#i dont want to continue existing if its just to suffer in new and more intense ways

[symbioticsimplicity]

Yo...could I get some comfort up in this Tumblr? The thing I was telling myself not to die before seeing out didn't pan out and I am....sad to say the least.

[iwanttofuckereh69]

now reading 2ha vol 2

ch 55 - 71

… but the careless thought would fly through his mind and soon be lost, like the drizzle of rain falling into a deep pond.

Mo Ran’s entire existence put into words perfectly

1. now im sad 😭

Ahhh the way Shi Mei’s death is described is gut wrenching. I was so sad reading that. But yeah, at least there are more details to what happened. It seems like Chu Wanning couldn’t do anything to save him that day. Or rather, he had to choose. I feel like if he tried saving Shi Mei, he wouldn’t hold the barrier. So he chose, faithful to his principles. It ties to Chu Xun’s sacrifice that seems to be supposed to show how hard of a decision it must have been both on Chu Xun and Chu Wanning. My guess is Mo Ran either didn’t realize at the time that CWN had to choose one over the other or he couldn’t understand why he would sacrifice his disciple to protect all those people he himself doesn’t care about. 

But damn that description hurt. Mo Ran’s heart was truly aching. And that comparison to a snowflake, equally beautiful and equally unimportant. Ehh

@thegreymoon if this is "moderate and usual amount of suffering" then i dont know if i want to continue!!!!

(jk, i like when it hurts 🙂)

2. Chu Wanning is even more awkward than i was in high school which should be considered an achievement

Tbh I like moments of Mo Ran’s longing for Chu Wanning. And how he reacts when he sees Chu Wanning finally after all this time CWN spend “in seclusion”. Its lovely, but also hes so dumb for not realizing. This whole whatever was going on between them during New Years Eve celebration was just lovely but also so awkward. Chu Wanning deliberately giving him a copper coin dumpling? Absolutely cute. But also so awkward and just 😬 Instead of finding thousands of weird ways to flirt maybe just tell him? Idk its an outrageous idea, but idk give it a try maybe?? And omg that awkward moment when he wanted to invite mo ran to watch fireworks but… yeah. I felt it in my bones. 

3. Breaking news, Mo Ran, despite being 32 yo in 16 yo body mentally somehow ended up being 5

Sometimes it feels to me as if mo ran desired CWN not as a person but as an object. And he is even comparing him to an ugly box that nobody wanted with perfectly fine food inside. An ugly box only he himself dared to open to discover the treasure inside. And he is so childishly jealous when now that box is on display for everyone to look at. Its almost silly. But also yeah, its another time he treats CWN more like a thing he owns. And nobody else should see any worth in that thing, because its only his to consume. There is a fine expression in my native language for a person like that, and funny enough, its also dog related. But I couldn't find any translation that would convey all the nuisance. It’s for a person that won’t let anyone else enjoy a thing even if they themselves have no intention of enjoying that thing either. It reminded me of this quote:

Eventually, like a beast, he had known only one thing: that Chu Wanning was his. Even if he didn’t care for Chu Wanning, he was still his to sunder and to ruin. 

And like… Right now, Mo Ran seems to me like an annoying jealous kid that wants CWN for himself out of pure spite. Because CWN never gave MR attention he thought he was owed or that he deserved. I want to punch him just a bit.

4. Shi Mei is totally Chu Wanning’s wingman

Like he always tries to show Mo Ran that CWN isnt all that bad XD And I won’t believe he didn’t realize after all those completely awkward confessions and random hand holdings that Mo Ran has feelings for him. Like I won’t believe he wouldn’t see right through him especially on that boat. And I think he is smarter than MR and saw that CWN isn’t indifferent to Mo Ran after all. I want to say he would be happy if they’d get together but BASED ON COMMUNITY’S REACTIONS i feel like i will look like a clown lol. But oh well thats my very biased impression of Shi Mei. 

@rosemary-screams

Never back down never what? NEVER GIVE UP!

Also it dawned on me while reading that you’re totally right @02cm, Mo Ran totally is wasting his chances with Shi Mei. I mean it happened before but that boat scene striked me as so annoyingly obvious. Like, he knows Shi Mei dies after he gets back from that “summer camp” in peach blossom springs. Its not gonna be long till that day and he can’t be sure it won’t happen again. And he is waiting around, unable to express his feelings that he was supposed to be so sure of. Is it… perhaps… a live showcase of Mo Ran’s only two brain cells almost connecting? Almost! Not quite there yet, but we’re on the right path. 

5. This book makes me feel disdain towards the characters and then feel bad for them in the matter of chapters njnjgviuvnjuigi im not well

I'm so heartbroken with the story of how Mo Ran was punished when he tried to steal the haitang flower for Chu Wanning because he had a crush on him. And CWN never let him speak and explain himself and punished him instead. I mean it’s kinda understandable but it makes me sad knowing that MR had such pure intentions... Also, that bedtime story about ox… Mo Ran sees himself in that boy? Because it seems like he always took the beatings no matter if he deserved it and nobody was kind enough to actually listen? And it seems like it will happen again now that he's being framed for murder.

6. Me when MR gave Xia Sini butterfly hair clip and made his hair:

THIS HAS NO REASON TO BE SO CUTE. Also i'm actually enjoying that smol Chu Wanning arc despite being weirded out at first. It gave CWN opportunity to be more relaxed around MR and the rest. And just like he can enjoy sweets as much as he wants without having to worry about losing his face, he can also just chill a bit because oh boy, my guy needed it so much

7. Someone really dislikes Mo Ran and is actively plotting his demise (which im not even surprised with). It’s either someone he already managed to wrong after reincarnating or someone of those many, many people he offended in his past life that somehow also got reincarnated into the past. What are the odds?!

Also, if Chu Wanning and Chu Xun are related (rather closely given how they look alike) and Chu Xun died and Chu Lan died and it seemed like there wasn’t anyone left out of their bloodline… how. Also what’s the self sacrifice gene because it clearly runs in this family. 

[jimmyandthegiraffes]

randall and hopkirk deceased as an extended metaphor for reactions to severe trauma

i think theres a lot to be said about martys death as like. a metaphor or symbolic of severe trauma. its a life altering event that fundamentally alters everyone involved. marty obviously. because hes dead. but what if we think about it in a less literal, more abstract way? i dont know. there are a few experiences for the characters in this show which regardless of how they were intended, resonate a lot. for the sake of argument im avoiding referring to the event as 'martys death' in order to generalise the experiences and make them less specific. martys death for the sake of this post is an event. any event. that changes the lives of the people it touches both subtly and tangibly

its a traumatic event which means that marty can no longer relate to or interact with other people . hes isolated and ostracised and numbed, literally. he's derealised and dissociated, hes out-of-body. the traumatic event has left him unable to engage physically with anyone or anything around him. the only physically 'real' thing to marty is himself - which we can see when he says to bugsy "you're solid!": he doesnt recognise them as both being incorporeal. to marty, it's the rest of the world that doesn't exist anymore, and him and bugsy (someone with shared trauma) are all that's left. he is Such an isolated character, as a direct result of the traumatic event. it's left him with the ability to detect 'bad vibes' (hypervigilance). and it's not something that can be reversed - now that it's happened, that's it, but even tho he is often unhappy and hypervigilant and anxious and wishes he could go back to how he was before, he still does find moments to be silly and have fun, and eventually also to find excitement and empowerment in his new state of being. because hes still a person, even if most people dont treat him as such. his trauma means that other people no longer recognise him as a person, and that's not their fault. the living arent deliberately ostracising marty: it's his trauma which has distinctly separated him from everyone else. it's left him silent and invisible and almost completely alienated. no matter how much he yells to people to warn that they're going to be murdered, or yells for help, nobody is paying attention to him.

for jeff, his best friend is dead. yea. but jeff stops grieving this loss. in a very parallel way to marty being frozen in time and unable to continue his life, jeff is also trapped.when jeff comes home after the funeral, we see the beginnings of his journey with grief, and its a grieving process that has been interrupted; a healing process gone wrong. now he can't move on; marty is a constant reminder to him. its no wonder jeff gets angry with marty, occasionally wants marty to leave. and while jeff might feel trapped by marty, and marty feel hurt by jeff not recognising how tragic death was for marty, neither of them are to blame. its a terrible situation - and the evil isnt in either of them or their reactions to it. marty might have trouble with boundaries and jeff might occasionally be callous. but theyre just two traumatised people. the evil is that marty was killed at all.

jeff knows that things can't ever be the same; he has the dual struggle of mourning the loss of a normal life and a normal friendship, and accepting the fact that this is normality for them now. marty is who he is, the traumatic event happened and can't be undone, and marty is still here and suffering and so so deserving of compassion. sometimes when marty is silly jeff smiles a little bit and he loves him so much and he remembers that he does; because a lot of the time, the struggle in the aftermath of that traumatic event makes him too wrung out and stressed and tired to remember that that's his best friend, his best friend is right there and needs jeff as much as jeff needs him, if not more so

jeff ALSO now can't relate normally to the people around him. in the second ever episode jeannie, one of his best friends, tricks him into a hold in a psychiatric clinic, based on nothing but a few instances of jeff behaving a little strangely, right after having been bereaved. jeff has to act normal at all times under difficult or even impossible circumstances; he has to maintain the illusion of normality even more than marty does, even while marty is yelling directly into his ear. while marty might perform and mimic a 'living' existence (sitting on furniture, which we know he doesnt need to do; speaking to people he knows cant hear him; not allowing jeff to touch him so that they can both maintain the fantasy of normality after trauma) but for Jeff the illusion is crucial to his safety

jeannie is the one we might think is ironically spared some of this, even though she and marty were married. shes not involved in marty's continued existence post-trauma in the same way jeff and marty are. they deliberately keep it from her to preserve her wellbeing and, in jeff's case at least, to ensure that her ability to move on with her life isn’t curtailed the way Jeffs and Martys have been. and jeannie is trying; but it's not the case - not yet. caught up in his own life, and marty caught up in his death, jeff sometimes forgets that jeannie lost her husband, recently. him saying "i thought you got over marty ages ago" when it's been less than a year seems like an absolutely deranged thing to say to a widow when you hear it out of context. but it has to be a moment for jeff to remember: he and marty have sacrificed the healing of the grieving process in favour of what they have now, in favour of continuing their friendship and being there for each other. but jeannie hasnt. jeannie is still going through it in all of its agony. jeannie is consistently vulnerable when it comes to marty; over and over again she is manipulated by people who take advantage of her grief. and it's easy to say well she's being silly or naive, but thats because the audience follow the show primarily through jeff and marty's eyes, not jeannies. The only person Jeannie could talk to about marty seems so altered by his grief that she doesnt feel she can even bring Marty up in conversation

we also see that jeannie has been isolated from other people because of the traumatic event. Jenny comes down to see her shortly afterwards; but crucially when we see jeannie among her friends of whom we see, she has many! She is alone in a crowd, just as Jeff and Marty are. At parties she is on her own. She’s in the corner, changed by her experience of finding her husband dead just outside their house. The people around her are amiable and friendly but they don’t understand. They don’t approach her; and they don’t listen when she expresses reluctance at being asked to join in an activity she finds deeply uncomfortable.

All three characters love each other so much; and as a direct result of the traumatic event, they still sometimes harm each other inadvertently. Jeff harms Jeannie by forgetting that she is still grieving; perhaps he even harms her by keeping huge secrets from her even if he does so under oath and the best of intentions. Jeff harms Marty by not telling him ahead of time that Jeannie is an alibi when they’re in bed together; he harms him by being insensitive to Marty’s limitations; he harms him by dismissing his fears and anxieties out of hand; he harms him by rejecting him and telling him to leave. Marty harms Jeff and Jeannie both, tragically, by his inability to let them go. He harms Jeff by neglecting to observe Jeff’s boundaries appropriately. He harms Jeannie, albeit without her knowledge, in his jealous urge to keep her from moving on and finding someone else, even if he doesn’t act on it. He does Jeannie a disservice occasionally by underestimating her, and so does Jeff. Jeannie harms Jeff by not trusting him, by tricking him and having him confined without ever speaking to him about her concerns. She harms Marty without meaning to when she half believes that sheldon is Marty, and by agreeing to help cecil exorcise Marty.

None of these things are deliberate; and I think all three characters can overcome this. They love each other enough. But they’re just people. They’re trying to navigate a life that has become strange to them.

i dont know. its 4am. i have many thoughts and this isnt nearly as clean or comprehensive as i would want it to be. Jeannie, Jeff and Marty are all traumatised and are muddling their way through the aftermath as best they can and they all need each other’s understanding and compassion.

