and white. There is only grayscale.

Sorry if this got a bit ranty but there's some questions sprinkled in here. I have a lot to say but I'm hoping this ends up as good as it's promising to be, it's a neat concept and has a lot going for it. But it's also easily fucked up. Dystopias are difficult as FUCK. Ig if you'd like recommendations of what id personally consider well done and realistic dystopias, it's gotta be Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury, 1984 by George Orwell, and Brave New World by Aldous Huxley (warning on all of these btw these are WILD. And all of them are men leads but hhhh it's hard to find good ones with woman leads bc of the 2000's YA novel phase unfortunately. And I'm a whole ass dude dawg. Also these are old as fuck.) none of these fit the "vibe" of DaD (these are about individual freedom, what a human is really capable of, and how humanity prefers comfort over reality, but hey, examples are always good.)

Thank you for the recommendations!!! I was actually looking for things that could set an example and stuff i could learn from!

But yeah, I won’t spoil the story but i assure you, a victory because of 1 person will not be an issue.

Nerika’s actions will haunt her in some way, that’s literally why alaria exists. And that’s why winfrey and amelia exist.

Outside cities are not entirely aware unless they’re in partnership with Neom in conducting the experiments, the SubZone is disguised as basically a glorified shelter. I guess the best way to put it, do you know the fake town made for people with dementia? The SubZone was made to look like that, but the Size of texas.

And yes the “little SubZones” statement is in fact true, there are areas controlled by certain people.

And that’s correct, not everyone is miserable in the SubZone, and not everyone in Neom is happy.

Anyway thanks for the rant, i’m more than open to more of this or criticism in general

[go-to-the-mirror]

March, 2023

I MEANT TO DRAW SOMETHING HHHH

Istg, if the only art I make for this whole relisten is for fatigue I'm gonna cry.

Anyway, 152 time!! I love 152, I love Jon and Helen, I love the parallels, I'm excited, ohhh this is so cool we're heading to like fantastic episode WAY TOO MANY NOTES ones really quickly (too quickly, i want to draw something for 160) and yeah! Yeah! Oh god it's almost season 5.

Below is a mixture of amazing words - mostly Jonny's /j (i have some as well) - and rambling. I love this statement so. much. now.

@a-mag-a-day!!!

I'm putting a content warning for I think it's unreality, cause I talk a bit about... not being able to trust yourself, and that could be... not grand for some people.

Statement of Hezekiah Wakely, regarding his career as a gravedigger. Compiled from a series of letters to Nathaniel Beale between 1837 and 1839. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, the Archivist.

Who's Nathaniel Beale? I feel like I've seen his name before. Unless, of course, it's another Michael situation. There's... Nathaniel Thorp and Nathaniel Lukas. Hmm.

I’ve been installed here some weeks now, and I’m finding myself well-contented, my sexton duties keeping my time employed such as I scarce have a chance to allow myself those dark thoughts that so concerned you when last we visited.

What thoughts, I wonder. It probably mentions it further along, but I haven't really paid attention to this statement enough to be sure. For a while I thought it was "A Gravedigger's Entry".

The Lord gave him that voice for a purpose, no doubt – but sometimes that purpose does feel like it might be providing me a few minutes of unearned slumber

Hehe

My troubled sleep, on the other hand, has not, of yet, resolved itself in any way to my satisfaction. I work myself to exhaustion, cleaning, polishing and looking after the church proper, and I tell you, when I lie abed I can scarce rise again for the weakness I leave myself in. And yet, sleep still eludes me.

Heh, real. I too cannot sleep.

I’ve never quite known a rest like it. Perhaps it is the harder, more physical aspect of the task, or perhaps the quiet rhythm of it. There’s no echo as there is in the church, just the sound of pick and shovel hitting dirt. And when it’s deep enough, when you stand at the bottom, the noise of the world just… fades away to nothing. It is the sort of quiet that makes you feel as though the commotion and hubbub of life were but a terrible dream, and in sleeping you were waking up to peace.

BLANKETS ARE NOT ENOUGH I NEED TO BE BURIED ALIVE

That just sounds so?? Nice??? HHhnhnmhn

There is such peace in the churchyard, you see: to walk atop the soil knowing that, deep below my feet, those blessed souls wait happy and silent in the cool, damp earth, counting the days until the Resurrection. It gives me such warmth to think of that I have taken to spending much of my unoccupied time wandering the graves, and, where the mood allows me, taking my sleep there.

