#i dont even feel sad abt it but i just c dont feel like doing anything

[bunnihearted]

𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅

[kuiinncedes]

fngfdjngjdfkng

[butt-puncher]

I wish that I was more

[sacrificialmutt]

oh!

[paingoes]

Destroyer is afk

(Masterlist)

another sherbet colored update. i really love simulating internet speech in writing i think its so fun

(Content: death mention, past trauma, self loathing, comfort??)

=======================

no posts in a month its over

they got him omg </3

Did indy fucking die?

RIP INDY

ndhakdvsnnd: can you guys stop saying that im dead  ndhakdvsnnd: also no more leaks until further notice. stop asking.

sunspot: Hey you don’t have to talk to us if you don’t want to but can you please give us some indication you’re still alive? 

sunspot: We’re really worried.

katkittykat: omg look at this video :3

katkittykat: have u ever seen a shark move like that in all ur life that shit is so crazy

katkittykat: hey where have u been lololol

katkittykat: are u mad at me :c

katkittykat: if its somethin i did can we talk abt it ??? 

katkittykat: okk ur making me nervous 

katkittykat: OH SHIT UR BACK

katkittykat: WTF

ndhakdvsnnd: hey sorry 

katkittykat: bro where did u go!!!! D:

ndhakdvsnnd: had to travel somewhere i couldnt bring my laptop

katkittykat: im rlly glad ur ok! 

ndhakdvsnnd: do you want me to send you the next batch

katkittykat: uhh yea only if ur up to it. whenever ur ready :3c

ndhakdvsnnd: i can do it now

katkittykat: ty sweetness

katkittykat: sunny wants u to answer him lol hes having an aneurysm xD

ndhakdvsnnd: okay

ndhakdvsnnd: hi

sunspot: Hey! 

ndhakdvsnnd: kitty said you wanted to talk to me

sunspot: Yes I wanted to know if you were okay because we hadn’t heard from you in a while

ndhakdvsnnd: obviously

sunspot: ?

sunspot: Why is that obvious?

ndhakdvsnnd: how would i be typing if i wasnt okay

sunspot: That doesn’t even make sense ?

sunspot: I assumed if you were offline for a month it was because you were either upset or in danger

ndhakdvsnnd: maybe i just have a day job to worry about

sunspot: In that case it would’ve been nice to receive some kind of warning so we wouldnt think you were hurt 

ndhakdvsnnd: i didnt have time

sunspot: You didn’t have time to type one sentence?

ndhakdvsnnd: okay im sorry

sunspot: Look I’m not trying to lecture you Im just saying we were concerned and I wanted to make sure you were alright.

ndhakdvsnnd: okay

sunspot: Everything’s really okay then? Nothing happened?

ndhakdvsnnd: i dont want to talk about it

sunspot: Alright.

sunspot: You know we care about you right?

ndhakdvsnnd: i didnt send a warning because i didnt know i was leaving until the last minute i didnt go by choice

ndhakdvsnnd: thanks for attacking me over it as soon as i got back though 

sunspot: Does it seem like I’m attacking you? 

ndhakdvsnnd: yes kind of

sunspot: I’m sorry then. I didn’t mean to.

ndhakdvsnnd: okay

sunspot: Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?

ndhakdvsnnd: i am just sad okay i am already getting yelled at all the time  i dont need to get it from you too 

ndhakdvsnnd: sorry this is stupid ill shut up

sunspot: No it’s okay! If you’re upset you can tell me that’s what I was messaging you about in the first place I had the feeling something was wrong

ndhakdvsnnd: are you sure

sunspot: Yes positive

ndhakdvsnnd: i just dont like feeling like everyone is disappointed or mad at me all the time i dont know 

ndhakdvsnnd: it would be one thing if i deserved it but i dont know i have been really really trying lately and it doesnt work and it makes me feel bad

ndhakdvsnnd: but i kind of deserve to feel bad so i dont know 

ndhakdvsnnd: im tired

sunspot: Why do you think you deserve to feel bad?

ndhakdvsnnd: a lot of reasons 

sunspot: I don’t think you deserve it.

ndhakdvsnnd: you dont know me though

ndhakdvsnnd: you wouldnt like me if you knew me 

sunspot: Well what I do know about you now is that you are risking your life and sanity to provide us information to help people.

sunspot: Just based on that I don’t think you deserve to feel so bad about yourself.

sunspot: I think the people you’re around are probably really hard on you and its affecting the way you see yourself.

ndhakdvsnnd: im sorry

sunspot: Why are you saying that?

ndhakdvsnnd: i dont know

ndhakdvsnnd: is it okay if i go to bed now 

sunspot: Goodnight! We can talk later if you’re up for it?

ndhakdvsnnd: okay gn

[milgram-tournament]

MILGRAM Best Song Tournament, Round 1, Match 4 HALF vs. MAGIC

Propaganda for both options under the cut!

Propaganda for HALF:

kazui may just be an old gay man but HE CAN SING.

its. literally stunning.

like aside from his character and everything else, half is just really really beautifully written

THE INSTRUMENTALS.

HIS V O I C E??? its so pretty

heartbreaking lyrics. i dont love kazui as a character but i have bawled to half

GAY RIGHTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love amane but she will undoubtedly win when her purge march poll rolls around, so lets let the old man have a win shall we?

---

half propaganda let's goooo sorry i'm sobern't in true kazui style so this probably won't make a bit of sense

theatre kid man. i love him, incredible mv.

this song is pure ASMR to me

visually aligned with Cat and it's so lovely to see that continuity

the GRAINY MOVIE DOTS THING ON THE MV <3

kazui is so dramatic. i love him i love him

dapper gentleman. such clothes

the key change is so well done

AND THE . THE PART WITH THE. THE ENDING SORT OF LYRICS OVERLAID WITH SPEAKING. and then his quieter singing and, and, and o h my god. im sorry. im not very coherent abt this rn

every part of the song is amazing but once it gets to the key change and after it keeps stepping up the amount of being perfect

kazui is in it

um

kazui is in it

go my psionic warriors vote for everyone's favourite failhusband

no children were tortured in the making of this MV (cough looking at You magic)

---

Allow me to present my Half propaganda!

- The slower tempo adds a very relaxing feeling to the song. Kinda ironic, but I like it! It sort of reminds of old indie songs from 2012 (especially with what I think is whistling added in the instrumental in-between chorus and verses.)

- Kazui’s voice. Enough said.

- It’s very easy to listen to, and I find it’s one of the only songs from Milgram that I like to listen to out of context (besides After Pain, Backdraft, and Purge March, oddly enough.)

- The MV is rife with imagery, and is used to beautiful effect. It really makes you feel for Kazui and his situation.

- The scene with him and Hinako before the key change… that makes me so emo.

