#i dont really want to think about what a nightmare last year's race was

[petit-papillion]

Charles during Media Day | Hungarian Grand Prix | 28 July 2023

📷 Scuderia Ferrari

[sofs16]

ripples in our love

part 1: paddock day , part 2: our leclerc win, part 3: our love in photos, part 4: our home — next

not proofread and lots of text / paragraphs ahead:)

“are you sure you don’t want to come with me” charles asked as he was putting on his shoes.

“charles, i’ve been with you all year and break, have fun with your friends.. just not too much fun” you laughed, clutching your robe closer to your waist as a shiver went down your spine from the ac.

“but i love spending time with you, amour” he sighed, standing up, holding your face between his palms, and kissing you.

“what, you don’t wanna drink and be manly?” you raised a brow “i mean… i do…” he thought about it “go” you whispered with a reassuring smile. you weren’t one for parties and a part of you was worried charles was being restrained to hang out with his friends because of that, so you encouraged him to have a night out before the races.

“i’ll be back by 12” he kissed you for the last time and you giggled “you better come back home to me, leclerc” you scolded “of course, where else?” and then the door shut.

2am, that’s what the time was. you were sat on the couch in your shared apartment. it was 2 hours since you saw that nightmare of a post. you have been getting multiple texts by the minute.

a part of you wanted to be childish and run away, never facing him. but that wouldn’t be right at all.

you heard the keys jingling on the other side of the door and heard a grunt and stumble. you gulped but trained your eyes on the tv, not really watching the episode of gossip girl.

“amour! you’re here!” charles replied with a cheer in a sluggish manner. he frowned when you didn’t turn around to look at him, or greet him with a kiss or hug as you usually did.

“amour?” he mumbled, stumbling over the couch, clearly drunk. his eyes lit up once they saw your face and he trained to kiss you but you held his face in between your hands before he could. “are you thinking straight right now, charles?”

no nickname. the gears in charles’ head weren’t fast enough at the moment.

“of course, let’s go to bed” he smiled “charles, you kissed another woman” you said quietly, as if you didn’t want to believe it

“No! That’s crazy. I only love you. You only. You’re my everything. I dont like anyone else. You’re my girlfriend. I’ll make you my wife one day” he said against your chest, shaking his head

you found yourself to be someone who cries when they’re frustrated or overly happy. “let’s talk in the morning and get you into bed, ‘kay?” you helped him up as he tried his best to sober up.

unlike the many showers you had together, you left him to shower on his own, making sure he was balanced enough before shutting the bathroom door.

the shower sobered him up quickly. cold water tricking down his body as he revisited the events of tonight. oh how he had messed up.

he stepped out of the shower to see his favorite shirt out, though all his favorite shirts were yours, it was his that was put out. he walked out of the bathroom to find you setting down the trashcan beside the bed, just in case.

“amour, can we talk please?” he held your hand but you dropped it. “tomorrow charles, okay? let’s get you to rest first” you pulled the covers over him, made him take headache pills.

“you… are not sleeping beside me?” he asked as you made your way to the door. “not tonight, charles” you whispered, turning off the lights and shutting the door.

though he was overthinking that night, the alcohol helped him sleep throughout that night, unlike you.

he woke up and frowned at there being no dip on your pillow and side of the bed. he rubbed his eyes, taking his cellphone and that’s when he remembered it all.

he jumped up the bed and rushed in getting the door open, in hopes to find you. you were sitting at the dining table, staring at the floor below you, tiredness evident through your eyes.

“amour?” you looked up “do you remember it?” you asked and he nodded, taking the seat adjacent to you. “why” you turned to him, swallowing the lump in your throat.

“i- i don’t know. i swear- amour i thought she was you” “i’m fucking blonde, charles” you furrowed your eyebrows

“you know how i am after i drink” true “i don’t- i don’t know what to do, charles” you shut your eyes closed

“amour please, you mean everything to me, you are my everything. if i could take it back or if i had stayed at home with you that night, i would. please don’t leave me” he held your hand quietly. you couldn’t say anything.

silence greeted him.

“tell me what you are thinking. call me names, scream at me, i do not care— just let me in” he asked.

when he said that, he thought you would burn him to the ground and pick on every flaw he had, even hearing you say you wish you had never dated him. your words… were not that.

“i think…im thinking if i’m enough for you” charles was shocked. “i think about all the girls you could have who are prettier, more famous, kinder, and everything more than i am but you’re stuck with me” you groan in frustration as tears start to well up. “and i can’t help but see you with someone else and it hurts” there they were, tears falling too quick for you to see. charles had never seen you cry, truthfully. “it hurts knowing— you could just leave me and maybe even be with that girl you were kissing last night” you sniffled

“yn,” he said quietly, wiping your tears away “i don’t want to be with anyone else. only you. and i don’t care if they are the models of the year or what. you are the prettiest girl to me and- i cannot let you think that low of yourself. i am so sorry, amour. please, let me fix this somehow. anything, i will do anything”

“i think i need space and time, charles” you looked up to his face. he knew if it weren’t serious right now, you most likely would’ve made an avengers infinity stone joke you were thinking about it, but no words came out

“i- yes. i understand. i’ll go out for a whil-” “i mean, i’ll go back to the house in paris for some while” “what?” his heart sank. “it makes sense right now charles. i need space to think and plus, i was going to go there anyways for fashion week” you rubbed your eyes.

charles knew your relationship with your parents were wobbly as you moved away from france to live in spain. but going back to them? that was how bad this was.

“are you breaking up with me?” he wobbled. “no, i just- i don’t know! i need to think charles” you stood up “please, yn! you- you are the only one for me please do not leave me” he pleaded hugging you from behind.

he hugged that girl from behind.

“you were in this position when you kissed her” you said quietly and charles shuddered at the thought of being with someone who isn’t you. “i’m sorry” you nodded and made a beeline to your bedroom.

30 minutes later you came out with 2 suitcases in hand. it was real. you were leaving. “will- will you be at the gp?” he asked quietly. maybe a little selfishly, but you were his comfort especially during nerve-wracking times like gps. you shook your head no. and he nodded, in understanding.

“do you want me to drive you to the airport?” he asked and you shook your head again. “good luck charles” you sighed, kissing his cheek. you meant for the gp— but so many things were going through his head. ‘good luck living a life without me’ was one of them.

yn.charlesupdate

liked by 2,438 others

yn.charlesupdate No yn at the paddock. Oh we’re done for. view all 7,337 comments

lestappen12 what did you think? she just saw the love of her life kissing another woman 2 days ago…

ferr4ribae im tired. august 25, 2024

charles_leclerc

liked by 3,449,494 others

charles_leclerc P2 for you :) Shame for what happened to Lewis on the first lap, we were lucky to finish the race even with the damage we had. See you next year, Zandvoort.

view all 2,484,399 comments

charlesyn17 He really got guts to post this like he didn’t just CHEAT on yn.

chachahaa cant believe you cheated on yn. she treated you like a king. that’s what’s a shame.

checheco1 Lewis deserved that P2 after what you did to yn.

nightleclerc … i can’t keep defending you charles

alphmercedez i hope you dnf 😊

august 26, 2024

yn instagram stories :

viewers — 3,595,606

❤️ charles_leclerc liked

❤️ maxverstappen1 liked

❤️ landonorris liked

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and 1,832,584 others liked this story

yns_love

liked by yn, and 473 others

yns_love yn actin like he didn’t just cheat on her… but ok mother we love& trust u and will stfu

view all 1,494 comments

august 30, 2024

yncharle

liked by 6,373 others

yncharle 2 races with no yn. charles p3. 2 weeks radio silence from yn. bye.

view all 1,474 comments

september 11, 2024

yn

liked by charles_leclerc, and 10,484,484 others

yn 💌

view all 2,585,686 comments

leclerc_pascale Beautiful ❤️

⤷ yn merci maman 😆

⤷ ynlelllerc STOP 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹😭

landonorris You look cool in that 3rd photo 😎

⤷ yn cuz i am cool, landito! like u😊

⤷ carlossainz55 thats not true

⤷ yn dont be mean carlitos, youre cool too🫀

⤷ wagsgrid her interacting with the grid is so wholesome 🥹

ynsbeaut SHES BACK BITCHES!!

[liked by yn]

dior 🤍

charlesbae jesus did she buy the whole dior show?

⤷ yn GIRL IM NOT THAT RICH 😭 it was for fashion week 🤭

chachaaaa Are she and charles still together?

16s55love why is she just ignoring what happened.. she seems unbothered, did she even love charles :/

⤷ yn we’re handling this privately so please respect that and dont make such assumptions. and i do love charles, dearly :)

[liked by charles_leclerc]

⤷ ynscharles I CANT. THEYRE MY PARENTS YOUR HONOR

softwags._ will you be at baku?

september 12, 2024

sharlie brown 🫀🏎️

august 21, 2024

sharlie brown 🫀🏎️

Amour, I am so sorry and I hope you know I never meant for this to happen and you are the only one for me.❤️

y/n/n🤪🤍💒

thanks charles but i just need time, okay? :)

sharlie brown 🫀🏎️

Of course, yes. I will just be messaging you every now and then, would that be alright?

y/n/n🤪🤍💒

mhm. good luck on sunday, charles

sharlie brown 🫀🏎️

Thank you, belle. I will do my best for you❤️

[yn reacted ❤️]

.august 22, 2024

sharlie brown🫀🏎️

Hi belle❤️ If I am being honest, I am nervous for tomorrow and I wish you were here. I hope you are doing alright there. [yn reacted ❤️]

.august 24, 2024

sharlie brown 🫀🏎️

hello ynn! I got P2 in today’s qualifying though I hope I can turn it into a win tomorrow. We miss you here at the paddock

.august 26, 2024

sharlie brown 🫀🏎️

Hello amour❤️ Remained P2 today but unfortunately took Lewis out:/ I’m sure I’ll be getting an earful from the Mercedes fans but it is alright. I miss you and love you

.august 28, 2024

sharlie brown 🫀🏎️

Hello, love! Thank you for the story you posted. I hope you are alright and doing well there. Don’t over work yourself, please. I have just landed in Monza and as usual, the fans are crazy! I wish you were here to feel the love they share for you as well. I miss and love you

.august 31, 2024

sharlie brown🫀🏎️

hi love:) I am quite stressed at the moment since the car engine almost gave in during the last turn. I feel it is my fault… anyways, I do not know if you have been watching. I hope you are doing alright. I love and miss you ❤️

september 1, 2024

sharlie brown 🫀🏎️

P3 today. Disappointed to say the least because if I pushed more I could have won for you.I saw on twitter you are in fashion week already?Do what you love:) ❤️

forgot to say hi… Hi! I love and miss you

y/n/n🤪🤍💒 Don’t blame it on yourself, Charles. You can’t always be perfect or always P1 even if you want to. The most you can do is try your best next time and enjoy. You’re world champion and leading the world champion points now:) Fashion week is stressful but I can manage. Stay safe, Charles. I love you.

september 3, 2024

sharlie brown 🫀🏎️

Hello my love, thank you. I really needed that. I wish I had replied sooner but I have been sleeping a lot.. haha. You will do great, I know you will. I love you, amour and miss you more than you know😘

september 5, 2024

sharlie brown 🫀🏎️

Hello, beautiful! How is France?:)

y/n/n🤪🤍💒

hi charles:) france is good as always

sharlie brown🫀🏎️

Amazing photos! I miss you and love you❤️

september 10, 2024

y/n/n🤪🤍💒

would you mind if i went to baku this week and we talked?

#SOF: thoughts? :)

thank u btw for all the support in this lil series<3

@glow-ish — your tag! lmk if you wanna be tagged in the next part! feel free to also send in messages thru the ask box hehe

[indigo474]

i made it through the day

I actually had a good day. i wasn't feeling tired at all and was starting to wonder WHY i wasn't tired.. I'm tired now. I did pricing today. It's an awful system-not fair at all. I get a commission for every account i renew to stay with company for another year. The higher my margins the higher my commission. My margins were very good today- by good i mean high- I feel bad-people dont know how they are going to pay their bill and i'm well-- i can offer you this outrageous price- the more i do it the more i get a feel for people. if i feel like someone is going to give me a problem, i'll start a little lower. I didn't invent the system- at the end of the day i gotta eat too. I do feel bad for people.. the little person does get screwed. I do like pricing-i could be a part of the pricing department and be done with the whole career progression - it's not my dream to become a supervisor. i want to make the most money i can make. Pricing is the department to make that money. So.. i don't know- for now i am helping out. i mean sure supervisor looks good on paper-i don't care about paper- i want to get out of this rat race- i certainly do not want to go somewhere else- unless $$$..

in my nightmare x found a joint in a cigarette pack that belonged to my son and was storming upstairs angry. I kept trying to talk but nothing would come out of my mouth. Ive been having a hard time lately coming to terms with what actually happened. I guess i have come to terms with things but it is STILL hard for me to believe how fucking evil he is. i shouldn't regret trying to help save someone's life. i did what i thought was right at the time. he hated me after that.. i exposed him. i blew it up. he didn't like that. but yeah i struggle coming to terms with reality that i got played by him. makes trusting myself hard. My mom had me laughing about the kitchen on chatham and how i destroyed it. i really did. i hope he has fun scraping the paint off of the cabinets and the counter. and that floor- i always hated it. i'll be ok.

I am so excited for out Blue Christmas themed tree. it's going to be amazing.

I was going to go for a run in the morning- nosleep- i was going to go tonight- i'm exhausted. I'm going to try again for the morning. it'll be dark and i hope i don't get killed. ill bring my license just in case. i'll leave my vape pen at home- i took it with me last time- just in case. I think i should take a self defense class. i was listening to a podcast and this guy was saying the best form of self defense are you feet. Like run away from whoever is trying to hurt you. he said most people believe if someone grabs them to start a fight or hurt them they are going to just freak out and hurt the attacher- that's how i feel-like i would fuck someone up- BUT most people have never been grabbed so they are at a total disadvantage, by the time they even figure out what is going on it's too late. Goodpoint-if someone grabbed me on the street or in the park i would have no idea what to do. i have mace but i don't even know if i'd be fast enough to use it-by the time i got it out of my pocket and turned the little thing and made sure it was pointed the right way all while holding my phone- i'd be dead. i'm also not going to worry about becoming victim. i should look into a class for me and MAds.

I started tracking my food- it really helps. even if i do get accused of being obsessed. i'm putting in the hard work and i want to see results. so here i am.

i like working from home.. if i never had to step foot into the office again-i wouldn't.

everyone is hush hush about their tree theme. i was messing around with the super how won last year- trying to guess her theme. she said i guess. i told her i wouldn't have to because i'd find the weak link on her team and they would tell me. she assured me no weak links. she was wrong. i found the weak link and know her theme- around the world- i feel bad that i know and don't have the heart to tell her. there's always a weak link-i hope it's never me.

[sugasthreedollarkookie]

Hey! I’m like in love with your stories so I NEEDED to ask you for a Peeta x fem reader where Peeta and the reader are on the victors tour and the reader ends up having a panic attack after seeing the face of a kid (like Rue) that died in front of her and after they get back on the train Peeta is trying to calm her down and to get her to breath, maybe after it’s over they go lay down and just a ton of fluff. I get Panic attacks so it would be nice to read this and see how Peeta would try to help. If you have time I would really appreciate this!

Pairing : Peeta Mellark x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Reader has panic attack, mentions of dead children, angst, slight gore, brutality, crying, survivors guilt, slight fluff, comfort, alcohol, mentions of a knife, blood, mourning family, if I missed any let me know.

AN: hey hey, this has been in my drafts forever. Sorry anon that it is so late. I have had a slight writers block. I'm not gonna lie I cried a little writing this. Not edited, so maybe I will in the future. As always comment, like, reblog, or dont its your life.

---------

I lean my head back against the cool leather couch. The train moves so smoothly below us it feels like we aren't even moving. Unfortunately, we are racing towards district 5. My head is pounding and it isn't even noon yet, it's not so much that I have a headache now, but I know I will soon.

The oncoming events of today are much less than pleasing. Cameras, flashing lights, but what I am least looking forward to, what makes me slightly shake and my mind start to fumble is having to face the families of the fallen.

They hate me, they hate us.

But they cannot do anything about it, I'm sure it is tearing them apart. It's tearing me apart. They will have to see my face every year, and it will all be brought back. The pain, the anger, the hatred for our country for making us do this. The hatred towards me for surviving.

And I shouldn't have survived. Not really. Peeta should have been the lone victor. He deserves to live. They all did. But there should have only been one. And it shouldn't have been me.

The door slides open, and in walks Peeta.

"Hey," He calls, walking over to where I am sitting.

"Finally found you, Effie's been looking for you. I didn't think your new hideout would be in the bar car though." He smiles, gesturing towards the array of alcohol and spirits.

"Yeah, well nobody else is ever really in here. You know how Haymitch likes drinking in his room." I laugh, before rubbing the sleepiness from my face and standing up.

I sigh, "I should probably go get ready. Effie is probably about to loose her shit looking for me."

He gives me a sympathetic smile, "Yeah, you have fun with that y/n."

His pretty eyes are alert. He knows what I'm going through. He is going through it too. He knows not to pry to deep. Not until I'm ready to share what I saw. I know he is going through a lot right now, and I'm sure that we will talk it out, explain to each other the things we did, had to think, all to survive. I'm sure it will be in the dead of night after some particularly hard nightmare when the only comfort that can be found is in each other.

I give him a small smile, before turning and sighing out the door.

I find Effie pacing my bedroom, her ridiculous neon purple wig flopping about.

She looks over to me as the door opens, before releasing a sigh and trotting over to me on the balls of her feet.

"Y/n! Where have you been? We need to get you dressed for the ceremony. As your escort it is my job," she smiles, breathing in deeply before exhaling heavily and continuing, "and my privilege to make sure that you go through your tour looking as beautiful as ever. This is the last the people of Panem will see of you and Peeta until the next games of course!" She says, not bothering to pay me any mind. Just going on about the dress and shoes she has chosen for me tonight.

Until the next games

The thought of that makes me want to hurl. We arent far from our next stop.

I let Effie dress me and prattle on and on about the upcoming finale of the tour at the presidents mansion. I zone out for most of it.

Effie has thrown me into a gold dress. Spaghetti straps and loose around the bust but tightens around the waist and poofs out until just above the knee, she has decided to leave my hair alone, thankfully.

She sets me down and applies weird products and substances to my face. I just keep my eyes shut until she tells me otherwise.

And then the next thing I know, i'm no longer on the train. I'm not even in a car.

I'm behind a set of closed doors in the district 5 town hall. It smells vaguely of iron and mold. The walls are sagging, there are paintings hanging up around the room. I'm sure they were once used to brighten the dreary building but have long since been forgotten. Layers of dust coating them.

I can hear our names being announced.

I look to my left, were Peeta is standing next to me and immediately grab his hand. The doors open and Effie gives us a discrete push towards the rows of district fives people. I step forward toward the group. And I am increasingly aware of Peetas hand in mine.

And then suddenly I am faced with the cameras and screens all capturing our faces. All but a few which hold the faces of the fallen.

Suddenly I don't feel well. I see him. A screen with a little boy with soft brown hair and light brown eyes. Nick. He was not more than 13. Underneath, on a pedestal are his family.

I can't breath. I clutch to Peeta, tears filling my eyes. But I cannot cry. I remember it all.

We were unlikely allies, he had been following me since day one. He had no other allies and we were both on our own.

