#i dont. get why this one (1) dinner is so important.

[csuitebitches]

How to Wake Up Early

I always wanted to be one of those girls who would wake up early, go for a run and be super productive with their mornings. The issue is - i really love sleep. Every time i would start a routine, i would eventually fail. I would wake up to turn the alarm off, think to myself “5 mins more” and boom- it’s suddenly 8:30 am and i need to leave for work in less than 1 hour.

Two videos on YouTube really changed my mind. One was Andrew Huberman’s, and the other was Jihyo, a k-pop star.

I came across Andrew Huberman’s video about dopamine, and somehow, it helped me to understand why the difficulty waking up early is so important. Now I’m no expert of neuroscience, but let me explain to the best of my abilities.

Dopamine is essentially the build up to the reward; it is not the reward. It is the satisfaction and happiness you feel (when your body releases), after you have achieved something that was painful/ required you to struggle a bit. In order to receive this reward, you have to feel pain, because pain and satisfaction are directly related to each other. Satisfaction without pain is useless and does nothing for you essentially.

That got me wondering: for me, waking up early is difficult. It’s painful. I dont want to do it. But if I do it, its my first win of the day. It’s the first challenge I have overcome of that day, and I always do feel amazing after. The dopamine release after the struggle of waking up and winning the battle of not going back to sleep is definitely there. I feel more confident because a) I have done the “right” thing b) selfishly, i can do something so simple that a lot of people struggle with c) it weirdly makes me feel more confident and like I’m doing the first step of being an adult right.

Jihyo’s video was quite random - she did some show where it shows her daily life when she’s not working. Parts of it made me feel like she’s unable to just relax with herself (probably because her body and mind are so used to chaos, performing, her girl group living together for so many years) so she busies herself a lot. I took the positives from the video; she’s extremely disciplined which I admired, she gets her chores done, she’s good at ensuring that her space is truly her space.

So I decided to build a relatively foolproof routine; but mind you, it does require quite a bit of willpower.

I’ve developed a habit of waking of waking up at 5 am. I head straight for a 30-45 minute meditation and then at least an hour long workout. I stack my habits that way; right after meditation, I put on my running shoes. I used to really struggle with waking up, even if I had to wake up late. This is the strategy that worked me, see if it works for you.

1. Reset your space the night before

This makes you feel less stressed in the morning and also genuinely makes you feel like you have your shit together. Put your clothes away, keep your bag in its place, clean up your desk, reorganise your make up and skin care products. You’re going to go to sleep and wake up to a clean space.

Make sure you define both your bedtime and wake up time. My bedtime is 9:30 pm - so i manage my chores, reading, dinner, everything around that.

2. Early dinner

I’ve noticed that early dinners help me sleep better. I’ve built the habit of casually walking for 25-30 minutes post dinner (not right after eating, after about 15 mins). I’m not walking fast to a point where I’m sweating and puffing, I’m casually strolling outside. During this time, I don’t listen to music, interact with anyone or my phone. I use this time to connect with myself and think about whatever I feel like.

3. No devices before sleeping

I don’t want to stimulate myself before sleeping, so I prefer reading before bed. If you don’t like reading, you can instead do your skincare, maybe revise some physical study notes, etc.

4. Using Alarmy app

This app is torture and I swear by it. This little thing makes you a solve a challenge of your choice in order to make the alarm stop, like math problems, puzzles, etc. I chose 5 math problems.

5. Keep your phone across the room

Don’t charge it near your reach. Keep it as away from you as possible.

6. Stand for two minutes after shutting off the alarm

Don’t allow yourself to snooze, or go back to bed. This is the part that really requires you to tell yourself: “i am not going back to sleep. I’m going to wake up and do the things I have to do for my own benefit.” Remember - the states of heaven and hell are not outside of you, they’re inside you. They are mental states. You have to fight with your lazy demon and tell him/her/whoever that NO; we are NOT going back to bed.

I charge my phone across the room so that forces me to walk first thing in the morning. To stop myself from going back to sleep, after i have shut the alarm off, i just stand for 2 minutes. I dont sit, or go back to bed. I stand and tell myself, we’re doing this. We’re going to wake up and have an amazing day.

Your mind is like a child with tantrums and mood swings. Your rational self has to discipline your mind the way a parent would to a child.

7. Turn a small light on

Not something that is jarring or overwhelming, but enough to help you start waking up. I turn my phone’s flashlight on and keep it on my desk.

8. Be consistent, even on weekends

The biggest mistake you can make is not being consistent. Your body doesnt recognise weekends, your mind does. Your body doesn’t know that tomorrow is Monday, so its time to wake up early. By staying consistent (yes, I wake up at 5 am on weekends too), it allows my body to develop its own body clock and not wrecking the system I’ve kept in place.

What do I do if I have a late night?

It really depends. Let’s say I come home relatively early (+2 hours around my bedtime) around 11 pm, and im in bed by 11:30. I’ll wake up somewhere close to 5 am, like 6 am instead. The next day I ensure I’m in bed by the bedtime I’ve kept for myself and wake up at 5 am again.

If I come home really late, like 3 am - i keep my alarm exactly 8 hours from that time. I need to get sleep, but oversleeping is an issue and that wont allow me to wake up early the next day. I want to get enough sleep where im rested for the day, but not excessively. Unfortunately, sleeping so late would definitely mean that i wont be able to fall asleep at my dot 9:30 pm bedtime, but i turn the lights off and get ready to sleep by then anyway, and mentally prepare for my 5 am wake up call.

