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manicrouge · 9 months

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Liar

[𝙺𝚎𝚎𝚐𝚊𝚗 𝚁𝚞𝚜𝚜 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛]

[𝙳𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝙿𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍]: 29/12/23

[𝙰𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝]: Keegan lies to you the night you meet yet you remain oblivious to it until you bring it up to him again.

[𝙲𝚠]: angst i guess but it's not that bad.

[𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝]: 4,533

[𝙰/𝙽]: I had plans for this but I really don't have the motivation to finish it, but considering it's quite a few words I didn't want it to go to waste- there's no smut, apologies, but smut isn't really something I'm overly passionate about so I hope that this fluff is good enough to suffice !!

ENJOY !!

Please don't post my work anywhere else without my permission !!

There's something about him and you're not sure if you should really speak on it because then, ultimately, your delusion is in the real world and not confined to your head. It's torture though, it really is, the constant headache of worrying about how you look and what you're doing when you're around him, and still, you can't seem to snap about it.

There's a limit to love, you've agreed to that inwardly. Some things you do in the name of love are okay: buying them something just because it reminds you of them, getting them something when they're too busy to get it for themselves, asking them out and asking them if they would like to accompany you on a date somewhere in the city.

That's normal for love, it something you imagine most people do.

But then there's your tricky little mind and it seems to kick and scream at the thought of doing something sane in the name of love. You don't want to do any of those things, you don't want to be nice. It's obvious, at least, you think it is.

He makes you a violent person.

Perhaps its because you want to show off, you want to him to see you and admire that you did everything he wants from you and much more. When you were just a rookie, you're quite sure you were close to being kicked out, being forced to resume life the way you had prior to them finding you on the side of the road after ODIN had been attacked.

The very thought, even to this day, makes you nauseous. Facing the unbearable heat, soldiers and starvation is a recipe for disaster, and after going without food for however long you did, you had sworn you weren't going to let anything compromise that. But things were overwhelming and you were essentially a burden during the first few months of your training; you couldn't do anything right.

But he saw you at your lowest, and he didn't let that happen. In fact, you're quite sure he saved you when you met that night.

'Crying won't get you anywhere, kid.'

If there was one thing about Keegan, he was absolutely right about everything. Including that.

Pushing your head up from out of your lap, you sniffled, rubbing your nose as you catch a set of blue eyes staring at you. He was unlike anyone you had ever seen before, a mask covering his features, beanie atop his head as he approaches you, kicking a stone beside you. You turn your head away from him and watch as the little rock rolls down the edge of the hill in the direction of the track.

'You were supposed to be asleep an hour ago,' he adds, taking a seat beside you. You keep your eyes trained on the direction the stone had slipped, keeping your arms wrapped around your knees before resting your chin upon them. 'You'd get into trouble if one of the superiors caught you outside.'

'I'm no good anyway,' you said, 'better going out this way than any other way.'

Your tone was bleak as you contemplated throwing yourself down the hill. It wouldn't have killed you, but it would free you from the shame of having to speak to the man sitting beside you. 'They're gonna get rid of me soon, throw me to the wolves.'

There wasn't a reply from the man sitting beside you for a while as he shifted where he was sitting. You hear the tear of velcro and finally decided to turn your head to see him holding a box of cigarettes in his hand.

'When I was first starting out,' he began, 'couldn't shoot a sniper for the fuckin' life of me,' he continued, plucking a cigarette from the carton. Bringing his hand up, he hooked his fingers under the edges of his mask, pulling it up, revealing his jaw and lips.

Much to your surprise, you spied black stubble around his mouth and trailing his jawline. Placing a cigarette between his lips, he grabbed the lighter from the box. Cupping his hand around his mouth, It took a moment, the item in his hand spluttering before eventually spitting a full enough flame for him to light his cigarette. 'I could shoot every other gun okayish, but I wasn't the asset they needed me to be.'

'Don't believe you,' you mumble, looking at the pattern on his mask. You recalled the white markings to belong to a particular unit that even the General had trouble addressing. They did their own thing, stayed out of everyone else's way. 'You're a Ghost, aren't you? Best of the best.'

You don't look at a Ghost unless they talk to you.

'The mask?' he asked, 'part of the branding, forget I have it on half the time,' he admits, taking a puff from his cigarette. 'Everyone has to start somewhere, kid.'

'I've been here for months and I'm still awful at everything,' you confessed, 'I can't shoot a gun for the fuckin' life of me; my aim is off and I can never seem to focus.'

'If you think about it too much, you'll struggle,' he said.

'A- And, I can't do close combat- I've been to the infirmary more times than I can count... whenever I go to the nurse now, she doesn't even speak to me,' you rambled, running your hand through your hair. Your throat starts to clog up as you continued to pour your heart out to the man sitting beside you. You couldn't really seem to help it; he was there, and from what you could tell, he wasn't discouraging your fury.

Rules had it that your hair was supposed to be slicked back out of your face and tied up, but after the day you had had, you couldn't muster the strength to keep it tied up. So, after you had had a shower, you kept it out to keep the dull ache in your head away for as long as you could.

You were surprised the man beside you hadn't said anything to you about it. Only, when it's out of your way, you found it easier to keep your hands from plucking and picking at your scalp whenever the anxiety got too much and you were scared you were going to drown in a well of your own tears.

'You're too stressed about everything,' he said, 'if you overthink it, like I said, you're gonna fuck it up. What's got you so stressed, kid?' he asked, looking at you. Your eyes water as you turn your head away from him, letting out a shaky exhale.

A better question would have been what wasn't stressing you out.

'Hey, don't shut down on me, tell me what's wrong... can't promise I'll be much help, but it's good to have someone to talk to,' he said, 'talk at me, tell me what's wrong,' he demanded, as though he was some form of saviour.

Only, in that moment, he was.

'They're gonna throw me out if I can't be what they want me to be,' you were much too choked up to fight against the urge of spilling your guts to the Ghost, your grip around your knees growing tighter as you began to shake. 'And I can't go back out there; if I go back out there, 'm gonna die, I know I am,' you sniffled, 'a- and I can't die, especially not out there with those monsters I can't but I'm going to if I don't get better but I don't think I can get better and- and—'

A firm hand was placed on your shoulder, his arm wrapping around you as he pulled you to his side.

You were startled at first, feeling his gloved hand on your shoulder, being pulled close enough for your senses to be flooded with his cologne. Ghost's weren't supposed to be like this, they were supposed to be aloof, transparent, careless. Yet, as he held you, you found your trembling nerves were soothed with his efforts.

The cigarette on his breath stained the moment, and when you opened your eyes, you found that he had tossed the cigarette down the same hill that the little rock he had kicked had rolled down, the red hue of the burning tip settling into the darkness while winking at you.

'You're not gonna get thrown out, kid,' he quietly said, 'it's been a tough change, I know it has been, but you can't let it get to you because, if you do, the stress is gonna kill you before anything beyond this base gets to you, hm?' he asked, looking at you.

You looked back at him, thinking back to that morning where you had pulled out a small clump of hair from the your head. You'd spent the next hour crying over it, and whittled yourself so far down that you'd convinced yourself you were going to die.

Everything lead to the thought of death with you. You couldn't escape it. The devil caged you and he trapped you, laughing in your face as he dangled your very livelihood before you.

And still you failed.

'How do you know that?' you asked, 'you think some sort of miracles going to happen?' you continued.

'I'm going to teach you,' he said, 'I'll give you a helping hand; wanna see if you're as useless as you're saying you are or if you're just overcomplicating everything.'

'You don't have the time to do that, at this point I'm gonna be 90 but the time I manage to land a hit on someone in training.'

'And how do you know that?' he asked, 'you my Captain?'

You stared at him, the sudden shift in his tone causing your face to heat up.

'You'd be wasting you time with me,' you said, shaking your head, attempting to pull away from him, all for his grip on you to tighten.

He wasn't going to let you pull away from him, especially while in the state you were in. You'd curse him if you didn't feel so secure in his arms, so, you simply give in to the urge of staying close to him, not allowing your ego to destroy the first ounce of comfort you had gotten since arriving on the base.

'Wasting time here with you now; could be in bed,' he stated simply, 'I'll speak to someone, get you put under my supervision until I'm sure you'll be fine returning to your brigade.'

'Are you allowed to do that?' you asked.

'Captains in your department barely look at me, kid,' he chuckled, ''scared I'm gonna bash the brains in with the butt of my gun or somethin'. They won't turn down my request- especially if you're as much as a burden as you're sayin' you are; they'd be happy to get you off their hands if that's the case, not that they'd refuse me in the first place.'

He spoke to you as though you were a friend, but you regarded his support as treating you most likely as a lesson; the men your department had little interest in showing a woman how to fight, perhaps that was why you were struggling so much. No one really wanted to give you the time of day, and in a path where it was either sink or swim, you found their actions were taxing.

It was blatant that the men you worked with had little interest in you, and you're clued up enough now to know that. Yet, deep down, you're sure you've always been conscious to their biases towards male soldiers, only, now, you say it without fear of being reprimanded for your supposed 'accusation'. They can't do shit to you anymore and you're thankful for it, because, in the end, if they even look in your direction, you'd have no issue bashing their brains in with the butt of the pistol in the holster on your thigh.

Recently, you find you've been going back to that night where you had been in tears, mostly while by yourself, whether it be at the base or elsewhere, you were focused on that pesky little memory which lead to your stomach pulsing in a sickly manner as you recall the feel of his hand resting on your shoulder and the smell of his cologne.

Little has changed- if anything.

