#i didn't think hozier would make it in here i thought it closed before my hozier obsession started

[areyoudoingthis]

i have never, never been more proud of myself than i am for succeeding at accomplishing this absolutely glorious, flawless and immaculate spotify wrapped. brought to tou 100% by the gay pirate brainrot

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

A Moment's Silence

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings: Oral (f receiving). unprotected sex, marking, praise, Loki got a dangerous mouth but this isn't too bad.

Genre: smut & fluff

Summary: Loki hates when you touch him, and you thought you knew exactly why. // A moment's silence when my baby puts her mouth on me ~ Moment's Silence (Common Tongue) by Hozier

***

The first thing Loki learned about you when you moved into the Avengers Tower was that you are touchy. Not in the 'you're too sensitive' way but in the you're very affectionate way. You're always greeting people with hugs and you cuddle whoever sits next to you during movie nights and whenever you're going somewhere with someone you're either holding their hand or linking arms with them. It's pretty different from the rest of the people living here. Except for Thor, no one here shares your affinity for touch but everyone loves you so they take it in stride. Welcoming your hugs and cuddles and hand holds to the point that most of them have become accustomed to it, expecting it more often than they want to admit.

Except Loki. Loki doesn't do touch and no amount of seeing you do it will make him more comfortable with it. You're no fool. You recognized early that although the others complained when you hugged them there was no real fight in their objections, with Loki it's different. He'd go as far as to disappear on you if you tried to hug him so you stopped. You don't hug Loki, or sit by him during movies, or try to grab his arm on the rare occasion that you're going somewhere with him. Honestly, for a while you didn't spend much time with Loki in general, you weren't sure how to. He was clearly a loner and you assumed you didn't have much in common. He didn't seem eager to bond with you either so you left him to his own devices.

Until recently. You've started spending a lot of your free time in the tower library and evidently, Loki is quite fond of the space too. So you kind of just share it. If you find yourself in there at the same time as him you say hello and pick a corner to do your reading. Sometimes you talk to him a bit and other times you just share each other's company. It's becoming a kind of lovely routine, at least in your eyes. You have no idea if Loki enjoys it as much as you actually but he can be pretty conversational on occasion, usually as long as you're not too close to him.

"Hello Loki." You say when he walks into the library. You've already been here a couple of hours, you honestly didn't think you'd see Loki today.

"Hello y/n. How are you today?" He asks.

"Pretty good. How are you?" You set your book face down in your lap as you watch him walk out of sight to one of the shelves.

"I'm alright! What are we reading today?" Loki's voice carries through the room to you.

"I've picked up a romance for now."

"Not legends and myths for once?" You can hear the teasing in his voice at his question.

"Fuck off I read other stuff." You laugh.

"News to me."

"And what will you be reading today god of mischief? Sifting through spells as always?"

"I was thinking poetry actually." Loki finally appears from beyond the stacks with a book in hand.

"You're a poetry fan?"

"Don't sound so surprised." He rolls his eyes as he sits in the armchair across from the couch you're lying on.

"Well, it's not like you use that silver tongue of yours to recite sonnets." You snort picking up your book.

"Some would say this silver tongue of mine has quite a way with words."

"And I'm sure it does but weaving together lies isn't the same as poeticism. No one will be mixing you up with Robert Frost or William Shakespeare." You muse, your attention drifting back to the story you were invested in before he arrived.

"Your midgardian bards are of no competition to a god you know."

"I'm sure Asgard has its own famous poets of which I'm sure no one would compare you to either." You mutter as you read.

"Now that's harsh." Loki says. You mumble an affirmative dismissively as the drama picks up in the chapter you're reading. Loki takes the hint and leaves you alone as he opens his own chosen read for the afternoon and you spend the rest of the day in silence. Until dinner.

"I'm making dinner and it's movie night. Are you joining us or will you stay here?" You ask, standing up.

"Do you want me to join?" Loki asks.

"I mean- not if you're going to be miserable. I'm just headcounting."

"The others aren't usually as welcoming as you can be."

"Well I w-" You stop yourself. You've only just started to form a friendship with Loki, as much as you enjoy spending time with him you can't outwardly say it. Well maybe you could but you have a feeling the skittish animal approach is best. "I wouldn't be... disappointed if you decided to join us."

"I'll think about it." He hums.

"Alright. See you, maybe." You leave with your book intent on finishing it after movie night. You drop it in your room before going to the kitchen to make dinner. Meatballs, mashed potatoes, and broccoli. It takes almost an hour to make enough for everyone and by the time you're done, most everyone's gathered in the living room.

"Dinner's up! Stevie, Bucky come grab the potatoes and broccoli please." You say grabbing the bowl with the meatballs.

"Coming!" Steve says as he and Bucky hop up from their seats and carry the other serving plates to the big table in the living room where the others are waiting.

"And Sam can you get plates for everyone hon." You say.

"Oh sure." Sam says.

"Get the soda from the fridge too! And the solo cups!" Tony calls after him as he heads into the kitchen.

"Man you coulda just got up and helped out like the rest of us." Sam rolls his eyes but he gets the soda and cups anyway in addition to the plates you asked for. You catch movement in the corner of your eye while everyone is serving themselves and your gaze pops up in time to see Loki strolling into the main room.

"Loki!" You smile before you can stop yourself.

"Brother! Will you be joining us for our moving picture night?" Thor asks.

"Yeah sure." Loki says.

"Brilliant!" Thor nods getting up to clap a hand on Loki's back.

"I made meatballs and broccoli and mashed potatoes if you'd like some. We were just getting settled before we start the movie." You tell him. To your surprise, Loki takes the empty seat beside you and you can only hope your shock doesn't show on your face.

"I haven't missed anything then?" Loki asks.

"Not really." You shake your head. Loki nods and serves himself food.

"Whose pick is it tonight?" You ask once everyone has food in front of them and a few of the boys have already started eating.

"The kid." Tony says, shoveling mashed potatoes into his mouth.

"Yeah! I uh decided on Now You See Me." Peter says.

"Nice." Natasha nods.

"What is that?" Loki asks you.

"It's a heist movie." You tell him. "Peter, have you seen it before?" You ask.

"Uh-"

"It's not like the baby spider's gonna be attempting anything like this." Clint scoffs.

"That's not why I asked. I'm just wondering if he picked it because he wants to watch it for the first time or because it's a favorite." You roll your eyes.

"I've seen it once. I just thought it would be a fun watch." Peter says.

"Well let's start it then. Yes?" Wanda prompts. Peter sets up the movie and soon everyone's attention is on the screen as they eat. It's about halfway through the movie that your usual habits kick in and you lean over to place your head on the shoulder beside you- until you remember it's Loki by your side and Loki doesn't like being touched. You lull your head back and around to tilt the other way. Wanda's on your other side but she's cuddled up with Vision so you'll just chill with your head against the back of the couch. No biggie. One movie bleeds to the next though and apparently at some point you start drifting off. Not for long, maybe 5 minutes but when your eyes flutter open again your head has made its way to Loki's damn shoulder. You pull off when you realize, surprised he didn't shove you away whenever you landed there.

Loki had held his breath when he felt your head on his shoulder. He was reluctant to admit the weight felt- oddly comforting. If anyone asked he'd deny it to high heaven but he was pretty content with you leaning against him and when you'd woken up and abruptly moved he almost wanted to protest. Almost.

When the second movie ends, most of the others start cleaning up the living room. Since you made dinner, this part isn't your responsibility so you get up and excuse yourself from the group.

"Goodnight everybody." You say to the room. "And Loki, thank you for coming." You add just for him to hear. Before you can think better of it your hand runs gently through his hair when you speak to him but by the time he's reacting to it you're already disappearing down the hall to your room. Loki spends the rest of the night thinking about your hand in his hair, your head on his shoulder, the way you so casually thanked him at the end as you left- it was something so unfamiliar that he didn't know how to deal with it. And how insufferable to be up all night over this.

The next day when you enter the library after breakfast Loki is already there sitting on the couch in your usual shared space. You're almost done with the novel you picked up yesterday and your plan is to finish it now.

"Hello Loki." You say to him as you take a seat on the opposite couch.

"Hello y/n." He says. You don't notice the way he looks at you over the top of his book for a moment. He's not sure if he should talk to you about the night before or not. How would he even bring it up? The two of you maintain your usual quiet company for a few hours while you finish your book. When you've read the last page you return the book to the shelf you found it on. While walking back to your couch you almost crash into Loki who at some point stood up when you were looking for a new book.

"Oh shit- my bad Lo." You say.

"You dropped your bookmark." Loki says holding up the flat dragon-shaped metal. You gasp and pat your back pocket where you thought you'd put it.

"Fuck- thanks. It was a gift so- would totally suck to lose it." You say, throwing your arms around him. Loki doesn't feel the urge to magically escape your grasp and he almost stops you when you let him go. Almost. "Sorry- impulse." You mutter grabbing your bookmark from his hand.

"You're usually much better at not touching me." He points out.

"I guess we've been spending so much time together that I kind of forg- sorry man. Won't happen again." You mutter.

"I wasn't- I know that's what you're like. It wasn't a complaint. Just an observation."

"You can say it wasn't a complaint but I know what you're like too. You hate being touched." You scoff.

"That's not totally accurate."

"What?"

"Usually you're right- I do hate being touched but with you I don- it's not that I hate it but I still can't stand it just- in a different way than I'm used to." Loki says carefully.

"What does that mean?" You chuckle.

"I'm- not entirely sure." He frowns.

"Well, what if I- do you mind if I touch you now?" You ask carefully.

"That's- fine." Loki says, hesitation clear on his face. You lift your hand to his cheek gently and his eyes close when your skin touches his. You let your thumb graze him softly as his brow furrows. Loki's hand snaps up around your wrist moments later and he moves your hand just enough to break the contact. "I can't-"

"What is it?"

"Too much- it's too much. I feel- entirely too much when you touch me, I can't-"

"Can't what?" You tilt your head curiously.

"I don't know how to handle it. I want- I want more than I can have."

"Say more, please."

"When you... do that. When you touch me it- I don't know how to explain it I just want more from you. Like- like I could devour you whole and it would still not be enough and I- I can't, we can't- so you can't touch me."

"Why can't we?"

"What?" Loki's eyes widen at your calm question.

"You're saying we can't but- why? Is it- is it that this is a desire you have but wish you didn't or-"

"No. That's not it."

"Then- why... can't... we?"

"Please don't say things like that. Not if you don't mean them. I cannot take it."

"I wouldn't say it lightly. I don't understand why you're so adamant that I wouldn't want- that you couldn't have more from me if you asked."

"If I asked?"

"Yes. Tell me what it is you want from me Loki."

"Why would you make such an offer?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Nobody wants-" Loki pauses, his gaze dropping as if the floor is more interesting to look at than you. "I just wonder how this is advantageous to you in any way."

"Do you think yourself that undeserving?" You frown and his eyes snap up to yours.

"I never said-"

"You don't always have to. Sometimes it's what we don't say that ends up being the loudest." You say. "I'm going to touch you again Loki. This time when it gets too much just- give into that feeling."

"You have no idea what you're signing up for." Loki's eyes are wide.

"I trust you." You whisper and his features melt into a soft grin, as if your words settled something within him. You place your hand on his cheek again, watching his eyes flutter shut as he leans into your touch. The moment stretches for a while until Loki's hands settle on your waist and pull you against him to bring his lips to yours.

The kiss is soft, hesitant, at first- as if he's expecting you to withdraw, but when you drape your arms loosely over his shoulders and deepen the kiss all manner of shyness seems to leave him. The kiss becomes harsher, more desperate, as if he's trying to devour you and give you all he is at once. You match him moment for moment, tongues dancing, hands roaming as you pour everything into that kiss. Loki lifts you and you wrap your legs around him. You pepper his face with sweet kisses as he carries you to one of the couches.

"Are you sure you want to give yourself to me?" Loki asks quietly.

"Are you sure you want to give yourself to me?" You turn the question back to him and he drops to his knees in front of you.

"I have given myself to you a thousand times over, long before now. I belong to you without question." His eyes pierce yours with their intensity as you allow his words to sink in. You almost can't believe he's said it but there's no denying the truth in his voice when he stares at you so earnestly. You clutch his face in your hands, meeting his gaze with equal candor.

"Then you may have me Loki. I am happy to give myself to you." You tell him and he lets out a deep breath. He says something to himself before tugging at the waist of your shorts. You help him take them off of you along with your panties before he speaks again.

"I have wondered for too long how you would taste on my tongue." Loki mutters as he spreads your legs. Before you can fully process the sentence to come up with a response, Loki buries his face at the apex of your thighs. He licks a stripe along your entrance, collecting the evidence of your arousal, letting out a groan as the essence of you floods his tastebuds. You gasp, threading your fingers into his dark hair as his tongue plunges into you, caressing your inner walls, lapping at your juices.

"Oh- oh god." You breathe out, your back arching towards Loki's eager mouth. He groans against you, the vibrations only adding to your pleasure as you squirm against his face. Loki brings his hands up to your thighs, holding you still and open for him as he switches focus, dragging his tongue against your clit in the most delicious way. His movements are sharp, calculated, his eyes on you as he watches what pulls the strongest reactions from you and focuses on those things until your body tenses beneath his hands. Loki pushes two fingers between your walls and curls them as his mouth latches onto your button. The combination is deadly and you can't stop the cry you let out as your orgasm hits you full force. Loki gently works you through it with his fingers and tongue and only when your breathing goes from harsh pants to shuttering draws does he sit back. He makes a point to link his fingers clean when your eyes flutter open.

"Even better than I expected." He says.

"What?" You ask with a breathless chuckle.

"How you taste, the sight of you in pure pleasure, the feel of your skin against mine- all of it, even better than I imagined." Loki punctuates each item on his list with a trail of kisses until he's hovering over you. 

"Yes well, how nice to learn that silver tongue of yours is good for more than smart remarks." You smirk and pull him down into a kiss, tasting yourself on his lips and not caring, you simply want to be connected like this forever. Your hands trail down Loki's abdomen, freeing him from his own pants which he shoves the rest of the way off when you can no longer push them yourself. His kisses drop to your neck as he does so.

"You'll have plenty of time to learn all that my silver tongue is good for." He mutters against your skin. You giggle at his words a bit though it's shortlived as Loki chooses that moment to rock his hips into yours and the stretch of his length turns your giggle to a gasp. He takes his time working himself between your walls, allowing you to feel every single inch of him as he pushes deeper and deeper until he eventually bottoms out with a groan. "Stars above you're so- warm." He pants out. He's not moving, you realize, waiting for you to adjust so you tilt your hips forward, grinding against him impatiently.

"Loki please- move." You mewl and that's all it takes. Loki's hips knock back and he drives into you with full force, setting an even pace of deep thrusts meant for you to feel every drag of his dick against your walls.

"This- I'm sure, is Valahala." Loki pants out as he's fucking into you.

"So good- Loki it feels so good." You slip your hands into his shirt, dragging your nails across his back.

"I know my darling. I know." Loki hisses at the sweet sting from your claws. His rhythm doesn't falter as you cling to him, in fact, the feel of your hands against his skin sets Loki alight. You moan breathily, relishing in the way Loki fucks into you almost wildly. The heat of your walls is dizzying and Loki can already feel his release creeping down his spine. He slips a hand between your bodies and finds your clit, rubbing circles against the bundle of nerves. Your back arches as a whimper falls from your lips, the extra stimulation quickly bringing you closer.

"Loki-" You whine.

"Let go for me love. Show me how good I make you feel. Let your release coat my dick." Loki coaxes as his fingers dance along your clit as if he's already worked out all your right buttons to push.

"Oh my g-" You gasp out as your orgasm hits you like a wave crashing.

"Beautiful." Loki breathes. "I could watch you do that a thousand times and never tire of the face you make in ecstasy."

"Your turn now sweetie, show me what face you make in ecstasy Loki." You say gently, one hand threading into his hair. With your encouragement, it doesn't take much more for Loki's hips to stutter as his orgasm means the flooding of your walls in liquid heat.

You both lie still for some time, Loki only half holding himself up to avoid crushing you on the couch. You really can't believe the grumpy god that would straight up disappear if you so much as tapped his shoulder is currently lying in your arms. He can hardly believe it himself, but it's as soothing as he could have hoped. Not that he'd- ever admit that.

***

[starry-eyed-wild-child]

~ the way she tells me i'm hers, and she is mine ~

kappa x reader

a/n: whoooo! It's finally back, pookies! I'm so, so sorry that I haven't updated this in a while - life has been exciting and hectic to say the least! Yes, I used one of Kappa's quotes in this, sue me.

summary: after the eventful weekend with your family, all you can do is wait for your cult leader to come home to you

warnings: SMUT (mdni), unprotected sex, breeding kink, swearing, slight religious imagery (sorry to my church), my first ever smut, yikes

taglist: @ithinkitstimetonap @greenxgloss @angelsanarchy

The night air carried a gentle breeze, brushing against you like a sweet caress - sitting outside in your garden, sipping on a mug of herbal tea. The breeze was a sweet contrast - the chill on your skin and the warmth of the mug in your hands. The music from your record player washed over you, wrapping around you like a comforting blanket.

Kappa saw you. Wanting so badly to come and sit with you. To touch you. Though the fear of your family still lingering about held him back. His eyes fixated on you in an almost painful longing.

