#i don't blame the people who didn't ~allow me in their spaces~ because it's a *symptom* of the world which i grew up in. it's not the cause

[uncanny-tranny]

The weirdest dichotomy I've felt as a trans man is that, when I was a kid, I knew I was never allowed into a "sisterhood." I always felt like an interloper around girls, and, because girls can be observant and intelligent (despite popular belief), I was treated as an interloper.

Now, as an adult, I'm treated like I was always part of "A Sisterhood" that I shunned, that I refused to join, so I ought to be punished for that horrific transgression.

I absolutely know other trans men* who did feel part of girlhood/womanhood, and there is literally nothing wrong with that. However, I just find it frustrating to be... denied my own experiences, my own story by (mostly cis) people who are uncomfortable with the idea that some people never felt part of "their circle." It's a weird arm of transphobia that simultaneously expells you from conformity but also blames you for not conforming (because you were never even given the opportunity to conform because, again, you were forced out of any space to conform to). Do you see what I mean?

[lanadelnegan]

Hi there! This is my first time doing an ask so I hope I'm doing it correctly! If you want to, can you do dead city Negan x female reader who is traveling with Maggie and she and Maggie had been friends even before Glenn and she used to be in Rick's group and Negan really liked her in the later seasons but never did anything about it until he was traveling with her and Maggie and then they end up talking and having sex? If you don't want to do this, just ignore!

are you kidding me? YES. I've been wanting to do dead city negan so I am so excited for this one. Hope you love it. xx

Knock Knock

DeadCity!Negan x Reader

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, dead city season 1 spoilers, vaginal sex (riding), hot hot hot smut.

"Knock knock.... I said.. knock knock." I glance around the corner to see Negan bashing a man's head through the glass windows.

"Butter." He answers himself. ".... Butter who? Well you butter get out your umbrellas cause it is about to goddamn rain." I watch from a distance as he slices the man's throat and blood sprays down from the second floor down.

He throws the man over the railing before turning back towards Maggie and me. I lock eyes with him and I... think I finally get him.

"Move! Go!" He quickly leads the three of us away from the chaos. Although my brain switches to survival mode, I'm still somehow hyper aware of the fact that Negan's hand doesn't leave my lower back the entire time we're running.

I've always been physically attracted to Negan, although I'd never admit that to anyone, especially Maggie. I've known Maggie longer than anyone from our group and I love her like a sister... And I loved Glenn like a brother.

The day we met Negan, our lives changed forever. I told myself I'd never fall for anyone, because I couldn't allow myself to ever go through the pain I had to watch Maggie go through... That we all had to go through. I try not to get attached to many people because my biggest fear is losing the people I love.

I don't forgive Negan, but watching what he did earlier.. I think I understand who he is now. His charisma is his weapon. And it works.

"....... y/n ...... "Y/n?!" I snap my head towards Maggie's voice. "Why are you staring at him like that?!" She whispers angrily at me.

I look back at Negan sleeping on the mattress on the floor next to us. We managed to escape and found a small abandoned space to allow us to rest for a bit. We - well, I.. offered to let Negan sleep first since he's refused to shut his eyes once since we got here two days ago.

And as I sit here staring at him, I can't help but think.. he trusts us to look after things while he sleeps. We could slit his throat right now, but he.. trusts us. And we're seriously turning him in to the Croat? I'd do anything to get Hershel back and I don't blame Maggie for what she's doing. But.. tricking him seems.. wrong. He agreed to help because he wanted to.. because he cares.. and we're using him. My stomach aches at the thought.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Maggie snaps again.

I glance at her before staring at the floor in front of me. There's no point in explaining my thoughts to her. Nothing is going to stop her plan, and I don't even know if I want her to stop the plan. I want Hershel back too. I just wish there was another way that didn't involve.. hurting him.

"I don't know what your problem is, y/n. But you've barely said a word since yesterday. Get it together. Remember the plan... I'm going to search the building to see our exit options. Stay here and keep your eyes on him.. since you don't seem to have a problem doing that."

I ignore her attitude and continue staring at the floor as she walks past me, leaving me in the quiet room with Negan.

When the door click shuts, Negan lets out a loud sigh and my eyes widen at him. His eyes are still shut but he finally speaks. "She's right, ya know?"

I stare at him, waiting for him to explain what he means. "You have been weird since yesterday. What's on your mind, girl?"

"Why would I tell you?"

He turns his eyes towards me, still laying on his back with his hand resting behind his head.

"When are you gonna drop the act, y/n?"

"What act?"

"The one where you pretend you don't want my dick."

I scoff and lean forward. "You can't be serious. The only one here who knows how to put on a show.. is you."

"And how is that exactly?"

I think about his little performance earlier. ".... You pretend you're some scary badass so that people will be scared of you. You put on these little shows so people think you're crazy and end up giving in to you."

He just laughs. "I don't have to pretend to be a badass, darlin'."

I roll my eyes, annoyed that he missed the point.

He eyes me curiously. "And so what if I put on a show? It works, don't it?" His grin stretches wider.

"Yeah, you did a great job traumatizing our entire community. Congrats, Negan."

His smirk slowly fades and he sits up on the mattress, his back leaning against the wall behind him.

"Y/n, how many times do I have say I'm sorry? I live with the guilt every goddamn day. Isn't that punishment enough?"

I scoff. "You could get down on your knees and beg and it still wouldn't be enough."

His eyebrows raise playfully at my suggestion but I ignore him.

"Look, Negan. I'm probably the only one in our group that has any empathy towards you. And I'm not proud to admit that. But the times we live in.. I know that people have to do things in order to survive. Not that what you did was okay, but.. I.. I get it now."

He just nods acceptingly, so I get up, my ass numb from sitting on the hard floor. I grab a granola bar out of my backpack and go sit next to him on the mattress.

"I'm sitting here because my ass hurts, not because I want to be next to you." I explain before taking a bite out of my granola bar. I offer him the rest and he accepts it. We sit in silence for a moment before we look at each other.

I can't help but study his face, noticing the gray hairs spread throughout his beard. He has more wrinkles around his eyes than the "old Negan" and it gives him a softer look than before. For a moment I let myself imagine what it would be like to be with him and forget all the bad he's done.

"What are you thinking about right now?" He deep voice is barely above a whisper and I don't miss the way his eyes quickly dart to my mouth.

Before I give myself time come to my senses, I lean forward and press my lips to his. I can tell he's caught off guard but he eventually kisses me back, allowing my tongue to slide past his lips. I moan softly into his mouth before pulling back just enough to look at him and observe his reaction. His hazel brown eyes are blown with lust as he waits for my next move.

I know this is wrong but that somehow makes me want him more. I crash my lips against his again, kissing him harder this time. He turns his body more towards mine and brings his hand to the back of my neck to deepen our kiss.

Before I get too carried away, I stand up, walking to the door and shoving a couch in front of it just in case Maggie comes back soon.

Fuck... Maggie. Guilt washes over me and I stand still, contemplating what the fuck I'm doing with my life.

This is the apocalypse. People do bad things.. unforgiveable things. That's just the world we live in. I give myself a mental pep talk and take my shirt off before I can change my mind. I slide my pants down and kick them to the side before walking back over to Negan.

I stand over him as he sits with his back against the wall and his legs stretched out in front of him.

He pats his lap and smirks up at me. "Have a seat, darlin'."

I sit down, straddling his lap with my knees on either side of him on the mattress. His large, rough hands grip my hips and he looks up at me. My lips find their way back to his again and I bring my hands up, cupping his face as I allow myself to get lost in the taste of his mouth.

He groans softly and I feel him grow underneath me. I break the kiss to look down between us and notice the large bulge in his pants.

"Your dick better be as big as you act like it is." I warn him while unbuttoning his pants. His hands remain glued to my hips and he smirks up at me, like he wants to see my face when I see his dick for the first time.

I unzip his pants and pull out his fully erect cock. He's long, heavy and thick in my hand and my mouth slightly drops open at the sight of it.

"See, darlin'? It wasn't an act." I can't tear my eyes away from it long enough to see his proud grin stretched across his handsome face.

I'm pretty sure my cheeks are just as red as the tip right now. While I'm admiring him, I feel his hand reach for my ass and squeeze before he slowly slips his fingers underneath my panties from behind. The tip of his middle finger finds my already soaked opening and he pushes his finger in me, causing me to moan while he chuckles darkly.

His finger slides out of me before he brings it up to his mouth, sucking my juices off. "God, baby." He moans at the taste, rolling his eyes back in his head dramatically. "You taste fucking amazing."

I blush at the sight of him tasting me and lift myself up over him until he's at my entrance. His hands are back on my hips as he guides me, looking down between us. He watches himself disappear inside of me and groans with satisfaction.

"Fuuuuck, baby. Look. At. That."

I slowly slide down on him before stopping half way.

"Come on doll, you can take more than that." He encourages me.

I try to sit all the way down on him but it hurts too bad. I've never had something in me so deep and there's still a good three more inches to go. I shake my head, "Negan.. I can't. It's too big."

He laughs and bends his knees, his feet resting on the mattress now, before thrusting up into me without warning. I gasp at the sudden pain.

"Just had to break the barrier, baby." He smiles up at me and I almost slap him before I realize I'm now able to slide down on his length all the way to his balls. I feel every inch of him pressed tightly against my inner walls. My arms wrap around his shoulders as I rock myself back and forth, trying my best to make room for him, but he fills the space inside of me completely.

He groans from the sensation and bites down on the skin between my neck and shoulder. I'm too caught up in how good this feels to worry about him leaving a mark on me.

My pussy pulses at how good he feels in me and he must feel it because he lets out another satisfied groan.

"Fuck darlin', if you squeeze me any tighter I'm not gonna be able to control myself."

I lean back a little, my arms still holding onto him and look into his eyes. I adjust, allowing myself to easily bounce up and down on his cock now. He slams my hips down on him roughly with each bounce and the feeling of his tip pushing against my cervix over and over causes my face to flush red and the butterflies in my stomach to travel south. My mouth is dropped open slightly as I stare at him, unable to even form a sound. I'm not a virgin by any means, but this feels like nothing I've ever experienced in my life.

He stares back at me grinning like he can hear my thoughts. "Let me hear you, baby. How good does daddy make you feel?"

"So. Fucking. Good. Oh my goddd." I bounce on him faster and moan loudly.

"That's it, baby." He grunts out. "Such a good fucking girl."

"Negan.. I'm-" I can't even finish my sentence before my orgasm catapults me into another dimension. He watches my face closely as I come apart around him.

The sound of walkers suddenly appear behind the door and I hear Maggie coming down the hall, stabbing them one by one.

"Oh fuck." My eyes widen as I look at him. I try to jump off him but he slams me back down on him.

"No way baby, you're finishing what you started."

I panic when I hear her get closer. "Negan!" I whisper yell at him. "Fuck.. just.. cum in me!"

This time his eyes widen at me.

"We don't have time to clean up!" I explain. "Cum in me. Now."

He thrusts up into a couple more times before his hips halt and I feel his dick pulsing inside me over and over. His head is dropped back against the wall as he cums and I watch him bite his bottom lip to suppress his moans.

I quickly jump off him and set a world record with how fast I throw my clothes on. Negan shoves himself back in his pants and zips them up. I move the couch from the doorway and fling the door open, helping Maggie finish off the rest of the walkers.

She looks at me annoyed while she shoves past me. "What the hell took you so long to come help?!"

I follow Maggie back into the room. She finds Negan laying on his back again with his eyes shut, like he never moved an inch before eyeing me suspiciously. Warm liquid suddenly pools uncomfortably in my underwear and I shrug at her, biting back a grin at the sight of Negan "sleeping."

He really is a good actor.

This was so fun to write. Thank you for the request!!!

[justtryingtobecreative]

Neteyam x human reader

Chapter 1

(Tw: A fuckload of smut + size kink)

Summary: Neteyam and Y/n have been best friends since childhood, but lately your big blue guy has been acting strange. It all comes to a head when the both of you have a bit too much to drink... and have to deal with the repercusions in the morning.

The reader is referred to as 'she' or 'you'. Neteyam and reader are aged up to twenty-one.

Disclaimer: Neteyam wil never ever ever die on my page, because fuck that.

It had been a couple years since the small group of human's were allowed to join the clan. Although they were considered outsiders even after al they went through together. It was still hard being part of "The sky people", but you were glad to live here anyway.

You had been a friend of the sully kids for years. But if you were honest Neteyam and you had always been the closest, over the years you and Neteyam became thick as thieves, not one day spend apart.

That is how you became close with the other Na'vi of your age, your smaller form constantly seen with Neteyams friends. They ofcourse did things without you, but all the things you could do with them they gladly took you with.

Neytiri, Neteyams mom still thought of you as a 'sky demon' but honestly considering the circumstances you didn't blame her.

Problems began to arrise as you entered adulthood, people around Neteyam were expecting him to take a mate soon. Your blue guy remained cool on the outside, but in private he told you his reasons for not taking a mate yet.

He told you one quiet evening by the fire, just a few days before a big celebration in the clan honoring Eywa. You two tired and burned out after helping prepare the decorations.

"I guess i am just waiting for something." Your big blue guy had muttered when you asked, before grasping your hand.

His eyes were closed and he looked lost in thought, the spots on his nose lighting up in the darkness. He was beautifull. You weren't stupid enough to deny that, you knew he had many unmated female suitors.

That totally did not at all bother you.

You give his leg a pat, "I guess i understand that.. I have a feeling your dad and Norm are trying to get me and spider together.." you let out a loud scoff before giving your friend a nudge "They will surely relent soon"

They had indeed tried to get you alone with Spider all week. Creating strange scenarios like a fusebox broken in the basement that you and spider had to fix, But 'accidentally' losing the key locking you in for about two hours. There had been multiple other 'broken' things that had never broken before and them being locked in small spaces.

Neteyam's face turned toward yours in a flash startling you a bit, he seemed to gather himself before sighing "Just what are these people up to.." he muttered with a strange expression on his face. He just pulled you under his arm, his bare skin brushing across your neck.

You shivered at the touch, a warm sensation settling into your chest. "Don't worry you big blue alien, your still my number one guy" you joked trying to cheer him up. It didn't really work and the small smile on your lips fell quickly.

After a while of loud silence he spoke up again, "Do you like him?" He asked in a wary tone, reseating himself. He seemed slightly insecure, which wasn't something you saw often.

"Who?" You asked bluntly.

"Spider"

You remained silent for a second, really thinking about the question. You didn't really feel a lot for spider except friendship, but you did admit that the efforts of Jake and Norm had changed something there.

You knew Spider thought the same, you two would just be friends for now but after everyone else around you get mated you both will get together as well.

"It's just friendship for now" You muttered softly looking him in the eye, his pupils dilating. You looked at your grasped hands, you were so different but also strangely the same. Those realisations of the fast differences between you and your best friend came often, these days it made you a bit sad though.

"Its friendship.... for now" He muttered seemingly more to himself before sitting up straight and removing his arm from your shoulders. The skin there now feeling strangely bare. You stared at him with wide eyes.

You didn't like this behavior, at all.

Neteyam stood up a bit too fast for it to be normal, him starting to walk away instantly.

"Teyam?" You yelled as you basically had to jog to keep up with his fast pace. "Are you allright? Is something the matter?"

Neteyam threw his hands in the air in exasperation letting out a frustrated groan, his arm almost hitting you in the face.

He sighed, his eyes turning distant "Just.... just.. I'll see you in two days at the party, im going ...away for a few days." He muttered with an unsetling sigh. He strolled away fast, and you knew you would be too slow to follow him.

This wasn't like the normally calm and gentle Neteyam at all, and a sinking feeling dropped in your stomach as you remembered the tortured look on his face as he left.

~~~

It was the next morning that kiri told you her brother had indeed left, he had bargained with his father for permission. After a while even Neytiri had caved, understanding that their eldest son was responsible enough to go into the wildernis alone.

The days leading up to the party were long and incredibly boring without Neteyam there. And for the first time ever you found yourself missing his touch. You wondered why you hadn't noticed the strain between the two of you before. It now seemed so stupid.

~~~

It was finally the day of the party, and with a bit of bargaining from their side you, Kiri and Tuk had all made a full day out of it. The celebration would start in the evening, and everyone needed to look the part too. So you were all picking out options together.

The Na'vi brought out their best jewelry, tops and loincloth's. You had completely refused to wear anything Kiri had recommended at first, most of the clothes showing wayy more skin than you were comfortable with.

In the end you had settled for a short twirly dress, you Kiri and Tuk had filled it with gorgeous beading and shiny gems. The colour of the beading reflected in colourfull lines around your eyes, your arms covered with painted blue lines. All in all you looked gorgeous, not in the Na'vi way, but in your own.

You could honestly say that even with the dress showing your legs, arms and a bit of upper boob, it was still better than wearing a literal bikini. You were NOT the same as Spider in that regard, who was covered in painted stripes and only in his underwear most of the time.

Kiri and tuk, who were wearing absolutely gorgeous jewelry and beaded loincloths walked next to you as you crossed camp to get to the top of the tempe. All around you the Na'vi were painted and done up just as the Sully family would be.

A heavy feeling settled in your stomach,

Kiri put a soft hand on your arm in support "It will turn out allright, im sure you'll have fun." She whispered as you walked onward together.

The temple had been decorated beautifully with colourfull cloth hung on walls and glowing plants decorating the branches above you casting the crowd in a blue light.

The place looked absolutely aetherial. You had to take a shaky breath to settle your nerves.

Located on the other side of the crowd on a higher platform than the others sat the current Olo'eyktan and Tsahìk, also known as Jake and Neytiri. Their clothes were decorated even more intricately than the people in the crowd, with big feathers and glowing facepaint showing of their catlike features.