After I was attacked by another tribute and hardly made it out alive scathed. He finally appeared and helped me out. We quickly became friends, and helped each other out. He healed me while I was injured, and I taught him things. We made plans to ruin the career pack, and carried them through.

It was a couple days after that. The careers were scattered throughout the arena, deciding that it was getting late in the game and that they should split.

Me and Nick were hunting. He was quite good with traps, he could make quite intricate traps. I was decent with traps, but nothing compared to Nicky. He was such a smart boy. The sweetest, he wasn't cut out for the games. And selfishly, I wished that we had never became allies. We both knew that only one of us would make it out. I had hoped that if I wasn't able to make it, he would.

We were just setting up for a fire, happy with all of the meat we had caught that day. He was out, collecting more wood while I skinned the rabbits. I was just finishing with one, when I heard his scream. I turned to the way he was and saw blood dripping down his chest. A girl with blonde hair holding the knife. He had only stumbled a few feet towards, before she shoved the knife deeper into his stomach. He had fallen to the ground, looking up at me.

I rushed to them. I don't really remember the specifics of the girl. I don't regret killing her. I regret not drawing it out more. I remember beating her, to the point of death and then finishing it. It had gone quite quickly in the spur of the moment.

Once she was dead and a canon had fired I had kicked her body away from us and rushed to Nicky.

He was breathing but faintly, hardly there.

I quickly kneeled next to him and brought his head to my lap. Tears in our eyes, he looked at me. His eyes, I'll never forget. They looked so warm.

"C'mon Nicky boy...don't cry, you'll be fine," I smiled at him. Tears dribbled down my nose and landed on his face.

I wiped my hands off on my jacket, they still had her blood on them and I wouldn't contaminate Nicky that way. I rubbed his head, and moved his hair away from his face, out of his eyes.

He smiled at me, "Can't help it much, my shoulder hurts," he laughed. His body shook with it. Tears rolling onto his cheeks. I wiped them away.

We sat there. I continued to put pressure on his wounds. But there were to many. She had stabbed him in the chest twice before he could even call for help.

"Y/n," he sighed out, his eyes looking up to me.

I sniffled, my throat was tight and I knew that I was going to be a sobbing mess soon. It was almost over and even then I wanted nothing more to get up and leave. I didn't want to have to see sweet Nick this way. But I wouldn't leave him.

"Yeah, buddy?"

He was serious now, he must have realized he had lost to much blood, his wounds too fatal.

He brushed my hand from were it was on his chest. My hand covered in his blood.

He paid my look of shock no mind.

"I need you to do something for me," his voice was weak, and his breathing had considerably slowed.

I didn't trust my voice. And to be honest I didn't even know if I could speak my throat was so constricted. Tears bubbled up and I wanted to cry like a baby. So I just nodded.

He sighed, "I need...I need you too let my family know that I tried," he closed his eyes softly, "I really did try," tear drops slid down his cheeks.

I nodded my head, and sniffed, "Sure buddy. I'll let them know."

He needed more than that though. He clutched at me hand, "No, y/n... You need to win. You need," he struggled a second, before coughing up some blood into his hand. "you need to let them know," He nodded along with his words.

I took a deep breath, trying not to sob. "I will. I will win, I promise," tears fell onto his face, "I'll tell them Nicky. Don't you worry."

He smiled up at me, tired. "Thank you Y/n. For everything.

Then he shut his eyes and never opened them. I sat there with him for a while after the canon fired.

I shouldn't have. I felt his body become cold beneath me. I cried until I was all cried out over him. Not caring if people in the damned capitol found me weak, or if they pulled their sponsorships. Sweet little Nick was gone. He would never open his eyes, never see his mom and little sister that he talked about with such love in his eyes. He was too young, and he died for nothing.

Then, I gently slid his head off of my lap and laid him down fully. I moved next to him and pushed his hair out of his face, and then I leaned down and placed a gentle kiss to his forehead.

I got up and walked away. And I didn't look back.

Under his screen, me and his mother made eye contact. She was beautiful, just as he had described her to me, next to her must have been his little sister, Livie. It was just them. Both with tears in their eyes, clutching onto each other. Her eyes, Nicky's eyes were hard as she stared at me. I couldn't look any longer, so I looked down at my sparkly shoes.

Peeta held my hand tighter, as I felt my eyes become watery. I bit the inside of my cheek, and held my breath slightly, afraid if I did I would start sobbing.

My feet fumbled forwards towards the microphone. Peeta held the speech cards Effie had given him tightly. His hands trembled a bit.

He knows how hard today is for me. He didn't know Nick personally. But I shared everything he had done for me with Peeta, everything he taught me and then I shared how he died. In a way Nicky had saved Peeta also.

I stepped up to the microphone, my hands unsteady. Peeta cleared his throat and started on with the stupid speech.

"Hello District 5. Today, we are here to honor the.... fallen," he started unsurely, "Nick and Lela gave up their lives to be part of something bigger. They made the ultimate sacrifice... for the good of our country," He stopped, took a deep breath, then crumpled up the paper and let it fall to the floor.

He sighed, before starting again. "The truth is, we don't want to celebrate. Lela and Nick lived their lives, and they were gone too soon," he looked to both Nicks family and then to Lela's.

I didn't say anything, I didn't want to look out into the crowd, afraid that my eyes wouldn't help but wander to his poor mother and sister.

"Y/n and I are both very sorry for your loss. It is hard to loose the ones we love... and even harder to try to stay happy. They gave up their lives involuntarily, so that me and y/n could be standing here today. That is a debt we wish we could repay, but never will be able to. Lela was brave, she scored high and made it to the final eight. Nick, he saved y/n. In turn saving me. To him and his family, specifically, we are tremendously grateful. Thank you."

Peeta finished his speech, before leaning down and whispering,"Do you want to say anything?"

I just shook my head, not really trusting my voice at them moment. And turned to the waiting doors, with Peeta's hand in mine.

But then I couldn't leave. Even though I wanted nothing more than to get through this stupid dinner with the mayor and then get back to the train and cry. I will do all of that, but I had to say some things first. For Nicky.

I quickly turned back to the crowd, Peetas hand falling from mine. Rushing towards to grab the microphone before I lost my nerve.

"I'm sorry." My voice was hoarse and broke at the end and it sounded so loud in the silent city square.

I found Nicks mom and sister, "I'm sorry."

Both were shaking slightly, holding each other in a death grip.

"Nick told me all about you both. He held so much love for you both, and I am truly sorry-" I took a deep breath, trying to calm my heart, "truly sorry that he went through what he did," my voice shook and my eyes were red with unshed tears.

Right now my speech is being broadcasted to every screen in Panem.

Peeta had come to stand beside me, putting his hand on my shoulder. "He was too sweet, too kind. He deserved so much more...and he was gone too soon," I met his mothers eyes and wiped at a stray tear that had fallen.

She was crying, her body rocking slightly as she clutched Livie to her body. She was crying also.

I sniffed, "Without Nicky, I don't think I would have made it out. I'll never, not if I lived a million lifetimes be able to repay what he has done for me."

I nodded my head, tears cascading down my face.

"If-" I sobbed slightly, before holding my breath, once I felt more under control I continued, "If I hadn't made it back, I had wished that he did. And if I could change what had happened I would. The guilt is unbearable," I shut my eyes before taking another breath.

"But you both must know that we tried. I truly did try to save him, and I failed. I have to live with that. Nicky... he tried too, he wanted nothing more than to go home. To be with you, his people," I addressed district five now. My face was blotchy, tears were all over my face, making it sticky and wet. I wiped the bottom of my chin quickly, from where they had all pooled.

My throat was constricting and it felt as though there was something stuck in it. "I don't like talking about what happened, and I'm sure you would rather do anything right now than have to relive this. For that I am also sorry. But I promised Nicky that I would tell you. If there was more I could do for you I would, but I think this is- " I couldn't hold it in anymore. I started sobbing, weeping sounds leaving my mouth.

Peeta grabbed my hand, and with one last look to Nicks family, I pushed my head into Peeta's chest, Not wanting to come out, and not caring if my makeup smudged or if I got some on his shirt.

Without skipping a beat Peeta jumped in, "Which is why we will be donating one month of our earnings every year for as long as we shall live to Nicks family. Thank you." The crowd gasps as he finishes, before smiling and gently steering me to the waiting doors and into the sagging building.

I sobbed into his side as the doors slammed behind us.

I move to hug him fully, sobbing into his chest. My whole body shakes as he rubs my back, cooing at me softly.

"Shhh, shhh," he sighs, like you would a baby.

I can't breath suddenly, this dress is too tight, my throat is closing in on itself. I'm gasping for air, it wont come. I feel as though I will pass out. My heartbeat is too loud in my ears, my breathing too fast. My body is making it up for the lack of oxygen. I am going to pass out.

All I see is Nick. Sweet Nick laying dead in a pool of his own blood. My hands covered in it, his beautiful brown eyes full of light, now dull and lifeless.

He hates me. It's my fault. I can't see. I can't hear. Suddenly I'm on the ground. Peeta kneeling down with me, holding me.

Haymitch is next to me, I look to him. But its like white noise. I can see him talking but I can't make out the words.

My heart is thumping frantically. I see her. The girl I killed. She is bloody and broken on the ground. She hates me too, I hate her.

Then my hearing starting fading in and out and I can finally hear a bit.

Peeta, his eyes frantic. Looking at me, slightly panicky, "Y/n! Y/n, can you hear me? Breath y/n. Breath!" He tells me, holding onto my shoulders.

Haymitch is kneeling next to me also, rubbing my back slightly.

I listen to Peeta, trying to focus on my breathing pattern. In, out, in, out. My heart rate is still frantic. I look around the room, Effie is standing a few feet away, her hand over her mouth in what I can only imagine as shock and pity.

The mayor of district 5 is also there, looking quite freaked out next to Effie.

A couple Peace Keepers stand around us.

"C'mon Y/n, chill out." Haymitch whispers to me.

"Breath baby, just breath," Peeta whispers soothingly to me.

I shut my eyes, focusing on my breathing. I feel Peetas hands on me, holding me still, rubbing soothing circles on my waist and shoulder as he tells me to breath, that everything will be okay.

This is the norm for a few minutes, once I get my breathing patters in check, I have stopping shaking and my heart doesn't feel like it will explode I collapse into Peeta, worn from today. My hair sticks to my face as I hiccup into his chest.

Haymitch is now up and talking with Effie about how we should head back to the train.

"Why, we can't just leave. They have prepared all of this for them. It is insanely rude to the people of district five. I won't have it." She quips in her accent, hands on her hips.

"Effie, would you look at the poor girl? She just had a damned panic attack. Today is too much for her. You can stay here and dine with the fine officials of district five if you want. But we're going back to the train." He argues, throwing his hands out to his sides.

"I agree with Haymitch. Y/n has been through enough today." Peeta speaks up, before looking to the Mayor of five.

"Sir, we are very sorry, but we cannot attend dinner tonight."

The mayor, who still is a bit weary from what has taken place quickly agrees, "Yes I think that is wise."

Peeta gets up first, before helping me up. He wraps his arm around me, tucking me into his side as we walk towards the back entrance where the train is waiting.

Haymitch walking behind us. We can hear Effie frantically apologize to the Mayor before running after us. Her shoes clicking down the long hallway.

Once inside the train car, me and Peeta fall into the couch. He still holds me. Afraid that I will have another panic attack. Haymitch goes to the spirits cart on tbe other side of the lavish car. He pulls out a bottle of some kind of brown liquor.

He gives me a look, gesturing to the bottle.

I nod and that is good enough for him because he takes two glasses, each with ice and then puts the liquor in them. He walks over to where Peeta and I sit and hand me one.

He gives me a pitiful look. Like I'm a puppy.

I sniffle and take it, downing it quickly. It stings my throat on the way down and makes my stomach feel warm.

I quickly stand, before walking to my room.

"Thanks for the drink," I deadpan over my shoulder.

I hear Peeta behind me. At the end of the hallway is my room, I walk in and leave the door open for him.

Once he shuts it I start getting dressed, stripping down to my underwear before climbing underneath the covers.

He does the same, getting rid of his suit quickly before falling into bed next to me. He scoots closer to me and gently wraps his arm around me, pulling me to his chest.

He rubs my head lightly, moving the hair out of my still blotchy face. Before giving me a very gentle kiss on the forehead.

"Are you alright?" He asks softly after we have laid in silence for a while.

I respond after a minute, "No...are you?"

"No."

I smile up at him softly, before kissing his neck.

"Okay."

Then we both softly cried, holding onto each other. For Nick, for the other fallen, for our country.

And afterwards we fell asleep, content with letting out our emotions that we have been holding in since the reaping.

[kashimos-hajime]

gold dripping down your wrist (2/8) | r.b.

summary: His breath flutters against your skin, and you wonder if he feels your heart tripping over in your chest. Or, despite every instinct telling him to run, Reiner gives in.

WARNINGS: ptsd nightmares, swearing, slight angst, otherwise,,, hmmm relatively unscathing besides a whole lot of yearning. dont worry next chapters will be sad as hell! pairing: reiner braun x fem!reader word count: 5.4k

a/n: hehehe biting my lip like a chad for isabel ( @luciilferss​ )

masterlist

crossposted on ao3 x

Shooting up in a silent scream, your hand flies to your neck as the last remnants of your nightmare dissipate. Breath coming in sharp, rapid inhales, you glance around the barracks and find no one else awake. Soft snores fill the room, and you shake your head to yourself, rubbing at your eyes.

No good to fall back asleep, now. 

Your entire body covered in cold sweat, you pluck at the front of your shirt, fanning yourself out as you swing your legs off the bed. A chill travels up your pants and through the holes of your shirt as you glance out the windows. Lunar light is streaming through but the moon itself is already fading. You get up, meandering over to the windows to look out. Some of the Scouts are on guard duty, as always, but other than that—tranquility.

So weird to think they have that when outside the walls, it’s a lawless land. 

Leaning forward, you move until your nose nearly touches the glass, and someone else in the room shifts with a grunt. You look over your shoulder, trying to decipher the shadows when a rough voice calls out right next to you. 

“Creampie?”

Slapping a hand over your mouth so you don’t scream, you look down. Reiner.

“What are you doing up?”

“Did I wake you?” you question warily, and he leans into the moonlight, squinting at you as he rubs at his face. Shaking his head briefly, he studies you with a narrowed glare and you almost want to shift back into the shadows at the perpetually annoyed expression on his face but you’ve learned that he just looks like that. “You can go back to sleep.”

“Are you cold? You look like you’re shivering.”

“No, I’m okay.” Liar. You think even your bones are chattering. 

He sits up, tossing his blanket off. “I can get you another blanket from the supply closet,” he mutters wearily. Standing, he pushes himself up and nearly into your personal space but he stops right in front of you, placing a hand on your shoulder. “C’mon. Back to bed.” He flashes a quick smile before brushing past you and words bubble inside your throat as you turn to watch him sink back into the darkness.

You whisper after him: “I had a nightmare about Marco.”

It is all it takes to make Reiner freeze. He turns around immediately, and you see his eyes before anything else. Wide with guilt, with grief. You lower your own head in shame.

“I’m sorry. I know I should try to move on, but he died all alone. It’s all I can think about. He must’ve been so scared” Keeping your tone as quiet as you can, you turn your face back to the night as he returns to your side. You stare at the stars and point absently at the one twinkling down at them both. “This older kid at the farm used to tell me all that every new star is another soul joining the heavens. Do you think…” Your arm falters and a weak sigh pushes past your lips as Reiner catches your falling hand in his own. You feel the calluses on his palms against your fingers as you swallow tightly. “Maybe that one is Marco?”

Your fingers interlace with Reiner’s as he wraps an arm around your waist, and you let him pull you towards him as he presses a rough kiss against your brow. The motion makes your entire being freeze in motion as he sighs, lowering his head. His breath flutters against your skin, and you wonder if he feels your heart tripping over in your chest. The tip of his nose brushes along your forehead, before he lets go of your hand, and you feel like ice digs into the fingers when his heat leaves. His arm around your waist falls and your head ducks.

The moment’s passed.

“That’s a good way to see it.” Stepping away, you watch his figure slouch, the way his shoulders cave in, and you can’t help the next words that come out. 

“I miss him. All the time. Him. And Thomas. Mina. Like they’re watching me on my shoulders, weighing me down. I can’t see them,” you continue, “but I feel them. All the time. I’m doing everything wrong and I’m letting them down.”

“Hey, don’t think like that,” he commands sternly, eyes flashing up to meet yours. It’s chilling, how much you’re inclined to believe him, but you don’t even nod as he grasps your shoulder. “You did what you could, alright? You just keep going, one foot in front of the other. You were one of the best in our class.” 

“I wasn’t even top ten,” you snort.

“Grades doesn’t make a soldier. Annie should’ve told you that it was all bullshit,” he says and you wince to yourself, lips pressing together You know he’s partially right, but you don’t have the strength to argue the rest. Guiding you back to bed, Reiner gently pushes you back down onto the cot and you fall back, lacing your fingers over your stomach. 

Craning your head up at Reiner, you look at him looming over you, silhouette outlined in silver. He stares down at you, his expression shrouded, and you wonder what he’s thinking in that mind of his.

Your hand lifts from your stomach, and taps on the open space beside you. A soft thump-thump, like your pulse, like an invitation. 

He turns away to glance back at the bed, and the moonlight hits his pale face blindingly. Squinting, you try to discern what emotion plays at his face as a sinking sensation begins to drag at your insides.

He’s going to walk away, a voice inside crows. Who do you think you are? Seducing the guy you have a crush on? As if.

You want to take it back. Excuse it as a moment of weakness. A brief, Can we forget I just did that? They could just move on with their lives knowing some lines are better left uncrossed.

But then, there is a weak: “This one time, alright?” 

Every word turns to dust in your mouth.

He turns back to you before you can respond and crawls into the space next to your own. Your heart lurches in your chest as he settles beside you with a silent groan.

He lifts an arm and you scoot closer, your head resting on his shoulder. Ear pressing into his chest, the soft thunder of his heart fills your entire body as he pulls you tight. Glancing up at him, you watch as his eyes slide shut tightly.

Your own face crumples and you bury it in his chest. “She’d say,” you continue on quietly, “that the the brightest stars were the fiercest warriors.” He stiffens as you twist the fabric of his shirt in a tight fist and your stomach twists as you try to find the words. The shadows are closing in on you, and you can only anchor yourself to the arm swathed around you as you whisper his name. “I was pretty much all alone after she left to find work a few years back. It’s part of why I joined the corps, but I heard she’s back there, now, and—”

“Don’t. Don’t tell me.”

What? 

Head jerking up to look at him, you meet a strong jaw clenching in a sharp scowl. His hand on your arm traces smooth circles and a drowsiness begins to flood your senses as he lets out a soft groan, rolling onto his side and pulling you flush against his chest. A leg slipping between his, you tilt into his chest as his arm wraps around your waist and it’s so tight you can barely breathe. Your arms crushed between their chests, your fingers twist the collar of his shirt and your nose brushes his chin when you shift against him.

“It just makes all this harder,” he explains hoarsely. 

A heat blooms in the small distance between their bodies as you nod. You understand. 

The wooden bedframe creaks beneath their weight as the hand on your back migrates to your shoulder blade and he buries his face in the plane of your shoulder. The searing skin of his temple against your jaw and your stomach in knots, you nuzzle yourself closer.

“I really am sorry for waking you,” you whisper, freeing your arms so you can loop them around his neck, thread your fingers in his hair but he doesn’t acknowledge your words. Their every breath is shared, and you swear their hearts are touching through the thin walls of their skin and sinew.