[tookthe-405]

On our way

Chapter 1 :

We’ll keep falling on each other

DONATIONS & LINKS 🇵🇸

DAILY CLICK🍉

Loser!ellie x ex-bsf!reader

ROADTRIPPPP

authors note: first chapterrr🤪 ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE SO PLS

And pls tell me if the chapters should be shorter and what kind of perspective I should write from (Ellie pov will come later when I’ll fit), LONG AF

Summary: modern Jackson au!

you and Ellie were best friends through your childhood. Now your just neighbours who act like enemies towards each other, but after an incidence you both decide to run away together.

Joel lives 💯

warnings: anxiety , Panik attack?, alcohol, smoking, feeling of throwing up (only mentioned once) smut in future chapters!!, chaotic and stupid arguing between reader and Ellie, school anxiety, messy af (I mostly write at night when the demons come out🐺)

(ellie is 18 and reader is 17 (soon 18))

Readers pov:

6/25

You couldn’t remember the fall out.

For a matter of fact you couldn’t remember anything that happened that night.

You just knew that the next morning Ellie and you weren’t friends anymore. You guys weren’t anything, just total strangers who knew more about each other than any other.

“Iced Coffee and 4 chocolate donuts should be your order”

Your head snaps up and an older guy holds out a bag of donuts.

“Yes, thank you”

You quickly scurry out of the waiting crowd, out the dinner and into the summer air.

2:25 p.m. If Jody would finally pick you up, the both of you might only be 10 minutes late to the game.

While you're waiting, you take a donut out of the bag and realize as you're eating that you don't have a cold ice coffee in your other hand.

"Fuck”

you really wanted that coffee, and by any normal logic you should just go back.

But the fear of embarrassment won. so you decide to just wait outside without a coffee, feeling the dizziness of the lack of sleep in your brain.

The day before was the last exam and you couldn’t sleep the whole night, because of your anxious thoughts that are so unjustified that it’s actually embarrassing.

you watched the cars drive by, as you wait for Judy to pull over.

Today was the last school day. Ever. This morning was the last morning you would ever be in a high school class room to study.

After waiting for a while you hear the horn of Judy`s car or rather her parents car, since both of you are broke and only one of you has their license.

"i forgot my coffee" you complain as you collapse into the passager seat.

"yeah but you didn`t forgot the donuts and thats the really important thing here" Jody happily takes the box full of donuts, out of your hand

"footbal games always stress me out" you rummage through your bag, looking for gumm or just something that will help your body through this hard time.

"i hope my exams were good" you tell her anxious.

"It was our last fucking day, dont worry about something that is over soon. Those last days don`t really matter no one cares"

"I do"

Judy scoffs, puting the donute to her mouth again, all while looking at the street.

"I know, thats your problem. Really, you need to fix that. Your grades are amazing and whatever college you wanna go to, will say yes."

Now you scoff.

"right then why haven’t they replied yet then?"

"because you were too anxious too send your application, you almost threw up in my room"

Your face contorts at the memory. Judy's poor cat hissed at you the whole time because you couldn't sit still at all.

"yeah sorry he gets like that, but not all cats are this easy to annoy i swear"

Your giggle fills the car and you share the last donute, as judy tries to find a parking spot which is obviossly not that easy anymore.

"goddamit those wild people are so greedy" her hands grab the steerig wheel harder, but theres simply no other free spot anymore.

You grow even more annoyed now.

The thoughts in your head take more space than you usually allow them.

The whole morning was shit, the whole day is shit and your life is fucked if you don’t get into university.

"i think we need to use the other one" judy says

"then we`ll have to run through the whole fucking school, were already late, Malik is playing!"

Out of the corner of her eye, she looks at you, thinking, and finally sighs.

"get out I’ll park the car" You immediantly regret snapping at her.

"you dont have to-"

she interrupts you (no suprise)

"bro get out of my car. It’s my fault we`re too late anyway and we both know im only here for the fries"

For a few seconds you hesitate, but then you grab your bag and the donut, and get out the car. Outside, a warm brise tickles your skin, now that the sun is shining right on your face. You pinch you eyes.

Judy dissapers around the corner and you wave, hoping she saw it, but the worry leaves with her because you start running towards the football field.

The whole row was full, every seat. You try to push your way through the crowd on the front, which didn't make it any easier because everyone was pushing forward against the bar to see better.

And it was so loud, every type of noises from every angle. This is your last game of course everyone will be loud, Jesus you’ll be loud, but the game hasn’t even started.

Arriving in the almost last row, Lyla waves to you and you sprint towards her.

"I don't know how you manage to save us seats, thank you so much," You almost scream, because the large group sitting behind her started singing the fucking national anthem.

lyla quickly hugs you and sits right back down. "I don't know how either, but here you go. Where's Judy?"

Her gaze wanders behind you to look out for her, as if judy is hiding behind you "Looking for another parking spot and getting us some fries"

You feel the light box in your hand and remember the one donut inside it.

“Here we’ve left you a donut”

“How generous” lyla replies smirking

Your attention turns to the football field. No one’s there.

“Everyone is still in the cabins, you're not as late as you think" she adds while slurping her milshake.

Malik is Lylas brother and a good friend of yours. Even Judy likes him, and that's saying something.

After the "incident" you tried so hard to find another group of friends, that one day it actually happened.

Which wasnt easy, before ellie you didnt relly need other friends. You also didnt want other ones. You always thought she felt the same way.

Her company, her words, her feelings and thoughts were all you wanted.

"Holy shit im not late!"

Judy's loud voice pulls you out of your thoughts. She quickly sits down next to you and hands you the large french fries package. You grin at her and pass them on to lyla. The loud noises became quieter and quieter, which made you hear the microphone voice.

"Dear seniors and juniors, After weeks full of learning and exams, one last football game with our beloved team and a guest team of their choice should be enough for you. I don't understand why you wanted to have this when every one of you’ve seen so many other games, but as you want. That’s the last one really though, please."

