#i dont think im doing much this weekend other than just being at my dads so i Should be able to work a lot

[huuuuughes]

First Time Feeling - Mat Barzal x Reader

Pairing: Mat Barzal x Fem!Reader

Word count: 6.4k

Warnings: so much fluff, did i go overboard? maybe lol

A/N: this was my first time participating in a fic exchange and i honestly had so much fun. this is for the summer fic exchange 2k24 hosted by the lovely @wyattjohnston. it is written for the also fantastic @ahockeywrites! i am your friendly neighborhood exchange writer. i hope you enjoy it as much as i did writing it!

also i used google translate for the french. pls dont come for me if its not right im doing my best

It’s that time of year, when hockey pauses and every hockey player you know has a wedding because they scarcely get to have them in season. Growing up a coach's daughter, you were not unfamiliar with NHL weddings, and it meant your best friends were other kids from the organization your dad was in at the time. Now that you were getting to be that age it meant everyone you knew was having weddings.

Except you.

You were the one single person remaining in the bridal party for your best friend. Everyone did their best to try and include you without making it feel like third wheeling but sometimes it felt like that anyway. It wasn’t like they could help it and you were always happy for them. Weddings just seemed to rub salt in a wound now. Being alone scared you more than a lot of things. Which is why you were taking this bachelorette weekend to let loose and have fun. At least more than you usually let yourself. Your ability to do shots at a fast pace and without hesitation got you to that buzzed feeling a little too quickly.

But everyone was having fun. The band that was playing for the bar was insanely good and every song kept making you wanna dance. You managed to drag a few of your friends out onto the dance floor with you and it was the first time you felt free in a very long time.

“We’re gonna go get a drink, do you want something?!” Hannah attempts to yell over the volume of the music.

“YEAH, just water is good! Thanks!” You didn’t want to leave the dance floor- you were having a really good time. You let the music be your happy place for the moment, forgetting any problem you had before coming in the door. Out of the corner of your eye you noticed a trio of men looking at you. And then you have to do a double take, because you’d just seen those same 3 men at the previous bar, and the one before that…

Moving to a different spot on the dance floor didn’t seem to help. Hannah still wasn’t back from the bar and you were starting to think that these creeps were trying to form some kind of blockade. It was unsettling, but your usual fears were blurred by the alcohol that was currently coursing through your veins. You had forgotten there was a reason you didn’t like to drink that often. Then there was a tap on your shoulder, and as you turned around one of them was right there.

“You wanna dance sweetheart?” He screamed in your ear.

“No thanks! Just waiting for a friend!”

“I don’t see that friend anywhere right now, why don’t you want to dance?” Attempting to get closer to you, he moved forward causing you to back up into a stranger. Another one of his friends, you discovered, once you saw the first one smirk like there was some kind of inside joke that you weren’t in on.

“I said no.”

“That’s not what that outfit says.”

“Get away from me you fucking creep.” Your voice was firm, attempting to just go back to having fun. You closed your eyes, trying to let the music flow through you again. When you opened them there was yet another man coming at you, but this one didn’t feel threatening. He looked familiar, like you had maybe seen him before in passing. You couldn’t place it sober, and you definitely couldn’t in the current state you were in. He was making a beeline for you, pushing the first creep out of his way and almost onto the ground.

“Holy shit babe, there you are!You, my love, are too drunk! Time to go home!” Before you knew it he was reaching for your waist and your feet were no longer touching the ground. He throws you over his shoulder like you were nothing but a paper weight. Instead of the panic you should have felt, you relaxed over him. You didn’t fight the motion, it felt good to just stop for a moment. But then you realized that you really didn’t know who this was either and you just let a strange man pick you up and carry you out of the dance floor area.

“UM YEA HI, WHO ARE YOU?” You attempted to yell at him but the music was still loud. He either didn’t hear you or chose not to respond because you didn’t receive a response.

“Excuse me! Sir! I demand to know who you are please!”

Still nothing from him. He was like a big brick wall.

“JUST BECAUSE I'M SMALL DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN JUST MAN HANDLE ME.”

But then you were on the ground again. It had felt like years before he set you down again but when he did you were once again reunited with your friends. You finally had a chance to get a good look at the stranger who carried you. He was definitely over six feet tall, and was honestly the hottest man you’d ever seen in your life. His eyes were a soft brown color that you could almost drown in. His hair was also brown, and fell in different directions all over his head. The expression on his face was a neutral one, but you felt drawn to him.

“Girl holy shit, why didn’t you tell us those creeps were still following you?!”

“Stop shouting at him babe, you are FINE!”

“You guys failed to mention your friend was such a chatterbox when she’s intoxicated.” The man laughed, but you could barely focus on anything with the way the world seemed to be swaying about.

“Thanks so much Mat, for rescuing our friend. She’s kind of key to the wedding festivities this weekend.”

“No problem. I hope your night gets better from here. Tell Coach I said hi. Maybe I’ll see you this weekend ladies.” He winked, like he knew he was going to but was just saying that to be clever. He looked like he felt accomplished about your frustrated state. As if he found it cute or endearing that you were so small yet had so much anger.

“You know she’s single Mat!” One of your friends interjected. And with that the handsome stranger who now had a name walked off and out of the bar, and you wondered who his friends were. You watched as a smile broke out on his face again, as if he was thinking hard about the proposition just said to him.

“Have a safe night ladies.” He lifted his head in a nod and you watched him walk out of the bar and out of your sight.

Everyone in your group had also decided that they had enough for the night and you booked it back to your hotel. The wedding was in 2 days, and the rehearsal dinner is tomorrow evening. Tonight was the last night to let loose and perhaps you had come too loose.

The next morning…

Your head was pounding. Opening your eyes was a no go, the light too painful to look at. It was like your entire head was pulsing. Liquor should definitely not be mixed with any other type of alcohol, you thought.

“WAKEY WAKEY BITCH, UP AND AT EM!” The bride came into your room, clearly more ready to tackle the day than you were.

“Oh my god Hannah. STOP YELLING. My head is killing me…” you groaned.

“Oh I know, I was there too, bestie. I’ve brought Tylenol and water, and there’s breakfast in my room. Oh and here’s some sunglasses. Those might help for a bit.” She thrust all of the items in your arms and helped you sit up without dying.

“Come on, we have a bridal party meeting, maid of honor!”

You loved Hannah, you really did, but if she didn’t lower her volume you thought your head might explode. After a quick shower, some meds, and an outfit change you were ready for the bridal party meeting there was to be had. When you walked into the room it was a mixture of excitement and groaning. All of the bridesmaids looked like they’d been through it, but the groomsmen were relaxed. The groom had his party a few weeks ago, just in case any shenanigans ensued.

“There she is!”

That voice. You knew that voice…God why did you know that voice?

You almost dropped the plate of food in your hands. When you turned around the shock of who it was rendered you speechless. It was the man who carried you across the bar last night. The man you thought you’d never see again after that embarrassing spectacle you’d caused. The memory was slowly coming back to you, and you really, really hoped there wasn’t video evidence.

“Good to see you survived your journey home.” He smirked.

“Wait! Do you know Mat?!” Clutterbuck asked. You knew Cal from your dad’s years in the league. You knew most of the people in the room, but Mat had been a pretty private guy. You didn’t really know much about him other than he was damn good at hockey and had pretty nice eyes. Since you only knew him in passing, you had never heard him talk much and drunk, you definitely did not recognize him. You felt like the blood had entirely drained from your face all you could think of was how quickly you could get out of that room.

“Apparently I do.” Your eyes tried to stay fixed on the ground as the meeting got started. It was basically just going over who was going to walk down the aisle with who and what everyone’s entrances would be for the reception.

“So, you’ll be with Mat. You guys good with that?” You locked eyes with your best friend. You knew exactly what she was doing. She was trying to play matchmaker without even asking you first. How would she even know if he was your type?

“I mean I-,” You stammered.

“Yeah, it sounds great to me.”

Finally you had to look at him. Of course he would say that, maybe he was in on it, you were being tortured by all of your friends. You had to begin lining up to practice, making sure you didn’t fall flat on your face and embarrass the bride. They all knew him, there was definitely an underlying motive. You had a feeling it was because they didn’t want everyone to pair up and you were left by yourself. It was a nice gesture, but being filled in would have felt nice so you did not in fact have a strange man picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder in a bar.

Being the maid of honor, you were last in the order to go. You waited patiently in the back of the line, the only one who was not linked in arms with their partner. Mat offered his arm to you, attempting to show some good will.

“You gonna take it?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at you.

“No.”

“Listen, I’m sorry about last night. Your friends told me to come get you by whatever means necessary so that is what I did.”

“So you decided the only way was to pick me up with no warning? Who taught you to do that?” You threw your arms up in the air almost in defeat, you didn’t know what to make of what he did. You may have been drunk but you were never going to forget looking down at the ground when being carried across the room.

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you.” He shrugged and still somehow managed to look smug. He knows what he’s doing, and he definitely thought that he was being charming by doing so.

“I want you to tell me why you did that! All you had to do was grab my hand and lead me away!” You’d had enough of his games. You were going to get some answers before the night was over and done with.

“They all seem to know you, but I don’t. Why is that?” You had turned to face him, staring him down in order to get him to crack. It was almost your turn. You’d run into a slight issue when the bride decided she wanted to switch up the order of things before the honors of maid of honor and best man. All this meant was more time to get him to crack, which if he had known any better, would not take you very long. His resolve was weakening, and quickly.

“I’ve been around. You just haven’t noticed me.”

“I think I would have noticed you.” It would be hard to miss someone as pretty as he was. Did you really just admit that? Your dad hadn’t been with the Islanders for several years, but you still knew who most of the team was. Based on what you had managed to Google on the walk from the meeting to the present rehearsal location was that he was a pretty damn good hockey player.

“I don’t think so sweetheart. Your friends have told me all about you too, you know.”

“Oh yeah? What did they tell you?” You were almost angry but didn’t know why.

“Well for starters they just want you to be happy. They know you haven’t been happy for a little while now.” He smiled at you, and you tried not to melt in response. The way your body reacted so physically to him when all he did was smile was not something that you could ignore.

“And what else?” You prompted.

“My last relationship was some time ago, and let’s just say it didn’t end that well. They’ve noticed I haven’t been happy either.”

“You look happy to me.”

“Looks can be deceiving. The cameras and the media pick up only what they want to see.” This time he didn’t meet your eye. Which told you everything you needed to know. You would never understand how strangers and the media thought they knew someone just by what you see them do as an athlete. As if they don’t have personal lives or things that are important to them. Your suspicions were confirmed, but not in the way you thought. Of course your friends wanted to set you up with someone. Not to be funny or to try and make a joke, but they hated to see you so unhappy. Things were starting to make a little more sense.

“So you knew their motives?” You asked, feeling bad about how you had sort of gone at him without knowing why. You couldn’t undo the years of crappy guys that you had to deal with in the past, but now you could learn to give Mat a better chance.

“Partially. I knew they wanted to set me up with someone, but I don’t enjoy the anxiety of blind dates. They didn’t want me to say anything to you- they wanted to protect you. Based on your reaction I’m guessing you don’t enjoy surprises either.”

“Correct. So what would you like to do about this?” You asked, hopeful.

“I think we should see where the weekend takes us, and go from there. How’s that sound?”

You hoped that he couldn’t see the blush starting to appear in your cheeks. Your friends did this on purpose. They wouldn’t just set you up with some hockey player they didn’t know or trust, they knew he had to be vetted first. They also knew that you wouldn’t just take being set up with someone due to your stubbornness, so this was the only way they knew how to get to you.

“I’d like that.” His smile was infectious and you could feel yourself reciprocating.

Once the rehearsal dinner was figured out, the rest of the evening seemed to go as planned. Most importantly, the bride was happy. You noticed Mat across the room, smiling at you. You were alone at the bar, and watched him excuse himself from the conversation he was having to walk your direction.

“You wanna get out of here?” It was almost a whisper, so only you could hear it. You looked around the room to make sure that your absence wouldn’t be noticed.

“I thought you’d never ask.” You took the hand that he offered you and followed him out of the room. His car was already waiting, the perks of having the wedding on Long Island was a lot of the wedding guests already lived in the area.

“I feel like a teenager sneaking out when I’m not supposed to!” He held the door open for you as you slid in, and he climbed into the driver’s seat, “Where are you taking me sir?”

The sun was starting to set, making the sky an orangish pink color. It was like all of the colors of the sky melting together, painting a beautiful scene that no camera could ever do justice. He reached over and grabbed your hand as he began to drive. It looked like he was going nowhere in particular, and he squeezed your hand gently. You appreciated a first move when you saw one, it took the anxiety out of the way and you instantly felt more relaxed around him.

“There’s somewhere I want to show you. It’s not that far from here, is that okay?” You nodded. According to maps, the destination was only a few miles away. It was almost dark out, but not quite. The sun rested quietly in the sky, hovering just above the skyline ready to disappear. Mat still held your hand in his, gently squeezing every so often as if to reassure you of something but you weren’t quite sure what yet. When you arrived at your destination, there wasn’t another car to be seen. The only sound came from a distance, and then you looked around.

“Where are we?” You asked.

“Crescent Beach. I used to come here a lot when I first came to New York. The city can be overwhelming sometimes, but out here you can actually hear yourself think. The sunset’s here are something to behold, I’ve heard.” He held out his hand for you to take, and led you on to the beach. He had already grabbed two blankets from his trunk. You laughed a little bit, you always kept blankets and towels in the back of your car just in case too.

“It looks like we’re just in time for sunset.” Mat laid down one of the blankets on the sand. You were close enough to the water to be able to smell it, but not close enough that the tide could touch you. He placed the other blanket over the two of you, sitting down beside you after you got comfortable.

“The sky looks beautiful right now. I would have never thought a sunset in Long Island could look like this!” You closed your eyes for a second, taking in the smell of the ocean and the sound of the waves. It was the peace you were looking for during the wedding weekend.

“New York can be beautiful when it wants to be. You just have to know where to look.”

“I like to think that whenever there is a sunset this beautiful, it’s just someone you lost saying hello. Like a little wave from the sky, you know?” You asked him. He nodded, looking out across the horizon. “Tell me about you Mat.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Why did our friends want to set you up with someone?” You were curious.

“I’d been on and off with someone for a long time. It was unhealthy for me, and for anyone to be around me. Let’s just say I wasn’t always the most pleasant person. I want to start a family one day. With as much as players can move around, my home is with a person. Not a place or anything like that, if that makes any sense at all.”

“I was the same way with my dad. We moved around every few years, it felt like I could never really put down roots in one place.”

“What’s your favorite color?” He asked, seemingly out of nowhere.

“What does my favorite color have to do with anything?”

“It says a lot about a person to me.”

“You’re a little strange, has anyone ever told you that?” You both laughed, his was infectious.

“Just answer the question!”

You tell him your favorite color, smiling.

“Don’t you want to know what mine is?” He asked.

“Tell me.”

“It’s blue.”

“Like Islanders blue?”

“Any blue, but right now, blue like the ocean.” The breeze started to blow hard, quickly reminding you that you were in fact in New York, not a beach somewhere tropical. Mat was good at making you feel like you were somewhere else but in a good way.

“Tell me something else about you Mr. Barzal.”

“Is this 20 questions or something?”

“It is now!” You playfully smacked his thigh, you were so close together it wouldn’t take much for you to lean in and kiss him.

“Tes yeux sont les plus beaux que j'ai jamais vus.” You could tell he was speaking French just from the way he changed his accent. Since when could this beautiful man speak french?!

“You can speak french?”

“A hobby of mine, you could say.” From the way the words flowed out of his mouth, you knew it wasn’t just a hobby.

“What did you say?” You turned to look at him, slightly shorter so that you had to look up to look at each other. Everything else seemed to disappear behind him. There could have been roars of people around you, but you wouldn’t have been able to hear them. It was true what they said, when you found the right person it was like everything else melted away.

“I said you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.” You couldn’t even attempt to hide the blush you could feel forming in your cheeks.

“Is that how you get all the ladies?” You managed to speak finally, after gaining your composure again. But your voice was quiet, like you didn’t want to know the answer.

“Tu es le seul que je veux.” His forehead came to rest against yours. You could feel his hot breath against your face, lighting the nerves in your body on fire.

“Tell me what you said.” You breathed out, trying to catch your breath as if it had been taken from you.

“You are the only one I want.”

“Okay.” You didn’t know why you were saying it. But he seemed to know why, and crashed his lips against yours. His hand came up to cup the back of your head, bringing you as close to him as you could get. The ocean breeze no longer seemed to matter as you began exploring each other’s bodies. He pulls you onto his lap, wrapping the blanket around you in one fluid motion. His lips tasted slightly of whiskey and chocolate, inviting and warm. Warmth blossomed in your chest, like you wanted to be engulfed in each other. You could feel his hands wanting to go under your shirt, and you nodded into the kiss to let him know that it was okay.

