#i didnt watch dead apple or BEAST

[theslythernfreak]

THERE IS A BEAST MOVIE??????

SINCE FUCKING WHEN

[letstalkaboutshtufff]

Geralt x Injured reader part 1

Part 2

Pairing: Geralt x reader (self insert)

Warnings: swearing, injury, blood, I think that's all?

Summary: Reader is feeling jealous and wanders too far from camp.

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Hey guys! This is like my first fanfiction ever. And I wrote it at like 3am when I couldn't sleep. It's probably trash but if you like it I do have ideas for more! Xoxo enjoy****

Geralt x injured reader part 1

Jealousy was not a pretty color on you. And you swore riot yourself it was no such thing. After all Geralt of Rivia was just a teacher/friend you were travelling with. You had some skill with a sword, he found you trying to take down a kikkemora all by yourself, and failing miserably. After you saw how skilled he was you begged him to take you with him, to train you. He said no of course, so you just kept tagging along without his consent. At some point though he finally decided that if you were gonna come along you might as well be of some use so you made a deal.

Over the months you grew stronger but still had much to learn. After all it takes years for anyone to become a great fighter. And luckily for you, Geralt had many many many years of experience to offer you.

You enjoyed the time you spent togther, the conversation, (although you did most of the talking..) and the training, he was one of the few people in your life you felt comfortable with. Someone you could always count on. And somewhere along your travels the line between student and teacher blurred for you into something else, although you did your best to deny it at first.

You had gone off and caught feelings for the man who had no interest in real committed relationships. You knew you had it bad when you found yourself overflowing with irritation when he spent his nights in the arms of some whore at a dirty brothel.

On those nights you drank until you passed out on roach. Pretty fucking pathetic y/n.

Then came along the witch, Yennefer..

You saw how they looked at eachother, a look you'd wish Geralt would give you even for a fleeting moment.

There were creatures that had been attacking the villagers at night, so the three of you, well four since Jaskier decided to tag along when he spotted us, were tracking these monsters into the forest. You didnt mind Jaskier at all, his songs a welcome distraction from the obvious growing bond between Geralt and Yennefer.

You felt horrible for the animosity you felt towards her. She did nothing wrong and you hated that if not for your jealousy, you probably would have been close friends.

If you were a better women you could get over your silly crush and focus on your training but...

Yeah you had some growing to do. After searching the forest for a few hours, and finding nothing, everyone was tired and decided to set up camp.

Once Geralt tied down roach, he turned to address the group, "Everyone is to stay in camp, these monsters are dangerous, so if you need to take a piss, I suggest you do it behind a tent, unless you wanna risk getting your head shot off" he said rather gruffly.

Jaskier made a sound of discomfort and scooted closer to the fire.

"Dont worry jaskier, I'll protect you" you giggled.

He turned to you in amusement, "Ah yes how does go the training y/n, last I saw you, you could barely lift your sword" he teased.

"I've gotten rather good, mind if I practice on you?" You teased.

"Thanks but I think I better go and get my beauty sleep, good night" he smiled and retreated into his tent.

You went to feed roach some apples when you noticed that Geralt and Yennefer had dissapeared.

Huh? Where did they go? At first you thought they were in trouble since you didnt hear either of them say goodnight but as you got closer to the middle of camp you heard voices coming from Yennefers tent.

You told yourself not to look but you couldn't help it. And the instant you did you felt your heart break. It was one thing to see him in the arms of a whore. You knew they meant nothing to him, but in the arms of someone he cares for? That hurt...

Roughly you turned away from the kissing couple and marched away. Away from camp, away from stupid feelings and dumb petty jealousy.

It was not yennefers fault she was beautiful and powerful and brilliant. And if you were jealous then you should become just as amazing as she is. Maybe then he would notice you...

You were snapped out of your reverie when a rustle in the bushes caught your attention.

Fuck I was not supposed to leave camp...

Thinking quickly, you unsheathed your sword and held it at the ready. Its sharp edge gleaming in the moonlight.

Eyes narrowing at the bush. A moment later you were relived when a rabbit hopped out.

Phew I thought It was--

*SCRAWWWWWWWWCH*

Fuck

You barely missed the creatures slimy claws as it swiped for your head. Jumping to the side you managed to get a good look at the beast. It was rather large and spider looking, with several disgusting sets of beady eyes and a long slithering tough that dripped of something purple. So geralt was right, the creature lurking here was a visser. (Completely made it up on the spot) They're claws are sharp and quick but it's the tongue you have to watch our for. One jab, although not fatal can leave a man in bed for days from pain. 2 jabs in the same place? then your a goner. And the visser is known to be smarter, he distracts with claws and jabs quickly before you can even blink.

You knew you should probably yell for your companions. There was a chance they could hear you. But that very second you thought of yennefer and how she would be able to take on a monster like this.

That made up your mind...this monster was going to be your kill... youd finish this off and prove that you had gotten stronger if it's the last thing you do.

Although that would kind of defeat the purpose...

"Urgh" you landed roughly on the ground, one of its claws managed to swipe at you.

"Ok no more misses nice gal" regainging your stance, the glint of the moon shone on your opponent. With a visser you had a few options. Option 1, go for the head which kills instantly but the risk of a jab is highest.

Option 2 is cut off all the legs quickly then send your sword through the head. But if it dodges... you're dead meat.

Option 3, try to get under the beast where its tongue cant reach you and strike upwards. With your small stature option 3 sounded the smartest. You just had to move fast enough where it wouldnt be able to see you for a split second.

Alright y/n dont let your training go to waste! This is your chance to prove yourself.

Running faster than you've ever ran before, you circled around the visser waiting for when the creature was even a second slow and could not see you. The right moment was.....

Now! You sprinted forward and slid under its legs.

"Scrawaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaachh" the monster howled in pain as you slammed your sword directly up getting covered in visser guts in the process.

"Blegh how disgusting.." you swiped the guts off your face and stood in front of the slain beast.

For once in a long time you felt proud of yourself. You slayed a monster all by yourself, even Geralt said you hadn't been ready yet and often told you to stay back during fights. But he would have to eat up his words now hehe. You could just imagine everyone's faces when you would tell them.

You were too wrapped up in your glory to notice a second visser sneaking up behind you.

By the time you heard its screech, it was too late. Its slimy black tongue had struck your stomach leaving a sizzling pain behind it.

"FUCK" unsheathing your sword again, you tried to maneuver far enough out of its reach to thing of a plan. There was no way you could pull on option 3 again with the way your core burned. One more jab and it would be over. Damn it! why couldn't you just have your victory and be done with it!

One hand clutched at your injury while the other was positioned weakly in front of you. Your eyes blurred slights but you refused to let this shit swamp be your final resting place.

The burning subsided to an ache and you used that opportunity to make a mad dash into the thicket. You needed to think of a plan and quick, it would not take long for the visser to catch up with you, especially now that you had that stupid injury.

"Srawwwwwwwwwch" it sounded like it was right behind you. Fuck fuck fuck.

And then because mother nature decided to be a BITCH, you tripped on a large tree root and tumbled forward.

"Scraeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech" you flipped over quickly and shut your eyes as the visser was basically on top of you. 3 more seconds and you would be dead.

3, how pathetic y/n, after all these promises you made to yourself about becoming someone worth being proud of you fuck up the one chance you had.

2, maybe it's better this way, would anyone even miss you? Jaskier would, maybe he would even write a song about you..