Jake stood up starting his speech, but right at that exact moment your gaze fell upon a stern looking Neteyam standing a bit behind his father. He was wearing one of his intricate loincloth's, his face painted with orange stripes that complimented his yellow eyes perfectly. In the soft light you noticed the toned muscles and broad shoulders Neteyam now posessed. Not to mention the beautifull braids that framed his face.

He looked, handsome...attractive,

You saw him search te crowd with his eyes, but as his intense stare met your own you quickly looked away. He had totally caught you staring, you thought as a blush spread on your cheeks.

You patted your warm cheeks as you gathered yourself, "Oh noo, this isn't good" you murmured a bit too loud. Kiri giving you a strange look.

Jake was apparently finished with his speech as the tribal music of the Na'vi began playing. It seemed tonight was a sort of dancing/socialising occasion as people either went to talk to people they knew or to dance.

Tuk pulled you with her taking your arms and wiggling them about basically making you dance with her. You laughed as she spoke,  "let's dance y/n!" Tuk yelled loudly as she twirled you around.

Kiri grasped on of both of your hands, joining your little circle with a soft smile. Dancing here together like this felt so special, so magnificent that for a moment you forgot the war and the confusing feelings you had for Neteyam.

After what felt like hours and after Spider and Lo'ak had joined your little group a little while back, you finally excused yourself to get something to eat. Only you weren't really hungry at all.

You strolled to a quiet corner your eyes scrolling past the crowd in search of one particulair Na'vi. And finally you found him,

On the other side of the crowd, just visible through all the wiggling bodies. Was Neteyam, he stood against the far wall of the room. His face blank of emotion, his eyes intently fixed on.. you?

It was like you were magnetic, both drawn to eachother as you started through the crowd toward him. You noticed Jake Sully demanding attention from the Na'vi at the front, allready starting a speech. A small glance showed that he had skiretshe a sort of Na'vi drink held in the air, you didn't stop your pace toward Neteyam but the crowd was too dense to get through because of Jake's sudden speech.

The people around you started passing on goblets of the Na'vi alcohol, and it was for sure about to be some kind of ritual thing. As a Na'vi you recognised as one of Neteyam's friends handed you a small cup, only the bottom filled with the drink. He gave you a teasing smile at your questioning look before making his way through the crowd again.

Norm had told you to stay away from the drink, he had said one sip of the stuff was equal to two shots of vodka. You didn't know what vodka was, but you doubted it was really that bad. And who would you be to refuse a gift?

You glanced at the greenish liquid that sloshed about in the cup, you counted about five sips maybe more. What was honestly the worst that could happen?

A loud cheer ran through the temple as Jake finished his speech, you bringing the drink to your mouth in one fluid motion just as the people around you had done, you chugging the bitter liquid down.

You almost hurled it back out, but thankfully stopped yourself.

Your eyes ran to the other side of the room again, Neteyam placing down his much larger cup no doubt formerly filled with skiretshe on a nearby table.

The travel toward your friend felt way farther than before as the blue light of the plants started to look even more magical than before, thereby distracting you.

Finally you broke free of the crowd, being elbowed a bit too many times in your rush. You suddenly found yourself stood in front of Neteyam, and a weight that had never been there before now rested in your stomach.

"Teyam?" You asked softly placing a tentative hand on his arm. He seemed transfixed on your features, him placing his hand on the side of your neck just below the oxygen mask. It was like he was checking your pulse,

He had his eyes closed for a second before he sighed. "Y/n I don't really have anything to say to you. I can't... be friends with you anymore... I just can't" his voice was like a knife to the heart.

"You can't decide to suddenly leave. I love.. i mean you are my best friend" You choked out stuttering over the words.

"You don't understand, i can't" he gritted his teeth. You went to place your hand on his arm but he pulled away harshly. He gave you a wide eyed stare Him rushing into a small alcove between two houses, no doubt trying to run once again.

You followed him into the shadowed alley, anger and confusion swirling in your stomach.

"Neteyam! You stop. Right. This. Second!" Your yell echoed through the alley,

He stopped with his back turned to you, you saw his jaw clench, his body shaking. The dark hid a lot of his other features, the spots on his back glowing.

You walked toward him, about to tap his back to get him to turn around. Before you could even graze him he turned his musculair body around. His tall form looming over you, you both standing a bit to close to one another.

He let out a breath, it fogging up the top of your oxygen mask. You could see his eyes glow in the dark, the edges of his face blurring.

He leaned into you and slowly cornered you between the wall and him. "I need you to push me away" He muttered inhaling into your hair, letting out a shaky breath.

The drink from before might have kicked in more than you thought as you spoke without any shame "Teyam, you could do anything to me. And i'd let you." Your hand touched muscle, your hand placed upon the underside of his stomach.

Neteyam let out a shaky breath, his cheeks turning a shade of purple. "I will then... i will do what i want to you" he slid his hands under your thighs lifting you up against the wall, basically stradling him. You let out a startled squeek.

You squirmed around a bit at the new position, you weren't nervous anymore probably due to the alcohol. But you were stradling him just over his loincloth, it felt a bit to good to rub against him.

He groaned "Please stop" his deep voice whispered in your ear "You should only do that if you are ready for everything".

You stopped for a second just looking at the man holding you, he looked beautifull like this, flushed, glowing and focussed on you. The warm undeniable yearning came back full force, your hips buckling toward him automatically.

You let out a moan, your cheeks warming up at the unfamiliar feeling between your legs. Neteyam groaned as well, slightly pressing himself against you. He attempted to place his forehead on yours, he let out a unsatisfied groan as his skin hit the glass.

You placed your arms around him in response your hands resting on his toned back, "Please.. i need to touch you" you gasped.

Neteyam seemed to think for a second before letting out a loud whistle, his Ikran appearing within minutes. He carried you on the back of the huge beast placing you down in front of him, making sure your body was still straddling his. He had a serious expression on his face, and bathed in the soft moonlight it was almost like he was years older.

He seemed selfassured, like he knew exactly what he was doing and what it would entail. A thought swirled around the back of your mind wondering if your family would notice you were both gone. You shook it off.

They took off right away, Neteyam holding onto you with one arm, pressing you against his body tightly. Once in a while he would give you a glance, you weren't sure what kind it was but you saw the hunger in his gaze.

While in the air it was largely quiet, and somewhere inside you sat the worry that he would be sober enough to refrain from touching you when you'd arrive. Your own hazy mind didn't even consider stopping, the entire thing had allready dampened your underwear anyway.

He guides the large winged beast downward making sure he decended right before the human lab. He grasped onto the small of your waist tightly and with a jump of the Ikran, you accidentally rub against him with the movement.

He gritted his teeth, "I need you...right. now." he breathed not waiting on a reply. He threw open the door closing it behind him in one fluid motion. Strolling toward your quarters without issue, having seen the inside of the lab countless of times.

His big Na'vi body made the trip in minutes whereas a human would have taken twice as long, you where reminded once again just how different you two were.

"Teyam?" You asked whilst trying to catch his gaze, he turned to you in question. "You really need to get an oxygen tank" you finished seeing the realisation in his eyes. He softly put you down on the ground.

"Im going to get it" Neteyam quickly left the room, giving you a few seconds to gather yourself and to take of your own mask. You took a deep breath in and out, fidling with a loose bead on your dress.

Your mind was growing hazier by the second, the alcohol hitting full force.You startled as Neteyam returned too soon, now standing before you with a gaze fixed intently on your form.

The ache inside your stomach became almost unbearable. Only one word slipping of your tongue "Please..." You breathed out.

The words brought new life to your best friend stood before you, his dark eyes fixed onto your dress. He stalked forward, his hands finding the dress instantly. When he couldn't find the clasp you felt his strong arms pull you fowards.

His hands felt the edges of the dress "I need this off right now" he muttered. "There is a zipper down the back.." Your voice felt stange coming out of your mouth, you turned your back toward him.

His fingers struggled with the small zipper for a second. "No, this is a waste of time" he muttered in your ear before pushing you forward a bit too harshly you grasping one of the metal edges of the bed in suprise.

"I am sorry, i will accept your anger later" he murmured before you heard a hash ripping sound, a chill running down your back.

"Oh. my. god." you let out, your mind running eight miles an hour your ruined dress barely clinging to your form. This until you felt a soft touch on your neck, this continueing downward as Neteyam placed soft kisses down your back.

"You wear too many clothes.." he groaned, his breath fanning your lower back. His hands grabbed your bra, simply tearing the clasp apart.

He helped you stand and turn toward him, pulling your dress and underwear of your body throwing the clothes behind him.

You shivered a bit, the cool air perking up your nipples. You automatically placed your hands around your body hiding the most 'indecent' places.

Neteyam stood stock still in front of you, his eyes dark and filled with unbridled lust. "You should remove those arms right now." there was a warning in his words. You hesitated for too long, your best friend walking closer to you.

His hands wrapped around your arms moving them to the side as he pushed you down on the bed, the metal groaning at the movement. You letting out a loud whine at the sudden move.

Neteyam hovered above you effectively pinning you down, placing his legs over yours to hold you still. He nuzzled his head into your neck, releasing a shaky breath.

His head moved upwards to stare into your eyes, not removing his hands of your wrists at all. Your face felt hot and your arms slightly ached from his strong grip, you were lost to the world.

He glanced down at your body, "You are soft" he leant his head down, nuzzling your left breast, his nose tickling the soft skin "Soft, and mine" he murmured. You let out a wanting moan at his words, Neteyam's eyes widening at the sound.

You glanced down at his body, "I want to see you," you whispered looking into his eyes, he normally would have hesitated, but at your own bare body laid out beneath him he only cared of touching your skin with his own.

He leant down expertly releasing the straps of his loincloth revealing the massive erection underneath. You gasped, your mouth filling with saliva at the sight.

Your hazy mind did not even consider it not fitting, more in awe at the lewd sight. Neteyam pulled you upward with one fluid motion placing you in the middle of the bed.

Neteyam grasped your chin softly turning your head toward him, "This is the last time i will ask you if you are sure," his eyes were half lidded, "If you let me kiss you, i won't be able to stop" he slightly pushed himself against you.

"I want you, all of you" you didn't hestitate softly placing your hands on his cheeks, looking him back in the eyes.

"I need you, to make love to me" You whispered softly giving him a small smile, his eyes darkening at the words.

Neteyam leant down covering your body with his, placing his weight on his arms and legs but making sure his torso covered most of yours. All you saw, thought and felt was Neteyam.

His lips hit yours in a kiss, your wet mouth finally covered by his as he deepened the kiss. You sucked on eachothers tongues, kissed his lips and shared saliva. The lewd sounds and little moans echoed through the room, the sounds hollow because of the metal.

His hand slid between your legs without warning making you let out a squeel, he felt around your folds, one of his fingers brushing over your clit, his rough hand hitting the spot harshly.

You let out a choked moan into his mouth, he removed his mouth from yours pausing to stare in your eyes. He experimentally went over te spot again, you letting out another moan beginning to pant slightly.

Neteyam smirked at you, a knowing look on his face as he moved his hand lower. You felt one of his four fingers circle around your entrance slowly covering his finger in your essence before reaching up and sucking his finger clean.

You let out a moan as his hand traveled downward again, him placing his palm on your clit and slowly dipping one of his fingers in your cunt.

His eyes ran over your face searching for any discomfort. When he didn't see any he slowly added another, you grinded into his hand a bit at the action. This was an unfamiliar feeling, you had experimented with your own fingers. But now you didn't have the control at all, completely at the mercy of him.

You felt his fingers far inside of you, the foreign feeling strange and exciting.

"So soft," he murmured as he started pumping his two fingers in and out of you at a steady pace. He kept a firm eye on your face, making sure to make you moan. You felt a sudden knot forming in your stomach, his long fingers almost hitting that spot that you wanted them to.

"Another, please" you murmured, his eyes widening at your words. He slipped another finger in without hesitation making you let out another moan.

You were now starting to feel the stretch of his fingers, Neteyam obviously realising the tight grip on his fingers as well. He set a lazy pace, rubbing a bit at your clit every thrust.

His breaths began to get uneven, you knew he had to get oxygen soon.

The knot in your stomach coiled tightly, slowly unraveling at the pleasure. Neteyam pulled out of you slowly, reaching over the side of the bed and breathing in oxygen from the oxygen tank.

"Are you allright?" You murmured softly sitting up slightly. The big alien didn't respond, just crawling back on the bed and pushing you back down. He parted your legs in a smooth motion, entering his fingers back into your body.

You let out a broken moan at the sudden feeling of fullness.

He just gave you a satisfied look rubbing over your clit purposefully as he thrust his fingers in and out of you, the wet sound echoeing through the room.

"You are almost prepared, im going to add one more" he whispered in your ear, sliding his fourth finger into you. The stretch was a bit painfull, your face pulling into a grimace.

Neteyam placed a soft hand on your cheek, "You are doing so well, you are squeezing my hand so tightly." He kept fucking you with his hand, cooing at you during.

You began to shake softly your body tilting toward him and pressing yourself closer to his hand. Neteyam observed you, running his eyes over every inch of you. "You like my fingers don't you? I can't wait to see you take me." He whispered as his breath fanned your cheek.

The knot in your stomach finally came loose at his words, releasing your juices on his hand and overwhelming you with pleasure. "Neteyam." You murmured, his eyes glinting dangerously at your words.

"Yes you are mine." He quickly reached his hand down feeling how far you had stretched, a satisfied expression on his face.

Now again if the two of you had been sober you might have let reason overcome you. But you weren't sober, and you both Really wanted it to fit. So you were going to make sure it did.

You shimmied upwards on the bed closing your legs momentarily, your hands grabbing ahold of the metal bed frame above you. "No, you don't hide from me. You are mine, mine alone." He growled as he grasped your legs and pulled them apart harshly.

He lined himself up right away, rubbing the large tip just between your folds. His eyes found yours again, "You still want this right?" He asked softly, still running the tip of his cock over your clit making you squirm and honestly kind of influencing your decision.

You eyed his member it almost as large as your underarm, the tip was a bit bigger than the rest of his lenght which was covered in dark blue veins. It looked daunting, but you really wanted him inside you.

You nodded your head without hesitation, your liquid courage dissepating your fear. "Yes, i want you so much" you finally murmured.

Neteyam simply nodded bracing himself on the metal of the bed. "I am going to start slow, he murmured" not wasting any time as you instantly felt the tip of his cock entering you.

The pain registered in your body and you squirmed a bit as it stretched you out. The pain was almost blinding, but you got to catch your breath as Neteyam held still inside you.

He let out a low groan, "You feel so warm" he murmured, "Are you allright?" The tip fully popped inside your body, your vision turning white because of the pain.

The haze in your mind lifted a bit, "Please just, just hold still for a second" you whispered, catching your breath and tightly clutching onto the headbord.

Neteyam took the time to reach over the side of the bed and take a puff of oxygen. The movement accidentally pushing him in a little more, you choking on a breath at the sudden pain and pleasure. He let out a harsh moan at the unfamiliar feeling letting out a small "sorry".

He rubbed your cheek with his large hand rubbing away your tears and whispering sweet nothings in your ear, you hadn't even realised you had began crying.

It took a while and you were near to giving up, when the big stretch finally started to feel less so. So when your big blue best friend reached over again to get some oxygen, you let out a startled moan at the sudden burst of pleasure as he moved inside of you.

Neteyam let out a tortured groan, before quickly scrolling you for any sign of pain. You breathed heavily your hips having a mind of their own as you fucked yourself into his lap. His gaze was heavy as he watched you move at just the tip of him.

"Please, give me all of it. I can take it." You mumble with half lidded eyes.

He let out a groan, not complying right away. "It is too big to go in all the way," he mumbled, it seemed his liquid courage wasn't as much in effect anymore.

No way were you going to back off now. You lifted yourself up startling him, placing your legs around his hips and harshly driving him right into you.

Neteyam let out a shaky moan, you feeling his entire cock sitting in your stomach stretching you out painfully. His hands holding onto you carefully like he was unsure if he would hurt you.

You squirmed, him letting out a harsh moan.

Neteyam sat up in a sudden motion, keeping himself sheated inside you as he moved you upwards on his lap, him now sitting on the bed and against the wall with you stradling him.

You whimpered a bit as this new position drove him even deeper. Your legs sat around him gravity pushing you down, there was no way to adjust yourself in your current state.

There was no way to lift yourself off even the tiniest bit of his cock, Neteyams arms folded around your shoulders keeping you firmly in place. He had his eyes closed for a second, his breath shallow. "You feel so good, so tight" he murmured in your ear before letting his eyes graze over you with a satisfied look.

The unfamiliar feeling of being filled to the brim felt lewd. The thought of someone seeing you seated on the large aliens large member strangely exiting you a bit. Not to mention the way he was wrapped around you... and you were wrapped around him.

He let out a groan as he scanned your body, his fingers softly dragging over the remaining blue lines on your shoulders

Neteyam's eyes grew wild, his pupils dilated. He hungrily observed the place you were joined together. Him letting out a low groan before he placed his face in your neck scenting you, his nose brushing your skin.

His hips began rutting into you a bit, the movement pushing you up and down on his member. You moaned at the sudden pumping, the coiling pleasure steadily building in your stomach.

His eyes widened at the feeling, the tight grip around his member setting his entire being aflame.

Neteyam let out a vibrating growl as he pushed you back down on your back, suddenly grinding into you harshly. Almost making you pass out from the sudden sensitivity.

He picked up his pace moving hard but at a slow pace, every thrust brushing his pubic bone against your clit.

You were being emptied and filled again at an impossible pace. Him pressing you down against the matress as he slammed into you.

His eyes were glassy and dialated, his features seeming more like those of an wild animal rather than the ones of the calm boy you knew. His tail wrapped around your leg and braids brushing your face as he ingulfed you completely.

He was truly lost to the world, his body seemingly moving in and out of you instictively. You kissed and sucked on his neck, a groan escaping him. His hand felt the bottom of your stomach, very pleased at the bulge in your stomach of his cock sheated deeply inside of you. He let out another groan.

