#i did this in my sketchbook then just went over it digitally i think it turned out pretty good tbh

[ethosiab]

Me thinks a RED joel pretty please?

i know his lack of recklessness lately is like, important character development and all but i do miss 3rd life joel. he just went for it and died. rip

(vote boat boys and ill draw something for you)

[pepprs]

god my throat is raw from yelling / panicking. And part of me is wary wondering if it’ll happen again. omgggg

[pronglesart]

This is a pretty random one, but how did you design the logo for Ingress?

Little did you know, I love to answer questions about ~design~.

The Ingress logo has gone through about 3 different official versions, but at least 50 different conceptual iterations. I'm a graphic designer by trade and profession, so I approached it any other way I would approach making a logo.

The first iteration of the logo I have less information on the development of, but I was looking at a lot of advertising from the late 1800s to early 1900s. For example, these advertisements have a lot flourishes on the text and warping letters, as was common in that era.

I took that concept and made the first iteration of the ingress logo at the comic's inception in 2017. My graphic design skills weren't as strong then, and I mostly just took a font I thought fit and slapped it around a little bit to try and get the look I wanted.

I wasn't particularly happy with how this one turned out, and it only ended up being used for a few months on the first version of the website and on a single printing of the first chapter of the comic, but I also didn't put a ton of time and energy into making this one. So, I went back to the drawing board soon after I made this first one.

The second iteration of the logo took a lot of inspiration from the same sources, but I first took a lot of time drawing out concepts in my sketchbook to try and get the right visual look for how the logo should be.

At first I played with the idea of including a little picture along with the logo. I thought maybe Toivo's glasses would be a good thing to try to include in the 'g' in Ingress, or that Rocky or Toivo's hat should appear in the logo. These were all discarded for cluttering up the logo, because the words themselves are all pretty long. Eventually, I started playing with the shape of the word itself, which very quickly lead to the last S becoming the signature swirl.

Next was iterating on this concept with fonts.

That lead to the second iteration of the logo, and the longest running version of it.

I chose a textured font to give it that "worn" feeling that was so popular in the design world in 2018. There were a ton of brands doing textured stuff to give their brand an edgy feel, but I did it to make it feel old and like it was from the late 1800s.

This would still be the logo today, but I ran into a problem: the font I used, Goldsmith Vintage, had a limitation on how long you could use their font for free and for printing. Fonts aren't particularly expensive, but if you want to use a font for publishing, you need a special license and those fees can rack up in price pretty quickly. It was unlikely that the people who made the font would come after me for using it, but I decided to not take that chance and instead refresh the logo one more time, this time putting more of my own hand in it.

This time, I took a different approach. I liked the old logo, but I was having a hard time finding a font that I really liked and would get the same feeling as the old logo... So instead, I decided to use calligraphy to draw it myself.

I rewrote the word Ingress Over and Over and Over, and specifically I rewrote the S's to try and get the perfect shape of it. Then, I picked out specific letters that I liked.

From those letters, I picked the ones I thought looked best, and smashed them together into one rough version of the logo that I liked.

And then from here, I made a digital version of the logo in Adobe Illustrator so I could get a nice crisp vector version. Also, I made rough versions of it, so I could keep doing the same 'old' look.

And... that's about it!

Ultimately, I think the new one is really fun, and I really like the fact that the latest one was made with my hand directly. Those aren't letters you can find in any font, they're my letters.

Maybe you can tell but, I have a lot of opinions on letter shapes.

Anyway, thanks for asking, and I hope this was as entertaining for you to read as it was for me to blather on about.

[doppelneer]

A Wee Bit of Catching Up With This Mess

Soooo originally this was going to be a big post on my main tumblr blog @abyssforphantoms , but I got thinking about it and it just made more sense to make this on it's own blog and repost it over there if I feel like it... instead of spamming my main with this au stuff.

Anyway, Welcome to the mess that is my brain and They Came From The Deep Au. I will not be going too deep into the story in this post, but will do a short summary and explain my prosses behind my decent into madness with the various stuff I have accumulated for it over the year.

Summary:

After the final quest the Abyss Crew was fine. Cannoneer was back, safe with the rest of the crew, and they have gotten what they wanted when they went down to those accursed depths (even though they almost didn't make it back if it weren't for the skykid). So everything should be fine, back to status quo... right?

Well it was for a bit.

Then strange stuff started happening.

Supplies keep disappearing and shifting around the reef. The members of the crew feel like they are being watched from a distance, and the sea almost seems more restless. Every one has a sense of unease...

None more so then Cannoneer,

because of the weird dreams they keep having, and now the crew is saying they did things they didn't do. It was like they were at two places at once.

Then they saw it-them from a distance... they looked almost exactly them! but something was off...

Now it's up to Cannoneer to figure out what is going on, what does this doppelganger (a.k.a Doppelneer or Cannondoppel) want and convince the crew this isn't another one of their "embellished stories".

Meanwhile other things deep down start to stir... and they aren't going to be as "friendly".

And yes Doppelneer will be a big part of this post

Warning: the images below may have some BODY HORROR.

Veiwer Discretion is Advised.

Around August 2022??? - the sticky note

The thing I drew that started it all

Thr original idea for it was just what if cackling cannoneer but dark creature

I forgot that it existed until...

October 2022 - "A Familiar Face That Is or Isn't You"

I found the sticky note again and wanted to explore the design further in a one off piece (and then it wasn't, lmao)

I also got into exploring doppelgangers as an idea which lead to me having the questions

"If someone from the Abyss Crew had a doppelganger who would have the most interesting reaction?" (You can guess who I picked lol)

"What if the doppelganger wasn't nessasarly evil but thought they were the person and the person they are a doppelganger of was a doppelganger that took over their life, thus kinda wanting to sabotage the person's life a little?"

I drew this piece in my sketchbook but then colored digitally

Originally posted to my deviantart 26 October 2022

Finished Art

Drawing Process / Alternative Versions

November 2022 - Old Reference Sheet for Cannondoppel

Very outdated and crusty

I will post the updated ref in another post

DON'T USE THIS ONE I BEG OF U!!!!

December 2022 - "Breath in Deep Water"

Digital painting

Just a story idea

Waking up one day being able to breathe water must be jarring ngl

First appearance of the phantom eyes

Posted 1 January 2023 on my deviantart

January - Inspirational Glitch happened in Sky

Didn't really do to much with the Au for a bit, nor does this really have to deal with the au

But this happened to me one day and thought it was neat yet felt like walking into a sky creepy pasta.

It's the red green visual glitch and the spirit staring glitch with Cannoneer happening at the same time

March - Some Old Doodles

"There is always a bigger fish. "

More experimenting with the story in my mind

May - "Reflections"

"Just a reflection in the void"

Changed some details with Doppelneer, mainly hair and sometimes they have a tail

Reversed

July - artfight cameo

just a small appearance

Nothing too much too note

And that is it for now will return soon with more stuff soon

[edith-hyde]

Norman Osborn X Female Reader

I Forgot My Umbrella - Part 36

Word Count: 3237

Summary: You run into some new potential friends during lunch. On your way back to work, something unexpected happens.

Warnings: Age gap. PG/PG-13.

A/N: Ya know that moment in the K-Drama where something jarring happens to heighten the tension? We're there lol

Tagging: @druigswh0ree @digital-demise @maskmare931 @b1ueoff1ine @imwithyoutiltheendofthelinebucky @wtfhasmy-lifecometo

Archive

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Next

——

Lunch time rolled around and you planned to eat with Norman at the café across the street.

Unfortunately, Norman was held up by a meeting and told you to go on without him. 

With a dejected heart, you headed across the street to get your meal. You had an hour lunch and spent the first few minutes sketching as you waited for your food. Thinking about the past weekend, you started drawing Norman and Harry side by side. You realized they had quite a few features in common now that you were thinking about it. The strong cheekbones, square jaw, fluffy hair… But you much preferred Norman’s features between the two. They were sharper, more confident. 

