#i cant believe im alive after this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kurapikunt · 3 months

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without you

#hxh #kacho and fugetsu #me when i err uhhh scribble #my art #seriously though can you tell im going crazy about hxh rn #like. just the fact that theres been so much of a focus on postmortem nen in the SW arc #like that zombie girl? misha? woah i cant believe i remembered her name straight off the dome those flashcards & pop quizzes must be workin #anyway the zombie girl who is like. still working with the mob after her DEATH!!??? like the amount of loyalty...#and so often we've seen post-mortem nen used in a violent of dangerous way. i.e. you kill ME i curse YOU #and then we saw hisoka use it as a fucking cheat code for death #its great its great but. just. ughh the idea that your nen ability... you know. the beast that was formed from your most intimate desires #and fears and weaknesses #the most primal needs in you brought to the surface #and at the heart of her being the thing kacho wants most in the world is to be with her sister #this is post-mortem nen. its not just curses and cheat codes but this prevailing love and refusal to let go of the ones care about the most #idk it reminds me a bit of the mechanics of kite's resurrection.. or hell the chimera ants in general #the prevailing humanity inside each of us #kacho isnt gone she loved fugetsu so much she fucking incarnated herself into a nen beast #i want this to be a thing where kacho is still alive in the way that the chimera ant reincarnations are alive yk? for my own sanity #but yeah. yeah. succesion war go brrrrrrr #screeds #hxh manga spoilers #hunter x hunter #art #prince kacho #prince fugetsu #kacho hxh #fugetsu hxh

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starjunkyard · 8 months

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Guys the huddy breakup scene fucking me up so bad What thefuck. I KNEW IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN BUT I STILL. I

GOD ITS JUST SO CRUEL FROM HOUSE'S PERSPECTIVE? AND I UNDERSTAND WHY CUDDY DID WHAT SHE DID BUT WE'VE BEEN WITH HOUSE THIS WHOLE TIME AND WE SAW HIM IN REHAB!!!!!!!!! AND WE SAW HIM DETOX AND WHAT HE DID TO GET BETTER AND CUDDY JUST OUTRIGHT STATING THAT SHE DOESN'T THINK HE CAN BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN AN ADDICT IS FUCKING HEARTWRENCHING?

Like i genuinely love cuddy soooooososososo much so much,,,,, i know the truth always hurts no matter what hoops you try and jump through but god its fucking heartwrenching. Its an absolute gutpunch when you take into account everything house did to try and become more than a miserable misanthropic vicodin-addicted bastard. And then one of the only two women he's ever truly loved tells him that his best is not enough. House could jump through rings of fire but it still wouldn't be enough because "that's just how you are." "I can change. I can be better." "I don't think you can." Dude im fucking heaving man

LIKE ITS LOGICAL!!!!!!!!!! ITS UNDERSTANDABLE!!!!!! BUT THE THING IS THAT THE TWO SINGULAR PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WHO LOVE HOUSE UNCONDITIONALLY (WILSON AND CUDDY) ARE THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF THOSE ADJECTIVES WHEN IT COMES TO THEE GREGORY HOUSE!!!!!!! ENABLERS BY DEFINITION ARE IRRATIONAL AND ILLOGICAL AND I THINK ANOTHER REASON WHY THE BREAKUP GRABBED ME BY THE BALLS AND TWISTED IS BECAUSE I GENUINELY NEVER COULD'VE IMAGINED CUDDY WOULD SAY THAT? I COULD JUST BE IN DENIAL?? BUT FOR CUDDY TO COMPLETELY END THINGS WITH HOUSE AFTER HE RELAPSES A SINGLE TIME AFTER GOING DRUG-FREE FOR OVER A YEAR WAS GENUINELY UNTHINKABLE TO ME? LIKE UNIMAGINABLE

God its fucking me up so bad. Its just fucking me up so bad. The only woman you've loved in 10 years tells you outright that your best will never be enough and there isn't a thing you can do about it. That your flaws and your vices are inescapable and inseparable from who you are as a person. Who you are as a person is why she can't bear to be with you. You do everything and it's not Enough Gggod DUDE