Only, he's a little taller than he was when you first started training together. His height has him towering over you now, and you always laugh about it to yourself whenever your sparring with each other- especially when you're able to put him on his ass.

There's confusion surrounding the memory in your mind, you have mostly forgotten about it until one day, it reappeared. You're unsure what triggered the memories resurgence, and you review it with a sinful glint in your eyes, even with the lack of suggestiveness about the scene.

There's something there that makes you want to scream, that makes you want to cover the world in blood, and you have been fighting with yourself attempting to unwind the memory, unwrap the secrecy of its meaning which it is rejoicing in while you're suffering.

—

The next op leads you to No Mans Land, Elias has sent his sons there with the intent of helping you track down Ajax. You're familiar with the tactics and intent between sending his two boys out there, though none of you really comment or acknowledge the possibility of your squad growing with two members, and supposedly a dog. You're happy to do the work he assigned his boys with yourself; it would be nothing but a quick in and out, especially with the looming time between Ajax's kidnapping and where you find yourself right now.

It's been weeks and you're still no closer to getting him back and you find, while peering through your scope, searching for any sign of the Walker boys, you're gritting your teeth as you contemplate the damage it's doing to Keegan. Both of them are good friends, been together since day one.

But there's nothing you can do; one wrong move and Ajax will be gone forever, and you're not selfish enough to put the life of a friend on the line. You'd put yours on the line before you even dare to put someone else's out for your own greedy intent.

The Federation are like dogs, and as soon as they catch a whiff of Ghost blood, they'll have their feral little backs up, huffing, puffing and growing, impersonating that of a wolf, when, in reality, they're nothing of the sorts. Instead, the puny little pups who cower at the sight of their own shadow... or Rorke. But neither of them are very different from one another.

'You catch anything, kid?' Keegan calls through coms.

Looking down from your position, you catch the man standing below you, Merrick surveying the surrounding area as you hold your sniper up, keeping your eyes on the terrain surrounding you.

You're a fair distance away from where the Walker boys were sent by Elias, ensuring the area is clean for when they eventually make their way to the meet up spot.

'Negative,' you respond, pulling your scope away from your face, 'clear,' you say, 'they're all hauled up at the camp the Walker boys are goin' to- that's my bet anyway,' you say, hooking your arm through the strap on your sniper, carefully making your way down from the tree.

Setting on a curve in the tree, you look down at the ground, shuffling off while keeping hold of a branch. With a grunt, you push yourself off of it, landing on the ground with ease.

'Stalker-Six, this is Viking Actual, we are en route to the target location, how copy?' you perk your ears up, while you busy yourself with grabbing your canteen off of your belt, frowning when you're greeted with a distinct lightness. During the walk up to the scope point, you're quite sure you were only sipping at it. 'We are en route to target location location, how copy?'

A step closer to getting Ajax back.

Hooking you canteen back onto your vest, you lift your head to see Keegan holding his own out to you, 'you drink like it's goin' out of fuckin' fashion, kid,' he remarks, letting go of it as you grab it out of his hands. Unscrewing the lid, he watches you, 'just don't finish it all; can't drink any of the water around here and we don't know how long they're going to be.'

'Solid copy, viking,' Merrick responds, 'be advised, recent reports indicate a lot of enemy movement in that area. We're on a schedule here, so get that intel and get out fast,' he continues. Both you and Keegan listen, and you take two sips of water from his canteen with his narrowed gaze on you before relenting, giving him the bottle back. 'See?'

'Roger that.'

'You're the one with an empty canteen, princess,' he answers, snatching it off of you, putting it back onto his belt. 'We best continue to move up from this position; we're too far out to meet them,' he says, looking to Merrick who hums, 'we're clear to proceed—'

He's crudely cut off by a distant rumble, the shudder resulting in the wind picking up pace, a crows cried out in the distance.

The collateral damage done to the world since ODIN was ripped from the States has been catastrophic, and every now and again, you observe your surroundings with a reservation set for when you make it back to the base; you don't have time to contemplate and wallow in your sorrows, rather, you simply have to get on with it, just as Keegan does as he opens his mouth to speak again.

'Whole place is gonna be swallowed soon,' he sighs, turning to look down the path.

Merrick proceeds forward without another word, intent on keeping on the schedule he has planned out since hearing word from Elias requesting you're there to meet the boys for the information.

Keegan takes a small step before stopping looking over his shoulder at you, 'c'mon, kid, burning daylight,' he says, motioning his head in the direction of Merrick who has already began to trail the path down, 'and water too,' he chuckles, picking up the pace.

It takes a moment to realise why he's suddenly hot on his feet, his sudden shift in mood causing your heart to murmur as you finally see some form of happiness on his face.

You're a second away from smiling at him, and then his comment strikes you like a blunt blade and you grumble out a curse, following after the two men with a huffing breath and curse

—

'Stalker Six, we got something here, looks like they're digging through some sort of wreckage.'

After a few minutes of silence and trivesing through the remains of the wild life in the rotting area, you're greeted with the voice of the same Walker boy who has been doing all the talking.

You're familiar with his name, Hesh. Although, as you're walking beside Keegan, you find the name of the other one escapes you. It doesn't help that he certainly is not one for words.

The comment he makes has all three of you sharing a look, unable to muster any form of response. Despite the urge to speak, you remain quiet, watching as Merrick's brow furrows, rubbing his masked mouth with his hand. 'What do you mean? What kind of wreckage?'

It could be anything and you've learned, over the years, that nothing should surprise you anymore. Hell, even if aliens greet the remnants of Earth tomorrow, you're convinced you'll barely bat an eye to it; it's simply just another day on the job.

'Not sure. It's guarded, but we're gonna push through.'

It's good to know the boys share the same determination as their father, though, the mysterious wreckage works to cause your brow to wrinkle as you contemplate what exactly they're up to now. 'Do they ever have a fuckin' off day?' you ask.

'Negative,' Merrick retorts, 'enemy always has to be doin' something, was the same in the Second World War and it's the same in this one too. You let the enemy loose for a moment of shut eye, they'll dig your grave and put you in it by the time you wake up again,' he continues, his tone gruff as you watch his back.

It's difficult to miss the gunshots the further the Walker boys push into No Man's Land, and you find your hand hovering about the pistol in your holster just to make sure nothing and no one will pounce on you.

While proceeding to the meet up spot, you busy yourself with the thought of Merrick's words, while keeping a watchful eye out for any signs of moment. Nothing is going to get past you, and if it does, you're thankful you have the watchful eye of Keegan located at your side.

It's difficult to even think of him never being as capable as he is today, and when you glance at him, you find your mind falling back to the night once again.

There's something in your chest that flutters at the thought of his care towards you from the night you met all away to right in this moment; Keegan always has your back.

And you always have his... only because of his training, of course.

He catches your look almost immediately and you catch his face shifting beneath his mask.

'What?' he asks, 'something on my face?' he asks, clearly amused.

You say nothing for a moment, looking in Merrick's direction to see the man is a fair distance away from the pair of you.

'You remember how we met, right?' you ask, to which he nods his head, keeping his eyes surveying the area. 'When we met, you said you were a shit shot and—'

You stop when you catch Merrick looking at Keegan with a raised eyebrow. Typically, the man kept his nose out of the conversations the pair of you have; there's nothing in there for him to really understand, only bothering to join the debate when it is of importance.

In fact, he remarked that, before meeting you, Keegan was quiet- and he still is, in your humble opinion, yet, apparently his short and witty replies to your comments render all the Ghosts shocked.

The pair of them share a look, and you catch it. It's subtle, you'll give them that, but it's notable enough for you to let out a short laugh.

'What?' you slowly say.

Keegan takes a breath, turning his attention to you. He's grinning beneath the mask.

'You wanna know the truth?' he asks.

Your eyes narrow.

'What truth?'

'I lied to you when we first met,' he says.

It's as though a bullet is fired into your stomach as you look at the man in front of you. He's unmoved by his confession, carrying on as though he has said nothing to you.

'You lied to me? About what?' you ask.

Maybe it was about the fact that he really wanted to take you under his wing, maybe he was full of shit about that- what if it was a funny dare or something? You'd take the pistol out of the holster and blow your brains out if such is the case.

His calmness is insulting as he looks at you.

'Saying I was a shit shot, I'm a liar,' he says, and despite the match, you can see him smiling under it, 'was one of the best in my squad, that's how I got the attention of Elias in the first place.'

'W- Why would you lie about that?' you ask.

Your entire life seems to be a lie in a moment of overdramatic reflection.

'Because you looked like you needed someone to relate to,' he shrugs, as though it's something that means little. 'I didn't want to make you feel like you had no one there,' he says, 'the people in the squad you were in when I met were unforgiving to you, kid; they expected perfection from the minute you joined and you were capable of that because you need help and—'

'I needed you,' you state, not caring for any excuse he'd muster up.

Beneath his mask, you note the smile on his face as he nods his head.

'You said it yourself,' he chuckles.

'Didn't think you'd risk your own price to do somethin' nice,' Merrick butts in, 'suppose you did the right thing though, got one of the strongest fighters on our squad through a lie.'

Your cheeks redden at the compliment and you rub your face with your gloved hand.

'Was all worth it in the end,' Keegan shrugs.

As you push forward, per the command of Merrick, your heartbeat is ringing in your ears- it's pathetic really; you feel like a fucking high schooler as your thoughts are swarmed with the very thought that, even upon meeting you, he cared enough about you to lie to you.

You know him well enough to know that despite his quiet nature in the face of opposition and those who he doesn't know, he's a prideful man and he takes pride in his work and abilities. His confidence, while at times annoying, is something you wouldn't change in the world. His confidence keeps you alive and his confidence is the very reason you're standing beside him and fighting beside him.