Judy giggles at the voice of the principal, but with empathy rather than mockery.

"Poor Ms. Servopoulos, juniors and seniors are not easy. The Other Class's prank surpassed everything"

lylas eyes widened at the memory. "Which of the 20 One?" She asks, leaning a bit over my lap to hear judy better.

"The one where they all had their tables outside at the_" Judy's bright voice gets stuck in the air, and she looks past me with squinted eyes in dismay.

You know why and didn't want to turn around.

But you do it anyway.

She wore her typical short baggy shorts and a red oversize t shirt with a fucking beanie , which makes her look like the love child of Adam Sandler and Jesse Pinkman.

You’d be happy to laugh at her if she didn't look so fucking good. But you chuckle a bit in your head at the Beanie, because it’s fucking june.

She looks down at you , just standing there.

Ellie has always been a bit taller than you. You might be sitting right know, but you still know That hasn't changed yet. You don't have to get up to be sure. You would notice if she grew even 1 cm. You don't know if she would still recognize that about you.

The familiar, soft and light brown freckles on her face. As a tween you always wanted to connect them, to find out how it would turn out. Or how she would look. Or react. You wanted to make her laugh so bad it hurt.

"Seth told me to bring this too you"

The Ice Caffee, with your name on it, is suddenly right in front of your face.

"Why should I accept it? It's already warm anyway" The irritated pitch in your voice cannot be ignored

Elie's gaze remains neutral, but there was some caution in her expression. "He forced me when I was paying, just take it and throw it away."

"Why didn't you throw it away?"

"Because im at a point where I listen to that old man for my benefits. Seth hates me already. He didn't even tell me about the senior special last week" she protests

You roll your eyes in annoyance.

"i dont give a shit about you or the now hot coffee"

Your argument became more intense, Judy and lyla exchanged glances but stayed out of it. You want to sort out your shit yourself and they know that.

"just fucking throw it away ellie!"

"No, I'm sitting at the top and have to go down all the fucking stairs and-"

"I don't care Ellie"

The people around slowly became aware of the both of you screaming, and you wonder for a second how strange you both must look right now. How you line up like little kids. But ellie also hurt the child version of you. God she has hurt so fucking many versions of you.

"just be happy that I’m even bringing this too you, i didnt really had to do that"

Her hand holds the plastic cup so hard in front of your face that it looks like it's about to explode.

The fact that she thinks she has a right to be angry with you bothers you even more, as you try to hold back your tears. You try to imagine her as adam sandler, screaming at you in this fucked up voice from grown ups, to make the tears go away.

"right i didn’t ask you to do anything, you decided to be so stupid and come over here"

she chuckles sligtly at your words, really pissed now. "you bitch-"

The last words never came out of her mouth. But the coffee out the cup. On your shirt.

Frightened, you take a loud breath in and stand up. Ellie has already put a safe distance between the both of you and her own mouth is open with surprise and startle.

Behind her stands a paralyzed Joshua, with his hand on his mouth.

"I swear, he ran into me...," she babbles desperately to herslef, waving her hands in the air, the empty cup on the floor now. Looks like the rest of the liquor soaked your shoes.

Yo didn’t let her finish. You mumble to lyla and judy not to follow you and that you would call them later. You grabbed your bag and Then left.

And you cried the whole ride home with your mom next to you. And not because of the coffee.

The smoke comes out of your mouth, you take the ciggarette to you lips again, and breathe in deeply.

If you smoke in your room, you always have to lean almost completely out of the window, now with the shadows of the trees falling in your face.

The light, split by the limbs, danced to the movements of the branches. There was a small and almost sweet breeze in the air.

The sun is still shining, but the golden hour is almost here.

You get goose bums on your arm as a cold breeze comes, and you put out the cigarette on your ashtray.

As you lie down on your bed and just stare at the wall for a while, the dark smell of cigarettes is still in the air. your parents don't care as long as it doesn't get into the rest of the house.

You grab a book from your bedside table and start reading.

"And when you at last find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter- they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped darek inside yous so long"

You close the book with a jerk.

Yes, maybe no sylvia plath for today.

The buzzing of your phone makes your head move to the side.

Judy: Malik won

Judy: Tonights a party at the beach, everyones going

Your eyes stare back into the void of your ceiling.

Ellie has had so much influence over you and your feelings for so long, that has to stop at some point. And with all the anger in you, you think that today it will.

You get up and stand in front of your closet, you rummage around to find something and you do. A t shirt that belonged to ellie.

Your fingers brush over the dark green material. It was a fucking normal t shirt. Except that it wasn't.

"Today it will stops"

You put the t-shirt in your backpack and look for an outfit that was well suited for the beach. In the end, you wear short jeans shorts, where your grandma had sewn in flower patterns years ago, With a light blue shirt it goes nicely with the flowers.

you: can you pick me up?

Judy: I would love too :)

You quickly brush your teeth to get rid of the smell of smoke. Outside, you can already hear Judy's honking. You sprint down the stairs with your backpack and look for your beach shoes.

"Where are you going" Your mother is standing behind you with her arms crossed. In her old cardigan, she looked like she did a few years ago and you almost get a déjà vu.

"A party, Judys picking me up"

"how long are you gonna be there?"

"Mom im going to be 18 in what now 4 days you dont have to ask me that anymore"

she scoffs

"yes i do and guess what? i also want you to text me So i know youll be fine"

Nervously, you look out to see if Judy's car is still there, maybe she thinks you've changed your mind.

"Ok, Mom, I'll probably go to Judy's and be gone till midnight."

Suspiciously, she looks at you from head to toe, but (luckily) gives in.

