#i disappeared for a bit because i simply got focused on other projects ^^

[isatinformation]

hi sorry for disappearing for 2 months but LOOK I MADE A TOC SIDEBAR

i also made the site better on mobile so that's a thing now :>

[imraespace]

LIFE'S HARD WHEN YOU'RE INLOVE ─

─ WITH RIN ITOSHI !!

━ 9:29 AM

After your cake giving, homeroom had ended, and now it's first period, Art.

Art is an okay subject for you, you actually enjoy it.

Though, today's class is a bit different than the others.

Today, the teacher gave a project. Group project! Your mood visually fell when you heard those words.

After the wave of annoyed groans, the teacher explained everything to the class. It was a duo project where both partners have to come together and create a poster based of one thing they like. It has to include calligraphy, as it's the current main topic in class.

A duo.. but there's three of you, Meguru, Yoichi and yourself.

As if on cue, you three share a look then back at the teacher. The teacher already made the pairs, which caused a gloom cloud over the class.

Though, as if the teacher loves your friends, they got in pairs, both Meguru and Yoichi. Though, is she on your side as well? The name Rin Itoshi shocked you to the core.

You're sharing a project with him..

Your eyes made their way to him, on the outside it looked like he wasn't one bit fazed but how does he feel on the inside?

The class got in their pairs and that's how you, Y/N L/N, sat next to Rin Itoshi for a whole period.

━ 12:39 PM

Rin left the class, without giving you any info, on where and when to meet up. He didn't really look pleased about the project either way.

At the end of the class, the groups got together and already started planning, which left you and Rin behind. Normally, you always do your schoolwork late but in past school projects, you do the work first and then leave the rest for the others. But right now you can't do anything if your partner isn't here.

But thank goodness, you know where your partner always disappears to. So with that thought, you made your way to the field.

This time around, normally the whole team is present at the field but it seems that this lunch is different. Some stuck around but there he is, practicing alone.

You stood by the benches for a while, staring at his figure, you didn't feel the need to break him out of his zone.

Your mind then wandered, thinking about the project. What's his favorite thing? Will it work out with yours? Everyone knows you love sweets, what will he choose?

Nevermind, too deep into your thoughts, you fail to notice that he had made his way towards you a while ago. His shoes are now in your field of vision and slowly, you looked up and was greeted with his face.

You didn't say a word, just stood up. He stared at you for a bit, wondering why you were here. Then it hit him and he sighed.

"If you're here because of the project, we can do it later." HE simply stated.

You nodded at his words, but there's little information given in there.

"But.. we can at least plan a time and where to meet up.." You mumbled as he was collecting his water.

He sat himself on the bench, drinking his water while taking in your words.

"We can meet up after school and you can choose a place to go."

You sat back on the bench, nowhere close to him though. You thought about his words. Where to meet up?

The pros and cons of this are back at your place, you have everything you need, thanks to Reo but what if he also has them at his place? The cons are that you have your roommates and he has his snack-stealing brother..

"I don't mind if we go to my place.." You muttered. He stole a glance at you and then muttered a small okay. Then it was quiet again.

He was the first to break it, standing back up to resume his practice.

"I will see you at hometime then." He ended, walking back onto the field.

"Okay.." You said, yet he wasn't there to hear you.

You had yet to leave, still on the bench and your eyes followed his every move. He noticed it, wondering why you were still here but he threw it in the back of his mind, focusing on the ball.

Slowly, the idea of spending time with Rin is hitting your brain. You can't even sit next to him yet you're gonna spend time with him alone? Wow..

You sighed, standing up, and decided to head to the library for some help on this project. Without you knowing, his eyes followed you, wondering what you were gonna do in the library.

Then he stopped himself and sighed. He's supposed to be practicing right now, not wanting your eyes on him for some reason.

━ 4:00 PM

The final bell rang, signaling that school was over.

"Did you get to speak to your partner?" Meguru asked, poking your back.

Yoichi turned to see what your response would be. However, before you could, said partner had made his way toward your table.

"Let's go and get it over with." He simply stated, ignoring your friends beside you.

Wow, so demanding.. It's making you blush a bit. You nodded at his words, scrambling to collect your books to pack them away in your bag. After a while, you stood up, looking at the boy before you. He nodded and began walking, with you trailing behind.

You left your friends alone, staring at each other with a confused look.

"Wasn't he a bit.. bold.." Yoichi muttered.

Meguru nodded.

"And the way she acted.. If it was me she would've.."

Yoichi just patted his back.

"It's okay, let's just go."

.

.

.

Rin walked in front, while you were in the back. It's not that you wanted to be left behind, well you don't mind it because it's a great view you get but it's simply because he's literally 6 feet tall.

The more you stared at him, the more you realized that you barely knew anything about the boy, you literally don't even know his age.

Maybe this project can change all of that. It lasts for five days anyways.

Slowly, you sped up a bit to catch up a bit, but it was no use..

Sighing, you accepted the fact that compared to him you're short and decided to stay in the back for the long walk home.

.

.

.

Outside the school building, he stopped in his tracks and turned to face you, which caught you off guard.

"I don't know the place to your home." He muttered.

Oh yeah.. Wait, walk home..

You scanned the area and saw your roommates, waiting by the school gate for you.

Rin noticed the shift in your emotions and turned his head in the direction you were looking in.

"Hold on for a minute.." You mumbled, running away from the boy.

Your roommate, Reo, eyes landed on your figure which he thought that you were here for them, and began walking away with Seishiro mindlessly walking behind him.

"WAIT! Dang.." You called out, making the boys stop in their tracks.

"What?" Reo asked, turning around to face you.

You let out the breath you were holding in and began talking.

"I have an Art project to complete-"

"Same." Seishiro stated.

"..Okay and it's a group project-"

"Oh, we have one as well, we're partners," Reo said.

You rolled your eyes at the idea of them interrupting you and the fact that not only Yoichi and Meguru got each other but your roommates have each other. What next, Hyoma has Kunigami? You don't even know Kunigami but y'know..

Anyways, you gave them a look to zip it and they obeyed.

"I'm gonna walk home with my partner, so you guys are alone today." You ended.

They stared at each other for a bit then nodded and left. You sighed, turning around to collect Rin but saw that he was already making his way towards you.

"I'm ready now." You said. He acknowledged your words and you led the way to your home, leaving the fact that those boys were your roommates and told him absolutely nothing.

━ 4:20 PM

The walk wasn't that long and it wasn't uncomfortable either. You snacked on some chocolate you had in your bag on the way there but finally, you arrived.

You both made your way up to the apartment room, Rin's eyes staring at the decoration around the building. No surprise, the apartment you there live in is indeed big in size, you live with Reo Mikage.

Though, in Rin's mind, he wonders what your parents do for a living. He has something mixed up.

Finally, you made it to the door and were about to open it until you heard noises inside, which you silently slapped yourself for not warning Rin.

"I literally forgot about them.." You mumbled.

"Who? You're parents?"

"Parents?" You thought out loud, turning to face Rin.

Now he was confused.

"Huh?" He asked.

Before you could turn the door knob, Reo did for you, guess you both weren't very soft in volume..

"You're here- HE'S YOUR PARTNER?" Reo asked out loudly.

You motioned for him to quiet down, placing your finger to your lips and making a "shh" noise.

"Doesn't Sei stop at the arcade I thought you both wouldn't be home right now." You muttered.

"Well, we have our own project, remember?" He said, opening the door wider.

You turned to face Rin, motioning for him to enter first, and slowly he did. I guess he wasn't expecting them..

You entered your home and realized that they already took the living room..

"DON'T YOU BOTH HAVE YOUR ROOMS TO CHOOSE?" You asked out loudly this time.

"It's closer to the kitchen," Seishiro mumbled, playing whatever game was connected to the TV screen. At least there are books on the coffee table but they aren't really taking this project planning well huh.

You sighed, realizing that you have to take your CRUSH to your room.

Reo shrugged his shoulder at you then made his way back onto the couch.

You rolled your eyes, making your way towards your room with loud thuds, with Rin following quietly behind.

.

.

You made it to your door, mentally checking to remember if your room is messy or not. You sighed, slowly opening the door, and were greeted with your room, thankfully it wasn't as messy as you thought it would be. Just a semi-unmade bed and a few textbooks that rests on your desk where your laptop rest on, thats all.

You walked in as he followed and you closed the door. He sat on your bed, taking a look around your bedroom, admiring whatever posters and decorations you had up.

You weren't expecting to be locked up in your room with him, which is why your confidence went down a bit and you might explode but let's play it cool!

You pulled the chair from your desk up closer to the boy, got a spare book and pen and started off the session.

You stared at your floor, clicking the top of the pen as you thought of what questions you can ask him.

"Um.. well to be honest, before we could talk about our favorite things, we barely even know each other.." You softly pointed out.

He hummed at your words, staring at the blank page on your lap.

"Okay I guess, ask me anything then." He said.

Your face burned up at the given access he gave you. You can ask him anything..

"Okay.. let's start off simple, how old are you?" You asked.

He blinked at your words.

"You don't know how old I am?"

Okay, now you're embarrassed.

"Am I supposed to?"

He scratched his head at your question, gazing away from your eyes.

"Well yeah.. I already know yours.. you're 17 right?" He answered.

Now you're scratching your head and gazing away.

"Yeah I am.." You muttered.

He turned to look back at you and answered your previous question.

"I'm 16."

"YOU'RE WHAT?"

"Is that wrong?"

"NO.. no it's not.. I just thought you would've been older than me or at least my age.." You softly said.

He shrugged at your reaction.

"Whatever I guess, do you want me to ask you a question?" He asked and you nodded.

He began to wonder.

"What's your hobby?"

"Hobby?"

He nodded. You never really had one, before this random change in your emotions to do something, you didn't really do anything.

And Rin found that off based on your reaction he got.

"..So you don't have one?" He asked.

You stared at the ground, realizing how boring you were.

"Uhm.. I guess, baking..?" You thought out loud.

"You guess?" He asked.

You nodded.

"I mean, growing up that's what I always learned to do.." You explained.

"Not to judge, but I always thought you just slept." He confessed.

"Oh, I do!" You exclaimed.

And he raised his eyebrow at your words.

"So your hobby isn't baking?"

"I don't know, I haven't really thought of a hobby."

"You need to think of a hobby..?"

Okay, now you're just embarrassing yourself. Your view of a normal life is quite different from others. The more you learn you guess..

"Okay um, what's something you love? That we can use for the project." You said.

Rin realized that you want to drop the past topic and he did just that, thankfully.

"Horror."

"Hor-what..?" You blankly asked.

"Horror." He said, seriously this time.

You stared at him for a while, then wrote it down.

"Okay.." You mumbled.

"What about you?" He asked, completely not noticing the problem that he caused.

"Oh um.. Sweets."

"Sweets?"

"Sweets." You said, seriously this time!

You both had a mini staring contest at this time.

You both realized how different you were at that point.

You broke the mini staring contest, looking down at your book. You then decided to keep the fact that you hate horror to yourself, just for the sake of this project.

You thought of ways on how to actually start the project and blurted them out.

"Okay horror.. we can watch your favorite horror movie for inspiration." You muttered.

At least on Rin's side, he completely agreed to that.

"What about you? What's your favorite sweet or candy..?" He softly asked.

You blinked at his words, your favorite dessert, it's one you haven't eaten in a really long time, one your mother always made for you.

"My favorite dessert.. is Bavarian Cream, but I don't wanna make it." You mumbled.

"Oh.. Okay, then choose another one."

"Okay, um.." You muttered, there's a lot to choose.

The boy sighed then suggested something fun.

"Tomorrow, we can visit candy shops or look around for desserts."

"We can!" You exclaimed, writing it down.

Unconsciously, Rin had a small smile on his face after seeing your reaction, then stopped himself when he caught on.

## LIFE'S HARD WHEN YOU'RE INLOVE. --

╴“ WITH RIN ITOSHI?? „

ฅ^._.^ฅ : some things about y/n !! she mostly sleeps through the day, only does stuff IF needed !! with her given gift of being effortlessly smart , all she does in her free time is : nap , eat , sleep. hmm what if.. one day y/n develops a crush and now has to ACTUALLY work to achieve a goal ? : date rin itoshi !!

15 // 17

note: when i first found out im the same age as rin i was shocked BC IDK HE DOESNT SEEM LIKE A 16 YO BC hes so seeerious yk ALSO IM 7 MONTHS OLDER THAN HIM? anyways omg hehe new arc

TAGLIST:@deezy12299 @kuroronana @khoiyyu @swagkittybear @shidousprincess @starbarfbunni @jealovsie @imtiredmf @hainge (OPEN)

! if you didn't get tag, that means your acc didn't show up :(

-`♥︎´- for this story, i'm trying something new, which includes words/phrases, foods and hometowns from japan and germany. if there's any errors please point it out !

-`♥︎´- word count : 2.5K

[saphirered]

hello saph! first off, i'm wishing you good luck on your masters! i'm doing mine next year and i'm super looking forward to it, so i hope everything goes well for you too!! 💖💖💖

now, WELCOME TO THE HOT VAMPIRE ELF CLUB!! may i request Astarion/Reader(Tav) where Tav is a good aligned Life Cleric (or anything similar) that focuses on healing and supporting allies during combat, someone's that's a ray of sunshine because they choose the difficult path of being kind. i'm curious of your take on Astarion receiving genuine kindness, being disgusted at first, the progression of his attempted manipulation, eventually realizing his feelings, and how he would react to Tav being extremely injured in a fight and trying to save them (with good ending hopefully).

oh and maybe some blood drinking. you know. for reasons :-)

you're such a creative writer, i'm always looking forward to anything you post, so thank you! have a lovely day!

Hello dearie and thank you! Uni is tough but worth it so good luck with yours! I hope this little piece of distraction is to your tastes. 😘

Oh how easy it is to wrap you around his finger. Your sickening sweet and sheer willingness to bend over backwards at the smallest inconvenience you have the ability to fix, it’s nauseating. You’d already naturally gravitated towards him. It must be this incessant need to fix the broken. You seem to be attracted to broken things, thinking you can mend them with love and affection and a gentle touch like a stray pulled from the streets. He is no such thing. He is certainly no stray.  A handsome wanderer without a home port, now that’s more like him. But you didn’t need to see that. You didn’t need to know him or his past. As long as Astarion kept on the front he could be your next project, just like these strays you’ve pulled along, well that might just work to his advantage. 

To say you were an absolutely horrible influence on him would be an understatement. Whether it be his thieving and charming tendencies that often lead to heartbreak of the recipient or when his silver tongue is perhaps a little too sharp at times, your disapproval sparked something in the coils of his stomach he has not felt in nigh two-hundred years. Is this what remorse and guilt felt like? Did he want your approval? Your praise? He’s being utterly ridiculous. He has nothing to prove and you are just a tool. But here he is feeling just the slightest bit of guilt at the thought of you finding out the truth about him and how you might look at him then. He considers he might just not be able to look you in the eye. What has he become? 

Admittedly Astarion got a little peckish and without much opportunities to feed himself proper he’d taken to your neck. An attempt was made but you caught him. Your eyes opened and stared right at him in surprise. He was equally surprised, his stealth having failed him. In that moment you managed to flip him onto his back and held your palm to his chest as you crouched over him. You’re much stronger than he gave you credit for. Maybe you just got lucky.

“What the hell Astarion?!” You whisper trying not to wake the others. He can all but heart the beat of your heart, how quickly your blood rushes through your veins. When he doesn’t move you give him a little more space. You don’t move for a weapon or attack him as he might have expected given what it must have looked like. You simply sit down next to him and he watches the tension disappear from your shoulders, the adrenaline rush coming down with. He goes over the excuses, the ways to explain to you but you simply hold up your hand to silence him. He finds it in his best interest to do so. 

“You know you could have just asked.” He freezes like a deer in the torch light. You knew? How? How long had you known? Why hadn’t you said anything, done anything. He’s not blind to the prejudices against the creatures of his sort. Especially the ones that feed on the innocent.  yet here you are in front of him absentmindedly brushing your fingers along the side of your delicious neck. 

“Yes. Yes of course. ‘Hello my dear, I’m a blood sucking vampire spawn would you mind lending me your lovely neck for a few gulps? I’m incredibly peckish and could use a snack.’ Exactly how long do you think it would take for me to end with a stake in my chest or my handsome head removed from my ravishing body?” He ridicules and for a brief moment that pang in his chest, that tightening string reappears when you cast your eyes down and frown. It only lasts for a second before you go back to your neutral welcoming expression of understanding and compassion. 

“I just hoped you’d be able to trust us, trust me. If you’d asked I’d have said yes. Would still say yes. All you need is ask, Astarion.” He tries to decipher any means of deceit or strings attached but finds none which leads him exactly to wonder…

“Why?” You catch on to the hint of suspiciousness and guardedness but you’ve not seen anything else from the elf. You’ve witnessed him for a little bit now and you know he must have his reasons to be mistrusting and always assuming everyone’s selfishness to be the root of any actions. You made him question that entire way of thinking. Whether he deemed you an exception to his usual views, allowed you to prove him differently or he’s simply chalked you up as a very good liar, you don’t know and perhaps neither does he. 

He needed you to trust him. You do trust him. You’ve proven as much yet here he is still questioning your motives. You have your answer ready for him and by the looks of it it would be a genuine one but he doesn’t think he has the heart to actually hear it. He shakes his head. Something within him once again sparks that guilt. He feels bad for his motives of befriending you, of pursuing the path to something more, of charming you perhaps even into his bed if he kept playing his cards right but with every step he takes in that direction he can’t help but feel that guilt, and having to force himself to push down his own feelings. 

“Nevermind.” Once again Astarion flashes you a charming smile. “Now since we have this little secret out of the way, I will ask. Not a drop more than I need?” It feels so incredibly strange to blatantly ask. He knows about certain individuals who have a thing for the sharp teethed and sanguine hungers but that is not you. What you offer is not for you. It’s for him. You want to help him, truly help him and that is why you offer. He’s been feeling so weak. The animals aren’t enough. The humanoid is so much more sustaining. He’ll be strong. He has to be strong if he wants to see this all through, to finally become master of his own fate. An intrusive thought pops through his head; maybe there’s a place for you in that plan as well. 

“Only as much as you need. I’d like to keep my wits about.” The first part is a true statement. The second a half-joke. As much as he needs his strength, so do you. 

“Well then, let’s make ourselves comfortable then, shall we?” He gestures to your bedroll. You simply scoot over.

Astarion, ever so gently as if you might fade into the dawn itself, lays you down. Never once does he break eye contact. You can see the brief hesitation, then reassurance of himself, and then something akin to pain. It crosses his features in but an instant but you catch on to it either way. It seems he’s noticed you catch on but he does not read into you further. Instead he softens, brushes aside your hair as he supports your neck and back. You place one of your hands on his bicep and give a reassuring squeeze and nod. He closes his eyes and sucks in a breath before making for your neck. 

It starts as a sharp and quick pain but is overtaken by a the awareness of the sheer rush of your own blood flowing through your veins. He drinks and drinks. You gasp his name, once more squeezing his arm but no response. He’s caught up in whatever runs through him, whatever keeps him latched onto your neck. You start to feel cold, then warm and lightheaded. You can feel your heartbeat speed up as well as your breathing calms and slows. 

He doesn’t know what overcame him. This isn’t anything he’s experienced before. This is pure euphoria. You are pure euphoria. Your heart, your mind, your very soul. He doesn’t know if it’s because of the tadpole. It has to be. He feels it all. He feels it as if those feelings are his own. He feels the warmth you radiate as it warms him from within like the rays of the sun he thought he’d never be able to feel again, not without them being his end. Your compassion and affections for him, the way you allow him to cradle you, how you fit so perfectly within his embrace. You hold him dearly and think highly of him even if sometimes you disapprove of his choices, words and actions there’s not but understanding to him. Whatever this is, it is unconditional. No one has ever held an unconditional affection for him. He won’t go as far to call it love, but in a way it is. You truly do care about him. Even the whisper of his name upon your breath is like charm bells to his ears. The way you hold on to him, it means everything. And in turn it makes him regret every step he’s taken, every step he knows will lead to your heartbreak and destruction. But all this he feels through you, all this that opens within himself it is addicting and he can’t pull himself away.

By the time he stops you’re not responding. Your body is unmoving. Shit. He can fix this. Of course he can fix this. The matter now comes down to testing the limits of your forgiveness.

[theleetoalerandalertoalee]

Ler!Alhaitham x Lee!Kaveh

Day 4 - Weak Spot

I know that the plot “weak spot” isn’t tied very well in this but I hope you all enjoy it either way ^^

“This is killing me-! How can he say no to this design?!”

Alhaitham came into his house, disappearing to his room immediately upon entry. The Acting Grand Sage wanted nothing to do with whatever it was that the architect was whining about.

“Agh…I followed everything he asked for! I can’t lower the rate or price any more! These materials- this is insane!”

Alhaitham spoke from his seat in his room, “is this level of volume necessary to complete your project?”

“Well- no- but it’s just- it’s really annoying!”

“Oh. I couldn’t tell.”

The architect scoffs, looking away, “can’t you pretend that you care for once?!”

“Fine,” Alhaitham stands up, setting down his book and walking towards the architect.

“Kaveh, I can see more of your designs than I can of the very floor in the house.”

“Well, I’m sorry that you simply don’t understand what the lifestyle of an architect consists of!”

“Does it include being on the poverty line?”

“You-! Ugh- I don’t even know why I bother with you!”

Alhaitham suddenly puts his hand on the window in the back of Kaveh’s shirt.

The architect jolts forward in his seat, caught off-guard, “ghk-! What are you doing?”