You heard a twig snap in the distance, making you jump. How cliche, you thought. You held your mug further to your chest, closing the door of your garden behind you as you went inside. With a sigh of relief, you watched as Kappa sauntered from behind the bushes.

Kappa emerged from behind the tree, his eyes wide and curious when he saw you turn around.

"Scared me to death." you giggled, opening the doors to let him in. "You want a warm drink?" you offered, walking into the kitchen.

Kappa stepped through into your home, his heart racing with excitement and anticipation. He felt the warmth of your home envelope him, pushing away the bitter chill of the night. He smiled at your offer, but shook his head 'no'.

"I have a door, y'know, no need to go lurking around my bushes like a creep." you teased, sitting down on the living room floor.

Kappa chuckled at your remark, tilting his head to the side as he watched you sit on the floor, an almost predatory look in his eyes. As you sat down, he followed suit, sitting across from you and staring at you intently.

"I'll keep that in mind for next time." he joked, a hint of amusement in his words.

"Not like I'm not happy to see you... but what are you doing here? You can't keep leaving the family like this." you asked, concerned about how often Kappa seemed to leave them unattended.

Kappa sighed deeply, his shoulders slumping over as he ran a hand over his face.

"I know... I know I shouldn't leave them like this.... but how else would I see my girl, sugar?" he smirked, shifting closer to you on the floor, his fingers teasing the skin of your inner thighs. "It's a lot sometimes... I think I deserve an escape every now and then hm?"

"I understand... I think..." you said, trying to find the right words, "I mean... I don't. I'm not a cult leader..." you snickered, "But I want to try and understand... to help."

Kappa nodded, gathering his thoughts before continuing. "I have to maintain order... I have the weight of responsibility. Sometimes... I get so caught up."

"Well... we don't want that now, do we?" you hummed, placing a soft kiss on his ear, trailing them down to his jaw. "Can't have you forgetting who you are." you murmured, holding onto his shoulders.

"No." he whispered, his voice low and hot in your ear, "No, we don't want that."

You took another moment, sighing deeply before your eyes met his. A look of determination in them.

"I wanna join, Kappa." you spoke lowly, almost as though you didn't want him to hear you say it, "Wanna be with you..."

You knew this was a huge commitment. You knew that. You were seriously asking your cult leader lover to join his hippie family - you'd officially gone mad.

Though, Kappa was taking this surprisingly well. You assumed that he'd tell you it was a spur of the moment decision. That you were foolish and should be ashamed of even asking. Instead, he brought your hand to his lips, kissing the tips of your fingers.

"Together... we can create something beautiful... meaningful." Kappa spoke, his words filled with conviction.

You nodded eagerly, your eyes clouded over with twisted love and sickening desire. God, it would be true what they would come to say. That you were just as sick and twisted as he was - and you didn't even know it yet.

"We'll build a new world together..." you added with a soft sigh, "Like the Garden of Eden... paradise on Earth...that we shaped... together."

"Our children will grow up in paradise...a world that we created... just for them..." Kappa leaned forward, holding your hips tightly as his eyes pierced yours.

Your heart fluttered, leaping when he mentioned children. You could see it. Your children. They would be beautiful. Built on nothing but love and devotion - bred on passion and raised with loyalty. Symbolic of everything the world should be - and would be.

You nodded at his words. And you'd allow Kappa to see this side of you. The deluded, passionate and possessive side that he knew he was responsible for creating. You were everything he'd ever wanted. And you were all his.

And you just couldn't help yourself. You leaned forward, pressing a deep, fiery kiss to his lips, locking with heat and pent up desires. You didn't want to pull away - like a thirsting man from water. All love and lust was poured into the kiss, and it was warm and full of light.

"They'll grow up knowing unity... paradise.. freedom. Knowing that defying Earth... defying nature must have a cost."

A sense of profound contentment washed over as Kappa wrapped his arms around you, kissing and nipping his way down your throat. The whole image. The whole talk of children, of building a new world built for paradise sparked something in you. Something primal that made you want to have Kappa in the most natural, intimate way.

You pushed him gently so that he lay on his back on your floor, the crackling from the fire cast a soft glow over Kappa as he lay looking pretty under you. You popped the buttons of his shirt open, one by one, peppering kisses down his chest and abdomen as you went. You could feel Kappa's beating heart under his skin, the thumping had your mind swirling.

"Want you to give me your children." you hummed lowly, moving your hands to his thighs as you lay your head on his stomach. You peered up at Kappa through your lashes and the seemingly innocent act only fuelled his aching want.

"Fuck." Kappa gritted out, holding you so tight you knew it would bruise. He tilted his head with his lips parted, staring up at you. God. How he hoped for a little girl that looked exactly like you.

You laughed lowly, almost manically, as you shifted positions, swinging your legs over his in a straddle. You smirked softly, reaching your hand back and down to firmly grip Kappa where he needed you. The warm, throbbing feeling in your palm had your mind spinning.

"F-fuck you... that's.. that's unfair." Kappa spat, groaning at the friction.

Your smile widened when Kappa gave the reaction you so desperately wanted. You knew that in any other situation, he'd be angry. Embarrassed that you had so much control over him.

"You like that, sugar, hm?" you cooed mockingly, moving your hand up and down with a firm, slow grip.

"You're... such... a bitch." he groaned, "Don't you dare stop, sugar."

"Or what?" you teased, slowing down your movements ever so slightly but keeping the grip on Kappa firm and tight. You felt your own need growing by the second, but you were too engrossed in seeing how far you could push Kappa before he snapped.

"You're a fuckin' tease... If that was anyone else... I'd beat the fuck outta you, yeah?"

You raised a brow, challenging Kappa with a small, satisfied smirk on your face. You knew you had him exactly where you wanted him. And, God, did Kappa know that too. You removed your hand, making Kappa growl lowly at the lack of contact as he felt the building pressure die off inside him.

Instead, you rocked yourself back and forth slowly, tossing your head back with a pleased sigh. You felt your eyes clouding over, and you reached down to interlock Kappa's fingers with your own - a strangely intimate gesture that only added to Kappa's aching want.

Kappa swallowed hard, the rough grip on your hips tightening.

"I need you so damn bad...get the fuck on me, sugar." Kappa grunted, moving you up roughly so that your dripping core was positioned right where he needed you to be.

You hummed, satisfied with how eager Kappa was to beg for you. Watching as his knuckled turned white with how hard he was gripping on to you. You moaned softly when you felt Kappa twitching beneath you, the obvious sign of the lust that was pooling in his stomach.

Kappa growled, pure animalistic need radiating from his body as he lowered your hips down onto his, throwing his head back on your floor as he was enveloped by the warm, wet feeling of your core around him.

"How'd you want it, sugar?" you hushed out between pants, resting your intertwined hands on Kappa's chest.

Kappa grunted, squeezing your hands tighter - feeling the need to cling to you. To anchor to himself like this was the last time he'd ever have you like this.

"Fuck... fast. And hard." he gritted out, his voice strained with primal need. Kappa let out a guttural sound, groaning lowly as you did as he requested, moving on top of him fast and rough. The tightness of your warm body around him sends shock waves of pleasure through his body, Kappa's head spinning with ecstasy.

"That's it... just like that...f-fuck, sugar." he panted, his voice rough and ragged.

You laughed breathlessly, the sound turning into a broken, choked back moan as you kept the steady, rough pace. You wanted to make this last as long as possible, not caring at all about how irritated your neighbours would be - at three in the morning.

"Jesus, sugar... I'm getting close. You gotta... slow the fuck down." Kappa said, his voice shaking as he teetered on the edge of release.

You rolled your eyes, pressing a light slap to his cheek - not enough to hurt, but enough to sting just right and to make Kappa's eyes widen at your audacity.

"Don't you dare." you hissed through your pleasured state, "You can go longer than that."

"F-fuck... you're goddamn crazy.." Kappa breathed out, his eyes screwing shut as he tried to hold back his desperate release that was tightening in his abdomen.

"I'm crazy... you're crazy... we'll be crazy together." you whispered hotly in his ear, lowering yourself down all the way, taking Kappa as deep as you could.

"Y-yeah... but you, sugar... you're a whole other level of unhinged. You're batshit crazy...and that's why I love you so goddamn much." Kappa said, his voice nothing more than a gruff, low grunt in your ear.

You gasped loudly, your eyes fluttering closed as Kappa hit that beautiful spot inside you that had stars exploding behind your eyes like a colourful kaleidoscope. And Kappa could see it. Imagining you beside him, joining the family, life being like this all the time.

"Jesus, fuck... you close?" Kappa panted inn between short, shaking breaths.

"Uh-huh." you whimpered, clutching Kappa's hands in yours and pulling them to your chest as you felt that all too familiar coil tightening in your abdomen.

"S'so close, sugar, fuck... made for me, weren't you?" you cooed lowly, desperately seeking the release that threatened to wash over you any moment now.

Kappa couldn't respond. His mind already too blissed out to even think about forming a coherent response.

"M' gonna cum, Kappa... and you're gonna cum with me. Deep inside, yeah?" you hissed, gripping and clutching at his hands like they were your last tether to Earth.

Kappa nodded frantically, a little too eager for what he would've liked. But he couldn't help it. Not when you felt like this around him - tight and clenching as the band inside your abdomen snapped.

"Y-yeah, sugar. I'm gonna cum... deep inside, just like you want." Kappa grunted, wrapping his arms around you as he felt you collapse against his chest as your release washed over you like a tidal wave.

You let out one last shuddering gasp when you felt Kappa paint your insides with thick ropes of hot, white release, burying your head in his neck as you tried to regain your breath. You truly hoped that this would be it. That your baby, symbolic of the new world you'd build together, would be created.

After a few moments of silence, only being broken by your panting breaths as the flames of the fire - you spoke up again.

"When can I come meet the family?" you asked, making Kappa chuckle breathlessly as his fingers traced invisible patterns up and down your back.

"As soon as you're ready."

You nodded, humming against his chest as you lay down beside him, intertwining your legs together - a soft mess of limbs and naked flesh.

"I'm ready now."

If this had been a book, it would've ended badly. You'd both get lost in the lust for power and passion in creating the new Eden - paradise on Earth. You'd go crazy together and would encourage each other's madness until the very end. Though we have yet to reach this part of the story...

[cosmic-crybaby]

Break My Heart Again- Tommy Shelby x Reader

Part 2

Summary: After being childhood friends, you and Thomas made a promise one day to get married, but when he returns from France, he comes back a completely different man.

Warnings: ANGST, Tommy being a jerk, talk of trauma/death/etc. Platonic(?) betrayal.

It had been what seemed like weeks after the men were shipped off to France to fight in the war. When in reality, it had been only a week. [Name] had went back to work rather quickly, her mother preferring not to have her daughter mope around the house like a widow. So, she wrote her first letter to him.

Thomas,

You've just left us and it's already quiet here. Too quiet. The betting shop, the street, and the pub are all silent compared to the liveliness we were used to when you were home. When we came back from the platform, Polly, Ada, Martha, and I had walked in silence. Even Finn wasn't being his usual disorderly self. It's almost as if no one knew how to fill the silence. No one can fill the void that you three left.

In all honesty, I am scared. Terrified something will happen, and you won't return home to us. I want you to know how much I think about you, how much I need you to come home to me. I want you to be my first everything, I want you to keep that promise you made me before you left. Even now, as I write this letter, I stare at the ring on my finger, imagining how our future would be. We will pray for you every morning for a safe return.

Stay safe and please watch over each other. We are sending our love and prayers.

Sincerely, Your love [Name].

The whole of Small Heath seemed to be silent the first few days, but the women quickly took over while most of the men were gone. She had worked and worked everyday with the other women in the shop. Polly and Ada were strong women, and they were cracking down on the books like no other. They had involved themselves with their work that [Name] didn't expect her letter to come a few weeks later. Ada came running in with the post, handing her Aunt Polly the letters, and dropping Thomas' letter on the desk in front of her new close friend.

[Name] had never pulled out her letter opener so quickly. She nearly missed the blade as her hands shook to open it. The pages of parchment fell on the desk, unfolding it to read the letter he sent. Her colorful eyes went wide as she read the first page, heart fluttering and beating fast as she imagined his voice saying these words.

[Name],

When the train had left the station, I had already found myself missing home. We Small Heath boys sat together and no one knew what to say. We try to stay optimistic but news is that the odds are not in our favor. It hits harder the further we are from home. I am currently at a training camp, and even when my face is in the mud I still think of you. Your eyes, your smile, your voice. You visit me in my dreams, even when I'm in this hell you still feel like home.

No matter how long this will last, it will be difficult for you as it is for us. But Polly with take good care of you, you are no doubt a part of this family already. You will soon be a Shelby. I had never forgotten my promise to you. You are my dearest friend, and the most beautiful girl I had ever met. I knew from the day we met, you were special.

I will be safe [Name] I promise you that. We are going to make this out alive and you and I will get married and have our future together, building our legacy. Keep your thoughts clear and your mind positive until our return.

Until I write again my Love, Tommy.

The single tear ran down her cheek. Smiling a bit as she folded the paper again, placing it back in the envelope and into the drawer. Hearing Polly and Ada read the letters out loud from Arthur and John as they laughed through the sniffles. It made her lean back into her chair, looking up from the ring to the ceiling.

"[Name]! What did Tommy say?" Ada ran into her office, leaning on the door frame. [Name] turns to the younger Shelby sibling.

"Wouldn't you like to know," She teased with a light-hearted smirk.

"Come off it, lemme see!" Ada skipped to the desk, sitting down on top as [Name] gave in and took out the letter again, handing it to Ada. She smiles brightly as she read over the letter.

"Oh, [Name], that's so nice...I've never heard him be so...well, that before," She laughed. The girl tsked and grabbed the letters back from the Shelby.

"You'd be surprised, he's quite the romantic," She arched a brow at Ada.

"Yeah sure..." She shook her head.

"How are John and Arthur doing?" She had asked, putting the letters back.

"As good as they can be, [Name]...as good as they can be..." She paused. "Have you talked to Martha?" Ada asked. [Name] shook her head.

"Is she still sick?" She asked, her voice laced with worry.

"We think so, Polly's gonna visit her after work today, give her some medicine make sure she's okay, but just don't say anything to Tommy about it...She doesn't want John to worry," Ada explained.

"Of course, your secret is safe with me," Her lips formed into a tight lipped smile.

"I'll leave ya to write your letters," Ada hopped off of the desk and left her office. [Name] lets out a heavy sigh, moving the record books out of the way to pull the typewriter forward, placing the paper in before thinking of what exactly to write. How she could pour her feelings into one letter. Taking her fingers away from the keys to take a quick prayer, the same prayer that Polly taught all of the girls at the shop.

---

It had been years since the men from Small Heath had left. During those years, the two of them wrote letters back and forth as often as they could. At some point the letters began to slow. Anyone could imagine the reason why. In the last letter Tommy sent, he gave [Name] an idea of what he had to endure. The carnage and violence was only the beginning. The deaths he encountered, the injury and damage that had happened to him physically and mentally was enough to hurt her. Just from reading it. It was the middle of July of 1918. She was writing another letter to Thomas.

Thomas,

I received your letter last night. I miss you more than words can describe. Everything is starting to feel like normal again, as normal as is can be. I suppose the women taking over the jobs while most of the male population being away was the norm for the time being. It was still strange though. However, business has been slow recently. Ever since Martha had passed Polly and I had been taking turns to take care of the kids. Cooking for them and cleaning up after them nearly every day was just as hard as I imagined, Martha made it look so easy. Please give John my condolences once again and that we are thinking of him. And let me know how he is holding up.

The horses are looking healthy, Curly has been taking good care of them. My mother and I take walks in your uncles yard after dinner nearly every night just to see how the horses are doing, and so far he has been doing a wonderful job.

As much as I want to keep this letter forward-looking and cheerful, I do hope you are doing alright Tommy. The last letter you sent me had me worried for you. You told me you were going to be in charge of digging tunnels to bury explosives, I just hope you make it out alive. You had been there for me when my father had passed, and I hope you will let me be there for you after this is all over. Of course I have no real insight of what you are going through, but I hope you are safe. You were always so determined and strong. Make us proud, you always do.

Please give my love and support to your brothers.

Your Love, [Name].

It took months to receive a letter back. Longer than usual, but you didn't question it as you knew his job was hard, but you'd be lying if part of you didn't think the worst. But those clouds that plagued your mind were clear upon seeing his letter. It was a short one this time, but you imagined that he barely had any time to write these days.

[Name],

I am writing this by candlelight, Danny and Freddie doing the same. Writing wills and writing home. I have left everything I had to the family, you included. I'm sorry it's not much or what we had planned, but this is inevitable.

Knowing what's waiting at home encourages me and I will do my best to come out alive.

I will make sure to relay your kind words to John next time I see him.

Until I write again, SMG, Tommy.

Her hands shook as she read over the short letter. Again and Again she couldn't believe what he was saying. She set the letter in the desk drawer, along with the other piles of letters, before shutting it. She didn't want to believe it, not one bit. She was still hopeful that he would live. He even said 'Until I write again,'...but she didn't expect the letters to completely stop coming after that. No matter how many letters she had sent his way, she still didn't receive one back.