1, I'm sorry I was an idiot...Geralt I'll watch over you...

"SWOOOOOOOOSH" the unmistakable sweet sound of metal slicing through flesh made your eyes shoot wide open.

"Geralt!" He stood out of breath hovering over the now beheaded visser. His sharp golden eyes moved from the beast, to you.

Without a word he reached over and pulled you up without a hint of gentleness. You hid your wince at the sudden movement. Not wanting to let anyone know that the visser had gotten the better of you.

"What happened" he bit out slowly. Fuck he was angry. "Why did you leave camp y/n when I explicitly told you not to" his feline eyes bore into yours and suddenly you felt too intimated and looked away.

Ah yes what excuse will I come up with now. Sorry Geralt I had to leave because I felt immense pressure and heartache seeing you and Yennefer over there locking lips and most passionately I might add.

When he noticed my hesitation he let out a growl, "Hmm, don't lie to me"

Fuuuuuuuuuck...

"I-I didnt mean to, really... I couldn't sleep so I was walking close to camp and I didnt even realize I had wandered so far until the other visser attacked." You looked him in the eyes knowing it would better your chances of him believing it.

He stared at you a few more seconds before letting out a sigh.

" You killed it" he said bluntly, and softer than before.

"I did.." you couldn't help the small smile that formed on your face. He sighed again, this time he had a small smirk on his face, "Well I guess you have learnt some things after all" he patted your shoulder but pulled away when Yennefer and Jaskier appeared.

"Y/n thank god your alive, are you alright?!" Jaskier grabbed your shoulders and scanned you for injuries. Luckily your stomach was covered by your armor, visser Jabs were known for hurting like hell at first, seeming to get better shortly after, then coming back tenfold. Right now you were at stage two, the calm before the storm..

Yennefer made a comment about how impressive you were to slay the visser and you hated yourself for still feeling ill towards her. She was a great person and you could not blame Geralt for liking her. It was just an unfortunate situation.

The walk back was quiet and the second you were in your tent again you dared to take a look at the wound. Gingerly you unbuckled your armor and lifted up your shirt.

You let out a small sigh of relief. It just looked like a large bruise. Nothing you couldn't pass off as a "I fell off roach" kinda injury.

As positive as you tried to be, you knew the worst was yet to come. But by god you were not about to let your victory be ruined by your companions knowing of this. Especially since Yennefer and Geralt could've slain the beast without a scratch.

Somehow you were lucky and slept the rest of the night in peace. It was early when jaskier came to wake you. Although you slept plenty, you felt just as exausted as you did after your late night encounter.

Before putting on your armor, you dared to look at the wound again. You regretted it the moment you did.

Fuck me... the bruise was much darker than before and covered a larger area. As for the pain, it felt only slightly more sore which was good for now. The last thing you wanted was for anyone to find out about it.

Quickly you threw togther the rest of your things and met the others. According to the village leader there was one more visser out there so we continued our search deeper into the forest. It was around noon when the pain intensified. It started as a constant dull ache but gradually became a burning sensation. It was becoming harder to hide it.

You made up some excuse to the group and sat on top of roach. You were sure if you had to walk anymore you would have fallen over. Luckily for awhile jaskier was more preoccupied with his latest ballad and geralt and yen were wrapped up in some serious conversation. You didnt realize how far you were lagging behind until jaskier turned to you.

"Y/n?" He walked over to you and pulled on roaches reigns making him go a little faster.

"Hm" was all you could manage.

"Are you alright? You're sweating so much"

Confused you ran a hand over your head. He was right, you were and didnt even feel it.

"Yo- sic- rest-" what? Why was Jaskier talking gibberish...and why is he so blurry?

You didnt even feel yourself pitching to the side, just the woosh of air through your ears.

"Y/N!? Y/N what's wrong?!?!" Jaskier barely managed to catch your half conscious form. "GERALT!" The witcher swung around sword at the ready but widened his eyes in shock at what he saw.

Y/n was on the floor, breathing heavily and being propped up by Jaskier.

Geralt and Yennefer quickly ran over. The witchers eyes narrowed in concern when he saw the state of her. She was sweating profusely and looked to be struggling with something. Yennefer raised a hand to her forehead but shook her head. "Its not a fever".

Geralt held her up, lightly smacking her face, he grew even more worried when she didnt react.

"Jaskier what happened"

"I don't know, I noticed she was falling behind so I went to check on her, then I noticed she looked sick, I was telling her we should stop and rest but then she just collapsed. She seemed really out of it too.

At that moment a grunt of pain escaped y/n's lips, and her eyes slowly opened.

You were confused as to why when you opened your eyes, gerald's golden ones were staring at yours with intense concern.

"Y/n can you hear me??" he questioned furrowing his brows.

"I-I ahhhgh" you screwed your eyes shut as the pain intensified. It felt like someone had set your stomach on fire.

This only confused geralt more, "you're hurt" he said as more of a statement.

"Where is the pain y/n," the gentle voice of yennefer surrounded you. Ugh why couldn't she just be a bitch, it would make things so much easier.

You tried speaking but a moan left your lips instead. Fuck this hurt worse than anything you had encountered before.

Geralt closed his eyes as if he had a sudden realization, "you got hit by the visser didnt you"

When you didnt speak but he saw the look in your eyes he knew it was true. "Fuck".

Quickly he began removing your armor and saw the injury peeking from under your shirt. He wasted no time lifting it up just until below your chest. You heard small gasps but were too out of it to know from who.

"Fuck y/n, why didn't you say anything??" Geralt scolded as he examined the wound.

Luckily you didnt have to answer, just focus on breathing heavily.

"Will she be alright?!" The frantic voice of jaskier floated through your ears.

"It would have been better if she told us from the beginning, with a visser attack you need to stay still as much as you can. However by the looks of it she only got hit once, which means she still has a chance."

"What can we do?" Was it yennefer or jaskier who said that?

Geralt pulled a sack from roach and rummaged through it till he pulled out a yellowish filled bottle.

Lifting y/n with one arm he pulled the cork with his teeth and gently placed it between her lips. "Drink y/n" without a second thought you downed the strange liquid coughing as it burned your throat like liquor.

"What is that?" Jaskier asked curiously.

" it's for the pain, it'll make her feel like shes dreaming." Geralt threw her armor onto roach and lifted her up carefully into his arms. "Let's go" he ordered and the troup was once again on their way. Geralt gave one look at the now sleeping y/n and sighed. What was she thinking?

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When you opened your eyes the first thing you did was let out a girlish laugh.

Geralt was surprised for a moment since you had been silently resting in his arms for a long time. "Y/n?"

"Geralt! You've dyed your hair pink! How adorable!" You reached up and pulled at the cotton soft locks.

The witcher sighed, knowing this was the effect of the medicine. Jaskier and yennefer let out a small laugh at the scene of the two.

"Go back to sleep y/n, you need rest" he commanded softly.

"GERALT!" you suddenly exclaimed! "Oh no you cant be the white wolf anymore! Oh no oh no oh no WAIT I GOT IT! YOU CAN BE THE PINK PONY! QUICK JASKIER WRITE THIS DOWN!!"

"Ah yes the witcher, pink pony of the north, has a nice ring to it" jaskier couldn't contain his laughter.

Geralt decide it best to ignore her and keep walking forward.

"Geralt?" He chose to ignore her again. "Geralt....?"

"Gerrrrrallllllt?"

"GERALT!"