"okay but please call me if something happens. Be smarter than your brother"

Your body flinches at the mention of him. "Has… he called lately?" you murmur

She looked at the floor and you thought for a moment she was going to cry. "No, but maybe if you call him, he'll answer"

You nod, but you know you won't do it.

He doesn't care about you either.

~

"I'm proud that you're coming along" Judy and you are walking, with beer in your arms, towards the beach where a few people have already gathered.

"I mean, that was a great show, a few people definitely noticed it"

You sigh at the unpleasant memory. "Then that's the way it is, I think a few other things are going to happen tonight, that are far more interesting than a girl with coffee on her T-shirt"

"I hope so" A mischievous smile on her face.

You look around to find lyla and malik, But because of all the people, it doesn’t really work. You were sure that there weren't that many seniors and juniors, but that a few friends of others came along. There was a big fire and even a barbecue.

After wandering around for a while, you find the two siblings. They had already made themselves comfortable on the big blanket and had taken some alcohol with them, but the bottles will probably spread over the whole beach anyway.

"Finally I see you, everything ok with you?" Malik mentions as he stands up, giving you a vigorouslyhug. "Really fucked up what happened"

You digress with a wave of your hand and sit down

"im fine, but you won, tell me abou it!" You try to make your voice as shrill as possible to make it clear that you don't want to talk about it.

“oh yeah we won, I made a touchdown, obviouly"

"almost didn’t catch it tho" throws lyla into the round and you giggle.

"Shut up, we only won our last game Ever, Because of me!”

Pride, but also the quiet pain of the loss of his team, can be noticed on his face andin his voice. The reality that you try so hard to run away from hits you again. high school is over, real life begins now.

“whatever, im getting something to drink and then im gonna tell sam to put on some music” Lyla ties you back into the moment. "I'm going with you , I need a drink of Voda-Coke"

~

Later that night Mr. Brightside was what got you on your feet and into the crowd.

Mesmerizingly, the fire flares higher and leaves just light trail of smoke behind. Malik and Judy are now singing along loudly with the others.

All these people who so clumsily sing the song about a heartbroken man, as if they would die if they don't do it, carry the same fate with them. They will all wake up tomorrow with a headache and worries about the next day. as it is one day closer to real life.

Some have broken families or parents, complicated friends, grief and draining fear of the future.

Knowing that it was like that but everyone was still singing along motivates you to do it too.

"Here more vodka has to work not taste good" Judy pours more vodak into your cup, but misses more than ends up in it.

Now you just laugh, because why did you thought so long about everything, this night was a good decision.

"I need to dance like I physically need to dance"

She grabs Malik's arm as he pours more beer next to her.

“let’s danceee!"

Lyla stands next to you, grinning and sober, and you both watch her.

"he likes her"

Lyla explains

"I know" you reply.

“That’s fucked up”

She looks a bit worried, as she watches the two of them dance and sing, with her arms crossed

"is that bad? or are you the "dont date my fucking brother" type of girl, please dont be by the way its always a bit-"

Your brain is mush, your tongue works on its own and Lyla obviously didn't like that

"no of course not, i don't care about him or who he dates"

The light from the fire reflected on her skin, she looked like a painting drawn at sunset and you wished you had your camera with you. It would be a shot of a very sad girl, with a lot of repressed feelings that she will never explain to a human soul.

But she didn't have to, because you understand.

You once looked at someone like that, from a distance where these looks were not visible to the person, where they were safe.

Comforting her was your first thought, dumb decision because a drunk person comforting a sober one never works out.

"I'm sure judy likes you back"

Alarm bells could be seen in her eyes.

"shut up you don't know that"

you laugh but it sounds unstable.

“No your right I don’t”

It looked like a lot of fun, everyone singing and drinking away their worries, you just wanted to join the dancing crowd when you see her. Again.

Fast an quickly, just ignore her, act like you didn’t see her.

But your eyes lock with hers and your stomach sinks.

In that moment you wish you could just admit that Ellie will always be a part of your mind. Wherever you are, with whomever, she will always appear In your mind and she will haunt you.

The worst thing is that it was also your fault, you allowed this relationship to be far too deep and perplexed even though you knew that it was becoming too emotional.

Ellie's presence on the other side of the fire, fills you with all those deeply buried feelings, as if she dug them up with her own hands. As if you told her where you buried them.

“I really don't understand you two"

with a snap you arrive back on planet earth.

"what?"

"the both of you. starring at each other, like you're about to run through fire to be just a bit closer. Makes me want to puke" lyla repeats.

Disbelief and vulnerability spreads through your chest and all those lights are too bright, the music is too loud and Ellie is too close.

"It's ok to forgive, we don't even know what happened so be honest, how bad was it?"

brushing all those feelings off, or at least trying to, you turn around and disappear into the darkness.

In a kind of trance you push your way through the many people, a few call after you, and you are sure that you have run into someone. You just didn't notice anything about it.

You stop in front of the many cars. You used to drive with your father to the local supermarket or other short distances, but you're not willing to steal a car.

Your head turns to the right then left, looking for something, anything that will take you away from here.

Cars, skateboards and bicycles.

Without thinking about it, you grab an unchained bike and get on it. The adrenaline in your veins works on its own and has far too much influence on your body.

It took some time to get stable on it, because the tears in your eyes made it difficult to see. Nobody seems to have noticed that you ran away and that you are riding a bike that doesn't belong to you.

The road was pitch black dark.

The warm summer wind wipes your tears away, the bright street lights of the city can be seen in the distance.

You step on the pedals and realize that you have arrived on the local road.

Out of breath, you press your fingers on the brake lever.

Desperately trying to get your lungs to return to normal, mind concentrate on the outline of your shadow that was visible on the floor, because of the street lanterns.