Weeks had passed, as Ada and Polly were receiving letters back to back every week, while [Name] came to an empty desk, but she never told them, afraid to hear if they received his letters as well or not. It made her heart hurt to think of the possibilities.

On November eleventh, a boy ran through the streets blaring the news. The war had ended. There was a shift in the air after the news broke of the war ending and the men finally returning home. The entirety of Small Heath seemed to be rushing to prepare for the return of the soldiers. Even Polly seemed increasingly distracted as she prepared for the return of her nephews, leaning on [Name] to review additional books and records. But tensions arise further as the official date was announced of the soldiers arrival.

Ada and the other girls grew giddier with each passing day, making [Name] just want to smack them. She was happy for them of course but, how could she witness their excitement for their men if she hadn't heard from hers in months. When the day finally arrived, it felt like the entire town was rushing to the station. Polly and Ada were waiting in anticipation for the train to arrive, while [Name] kept her brows stern in worry as she kept her gaze to the cement floor. She honestly had no idea what to expect. If he wasn't to return she would be heartbroken, if he was she would be confused by the cold shoulder he gave her. The sound of people cheering and screaming caught her attention as the train approached. Polly and Ada pushed their way forward as the train came to a stop. [Name] made sure to hold onto Finn as tight as she could so he wouldn't get lost in the crowd.

"Where are they?" Polly asked, excitement seeping in her voice.

"I dunno, [Name], do you see 'em?" Ada asked as she pulled her quiet friend along. Her eyes barely scanned the area as families reunited in tears, the boys finding their family members and just melting into their embrace.

"Um..." [Name] tried to get a better look, but the hordes of people blocked her vision.

"[Name]!" Ada called next to her...and she felt your heart drop. "I see them! Aunt Pol, look! There they are!"

[Name] couldn't catch her breath as Ada pointed somewhere in the distance. She squealed as she pulled [Name] with her. The closer they got, the more her heart began to beat. It felt like it was going to beat right out of her chest. She almost didn't want to lay her eyes upon them. In fear she would end up like the women receiving bad news that their own soldier had died in the battlefield.

But, she finally looked up. Ada, Finn, and Polly running to hug Arthur and John. [Name] stood in her place as she met this eyes. Those icy blue eyes and suddenly the air flew back into her lungs.

He was alive.

"Thomas?" She called, he stared at her. "Thomas!" She took off from her planted state and ran towards him. Throwing herself in his arms as she held him tightly, his arms wrapped around her tightly as he burred his face into her neck, inhaling deeply. She smelled like florals, an exotic blend of jasmine and violet. She smelled like home.

"You're okay...you're alive," She whispered to remind herself that he was in the flesh. She lifted her head to look at him, tears flooding her eyes as she rekindled with him. His hair was cut, short on the sides and back, nearly to the root with longer hair on the top that draped just across his forehead. The square of his jaw was clenched and sunk at the cheeks, sharp cheek bones...sharp enough to cut glass. Dark circles under his eyes and pale skin, but the same freckles littered his nose and cheeks. He looked so different. But nothing could beat the look in his eyes. He looked like a man that had gone through hell.

She supposed he actually did.

"My love? Are you really here with me?" She asked him, bringing her hands up to his face.

"I am...[Name], I'm here," He slightly smiled at her as he kissed her forehead. She knew he was physically here, but part of her knew mentally...he was distancing himself.

As the days passed, his once beautiful, vibrant blue eyes turned dull and emotionless. Just like before, he was sweet with her at first, but he started to grow cold. On some nights, she would sleep in his small bed, just waiting for him to come home in the late hours. When he did come home late, he would be drunk and simply stumble into bed, the faint smell of roses on his neck. He was a shell of the man she used to love.

One morning, she walked into his office.

"We need to talk," She told him, standing in the doorway sheepishly. He barely looked up at her before lighting a cigarette.

"What is it [Name], I am extremely busy," He huffed. The woman rolled her eyes, clenching her jaw as she closed the door behind her and walked to his desk until she were standing in front of him.

"You have been acting strange with me all these weeks, Tommy...What's happened?" She finally asked.

"Nothing happened, [Name]…Is that all this is about?" He asked, standing to grab some books from his shelf to look over, still avoiding her eyes. She almost felt delirious as she just wanted him to look at her. Her eyes followed him.

"You barely talk to me-"

"We're talking now," He quipped. She refrained from tearing her own hair out at how dismissive he was being.

"Hardly..."

"What is the point of this conversation [Name]?" He asked, arching a brow as he went back to his desk, again her body followed him, facing him again.

"The point is you don't treat me like I matter to you anymore, you hardly treat me as your bride-to-be let alone a friend! Does our friendship even matter to you anymore?"

He stayed silent as he just kept his head down.

"For Christ sake Thomas, look at me!" She shouted in frustration. His head snapped up to look at her. Surprised she had raised her voice as she had been so quiet since his return.

"You want to know what really happened, [Name]? Eh?" He quickly stood up and stalked towards her, her breath shuttered a bit as she was backed away into the wall, he stood tall over her.

"I saw people die, for four fucken' years! I nearly died in those tunnels, drowning in the mud and still, you assume I'll forget that ever happened?!" He shouted, getting closer.

"I don't blame you for what happened while you were gone...I understand-"

"No you don't [Name], stop fucken' saying you understand me when you don't! You weren't there, you will never understand what happened to me out there!"

"So what changed Thomas?" She asked, her lip trembling a bit. "What did I do to make you treat me this way?"

He scoffed, shaking his head as he pushed himself off of the wall and distanced himself from her.

"I thought you died out there Thomas, you didn't respond to my letters for weeks, I...I was so scared, and to find out you were alive and now? You treat me like a stranger... What did I do wrong?" Her voice was stern, but even Thomas heard the unstable wavering of some of the words. Thomas eyed her, looking at her like she was some common woman, not his closest friend and love of his life.

"You drain me...just being with you is exhausting, I mean for fucks sake [Name], you cling to me more that a fuckin' leach from the cut,"

"A leach?...That's what you think of me now?" She shook her head.

He hesitated.

"So that promise you made me was all fake?"

'What can I say? France gave me clarity..." He shrugged. [Name] was fuming. This wasn't the man she loved. Not anymore.

"I don't know who you think you are, but I loved you Thomas...But you're not the man I fell in love with,"

Thomas bit his lip before reaching into his pocket to grab another cigarette. There was still light in his eyes but he was too deep in his memories of France that he couldn't get out. He hardly slept as he heard the digging in the walls every night. She would have made those noises from his head and those terrors in his dreams if he had just given her the chance. He'd rather spend his nights elsewhere getting drunk and sleeping with the prostitute he met shortly after returning home.

"The old me died in the tunnels..." He spoke softly. She wanted nothing but to just kiss him and tell him everything would be okay. But the memories haunted him. And therefor turned her love away.

"I suppose the new you doesn't have love for anyone?"

"No," He replied quickly.

She nodded slowly. Reaching into her left hand and debating if she wanted to return the ring he gave her before he left. Tears brimmed her eyes as she slipped the gold band off of her finger. Thomas' eyes widened ever so slightly as he watched her walk over to him, grabbing his hand and placing the ring in his palm before folding his fingers over it, moving past him as she left his office without any last words.

she had stormed to her own office, slamming the door and quickly gathering her thoughts before gathering her things. She had left the shop in silence, Polly had called her name as she watched [Name] leave without a trace.

"Where has she gone, why is she leaving?" She asked her nephews and niece before going to investigate the now empty office. Thomas watched in shameful silence as Polly confirmed that her things were gone. Though the reason was unknown, Polly accused of Thomas being the reason for the young woman's departure. After she had voiced her (harsh) words, she left him in silence again.

"Trouble in paradise?" His brother asked, smirking a bit after watched their aunt butchering him with her words.

"Shut up John," He rolled his eyes before returning to work.

---

[Tag List]

@mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @milljane @cyphah @diosa-ahre-blog @badlandsbrunette

[certifiedcodbabygirl]

I see the ask box open I ask like a moth to flame!!🔥👀✨ Potential TW for anxiety around intimacy(nothing graphic or descriptive) I NEED soft dom soap x reader w a SHIT TON of praise& encouragement. A bitch has a LOT of anxiety and need someone to talk me through it, and can it be they’re already together? Anything else fluffy pls add whatever you’d like!!! Thank you & feel free to ignore if you don’t vibe! Peace out!!✌🏼

Hi love, sorry it took so long but here you go <3

Thought I'd go with your first time with him. Lyrics to Francessca by Hozier are used.

The atom soulmate theory: The idea that during the big bang, the atoms that make us were split into two, creating soulmates aka our other half.

Times like these are meant to be exciting, loved, desired. Why aren't they? He kisses you like you're sculpted by Michaelangelo himself, as if you are his own angel. You are. His hand cupping your face, thumb gently caressing just below your eyes. So gentle you almost miss it. You don't.

He tries to gently pull you on to his lap, but you pull back, knowing where it will lead. He looks up at you, confusion lightly etched onto his face.

Do you think I'd give up?

"What's wrong, bonnie? Why do ya do this?" he softly asks, hand moving to cup your jaw, thumb gently swiping over you bottom lip.

"I don't think I can" you say quietly, not even meaning to fully say it. You move to get off the couch, but he grabs your wrist, pulling to sit you on his lap.

"What do ya mean you can't? What's wrong?" He asks, softly kissing your collar bone, looking up at you.

It's time. He never wants you to hide from him because you're scared of the outcome.

"I wanna be good. I'm don't wanna be disappointing.. And before you say I couldn't or something, you don't know that. I could be. I know you love me, and you've been so patient. I just don't want the wait to not be worth it. You deserve the best, or at least satisfying and I dunno if I ca-" you begin to ramble but are cut off by his lips covering yours. He holds the back of your head. Not harshly but to keep you there. He pulls away, forehead against yours.

That this might have shook the love from me?

Or that I was on the brink

"That's what this is about?" He asks in a near whisper.

"Mhm.." you say quietly as well.

"Mo leannan" he lightly chuckles, "Why didn't ya tell me sooner?"

"Didn't wanna bother you" You say, heart pounding and throat beginning to tighten as your anxiety rises.

He gently and slowly lays you down on the couch, hovering over you, hand holding your waist.

"My love fer ya innt dependent on sex. Yer so beautiful, how could ya possibly disappoint?" He asks as he softly kisses your neck.

How could you think, darlin, I'd scare so easily?

Now that it's done

You stay quiet, not wanting to argue, slipping into wanting his praise. He slowly moves down your body, gently lifting your shirt to your ribs, softly kissing your ribs, moving down to above your belly button and below your belly button.

"So fucking beautiful, so soft" He whispers into your skin, hands caressing your sides. His hands move down to your pants, and looks up at you.

"Can I?"

You pause for a second, the feeling reappearing in your throat. You shakily nod, hoping to be wrong, faking the courage.

"Words, bonnie" He kisses your stomach again.

"yes" You say quietly.

"Good gal" He gently pulls your pants off, discarding them next to the couch. His breath hitches as he slowly removes your underwear.

"Beautiful" He looks at you as he spreads your legs, laying soft kisses to the inside of your thighs, moving to your cunt. You subconsciously close your legs slightly.

There's not one thing that I would change

My life was a storm since I was born

How could I fear any hurricane?

"Hey, sweetheart. It's okay, just lay back fer me. Close your eyes for me, alright?"

Your lip slightly quivers, but you listen to what he says. You sink into the couch. He laces his hands with yours, thumbs gently moving against the back of your hands. You let out a deep breath, trying to calm your nerves.

"Tha right, just breath for me, okay mo ghràdh? Good girl"

That's easy enough. Inhale, exhale.

Inhale

Exhale

His tongue licks a stripe up your cup, the feeling causes you to take a sharp inhale at the feeling. He pauses for a second.

"Fuck" He exhales, leaning in for more.

"What's wrong?" You lift up to look at him. One of this hands moves to gently push your chest back down.

"Best fouckin taste. Been keepin this from me, tastes like heaven" He slightly groans, tongue flicking against your clit.

If someone asked me at the end, I'd tell them put me back in it

Darlin, I would do it again

Your hand grips his hair slightly, more resting against it. You let out a long exhale.

"Johnny" You whine, head going fuzzy from the soft pleasure.

"I know, sweetheart, I know" His hands leave you to move your legs up and over his shoulder, feet against his back. His hands grip your thighs, a bit of your fat squished between his fingers. Not enough to leave a mark, but a firm grip.

If I could hold you for a minute

Darlin, I'd go through it again

He alternates between sucking and licking your clit. You moan, hands holding the back of his head.

"I love ya, so much" He whispers between your thighs.

You feel tears beginning to well in your eyes.

I would still be surprised I could find you

Darlin in any life

"I love you" You sniffle, "Thank you"

"Meant fer eachothar, swear teh god we are" He sits up, lifting his shirt off over him, and takes of his jeans.

He leans down to kiss you, lifting your head up to meet him halfway. You fully lift up to wrap your arms around his neck. His hands hold the small of your back, as if you'd disappear. He lays you back down, and removes his boxers, cock springing out. He's not ridiculously long, about 6.5 inches, but thick. He leans back down, kissing your neck so so softly. He slowly grinds his cock against your clit, the stimulation slightly making you jolt.

"Do ya want this, if yer not ready, we dinnae have tah" He whispers into your neck.

"Want you, just dunno what to do" You say, hands cupping the back of his neck.

For all that was said

Of where we'd end up at the end of it

When the heart would cease, ours never knew peace What good would it be on the far side of things?

"Ya already do so much just layin here" He reassures, lining up to your entrance, "Just relax for me, sweet gal"

You inhale and nod. He kisses your upper chest as he slowly pushes in. You let out a shakey breath, hand slightly scratching up his upper back.

"Good job, bonnie. Doin so good fer me" he says as he pushes in more.

It was too soon When that part of you was ripped away A grip taking hold like a cancer that grows Each piece of your body that it takes

"'M not like em, I promise. You're like a fouckin angel to me" He says, as if he already knew the other men you had been with had taken you for granted.

"Don't wanna let you down" You inhale.

"Never" he pushes in all the way, letting out a groan, "so fouckin tight"

He gives you a moment to adjust, before slowly grinding into you. His arm moves to fully hold you by your lower back.

"Johnny, please, need you to go faster" You whimper, trying to grind into him.

"Shh, needa appreciate 'er" He whispers against your skin.

Though I know my heart would break

I'd tell them put me back in it

Darlin, I'd do it again

If I could hold you for a minute

Darlin, I'd go through it again

"Thank you" He kisses you more passionately than before.

"For what?" You whine as hethrusts into you a little deeper than before, as if trying to become a part of you.

"This, everything, to feel ya, fer choosin me" He exhales, "Dinnae ken how I even looked at anyone before ya"

I would not change it each time Heaven is not fit to house a love like you and I Heaven is not fit to house a love like you and I I would not change it each time

"I promise there int an after ya" He promises, breath fanning against your collar bone.

Before you can respond, the coil in your stomach begins to tighten.

"Johnny" you try to warn, "I'm gonna cum"

"I know, bonnie. 'M gonna too. Let go fer me" He groans into your neck, slightly speeding up, pace faltering.

Your whines get higher and higher pitched, the cord finally snapping with a cry as you tumble off the edge.

"Johnny!" You cry out, clutching onto him.

With a groan, he spills into you, holding onto you like a lifeline.

"Oh fuck" He damn near whimpers, gasping.

As your orgasms fade away, he leans in to kiss you, softly kissing your cheeks, then your forehead, and lastly your closed eyes.

"So so good, bonnie. Better than I imagined" He whispers, forehead leaning against yours.

"Most beautiful fouckin soul I would've ev'r met"

I would not change it each time

The atom soulmate theory: The idea that during the big bang, the atoms that make us were split into two, creating soulmates aka our other half.

[bi-bard]

And Lover, Be Good to Me - Joel Miller Imagine [HBO's The Last of Us]

Title: And Lover, Be Good to Me

Pairing: Joel Miller X Reader

Based On: Be

Word Count: 2,404 words

Warning(s): nightmares, mention of death/violence

Summary: The world suddenly crumbles down. When met with anger, fear, and tragedy, the only constant that Joel has left is (Y/n). And he's desperate to avoid losing that too.

Author's Note: I haven't seen a lot of (or any, really) early apocalypse stories about Joel, so I wanted to shoot my shot with it.

WASTELAND, BABY! - HOZIER WRITING CHALLENGE MASTERLIST

---------------------

The beginning of the end could be traced back to the morning of Joel's birthday.

I had gone to see him and Sarah before I went to work.

I knocked on the door but walked in without waiting for an answer from anyone. I had grown so close to them that I didn't need to worry about it.

"Where's the elderly one?" I yelled as I walked into the dining room.

"Sitting right here with perfectly fine hearing," Joel said, flinching a bit at my voice.

"Happy birthday, dork," I ruffled his hair. I waved at Sarah, who was sitting at the table next to him. "Morning, sweetheart."

"Morning," she smiled. "Want some eggs?"

"With added shells," Joel added.

"I actually can't today, big meeting," I explained. "I just wanted to stop by and drop this off."

I placed a birthday bag in front of Joel on the table. He stared at it for a moment.

I chuckled at him before leaning down and hugging him. "I'm serious. Happy birthday."

"Thanks," he muttered back.

I leaned back and waved to Sarah. "Make sure this one has a good day, got it?"