A gentle wave crashes over you when he hooks his fingers onto your shoulder, so unbearably close that you wish he’d either come closer or push himself away. You want to sink into his chest, hold onto him for the rest of the night as your eyes begin to flutter shut. His arms tightening around you, you think for a moment, you can finally relax. He’s just so warm.

“I know since Annie joined the MPs, there’s a sort of emptiness in you. You miss her. I get that.” Reiner lifts his head, arms withdrawing a bit. “I’m okay with you using me to fill whatever space she used to, but I can’t—” You hear a soft inhale above and you look up. You wonder if he can feel your racing heart under his palm. He’s already looking at you, and when your eyebrows rise in silent question, he shakes his head and looks away, lips curling into a scowl you barely see in the darkness. “I can’t.”

You can’t what, Reiner? Why won’t you look at me?

Then, he shivers, eyes shutting tight as he ducks his head again, and his cheek presses against your temple. Your eyes widen when his arms seem to pull you infinitely closer. “Shit.” More softly to himself: “Never mind. I’ve gotta go back to my bunk.” His breath is warm against your skin. A shudder shoots through you. “I can’t sleep in your bed.” A squeeze of your waist. Your leg slides against his thighs and he only hugs you tighter. “This isn’t right. I shouldn’t—”

“I’ll let go in a minute,” you tell him softly. 

Hs hand flattens along the top of your spine, spreading as if he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he doesn’t catch you. Cradling your head, his hand burns your skin.

When you wake up, it is alone to a mattress underneath your back, but Reiner waits until everyone leaves the room before he kisses your cheek good morning. It’s a one-time occurence, you know, but still, it’s nice.

.

Walking towards the edge of the internment zone, Reiner spots the newspaper cart milling with people, no doubt buying the new papers relaying the Marleyan victory in Fort Slava. The crowd is cheering to one another and his hands roll into fists as the line shifts forward. Meandering nearer, he can’t help but think of Paradis.

It was nothing like the hell they’d described. There were just tall walls, and people. Sure, they were behind a couple of years, technology wise, but they were relatively the same.

One thing that’s different though, was that there had never been the need for papers within the Walls. And if there was news to relay, you would come with the fresh news from Section Commander Miche, or Captain Levi. He’d always read your face as you gave the news—if your eyes still had a spark in them, that meant it had to have a hint of good news.

And you had been so relieved once you reached Utgard Castle you had hugged him so tight that he couldn’t breathe when he caught those eyes glimmering in the dawn. He remembers holding you tight against him with his ‘uninjured’ arm and the way you had just…

You had gone to him first. Not Bertholdt, not Connie.

Him.

And he had gone to you first, when he had seen you swaying in your seat atop a horse who hung his head low. He couldn’t even remember anything else, except seeing you and breaking away from his group, galloping towards you and Bertholdt. You were bloody, a corpse sitting up—his entire body had felt his heart drop into the depths of his stomach, the seizing in his gut. Even after he had thrown your confession into the dirt, stepped on it, told you it couldn’t be—he had betrayed that all in an instant seeing you with Death’s hand on your shoulder.

Shit.

He used to be so much stronger. How else could he still let you go for a mission that’s brought him nothing but ghosts?

“Excuse me.” The words pull out of his mouth as soon as he feels someone collide with his arm. Something falls and his hand shoots out to catch it before it can crash to the ground, his other hand grasping onto their bicep. Paper crunches and he straightens up, immediately finding who he bumped into. Purple hat shrouding a ducked head, she doesn’t look at him, frozen in space. You, he thinks dazedly. You again. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going,” he continues quietly. “Are you alright?”

A short nod, and then she breaks off, clamping a hand over a plum sleeve where a white armband rests, taking off past him, back deeper into the interment zone. Reiner glances down at his fist, at the paper still clutched tight in his own fist, and his head shoots back up to search for the figure.

Gone. Shit. How did they even disappear so quickly? The road behind him stretches for a distance that would take more than two damn seconds to cross.

Fitting a palm to his brow, Reiner’s expression tightens as he looks down at the paper and he sighs, whipping it open to the sight of their so-called victory.

He’s seeing things. He’s… he’s just tired, and tormented. That’s all. Even the letters of the paper look a bit strange to his straining eyes, and he sighs, lifting his head again to look at the empty road behind him.

.

“This is really crunchy,” you mumble. Krista smiles, pleased. Swinging the axe you’d been using to chop wood into the stump, you swallow and set a hand on her blonde head, rubbing it fondly before taking another bite. “Where’d you get this? We haven’t gone to town this week.”

“Bertholdt, Connie, Sasha and Armin went to go pick some fruits surrounding headquarters while Eren trains. I thought I’d bring some back for you gys.”

“That’s nice.” You grin, taking another bite and letting out a noise of surprise when juice dribbles down your wrist. Good thing your sleeves are rolled up. “You should take one to Captain Levi. I think apples are his favourite.”

“How do you know that?”

“Who doesn’t like apples?” 

Krista shrugs as another shape lumbers over to you.

“What’s going on over here?”

“Reiner, catch.” You grab an apple from Krista’s basket and fling it at the guy who catches it easily with a grin. Taking a bite, his eyebrows rise and you laugh as a delighted expression spreads over his face. “Good, right?”

He nods. His whole body is coated in a fine layer of sweat, the evidence of his labour staining the front of his shirt as he stops next to you. Your heart stutters at the heat radiating off his skin as he looks at Krista. His shoulders rise and fall with his breath, and you swallow to yourself, taking another bite of your apple so you have an excuse to keep your mouth shut.

“You should bring some to Eren and the others,” he suggests. “They’ve been working hard.”

“I will.” Smiling charmingly, the blonde girl adds that there’ll be some left in the mess hall later and waves, departing. You watch her go with another crunch of your apple and you let out a small sound when golden juice dribbles down your wrist. Without thinking, you lift your arm to your mouth, sucking the trail off before it can continue down to your elbow. Something burns into your cheek, and you turn your head.

Catching Reiner staring at you, a mortified feeling strikes through you and you let out a choked sound, dropping your hand. Averting your eyes, you stammer, “Sorry. Habit. Not used to people watching me eat. Mostly ate during work hours back home, so…”

His lips pull into a flustered smile. “N-No. That’s fine. You worked on a farm, right?”

“Yeah. With other orphan kids.” It was so lonely. You look up at him bashfully and he rubs the back of his neck with a hand as he bites into his apple. Unable to help the pleased tone seeping into your voice, you say, “You remembered.”

“Of course I did. You mentioned it,” he replies, waving it away, looking away. His face is red, and you squint against the sun. “You said there was an older kid there. Talked about the stars.”

“Yeah. Yeah, she was like family. Until I joined the corps and met you, Bertholdt, and Annie, that is. You guys just… I dunno.” You rub your elbow, smiling at him. “Times like these make me miss Annie. She’s a better friend than everyone gives her credit for, y’know? We always said when the time came we would work together in the MPs.”

“Uh-huh.” Reiner looks away, eyebrows furrowed together. “It’s getting hot.”

“Yeah.” Your brow crinkles but you let his diversion slide. “We should take a break.” You gesture to the shade nearby and he takes the lead, heading over to collapse against a tree. You rotate the apple between your fingers, you take another bite, nose wrinkling as a wind sweeps against your face.

They continue to eat in silence, not much to be sad. Your heart begins to slow, even as Reiner shifts closer, one of his knees bent, the other crooked flat on the cool grass. Smiling to yourself, you just watch the sun touch everything you can see, and in times like this, of absolute nothingness, you can finally remember how beautiful the world is. 

The sky is blue enough to drown in, the clouds are infinitely fluffy, and the grass gleams white underneath the heat. Even if you’re sweating your skin off, the wind is cold like a kiss, and you feel a delighted shiver course through you.

“It’s so beautiful,” you sigh. “The world. I wish we could see more of it, but what we have here… I think I take it for granted. How truly perfect it all is.”

“Yeah.” His voice rasps against your ear and you inhale the summer wind deeply once again, feeling it fill up your entire chest. “I think I do, too.”

Looking at Reiner, your lips part in a response before rough fingers cradle your chin and tug you forward. Apple core falling to the ground, your arms crumple against a strong body and you barely resist holding him with your sticky hands as a mouth presses against yours. Body melting against his own, your stomach flutters and you let out a soft moan as his hand travelled along your chin to cup your face, thumb stroking your cheek. His other hand rests on your knee and your eyes slide close as a tongue traces the seam of your lips, dips in tentatively. Arm wrapping around his neck, you pull him in deeper by the crook of your elbow and sigh into his mouth.

The soft warmth floods your entire body, cools you down somehow, and you swear you can’t feel the ground beneath your legs. Hours seem to pass—the gust caresses your sweaty skin, the leaves seem to chime. 

It’s idyllic. 

It’s perfect.

It’s only a few beats more before he draws back sweetly, hand falling away from your face and he searches your expression.

“You, uh, missed a spot,” he whispers hoarsely, clearing his throat and drawing back. Smiling dopily to yourself, you wipe at your mouth with the back of your hand but not even that can erase the tingling sensation spreading through your face. Looking into your lap, you chew on your bottom lip, trying to prevent the ginormous smile from spreading while he leans back against the tree, looking out into the distance.

“Hey!” Heads jerking up, the two Scouts spot Ymir glaring at them by the entrance to the headquarters. “Didn’t know some of us were having a day off!”

Mikasa carries a near-passed out Eren into the building while Section Commander Hange and Section Commander Miche wave them, gesturing for them to come back in. You sit up straighter and Reiner lets out a displeased grunt as you tear up some grass by your leg.

“Get that wood and get back in here,” Miche calls. “That’s more than enough for the week.” You find yourself nodding as Reiner pushes himself to his feet and you look up as he walks back into the sun. Their superiors head in, but Ymir lingers, watching them, and you stare back until she seems to let go of her crossed arms, shake her head, and turn back inside.

You blink. Scrambling after Reiner, you catch up with him and wait to see if he’ll see anything. When he only steps towards your pile of firewood and slings the frame to hold bundles of firewood in onto his back, your hand shoots out before you can stop yourself.

He stiffens at your touch.

“Shouldn’t we talk about what just happened?” you ask quietly, a swirling sensation swimming in your chest. Confusion tinted everything as Reiner pauses, glancing at you out of the corner of your eye. “We… kissed just now.”

He ducks his head, lips curling back in a grimace. “Yeah. We did.”

Pangs hitting your chest, you take a step away from him as he bends down to collect the firewood. The sun’s already beating down on the back of your neck as you glance at the pile of wood. “Do you not like me?” 

“What?” He freezes mid-way through grabbing another bundle and you busy yourself with slinging your own carrier onto your back. Your body is burning, and it’s not because of the sun.

“I like you, Reiner, but… if you don’t like me, then I’m okay with pretending that never happened.”

“Of course I like you. You’re a great friend and soldier and—”

You shoot him a furtive look before putting it bluntly: “I like you in the way that I want you to kiss me like that all the time.”

The silence that follows will haunt you for the rest of your life. Your heart pounds in your skull, echoing like the sound of death drums before his shoulders slouch forward and he sighs heavily. You stand upright, head tilting and he grabs the back of your neck and pulls you towards him.

This time, it’s almost devouring the way he kisses you—messy, and warm, and his thumb brushes the underside of his jaw as you bend into his chest, your hands fisted, twisting his shirt at his waist tightly and you barely hear the words he murmurs into your mouth over the pounding of your heart.

“You’re so pretty—“

Panting, he kisses you again and again as you crumple in his arms and you can’t help the stupid smile on your face as you kiss him back, quick punches that last an eternity until they rip themselves off each other. More, Reiner stumbles back, and you tear yourself off of him, just so they remember how to breathe.

Your lungs scrambling for air, your fingers press against your mouth as your gaze falls to the firewood, and Reiner’s heavy breathing can be heard just a few feet away as he falls to his hands and knees. Watching him, your heart cracks into pieces, and there’s a sinking sensation in your stomach. 

Reality slams into you like a fucking horse.

“We shouldn’t,” he whispers hoarsely, fingers digging into the dirt. Your eyes wrench to him and he looks up at you harrowingly. “We’re soldiers. We shouldn’t. We could die tomorrow, next week on that expedition even, and this would be for nothing.”

Falling to your knees, you glance down at the dirt. “I like you.”

“You shouldn’t.” 

You clench your jaw. Your gut cramps as you stare blankly at the grass. “So… what now?” you ask, chest lurching. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“I know. I just…” A harsh swallow. Your breath burns in your chest. A strange pain stitches into your ribs. “We should stay friends.” Everything inside you drains, and you nod, eyes not rising. Your lips still tingle with the sensation of his mouth against your own, and you swallow the hard knot in your throat, but it only lands like a boulder in your stomach. “It’ll hurt less.”

I don’t think it will, you want to argue. I’ll still want you just as much as I do now.

But you don’t say any of that aloud. 

Instead, you try to make it sound joking as you murmur, “You’re the worst.” You flash him a quick smile that you hope dulls the edge of your words, but he merely looks at you numbly.

For a moment, Reiner’s hard frown slips into something more fragile, and he turns away with a hard swallow, whispering out a soft, “I know,” as he gets to his feet and gathers the rest of the firewood. Once his load is on his back, he half-turns to you and he looks at your hands rather than your face. “I’ll see you at the meeting.”

You wait until you can’t hear his soft footsteps cushioned by the grass until you pull yourself together. Lifting your face to the sun, wind chases away the heat clouding your cheeks, and soothes the swollen skin around your eyes.

Grabbing the wood, you rub at your face with the back of your hand and when you get back inside, Connie doesn’t seem to notice anything wrong.

.

Reiner pays the vendor and looks at his cousin, smiling uneasily as she bites into the sandwich. He wouldn’t have much more for the day if they kept going at the pace they’re going, and although he doesn’t mind (not that he could say no) a part of him just wishes he could go home. But Mom had insisted so Gabi could have some supervision and that he needed to get out, she wasn’t getting any younger and he’s so glum! 

“You need to find a nice girl, Reiner.”

He doesn’t know what about his appearance when his mom walked into his bedroom screamed romance, but apparently it was what she read between a soaked shirt and wide eyes and pale skin. 

He’d woken up in a cold sweat, as he does most days, but this time it’d been haunting.

Because it wasn’t flashes of blood, screams, the glint of metal underneath the grey sun. There was no yellow lightning, no deafening crashes.

It was almost like it wasn’t a dream. Trost had been so real, alive around them as you paid for the honeycomb and as you snuck a bite while you thought he wasn’t looking, he remembered…

The way his heart fluttered, the way he couldn’t stop looking you. There was not a moment he remembers your hand was far from his, when their elbows did not brush, when they left each other for a moment. When did he ever stop thinking about your hands, your laugh, the way you could send him into a flurry thinking what every other word you said meant?

“Reiner? You coming?”

Blinking, he looks over his shoulder to see the others already moving on. Pieck lingers near the back of the group, tilting her head at him and he clears his throat, pocketing his wallet and walking towards her.

He never meant for this. You were never meant to be more important than him than breathing. How does he carve away the prints you’ve left on his lips and eyes? Does he even want to? It’s hard to decide. 

Sometimes, he wants to scratch you out of his brain just so you can stop laughing at him. Other times, he wishes he could dig inside his skull and put the memories together in a collage the shape of you just so he has someone to talk to.

“This is so good!” Gabi cries out as Porco sets a hand on her head and Reiner suppresses the smallest smile teasing at his mouth, but it feels tired, and he lets the urge melt away easily. Walking after them slowly, he watches the festival around them, so loud with clowns and buskers and people just talking to one another that it makes his head pound.

His legs feel like they’re about to give up, and his head is heavy as he trails after them. 

“Eat slower,” Pieck censures as they migrate through a thicker crowd, “or you’ll get a stomach ache.”

“They might get a stomach ache either way,” Galliard teases. “Do you see how the slobs are eating?” Walking against the tide, Reiner makes sure he doesn’t knock anyone over going too fast in the opposite direction. The energy would be electric if he didn’t feel so bone-tired. Sun warming his face, Reiner lifts his chin to the sky just as the sound of someone’s voice teases his ear range and his head snaps to the sound, eyes widening.

Stopping in his tracks, he searches for the source and his eyes fixate on the same woman in the purple coat. His mouth opens on its own accord and his eyebrows furrow together as she pays the vendor. He tracks her figure with a quick sweep before turning away to make sure he isn’t trailing too far behind the others.

When he glances back, she’s gone.

Fucking ghost.

He shivers, catching up with the group.

“You’ve got something on your mind,” Pieck observes as he empties out his wallet for the last food stall of the afternoon. They’d just finished their slices of something the man had called pizza, and Gabi had insisted on dessert to finish the day. Explains why he’s standing in front of a portly woman who insists on the kids picking which tart they want.

“It’s fine, Pieck,” he assures, closing his wallet and slipping it back into his pocket, significantly lighter than this morning as Falco grabs a pastry glazed with honey and Reiner’s heart seizes in his chest at the golden sugar glistening in the warm sunlight. “They’re growing kids.”

“I don’t think it’s your wallet that’s the problem,” she says. Galliard grabs a tart with flecks of rose petals within the filling and glances over at the two and Reiner arches an eyebrow at the strangled expression on the guy’s face.

Weird, he muses to himself when Porco grabs another tart and begins to walk over to them.

“You seem a bit lost. Did something happen earlier?” Pieck probes. Reiner sighs, crossing his arms, watching the Candidates switch tarts so they can try all the flavours. It’s so effortlessly… innocent, in a sense, in that gesture. Shit, when’s the last time he ever felt like that?

Gold dripping down your wrist… “I can see you eating the honeycomb, you know?”

God, did he want to kiss you then.

“Nothing happened.”

Pieck frowns, but doesn’t argue it further as Porco finally reaches them.

“Which one do you want, Pieck?” he asks, not waiting for an answer before shoving the rose tart into Pieck’s hands. She smiles fondly, reaching forward to flick Porco’s forehead. Reiner rolls his eyes. “The lady said it’s a popular flavour with… the ladies.”

“Thank you, Pock.” She takes a big bite, the sugar glistening her lips and Reiner’s watching Porco’s face which only opens at the pure delight on their pretty little colleague. Mouth snapping shut, Galliard looks away as if that’ll help the faint redness of his ears, and Reiner shakes his head. He chews on his cheek to prevent the soft smirk edging onto his face before he claps Pieck on the shoulder and heads towards the kids. 

Behind him, he hears a laugh that could only be Pieck’s followed by grumbling and harsh hushing that could only be Galliard’s.

When he glances over his shoulder, he swears he must’ve imagined Porco kissing the corner of Pieck’s mouth, sugary syrup on his lips, too.

[the-bat-collector]

SUPERBAT Rec List!! AU NO POWERS ish PART 2

No Powers or No Capes (There are some minor exceptions but I think this still applies)

Soo it’s become harder to find these fics and I kept postponing making this list just in case I found moreeeee. After some time convincing myself I decided that If I find more I’ll just make a part 3.

Here is the link to Part 1 Post

So without further ado. Here you go!

Storge by ichikonohakko @ichikonohakko

G - 3,310

Storge (storgē, Greek: στοργή) is liking someone through the fondness of familiarity, family members or people who relate in familiar ways that have otherwise found themselves bonded by chance. An example is the natural love and affection of a parent for their child.

Or the story of how Clark Kent meets the Wayne family children.

