#i cannot spend this much money but good lord i want to

[taylor-titmouse]

hey i want to talk about how you should be promoting your work as an erotic author/illustrator

i'm writing this up because the marketing aspect of my work as an erotic author/illustrator is a science to me, and also because i'm the guy who gets unreasonably annoyed when i see other creators not properly advertising their work. you presumably want to make money off your work. this post will be written under the assumption you want to make money off your work but are doing a bad job at it. it will be very confrontational. if you read this and feel attacked you're right and i am attacking you.

this is geared toward selling erotic comics/writing/books/art as products. i will probably write more than one post about this subject so if i didn't touch on something you want to know more about, comment/send me an ask and i'll keep it in mind for the next one.

i will start with my first and least specific but most important point:

DON'T GET FUCKING CUTE

hi are you paying attention. i'm gripping you by the sides of your face. do not get fucking cute with what you are trying to sell. you are not a big enough property to get cute, nobody LIKES it when big properties get cute, and you are selling porn. you have to own this. you have to be up front about this. don't be tongue in cheek, don't be all teehee i wonder what this could be~, don't be secretive. you are selling a product. you have to fucking act like it. you are an adult selling pornography to other adults. i am GRIPPING your HEAD you NEED to understand this.

and to be clear when i say 'cute' i mean coy. i don't mean cutesy, as in the aesthetic. you can be as hello kitty pastel ten emojis a post uwu as you like when you're building your audience and generating hype. but when you start trying to sell, don't be vague, don't be sarcastic, don't mislabel your work as a joke and assume everyone is on it. because they're not.

you must always assume 75% of the people seeing the thing you are advertising have no fucking idea who you are. and that includes a huge chunk of the people who already follow you. they do not know who you are or what you've been working on for two months or why they should care about it. they just got here. somebody just reposted it. they are seeing it for the first time. most people are only looking at social media for a tiny chunk of their day. they are not keeping up with you. you cannot get cute about what you are trying to sell because nobody knows what it is until you tell them.

okay are you still with me. we are going to talk about clarity now.

YOU GOTTA TELL ME WHAT IT IS

good lord the amount of times i have gone to buy somebody's comic or book and had no idea what's actually in it or what it's about. who are the characters? why should i care about them? what do they do in it? what is the premise of this thing you want me to spend $5 on? why would you not tell me? i'm shaking you again. please i have to know what i'm buying i only have so much money to spend on porn.

porn, arguably more than any other genre, relies on knowing exactly what is in it. you do not want to surprise your readers with a kink they were unaware of! and on the flip side, you do not want to miss out on your target audience! if your book contains a hot spider babe laying eggs in an elf, you have to say so. not just so people who don't want to read about eggs know it isn't for them, but so the people who are egg crazy can see that and go "oh fuck YES i love EGGS here is my $5 and an extra $2 tip for catering to me specifically". a contents/features list is as much an advertisement as it is a warning!

as for re: who the characters are and why should i care, i'm sorry but you need to learn how to write sales copy. you have to write blurbs. you have to get good at the shit that goes on the back of a book. we all hate it but we have to do it. i want to know who the characters are and what the context is. i, personally, am not interested in contemporary stories as much as fantasy and historical. please tell me what genre this porn exists in so i know if it aesthetically appeals to me. pull some books off your shelves and see how they do it. hell man go look at mine.

while you're there, note that every single book of mine has a sample of what's in it. this feels like such a no-brainer to me but again! the amount of times i have gone to buy somebody's work and they don't show me what their work looks like! you gotta give me the first page or two! just enough that i know if i like the way your writing sounds, or the way you draw your comics! i don't know you! i am not going to trust that you're good at what you do just based on a cover. the cover is to get me to this step, it is not the only step. you have to show me that you're worth spending my money on!

to put it less cynically, you want to catch my interest. you want me to go 'oh i want to see more of this', you want me to go 'ahh i want to know where this goes!' you need to get me invested and craving more. earn my $5!!!

YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT EASY TO GIVE YOU MONEY

hey go look at your bio right now. go look at your pinned post. do you have a link to your patreon there? do you have a link to your itchio/gumroad/whatever? do i have to click more than once to get to the places you want me to go to give you money? why? why are you making me click twice? have we learned nothing from every website making you click an extra time when they make some stupid UI update and how much it pisses us off? i have already given up, i have forgotten you, i am not giving you my $5 today. put your links in the easiest places to get to them.

god literally as i was writing this post i went to go find somebody's itchio to see how they described their work and it was not anywhere on their profile. grabbing you and shaking you PUT THE LINK WHERE I CAN FIND IT. don't make it hard! make it easy! i am a dickhead sitting on the toilet scrolling, saw your post, and was interested enough to read further. but you made me go to your bio to find your linktree and oops i have already gone back to my timeline to look at the boobies in the next post. stop wasting precious bio space on DNIs and put your fuckin links there!!!

this is more for the twitter people, but: just put the link in the damn post. just say the word commission. just say it's for patreon. "wuh wuh the algorithm" it is not the damn algorithm it's that everybody hates advertising and nobody wants to retweet ads. putting slashes in the words doesn't do anything and you look like a fool. i have posted so much art that says it's 'a commission for ___" and it did exactly as good as any other art despite having the word commission in it. and by doing the slashes you just made it impossible for anybody to search your account for your commission information (which should be at the VERY LEAST in a post under your pinned tweet if you're not actively posting about them being open).

okay that went on a tangent i'm going to back to the point of putting the link in the tweet. put it in the first post. not in the first reply. don't tell them to go to your bio. put it in the post people are actually going to share. it's fine to put more information in the thread but people are only ever going to share the first post. so put the link there. you have to make it easy. putting links in tweets can hurt you algorithmically, even in the replies. so you're better off having it in the post that actually gets seen and shared. i don't want to open the tweet and scroll to get to your sales page where i ASSUME you will have put all the information anyway. put it in the tweet that just got retweeted by itself onto my dash!

also you have to share it a ton of times. i repost my shit every few hours when i'm trying to push a new product. as i said before people are not 24/7 looking at their timelines. they missed it the first time. they missed it the second time. they didn't get paid yet that week but they were after the eighth time and you reminded them again so they finally bought it. that i will still get sales every time i repost a book ad weeks after release says there are always people who missed it, or who only just showed up.

abandon your pride and shill. shills pay their bills. anyone who gets annoyed about it isn't giving you money in the first place. don't worry about looking like a sell out. don't apologize for plugging your own work. post about it often, post about it in different ways. post about it. post about it. you are not going to make money if people don't know you have something to sell them. if you want to make a career out of it, you need to act like it.

I DON'T HAVE A FOURTH POINT

kisses your forehead. i'm sorry for yelling at you. i've been making and publishing and selling adult art for the past two-three years and have got myself to the point where it pays my rent, and i got there by paying attention to what does and does not work.

please do your best to make money. i want you to make money.

as i said above i plan to write more posts on this subject, such as cover design, how to actually write sales copy, and best practices with running a patreon, but if there's things you would want to hear more about leave a comment or send an ask! i will probably be less aggressive on future topics. these are just things that have grinded my gears for a grip.

[bookshelfdreams]

ofmd wasn't "profitable" enough but I didn't even get the feeling hbo wanted to make money off of it. They didn't promote it when s1 dropped, and the promo for s2 was erratic at best. They don't sell merch. Or physical copies. There's no bts documentaries other than what actors (shoutout to Samba ilu) make themselves in their spare time.

It took more than a full year for me to be able to watch s1 legally! I still can't access s2 legally anywhere! It's not that ofmd is unprofitable, it's that hbo refuses to profit off of it, because - well, because profiting off of it would mean investing work and money into it.

And like. Of course, when you compare it to the juggernauts hbo holds rights to, like GoT, ofmd is small fishes. But.

How on earth do these clowns think cult classics happen?

A Game of Thrones was first published in 1996 and didn't make it on the NYT beststeller list until 2011. The first edition of the first Harry Potter book was 500 pieces. And yeah, TV shows are different, but if you look at today's media landscape, would things like Star Trek, or Buffy, or Doctor Who stand the slightest chance? These things take time, is my point. A piece of media doesn't become a massively profitable, beloved classic over night. It takes time and effort to build that kind of franchise.

And the thing is! Nobody who makes these decisions even likes stories. I'm convinced that whoever is in charge at hbo, at amazon prime, even at disney, thinks storytelling is dumb and for idiots. They think it's enough to just slap the name of something people love on whatever garbage they spit out, for it to be profitable. They think it's the brand that sells: Look this has "Lord of the Rings" on it! Look, this one has "Game of Thrones", you like Game of Thrones don't you? Watch my show, boy.

But this isn't how this works. It's not the name that sells (unless, I suppose, you're the MCU, and even there one gets the impression the trick is finally stopping to work), especially not when the product is bad. People aren't idiots.

But it's not about making something good. It's not about making a meaningful piece of art, or telling an engaging story. ofmd served its purpose; it drew in all the subscribers it ever would, so there's no point in letting it go on. Even in the s2 that we did get, this is evident: the penny pinching is palpable, it's clear that the studio didn't want to spend any more money than absolutely necessary on it, and then cut the budget by 40%.

It's not about art. It never has been.

And it's not even about profit, because to be profitable eventually, stories have to be allowed to thrive first. You tell a good story first, and success happens later, often much, much later.

And ofmd was incredibly, astonishingly successful. It was the most in-demand series for weeks after the s1 finale. But even that wasn't enough, it's never enough, ofmd could have made record-setting profits and it still would have been cancelled, because -

Well, I don't know. Because we live in a bad time for art. Because Orwell was right, and stories have become commodities, like shoelaces. Because. Well. It's not about telling a story, is it?

What's the point of a story? What's the point of making something for the joy of making it? What's the point of a piece of art, existing, if it cannot be transferred into numbers for the stockholders?

idk how to end this. I hope David Jenkins finishes the story he wanted to tell, even if just for himself. I hope, against all odds, that weird, fun, heartfelt, beautiful little stories like ofmd continue to happen.

But goddammit.

[seiya-starsniper]

For Fluffy February 15 Dreamling

SOMEHOW, I managed to finish this before February ending 🤣🤣

Enjoy the shamless fluff anon!

Fluffbruary Prompt List || AO3 Link Here

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“Oh! Let’s look at this stall, Hob!”

Morpheus looks up from his crafting table and is met with the sight of a couple in their early thirties approaching his shop. Or rather, the woman is dragging her partner towards his shop. Morpheus thinks he recognizes her, a thought that is later confirmed as he slowly recognizes the various pieces of her outfit from other vendors on the fairgrounds. She’s adorned in one of Lucienne’s gorgeous handmade corsets, and Morpheus is pretty certain her peasant blouse and skirt are from Matthew and Jessamy’s pirate themed shop. The flower crown expertly woven into her bright blonde hair confirms that the woman is definitely a dedicated attendee. One with plenty of money to spend.

Her partner though, he’s wearing a rented costume so Morpheus thinks it’s probably his first time here. She did call him Hob though. How period accurate for the Renaissance Faire. 

“Good morrow my friends,” Morpheus greets them, falling easily into his shopkeeper persona. “How may I assist the Lord and Lady today?” The woman giggles at being addressed as a lady. 

“I’ve heard,” she stage-whispers, holding her hand up to her cheek, “that you are the best jeweler in all the lands, good sir.” Her face is full of delight as she says this, and Morpheus cannot help but play along. 

“I dare say you have heard the truth m’lady,” Morpheus answers with his own conspiratorial smile. “Shall I show you my collection of wares?” he asks, gesturing to the glass display case just underneath his hands. The woman squeals in delight.

“Oh Hob, they’re so beautiful!” she croons as she dips her head to look at the jewelry displayed inside. She points at a few items she’s interested in, some necklaces, bracelets, and earrings, but decidedly foregoes the rings. Interesting. 

“Did you hand make all of these yourself?” the woman asks as she and Hob try on a matching set of Celtic knot necklaces.

“Aye, milady,” Morpheus answers. “We can also customize any piece, and also resize, if needed,” he adds. 

“Pretty handy,” the man, Hob, says, finally joining the conversation. He smiles at Morpheus, who feels his face grow warm at the compliment.

Though he hadn’t paid attention to the man as much as the woman when they’d first entered the shop, upon closer inspection, Morpheus realizes that Hob is quite attractive. He was maybe an inch or two taller than Morpheus, with broad shoulders and muscled thighs that were clearly on display in his rented Faire outfit. His chin-length brown hair framed a kind face with thick brows and a full mouth that looked like it had been built for laughing.

And oh, that smile. Hob smiled with his entire face, creasing his brows, eyes, cheeks, and mouth all at once as he appreciates the look of Morpheus’s work around his neck in the mirror. It makes Morpheus’s fingers itch. He wants to dress this man in the finest jewelry he could craft. He wants that smile, that radiance, that warmth, to be directed at Morpheus instead of the woman he’d come here with, even though she’d done nothing to deserve such a fate. But Morpheus has never been looked at the way Hob looks at his girlfriend. He’s rather certain he hasn’t seen many men look at any of their partners that way. It tugs at Morpheus’s freshly broken heart, and he has to force himself to refocus his attention on her instead of her partner, who seemed to have his own gravitational pull.

They eventually leave with the matching necklaces, and the woman, Eleanor, signs up for his mailing list, promising to buy more jewelry on his website. Morpheus believes her too. In addition to the necklaces, she’d bought a set of earrings and bracelets for herself, insisting that Hob not pay for her purchase. Her independence makes Morpheus smile, despite his jealousy. He wonders if next year, he might convince them to upgrade to the engagement, or even the wedding bands. 

Morpheus forgets all about the couple by the end of the day, but he feels a sense of melancholy and longing that he cannot quite explain as he packs up his shop for the night. He wonders if maybe he should take up Matthew and Jessamy’s offer for drinks tonight. If only to break out of his monotonous routine. 

It wasn’t like there was anyone waiting at home for him anymore, after all.

Morpheus doesn’t recognize Hob at first when the man wanders into his shop a year later with a rowdy group of friends. They’re all clearly drunk, and Morpheus is curious as to what about his shop could have possibly caught this group’s eye.

But then he sees the Celtic knot hanging from Hob’s neck, resting on a very hairy chest, and recognition dawns on Morpheus.

“I’d recognize that pendant and chain anywhere,” Morpheus greets with a smile, which causes a rowdy set of encouraging shouts and playful ribbing to erupt from the group. 

“You do, do you?” Hob asks, his words only a little bit slurred as he smiles at Morpheus, a tankard of what smells like mead and beer in his hand.

“I do,” Morpheus answers with his own smile. “But it seems to be missing its partner. Tell me, where is the Lady this lovely afternoon?”

Morpheus knows immediately he’s asked the wrong thing when Hob’s face falls.

“Oy mate, don’t bring up the man’s ex like that!” one of Hob’s friends scolds Morpheus, which makes Morpheus wince. A small chorus of boos erupts from the group as well.

“Ignore them,” Hob says, waving at his friends to shut up. “They mean well but I walked in here wearing one half of a set, it only makes sense you’d ask.”

“Still,” Morpheus insists. “I’m sorry about—er—” Morpheus is horrified to realize he has completely forgotten the woman’s name. 

“Hah!” Hob laughs, clearly amused rather than offended. “Her name was Eleanor. I’m Hob by the way.”

“I know,” Morpheus says, then winces again. 

“Do you, now?” Hob asks, with a cheeky grin. He places his tankard of unknown alcohol on Morpheus’s display case and then leans on it. “You remember my name, but not Eleanor’s?”

“She called you by name multiple times, and Hob isn’t exactly the most common of names used when taking on a Faire persona,” Morpheus says, hoping that his explanation doesn’t sound nearly half as creepy as he feels.

“I know, that’s why I picked it,” Hob grins. “I do use it outside of here too, you know.”

“You do not,” Morpheus replies, aghast. What man in his right mind would willingly go by the name Hob and risk endless jokes on doorknobs and stoves?

“I do,” Hob says with a wink before he bows dramatically. “Professor Hob Gadling of the Medieval Studies Department of XX University, at your service, my good sir.”

“Oy Hobsie, stop showing off!” one of Hob’s friends calls from a different part of the shop. Morpheus hadn’t even noticed they’d dispersed to look around, he had been so entranced by Hob’s reappearance.

“Yeah, are you buying anything? You’re the one that wanted to come here!”

“Ah, is the good sir looking for something new?” Morpheus asks, slipping back into character, and hoping to hide his embarrassment. “Mayhaps something to help ease a broken heart?”

“Something like that,” Hob answers, sheepishly, his fingers fiddling with his right ear. Morpheus tries to show how entranced he is by the motion. “Listen I was wondering if—uh—well, you know—if there was time—”

“He wants to know if you’re single and ready to mingle!” one of Hob’s friends shouts, followed by a loud chorus of agreement. “And if you’re into men!” another one adds. 

“What the flying fuck Davey!” Hob turns and shouts at his friends, who all laugh and raise their glasses to a toast. 

“Get your man Hobsie, so we can keep getting drunk!”

Hob groans and hides his face in his hands, muttering something about ‘worst wingmen ever’ and Morpheus cannot help it. He bursts into laughter, and has to clutch at the cash register behind him for support.

“I don’t suppose we can forget this whole thing ever happened?” Hob asks, once Morpheus has caught his breath. His face is red with embarrassment, and Morpheus wonders if the man blushes so prettily on other parts of his body as well. 

“I’m afraid not,” Morpheus answers, shaking his head solemnly. “But my evening is available after the Faire closes tonight,” he adds with a wry smile.

Hob’s entire body perks up immediately. “Seriously? You’re interested?”

“As long as you intend for us to be alone,” Morpheus answers, his eyes falling to Hob’s posse behind him. 

“Abso-fucking-lutely!” Hob exclaims, nodding eagerly. Morpheus cannot help but smile as Hob’s friends continue to tease him while they exchange contact information and make plans to meet outside the Faire grounds later. He even manages to make a few sales from the group. Morpheus wishes Hob could stay longer and that they could talk more, but the post-lunch crowd that spills into the shop dashes those plans for now. 

Hob doesn’t miss an opportunity to show off again though. He takes Morpheus’s hand and kisses it, bowing deeply, and causing the rest of the shop to coo and cheer at the romantic display.

“I shall miss you dearly, beloved, until we next meet again,” Hob declares loudly as he exits the shop with his friends.

“You’re seeing him tonight you dingbat!” Morpheus hears one of his friends laugh.

