#i didnt know i'd have so much to say on this subject

[huellitaa]

girl's guide to academic success: part 1 ⊹˚. ♡

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ organisation

first off, have something to organise ur academic life with! i personally use notion (which i'll add later) but u can use anything as long as it's cute, convenient, unique and accessible to you, your life and your schedule specifically. especially as a visual learner, i like to have somewhere i can dump literally everything regarding a singular area in my life, so i do this for almost everything along with school and i highly recommend this <3

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ recognition of talents & improvements

analyse your strengths and weaknesses. think back on tests, exams, marks, and analyse which ones you got highest and lowest on. dont beat urself up for it, obviously; it's just to check which subjects you're doing good in and which ones have room for improvement. for example i love science but im not the best at it sometimes and we had an assessment recently and i didn't get as high as i'd like so i wrote down a little list on a piece of paper in my pencilcase for the topics i got the least in for me to study on my own to practise later.

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ laying out goals

set down specific goals; i like to do this week by week accustomed to my schedule that week in my school notion page along with images and vision boards based on the term/semester, but you can do it for the week, the month, the year, anything as long as its helpful to you

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ productive planning

plan accordingly based on ur time energy. when creating any to do list or productivity plan dont pile a ridiculous amount onto it that just leaves you stressed and overwhelmed because that defeats the entire point; this works the same for academic plans and goals and lists etc.

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ extra credit

put extra work in to the subjects you know will help you in the future. for example, for my personal aspirations i need to excel in english, history and textiles so i always try my absolute hardest and put my all into those lessons and do extra studying for them in my free time where i can. school is to prepare you for the future so take advantage of that

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ asking questions

please don't be shy to ask questions! that's what teachers are there for and you won't have them forever so take advantage of it while you can! you can even do it in that little window of time just after class if ur too nervous to ask in class. for example, on my last english exam i went to my teacher after class and asked about what i needed to improve on to get the marks i missed next time, and he told me i added too much detail and some other things so i wrote it down and am keeping a note of it to remind me to improve on that next time! (i got top of my class though so i didnt mind. still kind of pissed i added too much detail though)

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ participation

participate! ok im saying this as someone who still struggles with social anxiety a fair amount but if u wanna get higher marks and get on good terms w ur teacher i 100% recommend this. i don't do this in every class but i do it where i can and when i'm confident in my answer, and it's really intimidating at first but what i did is i did it first in the classes i felt most comfortable on and continued from there. it gets easier every time i swear, and nobody's judging you; they'll forget about it after five minutes. plus, what would they be judging you for? being smarter than them?

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ prioritising ur health

this is mentioned a lot in these types of posts but if you're tired or burnt out or overworked or just feel like you need to take a break then do. do the best you can and compromise like i said earlier if you need to, just make sure u are prioritising yourself over anything. <3

inspo ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

my notion ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

i also really recommend this layout by @honeytonedhottie, she's amazing go follow her

lots of love! <3

[velnna]

What's Staeve's relationship with the other companions? Like Halsin, Wyll and Shadowheart? I adore your art and your Tav!

Okay so I was waiting to doodle something but huhhh the staeve x astarion brainrot keeps me from doodling him with the other companions much (HOWEVER I might later I love them all)

Halsin - comfort lover is how I'd put it? Halsin has his whole "I'm not going to keep you to myself" thing going on and Staeve fucks w that. It's like friends with benefits++. They both know what they have isn't on the same level as the Astarion bond but enjoy spending time together if he allows it + Staeve does appreciate the sort of stability and support Halsin can give as a friend (and a lover?)(Staeve has daddy issues). I definitely headcanon Staeve going to him in camp to ask for advice in how to deal with Astarion when he's being difficult to navigate

Wyll - Staeve would have been fascinated by Wyll at first. Initially he probed a lot and was very upfront teasing him because in his world there aren't a lot of righteous, kind people like Wyll. Staeve would have tried to bring out some hypothetical dark side only to be greeted with a dance (which he played along with as well). He did eventually reject Wyll's advances but secretly challenged himself to keep him as a friend. Might fail

Shadowheart - The sort of friends where he'd tease her because he thinks she secretly likes it (she maybe does?). He pressed the wrong buttons sometimes, but the fact that she reminds him of his estranged sister in some ways made him recoil and show a more understanding side. He can be caring if he stops being an idiot sometimes and she vibes w that (I say this because he's one Astarion Disapproves away from being most loved by Shadowheart lol)

Karlach - UNFORTUNATELY he's. Super awkward about Karlach. It went downhill fast after he (and I lol) realised that she doesn't really fuck with petty/sneaky shit, and though she doesn't show it, he doesn't really feel like he can push his luck with her. He's also probably just scared she'd beat him to a pulp. Didnt dare hug her just awkwardly patted her shoulder. That being said I do think he'd respect and admire her to an extent

Gale - Staeve finds Gale extremely amusing but is 100% playing him for magical perks and entertainment. He sorta maybe felt bad about it after Gale threw the buggy fit, so maaaaybe he'd keep him as one of those friends you keep around because they compliment the group, nothing too deeply personal.

Lae'zel - I honestly think they'd be good friends/allies but like an idiot I let her die in act 1 so I'm waiting for my rerun to see if I can tweak my canon

Also Staeve loves withers he sees him as the token grandpa. All of this subject to changes if my next run goes very differently (which it might because durge)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for the way I dated people in high school?

💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥 so i can find it later

I am like pretty sure I'm TA but I would like second opinions on this because a lot of factors are complicated and makes me wonder if i was 100% in the wrong or not.

When I was in high school (14-17NB) i had dated three people.

(I know for sure that I had been TA with my first girlfriend M because when we dated i liked her a lot but not enough to feel anything romantic and as soon as I realized I didn't like her as much as she liked me i broke it off to spare her any long term pain. We remained friends, but I think she and eventually my ex friends held some sort of resentment against me for being fickle.)

The main issues were with my second and third partners.

Firstly, I dated my second partner A (we were 15 then) out of pity because her ex treated her terribly. I didn't like her back, nor did i really pretend to, i just wanted to be the one to take care of her because it seemed that no one else in her life was looking out for her.

Then a mutual "friend" S (14M) told me she cheated on me. While I was not into A romantically I still felt betrayed for some reason I am not sure i understand even now. When i confronted her, she told me this mutual friend was unreliable and wanted to break us up. I believed this because S was a creep towards the both of us. (Later, S would stalk me for about 6 years but thats a different story).

But then A asked if we could have an open relationship, and I got upset but agreed because i was too much of an idiot to say no.