You pulled back just for a moment to catch your breath, but not letting your forehead leave his. You were breathing hard against each other as one, in sync already after the slightest touch. His eyes told you everything you needed to know, and you felt safe in his arms. Mat placed his hands on either side of your face, allowing you to feel just how much the moment meant to him. To him, he was holding his world in his hands and now he never wanted to let you go. His next kiss felt like fireworks, and now you knew what it felt like when people said they never wanted something to end. A kiss like the two of your lives depended on it, and you wanted to get lost in him. His kisses were soft at first and increased in intensity every time you drew back for a breath. You wanted more, you wanted all of him.

He breathed your name, realizing that it was in fact now dark outside. The only light came from the street lights in the parking lot and the small flashlight Mat had brought from his car. He brought you in for a hug against him, tucking your head into the nape of his neck. You fit there perfectly, and the smell of his cologne engulfed all of your senses.

“We should probably head back to the hotel.” He whispered, but didn’t make any moves to let go of you.

“Maybe…”

“That doesn’t mean we have to be alone tonight.” He squeezed you, the reassurance washing over you. You nod, and get up off the ground. Mat shakes off the blankets, trying to get rid of as much sand as possible. But you knew that there would be sand all over you for days, in places you never think sand would end up. He got you settled in the car, placing the supplies back where he got them from. Once back in the car, he took your hand once more and you drove quietly back to the hotel.

“Where do we go from here?” You asked.

“I like you.” Another hand squeeze. You didn’t know what to say back to him, too afraid that anything would scare him off just like the other guys you’d dated. “You don’t have to say it back yet, I just didn’t want this night to end without telling you that. When I know I want something, I won’t stop until I can have it. If you’ll let me, that is.”

“What about tonight?” He didn’t answer you, but that was okay. It was unspoken, hanging in the air like a cloud, but you knew you weren’t going to be alone that night. Or the rest of the weekend, if Mat had anything to say about it. Arriving back at the hotel, Mat handed his keys off to the valet and led you inside.

“Is there anything you need to get from your room?” He asked once in the elevator.

“Not that I can think of.”

“Good.” Once the elevator doors opened to his floor, he picked you up and threw you over his shoulder once again. But this time you were more than okay with it. He had to set you down in order to open his room, but picked you up again once you were inside. He laid you down on the freshly laundered bed, throwing your shoes across the room and his along with them. You crawled under the covers together, and all he did was hold you. There were the occasional make out sessions throughout the night, but nothing more. He told you about his childhood and growing up playing hockey, and you told him about the life of being a coach's daughter.

He told you about the way he likes his eggs cooked, his pregame rituals, and all the movies he liked to watch. You talked about anything and everything that came to mind, eventually falling asleep in his arms. When you woke up it didn’t feel strange, it felt like you were supposed to be there. The morning after was always an awkward moment, falling over your words and trying to sneak out without the other person noticing. There was no sneaking out this time, instead you woke up with a kiss from Mat being planted on the top of your head.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He whispered, kissing around your neck and cheeks as much as he could.

“It’s wedding day today.” You smiled, you were excited to get your best friend in the world down the aisle. In helping her find her happiness, you had also managed to find some of yours.

“I’m guessing you have to go soon?” He asked, looking down at you.

“Well I am the maid of honor you know, I think someone will notice if I’m not there.”

“But what if I told you I just wanted to hold you all day instead?” He smirked. The hold that this man already had over you..

“What if I told you, that starting tomorrow you never had to let go of me again?” He sat up quickly and looked down at you.

“You mean it?”

“Well I don’t just spend the night with anyone, Mathew. I think our friends might just be right…” You smiled, he came down to kiss you so fast you didn’t even know what hit you. Was it crazy to rush into something so fast? Maybe. But did it feel right? Absolutely. You’d read all the romance novels of quick relationships, always telling yourself it wasn’t actually like that. Those were just fairy tales you could read about, nothing like that would ever happen in real life.

It took a little more convincing for him to actually let you get out of bed and go to the bridal suite where everyone was getting ready. Of course he had to be with the grooms party, but somehow it never took guys quite as long to get ready.

“Are you sure you have to go right now?” He asked once he pulled away from you. You didn’t want to get out of the nice comfy bed with a pretty man laying in it but duty called.

“Yessss, do you think you’ll be able to survive without me for a few hours?” You started to throw off the covers, but he pulled you back in.

“No, I don’t actually. I might just lay here and cry all day!” You laughed, knowing that both the bride and groom would come for him but let him pretend.

“You’ll be fine, I promise. If you let me go, I’ll let you grab my butt when we dance later.”

“DEAL!” One more quick kiss, and you were finally able to get up. One wave goodbye as you opened the door to leave, and you were off. You had to stop by your own room to get your dress and makeup, and then it was off to the bridal suite. You were surprisingly one of the first ones to arrive, and were able to eat a little bit of breakfast for once. Everyone in the bridal party got to choose their own dress as long as it was within the color palette, and yours was your favorite shade of blue. It fits you in all of the right places, just the way that it should. The bride paid for everyone’s hair to be done, and once everyone was all finished getting ready it was time to take pictures of the bridal party. The photographer seemed to be on her A-game, and for once things were running on time in your life. Anthony already gone to take his place

Finally you got to have a moment just you and your best friend on her big day. The day both of you had talked about since you were kids, the one that you spent planning on pinterest for hours without even a thought of someone in the picture.

“Hannah… you look stunning! I hope today is everything you ever dreamed it would be. I can’t wait to see the look on Anthony’s face when he sees you today. I’ll still beat him up if he ever hurts you though. Are you ready?”

“Have I told you I love you yet today?”

“I love you too girl. Let’s get you married!” Each bridesmaid had their groomsman, and you took your place at the end. Mat walked around the corner and paused when he saw you, stopping him dead in his tracks.

“You like something you see sir?” He offered up his arm for you to take once he made his way to you.

“Tu es le seul que je veux.” He repeated his words from last night, kissing your cheek.

“Me too.” You’d learn how to say it in french, one day at least.

Of course there wasn’t a dry eye in the house after the ceremony. After all of the guests made their way to the reception hall and the rest of the wedding party photos were taken, the evening seemed to go rather smoothly. You may or may not have felt Mat’s hand graze across your butt a few times during pictures, but you kindly reminded him that he wasn’t allowed to feel your butt until you got to dance. He acted like you were torturing him though, depriving him of a dream.

You wanted to get your wedding mingling out of the way first, so that you could enjoy the night with who you wanted. It did not go without notice that Mat’s eyes were following you around the room in a very flirty kind of way. You hadn’t felt like this in a really long time, like you could relax because you were finally comfortable with someone.

“Hey bestie, how is your night going?” Hannah found her way over to you, and more of your friends noticed. You recognized what was happening, they wanted to get all of the dirty details about you and Mat. Of course their plan was successful, but you were also a proud individual. All of them were smiling a little too big at you, asking without actually asking.

“I know what you’re trying to do here!” You accused her.

“Don’t waste time woman, we wanna know! How’s it going with Mat?” Hannah asked.

“I saw you going into his room last night!”

“We know you two snuck off last night, don’t even lie.”

“Where did he take you! Was it romantic?”

“One question at a time!” You were only one person after all, “It’s still very new, we just met this weekend.”

“That smile doesn’t lie sweetie.” You were a bad liar and they knew it.

“Okay fine. Yes we snuck off last night, yes I was in his room but we didn’t do anything but talk and make out, he took me to a beach, and yes it was romantic! Now if you don’t mind, I promised my man a dance and that he could touch my butt. I always keep my promises!”

“YOUR MAN?”

You ran before they could question you further, right towards Mat, who held his arms open for you. Hiding things was never your strong suit, so you two had decided to not even bother.

“They look like you just told them the world is going to end tonight, what happened?” He asked, bringing you into his arms for all the world to see. Clearly he was ready to make everyone aware you were an item, and you weren’t going to object.

“I called you my man, and then immediately walked away.” You smiled up at him.

“Oh you did?”

“Yes sir.”

“I guess that does leave us with the big question.”

“What question?”

“What are we going to do with us? Did this weekend make you want to see me again?” Great opportunities rarely presented themselves at your doorstep. Mat had treated you better in the last 24 hours than a lot of people and you already knew your loved ones approved. It felt right, your gut always had a good feeling about these things. It would always be fun to tell the grandkids you met at a wedding, you’d tell them the part about the bar when they were old enough.

“I said you were my man, did I not?”

“Well you did keep me waiting ma’am, that’s a criminal offense. I’m not sure if I’m your man yet.” He said through a smile.

“Oh is that so?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Nah I’m just fuckin with you, I’ve been dying to kiss you all night.” He brought his hands up to cup either side of your face, and kissed you in a way that shouldn’t be in the middle of your best friends wedding reception.

“You don’t want to touch my butt?” You ask when you finally pull apart.

“Of course I do, but if I touch your butt right now we would be leaving this party within the next few minutes and I believe we both have important things to do.” He whispered in your ear, giving him a look. A look that said I know you want to take my clothes off right now, so I’m going to do my best to tease you. After pulling away, Mat offered you his hand for the dance you had promised.

Standing in the middle of the dance floor with him, while looking at your surroundings and seeing how happy your best friend was, kind of hit you like a sack of bricks. A few years ago if someone had told you this was where your life would end up, you’d have called them crazy. You felt him kiss your forehead as you danced, and you felt yourself melt into him a little. You had no defenses against him, your walls suddenly disappeared when he was near. If he was out of your sight, suddenly the world wasn’t as clear anymore. Maybe summer wasn’t just a time for flings, because this one felt different. Who would have thought just one summer weekend could be so life changing.

........

Half a summer and one year later…

You couldn’t believe you were standing where you were. Summer was starting to become your favorite season. The only thing that brought you back down to earth was the squeeze you felt on your hand from your new husband. The look of reassurance on his face told you all that you needed to know, that he loved you and that you’d be fine. Crowds weren’t always your thing, even if it was your own wedding.

“You ready?”

He knew the timing of your entrance better than anyone, and you could hear Tito start to speak from the other side of the door. The doors opened, blinding you with light. You felt one last squeeze, and then your brain managed to get your feet to start moving again.

“My friends, it is my honor and great pleasure to introduce to you for the very first time… MR. AND MRS. MATHEW BARZAL!”

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

HII GM!!! i hope u had good worming time ehehe :3 anyway. now that you've spent some time w/ the undersiders & met a lot of the brockton bay wards & some of new wave + the prt!! i wanna hear ur thoughts on them in general + the world so far if u have any!! & also ur thoughts on like.... how powers happen & brian and taylor's origin stories etc if thats also something you've been thinking abt!! eyes emoji eyes emoji..

i am having SO much fun w worm. physically making myself put down my phone and walk away so i stop reading and do the productive things i promised myself i would do this weekend.

I AM SO. WARY. OF THE WARDS. I DONT TRUST THEM. its rlly cool 2 me that they all have powers that i myself would consider like. Bad or Scary. the emotion manipulation thing, the literal warping of time and space etc those are all things that i would be like. this feels overpowered to the point that i almost expect it more from a villain character to build dramatic tension. which. i guess in the meta sense still works bc theyre being set up as antagonists rn but you know what i mean!!!!!

i fully think we've reached the point where taylor is in way too deep to the extent that changing anything now would end horribly bad for her on both sides. shes still holding onto this thought that shes gonna have this dramatic reveal where she puts the villains in jail and the heroes welcome her with open arms. but after that conversation with armsmaster thats just !!!!!!! not going to fucking happen!!! it doesnt work like that!!! also there keep being these little sidebars and moments where she admits to herself that shes excited about villain work or like..a chance to hang out with her new friends. girl you are not going to join the protectorate i can see right thriugh your dumbass.

<< side note on all of this i have a little bit of a theory for this. i think tattletale probably. knows. she joined with the intention of betraying them eventually. im still sort offff kind of unclear as to the extent of lisas powers and how they work but at this point i dont know how she couldve possibly missed that huge elephant other than the possibility that she is intentionally ignoring it.

ANYWAY. IVE STRAYED FROM YOUR ACTUAL QUESTION IM SORRY I JUST LIKE THE UNDERSIDERS A LOT. i have a lot of thoughts on the meta of the story and the role reversal of "villains good heroes bad" that i know some cape media does sometimes and im not exactly sure jf thats what worm is going for but i AM AWARE OF IT . and i think that is playing a little bit of why i am biased like this. but this is not to say i dont like the heroes i wan 2 know everything about them. however i dont trust them. SUPER interested in what Amy's got going on w her dad and the fact that she fucking turned off taylors powers????? despite saying she wasnt gonna mess with brain stuff?????? i think amys gonna get rlly fucked up about something pretty soon. i could see her snapping and turning into some crazy supervillain esp in the last interlude where she talked about how much pressure she and others put on herself w healing everything and everyone.

uhhhhhhh what else. hey powers coming from trauma is pretty fucked up huh!!!!! u know whats rlly funny is like. i sort of expected it to be somethinf bad like that but i was also wasnt expecting the angle that like. the powers are unrelated to whatever the event was??????? like im sure u could find ways to connect each of their powers to their trigger event but its not ljke. obvious ?? i guess?? like taylor wasnt bittem by a radioactive bug that gave her bug controlling powers u know??? im rlly rlly excited 2 learn abt more characters trogger events just to like. expand the data pool and see if yhere is a correlation between the power that they get and the event that happens. or if the power theyre born with the potential of having is just set in stone or whatever. does that makr ANY sense

[br1ghtestlight]

NOT THE ENGAGEMENT RING STILL BEING IN THE BIRD NEST LMAO

loving this morning routine so far. we rarely get to see into characters lives outside the belcher family (obviously i mean. its their show) but this morning routine feels both painfully awkward and Very real in a way that we don't see with the belcher family in the same way?? their house is always so chaotic and LOUD with so many people and siblings but this is just rudy and his dad. its not exactly missing the love and warmth but its very intentionally different vibes

god rudy's dad is trying so hard :( compared to the natural and fun interactions of the belcher family this is just.... a very stark contrast with rudy's dad trying and failing to relate to rudy on his level

RUDY THINKS HIS DAD IS EMBARASSING OHHH :(

assuming that this Fancy dinner is rudy and his parents getting together every weekend (with tonights dinner being with his mom's new boyfriend) and CLEARLY does not enjoy it and finds it awkward its kinda funny that they keep doing them. like his parents probably don't like each other very much AND rudy hates the dinners and its awkward and uncomfortable like do we really need to keep doing this. is it worth it. are they trying to stay connected like a normal family while also very clearly disliking each other?? who knows im excited to find out

like "you've always been a trooper" IF THE DINNER ISNT FOR RUDY THEN WHO IS IT FOR LMAO???

and we all love you so much 😭😭

love seeing the belcher family in a non-focused setting like you can tell this episode is about rudy so it makes seeing the belcher family feel almost like?? like WE ARE rudy seeing a friend at the mall rather than them being the main characters. very interesting creative choice

gene is such a sweetie in this scene <3 him walking on the fountain edge

ROUDATHAN

gene got a B- special dinner..... god im sorry his family loves and supports him so much its so sweet :( like gene NEVER questions that he's adored by his family and they think he's amazing. they celebrate all his accomplishments no matter how small uhfghh i need a minute

its his day dad. tina is such a good big sister 10/10 love their relationship

"rudy you should come over for dinner!!! i think its gonna be one of the WORST foods we've ever tried" the belchers are so funny and sweet in this episode bcuz the conflict isn't really about Them and its very enjoyable. like they're just hanging out & having fun

our monthly We're Still A Family dinner with your mom. like SURELY there is a better way

MY MOMS NEW FRIEND ALLEN HES OKAYY 😭😭🤘🎶🎵

ohhh rudy's dad passing his own insecurities onto rudy :( this is so fucked bcuz he doesn't MEAN to do this but he ends up passing on his anxiety and neurotic tendencies onto his son and he doesn't build up his confidence like he should vs the belcher family where they hype each other up to an almost dangerous degree and they're all so happy and confident..... the parallels they are paralleling And it makes me upset. painfully real dysfunctional family relationship

you're the guest of honor....... :( BUT NOT A GUEST BECAUSE YOURE OUR CHILD :(

how on EARTH does this boy end up at the belcher's house for dinner 😭😭

I WAS BORN IN 2002 okay this confirms that louise was definitely not a 2002 baby unlike when the show started because that is a Grown woman and louise is nine. we have figured out some kind of timeline here and for this season louise was canonically born in uhh 2014 OH GOD DHES SO LITTLE. what the fuck gene was a 2012 baby

you know who would liven this party right up?? Louise belcher

BABBBYYY RUDY COMPILATION WITH HIS PARENTS WAHH i dont care that its awkward because he is so small. from this compilation i would guess his parents got divorced when he was around six or seven

rudy using his magic tricks to help the awkwardness of the dinners when that was never his responsibility as their kid... wahh

OHH NO RUDY 😭 this poor boy is having a panic attack somebody needs to save him. but honestly he's the sweetest kid im sure nobody is angry at a nine year old

RUDY IS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND FULLY RUNS AWAY TO THE BELCHER HOUSEHOLD LMAO ZERO THOUGHTS HEAD EMPTY no plan just vibes. louise is his safe space which is not something i want to think about right now because its too much for my tiny heart. god

(fanfic where rudy has a panic attack and louise helps him through it will be incoming shortly)

rudy crying is going to make ME cry 😭😭

okay gene kissing the ketchup bottles goodnight is very funny that got me to laugh. what is bro DOING

rudy's parents about to file a missing person's report and he is FULLY commiting to the disgusting terrible lasanga dinner good for him!!!! BECAUSE ITS WITH A HAPPY FAMILY THAT FEELS SO COMFY AND SAFE GIVE ME A SECOND.... JUST GIVE ME A SECOND

gene saying he loves rudy. great moment

"rudy are you sure your parents know where you are" is the CORRECT reaction thank you linda lol This boy is very clearly not somewhere that his parents know about and she's being a responsible adult. obviously she would but its just nice that they're treating this situation somewhat seriously. good mama <3

EVERY GENE LINE IN THIS EPISODE MAKES ME LAUGH

rudy in this episode is gonna make me CRY he's so anxious and sensitive and they all love him so much god. like linda and bob are such good parents in this episode and louise is a great friend too. he's so so loved by everybody around him not just his family. and of course he is crying again

LOUISE AND RUDY ARE THE SWEETEST SHES SUCH A GOOD FRIEND SHE CARES ABOUT HIM SOO MUCH her staying for dinner so he feels less awkward and uncomfortable because he always feels safe with her :( what the hell

rudy and louise dinner date!!!!