After the post-lunch crowd leaves, Morpheus sits at his crafting table, looking over his in-progress projects, and wonders if custom jewelry is a bit too much for a first date. Hob had worn the Celtic knot necklace though, and it was clear he needed a replacement.

Rubies, Morpheus decides. Hob would look good in rubies. Morpheus readjusts the setup of his table and gets to work, mentally counting down the minutes until he’d be able to see Hob’s smiling face again.

[undyingghoul]

Valentine's Ghoul/Ghoulette Headcanons

Hey, look, content! I am so tired and cannot think at all but I am doing this anyway. happy early valentine's day you guys, i hope it's good for you all <3 ~~~~~~~~~ Dewdrop- He won't let anyone know he enjoys it, not even his dear valentine. He's secretly very into the holiday but lucifer forbid he let it show in an obvious way. Flowers? Nah, he'll give you a nice bouquet of nothing. Chocolates? Overrated, overdone. He hisses at even the thought of giving them to his valentine. There will be a nice card though, entirely handmade. He'll also make a coupon booklet... Except it's not entirely hugs and kisses, if you catch that drift, but those are included for the sake of fluff and wholesome purposes. He's a sucker for that secretly too. He won't do a fancy smancy dinner, but rather get a takeout dinner of your choice (he'll ignore Swiss puppy dog eyeing it and whining for some from the kitchen entirely by the way). Overall, he has his own special way of celebrating, but he still makes an effort for it to be as perfect as possible.

Mountain- Flowers. Right off the bat. The minute he sees his valentine? A nice bouquet of flowers tailored just for them in a fancy vase. He'd also get you a small basket filled with your favorite snacks, drinks, small items, and a card. Mountain is very traditional when it comes to this holiday but he wouldn't have it any other way. He'd spend the entire day by their side, doing what they want when they want, how they want. He'd end the day with a nice candlelit dinner in the greenhouse with your chosen dinner he cooked just for his valentine. And of course some snuggles and cuddles. That is a must you know.

Rain: The lake is the hit spot for Valentine's day. Rain planned out an entire day at the lake, getting Dew in on the fun by helping keep things warm if it gets too cold. Dew agreed to help because he knew how much Rain was worried about this day. He wanted to help Rain have it be as smooth as possible. Rain also may or may not have gotten help from Mountain in decorating the lake with pretty plants. And the picnic on the dock was just amazing even though Rain fell into the lake at one point from tripping over his tail. Perhaps he was a soggy boy, but a happy soggy boy.

Swiss: At first Swiss didn't know what to do. Everyone else had grand ideas, but then he remembered how busy the local shops were this time of year. It was almost like the universe wanted this to happen. He took his valentine to the shops with maybe too much money, but what better way to spend than spending it on someone you love and cherish, right? He bought some cupcakes, cookies, and brownies to share, salty and savory things, and way too many physical items. That one wrap he had at an American food stand really hit the spot for him though. After the day was done he came back with his valentine carrying so many bags Phantom nearly passed out from laughter- apparently, he looked a bit ridiculous to the young quintessence ghoul with the amount of bags, a furiously wagging tail, and a stupid grin on his face. But it was all worth it in the end.

Phantom: Oh LORD did he go above and beyond. When he found out this holiday was a thing he maybe got excited. Too excited. He may have collapsed from dizziness from how excited and riled he was. After Aether forced him to chill out for a bit he sprung into action, prepping everything for his valentine. Outfits, dinner, things to do- He had it all planned. He picked a nice outfit for him and brought his valentine to a local clothing store to get some clothes they wanted. After that, he spent time with them at the small library. He had somehow convinced the library to let him rent it for the day and he had used one of the corners to set up a cozy little nest area to read, chat, and snack in. He read books to his valentine, ones he knew they'd been meaning to read, and just soaked in the calming aura and presence. A nap was in order for a few hours but afterwards Phantom cleaned up their corner and took his valentine back to the Abbey for a nice dinner in the dens (it took some convincing but had the ghoulettes back him up to get it cleared for an hour or two). Needless to say he was in bed with his valentine and sound asleep before the rest of his pack came back.

Aether: He kept it on the down low. He didn't go above and beyond but didn't make it a sad holiday either. A card, a thoughtful and colorful flower bouquet, a small thing of candy and chocolates, and an adorable stuffed animal. He spent the day with his valentine entirely, watching cheesy romance movies, feeding them some chocolate snuggling up to his valentine under a nice cozy blanket, and ending with a nice pasta dinner. Though the day was not very busy it was still enjoyable and a good day. Cumulus: This ghoulette was prancing around in joy when she woke up. She fluffed up her hair all nice, put cute bows and ribbons in it, dressed in a nice casual yet alluring outfit, and sprayed some perfume on her. When she saw her valentine she was over the moon. Greeting them with a hug and a kiss on the cheek she quickly pulled them out to the gardens for a nice, slow walk. Talking, laughing, playful smacks and shoves- Oh how she loved it. Seeing her valentine smile and laugh made her purr and tail wag. She picked berries earlier from the fridge and brought them on the walk, sharing them and basking in the wonderful taste. It wasn't long before one naughty joke was made about that wonderful taste that had her cackling. At the end of the day she made a thoughtful dinner of all her valentine's favorites, along with some fruit on the side and a nice cold glass of soda. Cirrus: She made little puffball clouds for her valentine in the shapes of hearts as they woke up that morning. With a giggle escaping her she led her valentine to wonderful breakfast variety, filled with many options of sweet, salty, and savory. After a filling breakfast she took her valentine to the rooftops and made the clouds dance in the sky as the sun rose. The clouds reflected the colors: oranges, yellows, reds, purples, and pinks all seeming to mix into the clouds as they danced. She moved a cloud or five around her valentine slowly, letting it grace their skin to feel the cool sensation. After puffing the clouds back into place in the sky she just enjoyed time on the rooftop and its view with her valentine, talking about anything and everything until night hit and it was time to eat some dinner. Something easy was made that night but it was a very calming way to end the day.

Sunshine & Aurora: These two tag teamed it. Sunshine was experienced, and Aurora was beyond nervous. Sunshine agreed to help the new ghoulette traverse this holiday. Guiding Aurora carefully while her valentine was so incredibly patient and understanding, Sunshine couldn't help but smile. After some time Aurora became more comfortable and relaxed, easing into the holiday slowly. She paired with Sunshine to help put on a small show of fire and water with a touch of air. Sunshine swirled fire streaks through Aurora's clouds and through the center rings of water, letting the gentle burning fire swirl around her valentine. In the middle of the day it was declared by Aurora that she would share her valentine with Sunshine because she didn't want her to feel left out. Sunshine puffed a plume of smoke from her nose in excitement. The trio spent the day doing whatever they could find, even some arts and crafts that turned out to be an absolute blast. To end the day, Sunshine fried some fish in a pan and served some rice to go with it. Aurora added a small salad bowl and a fruit bowl into the mix. It was a delicious dinner and the best way to end the holiday.

[atlabeth]

(not so) simple p1 - anthony bridgerton

pt2 pt3 pt4

summary: coercing lord bridgerton into pretending to court you to avoid the affections of a baron is very simple — that is, until it isn't.

a/n: she's finally here!! the long ass anthony fic that i've been talking about for like three months lmao. as much as i wanted to release this all as one fic it became way too long and oh my god i just wanted to post something for it after writing for months. but here u go the first part of a few i hope you enjoy

wc: 10k

warning(s): reader is a little insensitive, mentions of issues getting pregnant, unwanted advances/gross men, historical inaccuracies

“No.”

“Darling—”

“No!” you protested once more, turning away from the mirror to face her. “Mother, you cannot be serious—”

“My dear, can you at least try to see things my way?” Your mother took a step back from you to admire the fit of your dress before she looked back at you. “Lord Cardew is an excellent match; he has a beautiful estate, incredibly vast wealth — for goodness sake, he is a baron! And he is interested in you.”

“He is a complete lecher,” you snapped. “I’d sooner die than accept even the slightest nicety from him.”

This kind of conversation had been going on between you and your mother ever since your debut the past week — you were no diamond, but you were no disaster either; you were as you’d always been, perfectly content with being perfectly average. But despite your lackluster introduction, you’d somehow managed to earn the attention of Baron Jonathan Cardew. An illustrious man with more wealth than you had ever experienced, your mother nearly fainted when he approached you after your debut and requested a dance. 

It would have been a blessing of the highest order had he been fifteen years younger, capable of basic decency, and you wanted to be married in the first place. 

Unfortunately, none of those were true, and after spending a waltz with him where you were more occupied with denying his advances than truly dancing, you became aware of the reason he flaunted his money so often — it was the only way to cover up how awful he was. But your mother was more taken with him than you were, insisting you follow through on his interest. Therefore, you were stuck in quite the unfavorable situation. 

“That kind of mouth is why you can never keep a suitor,” she berated, turning you around to continue fussing with your hair. “Oh, I know it is disappointing to be unable to marry for love, but this is what you are meant for. You are the crown jewel of our family, my dear — do not throw it away on one of your many whims!”

“This is not a whim, mother!” You pulled away from her once again and stalked across the room in frustration, your arms crossed against your chest as you gazed out the window. “You have known for years that I have never wanted to marry.”

“And you have known for years that it is your duty!” she exclaimed. “Would you so readily allow our name to fall into ruin over something so simple?”

“Marriage is not at all simple!” you retorted, wholly exasperated. “I do not think I am at all unreasonable to reject a union with someone I despise.”

“You are unreasonable,” she insisted. “Your father and I have tried our best to raise you into the finest woman we could. My dear, you are beautiful, kind, creative; you are wonderful in so many ways, and perfectly eligible — if it wasn’t for your ridiculous notions, you would have suitors lining up outside our door!”

“It is not my fault that I am the only one here for you to marry off!” you shouted, aware that you were touching a nerve but too enraged to care. “I do not exist simply for you to dress me up and pass off to a man before society deems me unacceptable. You know who I am, and you should know that you cannot change me. If you wanted a daughter to give you heirs without complaint, you should’ve tried harder to secure your lineage than thrusting the responsibility onto me.”

You saw your mother’s jaw clench, and you felt the slightest pang of guilt. “Do not take that tone with me, young lady. We have tried more times than you know, and your father and I have worked harder than you could ever imagine building this life. The very least you can do is help us keep it.”

“You would rather I be miserable with a horrible man as long as your fortune and good name are ensured,” you accused, and you raised your skirt up as you crossed over to the door. You opened it with one hand and turned to her as you stood in the doorframe. “I will be back in time for Lady Danbury’s ball tonight, and I will participate in the social season to keep up appearances. But I will not seek out suitors, and I will not become any man’s wife — least of all Lord Cardew.”

Before your mother could protest any further, you shut the door behind you. You hurried through the halls of your estate as quickly as you could, armed with the intent of airing your grievances to the only other person in all of England who understood you. 

-

“Lord Cardew?” Eloise scoffed as she set down her book. “I will never understand the men of the ton, going after women that could be their daughters.”

“You as much as I,” you sighed as you settled onto the couch next to her. “I just wish my mother wasn’t so intent on forcing us together. She is so blinded by title that she cannot see how awful he is— how awful we would be together.”

“Daphne had to deal with the same thing during her debut, a man of the same awful sort named Lord Berbrooke.” Eloise grimaced but then looked at you innocently. “She dealt with him with some well-deserved violence. I suggest you try her methods.” 

“Eloise!” you gasped with mock horror at the suggestion. “You cannot say those things to me. You know I will go through with it if given the chance.” 

“As you very well should!” she responded with a laugh. “Have you thought about running away?” You had to stifle your laughter at the question and she rolled her eyes. “It is a serious question! The way you tell it, you would all but be disowned if you go against your mother’s wishes. Disappearing might just be a better plan.”

“I must admit that I have,” you responded, “but I could never follow through with it. As much as she frustrates me at times, I do love my mother. She truly wants what is best for me, it is just that she has no idea what that is.”

“Sometimes I wish I could just escape to the country,” Eloise said, looking at you with a smile. “I would take you with me, and we would not have to deal with society’s demands; no men, no marriages, and everything we’ve ever wanted that has been locked away from us by virtue.”

“That sounds lovely,” you mused, laying your head against the cushions. “Able to simply walk about instead of promenading with a suitor, able to hitch our skirts and run as far and long as we can, able to read every book we can get our hands on, to be more than just another lady — it all sounds so perfect.” You glanced at her out of the corner of your eye. “But I thought you wanted to go to university.”

“Oh, you know I do,” she sighed. “If my half-brained brother can attend Oxford then I believe I am fully capable of doing the same. But a miracle would have to occur for them to suddenly allow my enrollment.”

“If there is anyone in England who deserves the privilege, it is you.”

Eloise beamed at you and you offered a smile of your own, though the moment was interrupted by the door being pushed open along with a demanding voice you had grown accustomed to over the years.

“Eloise, have you seen my quill?”

You looked up at the appearance and bit back a smile at the sight of the viscount — you were familiar with Anthony, having been friends with Eloise for so long, but he never seemed to appreciate your presence. His annoyance simply made it all the more fun to tease him. 

“No, Anthony,” Eloise answered, “but have you tried your own desk? It seems far more likely to be there than in the drawing room the day I have a visitor. You are not as sly as you think, brother.”

It was then he seemed to notice you, whether by design or truth. “If it isn’t Miss Worthing,” Anthony said as he breezed across the room, offering nothing more than a passing glance at you. “I must ask, are you ever seen on your own estate, or have you decided to permanently establish yourself here?” 

“It is quite funny that you ask, Anthony,” you started with a smile. “I have started moving more and more of my possessions here with every visit to Eloise — I believe it will only be a month more until I am fully settled at the Bridgerton estate.” 

He hummed, wholly unamused as he rustled through the contents of the drawer across from the two of you. “I think it best for you to remain on your own grounds, lest you never leave again. I also think it best you refer to me as Lord Bridgerton — we are hardly close enough to warrant anything less.” 

“Brother,” Eloise sighed, rolling her eyes in apology as she glanced at you, “must you insult my closest friend? There is no need for formalities in our own time.” 

“It is not an insult, Eloise,” Anthony insisted. “Your closest friend has just debuted — it would do her some good to learn proper manners before the season gets too far along.” 

“Well, Lord Bridgerton,” you made sure to enunciate his title, which only served to earn you another unamused look, “I very much appreciate your concerns, but they are not needed. I do not intend to marry this season.” 

“My advice should not be taken lightly.” Anthony made a triumphant noise as he found what he was looking for, the aforementioned quill, then turned his attention back to you. “I have been the man of the house for longer than you know, Miss Worthing, and I guided my sister through an extremely successful season. I consider myself an expert on such affairs; it would do you well to listen to someone else for once in your life.”

You raised your eyebrows. “Do correct me if I am mistaken, but I believe that the man Daphne chose to marry was the one suitor you were intent on keeping her away from. Wasn’t it once you finally stepped back for a moment, she truly began to flourish as the diamond?” 

“You certainly have an interesting memory, Miss Worthing,” Anthony said, restraint clear in his voice. “I am sure that you attract many suitors acting like this.” 

“I don’t attract many,” you confirmed with a smile, “which is rather fortunate, seeing as I don’t plan to marry.” 

“As you’ve already said,” he noted. “An interesting plan, I admit. I cannot imagine your mother is too happy about it.”

“I cannot imagine why you would care so much about her prospects,” Eloise mused. “I would assume your hands are quite full with our family alone. You air your grievances enough just at the idea of my own debut.”  

“It is because she is a bad influence on you, Eloise. Your debut has already been delayed once, and if you continue to spend time around her it will surely happen again.” Anthony then turned to you and gave you a pointed look. “In fact, I believe it is time for you to go, Miss Worthing, if you wish to make it back to your estate in time for Lady Danbury’s ball.”

“How kind of you to remind me,” you said dryly as you stood up from the couch. Eloise stood as well and the two of you embraced, and she placed her hands on your shoulders when you separated.

“I’ll see you tonight?” she asked, and she glanced back at Anthony. “My dearest friend, who is in no way a bad influence?” 

You nodded with a laugh. “Of course. I wager I will need someone to accompany me as I find my true calling as a wallflower.”

“It would do you well to change your attitude,” Anthony interrupted, and you responded by rolling your eyes at Eloise as she stifled her own laugh. “You are hardly two and twenty, Miss Worthing. You should not want to throw away your potential so soon.”

“Once again, I appreciate your concerns, but your worries are unnecessary.” You raised an eyebrow. “If you are so intent on my becoming a true lady, perhaps you should take matters into your own hands and court me.”

“Ah, yes. My younger sister’s closest friend; the most desirable lady of the season.” Anthony gestured towards the door in lieu of explaining his sarcasm further. You just smiled. 

“I will see you tonight, Eloise,” you repeated as you started walking. “I look forward to your latest conversation.”

“I am sure my material is far more interesting than any suitor you may happen across,” Eloise reassured. “Including Lord Cardew.”

“You may be my savior yet,” you grinned. As you reached the door you bowed your head to Eloise, and then turned to Anthony and lifted your skirts up in a slight curtsy. “Lord Bridgerton.”

“Miss Worthing,” he responded in kind, offering the same tight-lipped smile as always. 

As Anthony closed the door behind you, Eloise fell back onto the sofa with an exasperated sigh. “Why do you treat her so, brother? Now that my dear Penelope has truly set off into society to find a match, she is the only one that shares my sentiments about our fates. I understand I might not be able to avoid it, but you should at least allow me this much.” 

“She is nothing but trouble,” Anthony responded as he crossed his arms behind his back. “It is in her best interest to find a husband as soon as possible, and yet she resists it with all her might. I should only imagine the kinds of things she is putting into your mind. Are you aware that she has been spotted in the heart of London attending rallies more boisterous than even you could handle?” 

“Truly?” she asked, her eyes lighting up with enthusiasm. “Oh, I must insist she bring me to her next one!”

“That is not my—” Anthony rubbed his forehead with a sigh. “You are just as impossible as her, are you aware?” 

Eloise grinned. “Now that is a compliment.” 

-

Lady Danbury’s ball was shaping up to be as dreadful as you had imagined. 

Your initial plans of blending in with the wallpaper as you watched from afar and enjoyed the music were foiled almost as soon as you had arrived — you faulted the gems embedded into your dress, insisted upon by your mother — for no sooner had you stepped foot into the main hall did the baron approach you.