After more time, A and i grew apart and she started expressing interest in other people in front of me that i tried at every opportunity to break up with her because i was just over it. But everytime I'd almost bring up the subject she'd do something romantic and sweet to me and i felt like an asshole for wanting to break up with her, so i didn't. Eventually, I just updated my online profile to single to be done with it, which i know for sure was a dick move.

Later, A and I (both 17) met someone online named Y(19NB) who was nice enough, but i didn't feel anything romantic for. Instead, i was interested in another person named R(17M). But R didnt return my feelings and i felt really sad, so A pressured me into a relationship with Y and i agreed because I was still an idiot I guess.

I was still thinking about R, so A flirted with R to "get me to focus on Y". I will not say what exactly happened between them but it was horrible enough for me to feel deeply betrayed and hurt. Obviously, I could not focus on Y and because Y's friends were cyberbullying me and threatening my life because they assumed that I would naturally hurt Y's feelings due to my dating history that i just decided to be a massive dickhead and break it off with them shortly after.

When Y started to cry and everyone was calling me a villain for doing that I gave up and just let them assume the worst of me. (Later on it turned out that Y and all their cyberbullying friends were all accounts run by one person claiming to have DID but thats another story).

I still want a romantic relationship but I worry I'll mess it up for being fickle so I havent entered any since high school. I wouldn't do some of the things I did back then. I am much more honest now about rejecting people. I guess my fear of saying no was to blame. But I would like to know if I was in the wrong 100%.

So AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[halfusek]

What do you think about that new Bendy game coming out on the 14th?

hard to tell from how little there is

the trailer didnt really captivate me, but i guess its fair how much of a nothing there is considering the game will be free, so i'd expect something like batds - i did enjoy batds for what it was (maybe except for the final "reveal" about the collage which was uh. a giant nothing burger)

seems like this is leaning to the scp / found footage / analog horror territory, which ive gotta say im very sceptical about, at least personally to me they are often executed in an unsatisfying way but who knows maybe the devs who kept delivering a disappointment after a disappointment will surprise me

i do like the design of that thing that you can see clearer in the screenshots, im intriguied by the possibility of meeting a less messed up butcher gang character, and im especially excited about The House

seems like im not the only person reminded of the little barn allison painted on the wall we can see at the beginning of batim's chapter 5, i would love a tie in back to that (cuz it never really was tied back to and thats quite interesting why she'd paint something specific like that)

but i am begging them, i am getting on my knees - stop STOP copy pasting the bendy face png on everything, i promise the house doesnt need to have a giant bendy face, it looks sooooo out of place

speaking of overdoing things, mentions of 414 are starting to get a bit tasteless, especially that the number isn't really meaningful in-universe - yes i know that's henry's assigned subject number - but 414 really started as a joke from one of the developers which was picked up by theorists. that meaning was given by fans and it doesn't seem to have any satisfying origin in-universe. yes henry has the 414 subject number *now*. what does it refer to? there's a few theories (like we used to theorise about it waaay before batdr) but there's nothing that's really clearly stated. if it's just gonna be a number that appears cuz ooooo oooh look its a number you guys like isn't this fun like jiggling car keys in front of a baby that's gonna get old Pretty Fast. but maybe they are planning to give it a meaning, i'd be looking forward to it

i will give them that the game being officially developed by Gent Corporation is kind of funny

it seems like they're trying to alleviate responsibility for Whatever Horrors That Happened Really off of JDS shoulders (and joey's by extension) and put the blame on gent for being The freak evil corporation and im not sure how to feel about that (weeeeeell i do not like this direction the way it is looking now. i would have liked it more if it was executed differently)

my thoughts are that this is going to be a game that will not really answer any questions or will answer questions we didn't/wouldn't have but it will be more or less entertaining while we wait for the main course (the cage)

[pseudowho]

hiya 🙂 i love your nanamin fics and i followed you for them way back when you wrote the pregnant reader one (and I still think about it). thought id ask you cos you seem to answer questions like this pretty wisely 🥲

i started writing fics for a pretty niche character in a fandom (not jjk) a while back and a friend/moot started then too. this character doesnt have lots of readers and thats fine im just here for the writing.

but since then ive noticed my friend has stopped reblogging my fics even tho they did before and even tho they obvs read and reblog everyone elses fics for this character (there really arent many of us).

they also seem upset about notes/likes a lot of the time. but I know they read my fics because I see lots of the same word choices and styles show up in their fics the next time they post.

its upsetting me lot tbh. i still read, like/comment/rb fics i like and its starting to feel like they do it because they think i have more readers than they do and mb theyre jealous.

anyway i dunno if you think i should raise it with them or just leave it?? they dont talk to me much anymore either after I didnt rb one of their fics i didnt really love.

First of all, well done for starting to write, and writing for an 'unpopular' character too, it looks like it's hard having a niche audience in the Tumblr-sphere. I'm always really grateful when someone writes for a niche character I love, every fic is like finding a diamond!

Second of all: I'm really really sorry this is happening to you. It has happened and still happens to me, too.

Thirdly: While I'll give my thoughts on it straight after this, one truth is that the other person maybe simply doesn't like your writing, and there's nothing mean-spirited about it at all.

Saying this, in your case, there seem to be too many little factors that actually makes me think... 👇

I have Thoughts™️💬 about Toxic Tumblr Reblog Culture...

There is a little phenomenon I've noticed with a lot of fic writers, where they seem to stop reblogging the fics of others who they view as competition. Even if they often read and reblogged another writer's fics before they themselves started writing.

They seem to think that if they reblog the work of you, their "competitor", then your work will get more attention than theirs. It gets even worse the more 'popular' you get, sadly.

I understand, because it's hard to see someone reblog most other peoples' fics about a character, and then pointedly ignore yours. You're not mad for feeling targeted. It can feel this way.

Equally, there can be a cherry-picking of moots' work, and a high school clique attitude to reblogging. Do two or three people band together and constantly reblog each others' work, making a huge fuss whatever it is, but leave you out even though you've historically been part of the circle before? Again, it's not as uncommon as you think.

A real "if we become moots, that means I reblog all your stuff, and you reblog all my stuff" as an unspoken rule. While that might work nicely for some people, it can also foster an air of pressure or entitlement, or of reblogging things even if you didn't really like them, because they're your friend. While fostering growth and circulation in the art community should be celebrated, I'd hate to think someone reblogged my work out of obligation, as opposed to passion.

I've had followers who loved my stuff, always commented and reblogged etc, but when they started writing for the same characters themselves, just stopped. I've also noticed a lot of the things you mention (them using similar word choices, stylistic choices etc to mine, in their new fics).

