#i don't think its explicitly stated but at least in the show it doesn't seem like Hermes has claimed him to me

[hamletshoeratio]

"They brought up May too early!"

No, no, they haven't. It makes sense that Annabeth knows about May, or at least has an idea of what happened to her, and make no mistake; all she has is an idea and theory about May. She doesn't know the May Luke grew up watching or about the curse Hades put on the oracle of delphi or how and why that curse affected May. Non book viewers don't know what state May is currently in, this is just building up to her heartbreaking appearance in tlo, and it also raises the stakes of Rachel's arc between botl and tlo (worry and wariness from Percy and Annabeth regarding a mortal who can see through the mist as well as Rachel, just like May could, fear about what that could mean for Rachel). Also Luke, especially from Percy's pov from the end of tlt to nearly the end, is a villain. By introducing these elements of his past now, the full reveal will also help re- humanise Luke when it looks like he is lost forever. It will make everything hit so much harder.

[raayllum]

Time to be wonderfully self indulgent and talk about a scene comparison I've wanted to for a hot second (while pointing very decidedly to This Post for posterity's sake).

So let's talk about the hostage exchanges for Callum and Rayla in 4x09 and 5x08, shall we?

First, let's look at the scene setup.

In 4x09, Rayla is very much the aggressor and pursuant, and the one who — initially — has more power. She has her sword up to Terry's throat, neither him nor Claudia have strong reason to think she wouldn't go through with it, and she explicitly threatens Terry's life precisely because of his importance to Claudia. This is similar as to why Finnegrin threatens Rayla (though there are differences, which we'll get to in a moment), so both elves start out as the aggressor in each scenario.

However, there is soon a shift. Callum's "deal" happens because he escalated violence against Finnegrin (the infamous punch), a tad more similarly perhaps to how Rayla is only threatening Terry because she believes Claudia and co. are a threat to the whole world. Now to be fair, Claudia is only threatening Rayla's parents because Rayla is threatening Terry, but we can assume she had the realization of their connection to Rayla a while ago and has been sitting on it just in case she needed leverage, given that she doesn't seem to need a second to consider. I also think we're inclined, typically within the show, to see the person offering up Options / a choice to make as the one who holds more power in the immediate situation (i.e. Karim's whole sun seed for Janai debacle) even if it may be 60-40 the way it is here.

Not a huge power imbalance, but enough that people are being pushed into corners, and that's exactly where Claudia and Finnegrin attempt to do, and arguably do more successfully, to Callum and Rayla respectively.

We've talked a fair bit about Claudia, so now I want to talk about Finnegrin, simply because he gets a whole episode of corner backing, and therefore there's more stages.

The first stage is Finnegrin attacking Callum as an individual — "Look at you: slave to your friends, your loyalties, your pride. I can give you your freedom though" — and it's the least effective, as Callum never budges or shows any real hints of budging even under torture. However, Callum's admission that he has indeed done dark magic before ("I did one spell. One. I had to, to save my friends") gives Finnegrin the tools he needs to create the next prong of his approach.

Stage two is attacking Callum through his friends, and is far more effective. This is why he sets the hand cutting challenge, and Callum buys into it, i.e. the idea that he has to choose, over the idea that Callum could conceivably offer up his own hand instead. This is not to say that he wouldn't — there's little doubt in my mind that Callum wouldn't have seriously considered if not outright done the chain spell up on deck if Rayla hadn't tried to intervene, since as Finnegrin correctly assesses, "They would do anything for you, so clearly you'll do anything for them" — just that his own hand didn't occur to Callum as an option the way it might've to someone like Rayla.

The third stage, of course, is the one that's most interesting to us, simply in how Callum's "hostage deal" differs from Rayla's in both its construction, their assumptions, and their responses.

Claudia: One thing I don't know though — if I threw the coins in the lava, would it release your spirits? Or would they be trapped in some kind of eternal burning agony? Let's trade. You let him go... and I'll give you the coins.

Finnegrin: The cave is for his protection. This way, he lures us a leviathan but doesn't get eaten. The one getting thrown into the sea serpent's hungry mouth is your elf girl.

Claudia's offered deal is different from Finnegrin's in a few ways.

1) Claudia's deal is explicitly stated in not just the text, but the scene itself ("Let's trade") meanwhile Finnegrin, unlike the two stages prior, does not offer Callum any notion of freedom this time around. Even though neither ends up being a fair deal regardless, the setup of said deal is different. Rayla is being legitimately offered; Callum is making a (desperate but understandable) assumption.

2) Exemplified in a drabble I wrote in which Finnegrin was bluffing, I think it's worth noting that the peril Rayla's parents were in was much more apparent. They were completely defenseless, Claudia was already holding them over the lava, and just one quick throw would be enough to potentially leave them in an "eternal burning agony" (which sounds worse than death by sea leviathan to me; at least that decidedly ends at one point). Rayla could see and hear all this. Callum, by contrast, did not see Rayla tied up, or in distress, and Finnegrin had no proof other than his word. That's not to say Callum was wrong to believe him — he'd just watched Finnegrin torture her, and Finnegrin was very much not bluffing in canon — but that normally Callum is a bit more skeptical and wants a bit more proof in regards to things, and this was a time where emotion really pushed him forward. The immediate consequences of however Rayla responded would be seen with her own eyes, where it's unlikely Callum would've even known precisely when Rayla had died/been eaten with any of his senses or knowledge; it's arguably the one 'mercy' that Finnegrin provided him.

3) And as stated, both Claudia and Finnegrin end up being disingenuous. It seems likely that Claudia always intended to trick Rayla, even if she'd let Terry go, given that while we don't see her slight of hand in general on screen, it doesn't seem like it would've been possible for her to take the coins back out again and switch them before tossing the pouch. That seems like a one and done type of thing earlier on. Finnegrin, of course, takes Callum to task for his assumption ("Oh my poor lad; that deal was no longer on the table") and given his choice to feed Rayla to the sea leviathan anyway, I don't think Finnegrin was ever telling Callum about his plans in order to get him to give up the info. I think it was just supposed to be a punishment, plain and simple, for the literal blow to his pride.

But now for the difference I think everyone clicked on this meta for, realistically, are the choices that Callum and Rayla made in response to the offered Deals.

When Rayla's parents lives are on the line, she considers, but ultimately refuses.

She does not partake in the deal. Rather, she escalates her own refusal of it by pushing Terry to his knees, says so outright — "I'm not making a deal with you!" — and looks up at Claudia, watching and waiting to see how she responds. Claudia as wholly tossed the coin pouch, and Rayla is seeing it arc down towards the lava, before she finally releases Terry to go and try to save her family.

Rayla does not fold the second her parents are verbally threatened, or when there is a possibility of getting them back. Despite her wanting to stop Claudia and Viren, the bigger issue is ultimately letting Claudia escape > actually keeping Terry away from her as an ally/helper. It is only when her parents will burn to death in front of her eyes that she relinquishes her stalemate in an attempt to save them.

You can argue that Rayla going back on her refusal means she made the same choice as Callum in 5x08, and that's fine; it's your prerogative, it's your interpretation, it's cool beans.

However, that doesn't ignore the character beat that Rayla at least refuses upon the first possibility of a threat. Claudia directly threatens three of Rayla's loved ones, and Rayla doesn't budge and verbally/physically refuses to give Claudia what she wants.

And Callum does the same with Finnegrin under torture... until Finnegrin threatens Rayla. The second Callum realizes that Rayla is in danger, that she will or might be killed, Callum folds.

The parallel response here would've been Rayla letting go of Terry the second that Claudia said she might throw the coins into the lava, but Rayla doesn't. And Callum does, even though as he said earlier ("I'm not going to help you murder the Archdragon of the Ocean") this makes him complicit in murder.

And this is where Callum's assumption really bites him in the ass, because he assumes that Finnegrin is still operating under the terms of their previous deal ("Told me something I wanted and now she's free as a bird") even though Callum isn't asking for his freedom, but Rayla's. But Finnegrin's pride is wounded — this was always meant to be a straight up punishment, not enough form of coercion — the wick of his anger lit, so it makes no difference.

Rayla refuses Claudia's deal when thinking it existed, only to find out it didn't. Callum agrees to Finnegrin's deal only to find it out it no longer exists. He gave Finnegrin what the pirate wanted and it isn't even going to save the person he gave it up for.

Both failed exchanges — or in Rayla's case, a failed rescue — end in defeat and devastation: Rayla sobbing and letting out a scream of anguished frustration, and Callum laying on the floor in despair, totally sideways from how much he's pulling at his chains.

I don't think I have to say much else as these scenes and comparisons basically speak for themselves. Neither choice these two make is necessarily the right or wrong choice — for Rayla, her inability to put what she wants first could've resulted in her parents' deaths and has caused herself and others a lot of suffering; for Callum, he understandably wanted to protect a loved one at all cost, even if that left him exploitable and unsuccessful amid Finnegrin's ire, and gave the pirate a dangerous piece of information.

However, I do think that although Callum's choice spells an ominous future (and that Rayla's foreshadows the uncertainty of what she may do when Callum is, inevitably, possessed again, and their futures collide), it's worth examining it as his biggest, more positive difference from Viren, and that's what my next post will be about — so stay tuned if you like.

[littleeyesofpallas]

Dumb bit of comic nerd shenaniganary I get my knickers in a twist about is how often people try to complain about that one time Batman and Batgirl had an awkward fling. And it's not like I ship it, it was half baked, with zero chemistry, and poorly written. But people will get all uppity about there being a problematic "age gap", which, for one, just is an immaterial thing in a work of fiction. But also it's just flat out wrong.

Bat canon is wonky at the very best of times, but there are a few anchoring events we are kind of expected to take for granted in any timeline that doesn't explicitly state otherwise:

Bruce starts Batman'ing at 25

Dick's parents die when he is 8, and in Year 2

It's not clear when Dick forms the Teen Titans, but the earliest it could be is 13, obviously.

When Barbara is introduced the Teen Titans already exist

When Barbara is introduced she works at the Gotham Libtary

Other than the 1966 TV show, this fact is extended to her having a MLIS; that's a 3 year degree, minimum.

90s continuity had her graduate high school at 16, this doesn't apply retroactively, but could be assumed of later iterations

part of her origin includes being inspired by Batman after overhearing a phonecall between Batman and Comissioner Gordon as a "teenager"

Dick drops the Robin moniker to go to college, implicitly around 17-18

Shortly after he dons the Nightwing moniker for the first time

(I'm not counting the nu52 timeline where she starts as a college undergrad because that one doesn't gel with any of the other versions and has to be its own standalone thing.)

Conveniently there is an overlap of constraints: if she is 13 in year one, the earliest she could overhear the phone conversation, and she graduates highschool early, then with 7 years of secondary education, the earliest she could debut at batgirl would be 22-23, which lines up with Dick being 16-17, nearly the latest time she can debut while he is still Robin. If she graduates HS at 18 she overshoots Dick's tenure as Robin entirely. This puts one cap on this.

But on the other hand, she can only get older than Dick if we try to nudge her timeline around. The other end of this is that if she overhears the phone call at 19, the latest she can, then she would have to spend a number of years between graduation and debut as Batgirl in order to give Dick time to form the Teen Titans at, at the earliest, 13yo. And that pushes her debut age to 25.

In either case, she is 6-12 years younger than Bruce, and conversely 12-6 year older than Dick. The split on Bruce:Dick:Babs ranging from 34:16:22 to 31:13:25. But, again, I don't think people who try to scrutinize the ""morality"" of fictional scenarios, least of all romantic age gaps, are in touch enough with reality to even warrant arguing with, but you see the problem with just the basic math, right?

She's a grown ass woman by the time she starts Bat"girl"ing and people just have this obnoxious hangup about infantilizing her all the damn time for seemingly no real reason, fans and actual creators alike. Is it because the name has "girl" in it? Is it because of some residual thing from Bette Kane being an obvious parallel to Dick? Or just the fact that they date at all? Is it just the general history sexism in superhero comics as a genre?

Also I didn't mention it because it's kinda firmly outside of consideration for this, but she even has a golden age story where part of her origins being inspired to be a superhero includes meeting Superboy as a teenager. They even dated for a hot second.