And aged to perfection.

You giggled to yourself, totally entrenched in your work. So you nearly jumped out of your skin when a voice spoke from behind you.

“That’s really good!”

You twisted around to see Harry standing over your shoulder. You instantly slammed the sketchbook shut and started babbling. 

“Ha-Harry?! What are you-? When did you-?”

Harry held up his hands in defense. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sneak up on you. I was actually just coming over here to say hi and ask if you wanted to come eat with us.”

“Us?”

You peeked around Harry and spotted Peter Parker sitting across from a red headed young woman. Peter saw you and gave a small awkward wave.

“Oh…”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Harry shrugged.

“No! I’d like to. Sorry. You just surprised me is all…”

You gathered your things and went to join Harry and his two friends.

“Pete, MJ, this is Y/N.”

“It’s nice to see you again, Peter. And it’s nice to meet you, MJ.”

MJ gave you a pleasant smile.

“Hi! You can sit here.”

MJ moved her purse so you could sit next to her. This put you across from Harry, who was currently glancing between you and Peter with confusion.

“You and Pete have met before?” Harry questioned.

“Yeah,” Peter said with a bob of his head, “I went to your dad’s office over a week ago to talk about the apartment. Ya know, that’s when he offered me the job.”

“Ah right…”

Harry suddenly grinned at you. 

“Hey, Y/N. Show ‘em the drawing you were doing.”

“Oh I’d rather not,” you said as your face flushed red.

“But it’s really good! I can’t believe you drew it from memory. Come on.”

You arched an eyebrow at Harry. He didn’t seem to think there was anything weird about what you were sketching and that surprised you. Perhaps it was because he was a fellow artist? 

Or perhaps drawing your boss and his son wasn’t as weird as you thought it was.

Yeah right.

With a deep breath, you opened the sketchbook. You were extra careful not to show the other incriminating pages as you tried to find the one you had been working on. With a great deal of apprehension, you turned the book around to show the table. You watched everyone’s reactions. Harry smiled with pride. Peter looked with contained awe. And MJ’s eyes widened to the size of baseballs.

“Wow Harry wasn’t joking, you are good!” she praised, “You really drew this from memory?”

“Yeah,” you answered sheepishly, “Harry came in yesterday and I couldn’t help but notice some similarities between him and Nor- Dr. Osborn. It’s my artist's brain. I can’t help it. I like to draw the people around me.”

It wasn’t a lie so much as a bent version of the truth. You really did like to draw the people around you. You just left out how, lately, the only person you had been around to draw was Norman.

“They do look alike,” Peter agreed, “But you’ve really captured their distinct looks.”

“I know right?” Harry laughed, “It’s like looking in a mirror!”

You closed the sketchbook and MJ tilted her head.

“Can we see some other sketches?”

“Oh no!” you answered immediately with a laugh, “This sketchbook is like my diary. So some of the drawings are personal… Ya know?”

MJ nodded her understanding.

“Better put a lock and key on it then. Harry might snoop.”

“Hey!” Harry said defensively, “I already said I was sorry for that. Let it go.”

MJ smirked and you had the feeling that they were referencing something that happened while they were dating. It was good that they were able to joke about it, you thought. That meant that they were on their way to being proper friends again.

“Say, Y/N, where are you going to college?”

Harry’s question made you give a scathing laugh.

“Nowhere! Thank God I am past all that mess.”

Harry’s eyebrows went up.

“You’ve already graduated college?”

“Yeah. Got my art degree last year… Wait… How old did you think I was?”

Harry turtled into himself, suddenly shy.

“I guess I just assumed you were the same age as us.”

You shook your head with an amused smile.

“Thanks for thinking I look so youthful, but I’ll be 24 this year. Not saying I’m old, but I’m very much older than you.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at Harry’s pouting face. It took him a second to recover and you took the time to address the other two at the table.

“So what are the two of you majoring in?”

“I’m trying to be an actress,” MJ said shyly, “Trying and failing if I am being honest.”

“You’re not failing!” Peter quickly defended, “You’re doing great. That play you were in last week was amazing.”

“Pete, I was an extra for one scene,” MJ laughed with an eyeroll.

“Still. You were great.”

You smiled. Peter was clearly in love with MJ. He adored everything she did, no matter how small it was. Harry just rolled his eyes, clearly not finding their exchange as cute as you did.

“Pete here is gonna be some kind of scientist, ain’tcha Pete?”

Peter glanced at you and gave a half smile.

“I haven’t fully decided what field to go into yet.”

“Well, Dr. Osborn seems to think that you’ll be very helpful with some genetics research he’s doing. He’s already got a project in mind for you.”

Peter took a breath, his smile becoming apprehensive. 

“Oh boy… Sounds… fun. I’ll probably go with you back to OSCORP to pick that up so I can start earning my paycheck.”

You turned your attention to Harry.

“And what about you, Harry? Are you an art major?”

You already knew the answer but you couldn’t risk letting Harry know how much you knew about him.

“HA!” Harry shook his head, “No, I’m going into business so I can run OSCORP when my dad retires.”

You nodded and wondered just how much Harry actually wanted to run his father’s business. There was a high chance that Harry didn’t want the burden. But you doubted that he would ever tell Norman that. Despite his bumpy past with his father, he still sought his approval and strove to be more like him. It was both sad and admirable.

“I don’t envy you, Y/N,” MJ blurted, “Having to work with Harry’s father every day. That has to be rough.”

Harry scowled at MJ, but she didn’t back down. She meant every word she said. You couldn’t fault her for her opinion either. The Norman Osborn she had the displeasure of meeting was quite nasty towards her. But you wanted to change her opinion; if it was even possible.

“It’s actually not bad at all,” you said with a smile, “Working with Norman Osborn has been quite nice. He’s the best employer I’ve ever had.”

MJ gave you a skeptical frown.

“Really?”

“Yes really,” you laughed, “I know he wasn’t always so pleasant in the past, but since I’ve started working there, he’s been very kind. It can be hard work, keeping up with all the moving pieces, planning everything, but I enjoy it.”

“That’s good,” Peter piped up, “Right guys?”

“It still freaks me out,” Harry admitted, “You didn’t know him before… But suddenly, right before Christmas, he just changed out of the blue. Wanted to apologize to everybody for everything. It was weird.”

“Glad you finally admit it,” MJ said sourly, “I still don’t trust him, Harry. I’m sorry. Even if he did apologize.”

Harry rolled his eyes.

“I think it’s great that he’s trying to be different,” Peter interjected, “You’ve gotta give people a chance, right?”

You nodded your agreement.

“People can change,” you added, “Whatever the reason was, I am glad Dr. Osborn has been trying. It makes working there very easy. And OSCORP can finally be known for doing more than selling weapons. That’s something to be proud of.”

“I’m still holding out,” MJ said pointedly, “If he can keep this up for the rest of the year, then I’ll believe it.”

“Honestly…Same.” Harry admitted, “I’m waiting to see if it sticks…”

“That’s fair,” you nodded, “I have the utmost faith in him though.”

Harry arched an eyebrow.

“You do? Why?”

You instantly started floundering. 

“Well… because…. Because I like to see people succeed at their personal goals, ya know? I care about everyone around me. Even Dr. Osborn. He’s my boss after all. And he gave me a job when no one else would. I wanna help him in any way I can. I feel like I owe him.”

Luckily, Harry bought your reasoning. Again, it wasn’t so much of a lie as it was a different view of the truth. You really did care about Norman’s goals. And you did owe him for your job. Without it, you would’ve had to move back home.

“Thanks for taking care of him,” Harry said in earnest, “And don’t let him push you around. He can be a big jerk sometimes, but he’s a good man.”

You saw MJ roll her eyes, making it clear that she did not share Harry’s opinion of his father. But you put on a smile and nodded.