You get off the bike in silence, put it down next to you on the sidewalk and sit down.

The pumping of your veins feels like electricity.

You could still hear a few cars in the background.

You brush away strands of hair from your forehead.

“Fuck” you hear yourself whisper.

The tears were just about to come back when you hear a car turning.

She still drives Joel's old truck.

The vehicle stops in front of your feet and you notice that some of the light green paint has rusted off.

That wasn't the case the last time you saw that thing.

Ellie slams the car door loudly behind her, so she looks back to see if everything is still fine.

The feeling of shame just bubbles out of you and drips onto the floor, as she steps in front of you with even louder steps.

your head lifts up just a bit, to look at her. Her nose is a bit crooked and she's breathing just as fast as you were a few seconds ago, it looks a bit like she was running after you.

“What the fuck are you doing”

Ellie Williams will always come from the far corner of the world and remind you that you will never let go of her.

The effects of the alcohol still had an influence on your brain, so you stay calm.

“calming down"

For a few seconds it's eerily quiet, for a moment you thought Ellie had left again, but the squeaking of her sneakers prove the opposite. Her body settles down next to you.

"You look really stupid, sitting here like that."

You scoff mockingly.

"yes, that's exactly why you're sitting next to me bitch"

"don't fucki-"

"Don’t act so innocent, remember what you said today before you spilled my coffee on my shirt”

Her head turns to you, sweet regret and longing in her moss green eyes. She scans the bike next to you.

"i think i stole that" the embaressment goes up your cheeks.

"yeah totally badass, but we have to bring that back later" she chuckles softly.

The bright beam of light from the lantern above you gives her face an bright tint , like the beach sun always did in the evening.

"sorry... about the coffee, joshua ran into me and-"

"Yes, I know you've said that before"

She drops her head. No idea why she's sitting here, but you don't mind. you just wanted to capture her and keep her close to you, like a butterfly.

"your brother called me" Ellie mentions it so casually that it shocks you to the bone.

He can even call her but not you. After she just sat down, you were as close as ever.

"what did he say"

"He wants us to come visit him."

Her pupils were large, but you assumed it was because she just drove a dark route and not because she was high. She's way too lucid to be high.

"why? and why the both of us?"

Ellie shrugs her shoulders cluelessly

"He said that we would like Florida, that he was getting a new apartment next week and that we should visit him. You didn't tell him anything about me?"

"I haven't told him anything Ellie, we haven't been able to get in touch with him for months"

You can clearly see from her expression that it makes as little sense to her as it does to you, which worries you even more. something is wrong.

You can feel how your hands shaking, you tried to tell yourself that your just cold.

"Alex said that he tried to call you and your parents, but the line never got through, fuck he even reached Joel"

You continue to shake and Ellie gently grabs your shoulder like she has often before, when you were lost in your head, when you were so afraid of roller coasters that you almost vomited or when you cried because Alex moved out 3 years ago.

Ellie's own security was always an anchor for you, when things got too confusing she strengthened you and even though you didn't talk to each other for almost a year, she still decided to tell you that your brother was fine.

That he wants you with him.

Sometimes, on the particularly melancholic nights when loneliness and nostalgia take over, you read Sylvia's poems and it just clicks. That all because this girl with her hair that is way too short and her pants that are way too big and her full lips, her unhealthy obsession with the universe and planets, exists on the same time as you.

“There’s gonna be a explanation or a reason whatever but just calm down for now okay?”

her voice is suppressed but still safe. yes the Ellie Anchor effect, fuck that shit

“Okay yes your right what the fuck”

“Yeah I can be right sometimes”

“ I Doubt that”

Her lips pucker upwards and yours follow suit. you are still too close to each other, it all feels too new and yet too nostalgic.

The old patterns gave your heart a little sting, you quickly shook off her hand on your shoulder. You clear your throat, thanking the universe or whoever there is that it's night.

Otherwise Ellie wouldn't have been able to miss your red cheeks. In your mind you beat yourself up because you still feel this way after everything she did.

"Show me your phone"

Your hand goes protectively to your back trouser pocket. "um no?!"

Ellie Scoffs thinking your joking, but when she sees that you’re serious, she laughs.

"just give it? the fuck do you think im gonna do"

"I don't know"

With a little nudge to your foot, she gives you that look again that shows trust and you give in.

"fine"

It's a little painful for you, this morning you had a mental crisis because of her, now you letting her scroll through your contacts.

"yeah, sorry to disappoint you, but this is not your bros number"

But that must be his.

Your parents gave it to you.

Oh.

"show me" you said firmly, having a really fucked up scenario in your head, about why this is the wrong number.

Ellie takes out her phone and shows you your brother's contact. chats, phone calls, everything is there. the one from this week too.

"this doesn't make any sense, I just- I don't get it"

"Your parents gave you the number?"

You nod, "My mom said, a few Months ago he had to change his number, in the beginning we texted a bit but never really called"

your eyes switch from her phone to yours to check the numbers again and again .

"After a few days, he didn't get in touch at all, with no one. We thought he was just done with his old life." you pronounce the words and your stomach turns.

Ellie's eyes stare thoughtfully at the asgap in front of you. You're helplessly trying to build up eye contact to figure out what you're thinking.

"I think they lied to you… He said something like this could happen" She says it so fucking sure.

You couldn't take in any more and you get up with your eyes are watering "What the fuck are you talking about Ellie" Your voice broke with the trust in your parents, even Ellie looks at you sympathetically.

"Alex said on the phone that he has been trying to reach someone from home for a long time, but it doesn't work. He was so desperate that he even called me and joel. Do you think your parents or your mom-"

you raise your hand to tell her not to finish the sentence. "Why… would they do that?"