So this was in my mark for later and I read it as I was making this list and it’s very cute and adorable and highly recommend it! 

don't you know an apparition is a cheap date by knoxoursavior  @clqrkkent

E - 39,385

Clark has been able to see ghosts since he was eight, just a few days before his Pa died in his sleep. Years later, after having moved to the city with Martha to pursue writing, Clark meets Bruce Wayne, who takes an interest in his work and Clark in particular. Not long after they meet, Bruce asks Clark to marry him and Clark moves into a mansion that has more ghosts than it has people.

So I couldn’t find more AUs for this list, I was about to quit looking and yesterday I ran into this one and it gave me so much hope that there might be more out there (part 3?maybe?) I think of this as Ghost Whisperer Clark 

Stories for the Loved and Lost by MatchaMochi @renaimori 

M - 9,681

The first chapter leads Clark to another, and another. He turns the pages, eating the words up hungrily and feeling them, pored over the story as if he was reading someone’s personal diary. And the thing was, he knows it, he knows this story. He remembers flashes of memory that aren’t his, thrown in yesterday’s weird dream or last night’s nightmare.

or in which Bruce is an author and Clark is his fanboy.

I WILL read every single SOULMATE AU FIC I CAN FIND CAUSE I’D DIE FOR THIS TROPE. This is beautifully written <3 <3

Ghastly Murders in the East End by dippkip @dippkip

T - 38,227

London, 1888. A vicious killer known as Jack the Ripper has begun haunting the district of Whitechapel. In light of Scotland Yard’s inability to solve the case, intrepid reporter Clark Kent has made it his mission to track down this fiend and bring them to justice, though he may find himself more deeply involved in the affair than he bargained for.

Meanwhile, Bruce Wayne, a seemingly irresponsible and eccentric duke, remains largely unconcerned about these atrocities. The Batman, however, has taken special interest, and spends his nights relentlessly hunting the new murderer at large. The paths of these men will converge as the body count begins to rise, and their investigations and growing affections will cement their bond, intertwining their fates with that of the most notorious murderer in all of England.

OKaaaay this is one of the exceptions, Bruce is Batman but it’s a different century and Clark is powerless, I think it compensates. Usually I prefer when they’re both “capeless” but this was such a fun read. 

As You Grow by dnawhite76 & Prubbs @prubbs​ 

M - 59,946

After the death of his wife and children, Clark returns to the United States after spending years abroad to reconnect with his friends and their families. And while trying to gather what little remains of his old life and possibly move forward in his grief, he ends up falling into old habits with his first love and best friend, Bruce Wayne.

A story about grief and acceptance.

So I want to point out how good this fic is. I hate sad and this story has a lot of grief and I felt it was very grounded on its depictions of feelings. I tend to avoid this type of fics buuuuut this was so good. I couldn’t stop reading even if the grief got to me. It’s very wholesome and does have a satisfying ending. 

A good start by BlueAlmond @discretocincel​

G - 1,253  

Clark loves being an elementary school teacher, but it breaks his heart to see any of his students hurting. So, when he notices Jason waiting over forty minutes every day for someone to pick him up, he decides to have a word with his father.

Absolutely love Professor Trope!!! Sooo you could argue this is ficlet but doesn't feel like one to me so I’m not putting it in the ficlet section. 

Engraved In Our Souls by Nixie_DeAngel @nixie-deangel​

T - 9,004

It started with pain, with warm blood and bold, black letters. How was he to know it'd lead to a pair of gorgeous eyes, shimmering with the promise of life long happiness and love?

Or, after years of waiting, Bruce finds his soulmate in the least likely of places.

Little cute soulmate AU<3  AS I SAID I WILL READ EVERY SINGLE SOULMATE AU OUT THERE CAUSE I LOVE THEM

Ghosts by ren_makoto 

T -3,067

Wayne Manor is haunted. Clark doesn't mind.

Here is another of the exceptions, this is neither No Powers/No Capes, but they’re not relevant to the plot or we don’t see them using them (I don’t think they are mentioned but its implied). The Fic’s whole focus is on the ghosts! and absolutely loved it I LOVE REN MAKOTO FICS

There is Little Danger by ren_makoto

T - 5,327

"It's tradition," he said, one inch from Clark's mouth. "Yes," Clark said. "Tradition."

Or, where Bruce and Clark are trapped in an elevator

another Ren Makoto cause I can’t help myself

Semi-Permanent Couplings by ren_makoto

E - 10,463

"So, Bruce, how do you feel about one-night stands?"

Ren Makoto <3 <3 <3 This fic contains Adultery soo Read the Author’s Notes

Hubris by ren_makoto

M - 20,197

"This is turning into a routine," Bruce said breathlessly. "What can I do for you, Clark?" "Please," Clark said hoarsely. "I just want to get some sleep."

I really like the writing on this fic, this is a 100% NO CAPES, Clark does have powers and he’s starting to process them. Ren Makoto stole my heart with this one.

Not so Perfect Afterall by tekowrites

E - 6,966

AU: High school, Senior year. Clark thinks his life is nearly, if not already perfect. Then he overhears a conversation that changes absolutely everything. Bruce is there to pick up the pieces.

Red, White and Blue by melmel_79

E - 3,639

He works for the Secret Service, and it's best that no one knows he is in a relationship with the president. At least he hoped no one would know...

He grips the envelope tighter and knocks on the door to the Oval Office.

This was a mistake.

Late Night Feelings by the_butler @the-butler-fanstuff

M - 9,283

It was a little past one in the morning, the phone the only light in his room. He glared at it, then threw it to his side on the bed, not caring to see where it landed. A few seconds after, he patted all along the side to find it and looked at it again. He pulled up the messaging app, scrolled down, and then sighed. He exited the app and threw the phone on the bed again. He repeated this several times until some minutes later the phone chimed and he hurriedly sat up and felt for it on his bed. He opened the messaging app again and finally breathed a sigh of relief when he read the reply he’d been waiting for the whole night.

“Be there in 30 mins.”

I LOVE CLARK HERE, GOOD FOR YOU. He’s such a good adult looking out for himself! self-loving and self-respecting Clark here everybody.

it took me by surprise (I know you felt it, too) by jessequicksters @jessequicksters​

G - 1,124​

In which Clark and Bruce fall in love in between study sessions, track races, grocery shopping at Whole Foods and romantic student dinner dates, burnt lasagna and all.  

FLUFF, could argue this is a ficlet buuuuut dont care, it goes here.

Towards You by tekowrites

E - 22,607

AU where Clark is a new transfer student at an elite high school, and he encounters Bruce Wayne. Clark doesn't fit in, not anywhere it seems, and his crush on the star of the football team? Only serves to shows how much. Jealous girlfriends, misunderstandings, hormones and lurking trouble are just some of the challenges he's going to face.

I LOVE THIS , basically this fic made want to make a PART 2, just had to find 15+ other fics to add to the list. 

Read the tags, this does contain some heavy topics towards the end

The Game (of Love) by KaizokuHime @kaizokunohime

E -12,288

In WayneTech VR Augmented Gaming, a guild of superheroes has arisen who volunteer to help police that reality. One of these superheroes, Superman, has had a crush on his fellow member, Batman, for many years, but thus far has had little success on asking him out, even as fellow guildmembers. How will their relationship progress? And how intimate can they truly become without knowing the other's identity offline?

A Game You Can't Win gave me hunger for gaming fics, then I found this one and I WANT MORE GAMING FICS

Wham Bam Shang-A-Lang by ShowMeAHero @andillwriteyouatragedy

E - 8,354

Clark Kent is a professor at the same university as Bruce Wayne. Not that it matters, because Bruce doesn't really speak with his co-workers - they're there to work with, not befriend. That is, until Clark and Bruce are assigned to teach a class together in the fall, and start spending more and more time together, and Bruce starts to realize, maybe, he just might need a friend - and maybe, he just might need something else, something Clark-specific.

YES YES PROFESSOR TROPE. They are the best together!

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SORTA KINDA MAYBE FITS THE CATEGORY

The Gift by tmelange

E - 5,564

University student Clark Kent is on a field trip to Gotham City where he meets a creature of the night.

VAMPIRE AU, soooo Clark has powers but he is not superman so NO CAPES on his part. Bruce is a Vampire and I’m not really sure if he’s Batman but he’s some sort of vigilante. This felt very AU and sorta? fit the category, so I decided to add it anyways but it’s worth to mention this is an outlier on this list.

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SPECIAL MENTION CAUSE I HAVENT READ THIS ONE BUT IT WAS RECOMMEND TO ME by @just-add-butter​

Spoils of War by littlechinesedoll @cumdumpsterbrucie

“If I go with you as a spoil of this pointless war, will you leave?” Bruce stands his ground, terrified and shaking, but he keeps eye contact with the warlord.

“Excuse me?” Kal must be hearing things.

“If I go with you, if I serve you, will you let my people live? Will you let my brother live?”

This is not finished buuuut it’s a Medieval AU. I just need to get myself in the right mindset to read an unfinished fic but will get to it! love what llittlechinesedoll writes.

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FICLETS 

This section was accidental. I like my fics long and rarely read ficlets but here are a few that came across my way when I forgot to set word count filters.

Snapping the Chats by littlechinesedoll @cumdumpsterbrucie

G - 2,278

Clark tries to use the Snapchat filters on Bruce.

General Check-up by littlechinesedoll @cumdumpsterbrucie

T - 906

One where Brucie is getting a check-up from Thomas Elliot and he touches Bruce more cause Clark is obviously jealous

Subway Providence by the butler @the-butler-fanstuff

G - 400

A short drabble about art I did of Clark and Bruce waiting for the train on a subway platform.

So my first list was me coming across and realizing I love this kind of AUs and this second list is me carefully looking for them! Even tho my 1st list has some of my favorites, I hold this one closer to my heart. Hope you Enjoy it. 

Also if you know of any that I haven’t included on these lists, please I beg you send them my way <3 

[mcyt-sh1t]

To the person who read this, It’s been hard for you, I know, and it makes me sad that you don’t see yourself in the way I see you. Sometimes they are things in life that cause us to loose ourselves, and the way you have is so unimaginable painful. I miss your smile, the way your eyes light up the whole room just by the sound of your laughter. I miss the way you accepted the way you look in the mirror without cursing yourself out about how ugly you look. I miss the way you didn’t think of yourself as a failure because everyone makes mistakes, we all have flaws and we all aren’t perfect. It’s painful to see that no one around you seems to see the pain trough your eyes, but, stranger, I do, I see how heavy your heart is and how comforting the sadness for you might be, how afraid your heart is of happiness because it disappears in the end, right? You don’t know how much impact you have in this world and it’s sad to see that your demons fight against you and want to take over you. Because you do make change, it’s something so simple and little that brightens up someone’s whole world, it can be a small smile from your lips, the way you look at things you’re passionate about, the way you make yourself eat even though it’s been hard for you lately, the way you zoom out and go in your own world, you brighten up my world by reading this, it means a lot to me that you’re here, existing, but I don’t want you to just exist, you deserve to feel alive. You deserve to get up in the morning and feel good about yourself. You deserve to feel something- to feel every damn second alive in this lifetime. It’s heartbreaking that you think you’re not capable of being loved, because you are, I love you trough all my words and I hope you let it happen in your heart. Love is scary, I know, maybe you heart had been broken once and since then you wanted to be rather numb than feel ever again, it hurts me how you punish yourself, does it not deserve love? Because YOU DO deserve love, please forgive yourself, it’s not your fault that the demons want to take over your beautiful heart. You’re not a bad person for distancing yourself from others, but you deserve someone to talk to, you deserve someone to listen. I am listening, you can tell me what’s wrong. It’s everything, isn’t it? There’s something pulling your heartstrings on the ground and no one seems to understand how misunderstood you feel, it’s heartbreaking to know that I am behind the screen and can’t give you a hug, that’s why I will give you a big warm virtual hug and send you lots of love :). You matter. You are worthy. You are loved. You deserve good things. You deserve someone to listen. You deserve to eat and drink. You deserve to feel good and alive. You deserve to smile. You deserve a hug. You deserve to be all the things you want to be, because you deserve to have and feel good things happening to you and have a fulfilled life. I know I might not know you personally but I care about you so much, I write this because I want you to stay here with me, I want you to hold on a little longer because you matter so much to me, because I will not let you give up on yourself. I want you to see that you should not give up on yourself because you DESERVE GOOD THINGS. I want you to look back on the time when you were a kid, you didn’t give up when you tried to swim for the first time, you didn’t give up when you tired to walk for the first time and fell, you never gave up on yourself, you always kept on pushing forwards, so why can’t you now? I know it’s tiring, your mentally tired, but dont your younger self deserve good things? look back at your eyes that used to be full of hope, look back on those dreams. Don’t let yourself fall, you deserve better. We will both fight, I will fight for you. I won’t let those demons get to you. You can hold on to me, I won’t let you down :). Whenever you feel lonely, then look at the sky, I always look at it and think about you. Yes, you, because it makes me happy that there’s someone looking right back, maybe we can’t see each other but I can feel your

presence here with me and that’s enough for me, because I am glad your heart is beating and you’re still fighting. You’re so much stronger thank you think, you didn’t leave your spot on this earth even if you wanted to, you belong here, even though it doesn’t feel like it, when you don’t feel like belonging than build your own home here, put all your love in it and dreams. Think of you as a star when you feel alone, you shine because your heart is good, no matter what mistake you made, no matter about the past you had, you’re one of the stars that shine bright in the universe because you’re heart is beautiful, that’s why the demons in your mind wants to have it. As one of the stars you see others stars, maybe they have felt the same way as you do at some point in there life, but they lighten up the universe with each other’s presence. You’re a star for me, maybe you don’t see it yourself but I can see it, you’re beautiful from inside and out, your body is beautiful the way it is. You make me happy by reading this, you make me feel something by your presence and when you can make me feel that way than you also make other people feel that way about you too. I hope you stay for yourself and don’t let your story get written by others but by yourself, it’s your story not theirs. As you can see, I say a lot of “I hope” because I have hope for you even if you don’t have it for yourself, I see hope in you even though you might want to give up. That’s why I hope you won’t see the world in darkness and will see it colorful again, I hope I will give you a glimpse of hope and make the world you see a bit colorful for today. My favorite color is yellow, and I hope the next time you see the color yellow you will think about my words. If someone left you than don’t blame yourself, don’t think you weren’t enough, don’t lower yourself for someone who couldn’t see the awesomeness in you. If you lost someone I am so sorry for your loss, they want you happy, I hope you don’t feel guilty or regret because you were there, you spend enough time with them, they want you to be happy. They are in a good and safe place now. If someone broke your heart than I am so sorry that they couldn’t see the way you look so beautiful because of the heart you have. Anyone who gets to be with you, doesn’t know how fucking lucky he/ she/ they is :). If you aren’t accepted at home or in general than I am so sorry that you have to deal with someone/ something you shouldn’t be ashamed of, I accept you and support you, I accept you as a human being no matter what race, religion, nationality, skin color, or sexuality you have. You’re safe here with me :). You’re not useless, you’re not a burden to anyone. You’re not a problem, you’re human and your feelings are valid. You’re not being dramatic. Please don’t starve yourself, you deserve food and to drink, I know it’s hard. It hurts to see that you’re in so much pain :( you deserve so much man, don’t let your emotions control you. Don’t let them get the best of you. I am sorry no one is noticing, I wish /hope I could take your pain away for today or even for a moment while you’re reading this. If no one told you, I am so proud of you, you’re reading this and it’s enough for me to be proud of you because you’re here and that’s all that matters to me. If it’s night for you, go to sleep, I know it’s hard to fall asleep right now but you deserve a good sleep. If you have nightmares, please, don’t let them fight you. If it’s day for you, don’t start it by such sad music, I know it’s impossible to have a good day with such mindset but take baby steps, start by drinking two cups of water everyday in the morning and so on.. You will start building little healthy habits. If it’s evening for you, you’re probably overwhelmed and stressed, I want you to know it’s okay to feel the way you feel. You don’t need to be scared, of course you’re overwhelmed or stressed, I mean who wouldn’t? But it’s important to know that when you feel that way you should do a little self care, such as taking a bath for example?

You deserve to feel at ease and relaxed. And if you are somewhere in between I hope you know that you’re so strong for breathing despite the pain, I know you will make it :) I believe in you. All I want for you is to stay here, I really mean all my words, even if there is a lot of unsaid things I want to tell u and my text is getting longer and longer,I want you here. I hope one day your smile will become a genuine one where you don’t need to fake it anymore, because I can’t say this enough, you deserve a good smile and to feel alive. You’re worth more than every fucking cent in this world. You can let go for today, I got you, you can cry your heart out as much as you want, but don’t let it tear you down and let your emotions control you by giving up. Crying is not weakness. If you still feel alone I dedicate you a song as your friend. “Dusk till Dawn- Zayn feat. Sia (I prefer the slow version)” I hope you can think of me and will remind yourself of my words, I will for sure think of you. In case no one told you and you’re unsure yourself, you’re a good person and I am so happy you’re here. I hope this is enough to stay today, tomorrow will be a new day, a new start, let go now. Enough with beating yourself up for today, okay? Life for those who couldn’t, smile for those who forgot what a genuine smile is, love like there’s no other, hug like its your last one. If you read all of it, until tomorrow my friend :) have a good day and great years. I love you so much and am so proud of you, I hope you will remember my words- becho, the stranger that cares more about you than anything :)

[galaxyofmyown]

can you do hotch with a reader with an age gap? maybe something to do with the song “dont stand so close to me” from the police

hello darling! here you go. i obviously aged the song up so she’s in higher education so as to not make her younger than 25 which is my usual rule of thumb. enjoyyyyyyyy! xo

aaron hotchner x reader - just a number

young teacher, the subject of schoolgirl fantasy

Aaron needs to stop letting himself get roped into this kind of thing. He’s much better suited for sitting behind a desk than standing in front of a classroom. But here he was anyway, at Virginia Commonwealth University, guest-lecturing for a Professional Ethics and Liability class. The professor was a friend of his from his prosecutor days and he owed her a favor. 

Despite Hotch’s general confidence surrounding his career, public speaking is not one of his favorite things. But he’s gotten good at faking it over the years, so his voice carries throughout the lecture hall confidently. There couldn’t be more than 30 people in the room considering the class was only open for people pursuing an M.S. in Criminal Justice. Perhaps this is why his eyes kept wandering back to you. Sitting third row left, dutifully taking notes.

At first, there didn’t seem to be anything special about you. Sure, you were beautiful, but all the girls in the lecture hall were objectively good looking. You weren’t even dressed to impress, lounging in your seat with leggings and a big sweatshirt on. But you had a wiser-than-your-years air about you, and you seemed extremely interested in the subject matter. Hotch couldn’t stop thinking about you, couldn’t tear his gaze away every time you wrapped your lips around the straw of your iced coffee. His interest in you nagged at him. You couldn’t possibly be older than 25. He’d never felt so attracted to someone so young before. Although not explicitly wrong, it did conflict with his personal morals.

she wants him so badly, knows what she wants to be

Yeah, you had a crush on Aaron Hotchner. Despite having only known of his existence for about an hour and 45 minutes, you were under his spell. He’s more charming and well-spoken than most of your professors, and they do this shit for a living. The way he carries himself, the way he moves his hands when gesturing to the screen. It was… hot. But it was more than that. He was smart and competent and his credentials were certainly impressive. And you weren’t the only one to notice. There were many people in your class that looked as interested in him as you felt.

“That’s all I have for you today. Does anybody have any questions?” Hotchner asks the PowerPoint goes black. A few people raise their hands, including yourself. You actually do have a question, but you’re filled with nerves as he looks at you.

“Yes, you in the third row. What’s your name?” He asks. You feel hot. 