Alhaitham speaks from his stance behind Kaveh, “there’s no words that I can say that’ll get through that thick skull you have. So, I’m going to not attempt that route anymore.”

Alhaitham slides his fingers down Kaveh’s shoulder blades, focusing on the muscles right beside the architect’s spine. The Acting Grand Sage knew full well what he was doing.

Kaveh gasps, “ah-! Wh- what are you doing? Stop that-! Gah!”

Completely ignoring his words, Alhaitham continues, “you were at the tavern the other day, as always. You kept griping about how tense your shoulders have been because of stress- and, since you don’t take care of it- you’re making it my problem, so here am I fixing it.”

Alhaitham digs his thumbs into the muscle he was grazing with his fingertips just seconds beforehand.

“Alhaitham wait- don’t!”

Alhaitham ignores Kaveh, continuing with his mischievous massage with the smallest of smirks on his face. Kaveh jolts in his seat, laughter pouring out of him, like the wine that’s seemingly pouring endlessly into his glass at night.

“Hm, I’m surprised that somehow you can become louder than before I came home. I could have sworn I could hear your complaining from the House of Daena. I’ll wager the researchers at Sanctuary of Surasthana can hear you now.”

“Alhaitham-! Wh- hahahahaha! This isn’t- hahaha- helping!! Hahahaha!”

“This is your weak spot, so you might as well embrace it.”

“Wh-? How do you know- hahahahaha!”

“You can barely handle even fabric on this spot, so it’s natural to infer this.”

“Well it’s uncomfortable to wear- gah! Stop it- hahahahaha!”

“Hm, I doubt you actually want me to stop. You are free to stand up and walk away, and yet you haven’t.”

Kaveh’s face flushed. Alhaitham is right- of course he is…when is he not, at this point?

“Just shut it- hahahahahaha!”

“Now you want it to be quiet? Hm, how amusing.”

Kaveh gives up acting like he wants it to end. He needed this attention. He’s been nothing but neglected, and the only attention he got was when he was being degraded or rejected…but just this once…neither of those are the case, and it’s nice to say the least.

Alhaitham stops the massage, walking away to his room silently to continue reading his book.

Kaveh whirls around in his seat, feeling more relaxed but a bit disappointed that it was over, “umm- Alhaitham…?”

The Acting Grand Sage turns, waiting to hear what the roommate had to say.

“Thank you…”

“Sure.”

Alhaitham continued to read his book quietly. For the first night in a while, Kaveh reached for a bottle or water rather than a glass of wine. Maybe this weakness is a secret benefit after all…

[tremendouskoalachild]

i like Barriss Offee well enough but don't enjoy anything she's in and haven't watched or read any of it in like 12 years so. i'd appreciate an update or correction if anyone knowledgeable sees this. but here's my likely very skewed understanding of the situation:

2002's attack of the clones arena scene has many jedi, though most show up for a single shot or so, and they have many different alien designs to make it visually interesting. a lot of them don't do anything (not to distract from the main characters' action and because of the limitations of a greenscreen set, as well as some of the costumes and prosthetics not being well suited to action).

two of these background jedi are green-ish ladies with facial markings and head coverings (is this originally for a practical reason because face paint is more complicated when the character's hairline is visible? i don't know enough about film make-up to guess)

Lucas isn't interested in or simply doesn't have the time to establish lore for random background characters, and movie tie-in material is pumped out quickly to drive hype for the films and make the most out of the films' relevance. the early reference books and pre-aotc novels are not very consistent (remember when Tholothians were canonically just humans wearing funny hats for a while? i remember). Luminara and Barriss are officially humans and Jedi Knights for a bit. Barriss' face markings are connected to Depa Billaba's culture.

Barriss doesn't have an official age for a while but is assumed to be around Anakin's age or a bit older.

the Mirialan species is established in the lore, Barriss and Luminara being members. their tattoos are now a part of Mirialan culture. it is established that Mirialans have a deep cultural respect for the Force and Mirialan Jedi often take other Mirialans on as students.

authors are allowed to play around with the side characters because that won't impact the films. Barriss is established as a talented compassionate healer and is the main character of the MedStar duology (2004).

Barriss is at first planned to be one of the Jedi shown executed during Order 66 but the scene is cancelled, much like Shaak Ti and Luminara.

The Clone Wars 3D animated show (2008) begins development a while after the prequels end and slowly starts overwriting the Clone Wars multimedia project, because it is made with Lucas. an effort is made to keep the two projects consistent but it becomes more and more difficult the longer the show goes on. the show does incorporate some lore or events from prior media, but regularly changes them to fit its plot and characterization.

Ahsoka is the child audience pov character and needs a peer for some storylines. there are no young teen girl Jedi in the films but Barriss is close enough and her design fits well with the tcw aesthetic, which often prefers hairless characters for its animation style, especially in the early seasons. she is changed to be around Ahsoka's age and a Padawan.

Ahsoka and Barriss are established to be close, paralleled from time to time, and the writer of their main arc together later claims he intended a romance between them. (i only got this second hand and haven't fact checked this.). the barrissoka fandom forms.

Barriss disappears from the show, which focuses on different arcs for a few seasons.

Filoni is writing an important arc for Ahsoka, which needs to challenge her emotionally and philosophically as well as physically, and must culminate with her leaving the Jedi in order to be absent during Revenge of the Sith. he decides to bring back Barriss as an adversary, for the emotional drama of being betrayed by a friend.

Barriss is intended to die during this 2012 arc but Filoni ends up sparing her for undisclosed future plans. she gets arrested and imprisoned instead.

her character's previous ending, shown in the original novels as dying in service of the Jedi on Felucia, doesn't seem to work at all anymore. the MedStar duology is extremely dubiously canon at this point. the canon reset is imminent and lucasfilm has more or less stopped pretending all these events are part of the same continuity. wookieepedia editors are in shambles.

the multimedia project is officially declared Legends in 2014, and Barriss doesn't appear in tcw's new canon tie-ins. her characterization now comes only from the show. she doesn't show up in any of the prequel-era projects for years, until the novel Queen's Hope (2022).

Filoni's new canon show Rebels (2014) introduces new adversaries in the form of inquisitors, former Jedi who are now hunting survivors. one of the more prominent villains is a female Mirialan inquisitor. there is rampant fan speculation that this is Barriss. it isn't.

Ahsoka becomes a main part of the show. the fandom keeps hoping for Barriss to reappear with her. she doesn't.

Filoni creates a tcw spin-off focusing on Ahsoka (and Dooku) in 2022. Barriss doesn't appear.

Ahsoka gets her own post-original trilogy show by Filoni in 2023. there is some speculation Barriss could appear, possibly as a mysterious new inquisitor character. she doesn't.

in 2024 there is a new season of the animated tcw spinoff, prominently featuring inquisitors. Barriss is now a main character, picking up a while after the Wrong Jedi arc. it has been something like 12 years since we last saw her.

[atemins]

Child Ahaitham au plot as bulletpoints

Everything is the same but Haitham is a child like 13 but he still has the same intelligence knowledge and achievements as canon

The academia has a tighter leash on him

He’s not the academia scribe 

He’s more of a small pet, someone to mold and someone to spy for them

He’s still very blunt but less graceful at it

He’s far more emotional and suspicious and withdrawn 

He of course does not have the same battle ability

His saying is “I’m just a child/small child” or any variant of it

He fights with a dagger and his vision a lot more with his vision

He’s known as the academias dog/pet project and more officially as the academias pride

The meeting with the Traveler goes mostly the same but Haitham is far less willing to fight more snarky and the ermites are far more insulting threatening and aggressive

“I told you if you weren’t willing to discuss things your life would be far more messy”

Instead of threatening with a fight he goes straight to blackmail “I’m sure the ermites will be thrilled to get a reputation for beating up a small child”

Instead of a fight a negotiation is made to happen

The traveler is far more protective and really insist on going with him as backup

He’s secretly relieved at that

The Dori quest is mostly the same but Haitham is far more smug about the whole thing

The negotiation doesn’t happen and the traveler does the heavy lifting of the fight but haitham helps a bit

The cutscene is the same but haitham uses his vision

The academia scene is more or less the same but again it’s far more hostile and haitham doesn’t really say anything

“Run back to the academy Don't interfere with our work alhaitham,” “Of course”

The next meeting goes the same just a it more snark

The meeting with Cyno

Haitham is not quite as prepared for the fight and actually startles

Cyno fights less aggressive and goes more for the traveler because she steps in to help haitham (he’s a child come on)

So Cyno has to deal with them both because haitham fights too.

Eventually Haitham get’s scruffed like a cat and he kinda internally panic and is very spiteful

They talk the same conversation just a lot more insults are thrown around

“Let met down, let me down you overgrown dog!!” 

Dehya comes in but is far more focused on Cyno scruffing an angry child 

More or less the same conversation even in the house

But here Cyno also throws in some things about Haitham being the academias little pet when he mentions his conversation with the sages (though the conversation is more of haitham standing with his head down as the sage orders him around)

Instead of an offer being made for alhaitham he’s just expected to do as he’s told

Of course he doesn’t and in his world the world is far more black and white so he simply didn’t want to (He’s definitely overheard some of the shady shit the sages want)

Everything else is more or less the same but the group is far more unwilling to let haitham out on his own so he spends his time in the village with candece being a little kid. 

He’s also very much not allowed out of the house when they are out to help candace so he pouts indoors and play with his vision

The others are far more interested in him and his abilities but he doesn’t really want to talk

They notice he’s a lot more skittish and quiet as well

They become a lot more worried when he disappears but they leave anyway

Both candace and Cyno dose notice him in the village observing the village kids and they see him reading a couple books too

candace tries to have little heart to heart with him and it get’s revealed that Haitham never really got to play like a kid during his childhood

Cyno is a lot less hostile to him when he eventually goes to the traveler about his information

Haitham is also a lot more proud and smug about his investigation then in canon

Everyone is also more shocked about his intellect

He also totally used his I’m a child card to get information 

Haitham has and argument on why he should be allowed to go with them to the hospital

“You’re a child” “So? I can take care of myself ""I’m not about to drag a child into possible dangers ""It’s thanks to me you even have this information also I’m far more knowledgeable than you.”

He wins because of course he does

The book incident is more bickering and Paimon wondering why haitham a child is even interested in stuff like that and why he’s can’t be like other children

He clams up at that and the traveler tries to do damage control but haitham ignores them (Paimon feels guilty)

Haitham is more reserved and scared by the hospital and definitely clings a little to the traveler

They get back and tries to make Haitham go to bed but he insists to be present even if he starts to doze a little in his chair

He dose give the information after bristling and pouting at the suspicion leveled at him (he can feel their suspicion at him he’s a child after all and can be easily manipulated)

Both Isak and Haitham argue to come with them

“I’m as involved in this as you are and besides you might need me, didn’t I prove I can take care of myself already” He’s a kid and he’s coming with you! I promise to stay out of trouble!”

Haitham definitely dislikes Isak and thinks he’s whiny

Everyone is more outraged at Haithams self-sacrificing but he totally ignores them 

“I’m the academias pride you know, the sages has spent an awful lot of resources into me, to mold me into the perfect leader once they deem me to be ready”

Dehya takes the deal 

same old same old

candace when they come back gives alhaitham a great scolding

Haitham kinda shuts down silently at that and Cyno notices

Cyno totally tries to reach haitham when the earthquake happens

He’s also trying to subtly check him and ask him how he is when they are safe

Haitham is so suspicious if him like “yes I’m fine stop asking”

Everyone continues to be impressed by everything this small child is telling them and they totally are like how do you know all this are you sure that’s the correct information and haitham is all like believe me or don’t it really doesn’t matter to me

They of course believe him but still

[nerdzzone]

Once Bitten - Twice Shy

Summary: Raising a child is hard. Raising a child with one of Hollywood’s biggest stars is even harder. And raising a child with one of Hollywood’s biggest stars who you’re not actually in a relationship with is even harder still.

One of the challenges of sharing custody is sharing holidays which is something that Whitney Taylor found herself struggling with in the December of 2019. The prospect of spending Christmas without her son was dismaying, but the complications that come with the alternative might be even harder to face.

Chris Evans x OFC

Note: Thank you to everyone who has read, liked or commented on this story! I appreciate the support. 

This was the entirety of my original plot, it was just supposed to be a one shot when I started writing it, but it took on a life of it’s own. There’s quite a bit more to come now so I hope no one is too disappointed by the way this ends! I’ve started working on the sequel and have it all mapped out, but I probably won’t post it until it’s mostly finished like I did with this one. So, keep your eyes peeled and please let me know your thoughts!

Part Two

—-

Part Three

26. 12. 19

Waking up, it took a few moments for the memories of the night before to come back to me. When they did, I was filled with relief that I was alone and Chris was no where to be seen. My head throbbed, partially from the alcohol I'd consumed and partially because of the regrets that were filling my mind.

How could we be so stupid? So reckless? How could we risk everything that we'd built for Grayson just for a few moments of relief? How would I be able to push my feelings for Chris aside again after sharing such intimacy with him?

It broke my heart to make the decision to be friends the first time we found ourselves in this situation, how could I be foolish enough to put myself through that again?

I turned my head and groaned into the pillow, a much more distressed, melancholy groan than the ones leaving my lips the night before. I felt like an idiot and I was dreading facing Chris.

After taking another moment to chastise myself for my bad choices, I checked my phone to see the time and was shocked. It was already almost nine thirty and I hadn't heard a peep from the rest of the house. Unfortunately, that meant I didn't have time to mope around in bed, puzzling out what to do.

So, I took just enough time to decide that I needed to make a quick exit before getting up to get myself ready to leave.

 -

  When I got to the kitchen, it was surprisingly quiet. None of the men or children were anywhere to be seen as Lisa, Shanna and Carly tidied up the dishes from the breakfast that I'd missed. Apparently, there was another snow storm forecast to start by the early afternoon and everyone had headed out into the snow as soon as they'd finished eating to start shovelling so that we could all leave before it hit.

I was relieved by their quick action because even if I had to shovel the whole driveway by myself and then drive home in a blizzard, I was not sticking around for another night.

Lisa had tried to convince me to let her cook me breakfast, but my stomach was in too many knots to even think about food. I politely declined and settled for a banana and a cup of coffee, chatting with the women as I ate. It distracted me for a while as I tried to shut off some of the noise in my brain, but once I was finished, I knew I had to face the music and head outside.

By the time I got out there, Chris, Scott and their brother-in-law were already halfway down the driveway which was an impressive feat considering how long it was. I waved to them as I put my bag in my car before heading towards where the children were playing in the front yard.

"Mama!" Grayson cheered as I approached them. "Look! We're building a snowman!"

I looked at the sloppy pile of snow they were assembling and smiled.

"Wow, I can see that! Great job, guys!"

He grinned as he ran over to me and threw his arms around my legs. It was a feeling that never got old and I leaned down to squeeze him closer, trying to ignore the wave of guilt that washed over me. He was the most important thing in our situation and we'd lost sight of that.

"Can you help us?"

"Of course," I nodded. "But I need to go talk to your daddy real quick, okay? Then I'll be right back."

"Okay!"

With that, Grayson bolted back over to his cousins to continue their little project. They were so good with him, including him in their games and activities despite his young age and I was happy that he had such good role models to play with. Leaving them under Dodger's watchful eye, I took a deep breath and headed down the driveway to Chris.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty," Scott shouted over, the first to notice me coming their way. "Thanks for getting up so early to help us shovel the driveway."

I laughed at his sarcasm and stuck out my tongue, but when he shot me a knowing wink, I felt my cheeks burn. Of course Chris would tell him. I should have expected it, they were as close as brothers could be and Chris was always open with his family.

But it just made me feel worse about the conversation I was about to have as I went over to Chris. Luckily, he was on the opposite side of the driveway to the other two. At least that would give us a modicum of privacy.

"Hey, good morning," he grinned. "Did you sleep well?"

"I did," I returned his smile, though mine was much more forced. "Thanks for letting me sleep in."

"Grayson wanted to wake you up at breakfast," he admitted, looking over at our son as he spoke. "He was worried that you'd be hungry when you woke up and there would be no more food left."

I couldn’t help, but laugh at the thought of his concern.

"He's too sweet, but I appreciate you stopping him," I admitted. "I guess I was tired out after last night."

"Last night," Chris smirked. "Last night was..."

He trailed off as he tried to think of a word to describe it, but my smile disappeared entirely as I could tell from the look on his face that we weren't reflecting on our little incident in the same way. So, I beat him to the punch.

"Last night was a mistake."

My words hung between us for a moment and I knew, from the way that his jaw dropped slightly as if I'd just slapped him across the face, that he wasn't happy with what I'd said.

"Oh, don't give me that crap!" He protested once my words had sunk in, keeping his voice low enough that no one would be able to overhear. "You're saying that it meant nothing to you?"

I really wished we weren't outside with so many watchful eyes around, but this conversation needed to be had and at least this way I'd have an excuse to keep things brief.

"I'm saying that it shouldn't have happened," I clarified, my voice wavering slightly as I questioned my own confidence in my words. "We've worked hard to keep things as stable as possible for Grayson and that's what we need to stay focused on."

"So, you just want to pretend that it never happened?"

My heart felt like it was in a vice. I didn't want to pretend it never happened. I wanted to be with Chris, I wanted us to give it a shot, but I knew that it wouldn't work. I was nothing compared to the women that Chris usually dated and when it all fell apart, Grayson would be the one stuck in the middle. It wasn't fair to him.

But that knowledge didn't make it any less painful when I nodded my head.

"I think that's for the best."

Chris scoffed, looking down at the snow as if he couldn't even stand to look at me. I wasn't sure if I wanted to run away or cry and throw myself into his arms so I settled for simply standing there quietly, waiting for him to say something.

It felt like an eternity, but after a minute or two of total silence, he finally spoke.

"Just let me make sure that I'm getting this right," he started, looking back up at me with such an intensity that it made my eyes swim with tears. “You really have no feelings for me at all? Because if you feel even a little bit like I do then you couldn’t possibly think you’re making any sense right now.”

I swallowed hard, trying to come to terms with the situation that I found myself in. A situation where Chris could be standing in front of me, telling me that he had feelings for me after all these years that we’d been determined to be just friends. It would have felt like a cruel joke if there wasn’t so much hurt in his eyes, so much fear that I was about to reject him. Fear that proved to be entirely justified when I finally got my emotions under control enough to answer him.

"It doesn't matter," I told him softly. "It's not about what I feel or what you feel. We have someone more important to consider."

“That's bullshit!"

I flinched at the harshness of his words and his raised voice as Scott shouted over a reminder about language as the kids weren't very far away. I could feel the tears still filling my eyes, but I knew I had to stick to my guns.

"It's not bullshit," I insisted. "It's the right thing to do."

"But you said yourself, he's starting to notice that things are different," Chris pointed out, his voice thankfully much softer than it had been moments ago . "Why not take the chance to give him a normal family if that's what we both want anyway?"

"Because it will hurt him more if it doesn't work out."

"Hurt him?" Chris questioned, his scowl deepening. "Or hurt you?"

Both of us. 

The truth was that I was worried that Chris would hurt me just as much as I worried that our decision would hurt Grayson, but I could handle the risk to myself if it was my choice. I couldn't handle our son being collateral damage.

I could feel Chris' gaze locked intently on me, but I couldn't lift my eyes to meet his. I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold onto my argument when the decision I was making wasn't even what I truly wanted. I needed this conversation to end before I let my guard down and made anymore stupid choices.

"We can't talk about this here, Chris."

"Well, when will we talk about it then?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I need to think."

Chris shook his head as a sigh fell from his lips. He looked defeated.

"Alright."

I took that as an end to the conversation and turned to walk away, but I'd only made it a few steps when Chris called out to me again.

"I care about you, Whitney," he told me as I looked back over my shoulder. "This wasn't nothing to me. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't want to make this work."

That only made me feel worse as I had done it without such noble intentions and with doubt still plaguing my mind. I felt cowardly, but I couldn't bring myself to answer him as I looked away and continued on my way back towards our son.

 -

  I stayed outside, playing with the kids in the snow, until the driveway was clear. Once my car was free, I scooped Grayson up and said my goodbyes.

"Be good for your dad, okay?"

"Okay, Mama!" He smiled, pressing a big, sloppy kiss on my cheek. "I love you!"

"I love you too, buddy. I'll see you in a few days."

I put him down and waved as he ran back to follow his cousins who were heading inside. 

Turning back to my car, I  wasn’t entirely surprised to see Chris leaning against the hood. However, I was surprised to see that the scowl that had been firmly on his face since we talked had eased somewhat and I was even more surprised when he pulled me into a hug as soon as I was close enough.

"Drive safe," he warned me. "The roads still look pretty bad."

"I will," I nodded, easing myself out of his grip. "And I'm sorry, Chris. I really am."

"Don't sweat it." He shrugged, but the dejected look on his face did little to assure me that he accepted my apology.  "We'll talk soon though, right?"

I nodded and stepped back, moving to get into my car as Chris moved away from the hood.

He stayed there on the driveway, watching me as I turned the car around and waving as I drove off until he was out of sight.

I felt exhausted and heavy. There were tears brewing in my eyes as I turned onto the road, just as they had been when I drove these streets on Christmas Eve as I was taking Grayson to dad's house and thinking I would be spending the holidays alone. It was amazing to me how I managed to escape the sad, bleak Christmas that I had been anticipating at that point, and yet still somehow managed to come away feeling just as lonely.

And it was amazing to me that I ever let myself think that raising a child with Chris Evans wouldn't be emotionally draining as long as we weren't in a relationship. At this point, it seemed to just make things harder, but I knew that one day both of them would thank me for the sacrifice I was making right now.