SWEET GIRL WE GOT THERE SHE IS SOMETIMES ISNT SHE louise is literally the best i dont care if people think she's overrated or too many episodes focus on her. she's amazing and so incredibly sweet and she loves rudy more than anything

ngl when louise smiles and nodded i did think she and rudy were going to hold hands for some reason. roudise week got to me

LARRY MURPHY AS PAUL i knew they would find a way to squeeze him into the episode because he has one of the main credits he has to be in every episode. which is kinda funny tbh Legally contracted to make an appearance as at least one character per episode doesn't need to be teddy

OKAY FINAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE I DIDNT EXPECT THIS TO BE SO LONG this episode was adorable and very stylistically different in a good way?? i loved having a small peak into rudy's home life and his relationship with his parents. loved seeing rudy's mom she seems really sweet and supportive of him :) louise was the BEST in this episode and gene was hilarious as always. bob and linda are great parents and brian huskey did great considering he was voicing about 80% of this episode completely by himself. GREAT episode and a strong start to the season along with episode one!

[jonphaedrus]

how to convince multiple corroborating witnesses you time travelled

i happened to tell an unrelated story to some friends last night and there came a request for "how on earth did your father convince you that he was capable of time travel" and the answer to that one was "sheer fucking audacity and a natural charisma score of about six billion, as well as the fact that my father has never been on time for anything. ever. in his life." my stepmother even calls it "running on dave time" because it's so ubiquitous.

here are some examples for you. last month my dad came to visit us, and the day he was supposed to be driving here i called him and said "so where are you right now?" and he replied "oh, i haven't left yet." it was at that point 4 in the afternoon and he was supposed to be maybe two hours out. i was like "...uh" and his explanation was "my mother wanted me to do some stuff and i didnt do it earlier this week so im doing it tonight" (the adhd time blindnes Really is). he missed an entire whole-ass plane flight because he was running so late over the summer, but because he has weird small magic they casually rerouted him through denver to san francisco and he met his students at the gate on their way to tokyo and they hadnt had him on the flight over to san francisco and were like "...what??? how did you get here?" dont worry about it.

the time that sticks out to me most of dave time is when i was about nine and there was a party for some family friends we were going to that started at 1pm. i was at my mother's house that weekend, so he was picking me up there. at 1230 he called me and said "okay im on my way now."

nothing.

at 1 he calls and says "im just leaving now."

nothing.

he calls at 115. "im going out the door, i am walking out the door right now." at 130 "i've just gotten in the car." at 2 "i'm actually in the car, i'm starting the car" at 230 "i am driving, right now, i'm driving."

he shows up at 3pm. this is pretty standard dave behavior.

my parents had the most contentious litigious divorce you could imagine—they were in legal arbitration, like, actively in court, for fifteen straight years, from the day their divorce was finalized until the day the decree expired when i graduated high school, because my mother would find basically any excuse to do anything and then right back they'd go. as a part of this divorce, they had 90s split custody—certain nights with either parents, weekends back and forth, etc.

one problem with this was that my father was congenitally incapable of getting me to school on time. ever. i reached the point where it became an issue they took to court, because i had so many tardy days in elementary school i was going to get counted as truant, so it was ESSENTIAL my dad get me to school on time.

one night, a friend slept over at my house on a school night, and we reminded him again and again WE HAVE TO GET TO SCHOOL ON TIME IN THE MORNING!!! WE HAVE TO GET UP AT 7!!! and he was like yes right okay we have to (i dont know why i didnt own an alarm clock at his house as a child. this is very adhd of him. he of course also does not own an alarm clock, to this day. he could theoretically use his phone but... uh. he doesn't know how to use his phone) and so we went to bed and woke up—

at 8.

school started at 745.

massively panicked, knowing we were going to be in SO MUCH TROUBLE if we were late, we rushed out of the house. my father, meanwhile, was cool as a cucumber—SOMEHOW. usually he would have been freaking out too, but he was like no, we got this.

you see, he'd been keeping a secret weapon on hand, just in case. ready to deploy when his need was most dire. and this was... that he knew how to time travel.

if literally any other human being had said that to us, i think we both would've laughed in their face.

my friend and i, of course, knew my father. we looked at each other. we looked at him.

we recognized that this was more plausible than we necessarily wanted to admit.

he was always late for everything but never got into trouble and always somehow made it just on time enough it wasn't a big deal. he could magic up stories that were so unbelievable nobody could possibly make them up. he'd been all over the world. if anybody could time travel, it was my dad.

so into the car we get. it's 8:15 now according to the clock, and we gotta go, we gotta RUSH. so we do rush, driving all the way across the city to school. he explains that the magic spell requires several components.

we must be in the nicer of the two old cars (the 1988 subaru outback, as has been mentioned previously as being the car we sold to later buy the car that almost exploded), so we take the white car, because the grey car is too old to be able to time travel any more, its engine couldn't take the abuse. we must drive a weird way to get to school, because this only works when you're going a certain speed, and the only highway that lets you go that speed is a little bit out of the way, but don't worry, we aren't risking anything by going further east than we normally would—we need to go 70mph. we must be listening to this specific classical radio station. and, most importantly of all, we must drive under this bridge. this one specific bridge. my dad, of course, needs his eyes on the road, so can me & my friend watch out the windows and tell him the INSTANT we're about to pass under the bridge so he can make the time travel happen?

honestly even now (at 28, not 8) i could believe this amount of setup has some very specific powers. it's well thought out, it has a solid amount of backup in place, there's specific somatic and verbal components, and it all fits into the logic train of "my father is a perfectly normal human being". my friend and i, of course, know he could just change the car clock, but this isn't likely to happen because my father doesn't actually know how to change the car clock (he still doesn't).

so we get to the bridge, we press our faces against the glass, and my dad says "okay get ready here we go!" and he guns the engine to speed just over speed limit past and under the bridge. there's a frisson of unbelievable energy. we gasp.

we get out the other side of the bridge and my dad looks at the clock and says "oh no. it might not've worked. the car clock is still wrong" so we start panicing again. he's like "okay, well, we'll have tried anyway, and so even if it didn't work we tried".

we pull up at school at 8:30, almost AN HOUR LATE, and my friend and i RUSH into the building, expecting to get tardy slipped... except there's no tardy slip person. none of the classroom doors are closed.

the clocks all say it's 7:30.

we look at each other. we stare. we look at the clocks. we look back at where my dad has driven away. this cannot possibly be true, right? there's no way my dad was able to go back in time.

and yet... we're early for school. a thing that has never happened to either of us, probably, in our lives.

we RUSH down the hall to our classrooms, find the rest of our friends, and start yelling our heads off about how MY FATHER JUST TIME TRAVELLED BACKWARDS IN TIME BY AN HOUR. our friends, of course, have never seen me on time on a day my dad had me, ever, and my toher friend who was with me was also always late, so they were like "what??? HOW DID YOU TWO GET HERE ON TIME???" and this... this has to be the only plausible explanation, right? there's no way my dad would get us to school on time. there had to be time travel involved.

and it wasn't even the day we had to change the clocks back. so that's not an explanation, either. it was december! totally wrong time of year!

and yet... my father time travelled.

i ran into this friend again YEARS later in high school after we'd lost contact and she was like "remember when your dad made us time travel" and i was like "oh god yeah did that really happen" and she was like "how the fuck did he do that." and we sat there, wondering. for hours. how the fuck did he do that??? because it totally happened, we both witnessed it, and he never did it again. so...

after i graduated from high school i finally asked my dad how the fuck he had managed to pull of time travel. i'd gone over all the plausible explanations with my friend—was that the day we'd changed the clocks back? no, it was december. had he snuck into my bedroom and turned the clock forward? no, that wouldn't make any sense, he's not capable of being sneaky or quiet. had he actually time travelled? obviously not.—and we'd finally just been like "well, it's dave. only explanation is it's dave"

the explanation?

in order to combat his terrible, terrible time blindness, my father had decided to not turn the clocks back and leave them all running so it looked like it was an hour ahead of what time it actually was, since this meant he'd actually make it places on time. if he always thought he was an hour late, he'd end up getting there right on time!

so he hadn't turned a single clock in his house or his car back. he'd left them all running an hour ahead. when we woke up in a panic he just started laughing at us, telling us we were running late and everything, because he knew we were, in fact, early! since we were so scared, though, he decided to give us something fun to make up for worrying us, and invented the whole time travel shtick off the cuff. given how much fun we had, and how it had stayed with us, he was just glad it had ended up "working"

that all said though?

........... i do still kind of think my dad might actually be able to time travel.

[therealpontius]

Just for tonight…

Plot: your 3yr long relationship ended abruptly, can it be saved?

Warnings: body shaming/ sickness/ cursing/ breakup/ loneliness/ no smut

This is pt1 it ended up being longer than i thought, im not sure if i like this so much but im exited to write pt2. FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED

Wordcount: 2.4k

Part 2

"Your supposed to be my boyfriend! You never stick up for me!" Was your last words to your boyfriend, bam, 6 years ago now. You bad been sitting in aprils living room with bam, showing him the pictures you took of him on your camera when his friends all came in, his arm that was wrapped around you was whipped back to his side before his friends where in sight "yo!" They collectively shout "hey fatties here!" Dico laughed. You where bigger, not alot but definitely not as small as them. You sarcastically laughed at his joke once and ever since hes been saying it thinking it amused you, bam knew other wise though but still laughed along. Raab sat playing with a heavy football, kicking it around the place. You tried to hold bams hand but he wormed his away from you "hey chub chub catch!" Raab shouted to you, you turned round just in time for it to hit your nose full force with a crunch "fuck!" Instead of helping you they all laughed, a stream of blood coming out your nose "bam help!" "I um..." "BAM HELP ME" you screamed, the boys continued laughing. You just ran to the door, holding your nose still."Your supposed to be my boyfriend! You never stick up for me!" You shouted slamming the door shut.

Three years gone like that. No calls. No texts. Nothing...

Now you where 21, had your own small apartment in delaware. You played electric guitar at a nearby pub every weekend. Eyes still silently searching crowds for him and you hated yourself for it, he didnt even care about you so why did you still care about him?

You where headed back to west chester to visit your parents, your mom had grown really ill. The journey was three hours long and you tried to distract yourself from the overwhelming tiredness with music, it was 9am. The streets became familiar as you neared your birth town, you had missed it more than imagined.

"Mom? Dad?" You asked, opening the front door to your childhood home "sweetie!" You dad welcomed you with a warm hug, something you havent felt in too long "cmon moms in the living room" he said, leading you by your shoulder. You where met with a frail and pale looking woman, nothing like the mom you once knew. Instead of freaking out infront of her you ran to give her a hug "sweetie, dont worry. Ive had a hell of a life" she spoke softly to lighten your mood  "i know mom i just wish i could do something to help you" "well..." she pulled away from you "you could pop to the shops, your dads too lazy" she laughed, rolling her eyes "sure thing! Write a list and ill head out as soon as"

You headed to the local aldi, the one with the skate park that you took loads of pictures of bam in. You ignored any thought of him, your here for your mom.  40 minutes later you where out the shop with four bags full. Looking back at the skate park on the small walk back to the car saddened you, the memories you had there, you spent more than half of your life there. "OH SHIT" you screamed, falling on your side. You had been hit by something and you werent sure what but all you knew was that the laughs that now surrounded you where painfully familiar "oh fuck! Dude are you okay?" Oh shit.. thats bam. You kept your head on the ground hoping it would just suck you in "um yeah im fine" you sat up, seeing all the boys you once grew up with gather your groceries and bam holding his hand out to you "look we are filming a show, ill pay you in cash for any hassle is that okay?" What the fuck was he on about, he didnt even recognised you. You face flushed as he held your hand, pulling you up "hey is that fattie?" Dico says making all the boys squint at you "holy shit... chub chub..." raab gasps "yeah, you found me out" you laughed awkwardly, hands coming up in fake surrender. Bam stood, jaw open slightly "well it was good seeing you!" You said, taking you bags back, a big hand grabbed your arm "ill come with, boys heres my keys. Ill see you later" "bam..." you rolled your eyes, both of you walking toward your car "you cant just do that bam" "yes i can?"

You both get into your car and he sighs "so? Where the fuck have you been?" You can admit, he had got a bit more bratty than the last time you saw him "tone it down on the bitchyness you dont need to impress anyone here. I moved to delaware, i got a job and a house" he scoffed "delaware is shit" "how would you know bambam?" Both your faces shocked at the nickname "did you just call me bambam? You havent called me that in ages" he blushed slight "so anyways. Why did you leave me?" You rolled your eyes, why is he so quizitive? "bam look not right now okay?" "No tell me" "fine. You never stuck up for me EVER your friends would bully me all the time. Everytime they where near you would reject even going near me." A tinge of guilt shadowed his face "look im a changed person, i was eighteen then" "yeah and so was i, i would've done that to you. Bam we dated for th-" "where you going?" You where taken back by his butting in "um my moms?" "Great i havent seen her in ages… well what are you waiting for?" You reluctantly started the car GOD WHY AM I STILL DOING THINGS FOR HIM

Before the engine could even start bam was looking in the storage bits of the car "where the fuck is my h.i.m cd?!" "Its in you dipshit" you pressed the play button and the music started, bam froze in confusion "oh... you actually listen to them?" You nod silently, driving out the parking lot "sweet..." he mumbles. Something about his company wasnt unwanted, it felt natural and... happy? "I kinda missed you, y/n." He spoke, like he was embarrassed. "I missed you too bam". He got more comfortable, headbanging the way he always did making you giggle "your really looking good bam" "you too y/n, are we almost there?" "Very close, something i should probably tell you first" he raised his brow, stopping his small rave "what?" "My mums really ill, thats why im back home" "oh shit..."

You purposely get out of the car before bam, speed walking to your door "there you are! Thought u popped your clogs for a min-" "dad, someone decided to tag along me" "hey brian!" Bam greeted him with a smile, holding all your shopping bags. your dads face dropped. Your dad didnt like bam, he thought he was a 'bad example' if anything "hello brandon" he says through gritted teeth, standing aside for you both to make your way in "hey princess, long time no see!" However, your mom had always been a fan, he always flattered her "bam! Nice seeing you son!" Bam had walked into the kitchen with the bags, he knew his way around the house too well. You followed behind him, helping putting the groceries away "its weird seeing you being responsible" "me? Well you know, im just trying to make it easier for your mom" he spoke, head in the freezer putting the icecream away "it means the world to us bam thankyou" he gets up with a genuine smile you missed with your whole soul on his face "princess do you need anything in?" He shouts to your mum "all i need is a catch up from you m'love" "im great with women what can i say" he winks at you, making his way into the living room.