- The overlapping part at the end… the lyrics combined with the dialogue in the background makes me really sad in a way I can’t explain.

Propaganda for MAGIC:

MAGIC MY BELOVED MAGIC!!! Its one of the best MVs in the entire series, even including T2. Magic is visually stunning and has some fantastic art direction but also is very clever in how it conveys its themes and ideas. Magic doesn't really hide anything from you, not really. It's all symbolic but it Tells You Things. It shows you the abuse, it shows you the cat. There's a fun little relationship going on here where, In Magic. Amane's pain and suffering isn't taken seriously by the people around her and the Audience we are discouraged to take it at face value due to the fictionalized nature of Magic. It's so cool. I'm so fond of the song as well, it's one of the best in the series purely cause of the Layers in it. The implications of this Inability to be good is seeped into Magic. Amane knows this isn't reality, Magic knows it's a show, she watches it at the end. And it's so Sad to me that even in her fictionalized happy world she Cannot be a good girl. It's a standard completely out of reach for her and that idea is just conveyed so well visually.

Im not even talking about the goddamn cat yet- the cat symbolism goes Deep. That cat is HER it has the same wounds Amane has in Purge March. I- I cant talk about the intertextuality of Purge March and Magic here this is Magic propaganda only- I- there's so much good stuff to Magic. I Re watched it over and over again. It has some the Best Writing and Visual Communication in Milgram and I will Die on this Hill.

---

shoutout to magic for having pretty props AND being vague as fuck about the crime! diversity win!

seriously though amane looks SO cute in it! the mv has such a pretty and colorful style and even with that it's able to show the horrors of what amane went through.

adding onto my last point. that scene where the cat is hyperventilating and you see the camera shaking???? that scene where the mascots find amane helping the cat and they're all standing over her? CHILLS. im repeating myself but the fact that they were able to portray the awful things amane went through in a genuinely emotional way while still keeping the cute cartoon look is soo impressive

there are SO many layers to itill the entire cartoony style making it look like a tv show… utilizing the cartoony effects and bright colors to show amane downplaying her own pain… the transformation after she gets punished barely changing anything to show just how manipulated she was from the start… ueueueue

ALSO ALSO ALSO THE SCENE AT THE END WITH AMANE STARING AT THE SCENE? OHHH ITS SO GOOD it adds such a feeling of dread and reminds you on top of this whole thing that all of this is truly horrifying! something is going on here!

this song is so catchy it gets stuck in my head CONSTANTLY

"Dear wise one, Am I worthy? Is it ok to spoil myself?" AMANE... UEUEUUEUE

the little ding sound effects in the instrumental?????

amanes voice is ADORABLE

THE INSTRUMENTAL IN THAT PART WHERE SHES HELPING THE CAT HAS THAT GODLY TYPE SOUND YOUD TYPICALLY ASSOCIATE WITH CHURCHES AND STUFF AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT PROPERLY BUT JUST RELISTEN TO IT AND YOU WILL KNOW WHAT I MEAN. ITS SUCH A NEAT DETAIL

i could go on about this mv for days but i am not a theorist unfortunately. just. magic sweep

[pjsk-headcanons]

ok welcome to today's ted talk (i am procrastinating on doing my schoolwork bc brother eughhh i am not reading a book from 1500 or smth /jk i will eventually. just let me have this for now) today's ted talk is.... what teams and drivers in f1 pjsk characters would like bc f1 and pjsk is arguably what is maintaining me sane and idk why not. if you disagree uhhh thats fine idc lol this is purely based off of vibes and cardinal directions WxS - rui: as i have mentioned in my first hc he likes a) ferrari b) red bull c) mclaren, bc every f1 fan ik is at least A BIT of a ferrari fan even if they like only one team (*cough* that fan may be me *cough* *cough*), so rui is a ferrari fan and a red bull fan, probably because he likes the crazy shit on red bull's channel (look at this for example: https://youtube.com/shorts/uf9PQT0OgUY?si=yA8NM97AJHeyf0HH). maybe he likes the drink as well, now drivers! his favorite driver is lando, bc i think he will like his streaming content (perhaps his personality and his willingness to talk abt mental health and i am not kidding, search it up!!) (i'd like to note that rui is most definitely a very avid f1 fan) - tsukasa, emu and nene: they all like ferrari and red bull, they're not avid fans but they understand what happens in the sport (mainly because of rui) and as i think they wouldn't be as big fans as rui, so they probably just follow rui's opinions LOL im sorry if it's basic, but it's imo :3 L/N - ichika: she's a casual f1 fan, so she probably likes ferrari bc it's popular and she doesnt know how much depression it causes to be a tifosi. (ps: i am not a tifosi) her favorite driver is lando yet again, because she decided to learn a bit more abt the f1 drivers and found out he can play multiple instruments, so that sparked an interest in her and yeah - saki: she probably doesn't even care but she likes to listen to ichika and shiho talk abt the races. im sorry if it sounds like saki slander, i just dont think she would really like f1 😭😭 pls forgive me saki fans - honami: the ultimate of ultimate of f1 casual fans. that's it, maybe she would like alex but that's it - shiho: the less casual f1 fan out of l/n, she likes red bull and max verstappen. arguably she doesnt even care abt the f1 teams, but she likes max for how he is(me too shiho. it's actually sad to think i didnt like him </3) extra hc: ichika and shiho most definitely talk abt f1 whenever they have time to! VBS - akito: he likes whatever team is fighting an's favorite team. if she likes red bull, he likes mclaren, etc, etc. point is, he likes what an doesnt bc he has some beef with an (i promise you it's not idk levels of genuine hate it's like uhhh i forgot the word im not sure if this is clear!!) - an: uhhh i accidently explained her in akito's part - kohane: weirdly, super into f1. she's not the "i watch f1 for the drivers!" fan, she's the "i watch f1 for the sport!" fan (<- i feel like i have to clarify that) and although that may not make sense, she roots for all the teams and drivers. (even lance.) so tbh if you asked her "kohane whats your favorite f1 team and f1 driver?" she would say "idk i just like the sport i dont really care abt who's winning" - toya: he seems like he would like f1 but he doesnt know a shit abt f1(the creative juices are almost gone now afksahsjkdgbhdg) N25 - mafuyu: i feel like she heard abt f1 at school and ended up liking instead of the sport, the aerodynamics stuff. very specific ik - kanade: she would get distracted by the f1 sounds so she wouldn't even know what's happening and somehow compose a music based off the sounds of an f1 car/f1 related - mizuki: she heard abt f1 one day from rui and ever since she talks with rui abt f1 stuff (other than the in canon stuff)!! her favorite team is whoever is cooking at the moment (she doesnt want to suffer over like. omg bad strategies and bad car) and her favorite driver is lewis (1. his fashion style 2. how good he is) - ena: tbqh the same thing as an's

MMJ - my creative juices have almost completely dried. but tbh, i dont think they would have time for f1 bc they do so much shit yknow, ik they like have managers and everything but id argue they're dedicated to what they do and they'd prefer to do other stuff than learn abt f1 stuff. im so sorry mmj fans i promise ill make a better headcanon than this one day 😭😭

oops how did it get this long? anyways, thank you for joining my ted talk! hope everyone is ok :D - papaya anon

.