“Lady Worthing, Miss Worthing,” he greeted with a slight bow, and he eyed you with a smile. “How wonderful to see the two of you here — especially you, my dear. May I say how ravishing you look in that gown?”

“You may not—” you began to say, but your mother cut you off with a very unladylike jab to your side, though masterfully disguised in her usual fashion.

“Thank you, Lord Cardew,” she said. “I apologize for my daughter; she is simply caught up in all the emotions she has been experiencing since her debut. She means no disrespect.” 

“I understand, my lady. Rest assured, I do not mind.” Lord Cardew extended a hand toward you, and your entire body stiffened. “Might I raise your spirits with a dance?” 

“I apologize, my lord,” you said emphatically. “My dance card is full.” 

Your mother forced out a bright laugh as she grasped your arm; it seemed you were already getting to her. “That certainly is funny, my dear! But of course, your card cannot be full as we have just arrived, and one does not refuse a baron in such a way.”

You opened your mouth to protest once more but she leaned into your side and muttered into your ear. “Just one dance with him. The sooner you do it, the sooner it will be over.”

The thought of your time spent within a yard of the baron being over as soon as possible was certainly an appealing notion, enough so that you plastered on a smile and took Lord Cardew’s hand. 

“I would be… honored to dance with you, my lord.” You had to force the words out, but he seemed none the wiser as his smile widened and he led you onto the floor. 

“I have had my eye on you for quite a long time, my lady,” he said as the two of you took your positions and seamlessly joined in with the flow of the other dancers. “You were a sure sight during your debut — truly, none of the other ladies hold even the slightest candle to you.”

“You flatter me, Lord Cardew.” You grimaced as his hand inched further down your waist and you glanced over at the orchestra, as if hoping the desperation in your eyes alone would be enough for them to cut the waltz short. Unfortunately, your silent plea achieved nothing. 

“I must admit, it is a surprise you have only just now entered society,” he said. You noticed your mother smiling at you in the group of many spectators, and you glared at her as best you could in the time the baron was looking away from you. The second his attention turned to you once more, that practiced smile was back in place. “Whyever did it take so long?” 

“I am afraid it is a private matter, my lord,” you said as politely as you could, but he shook his head. 

“You needn’t hold your tongue around me, dear,” he said as he spun you out and then took you back in, your entire body stiffening as he pulled you far closer than what was appropriate. “You do not extend the notion to any other member of the ton, so I do not see why it should apply to me.” 

“My mother simply decided to give me a few more years of respite,” you lied. “It is only this year that she decided she could not delay my debut any longer, so alas, I am here.” 

“And the season is made that much better by your presence, my lady.” Lord Cardew offered a smile and you were only able to manage one so thin it hardly qualified as a smile. But your invisible pleas must have done something because the waltz began to play to a close, and you had to hold back your breath of relief as you both bowed to each other.  

“Thank you for the dance and your… myriad of compliments, Lord Cardew,” you said as you straightened again. 

“It would do you good to get used to them,” he said with a smile, “for they will extend all throughout this courtship and our betrothal — you may have to work harder for them in marriage.” 

Your world stopped spinning on his axis as your entire body stiffened, frozen to the spot. 

“I am sorry?” you breathed, your eyes surely as wide as dinner plates as you attempted to process his words. 

“Compliments may be genuine, but they are also a ploy,” he said. “Without them, how does a man expect to claim a woman? Of course, after marriage a man does not have to fight for her affections anymore, so they—”

“I am not talking about your… views,” you interrupted sharply. “I was not aware of any engagement.” 

“Miss Worthing,” Lord Cardew sighed, his tone nothing less than patronizing, “it is obvious even to the most oblivious that your family is in need of whatever they can get — after our dance at the debutante ball, your father approached me and all but begged me to take your hand. Of course, I prefer to enjoy the process through a bit of courting, but rest assured, it will end in a proposal.” 

That was the shattering point. You had always known that your future hardly lay in your hands despite all your attempts to move it there, but you’d not expected your father to so easily yield— no, not yield, beg— to a man like the one that stood in front of you. 

You felt the rate of your heart speed up as your breathing fell shallow, and you knew you would not last another second in the middle of it all. 

“Excuse me, my lord.” You extracted your hand from his grasp, thankful for the barrier of your gloves however thin it may have been, and offered what you hoped was a convincing smile over the anxieties running rampant below the surface. “I find myself quite parched after our dance — I shall return soon after fetching a glass of lemonade.” 

Before the baron could protest you turned on your heel and set off towards the refreshment table. You poured the liquid from the pitcher into your glass with shaking hands, eyeing the baron out of your peripherals once you finished. The moment his attention moved away from you, you set your glass down and hurried off, easily dissolving into the crowd from years of practice. You glanced over your shoulder once more to ensure you were not being followed before you ducked around the corner. The second you were out of sight you picked up your skirts and ran, every step away from the main hall reducing the weight on your shoulders.

If this was to be the model for the rest of the season, you were sure that you would not survive it — you would not even survive another second in Lord Cardew’s presence. 

You nodded your thanks to the servants as they opened the outside doors to you, and you sucked in a large breath of fresh air once you reached the gardens. Thankfully, the nobles here numbered few — enough for you to remain proper being there on your own while still allowing yourself time to recover from what your parents wanted to be the start of the rest of your life. 

You leaned against the wall, the night breeze cooling your flushed cheeks. You hadn’t the slightest clue how you were supposed to get out of anything involved Lord Cardew, especially the inevitable proposal — no matter the number of your denials, it was just a nicety; the second he tired of your stubbornness, he would go over your head to your mother or father and trap you in a marriage you would spend the rest of your life resenting.

You cursed underneath your breath as you allowed yourself a moment to look out over the gardens. If only he were not a baron — then he would be any other common suitor, one that would be no closer to royalty than you and therefore requiring no special treatment. 

It was then that your gaze caught hold of a certain viscount, standing around idly amongst the small groups of people with a flute of champagne in his hand. 

It was no surprise to see Anthony away from the party — his infamy did not come from his eagerness to participate in the season — but you did smile a bit at it all. He was doing the exact same thing you were, running away from responsibility; he just had the added benefit of alcohol. Maybe the two of you shared more similarities than you thought. 

Your eyes suddenly widened. 

Perhaps there was a way to get out of your predicament. 

You hitched your skirt up yet again and all but ran over to the viscount, and his eyebrows rose as you approached. 

“Miss Worthing?” he greeted with a hint of confusion, though he didn’t get the chance to continue. 

“Anthony,” you breathed, coming to a stop in front of him as you loosened your grip on your skirt, “I am in dire need of your assistance.”

“Lord—“ he began to correct almost instinctively, but you shook your head.

“I’ve no time for a lecture,” you interrupted. “I need you to court me.”

He looked so utterly dumbfounded that if your social life wasn’t in the hanging you would have laughed. “Excuse me?” 

“I need you to court me,” you repeated. “Right now.” 

Anthony frowned. “My lady, are you feeling alright?”

“No,” you responded curtly, “no, I am not alright, seeing as the one man that my mother seems intent on me marrying is the single most despicable man in all the world. There is no possible way for me to get out of it alone, which is why I need your assistance.” 

He looked completely vexed, so many emotions warring on his face that you could hardly pick out one from the bunch. “I apologize for your predicament, but what could I possibly have to do with this?” 

“My mother is so intent on the union because he is a baron, and she is fully convinced that all of our problems will go away when I become a baroness alongside him. Because a man of such rank is interested in me, she will not be satisfied with anything less. But you—” you gestured towards him with your hand, a smile blooming on your face, “—you are a viscount. You are more, not less, and if I am thought to become a viscountess myself, then both my mother and every other suitor, especially Lord Cardew, will finally leave me be.” 

“Now I am even more convinced you have fallen ill,” Anthony muttered. “May I, if no one else has, inform you of how ill-advised a plan like this is?” He shook his head, that incredulous expression still on his face. “Even if it wasn’t, this is coming out of the blue — I do not want to marry you, my lady.” 

“Nor I you!” you exclaimed. “You’ve as little desire as I to be bound in a marriage; what better option than pretending to have eyes for each other to avoid a true commitment? At the end of the season, we will stage an argument after we’ve realized that we cannot continue into a union with each other, because I find you completely infuriating and you realize that I am simply far too good for you—”

“Excuse me?” 

You ignored him as you continued on your tirade. “You will no longer be courting me then — you will be free to delay your search for yet another season, and I will be free to live the life of a spinster.” 

Anthony frowned once more; you feared if he continued like this in your conversations, his brow would be permanently furrowed. “I was not aware that was a desirable status for a woman like yourself.”

“Well, perhaps not the title, but the life…” You sighed dreamily, allowing yourself to gaze off for a moment before looking back to Anthony. “An unmarried life would allow me the freedom I have always dreamed of. All I require is your fake courtship for one season, just one, and I will be able to find the rest of the way on my own.” 

Anthony was silent for a beat before he sighed. “I sympathize with your plight, Miss Worthing — it is one that Eloise finds herself in as well — but there is little I can do for you. This is not a matter I should be involved in; it is a conversation much better suited for your own family.”

“Do you believe that I have not tried?” you bemoaned, gesturing with exasperated motions. “The life that I want is one that you could have for yourself at any time. If you ever tire of society and decide you no longer want to be the man of the house, you could up and leave and no one would hear from Anthony Bridgerton again. You have seven siblings to leave in your wake, all there to pick up after you should you go. But for me — the sole daughter, the sole child of the Worthing family — I will never be able to have that life. Not without more sacrifice than I alone am able to give.” 

Anthony opened his mouth to respond, but all he did was stare at you with unwavering eyes, the silence in between the two of you weighing heavily in the air.

You screwed your eyes shut as you heard your name called in a familiarly unwanted voice, and with a shaky breath you opened them and looked at Anthony. The saccharine sweet smile you offered him was undercut by the pure desperation in your eyes as you lowered your voice to a whisper. “You’re out of time, my lord.” 

Just as the words left your mouth the man you’d been trying to avoid turned the corner, and you took in and let out a deep breath in preparation as you inched closer to Anthony. 

“Miss Worthing!” the baron exclaimed as he came to a stop in front of you, and you had to hold back a grimace at his bow. 

“Lord Cardew,” you greeted, latching onto Anthony’s arm as quickly as you could. Though Anthony stiffened at your touch, he allowed it. “I admit, I was not expecting you tonight.” 

“You have been a tricky one to find, my lady. You all but disappeared after our dance.” The lord’s smile quickly faded as Anthony cleared his throat next to you, and in a move that surprised you, pulled you closer to him. 

“Have you considered that it was by design?” he asked curtly, and you had to hold back your shock. “Miss Worthing is quite busy at the moment.” 

“Is that so?” Lord Cardew folded his arms behind his back, his expression unreadable. “Bridgerton, surely you are not suggesting—” 

“That he is courting me?” you interrupted with a slight smile. “It is more than a suggestion, my lord — it is the truth. I’m sorry to say that I am quite occupied; for the rest of the season, might I add.” 

The lord carefully controlled his surprise, the emotion only betrayed by the slightest raise of his brow as he looked at Anthony. “This is quite prominent news — such official courting, and so early on in the season? I had not heard even a word of it until just now.”  

“It is the truth, Cardew,” Anthony answered, “I assure you. It is high time I’ve found a wife, and I believe there could be none better than Miss Worthing.” 

“How interesting,” he noted tersely, his eyes set on you as he spoke. “It is a disappointment you lose your eligibility so soon, my lady. Though perhaps there is still time for your head to be turned for a more… suitable match.” 

“You dare to question Miss Worthing’s honor?” Anthony pressed, and he pulled you closer to him ever so slightly. “I will not have a man such as yourself setting his eyes upon my future wife and insulting her so.”

Lord Cardew set his jaw before he bowed his head reluctantly to both you and Anthony. “My sincerest apologies, Bridgerton—” 

“Lord Bridgerton,” Anthony interrupted, and once again you had to bite back your smile at the baron’s visible frustration. 

“...My sincerest apologies, Lord Bridgerton,” he corrected, but Anthony tutted. 

“I believe you owe an apology to the lady as well.” 

“Do not test me,” Lord Cardew snapped. “And do not think I will give up so easily on account of your ridiculous claim.” 

“Watch yourself, Cardew,” Anthony warned. “Should it come down to it, you do not want an enemy in me.” 

Lord Cardew glowered at Anthony for so long the tension could be felt in the air, until he finally released his anger in a huff and stormed off in a way unbecoming of a gentleman. With every step he took away from you, the more the weight on your shoulders dissolved.

“That is the man your mother wants you to marry?” Anthony marveled.

You nodded as you smoothed your dress down and let out a haggard breath. “It is a rather damning fate, is it not?” 

“Indeed,” he murmured, his own gaze fixed in the distance from where Lord Cardew left. “I suppose it is fortunate you have another suitor.” 

“It is,” you agreed. “Though I must admit, I did not expect you to go along with me.”

“It was just as much of a surprise to me,” Anthony admitted, and when you turned to him he still seemed slightly shocked. 

“Then I am all the more thankful for it. You have no idea how much you have just saved me.”

“I cannot believe what you have dragged me into,” Anthony lamented, and as he extracted his arm from your grasp you took a few steps away from him. 

“Do not worry,” you reassured. “I promise, it is nothing but a ruse — just to keep that awful man away from me until he finds a match in a lady that is not me.” 

“And how long will that take?

“I haven’t the slightest,” you offered with a tight smile, “but I pray it will be soon.”  

Anthony let out a loose sigh as he rubbed his forehead. “This is going to be a very long season.” 

“Indeed it will be.” You cleared your throat and took a moment to readjust the neckline of your dress before offering your hand to Anthony. “Now. Shall we indulge the ton with a dance to close out their night and give them something worthwhile to gossip about?” 

“I believe I am the one meant to offer you my hand,” he noted. 

You shrugged. “I suppose I am already preparing for my freedom outside of society.” 

Anthony stared at you for a moment before his lips quirked up. “You certainly waste no time.” 

“One must be efficient if they wish to get anything out of life.” You extended your hand further, your own smile blooming. 

“I agree.” Anthony took your hand and placed it on the crook of his elbow. “Shall we?” 

You nodded. “We shall.” 

— 

Lady Danbury’s ball had been the place of endless gossip after your first dance with Anthony — you now understood how he felt during the social season, for you were now, along with him, the talk of the ton, the center of attention from dozens of miffed mothers. To them, you were the childish, thankless, pathetic excuse for a lady that had taken away their daughter’s chance at viscountess. You had to admit, you did not at all enjoy the spotlight, and on your third dance you’d started to wonder if this truly was the best option — for both your sanity and your feet. 

After all you had committed yourself to in the night before, you had been looking forward to at least sleeping soundly once you retired for the evening. And though you had been granted the relief, it was taken away far too early.

The steps of your lady’s maid alerted you to her presence even before she threw the drapes open, sunlight immediately filtering into your room. 

“Julia,” you groaned as you covered your eyes from the fresh rays with your arm, “you know I adore you, but I do not know how much longer I can handle these early wakings.” 

“My sincerest apologies miss, but your mother insisted upon it.” 

That was the quickest way to get your attention. You rubbed the sleep out of your eyes and when you looked up, you were, true to Julia’s word, greeted with your mother. 

“What are you doing here so early?” you mumbled, turning onto your side and burying your head in your pillows to avoid the sun. “I don’t have any arrangements planned.”

“The newest edition of Whistledown came this morning,” she explained, walking over to sit down on the side of your bed. “And my dear, you must read it.”

You groaned once more, reluctantly turning over and sitting up as your mother offered you the pamphlet. 

Dearest Reader,

Is there anything as exciting as the beginning of a brand new season? The ton comes to life once more, with frantic mamas and earnest debutantes all finishing last minute preparations in the hopes that they will be crowned the season’s diamond. I certainly know it is a modiste’s favorite time of year. 

You raised an eyebrow at her. “This is truly thrilling news, mother.”

She hit your elbow lightly and pointed towards the end of the edition. “Skip here.”

I had not anticipated delivering this news so early on in the season, nor ever, if I am being truthful, but I do admit it excites me. It appears as though two of the most stubborn heads to set foot in London have found solace in each other, in a move that not even I expected. 

The rumors are indeed true: The Viscount Bridgerton has finally commenced his search for a wife after years of rakedom, and his choice in courtship is none other than Miss Y/N Worthing. Both are known for their outspoken views against marriage, but maybe it is the common dissatisfaction that has brought the pair together. Whatever the reason, they are sure to shake up England together. 

I am ever looking forward to how this courting will end, so fret not; every step of this unusual union will be uncovered. Oh, gentlest reader, I only hope you are just as intrigued as I.  

Yours Truly, 

Lady Whistledown. 

You hummed, unenthused as you handed the leaflet back to her. “I’m in Whistledown.”

“Unbelievable,” your mother said with a shake of her head, and you closed your eyes as you let your head fall back against the pillows. “This is huge, darling!” 

“Really, mother?” you sighed. “You pay no mind to any of my other accomplishments, but getting mentioned by Lady Whistledown is worth your attention. I do not understand it.” 

“It is not Lady Whistledown I am concerned with,” your mother admonished with a glance in your direction, “you know that. It is the fact that you are being courted by Anthony Bridgerton! My darling, you are to be a Bridgerton! Oh, I am so proud of you!” 

How ironic, you thought, that the one thing your mother is proud of you for is something that is not even real. It truly is just your luck. 

“Yes,” you responded idly, “it is quite exciting. But there is no guarantee that I will be a Bridgerton, mother. All the viscount did was request a dance, and all I did was indulge him. It can hardly even be considered courting.” 

She sighed, immensely exasperated. “One does not simply dance with an eligible lady as a bachelor if one does not intend on courtship. Have I not taught you anything?”

“On the contrary, I argue that you have taught me far too much.” You fixed her with a pointed look. “I should think there is no room left for anything of actual importance after all the meaningless dances and instruments you have forced me to learn.”

“I understand you are not a fan of quadrilles, but do not lie to me and say that you do not enjoy the violin.” Her lips quirked up in amusement, and you could see in her eyes she was going back to it. “That was a particularly interesting summer, when you decided to try your hand at as many instruments as you could find.”

You chuckled. “Well, if we couldn’t afford a teacher, I was going to try as many as possible to see what clicked. I just did not anticipate enjoying all of them so much.” 

Your mother smiled at you, and you were reminded of how fond you were of her company when marriage wasn’t on her mind. “You are certainly more gifted than me at the pianoforte — I was a complete wreck. My voice was my saving grace.” 