Four hours of bam talking about jackass, the new show he had coming up and relentless questions from your dad had passed. It had became clear that ur dad didnt really hate bam as much as he used to *KNOCK KNOCK* you stood up "ill get that!" You opened the door to ryan, novak, raab, dico and frantz looking at you like lost children "is bam here?" Novak asked "yeah hes just-" all the boys pushed by you into your living room where bam sat with a cup of tea laughing with your mom "bam we have been looking for you like crazy!" Ryan says, nodding a hello to your mom and dad "ryan please leave" you asked impatiently "its okay fattie mcfat fat we are talking to bam" dico said in his best ‘intelligent’ voice, your dad got annoyed at his comment, knowing how youve been struggling with your weight as a child "get out! Out!" He shouts, the boys running out like a flock of scared sheep. You met them out of the door "stop calling me that!" "But you think its funny?" "Ive never found it funny! Its fucking upsetting, just leave. My mums ill and shes happy around bam. Im sure you can deal without him for a little" "yeah lets go guys, sorry for the hassle" ryan apologised, all of them walking away.

You open your door to bam putting on his jacket "im so sorry about that david" "its okay brandon. We will see you later" you dad walked back to the living room and left you and bam im the hall way "im so sorry for that y/n" you shook your head "its fine call me" you slipped your number into his hands and he left with a beaming smile.

~

The next day u heard absolutely nothing from bam, your phone firm in your hand but not a single message went through. You helped your mum stay comfy, fix the heating for her, make her cups of tea and she was forever grateful "sunshine? Wheres bam?" Sunshine was a nickname bam and your mom had given you that you hadnt heard in too long "i dont know mom, he hasnt called" you tried to hide how disappointed you where "thats a shame, i found a show me mightve liked"

12am arrived and you sat in your childhood bedroom, looking at your phone as if itwould suddenly beep on. But it didnt. Instead of getting all hung up over him again you stuck on the cky disk that lay ndxt to your cd player quietly.

1am *tink* you heard a little noise but ignored it *tink* *tink* what the fuck? You looked round your room for the small noise *TINK* it sounded from your window and you opened your blinds, bam and ryan stood how they always did at the bottom, you opened your window and stuck your head out "what are you? Children?" "Yeah, we are coming up"  you watched as the two climbed up on the small roof, helping eachother out. You grabbed onto ryans clammy hand to help him and he helped bam in "cky? Awesome!" Ryan said loudly, walking to the cd player "ryan shut the fuck up my parents are home" "what are you? A child?" You smacked his head with the back of your hand. Ryan was like the cousin you would only see occasionally. Bam lay in your bed behind you, you felt like you had two toddlers twaddling around all curious "sorry y/n i cant stay for long, bam told me not to" ryan said looking back at you both, the light against his face showing his growing facial hair  "that wasnt the excuse we practiced pube face" bam groaned "whaaat? Im forgetful remember?" Ryan said sarcastically, they went on like a married couple too often.

30 minutes later, ryan was leaving out the window leaving only you and bam "this room hasnt changed at all" He spoke taking your attention away from the window where you watched ryan walk back to his house "i havent been in it for 5 years, you laughed, looking around "what happened to the camera?" "The camera? OH" you searched under your bed for the professional camera that you had gotten with your own money in the 90s, coated in dust "i retired her alittle" you laughed. Bam put his arm around you the way he always did when you would show him the pictures and held you close. The pictures loaded up as you went through them, the occasional funny ones or ones where he fell appeared.

They brought you back to that point in your life when you would run away with him, drinking in abandoned skateparks and annoying the locals. 'Outlaws' , 'misfits' they called you. You laughed in their faces, so unaware of what was to come.

"god these are so good" he laughed, eventually you came across a picture of you two kissing and skipped by it quickly "hey what was that?" Bam laughed, skipping back "wow shes gorgeous i wonder where she is now" he nudged you "SHE is? Have you saw him?" You nudged him back "y/n?" "Yes bam bam?" "Can i kiss you?" Your face flushed and you looked at him supprised, instead of answering you kissed him, his warm hand coming up to cradle your face. You didnt want to have sex with him, you didnt need to. All you wanted was to feel whole again with him, the feeling of having him near was all you wanted "i missed you" you whispered, bringing your head down onto his shoulder "why didnt you call or visit me after i left you?" He brought his arms around you "i was scared" "scared?" "I didnt want to admit that i was a shitty boyfriend" “did you even think of contacting me?” “No… im sorry. I was a naive child” “so was i” he planted a gentle kiss on your forehead “so when are you going back?” “Tomorrow..." "tomorrow ?!" He freaks out grabbing your hands and pulling away from the hug "why are you leaving me so soon" you laugh alittle "bam i have a job, a house" "friends?" Your face drops.

Maybe delaware wasnt a bad place to live in but god you where fucking lonley. Day after day after day you would wake up in a double bed alone hoping that somehow you would wake up in the warm embrace of him.

"i dont need friends" "y/n cmon, you got a good thing here in westchester" bam brought your hands up to his face as he looked deep into your eyes “bam its not that simple, i cant just give up my life” “well tonight im going to make up for being so shitty. Get your shit together we are going”

[despite-everything]

i feel like every time i finally feel at peace about going no-contact with my mother something happens again that makes it sickening and one of the hardest things i've done.

i don't think i've ever burst into tears like this before. i dont even cry that often but im just really fucking going through it tonight. my mother texted me photos of the land she's bought down in central texas to build a ranch house on. when i was a kid, my grandparents had ranches. my grandmother was raised on one, too, and its gone back in our family. so i grew up on the ranch for holidays, long weekends, and portions of the summer. when my grandmother died and my parents divorced when i was a preteen, i went with my dad and my connection with that side of the family was almost severed because of my mothers tendency to spread lies and rumors which made me and my father unwelcome. a few years ago, the ranch became public property which is something im grateful for, but its weird to go back and visit, and i live nowhere near there anymore.

i basically went no-contact with my mother two years ago when she used my grandfather's death against me in a really terrible way. that was my grandfather who ranched. i long to be back in central texas. i feel so at home there. but im trans and unless i get one of a few very specific jobs (probably in austin) i wont go back and that breaks my fucking heart. my mother still texts me sometimes, and i havent blocked her because ive been informed of major family news from her even though i cant respond. she bought some land a few months ago and is building on the property and is going to move back to texas. she sent me update photos of the land tonight as well as a story about a beautiful coyote skeleton picked clean by buzzards on the property. i was the family member who collected bones from the ranch. i genuinely burst into tears when i saw the photos.

and then she followed up by talking about how she intends to build a small ranch house and a small guest house for friends and family to feel welcome and visit. and i just can't stop crying. that's all i've ever wanted. my grandparents had several ranches, but sold them. they asked every other person in the family if they'd be willing to take it over and manage it except for me - the one person who had always wanted to do that. but no one asked me and it was at a tumultuous time in my parents marriage so i didnt know until years later and too late. and theres almost no chance in hell i could ever afford property like that unless i inherit. and since all the ranches were sold and my grandparents are dead, i don't think that will ever happen to me. the ranch they lived on was The Ranch in the sense that it had a guest cabin and enough space for family to visit and at holidays there'd be 12-15 of us. i fucking miss that so much and theres no way to get it back and i know that but the fact that my mother is managing to re-create that same thing and i can't be part of it without hurting myself immensely is so sickening to me.

like i feel like im rambling and just sound stupid or ungrateful or something but its like ive been coming to terms with the fact that i'll never have an intact family again and im never going to have access to "home" unless i create one from scratch and i miss living in texas even with the bad parts and i miss the ranch and my family and this woman who has hurt me so fucking much suddenly gets to have this amazing life where she's becoming the new family matriarch and creating a place for everyone to gather and be happy hurts so so so much. im scared i will forgive her. ive cut her off then accepted her back before and it only made things worse. if i know whats good for me i'll stay away. but it's like the thing i've wanted more than anything else in the entire world is being dangled in front of me but if i accept it i might as well kill myself.

[officialbillhader]

Sometimes i wish abuse was more black and whote than it actually is. Like, if my father were to hit me right now, i'd know what to do. I'd know that i had to leave him at all costs. Him and i would not need to be close anymore. But what are you supposed to do when your father looks you dead in the eyes and asks you if it's alright if he kills himself after you leave and his 91 yr old mother dies? Or really, after his mother dies. He couldnt die before his mother. It wouldnt be fair or right. But, oh, the selfish act of suicide inflicted upon your daughter would be good and justified. Sometimes i leave, other times i push him like im some kind of psychiatrist, the psychiatrist that he refuses to visit. I find out that he doesnt want to die. He doesnt want to kill himself. He's saying it as a way to inflict pain upon those that are supposed to love him. He thinks it justified. We dont love him enough, he thinks. We just want him dead, he says. A lot of times, it's easier to pretend we do.

He gets physical with my mom, at times. Scares her into thinking he'll do something awful. She'll leave the room, but never leave him. She's both the strongest and weakest person i know. Fantasizing about us moving away from him, but wont do it. Some days, i become her stand into him. I take on her face, become the women he lashes out against the most, and it isnt easy, because i used to be able to control him. To get him to shut up. Now im nothing more than the woman who trapped in a marriage that forces him to joke about hiring prostitutes to get laud. Am i worthy of being the stand in? Am i worthy of the hatred? Its so much easier when my mom is with me because then we know hes being ridiculous. We escape into eachother.

But when its just me and him and he decides im not worthy of being my own person, he bitches and bitches and wants to call me a selfish bitch just like my mother all because i asked if he would help me bring the mattress into my room that i had asked him to help me with five hours ago. Bc his daughter wanted his help. Instead, she tells him to leave, she moves the mattress herself, she sobs the entire time, she promises herself she wont speak to him anymore. Maybe the silent treatment will get him to realize he needs help. She knows she wont do it.

Its not all like this. Just last weekend, we went down to my apartment and packed the rest of my things. He was pleasant enough all day. We take road trips, go to packed concerts, visit family (where he can despise his mother and pretend he loves his wife), have a good time. He's my father. He's the dad that everyone wishes they had. He knows how to hide himself still, though it gets harder every day.

It's always easy to tell someone else that their loved one is abusing them. I reassure my mom that hes abusing her, she reassures me hes abusing me. But when youre alone in your room debating, its an entirely different story. You think about the good. You think about how much easier life will be. You think about the nice boy you broke up with bc he bitched about how you did the dishes and you cant risk marrying someone like youre dad. You think about the time your mom has expressed regret at marrying him, only to inadvertly say that he was not worth your existence. You forget that 30 year wedding anniversaries aren't supposed to be purposely forgotten about, but celebrated with parties. You think about how your dad cuddles with the kitten sweetly, but thinks its funny to turn the stovetop on when they walk across it. You think about how he hurt your half sibling more than he could ever hurt you. You think about how your children won't be allowed much of a relationship with him.

You think about all of this while you put damp sheets on the mattress that you hauled into your room by yourself. Youre not sure if its abuse or a bad day. Tomorrow, he could be fine. Today, you stressed him too much by asking for too much of his help. Tomorrow, hopefully, you wont wake up with damp sheets.

[giya-goates]

I'm ranting right now.

I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I'm getting closer and closer to graduation and I've lost all motivation.

My hobbies? I haven't picked up a paintbrush in MONTHS. I no longer draw with a joy for creating, just making it perfect. I can't seem to just- MAKE SOMETHING FOR FUN!! Everything needs a reason!

I don't have a job, I'm considering not joining musical theatre this year even though it is the thing that makes me interact with people the most, pulling me out of my shell.

I don't know what I'll do with my life, I don't want to make my hobby of art my job and lose the joy in it, but is there any joy in it now?

I have maybe 5 friends that I talk to regularly and possibly 9 or 10 total. I can't make myself talk to people and previous friends are just doing better than before and I haven't talked to properly in a YEAR.

I miss myself. I don't recognize me anymore. I think I was happiest at 10. She knew what she wanted. She was creative, friendly, curious. She was full of joy and childhood whimsy.

I want to know what my future holds. I'm scared of the future. I don't know if I'll make it. I know I'm young, I'm 15 but I'm so scared. My body feels like it's failing- my bones and joints have been in pain and cracking for years, my body will randomly experience pain that causes difficulty to breathe or aches so bad and I don't know what to do or what it is!!

I want love, I want to go on at least one date! Is that so much to ask? Sure, a relationship isn't everything, BUT I DONT FEEL LIKE IM CAPABLE OF LOVE!! who loves me? I see relationships all around me, and I want that but I can't put myself out there.

I've been worrying all night about what I'm doing with my life, do I even want to try to get into college? It all feels pointless and I don't even know what I would do

I just want to know what everything is leading to so I don't have this dread of growing up. I don't want to cry quietly like now, I want to be able to cry loud and messy like when you're a kid and I just want to be hugged by both my parents at the same time!!

When was the last time I didn't feel the constant nagging at the back of my head. Why is it that I have to live in THIS world? Where everything is just getting worse and worse and I can't do anything but watch? Im not old enough to actually DO something, I hate feeling so much hate and anger all the time but it just doesn't go away.

I want to be my 5 year old self again, who collected rocks for no reason, who climbed on trees and rocks, who wore a tutu or a dress for every outfit, who well and truly Loved school, who sang songs wrong with confidence, was did things despite being scared. I want to be that little girl again. I want to feel the childhood innocence of a loved and happy kid. Because that the last time things were normal, wasn't it?

Before my parents split up, before I questioned why they stopped loving eachother, before I knew how mean my mom's family was, before I knew of my grandpa's depression, before i had stepbrothers who anger my father everyday despite him being such a kind and loving man, because I'm his girl. Im my dad's daughter, the one who gets the least amount of time with him despite being his only biological child. Because his fiancee lives with him with her kids, making him have to work more and be more tired. I miss going swimming every weekend with him, going to playland with him every summer, and it's just the two of us. I can't remember the last time I had a full day with him and ONLY him.

God I just want to not be like this, an amalgamation of what other people think of me and who I am. I don't know who I am anymore just what others think, how long have I been thinking bad of myself? I found work from the fifth grade already showing how I saw myself as annoying and bad. Why am I like this

[lolatalks1]

wed, dec 6 2023

this is my first real journal entry, and i dont think dear diary is fitting to start this. i mean its just tumblr. i started this little blog because i need somewhere to vent, and so here i am. that sounds like my pinned post but its whatever. im not sure why im typing like im talking to someone, so i think i should stop explaining myself.

ive heard its good to write out how you feel, so i think im going to do just that. (im explaining myself again)- today was at first a good day, i woke up relatively early and was able to get ready for school quicker than i do normally- which is a win in my book. i was able to lay in my bed- which i need to wash the sheets of. my dog keeps laying where i sleep, which flares up my bad acne. i cant blame him though, i practically leave my side of the bed in a perfect napping position for him. anyways- i was able to lay down and read a little of this cute story about a single mother and a man in the military being her neighbor! very cute, very cute. then my dad took me and derek around eight o' five, then we got to school, and it was super cold outside. having to stand and wait for the doors to open is not enjoyable- at least i had derek -my cousin- with me. recently ive been a little harsher with him, but i thinks its because ive been a bit on edge with everything as of late. i dont mean to ignore- i think i should start working on that. he already has a lot going on.

continuing, i went to class. first period was tame, i mean nothing too much happened. really essentially a free day. aryeana ? im not sure how to spell her name now that i realize it- but she was there talking with jacob about whatever. sometimes i feel a little outcasted when with them- but i guess thats because im not that much of a conversational person when i cant think of a topic that will be enjoyable for all of us. i mean, i like anime and overwatch- and some more things. all those things they either dont like or make fun of- so theres no middle ground for us to converse on. i mean, only thing i can talk about is boys with ary. but its more so talking about aryeana's endless snaps with multiple guys and shes boasting about it- as well as boasting about her not being able to talk to guys. she is really contradictory. i dont hate or get mad at her though, shes nice to me. and cate is there- she kinda helps me relax. shes just a very nice person and since ive known her for so long i dont feel like i have to be super fake with them.

i think- well i know- my day went downhill when my mom finally replied to my messages. i had texted her about going to cam's surprise birthday dinner on sunday night- and she said yes! but then i asked her about saturday, if i can go shopping with her. i needed to go to barnes and noble to get multiple books that several people wanted for christmas, and maybe the mall to get some other things like candles from bath and body works. but anyways- she then revealed shes not going to be here this saturday- more so this entire weekend.... fun.

i just dont understand how she can just go i mean- i know where shes going- hell the whole family does. its nothing new, but the fact its such a repetitive thing and she always did it around familial times (thanksgiving and now christmas). i really dont get, seriously. and ive come to learn that she goes to some town with a new guy each time. what happened to her being with ron? her last boyfriend- i knew of at least. my nana mentioned she didnt like him because how he treated my mom, so im guessing he was abusive or really shitty. i dont care, and i guess thats a bad thing. i see it as karma now. i use to feel bad, want to console her. but ive lost it. lost that empathy.

anyways, she just makes me so- angry. to the point i can't focus on happier aspects of things because shes simply just so intoxicating with her narcissistic behavior. shes so aware that what she does angers and breaks the family, but she cant find it in herself to realize that its bad. how? im not sure. she didnt have a horrible upbringing nor a traumatic event with my dad. so i cant find a genuine reason behind what she does. its whatever, i keep trying to myself i shouldnt care so much. but i cant help it. it affects my home life, makes me i guess more so depressed? i dont want to self diagnose though. but shes the reason behind my upset outlook for today. hell even started playing class of 2013 by mitski- the lyrics hitting a bit too close to home. so yeah. thats all for now i guess, im not sure how journalling works. i guess ill start learning.