[lifeinthegladhouse]

the unfortunate news was given that my dad's chemo probably isn't working so he "might" have to do 30 day "isolation chemo" (?) which sounds horrible and scary. I want to visit him then if so... I don't want him to be alone for 30 days. I'm terrified he will be abusive to me.

when my mother died, she couldn't hurt me, even though I was terrified to see her. seeing her helpless body waste away from cancer was traumatizing but also released any fear I ever had of her, even though the memory of her abuse will always live in me.

my dad was not abusive like she was but sometimes i think he is worse for ever enabling her to be around me, ever choosing to "raise" a kid with her, comparatively, she had much less choice in her actions than he did.

i dont know what it means or if it will help. i didnt think these chemo rounds would help... i never thought my dad would get better... but hearing the advancing news doesn't help.

especially after watching someone's long term dying lead to hospice and then death and how irreverently it was handled, in this household (my partner's grandmother).

my dad will lose whatever hair he has left and im sure will look unrecognizable in a way.

whatever anger or apathy i have to combat my sense of obligation that shouldnt even really exist... i feel for him. im scared for him. i dont want him to suffer, and i dont know if it's worth going through.

i dont want to sway his decision, im positive he will die from this either way. i dont want to lose time with him, but ive already lost time. he's had 30 years to fix this and he hasnt...

i dont know if i can physically handle the grief of seeing him this way.

he always sounds livelier over the phone than he is, but... he didn't watch his parents die this way.

i will lose both of my parents to horrible forms of cancer (i mean, they're all horrible). at least Gene froze to death and it shocked everyone and he didn't suffer.

we've been iced in for a week here in p0rtland, and i got money back that i "owed" to unemployment when gene died. it felt like, after 3 years, he was helping me,... of all times to get the money back now... itll help me move out of my in laws... but a horrible thought happened... what if it's because my dad is going to go sooner than we thought?

i cant decide, anyways, and ocd is a bitch.

my back is killing me from days of making music and trying to learn mixing and mastering and animation and editing just for the fuck of it to stay sane, entirely diy.

today i cant focus, anymore... im listening to david bowie and crying alone and listening to my stupid in laws talking in the kitchen. i cant mourn here because this is a house of narcissism and enabling. hell, someone DIED in THEIR family and THEY wont/cant even mourn.

if my dad doesnt take the chemo, he will continue to failingly rely on his weekly (or more) blood transfusions. and eventually, he will die. maybe he will choose that to spare himself, and in a way, i almost wish he would, but i cant say i really wish that, ... i wish he was a better father, i wish he didnt have cancer even if he is 73, i dont wish him a sudden death bc itd be jarring but a long way is almost worse. i dont know what i want. i wish he couldve ever cared for me so that i could care for him. but what happened is he didnt care for me, and i care, but i cant care FOR him. i cant fix this. i cant love or unlove or hurt or unhurt it away.

when he dies i will not have any family left.

and then some part of me will be released from this burden of grieving a family that was always "dead" to me, but now, permanently, which will just feel fucked up.

ive spent 3 years grieving mom and gene. then i will grieve him too. when will it fucking end

in spite of this i have to work hard to perservere bc its what gene would want. its what my dad would want even tho fuck what he wants. its what *i* would want if i was diagnosed with cancer tomorrow myself or in 40 years. im terrified.

im tired.

im so goddamn tired

[magnoliamyrrh]

When it comes to prison abolition I wish people would focus on specific crimes or types of crimes instead of this binary approach. There seems to be no space for nuance in western leftist thought these days, you have to go all the way in one go or it isn't worth doing.

Okay the current system isn't perfect but it's better than letting pedos, rapists and sex traffickers get away with continuing to abuse women and girls. Domestic violence too, there's just so many areas where justice already doesn't exist for victims. Until abolitionists can provide a good answer for those crimes they should admit that their theory doesn't yet work in every scenario.

Let's go back to focusing on drugs, theft and other crimes against corporations, the imprisonment of those suffering from severe mental illnesses and general anti social behaviour. Crimes where imprisonment does unjustly impact people's lives and we do already have noncustodial solutions we can implement.

"there seems to be no space for nuance in western leftits though" youre certainly right abt that and its annoying as all hell. there are prison reformers who hold more nuance on this generally, but many prison abolitionists act like they're almost traitors for not being fully on board

and it bothers me that the keep treating this part of the issue as some sort of annoyance, thing we can think abt afterwards, or minor issue. or on the other side they wanna treat rapists the same way theyd treat some poor person who stole food,,,,,,like no, all of these things are actually incredibly common, and sadism and predatory actions are not same at all as many crimes. as far as im concerned theyre much less explicable than even many cases of murder and i will 100% vouch for the reform of a murderer than a rapist, particularly a pedo. and my conclusion frankly is i dont think these ppl rly care abt the saftey of children, girls, or women much

like, as you said. ill admit any day the system is fucked too. and yes the system is the consequence in america of colonialism and slavery, and in many parts of the world the prison system implemented by imperialists has been a tool of opression. and yes the system puts at a disadvantage and targets certain kinds of people and for certain kinds of offenses it makes no damn sense. like i think were all on board with this part of things??? and clearly countries like the semi-socialist northern euro ones have shown that better, more humaine systems can be implemented. im all on board for reform when it comes to 98% types of offenses, and generally i think prison reformists make very good, grounded points which seem feasible. and they suggest changes which we may actually see in our lifetimes

but then prison abolitions want to take it to such...... levels that it stops making sense. to an extent i get it, like i definitely get wanting to abolish the system and implement something new, the issue is that that "something new" makes little sense when you hear them speak. because they define annny form of incarceration or being restricted in movement as prison essentially, and we must get rid of that. so, frankly, by their own logic i dont even know if they could force rapists and pedophiles into """"recovery programs""" for any period of time - maybe theyd just let them go immediately and theyd have to voluntarly show up our of their own good will 🥺 (im sure thats gonna happen) - because anything else would be taking away their bodily autonomy.. ...really, truly, even though these ppl call themselves leftists this is such a ??? western individualistic opinion to hold?? like putting individual bodily autonomy and "rights" in any damn case, no matter how dangerous, above the wellbeing of society at large strikes me v v much as western individulism taken to an extreme

.. they dont have answers. they just dont. its either deflection, minimizing the issue, acting like youre the crazy one for asking, or some completely unrealistic bullshit abt making these men see the light - as if they dont already understand they should rape or beat women and children - or reintegrating them into the same communities that they traumatized. prison abolitionists wont admit that they have no real damn solution because, like western leftits in general in most cases, they a)dont actually care abt feminism b)dont have a fully understanding of what theyre talking about and are just screaming slogans and saying what sounds good to be right and woke and make themselves feel good and enlightened c)are allergic to actual nuance and discussion or being challenged

it also pisses me off too because ive seen a lot of them pull that woke version of noble savage shit, in which they pretend like the nonwestern world or the world pre-colonialization was this lovely perfect place with no issues no violence and everyone sat in a field and braided flowers in each others hair and talked abt their feelings. or something. when in fact, the concept of punishment for certain things has Definitely existed pre colonialization??? for gods sake even chimps, apes, several other animals have a concept of "actions have consequences" and they punish, either physically or through social exile, members of their species who have crossed a line. Several native american tribes had quite physically harsh and borderline torturous forms of physical punishment for what they deemed to be crimes, or would exile ppl (which in certain cases, like in winter, may as well have been a death sentence for some). In phillipines before colonialization for certain communities the punishment for rape was death. For gods sake islam too,,,, like,,, have these ppl never read qur'an and seen that physical punishment is one of the forms of punishment prescribed for certain offenses which are seen as affecting community negativity? Theres obviously a million other examples out there. I dont know what these people are smoking to think that the concept of "actions have consequences" was invented by the white man or whatever

[urcharactersclasspect]

I’ve also tried classpecting the archons but I’m not great at classpecting lol

Barbatos: heir of breath because he is literally reskinned John Egbert lol but also he is freedom and controls the wind

Morax: not certain yet, I like your ideas of him being a light player! I also considered time or blood I think

Beelzebul: mage of time? She understands the flow of time and has suffered from things coming to an end. Or maybe a witch because she refuses to accept that time continues onward and is trying to control it

Nahida: I haven’t finished this quest yet so I might get spoiled by sending this ask, but she seems like a total mind player of some kind to me so far

LMFAO VENTI IS JUST RESKINNED JOHN

I dont exactly agree with that but thats too funny

Theres lots of “Raiden is time player” stuff so far

The reason I think Baal is a Rage or Hope player is because her beliefs on what Enternity are very specifically skewed not JUST to mean "time passing"

This is something I've found very interesting about almost every Electro user IVe seen the quests of, or know what they act like. Almost every Electro user, as a very skewed, contrarian view of things around them. They often times have familiars, or rather, "imaginary friends" created by their own beliefs and that stem from a prolonged sense of loneliness and almost denial of things, as they desire to take control of reality around them to cope with the rather harsh realities around them.

This is seen with Razor, through his wolf spirit and his denial to properly intergrate back into a society he would normally belong to and his wanting to see only the wolves as his means to life. This is seen through Fischl too, with her Crow/Raven companion and her almost sincerely delusional way of speech and addressing herself, reffering to herself as Royalty, a creator of worlds and speaking boistoriously to a point the crow needs to translate her often. Qaqing isnt quite like this from what I've seen, but she believes the only true path is to a;llow the beliefs and hopes of people towards gods should die out in the modern age. Even Ningguang implicating this would normally make her look like someone kinda crazy and not exactly as trust worthy to people typically.

This gives me the exact energies of characters like Eridan and Jake English, Eridan with his extreme veiws skewed towards joining the enemy being the only way out of the game; and with Jake English's denial and deep seeted need to act like a Cool Movie Guy and be very peppy macho on the surface to ignore the reality around him.

Baal does the same exact thing to absolute extreme. She believes hiding herself away, creating a new version of herself to take over and leaving the rest to Yae Miko and the other politicians in Inuzuma will just take care of the rest will allow nothing to ever change. But she winds up doing this to a tyrannical level. She even tries to create another person out of the hope it will be a replacement for the loss of her sister with what she remembers and believes her sister to have been more like to see if she could create hope for a future to continue as it always had been with her twin on the helm of things, and as a fear of controlling him but having no use for him, tosses him.

Rage however is all about delusional levels of anger and wrath, which given Scaramouche and other facts about Raiden, i dont think I need to go deeper into there but u get the picture. Shes deeply troubled, depressed and resentful of her sisters passing, so much so she would have rather create another plaine of existence where experiencing the real world just doesn’t even need to happen anymore; Shes in denial that “enternity” staying in her world and just stagnate in a never ending place where nothing bad or good ever happens isnt realistic, isnt healthy  and time passing needs to take its course, but more in the sense she just doesn’t want to face it at all, she doesnt want to accept people and things need to change, need to face hardships, and that she needs to accept responsibility for what she herself has done too by being gone for so long. She also has Yae Miko, who while down to earth in comparison to most Electros I’ve seen, is literally Baal’s own familiar that translates her in a sense and knows whats best for Raiden, which she understands Baal’s mentality / way of thinking a little too well. Is still of the belief she can be redeemed even during her tyranny.

I dont know much about Beidou - But shes a Pirate, and I dont really need to explain why this seems like a rebellion out of resentment for how things are and how she drinks and is always a lot less uptight than characters like Ningguang seems like her own sense of Escapism.

[seldomscilence16]

Whumptober day 22: Pick Your Poison

Fandom: Be More Chill

Prompts; 

Toxic

Withdrawal

Allergic reaction

Oof haven't been here since off broadway ocr… uh this ones pretty short and could be triggering so. Read with care. 

He takes the pill.

He takes that damn pill. 

He loses everything he knew. 

He gains some things he hadnt known.

He learns what he hadn't thought to learn.

But mostly, he suffers silently in the wake of suffering he caused, because he deserved it. He deserved everything.

Everything about me is so terrible.

Everything about me makes me want to die.

…

Jeremy shivers, reaching blindly for the covers he'd thrown off a moment ago. His joints object to the movement, his head screaming as its jostled from its hidden position in the pillow. He sniffles pitifully- gods dont think of that worddontthink- getting hot the minute the sheets touch his feet and groans. He slumps back down, wondering if some pizza would help his mood, only for the minute hunger to turn to churning nausea, his eyes get teary as he mutters angrily into his pillow.

Maybe he should have taken a page out of Riches book, done something to put himself in a coma so he didnt have to deal with the effects. But then again, maybe Rich didnt have these, maybe this was part of his punishment. As far as he knew no one else had either, but that was only when he could stand to look at his phone. 

It made sense, his SQUIP had been… intense. To fix him it had to do a lot of work, so the symptoms of not having it anymore would be intense too. 

Except, it wasnt quite gone was it.

Another reason to keep his face in his pillow. The glitching blue blur across the room- with piercing eyes that glare into his soul- has continued to slowly make his way closer everytime Jeremy has peeked out. His voice glitches quietly in the back of his mind, repeating his past lessons or his name. Its nothing new, nothing he doesnt know, nothing thats not true. But gosh is it annoying as hell. 

His head throbs something fierce, hasnt let up since before the play- though it hadnt been rainbows then either- and at times it got ten times worse and left him in a worse state. The blue glow only he can see stabs into his eye and straight through his head. Bile rises in his throat, as dots dance in his vision, and another wave of bone heavy exhaustion weighs his limbs down. If his body would just have one symptom at a time, he'd handle it better he's sure.

Not that he deserved to handle it better.

Im such a slob, terrible

Everything about me sucks

Nerdiness is Ugly

Such a chore

Pathetic

The next time he opens his eyes the light in the room has changed, and the SQUIP is right in front of him, glitching terribly. 

"I want some peanut butter." The voice sounds like his own. 

He blinks, the lights similar but slightly different, he really wants some peanut butter. 

He never liked the smell, made his throat tingle, so he'd stayed away from the stuff. But if he was craving it…

Yeah, he wanted some peanut butter. 

He hears a familiar jingle-

He really wants some peanut butter.

Standing up is a chore-

Stammerings a chore.

His fingers twitch as a chill runs down his spine, he flips his hair on instinct as his very brain shivers. 

Your ticks and fidgets are persistent and your charm is non-existent…

He shuffles awkwardly down the hall, swaying this way and that as the world warps around him and darkness edges his vision now and again. The stairs are a looming task, literally taking them one at a time as each step sends his brain for a loop. 