And god the fucking parallel between the s6 finale scene and the scene that follows after cuddy ends things with house. Dude i cant even talk about it like ill actually throw up (is gonna talk about it) HOUSE IS IN THE EXACT SAME POSITION House is slumped against his bathtub orange bottle of vicodin in hand and staring at his palm where two white pills lie. The scene exactly parallels its predecessor and both you and house almost hope they both end the same way .House looks at the doorway eyes swollen and red but no wilson no cuddy no one comes to save him from himself and he forces the vicodin into his mouth like a man sentenced to be publicly hung wounding the noose around his own neck. The stark parallels between the two scenes are just fucking me up so bad god man i dont know. I sound like a youtuber rightnow but i am genuinely just so absolutely ruined and need to find solace.......................... I know theres no rationalising this kind of thing but do u think house truly is inseparable from his vices........... Do you think he could've been the life partner cuddy needed without leaning on drugs.............. I know house got better i know he can be better even without the aid of vicodin but is there a universe where gregory house could ever be enough for lisa cuddy. God idont even care anymire im throwing up part of my lung

#ALSO THE FACT THAT I KNOW LISA EDELSTEINS RESIGNATION FOLLOWS SOON AFTER THEIR BREAKUP IS EATING ME ALIVE #I Cannot believe they refuse dto give her a higher wage HUGH LAURIE WAS WILLING TO TAKE THE CUT FROM HIS OWN PAY?#Its so fucked up becaous shes such an.integral irreplaceable part of the show and has been for s7 like i cant imagine the. show without her #Like i dont know if i can make it wityhut her in so fuckibg serious im gonns start hacking up blood in 4 business days on the fucking Dot #ARE YOU READY TO DIE DAVID SHORE............#johan being crazy about yaoi md #house md #gregory house #lisa cuddy #huddy #HOLY FUCK ALSO #WHAT THE FUCK DID THE??????#MUSICAL SCENE AND THE SCENE OF HUDDY RELOADING??? GUNS??? MEAN???#LIKE I USUALLY FUCKIN LAURVE DISSECTING THIS SHIT BUT I. I DONT. KNOW? LIKE WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN

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todayisafridaynight · 22 days

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plane scene is so funny cause why is mine a sleeper agent that wakes up whenever daigo is mentioned

can’t wait to see it in dragon engine :3

mine has been the winner for Funniest Character Imaginable for 15 consecutive years and i have yet to see anyone come close i fear

#snap chats #originally i wrote 'funniest character alive' and then remembered. HAH im so funny //throws up//#all my fave charas know how to do is get crazy on planes over men they love its disgusting #utterly hilarious cause after making the last post i went on twitter and they mentioned ANOTHER plane scene i throw up over #diff franchise so not important it is just SIMPLY funny how coincidences work and further confirming I Have A Type #BUT NO BACK TO MINE IT'S STILL SO FUCKIN FUNNY I HAVE TO REWATCH IT #i have to replay it .... all of y3 ...#if anyone remembers my friend from college and how we used to stream she asked me if we could stream #and i was like 'girl i havent streamed in Fuck Ever huh' and yk what maybe i'll stream y3 with her #at the very least ill stream y3 for myself ... legend mode .....#ive beaten y3 legend mode one (1) time and it was the worst experience of my life because if its not shadow the hedgehog #i am not good at the game i am playing !!!!!!!!!!! it'll be funny tho #i remember wanting to do a y3 drinking run but i told myself id stop drinking so i simply think. i will substitute drinking for hot sauce #its an idea im ironing out and i also have to like. properly set up a twitch- or maybe ill stream through youtube #ive always liked youtube streaming more ... at least as a viewer #these are all details for plans i will not be enacting literally any time soon can i stay on topic #the topic being i love mine. i love that plane scene forever the casual Whats Goin On Here :)#and he is the embodiment of :) in that scene casue :] is gen friendly but :) has an underlying aura of Im Going To Kill You #thats him in that scene. and i love him. for the third time. im ending this post now forever and always stan mine #if and whenever y3k comes out i cant wait to see !! but i personally believe that's well and away from us at this point #not impossible since they did mention it but yk. i dont think itll happen within the next year or two #maybe next five or ten realistically. if that jVLAEKJVLAEKJ ok bye fr now

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aastarions · 8 months

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#c plays bg3 #i have more ss and screen recordings too and i could go on and on but i squealed SO MUCH I PANICKED THOUGH WHEN HE RAN AWAY AFTER THE SUN #CAME OUT I WAS LIKE WAIT LET ME FOLLOW YOU I THOUGHT I MESSED SMTH UP DSFLKJ #karlach went to avernus with wyll her scene on the docks hurt me sm i love karlach dearly im glad shes alive #shadowheart was so cute at camp too so excited we hugged :')#poor gale though my playthrough he really got the shit end of the stick OTL #BUT ASTARION SAYING WE HAVE FOREVER AND THE SIX MONTHS OF HAPPINESS I SQUEALED #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #i cant believe its over #until i make a new chara KSDFJ BUT IM GONNA TAKE A LITTLE BREAK #TO FOCUS ON MY IRL STUFF THATS GOING ON #BUT I WANT TO DO A DURGE RUN