[illwait4you]

i want to fucking kill mydelf

i got a job like may 2022 and i didnt rlly talk to anyone until like fall 2022, where i rlly became close yo this girl 2 years younger than me, which like yeah makes me feel weird sometimes bc like idk. we used to hang out like all the time, like every weekend she would sleep over, we talked sm shit abt like everyone, from what i remember we like almost never ran out of things to talk abt. we would talk abt our co workers and our schools( bc we go to diff schools), and we hung out a lot this june too, and then she went on vacation to a diff country for like two weeks, which im not saying is wrong like im not trying to be controlling or anything. i just suck at texting, so we didnt talk much while she was gone. the friend that she was travelling with’s dad bought her some like gimicky alc and she said she got me a bottle. she said we would hang out as soon as she got back, but i realized that she never rlly made plans, and didnt rlly trll me that she got back, and left for another trip a couple days later, she didnt tell me she was leaving. i didnt talk to her much on that trip either, she got back like a week ago. ever sonce then its just been weird. shes suddenly obsessed w this guy who goes to her school, who’s my age and jokes about being a pedophile. he only dates freshmen, and but he has his own car and license. she keeps calling him like cute but istg he looks like a british 13 year old. shes been hanging out w him and his ugly friend all day for the past couple days, even though she keeps making plans w me then doesnt text me back when i ask abt the plans. for hours. which means i look fucking clingy and she probably thinks im annoying, but she also has some of my stuff. like my weed which i literally cant sleep without. i had to leave my nic and weed at her house last night bc i thought my mom was gonna search me and i was going yo her house even though she wasnt there, but it wouldve been fine, i wouldve just told her parents i left something vv important there and grabbed it, i found out she was out w my nic, and i def think that she let the guys she was w hit it, which i think is rlly annoying. she literally asked to borrow it the other day, probably to like ficking impress them or something. anyways idk what to do, she quit the job we worked at together and ik that we r just gonna grow apart but i rlly need my stuff back so im gonna try and get it tomorrow. problem is that her friend also works w me, and we’re friends, shes also friends w the guys but isnt as like annoying abt it. i just dont want to talk to either of them.

[squingy]

-

[sscoutregimentss]

i know we as a collective society believe in gamer! eren supremacy. and yes, this is a good take. however, may i introduce to you: normie/fuckboy/jock eren with gamer/nerd gf. thoughts under the cut (safe for work, pg-13, also slight snk spoilers for season 3 and up!)

see, eren isnt necessarily a fuckboy. in fact, hes very loyal! he doesnt really think that way about any girls or guys except you. but hes popular romantically and had a reputation for sleeping around before he met you (not that theres anything wrong with that but ya know word travels fast across campus). plus, cmon the dude is in a frat, super hot and has a tongue piercing. he cant blame anyone for thinking he is a fuckboy bc he exudes the energy.

you are kind of the complete opposite. you dont really enjoy parties and you keep to yourself. you're a total wreck when it comes to flirting and your kinda oblivious to whenever people like you. you dont have many friends and are a bigger fan of 2d people than 3d.

either way eren finds you so so so cute. he first approached you at one of his frat parties. your roommates convinced you to come after she said that someone (read: connie) had a dance dance revolution mat, but you kinda just stuck around in a corner staring at your cup once you lost them. he looks you up and down-- your outfit was pretty cute, a short plaid orange pleated skirt, dress shirt, orange cardigan and black beret laying neatly upon your head. and your face... he couldn't help himself but try to talk to you. you were really anxious because wahhh scary sports guy you dont know but he was kinda instantly comforting? in a way? and he was freaking pretty. he looked like a final fantasy character--long haired characters were your type. the rest was kind of history.

a lot of people are shocked when they find out your dating bc you two are so different (some people are surprise eren “dates” at all) but no one dares question your relationship when they see how much eren dotes on you. he has so many polaroids of you in his wallet-- from the many arcade dates you bring him on where you decimate him at almost every game, you awkwardly posing in the hentai section of bookstores, or just candids of you being intensely focused on a puzzle in a game. whenever you guys go out to eat and somethings wrong with your meal, he'll send it back (in a polite way, of course, but hes still assertive.) or if you buy like a figurine and its misisng something hes marching up to the cashier stand for you. he always has an arm around your waist or is holding is hand in yours. sometimes you just cling onto his arm and rest your head on it (hes comfy!!!!! and you are always tired) your both pretty clingy, but you get kinda awkward when you two are around people you know so he just kinda subtly holds you as to not make a scene. its nice. hes comfy.

youve got dual monitors, a pc you made yourself, rgb keyboard, the whole nine yards. all your consoles are up to date and you keep a handheld system on you at all times. you spend most your weekends watching anime and movies and tv shows and your shelves are piled high with books and comic books. eren literally does not understand any of it. when you told him you built your pc he goes "you made all those microchippy things? youre soooo smart babe". when you talk about some of your weirder or more complicated animes he nods along but honestly he gets so lost ("so like, lemme get this straight, the kids dad's wife ate his mom?" "yeah but like she was turned into a titan so she didn't realllllly know it was the dads wife, but like she literally walks past this titan shifter so i think she knew." "thats crazy.") and he will never understand the point of otome games when hes literally right there. he actually has a really bad habit of getting jealous of characters you have a crush on but you just find it funny. sometimes he gets an ego boost when they look like him because even if they look like him he is actually real so they can suck it.

hes rlly supportive tho. erens a rlly passionate person and he loves you a lot so he pours a lot of passion into what you do. if you are into esports/fps games hes cheers you on all the time and does all the raging for you ("BABE THAT GUY IS STREAM SNIPING! HES STREAM SNIPING YOU HEY ASSHOLE STOP CHEATING OFF MY GIRLFRIEND" "eren he cant stream snipe me because i dont stream" "oh i thought that just meant cheating"/"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL HER?" "eren its okay i can just report him" "NO NO LET ME AT HIM IF HE WANTS TO CALL YOU A BITCH I CAN CALL HIM MUCH WORSE" "um guys im gonna mute my mic for a second if you need me text chat") if youre into cozy games he likes to watch you play and gives you ideas on where to put things. like in minecraft he makes you put a second bed for him even though he doesnt play and he helps you name all your pets. you get a little less intense with cozy games so you sit on his lap and he lets his hair down puts his head on your shoulder and points at where you should place stuff. he still rages though? this is eren jaeger we are talking about. ("aw, she wont move to my island." "WHAT? who does that little ugly squirrel think she is? you think youre too good for MY y/n's island? i'll shave your unibrow off. then we'll see what island will want you" "leave hazel alone! shes cute!"/"dude that hamster guy with the glasses looks like armin" "graham? what? armin doesnt even wear glasses" "no no look at it more" "oh shit youre right") rpgs/otome games are kinda a wild card with how he acts. if its an otome game and the character looks like him he is more into helping you out because it reaffirms to him that you find him good looking but otherwise he is just sulking and calling them annoying ("princess y/n... i know im just a servant, but i want to be with you forever!" "pft. get a load of this guy. clingy much?" "its romantic! youre jealous.")

one of his favorite things to do with you is cuddle and watch anime. usually he lies his face on your thighs or chest while watching and you play with his hair or he holds you in his chest and you play with one of his hands while the other goes behind his head. he grew up on some of the classics like naruto sailor moon one piece pokemon and dbz but he never got super into it until he started dating you. you put him on to soooo many good shows (cartoons, anime, and live action) hes both a crier and he is a get-angrier(?). he gets mad on characters behalfs and you have to pause the show so he can rant about how annoying someone is or he feels so bad for someone so he has to take a minute because hes tearing up. he likes slice of life anime because the friendships <3 theyre so wholesome and they remind him of him armin and mikasa but he also likes shounen because it is entertaining to watch fights. he gets really into them actually. he also has this really bad habit of whenever there is a character with no parents or a dead mom he goes "oh same" or "welcome to the club buddy" under his breath. when theres a cute couple in an anime you both like guys get matching keychains of them unless one of them dies because he thinks its bad luck. his favorite animes are haikyuu, your lie in april and code geass.

you are equally supportive of erens volleyball career. you know all the rules because sports anime and you actually find yourself really liking it in 3d as well (it is lacking in bromance and screaming but you let it slide). you go to all his games and he always texts you before his practices. has a habit of kissing you before games and one day after he kisses you go "gg ez win" as a JOKE but then they like decimate their long time rival marley university and get into nationals (is that a thing for volleyball idk sports) so hes convinced its because you did your "gamer magic". now every time after getting his good luck kiss he interlocks your pinkies and you go "gg ez win" and he goes “yes.” because to this day he doesnt know what it means (he thinks googling it is like breaking the magic)

okay im gonna stop while im ahead BECAUSE I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS ALL DAY I MIGHT JUST GO AHEAD AND WRITE SOME ONESHOTS....

[sunrisefairy]

Cameras and crushes

Pairing: George Weasley x reader

Warning: Alcohol, small mention of death, pure fluffiness 

Summary: Y/N is used to being a background character someone you glaze over but never really notice. But more recently she longed for someone to see her, well she longed for a certain redhead to see her. 

A/N: Wrote this for @theweasleysredhair​​ writing challenge based off the prompt “You remembered?” very proud of this fic so i hope you love it as much as i do. All feedback is welcomed :))))

italics represent a flashback 

Taglist: send me a message if you would like to be added @hufflepuff5972​ @inglourious-imagines​ @klausdatprettyboi​ @georgeweasleyswhre​​

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Y/N is very content with being a background character, she’s quite used to it actually. Growing up with 3 older and much louder brothers she was pretty happy with sticking to the sidelines, letting them be noisy and crazy while she kept to herself. Y/N grew up with mostly boys around her, her mother passed away when she was young. Y/N would always beg her brothers and her dad for stories of her mother, wanting to feel closer to her. Y/N’s dad would fondly retell memories of his beautiful wife, reminiscing on how witty and charismatic she was. He’d mention all the small, quirky things she would do which made him fall hard and fast for her. Y/N longed for that kind of love, she longed for someone to take notice of her in the way her dad did for her mum. Ever since Y/N was a little girl she yearned to be heard and seen but that proved difficult when you’re as shy and quiet as her.

Judging by most of the people in Y/N’s life she seemed to attract the boisterous types, guessing her quiet nature balanced them out. She loved her friends with her entire heart, even if their personalities were the opposite of hers, Y/N wouldn’t change their qualities if she could.

One of her friends, although still lively and vibrant as the others, also had a calm and tranquil side to him. George Weasley. Y/N had only known George for a few years having met at Lee Jordan’s 18th birthday 3 years ago. Somehow that night she had ended up climbing a tree with the tall redhead whom she had only met 30 minutes prior.

“How the hell did you get up to that branch?” Y/N mumbled, trying to figure out how to reach the higher branch where George Weasley was currently sitting, his long legs swinging back and forth as he chuckled at the girl below him.

“I used that branch sticking out there and then swung my leg up to get here.” George points to the branch to the girls left. 

Y/N grunts as she attempts what George said but huffs and pouts her lip feeling defeated, “you forget that I have little legs, unlike you Mr. giraffe.”

George rolls his eyes and stretches his hand out, “try again, I’ll help pull you up.”

Somehow, George manages to pull Y/N up and they sit comfortably next to one another up high in the tree. “There you go little bunny, don’t go falling off now.”

Y/N rolls her eyes at the nickname wishing she had brought her cider up with her feeling very self-conscious and unsure of what to do her shaking hands.

The pair fall into a comfortable silence, watching the party goers below them gathered around a very intoxicated birthday boy chanting as he chugs another beer, “we love to drink with Lee cause Lee is our mate and when we drink with Lee he gets it down in 8…7…”

Their voices drown out as George gently nudges Y/N’s shoulder pulling her attention back to him, “soo, Y/N I hear you’re not much of the talker?”

Y/N blushes hard grateful for the lack of light outside. “No I guess not. Not many are interested in what I have to say.”

George smiles, his eyes not leaving the girl beside him, “well I am. Tell me something.”

Y/N chews on her bottom lip nervously and looks back at the drunk crowd, “like what?”

George shrugs, he didn’t really mind what the conversation was about, he just wanted to hear the pretty girl speak. “I dunno, anything. Tell me about something that makes you happy.”

Y/N racks her brain for something to talk about, her palms getting sweaty from the long silence. Finally, she settles on something that always fills her with joy, her mother.

“Um okay so,” she starts staring at the leaves swaying in the tree, pushing down the anxiety. “Before my mother died she always had this film camera with her, my dad used to joke around saying that she loved this camera more than him,” Y/N chuckles quietly before continuing “She would take photos of the most random things, we have this big box back home filled with all the photos she ever took with that camera.” Y/N pauses, fumbling with her fingers. “I wish we still had the camera. You see after my mum passed, dad had to look after us 4 kids and with only one income coming in, it was pretty tough. For my 12th birthday I reeeaaally wanted a new bike, I’d complained for years that I couldn’t have my brothers old one because it was a gross boy’s bike. So, my dad sold my mums camera to get me a pink one. Kind of wish he didn’t because I would have loved to still have mum’s camera with us.”

Y/N finished and chewed her lip realising speaking about her dead mother probably wasn’t a great conversation piece, but any story of her mother always made her feel warm inside.

George hadn’t taken his eyes off her throughout the whole story, his heart fluttering when her eyes had lit up as she spoke about her mother.

“I’m sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear, it was the first thing that popped into my head.” Y/N mumbled.

George simply shook his head and replied, “you don’t ever have to apologise to me for saying what’s on your mind Y/N. I’ll listen to whatever you have to say.”

For the first time in a while, Y/N felt seen.

Y/N’s phone dings and she pulls it from her pocket to read the message.

-Hey bunny :) so 4 tonight, we’re aiming to get to urs at like 7. does that work for u?

It was from George. Even if she didn’t have his number saved, she’d be able to tell it was from the redhead simply from his choice of nickname. Y/N hated when he called her bunny but George insisted on using the nickname ever since Lee’s 18th mainly because he thought it was cute not that he would tell her that.

Y/N’s heart thumped harder in her chest purely from the fact that George had texted her. Her crush on George had amplified over the years of knowing the boy, feeling both thankful and uneasy at the fact that he had so effortlessly slotted into their tight friendship group mainly because he was always around making Y/N a stuttering mess.

Y/N’s fingers fumble as she types out a response, it was her birthday today and all her friends we’re persistent in throwing her a party. They had agreed to a small gathering at Y/N’s place, Y/N didn’t want them to make such a fuss over it.

-Hey Georgie, 7 is perfect! Cant wait.

-See u then bunny, hope ur ready to get ur drink on ;)

-IDK, after the other weekend I dont think im ready to face alcohol again

-nope! no excuses from u, u only turn 21 once

Y/N chuckles at George’s message and goes back to tidying her house, ready for tonight.

~~~~

As soon as it hits 7pm her friends are barging through her front door lugging drinks.

Each of them greet Y/N giving her a hug and wishing her happy birthday.

“We’ll do presents later, first let’s get some drinks into us!” Angelina cheers as she starts to mix some deadly concoction. Alicia connects her phone to the speaker, the living room filling with music.

Y/N jumps as a voice pipes up from behind her, “happy birthday little bunny.”

She turns facing George as he places a brightly coloured wrapped box on the counter with the other presents. He opens his arms, engulfing her into a giant hug. Y/N wraps her arms around his waist, giving him a tight squeeze, “thanks” she mumbles into his chest before pulling away looking up at his warm eyes. They stare at each other for a second before the moment is broken when Fred places something on Y/N’s head.

“A birthday tiara for the birthday girl” Fred states loudly, Y/N glances at the mirror hanging from the wall on her left sees a plastic silver and pink tiara perched upon her head.

“Oh god,” Y/N mumbles adjusting it slightly.

Lee shouts over the music, drawing everyone’s attention over to him. “Okay everyone, the ever lovely Angie has made us each a questionable looking but delicious drink to start the night. So get your butts over here and let’s get this party started!”

A few hours and many, many drinks later, everyone is huddled in the living room, sitting on the couches watching Y/N open her presents. So far, she had gotten some perfume from Angelina, chocolates and a gorgeous photo frame from Alicia and Fred and Lee had gifted Y/N with a bottle of wine and voucher from the little boutique at the corner of her street. Y/N’s cheeks were hurting from smiling so much and her heart swelled at the sweet gifts her friends had gotten her.

“Okay, only one left,” Alicia says, clapping her hands excitedly.

“Probably the best one,” Fred whispers to Lee.

“Of course it’s going to be the best one you idiot,” Angelina says as a matter of fact, overhearing the two boys.

George, who is sitting to Y/N’s right, hands over the brightly colour box, trying to hide his excitement and nerves. “Here you go Y/N, happy birthday.”

The box feels heavy in Y/N’s grasp as she places it in her lap tearing off the wrapping paper. Y/N glances around, noticing everyone’s eager eyes on her. She sees Angelina nudge Alicia’s side smiling at each other knowingly. Y/N furrow her brows, slightly confused then draws her attention back to the box. She ripped off the paper carefully and uncover a brown box, no hints as to what is inside.

“Oh my god, hurry up and open it the suspense is killing me!” Fred says impatiently, George whacks him across the head telling him to shut up.

Y/N take off the lid and immediately her mouth gapes open finally seeing what’s inside. She shakily lifts the film camera out of the box and hold it so gently as if it’s made of diamonds and gold.

Small tears prick in Y/N’s eyes, shocked and surprised at George’s gift, it looks exactly like the one her mother had.

She manages to squeak out a small, “you remembered?” referring to the first conversation they had 3 years prior.

George has a small smile etched onto his lips. “Of course I did, I remember everything you tell me. I take a lot of pride in knowing everything about you actually.” He says, puffing his chest out proudly.

“Yeah like what?” Y/N cradles the camera in her arms.

“Well,” George starts. “I know that you hate the smell tequila because it reminds you of your 18th when you spent most of the night by the toilet. I know that you can’t sleep if the room is dead quiet. I know that you love buying plants but can never seem to keep them alive. I know you never wear matching socks because you think it’s a fun way to spice up an outfit.” He finishes smugly.

Alicia and Angelina let out a small aww in the background reminding Y/N of the 4 other sets of eyes watching her and George right now.

“Well there’s one thing you don’t know about me.”

“Yeah? What’s that then?” George counters.

Y/N doesn’t know where she musters up the courage from to speak the next words, maybe from the alcohol buzzing through her body or finally being sick of keeping this to herself for the past 3 years. Whatever it may be, she’s rather proud of herself, ignoring the way her stomach churns.

“That I have a huge crush on you.”

She expected George to laugh in her face before rejecting her gently. What Y/N definitely didn’t expect was him to cradle her face in his large hands, pressing a sweet but passionate kiss to her pink lips. She squeaks in surprise before melting into the kiss, gripping onto his shirt tightly, scared he would slip away.

Much to Y/N’s dismay George pulls away from the kiss tucking a strand of her hair back behind her ear, “no I knew that too.”

“Wha-how?” Y/N stutters.

The attention is pulled to Alicia as she begins to speak, “it wasn’t much of a secret babe. Everybody knew you were crushing on George. Can’t believe it took either one of you so long to do something about it.”

“Little Georgie here spent months trying to find that camera for you as a way to confess his undying love for you.” Fred reaches over and ruffles his twin’s hair who shoves him off.

“Yep, we were all so bloody excited for you to open his presents so you two can stop pining over each other.” Lee adds downing the rest of his drink then standing up. “Right, now the two love birds have finally confessed their feelings. Who’s up for a round of beer pong? Reigning champion here has yet to be defeated.”

“You’re on Jordan, that ego of yours has gotten large enough.” Fred challenges, everyone moving over to the table to set up for beer pong. Leaving Y/N and George alone on the couch.

George wraps his lanky arm around Y/N’s shoulder pulling her into his side, “I hope you’re enjoying your birthday bunny.”

Y/N grins widely, playing with her new camera before lifting it up and aiming it at George. “best birthday ever Georgie, thank you.” She squeezes the button down, snapping a picture of George who is staring at her like she’s the only person in the world.

Y/N is very content with being a background character, she’s quite used to it actually. But for once she doesn’t mind being the centre of someone’s undivided attention.

[watchmegetobsessed]

VALERIE - Part IV. (Harry Styles)

hello loves!! thank you so much for the feedbacks on the previous part, i love to see your thoughts at reactions so please keep them coming for the upcoming parts as well! i was informed that the posts weren’t showing up under the hashtags bc i had an extrernal link to the spotify playlist, so that won’t be available in the next parts, but you’ll always be able to find it in the masterpost if you’d like to give it a listen! those were the songs i listened to while writing the story! now, i dont want to keep you up any longer, here is part 4, one of my personal favs, and im excitedly waiting for your feedbacks on the post! have a wonderful reading!

word count: 4.5k

SERIES MASTERPOST

masterlist

Valerie is curiously watching her dad work on the portable bed they’ve brought over for the night, her little hands clutching onto Rosa’s shirt as she is telling you all about the list she has made for you. It’s not a long one, but you try to focus on every word she says, making sure you won’t mess anything up.

“I put an X behind the important ones,” she explains pointing at the paper and you nod, eyes roaming down on the few X’s on the list. “The other ones are just suggestions, things I thought you should know.

“Got it,” you nod again, biting into your bottom lip. Bath time, feeding, sleep time, everything is covered in the list and you’re happy she even mentioned the smallest details. Some things might be natural for her as she’s been doing it for months, but it’s your first time completely alone with a baby. You surely don’t want to mess this up, especially because you want her to trust you and let you look after Valerie more often. They deserve a break now and then.

Steven finishes the bed and backs out a few stuffed animals along with two blankets into it, making it look cozy and familiar for Val.

“But most importantly,” Rosa starts and you look her in the eyes. “Call us anytime if you need help or want us to take her home, and I mean it.”

“Not gonna happen,” you shake your head, earning a sigh from your sister.

“Y/N, I’m serious. We are thankful for the help, but it’s not your duty, alright? Just call us anytime, really.”

Nodding your head you flash a smile at her, knowing well nothing on Earth is gonna make you call them tonight. Okay, maybe there are some cases when you would call, but those are quite unlikely to happen.

She hands Valerie over who curiously eyes you before grabbing a handful of your shirt and making herself busy with the fabric.

“It’s gonna be fine. Have a great night, you deserve it,” you smile at them. Steven straightens up and curls an arm around Rosa’s waist as they watch Val in awe, clearly a little worried they are gonna spend an entire night without her, but you can tell they also can’t wait for some alone time.

“Alright, we should get going,” Rosa sighs and stepping closer she kisses Valerie’s head and then your cheek as well. “Have fun with your aunty! We’ll be back for you in the morning, Sweetie.”

She runs her hand over her little head and Valerie smiles at her happily, completely oblivious to what’s really happening. The joys of being just a baby!

Steven says goodbye to her as well and you all head to the door. 

“So, we’ll be here around eight, she is usually up by six. Do you want us to pick her up sooner?” Rosa asks standing at the front door.

“Sooner? I was about to tell you to sleep a little longer, you don’t have to come so early.”

“But we don’t want to take away your whole day, you need to rest too,” Steven explains, worry all over his face.

“Stop worrying about me, I’ll be fine. Just enjoy your night off! Come on, I’m throwing you guys out, time for the sleepover to start,” you tell them, shushing them out the door. 

It takes some time to finally get them to leave, but they eventually do. Then it’s just the two of you, alone for the first time.

“Ready for your first sleepover, Val?” you ask her, standing in the hallway of your apartment. She just stares back at you, saliva drooling from her mouth but even that looks cute on her. “Alright, let’s do this.”

You braced yourself for the worst. Thought about all the possibilities how the evening would go, but you hoped they wouldn't become reality. Unfortunately, baby Valerie had different plans for the two of you.

The first hour goes by fine. You feed her, have a little play time, reading her favorite book to her, but slowly, you notice her losing interest in anything and everything. Soon enough, you see her face distort into a grimace and a few moments later she starts crying and it’s straight downhill from there. 

Nothing can get her to stop. No food, no toy, absolutely nothing. You clown around, trying everything that pops into your mind that would calm her down, but it doesn’t seem like she is about to stop anytime soon. 

You start to panic. Rosa told you how fussy she is because of her teeth coming, but you didn’t think it would be this bad. When she’s been crying for an entire hour straight, for a split second, you think about calling Rosa. 

“No, not gonna do that,” you say, while Val is still screaming in your arms. “Valerie, what do you want? Tell me and I’ll give it to you, I promise! Just please stop crying!” you whine desperately, but, no surprise, no answer comes from the screaming babe in your arms, just more tears, puffy eyes and red cheeks from all the crying she’s been doing.

Trying to rock her into calmness you are moving around in the apartment when you hear your phone ringing. You instantly think it’s gonna be Rosa, wanting to check in on you, but how are you gonna answer the call when Valeries is screaming from the top of her lungs? She’ll come to pick her up straight away, no doubt about that.

Rushing into the kitchen you are relieved to see that it’s just Harry calling you.

“It’s not the best of times, Styles,” you sigh as you answer the call and put him on the speaker, leaving the phone on the countertop, so you have both your hands free for Valerie.

“Hey, I was just-- what the fuck is happening?” he asks hearing the deadly cries of Val through the line. “Is that Valerie?”

“It is! I’m looking after her so Rosa and Steven can celebrate their anniversary, but she just wouldn’t stop crying! I don’t know what to do!” 

You’re absolutely desperate. It’s so bad you can feel your throat closing up, nearing the edge of your patience, tears threatening to roll down your cheeks, but you tell yourself only one of you can cry at a time and Val has taken that spot quite some time ago, not even giving you a moment to let loose.

“Text me your address, I’m leaving now,” he orders and you snap your head towards the phone.

“What? No, Harry--”

“Just text me the damn address, Y/N!” he barks and the line cuts off right away. 

Your desperation pairs with shock now, not knowing what to think about this short, but quite eventful conversation you just had with him. It takes you a few moments to collect your thoughts, but you end up sending him your address. 

Nothing changes in the twenty minutes while you are waiting to hear anything from Harry following your text to him. Valerie keeps crying with three seconds of pauses when she takes a few deep breaths only to start screaming once again. Aside from the headache she is causing you, it’s becoming pretty impressive how long she’s been doing it. You probably would have fainted by now, but it seems like Valerie is running on an endless battery.

“You are really making it hard for me to be a cool aunt, Val,” you mumble, the baby still in your arms as the tears keep rolling down her face. Your light grey shirt is now soaking wet, both from her tears and your sweat from the anxiety she is giving you, mixed with some other things you choose to ignore where they came from.

The doorbell makes you jump, but Valerie doesn’t even bat an eye at the sound, she just keeps going.

“You need to teach me how to have this much energy,” you mumble under your breath as you walk over to the door. 

Opening it you find yourself staring up at Harry who is wearing a brown coat, dark jeans and a black hoodie. If you had to guess what he was doing on this weekend evening you would have said he was out with friends somewhere, picking up girls, but he surely doesn’t look like he was anywhere else than his home, the clothes are hanging messily on his frame, like he just threw them on in a rush.

His green eyes look straight at you at first before moving over to the crying child in your arms. You fully expect him to say something along the lines of “this is the kind of effect you have on others” comment, but it seems like he notices the fear and despair in your eyes and he keeps his mouth shut.

“I honestly have no idea what to do,” you choke out and the tears start flowing from your eyes as well, making Harry have to deal with now two crying human beings.

“Oh my, please don’t cry, I can’t take two crying women at once,” Harry begs as he steps inside and shuts the door behind him. Turning to face you he reaches for Valerie, you hand her over to him, hoping she would magically stop the crying, but she clearly couldn’t care less.

“Why, can you take one?” you ask with a bitter chuckle as you wipe your cheeks.

“Not really,” he admits, making you smile. “So what have you tried?” he asks as he starts swaying and rocking Valerie in hopes of getting her to stop, but not even Harry’s charm stands a chance with her right now. Deep down you’re happy you weren’t the reason she got so fussy and upset, would have been pretty awkward if she stopped the moment Harry took her into his arms. 

“Literally everything,” you huff, shoulders falling forward. “I went over the list Rosa gave me, tried everything, but she wouldn’t stop. She’s teething, but this is… It seems like there might be something else maybe?” you tell him worried that something serious might be behind her behavior. You really don’t want to call and bother Rosa, but you are nearing the point where you’ll give up and ask for help.

“Maybe she needs to be changed?” Harry suggests holding her up, giving her butt a sniff, but you roll your eyes at him.

“You don’t think that was one of the first things I did? She is as clean as she could be. Maybe I should just call Rosa,” you sigh in defeat reaching for your phone but Harry snaps at you.

“No! Don’t, we can figure this out. Steven has been so excited to have a night off, we can’t ruin this for them. Come on, we have to have the slightest parenting skills and solve this without them.”

Nodding you agree with him, but you’ve completely run out of ideas.

“So what do you suggest?”

You can see the gears turning in Harry’s head as he is trying to come up with a plan, but it’s not like either of you have any experience with babies. The idea of calling Rosa is starting to burn in the back of your head, fear of failing this challenge taking over your thoughts.

Then Harry looks at you with a look that screams that he has an idea. You’re just about to ask what came into his mind when all of a sudden he starts to sing.

“Well, sometimes I go out by myself and I look across the water, and I think of all the things what you’re doing and in my head I paint a picture…”

You instantly recognize Amy Whinehouse’s iconic song, the one that’s also behind Valerie’s name, you know that for sure. Rosa was obsessed with the song growing up, she would sing it on the way to school, in the shower or while making dinner. You weren’t surprised she chose this name for her first daughter.

What surprises you that Harry sings like a literal angel. He hits the notes perfectly, nailing the lines like not many can and you listen to him with parted lips, eyebrows raised. This was the last thing you expected from him, but then again, it’s not the first time Harry has surprised you through the years of knowing him.

Valerie stops for a moment, her hiccups shaking through her body as her tear-filled eyes look up to Harry, and you both think this is gonna be the moment when she finally calms down, but he doesn’t even reach the chorus before she starts crying again, a defeated sigh erupting from him.

“Maybe she wants it instrumental,” you suggest and Harry gives you one of those ‘are you fucking kidding me?’ looks as you leave to run down the hallway, right into your bedroom.

“How am I supposed to make it instru-- what the hell, Y/N?!” He gives you a weirded out look when you return with a guitar in your hands. “Since when do you play the guitar?” 

“Since like… eighth grade,” you tell him as you sit on the couch and holding the guitar on your lap you try to find the right accords. “I told you, you know nothing about me.”

Harry nods with a surprised but amazed look on his face as your fingers strum against the chords. It takes a few minutes but you figure it out and glancing up you give a questioning look to Harry.

“From the start?” you ask and he nods his head, continuously bouncing up and down to try to calm Val down.

You start playing the song and soon enough Harry joins you with the singing, the two of you perfectly nailing it even without any practice.

“Stop makin’ a fool out of me, why don’t you come on over, Valerie?”

Maybe it’s the guitar, maybe it’s the singing or maybe the fact that the song has her name in it, but by the time you reach the halfway point in the song Valerie’s crying slowly starts to fade. You instantly share a look with Harry, but don’t stop, fearing that she might start again if the music stops. 

Her tear soaked cheeks smooth out as she is not screaming anymore and you can actually see her irises finally, her long lashes are sticking together from the salty tears and you know it’s gonna take some time for her to regain her normal state, but at least the crying has stopped. 