There's a note on the counter, his dad's scratchy handwriting there- where's the peanut butter?

He pulls out a big spoon, and the jar from the pantry, popping the lid off. His throat feels weird as he gets a whiff, and he swears his stomach flips but he 

Wants

Some

Peanut butter.

He scoops a large glob, and sticks it in his mouth before he makes the choice, almost as if his arm had moved on its own. His spine tingles, wrists ache- everything hurts

He's on the ground.

He can't breathe.

Why can't he-

Help!

Everything about me makes me want to die. 

He deserves this. 

He's terrible. 

Everything is his fault.

If he called for help, it would just annoy everyone anyway. Why would they want to help him? When he almost ruined their lives.

"If I have to go, I'm taking you with me Jeremy."

A door opens somewhere, but he is silent as he twitches on the ground, air barely breaching his windpipe, his lungs begging for more that won't come. And all the while

He smells of peanuts. 

"JEREMY!"

"JeEeEeReeMmmEyyyy" 

"Just hold on."

[lostacelonnie]

Definitely understandable i easily lose the energy to talk with people when i have to interact with family. So you're good. Ah yes the dont worry about it approach my favorite. Especially when what you do in regards to you is your business. Well between last message & now i forgot so thats a good indicator of how thats goin. Beaches over here are hit & miss but the closer ones to me arent as popular thankfully. Hm. What is a2 knowledge & how is it getting worse? I adore colder climates heat is not kind to me at all. Tents are. Well. Some are decently priced depending on how big of one you get. Oh i definitely recommend going with friends its a lot of fun. Ive been slacking a bit on the game but so far clara is workin for me. Probably wont have enough for kafka. Oooh good luck to you with all your pulls. Story spoilers aren't a major thing for me because the how is always still fun. Definitely understand some just dont want em at all. Every time i try minecraft im like. Never sure what i want to do. So kudos to you for stickin with the game & having fun. Smaller cities are nice love having close stuff without being in like. A big city. Ah dang i hope you find that dye again in the future. Makeup is hard it should be easier for those who wanna wear it. Ive been so busy i missed. So many events whoops. Problem of bein stuck level gaining to continue story. Motivation is hard to come by. I busy myself reading or looking up new science discoveries when i dont wanna leave my room.

thankies ahdhfjfj!!! and, once again, apologies for the late reply. my grandma fortunately left a while ago but i was feeling Cranky and didnt wanna sound Annoyed With Existing ahdjfh. still kinda dying inside since i return to school in 2 weeks but fuck it we ball we stay silly etc. COMING BACK. yeah like "nobodys gonna know-" "theyre gonna know." "how would they know". and understandable sjdkfgjk consider this your reminder then. and ahh fair i live pretty far away from the sea so i dont really know good Spots i guess. BUT i do like lake beaches since theyre way more quiet most of the time. and basically im not exactly sure in how many countries it applies, im thinking most of europe? but essentially language knowledge here is divided by levels, a1 -> a2 -> b1 -> b2 -> c1 -> c2 with c2 being the highest. and well i guess theres also a0 but thats just when you start. a2 is just speaking Basic English, so like enough to survive if you go to an english speaking country but not much more. for reference, by tests ive done, my level is like between b2 and c1 so very decent but i dont know most of the "fancier" and more specific words. and with it "getting worse" i mean that [at least from what our teacher told us] the textbooks are getting easier and easier so people are leaving school not actually knowing almost anything. yeah SAME its been so hot here recently so ive been Suffering. and yeah i know but me and my mother dont really know if its a good idea to buy one since we dont really go camping anyway. but maybe when im an adult im gonna get more into it, esp if i have ppl to do it with. and ah thats nice to hear!!! i DID manage to get kafka and her lightcone so ive been having fun with her recently. actually overpowered. tho i heard shes quite f2p friendly. and oh understandable!! i unfortunately used to be on tiktok where they spoil EVERYTHING and its impossible to avoid so ever since then ive been extra careful. tho i kinda feel that way ab fontaine rn [cos i ended up actually being kinda interested] since i cant download it rn but still am excited 4 the story despite knowing little unconnected bits. and fair, minecraft def isnt for everyone but its very good for chilling out at least to me. rn im procrastinating on beating the ender dragon so im just maxxing out my gear rn. and yeah but im still gonna see whether or not i wanna live a long way from my family. oh well i still have time. also thanks!!! i have not been successful yet but i bought another dye so im gonna keep you updated on that. and ahhhh understandable, ive been Grinding so i didnt have that problem sjfkg i should build my sampo but. ah. i hate grinding artifacts. pretty excited for the 1.3 simulated universe update tho!!! esp since im really curious about the aeons so seeing more of the propagation is sth im looking forward to. but good luck!!! and VERY real i like doing wikipedia deep dives esp about marine animals. im a fishpilled oceancel but i unfortunately suffer from Not Remembering Anything Ive Read Ever.

[psid99]

World End's Fortune.

The continuation that I dont have time to draw so I will just leave them here as a snippet lol.

The intro dj: link

------------------------------------------------------------

Childe died, and everything happened just like what he said. Celestia decided to wipe out all the existences of Teyvat, Zhongli miraclely survived and continued to live in a world that has nothing but sand and ashes.

There weren't any spiritual power left in him as everything was erased so ZL just simply exist, and wait for millions years in despair. Its foolish to think that a human like Childe, got him in this situation but sometimes ZL can't help but blame Childe.

And then he eventually give up on waiting, on seeking for a new form of life on the planet and slumped down , hoping for the sand and ashes to covered him, as he gradually turned into a bare rock.

That's when a miracle happens and he found his mind wandered through time and spaces. His mind took him to have a glimpse of himself in multiple universes, and in every of them, no matter what, theres always Childe. It's as If they were destined to meet and fall in love with each other, but is this a blessing or a shackle when hes suffering this much because of their love? What's the meaning of all those years in solitude when his Childe is already dead?

Then he finally see the image of a boy, a young Snezhnaya boy wandering in the darkness talking to an unknown figure.

"Wh- where am I?" The young boy asked.

" You are at the void,... the end of eternity." The figure in the shadow answered.

" But why?? Am I... am I dead?" The boy asked frantically."

"... you were supposed to survive but its appear that you are a bit more unfortunate than the other you. So that's why you end up here, waiting to be turned into nothingness."

" what, what about you, are you going to be turned into nothingness too?"

" no, I have always been here, watching the universe moving, I... don't leave. "

" like a fish in a tank?"

The figure then stopped to say the boy is surprisingly apathetic to his situation. The boy scratched his head and laugh, saying that he already see himself end up dying .

" But I... really wanted to live."

Then the boy noticed that he and the figure in the shadow... look somewhat similar. Then he suddenly came up with an idea, he couldn't leave but the other perhaps could? He tried to convince the figure to leave in his stead, with his body.

" what's in it for me? I don't find the reason to leave this place."

" Y- You are going to live the life I am going to have, have the love I am going to received and the love I'm about to give! So please!...There's someone out there might still waiting for me to love them."

The boy keeps on insisting until the figure finally gave in, then they lay down a promise.

"Are you...immortal?" The boy asked when he was lifted up by the unknown person, they need to get on with it quick because his soul is abt to vanish.

" I supposed I am." The unknown answered.

" That's great... I have always dreamed of an eternal love, give that to them for me." Then everything turned pitch black. The unknown took the boy's body, then its as if he had turned one with the body, unable to remember anything of his past self, only with the boy's memory he lived on. Just like the promise they had, his life was a filled with love and adventures.

But he eventually meets the end of his fate, at the final moments he remembered everything, the boy, the promise, the void. Is this the end? he doesn't want to go back, he doesn't want to give up this life yet, there's still that eternal love he was promised.

So he looked at the man who's holding him tight in his arm, his beloved and thought, with you... I-

He coughed out the blood, forced out the words, and he said:

" I curse you for all the eternity-..."

—————————————————————————————————————————————

“ I want to love you for all eternity, be my loved one and no one else’s. I will make you an exception.

So when your time is ended, come find me.”

Is what he wanted to say, but the words doesn’t come out anymore. And his conscious faded away, back to the void.

————————————————————————————————————————————-

Zhongli continue to tell the mysterious voice from the void about what happened, how after that he followed the flow of time and come here.

“It’s true that I was supposed to perish on the day of the Celestial cleanse, as you can see I show up here with the appearance that I have that day, which is quite fortunate I would say… And that’s my story, what about you?”

Zhongli took a step closer to the mysterious one floating the the void and asked.

“What are you doing out here all by yourself? “

And the mysterious creatures emerged from the darkness in a figure of a beautiful young man. He stay quiet for a while then speak up.

“Are you here to blame me?”

Zhongli was surprised, but he soon put on a tender smile with a glimpse of sadness.

“ I did, it’s easier to blame you. But on that day when you laid the curse, I was the one to give in. I thought it was because of something I did that make you said that, and I was so stubborn to except the fact that everything was gone in just a blink, vanished, like it was never existed.

So that’s why I stayed, to hold on, endures all the millions of years in solitude when I should have let go, to come and… find you.” He goes on.

“ And the truth is, in all those years I had spent alone, there weren’t a day that I stopped loving you. Seeing you here like this, I’m overwhelmed with happiness. But…”

Zhongli moves towards the young man, lift a hand to caress his face but there were no touch.

“ I’m not here. It’s only my will that travel beyond the void, reach you here at the end of eternity. I’m still there, waiting in despair.”

Zhongli body started to turn transparent as he carry on.

“ To you whom only ever knows of solitude,

I hope you could let me love you.”

“ I will be waiting, come find me just like how I did. My dear, I also want all of you, you and me, together, forever.”

[thekingofwinterblog]

It’s all for his sake - Endeavor and the Sunk Cost Fallacy

My hero academia 301 is a pretty interesting chapter, but for me, the most notable piece of it was how Endeavour reacted to the realization that Touya couldnt surpass All Might.

upon realizing that his son might not be able to do it because of inborn physical limitations, he immediatly stopped his training, which frankly was the responsible and adult thing to do. 

This stint of real parenthood did not last long however.

After taking the matter to a doctor, he is flat out told that not only cant Touya achive what endeavor wants, but it is a direct result of his incredibly selfish and irresponsible attempt to play god, by trying to breed the “perfect” hero into being.

It is how you react when you lose however, that shows who you really are, and endeavor illustrates that very, very well.

Upon being told in no uncertain terms that his attempts at Breeding an heir failed magnificently, producing a child that was not capable of resisting his own immense power, but also admonished by his doctor for even attempting it, and adviced not to try again, Endeavor instead doubled down, while focusing on the child he screwed over from the start with his attempt at genetic manipulation.

It was all for him you see. Endeavor doesnt use those words, but that is how he spins it here. it was all for Touya, all for his sake. if i stop now, then Touya was all for nothing, a mistake, im doing this for my son.

if im doing this for my son, then im not responsible for any of this.

his wife however, calls him out on it, as she understands Touya much, much more than endeavor does. or rather, she sees him fully as a human being, instead of as a thing, a weapon, a failed attempt at an heir.

Unlike Endeavor, Rei is able to see the way this all is affecting her son. She is able to see, and understand that Touya has fully accepted what Endeavor wanted him to be. a stronger, and better version of himself. however, unlike Endeavor, she only cares about him as a person.

Endeavour by comparison isnt completely uncaring about Touya. like most abusive parents, he does possess love for his offspring, but it is forever tainted by the fact that however much he might care, or not care about Touya, any familial love he has for his son is tainted by the fact that to Endeavor, he is a failed experiment, a failed heir, not his child. 

He is the golden child that Endeavor was building up as his true and only heir, who he breed, trained, and molded to for that single purpose, and now that he’s reached a point where he cant continue that legacy.

so, its time to abandon him, and start over new, despite literarily having just learned how stupid this plan was, and that it can, in fact, go completely wrong, with a quirk that will fuck over the person he brings into the world.

Of course, Endeavor doesnt use those words to frame it. there is no way to pretend to be a hero, if you phrase it like that after all. Intead, this is the words he uses.

this is a very important series of panels for a great number of reasons, some that can be debated, argued, and we will probably never know the full truth to the questions because this is a series published in 2020′s shonen jump, and there are things that probably wasnt gonna fly with Hori’s editors, if it was the case.

but lets start with what can not be debated. Endeavor’s words here.

“If we want him to give it up, then we have no choice... Touya... Cant surpass him.”

These are very telling words, and however you believe The third and fourth children of the Todoroki family was concieved, there is not denying the meaning of what he’s saying here.

The only way that my son will stop being an idiot and fall into line, is if we have another baby. that is the only Right way to move forward. it is morally right, because if we dont do this, then he’s going to destroy himself.

there are two ways to interpret this scene.

The charitable way is to read it as the fact that he used Rei’s oldest son’s mental state as a justification of guilting his wife to have a third child, to give this attempt at a superpowered breeding project another shot, despite the fact that they now know that this can lead to a child who is essentially born crippled from his own powers, and despite the fact that Rei obviously understands the effect of them continuing this insanity will have on their oldest son.

the uncharitable way to look at it, is that he used this as justification for flat out raping her, and forcing a third, and then later a fourth child on her.