"Geralt geralt geralt geralt geralt geralt"

"What?!" He bit out annoyed.

"Do you think I'm pretty? hehe" he was caught off guard and was not sure how to answer. It didnt help the other two were just giggling behind him.

"I um....yeah" he said awkwardly.

"So I dont look like a troll?" You asked earnestly.

"Pfft what?" Now geralt was the one who couldn't control his laughter.

"Don't laugh!" You suddenly pouted. "A long time ago one of my lovers said I looked like a troll when he broke up with me.."

Still amused geralt shifted you to meet his eyes, "No y/n, you do not look like a troll"

"Phew thank god, I dont know what I would have done..." you laid a hand against your head dramatically.

"Now will you please stop squirming and go back to sleep" geralt sighed out.

"Hmmmmmmmmmmm......alright I've decided to go to sleep since I need sleep and it's what I have decided" you saluted the air.

"Finally.." he grumbled.

With a smile you reached both arms around his neck and brought your soft lips to his unshaven cheek.

"Goodnight pinky, sweet creams" he was shocked for a moment then let out an exasperated laugh.

"Goodnight y/n...sweet creams"

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To be continued in part 2!

[officialleehadan]

From the Grave

(For @whatevercomestomymind, who won one of the Third Prizes and requested a story from the perspective of a Background NPC. [sorry it’s not a whole week, but this will probably end up spinning into a whole series] who gets to watch the Hero do the Thing without actually being involved.}

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“You heard that Landon is back?” 

“I saw him the other day, and again this morning. He’s... different.”

Etina leaned across the counter to look at the man in question as Urrelle did the same. They were the same age. Had grown up in the same village. Known all the same people. Their mothers were friends from childhood.

But then Landon disappeared, and soldiers spent the next three years coming through the town, asking odd questions about him.

‘Have you seen him?’ they had asked with strange, fixed smiles that faded every time someone told them no. ‘Has he been home? Have you heard from him at all?’

Of course, no one had. Landon’s mother was dead ten years back, and he never had a father that anyone knew, although his mother swore to her last breath that she was married, and that Landon was his father’s son.

Most everyone thought she was a little crazy, but she was gentle and sweet, and when she died, the town did their best to look after Landon. 

He was kind, and friendly, but odd, always a little too fast, and a little too good with the bow he used to bring meat in from the deep forest.

And then, the night of the Grand Eclipse, Landon’s house went up in blue flames, and he vanished completely. 

For three years, they waited, and wondered as stories whispered through of a legendary swordsman who challenged a tyrant, and fought a god, and lost everything except his life and the sword that no one else dared wield.

“He looks sad,” Urrelle noted as she carefully peeled an apple with her little knife. “Worn out, too.”

“I tried to ask where he went,” Etina agreed thoughtfully. “He didn’t want to talk about it much. He doesn’t talk much at all, anymore. He has a wedding band now.”

“I saw that. You think...?”

“Well, whoever it is, they aren’t here.”

Probably, Landon’s wife, or maybe husband- some preferred their own, for all that it was less common- was dead. The bone-deep grief that he carried seemed to intimate for a parting, and his ring glimmered with care, polished and clean no matter what.

Sadly, it was all too common a story.

It wasn’t that heroes were unknown, even in their little town. Every now and then someone came out of the woodwork, having been born under the wrong sign, or the right one, but no one ever talked about what happened to the ones lucky enough to survive their adventures.

Landon was one of the rare ones. The ones who lived to come home, but carried the weight of all they had seen and done like an invisible shroud. 

He was still kind, and friendly, but his eyes never quite focused on the ‘now’ and he always seemed to be looking for someone who should have been at his side and wasn’t.

Etina’s mother said it was a broken heart, but no one had gotten up the courage to ask him themselves, and Landon did his level best not to talk about the years he was gone. His wedding band was sign enough, and that wound was clearly still open and raw.

The sound of an inhuman scream overhead, sharp as glass and so loud it echoed off the mountains, made the whole market turn and look at what could possibly have made such a noise. 

When they saw the source, people scrambled for what cover there was, and scattered out of the market.

A dragon.

Etina felt her heart still as the huge white beast swooped down out of the clouds and shrieked again, long and loud as it circled the town with more grace than such a huge creature ought to have.

Out of the corner of her eye, Etina saw Landon turn too, and was surprised to see him freeze dead in his tracks. His lips moved, mouthing something that might have been a name, face alight with shock, and then brilliant, shining joy.

The dragon must have spotted him as their hero ran into the quickly-emptying market square, because it folded its wings and dropped like a stone towards the ground. 

A breath before it hit the stone, the great white form blurred like clay. In moments the dragon was gone, shifted into a man who landed running only to fly into Landon’s arms. 

“I saw you die,” Etina heard Landon choke the words off even as the dragon pressed kisses to his face. “I saw- the demon-“

“I promised I would never leave you,” the dragon told him, and twined their fingers together, white hair glowing in the sunlight, eyes glitteringly blue. “I would crawl from my own grave to return to you. What was a jump between worlds compared to that?”

“You beat me to it,” Landon said, and pressed their foreheads together. They were almost of a height, but the dragon was thin, as if he had been fighting hard and alone for too long. “I finally found the last components to open the door, but you’re here and I can hardly believe you’re real.”

“I am real,” the dragon promised, and brought their tangled fingers up to trace a shimmering mithril band around one of his horns. It was engraved, but Etina couldn’t read it from where she was. “You see, my human? I still have our bond-band, polished and cared for as I worked to come back to you.”

Landon traces the pale-silver band and finally bent ever so slightly to steal a feather-light kiss that promptly turned into rather more.

Etina watched them kiss, and part, and smile together, that painful open space at Landon’s side finally filled, a missing puzzle piece slotted into place as if he should never be anywhere but there.

“Well,” Urrelle said as she crawled out from under her table, having hidden when the dragon swooped down. He and Landon were still completely wrapped up in each-other, radiating joy that was almost brighter than the warm sunlight. “That... answers some questions I guess.”

“I would say so,” Etina agreed as Landon towed his dragon off in the direction of his house, both of them laughing like the long-parted lovers it seemed they were. “At least they seem happy?”

“Three coppers says we don’t see them for the rest of the week,” Urrelle said dryly, but with a warm smile. “Bets?”

“Go scam someone else,” Etina chuckled, and began settling her good from where they had blown about in the excitement. “But I wouldn’t want to be them when the gossips hear of this!”

 +++

Uncollected Dragons:

Exploration by Wing

Iced White Wine

Mine to Hoard

Hoard of Memories

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More Stories!

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[krissy-sprite]

Captain Isabella-Hope Patterson

Click Keep Reading to read her story! (Her story is a lot longer)

Before events of Far cry New Dawn

Isabella was only a child when the bombs hit, She was very worried about why her mom said she’ll be back but she has been gone for a long time but once the bombs drop her neighbors have a bunker and grab her and what they all need to survive into the bunker, Isabella only grab one thing is a picture of herself with her mom in her police uniform for the first time, she looks at her neighbors and one was silently talking but can hear his words “The world is ending, the world is ending, the world is ending” while his wife was sobbing, Isabella was scared but somehow she kept calm and silently keeping hope for everything to be alright again but for now all they can do is wait till the chaos from outside slows down.

Years in the bunker have passed, mostly people give up hope after the world ends but not for Isabella, she doesn't even know why she still have hope but she did than one day they hear knocking from the bunker ceiling door, the neighbor slightly check and hear people outside saying “it’s safe to come out!”. 