I knew that it was the right decision for all three of us and one little slip up, one lapse in judgment and will power, wouldn't derail all the hard work that Chris and I had put in to co-parenting our son.

Or, at least, I hoped with all my heart that it wouldn't.

[catzula]

(Don't) Let me be the judge of that

a/n: enemies to lovers w Osamu. Nothing more to say.

genre: mostly fluff, enemies to lovers au, fem!reader

warnings: Osamu being an ass in the beginning, swearing, mentions of social anxiety, 5.6k

《Synopsis: Osamu Miya is too judgemental for his own good, never accepting he's simply wrong. You're here to change that.》

Osamu Miya had a habit of judging people. It would take him one look and a few seconds to decide whether he liked someone or not, the answer often being the latter. But the worst part was just how stubborn and maybe a bit self-centered Osamu was. He trusted himself a little too much, and it was impossible to change his opinion of someone after he had made up his mind, and if he didn't like someone, that was it, he would never grow to like them.

Or so everyone -including Osamu himself- thought until you entered his life.

~

You weren't surprised to feel the brown pair of eyes looking your way when your professor announced the project was in pairs. "Decide on your partners until the end of the hour and give me a list of the groups." He told the class and leaned back in his chair.

"Y/N!" You heard him before you saw him, a mop of bleached blond hair coming into your view right after. "Hi, Atsumu." You offered him a smile as you pocketed your phone, tilting your head when he frowned in response. "I already told you, Y/N, it's 'Tsumu to you!"

"Why?" You sighed annoyedly. Having had the conversation once before, you knew damn well he wouldn't stop until you did what he wanted, but you still chose to resist.

"Because," the boy whined, "it's a sign of our friendship. Only my friends and 'Samu call me that, and I want you to call me by my nickname, too." You chose not to talk about how he excluded his twin from his friends, knowing that would only lead to another argument. 

"Who even came up with this stupid name? It doesn't make any sense, it's only one syllable shorter, and it's even harder to say!" Atsumu's warm-brown eyes narrowed. "It's not stupid!" He protested, pouting until you gave up.

"Okay, okay, whatever. 'Tsumu-kun. There, happy?"

"Tsumu." The blond corrected with a grin.

"Kun." You added (to rile him up)

"Only Tsumu, goddammit! We're close enough."

"Are we, though? We only know each other for... what? A week?"

"A month!" Atsumu gasped as he corrected you. "And it doesn't matter how long we know each other, okay? It's a matter of how well we connect." His frown got deeper when you made a face, muttering something about him being cheesy, so he decided to switch strategies.

"But you always call me by my name when we're alone, Y/N-chan." Words spoken as flirtatiously as possible, Atsumu never missed the chance to tease you.

"A-atsumu, what the fuck, don't make it sound weird!" You exclaimed, already aware of the murmurs starting to spread around the room and the eyes turning on you both.

"There we go," Atsumu grinned when he heard his name falling from your lips, "wasn't that hard, was it?"

"You just had to be a little shit." You sighed, and his grin only spread wider. "I am a little shit, aren't I? Thank god I'm handsome. Anyway, I'm writing our names down." 

"It feels like we're getting married, seeing our names standing next to each other like this." He sighed, wiping the nonexistent tears from the corner of his eyes as he handed the paper to the person sitting behind you. You heard someone gasp at his words, and you never wanted to hit someone with a chair this much in your life.

"Shut the hell up!" You whisper-yelled, only feeling your anger growing when he sent you an innocent look. "What? I'm just saying-"

"I swear to god," You flared, "I'll tell everyone that one time you ran out of the library screaming when you saw a cockroach if you don't shut up." His grin disappeared as soon as you spoke the words, eyes widening and mouth shutting.

"You promised to never talk about it!" You had to admit that it did feel powerful to see him so panicked, face flushed, the sleazy look that was almost always in his eyes nonexistent and replaced with something similar to fear.

"It's up to you wether I talk about it or not." You shrugged.

~~~

"Woah, you look tired." You heard a familiar voice say as he plopped right next to you on the bench, holding a homemade bento in his hands, wrapped too neatly to be made by him.

"And whose fault is that?" You muttered, trying to conceal your murderous intent towards him. Even just thinking about your day gave you headaches. You groaned when he shrugged, focusing on unwrapping the bento box. "Yours, idiot!" 

"What did I d-" You winced when he spoke after taking a big spoon of rice and showing you everything that was in his mouth. 

"Your fans wont let me be! Ever since we started hanging out, it's almost like I'm being harassed."

"That's not necesarrily my fault." Atsumu shrugged, proceeding with another bite of his food. 

"It is, actually. I know you like to tease me, but if you keep saying shit like 'oh look our names together, feels like we're getting married' or that fucking 'you call me by my name when we're alone' you make it worse! You know how many people came up to me and asked if we were sleeping? One even asked me if we were engaged! We've known each other for two weeks, for god's sake!"

"A month." Atsumu corrected, shutting up when you sent him a look. "That's not even the worst part. Whenever I don't give an answer, or the answer they want to hear from me, people start to-" 

They started to get mean. Some even insulted you without batting an eye, speaking of how you weren't even pretty, that you had to be sleeping with Atsumu to be near him, and many fucking more.

"What?" He asked. "People started to what?" You knew he could sense how tense you were starting to get, but you always started to fight with him whenever he asked if people were bothering you, never answering his question, despite the answer being obvious. 

"Nothing, its just frustrating." You shrugged, taking a bite out of your meal to stop yourself from talking -or crying-. 

"Look, I can guess what's going on." Atsumu sighed, "and the only reason I can think of of you not telling me what's happening is that you don't want me to interfere, but you should tell them to piss off, already." He advised you the same stupid sentence he had been advising the past few days, ever since he noticed how his fans acted towards you. 

"Yeah, thanks for the advice, jackass. It would be easier if you stopped being so extra." You muttered into your cup full of coffee, feeling a tinge of guilt, putting the whole blame on him and not admitting you probably should tell people to mind their business already.

But you just weren't the type of person that was comfortable with talking to people you didn't know or know well enough, and you certainly weren't going to tell people to 'piss off' so comfortably.

You gulped when he sighed. "Okay, sorry, you're right, and I went overboard. But I gotta go to training now. It'll end around 5 p.m, so come to my place at 6?" He raised to his feet as he took one last sip of his drink when he finished his food.

"And if anyone asks you if we're married again, you have my permission to say yes." He grinned, patting your hair twice before you rolled your eyes, but couldn't stop a giggle from escaping your lips. "Oh, thank you, gracious lord." You cried out dramatically, scoffing when he pinched your cheek. "Exactly."

~~~

"I'm going into shower." Atsumu announced as Osamu shuffled through the fridge. 

"And?" The grey-haired twin asked from the fridge without pulling back, locating the eggs, and taking some out. "Do you want my help or something?

He expected an equally sarcastic comment from his brother, lifting his head as he closed the door of the fridge. "Cook for 3 today, a friend's coming over." He heard him say instead.

"A friend?" Osamu quirked his brow, ready to laugh given the punchline, but it never came.

"Yep." His twin answered instead, popping the p like some idiot middle schooler. "She's nice, you'll like her." He grinned, and Samu was already sure that wouldn't be the case. "Is this the girl ya can't stop talking about?"

Osamu couldn't say he wasn't interested since it was rare to see his brother drawn to anything but himself and volleyball, especially not to a girl. And judging by how Atsumu spoke about you, it was evident he had a particular liking to you.

The smug grin on Atsumu's face gave Osamu his answer, to which he grimaced. "don't wanna hear a fucking sound."

"She's coming over to study, you pervert! We have a project together."