“You’re welcome, Harry.”

For the rest of lunch you swapped stories with the trio. You learned a great deal more about their personalities and interests. Peter also liked to draw, but hardly ever had the time. He was also into photography. MJ shocked you with her knowledge of movies and actors. And Harry spent a lot of his free time painting and listening to classical music. 

You were glad that most of the conversations didn’t dig too much into your personal life. You had no idea how to respond if they had asked you if you had a boyfriend.

As you were getting ready to leave, Harry stopped you right outside the door.

“Say… Were you going to the Gala this Friday?”

You gave Harry a beaming smile as you nodded.

“Yup!”

“Did you… Do you have a…”

You cocked an eyebrow at the younger Osborn who was clearly struggling to ask you something. His ears were starting to turn red- instantly reminding you of Norman. You smiled fondly as you thought of your boyfriend, waiting for Harry to ask his question.

“I just wanted to know if… If you had a plus one for the Gala?”

“Oh! Yeah, I am taking my friend Tracy. Why do you ask?”

Harry ran a hand through his hair as he shrugged.

“Ah, no reason. I just didn’t want you to feel awkward if you were showing up without a date. I was thinking about going but I dunno…”

“Oh you should totally go!” You said with an encouraging smile, “I did all the planning for it. You should come just to support my hard work!”

You and Harry laughed.

“Alright. I’ll go. But just for you.”

You turned to Peter and MJ.

“You guys should come to the Gala too. Now that Pete will be working at OSCORP, he’ll be invited. It's a Fantasy Masquerade.”

MJ’s eyes lit up and you could tell that she was interested in going- Even if it meant that Norman would be there. MJ clearly liked fancy parties.

“I dunno,” Peter shrugged, “I may not have the time.”

“Please, Peter?” MJ pleaded, “Can we go? I don’t even care if we show up late.”

Peter looked MJ up and down before smiling.

“Alright. I’ll see if I can make it work.”

“Great!” you cheered. 

MJ grinned.

“I think I have an idea for an outfit,” she turned to Peter, “I can get you an outfit too!”

“Great,” Peter said with forced enthusiasm.

“I’ll see you guys later,” you laughed, “I have to get back to work and make sure Norman ate something.”

The light turned green on the crosswalk and you started across. But you paused when Peter called out to you.

“I’ll come with you to get those- Y/N LOOK OUT!!!”

Time seemed to freeze in that moment.

You looked to your left to see a red sports car hurtling towards you. They clearly had no intention of slowing down even though they were approaching a red light. You briefly thought about how you needed to get out of the way. 

But your legs wouldn’t move. 

That car was going to hit you and there was nothing you could do.

You were going to die.

Just as you realized how bad this would end, time sped up. 

Something hit your back and you were abruptly yanked backwards. The car blew past you at top speed. The force of it caused you to roll, slamming your head into the asphalt. You heard someone scream and you weren’t sure if it was you or MJ. For a moment everything went black and you were sure the car had hit you. But your eyes opened as you felt the sensation of someone pulling you up onto their lap. You saw a face in your blurry vision.

“Nor…man?”

Your vision cleared and you realized that it wasn’t Norman holding you, but rather his son. Concern and worry was written all over his face as he called out.

“Hey! You with the cellphone! Call 911!!”

“I’m… I’m fine.” 

You tried to sit up fully but felt a surge of pain rip through you. With a gasp, you dropped back down. MJ and Peter appeared over you, both looking equally as worried. Peter knelt beside you and placed a hand to your head.

“The car didn’t hit you,” Peter assured, “You’re going to be fine.”

“I don’t feel so fine,” you chuckled.

Another burst of pain caused you to cry out. Harry took your hand and you immediately wished that it was his father here instead of him. You were scared- no that word wasn’t enough. You were terrified. Your mind was a whirlwind of thoughts. And one thought stood out even though it wasn’t important- Norman was going to be worried that you were so late.

“The ambulance is on its way!” MJ declared. 

“I… I need to tell Norman,” you muttered, “He’s waiting for me. He needs to know… what happened.”

Harry nodded.

“I’ll tell him. After we get you to the hospital.”

“No… I need… I need… Uhhhh… I feel woozy….”

Your hand came to your head and you squeezed your eyes shut. You could hear the distant sirens wailing as they approached. Every other sound blended together to make your ears scream. You tried to breathe but that was starting to become difficult. 

“Y/N!? Harry!?”

Norman’s panicked voice made your eyes snap open. 

“Dad!” Harry called out, “She was… There was a…”

You were suddenly taken from Harry and hefted into Norman’s arms. And you knew instantly- everything would be okay.

—

Norman felt like his entire world was ending. 

He had left his office in hopes of meeting you at the cafe even though he was so late. But the moment he stepped out of the OSCORP building, he was greeted by a horrific sight. Several onlookers were gathered around while you were down on the street held in the arms of his son. Peter and MJ were standing guard over you, telling people to back up and talking to a man who had the paramedics on the phone. 

The moment Harry’s head came up and saw his father, he called out for him. Norman ran to his side and immediately collected you into his arms. You looked up at him but he could tell by the dull look in your eyes- you were struggling to stay conscious. With determination, Norman lifted you into the air and started carrying you to the sidewalk.

“Dad, I don’t think we should move her-”

“I am getting her out of the street,” Norman snapped, “What happened??!”

Harry wiped at his watering eyes as he gestured back towards the road. 

“She went to cross the street when the light turned red, but there was this sports car that just blew through the light. It almost hit her but she fell back just in time. But she still rolled and I think she hit her head.”

Norman looked at Peter and knew right away that he was the one who had saved your life. There was still a tendril of webbing stuck to your back hidden by your hair. 

If it wasn’t for Peter, you would’ve died.

“Norman…?”

Norman looked down at you and forced a smile. As he knelt down on the sidewalk and placed you in his lap, he lovingly brushed your hair out of your face. In this moment, he didn’t care what others thought. He just wanted you to feel safe.

“I’m here,” he soothed, “Everything will be alright. Just try to stay awake.”

“I’m trying but… I’m kinda tired now…”

Norman grimaced as he inspected the gash on your forehead.

“Do I look awful?” you slurred.

“No,” Norman whispered quickly, “You look as lovely as ever.”

You choked out a laugh.

“I don’t believe you.”

Norman tried to smile and you gave a weak one of your own. 

“Dad! The ambulance is here.”

Looking up, Norman saw the ambulance park as close as possible. A pair of paramedics clambered out of the vehicle and approached. Harry told them exactly what happened as they brought the gurney over for you. Norman was the one who lifted you into it, refusing to let you go. He walked alongside you as they wheeled you to the back of the ambulance. Harry went to get into the vehicle with you, but Norman stopped him.

“I’ll go with her.”

“But-”

“You make sure to get your friends home. Take the car.”

Norman handed Harry his keys and the boy nodded.

“Thanks Dad.”

Norman climbed into the back of the ambulance and took your hand as soon as the doors closed. You had your eyes closed, having finally lost the battle to keep conscious. The paramedic in the back began checking your vitals as the vehicle sped away down the street.

“She’s going to be fine, sir.” The young man insisted. 

Norman didn’t care if the paramedic saw him. He brought your hand to his mouth and kissed your fingers. He held your hand the whole way to the hospital. He would’ve carried you in himself if they would’ve let him. But he ended up in a waiting room as the doctors took a better look at you. Despite the paramedic’s assurances, Norman paced around with worry. 

He couldn’t lose you. 

He needed you.