Seriously, people need to remember that she is decidedly not the same generation of heroes as the Teen Titans or even her seeming brand parallels like Super Girl or Wonder Girl --I won't try to nail down the Superfam and Batfam timelines, because they just do not play nice together, not enough to get a hard number on anyway, but Kara lands on Earth as a 17yo, vs Babs' aforementioned debut as a 20-something.

[marley-manson]

In Love and War

-- Potter sucked lol, straight up says he didn't tell Hawkeye about Kyung Soon's circumstances and let him go off about rich people because as a colonel he doesn't need to explain orders. Then topped it off by being condescending while stating the 'love during a war sucks' theme. Oh ALSO not a fan of his explanation for transfering the nurse who Donald hit on comparing her and Margaret to a car and a horse respectively. Minor in the grand scheme of things, but like, it's very Potter.

-- Loretta Swit was so fucking funny in the shower scene

-- the Kyung Soon + BJ goodbye scene parallels are so strong lol, kudos for that

-- headcanon that Hawkeye is not a lit guy heavily reinforced \o/ I only remembered like one line, but his interactions with Kyung Soon were actually full of not getting her lit and poetry references, and he even made a self-depricating joke about quoting the Divine Comedy from a comic book version - a joke I think is exaggerated, I do assume he's probably at least read some of it for school, but it does tell us that Hawkeye doesn't see himself as a literature knower

-- Hawkeye trying and failing to hammer a board, Kyung Soon takes the hammer from him and tells him his hands are for surgery. that's my guy

-- love Hawk and Margaret commiserating together at the end, sans explanation. it's a little odd this early, but not so odd that it feels implausible, so it strikes a good balance evocative of a burgeoning friendship.

-- Kyung Soon was a pretty solid character for a single episode love interest. kudos for that.

-- I've seen posts that interpret this episode as a critique of American imperialism so I was watching the ep with an eye out for it, but I don't see it as an intended theme. I think you can pick it up essentially as a side effect of the show trying to realistically portray a downer romance between an American draftee and a Korean civilian, but the ep is very on the nose about its theme (romance and war don't mix) and everything that points in that more specific and political 'critique of imperialism' direction is either a) undermined shortly later (eg Hawkeye suggesting they eat dinner in a bombed out restaurant initially seemed potentially insensitive and out of touch, but Kyung Soon and the narrative finds it romantic), b) furthering the more general war sux theme (eg the bombed out restaurant, or Hawkeye's class A uniform at the funeral, as foreboding symbols of the war poised to separate them), and/or c) something I wouldn't expect a mainstream 70s audience to understand as a critique of imperialism without further explicit contextualization (eg Hawkeye's uniform again).

Plus, rather than being critiqued as an American, Hawkeye is pointedly portrayed as ~one of the good ones~ with the way Kyung Soon explicitly says she likes him because he "cares about [her] people," and his response to Charles' racism. Maybe a little naive in a way that can be taken politically, but not in a way I believe is intended to be a political statement - it's Hawkeye's idealistic romanticism imo, since it's contrasted to Potter's world-weary realism.

Basically I can see the anti-imperialism lens the way you can view most of Mash through it, but I'm not inclined to give the show credit for a thoughtful anti-imperialism sentiment here. They've done anti-imperialism episodes and they tend to be more clumsy lol and much more overt. Imo the tragedy in this episode is the war, not the American presence in the war.

-- That said, I think the lack of intentional messaging and the focus on sad realism works in this episode's favour, because it's overall pretty good. I mean it's still a rushed one-ep romance which never actually works, but within the bounds of its format, it's successful imo. And the realistic touches do add up to an implicit, if accidental, critique of imperialism if you're inclined to see it. It's a solid lens to view the episode through, just not one I'd praise the writers for.

[daphnedauphinoise]

What do you think about sending nudes ? I don't know what to do and I would like some Daphne advice

I just won't do it. I do have a streak of being a prude but even objectively I would not do it, or at least without some safety precautions. There is a bajillion reasons why, but they all boil down to personal safety and reputation. If your pictures ever get out, you will lose a lot. You never know if the photos have been saved, how many people have seen it and you don't know when they will come back to haunt you. Revenge porn is sadly incredibly common and its devasting to think that someone you have trusted could do something like that but it is reality and something you have to consider. It hurts to think that someone you love could even do that to you but you just never know how people will act out with their hurt and pain. And maybe it won't be them, it could be someone they shared the photos with.

However if you were to send and share; remember no face, no case. This is literally the basics but crop your face out or just don't show it.

Cover up any noticable things like birthmarks and tattoos. Make sure there isn't anything identifiable in the background. Including (but not limited to) photos, uniforms of any kind and home decor.

Also keep a track of the photos that you sharing. You can do this by adding a small watermark somewhere. I advise keeping a list of who got sent what photo with which watermark so if worst comes to worse, you can take it to the police. It doesn't take too long and actually I think no matter how long something takes, if it is regarding your safety, it is worth everything to be dilligent. When watermarking, make it small but obivious to you. I think it is best to change the watermark for every different person you send but I have friends who did for everytime they send one, irrespective of how many times they sent nudes to the same person.

This might seem silly but I would also make sure that you write in text that they (the recipient) cannot share these pictures with anyone. I know it is assumed when sending nudes but if they were to get out and you had explicitly stated that they could not be shared, I think it is better.

These were the things I could think of, off the top of my head but this article has much more information which I think everyone should read regardless of if you take nudes or not. The article has great information on how to turn off photo details ( its crazy how much you can tell about the person's information from a photo) and how to store nudes safely.

Stay sexy but stay safe, Daphne

[silver-wield]

Based from your former posts like super random old ones I guess you have watched shounen genre harems like code Geass. When you're aware of the tropes it's easy to shrug off what happened in between to just fan service or not. I guess I'm just bringing up people being adamant about cloud's reaction to aerith's dress. At least the favorable ones. I know of the real meaning of it, that he's confused, I watched Yamazaki about it and even he was surprised at the final production. I trust his reaction because it seems to me he didn't get "act all mesmerized to her dress" as a stage direction. But rather act confused would be more accurate. But that's not where I'm getting at. I'm getting at the parts in shounen harem or not harem really, where lets say the third party can go and kiss you and all that. Mc's going to blush, panic, or any reaction. This is technically romantic in the atmosphere. But does that mean it properly does that effect? Is he in love? Are these third party really doing anything? No. I could literally just compile kissing scenes from the third parties or any other reaction and then place in the part where the Mc straight on rejects the same girl like nothing happened. Like he never blushed, nothing, its cold. And so when I see defenders on reddit , twitter , or I don't know anymore saying that's supposed to be romantic! Any scene with her really. I just think of this phenomenon in Japanese media for boys and just smh that sure go ahead have deep thoughts on a fan service but it doesn't really mean anything. You could look at most mc in shounen for example ikki from air gear, he'd be putting himself out there in compromising positions with girls and they get a reaction out of him. Does that mean he has feelings/attracted to them? Nah, unless it's explicitly being showed , sayed, developed , wtvr actually substantial like it's supposed to be convincing okay? And not like your counting what is possibly counted / passably romantic because that's desperation (pssh like with aerith scenes). Just to push it out there as well, anybody thinking ff7 is inspired from shoujo tropes don't get FF is a male demographic game. If they do then they're probably doing that for a reason (perhaps to send of the illusion/ confusion part? Wink wink). One day you'll be seeing me out there putting out collage of the stuff I just mentioned and make people get it. Uncultured swines lmfao.

I've watched it a bit 🤣

Yeah, that whole red dress thing is one giant bit of fanservice. It's an optional result from the player's efforts. If it was canon you'd get the red dress no matter what you did, and there'd be links to it once the scene is over. Instead Cloud has the same line about Johnny and never pays any attention to Aerith no matter what she looks like. You'd think he'd be more attentive to her if he suddenly fell in love or whatever, but he's more focused on saving Tifa, and so is Aerith.

Aerith is dressed to impress Corneo. That's literally what the dress is for.

Cloud is literally confused and doesn't recognise Aerith in the red dress scene.

It's no different to when she offered a date. He just doesn't get it. Every time she tries to throw herself at him in any capacity he just doesn't understand what she's after.

And again in her resolution, he's confused. That's his emotional state around her. He doesn't understand what she's on about or why she says and does things towards him. And it's not him being oblivious about women. He's not a moron. He gets that Jessie is throwing herself at him and calls her desperate, so he's not some snow white pure innocent lamb. He understands he's attractive and women like him, he's just not interested in anyone but Tifa, and remains oblivious of her feelings because like him, she's buried them super deep in case it ruins their friendship. And he's under alien control but that's a whole other thing 🤣

And yeah, Yamazaki also confirmed Cloud was confused during the scene and in pretty much every other scene that Cloud appears with Aerith. He also scolded Cloud for being mean in scenes with Aerith. He said they're like siblings and Aerith annoys Cloud on purpose like a sister does to a brother.

If the mocap and the vas and the devs and everybody involved is telling you something then people should just shut up and accept it as a fact 🤷

[thetyger]

spoilers for uh. this one particular staging of oklahoma i guess

I saw the revival of oklahoma tonight at the ahmanson in la, close to the end of its run. this is significant because, when you come in, the lights are up and the whole stage is visible -- as it will be for the majority of the musical.

center stage right, there's a bloodstain on the floor.

when you first see it, you don't really register it as a bloodstain (or at least I certainly didn't). it's pretty faded and scuffed, and the whole set dressing is shabby and faded enough by design that you think it just might be a part of the aesthetic. or maybe something scuffed the floor--there's plenty of dancing in this show, right? it doesn't look like its something that's meant to be diagetic.

so yes, I did notice the bloodstain, especially from my seat on the first balcony, but i didn't think anything of it for most of the show. i have a lot of other things I could say about it (some really bold choices were made, like having entire scenes be set in complete darkness -- this is the only oklahoma i've seen with honest-to-god JUMPSCARES -- some worked, some didn't ymmv i'm sure) but i want to focus on the ending.

in vanilla oklahoma, the musical ends with curly and jud fighting at curly and laurey's wedding -- jud attacks curly with a knife and (usually) falls on his own blade, dying offstage. pretty cut-and-dried self-defense, and now there is no longer an impediment to the main love story. oklahoma is now a state in the union, all the couples are paired up, you're doing fine oklahoma, oklahoma ok!

but in the revival, that's not what happens. jud's wedding present is a gun, which curly uses to shoot him in what is explicitly NOT an act of self-defense. the gun goes bang, the squibs go off, and curly and laurey are in their wedding clothes covered head to toe in blood, and THAT'S when you see they are standing in what has been a bloodstain on the stage, this whole time, right in front of you.

and I have no idea what the stage looked like in the first performance, how hard they actually try to scrub away the bloodstain night after night, but i like that it was there in plain sight from the second you walk into the theater. the gun goes off in the same place and in the same way every night and the musical always ends in death, just like it always has

i've always been a sucker for doomed narratives. and there's definitely something to be said about the neverending cycle of gun violence (particularly in america) -- seeming like there's always fresh blood on top of the blood that's barely had a moment to dry.

but we cant think about it because we have to move on, there's another song to sing, another performance to be held, you're doing fine oklahoma! oklahoma ok!

I definitely need to go to bed now but I had to get that all out of my head before i went totally crazy about it.

[bitsandbobsfromrandomfandoms]

Heterosexual Porn, Female Sexuality & M/M Fanfiction

TW: Social Trauma, Discussions of Sexual Assault

When I was much younger, I couldn't explain what it was that disturbed me about porn created for straight men.

I'm sure that it will come as a shock to no one that there are a number of disturbing themes show up consistently that I haven't seen anyone actually talk about it.

So I'm going to try.

If on the off-chance there are people have read great books or articles that discusses this subject, let me know, I would love to read it.

Porn and the sex industry is still treated as if it's taboo. A necessary evil that people reach for furtively when they have the itch and abandon just as quickly.

But I actually think that by examining the tropes and themes that come up repeatedly and consistently in porn, we can learn something about the underground nature of men, what they want and what they find desirable.

For example, there is an entire channel on PornHub called Porn Force and most of the videos seem to feature very young, very petite women who are being absolutely dominated by men during sex.

I'm not saying it's every single video and I don't want to argue about semantics. I'm also not here to discuss the consensual nature of these videos.

What I am here to discuss is how it looks from a woman's perspective and what it looks like is complete sexual subjugation.