So, you know they're there reading in the background, and it doesn't make sense that they liked your writing one day, then just stopped liking it overnight, right?

I don't often muse aloud about "controversial" subjects on Tumblr, but this one really gets me. It turns writing, an already isolating art, into an even more isolating "competition".

It's sad, really.

Saying that, I still read, comment, reblog all the work of theirs that I read and love! It feels petty and ridiculous, but try to be the person that you want to see in the community. They'd probably notice they still get just as many readers as before, and actually, will be forced to address that their writing may be less popular for another reason.

I have wonderful friends here who read and reblog any of my stuff they like, just as I do theirs. I made a post a little while back, r.e. always reblogging stuff just because you're moots, and I'm glad to say I don't have this strange entitled relationship with these friends. It's low pressure and really fun.

Reblog in the best spirit; reblog stuff you love, that you think is great, etc etc. Don't fall into bad intentions! It's meant to be fun. It's not high-stakes. What are people competing about? I feel really bad for you, OP, and I know what it feels like.

Jealousy in the Tumblr fic writer community is strong!

Hang in there baby. You're doing great.

-- Haitch xxx

[mamadarama]

spoilers for the matrix event kind of ?

so i read the translation today of the whole event and it's just unbelievably bad , I'm not sure if you had a chance to look through . and takashi who's basically a little hiiro but actually he's a child of producer rinne once had with god knows if their father or just someone from amagi family ? it feels like a really bad fanservice and I'd like to hear you thoughts if you read this . it's okay if no and you can't really comment on that but i couldn't keep silent so forgive my off topic ramble .

i hope you will have a good day or night

{major matrix spoilers}

i just read the story myself. its alright, not much worse than any of the others, just hard to follow because its all rinne being rinne. its not really that fanservicy imo, i thought id hate it more than i do . my biggest gripe is akiras choice of dialogue for aira . again. i really wish he would stop doing that but thats besides the point.

edit: i also wanted to add that the part where tatsumi and mayoi are worried about hiiro and aira and theyre like "theyll be fine theyre strong capable people" and it immediately cuts to aira screaming bloody murder absolutely sent me

heres a summary of the story from what ive gathered . this is a long one so ill put it under a read more

rinne set up an elaborate scheme to protect the privacy of his hometown. when rinne first went to the city he saw an unnamed idol that inspired him to become one himself. that idol retired and became a teacher at an all girls school (i wanna bet its kimisaki academy. thats unimportant to the story tho.), and his producer , akan, was left struggling until she met rinne and began producing him. unfortunately the job became too much for her and she began to crack under the pressure, and had to retire for her own health. rinne told her about his hometown, where she would be able to live out the rest of her life in peace. to ensure no one would go looking for her , they set up a plan— they pitched a fake mystery program where she would go investigate a phenomenon in the area of the village, and "disappear mysteriously". the footage would never be released because of the "incident", and as long as they didnt find her she would be declared dead after being missing for long enough, therefore closing the resulting missing person case and leaving her to be unbothered and truly leave her past behind and start over. while she was living in the village she met rinnes father, and they eventually got married and had a kid, takashi (its never mentioned that hes their kid, but rinne says his father wishes he could make takashi his heir instead of rinne, implying hes his son) . he looks like hiiro because the amagi family has strong genes (and also likely because the devs could repurpose kid hiiros live2d model). rinne noticed his fans were getting increasingly curious about his hometown and worried that the extra attention would eventually cause trouble for the people in his village, and by extension disrupt the peaceful life akan had built there. his solution was to "reveal" his hometown in a tv program and satisfy his fans curiosity so theyd drop the subject. but he couldnt just make a program for no reason, so he pitched the matrix event , part of which would be hosted at the "amagis village". he didnt want it to be a large scale event, so he contacted the retired idol akan used to produce and asked him to pose as akan to produce the event since he was the only other person to have known her well enough to impersonate her and capitalizing on the fact that no one remembered who akan is or what she looked like. anzu ended up getting involved and as a result it turned into a much bigger event than rinne intended for it to be . the "village" that the event was hosted in was actually the contact point for the actual village, a place that looked convincing enough but was really just used as a meeting point for the village to import resources from the city without exposing their real location. but of course in typical rinne fashion, he only reveals this to the rest of alkakurei at the very end, so everyone was just very confused the whole time. rinne also claims takashi is his and anzus kid at first, but no one believes him of course because that makes no sense.

tldr; rinne is worried that his fans are getting too curious about his hometown and might eventually lead to it being exposed, so he stages a fake reveal to satisfy his fans curiosity.

-----

i sorta like it. its not completely outlandish by enstars standards and it ties up a few loose ends about rinnes backstory (like what happened to his career as a solo idol before his duo unit with niki, why he became an idol, and who produced him before he met anzu) as well as further solidifying his character as someone who genuinely cares about the well being of others and will fight to protect them by any means necessary even if theyre not part of his life anymore .

[nijisanji-brain-rot-fics]

luxiem x reader || as fathers

a/n : YALL LIKE MY LUXIEM HCS MORE THAN MY OTHER ONES SO HERE U GO LMAO 😭 ill feed u guys some more luxiem content before mysta graduates [sobs louder]

SHU YAMINO

TYPICAL ASIAN DAD

but minus the yelling and stuff

hes just pretty damn strict but like he loves you all the same

if you get an A+ in maths, GOOD JOB, HE'LL TREAT YOU TO ICE CREAM [and maybe a magic show WWWW]

if you get a D-, he'll probably say something along the lines of : " try harder kiddo! you can get a higher mark next time! do you want me to help you study? "

he will definitely show up at all of your events and stuff like that to cheer you on

b a n a n a

omg he would accidentally get banned from ur school games bc he keeps helping you with his witchcraft stuff

LUCA KANESHIRO

OMG HES THE DAD THAT ALL YOUR CLASSMATES LOVE

hes the type to bring like the BEST FOOD during those potlucks ur school has

will panic if you bring math homework to him for help AJSHD

if he cant go to ur school events, HE WILL SO FIND A WAY TO GO, EVEN IF IT WAS JUST FOR A MOMENT

ur little sibling would deadass be a dog.

like no shit, this man would want a dog

and that dog is ur sibling

he and his mafia men would be the ones to raise you [FUCKING BONUS POINTS IF ONE OF HIS MEN IS A WOMAN AND SHE IS UR MOTHER FIGURE]

" oh, don't worry kid, you'll get it next time!! if you're ever feeling down, just know your dad thinks that you're pog! "

you dont know how to tell him that saying pog as a [however old he is] man is a little cringe, but you love him for it (IN A FAMILIAL WAY)