You laughed again with a knowing nod — your mother accompanied you more times than you could remember with her singing, steadfast through every single instrument you insisted on learning. But your thoughts were interrupted with a yawn, and you covered your mouth with the palm of your hand, giving your mother a soft smile once it passed. 

“As much as I am enjoying these memories, I must admit I am exhausted,” you said as you leaned back against your pillows. “And your early rising for the sake of Whistledown has not helped.”

“Darling,” your mother sighed. “Ladies start their day bright and early — now that you have debuted, you do not get to laze around all morning and read all day. You have duties you must attend to.” 

“I do not have any engagements today!” you protested. “If you so approve of the viscount courting me, I am in need of my rest to deal with him. He is quite a handful.” 

Before your mother could respond, another maid poked her head in through the open door. “Excuse me, misses — forgive me for the interruption, but Miss Worthing has a caller. He is waiting in the drawing room.” 

Your mother’s eyes widened with excitement as she stood up from your bed, satisfaction underneath her smile. “You do have an engagement, my dear, and I cannot wait to see who. Maybe it is the viscount himself!” She squeezed her hands together, her smile growing larger by the second. “Oh, how exciting!” 

Before she exited your room she looked at your lady’s maid. “Julia, will you assist her in getting ready? I do not trust her judgment on such an important matter.” 

“Of course, my lady,” she nodded, and you blew out a loose sigh as your mother closed the door behind her. 

If this truly was Anthony, you needed to ensure any future meetings were set at a much later hour. Elsewise, you would not survive this courtship either. 

—

“So,” Julia couldn’t help the smile on her lips as she laced up your corset, meeting your eyes in the mirror, “you must explain to me how you have gone from an avid hater of marriage to being courted by Anthony Bridgerton, of all men! I believe we have stood in this exact same position before, only with the topic of conversation being his latest outrageous act by word of Miss Eloise rather than his courtship of you.” 

You sighed, shivering slightly as her cold fingers brushed over your shoulder, and shook your head. “I do not even think I can give you an answer to that, Jules. It certainly is… something.”

She chuckled and began to help you into the dress she had selected, the light blue fabric embroidered with white thread designs hanging off of your build in a simple but flattering way. “Whatever the reason may be, I hope you know I am proud of you. I know it is not easy to embark on a journey like this, especially one you have been so firm in denying, but I have the utmost faith that you will succeed. You are doing a great service to your family.”

You opened your mouth to say something but she interrupted you with that slight smile again. “And before you claim the opposite, know that I have always been proud of you, not just in your social season. You have blossomed into a truly wonderful lady, and that will not change whether or not you gain the weight of a ring on your finger.” 

Your lips quirked up into a small smile of your own as Julia laid a locket around your neck, letting your hair go once she clasped the two ends together. “What would I do without you?” 

“Most likely find another much less willing servant to rant to,” she joked. “But you needn’t worry — I am not going anywhere.” 

“And for that, I am eternally thankful,” you said, “though I do not think I am granted the same fate.” 

Julia smiled and smoothed out the sleeves of your dress before she turned you around, that steadfast confidence in her eyes that you knew so well helping to calm your nerves. “You will do just fine, my lady. Anthony Bridgerton is only above you in title and nothing else — I have the utmost faith that you can handle him.”

You had no worries about handling him — your troubles lay more in the fact that your arrangement was nothing more than an illusion. Anthony was not particularly known for his patience, and though you had an agreement, your fears were anchored in the true reliability of your fake beau. It was not at all out of the realm of possibility for the viscount to reach his limit and ruin this entire thing for the both of you. 

Though you often aired your troubles to your lady’s maid, you could not do that now— not when your troubles were of such a sort. So instead you merely took a deep breath as you smoothed out your skirt and adjusted the neckline of your dress.

“Indeed. Now,” you turned to face her with a smile, “shall we?”

-

You trailed through the hallways of your estate with Julia by your side, trying not to show too much of your disdain. Anthony’s courtship of you did not mean you had to act the part of a doting lady, but it did mean your civility was required. 

Of course, a small part of you hoped that it was not Anthony who sat in your drawing room. The amiability required by his courtship was not necessary for a normal suitor — at least if another man was your caller, you needn’t hold your tongue.

Your hopes were dashed the moment you stepped inside the open doors of your drawing room, trying your best to keep a straight face at the sight of the viscount. He did not share your feelings, made obvious by the smile that bloomed on his lips as he stood up from the couch.

“Ah, Miss Worthing!” he greeted. “I was wondering when you would show.”

You responded with a tight smile of your own. “When one shows up unannounced, he should expect delays. In fact, he should consider himself lucky for even earning an audience.”

Your mother laughed uncomfortably as she stood up from her chair, guiding you over to Anthony with an arm on your shoulder. 

“Forgive my daughter, Viscount Bridgerton, please,” she said with the voice of an exasperated mother. “It is still early, and she has not yet broken her fast — she is slightly irritable.”

“It is of no worry, Lady Worthing,” he reassured, and Anthony sat down with you. “I hope I was not an imposition.”

“You—”

“—Are not at all!” Your mother interrupted once again before you could say he most certainly was. She settled in her chair and picked up her embroidery hoop once more, offering a pleasant smile to the two of you. “Please, feel free to converse as if I am not even here.”

You offered her a tight, mocking smile as you turned to Anthony, lowering your voice so as to keep your insults private.

“You are a cruel man,” you muttered, glancing at your mother out of the corner of your eye to ensure she could not hear your true words. “This was not how I hoped our partnership would begin.” 

“However so?” Anthony asked, tilting his head to the side slightly. He was clearly enjoying your pain, of which he was the cause. It was truly irritating. “If I recall correctly, this entire affair was your idea.”

“Showing up as an unannounced caller, and at this hour nonetheless?” You shook your head. “This arrangement is meant to be equally beneficial. I cannot benefit if I am forced to bear constant early wakings.”

“I am an early riser, my lady,” he said, and you could not figure out whether or not his austerity was genuine. “And I have long held the belief that the morning is the best time to achieve anything, when one’s mind is at its most alert.” 

“Your ‘alert mind’ is doing you no good if you are unable to see the effect this has on me,” you said, glaring very pointedly at him as you lowered your voice even more. “This is a fake courtship. None of this is necessary.”

“I see it very clearly. I figured putting up with my own sudden visits could be your payment in return for springing something like this on me at the last possible moment,” Anthony said. ”As you know, I am a man of honor, a gentleman at that— if you want anyone to believe this, you will have to deal with my actions.”

“You could have refused,” you pointed out. 

“I should hope you do not see me as horrid enough to allow that man to actually court you,” Anthony countered with a slight frown. 

“Daphne’s season spells out something entirely different.” 

“You are aware of how much longer this arrangement will seem if you insist on arguing your way through it,” he said dryly.

“It is in my nature,” you responded with a smile. “It is how I’ve managed to avoid suitors thus far.” 

He hummed. “Perhaps I should have been taking tips from you long before this season. No matter how often I expressed my intentions to stay unmarried, countless mothers continued to all but throw their daughters at me. It’s not enjoyable in the slightest.” 

“Imagine how the young ladies feel,” you mused. “Being forced to try their hand at you knowing you fully despise them.” 

Anthony raised an eyebrow. “Is that not what any suitor considering you must deal with?” 

Your nose crinkled at the idea. “I… suppose you are indeed correct.” 

“I often am,” he responded, his smugness not lost on you. 

Your gaze flitted away from him for a moment before an idea popped into your head. Thus far, it seemed that this fake courtship between you and Viscount Bridgerton would be a test of who could irritate the other the most without breaking the illusion you were creating. 

Two could certainly play at that game. 

“Why yes, my lord!” you exclaimed, purposefully raising your voice so that your conversation could now be heard. In your peripherals you saw your mother look up from her embroidery hoop as well as Anthony’s sudden frown, and you could hardly hold back your smile. “I would love to visit the marketplace with you. How kind of you to notice that I am in need of a new reticule.” 

Your scheme quickly dawned on him, but beyond the slightest crease of his eyebrows there was no sign of the distaste surely brewing underneath the surface. 

“The marketplace?” You turned as your mother spoke, a satisfied smile on her lips. “That sounds like a lovely idea, Lord Bridgerton. Thank you immensely for your kindness.”

“Of course,” he replied easily, and after he stood up himself he offered a hand to you. You stood up without it, causing only an amused expression to flit across Anthony’s face as he looked over at your mother. “Should you like to accompany us?”

“Oh, no.” She brushed it off with her hand as she beamed at you. “I do not want to intrude on the new lovers. Julia, would you please chaperone them?”

Your lady’s maid nodded with a smile. “Of course, my lady.”

Anthony offered his arm to you, and this time you took it, albeit very begrudgingly. “Do you hear that?” he muttered with obvious amusement, leaning to speak into your ear as the two of you walked out. “We are new lovers.”

“You could at least act as if you are not enjoying this,” you whispered back. 

“Oh, but I am,” he smiled. “And you should be as well! This was your idea, and yet you are already completely miserable. What were you thinking when you proposed this to me?”

You huffed. “I was thinking the man that has avoided marriage for his entire life would not be so insistent on conducting a real courtship.”

Anthony simply chuckled. “Then it appears you still have much to learn about me.” 

-

The fresh air of the London streets helped in clearing your mind as you strolled through the marketplace, despite the fact that you were arm in arm with Anthony Bridgerton. It did bring you some satisfaction to know that you had at least dealt yourself into the fold with this outing, but you had a feeling Anthony could play this game far better than you. 

After all, a man did not become the head of his household and prepare his myriad of siblings for their respective seasons without picking up some skills of his own, even if he has not yet chosen a wife — especially if he was without a wife, it seemed, as Anthony had all the charm and knowledge of how to seduce a lady and yet none of the results. You surmised that was just the way he liked it. 

If anything, this was just as much of a game to him as it was to you. Some way to make himself feel like even more of a gentleman while avoiding the ton and having a bit of fun all the same. 

“My lady, did you hear me?” 

You blinked a few times as you looked to Anthony, shaking your head. “Apologies. My thoughts are much more interesting than you.”

He chuckled. “You wound me so, Miss Worthing. However am I to cope knowing the woman I am courting does not see me the same way?” 

“Do you always act like this?” you questioned. “Because if that is the case, it is certainly no wonder you have not found a wife. You are far too irritating for any lady to possibly stand.” 

“Did you choose me for your task simply to ridicule me?” Anthony asked instead. “Although I admit I enjoy your company, Miss Worthing, I am not sure if I can handle an entire season of insults.”

“You have seven siblings,” you said. “You have handled fifteen years of insults.”  

“Ah, but they are all the more scathing coming from you.” You chuckled a bit at his words, and Anthony continued. “But truly, what was your reason for choosing me over any other man?”

“I chose you because of your title,” you said simply.

“There must be other viscounts or earls for you to rope into this scheme,” Anthony said, “other men that do not annoy you half as much as I.”

You smiled a bit. “Truth be told, you are the only one I am acquainted with that is of higher ranking than the baron. Even if I knew others, the plan only came to mind when I saw you out in the gardens last night, and you are the only one that I could think of that would even entertain my offer.” 

Anthony hummed in acknowledgment. “It is rather fortunate I was there, then— it will be a welcome reprieve for the season, not having to deal with mamas throwing their daughters at me left and right.”

“See?” you said. “It was purposeful on my part. Mutually beneficial, just as I told you.”

He chuckled, and you smiled. The two of you continued to walk idly through the marketplace, his attention lingering on each stall for a few seconds before passing to the next. The silence between the two of you was surprisingly comfortable, especially with the ambiance of the city you so enjoyed, which is why the question that came out surprised you just as much as him. 

“Why did you choose me?” 

Anthony gave you a curious look. “I’m afraid you have to be more specific, my lady.” 

“By agreeing to this ruse, you chose me, just as I chose you,” you said. “Why would you do such a thing when you are not yet officially looking for a wife?”  

“…I suppose your words struck me,” he responded. “Your position is not one of envy— the sole heir to a family in need, put on a pedestal to a horde of suitors that you don’t desire in the slightest. I am in a similar position, having to marry for the good of my family, but you are correct. The level of scrutiny I face is nowhere near the amount you must put up with, and the idea of you marrying…” Anthony grimaced, “that sorry excuse for a man? No one with good conscience could deny you.”

“So you accepted because of sympathy,” you said.

He chuckled. “Perhaps. Would you rather I outright denied you?”

You smiled yourself as you shrugged. “No. I just enjoy questioning everything you do.”

Anthony shook his head, though he was clearly amused. “Perhaps we should continue this courtship for real— you already bother me as much as a true wife.”

And at that, you laughed aloud. “And you irritate me as much as a true husband.” You glanced behind you to see your lady’s maid walking a distance behind you, pretending not to listen but very obviously eavesdropping.

Anthony glanced back as well and looked at you, catching onto it. “Will she be a problem?”

“Julia?” you asked, and when he nodded you laughed again. “Spare no mind — she has been one of my closest confidantes, and I hers, for as long as I can remember. Should she overhear anything, she will not repeat it.”

“You are close with your lady’s maid?” Anthony asked, and you frowned.

“Are you not acquainted with your manservants?”

“No,” he said, “they are simply servants. I’m friendly with them of course, but certainly not close. Not to the level of sharing secrets.”

“I cannot imagine that,” you sighed. “We employed her three years ago, and since then she has become one of my best friends. Julia knows some of my closest secrets— not having such a bond with the person who spends so much time with you is nearly impossible in my eyes.”

Anthony went silent, and when you looked over you saw him staring at you with an odd look in his eyes.

“What?” you asked, and he shook his head.

“Nothing,” he said, and then he stopped you in front of a market stall that was selling coin purses and reticules. “Should we complete the task we embarked on this journey for?”

You wanted to push him on the subject of his thoughts, but you decided not to as you gave him a smile instead. “So formal, my lord. But I suppose it cannot hurt.”

Anthony picked up a light blue reticule, the white embroidered floral pattern particularly catching your eye. “This one rather suits you, I think. It matches your gown.”

“You’ve got quite an eye!” you exclaimed, taking it from him and holding it up to your dress. You weren’t one to indulge in luxuries such as mindless shopping — you couldn’t quite afford it, to be truthful — but… it did compliment your outfit, and it was a lovely purse.

But you did not even have a chance to deliberate any further, as Anthony was already talking with the merchant. Before you knew it he was thanking her and handing over coin, and you raised your eyebrows at him.

“What?” he said, having the gall to not even look ashamed. “You did say you were in need of a new reticule.” 

You opened your mouth to protest, tell him that you could not afford to waste money on trivial things such as purses out of instinct, but you realized you did not have to. It was the Bridgerton’s coin, and they were far more affluent than your family— with seven children, they had to be. 

And if it was on the Bridgerton’s coin, did it really matter? Would you not be expected to accept gifts from the gentleman courting you? 

“...Thank you,” you finally said, and you beckoned Julia over. 

“What do you think?” you asked as she stopped next to you, holding it up in front of you to model it. “Does the viscount have a better eye for fashion than I thought?”

Julia grinned. “It is as lovely as you, my lady. The color compliments you perfectly.”

“You flatter me so,” you said with a smile. 

“I only tell the truth, Y/N,” she insisted, and you chuckled. “If I may, I’m in need of a few items— do you mind if I wander for a bit?”

“Of course,” you nodded. “Would you like us to wait for you?”

Julia shook her head. “I know the way by heart; I will be fine. Enjoy your time with the viscount.”

She winked at you as she walked past, and you couldn’t stifle your laugh as you rolled your eyes. She would be the death of you, you were certain.

“Shall we, then?” Anthony offered his arm to you, and you nodded as you took it. The two of you began to walk again, the conversation picking up once more.

“Your workers call you by your name?” he asked, and you raised your eyebrows. 

“Not all of us are viscounts of important families, Anthony,” you said. “I do not see the need for someone I regard as closely as a sister to call me by a title I’ve no use for. Many would certainly argue I am in no way a lady.” 

“If your family is viewed in such a way, then why not try to change their opinion? Why not marry a man of higher standing, bring the Worthing name up with you, and prove the ton wrong?”

“I’ve no need for you to impart your wisdom upon me, Lord Bridgerton,” you chuckled. “In terms of high society, yes, my family is wildly poor. But if we were to just exit the ton, live a normal life in middle class sections of the city, or even move to the country where we can have an even simpler existence, then all of our problems would be solved.” You sighed deeply. “But I do not think my parents will ever choose to do so. I’ve no idea why they are so set on us remaining in Mayfair.” 

“You used my title,” Anthony mused, the statement coming out of nowhere after a weighted moment of silence. “Was a walk together all it took for you to find it in yourself a modicum of respect?”

You let out a laugh and looked at him with mirth twinkling in your eyes. “If this walk somehow earned you my respect, then the clarification of it has certainly lost it. Besides; I thought it quite obvious I was merely joking.” 

“The more time I spend with you, the more I think that half the insults towards me in Eloise’s repertoire have in fact come from you.” Anthony gave you a pointed look. “Have you anything at all to say about turning my sister against me?” 

You shrugged. “I cannot be blamed for Eloise’s own creativity. However she chooses to express it is out of my control.” 

Anthony chuckled and glanced away for a moment, before a surprisingly soft gaze found its way to you. 

“You are much more than I expected.” He did not say it with disdain, rather an unexpected lightness. Maybe the viscount was not the way that you expected either, with walls surrounding his emotions impenetrable even by the queen’s army and a mind set only on business matters. Maybe it was possible that Anthony Bridgerton truly had a heart. 

But you could not tell him that you were already beginning to see him in a different light — no, that would mark you as the loser of this game you’d started. You were quite good at irritating others, Anthony included, as you’d realized after years of friendship with Eloise. It could not be too difficult to continue it under the guise of a courtship. 

So instead you shrugged, an amused smile on your lips. “Perhaps there is still much for you to learn of me.” 

And in that moment, looking into Anthony’s eyes, you would’ve given anything to hear his thoughts. But you could not, and so when he smiled back at you, it was merely a smile.

“Perhaps there is," he said.

-

perm tags: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77 @simonsbluee @kwyloz @masteroperator

bridgerton tags: @theonewithallthemilkshakes @milkiane

anthony bridgerton tags: @gwenebear @lurkymurker @likeballet @tommymcartney

[gaymurdersalad]

[ Hello everypony! Don’t mind the ritual robes. Dress for the job you want, ya know? And all I want to do is serve our lord and savior Godred!