The woman are moved around and treated as if they are little more than sex dolls.

They are there to be used according to the man's whims. She doesn't look an active participant in the act. She is just there to take whatever the man gives her and it also doesn't look like these women can say stop or say no to something that the man wants when he really gets going.

If there are women in the world who enjoy being treated this way, I have yet to find them.

I'm also suspect that if they do exist, then their sexual relationships with men is likely D/s in nature and that parameters are negotiated safely between the partners.

At least I really hope so.

You get where I'm coming from with this?

There seems to be an appetite in men for sexual domination of their partner.

There is a brilliant quote from Oscar Wilde that says “Everything in the world is about sex — except sex. Sex is about power.”

And I don't think that when we engage in relationship, the subject of power can be left out, especially when both partners regardless of gender, want to maintain their separateness, their human rights, their boundaries and their autonomy.

I think the physiological nature of women's bodies forces us to take a submissive role during sex since its penertrative aspect is naturally invasive to women.

And maybe the truth of that nature is why so many of the religions and patriarchal constructs espouses that women are meant to be submissive to men.

Now. Make no mistake, I don't believe that for a second.

Despite the nature of our bodies. Feminine vulnerability is a gift to men and to demand submission from woman in all other aspects is also to deny women our humanity and autonomy.

But any way... I think that women understand deeply that men desire sexual submission or at the very least they want to be uninhibited when it comes to sex in a way they probably can't be with women they truly respect.

For example:

In the last 24 hours I have 2 reddit posts about men who stealthed women (secretly removed a condom without her knowing) during sex [x][x]

Which brings me to my next point.

Female sexuality is complicated.

At every turn, we have to fight. Fight for our bodily autonomy. Fight for our reproductive rights.

Fight for our sexual rights. The second reddit post broke my heart. The girl said she was prepped for about a minute before the guy just "shoved it in", she later found out that he'd removed the condom although she explicitly stated to him in past encounters that she did not want to have unprotected sex.

What was worse was that she couldn't seem to decide if she was assaulted or not because she had consented to have sex. (In my mind she was very clearly assaulted)

But my point is sex in the real world for women is just too real at times.

Too painful.

And I think it's perhaps one of the reasons why women retreat into m/m fanfiction.

It's an escape. An avoidance of the very real dynamics that exist between men and women.

And not only that, the differences between how men and women experience arousal cannot be ignored.

When men actually care about women, they care to make the experience wonderful for them and that means time & foreplay. I'm sure there are many men who enjoy this just as I'm also sure there are just many who don't give a shit.

But because of the strength differential between men and women, I have to wonder if that also means that men are naturally more inhibited when they have sex with women.

Women seem to think so.

Look what you made me do by cicak

Geralt understands how long sex can last, always feels sorry and guilty for the women he beds who don’t understand that stamina was one of the most successful mutations he gained. He hates how easy it is to push that little bit too far into pain unless he’s careful (and he’s always careful, he loves women, loves their pleasure, never lets himself get carried away) but now there’s a man behind him and he realises that he can take it, that they made him perfectly for this by accident, so he can take all that male stamina and strength into himself and enjoy it like a glutton, enjoy it in the way he only has been able to a handful of times in his life, match every stroke with his own power.

HP Custom Brooms by marguerite_26

Harry loved a tight grip, an almost punishing pace. A wank that women could never aspire to.

(Side note: both of these stories were fantastic beyond reason and I can’t rec either one enough)

I think, under the surface, when straight women perceive gay or homoerotic relationships or we imagine these sexual situations involving men, we have also this tendency to imagine that men don't have hold back when they're with other men.

They can be as rough, as shameless, as uninhibited and as dominant as they want. We imagine also, that other men are better built to take it and enjoy much better than a woman would on the account of being stronger physically.

I think that women enjoy the idea of uninhibited men through fiction in a way the probably wouldn't in real life.

And I also think the sexual freedom that men have and women don't in a patriarchal society is something women experience vicariously through m/m fanfiction.

There are a lot of complicated reasons for why women love this kind of fiction.

Personally I don't think I've come to terms with myself as a sexual being. There are barriers and inhibitions and shame.

I'm exploring this topic because it is important to me to understand. My body. My sex. It all seems starved for my own compassion.

Just as porn for straight men can tells us important things about male sexuality, I believe porn for women can tell us plenty about female sexuality.

But it is not as clear cut. So many fanfictions deal with love, romance and courtship. Sometimes it also just about exploring a thought, a feeling or an idea that but may not be personal in the slightest but just fun to entertain for a little while!

Fandom as a whole has become a space for media to exist outside conservative-white-cis society. So to say it's solely about porn is reductive and wrong.

But at the same time?

And for straight women especially, I think there is a social trauma hiding underneath —especially for women who harbour a great love of m/m fanfiction. I think there is internalised misogyny there that is never discussed because it's against the rules to do so.

I think that many straight women who struggle with a deeply rooted shame or have trouble connecting with their own sexuality in their real-life interpersonal relationships, have retreated into m/m fanfiction because it gives us a safe place for exploration of both ideas and desires and secrets wants.

I don't even know how to talk about this. Much less pull it out of the dark, pull it apart.

I'm wondering how to unwrite from within me:

this deep instinctive fear of men

this shame about my own sexuality

my resentment and anger towards the patriarchy

my contempt of men and my avoidance of them

internalised misogyny and whatever way it exists in me, and how I might've projected it, unknowingly, onto other women

everything in me that I feel was thrust on me by the outside world that I did not choose but have been socialized to just accept and now must take responsibility for.

I can tell this is perhaps just one post in what is sure to be a litany where I will probably rant and rant to my heart's content.... or until all the bad things bleed out.

Like an exorcism. Or something.

[androgynous-barbie]

Bridgerton S3 thoughts thus far

spoilers under the cut i guess. but i dont have like anyone to talk about this show with so

Reasons I do ship Polin

i want Penelope to be happy and being with Colin would make her happy

it's gonna happen anyway

his growth/development is making me like him a little bit

maybe if he grows to accept the Whistledown thing, he can also help Eloise realize that Pen exposed her to save her from the queen cuz god why are we not getting this Eloise ur supposed to be the smart one ffs

gets her the FUCK out of that house (like she wants). her mom's bad but god her sisters just SUUUUUCK

Reasons I don't

he literally does not deserve her (or really, so far, anyone in my mind) after years of her just being a thought in his head and then espesh the bs in the s2 finale - then again really idrc much for any of the bridgerton men thus far.... i know the show's named after them but (as is a pattern with me in life) i really care about the female characters so much more. s1 was daphnes story. s2 was kates story. s3 is penelope's. i know im supposed to see it the other way round in the latter 2 cases but.... (i dunno. maybe make the men cooler than 'he was a rake/slept around alot and didnt know what to do in the world til he found love in her' ? although to be fair they DID make Anthony a compelling character in his season. they just have yet to do that with Colin)

she deserves someone who didn't HAVE to grow to love her after writing her off or suddenly realize she's always been beautiful

the Whistledown plotline.... like... is he just gonna shut up and accept it? is she gonna have to convince him its okay? is he gonna become a co-Whistledown the way Dan and Jenny were BOTH Gossip Girl? this gripe gets its own point later on

Rest of the season thoughts

i wish it was explicitly stated if the match Edwina made overseas was Prince Friedrich cuz my god my girl deserves to be a princess omg

why are we still supposed to care about the Mondrich plots? its leading to NOTHING. this is just as bad as the con artist plot from s2 that i literally just started fast forwarding thru until the finale. - and even THEN all it did was give Penelope more reason to fawn over Colin so really it led to NOTHING

LOVING Cressida Cowper being in her character development era.

Lord Debling is so gorgeous

Lord Debling is so adorable

Lord Debling is so sweet....... and I wish he had said 'yes i do believe love CAN grow' or at least 'fondness/deep fondness' rather than his (truthful) 'i don't know'. cuz damn that was a cute courtship but again we all know this is gonna be Polin season (no pun intended)

solely because of her shit ass parents, i hope Cressida becomes Lady Debling. They COULD be cute but it seems like asking for romantic chemistry is asking alot so if they approach this like a contract ('you receive a wife and eventually a son we hope and i receive a title and money and my parents off my neck') then it could work to everyone's happiness or at least contentment (s2 Marina flashback omg)

i hope at SOME point we get some redeeming qualities from Penelope's sisters. They're so two-note (stupid and mean) and I really think if they're going to insist on putting this bitches in our faces they should at least be bearable

I hope we get some redeeming qualities from Lady Featherington too. It does seem like she cares for Pen but for some reason can't find a way to say it. I hope we find out WHY and then undo that

like i seriously hoped that when she said 'a life unmarried doesn't have to be miserable' (paraphrased or whatever) that pen wouldve been like 'i can do unmarried i can't do unLOVED' and then her mom wouldve said she DOES love her or something

AND i was hoping Pen calling her out wouldve led to something but of COURRRSSSSSSE the moment had to be interrupted

so i'm hoping I just have to wait a little more

The Whistledown identity plot. GAWWWD.

so i havent read the books but from what i heard about them the queen isnt a character in them and so i think the whole 'who's the gossiper' isnt a plot in the books too

and so i wish that this and gossip girl 1 had just been like 'she's here she exists we tolerate it lets go' cuz it's causing ANOTHER plot line to be added into this very loaded season

and it's TEDIOUS especially because we KNOW this wont end with Pen on trial for treason or her and Colin shunned by society cuz this isnt THAT DEEP of a show so WHAT are we doing here?

Benedict gets his own story soon doesnt he? so why are we getting another him + random woman plot?

that being said, i love this season's random Benedict-girl. gorgeous and has some bite. wonder how thatll pan out tho since she doesnt bare the name of the girl he gets with in his book so..

speaking of gorgeous: FRANCESCAAAAA!!!!!!!

she looks like a mix of Phoebe Dynevor and Lily James

I was gonna say 'where has she been hiding' but i found out the actress has been in 2 things ive seen before omg

but ughhhh i was so happy for her and Lord Samadani until the 'i want 8 kids thing'

espesh cuz this'll lead to the queen lashing out cuz she feels like a bad matchmaker and that'll be bad for the bridgertons or whistledown or both and like ughhh

i was SO on francesca's side about being fine and being paired with whoever

but now that she's finding love or fondness with the earl omg im loving that for her too

the giggliness at the piano, their comfort sharing silence its SO CUTE

but knowing just the plot of the books i wonder if this means that [redacted] is gonna end up with her and then she'll still be widowed and [redacted] will end up pursuing her.

maybe THATS why theyre giving her a plot this season. to lead to that

i miss daphne a little. i get it tho

i DEF miss Kate. and Kate and Anthony but i get it tho

come to think of it. i think i'd actually just be happier if Pen's mom and sisters just died tbh (that could change tho. please give them positive qualities QUICK)

[asakiyumemishiii]

!!!WARNING!!! - TLOU spoilers 4 both part 1 n 2 - i also get a bit NSFW when i talk about Joel at times (MINORS DNI THOSE 2 PARA!! THERE’S A WARNING WHEN I START <3) - nothing i'm saying is new. i have no original thoughts!! literally just a post about everything i felt while watching the game ~(>_<。)

the whole reason i got in2 TLOU was ‘cus that one, 'Remember, when you're lost in the darkness, look for the light,' audio on TikTok was trending n everyone was like, 'omg TLOU audio!!' n i was like ??? what is TLOU ??? n then it just all went downhill from there. TLOU has consumed my life in its entirety since the start of July. what a cute coincidence that i get in2 TLOU on the game’s 10th anniversary ヾ(≧▽≦*)o anyway TLOU talk time :3333

DISCLAIMER: i didn't play the game myself ‘cus i don't have any type of console (n i don't play video games) so i watched MKIcenFire's gameplay of the TLOU Remake on PS5 n it was like 12 hours long i think n i watched it twice. then i watched the HBO show, then i watched the same guy play TLOU2. okay anyway i know the game well enough (I HOPE!! I THINK!!) also i read Reddit posts about the game's ending in p2 ‘cus i think other people’s take on it is soooo fun 2 read. if anything i say here is straight up just the wrong take like just ‘cus i'm stupid or missed the point of something, do NOT tell me ‘cus i will start crying immediately but tbh i will probably also not care sorry.