"Yeah, whatever, I said what I said." Osamu shrugged, turning his back to Atsumu and started to chop the vegetables, unable to shake off the unlucky feeling pooling in his stomach.

~~~

"Oi, shit-head, does yer friend have any allergies or somethin'?" Osamu knocked on the bathroom door that had steam coming from the gap beneath it. He waited as Atsumu closed the water. "Eh, I'm not sure." 

"Yer not sure? How long do you even know her?"

"A month." Atsumu answered, turning the water back on. A month? It wasn't like Atsumu didn't get close to a girl he knew for such a short time, but Osamu had never, ever seen Atsumu bring a girl home.

"Hurry up, already, what the hell are you even doing in there?!" Osamu shouted, knocking on the bathroom door and holding back an urge to kick down the door when he heard the happy humms of his brothers.

"Oi, idiot, I'm telling you- goddammit." He clenched his teeth when he heard the doorbell. 

"Hurry up or you're not eating." Osamu knocked one last time before he rushed to the door to let you in. 

He opened the door without thinking of opening the lights as well, and since it was well after the sun had set, he couldn't see what you looked like, but he knew he wasn't expecting- well, you.

You were bent forward, trying to undo the messy knot your shoelaces had formed when the door opened. Sending a glance at the silhouette standing at the door, you turned your attention back to untying the mess your shoes were. 

"Hey, Atsumu." You muttered without taking another look, assuming it was Atsumu who had greeted you. You didn't see how Osamu's face soured, dark-grey eyes narrowing at your form with some hostility he couldn't help.

In your defense, the light wasn't on, and you hadn't taken a good look at the boy standing before you, so it wasn't exactly your fault for not realizing it was Osamu, right?

No.

Strike one.

Osamu hated when people mixed him with Atsumu. Did they not see the bright platinum gray hair, clearly different from his twins piss colored one? Osamu hadn't dyed his hair for the sake of looking nice, and he certainly hadn't sat in the hairdresser for hours long just to get mixed up with his twin again.

You had noticed your mistake as soon as you stood up and looked at the tall figure staring at you, leaning on the door frame and his arms tied on his chest almost defensively. "O-oh," Osamu heard you mutter softly, not sure as to why your voice sent goosebumps down his arms. "You're not Atsumu."

The somewhat disappointed tone of your voice made him furrow his brows. The smile you had on your lips dropped as soon as you locked eyes with the grey ones, familiar yet strange, and Osamu could feel himself getting more irked by the second.

The truth was, you weren't exactly disappointed, mostly embarrassed and a little surprised, although the unsatisfied look his eyes held kept making you even more nervous. He waited as your eyes wandered over his face, over the scowl resting on his lips, looking so mean and hostile, you found yourself taking a defensive step away from him.

"I- uh," Osamu's scowl didn't move an inch when you forced a smile at him, and you checked the time on your phone to break the eye contact. "Atsumu told me to come by at 6, and... is he- is he home?"

"Yeah," The boy talked for the first time, and you noticed how his voice was deeper than his twin's. It was nicer, too, you thought. "He's in the shower, though he should be-"

"Y/N, you're here!" You heard the twin you were familiar with speak your name, standing in the entrance, hair still wet and dripping with excess water. 

"Don't get cocky, I'm here for the project." You rolled your eyes with fake annoyance, unsuccessful at hiding your smile. Osamu felt something in him shift as he watched the change in your demeanor, feeling- what, jealous? 

"You met 'Samu?" Atsumu approached you, not missing the tension hanging in the air. "Y/N, this is the inferior twin, 'Samu, as you can also tell. And 'Samu, this' Y/N." He introduced you, making you laugh awkwardly, but Osamu kept his glower. 

"Don't mind him, he can be an asshole sometimes." Atsumu whispered at you, which anyone even passing by outside the house could hear. "Look at who's talking." You told him with a snarky quirk of a brow, making Atsumu frown. "Mean."

The blond pulled you towards the living room, making you settle on the couch and plopping next to you. Osamu caught the glance you sent his way when he didn't sit, leaning against the wall that was across you, instead, and you found he still had that frown that seemed to be imprinted on his face.

Osamu's frown was deepening on his lips at how comfortable you looked next to Atsumu, the friendly banter you had the exact opposite of how uncomfortable you looked next to Osamu. Maybe it was the natural competitiveness that came with having a twin, but Osamu hated this feeling. Why couldn't you smile at him like that, too? Yeah, maybe he was acting like a dick, but wasn't Atsumu also?

"Go dry your hair, idiot, you'll get sick!" Osamu heard you tell his twin, watching you hit him with the nearest pillow. "Hm?" Atsumu turned to you with a grin, leaning towards you for easy access to his hair. "I thought ya could do it for me?"

Osamu watched you with interest as you glared at his twin with annoyance. "I hope you get sick." You narrowed your eyes at him. "If you keep this attitude around other people, I'll kick you."

"Alright, alright, I won't flirt with ya when other people are around." Atsumu grinned, and Osamu felt his appetite vanishing. "I'll just leave." He muttered to himself, closing the door behind him just after hearing your answer to his twin.

"Don't flirt with me, ever?" 

You had spoken it with such genuine annoyance that if you had listened closely, you could hear Osamu laughing from the other side of the door.

~

So, the meeting with his twin was anything but successful.

Osamu was very blunt with how much he hadn't liked you, his glare reminding you of the ones Atsumu had whenever his fans approached him, cold and cruel.

Grey was clearly the superior choice, though, that you found yourself thinking as you gazed at the blond. "What? Lost in my handsomeness?" Atsumu teased you when he noticed you weren't paying attention to the project. You had to hold yourself back physically before you said something along the lines of how his twin was hotter, but you knew he wouldn't talk to you ever again, so you shut your mouth and took the teasing. 

Luckily, Osamu was barging through the door before Atsumu could continue, bored-looking eyes finding you two where he had left you. "Dinner's ready." He told you and left the room.

"Food," Atsumu salivated, jumping on his feet the moment he heard his brother, ready to sprint to the kitchen. You shuffled awkwardly in your place when you felt his warm-brown gaze on you, expecting you to stand up, as well, and eat.

"I- uh," you muttered. "I'm not really hungry, and I ate before I came here." Lies. "Can't we just finish this project instead?"

Strike two.

Just as he started to think you weren't horrible, Osamu gasped from the other side of the wall when he heard you (the walls were thin), his teeth clenching in annoyance. Really? Did you prefer doing a fucking project over his food? The food he had cooked?

Osamu was never a forgiving person, but this- this was something he could never forgive, he decided on the spot.

"Oh, come on, stop bein' a baby." Atsumu told you, pulling you by your hand on your legs, he knew you well to understand you were hesitating to go there because of his brother. Or more as he was making you nervous and you would rather not eat than go in his presence. "Osamu's the best cook around, you'll see." He joked so you could relax a little, making you giggle nervously.

Strikeout.

Osamu flinched at the words, eyes narrowing on you as you entered the kitchen. Did you doubt his abilities? 

You thanked the boy as he placed your plate in front of you, steaming hot food, smelling so good that you wanted to bury your face in it, but the grey gaze hovering over you was making you so nervous that it made it impossible for you to take even a small bite.

"Do ya like it?" Atsumu asked you, noticing how you were nudging the food with your fork without eating. You flinched in your place, your friends' voice pulling you out of your thoughts and back to reality, to which you mustered a smile and nodded. "Yeah! Yeah, it's- it's delicious. Thank you." You turned back to Osamu, who scoffed at your words, causing you to frown. 

You could tell he didn't like you one bit, even though you weren't sure as to why, but you discarded the thought. He was free to like or dislike you, which, in this case, was the latter, though it stung a little since you thought he seemed nice when- well, when he didn't frown at you.

He seemed like the type you would either get along or hate mutually.

He had obviously chosen the latter, and both Atsumu and you could feel the almost hateful air coming from Osamu as he glanced at you with a disinterested, blank face. "Did ya have a bad day or something, 'Samu?" Atsumu broke the silence, and you felt like you could finally take a breath. "You look like someone kicked ya in the nuts."

"Fuck off, 'Tsumu." 

"Nah, you've been acting like a dick all day. What's with ya today?"

"I said fuck off!" Osamu warned his twin another time, this time successfully silencing the blonde. 

"Thank you," You broke the awful silence that followed Osamu's voice. "The food was delicious." You told him after you finished your food. You could still feel his gaze over you as you placed your plate in the sink and retreated to the living room. 

"Your brother didn't like me very much, did he?" Osamu heard you mutter to his brother after he had left, too, feeling a fracture of guilt in his chest as he caught the disappointment in your voice.

"It's just... 'Samu. Don't worry about it." Atsumu told you, closing the door behind you.

~

Osamu was hesitant to knock on the living room door.

It had been about two hours since you had gone in, and knowing his brother- he couldn't be sure as of what's to happening.

"Oi, 'Tsumu!" He barged in the room, discarding the thoughts before he gave up. 

"Shut up." Atsumu whispered, eyes lifting from his phone screen for a second and glancing at you. You, who was lying on the sofa and- sleeping?

"She fell asleep." Atsumu grinned at his brother's questioning gaze. "I'll carry her back to the car. Can you drive her home?"

Osamu didn't hold back his snicker when Atsumu's voice dropped volume as he asked the favor from his brother, still not able to admit to himself the defeat.

"Your hair is still wet, idiot," Osamu mumbled, his eyes wandering over your figure. "And I will not take care of you if you go out and get sick."

"What?" Atsumu grinned mockingly. "Are you gonna carry her then? Be a hero for the girl you've been acting like an ass all day? What the fuck was up with you today?"

"I don't like her." Osamu shrugged.

"She's not the kind of girl you think of her as." Atsumu quickly responded, already aware of what his twin had decided about you. Atsumu knew Osamu too well, his stubbornness even more, so he wasn't exactly surprised when he shrugged. 

"Let me be the judge of that, and I don't have to like her."

"Whatever, you do you. But you know, you don't have to dislike her just because she's my friend, too."

Osamu stood silent, eyes falling back on you. He knew Atsumu was partly right, but he had his reasons not to like you, right? Osamu pocketed his car keys, nodding at his twin and lifting you off the couch.

Atsumu grinned at the audible gulp his twin took when you shifted uncomfortably in Osamu's arms, snuggling your body closer to him, your hand fisting his shirt unconsciously. 

You woke up with Osamu hovering over you, and it took you a second or two to notice you were in a car and he was tying your seatbelt. He was so close, yet so careful not to touch you, his smell -a different perfume than his brother's- filling your newly awakened senses with him, him, him. Your eyes met his when he tied it and pulled back, a brow quirking up as his frown settled on his lips. 

"Did I wake you up?" He muttered as he retreated to his seat, running his fingers through his hair as he fixed his mirror, pushing back the few stray strands back from his face. Osamu turned back to you when you stood quiet, a sarcastic smile quirking his lips upwards, but it fell as soon as you talked.

"Wh- uh, where's Atsumu?"

Osamu clenched his teeth, not knowing why it angered it so much that his twin was the first thing that came to your mind as soon as you woke up.

"Home." Osamu gritted through his teeth. "I'm dropping you home, 'Tsumu gave me the address."

He glanced at you when you stood silent. "He doesn't have a license." Osamu couldn't help but add, a feeling stirring in him when you laughed at that. "So he failed the exam and you passed? That must've been a blow on his ego."

"Oh, you have no idea." Osamu found himself laughing with you.

Silence. He could feel your growing anxiety, and you could tell he was nervous as well, the taps of his fingers on the stirring wheel echoing in the car. His hair reflecting the colors coming from the road, yellow, red, and green, the features of his face illuminated, you thought he looked too handsome to be true.

"Why are you friends with him?" Osamu blurted out after a few seconds of silence, but the question didn't seem to surprise you. "Why is anyone friends with anyone?" You teased.

"Atsumu isn't exactly the type people wanna be friends with." 

"Hm," he heard you humm thoughtfully, not answering the question. "If we're asking questions, well, here's one. Why don't you like me?"

He could feel your light gaze on him as he kept his eyes on the road. It wasn't if he liked you or not, but you asked him why. He found himself wondering where that annoying meak girl he had met inside went. "And you don't like me."

"No," you answered honestly, which he found amusing. "You're mean."

"And 'Tsumu isn't?"

He turned to you when you shrugged. "Well, Atsumu is, too. But there is a difference, you know."

"And what is that?"

"He's a naturally mean person." You explained as if it made perfect sense. "He's just mean, he doesn't try to be meaner or nicer. You, on the other hand," you looked at him. "I don't think you're naturally mean, not as much as him, at least. I think you're purposefully being mean, and thats why I don't like you."

You met his eyes when Osamu turned his eyes from the road to you when the car stopped at the red light, grey eyes glistening with reds and yellows from the road. Your eyes followed the small smile that appeared on his lips, and you couldn't help yourself from thinking how soft they looked. How much more handsome he looked with a smile, even with one as cruel as he had now.

"I just don't like you." He told you with as much spite as possible, not sure why he was deliberately trying to hurt you. His brows furrowed when you laughed at his answer, instead.

"You certainly aren't the first." 

"What does that mean?" He asked without missing a beat, the tension now almost solidifying in the air. His heart was hammering in his chest, eyes watching your smiling lips as he waited for your next words, your chest heaving in sync with his, and you were so close, so close that if he leaned even just a little-

"You only met me today, Osamu-kun." He felt goosebumps climbing his back as he heard his name from your lips for the first time. "You know me for what, a few hours at most, and here you are telling me you just don't like me." The cynical tone of your voice made him send you a glare, his hands working over the gear when the red illuminating the car turned green.

"People like you do this a lot, you know. Judge people by one or two mistakes they do, not even anything major, but things you don't like, and deem them unworthy of your time. And how much I hate it when they boast about it, too. What, do you think you're so perfect? Don't you ever make any mistake?"

"People like me?" Osamu repeated, uncharasterically silent after all those words you had spat. "Yeah, shallow people." You answered, but you weren't looking at him anymore as you tapped the window instead. "We're here." 

You were silent as he stopped the car, pulling to the side, and watched you open the door. "You know," he finally spoke, rolling down his window before you were too far. "You say I judge people so quickly, but you did a full-blown analysis just now, and you say I'm the one to judge quick?"

"Tell me, Osamu." You bent forward a little, leveling your face with his. "If you can promise me that you didn't think, ah, I know this type of girl, even once tonight, I'll take it all back and apologize to you."

You smiled when he stood quiet. 

"Goodnight, Osamu. Thank you for the ride." You told him before walking back to your house.

~

"Ya know, with the amount of time you spend here, you may as well move in." Osamu told you gruffly, eyeing you from his side of the couch. Your eyes followed him as he took a bite out of his food, adam's apple bobbing up and down.  

"I'll move in as soon as you leave." You answered with a fake smile, turning your eyes away from his as soon as you realized you were staring, hoping he hadn't noticed, but he had. 

"Yer sure ya want me to leave?" He quirked a brow at you, making you grimace. "Never been more sure." 

It had been about a month since you met Osamu, and it was like this ever since. Osamu never missed the chance to take a jab at you, or he couldn't sleep. You never backed down from it either, the fights going back and forth until either Atsumu got bored and pulled you away or one of their friends called you out.

You didn't enjoy it like they thought you did. In fact, it was getting tiring and annoying, but you couldn't stop yourself from taking a jab at Osamu whenever he shot you a remark.

He looked at you when you sighed, brows quirking up in a silent question. "When's Atsumu gonna be here?"

Atsumu had told you to come to his place that day, telling you he would be there in a few minutes after you and he had something to do, but as always, he was late at least an hour, and you were now stuck with his brother. 

"I'll just go home and meet you up later." You had told the blonde, but he had insisted you stay. 

"Have you ever seen 'Tsumu come somewhere not at least two hours late? I bet he won't be here for at least an hour more." Osamu chuckled. "I'm hungry." He added right after, eyes finding yours.

"And? You need me to cook?" You snickered, not expecting him to stay silent, looking at you for a few more seconds and rolling his eyes as he turned around and went to the kitchen. 

Your brows furrowed in confusion at the antic. Surely Osamu wasn't- he wasn't asking you if you wanted something, was he?

"At least open a movie or something as we wait." Osamu muttered from the kitchen. 

"Do you have something on mind?" You asked, feeling weird at how soft he suddenly was acting. "No, pick one."

"Okay," you muttered to yourself, emphasizing the 'o'. You thought of opening a volleyball match, Atsumu always liked it when you did, and maybe he would- no, why were you even thinking of what he would like? He told you to open whatever, hadn't he?

Still, despite reasoning with yourself, you were jittery as you opened a random comedy show from Netflix. Trying to focus your thoughts on the show playing, you did your best not to think about the silver-haired boy inside, failing miserably by how your mind wandered to him and the odd way he was acting today.

"Say, ya never gave me an answer as to why yer friends with 'Tsumu." He entered the room, carrying a tray with two plates and forks inside. The crooked smile on his lips was making your heart beat twice as fast, even though you didn't want to admit it, and the way he focused on holding the tray on balance, the slight crease between his furrowed brows. Osamu Miya was too handsome for his own good.

"Thanks," you muttered half-heartedly as you took the plate from him, not even aware it was an olive branch he was sticking out. Osamu's face fell when you didn't spare him or his food another look. "You never gave me an answer of why you don't like me, so I guess we're even." You laughed, smile wavering when he didn't laugh along.

He sighed, eyes glancing at you and then back at his hands. It made you antsy, making you feel like something was wrong.

"You chose this to watch?" He turned back to the not answering you. He shifted in his place when you hummed, "I can change it i fyou want." The way he hadn't made fun of your choice of the movie yet, was too uncharacteristic of him.

"No, its okay." He answered instead, ending the conversation -if you could even call this one. You ate in silence, tv playing in the background, though neither of you cared of it, your gaze meeting now and then until you couldn't take it.

"What is wrong with you?" You couldn't help but blurt out, turning the TV off and facing him. You watched him as he quirked his brow up, looking at you questioningly even though he knew what you meant.

"What is wrong with me?" He repeated.

"Why are you being nice?"

He turned back to face the tv after a beat of silence, looking somewhat... shy? What the-

"Wh-what was that?" You asked when he mumbled something, the answer so silent that it was inaudible. "I said," Osamu repeated, eyes still focused on his plate. "You told me you didn't like me because I- uh, I was rude."

His voice was still uncharacteristically quiet, but this time you heard him loud and clear. That didn't mean you understood it, though.

"What do you mean?" He heard you ask, your voice laced with something resembling suspicion, you scoffed when he stood quiet, standing up to your legs and picking your plate off from the table. "If you're trying to tell me you want me to like you, I'm not buying it."

"You're not buying it?" He repeated, mirroring your movements and standing up, making you realize how much taller he was than you. The way he was looking at you- what was it, hurt? No, it couldn't be. Anger would be more like it. 

"Is there no way of winning with you?" He asked, following you to the kitchen and placing his plate a little too roughly on the counter. "You say you don't like me because I'm rude. I try to be nice and you fucking ask me what's wrong with me? What do you want me to do, disappear?"

Now, there was no denying that Osamu was, indeed, hurt, as his face soured when you stood quiet, staring at him blankly at his question. "So you hate me this much." He muttered to himself, running his fingers through his hair. 

"I don't know why you expected me to like someone who has been nothing but rude to me since the moment we met." You shrugged, but a part of you wanted to tell him it was a lie, and despite everything that you- well, you liked him. 

The glare he sent your way was enough to make you choke on the breath you took, taking a step forward to you, close enough for you to feel dizzy with his scent.

"Well, that concludes it, I guess. This was stupid, anyway." Osamu muttered, but he was so close- so close that you could almost feel the heat radiating from him, your eyes fixated on his lips, and if you just leaned forward- a few millimeters was all there was.

"What was- what was stupid?" You whispered, noticing his gaze was also wandering on your lips. Your heart suddenly started thundering in your chest, and you couldn't even ask yourself what's happening? What are you doing?

"This," Osamu breathed against your lips, his gaze so intense over you that it sent chills down your spine. He finally leaned forward, doing what you wanted but couldn't do, the word "apologizing," being the last thing you hear before you felt his lips on yours.

It was a soft kiss, nothing similar to how you thought Osamu would kiss -not that you had thought on it, or so you told yourself-, this kiss was deeper, irrational, amazing. 

"Do you always apologize to people by kissing them?" You asked when he pulled back, smirking at the way your chest heave, feeling a tinge of pride at how breathless he had left you.

"Hm?" He hummed, not wiping that damn smirk off of his face, it even grew wider when he noticed you pressing your fingers on your lips, still in shock, "I don't apologize to people." 

It was true. 

No one had ever seen Osamu Miya change his opinion about something, about someone. He would never admit he was wrong yet apologize.

But here he was, standing before you -just as breathless as you were- apologizing. 

"Maybe you should apologize more." You told him with a sly smile, to which he happily complied.

~

"I wanted to make peace." He told you, sitting on the couch right beside you, refusing to look at you, though. "I've been trying to act nice for a while now, but you seem to- you don't like that."

"A while?" You repeat. "You were never nice to me!"

"I was trying." His brows furrowed at your protest. "But you always had something snarky to say, and I couldn't just stay silent, could I now?"

"But- what? You were always the one who started them!" 

"Was I?" He asked, giving you the time to think, watching your face in disbelief fall into a look of 'fuck, he's right.'

It was you who started the fights, despite thinking it was him all this time. Upon recognizing that, you started to see the times he actually was nice to you, which you had always discarded or turned a blind eye.

Biting your lip guiltily, your turned to him. "I might... owe you an apology." You muttered, very aware of how his eyes glinted, gaze falling back on your lips. "Well," he told you, smiling. "I can't disagree."

[ncitygirls]

together - mark lee x gn reader

fluff, college au

“uh, do you want a drink?” he calls from the other room. it’s muffled by brick and mortar but he still prays you didn’t hear his confidence wane towards the end. ‘why didn’t i ask when i was in there?’ he huffs before he pops his head round the corner, calming at the sight of your smiling face. “water, tea, beer-”

“beer.” you rush, cutting him off. mark just nods, grinning at your embarrassment. “thank you.”

“no worries.”

he can feel his cheeks are warm. he ignores it. instead he busies himself with getting your drink, uming and ahing about getting you a glass when he remembers your lip gloss. it glistened as you spoke, almost blinding him when combined with your pearlescent smile. he’d like to keep it intact. if only he had straws.

he returns to find you eyeing his i.t set up. random notes and post-its pasted around the monitor. he hands you a bottle when you thank him and ask, “is this all for class?”

he cringes at the mess, but settles at the hints of wonder in your gaze. the genuine interest. “ah, no- it’s all for when i part time as tech support.” he mentioned it briefly before. it was sometime between your first and second date. it’s how he can afford to live alone.

“i didn’t realise it was this involved,” you hum. a second inquiry falling from your lips before you can help it. “is that why you’re always so busy?”

“uh- yeah,” he mumbles, hand scratching his neck as he takes a long swig. he’d had to reschedule this date twice. the first time he’d forgotten about his engineering group project session that couldn’t be rearranged. he did consider skipping it before realising jungwoo would probably bite one, if not both, of his kneecaps off. the second time, a guy from work had begged him to switch shifts. both times he had jaemin help plan an extravagant night out. he had money set aside for the whole affair, an outfit, a proper plan to wine and dine you. but his colleague was sick and mark has always had a hard time saying no. “sorry about cancelling again last week. i just got really busy all of a sudden with class and work and- yeah. i know you probably expected more than just hanging out at mine.”

“just hanging out is fine.” mark doesn’t think he’s seen more honest eyes in his life. it’s one of the first things he noticed about you. how round and alert they were, and you. you noticed things about him no one else did. like how his hair parts differently when he’s washed it. how his brows crease when he’s thinking too hard. how content he is just hanging out at home. “i know you don’t get a lot of downtime and i just wanted to spend time with you. i don’t mind where.”

you can see he wants to say something. he begs himself to say anything. instead he just stares at you, a wistful smile on his face. to think he could’ve been doing this weeks ago if life hadn’t gotten in the way. when you tilt your head, he shakes his head, a silent answer to your silent question. “do you want to play scrabble?”

your obvious answer had been yes. you beat mark two games out of three. mark had sworn up and down that his win after the fourth beer renders your first two wins null. you neglect to inform him that you let him win the third time. all in all, it’s exactly how time spent with mark always is. perfect. once the nerves fade away, being with mark is like being with an old friend. one who knows and accepts every part of you. the shrill screech in your cackle. the scars lining your knuckles. the wrinkles framing your grin. and yet, being with mark still feels brand new. be it his shy smile everytime he makes you laugh. the pads of his fingers brushing over the back of your hand. his eyes lingering on your bitten lips.