I personally believe the last one, given a number of factors shown in this chapter(the way this page is framed, the fact Rei obviously didnt want a third child, given she predicted exactly how touya would react, the way her eyes would latet turn when she looks at who is presumably touya which really brings to mind how she would later react to her youngest son’s face after her mental breakdown, etc.), but i’ll frankly admitt that withouth a direct quote from Hori, its impossible to know for sure one way or another. 

either way however, this is a very good example of Endeavor both being influenced by, and using Sunk Cost Fallacy to justify bringing another potentially crippled child into the world for his own, selfish goals.

sunk cost Fallacy, is a mental reaction to when you invest more time and resources into a project, that you becomes so emotionally invested into said project that you will continue to invest into it, even if it reaches a point that it becomes clear that the resources you put into it, far, far outweighs the potential gains you can achieve.

because if you give up after having invested years, and years of effort to breed, raise, and train a kid, and then all that effort was absolutely wasted. hence he choose to keep going, despite having learned what a terrible idea this is.

He doesnt care about the fact that his next child might be even more crippled than his firstborn, he doesnt care about his son’s actual wellbeing. he cares about the fact that if he doesnt continue this insanity, then not only will he not achieve his dreams, but everything he did to get to this point was for absolutely nothing.

and endeavor cannot accept that. and so long as he can justify breeding more children into the world, and there being any chance they might inherit both quirks perfectly, he doesnt care about anything else.

and the moment he realised that this kid wasnt gonna cut it either, he did it again. it is not a coincidence, that the age gap between Endeavor’s second, third, and fourth children were all 3-4 years apart. because thats the age where you can usually tell when a quirk will manifest or not, as established earlier in the series.

While she isnt brought up directly by Endeavor as a justification, it is very telling that Endeavor decided on having a third child, only after his second child was old enough that he could tell that that there was no chance she could take the place as his heir instead.

So, he had his third child, and as time passed and it became obvious that he wasn’t gonna be able to fulfill Endeavor’s goals either, he dumped him, and instead breed a fourth child into existence.

and finally, he struck gold. he did it. he produced Shoto.

everything was finally worth it, and now, everything would be absolutely fine. the cost fallacy had reached its end, and it was now all full sails ahead.

except of course it wasnt.

His oldest son, now in middle school, had been raised from birth to believe he would surpass his father, only to be thrown away, and getting to see his father try to replace him, not once, but twice.

frankly, this scene is probably my favorite in the chapter, because it goes to show Endeavor’s mindset. Natsuo made a point that their father completely ignored his older children. and he did... from Natsuo’s perspective. however, having a more thourough picture of things, we can clearly see that this wasnt the case with Touya.

Endeavor genuinly cared for Touya, enough that once he got that child he tried to breed into existence 4 times, he genuinly wanted him to just abandon trying to be a hero. he genuinly thinks of himself as a good dad here, wanting his son to abandon the mission he set out for him before he was born. of course, with context, this heartwarming scene is incredibly sad and insidious, because we understand why Endeavor got so attached to his oldest child. because he WAS the golden child. he was the child Endeavor genuinly cared about, and invested in, and trained personally with great warmth and enthusiasm.

And not only did he abandon him as a failed project the moment he realized he wasnt gonna live up to his ridiculous standards, but he literarily created 2 more kids to try and replace him, just as his oldest son was old enough to understand what exactly his dad was doing. over the course of this chapter, we get to see Touya’s start as a 5-8 year old, his deteriorating mental state over the years, until he finally seemed to reach the breaking point with Shoto’s birth sometime in his middle school years 12-15. 

Endeavor is in this scene, just not capable of understanding why Touya so desperately wants to become a hero, when obviously he isnt physically able to do so. he isnt able to understand that he is 100% to blame for the fact that his son is having a full emotional breakdown after literaly being replaced by his siblings. 

In other words, Endeavor genuinly think’s he’s a good person. a person who has made a few mistakes along the way sure, but a person who was always justified in the end, and now that he’s having to face the fact that as dabi would later say “The past never dies” and has to face the aftermath of his inane attempt to play god for the pettiest of reasons, things simply arent going to work out.

He isnt going to have a happy family, who can now put the awful early years behind them, he put way too much effort, caused too much suffering and sacrificed too many years of his life for this not to work out as he wants.

after all, if he walks away from this project now, and lets Shoto have a normal childhood, and decide for himself, with no pressure from him, wheter or not to become a hero, then the sunk cost fallacy will have reached a negative end. it will all have been for nothing.

and we know he did eventually double down on this mentality, literarily beating into Shoto that he WAS going to become a hero, and there was not but’s or no’s about it.

there was no way that Endeavor was EVER going to let things be for nothing. His treatment of his older children could not be for nothing. His treatment of his wife could not be for nothing. His treatment of Shoto, and the way he beat him black and blue to train him, could not be for nothing.

Because if it all was for nothing, if everything he feels guilty about was for absolutely nothing, then he was in fact, a bad, bad person, who had no justification for anything he ever did.

[morgana-ren]

SUBMISSION: How about a nasty sweaty incel shiggy waiting everyday for his dad to go to work so that he could have his relief with stepmom? 

Excellent submission! Love that. Love that a lot! I find it only fair to warn you, however, that I won’t be doing mommy kink for it. Mommy kink is one of my squicks, and one of the very, very few I have. I’ll do the closest thing to it though: Daddy kink. Also I find the irony of him making his little stepmom call him daddy to be absolutely hilarious.

Also this one is a great concept and I love it but it’s going to have to be a multi-parter cause it got a little bit long. Lemme know if you like the concept and I’ll continue it. Also this posted under anonymous for some reason so cheers to tumblr and its endless fucking glitches that it never fixes or seems to make any better.

Warnings: Noncon, dubcon, sexism, really gross incel behavior, nsfl things, masturbation, violent sexual fantasies, nefarious planning, horrible suggestions from even more horrible friends, absolute LOATHING of family, and entitled bastard.

There is only one thing on this planet that Tomura hates more than his father.

Only one thing can even compare to the level of abject disgust he has for his dad. Everything about the man is abhorrent and degenerate, only tolerated because Tomura is, admittedly, a NEET, and had no where else to go after graduation. But if anything- anything- could hold a candle, it would be his taste in women.

All women are trashy on some level, but his dad really manages to find ones that pretend so hard that they aren’t. Vipers behind the veneer of smiling faces clad in red lipstick and smart skirts. Always “kind”, always “thoughtful”, and always fleeting. Fickle, stupid bimbos charmed by his dads surface level charisma to quickly realize just how shallow the pool became.

Even his own mom was like that: She fucked off once she realized staying with him meant staying with his dad, and that was a sacrifice she wasn’t willing to make. So she left him to rot in this cesspit with his worthless father and no other way out.

He figures he can’t hold it against her, not as much as he’d like. A few weeks with his shriveled up paternal figure and most women quickly figure out they can do so much better. It’s in their nature to seek out the best, and that certainly isn’t Kotaro; A bumbling idiot with nothing to offer on the best of days. They don’t know any better, so they never last long after being brought home to meet his son, and those are the ones that even make it that far.

So when he starts yammering on about meeting yet another skank and how ‘in love’ he already is, Tomura’s eyes roll so far back in his head that he swears his retinas will detach. He makes a point to be around as little as possible, but somehow still manages to catch an earful about his latest fling and how excited he is for Tomura to meet her.

Great.

True to his word, Kotaro brings you home one evening, eager to impress his son with his latest catch.

His father had a lot of nerve dragging him from his room to meet you- his latest glorified slut. Adding insult to injury, you had the unmitigated gall to talk down to him like you were an adult and he wasn’t. Even though you had to crane your neck to look up and greet him, you still talked at him like he was some child. So different from you even though you were so much smaller than he was- barely even a few years older than he is, if even that. 

So polite, introducing yourself and gently shaking his reluctant hand, making a point to smile at him and telling him how happy were to finally meet him and that you’d heard so much about him. Your hands were so soft, so little in comparison to his own. He dwarfs his pathetic father, practically towers over you, yet you still talk to him like you’re the adult in the equation.

So young, so pretty, though. Far better than anything his father had a right to pull. They weren’t exactly swimming in cash, the house was nothing in particular to gloat about, and he’d done enough eavesdropping around late at night to know his father suffered a particular… ailment, so it certainly wasn’t sexual satisfaction keeping you around. What was it then? 

Probably nothing. You’d probably run off in a few weeks like they all do.

Kotaro is a worthless sack of drooping skin and aging bones; A ghost of a man not worthy of the phantoms he’s seen pass in his years. No longer the dominant male even in his own home: not with a stronger, more virile son coming into his prime under the roof as well. A beta male at best, withering away while his own son eclipses him in strength and intellect and physique. Tomura is in his mid twenties and blooming- His father… who even knows. He doesn’t care- he doesn’t bother to keep track. 

So, maybe you really are just a dumb little whore. It would make sense. Father dearest always had been a dirty old man; A raging pervert with wandering hands and lingering eyes. Always sets his predatory sights on some cute thing too good for him. 

Then again, the poisoned apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, now does it?

You’re cute enough you could have gotten some alpha at your beck and call, yet you’ve attached yourself to his worthless father who, in turn, parades you around like his most beloved trophy. Taking you to dinners he can’t afford despite your ‘insistence’ that you be allowed to pay, buying you things you claim you don’t need. Oh, how the moron dotes on his whores as if it’s enough to keep them anchored to him.

Strangely though, you don’t run off.

If anything, you sink your claws in even further, getting more and more comfortable and showing up more and more. Every time Tomura leaves his fucking room- which isn’t often- you’re there around the corner, smiling dumb and pretty and greeting him politely.

Fuck, he hates you. Hates your stupid voice, your shitty dresses, hates hearing his father happy for once.

It’s no surprise- but unwelcome no less- that he’d move you in sooner rather than later. Terrified to let you out of his sight for even a second lest you come to what little senses you have in your tiny brain and dump him. Of course, he’s quick to take on all of your burdens as his own, even if it means working overtime to support you. He’s always wanted another little housewife, and now he’s so close.

Tomura listens in on the whole conversation feeling sick to his gut.

You beg him not to- offering to pay your own way just like a good girl, but of course his dumbass dad will hear none of it. He’s more than happy to spend a couple of extra hours at work. His dad is so idiotic, so fucking blind. He’s playing right into it. He’s willing to be your workhorse if it means keeping you all to himself.

He’ll hear none of it. None of the fussing or the questions. You’re welcome in his home, he wants you there. It’s no imposition at all, he knows the house will be better with you around.

Except he forgets one crucial detail-

The son he leaves home alone with you every single day when he leaves. 

You’re nothing but a nuisance, something infringing on his private space. The time he used to get home alone to spend to his own devices is now split with you flittering around the house doing whatever it is bimbos like you do. Cleaning, cooking, pretending to read, whatever. He doesn’t have to see you if he doesn’t want, sure, but he still knows you’re there and that’s more than enough to annoy him.

It’s almost like you catch on to his animosity after a while. The way he won’t greet you back, the way he utterly ignores your existence. It bugs you, and as far as he’s concerned, good.

You try to slip him up, try to get close to him and make him like you. You always set a place for him at the table even after Kotaro repeatedly insists- truthfully- that he’ll never join for dinner. Even then, you always bring the plate to his door. He never bothers to answer- not after the first few times when he only opened it a sliver to see your stupid smiling face. After that, he didn’t bother answering. He’ll eat it of course- won’t pass up free food he doesn’t have to leave his room for- and then leave the dirty dish back outside where you left it. You brought it, after all. You can clean it up. 

All your efforts only get you mocked, and boy do you try so hard to get his affection. He even overhears you whining to his dad once or twice, not understanding why he doesn’t like you.

It makes him smile.

His friends- online of course, but still friends or comrades or kindred spirits or whatever- have more opportunistic ideas about it. His first post to the forum complaining about the new living situation was met with envy and awe- not necessarily the response he was expecting, though looking back on it, he supposes they were right. 

lmpwrst: Why u bitchin’? Ur living with a girl ur not related to and that’s closer than any of us have gotten u ungrateful ass

KingKockRool: Go jerk off on her pillow.

Stacystabber91: take a video hold her down and fuck her then idiot

KingKockRool: No wait till she’s sleeping and jerk it on her face

st8lker: Bet she’s ugly tho if she’s dating your dad lol

Oddly enough, he doesn’t agree. That’s one thing he understands about you, loathe as he is to admit it. His new ‘stepmom’, for all her annoyances, is pretty easy on the eyes. The kinda girl that would have caught his eye in an unrelated situation and earned a permanent spot in his spank bank. Thinking about it, the whole ‘dating his dad’ situation maybe threw off his judgement more than he realized.

He’ll let the jury decide: He finds a photo on your social media, crops everyone else out of it, and hits enter. Easy peasy. He saves it to his hard drive for later too. Might as well.

‘Here, you decide then.’

Thus the shitstorm begins. 

st8lker: Oh fuckkk fuck me mommy lmao

lmpwrst: Opportunity is wasted on u

Stacystabber91: you pussy punk bitch, i stand by what I said earlier. dont be a bitch and fuck the little cunt already

VolceliSwear: Whos the bitch

lmpwrst: Scratchy’s new stepmommy lol 

VolceliSwear: Nice. Hit it yet?

Stacystabber91: he hasn’t cause he’s a gigantic fuckin pussy like i told you all

VolceliSwear: Come on dude you actually have that gash sleeping in your house and you haven’t made a move? 