After a while of silence, you look at him and nudge him with your elbow.

'Thanks for lying to me,' you say.

'You're welcome,' he answers, looking at you, 'all you needed to have was a little bit a of help- somethin' they weren't ever going to give you.'

'Why did you even approach me in the first place?'

He turns away from you for a moment, sucking in a breath. That glowing confidence seems to disappear for a moment, but after a brief second of collecting himself, he turns back to you.

'I thought you were pretty.'

You're winded, and not by the walk.

'I was a crying, snotty mess,' you blurt out, to which he rolls his eyes.

'I'd seen you around the base, and you only started crying when I starting talking to you properly. But, even if you're a crying snotty mess or not, it doesn't matter to me, kid,' he says, 'you looked pretty.'

You bite your lip, turning away from him. Unfortunately, you lack what he has in abundance. He doesn't say anything further as the you proceed to the meeting spot, instead, he slips his hand into yours, tightly squeezing it.

It's short and brief as he soon lets go at the sound of a barking dogs, although, before the pair of you jump back into action, you both offer. each other a knowing look as you prepare to paint the world red; you know his eyes are on you.

We'll talk about this later.

TAGS: (If you would like to be added to the tag list let me know!) @forever-twenty-two-years-old @iizx7y @phantomreadsandreblogs

#cod #call of duty #cod ghosts #cod keegan #keegan p russ #keegan russ x reader #keegan p russ x reader #keegan russ x you #fluff #cod x reader #ghosts #call of duty ghosts #call of duty x reader

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simplydnp · 2 months

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personally i cannot get on the marriage hill because i feel like they have already crossed that hill without us knowing, or if they havent already they may just not be planning to. obv i dont know anything about their personal life so maybe im way off base here lol but i just feel like they've already committed to each other for the rest of their lives, thats been done! they did it 15 years ago and they've done it a hundred times since then! buying a house together is the big one where i feel like they either already got married before that and never told us, or they consider that theyre already committed enough that they don't feel the need to get married, since at this point marriage for them would just be a piece of paper. not to mention during the devan wedding video they talked about how uncomfortable a wedding would be so i feel like they've decided that they dont need to make it "official"

i think not being on it is fair. love it, hate it, whatever, but we would Know if they had done so in secret. at least, from a legal standpoint. who knows if they did a little thing for just themselves at some point--but to me, that's different than Marriage-marraige, if that makes sense.

they have been committed for a very, very long time. i hesitate to say right from the start because we just have the benefit of hindsight to know that it ended up there, but it's been there for a while.

maybe it's the romantic in me, but i want them to have that Moment. to celebrate them. where, truly, nothing else matters except them and what they mean to each other. for them to get to bring the important people in their life together and enjoy it. for them to finally breathe. and not have to worry, or think, or hesitate in living their life. obviously there will still be walls and boundaries and i don't expect to see them making out in a video, but to just exist without fear. or stress. or anxiety. to be able to show the things they really Do want to; to be able to go do the things they really want to do. that's what i want for them.

it's less about 'marraige is the final step!' and more like it's the first one into the rest of their lives.

one of the biggest themes throughout this fandom's existence, and particularly since the hiatus began, is that we just want them to be happy. to be free of expectations and pressure and speculation and erasure. and i think that's what marraige hill means to a lot of people.

to speak for myself for a moment: i've got very haggard relationships and depictions of love in my life. it feels hollow in many ways. it's described as vibrant and overwhelming and terrifying and beautiful--but for me it's... empty. i read about how it sweeps people off their feet, or it slowly builds over time, or maybe it's always been there--and i can't help but want that. even just being around it is filling for the soul. i think witnessing joy and happiness is critical to our existence. to physically see love in the world. and maybe it's cheesy and maybe it's parasocial, but i want dnp to have their happy ending. cause the twisted, chunk of meat in my head thinks that's how it's supposed to go. how it should be. is people should get to be happy, and for many of them, that includes being in love. maybe it's outdated maybe it's old-fashioned, maybe it's the ex-catholic in me, but that's what marraige should be. and maybe it's the idea that people do get there and it is possible. and it really is this beautiful thing.

in terms of their stances on it, you offer that you think they're committed enough and they may not want it--which, is a fine opinion to have. it's been a very long time since either of them have really truly talked about marraige and weddings, and add the fact that they're both private people and don't even talk relationship stuff candidly, so anything presented, i take with a grain of salt. and i don't think disliking aspects of a wedding and then also wanting one are mutually exclusive. i think there's plenty of ways to eliminate aspects and still do it. their agreement on it, to me, signals they've talked about it.

and especially with how things have been lately--with how much has changed in the last few months for them even--i don't think the option is off the table for them.

they well and truly killed the joint branding in 2018 and buried it. there were glimpses of their togetherness during the hiatus, but WAD especially pushed back on things. and yet, just a few months after it ended, they agreed to a why not--knowing it would mean inviting us back into it again. inviting in people to see. and instead of hard lines and rigid restrictions, they keep loosening the reins. and i genuinely think them being back, and us being here too, has completely changed the trajectory of their life. i don't think either of them expected to tour together again. for them to truly enjoy this. phil may have hoped, but he wasn't gonna push it if dan wasn't willing. so now that they're here, so many possibilities have opened up. and, to me, it feels like they're building momentum. and while some of that was likely for the tour, it still feels like we're heading somewhere. i've got that same gut feeling i did during ii.

take it or leave it, those are my thoughts. i doubt we'll truly know until they either do it or don't.

#it's always interesting to hear other peoples opinions and perspectives. especially on something like this #marraige and weddings and commitment are such complex things. and everyones got an opinion on it #doesnt have to be strong. but it is there. and i've really tried to unpack why mine is what it is. especially in regards to dan and phil #bc theyre not like. fictional. they're real people. and maybe love really is real if it works out like that for them.#i like to deflect but. thats really what its about. because i cant logic my way into love. its not how it works. but letting me tag along #letting me see the journey. step by step. is something extremely special. and so i can only hope for the very best for them.#dnp #c.text #phan #answered

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pomplalamoose · 7 months

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If you are ever down I would love your take on a Luke with a ND partner, maybe one who isn't expressive or picks up on social cues. says what ever comes to mind. Takes things a little too literally, is blunt in conversations. Like someone who struggles with their tone so people think they're bored or mean when they really have constantly racing thoughts and new ideas and are always open to new relationships.

I'm pretty sure it has never taken me this long to answer an ask before, but I wanted to make sure I'd put the same time and effort into yours as I did with every other one so far. Sadly I never seemed to get the free time to do so until now, so I REALLY want to thank you for your patience, anon, and hope you're happy with the result🩵

Please note though that for requests like these I'm only able to draw from my own experiences which possibly differ from those of others.

Accordingly nothing I said about "you" is meant to impose any kind of insinuations about behavioral patterns on those reading this, nor is it my intention to criticize or sound harsh in any way.

It goes without saying that Luke, as a friend as well as a partner, couldn't be any more wonderful to be around and I believe that especially for someone on the neurodivergent spectrum it's basically a dream come true to date him.

(Apart from that he's definitely that one friend who listens to you when you think nobody else does and waits for you when you need to stop to tie your shoe laces.)

He's empathetic and sensitive to the emotions of those surrounding him and thus would never make you feel like you don't belong, are weird for acting a certain way, or like you'd be better off pretending to be something you're not to "fit in".

And while Luke's connection to the Force certainly adds a lot to the fact that he has no trouble reading you, he would manage to just as well without it.

Still there's no denying how useful his abilities could prove themselves to be in a relationship, especially should his partner struggle with expressing themselves.

I won't go into much more detail though, because many of the things I already talked about in my other posts regarding his understanding and supportive character can be applied here as well.

(e.g. Master Luke Skywalker headcanons, Luke with a partner on their period, Luke x a reader with mental health issues, breaking down in front of Luke)

However I think it'd be really interesting to take a look at his initial reaction to getting to know a neurodivergent person with the behavioral features you described since I believe they differ depending on which Luke era we're talking about.

• ANH Luke wouldn't even bat an eye

• on Tatooine everyone has to put up a rough exterior in order to protect oneself

• it's not a place of friendly conversations and common niceties; people know they're better off minding their business and staying on their own

• you're very blunt and speak your mind?

• you seem unfazed, even bored during most encounters?

• good for you, it's not easy to navigate this corner of the galaxy and much safer to hold others at a distance

• growing up Luke came across a wild array of all kinds of beings too, one more interesting (and really scary) than the other

• he's not put off, instead even used to supposed unfriendliness

• also he doesn't know anything about where you're from and your people, maybe that's just the way they are and how you were raised?

• he probably thinks you're very cool too

• because surely you have seen a lot? Been on great adventures across the galaxy?

• he really wants to do the same

• if you come across as mean without meaning to it's not a big deal, it only makes him want to spend even more time with you

• ("if mean, then why friend-shaped??")

• most importantly ANH Luke judges a person more by their actions than their words, so there is absolutely no need to worry about how he may perceive you

• it's safe to say you're not getting rid of him as it's nearly impossible to shake him off once he decides he wants to be someone's friend

• he's more than delighted once you get to know each other better and it turns out his intuition was right!