you’re both about six beers in at this point, but it’s a comfortable drunk. one that allows you both to keep your wits about you, while also numbing the earlier nerves, replacing it with a gentle buzz while filling you with determination.

“so why computer science?” you ask as your laughter dies down, his own still clutching at his abdomen. you couldn’t remember what it was you’d both been laughing at, you just know it made your belly hurt. and that was enough. “i feel like you’re feeding into the peter parker fantasy.”

“you know, i don’t go a week without hearing that from the guys since you said it.” he adds, scowling at you.

“i mean,” you start, tilting your head as he blinks at you. after the fourth game, you both found your way to his couch. he has his feet propped up on the coffee table with the board as you sit cross legged to his right, your fingers gently fiddling with his. mark ignores the sparks passing from his digits, all the way up his arm. instead he focuses on your next words. “i’m still kinda shocked they never thought of it too.”

“really?” he asks, laughing when you nod. “if you say so.”

“well, if they decide they want a korean-canadian spiderman, you’d be doing the world an incredible disservice saying no.” he cackles again at the vim in your voice, gazing back at you incredulously. “i’m serious! plus you’re cute, and that never hurts anyone’s chances.”

“really?” he asks again, a bit breathless this time. as you nod, he slips his hand into yours, relinquishing you of your play thing by pressing your palms together. “who does that make you then?”

“me?” he nods. “i’m just me.” you laugh when he frowns suddenly, disagreement ready on his tongue. “what?”

“you could be gwen.”

“gwen dies.”

“oh. what about m.j then?”

“i think m.j dies too.”

“fine,” he huffs, grinning at your chortle. “well if you’re you, then i’m me.”

“fine.” you agree, gazing sweetly at him. “then what does that make us?”

us. you and he. y/n and mark. mark and y/n. he’s wondered that too. he regrets having left so much time between dates, his schedule never allowing him the time to even think about the two of you as one. he has just enough time to think about you alone. but he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about where this could go. where this was going. where this had gone.

“i guess it makes us together.”

“okay,” you say simply, as if he hadn’t just made you his. but more importantly, mark thinks, is that he’d made himself yours. “so that means you’re mine?” he nods firmly, his adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows. his teeth catch his lip when your gaze drops. he feels his hand clamming up in your grip. you don’t falter, you only squeeze tighter. “good.”

“good?”

“mhm,” you hum, rising on your knees. “it means i can do this,” you breathe before your lips press to his cheek, lingering for a second before leaning back. you bite back a smirk as his breaths falter, his hand squeezing yours a touch harder. “and this,” you breathe in sudden realisation, your lips pressing to the corner of his mouth. without thinking his do the same, puckering as your lips just miss his. when you retreat, you find his hooded eyes on you. his gaze is a mix of desire and duress, your blatant teasing rendering him near powerless. yet he sits, waits patiently as you have your fun. when you move your hand once holding his to his cheek, fingers tucking his hair behind his ear, you feel his hand loosely grip your thigh, holding you there. you have no intention of leaving, no desire to disappear, nor retreat. but the sudden pressure of his touch has you rising. mark barely allows your lips yo pucker when he leans in, meeting you a good two-thirds of the way as he closes the space.

his lips move with yours like they were made for this. not kissing, but kissing you. mark moves his lips against yours with zero haste but absolute urgency. mark feels himself making up for the lost time. the weeks he has spent in your absence, his insistence on perfecting himself and every moment in your company. he resents every lost opportunity that delayed his moment but appreciates it all the same. because even if he can’t admit it, the anticipation has made this all the more better. every slide of your tongue and press of your lips. every panted breath and nibble on his lip. maybe you just needed to be together. maybe that was enough.

“you can do anything,” the reminder tumbles out of his mouth and into yours, as he reclaims what’s left of his autonomy. “i’m yours.”

“and i’m yours.” and with that, a fifth wall came down as you fell into him, your unfamiliarity vanishing as you closed the sliver of space between you. mark was no longer a maybe, no longer a daydream, he was it. you hadn’t fully figured out what about mark made you swoon so much. the way he laughed with his whole body, or went ruby from some light teasing. how he empathised so wholly, or worked so passionately. maybe it’s because mark never did anything half way. he wanted everything in his life to feel purposeful, loved and complete. much like you made him feel. so maybe it was all those things that made you fall for mark.

maybe it was all those things together.

[capt-spooki3]

By The Witch's Grace

Route Unlocked: Phil

Chapter Four: First Lesson

A Sbi "choose your own story" fanfiction

Click here for story description

Warnings: cursing, fainting

4.4k words

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Y/n stepped down the stairs on the porch, they decided on going to go find Phil because they were eager to ask him all about magic. As they walked down the last step, Wilbur hopped up with the guitar in hand and a big smile when he saw them.

“Hey! Uh Y/n, good morning, I was going to ask if you could help teach me guitar?” He held the instrument up in his hands, gently like he was afraid to break it. “You seem like you’d be a good teacher.”

“Oh, yeah, I can teach you sometime. I’m going to go find where Phil went off to, but there are music books on the shelf if you want to get started!” They smiled at him, his face falling a little and shoulders lowering before a small smile returned and he stood, looking a little too tense.

“Of course! Of course… have fun Y/n.”

They waved to him as they walked away, feeling a little guilty to leave him like that, but brushed it off as they approached the tree line and heard soft humming from within the trees.

“Why in the world does he have to be all the way in the woods- hey, Phil?” They stopped before the grass was taller and waited to see if they would get a response, but they got nothing. Right as they stepped forward to walk into the taller brush, a flicker of blue light illuminated from farther in the trees. “Using magic instead of words… of course.” They couldn’t help but smile and scoffed but continued forward into the forest.

A few paces in and they spotted him sitting in a clearing they were sure wasn’t there before, just watching a floating blue light right above the palm of his hand. There was a thin line of blue light that shone dimly around the area of the clearing. He almost seemed to be actively ignoring their presence until they took a step into the circle and he turned to them just before they tripped on seemingly nothing. Losing all sense of balance in an instant, they fell forward flat on the ground. They slowly opened their eyes up, groaning softly, but quickly realizing they weren’t in the forest anymore. The circle he had been sitting in had turned into a pasture on a small hill that overlooked an overgrown piece of land and instead of being morning, it was night now. Crickets sang softly and lightning bugs glittered the area and even the air smelt of dew and coldness of the night.

“What the hell…” They got to their feet slowly, looking around in awe while Phil watched in silence. They walked forward but stopped at the softly glowing, blue circle that seemed to be the same area of the clearing they saw before stepping in. “What is this… Phil?” Turning to him, they watched his hand enclose around the blue light he was holding, and it burst into little blue embers before disappearing before he stood up to join them at the edge of the circle.

“Peaceful isn’t it?” He spoke softly so as not to disturb the quietness around them both. “It’s magic in case you couldn’t tell, I’m surprised you couldn’t feel it before you stepped in.” He said with a little laugh, quietly surveying the area with a smile.

“What do you mean?

“Hm?”

They gestured aimlessly with their hands.”What you just said- the.. ‘couldn’t feel it’ bit. What does that mean?”

“Oh! Right, my bad mate” He laughed at himself, taking a moment to sit down again though beside them this time before he explained. “Let’s see, how can I explain this in a way that would make sense… so magic has a feeling when your soul is in tune to it, you’ll have a sixth sense in a way once you work on being able to feel it. When you get close to a magical area or even a person that uses magic, your soul will react.” Y/n looked at him like he was crazy when he said that but his smile just grew wider. “It feels warm like you’re standing near a fire on a cool summer night. I’m sure you’ll get a hang of the feeling quickly though so don’t worry. You know what! Let’s start on that now.”

He turned himself to face them and crossed his legs, patting the area in front of himself as he looked up at them to urge them to sit. They took another look out at the millions of fireflies that simply mesmerized them before sitting in front of him with their legs crossed as well. He reached over and took both of their hands in his and held them gently. Y/n just watched, confused but incredibly interested. They didn’t say a word and just watched him. 

Phil closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath and blowing it out. Slowly, his hands began to emit a gentle yellow that glowed the brightest in his veins nearest to his hands. The color started to crawl onto their hands around where he held onto them like it was a tiny fire spreading from his hands onto theirs. As his light grew slightly brighter, they felt a comforting warmth begin to bloom in their chest. Just like Phil described, it was like a fire was surrounding their chest but it didn’t burn it just protected and warmed.

“Do you feel it yet?” He opened one eye at them while they stared back, eyes wide and gleaming from the dim magic.

“You feel this all the time?”

“Not all the time, just sometimes. Like when we first met you, you were very warm, I could sense the magic from your home before you even opened the door. I swore you’d be able to feel my magic too, but I guess it makes more sense now that you couldn’t.” He slowly let their hands go, the glow falling away from their hands as well as his shortly after. “Is the warmth gone yet?”

They put a hand on their chest, watching it while they focused on their chest for the feeling, but it was long gone. It saddened them a little, but they looked back up to Phil and nodded. “Yeah, it went away as soon as you let go. How did you do that? What did you do?” 

“I condensed a lot of magic into my hands and boosted your aura with it. That’s the little thing surrounding your soul that lets you sense that magic, we’ll have to train yours if you want to sense magic on your own. Though…” He trailed off, holding their gaze a moment before he looked over at the star-littered sky. “That may take a while. As much as I want to encourage you to have time to spend with my sons and bond with them, this is an important part of learning. I’d have to ask you to spend most of your days with me until we’ve mastered this.”

“That’s fine!” They replied immediately, startling him as they leaned forward in excitement. “I want to learn! I’ll gladly give you all my time, I want to learn as much as I can. Like… like how to do this.” They said, gesturing to the projected area around them. “And… I don’t know, how to turn people into pigs or something.”

Phil burst out laughing which carried over to Y/n, making them giggle along with him. “Who are you? Circe?” He joked but they just ended up looking at him with confusion. “She’s a goddess who is well known for turning men to swine. Though… in all honesty, you do kind of remind me of her now that I’ve connected the dots. At least from what I have read of her.”

He left the topic on that note, not giving any indication of explaining his thoughts either. He taught them, quietly, in ways to feel natural magic. He explained to them the ways this earth held its own magic and if you were in tune with your soul, you could feel it in strong magical areas. There was even a promise to show them what he meant once they could feel his magic without aid.

Time passed while they sat together within the realm he made. It could have been hours and Y/n could have never been able to tell as the moment they were living in under the moonlight never seemed to end. The peace was everlasting and they couldn’t complain, this was the first time they have felt so at peace and safe with another person in years. Phil was patient with them in their confusion with this magic he was clearly well versed in, he calmly eased their mind when they grew frustrated and offered a new way to try and learn their soul. 

When they finally began to feel dim warmth in their chest again, he seemed much more excited over it than they were even when he was just teaching them. He questioned them on how it felt and if they could enhance the feeling along with other questions that made no sense to them as he used words that held no meaning in their mind.

“You made a lot of progress today, I’m proud of you. I think you need a well-deserved break though, we’ve been at this for quite a while.” He said to them while getting up slowly to stretch his legs and even his wings as he unfurled them, stretching them out for a moment before pulling them in to offer Y/n his hand to help them up.

They took his hand, standing up slowly as their legs ache from sitting in the same position for so long. “It feels like we’ve been here for hours.” They complained, looking up at him. “ How long… have we been in here?”

“I’d say it’s been all day.”

“Wha- hold on, all day!? Oh no, I told Wilbur I’d teach him guitar!" Y/n ripped their hand away from Phil’s when they ran to run out of the magic domain and apologize to Wilbur. They had no intention of stopping until Phil yelled out in a panic.

“No, wait- Circe!” It was too late by the time they heard him as they were already halfway out of the illusion, but as soon as they felt the chilled air on the other side, their vision darkened. The last thing they could feel was their fall being stopped by hands grabbing their arms and holding them most steadily by the waist. It didn’t seem to take too long for them to regain consciousness as their eyes settled on the treetops around them, hardly outlined against the night sky.

“Hey there, are you with me?” They turned their vision to beside them, being met with Phil’s face. He smiled at them despite the worry that was prevalent in his expression. The pounding in their head hit shortly after, holding their forehead with one hand as they groaned softly as they were pushed up into a sitting position though Phil kept his arm on their shoulders for support.

“What just happened?” Y/n mumbled out, tears were starting to prick their eyes from the pain. Phil ran a hand over their head to smooth out their hair, tending to them in a caring manner. “I assume… I shouldn’t have tried to leave that fast huh.” The realization had come slowly and he laughed softly at them, now holding their gaze.

“It was a bit too strong for you, that would be my fault. I should have warned you much earlier about that, the drastic change in magic around all around you to nothing but small traces of natural magic is enough to take anyone down especially after being surrounded by it for so long like we were.” He got his feet under him and stood up but kept a slight lean as he held both hands out to help them up. It took quite the effort to pull them up since their body still felt weak and their legs were jello, but they were standing at least with the help of holding onto Phil for dear life. “Wanna head back to the house? I’m sure Will has already started cooking and we can get you some medicine.”

They sighed, dropping their head onto his chest. “Yeah… that’s fine. I need a minute though.” Each time they moved so they could adjust their position, their legs nearly gave out so they didn’t want to risk collapsing on the way.

“Do you need me to carry you?” He offered, leaning his head to the side to see their face but they just laughed.

“No, no I’m fine.”

A couple of moments passed by and he started to push them off of him but consoled them quickly when they started to panic. “You’re fine, just let me pick you up okay?” He waited until they nodded that it was okay and slowly scooped them up into his arms since it was the easiest way to carry them other than on his back as his wings made that a bit difficult. They kept an arm around his neck to feel more secure and leaned into him a little, head resting on their arm over his shoulder. He didn’t prompt them to talk since they were visibly tired so that gave them time to just think while he made his way through the brush and trees.

They hummed softly before muttering. “Phil?”

“Yeah mate?”

“Why did you call me Circe?”

“Oh, yeah I guess I did huh?” He chuckled at his carelessness and glanced down at them though they only matched his gaze last second before he looked away to watch where he was going. “I’m sorry about that, I’ve been thinking about you and your resemblance to her since I mentioned it. I guess it fits you better than expected so I felt compelled to call you it.” He trailed off, the silence being filled with the crunching of sticks and leaves still on the ground from autumn that hasn’t had time to decompose since that year’s winter had come on too fast. They had begun to space out but snapped back when hearing him whisper to them. “I won’t make the mistake again, don’t worry.”

“Actually… it’s okay.” They moved their head a bit to watch the scenery pass as Phil walked, finally getting past the treeline “It’s endearing.”

Phil looked down at them and laughed softly. “You like it?” They nodded their head, not being able to help a smile. “Hm… I might just continue to use it then how’s that sound-” Right as he finished his sentence they both were startled by the door of the house being slammed open. They looked toward the sound to see Technoblade standing there with a hand on the wide-open door, looking slightly disheveled and worried.

“Phil! There you are!” Techno ran down the stairs and to the two, grasping Phil’s shoulders and checking him over feverishly while Phil watched amusingly. He looked Y/n over once he was sure Phil was okay. “I didn’t know where you two were, I was worried and- why do you both reek of magic? Did something happen? Are you okay? Why are you carryi-”

Phil cut him off “Hey hey, mate we’re fine! We are both okay, calm down.” He tenses up his wings and gives them a little shake before relaxing them again. “I was just teaching them and they left my realm illusion a little too fast and they aren’t used to strong magic changes like that.” He adjusted them in his arms and glanced at them. “They are just a little weak. If you want to help though, can you carry them into their room for me? I might be strong enough to carry them, but not for a long time.”

Techno took Y/n from Phil quickly and without a word, letting them get comfortable in his arms like they were with Phil. He waited to head toward the house until Phil started walking and made sure to keep to his side, he was acting just like a dog who hasn’t seen his owner for a little too long. He asked little questions on what the two were practicing and listening intently to Phil as he explained, though Y/n had to close their eyes at this point as a wave of drowsiness washed over them as they listened to the two talking. The deep rumble in Techno’s chest every time he spoke was oddly comforting, almost equivalent to that of a cat purring.

It seemed they dozed off because they were being gently laid on their bed the next thing they knew. The pillows had already been propped up so they could sit up easier. They sat back and looked at Techno once he had set them down. He gave them a light smile, patting them on the head to mess their hair up a little.

“Phil’s gonna be back soon, he’s getting you something to eat.” He said before turning away to talk out the door.

“Uh- Technoblade? Could you tell Wilbur to come here for me?” They sat up straight, waiting for a reply as he looked back at them. With a little laugh, he gave them a thumbs up and left the room with a small wave to them.

A few moments passed by while they waited, in that time Poppy raced into their room to offer nuzzles and lay on them to make everything better. They had become so focused on the cat and giving her attention that they didn’t notice Wilbur in the doorway until he knocked. Looking up at him in surprise, he waved with a smile and slowly walked over to their side with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Hey, I heard from dad what happened. How are you feeling?”

“Tired?” They laughed, watching as he sat on the side of the bed while they spoke. “I’m doing okay, I’m sure I’ll be fine by morning. Speaking of, Will I’m so sorry. I meant to come and help you learn guitar today but Phil kept me so busy that by the time he said to stop, it was night.” They leaned forward to emphasize their seriousness. “Tomorrow, bright and early, We’ll go down in the basement and I’ll help teach you okay?”

“Only if you’re feeling up to it alright?” He reached over, petting Poppy and making the cat lean into his hand and roll over to get more pets. “I don’t think anyone here wants you overdoing it.”

“I will and I promise, we can spend the whole day if you want.” They told him, glancing up when they noticed movement by the doorway again and seeing Phil with a bowl and a piece of bread.

He walked over and set it on the night table which was on the opposite side of the bed that Wilbur was on. “All day?” He asked, looking at Y/n who turned to him.

“Is that alright?”

“Hm..” Phil put his hands on his hips, dramatically taking his time to think. “I guess so, you probably want to have a day to recover from this huh.” With a small laugh, he rubbed their back lightly before heading out of the room. “Eat up and both of you sleep soon, it’s late.”

“Goodnight Phil!”

“Goodnight!” Wilbur echoed, watching him go before he looked back to Y/n. He looked like he had something he wanted to say but took a deep breath and smiled at them, getting up off the bed. “Hey you better enjoy the soup, I made it. And if I do say so myself, I did a great job on it.” They giggled a bit at him and he sighed with a little shake of his head. “You’re a really great person… I’m glad we met you. Ahem! Good night dearest Y/n and I’ll reconvene with you in the morning!” Making a show of bowing to them and standing up tall with his hands behind his back, he saluted before sharply turning and walking out the door.

They called after him with a laugh. “Sleep well, Wilbur!” Watching him go, they smiled to themself and with a few pets for Poppy they focused on eating so they could sleep and be ready for the day tomorrow.

-

“Now Y/n remember, I’m sure you won’t be using any magic but be wary alright?” Phil stood in front of them, holding intense eye contact before looking down at the eye of ender around their neck. He brought a hand up to hold it and examine it while they watched him. “I’ve been worried about this and I don’t know exactly how it’s going to affect you once we start playing with magic more. I could feel it sapping my magic from me yesterday…” He shook his head and let go of it, holding their arms. “Just… come to me if you feel off, okay? I’ll be right in my room with Techno.”

He sent them off with that, heading to his room where they assumed Techno was waiting for him. Wilbur was outside with Tommy since he demanded Wilbur come to see the sheep he has made friends with since everyone but him had seen. Y/n had Tommy tag along that morning when they went to feed the animals and he excitedly showed them how close he had gotten with some of the sheep and even a couple of the chickens. It warmed their heart to know he had something to fill the childish part of him that he wasn’t able to express when training to be in the guard.

They headed down into the basement to wait for Wilbur and decided to catch up on some reading. All of the talk of magic with Phil brought back their interest in it big time. They searched through the shelves, trying to find one that seemed like it had a lot of useful information that could help when Phil was teaching them. Standing against the bookshelf, they flipped through a book, stopping to read a page or two every once in a while until the front door closed and there were hurried steps down the stairs.

“Sorry for being so late, Tommy was telling me the names of all the sheep he named- I hope you didn’t already have names for them because he is all about this one being named Karen,” Wilbur said with a laugh as he got down the basement and looked up at Y/n who had the book in their hand, watching him. “Heh, uh hope I didn’t disturb your reading.”

They snickered, closing the book with a thump and sliding it back into its place on the shelf. “Oh, not at all.” Walking up behind one of the two plush chairs they had, crossed their arms on the back and looked up at Wilbur. “So, what all did you learn yesterday?”

“Oh! Well uh…” He grabbed the guitar up from beside the bookshelves opposite of Y/n where they kept the music books and sat over on the bottom step of the stairs. It took him a few moments of remembering out how to hold the instrument again, but once he had that down he strummed a few chords out of place before playing the standard ‘hot cross buns’ and after getting praise from Y/n he played ‘mary had a little lamb’ and ‘good king wenceslas’ which was a favorite of Y/n’s when it came to easier tunes to play.

“How did I do? That’s all I got to teach myself yesterday.”

Y/n walked over to him and knelt down where they adjusted how he held his fingers on the strings. “It’s easier to play and better on your hands this way. I think you did really well, better than I was and I learned just by listening to someone play and watching how they did it.”

He perked up at that, seeming to forget they knew how to play despite wanting them to teach him so desperately. “Do you want to play something? I’d love to see you play.” He offered the guitar to them to which they looked at it, seeming hesitant.

“Oh I don’t know, at this point, I think you’re better than me. It’s been a long time since I’ve played.” They touched the wood of the guitar, thinking back on when they last played. “I stopped making time for it when the hunters got bad. I guess I just fell out of it after that.”

“Well… maybe you can try again?” He met their eyes and pushed the guitar towards them again. “I know you’re learning new magic things, so maybe you can do something cool with that.” They took a moment to think about what he said and looked back at the instrument. Finally, they reached to take it from his hands and he seemed eager to give it up, pushing it onto them as soon as they had it.

They couldn’t help but laugh and sat back on the ground and crossed their legs as they situated the guitar, strumming a few chords and getting comfortable with the feel of it again. “Hm.. let’s see what I can remember here.” They strummed a few chords until something finally came to them. “Oh! I’ve got one, okay… I’m not sure how good this will be but…”

Humming softly as they started, they bounced their foot a little to keep time. They had to restart once with a small grumble but seemed to get the hang of it better with the second start. “Alright, so I think it goes a little bit like… I can feel it on my tongue. Brick and mortar, as thick as scripture. Drawing lines in the sand and laying borders, as tall as towers. I babble on until my voice is gone.” They sang, getting a feel for the music more as they went through as soon as they were singing the next verses they felt eyes on them. Other than Wilbur’s of course. They glanced up past him to see Phil, leaning against the doorway on the top floor of the house just listening. When realizing they were looking at him, he just smiled and waved a little before giving a gesture to tell them to continue playing. They smiled a little and gave a glance back at Wilbur then to their hands as they focused on playing.

“‘Cause like constellations a million years away, every good intention…”

___________________________________________

taglist:

@can-i-fangirl-yet @spitrot @sproudi @omgthatonenerd06 @acemt @wahman @m-etr3m8 @pog-sad-muffin @quiche-inoya @lea-the-foxe @sbi-is-my-onlysanity @smol-spoopy-trashcan-blog @confused-soot @p1gst3p @silvemistxe33 @cl0udy-grey @sweetchillipeppers @sharpcheese @aplaintart @thegeekisheere @vampirestrawberries @ishouldhavegonetobedsixhoursago @butter-lunch @logsteadshire @perytavern @sourparrot @childaintit @aikochan4859 @lukathecrime @fallxnly @novelist2 @ahmya-4 @little-gremlin-in-the-walls @supersecretsmutandco @the-flowerghost @cawcaw-pretty-thing @l1ttlepup1 @elias-code @ineedsomeconfidence @danielles-artroom @pineapple-banana-pie @ohnosiren @azilne @simp-of-newyork @shiroships @spac3goblyn @dominickle @whatever-happened-to-the-ducks @theseventhreincarnation @amibismexy