"Understood," she nodded.

I started walking out of the house, but only made it a few feet before Sarah came running out and stopped me. I furrowed my eyebrows, confused about the urgency that seemed to form in the last few seconds.

"I need your help with something," she explained. "My dad has this watch that I was going to get fixed for him, but the guy at the shop-"

"You need cash?"

She sheepishly nodded.

I reached into my wallet and pulled out a bit of cash. "You can keep the change as long as you aren't using it to buy anything illegal."

She sighed dramatically. "I guess that's fine."

I faked a laugh before hugging her. "Have a good day."

"You too."

If I knew that was the last time that I was going to see Sarah, then I would have held onto her for a little bit longer.

That night, the world came crumbling down. In all manners of the phrase.

It all felt like a bit of a blur.

I remember running from work after my boss tried to attack me. I found crowds of people attacking each other and yelling. I saw fires and heard gunshots. I couldn't get to my car. I just kind of ran for it.

I don't remember how long I spent trying to run and stay safe. I was just scared and doing anything I could to survive.

I was lucky. Especially compared to most other people.

I found myself at a triage clinic with a large bruise on my side and a few small cuts.

I was sitting on a cot while a doctor looked over my injuries.

It was the first time that I had taken the time to truly think about what had happened. I was alone. My family was God knows where. The only people I truly had in town were Joel, Sarah, and Tommy. I didn't know where any of them were. If they were alive.

"Do you guys have a list of people that have been here," I asked, cutting off whatever the doctor had been saying.

"No, sorry," he said. "With the large number and the speed it was all set up, we never had the chance."

"Okay," I nodded.

I mindlessly looked at the crowd.

I wasn't truly looking for anything. I just wanted to have some semblance of hope.

My eyes latched onto one person in particular.

I thought I was hallucinating when I first looked over. However, as I sat there longer, just staring, I realized that I wasn't. This was real. Tommy was walking by right now.

I shrugged off the army doctor looking over me. He tried to scold me, but I ignored him. I pushed myself off of the cot that they had been using like an examination table, still not listening to the instructions to stay still to make sure I don't injure myself further.

"Tommy!" I shouted.

He looked over at me, a confused look stretched across his face. I saw the look change into a smile that showed nothing but relief.

"(Y/n)," he muttered.

I ran over, trying to pay no mind to the bruises on my side. When I finally made it to Tommy, he yanked me forward into a hug, holding me close to him. I closed my eyes as I hugged him back.

"God, I was scared you got infected or shot or just- God," he muttered.

"Could say the same to you," I replied.

Tommy stepped back, looking like he just realized something. "I know someone who's gonna be very happy to see you."

I had a sneaking suspicion of who it was. But it didn't bring me the overwhelming sense of happiness that I wanted it to bring. The idea of Tommy just saying "someone" and not something like "people" made my heart sink a little.

I tried to not pay any mind to the sinking feeling in my stomach as Tommy led me somewhere.

I stopped when I spotted Joel.

He looked exhausted. Angry. The exhaustion was understandable. It was hard not to be. But I don't remember ever seeing him with so much anger on his face before. This wasn't a look that went with being angry in the moment. This was anger that was consistent. Anger with the world, instead of anger with a single subject.

I took note of Sarah's absence. I knew Joel. He was protective before all of this. I knew that he would never let her go anywhere without him now. He would be glued to the girl's side, keeping her from all harm. That's just who he was.

"You alright?" Tommy asked, touching my arm.

I didn't pull my eyes from Joel as I nodded. He dropped his hand and went to guide me further, but I stopped him, touching his arm. "Tommy?"

"Yeah?" he looked back at me.

"Where's Sarah?"

I didn't want to ask Joel when I met him. If it was bad, then I didn't want to be the reason that he thought about it.

Tommy looked down for a moment.

"Joel, Sarah, and I got around that initial blockade that the army had put up," he explained. "We made it into town. A plane crashed and it caused the truck to crash. I got separated from Joel and Sarah for a while, but when I found them, there was a soldier holding a gun up to Joel. I shot him before he could shoot Joel. And then I heard Joel scream. The... The soldier had fired before I got to them. He got Sarah through the torso. She... She died."

I let out a shaky breath as tears filled my eyes. I looked down. "Oh my god."

He stepped forward and hugged me again.

It took me a moment, but I eventually stepped back and let out another sigh.

"You alright?" he muttered.

"I'm good," I nodded. I had gotten my tears under control. I was just grateful that the crowd had blocked Joel from the little scene that had taken place before.

I decided to walk over to Joel after a moment. I steered through the crowd easily enough. Tommy helped.

"Joel," he called once we were a few feet away.

Joel looked up from whatever spot on the ground he had been using to zone out. I saw his eyes go wide as he looked at me.

"I found a stray," Tommy added.

"Fuck you," I mumbled, chuckling a bit.

Joel stood up. "(Y/n)?"

"Hi," I felt a new wave of tears fill my eyes.

He quickly stepped forward and pulled me into a tight hug. I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his shoulder and closing my eyes. His hold on me only seemed to tighten as he did that.

Joel's voice was shaky as he muttered into my ear, "I thought you... I thought you were-"

"I'm fine," I cut him off. "I promise."

His shoulders relaxed a bit, but he didn't let me go. Not quite yet.

When I pulled back, my eyes caught onto a wound on his head. I didn't question it at the time, but I couldn't help but notice it. Something in my gut just told me that something was different about it. It wasn't a normal wound from getting hurt. It was just... something different.

"Anyone tell you guys where we're meant to go," I asked. "Not like there's much left."

"Not in the slightest," Joel muttered, glancing around. "They only seem worried about the really bad ones."

"Really? They were treating me like glass and all I got is a bruise on my side."

"From what?" Joel's eyebrows furrowed, immediately worried.

"It's fine, really," I touched his arm. "I fell while dealing with an infected. It was why I was dragged here."

"Nice to know the clumsiness hasn't changed," Tommy smirked.

"Believe it or not, the end of the world isn't the ideal time to work on coordination," I replied. "And hey, did good enough to live."

"I say we grab supplies and get the hell out of here," Joel suggested.

"Head out on our own?" I glanced around the area.

"If an outbreak hits here, I don't wanna be in the crowd."

I nodded. "Can't get supplies now."

"Tonight," he decided. "We get what we need then we hit the road."

Getting out of the triage clinic with needed supplies was easier than I thought it would be. Maybe it was the universe showing just a brief moment of kindness considering how difficult surviving was going to be after this.

It was a few nights later when we found ourselves hidden away in an old, abandoned house. After clearing it out, we made ourselves a small camp in the living room.

"I'll take first watch-"

"I've got it," Joel cut me off.

"No, you've been taking first watch every time we've stopped," I replied. "Get some sleep, Joel. I've got it."

"You sure?"

I nodded.

"Fine by me," Tommy shrugged before going to lie down.

"Night," Joel nodded at me.

I grinned. "Night."

As the brother drifted off for a few hours, I found myself relaxing against the wall. The first night I kept watch; Joel had told me all about all sorts of habits to keep me awake. Not that I really needed them. Fear was enough of a motivator for me.

That night had been calm. Nothing to worry about.

Until I heard muttering.

I furrowed my eyebrows, looking around the room.

It was Joel.

I walked over, glancing down at him. It took a matter of moments for it to become clear that he was having some kind of bad dream. I furrowed my eyebrows and knelt down next to him.

"Joel," I whispered.

I pushed a bit on his shoulder. Nothing happened.

"Joel," I repeated, pushing a little harder on his shoulder.

He started shaking more, which was when I started panicking.

I grabbed onto his arms, shaking him roughly. "Joel, Joel!"

He woke suddenly, staring at me with wide eyes and panicked breathing.

"Hey, hey," I held onto his shoulders. I quietly hushed him, muttering about how he was okay.

He sat up, yanking me forward into his arms.

I let one of my hands run through the hair on the nape of his neck. His face was hidden in my shoulder as his hands flexed a bit against my back as he tightened his arms around me.

"I've got you," I mumbled.

By the time I had said that his breathing had calmed down significantly. He was just resting against me now. As if he was scared to let me go.

"Always did, didn't you?" he replied. "Always trying to save me."

"I never needed to save you," I argued.

He leaned back slowly. "Maybe you never tried, but you did. You were always there somewhere. No matter what happened."

My hands were still on his shoulders. His arms were still around me. I wasn't comforting him anymore, but it felt like if I pulled away from him, then I'd be committing some crime.

"I... I lost too much these last few days," he continued. "I can't lose you too."

"You aren't gonna lose me, Joel-"

"I... I want you to stay with me," he cut me off. "All the time. I don't want to let go of you."

"Okay..."

There was a long pause between us. I could have sworn that I saw the gears turning in Joel's head. I could see him imagining a million different scenarios in a matter of seconds. I could have sworn that I had never seen him so... nervous.

But the more I looked at him, the more I realized that I had seen that face before.

I saw it just a few days ago when I hugged him. I saw it whenever I left after babysitting Sarah. I saw it every time he walked me to the door of my car and I jokingly called him a gentleman. I knew that look so well. I just never knew what it meant.

I got to know the meaning just a few seconds later.

When Joel leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine.

I paused for a moment.

I had imagined this before. I had spent countless nights drifting off with this very image rattling around my brain, haunting me as I tried to find some semblance of peace.

Experiencing now was nothing short of that pure peace that I had been longing for.

My lips slowly moved against his as my hands moved to cup the sides of his face.

Just a little while ago, I was certain that I had nothing pushing me to keep moving and keep living. But now, I was reminded of why I hadn't just laid down and died the first night it all went to hell.

I leaned back slowly, resting my forehead against his.

"Stay," Joel muttered.

"I have no intention of going anywhere," I replied. "I'm going to stay right here."

And I meant it.

No matter how hard I needed to fight, who I needed to get through, or what I had to do.

I was always going to be right there.

---------------------

Navigation Guide

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

[lillunna]

-Maybe In Another Lifestream-

Biggs ONESHOT

TW: spoilers for ff7 remake and rebirth and ANGST mainly for the loveless scene in rebirth. uses lyrics from "no promises to keep"

note: most all my works are for AFAB since its what i know what to write but if requested ill try, also im not the greatest writer just thought biggs needs more love this is also just a test oneshot so short. im terrible at spelling and gammer expect the worst

songs listened to while writing:

lacy by olivia rogrigo

almost (sweet music) by hozier

no promises to keep

my star (pealeaf ver)

better off without me by Matt hansen

Fantasmas by Humbe

"I won't say that it was fate, I won't say that it was destiny."

I sit next to Tifa and hold her hand as we watch Aerith perform her song using the VR, both Tiffa and I teary eyed after watching jessies performance for the first time. As I listen to to her voice i think back to my time with jessie, wedge, and Biggs.

"Till the day that we meet again, Where or when I wish i could say but believe, know that you'll find me."

I remember how I first met Biggs back in sector 5 in the abandon church, I waited for Aerith as small child came in and kept me company till he came in I remember the relief that washed over his face when he saw the child safe. He even walked me to my home in sector 7 since he was headed in that direction, there was never a moment he wasn't a gentlemen. Already being acquainted with Tifa just made us closer.

Seventh heaven two months before the pillar fell

"You gonna make or are you gonna continue to make us all suffer through your puppy love crush on Biggs?" Jessie teases me as she watches me watch biggs I sigh at her teasing jokes knowing she means well "jess its not that simple I don't wanna ruin our friendship" I say quietly right as Biggs and wedge walk towards us. Oh how i wish i just told him the truth but how could I know what would happen.

Seventh Heaven one month before the pillar fell

Wedge had locked Biggs and I in the Seventh Heaven storage closet, Biggs stood over me trying to give me space but given the lack of room in the closet, close proximity was inevitable. "uh sorry I can't really move any further" biggs says as he places his hands against the door my back was to "no its fine I understand" i say as I avoid making eye contact. It had been 10 minutes since wedge left us in this awkward state "Hey I was wonderi-" right before Biggs could finish Wedge pushed the door open sending biggs and I forward falling to the ground when i open my eyes i see biggs face inches from my own and myself on top of biggs my face immediately flushing before I can say anything i here the click of a camera and I turn to see Jessie holding a camera "JESSIE!" both Biggs and I yelled. I still can't believe Jessie got Wedge in on her plan.

Biggs apartment one week before the pillar fell

After a rough run with some fiends I sit on Biggs bathroom counter as he cleans some scraps on my knees when he gets to a deep gash on my thigh he tried to get a shard of glass causing me to yelp in pain. "hold on a little longer pretty girl" Biggs says focused on the gash "pretty gir- FUCK BIGGS!" I try to question him but he pours a little alcohol on the wound causing me bite my lip hard as he finishes patching me up he looks at my now bleeding lip like he wanted to say something but stops himself. Why didn't I say something?

Topside two days before the plate fell

Jessie handed us parachutes one for cloud and wedge to share and one for Biggs and I to share saying that she feared I'd get lost and that Biggs would watch out for me, maybe this was her way of trying to make up for that awkward dinner with her mother and having Biggs act like her boyfriend. After we jumped down I can't help but admire the beautiful view "Its gorgeous" I quietly say and I hear Biggs agree not knowing we were talking about different views. After we finally land it was just our luck we were tangled in the parachute after a few minutes of struggling we lay there laughing at our predicament it was like an unspoken agreement to just enjoy the moment. What I would give to relive that night.

Sector 7 right before the plate would fall

It was chaos, Tifa had gone to wall market Cloud was still missing everyone was running all neighborhood watch members and Avalanche were either evacuating people or going to the plate control tower. Biggs sees me and grabs me and pulls me close "evacuate as many people as you can and get away from here." he says as he looks at me before grabbing the back of my neck and pull me into a kiss i immediately kiss back fearing the moment he pulls away. When he pulls away I look at him understanding he didn't think he was coming back to me "promise me you'll make it out safely?" I say to him as he looks at me with sorrow in his eyes but doesn't respond "Biggs please promise me!" I can't help but raise my voice in desperation he closes his eyes before silently nodding "I promise I'll make it back to you always" Biggs ran towards the control tower and I lost a piece of myself in that moment knowing the truth. I didn't see him again till I followed Cloud up the tower I fell to my knees next to him as Cloud left us be, tears welled in my eyes "hey pretty girl don't cry" Biggs says in a hushed tone as he brushes the tears away. "you promised Biggs you can't leave me alone, we can get you out of here please" I say as i place my hand on his he only gives me a sad face and shakes his head before kissing me one last time and he calls to one of the neighborhood watch men telling them to get me to safety I refuse and try to pull away from them as they try to take me away from Biggs. "Im not leaving you alone Biggs! please just a little longer" they comply with my request till they decide we can't stay any longer they forcibly remove me taking me to safety. I should have stayed with him.

"take my hand and believe we can be together evermore."

Once Aerith Finishes her song green mist appears and in the corner of my eyes I swear I see him, I look again and see Biggs standing there smiling at me. "still my pretty girl." as i take my glasses off I smile sadly as tears drip down my face "always and forever your pretty girl"

So Uh yeah my first ever oneshot mind you this is prob badly written because its almost 3 am and my laptop crashed while I was writing it so i got a little lazy about editing

[heartpascal]

YOU'LL FIND THE KEY

(reader)

• how to save a life - the fray

"where did i go wrong? i lost a friend,

somewhere along in the bitterness,

and i would have stayed up with you all night,

had i known how to save a life."

• elastic heart - sia

"i'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard,

i may snap and i move fast,

you won't see me fall apart."

• almost (sweet home) - hozier

"i've got some color back, she thinks so, too,

i laugh like me again, she laughs like you."

• love like you - steven universe

"i always thought i might be bad,

now i'm sure that it's true,

'cause i think you're so good,

and i'm nothing like you."

(joel)

• pompeii - bastille

"but if you close your eyes,

does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?

and if you close your eyes,

does it almost feel like you've been here before?"

• someone to you - banners

"i'll make the moon shine just for your view,

i'll make the starlight circle the room,

and if you feel the night is falling,

i wanna be the one you're calling,

'cause i believe that you could lead the way,

i just wanna be somebody to someone, oh."

• hello my old heart - the oh hellos

"oh, don't leave me here alone,

don't tell me that we've grown,

for having loved a little while,

oh, i don't wanna be alone,

i wanna find a home,

and i wanna share it with you."

(tommy & maria)

• i'll be your home - phillip larue

"you've been rolling, turning,

like a stone,

oh, restless heart, just let it go,

so, if you're tired, of fighting on your own,

if you're tired, of feeling all alone,

i'll be your home."

• home - phillip phillips

"if you get lost, you can always be found,

just know you're not alone,

'cause i'm gonna make this place your home."

• it's on us - ajr

"come out of the cold, we'll take the load,

and if they hurt you, with words so cruel,

here's what we'll do, we'll all fight for you,

it's not your fault, you don't feel safe,

it's not your fault, so don't take blame,

(no, it's on us)."

(reader & jesse)

• space between - dove cameron & sofia carson

"i didn't know what you,

were going through,

why did you have to hide?"

"i didn't wanna let you down,

but the truth is out,

it's tearing me apart,

not listening to my heart."

(reader & joel)

• fine line - harry styles

"we'll be a fine line,

we'll be alright (alright, alright, alright)."