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dimonds456 · 11 months

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thinking about freehoun so bad tonight oughhhhhhhhhhhh

#i wanna draw it so bad but i need to eat and then go to bed #like- just the idea of the rescas. barney sees gordon being dragged away and is forced to leave him #and even though he knows gordon lived- he defeated the nihlanth after all- he's still never going to see him again #the vorts say he's alive- they INSIST he's alive- but he'd still be on xen with no way to get back #and then barney just exists selflessly trying to help the resistance for 20 years #every so often he hears about gordon coming back one day and fuck he wants to believe that but he just *cant*#until he sees him at the train station #holy shit. it's him. and he hasn't aged a damn day.#barney can't even properly reunite because they would get caught and killed #so he calls issac and sends gordon on his way trying so so so hard to pokerface for the rest of his shift #when he gets back he only finds out gordon is on the run and in danger #and he cant do shit to help him #and when gordon gets to black mesa east barney isn't even there #all that- all of half life 2- and they can't properly reunite #and then the citadel explodes #man. he would ABSOLUTELY think gordon was just fucking killed then.#and when he STILL survives... just. imagine this with me.#im ill. i am so very very ill #freehoun #half life #dimond speaks

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funerals · 1 year

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think I might be a bad person

#my grandma is in the hospital w pneumonia so bad she actually died for a minute and like i cant bring myself to care #shes an awful human being for many reasons including calling me fat so much when i was young i got an eading disorder #also one Christmas she gave teenage me a card saying i was going to hell bc i dont believe in god #not even any money in the card #im honestly suprised shes still alive anyway my grandpa died months back and we all kind of expected her to go right after but nope #death m

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rivangel · 1 year

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man i'm rereading s3p2 from the manga and actually crying rn

#the part where erwin pours his heart out to levi #and and levi tells him to give up on his dreams and charge to his death lead those crying children straight to hell #everybody forgets that last (badass) part of the quote #bc bc bc levi will take on his burden #levi knows all erwins sins and secrets and loves him anyway #im gonna throw up #the way erwin smiles #'there were so many times when i thought death would be so much easier'#bro the shock on levis face #like he cant believe this is happening but then he steels his expression when he looks up at erwin again and swears to him #fucking eruri man #what the fuck #lingualizing #....OKAY NOT TO MENTION LEVIS FIRST PLAN WAS for erwin and the survivors to escape using erens titan and HE'D go after the beast titan #bc as long as erwin and eren were alive there was hope in his opinion #and erwin IMMEDIATELY said no #levi barely finished #FUCKKKKKKKK #im cryign

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ruairy · 9 months

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.

#had theeeee worst battle of my whole bg3 life yesterday when i went to rescue halsin #hadn't saved for a billion years #had no short rests left #didnt think that maybe i should go and long rest before entering the worg pens bc i maaaybbee had none of my good spells or healing spells #instead i ran in and got stuck in a battle where my guys kept eternally dying over and over #rinsed most of my potions and revifys trying to Stay alive #halsin was the Only reason i got through the fight at all #and then after the fight i had two dead party members no healing spells to get my guys enough hp to get out of turn based #and go to camp #astarion was stuck on like 4 hp woth necrotic damage and kep Dying as soon as a switched off turn based #shadowheart kept stepping in fire surface and caustic brine that i had no way to get rid of #had to rinse More revify scrolls toget to a point i could get to camp #left gale behind so i could do his silly revival quest and hes the only reason I didn't go insane bc hes adorable #i am Only on balanced mode i cant believe how bad i am at this game #i am Dreading the fight in the house of grief and vs orin i had soooooo much trpuble with them in explorer #and im using different builds so idek if i can use the tech i ended up using to beat those fights #i was going to take shadowheart down a mixed cleric druid build #but now im like no........maybe i need a dedicated healer actually......#luckily i was then fully healed to take on dror ragzlin #and it was mostly an easy fight #but lmao

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elegyofthemoon · 9 months

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there's a piece i want to write eventually. when my brainrot comes back and kicks me, but I think it works better visually (like if you look at the text altogether than looking at the words)

the idea was having a constant statement that serves as the "grounding" statement for the character - something the character comes back to as the following paragraphs get longer and longer - messier and messier - replicating both panic and mess that the character feels

until it resets with the statement.

and then it rebuilds and rebuilds again

then i thought also about like. at some point the character wont have that "grounding" technique anymore so the paragraphs get longer and longer and there's just no stop. run on sentences and garbled mess until it just ends abruptly

but idk i cant execute that lmao it's prettier in my head as a concept and i don't want to disappoint the character