That is creepy, but like... I mean... I can understand it? It's nice to be outside in nights that aren't too cold, it's nice to sleep under the stars, the creepy part is the fact that it's a graveyard, but that can be brushed aside.

But I do long for that rest. I tell myself I wake each day renewed, but I am never as truly satisfied as when I’m in my slumber, and insensible to the world.

This statement is making me want to go to sleep and/or be buried in the dirt.

I do find, however, that when I dig my graves, I have been going deeper. And at times, I worry I might dig so far as I can no longer get out with my meager ladder. Now, those moments – you must not cast judgment on me for this, Nathaniel, for it is simply a passing fancy – but I will often lie myself down on that soft earth, and I will sleep. And I swear to you that the sleep I find there is more blissful than any I have ever found.

A Gravedigger's Envy? He's getting the nice grave sleep, I want the nice grave sleep, how is Jonny making grave sleep sound so appealing?

At least until a few feet down. But by the end of it… oh, I tell you there was warmth in that grave. Whether by my own body or the heat of the soil, I couldn’t say, but it was as comfortable as the fireplace of a public house, and the wind could not reach me in the hole that I had made.

I want that, I really want the grave sleep, that sounds so nice.

I had a dream, then. I dreamt a rain had come. A terrible bitter rain that chilled my bones and turned the soil around me dark and sodden. The walls grew damp and slippery, their firm shape lost as they began to slip and crumble. And then all at once they collapsed, the grave filling in a moment with a wave of mud and wet dirt. In a single terrible moment of utter terror, it was atop and around me, covering my face and filling my lungs with its awful choking sod. And the strangest thing was that it was wonderful. I had never felt such safety as within the crushing weight of earth all around me, the pressing embrace of the buried. In that instant I knew what it was to be dead, and I ached with envy for them.

Ok, hi, I saw a post, and I was thinking about the post, and I'm going to make a vague rebuttal (friendly-like, because they had good points). Hezekiah was afraid before the walls crashed around him. He was not afraid of some other terror, he was afraid of being buried - in the dead way or the forever deep below creation way... I don't know. Seems to be both, fear soup, remember.

The dreamers that have no idea what Smirke's fourteen is, or the supernatural, still affect the dream. Hezekiah associates being buried with being dead, and therefore the fears affect him as if being buried and being dead were similar things. I'm guessing quite a lot of people fear destruction and associate that with their fear of fire. Spiders and control for the aesthetic and also little bug guys fear being trapped when they're in a spider's web. People fear judgement when they're being looked at. (Speaking of, I swear at the shops today everyone was looking at me, like I saw them look at me, I felt their eyes on me, I associated this with the fear of judgement, and was appropriately spooked. What is this, episode 188 of The Magnus Archives?)

Anyway, back to this, Hezekiah's fear transformed into what Hezekiah became. Similarly, Martin - he was afraid of being alone, abandoned, and afraid of being found out. He became an "avatar" of The Lonely and The Eye. Also, would Martin's fear of being alone and being judged overlap, or feel similar? Is this why he gets both?

Mike was afraid of the part of The Twisting Deceit (The Spiral) that chased him, but he also had encounters with The Vast before Ex Altiora, he was afraid of the unfathomable power of that which chased him, he said that the form it took belonged to The Vast, the way he describes the pain of being struck by lightning - how it is so painful that to try to measure it is impossible. That's all pretty Vast-y to me.

Jane... Jane was afraid of the Hive. She didn't want it, she was afraid, she went to it... sure, she was lonely, but looking at her statement, how much of it is the Hive - if we're separating the two - and how much is Lonely? She talks of picking at her skin, of worms that emerged from the ground after rain, of an itch that called her to the attic, to the wasp's nest.

Sure, something chased them to becoming an Avatar, but I wouldn't go so far as to say it's "another fear" both because fear soup and because... a lot of their stories are about being repulsed and terrified by something, but getting so caught up in it that you forget that person who was scared, and you hurt others just how you've been hurt. Cycle of violence, babyyyy!