I thought as a fun little thing to do in between sacrifices, I would give out some headcanons— well. These are my guys, are they headcanons? Not really. Uhm, facts, I guess— on how they do their holidays! Take ‘em or leave em, you’ll soon find I love rambling about the guys. You might regret this.

———

Peter and Caroline used to do the whole Catholicism thing, so they definitely did celebrate a good Christmas! However after the whole “disappearing for several years and coming back with a phone for a head” thing that Peter did, all faith in God was lost, but they still like to give eachother presents. The star on top of the tree is a grim reminder of a lordless plane. Except for the almighty Godred, mind you!

Steven sits alone in his restaurant with vague feelings of something or other. The establishment doesn’t even close— because why would it, it’s a Fazbender’s— so he has plenty of time to sit in an empty restaurant and think about nothing. Peter has invited him to Christmas but quoteth Steven, “That sounds great and all, but I’ve actually got my own plans.” Of which are trying to remember what the fuck a “Christmas” is and why it has any value to people other than market value. If it piques your interest at all, him and his boyfriend semi-celebrated but not really, as Steven was raised Christian {LONG since abandoned} and his boyfriend was Muslim. That’s all gone now, though, unbeknownst to the phone-man in question.

Dee spends time with the souls in the Flipside. She enjoys it very much, despite the grimness of it all. Even though she would much rather being alive and spending time with her family, she knows she has responsibilities.

Henry works. On stuff. He’s just sitting in his office right now, I could totally waltz in there and sacrifice him to Godred. Just pick that bastard up and get goin’. Oh, he’d be kicking and screaming, but he’s a midget with small hands and can’t do nothin’ against an ethereal phone creature with a complete and utter devotion to almighty Godred... Maybe after this.

Oscar doesn’t celebrate Christmas, and actually hates it. Finds every bit of Christmas decor annoying to his astigmatism and just grating anyways. Oh, fucking shit, the jingle bells never stop. Everything is annoying. He cannot enter his beloved coffee shop— Fazbucks; it’s like Starbucks but they don’t donate to stupid bullshit! The CEOs just spend the money on bribing health inspectors throughout Fazbender chains! What? No, no, they still pay their workers in faztokens— without being utterly assaulted by MIRIAH. Even if Christmas wasn’t annoying, he wouldn’t celebrate it anyways, because he’s Jewish. So is his family! Where the hell is his family? Where does— Where the hell does Oscar live, does he have a house? I- I’m realizing I didn’t get to know him that much, I think he just… Showed up here. You- Uhh, you get the point.

Dave has a ritual and has been performing this ritual for three years straight. First, he wakes up in the dumpster of the week, gets dressed, and climbs out of that disgusting sucker. Normal morning routine ensues, Y’know, he takes a couple random pills for the hangover and pops a thing of LSD if he’s feelin’ chipper, shaves with a switchblade he usually finds in the Fazbender Ballpits, and sets out onto the world. Since it is a special day— not in accordance to any religion, but to his own fucked up morals and values— he breaks into a liquor store and takes what he pleases! All assortments of liquors and cigarettes, and he stuffs them all into a duffel he usually manages to scavenge for beforehand. Once he’s a proper Santa Claus with a bag of stolen substances slung over his shoulder, he jacks a piece of shit car— he figures he’s doin’ them a favor, ‘cause who would want to own this shit box anyway?— and drives 90 to the Old Sport residence. Once he arrives, parking his car in the yard and fucking up the grass with those giant fucking tire tracks, Jesus Christ, Sportsy’s gonna have to fix that, he stomps up to the door with the duffel and knocks fifteen times with the palm of his giant fucking hand. If Sportsy don’t answer, more knocking ensues, probably followed by several obscenities and slurs. Eventually, Old Sport opens the door, and before the stout fucker can beat him with the baseball bat he stole from a bar in Las Vegas, Dave slips in and throws the bag down on the floor. Sportsy, after experiencing this for the past couple years, holds his head in his hands and groans. Loudly. Dave wraps Old Sport in this big hug, pickin’ him up off the ground all while Sportsy frowns in discontent. They spend the rest of the evening sitting on the couch boozing and watching shitty Christmas specials, and Dave crashes on Sportsy’s couch at 8 PM.

Until the arrival of Dave, Jack sits in bed. Don’t even bother to put on makeup. In the back of his head he kind of knows that the wretched purple beast will show up at his house, but he maintains a little hope that he won’t. He always does. He supposes it’s nice to have a day where Dave isn’t spending a day with him solely to recruit him into the whole kid-killing business again, but… Man, when the liquor hits, he realizes just how sad it is that his only consistent friend is a child murderer. Fuck. Once Dave crashes, Jack is usually stuck underneath him as some sort of pillow, and at this point, he’s so burnt out and sad and happy and bitter that he just lays there. Watching those shitty Christmas movies. He’s going to wake up with the worst headache tomorrow.

Legacy does not do anything special and David stopped trying to a while ago. Business carries on as usual. Maybe David would like to go out and do something or have Legacy sit still for one measly second so he could give him some kind of gift, but knowing the Orange Bastard, he’d likely reject it or throw it out. Maybe spending time with Legacy is a gift in of itself, David thinks, incorrectly.

———

Was that everyone? There are so many of the guys! Good lord, half of them are maniacs too. I couldn’t be prouder!

Well, I’ve got some sacrificin’ to do! Goodbye! Remember: Godred Loves You! ]

~ Mod Chribs

[eldritch-spouse]

I wanna peg Grimbly so bad and praise the fuck out of him the whole time. Like yes pretty boy, look at you taking it so well! Keep making those sweet little sounds and cum nice and hard for Mommy❤️

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) yes.]

TW: Obviously mommy kink; Minor degradation (giving).

You don't know how it ended this way.

Or, well, you should have seen it coming. Yes, that's more accurate overall.

You already have a natural urge to gravitate towards his kind. Petite, needy, girly. It was hard to think twice about how eager Grimbly was to spend time with you, supposedly a complete stranger, when you were very much dazzled by his cuteness. You know now you're a fool, that you're trapped with a scarily possessive, jealous freak of a monster man who wants to monopolize every second of your life.

It's almost horrifying how someone so small and precious-looking can hold so much malice inside.

Luckily, Grimbly doesn't seem intent in tearing you down, or sucking you dry like a bloodthirsty mosquito- He just wants something very simple, as he puts it.

Your love and attention. Forever.

The mommy thing... Well, while it did shock you how quickly he dropped that bomb on you, Grimbly always had this knowing look to his bright magenta eyes, somehow knowing you were into it, daring you to say otherwise. You rolled with it. Just as you rolled with his desire to be increasingly femme for you, to be under your supposed control and brag about how "possessive" you are to others.

While all of this was decidedly very scary and tentative for you, and at times continues to be, especially considering some of his prior tantrums- You can't really say that it isn't sexually satisfying. Because it is. More than it should be.

It's hard to stay mad at his underhanded little tactics when he flashes you a puppy look and agrees with your scolding, gets flustered by your anger- Tells you to discipline him.

It's mind-boggling how much control this bat monster has over you. You suppose you should be thankful that he doesn't need that much to stay happy. Just a draining level of attention and babying that is steadily becoming more second nature than a chore to you.

" Babyboy? " You call idly, slicking the purple length on your strap.

It's a lengthier one this time. Several bumps give it texture. Considering Grimbly's small size, you think he could be biting off a bit more than he's able to chew here, but the monster's been training with you for this, so you'll trust him if he says he's ready. Aside from the strap, you wear nothing but a flimsy white robe.

A tap tap tap tap rings out, nearing. It's him, those pointed feet that always intrigued you so making their way over. Tip tip tip tap-

The door to the bedroom opens and your short, ever-pretty boyfriend walks in. You don't know what he was up to these past moments, Grimby just said he needed to prepare. Though, the moment you turn around to face him, hand still around the silicone cock, you freeze.

He's... He dressed for the occasion.

A... A maid's dress? Sort of? Yes, a very light pink, frilled maid's dress. He didn't say anything about roleplaying, but you could roll with it, especially since it looks soooo cute on his petite figure. It looks bouncy and hugs his waist perfectly, there's- Oh lord, he even put a bow around his tail, this goof. You know he must have spent a small fortune on those custom elbow-length gloves too. Has he been planning this for long?

You silently raise an eyebrow at Grimbly.

" A-Ah so- What do you think, mommy? " He does a twirl just for good measure, a dust of color to his cheeks.

" I think it's gorgeous baby- But when did you buy that? " God, you really hope he did it with his own money, that shit looks fucking expensive. You cannot take another blow to your wallet right now.

The bat waves. " I- Well, I actually had it for a couple of weeks now! You know, sometimes we have to dress nicer for big occasions, and I'm thinking of bringing this one to work... " He pauses, now twiddling his fingers and avoiding looking you in the eye. " ... But I wanted you to help me make a good memory in it first. "

A blood vessel bursts somewhere in your body.

That's right, he's a waiter. At that really odd place he keeps talking about. It's strange, you've asked to see it before but your vampiric little pest keeps insisting it's not that important. That not a lot of humans go there, that his coworkers are kinda lame. Smells fishy, he clearly avoids talking about his job, and while that puts you off a tad, you know Grimbly isn't as cutesy and innocent as he looks- So maybe it really is wise not to push him on this topic.

" You want to get railed in your new work outfit? My, what a dirty boy. " You snicker.

He winks, flashing you his tongue.

" Lift it. " You order.

" H- Huh? "

There's a beat of stunted silence.

" Lift that skirt, I want to see what's beneath it. "

The small monster "hum"s and "ha"s a couple more times, heat steadily pooling on that pale face while his legs shimmy together. He doesn't dare defy you for long, grabbing the hem and slowly dragging it up to reveal-

Nothing.

Exactly as you expected.

" Tsk, and you think that's decent? "

He shakes his head, but his tail wags.

You march up to the monster, delighting in the confusion shining through those big round eyes as you grab him by the exposed slit none too gently. Grimbly yelps, quickly curling forward.

" What's stopping anyone from just walking up to you and taking what they want, huh? "

He gasps, caught up in the feeling of you rubbing at him incessantly, evoking all the finesse of a greasy pervert who'd want nothing more than to cop a feel of his local waitress- Probably some of the creeps he has to deal with.

" Answer me, babyboy. "

" N- Nothing! "

" Exactly. " You jam two fingers into him, neither slow nor careful, hooking them for good measure. " What's stopping me from touching you everywhere, from using you like the common fucking street whore? "

" Nothing mommy- " He's teary-eyed already, trying to grind onto the sudden intrusion.

Tutting quietly, you take several steps back, keeping your digits firmly inside his wet hole so Grimbly has to follow as well, effectively being led around by the slit. There's no curbing the smirk that decorates your face when you feel his cock brush your hand, jumping in excitement at being manhandled.

You lead him to the bed, picking Grimbly up with little effort -Thank fuck he's so light- And tossing him onto the sheets. He lands on his back, dress scrambled, already biting his lip. The lack of a barrier allows his equally cute cock to slip out, and some part of you thinks he should have put a bow on it too. To complete the look.

" Did you prep? " You ask, climbing on after him, hands on his legs.

" Y- Yes, mommy. " Sure enough, once you spread them, you find his hole wet with the shine of lube already.

" Good boy. "

You flip him around mid-purr, always happy to be able to handle him so roughly. It's a novelty.

Grimbly's practiced enough to raise his ass and plant his head on the pillows, tail kept out of the way as he grinds against your faux member. Needy slut. You know you could slam inside and he would probably only moan for more.

A devious idea pops into your head.

" M- Mommy? " The bat monster questions when you refuse to initiate anything. " ... Please fuck me? "

Hah cute, he thinks you want him to beg.

" No baby, I want you to work for it. "

You know you're treading a line here, Grimbly's such a pillow princess, it's a challenge to get him to move it. He whines already.

" Ah ah, none of that. " Curving over him, your thighs dwarfing his, you whisper where his ear would be. " You're going to fuck yourself on my dick, and then maybe, I'll give you that plowing you want so bad... "

You're close enough to feel his whole body shudder.

" Got it, sweetie? "

Grimbly moans something incomprehensible, shifts so the very tip of the silicone toy prods at his entrance, and turns to look at you with a heated nod.

Even if you don't feel a lick of it, the sight of him sliding back onto your girth is hot enough that you both moan in unison.

[bengiyo]

Cooking Crush Ep 6 Stray Thoughts

Last week, Ten's dad found out about the money Ten's been paying to Prem, and then he went to Prem's house, called him a scammer, and told him to take the money and fuck off. Meanwhile, that super chef has left his show and is helping the school select a trio to send into the competition. Super chef clearly likes Prem, and those shitty bullies are not happy about it. Still, Ten and Prem clearly like each other, and we saw them kiss, but we have to learn today how we got here. Dynamite and Fire also have a conversation in the car I'm hoping to get more of.

I really am such a sucker for a tippy toe kiss.

Poor Ten has no idea about his dad's intervention, nor how genuinely guilty Orem feels about this.

Dish 6: That 'Jub Chai Stew' Makes Me Spend More Time With You

Oh no. They left Samsi to get picked up by the cops. This is not okay.

Okay, Metha went back. I don't have to hate him.

I love Dynamite so much.

Okay, Pang and Metha are really coming through as sounding boards. Both of these boys need to face how they feel about each other, and Pang is correct that Prem should feel no shame about Tem walking into this eyes wide open.

This stew looks really good and now I want to make it.

Oh lord not chicken nuggets.

Welcome back, The Heart Knows.

I love them going on this not-date to extend their time together.

I like that because part of their relationship is Prem teaching Ten stuff, he was quick to correct Ten for saying something rude.

Off has really improved his smolder. This was a solid almost-kiss, and I applaud this show for letting me know they will kiss tonight. I don't feel denied, and appreciate the anticipation now.

Next scene?? Good job, BL.

Oh my goodness this is actually really cute. I love how cuddly and giggly they became after that kiss.

Okay, Ten, I respect you bringing up the kiss early.

LOL, the prof called Chang Ma right out on that crush.

Grandma ain't falling for it either!

I agree, cinematographer, Gun really is that pretty.

Okay, Ten! I like this energy.

Seeing Jane and Fire at the grocery has me thinking about a potential low stakes pregame run Cheum and Boston could have made it OF had more friend content.

Goddamn, first Metha and then Jane. Metha said you need a stern dicking, and Jane said you gotta hide from your mom? None of the friends in this show are gonna let anyone off the hook!

I never tire of the food fantasies. It makes me want to watch Food Wars again.

I absolutely love that this young prodigy is the leader of this group of gays.

I love Pang so much. She is down to clown. Reminds me of a story I cannot tell on the Internet about my own sister.

What is up with all the salt bae jokes this week??

We should keep the hat on Aungpao. I like the look.

I love that Dynamite takes the direct approach at all times.

Next week looks good!

I missed this show. So glad we're back on track. Neo is doing some interesting work as a closeted boy that feels different from his work in The Eclipse. He's about to give Gawin a run for his money now that this is his third time playing repressed.

[qiutls]

TNGDH 014

The festival began in earnest in the North, and the celebration was lively enough to forget the coldness of the winter.

'Hmm, why are they holding such a big festival when it's not even the season of harvesting?'

It's hard to get flowers during this time of the year, since the cold wind blows day and night, it must be expensive to buy them from outside. It's not even thanksgiving, nor spring... Why is the festival celebrated during this cold season?

"Because the day is short."

Sen answered my question clearly.

"It's a period of time where there's less stuff for people to do. And people tend to get depressed easily when the amount of sunlight is reduced. Lethargy makes people sick; the poor starve to death and the pessimists often kill themselves."

I see. I've never thought of that.

I looked up at the red sky beyond the castle walls. The sun was already setting even though it was still early in the day.

"So, His Highness deliberately makes the coldest and darkest times lively. Spending this week, by generously releasing food collected throughout the year and buying people's goods at a high price. Aristocrats from the city are also invited to spend money for the merchants to earn their keep. It's like giving a gift to the people of the estate in order for them to keep enduring until spring."

That means, while Kyle's not hanging out with me, he was taking care of everyone in the estate. I honestly admire it.

"Soon, His Highness will deliver a speech to commemorate the charity event. Do you want to go and see it?"

I nodded.

There's still time left anyway. I tried to meet Belial, but unfortunately, I still couldn't, so I just looked around the castle. Since the time for "Summon" was doubled, I can enjoy this luxury.

"Are they selling food on the street?"

"Have you not tried the festival food? Oh, this can't do! Come on, follow me. I'll treat you today!"

The place Sen led me to was teeming with people and stalls.

'Wow, there's really a lot to eat.'

There're orange-colored candied apples, grilled barbeque and lots of fried snacks and sweets covered in caramel sauce. My eyes, nose and mouth are all satisfied with all the food surrounding me,

'Life in the north is better than I expected...'

Only when there's delicious food can a heart full of love for the estate be born. I watched the vividness of the street while taking a bite at the food Sen bought me.

"Your Highness!"

"Thank you so much, my lord!"

The festival was more exhilarating than I thought, and so was Kyle's speech, which we watched from afar.

It was good to watch him from a distance that could be reached at any time if I wanted. But the Lord of Blake, exuding greatness, who could only be seen from afar, is also pretty cool.

He looked at his subjects from the stage with a blank expression that seemed cold to anyone else.

If you didn't know anything about him, you would misunderstand and think he was a villain or a tyrant.

But I know that's not the case at all. I haven't been with him for a long time, but I already know him well. What more for the people who have been living in this estate for years.

"It was really a good choice to come to the North."

"Who said otherwise? If it wasn't for Your Highness, we would have all starved to death a few years ago."

This was someone's vivid life, which cannot be explained by just a few lines in a novel. The reality is that the energy and passion of the people does not cool down despite the harsh winter wind. Their indomitable determination to live and breathe keeps them going.

"Who said you were a cold and unfeeling Duke of the North...."

If you look at him at any angle, you'd obviously see otherwise. Of course, I like it better like this than what the book described.

"Here, eat this too Shu."

As I stared at Kyle, Sen came to me with honey-coated fruit skewers on both hands.

I took a big bite of what looked like Tanghulu. It was crunchy and juicy, the fruit itself tasted almost fresh, perhaps because of the cold northern climate. Before I knew it, I've already eaten all four of the skewered fruits.

It was a fruitful hour, I ate delicious food and met new people. It almost felt like I was free from everything.

But now it's time to go back, I looked back at everything with regret. My eyes which scanned the street landed on Kyle, who was distributing rations directly to the people.