All three of them left the bunker and see how amaze how outside isn't all destruction but flowers, fresh air and beautiful bright blue sky all around and Isabella never saw anything so amazing even before the bombs hit, She sees people joining together to rebuild the world as it was before and she imminently wanted to help but there was one thing that she needed to do, Go to Hope Country and find her mom alive.

She knows it’s gonna be very difficult to go to hope country and even if she says about her plan, everyone sometimes tell her “I’m sorry but I don’t think your mother survive” “She’s dead move on!” but it didnt stop her at all, then she heard some guy named Thomas Rush is planning on making a team that helps rebuilding the world, setting up new homes and adding more people to join together so she went around and asked about Thomas Rush and where is he, so then she manage to find Thomas Rush and asked to join the team though he wasnt sure at first but he saw the fire in her eyes and accepts her.

Years again happen and Isabella kept on helping everyone who needed help and Thomas was surprised of how she was like a second leader so he promote her to be Second in Order Captain, but there was something else between these two have a connection they didn't know it would be more than being teammates, they ended up falling in love with each other, Though they kept their relationship a secret but it everyone can see though it. 

Thomas even know what Isabella really wanted to do and he encourage her about it but he told her that we cant just go there right now when there is still places that needed rebuild and Isabella accepts that, She even slightly changed her name to Isabella-Hope

And then one day, they met Carmina Rye asking for help in her hometown because of the Highway men have been destroying what her family and friends accomplish and what caught Isabella surprise that it was in hope country where her mom was there the last time she saw her going, the team than travel to Hope Country to helped, only to be caught in a surprise

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During some of the events of Far Cry New Dawn

After the highway men nearly killed everyone and both Isabella and Carmina escaped but Thomas was kidnapped by the twins, Isabella was nearly devastated of what happen but tells Carmina it’s not her fault that it happened and both her and Carmina with the help of prosperity they will take down the highway men but they need to get Thomas first.

During her time in Prosperity, Isabella was looking around asking people about the whereabouts her mom and answers were no idea or they haven't see someone like that till she ask Kim about her and even show an very old photo that she kept, Isabella and Carmina who was helping her asked around was confused why Kim was in total shocked to look at her then the photo then at her again, That’s when Kim told Isabella about the story of what happen here before the bombs hit that Her mom started the resistances against the Cult called Project of Edens Gate to stopped the leader of the cult but before they manage to win the rebel, the bombs hit and everyone scatter and that was the last Kim saw the deputes before they got in the car with the leader and drive away, Isabella was silent after she heard the story for a while but afterward she told Kim that she believes her mom survive and is still alive because she does not give up hope until she sees the body.

Later on after Isabella saved Thomas from the highway men but the Twins attacked the prosperity, Thomas told everyone about the group up north and that’s when Isabella went to the north and out of nowhere is having visions of a man pointing to where she needs to go and after doing puzzles she goes into a abandon bunker and looks at the notes left her in shaken in disbelieve that the notes were her mom write in paper as she was slowly losing herself, Isabella clicked two and two together, the mask person who refused to let her in was her mother.

After she return to the north and show the book, the judge let her in and just point to where she need to go and ignoring what Isabella was saying and just growls at her to shut up, Isabella was heartbroken to see her mom became a different person but her anger for the man that made her become like this has grew very much.

Isabella did some quest to show she has become part of new eden and helping the people there to find the father but the so called leader Ethan who is supposed to be the son of the father wanted Isabella to kill him so his people to look up to him instead of Joseph, as much as she wanted to kill Joseph as well she cant because everyone both prosperity needed new eden to help and new eden needed Joseph back in order to accept the helped so she headed far up north and finally met eye to eye with the man who started it all.

After Isabella ate the apple of the gift and defeat her personal beast within her and became the true Shepard of god, she brought Joseph back to New Eden and before she left with the judge that Joseph said they will be with you from now on, Isabella snapped and yelled at Joseph for what he has done to her mom but Joseph was calm and understanding her why she is angry and told her that this was her mother’s choice to become like this and how they both changed each other but Isabella wasnt buying it and left with what’s left of her mom but something inside Isabella that she can helped regain her real mom back and that’s what she would do from now on.

During most of the time in Hope Country she gain guns for hire and people who can help upgrade the prosperity, Thomas has thought about here now that everyone in the train was gone and only him and Isabella survived, he decides to stay with Isabella and will bring his own family here as well by the time everything is all set is done. Isabella felt extremely happy for the first time in years but it did not last for long time because of tragic happens next

Isabella became a total different person after the twins killed Thomas right in front of her as she was handcuff and couldn’t do anything to stop them even her mom was concerned about her daughter but Isabella felt is anger, sadness and revenge as the gift had consume her into something else, after finding out that Ethan betrayed new eden and told the twins where new edens at, Isabella manage to take down the twins and showed no remorse after having a small talk with mickey and killing her right on the spot with no regret, after she defeats Beast Ethan with the caused of losing her hand during the fight, she witness Joseph burning the tree with now a deceased ethan and Joseph telling he was wrong and it wasnt himself or her mother to be god’s Shepard but Isabella herself and asked her to release him with judge in the background looking on, Isabella told him “I’m not doing this for you.” Joseph replied “I know.” and then Isabella killed Joseph Seed without a second thought.

Isabella sitting by Thomas’s grave along with Carmina next to her and unknowingly her mom is in the background watching them even her own daughter killed the man she follow to the end is still besides her. Both Carmina Rye and Isabella-Hope Patterson looked on the field having hope once again.

[theuninspirednovelist]

Kitty Terror

Written for @bayneon

Thank you for being so damn kind and patient with me

Out of everything he expected, having a cat stalk him was one of the last things, honestly. Realistically, this was something unimportant, something that he would be laughed at if he told someone, something that was so absolutely ridiculous to say out loud that Thor wouldn’t even say it to himself, and yet…

…yet it was happening.

He couldn’t be sure, but he saw the cat, this specific cat, everywhere he went.

He had told himself that he was seeing things, that he the rule was getting to him and that maybe, perhaps maybe, he needed to lay off the drinks he had but no.

No matter what he thought, he ended up with the same conclusion.

He was being stalked by a cat.

It was black, the deepest shade of it, with two big round green eyes that always stayed focused on him. It stood at a distance, always, it followed him, gracefully leaping from one obstacle to another as it trailed parallel to him, sometimes anticipating where he was going.

Those were the times he was actually terrified.

He would go to a tavern or go riding with his friends and there it was, the green eyed cat, watching his every move. It had a long, graceful that that it would curl around its paws in a manner that was somehow, to Thor, threatening.

He went camping one time and woke to the cat sitting right next to the candle on the small table beside him. The sharp light on its face made it look demonic and Thor had very nearly pissed himself that night.

Of course when he sat up and rubbed his eyes, it was gone and the candle had gone out.

It could have been a dream, he told himself, but the smoke was still whispering away from the wick and his heart was pounding far too loudly for comfort.

It followed him when he was at the palace, it followed him when he tried to sleep, honestly, there were nights where he swore he felt it walking over his back as he slept.

Not that he would tell anyone.

Or at least…just anyone.

This morning, he decided to go to the one person who always seemed to have answers – even if they were snarky – for him. He listened and guided him to a path that helped him solve his problems.

Most of the time.