For an example, let's grab Peter and Martin. Peter's from the family of... basically a cult? Sure, he doesn't seem too bothered by it, but humans are social animals, and he was neglected for his whole childhood, that fucks people up @ the person who said yea Peter's childhood was actually fine. Then he becomes an avatar of the Forsaken and manipulates Martin into becoming an avatar of The Lonely in turn, who then - in the Eyepocolypse - hurts people in his domain. It's not one to one, but no analogies are.

I’ve been thinking, Nathaniel, of funerals and bodies. Souls that escape leaving this common clay to become one again with a truer clay. Were we not created from mud? And it seems more fitting to me that we should return forever to that mud, not pulled from it by some would-be Redeemer, or lifted to sing hosannas in his holy court. I’ve worked so long, so hard. Do I not deserve a rest in the mud from which I came? Commit my body to the earth and let it stay there. I’d do the same for you. For worship of the Most High - though it may be earned, perhaps, by He that made the heavens and the earth - well, to my mind, all that prayer still sounds a lot like work.

The difference between this and the beginning. Speedrunning his decent, as it were. The difference between envying the dead, and their rest before they go to Heaven, to wishing that when he leaves the world he stays in the ground. Hmmmm!!

But He is the son of God and we are merely sons of the dirt. We are not as strong as He is, and we deserve rest. We deserve to sleep.

The Buried oft represents being metaphorically under pressure, as Hezekiah is. He wishes to be Buried to finally rest from his work. That's interesting to me.

Also, feels sort of Flesh-y, but in a way where it's like... yes, soup, is not the fear of being one and the same as animals, as already being dead, as being from the earth and knowing one day you shall return all part of the same thing? Is that not a similar fear? Feels like one to me. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, that's about death, that's about the earth, are they not one and the same? We all come from the same earthen roots, people, animals, plants, everything, we are the same, and we will die the same.

I’ve been trying to sleep, but that bell kept ringing, the one over Jacob the baker’s grave. That nonsense safety valve the Reverend insisted on putting there, ringing and ringing, and disturbing the sleep of everyone in the churchyard. I’ve no doubt it disturbed Jacob as well, who worked so hard all his life and never thought to complain of his lot. He deserved to rest. So I cut the cord. And now he is quiet.

Oh, lord, he buried Jacob alive.

But I can see why he did it. He fears being away from the earth, he fears not being able to die, and so he sees it as saving Jacob and I understand that, I can understand that in his position, robbed of restful sleep, the grave being the only place where he can find his rest that he would do this.

I think this statement has just achieved the rank of "one of my favourites," because... that line. "He deserved to rest. So I cut the cord. And now he is quiet."

But worry not, Nathaniel. The love I bear you will not let me leave you ignorant. As I did with the Reverend, I will come and I will show you, once and forever, the true and glorious peace of the Buried.

Wow. Just... wow.

Nathaniel Beale is buried on the grounds of St. Peter’s Church in his hometown of Dunstable. And I am only the third person to know that in almost 200 years, after Nathaniel Beale himself, and Mr. Wakeley, the person who buried him.

Hey, we're still getting post-statement spookiness, but because everyone's just stopped doing work it's with Jon's eye spookiness.

I... wow.

I cannot tell how much of the change that comes over someone when they are taken by one of the Fears is a direct product of their influence, and how much is their own mind, desperately contorting itself to accept and justify the awful things they find themselves drawn to doing.

I have a really good quote that ties in with this, but it's only in the deluxe transcript of Hive (patreon exclusive transcripts that have Jon's notes and are canon, the Hive one is the most emotionally ruining of the ones out (1 - 33 as of 22/03/2023) so far), but I will say that his attitude towards them has changed significantly as he's... become one.

He called Jane Prentiss "the entity formerly known as Jane Prentiss" and now... hm...

It's interesting how his understanding or conception of avatars and the like changing over the seasons, and although season 4 doesn't have a lot of other avatar interactions... Jon's whole humanity thing, it's enough to make it my favourite season when it comes to this stuff.

I have read many statements now by those who are changing, who are becoming – something else, and few if any of them seem… entirely rational. Entirely the people that they were before.

GIDDY LEG WIGGLE LIKE HHJNNHNHEHN!!! Humanity and identity and monsterhood and trauma!!! The THEMES of this podded cast, I'm love, I'm love!