#i say this as though the characters alive #asdkjfalkh sorry #but its just..#idk #i have so many writing projects in my head all the time #if im not writing then it just sits and haunts me for eternity until i finally work on them #i worked on octavia's writing yesterday and now i feel Dead mentally #and yet i still want to write and make further progress bUT IM SO TIRED but #this is like the only time i could writeproperly #im just mad that my break got wasted on being sick #i had all these plans to go out and adventure around and i cant do that bc i fell ill :/ its annoying #so its just projects after projects #and if i cant finish the projects then im just annoyed at myself #this was about a piece i wanted to write for uhhhh #risutaiosu i believe #for the sunchildren #for risutaiosu #you can take a guess how i wouldve written it #sorry to talk about writing here asldkjfah i guess ive been pretty talkative lately who knows why #but augh #i want to return to writing suns of helios sooooo so bad #but i feel like i made the project bigger in my head #and then i got defeated by it and then i switched to different projects instead but ehh #anyways mostly noting to myself as an idea to do #they stressed so much about how the kid focused so much on his art as a way to ground himself in times of anxiety #so thats how i wanted to write this piece #but that also means having to dig and try to understand enkanomiya politics and lore again #WHICH WAS CLEARER IN MY HEAD WHEN I WAS FIXATED ON THE PROJECT #not so much anymore because ive drifted but #yeah

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bloodbankzz · 10 months

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im doing soooooo bad♡ besties and others♡

#its OKAY becayse im ALIVE #this is mentallt and physicaally for those INTERESTED!#i need to PEEL the worms from my BRAIN after NEARLY passing out walking across the ROOM #MANY MULTIFACETED STRUGGLES!#TO ALL READERS WHO INQUIRE!#i dont really believe im like yhis but i dont knpw what i really am supposed to be #i cant figure out whats underneath even when i can see the cracks #what do you do when you can tell its wrong but you dont have any answrrs for what is right #rejection feels like futile struggle #its wrong or nothing #right????#what do i do #i hope when i have to face it and see a cardiologist they are niceys to me and helpful and everything goes okay #im so scared of doctors nowadays #if anything goes wrong it will be my fault and even if they knew a lot are too busy to care #and why am i even worried about the social aspects when its my fucking blood pumper at risk anyway right #god i dont know #i dont know anything anymore #i dont get better anymore #i dont know the way forward #but im gonna put off dying for as long as possible #better an alive aloof listless failure than dead #its so difficult to be berated though #and i am so afraid all the time #and being in the applying for jobs limbo means i cant even get high about it all!!!!!!!!!!!!

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mistbornthief · 11 months

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so the end of ep 2 of The Fall of the House of Usher sweet Alice in Borderland reference haha amirite

#YIKES YIKES YIKES YIKES YIKES #except - and i cant believe im saying this - aib was better bc you were dead in less than five seconds #those poor bastards in usher were alive for a little bit after. dear god #the fall of the house of usher #alice in borderland #any crossover in the fandom department here

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saviorsbookcafe · 2 years

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#look whos fucking alive again #one more chapter and its so much shorter (1/3 of this one)#then ofc there are bonus ones which im thinking of translating idk honestly uve seen what happens #anyways cant believe i might actually finish what i started #13 months after ch9 hoo hoo #enjoy the wait for ch10 i hope it wont be long but we'll see #the adhd motivation at the start really put some high expectations on this project huh

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uygfiug · 3 days

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hiii just wanted to say i hope your illness isnt treating you too badly and you feel better soon <33

thank you <33333 im feeling a bit better :) i have to go back to school tomorrow though :( which i am not at all looking forward to but if i want to stay home longer id need a doctors note and idk if im sick enough to go to the doctor for a note for one day yknow