Stacystabber91: it’s not like she could say no cause you’re a big lanky bastard aren’t you? that’s one thing we got over the shortcels and you’re bigger and stronger than her so take what’s yours idiot or I will 

lmpwrst: I agree with SS lol U complain all the time about not having a hole to fuck and now u do

VolceliSwear: ^^ Isn’t your dad a limp-dicked prick who can’t get it up? Someone’s gotta do it so it might as well be you. Hit the bitch so hard and fast she doesn’t know what way is up

Stacystabber91: and send pics moron I want to see tits or I’m coming over there to do it myself

It’s an… intriguing thought. To be honest, he’s never actually considered fucking you before. Had the passive thought like he does with most girls he sees, but never stopped to think on actually doing it. For some reason, there was a mental wall between him and his father’s girlfriends. But why should there be?

Depraved little bastard that he is, he’s not above cornering a girl and forcing himself on her but he’s not keen on going to jail, so he’s never escalated past creepy photos and following the occasional broad a little too closely. Maybe a couple gropes in passing… okay, maybe a lot. But he’s never gotten caught- maybe the girls don’t report it or just couldn’t find him afterward. Either way, it’s all worked out so far because he doesn’t cross certain boundaries.

Most girls are repulsed by him and his repugnant behavior, so they stay far, far away. It’s like he’s a giant blaring warning sign that they tend to heed instinctively.

But you don’t. 

This is different. You live here, so close to him, so within reach. Just how close you are. How easy it would be for him to force you down and make you take it. Just how much time alone he really has with you since his father leaves and returns like clockwork. He’s got the entire day once his father leaves for work. And all night once he takes his sleeping medication. An easy, pretty little catch already wiggling in his web.

 ‘Maybe I will.’ 

That’s how it starts. 

Snowball into snowstorm.

With an idea and a lot of goading from his online buddies, a monster is born and weaned on his own depravity and escalates into something very real, and very dangerous.

Tomura is achingly familiar with the scene- he’s seen enough porn to give him ample ideas. But he’s got all the time in the world. It’s hard not to rush things considering how eager he is, but it’s safer to test the waters first. Get you nice and scared so you’ll keep your pretty mouth shut unless he tells you to open it for him. See how far he can get, how much he can toy with you before you finally catch on.

Who knows? Maybe you’ll fuck him willingly. You are a stupid little slut, after all. Most of you females are deep down beneath that holier-than-thou, stuck up bitchiness you hide behind.

So he starts with a time honored tradition. He steals your panties. 

The bathroom is cluttered with your shit. Your fruity shampoos and conditioners, your makeup, your perfumes. Tomura has a toothbrush and a comb he doesn’t use, a bottle of 3-1 for when he forces himself into a shower, and a singular gray towel, but the rest is between you and his father. Your body washes, your scrubs, your clothes in the hamper. 

It’s easy enough to fish out a fresh pair- only a couple of hours old. Some lacy contraption you must’ve been wearing beneath your clothes and carelessly left in the bin when you showered. It’s easy to pocket them before you hear him rummaging around, and maybe you’ll miss them, but that’s not his problem. Washer eats things all the time, doesn’t it?

He’s hidden back in his room, safely dodging you before he allows himself to indulge- Bringing them to his nose and inhaling the doubled fabric of the crotch so hard that it catches on the edge of his nostrils. 

Fuck, your cunt smell good- tangy and sweet but the tiniest hint of bitter. A couple of whiffs is enough to get his cock twitching, inflating into a painful hardness as he hears you walking around outside in the hallway. Shit, you’re so fuckin’ airheaded, walking around so oblivious as he tongues at the cloth that was nestled right up against your pussy until a few hours ago. He can taste you, sucking your left over essence through his teeth and he swears he’s going to cream all over the inside of his jeans if he doesn’t jerk off right now. 

He’s quick to drop his sweats and sprawl on his bed, thumbing the tip of his prick and licking gratuitous stripes up the slim of your discarded panties with his tongue. You’d look so good sucking his cock; On your bruised knees, face a slathered mess of cum and saliva and running makeup. Bulge in your throat from taking him so deep and trying so hard to please him like you always do- or maybe avoid a painful punishment because he isn’t above using his hands on you and you learned that the hard way.

The thought of your ruddy, soppy face makes him throb- fucking your wet little throat until you’re suffocating, pulling out to let you breathe only to cum on your face. Yanking you up to bend you over the stove and force you to make his worthless father’s dinner with his spend tacking across your face and his cock lodged deep in your cunt. Worthless fucking sack of shit that his father is, he’d spit in it too and make you serve it to him with a smile while your actual daddy watches you do it and rewards you later with his dick fucking you between your tits.

Fuck yes, that’s what he’ll make you do. He’ll make you call him daddy when he creampies you- the opportunity is too perfect to pass. He’ll fuck his father’s pretty whore as she screams and moans for daddy’s cock while his father is away at work to pay all her frivolous bills like the beta-cuck he is. None of the work and all of the reward- as it should be.

It’s not like Kotaro can fuck you, and his friends are right. Someone should. So why not him? Why not spread your legs for your boyfriend’s younger, more powerful son? Oh, sorry, did he give you the illusion that you had a choice? He’ll take what is rightfully his and there’s not a fucking thing you or his pathetic fucking father can ever do about it.

He plucks your panties from his face, moving them instead to work over his cock. It would feel so much better if you were wearing them- grinding your sweet little cunt against his dick, begging him not to fuck you but getting so wet all the same. The silky fabric feels so good against his hypersensitive skin, coupled with the clenched pumping of his fist as he daydreams about railing you into his filthy mattress until you’re too weak to even move on your own, his cum dripping from every one of your used holes. Limp, useless little whore too fucked out to even fight him as he fucks her in the ass again-

Fantasies swirl in his head, flashes of scenarios that tease him and work him into a frenzy. He’s going to cum hard to the thought filling you, your agonized face as the tip of him knocks against the opening of your womb, buried so deep in your cute pussy that he can feel the wall that keeps him firmly locked out of your guts. So close, so tight, so warm. He’s going to pump you full to the brim like the skank you are, fill you nice and thick full of his seed and then use you again and again and again-

He feels it in his spine, waves of pleasure furling at the base and congealing together impossibly tight, so ready to burst. His thighs flex, muscles in his stomach tightening and breath staggering. Searing white behind dry, clenched eyes and his cock twitches in his palm, knot bursting deep between his legs as his hand stills momentarily. His hands twitch, cock throbbing as thick ropes of cum spill over the slats of his fingers, splattering his stomach and the waist of his sweatpants and all over your adorable little panties. 

“Shit-” 

Shallow, shaky breaths, still seeing stars popping behind his eyelids. Fuck, he hasn’t cum that hard in- well, a very long time. Is it the thought of having something tangible soon? His very own cunt to abuse? Grinning, he looks down at the absolutely drenched pair in his hand, sticky with fresh seed.

He thinks so.

Instinctively, he wipes the excess off his fingers and onto his dirty, rumpled black sheets, swiping across his shirt and his skin. Just another ‘mystery spot’ among the rest, soon to become a crusty, flaked white stain on the fabric among all the preexisting ones.

With some effort on his part, he sits up, still trying to catch his breath. He thought post orgasm clarity might deter him from this path, but if anything, he’s even more determined now. Why should he sit and touch himself in a dark room when there’s a perfectly good set of holes to fuck wandering around freely outside?

Oh yeah, this should work out just fine.

There’s a knock on the door while he’s still wading through his gross thoughts, softly at first but then slightly more insistent. It jolts him alert, irritating him that he’s being bothered when he’s scheming. He’s already finished the dirty dead, all ready to put himself away for now but it’s still jarring none the less when someone comes around so closely to him wanking. A quick dash at the clock tells him it’s not dinner time yet, so what gives? Why are you bothering him now? Nothing is ready yet.

He tucks himself away and quickly buries your soiled underwear in the pocket of his sweats. Quickly wiping any remnants on the knees of his pants before swinging his door open, agitation palpable as he greets your stupid, sunny face.

Speak of the she-devil.

“Hi, Tomura! Just wondering if you have any laundry or anything you want me to take!” “N-”  He’s about to slam the door. About to. But you know what? You want his laundry? Sure. He’s got some for you.  “Yeah- yeah, sure.” 

He steps back from behind the door, letting it creak open a little as he rips off his freshly re-soiled sheets.

“Oh, good! Yeah, I’m throwing in my own so I’ll take your load too-“

Yeah you will.

Balling it up, he chucks it at you as you curiously peek your head in. You’ve never seen the inside of his room, but soon you’ll see plenty. He doesn’t know if you can feel the fresh cum on the sheets, but he’s willing to bet you can probably smell it. To your credit, you barely falter, even with the sheet cradled in your bare arms.

You’re probably having a moment of “understanding.” ‘He’s a young man with no girlfriend and no other outlet. Of course he’s going to wack off’ and all that. It’s cute, the way you pretend not to notice. That’s okay, he’ll give you something you can’t ignore.

He steps up to the door again, yanking his black shirt over his head and dropping it in your arms with a shit eating grin.

“Oh- okay, yeah-“

Your sentence halts completely as he starts to strip off his pants and you’re left staring in slight horror as your stepson strips down to his boxers in front of you before placing his sweats on the top of the pile you’re carrying- right by your face.

“I’ve got some more dirty boxers if you think you can handle anymore.” He’s grinning like a fiend, reveling in your poorly concealed discomfort as he leans against the doorframe, swinging out towards you. You’re backing away from him, desperately trying to keep your eyes up and away from his very exposed body, and especially the half hard cock tenting the front of his boxers. Your face is turning a viciously dark shade, stifling your breathing because he just knows what you’re refusing to see, you can almost certainly smell.

“Um- nope! This should be a full one! I’ll get them back to you soon!”

“Oh, take your time. No rush.” 

You scurry off down the hall much quicker than your usual casual walk, probably to scrub your arms clean with iron wool. Poor little thing, just trying to be nice and this is what it gets you.

He cackles something fierce as he shuts his door again, going to look for your ruined panties to post a pic but remembering they’re still in the pocket of his sweatpants, covered in his cum and saliva. A fun little surprise for you to find when you go through pockets to ensure nothing gets stuck in the washer.

And he notices, in the coming days, you stop leaving your clothes in the hamper- or even being able to meet his eyes.

Oh, this should be fun.

[wasted-headspace-98]

Starved: Part 1

This was requested by @rogueheretic555! Thank you so much for the idea! “Can you write about a reader who doesn't like being touched? Like they dont like being touched by anyone but slowly become more comfortable around din and allow it?”  I got a bit carried away, and instead of a simple oneshot, we got a whole new series out of it  Mando x Reader Rating: T+  Warnings: Mentions of abuse, non con elements, panic attacks, ptsd Masterlist

Metal clinked together as the chains shifted around the room. You barely registered what was happening as your arms were raised above your head, the shackles on your wrist digging into your flesh and hoisting your arms up. Your body was lifted from its slumped position, making you arch your back and raise your head slightly. Your hair fell in your face as you tried to make out the blurry figure of the man approaching you.

You felt your skin crawl as he traced a hand across your rib cage, disgust settling over you.

“You’re getting too thin, pet. Have you not been eating?”

His voice held a tone of disapproval and a surge of fear leapt into your throat. If he got angry with you, there was no telling what the consequences would be.

“No, master,” you said meekly, hanging your head once again. “I can’t keep anything down.” You figured honesty would cause you the least amount of pain. At least, that’s the way it had been in the past.

He hummed and shook his head at you before letting out a sigh. “What am I going to do with you, pet?” He pursed his lips as he thought, his eyes raking over your naked form. You shivered under his scrutinizing gaze. How long had you been here? Days? Weeks? Years?

Time blurred together for you. But, you weren’t alone. For you, that was both a blessing and a curse. You weren’t suffering by yourself, so you had some company. But, the man that had taken you, Kelos, had taken countless other women as well. You wouldn’t wish that torture on anyone, and you felt nothing but shame when you found yourself enjoying the solace brought by the company of the others.

You were thankful, however, that you were his favorite. It meant endless hours of pain, embarrassment, and torture. But at least it meant that none of the other girls were suffering. You had a feeling that you were also the oldest. His attentions never strayed from you for too long, and you were glad that the younger girls were spared from his horrific deeds.

You felt his hand under your chin, lifting your head. You kept your eyes downcast until he told you otherwise, not wanting to anger him further. “Look at me, pet.”

Your eyes slowly swiveled up to face him. You were surprised to find a level of concern in his normally dark features.

“I don’t want you getting sick. You’ll rest for now. I’ve got a tonic I think will help you.”

Your head bobbed up and down slowly, wondering what had gotten into him. You’d been sick before. But he forced you through it, never once stopping to consider what he was doing. It made you wonder what he had up his sleeve. Was he finally going to kill you?

Death was something you would have welcomed a long time ago, something you even prayed for. You began to look forward to the day when he would decide he’d have enough of you and finally slit your throat with the blade he was so fond of using on you.

But now?

There were others that you had to consider. There were other women, children, that were in this hell of a prison. If Kelos decided to kill you, then that would mean his attention would turn to them.

The thought turned your stomach.

“Thank you, Master,” you began, daring to look up at him. “I’ll take the tonic…but I don’t need more rest, if it’s all the same to you.”

Kelos raised an eyebrow as he examined you. His hand came up to rest on your cheek, his eyes softening ever so slightly. That was the first time you had ever openly contradicted him since that first week. You learned early on that his version of a consequence was so much worse than you could have ever imagined. It was easier on you if you went along with what he asked of you. “Very well, pet.”

~*~*~*~

Things continued like that for a while. Kelos was taking the extra time to make sure you were drinking the tonic and eating what you could. He was even allowing you showers more often. He was always present, of course, but you were grateful for that one small change. He’d also been ignoring the other girls for the most part. He would taunt them every so often, tease them as usual, but he was taking better care of them. They had blankets, thin gowns they would wear, and a steady supply of food.

