#i did i smoked both of them

[robitherat]

btw if youre gonna do dabs with your friends make sure those friends will rub your back while you hurl in their bathroom because you took too big of a hit while sitting in a hot ass room and  you were already nauseous to begin with. 

[illegiblehandwriting1]

do you ever think about the fact that if Sky - y'know, Godslayer, Chosen Hero of Hylia, certified almighty badass - ever fought the Shadow, he would just be fighting himself so it would be the hardest battle he's ever fought and it would all come down to luck and attitude. yeah me too.

[angelsdean]

literally genuinely there is a sign on the dean cave door that says “no little brothers allowed !!!!!” and sam has never stepped foot in the room again after scoobynatural. however, adam’s allowed in when he and dean have “educating the angels on pop culture” movie nights. sam does not huff in annoyance, he does not stomp his feet and whine abt double standards and gesture wildly with his gargantuan arms at the sign, dean! the sign says no LITTLE BROTHERS ! he does not do that, nope. (dean later crosses out “little brothers” and adds, “middle children”)

[crehador]

one of them does not know how to hold a candy apple and one of them does not know how to hold a lollipop... soulmates

[tariah23]

🗿

[the-autumn-apple-artworks]

University ever pushes you so low you have to go buy a couple of beers? /srs/neg

I'm gonna vent in the tags for a moment humor me for once /gen

[icewindandboringhorror]

examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk

[amajorartattack]

I've made some refs for Sigil's band members, I'm genuinely very happy with how they came out, even if it took me a couple days, cuz I hate lining art, plus I decided to draw a fuckin drum set for Jace's ref. I fucking can't with myself, post 4am decisions are totally fun./s

The main reason why Jace's has a drum set though is just cause I wanted to show what part of the band each of them are. Jace is the drummer, Muse is the guitarist, Austin is the bassist, and Sigil is the vocalist...But fuck drum sets are a fucking pain to draw. Also also I'm so fucking happy with the name I came up with for their band, it's on the bass drum of Jace's drum set, "Troll 'N Crossbones," I love plays on words, and i just fucking loved this one.

[introspectivememories]

literally can't stop thinking about mafia!bernard and police informant!tim

it got too long for the tags

bear's in the mafia for whatever reason

and tim is part of a police team called idfk the bats

anyway bear's mafia is getting too big and they need sm1 on the inside. enter tim.

tim is a police legacy. his dad was a policeman and so was his father's father and on it goes

and he might've made it onto captain wayne's team but he's desperate to prove to the force that he's not a fuckin nepo baby

so he takes the job. enter bernard who only meets tim after he's been on the mission for a year now.

bear quickly takes a liking to this new recruit who's efficient and smart and has the tiniest waist he's ever seen.

and tim goes along with this liking cause hey information from the top will be more valuable right?

and they fall into this fuckbuddies relationship that quickly becomes way more. because like fuck bear looks at tim like he's worth smth

like he's more than what his parents have set out for him. like he's somebody. like he loves tim for tim. and not for what tim can do for him.

and fuck he loves bear and his smiles. the way his eyes crinkle and his gums show. he loves the way bear looks with a gun in his hands and he knows that's fucked up but the first time he saw bear with a gun in his hands and blood splattered across his face he had to actively stop himself from jumping bear in front of the mafia. and no matter how rough bear is when he's on the field he always caresses tim's cheeks with a softness tim didn't know was possible

and fuck his dick is massive and it's really not helping tim's feelings. and he knows he's compromised and fuck cpt. wayne probs knows too

but shit bear holds him like he's precious. bear looks at him like he loves him. bear twines their bodies together like he'll die if they part

bear whispers sweet nothings into his ears as they fall asleep and it'll break him when he has to give bear up but he's always been selfish

he'll keep this for as long as he can. (please lord let him have this.)

and on bear's end he really only becomes interested in this new recruit when he watches the boy deliver 10 backhanded compliments in a row

and nobody pick up on it. it takes 3 months before bear figures out that tim's a spy and still he keeps seeing him

bc it doesn't matter that tim'll be his downfall. it doesnt matter that tim doesnt really love him or care about him. that it's only a mission for tim bc tim is the best thing bear's life.