[fagboyfriend]

how did you get so good at crowded perspective pieces?

hey lol. forgive me for the wait, i tried to answer this (twice) on the day u sent this and both times my app crashed after me typing out a whole thing so i just needed to. take a breath before trying again. im on vacation rn so i dont have all of my files/sketches so im gonna try and make do with what i have.

the real answer is that i only really started doing it recently! i really made the resolution to make my work more involved and resolved instead of just doodling a character on a random background.. i’m very inspired by cartoonists and comicmaking and so i want my illustrations to be fully resolved scenes that tell stories and communicate ideas. right now im focusing a lot on trans bodies in close proximity, small spaces and domestic t4t relationships. I started off with a few studies. I did sketches of some artists who drew enviroments i enjoyed and tried my best to grasp an understanding of spatial relationships. taking some life drawing classes also really helped ^_^

im gonna talk about my house party series bc its relevant but i used different methods to sketch each one!

i used the csp perspective tool to create a linear grid to work off of, it’s very helpful, i knew i wanted a more centered composition for this one so i drew my center character first and figured out how to layer others around them from there!

this one was a little more complex. i made a photo collage (i wish i had used my own refs but. we all make mistakes) and then went over it with a lasso tool blocking out chunks of color. then i turned off the collage layer and drew over the chunks until i was happy with my layout! for this composition, i wanted your eye to travel pretty nonstop around the peice so i chose to make it cluttered and vertical to overwhelm the viewer!

this one was actually not sketched digitally!! i drew the characters in my sketchbook since i knew i wanted to go for a more layered and abstracted vibe, then used my lightboard to trace them on top of eachother.

I think creating crowd scenes is a lot about juggling space, figuring out how to make things look cramped but not have things blend into one blob. it’s difficult, but with patience you can learn to balance the elements effectivly.

[pine-niidles]

January Project Updates

I'm going to start this by pretending I'm not posting this a week into February, and you're going to go along with me, ok? Ok! 

Well January sure went by quick! My update last time was pretty hesitant, but I think I am properly getting back into things. On top of that I finally got a reply on my visa and I'm flying back to Scotland at the end of the month 🎉 Very excited to be home! I'm looking forward to seeing my girlfriend and friends again and being back in a space I've designed to work for me. Now, onto what I've been up to:

2023 sketchbook

Part two of attempting to document my art: I put together scans of my physical sketchbook with a bunch of digital drawings from last year. The pdf is pretty much complete, I've just been putting off figuring out the cover and writing a quick intro & outro.  

I guess I'm also kind of hesitant to put a price on it since 60% of it is stuff I've posted publically, but I keep telling myself it's worth it anyway. And it's nice to see all that art in one place rather than lost to void of social media.

Stickers

I got myself some sticker paper and have been doing a bunch of test prints to get to know it (and my printer). I'm really happy with how they're turning out! It's extremely satisfying to print out my art and hold it in my hands.

I plan to set up an online shop sometime after I get back to Scotland, I'll probably open it in March. Sticker packs will be up for sale there alongside zines & prints 🌟

Commissions

Perhaps this is more of a February update but by the time the month is over it'll be too late to let you know! I opened regular commission slots and alongside them I made a fun valentines YCH, only slightly vampire themed. Very self-indulgent but I hope you'll like them it too.

I'll probably only take one more slot before closing both the forms :)

February Plans

- Hourly comics day was the 1st of February. I'm pretending this is just a January update, so I won't go too far into it right now. I did finish it, and I'm formatting the comics to make into a zine!

- Sketchbooking - I'm finally returning to drawing in my physical sketchbook again, I'll start posting scans again as soon as I have ~10 pages done

- Impractical but Extremely Cool Fantasy Swords zine, I have (almost) all the swords finished I just need to put it all together

- and gotta focus on finishing those commissions ofc <3

[cycloptics]

This is basically a diary entry that gets dark but maybe it’s onto something? I needed it okay

Basically I’m just talking about art and being autistic and quitting my job after hitting burnout

And also some personal traumatic shit I guess

Please don’t feel inclined to read this if you don’t want to I think I just needed to put out my real fucking feelings into the world ya know?

Something really crazy has happened since I hit burnout.

I spent forever hating every piece of art I did, whether it was painting, drawing, or nail art. I’ve hated all of it, never thought I was good enough. I still don’t, of course, but I do atleast feel like I see potential during the process.

But now, since I’ve got the support of people who love my work, or love me, I’m able to look at it again (after a break of hyperfocus) and I can say “okay.. wow, that’s pretty good. I like that.” And that’s fucking HUGE! But what’s even crazier is I looked back and old work I did, work that sat in my sketchbooks abandoned forever, and I am like holy shit. I did that. And I love that.

I painted this in 2019-2020, I’m not even sure when, but I remember being in my apartment, I remember this being one of those pieces where I was desperate to make art. I desperately looked for ways to make a living doing art, just so I’d be able to paint. I bought a Wacom pen and a laptop, I was determined to learn digital art.. and I hated it. Then I bought an iPad and Apple Pencil, still didn’t love digital art. Then someone said “you should do nails” and I thought it was perfect. Then I went to school and did that. Worked my ass off. Went to the best salon in my area and worked there, killing myself and burning myself out in the process, trying to be perfect.

**TW: death, PTSD, loss of a pet, loss of a parent, hospitals**

Then my cat got sick, and even though I syringe fed him prescription food and cat pedialyte, gave him meds, and tried everything, he died.

Then a week later my dad tore his Achilles and ended up in the hospital with 2 DVTs and a PE. He then fought for 2 months to stay alive for us. I watched my dad code and survive multiple times, spent Christmas in ICU with him on a bipap to breathe, watched him lose his fucking mind, praying to god, almost fighting god, seizing, shaking, crying, desperately kissing me and my brothers heads while not being able to say anything other than beg god. I tried everything I could to bring his mind back, because it was my dads biggest fuckin fear was losing his mind. I brought pictures and showed him.. the guilt I feel for going to work while my dad was in the fucking hospital. The calls I got. The way he begged me to break him out of there, and I will always regret not doing that. I’ll never forget it the faces my dad made, the sounds he made, when delirium took over and he was so scared, and looked nothing like himself. Covered head to toe in bruises and restrained to the bed, because they tried to put a Bipap on him when he was sleeping. I’ll never forget seeing how broken my dad was, a man who was so prideful and stubborn, and whose biggest nightmare came true when his youngest daughter had to help him use the bathroom. The way my dad never wanted to seem weak, and the way my stepmom humiliated him. The way she made him sound so pathetic to the doctors that they gave him too much oxygen constantly, because she said he couldn’t do anything without almost suffocating. The way she lied and said he was on 2 liters every night, because that’s how she got her oxygen. She was on 2 liters. My dad refused to use it. The way that him getting too much oxygen made his COPD worse. How that’s what ended up being the cause of death. Not the blood clots that I was so terrified of, that it was COPD. I’ll never forget New Year’s Day and me having full blown OCD had texted everyone in my family begging them not to do laundry because it would mean my dad would die, and finding out my stepmom did laundry because she isn’t superstitious.. then that day finding out my dad was never gonna make it out. I’ll never forget moving to comfort care, and trying to make sure my dad heard all his favorite songs as we all said goodbye to him, or the fact that when it came down to it, my dad was taken off of everything and still refused to die in front of his kids. That my brother made us leave. And he died soon after we left the room. I’ll never forget falling asleep and swearing I’d hear his voice. Crying to Al green in my car. Going fully nonverbal after he died. I thought I knew death because my mom died, but I was wrong. I didn’t know death was so fucking UGLY.

Probably the worst part of death is finding out that it’s so fucking gutwrenchingly ugly. it’s so rarely peaceful. The portrayals I saw of it or heard of it, those were coping mechanisms from grieving people just hiding the reality of it.

I also can’t forgive my stepmom for cremating my dad when he had a literal plot next to my mom, with a headstone my grandfather carved (family biz was monuments) or the fact that she told everyone he didn’t want a funeral.

My dad would never have deprived his kids of the opportunity to grieve him properly.

So I don’t have his ashes, we never did any service, and I’m still pretty fucking fucked up from it.

Then two weeks later one of my best friends died, she was the same age my mom was, with kids the same ages me and my brothers were when my mom died, and she died suddenly with no warning, just like my mom. Her parents called me to tell me. Her dad a week before had reached out to see how I was doing when my dad passed. The universe really is funny that way.