• ESB Luke, on the other hand, may be a bit slower to come around

• not necessarily because he dislikes you but because he doesn't have the time nor the patience to put effort into really getting to know you

• people talk and so he probably heard a thing or two that has him eyeing you curiously

• most likely he won't pay you much mind as he's gone most of the time anyways

• generally speaking though, I think you'd get along pretty well, Luke is a friendly and open minded person after all and would surely grow fond of your quirks before even knowing about their source

• still there's a possibility of the two of you butting heads should it come to an actual meeting

• nothing really severe, of course, but still I can see Luke growing easily frustrated at, for example, your lack of expression, or at your questions when you don't quite get something and want to make sure you understood everything correctly

• and while he's not going to show it or tell you outright that he thinks you're a bit annoying, he's not that good at surpressing dramatic sighs or a roll of his eyes

• HOWEVER if you catch him off guard with blunt words said in a tone that could come across as mean it could definitely get a rise out of him

• after all we get to see that he has developed a certain attitude; he's snippy, quick to talk and slightly judgemental

• (mainly towards Han and Yoda but I can see him acting this way quite often because of all that he's being put through)

• I'm sure that under different circumstances Luke wouldn't react as strongly but with how things are during ESB he might hurt your feelings without meaning to

• once the dust settles and he has a quiet moment to himself he'll feel awful though and most likely seek you out to make amends

• naturally RotJ Luke is a different story altogether

• (the character development this man went trough is absolutely crazy, and I'm amazed every time I do comparisons like these)

• before even taking to you for the first time he'd regard you with a warmth and patience you seldom get to experience

• he quietly smiles to himself when he overhears you having a conversation in that special way of yours or when he senses something sparking an idea

• he appreciates your bluntness

• maybe at first you'd think he's laughing at you but don't worry, he just thinks you're cute

• he feels you in the Force, senses your excitement, your curiosity

• it draws him in

• he is able to see you as a whole, not just what you present on the outside, and so isn't deterred by what others would view as a potential attack or criticism

• (take notes ESB Luke)

• once you've grown closer he's always there to point out social clues you might have missed and/or walks you through certain situations to explain how your behavior might have looked to others when it's something you're worried about

• often he knows what you're going to say before you do and, if that's what you want, gives you a sign you agreed upon, letting you know if maybe it'd bet better for you to be silent instead

• (he absolutely explains dumb sexual jokes to you when you don't get them and I don't care how self indulgent this is, I could really use someone to do that for me, thank you very much)

#ask #luke skywalker #luke skywalker x reader #luke skywalker x you #luke skywalker x oc #luke skywalker fanfiction #gn reader #star wars #luke star wars #star wars fanfiction #star wars a new hope #star wars empire strikes back #star wars return of the jedi #fanfic #star wars headcanons #luke headcanons #headcanons

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welldonekhushi · 2 years

Text

Words Unspoken

Pairing: John "Soap" MacTavish x Samantha "Scarlet" Wright (OC)

Note: Wishing you all a very happy Valentines Day! And on his occasion, here's a fic I wrote over our fave couple! I hope you like it! <3

Summary: Scarlet tries to gift Soap something precious on the special day of love, with some unspoken feelings. How would it go?

Warnings: A bit of angst? But fluff and comfort in the end!

If I had to add a song that fits this fic, it'll be Words Unspoken by Leroy Sanchez!

youtube

"What are you getting for Valentines Day?" Roach asked the petite, woman, sitting beside him, as Scarlet blushed at the thought and rubbed her hair nervously.

"Well, to be honest, Gary.. I don't think it's possible. I mean, Valentines Day is celebrated when you're having a couple, right?"

Roach widened his eyes at Scarlet's response, and then he raised an eyebrow. "Then who's Soap to you?"

"He's my best friend! Please, get your mind together, Gary. Yeah, we do talk often but that doesn't mean we.. we have.. something between us?" Something made Scarlet flinch a little in her sentence and was not letting her speak confidently about it.

"I like how you're defending yourself so bad even if you admit you do have something for him." Roach was deadpanning for a while and then burst out in laughter, making fun of Scarlet. She rolls her eyes and knocks his arm with her elbow.

"But come on Scar, look at him and yourself. Everyone in the compound, who I know or not, they feel you act like you two know each other so well. They literally get so jealous of not having a woman like you with themselves, because of how perfectly you match with the Captain." Roach explained. "Heck, the way your personalities merge together and the two behave the same, it feels like.. you two were meant to be each other. Tell me, don't you think anything about your friend?"

Scarlet carefully listened to the Sergeant, trying to make her believe if she truly had feelings for him or not. For the fact, Roach wasn't wrong, at a point. Ever since her time in the SAS, with Soap's unexpected presence, everything changed. For her, and for him. Evaluating all the moments she spent with John — from the day they met when they were kids, to high school, to getting separated and finally reuniting in the SAS.

She realised she feels comfort when she is near Soap. She feels comfort when he hugs her by wrapping his strong arms around her back. She feels comfort when he laughs. She feels comfort when Soap protects her. She feels comfort.. when Soap really means so much to her. How does that not prove that they two have nothing in between?

"I.. do think about him. I just want him to be okay, I don't even want anything else from him." Scarlet looked at Roach, with her eyebrows furrowed.

"Then what's stopping you from reaching out to him? There must be a reason. Okay, let's assume, you're not actually in love. Fine. But what's the reason that's making you feel it's not possible, according to you? You can talk to me about it, Scarlet. I promise."

If Scarlet had to reveal that one thing that was preventing her from doing the action, it would be — being scared. Scared to believe if everything she thought about wasn't true. What if, it's just the friendship? Friendship means to protect their best friend, make them feel loved, never leave them behind and stay together in the hard times. What if Soap really means something to her? Or it's being one-sided?

What if Soap didn't have any hard feelings for Scarlet? And his heart already belonged to someone el—

A sudden wave of emotions flowed through Scarlet's body, and maybe more in her soul, at the slight thought of that. She didn't like that at all, and she didn't want to face it further. She lets out a sad sigh, as she casts down her head, trying to calm herself down while she responds.

"I just.. don't know if he's just being nice.. or he really means it." She turns to face the Sergeant, while he slowly listens. "We've just seen ourselves as.. friends. Since childhood. No wonder he might have the same fear as me, but we can't trust it. I can't trust it. I'm scared of breaking our friendship or making him change his thoughts on me if I did the wrong step."

"Wrong step? You're crazy or what, Scar?" Roach made a disgusted face. "It's NOT true. You're not destroying anything, at all. Neither your friendship, or making him have a different view on you. You're just expressing your feelings, and I know it. I'm your friend, Scarlet. You're like a sister to me. Heck, a brother knows her sister way better than anyone else." Roach puts a hand over Scarlet's shoulder in an assuring way. "Believe me, it will be okay. Just go, and let everything go according to plan."

After the motivation she receives from Roach, there was no turning back for her now. It was time where she would finally confess her feelings, to the one whom she held for so long. She stands up, takes a deep breath, and nods. "Yes.. I can do it."

Roach smiled, and stood up too. "I know you can. Wait, wait! You can't just go in his room like this, innit?"

Scarlet raised her eyebrow, since she had no idea what Roach wanted to do next. They went to a local flower shop to buy a bunch of roses, with chocolates, cause duh.. how do you celebrate Valentine's Day without these two? Also, Roach thought of an excellent idea for a more touchy look so he suggests Scarlet about it. She did blush at the thought of that, but it felt nice and decided to let it work accordingly.

Walking in the halls, the corridors of the dorms to the offices, Scarlet nervously makes her way to Soap's place, with the gift in her hand. She was revising all the lines during her journey, mustering up all the courage and confidence to speak up her feelings and finally confess them. She approached at the door, as she sighs and almost tries to knock on his door, but the insecurities hit her again. Because everything changes by just a knock on the door, and either she leaves out with hope.. or getting shattered.

Forgetting everything, she forcefully opens the door, and sees Soap already standing on his desk, trying to wrap something but immediately hides it away from her. She raised an eyebrow but gave a salute to him anyway. "Captain."

"Sergeant." Soap responds, plastering a soft smile on his face while looking at his beloved friend. He was more conscious of hiding the thing behind him, since it wasn't ready to be shown yet to her. Scarlet approached Soap, the height difference clashing. She might have looked shorter than him, but it never had been a barrier between their relationship. A lot of things Scarlet wanted to say, and so does Soap, but the nervousness in the two was at its peak.

Fear of being rejected. Fear of being forbidden and broken forever. It was the only chance they could have, to finally confess what they think about each other. Taking a deep breath, Scarlet looked at Soap, her eyebrows furrowed and the grip of the gift in her hand got tighter.

"You know you can call me by my regular name when we're alone, do you lass?" He chuckled.

"I know, Johnny but.. sometimes, we have to maintain a decorum. I believe in discipline somehow." She replied. "You're still my Captain no matter what.

"What if you didn't have to, anymore?" He bent himself slightly to face the Sergeant more clearly, that somehow made her blush a bit. The closeness between the two was also not helping her. Gulping, she tried to maintain her posture and body language, clearing her throat.

"I didn't get you, Captain." In light of confusion, Soap chuckled and pulled away from the Sergeant. "It seems we do need more time to get things right, because I think.. one of us isn't sure who's going to make the first move." He rubbed his head nervously, adjusting a bit to hide the thing behind him.

Scarlet heard a crumple of paper behind Soap's desk, that made her curious to know what it was. "What were you doing?"

Soap looked behind, and then realised what he was doing. "Oh, it's nothing lass. I was just.. uh, packing something. Wait, do you have a gift too?"

He glanced at the gift in your hand, and you hid it behind. "U-uh, no? I mean, it's.. it's uhm?"

"It clearly looks like a gift, Scarly." He rolled his eyes. "Is it for.. me?" He points at himself and grins.

"Uh, well.. it belongs.. to someone who I think about the most." She smiles. "Now.. tell me, what are YOU packing for?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. Soap sighed and thought to reveal it.