IKE EVELAND

a very chill dad when it comes to homework and grades

unless it was english

if you get a low score in english

THIS MANS IS RUTHLESS. HE WILL GET YOU TO READ. A LOT.

but if you get tired of it, he'll let it go

i feel like he'd be the parent who IS your teacher at school

oh boy, you should dread first day if he's your english teacher

" class, i'd like you all to know, im only fucking one of your mothers. " [all jokes LMAO he wouldnt embarrass you like that..... or would he?]

if you get a low score in any subjects or like if you flunk a test, he'll hug you and say:

" don't cry, you've made me proud already. i love you kiddo, and none of those test marks will change that. just tell me if you ever need help okay? i'm always happy to help you with those. "

MYSTA RIAS

BRO OMG HES THAT ONE DAD WITH INSANE SOCIAL MEDIA PRESENCE

SOMEHOW ALL YOUR FRIENDS FOLLOW HIM ON TWITTER??

the most laidback out of all the luxiem guys about homework

doesn't mind if you flunk it, as long as you did your hardest, it's a pass in his book

he cant physically help you with homework

its a british debuff /j

like he would stare at the pythagorean theorem and go 'uhm....'

HE WOULD HELP YOU WITH ALL YOUR FASHION DILEMMAS

there to listen to all the GODDAMN TEA!! like how dare jessica cheat on james like that with ryan??

dude is like the communal dad if any of ur friends dont have a father figure, he'll be there for them too

" oh you flunked your math test? it's alright!! you'll get it next time. they give you too much tests nowadays you guys are all probably burnt out... how about we watch a movie? your mind needs to destress. "

VOX AKUMA

SHAWTY HAS FLIRTED WITH YOUR TEACHERS MORE THAN ONCE

LIKE YOU GOTTA STOP HIM, HIS RIZZ IS TOO MUCH

also that one dad for some reason everyone likes

hes like pretty strict, but its because he wants the best for you

WOULD GET BANNED FROM TRYING TO GO TO UR SCHOOL GAMES BC HE GETS SO PISSED LMAO

" WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN THEY GET A FOUL?? THEY DIDNT EVEN HIT THE OTHER KID??? "

hes the demon you and ur friends would try to summon at sleepovers

" kid, please, i love you and all, but dad needs to fucking rest. please stop summoning me. "

AND YOUR FRIENDS WOULD SCREAM WWWW

anyways, hes pretty damn smart so hes gotchu covered when it comes to homework help

unless it was history.

history pisses the fuck out of this ancient man.

he will rant about how incorrect the history books are and you'll get nowhere with homework

" oh, darling, it's alright. i'm not disappointed in you and i won't be when it comes to homework. i get it, sometimes it's hard and you don't understand it, but that's when you ask for help, alright? i won't ever shame you for asking me for help. "

a/n : i hope yall r fed this took me 30 minutes to shit out and clean up also i think its obvious whos my favourite in luxiem LMAOO

[scoobydoodean]

pronoun amon here, i didnt phrase my first all well. i moreso wanted to just ask your general thoughts on dean, gender and identity.

i love your analysis posts so i was just wondering if you have any thoughts around dean and his relationship to masculinity and manhood.

(For context). Well, I bring a sort of "Wtf does femininity or masculinity or manhood even mean" vibe to the conversation that a lot of conservative christians where I live don't really like. So while I don't at all think that's where you’re coming from, to me gender identity and expression is something that is personal to each individual and so answering about how someone else who's rarely spoken about it perceives their own gender identity just turns my brain to confused static. Some fans with different experiences or expressions of their own gender will feel differently about what can be inferred, or may treat Dean's relationship to gender as an opportunity to explore themselves, and all of that is fine—Dean is fictional. For me, it's as simple as saying that Dean describes himself using he/him pronouns so that is also how I describe him. Whether he does or doesn't engage with some traditionally/socially "masculine" or "feminine" traits or activities is neither here nor there to me.

My only bit of related commentary is that I don't actually think Dean thinks about things in terms of "being a man" as much as some portions of fandom want to think so. The "gendered insults" schtick in portions of Supernatural is something that is often misattributed to be the sole work of Dean, but it's happening all of the time and actually happens to Dean more than it comes from him. It also happens completely in his absence. For example, in 4.22, Ruby tells Sam to "man up" when he starts to question the morality of kidnapping the nurse and drinking from her.

I know that you're having a tough time here, Sam, but we're in the final lap here. Now is not the time to grow a persqueeter.

Examples recently in mind for me are Alastair calling Dean "Daddy's little girl" (4.16) and Bobby addressing his discomfort with Dean sitting down with him and telling him how much he cares about him (even though Bobby appreciates it) by saying "Thanks. Now, we done feeling our feelings? 'Cause I'd like to get out of this room before we both start growing lady parts" (5.07). This isn't something I've been tracking, but @soft-pine (I hope it's okay to link again!) a while back linked at the end of this thread some google sheets counts they're doing of various subjects. If you go to the bottom and look at the tabs and scroll, you'll find one tab called "gender police ?" Showing how often gendered insults are used with the brothers and who's using them and on the receiving end of them most often.

You might also find this big long post about misogyny of some interest.

[daebelly]

serious

yknow what? i keep seeing my mutuals reblogging from this user and at this point letting people know individually is too much work. and i'm exhausted of having a panic attack every time i see their username.

if you follow the user razzdrgn i feel it's prudent to let you know that i lived with them for several months, during which they sexually assaulted me with a nonconsensual kiss on the forehead while apparently blackout high after jumping around and screaming for about an hour and ranting incomprehensibly about numbers and the nature of the universe.

during my time living with them i was subject to constant negging, especially about my cooking, forced to do almost all housework(the only exceptions being when i asked them to do it, after which they would invariably claim extreme exhaustion and noticeably sour their disposition towards me), clean the toilet almost every single day due to their poor hygiene, handle all of the cooking sans like three occasions, shouldered the cost for all groceries(and whatever luxuries they decided they needed to buy with my money without consulting me; they even memorized my debit card at the time's PIN number without my knowledge), and had to pull them out of a fit of suicidal rage after my plans to move in with my girlfriends was finalized while on vacation with my family several states over so i wouldn't lose access to my car and my legal documents, which they had insisted i didnt need to take with me on that vacation. and that's to say nothing of the physical and mental strain of being expected to wait on them hand and foot for two straight months after returning from that vacation.

even if their abuse was not conducted with intent, my time with them was incredibly traumatic and i am being reminded of it more and more often as my mutuals seem to be discovering their account.

please stop reblogging from them. i do not want you to harass them or anything--if i see or hear of you doing it, i will block you--i just want to stop seeing them on my dashboard. i have been content to act like nothing happened for months now and i'd like to go back to that. i do not want this to turn into a campaign. i just want to stop being hurt.