Then another friend died, liver failure. Fucking what? And I couldn’t go to that funeral because I had to work, and I had already taken off too much time for all the other deaths. Couldn’t be the sad employee with all the dead friends and family members apparently. And it gnawed at me that I let work keep me from being with my dad when he was dying, that I missed a funeral because of the pressure to be at work, that I was having breakdowns during nail appointments and only heard about how fucking slow I was.

So I quit my fuckin job. And I regret nothing.

Am I broke as fuck? YES. Have I figured out how to make money for real? Nope. Have I listed anything? Nope. But I will.

Because burnout really taught me that I know what my real passion is in life and what makes me happy, and it’s fucking paint. And art supplies. And doodles. And hyper focusing on something and picking it apart for hours and not having someone over my shoulder telling me I’m too slow, or it’s not good enough.

I’m still in burnout, but if I didn’t hit it, I’d never have allowed myself to heal. I’d never have let myself focus on my actual needs, because I never let them matter. Just had to be a machine that did perfect work to make money for others while I took enough to pay my bills.

And tbh, I’m fine with only getting by, as long as I am doing something I actually enjoy.

Anyway. This started about me realizing that I don’t absolutely suck at art, but I think I really just needed to let out all of these feelings without worrying about anyone else’s. I people pleased through grief. What a dumb thing to do. Fuck masking. Fuck it. I’m done.

[starlightmeadowbloomthesecond]

I posted 9 times in 2022

That's 9 more posts than 2021!

9 posts created (100%)

0 posts reblogged (0%)

I tagged 9 of my posts in 2022

#my art - 9 posts

#my digital art - 9 posts

#dreamworks - 6 posts

#puss in boots - 5 posts

#dreamworks puss in boots - 5 posts

#puss in boots the last wish - 5 posts

#romance - 4 posts

#love - 4 posts

#disney tangled - 3 posts

#heart - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 40 characters

#day of the little candles with starlight

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

🎲My First Digital Art of DicePunzel☀️

This is my first digital drawing of my favourite ship that I’ve made: DicePunzel (King Dice x Rapunzel)

Let’s just say that I was truly bored and that I would like to do something new and here it is, I tried the app called Sketchbook that got many tools you could think of it turned out great! Hope all of you like it.

5 notes - Posted November 18, 2022

#4

🎲My Second Digital Drawing of DicePunzel☀️

I also did another that those two were about to share the first attempt of the kiss 😘

I actually proud of the results and here’s what it says on this picture that I got from my Instagram;

See the full post

6 notes - Posted November 19, 2022

#3

🕯Day of the Little Candles with Starlight🕯

Made this from 1st to 4th of December, I do hope all of you like this! Day of the Little Candle will be on the 7th of December, so bring the magical dust to your door and maybe draw something like this in your style and your favourite fandoms and your own original characters!

7 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

#2

🦝SlyWolf🐺 Digital Art

I also made something so sweet and cute for SlyWolf that is based on Angie’s love for Oscar in Shark Tales

I kinda went over board but I absolutely love it!

8 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Puss in Boots DTIYS

This is my 500 dtiys for everyone to join in! Not only to celebrate my 500 followers, but also celebrate Puss in Boots: The Last Wish as well!

Here are the rules;

1) draw this in your style, no tracing or copying (sorry, guys)

2) you can change the few things but make sure that it looks similar to this art that I show you

3) you can add few things to make it outstanding and breathtaking for antoniobanderas or joel.crawford.art to see (from Instagram)

4) make sure it's still the same outfit that I already show you for Puss to wear (yes, it looks similar to Belle from Beauty and the Beast.…ish...)

5) you can add few of his friends if you want or it can be a crossover friends as well

6) make sure to tag my name as well as the hashtag called #PussinBootsWishingStarDTIYS (it can be in instagram or tumblr, or even DeviantArt)

7) it can be digital or traditional if you want

8) have fun (because everyone will have a great time with this challenge as pussinboots from dreamworks in instagram)

The deadline will be 23rd of April 2023 as the day would be called Spanish Language Day

13 notes - Posted December 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[chroma-imp-draws]

8, 1, 21 for the ask game? :>

1. Overall thoughts on what you’ve created this year

Generally I think it's been a pretty good year in terms of drawing. I definitely spent a lot of time procrastinating though and I hate that I didn't get to more of the projects I really, really want to work on. Like, when I did manage to actually sit down and draw it went pretty well but I just didn't do it enough because my self-control sucks

8. Are you happy with what you’ve made this year?

I would say I'm pretty happy with almost everything I've actually finished this year. Obviously there's a number of pieces that I could've done more on but for the amount of time I spent on them they're pretty solid.

21. Do you feel like your art changed over the last year?

This is actaully pretty hard to answer and made me look through my sketchbooks and digital files to check lol But honestly, I don't think much has changed, maybe I've gotten a little better at using a brush pen and drawing specific animals but otherwise I feel like my art still looks the same. But I guess that's to be expected, I didn't make any big changes to my workflow or materials.

Thank you for asking :3

questions from this ask meme uwu

[roseofhybrids]

My Art Progress Across roughly 7 years

Let's see how many images I can shove into a single post So over on the tweeter there's been a trend of people posting comparisons of old art with their more recent art. Well this lead me to picking through my older art and putting together a little timeline, starting with the oldest digital art I still have some kind of copy of.

2015-16 (age 13-14) printed copies of some of my earliest digital art. In middle school, they had us make envelopes to be sent to us when we graduated high school. So of course I put some of my art in, which is the only reason these have survived, as the original files are long gone.

2017 At this point, these were being done with Sketchbook on an LG tablet (same for the 2015-16 art) with one of those touchscreen pens with a rubber end. Those pens aren't exactly made to be dragged around the screen that much, and quickly wore holes in the rubber. I think I went through 2-3 of them.

2018 It was this year I got my first proper art tablet, a Wacom Intuos pen tablet. All my digital art since then has been on one. At some point, the original one stopped working, I think in early to mid 2019. Got replaced with another of the same kind, which is still going strong. Before all that, though, I still did a few on the LG that I still have. When I did switch to the computer, I kept with Sketchbook for a while before getting FireAlpaca.

2019 At some point, FireAlpaca simply stopped working on my computer. Not clue why, but I couldn't fix it and so needed to find a new program to use. I feel as though I may have used some other programs, but I can't recall any of them, eventually though I found Krita on Steam and began using it.

2020 (age 18) Graduation year (among other things). I can find a lot of 2017 drawings, but not many 2018-19 ones. This is likely because I was at the high of my depression and anxiety in high school, and I didn't exactly have the time or motivation to do much drawing in between panic attacks and depressive episodes. I was actually hospitalized when I was 17 and after getting out I started to get a lot better (just in time for the plague to hit.)

(continued)

[mintisse]

RayConnect Cut Content from Chapters 1-13

So RayConnect was on hiatus this month so I could do more research into comic structure and finish some side projects. However, better believe the rascals from RayConnect continue to live in my head rent free. So instead of a chapter today, I figured I'd post sketches or bits I forgot to draw for each chapter, just for a fun sneak peek! Sketches and commentary under the cut:

So for some quick context as to why the sketches look the way they do: I draw the panels traditionally in a sketch book, and write along what the characters say in them, and then scan those pages to be done digitally. I really dislike digital sketching, it feels too unnatural for me. For me, it's most important that I try to make each part of the comic making process as enjoyable as possible. Needless to say, with these chapters, I've already filled out 3 sketchbooks.

Chapter 4: The Green Grunt Part 2

Chapters 1-3 didn't have anything cut, but chapter 4 is where I started to get more conscious about how much I was making and how much I could really handle a month. Despite that, this was the only sketch I cut. Here, Glair (Green Grunt) is contemplating where she heard Red Agent's name from, before realizing she heard that Red Agent had attacked some kids.