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N), sir.” God, he hates that you called him that. Or rather, he hates how much he loves it. You ask your question about how attorney allocations often lead to unjust decisions in court. Agent Hotchner smiles as you speak, causing one girl to turn to you and roll her eyes. Oops?

her friends are so jealous, you know how bad girls get  sometimes it's not so easy to be the teacher's pet

“That’s a great question, (Y/N).” Hotchner says (earning you eye roll #2) before spouting off an answer, which you scribbled down in your notebook. He answers a few more questions, and you notice that he didn’t ask anyone else for their name. But that doesn’t mean anything right? As your professor joins Agent Hotchner in the front to thank him for speaking, you realize that you’re never going to see this man again.

And frankly, that’s unacceptable.

You need to say something to him before he leaves, so you stay in your seat as the other students either leave or walk up to talk to Professor Ramirez or Hotchner. Many students are attempting to mask their blatant flirtation with a question, which, like, power to them, but you still felt the distant and unfamiliar sting of jealousy. You don’t miss the way the Agent keeps looking at you, however, which fuels your barely existent confidence. You walk up to Hotchner right after the last student leaves, and boldly stick your hand out. He shakes it and the warmth of his hand seems to move through your entire body.

“It’s (Y/N), correct?” He asks. You nod.

“That’s correct, Agent.” Hotchner smiles at you.

“Please, you can call me Hotch.” He says.

“Alright, Hotch. I just wanted to say that it’s great to meet you. An honor, really.” “It’s great to meet you too.” He says, and if you didn’t know better you would say his tone was FLIRTATIOUS, “Are you interested in working for the FBI?” He asks and you can’t help but laugh.

“God, no.” You say, which makes him raise an eyebrow.

“No?”

“Sorry, sir, no offense, but I really don’t trust the government enough to work for them.” You say, and try to contain your smile when he laughs.

“Fair enough. So what is it you want to be doing?”

“I’ll tell you, but you can’t laugh at me-”

“I would never laugh at you.” He interrupts, and you smile.

“Okay, then. I want to be a private investigator.” Hotch looks surprised, but he nods in approval.

“I can respect that. Although you’ll make plenty of enemies that way.”

“Hm. That’s okay with me. I have a lot of friends.”

“So you’ll strike a balance.”

“Exactly.”

You stand in front of him for a second, calculating your next move.

“Is there something you needed to ask me?” He asks, looking into your eyes. You almost chicken out, but then-

“Yes, actually. Um, this is a bit weird, and I’ve never done this before, but… would you maybe want to get dinner with me sometime?” You ask, forcing yourself not to break eye contact. Hotch’s face remains controlled, and you can’t gauge his reaction.

temptation, frustration, so bad it makes him cry

“I’m sorry, (Y/N). You’re lovely and seem like a great person, but I don’t think that would be appropriate.” He says, and you deflate (although you try not to show it). Trying not to cry from embarrassment, you smile at him and nod.

“I understand, Agent. Have a good night!” You say, staying as positive as possible. Hotch looks at you with pity, which is the last thing you need.

“I really am sorry, (Y/N).” He says.

“Don’t be. Have a good night.” You say, and you’re out the door before he can respond.

You walk to the exit and groan when you see that it’s pouring rain outside.

“Shit.” You say, digging around in your bag for your umbrella, but you can’t find it anywhere.

“Fuck.”

Usually, you’d walk to your apartment from school, but you can barely see the street in front of you with all the rain. You jog over to the bus stop and nearly collapse onto the seat, ignoring everyone around you. Today sucks.

wet bus stop, she's waiting, his car is warm and dry

Hotch pulled out of his reserved parking space carefully. He’s glad he thought to take an umbrella today. He turns up the heat in his car and breathes in the warm air. He can’t stop thinking about you. Was he an idiot for turning you down? It felt like the right thing to do, but now he just feels stupid. He groans as he pulls up at a stoplight. Driving through Richmond at night and in this weather was going to be a nightmare. He looks to his right and sees you, soaking wet and miserable. God. He’s pulling the car over before he can even weigh his options. There’s no way he was going to make you take the bus this late without any protection. He rolled down his window.

“(Y/N)!” He called, startling you. You look up, your expression a mix of hopefulness and embarrassment.

“Yeah?” You ask tentatively. Hotch falters for a moment, then says,

“I can drive you home.”

“Oh, no, it’s okay I’ll just-”

“I’m worried about you. Get in if you want. It’s really no problem.” 

You hesitate, and Hotch can practically hear your conflicting thoughts. But you get in the car nonetheless, and holy shit. He has heated seats.

“Thank you.” You say as you close the door. You immediately feel better, the warmth of the car soothing you, the leather seats making you feel less guilty for being soaked in this obviously expensive car.

“It’s no problem. Where should I go?”

You give him directions, his rumbling voice and soft demeanor making you feel so comfortable. The drive only takes 5 minutes, and suddenly you wish you lived farther away.

“It’s this one.” You say, and he parallel parks flawlessly. Hot.

“I’ll walk you up.” He says, reaching for his seatbelt. You put your hand over his before he can unclick it, and he looks up at you.

“Don’t please. I’ll be fine.” You rush out, not eager for him to see the inside of your shabby apartment building. He relents, but before you can pull your hand away he grabs it, softly stroking it with his thumb. It’s an awkward angle, but it makes your heart race nonetheless.

“Hotch?” You ask quietly, and he’s pulled out of his trance. He pulls his hand away and turns back to face the front.

“Sorry. Uh, good night.” He says, and you sigh.

“I’m 25, Hotch. I have a full-time job-”

“(Y/N)-”

“No. Let me say this, please. I have a full-time job and I’m taking night classes for my Master’s. I have my own insurance. I can vote, drink, rent a car. My brain is fully developed. You aren’t my boss. You aren’t my professor. You’re just a guy. I’m just a girl. It’s that simple. If you aren’t interested just say that and I’ll get out right now. But if this is about my age, or your age, then I think you’re making a mistake.” You say, your voice growing stronger with each word. Hotch looks at you, but his guard isn’t up this time. You know exactly what he’s thinking.

“Kiss me, Hotch.” You say. Hotch smiles.

“Call me Aaron.”

“Okay, how many times are you gonna change your name because-”

Aaron pulls you to him before you can finish your thought. His lips are softer than you expected, and he kisses like a guy with 20 years more experience than you. And it’s amazing.

“Wow.” You say as he pulls away. He presses his forehead against yours, and he’s full-on grinning now.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to walk you to your door?” He asks, and you can’t help it: You giggle like a schoolgirl.

don't stand so close to me

[ra-ttdrp]

All the broken puzzle pieces

Dr. Ra:

I look over what Tulsix was able to send me overwhelmed, I was so tired but sleeping would just bring on the Infectious nightmare and I'm forced to drug myself further to numb the worms. The worms naturally keep my body functioning so it makes me far more sicker again then if they we're working in there to keep me alive. A few days of constant work on it, visiting the babies for more blood going towards Nala (and Dathan's) poisoning. Checking on Gwen's recovery, hearing Marcellus complain though his condition wasnt as bad as everyone's else. I still had to come to his beck and call. I twitch having been caught walking down the hall to go see test results in another lab. He demanded when Caelus could be treated next. Its been a few days... I still wasnt sure.. it was..ready. I decided not to update the first machine, instead make a new machine. We might need the old machine for .. for..

I try to remember what Infection was left.. somewhere..

I felt so numbed to them now I couldn't even remember.

(Marcellus): "WHEN is Caelus going to be wok-"

(Michael): "You complain more then my granddaughter.." He tisks at Marcellus coming back from visiting Gwen.

(Marcellus): "Michael! Enough games! Where is he!?"

(Michael): "You cant visit him and get infected again you know..."

(Marcellus): "What about Nala.."

(Michael): "There is no point, both are frozen and can not speak to you."

I inch away to the door feeling like I can leave now. Michael stops me to discus the research on the baby's blood. How it seemed to be positively effecting Dathen. I almost got a complement for 'making them'. But he wont give me the credit for improvement and just betrays on about the small amount of hybrid wraith in Dathan did not prove the blood could help Nala. After seeing Marcellus's DNA structure get completely changed he questioned my methods, reminding me Nala had to be RESTORED in a complete and whole manner and not in some botched way.

"Of course sire, yes sire I understand.."

I say trying to blink away any amount of focus of me being here right now.

(Michael): "AND those names.. what we're you thinking?! UGH just get out of my sight and get back to WORK!"

I wake up from my zone out picturing dirt at his scream and dart for the other room.

Sterling came back from the Trydien sector to bitch about the lost General women, Korra being gone for so long meant there is no political puppet to dangle in front of them so he wanted to get her from Tulco but learned from Uriah she was gone.

(Sterling): "Is Gwen the only who can make her hybrid trydien race?! We need those creatures nullified if she cant then give us the Declension Serum. They are just as powerful as Bain Ones."

(Borin): "We dont know if that caused the Infection or not..its dangerous..no one is allowed to use it.."

He shoots me a look and I stand there feeling more pained at them talking about my greatest 'success' / failure.

(Sterling): "We've used it for years, it did not cause that...whats the point of holding those planets if your just going to leave us with it. Isnt your son the 'king' of Ingnitcore then why is it MY problem to keep them from ripping it apart?!"

(Borin): "I dont have the time to set Nash up there if I did I would have taken care of them far better then you can and have. Get out."

(Sterling): "I'm warning you right now, my Prince if you dont act we'll loose it...."

He leaves rather begrudgingly. I guess I cant ask his help on the job, he wont be sticking around if he has to go back there.

(Peli): "I could take Nash..."

(Borin): "No stay away from that little freak..."

He hushed back at her, much to her surprise.

He then yells at me much like Michal about how I'm not doing enough or something and another.

"Its true, I haven't been able to look at Gwen's..results as much dealing with..Caelus's recovery. But I dont see much promise with her memories. You know that."

I add in, knowing he spent all this time on it. My 2nd option wouldnt be much. Well it would be if I told him the truth.. I know that's Perry's venom. So they we're there..so close..

SO. close.

(Borin): ((I think she did it to herself, its VERY selective memory loss..too selective to be natural. OR you did it..I dont believe she could make something I cant crack...))

"And I can?" I cant mindtalk this weak.

(Borin): "I taught her what she knows!" He counters back and hovers back near Gwen who woke up gaging in pain again, hugging herself if that could help the bandages keep her together in more.

I think..what Perry did wasnt meant for her. It was way to strong. He must have loaded it for Bane.. like a nuke.

(Peli): "Its nothing, nothing your stupid father is going to shut up and let you rest.. dont wake up.. go back to sleep baby."

(Gwen): "N..no I.m...o..kay.."

I stare at her trying to make myself feel ok with withholding what I knew about that. Her insides we're probably going to liquify....

*twitch*

I take a deep yet labored breath cause my lungs without the worms keeping healthy feel like a 80 year old man who smoked his way out of a paper bag. The guilt was to much, I grab Gwen's blood samples and take it to a further away lab to try to stop the liquification. I slack off my research on Caelus's cure a few more days to accomplish this. At least the machine was being worked on, it was on a ship so it could be easily thrown into the sun just in case I also wanted the two way transfer to become a one way transfer..somewhere to be destroyed forever but I wasnt sure yet how to accomplish that. Break it into something compacted like dart yet I had a sickening sort of feeling to that for some reason. Then of course there was general transporter error.

Some day *is too drugged out and overworked to know the day of the year details* ;)

I'm on the Infected hive trying not to puke blood in my hazard suit trying to stay in attention for a meeting.

I prattle on my progress of the machine, well the hybrids building it cause I cant really do the manual labor, at least I got out of that. I was however doing the panel's myself that would be installed last by them when the time came.

(Soren): "How much gunk can you put on that one drone?"

"Oh..you'd be surprised how much..."

I couldn't remember now, how many on Xero...

He looks at me disgusted and focuses on the King trying to be very impressive.

(Soren): "Who goes in first?"

(Michael): "I will only risk Caelus's life if I must... if anyone goes in the new machine it will be Julian.."

"Will you allow me to try to break the buffer so there is no sacrifice?"

(Michael): "Do you think that's wise when this is the most important run though..if he turns out human it will be far better then any alternative."

"Of course.."

I try not to panic, I dont want to even imagine what the drone would be like with..all that.

My health decline for the last few days was now too apparent. The King ordered the only Lyratsian he had trusted, Dr. Quasar's specimen clone from the Safar Zoo to look over more calculations for Julian strain machine. Since whatever he did to himself to have infection full control must have went over my head and been some Lysterian secret.

(Quasar): "I am SO honored for another chance your majesty."

(Michal): "Just get on with it.." He shoos her away and I would have liked to see such a famous scientist at work checking the machine but .. passes out smacking into wall on the way down.

[dumbobsessivebitch]

Dear Stranger

To the person who read this, It’s been hard for you, I know, and it makes me sad that you don’t see yourself in the way I see you. Sometimes they are things in life that cause us to loose ourselves, and the way you have is so unimaginable painful. I miss your smile, the way your eyes light up the whole room just by the sound of your laughter. I miss the way you accepted the way you look in the mirror without cursing yourself out about how ugly you look. I miss the way you didn’t think of yourself as a failure because everyone makes mistakes, we all have flaws and we all aren’t perfect. It’s painful to see that no one around you seems to see the pain trough your eyes, but, stranger, I do, I see how heavy your heart is and how comforting the sadness for you might be, how afraid your heart is of happiness because it disappears in the end, right? You don’t know how much impact you have in this world and it’s sad to see that your demons fight against you and want to take over you. Because you do make change, it’s something so simple and little that brightens up someone’s whole world, it can be a small smile from your lips, the way you look at things you’re passionate about, the way you make yourself eat even though it’s been hard for you lately, the way you zoom out and go in your own world, you brighten up my world by reading this, it means a lot to me that you’re here, existing, but I don’t want you to just exist, you deserve to feel alive. You deserve to get up in the morning and feel good about yourself. You deserve to feel something- to feel every damn second alive in this lifetime. It’s heartbreaking that you think you’re not capable of being loved, because you are, I love you trough all my words and I hope you let it happen in your heart. Love is scary, I know, maybe you heart had been broken once and since then you wanted to be rather numb than feel ever again, it hurts me how you punish yourself, does it not deserve love? Because YOU DO deserve love, please forgive yourself, it’s not your fault that the demons want to take over your beautiful heart. You’re not a bad person for distancing yourself from others, but you deserve someone to talk to, you deserve someone to listen. I am listening, you can tell me what’s wrong. It’s everything, isn’t it? There’s something pulling your heartstrings on the ground and no one seems to understand how misunderstood you feel, it’s heartbreaking to know that I am behind the screen and can’t give you a hug, that’s why I will give you a big warm virtual hug and send you lots of love :). You matter. You are worthy. You are loved. You deserve good things. You deserve someone to listen. You deserve to eat and drink. You deserve to feel good and alive. You deserve to smile. You deserve a hug. You deserve to be all the things you want to be, because you deserve to have and feel good things happening to you and have a fulfilled life. I know I might not know you personally but I care about you so much, I write this because I want you to stay here with me, I want you to hold on a little longer because you matter so much to me, because I will not let you give up on yourself. I want you to see that you should not give up on yourself because you DESERVE GOOD THINGS. I want you to look back on the time when you were a kid, you didn’t give up when you tried to swim for the first time, you didn’t give up when you tired to walk for the first time and fell, you never gave up on yourself, you always kept on pushing forwards, so why can’t you now? I know it’s tiring, your mentally tired, but dont your younger self deserve good things? look back at your eyes that used to be full of hope, look back on those dreams. Don’t let yourself fall, you deserve better. We will both fight, I will fight for you. I won’t let those demons get to you. You can hold on to me, I won’t let you down :). Whenever you feel lonely, then look at the sky, I always look at it and think about you. Yes, you, because it makes me happy that there’s someone looking right back, maybe we can’t see each other but I can feel your presence here with me and that’s enough for me, because I am glad your heart is beating and you’re still fighting. You’re so much stronger thank you think, you didn’t leave your spot on this earth even if you wanted to, you belong here, even though it doesn’t feel like it, when you don’t feel like belonging than build your own home here, put all your love in it and dreams. Think of you as a star when you feel alone, you shine because your heart is good, no matter what mistake you made, no matter about the past you had, you’re one of the stars that shine bright in the universe because you’re heart is beautiful, that’s why the demons in your mind wants to have it. As one of the stars you see others stars, maybe they have felt the same way as you do at some point in there life, but they lighten up the universe with each other’s presence. You’re a star for me, maybe you don’t see it yourself but I can see it, you’re beautiful from inside and out, your body is beautiful the way it is. You make me happy by reading this, you make me feel something by your presence and when you can make me feel that way than you also make other  people feel that way about you too. I hope you stay for yourself and don’t let your story get written by others but by yourself, it’s your story not theirs. As you can see, I say a lot of “I hope” because I have hope for you even if you don’t have it for yourself, I see hope in you even though you might want to give up. That’s why I hope you won’t see the world in darkness and will see it colorful again, I hope I will give you a glimpse of hope and make the world you see a bit colorful for today. My favorite color is yellow, and I hope the next time you see the color yellow you will think about my words. If someone left you than don’t blame yourself, don’t think you weren’t enough, don’t lower yourself for someone who couldn’t see the awesomeness in you. If you lost someone I am so sorry for your loss, they want you happy, I hope you don’t feel guilty or regret because you were there, you spend enough time with them, they want you to be happy. They are in a good and safe place now. If someone broke your heart than I am so sorry that they couldn’t see the way you look so beautiful because of the heart you have. Anyone who gets to be with you, doesn’t know how fucking lucky he/ she/ they is :). If you aren’t accepted at home or in general than I am so sorry that you have to deal with someone/ something you shouldn’t be ashamed of, I accept you and support you, I accept you as a human being no matter what race, religion, nationality, skin color, or sexuality you have. You’re safe here with me :). You’re not useless, you’re not a burden to anyone. You’re not a problem, you’re human and your feelings are valid. You’re not being dramatic. Please don’t starve yourself, you deserve food and to drink, I know it’s hard. It hurts to see that you’re in so much pain :( you deserve so much man, don’t let your emotions control you. Don’t let them get the best of you.  I am sorry no one is noticing, I wish /hope I could take your pain away for today or even for a moment while you’re reading this. If no one told you, I am so proud of you, you’re reading this and it’s enough for me to be proud of you because you’re here and that’s all that matters to me. If it’s night for you, go to sleep, I know it’s hard to fall asleep right now but you deserve a good sleep. If you have nightmares, please, don’t let them fight you. If it’s day for you, don’t start it by such sad music, I know it’s impossible to have a good day with such mindset but take baby steps, start by drinking two cups of water everyday in the morning and so on.. You will start building little healthy habits. If it’s evening for you, you’re probably overwhelmed and stressed, I want you to know it’s okay to feel the way you feel. You don’t need to be scared, of course you’re overwhelmed or stressed, I mean who wouldn’t? But it’s important to know that when you feel that way you should do a little self care, such as taking a bath for example? You deserve to feel at ease and relaxed. And if you are somewhere in between I hope you know that you’re so strong for breathing despite the pain, I know you will make it :) I believe in you. All I want for you is to stay here, I really mean all my words, even if there is a lot of unsaid things I want to tell u and my text is getting longer and longer,I want you here. I hope one day your smile will become a genuine one where you don’t need to fake it anymore, because I can’t say this enough, you deserve a good smile and to feel alive. You’re worth more than every fucking cent in this world. You can let go for today, I got you, you can cry your heart out as much as you want, but don’t let it tear you down and let your emotions control you by giving up. Crying is not weakness. If you still feel alone I dedicate you a song as your friend. “Dusk till Dawn- Zayn feat. Sia (I prefer the slow version)” I hope you can think of me and will remind yourself of my words, I will for sure think of you. In case no one told you and you’re unsure yourself, you’re a good person and I am so happy you’re here. I hope this is enough to stay today, tomorrow will be a new day, a new start, let go now. Enough with beating yourself up for today, okay? Life for those who couldn’t, smile for those who forgot what a genuine smile is, love like there’s no other, hug like its your last one. If you read all of it, until tomorrow my friend :) have a good day and great years. I love you so much and am so proud of you, I hope you will remember my words- becho, the stranger that cares more about you than anything :) <3

[freerebelmentality]

The high cost of living

AN:  ***TRIGGER WARNING*** MENTIONS OF DRUG USE AND OVERDOSE. **  Ok may I request a Winchester brothers x sister reader where the reader is depressed harms themselves and feels like she not good enough and is a drug addict like does weed and other drugs drinks to relieve her pain and her brothers found out and are not happy it and the reader just not having it and doesn’t want help and can’t handle being lectured about her brothers so she runs away and overdoses and her brothers find her but in the end her brothers help her in recovery and it fluffy in the end And can the reader age around 16-19 is up too you i hope this is ok for u if not I can change it. Requested by @supernerdycookietrashblr ** I took out the self harm and just stuck with the rest of the request. Sorry if this got way too long but I got carried away and I just really enjoyed writing this. Ideas came and wrote those down. So I hope you all will enjoy this and enjoy reading

************************************************************************

Word Count: 2,762

On the road again, you thought while sitting in the back of the Impala.