[babygirlizz]

izzie’s favorite movies and tv shows of 2020 (aka the worst year ever)

another year, another movie and tv show review. this year has, to put it simply, sucked. 2020 has been so terribly awful that sometimes the only light you can see are the absolute bangers of movies and tv shows that came out this year. with that being said, some of the movies and tv shows didn't come out in 2020. if the are mentioned in this post it is because they either: had a season come out this year, i found them this year, or they became popular this year.

SPOILERS: it may not come as a surprise but just in case you didn't realize, there will be many spoilers ahead, read at your own risk.

tw // death, suicide, drug use, mild adult language. if any of these things might trigger you, i strongly urge you not to read this post.

there is no specific order of these shows and movies, i'm just writing as they come to mind. if you enjoy any of these movies or tv shows, or if you have any suggestions for me, please let me know!

TV SHOWS

1) Santa Clarita Diet

Okay, so I know this show doesn't have anything to do with 2020. But, I found this show in 2020. I put it off for a while, thinking it wasn't my style of a show, but boy was I wrong. I loved this show. Sheila Hammond (Drew Barrymore) is a normal suburban wife and mom. She is a real estate agent with her husband Joel (Timothy Olyphant). She struggles with the fact that she isn't very adventurous. This all changes when she throws up an insane amount at a house showing. She then finds herself craving adventure, and craving human flesh. Yeah, she's a zombie. Not only is this show super hilarious, but it also shows the growth that they have with their characters and their family. I'm also team Abby (Liv Hewson) and Eric (Skyler Gisondo).

2) Outer Banks

So, I'm from NC. And, watching this show at first bothered me because I can very obviously tell this show isn't actually filmed in the obx, and the geography isn't exact, but once I got past that, I loved it. John B (Chase Stokes) is a teenager that lives in the poor side of the outer banks. He has a friend group called the Pogues which consists of JJ (Rudy Pankow), Pope (Jonathan Daviss), and Kie (Madison Bailey). They absolutely hate the Kooks, which are the rich kids. A while after John B's dad gets lost at sea, presumed dead, the group finds some evidence that may solve the mystery, and make them rich. In the process, John B falls in love with a Kook names Sarah (Madelyn Cline) whose father Ward (Charles Esten) may have a little more to do with the mystery than he let on. Through friendship, murder, and secrets, the gang may just figure out what happened to John B's dad.

3) Love, Victor

Alright. I loved loved loved Love, Simon. I also really loved the book "Simon vs. the Homosapien Agenda." So, when I heard about this show, I was so excited. Victor (Michael Cimino) is a teenage boy that moved to Creekwood with his family. He meets Felix (Anthony Turpel) who lives in his building. He also meets Mia (Rachel Hilson) and they begin dating. But, he also meets Benji (George Sear). While trying to get used to a new school, new friends, and a new relationship, Victor finds himself questioning his sexuality. With the help of Simon (Nick Robinson) and his friends, Victor finds it in himself to finally come out, and he admits his feelings, for Benji. This is such a good show, but I was so upset when season 1 ended on a cliff-hanger.

4) The Haunting of Bly Manor

The sequel to The Haunting of Hill House. Now listen, haunting of hill house was an absolute banger. When I saw that Bly came out I nearly died. I was so excited. But, I was alone in my apartment and also a lil bitch. So, I had to wait a week until I was home with my family to watch it. Now, I was so excited to be scared, and there were a few jump scares and ominous moments, but this season was more centered around the story line of Dani Clayton (Victoria Pedretti) and her new life in a foreign country. When seeing an ad for a live in job as an au pair. When she gets there, she meets the two young children she’ll be looking out for and the other workers of the house, including the gardener, Jamie (Amelia Eve). Throughout her stay at Bly she begins to notice weird behaviors from both children and by the end of the series she sacrifices herself for the children. Sadly, this story is being told by Jamie who Dani had fallen in love with during her stay at Bly. Now I was somewhat upset about the lack of horror, but was still very intrigued and drawn in by this series.

5) Julie and the Phantoms

Alright, at first I was not gonna watch this show. I thought it looked a little too young and childish for me, but everyone was talking about it on twitter so I had to. I. Love. This. Show. This show centers around Julie (Madison Reyes). Julie is a teenage girl who, sadly, lost her mother. The one major thing she shared with her mom, was their love for music. Since her mothers passing, she gave up music. This is until, dead musicians from the 90′s show up in her garage. Luke (Charlie Gillespie), Alex (Owen Joyner), and Reggie (Jeremy Shada) all tragically passed away in the 90′s after eating bad street hotdogs. When Julie finds their CD in her garage, she decides to play it and they come back in ghost form. But, only she can see them. With their help, she finds her confidence to play music again. Also, she has to find away for them to stay because they’re slowly disappearing. 

6) Derry Girls

Bitch. I love this show. And yeah it didn’t come out in 2020. Shut up. I found this show recently after watching the cast on the holiday special of the Great British Baking Show. I loved the actors so I had to watch the show. This show focuses on Erin (Saoirse-Monica Jackson) a 16 year old girl that lives in Derry, Northern Ireland in the 90′s. Alongside her is her cousin Orla (Louisa Harland), her two friends Clare (Nicola Coughlan) and Michelle (Jamie-Lee O’Donnell), and Michelle’s English cousin James (Dylan Llewellyn). During these years, a lot of people in Ireland struggled, especially because it was during wartime. Even thought this show isn’t focused heavily around the war, it’s amazing to see these teens live a fulfilling life while struggling with the state of their country, and the lack of money that their families have. 

7) Elite

HA. This show did have a season in 2020 so leave me alone. But bro, I love this show. At first, I didn’t watch it because I thought I could only watch the dubbed version in English, which I hate. I hate dubbed shows they look so weird. But, once I found out I could watch this show in Spanish, I fell in love. But, sadly, theres too damn much to talk about in one little post. It’s crazy. But basically it just follows the lives of teens in high school that are trying to survive. And no, not in the “I’m surviving high school,” sense. No, people be getting murdered. 

MOVIES (tbh i didn’t find a lot of movies good this year lmk which movies u liked this year and maybe i’ll like them!)

1) All the Bright Places

After the death of her sister, Violet (Elle Fanning) is devastated. She closes herself off, and has her parents get her out of doing school work that involves working with others. But, as time goes on, they realize she may need to start to move on. Violet then meets Finch (Justice Smith) who is enamored by Violet. He suggests they do a project together. While finding and visiting some of the smallest wonders of their state, they begin to fall for each other. While you are focusing on Violet and her mental health, you tend to miss some of the signs that Finch’s mental health isn’t great either, but by the time you do, it could be too late. 

2) Dangerous Lies

Hmm. This was weird for me. I had only ever seen Camila Mendes in Riverdale, and honestly, not a fan. So, Katie (Camila Mendes) and her husband Adam (Jessie T. Usher) are struggling with money. Katie decides to take a job working for an elderly man, and eventually gets her husband hired there as well. Unfortunately, he dies, but for some odd reason, leaves the house and all of his fortune, to Katie. As they get comfortable in the house, they begin to uncover some very weird and dangerous lies. 

3) The Devil All the Time

Ok. Iconic. You got so many hot men in this movie. Bill Skarsgård, Sebastian Stan, Tom Holland, Robert Pattinson. C’mon now. That’s crazy. But, this story is so long and in depth that I wouldn’t even know where to begin. This movie is a bit disturbing. It involves murder, sexual assault, killing of animals, and so much more so if that’s an issue for you please do not watch this movie. It was also quite long, but it was still good.

4) After We Collided

Okay just listen. I was that teenager. I read wattpad stories and was, embarrassingly, addicted to After. This was not a great movie per say, but it was After. This is a sequel to the movie After. This movie centers around Tessa (Josephine Langford) and her recovery after her breakup with Hardin (Hero Fiennes Tiffin). Theres sex, alcohol, bad acting. The whole nine-yards. But c’mon, they’re so cute together.

5) To All the Boys p.s. I Still Love You

Okay it was a good movie. I enjoyed it. This movie focuses on Lara Jean (Lana Condor) and her boyfriend Peter (Noah Centineo) and their relationship post the first movie. But of course relationships aren’t super steady, and John Ambrose McClaren (Jordan Fisher) shows up. Yeah, John Ambrose, from her letter. They become closer and Lara Jean has to decide who she wants to be with. Spoiler, it’s Peter. BOOOOOOO justice for John Ambrose McClaren, he deserved better. 

[dreamcatcherjiah]

PART 11

💞Tight Hearts (Idol!Hoseok x Reader)

Plot: The red string of fate was visible when our grandparents were children. They would play around, following the strings from one person to their soulmate and laugh happily when these two people inevitably found each other. It was a reason for happiness. But little by little, people stopped seeing the threads. In bad times, it was dangerous, it was a liability, so people stopped seeing them to protect each other from harm. When I was born, nobody saw them anymore, they just felt their soulmate. Anxiety, happiness, sorrow, love, the hearts of the soulmates are one, feel the same things, but it is almost impossible to find your soulmate, now that the threads cannot be seen.

Tight Hearts Masterlist

Part 11

A/N: I may have gone a bit overboard with this one, but I literally couldn't stop writing! I hope you guys like it! Tell me what you thought? ILY🥺♥️

The boys were practising for their next comeback and they could see how you, from the other side of the room, were desperately trying not to freak out at being allowed in the room while they did. The song was powerful, dark and all-around a fantastic feast for the eyes, or so had you blurted out to Jhope when he asked about your opinion. You had instantly turned absolutely red and went to hide in the furthest corner of the practice room, as far as you could go without feeling discomfort. He thought that was cute.

He went back to his dance, losing himself in the movements, letting go of his thoughts and only moving with the music. The choreography was still in the early stages, the changes in position weren’t as seamless as he would have liked, Tae nearly kicked him while trying to do the one-handed turn, but it was okay since they had time to polish every single thing before January. They moved into the title song, which still was missing some of his rap. He hadn’t been precisely in the right frame of mind to finish his bars but now, nothing was stopping him from taking you into his studio and getting to work. The choreography needed it anyway, there was no link between the first chorus and Yoongi hyung’s part, which made it incredibly difficult to choreograph anything. What they could do, however, was perfect the dance-break, Jin hyung had opted out when given the option and that left them in two groups of three. During his part, Hoseok’s eyes moved on their own accord and focused on your reflection in the mirror. Your embarrassment had completely disappeared from your face, now filled with awe. You followed every move with rap attention, your head bopping with the low base as his body moved and hit every beat. His heart swelled when he felt how pride radiated out of your every pore, reaching him through the bond, energising his soul, endowing his last steps with strength and precision. Now was Jungkookie, Yoongi and Namjoonie’s turn, their turns already flawless; Joonie’s face alight with glee when he managed the turn made you laugh. Yes, he was happy. You made him happy with only your presence but, the appreciation and the support you were giving them, not only because of your being an Army, touched something inside his chest.

When the music stopped, some of them dropped to the floor, almost all of them, save for Namjoon. He skipped his way over to you, screaming euphoric after nailing the choreography for the first time, zero mistakes! He grasped your hands and pull you upright, dancing around the room, jumping and turning, making you laugh in glee. The sound of you laughing made them all stop, no longer catching their breaths, but looking at the tender picture of you and Namjoon. His eyes glancing around at his brothers, Hoseok caught glimpses of Jiminie’s eyes hiding behind crescents when he smiled, Tae and JK laughing in disbelief, how Jin hyung took out his phone to record and winked at him, as if telling him I will send this to you later, don’t worry. Yoongi hyung was simply just looking at him, a deep glint of pride in his eyes and a satisfied smirk breaking through his impassive façade.

Hoseok’s feet took him, without even realising, to where you were standing now, your hip resting against the refreshments table with a huge grin splitting your face. Head devoid of thought he just got closer and closer to you, wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his head on your shoulder. He sensed the second when you registered what he was doing, your body tensing, to relax instantly. Your hand flew to his head, resting there and caressing the short, damp strands of his hair behind his ears.

A chorus of teasing voices surrounded the two of you, Hoseok not paying any attention to the jabs, only focusing on how his muscles had untangled and his agitated breathing had instantly calmed the second he touched you. His rapid heartbeat, he knew, was not due to the straining dance moves he just did. It was you, it was all you, surrounding him. Your scent inadvertently invading his senses, your hand moving from his head to the nape of his neck to finally rest around his shoulders in an all-encompassing hug. His breath now caught in his throat when his traitorous brain told him how the depth of his feelings, so fresh and novel, was reaching a point of no return. He didn’t care. As long as you were this bright presence by his side, he would never regret his feelings for you.

After joining Hoseok and Namjoon in the latter’s studio while they worked on some verses for the title song, you met the rest of the boys and all of you were led in the same cars you arrived at a restaurant to have dinner. The place was deserted as Hoseok led you by the hand to a private dining room where a huge round table was set for eight. The managers just led you in, told some things to Namjoon and Jin and left you to your own devices.

The room was nosy, with a happy Hoseok to your left and Seokjin to your right, your eardrums bursting, but still, you were happy.

“Taehyungie hyung almost ended up hanging up his wet shoes in the company’s bathroom!” Shouted Jungkook, his belly laugh so contagious that even Tae ended up laughing while trying to explain.

“You just hate your shoes Taehyung! Everyone knows it!” You told him, eating some bulgogi from Hoseok’s plate while he was distracted laughing.

“Now, that’s not fair, you have an unfair advantage,” Tae answered, setting his elbows on the table and supporting his weight on them, “you know an awful lot about us and we know practically nothing about you, miss Army,” his teasing remark made you instantly shut up, a blush reaching your ears. Hoseok instantly projected his care toward you, wanting to let you know that Tae didn’t mean it with malice.

Taking a deep breath, you braced yourself, searched for Hoseok’s hand and looked Taehyung straight in the eyes. “What do you guys want to know?”

Mischievous looks transformed the boys’ faces until Jin reined them in and calmed them by saying: “She may know about us, but she doesn’t really know us.”

While the staff came in and set the rest of the plates on the table, silence covered all of you. Seokjin was right. All of you knew it. You being a fan allowed you to know a certain amount of information about them, only the little bits that they chose to display, the little bits they shared. But there were many more sides to their personalities that they had kept close to their hearts. Namjoon wasn’t always the confident leader, his clumsiness too much for him sometimes. Yoongi, the quietest one, had been loud and supportive during rehearsals, running after the maknae line in a sort of catch-me-if-you-can game. They cared for each other in different ways, giving Hoseok a bottle of water as soon as he looked more winded than usual, hugging him from behind when a routine didn’t match his expectations… If anything, getting to know them from this close only made you love them more.

“You can ask me anything you want, it’s only fair. I’ll do my best to answer sincerely,” you smiled up at these men, so different between each other and yet they all had the same surprised look plastered on each of their faces. Hoseok recovered quicker than his brothers and reached you to kiss your cheek. Far from shying away from his show of affection, you smiled up at him, tightened your hold on his hand, and faced the table.

Namjoon was the first one to speak, brows furrowed as he played around with the food on his plate. “Let’s make this fair as you say,” he told you, “for each question from us you answer, we tell you something about us. I’ll start.” He looked around and after seeing six nods, took a deep breath and looked at you in the eye.

“I hate when we get asked questions about our personal lives during interviews about our music. They don’t care about it, they just want what Army can do. And I despise that.” His eyes were alight with sincerity as he opened up about himself, not about RM, but Namjoon. Smiling at him and nodding, you wordlessly thank him and give him the cue to ask you a question. “When did you start feeling pain because of the bond?”

Seeing his question had taken you by surprise, he looked sheepishly at you, waiting for your answer. He had dived right in.

“I was seventeen, maybe around 2011, it was something weird, like a pull behind the ribs. It wasn’t too much of a bother at the beginning, that changed over the years.”

Contemplating your words, the boys kept eating in silence while they mulled over who was going to ask you next.

“I… hate when people get close to us for our fame and use it against us,” said Jin next to you. His face was calm, his words steady. “Did you ever think it wasn’t worth it? Having a soulmate?”

Instinctively, your right hand flies towards his left, squeezing and looking at him. You didn’t have the strength to answer that question looking at Hoseok.

“A few months ago… I took a few days off work. The pain was so bad back then that I couldn’t even get up from the bed. I didn’t know who they were, but I just knew they were suffering the same pain I was. Hurting them that way didn’t make it worth it, I wanted to end it that day. I am not proud of it, but I don’t regret thinking it either.”

Suddenly, a wave of sadness hits you like a ton of bricks, just as Hoseok’s head rests on your shoulder. Jin looks at your wide eyes and smiles at you calmly. His presence is something you could never repay him for, you valued what a gift he was to the people around him. Without saying a word, you turn back to Hoseok, hugging him around the neck, only wanting to get rid of those negative feelings inside him. After a while, still agitated and without looking at you, he spoke.

“My biggest fear was being the reason my soulmate could potentially die,” he whispered, so low that you were sure nobody else had heard him. He shook himself out of his feelings and with a smile that didn’t really reach his eyes, spoke his question. “What do you value the most in life?”

Giving him back the biggest smile you could muster, you didn’t even need to think what to answer. It already was second nature, to tell the truth to this wonderful man, no questions asked.

“My independence, my parents always taught me how to be independent and I love the feeling of being able to provide for myself, give myself little prices when I feel like I’ve done something right and I am satisfied how it turned out.” Hoseok hadn’t taken his eyes away from yours as you answered, pride sweeping out of him as he kissed your forehead and settled you against his side for the time being. How fast had he caught on to know that you needed his comfort only from looking at your eyes?

The faces around the table were solemn and you got the feeling that the relaxed atmosphere they had intended for dinner had gone out the door the second Tae unknowingly started the interrogation. You wanted to stop, but you didn’t have the heart when they were also confessing to you, showing you parts of themselves. It was then when you realised that they also needed to tell you, not because they wanted to pay you somehow for the information you were giving up; they wanted you to get to know them as they were getting to know you. Jungkook was getting fidgety by the second and he was boring a hole in his plate with his stare until he raised his eyes and blurted out his confession.

“I grew up in the spotlight and I am used to the lack of privacy it brings, but when my life is aired out when scandals come out, I just want to be a 23 year old whose biggest concern is handing in essays on time and looking for a job,” he didn’t stop to breath while leaving it all out in the open and, giving the lack of reaction of his older brothers, this wasn’t the first time he lamented his lost childhood. “What is your happiest memory?”

You did have to think about that question; despite the pain, your college years had been some of the happiest of your life, when you picked up dancing and some of your best friends to the date you met then. Thinking clearly, there was a clear image in your head when you thought about the happiest moment of your life.

“It may have been my last year of college, some of my friends had been abroad the year before and we hadn’t seen each other in months. We met for Halloween, bought a ton of food and a lot of alcohol,” you chuckled, already happy only at remembering those couple of days, “we went to one of my friend’s house, we had pizza for dinner, listened to music and got drunk! I still remember clearly how my friend started dancing to Chungha and even dropped to the floor in the chorus of Gotta Go! We started speaking in English and we couldn’t switch back to Korean! We even started hugging each other every time we refilled our drinks…” you hadn’t noticed how you had raised your voice as you excitedly remembered that day, gesticulating with your hands, and now everyone in the room was happily looking at you, sweet smiles in their faces. You blushed a little bit and turned towards your soulmate, his head only a tad bit taller than you when he hugged you like this. His eyes were reflecting the happiness you were feeling and showing you just how much he cared for you.

Yoongi coughed a little, breaking the little bubble inside which you found yourself with Hoseok, making you focus on him.

“I know that, no matter what, music will always be a part of my life, but I am scared that people might misinterpret my message, dub me something I am not. Someone I am not,” he said, with such a conviction that the room descended into silence again. Even if his statement was frightening, how much of him depended on being understood, his gummy smile instantly made an appearance and, deviating his eyes to Hoseok for a millisecond, he asked: “Are you happy?”

“Immensely,” you responded, not needing to think and not needing to hide. After such a sincere question, that didn’t need further explanation, you looked at the two remaining men, while your soulmate’s arms tightened around you.

Taehyung and Jimin glanced at each other, debating who would go next and seemed to reach an agreement between them when Taehyung spoke first.

“I miss my grandmother a lot these days, I am always wondering what she would have said if she saw how far we’ve all come,” he told you, eye to eye, with a nostalgic smile that made his face solemn and distantly happy at the same time. “What are you most grateful for?”

The answer came instantly to your lips, but you had the good sense to clasp them closed before you blurted it out. You contemplated modifying your answer until something caught your attention; Namjoon was focusing all his attention on you, jaw locked and raised eyebrow, daring you to lie, to half-ass your way out of the question. That alone gave you the courage to say it, but it didn’t mean you couldn’t hide while saying it. Burying your face in your soulmate’s chest, you spoke up, loud enough so everyone in the room could hear.

“Hoseok.”

Loud whoops and peals of laughter could be heard even at the entrance of the restaurant, Hoseok’s chest vibrated with his sweet laughter, not restraining himself, he kissed the crown of your head several times and tightened, if it was even possible at this point, his hold on you until your ribs hurt.

Coming around the table with a face-splitting grin on his face, Jimin took your hand in his and extracted you from a not-so-happy Hoseok, who pretended to sulk while Jimin directed you to a part of the room that didn’t have furniture in it.

“I hated you at the beginning because you were hurting Hoseokie hyung, but now I don’t ever want you to ever leave,” he said all this with his sweet smile and didn’t even give you time to ponder on what he had said when he was asking, “Truth or dare?”

With a confused face, you hesitantly answered dare and began regretting it almost instantly, as he pulled out his phone, and gave it to Taehyung.

“I dare you to keep up with me dancing to Fake Love, if you manage, I’ll give you whatever you want,” Jimin told you, eyes filled with mischief and feet already moving of their own accord. Your jaw could have practically touched the floor.

“Are you… I haven’t danced in years, HOW DO YOU EVEN THINK I COULD KEEP UP WITH YOU?!” You accused, hearing disbelieving laughs behind you, “You just want me to make a fool of myself,” crossing your arms over your chest and stomping your foot, you were the picture-perfect image of a petulant child.

“You don’t fool me, I have been watching you while we practised, you know our choreos, you couldn’t keep yourself still and the movements that got away from you were precise and on the beat. You can do this, I just want to see if you have the courage,” he mocked you, arms cross in imitation of your silly pose and haughtiness rolling off of him in waves. Hoseok was looking between the both of you, looking oddly offended and pensive.

Now, pride wounded, you weren’t thinking in how seven professional idols were looking at you and analysing your every move, you just wanted to wipe the silly smile off his face. Signalling for Taehyung to start the song, Jimin asked whose part you wanted to dance. With a hoarse Hobi’s you tried to warm up your muscles at record speed, with your luck, the best end of the night would be you breaking a leg.

Before the music started playing, Taehyung telling you he’d give you a cue so you weren’t caught off guard with the sudden start, you closed your eyes. Among your anxiousness, you felt, strong and latent, how pride was slowly filling you, from the tip of your toes reaching up until there wasn’t a single part of your body that didn’t feel the emotion. Reassured and certain that Hoseok was still there, Taehyung gave you the cue and the music started.

In the beginning, your muscles screamed at you in outrage after so many months of disuse, outrightly refusing to cooperate. Still, you managed to keep in time with Jimin, his steps so fluent it didn’t even seem difficult for him. The chorus was tricky, you needed to put the energy you didn’t have behind your movements, needed to make it look flawless, one foot in the wrong place and you’d trip. Your breathing became laboured and you focused harder, that special calm that used to envelop you when you danced washing around you and blocking out everything but the music and the constant presence of Hoseok next to your heart.

Your back hurt when you had to crouch down and it still protested a little bit when you were supposed to be fighting with Taehyung and Namjoon while Yoongi rapped, but you pushed through. Now more than halfway through the song, you were aware that your eyes were open but unseeing, you were aware of Jimin waltzing laps around you but you didn’t care. After having to quit dancing because of the pain, you were feeling it again, the rush, the adrenaline. You were feeling the euphoria of it all.