Hmm, it was a good choice that I decided to save you.

"The only problem is, can I actually do it..."

"What did you say?"

"...Ah! It was nothing. I was just talking to myself. Thank you for the snack, I'm off now."

Sen tilted her head and asked,

"Why are you always in a hurry to leave every day? I haven't even seen you for more than an hour."

"That- It's, well it's complicated."

I want to stay longer too. There's a pile of food to eat from here to there. That beer, that homemade sausage, and beef jerky? Just imagining them is already making my mouth water.

I eventually returned to the castle with a bag of snacks.

'I should get home before Kyle comes back.'

I shouldn't make him worry this day, or else he might turn the study upside down trying to look for a hamster.

However, there was another problem I overlooked.

"Cashew Nut, as long as you're healthy, I have nothing else to wish for."

I ate too many again, so I went home full and turned a blind eye to the nuts left in the bowl. Kyle put the macadamia near my mouth trying to make me it, but I really couldn't take another bite.

The magicians came and said they still didn't feel any mana from me, and Kyle's face became dimmer at the suggestion that he inject more magical power to me.

Kyle wrapped a handkerchief around me and brought me to sleep with him in his bedroom. But what do I do, I can't sleep since I slept a lot during the day.

I spent the whole time tossing and turning around Kyle's sleeping face.

'You're quite handsome...'

This is what they mean by being full just by looking at a handsome face huh?

I can't get enough of it.

*

I have a lot of worries.

I did locate Belial's room. However, it was embarrassing to even pass by because of the knights guarding the door.

Is it tradition for the royal family to set up guard posts outside their bedroom? You live a strict life.

Agh! Listen people, I'm trying so hard to save your lives, but how is it a possible that not a single one of you take me seriously? That villain like chandelier! I get so upset looking at it. That item doesn't care for anyone's safety!

It has already been three days since I discovered Belial's room and have walked nearby to chance upon the prince. What can mulling over it do, I can only confront him and say it upfront.

Now that the banquet is just around the corner, if I keep wasting time like this, I'll end up sacrificing my body when the time comes just to prevent the accident.

There's nothing I can do, if I can't see you today, I'll have no choice but to enter your room through the window.

"Oh-"

Just then, I saw Belial walking at the hallway on the other side. There were several knights around him, but I could see his face when I tip-toed.

I apporached him in a heartbeat. There was no time to think. This is my last chance. My desperate voice called out,

"Prince!"

With a snap.

Belial's green eyes landed on my face the same time his knights drew their swords out and placed them near my neck. I could feel the cool sensation of the blades tightening on all sides of my neck.

If this continues, I might get cut just by swallowing saliva. Please go easy on me hmm. I was just calling out to the prince.

"Uhm, this is a little..."

Isn't this too much for someone who doesn't even have a weapon? Even if I was really crazy and tried to kick Belial, my legs wouldn't even reach his head.

Belial raised his hand.

"It's fine."

The problem was that even though the prince was amiable, the knights were not and started shouting at me as soon as they placed their cwords back.

"Be polite to His Highness!"

What? Why? Is there something I should do before greeting? Should I kneel?

Judging from the atmosphere, it seems like I should. When I stood up after kneeling, the atmosphere seemed to be better.

'I got it. I got it.'

I'm like a dirty, low-ranking commoner.

"I'm sorry to disturb His Highness' business like this but..."

I lowered my head and said,

"Please don't go to the banquet."

I'm not that good at talking, so rather than explaining my actions and why I'm asking him to do this, it's better to just say it directly.

Belial took a step closer to me. His shoes came into my view of the floor. Compared to my shoes which were dirty, his were sparkling clean. Is this the saying children from different families are different.

"There are only two days until the banquet, you don't want me to attend all of a sudden?"

"Yes."

"Even though I just received the invitation from the Grand Duke?"

"Yes."

I answered carelessly.

Why do you keep asking me ah? Are you going to block that falling chandelier with that invitaiton? If you get one shot, you should shoot it. If I can save you, then I'll save you.

I lifted my head slightly.

"I'm just informing the prince." The future of the North can only be protected if you are careful. I know nothing aside from that, I'm just a pet hamster who doesn't even pay for its own food.

"You're saying that as if someone has planned to hurt me at the banquet."

Belial whispered near my ear. His voice was clear and gentle, yet his words were cold and rough.

"That's not true."

I answered casually.

"If you're thinking that His Highness Kyle has plotted to kill you, he wouldn't wait and cause trouble at his own banquet to do it, Your Highness."

And Kyle will never want that to happen. He is a person who will never do that nor even think that in his mind.

He is the leader of the North. His actions are closely linked to the future of the people in this estate. And Kyle knows his responsibility. He is quite different from you who just came here and tried to cause a scandal.

"That's funny."

Belial laughed quietly, as if I had said something weird. Him and Kyle say the same stuff as if they were brothers.

He slid his arm and grabbed my chin with his fingers, tilted my face upwards and made eye contact with me. I thought a man couldn't be both gentle and rough, but he can definitely do it. In this sense, you could say he's a great man.

But of course, to other people, he probably just looks like a gentle and fairy like prince tilting my head to see my face.

"What a strange face. It looks unique."

It's because I'm a native Korean. Your Highness, if you go to Hongdae, or Sangsu or Hapjeong, you would find 500 people who look like me.

"Why are you stopping me from attending so desperately seeing as you're not even from the North?"

What should I say.

I can't just say, I don't want you to get hit by the chandelier and lead the North to destruction.

I feel like I've seen my future in a book if I do say those words to you, my life will end with a sword slicing my throat.

Somebody help me!

Is it possible that there's someone who's fate is tied to Belial, will step in for me, just coincidentally.

"Perhaps..."

They're here.

"They just didn't want you and the grand duke to be upset during the banquet."

I turned my head in delight and saw Sen, who was holding hamster toys and snacks in her arms.

'That's right!'

[ (*≧▽≦)ﾉｼ ]

'... Although I'm still quite nervous.'

It isn't a lie that I'm happy right now.

Sen came closer to me with a smile. Is it just me? There seemed to be a halo around her right now.

T/N I do hope Sen/Serena stays this way and doesn't harm Soohyun/Shu or Kyle in the future ☆ｏ(＞＜；)○

novel ⠀✿⠀ next

[sirenjose]

Melly Backstory Analysis

Melly started out as a “commoner” according to her social status, as well as the talk about Melly’s home village in her 1st letter and the lack of money her family has. It is because of this need that her parents placed “such pressure” on her and called her an “old maiden”.

Calling someone an “old maiden” basically means Melly’s parents were commenting about her not having a husband. At least today, it’s usually derogatory (especially in a way as if they don’t think the person will ever get married).

Her parents though seem a bit… out of touch with Melly. They comment “but I cannot remember a single time anything ever caused you to become upset, ever since you were a child” while the villagers apparently better knew Melly, which was she was unhappy about what they were doing (the pressure and “old maiden” comment). If she’s been like this since she was a child, it seems there’s a good chance this is how they’ve always acted with her. This may mean her parents may have been fairly strict with Melly as she was growing up, not understanding her own interests and likes, prioritizing themselves, and at least not spending enough time asking or thinking about how she may feel or what she may want or think.

This is further emphasized with how they say “we just hope that you can marry well”. Their focus is having enough money and making sure Melly gets married. They don’t seem to have even asked her input on this, or even if they did, probably not in a super understanding way. There really isn’t any mention of what Melly may want. It seems she has to do whatever her parents ask or want of her.

So off Melly goes and becomes a maid at a manor. Once again we see further emphasis on how her parents are with how their first line in the letter is “Your father and I have been waiting anxiously for whatever you can spare this month”. This is before they ask for a word from her or to hear how she is. It shows what their priorities are.

I do wonder about “you can also send along a word or two as you did before”. She at least wrote back about going to marry the lord, but how often does she write otherwise? Makes me wonder if that’s how it’s usually been, even when she was growing up. She must’ve been a fairly quiet, lonely child, unless she spent most of her time away from her parents with the other villagers or outside of their home, which still implies stuff about her.

In any case, she tells her parents that she’s going to marry the lord of the manor (I wonder if this was the 1st time she’d spoken to them in awhile? If she doesn’t talk or write to them much I mean). Her parents, who did want her to marry well, were still shocked after hearing them. So it seems they didn’t expect her to marry *that* well. I doubt that means they didn’t have faith in her to do that well, but the thought did cross my mind anyways.

Melly says she’s been researching insects to have something to talk to him about. We know from Melly’s brief story in the first part of Ashes of Memory Episode 2 that her husband was a “renowned biologist” himself. So in that way, it makes sense for Melly to study insects to be able to have something to talk to him about and get closer to him. The fact her parents don’t understand how this should help shows the didn’t know anything about the lord of the manor Melly works under, even though “the other girls” from the village are implied to go work at the manor as well. Her parents did say they have “never set foot out side the village”, which sort of like with Melly kind of shows how they’re primarily focused on themselves, doing what they need to, and just keeping doing whatever works.

1 thought I had is, maybe Melly was already semi interested in insects before now, but even if she wasn’t, it was during this time when she really started wanting to be an entomologist. Having to study to be able to talk to the lord of the manor about something he also studied, as well as her conversations with him about the subject, probably helped grow this desire over time. It may have been because of this Melly finally discovered something that she enjoyed doing, not just something she had to do for her parents.

So much so she continued researching it even after her husband’s death.

Once again we see more of her parents’ personality when they talk about a good woman being 1 who does all the housework, manages the manor, and is from a good family. They want her to focus on her work, not on what they see is a risk to her losing her job.

To them, they just want Melly to keep doing her job, don’t step out of line, and don’t do anything that she isn’t told to do. I wonder, could we say Melly’s parents are the type who believe in “following the crowd” and “jumping on the bandwagon”? Doing what others are doing, not really trying something different or taking risks. Melly on the other hand seems the opposite. She wants to do her own thing, she wants more freedom, wants to follow her interests if she can, even if that means taking a risk.

Her parents seem to confirm this when they say they are “afraid that if you aim too high, we won't be able to catch you when you fall”. Though earlier before this they did also say they “do not have much to offer you”, which to me feels like they rely pretty heavily on Melly to do stuff for them.

I do still think they do love Melly, as they do say “we hope you can live the best life you can” and to not “sacrifice yourself for the sake of marriage”, but like I said earlier, they seem a bit out of touch with Melly’s interests and also want to play it safe.

It’s from here we get into Melly’s deductions. She does eventually marry the lord of the manor, who we learn is named Joshua Plinius, but it doesn’t remain a happy marriage. We know it ends with his death due to a rare but deadly species of bees.

Before then, we see her deductions mention “sleeping pills” (though we don’t know for sure who they were for. Melly is highly likely, if she wanted it to help her sleep if she was having an unhappy time with him, or maybe she wanted to sleep as a way to avoid him, or it’s possible she used it on him, if not the other way around), Joshua complains of her being “stuck in her own ways” (considering the title of this deduction mentions “individuality”, he may literally mean in her ways, as in her trying to do what she wants then let him tell her what to do, potentially if she wanted him to see her as an equal rather than beneath him. Maybe that’s also why she studied insects. To potentially prove herself, or maybe as she was studying and talking with him, she got the idea of trying to be his equal or just as good as him and have him acknowledge that), they get divorced, she’s seemingly invited to be a teacher, then we get into the lead up to her husband’s death.

Based on her thinking “How will I face the rest of my years with so much missing in my life?”, it seems to be Melly was tired of not being able to do more of what she wanted, of being restricted by those around her, and of being restricted. It’s soon after this she’s mentioned surrounded by bees (which could tie to the 1 that killed her husband) and then her stating “I know what will grant me eternal joy within my mind”. This, combined with her last deduction, should mean she likely made up her mind to kill her husband.

She did say her husband was “extremely meticulous” to his research and even “toward people”. If he showed a lot of attention to details, that could imply he was very particular about various aspects about Melly. He may have been demanding about the things he didn’t like, which potentially eventually wore Melly down until she felt she had to do something.

It is never explicitly stated that she killed him, but this seems the most likely option. Melly says she came her to find out about the bee that killed her husband, as the manor delivered to her a bee specimen that matched with the 1 that killed him. She says she came here to play the game in exchange for the manor owner giving info about that bee species and what caused her husband’s death. But it’s also possible that may not be entirely true.

She said her husband was “meticulous” and ergo that means being very careful. Maybe he was the type not willing to research something so risky or dangerous. Or maybe she in general researched stuff he wasn’t comfortable with, which then irritated him as we see in his deductions, but she refused to stop.

If we go with the idea she caused her husband’s death, and thus she’s the 1 who used the bee on him, rather than to learn about the bee and how her husband died, which she already knows, maybe she came because the manor knowing about that rare bee species implies someone else may have known what she did.

In Orfeo, Melly will leave if she learns you’re a detective or likes to reveal the truth of cold cases. She doesn’t want people to learn she murdered her husband. So, she’s coming to find out who knows and potentially silence them, or to do something for that person in order to guarantee that person won’t reveal what she did to the police.

Melly’s newest B-tier has the description: “With each passing day, the face beneath the veil became more and more unfamiliar, even to herself”. I don’t think she wants people to learn what she did, but I also think Melly is guilty to some degree about killing her husband.

She did start out as a poor but normal village girl, before becoming a maid and then wife of the manor owner. Her parents weren’t very understanding of her and were likely fairly restrictive. She couldn’t show if she was upset or unhappy, she just did whatever her parents wanted her to do. But based on her interest in entomology, I think to some extent she would’ve been happy as a regular villager. Which I think is reflected partially by how she hides her face. She doesn’t care if people think she’s beautiful. She just wants to focus on her research (which I think also partially developed due to growing up as a quiet, fairly lonely child due to who her parents were, so in a sense she’s also always been alone and this is just what she’s always known. That but it’s also likely she’s just the type to prefer the quiet and away from crowds.

Like Norton, I think she was mainly only interested in ensuring she had enough to provide for herself, but after that, she didn’t care about moving up to be the lady of a manor. What she’s wanted even more was freedom to do what she wanted and to follow her own interests and dreams (which is also funny as how that is just like Norton too, who we know only became a miner because his father was one. But similar to Melly, at least he did have an interest in precious ores and metals, which he has a chance to pursue as a “prospector” rather than “miner”, though that was only at the end after everything else). But she’s never been able to do so, first because of her parents, and then because of her husband. Like with Norton, she’s eventually worn down until she stops and thinks about how she’ll be able to live with herself after having missed out on so much and doing so little of what she’s always wanted to do. Everyone wants something from her, but she can never want something herself. Even when she’s finally found something she enjoys, entomology, her husband continues to not want her to have and individuality or restricts what she can do. Eventually she reaches her breaking point, when she decides to go through with a plan to kill her husband and achieve the freedom she’s always wanted.

But she’s very different from who she used to be. She’s no longer just a simple village girl. She’s also lost her innocence now that she’s killed her husband, even if it was because she felt she had no choice. She’s gained her freedom (both from her parents via the money by marrying her husband, and from her husband by killing him), but is she completely happy with herself?

I think like Norton, where he says “they were just unlucky” in his last deduction, in a way she may be trying to justify her actions to herself to help her deal.

As we see with her recent B-tier “Everyday Life”, she sees to hint towards this idea, considering she Is finding it hard to recognize herself, after how much she’s changed, both for good and bad. I wonder if another part of the reason she hides her face is because she’s not happy with who she sees in the mirror? She did want freedom from her husband and parents, so even if she doesn’t regret killing him, I do think she may have preferred it happen a different way. Like if they’d just given her some control, some ability to be an individual. But this isn’t a perfect world and people don’t always get what they want, just like Norton didn’t find gold even after going through 13 different mines.

As I said before, maybe it’s just me, but it feels like Norton and Melly have several similarities. Both didn’t have a choice with the life or environment they got, where they ended up, or what they had to do. In a way, it is both their parents faults for this happening. Then over time, they become so desperate they did something they maybe regret. In some part of their mind, they acknowledge what they did and that it was wrong, which is why we see both of them trying to justify their actions, which implies they both feel some amount of guilt, especially with Melly avoiding people and Norton avoiding the mine and being a miner completely (and both don’t want to talk to detectives).

If Melly has some feelings of guilt, I wonder if for now she’s trying to cope by avoiding thinking about it. Such as by immersing herself in her work, to give herself no time to think, and going out into nature, versus being in the manor where her husband died or even around people. Then there’s the veil she wears, which both may serve as a way to hide from people as well as herself and the person she sees in the mirror.

[mammonistheman]

Headcanons of how it is like to be in a poly relationship with Solomon, Simeon, Diavolo, and Barbatos?

rjjr thank you so much for the request!! I love these guys sm istg 😭😭 I'm currently still in deep depression so life and my will to write is moving slowly

Also idk if this is good idk what i was writing I'm half asleep writing these mostly

A poly relationship between...

You, Solomon, Simeon, Diavolo; and Barbatos;;

As of dating the "side characters"; it will be a surprise how close you've all grown as of you living in the House Of Lamentation. Most of the time, still acting as the House of Lamentation is your home, you'll also be over to visit Simeon, Solomon and Luke on a daily basis when not in school.

You'll be sleeping over on the many nights as well; only getting angered texts from Lucifer the morning after as you forget to tell him once again.

Majorly; they all will be helping you will your work and what you need to get done. With that being said; study nights will be a sneaky date thing for Solomon; while more with Simeon it would be for the fact you're studying and quality time.

You three collectively will be parental figures for Luke; and will probably find the time to also take him to arcades or festivals yourselves when the time roles round.

Actually; fair enough; Barbatos would also be a parental figure but Diavolo would be like an awkward step-dad trying to have quality time with the child.

But as of Lord Diavolo and Barbatos; you can only really come over once or twice a week depending on how much work the Lord has to do. It's not rare for you to come over randomly to save the handsome Prince with your own knowledge and understanding; helping him with his paper work up until Barbatos realizes and forces you two to have a break.(Up until its just Diavolo working again)

With this said, there will also be so many times that Diavolo will sneak out with you to hang around and cause trouble with Solomon. After all, Simeon would see the bad in the situation and call for Barbatos; and it wasn't worth the risk for the little jokes you're pulling.

You will all collectively be cooking together, helping Diavolo with anything he may need a hand with and trying to supervise Solomon and stop him from turning the food into monstrous beings of goop and slime.

Also with that being said, date nights can either go two different ways.