Looking out the window, seeing the trees pass by at great speed is when you begin to feel sick.

“Dean, Dean. Pull over, Im going to be sick” you say rather quickly

With one quick stop, Dean pulls over to the side of the road and puts baby in park

“Geez, are you ok? You want some water? Mint? Mouth wash?” Sam asks as he rushes to your side.

“Mouth wash?” you reply while Sam runs back to the car and searches his bag for his mouth wash.

“Feeling a little hungover? Or just sick, sick?” Dean asks as he comes check on you as well

“A little hungover” you lie to Dean while Dean goes back to the car and reaches for a beer.

He decides something a little stronger than beer.

He pulls out his flask and walks back to your side.

Sam notices how incredibly sickly looking you’ve become and begins to worry that you are coming down with something.

You knew you were coming down from your latest high, well more like from you latest fix and you needed another. Fast.

Dean hands you the flask and you greatly take it from his hands and drink the entire thing. The whisky made things a little more tolerable.

“Thanks man, I needed that” you tell him and walk slowly back to the car.

Dean and Sam looked to you and noticed how you were walking. Like as if you were in pain and cold. The weather was warm and a beautiful day really.

“Are you sure youre feeling ok?” Dean asks as soon as he gets into the car

“Yes, step on the gas. I wanna go home already” you irritatingly reply back.

Dean didnt like that, so he did what he was told and stepped on the gas to head back to the bunker.

Finally arriving.

You get out of the car as fast as you could and into the bunker. You ran all the way to your room and found your stash hidden in your room.

You felt as though you werent moving fast enough but you made it to your room.

Dean and Sam looked at you oddly as you ran fast into the bunker.

“What the hell is wrong with her?” Dean asks as he takes the stuff from the car and into the bunker.

“Maybe she needs the bathroom again” Sam replies following Dean.

“Hmm’ is all Dean says and goes to his room to put his things away.

Once you got the needle ready, you sat on the toilet and poked the needle into your favourite vain. You pulled back the syringe to draw blood is when you injected the stuff. Slowly

Once the stuff reached your body is when you started to forget about everything else. Your withdrawals, depression, everything. Numbing out everything perfectly.

Or so you thought.

You came out of your room to look for your brothers to hang out with or just to get them to stay away from your room anyway.

“Are you feeling a lot better?” Dean asks while turning away from his cooking

“Yes, I feel a lot better” you reply way to happy but oh well you replied anyway

“Ok then” Sam says while he adds more notes to the folders in front of him

He has been adding the men of letters archives, well the both of them have been doing that and they thought you were doing the same but you dont remember a thing from your last hunt.

All you thought about was how to get your next fix or even next high. Weed wasnt cutting it anymore ever since getting into the opiates.

Stupid for getting into those. Oh well choices were made and it makes the feelings go away.

As the days go by which weeks go by as well. Dean and Sam begin to notice how incredibly bad you got while hunting, sick, and more sicker.

After the sickness, you would be at your normal self and be the great hunter they knew you to be. But when the sickness came, it was as if they didnt know who you were. Didnt look like you or anything.

“Let me know when she goes out, ok?” Dean asks Sam as he watches you walk to your room

“Uh, ok. Why?” Sam asks not really sure if he wants to know the answer but he is curious to see what Dean is up to.

“I want to look through her room, I want to see if Im right about something. If not then I am going to feel like a complete dick about it later” Dean explains himself as he looks towards the hall.

“Right about what?” Sam asks looking out for you as well

He hears you coming out of your room and walk the hallway and waits for you to appear.

“Hey guys, Im going to head out for a bit and I will be home in an hour or something” you tell them and head out the door.

You didnt give them any time to say anything cause you needed to head out and look for the number one thing you have been needing. You needed your next high. You needed it bad.

“Ok, go” Sam says to Dean as he books it to your room

“What exactly are we looking for?” Sam asks as he digs through your stuf

“Needles or drugs” Dean replies as he sees a box in the bottom of the sink in your bathroom

Dean hoped it wouldn’t be the things he is looking for. Other wise all of you weird behaviour he has noticed for the past couple years would be more understandable now.

He has seen this type of addiction before in fellow hunter friends, their addiction to opiates and how they passed to overdosing.

He opens the box and sees his worst nightmare

“Sam” is all Dean could say and drops the box

Sam rushes to Dean’s side and sees what has fallen to the floor.

All the used needles, cotton balls and spoons. Along with the rubber bands. He also sees the unopened rigs.

“No” Is all Sam can say

He doesnt understand why you would want to inject anything into yourself with poison.

They get out of your roomand wait for you to come back to the bunker.

Dean has a few words for you.

Sam has a few questions for you.

They couldnt believe their baby sister would turn to drugs

Dean is beginning to understand the border line alcoholism but he always thought it was just something to help you sleep. He didnt think it was something to settle the withdrawals.

The next morning, Dean and Sam are still seated in the library waiting for you to walk through the doors. None of them moved from their seats, they stayed seated like that and waited for you. Dean was to heated to even move from his seat.

His anger turned to worry when you never showed. Until now, his nerves settled and now all he wants to do is hug you and lock you away. But he needed to say a few things first before he can do that.

As you come walking down the stairs and see your brothers in the library looking at you all tired looking. You were about to say something when you see a familiar box. Your heart begins to race.

“Morning guys, sorry I didnt come home last night and sorry I didnt call or anything” you say to break the ice but knew you should have said nothing and should have went straight to your room

“Y/n? What the hell is this crap?” Dean asks opening the box and pushing it towards you.

Your heart begins to beat rapidly because your brother has found your dirty secret. Your life long dirty secret.

“You went through my room?” you ask not even going to lie about the box they found.

What was the whole point in lying? They found it, they figured it out and you werent going to lie about it.

It was as if you secretly hoped they would find it, maybe them finding it would finally get you to stop and go to treatment.

“Of course we went through your room. We wanted to know what was making you feel so crappy and during hunts” Sam says next, he finally finds his voice.

“You found my dirty secret. Now what?” you ask as anger begins to form.

“Why? How long? This needs to stop now” Dean replies sternly, he didnt want to get too angry. Otherwise he would have ruined the whole plan he had.

“Or else what?” What are you going to do if I dont stop?”  you ask while looking to both of your brothers

They both went quiet, they didnt want to give any ultimatums cause they feared you would pick the poison over them and they knew you are going to pick that over them.

They wondered what they did wrong to make you turn to something else to numb out everything.

Sure Dean hasnt been the poster boy about opening up his feelings about anything and he feels he should have done that with you. At least.

Sam should have pestered you more about opening up. How he does with Dean, he should have done the same for you. He didnt and he feels ashamed.

“You know, I’ll make things easier for you” you break the silence and walk down the hall and into your room

“What do you mean make things easier for us?” Sam asks as he follows you down the hall

“Where the hell do you think your going?” Dean asks next following behind Sam

You grabbed what you could and what you thought was clean. At least it was warm clothing anything, it was beginning to get a bit nippy out there.

“Im leaving. That way I wont be such a burden to either of you anymore” you reply while walking back down the hall and up the round stairs

“Y/n, no. Stay here and we will help you” Sam pleads with you as he follows

“Y/N!! Stop” Dean raises his voice

“You arent a burden. Stay, so we can figure out how to help you and let us help you” Sam continues as he looks to you.

You are at the top of the stairs and finally with one final thought. You turned the door knob and walked out.

Dean runs up the stairs and tries to block you from going any where but he is too late. He ran out the door and you were gone. He yells for your name, looks around and continues to yell for you.

Nothing, it was as if you disappeared into thin air and he wondered where you went or what direction you took.

“Son of a bitch” Dean says as he looks around with both of hands behind his head.

Tears fill his eyes as a lone tear streams down his face. He falls to his knees, feeling defeated he let this happen. Defeated he let anything go this far and didnt notice anything to begin with.

Sam comes running to him and looks around as well.

“Sam, shes gone. I couldnt catch up to her. I let her go” Dean tries to keep his emotions together. But he releases a sob

“We’ll find her, someone has to see her and security cameras are every where and one of those ust of caught her” Sam says as he helps Dean to his feet.

Months went by, Dean and Sam never stopped searching for you. Drove from town to town, Dean always tracked better when he was on the road. But his leads always went cold. You knew better to go off track cause you knew he would track you.

Finally Dean’s phone begins to ring. He takes out his phone so fast and answered it like his life depended on it. In a way it did.

Dean talks on the phone for a long period of time and Sam is getting anxious. He doesnt what is going on or who is calling.

Finally Dean gets off the phone.

“Well who was that? What did they say? Say anything about y/n?” Sam asks way too quickly

Dean couldnt understand a word he said, all due to the phone call he just got and that shocked him more.

“That was Y/n’s doctor. She was admitted yesterday and he told me that they saved her from an overdose. That its their third time saving her from the overdose. Why they never called the first couple times was because she didnt list any family members as emergency contacts. Sam we got to go. We got to get our baby sister” Dean finally says and begins running to his room to begin packing.

Sam couldnt believe those words came out of Dean’s mouth. More like he couldnt believe you wouldnt add him or Dean as your emergency contact to begin with. Until now.

They drove for hours and hours.

As they stand at your door, they see you laying on your hospital bed, IV in one hand while the nasal cannula is inserted.

Your attention is brought to the door and you couldnt believe your brothers are standing right in front of you.

“Hi” you break the silence as the greeting came out a little raspy and small

Your brothers came further into the room.

Dean is the first one who hugs you.

“Hi, I missed you” as a tear streams down his face

He hold yous a little longer, feeling as though he is going to wake up and realize its all a dream and have to wake up to a bunker without you in it.

“I missed you so much” he says as he holds onto you a little longer and tighter.

He feels as though you were going to dissolve away if he let you go. Again

“What the hell happened?” he asks taking a seat by your bed side

“I chased and ended up here” you simply answer your brother.

Well you felt ashamed by answering him

“Your face” is all Dean could say

He sees the bruises on your face, the dark circles around your eyes and how sunken in your face is. He is thinking as if he is looking at your skull.

“Ooh, I owe money to my dealer and he made an example out of my face. A few times. So to medicate, I chased the high so much, that I practically chased myself in here” you reply to your brother and look around the room

“The only way for us to get you out of here is you go to treatment and get help. Dean and I were talking along the way and thats our ultimatums” Sam says while Dean looks to him in annoyance

Dean wanted some time with you before he sent you to treatment.

“Ok, ok. I will get the help. I will go to treatment, I wanna come home” you tell them as you begin to cry.

Sam is happy and hugs you. Tears stream down his face as a sigh of relief escapes his mouth

“Thats what I want, for you to come home and go get help. We want to be there for you. We love you” Dean says as he hugs you.

He felt relieved he heard those words coming out of your mouth, as if all of his stress has been removed and now he can finally settle his nerves. Kind of.

For them it was an eternity. Dean felt as though he was in hell all over again but this time felt longer.

Sam felt like he was in the cage all over again in trying to look for you. Or he felt as though he didnt have a soul. Having you around was better and you are Sam’s other half just like Dean is his other half.

When all three of you are together, its as though everyone feels complete but when separated, thats when everything crumbles.

You felt like you are getting your family back, after being away from your brothers for so long. Well more like after running from your problems and creating more. You really felt like you are getting them back and earning their trust.

You and your brother hunted like a family again. Better than ever.

[criticalintellect]

UGH alright let's try this, hopefully I'll be coherent. So I've had my twitter account for about a year now(?) and every month or so, for about a week, just outta nowhere people suddenly feel like shitting on Lovecraft. The last two times it makes sense how it came about since we had gotten news that a new Call of Cthulhu "sequel" was getting made. The premise we were given was goddamn horrendous, but it's popped up again because it's creator felt like being a cunt on Twitter for some reason: Call of Cthulhu: Death May Die. Shelving the fact that sounds like a Devil May Cry parody, I won't focus too much on the game, though I will say it's NOTHING like the Terminator ripoff we were told it was gonna be (I could be mistaking DMD with another boardgame abortion using H.P.'s work) and the wording in the game synopsis I found is completely contrary to cosmic horror; talking about fighting the Old Ones and "shoot[ing] it in the face". Eric Lang is the man of the hour; he's had quite a bit of experience in boardgames and even video games, working on Duelyst (which I really did like). So to see this man in search of a personality put on his most psychotic stare, trim his pubic hair wig, and stand in front of a cardboard cutout of H.P. Lovecraft and give it the finger, all to post it on twitter and say he hates this man and his work...while at the same time profiting from his work DIRECTLY. I'm a little...perturbed. These retard fests always come in at least 3 flavors: Lovecraft was a racist, dO yOu KnOw WhAt He NaMeD hIs CaT?!?!?!, and Lovecraft didn't contribute anything and all his fans are racist. No to all 3.

Now maybe I'm hanging on semantics, but from my reckoning I would say HPL was more xenophobic than racist. He didn't hate other people or races. Yes he did believe that certain people had "superior" genetics, but never in his notes have I seen him go on tirades about how those of "lesser" genes need to be culled or anything. He literally just wanted them to leave him and his neighborhood alone. He wanted them to live, just not near him. Again, maybe semantics, I leave the distinction to greater intellects. But of greater importance, something these Lovecraft detractors refuse to comprehend, was that we have written proof that HPL RENOUNCED his xenophobic views towards the end of his life. Thanks to the friends he made, his moving to New York, and being exposed to other people he saw the error of his ways. And he recanted. And the people shitting on his grave do not care, saying that it didn't matter. It's cancel culture at it's finest, but since they can't cancel a dead man all they can do is destroy his works. Or at least attempt to, fruitlessly. The plus side of having 100 year old works of fiction is that they've been in circulation for so long is that plenty of people know the fiction and know when someone has made a shit interpretation of it.

Now, about that cat. See it wasn't Howard that named that cat, but rather his father. The cat was adopted by and named by him. And then his father was committed to an asylum and the cat passed into his son's and wife's care. And yes, the cat was called Niggerman, shocker. It was the 1880s.

"Lovecraft had no impact on anything". Stephen King, Gullermo del Toro, Ridley Scott, Neil Gaiman, Junji Ito, Kentaro Miura, Clive Barker, John Carpenter, Mike Mignola and H.R. Giger. All of these artists were influenced by Lovecraft and his horror. But sometimes his touch was a little less obvious, as he was friends with Robert E. Howard, the creator of Conan the Barbarian and Solomon Cane. He was a man who would very openly share ideas he had for his own work, but not having a great opinion of said work would pass it onto authors he believed could better implement his ideas. He was never a man to jealously protect his property and openly allowed ANYONE to add onto the mythos he unwittingly created. And that's a major reason how his mythos has engrossed so much of our culture over the last century, even when the property wasn't directly connected to the Cthulhu mythos. As to the assertion that we're all racists: even if I agreed Howard Philips Lovecraft was racist and even if it wasn't public knowledge that he became a better person late in life, I am capable of separating a creator from his work. I can read Shadow Over Innsmouth and Call of Cthulhu and The Dunwich Horror and agree that if you look deep enough there's some skeevy themes, but if you put that aside there's some damn good suspense and horror. For as fucked up as K-Pop is I don't see any of their stans calling out the industry while admitting they still like the music, it's just blanket denial. Yet shitheads with that kinda mindset wanna come after a man's legacy like he enslaved all of Africa all on his lonesome?

At the end of it all, Lovecraft's works will endure all of this mind numbing clout chasing. Eric Lang can do cringey, performative wokeness while being a massive hypocrite all he wants, Lovecraft will endure. But it will always bother me the amount of frothing, myopic hatred HPL gets. The fans have told these people how he reformed, how he shared his works with people of all walks of life, how he MARRIED A JEWISH WOMAN (and yes he had distasteful opinions of Jews too), but it's never enough. If Daryl Davis can change the minds of 200+ KKK members, then why can't we give people from the past the benefit of the doubt. Then again these are also the type of people that called Davis a racist and other assorted idiocy so...I dunno. Lovecraft was a flawed man, plagued by nightmares, coddled by a mother who slowly lost her mind over time and ended up in the same asylum as her husband (the one he died in too). And even through all of that he found a way to be a better man. He shared his works, he found a way to intimately connect with a woman (even though it sounds like it was very difficult for both of them), and towards the end of his life he admitted his ideas of genetic superiority were downright abhorrent. If we can't give even this man the benefit of the doubt, then your only hope of being accepted by the hate mob is if you're born a literal son of God.

And if you dont like HPL then fuck right off out of my fandom because we do not care about your lukewarm take about him being a racist and we need to rewrite his works. Piss off

Edit: Hoo boy this has gotten around and about, further than I thought it would've. I know it's a bit strange, but thank you to everyone for showing support. Didn't think anyone would read one of my long-winded rants, let alone think it worth of sharing. At first I was just a casual fan of Lovecraft like most people; Cthulhu here, "hey I get that"; a shoggoth there, "ah neato." But after seeing him get so much hatred it started to feel wrong. Then learning what a tragic man he was and seeing Twitter attempt to eviscerate this man...I had to put my thoughts somewhere and this was the only place I had a chance to get it out there and people actually see it. So thank ye kindly strange sea of friends

[sambergscott]

a peralta guarantee

“I promise I’ll come home safe, Ames. That’s a Peralta Guarantee.”

(missing scenes from 7x08 - amy worrying about jake)

hUge thanks to johanna for inspiring this fic and helping when i had a lil breakdown halfway through

When he approaches her desk mid-afternoon with a decaf coffee and the white chocolate chip cookies she’s been craving from the bakery across town, she knows he’s either a) broken something, b) wants something or c) has bad news. She narrows her eyes suspiciously, detecting an excited bounce in his step which can only mean it’s b and c; he wants something she’s not going to like.

“Hey, babe,” he tries to play it cool, clearing a butt-sized space on her desk on which to sit. “I come bearing gifts.”

“What do you want, Peralta?” She cuts to the chase.