She gets up and comes closer to you. "He mentioned that your mother said he shouldn’t call her anymore or you anymore, that even you don't him in your life anymore"

It feels like your whole past is falling apart, all the beautiful moments with your family, you even want the bad memories back.

"Hey"

Ellie's soft fingertips gently touch the back of your hand. Roughness was still there, she hasn`t stopped playing guitar.

"lets run away"

a/n: omg, the chapters are gonna be shorter next time and we’re also on the road PLS STICK W IT

(and reblog😍)

anyways if you’ve come this far ur a real survivor thanks 🫶

@yourelliewillms @bready101 @liasxeatt @darkerstarsstuff @elliezato @crxmxnzl-c0rpzes @lovelyxbaby @yalaysbee @macaroni676

[kentosbabes]

More bf-gojo? I loved the perfect combination of fluff and smut bits. ★

your wish is my command!!! hope you enjoy :33

Bf-Gojo who loves when you surprise him at work bringing him some lunch and just keeping him company till the end of his shift. Sometimes if you had baked batches of cupcakes or cookies you would bring all of them sharing them with people all around his building, Gojo just admires how kind and considerate you are as you offer your freshly baked goods to his employees. He would sometimes leave things at home and calling you acting all stressed just so you come and join him helping to relive his stresses in more ways then one.

Bf-Gojo who now joins you when you have an 'everything day'. He's sitting on the counter as you carefully paint on the face mask onto him, your brows furrowing with concentration. It gives him another excuse to stare and admire you for longer. He is also surprisingly good at painting your nails so you let him paint yours as you gossip to him about the drama in your office and friend group and as much as he hates to admit he gets so involved and even begins to share his own gossip.

Bf-Gojo who enjoys exploring the city with you going in and out of art galleries and museums. His hand in yours as you talk him through the art on the walls explaining in detail the backstory behind each one. If it was anyone else he would simply tune them out but with you he listens intently taking in every detail. He adores how smart you are and praising you the whole time your in the gallery. 'Your such a good girl you know that right' he would whisper in your ear the grip on your waist tightening ever so slightly as you exit the building.

Bf-Gojo who gets more cocky knowing your the most perfect girl and knowing your all his just boosts his ego so much. 'Oh your so smart, the way you talked about those paintings got me so riled up' he'd say kissing down your neck as you bounce up and down on his dick, 'Your so perfect and you all mine. isnt that right darling?'. only able to whimper in response Gojo smirks at your fucked out state. His hand grabbing onto yours and placing it on your lower stomach so you can both feel how deep he is inside of you.

Bf-Gojo who babies you when your sick. He's pulling out all of the stops running you hot baths, cooking you soup and watching shit tv with you never leaving your side until you feel better. Gojo defiantly calls Nanami for help asking him for the best remedies and how to get you feeling better asap.

Bf-Gojo who secretly loves when you praise him, even just when you say how proud you are of him once he's completed an important presentation or saying how good he is when he helps out with making dinner. Your words going straight down to his dick till he cant take it anymore and having his way with you. 'f-fuck toru your s-so so good to me' your praises only making him harder and he knows its going to be a longg night.

Bf-Gojo who does anything and everything to make sure your okay. Your heels are hurting to much? he will carry you home so you dont have to walk any further. Your having a hard day at work? he will be there picking you up and helping you unwind in a steamy shower.

Bf-Gojo who cant wait to meet your parents, although he's nervous he knows how much they mean to you so being able to meet them only furthers his desire to wife you up a soon as he can.

Bf-Gojo who teases you about the way you like your coffee, 'I love you but thats coffee not tea doll why you adding so much sugar and cream' he would say as he sits sipping his black coffee. He laughs at how defensive you get calling him the weird one as your cheeks begin to redden at his teasing.

Bf-Gojo who wants to just spend everyday with you cuddled into him as he draws patterns up and down your back, and when you get up to grab a drink your ass pocks out from underneath his top and he can just sit against the headboard hands behind his head admiring his perfect girl.

part 1 here

masterlist

[robbybirdy]

Genshin Baking Therapy - Matcha Power Cookies

Hello, every birdy. Nice to see all of you. I can’t wait to share this recipe with you. 

Now onto the character and the recipe.

The Character - Yelan. 

Yelan is a character that I like the look of, but I don’t think I am every going to get her. She would be great with Yoiymiya or even Dehya but I just dont think that I would get her. When I first say her I thought she reminded me of Yor Forger from Spy x Family. Just the vibes she was giving off in the Chasm. 

The Recipe - Matcha Powder Cookies.

My sister has always loved green tea. One day we found matcha tea, and we knew that it would be on the shelf for a very long time if we didn’t grab it. And she was like “Robyn, can you make me some Matcha cookies?” 

As many of you know I don’t back down from a baking challenge. I do my research. I usually try and find a recipe that won’t break that bank. So I found this recipe, and it was the simplest recipe that I could find. And say that with all sincerity. When it comes to baking I love simple recipes that I don’t have to rewrite just to understand it. And yes I have done that before. 

About 30 minutes before you are about to bake place your butter/margerine and eggs on the counter so it can get to room temperature. Trust me, you want to do this step. I know that in the past I might have told you that this step is not that important. Oh but it is. If you don’t do this step you are going to have to mix a lot longer. And the consistency just isn’t there. 

The first thing that you are going to do is preheat your oven to 350 degrees. You can either line the baking sheet with parchment paper or you can spray it with non-stick spray. 

The ingredients that you will are:

1 Stick unsalted butter which is ½ cup (also if you don’t have butter, you can always use margarine. And I will give you a little hint, I only use margarine. And I haven’t heard any complaints yet.)