#friday is the worst day out of the whole week too #i start with a class that has no translation i know of #its during religious classes meant mainly for non-religious people but its very very odd #its meant to teach you morals & all the teachers act as if you picked the class bc you want to & not bc you have no other option #we see the same things every year & its all very very surface level stuff #usually themes like identity social justice & such #but its all like “describe yourself in 5 words” “keep a diary for 12 weeks & let your teacher read it”#“did you know you can be transgender?? :0 here's a documentary on the luckiest trans person on earth”#“who has a supportive middle class or rich family a supportive social group and passes perfectly”#“look at this movie of a poor disabled child getting bullied and being just so sad. did this change your view towards disabled people?”#“philosophical question time! if i put an apple in front of you would you say it is dead or alive?”#“i heard someone call their friend dumb as a joke and now im going to talk for 2 full hours on the effect words can have”#“it is actually morally wrong to jokingly insult people btw”#its ridiculous and ive reached my limit honestly i cant not act annoyed anymore #ive started answering the 'who are you?' questions with stuff like someone who does not want to do this anymore #anyway sorry for ranting at you #i dont think i can even communicate how annoyed i am after having had this class since i was 6 #ig it really needed to get out #you can just ignore all that #also its kind of like its own fake religion? like they have a 'church' and do certain events at certain ages?#fake religion for those who dont believe but still want to have those rituals to partake in ig #and ive heard a lot of bad things about them in certain regions #where i am theyre okay thankfully #you can ask to not have to do any of the religious classes #but our school really doesnt want you to so they make it as complicated as possible #so its filled with people who do not at all care about it or what the teacher is saying #people #jask #asks

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seokjinite · 1 month

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well. hello

#im alive 😄 unfortunately #ive had some decent days . and some rough ones . but here we go #i was thinking of making a queue tag in the future just in case #making one after nearly 10 years feels a bit late i admit but fnkshdksjdjsb who cares #anyway!#so many jin content came out and i need to catch up !!!!!#i saw pictures that i should Not look at again if i want to preserve a shred of sanity #a jin photoshoot for harpers bazaar is like christmas came earlier this year for me u dont get it #and all the yoongi stuff my goddd i tried to keep up on that hellplace that is twitter just bc news travels faster there #but ppl are waaay too ready to purposefully exaggerate situations and to hate #jokes on me for expecting anything different from stan twitter #also the jimin and jk travel thing FJISFEJDJSHJEH😭😭😭😭 i cant believe we are at a point where we can freely discuss....bowel movements 😭#dl

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be-good-to-bugs · 4 months

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i wanna believe my life will be ok one day

#the bin #things have changed a lot over the last few years but not for the better really #i just feel even more distant and unable to connect with other people than i used to #i wasnt able to develop social skills and now im an adult stuck trying to figure things out #i wanna think things will get better but i have a lot of doubts :(#i guess there have veen some good things that havw changed. ill be moving back in with family but in a new place than before #and i wont have to deal with my horriblw dad now that he died so that really good #my relationship with my 1 sister crumbling into garbage feels like a bad thing but the relationship was always bad #and i always felt like it was bad. i just couldnt escape because i didnt have anyone else so i was trapped #but im out now. it mwans that im even more alone but it also means im free of her horrible everything #i had a lot of fear about talking to people previously and it had to do with her but i think now maybe ill have an easier time #i wanna believe thats true. i wanna think maybe this change will be enough to push me into making feiends somwhow #i hate feeling the way i do. loneliness is physically painful. i hate that i dont have anyone i can go to anywhere in the world #i like my other siblings. theyre nice. but its different. at least i can complain to my other older sister and mom mom abt stuff #hhh. one day tho ill meet friends and be ok. its hard to meet people. i dont know where to go. but onw day i will!!!#i hope its soon and not in another several years but yknow. ill wait. at least now i have something that makes me feel less awful #i find it surprising im even still alive after almost 9 years of this. i was 10 when i lost all my friends and im about to turn 19 #but ill figure it out. at least i have weed now. maybe i get high too often and rely on it too much but its either that or feel suicidal #100% of the time. i mych prefer getting high to that.#it feels bad when i look atound and literally everyone else i know has lots of close friends. they make them so easily #and then im here and i cant even make 1 not close friend. but ill figure it out!!!!!

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muttsona · 6 months

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#personal #warning: suiciceeand selfharmn talk in this rant #i think these meds are making me feel worse and i dont know what to do about it #gettinf used to these meds in the first place was so hard. i cant do it again #and like. i dont know.#iwant ro kill myself so bad and the only reason i can find is “maybe it will make someone sad”#but even that uts like. thats not a reason for me #theres no benefits for Me staying alive #like holy shit sometimes i forget i am So suicidal and then i have a night like this #usually these thougjs come late at night which is whyni started going to bed earlier #but things are changing and its 7:09 and im dealing with these thoughts Now #like Wow i guess injust deal with these thoughts forever no matter what. cool...#and i domt know. feeling the scars rub up against my sleeve makes me feel so bad #like theyre healing super fast but its still not enough #i think the worst part is the relief i always have after. i feel ao bad but thus tike especiallu i was jusy like #i cant believe people are reying to stop me from doing rhis... its so good for me #but like the blood soaked towel is doing nothing to help anyone #idk. i dont kmow what to do to feel better anymore #💭

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