You were incredibly overwhelmed at the full feeling circling your stomach, your mind beginning to grow hazy again as bolts of pleasure ran through your body.

He leant down to kiss you, placing his tongue in your mouth without warning. The warm and moist feeling of his mouth on yours distracting you as whimpers and wet sounds echoed in the room.

The sounds, the act, the creaking of the bed it was the most sinfull thing the both of you had ever done, and it was also one of the most risky.

They both knew that if one of their parents or mentors came to the lab, they would instantly get caught.

You both couldn't find it in you to care.

He was like a wild animal as he growled in your ear, "I'm going to fill you with my seed, you are mine." He was hitting you in the most sensitive spot, his harsh pace not letting you breath for one second as the tip of his cock consistently stretched you out. You felt him swell inside of you,

Your vision started to get blurry as your orgasm approached. Neteyam's hard thrusts hitting you so deep in your stomach you could see stars. He faltered above you, his movements growing erratic as he grasped onto you with his whole being.

"You feel so good, im never going to let you go again" he rambled as his strong hands held onto your soft flesh and his strong body covered yours from the world.

"You are all mine" he said with a harsh moan as you felt his seed spill deep into you, the warm liquid seeping into your womb. His cock still pumping it further into you.

You moaned at the strange feeling, your vision turning white as your own pleasure came to it's breaking point sending you right over the edge, letting out a loud whimper as you felt yourself clench and unclench on his cock.

"You are squeezing my cock so well, you were made just for me." he groaned not stopping his rutting into you. He placed a hand on the bottom of your stomach again just over the spot his member and seed were pressed inside of you.

"Iet me stay inside you a little longer" he mumbled as he sluggily lifted you with him while he took a puff of oxygen, now attaching the small tubes to his nose and laying down on the bed.

"Im so tired," your voice was weak and your body was spend. He placed a few kisses on your face and neck, a smile circling his lips as he gazed at you.

"You can go to sleep now, you are safe with me"

Neteyam gave you a satisfied look, before tucking you in his arms and pulling you under the covers. Neither having the energy to clean up.

You both fell asleep quickly, responsibilities forgotten.

~~~

A harsh knock echoed on the door, a male voice echoeing through the room. "What?" You asked loudly, your mind not working yet. A sigh from the other side of your door before the voice repeated itself.

"I said! Is Neteyam there with you? Neytiri and Jake are combing out the whole camp searching for him." Norm's voice echoed through the room a panicked undertone very present.

Your eyes shot open, the sun peeking through the blinds instantly blinding you. "Just a second Norm! Jeez!" You screamed.

For the first time since waking up you look around the room and feel the warm chest you are laying on, something still connecting the two of you. Your gaze locks with Neteyam's yellowish ones, your eyes widening.

"Jesus christ Y/n, just answer me." Norm said releasing a loud sigh as he knocked on the door again.

"No,oo he's uhh not here" You speak up as Neteyam's hand ran over your shoulder, your voice breaking slightly and tumbling over your words. A bit too pre ocupied with assessing the damage done to your poor now lopsided bed and yourself.

"Uhhm okay wel uhh if you find him send him to us" Norm said, obviously unsure of your answer.

"Will do!" You yell The pitch in your voice a bit too high to be natural. Norm either didn't notice or he just didn't want to deal with it, but you finally heard his footsteps walking away.

"Oh my god," you murmured putting your hands over your face. He nodded aswell. "Oh my god indeed" he murmured, having the gal to look more pleased than he did in weeks.

He was covered in orange and blue spots from both of your body paints, dark fingerprints set into his forearms from where you had held onto him... as he.... "Oh. my. God!" You murmured again.

He was examining you as his eyes slid over your figure without any shame, seeming bothered by the dark fingerprints covering your own softer body. "I hurt you" he muttered with a conflicted look on his face, carefully grasping your arm in his hands to observe the soft skin

Your skin almost burned at his touch, you softly pulling your arm from his grip. "It isn't your fault, you murmured softly. "Besides it seems i did a number on you as well" you gestured to his underarms.

Neteyam observed the bruises with facination, "You really held onto me tight." He murmured obviously reminicing, a distant look gleaming in his eyes.

You both heard distant chatter in the hall, being pulled out of your little bubble. You tried to sit up, failing immensely as your muscles ached and you came to a horrid realisation as he let out a groan.

"You are still..." you trailed off as you felt the weight of him sitting inside your stomach, every nerve on fire because of the beating from last night. His cock was still entirely burried into you.

"I'm sorry," Neteyam muttered as you felt his hips start to push up into you softly. He sat up slowly, seating himself against the wall again, you still stradling his hips. The movement send you up and down on his cock, sudden hot pleasure running through you.

His slow thrusting persisted, as your tired mind still tried to keep up with the situation. His eyes were searching your face for any discomfort, his own filled with lust. You placed your arms around his shoulders, your fingernails partly digging into his skin as you raked your hands across his shoulders.

He moaned loudly,

Rustling filled the hallway outside your room again, but Neteyam either didn't notice or didn't care. The voice of Norm echoeing through the room again, as you desperately hoped he didn't hear the squelching noises you were making.

"Y/n? They still haven't found Neteyam yet! Can you come to the avatar room in a second?" Norm yelled.

You took a second to gather yourself, Neteyam's intense gaze fixed on your face as you rode him. "Uhmm, yes Norm i'm just going to uhh take a s,shower and then i'll get over there" You finally responded.

"Uhhmm allright, i'll see you soon" he murmured before you heard his footsteps fade away again.

You and Neteyam rocked back and forth slowly, him going half out of you and then pushing back in. It was like a slow form of torture.

"Teyam? We need to figure out how we are going to hide this" you murmured. It was like he purposefully slammed himself back into you as you let out a broken moan.

He grasped onto your chin "First i will spill my seed into you one last time" he murmured with a teasing smirk. He didn't seem to be embarassed about their actions at all.

Rustling started up in the hall again, making Neteyam let out a sigh. "I'm taking you to the shower" he murmured as he took of his oxygen mask and lifted you up walking you over toward the small bathroom.

Neteyam barely fit through the door, but could thankfully stand up straight once inside. He didn't know how to work the buttons, so you reached out and set it to the right temperature.

He was still rutting into you softly whilst you waited for the water to warm, one of his fingers rubbing your clit gently. An orgasm beginning to build up steadily, you noticed him picking up the pace as well. Your back hitting the cold tile as his form pressed against you.

Your tired body cramped together one last time as you softly clenched and unclenched around his member. A shaky moan escaping your throat, legs shaking violently whilst his seed spilled into you again. Neteyam let out a deep groan at the sensation, burrying his face in your hair.

You both gathered yourself, Neteyam's wide eyed gaze looking toward the mirror. You turned your gaze toward it as well, gaping your mouth at the sight that awaited you.

You looked just as roughed up as him, paint everywhere and your makeup smeared across your face. But that wasn't why Neteyam looked so shook up. His huge form loomed over yours dauntingly, your body looking incredibly small next to his.

But mostly it was the sinfull sight of his arms around your waist, whilst you were stretched out to an extreme extend on his large member. It was a sight that shouldn't have been possible, but here you were anyway.

He turned back to you with an appraising look, "Look at you taking me." he mumbled before kissing your neck and pecking your mouth.

"You did so well." He cooed as he stepped into the shower, before finally sliding himself out of you. You let out a whine, at the feeling of both of your liquids pouring out of you. Neteyam seemed almost proud when he saw, placing you down on your feet with a look of discontentment of having to let you go.

Your knees buckled almost sending you to the ground. Your big blue guy luckily being able to steady you. "Are you allright?" he asked as he gave you a worried look. His arms instantly wrapped around you again, you noticing a little smile cricling his lips.

You nodded softly "I'm just really tired" allthough your body ached about everywhere. Not to mention the almost unbearable ache between your legs.

You finally sighed in contentment as you felt the warm water on your skin. Neteyam grabbed your bar of soap rubbing it between his hands before running them down your body without consulting.

You were too tired to even resist as he softly washed your skin. Running his fingers through your hair after, softly massaging your scalp. After he was finished he quickly lathered his own body with soap too.

"Wait shouldn't i help you too?" You asked confusedly.

He turned to you with a soft smile, "You have done more than enough for me" He softly brushed his palm over your cheek before leaning forward and giving you a gentle kiss.

After you both were finished in the shower you moved back to the bedroom, him dressing himself in his clothes from the night before and you quickly pulling on loose sweatpants and a long sleeved top.

You sat on the edge of the bed, him sitting next to you, "How in the hell are we going to hide this from your parents? Or, oh shit! What about Norm?" You groan loudly placing your head in your hands.

You felt Neteyam put his hand on your shoulder. "We'll think of something, for now I'm jumping out the window. And your going to the avatar room." He said sympathetically.

You let out a breath, "Yes.... yes good idea" you stood up carefully, the ache between your legs still very much present. You were about to head to the door when you felt yourself being pulled back and pressed into his stomach.

Neteyam's soft voice filled your ear "I see you" he said, his heavy gaze zet on your eyes. You took a second to process the words.

You blushed finally feeling the words tumble out your mouth "I see you." you finally whispered, a sense of love filling your stomach.

A huge smile spread on his face as he pulled you into one last kiss before placing his forehead on yours. "I shall see you tonight." he mumbled in your ear before he turned around for the window. You yourself leaving your room with shaky legs.

You caught your breath in the empty hallway, a boast of air leaving your lungs as you let out a loud sigh. "Well holy fuck,..." you muttered to yourself, before quickly stumbling toward the avatar room.

~~~

When you arrived in the large metal room, you were suprised to see Jake sitting together with Norm. Their eyes instantly turning to you as you came into view, "Y/n there you are!" Norm greeted as he gestured for you to sit next to him.

You awkwardly did, trying to hide the discomfort between your legs as you sat down. "Uhm Hello!" You said with a strained smile.

Jake and Norm were observing you silently and Jake in particulair was being incredibly intimidating whilst he stared you down.

Finally after a few agonising seconds Jake broke the silence, "So...this is the case," He said curtly "Neteyam didn't come home last night and the last person he was seen with was you."

They stared at you,

"So you want to know when i last saw him?" You murmered, hoping to give yourself a few more seconds of thinking time.

"Yes Y/n i want to know that."

"Well uhm... i saw him around the middle of the party?" You asked more than said, a sheepish expression on your face.

Jake sighed in annoyance, "And then?"

"Oh yes... okay... jep he left"?

"Y/n you better cut the crap"

You sighed "Okay well, we saw eachother around the middle of the party... and afterwards i haven't really seen him anymore... we took the skiretshe" You mumured softly, your mind finally giving you an excuse.

Jake let out a sigh, "And your one hundred percent sure you haven't seen him since?"

"Not in what i remember..." The implication obvious as you shrugged.

"We better find him soon." He gave you a warning look before he stalked off toward the door.

Norm gave you a dry look, "You are so weird today. We are going to talk about the drinking later." He murmured, before taking off as well, this a perfect time for you to rest your aching head on the cold metal table.

You would have to face the situation soon, you weren't ready at all.

(WELP that was VERY dirty, and i hope you enjoyed it! Please let me know if you want a part two, i usually only update fics that do well. (Maybe the next can be with some more sneaking around?) Hehe)

Part 2 made it through! Here's the link!:

[cosmal]

james or eddie x inexperienced!reader who bursts into tears the first time he slips his hand under her shirt to touch her stomach/hip/waist because no one’s ever touched her like that before!!! and he’s like what did I do 😟

startled

summary james touches you where no one else has before. it freaks you out for a moment.

content james potter x fem!afab!reader, hurt/comfort

James is really tall. He knows this, obviously. He's been the height he's at since he was fifteen years old. With years of using it to his advantage under his belt, he knows how to tease you with it.

All night at Sirius's shindig, he has you planted in his side. He leans against the wall outside in the backyard where everyone has congregated and you lean your entire weight into him.

To have you so close to him in such a setting is a treasure he really shouldn't take for granted. Though the face you make whenever he leans down to pretend to kiss you is one he wants permanently branded into the back of his eyelids.

You pout because you can't reach him to get what you really want and then flush with embarrassment for reacting that way in the first place. It's a cycle James thinks is adorable.

So as soon as the both of you get back to his flat that night, he knows you're just itching to kiss him. You hold his hand and let him guide you to the kitchen.

You're new to the whole relationship thing. You don't know when you should kiss him, or when you think you're allowed to. You pick at your nails when you really want to hold his hand and go quiet when you're around other people. James loves nothing but keeping you all to himself. Knowing he's the only one lucky enough to see you like this. But he wants you to know he'd let you eat his face off in the presence of the Prime Minister if you wanted.

Still, he feels like the luckiest guy on the planet right now. Leaning up against his kitchen counter with you between his legs. You reach up to kiss him gently on his cheek. He tucks his fingers under your jaw to encourage your lips back to his cheek like he wants another one. He catches your mouth with his quickly before you can land another.

You gasp and let him kiss you, a pleased, giddy sound that lights his chest on fire. He has to pull away before he loses his breath. He blames it on you.

He lets his hands find your hips and says, "Burt's Bees?"

"What?" you say breathlessly. You blink.

"Your chapstick."

You laugh, a startled, girlish thing that makes the ache in his chest even worse. "Yeah," you nod. "Yeah, the shortbread cookie flavour."

James chuckles. "Of course, it is."

He kisses you again and you seem more than happy about it. He lets his hands slip under your shirt and then you tense. You pull back and stare at his shoulder. The feeling in his chest plummets like concern into the pit of his stomach.

"You all right, lovely?" he asks, voice warped with confusion. He holds you back to catch your gaze. Your eyes look glassy so quickly and he gets whiplash. "Sweetheart?"

You blink back the mist. "Sorry," you choke, shaking your head. "Uh, sorry, you just-"

James stands up straight, ducking his head down, and lets his hands rub a soothing path up and down your arms. "What happened? Did I do something?"

You squeeze your eyes shut and focus on the feeling of his hands on your arms. "No, you didn't do anything." You lean into his hold. "No, it's just- no one's ever touched me there."

He softens, though his heart is thumping like a kick drum in his ribcage. "Shit, I'm sorry, honey," he curses himself, fixing where he's got his hands. He lets them fall to his side and thinks he might've made it worse. You fold in on yourself. "Sorry, I won't do it if you don't want me to."

You step forward, closing up the tiny gap of space you subconsciously created and look up at him with teary eyes. "No, no it felt good. You - shit - you didn't do anything bad it just startled me."

You're not sure if you're crying because it felt different or because you've embarrassed yourself. You're sure it's a bit of both.

He knows you want him to hold you. He pushes his second thoughts aside and wraps you in a tight hug. You deflate once he's got you against his chest like you were earlier, maybe more relieved than you were before.

You let yourself cry because it's easier than holding back the tears that burn in your throat. Especially when he kisses you firmly on the top of your head. Murmuring something that sounds like, "I'm really sorry, angel. I should've set a boundary or something."

You feel worse because you've worried your poor boyfriend to death. "It's okay. You're allowed to touch me, James."

"I shouldn't assume things," he says with a firmness you lack.

"You didn't assume anything," you tell him and try to ignore the fact you're dirtying his shirt with your sticky tears. "It's okay. I'm okay. It just felt different."

James squeezes your sides. "Did you like it?"

"I did," you tell him honestly. Because you did, it felt more than nice. "Yeah, it felt great.''

He pulls back looking softer than he did before he got you into his arms and you calm down a tad. He swipes the tears from your cheeks and wipes them on his shirt. You laugh wetly.

"Good," he smiles. "You wanna go to bed? I'll let you kiss me some more."

You can't help but smile back. He's adorable. "Let's shower first," you laugh. "You smell too much like Sirius's flat."

"Do not!" he gawps but lets you lead him in the direction of his ensuite. "Is that a bad thing?"

"If you think cigarettes and leather aren’t a bad thing, then you can skip the shower."

"I don't think so."

[alieinthemorning]

Sorry if this goes against the rules (dark nature but idk if this counts) but like, can u write about Leona feeling especially depressed and not being able to even get out of bed, then the reader-insert comes to wake him up (on behalf of Ruggie) and then realised and comforts him? Like angst to comfort! But no rush and no worries if this request is declined! I'll just ask something else then!

Lean on Me [Leona Kingscholar]

Content: Depressed Leona Kingscholar, Blood and Injury, Literal Sleeping Together, Bathing/Washing, Hurt/Comfort, Strong Language

Pronouns: None

Continuation of: For Thee, Not for Me [Leona Kingscholar || Malleus Draconia]

Reblogs: Let me know that you enjoy my work and want to see more, so don’t forget to like and reblog (and comment in the tags. I love seeing people’s rambles in the tags)!

This work’s concepts, plot and original characters are my own which means I do not allow any sort of creative theft nor do I allow my work to be entered into any sort of A.I. bots. Thank you for respecting my space and boundaries.

He knew he should have just stayed in bed. Shouldered this shit on Ruggie (he was competent enough), and just not have been fucking bothered.

But he did, and it came with consequences (other than him leaving his bed).

He wasn't paying attention, too stuck in his own head to realize that one of the mutts had fucked up, and the damn disc was headed straight for his noggin.

Shit was flying fast enough that it knocked him clear on his ass. It hurt like hell, the pain in the side of his head and his back, but shit—he'd rather be on the fucking ground than possibly bleeding to death than standing and acting like he wasn't on the fucking cliff's edge.

But then there you were (of course you were), kneeling beside him as you assessed the damages. You gently brushed the sticky brown locks away from the wound, wincing at what you saw. You caught your bottom lip between your teeth as you silent contemplated something.

He opened his mouth, ready to stop you from doing something stupid (that stupid thing being saving his life).

But it was too late.

“Worry not, there’s nothing for you to abide by. Leave all your worries to me. For Me, Not Thee.”