he is the sun to bear's moon. the first word on his lips when he wakes up and the last when he goes to sleep.

and he loves every version of tim -- when he's caustic and biting, when he's blissed out in bed covered in the marks bernard left, when he's laughing, when he's crying

every version on tim is a version he likes. and one of these days, his pretty bird is going to have to leave their nest but at least bear can hold tim until then

at least bear can press promises into his thighs. at least he can whisper his devotion into the crook of tim's neck. at least he can leave marks on tim -- lovebites on his neck, handprints on his thighs and hips -- a tapestry that says "i was here. and i loved him. i love him and i am here."

but until that day comes, bear will work on quitting smoking and turning his favorite safehouse into a home for them.

(please lord, just let him have this. just let him have tim.)

[sage-nebula]

I've decided to make my own post because I am not an idiot, but full disclosure that this post is 50% based on thoughts I was having while I was driving home from the auto repair shop yesterday and 50% a response to a post I saw just now that conflated "redemption arcs" (things fictional characters go through in fictional stories) with "community support" (things real life people offer to other real life people in real life) and how this relates to "fixing people" (making someone who mistreats or abuses themself or others not mistreat or abuse themself or others anymore).

Read my words very carefully.

In fiction, it is more than okay to like whatever type of toxic or fantastical relationship you want. If you like to read stories about toxic, codependent people who are absolutely horrible to one another and will never, ever change, you read those stories. If you like to read stories about a tortured man who just needs The Right Person to teach him to be better, and then he is, sometimes exclusively only to them though, then you read those stories. Sometimes you want to read stories where the main character says "I can fix him" and fails spectacularly, and sometimes you want to read stories where the main character says "I can fix him" and succeeds spectacularly, and either way, you read whatever stories you want, whatever makes you happy, I'm sure it's somewhere in this vast Archive that we call Our Own.

However, in real life?

First of all, "arcs" aren't things real life people have. An arc is something that has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Real life people don't have those, because our stories don't end until we die. Unlike a character, whose life presumably continues even after their story ends (except in circumstances where they die at the end but you know what I mean), we have to keep living day by day, with all the rises and falls that come with it. Now, this does not mean that a person cannot change, or that a person can't get better and learn from their mistakes; but it DOES mean that we can't have a "redemption arc" where we complete a checklist of story beats and then suddenly we're a better person who has experienced the necessary growth to be forgiven. First off, no amount of growth or change ever requires any victims to forgive. And second, that's just not how life works. That's not how change works. Change and growth are baby steps taken each day, and sometimes you go backwards, and you get angry with yourself, but then you pick yourself up and you try again the next day, and the next, and the next. It's an ongoing journey that does not end until you die. That's life.

But second and more importantly, the real idea that I think the original post was trying to get at, but missing the mark on was . . . okay.

So, the original OP of the post (and the person who replied to OP) got angry at the idea that the strawman they had invented (the person who had theoretically said "you can't fix him!") would deny support to someone who needs that help to grow and change as a person. The person who had replied in support of OP added that the strawman clearly believed in punitive justice over rehabilitative justice as well. On the surface, I can see where they are coming from. After all, on the whole humans are a social species and do need support networks in order to not only thrive, but survive. People such as drug addicts need support and assistance in order to get into better places in their lives, and the prison system has been proven to be far less effective at preventing repeated offenses than rehabilitative programs. This is all true.

However.

The reason why "you can't fix them" is still true, and needs to be said and understood particularly by those who are susceptible to falling into abusive relationships (e.g. people who have been abused before, particularly in childhood or adolescence) is because of free will. Specifically, the free will that each of us has, but specifically the other person. Person A can want so, so, so badly to "fix" Person B so that they stop being an abusive alcoholic 75% of the time. But if Person B doesn't actually want to stop being an abusive alcoholic (even if they say they do during the 25% of the time they aren't smacking Person A around), and refuses to put in the work that it takes to become sober and be a better person, then guess what? Nothing Person A does will ever make them be a sober, non-abusive partner. They will be unable to fix Person B. It doesn't matter how much time, energy, money, or commitment they pour into that person. It doesn't matter how much they genuinely, honestly, earnestly love them. Because unless Person B wants to change, and will put the work into doing so, then they will not change, and Person A, for their own health, safety, and sanity, needs to exit that relationship.