[glitchbirds]

i still really dont want to say much rn when im still in relative limbo and things are still up in the air, but because i have been internally buzzing about it for a few days-

last week i had a job interview for an internship at a place i have Badly wanted to work at for almost a year (and in fact it was a primary force behind me finally learning to drive last year and getting my license a couple months back), and not only did the interview go well it went Ridiculously well. we talked for well over an hour and most of it was just genuine conversation about her experiences and mine, and her recommending me books and archives on topics related to the internship that i'd expressed strong interest in (most of which were written by her friends/colleagues in the field- i also brought up a few things id already read and she talked about knowing their authors in the 80s/90s and anecdotes about them), and ive been pouring over and marveling at these the past few days...

idkkkk its just crazy. on dec 31st i was a bit morose about the fact that while id made a Lot of personal progress in 2023 i still hadnt seemed to get any closer to this goal; then this internship opened up days later, i applied asap, and now im practically guaranteed a slot, and while its still unpaid labor the interviewer was like... "i cant 100% guarantee you a job after this internship is over (understandable because the internship itself isnt designed that way and she hasnt seen my performance yet), but Hypothetically would you be interested, would you be willing to move closer to cut down on the commute and if so when would you be able to move, if you cant move any time soon that would be ok because some of our staff commute the same distance and its not ideal but works out for them," and that combined with the Glowingly Positive(?!) things she had to say about me and my related experience and my answers during the interview and etc its like.... im going to survive i think. im going to make it out of this pit ive been living in the past few years

like the worst case scenario right now would be her getting back to me in a week and saying whoops! nevermind we dont have any slots open / we decided we hate your vibes. but the former is unlikely because i applied to Both internships, and Both internships have a spring and summer version, and they usually only have lots of applicants in the summer (and thus plenty of room in the spring, which i indicated as my preference). and the latter is unlikely because. frankly i genuinely didnt think it was possible for a job interview to go as well as that one did. especially not an interview Wherein I Am The Subject Under Observation.

[swearyshera]

You have no idea how hands-shaking, looking-down-off-a-cliff scared I was to scroll down when Catra began to say sorry and got cut off. I had to take almost a full minute to brace myself cuz I was so afraid Glimmer would do the thing so many other protags have done where they just accept the apology for the sake of expediency or compassion or their own regrets or to focus on moving forward. Or to excuse away the apologizers actions as not their own because of manipulation or emotion. I've been waiting since Day One for this hoping it wouldn't be like those, especially considered canon didnt even attempt it and that left my love for this series feeling like it was missing a piece.

I could never expected it go this hard. Glimmer's grief and guilt and cold rage feels so tangible, and the sheer strength it feels like it took to both acknowledge and honestly deliver those feelings to Catra with no sugarcoating while not full-on attacking her with them and driving a wedge into the only refuge either of them have from Prime breaks my heart. Acknowledging Catra feels sorry but telling her flat out no apology or atonement could heal this, so if she feels sorry thats her own damn problem. A perfect interstice of emotional fortitude and frailty. I could never have dreamt of a moment this great.

Glimmer was always my fave in canon but this catapulted her into the fucking celestial firmament. The catharsis I'm feeling right now makes me feel like I could jump the goddamned moon. This moment alone is my favorite exploration of grief and forgiveness ive seen in a fandom like this since ATLA's The Southern Raiders. I cant wait to see your spin on the rest of this arc if its even a fraction this good. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this and for this project. Thank you.

This was such a hard scene to write. I'd had some ideas written down for this scene for quite a while, and we almost got a scene where they discussed what they would say to Adora instead, but I thought it would perhaps be more impactful to tackle the subject of Angella head on.

I'm not completely oblivious to the fact that many people wished Glimmer and Catra had approached the topic of what happened to Angella in canon. And again, I'd never say that this blog is a 'fix-it' for the stuff people didn't like, but sometimes there's stuff that I wish had been in the show - this was one of those things.

But knowing I wanted to put in a scene and actually writing it are two different things. I was so nervous when this one went out, because I worried that people would react negatively to it (but you didn't, thanks everyone!). You're right that having Glimmer go "Oh, sure, don't worry about it" would have felt hollow and really undercut the whole 'Angella is dead' thing. But equally, if Glimmer had said "Sorry isn't enough, I hate you and will never forgive you", it would have been hard to reconcile that level of sheer hatred with them working together later on.

I chose Glimmer's words quite carefully here. I wanted to show that her opting to take her mother's actions as one of heroic sacrifice rather than a desperate last-ditch attempt to save Etheria from Catra's mistake was for her own benefit, not Catra's. Glimmer makes that choice to discard Catra's part in it every day because that's the only way she can manage her grief (especially when face-to-face with Catra), not because she wants Catra to feel better. And that rejection of the apology was not so much a "Your apology means nothing" as it was "Don't try and complicate the way I'm dealing with this." Sorry means she has to reconcile that Catra feels guilt. Sorry upsets her grieving process. She doesn't want it.

I'm so excited for everyone to see the rest of this arc, particularly how things develop through Corridors. We'll soon be seeing Horde Prime step up his manipulation of Catra's depression, and more about how that is affecting her and driving her to desperation. But we also get those bittersweet flashbacks, the reminders that Adora has always been on her side - even when they've been on opposing sides of a war. And finally, the climax of the episode where Catra saves Glimmer, and (at least here) leaves Adora with some chilling words. I always feel like I become a better writer with every episode, and I am so proud of some of the stuff you're about to see.

[socialbunny]

15 questions for 15 mutuals :3

i was tagged by @annieshowell, @obsoletepixels, @goatskickin, @shitysimp, @sicksadsim and @jsasimmer <3333333333 thanks guys ily >:3

are you named after anyone? no, my mom had two names she wanted to pick for me and she and my dad settled on the one i have. but she was alsoo watching this movie in the hospital and one of the characters has my exact birth name so i think that cemented the name lol. and my name dirk, i named myself after dirk dreamer bc he's so me fr

when was the last time you cried? can't remember exactly

do you have kids? No I don't need that that in my life rn

do you use sarcasm a lot? I dooo, never in a mean way tho bc i feel like using sarcasm to mask how u feel abt some1 is pussy fr. i love joking around and poking fun and just being silly and weird and chillin like? irl personality is hit or miss with people. ive been told i talk back too much or always have something to say like? 😭

what sports do you play/have you played? when i was in elementary school i was in a dance group (terrible at it i have no rhythm at all it's honestly embarrassing) and when i was in high school i was in a tennis class (which was a PE alternative where we honestly never did shit tbh, towards the end of the school year we'd just be in the computer lab most of the time) and i considered joining the actual team but i also sucked at it 😭 and i really don't like doing team shit esp sports bc people start acting weird and i start getting real agitated.

what's the first thing you notice about other people? like physical i guess their outfit and hair and other shit i wear my glasses forr but shittttt, like just talking to someone i can catch their vibe really quick. just the way someone talks can tell you a lot abt them

eye color? Brown

scary movies or happy endings? it really depends on what the movie is

any special talents? nothing in particular i can think of. i think anything i do i'm really good at but not especially good at you know. i used to be told i'm really good at drawing but i was told this by the type of ppl who say they cant draw a stick figure so. take that as u will

where were you born? Texas 🤠

what are your hobbies? I love drawing and writing and reading and all the shit in that sphere of hobbies in theory 😭 been in a slump lately and doing shit seems harder than it needs to be. I love watching animation analysis and critiques, and listening to those 3hr vids of ppl talking abt shit i will never watch or care about while i do other bullshit. i really like making renders right now it gives me something to do without getting distracted too much. i also love playing really old shitty video games that have pages of cut content on tcrf

do you have any pets? No :( never had any pets when i was a kid either bc my mom had a whole bunch of dogs as a child and she didnt fw the idea of having any more animals in her house

how tall are you? 5'4 :)

fave subject in school? I love English (predictably I guess 😭)

dream job? i'd love to work in the animation industry in any way possible <3 or work in tv in general. probably have my own cartoon some day but thats such a stretchhhhhhhh i cant even work on my sims fanfiction or any oc shit LMAO. if not then i'd accept nothing less than a job where i don't have to talk to a lot of people and get payed billions of dollars to do bullshit

i dont have 15 ppl to tag since i do ask games so slowlyyyyy but i'll tag @despairoftheendless, @junkskoer, @faghotline and @hyperthinks !!! <3

[pastel-beez]

yesterday i had a date with a guy ive been seeing ocasionally for months. tbh, all of our dates until now have been drinks+fucking at his place+cuddling+sleep. this was the 4th one, but we just went for a walk bfore going to his place, so we were sober. And he is big. Like, he is tall, but I would still guess somwhere around 250, and he very much does not excercise. And girl, i didnt know where to put my hands. I was desperate for grabbing his belly, his sides, but i didnt much bc i was afraid hed see how much i like it, has this happened to u? what have you done/ would you do?

This has happened to me, and it can be a delicate situation. While I'm not exactly the best person to ask for relationship advice (I'm a MESS), I'd say just being open and communicating is the best way forward.

I know so well how scary that can be and I absolutely feel you there. But being yourself is also important. Even broaching the subject lightly and complementing his shape can be a good opener, depending on how your relationship is otherwise. That's the way I'd go about it.

I hope this helps, I'm sorry I can't be of more use but I wish you such luck with it all. You've got this 🩷

[rawrtriesagain]

Heya, found your Diakko art, and I wanted to say you’re an amazing artist, and was hoping you could answer some questions from an aspiring artist who hopes to be as good as you some day. How'd you learn to draw so well? Do you know any good online resources to help someone progressively better at art? Like videos on youtube/any online resource to learn the fundamentals of drawing? Anything you wish you knew before starting your art journey? But anyway, I hope you have a nice day!

Hi there! Just to begin this is very sweet of you to send and I'm very glad you like my art! I still have a ton to learn though and I truthfully don't think I draw all that well, but its very nice to know that someone's interested in what I've done to at least get to where I am now. I will warn I may not be the best to learn fundamentals from as I am objectively not an expert artist that can whip out the most jaw dropping thing anyone's ever seen (and this is not in a deprecating way, its just where I am in my stage of art), but since you are asking me directly I'll do my best to provide some help!

This might get long so I'll write everything under a Read More haha

I'm not entirely sure where you are in your stage as an artist (as some people start from the very ground up of learning how to draw a line, and that's completely ok), but growing up I did some doodles here and there which kind of set me up for what would become my art blog at @rawrroarart and now here once I wanted to take doing art more seriously.

I think at early early stages someone should just draw literally anything, even if its stick figures and the like so that your hand just gets used to general shapes and lines. A pretty key thing would be drawing against references (And this doesn't at all change in the later stages of art skill) like... if there's a banana in front of you, can you draw the banana?

Once you got that down pat, its time to start looking at guides especially to start learning how to draw human faces and the like. For me personally I was never a fan of realism and I'm still not so young me was subject to those "hoW to DraW animE" books which... shaped who i am as a person but i wouldnt recommend them for art lmaOO. if I were to start from the beginning and I was serious about drawing well, I probably would have forced myself to learning how to draw actual humans and bodies. Once you're able to draw and understand the human shape, it should be easier to stylize it to your liking (like anime aha). I'm p much talking out of my ass rn since I of course didnt do this, but I'm sure I'd have learned a lot faster if I did so.

Anyway I dug up some old ass embarrassing art from my personal blog so you can see where I started before becoming more serious about improving myself.

This is from like 2015 and I pretty much quit drawing right after this LOL

this was like where I peaked until 2020 when I started @rawrroarart heres me begging ppl to join my new blog:

From then on I've pretty much posted every single thing I've drawn on that blog to see my progress. Here's the last page of my blog if you're interested so you can see where I started and then just go backwards to see where I am now https://rawrroarart.tumblr.com/page/26

Anyway I was doing stuff like this against references from straight from google (looking up "snake"):

and then.. heres my first diana and the reference it was based off of

do note that this art took me a god awful amount of time to do still AND I copy and pasted half the face instead of forcing myself to learn properly and draw both sides. I know people have their opinions regarding the copy/paste abilities of digital art and I truthfully do not care what you do unless you're using AI, but for me personally pretty soon after this I decided I wanted to learn how to draw everything myself, even if it meant choosing to struggle just so I could learn. Of course since I became a digital artist, I have so many other tools I use while drawing and its such a gift, but even today I feel it may be detrimental to my growth haha but ive decided im pretty much only going to be a digital artist so, whatever, undo button has saved my ass so many times. If you're a digital artist, its just up to you really and how you measure your level of success.

Anyway if you follow along my art blog you can kind of see where my art started to get more refined, but anyway a big thing I want to touch on is References! Almost every single art I've done has had a reference one way or another. For example I have many pictures in my camera roll of my own hand in different angles, and when drawing clothes I try to get references of fabric and folds and the like. If I find a cool pose, I also will try to reference it since I still don't know shit about anatomy, and I used to reference heads and head angles until I got familiar with the general structure that I'm able to draw it from my thoughts (sometimes I'll still need a reference though, like trying to figure out how to draw someone looking straight up). My art is usually a mash up of all these different references that I put together.

In the early stages of my art I was looking for references from google like looking up something like "rolling on the floor" or something, and you'll find some good stuff here and there regarding poses. Something I noticed though was that a lot of the top google images were usually very... stiff and if its something drawn instead of a real person, its probably really stylized and not particularly helpful (to me). like id look up "anime eye" or something and I just think everything at the top is not something I wanna reference or draw lol

This is where pinterest comes in. there are a ton a ton of references and artstyles and guides from other fellow artists that help break down the human body into more simple shapes. for example these are some of my pins from back in my Assassins Creed Odyssey AU days:

General shapes and clear lines of movement and how different artist handle "movement" in general. Though I didn't end up drawing from these since I dropped Odyssey AU around the same time LMAO but if I did its the same process of studying how the body actually works here and trying it out myself. Then I'd look up something like "Assassins Creed Odyssey Armor" on google and slap on the clothes onto the naked body

Anyway sorry this is very anecdotal of course and I'm just blabbering on. But to keep things short and you are very free to keep asking questions, honestly I only really got better because I kept drawing what I wanted to draw. I really like Diana so I just kept drawing Diana lmao and I don't think I could draw any other character half as well (Akko gets a pass since I sometimes draw her too). If I was more serious about doing art though I think the number one thing I wish I did and I still wish I would start doing now if I wasn't a bum would be to practice drawing poses until I can form my own poses without needing a reference immediately.

I would ideally spend some time every single day on sites like these:

Maybe one day when I get insane about a fandom again I'll be back to do so, but at least for now I guess I don't have the drive to keep improving anymore.

As for picking an art style, honestly... just "steal" random things from artists you like lmao. artists are inspirations for other artists, thats just how it is. Obvi I don't mean trace someone's art and call it your own or anything like that like please don't do that, but if someones coloring style for example is rly nice to you, try it out yourself. If someone draws their characters hair really cool, try that out yourself. Over time you really just end up developing your own style even if it did start by being inspired by someone else. My sketchy/messy style is because idk how to do lineart

I used to be a hater for when artists would say things like "just practice" because it'd mean like absolutely nothing to me, but it really does just come down to practice lol. I'm not a particularly good artist in the sense that I could draw anything, but I am a good diakko artist because thats all I've drawn for the past 3 years (give or take given my months long hiatus every year lmao). If someone handed me a piece of paper and was like "draw ur mom" id probs just cry but if someone was like "draw diana cavendish" id be like bet

One thing to keep in mind that still gets to me to this day is to be ok with failing. Sometimes my art is straight garbage, and that's ok. Sometimes I get frustrated and cry when I can't get an eye right, and that's ok. I've scribbled, deleted, and restarted many art pieces until I deemed it ok to post, and even then I'll still eventually see them with disgust, and that's ok! I like to look at my very old art and compare it to what I can do now (even if I don't even like my art of the 'now') and I just think to myself, "hey I actually am improving!" and that lets me know that if I keep at it, one day I'll get to where I want to be. I think its nice to keep a log of all of your art (if you aren't already doing so) just to do exactly that

Just keep pushing my dude! I'm sure just based on you asking me this you're already on track to be a really good artist down the line, but you'll just need to be patient is all and know its not an overnight thing. Every single thing in your day to day is a potential inspiration for art, its just up to you what you decide to do with it :)

Hopefully this answers at least some of your questions! Feel free to ask any more and I'd be happy to ramble for a good hour haha

tl;dr: me like diakko, me draw diakko

[nerves-nebula]

why did your parents homeschool you when they didn't seem to have an interest in teaching you?

Sorry but this ask has me in hysterics cause like,,, I DUNNO, ANON WHY DID THEY????

Ok but fr, from what I can tell it was a mixture of not trusting public education, wanting direct control over what we learned, being bad at teaching kids, and then just kind of getting too busy and giving up. Like our mom did teach us how to read, right? But she kinda got … i dunno, bored?? tired?? Near the end?? So my youngest sister really got screwed in that department and needed tutoring.

I have a lot of memories though where we’d go somewhere like my brothers baseball game and she’d pull out different work books for each of us while starting on a reading lesson with another one of us. So, like, she DID try. I have way too many painful memories of frustrating homework to say that she didn’t try to teach us anything hah. she just didnt teach us very thoroughly, especially about things she assumed we'd just pick up eventually (like time, dates, and months)

Also, my dad is a philosophy professor with multiple degrees who heavily values the education of his children. But I don’t think he’s good at teaching kids, and he didn’t even live with us most of the time. So while he supported the whole thing and would administer science tests (AKA have me read a science text book and then take a test on the chapters I read) he wasn't super involved, from what I can recall.

Wanna know the funniest part tho? Home schooled kids tend to test higher than publicly educated kids. And despite the gaps in our general knowledge and downright educational neglect at times, that’s still the case for me & my siblings.

My brother got insane math scores, I’m talking better than 90% of his peers. And I always scored particularly high in English. my worst subject was math but i never failed anything. i had a breakdown when i got a B in my first ever semester of high school, because to me that was basically failing since my mom said it isn't that hard to get A's :/

my oldest sister has a theory that we're all autistic because we all kinda act like it, haha. which might explain why we didnt realize, cause if all of our siblings are autistic then its just normal to us.

but ALSO: we all have at least one thing we're insanely good at. my oldest brother was fantastic at math (before he self sabotaged but idc about him so whatever). my oldest sister is a wonderful writer and has a fantastic rate of success when she sends out her writing to be published, my other older sister is incredibly smart with math & science and is trying to become a doctor (she also makes all her own clothing and is really good at crafting). i got accepted to every art college i applied to, with scholarships & everything. my younger brother is one of the top football recruits of his year in our entire state. and my littlest sisters skill set is harder to describe, but the gist of it is that she's really good at manipulating people and lying. not sure where she's going with that but she's probably gotten hundreds of dollars of free stuff from people and she enjoys acting. excited to see where she goes cause i genuinely think she could do anything she wants to haha.

ok but now im just ranting about how cool my siblings are. THE POINT IS THIS- as much as I was neglected educationally, I think my parents accidentally did something right: I think they accidentally unschooled us, because our education was NOT as strict as some of the other home schooled kids I met.

my theory is that the neglect/accidental un-schooling kind of led to gaps in knowledge around things i didn't NEED to know to live day to day life (I didn't NEED to know the months or days until I went to public school. before that, I'd just ask mom what day it was, or else just go along with whatever she said we were doing that day)

BUT on the flip side! It also led to me and my siblings basically developing highly practiced skill sets based on our personal interests. and also kept our desire to learn relatively in tact, compared to kids who had the curiosity to learn beaten out of them in middle school with mind numbing homework hahafsdfadf.

OK SO I've clearly gotten away from your original question, anon, apologies but this sparked something in me and i HAD to ramble about my theories.

[grayy-dayy]

"It Doesn't Matter If Your Gay, You're Still Our Friend" Part One

What if Trent wasn't the only one to catch Colin and Michael making out in the alley?

Written between the airing of 3x3 and 3x4

Pairing: Colin Hughs x Michael

Coming Out, Mental Breakdown, Angst with a Happy Ending, Light Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Queer Relationship, Canon Queer Character, AFC Richmond Players are Himbos

Colin couldn't fully wrap his head around how he could go from having a fun night out with his friends to sobbing in his partner's arms at home in just a single hour.

The night started off great.

He carpooled to Sarn's restaurant with Richard, Dani, and Isaac. This wasn't unusual. The team would often branch off into groups and celebrate after a big win. Considering their winning streak, it was only natural.

They were getting rounds of drinks (all on Sam, of course), and joking around.

"I'm not one those guys, but considering how much we've been wining with Zava around, and seeing how much he can move his body? He could do whatever he wanted to me." Richard said with a grin.

Dani and Isaac laughed. Colin laughed along.

He pushed down the punch to the gut feeling he got from his friend's words.

'They don't know.'

They didnt know he was one of those guys.

He knew they meant no harm. Colin wouldn't say his teammates were homophobic. They were just guys being guys. He knew Moe's best friend and uncles were gay. And he knew Jan Maas's twin sister was transgender. From basic observation, the team didn't seem to care. Sure, some of them looked surprised when one of them mentioned someone was gay, but no seemed to mind when it was mentioned.

But still, the topic scared him, It was one thing to be friends with someone who had gay friends, it was another to be friends with a gay person. And said person being your colleague? Considering just how many different cultures and backgrounds everyone on the team came from, and given what Colin knew about classic locker-room culture, it wasn't worth the risk.

He felt a mix of emotions when Michael showed up. He was overjoyed when he saw Michael, but it hurt he had so much love to give his boyfriend. But he couidn't give him anything more than a dude-bro handshake. He had to introduce the love of his life as his best friend. 'His wingman'. And to his closest friends no less.

"I'm trying," Michael said, taking a sip of his drink, "Trust ne, it's harder than you think." This got a chuckle out of all of them. Though, it was probably funnier to the two of them, considering the context was different for them compared to his friends.

Dani grinned, "Oh, come on. A footballer with a smile and personality like that? Plenty of women would want him."

"No woman has really caught my interest, l guess." Colin leaned back in his chair.

He was really hoping that they would leave it at that, and move on from the topic. But they continued.

"We'll just have to get you to some bars around town. Maybe use Bantr, like Sam." Dani patted Colin's shoulder. "Michael. You said you're his wingman. Would you like to join us?"

Michael laughed. Only Colin could see how the conversation was starting to make him uncomfortable. Michael took a bigger sip of his drink, "I'd like to see you try."

Eventualy (thankfully), the subject matter died down, all of the attention going to Zava when he made his grand entrance.

Colin and Michael were able to sneak away without anyone being suspicious of them. They knew it was safe when they were a block or two away from the party.

"Hi Colin."

"Hi Michael."

They embraced each other warmly, now being comfortable enough to do So. Colin kissed him eagerly. Michael laughed when he pulled away.

"Eagar much?"

Colin whined, "I just missed you. I don't like it when you go away."

Michael put his hand on Colin's cheek, "I missed you too. You know, we still have a bit of time left before people notice we're gone. Maybe we could..."

Colin took this as his cue to lean back in.

He loved being like this. He loved feeling Michael's hair in his hands, and their bodies seemed to fit perfectly together.

"Colin?"

His blood ran cold. They must have lost track of time.

They quickiy puled away from each other. Colin looked over to see Dani, Isaac, Richard, Jan Maas, and Jamie.

"Hey, guys," he said awkwardly, "What are you guys doing? Party's still going on inside."

"We were gonna get another round of drinks. We wanted to find ya, see if you wanted to join." Jamie said.

"Yeah. Yeah, sounds good." He gave them a thumbs up.

"Maybe you had a little too much to drink," Jan Maas said, "You know you were kissing you friend Michael, right?" Everyone looked at him. "What?" he asked.

"Um yeah, I know." Colin looked back at his boyfriend for reassurance. Michael grabbed his hand, giving him a look that said go ahead. "Michael isn't my just my friend. And he definitely isn't my wingman. ...He's my boyfriend."

Dani and Jamie looked dumbfounded. He couldn't read Isaac and Richard's face. Jan Maas just looked like Jan Maas.

Colin turned to Michael and looked back at his friends. "We should go."

Colin and Michael quickly made their way back to the restaurant to get their things and leave. His teammnates followed.

He grabbed his drawstring bag and turned to Michael to make sure he had his keys (he knew Michael didn't drink enough to raise any concerns about driving).

"Colin, wait! It's alright if your gay, your still our friend!" Dani called out to him.

A hush fell over the room.

Looking around at all his friends, colleagues, and mutuals, it was clear everyone was shocked. Colin felt himself on the verge of tears. He looked to Michael for guidance.

"It's okay," he said, "Let's go." Michael guided him out of the restaurant and to his car. When the car door shut, he broke down crying.

Looking out the window, he could see his whole team (minus Zava) and coach Ted standing outside Ola's, looking stunned.

Colin would feel ashamed of himself, but he didn't have the energy to care. He just wanted to crawl into bed with Michael and never leave.

When they got home, Michael led him straight to their bedroom. He made him take a shower and get a glass of water before letting him get into their bed.

"How're you feeling?" he asked.

"Not great." Colin replied.

Michael put a hand on his back, "Need anything?"

Colin shook his head. "I'm worried about us. What's gonna happen?"

Michael sighed, "I dont know. But were going to figure it together, yeah," Coin gave him an affirming nod.

It only when the got under the covers did Colin begin to cry again, letting Michael hold him the rest of the night.