And then he was sitting up with just left with a dull headache,

and your unconscious body that fell into his lap.

You'd been asleep for a week now. Vita told him that it was a combination of a White Cold and Rapid Blot Accumulation. She told him that it wasn't his fault, that you were well aware of the consequences of overusing your Signature Spell.

Epel did bother hiding his glare. He was pissed, and rightfully so. He may have looked up to him, but he considered you as family. And here he was sitting at your bedside, as if he had the fucking right.

But regardless of Epel's silent furry, he remained there.

But he knew that wasn't it.

"You fucked up." Ruggie had told him one day as he had delivered his lunch. He didn't tell him to do, but his reasoning had to do with you.

"If you don't feed you, and I don't feed you, guess who's gonna be pissed."

When he asked Ruggie to watch you, he never expected for him to actually befriend you. He even stopped taking the money he had been paying him, calling it dirty money. He shrugged it off, less money out of his pocket.

"You better start learning how to grovel, Prince." Title, no name. "Or else someone else will force you on your knees.

If he had been paying attention to his surroundings, you wouldn't have been laying here. If he had been paying attention to you, he would have realized that you weren't fit to even be at practice that day (because he knows that you'd fight him tooth and nail to heal whoever was hurt).

Zigvolt had given him a good right hook when he appeared in the infirmary. Silver was there as well, he could have stopped him, but he didn't (and he didn't blame him).

"You'd best pray to any and all gods that will listen, Kingscholar." His eyes flashed with something dangerous—a promise. "May my lord forgive me for what I will do to you."

Hell, he should have just stayed in bed and wallowed like a fucking coward.

Draconia appeared late at night before Vita officially kicked him out. He simply looked over your sleeping form with a pitiful look on his face.

That didn't wash away when his eerie Fae gaze found his own muted chartreuse one.

But he didn't, and now you were the one paying the price.

"Oi, Vita." A chair scraping against tile.

Two muffled voices, a door softly shutting, and a sigh.

You give yourself a few more minutes to accumulate to your current setting before slowly opening your eyes.

"Was that Leona, Vita?"

The one frowned as she looked at you over her heart-shaped glasses. "That's really the first thing you ask me?"

You give a dismissive hum, "...I suppose so."

"You are such a—yes, that was him."

"Okay." And then you closed your eyes again.

Close to a week later is when you were discharged, and allowed to return to classes. And that's exactly what you didn't do. Instead, you went on the prowl for a hiding lion. However, you were surprised to find that he wasn't at any of his usual spots, but instead decaying away in his room.  

The blinds were fully drawn, shielding him from the sunlight that attempt to penetrate. His room was more a mess than usual, as if he had torn through it himself in a fit of rage, before fizzling out and finding his final resting place.

You pursed your lips, that's probably exactly what he did. Oh well, that didn't really matter, so instead of worrying about that, you set about to clean the room.  You heard him shuffle on the bed a bit, but disregarded him until you were finished.

And when you were, you faced him. "..."

"..."

If he wasn't ready to talk, then that was fine. You eyed his body for any external injuries. There didn't seem like there were any, so you turned heel, heading for his en suite bathroom.

"Oi..." It was soft and weak, like he wasn't really addressing you, but just saying it in general confusion. You ignored him in favor of fulling his tub with water and oils (just the way he liked it).

When you were done, you simply gestured to the bath, not waiting to hear any sort of answer because you were already pulling the sheets off the bed before he could protest. So he followed your silent directions and entered the bathroom (leaving the door unlocked).

You made quick work of his bed, then got himself a fresh set of clothes as well as yourself (you knew how he was about outside clothes).

You knocked on the door. "Can I come in?"

"...yeah."

He was fully submerged, a layer of bubbles covering what needed to be covered.

"Can I wash your hair?"

Despite his lips twisting into a frown, he nodded. You knew why. Of course you did. He felt guilty for what happened to you. And yes, maybe, he did have some responsibility for what happened—you also shared in that. You knew that you were getting close to blot, you also knew good and well that taking on Leona's injury would push you over the edge (not to the point of blotting, but damn near close).

But you still took it on, and you'd do it again.

Then hours later, after slipping in and out of dreams, you heard him whisper against your chest.

"Thank you."

"Of course, you can always lean on me, you know." You smiled, setting a kiss on the crown of his head.

"Since I am your healer, after all."

I ended combining these two because I wanted to use this title for the depression piece, but couldn't because I didn't know what else to name the For Thee, Not for Me Continuation. 

SO! I after having a "WAIT FUCK I CAN WORK WITH THIS!" moment, I decided to combine them!

Ko-Fi | Commission | Masterlist

[eroticcannibal]

I've always associated the term pro-recovery with resistance to harm reduction, if that makes sense? Like pro-recovery spaces are not at all welcoming to people just trying to live the best we can with our conditions. There's a lot of guilt tripping and victim blaming rhetoric, especially towards people who don't have access to therapy/doctors/medication/etc for whatever reason.

My ED was made considerably worse by people acting like I was a monster for trying to find safer ways to do things that I was already doing. The fact that I was trying to be safer didn't matter because "pro-recovery" people saw my harm reduction as stagnation and romanticization instead.

This is EXACTLY the shit I'm talking about, and I had the same shit with EDs. Supposed "anti recovery" behaviour kept me alive. If it weren't for those "terrible" lists of under 100 calorie meals I'd not have eaten anything at all.

Survival and the path to recovery very often looks to pro-recovery folks like a bad thing. I've lost people to these attitudes. It has a body count. If pro-recovery was only ever about getting better if you can, if that's whats best at the time, and allowed space for people to struggle and do what they need to survive, their wouldn't be an issue. But thats never been what it was.

[forgottencandy]

Rude Boy

Henry x reader x Patrick

Warning: toxic teenage love

----------

I do what you want, I let you take control. Such chaos. Yet I won't give it up, the thrill is too much to just kill. The other part of me, knows this is all wrong. Staying around a boy that probably not only doesn't care for me, but also does horrible things. I allow it, because I some how got caught up in your game. Almost as if I was a fly caught in a web. Maybe it makes me a fool, but your attention towards me is like a drug. I will always want more, no matter how small the affection I get from you. In the end, I'm an addict; I will do anything that will acquire me your attention. Guess that's why I started playing bad. The abuse, is all you know; I can't blame you. I even started taking after you. Abusing others, because I still feel the pain; but I allow it, because I need you.

I'm glad, that you are happy at how much of a fool I am for you. You're loyal, surprisingly. Maybe the fact that you scare people away, or there's no need to cheat. I'm always here for you, Henry. When you are drunk from drowning your sorrows, that's when we actually communicate. I brush my hand through your hair; something you hated when we were in public. You laid in your bed, out of your mind. "I love you, Henry." I say facing Henry in his bed. We both laid there, I focused more on your face than you did mine. I blame it on how drunk you are, but who knows if you actually want me. I smile as I caress your face, you were extremely tired. "I love you Henry, so mu-"

"You're the only one my dick can get hard for." Henry blurts out, looking into my eyes. I stay still for a moment, looking into his blue orbs. Not exactly the most romantic sentence, but it was flattering. Henry only wanted me, and that made me smile. "I'm confused, what the fuck you want my heart for?" Henry asks, his warm breath hit my face. It was wrenched, but with Henry, I learned not to care. "I don't know, I just, you feel, I don't know why I love you so much.

"I'm misused what the fuck you want my heart for?" Henry said in a more violent tone. He generally didn't understand my love for him.

I sat up, keeping my eyes on his. "Can you even hear me?" I asked in a tiring voice. I've been trying to love this boy for so long. Only for him to mistreat me. I know he doesn't know any better, due to his own shit. "Henry, I'm gonna go home. Have a good night, okay?" I say in a soft tone.

Maybe it's best if I get some space. It's draining, trying to love someone who doesn't want love. Grabbing my light jacket from his bed and leaving Henry's room. He sat up watching me leave, but did nothing else to stop me. As I left the house, it started to sprinkle.

I was walking the dirt road for awhile until I approached town. It was late, night was approaching. As I was coming close to my home, I heard someone call out my name. I look over, it's Patrick. He gave me that smirk he always wore. I went across the street to him. We've been around each other a few times because of Henry. Never really got to know each other much however. "Not with Henry?" He asked in a snarky tone.

Patrick was right, I was always with Henry. Focused on him, acting like a lost puppy. A puppy that Henry would mistreat. A bad dog in the making. "I'm not too sure anymore." I replied. He has a small chuckle after my response. Which causes me to examine him more. Patrick was Henry's friend, he knew I was off limits. "Come hangout with me then." He said walking off behind the house he stood by. I obliged, following him behind a few feet.

He smirked looking over his shoulder at me. "Why do you like Henry so much?" Patrick said in a mocking tone. "You deal with a lot for a boy who isn't even loyal to you." His snicker made my heart sink. I stopped in my tracks, looking at him turn around. "You really didn't think Henry was the loyal type, did you?" Patrick asked me as if I was confused. I felt my heart breaking the more he spoke. "Why are you telling me this?" I snapped at Patrick. Henry wouldn't, or would he?

Patrick has that mischievous smile playing on his face. "Sweetheart, I see how much you do for him. And what does he do? He goes and fucks Greta in the bathroom." His sentence made the little bit of me left, shatter. I couldn't even react, couldn't cry. Something so deviating to me, and I had nothing.

Looking Patrick in his eyes, I slowly approach him in silence. Smiling the entire time as he looked at me. I grabbed him into a violent kiss. Without hesitation, he grabbed back and kissed just as hard. What was I doing? It doesn't matter. Two can play this game.

(I started this years ago, decided to hop back on and kinda finish this part? LOL)

[dollyyun]

𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍𝒔 | chap 12

SYPNOSIS: wherein Hwang Stella's life is tangled in a predicament involving her clandestine identity as a racer, her seemingly daily life as the official heir to the Hwang Empire, and seven guys with whom she has a complex history with.

PAIRING: enhypen members x fem oc.

GENRE: 18+ (mdni), reverse harem, chaebols, semi-college & racing, eventual adulthood, non-idol au, eventual enha being f1 drivers, multiple pov (this fic is written in first pov).

WARNINGS: abuse, violence, expletives, angst, heartbreaks, drama.

WORD COUNT: 10k+

TAGLIST: @aishigrey @kgneptun

🍒 MASTERLIST 🍒

I haven't been in the right state of mind since last week's incident. With Jungwon leaving Seoul, some of the guys had ulterior motives towards me and Sunghoon. It fucked me up so badly that there were moments when I couldn't physically do anything and just unmoved from my bed.

Surprisingly, Minhyuk didn't demand my presence in the room where he punished me for my incompetence. Jihyun, on the other hand, had been relentlessly berating me for my mistakes and how the incident should be a lesson learned to me that I could only trust my family. It's fucking ironic, because I don't even trust the people with whom I share the same blood here in the first place.

Presently, I'm at my secret hideout, which is a garage that is equivalent to the size of the mansion's living room. As I rest on the mini couch with my head on the armrest and my arm draped over my eyes, I begin to collect my thoughts as I bask in the silence. I have been here since the first sunrise.

The Grand Prix will happen tonight, and I need to get my shit together if I want to prevail against my competitors. But my mind will always drift off to them.

The rational part of me understands why they did what they did, but the other part of me still reels from the heartbreak. To learn that they only began to become closer to me just to get me to lower my guard and cause distractions hurts me more than it should.

I mean, when I think about it, it is hypocritical of me to feel enraged and heartbroken when I am to blame as well. I willingly allowed myself to fall for their allure and for them to use me as they pleased. I'm at fault for being utterly weak and a fool for being desperate to get crumbs of their affections.

Tears start to sting in my eyes as I grit my teeth. Despite how much the truth hurts me and how badly I want to hate them, I can't. In the end, they were victims as well.

"Stella!" I hear Aera calling for me in such desperation from the outside. "Stella!"

I remain unmoving from my position as I had the door unlocked. Aera's footsteps rush towards me, prompting me to remove my arm away from my eyes before they stop at Aera, who is dressed in a racer fit with the exception of her high-waisted checkered skirt.

Earlier, I caved in and returned Aera's texts. She had been relentlessly trying to call me and get me to talk to her, but I refused. Eventually, she revealed that she didn't know anything.

I offer her a weak smile as I pat the empty space at my side, where she sits before embracing me in a hug. I sigh, hugging her tighter. At least I still have one last friend.

"Before you say anything, just know that I gave my brother an earful of reprimanding." Aera frowns after she pulls away from the hug. "I can't believe they would do this. I expected better from Heeseung."

"I'm not certain if I can blame them entirely." I chuckle dryly. "I've been thinking and collecting my thoughts. The guys, including your brother, are victims as well."

"But that doesn't justify the fact that they had ulterior motives towards you in the first place." Aera counters, scowling. "If they weren't cowards, they would've rebelled against those with power. Heck, even I rebelled, which resulted in me getting disowned just recently."

I look at her with my eyes widening. "What happened?"

"I confronted my parents about their schemes, and we were in such a heated argument that even Heeseung tried to intervene. They also disapproved of me being friends with you and forbade me from seeing you, but I wasn't about to let them control my life." Aera sighs. "Which then resulted in me getting disowned by my parents."

My eyes turn crestfallen. "I'm so sorry, Aera."

"Hey, it's fine. Don't feel bad." Aera grabs my hand, squeezing it lightly. She gives me a faint smile. "Plus, they haven't been the ideal parents to me since I was young. I was just there merely for decoration. Heeseung's the apple of their eyes."

I sigh and am about to speak, but Aera cuts me off. "Stella, listen," She places her hand on my shoulder as she looks at me with firm eyes. "Whatever happens, I'll always stick by your side. Wherever you go, I'll go too."

Tears well up in my eyes. "Really?"

"Truly." Aera smiles. "Us girls got to stick together."

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

The circuit where the Grand Prix is held is more massive than I expected. After Aera and I parted ways as she joined the other spectators, I'm with the other racers, loitering at the automat. I don't know why I feel disheartened when I don't see any sightings of familiar faces.

With the empty can in my grasp, I slowly crush it before averting my gaze from the other racers who are mingling about and making my way towards the rubbish. I toss it inside and turn around, but my heart stops beating momentarily when I come face-to-face with Jaeyun. My first love.

He appears to have been running, given how he is panting lightly and sweats trickling down his temple. His dark hair is slightly tousled, making me want to adjust it, but I refrain from doing so.

"Stella, I need to tell you something." He starts off, but the moment he speaks, I look away from him and attempt to walk away. "This is important!" He tugs at my wrist, causing me to jerk from his sudden touch.

I look at him with a scowl. "What do you want─"

"Rena was spotted earlier." Jaeyun cuts me off with a sense of urgency. "She was seen where we racers stationed our vehicles."

I kind of had a hunch that she would be here, considering how she wouldn't stop pestering me for the past few days about the Grand Prix and how it'll be the night I will remember.

"So what?" I ask bluntly, which throws him off guard. "Thanks for this important information."

"You don't understand, love." Jaeyun says in frustration. "Don't you know your sister? She could've done something deplorable tonight that might concern your safety."

"Even if she did something, why do you care?" I let out a shaky breath.

Jaeyun's eyes glisten. "I never stopped caring about you, love."

I look away from his eyes, because the longer I stare into them, the stronger the urge to return to his arms. "Then stop caring." I turn my back on him while tears brim in my eyes. "I did."

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Determination and tenacity sizzle through every fibre of my being while my clutch on the steering wheel tightens with resolve. The blaring sound of the exhaust of my engine blares just as loudly as the other cars on the circuit.

My eyes shift to the rear view mirror, noticing Jaeyun's car approaching from behind. My foot presses down the accelerator pedal, refusing to lose against him or even some of them. Currently, I'm against seven competitors, including Jaeyun, Riki, and Sunghoon. Just earlier, I saw the bunch of them together, but I refrain from going to them just like I used to.

Focus, Stella. My better instinct tells me as my eyes harden. You can't afford to lose.

My hands multitask, going into auto mode as they operate the functions with competency. I manage to overtake Sunghoon, but there are still three cars ahead of me. Suddenly feeling a little breathless, I slide up the visor of my helmet to get some air, but it isn't enough.

I begin to cough as my throat begins to feel dry before I finally notice how the interior of my car seems misty.

"Stella." I hear Junho's voice speaking into my ear, as I have an earbud inside. "You're slowing down and losing momentum. What's wrong?"

"I'm fine." I cough once more before I grit my teeth in annoyance. "I was a little distracted."

"Focus, Hwang. You know you can't be distracted." Junho says sternly. "Make me proud. Make your uncle proud."

It's as if the mention of my uncle is the triggering point, and before I know it, I pick up the velocity, zooming past each car as though it's a vigorous beast. Sweats trickle down my skin while my heart is having palpitations.

After successfully leaving the other racers in the dust, I attempt to decelerate my car as I realise how fast my car is going, but as I hit the pedal break, nothing changes. The speed remains the same. I begin to panic, trying everything in my power to reduce the speed of my car, but to no avail.

"Stella! You're going insanely fast!" Junho's urgent voice doesn't help to alleviate what I'm feeling either.

"I can't!" I choke out as tears spring from my eyes. "Something's wrong with the functions!"

Then I hear nothing from Junho. I try again, again, and again, but nothing is working. This has never happened before, and I'm guessing Rena did something to my vehicle. I don't know if I will make it out alive.

Thud!

I almost let go of the steering wheel due to the impact I received from the side. I look out the window, and my eyes widen when I see Jaeyun's car. It seems as though he's trying to help me reduce the speed despite the fact that there would be scratches or even damages done to our cars, but Jaeyun doesn't relent.

I feel another thud coming from the opposite, prompting me to look and spot Sunghoon's car as well. They're trying to help me.

Both of their cars come closer and closer until I hear loud screeching from the outside. I try to step on the pedal break again, hoping that it'll function again. Upon seeing that the speed of my car doesn't relent, Jaeyun picks up velocity and overtakes me, but in an instant, he does a swift yet dangerous drift, with his car facing me as he drives backwards.