• wildfire - seafret

"i needed sunshine in the darkness burning out,

well, now i know that i'm the fuel, and she's the spark,

we are bound to each other's hearts,

caught, torn, and pulled apart,

this love is like wildfire."

• little wonders - rob thomas

[about reader]

"let it go,

let it roll right off your shoulder,

don't you know,

the hardest part is over?

let it in,

let your clarity define you,

in the end,

we will only just remember how it feels."

[about joel]

"let it slide,

let your troubles fall behind you,

let it shine,

until you feel it all around you,

and i don't mind,

if it's me you need to turn to,

we'll get by,

it's the heart that really matters in the end."

howl each and every time you make me sob and cry you really do. LET US PROCEED.

[narrativelysignificantturtleduck]

the sad old fire gays playlist

bold = jeong jeong, italics = piandao, both = both

1. let this remain - alana henderson

meet the basic need in me then get up and be gone / take the heat, retreat and leave the room to carry on / so between me and you / let this remain / but you could be the only one i don’t regret (yet)

they start their relationship trying to convince themselves it's just some physical thing. it'd be easier that way, less complicated. but it's not.

i didn't intend this, but in my fic killer, jeong jeong all but quotes this song, telling piandao "you are the only part of that life I do not regret".

2. two birds - regina spektor

two birds on a wire / one tries to fly away / and the other / watches him close from that wire / he says he wants to as well / but he is a liar

one of them ran away from the fire nation, the other did not, despite having the same beliefs. i think after jeong jeong deserts, piandao considers following him, wants to follow him. but he never does. he's just a liar.

3. goodbye, my danish sweetheart - mitski

explained here

4. round we go - marika hackman

oh my god, what have i done? / left my hands above the flames

this ended up on here because in the second chapter of my fic beyond your darkness, piandao burns himself while staring into fire thinking of jeong jeong. this song is pretty opaque, but that imagery, plus the lines about "i'm inside my head / rolling around my skull like a flesh-colored marble" makes me feel like this song is about that exactly that situation - burning yourself while turning over a past relationship in your head. round you go.

5. i don't smoke - mitski

explained here

6. disclaim - thao & the get down stay down

i don't believe it's your destiny / to always chase my memory / how could it be insincere / to very clearly disappear

jeong jeong thinking about piandao post-desertion, hoping that he moves on with his life. i meant no harm to you, the song repeats.

there's also something very gender about a woman singing the line "i was once an honorable man". very jeong jeong's gender, specifically.

7. tactics - japanese breakfast

a love that has to / move a great distance from you / cross a sea, keep you from me

along the same theme as the previous - jeong jeong left piandao behind because he cared, didn't want to drag him down too.

shockingly, i'm pretty sure i wrote the peach memory in ghosts before i heard this song. then i just had to add it to the playlist.

8. burning house - cam

laid beside you and pulled you close / and the two of us went up in smoke

i heard this song on the radio during the three months i worked retail and i was like "that sounds like a dream jeong jeong would have about piandao". and then i added it to the playlist. love how the album cover does not match the vibe of the song at all.

9. as it was - hozier

tell me if somehow / some of it remained /how long you would wait for me / how long i've been away

one of the first songs i thought of as pianjeong - blorbo from my albums meets blorbo from my shows! a song about returning home to your lover after a draining and chaotic time away, apt for jeong jeong reuniting with piandao after being on the run for years. i also think the last lines -

and the cold cut as sharp as my baby / and the nights were as dark as my baby / half as beautiful too

fit piandao pretty well.

(that said, the main conflict in ghosts is that jeong jeong knows that everything can't be as it was.)

10. i will - mitski

explained here. i really tried to limit the amount of mitski songs on this playlist. i really did.

11. timefighter - lucy dacus

i fought time / it won in a landslide / i'm just as good as anybody / i'm just as bad as anybody

the weight of the years hangs on jeong jeong. but ultimately, it's healing to realize everyone has good and bad. the years have caught up to both of them, but it's brought wisdom.

12. mars - sleeping at last

we were young enough to sign / along the dotted line / now we're young enough to try / to build a better life

the former soldiers healing and building a better life after the war.

13. hot & heavy - lucy dacus

this song came into my notes app and plagiarized from the early drafts of ghosts. absolutely rude behavior from lucy. i demand financial compensation.

then again, maybe we were both writing about someone who goes back to the place they're from and reconnects with an ex-lover and both of them have changed so much and seeing this person again brings up so many old feelings and memories. also fire imagery. maybe that's it.

jokes aside, i can't pick just one lyric to sum up why this is on the playlist.

being back here makes me hot in the face / hot blood in my pulsing veins / heavy memories weighing on my brain

jeong jeong is super uncomfortable being back in the fire nation.

how could i deny a diamond in the rough?

piandao as an exceptional person from a lower-class background, piandao as a person jeong jeong loved in the miserable environment of the military.

you were always stronger than people suspected / underestimated and overprotected

piandao was underestimated as a nonbender - maybe not overprotected, but the point still stands.

when i went away it was the only option / couldn't trust myself to proceed with caution / the most that i could give to you was nothing at all

jeong jeong deserting the military bc he knew he'd snap if he stayed, not telling piandao because that kept him safer.

you were a secret to yourself / you couldn't keep from anyone else / now you're the biggest brightest flame / you are a fire that can't be tamed / you're better than ever but i knew you when / it's bittersweet to see you again

piandao has gone from the underestimated young soldier to a respected master. jeong jeong had always seen that potential in him even if he didn't see it himself. but given how jeong jeong thinks about firebending, calling him a bright flame that can't be tamed is also a bit of an insult, that he's become this respectable fire nation citizen. he's better than ever, but jeong jeong knew him way back when. it's bittersweet to see him again.

14. curses - the crane wives

every word i say is kindling / but the smoke clears when you're around

this song has so many key jeong jeong words - curse, fire, war. even has my personal jeong jeong word "ghosts". throw in "river" and you've got them all! it's almost TOO obvious.

15. killer - phoebe bridgers

can the killer in me / tame the fire in you?

our title track, as well as the title of my fic killer. despite all the destruction that they have done and witnessed, there is something waiting for them.

16. any human friend - marika hackman

i'll take you to the far side / where it won't be wrong

they get together after the war, in that faraway "place" where it's finally safe for them to be themselves. i put this as piandao's perspective because he's the one "made of stone", who maybe seemed cold and unfeeling for so many years because he had to hide. (jeong jeong may be repressed, but unfeeling is not the word for someone who yells that much). mostly, though, this song has such a warm golden energy. it's the slow fade-out on a sunset, the closing credits of the movie. the happy ending, in song form.

[seriowan]

candy bruises - wrecker x f!reader

main masterlist

⭒ summary: it doesn't take an army to cheer you up - just wrecker, a flower, and a dash of young love ⭒ word count: 3.1k ⭒ cw/tw: (18+) MINORS DNI slight angst in the beginning, fluff, smut: fingering, oral (f!receiving), praise ⭒ song recommendation: like real people do, hozier ; bury me, duendita ⭒ a/n: no, i totally didn't stay up an entire night writing this. i also didn't proofread so we're going in raw, folks. special shoutout to @eloquentmoon who hypes me up and deals with my sleepless hysteria 💀💕 love you breastie!!

-

The bluish-purple bruise around your wrist wasn’t permanent. 

   It was a bruise, and like every other bruise that stained your skin, it would fade.

   But the memory behind the bruise would not be so easily forgotten. Even after your skin would return to its normal hue, you would always feel the thick, meaty fingers that latched around your wrist. The tight squeeze that burst the blood vessels underneath the skin. The look on the Imperial’s face when he realized that you were not, in fact, just a meager girl chatting with him at the bar. 

   In that moment, when you felt as if your bones would shatter from the pressure of his squeeze; when your stomach ached as if you swallowed acid and spit it back up, you were so utterly afraid. 

   And it was this fear that nested in your gut. Lingering. Festering. Consuming every single thought since the mission ended. No matter how hard you tried to think of something else, you would always find your eyes drifting back down to the bruise, fingertips ghosting over the perfect silhouette of four fingers and a thumb.

   The boys and Omega were at the parlor, giving you a few hours of silence to mull over your close call in the safety of a dark, empty ship. The door was propped open, allowing a steady stream of cool air to blow through, drawing goosebumps to your bare legs. 

   An oversized GAR sweater and underwear wasn’t the ideal outfit for a cold night, but you didn’t bother changing. The cold chill was somewhat of a reminder that you were alive. Grounding, even if uncomfortable. 

   Your knees were drawn to your chest as you slouched down in the co-pilot’s seat, staring dazedly at your wrist while outlining the shape of the bruise. You lowered your hands in your lap at the sound of footsteps, turning your face towards the cockpit as if looking out the windows. Heavy boots echoed up the ramp before moving into the ship. You didn’t bother turning; the sweet smell of market-fresh Mantell mix was enough of a hint for you to guess who it was. 

   Giving the chair a gentle spin, Wrecker turned you towards him and crouched down to a knee. Lips curling in a shy smile, he removed his hand from his back, revealing a beautiful yellow flower pinched between his fingers. 

   “Found it on the way here,” he said in a shy mumble, nervously rubbing the back of his head. “I thought it’d maybe cheer you up a bit.” 

   You bit your quivering lip, lowering your feet down to the ground before leaning over to gently take the flower. It was beautiful, vibrant and colorful and so much like Wrecker. 

   Though you thought it to be impossible, Wrecker somehow managed to make you smile. 

   His face brightened instantly. Brushing a strand of hair from your face, he plucked the flower from your fingers and tucked it behind your ear. A fingertip curled underneath your chin, tipping your head up and tilting it as if to take in your beauty. 

   You flushed pink and pressed your lips together, hiding an absolutely flustered grin. When he arched his brow, quietly challenging you, you rolled your eyes and finally gave in, smiling as far as you could go until your cheeks hurt. 

   “There it is,” he sang teasingly, cupping the side of your face as he ran his thumb across your cheekbone. “There’s my favorite smile.” 

   You cupped his hand and kissed his palm before nestling your cheek into it. As you moved, your sleeve slipped down your arm, exposing the dark bruise that made yours and Wrecker’s smiles disappear. His brow furrowed, the muscle in his jaw twitching as he clenched his teeth. 

   You clamped your hand over your wrist and pulled it to your chest, turning your head away with a grimace.

   After a brief pause, Wrecker tenderly cupped the side of your face and turned it back towards him. 

   “You don’t have to feel bad,” he said softly, taking your hands in his own and resting them on your lap. Assurance sat heavily in his gaze as his thumbs grazed over your knuckles. “That Imperial knew somethin’ was up from the beginning. Baby, we all mess up sometimes. Kriff, I mess up all the time, but we still pull through, right? Besides, the mission’s not all that important.” 

   He took your hand, careful to avoid touching the bruise as he raised it to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to your inner wrist. 

   “You are.” 

   Wrecker offered you a shy smile that reached his eyes, creasing the corners ever so delicately. It’s the kind of smile that he reserves just for you — soft and gentle and loving in a way that you could never fathom. You couldn’t understand how kindhearted he could be after everything he went through — from the war to Crosshair’s absence, even to the guilt he carried from Bracca, nothing ever seemed to dismiss the warmth behind those gentle eyes. 

   It was a peculiar thing to call Wrecker gentle. To any other person, he was too loud; too destructive; too impulsive, and brash. His size was intimidating, threatening to those who stood on the other end of his blaster. His gravelly voice — a frightening weapon that could cause any opponent to second guess taking him on in a fight. 

   But to you, he was everything. Loving. Caring. Protective. Devoted. 

   His arms were your sanctuary. His kisses, your breath of life. His laughter may have been loud enough to rattle the walls, but it was also enough to make you bloom even on your darkest days. Wrecker was unique in every which way, but every vice, every virtue, all the cracks and blemishes and beautiful pieces… they were all him. 

   Every single piece of him that the universe had to offer was a piece of him that you loved. 

   In turn, he was there to love every single little piece of you. The parts of you that felt fear, anger, resentment. The piece of you that tried to hold back tears whenever he or his brothers got hurt. The pieces of you that were devoted to caring for Omega as if she was your own. He loved the laugh that you always tried to hide behind your hand and the embarrassing way your cheeks and ears would turn pink at every minor inconvenience. Your clumsiness and terrible jokes were his favorites. Enthusiastic stories and bursts of energy were like music to his ears. He adored the fact that you couldn’t sleep at night without kissing him once on the nose and forehead, insisting it was a good luck tradition. He memorized you like you were a poem, reading in between the lines to catch every emotion, every high and low. 

   All of the love, every shred of him that swelled with pride and joy when he looked at you, could be summed up with a single look; a single smile that made his eyes twinkle. 

   And by the gods did that smile make you fall in love with him all over again. 

   Your bruise became a thing of the past. Fear and anxiousness soothed down to comfort; a relief that you were no longer alone and with someone who understood. 

   Wrecker took your hands and stood, effortlessly pulling you to your feet. You couldn’t stop smiling as he smoothly spun you around and dipped you backward. The two of you settled into a gentle sway from side to side, holding one another’s gaze in the beautiful silence. He bent down, pressing his forehead to yours just to feel you relax completely in his arms. 

   You tilted your head, pressing the tip of your nose to his. 

   “You’re sneaky, y’know that?”

   “Not sure what you mean,” he said innocently, lips brushing against your own. After a heartbeat of silence, he spoke in a whisper. “I don’t like seeing you sad.” 

   You stopped dancing, pulling your head back just enough to see the worried expression on his face. His eyes searched yours, flickering back and forth before darting to your lips. He swallowed thickly and wet his lips — a simple action that sent a swarm of butterflies through your gut. 

   Without a word, you took a step back… and another… and another, pulling Wrecker by his hand until you reached the co-pilot’s seat. With a finger against his chest, you gently nudged him into the seat before crawling on his lap. Back against his chest, he wrapped a secure arm around your waist while the other settled on your thigh, drawing invisible hearts on your goosepimpled skin. 

   With a sigh, you laid your head on his shoulder and melted against his chest, surrendering yourself to the safety of his hold. Wrecker’s arm around your waist seemed to tighten when you grabbed his roaming hand and began to pull it closer towards your inner thigh. 

   “I’m not sad,” you quietly breathed, eyes fluttering shut at the pleased rumble that vibrated through his chest. “Not anymore. Not when you’re here with me… touching me…” 

   You guided his fingers underneath the hem of your sweater, biting your lip when the tip of his middle finger grazed your clothed pussy. Another swallow. Another sharp inhale, followed by a slow exhale. You felt his chest rise and fall underneath you; his breath, fanning across your neck as he bent his head and began to kiss the sensitive spot below your ear. 

   The second you pulled your hand away, he tightened his hold around your waist as if to permanently cement you to his chest. The other hand, hidden underneath your sweater, gently pushed aside your panties, teasing a finger through your folds.  

   You sucked in a shaky breath and wedged your bottom lip between your teeth, tilting your head to give Wrecker better access to your neck. His kisses became wet and open-mouthed, growing in their fervency as he started to gain momentum. When his fingers were greeted with a slick warmth, he smiled into your neck.

    “Looks like someone’s happy to see me.” 

   You were too invested in the single finger slowly curling around your clit to answer. It was as if he was purposefully avoiding any further stimulation to make room for the question, “You sure you want this?” 

   “Yes,” you whimpered, clenching the muscles in your thighs when his middle finger traveled down to your entrance. “Gods yes, Wrecker. J-Just please, please make me feel good-” 

   “Shhh.” He briefly sucked your neck before dragging his tongue over the growing lovebite. “You don’t have to beg, princess. I’ll give you whatever you want if you just ask.” 

   Fuck, you were growing lightheaded and he hadn’t even put a finger inside of you yet. Biting your lip, you arched your back, pleased to feel his arm tensing around your waist. Instinctive, like he was afraid you were going to leave. 

   You willed your taut muscles to relax before slowly slouching against his chest. Nuzzling his nose underneath your ear, he made himself comfortable by slinking further down the seat, giving him room to spread his legs. With a quick adjustment of your hips, you parted your thighs a bit wider, earning a deep-chested chuckle.

   “Good girl.” 

   Flutters wracked through your gut, shooting down to your cunt just as Wrecker slipped his finger into your warmth. A pleased yet relieved sigh fell from your lips. You rocked your head back, holding onto him with one arm while the other snaked under your shirt to grope your breast. Grinding his palm against your clit, Wrecker pump his finger in and out, burying it down to the knuckle and curling against your g-spot each time. One of Wrecker’s fingers was as wide as two of your own, filling you just enough to feel nothing but bliss. 

   The steady rub of his palm against your clit was tame at first. Sensual. Slow and steady, just enough to drag out your pleasure until you were dripping onto his armor. He kept lazily dragging his finger in and out of your folds before the ache between your thighs became a needy pulse. 

   While he was quick to work you open, drawing soft mewls and hitched breaths, his tongue continued laying its claim along your neck. He kissed, sucked, and bit to his heart’s content, muttering the soft praise, “Kriff, you taste so sweet,” under his breath.

   “I taste even better here,” you panted, swirling your fingertip around your clit. 

   Wrecker immediately paused, removing his finger from your cunt. 

   “Yeah?” 

   Without a second of hesitation, he took your hand in his own and swiped your finger through your soaked folds. You craned your neck, holding his intense gaze as he raised your slick-coated finger to his mouth and wrapped his lips around it, giving it a good and hard suck. Tongue swiveling around your digit, he let go with a pop, but not before licking a stripe from knuckle to fingertip. 