It was after breakfast and still relatively early so Loki was bound to be in his chambers. There was no other place he liked as much and when he entered, he did so quietly, looking around in case that cat was around.

Something Loki immediately pointed out

“Well, look who finally learned how to open doors” he said snidely “should I be worried?”

Thor snorted “No, I didn’t wish to disturb you”

“How kind” Loki said, still lost in the book he was reading “What do you need, Thor? I am busy”

“I know, I just…need help” Thor said, feeling his cheeks prickle a little bit in embarrassment “it’s a strange problem I have”

“Oh?”

Loki closed the book and turned to give Thor his undivided, scrutinizing attention

“What’s wrong?”

Thor parted his lips to speak, the words were at the end of his tongue, but he shook his head

“Actually, never mind, I am likely being paranoid”

He spun around to leave but came to a dead stop when Loki’s magic closed and bolted his doors shut.

“You’ve disturbed my peace and will not leave will you tell me” Loki said, arms crossed over his chest “tell me”

Thor’s heavy shoulders sagged when he heaved a loud sigh, then turned to look at Loki, his gaze almost afraid.

“I fear I am being tricked by something”

Loki frowned “What do you mean?”

“Something is following me around” Thor clarified “I know I am not imagining it, I thought I was, but it is far too common to be a coincidence”

“Something is following you around?” Loki asked “you mean a spirit”

“Perhaps”

Thor came to sit in one of Loki’s benches and sighed “Not exactly a spirit, something like that”

“Speak plainly, Thor, as you can see, it is only I who is here with you” Loki said sternly

“A cat” Thor said “I am being followed by a cat”

There was silence for a few long seconds, then Loki pulled his lips inwards, trying not to smile

“You’re laughing at me” Thor droned

Loki shook his head, his face flushing as he controlled himself

“Yes, you are, I can hear you snickering” Thor stood “so aye, forget it”

He turned to go and Loki went after

“No, no, Thor I’m sorry, I wasn’t laughing!”

He was still grinning and Thor growled

“It was a mistake coming here” Thor opened the door, thankful that Loki let him “Goodbye, brother”

“Thor!” Loki called, stopping when Thor slammed the door closed.

Snickering, still, Loki stood there a moment, then went back to his work, trying not to think overmuch about this

Outside, Thor was cursing himself for being stupid and crossed the halls to go towards the training arena. He could hear the warriors battling it out on the field and felt a little at ease when he took his spot in his usual balcony, overlooking the fights taking place.

And in response to their future king watching them, the warriors improved their stance and fight, pretending they hadn’t seen him.

He liked the attention and smiled, setting his arms down on the bannister as he watched and tried to get the meeting with Loki out of his head.

Something landed on his back and Thor froze when he heard a very familiar meow.

Immediately, he spun, trying to bat the cat off, yelping when he felt it get stuck in his cape

“Get off!”

He twisted and turned around in circles, trying to get it off and in the back of his head, he heard the fighting and sparring stop, but didn’t pay mind to it. He could feel the cat on him and he clawed at the cape, shaking, jumping, leaping into the air to get it off!

The cat was still on him!

“Off!”

Thor yanked his cape over his head and threw it aside, panting in effort, glaring at the offending thing.

There was silence all around and slowly, Thor turned to see everyone looking at him.

He felt his face prickle with shame and chagrin

“I …”

He stopped the attempt altogether when they just nodded and started to go back to their training, leaving him standing there, with no cape, no cat and no dignity.

*** And that was only the beginning ***

Thor made a face as he stepped into something wet, cold and kind of squishy. He didn’t want to look down but he had to and so he took all the courage he had as a warrior to peek at the thing underneath his foot.

“Oh Norns no,” he said as he saw the dead mouse or what was left of it on the floor. It wasn’t the first time this had happened and he feared it wouldn’t be the last.

For the past two weeks he had been stalked by this cat; and he swore to all Norns that this beast was sent by Hel herself to torment him. Hopping on one leg he made his way into the bathroom to clean the mess off his foot.

“This is so disgusting,” he muttered as he scrubbed his foot clean before checking his boots and slipping his foot inside.

Three days ago that little spawn of Hel had put a mouse in there and he had ruined one of his favorite pair by squishing the dead rodent inside. It had been one of the most unpleasant sensations he'd ever felt in his life, feeling that cold, horrid feeling between his toes and over the ball of his foot. It had him shudder in disgust till the next morning, where his brother smiled and snickered at his misfortune but offered no solution to it! He was sure that he would do the same today because they were to have lunch with their parents. Loki would look at him with that twinkle in his eyes and a smile on his lips, laughing inwardly when Thor told him of this disgusting, awful incident. He would get his father and mother to laugh, too, no doubt! And yet, he couldn't not share this awful story, there was nothing he wanted more than for someone to give him a solution because honest to Norns, his training didn't tell him how to fight against a very small, very clever cat.

Once he made it to the dining room and sat down at the table with his family. Loki looked up from the book he was reading and smirked at his brother, “you look rather annoyed Thor.” He'd set the book aside to give him his full attention, which indicated that he was very well aware of why Thor was upset, but seemed to want him to say it out loud. The older prince scoffed, “That stupid furball has brought me another dead present.”

Loki snickered, “you know when cats bring you their prey they think you are a terrible hunter.” Thor angrily grabbed a piece of bread and tore it into two smaller pieces.

“I am the greatest hunter there is,” he told Loki "You know this" "Not better than the cat, apparently" Loki rolled his eyes Thor growled and chewed on the bread, “And I will catch that pest, mark my words"

Loki gave him a disbelieving look "Cat, you mean pests are slightly more notorious than an adorable, furry pet" Thor crushed the bread in his hand and Loki smirked as he had a drink

***

Another incident occurred when Thor was happily talking to one of the ladies at court. She was sweet, soft and supple; and by the looks she gave him, she was very interested in him.

Something Thor reciprocated.

It didn’t take long for Thor to take her to Idunn’s private orchards and go on about the delicacy that were her apples.

“Would you like one?” Thor asked, casually leaning against a tree “They’re very good”

A gentle reminder that one could get these apples by royal permission only had her excited and before long, Thor was cutting an apple in half for her as she hovered close by. They shared the apple and once it was gone, they shared sweet kisses under the tree as Thor pressed her against it.

He didn’t expect her to start screaming.

Thor blinked, thinking he’d stepped on her foot and an apology was at his lip when he saw a black ball of rug and rage leap at and sink its claws into her skirt. She spun around and the cat went with, hissing and spitting at her, tail puffed in rage, ears pulled back. It’s green eyes were insane with jealously as it scratched and bit at every bit of skin it could reach and Thor was shaken out of his shock by something very strange.

He’d seen this jealousy before.

His face contorted into anger and Thor lashed out, grabbed the cat by the scruff and pulled it off the screaming woman, who went to weep behind Thor, shielding herself from the beast.

“Loki!” Thor shook the animal “This has better not be you, Brother, I am going to strangle you if is it!”

The cat blinked at him, green eyes wide and dark. Its tail was still puffed up, it’s paws curled to its chest as he stared at him for a second.

And then

It spoke

“I did not expect myself to be this easily caught” Loki’s smooth, silky voice said

Thunder erupted above him and Thor let out a shout as the cat turned into smoke and vanished from his grip, leaving behind nothing but shame and anger and a desire to smack Loki as hard as he could.

Not that he managed to do that.

He’d reached Loki’s doors when a portal opened beneath his feet and Thor yelped as he was taken from Asgard and dropped into a crater on Midgard.