You kneeled on the ground, while Jimin stood behind you, pretending that Taehyung was there, holding him. Then you got up and turned your back to the room, catching your breath, coming down from the high dancing had given you. The last chords of the outro came out of the speakers and you rolled your torso backwards to end up enveloping Jimin in an awkward hug. The song was over.

Breathing hard, and not hearing a single noise in the room, you dared a look around and found six pairs of wide-open eyes focused solely on you. Turning your head a bit to the right gave you a glimpse of a proudly smiling Jimin nodding at you.

“Was I that bad?” You asked, and six sets of jaws dropped to the tablecloth.

Tag list: @obsessoverthesmallthings247 @threedecadesofawkward@mabel-k3 @tremendousminyoongi @justignoremepleaz @demonic-meatball @hadaises @littlestsweetpea28 @rjsmochii @take-u-2-an0ther-w0r1d @gali-005 @salty-for-suga @indicisive-af @nomimits7@lysjeon @raisatarannum1234 @purplelady85@threedecadesofawkward @valentynxmgc @acopenhagenarmy@ephyra1230 @minluvly @trashandshook @brinascorpio@trixiethebear @hobi-love @geekgirl41402​ @annywaa​ @mirajanefairytailmage​

[maandarinee]

what are all the podcasts you listen to?

anon I'm so glad you asked

Since it is a pretty long list including synopses (stolen from the podcast feed or website because I'm Bad at summaries and in some cases it's been a while since I listened) I'm going to put it under a cut.

I've separated the list into "Complete" (either finished or cancelled) and "Ongoing" podcasts. Some have additional comments by me. Current favorites are marked orange. My eternal beloved are Our Fair City and Wolf 359.

Complete

ars PARADOXICA: "When an experiment in a time much like our own goes horribly awry, Dr. Sally Grissom finds herself stranded in the past and entrenched in the activities of a clandestine branch of the US government. Grissom and her team quickly learn that there's no safety net when toying with the fundamental logic of the universe."

Blackwood: "Five years ago, Molly Weaver, Bryan Anderson, and Nathan Howell started a podcast focused on the local legend of a monster called The Blackwood Bugman. Quickly, the investigation grew out of their control, as they discovered that, not only are the legends seemingly true, many people in Blackwood have turned up dead or disappeared without a trace." --> [this feels like the Blair With Project, but as a podcast. Didn't get a second season due to no funding, but it works as a standalone]

Dreamboy: "Dane, a spun-out musician spending the winter in Cleveland, Ohio, has two main goals: keeping his job at the Pepper Heights Zoo and trying not to waste all his time on Grindr. What he doesn’t expect is to get swept into a story about dreams, about forevers, about flickering lights, about unexplained deaths, about relentless change, and about the parts of ourselves that we wish other people knew to look for. Oh, and also a murderous zebra." --> [very NSFW; does cool things with music! Didn't get a second season due to no funding, but it works as a standalone]

King Fall AM: "...centers on a lonely little mountain town's late-night AM talk radio show and its paranormal, peculiar happenings and inhabitants." --> [cancelled after 100 episodes, ends on a huge cliffhanger]

Our Fair City: "A campy, post-apocalyptic audio drama." --> [I know the description sounds like nothing but just trust me, I love it so much]

Steal the Stars: "...is a gripping noir science fiction thriller in 14 episodes: Forbidden love, a crashed UFO, an alien body, and an impossible heist unlike any ever attempted."

Stellar Firma: "...a weekly Science Fiction, Comedy podcast following the misadventures of Stellar Firma Ltd.'s highest born but lowest achieving planetary designer Trexel Geistman and his bewildered clone assistant David 7. Join them each episode as they attempt to take listener submissions and craft them into the galaxy's most luxurious, most expensive and most questionably designed bespoke planets. However, with Trexel's corporate shark of a line manager Hartro Piltz breathing down their necks and I.M.O.G.E.N., the station's omnipresent and omniinvasive stationwide A.I. monitoring those necks to within 3 decimal places, they'll be lucky to make it a week before being slurried and recycled into raw human resources." --> [semi-improvised, I thought I'd have a problem with the improv bit because that's not usually my thing, but no, I absolutely devoured this]

TANIS: "...is a serialized docudrama about a fascinating and surprising mystery: the myth of Tanis. Tanis is an exploration of the nature of truth, conspiracy, and information. Tanis is what happens when the lines of science and fiction start to blur." [+ spinoff The Last Movie] --> [I have no clue what the hell is going on here]

The Black Tapes: "...is a serialized docudrama about one journalist's searc for truth, her enigmatic subject's mysterious past, and the literal and figurative ghosts that haunt them both."

The Magnus Archives: "...is a weekly horror fiction anthology podcast examining what lurks in the archives of the Magnus Institute, an organisation dedicated to researching the esoteric and the weird. Join new head archivist Jonathan Sims as he attempts to bring a seemingly neglected collection of supernatural statements up to date, converting them to audio and supplementing them with follow-up work from his small but dedicated team. Individually, they are unsettling. Together they begin to form a picture that is truly horrifying because as they look into the depths of the archives, something starts to look back…"

Time:Bombs: "...a new audio drama podcast about the hilarious world of bomb disposal. Ride along with EOD technician Simon Teller on the busiest night of the year for him and his team - when business is, quite literally, booming."

Wolf 359: "Life's not easy for Doug Eiffel, the communications officer for the U.S.S. Hephaestus Research Station, currently on Day 448 of its orbit around red dwarf star Wolf 359. He's stuck on a scientific survey mission of indeterminate length, 7.8 light years from Earth. His only company on board the station are stern mission chief Minkowski, insane science officer Hilbert, and Hephaestus Station's sentient, often malfunctioning operating system Hera. He doesn't have much to do for his job other than monitoring static and intercepting the occasional decades-old radio broadcast from Earth, so he spends most of his time creating extensive audio logs about the ordinary, day-to-day happenings within the station. But the Hephaestus is an odd place, and life in extremely isolated, zero gravity conditions has a way of doing funny things to people's minds. Even the simplest of tasks can turn into a gargantuan struggle, and the most ordinary-seeming things have a way of turning into anything but that." --> [starts funny, turns very intense]

Ongoing

Alba Salix, Roya Physician (+ The Axe & Crown): "A witch, her apprentice, and her fairy herbalist treat the ills of a fairy-tale kingdom." + "Gubbin the troll tavernkeeper deals with his clueless new landlord, his shady niece, and some new competition."

Archive 81: "A found footage horror podcast about ritual, stories, and sound."

Arden: "A (fictional) true crime podcast about cold cases and the reporter and detective who try to solve them."

Brimstone Valley Mall: "The year is 1999. Lurking somewhere between Hot Topic and the food court, five misfit demons from Hell kill time inciting sin in a suburban shopping mall. When the lead singer of their band goes mysteriously missing, the demons only have two weeks to find him before they play the biggest gig of the millennium - or face the wrath of Satan herself."

CARAVAN: "First rule of Wound Canyon: No one who gets in, ever gets out. So when a brilliant, ghostly specter flies through the sky amid the rain and lightning, Samir stumbles off a steep cliff and into a hidden world, one in which demons, vampires, and all other manner of paranormal creatures take sanctuary." --> [also pretty NSFW and horny in general]

Death by Dying: "The Obituary Writer of Crestfall, Idaho finds himself deeply in over his head as he investigates a series of strange and mysterious deaths… when he is supposed to simply be writing obituaries. Along the way he encounters murderous farmers, man-eating cats, haunted bicycles, and a healthy dose of ominous shadows." --> [I had to stop listening to this in public because it kept making me undignified laugh and snort noises]

Desperado: "Blood magic, Voodoo magic, old gods, new gods: We've got it all! Follow the story of misfits from all over the world, as they try to survive and protect their heritage from modern-day crusaders."

EOS 10: "Doctors in space, a deposed alien prince, a super gay space pirate and a fiery nurse who'll help you win your bar fight."

Girl In Space: "Abandoned on a dying ship in the farthest reaches of known space, a young scientist fights for survival (and patience with the on-board A.I.). Who is she? No one knows. But a lot of dangerous entities really want to find out. Listen as the story unfolds for science, guns, trust, anti-matter, truth, beauty, inner turmoil, and delicious cheeses. It’s all here. In space."

Janus Descending: "...follows the arrival of two xenoarcheologists on a small world orbiting a binary star. But what starts off as an expedition to survey the planet and the remains of a lost alien civilization, turns into a monstrous game of cat and mouse, as the two scientists are left to face the creatures that killed the planet in the first place. Told from two alternating perspectives, Janus Descending is an experience of crossing timelines, as one character describes the nightmare from end to beginning, and the other, from beginning to the end." --> [absolutely harrowing horror]

Love and Luck: "...is a fictional radio play podcast, told via voicemails and set in present day Melbourne, Australia. A slice of life queer romance story with a touch of magic, it follows the relationship between two men, Jason and Kane, as their love grows both for each other and their community." --> [soft and gay, feels like a warm hug]

Potterless: "Join Mike Schubert, a grown man reading the Harry Potter series for the first time, as he sits down with HP fanatics to poke fun at plot holes, make painfully incorrect predictions, and bask in the sassiness of the characters." --> [the only non-fiction podcast on the list]

Primordial Deep: "When a long extinct sea creature washes up on the shores of Coney Island, marine biologist Dr. Marella Morgan is contacted by a secret organization to investigate the origins of the creature’s sudden and unnatural resurgence. Soon, she and a team of experts find themselves living on the research station The Tiamat, traveling along the abyssal plains as they search for answers far below the waves. But there are dangers in these ancient waters. Reawakened, prehistoric monsters are rising from the deep -- jaws wide and waiting, and in the darkness, something is stirring."

Red Valley: "No one at Overhead Industries wants to talk about defunct research station Red Valley, and account man Warren Godby is out of his depth. When he meets Gordon Porlock, a disgruntled archivist with a bag of tapes from the station’s last known occupant, they will begin a journey to the limits of experimental science, confront horror and trauma from the past, present and future, and try to remember the cheat codes from Sonic the Hedgehog 2."

Rusty Quill Gaming: "An actual play podcast following a mixed ability group of comedians, improvisers, gamers, and writers as they play through the extended, tabletop roleplaying campaign Erasing the Line, an original game world of the GM’s crafting." --> [took me a while to get into because I have trouble focusing on non-scripted things, but eventually I got really hooked on the plot and attached to the characters. This podcast is really fucked up at times if you think about it]

SAYER: "A narrative fiction podcast set on Earth’s man-made second moon, Typhon. The eponymous SAYER is a highly advanced, self-aware AI created to help acclimate new residents to their new lives, and their new employment with Ærolith Dynamics." --> [feels like Welcome to Night Vale but narrated by GLaDOS from Portal]

StarTripper!!: "Join Feston Pyxis on a road-trip through the cosmos, as he leaves behind his old life in search of the best and wildest experiences the galaxy has to offer!"

The Amelia Project: "...is a secret agency that fakes its clients' deaths, then lets them reappear with a brand new identity! A black comedy full of secrets, twists... and cocoa."

The Big Loop: "...a biweekly anthology series. Each episode is a self-contained narrative exploring the strange, the wonderful, the terrifying, and the heartbreaking. Stories of finite beings in an infinite universe." --> [I don't like anthologies, except this one]

The Bright Sessions: "Dr. Bright provides therapy for the strange and unusual; their sessions have been recorded for research purposes." --> [think X-Men, but with therapy instead of a school]

The Deca Tapes: "Recordings have surfaced of ten people that are locked into the same space together. We don’t know where they are, or if they'll get out. But the answers must be somewhere on these tapes."

The Silt Verses: "Carpenter and Faulkner, two worshippers of an outlawed god, travel up the length of their deity’s great black river, searching for holy revelations. As their pilgrimage lengthens and the river’s mysteries deepen, the two acolytes find themselves under threat from a police manhunt, but also come into conflict with the weirder gods that have flourished in these forgotten rural territories."

The White Vault: "Follow the collected records of a repair team sent to Outpost Fristed in the vast white wastes of Svalbard and unravel what lies waiting in the ice below."

Tides: "...is the story of Dr. Winifred Eurus, a xenobiologist trapped on an unfamiliar planet with hostile tidal forces. She must use her wits, sarcasm and intellectual curiosity to survive long enough to be rescued. But there might be more to life on this planet than she expected." --> [think The Martian, but on a water planet]

Unwell, a Midwestern Gothic Mystery: "Lillian Harper moves to the small town of Mt. Absalom, Ohio, to care for her estranged mother Dorothy after an injury. Living in the town's boarding house which has been run by her family for generations, she discovers conspiracies, ghosts, and a new family in the house's strange assortment of residents."

VAST Horizon: "Nolira is an agronomist tasked with establishing agriculture in a new solar system, but when she wakes up on a now- empty colony ship, the whole of her plan disappears. The ship has been set adrift, with numerous mission-critical problems requiring immediate attendance outside of her area of expertise. Nolira is aided by the ship’s malfunctioning AI, which acts as her confidant and companion during the fight for survival."

Victoriocity: "Even Greater London, 1887. In this vast metropolis, Inspector Archibald Fleet and journalist Clara Entwhistle investigate a murder, only to find themselves at the centre of a conspiracy of impossible proportions."

We Fix Space Junk: "...follows seasoned smuggler Kilner and reluctant fugitive Samantha as they travel the galaxy, dodging bullets and meeting strange and wonderful beings as they carry out odd jobs on the fringes of the law."

Welcome to Night Vale: "Twice-monthly community updates for the small desert town of Night Vale, where every conspiracy theory is true. Turn on your radio and hide."

Within the Wires: "Stories told through found audio from an alternate universe."

Wooden Overcoats: "Rudyard Funn and his equally miserable sister Antigone run their family's failing funeral parlour, where they get the body in the coffin in the ground on time. But one day they find everyone enjoying themselves at the funerals of a new competitor - the impossibly perfect Eric Chapman! With their dogsbody Georgie, and a mouse called Madeleine, the Funns are taking drastic steps to stay in the business…" --> [one of THE funniest podcasts I have ever listened to]

[lady-z-writes]

Chapter 2 of my Heisenberg x Reader fic is finally out!

Smut below the cut:

The large door slams behind [Y/N], blocking out the cold air. Brushing passed Heisenberg, she tosses the logs down on the fire, urging it to roar back to life.

He’s staring when she glances over her shoulder. When he’s caught, he looks away bashfully, pretends to really be focusing on the pictures on her wall.

“Take your coat off,” [Y/N] demands as she stands.

“What?”

“Your coat. Take it off.”

Heisenberg narrows his eyes, grips at his hammer. “What are you playing at?”

She smirks. “Cute. I don’t plan to undress you, despite what Serena’s pheromones might be convincing you.”

“They have no power over me,” he denies, setting his hammer down.

[Y/N] merely raises an eyebrow at him, extends her hand for his jacket.

The thought of being undressed makes his gut flip for some reason so he busies himself by removing the coat and handing it to her. His hands are shaking so he clenches and unclenches his gloved fist to try to warm up his fingers.

She disappears into another room for a moment before returning with a glass and a whiskey bottle. His coat is placed on a nearby rack, moved closer to the fire to dry it off.

“To warm you up,” she suggests, handing him the whiskey and glass. “I’ll run you a hot bath.”

“N-no, that won’t be necessary,” but his body is chilled through and he’s pulling a chair closer to the fireplace in order to warm up.

[Y/N] leaves once more, ignoring him completely.

“Ignorant bitch.” Opening the bottle, he pours himself some whiskey, takes a sip. “Good booze, though.”

Heisenberg wants to inspect the books on a nearby shelf, but the warmth of the fire is too enticing. He realizes that he’s still feeling a little dazed after the incident with the tree-lady. There’s still a heaviness in his gut, a vague need that he doesn’t want to acknowledge right now – and he’s sure it has everything to do with those pheromones.

[Y/N] returns at the worst moment; right as he’s flashing back to the incident in the snow – his hands tracing over skin…he hasn’t touched someone like that in…-

“Bath’s ready,” [Y/N] announces. “If you are.”

Forearms pressing to his thighs, he leans forward, hoping he can cover himself until it’s safe to stand up.

He tries distracting himself with chatter, but he’s struggling on where to begin. He has so many questions.

“How many Cadou experiments live here?” he decides to start there.

[Y/N] sits on the chair nearest him. “Well…the ones that aren’t failures?”

“Failures?” he repeats.

“I mean, I guess we all kind of are. Miranda’s island of misfit toys – those of us that didn’t have influential families; those that had powers that just didn’t make the cut to exist in the main village.” The conversation is very distracting for his current predicament. “You have…-Lycans, aren’t they?” he nods. “Think of our Wendigo in a similar manner.”

Heisenberg gets it now. “And the rest?”

“Like I said: there’s no ruler, if that’s what you’re insinuating.”

“And Miranda?” he drones.

[Y/N] goes still now. “I think your bath will get cold.”

Heisenberg stands in an instant, uses his free hand to grip at her throat. He crouches.

“You’ll answer me. Now.”

[Y/N] nods against his hand, her gaze drifting from his eyes to his lips. “She’s always monitoring – even when we think she isn’t.”

“Are they devout?” he nods toward the door, asking about the other villagers.

“Not entirely,” [Y/N] chokes out.

“Are you?”

“Are you?” she retorts.

With a huff, Heisenberg lets go of her throat, stands, cusses.

It’s not that he wants a bath, but it surely would warm him up. Plus, they’re at a standstill; one of them has to make a move in order to progress. But if he admits his disdain for Miranda, will she tattle? Can he trust her?

She’s left him alone upstairs so naturally he’s scoping out the place. Nothing fancy: two bedrooms and a bathroom. She’s got crystals strewn about in odd places, candles lit, all the curtains drawn. It’s quaint.

The door doesn’t lock, which is unfortunate. Heisenberg grumbles the entire time he’s undressing, but the steam from the hot water is making him feel better already. It’s…inviting. He’d never admit it aloud.

Feeling foolish, he settles into the steaming tub with a sigh – not realizing how chilled he actually was, how sore he’d been. The small table beside the tub makes a convenient place to put down his whiskey, right beside the soaps. He imagines [Y/N] placed the table in here for a similar reason; that or reading in the tub.

He has plenty on his mind – many more questions he needs to ask [Y/N] but he can’t – not until he knows whose side she’s on.

Despite his best efforts, his mind still drifts. [Y/N] isn’t…unattractive by any means. He’s sure his wandering mind has everything to do with those pheromones from that tree-lady, but the way [Y/N] was looking up at him when he had his hand around her neck…

“Fuck,” he hisses as he looks down through the clear water.

Hard. Again.

Shifting deeper into the tub, he tries to ignore it, enjoy the warmth, heat up…but he can’t shake the need in him.

Agitated, he decides to clean up a bit, surprised she didn’t leave him with flowery-scented soaps.

Fighting instinct, Heisenberg refuses to relax any longer – lest he falls asleep in this tub. His hard cock is still distracting. Well, it’s this or be disjointed all night; let his eyes travel all over her body instead of focusing on the answers he desires.

Her skin felt so soft…it felt so good to touch someone in that way.

His closed fist is moving around his cock before he even realizes he’s doing it; the slight whooshing of the water too loud for his taste. Right now, the thought of [Y/N]’s laughter as she sees him like this – teases him for being needy. It’s downright insulting.

Embarrassing to be masturbating in some stranger’s home; shameful, yet…sort of…erotic?

Thumb gliding over his tip, he arches and bites back a moan. He lets the water glide around him while he exhales through his nostrils.

Close. Too close.

He hears the whistling wind outside, decides to swallow down the remainder of the whiskey before he gets serious with his intention. There’s a nagging feeling that he needs to get this out of his system in order to really focus on what he’s doing here. Damn that temptress.

Heisenberg steps out of the tub, wraps himself in the soft towel [Y/N] left for him, and starts stroking his cock again as the water drains.

Closing his eyes, he lets himself fantasize…images of Serena, of [Y/N], his scarred hand on her soft skin, the way she looked at his half-chub, how she felt pressed against him. How long had it been since he’d let himself fantasize? Longer, still, since he’d touched anyone in a remotely sexual manner.

And there was a reason for that.

Because he couldn’t stop himself.

It’d been so long that he knew it would be the floodgates opening – a total fucking disaster for whatever poor soul gets his attention. He’d start and not want to let go. Heisenberg had shrouded himself away from his animalistic desires for so long, he’s almost nervous to see who he’ll become if the levee broke.

Well, he’s about to find out.

Fist pumping around his cock, he lets himself feel this pleasure. It isn’t long before he’s biting back grunts as he spills into the draining water, frantically chasing that release.

It’s enough to take the edge off, but it also isn’t nearly what he truly desires.

Dressing, he cracks his neck and takes a second to refocus, button up, shove down what he just unburied.

Right.

His goal is to learn this village, know what [Y/N] knew, maybe make an ally – a useful ally, might he add.

If only he could get passed that mouth of hers.

•••

[Y/N] is in the kitchen when he comes down – whiskey bottle a little lighter, clearly, she’s been drinking too. It smells amazing in the house and he realizes she’s mixing a pot of soup.

“I hope you’ll have some…and then I think it’s best if you leave.”

“Leave?” he repeats her. “Oh, no, I’ve got questions and you’ve got answers. I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart.”

The name wasn’t endearment but she still heats up anyway. A Lord calling her this? Unreal.

“I just…I really think it’s best for you,” she ladles soup into a bowl for him, places it on the kitchen table.

“What, you turn into a Lycan at midnight?”

“Nothing like that,” she dismisses.

“Then what?” he puts himself in her personal space, towers over her, likes the stirring in his chest. “I’m not moving until you tell me why.”

She looks contemplative – frustrated.

“It’s because of Mother Miranda, okay?”

He cocks his eyebrow at her. “S’that so?”

“I answered you, can you move?”

He raises his hands, side-steps, turns toward her as she takes a few steps back.

“You and Miranda talk much?”

She’s silent again, places her own bowl on the table. “Eat before it gets cold.”

“Rather powerless to be making these kinds of demands,” he teases.

“And in my presence, so are you.”

The menacing look he gives her makes her freeze. In an instant, she’s pushed up against the wall; his forearm against her neck, body pressing harshly against hers.

His gaze flicks down to her lips as she lets out a shaky – almost erotic – breath.

He doesn’t even say anything, simply presses his thigh between her legs just to hear that sound again. She bites her lip to muffle it, but it’s there, and he can feel a jolt in his abdomen. The excitement that blooms in him is surprising.

“So, I’m still having a reaction from that bitch’s pheromones – what’s your excuse?”

She’s embarrassed, called out, and it looks cute on her. He shifts his thigh just slightly but enough to earn a startled look.

“H-Heisenberg, I’m sorry.”

He hums a, “don’t be” before ducking to kiss her.

She kisses him back, meeting tentatively until his fingers knot in her hair and pull. It’s like he’s awakened something in her too, the way she’s hungry for more. Her hands drape over his shoulders as he removes his forearm from her throat. Hair still damp, he’s hatless and she thinks it’s handsome.

“You should eat,” she finally manages between heated kissing.

“Mmmm, yeah, I should…”

The innuendo makes her heated, pawing at his shirt yet almost trying to push him away.

“You don’t know what you’re doing, sir. It’s Serena’s power still.”

“And how, exactly, do I stop it?”

“This’ll just feed into it more,” she says this, but her eyes are taking in every inch of him that she can see – the crush she’s developed starting to make itself known. “It’ll wear off in time, but…” his fingers trail down her neck, lower until he cups a breast. “You aren’t exactly helping speed up the process.”

“May as well have fun with it, right?”

[Y/N] inhales sharply as his lips meet hers again in a hurried kiss. She doesn’t pull back right away, but lets him linger there before her better judgement kicks in.

“You shouldn’t be here,” she tries to sound demanding, harsh, but her voice waivers.

“Says who?”

“Says Miranda.”

Talk about a boner-killer. Heisenberg takes a step back, watches [Y/N] try to right herself. He narrows his eyes, sits down at the table.

“So, you do talk to her?”

[Y/N] shakes her head, sitting too. “When she sent me away to live here, she told me to stay away from the village – from you all.”

They’re silent during the time it takes them to eat their soup; him trying to focus on her words but still finding his mind drifting to more physical things, and her crossing her legs while barely tensing them just to try and get some stimulation.

She’s flustered, he can see that, but he’s sure it’s from the confession she just made.

“How ‘bout another drink?” he grabs the bottle and [Y/N] jumps up to get him a new glass, following orders.

He’s another half glass in by the time she gets the guts to say, “For the record, I’m not devout.”

At her words, he remains silent and she doesn’t know if that’s a good or bad thing. He could turn her into Miranda for that – clue her in that one of her creations isn’t praying to her every day. She’d wondered about the others – how the Lords took to Miranda’s demands and regulations.

“Really now?” he finally replies.

“Figure I’ve got a target on my back anyway. What’s the point in keeping it from you?”

He quirks a brow at her. “And what’s your plan if I tell her that?”

She shrugs. “I’m sure it won’t make much difference in the long run.”

The hollow look in her eyes is telling.

He leans back, finishes off his drink. “Noted, dollface.”

She deadpans at him, ignoring the nickname. “You’re not gonna scurry off and tell her any of that?”

“Why? Should I?”

“I mean, no.”

“Well, then?” he laughs at the stunned look on her face. “Look, I want the bitch dead more than anyone else. We just gotta play the game for now. And her finding out about those of us that aren’t devoted to her? Not a good game plan.” She wants to respond, but she looks shocked. “Ah, what, surprised?”

“You…want to kill…Miranda?”

“Yeah,” he says it so nonchalant, like it’s nothing.

It’s subtle, but she lifts her glass and clinks it with his in a sort of toast.

So, they’re in agreement then?

[mckinnon-mp4]

unremarkable days.

summary: sirius black is trying to be a good man, a good brother, a good person. Sirius has a steady job designing book covers for a publishing house, a flat he never leaves, and a traumatized brother who was just removed from the custody of his parents. All in all, it's wildly unremarkable.