   You were stunned into silence, frozen with wide eyes and an open mouth. 

   “You’re right,” he smirked, cocking his head to the side while is wolfish gaze dragged down your body. “You taste like candy, mesh’la.” 

   It took every ounce of willpower to refrain from collapsing as you stood and traded one chair for the other. Wrecker broke eye contact with you when you pulled your sweater over your head and tossed it to the floor, dragging your panties down soon after. Sinking into the seat, you opened your legs and curled a finger. 

   “Come here, baby,” you purred. 

   Lust glossed over his face. Curtly wetting his lips, he slid from the chair to his knees and sat before you with eyes of burning adoration. Large, calloused hands caressed up your legs, marking a path that was followed by his lips. 

   A kiss on the ankle, tender and delicate. 

   “Pretty, just like that flower in your hair, right princess?”

   A kiss on your shin, lingering just long enough for him to breathe in the sweet smell of your skin. 

   “You gonna be a good girl for me?”

   A kiss on your knee, open-mouthed and wet — a sign of his barely-contained desire to ravage you. 

   "So karkin' beautiful."

   You couldn’t help but moan. 

   When he got to your thigh, the kisses became sharper, faster, sloppy and impatient. He nibbled on the skin, sucking just enough to leave a wet trail of cherry-red hickies that inched higher and higher, closer and closer towards your throbbing heat, teasing the skill of his tongue and the forceful suck of his lips.

   Massive hands engulfed your hips, nudging your ass farther down the seat. He took a good long look at your cunt before peppering kisses right around it.  Hooking your legs over his shoulders, Wrecker made sure to lock eyes with you while he lowered his head. He flashed you a smirk just before burrowing his face between your thighs, desperately pulling, kneading, digging his fingertips into the soft flesh of your thighs. 

   Tingles shot down your legs as his tongue flicked across your swollen clit without abandon. Sweat glistened all over your body, brought by the heat in your abdomen. You clenched the armrests with white knuckles, chest heaving as you panted for air. 

   “Just like that…” 

   “You’re doing good, baby…” 

   “Jus’ a little longer…” 

      With each flat drag of his tongue, every sharp suck to your clit, each long stripe licked to and fro across your heat, you felt the pressure begin to overflow. The muscles in your cunt clenched, bidding Wrecker’s tongue to slip into your heat. The knot tightened even harder as he fucked you with his tongue, driving you to whimpering moans and wails that echoed out the open door and into the empty hangar. 

   As blissful as it was for you, Wrecker looked just as disheveled kneeling between your thighs. Eyes shut, he ravaged you with satisfaction, eating you for his and your pleasure. He had a slight sway to his hips as if grinding against nothing would alleviate the delightful pressure brought on by the taste of your pussy. 

   Moaning into your cunt sent tingling vibrations straight to your clit. Your back arched and you let out a deep gasp when the muscles in your abdomen and thighs contracted. 

   As your orgasm inched towards its peak, Wrecker's need became insatiable. His hands were now permanently clenching your sides, forcing your writhing hips to stay still while your legs clenched around his head. A deep moan rumbled from his chest as you ground your clit against his tongue. 

   The second he gave your nub a teasing nibble, you were instantly elevated towards your soul-shattering orgasm. Your eyes clenched shut, mouth dropping open as you cried out Wrecker’s name. He mercilessly looped his arms around your thighs, greedily lapping up your release. Your trembling thighs tightened around his head, hips buckling while you rode out your orgasm on Wrecker’s tongue. 

   You sat back in the seat with an exasperated sigh, overcome with exhaustion. Wrecker’s chin and lips were glossy before he dragged his tongue across his lips, savoring your taste once more. With a smirk, he looped your legs around his waist and stood, bringing you up with him. 

   You were boneless. Light as a feather. Limp in his arms with a dazed smile on your face and hazy eyes of total bliss. Every muscle felt relaxed, every stressed bone in your body now weightless. Peace washed over you from head to toe, turning you into a ragdoll of post-sex pleasure and satisfaction.

   Wrecker chuckled, setting you down on the edge of his bunk before going to retrieve your sweater.  You slipped it on as soon as you could, saving yourself from the cold that turned your cheeks and nose pink. Wrecker was quick to clean your mess from the cockpit before stripping his armor and joining you in the bunk. He gently took the flower from your hair (which surprisingly hadn’t fallen off) and placed it beside his helmet on the floor.  

   Since the metal bed was wide enough for just one person, you made yourself comfortable on his chest, intertwining your legs together under the scratchy grey blanket. His fingertips slid underneath your sweater, caressing delicate lines between your shoulder blades. The simple gesture was soothing, drawing goosebumps and a fresh wave of fatigue. Heavy eyelids fluttered shut, though you struggled to keep them open. As you drifted in and out of sleep, Wrecker kissed your forehead, lips lingering. 

   “Mesh’la?” 

   “Hmm?” 

   “Love you. Bruises and all.” 

   Large arms wrapped around you and held you just a bit tighter than before. You smiled and shut your eyes, no longer thinking of the bruise, but all of the beautiful bruises that now painted your skin with memories of bliss and love. 

   As sleepy as you were, you sluggishly cupped his cheek and tilted your head, pressing your lips against his for the night’s final kiss. 

   “I love you too, Wrecker.” 

   And by the gods did you mean it. 

-

taglist? taglist! (+ friends/moots who might enjoy this)

@a-c-lee @eloquentmoon @frietiemeloen @misogirl828 @leotatombs @kimageddon @moonstrider9904 @emperor-palpaminty @neon-junkie @nahoney22

[bloodorangesoup]

Work Song | B.B.

Request: Have you ever heard work song by hozier? It gives me such bucky vibes 🥺 like imagine him waking up from a nightmare & singing it to calm him down

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 2.05k (this was supposed to be a drabble but I got carried away lol)

Warnings: Slight angst, fluff, bad singing (unless you can actually sing), Bucky being a big softy

My Masterlist

Notes: Anon you need to name yourself cause you obviously have good taste in music and I kinda want some moots on here. This song is so perfect for Bucky. I truly appreciate the suggestion, it gives me inspiration of what to write while procrastinating on works in progress <3

You were awoken when the sheets and comforter were yanked off of you, shocking you awake with the chill of the night air. You squinted your eyes open only to be faced with Bucky’s back as he was sat up in bed. You could see by the rhythmic curling of his spine that he was breathing fast and heavy, prompting you to sit up with him.

“Baby,” you groaned as you stretched your back and faced him, “you alright?”

His eyes stared forward, expressionless, until he snapped out of it and looked at you with a worried face. It was almost as if Bucky hadn’t even noticed you had sat up until he heard your voice. You wanted to kiss in between his eyebrows to smooth the lines that the furrow of them had formed. You leaned towards him and laid your hand on his back, feeling the expansion and deflation of his breathing, it had calmed a bit but you could feel the still rapid beating of his heart. He opened his mouth for a second, hesitating before releasing a breath and answering.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m okay. Sorry I woke you up. There's still a couple hours left before you have to get up, lay back down.” He said, motioning with his head towards your pillow. You simply shook your head and dragged your hand from his back up to his neck and around to his cheek. He leaned his head into your cupped palm, closing his eyes at the comfort your touch gave him.

“Can we cuddle then?” You asked, more for him than you. It was an unspoken declaration in the air of “you’re a terrible liar,” but by now in your relationship, Bucky knew that if he wanted to talk about his nightmares, you were always there and ready to listen. If he didn’t want to talk then you could at least try to get him back to sleep or calm his nerves.

He answered you with a nod. You grabbed his pillow and stacked it on top of your own, giving you a cushion to comfortably lay down with your back slightly elevated. He understood what to do and without hesitation crawled over to you and wrapped his arms around your torso, laying halfway on top of you and resting his cheek on the top of your breast, right over your heart. Both your bodies shifted a few times until they found the perfect interlock with each other, sinking down into the bed.

“Do you remember that song I showed you the other day, the one you said you really liked?” You didn’t know where you were trying to go with this conversation, but you figured that getting him sleepy again would be hard, so talking about whatever came to your head might help put him down. Bucky could feel the vibrations of your voice all throughout your chest. He wished in that moment that the two of you could stay like this forever, that he could feel your sweet voice like this for the rest of his life.

“The “take me to church” one?”

“Yeah, that one. The dude who sings that has another song I really love, it makes me think of you whenever I hear it.”

“What’s it called?” He mumbled weakly. You gave him a squeeze and continued.

“Work Song.”

“Hmm,” Bucky hummed against your chest, waiting a moment before speaking, “could you sing it for me, doll?”

“If you want, but I can’t promise it’ll sound pretty,” you answered with a breathy chuckle. You wanted to comfort Bucky, but you definitely weren’t a singer. It was difficult enough to be in tune with songs, you weren’t sure you could even manage with half his body resting on you.

“It doesn’t have to sound pretty, if you sing it it’ll be perfect. Please?”

It took Bucky a long time to be okay with asking for things and accepting that receiving favors didn’t equate to weakness. You knew that him asking you to do this for him was hard and you weren’t going to let him down.

“Alright.” You cleared your throat and breathed in before exhaling quickly, cutting the words out of your mouth as your brain tried to think of how the song goes.

“Well, it starts with a low piano note and this soft clap, and there's a harmony that goes ‘hmmm, hmm mmm’ and then another clap and ‘hmm mmm’,” you explained, emphasizing every clap with a light tap if your hand on his back. You looked down at him and lifted your other hand, weaving yo fingers through his hair to gently move back and forth over his scalp. You looked back up to the ceiling with your eyes open, imagining how the stars would look if the roof was gone.

“And that part goes on for a bit…” you said into the silence of the room. As you explained, Bucky had shifted his head to rest the underside of his chin flush against your chest and looked up at you. Due to the way your face looked up he couldn’t see it completely, but he could see how the light of the moon pouring into the room cast a glow across your cheekbones and jaw. He watched as you fumbled through the intro, trying to explain to him how the different sounds come together, and he swore you had never looked more beautiful.

He drank in the way the hums of the song rattled under his chin, how you would pause for a few moments trying to think of what came next in the song. He felt your heartbeat against his throat and the rise and fall of your chest with every breath you would take before letting out another hum. He was right, you could be singing any song and it would be perfect.

“And then he starts singing, he goes,” you took in a breath before singing.

“‘Boys, workin' on empty

Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat?

I just think about my baby

I'm so full of love I could barely eat’

“‘There's nothin' sweeter than my baby

I'd never want once from the cherry tree

'Cause my baby's sweet as can be

She give me toothaches just from kissin' me’.”

He noted how the corners of your mouth tilted upward at that last line. You weren’t singing it exactly as the song went, the melody was a bit off and the pitch was much lower than it was supposed to be, but Bucky felt like every word you sang floated out into the world, carrying its refreshing life and coolness into his soul.

“And then there's this really deep bass note that hits and then the chorus goes,

“‘When, my, time comes around

Lay me gently in the cold dark earth

No grave can hold my body down

I'll crawl home to her’.”

Bucky thought of how he always seemed to crawl back to you. For once, he didn’t feel guilty for his presence in your life. He relished in the feeling of having you under him, in the knowledge that of all the people in the world, you would let him crawl home to you. If he had to crawl to someone, he would thank any and all higher powers that it was you.

“And then the song gets lighters and the hums come back,” you mumbled.

“‘Boys, when my baby found me

I was three days on a drunken sin

I woke with her walls around me

Nothin' in her room but an empty crib’

“‘And I was burning up a fever

I didn't care much how long I lived

But I swear, I thought I dreamed her

She never asked me once about the wrong I did’.”

Memories swirled around in Bucky’s head of all the times he felt like ending it all. He knew he was perfectly capable of doing it, but there was always a stubborn sliver of hope splintered in his head that prevented him from going through with anything. He didn’t like to think back to those times, but hearing the words leave your lips made it clear to him that you were the sliver of hope, some force of the universe had kept him around long enough to reach you and hold on. He closed his eyes and listened as you gently worked through the chorus twice more.

“‘My babe would never fret none

About what my hands and my body done

If the Lord don't forgive me

I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me’.”

Bucky’s brows furrowed as he thought of how unconditionally you cared for him. You weren’t blind to the troubles that came with loving someone like him, with accepting what he did and offering him sanctuary from himself. He didn’t know if he would ever be sure of the idea that he deserved love, but he was okay with being selfish if it meant having you by his side.

“‘When I was kissin' on my baby

And she'd put her love down, soft and sweet

In the low lamp light, I was free

Heaven and hell were words to me’.”

Tears had started to well in Bucky’s eyes. He looked up once again at your face, delicately bathed in moonlight, and thought of how he looked in the light, how you both looked together in the light. If you looked so beautiful and lovely, maybe he could too. He didn't feel exposed or ugly, he felt safe, he felt free. He was overwhelmed with emotion. His heart was pounding and he was choked up, he had never felt as completely and dramatically in love with you as he did in that moment.

You wrapped up the song, carrying it out with the same hums and claps that brought it in. Looking down, you saw Bucky’s face buried in the space between your breasts and could hear a sharp intake of breath, indicating that he was crying. You ran your hand that had been tapping his back up and down his spine. You took your hand from his hair and used it to push his disheveled hair out of his eyes and off his forehead, causing him to look up at you.

To Bucky, you looked like an angel. You both laid in silence, looking into each other's eyes, while Bucky simply hugged you closer and let his tears fall freely. You leaned down and placed a few gentle kisses on his forehead. He finally settled his breathing and sniffled a few times before speaking, he was ready to talk.

“I’ve killed enough people,” he sniffled before continuing, his voice croaky, “I’ve killed enough people to give me nightmares for the rest of my life.” He sighed and closed his eyes, feeling too shameful to keep looking at you.

You sank down lower in the sheets and tightened your hold on him, bringing his face and body up and closer to you.

“I’m so sorry, Buck. I wish there was more I could do.” You finally let go of the few tears building in your eyes, letting them roll down your cheeks to the corner of your lips.

“You’re here. You love me. That’s all I need,” he let out with a sob. You nodded your head and tugged on his body, signaling to him to come up.

He shifted himself higher in the bed, his face coming parallel to yours. You snaked your hand around his neck and craned him to look into your eyes. You observed the glassiness of them and how it accentuated the bright blueness within them. You thought of how, even when he was sobbing, he looked more beautiful than ever.

“I love you so much, y/n” he whispered with shaky breaths.

“I love you too, Buck, more than anything.”

You pulled him completely into you, your swollen lips gliding against one another, mixing your salty tears. You brought your hands to the sides of his face, rubbing your thumbs over his cheekbones, feeling how beautiful he was even with your eyes closed. You both pulled back slowly, only far enough to rest your foreheads together.

“I love you.”

[migilini]

I Do - Charlie Gillespie

a/n: I watched to many seasons of married at first sight and this came to mind. Just pretend that Charlie in this GIF is wearing a suit. Kinda a part two to Fifth Time Workes A Charm

Requests are open btw! (not just for Charlie)

words: 3k

warnings: none just fluff and a lot of crying

MASTERLIST

---------------------------------------------

You barely slept during the night. You kept waking up what felt like every hour to check if it was time to get up. The bed felt awfully empty and you would give everything right now to be in his arms. Then finally, the clock strikes 9 am and you are up on your feet, the nerves getting the better of you. The hotel room was nice and clean, you didn't like it, it felt too white and too lifeless to you right now.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, glowing but tired eyes staring right back at you. Taking a deep breath you tried to shake the nerves with a silly little body shake, then you smiled at yourself before heading into the bathroom to wash your face.

A knock on the door interrupted you mid-splash and you went to the door with a dripping face. “We’ve arrived!” your best friend Elouise or Eli for short exclaimed and hieved her whole baggage onto your bed. “What do you mean we?” you leaned your head out of the room and into the empty hallway. Just as you were about to close the door, feet pounded on the carpeted floor. “Sorry, sorry! Had to finish the call with hair and makeup.” Tris, your other best friend screamed through the halls, as she frantically came running towards you, phone clutched in one hand while the other held two dresses that flattered behind her.

You looked at her in amusement "Need a glass of water?" You chuckled at her heavy breathing and closed the door behind you.

"Oh yes please"

"Y/N you're so not ready...well lucky for you we are here. So hop hop go shower ma lady." Eli shushed you into the bathroom "and scrub every inch! I'll check if I have to!” You still heard their laughter as you get rid of your clothes and step into the shower. The warm water relaxed your muscles and your nerves immediately.

Several minutes later, now smelling like a goddess and wrapped into a soft white towel, you sat on the bed in your now crowded hotel room. While you were showering your nerves away, your dress, the hairdresser and makeup artist arrived.

“There she is!” greeted the makeup artist “Come sit down, we’ve got everything out and you and I already discussed your look. Are we still okay with it?”

“Yes, Carlos. But make everything as cry proof as possible okay?” you said laughing slightly.

“I also brought you a coffee and a croissant. I know you don’t usually eat something in the mornings but we don’t want you to faint now do we?” Tris held a tablet in front of her with several cups of coffees and something to eat. You took a cup gratefully, shooting her a quick thanks, holding the cup as Carlos started on your face and Melissa, the hairdresser started drying and styling your hair.

“Can I have my phone back?” You said to no one in particular.

“Nope, sorry.”