And where he sat, perched on his bannister, his tail waving behind him, his big green eyes filled with mischief and promise for more, Loki let out a contented purr and went back into the palace.

With Thor gone, his father was prime for his next series of attacks.

Shout out to @nijura108 who was critical in this.

[silasrytved]

Whalebones

The waves licked the concrete wave breakers out in the cold water of the small harbor.

The dock was quite but not for at lack of people, all the crewmates were ready to board. The silence was du to the dangerous nature of working as a whaler. The foul smell of whale oil burning in the lanterns lighting up the dock, and the squeaking of rats in the provisions cart which we had to stuff in the ship. It was lousy pay for hard work, but for outcasts like us, it was a home…

As the others cramped together in the in the small crew cabin on the wavy and damp ship, i stood and watched the filthy smoke of the city fade off as we departed. It was cold and thunders could be heard in the distance, and it was snowing in a fast and chaotic way.

We were headed for warmer waters on the pacific ocean, with gibraltar on the horizon. We were hunting sperm whales to power the lamps back home. 

We were hunting the seas for food.

But it soon dawned, we were being hunted back.

The first morning out at open sea, i rose before the seagulls. It was quit and the sea had calmed from the day before, we had outsailed the snow and for the first time we felt warmth in months. The sun was shining and there were no land in sight. The heat creeped close to the water and the ship planks were warm. I laid down on them and felt warmth deep in my spine and bones.

We spend the days washing the deck and eating shitty food.

At day forty people were starting to look lean.

And at day forty one it all started....

It all started one morning when we were scrubbing the deck, and as a lightning from a clear sky the watch boy cried “Whale calf at south south west!”.

We all sprang like clockwork to see the mighty beast. The captain and two whalers took a sailing boat out to it. It looked like it had lost its mother.

The captain drew his lead spear and threw it at the beast. It was like time had stopped. It didn't fight or tried to swim away. The crew rejoiced as the mighty beast was laid long starside of the boat, tied with ropes. The whaling ship was large and made from sturdy oak planks and just a few metres longer than the whale now at her side. The chef and the cabin boys carved a hole in the whale and went inside to fill the barrels with whale oil from the guts. Then the innards, then the fat, and then the gooby meat. All parts of the whale was used and the bones were carved into spoons and knifes and forks. The oil was stored undership, for our return to the dock, the fat was used to light the fireplace and the meat was salted and stored for later consumption. The ship rejoiced as we ate that night, all together in the crew cabin with the captain holding a victory speech.

We ate the meat and drank the soup made on the bones and the salted innards until long unto the night. That night we all had a pitcher of scotch and a piece of pudding after the main meal. And all of the crew got the next day off.

But over the next few weeks things changed. We had plenty of meat for the next many months and if not meat, we had soup. And every week we would catch fish and dolphins to keep us fed. It would seem our luck never stopped, people felt good and being on this ship was no longer a bitter duty but a joy. It was like we were all under a spell…

On the sixtyseventh day we saw another whale and once again it didnt fight back.

After day seventy four we had filled our storage of whale oil, we were set to go home.

But it would would be a long way home...

That night the screams came. People waking up covered in sweat with horror in their eyes, all describing the same dream of crawling into a whale to get oil and then being grabbed. On day seventy eight we found the first crewmate dead. It was on the toilet overhanging the open sea. A slit throat and a bloody knife in his hands. Clearly self inflicted. On the inside of the door was written the words “turn back” in the crewmates own excrement with and exclamation mark in blood on the end. The captain called for a meeting between him, his firstmate, the ship vicar and the watch officer, to discuss an immediate return. That night, as the crew started eating there were mumbling. Mumbeling that this was the work of someone on board, praying to evil omens. The next few days were horrible. Two young boys were lynched and thrown overboard before the captain could step in. Three men killed for treason to the ship and one killed by the firstmate on that same evening for conspiring to lynch again. The crew and the young boys and the few slaves on board, were in a state of suspicion. No one trusted each other and people started to question each other a little too loud. Fights and cries of madness was commonplace enough. The captain, the firstmate, the vicar and about half the ship, had locked the bad apples in the whale oil storage. The next week they were all found, having drowned in the oil. The bad dreams started to get worse, more and more people started describing scenes of mutiny, killer whales, ghosts and death. Terror and madness had taken half the crew by day onehundred and twenty and only three fourths of the sailors that departed that day on the dock, was still alive. No one dared to go in the crewcabin because you could still hear the screams at night. Some of the sailors slept outside and in the hallway in front of the captains quarters. The first rat was spotted on deck and the food  in the captains storage ran out and an expedition to the crewcabin was set in motion. When the last of the crewboys entered the stench of death and filth rose out of the cabins. But there were no one, scribbles on the walls and corpses half eaten by the rats now numbering fifty to sixty. The chef laying dead on the main dinning tabble with a dagger in his heart, fashioned from bone whale as was the knife that killed the young man on the toilet.

It took four hours to carry the corpses to the deck, wrapping them in their hammocks and returning them to the sea.

The had by now went from lean to racks. The food was recovered, atleast all the food that hadnt been covered in death and filth.

The next days, the ship was quite and the rations small. We saw plenty of whales but we had not nearly enough man power to kill it, so we resorted to fishing and eating salted whale.

It was like the salted whale tasted like madness.

Then i had my nightmare.

It was quit and the sea had calmed.  The sun was shining and there were no land in sight. The heat creeped close to the water and the ship planks were warm. I laid down on them and felt warmth deep in my spine and bones. It all started one morning when we were It started with me scrubing the deck, and as a lightning from a clear sky the watch boy cried “Whale calf at south south west!”.

We all sprang like clockwork to see the mighty beast. The captain and two whalers took a sailing boat out to it. It looked like it had lost its mother.

The captain drew his lead spear and threw it at the beast. It was like time had stopped. It didnt fight or tried to swim away. The crew rejoiced as the mighty beast was laid long starside of the boat, tied with ropes.

When the others were well fed and in a merry drunk sleep, i heard it.

Like a cry of a dying person, i was laying in my hammock watching the oil lamp flickering and hearing the others snoore like thunder. I remember walking around to see if anyone was hurt. It wasnt from anyone in the cabin so i tried to sleep again.

I stepped with trembeling feet, over the cold wooden planks and up the little stairs to the deck. The door flung open and i went from thunderous snooring and squiking of rats to a complete and terrifying silence.

It was not wood but rock i steeped out to. The deck fragmented on islands pierced by sharp rocks, like the bottom of the sea had pierced the ship from the bottom up.

Floating islands and the smell of whale lanterns.

Whales swimming by in the air and fog rising like a serpent from the void beneath.

An infinite dark sky all around and an infinitly deep void below.

And in an instant i was on a solitude rock in the middle of a raging sea, waves as high as the clouds and foam and water hitting my face. I was safe and a path a razor sharp rocks were laid out for me. My feet were bleeding and every little jump to the next rock, stung like lightning. Around the corner of the waves overshadowing me, there stood a man.

Eyes as black as the grave and with a strange mark on his hand. He looked at me and said, “turn back! i am the outsider and i command you to turn back”. His face contorted into a grim monster like thing and then the waves crashed down upon my and pinned me on the sharp rock. When i woke up i felt like i had been stabbed in the spine, in the place where the dream rock had pierced my body.

I could not speak for the remainder of the evening and the captain saw with worry on me.