I guess he's pulling the brakes, because the moment the head of my car meets his, I can feel the difference in speed, but it isn't enough to stop immediately. The loud screeching reaches my ears while my heart beats fast in apprehension.

Jaeyun's tactic seems to be working even though the exterior of our cars has been damaged. Just as we're about to slow down to a stop, we hear loud blaring from my side, prompting me to look with wide eyes at two cars heading towards us with no intention to stop.

Alas, both crash into Jaeyun and me, sending our vehicles flying due to the major impact and the speed. Window glasses shatter everywhere, and my ribs start to hurt while my helmet hits the roof of my car, making me lightheaded.

For a moment, stillness envelopes me as I stay in my seat motionlessly with my car now hanging upside down while pain spikes through my body. I feel blood trickling down my head, and my hands are bearing some wounds from the shattered glasses. As my eyelids are threatening to close, the smell of something burning invades my senses.

"Get Stella out!" I hear muffled voices and yelling before the driver's door is forced open.

"Stella!" I feel hands trying to unbuckle my seatbelt in urgency. As soon as Heeseung unbuckles it, he is swift to catch me and attempts to get me out, but I ended up being dragged due to the difficulty of being hanged upside down.

My eyelids are heavy, but I persist, feeling my back leaning against Heeseung's chest while I spot Jay kneeling in front of me as he carefully removes my helmet.

"Stella." Heeseung frantically brushes the strands of my hair away from sticking to my face. My head lolls to the side, feeling heavy, and the fact that my ribcage feels painful.

"Jaeyun." I manage to utter, though in a whimper. "Is Jaeyun safe?" But my eyes shift to the view in front of me, and my heart drops.

Fire is slowly engulfing Jaeyun's car whole, and I spot Jaeyun, who has been dragged away from his car. Half of his face is smeared with blood while he appears lifeless.

"No." I begin to sob weakly as tears flow freely. It was supposed to be only me, not him. He wasn't supposed to get hurt.

"Get the stretchers!" I hear Junho bark out orders while chaos erupts everywhere.

I feel Heeseung's arm go underneath my knees while the other goes behind my back before he carries me in bridal style. He seems to be saying something, but his voice sounds far away. Before I knew it, I had fallen into the rabbit hole.

The paramedics brought Jake, Stella, and the other two racers to the nearest hospital. Unfortunately, the other two racers couldn't pull the brakes, just like Stella. Compared to the three of them, Jake receives the most impact, which is why he is now in a critical condition.

"Heeseung!" Aera calls for me, jogging towards us as we wait outside of the A&E room. She pants heavily while her eyes glisten with tears. "Stella and Jake?"

I shake my head at her and sigh deeply as I run my fingers through my hair in frustration. "They're still inside."

"I don't get it." Sunoo, who is seated on the bench, speaks up with a look of despair. "How could this have happened?"

"I'm guessing Rena happened." Sunghoon says as he leans against the wall across from us. His eyes harden. "Before the race, Jake told me about Rena being spotted at where the vehicles are stationed. I'm assuming that she tampered with their vehicles."

"But how?" Ni-Ki asks incredulously. "Unless someone gave her access."

"You're right." Jay approaches us after not being seen anywhere. "Sorry. I've had to do a little investigation and do some reporting on the accident. But Ni-Ki is right. Rena paid some staff to let her in."

"Then she should be put behind bars!" Aera exclaims.

"Don't worry. She's currently being investigated." Jay rolls his eyes. "Although I'm positive her parents will bail her out."

We wait impatiently yet restlessly for the outcome of the next hour.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

After hearing the dreadful news from Jake's doctor, I decide to head to Stella's room with Aera while the guys head over to Jake's. As soon as my eyes settle on her figure, my heart aches at the sight, especially with IV drips inserted into her skin.

Stella looks utterly vulnerable as she rests. I look down at her hands, which are covered in bandages, before I tenderly hold her hand. According to her doctor, she sustained an injury to her ribcage in bruised form, and the side of her forehead needed stitching. She also inhaled some type of substance that caused her to feel dizzy. Other than that, she is fine.

"Jaeyun?" Stella mumbles, startling us as she stirs, finally fluttering her eyes open. "Jaeyun!"

"Hey, hey. It's fine, sweetheart." I move closer to her side with my hand gently touching her forehead. She weeps in silence as tears trickle down her cheeks.

"Where is Jaeyun?" She asks weakly.

I give her a sad smile. "He's in the ICU. He's in a critical condition. He received the most impact."

"He's in a coma." Aera speaks up, her voice sounds shaky. "We don't know if he'll wake up."

At once, Stella releases a sharp sob, and I can only hold her hand, feeling helpless and useless. "It's my fault." Stella cries out. "I was supposed to be the only one to get hurt, not him!"

Neither Aera nor I can offer her words of consolation. Aera covers her mouth as her eyes glisten with tears, getting emotional upon seeing Stella break down.

"He shouldn't have helped me. If he hadn't, he would be safe." Stella holds my hand tighter.

"You know he would. He would always save you in a heartbeat, sweetheart." My voice is barely above a whisper. "Just like I would. Just like any of us would."

Stella shakes her head, whimpering. "I'm not worth saving, Hee."

Upon hearing her statement, my heart seems to be shattering into pieces.

For the past three days, whenever we paid Stella a visit, she would mostly remain silent and stare into spaces. Even as we tried to get her to speak, she would either nod or shake her head. We've been dying to talk to her about what happened at the gala. She needed to know that our feelings for her still remain unchanged.

"I heard from someone that Stella had been discharged from the hospital last night." Sunoo announces as we gather at Sunghoon's crib, but silence is all he receives. With Jungwon gone and Jake in a comatose state, nothing has been the same as it was.

Everything is crumbling.

"Surprisingly, Jake's parents paid him a visit yesterday." Sunghoon attempts to start a conversation. "I thought they wouldn't care, but I was shocked to see his mother shedding tears."

"I feel bad for Charlotte." Ni-Ki says with a frown. "She was crying hysterically at the hospital."

I heave a deep sigh, leaning my back against the couch. "Everything has gone wrong since Jungwon happened."

"He didn't even bid us goodbye." Sunoo's voice wavers while he looks hurtful.

Before anyone can speak, the doorbell chimes repeatedly, followed by a familiar voice calling for us frantically. "Heeseung! Sunghoon! Anyone?!"

Heeseung doesn't hesitate to rush to the main door, which is nearer to the living room where we're at. As Heeseung swings, the door opens, and Aera rushes inside, all sweaty and looking as though she had been chased by a serial killer.

"Who invited you here?" Sunoo attempts to joke, but to our great astonishment, Aera breaks into tears.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Heeseung immediately holds his sister. "Aera."

"It's Stella." Aera sobs with hiccups, leaving her lips. "She's in danger."

"What?" I step forward, my brows furrowing, while I feel uneasy. "What do you mean she's in danger?"

"Mary called me, telling me to go to the address she sent to me and pleaded to save Stella." Aera tries to even her breathing, but she seems to be going hysterical. "Mary didn't even have the chance to explain everything before I heard her screaming in agony on the line, and─ oh my god."

Heeseung embraces Aera as the latter clings onto him, weeping into his shoulder. "What I heard was horrible before the line went dead." Aera then looks at us with desperation. "We need to save her."

"Of course. Send me the address." Sunghoon answers for all of us. "And you stay here put. You'd be safer here."

"No." Aera shakes her head stubbornly. "I'm coming with you guys. Stella's my soul sister."

"Hoon's right, sis." Heeseung holds her shoulders and looks at her firmly. "I don't want to risk the chance of losing you." Aera's eyes soften before Heeseung leans forward to peck her forehead.

"I'm calling for legal backups." I tell them as I whip out my phone. Thank God I have a close cousin from law enforcement who I know I can trust to help me out.

"Let's go, then."

Initially, I was supposed to be discharged tomorrow, but last night, my parents demanded that my doctor release me early. The doctor, just like any other, was scared shitless by the influence and authority my parents wielded and the fact that they're the Hwangs, so that led to where I am presently, in my bedroom, as I curl my body like a prawn with vacant eyes.

There is no doubt that my parents now know about me being a racer, given how the major incident that happened at the Grand Prix came out in the news and spread out through the media like wildfire. But oddly enough, neither of them has yet to confront me about it. The last thing I heard from my mother was her ordering Mary to take me to my room and have me well rested.

My finger begins to draw a circle on my bedsheet while my eyes follow its movement. I've been lying on my bed for the past few hours after Mary brought my medications and meals. The mansion is peculiarly quiet. Mary did tell me that everyone is in the mansion, but it's weird not hearing Rena's usual whines and my mother barking orders to the pitiful helpers.

I sigh once more before deciding to get up, slowly raising my body while my ribcage throbs, but it's bearable compared to a few days ago. It isn't healthy for me to be cooped up in my room the whole day. I need to exercise a little.

As I open the door, I take a peek outside the hallway, where only two helpers can be seen wiping the dust at every corner. Stepping outside, I begin to make my way down. Since my stomach is grumbling a little, I should check out the fridge so I can munch on anything edible.

But I halt my steps just before I nearly reach the kitchen. I am swift enough to hide myself from their sight behind the wall. I can't help but eavesdrop on them. Rena and Jihyun.

"Mom, don't you think it's time we tell Stella the truth?" Rena asks, and judging by her tone, I can tell she is smirking.

I hear Jihyun sighing wearily. "I don't think it's a good idea, Rena."

"I think it's a splendid idea! She's grown up now, so she should be able to handle the truth!" Rena exclaims. "Besides, she can't keep getting away from all the troubles she's gotten herself into just because she's the heir when she's not even a proper Hwang."

"Rena." There is a warning under Jihyun's tone. "Enough. She's your sister."

"You mean half-sister."

My face contorts into confusion. Half-sister? Is she bluffing?

Rena continues to speak with such disdain. "Since Hyunjin and Yeji are no longer here, I should be appointed as the official Hwang heir, but no. Dad chose Stella. She doesn't even deserve the title when I'm the rightful heir."

I can't take this anymore. I begin to make my way into the kitchen and finally see Rena and Jihyun by the kitchen island. Jihyun's eyes widen at the sight of me, whereas Rena simply raises her eyebrow at me.

"Half-sister?" I start off, and my tone sounds sharp and cold. I look directly into Jihyun's fearful eyes. "Tell me the truth, mother. What did Rena mean by half-sister?"

"Stella, you should be in bed!" Jihyun attempts to distract me with her chastisement, walking towards me and trying to reach for me, but I back away from her. "Stella, please!"

"If you want to know so bad about the truth, why don't you ask father?" Rena suggests, giving me a coy smile while something malicious glints in her eyes. "Go on, sister. He's in his office right now."

"Stella, don't!" Jihyun tries to reach for me again, but I am already walking away despite my rib that still throbs in pain.

After living with them for many years and learning their behaviours, maybe I am falling into a trap, or maybe it's just nothing, but I need to know, especially when it is highly related to the confidential file that I still have in my possession.

Before I know it, I reach outside of his office. I don't bother to knock as I barge into his office. His men at the side seem alarmed by my unwanted presence, but when Minhyuk raises his palm, they heed.

I breathe heavily with my eyes drilling into Minhyuk's forehead while he appears to be nonchalant as he reads through his paperwork. "No more secrets and no more lies, father." A muscle jumps in my jaw. "Tell me the truth behind my birth."

Minhyuk releases a sigh and slowly removes his reading glasses before meeting my eyes. "I've been waiting for you to confront me about it ever since you stole the confidential file."

I clench a fist. "Just go straight to the point, father."

Minhyuk chuckles coldly, enough to bring chills down my spine. "Father. I've always hated you calling me that. I'm sure you're smart enough to put the final pieces together, daughter."

He's implying that since I've read the documents in the confidential file, the final piece is an obvious answer. "You're not my biological father." I state firmly despite my hands, which are trembling from the revelation. "Then who is my biological father?"

"Let me tell you a story about the time when I found out about your mother's infidelity years ago." Minhyuk rises from his seat and strides around the table before leaning his back on the edge of his table, standing across from me. "You see, I've always wanted anything my older brother wanted, including the woman of my dreams, ergo, your mother."

Confusion clouds my head. Why is he suddenly mentioning Uncle Minjun?

"Winning over your mother's heart was easy, and so I stole from him and married her a few years later. When she gave birth to your older brother and sister, I was overjoyed, but then came the responsibilities I had to commit. I got busy with work to the point where I neglected your mother." He continues with a grim look. "I was on a business trip, and your mother got lonely. So she sought comfort in another man's arms, the one who used to be her first love. One thing led to another, your mother got pregnant with you, unfortunately."

I swallow down a painful lump. "If my birth was unfortunate, you should've killed me instead. But you didn't. You raised me in this mansion that doesn't feel like home because you made it hell."

Minhyuk smirks coldly. "I had some thoughts about killing you off, but your mother wanted to keep you. In retaliation, I forbid your biological father from raising you and warned him not to reveal the truth to you. I was lenient enough to allow him to see you and bring you out."

"Uncle Minjun." Tears well up in my eyes as I gasp softly when realisation hits me like a brick. "He's my biological father."

"Yes. My dearest older brother." Minhyuk speaks of him as though he's poisoned. "You were never supposed to find out the truth until the day you die."

"Why?" I allow the tears to flow down. "Even if I'm not your real daughter, we still share the same blood! How could you treat your own blood like this?! For years, I've done everything you asked me to, and I even endured all your torturous ways to tame me." I cry out while my chest starts to hurt. "What even is my sin?!"

"Your existence itself is the biggest sin!" Minhyuk roars at me, finally unleashing the monster that lurks beneath his $1000 suit. "You are a constant reminder of their infidelity!"

I don't even realise that Minhyuk is just standing a few metres from me now. I manage to catch the way his fingers seem to motion to his men, and before I know it, they grab my arms tight, preventing me from escaping.

"Did you know that such infidelity is unacceptable to the Hwangs? And do you know what happens to those who are born because of it?" Minhyuk leans closer to my face, and the emotion in his eyes shakes me to the core. "They die."

"You can't kill me!" I yell, struggling in their grasps. "I'm the heir! You know you need me! I'm the only one who is capable and competent enough compared to Rena!"

"I don't need you. As for my precious daughter, Rena, I'm sure she'll do an exceptional job once she's educated and groomed well." He says. "She's my daughter, after all."

I laugh humorlessly before looking up at him with a smirk. "Yeah, your daughter, alright. Do you know that Rena loved stealing what was once mine? I guess it runs in the blood after all."

A loud smack resonates throughout this room as I find my head turning sideways. My left cheek feels a stinging pain from the impact of his palm.

"Sir." Another of his men barges into the room, but this time, the sound of Mary protesting catches my attention. "I found her eavesdropping outside." He roughly throws Mary to the floor.

"Mary, she's your loyal maid, right?" Minhyuk looks at me with a sinister smile.

My eyes harden. "Don't you dare do anything to her."

"Even if I did, you wouldn't be able to do anything." He chuckles before speaking to his men. "Bring her to the 500 central warehouse and prepare the necessary equipment. Make sure to make it look like an accident."

"What about her?" One of his men asks as he nudges his head towards Mary.

"She'll be dealt with later."

But I scream at Mary, "Mary, run!"

And she does so without hesitation, swift enough to catch one of the men off guard. I hope she'll be able to escape.

"Catch her, you fool!" Minhyuk barks at him before the man quickly runs after Mary.

"What is the meaning of this?" I hear my mother's voice from behind. "Minhyuk! What are you doing?!" For the first time, my mother sounds afraid, as though she fears losing me.

Minhyuk glares at her heatedly. "Doing what I should've done years ago. Undoing your mistake, Jihyun."

The next thing I know, something hard hits my head, resulting in me losing consciousness the instant.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

When I regain consciousness, I find myself at an old-looking warehouse. I wince as my head feels heavy while my eyes flutter, looking at my surroundings. I spot some of Minhyuk's men, seeming to be holding cruets with yellowish-looking liquid as they throw the content on every wall, not missing out anything.

I try to move, but as I glance down, I realise that I've been tied to a wooden chair. I wince when I make the slightest movement, feeling pain from my ribcage that was supposed to heal soon.

"You're finally awake! I got bored of waiting." Rena speaks in a sweet yet sickening tone as I slowly look up to see her striding towards me. My heart rate spikes upon seeing a knife in her gloved hand. "Dad gave me permission to follow his men. I mean, someone has to make sure that you won't be able to make it out alive."

"How could you be this heartless?" I ask, my body trembling in anger and despair. "Even if I'm not Minhyuk's biological daughter, I'm still your sister."

"Blood means nothing to me, especially when that person was born out of infidelity." Rena scoffs. "I've always known that you're my half-sister. Father revealed it to me back in elementary school. I was furious because how could you still live freely when you're a constant reminder of mom's mistake?"

"Then why am I being blamed when I didn't ask for any of this to happen?!" My scream is resounding.

In a blink of an eye, Rena plunges the knife into my left thigh, sending my body into a shock before the pain comes. I scream, crying in agony, as she twists the knife deeper into my flesh. The pain is unlike any other.

"You're right!" Rena speaks beside my ear, taking pleasure in my affliction. "It isn't your fault that you were created because of a mistake." Rena looks at me in the eyes and smiles cruelly before she removes the knife from my thigh, which is gushing out blood. "So allow me to do you a favour by undoing our mommy dearest's sin."

I close my eyes as I await the pain, expecting Rena to stab me once more, but nothing happens. Instead, I hear Rena yelp out, and a commotion happens. As I open my eyes, I spot Sunghoon pinning a hysterical Rena to the ground.

At once, chaos erupts with Minhyuk's men fighting against some police officers while I spot familiar faces that make my heart ache.

"I got you, Stel." Riki's voice speaks behind me as I feel him cutting off the ropes around my body.