“Damn it, you know me too well,” he mutters. “OK, so, here’s the thing: Doug Judy’s gettin’ married. He invited me to his Bachelor Party this weekend and I know he’s a criminal, Ames, but I really wanna go. Like, so bad. Would you be cool with that?”

She conjures up a mental pro and con list. On one hand, Doug Judy is The Pontiac Bandit, known felon, committer of God knows how many crimes, an overall bad dude. On the other, he’s Jake’s friend, singer of the smush songs CD in the glove box of their car that they always forget to take out, giver of the Le Creuset pot she adores. He’s always been nice to her and—.

“Sarge?” Gary interrupts her decision-making process with a quick question about a perp he just brought in, snapping her back to reality. She’s a Police Sergeant, her job is to serve and protect the city they call home and as much as she loves cooking her mom’s beef casserole recipe in Judy’s awesome wedding gift, she has a responsibility to bring him in.

“I’m sorry, babe. I just think it’s a bad idea.”

His face falls, his disappointment coming through loud and clear.

“What were you expecting me to say? Ignore the million arrest warrants out on this guy, many of them submitted by you, so you can drink beer and go to strip clubs?”

“You’re right,” he sighs. “You’re obviously right. Man, being good at your job sucks.”

She nods in agreement. “Remember last month when I had to shut that binder store down for running a secret drug dealing operation out back?”

“How could I forget? You cried for three days straight.”

“They had the best binder collection I’ve ever seen!”

(It was actually what was so fishy about it. In four trips to buy pregnancy binders, she hadn’t seen any of the founding members of the Brooklyn Binder Babes blog — Mary Sue, Catherine, Margaret or Jane — once. And there’s no way a stationery start-up would attract such long queues without their recommendation. It was a pretty easy solve from there).

“The point is, you can’t go to a criminal’s Bachelor Party.” She pats his hand. “You’ll just have to come maternity clothes shopping with me instead. None of my jeans fit me anymore.”

“As much as I would love to, you can take Kylie. I’m going to the party.”

“What?” She double-takes. “Jake, did you not listen to what I literally just said? We’re cops. We cannot be friends with criminals.”

“But we can be friends with informants who have helped us catch numerous, even bigger, more dangerous criminals,” he says with that look on his face, the one he gets when he finds a loophole that he can use to his advantage. She recognises it from home videos Karen has shown her where, instead of tidying his room like she asked him to, seven year old Jake shoves everything under his bed and carries on enacting a police chase with his race cars. “Captain Holt has given him immunity before, so technically I should be able to go party it up with him in Miami!”

“Wait... It’s in Miami? Miami... Florida?”

It’s a stupid question, she knows. Of course he means Miami, Florida. It’s just... they both promised on the flight home that they would never, ever go back there. After everything that happened with Figgis and not knowing if they’d ever see each other again, a statewide travel ban seemed a good way to put it all behind them, focus on all their future moments together, not on all the moments they missed.

“This isn’t like last time,” he reassures her. “It’s only for a weekend and then I’ll be coming straight home for snuggles with you and —,” he lowers his voice to a whisper because they haven’t told anyone she’s pregnant yet, “the baby.”

Her eyes fill with tears and she bites her lip so hard to stop them overflowing in front of all her uniformed officers. It’s pretty clear that he wants to go and she never wants to be one of them wives who control their husbands’ every move. All she wants is for him to be happy. And if going to Doug Judy’s Bachelor Party makes him happy, he should go, no matter how much she hates the entire state of Florida. She agrees, on one condition: “You have to text me hourly updates to let me know that you’re still alive.”

“Don’t I text you constantly anyway?”

“I guess so,” she sniffs.

He lifts her chin so she’s looking him in the eyes. “I promise I’ll come home safe, Ames. That’s a Peralta guarantee.”

“You better,” she warns, tears suddenly flowing down her face at the thought of him not coming home, not being there to watch Property Brothers with her, not raising their baby and proving to everyone what a great dad he will be.

Used to her extra strength pregnancy hormones shifting her emotions from 0 to 100 faster than John McClane can say “Yippie-Ki-Yay, motherfucker”, he pulls her into a tight hug, careful not to crush the precious cargo that is behind said mood swings.

He strokes her hair and whispers that he’ll be home before she knows it and that nothing, not even the worst state in the country, will tear him away from her.

When it’s time for him to leave, she follows him out to the street and, after a brief argument over the fact he packed his bag before he OK’ed the trip with her and another hormone-induced cry when his cab shows up, reluctantly waves goodbye.

True to his word, he texts her before the car is even out of sight. Miss you already 😘.

--

Her phone buzzes periodically throughout the rest of the day.

In a meeting with Holt and Terry: flying on mark cuban’s dope ass private plane!!!!! ✈️

Cooking dinner: florida is HOT (not as hot as u babe, dont worry)

Doing her crossword in bed: g’night ames, g’night baby, love u both SO MUCH

She smiles, tells him she loves him too and braces herself for the barrage of drunk texts and selfies coming her way.

--

Sleeping without him sucks. The bed is cold, her pregnancy pillow is not as good of a cuddle buddy and she tosses and turns all night worrying about him, where he is, what he’s doing, whether he’s safe.

Her eyes finally slip shut around 1 am when her phone buzzes. Again. And again. And again.

She tries to ignore him, bury her head under her pillow and go back to sleep, but the messages keep coming thick and fast. She groans, giving up and unlocking her phone.

There are 47 new messages from him.

Forty-seven.

Her initial annoyance at being woken up quickly disappears as she scrolls through the thread. He’s mostly sent her random, meaningless emojis and keysmashes, interspersed with the odd “I love you”, “you’re my best friend” and “I’m thinking about you” that warm her heart. He mentions something about their proposal, about crying with Doug Judy, which obviously makes her cry too.

(Dumb pregnancy hormones).

By the time she reaches the bottom, he’s sent her 10 more.

She decides for her sake — and the sake of all of her officers who would have to deal with a tired, emotional pregnant lady — to turn off her phone and reply to him in the morning.

She returns her phone to her nightstand, settles back into a comfortable position and closes her eyes.

She lies motionless for what feels like hours, unable to fall asleep. She tries the breathing technique her brother David brags about constantly, counting sheep like little Matthew, even reciting police codes like Teddy used to go to sleep after sex. Nothing works. She’s still awake.

She turns her phone back on to see what Jake’s up to now, only to see his messages ended abruptly with a caterpillar emoji over an hour ago.  

She immediately panics, dialling 911 into her phone.

Her thumb hovers over the green call button.

She’s heard thousands of crazy operator call stories, frequently reminded the general population to only call in a genuine emergency and watched the YouTube compilations for fun. She deletes the number, positive that if she told an operator her husband was missing because she hadn’t heard from him while he’s at a Bachelor Party, she’s positive she would be added to those videos.

In an attempt to stop her spiral, she contemplates the possible scenarios in which his constant texts would cease.

Scenario 1: He’s living in the moment and has put his phone away (something she has been encouraging him to do lately to reduce his screen time)

Scenario 2: He’s very drunk and has completely forgotten about his promise

Scenario 3: He used up all his battery texting her and his phone has died

Scenario 4: He’s fallen asleep (although a quick check of Trudy Judy’s insta reveals the party is very much still in full flow)

Scenario 5: Judy’s criminal buddies have killed him and thrown his body into the ocean

Once the thought pops into her head, no amount of squeezing her eyes shut will make the image go away.

Holt giving an emotional eulogy about wearing ties and being an amazing detective/genius.  

Some rookie taking over his desk.  

The sympathetic looks when she tells all the other moms in baby group that her husband died.  

Usually Jake is there to hold her when her nightmares get bad. She rolls over, expecting to see his kind eyes and soft smile, the untouched side of his bed only serving to make her cry harder.

She can’t lose him. Not yet. Not until they’re old and grey, and maybe not even then. She spent so long denying her feelings for her dorky partner, rueing every missed opportunity to be together, and when they finally, finally took the plunge, she had never been happier. She can’t lose him yet. They have so much more life left to live.

She can’t lose him because he promised her he would come home safe. He guaranteed it.

She clings onto the tiny grain of hope like one might cling onto a raft in the middle of the ocean.

He would never break a Peralta guarantee.

--

Her phone finally buzzes again an hour later.

From: Unknown

Ames, it’s me, Jake. Judy’s buddies found out I’m a cop + destroyed my phone. So sorry I couldn’t text before. Hope you didn’t worry too much, although I know you probably haven’t slept. You can stop worrying now. I’m safe. Love you + see you tomorrow.  

Love you too, she responds, yawning as she places the phone back on the side table.

Relieved that he’s OK, and exhausted from all the worrying, she falls into the easiest sleep she’s ever had.

--

Before she knows it, it’s the next afternoon, Jake’s keys are turning in the lock, he’s dropping his holdall on the floor and rushing to her side to kiss her all over her face.

“I missed you too,” she laughs, kissing him properly.

“Sorry it took so long — Doug and Trudy made me fly commercial —.”

“Don’t worry about it. You’re home now. That’s all that matters.”

“I’m never leaving you two again,” he swears.

“You’ll have to leave us eventually to go to the bathroom and stuff,” she points out, raking her fingers through the unruly curls that she so hopes their baby will inherit. “Just don’t go back there.”

A solemn understanding passes over his face and he nods. “Never again. Not even if our kid wants to go to Disney World. We’ll take them to the California one instead.”

“Smort,” she says, stealing his line and in an instant, that familiar grin is back.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

A dozen memories flood back, of oldies in short shorts and shuffleboard and Doug Judy getting away again. Of noice and smort and saying “I love you” for the very first time. Her eyes fill with tears — dumb pregnancy hormones strike again — as she buries her face in his shoulder.

“Let’s go to bed,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to the top of her head and lifting her bridal style to carry her to their room. He places her carefully onto the mattress and flops down next to her.

She snuggles into him, eyes closing once more. “Did we even get an invite to the wedding?”

“Not even close,” he sighs.

“Damn it. I would’ve loved to see that trainwreck.”

“You and me both, babe. You and me both.”

[thewritingstar]

Waiting in the Rain

Pairing: Gruvia

School starts tomorrow and although I’m excited, i really dont wanna go. Anyways, sorry for falling off the face of the earth for a little bit and hopefully more fics with be produced. Hope you all enjoy.

This is set when Gray leaves Juvia for the six months to go to the dark guilt. 

Heres your daily cup of angst. Extra angsty. 

----

Guilt.

Guilt was something he was no stranger too. Every since he was little he had carried a burden on his shoulders for years.

Watching his master die in front of him and blaming himself for her death was one thing he had learned to let go. It took time but after years of reliving that nightmare, he knew there was nothing he could have done.

He fought that battle and won. He could be at peace with her now.

But there was certain guilt that eats at you. Makes you unable to sleep and eat properly because it’s tearing you from the inside out.

There’s small reminders that carve into your brain, making sure that you know what you did.

His stomach churned for the worse and he couldn’t even describe the feeling deep in his gut as he approached the edge of the town.

It used to be a sacred place for them. He can remember the warmth of the memories and how much he desperately craves for those moments back. He’d give everything.

But now. As he wonders, it’s the complete opposite. It’s dark and cold, numbing to say the least. And if you were to stay longer than five minutes, you might catch a cold from the storm that rages above.

But he keeps going, passing the shops he once knew that were now abandoned. This place had become a waste land, all because of him.

He walks towards a familiar trail, one he hiked for months. But now it felt more like a death march, and he had no business to be there.

The flowers along the path had suffocated from the water pouring down and since no sun had come through in ages, everything had begun to die. And he was one of them.

He thought that leaving would be fine. He was a fool to think so. He didn’t care how drenched he got as his feet stopped at the edge of a lawn, or well a garden of weeds and muddy puddles.

This pain in his chest was unbearable and looking at the small cottage was almost too much to handle.

He would like to say he had never been a victim of heartbreak, but right now, his heart had shattered beyond repair.

His dark eyes found the way to the window and the tears came as easy as the clouds above.

Instead of the dancing and singing he would see, there was nothing. Just complete darkness that swirled on what used to be his home.

He didn’t know how he managed to walk further, to clutch the handle on the back door. But he didn’t go in, he couldn’t.

He had a mission to accomplish and it was a risk to come back here. But he had to know.

He thought that his undercover work would be easy and that he could slip away in the night and she could go on with her life.

He knew this would happen, but yet he still went.

It was for the greater good, yet the one person he vowed to himself he would protect had now received the worst pain among them all.

His hand came up to the glass as he peered inside. The kitchen was spotless but in a way that looks as if it was never used. The pillows on the couch had been tossed to the floor matching the blankets.

And then his heart stopped, his breath caught in his throat and his spine became glossed over with a chilling threat.

He watched as she came out of a room and toward the kitchen.

Sadness.

Despair.

Heartbreak.

All of those were present on her face and her movements were sluggish and each stepped seem worse than the last.

Even through the glass he could see the bags under her eyes and that they were slightly bruised from the pain she had shed.

He watched as she poured herself a glass of water and just, stared at it. Then walked towards the couch.

He saw he pick up a pillow and hug it to her chest as she rocked back and fourth slowly staring at nothing. Her eyes were a void but before they sucked you in and made you question why the stars were even created when she captured the world in her eyes. Now they were black holes, destroying everything in her way.

He knew he was the reason for this. And to make it worse he had to go out and tell her how he felt.

He really left her after he expressed how much she meant to him and now she had caused this.

—

The window was slightly cracked and even thought the rain he could hear her. She didn’t say much but a few sniffles and sometimes a sob.

He would have to leave eventually but he found that it was a daily routine to go and see her.

He’d walk through the town he once called a home, wondering about the people he knew and thinking about where they left when the rain came crashing down.

He had finally made it to the cabin one day, saying to the dark guild that he was making a three day trip south but in all honesty he was going to see her.

He knew he couldn’t show up on the door step or even say anything. It might just break her. But apart of him wanted her to open the door and see him. A part of him wanted her to be angry.

She had been full of so much love, he thought he was unworthy and maybe pure hatred of him could help cure the guilt. If she never wanted to see him again, just maybe he could bare with the pain.

But for some reason he stood at the back door again. Luckily they were tinted and he knew that she didn’t have enough sense to probably even notice him, that’s how broken she was.

He never said a word or gave off that he was there. It wasn’t right nor fair.

But as he waited to see her come to the kitchen, he heard a cry. Not the usual sobbing or sniffles of the past few days and weeks but the type of tears you shed when all hope is lost.

He knew the moment Ur died was when it happened. And now he caused it.

He didn’t know why he opened the door and didn’t know why he ran towards her bedroom. He didn’t know why he was suddenly watching her cry her heart out and how he feel to his knees and hugged her to his chest and kissed her forehead and clung to her like she was his life line.

He couldn’t tell you how good it felt to have her in his arms and he could feel the cold tears soaking his dark cloak and the way her body trembled from a unforgivable cold that had taken over her body the day he had left.

“I’m sorry.” He began to sob into her shoulder and her fingers magically tighten around his shoulder as he held her.

He kissed her cheek and her forehead. Kissed her cold hands and her nose. And his lips hovered over hers, a weight hung over his head.

Still she had made no noise. And he thought that maybe she thought this was a dream. A delusion and that if she dared to open her eyes, he would be gone.

There were shivers as he picked her up. Carrying her towards the living room and setting her down on her makeshift bed. He picked up the blankets and tucked her in.

“You’re not him.” She whispered and her voice was almost damaged from the silence it was given.

Her heart ached in his chest as she think it was him. And she was right. This version of him was a fraud. One used to get close to dangerous people in missions.

“I know.” And he watched as her eyes had fluttered opened for the first time.

She was still breathtaking.

Her eyes traced his face but her expression remained blank and dark.

“I have to go.” He said and her cupped her cheek and ran his thumb softly across it. Her eye closed again as he knew that was the way he used to get her to sleep. A little affection that made her feel safe and at peace.

He got up with quiet feet and left the house once more.

As the days passed by he found himself visiting more and more. Most day he would just watch over her from the outside and he felt like a stalker but he needed to make sure she was okay, or alive to say the least.

But he stopped going for a while. Making sure to keep up his rep in the dark guild.

—

He found himself there again but she wasn’t there. Panic had set in and he began a goose chase around town, she hadn’t moved from their house in ages, why now.

The rain this time felt colder than usual. Almost like her soul was in each droplet. His mind was racing with thoughts but as the rain came down, he knew she was still alive.

His feet stopped as he saw her. He wanted to race to her, pick her up and spin her but he couldn’t. He had already done to much.

“Gray-sama?” Her voice small and hoarse.

He wanted to sink to his knees and cry out towards the sky. But then other voices joined.

“Juvia!”

Lucy.

Natsu.

Wendy.

Happy.

Carla.

They were here. And he watched in pain as Juvia collapsed in Natsu’s arms and her body had no strength left.

“I’m going to kill Gray when I see him.” Natsu sneered. And he deserved it.

He had to leave before he was spotted but one last voice made his heart break even more.

“It seems she’s been out here for weeks.”

Weeks

He hasn’t been back in three months.

He ran as fast as he could. Past the house, past the vendors and past the forest. He didn’t stop going until he was in his private quarters in the guild. Until his knees finally hit the floor.

His fists came down hard on the wooden boards and he let out a scream and thanked who ever made this castle since it was sound proof.

Anger bubbles within him. Angry at Erza for making him leave. Angry at himself for causing that pain. Anger at the world.

But even when his chest heaved and his knuckles cracked with blood, he couldn’t blame Erza.

He could only blame himself. At this point it wasn’t about the mission.

He realized in that moment when he saw her body fall into the arms of her guild mates that he loved her. And he didn’t know why he hadn’t told her. 

That living with her and training with her had solidified their relationship and that he would do what ever it takes to have that again.

He craved to have her by his side. He knew she thrived during their time of domestic bliss and he would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it either.

But how was he suppose to face the woman he loved when he did that to her? Causing her a type of heartbreak and pain that left her body hollow and cold.

He had to shake that feeling off, he had a job to do and now this fueled him. He wouldn’t let these past months of suffering ruin the plan and when they were done and all of this bullshit was over, he was going to prove to Juvia that he deserves to have her heart.

All those moments where she said she loved him wouldn’t die in vain and he vowed from then on to give her the life and love she deserves. If she would allow him too.

He rose from the ground, ready to strike at any moment. He knew Lucy and Natsu would find him soon and the battle would commence. He was ready to put an end to this dark guild plan for good. All for the sake of his love.

—-

He couldn’t believe it. She was running towards his with-a smile.

“Gray-sama!” She cheered but soon she fell into battle mode against Blair.

It happened to fast and soon they were alone. He couldn’t wait as he held her hand leading her to the room. They had barely spoken a word since the battle and she could feel how nervous he was.

“Gray” she said as he opened the door.

He closed and before she could speak, he cupped her cheek and rub his thumb along it. This was their thing, a peaceful gesture.

“Please, just let me.” He almost begged and she nodded as he closed the gap between them.

His lips slowly moved with hers and the kiss wasn’t rushed or steady. It was long and slow and painful. Because he wanted their first kiss to be full of bliss and heated love.

But instead she could feel his tears sliding down his cheek and one hand went to face and the other to his neck. She didn’t want him to feel her pain. She couldn’t allow all that pain she endured to cloud his mind but she knew he couldn’t do that. 

“Juvia doesn’t blame you.” She pulled back. 

“I know you don’t.” He stated. Because they were wizards and when you fight for your guild, everyone understands. But she didn’t have too.

“But it’s not okay.” He said and finally he had the courage to look her in the eyes.

They were full of life and love and sparkled brighter than before but they carried a depth of pain. 