The day was now onehundred and thirty five and the crew had been reduced to the officers and the captain and me.

[turtles-are-queer]

Okay so like pattons a human right

And he moves into this old GGGGIIIAAANANTTTT house

That has demons ghosts and vampires in it

Right

And logans a fucking demon

But patton doesnt take his shit and just becomes a weird roomate

And virgils this ghost boi and hes just kinda there

Like "sup how are ya"

"AAAAAHHH virgil please stop just apearing its spooky"

One day pattons trying to catch this bat in his attic and remys just like "uckin hands off me gremlin" and pattons just "oh! Sorry i didnt realize!" And remys just *"human form" but like a vampire* "ya bitch, lets get some damn starbucks"

Romans his friend

But hes like a witch

But not like the real witches yknow, hes like harry potter wand steryotyp, definetly rides a broom just to be an extra fuck

So like this house is fuckin huge too okay. It was super cheap because ghost vamp and 2 demons. Its supperrr old and like a mansion but its spooky

Patton doesnt know its spooky when he buys it

But the moment he enters the house all 4 of them are just "kay we cant kick this one out look, no ones swept the floor in 5 years, he cleaned the damn window"

Oh yeah okay deceits a demon

But also like hes one trying to be a normal demon but it doesnt fuking work

Like *standing ominously in a hallway with glowing eyes*

Patton: "logannnnn hes doing it again!"

Logan: go to bed deceit, we cant keep doing this

So roman is liek "a moved huh? How is it?"

"Kinda weird? I have a few roomates you should meet!"

"I thought... You were living alone?"

"Yeah thats what i thought too"

Roman comes over and remy just slides down the staircase like "WHO BROUGHT SILVER INTO THIS DAMN HOUSE PATTON YOU K N O W I CANT DO SILVER"

Patton gets a text like "who is wearing the anti demon symbol? Youre upseting de"

Virgils just like "oooooo* breaks a plate on his head*

Patton: "Virgil! This is our guest!"

They all become good friends after a while but the only thing holding them together is

patton

Remy sometimes asks for a drink

Patton gives him starbucks

Remy is always like "ou know thats nowhat i meant" and still drinks it anyway

Roman definetly is over at that house every other night

12 guest bed rooms? Hell yeah sleep overs!

And he does magic ALL. THE. TIME. No thoughts over consequences

Just "hey can i do an explosion spell ive never tried on this apple as it sits on your head?"

"SURE!"

Logan, who has grown attached: no the fuck you wont

" deceit can you please stop the ominous steps! I have to go to work tommorow i need sleep!"

Roman accidently introduces virgil to emo music and suddenly patton has to give virgil a curfew kn when hes allowed to blast music in the basement cause he needs sleep

Roman "AH FUCK A BIRD" *frantically swatting at remy*

Remy: THE FUCK DID YOU CALL ME? THE SECOND YOU TAKE OFF THAT SILVER EARRING IM GONNA FUCKING TAKE ALL OF YOUR BLOOD

Roman yeets another plate into the abyss, smashing it on the fridge. "Boys! Come on please someones gotta replace these plates!"

Roman and virgil: "sorry pat... "

I hate everything my first thought was Patton punishing them with "get on top of the fridge! Get up there!" vine

" this hoUSE IS A FUCKING N I G H T M A R E"

Virgil: "No shit sherlock theres 54 things in this house that could kill you and im not even counting the supernatural yet"

One of the 54 things on Virgil's list is the blender. He does Not Trust It

No one knows when he died, least of all him.  He definetly is suspicious of all technology

Remy uses a perfect mix of old slang and new slang

He cant exactly.. CONTROL some of his demon like qualitys and he hates it. He tries to be profesional and stay calm but then hes crawling on the ceiling and pattons got the spray bottle again and hes like "fuck"

Sometimes tries to murder people

Has tries to murder roman twice

Got the spray bottle

Has stopped

I wouldn't expect anything less

Please tell me he's got a pavlovian fear response to any and all spray bottles now

No not all spray bottles, for instance if he sees a bottle of windex he thinks "thank god, someones cleaning" but if he sees the " bad demon" spray bottle then he immedietly focuses harder on not doing The Thing™

The bottles just filled with Water. Thats it. Its not holy water or anything cause patton doesnt wanna hurt him, but he keeps it in the fridge so its cold water and wakes him up a bit and makes him more aware of what hes doing

Deceit sometimes goes in timeout within a salt circle if hes killed something or someone

Salt circle of shame

Deceit and remy work tagteam. Deceit murders them, remy gets the blood. But they dont just like murder anyone, only peices of shit like sometimes de will be being all spooky in an ally and see some asshat trying to rape someone, immedietly murders them and remy gets a Nice Sip

Virgil knows but doesnt see a reason to bring it up since hes seen alot of murders in his life.

No one knows how

Hes ominous

Only i know for now

Remy apoligises for having virgil watch since he looks and acts like a teenager, but virgil just shrugs and says that. Remy is Suspicious™

He thinks he's kidding at first but it happens again and Virgil is, if possible, even more deadpan about it, and then he /suspects/

Patton is Worried™ when virgil says stuff like that. Like pattons a bit decensitized to death after a while of living with them and one day he like "oh virgi! Dont look over there deceit left another corpse! Ugh its just awful"

"Ive seen worse"

"Virge no-"

Pattin gives logan a pair of his old glasses since logan cant fuckin see

-

Virgil got long hair fuck you

-

Roman introduced virgil to memes. Worst mistake hes ever made

-

“Where you ever human logan?”

“At a time, yes. However, i do not remember anything from that time in my life”

“Was deceit?”

“No, patton. Hes never known a shred of humanity.”

“Who did this to you two?”

“I wish i knew… i would assume only satan himself could turn a man into a hideous beast like me”

“I dont think youre a monster lo..”

“..... Thank you Patton”

-

Logan and deceit eat souls. In this universe, a sould is stored in the heart. Already dead people dont have souls anymore, they have already became a ghost, or moved to an afterlife.

No you cannot eat a ghost.

Souls taste different

Pattons would taste like berries and hot chocolate.

There is a strict “no eating patton” rule set in place by virgil

Yes, this rule does extend to remy

No he cannot have “just a sip”

-

Virgil does NOT like the appliences in the house.

Hes scared of the blender.

After patton had fully moved in, he was wandering around the kitchen one night and pushed a button on the blender

When it started making noise and moving virgil promptly screamed and threw it at the wall

He apoligized to patton once they became friends.

He is scared of the washing machine too

-

Reny started living there about 50 years ago

Virgil TRIED to get him to leave before they could eat him

Remy assured him he had no soul since he was a vampire and just kept coming back to sleep there.

They sorta just accepted it  

[viralhottopics]

What we learned from the Golden Globes: Meryl Streep always wins and Ryan Gosling never fails

The curtain has fallen on this years ceremony and heres our key takeaways, including the best anti-Trump speech, the wittiest mention of syphilis and what it all means for next months Oscars

Theres no stopping La La Land, the post-truth underdog

Right from the start, which saw Jimmy Fallons opening skit entirely devoted to a spoof of La La Land, it was obvious Damien Chazelles hymn to Hollywood had converted the 90-odd members of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association men and women who had left their homelands to travel to La La Land and pen their own hymns to Hollywood.

But just how faithful the converts proved couldnt quite be predicted: the film took seven gongs over the evening (best song, best score, best director, best screenplay, best actor, best actress, best comedy or musical), beating the likes of One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest to make new record.

Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone with their awards. Photograph: Kevork Djansezian/NBC/(Credit too long, see caption)

So how did they do it? Especially when some of the awards (such as screenplay) were felt by some to be a bit optimistic? Well, that opening sequence was also significant, because it showed that La La Land is a lot easier to parody than, say, Moonlight (black gay man in Miami struggles with sexuality and addict mother) and Manchester by the Sea (gloomy janitor returns home after the death of his brother to grapple with previous family tragedy) and may end up with a lot more cultural currency, even significance, as a result.

That the Globes split their categories (drama and comedy or musical) naturally favours movies such as Chazelles, but, as Benjamin Lee pointed out in his liveblog, every La La acceptance speech also pushed the notion of the movie as an underdog a crazy mad idea and a wild punt for the studio to back.

But remember: this is a romance starring Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone, directed by a man whose most recent movie won three Oscars, and which like Argo and The Artist strokes that hand that feeds it. But, whatever works.

Unless its the actual underdog

La La Lands main rival, Barry Jenkinss Moonlight, went into the race with nearly the same number of nominations, and came away with just one win. But what a win: best drama. The fact it was robbed in the supporting actor category (where Mahershala Ali lost out to Aaron Taylor-Johnson) may even help its chances going forward for what we now have is a genuine underdog (albeit one thats so far picked up 120 awards) with a little outraged momentum behind it (thought #JusticeForMoonlight felt a bit of a trending punt). The last movie to take just best drama at the Globes? Best picture Oscar winner 12 Years a Slave

Congratulations can still come with a bouquet of barbed wire

Despite significant wins for actors of colour actors this year, there were slightly fewer than expected (see Ali), and efforts to forget the #OscarsSoWhite controversy were undermined by not one, but two, people (George Bushs daughter, Michael Keaton) conflating the names of the two big nominated movies featuring black actors. Fences are still visible; perhaps Figures still arent, quite.

Meryl 2020

Meryl Streep attacks Donald Trump in Golden Globes speech

Can a blonde white woman in her late 60s defeat Donald Trump? If anyone can, Meryl can. Her speech picking up the Cecil B DeMille lifetime achievement award was easily the runaway moment of the night: impassioned, funny, fearless and picking up perhaps the prize dreadful moment in the president-elects campaign: his mocking of a disabled reporter on the campaign trail.

It kind of broke my heart, and I saw it, and I still cant get it out of my head because it wasnt in a movie. It was real life. And this instinct to humiliate when its modelled by someone in the public platform by someone powerful, it filters down into everybodys life because it kind of gives permission for other people to do the same thing.

Disrespect invites disrespect. Violence incites violence. When the powerful use definition to bully others, we all lose.

Trump duly responded, not on Twitter, but by telling the New York Times he hadnt watched the show but was not surprised that the liberal movie people ridiculed him. Sad!

Hugh Laurie for VP

A shock choice for supporting actor in a drama series over favourite John Lithgow for that other great statesman, Churchill but Laurie made up for it with a pitch-perfect address, which preceded Streeps and lamented that this was likely the last Globes ceremony. Accepting the prize on behalf of psychopathic billionaires everywhere, Laurie said:

I dont mean to be gloomy, its just that it has the words Hollywood, Foreign and Press in the title. I just dont know I also think to some Republicans, even the word association is slightly sketchy.

Viola Davis for secretary of state

A controversial one this, not because she aced the supporting actress performance for which she won her prize, nor for her great speech, nor even her composed anti-Trump rant backstage:

Viola Davis makes powerful anti-Trump speech backstage at Golden Globes

But for allowing us all to get a glimpse of the real Streep, sharing a strange food-shaming incident in her introduction to the great woman.

Streep: Whatd you do last night, Viola?

Davis: Oh, I cooked an apple pie.

Streep: Did you use Pippin apples?

Davis: Pippin apples, What the hell is Pippin apples? I used Granny Smith apples.

Streep: Did you make your own crust?

Davis: No, I used store-bought crust. Thats what I did.

Streep: Then you didnt make an apple pie, Viola.

Davis: Well, thats because I spent all my time making collard greens! I make the best collard greens. I use smoked turkey, chicken stock and my special BBQ sauce.

Streep: Well, they dont taste right unless you use ham hocks. If you dont use ham hocks, it doesnt taste the same.

Accidents can happen, thank God

In what looked like one of the most locked-down ceremonies in years, a couple of bona fide surprises leapt out. The first with the HFPAs love for Paul Verhoevens hot-potato rape revenge comedy Elle a movie previously deemed too controversial for major acclaim. But it took not just best foreign language film (over the more politically safe Toni Erdmann) but also best actress for Isabelle Huppert: now a major Oscar contender, leaving both previous frontrunners (Natalie Portman and Emma Stone), fretting into their frocks.

The second shocker also showcased the Globess more offbeat taste: two big wins (best comedy series, best actor for Donald Glover) for Atlanta, about the citys rap scene. The Globes can be notoriously wacky this time round, in a good way.

We need to pin our hopes on the other Jimmy

Fallon had a lot to live up to. In part because Amy Poehler and Tina Fey set such a high benchmark for this gig a couple of years back; also because Fallon patsied to Trump on his chatshow a couple of months back. But despite a few early digs at the president-elect, he failed to deliver. Most glaring was his inability to competently wing it when the teleprompter broke. All such issues were highlighted by the brilliance of some of the presenters, in particular Kristen Wiig, who having stolen the showin 2013 with her Will Ferrell double act, repeated the trick this time with Steve Carell. Can fellow talk-show host Jimmy Kimmel top it at the Oscars next month? Probably.

Heartthrobs are called heartthrobs for a reason

Ryan Goslings best actor speech saw peak metrosexual pin-up this year: losing nominees Ryan Reynolds and Andrew Garfield shared a snog, while Gosling further confirmed his dreaminess at the podium. He ended his speech by paying tribute to his lady Eva Mendes for looking after their daughter and her brother (who had cancer, and to whose memory he dedicated the prize) while she was pregnant with their second child and he was off twinkling his toes on La La Land. So, sweetheart, thank you.

Tom Hiddleston, meanwhile, went full humanitarian, closing with a story about a recent trip to South Sudan with the UN Childrens Fund and dedicating his prize to aid workers everywhere. The weird cuts to Christian Slater and the kids from Stranger Things didnt help, but it was still stirring stuff.

The Brits are coming! But so is Netflix

Hiddleston won for The Night Manager, the Beebs big hit of the night gongs also for Laurie and Olivia Colman but the series-which-should-have-been-made-by-the-BBC-but-wasnt took best TV series (drama) and best actress (for Claire Foy). After the anti-climatic hoohah around Netflixs first big film production, Beasts of No Nation, the streaming service finally made good. Lucky, given The Crown still has five very expensive series still to fund and run.

Real actors are never off

Lithgow backstage with Claire Foy and Peter Morgan. Photograph: Mario Anzuoni/Reuters

Greatest ad-lib of the night? Probably John Lithgow, who channelled Churchill with aplomb in the press room. Being told his fly was undone, Lithgow quoted back the great cigar-chomper: Its not a problem. A dead bird never leaves its nest. The runners-up prize goes to Hugh Grant, wrongly leaked as the winner of best actor (comedy or musical), who describes the plot of Florence Foster Jenkins as, accurately enough, about a woman slowly dying of syphilis.

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