okay so,,,the whole game??? is a masterpiece??? plot-wise n visuals n MUSIC n characters???????????? EVERYTHING IS SO WELL WRITTEN ARGDHFHSHS i loved it. i'm not a gamer btw like the only 'games' i play are Taiko no Tatsujin (PC) n i watched people play undertale but that's it i guess so i don’t have anything 2 compare TLOU 2 but omg it's so good 2 me just as it is AHHHHH.

i'm so bad at being coherent. <///3

anyway everything i'm about 2 say is not going 2 be anything that hasn't already been said but i need an OUTLET!!! i think the game is so fun n maybe it's my own insane raging daddy issues but watching the Ellie (cargo) 2 Ellie (babygirl) pipeline was SO healing 2 me (n also absolutely devastating) like HOLY SHIT HE'S JUST A FATHER 4 READ!1!1!

okay gonna talk right now about how i feel about Joel n Abby ‘cus i have the most opinions about them `(*>﹏<*)′

i know TLOU1 is like Moral Dilemma the game but like i just think it's so simple really. Joel did what he did ‘cus Ellie became someone he really cares about. IMO he never really stopped being a father so Ellie just becomes his youngest daughter n a father's love knows no bounds, doesn't it? he quite literally did everything in his power 2 make sure no one would hurt his own n i think that's so... insane,,, (i wish dads were real)

i don't understand people who hate on Joel like actually *hate* him with their whole life. if they hate him ‘cus of what he used 2 do (being a hunter, etc…) then like,, that's stupid ‘cus he had 2 do what he had 2 do 2 survive. n maybe at the time that was the only way he knew how 2. he's a bad guy ‘cus he did bad guy things (like henry said) but that doesn't necessarily mean he's not a good guy or that he can't redeem himself i don’t know it just seems weird 2 not like him ‘cus of what he used 2 do that we didn't even explicitly see, n was only stated. also i get that people hate him ‘cus of what he did ‘cus like, yeah, i get it, he DID take away Ellie's right 2 'save' the world n he took her out of there without her consent BUT she's also a minor (yes i know laws don't matter but you know,, it's the principle of it i don’t know) n he decided 2 make the choice 4 her ‘cus she obviously couldn't do it herself n i think it was the right choice. also the fireflies didn't give her an option either like damn they couldn't at least ask her if she wanted 2 like say goodbye 2 Joel i don’t know like yeah ik in p2 she said she would have wanted 2 die 4 the cure but like she wasn't even told that making it would entail her dying ‘cus she explicitly stated that she wants 2 follow Joel after everything was over, so like,, yeah Joel took her choice away 2 save her life but the fireflies were going 2 force her 2 die 4 a cure that they themselves weren't even 100% sure would work. n 4 what??? she's the only immune person alive as far as they know n they won't even do SOME kind of tests first ON ELLIE 2 find shit out like i don’t know it seems kinda pointless 2 just kill her like that just 4 a chance of a vaccine. i know Dr Anderson did SOME testing b4 n a lot of research like we can see all the scans when he was talking 2 Marlene in p2 but did he do any testing on Ellie herself? i don’t know. ik all this what-ifs don't even matter n i'm just trying 2 justify Joel's actions but it's the thoughts i have hhhh like let's say the vaccine does get made... who is going 2 ensure that everyone gets a fair chance 2 have it? you're telling me FEDRA or the fireflies are gonna distribute it or something like that?? like it's not possible. also how would they get the vaccine 2 everyone in the world?? n like you think the raiders or hunters are gonna care that they're vaccinated n suddenly be good again? they're just gonna be better at murdering n like also what about all the infected. there's way 2 many of them. sure with a vaccine, lives would have been better but they're still living in a post-apocalyptic world, n more people are going 2 die than be saved n i like 2 imagine that Joel knew all this (maybe) n he chose Ellie anyway.

actually i don’t care i like 2 think he immediately stopped thinking when Marlene said they have 2 kill Ellie 2 make a 'cure' n he just didn't care about anything else anymore. yeah that fits better in my head !!

this text post is all over the place anyway uhmm Abby time.

i'm gonna put it out there right now: i do NOT fuck with her at all. also let's normalise understanding a character, all their motifs n everything n still being able 2 dislike them. i hate people who are like 'oh if you dislike/hate Abby then you obviously don't understand her character' LIKE???? yes, i understand her??? her character is literally a parallel 2 Ellie's. Abby's redemption mirrors Ellie's damnation. 'you can't get mad at Abby 4 killing Joel when he killed her father.' like shut up yes i can?? in fact here i am getting mad right now. it's a cycle that never ends. Joel kills Jerry, Abby kills Joel, Ellie kills Abby's friends while searching 4 her 2 get revenge, Abby kills Ellie's friends ‘cus Ellie killed hers, n it just continues. they're both doing 2 each other the exact same thing each of them are doing 2 the other. their motivations behind all their actions are literally the same. i get it. if one side starts, the other doesn't stop. they're literally 2 sides of the same coin, i get it. i totally understand why Abby did what she did. but that DOESN'T mean i have 2 like her??? Abby dick riders getting mad n pissy when ppl don't like her as if she's not the literal antagonist of TLOU2 when you play as Ellie. she's the other playable protagonist when you play as her obviously but when it's Ellie's pov, she's obviously the villain ?? just like how Ellie is the antagonist when you play as Abby??? or at least they're both the anti-hero,, maybe,, in each other's storyline. anyway i don't care 4 Abby. i understand her character but i still dislike her. 'you only hate her ‘cus she killed Joel!' yeah… exactly. i also am aware that as someone who is insane about Joel, i am being hypocritical right now ‘cus the people who hate Joel are probably the same people who like Abby n vice versa. anyway moving on. i also don't particularly understand why people say hating Abby = hating Ellie. like yeah they're extremely similar but like,, we played around 15 hours of TLOU1 like obviously i have a stronger emotional connection with Ellie n Joel??? is that a superficial reason 2 dislike Abby?? yes but i don’t care!!! i do not fuck with her at all!!! yes i understand that Abby has gone through things that deserve sympathy/empathy 2, but like... i'm still inclined 2 be more biased about Ellie n Joel though... also like Abby told her dad that she would want him 2 do the surgery on her but i think it's easy 2 say that when you're not the one actually doing it. like we all would probably say we don't mind dying 4 a good ‘cus until we actually have 2 die n it's like,,, I DON’T KNOW like it just seems so simple 4 her 2 say she would die 4 the vaccine but she's only saying it 2 make her dad feel better n ‘cus she's not the one actually going through with it you know???? rhfjdjfjjdhh i don’t know i hope so far i'm making sense. also Dr Anderson never answered Marlene when she asked if he would do the surgery on Abby, which is an answer in itself, n that's soooo hypocritical of him 4 real sigh

okay i think that's all the character opinions i have (probably i don’t know) now i'm gonna talk about the scenes that drive me CRAZY

UHMMM THE 'you're not my daughter, and i sure as hell ain't your dad.' OH MY GOD??? the first time i saw it i paused n almost threw up ‘cus if someone i thought was a father figure, or just like the first adult that didn't disappoint me in my life since i came out of the womb, said that 2 me when i am quite literally begging them not 2 abandon me, i would simply just drop dead n die n you would never hear from me again. THE UP N DOWN GLANCE HE GIVES ELLIE LIKE HE'S SIZING HER UP 2 B4 HE SAYS IT????? Ellie is better than me 4 real ‘cus i would never forgive him 4 that (lying, i would forgive him if he stabbed me 4 fun) like holy shit he hit her where it HURT. yes i know he did it ‘cus he was scared that he already got so attached 2 her but JEEZ MAN that's BRUTAL. the way her eyes LITERALLY drop n you can see every miniscule detail on her face detailing how HURT she felt when he said that... graphics were INSANE

GOING FROM THAT 2 THE 'oh babygirl...' SCENE??????????? WHIPLASH IS REAL BYE. ofc not 2 push aside everything that happens in between ‘cus Ellie fought like hell 2 keep Joel alive. ARGHHHH she never left him even when he asked her 2 n even when he wanted 2 leave her first, she never gave up on him :((( they care about each other SO MUCH i'm going 2 be SICK. right okay, the babygirl scene??? it felt like my heart was being healed from all the angst 4 real. the way his face is SO soft when he's trying 2 get her back 2 him like OH MY GOD also the fact that there's dialogue but no subtitles or voiceover so it's up 2 the audience's intepretation 2 tell us what Joel says 2 her when he's CRADLING her face is so fucked up. ‘cus i know some people think he's saying 'i'll promise i'll never leave you again' n some think he's saying 'i promise i'll never let anyone hurt you again' n TBH EITHER WAY, MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT 4 REAL LIKE TBH I'M GLAD LOWKEY THERE WASN'T ANY VOICEOVER ‘CUS I WOULD NEVER STOP REPLAYING IT. BUT I WISH THERE WAS A CONFIRMATION OF WHAT HE SAID. THE WAY ELLIE'S EYES GLAZED OVER N JOEL JUST KEEPS HOLDING ON 2 HER N MAKES SURE SHE'S LOOKING DIRECTLY AT HIM WHEN HE'S COMFORTING HER??? i cannot fathom being loved that much, like it's actually UNREAL 2 me.

okay here's where it gets NSFW a bit so MINORS DNI this paragraph PLEASE thanks!! anyway i have a woman hard on 4 Joel the second he was introduced. yes i have daddy issues, next question. anyway he's SO fucking fine n he's a good father so double smash. everytime he came on2 screen, so did i. uhm the scene where Joel is torturing david's men, i replayed it 8347345 times n tbh with one hand 2 (/hj) n LIKE.. Joel beating a bloater with JUST a MACHETE like yes the bloater alrdy took some damage b4 but HOLY SHIT that scene was hot. Joel was always constantly hot n the creators KNEW what they were doing when they designed him... like that,, n gave him THOSE voice lines,, search Joel Miller voice lines on YT n just close your eyes bro that shit is straight up P*RN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i genuinely think he's so attractive. i would let him do the most atrocious heinous filthy things 2 me. you CANNOT leave me alone with him ‘cus i would not let him out. i would find a way 2 mesh our bodies tgt (☆▽☆) he's genuinely so handsome n fine!! i literally want 2 stick a straw in his tip n suck his milk. i am so sorry 4 making anyone read that but i mean it unfortunately. if i was in TLOU i couldnt be trusted 2 patrol with Joel ‘cus he would probably kill something or someone 4 my sake n brush it off as nothing n then i would tackle him n start sucking n fucking him so good like we would not make it back 2 base. we're going twenty rounds with no breaks. the only break he'll be doing is breaking my back n splitting my pu$$y in half with his massive cock.