“It’s not.” She agreed. “But Juvia knows you did it for the ones you love and even though she suffered for a short amount of time, you did it so we could have a future and she could never hate you for being strong. Gray, you went on a mission, you never truly left me.” She kissed his tears on his cheek. “Plus, Juvia remembers when you came. At first she thought it was a dream but she knew you always were watching.”

A sob escaped his lips and he held her tight, his hand wrapping into her tight curls as he lost his senses. “I love you so much. And I will never leave you again, I promise.”

His kissed her again and this time it escalated into something deeper. Like a craving they had been held hostage from for so long just wishing that they could be back in their private home together. 

He wanted to tell her over and over how much he loved her and as he kissed her again and again, she knew.

---

When he woke up the next morning, the sun was shining bright. Her body was now full of warmth as she snuggled closer to his chest and he felt like he could finally breath again. 

They had both suffered for months on end without each other, but now he knew it was worth the wait. 

----

Hope you enjoyed!!!! 

[shibalen]

💥hewwo can I pwease get a romantic male matchup for bnha (darkbox bc I live for angst) (music box) when you have the time uwu

Levi he/him gay entp supposedly (also if it's not too much to ask please no characters under the age of 18 please)

I've been described as having a strong and loud personality, I'm extroverted and outspoken. I'm pretty eccentric too.

I value friendship, kindness and standing up for others.

Goal wise I'm pretty aimless. I dont have any goals, if I die well I guess that's it babey. In the meantime I'm just here to help animals and people who need it.

Positive traits: I always stick up for people in need, I'm good at reading people, I'm good with animals, I love to make people smile and laugh, cheerful, good at talking my way out of bad situations, uhm. Friendly!

Negative traits would be: hot headed, loud, stubborn, arrogant, comes across as intimidating:( good at getting into bad situations, gets into fights very often. Can be spiteful, I've been described as a pyromaniac so theres that. Can be sadistic

What pisses me off: my father. I can and will cause trouble for that man for as long as I live. And people who pick on the weak.

My hobbies and interests areeee: true crime babey! Crying over video games, baking, the occult, taking naps, dream interpretations and tarot readings

Likes: animals, cats specifically, stars, fire, sunsets, supposedly haunted places, storms, being dramatic for the hell of it, tormenting people in a good hearted way

Dislikes: uhhhh hot weather I guess.

Quirks: uh I have 5 cats! Ones my fathers but he never takes care of his cat so i pretty much count him as my own (plus he likes me more than my dad and it pisses my dad off hehe) I have weirdly accurate intuition, it makes reading people easy, knowing what they want to hear and what they dont.

Uhhh dates and relationship wise I'm honestly happy doing whatever my s/o wants to do. All I want is to see their face light up.

My love language is physical touch, I dont like touching people but if it's someone I feel strongly about youd have to pry me away from them.

I once got kicked out of a library for starting a fight in it, trashy I know but I wasnt going to stand there and do nothing while my friends were being bullied and pressured into getting involved with a really dodgy man. I scared the bullies off for good at least B) they never bothered my friend again babey

Oh I'm also known around the area I live in as someone who's good at finding homes of lost pets. Often times I come across a lost animal and befriend it in no time and use my connections to find its family.

Sorry if this was rly long and thank you for your time!! I hope you have a fantastic day uwu if anything's too difficult to come up with ideas for I'm more than happy for you to change anything to make it easier for you too!

♡︎ matchup for anon

heya! here i am with another late matchup but i hope you still see this. i'm sorry about the delay (╯_╰)

bnha: i match you with . . .

natsuo todoroki !!

• this was one of those "heureka!" moments for me. you both hate your dads and hot weather? it's a match made in heaven! okay jk, these are just nice add-ons.

• what really made me consider Natsuo were your values and personality. kindness and friendships are important to both of you. Natsuo's a medical student so i am convinced helping others is high on his priority list too. he loves your driven and passionate nature because he doesn't go sugarcoating bs either.

• you're definitely the more energetic one while Natsuo only gets hot-headed about the things that are the most important to him. i think it's a good compromise, you can help each other out :)

• he was a little taken aback and cautious of your explosiveness at first but warmed up to it quickly after learning what a kind person you really were. now he thinks your dramatic attitude is funny during your sillier moments ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

• speaking of, you lads met at an animal shelter. there had been a dog that was astray in the neighbourhood of his home, so Natsuo, being a responsible boyo, took it to the local shelter.

• then there you were, standing by the help desk with five kittens wrapped in your jacket in your arms. apparently someone had been trying to drown them so you'd taken care of the situation accordingly.

• Natsuo understood jumping into a lake to rescue the poor animals because he would have done the same, but you could have had just called the police?? it was extremely ridiculous but admirable at the same time to beat all those guys up.

• your chat turned into a pleasant conversation afterwards as you were waiting for the animals to finish their check-ups. Natsuo was a bit shy but you didn't mind and kept the chat going which he appreciated.

• later he volunteered to help you look for good homes for the animals you'd both found. during this project the two of you got to know each other quite well and ended up hanging out together afterwards!

• and from that point on, everything fell into place naturally. the growing spark between you was undeniable and you both knew it. Natsuo definitely liked you longer, he was just a lil dense about it . . .

• you're nothing short of a hero in his eyes but dear lord he worries for you. when he's attending lectures he sometimes can't help but wonder if you're all right and not getting involved in anything violent.

• attends to your possible injuries while nagging you not to be so quick to start a fight next time. in return, you playfully bully him for being such a mom.

• you join forces with Fuyumi to pick on him about your relationship. even though you're already together, soft Natsuo still blushes when his affection for you is brought up, it's entertaining for both you and Fuyumi.

• idk if you've heard but Natsuo's 181cm tall!! hugging someone has never been easier even if you happen to be taller than him. the only thing is his skin's naturally kind of chilly so he's lowkey worried if you dislike it but you always assure him he's perfect!

• one time he was stressed over exams so you baked him some blueberry muffins. he gave you the biggest hug and kiss because it's exactly all these little things you do that set his heart racing for you ♡︎

• "last night i saw a dream about being a frog and eating giant flies, it was gross."

• "oh, that just means your love life is about to become fun."

• "i'm not sure how those two are related."

• "just trust me. i'm a pro at this."

• he also likes giving you headpats as much as he likes receiving them! his hands are quite big so he often runs his fingers through your hair when you're cuddling or hugging. it's especially relaxing after a long period of studying. also him carring you on his broad back ԅ(￣ε￣ԅ)

• you enjoy the little things in life and complain about your fathers together. you've agreed to wait a while before even mentioning your relationship to them because, honestly, Natsuo doesn't want any more horrible influences in your life.

• you get him sucked into the world of video games. it's always fun to watch him struggle but he never gets salty about losing maybe a lil he adores your smile as you laugh at him for being so bad at them.

• your dates include: helping out at animal shelters and retirement homes, video game and movie nights (especially about true crime), arcades and astronomy tower explorstions. i feel like Natsuo's more into traditional, romantic and chill dates and that's your usual thing. though i see sometimes you going to get coffee and ending up solving a 50-year-old murder case instead (✧ω✧)

❦︎ ink box

— despite Natsuo's best efforts to distance himself from Endeavor, it wasn't quite as easy and everyone was very much aware of the Todoroki family. and now the son of the number 1 hero had a lover.

— it wasn't actually that troublesome at first. some newpaper paparazzi occasionally annoyed you but you didn't care for them. most of the time Natsuo and you had your peace during dates aside from a few casual fans.

— but of course there are all sorts of people out there, some out for revenge, some for money, and being desperate means using even the lowest of methods to get what you want.

— so one time it happened, and it was all that took. several bitter villains thought they'd get their revenge through you, silly as it may sound. they made a big show of kidnapping you and demanding Endeavor to 'make up' for his wrongdoing. but all got resolved thanks to heroes, the only casualty being Natsuo's heart from almost exploding from worry and his deepening hatred for his father.

— later on, it wasn't that Natsuo was worried about you not being able to handle yourself, he feared what might happen if more of powerful villains came after you.

— so, after some debate, you agreed not to meet up for a short while to let the fuse of the incident settle down. it would be safer once the media forgot about it. you still texted and chatter over phone though!

— but then a week turned into two weeks, then into a month. you were wondering what was taking Natsuo to say the coast was clear and did a straight-up inquiry through a video chat.

— you could see he was restless the entire time. he said you should wait longer just to be sure everything was calm before meeting up. you became irritated because he was obviously lying and not being his normal, brutally honest self.

— why was he giving you this crap straight to your face?

— truthfully, Natsuo hadn't been sleeping all right recently. ever since that day he had reoccurring nightmares about something awful happening to you. they were just dreams, he knew. yet considering his ruffled up past and the frequency of those horrible visions, it would have been lie to say he was unaffected.

— paranoia just wouldn't leave him alone, and no matter how much he wanted to hold you in his arms again and hated making up stupid excuses, the voice at the back of his mind whispered this was for the best.

— after a month and a half had passed you've had just about enough, however. whatever reason he was keeping you in the dark for did no longer stop you from crashing into his house and demanding the truth.

— Natsuo knew you and expected this to eventually happen. after you made such a powerful entrance though he also knew there was no getting around it this time. really, it was comforting knowing you cared so deeply.

— he told you exactly what had been happening and you resisted the urge to punch him in the arm for having such a mindset. but the look in his beautiful grey eyes was so heartbreaking you threw yourself to embrace him instead. your touch was everything Natsuo had craved for for all this time.

— you skillfully assured him for the next couple of hours while keeping the talk light-hearted (he had obviously been overthinking way too much already). soon enough the issue was resolved and you had a sleepover right there to make uo for the lost time (Shoto and Fuyumi kept eavesdropping on you because y'all were being way too loud in a cute way).

— "i love you, Natsu, but if you ever keep something like this a secret from me again, i can't guarantee the safety of your arm or your front door."

♫︎ music box

— If I Had An Airplane by SayWeCanFly

— This December by Rick Montgomery

— Round & Laundry from Carole and Tuesday

— Haven't Had Enough by Marianas Trench

— Bowie On The Radio by Ryan McMullan

♡︎ runner up: Dabi / Touya Todoroki

thank you for requesting, hopefully you enjoyed this! i'm really pleased about matching you with Natsuo, it's just so perfect. have a lovely day and remember to take care of yourself ♡︎

[triforceangel13]

Waltz Within Chains Ch. 6 (A BakuDeku Omegaverse Fantasy Au)

Chapter  6: Shattered Dream

Izuku woke the next morning to a soft hand running through his hair and over his ears. He mumbled something softly and opened his green eyes, looking up at the dragon that he was snuggled closety with.

His head laid on his chest, his arm resting around his bare chest, the memories of the night before slowly coming to him.

Izuku's hand came to Katsuki's neck quickly, watching him wince when he felt the sharp sting of a new wound. Katsuki's hand was quick to grab his and pull it away.

“Careful. It's still healing,” he told him, setting the hand right back on his chest. Izuku cuddled close once more, relaxing a bit, a small look of an apology on his freckled face. The dragon rolled his eyes and pecked his forehead to show he forgave him.

That was right. He had marked Katsuki as his alpha last night. And then they had...

“Oh my god...” he mumbled, burying his face underneath the blanket. Soft laughter came from the dragon above him and Katsuki pulled the blanket up a bit to be able to look down at Izuku's rather flushed cheeks.

“Something wrong bunny?” he asked with a teasing tone to his voice. “Did someone just suddenly remember how much fun we had last night?”

“Yes,” Izuku answered, trying to pull the blanket over his head again but Katsuki kept a firm grip on the fabric.

“And what's so wrong with that?” Katuki asked, pushing his body down a little bit into the blankets and tugged the blanket over them both, enveloping them both in warm darkness.

“Nothing at all,” Izuku said quickly, looking up at him. “I just can't believe I acted in such a way. I never thought I could do something like that.”

“Well either way I did love every bit of it,” Katsuki said, leaning in to rest his lips against his bare shoulder, moving up to his mating mark where he laid a gentle nip. Izuku gasped, his body reacting a little bit just from this small touch.

“Looks like someone wants to have some fun again,” Katsuki laughed a bit, shoving off the blanket and rolled them over so that Izuku was laying flat on his back. The buny stared up at him, his cheeks a deep red but his bottom lip was tucked under his teeth.

Without a word he started to nod his head a little bit.

“Alright,” Katsuki said, leaning down to kiss his lips lightly. He pushed his legs open with his knee and smirked down at him. “But I've got to be gentle. You're still healing from your first time so it's going to be sore.”

Izuku nodded his head, his arms wrapping around Katsuki's neck as his wings extended out behind him. His heart raced hard in his chest, feeling like he was still dreaming. This was all very, very real though.

But dreams can turn into nightmares.

A loud crash came from the bedroom door being kicked in, breaking the lock on the door. Izuku let out a scared yelp, Katsuki pulling Izuku behind him, his wings spreading out to cover the prince's naked body.

“What is the meaning of this?” Katsuki snapped at them. Izuku grabbed hold of Katsuki's arm peeking his head out from behind him.

The oddly armored guards didn't answer and went into action at once, four of them approaching the dragon. His hands glowed hot but hearing the small whimper from his omega behind him he stopped. If he used his magic like that he could hurt Izuku too.

With his attentiong on Izuku they used this as a distraction and grabbed hold of him, tugging him off the bed and onto the floor. There they bound both his wrists in cuffed chains, using spears to pin his wings to the floor which he let out a grunt from the stinging pain.

“Please!” Izuku cried, climbing off the bed and went to kneel next to the dragon. One of the guards with the spears however held his hand up to block his path.

“Cover yourself up son, you're indescent,” he heard his father say. Izuku's eyes widened as he saw his father step into the room. He quickly grabbed the closest thing which happened to be Katsuki's shirt, which was large enough to cover him up.

“Father, why are you doing this?” Izuku asked, pushing past the guard that had blocked him and knelt down next to Katsuki, hands resting on his back. His hands were shaking, his stomach feeling like he was about to throw up whatever was in it. “What has Kacchan even done?”

Though it was quite obvious. They were both bare with Katsuki having been on top of him, kissing their troubles away. Anyone would know what they were doing together and would've done if they hadn't been intrupted.

“He defiled my son,” the king stated, looking down at the dragon in disgust. “He marked him when someone like him isn't supposed to marry royalty. You were meant to marry one of the alphas I had hand picked for you last night. And yet I come to find he had done it already years ago.”

Izuku paled, squeezing Katsuki's arm worried. When his father made up his mind there was no changing it.

“For this act he will be sent to the dungeons to await his trial,” the king stated, gesturing to the men to pull Katsuki up. One guard came up behind Izuku, pulling him up away from his apha who started to kick and squirm to get from his grasp.

“Kacchan!” Izuku cried out looking to him with wide scared eyes. Katsuki looked back to him. Every fiber in him wanted to comfort his mate but he was not in a position to be able to do so. “Father please! You cannot do this! I wanted him to do this. For years.”

“Your brain is clouded my son,” the king said, his back turned to him. “We will have someone come to break the claim on you soon enough. Im afraid it might hurt. You've been stuck under his spell for to long.”

Izuku gaped at his words, tears welling up in his eyes as she shook his head hard, his ears flopping back and forth in his face.

“No!” Izuku yelped, trying to push past the guard again as they started to pull Katsuki out of the room, his alpha struggling against them.

The king led the charge out of the room and Izuku felt the tears finally leak down his cheeks. He finally had gotten his alpha and now he had lost him in the course of only a few hours. This was a nightmare he wanted to wake up from.

“Kacchan!” Izuku cried out loudly.

Katsuki growled as he fought against the chains that were around his wrists but they were tight, digging into his skin with each movement he made.

His inner alpha was in overdrive. His mate was distressed and scared and he was being taken away where he couldn't comfort him. And what was worse was that the king was going to force their bond to break.

It would not only be painful physically but mentally as well. While Izuku's bond on him was brand new it wouldn't be that bad, he didn't think Izuku would make it himself if they broke his. He had to get out of this some how.

“You better not break that bond,” Katsuki growled at the king the closer they got to the dungeons. He had never been defiant but he was tired of this man trying to run Izuku's life. The bunny finally had a chance at happiness and the man was taking it all away.

Hisashi stopped walking as they got to the dungeon door and turned to the dragon with a scowl on his face.

“How dare you talk to me like that you dragon filth,” he spat at him. “I will take that claim away and rip that poison you had put into my son's mind for years.”

“If you do that you may as well end up killing him,” Katsuki growled right back at him, earning himelf a harsh punch in the face. He grunted, tasting blood.

“I will be saving him. You on the other hand I have no problems killing,” he finished. He gave a nod to his men as they carried him into the dungeon.

Katsuki growled against their hold, attempting to use magic but when he tried it came out in a puff of smoke.

“What the...” he growled, looking at his hands as they were cuffed to the wall. He tried again but once more smoke was the only thing that greeted him.

“Don't even bother trying to use your magic. These men are specialized in blocking magic,” the king said with a smirk of his own. “Don't worry, your fate will come soon. For touching my son. For marking him. You will be killed for your crimes.”

Katsuki growled and tried to jump at him again but the chains tugged his wrists back. The king growled and stepped from the room, the door closing behind him, the only light coming through the bars into the room.

“Oh shut it. I dont even see what my wife or son saw in you,” he stated, leaving Katsuki alone as he and the guards left.

“Izuku..” he mumbled, feeling his body shiver. Without his magic he couldn't keep his bare body warm. He'd find a way out of this. He had to.

He didn't want to see Izuku get hurt.

*

Dressed in different clothing Izuku ran to his mother's study, panic striking his handsome features. He was having a hard time even moving. His backside hurt and his vision was blurry from the tears leaking down his cheeks, yet he pressed on.

He couldnt lose Katsuki this way. Yes what they had done had gone against the throne but was that really on grounds for treason?

Izuku hestitated outide the door. His father had placed the whole blame on Katsuki. In a way he was trying to protect him but at the risk of destroying what little happiness he had in this life. This life where he wasn't allowed to make his own choices.

His mother had to have some sort of solution. She had helped for so many years. All the anger of her not telling him of who his alpha was flew from his head.

He just wanted her help to get him back.

He knocked on the door and cracked it open. Inko sat at a desk, sipping a cup of tea. As the door opened and she saw the familiar ears poking in first she smiled and set her cup down, happy to see her son.

“Izuku,” she said warmly. “What brings you here? I would have thought you'd still be with...Well I mean.” Did everyone know what they did?

Izuku stepped in, closing the door behind him.

“Father took him away,” Izkuku whispered.

Inko was quiet a moment. “He what?”

Izuku sat down in the chair before her desk slowly and that's where more tears streamed down his cheeks.

“Father took Kacchan away,” Izuku sobbed hard. “He caught the two of us in bed together and he proclaimed because Kacchan claimed me as his omega, he has committed treason against the kingdom.”

Inko's skin paled and she rose from her seat quickly, going to her son's side and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

“He's going to sentence him to death mother...” Izuku cried, clinging to his mother. “I just found my alpha...I don't want to lose him.”

Inko pet his hair gently, biting her bottom lip. This was not what she expected. She had been ready to smooth her way into letting Izuku have Katsuki be his alpha but things had gone very wrong. She couldn't see how it could get worse.

“And father said he also wants to bring someone in to break the bond,” Izuku added with a hiccup. Inko tightened her arms around him. No it certainly had gotten worse.

“I won't let that happen Izuku,” she said to him softly, petting his hair gently and kissed the top of his head as he cried into her arms. “I will make sure that I will let the two of you be together. I promise you this.”

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