But how can I tell, I suppose. My job is to view people at their lowest, their most fearful and unstable moments. Perhaps there is less change there than I imagine. Certainly, I don’t feel different. I have no desire for pseudo-religious philosophizing, or delighting in the suffering of those I harm. Then again, I suppose I’m hardly in the best position to judge. Perhaps to anyone listening to these tapes I sound remarkably similar to Hezekiah. Or to Manuela. Or to Jane.

So, I talked about this to my (middlest) sister because sometimes when you're this excited about things you just have to talk to people, like actually talk, and I had some pretty good thoughts about rationality, about if you can know if you're a monster. If you're slipping and you can't trust your mind anymore, how can you trust your mind enough to know that you can't trust your mind? It's just, how can you know you're so far gone, if you can't trust you, then you can't trust trusting you, therefore you can never truly trust yourself, can you? Everything is your perception, and you will never know if you can trust that. You will only know that you can't.

I just think that it's very neat, the whole... everything, all of this, it's just really cool, like how would Hezekiah know he's wrong to be responsible for the death of Jacob, for the Reverend, for Nathaniel? Does he? How does Jon know if he's just like Hezekiah, how can you truly know yourself - or understand yourself? Oh boy, this is such a cool statement and post statement.

HELEN Hello, John. Been a while since you’ve been down here. ARCHIVIST (Impatient noise) I didn’t come here to see you. HELEN Oh, come now! I’m sure I’m more interesting company than the late Jane Prentiss. ARCHIVIST It’s all that’s left of her now – apart from a jar of ashes in my desk. Just a circle of rotten stone on an otherwise-unremarkable wall.

Is the circle of stone a mirror? Is the jar of ashes as much a part of you as your rib? What was she trying to achieve, you wondered so long ago and now you have the answer and you still don't know why... why she listened to the song in her dreams, why she scratched the itch, but then again, why did you?

HELEN (Cont.) Ah… But that’s not why you’re here, is it? ARCHIVIST Yeah. I’ve been thinking a lot about Jane. She was the first, you know. The first I actually encountered like… like us. She seemed so… inhuman. Like everything she used to be was stripped away. HELEN And now…? ARCHIVIST I wonder how much of her was still in there. How much did she choose to be what she was? I read her statement, she was… (inhale, exhale) she was scared. I assumed she’d been possessed completely against her will, but now I’m not even sure that’s possible. HELEN It is astounding the sort of thing you’re willing to choose – given an unpleasant enough alternative – isn’t it? ARCHIVIST How much of willpower is just – safety? “Comfort” by another name. The option to choose and be fine.

THEMES OF CHOICE AND HOW MUCH YOU'RE AFFORDED!!! God, I love this so much! I love how Jane Prentiss, our and Jon's conception of Jane Prentiss changes from season 1 to season 4. How it starts with her as an inhuman enemy, no longer the person she was, and changes to be... what was she, why did she chose this, who was she, she's humanised as Jon becomes a monster, knows her. Understands her.

She was scared.

Good lord.

And then Jon's line, "How much of willpower is just - safety. Comfort by another name. The option to choose and be fine." and that choice isn't really afforded to them, it's always these hard choices with one option that's like "at least you don't die", or live in fear, or whatever. The option to choose and be fine.

Themes. So many themes, I love this bloody podcast.

HELEN Hungry, are we? ARCHIVIST (Angrily) That’s not – – I haven’t done anything – HELEN – yet. ARCHIVIST (Roughly) I feel like if I don’t… I might die. Fade away into nothing. HELEN … Do you… Know that? ARCHIVIST No. But I… (frustrated noise) I can’t die. They need me. HELEN Come on, Jon, no excuses. (The Archivist sighs.) HELEN (Cont.) They don’t need your protection.

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY, JUST PODDED CAST!!

ARCHIVIST When does it stop? HELEN (Impatient) What? ARCHIVIST The guilt. The misery. All the others I’ve met, they’ve been – cold, cruel. They’ve enjoyed what they do. When does the Eye (inhale) make me monstrous? (Helen laughs.) HELEN What – why would it ever do that? ARCHIVIST I don’t… HELEN When has your guilt, or your sadness, or your handwringing ever actually stopped you from doing what it wants? ARCHIVIST (Stammering) I-I – I have not been taking statements – HELEN You’ve sworn of other people’s trauma for now because you’re caught. Because continuing would endanger you. But other than that, when has your discomfort ever actually stopped you walking the path of the Beholding? ARCHIVIST I… I don’t know… HELEN Even if it were capable of doing so, what possible reason would the Eye have to change how you feel, when it makes no difference to your actions? Helen was like you, at first. She felt such guilt over taking people. Until one day she realized she wasn’t going to stop doing it. So she chose to stop feeling guilty.