[moomeecore]

hey, i hope this isnt rude, but i value your thoughts on betty (and simon!) and i think about your various analytical pieces often.

so i hope this isnt too vague, but. ive been thinking about the ways betty and simon might differ from each other, specifically in the way they view...everything. do you think one of them has a 'sees the big picture but misses the small details' view and the other has a 'gets lost in the details, cant see the big picture' view? im not sure if they differ here, or if they are both the 'gets lost in the details' but going opposite ways...?

FINALLY getting around to awnsering this. i got sick so it took me even longer than i thought it would (had to wait until i could retain coherent thoughts)!!

Ok So, a lot of this is extrapolating (esp for betty) and goes very into more of a headcanons and Personal Interpretations area than a, like, canon analysis. in part bc the show dosen’t give us a ton of content of these characters (i mean, there’s plenty of simon content as ice king but im talking about pre and post ice king simon here). but yea im just gonna ramble. dont take this super seriously btw guys. again a lot of this is just personal Interpretation yknow

SO i think simon is definitely a “gets lost in the details guy”. at least like, overall. that man overanalyzes things until he goes into a state of paralysis and then he just passes out. in some ways he might better about this post being-freed-from-the-curse, on the basis of "had to survive the apocalypse by thinking on his feet", but also worse about it bc of the lasting impacts of having been ice king. because one of the Big Things about ice king is that he almost never thought anything through and just did things as soon as he thought of them. i think simon probably really wants to be Not Like Ice King and so might be scared of making choices too fast or acting too impulsive. i imagine he’s very worried about behaving like ice king and thats something thats in the back of his mind most of the time, impacting his confidence in his own choices & actions. but also f&c sorta shows that he has that issue of trauma responses causing him to have emotional outbursts and make quick decisions. so thats something to keep in mind.

i think he's, like stuck in a state of being scared to do things without thinking really hard abt them but then sometimes he does that and then he usually regrets it and feels really awful afterwards. not always guilty-awful even. f&c seems to show him feeling angry a lot. to me simon deals not just with guilt over being ice king or recovering from being ice king or Having strong reactions to things or making choices he regrets… but also with Anger At The Situation - a lot of feeling confused and not sure what to do and overwhelmed, i think . (i like that they let him be angry and frustrated, not just sad and depressed. i think this is very realistic to trauma related emotional responses)

the other thing abt simon is he tends to follow other people's lead on a lot of things. i think he just likes not having to deal with the pressure of making decisions. he seems more inclined to lead around f&c than around, like, finn, though. and betty. but i think that’s in part because he was taking on a protector role w them. but yeah. he does a lot of crazy shit in f&c but very noticeably does not really act as a lead decision maker. until they get to the vampire world and they get attacked for a second that man is yelling orders and breaking a chair over his knee and pulling out a pocket knife to carve it into a stake lighting fast. which i loved that. i loved that he gained so much confidence from being in Panic Mode when confronted w vampires Because those where something he had to deal with in the apocalypse when raising marcy. he had to know what to do for marcys sake. other than that tho he's usually making suggestions at most. and agreeing to do scary crazy shit lmao . EXCEPT he decides on his own in secret to try and contact golb . hehe (motivated by wants to see his wife)

(it also seems like when he feels more confident in something he's much more capable of making choices. (makes sense) he wasnt paralyzed by anxiety when going on that research expedition with betty, probably because he was literally getting a phd (or had a phd, the show was so weird abt that) in that subject. makes sense he knows what he's doing. and also is interesting bc in ep2 of fionna and cake when he goes on an Adventure with finn he's very scared and nervous, but then talks about how he "used to be quite the adventurer in [his] day", which fits into the theme f&c had w his character where he feels out of place and less confident bc his whole ass profession isn't really relevant anymore, and everything is so different from how it used to be. so yeah. current simon has even less self confidence and confidence in his own decision making than Back In The Day simon bc of that)

id like to say that…. i think that the fact that it took betty only a few years to summon and eldritch god to free simon from his curse meanwhile it took simon 12 years to get to the point where he kidnapped a guy to use in a summoning ritual to talk to betty is interesting. bc i really do think they both love each other, and are both obsessive and co dependent. but betty went off the deep end so fast, meanwhile simon took a lot longer to do something comparatively Less Evil for betty. i think that a lot of this is because simon is just less confident in his choices, more nervous about making decisions, and *slower* at making decisions. in part because of a obsessive focus on details (i also think a buncha other stuff contributed to the difference in how long it took betty vs simon to do differing levels of fucked up shit for eachother but Yeah that’s the relevant part.)

i wouldn't say betty is a "think about the big picture, ignore the details" person though, necessarily. maybe compared to simon she is, but she's still a huge fucking nerd. she's an academic! to me she's someone who takes issues and situations that are more subjective and translates them into concretely structured language in order to guide herself through what actions she should take (my friend responded to this with “so what youre saying is betty took a philosophy class and was like ‘aw yes! Math!’” and yeah that is exactly what im saying)

i feel like canon sort of implies this, and definitely doesn't Not Imply It, but i also think canon didn't flesh out her character very well, so in a lot of ways im making my own assertions. but i think she's the type of person who likes to view things in ways that are ....not necessarily less complicated, but more concrete? like she can handle an uber complicated math problem with ease, but the way a math problem is complicated is entirely different from the way a social interaction is complicated, you know. and she's way better equipped for the first one.

so, basically, i think betty would be like: Dosent see the bigger picture.... but in a different way from simon, where instead of getting caught up on and overwhelmed by all the little details, she picks a specific angle to view the situation and then focuses on That, often to the detriment of viewing things from a wider, more complex and nuanced perspective. so better at seeing the bigger picture than simon, but still can miss a Lot…

i also feel like she leans towards viewing things as "identify a problem/issue, then find away to eliminate it" and "identify a goal, and find a way to reach it" . like i feel like she'd tackle social and personal situations in this way. it's not like she can't do things for fun or anything, but like, if she upset simon she'd go into Solving A Problem Mode and be like: “The issue is Simon Is Upset. The goal is Make Simon Not Upset. First i have to identify Why simon is Upset, and then how to make him Not Upset. This is The Current Goal I Must Complete.” like, not in an abstract sense. like shes literally narrating that to herself. i think she likes to focus in on  "what's wrong here and how do i fix it" as opposed to dwelling on emotions and exploring nuance. (which may be a contributor to how she ended up in that “there’s so little me left anymore” state by temple of mars: she was so focused on Fixing the Problem that she didn’t allow herself to really process her feelings too deeply and that took a toll on her mental health.)