"What is happening?" I ask, confused but lightheaded due to the blood loss I'm experiencing. As soon as the ropes around me fall to the ground, I feel my body swaying, but Jay manages to catch me in front.

"We're saving you." Jay murmurs, holding me against him as he tries to steady me, but my legs wobble due to how weak I am.

"But how are you here?" I ask languidly as my eyelids feel heavy.

"Mary called Aera." Heeseung appears in front of me with a small cloth. He kneels down to tie the cloth around my thigh to stop the bleeding before continuing to clear my confusion. "Aera came to us for help, to save you."

I try to stand strong on my feet, but the pain on my thigh is unbearable, and I find myself falling into Heeseung, to whom he holds me steady. I breathe heavily as I'm on the brink of losing consciousness for the second time. "I told you that I'm not worth saving." I say to him.

Heeseung looks at me with his jaw tightening. "And I told you that we'd save you in a heartbeat."

Just as I'm about to protest, a burning smell invades my senses before I look at our surroundings in panic. One of the men manages to set the warehouse on fire.

"Get out!" An unfamiliar man dressed in formal attire barks out from afar. "Find the nearest exit!"

"No!" Rena shrieks from behind before we turn around to see Sunghoon on the ground, with blood gushing from his arm, while Rena's knife is redder, stained with blood. "I won't let you live, Hwang Stella!" Her wild eyes look at me before she charges towards me.

"Run!" Jay attempts to drag me with him, but due to my injury, I stumble and fall to the ground. Frantically, I turn around to see an incoming Rena with the tip of the knife pointed towards me.

"Stella!" Jay shouts for me in mortification while I pathetically try to back away.

But Heeseung is swift enough to grab Rena by her arm with ease and pull her away from coming towards me. As Jay tries to help me up, I watch in horror as Rena and Heeseung brawl on the ground. She reaches out for the knife frantically.

"Heeseung!" I yell, the fear in my voice is apparent as he avoids her attack, but in a blink of an eye, she plunges the knife into his stomach, making me cry out for him for the second time.

Boom!

A sudden explosion erupts. I look up in horror. The warehouse is starting to fall apart.

"Ni-Ki! Get Stella out of here!" Jay orders before I feel Riki's presence from behind. Without a word, Riki carries me in a bridal style while Jay runs away.

"Riki! Some of them are still inside!" I cry out, tears streaming down my face.

"Your safety is our top priority, Stel." Riki clenches his jaw while his eyes glisten with tears.

"No!" I cough due to inhaling the smoke that is becoming thick. "We need to save them!" But my plea goes unheard as he continues to find a way out.

"Ni-Ki! Here!" Sunoo is standing by an open door, calling for us. Riki immediately makes a run for the exit, but he almost drops me when there is another explosion. Finally, we manage to exit from the warehouse, but the second they step foot outside, the entire warehouse bursts into flames, resulting in us falling to the ground due to the explosion.

I groan in agony at the impact as I lie on the ground. I look to my sides, noticing Riki unconscious while Sunoo is wincing in pain. We can feel the heat of the flames from this distance.

"Riki." I whimper, my hand trying to reach out to him, but I wince at the pain shooting in my shoulder. My head feels heavy, and I don't even know if I can hold on any longer.

"Stella, hold on." Sunoo's hand grabs mine, but even his grasp feels weak.

Maybe we were never meant to have our own happy ending, as long as they were tied to me. My heart rate seems to be slowing down while my surroundings have become a blur. I hear muffled shouts in the background as my eyelids finally give up on me.

Then, comes the silence as well as the familiar darkness that I can now call a friend.

Am I alive? Or am I dead? I don't know. My surroundings are painted in obsidian. But if I am dead, then why do I feel such warmth coming from someone while my ears are slowly picking up to the sounds of my surroundings?

Beep. Beep. Beep.

I'm not dead. Relief washes over me like a tidal wave. But I can't seem to move as my body feels heavy. I know for a fact that I am capable of making a movement, but it is as if my body refuses to cooperate with me.

Come on, Jake. Move!

Finally, I feel my fingers twitching. Then comes a familiar voice that exclaims in shock. "Jake Oppa!" Charlotte. "Jake's awake!"

After much determination, I manage to flutter my eyelids open but groan at the blinding lights on the ceiling. My body still feels weak, and my throat feels dry as sand. Heck, I feel like I've been brought back from the dead.

"Jake!" Sunoo greets me at the side, hovering over my figure. Tears glisten in his eyes as he smiles down at me. "I'm glad you're awake."

"Oppa." Charlotte holds my hand as she weeps. "I've missed you so much."

With Sunoo's assistance, I slowly sit up with my back leaning against the headboard. I take a look at Charlotte with a frown on my face as I notice how she has grown a little taller. "I've missed you too, Char."

I run my fingers through my hair, but I feel startled by how long the strands are. I look at Sunoo with visible confusion. "How long was I asleep? Weeks?"

A grim expression etches on Sunoo's face. "You were in a coma for eight months, Jake."

It feels as though time has stopped around me. My face drops, as does my heart. I can't believe that I've been in a coma for so long.

"You were in a critical condition. We even thought you wouldn't make it." Sunoo tells me with sad eyes. "But the doctor informed us that you were trying to fight. So we stayed hopeful."

"He's right, Oppa." Char rubs her eyes.

I sigh deeply. "I guess I must've missed out a lot." I chuckle, but I am only met by silence before I dart my eyes at the two. "What? I haven't missed out that much, right?" I still jest. "I can't wait to meet the rest, especially Stella. God, Stella. I haven't even given her a proper apology."

"Oppa," Char tugs at my hand. "Unnie isn't here." She says quietly.

A frown tugs at the corners of my lips. "What do you mean?"

"It means she isn't here, Jake." Sunoo mutters. "She's gone."

The only sound that can be heard in the moment is the sound of my shattering heart.

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[lady-phasma]

Phazzie could you please explain the appeal of Aemond? In great detail please and thanks

I can and I would be honored! I have been saving this one until I could really dig into it. Thanks for your patience, anon.

I'll start with the hair and get it out of the way. Targaryen hair. Now that's done we can move on to why Aemond is such an appealing character for so many in the HotD fandom.

Aemond doesn't have very much screen time and that makes him a bit mysterious. It also makes him fun for fic writers because there is so much blank space to fill in until the next season. You asked for "great detail" so I think the best place to start is with younger Aemond because that part of his character sets a solid foundation for aged-up Aemond who is the primary focus of the Aemond stans.

This kid is complex! Not going into controversies about bullying or whether his actions were justified, objectively Aemond was designed to be more than a one-dimensional character. Your question wasn't about why people hate him but I have to mention that his claiming of Vhagar is the point where fans seem to begin to disagree. However, that such a moment can be so divisive is evidence that it is crucial to his character development.

Back to his appeal. Until this decision is made Aemond is a kind of privileged underdog. He shows disappointment that he was not expected to fulfill any princely duties as his brother is. He is pushed aside as a second son. He isn't a true underdog because, well, he's a Targaryen prince but he has been given a hurdle that is perceived by other characters to be a major disadvantage: he does not have a dragon. For Targaryen royalty that's an embarrassment as well. We all know about the Pink Dread but it's deeper than that.

He makes a rash decision to claim Vhagar at the first opportunity. He's a kid, they act before they think. But he succeeds. Vhagar allows this princeling to ride her. I may not be a good judge of character but dragons are, they know if the rider has the mettle it takes to ride them.

So here's this kid, who lacks for nothing but a dragon, and he finally gets one... under the most inconsiderate circumstances possible. Yup, at Laena's funeral. Kids aren't smart or thoughtful as a rule. Regardless of the 'why's and placing blame, little dude ends up losing an eye by the hand of his nephew Lucerys. Now Westeros is no longer his oyster. A damaged prince, a "cripple" as Bran Stark puts it, and a second son who will have even less duty placed upon him. He's still not to be pitied and he is still privileged beyond imagining, but now his complexity becomes more interesting.

Let's jump ahead. What makes this bizarre, cocky, one-eyed price so likable? Especially when about half of aged-up Aemond's screen time is sass and being rude and literally shoving people. All of that, that's what.

Aemond's appeal is his lack of fucks. He has none to give. He lost them all with his eye. Yes, he loves his mother, honors his father, brother, and sister (don't come at me I'm sure he loves them too). He also worked hard to make sure that he could be arrogant. He didn't wake up a badass. He strove for it. He earned his cockiness. He doesn't give a shit about tourneys because tournaments are for pretty knights who wear armor and ask for favors. He needs no armor, he even discards his shield and still bests a man wielding a morning star. He antagonizes his nephews immediately because he is hyper-aware of his surroundings and planned his words carefully to instill the most insecurity in them as possible.

You might be asking 'how on earth is that appealing?' Well, because the average viewer has to give fucks, day in and day out. His air of superiority is something very few people can get away with without alienating everyone around them. This is why fiction is fun. He is superior and he knows it.

He has no plans to overthrow his brother for the crown but this man knows, and I mean knows, that he is better suited to be king. He knows he is better at everything. Is he right? That's irrelevant for most fans. This grandiosity is sexy. Not only in a sexual attraction kind of way. It's gravitas.

Yet all of that comes from this thin, graceful, precise young man with only one eye. Can you see the juxtaposition, the contradiction, that has been set up for this character? He is, by Westerosi standards, a broken thing. He inhabits a nebulous space, a space not yet concretized by the series, that requires nothing from him while also requiring everything from him.

On top of all of this is a fierce need to rectify what he sees as injustices. He is an ass when he makes his 'strong' pun, as princes can be. He isn't a lovely, compassionate person who rises above, takes the 'high road,' or 'turns the other cheek.' That is appealing as well because it's not how viewers get to navigate their own world. They have to bite their tongues and be the better person. Aemond doesn't have to at all.

To wrap up this monster answer, I want to skip to Storm's End and no, not the chomp, a bit before that. Viewers see Aemond as this rakish, cavalier, sexy Targaryen but I have my doubts that he is viewed that way in the narrative. Lord Borros's daughter isn't fanning herself and melting into a puddle at his feet. He might have Targaryen hair (you knew I couldn't mention it only once) but he is not at all "traditionally" handsome, not as he could have been perhaps, again by Westerosi standards, if he had not lost his eye.

Viewers see him as extremely sexy, again that gravitas as much as his appearance, but aren't frightened of him. The fourth wall protects the viewers from the frightening aspects of Aemond's personality, shields them. And that is the space from which all the appeal emerges. I think I've done pretty well so far to not say "I like this or that" about Aemond. I'm going to do it now. I find him appealing because he is unpredictable. I could very well be frightened of him. I'm not special. I only have a special viewpoint: from behind the fourth wall. His unpredictability makes him interesting (like claiming Vhagar at a funeral) and it makes him a bit dangerous. Of course I think he is beautiful, but that's not the je ne sais quoi of him. What Aemond does that few characters in HotD seem to be doing is making viewers genuinely curious. How that curiosity is expressed is as varied as the fans. Some hate him because he is enigmatic, others love him and project their needs onto him, some want him to be one-dimensional and perhaps evil, and nearly all of them wait with bated breath to find out what he will do next.

[zredarts]

HEY HEY GHESTIE CONGRATS MR DEWDROP LOVED YOUR STICKER AND PUT IT ON HIS GUITAR IM SURE HE LOVES IT HES LIKE OH THANK YOU GOOD JOB ITS SO CUTE

HI HI! why thank you! Everyone is being so nice about this, its very warming since i didn't even know he would do this.

I already talked about it on twitter, but i think I'mma go into detail here for those who have no twitter, and also because i have more space for rants.

For starters, im a very anxious person. I am aware of everything and everyone in my surroundings, and i don't like to bother people. Miraculously, i made some friends there and they helped me be more comfortable (this was my first concert ever, not even first ritual just concert in general). I tried showing Sodo my sticker during ritual, but to no avail he didn't see it, and i don't blame him it must be hard to see with that mask, and i was in an awkward place (between middle and right stage, front row). One of his picks also accidentally hit me in the face but thats another topic lol

After ritual they tweeted about some event going on. We decided to go check it out since they said they'll be around. I didn't think we would see them but sure enough they arrived to take a look a bit later. My mind was set on giving him the sticker because it was now or never, but i didn't feel comfortable doing so, and so my friends just pushed me near him. I was afraid he would reject it, and at first i felt like i was being a bother, but as soon as he realized i was handing him a sticker his face just lighted up with a smile. I still remember his exact words when he went to grab it. He thanked me, looked it for a bit and said it was adorable. When i tell you this man was the sweetest and spoke to me softly im not exaggerating, he was such a sweetheart. After that i had to leave immediately because again, insecurities and i was shaking very badly so i turned around and went back to my spot. I dunno if he wanted to say something about it, cuz when i looked back he had come closer to my friends and they were talking about something. They left soon after, i think they went to see another concert playing on that venue.

That said, i was certainly sure he may have lost the sticker because of how many people were there and the probability of it falling on accident, and i forgot to give him a backup. I didn't mind if he would have lost it, it was just a sticker after all, but almost a week later i get a message at 3 am from a fan (if you're reading this, thank you so much i wouldn't have known without you) who recognized the sticker from my Instagram story. I didn't have words, i actually was mentally denying the fact it could be my sticker because thats such a great honor. I saw all the comments from people saying that was so on brand for him and that the sticker was cute and it really made me feel nice about it. Even now i still can't believe he liked it enough to be like welp this is going on the guitar lmao

It goes to show how a simple gesture as using a sticker can mean so much for others, and in this case it really made me feel more confident about it. It makes me wish i could thank him for it, a proper thank you. Seeing how they said they had one of the best tours at my ritual, im sure they're gonna come back at some point, so hopefully by then I'll be able to thank him properly, because this not only helped me with my own self esteem, but also with my art career, as seen as people really liked it and would want stickers too.

And thats what I'll do, hopefully my adhd allows me to lol. But thats basically the gist of it, sorry for the long rant. Theres so much that went on, and so much going on in my mind. I appreciate everyone who's spreading the word, and all the kind words about it. And i appreciate Dew for giving my sticker a special place in his heart. Thank you for reading

[maxwell-grant]

🔥 X-men/Krakoa?

Allright let me swing at the hornet's nest here a bit: Krakoa was wasted on the X-Men, not the other way around.

Krakoa was, however problematic and shitty and complicated it might have been even from day one, was onto something enough to generate the intense interest and instant fandom it did, and it's biggest problem wasn't with the forgiving of unrepentant monstrous villains (because that door got blown open forever ago), or the no-humans-allowed policy, or the genocide in Latin America, or the pod people resurrection that took the bite out of every mutant genocide and death past and future, or that the entire premise was built around them trusting the funi haha eugenicist Nazi to build their paradise and let himself be stopped later, or that it kept revolving around the petty courtly intrigues of the arch assholes in charge with only like, two writers capable of propping up this to make it worth reading about. The central problem didn't have as much to do with the fact that the newfound central focus on shadowy detached superhumans huffing their supremacist royalist fumes 24/7 is precisely why nobody likes the Inhumans and especially why nobody liked them as a replacement to the X-Men, and you can't cobble a story out of Magneto/Emma Frost/Mr Sinister mean girl one-liners and hot takes even if that's all the fans want (yes, the X-Men are bastards and so is everyone in the MU, how cutting and insightful and powerful they are yes very impressed, but an Epic Bastard Moments compilation is still not a story). I don't even think it can be entirely blamed on the fact that they had the X-Men speedrun through the 14 rules of fascism as the opening act to a larger story only to decide that actually, we don't need that larger story after all, thanks Hickster but we can just take it from here and keep Stage One as is, everyone's gonna be cool with the cult shit if it still feels like it's going anywhere other than back to the school, we can keep this up forever now! This isn't even a bit, I don't think these things were the biggest cause of death for Krakoa even if they all were there.

I think the biggest problem is that, no matter how many cool or great characters they add to their ranks or what turns into epic pulp sci-fi bombast they take, the X-Men might just be foundationally, irreperably broken as a concept, smothered under the weight of the selling metaphor that just gets more dated and problematic and easier to tear holes into with every passing year, and Krakoa ultimately just elevated all these problems to center stage. There was never going to be a world where Magneto says something as full of shit as "There has never been a mutant war and we've never conquered or stolen land or made slaves and that's why we're better, by the way we're going to be your new gods now" with a straight-face and didn't have that proven immediately wrong (not counting all the people in the Council who absolutely did do all of those things). Krakoa couldn't be both the terra nullius dream clubhouse and the "queer separatist utopia" people desperately craved and a cult backed up by genocide run by self-destructive warmongering hypocrites and a next step in evolution and the headquarters to a superhero team you need to tell monthly exploding punchy stories about and a place that was going to live forever and lead us into the better future and a house of cards waiting to be toppled. It didn't have a future because quite frankly, the mutants don't have a future.

The mutants are, even after all this time, still a half-baked idea of people entirely defined by their oppression, by their death and torture and the hollow space where you're expected to insert your own marginalized traits to identify with instead of much of anything akin to how real marginalized identities are formed and developed and solidified over time. Pretending that the mutants can subsist forever on past shoddy worldbuilding and dated, vague parallels just gets more embarassing over time. It's not an issue individually cool comics or characters are going to fundamentally fix. Krakoa, to it's credit, was some way towards trying to define the mutants past their oppression, but they barely had a language or a flag, and even these attempts were smothered under the Claremontian shadow that's been choking this franchise forever and by the inability of The Big Two to truly hand the reins to anyone other than the same stables of white dudes who always get the final say in everything. Krakoa was Going Somewhere up until it wasn't, and the promise alone breathed a whole new life into the X-books, we really did get some very good comics out of this era, but it was always going to end the way it ended.

Actually scrap all of that, my hot take is, not for racist reasons or anything, but we should destroy the X-Men and replace them with big cool robots that can make us safe forever. Has anyone tried that already?

[salmalin]

I Wanna Talk About "Comments"

IMG ID: Yknow go figure you’d abandon this for a popular fandom… goes to show you just write for attention and instant gratification. May as well just delete this. It’s clogging up space. To do all this and walk away for mainstream games is so typical for people like you who claim to be in it for the art. You’re in it for the ratio, you’re in it for your massive ego, so just delete it.

I've been getting a few comments like this lately, and this one is honestly the least biting, but I've been seeing enough of them that I've decided to post this.

I've already deleted this "Named" Anon Comment off the fic, and I'm not going to reply to them, but I wanted to take a moment to talk about this mentality, and why comments like this make no sense.

Basically: They're angry that I'm taking a break from this fic from a small fandom—a fic they've never interacted with—while I'm also writing another story for another fandom that happens to be bigger. This bigger fandom fic has (despite being in first-person with a non-linear storytelling style, famously hated formats) gained a bit of attention. Which is fine. That happens.

So let's talk about why this comment sucks, and why it fails at every level to be any form of criticism, constructive or otherwise.

"abandon this for a popular fandom" Everyone can see that this fic is marked as incomplete. Whoever this is, they chose to click on an incomplete fic that hasn't been updated in eight months—only eight months. A drop in the bucket, really, and the time I went between chapter 5 and chapter 6 was over a year. This is on them. They do not get to put this on the writer. At any point they could have stopped. At any point, they could have closed the fic. They knew this from the get-go. They did not. This was their decision, and they're trying to blame me for their despair. They made it through 245k before they reached this point, and I know because they commented on the last chapter specifically.

"you just write for attention and instant gratification" "Instant"? I don't think this person knows how writing works. Like, on a fundamental level. This story started getting posted in 2020, with my most recent update this year (2023), and they think writing and posting something is looking for "instant gratification". Bold to assume this is "instant". (Bold to assume we have any control over it at all.)

"May as well delete this. It's clogging up space." AO3 is only limited by its server size, and my fic is a drop in the bucket. It is not taking up much in the way of space. Besides, just because something is unfinished does not mean it doesn't belong on AO3. That's why you're allowed to upload chapter by chapter. That is a critical function of the website. It's also an archive, which means it's designed to hold information, finished or unfinished. Again, shame on the reader.

"You're in it for the ratio; you're in it for your massive ego." These are not only assumptions, but if this person is really so opposed to the idea of people doing things for attention, they should ignore children when they need food, only read published novels that are obviously written in a desperate grab for money, and never go on AO3 ever again. If writers didn't want attention, they wouldn't post online for free because they'd just keep it to themselves. And if commenters didn't want attention, they wouldn't comment. (But then would we even have a fandom, if no one's talking to anyone else?) Is this the attention they wanted? Probably. I've found that people like this seem to thrive on the misery they inflict on others.

If y'all care to know why this person was so abysmally wrong in this specific context: (if not, just skip to the end of the list.)

This fic that they're complaining I left for a bigger fandom? I actually left that bigger fandom for this fic. That "bigger fandom" was the first video game I was ever obsessed with. It was 1997, and I wasn't even allowed to touch the console. My brother destroyed the final disc in a fit of rage. I've never even beaten the final boss. It has been 26 years, and for a solid 15 of them I was desperately trying to figure out what I wanted to write for the pairing that changed my life. This fic that they're complaining about me "abandoning" Fires of War for has been rolling around in my brain for longer than the media for Fires of War has even existed. In fact, when you search my username here on tumblr, an ask I sent another user laying this out is essentially the first thing you see. (At least, right now.) In fact, my current user pic is from Fires of War. I did not change it because there's no need to.

Fires of War is actually still in progress, and they would have known this if they read the other comments on the same chapter they complained on. I originally took a break from FoW due to stress, and because no matter what I tried, the next chapter just wasn't working. After a break, I realized why—the outline was broken and needed to be adjusted. Meanwhile, the other fic I'm working on to relieve that stress is much, much easier to write. In my eyes, it's much lower quality, as well. It requires fewer stages of editing. The words flow easily because they're much closer to my speaking voice. I'm not constantly researching cultures I know little about for fact checking and world building and (I shit you not) intercontinental politics. (I once researched the GDP, climate, and economy of Spain in 1986 for several hours and proceeded to have a three hour debate with my editor about a plot point. Yes. Three hours.) Oh, and I don't have to write anything in Iambic Fucking Pentameter. (Yes, that's a thing in Fires of War. They are complaining that I "abandoned" a story that has bits of dialog in god-forsaken Iambic Pentameter. Even at my peak, I wrote 8k in two weeks. But with my current "popular" fic, I can whip out 14k in one. That's how much easier it is.)

I want to turn those "ratio" stats off. I've mentioned this to people a few times, actually—I wish there was a way to turn all stats off on the Archive. They actually give me anxiety. I don't want to know how many comments are on my fic, or kudos are on a little obscure piece. I think that information should only be accessible to the writer, like Tumblr follow counts.

Literally talk to me for three seconds and you will be sick of how into the art of it I am. Holy shit, I cannot shut up. I will include required reading. I will rant about the details I put in for plotlines ten chapters out. I will give you a crash course in tone, word choice, and counting verbs. And yes, I count verbs! Holy fuck I am autistic as hell and this is my special interest. I love writing so much. It's my favorite thing in the world. Please stop my I CAN'T STOP I LOVE WRITING SO MUCH GOD IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS ME FUCKING SANE. So you can imagine how misguided I think someone is when they say I'm not into the art of it. It just exposes them as someone who doesn't know what art is.

I'm a hermit who doesn't really go online much aside from using Discord as a free texting app because for some reason every texting app I've gotten has been broken. I legit do not like attention. I talk to like four people a day outside of work. I don't even like it when people complement me too much. Even if I went above and beyond, just one sentence is more than enough and move on, please. It's good to know my actions have had positive consequences, because that's crucial for my brain processing said consequences so I can continue said action in the future because I know I didn't do something wrong, but repeated praise makes me uncomfortable. It took me a long time to understand this about myself. This seems antithetical at first, but I do like the comments that break down the themes, execution, etc. in my fics. If they're breaking things down, moving to point to point about parts they enjoyed, there are giving me critical feedback. They tell me what thy enjoyed, and what was picked up. It's extremely useful feedback to know what they enjoyed, and what stood out to them. It helps me write better stories on the future, and hones how I get my point across. Besides, what is art that doesn't spark innovation and thought? It is forgotten.

The strongest hate is born of love—misguided though it may be—and this person has made that clear. Obviously they care about this fandom or they never would have commented like this. But if they knew more about people and less about what they want everyone to give them, maybe the spaces around them would be safer for the people in their lives—or the people they brush against online.

Comments like this often make people not want to write their fic.

Thankfully, I'm actually am in it for the art, so they might be going out of their way to make the lives of everyone around them miserable, but they haven't achieved their goal here.

However, there are a lot of writers who critically need feedback; who need this positive reinforcement. It's also why it's so important to tell writers why you enjoy their work. Even if it's something small like "I like your word choice" or "I really liked this line" or "I can't wait to find out how they resolve this"—that's feedback more valuable than we can really quantify.

"I like your word choice."—The way you pay attention to the words you use is working with the tone.

"I really like this line."—The way this line is formatted is very memorable and hits better than the others. It may be good to pay attention to it to find out why.

"I can't wait to find out how they resolve this."—You have gotten a good grade in suspense, a thing that is possible and reasonable to achieve (or however that meme goes).

I am constantly learning. I am constantly growing and changing as a person and a writer, and other people are critical to this. Sitting in a room and shouting will not make you better at making jokes, and shoving your writing in a corner never to see the light of day will never give you the tools to communicate with other people.

Sometimes I feel like people like this *points to the top of the page* don't want to learn that lesson, because of the painful reckoning with their actions it will entail.

If this is you, or you have done something similar, I recommend going through, finding your old comments, and deleting them yourself, or even apologizing if you can. Clean up your own mess, so people like me don't have to do it for you. This is a public space. Act like it.

[crushculture03]

Knight In shining armor AU

Summary : Your father, the king, is a cruel man forcing you into a loveless marriage. But soon you meet his head knight and fall madly in love even though your love is strictly forbidden and can have dire consequences

Pairing : Knight! Matty x Princess! Reader

Warnings : Medieval times, poorly written smut, parental abuse, talks of torture and execution, pregnancy, mom running away, shitty father, Love at first sight troupe. Use of Matthew instead of Matty

Notes: This is an AU of the first ‘Knight in shining armor” except this one is more dark and intense than the last. Again it being medieval times, is the reason their relationship moves so fast bc people got married after like a day. Also they sound proper here so some of the dialogue may sound funny since there’s not a lot of contractions.

For your entire life all you have known was the cold cobblestone walls of the castle, you were never allowed to go out into the village or do anything that didn't have to do with the royal life. Your father, the king, was a cruel man who ruled the land with an iron fist, everyone of his subjects were afraid to cross his path, in-fear that if they as much as breathed in his direction that he would sentence them to death. You being the only heir to the throne was something he despised, he always wanted a son and you knew it, because he would always remind you how weak of a queen you would be and if he had a son he would be a powerful ruler just like him.

You so desperately wanted to escape the royal life, but your father kept you locked away and guarded at all times to ensure you wouldn't run like your mother had when you were just a little girl. He blamed you for her leaving, saying that if you would have been a son instead he would've loved her more and she wouldn't have left. Your only escape from your fathers wrathe and the miserable confines of the castle, was when you were allowed to go out in the garden, under intense supervision of course, but just being outside around the flowers made you feel better and made life seem less miserable.

Your father had called you into his chambers that morning to talk, you didn't know what about but sensed it was probably not going to be something good. With shaky hands, you opened the heavy wooden doors that led to his room. "Good Morning Father" you say, keeping your distance from him, "Y/N, take a seat" he demanded as he sat down on his favorite velvet couch. You quickly rushed over and took the seat across from him, "Y/N I called you here to tell you that you are to be wed to the Prince of Godwick" he says, your face falls, you always knew an arranged marriage was in your future, you just hoped you would have been able to escape before the time came.

"But father does he not have a wife already?" you ask, "He does but she is not able to have children so he needs a new one who can" he responded. "But hes 10 years older than me father, please don't do this" you plead, hoping by some miracle he will have a change of heart on the situation. All hope for that is thrown out the window when you feel a harsh slap on your cheek, "You stupid girl how dare you question me, you will marry him and that's an order you hear me?" he shouts, "Yes father" you say, hanging your head in defeat. "Good now get out of my sight" he demands, grabbing you from the chair and pushing you out the door, before slamming it in your face.

Tears flow down your cheeks as you run to the only safe space you know, the garden, luckily you had managed to avoid all the guards, so you were able to cry without your behavior being reported back to your father. "Oh mother I wish you were here" you sob as you cradle your head in your hands.

"Excuse me are you alright?" a voice says, you quickly look up at the person and wipe your tears with your sleeve. "Who are you" you ask, the man infront of you didn't look like any of the guards your father usually had following you. "I'm Sir Matthew" he says, as he takes a seat next to you on the bench, "Ah My fathers top knight" you scoff, not wanting to even look at him. "That is true, but if you are worried I am going to tell him about you being here alone and crying, then you are wrong, I see the way he treats you, no one should ever treat a lady like that" the knight says, this causes you to turn and face him "My father talks of you alot, I am not sure why I have never seen you though" you say, "That is probably because that awful man keeps you locked away from everyone but those grimy guards and maids that are assigned to you" Matthew says, it catches you off guard when you hear him insult your father.

"You know you could be killed for saying such things" you state, "I know Princess, but are you really going to sit here and tell me I am wrong for saying them?" he asks. You sigh, "No, it is kind of refreshing to hear someone call him a monster, because that's what he is, a heartless man who cares about no one but himself, I hate him" you say, "I do not blame you" he says. You take a minute to respond back, taking the time to study his appearance, he didn't look like the other knights, he was younger with beautiful chocolate curls that fell on his forehead perfectly, and warm brown eyes that made you feel safe just looking at them.

"My father is forcing me to marry the Prince of Godwick, says the prince needs a new wife who can have children" you say, "That fool? He is atleast 10 years older than you" he scoffs, "I have no other choice Matthew I have to marry him" you sigh, as tears pour down your face once more. The knight moves closer to you, and gently wipes your tears away with his thumb, you never knew someone in your fathers court could be so nice, so sweet, so loving. "I-" but before you can finish you hear your name being called in the distance, "Thank you Matthew" you say, before placing a quick kiss on his cheek and running off into the direction of the voice.

"What is it Fredrick" you spit, "You know you are not supposed to be out here by yourself" the guard says as he grabs your arm harshly and tugs you back into the castle. "Your father wants you back in your room until the prince comes" the guard says as he pulls you in the direction of your room. "And when is that?" you ask, dreading the answer, "In a month, so be a good princess and stay there got it?" he demands as he swings open your door and shoves you inside quickly, before slamming the wood in your face and locking it. You want to scream, but know if you do your father will come and beat you for making such a sound.

As you lay on your bed staring at the ceiling, contemplating what to do about the current situation, your thoughts couldn't help but drift to Matthew, the kind knight who had stopped to comfort you. He was the only person, besides your mother, who had shown you any sort of humanity. You couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to run your fingers through his soft curls, and what his lips might feel like against yours, you found yourself longing for him, even though you had just met him.

Your thoughts of the knight were interrupted by a loud thump that came from the balcony that was attached to your room. You cautiously made your way over to it and drew back the curtains, revealing the knight who wouldn't leave your mind. "Matthew what are you doing here?" you whisper, quickly pulling him into your room so no one outside will see. "I came to see you princess, you have not left my mind since we met" he said, you blush at his words "I have not stopped thinking of you either" you say as you gently brush a stray curl from his forehead.

He wraps his arms around your waist, quickly pulling you flush to his chest, "Princess" he whispers as his eyes flicker from yours to your lips. You push your lips against his, not being able to wait another minute, the kiss is soft and gentle, everything you expected it to be.  You reluctantly pull away from him, "I-Im sorry I do not know-" you apologize, but matthew quickly pulls your lips back onto his before you can finish your sentence. You wrap your arms around his neck to deepen the kiss, as he slowly walks you backwards to your bed. The back of your legs hit the soft mattress, prompting you to lay down and pull him on top of you.

"Princess" he whispers, "I- we can't" he stutters, "Please matthew for one night I just want to feel special, I want to be with someone I care for first before being sentenced to a life time of loveless sex" you plead as you tug on his linen shirt. "Darling" he whispers, "Please just for tonight I want to forget everything, Matthew please" you beg, "Princess, I care for you a great deal, and I want this, you have no idea how bad I want this, but aren't you worried?" he asks, "If he finds out then atleast I know my last night was spent with someone I love" you say, as your hand goes to cup his cheek.

Matthew instantly captures your lips with his, slowly bringing his hands to the sleeves of your silk night gown, "You sure princess?" he asks before moving foreward, "I'm sure matthew" you say back as you sit up and slowly pull your night gown over your head, revealing your naked figure. Matthew looks at you in awe, "You're so beautiful" he whispers, you blush at his comment, "Your turn Matthew" you say, he quickly pulls off his tunic and pants leaving him only in his underwear. You pull him back on top of you, quickly connecting your lips once again, his hands travel slowly down your body, landing on your hips. He gently sprends your legs apart as he pulls off his underwear, throwing them somewhere in your room. "I love you y/n" he whispers, before slowly pushing himself into you, you gasp at the new feeling but quickly welcome it. "Can I move my love?" he asks, you nod your head 'yes' in response and slowly he starts thrust in and out of you. You moan softly at the feeling of him filling you up, quickly wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling his lips onto yours. You pushed your hips up to meet his, which cause him to go even deeper. "Mm matthew" you moan as he hits your sweet spot, "doing so good princess" he praises as he places feather light kisses to your neck. In that moment you had never felt more loved, you wish it never had to end, that you could be with him instead of being forced to marry that prince.

But any negative thoughts that may have been in your mind faded away when you looked up at him, his curls were falling messily on his forehead and his eyes held so much love in them. "What are you thinking about my love" he asks, snapping you out of your thoughts, "You" you smile.

After a few minutes you feel the tension in your stomach about to boil over "m' close darling" you say, "Me too love" he responds back and speeds up his thrusts, trying to lead you to your release. Your high hits you all at once, making your eyes flutter close as you take in the euphoria of the moment, you feel a sudden warmth spread in your abdomen as matthew releases inside of you. "Matthew" you whisper as your eyes flutter open, "Yes my love" he smiles, "Thank you for making me feel loved for the first time in my life" you say, "If I can I plan to make you feel loved for the rest of your life princess" he states, gently placing a kiss on your check before carefully pulling out of you and laying in the empty spot next to you.

"I wish that could happen" you mumble, "Who says it can't, run away with me princess" he says as he pulls you into his arms. "Matthew, I would love to but my father he would never stop looking for us, it is not safe" you frown, he sighs knowing you have a point, "Just hold me tonight and we will worry about the future tomorrow" you say, "Ok my love, goodnight" he says, before kissing your bare shoulder and closing his eyes, both of you slowly drifting off to sleep.

"WAKE UP" a voice screams, causing you to jolt awake, quickly covering your bare figure with your bedsheet, you turn to look at Matthew, but notice he's not there next to you. "So you think its ok to whore around with my knights!" your father yells, "Father where's Matthew!" you scream back, worried about the fate of your lover. The king chuckles, "Oh princess I am afraid you will never be seeing him ever again, he is set to be executed in 2 weeks, and you are to be married in a month" your dad smiles as he delivers the news.

Tears well up in your eyes as you hear the fate of Matthew, "Father please he did not do anything wrong, punish me instead it's all my fault not his" you plead. "Oh shut up you stupid girl" he screams, "You are to not leave this room until the prince arrives" he finishes, before turning around and walking out the door, slamming it shut. You cradle your head in your hands as you sob, you wish this was all just one big nightmare and you would wake up any minute still cradled in the knights arms.

A week has passed since you have last seen the knight, your heart longs to be with him, every night you lay awake worried about what horrors he has had to endure because of you. Sometimes Fredrick would taunt you through the door, telling you every detail of how your love was being torture, he'd find some sick pleasure in hearing you sob after every detail.

One night you are able to make a brave escape down your balcony, fortunately for you most of the guards were passed out drunk from the celebration that was thrown earlier in the evening. 

You quietly make your way to the dungeons of the castle, making sure to tip toe around the passed out guard and carefully steal the keys. You quickly searched all the cells until you saw him, he was badly beaten and curled up on the floor, your heart broke at the sight and longed to be next to him once more. You quickly hurry to unlock the cell, making sure to be as quiet as possible as to not awake the guard. Once the door is open, you quickly rush to him, kneeling down beside him and gently stroking his hair. Matthew stirs at your touch and slowly opens his eyes, "Princess" he whispers, "Matthew" you whisper back, tears pour from your eyes faster as you see his bruised face. You gently pull him into your arms as the two of you weep together, "I'm so sorry this is all my fault" you mumble as you hold him close, "Don't say that darling please" he begs as he continues to cry into your chest. You kiss his forehead as you rock him back and forth, trying to soothe not only him but yourself as well. "I love you" you say as you look down at him, he looks up to meet your eyes and smiles "I love you too" he responds and with all his strength he pulls himself up and kisses you.

"I wish this wasn't how it had to end, I wish we could run away together, if I knew he wouldn't come after us I would have gone" you state, "Shh darling, its ok, we will meet again in the after life, I'll be waiting for you" he says, "No its not fair, if hes going to kill you, he might as well kill me too, because I do not wish to live if its not with you" you respond, as you lean your forehead against his, never wanting to leave his warmth again. "Please go on living for me darling, know I will be watching over you where ever you may go" he says, as tears pour down his face even faster. "Matthew" you sob, pulling him even closer to your body, "Shh princess it'll be alright I promise" he says, trying to console you.

You two stay in eachothers company until you begin to see dawn arrive, "Until we meet again my love" he says, kissing you one last time, "I love you forever and always matthew" you say back. You reluctantly get up from the floor and make your way to the cell door, you see him blow you a kiss before you close the door and lock it. You carefully place the keys back near the guard and make your way back to your room. Once you get back into your room you curl up on your bed and sob, wishing this cruel world would take you instead of him.

You continued to sneak out whenever you could to see Matthew, always bringing him extra food and cleaning his wounds, you needed to spend as much time with him as you could before your path together came to an end.

Unfortunately the day you had been dreading came, the day of his execution, and your father being the cruel man he was forced you to be there. You felt sick to your stomach as soon as you woke up that morning, a normal occurrence for you in the past week, you thought it was nerves but quickly realized it could be something else. Realizing maybe this could be the thing to save Matthew from damnation, you quickly shouted for Frederick to bring you your chamber maid, which after a while he finally did.

"Princess is everything ok? You look very pale" Penny, your maid said, "I think I might be pregnant" you spit out, knowing time was slowly running out for your lover. "Oh I see, Princess can I be honest with you" she asks, you nod your head, "Are you just saying that, because you know that if you are then your father will not execute matthew?" the women asks, her eyes filled with pity. "No I truthfully believe it penny, now please can we just do those weird tests, i've been drinking water all morning so I'm ready, please his clock is running out I need to find out now" you plead. Penny nods her head and proceeds to help you with finding out if you are with child or not. You are shocked at the results and know you need to hurry and tell your father before its too late.

But before you are able too even ask Frederick, he interrupts and says its time for the execution. He harshly pulls you out of your room and to the execution chamber. When you arrive you see Matthew, a hood over his head as he stands chained infront of your father.

"Ah y/n I'm happy you will be here to witness this" your father says, an evil grin spreading on his face. You see a gurad rip off matthews hood, his eyes meet yours as he mouths one last 'I love you' before being forced to kneel before the excutioner. "Sir Matthew You have been sentenced to death for treason, you betrayed my trust by being with my daughter, for that you must die" your father says. "Father No please" you beg, the king laughs and looks over to your weeping frame, "Why shouldn't I?" he asks, "Because I am Pregnant!" you shout, his face drops at your news. "Pregnant? You stupid child" he groans, and waves the executioner off, "Yes I'm pregnant and matthews the father, so you can't kill him father please" you beg.

Matthew looks up at you from where he kneels, and smiles at the news of the baby. "I will let him live, on one condition, both of you leave this kingdom at once and never return" he says, and for once in your life you see your dad show humanity. "Thank you father!" you say, quickly rushing to matthew and pulling him up and into a hug. "Do not thank me, just leave!" he shouts, turning on his heel and walking out of the door.

"You're pregnant" Matthew smiles, happy tears brimming at his eyes, "Yes, I just found out today" you respond, mirroring his expression. "Lets get out of here" you say, grabbing his hand and rushing back to your room, grabbing some clothes before you two run as far away from the castle as possible.

1 year later..

It had now been one year since you had left the royal life behind, You and Matthew were able to find refuge in a small village just outside the kingdom. After many long days of working tirelessly, you both were able to get your own cottage just in time for the birth of your daughter, Matilda Healy, you two absolutely adored your baby girl, to you both she was a sign of hope, after all she is the reason Matthew is still alive. And for the first time in your life, you were genuinely happy, you had a husband who loved you and a beautiful daughter, life couldn't have been better.

[sexyfoxlady]

First Time 💕

Satoru Gojo x Reader (angst/FLUFF)

⚠️ Warning ⚠️ angst, sexual talk, cursing, virginity lost(2), feeling of abandonment,miscommunication,misunderstanding

(let me know if I missed anything)

.............................................................

The morning sun breaks through your curtains waking you up from your once deep peaceful sleep, groaning in annoyance in the process of reaching out to try and find your boyfriend Satoru Gojo but finds nothing but open space, confuse you sit up to inspect his side to see if you were just barely missing him or something but yet again you find his spot empty with no Gojo, automatically fearing the worst as your mind mindlessly goes through different scenarios why he would leave not one scenario why he WOULDN'T leave,you could feel tears forming at the edge of your eyelashes about to fall down your cheeks silently scolding yourself for not listening to the people that would constantly say and make it their personal mission to tell you why Satoru Gojo would never stay with you long and why once he's done getting whatever he can out of your guys relationship he'll leave but you didn't want to believe that, you believed Gojo wanted this relationship like you did that's why you gave him EVERYTHING last night but maybe it was just you who wanted this relationship and now his 'mission' is done, you try to convince yourself that isn't your Sato your describing because you boyfriend wouldn't just leave you after last night, right?

You found a way to calm yourself down just enough to see if you were just freaking out for nothing and to prove your mind wrong, you look to Gojo's side of the bed ready to push your hands on his side, fuck... His side is barely warm, he's been gone for a while then, realizing that causes your tears to start back up again and this time you allow yourself to cry only for a few moments though before realizing your stronger then this and that your not going to cry over someone who obviously didn't care enough about yours relationship so why should you

You collect yourself before going into the bathroom to freshen up, looking at yourself in the mirror you can see your hair disheveled ,eyes red and puffy from crying and the straw that broke the camels back was seeing yourself in Satoru Gojo shirt a t-shirt with a old movie poster design on the front making you I want to crawl into yourself more but instead you get the t-shirt off of you as fast as you can, throwing it across the bathroom watching it land on the floor

Looking back at yourself in the mirror you wish you kept the shirt on because you wouldn't be looking at your marked up breasts and neck, another reminder of what you gave Gojo last night

When you finally got out of the shower you felt like going back to sleep you wanted your mind to stop blaming you for Sato leaving, to stop reminding you that YOU were the one that TRUSTED him

Leaving the bathroom and walking back into your bedroom you notice how quiet it is without you boyfriend around, you grab a pair of panties and a new t-shirt to wear that isn't Sato to head downstairs to hopefully drown yourself with cereal and milk

Walking down the stairs and into the kitchen you don't notice Satoru Gojo standing in your kitchen by the oven making you and himself breakfast which only consists of scrambled eggs and toasted eggo waffles, to in your head to notice Sato turning around to watch you with love/adornance in his baby blue eyes as you went into the cabinets to grab a box of cereal clearly confused considering he's cooking for you right now

"Hey what are you doing, I'm making you something to eat?" Gojo asked with amusement in his voice not quite understanding what his girlfriend is doing

You don't respond to your boyfriend not hearing his question or noticing his presence, if you were looking at him you would see confusion written all over his face and a little bit of hurt when looking at your frame you're not wearing his t-shirt anymore but one of your owns

Did you not have a good time last night? Did he do something wrong? Are you mad at him?

He watches as you walk to the fridge next, to grab the milk he assumes, you still don't take notice of your shirtless sweatpants wearing boyfriend making scrambled eggs watching you

Walking over to where you are at the fridge Gojo picks up a loose piece of hair that fell in front of your face to tuck it back behind your ear

"Is everything ok sweetheart?" Asked your boyfriend Satoru Gojo the same boyfriend that inst here

When you looked at him you were in shock

"Sato? What are you doing here?"

"What? What am I doing here baby I slept over last night remember?" Now seeing the confusion on his face

"You okay? It looks like you've been crying" Gojo asks gently cupping your face to inspect it before he can ask anything else and before you can even say anything to him you wrapped your arms around him tightly burying your face in his shirtless chest and cried you can feel him start to panic not understanding the reason for your tears

"Hey hey shhhh it's ok I'm here what's wrong" Gojo tries to soothe you into calming down while rubbing circles on your back with his open palm, it takes a few minutes for you to calm down again before finally explaining to your boyfriend your tears

"I-I um thought you left" you admit barely above a whisper

"And why would I have done that?" he asks while continuing to rub his palm on your back

"Because you got what you wanted..." You meekly spoke

"And what's that?"

"My virginity" you buried your face deeper into Gojo's chest in embarrassment

"Well does that mean you're going to leave me then" Gojo asked with a hint of amusement in his voice

"Huh why would I leave you that makes no sense" removing your face from his chest to look in his eyes

"What so only I leave when I take your virginity but you take mine and get to stay, That's a double standard baby" you laughed in Gojo's gorgeous face

"What are you talking about you're not a virgin"

"Well yeah not after last night and you're not too" chuckling at your flustered face because of the mention of last night

"You never told me that" trying to think of a time when THE Satoru Gojo told you he was a virgin

"Well I'm telling you now, so do you want to tell me why you thought I would just leave you after you trusted me"

"Your side of the bed was empty so I assume the worst..." You confess feeling guilty for not believing in your boyfriend

"I'm sorry Sato" you apologize

"Hey it's ok" Gojo assures you with a kiss on the forehead

"No it's not I should have had more trust in you and know you would NEVER do something like that to me" squeezing him a little tighter to emphasize how sorry you were

You guys stay in each other's arms for a few minutes longer before lifting your head off of his chest and asking

"Why were you still a virgin, you?" Still amazed to find out that your boyfriend was a virgin before last night

"Ouch Sweetheart you wound me"

"I'm not trying to call you a man whore I'm just confused, you could have anyone you wanted and you still waited, why?" Rephrasing the question

"Well you know how you waited for the right person that's what I was doing I was waiting for the right person, you, you know my line of work is very dangerous and it's even more dangerous trusting someone, that's why I waited"

"Well I'm glad you trusted me" laying your head back on his chest

"Me too, I love you" putting his head on top of yours after kissing the top of it

"I love you too"

(I DONT OWN THE ART WORK)

[notquiteaghost]

i have a disease where seeing fun jokey fan content abt smth canonically tragic just makes me think abt the canonical tragedy even more. this post is about post-order 66 commander cody working closely with darth vader

because, yeah, okay, lot of comedic potential inherent in that dynamic. but personally i can't think about vader for more than three seconds without starting to want to rend my clothes and wail, so, in that vein,

one of the Things about post-order 66 cody is, like. [bucky barnes voice] but i did it. as far as he knows he DID kill obi-wan! he did that! and even if he learns he didn't actually order the killing blow, he did still order the killing blow. whether or not obi-wan is still, technically, alive doesn't negate that order 66 killed him. post-rots obi-wan is a dead man walking, a ghost in the sense of that siken quote; a ghost is something dead that doesn't know it's dead.

and one of the other things is. cody, during the clone wars, is a man with absolutely no meaningful agency and no good choices trying to do the best he can. and then it turns out his best was functionally meaningless, it turns out even when he thought he was managing to defy his explicitly-given purpose he was actually playing right into the hands of it, nothing he has ever done has meant anything good. it's a very fundamental part of the story of star wars, imo, that almost no one involved in the defeat of the empire was there for the birth of it. the specific way sidious won is so insanely demoralising. you thought you were doing good! you were sure! (you told yourself you were sure!) how can you ever be sure again!

so. all my love to stories about cody defecting, but my go-to interpretation is. he stays with the empire, until it kills him too, because it is so incredibly easy to continue as you were. leaving would be a decision. leaving would mean he is capable of deciding not to follow bad orders, and then why didn't he do it sooner. there is no space left in him for agency, even if the chip does allow for some, because if he has no agency it wasn't his fault. and if it wasn't his fault he can get out of bed and try to mitigate damage where he can.

(or not even that. i do like the idea that the chips aren't straight-up overwriting personhood so much as making personhood deeply unappealing. what good has personhood ever done you. all that effort and for what? you're still here. isn't it easier just to follow orders.

like i don't think pre-tcw / pre-chips works treated the clone troopers with much respect but there is something There re: agency & following bad orders & how real non-mind-controlled people do terrible things for no good reason all the time. cartoon network show, not going to do moral complexity, anyway i'm getting off topic)

so!!! speaking of guys who fucked up and now can't acknowledge they fucked up or their whole everything will crumble out from under them like so much sand!!!!

vader is also a guy with a chronic lack of agency who was manipulated into horrible acts and has now sunk cost fallacy'd himself into continuing to do more horrible acts forever. this isn't me being an apologist (it lied), this is the point of vader's character. you CAN, at any time, choose to be better! vader didn't, though. vader didn't for twenty years, because, again, the thing about choosing to be better is it's hard. it means you weren't doing good before. it means you cannot just mindlessly follow someone else, it means you have to think and make choices and take action.

it says a lot about vader that he only turned back to the light at the end. it's a lot easier to throw the last twenty years of your life away when you've only got to reckon with having done it for, like, five minutes. vader is a cautionary tale about the slippery slope of refusing to reckon with what you've done.

so. putting vader & cody in the same room...... two guys blaming themselves for killing obi-wan kenobi (the republic) while actively working for the guy who actually killed obi-wan kenobi and also so many others (the republic). and i don't think they would ever talk about that. i don't think they'd ever talk about anything, i do not think you can lean that far into being someone else's tool and remain capable of talking about yourself. but there sure is an elephant in that room with them, huh. it sure is holding a lightsaber and wearing a robe and very, very dead.

[cosmics-beings]

to me at least it's always interesting seeing people condemn megatron for starting his revolt, especially when looking at tfp or idw megatron. while i really can't excuse the shitfire the deception movement became, people getting mad at him or not really understanding why megatron snapped or why he was angry at opitmus in prime for getting the primeship or why he went violent in idw...it just shows that a lot of people don't understand a) that he was a slave and b.) revolutions aren't really won peacefully.

but going back to point a.), especially in prime, the alternative for megatron was either fighting in the gladiatorial pit until he was eventually killed, or going back to slavery. while he did get his glory in the rings of kaon, there was still very much a dynamic of, he had to do this, and eventually die doing it and before that, he was a miner, a slave.

when megatron invited optimus into his space and taught him, he was very vulnerable and allowed an outsider, someone who had privilege over him, to be in his circle and to be close to him. someone who understood the oppression he faced by the primes and by the caste system, someone who was still privileged, but someone who he trusted. and someone who also knew what he had to lose if he didn't win his revolution, or if he wasn't given the position of the prime. and more importantly, megtaron assumed that optimus was someone who understood that peaceful protests and activism weren't going to work for someone like him, a slave. so mind you, when it came down to it, and opitmus was seen as the better candidate for a prime simply because he was peaceful and megatron wasn't...well...shit i'd lost my shit too. because again, the alternatives for megatron in his mind, if he did not become a prime, were slavery - whether a miner or gladiator. optimus had nothing to lose, no stakes in the same way megatron did.

so of course he snapped, of course he went evil. people try to frame it as "he started getting violent because he was upset that optimus got what he wanted' and no that wasn't the case at all. it was far more than it being something he wanted, it was something he needed. something that was going to grant him freedom and happiness and the ability to make a difference. mind you, i'd snap too.

idw is similiar. he had to make a revolt, he was a slave. he had tried peace and it didn't work, in fact whirl beat the shit out of him for being peaceful and that radicalized him. but then people feel bad for whirl

it's always interesting to me, to see fans tend to brush over why he did what he did, or call him selfish or stupid and not realizing that his freedom and bodily autonomy was on the line. this is REALLY shown in IDW.

in idw if he was caught and if he wasn't executed or imprisoned, they'd probably fuck with his mind to make him a slave again.

i say as I'm writing a fic with this premise and he is eventually broken out of that and given help and support by people he loves and the revolution is started differently

anyway, this isn't an excuse for how he completely falls off later. he becomes a tyrant, a facists, and oppressor he becomes everything he hated if not worse, much worse. and he needs to be stopped. he doesn't care about the war, that much is extremely clear in both idw and tfp. he only cares about getting to optimus, making him hurt, making him hate/blame himself, killing those close to optimus and continuously ruining his life. in idw CLEARLY he changes and becomes a good person. in tfp...eh...

but my point is, i don't think people really understand that his bodily autonomy and rights were on the line.

do i think some stuff can be said about how harmful the oppressed oppressor narrative is, yes, but that's not for this post.