"Well uhm, it's.. it's a gift too for, someone special. The one who owns my heart." He smiled and slightly shook his head in embarrassment, to hide his blush. "Who do you think it could be for?"

".. oh." Scarlet could only let out one word from her mouth, the grip of her gift slightly loosening. "Well.. I don't know, do you know them? For how long?"

"A long time." He leans on the desk, folding his arms. "Even staying away from her, we never broke contact. She worried about me, cared for me.. she wanted me to come back home soon too, to start a new life." Soap started to think about the woman in her dreams, but at the same time, Scarlet's smile disappeared and her emotions were going on a turmoil when Soap was describing how the love of his life looked like.

"She's so special, like.. she always lights up my life whenever I see her. I miss her. I need her. She misses me too." He sighed sadly. "I can't wait to go back and see her. I'm just about to deliver this gift to her."

Scarlet could feel her grip losing onto her confidence sooner when Soap talked about where his heart belonged, much to Scarlet's dismay. Her fear came true, she dropped her head, with her eyebrows furrowed with the gift in her hands that no longer showed meaning to her or him. Whatever Roach said didn't become real, even if he was hopeful about it. It was proven that these years of friendship had always remained a friendship, not progress to something new. Because Soap had moved on, made a new life with another woman.

That brief separation in their childhood maybe could have been a sign that now it was time to be different from each other, and follow their goals. Even after everything.. the fate was sealed. Scarlet had no problem being now just a colleague for Soap, but the painful spear that stabs her heart in the revelation of Soap's feelings would always haunt her. Always make her undeserving for any love.

She felt.. she was too late for everything now. She got her answer to everything. She might have to spend Valentines Day all by herself now.

"What about you? What is your gift about?" Soap looked at her, smiling. Scarlet looked back at him, hopeless but tried to maintain her positive nature. "Oh, well.. it's.. just a gift. Nothing else. I thought I'd give it to the one who I felt I had feelings for."

Soap raised an eyebrow. "And.. who is it?"

Scarlet's face became a sign of worry, regret and upsetness, trying not to get into more pain if she continued into this. "I.. don't know. But I know it belongs to him." She tried to contain her emotions in front of him, and pursed her lips. Soap noticed something was wrong with her, and it made him concerned. Walking towards her, and lifting her head with her chin, he made her face him.

"Are you alright, lass?"

"I think I will be." She replies, smiling half-heartedly. Soap's eyes furrowed, thinking something was wrong.

"I-I think I have to go, I'm getting late, I need to deliver this gift. Thank you for everything, Captain. See you—!" Before Scarlet could leave, Soap grabbed her hand, and didn't let her go. It left her shocked, as her eyes widened.

"You didn't answer my question, lass." Soap said, softly. Scarlet's emotions spurring out the moment Soap prevents her from leaving. She didn't turn back, but she just shook her head in disappointment.

"Whom does this gift belong to? I want to know who you love." Soap pleaded with her to answer. Scarlet finally broke down, and looked at Soap with her eyes already stinging, ready to release tears. "It's nothing. It belongs to the one who I care for the most."

"You don't care for me then?" He said, making Scarlet shocked.

"What? No!"

"Did you even realise whom I could have been referring to this whole time?" Soap asked, but Scarlet wasn't ready to admit if it was actually the one she thought, or it's not what it looks like. "Don't give up on me, would ya?"

"How would I know about who you truly love, Soap? It isn't even possible.."

"But I thought after years of everything we've gone through.. you'd finally realise it.." He said, sadly. "I thought it would have already created an idea in you that we do have something in between."

".. something between us? What do you mean?" She raised an eyebrow.

".. Scarlet, this is where I realised you're the biggest muppet ever that passed selection."

"What, hEY!" She raised her voice and folded her arms. "What was that supposed to mean?!"

"You thought I was talking about someone else?" He raised an eyebrow.

".. of course. I thought, after all this time, you could have been made for someone else, too." She sighed and rubbed her arms, casting her head down.

"And this is why you weren't happy about it?"

Scarlet still kept her head shook, not able to face him. She pursed her lips and tried to control herself, and tried to calm down, sighing. "Look Soap.. I'm.. happy for you. I always have been. I guess, it wasn't fair for me to barge in your personal life because, I know.. we had a lot in common but, I realised.. you have a life too, right? You can't just.. stay bound to me forever, because we're just.. friends. Nothing else. I care for you, I do want you to have the best. Let it be.. a good life, a good relationship with a family. I just want you to be happy."

Soap blinked his eyes and his eyebrows furrowed at what you were saying. He understood everything that you were saying, but what was creating a barrier in between your feelings.. was the misunderstanding. The misunderstanding that the two DID have something for each other, but couldn't express it properly. The fear, the hopelessness, the regret.. of being too late was eating them up and something had to be done.

Soap looked at her, her body already smaller than him, but never felt so vulnerable. His eyes went to the gift, and slowly his hands went to the wrapped paper, and took it from her hand. She looked above to see Soap unwrapping it. It reveals an album that he opens, the moments they had when they were kids. All happy, without worries, fear, just.. pure happiness. Scarlet wanted to devote their long friendship through this book, and confess her whole feelings for him, by this gift wrapped with love.

It made Soap chuckle heartedly, grinning at Scarlet for this sweet gift. Every page was filled with nostalgia, and love. He closed the book, and felt more glad.. he extended his arms and hugged Scarlet lovingly. He rubbed her back, and never wanted to let her go. At all. He was scared to lose her, forget her..

"Thank you. Thank you, and God for letting this be just a misunderstanding.." Soap suddenly started to shed a few tears from his eyes, much to Scarlet's surprise. What was going on?

"Everyday, I hoped that I wasn't the undeserving one. If I was, I couldn't forgive myself. My life would have been truly meaningless, like how it was before." He sniffed, and kept hugging Scarlet. "I didn't want to celebrate Valentines Day alone too, ya know?" He chuckled, and cupped her cheeks.

"Huh..?" She was still in constant shock. Did.. Soap didn't love anyone else but always..

He brought the gift that he was wrapping, and asked Scarlet to open it. It was a box, and when she opened the lid, her eyes widened and the lid in her hand dropped. She slowly dragged the thing in her hand out of the gift, revealing it to be a blanket.. a piece of fabric, that held so much significance. So much that made Scarlet fill with so many memories..

"Whoo, it's pretty darn cold out there!" A young Soap was shivering inside his room, with a young Scarlet also shivering in the same manner.

"Wrap a blanket around you, laddie. You need it." She replied, trying to find a warm blanket around the room.

"Jokes on you, we only have one. And I think one of us would have to sleep in the open." John rolled his eyes.

"Come on, Johnny! What's the point of a sleepover if you don't have blankets? Bollocks, mate."

"Well, it's not my fault you didn't bring your own."

"My own? I was expecting that you'd keep some with you as spare. I'm not wrong either."

"I'm the only child in this house, Miss. One blanket exists with each member of this family. Stop being dramatic."

Scarlet rolled her eyes and just stole the blanket from him. "Hey that's mine, daft!"

"Sorry, now it's mine." She smiles and wraps it around her body, keeping her warm and letting John shiver in the cold. "Well, I won't mind if I give it to you, instead. You can't stay like thi—"

"Don't worry, I'd be good. You shouldn't catch a cold."

She was cosy in her blanket, but at the same time she couldn't see him like this. Seeing the blanket around her, she got up with a plan. "Uhm, Johnny?"

"What?" The young boy spoke in his Scottish accent, his words a little shuddering because of the cold.

"Let's do something new. We should name it as.. glue."

".. what kind of name is that? You mean pasting shit or stuff?"

"No you idiot." She rolled her eyes. "It only needs a blanket, but this time, we'd be in it together. So that we won't feel cold anymore." Scarlet opened the blanket a little to give him access to enter. "Come on, it'll be fun!"

John without hesitating, stepped into the blanket and wrapped himself around with it, sharing warmth with each other. It did feel better, especially in the blanket they were cuddled in, being comfortable and all cosy. John felt good. Warm. Safe, like nobody ever gave. Looking at Scarlet, he was really surprised that an idea could bring them closer like this. The two looked at each other, smiling and then stayed in the same spot, with the blanket "gluing" you two together.

And this is where.. it all connects. The same blanket Scarlet gave to Soap when they cuddled inside of it. Soap never forgot what they used to do when they were all young and free. She never believed he'd keep it with himself this long, much to Scarlet's regret of thinking he might not care for her. She pressed the blanket on her face, breathing in the fabric, the same scent she smelt back then, which made Scarlet cry too, soaking her tears in it. She couldn't believe it at all.

It proved that the two actually cared for each other. They had something in between. And it was time to let it all out.

"How was the surprise, shortie?" He grinned, caressing her hair gently.

Scarlet looks at Soap with teary eyes, and then hugs Soap tightly too. "I'm so damn sorry, John. I thought you were no longer mine. I was so scared.." She sniffed.

"I was scared for a second too, lass." He replied, hugging her back and comforting her. "It's just that we took a while to understand everything."

"We sure did. But now, I'm so glad.. that my feelings weren't just feelings.." She let the tears stream down her cheeks, crying in relief.

Soap gently shed tears too, glad that Scarlet wasn't taken too. "Me too, lass. But now.. this is where it all begins, love."

Soap and Scarlet looked at each other, ever so lovingly, intertwining their fingers with each other and shared a giggle and laugh, something which they couldn't live without. Soap pulled Scarlet's chin towards him to kiss her forehead, as she blushed. He was so beautiful in her eyes, but she was more in his eyes.