OKAY ENOUGH

Ellie's 15th birthday :( i'm a space kid so it just hits SO hard,, like everything he did 4 her. the dinosaurs n the planets. the way this part was only like.. i don’t know less than one hour of the whole game n it was the happiest part of the game imo (uhm Dina n Ellie n JJ are bittersweet 2 me OKAY!!) THE WAY THEY TEASE N BANTER N LIKE ARE GENUINELY SO ADORING WITH EACH OTHER. Joel pushing her in2 the water n jumping in 4 her when she asks. JOEL FINDING HER THE COUNTDOWN TAPE. HOW FUCKING HARD DO YOU THINK THAT WAS HUH? ASKING IF HE DID OKAY??? HE'S LITERALLY SO FUCKING SWEET!!!! HE'S JUST A FATHER WHO LOVES HIS DAUGHTER BRO PLEASE GOD LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! THE WAY HE WAS SMILING SO SOFTLY AT HER IN THE SPACESHIP??? HE WAS WATCHING EVERY LITTLE DETAIL 2MAKE SURE SHE WAS REALLY HAPPY.. THE WAY HE BARELY EVEN SMILES IN THE GAME N DURING THIS SCENE HE WAS FUCKING GRINNING BRO OH MY GOD. he literally gave her the moon, stars, n the planets :( they deserved 2 be happy man i fucking HATE TLOU2 HHH they could have had so much together HNGDHFHH Joel didn't even get 2 meet JJ :(

please b4 you come at me with the 'Abby deserved happiness with her father too!' just save it man. i don't care n i don't wanna hear about it like DNI with this post if thats all you wanna say <;3

Joel's death. i knew he was going 2 die but like when i was watching p2 i didn't think it was going 2 happen THAT fast. never cried so hard (lying) 4 real he didn't deserve all that. okay he did (i guess, whatever...) but that shit was cruel n 2 do it in front of Ellie 2... man,, Ashley Johnson needs every award 4 the voice acting in that scene,,, holy shit was it so painful 2 watch 4 FUCKING READ. n the aftermath like when i saw Ellie taking Joel's jacket, my mind immediately went 2 Harry Styles' Cherry where he said, 'i noticed that // there's a piece of you in how i dress,' :( THE WAY SHE BURIES HER FACE IN HIS FABRIC LIKE SHE'S BREATHING HIM IN 4 THE LAST TIME... THE FLOWERS IN FRONT OF HIS HOUSE, THE BLUE HYDRANGEAS SHE LEAVES AT HIS GRAVE SYMBOLISING FORGIVENESS n REGRET ,, THE PIC OF SARAH N  ELLIE ON HIS TABLE :( THE BROCHURE FROM THE DINOSAUR EXHIBITION THAT HE KEPT :( THE WOLF (WLF) N THE MOOSE (JOEL -> PROTECTOR) MOTIF :((( GOD THIS GAME IS SO FUCKING TRAGIC I HATE IT SM literally crying so hard right now. the way Joel’s death was so trauma inducing 4 Ellie that during her breakdown, in her flashback, she recalls what happened n it was so much worse than what actually happened. the stairway being longer n the way she falsely remembers Joel calling out her name n begging 4 help n the way she kept pleading 2 stop??????? i literally hate everything. THE FACT THAT SHE WAS HOLDING JJ ALL THE WHILE 2??? PLEASE MAN,,, WE 4 REAL CAN’T HAVE SHIT!!! ALSO the way the game just literally lost it’s colour after Joel dies like the colours got all muted/ desaturated n all the nature/wonderment we used 2 see in TLOU1 just like disappeared after Joel dies,, mirroring Ellie’s emotions/ state of being BYE that’s so genius i don’t care if it’s obvious HHH it’s such a neat little detail 2 notice.

the scene right before they find the hospital n Joel is holding Ellie’s limp body n he’s frantically, desperately trying 2 see if she’s breathing n he realises she isn’t n the fucking ice cold water i KNOW he feels running down his spine ‘cus the scene is becoming 2 familiar again,, he knows he could never live with himself if he fails another one of his girls… the way he’s just giving her chest compressions even when he could have been shot at any moment n it’s just a perfect bittersweet parallel 2 Sarah’s death GOD he loves his daughters SO fucking much. a father’s love is something i’ll never comprehend or experience ever GOD.

'if somehow, the Lord gave me a second chance at that moment, i would do it all over again.' if someone said that 2 me i would literally start throwing up (but /pos). the fact that Ellie JUST decided 2 try n forgive him n then he just dies... ND kys why would you do that 2 me. Joel could have said something like 'i regret doing what i did,' or 'i'm sorry,' but instead he says he would do it all over again, not knowing how Ellie would react like she's already so angry at him n he doesn't even hesitate 2 say all that even though he knows it could set her off. he stands firm that what he did was right ‘cus 2 him, he would rather have Ellie alive n hating his guts 4 the rest of his life no matter how much that hurts rather than her being killed 4 a world that was beyond saving anyway n that is so insane 2 me 4 real. 2 be loved that deeply that he would damn the whole world just 4 his daughter. please don't talk 2 me. he does not care if she hates him 4 real he just wants her alive n that's SO!!! he's just a dad who loves his little girl :(( n in TLOU2 Ellie, at the heart of it all, is just a little girl who misses her dad :((( i hate this game. ALSO the detail in this scene is CRAZY, you can literally see Joel's lip quivering minisculely n his eyebrow is twitching n he's literally holding back tears BRO GOD he loves Ellie sm n ARGHFJDHS the way after that scene Ellie gets woken up by Jesse the next day n she tells him she overslept but every other time b4 or after the INCIDENT she never has a good night of sleep. DIE.

i don’t really know how i feel about the ending of TLOU2. it’s angsty n all but the boat image being no longer in the dark means that there’s hope 4 Ellie 2 like become better or something like that right? yeah i don’t know i just wish there were more scenes of her with Joel, n Dina (i can never get enough okay) but in all seriousness, despite how many times i’ve said i hate TLOU2 i do think it was a good story. imo tlou1 was great n didn’t necessarily NEED a sequel (stfu let Ellie stay 14 4ever HHHH) but i liked it anyway. i wanna know what happens with Tommy n Maria though, like are they separated separated or does Tommy find a way past his hatred n back 2 her??? n what happens 2 Dina n JJ?? are they okay? does Dina tell him about Ellie n Jesse? oh man i miss Jesse :( he would have made such a good n cool co-parent. ARGHHHDDJ low-key wish i could break in2 the creators’ home n demand these answers {{{(>_<)}}}

hmm some miscellaneous thoughts:

ELLIE IS SOOOOO WOULD’VE, COULD’VE, SHOULD’VE CODED BRO YOU CAN’T TELL ME OTHERWISE.  ‘AND IF I WAS A CHILD, DID IT MATTER? IF YOU GOT TO WASH YOUR HANDS’ n ‘IF YOU NEVER TOUCHED ME, I WOULD’VE GONE ALONG WITH THE RIGHTEOUS’ HELLO???????? literally her entire arc w/ D*vid LIKE that scene where was hunting her was SO scary,, it was scarier than having 2 watch Abby make out with Owen.  [All I used to do was pray // Would've, could've, should've // If you'd never looked my way] how many times do you think Ellie regretted the moment she decided 2 follow D*vid n his friend 4 the medicine. wait- no like not that she regretted trading 4 the meds ‘cus i feel like she would’ve done it again 4 Joel but like she probably would do it safer n less trusting I DON’T KNOW like i bet she feels INSANE thinking about all the ‘what-ifs’ if she never followed D*vid sigh i’m so bad at voicing my thoughts jesus how did i ever score an A 4 my lit analysis when i was in secondary school,, the brain is 4 real crazy. ANYWAY. 

THE BRIDGE??? ‘If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?’ despite already killing D*vid brutally, she’s forever haunted by the trauma it caused n i know she feels like she should just get over it already but she literally can’t ‘cus that was the moment she really killed killed n he tried 2 ruin her n i bet she would do it again but she hates that she probably liked killing him but she’s so right,, Ellie i would do it again n again 2 bae dw. ‘Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts // GIVE ME BACK MY GIRLHOOD IT WAS MINE FIRST’ oh my God… bro,, give her back her girlhood it was hers first 4 fucking real. she never really had girlhood 2 begin with,, FEDRA definitely was shit 2 her, she lost Riley when she disappeared then she lost Riley again when she died then D*vid happens n it’s like,, give her a fucking break jfc bro she never really got 2 be just a girl, or even a child, i don’t know where i’m going with this but that one line is SO her 4 real she just,, every bad thing that happened 2 her was never her fault or deserved like everything that was taken away from her… give it back GIVE IT BACK return everything n everyone that was taken from her bro that’s so fucked. okay the chorus n outro uhm,, ‘And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven’ the satisfaction of killing D*vid is definitely this line, n maybe also everyone she killed while avenging Joel (maybe, but probably not ‘cus i don’t think she liked how violent she became) maybe the pain of her survivor’s guilt was heaven 2 ‘cus it meant she got 2 meet Dina n Jesse n spend more time with Joel 2. ‘And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts // Memories feel like weapons // And now that I know, I wish you'd left me wondering’ LAST LINE IS HER TALKING ABOUT KNOWING THE TRUTH 4 REAL. ‘MEMORIES FEEL LIKE WEAPONS’ Ellie’s PTSD is strong in this one 3:

‘God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be’ Ellie when she had 2 kill her inner child n went on a rampage 2 avenge Joel. Ellie when she learnt the truth n had 2 live with her survivor’s guilt. Ellie when her relationship with Joel got strained n tense not like it used 2 be. Ellie when she lost herself 4 real.  ‘The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind // I regret you all the time // I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep // The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign // I regret you all the time’ literally her relationship with Joel isn’t it?? she lowkey regrets that she met him (IN A WAY) ‘cus he took her choice away 4 her life 2 have meant something n like i know she tries 2 forgive him (n eventually does) but like i don’t know i feel like those lines are so her n Joel. ‘I fight with you in my sleep,’ ‘cus she doesn’t really talk 2 Joel right but she definitely can’t fucking sleep right knowing what he did. i think it hurt 2 much 2 look at him so the only time she actually got mad at him was when she wasn’t awake. (hope that made sense `(*>﹏<*)′ i feel like the regret line isn’t so much talking about her relationship with Joel but rather herself, i feel like it resonates more with how she treated Joel, i just know she wished she could have said that she wanted 2 try 2 forgive him MUCH earlier if she knew she wouldn’t have that much time with him left. also Dina, she probably wishes she could find her again at the end. SIGH

ELLIE IS MY TEARS RICOCHET CODED 2!!!!!!!!!!! ‘AND I CAN GO ANYWHERE I WANT // ANYWHERE I WANT // JUST NOT HOME’ LITERALLY HER AT THE END OF THE GAME ‘CUS SHE’S ‘FREE’ NOW BUT WHERE DOES SHE GO? WHERE WILL SHE GO? WHO WILL SHE TURN 2? BYE FUCK OFF WHERE/WHO IS HER HOME ANYMORE. I HATE IT HERE. ‘You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same’ ELLIE WHEN A PART OF HERSELF DIED WHEN JOEL DIED OR LIKE WHEN SHE KILLED A PART OF HERSELF 2 AVENGE JOEL N LEAVE EVERYTHING BEHIND ARHGDSFGDFSJH ‘You turned into your worst fears // And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain // Crossing out the good years’ Ellie when she literally became someone she never wanted 2 be n drowned in her need 2 get revenge. ‘And you're cursing my name, wishing I stayed’ Ellie n Joel. literally it’s just her missing Joel. i hate bitches 4 real.

Dina deserved better. she straight up deserved SO much better than what Ellie gave her. the way Ellie left her alone in the theatre?? the way Dina was up all night helping with the map n i don't even remember if Ellie said thank you or not?? Dina IMMEDIATELY giving her mask 2 Ellie when hers broke??? Dina being with Ellie every step of the way n Ellie leaving when all Dina wanted was 4 her 2 stay??? ‘prove it, stay,’ DINA WAS BEGGING BRO N ELLIE LEFT N MY FUCKING HEART,,, Dina you deserved so much better ily you are so so so hot 2 me.

i don't want 2 think about Yara n Lev :( they loved each other so much n thinking about them makes me so sad. i also don’t want 2 think about how Abby n Lev parallels Joel n Ellie or anything like that, please leave me alone ＞︿＜

Ellie's descent in2 becoming someone so violent was so devastating 2 witness. she literally had 2 sit down n was nauseous the first time she shot someone in p1 n we see her become this mindless (not really ‘cus she gets ptsd) killing machine in p2 is so crazy (she looked so fucking hot doing it though). she literally loses her mind 2 the violence in order 1 avenge Joel ‘cus she loves him that much, its so twisted. ALSO her saying 2 sam that her biggest fear is ending up alone n THEN IN PART 2 SHE ENDS UP ALONE????? ND KYS THAT'S SO FUCKING HEARTBREAKING

THIS SONG?????? THE SONG JOEL SANG 2 ELLIE,,,  TROY BAKER’S VOICE SINGING IT??? THE GMV?????? the song is literally about Ellie n Joel (TヘT) ‘If I ever were to lose you // I'd surely lose myself’ WHAT THE FUCK someone pulling my heart out while i was conscious would hurt less. ‘All of my stolen missing parts // I've no need for anymore’ Joel when he found Ellie n recovered the part of him he thought he buried when Sarah Died n how he learns how 2 love again MAN. ‘Back when I was feeling broken // I focused on a prayer // You came deep as the ocean’ both Ellie n Joel were looking (if indirectly maybe) 4 something 2 save them from the darkness, internally or not, n they saved each other. THEY SAVED EACH OTHER- Joel found someone 2 love n cherish, n Ellie found someone who loved n cherished her n didn’t just want her 4 her immunity PLEASE they love each other SO MUCH. ‘All the promises at sundown // I meant them like the rest’ Joel talking about caring 4 Ellie, Ellie talking about how she’ll try 2 forgive joel.  ‘Hey angel, I am here to stay // No resistance, no alarms // Please, this is just too good to be gone’ ANGEL???? kys. Joel really did try 2 stay. he tried so hard 2 fight. the last line being some type of foreshadowing towards his death ‘cus i guess good things really do never last. HE JUST WANTED TIME WITH HIS DAUGHTER OKAY. 