simon is maybe more aware of nuance, which could be part of why he gets caught up on details because he's like "this CANT be properly categorized into something more straightforward, there's actually a billion TRILLION little details and that is stressful". like simon desperately wishes things could be simplified down more but is usually like "actually no, a million things are happening actually". he's like me he would get upset if asked to rate his pain or feelings on a number scale at the doctor (i can’t do that shit for the life of me. Those things are far too complicated to put on a number scale in my eyes). meanwhile betty just will force things into concrete categories and steps and factors that Make Sense To Her with intense fervor and if she starts to have a "this is too complicated to address" moment she feels threatened and then tries very hard to reprocess things in a way that is easier, or just does her best to ignore the things that make stuff too complicated to address

i think betty tends to view things in medium-sized chunks that incorporate some but Not All details in a situation, and that she cares about small details and being thorough but feels like accomplishing the goal is the most important thing, so is willing and able to make a quick decision if she feels it's the only choice. like. she had a limited time before the portal closed, and she chose to jump through it, because she thought "the problem is that im not with simon. simon is on the other side of the portal. ill go there" it's not that she doesn't like to think things through. she loves to think things through! its just that OVERALL she is a Doer who wants to solve the problem and thinks taking action and doing something is way better than sitting there and missing an opportunity. betty will think through the details if she has time, but if she doesnt, she just breaks things down into whatever is most easy to digest and process, and then takes the option that seems.like it will get the most desired outcome based on the available info. and also shes just very confident and headstrong. and THATS.  why she punched bella noche

In my eyes betty likes having rules and defined, structured processes about what to do or how to deal with stuff. and she dosen’t really like changing those. she's very autistic. she hates change i think. so does simon. but i think that simon would be more likely to be like: the change in situation is so upsetting that it's making it harder to think and process things, so he just gets overwhelmed and has an even harder time addressing whatever is happening or comprehending it. meanwhile betty is quick to try and find the easiest way to rerout her thinking to fit the new change, she's just really fucking pissed off and stressed out about it (part of this to me is she hates feeling powerless & hates feeling like she might fail). she copes with changes in her surroundings by finding a way to connect the changed situation as well and as fast as possible with her pre existing methods of tackling situations. i think bettys also worse at handling changes in people than changes in situation. to quote my friend when we where texting about this “Situations dont have feelings”.

Like. Betty has so many skills. so much knowledge. but isn’t great with people. And she gets to know people and figures out how to understand them and then THEY CHANGE??? ILLEGAL. and so… like…this is literally her whole thing with simon!! elements seems to imply that betty originally views things as "simon is cursed, i have to fix the curse". but when she makes an attempt to meet simon where he’s at and try to interact with him as ice king, she is unable to handle it. she is upset that he is different, so much so that she concludes the only way to view things is to see them as separate people, even though it was implied that she wasn't doing that before! she was approaching it like he was Simon With Memory Loss…..but then she does her villain betrayal scene and now she's all "things will be back to just me and simon, and you won't exist" . meaning before she directly started interacting with him, she was able to view him as simon, but when she did interact with him for an extended period of time and found out how different he had become, she felt so threatened by this that the only way she could handle it was by switching her view in order to not have to confront the idea that simon could have changed that much. it also meant switching her view to a place where she would be okay hurting simon. but when he starts to protest, get upset, ask what's wrong, and worst of all, insist that he's worthy of respect, that starts to stress her out and she has to talk out loud to herself to reassure herself that she's doing the right thing

and in that scene simon goes "i don't know who this simon guy is, im ice king", which i think is a Big line - he's responded to simon in the past, but doesnt always. Like. he's inconsistent in whether or not he's aware that's a way of referring to him, which makes sense bc he seems to have memory lapses where he remembers things fine one minute and forgets them the next, them remembers about them way later. anyway having him say that simultaneously provides a Confirmation of bettys new perspective, but it also… isn’t meant to. i feel like, to the audience, its saying that "simon has changed so much, he's entirely different now. and this is the way things are, and betty should accept this, but she cant" . to betty its telling her she’s right, but that kind of sucks, because she’s not totally sure how much she wants to be right (she dosen’t want this to be simon, but she also dosen’t want simon to be gone)

(i think the idea of betty Swapping her perspective abt simon during elements as a coping strategy to deal w the panic of What If Simon Is Different + the moral dilemma of potentially hurting him fits nicely into the "betty has bpd" interpretation . my girl is splitting)

(also ik many people interpret simon and ice king as Literally being entirely different people but tbh i think that is way less interesting and doesn't make a lot of sense with the canon. but also ik this is partially because what people consider to be "different people" is subjective.  like it depends somewhat on ur perception of identity and stuff. also having different interpretations is valid and fair and all that - and adventure time is often very loose in its text and there’s lots of ways to interpret it. but whatever man im just saying my feelings and That is and Always Will Be the Same guy to me and i think that perspective is waay more interesting to explore than simon getting possessed by an alternate personality or whatever. so im just going under that interpretation….. i think some ppl would perceive the "im ice king" line as being a conformation of them as separate people but to me it's a more abstract representation of the idea that a Drastic Change has taken place that Cannot be reversed!!.... which. Ok eventually it is but tbh i doubt they even knew how they'd end the show by this point and i still think in the context of elements it still works very well as a way driving home both how betty is Not Handling the Situation Well while also making you empathize with her bc u also know how hard that must have been for her to hear)

i think betty is very person-oriented in a unique way!!she's codependent while also being low empathy, introverted, and in many ways socially inept,  which is an interesting combo! i really get the vibe that she has always struggled socially and had trouble fitting in, so attaches really heavily to people who she does feel a connection to, and works really, really hard to maintain the relationships she has. i like to think she’s scared of rejection…

i think simon is much more empathetic, emotion-driven, and in tune with others than betty, but i also think he can be Very bad at actually understanding other people on many levels - like with his obliviousness to betty being interested in him romantically until she spelled it out for him, or to the impact of bettys earlier sacrifices. simon also, with the mission to get the crown in f&c, despite his empathetic nature and love for his friends, does not seem to consider that putting the crown on would upset his friends. This shows a "focusing on one thing and missing something else" scenario, and perhaps more of a "thinking abt the big picture" (saving f&c's world) over the details (friends would be sad) thing. so that's interesting. (although i think part of this example in particular stems from his self hatred preventing him from really thinking that his friends would be upset if he did that. but in a sense it is focusing on big picture over details). So theres some nuance there i think