Chapter 5: The Blue Diva

An entire scene got cut here. After Vectra and Ray were to bond over knowing the show "Fair Sisters" (a fake show that's basically just "Friends"). Vectra was originally supposed to show her disgust over one of the character's choices, which Ray would have defended. I felt this scene was very unnatural, and showed Vectra's internalized issues way too on the nose. So it got replaced with a lighthearted Vectra jab at Ray.

Chapter 8: The Magenta Heart (Part 2)

Chapter 8 was easily the most jam packed, and longest chapter I've ever made. I tried so hard to shorten content into singular panels and simplify them. Yet again though, I was only able to cut out one joke, where Ray would have realized Dyea had moved to Mayden solely to replace Pinta as an influencer. This was cut out for 2 reasons. 1. Ray really wouldn't have had an issue with this revelation despite not understanding it. 2. This kinda joke would work better on another character...

Chapter 9: The Yellow Angel

So two cuts here. First is Ray asking Gray why he has such a problem with her, and he would have elaborated that Cole wouldn't stop talking about her in their swimming classes; to which Ray would have just gotten more confused. This was cut because frankly it just wasn't necessary. I do like the shoujo-fied Cole though

I remember when my husband read chapter 9, he asked me "so when are you killing the kids?" and I just went "opps." Maybe I should include more scenes that show them more sympathetically

Secondly was a panel where Lotti scolded Ray for being bad with the kids. This dialogue was combined with another panel, and the sketch was cut to save some time.

Chapter 10: A Date with an Angel

Here, C. Styles was pestering Lotti to make sure she was paying attention. The dialogue was kept, but the sketch was cut to save time. I do really like Lotti's pose here

This wasn't really a cut panel, but I did wanna show that originally, Ray was sticking her tongue out at C. Styles as he ran away. I eventually changed it so she just looked confused and annoyed. Ray is petty enough to do this, but here I didn't think the tongue made sense

Chapter 11: Cole'd Coffee

This was another instance of where an entire scene got cut. Ray was originally supposed to find out that Cole had gone to RE-CNACT by discovering he wasn't in the bathroom. However, the entire plot of this chapter was that Ray couldn't get off her phone, so I figured it made more sense she saw a notification that Cole was online.

Chapter 13: The Coffee Date

Originally, Ray was supposed to ask Glair why she was angry at Cole, which Glair would have whispered in her ear. This would have prompted Ray to tell Cole to apologize, and he only gets more confused. I decided I didn't want this in the chapter because I want Glair's anger at Cole to remain a mystery for now.

Lotti was also supposed to bring a gift basket to the coffee date, but I completely spaced drawing it in. Maybe someday I can go back and edit it in...

Aaaaand that's everything for chapters 1-13! RayConnect will be back with chapter 14 at the end of September! Thank you for reading and I'm looking forward to bringing back my rascals very soon <3

[skruffie]

thought dump on burnout and creative recovery

I really underestimated how long it would take to recover my creativity after getting burnt out. A job I spent like two and a half years doing caused enough damage to my mental and emotional stamina that it made me a complete stranger, and in the last couple years since quitting I've done A LOT of recovering... and my drive for drawing and art is like

????????

it's there, and it's not

Joining a TTRPG group helped a lot. I went from being legitimately afraid I'd never draw again to suddenly drawing in quick bursts. My quick bursts are kind of the new rhythm I have now and as a sort of physical reminder I bring my sketchbook and other drawing supplies with me to work almost every day. Do I draw every day? Absolutely not. Knowing I have them within reach though is somehow almost enough.

The other day I was just doing some experimenting with my colored pencils trying to see, with how pigmented Prismacolor pencils are, how deep of a skintone I could blend. Focusing on just thinking about the color process, picking the pencils, blending them, trying to do a classic shaded sphere somehow has my artistic brain unlocked and I wonder if this is what's been lacking. My short bursts of drawing over the last couple years is because I've been trying to approach it like how I used to before I burnt out. Trying to just draw without worrying about perfection or anything hasn't quite been the fix. I'm too stiff, too fixed on the muscle memory of knowing how to draw but it not looking right.

The other night I found myself in a deep dive of those old school how to draw manga books that I think are a rite of passage for any young artist at a certain point. I found them on the internet archive and spent a bit flipping through them and remembering the feeling of awe and inspiration I had over twenty years ago when I first read them. I've been watching youtube videos on digital coloring--not because I don't know how, but it's because like.... I have the steps, I have my usual process, but there's still this brain-hand disconnect where it almost feels like I forgot how to do it all. Color studies, going back to basics, I think maybe these are the breadcrumbs I've been needing. The color studies especially somehow were engaging a more neglected part of my creativity.

When I was drawing a lot more frequently, a lot of my daydreaming when not drawing was spent imagining my environment like I was working on an illustration of it in photoshop. I'd see how light would be bouncing off of a surface or following the lines of a blanket or something, and then picturing that on a digital canvas with my layers menu off to the side. I had a constant imaginary workspace in my head where I'd been going through all the layer functions and the color picker and futzing with the brush settings to imagine how I'd get the texture of that surface to look just right. I don't daydream like this much anymore but I don't know when I stopped.

I have several unfinished drawings I've started over the last several months but there's a wall I hit at a certain point. On one, I'm almost done with the lineart and then I got stuck figuring out how I wanted to color it. On the others, I have the lines and flat colors down but shading them have been difficult. A night or two ago I was struggling to start a digital painting and tonight I finally did start it and so far there hasn't really been any hiccups there. My sketchbook has a ton of really static 3/4 view headshots; drawings just for the sake of drawing. Sometimes I've enjoyed it. Sometimes I've drawn just to remind myself that I do in fact remember how to. This is a weird state to be in.

I have no idea if I'm burnt out still, if this is just how it is now, if I'm going to have that same freeflowing creativity and motivation, if this is the thing the adults around me meant when they would say things like "Yeah I used to draw a lot too, but I just got busy with life and stopped". I'm not really scared that I've lost it forever but I'm just not sure how to navigate this new territory with my artwork.

[aldercaps]

Artist ask game!

2 5 9 16 22 26 29 30

Go!

thank for the ask!! This kind of stuff is very fun to talk about

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

I will nearly always draw someone facing left if I have a choice! idk its just easier. often if i have to draw someone facing right i just... flip the canvas so i can draw them facing left instead skdjhfs

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

oh the VAST majority i don't post, it's mostly doodles and things that i don't think are finished enough to publish. the stuff you see on tumblr and instagram is like, 10% of what i make probably.

9. What are your file name conventions

uhhhhhhhhhh. bad. on my new laptop it doesn't automatically show what the file visually looks like which makes it WAY easier to find what i'm looking for. let me see the pictures, windows

these are just the files ive actually named. the stuff that stays on procreate just stays as "untitled artwork 256"

like once a year i'll go through all my files and name them with reasonable things like the one on the bottom, since thats what my digital design teacher taught me when i was in high school, but otherwise its just. random words.

16. Something you are good at but don’t really have fun doing

I don't know if I'm especially good at it more than other stuff i do, but i just don't see the point in doing clean, crisp lineart. i CAN do it, I just hate it. it takes so long and id rather spend fifteen hours painting than doing crisp lines and cel shading.

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any

😬

sometimes i remember to do stretches afterwards?

26. What’s a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

uhhhhh i'm not actually sure. I can remember a drawing i did ages ago back in highschool of two characters about to get into a fight, one of my friends looked over as i was flipping through and shrieked because she thought i was drawing them about to fuck, if that counts? I couldn't find it to show you though, I have no idea where my sketchbooks from high school went.

29. Media you love, but doesn’t inspire you artistically

god, i don't really know? Even if something doesn't directly *visually* inspire me, I don't think anything I love doesn't affect my art in some way, even if I'm not consciously doing it. Permeability of the soul and all that.