“‘Cause since I’ve come on home, well, my body’s been a mess. And I’ve missed your ginger hair and the way you like to dress…”

You tear your eyes off Valerie for a second, letting yourself wander over Harry’s features as he sings. He slightly furrows his eyebrows focusing on the lines, so his forehead has a few creases on it. His lips form the words so clearly and elegantly, you wonder how often he sings. Is it something he only does when he is on his own or he likes to perform as well? 

The only time when you heard him sing was at the bar when the two of you slayed the karaoke machine with that Avril Lavigne song. You were smashed by then, you remember that he had a nice voice but it was the last thing you paid attention to. Besides, he was kind of equally drunk as you, it was all for just fun, but now is a completely different situation. 

It’s no surprise Valerie finds his voice soothing, you’d probably stop whatever you were doing if you heard him sing. There are people with a good voice and then there are the ones that not just have a good voice but also that small something, that extra magic in them that makes you melt as their voice caress your ears. Harry is definitely the second case, for a moment you forget where you are or why he is there singing. It’s just his voice and the gentle strumming of your fingers on the chords. 

At the end of the song he starts repeating Valerie as the song slowly fades into nothing and you both stare at the little girl in his arms, clearly afraid she might start crying again. Unfortunately, your reservations become valid when you see the corners of her mouth curls down and you and Harry share a shocked look immediately.

“What else can you play?” he urges as Val whimpers in his arms, letting you know she does not appreciate that the singing has stopped. 

“Shit, shit! Um, something from ABBA?” you propose and Harry nods quickly, not even asking which song you know, so you take it as a sign that he probably knows all of them.

The first song that comes to your mind is Andante, Andante and you don’t hesitate to start playing again, just in time. Valerie was just about to start crying again, but as soon as the melody hit her little ears she calmed down and listened to it with tired looking eyes.

“Take it easy with me, please. Touch me gently like a summer evening breeze…” Harry sings the words and you can’t hold a smile back as he, once again, hits the notes just perfectly without missing a beat.

You’re convinced there’s not one person on Earth who has never heard a single Abba song, most of the population knows them by heart, but somehow you couldn’t really imagine Harry to be a person who knows the lyrics to the songs as well. But he does and sings it without messing it up even just once. It’s hard to imagine a younger version of Harry singing ABBA songs when they come on the radio, but the more you think about it the more the picture paints itself in your mind.

Valerie lays her head to Harry’s chest, stuffing her thumb into her mouth as she listens to the performance. She is probably enjoying the vibrance of his voice shaking through his chest and maybe this is what brings her the peace she’s been looking for all this time. Your heart skips a beat at the sight of them.

Harry glances at you, eyes so soft you melt under his gaze. However nerve wrecking it was to have Valerie scream for hours, she is still the cutest little thing ever as she rests her head on his chest, her long blinks giving it away she has definitely lost most of her energy. 

You don’t dare to stop the singing and playing. When you near the end of a song you quickly think of something else and whisper it over to Harry, who then gives his feedback on it with either a nod or a shake of his head. Most of the time he knows the songs you suggest so the show continues without a stop. 

Half an hour passes by when you see her eyes slowly closing. You still don’t stop though, only when Harry tries to listen to her breathing and he realizes that it was completely slowed down. She is out.

“Holy shit,” you breathe out quietly, your fingers feeling numb from the playing. You haven’t had a guitar in your hands for this long in a while, probably for years. Harry shares your relief, his throat has completely dried out and he is happy to finally breathe evenly, not just sneak a few breaths in between lines. 

“And now what?” he mouths as he is still gently swaying around with the sleeping Valerie in his arms. You put the guitar aside and check if she is for real asleep. Her long lashes are spread out on her puffy cheeks, gently snoozing into Harry’s chest as if she weren’t screaming for dear life just an hour ago. 

“Let’s put her down,” you whisper and nod at him to follow you. 

Reaching your bedroom you only switch your bedside lamp on so the light doesn’t wake her up. Pushing the stuffed animals to the side you grab the blankets and let Harry do the critical job. Leaning down he oh so slowly starts to pull her away from his chest, careful not to move too suddenly, it all feels like in those action movies when they are trying to get through the lasers without triggering the alarm. One bad move and the screaming threatens to start again and that’s the last thing you want, after all you’ve done to calm her down. 

You don’t even realize it but as you watch her little head reach the mattress you hold your breath, almost wincing upon seeing Harry’s hands slide out from under her sleeping frame. As if you wait for something to go wrong, both of you freeze for a moment, expecting her to start moving around and wake up, but she stays still. 

Eyes snapping up to Harry, you exchange a look and then you both head to the door, careful not to make any noise that can possibly shake Valerie up from her dreams.

“This was more tiring than running a marathon,” he huffs, throwing himself to the couch and you do the same next to him. 

“Have you ever run a marathon?”

“No,” he confidently answers and you look over at him with a puzzled look. “But I can imagine how tiring it is.”

You let out a chuckle, letting your eyes close for just a little bit. You haven’t even had the chance to realize how much this whole struggle with Val sucked the energy out of you, but now that you’re half lying on the couch it hits you all at once.

“I should get going,” you hear Harry mumble, clearly just as tired as you are, but he doesn’t move. 

“Mhm,” you hum, feeling yourself drift to sleep.

Neither of you moves and it doesn’t take a whole five minutes for the both of you to completely doze off.

The next time you wake up you feel an arm curled around your waist and someone is definitely pressed up against you while your back is against the back of the couch. It takes you a couple of moments and some blinking to realize it’s Harry you are all snuggled up to and the reason why you woke up is because Valerie is crying again. 

“Shit,” you mumble to yourself, mind still groggy from the sleep as you push yourself up on the couch. Just moments later Harry’s eyes flush open and you’re not sure it’s because of the crying or because you moved next to him. His arm slides off you as he looks around a little confused about his surroundings.

You don’t have the chance to think about how the two of you ended up cuddling on the couch, though it lingers in the back of your mind. Basically crawling over Harry you rush into your bedroom where Valerie is lying in her bed crying. It’s a different kind of cry, not like the one you were stuck with for hours before and you know she must be hungry.

“Ah, come on, little girl. It’s alright,” you coo at her scooping her into your arms. She immediately cuddles to your chest hiccupping against it, her little hands fisting your shirt. You leave to go to the kitchen and feed her, but just as you’re about to step out of the room you bump into Harry.

You bounce back from his chest, but his hand immediately reaches for you and grabs your arm, holding you in case you might fall back.

“Sorry,” you breathe out, thoughts still foggy a little. “She’s… hungry,” you explain, but he is standing so close to you, you can feel his body’s warmth and it instantly ignites the memory of being pressed against his side on the couch just moments ago and you can’t stop yourself from inhaling a shaky breath. 

“Let me help,” he croaks out and the two of you walk into the kitchen. Putting on her bib you hand her over to Harry who sits with her on his lap on a stoop as you get the baby food, warm it a little before joining the two of them and you slowly start feeding her.

“What time is it?” you ask realizing you have no idea how long you two have been asleep on the couch.

“It’s three am,” Harry answers before smiling down at Val. “Good job, Val!” he hums watching her take the spoon into her mouth.

You finish up feeding her, then give a try at burping her even though Rosa said it’s not necessary anymore. She just hums to herself so you head back to the bedroom, her eyes already threatening to close. By the time you put her back to the bed she is out again, so no private show is needed this time.

Walking out of the room you see Harry putting on his shoes and coat. For a split second you feel disappointed that he is leaving, but then your rational side puts you to your place. Of course he is leaving! Val is fine now, there’s no other reason for him to stay, right?

“Harry,” you softly say and he looks at you. “Can you please not tell Rosa and Steven that I needed help with Val?” you quietly ask, though there’s no doubt your eyes are practically begging him.

“No way I’ll ever admit to Steven that I sang ABBA to his child, so don’t worry about it,” he chuckles making you smile as well. 

“Thank you. And for helping me as well. I was really close to giving it up,” you admit folding your arms on your chest as Harry stands at the front door, hand on the door knob as he is looking back at you.

“No problem. Now you owe me one,” he smirks and you can’t hold yourself back from rolling your eyes.

“Sure,” you say with an airy chuckle. “Good night, Harry.”

“Good night, Y/N,” he smiles at you sweetly before opening the door and walking out. 

You take his place at the door and watch him walk down the eerily quiet hallway. He turns back to you one last time waving in your way and you nod back smiling before he disappears around the corner.

Closing the door you lean your back against it, taking a deep breath. Your eyes wander over to the couch where you and Harry were sleeping not so long ago. The feeling of his arm around you is still burned into your mind and you breathe in shakily as a memory snaps into your head of the exact same thing, only years earlier.

You lied almost exactly like that in his hotel room that night. His strong arms wrapped around you as you had your head laid on his chest, listening to his heartbeat that was slightly faster than the normal. Though you were still quite drunk, this feeling imprinted into your memories, because you felt so safe with him. Like nothing could ever hurt you if he was there with you.

Unfortunately, that feeling faded into nothing when you woke up in the morning quite fast. But this time, instead of disappointment and disgust, the only thing you still feel is the emptiness at the lack of his touch. 

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[papers4me]

Fruits Basket Manga Review (ch 90-91)

Since I discussed the first few pages of ch-90 that contains kyo & tohru in my previous preview, this one will only be kyoko’s story.

Kyoko’s story brilliantly explores the effects of unhealthy domestic environment on children without the use of the zodiac curse as a metaphor for abuse. My first-reaction of kyoko’s story is the following:

I really enjoyed how kyoko’s descend into darkness was explored & how the psychologically-informed writing of her behavior was depicted.

I was troubled by how Katsuya was presented as the magical solution to all her problems. Kyoko was saved by romantic love in a more basic writing than machi. Both girls just needed a guy to listen to them vent abt their family issues once & tada~ they’re in love.

Kyoko’s story made me realize that Arisa is just a more modern & healthier kyoko.. The only difference is that Kureno didn’t save Arisa. She herself changed gradually due to kyoko & tohru’s influence.

1) Kyoko’s descend into Darkness:

Kyokyo told kyo that she was already “out of control delinquent before she got to middle school”, “ fell into the wrong crowd”, “ enjoyed beating innocent ppl”. subtly citing the influence of “delinquent peers” & the innate desire be noticed at home. I’m bad, notice me! love me, listen to me!

There are some elements in her story that faintly reminds me of yuki & strongly reminds me of kyo:

Kyoko’s parents gave her a treatment similar to “ yuki’s parents”: cold, neglect & devoid of love. Her dad, similar to kyo’s dad, felt ashamed & disgraced by her.

Kyoko similarly to kyo was angry, full of self-loath & self-destruction. However, kyo was never violent like she was. I believe kyo’d have turned like her if he didn’t have Kazuma to discipline him with love, care & attention. Hence, we saw kyo carry on a code of “ not beating girls, or ppl who aren’t hurting them, or don’t know martial arts”, like Arisa or the student council guy whop loves yuki.

Kyoko’s mom similarly of kyo’s mom talked abt the dad venting his anger on her after being pissed off with kyoko. So, a hint of domestic violence between husband & wife.

Kyoko described herself as “ made of shattered glass”. Tohru once said both kyo & yuki are very sensitive. yuki blocks the world behind the prince mask & kyo puts on the annoyed attitude to push ppl away from hurting him.

Society thinks that “delinquent/bad ppl” are always happy with what they’ve become. Satisfied with their destructive choices. When in most of the times... they’re as bewildered & confused as the community around them..

I really don’t blame the teachers for being defensive. Teachers aren’t supposed to be “life-coaches” or “saviors of students”. That’s sth the educators with their research gush abt & what society demands & what families wish for. The fixer-teacher!!!! Teachers are ppl teaching a subject, doing a specific job, underpaid & overworked most of the times, also, they come from various backgrounds, beliefs, & sometimes even if they meant good & wanted to “ save” a student, they aren’t equipped with the suitable psychological training. Yeah, there are ppl for that in schools, but so many students with lots of issues. Also, let’s be real, we love kyoko cuz she’s the “epic mother of tohru, we grew on her teachings thro out 3 seasons” but if you meet a loud, delinquent, gangster head, violent chair throwing student who rarely comes anyway, would you wanna deal with them?

2- Katsuya “ the magical savior”:

so, why did teacher katsuya helped a screaming delinquent? cuz he IS interested in kyoko. He said so. He approached her, talked & tried to help cuz he intended to “never let her go since he saw her honesty” ~ romantic? maybe to some.. I find it weird & creepy. him eyeing her & getting interested & approaching her & earning her trust. It is true that he has no intention of hurting her or forcing her & he DID save her in more ways than one. But why is this all wrapped in romance. He DID flirt with her intentionally many times from the moment he saw her until then.

If Im being honest, had he not be her teacher (trainee or not), & had she not be very veeeeery young! I’d be enjoying his flirting so much. He’s so smooth, playful & cool (not looking head over heels in love) which is normally such a fun dynamics. She was so head over heels, tho. Finally found someone who noticed her tiny efforts “ drawing eyebrows”, someone who listened & someone who didn’t forced her to do her “duties”. She tells him (her teacher) that she is ditching classes & he’s okay with that~ not lecturing, not urging. why? cuz He only wants HER. she comes to see him in the lunch break everyday. school? classes? that’s her choice~ not his business~ In a way, Katsuya is intentionally made not morally correct. Why? cuz a good moral adult wouldn’t be in love with a middle schooler & would care for her future as an independent person from him. He must be written with intentional desire to NOT care for morals or right or the likes. Yes, he later helps her to study & graduate but ONLY when that is HER choice & she made it ONLY to catch up with him. To cleanse herself & be “ like the other girls” . Kyoko deemed katsuya “ good person” &  herself “ bad person”. That’s why she was motivated to be good to catch up with him since she can NO LONGER see him everyday in lunch break. He fixed that. How? teach her in the weekends & provide better chances to flirt since he’s no longer a teacher & she’s his student. The issue is not teacher-student love... it is adult-kid love!! but hey~ they’re cute (they’re written to be, so they are) so it’s cool ( it isn’t at all..eww).. oh the dilemma that is Takaya-san’s love for weird big age gaps where one is an underage teenager...

Furuba’s has this big theme of “ love doesn’t heal or save”. yuki took tohru’s love & grew up by himself. Kyo’s love for tohru didn’t save tohru, she was scared to be in love & forget her mom. Tohru made the decision to be free from her past, herself.  Tohru’s love to kyo made his trauma 10 times more complicated & he acted based on his love for her & decided to leave her. It wasnt until he decided to face his trauma, past & bio dad by himself, that he accepted tohru’s love. Only two characters were totally saved by love:

Machi: has the excuse of being solely created to be yuki’s reward for acknowledging platonic love for tohru & everything abt her is rushed & made as a lighter copy of all yuki’s issues to quickly create shared grounds for them to connect. Machi needed to vent her issues to yuki once & all her issues were never brought back to the service again. She was happier, calmer & healed.

I expected more for kyoko. She IS a bigger character than half of the zodiacs! but she just needed katsuya to listen to her & she was in love & her issues solved.

I don’t deny that it IS true that sometimes all we need is someone to listen to us. Tohru herself said so & even yuki said it to kyo. But Even if someone listen to us & we love them, the issues that troubled us dont magically disappear until we face them or do sth abt them aided by those who love us. Kyo’s issues remained even with his love until he faced them, tohru’s too!

Katsuya:

had off-screen issues with expressing himself. He said that he loved kyoko cuz she was “honest abt her ugly feelings” while he pretended to “humor & please his dad”. He gave a wonderful speech to her parents abt the expectations of parents on their kids & the refusal of their “human weakness” again furuba’s main vision. Unfortunately, this was followed with confessing, marriage proposal & kissing her on the lips all while the whole issue is abt kids/ parents exceptions of middle schooler/ neglect & his own acknowledgement that she’s minor while he was “in love”.

Like the author wants to tie kyoko’s issues & katsuya’s issues so bad & present him as her ONLY chance for normal life. Kyoko was just repenting & understanding that her actions got consequences which is an epic moment! but romance triumphant & saved the day~ yay~! marriage!

The story would’ve been better romantically if it was given time for kyoko to “ grow up” just like katsuya himself said when they were at the beach. He said “ grow up, middle school is not the world”. He continued meeting her but never confessed & never crossed the line despite the flirting. But he KNEW what he was doing “ i never planned to let you go since I saw you”. He was cementing his place as the ONLY one in her world.

Had kyoko grew up, saw the real world, kept taps with katsuya, he helped her broaden her world, then they’ll marry without needing her dad to sign papers, then that would be a better love story than this.

Side Notes:

The writer didn’t shy away from confessing that pairing Katsuya & kyoko is problematic & stated it in canon (kyoko called katsuya “pedo”). She did the same with Arisa & kureno (Arisa thought the age gap is big & hana questioned if kureno is a married man). However, making the story acknowledge that as an issues doesn’t make it less uncomfortable, but at least, I respect when writers do what they plan to do regardless of fans. even if I dont agree with the writer. It’s way better than when writer becoming fans toy/ fans pleaser.

Still, couldn’t the author state that kyoko was held back few years in jmiddle school & failed & repeated school years? like make her i duno 17 or sth... this would at least lessen the big age gap... but no~~~ kyoko is what? 14? ... -_-’.

You bet this won’t change a bit in the upcoming anime spinoff abt kyoko. Just this year an anime abt an adult man & his high school love interest that he pursued stubbornly was highly popular & my real life friends were gushing abt “ him finally winning her/ being respectful & only kissing her lips once or sth/waiting for her to “catch up” with him”/ consent age differ in X & Y countries..I’m not dictating my beliefs on anybody or any country or saying my way of thinking is the just way. I’m saying, Personally, I think, there are better romantic stories than adults & kids couples.. The fact that this trope of (adults & kids romance) is still popular even today is sad~~

I dont mind HUGE age gaps as long as BOTH characters are adults. If any of them makes a crime, they’ll be held responsible by the law. & sometimes the younger adult is the one dominating the relationship. but “kids or teenagers” can’t. They’re easily groomed & manipulated, so it bothers me when a love story between an adult & a kid is portrayed as  “equal”. it isn’t.

I’m not judging whoever loves such trope in “ fiction”. it IS fiction, & as long as you don't pursue a real kid/teenager in real life, you can like whatever in fiction. moving on~

kyoko’s delinquent life is well-written & if done right, would send a powerful message of being able to start over. But the romantic love aspect will steal the spotlight by (a) directing uncomfortable hate/disgust towards the story & hence all the discussions will abt the “pedo” aspect. (which is fair). (b) Perceived as so lovable romance since katsuya is the prince who to saved the neglected princess which is a trope that has stood thro time garnering lots of support & attention always, so all the discussion would be abt their “cute romance”. (which is fair since the author weaved elements that endeared their romance, such as: cute nicknames “miss no-eyebrows”, him giving her space, home & respect, saving her from the streets & poverty & having the most endearing tohru”. So, yeah, the romance will be the center of attention regardless.

I like katsuya’s character type in fiction generally: the flirty, mischievous & a bit cool guy who is so aware he’s wrong most times & plays his cards smart to not get caught red-handed. He’s a cooler version of shigure. It’s just the blatant fact that he’s been planning to “get” a middle schooler from the first glance & that she is wayyyy young for this, that is bothering me so so much~~ T_T.

I wont expect the anime to change their age gap cuz it is the essence of their story that she’s a lost kid with no protection against the world & he’s the savior providing everything at once!~ Remember kyoko went on to be the savior of an entire clan tho tohru~ So in a way, katsuya saved the sohmas by saving kyoko....

“ i’m like a stray cat that he looked after instead of chasing away”. kyoko with katsuya is like kyo with kazuma! >_<!. When kyo met tohru, he wasn’t a stray cat, most of how he dealt with her was cuz he already knew her & was tormented by remembering kyoko’s death & feeling guilty towards tohru’s constant pain. That’s why when kyo started falling in love with tohru, he unconsciously stopped pushing her away little by little & just wanted to be with her until akito said “ i’ll hurt her” that’s when he totally gave up.

the way katsiya appeared in the right moment to save kyoko from her dad~ oh the drama. XD

Hospital Discharge & chase. like mom like daughter~ but thank God the kids got a more balanced love story.

Comparing kyoko/katsuya to Arisa/kureno in the broad writing of their romance without diving into details: (a) I hate the age gap in both but at least Arisa is older & nothing happened until she graduates & become an official adult. (b) Kyoko/katsuya are more fleshed out & if you forget the age gap,m their dynamic is so cute & endearing. (c) the love at first glance, never meeting afterwards yet still sickly in love to the extinct of screaming made Arisa/kureno shallower. (d) now that I saw teenage kyoko, Arisa is really just her clone! I hate that this steals from Arisa’s uniqueness. (e) both couples ate ramen in their first meeting/first unofficial date signalling their blooming love.

I’ve said this more than once, but I was the high-schooler that fancied adult independent men growing up, I never pursued anyone tho cuz I understood it was a crush even tho I’m pretty sure my “ *_*” face was clear to one or two, but I’m definitely lucky none of them tried to woo me or influence me. Now that I’m a grown woman, I think back & laugh at my self. I fancied them cuz they were independent & mature compared to the silly high school boys, which is what those men are supposed to be (adults) & what those boys are supposed to be (living their young age). lol. Still, I wish I found someone somehow to be my life’s partner since then, it would’ve made my life less lonely~ T_T.

[avengersapology-vid]

Avengers: College Edition

Steve: Criminal Justice and Studio Art double major. He doesn't want to torture himself with anything difficult and still wants to study what he loves. He is still an over achiever though. Highkey hates frat parties, saw someone twerking upside down and almost cried but stayed because hes the designated driver (responsible KING). prefers small get togethers with his friends. Roommates with sam and bucky!! Joins Criminal Justice club, jokingly rivals with Engineering (Tonys Club) Everyone on campus loves him including the professors, wins Homecoming king and is very happy. Sam jokingly asks to be his queen, Bucky butts in and says "NO, im his queen". Can be found in the library or art studio, usually with ink or pencil markings on his hands.

Tony: Obvi an engineering KING has physics as a minor. procrastinates to the max "No Bruce I have everything under control" *crams for 46 hours straight on a constant IV drip of Redbull and coffee* Super smart and helps draw the blueprint for the new engineering building. Roomies with Bruce! Tony was in a frat for a bit his freshmen year but hated it and wanted real friends (Throws better parties anyway) met Bruce and all the other avengers during a 1301 intro class. Pulls women like no tomorrow. On the presidents list every semester and tutors math for free on the side. He is basically the Dad in STEM. Tries hitting on Natasha but she is just like :/ nah, when her and bruce start dating tony is surprised because bruce is his "quiet little cinnamon roll." Tony constantly teases bruce and is like "yall fuckin (;" Steve butts in "tONY PLZ I JUST WANT TO WATCH THIS MOVIE" Bruce is thankful for steves intervention. You know how he rivals Steves Criminal Justice club? He butts heads with Business Clubs leader (Pepper) until everyone catches them together at a party. Has a caffeine addiction. Works out with Thor and Bucky one day in the rec and almost dies.

Bruce: Physics and Engineering double major (Hardworking KING) In math club with Vision and Wanda. He loves being roomies with Tony because it helps him out of his shell. Likes to draw with Steve sometimes and enjoys the quiet. Doesn't procrastinate and gets things done in a timely manor. 4.0 icon we all strive to be. Him and Nat already know each other, but bond and get a lot closer while studying in the library and they eventually start dating. He takes her coffee when she works across campus and is always almost late to class because of that (He doesn't care though bc thats his BABY) "Um.. Bruce your class is in 5 minutes" "Okay and?.....Wait I have an ex-" *Sprints to his building* Takes boxing at night with Thor, Bucky, Sam and Steve!!! Loves sparring with Thor and can surprisingly take the big buy on pretty well. Gets his butt kicked by Natasha in a MMA class though.

Natasha: Majors in Criminal Justice and Minors in Psychology. Ballet club AND MOCK TRIAL!! Has a Job at the Criminal Justice Deans office and takes MMA classes on the side. She is on Mock Trial with Loki and they actually get along quiet well once they stop butting heads about the case. Introduces Sam and Wanda to dance and they have so much fun. Coffee dates with Bruce!! Her and Steve become RAs in the following years and are the coolest RAs you know. Prefers night classes, Bruce walks her to all of them. Psychology classes are her favorite and really wants to help children one day. Volunteers at a daycare during breaks. Sis can really out drink Tony and Thor. Puts Wanda under her wing and helps her with fafsa and what not. Her and Bucky get the Russian language credit by simply testing out. Has her sh!t together and while she has a lot on her plate she can take it. She is really the Mom of the group. Can be found dancing or with Bruce. Her and Clint are icons in psychology classes.

Clint: Deaf Studies with education minor! (we stan deaf clint in the comics) In the Archery club and wins nationals for the Uni. Loves to draw with Steve. Helps Bruce ask Natasha out! PRANK ICON! loves to do prank wars with tony, bucky, loki and sam. Was in the same frat with Tony but hated it as well. While he seems to have a more reserved demeanor he is still the life of the party. (Like he knows people at the clubs ya know?) Can get in anywhere and helps everyone rent out a club for the night in celebration of midterms being over. Loves reading in the library and loves morning classes and being productive early in the day. Cracks Tonys netflix and hulu passwords (no tony... tonyr0cks69 is not good enough) Wants to teach at a school for the Deaf. Bruce sets him up with a girl from engineering and that is his future wife.

Thor: Physical Education major and Communications minor! Here on a football scholarship and is in a frat (not the asshole one tony was in) and is a partying ICON. Tries to get Loki to party but Loki just wants to drink wine with the cat he snuck into his dorm. Learns Sign from Clint to prepare for his career in education. Loves working out with Bucky, Sam and Steve. Takes up boxing during football off season and spars with Bruce. Despite being everyones fav himbo he gets really good grades and is a very good writer. Loki dorms across the hall from him. Thor actually rooms with Peter. Peter is the freshman baby and Thor takes peter under his wing and introduces him to everyone and helps him with college stuff in general. Also hooks him up with MJ and brings him to the occasional boxing session. Has a loud booming laughter you can hear in all floors of the library when he sees a funny meme. One time he actually makes a very good point and notices a flaw in one of Tony and Bruces projects leaves everyone stunned. Picks on Loki in big brother fashion. Unironically calls weed the devils lettuce.

Loki: Pre-Law and Criminal Justice. LOVES to argue. (Devils advocate ass) In Mock Trial and Criminal Justice Club. Tony jokingly calls him steves sexy secretary in CJ club. Loves Mock Trial and is the president with Nat as his right hand woman. Sneaks a cat he found at the shelter into his dorm and names it muffin. Stays in the Library writing or going over cases. The one time he was taking Natasha a copy of the Mock Trial case packet and caught her and bruce smooching. (He screeched) "Haha funny joke yall heres the case packet BYE." He automatically texts the group chat "i think nAT AND BRUCE HAVE SOME TEA FOR US HMM". Lets Peter and Bruce come over to his dorm because he knows their roommates can get a little too much sometimes. Loki also becomes an avid twitter user and thats how he gains popularity on campus. (He called the uni out for their awful and expensive parking) Was able to convince the Dean with tony and steve to create a new parking lot. Caffeine addict!!! Him and Tony always bump into each other at the coffee shop. Brings baked goods to meet ups with the gang. Loves to play pranks (especially on Tony) Him and Bucky come up with a genius prank on him and even get pepper involved. Best dressed on campus and is in the fashion club. He is the embodiment of dark academia.

Sam: Criminal Justice Major with Aerospace Engineering minor. Gets introduced to Bucky and Steve during move in and they literally become brothers. Is both in Criminal Justice Club and Engineering Club. In the Historically Black Frat on campus and takes huge pride in that. Parties with tony and thor BIG TIME. Procrastinates by throwing paper airplanes at Bucky until Bucky is like "Um...dude your paper is due in like two hours." At that moment Sam got into work faster than he ever had. Loves gossip sessions with Loki and Wanda. Works out a lot with Bucky, Steve and Thor to get rid of stress. When he and Bucky finish a final they go to loki's dorm and ask "Hey can we see your cat." Helps prep food for friends-giving and decorates the dorm for holidays. HATES 8ams so so so much. Steve promises him pancakes if he gets up and goes. Binge watches shows during weekends and screams when Destiel is finally canon. Loves running and gets a Track Scholarship when Thor gets him to join a sport. Gets Peter to join track.

Bucky: criminal justice major and psychology minor. Buck is also in ballet club with Nat, it really helps him relax and gives him a free space to think (also he runs that shit like no ones business) Criminal justice club as well and LOVES to work out and box. One time Sam accompanies him to ballet and Bucky pushes Sam into a split... the scream was heard for miles. "Sam ballet is good for athletes it helps w-" "Yeah but its not good for my balls" Doesn't willingly procrastinate but once in awhile he will forget an assignment, you best believe his eyes will snap open from his nap and get to work asap. For one of his psyche labs he had to question Steve as if he were Steve's therapist to which Steve responds "Hey bro you dont have to hit a nerve that deep" He also likes to do dance with peter since it helps him get away from Thor for a bit. Not a big partier but once the weight of finals are off his chest you best believe he will go all out. Picks on Nat and says hes gonna steal her man, to which tony interjects and says "Not if I do first" Bucky also has a very comfy dorm, comfy lighting and tons of pillows, the man loves his sleep... and so does everyone else. Sometimes he finds peter, sam, THOR, tONY EVERYONE just napping in his bed before their study time. Overall, bucky is a smart boy and his time in college is kind to him.

Wanda: English Major and Education Minor. After being an orphan Wanda knows what it feels like to not have a parental figure there and she wants to change that for other kids by becoming an english teacher. She volunteers at an orphanage, specifically the one her and pietro were in for a brief moment when they came to the states. She loves to draw as well and takes plenty of art classes with steve. She paints a portrait of the entire gang and gives it to tony as a graduation present (he cried). She loves to do volunteer work for children and also spend a lot of time in the library, She helped Nat calm down before Bruce asked her out. Her and Loki are in constant competition for best dressed. "Loki ill let you win best dressed but you have to let me see your cat" "ugh fine... btw your shirt doesnt match your boots" "hEY" Her and Peter take alot of intro classes together and are constantly running around craft stores trying to get the right stuff for projects. Visits Vision at his Job on Campus and he visits her where she volunteers and eventually they start dating. She is constantly getting visited by pietro at 4am asking "Um do you have milk" "Pietro its 4am what do you ne-" "my OREOS"

Pietro: Track star business major, frat ICON with Thor. poor boy is STRESSED he hates college and is here on a track scholarship, constantly late and running around getting shit done. Queen of late assignments but still gets them graded because he is in Track. Yeah he has alot on his plate but he still parties with thor for hours. When he is drowning in assignments Clint is always there to help him, Bruce also helps him with biology and the more science-y classes. Likes to mess around and race sam at track practice. Not into coffee but will run on all the monster energy drinks you could possibly buy. Seriously is tired of 8 a.m courses, he just wants to nap after practice. Walks into the study room that everyone was in and actually looks more sleep deprived than tony. He gets a lot of tips from steve on how to have an easier time in college and it really helps him.

Vision: Grad student working on a civil engineering masters and a TA. Meets Wanda in the library and she asks him where the biographies are. He mistakenly says they are on the 2nd floor "Uh theyre actually on the third" "Then why did you ask?" "Cause I wanted to talk to you :)" He swooned. Through Wanda he met Tony and Bruce and became their best friend, He helped out a lot with engineering club and got them far. He spends a lot of time doing research for his masters degree, he loves relaxing with the group on weekends and picks on pietro as if he is already apart of the family. Him and Loki bond over intellectual conversations from time to time. Bruce and Nat go on double dates with him and Wanda. Went to a bar once with tony and bruce and had to stop tony from singing Queens entire discography, he had the best night that night. Helps everyone with getting into jobs and into grad school in general while everyone helps him let loose and have some fun.

Peter: Peter is a Physics major and eventually works his way up to biochemistry. (hardworking icon) He is the freshman baby of the group and is introduced to them through Thor. He dances with Buck and Nat sometimes as well. Tony obviously takes peter under his wing and helps him with assignments. One time everyone was in the same study room and him and pietro have a redbull shot gunning challenge. When Peter wins Thor picks him up and almost yeets the poor boy into the ceiling. "VERY WELL DONE YOUNG PARKER YOU SHOULD BE DOING THAT WITH BEER IN NO TIME." "Thor plz" Tony and Thor help him ask MJ out and even spy on them during a dinner date. (Imagine thor with sunglasses and a scarf around his head pretending to be tonys date) He feels so accepted in college because of the gang and gets all his work done on time. Goes out of his way to get everyone christmas presents and is so excited for friendsgiving. Becomes a little stressball during finals and midterms and stays in the library till it closes. He spots loki alot in there and helps loki with science classes while loki helps him with political science classes. He meets MJ through wanda and is obviously blushing the whole time while being introduced. Gets embarrassed when the guys flirt with aunt may. "guys plz stop" This is when Sam earns his "milf hunter" nickname. "Pete hows your aunt?" "She doesnt want you sam i-" its not like that... actually it is like that"

Coulson: Alumni Icon. Is the gangs Intro professor and is the reason why everyone meets eachother. (the class was chaotic indeed) Coulson loved that class so much and he still gets visited by everyone from time to time. He is obviously close with Nick. They were there that night when Tony was signing Queen at the bar and couldnt help but laugh.

Nick Fury: Dean for criminal justice and is heavily involved with criminal justice club and mock trial. He is tired of everyones shit as always. Makes a tiktok account for the criminal justice club and has no idea how to manage social media so gets Loki to help. Has to delete it when Loki commented "hah losers" on the engineering tiktoks page. He looks intimidating but in his office he has a picture with the club and has all the gifts he gets on display. (He even framed lokis comment because it was hilarious afterall)