BUT Anyway, i think this issue probably is mainly with him struggling to read people, or fully understand others perspectives, despite caring deeply about people and feeling Upset when he can tell other people are Upset. he cares and he feels very emotionally connected to people, especially people he cares about…. he just isn't that great at picking up on things sometimes. (also. Worth noting, i think its def shown that while simon may be very caring towards his friends and is a generally nice and approachable, well meaning person who wants whats best for other people. He still is very capable of Hating People and Doing Bad Things On Purpose. Don’t want to ignore that. also hes very desensitized to bad things happening in many respects lmao. So its not like hes just always super nice and caring and amazing. He still murdered choose goose to death and That is via the power of choose goose being annoying and Simon Loving Betty)

Betty also struggles to understand other people but instead of being downright oblivious to certain things or being unsure and nervous she finds relating to people and understanding their actions and emotions to be actively difficult and makes an active effort to understand people in a bit of a scientist-looking-at-a-subject way. Which can be helpful sometimes and less helpful other times. like. it's good that she has a way to navigate social interactions . but also that way of addressing things isn't always conductive to a healthy relationship, especially when she doesn't really let simon in on the fact that she's making these sort of analyses where she's like "what will maximize Simon Being Happy and how do i accomplish this" sometimes to her own detriment.  simon is just like "wow betty is so confident and good at knowing what she wants" meanwhile betty is like "i will make the best choice For Simon" betty i think is better than simon at reading people but not good at Empathizing With Others Emotions or really Understanding or relating to the emotions behind their actions .

she also is shown to, despite caring So much about simon, not be very considerate or caring towards others (not the same as being low empathy & etc dw im not equating them. Its just on the topic of How She Views Others!!!). To be fair, we don’t see nearly enough of her interacting with people besides simon, but i like to think that she just sorta struggles to really care about and have compassion for Random People but deeply cares about those she is Really close too (but as far as we know, thats just simon)

OVERALLi think they see the world very similarly in some ways and very differently in others and it's an interesting balance. also they are both Autistic. In cconclusion !!

betty

likes to break things down into concrete concepts because she struggles to comprehend more subjective and nuanced experiences, especially in social situations + Feels more comfortable approaching things from a “scientific” perspective because it is familiar and easy for her to navigate; threatened by uncertainty and comforted by things that are more straightforward and well-defined

doesn't dwell on things a ton (esp not as much as simon) because she's very goal-oriented and focused on the Now. she wants to get to the next step. that often then means ignoring Her Own Feelings Or Needs if she deems Other Things to be more relevant or important than them (not good for your mental health) + this also means she’s better at making quick decisions! she cares about details and prefers to have All The Relevant Info but is willing and able to cut things down to a “wider-picture” that helps her make whatever choices will help her achieve her goal - that wider picture just may not always be the Full Actual wider picture.

struggles to put herself in other people's shoes - finds it easier to view herself as an outside party with the goal of achieving the ideal outcome in a social situation. In general has low empathy and struggles to understand/relate to others feelings, which impacts her perspective on things and how she handles/views situations.

(not really mentioned earlier but idk where else to put it:) i also think she has that Autism Trait where you focus in on a specific goal you want to achieve and struggle to focus on anything else until it's accomplished (and that that sort of thinking pattern happened with curing simons curse). where you put off doing anything, even things you could do, until something that you Need to happen (according to your brain, not the real world) happens.  Betty put off being person until simon was saved. she put Everything on hold until she accomplished her mission. and this is in a way a form of not seeing the bigger picture, because its overly focusing on a specific thing at the expense of others

(bettys better at balancing seeing the details & the big picture in a sense, but more like. she picks a medium sized chunk of what is going on and focuses on that and acknowledges details when able to but is willing and able to make split second decisions based on little info and is confident in doing so. but whereas i think simon might have more of a "sees the whole big picture but then gets caught up on the details" thing going on, i think betty just straight up focuses on One Portion of something, of varying sizes, which could or could not he considered a "detail", but then almost completely ignores everything else, viewing things as individual challenges or events that need to be addressed before anything else can be)

simon 

is someone who really likes to think things through, and can easily get hung up on details and can easily get overwhelmed by those details and sent into a state of anxiety-fueled-spiraling or decision making paralysis

this is worse probably for Current simon because he’s also Trying To DIstance Himself from his identity as ice king, and as ice king he had no impulse control and thought things through very little. so simon likely puts even more pressure on himself to think things through! unfortunately hes also Going Through A Lot Emotionally and sometimes that’s too much and he Dosen’t think things through and just acts on how he’s feeling. And that makes him feel Worse about himself and just Everything in general

he is more confident with his decision making skills if he feels more prepared/knowledgeable on the subject at hand or is taking on a caretaker role (like with marcy, or f&c). but currently he dosen’t have a lot of that going on so that kinda sucks for his self confidence. 

simon is better at empathizing with people than betty & at creating connections with others & is more caring towards people he dosen’t know that well - and so may consider Other People more in his perspectives on things. But on the other hand hes not always the best at reading people or understanding their perspectives, even if he feels emotional connections and cares about people, so he can easily overlook other people’s struggles or perspectives within an issue - even if he cares deeply about their wellbeing (very relevant to his relationship with betty)

he’s generally more emotion driven than betty, and dwells on & ruminates about his feelings, sometimes to the point of obscuring his understanding of a situation or his ability to engage with it. On The Other Hand this means he at least acknowledges how he’s feeling meanwhile betty is like “im classifying that as irrelevant information until further notice” lmao. 

he’s better at understanding nuance & subjectivity than betty but this contributes to his habit of getting-overwhelmed by everything & Overthinking

(simon focuses on details over the big picture overall. he easily gets caught up in details and panics. he traps himself in cycles of worrying about details that can paralyze him when making decisions, and so prefers to not have to make choices. BUT simons "paralyzed with fear of making decisions" state can often be overturned by the power of Having Strong Emotions and his decisions may be Less Good because of the power of not being great and understanding other people. he's very emotion-driven and currently suffering from a billion mental health issues so sometimes all that gets in the way of his natural over-thinking. hes got a better understanding of nuance than betty & is better at Empathizing with others and more considerate but not all too great at reading them or recognizing others Feelings or Behaviors)

I THINK I REPEATED A LOT IN THIS. AGAIN, KIND OF JUST RAMBLING. HOPEFULLY IT WAS SOMEWHAT COHERENT

[loopylostandfound]

For the ask game, 001- BaroRyuu and 002- Barok van Zieks! :D

OH BOY BUCKLE UP

will contain dgs-dgs2 spoilers so anyone reading who hasn't finished the games, DONT LOOK LOL

baroryuu

- when I started shipping it

oh god oh jeez. it was after I'd finished the games actually, I wasn't into it at first. I think fanfic converted me and now I'm feral LOL