chapter:  4/?

characters: sirius black, regulus black, wolfstar, background marauders

tags: tw: canon compliant abuse, child abuse, social services, abuse

words: 3. 8 k

read it on ao3 here

read the last chapter here

Sirius knew that work was going to be high stress all day. He felt sick to his stomach, thinking about the way he would continuously have to talk to people, when all he wanted was some peace. He wanted downtime. Time when he didn’t have to think about how he needed his paycheck to put food on the table, clothes on his brother’s back, pay bills to keep his lights on, wifi for homework. Regulus occupied his thoughts at all times, protecting him was Sirius’s only priority these days. He didn’t have time for anything else. Not his friends, not his interests, not music. Nothing could come between his focus and his brother’s wellbeing, because if it did, Sirius would never forgive himself. The consequences were too dire. So instead, he just wished for downtime that wouldn’t come, and prayed for the weekend to approach even faster. 

The weekend, when he could finally sleep again, albeit not well. The weekend, when he had the time to take a breath, even if it was only brief. Because his weekends were also spent finding ways to better equip his apartment for his younger brother, going to long grocery runs so Regulus had lunch to take to school, meal prepping all of the things he couldn’t bring himself to eat for dinner. He was definitely tired of all of the ways his mind was spiraling out, he didn’t have the time. He didn’t fault Regulus for it, it wasn’t the teen's presence in his life that was causing all this stress. It really was his own fault. A bit of crying at that first hearing had given Walburga and Orion the satisfaction of a victory over him at that first hearing, and they seemed to crave more of that chaos. They wanted to watch their children suffer, and this was how they chose to do that. So instead he spiraled in the privacy of his own home, because he could practically hear the words they burned into his mind whenever he saw them, and feel the ache of old beatings. 

But it was only Thursday, and that meant he still had to do this all day, and  then get berated by the rest of the team for not attending their weekly bonding happy hour. If he was lucky,  no  one would ask him to go. He knew he should be less terrified of them asking, most of the people on his team were his friends. There was simply the question of Remus, and Sirius didn’t have the time to be thinking about him in the first place. 

He didn’t have time to think about  the way his hair curled just the right way to fall into his eyes when he slept, or the way his caramel freckles made him look sunkist. He didn’t have time to think about the  pink scars that ran down Remus’s face or how they got there. He definitely didn;’t have time to think of the comfort  of his hand combing through Sirius’s own mop of unruly curls. So instead, he needs to  put  all of that out  of his mind. It wasn’t going to help him do well at work. It wasn’t going to solve his problems. He didn’t have the  time for this, nor did he have the emotional bandwidth. Perhaps that was why Sirius was conveniently avoiding the idea that he had asked Remus on a date. With some luck, Remus would think he was just an asshole who ghosted him. That was definitely complicated by the fact that they worked together, that he couldn’t just disappear. He wanted to, he really did, because there was simply no time. 

He set up his deliverables as though he had made tons of them, because his employment in this company  rode on it. Just two months ago, he was pegged to be promoted within the next two cycles, and now he could barely hold on to his sanity enough to handle his workload. He was so fucking tired, and he had so much on his plate. He needed to mentally prepare himself for the long day of meetings ahead of him. He had no true motivation to do his job right now, all he knew was that his exhaustion was no excuse. He knew that his boss, Alice, was giving him a whole lot of leeway right now. She was probably doing more than she should to help him. Being a mentor on the senior design team didn’t mean she needed to keep tabs on his personal life and pick up his slack. 

“Sirius–” 

When Sirius focused back into the meeting he was calling into, it occurred to him that they’re talking to him. So he did what he always did, blamed it on a shoddy connection. 

“Oh, sorry, can you repeat that? My audio cut out.” 

“Remus was saying that some of  the poems could probably use illustrations, and he was wondering if you had any ideas on which ones needed it.” 

“Thanks, Peter.” Sirius was glad that he knew the people on this team, that Peter and James were as close to him as anyone could be. Because otherwise, he’d probably be fucked. 

“So I was looking through them, and I was thinking Bite, Magick, and Love I could probably use larger scale illustrations. But at the same time, we don’t want to crowd the book. How attached are you to the current order or page arrangement?” 

It felt too close, but he was lucky that he had at least read the titles of some of the poems in the first half of the book. Sirius knew Remus didn’t actually know what his level of involvement was. He thought it was just doodles, but Sirius would be responsible for presenting everything from kearning and font choice within the pages, to illustration and cover art to the design team. He was integral to the success of this book as a product, and he  needed to start acting like it. 

“I’m pretty attached.” Remus sounded cold to Sirius, and he wondered what exactly he had done wrong in this meeting. And yet, he didn’t have time to think on it. He needed to keep things moving, keep getting valuable information out of the author. Hook up be damned, Sirius needed this book to actually get off the ground. 

 “Okay, well we should get a meeting on the calender to discuss. What poems and what scale of illustrations you want–” 

“Shouldn’t you be deciding what the illustrations look like and the logistics of those. Isn’t that what you  get paid for?” Remus really wasn’t making this easy on Sirius. But he had dealt with bigger demons and divas then whatever this attitude was. So he put on a light and airy smile, one they’d never know didn’t reach his eyes over the low quality webcam and nodded. 

“If you’d like to take a hands off approach with the design work, that can absolutely be arranged. But in the case of a fledgling project with a new author, the design team, myself included, really hope to prioritize your artistic license so that we can get a better sense of your vision for your literature, should Quill move forward with other publications in the future.  We can provide a completely in-house service, with as much input as you feel necessary during the design process, and deliver collateral towards the end of the project when final edits are done, if you would prefer, Mister Lupin.” 

Sirius practically wanted to scream. He needed Remus to stop fucking with his job, with his livelihood. He couldn’t lose this project. He needed all of the billable hours he could get if he was going to justify the overtime he needed in order to provide for his brother. This was ridiculous. But his clinical and polite answer must have thrown Remus, because he didn’t get much more attitude out of him. The back and forth had ended. So instead, Sirius pulled up his deliverables for the week, which included new iterations for the covers, and twelve illustrations for the three poems he had mentioned. 

He noticed the way Remus looked at his drawings, like he was pained by whatever his thoughts were, and Sirius wants to scream that he’s under no obligation to think that they’re good. But then he remembers that Remus seemed to be nitpicking on purpose, based on his critique of the design system itself. Sirius didn’t have the time to deal with that level of petty, just because he hadn’t been answering. He was too busy. He had too much on his plate. So instead he continues his presentation. 

“I don’t like any of these. Maybe you should start over.” Remus sounded vindictive, even mean. Like he was doing this out of spite.  Sirius could feel his heart drop in that moment. He didn’t want to start over. He didn’t have the time. 

“What do you not like about them?” Sirius is trying to salvage his work while he can. 

“The vibe is off.”

“Oh, is there something specific that throws it off or...” Sirius trailed off, wondering what exactly he needed to change. 

“No, it’s the whole thing. All of them are just off.” 

Sirius needed to think quick on his feet. He didn’t have the time to start from scratch, so he pulled up his original thumbnails that he had discussed with Remus. 

“These are the original sketches we discussed. I moved forward with the ones we talked about. I’m happy to rework those sketches,” no, he wasn’t. “But if there’s another sketch that you think would fit your vision better, please let me know.” He felt like he was pleading with Remus not to hate his artwork. He’d be a liar if he said it wasn’t a blow to his self esteem to hear that everything that he did was bad. 

“No, I would suggest you start over.” 

Sirius nodded, his mind immediately whirring with ways he could start over and re-design this project. He really didn’t want to do it. He didn’t want to do hundreds of thumbnails to get set on thirty, only to be destroyed in a meeting again. Especially when Remus seemed so excited about all of his illustrations before the meetings. It felt like too much. He didn’t have the energy for this kind of behavior. 

Luckily, Marlene directed the conversation away from Sirius’s work. The rest of the call went on without a hitch, like the only person who’s work Remus had a problem with was Sirius’s. He knew that it was more likely for Remus to have a problem with him, because design work was usually something an artist thought of as easy; however, this felt calculated and cold. If Sirius had been avoiding Remus before, it definitely wasn’t about to get better. So instead, he listened to the end of the meeting, and started the project all over again. He could do this. It was an unremarkable critique. It didn’t matter.

[marshmallow-phd]

Catching Rain

Part of The Untamed - EXO Wolf Universe

Genre: Wolf!AU

Pairing: Minseok x Reader

Summary: You were more than satisfied with your life. You attended a nice college, had nice friends, a nice boyfriend. That’s what your life was: nice. You weren’t looking for anything more, so what were you to do when this seemingly harmless boy walked into your life and turned your nice little world into one much more dangerous?

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I Epilogue

**

The theatre was loud, opposite of its normally hushed nature. People were yelling back and forth, saws and drills screeching as they tore through wood. In the background, sewing machines could be heard, along with the occasional curse as the needle got stuck in the fabric. One person, however, was quiet, focused. The paintbrush in his hand was small. The hairs tightly pressed together in order to create the perfect details on the backdrop. Erik was hunched over, sitting cross-legged on the stage floor as he squinted at the distant forest he was perfecting. Setting your bag down in the second row, you headed up the stage stairs.

“Hey,” you said softly in order not to scare him. 

Blinking, he turned around. His glasses were on the very tip of his nose, having slipped from the slight bit of sweat that had conjured on his face from the glaring stage lights. With a green speckled finger, he pushed the frame back up to its proper position. “Hey! I thought you had a project?”

You shrugged. “I did, but… I kind of hit a wall and needed to give my brain a rest. I’m sorry, I guess I should have gotten lunch with you anyway.”

“That’s alright. If you want, I still have half of my sandwich left.”

Smiling, you ruffled his hair. “Thanks, I’m not really hungry.” Minseok’s dismissive response had ruined the idea of food for you. Later you knew you would be starving, but right now food sounded like a great way to churn your stomach and see what it had been brewing all morning. “I’m just going to go hang out in the seats, if that’s okay?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “No one will bother you or question it. Not that anyone would notice in the first place.”

“It’s pretty crazy around here, isn’t it?”

“You missed the big explosion when Dorothy couldn’t find the armchair for the second act. Turns out, someone just leaned a piece of wood for the set against it and hid it from view. Still took us half an hour to find it.”

You snorted. “Wow. I’m actually kind of sad I missed that.” You kissed his cheek, careful to avoid a smear that you were sure he had no clue about. That stupid guilt knocked once again.

The seat was only slightly comfortable, the cushion long ago worn down from a thousand performances. You stewed there in the second row. Though it wasn’t appropriate during shows, you didn’t think anyone would care if you set your feet on the seat in front of you. Folding nearly in half, you hid your face from those who might look your way as you cranked the handle to get the gears in your head to turn. 

Confusion seemed like too weak a word to describe what was going on in your head. You were angry, frustrated, sad, relieved. There had to be some language in the world that tied those emotions all together. You just didn’t know it. Perhaps that one word could be the pill you needed to no longer feel this way. If you could shove all of that into a single box, you would be fine. But is it ever that simple? When you closed your eyes and tried not to think of anything in particular, Minseok’s face faded into view. You’d shake your head to drive the image away. It came back anyway.

You felt powerless against this unseen pull, this innate desire to see him again, even after what had just happened in the courtyard. Your mind made excuses, told you that if you simply asked him to explain then he would. Looking up at Erik, you sighed. 

There was no comparison because they were two different people. Erik was the sensitive artist, the kind who went to coffee shops on Friday nights to hear a mediocre guitar player sing his “poetry” because he believed everyone deserved an audience. Minseok, on the other hand, was a strange combination of math lab nerd and soccer team captain. He was goofy and dorky, easily amused by corny jokes, but also had the physique of someone who ran five miles in the A.M. for the fun of it. What you couldn’t figure out was what drew you to him in the first place. In any normal, not-already-dating-someone situation, you wouldn’t have been interested in his type. Yet, it was almost… effortless, being around him. Even after all these years, you sometimes had to force yourself into conversation with Erik. Comfortable silences didn’t exactly exist in your relationship, but you always chalked that up to your own personality. Now you wondered if those moments would be better with Minseok. 

Was this a normal thing? You heard stories of college sweethearts all the time and for the last few years, you thought you and Erik would join that club. You hadn’t thought about marriage, per se, but you hadn’t seen an end either. The idea of coming to a fork in the road had never occurred to you. While logic and third party advice you’d casually picked up over your life told you to stick to the left, you were being drawn to the right. One road you could easily see where it led, signs, clear pastures, and everything. The other way wasn’t as clear, disappearing into thick woods that were both inviting and foreboding. You didn’t know if there was another side for the road to come out to. The only way you would ever find out would be to follow it. 

You were able to sit there in that second row seat for a few hours, surprisingly, with your phone and the internet as your companion. Only occasionally would you contemplate that fork again. Left, right, left, right. Easy, hard, easy, hard. In the end, you decided you needed to see Minseok again to really decide. 

The stage manager called it quits late in the afternoon. Erik washed up his brushes and came to meet you. “Hungry yet?” You nodded, more for something else to do before you were alone again. “Good. I’m starving.” Taking your bag like the gentleman that he was, he waited for you to stand up and then walked you out of the theatre.

Dinner ended up being a small burger joint that Erik had been craving all day. You gave no complaints as you started salivating at the thought of their fries. Surely they had to have some sort of secret, addictive ingredient to make fried potato sticks so incredibly delicious. The two of you ended up splitting a large basket of the side. It stayed equally in the middle of the table so no one could say that the other was hogging. Yes. Safe. Easy. Seeable. 

Erik offered a follow up to dinner, but you feigned exhaustion (though there might not have been any faking truthfully, as your mind was tired from constantly running throughout the day). He walked you all the way to the door of your room. As usual, he told you goodnight and leaned in for a kiss. But unlike your normal anticipation, you flinched back to avoid his lips. He stared at you in confusion. Clearing your throat, you made it up to him by kissing his cheek before running for cover in your dorm. From the light of the hallway, you could see that Erik stood on the other side for a few seconds, hesitating to understand what had just happened, before finally walking away. 

Teeth clenched down on your bottom lip, you pulled your phone out of your back pocket. Thankfully, Willa was still out so you were alone. The glare of your phone burned in the darkness. You squinted as you moved your thumb across the screen, unlocking it before opening the contacts. The number you wanted was easy enough to find. The pad of your thumb hovered over the little green phone. It accepted the slightest touch and switched over to calling mode. You placed the speaker to your ear. 

Rrriiinggg. Rrriiinnngggg. 

“Hello?”

You sucked in air. He’d answered. You didn’t have a plan for this. You didn’t have any sort of plan after pressing call. You’d hoped that he was one of those people who didn’t have a voicemail set up. 

“Hello? (y/n)?”

You hung up. 

**

Minseok watched you stalk off in the exact direction he wished you hadn’t. Anywhere else; he would have been fine with you going anywhere besides the theatre where your boyfriend was. His wolf growled and clawed with jealousy. Why was he so stupid? Since when was keeping his mate a secret more important than being with you? Of course he wanted to eat lunch with you, to see how you got along with his brothers. But the idea of Baekhyun figuring it out had caused him to panic. As obnoxious as Baekhyun could be, he wasn’t stupid. At some point during the meal, Minseok would have done something a little overprotective and Baekhyun would have started to connect the dots. Unfortunately, he’d already picked up on something. 

“Oooo, breaking the rules, are we?” The brat even had the audacity to wiggle his eyebrows at the eldest wolf. 

Not holding back, Minseok swung, hitting a good target on the upper arm. 

“Ow!”

“First, it's not a rule,” Minseok grumbled. “Junmyeon simply suggested that we don’t date. Besides, you’re one to talk. How’s Daisy?”

Baekhyun was hardly phased. He sported a cheeky grin. “She’s great.”

Bored, Sehun asked, “Can we just go eat now? Who cares who Minseok was flirting with?”

“I wasn’t flirting with her!” Minseok shouted. He explained in a lower voice, “She’s having trouble in her math class so I’m doing Sungkyu a favor and helping her out so she can pass. That’s it.”

“So why didn’t you want her to eat with us, then?” Jongin asked innocently. 

Minseok flinched. Jongin was more observant than anyone would give him credit for. Not that Minseok was subtle in any sense of the word. “I didn’t say that I didn’t want her to eat with us. Knowing you all, you would have let something slip about what we are.”

“Minseok, we all caught that she was willing to join us,” Chanyeol said. 

Huffing, Minseok grumbled, “Are we going to go eat or should I just go by myself?”

Shrugging off the odd behavior, Baekhyun turned and headed for the parking lot. Minseok was quick to follow, feeling smaller than normal surrounded by his pack members. In his head, he pictured himself running back towards the theatre, bursting through the doors, and - in true dramatic fashion - declaring you his. 

That would be a complete disaster. He should only do that if he wanted you to never talk to him ever again. 

Minseok hardly paid attention as Chanyeol drove them to his favorite pizza place. He was in a trance as the others took control of what to order. Physically, he sat in the booth next to Sehun with Baekhyun on the other side. His shoulder was pressed into the chipped wooden guard rail that ran along the wall but he hardly noticed the uncomfortable poke in his skin. His mind was still back at the campus. He was driving himself crazy trying to figure out how he was going to make this up to you, how he was going to explain his bizarre switch up to you. He hardly ate, which was fine since the others were more than happy to devour the three large pizzas with varying toppings. The others weren’t bothered by his quietness since it was nothing new. Minseok was always more of an observer than a participant. In a time like this, it worked to his advantage.

There was no consulting Minseok when the lunch was through. They all simply piled back into the car and headed out of town towards the woods. Vague mentions of going for a run were tossed around. Minseok didn’t voice any sort of agreement. He wasn’t in the mood. Ha. A wolf not in the mood to run wild among the trees? He really was turned upside down because of you. While the younger ones headed straight for the trees, Minseok headed up the porch and through the front living room until he came to the kitchen. Oh, thank god. There were still beers in the fridge. He grabbed one and immediately opened it, still chugging as he walked over to the breakfast booth. 

“Did you have fun?”

Junmyeon slid into the booth across from him. Minseok put the can down. “Yeah. At first. We had fun with the project. It was when the others showed up that things…  went bad.”

“What do you mean?” Junmyeon asked with a frown. 

“I… panicked. The others invited her to join us and I….” Minseok shrugged. 

“Worried that the others would figure it out?” Junmyeon guessed. The response was a nod. 

“Figure what out?” 

Shit.

Baekhyun stood in the entryway, looking back and forth between the eldest and the alpha. Minseok gulped. He thought that all four of them had gone out on a run and he hadn’t heard anyone else in the house. Stepping further into the kitchen, Baekhyun asked again, “Figure what out?”

Minseok looked to Junmyeon for help. None was to be found. 

“You should probably tell them.”

“I’m not going to tell just Baekhyun so he can go running and tell the others and exaggerate.”

“I can always call a family meeting.”

“I don’t want to make that big of a deal out of it.”

“Too late on that. Besides, that’s the best way to get everyone here. Get it out of the way.”

“Or to get none of them here.”

“I’m still standing here,” Baekhyun scoffed.

Minseok looked at him. “I know.”

Junmyeon sighed. “Baekhyun, will you go get the others? Tell them it's important?”

He nodded. “Sure. Be back in a flash.” He left, already shedding the hoodie over his head. 

Slumping down in the booth, Minseok felt defeated. Junmyeon sensed this immediately. “It really won’t be that bad. And they need to be prepared.”

“Prepared?” 

“Yes. Once a pack member finds the first mate, the others will slowly start to find their own. It won’t be immediate. It could take years, really. But it’s like a domino effect. They should be aware that it's their turn next.”

It made sense. The pack was always connected, both in mind and in instinct. But it had been just them for so long, the idea of bringing in mates to the fold was odd. Minseok wasn’t sure how the others would react. Fists clenched on the table, he leaned his head down. It took almost half an hour before the rest of the pack came back. Yixing had arrived first, coming back from a lab he was making up from earlier in the week. The rest came into the kitchen ten minutes later. They were knocking into each other as they yanked on shirts and pants. 

“Okay, Junmyeon, what’s the emergency?” Jongdae asked, very prepared to be his usual sarcastic, troll self. 

But Junmyeon didn’t reply, letting Minseok take the reins instead. Minseok didn't want to do this. He wanted to run, to keep his secret a little while longer while he figured this whole thing out. But Junmyeon was right. It was time.

“(y/n) - the girl that some of you met today… she’s my mate.”

It was pure silence in the kitchen. It was unnatural in this household. The only time it was ever this quiet was when the house was empty. 

“I’m sorry,” Jongdae said. “You said… mate? Right?” Minseok nodded. He growled.  “Fantastic.”

“You really found your mate, Minseok?” Yixing was more enthusiastic about the news. He looked elated, even. A small smile was creeping up. 

Despite the stunned silence, Minseok found Yixing’s energy infectious. “Yeah. I did.”

“Have you told her yet?” Chanyeol asked. 

“She has a boyfriend,” Jongin reminded him. 

“Oh. Right.”

“I’m working on it,” Minseok said. “I just-” His phone vibrated in his pocket. Pulling it out, his eyes widened at the name popping up on the screen. With sixteen eyes on him, he answered, frantic. “Hello?” A gasp on the other end. “Hello? (y/n)?” You didn’t answer. Two seconds ticked by and you ended the call. He stared at his now black screen in shock. Then his brain started again. “I got to go.”

“Was it her?” Junmyeon asked. 

“Wait, I have more questions!” Baekhyun whined. Minseok was out of the kitchen in a heartbeat, jumping into his car and flying down the road. He didn’t know if you were hurt or in trouble. Why had you called him? Why didn’t you say anything? He was determined to find out. There was only one problem. 

He didn’t know your dorm number. 

You’d briefly mentioned the shared campus housing with your best friend, but that was all the information he had. Looks like he would have to find it the old fashion way. 

Asking. 

As soon as he parked, he headed towards the dorms, thankful at least that the two large housing buildings were close in proximity. He headed for the smaller cafeteria located in the lobby of the first building. The kitchen was closed but there were still students taking advantage of the open seating. Okay. Here it goes. 

The first few groups that Minseok asked had never heard of you. He was starting to berate himself on what a stupid idea this was. He should have called you back and asked you to call him when you were ready because it most certainly would have gone to voicemail. But his luck soon turned around. He approached a group of three girls sitting in a corner. One of them had a camera. 

“Excuse me?” They looked up. Minseok cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, but I’m trying to find (y/n) (l/n)’s room. Do you happen to know her?”

One girl narrowed her eyes. “Why do you want to know?”

Minseok swallowed. “I… I have her notebook. She’d left it behind earlier at study group. She really needs it for class on Monday but I can’t get a hold of her.” Please believe his stupid lie. 

The girl who’d spoken made eye contact with her two friends. “She’s in room twenty-three-nineteen. If she doesn’t answer, just slide the notebook under the door.”

He could almost jump from elated joy. “Thank you!” 

Taking off, he headed for the stairs. Your dorm room was only on the second floor so it didn’t take long to follow the signs until he was right outside your door. Only now did the possibility that your roommate would be the one to answer cross his mind. What lie would he have to come up with then? He had to take the chance. 

After knocking, he waited, shifting from foot to foot in an attempt to release the nervous energy surging through his body. The door swung open. 

It was you. Thank goodness. 

You were not the same level of relieved. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Crap. He probably should have thought of that. “You called me.”

You looked back over your shoulder before stepping out into the hallway, letting the door shut behind you. “So? That doesn’t mean you can just show up here!”

“I need to talk to you.” 

You licked your lips. No, please don’t do that. It’s too tempting already to grab your face and kiss you against the door. Without speaking, you went back into your room. Well, that was a bust. But before he could walk away with slumped shoulders, you came back, this time with shoes on and your bag. “Let’s go.”

He gave no protest as you led him out of the dorm and into the dark. He had no idea where the two of you were headed, but he planned on embracing whatever came his way. The two of you were going to talk. His heart was thumping hard against his sternum. He was getting more alone time with you. Who knew what would end up flying out of his mouth in these next few hours. Would this be the night of truths and revelations?