HBO Show time :3

i think the show was really good,, holy shit episode 6 when Joel is sniping n he's making sure Ellie gets out of the place as unscathed as possible?? i was like captivated bro i was watching with my eyes wide open n barely breathing ,,, their performance was so good. loved episode 8 obv the babygirl scene was so healing AGAIN. i don’t know i don't really have that much 2 say about the show after watching the game ‘cus like essentially it's all the same except the show cut out some parts n added others. Bill n Frank episode was so tender :( n Joel's monologue 2 Tommy saying all he does is fail Ellie... my God pedro pascal recited his lines PERFECTLY,, director yelled cut but he heard CUNT instead n delivered.

YOU KNOW WHAT sorry 2 get NSFW 4 a bit AGAIN but i sat there clenching my thighs SO TIGHTLY when he gunned down the entire hospital. literally had heart eyes n everything watching that shit.

‘so time heals all wounds, i guess. // it wasn’t time that did it.’ WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. THE WAY HE PURPOSEFULLY MAKES EYE CONTACT WITH ELLIE WHEN HE SAYS IT, LIKE HE FULLY TURNS HIS HEAD 2 MAKE SURE HE MEETS HER EYES SO SHE KNOWS WHAT HE’S GETTING AT N THEN THE EYE CONTACT THEY HOLD AFTER HE SAYS IT N THEY WAY HER EYES WIDEN N IT’S LIKE GOD CAN YOU EMOTIONAL CONSTIPATED BITCHES JUST SAY I LOVE YOU PLEASE ANYWAY THE WAY HE WIPES HIS EYES 2 AFTERWARDS??????? THIS SCENE WAS SO SOFT GOD FUCK

WHY DID THEY CUT OUT THE PART WHERE ELLIE JUMPS IN2 THE WATER WITH HENRY N SAM N HE KEEPS HER AFLOAT LIKE THAT SCENE WAS SOOO IMPORTANT IMO 2 SHOW THAT JOEL THINKING OF HER AS 'CARGO' WAS SLOWLY DETERIORATING I DON’T KNOWJDSSDH BUT THE WAY SHE KNOWS SHE CAN'T SWIM BUT SHE KNOWS JOEL WON'T LET HER DROWN LIKE THE WAY JOEL GOES 'i got you, i got you,' LIKE OMG????? HNHGDHFGDH

WHY DID THEY ALSO TAKE OUT THE SCENE WHERE JOEL LIKE GETS CAUGHT UPSIDE DOWN IN BILL'S TRAP N ELLIE HAS 2 SAVE HIM LIKE THAT SCENE WAS SO FUCKING COOL JDHSDJSDF JOEL WAS SO COOL THERE SIGHHHH

PEDRO PASCAL N BELLA RAMSEY DID SUCH A GOOD JOB OMFG BELLA RAMSEY DESERVES ALL THE AWARDS BRO HOLY SHIT she's such a good actress. their relationship n their chemisty on n off screen is so precious ahhhh they did so good!!!

here r some tiktoks that have me sobbing immediately n gives me immeasurable amounts of grief:

https://www.tiktok.com/@iostlegacy/video/7213479467690249480

this is the edit that got me curious about TLOU in the first place. i was BAMBOOZLED thinking i would get a cute father-daughter duo game (i did but it didn't last) FUCK i love TLOU

https://www.tiktok.com/@cast1ebyerss/video/7242296022716697858

it's the way she becomes this person she obviously doesn't want 2 become,,, which you can tell from the way she gets literal PTSD after the first time she tortures one of Abby's friends 4 information,, like actually tortures,, but she continues doing all that fucked up shit in the name of revenge 4 Joel ‘cus like she loves him SO MUCH!!! ‘when i get home, i’m gonna bury you,’ SHE HAD 2 KILL HER INNER CHILD KYS FUCK anyway the transition from her being all alone n violent 2 her 14 yo self AUGHDHSVSHHSHSHS the way she was she was literally fighting 4 survival during that time (not saying she isnt now like TLOU2) like she was like on 'roadtrip' with  Joel fighting infected almost everyday but she was still so much happier n innocent-er AUGHHHHH the pipeline is 2 real omfg i freaking love Ellie hfhdhdjdbd I love Ellie Williams in my head she is Ellie Miller anyway,,

https://www.tiktok.com/@lcvesrobin/video/7199341136308210950

THE FUCKING TRANSITION FROM TAYLOR'S YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN KID 2 THE 19*5'S ABOUT YOU IN WHICH THE LYRICS ARE 'do you think i have forgotten about you?" KILL YOURSELF,,, ALSO THE FUCKING CAPTION?? ‘CUS SHE WAS ALWAYS ON HER OWN BUT THEN JOEL SHOWED UP N WAS THE FIRST PERSON 2 PROPERLY LOVE HER ENOUGH 2 QUITE LITERALLY OR WTV DAMN THE WHOLE WORLD N HE JUST FUCKING DIES N SHE ENDS UP ALL ALONE AGAIN FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU LONELINESS REALLY IS THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD I JUST WANTED THEM 2 BE HAPPY MAN her only fear was 2 not end up alone n thats all she was in the end (choking on tears)

https://www.tiktok.com/@ramsyvsp/video/7246107689821015338

‘YOU GO HALFWAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY WITH SOMEONE’ // ‘I SAVED HER’ please i can’t take it anymore i literally have work, i work at a job n these bitches got me on life support ,, trying not 2 cry ,, abt 2 talk 2 my supervisor with tears in my eyes thanks. Ellie wanted 2 save the world n Joel wanted 2 save his n that’s exactly what he did.

https://www.tiktok.com/@qshleyvsp/video/7249372913017588999

please don't even talk 2 me.

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSLssF7ah/

self-explanatory. what if i actually started throwing up like /srs.

uhm okay here's like just me talking about Joel n Ellie ‘cus i have daddy issues n the thought of being loved that dearly makes me physically ill. 

i love Joel’s character SO much. the way he’s always been some kind of father/protector 2 EVERYONE around him is so,, he loved Sarah n when he lost her, he lost himself n he dedicated his life 2 protecting the only family he had left ie Tommy n even when that went 2 hell, he was then protective of Tess (let’s be honest she was a milf who could fight like a bitch mwah gone 2 soon) n then Ellie. he was always being someone else’s ,, defender. the way he obviously closed himself off after he thought he failed Sarah n the way he got attached 2 Ellie n ultimately let her in n just seamlessly fell in2 the role of a father again like he was just shrugging on an old jacket. SARAH TAUGHT HIM HOW 2 LOVE N ELLIE REMINDED HIM HOW SIGHHH,, Ellie n Sarah could’ve been the best sisters UGH also the way Ellie was always by herself n she really only had Riley n then she lost her 2 n then she met Joel n he was the first person in her life that didn’t let her get hurt (ish) n actually gave a shit about her so she let him in (SIGH) even though she was probably so scared of ending up alone again (SIGHHHH) n they just. THEY’RE THE ONLY DAD/DAUGHTER DUO EVER MANNNNN

i love their relationship. i love them 2 death. they are so insanely lovely 2 me like how they go from barely tolerating one another 2 risking their lives 2 save each other. being loved by Joel means he doesn't care how violent he has 2 get 2 keep Ellie safe n that's exactly what he did n i can't even imagine anyone loving me that much n it makes me ache 4 someone older who would stop at nothing 2 keep me safe. omfg i'm getting off track. anyway, Ellie loves Joel so much that she's doing everything 2 forgive him, knowing she thinks she's worthless without her immunity meaning something n that is so deep. i love their relationship so dearly. they are so somft 2 me. ignoring the murder n all. i don’t know i just. i never had a connection like Ellie has with Joel. ever. n just like thinking about how if i were in Ellie's shoes, i would just be constantly in awe that someone has the capacity 2 love n care 4 me as much as Joel does n how is he not bursting at the seams. i love Joel. i wish dads were real. sigh okay i think that's all.

yes, that's it. thanks 4 reading. love you xx 

[burgeoning-ambition]

Hello! In your studyblr intro, you said you'd like to give advice and I would like some. I'm a transman but I havent started HRT/have had top surgery or changed my legal name. I really want to go to college and advance my career prospects but I'm afraid of rejection and discrimination because I'm trans and cannot live as stealth. Also the thought of earning my degree with my deadname on it depresses me. I'm worried my mental health will worsen and I won't be able to finish my degree. I'm already in my mid 20s and this dilemma has been on my mind for years. Sorry if this is too much, I appreciate your time, thank you

Hey! Not too much at all- this is a super good thing to be asking about! This answer is pretty hefty, so I'm gonna put it under a cut. I hope this advice helps and I touched on most of the things you've been thinking/worrying about!

I think the best place to start is looking at universities that offer what you want to study and state on their website that they have protections based on gender/gender expression. A lot of universities say they value diversity, but if they explicitly mention gender and/or gender expression in their diversity statement or anti-discrimination statement, that's usually a good sign that there will be actual protections. I will say, there are definitely times that the actual extent of those protections can be a bit lacking even in these cases, but when they say something is protected explicitly it usually discourages discrimination anyway. (On the college's end because they don't want any PR issues with discrimination, on other students' ends because usually the threat of potential repercussions stops a lot of people). In my experience people in college are also less likely to be shitty to you in general, at least to your face. Which can be reassuring in some ways.

But also focus on finding a place with a culture you like! Beyond just policies and stuff, look for a school that seems to have the sort of vibe you like. You can usually see students talking about if a place is a huge party school or if its quiet and other stuff like that on social media, so it's not too hard to find!

Also in terms of rejection (from the school) because you're trans: in a lot of places (not everywhere, but a lot), that's considered discrimination of a protected class. So if you're rejected and they show it's specifically because you're trans, you can make a case against them (also you probably dodged a bullet by getting rejected if that's the sort of thing they'll reject you for, honestly). Again, this doesn't apply everywhere, but there are quite a few places that it does so it's worth looking into if that's a really big concern you have.

For your other big concern, there's a couple things you can do! First of all, you have the entire time you're attending college to legally change your name, because your current legal name is what will be on the diploma, so if you want to and are able to change your name at any point while you're attending, it'll be all good and you can update your info in their system for your student email and stuff! Second of all, some schools may allow you to request a replacement diploma with the correct name after the fact once it's legally changed. I'm not sure how common it is, but I know at least some schools will let you replace your diploma and just order a new one. Third of all, some schools may allow you to put your chosen name on your diploma before it's legally changed if you fill out paperwork for it. I have the least amount of knowledge about this one but I believe I've heard of schools that do this.

Also, on your mental health point, while I can't speak on your personal experiences and tell you how you'll do in college, I can definitely say that it's always possible to find ways to manage it. From bigger decisions like choosing to be a part-time student or full-time student or even something like pausing your degree (most schools will give you a number of years you can spend not taking classes while still maintaining your current degree and progress, some have no time limit at all, and the credits you earn will never go away even if you have to reapply!), to smaller decisions like dropping a class or changing your study routine, there are lots of ways you can change your college experience to make it easier to manage along with the rest of your life and health. (Also, nobody cares about 1. your GPA after you graduate the vast majority of the time or 2. how old you are when you take classes. I know it can be really difficult to shake thoughts about stuff like that but when you can manage to, don't let it bother you. There are people in some of my classes who are the same age as the professors, there are people I know working super good jobs who had super low GPAs! It doesn't really matter much. Just wanted to throw these out because I've met a lot of people with these specific two anxieties getting to them!)

I hope this helps! If there's anything I didn't mention that's really on your mind, feel free to ask about it specifically or message me about it! Feeling safe and comfortable is really important, especially in college imo, so figuring out what's best for you is absolutely worth it.