OK FIRST OF ALL SOMETHING I CAN DEAL WITH, SIMILARITIES AND DIFFERENCES BETWEEN JON AND HELEN! Helen went to Jon for help with the guilt, and Jon turned her away because he was scared of what he was becoming. Jon asks Helen when the Eye makes him monstrous and she says no, it's not the Eye that'll do that, it's you. You have to decide to stop feelings guilty about the monstrous things you're doing.

Secondly, *gestures* yeah fr fr! I don't even... I just need to listen to this over and over and have it burned into my mind please :3.

Yeah, well, wow! Yeah! For real for real, this is just like 111, I'm discovering a new love for this statement, I need to make a new "holy shit tma" playlist because. Wow. Wow! Mhm hm! WOw!!! Uhh, well, uhm.

Your most humble servant,

landscaping-your-mind

[miku-life-tips]

Hhhh there's a song that I cannot find or remember any lyrics for but it had a story to it which was like in pov of a bystander who witnessed a hostage/murder stand off with the police in a hotel? And I Think felt bad because he didn't help and it ended poorly

I usually listen to obscure songs too but I just went through my playlist of over 2000 songs and couldn't find it ;-;

[attourney-at-lycan]

literally no single male character is safe from jess fucking views on romance.

it’s so fucking illogical how kai and aphmau were like such good friends but then when he rejects her it has to be because HE’S the bad guy.

not because he just doesn’t find it in him to be in a romantic relationship with her.

but because we have to make the audience hate the one who does the rejection.

i don’t wna make it seem like im psychoanalyzing jess but you can see how she views irl shit like this in her writing so bad. aphmau cannot find it in her reject anyone bc she doesn’t want to be hated but when it comes to someone rejecting her that immediately means they hate her. as someone who’s so fucking sensitive to rejection, i can relate so hard but it’s so FRUSTRATING.

you can see this in mcd, where she’s so ambiguous with garroth and laurance. she KNOWS these two are literally going to kill each other over her but she doesn’t say “stop.” she doesn’t say “no, i will not choose.” because she doesn’t want to hurt their feelings. and bc she’d rather go a different way, she runs to aaron, and in the process she would rather avoid conflict than directly face them.

in pdh she does the samE THING. she doesn’t tell the other two about the NONCONSENSUAL kisses from the other two. instead gene comes along to keep aphmau from facing her problems, but when the other two are pissed off for her not telling and rIGHTFULLY SO (but also once again the kiss thing is fucked), guess who she runs off to and guess who are seen as the bad guys for being pissed at her.

it’s so- hhhh maybe im seeing this all wrong through my warped memory of the shows and projecting myself onto what i’ve seen

but yeah 🧍

[apompkwrites]

literally screaming and crying rn

came back from school to find that you had done another Lil Rose part and I am so happy rn

you have been spoiling us this past week and I am okay with that

TREY POV TREY POV

Like Trey being excited to be able to potentially help Lil Rose before that gets crushed by their apathetic nature and then the utter confusion when Riddle says that their mother would be proud of them

IT'S JUST ALL SO SDSDFGASDFASGD

hhhhhhhhhhh I now cannot stop thinking about a possibility where Lil Rose, being deprived of genuine attention/affection for so long, slowly becoming attached to Trey and just unconsciously seeking his presence out whenever they feel lonely because he's become such a constant in their life and a person they look forward to be around and they just don't know how to communicate that and and hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH screaming crying it's so cute ueueueue *sounds of crying*

hehe lil rose and trey :D

mmm i had a lot of fun writing trey? just cause i really like the idea of him, at least initially, helping lil rose for his own satisfaction regarding the rosehearts family.

but hhhh just lil rose liking being around trey because he talks to them with no expectations (that they can see or hear) but not knowing what they're actually feeling? like, they just know they feel different around him but they just can't identify what it is :O