The whole thing made you uneasy. You knew he was a slaver and a trafficker. There were other things he was involved in that were less tasteful, and you shuddered thinking about the times your presence was required during those endeavors.

If you were being honest with yourself, it gave you a small amount of hope.

You were still disgusted with yourself and the life you led. You shook your head thinking about it, realizing that you weren’t even living. You were simply existing. You were watching through a stranger’s eyes as they monotonously went about their tasks. The small amount of comfort you had was in knowing that you were making the other girls’ lives less miserable than they had been. As long as you cooperated with Kelos, things were fine.

But then, things changed.

Kelos was on edge, which meant he was angry. And when he was angry, things were never good. He began neglecting you and the other women. Normally, that would have been a good thing. But he took his aggression out on you. He would leave you sobbing, in pain, and silently begging for death once again. At some point, the other girls began disappearing. You weren’t sure if he had killed them or if he was letting them go.

Either way, you were relieved for them.

No one deserved to live in this hellish nightmare.

You didn’t eat as often as you used to, either. He would go days without remembering to give you food. He viewed you as nothing more than a tool for his pleasure. It left you more and more broken every time. You weren’t sure how much more you could take.

~*~*~*~

It had been several days since you last saw Kelos. You were glad for the reprieve. The last time he had visited you, he left more damage than usual. Your voice was still raspy and your windpipe was still bruised. The cuts on your stomach were beginning to get an infection, and you knew they would only get worse if you couldn’t take care of them.

You were attempting to pull yourself up, leaning against the wall beside the bed to inspect your legs. They’d taken the worst amount of damage. The shackles he used were getting more painful. The last set he had used set several pins into your legs, the metal digging into your flesh to make sure you’d stay in place. It wasn’t like you had much of a choice anyway. You sighed at the sight, quietly shaking your head. You were fairly sure he had fractured your ankle as well, judging by the bruising and swelling.

The door hissed open and you fell back to the floor with a gasp, the sudden motion sending you into a panic. You slipped back to the floor, wincing in pain as you did. Kelos burst into the room, completely ignoring you as he made his way to the back. He was in a hurry about something, and you watched with wide eyes as he started shoving things into a backpack.

He was muttering to himself, but what he was saying, you couldn’t make out. But he was scared. And that scared you.

“Kelos-“ you attempted, your voice weak and scratchy.

“Quiet!” he snarled, whirling around to face you. You promptly scrambled backwards, away from him. “You’re the reason I’m in this mess to start with!”

Your eyes widened as you tried to make yourself as small as possible. What was he talking about? What mess?

“I treated you well!” he snapped, grabbing you and hoisting you up. You tried to wriggle free, but it was no use. He was twice your size and you were completely malnourished. Even if you were at your best, you didn’t think you could have fought him off. “I kept you alive! I kept you from the Reavers! And this is how you repay me?!”

Your mouth opened to let out a scream as he wrapped his hands around your throat. His eyes held murder as he threw you towards the bed. You grunted at the impact and tried to push yourself away from him. He was faster than you and grabbed your injured ankle, making you cry out as he dragged you back towards him. He continued screaming at you as he pinned you to the mattress, his hands once again wrapping around your neck.

As he straddled your hips, pressing you into the mattress, you came to a startling realization. He was going to kill you.

Something stirred within you, something instinctual and primal. You didn’t want to die. You felt a sudden rush of determination flood your system. You knew you were going to fight tooth and nail. After everything your been through, you’d be damned to just give up now.

You gathered what strength you had left and grabbed at his wrists, digging your nails as deep into his skin as you could you had a vice like grip on him, and you could tell that he was surprised at the effort you were using. Ignoring the searing pain in your leg, you managed to struggle to bring your legs around and locked his into place before thrusting your hips upward and throwing your body to the side. He grunted in surprise at the force you used, not thinking you were going to put up much of a fight.

As he rolled off of you, he lost his grip on your throat as he struggled to right himself. You scrambled off the bed and towards the door before realizing your fatal mistake. You screamed in pain as the chain suddenly went taut, digging into and snapping around your already injured ankle. You dropped to the floor and Kelos lunged toward you with a growl.

You cursed yourself for not having picked the lock on the shackle while he was gone. Another scream fell from your lips when Kelos yanked on the chain, dragging you backwards. Your body was already damaged enough, and the sudden burst of adrenaline was quickly fading away. You dug your fingers into anything you could get ahold on, but it wasn’t any use.

“This is it, pet.” Kelos said, pulling a knife and pressing it to your throat once he had pulled you back to him. Feeling the cold metal against your skin made you stop in your tracks. He’d cut you before, so the threat wasn’t anything new. But feeling the blade dig into your throat had you fighting the urge to swallow. “It was fun while it lasted.”

You glared up at him. “Burn on Mustafar, Kelos!” you spat, quite literally, in his face.

He glared down at you, a growl coming from the back of his throat as he dragged the knife slowly across your throat. You winced, but you knew it wasn’t deep enough to cause too much damage. What really scared you was when he sunk the tip into your chest. You let out a howl of pain as he slowly pressed the blade in deeper, bit by bit. You tried to writhe out of his grip, but it was no use. There was a twisted look of pleasure in his face and he continued to drive the knife into you.

He was going to make this take as long as possible. You knew he was one who enjoyed watching the pain of others, and this was no different. It disgusted you the way he pressed his hips down on you, making you painfully aware how much he was enjoying it.

You tried to ignore the sounds he was making, clenching your eyes shut and turning your head to the side. Your mouth opened in a silent scream as tears slid down your face. You just prayed that it would be over soon.

Before you could succumb to the darkness that called your name, your prayer was answered.

The door was flung off its hinges with an explosion, throwing Kelos off of you and making you scream in pain as a piece of burning metal embedded itself in your side. You tried to move out of the way, but it wasn’t any use. All you succeeded in doing was rolling onto your stomach.

“Kelos Jutar-“

You didn’t know whether to be grateful or more terrified. You groggily raised your head, trying to see what was happening. A woman with a gun stalked into the room, her blaster pointed directly at your tormentor. Her companion appeared to be a man dressed in armor with a helmet covering his face. She made a move towards Kelos and the man turned his attention to you, making you flinch.

You curled in on yourself, both in pain and out of instinct. The woman glanced at you, her eyes widening for a moment before she managed to get Kelos on his knees with his hands in cuffs.

“Are you all right?”

Your vision was starting to get blurry. You weren’t sure if you were delirious because of the pain or if you were actually hearing the mans voice. It was soft beneath the harsh tone of the modulator, and that sent a pang of fear through you.

You could tell, even beneath the blank visor he had, that he was looking at you, taking in the injuries and examining your naked form. He said something that sounded like a curse before you dropped your head back to the ground, unable to keep it up any longer.

“Help me...”

You prayed to the Maker that he would answer your plea.

“Cara!” He turned to the woman in question, who was still talking to a hologram. She glanced at him, her eyes widening when they settled on your now unconscious form. “She’s hurt pretty bad. We need to get her out of here.”

~*~*~*~

Swaying. Was that…warmth? You managed to crack your eyes open just slightly, fighting against the pull of the darkness that was ebbing into your head again. Your blurry vision focused long enough to settle on the helmet of the man that had interrupted Kelos. You tried to open your mouth, but you couldn’t get the muscles to work. Was this what death felt like?

Your shifting caused him to look down. “Easy,” he said quietly. “We’ll take care of you. You’re safe now.”

With that quiet affirmation, you drifted back into the realm of unconsciousness.

~*~*~*~

“What happened to her?”

Cara shook her head as she looked over the scans before turning back to the Mandalorian. “There’s too much damage to tell what’s new and what’s old,” she said quietly. She glanced at your limp body that was now covered in light sheets. Your skin was sickly pale and coated in a layer of sweat. “Maker only knows how long he kept her locked up like that.”

Mando growled, the sound primal behind the mask of the modulator. “Chained like an animal, you mean.”

Cara gave him a look, but bit her tongue. Instead, she sighed. “Yes. We’re lucky we found Kelos when we did. There were several bodies found as well. But it looks like she was kept alive the longest.” She nodded to you, her face betraying the emotions she felt. She’d been after the smuggler for several months after she’d gotten a tip that he was trafficking slaves. He operated one of the largest slaver rings in the quadrant, and she was more than happy to get him out of the system. But she cursed herself for taking so long to plan the assault.

The Mandalorian turned back to you, his expression hidden beneath the helmet. He wondered what horrors you had gone through, what had made you survive as long as you did. But now wasn’t the time. He’d agreed to help Cara with a job, and it wasn’t finished. He turned on his heel without a word, the leather covering his hands squeaking quietly as he clenched his fists.

“Where are you going?”

He grunted in response, barely glancing over his shoulder. “To interrogate the prisoner.”

Cara made a move to stop him but thought better of it. She knew first hand that Mando had plenty of different ways to get someone to talk. And if she was being honest, she didn’t trust herself to be in the same room as the smuggler. She would probably kill him on sight. At least Mando would have a little bit of restraint.

~*~*~*~

You bolted upright with a scream, wildly looking around for your tormentor. Your eyes were wide as you scanned the room, looking for the unknown assailant. You knew you weren’t alone.  It was never that easy. He was always there, always lurking in the shadows.

“Hey, hey, easy!”

Your head whipped around to the sound of the voice and you scrambled away from it, howling when you fell off of whatever it was you were laying on.

“Calm down, you’re okay.”

He reached out to you and you immediately screaming again, throwing an arm up to protect your face as you cowered against the wall. His dark eyes were wide with an emotion that you couldn’t place as he reached toward you. “Don’t hurt me!” you begged. “Please!” You heard the door open and you looked over towards it with panic on your face and managed to scramble to your feet. “Help!”

“Hey, what’s going on?!”

You knew that voice. You hadn’t known it for long, but you knew that voice meant safety. You let out a strangled sob as you lunged towards the man in the helmet, reaching for him as the other man tried to catch you. Pain shot through your side and your leg as you stumbled towards him. Acting immediately, he grabbed your arms and helped you stand as you anchored yourself to him, your arms wrapping around him as you sobbed against his chest.

“What did you do to her?” he snapped at the other man, holding you against him. Your legs gave out beneath you and he quietly and gently lowered you to the ground, rubbing his gloved hand over your back as you started to hyperventilate.

“I don’t know!” the other man exclaimed. “She just woke up and started going crazy!”

A quiet growl sounded from the man that was supporting you and that sent another wave of terror crashing over you. “Get out.” Your arms left him and you tried to scramble away, looking at him in panic and terror at hearing the command in his voice. The other man got the hint, quickly skittering out of the room.

“It’s alright,” he said quietly. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

Your eyes were wide as you tried to process what he was saying. Your mind was in full panic mode and you couldn’t make yourself focus.

“Hey, look at me,” he said softly, gently reaching for you again. You flinched at the movement and he stopped, just holding his hands about a foot away from you. Seeing that you calmed slightly, he started speaking again. “I’m not going to hurt you, Cyar'ika.” Hearing his gentle voice made you stare at the visor with wide eyes. “But I need you to do something for me,”

Your shoulder shook slightly as you took a dee breath in and nodded quickly.

“Good. Just keep breathing like that. In and out.” He took a deep breath, gesturing slowly for you to do the same. You slowly followed suit, eventually reaching out and wrapping your hand around the gauntlet on his wrist.

“There ya go,” he said, smiling under the helmet at you. “Good job, Cyar’ika.”

You listened to his voice giving you assurances and you gradually calmed. You were still ready to flee at a moments notice, but the man in front of you posed you no immediate danger.

“Can you tell me your name?”

You took a deep breath again and nodded slowly. “Y/N.”

He tilted his head at you. “That’s a beautiful name,” he said. “I’m Din.”

Coming back to reality, you realized what was happening. “Where’s Kelos?” you whispered, eyes pleading with the man in front of you.

“You don’t have to worry about him anymore, Cyar’ika. He’s not going to be able to hurt you.”

You nodded slowly, digesting this new information. “Thank you,” you said quietly. Din inclined his head once again. You could tell that he was burning with questions, and you were thankful that he didn’t throw them at you in a barrage. “I don’t know how long he kept me…”

He shook his head. “Don’t think about that right now.” A breath of relief escaped you. You’d dreamt of freedom for what was probably years. And now that you had it, you didn’t ever want to think about Kelos or what he had done to you ever again. But you knew you were going to have to if they were going to get him the justice he deserved. You almost scoffed at yourself. If you were being honest, the only justice that man deserved was death. Slow and painful at the hands of his prisoners.

Before you could answer him the door opened again, sending your already frazzled nerves over the edge once again. You shrank into Din, pressing yourself against his chest and whimpering quietly.

“It’s alright,” he said gently. “It’s just Cara.”

You looked up at him again and heard footfalls approaching the two of you. Fear gripped your throat so tight you could hardly breathe as you waited for the inevitable attack. But you were surprised to find another woman crouch down beside you and Din.

“Hey,” she said softly.

Relief flooded you as you realized she was the one that had put Kelos in cuffs. Her dark hair fell in waves over one of her shoulders and her eyes were keen as she appraised you. You didn’t know how to answer her, just staring dumbly back.

“When was the last time you ate?” she asked.

You shrugged. It could have been days, it could have been hours. Time blurred together for you, and you honestly didn’t know which way was which.