Way number one; with the grand money and expenses the soon to be King of the Devildom has, he'll spoil you all with a expensive treat or meal. A full coarse meal, cliche and maybe even lit by candle light, roses as decoration on the table. Or with whatever anniversary for you're relationship will be held for, so all angels demons and humans will be there on the count of the judgment of you all, to dance and sing in a marvelous ball. There will be alcohol and crazy substances, still probably landing you a goofy or messy night with them all.

Or way number two; a simple sleepover/movie night with you all cuddled up against each other, covered in blankets and eating popcorn or treats depending on your craving for the night. This could also lead onto the arcade or more fun activities you will do as a group. Luke would be devastated to hear the news that he cannot come; but you, Simeon, Barbatos and Diavolo will happily gift him with whatever he wanted in the mean time.

Oh; and for calmer, more controlled dates; would have to be mini tea party's. These may be more shared out with Simeon and Barbatos; actually enjoying the tea, Diavolo feating on actual treats to eat, with Solomon also trying to force his own food upon you all.

Naturally; you all will spend all free time texting, calling, having lunch and ect. Although this will be difficult because you have built stable relationships and pacts with the brothers, and will be interrupted by them in most cases.

You and everyone else will teach Simeon how to control mechanics for the D.D.D or other technology. No hesitation, he will always be coming up to you guys asking for help.

Overall; i actually see this as a cute poly relationship fr 😭😭 it has the perfect balance of responsibility and silly activities, with you in the middle taking whatever side you see fits for the situation

[prongsmydeer]

Ayesha Liveblogs Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story

The opening credits are beautiful, I'll give them that

"I know that no one who looks like you or me has ever married one of these people, ever." Bridgerton: Now Even More Suspicious When It Comes to Depictions of Race

Even permitting for the thirteen children, Queen Charlotte seems pretty neutral about her granddaughter's [redacted] LOL

"Very brown. Thoughts?" Me walking into parties in high school

Not Lady Danbury's Crypt Keeper-ass husband removing his teeth to sleep

"Lord Danbury. Imagine." [Tensely] "I am imagining." Lady Danbury knows that a title needs an heir

"You may be too beautiful to marry me. People will talk, given that I am a troll." George is handsome to the point of distraction

"Either way, the choice is entirely up to her." I know it's like bare minimum but I do appreciate George reinforcing Charlotte's autonomy in the matter of their marriage

Charlotte changing outfits is fun for two reasons 1) That she is showing that she will be her own woman as Queen and 2) The superstition around seeing the bride in her dress before the wedding

Honestly, honestly. Get u a man who will bequeath u an investment property and give u ur space whenever you want it.

"Do we not spend this night together? My governness said that is what happens on our wedding night." [Pregnant pause] "Fine. I shall stay." What is George's deal? Surely even the pretense of consummation is necessary?

George from Bridgerton 🤝Derek from Swan Princes: How to Offend Women in Five Syllables or Less

Charlotte does not mince words for her Virgin and Whore Adult Children:

"Your father and I made 15 royal babies all by ourselves. I do not see why the whole lot of you cannot make just one." Mad props for surviving 15 rounds of childbirth in Georgian England

Say what you will about Charlotte's currently loveless marriage, at least she's eating good food

HAHAHAH we finally get gay characters in this show and it's Five Steps Behind Brimsley and There's Nothing Wrong With His Bits Other Guy

Justice for Benedict and Eloise, who are bisexual and lesbian to meeee

"I do not know a single soul here except for you. I'm completely alone, and you prefer the sky to me." Even if George refuses to be a husband to Charlotte, he can at least be a friend

"What if he puts another one of his gigantic babies inside me?" Am I to take this as Lady Danbury has living children or nah

George sending Charlotte a dog is another green flag

Thank God for Lady Danbury, no one will ever tell the Bridgerton women what sex is when they ought to

"But it can be such a pleasure." "Or it can be a painful, lifelong sentence." Danbury vs. Bridgerton: Marriage dichotomy edition

"I do not like the part where my head hits the wall over and over again. Is there a way to avoid that?" "Yes, there is a way to avoid that." George said: I want to be on bottom 🥰

George said: I am about to ruin the energy of our whole marriage in less than a minute

Is the King's tremor meant to represent his already being in the midst of his disease? :((

"Mother was going on and on to all the ladies at tea that their love means we now live in an unnatural society." Violet's mum said: The energy of this show isn't rank enough, time to be racist

Violet's dad calling her both Beauty and Brains as she asks questions 💝I love him

"So they are exactly like us. Better in some cases considering that several of them are from royal families of their own, and have much more money than we do." Violet said: I'm an ally

HAHAHAH George and Charlotte working out their issues in classic Bridgerton style, via sex montage

"It would be difficult for you to hear about the Queen being with child long after the fact, would it not?" Lady Danbury said: I will go to ANY length to avoid spending time with my husband (fair)

"I planned some correspondence that I need to write, so the time was useful." Agatha, Master of Dissassociation

Not Mama Ledger dissing the Tween Mozart LMAO

"I told you that I enjoy science. Part of that science is agriculture. I enjoy farming." "So King George is... Farmer George?" There's the Farmer George I've heard so much about

"Why do you not understand that you hold our fates in your hands?" Something something the distance from the nobility to the class it rules something something labour from women of colour (and specifically Black women) something something Bridgerton bringing up the outward dynamics of racial inequity while refusing to interrogate the fact Nearly Every Single Black Female Character of Significance AND Simon Has Had Their Reproductive Autonomy Taken Away (Simon's mother, Marina, Lady Danbury, Queen Charlotte)

Shout-out Brimsley and NWWHB (Nothing Wrong With His Bits) for being my emotional support background couple

"You can be a person with me." George and Charlotte uniting over their common understanding of their duty to support the nation ❤️

Lady Danbury and Lord Ledger ending racism one dance at a time

"Thank you." "You never have to thank me. We are a team." This line would've absolutely KILLED IT had it not been for the fact that Voltron already used this line in 2018, in a more emotionally substantive context (Shout-out my boy Shiro)

Not Lady Danbury and her homie Coral giggling and hugging because Lord Danbury is deceased (good for them)

Flhkfjhfkjhf Lady Danbury's 'Sorry I offended you about your dead husband, mine sucked,' tea is a social event on its own

"I was in the sky, but now I am going inside. Into Buckingham House." Charlotte immediately understanding that she needs to work within George's delusions :(

"Tell me, what would the people prefer: A royal baby, or cheap bread?" These principles do make for a good ruler, it is a shame about The Illness

"You command an entire kingdom. You can command yourself." George said: Friendship ended with early-onset neurological dysfunction, now personal affirmations are my best friend

(I really hope someone has done fanart from this ep with George and that meme 'I am no longer mentally ill')

Tfjfjhfjfhf imagine if instead of finding me the right meds for my nerve pain, my doctor just slapped me in the face and told me to get a hold of myself. Georgian England Medicine do be rough

"Her perfection is matched only by my deformity." Fuck. I did not anticipate how deeply Farmer George's story would hit from a place of like. Self-imposed exclusion due to living in a broken body. But damn

Did it really take until four episodes in for NWWHB aka the King's Man aka Brimsley's boyfriend aka Reynolds to get a name?

I am enjoying the retrospective on all of these events from George's side of things

"And just like an animal, I will break you." I no longer enjoy the retrospective on George's side of things

It really is the Ultimate Gesture that he's getting tortured so he can get be well enough to know his wife

If nothing else, the King has a solid homie in Reynolds

Really fair of Charlotte to be upset to be uninformed of what George was going through, but brutal that he's going back to Doctor Mon(ster)ro

"Do you suppose the Queen ever seeks...?" Omg I wouldn't expect Violet to be so saucy

Why are all the middle-aged women rising from their beds in the night is this going to be like that Glee song where everyone simultaneously discovers masturbation

"Loneliness is a battle even queens must fight for themselves." Penelope Featherington, somewhere: I gotta make fun of the Queen for having a mentally-ill husband

I'm pretty sure this captioning is incorrect, and what George is saying is, "Doctor! Doctor!" and not "Torture! Torture!" But both are accurate I suppose

Hahahaha not to add insult to injury for Violet, but Lady Danbury made eye contact with Violet's dad at Lord Danbury's funeral like she was thinking he was beekeeping age

"It's not surprising you should mourn him, he was your husband." You don't have to like someone to feel weird that they're dead

"I was three when my parents promised me. When a deal was struck. Three years old. So, I was raised to be his wife." Agatha's parents said have you heard of grooming? We have brought it down to a science

The People of Colour in Nobility raise fair points about succession

"I am sorry to report that she remains alive and well, Your Majesty." Brimsley said treason is allowed if it's funny

"Paint her skin lighter. Pale. His Majesty wants her to glow." 70% of fanart for any given fandom LMAO (also shout-out to the real world contention around images of Queen Charlotte)

"I will see you here tomorrow. Same time. You will wear better shoes. We can ramble together." I KNEWWWW there was some eye contact going on [Agatha as Animatronic Fox voice] I'm gonna fuck your dad, Violet

"Your garden is in bloom." "It is blooming out of control." It IS going to be like that scene from Glee

"Georgie, be a good boy and approve your brothers' marriages." "...I approve." The Princes forgot that there is one power that trumps even the monarchy: Being a mama's boy

"Your body is not your own." Welcome 2 having a uterus

At least Aldophus would be willing to intervene if his sister were in physical danger

"Rambles are there." "Rambles are there." "I am there." This would be so romantic if it were not directed at her future friend's dad LMAO

Agatha, somewhere in the present: My garden bloomed for your father once, Violet

"The hard part is done," said Princess Augusta, as if being married to a person losing grip on themselves for the remainder of their life is not a hard part

There is something that feels like empathy about Augusta saying that Charlotte never has to see her husband again, even if it's immediately followed by the clarification they could need another heir

Brimsley reaching out to Charlotte but unable to reach her due to Georgian social graces

I do feel for Reynolds, in his being caught and unable to do anything to help his partner or his friend/King

It is funny that we have not once seen Agatha interact with her children, given how family oriented the main plot of the show is. Historically accurate, mayhaps, but omg

"What do any of the women of the ton know of true friendship?" Agatha said: FRIENDSHIP IS FOR MEN AND THE POOR

"We are untold stories. And yesterday, you told me something of your story. And I, thank you." "You are most welcome." I love Lady Bridgerton and Lady Danbury's friendship ❤️

"It did not bloom until after he was gone." With your dad, Violet!

"I want to be gardened as much as possible." Violet said: Now that I have found my libido, I am open for business

Dominic Danbury is sooo cute I want a million more scenes of the world's tiniest noble:

I do love how they give specific context to what royal connections the Danbury family has in Sierra Leone, rather than leaving their noble connections in ambiguity

I know Charlotte's the queen but damn imagine having someone who has just stationed their whole business in your drawing room before you got home

"Where will Your Majesty go?" "Why, I have come here." Charlotte said: Be a pal and commit treason with me, Agatha

Agatha and Charlotte deciding to start their friendship sincerely 💗I love women

"I'm afraid." "Afraid of what?" "That I will not be able to love her." "Love is not a thing one is able or not able to do based on some magic. Some chemistry. That is for plays. Love is determination. Love is a choice one makes." Charlotte said: Love is companionship, William

"And these youthful fits shall become mere embarrassing memories." 1) Adolphus, you say this with the slightest bit of context as to why Charlotte left and 2) Not a good time to use the word 'fits,' it's a sensitive topic

"And I am not... coming inside." Finally the prophecy of dad fucking is fulfilled

Charlotte said: That's enough of this medical malpractice

You know, I didn't really keep a good count of Agatha's kids. Are there four already or does she potentially give birth to her homie's half-sibling LMAO

Also: It is deeply weird that Papa Ledger's method of hitting on people is the birthday hat he also makes for his daughter

Violet has now found the birthday hat; to be expected but unfortunate for all involved. Does she think it was her husband or does she know it was her dad?

"I see them. Do you not?" Brimsley is ride or die for Charlotte 4ever

"I love you. From the mo... from the moment I saw you trying to go over the garden wall, I have loved you desperately. I cannot breathe when you are not near. I love you Charlotte. My heart calls your name. I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know." COMMUNICATION

I love the double meaning in the last two lines, because it bridges right into him telling her about his condition so it's both "I wanted to tell you (that I love you)," and "I wanted to tell you (that I have been bearing this)."

"Perhaps one day [Violet] will have an unimpeachable reputation. Just like yours." I think this is how Papa Ledger has chosen to break up with Agatha

"I do not remember names. I am female." Me when I lie

"You do not know us. Any of us. You do not learn about us. You do not care for what we care for." Generational trauma: Royal edition

"They will be together, have a marriage, grow old as one. We would serve them together." "A lifetime." Gay marriage: Royal aide edition

"Losing a husband is... inconvenient." Augusta said: Sorrows, sorrows, prayers

"I will not engage with the princess. I've promised the Queen friendship." Agatha said: Loyal homies before royal homies

"Brimsley. Have you any family? Did you never marry?" Incredible that after approximately 30 years, Charlotte has not once asked Brimsley about his personal life. Oh, rich people

Lady Danbury is too honourable to ask Charlotte for help, even though she needs help with title succession :(

"I have loved and been loved. And that is all I shall say." Lady Danbury said: I will never admit to sleeping with your dad, Violet

"There is womanly work afoot." HAHAHA me when I want a man to leave

Were I Charlotte, I would not take kindly to the horse comparison, no matter how helpful it was

"And over the years, I learned I need not be content to surrender myself to the uselessness of female pursuits. Instead, I secured my son as King." Augusta said: Crying is for women, we are politicians

You know, all this talk of Parliament has suddenly reminded me how anachronistic George's haircut is. I wonder if he will finally put on a wig

"You have been an admirable adversary thus far. Our battles bring me satisfaction. So this, will not do. You are not allowed to come here and sob. You may not quit. Cover your bruises and endure. Do not lose control of your fate, Agatha." HAHAHAHA I can't believe Augusta is giving Agatha a pep talk and a shot of alcohol mid-title negotiation. That's mentorship

"I am sorry." Is George hiding under the bed? LMAO

Update from ten seconds later: He is

Sometimes, love is not about who will pull you out from beneath the bed, but who will get under the bed with you

"Not a full me. Not a full marriage. Only half. Half a man. Half a king. half a life." "If what we have is half, then we shall make it the very best half." 💘Oh Charlotte

I know Agatha doesn't NEED to marry a Prince, but I think it'd be fun if she did

"I will not say words with hearts and flowers, because I know you are not a hearts and flowers woman. But there is something here. Between us. I believe we could be happy together." Yet another marriage of companionship about to be tossed over for passion. Why does no one on this show what to marry someone who simply wants to provide them a life of kindness!!! (I know in Agatha's case, Lord Ledger is also kind, but not kind enough not to cheat on his wife and introduce his daughter to his mistress. Soooooo)

Why do they cut to the back-and-forth between invitation and sex like it is necessary preparation for the ball hahahhaa

George is representing a very real mental health experience of when you spend a long time in your house and then you experience like mild agoraphobia when you have to be outside again

Literally no one at this ball has hair like George LMAO. But why am I seeking anything historical in the Shonda Rhimes Cinematic Universe:

"I cannot marry you, but only because I cannot marry anyone." I respect this position if it's coming from a point of independence rather than for a different man. I love her regaining agency over the direction of her life!

HOWEVER. HOWEVER. AGATHA. GIRL. YOU HAVE NO INCOME. WILD OF YOU TO DENY ALL SAFETY NETS FOR YOUR SURVIVAL

"You make him happy. Thank you, your Majesty." This is the closest thing to a compliment Charlotte will ever receive from her mother-in-law

This show is pretty bittersweet, given all that we know becomes of the Queen and King in the future

Shout-out to Brimsley and Reynold's relationship for being the saving grace of this show

Hahahaha Charlotte finally gets her one (1) legitimate grandchild after 50 ones that she does not care to know about

"I only did not wish to place my burdens on top of your own." Agatha 💞

"I suggest your shift your fear into faith and come to us with your concerns directly. To do otherwise would suggest we are incapable of addressing them." Charlotte is such a good Queen

Charlotte said: Your mum WAS right about my child-bearing hips!

"I believe you should leave the hats where they are. They are lovely. As you say, cheerful." This is as close as Lady Danbury will come to acknowledging the dad-fucking

GEORGE NOW BEING THE ONE TO JOIN CHARLOTTE UNDER THE BED. THEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

"Your line will live on." "Our line." "Our line." Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The splicing between the young version of George and Charlotte and their younger selves. This is really getting to my heart.

"You did not go over the wall." "No George, I did not go over the wall." I'M GOING TO CRY, THIS IS MY FAVOURITE OF THE BRIDGERTON SEASONS 😭😭😭 ROMANCE!!

[inafieldofdaisies]

OCs (muses, whatever your heart desires) as historical romance archetypes | uquiz | tagged by @corvosattano and @jackiesarch 💗

Listen, first, I so heard most of the questions and answers in Peter's (from The Great) voice, they just ooze his energy. Same for the results. 😂

The Rake: Oh, the rake. "Rake" is a broad term, and a lot of heroes can BE rakes, there's a certain iconic vibe to a Rake Classic. A rake FUCKS. And not in an annoying way. Like, a rake would slip out of your bed, kiss you gently, and say "I'm so glad we shared this time together" in a way that suggests you'll never see him again, but you'll still say thank you. A rake doesn't want to settle down, but he deeply appreciates women. He may say things like "I actually think women do have rights. Hell, perhaps they should even vote" because he's like... not a feminist, but a big believer in the power of pussy. He doesn't HATE love, it's just not for him. Until it is. Rakes can often fence, do a gentlemanly boxing, and perhaps duel, but they are *not* your first choice in a fight. They are probably beloved at the local brothels, both because they fuck so good and because they spend all their money there. A rake may be titled; however, he may also be a second son (womp womp). It's vERY possible that a rake has mommy issues. Give him time, and he will confide in you. Probably while telling you that is why... he cannot love. The rake may not be good at a lot of things that aren't sex. This might be his secondary crisis, and his arc might involve "Rake Gets Job?"

okay, but why is this kinda accurate 😂

The Good Guy: Isn't that great for you? The good guy isn't a NICE guy. He doesn't expect sexual favors because he's nice to you; and he's so charming, he can probably get laid elsewhere. He may have a tragic backstory and a fatal flaw, but that's not going to get him down. He doesn't play at alpha male bullshit, and he may not be a duke, or a lord, or the owner of the world's first department store. But he's a Solid Guy. He will love, honor, and obey, and he will NOT! Do a nonsense. He will, however, eat pussy. He's a good guy.