After the two calmed down, they were now talking about the gifts they received, while Roach in the meantime saw the two, being ever so happy in their space, makes him more relieved. It made him glad that Scarlet's doubt no longer existed once she opened up her feelings to him.

"I told you, Scarly. It will be okay." Roach said to himself, curling his lips into a soft smile, looking at the two being themselves, and being happier than ever.

#cod #call of duty #cod mw #call of duty modern warfare #call of duty fanfic #cod fanfic #john soap mactavish #johnny soap mactavish #cod oc #call of duty oc #samantha scarlet wright #soap x oc #soap x scarlet #valentines day fic #task force 141 #gary roach sanderson #modern warfare

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clockworkdrop · 1 year

Text

analyzing some costumes that were definitely only meant to be a fun recognizable character with little substance

note: it's been a while since I watched sailor moon so please correct me if I get something wrong

first, because I see this misunderstood a lot, damara is not a member of the lost weaboos. she's originally from the eastern provinces, and lives in the forest next to them. I've seen analysis on the peter pan themes that she's tinkerbell in the story, and similarly tinkerbell is not a lost boy, she just lives near them

because of that, I don't think damara has a particular interest in anime like rufioh. she doesn't dislike it or anything, but it's not a big deal to her. but early pre-game she'd go along with what he wants. which means rufioh would've been the one to pick these costumes, so analysis would be more about how he sees the relationship or what he wants it to be like

so... sailor moon was designed for an audience of young/adolescent girls. however, within pop culture especially in america the sailor scouts were seen as sex objects a lot of the time. they are not meant to be depicted that way in the show at all, but there was a section of teenage boys watching only because there were a bunch of pretty girls in short skirts

(lyrics from One Week by Barenaked Ladies)

there's a weird combination of infantilization and sexualization happening with damara within the text and I feel like some of that could apply. someone more knowledge than me should be the one to speak on it though

usagi and mamoru have struggles but at the end of the day they're destined to be together. they literally meet their daughter from the future at the start of season 2 they know they have to end up together. and that's probably comforting to rufioh, that even though there's all these struggles things will still magically work themselves out.

usagi is very childish, which makes sense since she's 14 but that's very much a major trait she has. she's lazy and impulsive and gets jealous easily.

mamoru is tuxedo mask, and the main thing about him is that his goal is to help sailor moon. rufioh was the leader of the lost boys but didn't see himself as some big hero. so he'd maybe like to see himself as some guy who wasn't the lead and took more of a backseat in the story, only showing up when needed to help the heroes.

there also something about the fact that usagi looks up to tuxedo mask because he seems like he knows everything compared to damara putting rufioh on a pedestal vs usagi thinking mamoru is a jerk and annoying compared to damara being tired with rufioh being childish and dishonest

there's also the fact that usagi and mamoru have an age gap. in the begining of the manga, usagi is 14 and mamoru is 16. in the anime, usagi is 14 and mamoru is 17, but he's also in a grade level that is usually for 18 year olds. I'm not mentioning this to bring in sailor moon discourse though. I'm mentioning it because of the fact that rufioh hit on aradiabot who is 13.

I don't really have a conclusion on this, but I do think there's something interesting going on with all this. maybe someone else can add more thoughts at some point lol

#homestuck #homestuck meta #dancestors #damara megido #rufioh nitram #homestuck analysis

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thetygre · 2 years

Text

The thing of Kreia is that she's not 100% comparable to Senator Armstrong and Dagoth Ur on the 'Video Game Villains Who Kind of Had a Point' scale. All three characters follow the same basic pattern;

Villain: I have a problem with [thing]!

Player: Yeah! Screw [thing]!

Villain: That's why I'm going to kill millions of people!

Player: Yeahhhh wait- No, that's bad.

Villain: [Player Character], you were victimized by and survived [thing], and look how cool you are! You should join me!

And then the big final boss fight starts, you get the picture. It's that last part that doesn't quite add up. In Metal Gear, Raiden is a victim of the military industrial complex; he was a literal child soldier, and later would go on to be so wounded that he would have to be half machine to survive. In Morrowind, the Nerevar, regardless of what race or path you choose, starts as a prisoner of the Empire. But in Knights of the Old Republic 2, the Jedi Exile isn't really a victim of anything done by the Force.

Yes, the Exile is kicked out of the Jedi, but the Jedi are just a group of people, and their politics don't really affect the Exile's (or any anybody else's) connection to the Force. It was the Exile themselves who chose to disconnect from the Force as a means of escaping unimaginable psychic pain. That fact is even central to Kreia's ideation of the Exile; that they were strong enough to cut themselves off from the Force and go on living their life. Put simply, the Jedi Exile has no beef with the Force.

But Kreia wasn't just appealing to the Exile, the player character; she was trying to appeal to the player. Because when Kreia talks about the Force in KotOR 2, it's not just the Force, but the entire moral system of the Star Wars franchise. The whole game, even the parts that aren't about Jedi, is about questioning Star Wars. Why are we fighting so hard for the Republic? Does the galaxy even perceive a difference between Sith and Jedi? Isn't this just a constant cycle of war for a bunch of space wizards?

I think Kreia was speaking to the player on a meta-level. Even in 2005, when KotOR 2 came out, franchise fatigue was beginning to set in. To be fair, it seemed like a good time to get meta and start asking some introspective questions about Star Wars, especially within the Expanded Universe. This was the same year Revenge of the Sith came out; the story was done being told now.

Surely it couldn't go on forever, right? Surely this was the end? How long did Star Wars really have? I mean could you imagine dragging Star Wars out for decades? Telling the same stories about the same characters over and over again? A never-ending deluge of spin-offs? An endless stream of content, with no end in sight? It can't be done, right?

Right?

#star wars #kreia #knights of the old republic 2 #kotor 2

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coldresolve · 8 months

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A huge part of the whump being torture apologia discussion comes from the fact that people exoticize torture. It's foreign. It's something you see in spy movies and read about in thrillers. It's a pain that most people can safely distance themselves from in order to experience emotional catharsis or simple enjoyment. The thing is, some people don't get to have that distance.

It's hard for me to describe the sheer grief that comes with it all. I know a man who was tortured in prison. People who faced abuse from family so severe that it amounted to torture. Someone whose torture was to watch their friends be deliberately hurt. I wish whump writers could learn to have compassion for these people as well, even if their lived experiences are not exceptionally common or openly spoken about.

If an author portrays domestic abuse in their writing, it's generally considered necessary and responsible for them to either write the abuse in a realistic way or to state outside their writing that their portrayal of this very real issue is unrealistic. This respects people's lived experiences with abuse and prevents creating a culture of normalizing and glorifying abusive behavior.

It's most definitely not too much to ask of whump writers to uphold those same standards when writing about torture.

you have no idea how nice it is to get someone well spoken and well thought out in my inbox every once in a while. uh im on like hr 30 of being awake and kinda struggling piecing my thoughts together right now, so forgive me if i dont make a lot of sense, but i wanna say sth

the tone of your ask for some reason really hit a nerve for me. like getting slapped in the face, kind of. i think its the fact you come across really compassionate and just. calm, thoughtful in this. kinda puts my approach into perspective lol

i think im just angry about this topic. like ive got a passion for wanting to get it right, but its driven by anger and frustration. having ppl nitpick the fuck out of everything i say instead of actually having the sorts of conversations that should be had about the topic. i know me being angry edgy tantrum controversial oh whats he gonna say now guy and all that, turns people away from listening to me but i dont know how else to approach it sometimes, i don't want to make excuses for people who i feel should know better. i dont have that kind of patience i guess, at least not right now

i think that anger is like a manifestation, symptom. im angry about the people this happens to, and how catastrophic it is. angry at the people who let it happen. the systems that are built around it. people don't see how systemic torture can be. im angry that the fucking war on terror media frenzy was so effective, because your average person still fucking believes in all the bullshit. or the idea of torture survivors being "broken" like its a personal failure, like its the result of their own shortcomings when they're some of the strongest people you can meet. just all these unfair ideas about it that are everywhere. and people still somehow find it necessary to keep spreading those ideas, even if they know theyre wrong. when it doesnt add anything of value, youre not saying anything about it, youre not actually adding something to the conversation by going along with the bullshit, youre literally just entertaining yourself

i dont know how to not be angry about it, i think. thats the growth goal for me i guess, cause i know this isnt the sorta thing thats gonna fix itself tomorrow. and i dunno your ask just made me think about that, like how i handle this on a personal level. and i think itd be healthy for me to step away from the discussion for a couple days at least and just. accept that i tried to reach people this round, maybe it didnt really work, thats fine, ill try again some other time. also i am writing all this very slowly cause my skull is kinda collapsing in on itself so to speak and maybe that has something to do with me being sorta hopelessly frustrated lmfao. apologies

#asks

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accultant · 2 months

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☕ JUST RANT

"Is it really, truly that difficult to keep your receipts unsoiled?" Iago hisses, waving a bloodied piece of paper in a Bhaalists face. They scoff, "Don't give me that look. This has nothing to do with sensitivity, it's about how legible this is! Do you understand how much paperwork I have to go through? Do you understand how this-" They shove the page in his face again. "-Is damn near unreadable because you gorehounds can't use your brains for anything more complex than a beheading! Honestly, do you think things run around here on fervor and bloodshed alone? Do you think severed hands and blood sigils pay the bills? Oh, don't look so offended, this isn't blasphemy, this is simply fact. Someone here has to think with something other than their blade."

They really should calm down, but something about the lack of sleep and the overwhelming pile of work ahead of them and the Bhaalist rolling his eyes when he thinks they aren't looking sets them off. It's hard for Iago to stop when they get going like this- There's a reason people are warned to stay away from their office while they're working.