“Let’s get you up,” Din said, moving his hands to your arms. You turned your attention to him, allowing him to help you to your feet. Once you were firmly on the ground, you quickly detached yourself from him, hugging your arms around your middle. You were happy to find that they had given you some clothes. They felt almost foreign against your skin, but you were glad for the warmth they provided. “I’ll get you some food.”

Panic gripped you again and your eyes went wide. “No,” you gasped, almost reaching for him. “Please don’t leave me.”

You weren’t sure what it was about that man that made you feel safe around him. Maybe it was the fact that the had rescued you. Maybe it was his calm demeanor. Whatever it was, you knew you didn’t want him to leave.

“Okay,” he said, nodding and staying rooted to the spot.

Cara pursed her lips. “I’ll get you something. And a drink too. You’re probably dehydrated.”

“Thank you,” you said softy, casting your eyes down to the floor.

Taglist: @lordofthenerds97 @rogueheretic555  If anyone wants to be added, just let me know! 

[number5theboy]

heya! i love your blog! especially your meta!! im fairly new to the fandom, only been here a couple of months, and have only read apocalypse suite and dallas (neither of which was my cup of tea but seeing the source material is always interesting) but i was wondering why everyone agrees that five should have eaten carmichael instead of the handler??

in the comics it feels appropriate as carmichael is the one responsible for five's circumstances (which are terrible) but i dont see how it would be a good thing in the show??? five's main tormentor was the handler, and show!carmichael seemed much more agreeable that comic!carmichael... if anything wouldn't it have felt more out of place because five has no substantial grudge against him other than working for the commission?

sorry if this is a dumb question!

<3 <3 <3

Eh, there are no dumb questions, Anon.

Pretty straight-forwardly, people (me included) are just pretty pissed that they took one of Five's truly iconic comic moments and gave it to their show OC. The Handler is her own can of worms I don't particularly want to get into, mostly because other people have (you can look here if you want to know more), but the fact that they brought her back as the main villain when Carmichael exists and they decided to put him in the show just rubs many people the wrong way. Taking away from very interesting characterisations from Five and Carmichael to give them to the Handler is just a bad move. It shows that they know the comic and know the parts the fans of the comics LOVE, and they just straight-up refuse to give it to us, instead mangling it beyond recognition with just enough shout-outs to tick people off. I don't think Dallas is the best-written piece of media ever, but I do think it's better written than Season 2, and the way they mangled the whole Carmichael and Five storyline is a genuine shame.

Dallas really delves into the trauma Five suffered at the hands of the Commission, and it is the second-best character exploration the comics do, in my opinion. Him eating Carmichael is so good not only because it's feral and shocking and just perfect for the cold-hearted ruthless gremlin he in the comics, but also because it's him taking back a little power, even after it's too late, even after they've already gotten him to do what they wanted - defeat himself. And Carmichael is odd and arrogant and quirkily ruthless and interesting, and the character design is just great.

Season 2 on the other hand really isn't interested in exploring Five and his relationship to the Commission anymore. I've complained about this before, but it irks me that Five is completely fine with the institution that let him live in an apocalyptic wasteland for forty years and was pushing for the world to end just. Continue on with no repercussions after he was literally throwing grenades around the premises ten days ago. They strip Carmichael of any personality AND any relationship to Five despite representing something that fundamentally ruined his life.

The fact that they basically inserted the Handler into this dynamic and thus robbed it of its actual purpose is just so disappointing to me. It would still be a bad storyline if it wasn't Carmichael but another show OC, but the fact that they took an iconic comic character and stripped him of everything that made him iconic is just a disservice to the source material. Disservice to the source material is probably the best way I can summarise why people are miffed about this whole topic.

I don't think it's necessarily about show!Five eating the show version of Carmichael as it is written, i.e. just replacing the Handler eating him with Five eating him and leave everything else as it is (including Five and Carmichael's non-existent relationship in the show), it's more about how the show takes away something important to Five's character not by just leaving it out of the show, but just by giving it to another character. The Handler shouldn't have had conflict with the Commission, she worked perfectly well as a microcosm of how abusive and fundamentally bad the Commission was in the first season. She shouldn't have come back and essentially gotten part of his comic arc, while Five got an arc about farting and other inconsequential shebang. It takes Five down by propping up a character that shouldn't be in the season in the first place, and it's just frustrating.

TL;DR: @ Showrunners, don't fucking reference the comic if you're not going to do it any justice.

[ufonaut]

I came across some of geoffrey thornes opinions from twitter, and I dont think the man knows the difference between personally not liking a character and calling the character boring. Its just super funny to say Hal and Alan are uninteresting, when the reason the other green lantern characters exist is due to their original popularity.

folks i hate to say it but mr thorne is literally completely 100% undeniably right

i love his dedication to tweeting about parallax being the only interesting thing to ever happen with hal on an yearly basis but all jokes aside, i've never agreed with anyone more

hal's endless parade of minimum wage jobs, the years when he was living out of motel rooms or on friends' couches, the road trip with ollie and all that came out of it are certainly highlights of the character and a great big contribution to what makes him himself but beyond that, and unfortunately that's the vast majority of the time, hal's a space cop with the personality of a cardboard cutout. parallax is not only what sets him apart from comic book heroes as a whole, the earliest legitimate exploration of what the guardians' lack of emotional intelligence & sympathy can lead to or even a look at the underbelly of heroics a la identity crisis before identity crisis was even a glimmer in brad meltzer's eyes but it's also the very first time we're directly confronted with hal's humanity

and geoff johns, whose fanboy-ism is so well known he might as well have been a member of H.E.A.T. (see: hal's emerald attack team, the most ridiculous fanboy campaign of all time), wanted to write a character who was so thoroughly heroic, so unfailingly morally pure that he couldn't have possible fallen prey to the madness of all-encompassing grief without an outside influence. similarly, grant morrison wanted to write a pulp-y sci-fi story that played fast and loose with enough continuity gags to draw in longtime readers and took space cop to new extremes. even back in the sixties, hal suffers so thoroughly from abysmally dated writing in a way alan's '41 series inexplicably does not

hell, the early half of the nineties run is good enough and even there you can tell the inherent tension to the series is hardly hal slowing down & growing old (which was the very intentional case with ollie queen over in the green arrow title running at the same time) but the writers realising the book's getting stale with the whole space cop shtick to the point that the solicitations for emerald twilight described nothing even in the vicinity of what we actually ended up with before gerard jones was thankfully booted off the book and ron marz brought in. so far, marz is the only one to have understood hal's potential and gone through with it all the way!

without parallax, hal is boring. his early popularity & what led to the green lantern franchise as we know it is barely owed to who hal was as a person back in the day and much more to the popularity of sci-fi in the sixties and julie schwartz's incredible ability to release just the right book at the right time. by then, alan scott was largely forgotten and had been unceremoniously kicked off his solo book by a stray dog twenty years prior when the appeal of comic books dwindled massively after the war. certainly there's merit to talk of legacy but if we're legitimately talking about real life context, "the glc exists because hal isn't boring" doesn't pass as the most compelling of arguments

i'd give geoffrey the benefit of the doubt regarding his comment about alan (which could also be read as including alan despite him being a non-traditional green lantern, not because he's enough of a snoozefest to rival hal) but even without that, what alan has become in the modern era is hardly as exciting as the absolutely magnificent writing he'd benefitted from once

frankly, i'm grateful we've got a writer with a genuine taste for innovation on the current ongoing green lantern title and i think geoffrey thorne is not only taking the series in the direction it's needed for so long but he's managed to make me love characters whose very existence i'd previously been opposed to and i'd call that the signs of a job well done, not to mention he's had callbacks to both pre-retcon parallax and the starheart's return to form as the oldest magic in the universe so if/when hal and alan are brought back into the limelight we can rest assured it'll be the best versions of them

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Soulmate Au

Before you meet your soulmate you have to deal with a chibi version of them before actually meeting them. So can you handle it?

Reader's point of view

Dabi's perspective

You were anxious. Two years have passed since your 18 birthday... and your chibi didn't made any appearance or any living signal.

Ever since that you've been made fun of. Your parents tried to comfort you by that didn't meant they wouldn't dissapointed as well...

Now, settle in your new apartment, you huffed as you watched a nonconformist about two soulmates meeting eachother chibis evem before 18! You should be one of the unluckiest persons on the world or you didn't had a soulmate...

Getting up, you decided to turn on the stove to make yourself some noodles before your stomach decided to make his existence knowledgeable.

Heating the water up you sighed before you tensed at hearing the door cracking. Arching one euebrow and looking over your shoulder you shrugged before returning your attention to the stove amd screaming when you saw what was there.

It looked at you with bored turquoise eyes, underneath and almost half of its face had burnt marks. Slowly trying to reach for a wood spoon you had to at least defend yourself the little man just raised his tiny hand first and burned to ashes your spoon!

"Hey!" You shriek and it only smirked at you before dropping from the counter and putting his hands on his tiny jacket and walking towards the living room.

You blinked, not quite certain of what just happened before your mind clicked as you gasped in realization.

That was the chibi! Your chibi!

.

.

.

Your chibi was a quite handful one. He was always with that stoic face presented and neither tried to reach for your affection like most chibis would do... You were getting worried at it but slowly noticed that the chibi acted like that because your own soulmate had that personality.

"How lucky am I huh?" You sighed, resting your elbows on your legs and face on your hands as your chibi stared back at you with the same poker face as usual.

Although his activities and scars, you couldn't help but to find the chibi beautiful, giving you more and more wish to meet already the handsome man that was destined to be your soulmate.

"You are beautiful you know that?" You mumbled out loud and you giggled at the way the chibi's blue eyes widened before he scratched the back of neck, looking at his side to hide the faintest blush on the non scarred part of his cheek.

"Do... do chibis even eat?" You mused out loud and the chibi only stared back at you like you were an idiot. You gulped before listening to the sound of the water boiling and getting ready to make your noodles.

Whem you came back with a bowl your chibi suddenly squeaked. It was kinda rough and scratch type of squeak but adorable no less.

"You want it?" You offered a bit in your chopper sticks, blowing them a bit before feeding the chibi.

It finally smiled at you! A true kind of smile, not a sick or scary smirk he showed to you later!

It was a first step!

.

.

.

Days passed by and the little fire blue ball warmed up to you. You, not knowing what else to name, decided to just refer at him like fireball sue to the obvious show of his quirk.

He always prefered to remain on your lap and on walk just sitting on your shoulder chilling. If anyone even dared to come closer you had to be carefull with your hair because the little shit immeditaly put his own little hand on fire.

Always after that you could smell the burnt of his skin. Frowning at it you cupped the chibi on your hands and kissed his hands. He didn't mind it all but as always the quiet chibi he was, didn't let out one single squeak.

"You know, I am grateful for you protecting me, but if it hurts you please dont do it, I dont want my soulmate suffering." You smiled gently at him which he only shrugged before carresing your cheek with his smaller hand.

You put him back on his shoulder and continue to walk before you stopped at the huge amount of people surrounding at least three heroes. You smiled at the childs asking for autographs before you sense it your chibi getting tense kn your shoulder when both of you spotted the current number one hero. Endeavour.

You looked at him and found him looking down at his hands.

"Not a fan of heroes fireball?" You asked gently before gasping at how he scotted over to cuddle ok your neck, burying his little face on it as you tried to cuddle him back on the best way you could. "Let's go home. Is better when is just the two of us right?" You asked with a kind smile as he only nodded in your shoulder.

.

.

.

You were watching the news as your chibi took a nap in your lap, gently snores letting go of his tiny mouth as the reporter spoke. Suddenly it came the news of the most ranked villains...

Widening your eyes you saw a familiar man controling blue flames on the attack of the camping from the U.A school. Shakily looking down and up none of it could hid it... Your soulmate was a villain. A rank B fucking villain called Dabi.

Before you could react you suddenly felt a huge pain on your arm. Clenching you pet out a painful scream, making your chibi shriek in your lap before you dropped in the ground, tears gathering in your eyes as the pain suddenly changed from your arm to your back.

Curling up on the ground, whinning when the pain suddenly eased a bit you opened your eyes to see and hear your chibi, wide eyes and even the mint stables of his cheek and eyes to go off as his squeaks echoed in worry.

Whatever it was you felt... it wasn't your soulmate. If it was the chibi wouldn't be on this state...

"I-I'm fine... I g-guess I just need to go to the hospital to check my arm..." the chibi frowned and hugged your hand when you got up amd you smiled.

For a villain this man was surely an affectionate and touchy one...

.

.

.

"A fractured arm?" You whispered as your chibi remained hidden on your hoodie.

"Sadly. Wear this sling for a few days and it should be okay, you're lucky! It almost broke." You gulped as you got out of the office only for your chibi to pop out from your hoodie and squeak.

"Is just a fracture arm fireball." You smiled at him "I will live!"

The chibi frowned at you, clearly not believing you before hiis eyes went wide as his whole little body trembled in your shoulder.

"Are you okay? Sweety?" You cupped him on your hand before he squeaked, shaking your finger and looking at your front. He started to squeak more and more loudly as you.

"W-Wait-!" You almost panicked when he jumped from your hand and only gave a tiny little tug on you before running off. Running after him you bumped into a few nurses, apologizing profusely.

"HEY! YOU WILL HURT YOURSELF!" You screamed before bumping into a hoodie masked man and falling on the ground.

You clenched with your free hand the side of your face before looking at the pair of chibis hugging eachother like their life depended on it... You widened your eyes at practically seing you there, blushing crinsom red when fireball carresed your chibi version cheek lovingly.