- my thoughts

HHEHRHRHEHRHRHRHHRHGGGHRJRNNGGNGNGGNG

no but for real uhhhh I love them. there's something soooo chefs kiss abt this dynamic. I love when big scary guy is absolutely brought to his knees by a cute little weirdo who believed in him. saved him even. hhhrhrhrhhr they are special to me and I'm squeezing them

- what makes me happy abt them

well all of the above hdwjksjfjd but uhhh I love the growth of their relationship a lot, especially on barok's end like he realizes his behavior was shitty and is genuinely sorry for it, I love that he's not too proud to admit this. and ryuu is always so patient with him and insists that he's good even though he's treated him badly ouhghhgh they believe in each other!! wheeee

- what makes me sad abt them

the fact that ryuu had to leave ouhsgsgdjjdjff you mean you LEFT him ALONE??? hhfhdjskdj no I know he had to go it's important and I wouldn't change it but oouuuhh the heartbreak. i feel these long distance feels all too well ough

- things done in fanfic that annoy me

when someone makes ryuu like. too wooby. like turns him into a helpless damsel or some shit lol it is not my thing, I like him to have agency jdjwjdjd and don't like when he's made out to be like. an idiot lol. also in a similar vein don't like when barok is made into too much of an asshole, he's actually a kind person to most he's just a bit gruff and has a lot of walls up lol

- things I look for in fanfic

im a well documented dom ryuu enjoyer hdjsjskfjfj so that for sure (altho I don't mind any dynamic between them, I just prefer this lol) but also I like relationship reveal fics, love confessions, and anything where barok's softer side gets to peek through a lot <3 hehehe

- who I'd be comfortable with them ending up with besides each other

kazuma. lol he's just the other part of my ot3 tho hdjwkskfjjf

herlock with either of them is a fun time but I have a hard time seeing him w either of them longterm, I think vanlock are exes lmao and ryuulock probably was a fling at some point but I don't think they'd end up together

yeah it's basically just kazuma hfjwkqksjdkdk like as a longterm thing lol

- my happily ever after for them

as stated above my ot3 is asobaroryuu (any configuration of the ship lol) so I like the idea of them all moving to japan and doing law stuff together lol they have a big house and adopt a kid or two! as self indulgent as possible here jdskkskfjfjf

- who is the big spoon/little spoon

i think most of the time ryuu is probably the little spoon bc it's easier given the height difference lol but sometimes it's barok bc sometimes even a bad bitch needs to be held okay !!! and ryuu likes holding his big scary bf it makes him feel good too hehe

- what is their favorite non-sexual activity

self indulgent answer: cuddles

possibly more realistic answer but still self-indulgent: goin on walks together and talking about everything and nothing. while holding hands. also facing off in court, I think they'd enjoy being able to do that without any animosity between them

thank u im insane!!!!!!! anyways

barok van zieks

OH BOY OKAY OKAY OKAY

- how I feel about this character

[10 minutes of screaming, breaking glass noises, clown honks, car crash sounds, ripping noises, growling, whimpering, crying, insane laughter]

very normal.

I love him a lot and I never expected to going into the games!! bc I had only seen negative things abt him and expected him to be this irredeemable asshole. but no!!! he's literally a huge softie inside actually???? and like. care about truth and justice which is more than one can say for many aa prosecutors lol like he's probably the most competent of the bunch, he's just a cunt to ryuunosuke at first but he apologizes later 😭 also I love the fact that he has bats in his office like it's both a great supplement to his goth vampire aesthetic but also seems to imply he likes animals and I love to imagine him feeding his lil fruit bats hdjskdjfjf. also he's so fucking pretty and i would climb him like a tree. im incredibly normal about his tits. and thighs. anyway let's move on

- all the people I ship romantically with this character

ryuunosuke n kazuma, at the same time preferably lol. herlock, albert, and genshin get honorable mentions as ppl i think he may have had a thing for/with in the past but i don't necessarily see as a Ship for me personally lol

- my non-romantic otp for this character

i want to see the vanlock exes to worsties agenda lmaooo they are never getting back together but they are going to make each other's lives worsebetter forever <3

- my unpopular opinion abt this character

hes a sub. like at least as a strong preference jdjwkdjfj and also even in a non-sexual way, I think it would be a great de-stressing thing for him to let someone he trusts take over for a bit and take care of him, kinda just let his worries melt away. big praise kink and worship kink on this guy I think :3

- one thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon

i want uncle barok and iris interactions!!! he would be the best uncle he would spoil her rotten and she would let him lol

- my otp

asobaroryuu <3 I really think the three of them would balance out really well once they worked out their issues, baroryuu is my fav among the three pairings here n the only one that really stands on its own for me but I prefer them all together soooo much i don't like leaving kazuma out hes a little feral beast he spices up the proceedings lol

- my crossover ship

dont have one sowwy ;-;

- a headcanon fact

hes autistic. like holy shit. I saw this mans office w his constantly rearranged wine barrels and his specific custom made chalices n his whole like. aura. n was like aha. the tism. bdjskajxjdf but no fr theres more thn that that i cant think of now and i may be projecting here lol but that man is not neurotypical!!! :D

WAUGH tht was a lot lmaooooo

[enlighten3d]

so my second ask lmao. random oc things for i thought about them yesterday in class for too long tehehee

-Janette ended up in the city and lived with Josh for like, a couple months while she was getting settled and during that time she gave herself a buzzcut and fucked up (its ok she got a proper one later ajdhsk)

-Janette drunk a LOT of alcohol in her late twenties/early 30’s when she was in the city and now she is very careful about how much she drinks

-Josh tried embroidery and failed miserably (i’m projecting i can’t do embroidery/silly)

-Adele tried stand up comedy ONCE. since her friends dared her too. did not go well

Also. you said yesterday that you thought about c!adele and o!adele switching places and i have some thoughts on thaaat

Basically C!Adele would be mostly confused on why janette isn’t trying to kill her and even more confused when josh is like ‘hiii <3’ and gives her a hug like a normal one. not a awkward on both sides hug.

And O!Adele she would be STRUGGLING. She’d just keep asking ‘what did I do??’ which wouldn’t make any of the situations she ends up in any better andgsjhd

hi lark from a week ago;; thank you for the random oc things

janette with a buzzcut..... thats insane /pos. also janette and josh roommates ??? yo ?? 0: djfjd

yeah, rhats real of her... shes Learnt...