"I would say I'm surprised this place is standing at all if it weren't for the fact that I know exactly what keeps it afloat. Here's a hint: It isn't any of the cretins that spend all day slashing around in a pile of innards! Hells, speaking of, no one even has the decency to clean up after themselves- Do you have any clue how costly custodial services for a murder palace are?"

The Bhaalist tentatively raises his hand and Iago promptly shoots him down, "Let me guess: 'we don't need to mop up the blood...' or maybe 'oh, but it adds to the atmosphere!' Do you know what else it adds to this lovely little place of worship? Diseases! Infestations!" He sheepishly lowers his hand.

"I swear, it's like working with a pack of wild hogs! This place could be quite literally falling apart and no one would notice a thing as long as they had their guts and gore to keep them content. It is, by the way, falling apart. The infrastructure here is wretched and I've had to dip into the reserves for hush money three months in a row now just to cover repairs. Maybe it's simply the latest murder fad I haven't caught up on, but some of you seem to think that a little roughhousing adds to the flair of a good sacrifice. We have altars for a reason- plenty of them!- there is absolutely no excuse for flinging around victims into load-bearing columns!"

There is a bored and mumbled, "Yes, my Lord, I apologize, my Lord," that is entirely ignored.

"And another thing -

#average tax season in the bhaal temple #this was so fun it's been sitting in my drafts for way too long #spiderwarden #★. *･｡━━━ 🎱 an extraordinary machine ~ ic #★. *･｡━━━ 🪤 stupid intruders ~ inbox #★. *･｡━━━ 🐁 where your nightmares end… willard begins! ~ headcanons and fun facts #this is the most they have spoken for weeks #★. *･｡━━━ 📸 memoirs of a roadkill ~ highlights

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yvesdot · 2 months

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i believe that you're a person with the best intentions, and i don't doubt it's true that a certain number of palestinian fundraisers are scams, but the tone of the post you recently reblogged on this feels really racist and unpleasant, from the way they imply every fundraiser is a scam to making up stereotypical arabic names to serve their point as though a fundraiser being run by someone named Mohamed or Noor or whatever is inherently suspicious and not just like names that Palestinian people commonly have. if you feel motivated to look at the blogs of the people who actually vet these fundraisers and read what they have to say about their process and how they defend themselves i think you'll get a much more rounded view of the situation and how many fundraisers are fake than if you just trust of some random presumably white American claiming theres some massive Palestinian scammer conspiracy (which, uh, i think should ring some alarm bells as a claim?)

https://www.tumblr.com/el-shab-hussein/757726704054763520/kind-of-important-post?source=share (same anon of earlier message) here's a post by one of the people verifying fundraisers for easy access! if you want to share to your followers i would really appreciate it because there's so much misinformation and confusion going on right now

Thank you for sending this. I've deleted the post and will respond in a bit more detail below the cut.

Firstly, you have my apologies, because reblogging the post without calling out its racism is unacceptable and inexcusable. I did initially notice the "interchangeable" names (as well as calling people "Arabic-looking" ??) and in fact almost did add a tag about them, and the fact that I didn't-- and only noted my disagreement with the point about charities vs direct aid-- is in itself racist. I was in a rush, and the fact that in that moment I prioritized "getting the word out about possible scams!!" over making sure I didn't reblog anything racist is, well, also racist. (This general busyness is also why it took me until after Shabbat to respond to this-- I have now taken a few hours on either side to read further on the subject; thank you for waiting and I apologize for not managing to do more than delete the post before Shabbat began.)

The facts of the matter are that, the more I look at posts espousing skepticism, the more I see an inability to give any grace to Palestinians making these campaigns who are advertising in a non-native language on an unfamiliar website, and Palestinians who are heavily overworked right now verifying all of these campaigns while dealing with the obvious emotional toll of the genocide of their people. It's particularly egregious to me that there has been no apology for any of the individual racist elements of these posts or for targeting specific Palestinians we now know have gone through ID verification. I will be reaching out to the people I'm mutuals with to at least do my due diligence there. (Also, of course, I will be doing a lot more personal introspection on how I address situations like this in the future.)

Once again, thank you for reaching out to me. I was speaking to someone just the other day about how difficult it can be to reach out to a stranger on a mistake-- let alone a bigoted one-- they have made, and you should know I am deeply grateful to you for stepping up, particularly with much more kindness than was warranted. You (and anyone else) are welcome to say more on anonymous or in DMs.

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problematicfactive · 10 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/problematicfactive/733976132482891776 -> the OP excludes factkin for some reason, just want to let you know

I do not dislike factkin. I don't have anything against them and also have no intentions of hurting people. That being said, this isn't a factkin blog. It never has been, and the message of this blog has never been angled towards factkin.

I'm aware that some of my viewers found me through blogs that are explicitly pro factkin or, in the case of one blog, factkin oriented. But as npc has said, we keep our stance on most things quiet because that isn't what the blog is about. And in the case of that factkin blog, I really wish they didn't reblog my posts in the first place. Nothing against factkin folk, my content is for problematic factives specifically. That's who I cater my content towards.

If it helps you, that's amazing, I'm glad you're able to take something on the internet and turn it into a way to positively affect your life, all I ask is that it be understood that you aren't the target audience. (You being any nonfactive factkin in my audience.)

I see on the daily posts along the lines of "here's how to disconnect from your source" "here are tips on source disconnecting" "here's what helped me disconnect from my source" and that's not what I want.

For problematic factives, postfactivehood is expected. People will pretend to be in your support and absolutely turn on you when they find out you have no intentions on being a postfactive. They only support you for you when you're actively seeking to not be yourself. It causes problematic factives to try to rip themselves from their identities.

A lot of them do. Or at least, they try. Then they realize the pain or discomfort of being someone else is worse for them than just being who they are. Then they're miserable and theyre stuck, and as someone who's been there, I hate the idea of it. I thrive on pushing the idea that it's okay not to seek postfactivehood. My blog is not for postfactives. It's for factives.

I reposted that for the problematic factive following me that's in that weird state of. Not really being themselves anymore. And being miserable about it. I want them to know they can come back if they want. And I want them to know that I'll take them in.

I know factkin probably go through very similar things. If a problematicfactkin blog were to pop up, I'd very much support the concept. But that's not me. I'm not factkin and I can't speak for factkin, we aren't the same. My best friends are factkin and I'm reminded everyday that they're factkin and I'm a factive and, yeah, there are similarities. Big ones. But we are not the same.

I was not aware of the original posters stance on factkin, but that doesnt change the fact that Its a good list. I couldn't think of much more to add to what they had or I'd make my own. Unless I come up with enough to make my own, I'm not going to take that one down. I'm sorry if that's upsetting.

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spamtonology · 2 years

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I’m really curious about your view on the whole “a darkner’s purpose is to serve lightners” and how it might apply to Spamton!

Do you think he’s aware of this inclination? And if he is, do you think he despises it in the way it can be seen as something else out of his control?

Or do you think it’s just something he doesn’t really question? Which… probably might not be the case? He rlly wanted to reach heaven and that matched with the whole inhabiting a lightner’s creation PLUS wanting to take a soul for themselves is just… fascinating. Like in the oh man is this borderline blasphemous? sort of way—since lightners basically created darkners and so on and so forth.

But then there’s the whole conclusion at the end of the regular/pacifist route where he decides to help out the fun gang and even becoming an item that can be used by the party—which is like a total 180 to how he was perceiving them before?

Don’t mean to add on a second question to this already super long ask but: what do you think is his opinion on lightners in general?

Idk. I apologize if I’m rambling! This has just been on my mind for quite some time and I’d really love to see someone else’s opinion on it!

Don't apologize for rambling, I like asks that make me think. I will apologize here for taking so long (see previous ask).

Before I get into anything here, I want to say that my friend, who I discussed this with, pointed out that 3 out of 4 of these questions are easily answered by playing (or watching a playthrough of) both chapters. This isn't meant to be a rag on you or anything, just a reminder that in case you really don't know, try to look back at the source material because you might already have the answer!

Spamtonology is really just for fun, but "look back at the source material if you don't know" is generally a good rule of thumb in academics that you should follow. Second and third party sources can be unreliable (even if you think it's well done), so you really always have to make sure. Where were you getting most of your sources from for these questions to appear? It's a common fandom effect that the easily explained canon can get obscured in the way of fanon.

Honestly, you can even see this in academic settings. Imagine you have an essay due for Hamlet, but instead of looking at the source material for canon answers, you read Sparknotes...or more egregiously, watch the Simpsons parody. Extreme example, I know, but it's there.

This is already getting long, so I'll put it under a readmore.

Yes, as my friend said, this is the whole motivator behind the Darkner's actions, from Ralsei to King to Jevil and Spamton to the Addisons. Everyone is aware of this (Lancer only had to be told because he is a small child. Think of it as like a 5 year old in a Christian upbringing having to be told that God exists and all that and therefore he has to behave well).

As for the next bit about Spamton despising this fact...this is literaly answered in the text. Going back to my previous analogy, imagine asking your English teacher "Do you think Hamlet despises that his uncle murdered his father"? This is something that is answered straight away in the text and doesn't need to be asked if you already read the story/played the game. Spamton's speech can be hard to understand, but you surely could understand that he hates all of this by his actions in-game. A common theme that unites the secret bosses and other Darkner antagonists in the game is how they've been viewed as "useless" to Lightners, such as being a joker card (Jevil) or spam email (Spamton). This is much of their motivation behind their actions, and it's quite clear in the text so I am unsure as to how you missed that.