1 cup of sugar

1 teaspoon baking powder

⅛ teaspoon baking soda

½ teaspoon salt 

2 room temperature eggs 

3 tbsp matcha (if I made this recipe again I probably would reduce the amount. Always look at the notes bakers have on their blogs. They are usually helpful. I read them afterwards and I am just look “OOOH that is why xyz failed.” So always read the notes.)

And then for the rolling of the cookies you are going to need 

¼ cup granulated sugar

½ cup powdered sugar 

And if you want an additional 1 teaspoon of matcha

You are going to cream together your stick  of butter with  sugar. To this mixture you are going to add in your baking powder, baking soda and salt.

Add in the eggs and mix until it all comes together. I like adding in my eggs one at a time so that I know what is going on with the texture. 

Now you are going to want to sift the matcha into the flour and pour it into mixing bowl. Sowly mixing so that all of the ingredients are incorporated. And so you don’t have a major green mess you have to clean up. 

If you want the extra teaspoon of matcha add it to a plate of powdered sugar and set it to the side. 

Using a cookie scoop, or two normal teaspoon spoons scoop the balls into about 1 and ½ tablespoon balls of dough. This measurement relative. Just go with how you are feeling. But let me remind of something important. Matcha has caffeine. 

Roll the balls in the granulated sugar and then the match and powdered sugar. 

Place them on the baking sheet and bake the for about 11 minutes, or so the recipe says. I am sorry, it is nothing against the recipe author or anything. But when making cookies I always start with 8 minutes, and add time if needed. Because like my mom has said for many years and I am starting to say “ You can always add time you can’t take it away.”

If you like green tea, these cookies are for you. If you had a Shrek themed party you had to make something for real quick this recipe would be perfect. Also you have to remember that Matcha is tea. And it has caffeine! DO NOT EAT THIS AFTER DINNER! I speak fro experience. My gosh, having seven people not being able to sleep because of something you made feels bad. 

The results of these cookies is a little half and half. Some people liked them and some of us didn’t like it. It all depends on your thoughts on green tea and the flavor. 

Do you like seeing the list of measurements in the post like this? Or doesn’t it make the post longer? Let me know your feedback. 

I hope that you liked this recipe.  Feel free to check it out for yourself. See you in the next post. Thank you.

[spamgyu]

you know what fuck you !!!!(wats the point of anonymity if its gone already *sigh*) i present you Adrian Lee

no body knows what he does he can be seen taking the music class early in the morning and also the advanced mathematics class too every one is equally in the dark as to what he does (architecture major!!) talks to alexender sometimes and will never use his nick names exception being only when he is drunk. everyone thinks he is very smart and bro is smart like why does he know bernauli's principal even tho he has nothing to do with advanced phy ?? is secretly an otaku has a mikasa body pillow back in his house that he adores but never brought it in the dorms cuz he is v embarrassed tundere bitch will never accept he is in love with you but will do anything and everything for you like watch notebook and twilight with you (personal opinion both r shit)

prides himself for the movies he watches and will give you a thorough analysis of the movies only guy who understands vernons movie taste and needs to have a movie night every friday and during this time he slowly with extreme calculation tries to manipulate you into giving up on those shitty movies you watch and make your movie palate better bro knows 5 languages korean chinese english french and italian and his goal in life is to learn greman and russian cuz you told him you wanna learn them and he wants to be so good that he can teach you them bro is so smart that he finds faults and fixes your assignments even though you both have very different majors once took an iq test and it came out as 150!!! oh did i tell you he also has a secret soundcloud acc and he produces songs too goes by the stage name ryan bro has a pretty good side hustle which gives him damn good money prolly is the richest in the group

has a pretty few good popular songs under his belt also helps the theatre kids with their songs for their musicals will talk about politics and importance of performance arts in politics (dk doesnt understand shit but he listens) did i mention that he hates anyone who is not his friends group is universally knows as the groups misandrist like bro is filled with so much hatred that he fulfills the group's quota!! so imagine everyones shock when he gets a girl to dote upon and plus he has to be the first guy who introduces a girl to the group claims that he doesnt give a fuck about their opinion (he does) would slowly stop talking to you if they didnt like you plus absolutely hates introducing you to the group cuz like what if one of them take you away from him but realizes that if you are with him you will hate anyother guy cuz he is just one of a kind and his group of frnds is too stupid to snatch you away from him but now 1 prob what will he address you as cuz like he is head over heels for you but cant say that to you plus his frnds pester him about your relationship and now he is scared is secretly the most most romantic person in the whole world has written atleast 10 songs about you all stored in his hard disk but will never let you know is always stuck by your side cuz you are comfy ??? will feed you and buy you cloths ... like bro where is the money flowing from (you dont know about his side business although you know he makes music but dont know he sells them) will never pay during the friends dinners cuz like they dont deserve his money for stuffing their faces like cows (mannerless brutes dont get his hard earned money wasted on them) but if one of them get hospitalized or for any emergency related to money will not even think twice before giving his money sponsored dk first acting gig 🫡 they want to return his money but he is like its chill and pretends to not know what they r talking about to they give up defo goes out of his ways to help his frnds at any situation will also lent an ear if they want him to but sucks at giving advice will just buy them icecream the next day absolutely loves his friends to death too!!

will take your pics at any given point of the day (has 15 diff folders with only your pics)

yes he payed for it

will defo help you for finals and still score full in his subs

did i mention u have been soft launched in his insta too

was pulled out of his cave to be taken to the hangout bro whined the whole way and claimed to hate it but loved it in reality -and my rant ends here

fuck me???

actually..... just read the whole thing.....

yeah fuck me that shit was so good 🤞🏼��

im laughing at the first guy to introduce a girl into the group bc actually probably yeah LENWMFME

[goldenhickeysandramen]

Thoughts..