“Emi! What--It’s my phone!”

“I do know that. And you should know that Tris and I know you very well and you would’ve called or more likely face timed him by now and put a bad omen over the whole day.”

“Yeah. You and Charlie can’t be away from each other for long.” Tris acknowledged and sided with Emi.

“You’re just jealous that I’m in love.” You shot back with a smile and stuck your tongue out at your friends which in return gave you a growl from Carlos and Melissa who needed you to sit still.

After what felt like an eternity you were done and now it was time for your bridesmaids to get ready. They purposefully taped a piece of cloth over all mirrors so could only see yourself when you were 100% finished with getting ready.

Now that you had some time to actually think about today, your mind started to wander. Was Charlie ready by now or were there some complications? Tris did get a call earlier to then just run out of the room and come back 20 minutes later. What suit would he wear? Was he just as nervous as you? Totally unaware of how much time you passed, you were ripped out of your thoughts with a forceful swat on your shoulder.

“Miss Bride? It’s time to get the dress on.” Tris squealed.

You took a look at your best friends who looked absolutely stunning, at some time they got changed into their dresses. Emi smiled at you with a glossed lipped smile, her brown hair up in a bun while little strands of glitter strings framed her face. She wore a turquoise halter dress with some nude heels. Tris wore a bit of a darker turquoise strapless dress, her colourful hair falling straight over her shoulder. Both had simple makeup, a nude smokey eye with eyeliner.

Your eyes started to tear up. “Guys...you look absolutely stunning.” Emi walked over to you and embraced you in a hug. “We look really fudhing good but you’re gonna look even better. Now hop hop get undressed we have to lace up the dress.”

While your friends were working on lacing your dress up, you wondered out loud. “How much do we wanna bet that Owen lost the rings?” You chuckled and then yelled, “That's way too tight!”

“Oh Owen is so gonna lose the rings but we'll be fine. You’re gonna have rings or I'll run and get you some new ones.” Tris reassured you with a smile.

“Can I finally look at myself? I want to see if I look like a bride.” Emi and Tris shared a quick look before agreeing. Emi ripped the cloth away from the closest mirror. An audible gasp was all that was heard, everybody fixated on your reaction to yourself.

“I look like a real ass bride. I- oh my god… I look so good.” You coaxed out, trying not to cry, this got all a bit real too fast.

And you really did look amazing. Your open hair fell over your shoulders and ended right underneath your boob. It had a lot of volume and little glitter braids in it and Melissa had curled them to perfection so they framed your face perfectly. Your makeup was stunning as well, the reddish-brown and glittery smokey eye complementing your skin tone and eye colour. Carlos finished the look with a pinkish nude lipstick. You were glowing.

The cream coloured dress sat perfectly on your figure, the A-line cut highlighting your waist, the flowery lace flowing from the corset top down to your feet. The dress was poofy but not too much. You looked more like Sofie from Mamma Mia and less like Cinderella. You adjusted the straps and smiled at yourself.

“And I’m telling you, Charlie will bawl his eyes out when he sees you.” Emi patted your back and finished lacing up your dress. Tris couldn't contain herself anymore and let out a little sob “I’m sorry. You just look so gorgeous. I can’t believe you're getting married.” You pulled her into a hug.

“We don't have that much time anymore. the photographer should be here in five minutes to take your bridal pictures and pictures with the bridesmaids.”

The photo session went by quickly and you could tell that they turned out amazingly, by the way, Paul, the photographer, smiled at his screen. Megan, Charlie's sister and your other Bridesmaid came in at the last minute, due to the fact that she just flew in in the morning.

Then it was time for the first look. At first, you weren't sure if you should do this or if it would be better if the first look would be at the ceremony itself. You thought it would be funny to send Tris to the first look instead of you. So you, Megan and Emi sat in the hotel room waiting patiently.

The door opened “You two are really made for each other.” Tris came back in with a huge smile on her face. “Why? What happened?” You asked, the nervousness in your voice was evident. “Was he mad?”. She started to laugh “No absolutely not because he had the same idea as you and sent Owen.”

The room erupted in laughter “Oh no he didn't!” “Of course he did”

The next couple of hours flew by so quickly. You got to the venue. Your parents came by to say hello to you and to shed some tears. They also told you that most of the guests have arrived and everybody is waiting excitedly.

Finally, it was time. You nervously cracked your fingers, as you waited for all the guests to take a seat, the closed door in front of you the only thing shielding you from your fiance, your dad standing beside you in a suit.

“Nervous?” he asked you with a slight smile, you could tell that he was trying hard not to cry.

“Very. But I’m telling you if he doesn't cry I'll turn around and we gotta try again.” you joked.

“Oh my dear...he will.” he quickly took a look at his watch and then linked his arm with yours.

“Ready?” you shot him a smile and nodded “As ready as I'll ever be.”

The outside speakers started to play the instrumental version of Cherry Wine by Hozier and the doors opened.

It was mid-May and you and Charlie decided on an Outside wedding. After searching for a great venue you finally found one. It was an old brick house with a small colonnade of bushes in the garden. It was absolutely perfect but you didn't even look at the decorations because as soon as your eyes met his, the world stood still.

He stood at the front of the colonnade where some candles burned beside him. He wore a forest green tuxedo and that dashing smile of his. The closer you got, the more you saw how much he was crying and all you wanted to do is hug him and wipe the tears away. Your cheeks hurt from all the smiling but you couldn't stop, some tears of your own spilling out of the corners of your eyes.

You kissed your dad on the cheek and let him sit down in the front row, your eyes only momentarily leaving Charlies. “Hi, handsome.” You smiled up at him and instinctively used your thumb to wipe away some tears. “Did you cut your hair?” you asked, nodding to his now chin-length hair (think October Charlie) He grabbed your hands in his and kissed your knuckles while slightly nodding his head “You look...just wow,” he whispered so that only you could hear. You just wanted to give him a compliment when the officiant interrupted you.

“Now it's getting serious.” you said while he said “No backing out.” with a wink.

“The couple standing in front of me met at the young age of 18 in the middle of the street. Y/N bumped into Charlie here and practically fell for him right there and then. She shot him a quick sorry and went her way but the universe knew that these two needed to be together so the next day he bumped into her, totally accidental of course.” the crowd laughed and you and Charlie beamed at each other. “Sadly for Y/N that day she carried an expensive Cake that flew to the other side of the pavement. Charlie felt so bad that he promptly invited her to the next bakery where they got a cup of coffee and a new cake. Today we’re gathered here today to celebrate that love.”

“I believe that the two of you wrote your own vows? Y/N would you like to start?” You nodded and turned around to take a piece of paper from Emi who stood behind you, already missing the warmth of his hands in yours.

“Charlie, you know I’m not very good with words so I really struggled to write this, but here we are standing in front of your family and friends to share our love. I knew I loved you…” your voice wavered and you let out a sob “sorry...I knew I loved you in the first week that we’ve met. We sat on a bench in the little park right around the corner from where we met. You were late and totally out of breath when you arrived. You apologized like crazy but I didn't care, you don't know this but I had a really shitty day that day and just seeing you made it all worth it. That smile of yours knocked me off my feet completely.

From that day on I only loved you more and more. I love the way you try to wake up every day with a smile. The way you always seem to have so much energy and that you try to share that energy and love with the whole world. I love waking up in your arms because they feel like home and I miss you like crazy when I don't see you for a day.

I never really believed in love at first sight before I met you and I’m so glad that you ruined my cake. I promise to try and make you smile at least twice a day, to listen and care for you, to dance with you in the kitchen while our pizza is in the oven. I also promise to try your questionable food combinations at least once every time.

I can’t promise you that we won't fight or that we won't have our ups and downs but I will promise that we’ll work it out, that we’re not going to bed with grudges, to talk about our problems and thoughts and to always make up. I promise to be your partner in crime and to take all the blame if we ever get caught and lastly, and most importantly...

I promise to love you more and more until my heart stops beating, even when the day comes that we're old and grey, I promise to always see you with the same eyes and the same heart that I see you with at this exact moment.” You took a deep breath to try and stop your sobbing. Now it was Charlie's turn to wipe away some tears.

“Baby, don’t cry your makeup will get ruined.” he joked and you let out a small laugh. “Charlie, I believe now it's your turn to speak your vow.”

He took a shaky breath in before taking a folded piece of paper from the inside of his tuxedo pocket. “I want to start off with a simple I love you. I love the way you still give me butterflies every time I see you. I love the way you care not only for me but for everyone around you. I love the way you're patient with me. I love how much you're willing to try new things with me to make me happy because you really didn't like swimming with sharks. I admire how hard you work to help others and above all, I love how you love me.

It's in the way you look at me with such patience and compassion, the way you listen to me even if I'm rambling on, the way you push me to try harder even when I feel like I've done enough. You love me without judgment and chose to see the beauty in my flaws. Today, I want to make promises to you that I will always keep. I promise to love you back forever and harder each day. I promise never to get angry at you for making honest mistakes, even if I asked you to turn the lights off every night for the past week...

I promise to never stop holding your hand or give you a goodbye kiss. I promise to walk through life, as your biggest fan, your shoulder to lean on, and your best friend and I vow to stay silly, to never take ourselves too seriously, and stay just immature enough for cake and breakfast for dinner.

You're my soldier, my lover and above all, my best friend and I'm so excited to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Both of you were grinning and crying like idiots. “Now can we have the rings please?” the officiant asked the crowd and a teary-eyed Owen stepped forward the rings clutched in his hands.

“Thank you.” the officiant gave each of you a ring. “Do you Y/N Y/L/ want to take this man as your husband in sickness and in health?”

“I do.” You smiled up at Charlie and slid the ring on his left ring finger. “Oh good it fits,” you murmured and made him chuckle.

“And do you Charlie Gillespie want to take this woman as your wife in sickness and in health?”

“I do.” He grinned widely and also slid the ring on your left hand.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. Charlie, you may kiss the bride.” Your lips locked with his and you couldn't be happier. Your hands found their way into his hair while his hands gripped your waist. His lips were soft and warm and you missed them dearly in the night the two of you were apart. The crowd cheered when he dipped you.

“I present to you for the first time Mr and Mrs Gillespie!”

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

songs that make me think of vampy and why

this is for drea and leyla ONLY thank u

daylight- taylor swift "i don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you, i don't wanna think of anything else now that i thought of you" bc vampy loves her so much he only wants her 😔 midnight love- girl in red "I know I'm the last one you try to call but I always give in to give you it all" "your silver is my gold" bc miss chiropractor treated him terribly but he loved her with everything and would have gone back to her no matter what watch you sleep- girl in red this one is obvious: bc vampy watches bloodbag sleep :) also "the scar on your spine, you fell off a roof when you were nine" is all appreciating the tiny details about someone and that is definitely something vampy would do :( paper rings: taylor swift "i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this" line without a hook- ricky montgomery "oh baby i am a wreck when i'm without you" bc vampy loves bloodbag so much he just wants to be with her always 😔 dead girl in the pool- girl in red this one is kinda weird but i feel like bloodbag is gonna die at some point and then vampy will just be like "theres a dead girl in the pool (or wherever her corpse is laying slfjskldfjkldsj) i don't know what to do" and then he's gonna make this face

bad habits- ed sheeran bc he was just slutting around before he met bloodbag demons- imagine dragons dont make fun of me for this I KNOW but fr it's vampy renegade- taylor swift "you wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody" he needs bloodbag 😔 starting line- luke hemmings i can't really explain this one but it's like how you always talk about how his happiness is overshadowed by the fact that he's a monster or whatever million dollar bills - lorde "theres nothing i want but money and time" and vampy has literally all the money and time :) solar power- lorde this is harrys hot girl anthem idk happiness- taylor swift "there'll be happiness after you, but there was happiness because of you" this is him reminiscing on miss chiropractor i wanna get better-bleachers "i didn't know i was lonely til i saw your face" "I didn't know i was broken til i wanted to change" come on 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 good 4 u - olivia rodrigo this is his fuck u song for miss chiropractor my tears ricochet- taylor swift "if i'm dead to you why are you at the wake" it's ironic innit 😌 what a feeling- one direction "what a feeling to be right here beside you now, holding you in my arms" please 😔 "everybody needs someone around" 😔😔😔 "but i can't hold you too close now" bc he has severe attachment and commitment issues :) all you had to do was stay- taylor swift "had me in the palm of your hand, then, why'd you have to go and lock me out when i let you in" omg miss chiropractor really hurt him 😔 king of my heart- taylor swift "and all at once you are the one i have been waiting for" bloodbag @ vampy 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 cruel summer- taylor swift "I love you ain't that the worst thing you ever heard" bc he knows getting close to bloodbag will ultimately only lead to pain for everyone involved "i don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you" bc he can't tell bloodbag everything about him even tho he probably wants to :( thank u next- arianna grande this is weird BUT if miss chiropractor hadn't fucked him up so much he never would have met bloodbag tear in my heart- 21 pilots again don't make fun of me for this I HAVE AN EXPLANATION "you fell asleep in my car i drove the whole time but that's okay i'll just avoid the holes so you sleep fine" if bloodbag fell asleep in his car he would definitely do this :( shape of you-ed sheeran "now my bedsheets smell like you" his room probably smells like honey and lavender all the time now and he's probably foaming at the mouth constantly cowboy in LA "let's skip the club, lets skip the crowd, i wanna take you on a date" bc they both hate clubs!!!!! "I'll hold your hand I'll hold the door bc that's how i was raised" he's a gentleman 😔😔😔😔 & burn- billie eilish "i'll sit and watch your car burn with the fire that you started in me, but you never came back to ask it out" idk for some reason this has vampy and miss chiropractor vibes take me to church- hozier religious trauma babes 🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼 speechless- dan+shay "i'm speechless, staring at you standing there in that dress" love 😔 yours- russel dickerson "i came to life when i first kissed you, the best me has his arms around you, you make me better than i was before, thank god i'm yours" SCREAMING AND CRYING AND SHAKING tolerate it- taylor swift "i know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it" MISS ******** DIDN"T APPRECIATE OR CELEBRATE HIS LOVE MIA- anarbor "thinking about my life and everything i did wrong along the way"😔 lay low- josh turner for when bloodbag and vampy go to a cabin in the woods for a week and just love each other 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 who can save me now- anarbor "you stabbed me in the back" this one is pretty literal LSKFJLKSJFLKDSJ "you could have at least been kind enough to let me turn around" ouch 😔 dopamine- anarbor "i'm hooked on your dopamine" vampy and bloodbag ugh lie to me- 5sos this give me vampy and ******** vibes "i wish we never met, cause you're too hard to forget" "while i'm cleaning up your mess i know he's taking

off your dress" bc she probably cheated on him while they were together 😔 and he would have stayed with her if she told him she loved him, even if he knew it was a lie 😔 cotton candy- yungblud it's just a happy song with good vibes like bloodbag and vampy currently have :) small talk- niall horan i don't even have to say anything here pillowtalk- zayn "so we'll piss off the neighbors" chappy 9 vibes dancing with our hands tied- taylor swift "i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us" vampy rn 😔 once in a lifetime- one direction vampy will live a million lifetimes but he will only ever have one bloodbag 😔 holy ground- taylor swift "tonight i'm gonna dance for all that we've been through but I don't wanna dance if i'm not dancing with you" they've come so far omg 😔 since we're alone- niall horan "you can show me your heart, if you put it all in my hands no i swear no i won't break it apart" crying if i could fly- one direction "for your eyes only i'll show you my heart" rollercoaster- bleachers again i can't explain it but it makes me think of him 😔 so long- niall horan "so if we knew all along why did it take so long" good question bestie current location- LANY "i need your current location to be my current location" they're idiots in love and want to be together all the time 😔 why dont we go there- one direction "hey i don't want you to be the one that got away i wanna get addicted to you you're rushing through my mind i wanna feel the high i wanna be addicted" well hes already addicted to her blood so might as well like you lots- LANY bc they both have issues and can't say love lmao too much to ask- niall horan vampy though wanting love was too much to ask of miss chiropractor 😔 walking in the wind- one direction this one just has his vibes man 😔 heartbeat- carrie underwood "dancing to the rhythm of your heartbeat" bc vampy is obsessed with listening to bloodbag's heart (fan behavior if you ask me) idfc- blackbear this is vampy and ******** bc "tell me that you love me even if it's fake" city of angels- 24kgoldn "i sold my soul to the devil for designer" yes this made me laugh the woods- olivver the kid "waking up in the middle of the woods" "don't you wanna get out of here, out of the woods" flashback to when he was dead in the woods oop "you brought me down to the river, and you pushed me in, hoping that the white rapids would challenge my ability to swim" bc... she's a murderer omg this verse is talking about leaves and i'm freaking out it fits 100% this is crazy "You pick up two handfuls You tell me they're all dried up & dead You know that's nothing like us We'll live forever instead" just a little bit of your heart- ariana grande vampy bc he loves so deeply and completely that he will give all of himself to someone even if they won't do the same my strange addiction- billie eilish bc he is addicted to her blood :) cross your mind- niall horan this is vampy and ******** "love the way you hurt me and it doesn't even cross your mind" "leaving me in pieces (literally lmao) but i swear it's worth it every time" everywhere- niall horan that scene where vampy smelled some perfume or soap or something and it made him think of bloodbag 😔 everything makes him think of her now 😔 "swear it's hard to think it's hard to breathe when you're in the air" put a little love on me- niall horan "you're the only one i need" 😔 bend the rules- niall horan VAMPY AND ******** ALL THE WAY "i'm not saying that you're lying but you're leaving out the truth" heartbreak weather- niall horan "all of my life i've been sleepwalk living, running around the same bars i've been in, it can be so lonely in this city, but it feels different when you're with me" bloodbag and vampy 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 mr loverman- ricky montgomery "i miss my lover man" vampy is probably dramatic like this all the time now that they're official 😔 bad blood- taylor swift again, just for the irony 😌 vapor- 5sos "i want to breathe you in like a vapor i want to be the one you remember i want to feel