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

hmmm. I can't think of anything recent since my art like, consistently gets more than 2 notes now, which is still wild to me. i could tell which one is definitely OVERrated (tumblr radar found my post just as the wwdits hyperfixation faded for good) but maybe this one from two years ago? I still really like it, but it only got like ten notes.

[harriertail]

How long have you been doing art? Also how long have you been in the warrior cats fandom?

Hm. Idk? I’ve been drawing since I was very very young apparently. I got this account in… 2019 maybe? I posted my first art here anyway in 2019. I had an *old* youtube channel in… fuck knows maybe 2015-16 (do not quote me) where i posted really btec amvs but i cant recall if i had a deviantart or anything like that attached. I had a scratch account. Maybe WCRP too. I dont know if i consider myself part of the fandom even now but ive been a fan of warriors since… I was young. I struggle with remembering years, but i remember coming back from a school trip to france and my mum giving me a copy of the Last Hope in the carpark (wiki says 2012, so maybe those amvs were 2012/23/14 yikes) and i defo picked up reading the series as OoTS was coming out. I took Fading Echoes on holiday once. I maybe discovered the internet in 2013? I remember old amvs. Tumblr in… 2016 according to the archive of my main; rooktail/harriertail in 2019 when i went to college. DoTC was during my last years of secondary; I did an art gcse but didn’t do fanart for anything even in sketchbooks. I didnt understand digital art and how it worked. I wrote bad warriors fanfic on wattpad in 2015. I didn’t keep up with the series too hard then. I think I read DoTC after i moved out after school. I got a tablet with my first dodgy paycheck. Read Tigerhearts Shadow on the train to college. AVoS was the first series I was posting alongside. Crowfeathers Trial while i was working on building sites. I skipped a house party to read TBC. I read ALitM over my exam revision just like I did in 2016. Im older now but the cats are the same.

[avengerscompound]

Running to a Standstill - 18

Running to a Standstill: A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x F!Reader

Word Count:  2893

Rating:  E

Warnings: Smut (mmf bisexual threesome, oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex)

Synopsis: While on the run from an unknown organization trying to take your son, you meet two super-soldiers.  While they try to help you get to the bottom of who is hunting you and your son, feelings come out and admissions are made that make your personal life even more tricky.

Epilogue

Your feet hurt a little and you were hungry to the point that you were considering just tearing a piece off the sourdough loaf you’d bought, and eating it plain before you even finished your ride up in the elevator.  Even with these minor discomforts, you felt really good.  You had just ventured out to the nearest bodega alone for the first time since moving to the Tower.

It had been eight months since the raid on Madripoor and while everyone had doubts that HYDRA was gone for good the new rightful ruler of Madripoor was pretty thorough with cleaning the NAZI organization out of their nation.  Not for any particular need to clear out all criminal organizations mind you, just to clear out the one creating the most competition.  Madripoor was for all accounts, still lawless.

All the people involved in the production and distribution of the super-soldier drug had been arrested.  You had hopes that the drug might end up virtually extinct the way the Quaalude was now.  However, you logically knew someone who still had them would try and replicate them.  Given the fact that the drugs existed in the first place because someone was trying to replicate what they’d done to Steve way back in 1943.

What you’d stopped being worried about was them bothering you anymore.  The Avengers, thanks to Tony, Vision, FRIDAY, and with a little help from Geo, had managed to remove any details regarding the names of people who were experimented on.  Which meant there was no one left to know that Geo had powers and no one left to hunt you.  You were safe and you could finally have some semblance of a normal life.

It had taken you a while for any of you to trust that.  For a month you still didn’t want to go out at all just in case there was some kind of retaliation or last-ditch effort to grab you.  When you finally did it was with Bucky and a group of guards.  Gradually the guards dropped in number.   When all the HYDRA members were convicted you started to go out with just Bucky and every time you went out, there was no one watching you that shouldn’t be.  No one followed you or made you feel unsafe.  Sure, Bucky would get looks but you could tell the difference between Avengers groupies and the people who had been trying to kidnap your son.

Today was the first time you’d ventured out alone.  It was only down the street and you still weren’t brave enough to take Geo out without at least Bucky or Steve with you, but it was a start. You’d only looked over your shoulder a few times.  You’d done this alone for years, you knew what to look out for and it wasn’t there.  You were safe.

More than safe, you were happy.  With all that weight off your shoulders, you were able to just enjoy life again.  Every part of it.  Being a mother wasn’t just a case of protection and high alert twenty-four/seven.  You played with Geo more.  You let your guard down and let him get on with the job of being a kid.  You started to look back into the things you had studied in college and were seriously beginning to consider studying again so you might be able to have an actual career and not just a cash-under-the-table job that paid your bills but kept you off the books.  You were looking at schools for Geo.  You were letting yourself be a girlfriend and opening yourself up to the fact that this could be it.  You might have actually found two people that were your people the same way your husband had been.

The apartment was alive with sound and smells as you stepped in.  Bucky was cooking, he’d just started when you’d ducked down to the bodega for a couple of missing ingredients and now the whole place was full of the scent of garlic, herbs, and cooking tomato.  Music was playing over the speaker and Geo seemed to be talking animatedly with the AI as the two of them played some digital version of snap using his tablet.  Steve sat with a sketchbook on his knee.  There were crayons scattered over the table from when he’d been drawing with Geo but now he was just sitting with his pencil poised but not actually drawing anything.

“He looked up when you came in and smiled.  “Hey, sweetheart.  How did you go?”

“Good,” you said, as Bucky abandoned whatever it was he was stirring and rushed over to you.  “Got a little jumpy at the alleys but there was nothing to worry about.”

“Did you get what I needed?” Bucky asked, digging around your fabric bag while it still hung from your elbow and fishing out items as he found them.

“Yes, honey,” you said, pushing the whole bag into his hands.  “Here take it.”

Bucky took the bag and you went to sit down with Steve and Geo.  Steve took your hand as you went to pass him, and you let him pull you down into his lap.  “I’m proud of you,” he whispered.

“It wasn’t that big of a deal,” you said.  “I used to go out on my own all the time when I was on the run.  I didn’t have a lot of other choices.”

Steve’s arm circled your waist and he nosed at the side of your neck.  “I know.  Still.  I’m glad you're starting to feel safe.”

You relaxed in his lap and Geo climbed up onto you.  You did feel safe.  And loved.  And all the things you had missed for three years.  Despite the fact you had been trying to go slow for Geo’s sake, it was hard when you felt like this with them.  It was clear that Geo was feeling just as safe and at home as you were.

When he was very upset he was still the mommy’s boy he’d always been, but more and more he was turning to Steve and Bucky.  Not just when he wanted to be comforted.  He did it when he was excited about something, or wanted to play a game, or have a story told to him.  He’d ask them to take him out or take him up to the pool.  As scary as it was for you to see Geo starting to treat these two men the way he would have his own father, as melancholy as that hit, it was still happening.  Geo now had two father figures where he once had none.

Even though neither had said anything about it, you could tell they were seeing Geo as a son too.  This was your family now and some moments terrified you, but mostly you couldn’t believe how lucky you were.  There were days where you thanked whatever force it was that had led you to not only apply for a lease in Clint Barton’s apartment block but to begin dog sitting for him so that you just happened to be dropping Lucky off at the same time Steve and Bucky were there.

Bucky called you all for dinner and you ate around a table sharing stories about your day and making plans for the following day.  Just like a family on an old sitcom, only with extra dads and you all genuinely liked each other.

After dinner you gave Geo his bath and took him to bed, reading to him from a comic about Figment the dragon from that old Disney ride at Epcot.  It was a comic that Bucky owned for some reason which was odd because he would have been in cryo freeze during the entire time that ride even existed, yet he had it none-the-less.  Geo spent a lot of time looking at each picture so that the thin comic that would normally only take five minutes to get through was being dragged out so it was closer to twenty.