Notice that Spamton speaks in an entirely different manner and tone during this scene. For a majority of the chapter, Spamton is a character trapped by his mental and physical limitations and the fact he is an "useless" Darkner. He had lost his mental stability and is obviously not in the right mind up until his last scene in the pacifist/neutral route. Adding on to that, he relates so heavily to Kris and saw them as a similarly trapped soul, a puppet, that is why at the very end he lends them his strength (even to their friends, since he saw that they still had friends willing to back them up as opposed to Spamton's "friends" that left him long ago).

His opinion on Lightners is probably quite mixed, Spamton is a man who can't really keep his word, he's full of contradictions. I think whatever is happening to him or whatever is in/convenient for him at the time, he will have a different opinion on Lightners depending on that situation.

#spamton

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linkspooky · 2 years

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do you have tips on how to write fanfiction? this is a list of what a struggle with,

dialogue

character writing

writing from POV(point of view)

do you have tips?

Ummm, I'm basically talking out of my ass when I try to give other people advice, but I'll try my best here.

DIALOGUE

One thing I do is before even attempting to write a characters dialogue I write out guidelines and rules for how they might speak. Like, imagine you were a tv show writer and you were about to hand your character off to another writer, you write them like "they sound like this, they don't sound like this, they wouldn't say this."

Example: Michikatsu is incredibly polite and formal in his dialogue almost to the point where he sounds stiff. Michi's dialogue should sound like Gojo's dialogue except Gojo takes an aggressive authoritative tone and Michi takes a passive aggressive one. Michi babbles about his special interests and personal thoughts and doesn't notice when other people aren't listening. Michi's rarely up front about anything. Michi’s incredibly flippant, if you insult him too his face he’ll usually laugh it off. etc. etc.

Write out a summary of the entire conversation first before you even start to attempt to write it, don't just sit at a blank sheet of paper with a plan and attempt to pull a conversation out of thin air. I think a lot of people ignore that a big part of writing is planning and prep work.

You can write a conversation in script format first for a first draft, and then go back and add the prose and in between bits for a conversation earlier. Also it's way easier to edit the dialogue in script format.

POINT OF VIEW

So like number one you have to pick a perspective for your story and stick with it. Don't use first person perspective if there's nothing really unique about being inside of the character's head or there's nothing added by their first person narration and personal insight. Third person limited means you have watching from the back of their eyeballs, you can't describe the character like a camera floating around them. Third person omniscient you can jump anywhere but you should try to be clear when you are switching between perspectives in a scene.

You have to strike the right balance between physical description of the characters environment around them, and then thoughts and feelings of the character themselves. One thing I say is like, picture you are a director for a movie and try to decide where you think the camera should linger when you're writing up prose descriptions.

A third person omniscient narrator should be perspective, but if you're writing a third person limited narrator then every person in the whole world has a personal bias to their thoughts. Their thoughts and opinions should not be considered objective facts because a lot of characterization can come from where their biases differ from the truth. Every character should also start out with like a "Wrong" opinion, or a "Wrong" way they see the world, or just a mistake in their understanding that can be corrected.

This goes hand in hand with: Fictional characters are liars.

CHARACTER WRITING

Write meta and character analysis for your own characters. One thing I always do before I start any story is write character profiles like they were characters in a databook with long summaries of their personalities, and like relevant parts of their backstories. If you're writing your own character then like, this is your time to shine. Try to think clearly about what you want the audience to understand about the character. If you're writing someone else's character, then think about your personal thoughts for the character. B/c if you're writing fanfic like the goal unless it's an au is to write as close to canon as possible but literally no matter what you are going to be writing your personal take on the character.

Always think of your endpoint for the character first, because the whole story is the journey there. If you don't know where you are going you're just going to meander. Umm, a really basic way to describe character arcs is a want versus need conflict, what they think they want versus what they actually need. So your goal is to get them to realize what they need.

OCS INTERACTING WITH OTHER CHARACTERS

For OCS interacting with other ocs I do not have a ton of advice other than you should try to picture how interacting with this person would be in real life. Like characters can be drama queens and have tragic backstories, but imagine if they were just a person in your friend group. Would they be passive aggressive? Would they be annoying? Would they be a downer? They helps with personal interactions with other people.

Also in general try to think about what you want to get out of the scene by these two characters interacting. Do you just want it to be funny? Do you want the audience to learn something about these characters? LIKE That's a big focus in general. What does the audience learn here? What does this add to the story?

For OCS interacting with canon characters. I am all about OC Love but my best advice here is just like ocs interacting with other ocs you should try to use the OCS themselves to demonstrate character traits the canon characters have. Like, forget they are an OC for a moment, pretend they are a canon character just write them the same way you would write Itadori and Megumi interacting. However, the added caveat is you have to introduce and OC and exposit on them enough the audience understands their personality b/c they can't use their knowledge of canon characters as a reference material.

Also in general just like any canon character if you are putting them in a story you should ask yourself "What is the purpose of this character in the story? What do they add to it? Why do I want to include them?"

#askspookies

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argentsunshine · 8 months

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anon with the add on back :

yeah, now that you explain it does make a bit more sense but it. just hurts because whereas they acknowledged yusuke blantantly lying about madarame stealing his work, they seem to just completely kind of ignore akechi's warnings and that doesnt even make sense to me.. they dont even really acknowledge it, all because they dont know who he's working for until the last minute, and that doesnt make sense to me at all. but ty for taking ur time to ramble: i actually do it myself a lot, and i have so many thoughts abt so many things that i'd like to explore more in depth but can't put in words myself .. i'd just wish theyd atleast acknowledge that akechi is being used the same way everyone else was instead of ignoring it, even if they still cant continue to aid him: it feels like they didnt try (to me), even with ryuji's ... hatred for him, i'd atleast think that ryuji would atleast try to acknowledge it and want to do something but being unable to instead of still being an ass, even if goro is one as well (and i think, speaking of mental illness, as someone with npd and aspd and avpd, goro has both symptoms of npd and aspd: futaba has symptoms of avpd, but thats a topic at a later time.) and i think goro's not truly being himself in 3rd sem when he's blunt and mean, that he's still constantly masking, as people with npd and or aspd do like myself, and he's tired of being nice on tv so he has to pull thin insults when in real life because as much as he masks, it gets annoying, and he (along with myself and many others) likely has low empathy and just thinks of others (especially those of ryuji's caliber, as much as i love ryuji and everyone else) as , well put, idiots, because they dont know as much as he does, and the fact that they know more than him in the metaverse has likely made him crash (his engine room was essentially an npd crash, i think), but them not knowing "basic information" (as my brain puts) likely gives him a narc high, which also leads to thinly veiled insults.. adding onto the npd goro akechi, i think akira is his ep (Equal Person-- people w/ npd hold them to high standards, higher than they hold for themselves, and expects them to challenge eachother-- essentially akechi's rivalry with akira.. in alternative, bpd akira tells me that akechi is his FP, but i can discuss that at a later time)

regardless, and apologizes for this long paragraph, tysm for responding because that does make things a little clearer, and no one's really talked to me about it before, so thank you :D

yeah, i absolutely get where you're coming from - although i think the statement "they're ignoring his warnings because they don't know who he's working for" has the flipside of "by the time those warnings are given, the thieves already know he's the black mask and is presumably being manipulated by someone, so he's not actually warning them about anything they don't already know"

but yeah, the only reason i don't think they should have reached out to him pre-engine room is that i don't know when in the story that would have been an option: their plan to find out who his boss was wouldn't have worked if they'd tipped him off to the fact that they knew he was the black mask, and after 11/20, he thinks Akira's dead, and i doubt he would gave listened to any of the others. i think Ryuji's treatment of him us also kind of a result of Ryuji's general main story characterisation - in game the vibe is very much that ryuji doesn't like him because he's popular and smarmy and talked shit about the thieves on live tv, rather than the fact that he's a murderer, but they don't let ryuji have complex takes on things in the story ever. now im thinking about their relationship in my palace au lmao. if i were to frame it in more. terms. idk. ryuji hates the detective prince. but akechi doesn't respect ryuji so ryuji has no reason to try harder

and on the npd/aspd front - I'm not super familiar with npd but i can absolutely see that (i think akechi has a bunch of obvious Mental Illness Symptoms that are common to a lot of things, which is why i think mentally ill bitches latch onto him no matter what's going on. people saying he has npd have always sounded right to me i think he's autistic also because -- well you heard what i said about unsympathetic symptoms of mental illness last time) but as someone who has some symptom overlap i think youre 100% right on stuff i know about. low empathy bitches rise up.

but yeah, i think a lot of stuff is kind of the result of the writers seeming constantly all over the place with him. i think it's especially bad in the section from 11/20 to the engine room, because while i think in royal there was some vision for who he was supposed to be, everything in vanilla is far more over the place, and in some cases vanilla's contradictory writing of him is made worse by its interactions with royal's akechi content. because 11/20 isn't designed to accommodate for the possibility that this guy could be your actual friend rather than a guy you've spoken to a few times turned tenuous ally turned traitor. i don't think akechi ever would have acted differently in a way that mattered, but the way the thieves talk about him is in line with his flatter villain characterisation in that period in vanilla. he's a terrible irredeemable evil person until just before he dies, and then he's a tragic victim to the point that in the shadow shido fight, they talk as if akechi wasn't responsible for any of his own actions, despite the fact that he was demonstrably doing it of his own free will. and then he dies and you're not supposed to care because he's a Bad Guy so they barely bring him up again in vanilla. all that rings a little strange with the royal stuff

anyway all this has got me thinking about the dynamics between akechi and the non-akira thieves. i should really keep writing my akira's palace fic

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