On their side was a sunglass as you curiously picked, a half scarred hand grabbed on yours as well before you locked your gaze with turquoise surprised eyes.

"Oh!" You retreaded your hand immediately with blushing cheeks. He retreaded his hand a bit to look around and get up hurriedly.

"Here." He offered his hand to help you up, he lifted you up and you got chest to chest with him as he admired you "We wouldn't want any other person to see us."

"I-I sure." You nodded following him to a more secluded place, your chibis trailing after you both.

On a dark alley, you waited for him to say another word. Staring at his back expectantly...

"You arent dumb. You know already who I am and what do I look like-" he turned to you, shoving his hood down to show you his face, the most beautiful and handsome face you've been dying to see "Right? Dollface?"

Not mindful of your blush, you took one more step closer to him before hesitantly cupping his face with your good hand. Not noticing how he frowned at your sling, a quite too remorseful face.

"You're the most beautiful man I ever saw... You know how much I've been waiting to see you?" You almost gasped in your words as his face slightly soften on a charming smirk as he hold onto your wrist.

"So my idea worked on coming to the hospital... Would it be bad if I stole a kiss from my soulmate then?"

You blushed even harder before both of you turned your head at hearing your chibi version squeak as Dabi's chibi hugged it close and already stole a kiss from them.

"Well, the little shit did over there, so I guess I can"

Before you could even say something you felt half chapped and scarred lips on yours as you melted in his arms, almost like he had used his quirk to leave the atmosphere hot enough.

[calehenituseappreciation]

i hc wilbur made tommy president because he planned to go and press the button while tommy spoke and kill him along with himself

wilbur wanted end all his unfinished symphonies and as the person who raised tommy- he raised him like he raised l'manberg. he doesnt care for fundy- not since he denounced him- so he wanted to end him :)

i need a fic where tommy is the one who goes to stop wilbur and wilbur fucking stabs him before pressing the button saying "it was never meant to be" tommy loses both first and last lives to that phrase

tommys last words are it was always meant to be fucking wilbur survives the explosion and has no one to kill him and now he has to live with the consqunces tommy becomes toast- short for ghost tommy i refuse to write so many letters each time- and immeditly looks for his older brothers and he finds wilbur first :) wilbur is exiled for his crimes and also out of fear- they tried to rehabilate him! they really did but then he freaked out over seeing toast... in a bad way.... and he and toast burned georges house on toast suggest (maybe we should burn something! that always helps me calm down!) this is after wilbur is trusted enough to be not... in a prison... after phil convinced them he needs help and toast tries his best ok- (WHO LEFT WILBUR WITH TOAST!) (I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME! I WAS ONLY LEAVING FOR FIVE MINUTES! AND RANBOO WAS THERE TOO!) and toast tries to go with but everyone is like "yeah no" and toast is like "whhhhyyy i just wanna stay with wilby!" and everytime anyone tries to tell tommy about the wrongs that have happened to him he screams and clutches his head in pain and everytime he comes back he doesnt remember the convo toast,,, is the most BABY toast calls everyone cutesy nicknames unironcially he calls eret rere toast, chriping happily: TECHIE!!!! tubbo: TOMMY STAY AWAY FROM HIM! toast, in a very lost and confused voice: why? techno, freaking out: tommy? toast: hi!!!!!!! im toast!!!!!! :D techno: lowkey ab to cry toast: NOOOOOOOO DUN CRI! toast: there there techie... i know what will help! tubbo, sighing: arson? toast: ARSON! phil comes just in time to find tommys dead body and l'manberg gone hes not around for the withers neither hes there just to see the crater and wilbur in chains with blood on his hands trying to off himself phil will forever blame himself for not making it in time :> dream: taking wilbur away in boat toast, floating behind the boat: o^o dream do you have any games on your phone .///^///. looks at exileinnit hmmm spins roulette wheel who should i hurt... i picked d all of the above they dont let toast go with him but because he is baby and you can't tell him what to do tubbo: sighs finally now that the exiles done toast can you- tubbo: looks up tubbo: GOADDAMN IT

toast is promptly kidnapped back to l'manberg the next day toast keeps going back tho and no one understands why- he literally killed him! why does he keep wanting to go back! (toasts unfinished buisness keeping him tied was helping wilbur and l'manberg- he loved wilbur even at his worst)

toast vibes around everyone but he stays with wilbur- where ever wilbur goes is where he builds his home

its shitty but its an 'ome Toast, teary eyed: Dad? Why does everyone hate Wilby? Why can't I be with him... Phil, with no idea what to do: niki bakes cakes with niki whenever hes in l'manberg he keeps accidently setting her bakery on fire but hes sMOL AND GIGGLES A LOT AND HE HAS FLOUR ON HE GODDAMN SELF toast is a part of mexican l'manberg i dont make the rules mexican dream: AYYYYYYYYY HOMIE toast, giggling: 'OMIE!!!!!

Toast is wholesome while everyone is literally willing to murder Wilbur while also trying to stop him from khs toast is just a very happy lovely child and cries whenever anyone is mean to 'his big brother wilby!' and so they all constantly glare daggers over toasts shoulder wherenever he cant see em meanwhile Phil is just dying inside because Tommy is a ghost by Wilbur's hands and Wilbur keeps trying to commit suicide and oh god what is he supposed to do- he simply avoids this struggle by avoiding them toast, waddling up to philza: papa do you have any games on your phone? all im saying is that tommy called phil papa before changing to dad or fathercraft phil,in the tired parent voice: tommy please sit down- just for five minutes- at least for 5 minutes toast: sits down and then proceeds to struggle to continue to sit but he must because dad told him to toast is just ADHD incarnate wilbur, trying to end himself: im gonna escape my consequences toast: HI!!!!! :D wilbur: FUCK ITS MY CONSEQUENCES toast,,,, is so baby Wilbur is just not allowed to have anything remotely sharp i like how theres so much angst and im just hyper focusing on ba yby dream uses toast the same way he uses ghostbur! :D toast doesnt realize of course even after wilbur tells him dream is bad but he keeps forgetting!!! Everyone: da baby Dream: how can I profit from this oh dream is manipulating wilbur btw wilbur: suffering toast: i made you a card toast trusts eret wholeheartedly and this hurts eret because she knows if toast remembered he probably wouldnt- they wanted redemption but not like this- not because of death Toast: you look cool Toast: you are friend now Eret: sobs I don't deserve this Toast: what did I do wrong Toast: how can I help friend!!!!! Eret: sobbing more toast looks at everyone says "ah! friend shaped!" if ur wondering wheres the angst toast is the angst- toast is just tommy without any bad memories and hes so different they thought he was happy before they thought he was fine tommy was hurt too but since he internalized it no one cared toast sees wilbur being sad and goes! i know what will help! n-not arson tho people dont like arson when you do it.... BUT ITS OKAY! I BROUGHT A FRIEND! shows friend, the sheep and wilbur just fucking sobs Toast is wholesome chaotic in a perfect mix- toast is tommy but without the 'asshole on purpose as a self defense mechanism" someone mentioned something about Tommy masking insecurities once Toast doesn't remember. and he's fine with that he doesn't have any insecurities toast hurts because in retrospect toast, meeting bad: WOAAAAAAH! YOU LOOK SO FUCKING COOL! bad: LANGUAGE! toast, cringing back, looking at the ground: ..sorry :( bad: ...you can swear toast: :D bad: once toast hasnt sworn since "hes saving it for special occasions" sometimes he accidently swears and immedtly gasps and looks at bad and bad just sighs and is like "its okay it was an accident" bad never would have thought itd take letting tommy swear for him to stop huh... its almost like... hes a child.... and the negetive reienforcement.... was doing more harm then good.... toast: exists in an amount of happiness no one has ever seen him in before everyone: pain how much pain was tommy in before? they thought tommy was happy- was... was he not happy? he's so unabashedly joyful and energetic looking back they can see how forced every laugh felt, every smile- He's not afraid to just talk to people, make new friends he became so much more cautious after Eret, had it really effected him that badly? He's open. He never lies about how he's feeling, never brushes anything away how much was Tommy hiding, how much pain, how much fear- It's chilling. bone chilling. There's no way to fix what's been lost. No way to apologize to who Tommy used to be, to try and make it better. None of them every bothered to see him as anything more than a nuisance, an annoying child or cannon fodder and they'll regret it for the rest of their lives everyone: having a mental crisis toast: GUYYYYSS!! I MADE ANOTHER FRIEND!!!

"Wilby?" Wilbur heard Tommys voice say in an innocent tone.

Was he hearing things? Tommy's dead. He killed him himself.

"Wilby why are you in prison?" The image of his little brother asked, "Did you commit arson without me?" it asked in a pout.

"TOMMY!" Tubbo yelled running into the cell where Wilbur was kept, going through the bars with ease, "Tommy get away from him!"

"But 'ubbo!!!! Wilby is 'ere!!!!" Tommy (?) said with a smile Wilbur hadn't seen since Tommy was a child.

"Tommy, I understand you don't remember anything right now but you need to come back over here!" Tubbo demanded and Tommy flinched

Wilbur was struck with the sudden realization that this isn't just his mind- no no it can't be- but Tubbo acknowledged him he has to- Wilbur reached his locked hands towards Tommy only for him to pass through him. What? No no it was just his imagination that makes sense.

"Oh sorry Wil! I'm kinda dead! I don't remember how i died... but i think im a ghostie!" Tommy said plainly, floating off the floor. Wilbur looked at him in confusion. Whats happening?

the first time toast sees the crater toast srceams in intense amount of pain- its so loud you can hear it all over the smp- and just dissapears for a few days before reappearing with no memories of what happened toast saying things tommy thought but never said- he calls eret "big brother" and eret fucking d i e s toast cals all the l'manbergians older siblings He's far too honest for anyone to handle tommy was always honest too but he learned from experince that honesty only lead to hurt Tommy was like an enderchest, you could never see beyond the exterior, everything inside was exclusive to him and him alone Toast is like when someone dies and all their fuckin items explode onto the ground. you just see everything and most of it was  pain and everyone feels bad because they thought he was the only one uneffected that nothing had ever put a damper on his happiness and energetic smile- at what point had that smile became fake? also for angst reasons the last memory toast has is before the elections toast has uwu boy vibes but more chaotic toast goes to dream smp from logstedshire purely for sam nook toast starts making his hotel since he sees nobody has a home (including dream LMAO) (and he wants to make a safe place since everyone keeps saying something about war) and wants to make one and asks sam for help since apparently hes good at building and sam lets him pay after he finishs the hotel and sam nook is there since day one because i dont think i could handle a world without sam nook toast: biting everyone tubbo: wHY DO YOU DO THAT?????? toast: once techie bit all the cupcakes and then said it was his cuz he bit it so im biting everyone to show their mine!!!!! tubbo: i- tubbo: i am both flattered and disgusted everyone, remembering how tommy used to bite everyone upon meeting and then everyone would get mad at him and yell at him until he stopped biting people on meeting: sadly whips and nae naes hes a BABY toast deserves the fucking world also i havent talked ab it but there is wilbur and fundy angst here fundy confronts wilbur also not that fundy is angry about not not not getting murdered by his father but also why does he consider tommy his unfinished sympohny and not him? he raised fundy too- maybe he just only ever loved tommy (based off his insecurity of how close wilbur and tommy are based off wilbur raising tommy and wilbur only being there for fundy by the time he was older and also using hybrid age go nyoom for this dream manipulates toast during wilburs exile along with wilbur and toast realizes both of them were being used by him and fucking screams lourder than he ever has before and dissapears for a week and then shows up at technos house (he got lost and he didnt know why he was at logsted shire- he doesnt remember the place) on the day of the excution and tries to help technoblade but keeps forgetting that everyone is trying to kill techno the butcher army is hesitant when "hey why are you all attacking big brother Techy-" "HE SPAWNED WITHERS IN L'MANBERG!" "he did?" toast asked tilting his head in confusion "YES! HE DID! AFTER YOU DIED! NOW WHERE IS HE TOAST! WE NEED TO CAPTURE HIM!" whenever tubbo talks ab how theyre planning on excuting techno or how there was no trial toast has flashbacks to tubbos excution but hes never able to hold on to the memories just leaving him feeling bad toast sees anything traumatic and just makes the blue screen noise toast has to reboot every time anything truamatic happens and when he does he doesnt remember what happens after

toast hurts on a "THE FUCKING IMPLICATIONS OF THIS" level just.. everyone trying to make up for not noticing tommys hurt and trying to be good to toast when its already too late... far too late glatt is also here because whenever ytoast dissapears after something trauamtic he bounces back to the land of the dead for the bit and sometimes he drags glatt out to the land of the living with him only works bc toast has unfinished buisness so he can freely go between and just stays in the land of the lving until he can finish his unfiinshed buisness ghostbur and toast wouldve been good friends if they ever met anyone yells at toast and he immeditly starts sobbing

basically when everything is calm and peaceful and everyone is happy together after dream is in prison and toast is like "oh... this is what ive always wanted"

"toast?" tubbo asked, confused toast smiled softly, "i think its time for me to go" "what?" wilbur asked his pitch unusually high due to the fear lacing his voice "i think... i think this was my unfinished buisness... this is the last thing i wanted when i was alive, the reason i stayed... i think its finally my time to go now" toast said smiling tearfully "no! you vcan't go! we just got you back!"

basically when everything is finally ok, when things finally calm down toast fades back to the void/afterlife thing