“Bug-key sayed dat dis dwagons was a robod,” Geo said, tapping the cover when you were done reading.

You chuckled.  “It was, and it’s weird he even knows that,” you confirmed.  “The robot dragon is gone now.  We can take you to Disney World some time, then you can see all the different robots.  I don’t think any of them will be as smart as FRIDAY though.”

“No…”  Geo said, shaking his head.  “FWIDAY is da smartest.”

“Thank you, Geo,” FRIDAY replied, the fondness of the little boy evident in her voice.

“Alright, you,” you said, putting the comic away.  “Lie down.  Time to sleep.”

He flopped back onto the pillow and you kissed his forehead. “Good night, I love you,” you said.

“Wuv you too, mommy,” he replied.  “Have sweed dreams.”

“You too, little one.”

“Mommy,” he said as you got up.  “I dotta say goodnight to Bug-key and Steeb.”

You chuckled.  “I’ll send them in.”

You stepped out of the bedroom to find Bucky and Steve sharing the recliner as they watched the news.  “He wants to say goodnight to both of you too.”

“We can manage that,” Steve said as they both got up.

Bucky and Steve went into Geo’s room as you went and got ready for bed too.  It was still early but you figured whatever the plans were for tonight, they’d be more enjoyable in your pajamas.  When you came out into the bedroom you shared with Bucky and Steve, they were there getting undressed.

“He didn’t cause you any trouble?”  You asked.

“No.  He just said goodnight and had FRIDAY turn out the lights,” Steve answered.

“I like when I’m here to say goodnight to him,” Bucky added.  “He’s so funny how he wishes you sweet dreams too.”

“Yeah, we can use them,” Steve added.

“Speaking of,” you said and looked over at Steve.  Lately, when you and Steve had been alone, you’d started talking about Bucky moving in.  He was here a lot anyway and the times he wasn’t it felt like he was missing.  The three of you still took time to enjoy each other one-on-one, but now you were all happier and more relaxed when it was the three of you.

Bucky froze in the process of stepping out of his jeans and stared at you like a deer in headlights.  “What?  What did I do?”

“Nothing, Buck,” Steve chuckled.  “We were wondering… hoping really, that you’d move in here with us.”

“What?  Really?”  Bucky said, standing up straight and looking between the two of you.

“Yeah.  You don’t have to decide right now…” Steve said.

“No, I want to,” Bucky said, lurching forward, completely forgetting he was still in his jeans and falling flat on his face.

“Bucky!” You yelped, rushing to his side and helping him back up, while Steve watched on with a slightly bemused look on his face.

“I’m okay.  I’m good,” Bucky assured you as he got back up and kicked off his pants.  “I want to move in.  When?”

“Whenever you like,” Steve said.  “We can bring your stuff down tomorrow if you like.”

“I do like,” Bucky said.  He pulled you close and cradled your face.  “Yes, I want to.”  He leaned in and kissed you deeply.  As the two of you kissed, Bucky reached out to Steve, pulling him closer, so when Bucky pulled back from you, he moved straight to kissing him.   You ran your hands down Steve’s chest and nuzzled at Bucky’s neck, nipping at his throat gently.

Bucky pulled back and smirked at you.  “You tryin’ to start up some celebrations, huh?”

“Maybe?”  You giggled, tugging on his boxers.

“I think that might be something that can be arranged,” Steve teased.  He picked you up like you weighed nothing and tossed you onto the bed.  You squealed and quickly spread your legs and opened your arms to Bucky as he crawled up your body.  He began to unbutton your flannel pajama top and kissed your skin along each new part that became exposed to him.  His fingers brushed over your breasts as he pulled the fabric apart and your right nipple, puckered and hardened under the cool metal of his left hand.

Steve took off his boxers and moved up beside you.  He leaned in and kissed you.  His lips moved slowly against yours and his tongue teased the corner of your mouth.  You reached down and massaged his cock.  He was already semi-hard and as your palm moved up and down his length and you curled your fingers around his shaft, the blood rushed to it.

Bucky began to grind down against your cunt.  You could feel the press of his cock through the fabric of your pants, the thick shaft pushing between your folds and rubbing up and down against your pussy, making your whole body tingle and your cunt start to drip.  He leaned down and pulled one of your nipples into his mouth.  His teeth pressed against it and you moaned, breaking the kiss with Steve and arching your back so you pushed your breast up into Bucky’s greedy mouth.

Steve moved to his knees, pumping his cock as he looked down at you.  You leaned up and lapped over the head as it disappeared and reappeared under the foreskin with each pump of Steve’s hand.  He teased the head over your lips and you opened your mouth, letting him guide his cock into your mouth.

As you sucked hard up and down Steve’s shaft, Bucky moved from one breast to the other.  His hand slipped down into your pajama pants and he quickly fingered your clit in small circles as he ground his cock against you.

Your whole body buzzed like an electric current was swirling through your veins, making your body thrum.  You moaned into Steve’s cock as a hot pit pressed down inside you and your fluids slicked your folds.  Bucky pulled back and pulled your pajama pants off.  You released Steve’s cock and no sooner had you sat up that Steve was up beside you and pulling you into his lap.

“Mmm… did you want something?”  You asked as you straddled his lap and started to grind down on his cock.

Steve cradled your jaw.  “I think you know,” he teased.  You smirked and leaned in and kissed him deeply.  As you dipped your tongue into his mouth, you guided him inside of you.

You both moaned into the kiss and you slowly rolled your hips with his, appreciating the way he stretched and filled you.  Bucky got up and grabbed the lube.  He moved behind you and kissed your shoulder as he put his hand on Steve’s chest and pushed him back on the bed.  You lay down with him, pressing your body against his chest and continuing to bounce on his cock as Bucky lifted Steve’s legs and pushing them up against your sides.  He began to apply lube to Steve’s ass, sinking a finger into Steve’s ass.

Steve gasped and bucked up under you.  You broke the kiss with Steve and you looked down into his blue eyes.  “Feel good, Steve?” You purred.

He groaned and closed his eyes.  “Yes.  Oh god, yes.”

“You want my cock, Stevie?”  Bucky teased.

“Please,” Steve groaned arching his back and forcing his cock up into you deeper.

Bucky took his hand away and slicked his cock.  Steve raised his hips needily and as Bucky sunk in Steve groaned and dug his fingers into your hips.  You started kissing Steve again and moved with Bucky as he started to thrust.  Bucky’s stomach pushed your forward with every snap of his hips, pushing you up and down on Steve’s cock.  Steve was breathless and moaning under you both.  He reached up and grabbed Bucky’s hand, holding it against your back as the two of you fucked him.

A sheen of sweat began to cling to your skin and your skin prickled.  A dull ache built in your cunt, making your walls clench and spasm around Steve’s thick shaft.  Steve groaned and his hands opened and closed on your back.   You slipped your hand between the two of you and began to finger your clit.

It brought you over.  Your orgasm shuddered through you and you moaned loudly.  Steve gasped and jerked up under you, coming deep inside your pussy.  Bucky kept thrusting.  His hand tightened in Steve’s and his hips began to stutter.  You kept being bounced forward on Steve’s now softening cock with each thrust of Bucky’s hips.  With a groan and a hard thrust, Bucky came.

The three of you slithered into a pile, your breathing coming much more labored than theirs.  Bucky rolled on his side and ran his metal fingers down your stomach.  “We break you?”

“Mm-hmm…”  You hummed.  “In the best way.”

“Well we can now do that any time,” he said.

You laughed and pushed him.  “Did you forget I have a toddler?”

Bucky hummed and kissed your shoulder.

“Big changes,” Steve said.  “It’ll be good though.  Us together.”

You smiled and cuddled in between us.  He was right.  It was a big change. You had been through a lot of change in the last five years, but this was the first one since Geo was born that you felt truly excited about one.

To be continued in Until the End of the World...