LESLIE. 😂😂😂😂LESSSLLIIIE.

and for giggles, ignoring this is aimed at heroes... let's see what Mercedes would get as a test to see if it's accurate for the girls

The Villain: HARK! 'TIS A VILLAIN! GUARD YOUR VIRGINITY WITH YOUR LIFE!!! "A villain" means many things, it's true. But a historical romance is often referred to as a villain in text, whether or not he has actually committed any actual crimes. He may be the King of the London Underworld (what underworld? shut up), he may be a guy who's crossed the line from rake to "oh this is very much something that would get you 5 to 10" (let's not name names), he may be a guy who did something so terrible to you when y'all were young and it broke you it BROKE YOU and now he's back and looking FINE. The key to the villain is that he must be dragged by the balls emotionally (sometimes literally) until he is at his heroine's feet, a broken man, who would do literally anything to have her. Like, he may NOT be redeemed. He may stay bad. Or he may settle down and become a loving father of four. But no matter what, a villain will always happily gut someone like a fish if they even look at you wrong. And that's, frankly, super hot. Note: villains will often commit their main crimes in prior books. Evil cackling while he forces you into marriage optional.

Ummm. Yes? 😂😂😂😂 Cackling at the "gut someone like a fish" bit. She would.

Tagging @poisonedtruth @socially-awkward-skeleton @strafethesesinners @strangefable @direwombat @chazz-anova @voidika @adelaidedrubman @nightbloodbix @jillvalentinesday @madparadoxum @v0idbuggy @josephseedismyfather @josephslittledeputy @dumbassdep @clicheantagonist @redreart @purplehairsecretlair @aceghosts @shegetsburned @florbelles and anyone that would like to do the tag 💗

[pardi-real]

Butler's Halloween / Chapter 8 - Making Sweets

Prev | All | Next

[Devil's Palace, Kitchen]

One day, before the costume party at the mansion was about to take place, I stopped by the kitchen...

I found Lono, Nac, and Fennesz were discussing something there.

> "I wonder what they're talking about?"

Lono: "Halloween is all about sweets, isn't it! I'm sure the party-goers are expecting delicious treats as well. Let's make lots of delicious sweets to meet everyone's expectations!"

Nac: "Yes, you're right, Lono. Unfortunately, our budget is limited this time, so.... We cannot spend much on ingredients. Please don't forget that…"

Fennesz: "Oh, then... How about pumpkin scones? When we made the pumpkin lanterns, we had a lot of leftovers, didn't we?"

Lono: "Oh, right! We still have some pumpkins left. If we use that, we should be able to save a lot of money."

Nac: "I see, I see… There was that method as well."

Fennesz: "But… I'm not sure if a party with only pumpkin scones would be good enough...?"

Lono: "Hmmm… yeah. We need to secure other ingredients first..."

*Close-up* Nac: "Oh? My lord, you are here."

> "Seems like you guys are struggling."

Nac: "Yes… As a matter of fact, indeed we are.  We have spent too much on costumes and decorations, so we'd like to keep the ingredients cost as low as possible, but… We're still not willing to compromise on ensuring everyone's satisfaction when it comes to the party."

Lono: "Yes, exactly.  It would be better to have not only scones, but also Mont Blanc–.... Hmm? Mont Blanc…? Right… I forgot all about it."

Fennesz: "Huh? What is it Lono?"

Lono: "Chestnuts! It's the chestnuts! I know a place in the forest where we can pick delicious chestnuts. All the forests around here are on the Devil's Palace property. If we use those chestnuts, we can save a lot of money, don't you think?"

Fennesz: "I see… there was that method too."

Nac: "Nice idea, Lono! Let's go get some chestnuts right away."

> "Let me help"

Nac: "What? You would… my lord?"

> "Because I want to help you too"

Nac: "Fufu… Thank you very much.  I would not normally bother you, but.... To be honest... The more help we can get now, the better. I will take you at your word… and ask for your help, my lord."

> "Yeah, leave it to me"

[Forest around Devil's Palace]

As we entered the forest near the mansion... The area was completely red with autumn leaves. It was a different kind of beauty from the forests we are used to see.

> "So pretty…"

Nac: "Yes, it really is beautiful. Just seeing this view makes it worth coming."

Lono: "My lord, please take our hands when you walk so you don't fall down. It would be dangerous if you were to slip or fall."

Fennesz: "That's right. You never know what's on the ground, hidden in the fallen leaves… Oh, it's a pinkmottle woodwax!"

> "Fennesz?"

Fennesz, who seems to have found a mushroom, crouches happily on the ground.

Fennesz: "Wow~ I didn't know it grew in such a place. Fufu. They're slightly bitter, but that's what gives it a mature flavor…"

> "You really know a lot about mushrooms"

Fennesz: "Oh, I'm sorry… When I find mushrooms, I get carried away. It can't be used for sweets, but... since we're here, let's harvest these too. It's a good way to save money on food."

> "You're right"

Nac: "Fufu… Thank you as always, Mr. Fennesz. Every year around this time, thanks to the mushrooms you gather, the finances of the mansion receive strong support."

Fennesz: "R-really? Well, it's kind of a hobby of mine... Oh, right. There should be some parasol mushrooms and larch boletes growing wild a little further down the road… I'll pick those up later, too."

Lono: "What... How do you know that? I'm familiar with the food in this forest… and yet I don't know where the mushrooms are."

Fennesz: "Yeah, about that… The truth is, I've been keeping records  ever since I came to this mansion. I keep track of the topography of the mountains, and when and where the mushrooms grow… I try to be as detailed as possible."

Lono: "F-for real? That's awesome…"

> "How meticulous"

Nac: "Yes, indeed. As expected of Mr. Fennesz."

Fennesz: "No, it's not that big of a deal. When I first came here, I was... well, I was simply desperate. I mean, Haures and Boschi, who were my age, had always been stronger than me. Since I couldn't defeat them in battle... I had to find other ways to contribute to the mansion. This mushroom note is one of them."

Nac: "I see... So you have been searching for your own way to be of service to everyone. That's wonderful...! We should learn from your attitude."

Lono: "That's right.  I also receive strong support, thanks to Mr. Fennesz! You bring me mushrooms that I can't buy in the market… You also tell me 'how to cook these mushrooms and how delicious they are'. You teach me things that I don't know."

Fennesz: "Th-thank you. I'm glad to hear you say that. But right back at you, Lono… Thank you for always making delicious food for us."

Lono: "No problem! I've always liked cooking."

Fennesz: "But... Isn't it hard to plan a menu for everyone every day? And in Lono's case, you make more than 10 servings for every meal. If I were in charge of cooking, I'd have been exhausted by now."

> "Yes, it does sound like a lot of work"

Lono: "Hehe… Well, it's pain in the neck sometimes, but… when people eat my cooking and tell me, 'it's delicious' It makes me happy… and makes me 'want to cook' again. I think 'I need to make even tastier food' for you guys."

Nac: "Fufu… I really have to thank you, Lono. For someone like me who doesn't like meat...  Every time, you take that into consideration and always prepare such delicious dishes."

Lono: "Don't worry about it, Mr. Nac. This is my job. Every butler is unique. I know not only what they like and dislike, but also what they prefer. I make adjustments to make it easier for each of them to eat.

For example, Mr. Lamli prefers a stronger flavor, Mr. Boschi likes his meat medium-rare,  and Mr. Fennesz likes his bread hard… Mr. Nac, on the other hand, prefers soft bread, right?"

Fennesz: "Huh? Y-yes... That's true. I feel like I eat more when I chew a lot."

Nac: "As for me... I've been used to soft bread for as long as I can remember. So, I was surprised...  Did you intentionally change the texture of each piece of bread?"

Lono: "Hehe, that's right! If you like, try exchanging your bread next time. The texture should be very different."

> "That's very thoughtful of you"

Lono: "No, no, no! It's no big deal."

Fennesz: "But it is a big deal, Lono."

Nac: "Yes, it is. It's no longer a Devil's Palace meal without you, Lono."

Fennesz: "I'll have to learn from him… Do you keep notes of everyone's preferences? I'd like to see it if you don't mind…"

Lono: "Huh? No, I didn't actually make any notes for that…"

Fennesz: "Huh...? So you remember them all then? You can remember the detailed preferences of 13 people... You have an amazing memory."

Lono: "No, no. It's nothing compared to your memory, Mr. Fennesz. But, well... If it's something I'm interested in, it's not hard to remember. So I remember all of your preferences once I hear them."

> "Thank you, Lono"

Lono: "Hehe. It's my duty as your butler. Whoops! I shouldn't have been talking for so long. We're almost there. Let's harvest a lot and start baking!"

> "Alright!"

After that... With Lono's guidance, we found the chestnut trees.  We gathered as many chestnuts as we could and returned to the mansion.

Prev | All | Next

[steveezekiel]

FIRST THING FIRST 1

3 THEN the Lord sent this message through the prophet Haggai: 4 “Why are you living in luxurious houses while my house lies in ruins? 5 This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies says: Look at what’s happening to you! 6 You have planted much but harvest little. You eat but are not satisfied. You drink but are still thirsty. You put on clothes but cannot keep warm. Your wages disappear as though you were putting them in pockets filled with holes!" Haggai 1:3-6 (NLT)

“IS it time for you yourselves to live in your [expensive] paneled houses while this house [of the Lord] lies in ruins?" Haggai 1:4 (AMP)

Your priority had to be right, in walking with God. You must know the first thing that should be put first.

You have to know what should be attended to first, when you are blessed by God, and want to spend or make Use of the money.

God can become your enemy when you failed to honour Him with what He has blessed you with (Haggai 1:9-11).

The Blessings of God in your hand are meant to pass through your hand, and not for hoarding. You, as a Believer, are the channel through which God wanted to pass His resources for the work of His Kingdom on the Earth: 9 HONOUR THE LORD WITH YOUR POSSESSIONS [wealth], And with the FIRST-FRUITS of all your INCREASE; 10 SO your BARNS will be FILLED WITH PLENTY, And your VATS will OVERFLOW with NEW WINE" (Proverbs 3:9,10 NKJV).

If the Blessings with which you are blessed with are diverted to other things, or used for personal purposes, you would be allowed to suffer for it—the misuse of His resources: 9 “YOU looked for MUCH, BUT indeed IT came to LITTLE; and when you brought it home, I BLEW IT AWAY. Why?” says the LORD of hosts. “BECAUSE of MY HOUSE that is in RUINS, while every one of you runs to his own house. 10 THEREFORE the heavens above you WITHHOLD the DEW, AND the EARTH WITHHOLDS its FRUIT. 11 FOR I CALLED FOR A DROUGHT ON THE LAND AND THE MOUNTAINS, on the grain and the new wine and the oil, on whatever the ground brings forth, on men and livestock, AND ON ALL THE LABOUR OF YOUR HANDS" (Haggai 1:9-11 NKJV).

If you refused to release what God has channelled through you for His work, the heavens above you would be shut (Haggai 1:10,11).

The money provided by God, and channelled through you; If such is used contrary to God's plan and instruction, or His intended purpose, you would have problems on it (Haggai 1:9).

When the Israelites returned from the Captivity, they concentrated on building their own houses, and neglected the house of God—the temple.

And failed to remember that their release was orchestrated through the rebuilding of the Temple. THE instruction God gave to Cyrus was mainly about the rebuilt of His Temple in Jerusalem (2 Chronicles 36:22,23).

Of course, If the Temple would be rebuilt, It had to be the Israelites, thus, Cyrus made the proclamation that those who wanted to go and do it should be released, and their trip be financed; both the work and whatever they would need (Ezra 1:1-4).

Because of the neglect of the house of God, the Temple, they were not making profits in their farm produce, their businesses. In short, God was against their progress and wellbeing because of the neglectfulness or dereliction (Haggai 1:9).

A Believer blessed materially by God, who refuses to give for God's Kingdom purposes, would have a regret.

The Jews who returned from the exile were blessed in what they do, mainly because of the rebuilding of the Temple; but they did not consider it necessary or important to build God's house first. Instead, they concentrated on the building their own houses.

What have you done for God? What have you contributed towards the expansion of God's Kingdom on the earth?

Many of those who are asking for God's Blessings have nothing in their thoughts or plans to reciprocate the good gesture of God, If He did bless them.

A Believer's wealth that is not used for God and His Kingdom would eventually leave, or lead the person to destructions.

Whatever you give to or support, out of what He has blessed you with, makes His blessing rests on the remainder, and makes it relevant and useful for you.

When God's portion is not given to Him, and His work; an access is indirectly given or granted to the devil, through that act, to make a field day on the Blessings of such a Believer.

When you give or contribute nothing, or meagerly, to God's work on earth, you tend to spend your money on irrelevant things which you would not be able to account for, you would not really know how you had spent the money: "YOU have PLANTED much but Harvest LITTLE. YOU eat BUT are not SATISFIED. YOU drink BUT are still THIRSTY. YOU put on clothes BUT cannot KEEP WARM. YOUR wages DISAPPEAR as though you were putting them in POCKETS FILLED WITH HOLES!" (Haggai 1:6 NLT).

When you tithe your incomes, give to the projects commanded by God in your local church, give to the missions, the Needy, the Ministers and the Ministry which God has used to bless you, or the ones you are stirred by God to give to; you definitely would experience God's hand of favour. GIVING is the pattern through which God promises to bless those who are His.

A Believer who obeyed not the principle of the Bible about Giving would not experience the Faithfulness and favour of God in that area.

A Believer can set God against his or her business or work; finances, family, or whatever belongs to him or her, If such denied God their resources—money or whatever.

God's pattern of blessing those who walk with Him is through the Giving of their substances (Luke 8:1-3).

A Believer who wanted to be blessed materially had to obey the principle through which the Bible specify that the Believers in Christ would be blessed.

You cannot expect God to bless you when you live contrary to His Word, and follow the patterns of the world. If you followed the pattern of the world, you would not experience God's favour in your finances.

You can, through your actions or attitudes, set God against your business, or whatever work you do, and finances, If you denied Him your resources—money: 9 YOU look for MUCH [harvest], BUT IT COMES TO LITTLE; and even when you bring that home, I BLOW IT AWAY. Why?” says the Lord of hosts. “Because of My house, which lies in ruins while each of you runs to his own house [eager to enjoy it]. 11 I CALLED FOR A DROUGHT ON THE LAND and the hill country, on the grain, on the new wine, on the oil, on what the ground produces, on men, on cattle, and on all the labor of your hands” (Haggai 1:9,11 Amplified Bible).

You will not fail in Jesus' name.

Should there be any ailment in your body, receive your healing now in Jesus' name.

Whatever is contrary to your health is completely uprooted in the mighty name of Jesus Christ. Peace! TO BE CONTINUED

[spunsugarmusings]

“Story of Evil Sentence Starters

Starters based on ennsings' version of the Daughter of Evil, Servant of Evil, Regret Message, and Daughter in White. Change pronouns and tenses as necessary!

"She bought her luxuries, spending without heed."

"She had everything anyone could want or need."

"We are short of money, but I want a diamond ring."

"Squeeze out every penny from the peasants' savings!"

"Anyone caught standing up against the queen's demands will be sent to the guillotine!"

"On your knees, peasant!"

"You bloom in dread alone."

"Your beauty cannot ever be compared, but your venomous thorns are like a viper's fangs bared!"

"Oh, wither and die without making a sound!"

"I want to hear the girl scream in agony!"

"Not one single tear, despite all the people's cries, fell from our lady's icy eyes."

"Oh my, it's time for tea!"

"The queen of Evil must certainly be killed!"

"Anger and fury built up over time."

"You ragged, unmannerly dogs!"

"Paradise is lost for the maiden of vice."

"It crumbled and shattered, like brittle, crisp ice!"

"Her death was scheduled for three in the afternoon."

"You wilt in dread alone."

"People today sing this song to their kin."

"Now that was the story of the maiden of sin!"

"You have me as your faithful servant alone."

"We were twins torn apart, when our fates should have shone!"

"To shield thee from danger's deadly call, I will sin, I will kill, I will sacrifice my all!"

"I was destined as your tool."

"They can swear you their enemy and curse all they want!"

"They can brandish their swords and be on the hunt."

"Never fear, never cry, I will always be near!"

"Let not your smile, my sun, fade into icy tears!"

"I was captivated then, knowing love at first sight."

"This love will remain locked deep inside."

"I will answer her wishes, her mind I will ease."

"Why, my lord, do my tears fail to cease?!"

"We are twins like two seeds in the soils of madness sewn."

"You smiled, and you smiled, innocent without a flaw."

"If this is what they call a retribution for her sins, God's words I will go against."

"Here are my spare clothes, now wear these and run."

"Don't turn back, don't stop, don't talk to anyone."

"No one would ever notice that you got away!"

"They say you are a lady of vice and disdain!"

"Then I am evil as well, with the same blood in my veins."

"Somehow in our next life, if we ever meet again, let us play together once more, and be the best of friends."

"There's a secret I know from a long, long time ago, about this sea of woe."

"Write your wish on paper and fold it in half; in a little bottle it goes."

"Give it to the sea, and someday you will see, your dreams will bloom like a rose!"

"Float away with the sea, glass bottle full of dreams."

"You were always there for me no matter how absurd my pleas."

"You'd given me your all and still I did not see."

"I wonder if you've ever gotten mad?"

"Now I am alone, with no one else to hold, far away from the world I once knew."

"You're not here with me, so I'll leave it to the sea, to tell you how much I miss you!"

"Float away with the sea, tears full of regret."

"Looking down, I only see my own silhouette."

"Why do we only realize our sins when everything has come to an end?"

“Oh, how I wish that I weren’t alive!”

“Wretched is a life when lived alone, with nobody’s company but your own.”

“Gradually, naturally our lives entwined.”

“I learned to leave my lonely days behind.”

“She became everything that I had got, despite being everything that I was not.”

Why would she show love and sympathy to one whom was so unworthy as me?”

“Never have I met another as beautiful as you are!”

“I won’t fear, I won’t cry, I have you by my side, you who gave me all the worth I need inside.”

“Everyone I loved and cared, not a single one was spared.”

“Why can’t I die in her place?”

“Who do good lives go to waste?”

“Does this all boil down to unchangeable fate?”

“In the end I made a different call; I did not avenge your death after all.”