I've been a bit busy with real life lately 😂 Altought I didn't get to see the latest Festa events until last night… I already had some thoughts piled up....

To whom it may concern :))

The fist and most important....now that the Festa has already finished, can someone explain to me why on the 10th anniversary the boys who are still with us couldn't gather together?

Why the schedule was to do separate things? the fuck...

We fans know they are in chapter 2. No one was going to be confused by seeing an ot5 or ot4 vlive. Or a dinner.

I know they didn't have to, but striving for doing things separately, when they clearly see each other almost every day (NJ dixit) .....

I love Stray Kids and I'm enjoying their come back a lot. It's been a little over two weeks and every day there's a performance or music event, fansigns, videoconferences, behind the scnenes and they've already released 4 MVs. It's very refreshing… and by comparison, a bit sad. It makes me realise, even more, the lack of content from BTS and their members.

(And I am not only referring to this chapter 2)

Second thought is that I just saw that New Jeans have announced their CB on July 21st, and their pre-release on the 7th.

I find it very difficult that JK will release his album in July (in the middle or just after NJ), unless Hybe doesn't care if their artists overlap (I know, I know what happened last April… but we're talking about 1 week difference).

Third thought. Tae and Jennie pretending they don't know each other at the Bruno Mars concert, as if we didn't know they are lovers, seems pretty sad to me too.

Even understanding that it's some short of protection against the future release of Tae's album (dont make his fans angrier)… the truth is that it seems ridiculous …

Let's see… if what happened in Paris "didn't happen" for some fans… what could have happened yesterday if they had gone together, with their shared friends,ñ???? It probably wouldn't have happened in the eyes of the fans either 😝 Stupidity is rampant in fandom…. I'm sure there would have even been a few likes for those who said they were cosplayers 🤣🤣

One last thought on jikook… They are daily training in Hybe (Namjoon dixit) and seem so happy lately…. And here we are suffering this drought without seeing them…. LOL Manifesting to see them at Suga's concert together!

[hirik0]

In his shadow part 2

part 1

Young Nik/Price

Nik POV

Nikolai tryed to get the attention of his father for years, he finally stopped with 12. The despreate need to get his father's approval turned into a game of how much he can get away with, when he's apearing on the radar of his father. With 12 his mother died and Nik realised he wasted the littel time he had with his mother, to get the attention of the parent that didn't care about him. So when puberty hit him and he figured out how sex worked and that you can attracted to man and woman? Well he got the attention he so deeply wantes from sex with strangers. Often with much older people that didn't care that he was still a minor, some even payed him, to stay silent or because they saw him as a whore. That's how he got involved with dangerous people, the mob, radical political groups and in the end the leader of the group he wants to join. The older man is charming and attractive and it using Niks very obvious daddy issues for all his advantage.

The job was suposed to be easy. Break in, get the documents or distory them and leave the building. But it looks like he is not the only one interested in the documents so the guards caught him red handed. He runs up a fly of stars, 5 pisst, armed guards are hot on his heals. He takes a left turn and it's to late when he realises he should have turned right. He has to dash down the long hallway his only chance to get away is the, by dumb luck, open window. If he survives this he need to do more cardio and stamina training, quite smoking and drinking and start eating healthy because his lungs are buring and he will have the worst soreness in his legs tomorrow. He dont even looks down from the window, more falls out of it then he jumps, but thank fuck there are some plant to land in. He didn't land on the plants, he realises half way down. "Shit, fuck, god damm it, fucking shit.", he curses before landing on something that at least softer then the floor. He looks down at the man in a camouflage uniform, probaly one of the fuckers why the guards are that alerted. Well atleast they did one good think. "Thanks", Nik says to the man before jumping over the plant running towards the forest, rather planless but well getting away from here is more important then a full plan. He will figure it out.

He dont really pays attetion to where he's running, just away from the house. Stomping on every plant in his way. He knows he didn't to a really good job at hiding where his running, but he honestly don't even know in what direction he's running. He's basically lost at this point. He hears footsteps behind him, fuck, he needs to run faster. He looks over his shoulder and the guy he fall on is getting closer. Fuck the guy runs fast and his nose is still bleeding. He grins at him nearly running in a tree because he is not looking forward. He can hear the other pant already shit, feeling that something is brushing his back, the other man is catching up. He turn right, hears the other slithering over the floor. The short lead he made that way is basically useless.

He trys the same trick again, but a left turn this time. The other crashes in to him, the fall to the ground, rolling all over the floor. He finally is able to crush his elbow in the guys face, only hoping to hit the injured nose. It's a dirty move, but he has places to be, when he figures out in which direction places is. He is abel to get on one feet again about to lift the other up, when he's pulled back. Fuck. They wrestel on the forest floor some more before he's pinned down. The man with light brown hair, is rather attractive, what dont help him at all. Blood is running down the others face, from his likely broken nose in their tossel he also got a bleeding eye brow. With every breath blood from is bleeding lip is running in his mouth, his right eye pulsed, will likely swell up soon. The position they are in is very sexy in a other scenario. "You know normally get dinner first, before I let people do this with me", Nik says, winking with his uninjured eye, his brain to mouth filter non existing. "Usually I do the pinning down it's a intressting change." The other man looks at hum uterly shocked, his mouth dropped open, maybe it's his imagination but he has the feeling the cheek of the other turn a littel bit reder. That's his chance he head buts aiming for the nose, but the other dont let him go. "Motherfucker", the othe curses in English. "Who do you work for?", Nik asks. "Who do you work for?", the other man asks back with the worst accent he heard. "British huh?", