#i don't know not a full thought but that's why someone else should write it

[werewolfsister]

PSA: COMIC DRAMA

I've been slowly receiving critical, entitled, and passive-aggressive messages about the way I've been writing my comic! I wanted to address this behavior.

That being said, the majority of my readers have been nothing but positive! And when they spot a problem, they're kind about it. I really appreciate this; thank you to those who choose to be civil.

I'm making this post to address some issues, complaints, and questions I've seen. Let's take a look & see what we can discuss!

READ MORE UNDER THE CUT!

🦈-> I want you to use my character in your comic, but you're not using them! Sometimes, a character doesn't quite fit my vision for the comic-- even when they're designs that I love! I really do try to use as many people's characters as possible. I think it adds to the world & makes the comic feel more full of life! But I can't accommodate everyone's desires.

🐟->You're using my character in your comic, but you're not giving them enough screen time! Similar to the above issue, sometimes I don't think focusing on a particular character for any longer will serve the story well. Ultimately, I have final say on what happens in the comic. My advice is, if you feel your character isn't appearing enough, make your own content! Draw, write, craft, etc like I mention farther down below!

🐠->You said you were going to use my diplomat/character(s), but you only drew them in 1-2 panels. Why aren't you using them more? Similar to the points above! I was never planning on going into a TON of depth with the diplomats-- the comic focus also drastically changed, as I mention below.

🐡->You're using characters in the story that I don't like! Ahh that is too bad, but! In that case, you can always take a break from the comic & come back later to check if the characters are no longer being used, or maybe stop reading the comic altogether. However! If you have concerns with how the character is portrayed because of legitimate sexual/violence/illicit/illegal issues, then that's another issue entirely and you should let me know.

🪼->I thought this story was about rescuing Kenne, but now she's not even in the comic! I don't like the way this story is going! This is a big issue some people are having and I completely understand. There's been a lot of things going on behind the scenes that I haven't explained, which must be generating a lot of confusion. Originally, @kenneduck and I were collaborating closely on this comic. Recently, the dynamic shifted, and we're now working on the comic separately. @kenneduck is now responsible for the part of the story that heavily features her characters, i.e. Princess Kenne's perspective of the rescue, her rescue effort, and what's happening in the Domain of the Luminous trench. I am now working on a different angle of the story-- the diplomatic efforts of Zora's Domain in their attempt to negotiate for Princess Kenne's return. So, the story is still the same... the focuses have just changed and split!

🦑->You reblogged my fan art and/or linked it in your comic directory-- does that make my content canon? Oooh, this is actually kind of a tough one! Normally, if something is in the comic directory, I consider it to be canon to the story. So, if you've drawn something, and I add it to my directory for a comic chapter, I'll consider it to have happened in real time. THERE'S AN EXCEPTION! And it may be confusing, so I'm genuinely sorry! If you have drawn something where you are heavily modifying someone else's character--this means cosmetic changes, giving the character children/spouses/family, killing the character, altering their personality-- WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION, then I cannot accept that as canon. It's still fantastic that you drew/wrote/created something and I will probably put it in the MISCELLANEOUS section of the comic directory. I'VE MADE MISTAKES ON THIS! So, I've since updated the directory. And, sorry for all confusion on this issue! If you've made something & intended it to be canon, let's talk about it!

🐳->I want to collaborate with you on your comic, can I do that? That's awesome! Maybe in the future, but right now I'm not taking on any more partners. Maybe you can make your own separate additions, with your character(s) like I mention below!

🐙>I want to make fan art, can I do that? You absolutely can. Go for it. This was originally meant to be a very interactive comic, so draw/write/create away!!!

🦀->I want to draw my character(s) doing something in the world of your comic, can I do that? You absolutely can. Go for it! Like I mentioned above, however, I may or may not deem it canon to the events of the comic. But even if I don't, I'll add it to the MISCELLANEOUS section of my comic directory! ...as long as you don't alterate someone's character without permission! If you've made something & intended it to be canon, let's talk about it!

🐬->I want to make a character based on a Domain you created/idea you drew/etc., can I do that? Of course! Go for it. I love seeing what people make!

I know this is a lot of text, but it's better to be comprehensive! Please, keep in mind, I'm just one hobby artist making a comic for fun, with the spirit of interactivity and collaboration in mind. But it's impossible to keep that spirit going when people feel entitled and demand things of me that I am not obligated to give.

I queue out my pages several weeks in advance with the help of the people I'm working with, so what you see in the comic is the product of a lot of thought and work. You're getting something for free here, y'all. It ain't so serious!!!!

Anyways, thanks for reading this! And for reading the comic! Peace out ✌️

[qvid-pro-qvo]

okay but where is the "natasha is actually a phoenix" au guys? top gun fandom i need it

[medicinemane]

The world is set on prescriptivism and... it doesn't jive with me

[benegesseritofficial]

The effects of face paint on Harrowhark's psyche

I've now cosplayed Gideon Nav 3 times, with my wife along as Harrow every time. Naturally, this has included full face paint for both of us each time and I have some thoughts.

Let me start by asserting that everything Muir writes in TLT about the face paint is accurate. Rubbing off your lips first, smearing into gray where the black and white meet, the way sweat makes it ooze but not run. I can't say if Muir (a known Homestuck) ever cosplayed as a troll, but I'm positive she tested out the practicality of the skull face paint or otherwise has first hand experience with extensive use of grease paint. Also, the way she describes normal people flinching when they see you is spot on.

I've noticed while putting on the make up that once most of my skin is covered, any flesh tones sticking out start to become unsettling. Specifically, the red/pink of the inner mouth and around the eyes jump out upsettingly. Every time I've done skull paint I find myself meticulously trying to patch over these edges of skin, despite knowing that it's inside skin that Shouldn't Have Make Up On It. Once my face is monochrome, I don't want to be able to see a scrap of real human under there. Smiling, or otherwise opening your mouth wide enough to see the pink, looks UNSETTLING. My own skin causes the uncanny valley effect. You see where this is going. In NtN we learn Harrowhark disassociates often enough that Crux isn't surprised or concerned to see "Harrow" insisting she's someone else. Obviously this is due to her schizophrenia, and perhaps trauma besides. But it doesn't account for every aspect of why Harrow's "like that." On her most lucid days Harrow ignores her body to the point of sweating blood and passing out. She goes entire days without eating. She thinks of herself as a skeleton unfortunately covered in flesh. She sleeps in her paint.

All of which is heinous, but that last one has stuck with me. From age 13-18 I barely glanced down while I showered and whatever I saw I basically blocked out. I wore underwear and a bra under my pajamas to sleep every night. I was going through the wrong puberty, "my body was in open rebellion" as I liked to say at the time, and the only way to cope was to bind it down and pretend it wasn't happening. By Gideon's narration in HtN one gets the impression most nuns of the Ninth are putting their paint on after breakfast and taking it off when they get home. It's not even expected the average person wears it every time they leave the house. But Harrow regularly only takes her paint off in order to redo it. I suspect a combination of being the most brainwashed person in her own cult, knowing how she was conceived, and the regular disassociation make it very difficult for Harrow to conceptualize that she actually lives in a body. If she faced that fact head on she'd have to ask why it so often feels someone else is using her body. She'd have to cope with owning this body, being a part of this body, that was bought with the blood of 200 children who should have been her peers and friends. Instead she pretends it's an object on loan from them. And she does it with 10 layers of black petticoats and so much paint she never has to see her own skin.

Which brings me to the final thing I've noticed wearing full face paint. It dehumanizes you to yourself and everyone around you. I couldn't read my own expressions in a mirror. Even people who understood and were delighted with my cosplay were visibly nervous talking to me. You don't look like a person. Studies have shown that faces wearing heavy make up are ranked as harder to read and perceived as less empathetic. It's a particularly insidious trap of patriarchy that many women find self esteem in wearing make up, while that very act makes everyone around them treat them more callously. And, worst of all, if you stop wearing it once you're used to it, your naked face is shocking. You look sick due to your colors being less bold and the normal small flaws of your face appear unbearably ugly. With all this in mind, Harrow has trapped herself in a feedback loop of not being able to witness her own face and becoming more and more disgusted with the flesh and person underneath whenever she has to glance at it.

[thatrandomidiot182]

I'm not great at writing full stories, so if someone wants to take this idea and turn it into a whole fic pls do so. Also, pls pls pls tag me. I'd love to read it!!

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SO, thinking of Velaryon! Reader who is...

The youngest daughter of Rhaenys and Corlys, born around the same time as Jace and Aemond.

Her egg never hatched in the cradle, so it was assumed that she would succeed Corlys as the next Sea Snake and become the Lady of the Tides, seeing as Laenor would become King Consort and Leana was now a Princess.

However, some other factors that need to be taken into account are;

King Viserys sees the birth of a daughter so close to the birth of the two boys as a sign, another reason to further unite the two great houses (especially after the rumors surrounding the dark-haired grandson of his) so he proposes another marriage. This time, the girl is to be raised amongst both boys and allowed to choose between them once they all come of age.

(The reason I didn't mention Baela is bc Viserys atp wouldn't be that into marrying his line into Daemons line lol.)

Corlys is salty and refutes at first, bc look at how Rhaenyra and Laenors marriage is going, not to mention Daemon and Laena. Rhaenys, on the other hand, convinces him to agree because either way, their daughter ends up a princess, or even better, a queen.

AND

Corlys ain't into the matriarch idea.

AND

Laenor is currently his direct heir, so logically, his son would be the next Lord of Driftmark.

So, Corlys holds off on naming her heir for as long as he possibly can.

This is where things begin to go downhill...

Naturally, the three kids all grow up amongst each other, all of them being told that at one point, Reader would marry one of the boys and either rule driftmark or become queen.

This feeds into the animosity between Rhaenyra and Alicent and, in turn, Aemond and Jace.

Rhaenyra is urging Jace to bond with Reader to 'save her' from the Hightowers clutches. Not to mention how much she admires Readers' determination, will, and intelligence. She thinks Reader would be a good queen one day (I HC that she sees herself in Reader lol)

Alicent could honestly care less at the beginning, but as soon as Aemond begins making snide comments about Aegon being king, she begins to urge him to pursue Reader and become the Ruler of Driftmark. A, futile, attempt to turn his attention away from the iron throne, seeing as he always had the intention to marry Reader, with or without his mothers interference.

Both boys, therefore, form some sort of affection for Reader.

Jace is indifferent at first. He believes the reader is pretty and admires her intelligence and wit but does not particularly enjoy the thought of being forced into a marriage.

Eventually, these feelings change, and he becomes devoted. He completely adores her, as does the rest of his family. He idolizes her, worships her, and is now vying for her love and affection just as much as Aemond. He knows the moment he spoke his wish for her hand, it would be his, being the Kings favorite did have perks, but he would rather wait for her to return the feelings. He would hate nothing more than her being miserable in an arranged marriage with him.

Aemond, however, is immediately infatuated. Neither of them have dragons, so it must be fate! He always follows her around like a puppy, and they often study together. Wherever she goes, Aemond follows. Seeing as Reader spends most of her time preparing for her, inevitable, rise to power, Aemond also begins to learn the ways of the court and how royalty should behave.

As they grow and time passes, his pure childhood love and adoration festers into obsession and, much like Jace, utter devotion.

He believes that Reader belongs to him, just as he belongs to her. Why else would the gods bind them in such a way? He believes that the reason they don't have dragons is because they were meant for something greater than dragonriding! They were meant to rule, conquer the nobles, and charm the smallfolk. They were meant to bring about a new era of Targaryens, ones who were more than powerful enough without dragons.

(Yeah. He's like double the psycho he is in the show lol.)

That's how the boys feel about everything, Now let's take a glimpse into Readers mind...

Now, her whole life, Reader is constantly being told by everyone,

"You're going to be a great Sea Snake, just like your father!"

"You'll make a fine Queen one day, better than any we've had in ages, I reckon!"

"You and the Prince (either one lol) make such a handsome couple, I'm sure your children will be very blessed with looks!"

In her youth, when she's innocent and naive, (until she's abt 6) she's just confused. She's her fathers heir, isn't she? Why isn't she titled yet? Why does she have to marry one of her snot nosed nephew/cousin in order to gain one?? (As if she's also not a snot nosed brat at the time lol)

She doesn't question her parents because she trusts them, and believes that maybe she's not old enough, or trained enough, and therefore dedicated the rest of her spare time to studying, training and practicing.

And then Laena dies.

The Driftmark incident happens, but the only reason Aemond claimed Vhaegar was because Reader was trying to claim her, and he followed her and was just there for emotional support.

After Aemonds eye was cut, Reader distances herself from both boys.

She feels guilty about Aemond losing his eye.

She resents Lucerys and, by extension, Jace, as she believes it was a completely unacceptable reaction on their part.

Rhaenys and Corlys are PISSED.

"What were you thinking!?"

"You knew Rhaena was supposed to claim her!"

Reader is also big mad.

"Leana was my sister, I had just as much of a claim to Vhaegar as Rhaena!"

"Why must I be the one with nothing!? No title, no land, no dragon, NOT EVEN A SHIP!!"

Rhaenys explains that they were just waiting for the right moment, between Laenas passing and Corlys' declining health. (Excuses lol)

Aka, she's trying to convince Corlys to wait and see who Reader decides to marry before naming an heir.

Corlys, on the other hand, is fine with waiting bc being forced to choose between a bastard and a hightower as the heir to driftmark is agonizing. (He's legit considering Vaemond atp)

Anyways after that, everyone kind of splits up.

Jace goes with his mom to Dragonstone.

Reader doesn't see him again until his blood is being questioned, but does write to him after he persistently apologizes.

Reader stays at driftmark and begins to learn how to sail and command a fleet.

(The only reason Corlys agrees is bc he wants to quiet the rumors of why he hasn't named her as his heir yet.)

Aemond stays in kings landing, and the two reconcile only because he broke down and begged her not to hate him for being deformed, and she couldn't handle him thinking she'd toss him aside for that. (By letter ofc)

Then Laenor 'dies.'

Everyone is upset, distraught, mourning, you get the gist.

Reader, however upset she may or may not be, is also ecstatic.

She sees this as another chance.

A chance for her to finally get a dragon.

A chance for her to prove herself to her father and finally be named his heir!!

After all, no one else is in her way anymore... (so she thinks)

So, once again, while everyone is busy at the funeral, Reader sneaks off to claim Seasmoke.

Alone, this time.

However, that doesn't work (bc he's not dead lol) so she completely breaks down.

Everyone thinks it's bc both her siblings just died but it's actually because she feels worthless and pathetic.

Existential crisis lol.

Who comforts her? Jace.

They bond over losing Laenor, and Reader has a manic epiphany.

Maybe Aemond was right. Maybe the gods refused to give her a dragon because she was meant for greater things.

After all, Jace was a dragonrider through and through. She knows that he despises his princely duties and would be happy if he could have the title and power of the throne without the politics and mind games.

He would much rather burn and fly than rub shoulders and sign papers.

Then she starts PLOTTING.

If her parents refused to name her heir, even after Laenors death, then she would go above them.

She'd show them she was worthy. She didn't need them anymore.

She didn't want them anymore.

After all, why would she choose to be a Lady when she could be a Queen?

If she marries Jace, she has no doubt that he would allow her to handle everything. He'd be nothing more than the face and name. She'd be the one making the calls.

He'd be the axe, and she'd be the executioner.

She waits to inform everyone of her decision, though, seeing as they are in mourning, lol.

She doesn't even tell Jace, but she does become more affectionate and romantic with him.

Jace is just happy she's finally giving him attention and spending time with him (poor bby).

Aemonds too busy plotting how him and Reader are going to usurp the throne to realize she was pulling away from him. (Delulu)

Time passes, Viserys is wilting and the dance is approaching.

Readers making moves to secure her place as Jaces Queen, befriending both the smallfolk and the nobles and shadowing Otto Hightower and Larys Strong as much as possible. (Unlikely friendship lol, they're all ambitious, cunning, and know how to play the long game. Reader admires their ability to manipulate everyone to their advantage, Otto is under the impression she will be his future granddaughter in law, and Larys believes she can benefit him one way or another in the future.)

Alicent and Otto are beginning to groom Aegon to be King.

Rhaenyra marries Daemon and awaits her succession.

Corlys is severely ill and is finally about to name Reader his heir.

Then the gun goes off.

Everyone gathers in kings landing at Vaemonds behest to discuss the legitimacy of Jace and Luke.

(Vaemond and Reader do not get along bc they both think their the rightful heir to the Driftwood throne.)

Reader is a whole badass now. Smart, pretty, strong and manipulative AS FUCK!

She's grown to simultaneously love and despise both her nephew and cousin after everything that has happened.

Regardless, she decides that once the whole legitimacy dispute was settled, she'd announce her choice to everyone present.

That obviously doesn't happen because of Rhaenys announcing Lucerys and Jacaerys' engagements to Rhaena and Baela.

Reader is LIVID.

She's upset, furious, and feels betrayed.

Was all that talk of choice and decisions meaningless?!?

Was all her agony over choosing between the two she loved the most for nothing!?

Nonetheless, she keeps her cool, and her determination never wavers.

After all, Aegon the Conquerer had two wives. Why couldn't Jacaerys? Besides, he loves her, not Baela, he wouldnt give up on their engagement that easily.

She could deal with sharing him, seeing as Baela didn't show any interest in being a ruler at all. Her plans could still work. She just needed to adjust some things first. It might actually benefit her more.

Baela could keep Jace occupied while she did what she wanted.

Yes.

It could still work.

Then, Lucerys is named heir to driftmark.

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divider by: @bucciniexe

I still have wayy more to add to this but I'll post it tomorrow it's currently 6 am and I need to sleep lol

[kissohee]

We had first time with virgen!anton...

Can we have a little shot of their first time having that heating makeout session?? Pls.

virgin!anton x virgin!fem!reader ☆ nsfw ; wc : 992 ☆ one-shot mdni! warnings; anton gets a boner, male masturbation, quite literally uses the same dialogue from the full fic, written in antons pov read full fic here! a/n; sure! i kind of loved writing that small part too sooo ^^

There was nothing Anton loved more than to kiss you. He was sure it was because he was just so in love with you. And although the kisses were very short and sweet, they meant the world to him.

So of course when you're kissing him longer than usual, he swears he could fly. Every time you pull away to get ahold of your breath, he's pulling you back in for more. It was like there were magnets inside your lips that he just couldn't stop attracting to. He knew the kiss got more suggestive when you moved to sit on his lap without pulling apart, your hands moving to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. Your tongue desperate in his mouth, mixing your spit together. His fingers slightly grazing your breasts, but not daring to touch them in case it wasn't what you wanted. He remembers someone mentioning to him about hickies once, and he absolutely loved the idea of his marks on you. So he slowly broke your kiss, leaving pecks down your jaw and onto your neck. You gripped his shoulders as he explored your skin, sucking on spots in hopes to leave a bruise, but not hard enough to hurt you in any way. It wasn't until he felt your grip harden when his lips touched a certain spot, where he softly took the skin between his teeth. The sound that came out of you so melodic to his ears. He needed to hear more of you. His lips traveled down to your chest, focusing on mainly your collarbones. When you said his name, he thought he had gone to far. It wasn't a moan, but more of you genuinely trying to get his attention. He stopped to look at you, your eyes however traveled down to his crotch. Scared to glance at it too, he finally felt it. His cock throbbed against the sweats he was wearing. Fuck. Without thinking, he removed you from his lap, placing his hands on top so you couldn't look anymore. "Oh my god.." Your eyes never leaving the bulge, Anton swears he's gonna faint. "I'm so sorry.." His voice decreasing to a whisper. "Why are you sorry?" Your attempt to not laugh went unnoticed by him, his focus everywhere else. His cheeks flushed "I don't know... It's.." He found himself having trouble forming sentences, "That's so gross of me, I don't know why it.." He was already hooking his legs off your bed, reading to get up and leave. But he felt your arms wrap around him in an attempt to comfort him, "You're a male human," You rest your head on his shoulder, "I don't think it's gross... It happens." That did not comfort him. There were many times in Anton's life where he felt embarrassment, but this one was by far the worst. Neither of you moved, he couldn't move. He felt frozen. He tried making himself feel better by reminding himself that you love him, and you've already expressed that you aren't disgusted. But still, your words don't take him back in time to avoid the situation. Despite the fact that he physically couldn't move, he felt his cock twitch. He should leave and go home, but then that means he'd have to go out in public like this. His desired solution would just be to die. But then at his funeral someone would have to bring up that he 'Died from embarrassment after popping a boner under his girlfriend.' Anton swears he was fighting demons in his head until he decided to just suck it up and jerk one off. "The.. Your.. Bathroom.." He stumbles over his words before leaving your room and heading to your bathroom in a hurry. If he's quick, he could just pretend he really needed to shit.

Leaning against a bare wall, he lowered all articles of clothing between him and his cock, his hand softly tugging on it while he bit on his index finger on his other hand. The feeling of his hand wrapped around his cock had him biting down slightly harder on his finger. His mind wandered back to the situation, to you. How much better you would feel than his hand right now. He tightened his hand to mimic your hand, which was much smaller than his. Was he a terrible person for imagining you, despite the fact that you were dating him? He wasn't sure, and he sure didn't care enough to stop and think. "Anton?" Fuck. "Are you okay?" Fuck fuck fuck. "On-one second!" He heard your footsteps walk back to what he assumed was your room after you acknowledged it. He was too busy to bother with his finger again, so he let quiet moans slip from his mouth. He didn't think they were loud enough for you to hear, especially considering your room wasn't too close to the bathroom. He's never felt so much sensation from his had before, which just drew even more moans from him. He was so close, he could feel it. His head couldn't catch up with his cock, as his cum covered his hand, hips twitching while it was released. He took his lip between his teeth so he could contain any louder moans than he ones he had already let out. When the bathroom finally stopped spinning, he cleaned himself up with urgency. How long has he been in here? He wasn't sure, but what he does know is that it was much longer than he had hoped. He quickly washed his hands, praying to avoid any awkwardness when he opened the door. He found you sitting on your bed, chewing on the sides of your cheeks as your eyes traveled everywhere but on him. "Walls are thin 'Ton..." This was the most humiliating thing that has ever happened to him. There was absolutely no way Anton could ever face you ever again.

this was small and not really detailed but still 😭 - 🐠

[daenysx]

Hey! Id love to request something for Modern!Aemond fluff/ hurt comfort. If you're not interested no worries at all! But maybe something where you're not together but you're also not 'just friends' and reader is kinda insecure bc they don't have a lot of experience with partners and Aemond starts to notice them acting weird and then it goes from there. But yeah idk if this is a good request or not lol, if you don't feel like writing this no worries at all! Love your writing!

thank you so much for requesting!! i hope you like it ♡ requests are open

modern!aemond targaryen x fem!reader, hurt/comfort

"what's wrong?"

sometimes you think aemond has super hero senses, how can he feel your distress when you're standing behind his chair? he can't see you but he somehow knows you are fiddling with your fingers, something eats you up inside.

he turns, still sitting on the chair in his room. he looks up to your face, still questioning what's gotten you so nervous.

"um- nothing's wrong, it's just-"

he holds your hands when he realizes your nails are hard on your skin. he separates them and keeps them in his huge palms on each side. "come on."

you take a breath. "do you remember the guy i told you about last week? he was a friend of-"

"rhaena." he completes. "yes, i remember."

"i was thinking- i don't know it sounds stupid now that i think about it but-" you start. you feel close to aemond, you're not ashamed of telling him a story about other guys. "he was acting like we're flirting you know? he was really nice and- i don't know maybe i was expecting him to ask me out after all that flirt."

your voice feels so small. "what happened?" aemond asks, he sounds like he could kill the guy for upsetting you.

"i saw him kissing a girl today." you say. "i don't know if she's his girlfriend but no matter who she is, it means i was hoping for nothing."

it's just a guy. nothing to be upset over. you're not in love with him, he could kiss anyone he wants. still, this is only a little piece of a bigger disappointment. you think no one will ever want you.

"i'm not sad, but i feel bad." you say. "why is it always someone else?"

aemond looks at your curled lips, he always thought you look cute with the frown. he keeps holding your hands, not quite knowing what to say. he's never been the best person to comfort someone but he cares. he cares about you. he doesn't want you to think you're unworthy of anything, he can see the walls of sadness and disappointment you build in your mind.

you straighten your posture when you see him say nothing. what were you thinking anyway? maybe you're looking for some reassurance from a man you're close to, you think he'll tell you you're pretty and smart, that guy should go to hell for making you feel like this. you close your eyes to take a proper breath, pull your hands back to your sides. aemond has an unreadable expression on his face.

"you know what?" you start, trying for a smile. "forget it. i mean, it doesn't mean anything right? there's nothing we can do."

aemond sees you blushing. "i'm sorry, i was just-"

"it's okay, aemond." you say gently. "i wasn't looking for pity or anything else, i'm sorry for overwhelming you with my insecurity."

you're being too honest. you don't care. it's no secret most of the guys you like don't like you back, even when they do, you don't know how to keep them. you have too little experience, the only guy you feel comfortable around is probably aemond. one of your friends said you look like a couple once and you were so surprised at her words you couldn't look at aemond for a week. you can't bring yourself to have romantic feelings for aemond even though there's a potential. you can't lose him.

"your insecurity?" aemond asks with a disbelieving voice. "i don't understand."

so he wants to hear all of it. he can deal with it then, you don't mind telling him.

"i don't think i'll ever be loved by someone i love. it's just- i'm full of half finished stories about that, i'm so sick of feeling like this." you say, taking another deep breath. "i'm not saying this because i expect anything from you. we're close and- you asked."

aemond's lips part open. you're so clearly blind to yourself, you don't even know how you make people feel. you don't know how pretty he thinks you are, how kind and sweet. he doesn't want to ruin his relationship with you- he doesn't even know what to call this thing between you two. friends? friends who secretly like each other but being too afraid of losing one another because how inexperienced you both are in relationships?

he holds your hand again, squeezes your fingers in an attempt to comfort you just one bit. you let him do that, you close your eyes when he rubs the back of your hand with his thumb. he brings your hand to his lips, brushes a tiny kiss on your skin. is that what affection feels like? you're a stranger but you could love it.

"aemond, what-"

"i know how much you hate being wrong but- you are in fact wrong, sweetheart."

he kisses your hand again, it feels nice. "you think you're unloveable? do you even see yourself?"

you can't help a tear escape. "i'm-"

"no, you don't." he answers his own question. "you don't know how pretty you are. you don't know your effect on people. your effect on me."

you try to pull your hand back. "you don't have to prove anything. i didn't tell all these to get something in return, i don't want your pity."

he is strong as he holds your hand. he looks up to you, gives you a smile. "i'm not pitying you. if there's anyone who needs pity it's me."

he promises himself that he's not gonna ruin anything. he will not mess this up. he can't. aemond targaryen's life is full of ruined relationships and sad stories, he'd be damned if you'd be one of them.

"aemond, we shouldn't-"

"no, i know." he stands up. "i know exactly what you think. i've been thinking the same things since i met you."

you look unsure. this is a dangerous game to play, you don't know if you're brave enough.

"tell me about them." you say, can't control your thoughts or your words. "tell me what we think."

aemond takes a deep breath, he places your hand on his heart. "we both think this is too fucked up. we don't want to lose each other but-"

you look deep into his eye, consequences be damned. "but?"

"we are losing the chance of a perfect pairing." he says with a low voice. "i can be better than all those guys who made you upset. you really don't know how i see you."

it feels exciting, your heartbeat goes into madness. can you let yourself accept buried feelings for him? his look is promising and confident. your brain stops thinking when you rise on your tiptoes to kiss him.

the kiss feels like true insanity. you don't know if you'll feel satisfied or regret what you did minutes later. aemond kisses you back and the clouds of madness disappear. he holds the back of your neck, a possessive kind of touch that you've never felt before.

"we still have a lot to talk about." you say, breaking the kiss.

aemond presses his forehead against yours softly. "i know." he says. "just let me kiss you one more time."

[wonuwrites]

ot13 finding out you didn't bias them prior to dating~

was talking to one of my moots *cough cough* @lavnderwonu *cough cough* like over a month ago and got this idea lmfaoooo. Hope y'all enjoy it. I used this reddit to get the names of their individual fandoms btw.

Warnings: Sulky Seventeen, fluffy, some cussing lmao.

Also adding random songs that I listen to while writing their parts. <3 Also this was randomized. If you want a specific scenario with someone pls lmk

ღ S. Coups -> Wonwoo (Song Note: this song is so Seuncheol coded and it breaks me)

"Babe," you warned your curious boyfriend who just found out that you were a full blown Carat with a bias prior to being with him. He asked who was your bias fully expecting it to be him but that was not the truth. Sure, Seungcheol was one of your bias wreckers but your heart belonged to another member before you both started dating and the thought of admitting that... oh boy. "What, are you telling me that you biased someone else?" Your silence was telling which made him raise an eyebrow. He then would start listing everyone which would make you laugh. When he got to Wonwoo you got a little shy before telling him "it wasn't important." He would scoff and would sit back while shaking his head. "Of course it's Wonwoo..." He then would pull out his phone and then jokingly say, "what a shame I liked him." "what?" "I'm kicking him out of Seventeen because you should be Couprang not Wonwoorideul. It's simple." You knew he was joking but still tried to win him over by saying, "baby I got smarter, I'm Couprang forever. You know this." You then would kiss his face until he started to laugh then playfully wrestle you.

ღ Jeonghan -> Dokyeom (Song Note: Emo Carats where you at!?!?!)

Here's the thing, when Jeonghan found out that you were Kwiyeomdongmoim prior to dating him, he would feel every emotion in the span of 10 seconds. Yet, one of the main ones was pride oddly enough. Seokmin is one of his closest friends and seeing that someone he cares about a lot also cared about one of his closest friends was just precious to him? I don't see him getting jealous at all because this.

ღ Joshua -> Vernon (Song Note: Taemin will always be that bitch and this song is proof.)

Jisoo is a confident fella yeah? Well, he likes to think so. However, his confidence took a hit when you realized that you favored a different American before you both started dating. When you casually told him you were a Dolly prior he would say that it didn't bother him but he'd bring it up in front of Hansol which would just make you all flustered. However, it would backfire at Jisoo when Hansol would clapback and say "isn't that a L for you though, hyung? You weren't even (Y/N)'s first choice." This would give Jisoo the crazy eyes because the audacity.

ღ Jun -> Seungkwan (Song Note: forever one of my favorite Taylor songs <3)

Jun isn't a jealous person really so when he found out that you were a Boosadan he would just smile because Seungkwan deserves support and he was so happy you supported one of his friends he cares a lot about. When you were hanging out the next time with Seungkwan, Jun would mention that you were a Boosadan which you would get embarrassed about bc ??? that was confidential lmao. Seungkwan would then ask you if you were now a Huihui or still a Boosadan. Jun would scoff but then would be taken aback when you said "Still Boosadan bc I doubt you'd expose me like this."

ღ Hoshi -> S Coups (Song Note: ooo this might be a song preference song in future <3)

Just call Soonyoung 'Mr. Pouty Pants' because when he found out that you were Couprang instead of Horangdan he would feel so betrayed. Even if you were to tell him that he was your favorite now it wouldn't matter because Seungcheol was your first. If you were ever all together, he would always put himself in between you and Seungcheol which would make Seungcheol so confused but you couldn't bring yourself to admit why your dork of a boyfriend was acting weird LMAO.

ღ Wonwoo -> Jeonghan (Song Note: the way this song has my whole heart lately.)

To be honest, Wonwoo doesn't really give vibes that he would be jealous as much as other members. Especially if it came to you biasing any of the members except him. End of the day you were dating him and not whoever you liked once upon a time. When he found out you were a Jjongjjongie’s fan prior to dating him, he would find it cute. He didn't blame you on bit. He would humblebrag to Jeonghan in private that his fans were moving on from Jeonghan to him though to tease him tho hahaha.

ღ Woozi -> Joshua (Song Note: Nina Nesbitt will always be that pop girlie that's criminally underrated.)

Oh Jihoon is a lowkey jealous type and I will die on this hill. Like you might not even notice he is jealous most of the time. However, when he found out you were a Joshushushu (is this real Carats bc omg.) he was not as lowkey about it. In fact if you were in a faux fight he might say, "go to Jisoo if you think it would be better." It would make you laugh and you would have to shower him attention for him to realize that he was your choice forever and always.

ღ Dokyeom -> Mingyu (Song Note: Gray pls make a company and have all of the AOMG people that left join it pls I miss this era.) UPDATE GRAY DID LMFAOOOO #DUOVER

Look, Mingyu is Seokmin's soulmate and best friend. However, when he found out that his other soulmate (you) was a Gyuldaengie before y'all started to date he would be a little self conscious. He knows how handsome his best friend is and would need extra love and reassurance that you want him.

ღ Mingyu -> Minghao (Song Note: ugh i miss this era of ikon so bad.)

Oh Lord, Mingyu finding out that you biased anyone other than him before you dated made him the poutiest of pouts in the ENTIRE universe. Then when it was Minghao out of all people? Oh he was so dramatic about it. He would just be sitting there with a "fake sulk" and you would have to reassure him that he was like your biggest bias wrecker and end of the day you chose his cute ass and not Minghao's and that would make it a bit bearable. Whenever y'all were out and Minghao was around though he would be a lot more touchy and would be "more protective" about you hahaha.

ღ Minghao -> Hoshi (Song Note: this song is always in my head at 2 am and idk why. it's so good but send help.)

Minghao found out about you being a 'horangdan' the same time Soonyoung sound out. Soonyoung would be a giggly mess and Minghao would just be deadpan. He would be giving you side eye when you were like "You had me at Horanghe or whatever." Soonyoung and you would do the 'Horanghe' hand sign around Minghao just to annoy him because you both found 'Sulky Hao' hilarious and cute. All of you knew this wasn't serious and end of the day you were Minghao's partner. But damn, if this didn't give him more fuel for the Anti Tiger Agenda though...

ღ Seungkwan -> Dino (Song Note: It's Maestro era but I'm still stuck in this era ;-;)

You were never planning on telling Seungkwan or hell even Chan that you used to be a full blown Dinonara before you started dating Seungkwan but it happened after a few shots with both of them plus Hansol. Y'all were playing 'Never Have I Ever' and both Chan and Hansol were trying everything in their power to get you out. "Never have I ever..." Hansol would say while glaring at you which would make both Seungkwan and you just giggle, "never have I ever ONLY been a Boosadan." Seungkwan coo'd then looked at your fingers and gasped when he realized none of them went down, "Are you cheating on me with one of my members?" "i-it was before we started dating." "Who?" all of them said now curious for different reasons. Hansol because it was tea, Chan because he was genuinely curious, and Seungkwan because he wanted to kick their ass lmao. You just glanced at Chan and then back at Seungkwan hoping that was enough and it was. Chan realized as well and then was like "wait so you cheated on me?" That would make the younger one run for his life as Seungkwan chased him while you and Hansol just laughed at their chaos.

ღ Vernon -> Jun (Song Note: This song is so underrated imo. idk why kpop fans sleep on great songs like this.)

When Hansol found out that you biased Jun he wouldn't even be all that surprised because he understood. He knew his hyung was a super stannable person because hell even the rest of Seventeen (him included) was a huge Huihui. I feel like Hansol would just be very confident in your relationship but I feel like he would also tease you to a degree about it. Like if you got into a not serious fight he'd just be like "go to Jun then and see if he can handle your delusions like me." hahaha.

ღ Dino -> Woozi (Song Note: It's Maestro era pt 2 but also still stuck in this era as well.)

Chan can get a bit jealous, we know. However, when you told him before y'all started dating you were Woozidan all he could think of was "fair." Even though it's 'useless' having 12 hyungs sometimes, he does have a lot of love and respect for them; especially Jihoon. However, he would tease you about it and would say "you're a Dinonara officially now though right?" lmaoooo

[strwbmei]

Kinktober : Level 2.

summary: as a loyal servant, you've grown tired of the archon taking your work for granted.

contains: gn reader, reader has a dick, anal, dubcon, brat taming, semi-public sex, spanking, crying, degradation, humiliation, you write on her, no aftercare, rough sex

pairing(s): furina x reader

a/n: uh. accidentally scheduled to post this for the 15th and just realized now. oops. hope the dialogue isn't too cheesy...

thats all for now, i'll be a bit busy this weekend so i can't promise that i'll be able to respond to asks/messages

NSFW below the cut !

"Unhand me right this insta-!"

"Shut. Up."

You had your Archon's wrist pinned to the wall; petite and feeble arms uselessly flailing as she made what could only be called a pathetic attempt at resistance. "Do you think you're getting away with this?! Just wait 'til this is over, you..!"

You roll your eyes. "Me? Do you even know my name?" You'd been such a loyal servant— obeying her every whim, working tirelessly because of the impossible demands she had set, and yet; she didn't even know who you were. Not once has Furina spared you a second thought. You were merely one of her servants. Hers to command and control as she pleased.

She let her mouth hang open for a second before closing it again, biting back a retort that she can't think of. "What's wrong, dear Archon? Aren't you going to fight back?"

Furina had always acted so high and mighty, but merely cornering her in a dusty, secluded warehouse had her feeling so weak and small— at least, in your presence. Wait, no— she's an Archon! What right did you have to treat her like this? You should be groveling at her feet for forgiveness if anything!

Though, as much as Furina wanted to... she couldn't deny how aroused she was getting. You scoff seeing her clench her thighs together. "Of course, this whole situation gets you wet. Fuckin' slut." Before she could make up a comeback, you let go of her wrists.

"Bend over and put your hands on the wall."

"I don't wanna!"

"I wasn't asking. Don't make me repeat myself." You ordered, using a tone full of authority that made Furina's heart skip a beat. She's been the one ordering and bossing people around for as long as she can remember, and she certainly doesn't mind, but she had no idea that giving someone else control could feel so... freeing.

Begrudgingly, she followed your orders; turning around and resting her palms on the dusty walls.

A second passed, nothing. Furina found a sort of thrill in the anticipation of what you'd do, but it was still nerve-wracking nonetheless. A few more seconds passed, and as Furina was about to speak, her words were cut off by a moan she didn't even realize she let out when you spanked her ass.

Her body threatens to lose its balance, knees faltering and hands slightly slipping. You rub the spot where you had hit in a mockingly soft way. "Aww, too much for my spoiled goddess?" You cooed into her ear; her frustration evident. Just then, an idea pops into your head. "Mm... I know, why don't we play a game?"

"Since you forgot my name," She looks at you with a confused expression from over her shoulders; heterochromatic eyes already glossy and wet with tears that threaten to spill onto her smooth skin. "I'll give you a name, instead." The game sounded simple enough, but the sadistic smirk you had on your face spoke volumes.

"From now on, I want you to refer to yourself as my personal cocksleeve. Not the Hydro Archon. Not Furina. When you're in my presence, you don't serve any other purpose but to take my cock. Got it?"

The Archon, the respected and feared Archon of Fontaine, meekly and hesitantly nods; so weak suddenly. Her obedience, though unexpected, pleased you— unlike her silence. What happened to the loud, irritating voice she used as she bossed and ordered you around? Where did all that strength go?

Slap.

Furina yelped. "I asked you a question." You're sure that her body would have tumbled over if you weren't holding her ass up. "I-I uh," Embarrassment filled her as she stuttered. Slap. "Yes..!" You snickered at her whiny tone, which you're sure wasn't on purpose.

You pulled her shorts down, a string of her slick connecting her cunt to her now ruined panties. Fuck. "Are you really getting wet from this?" You mock. Your finger ghosts over her entrance, and you can feel it throb and flutter around nothing.

"No, I'm not..! Do you really think that-"

Slap.

"I didn't give you permission to speak." The second you take a step back, it feels as if the weight of the world was lifted off of Furina's shoulders. "Tell you what, since I'm feeling generous..." This time, you slap her cunt, making her whine from the mix of pain and pleasure.

"I'll give you three seconds. If you run away, you can throw me in a jail cell or do whatever you want to me. But if you don't," Her ass is an angry red from the sheer force of your slaps, and you take it upon yourself to rub it in teasing circles before slapping it once again. "I'll humiliate and fuck you until you're a good-for-nothing slut."

"Three." You stay completely still, arms crossed as your figure loomed over the other woman. "Two." Furina stays unmoving, and you can see her cunt glisten with arousal. "One."

As she looked back over her shoulders, her stomach churned with both excitement and nervousness once she saw the sadistic smirk on your lips. "Fuckin' brat. You're fucking disgusting." Although your words sounded like you were insulting her, you couldn't be more proud to have the Hydro Archon bending herself over for you, wet pussy on display— all for a servant she never even gave a second glance at.

No matter how much Furina wanted to deny it; fight back... she was incredibly desperate and horny— and even if she didn't want you to know that, her body told you all about it. The weight and consequences of her decisions don't hit her— at least, not until she feels your thick cock, hard and as rigid as stone from her doing, resting on her back.

Just an hour ago, she was going on about her day as usual. Under no circumstances would she imagine that she'd be getting her ass pounded by you in a dirty storage room, praying to whatever other gods existed out there that you wouldn't get caught.

"Shiit..." The death grip you have on her waist doesn't relent, still as strong as it was before your first orgasm. How many times has Furina cum? None. It doesn't matter. She'll take any scrap of pleasure she can get at this point— she just wants to be filled. "So tight... just for me." You can feel her balance faltering as you slap her ass again.

And you don't even fulfill that. You're completely selfish; the only reason you chose to fuck her ass was solely because while it was tighter, she receives little to no pleasure. Plus, not many people can say that they've fucked an Archon in the ass. You wanted her to learn that she's merely a toy— and that it doesn't matter if she doesn't cum as long as you do.

At least, that was what you intended.

You chuckle darkly through heavy breaths, seeing Furina squirt and make a mess everywhere. "Seriously? You're cumming and squirting like a whore from getting your ass fucked? How pathetic can you get?"

Just then, a thought crosses your mind: how pathetic can she get?

Looking over at the pile of boxes next to you, you spot a marker on top of some documents that you hope were unimportant, seeing how some of Furina's juices got on them. You don't check to see if the marker is washable or permanent. You spread her legs even wider, and the last thing she hears is the cap getting removed before feeling a short, cool sensation on the back of her thighs.

"Every time you cum from me fucking your ass," Slap. "I'll write something on your body." Furina doesn't respond. She doesn't trust herself to run her mouth; remembering how that was the reason this encounter happened in the first place.

You lift her off your cock, making her whine at the loss of contact. She quickly realizes what you were trying to do as soon as you turn her to face the door. "N-no... please!" The Archon tries to make use of the rest of her feeble strength, kicking— though her actions tickled you more than it hurt.

"Oh, baby..." You cooed. Your tone almost reminded her of your meek, monosyllabic replies to her bossing you around— but now, there was an added sultriness and authority. "You can fight back all you want if that makes you feel better, but we both know you want this."

"Look. Even if you don't want to admit it, at least your body is honest." You rub on her still-sensitive clit, prolonging and coaxing out more of her orgasm. Tears start streaming down her face as soon as you bring her down on your cock, ass stretching to accommodate your size.

"Please, 'm sorry!... I'm... mhmff... Your personal cocksleeve is sorry! If we get caught..." Her words are cut off by a particularly hard thrust knocking the air out of her lungs. You smile at her words, but your pace doesn't relent. In fact, it gets even faster. "Oh? You know your name. I thought you were too dumb for even that." Besides, the way she clenched tighter once you positioned her in front of the door of the warehouse didn't go unnoticed.

She keeps on begging and apologizing through sobs and moans, feeling herself close to passing out with the sheer force of her incoming orgasm. With a loud sob, her body grows limp and her cum forms a puddle on the ground beneath you two.

"Tsk. All that talk, and she couldn't even last two rounds." You groan, laying her slack body on the floor. Her legs are trembling, and her thighs are a sticky mess. Her gaping hole is filled to the brim with your cum, just as it should be. There are numerous writings on her previously sacred body; namely words such as 'slut' and 'whore.'

With a few jerks of your cock, warm ropes of your cum shoot out and cover the woman beneath you. You zip up your pants, leaving her both physically and sexually ruined for the next person who would be unfortunate enough to find her.

╰┈➤ taglist ; @nbdaddykink , @teethoftheeditor , @roninraccoon , @commandercarbs , @sapphic-simp4015 , @truculentbantam , @vrachis , @dukemira , @arbiteriey , @krowbyss

[all-too-random]

We Don't Waste Food

Sanji Vinsmoke (OPLA) x reader

Sanji notices that you haven't been eating very much.

TW: Reader is implied to be in the process of recovering from an ED. The type/reasoning behind it has purposefully been left vague. Mentions of thr0wing up/feeling sick. Sanji wants to help but may do so in a way that not everyone finds helpful. Also he's kind of pushy in the beginning.

A/N: This is a very self indulgent fic based on my own struggles. If it is something you relate to and this helps, I am glad you found some comfort in it/sorry you relate. If you dont, please be kind anyway :) Also this is my first ever x reader fic in 7 years of writing fanfiction.

"I'm full," the sound glass scraping against wood rang throughout the dining cabin as you pushed your plate out of the way, glancing nervously at your lap, "Anyone who wants my leftovers can have them." Luffy reached across the table, already grabbing for the food on the plate. Sanji's hand reached it first, though, and the blonde chef made eye contact with you as he pushed the plate back to your spot. "Y/N, darling," he said. He was smiling, but his stare portrayed a more serious expression, "We don't waste food." You crossed your arms over your chest, your eyes meeting his blue ones, "I'm not trying to be wasteful, that's why I offered it up. I knew someone would want-" He cut you off, smile disappearing, "You need to eat it yourself. It's your favorite, I made it just for you." You nodded once, acknowledging the effort he put in, "And it was delicious. But now I'm full." There was a certain bitterness to your words, causing Sanji to hesitate. The rest of the crew looked on silently, exchanging nervous glances at one another as the scene played out. You barely paid them any notice, keeping your eyes locked on Sanji as you shoved yourself away from the table and stood up. "We don't waste food. So someone else can eat it, I'm not going to."

Your boots thudded against the wooden floor of the ship as you stomped away, suddenly feeling the need for fresh air. You didn't stop until you were at the edge of the deck. The wind whipped your hair around and you watched the sky turn orange against the clear water as the sun set on the horizon. Tears pricked at your eyes. They rolled over your cheeks despite your attempts to sniff them away, so you gave up. You were alone, anyway. No reason to hide your tears out here. They just didn't get it, you thought. Although it's not like you had ever tried explaining it to them before. You never meant to waste food. You just couldn't stop it. No matter how hungry you felt beforehand, your appetite seemed to wither the second food was in front of you. More than half a portion made you feel sick, and throwing your meals up into the sea felt worse than just offering it to someone who would it eat.

"Nice evening, isn't it madam?" You whipped your head around, quickly trying to wipe the tears from your face. Sanji stood several feet behind you, smiling once again, but still with a grim aire about him. "Yes, it is," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady as you turned back towards the ocean, "Very peaceful." You could hear the heels of the chef's shoes clicking against the wood until he appeared right next to you, resting his elbows on the edge of the ship. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see him looking at you, studying your features. "I'm still not hungry," you told him, and you couldn't decide whether or not it was a lie. You were hungry, or at least, you should be. But you knew no more food would stay in your stomach for long. Sanji chuckled, dipping his head down, "Well, I gathered that much, love. I just can't figure out why. Only a banana for breakfast and nothing at lunch, by all means, you should be starving." You looked at him, eyebrows crinkled in confusion, "You know what I ate?" "I keep track," he says, shrugging his shoulders, "Helps me with my meal planning. I thought for sure you'd have a good dinner tonight, especially since I made something I knew you'd love." "I did love it," you admitted to him, sighing into the wind, "I just... don't eat much. It's hard." "Hard to eat?" He raised an eyebrow at you, "It shouldn't be, we have plenty of-" "Not like that," you cut him off, waving your hand through the air, "I know we have food, I just can never hold much of it. When I was younger, I forced myself not to eat... and I must have gotten good at it, because now I can't. And I hate it, because I get so hungry only to push food away, and I feel so wasteful." You could feel tears threatening to fall again, so you laughed, trying to act like there was nothing upsetting about the situation whatsoever. Sanji, however, did not laugh. He looked at you with sad eyes, which was even more intense since the wind was pushing his hair out of his face, meaning you could see both of them. It was quiet for a moment, with no noise but the waves lapping at the bottom ship. Then, the chef let out a sigh, opening his arms. You fell into him, burying your face into his pin-striped shirt. His strong arms immediately wrapped around you, his chin resting gently atop your head. "Thank you for telling me," he said quietly, placing a kiss against your hair, "I'm sorry I pushed you so hard." "It's alright," you whispered back, allowing yourself to cry on him, "You didn't know." He squeezed you tighter, "Well, now that I do know, I'm still worried about you. The way you've been eating still isn't healthy. I'll start giving you smaller portions, so you don't have to feel wasteful. And when you're ready, I'll gradually give you more. Like baby steps. Can you agree to that, my dear?" Pain shot through the inside of your cheek as you bit down, thinking his words over. Recovery was hard, but Sanji was willing to help.... You nodded your head, accepting the offer, "Little, tiny baby steps." Sanji laughed softly, running his fingers through your hair, "Sure, little, tiny baby steps. Whatever it takes, love. Would dessert be a good start?" He raised an eyebrow at you, and you laughed, "Well, that depends... what kind of dessert?"

[konigsblog]

I'm always happy to share my thoughts on your different Konig AUs and talk about them and since you did ask (might get little long)

-kidnapper!Konig fucking you while making you watch police reports about yourself. Your friends and family (the one he didn't kill anyways) and maybe even boyfriend if you had one are begging and pleading and crying for your safe return while he's making you sit on his lap and bounce on his cock and he's both praising and degrading you.

What a horrible but also sweet little girl you are, making your loved ones worry about you while you choose to stay with him and be his toy (and I know he'd keep telling you that you're choosing to stay with him even though you both know it's not true)

-stepdad!Konig that "innocently" buys you pretty rings and jewelry and he secretly calls you his pretty little wife while fucking you in your bed when everyone else is asleep and who visits you in your dorm room in college just to have you scream his name and who loves to call you stuff like "sweet girl" both in bed and casually around other people so you can't help but to get wet

-dadbod!Konig who enjoys trapping you in Impossible to get out of positions under him and who takes photos of himself fucking you and then photos of your pretty pussy after he's pumped you full of his cum and who films you riding him and moaning his name or sucking him off and then you see him open those photos in public and he teases you about being a slut and says things like "Why are you acting shy engel? You weren't shy when you were on your knees for me" and "Oh worried someone will see? Maybe I should let them see..."

könig is my FAVOURITE character to write about, i may be writing too much about him but i just can't seem to stop myself 🥹 i love his character so much grr ... (i don't care what other people say about könig, he's my obsession, it's ridiculous ..😵‍💫)

STEPCEST, SOMNOPHILLIA, YANDERE/KIDNAPPING, AGE GAP, dumbification, intoxication/NON-CON, power abuse (?), scent kink... ☀️🌷

kidnapper!könig is a delusional, lovesick and manipulative bastard. he uses his tears against you to get what he wants. bent over on the couch, your hips angled against his broad hips as he ploughs into your cunt ruthlessly, forcing you to watch your family sob and scream for you to come home, for forgiveness, for you.

and you can't help but sniffle, wriggling in könig's grip yet pulsing around him uncontrollably. the words of your family going in one ear and out the other as könig fucks you dumb, until you're fuzzy and dizzy and unable to string a coherent sentence together :( you're his sweet angel, the light in his life, he couldn't love without you. and seeing you cream around his veiny, huge cock just does stuff to him he can't explain because you're so dumb for his dick :(

your arms hooked under your thighs, sat on his lap and feeling him buck and slam into your sopping pussy. your head thrown back and your pretty face raw with tears. painful bruises along your body from punishments, cumming around his cock whilst watching your family plead and beg for your return! they miss you, and love you, but never as much as könig... :((

stepdad!könig is a tease. he taunts and chuckles when you grind against his knee after coming home drunk and high at a college party. his sweet little girl begging for his cock, to suck him off or be fucked sloppily whilst your mother rests upstairs, fast asleep.

and he just can't say no to that desperate, little face. those glistening eyes and swollen lips, tightly wrapped around his thick and wet shaft, sucking him off while he guides your head. he's so overprotective, he wants to be your first. he won't hesitate to fuck you whilst you sleep, your legs spread wide open while you pounds into your wet and tight hole ruthlessly!!

or fucking you in the back of his pickup truck. back against the leather seats, your walls tightening around him while he slams into your hole cruelly, abusing his power being your stepfather and cumming deep inside your pussy :( you're just so special to him!!!

dadbod!könig :( he adores fucking you in all positions, at any pace, but he especially adores when you ride his thick and hard cock while he's high and sore! he's getting older, he's more stiff and needs his fun little thing to bounce on his big dick.

laying down against his chest, your tits rubbing against his hairy, chubby chest. your slit wrapped around his thick cock, grinding down against him while he moans out, slapping and squeezing your ass while you rub down against him!!! praising you in german while the noises blarring from the television echoing in the background :((

he definitely stinks of his musk, and i sure as hell would be addicted!! you can't seem to get enough, rubbing your pussy against his thigh while sucking at his armpit, dragging your tongue over his hair and moaning out :( he absolutely adores waking up to you with your face in his armpit, huffing and panting breathlessly while fisting his dick :(

dadbod!könig will fuck you so ruthlessly in the morning, leaving you out of breath and unable to catch up!!! exhausted and shaking, his little mess whining and mewling at the rawness between her thighs :(

[callingbridgerton]

I am in the minority, I know, but I wasn't all that bothered by Colin's entrapment comment.

Beyond the fact that Colin is a human being who is allowed to make mistakes, be harsh, be "occasionally excitable," he is also experiencing a type of betrayal I honestly cannot even imagine.

With everything we learned about him, how highly he regards intimacy, how much emphasis he put on knowing each other completely at their engagement dinner... can you imagine how he feels looking back on their first time? From his point of view, doing that with Penelope changed everything for him. "Nothing compares to this." Nothing!!

Taking that into account, remember how Penelope responded when Colin asked why she wanted to be married?

"So that I may have my freedom."

This, of course, is understandable to Colin before LW. I don't think he'd find it much a stretch to imagine that that is what she was looking for but got lucky that she found love with him instead.

Post-LW reveal, is it really all that shocking that Colin might rethink things? Reconsider his understanding of their friendship, of her plan?

To entrap means to trick or deceive.

As much as we all understand why Pen was struggling to tell him - she did deceive him.

She accepted a marriage proposal without telling him (which again, I understand, I probably would have too.) And yes, she planned to tell him. But she was also willing to give up LW and never tell him. She was willing to have Colin never know the whole of her.

Colin wants to know all of her. He thought he did. But she was harboring the secret of all secrets. And if I were Colin, I cannot say I wouldn't feel the same. Entrapped. That the thought wouldn't cross my mind.

If Penelope can be LW, if she can write what she has written, if she can lie the way she has lied, what else can she lie about? Certainly she could lie about her intentions, certainly she could lie and say she loved him.

That is why he so needed to hear and believe her say she loved him. Yes, she responds that way after the comment. I think he hears her, but his mind is still spinning, he is still fuming.

In the alleyway he is finally able to hear her "COLIN, I LOVE YOU." and is overcome.

This is why he is so willing at their wedding. He now can make at least a little sense of it. Penelope loves him. He loves Penelope. Only question remaining is whether he loves LW. He says it himself, he attempts to separate them. He is marrying Penelope, love of his life. You see him during their first dance, touch his hand to her face, try to make sense of his wife. When LW gets brought up at the wedding breakfast, he is reminded how the two intertwine. And Penelope doubles down. Colin still cannot reconcile the two. So he sleeps on the couch.

And no, Colin Bridgerton, demisexual, finally aware of what it feels like to connect and be intimate with someone when there are no barriers and (what he thought was) full trust, cannot give his wife a wedding night. He cannot touch her. Not like that. Not now that he knows. Would you want him to?

Should he have said it, no. But if allowing himself to speak aloud his greatest fear is his worst crime then I am happy to say that Colin Bridgerton is still the most sure and sound of his siblings. I am certain we have all made graver mistakes...

[miabebe]

The Legend of The Sea

"You're crying? You must be turning human, the MerFolk don't cry."

"Of course we do. Why do you think the Sea is nothing but salt?"

Pairing: Choi Seungcheol × reader Genre: Heavy Angst, Romance, Implied smut Word count: 14K (completed) A/N: This was supposed to be a very long fic with lots of dialogue and lot of plot but I decided to take a turn and write a shorter version! It's very different from my usual writing style, it would be great to receive your thoughts and comments! I'm considering writing a epilogue if the response is good :) Tags: @xcynthiaaa @dr3aluv5 @unlikelysublimekryptonite @orcasandtea @letsplayitcool @idubutily

It all started the day you woke up on the beach with that unbearable pain searing through you.  

The air was cool, the sand was hot; the seagulls were flying across the blue sky, the sound of the waves was like a beautiful melody – it was like a perfectly painted picture. It should have felt pleasant, it should have felt serene, instead you felt immense pain, like your guts were turning inside out and your chest was being split into two.

And it just wouldn’t stop. Even if you thrashed about in the sand or let out soundless screams clutching your chest, nothing could make the pain stop.  

Except the soft laughter.  

Someone else was here. 

As the pain ebbed at the sound of a voice, fear came rushing in its place.  

Someone else was here.   

Your instincts told you to hide so you did, scrambling to your knees in the sand, crouching behind one of the many large boulders scattered around, trying your best not to be found. And to not let curiosity get the better of you….. until it eventually did.

You allowed yourself to peak, just a little, just to put a face to the voice and instead saw a bouncing fluffy cloud of white. Strange. You didn’t know clouds came down like that. Or that they had eyes, because suddenly, this one looked right at you.

You immediately retreated back into your hiding but it was in vain - within seconds, it made its way over and much to your surprise, jumped right into your lap, covering you in wet, eager licks. You panicked, trying to defend yourself, although it didn’t feel like much of an attack.  

And that was when you saw him.  

First, he was just a silhouette, a dark outline against the sun but when he crouched down to meet your eye, you realised he was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen. He had such pretty hazel eyes, lighter in the middle, darker on the outside. Then there were the thick, dark eyebrows and thicker darker hair, swept back by the wind. He was wearing a white dress shirt, the first two buttons (unnecessarily) undone, the sleeves (needlessly) pushed up to his elbow. But your eyes were stuck on his lips – red, full of life and moving – he was saying something.   

You can’t hear him, not with the way your stomach was turning and turning and turning and then unable to hold back, you gave in. You turned and doubled up, finally throwing up all that discomfort into the sand, breaking into a fit of cough. The man before you though, wasn’t fazed. Rather, he was efficient, quickly getting up, pulling you away from the mess gently and handed you the bottle of water he had on him. You refused - water was only making you more nauseous.

He didn’t insist, instead he unfolded a large piece of cloth, (later you learnt that it was called a picnic blanket) and threw it over you. It was only its warmth that you realised – unlike him, every bit of your skin was exposed. You held the fabric closer to yourself hoping you could just bury yourself in the sand instead of having to face him – something about the way he looked at you made you feel very vulnerable.  

He then asked if you were feeling okay but only received silence as an answer. The truth was, you weren’t. Not only were you in the middle of nowhere, you had no idea why or how you got there. It seemed like he understood that; like he realised you were lost and needed help. When he got up and held his hand out though, you didn’t take it. Instead, you took support of the boulder behind you and got up on your own, only to lose your footing and stumble right into his arms. You instantly pulled yourself away and took another faltering step and then another, and then fell right back into his arms again. He was amused but didn’t say or do anything except watch you try, ankles sinking in the sand, knees unfaithfully giving away every time, until finally you gave up and took his hand. Slowly and silently, he led you far away from there.  

That day you learnt his name was SeungCheol.  

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That white cloud, Kkuma, was apparently what humans called a dog.  

While humans efficiently seemed to walk on two legs and could converse for hours, dogs apparently walked on four legs and couldn’t talk. Though you certainly looked like a human, you often wondered if you and Kkuma were the same. You too happened to find long hours of walking and talking difficult and more than anything, you didn’t seem to enjoy the company of other humans that much. That’s why the last one month, you spent most of your time with Kkuma, far away from most people, all the way across the town, in a small settlement between the lake and the mountains, in Seungcheol’s cottage.  

Seungcheol’s home was your safe haven. Rather, Seungcheol was your safe haven.  

When you were with him, when you looked at him, you always forgot that it had been four weeks and you still had no idea who you were, that you had no memories, you had no life.  

Because Seungcheol gave you a life. He taught you to walk the way you saw mothers hold the hands of their little babies, encouraging them to take a step forward. He taught you to read, scribbling away alphabets with you for hours on end, even when little children laughed at you for not understanding. He taught you that a fork was not the same thing as a comb and that water was used to wash yourself, and that fire was hot and burnt things.

He didn’t just teach you things, he cared for you. He noticed you liked the red and filled your wardrobe with red dresses. When you told him you really liked the taste of fish, fish was all he cooked for weeks. Though he never seemed to like being away from Kkuma, his little princess, he would always leave her behind to give you company whenever he left. 

Seungcheol left the house every morning at the break of down. So did most men, you noticed. The lady who lived down the stone pathway told you that men went out to make money while their wives, who stayed at home, cooked for them. That day you tried to cook for the first time, and asked Seungcheol if you were his wife. He laughed, then choked on a fish bone and asked you to leave all the cooking to him from here on and so you did.

Every day, Seungcheol would cook before he left while you stood beside him, watching in awe, handing him whatever he asked for. You usually ate breakfast and lunch with the animals in the stable but you always had dinner with Seungcheol. No matter how long he was gone for, end of the day, he always made it back to you.   

You watched the sun slowly setting behind the mountains. He should be here soon, which was why you shouldn’t be sitting by the lake anymore. Seungcheol always warned you to maintain a safe distance from it, to never go too near. He said it was dangerous, that people drown because they cannot breathe under water. You had seen it.  

When the woodcutter’s young boy fell into the lake a few weeks ago, you watched him thrash in the water, struggling to come up. A few brave people jumped in to save him but the boy never came out again. Everyone in town was scared of the lake, they hated it. Only the old ‘crazy’ lady that lived by the edge of the forest ever went near it. She wasn’t afraid of it; she said the lake was barely dangerous - it was the sea that was bad. That it had terrifying monsters and horrors that should never be uncovered. She liked the lake and honestly, so did you.

You liked how it never really felt cold and how the temperature was always just nice. You liked how all the fish swam up to you whenever you dangled your feet in, sitting by the bank, how at peace it all made you feel.  

But when you saw Hannie in the sky, you immediately pulled your legs out of the water and hid the wetness of your feet under the fabric of your long skirt. Hannie was Seungcheol’s other pet, a pretty, baby white dove. He wasn’t a pet, not really, he belonged to the skies but Hannie loved to follow Seungcheol everywhere and Seungcheol loved it just as much. Actually, the whole town seemed to love white doves – it was on their flags, their shields, their uniforms. Seungcheol said it was the emblem of the kingdom. You had no idea what that meant, and frankly you didn’t care much. All that mattered was that whenever you spotted this little white bird, instantly recognisable by the small tinge of red right in the middle of its chest, it meant Seungcheol was home. As it softly landed on the fence, right before the sun was completely engulfed by the mountains, you heard Seungcheol’s horse and opened the gates to let them in.  

Over dinner, Seungcheol told you about the fight that broke in the marketplace. It’s a funny place the market, something always seemed to be happening there. On the weekends, you would follow him through it as he went vendor to vendor, making his purchases. The people of the market were actually sweet. They would always smile and try to talk to you but you could never bring yourself to talk back, you could never find the right words to say. Instead, you’d simply stare blankly then move closer to Seungcheol, holding on to him. Eventually, they all started assuming you couldn’t speak. You didn’t correct them and looking at your reluctance, neither did Seungcheol. He would simply wave them away, or shoo the kids who seemed to tease you. As long as you were outside, Seungcheol would never leave your side or your hand.  

You didn’t like going out very much, the big crowds and all those loud noises were always highly uncomfortable but the few times Seungcheol insisted you come with him and said it would be fun, it was actually not that bad. He took you to the town’s lights festival, where every inch of the streets and houses was covered with the prettiest coloured lights, and also to the annual horse racing competition which was exhilarating beyond belief. Your favourite though was children’s drama day, when the little kids of the town participated in skits looking a lot, lot smaller than the original characters were supposed to be. He didn’t though, take you to that big feast that happened in the castle. You didn’t really mind – something about the castle was just very unnerving.  

It stood tall and proud, all the way at the edge of the town, up a long winding route, at the edge of the cliff, looking down at the sea waters. Initially you had no idea what a castle even was, but over time you learnt that it was where the king lived. The king was the most important person in the town and supposedly the kindest, wisest and strongest man too. If you didn’t know better, you would have thought Seungcheol was the king. Afterall, he helped everyone in the neighbourhood, he solved the fights in the markets, he protected the settlement from the wild dogs and other beasts of the forest. But Seungcheol was not the king. The king lived in the castle and Seungcheol lived with you.  

After dinner, like every other day, you sat in Seungcheol’s study, practicing writing your alphabets as he went through endlessly long scrolls of his own. Today when you handed him your work, he scolded you yet again for rushing through the last few lines. You knew you shouldn’t have but you can never help it because the faster you finished, the sooner Seungcheol would read to you. Granted you knew how to read now but you weren’t really good at it, not everything made sense. The small books were easy but they were boring - it was always about animals and children and other things. The big books were where everything interesting was.  

Every night before you went to sleep, Seungcheol would bring out a book, sitting down by the fireplace and you would curl up next to him, leaning over as he read to you. Sometimes he would read out history, recounts of great wars and heroes and sometimes about legends, the fire breathing dragons, sea monsters, fairies in the woods. While you listened to all of them with the same fascination and curiosity, a selected few made you feel somewhat…..different – the ones about true love. About two people fighting all odds to be together. About two people wanting to be with each other more than anything.

Whenever Seungcheol read those to you, you somehow saw yourself in those words. Or rather, those words in you. You found that ‘quickening heartbeat’ whenever your hand brushed against the man beside you. His compliments made the ‘heat in your cheeks rise’. There was a constant ‘nervous fidgeting of the fingers’ when you were around him and sharing of the ‘secret glances’. Even now as he was reading you were looking at him, at the way his lips were moving and how soft they looked and wondering how much softer they would feel against yours.

When Seungcheol turned to you, sensing your eyes on him, meeting them without hesitation, you could have leaned in, you could have found out. But you didn’t; you didn’t dare. Instead, you looked down at the book, at the pictures of the prince and princess dancing, wondering if you too had a happily ever after written in your fate.  

Maybe it was, because a few days later, when Seungcheol looked at you like that again, you didn’t hold back anymore. You didn’t want to. This time you leaned in, gently pressing your lips onto his, discovering much to your relief that they were indeed every bit as soft as they looked. His eyes widened when you pulled back immediately, but he didn’t say or do anything. Then a silence followed, heavy with confusion and anticipation and so many other things that you couldn’t quite fathom so you quickly excused yourself from there stating it might rain and you forgot to close your bedroom windows.

As you shut the doors of your room behind you, hand on your chest, you felt your heart racing away but you should have been at peace, right? You had finally plucked up the courage and satiated all that bubbling curiosity. Instead, you felt like you were going to lose your mind – now that you had a taste, you wanted more.   

Days passed before you finally kissed him again.

It was on a rainy night and you were sitting closer to him than usual, as though the fire was not enough to keep you warm. It started the same way, first a few stolen glances, then a long silent stare and then you were kissing him, soft and sweet but this time he pulled back and you didn't let him. Instead you grabbed a fistful of his shirt, holding him close, whispering that you wanted to do it again. He listened, kissing you back but it was different this time and god did it set off something in you.

His lips became demanding, and his hands were everywhere - in your hair, running down your back, on your waist. He took your breath away, quite literally because he just wouldn't stop and you couldn’t breathe. You didn't want to either but after what felt like eternity, you had to break apart, feeling all giddy. Seungcheol then gave you the brightest smile and one last peck. 

That went on for many more days. Sometimes it was sweet and simple, sometimes hot and heavy. Initially the books were your only witness then there were more. The peaking sun as he gave you a peak before he left in the mornings, the pots and pans of the kitchen while he focused on you instead of the burning bread, and kkuma, when he forgot to seek while she hid, his attention on your mouth instead. Everything was going blissful.

Then one day Seungcheol didn't come home even after the sun set.

You waited by the gate for a long time, but neither Hannie, nor Seungcheol, nor his horse could be seen. That was the first night you spent alone - shivering in the cold and terrified. The storms had begun outside, the rain was drowning everything in its way and as each hour passed, you sunk deeper and deeper into despair.

Even when the sun came up again the rain didn't stop, the pain didn't stop. Though you hadn't slept or eaten in hours you only thought about him. Even kkuma got tired of waiting and curled up in the warmest spot in the house but you stood by the door the whole time until you couldn't anymore.  

Not when you saw finally saw Hannie in the sky but Seungcheol didn't follow. That was when you knew something was terribly wrong. You immediately grabbed a lamp and were ready to set off to find him on your own when you saw the paper tied to the bird’s little foot. I'll be back soon it read in the handwriting you recognised was Seungcheol's, a wave of relief crashing over you.  

But it took very, very long for 'soon’ to come.

The rain had stopped, the sun had set, the sky had cleared and the stars were pitifully watching the way you sat against the door, desperately fighting your eyes threatening to fall shut. That was when you felt Seungcheol's hand on your face, gently tucking your hair behind your ear.  

You instantly got up, throwing yourself into his arms and for the first time ever, broke down, sobbing into his chest. He held you like that for as long as you didn't let him go, softly patting you, telling you it was okay, and that he's home. There was apparently a landslide near the mountains and he had to help the people stuck there but you didn't care what his reasons were. You were never going to let him go ever again, you'd fight the sun from coming up tomorrow morning if needed.

Seungcheol simply laughed and said first you should fight your stomach, it seemed like it was struggling in there. It was only when you admitted you hadn't eaten since last night that he let you go and walked into the kitchen to whip you a quick morsel.

That night he said he was too tired to read to you. Instead, he placed a soft kiss on your forehead with an apology and was about to retire to his room when you held him by the hand, scared to let him go again. He tried to comfort you but the tears just wouldn’t stop, not until he cupped your cheek and kissed you, whispering about how he missed this, how he missed you. You confessed that you did too, and his absence made you feel terrible, like never before.

Let me make you feel good then he said. But if he wanted to help you, why did it seem like he was pleading? Like if you didn't agree he would lose it? So you agreed, letting him do whatever he wanted, whatever he needed.

His mouth was hot on yours, hands wandering all over and when they tugged the strings of your dress, you let out an inaudible gasp against his lips. He swallowed your words, undressing you slowly, with his hands and his eyes. You felt so bare, so exposed yet you didn't feel like hiding from him - you wanted him to explore you however he could and god did he do it.

If you thought his mouth on yours felt good, the places he put it now were wild. It was like he somehow knew every sensitive bit of your skin and went straight for it. He wasn't lying, this was better than good, it felt euphoric. He unravelled you with his touch, his hands in places even you hadn't felt yourself. You wanted more, you wanted so much more and he gave it, over and over again, letting you feel every inch of him, reaching as deep inside you as he could, like any distance between the both of you was unbearable. You let him consume you in his fire as the pain turned to a pleasure like never before, a coil tightening in the pits of your being. The both of you whispered each other’s names for as long as you could hold it until you finally let go and so did he, filling you with every last essence of him. As you laid side by side breathless, staring at the roof, you saw the stars have come down, swirling across the ceiling and you fell into a deep slumber.  

When you woke up that morning, the sun was almost right on top of the cottage, half the day having already passed. Seungcheol didn't leave that day, instead he was right there, pressed against your back, wrapping you in his embrace, your limbs messily tangled with each other’s. When you tried to free yourself from him, he pulled you closer, burying his face in your neck, taking in as much of you as he could before he said he had to leave again. I'll come back to you, he promised and you did not let him see how tears brimmed in your eyes as you waved him away.

After that day though, you never cried again. Or ever slept in your own bedroom. Like promised every night Seungcheol returned to you and every night you lay between the sheets together, some days making love, some days simply talking and laughing away, some days just drifting away to sleep in each other’s arms. It truly felt like happily every after but you forgot, happily ever after was only for fairytales.

----------------------------------------------------------

It was just another normal day. The both of you had woken up as usual to the crowing of the rooster before dawn. You gathered the vegetables in the garden while Seungcheol made the most wonderful soup, perfect for a cold day. After he kissed you goodbye and left, you cleaned the stables, drew water from the well, tended to the garden, washed up, donned your favourite red dress, ate lunch, took a nap, played with kkuma, and finally, sat by the lake again, trying to catch your breath. It was the same routine as the last eight weeks.  

As you unconsciously plucked on the grass, your mind couldn’t help but wander back to a question that had been plaguing you these days. Was this all your life was going to be? The same routine, waking up everyday knowing it was going to be the exact same as yesterday and will be the exact same as tomorrow? Sure, you loved Seungcheol and Kkuma and Hannie and this little life you had built together, but you couldn’t help but think if you were made for something more. This couldn’t be it right?  

It wasn’t. And you were moments away from finding out.

You were so lost in thought, you didn’t notice Hannie in the sky until he landed right next to you, making you hurriedly jump to your feet to get away from the lake only for your damned dress to get tangled between your feet, making you fall right into the waters. Thank God Seungcheol had reached just in time to see you disappear under the surface and immediately dived in. Using all his might he pulled you up before you were lost in the depths, coughing and catching his breath as he crawled onto the bank.

That was the first day things went very, very differently.  

Instead of greeting Seungcheol like you usually did every day, you shivered, walking away into the house to dry yourself. You didn’t change into another red dress but a blue on this time that made even Seungcheol raise an eyebrow in surprise. Dinner was not the same too. The kimchi which never ran out had finally run out, there was apparently no fish in the market today and seungcheol bought eggs for the first time. When he insisted you would like the taste, you tried it and you indeed did like it, a lot. He grinned at you and said you could always trust his word but how could you anymore? 

He told you to stay away from the lake, that people couldn’t breathe under it but when you fell in, you could. In there you felt, if not more, just as alive and breathing and the water – it spoke to you. At first you were sure you were dying - you should have listened to Seungcheol, you should have stayed away but here you were in the middle of the lake, so close to death that you were hallucinating voices. But when you realised you were actually breathing, you listened. 

Finish your mission Y/n. Finish the mission and you can become who you really are again. You can join the waters again. 

You didn’t understand.  

That night instead of a fairytale, you ask Seungcheol to tell you about the legend of the sea again so he did.

Centuries ago, back when there was magic on Land, there was an ancient war between two of the most powerful kingdoms of Earth – the Chois and the Kangs. They battled tirelessly, day and night, for months to the point where uncountable bodies began piling, resources began running out and even the heavens begged them to stop - there would be nothing left of the Earth this way. But that’s the thing about power – relinquishing it was not an option.  

Finally, one unfortunate day, the Chois gained an upper hand in battle, forcing the Kangs to seek refuge in hiding. The Kangs though, disappeared overnight - though the Chois searched every corner of Land, they could not find them. It was only when they sort to use magic to find them that victors of the battle realised, they had lost their most prized possession – the Sceptre. The sceptre was like the motherboard of all magic on Earth – it was the source. After years of combing every inch of Land, the Chois finally came to the conclusion that the Kangs and the Sceptre were in the one place that no one on Land could reach – The Sea.  

Indeed, powered by magic, the entire kingdom of the Kangs and all those who stood by their side had retreated into the ocean, making a life for themselves there. Using the magic, they kept themselves alive, preparing once again to battle for what they believed was rightfully theirs. But the Earth could not take another war, at this rate, nothing would be left and so, the Council of the Land and the Council of the Sea were formed, to keep peace between both kingdoms. After months of debate, both councils came to a Pact.

The Kangs were allowed to keep the magic but were forbidden from ever stepping on Land. The very magic they stole was used to strip them of their ability to breath air, forcing them to stay in the waters for life. The Chois on the other hand, were allowed to rule Land but were never to see magic again – the Land would not know of it and would not use it anymore. And most importantly, the Land and the Sea were never to meet. Every single ship in sight was burnt, boats were torn apart, walls were built at the border of every coastal city.  

Over generations, not only did the Land never interact with the Sea but they began to fear it, malicious stories of monsters and merpeople making their way into children’s bedtime stories and fairytales. A few brave, rebellious souls would try to break The Pact and venture into the Sea but no one really lived to tell the tale.

Seungcheol said that there will never be anyone with a tale to tell because like all legends, this too was no more than just a story and a speculation. But for the first time, you don’t believe him.  

Instead, you think merpeople truly do exist and as impossible as it sounded, you might just be one of them

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You looked at the pretty red dress you had laid out on the bed for today.  

Today was important for more than one reasons.

Today was the annual citizen’s banquet, which meant it was the first time you were going to the castle. Today was also the first time you were going to see the king and most importantly, today was also probably the day you were going to find out who you really are.  

You didn’t tell Seungcheol about what happened that day in the lake. Maybe because he believed that the Legend of the Sea was not true or because you yourself were not sure you entirely believed it, but somehow you, who told Seungcheol about everything, didn’t tell him about this. You needed more confirmation first, you needed to go into the lake once more.

But surprisingly, the lake you once liked so much looks more daunting now. You were not afraid of drowning, rather you were afraid what being able to survive the waters would mean. You kept avoiding it, telling yourself one day you couldn’t go in there because you had to brine the vegetables and that you had to bathe the cows or whatever other excuse you could find until one day all the chores were over and you ran out of excuses. You had to go in now.  

Carefully looking around to make sure there was no one in sight, you sat down on the bank, put a foot first, then the other, then slowly lowered yourself in, submerging into the waters, kkuma’s barks fading out, the voices taking over.  

Finish your mission Y/n and join the waters again.  

It was true.  

You weren’t imagining things, you were indeed breathing in there, the voices were real, everything was ridiculously real. It didn’t make any sense but it also really did. The water felt like home, like you belonged. You could swim much faster, better than you could walk. You felt stronger, more powerful, more like you in there. Even though the lake looked like it held darkness, you could clearly see everything below – the animals, the plants, the life, all of it. Oh, you wanted to join the waters, you wanted to be here forever.

But when you opened your mouth to ask what the mission was, only the gurgling sound of bubbles left you. Somehow just the thought was enough because you heard the answer soon enough and it sent a chill down your spine.  

Kill the King.  

You looked at yourself in the mirror, donning your dress.

The price for finding out who you were was to kill the king, the most important man in the town.

You couldn’t.

Taking the life of another could not be the price of your truth. So, you had decided to forget about it. It was wrong and unethical and whoever asked you of that had clearly lost their mind except….. it was you.

The more you thought about it, the more you could not deny it – the voice in the lake was your own, as though you had left yourself a message, a reminder. Why on Earth would you want to kill the king? Then again, how did you, someone who clearly belonged to The Sea, find themselves on land? Why was it that you remembered nothing?

Maybe killing the king had a bigger purpose, a noble one, after all, all kings were not necessarily good.  

You had to find out. You had to meet him and see for yourself.

And as though the universe was aligning things into place for you, the night you decided to ask Seungcheol about visiting the castle, he mentioned that the king was arranging a grand banquet to which all citizens of the town were invited. He said if you were not comfortable you didn’t have to go but you cut him off much to his surprise, insisting that you want to attend.  

That’s how days later you found yourself standing at the gates of the castle as the crowd of town poured into the estate on either side of you. Seungcheol was supposed to pick you up tonight but instead there was a carriage waiting for you, with a message relayed by the footman that he got caught up in something and will meet you in the banquet.

The banquet was arranged in a large hall right in the middle of the castle and it was perhaps the most stunning place you had ever seen. The stone walls were covered in drapes of red and purple, the large windows shining with the views of prettily trimmed gardens. There were beautiful paintings everywhere, statues of men in armour and food of all kinds being serve around. Almost the whole town fraternised under the large golden chandelier, each dressed better than the other, chattering away in small whispers. You stayed near the large pillars of stone, as far away from the crowd as possible, eyes still looking for Seungcheol, ears trying to tune out all that people were saying around you.  

But you couldn’t ignore the loud sound of the trumpet as it echoes through the hall, followed by an announcement that the King had arrived. As your heart thumped away in your chest, he appeared, at the top of the stairs that led down into the hall, dressed in what you thought was rather simple for a king. You wanted to move closer to get a better look as he descended down the stairs but you realised everyone around you was bowing down to him so you mirrored it, staring at the white marble of the floor. Its only when a pair of pretty leather shoes appear right before you that you allow yourself to look up, facing the one person you were to see tonight – the king.

He was nothing like you hoped. He didn’t look malicious, or evil or like he was even capable of doing something wrong. He had the kindest eyes, crinkled with crows’ feet as he smiled at you so warmly, you felt nothing but comfort. Only one other person in this whole town ever made you feel safe like that. From the looks of his salt and pepper hair, he looked like he was aging, and the wisdom that came with time also shone on his face. He smiled so pleasantly, didn’t dress in a way that showed off all his wealth, and didn’t seem to harbour any sort of superiority because the moment the music swelled to life, he held his hand out to ask you, a commoner, for a dance.  

The whole town looked at you as though they were waiting so you placed your hand on his, letting him lead you to the middle of the floor as everyone else immediately moved to pick partners of their own.

Seungcheol had taught you how to dance. When you expressed your interest to go to the banquet, he told you there would also be a dance accompanying it and showed you how it was done. He was so patient with you, even though you stepped on his foot and banged his head with yours a few hundred times, bursting into a string of apologies whenever you did. But he only laughed, holding you close and dancing with you through the rainy night. You wondered where he was right now but that was the least of your worries considering you were dancing with the man you were deemed to kill and to your absolute disappointment, you could not find one reason to do so.  

You hoped so hard that you were right, that the king was a bad man and you were given this mission to make things right but he wasn’t. As much as you tried to not eavesdrop, you still heard whatever the people around you were whispering away. They were all in praises of him. They said he was a great man and under his ruling, the town was doing better than ever. They said the harvest was good thanks to him, that the they were safe from invasion thanks to him and were all living well thanks to him.

A part of you knew they were right – you had seen how happy and peaceful the townspeople always were, something that was only possible if they were in good hands. You could see for yourself what a wonderful man the king seemed to be and how everyone truly seemed to love and cherish him.

But a part of you didn’t want to believe that. You had to find a reason, something had to be wrong, you needed to justify why killing him was important. That was the only way to find out who you are.  

And as though the universe which had been so helpful so far decided now was the time to create chaos, the trumpet echoes through the hall again, announcing the arrival of the crown prince. When you see the person standing at the top of the stairs, you instant freeze, feeling your guts twist the way they did the first time you ever saw him – Seungcheol.  

Seungcheol was a prince. He was the crown prince of this land which meant he was the first born of the king.

That meant...... your mission was to kill the father of the man you loved.

As the townspeople gathered in the gardens below, you stood in a balcony of the castle, looking at the stars dancing in the sky.  

The whole night you had been feeling nothing but numb. The moment Seungcheol had appeared you excused yourself from the king, rushing out of the hall, trying not to throw up. Seungcheol immediately followed asking if you were okay but you didn’t answer. You did not see things unfolding this way. Not only did you not find a single reason why you had to kill the King, now you had one for why you shouldn’t do it.  

Seungcheol asked again, looking for answers in your expression but you just looked away, muttering that you had no idea he was the prince. He said he wasn’t trying to hide it from you, he just didn’t think about it. The whole town knew he was the crown prince so he never had to introduce himself that way. Besides, he didn't like to his status as royalty to define him so he didn’t usually mention it to anyone. As far as why he didn’t live in the castle was concerned, he started living in the cottage when he was 14 years old. That house was his mother’s, before the king and her fell in love and got married. After she passed away in the childbirth of her second child, he moved there so he could feel closer to her. His father too thought it was good for him to live among his subjects, to learn their problems and to gain their trust.  

You had nothing but silence to offer in return. It was all too much, all at once.  

The loud whispers of the town started fading out as the King walked in, standing among them. Seungcheol didn’t look too happy as he stared at the scene below him. He said he was worried about his father. You felt that churning feeling in your stomach once again. He said that he was getting old and it was getting harder for him to negotiate with neighbouring kingdoms, to keep war at bay. You didn’t understand what he meant.

He claimed the town was happy now but 3 months ago, nothing was going well. Their kingdom was under attack, everyone’s lives were threatened, the future looked very bleak. The king had somehow managed to save everyone then but unknown to the people, it was temporary. His father tried his best to negotiate and talk to the neighbouring kingdoms but there was no use – war has been declared against them yet again and he was worried King Choi was not strong enough for battle.

You held his hand stroking the back of it softly. He then apologised to you, confusing you even more. You asked him why but you had an idea already – he was taking his father’s place in war; he was going to lead the army.  

You felt as though someone pulled the ground below your feet and Seungcheol’s grip on your hand was the only thing saving you from falling. As crown prince it was his duty and you knew and understood but the thought of being away from him again was killing you on the inside. He said he wouldn’t be gone for long but you know what war meant - there was no guarantee of him even returning.

You hugged him shaking your head, refusing to let him go or insisting that he take you along with him but he simply hugged you back claiming that was not possible, it was dangerous. He told you to move to the castle while he was gone. Here you would be taken care of, you wouldn’t be lonely and most importantly, you would have the chance to get closer to his father.

You froze.  

Seungcheol let you go, making you sit on the moss-covered stone bench, sitting next to you. He said he wanted to leave you in good hands in case he didn’t make it back. You refused to listen to anything else, he promised he would always come back to you, that meant he had to come back. He laughed at your futile stubbornness, tucking your hair behind your ear, looking at you with a strange longing. You give him a soft peck on his lips to let him know he had no reason to long for you, you were always his. He pulled you in for more, taking your face in his hands, his mouth desperate against yours, like it was the last time, like a silent goodbye etched in his kiss.

It was only when the applause rang downstairs that he let you go, pressing his forehead on yours, sighing. You felt tears threaten your eyes once again as he caressed your cheek with his thumb softly, like he was trying to memorise how your face felt under his touch. He said he wished he had longer with you, he wished had done this earlier and slid onto the gravel floor onto his knees, looking up at you softly.  

Marry me, he whispered, holding your hands. 

You stared at him wordlessly as the sky behind you came alive with lights, fireworks prettily burning against the black canvas of the night. Maybe a few days ago if he asked you would have said yes without him even needing to finish. You would marry him right there and then but now you were torn. Kill the King. The words were constantly ringing in your head. How could you marry him if your mission was to…..  

He understood your silence as hesitance, saying you didn’t have to answer now, you could tell him when he returned - that way he would have something he had to come back for. He then pulled out a small necklace from his pocket, making you wear it, saying it was a reminder of him while he was away. You touched the pendant, feeling it with your fingers. It wasn’t like any jewel you had ever seen - it didn’t shine, it was an odd shape and it looked rather dull. He said it was a shell and it was from the sea.  

If he noticed your shocked reaction and stuttering as you asked him how he got it , he didn’t mention it. Instead, he answered that there was a path from behind his cottage that led to the other side of the forest, to a sea cave where land and sea met fearlessly. Before you came into his life, that was his favourite place to go - he often spent his free time there and that’s where he found this.  

You wonder if it’s a sign from the universe, receiving a part of the ocean at a time when you didn’t know what to choose.  

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The next morning, trumpets rang through the entire town, announcing that the neighbouring kingdom had declared war and the crown prince was leading the army to fight. People spilled onto the streets to watch the armoured and determined cavalry going to serve their kingdom, Seungcheol leading the troop all the way in front on his horse. You stood at the highest terrace of the castle, watching him leave, going further and further away, until the distance engulfed him and you couldn’t see him anymore. You barely had him to yourself for five minutes in the morning to say goodbye before he was called away. You convinced yourself that all this was temporary anyways, he would come back.  

With a heavy heart, you walked down the wide corridors of the palace, kkuma following your every step. You lived here now. Seungcheol had people shift your few things from the cottage to his room in the castle. Though the bed was beyond comfortable and the room was bigger than the whole cottage you lived in previously, you didn’t spend much time in there. Instead, you roamed around the gardens and corridors or stepped out into the marketplace that you never ventured in without Seungcheol by your side. Any place was better than his room. It reeked of loneliness and most importantly, it overlooked the sea. As much as the breeze gave you unexplainable comfort, it was also a constant reminder of your mission.  

As time passed, you found yourself less and less inclined to fulfilling your task. You tried your best to not let yourself be swayed but in vain – you could not help but like the king. He was nothing but welcoming and kind to you. Maybe Seungcheol told him or maybe it was just a constant in the Choi family, but he insisted that every night you join him for dinner. He would ask about your day and make light conversation, but unlike Seungcheol, he would retire early to bed. He was sick. You could see in the way he coughed through his meal, the way his eyes keep fluttering shut in tiredness towards the end of the night. Yet he did all he could to make sure you were alright.

He introduced you to the library in the castle and if you thought Seungcheol’s study had a large collection of books, this place was massive. Books were lined all the way up till the ceiling, there were all sorts of maps and globes scattered all over the room, shelfs lined with little trinkets and souvenirs from his travels. The King explained that Seungcheol like his mother, loved to explore and like him, loved science and this library was where it all came together. He used to be unstoppable ever since he was a child and his curiosity always landed him in trouble – the whole town was banned from stepping on the beach but nothing could stop him. He always wanted to explore the sea.  

It surprised you to learn about Seungcheol’s fascination with the sea because he had always told you to stay away from water, that it was dangerous. You spent days of your time in that library, going through his journals and drawings, but didn’t really understand all the scribbles of notes he had jotted everywhere. You did see on the map though, the location of the sea cave that Seungcheol had mentioned about, wondering if you could get any answers there, but somehow you could never bring yourself to go. The answers of the questions you had so far had not been pleasant.  

Then one day as you sat on the wooden floor of the sunlit room studying what looked like drawings of some strange contraption, Hannie appeared in the sky.  

You immediately got up, running out of the room, down the corridor, up the stairs, all the way to the top, to try and see Seungcheol reappear where you last saw him.

He didn’t.

Clouds made their way, covering the strong sun, submerging the town in a strange gloom. It all felt too apocalyptic. You rushed to find the King, learning that he was holding court, making your way to the hall, stopping right by the door and hiding yourself to overhear the discussion.

The Chois were ambushed.

More than half the forces were dead or injured, many were missing and as though your greatest fear came true, Seungcheol was missing too. He was also very badly injured and no one had seen or heard from him in two days, it was highly likely he succumbed to his injuries. You refused to believe it. He said he would come back to you, which meant he would, you believed him. But no one else seemed to share the same faith as you. They were going to give up, surrender the throne to prevent an attack on the town itself. That was when to everyone’s surprise you barged in.

You insisted nothing was wrong with Seungcheol and they had to find him and finish this war. They tried to reason with you, tell you the facts but you refused to hear it. You questioned how they could give up so soon and why they aren’t even trying to find him. They claimed they had to clear out from enemy territory, that it could be dangerous going back there. You turned to the King hoping you could at least reason with him but his tired old face looks like he’s already mourning his son.  You ran out of there, unable to come to terms with what was happening.

You would find him yourself if that’s what it took.

Rushing to the royal stables, you picked the horse that looked the strongest and forced its gates open, ignoring the crimson bleeding out of your hand as you cut it on the metal. Before the poor stable boy could stop you, you mounted it, riding out of the palace, into the unprepared town. People hurriedly ran out of the way, pulling their carts and children to the side, nothing but wind left behind as you raced through. You had your eyes on Hannie flying in the sky above you. You knew it could lead you to him, you just had to follow. You were almost successful in crossing the gates of the town, into the woods, when the royal guards caught up, surrounding you.

The head of security begged you to stop, that you were putting the kingdom in more jeopardy and you couldn’t let your desire to protect one man affect everyone. You wanted to argue, tell him that you didn’t care about anyone else and to insist that they let you go but when you turned and saw all the people stepping out of their houses to see what the commotion is, you let go the reins of the horse. Yes, finding Seungcheol was most important to you, but not at the cost of so many people’s lives. You knew better than that, you could never be that selfish.

As though Hannie sympathised, it landed on your softly shoulder, nuzzling your neck, cooing in your ear. You took him in your hands, the bloodied hand further darkening the red on its chest, a thought forming in your mind. You smudge the blood onto your fingertips, tracing a word onto its white, a word that you knew would bring Seungcheol back to you. As you set it free hoping it would find him, you watch the yes etched on it, praying to the skies that when it returns, Seungcheol follows it like always.  

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You didn’t return to the castle after that.  

Turning your horse in the other direction, you rode to Seungcheol’s cottage by the woods, the only place you felt close to him. The big room and big bed of the castle might be physically comfortable but nothing made you feel at peace like this house, your safe haven. You were curled up in the bed for hours now as the sun slowly began to descend behind the mountains. You just had to give it time. You kept telling yourself it wasn’t a matter of if Seungcheol returned but when. He would come back for you, he would fight all odds and come back, you knew it.  

The sound of the horses neighing at a distance made you sit up. The royal guards must be here to escort you back to the castle now that it was getting darker outside. You didn’t want to go. You couldn’t stand being in that castle again.

Grabbing the oil lantern nearby, you soundlessly left through the back door, kkuma following you just as quietly. You thought you could just wait it out until the guards didn’t find you and returned to the castle but when kkuma began wandering away, you had no choice but to follow her. Not listening to your hushed whispers, with a mind of her own, she ventured into the forest and thoughtlessly, you followed. It’s only when the trees parted that you realised where you were – the sea cave.  

You didn’t know what you were expecting when Seungcheol mentioned about this place but it was beyond beautiful. The crystal blue waves were racing back and forth on the golden sand, the stone wall of the caves were gradients of brown rocks and green weeds. There were holes eroded onto the roof, the evening sun softly pouring in and in that soft light you noticed in the corner, folded are some blankets and books that clearly belonged to Seungcheol – he indeed must have spent a long time here. Kkuma settled herself down in the warmth of the bundled cloths, as you placed the lantern on a nearby rock and kicked your shoes off, feeling the warm sand under your feet.  

The water was inches away. The Ocean, the place that, if you had assumed right, was your home. Every bone in your body was craving to be in it, to submerge in it, to just feel alive in it once again. You walked ahead, taking one step after another, but the closer you moved to the waters, the further it seemed to be moving away from you. You quickened your steps, but the Sea kept retreating, pulling away. It surprised you to receive such hostility from waters that always looked so welcoming but not more than the voice that boomed through the cave, making you look around in panic. There was no one, you were all alone and kkuma too was fast asleep, like she didn’t hear anything. When you turned back to the sea, you bit back a scream, coming face to face with a woman, whose eyes were piercing into you, her lips curled into a smile as her voice echoed through the cave again. 

I see you’ve finally found your way home.  

Pain like no other seared through your head, making you fall to your knees in agony, your dress fanning out in the sand. As the woman bent down to your level, you scrambled back, swallowing the phantom lump in your throat, taking a better look at her. Holding a staff in one hand, she looked as old as time, her white hair and ragged clothes floating like she was still in the waters and that’s when you realised, she wasn’t actually here – it was apparition, like… magic. As though she read your mind, she confirmed it indeed was magic, that she controlled all the magic of the Sea - she was after all the Sea Witch.  

You recalled Seungcheol’s story about how the Sea had taken away magic from the Land, watching the legend come to life before you as the woman floated a few feet above the ground, looking at you expressionlessly. Who am I? Do I belong to the Sea? Why am I on Land?  You knew she was the only one who could possibly have the answers and she did - for a price.  

She pointed at the shell on your neck, claiming it belonged to the Sea – give it back and you could have all the answers you wanted. You held it in your grasp; it was the only thing of Seungcheol’s you had with you. You could either lose it and learn who you are or keep it and walk away, return to the castle. You could let your forgotten past remain forgotten and think only about the future with Seungcheol.  

But is there a future? She asked, reading your mind yet again. You knew what she meant. Seungcheol went to war and people died in war all the time. If he did not make it back, you had no place on Land, no home, no one to call your own. But if you were to find out who you truly are, you could then return to where you truly belonged. You tightened your grip on the shell, the pressure opening your wound, the blood spilling again. Giving up this necklace meant admitting to the possibility that Seungcheol will not return. How did that make you any different from all the others in the court who you lashed out at? 

The Sea Witch looked at you fighting your own battle in your head. She held out her hand saying if it was meant to be, then Seungcheol would return to you, regardless of whether you had this necklace or not. You know she’s playing you but give in, ripping the chain from your throat and throwing it into the waters, watching it sink into the dark bottom.  

The waves which seemed so afraid of you, raised themselves, almost as though bowing to you and the Sea Witch mirrored their action before straightening and looking up but this time, respectfully not meeting your eye.  

What do you seek, Princess of the Ocean.  

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You held the dagger in your hand tight, hands not shaking as you approached the dining room.  

The moment you returned to the castle, the maids had told you dinner was served and the king was waiting for you. You washed up and changed out of your sand filled clothes into one of your usual red dresses. Maybe there was a reason why you liked red so much – maybe deep down you knew you needed to hide the blood on your hands somewhere.  

You had to kill the King tonight.  

You stood in front of the large doors, the dagger that the Sea Witch gave in your hands, hiding efficiently in the large fabric of your dress. Once you stepped in, everything would change. You would become the killer of Seungcheol’s father, but you would also finally be fulfilling your duty to your people, the MerFolk.  

The Sea Witch told you the story from when it all began. The legends were all true. The merfolk were real, the life under the sea was real, everything you had experienced was real. 3 months ago, you were a part of the Sea, living a carefree life as the youngest princess of the royal family. Then one move by King Choi and everything changed.  

Over the centuries even though the entire ocean was ruled by just one family, without the power of magic, land had split into many Kingdoms and many rulers. Unlike the peace in the Sea, Land was always at war with itself, neighbouring kingdoms attacking and occupying towns – they never got rid of the battle they thought they won. One such battle happened three months ago at the Kingdom of the Chois where they were invaded by their neighbours, the Hans. At the brink of losing war, King Choi did the unthinkable – he set sail.

His deep interest in the Sea, that his son eventually inherited, had led him to spend years of his youth designing and building ships, the last of which had been burned during the Pact. The Sea allowed his soldiers to take an alternative route to attack their invaders and drive them out but the moment the ships had touched the ocean waters, years of peace dissolved into chaos.  

As the calm waters were shaken, towns under the Sea began falling apart – many merfolk died, many lost their homes, many lost their way back and among all the tragedies, the greatest one was losing your mother, the Queen.  

Her death left the entire Ocean without a leader, without a protector. Your sister, the oldest in the family, who had been trained for years to take over as queen was missing, like many others in the aftermath. The kingdom waited for days for her to show up until it was not practical to anymore – the ocean needed rebuilding, it needed leadership and guidance. As the only one left in the royal family, you had offered to take your mother’s place as queen but the Council of the Sea refused. You were young and inexperienced and unlike your sister, you were not trained to take over the Kingdom. They wanted to hand the Sea to the Hwangs, another family who had their eye on the throne for centuries now and were willing to take up the responsibility of the Ocean.  

You couldn’t let that happen, not only would it crush your mother’s dreams if the Kang lineage of rulers ended with her but also the Hwangs were notoriously famous for their aggressiveness. Under their hands, there was no saying what the future of the Ocean would look like. The citizens of the sea protested too – they were all on your side, they wanted you to rule and so the Council of the Sea and the Hwangs agreed – if you could prove yourself worthy.  

Kill the King of the Land.  

Blood for blood. Get revenge for the destruction of the Sea, that was the order. That was the price for you to get back your kingdom and 100 days was all you had to do it.

That’s when they called on the Sea Witch. Breathing on Land for 100 days would require very powerful and ancient magic, something only she was capable of. But it would not be so straightforward. The process would be excruciatingly painful, almost like becoming a new person, like being born again - quite literally because it would wipe out all your memories, everything you know of the Sea would be taken away. You would be sent to Land like a blank slate.  

That meant you had 100 days to go on Land, figure out who you were, learn of your mission and complete it. Should you fail, not only would you lose your kingdom, but the waters had no forgiveness for those who disobeyed magic so ancient – you would join them again, but as sea foam.  

Today was day 92. You only had 8 days left.  

You pushed open the doors of the dining hall, eyes falling on the King tiredly slouched in his chair waiting for you. He must’ve fallen asleep because he didn’t move when you approached. You looked at face responsible for the death of your mother, the disappearance of your sister, the destruction of your kingdom and you felt numb. You still couldn’t bring yourself to hate him, but you also couldn’t walk away. Yes, if only he didn’t bring out his ships you wouldn’t have lost so much, you wouldn’t be here but you know like any other good king, he did it to save his people. And now you had to do whatever it took to save yours.  

And then fate smirked.

Just as you raised the knife and were about to plunge it in his chest, you heard the fluttering sound of wings and on the balcony landed Hannie, looking more red than white. The knife slipped from your hands, landing on the floor with a thud as the king stirred awake. His guards burst into the room as the royal trumpets echoed through the night. You rushed to Hannie in the balcony, the one that overlooked the town, and saw the oil lanterns of the houses, slowly increase in number, getting brighter and brighter in the darkness. The king and his men departed immediately and so you followed them, holding Hannie in one hand and your dress in the other, running down the palace corridors and out the gate to see a crowd gathered.  

As it parted, it revealed Seungcheol's horse and holding onto its reins walking it was Seungcheol, bruised and battered, blood splattered all over him, multiple wounds gashed open, barely but still alive. Take a staggering step at a time, he approached his father bowing and whispered, We won before collapsing into the gravel.  

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Seungcheol was immediately taken away by the royal physicians as the king announced to the people that the war was over and the town erupted into cheers. You tried to follow the doctors to be with him but they closed the door on your face, asking you to stay out. So, you stayed right outside, the whole night, prancing about, biting your nails, as you waited for the news.  

Instead, you were met with screams. You don’t know what they were doing to Seungcheol in there but he was evidentially in unbearable pain – you could hear in the way the screams ripped out of his throat, like he was in pure agony. It went on for hours and it was so terrifying to hear, you felt your heart shatter every time it rang through the halls. 

Finally at the crack of dawn he seemed to calm down and the doors finally opened. He was deeply wounded and his body was beyond exhausted, he just needed some sleep, the physicians assured you and the king, who unknown to you had also arrived. You thanked them and hurried in to see Seungcheol peacefully lying on the bed, bandages wrapped all over his body.

You sat beside him as the king gently stroked his son’s hair both proudly and sadly, muttering that he would pray for him to heal soon. As you held Seungcheol’s hand in yours, the king requested you to stay by the former’s side till he woke up. You assured him you would, to which he nodded and to both your shock and horror, pulled out the dagger which you had dropped in the dining room the day before. You held your breath as he placed it on the table beside the bed, not even looking at you. I believe this is yours.  

He knew.  

He figured out that you had attempted to take his life, but the tired old man didn’t say anything as he left. Instead, the royal guards placed at the door told you what you needed to know.

You failed your mission. Not only had you let down your people, you were discovered and now you were to be tried for treason. You only had till Seungcheol woke up. Lips quivering, you held onto his hand tighter. 

You didn’t know if fate was showing you mercy or prolonging your agony but it took almost 2 whole days for Seungcheol to finally wake up.   

You hadn’t left his room since you had entered it. Not only were you not allowed to, but you didn’t want to leave Seungcheol’s side. You either sat beside him, or in the balcony overlooking the ocean for hours together with kkuma curled up next to you and hannie flying around in the sky. The two of them had been awfully calm, as though they too knew what was coming.

Finally, on the 94th night, just as you had closed the doors of his bedroom and prepared your bed to sleep, Seungcheol stirred awake. You immediately rushed to his side as his eyes fluttered open, and the moment they landed on you, he broke into the most peaceful smile. You sighed in relief, softly holding his cheek in your hand, asking him how he was feeling.  

You said yes.  

Hannie flew into the room like a reminder of your message to him but his words only pained you. Things had changed so much since then. Not only could you not marry him but you had now become worthy of his hatred. You don’t think you can bear to see anything but love for you in his eyes.

Leaning down you kissed him, whispering that you loved him and that you wish no matter what, he always remembered that. He didn’t seem to understand your words, still reeling in the happiness of your acceptance of his proposal as he pulled you into his arms, wrapping you in the embrace you were craving for.  

As the two of you laid for hours together, wrapped in each other, he told you how they had been ambushed before they even reached the battlefield - someone had betrayed them. His horse had saved him, taking him away into the woods, far from his attackers but he was already very badly injured. It was Hannie who arrived with your yes that truly saved him. He knew he had to come back for you so he pushed through. He regrouped what was left of the army and infiltrated the enemy camp that was prematurely celebrating their victory and gained the upper hand.  

You snuggled closer in his warmth, hoping he wouldn’t see the guilt on your face when he spoke of you like you were his saviour. Everything would change tomorrow. Tonight was your last night with him, your last chance to create a memory for him to remember you by. As he went on about how tomorrow morning he would talk to the king about the wedding, you kissed him, cutting him off. Tonight you only wanted to love and love you did.  

Of all the nights you spent with Seungcheol, nothing felt like this. There was a strange desperation carved in the way you undressed each other, hands roaming, names whispered against skin. You took the lead this time, clambering on top of him and he stared at you like you were his whole world and more. Tucking your hair behind your ear, he told you how lucky he was to have you and you pushed the recurring feeling of guilt down and claimed him for yourself one last time.

A clash of hands, tongues and moans, he matched your need, leaving marks of love on your shoulder and chest. Burying your face in his neck, you held back the tears of pain and pleasure and a goodbye all dissolved in one as you came apart above him. Like always his arms held you in his embrace as though stopping you from losing yourself but it was too late. Everything had fallen apart already.  

----------------------------------------------------------

When you woke up, the bed was empty.  

Seungcheol was not in the room, neither were the maids scurrying in as usual, cleaning up and neither were the guards who were placed outside the doors all these days. You walked down the corridors which were overtaken by a strange emptiness, wondering where everyone was. It was late in the afternoon judging by the sun but the palace was looking bleaker than usual.  

That was when your eyes fell on the flag of the kingdom hoisted down, flying low.  

Mourning.  

You rushed back towards the bedroom wing of the palace, heart beating erratically against your still lungs, till you found the royal physicians walking out of a chamber, looking dejected. The kings chamber.  

As you got closer, you noticed the officials of the royal court had all gathered around, dressed in black, heads hanging, faces in sorrow. They parted, letting you walk in to see Seungcheol standing at the edge of the bed, looking down at the king who laid peacefully in a slumber he would never wake up from.

The moment you put your hand on his shoulder Seungcheol turned. He wasn’t crying but there was so much pain in his face, it made you want to take him in your arms and hide him there forever. But you didn’t. You rubbed his arms softly whispering that you will wait for him outside, knowing he needed time with his father, the last of his family.  

But the moment you stepped out, the royal guards surrounded you, their spears pointing at you from a distance and you knew the time had come. By the order of the late king, after Prince Choi was awake, you were to be imprisoned for treason. For life.  

 ----------------------------------------------------------

You might have been forced into a four stone walled dark cell for 5 days now but there was no greater prison that your own mind. As the moonlight creeped through the metal bars of the window on top, you sat crouched in the little dark space, leaning against the cold rocks. It was always so silent in here, you only ever heard the crashing of the waves against the walls, each ebb and flow reminding you of where you truly belonged.  

With the king now dead, your mission was complete, you could go back home. You could go back to your people, you could take back your kingdom but somehow you lacked the strength or the will to fight your way out of here. It would mean facing Seungcheol, who in the last many days had not come even once to see you. With each passing minute in his absence a part of you was glad to not see the disgust he would hold for you but another was broken at the thought of this being the end of the love you shared. As you fought your inner battle as a lover and a princess, time, the one thing that you did not have, kept slipping away.  

And then for the first time in 5 days, a shadow other than your own was cast in the moonlight. Seungcheol’s.  

You stood up, taken aback by his presence after so long but more by the sound of the gates opening and the guards asking you to step out, leading you out of the prison cell. You were free.  

It was only then in the light of the fire lit corridors that you saw him, dressed in finery like never before and on his head rested the whole responsibility of the kingdom - the crown. 

It was no longer Prince Seungcheol, he was now King Choi Seungcheol.  

Seeing him like that, your heart swelled with pride. When you found out Seungcheol was the prince you weren’t really as surprised as you should have been because it was only then that things made perfect sense. You had seen the king in him all along. One of the reasons that you loved him so much was because of what a good man he was, always thoughtful of others, always helping those in need, always looking out. No one was more worthy of being king than him.   

But before you can say anything to him, the maids brought you away to his room, complaining that you needed a change of clothes and a good bath. As they helped you strip out and scrubbed your neglected skin, they talked about how Seungcheol was furious when he learnt of your imprisonment. He insisted that you be released at once but he could not do anything as the royal guards would only take orders from the king. Stubborn to get you released no matter what, he sped up the coronation, which was due two weeks later and was crowned king just hours ago. His first order as ruler was that you be immediately released.  

You asked to be left alone for a bit, soaking yourself in the water after days now. Why did Seungcheol let you go? Did he not believe you tried to kill his father? Or did he love you so much that he was willing to forgive you for the attempt?

You couldn’t even ask him. He would not be free of the coronation festivities which apparently went on till sunrise and you didn’t have long before you had to return to the ocean – it was already day 99.  

Maybe it was better this way. You had your duties like he had his. Maybe if you left without giving him an explanation and without getting one, it would be easier for the love between the two of you to die. It had to die. The two of you belonged to two different worlds. There was no a happily ever after written for this story.   

You slid against the bath, submerging yourself into the waters, trying to breathe in peace again.  

But the nightmare had not ended. The voices were not gone.  

Kill the King.  

----------------------------------------------------------

When you walked out of the bathroom, Seungcheol was there.  

He was sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed in his usual simple clothes again. In fact, he was wearing the same white shirt as the first time you ever saw him. The irony was not lost on you. It was like fate was not tired of the joke after joke after joke it was playing. 

You walked in, asking him what he was doing away from the celebrations when you noticed what was in his hands. The dagger. Your dagger.  

It's been a while since I told you a story.  

He looked up, meeting your eye in the mirror, his finger dangerously dragging against the blade.  

Do you remember the legend of the sea?  

Why was the talking about this to you right now?  

There's more, he claimed, standing up, turning to you. In that blue sea of dangerous creatures and vicious beings also lived the most beautiful woman in the world.  

You can hear your heart thumping in your ear.  

One day, the woman of the waters found herself on land. She was sent with a mission.

You took a step back. How could he possibly know all this?

You may have forgotten everything Y/n. But I didn't. He walked up to you. You may remember only 3 months of our love, but I remember 10 years of it.

You didn't understand. You didn't understand at all.

The young woman had been interested in the Land and humans ever since she was a little girl. Even though the merfolk were clearly warned to stay away from humans and shallow waters were dangerous to swim in, she would always escape the barricades quietly, to see whatever little of Land she would.

Finally, when she was 14 years old, she discovered a little secret - a sea cave. It was the only place where the waters next to land were deep enough, where she could get close to the land without being in much danger. She would come there often just to look at the sand and the rocks but she never saw any humans.

Until one day, a young, 14 year old Prince, distraught at the loss of his mother had ventured into the forest all alone and found the cave.  

You remember Seungcheol telling you he moved to the cottage after the death of his mother when he was 14.

The price was also just as interested in the Sea as she was in land but unlike her, he did the stupid thing of entering the waters - he immediately started drowning.

That was the day she saved him the first time. Holding her breath to the point she couldn't anymore, she pulled him onto the sand before disappearing into the ocean. The last thing he remembered was seeing her most beautiful face.

After that the prince came everyday. Initially the young girl never showed herself. He knew she was there though, deeper in the waters, lurking silently. He would come every morning and just sit in the sand doing his assignments, glancing at the sea every once in a while and when the sun would start to set, he would return. Slowly, much to his anticipation and delight, she started coming up closer and closer to the surface until one day when he was 16, Seungcheol for the first time, put his hand in the water and touched hers.

It was magical, like nothing he ever felt before.

Then he started to get reckless again, trying to enter the waters, almost drowning too, but this time she held his hand and taught him to swim. Of the many hours he spent in the cave, a few minutes were always in the water, swimming by her side, and the rest were just watching her glide through the waves.

When he was 18, he created something extraordinary. He had always been a bit of a science man but after years of trial and error, he had finally made a device - a little mask of sorts that could help him breathe underwater, for about an hour or so. He didn't have to hold his breath anymore - he was able to spend longer under the sea, longer with her.

When he went to show it to her, she had discovered a little secret of her own - weeds. Not any kind but a very particular one that only grew in the Sea witches house. She apparently used to work for one, to learn magic, like all her other siblings did. There she had come across these very special plants that allowed merfolk to breathe on land.

That was the first time she stepped on land. The moment she did, she succumbed to her knees, throwing up water in the sand. Even the weed had its downsides, the most important one being that its affect only seemed to last an hour or so. But the hour she had with him on land and he had with her in the waters were more than enough - Their worlds were no longer barriers.

That went on for years, these secret meetings. Initially it was just sharing laughs, then dreams, then the thought of a whole life together. He taught her how to read and write their language, she drew him maps of different lands, far away in the sea. He taught her about science and she taught him about magic. His stories about the land animals fascinated her and her stories about the sea creatures terrified him.

When he was 20, he kissed her for the first time. When they were 22, they made love and when they were 24, around a 100 days ago, she told him she had to come to land for a mission.

It felt like someone had knocked the air out of your lungs. How was any of this possible?

She didn't say what her mission was, just that she had something to do and she needed him to help her. She would apparently arrive on land with all her memories gone and she needed him to guide her to find her way back. He didn't understand but she didn't have the time to tell him more. She just handed him a shell necklace and told him to give it to her when the time was right, it would help her figure things out.

So did you figure it out Y/n? He took you hand, placing the knife laced with his blood in it. Was your mission to kill my father?

You shook your head slowly, still processing all the information.

"It was to kill you."

The moment you heard your voice again in that bath, you felt like your life just left you. You thought the mission was completed - the king was dead. Then why were you still hearing it.... except you didn't complete the mission. You didn't kill the king, you didn't use the dagger.

Now the king was right in front of you. The man you just  discovered you had been in love with your whole life. The man who made you fall in love with him all over again. The man who you had to kill to stay alive.

But he didn't look even a little fazed.

The sky behind you was starting to get brighter. The sun was rising. The 100th day was nearly here.

"Its okay." He whispered, moving closer to you without an ounce of fear. "Do it."

How could he love you so much, enough to die for you?

You could feel the tears rolling down your cheeks. He gently wiped it away, shaking his head. You kissed the inside of his hand on your cheek, and then pulled him close, feeling his mouth against yours for what you knew was the last time.

As you whispered an apology, he assured you it was okay. That you were the most beautiful thing that ever happened to him. And there was no better way for him to go than you being the last thing he saw.

You took a step back.

"Till death do us apart."

And then another step.

"Till death do us apart."

And then another, till you reached the window overlooking the ocean, you back against it.

You smiled at him.

He was not the only one who loved you enough to die.

The sun had risen quite high by now. You were simply a silhouette against the light, an outline and soon a memory. Before Seungcheol could even realise what you were doing, you leaned back. He ran towards you, as you let yourself drop, only just missing his outstretched hand trying to pointlessly save you, taken away by the winds, taken away to the sea.

As the sun fully rose in the sky, the dagger in you hands landed in the ocean with a splash, sinking to the bottom slowly, disappearing from existence.

And around it was sea foam, finally reclaimed by the waters where it belonged, gently floating away in peace.

[aetheternity]

What ruins the mood during sex

A/N: {I remember writing one of these posts for AOT like three years ago. How times have changed.} Ok so like when I was writing Venti and Xiao's I felt a weird sense of Deja Vu like I'd somehow read a scenario like this in someone else's work but I can't tell if it's a real genuine feeling I should look into further or if it's some kind of random emotion based on this prompt which has been done to death as it is. But if someone tells me that someone else wrote this prompt with those two and created the same scenario I would look into it.

A/N 2: Ok so like I took my sweet time posting this because I wanted to see if I'd manage to come up with an idea for Kazuha, Albedo and Scaramouche but I could not. So if you want to know why they're not here that's why. (Yes this is a repost)

Characters: Aether, Cyno, Heizou, Tighnari, Venti, Xiao

Disclaimer: Adult situations, MDNI.

Cyno: In, a quickie turned accidental creampie.

He's got such a nice pace going. Your arms wrapped around his neck, legs tangled around his waist. Eyes fluttering shut as he slams your hips into the desk beneath you.

"Cy, are you gonna cum?"

He hums a quick reply, hips stuttering forward.

Your eyes nearly pop out of their sockets, "Wait! Cyno not inside!"

He manages to pull out but not before he'd already stained your clenching walls and a couple drops along your ass. "Since when do you want me to pull out?" He groans, eyes narrowing at the cum drenching the desk beneath you.

"Ugh! I just.. didn't want to walk around like this all day! I won't be able to shower till night fall.." You sigh in frustration. Spreading your legs wider to see the damage. "I guess I should've warned you sooner but I thought about it too late."

He simply grunts, "I will help you clean up as much as possible."



Aether: In, which one of us didn't lock the door?

He's got your hips from behind. A rather long moan cresting off his lips as he gets sucked in as deeply as he can go. Your own eyes rolling to the skies as you pull him in, pressing your hips back into his with vigor.

That is until the door creaks open suddenly, Paimon's voice loudly calling. Luckily Aether was far quicker he launched a pillow at full speed taking Paimon out fast enough for him to slam the door shut.

"Not now Paimon!" He screamed over her protests.

Meanwhile you'd already taken to the floor. Stripping the blanket from the bed as you tried and failed to hide your laughter.

Aether on the other hand looks less than amused.



Xiao: In, on the edge of glory.

You'd been teaching Xiao little things about mortal sexual relations. Not so much for testing purposes simply because he'd asked. Most of the things you'd talked about got you one of two reactions: A blank stare or a disappointed eye roll. Though as much as you wanted to properly ask, you decided against questioning Xiao's sexual exploration. For at least the time being.

At some point however Xiao had slid a book in front of you. The page already flipped to a section about edging. Now your mind probably shouldn't have immediately jumped to shock followed by an internal battle over your Xiao Xiao reading a book but-

"I wish to try this out.." He mumbled, staring off into space as he spoke.

"Of course."

Seeing as you'd done at least this much before: Getting him hard and then getting him close to cumming had been fairly easy. His breaths short and heavy as you worked him up just enough to perfectly edge him. That is until you started to work him up again only for his sensitivity to win out. His body crumbling as he covered his chest and your hand with his load.

You giggle a little at how easily, he quells at even your softest touches. Which of course was logical. He hadn't exactly done this with anyone else before.

"Aw Xiao.." You peered up at him completely endeared. Your heart fluttering so hard when you saw the way his eyes were squeezed shut and the bright red adorning his cheeks. "Xiao! It's ok! don't make that face honey it's ok."

He weakly grumbles but you just continue your praise, pressing kisses into the crook of his neck and along each of his shoulders. "We can try again, I promise."



Heizou: In, injuries may occur.

The way you've got his cock sliding between your lips, so slowly, so perfectly it makes him weak. He presses your head deeper, pushing you a little faster with soft words of encouragement.

On a particular stroke you manage to press deeper than you'd ever done before. Enough to kiss his pelvic bone. The feeling so intense Heizou's leg jolts, hard enough that his foot comes in contact with your stomach.

"Man alive! I'm sorry!" He pulls your face back, straightening up to check you for discomfort. "Are you ok?" His thumb softly massages your cheek.

"It's fine Shika." You simply grin. "It was good to know you were feeling good."

"Ugh, but that still couldn't have felt great.. Allow me to make it up to you somehow."

"What do you have in mind?"

Safe to say that moment had been ruined but perhaps the "moment" wasn't.



Tighnari: In, maybe you should've just left it there..

He's barely had a moment to sneak away all day and boy does he need it with the way you've been teasing him. He's nearly reached his limit and is about to shove you against the closest tree when a small window of opportunity arises.

The rookie forest rangers have a lunch break.. and that means so does he.

He slides into you so eagerly the second he gets you alone. Bracing your hips against his desk as he pounds you so unabashedly. Little giggles and moans falling off your lips. That is until a tube of some mysterious powder rolls its way off the desk, cracking as it collides with the floor.

"Shit.." Without hesitation Tighnari pulls out yanking the tube up from where it'd dropped. Unfortunately too quickly as his head immediately slams into the table's end. So quickly and so roughly it clattered around with you atop it.

"Oh archons, are you ok?!" You slide off the desk basically dropping onto the floor beside him. Tighnari's whine surprisingly loud as he rubs the back of his head just below his ear.

"I'll be fine but agh.. ow!"

Safe to say you two should probably finish later.



Venti: In, bless you??

You cup his face, devouring any and every moan he musters as they fill your open lips. His face scrunches up and you prepare for that all too familiar full body shudder he always does when he cums.

"Almost there, Love, so close." You coo

He lets out a little noise of confusion, nose twitching and before you can even begin to question it you're immediately covered in snot and spit. A surprise that's just as soon followed by him pumping you full of cum.

"Oh wow!" He chuckles "I'm so so sorry darling, I didn't realize I still had any sneezes left from my earlier performance at the Cats Tail ehe~"

"Venti.."

"I'm still so very sorry.."

"Run."

[daechwitatamic]

Vice;Grip || chapter 2 || chs

(banner by @itaeewon)

Vice;Grip (masterpost) NSFW - minors DNI Genre: angst smut fluff, fuckbuddies!au Summary: Make it not hurt, you could have asked him. Or, at least, make it hurt in a way I choose.  A/N: infinite thank you's to @sailoryooons and @eoieopda for beta-ing!! //

Warnings: Frequent depictions of depression, depressive episodes, panic attacks, and substance abuse (alcohol, weed, and pills referenced). PLEASE know that these characters’ relationships with drugs and alcohol are not healthy and should not be emulated. If these topics are triggering to you, please consider sitting this one out.

Section Specific Warnings: depiction of a depressive episode, recreational drinking and bar scenes, allusion to oral (f. receiving), kissing, rough sex/man-handling, explicit penetrative sex, dirty talk, aftercare, didn't venture fully into writing dom!vernon but i have been informed i wrote something that might be in the realm of a dom drop, language obviously, reader is called a gendered slur by a stranger, law-breaking :), actual fluff for a second, allusions to drug use, car sex

wc: 6900

Playlist: you can call me in the middle of the night / you can leave before i wake up in the morning / and it could feel so wrong / but i'll still hold on

1 yr, 5 months ago

The onset of spring brought a lack of color. Grey clouds hung full and heavy, low over the city skyline. Grey crept into the corners of your apartment, darkening rooms during daytime so that you needed to keep lamps on even in midafternoon. Grey crept over your body, into your limbs. Days stretched and nights inched; you only got out of bed because you had to feed the damn cat.

That's part of why you'd gotten the cat in the first place, after a particularly long episode a few years ago, when Chan had presented you with a list of things he thought you should do to combat the blues, as he'd put it.

He meant well. But he always came at your depression like a problem solver, like just doing the right things could make it go away.

And sure, his suggestions were things that would help - get outside, call someone, don't isolate, shower even if you aren't leaving the house, drink some damn water - they weren't a cure. They were better reminders for when you were okay - good at keeping you okay for longer stretches. But when it was already too late, when the grey came, they all sounded fucking pointless. 

Anyway. The cat had been a good idea. 

is it bad?? 

Chan did his best. He was a good best friend. He just didn't understand it.

The answer to his question, you thought, as you flipped your phone over so you wouldn't see the notification if he followed up, was yes. Yes, this time was particularly bad. But you didn't have the energy to type those three words. 

Terrible friend, your brain accused, and it was right. 

You managed to drag yourself to work, to at least show up so you could continue to pay for your apartment and your damn cat, but not much else. You existed on cans of diet coke and microwave meals. You doom-scrolled until sunrise, then slept an hour or two at most before getting dressed for work. You left texts unanswered, the mail piled up. So did the dishes. 

Chan came by, once, did your dishes for you. It made you feel worse - useless and pitiable. You'd rather he just go away, but you held it in; you knew that would only hurt his feelings.

You learned from your mistakes, one thing that could be said in your favor. 

“Have you called your doctor?” he wanted to know.

What was the point? There wasn't a stop hating your life pill. 

“What if you tried painting?” he asked.

“What if you just let me be?” you countered, finally tripping over the line from embarrassed apathy to defensiveness. 

That pout again. “It might help,” he said. “Don't most famous artists do their best shit when they're down?”

“Get out,” you deadpanned. He dropped it, knowing this was a bigger issue, a bigger argument, than this current episode, a complex situation that went beyond the boundaries of your brain chemistry.

He put the last of your now-clean plates away. “Let's go somewhere,” he suggested.

“Chan,” you groaned. “I’m tired. I can't go gallivanting -”

“You're not tired, you're depressed,” he argued. “And going outside will help you.”

“I might have to kill you,” you said seriously, and he rolled his eyes. 

In the end, he let you win. He'd been around long enough to know that eventually you'd venture outside again, hit the bars with him again, text first again, laugh at his stupid memes again. It was just a waiting game. 

Still, when he left, you sat on the edge of your couch with your chin in your hands. On the living room rug, the cat rolled and showed you its belly. 

“Not you, too,” you groused. 

The cat did a few alligator rolls and then scampered into your bedroom and under the bed, as if chased. 

You sighed. You made your way to the spare room, which had been shut - to keep the cat out. To keep your ghosts in. 

Your easel was still set up in the corner. You were kind of surprised it wasn't covered in cobwebs. You'd been sketching just on paper last time you'd worked, trying to make decisions that way so you wouldn't waste a canvas, and it still sat there. 

You inched closer, ran your hands over your brushes. Took a step back, eyed the paper and your sketches. 

It was bad. Thank god you hadn't put it to canvas. 

You pulled the paper down, crumpled it in your hands. You chased the cat out with a gentle nudge of your foot, and closed the door again, keeping both cats and ghosts on their respective sides of the door.

There was no rhyme or reason to your brain, no map or calendar to follow for the starts or stops. But eventually, the clouds broke. The grey gave way to baby buds of green, yellows pushed through soil, determined to meet the sun.

You texted Chan - drinks??

He responded - about time!!!

You texted Vernon - hello, its me

When he didn't answer, you tried again - sorry for the radio silence. 

Still nothing. 

You checked his socials, saw that he'd been doing his thing - a smattering of selfies, some group shots with the guys he played music with sometimes, a few nature shots: the moon, once, and what looked like the river at night. 

The silence stretched. You gave up, considered it over. Grieved a little, because it had been good. 

You went out on a night that teased summer even though it was months away, sank into the familiar blur of too many shots - not enough to be a problem, but maybe enough to make problems. 

Under the club's ever-moving lights, you took a selfie, your drink and cleavage both showcased in the shot. 

Send it to Vernon, the urge to make trouble suggested, and you listened without hesitation.

And - finally - an answer.

come here after?? 

You smiled a tiny, victorious smile and knocked back the rest of your drink. 

omw.

Later, he gave you a rare and devastating pout as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, smoothed fingers down the still-shaking inside of your thigh.

“What'd you make me wait so long for?” he complained, those sharp eyes sparkling with mirth. When you shrugged, still a little mindless from your high, he gave the same spot on your thigh a playful slap. “Don't do it again.”

1 yr, 4 months ago

busy tonight?

not busy but.

???

not in the best mood.

bet i could fix that.

yeah. idk.

why don't you let me try? 

“What's wrong?” you cooed, teasing, when Vernon let you into the apartment. 

He didn't smile, didn't play along, and it sobered you quickly. 

“Don't want to talk about it,” he muttered, crowding into your space. “Wasn't that big of a deal anyway.”

Just want the fix you promised, he thought. 

You moaned like liquid gold when his first kiss was a bite. Encouraged, Vernon gripped you by the shoulders, pushing you back against the wall hard enough that he heard your breath escape in a single huff. He hesitated, eyes searching your face; a question.

You lifted your chin, eyes shining with something hard. When he kissed you again, you threaded your fingers through his hair and pulled, hard enough to make him hiss; an answer.

His pace was frenzied from the start, your legs around his waist and the wall holding you up. His hand curled around your throat, not squeezing, but sliding up to grip at your jaw instead, keeping you from tilting your head back, closing your eyes, losing yourself in how he felt slamming his hips flush against yours with dizzying smacks.

When you whined that you were close, he pulled you away from the wall and lowered you both to the ground, the wooden floor of his entryway cold and hard beneath your spine. It didn’t matter, didn’t do anything to stop the vortex tightening below your stomach. You slapped a hand over your face as it distorted in pleasure, Vernon kneeling between the legs you still had gripping his waist, one of his hands braced on the floor next to your head, holding his body over you.

“That’s right,” he breathed, gritted teeth flashing over you, forehead wrinkling as his own release closed in on the chase. “Just fucking take it when I fuck you into the floor.”

Then he was pulling out, breaths hissing through his teeth as he straightened up, one hand pumping himself furiously until strings of white decorated your stomach, cooling immediately in the apartment’s chilly air.

His breathing was ragged as he sagged back onto his heels, and you pushed yourself up onto your elbows, watching him warily.

Then he stood and slipped into the hallway bathroom, the light clicking on and illuminating the unlit entryway where you’d just fucked. You heard the sink run, then shut back off, and Vernon returned. He knelt gingerly - you could see his knees were red from kneeling on the wooden floor - and cleaned your stomach first, then gently between your legs.

You sat the rest of the way up then, watching him carefully as he sat back on his heels again, avoiding your gaze. Something about the moment felt like a thing alive, unfurling between you like a casablanca lily under the refracted light of the moon.

You spoke at the same time.

“Vernon?”

“You okay?”

You swallowed, rubbed absently at your elbow where you’d smacked it on the floor during the position change.

“I’m fine,” you said tentatively. “Are you?”

He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face, and then peering through his fingers at you for a second before dropping them again. “Thought I hurt you.”

You shook your head. “I’m okay. I would have said something.”

He nodded, relief starting to bring feeling back to his hands again. He stood and reached a hand down for you. When you took it, he closed his fingers around yours and pulled you to your feet.

“I know we don’t usually do this,” you said, rubbing at the parts of you that had been on the floor - the backs of your legs, your ass, “but could I take a super fast shower before I go?”

“Yeah,” he said, so quickly that the word almost trips on itself. “Of course.”

He led you into the bathroom, rummaged in the disorganized linen closet for a clean towel, pressed it into your hands.

“If you need one, too,” you said easily, as he reached around you to turn the water on so it could heat up, “I don’t mind if you join me.”

He paused. “You sure?”

You shrugged, then leaned over to put your hand under the spray, testing to see if it was still cold. “It’s your shower.”

Under the stream of warm water, you turned to face him, front to front, looking up at him with clear eyes. Something in your expression was so open, Vernon couldn’t help but feel both the desire to step into the space you seemed to be offering him as well as the desire to get far, far away from it.

He’d been so angry before you’d texted, furious enough that he’d bruised his knuckles punching the doorframe; now, as the chemicals in his body settled down, he felt those knuckles throbbing. He was disgusted that he’d lost his temper, guilty that he’d taken any of that anger out on you, who had nothing to do with it.

He was scared of the desire he felt to be closer to you, just for tonight. Scared that fucking you hadn’t been enough to soothe whatever it was that roiled inside him, like it usually was. Scared that he felt like he needed more than sex to heal this particular burn.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and part of him thought he was apologizing in advance, like he knew already he’d run scared at some point. “For being so...”

He didn’t know what word fit best. 

“I told you,” you said, pressing a little closer, “I would have said if I had a problem.”

“Okay,” he said, frowning a little. “If you’re sure.”

Then he reached over and brushed a thumb along your cheekbone, chasing away a rivulet of shower-water. You closed your eyes for a second, and he swore he could feel you lean into the touch, just slightly.

He didn’t know how to explain how he felt. Kind of like he’d done a hot-coal-walk; the exhaustion that came with an adrenaline crash, the vulnerability that came after facing down something big, that need - the burn inside him needing cool water before it could quiet down.

With the shower off, the silence in the bathroom was loud.

“Do you…” Vernon started, then stopped. His heart hammered, the adrenaline returning. He covered the moment by toweling his hair roughly and pulling his hands through the strands so they’d lay right. “Do you want to stay for a little bit? I was gonna order delivery, maybe watch something before I finish my assignment.”

He’d expected you to think about it, to turn it over in your mind the way you turn his things over in your careful hands, the way you turn him ass over head with just a smirk. Instead, you nodded right away.

“Yeah,” you said, like it was no big deal. Like you did this all the time. Maybe you did, just not with him. “I was starving, actually. I could stay for an hour or two.”

On his couch, the leftovers of the food scattered on his coffee table, you reached for his hand, ran a thumb imperceptibly along his purpled knuckles. You didn’t ask what happened, just brought them to your lips and pressed the lightest kiss before putting them down again and reaching for your noodles, as if it hadn’t happened at all.

That was when Vernon saw the potential of it, an entire picture, framed and labeled: you could hurt him so badly if he let you, if he let it get that far. For whatever it was that burned inside him, you were the cool water… but you could absolutely be gasoline, instead.

1 yr, 3 months ago

If you closed your eyes, you could pretend the light that passed over your closed lids in a repetitive pattern was the sweep of a lighthouse beam. You could pretend that the rumbling bass of the music was the roar of the ocean. You could pretend that you weren’t here, in a shitty bar, but at the seaside. You could pretend that you weren’t alone. You could pretend that you weren’t you.

You drained your drink and caught the bartender’s eye, gesturing for another, sliding the sweating glass away from you once you knew a new one was coming.

“What are you drinking?”

The voice came from your right, and you lifted tired, disinterested eyes to find the source of it.

“G and T,” you answered, because it was one fewer syllable than saying gin and tonic and maybe that one syllable would do the dirty work for you and tell this guy that you didn’t want to talk to him.

“Nice,” he said, like you’d said something interesting, and you fought the urge to roll your eyes. You didn’t return the question, just slid your phone screen on and opened your messages.

wyd

drinks at my hyungs place. wbu

damn. guess i have to settle for one of these very mid prospects at the willow

damn thats a sad story. if only you had a better option

if only my better option werent busy at his hyung’s

no one said i had to stay here. ur at the willow?

yep

The guy to your right tried again. “The DJ tonight kind of sucks, huh?”

You looked back at your phone.

don’t leave

You smiled into your drink, a thrill dancing through your bloodstream. The lights and music didn’t seem as garish as they had ten minutes ago.

“My boyfriend’s on his way to pick me up,” you said flatly to the guy who kept trying to talk to you, “so you might want to find someone else to complain about the DJ to.”

The word tasted like lemonade on your tongue - acidic and sour, sweet and refreshing, taste buds blooming and shriveling in tandem. Even the knowledge that it was a flat-out lie didn’t stop your heart from beating faster.

You expected the guy to get up and leave, maybe throw you a dirty look on his way. Instead, he seemed to call your bluff, narrowing his eyes like he was trying to read you.

“I don’t think I’d let my girlfriend go out alone looking like this,” he said evenly, and you let out a derisive laugh.

“The fact that you just said the words let my girlfriend probably has a lot to do with why you’re here alone,” you countered, a flash of victory slicing up your spine when you saw his face flush.

Before he could retort, you hopped down from your barstool, pushing your way into the crowded dance floor. You didn’t even want to dance, you just wanted to get away. If Vernon wanted to find you, he could come find you. He’d told you not to leave, he hadn’t said make it easy for me.

He found you anyway; he made it look easy. He stepped around a group of guys talking in a circle and into your space, like he was following a path, like he knew there’d be room for him.

You were happy to see him. You were happy he came. You were happy to breathe him in, to feel the warmth of his body and smell his cologne and hear your name tumble from his mouth like a statement. You were too drunk to tuck these truths away into pockets and folds where they would be harder to find.

You stepped to him and wrapped your arms around his neck. If he was surprised, his body hid it well. His hands came to rest on your lower back, pressing you closer to him as you leaned up to find his mouth.

You kissed him slowly, at odds with the frantic bassline vibrating under your feet. You let him tip your head back, changing the angle, sweeping your mouth with his tongue until you both tasted lemonade.

“Happy to see me?” he asked, a hint of a smirk on his face, one eyebrow arched in question and one half of his mouth twitching into a smile.

You didn’t have it in you to lie, so instead you said, “Your place?”

He led you outside.

As luck would have it, the idiot from the bar stood beside the front door, a cigarette between two fingers. His expression darkened when he recognized you, then further when he saw your fingers linked with Vernon’s as you stepped into the quiet night.

“Your girlfriend’s a fucking bitch,” the guy bit out, dropping the cigarette butt and stepping on it.

Vernon’s eyebrows shot up.

Evenly, he said, “She’s not -”

She’s not my girlfriend. You felt your stomach swoop, and you felt yourself flinch.

“- a bitch. She’s just smarter than you.”

Vernon tugged on your hand, leading you across the street to his parked, waiting car.

You tried to bite back a smile, and he looked sideways at you, his own lips twitching.

“What?” he demanded.

“What?” you parroted.

He scowled at you, but his lips were just smiling. “What?” he asked again.

You laughed. “Let’s go,” you said. “The bitch wants to kiss you more.”

You expected his smile to sharpen. Instead, something in it seems to soften, changing from teasing to actual affection.

“Alright,” he said, turning to start the engine. “Can’t really say no to that, can I?”

“You could,” you mused, as he pulled away from the curb and the bar slid into nothingness behind you, “but I just don’t think you should.”

1 yr, 2 months ago

wyd

melting

srsly

no, seriously. i am laying on my living room floor like a starfish trying not to turn into liquid

come to hyungs

its too hot to move

i have an idea, come meet me at hyungs

You frowned at your phone. Of course your aircon died during the only heatwave you could remember in your entire adult life. Your whole body felt sticky; you were pretty sure you were stuck to your floor.

It was too hot to move.

what’s the idea??

you’ll see. i’ll order u a car. can you bring a couple towels?

“Vernon, no,” you laughed, your voice echoing.

He shushed you through laughter, both of you leaning on each other as you stood at the edge of the yard, the grass tickling the bottoms of your bare feet. Upstairs, at his friend’s place, you’d thrown back a few shots for courage before following Vernon out here, and you were feeling them, your head swimming like your body might soon be.

“It’s a circuit, see?” he tried to explain, pointing through the night, as if you could see through all the fences and over all the hedges. “Five yards, five pools, and then we end up right back here and we get in the car and go. Just follow me, don’t stop for anything.”

“Someone’s gonna call the cops,” you complained. “And these neighborhoods all have cameras.”

“That’s why we keep moving,” he said, his grin so excited and so un-Vernon that you almost couldn’t bear to say no to him. “No one’s gonna call the cops if we’re already gone - it’s not worth it. You ready?”

You hesitated. “You’re good to drive us out of here?” you checked.

He held up his hands as if to show innocence. “Only had a beer,” he promised. “But I’ve got something fun in the car for after, if you want.”

You felt your grin turn wolfish. “Okay. I’m right behind you.”

“Try and be quiet,” he warned, then took off running across the yard, cannonballing into the pool with a splash.

You tore off after him, leaping into the water and suppressing a shriek when the cold water hit you. You felt instantly sober, jittery with adrenaline, alive with laughter. You spluttered your way to the surface and pushed water away from your eyes, trying to find him through the shadows.

He was already climbing out the other side, water running down his back, the muscle shifting in the half-light as he hoisted himself back onto the pool’s deck. You hurried across the pool, climbing up beside him, giggling wildly.

“Shhh,” he warned, but he was giggling too as he led you carefully over the fence to the next yard.

As soon as you crept close enough to the pool to jump, a motion-activated light came on, flooding the yard white and causing you to cover your eyes.

“Quick!” Vernon told you, grabbing your arm and pulling you in with him as he jumped.

You let out a stream of bubbles and water rushed into your mouth. You felt your feet hit the bottom and you pushed off hard, surfacing quickly.

Again, you followed him across the pool, both of you laughing and whispering, “Hurry! Quick!” as you climbed out and headed around the house to the front yard.

“Okay, this is the hard part,” he told you, both of you shivering as the night air caught up to you. “We have to cross the street, hop the fence, and then the pool is around back.”

“I’m ready,” you promised, with a particularly hard shiver.

You sprinted across the street, both leaving wet footprints on the pavement. His hand felt warm in yours when he helped you over the fence, warm on your body when he held your waist as you climbed down.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” you muttered, but giggles still spilled out of you.

“More fun than melting, right?” he asked, and you thought that you’d seen him smile more tonight than in whole months of coming together at night.

You thought you might move mountains to see him smile like this again, gums showing, open and honest, happy.

Then you were underwater again, swimming hard to keep up, following Vernon through the night as he pushed his way through some hedges and held them apart for you.

You made it to the last house before someone caught you, slamming the back door open and shouting, “Hey!”

“Go, go, go!” Vernon cried, laughing with such abandon that it sounded like goose honks, pulling on your hand as you both stumbled, dripping, towards the car.

You’d set towels on the seats before starting, so you tumbled into the car and he peeled away, both of you laughing wildly as you left the neighborhood behind.

It was miles before you calmed down, gasping in breaths and trying to hold them before exploding into laughter again.

“I’d better not end up on the news,” you scolded. “I’m in my underwear.

He gave you a searing sideways look. “I noticed.”

You felt yourself warm again, despite being in soaking wet clothes.

“Where next?” you asked. “Home?”

He let out a breath that was almost a sigh. “I don’t really want to go home,” he admitted. Then, “I was having fun with you.”

You considered this. “Not to be a cliche, but… I know a place.”

The quarry was quiet, surrounded by only trees; without posted lights, everything seemed to be just varying shades of black - the black of the water just darker than the black of the stone ledges just darker than the walls of trees just darker than the sky sprinkled with stars above you.

“We have to be careful,” you warned him seriously. “If you slip and get hurt, it could be bad.”

He turned the flashlight on his phone on and set it next to the metal rungs that jutted out of the stone, a makeshift ladder for the swimmers who came here during the day, when swimming was allowed.

“It’s going to be way colder than the pools,” you added.

“You’re not selling this very well,” he pointed out.

“Don’t be a chicken,” you teased.

He eyed the water. “I’m having second thoughts.”

You nudged him in the ribs, which caused him to squirm away, hands batting at yours, a noise emitting from him that made you laugh out loud.

“Are you ticklish?” you demanded. “How did I not know?”

“Come on, are we jumping or what?” he asked, laughing, still trying to keep your sneaky hands away from his ribs.

“Yeah, that’s probably the only way to actually get in,” you admitted, still laughing a little. Your abs felt a little sore from how much you’d laughed tonight.

You stood on the edge of the stone, toes curling over the ledge, Vernon’s hand tight in yours. You stood on the edge, the ink-like water beneath you rippling slightly, marring the reflection of the constellations high above you. You stood on the edge of something, knowing full well you were afraid to swim.

He counted you down, and together, you jumped.

The water was freezing - it hurt, it stung, and you shrieked and laughed as you surfaced. A foot from you, Vernon was shouting.

“The towels!” you told him, already swimming towards the little dot of light that marked the ladder.

Shaking and shivering, you reached your towel, wrapping it around yourself. Behind you, Vernon jogged up, making noises like a disgruntled horse as he found his own towel.

“Oh my god,” he groused, grabbing for you. “I’m freezing, come here.”

He opened his arms, the towel behind him like a wingspan, and you stepped into the space, letting him wrap his arms and his towel around you. You stood shivering together, trying to let your body heat chase the cold away.

You wrapped your own arms around his middle, pressing yourself closer as your legs shook, shivers rolling up your spine in waves as your body fought the chill. 

“C’mere,” he murmured above you, holding you a little more tightly, his own teeth chattering. 

It was the first time, you realized as you turned your head to rest your cheek on his chest, that you’d held each other. It was the first time you’d been between his arms when you weren’t fucking, the first time he’d tightened his grip around you for a reason other than gratification. 

You didn’t want it - didn’t want to know that it felt nice in his embrace, didn’t want to know that it fit right and felt safe. You didn’t want to know that you liked it, didn’t want to have to fight against the humiliation of wanting more.

As soon as the full-body tremors died away in the warm, sticky night, you stepped away, eager to put distance between you again. 

Later, he looked over at you from the driver’s seat of the car, red-eyed, his smile stretching slow and thick like putty. When you straddled his lap, his hands searching out the bare skin of your back, you rocked against him and pressed open-mouthed kisses to the column of his pretty throat until you were pulling groans from him with each pass of your hips. 

Forget, you thought, as you pulled your underwear to the side for him. Forget every single thing but this.

When you slipped an arm behind his neck and pressed your foreheads together as you lifted and dropped, you weren’t sure whose memory you were hoping to erase with this most recent pleasure-chase: yours, or his.

1 yr, 1 month ago

There was no map or calendar to this thing your brain did. It was summer, the sun shone, and yet the days bled together again, sunsets swirling down the shower drain.

The last time you’d gone radio silent, the last time your world had gone grey without warning, Vernon had answered in kind. His own silence had shouted for him until you’d tempted him back.

This time, he didn’t resort to silence in retaliation to yours. Instead, he kept trying, relentless. If you’d had more presence of mind, you might have wondered why.

wyd

[ ]

yo. whats the deal

[ ]

i will have you know that this is very insulting

[ ]

don’t get mad but im coming over

“What the fuck, Vernon.”

“I said don’t get mad.”

“It doesn’t work like that. What are you doing here?”

He leveled you with a look. “You gonna let me in?”

“Literally, no.”

You hadn’t showered in days; your apartment was probably grosser than you were. The cat milled around your ankles, trying to weasel its way outside, and you hopped from foot to foot trying to nudge it back inside.

“Why not?” he asked.

You huffed, annoyed. But the annoyance was the first thing you’d felt all day, and something inside you clung to it, desperate for more of anything but the crawling nothing that’s kept you company for days.

“Because,” you grumbled. Because there’s nothing for you here. Because I have nothing I can give you. “I’m… just not in the mood.”

He stepped back from the door so you could see more of him. “I’m not asking you to be.”

“Then why are you here?” The words fell between you, heavy. If you hadn’t been so low, if you hadn’t gone all day without eating, if you hadn’t been on your thirtieth hour without sleeping, you would have known better. You would have realized that you were asking, if you aren’t here for sex, then what are you here for? 

You wouldn’t have asked a question that you didn’t want the answer to.

He met your eyes. He seemed to teeter on the edge of telling you the truth, giving you the real answer. Then, he muttered, “Got bored.”

You knew it wasn’t the whole truth, and he knew you knew it, and yet neither of you were willing to look at it directly.

“I fail to see how that’s my problem,” you mumbled, avoiding his gaze.

He watched you for what felt like a long time, face serious, eyes glittering and attentive. Then, instead of answering, he repeated, “Are you gonna let me in?”

You frowned at him, but there was a little more pout to it than anger. “I’m all gross,” you said, instead of answering.

Something in him softened - it was visible on his face, in his shoulders, like he knew this was your way of saying yes. “So let’s shower,” he suggested quietly.

You felt trepidation, like part of you expected him to stay soft, to try to take care of you. To your relief, Vernon acted like everything was normal, scrunching his face at you when the water was too cold as he stepped in, washing his own body in silence and letting you do your thing.

He didn’t try to hold you, didn’t ask you when you’d eaten last, didn’t try to talk about it - didn’t try to fix it. He was just… there, and this - along with your first shower in days - was somehow revitalizing in itself.

You pulled on clean sweats, which was better than the day-four sweats he’d found you in. “The apartment’s kind of… sorry,” you mumbled, looking around the living room, feeling a bit of that familiar shame crawl up your neck as you noticed the evidence that you hadn’t been picking up, or running a vacuum.

Vernon flopped backwards on your sofa, unphased, one arm bent behind his head. “We’ve been doing this for almost a year,” he pointed out. “I know how it usually is.”

It isn’t usually like this. And neither are you.

You wondered when it happened - your ability to finish his half-thoughts, your ability to know what he meant when he only said a fraction of it.

You stood awkwardly beside the couch where he was lounging, and he looked up at you with a tiny, amused smile.

“What do you wanna do?”

What you really wanted to do was cocoon yourself in blankets again and put on repeats of a show you’d already seen. But now you had to look functional. You might be mad at him for showing up like this, now that you thought about it.

“I dunno,” you said, which was close to the truth.

“You wanna eat?”

“Honestly?” you asked, pursing your lips a little. “No.”

“Okay,” he said easily, and it struck you again how different this was than how Chan treated you when you were low. Chan would have already had the food delivered, and would be chasing you around the table with loaded chopsticks, demanding you take a bite.

“Can we just… watch something?” you asked, unsure.

Vernon wordlessly reached for your remote and held it up to you, nonplussed.

You wondered if it was an act, how easy this was, how unbothered he was, how he seemed to just understand what wouldn’t help.

You knew it wasn’t; you’d been around long enough to know that Vernon’s demons weren’t all that different from yours.

You settled somewhere between his body and the back of the couch, one leg bent over his legs, one of your arms over his stomach and his arm curled around your shoulders.

“This is weird,” you muttered into his chest, and his laugh rumbled under you.

“Why?” he asked, his smile big, like he thought you were particularly funny. “Not used to being big spoon?”

Not used to cuddling - with you.

“Yeah,” you said, because that was easier.

On your TV, a show ran through several episodes, the changing scenes splashing you and Vernon with changing colors, casting his face blue and then white and then black and then red and then blue again. Sometimes he’d watch, sometimes he’d scroll on his phone. You mostly felt his heart beating under your hand and let your mind whir.

At some point he started mindlessly (or not mindlessly, who could know) stroking your back, gentle touches brushing up and down, slow, slow, the way he always was. At some point you shivered, goosebumps rising along your arms, and snuggled closer to him. At some point he shifted you from slightly beside him to on top of him, a second hand slipping under your loose tshirt and joining the first in tracing stripes up and down your upper back.

You shifted against him, something coming to life with a shudder like the furnace in your parent’s basement on cold autumn nights. Heat worked its way slowly from your core to your stomach, down your legs.

He kept his eyes on the tv, innocent, but you could hear his heartbeat. It couldn’t lie and pretend.

You shifted again, squirming until you’d worked his t-shirt up just enough that you could touch skin, too. You trailed your own fingers over the inch of exposed stomach you’d found, and delighted in the way you could feel him start to harden beneath you.

Then, you delighted in your delight. It was the first good thing you’d been able to feel in almost a week.

You said his name, and he finally looked down at you, eyes nearly black in the unlit room.

“What is it?” he asked, and his voice was suddenly so low it sent shivers tumbling down each vertebrae and tripping over to your limbs. “Want me to make you feel good?”

No, you wanted to say as you answered his question by pulling the hem of his t-shirt higher, encouraging him to lift up so you could pull it off. No, just want you to make me feel.

1 year ago

Everywhere Vernon looked, all he saw was circles. Circle of red in his bowl when he inhaled. Circle of condensation on the table when he lifted his beer. Circle of light reflecting from his phone case, laying in the setting sunlight, to the ceiling. Above him, the ceiling fan circled lazily, nowhere to be.

And you - you and him. That was a circle, too. A cycle, at least, which was close enough in his opinion. Text, hook up, skitter back to your respective places, wait out the next weekend. It was as rhythmic and routine as waves breaking and then getting pulled back out only to come shatter on sand again. It was out of his control, up to forces far greater than he was.

Vernon’s friends had texted to hang out and he’d declined. He told them he was seeing his parents, but really, he just wanted to be alone. He wanted to watch the ceiling fan circle, he wanted to let his brain go staticky quiet, he wanted to burrow deep into things that made him feel less.

But he still, somehow, wanted to see you. He wanted to be alone, and being with you didn’t feel like not getting that.

It was a little scary, he thought, that you were the exception. That he could be with you without feeling the uncomfortable pressure of being with others, of having to be on, of having to fake cheerfulness and keep up with chatter that only exhausted him.

Vernon wasn’t a kid. He knew what it meant.

whats up

honestly not a lot. want me to come over?

Yeah, he did. He did, even if you weren’t going to hook up. He did, even if you were just going to lay on opposite sides of the couch and scroll on your phones. He did, and he hoped he’d end up with his arms around you, and he hoped he’d make you laugh at least once, and he hoped you’d stay and just be there with him after.

When you came over, he asked you how you felt about it - about him, about you and him. He asked by laying you on your back in his bed, by brushing fingertips along your face. He asked you by sliding your leggings away gently, pressing his mouth to each inch of your inseam as it became exposed to his dimly lit room. He asked you by kissing you through the lace you wore for him, then kissing the same spot once that lace was on his floor.

He asked you when he crawled up your body until his tip teased at your entrance and you whined, shifting to try to take him. And - when he took it slow this time, teeth scraping at your neck and then tongue hurrying to soothe the sting, his arms bracketing your body like he was sheltering you from an incoming storm.

(Maybe, he considered, he was.)

(Maybe, he considered, he was worthless in the face of this storm’s wrath.)

(Maybe, he considered, he was the fucking storm in the first place.)

And you heard his question loud and clear. You pulled on your leggings as soon as you were cleaned up, popping your hood up over your head as you searched for your phone. You kept your eyes on your screen as you waited for a car to come, murmured, “Later,” on your way out the door.

Vernon’s apartment rang with quiet. He was alone, he’d gotten what he’d wanted.

He’d also, it seemed, gotten his answer.

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thank you so much for reading!!! i'm always happy to hear what you think!

[jinkoh]

let's get you home

wonwoo x gn reader

summary: you need help and you just don't know whom else to call... tags: hurt/comfort, ex-boyfriend!wonwoo, panic attacks, warnings: mentions of mental illness

word count: ~2,1k

a/n: anyone know that clip of mingyu pranking wonwoo and asking for money and wonwoo is ready to lend it to him no questions asked? that kinda had me thinking that wonwoo is really the kind of person who is ready to help you if you're in trouble, no matter what. and then i tought "dang, if you said you needed him he'd probably still show even if you'd broken up already" and then this drabble happened ...why do i write ex-bf scenarios so often?

Masterlist

It’d been a while since Wonwoo and you had broken up. It wasn't that you'd fallen out of love. Your life patterns simply weren’t matching and it felt like it didn't make much sense to stay together. So you’d mutually decided to end things.

The last time you’d spoken was months ago. You knew you wouldn’t have been able to go through with it if you stayed in contact. 

And yet you still hadn’t deleted his number.

And yet you were sitting in a public bathroom stall your thumb hovering over the call button.

You'd been contemplating making that call for what felt like hours but surely wasn’t more than a few minutes. Panic attacks were like that sometimes, things simultaneously felt unbearably fast and yet so slow, the passage of time just a weird incomprehensible construct.

If you were being honest with yourself, you should have seen this coming. You'd felt weird from the moment you got out of bed, jittery and on edge, and it continued from there. You hadn’t planned on leaving the house, but then your mom had called to remind you that her important dinner was in a few days. She bugged you about whether you’d already bought new dress pants because you couldn't show up in the shabby ones from last time (you hadn't) and if she had to find a last minute accompaniment for you or if you finally had someone new (you didn't).

So, despite everything, you dragged yourself out of your apartment to look for some fancy pants. 

Needless to say that it didn’t go well.

You’d just felt so wrong, in every way possible. The people were too much, the noise was too much and trying on these godforsaken pants was even worse.

You’d felt the panic attack coming then, as you stared at the stranger in the mirror with their ill fitting dress pants and empty eyes.

Your chest tightened and breathing got harder with every passing second.

In theory, you knew what to do about this. Take deep, slow breaths. Count backwards in your head. Visualize a flower meadow to distract you. It wasn’t your first panic attack and you’d found some strategies that were usually helpful.

But nothing was working, not this time. 

You watched in a haze as the person in the mirror peeled themselves out of the dress pants and slipped back into their own clothing. All the while, your breathing kept growing more erratic. 

With blurry vision you left the tiny changing room and made your way out of the shop

Count slowly, you reminded yourself, a futile attempt to somehow keep it together, at least a little longer. But the numbers came too quickly and you kept mixing up the order.

The corridors of the mall were full of people, worse than the shop. It was too much. Of course, most of them were too focused on themselves to even notice you, but you still felt as if you were being stared at and judged at every corner.

You wanted to go home, but you knew you wouldn't even make it to the station and even there you’d still have to deal with the people around. No, you needed silence, you needed a small space without all these strangers.

Your steps got faster and more rushed until you were practically running towards the restroom, locking yourself in one of the stalls as if you’d been hunted.

You'd thought maybe you could go home after calming down a bit. But now that you'd been sitting here for a while, crouched on the toilet lid, your legs pulled close to your chest, you weren't sure if that was realistic.

Everytime you'd calmed down a little and considered getting up and leaving, a new wave of panic rushed over you. Just the thought of walking through all these people again, of waiting at the station

—you couldn't do this. You'd come to that conclusion a while ago but finding a solution wasn't that easy. You needed someone to get you out but there wasn't anyone, not really.

Your mom wasn’t very understanding of these kinds of things. Calling her would just make things worse. She'd probably scold you for making a scene and embarrassing her and it would leave you feeling guilty on top of everything.

Your best friend didn't live in the same city as you did and you couldn't exactly ask her to drive four hours just to pick you up from a public bathroom, even though you knew that she would in a heartbeat. Your other friends were nice and you liked them—but you weren't really that close. You hadn’t told them about your panic attacks and you didn’t know how they’d deal with it. And it seemed a little risky to find out in the middle of one.

So the only person that came to mind, really, was Wonwoo. He knew this side of you and he wouldn’t judge you about it ever.

Still, how could you call him months after breaking up? How could you expect him to just drop everything to come here?

He had surely moved on with his life, it wasn't fair to pull him back into your mess now.

But at this point it felt like there was no other choice.

With trembling fingers you pressed the call button and held your phone against your ear.

For a while there was nothing but the dialing tone and you already considered hanging up again when you heard a click in the line.

"Hello?"

Your heart ached when you heard his voice. He still sounded the same, of course he did.

"Hello?" he asked again, when you didn't reply.

It occurred to you then, that maybe he didn't know who was calling. Just because you hadn't deleted his number didn't mean he did the same.

It was a mistake to call him. You shouldn't have barged into his life again.

Just when you were lowering your phone again to end the call you heard his voice, hesitantly, questioningly, but full of warmth.

"Y/n?"

You couldn't suppress the sob that escaped your lips when you heard him call your name. You immediately covered your mouth to silence yourself, but he must have heard it anyway.

"It's you, isn't it?"

"Sorry," you choked out between sobs. "I shouldn't have—forget that I called."

You sniffed, feeling more and more guilty about contacting him. "I just—I didn't know whom to call but—it's really nothing." 

You forced a laugh but you should have known better than to think Wonwoo would be fooled by that.

"It's not nothing," he calmly replied.

"I mean it's—I'll be fine. You shouldn't have to deal with this," you rambled on, still trying to make your voice sound lighter.

"Where are you?"

"I'm—I'm in the mall, but it's fine, really, I'll just take the bus in a bit." Another forced laugh.

"Where exactly?" You heard rustling and movement at the other end of the line. But his voice stayed even. He'd always been like that, able to keep his calm when you couldn't.

"No—it's—"

"Y/n. Where exactly?"

You swallowed around the lump in your throat. "The restrooms on the first floor."

"Got it. I'll come get you."

You knew you should decline, tell him not to come, reassure him that you were okay.

But you weren't okay. And Wonwoo knew you well enough to be aware of that.

You wouldn't have called him in the first place if there'd been any way for you to handle this by yourself.

So instead of refusing his help again, you just sniffed out a small "Okay."

You heard the clattering of keys through the line and the sound of steps. It was good,  it was reassuring. He was on the way.

"Did you count?" He asked, maybe to remind you of trying it or maybe just to distract you by making conversation.

"Mhm."

"Didn't help?"

“Mh-mhm,” you declined.

"How about the flowers?"

"No."

"Didn't try or didn't help?"

"I couldn't focus."

"Hm," he hummed and you heard the sound of his car starting in the background. "Tell me about it. Describe it to me."

It felt stupid, sitting on a public toilet and describing a made up flower field to your ex boyfriend who was on the phone. But he just waited patiently for you to start and so you reluctantly did. You described the colors of the flowers, the shapes of the leaves and petals, the little bumble bees flying around. The more you said, the easier it got to focus.

All the while, he listened, humming from time to time to reassure you and show that he was paying attention.

When you didn't know what to say anymore, he'd ask small questions to make you think of more details to tell him in between small sniffs and sobs.

"I'm at the parking lot now," he said after a while. You nodded, adding a hoarse "okay" once you remembered he couldn't see you.

You hadn't noticed when you'd stopped crying, but now that you knew he was about to be here you felt yourself tearing up all over again.

It didn't take long for you to hear his steps on the tiles of the bathroom. You weren't sure why you were still able to recognize the sound of his steps, but you knew it was him before he even said anything.

"Y/n?" He asked close to the door,  gently knocking against it.

Reality hit you once more—you'd really made your ex-boyfriend drive all the way here to pick you up because of a stupid panic attack.

"Let me in," he interrupted your thoughts. It didn't sound mean, his voice still warm. But it didn't leave much room for discussion either.

You took a deep breath before leaning forward and unlocking the door.

He pushed it open, slipped into the stall with you and locked it behind him. You didn't look up, instead staring holes into your knees that were still pulled up to your chest.

Wonwoo crouched down in front of you, looking at you from below and waiting for you to meet his gaze. When you finally did, the tears you'd felt welling up in your eyes came spilling out immediately. You hadn't seen him in so long and you'd pushed aside all thoughts of him for months. But now that you saw his face, his warm eyes looking at you with endless patience, it all came crashing down on you again.

You'd missed him.

You'd really missed him a lot.

"I'm sorry," you choked out between sobs but you weren't even sure what you were apologizing for.

He just shook his head lightly. It was a small gesture, but it felt so familiar, so reassuring.

"Do you need space?" He asked after a moment of silence.

He'd always asked that back then too. Because he knew how hard it was for you to admit what you needed, even if he directly addressed it.

He wasn't asking if you needed space, not really. He was asking if you needed a hug, if you needed to be held.

You didn't look at him when you replied. "No."

You saw him nod from your peripheral vision, before he got up and opened his arms for you. A new wave of tears made their way down your cheeks and you roughly wiped them away with your sleeve before you stood up too.

You wanted to throw yourself into his arms and sob into his chest, but somehow it felt hard to do it now, the word ex-boyfriend still ghosting through your mind.

But when he tilted his head with a small smile, his arms still wide open for you, you let yourself fall into his embrace. His arms immediately wrapped around you, pulling you close. Your hands clung to his shirt as if your life depended on it, and you were sure it would leave terrible crinkles in the fabric, but he didn't say anything about it. He just held you, resting his head against yours and drawing slow patterns on your back.

All of this felt like home, from the warmth of his body to the scent of his fabric softener.

You stood there hugging until your tears had stopped and still a little longer after that. Wonwoo had never been the first to pull away. Even if you’d long calmed down, he would always hold you until you decided it was okay to let go.

Today was no exception. He only loosened his hold on you when you pulled away.

"Better?"

You nodded.

He let you go, only to reach for your hand instead, giving it a reassuring squeeze before he unlocked the bathroom stall.

"Let's get you home then." 

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