HE FAILED;; oh i feel bad for him bcs hes just a bit silly.. hed feel absolutely horrible about being bad at it and;; i hate rhat nothing sbout josh can ever be not sad (/silly and /pos actually. i love him but his suffering is delicious)

OH MY GODS ADELE DOING STANDUP. THAT WOULD BE HORRIBLE AUDJDJZJDFHS. shed be one of those standup people thst had the punchljnrs to alll their joked be violence and/or insanely convoluted to the point where theyre not even funny shfndj (to me at least)

!! oh ive thought SO much abt this too actually..

.. honestly. honestly. 'I'm a Serial Killer Who Ended Up in an Alternate Universe Where People Love Me?' (dont know if shes actually necessarily a serial killer; it just Fits). yeah thats adele but the thing is that THIS SOUNDS LIKE ONE OF THOSE ISEKAI WEB/LIGHT NOVELS THAT HAVE WAYYYYY TOO LONG TKTLES WJDJKXDJSK im noy wrong.. but also fr, she better ruin thst relationship ad fast as possible; c!adele does NOT deserve o!josh and o!janette (actually she doesnt deserve their c! counterpsrts eother, esp josh..)

NOOO O!ADELE.. THATS JUST SAD MATE. FUCKING SAD. "what did i do though??" IT JUST SEEMS LIKE SHES TRUING TO MANIPULATE NOOOOOO. NO. NO. THATS SO FUCKED UP BCS SHE SJUST CONFISED BUT HER PARTNERS AND LITERALLY EVERYONE HATES HER AND SHE DOESNT KNOW WHH.. (o!adele is definitely not a good person; she is a cop (im assuming thst doeent change? if it does, then i take this wjole statement back). but shes not WHATEVER THE FUCK C!ADELE OS...). no thsts not okay aaaaaa (/pos to all of this ahfjsjfk)

;;;;;;;;

[bunnihearted]

🕸️

[boypussydilf]

retching. i feel like i need a rewatch of the whole series of f&c in one go to fully cement my opinion without the weeks worth of 'over' hype and theorizing for the finale eps but at the same time the ending soured me so much do i. do i want to? but also i dont /want/ to dislike this thihng i enjoyed so dearly up to this point. man its so sad. a part of me knew that there's no way the finale could satisfyingly wrap things up in two eps but given how the series had gone on so far, 1/2

MANNNNNNNNNNNN 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

i gladly accept my inbox’s position as “support group for people frustrated and unsatisfied with the f&c finale”

Yeah like………. i could tell they were struggling a Little with pacing and being able to fit all the important parts of the story in. ep7 especially like, was a great episode but also some of the plot beats felt like they weren’t built up to properly, or they didn’t linger long Enough on important stuff - like, we only dedicate 2 seconds to the thing abt the star beinf like that bc shes a marceline who didnt have simon…… But i could forgive all that, bc they had a LOT of stuff to fit just into that one episode, and they still hit all the beats they needed to and told a sensible story.

So I thought….. even if they don’t have time to execute the ending perfectly, they can still get their idea across and have everything happen that needs to!

But then they decided to. Like. To some extent tell the wrong story. And DEFINITELY told it badly. There’s good things about the finale episodes, and some of the plot points are What Should Have Happened, but there’s …. just……… Fundamentally they failed to continue telling the same story they had been telling the entire show!!!!!!!!! fionna and cake writers sweeping the subject of simons mental health off the table at the last second to tell a story exclusively about 1 specific aspect of his relationship w betty as if the Life Lesson He’s Learning here has aaaaaaany fucking thing to do with what his story has been about SO far in the series

uuuuuggghhhhh yeah the ending just. soured the whole fucking thing for me. at the same time i still love the first 8 episodes theyre great but theyre better if you don’t know that THAT was what theyre building to. emotionally i dont want to rewatch eps 9&10 in full ever bc the concept of them makes me so upset but also it would be good to revisit the series and look at it from the perspective of knowing what they’re intending to do. i still definitely will never agree with most of the things they did. but i can at least look at it more analytically when im not seeing it for the very first time and dont know where its going. not yet though im still pissed LMAO

ifeel you man. i feel you. so much. we are in this together

[kuiinncedes]

bruh like

[jwowwsboobs]

is there any particular outfit piece that ur looking 2 get/is on your wishlist? if so what is ur plan with it & where would u wear it to

the most specific outfit piece ive looked 4 was a leather harley davidson halter top which i found THIS YEAR after abt a year n 1/2 of watching ebay listings n waiting but usually i try not to focus too much on super duper specific items of clothing cuz ill get fixated n do nothing else BUT look 4 it ... most of what i like is just casual clothing, jeans, tank tops n shirts cuz i do literally 3 things: eat, sleep, thrash, repeat. kidding LOL but i really just like being comfy. i do have a couple pieces like my beloved harley top tht i bust out 4 parties n that sorta thing (wore it when i played my last show lol) but other than that ... i am kickin it in my dirty ass sneakers jeans n a tank top LOL !! i always always always keep my eyes peeled 4 things tht remind me of my favorite parts of fashion from the 70s n mid/late 2000s (well like. 2003-12 tbh its not exactly pure mid 2000s cuz of my love 4 jersey shore n their clothes) !! that being said. the top 3 like...pieces im always keeping an eye n an ear 2 the ground (ebay) 4: (read more cuz there r pics <3)

lowrise jeans w fun things on the back pockets / butt, like these super cute jeans from red pepper !!

i love love love the look of big patches on jeans esp in the back i feel like its so playful n fun n a little sexy !! i dont like highrise jeans which totally bums me out cuz most of the flares i find / see r high rise n i exclusively wear flared jeans LOL ... like i said most of my style is pretty casual i am not usually putting in a ton of effort 2 look put 2gether n cute n whatever literally i just throw on jeans n a shirt i got at a show n call it a day but having jeans tht hv exciting details like this get me thru life fr <3 my favorite pair r my flame flares which u cn kind of see in my avi but some better pics r below. i wore out th first pair of them (below) n had 2 make another one but they r literally like. iconic 4 me im almost never not wearing thm. wearing them rn even !