Now, does that mean that if, ten years down the line, Person B decides they are ready to put in the work to get their alcoholism under control, no one should help them? Of course not! They should absolutely be put in touch with sober counselors, support groups, medical professionals, friends and family who can help them. Person A could potentially forgive them, if Person A chooses. But that willingness to change and put in the work has to come from within Person B first.

I've been in the position where I've seen people in awful situations just tanking their lives, people I loved and cared about, people I begged to just listen to me and get help, only for them to not . . . and ultimately I had to accept that I couldn't fix them. I could be there to offer support when they were ready to fix themselves, but the core work that needed to be done had to come from within themselves. I couldn't provide that. Not because I was inadequate, not because I didn't love them, but because I couldn't force them to do anything they didn't want, or weren't ready, to do.

So at the end of the day, "you can't fix them" isn't about not giving support. It's about recognizing your limitations as a human being. It's about knowing that:

You cannot force someone to do something they do not want to do.

You cannot force someone to do something they are not ready to do.

Not being able to help or save someone is not a moral failing of yours.

Not being able to help or save someone does not mean you do not love or care about them.

Providing support should never come at risk of your own health and safety, physical or otherwise.

When you love someone, it can be really hard to accept this. You think, "I know I can make them want to try. I know I can inspire them to want to change. I know they love me, so if I just love them a little harder, they will want to change." Nine times out of ten, though, that is just not true. And if someone is abusing you, it is not worth the literal risk to your life to keep trying. You are worth more than that. You are more than just someone else's band-aid.

Keep yourselves safe in 2024.

[peppermintmochafem]

would love to hear more about what aftercare looks like for you

see the thing I love about aftercare is that really at the end of the day I just want to take care of someone. I want them to be able to feel like a good useful thing and in exchange they get to be my kept thing and I have to take care of my things. I want them to be my obedient pet that doesn't have to think for themself so of course I will care for them the way you care for a pet. I think the most beautiful thing about aftercare is knowing what someone needs and being able to provide them.

So that's a long way of saying it depends because at it's core it's just about taking care of them and that's what I love about it. I love getting them something to eat if they are hungry and water to drink if they need it. I love tending to their sore spots and gently reminding them how well they took me as I teasingly press on their developing bruises when putting neospirin or cbd lotion on them. I loveee cuddling and reassurance and telling them how good they are.

[titanorosa]

Went to the Atlanta Major

I cosplayed as Kapkan on Friday and Saturday

(photos taken by Pubs https://instagram.com/publs_?igshid=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA==)

[xuciferous]

failed almost completely at my attempts to stop weed but i have gone 2.5 days without caffeine. so thats a yippee. I may not make it the whole day tho. but im hoping I'll either not smoke and have caffeine, or smoke and not have caffeine.

[ruby-red-inky-blue]

my grandfather loves mechanical clocks and is slowly turning my grandparents' flat into what i can only describe as a horror movie setting: every room has like three to ten clocks and pocket watches in it, some of which are stopped at random times, most of them tick, each at its own individual rhythm, several of them chime every half hour or every hour. He’s currently repairing one for a neighbour and that one keeps changing the way the ticking sounds because the mechanism isn’t running smoothly yet

also for no reason he bought a motion sensor that chimes every time you walk by??

I’ll say he’s at least a third of the way to Pink Floyd’s Time at this point

[tisajest]

You are newly orphaned and given to the nearest Wise Old Man to raise. He will be your guardian til adulthood and may or may not come to care for you, who would you rather that man be?

[lupismaris]

Shout out to my beloved budtenders for always having my back I barely have to say anything and they take care of me I love them so