[sotorubio]

I know its not the point of the post and is pretty minor but you mentioning Lou using a neutral nickname over the feminine name the teacher says, reminded me of how annoying it was to see how she’s listed in the finale credits. Idk if its a deadname if she’s cis? But it was pretty surprising considering this is supposedly a season about being trans. Even if she’s cis, it still doesn’t sit right that she insisted on using one name and showed distaste for the other (and the gncness of her preference and her character can’t be ignored there) and then its framed just as a nickname? Idk. So many things this season were off.

oh yeah absolutely! i thought so too. like not once was she referred to by her full name by the other characters (at least not that i know of) so it's strange that they still kept that in the credits especially since after hearing lou turn down her "real" name n call herself smth else, isi also introduced themselves as isi (as early as ep 1!) which i thought is pretty significant n speaks volumes abt the importance of lou's name. whether or not it should be considered a deadname i'm not sure since it seems that she's supposed to be read as cis (? maybe. i think so) but cis ppl can be uncomfortable w their given names too & not want to use them or even get them changed so that decision should be respected regardless of gender.

like the whole scene where lou helps isi dress in all the crazy outfits n tries to show them it's okay to be who u are screams "everybody has the right to express themselves however they want" and should be enough to view her name as smth she has chosen for herself bc that's more who she is. her experiences are clearly similar to isi's so her name should get the same treatment.

actually, this is a bit off topic n feel free to stop reading but since we mentioned lou being cis (or not), i wanna bring up my annoyance w this too like... in the first clip she was in i think we all assumed she was also nonbinary? and was going to be a role model for isi or just the sort of person to open that door for isi, a bit like eskild. and yeah she sort of did do that, she was an integral part of isi daring to be themselves more but her gender identity was never brought up at all which is kind of a problem imo regarding the fact that isi's identity was barely explored either.

bc due to the lack of talk abt lou's gender i assume she's supposed to be cis. and i mean not every form of representation has to be explicitly stated on screen but u'd think that if the person helping a nonbinary person live more freely as themselves is also nonbinary, they should mention that... like the whole point of isi & lou's friendship is that they're very similar their experiences overlap, the gnc clothes, just unusual style in general, using a different name, getting judged/or being afraid of judgment for being themselves. so... it would've made sense for lou to be like btw i'm nonbinary n then it starts clicking for isi like wait so the first person who truly understands this side of me and who i relate to is nonbinary? could this say smth abt me?

but bc her identity was never explained she just comes off as a cis gnc girl (and now to make sure everyone here has reading comprehension: i don't mean that being cis is the default for characters or that they can't be trans unless explicitly stated to be so, but the whole paragraph above was me explaining why in the context of this specific season, it doesn't work to make her identity subtext and it should be explicitly stated if she is anything but cis) which makes the nonbinary "rep" in the season seem even worse somehow.

like don't get me wrong ofc nonbinary ppl can have experiences in common with cis or trans gnc ppl but since isi never even said "i think i'm nonbinary" or anything like that it's a bit... annoying that the person they relate to when it comes to gender/gender expression is apparently a cis gnc person. bc then HOW are young nonbinary ppl watching the season supposed to make the distinction for themselves like i relate to this but am i like lou who just wants to be gnc or am i like isi who's trans/or how are uneducated but open minded cis ppl supposed to grasp the difference between gnc ppl and nonbinary ppl*. like i'll be honest here. if i didn't know abt eren's identity, i probably would've thought that isi is a gnc guy for the majority of the season specifically bc they get the support and strength from a gnc cis person. n i'd assume instead of struggling w gender identity they were struggling w gender norms. like they rly should've either confirmed that lou is nonbinary as well OR confirmed that shes cis and had isi talk w her abt how regardless of their similar experiences they actually feel like they're not cis.

*and one more media literacy check point bc i don't wanna have to explain my point over and over again: not all shows have to hold the audience's hand and walk them through the identities of the characters. sometimes u have lgbt characters that just exist and fight monsters or go on adventures w/o ever having a conversation abt the specifics of their identity & experiences but skam has always been an educational show and aimed at young ppl to represent them. from my understanding this is even more significant for druck since funk (?) is funded by taxes & their whole thing is making educational content. so in this context it actually is important to explore the main character's identity.

i'm sorry this got so long especially since half of this had nothing to do w ur original ask but i've been thinking abt the whole cis lou thing n this seemed like a good time to write abt it w/o having to make a whole post abt it

[roseverdict]

hey look how hard i can cry

so. in dreamscaperers, we see stan's safe. we see gideon try to break into it. we see bill raid stan's mind for the combination.

ever since i saw a post pointing out that the memory of the vending machine code is different from what it actually is, something's been bugging me about the safe combination.

under a readmore because this got long

tl:dr- i'm having emotions over stan's safe combination and the potential date of ford's disappearance

consider:

gideon trying to break the safe: "38-41-??"

the probably-false memory: "13-44-??"

stan even says "the combo to this safe is in the one place (gideon)'ll never find it: my brain," but can we trust the memory shown in the show? i don't think so!

if we were to take the combination gideon was trying at face value and assume there's only one more number to go… (which, i mean, probably not the smartest move given the rest of this, but stick with me here, i have a plan)

38-41-?? still doesn't seem like anything important at first, but it's a number stan knew he'd never forget. now, we could take it to mean that he's just really good at remembering numbers, especially after spending 30 whole years learning quantum physics the hard way, and i don't doubt it's possible for a second.

let's just put a pin in that thought for a moment first.

jump to journal 3. the year is never explicitly stated, but according to the wiki, it's safe to guess that ford writes this journal in 1982-1983.

the entries after ford discovers bill's treachery are…interesting, to say the least. none of them are dated, and ford's perception of time is more than a little bit untrustworthy once he starts going full-on insomniac. we do get a date for the night before the portal test that made fiddleford quit, however: january 17th.

the test was the following day: january 18th.

assuming ford's descent into paranoia happened as quickly as it seemed to in the atots flashbacks, and assuming he had a somewhat-accurate internal clock, then he stayed in the house for the following several weeks.

Image ID: Screencap of Journal 3, reading "Everything I see only feeds my growing paranoia! After several weeks researching Bill, I went to town only to find this mysterious symbol everywhere!" The symbol is a crossed-out eye, which is the symbol for the Society of the Blind Eye. The words "several weeks" have been underlined in red by Rosie. End ID.

and then, sometime in the early winter months of 1983, stan showed up, and ford went through the portal.

now put a pin in that thought. we're going back to the safe combination.

38-41-??

gravity falls is notorious for its use of codes and ciphers. we've seen caesar, atbash, vigenere, and even a1z26.

now, the combination as it is is just a bunch of numbers. reverse the numbers, however…

38-41-??

??-14-83

hey now.

that looks like a date. we just need the month.

i pose that the safe combination is one of two sets of numbers:

38-41-20

38-41-30

because an untrustworthy "several weeks" after jan 17, 1983 could be either february 14, 1983 or march 14, 1983.

02-14-83

03-14-83

a number stan knew he'd never forget.

[littleeyesofpallas]

Was chatting with a coworker the other day and two things crossed my mind...

that I've been at this weeb shit so long that I forget what I just sort of take for granted and what might not be commonly known little factoids, and

that VIZ's attempt at a monthly Shonen Jump magazine has been gone so long most people probably never saw them. (nevermind the old RAIJIN Graphic Novels that tried the same thing)

So, here's some fun little things you might not have known about manga if you've only ever read English publications and/or digital scans...

For one, there's the matter of print formatting... In general, Japan actually uses their own standards for print that tend to differ from those in the US; The JIS(Japanese Industrial Standards) series A and B. Magazines like the typical anthology format manga are printed in JIS B5, which is comparable to the US Letter standard, or the ISO A4.

This was the same format that RAIJIN Comics printed in as well, and although I don't have a copy of the old English Shonen Jump for reference, if memory serves they printed in the same format as well in an attempt to really sell that "authentic" manga feel. Sadly, I don't know that the effort or attention to detail was much appreciated. Neither published a volume comparable to a Japanese weekly or even monthly serial magazine, though --not by a long shot. But this might not be the most practical for comparrison, since there actually just isn't much of an English language equivalent format. (unless you count actual magazines that happen to include comic illustrations or miniscule comic strip segments)

Despite the mammoth size of a serial magazine, Japanese tankoban are actually smaller than the North American equivalent. But notably the Japanese small book format isn't just a matter of contending with nearest print standards... What I believe is the JIS B40(although I could be wrong) tends to be the standard print size of small books in general, not just manga, and it's a print size that is only marginally smaller than VIZ's standard size manga, but with the very particular benefit of being deliberately portable. The small difference in size is the difference between a Japanese manga fitting in my coat pocket where as the English equivalent can't.

(I realize I photographed a copy of Shonen ACE, and not Weekly JUMP, but I measured a copy of Weekly JUMP for the thickness and not the copy of ACE; the copy of JUMP was around 506pg, while the copy of ACE was 570pg. Those are both older though, and the most recent digital copy i have of Weekly JUMP actually had around 520pg)

And I don't think it's always addressed just what a difference there is, culturally, in how Japan approaches the print medium. It's kind of an old cliche by this point, and I don't know how accurate it's remained in the past decade or so, but the quintessential image passed around between comic nerds has always been the Japanese bullet train; A place packed with commuters all passing their transit time with isolated preoccupation with music and/or reading, with manga being the king of this time killing arena. And its not just about sheer popularity driven by interest, American comic vendors have long envied the sheer accessibility of manga in Japan.

Here in the U.S. we used to have a thriving newsstand retail scene for comic books, and a kind of similar ease of grab and go comic purchase, rather than the explicitly niche interest driven "direct market" model that has been slowly but surly strangling the comic market ever since. But in Japan serialized manga has remained in relatively quick, impulse friendly, arm's reach of readers on the go. And what lubricates that business model more than anything is price.

I still remember a time when VIZ dominated the English manga market by offering at $7.95(and am I crazy or am I remembering a time when it got down to $6.99?) but now'days it's settled on a low end of $9.99. You know how much the recent vol.29 of My Hero Academia goes for? ¥484. That's less than $4.50.

You know how much that big ass magazine with 500+ pages and 21 different series goes for? Do you think it's more or less than the little pocket-size tankoban? Did you guess something close to ¥290? That's less than $2.75. But how does something bigger in both page size and page count managed to sell for less???

There are a few secrets to that, but one is that the things are packed to the gills with ads. But that's the boring answer. The other feature contributing to keeping an accessible cost on weekly/monthly manga is something we don't think about much in the U.S.; it's the paper and print quality.

The nice little books are printed in what you might expect as far as starch white paper and clean black inks, but those big honkin' phone book(do people still know what phonebooks look like??) size magazines are printed on cheap recycled pulpy newpaper with typically rough print jobs. This is most noticeable in the quality of solid blacks, and when scanning the texture of "white" space.

(I tried to take individual photos of different series chapters to show off the fact that the paper is differently colored... but my phone's camera seems to be smart enough to auto balance that kind of thing when there's no other context to anchor it to. (It doesn't help that it's night and my lights have a harsh yellowing glow to them.) but on th left you can still kind of see the different paper colors; this particular issue alternated every 3 chapters between pink-ish, green/gray, a kind of off-white/gray, and sepia, but I've also seen blue-ish, oranges, and a different shade of yellow different from the sepia-ish one.)

Back in ye olden days when it came to fan scanlations, more slapdash teams and projects would often stumble over levels in photoshop (too much black and the pulpy paper texture shows up as grainy shadows, but too far white and the edges of lineart get crunchy and ugly) but those who had more robust readership and a regular streamlined flow of work, we'd actually go in and touch up the solid blacks and whites by hand. We'd also redraw art to erase overlaid text so the type setters could lay the new English in over top.

(Weekly Jump: Left, Bleach tankoban: Right)

They do however keep a few coveted color pages in better quality paper and ink. In contrast, the standard quality tankoban actually don't include color pages at all, and just print what had been color pages in grayscale. There are also all kind of irregularities between publishers and special editions and such, but on the most basic level this difference in quality both keeps serial prices down, while also incentivizing tankoban purchase.

In the U.S. we might still have the draw of an ad-free reading experience in our TPB, but the print quality between a biweekly issue and a TPB are basically the same. Incidentally, even though manga are generally drafted at a much larger scale than even the serial magazine proportions anyway, the scaled down size of the tankoban also serves to sharpen the image. When put side by side the nice clean tankoban print looks noticeably better than the serial.