2. vintage band shirts 4 bands tht i cant/wont see in concert ... rn the shirt ive been lusting after is this dope ass etown concrete (BEST JERSEY HARDCORE BAND WILL FIGHT 2 DEATH ON THIS) shirt thats got fuckin mike "the situation" on the back n it says "JERSEY CORE" on the front in the jersey shore font. i am literally so obessed w it u dont get it ... im praying itll still b on ebay in a couple months so i cn get it 4 my bday cuz i am. not prepared 2 drop 124 on a fucking tshirt. yet. but i will. i am not sharing pics cuz i am very paranoid someone will buy it out from under me so i am #gatekeeping. i promise its sick as fuck tho

3. nearly anything thts sort of r bikerish whether tht b theyre vintage or reprinted harley davidson shirts (like my BELOVED "put something exciting between yr legs" tank top) or just from a brand thts demographic is bikers (anjill or not has some CUTE jeans tht im infatuated w!! look at these blinged out jeans like omggggg ... so sad theyre out of the ones w angel wings on the back but honestly idrc im sure theyll come back lol)

4. pretty much anything they were wearing on jersey shore ... ed hardy, rush couture, affliction, yoga pants, furry boots, shirts w obnoxious sayings on them ... great 4 daily life, 4 shows ... rush couture is my fav honestly, i like the tracksuits they hv on their site rn but hvnt bought one yet n honestly probably wont 4 a while from the state of my bank account 😭😭 oopsie! but anyway yeah ed hardys great n all but ppl charge wayyyy too much 4 those jeans n same w affliction its so . ugh !!

5. n speaking of things ppl overcharge 4 ... of course. juicy couture anything !!!!!!! ive been on the hunt 4 an (affordable! please god) hot pink juicy tracksuit like the kind paris had in the 2000s just 2 lay around the house in LOL but im also carefully watching out 4 a daydreamer or just any of their cute bags cuz i love purses but i am pretty picky abt my juicy cuz its SO expensive. kinda hv 2 b tho n its worth it 2 b

thts kind of all i can think of. usually when i pop in the thrifts i look 4 shit like belts or necklaces or rings tht i dig but i cant wear rings or jewelry very much anymore cuz im either 1) at school or work (no jewelry policy <\3) 2) at house parties/shows moshing 3) laying in my bed recovering LMFAO. i also love looking 4 cheap cowboy hats cuz i LOVE a cowboy hat n i usually always end up giving it away 2 someone at a party or a gig LOL currently all out of cowboy hats but im gonna get some in january probably . idk. need 2 save my money LOL !!

[otogariado]

15 questions!

supposed to be 15 mutuals too but i'm still too shy to tag people on this blog BUT if you don't mind getting tagged in posts like this then feel free to like this post & i'll tag you in the future. teehee

i was tagged by @stripesysheaven 💖💖 thank you

1. are you named after anyone?

my deadname is probably inspired by some french royalty. i did nickname myself after a videogame protagonist though, even though i don't use that nickname much any more

wait actually i'm vaguely remembering smth abt my mom supposedly naming myself after a local actress. that works too if that's true

2. when was the last time you cried?

very recently because i was very sad. but also it's easy for me to cry bc of stuff i watch. i teared up during three different moments while watching the new puss in boots movie

3. do you have kids?

no. probably never. it's a very big responsibility

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

not a lot, just sometimes. usually just to be funny or when i'm ranting to someone abt an anecdote in private. i like making it apparent when i do though. "i DONT use sarcasm at all NOT using it right now. what makes you say that"

5. what sports do you play/have you played?

recently competed in badminton doubles!! with strangers i met like minutes before the matches started haha. we were short on people. i'm not Very Good at any particular sport but i'll play most things for fun. i miss doing frisbee class

6. what's the first thing you notice about other people?

i'm always So Scareds of people so it's hard to answer this question... probably the way they speak? i don't have to be looking at people to notice that

7. what's your eye colour?

almost black, deep brown thangs

8. scary movies or happy endings?

schmaltz forever

9. any special talents?

i can follow sheet music on the spot (just give me the pitch and i'm good) and i'm good at bullshitting melodies i've never sang before

10. where were you born?

born and raised and still here in the philippines

11. what are your hobbies?

watching shows and movies and getting incredibly emotionally attached to fictional characters and thinking about them too hard is my #1 hobby. aside from that i like listening to video essays/podcasts, drawing, writing... i also like walking. once i learn how to ride a bike i'd like to do that regularly too

i need more physical crafty hobbies, i just don't have the space/space management skills to do them rn... i used to do a lot of paper crafting as a kid

12. do you have any pets?

toothless is a... tuxedo cat? he's technically my grandpa's but i consider him my little guy too

they're my cousins' but i also live with two dogs :) toffee (middle) who is a very bitey puppy. he's aspin but he probably has some fancy breed in his blood or smn bc his fur is very soft. and betsy (right, jailed for crimes. she doesn't mind) is a shih tzu and they've had her for a few years now C:

13. how tall are you?

i hate checking my height cz i might shrink again. probably around 5'6"

14. favorite subject in school?

i loved math and science in grade school. in high school i enjoyed lit a lot more. pending answer for college lol

15. dream job?

my cousin once brought up the idea of us owning a bar/cafe/resto thing together. it would be nice!

[spaciebabie]

Hey Spackle you wonderful human being what's something normal you obsess over let's shift the focus huh

Sorry normaler than usual my bad

i cant shift the focus. look at my pfp. look back at me look in2 my eyes no dont fuckin do that. look back at you. walk 2 ur closest mirror. look at your hand. now look back at me. dont make eye contact. i wanna kiss him so bad dude.

anyway ive been thinking lately abt The Two Worst Siblings™ yk citrine and spinel and how they are a perfect reflection of everything they hated abt their parents. every microaggression. every passive aggressive remark. every outright argument. spinel was basically tasked w/raising 4 kids at a young age but being so young she understood nothing. she fell back onto old ways and was surprised when citrine followed the same path. she liked 2 think she had done everything right. she made sure they were fed, she cut off their parents, she got an incredible job so why was she still miserable? why was citrine miserable? she couldnt understand it was all so illogical. but she was never taught how 2 talk. and so her feelings, which came from a good place initially, bubble up and she gets so angry. angry at her parents, angry her family is sad, angry at citrine, angry at herself. b/c why cant i keep my family together like i used to?

it only made her angrier seeing citrine the sister she had so many late night conversations w/planning out their escape, making promises of "we wont turn out like them," turn out like this. this delinquent who failed guard training twice. what happened to cute agreeable citrine? what happened to the citrine that excelled at everything she did? what happened to teamwork? where did her sister go?

but it was spinel's fault citrine turned out this way. citrine is so incredibly aware of everything that happens around her much 2 her detriment. she cant really understand how 2 fix the situation she's in.

she's trapped. forever dependent on someone who is just as bad as her parents and no wonder, they come from the same blood. but so does she. does that make her a monster too? she caught her younger sister w/one of her e-cigs once and after ripping it away and yelling at her, demanding 2 know why she had done this, her sister through choked sobs said, "i just want to be like you!" but citrine doesnt even want to be like herself. shes a monster. she just yelled at her kid sister and made her cry shes a monster. why would anyone ever want to be like her shes a mess and shes ugly and disgusting and she smokes and fails at everything and she yelled at her sister and made her cry. what is wrong with me? i am a monster i am a monster i am a monster i am a monster

truly, nothing has changed. the chess pieces have simply been rearranged.