your love like the weather all over me" they're so in love like this 😔 catch fire- 5sos "all my life i've been waiting for moments to come" he's been waiting for bloodbag his entire life 😔 beside you-5sos "i wish i was beside you" they want to be together all the time 😔 black and white- niall horan "that first night i was standing at your door fumbling for your keys then i kissed you" ARE YOU KIDDING ME not in the same way- 5sos this is vampy and ******** just bc they were so toxic lkfjskldfjsdlkjf lonely heart-5sos "and i haven't slept in days" lmao ghost of you-5sos "my feet dont dance like they did with you" thinking about when vampy danced for bloodbag and what if they break up 👁️👁️ why wont you love me- 5sos vampy at ******** 😔 he just wanted to be loved 😔😔😔😔😔 fool's gold- one direction "i let you use me from the day that we first met" "i know your love's not real, but that's not the way it feels" STOP IM SAD last first kiss- one direction "let me be your last first kiss" i want them to be together forever 😔 truly madly deeply- one direction "foolishly completely falling and somehow you kicked all my walls in" bloodbag really snuck into his heart huh 😔 fireproof -one direction "nobody saves me baby the way you do" ugh 😔 long story short-taylor swift "clung to the nearest lips long story short it was the wrong guy" (or in vampy's case the wrong vampire) gold rush-taylor swift "and the coastal town we run around has never seen a love as pure as it" bloodbag and vampy are all i want 😔 no judgement- niall horan bc vampy would never judge bloodbag 😔 daddy issues- the neighborhood again im not even gonna say anything here new angel- niall horan "the touch of someone else to save me from myself" this is vampy 😔 god is a woman- ariana grande vampy after he brought bloodbag home the first time something like this- the chainsmokers "just something i can turn to, somebody i can kiss" ALL VAMPY WANTS IS LOVE sweater weather- the neighborhood idk this song makes me think of him all of me- john legend "all of me loves all of you all your curves and all your edges all your perfect imperfections" KSFLKSDJFKLDJSFLJSDKLFJDSKL i like me better- lauv "i like me better when i'm with you" she makes him a better person 😔 sex- eden "oh no, i think i'm catching feelings" vampy when bloodbag went on a date with someone else half a heart- one direction bc bloodbag completes him 😔 theyre so disgusting 😔 only angel- harry styles "turns out she's a devil in between the sheets" woman- harry styles vampy when she was on a date with someone else bc hes a jealous moron temporary fix- one direction this has chappy 1-2 vibes a.m.-one direction when they first started falling in love and he wanted to be with her more often 😔 something great- one direction "i want you here with me like how i pictured it so i don't have to keep imagining" through the dark- one direction just all of this song 😔 happily- one direction "you know i wanna be the one who holds you when you sleep i just want it to be you and i forever" 😔 electric love- borns "i can't let you go now that i got it" canyon moon- harry styles they're just happy like this rn 😔 sunflower vol. 6- harry styles "kiss in the kitchen like it's a dancefloor" "mouth full of toothpaste" when they brushed their teeth together 😔 adore you- harry styles obviously

[zet-sway]

@the-wip-project day 90:

This question is about the Heroine's Journey. Let me start by saying thank you for putting this out there because a lot of us want more women protagonists in the world.

However, I'm going to use today as a free exercise.

I've written a lot about a nameless individual who caused me a lot of pain.

Well, I met a counter to that person. Someone who pulled me out of that tragic headspace by doing nothing but being a good friend. He helped me re-learn what a healthy, close friendship with boundaries looks like. Even though we never talk about ~*~*-!feelings!-~*~ the way I did with the friend I lost, I feel a deep and powerful sense of gratitude toward this person.

I like to write the moments that feel like poetry. I'm inspired by the times in my life where I felt like I was touched by something special. Most of these moments have been during mundane, everyday things. This is one of those times. More context to follow.

Lyrics are from Soldier's Eyes by Jack Savoretti. The song is very central to this writing moment.

The below could be considered very, very mild spoilers for the game Days Gone.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It's a lazy weekend morning, and like always, I'm watching him play and listening to him talk. I can't remember what he's saying but I'm sprawled out on my couch watching my computer screen from across the room - because for whatever reason I can't stream discord to my Chromecast.

Lately I've been wondering what's been going on

It's what we always do. Sometimes in silence and sometimes deep in conversation but always together. I think this makes him happy - he wouldn't be doing it after these years if it didn't, right?

I've been here before but I don't remember when

When we met, I was slow to trust. I'd learned that men who talk to me for no reason always have an ulterior motive. And here's this guy, with a conspicuous accent I can't place, texting me on a Saturday morning like it's nothing: "I'm in discord if you wanna talk about butts."

That's our thing. There's a gaggle of us that met by happenstance online. We talk about the kind of stuff that makes middle-schoolers laugh. It's immature and perfect in it's levity. All of them are flawed and it's likely none of us will know each other forever, but we weave in and out of life's responsibilities to talk about "divide my cheeks" and other stupid shit.

Eventually I learn they do want something from me - friendship. Normal human companionship and respect.

And every time we get to where we're entering

I feel my beliefs and hopes surrendering

But sometimes - a lot of times, actually - it's just me and him. And he'll play and I'll watch. He loves video games, probably more than even I do. Maybe even more than anyone I've ever met. And today he's playing Days Gone.

We're about a week into it. The most heartwarming thing is sometimes he holds off progressing in his own time so I don't miss what comes next. And I'm glad I'm not missing this.

But I know, I'll be coming home soon

Deacon, the main character, is a man learning how to get by in a changed world. In this moment he's offering comfort in the best way he knows how to his sick friend while they drive to get him help. His companion Boozer might be his only remaining friend. They grit their way through the uncertainty on Deacon's motorcycle.

On discord, silence falls between us so we can both appreciate the moment unfolding.

"Do you know why we do this?" Deacon asks.

His companion, Boozer, dazedly responds with a simple "No."

"Because what the hell else are we gonna do?"

Yes I know, I'll be coming home soon

The music kicks in. Just like that, I'm transported.

I'm back at the farm. Back in during simpler times when my only responsibilities were showing up for work and planning my wedding. Back when I listened to Hozier while driving by green fields on quiet roads, wondering if 200k miles was enough to justify getting a new car, dreaming of where life could take me. Those days when the place I called home was so beautiful I used to whisper "goodbye" to the flowers every night because I knew one day I would leave and the longing would never stop.

Something in that acoustic melody takes me straight back there. Sprawled on my couch and capturing the lyrics in my mind to google them later.

I pass my quiet revelation to my friend, knowing he has enough context to know what I'm talking about even if he doesn't understand the feeling. And the silence stretches on until Deacon and Boozer arrive at their destination and the moment is over.

My friend doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve like I do, but I've spent enough time with him to know he's in contemplation just like I am.

Neither of us speak for a while. And that's okay. In the silence, my thoughts thank him for his kindness.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I was totally and pleasantly shocked to learn the song that soundtracked this simple moment was by Jack Savoretti. I know only one other song by this artist, and it's very special to me. It's called Home, and it makes me think of my husband.

It reminds me of when someone tried to tear us apart, and my resolve to not let that happen. It reminds me of when my parents fought me over his "priorities" and his "work ethic" and all the ways they had not yet seen his growth, his determination, his strength and patience. It reminds me of the years we spent only being able to see each other on the weekends and the home and workplace I left to start my life with him.

Help me stand, help me rise

I can't bear the changing tides

This is the road we chose to take

No regrets and no mistakes

What's striking is the parallels. "Home" and "Soldier's Eyes." The friend I lost, and the friend who loves video games. The moments I shared, with each of these people respectively, while we listened to these songs. The same moment with different music, different people, at different times. This lazy morning was like a special confirmation that I made it through, and I'm on the right track.

Here's the scene on YouTube:

[adarkmaan]

Movement.

Klaroline Bingo by @klaroline-events

Promp: Crown.

Because just having heirs is not enough. Building an empire gives a new concept to power.

Inspired Movement by Hozier.

AO3

“If you want to be the king of this city, it is not enough to act like a king.

  You must be the king and there can be no doubt, your allies must be as strong as you. Even if we talk about your right hands.

  Because doubts cause chaos and madness, that's why we try to have everything under control, anyway, my Queen would not allow it and she likes to keep everything under control.

 Oh, by the way… now that I talk about it, I know you couldn't know much about what happened while you were… well… weakening here. ”

 

 He approached the body lying on the sweat-soaked floor as he offered her a warm look.

 “I had that conversation with Elijah again about this miracle baby, you know how everything has changed since she came here. And I thought this is not only a great opportunity to have a family… why only want that when I can build an empire. And it gave me chills because I thought at one point that I was going back to Europe in the 15th century. ”

 

 " You got married?" He was able to ask barely feeling his throat burn in the process, the dehydration process tortured him more and more.

 Unable to help it a wry smile appeared on Klaus's face remembering that moment and slightly moving his hand out of his big coat, admiring now the piece of metal around his finger.

 

 "If only you could have been there, there were over 1500 guests, all friends and some onlookers from around the world gathered in St Louis Church, it was a surprise even to Caroline that none were surprised when the toast cocktail turned out to be thicker and redder than usual ”A wide smile appeared on his lips releasing a couple of sighs while he was shaking his head, as if he still couldn't believe it. "It was just us and our people ... people like us" At the end he mentioned with some overwhelm.

 

 "You sound very compelling"

 

 "I'm a happy man, if that's what you mean. I used to think that we should not feel, or that nothing should matter to us, she made sure that for some reason I had the desire to feel beyond what even I allowed myself. "

 

 "It will be interesting to be able to lower all your reign"

 

 "Please, I bet you to try. I just have to mention that she's very involved in this and I'm sure you don't want to make her mad, believe me, I almost got in trouble for distracting her a couple of hours before our big dance."

 

 

 "Klaus ..."

 

 Caroline complained releasing a small gasp that her lips were forcing to hold, the older had taken care to go down with wet kisses down the length of her throat, had lost a bit of rhythm when he quickly hit her against one of the walls causing her to lose balancing and banging her head back, ruining her hairstyle a bit. With a small smile now appearing on her lips when she felt him pass his lips through the latent vein in her neck, she stood still waiting for that moment.

 Slowly she clung to him as the stranger kept sinking her fangs and in turn felt the venom run through her veins with no effect other than making him sob at the depth it took to take his blood. He stroked part of the nape of his neck with both hands, holding both of them to his cheeks while his raised left leg kept him close to her hip, accommodating him. Revealing how perfectly he was surrounded by the layers of fabric of the young vampire's wedding dress while his hands mischievously took care of distracting her with light touches inside her thighs.

 

 Once he could find the strength to break away from her, he quickly sucked on the wound that closed before staring at her.

 "They didn't call us an hour ago when I asked them." She mentioned in clear complaint but without any reason to move further.

 "I'm sure they thought not to disturb us"

 The girl stared at the original in front of her before opening her mouth wordlessly.

 "Did they ...?" She wanted to understand the situation. Caroline was completely silent as she felt internally embarrassed trying to listen to a guest attentive enough to them to continue talking.

 

 "You mentioned that you wanted the perfect wedding, of course we were not going to hire regular people with 15 years of experience in this when I have friends who have even participated in the first royal weddings since Carlos V."

 "Klaus!"

 "We are on time for our dance and so on, I would not let you miss any moment of our night ..." He parted ways with her wife so she could get ready before heading out to the grand ceremony again.

 Watching how she finally managed to get rid of her bun and drop her long waves of hair over her shoulders, just beautiful.

 "Many here have not come just because I allowed them to enter, they are here so that tomorrow the rumor that has been running for months is confirmed. Finally The Big Bad Wolf has found its queen. To his equal.

 You deserve more than this title, but for now the Mikaelson crown is yours forever and ever. ”

Caroline gave him a soft look, the kind that had become comunned between them after they had admitted something in depth.

 She had not planned to disappear in the middle of her ceremony, but after the exchange of blood they made in the champagne glasses only to take them with her arms crossed as the traditional pose required, she had left her with that feeling she had since she met his now husband.

 

 "Don’t make them wait long��

 

 She said triumphantly coming out of the original hybrid grip to show again how that beautiful long-tailed dress danced under his nose was she wearing.

[bi-bard]

But After All You've Done, I Never Changed My Mind - Barry Allen Imagine [The Flash]

Title: But After All You've Done, I Never Changed My Mind

Pairing: Barry Allen X Reader

Based On: My Love Will Never Die [can't find an official version to link]

Word Count: 934 words

Warning(s): mention of criminal activity

Summary: (Y/n) knew that Barry took a massive chance on them when he trusted them to turn themself around and help people. When they fall into old ways, they believe that they've screwed up every chance they have to lead a better life. Barry shows them just how wrong they are.

Author's Note: Y'all, that trailer dropped, and I knew that I had to get this shit done.

HOZIER [2014] WRITING CHALLENGE MASTERLIST

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I was growing very tired of the inside of the cells in Star Labs.

I was tired of the blue. I was tired of hearing the other meta-humans throwing tantrums. I was tired of being in the basement of some random lab.

And, most importantly, I was tired of knowing that I put myself here after I had a chance to get myself away from it all.

I had resigned myself to lying on my side facing the wall.

"I can feel you staring," I called out to the person there. I hated the feeling of eyes on me when I wasn't in control of the situation.

"Can't help it. I always stare at you."

I quickly sat up and turned toward the glass.

Barry was standing on the other side of the glass.

I had done a lot of bad things in my life. What I did to Barry hurt the most.

He was the reason that Team Flash ever trusted me to help them. He stood up for me, helped me, trusted me. After all that I had done, he trusted me.

He kissed me. I thought about that a lot. It was so... nice. I didn't get a lot of nice things like that.

And then, at the first chance of anxiety, I found myself running back to what I knew before. I worked with the same boss doing the same shit that got me caught by Team Flash in the first place.

I abandoned Barry and the team because I got too scared about how I felt and if I was going to screw everything up.

I had already given up hope that I would ever be forgiven before they caught me again.

"I didn't think you'd want to see me," I said.

"I've been looking for you for months," Barry replied.

I ran my hand over my face.

"Why did you leave?"

"Not quite cut out to be a hero. Much better on the other side."

"That's crap and you know it."

I rolled my eyes. "Barry, stop-"

"Tell me the truth," he stopped closer to the door. "Why did you leave? What happened? What did we do? What did I do?"

"I am a villain, Barry. That's it. You can't change who I am. What you were doing was fighting against the inevitable. Even now. You want me to be something different. Face it, I will continue making the same damn mistake. Give up. It'll be easier that way."

There was a pause.

"Did you love me," he asked.

My heart stopped. I looked away again.

"(Y/n). Did you love me?"

"Stop-"

"Because I loved you. I still love you. I am so in love with you that I spent months looking for you. I didn't want to catch you. I just wanted to see you."

I closed my eyes.

I looked back at him when the door to the cell started to open.

"You can go," he said once the door was fully open. "Walk out of here. I won't try to stop or fight you. Walk out the door, and I'll stop trying."

I suddenly wished that the door would close again. I didn't want to be in charge of this choice. It scared me. Oh God, I was so in love with him that this choice scared me.

"But know that it's because I love you... not because I would ever give up on you," he continued. "I love you enough to let you leave if that's what you want."

I slowly stepped forward, out of the cage.

I stopped just in front of Barry. He looked at me with this soft look that I was certain was going to make my heart explode. He was my entire world. How was I supposed to walk away from that?

I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. I reached out and grabbed his sides, pulling him closer to me. His hands touched my back. I could never let this go. All I wanted was to feel like this forever.

I pulled back slowly.

I basically spoke against his lips, "I love you too, Barry."

He seemed to bite back his smile. He thought that there was a chance that I was going to leave still.

"I want to stay," I muttered as I stepped back fully. "But I can't work here. Not again."

"Why," he asked.

"It's too close, Barry. Too close to... that."

He furrowed his eyebrows, looking ready to argue about it.

"I'm not comparing you to them, I promise," I continued. "I just... I need something that isn't connected to it at all. I need time away from meta-human fights and saving the city and... all of it. I don't trust myself."

I was scared that my confession would change something.

I froze when Barry leaned in and kissed me again. I slowly kissed him back, grinning against his lips. He pulled away this time, smiling at me fully.

"I don't care about you working with us," he said. "I just want you."

I smiled back at him.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

There was a pause before he spoke up again, "Do you wanna go to dinner now?"

I laughed and leaned forward, touching my forehead to his collarbone. "I would rather go lay down somewhere that's more comfortable than the floor."

"I think I can arrange that," he replied.

"Thank you," I moved my head to look at him. "For everything."

"You're welcome."

And this felt like a much better step forward than I had ever taken before.

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