Now'days the English scanlation scene seems to be conducted almost entirely through ripped digital releases (at least as far as I can tell with popular, regular weekly titles) which is great for quality, frankly, but it does kind of lack the charm and personal touch of a band of amateurs finding round about solutions to a convoluted bootlegging pipeline. But obviously I'm a little biased.

[edit]: Oops i posted this without really ending it in any sensible ro conclusive way... I feel like ive lost sight of the point since i first drafted this but I guess its mostly just me pining after if we could just get super cheap, disposable quality, bulk manga in that classic Japanese magazine model to work here in the states. I already tend to sell manga in big runs, even at $9.99+, and frequently I'll have customers put volumes back, or clearly want the next volume but just can't afford it and wait to come back. If I could sell these customers more volumes, and more importantly more titles, at the same price, I would love to. I would love to see these things fly off the shelves. I would love to see people keeping up with multiple series. I would love to see someone look at a 44vol long series and actually feel like that's a number of volumes they can afford.

[mochuelovelli]

GAAAAHHH OKAY

Let's talk about the Timephoon Episodes

This is such an old topic of discourse but after reading many fanfics, videos, and some posts on the subject I have found little divergent takes on the whole subject.

While commentators are of the mind that, for the most part, the punishment and execution of said punishment for Louie's actions were partially if not fully justified but how she went about it was wrong.

Some fanfic writers and some subsects of the fandom but they are much more critical and often in a more black and white interpretation. Which is valid for vent art. However, I find both these portrayals to be lacking in some nuance.

Specifically when it it comes to who's to blame for the next 3 episodes, and to me, its more than just Della (and Louie but there really isn't much discourse here).

Let's start with Timephoon:

This pretty much solidifies their relationship throughout the episode[Also sorry for no captions]. Multiple times Della is shown to have a very laissez faire style of parenting as she primarily wants her kids to enjoy being kids and having fun. This is probably in part to her personality in general - which is probably what Beakley assumes here - however it is also her want to be loved by her children and even more critically, she doesn't ever want them to suffer like she did. Above all else, she wants them to be happy and feel confident in themselves. We see this in all the previous episode with her and her kids - From Dewey and reassuring him that he doesn't need to prove himself to her [notably in this episode she only shows concern when Dewey himself is in danger, she doesn't give a shit when he almost kills her] to Huey and helping him to have the most fun he possibly can, to even Webby and making sure that she also feels confident in herself regardless in how she goes about things.

Bringing up all these adventures does raise some pretty damning hypocrisy. Della encourage Dewey's reckless behavior in his episode. The lesson at the end wasn't, okay maybe we shouldn't be going on dangerous adventures, it was its okay to be afraid and you don't need to prove to me that you're great I already know you are. Huey's message was similar, albeit more low stakes. Webby's lesson wasn't even that she shouldn't be trying to take such risks to find adventure in the future, it was just a lesson in not being disappointed when things don't work the way you want.

So why wasn't Louie's adventure treated the same? Well... let's look at some more examples of Beakley V Della this episode before we answer that -

This is right before the kids find Bubba, Beakley's reaction is what most people would consider to be parental as she is concerned for the safety of the kids running out in a hurricane. Again we see Della acting casual.

Once Bubba is inside and Huey geeks out about him, Beakley actually smiles bc she knows that something like this means a lot to Huey [keep this in mind for l8r]. She only gets serious after Della says it's neat without much after thought so she gives the lesson of the episode - "Small problems become big problems later if not prevented early."

Next we have Della's faux attempt at being strict with her kids. Letting the irresponsible thing happen as long as they are "safe". While also harkening back to her previous episodes where she also is shown to have this attitude that "the kids can do anything as long as they are safe with ME or Scrooge or another SAFE adult", it is also good to note SCROOGE'S expression here to her patting herself on the back for her parenting. Now he could just be confused as to why Della is taking this "lesson" as a win, but he could be noticing that she really doesn't know what she is doing but unlike Beakley doesn't make any attempts to correct this.

Another scene that people often forget when reviewing this episode, just like with all her other kids she at first takes LOUIE'S side and decides they should just roll with the punches like always. Which honestly is sort if valid because that's kinda Scrooge's whole MO; though he also had others to there to keep him afloat but we all know someone like Scrooge, Della, and the kids hardly see that. I also want to hammer home that, just like with the other boys, she doesn't shy away from displaying that she loves them ALL. A few seconds later, it's subtle but she is shown smiling and patting Louie on the head because like the other kids she just wants him to feel supported. If I was to be critical, I would say this is possibly because she likes the IDEA of her boys more than them but I mean - this is pretty much everyone's attitude towards kids. It might be amplified bc of her trauma but it's not unusual. But even still I would argue that she mainly does love the boys for who they are as she is excited to get to know them.

After Della figures that they are looking for a "master thief", Scrooge and Beakley immediately know it's one of the kids. Shocking her since she later states she is of the belief that her kids are too "good" to do something like this. I also want to bring attention, again, to Beakley smiling (ik im putting a lot of stock into expressions but animation tends to do stuff like this for a reason). She is smiling at whom she expects is Dewey for messing with time and space. Bc even if she planned to scold him, she knows it's just their normal. Scrooge seems to also be of the same mind. Later Beakley gives a really good line about "Even good kids can do dumb things. We got to make sure those dumb things don't turn into bad things like destroying all of existence!".

Mrs. B exists stage right

All jokes aside, this must have been a nightmare for all of them but especially Della. She had just finally admitted that she was out of her depth and made another mistake in parenting. But now it seems like she lost her chance to rectify that. Because for all she knows, Mrs. B will never come back. This is import-ALLRIGHTWEGETIT

Della is then shown explicitly worried about her family. Emotions, insecurities and fear obviously getting the best of her. We don't know exactly what she is thinking but we know she is terrified of the possibility of losing one of her kids. When she asks about Louie, she probably thinks he must have disappeared without her knowing. That she might have already failed more than she could know, because she wasn't there to protect him. She doesn't know - she is "Della Duck" and she doesn't know how to fix this. She didn't expect everything to go so horribly wrong, but that's her theme isn't it?

She is both relieved and understandably PISSED when finding that Louie was responsible for almost destroying the fabric of reality (let me say this again, nearly destroying the fabric of reality). She goes scold both herself and her son about the danger he put them in. Later we see Della, the last one leave and seeing almost everyone she loves vanish. We don't know how long each of the characters who left were in the past but we can assume it was long enough to have to change clothes. Yeah this was probably more of a visual gag but like, the other past characters didn't change their outfits when they came to the present so - (also Launchpad was specific about knowing how the world ends so he had to be there enough for him to understand it). Side note someones gotta write fanfic of these characters time misadventures. I wonder if Dewey and Webby ran into Agent 22.

[Last picture of the infamous scene, side note did anyone notice Launchpad NODDING his head when Della mentioned his time schemes could've cost them their future? He's the only one who knows what happened so maybe Louie's misadventure has more impact than we think-]

Anyways, yeah we know what was said here. But I think it's important to see the reaction the other adults (sorry LP, and Gryo i GUESS) have here BC this is basically why I made this post. What Della decided to do was unquestionably the wrong decision, at least her way of going about it and I will not absolve her of her many MANY mistakes. However, let's remember she wasn't alone in any of this. She was with other parental figures who KNOW more about her kids than she does.

After Louie leaves, why did they think it was good to encourage this course of action? Why did they think giving full parental control to a PTSD, trauma survivor who barely got back less than a month ago was a good idea? Sure it's one thing to not want to overstep your boundaries but are you telling me they wouldn't want to guide her in the right direction at least? We KNOW both Beakley AND Scrooge have their grievences towards Della's parenting strategy or lack there of. Beakley so far doing the most to try and put her in the right direction (which speaks volumes to the problems Scrooge has).

So why wouldn't they explain that, hey, maybe taking away the one thing your kid thinks he is good at ISNT a great idea? Why didn't either say anything about their two day vacation? Something that came up presumingly on a whim and might of prevented (although i doubt it) Louie from trying to steal w/ time? He might have considered pushing back time schemes at least 3 days later. While Mrs. Beakley might be less aware of Louie's insecurities and ambitions, Scrooge definitely isn't. He should have talked to her, and hey we don't see what happens before they leave so maybe MAYBE they did. But again, I doubt it. Seeing as how they all agreed with her at the end, I don't see them trying to meddle with her.

But they should've. They are both experienced guardians and they have nothing to say to her? Plus Donald (goddamn it i almost finished a post w/o him) have THEM responsibility to take care of the kids NOT Della. So they are obligated to help her. Really, the other option other than just well negligence would be not thinking this punishment was a big deal. I wish this aspect was also scrutinized just as much as Della and Louies role in this arc.

Beakley and Scrooge (more so Scrooge) are just as much to blame in what happens as Della if not MORE since they know of her situation in only a way that an experience adult can. There is no excuse for their negligence.

[dreamylyfe-x]

One thing I've not really seen people take into consideration for their sex scenes is that Mickey doesn't seem to have had much gay sex experience outside of Ian, prison, the odd closeted guy he found in s5 and porn. So it's not too out of the question that Mickey learnt dirty talk from porn, especially since he mentioned having watched a lot of prison porn recently. Ians previous sexual partners don't seem the type to use dirty talk so it's likely he's just going along with how Mickey talks, especially as they've gotten more comfortable with each other.

Also I feel like people are getting hung up on the literal use of 'man' in their argument, rather than what it represents in terms of who's more in control in their relationship. The idea of who's 'wearing the pants' in the relationship has pretty the same meaning as 'who's the man' and its pretty set in misogyny and common in het relationships -I think Lip and Tami can be an example of a het couple in which the man isn't 'the man' and results in some resentment towards their partner - which has been their only model for relationships. So I think it makes sense as a petty argument when Ian is concerned about finances and job security, and Mickey isn't but makes more money. Ian wants to be in control because he wants to make sure they're secure enough to last

Hey -- I think a lot of people don’t agree that Mickey has less experience with gay sex than Ian. I think there’s a point where this is sorta true, in that he has probably had less of the gay-sex-he-wants-to-be-having than Ian. It’s never been explicitly stated that he’d already had sex with a dude before 1x08, but I assume he did. In juvie. Where he tops, because it feels safer to him. I think in general he kept up, though. I think Mickey tended to stick with one-night-stands a lot, but I don’t think he ever had trouble picking up and he also seems to use sex as a distraction when he’s upset. And he’s upset a lot. 

The thing is we don’t know what he got up to in Mexico. The romantic notion that he’d be too lovesick over Ian to do anything has an appeal, I guess, but it’s also pretty OOC. And not supported by the text. Mickey takes offence when Ian suggests that he has less experience until Ian clarifies “Not fucked, DATED. Been in love with.” -- Relationships is where Mickey seems to have notably less experience. 

Learning dirty talk from porn? I buy it. Might even be a scourge of our time. But the one thing I really did like about that scene was the comfort they have together and he might have been saying that stuff either because he thinks it’s hot or he thinks it’s funny -- but no matter where it comes from, it’s still going to make a lot of people want to die a slow death from embarrassment. 

So the thing about being the literal man... I get why that’s a sticking point. All the language about this issue was extremely gendered, and the show was making it into a direct question of who is in charge. All the phrases we have for that -- as you pointed out -- are ALSO gendered. They also then literally start talking about their bodies like it has ANY role in the question of who is “in charge” in their relationship. In some ways, I appreciated the lady at the warehouse who defined being the woman in the relationship as very simply “doing more for less”. Because you can look at the stats on that one, particularly in the US. Or read the great and good Captain Awkward to see it in action in people’s homes. That lady had a point and that point was also very directly about gender. 

I fully agree that it makes sense for them -- and every married couple on earth, het or otherwise -- to fight about this. What I don’t like is a) being mean to each other and b) HITTING EACH OTHER, just... Argh! No! God damn. 

I think it was interesting that when we got the voice of authority on the issue, it was a woman who is with a man who just flatly said “There are no men and women in a marriage, there are partners” -- and that she focused on the toxicity of having one person putting themselves over the other. If that lesson is internalized and this whole thing goes away after this episode? I will not hate it. 

I can’t even get into Tami and Lip. There’s so much bullshit going on there. But I think the show at least knows it’s bullshit.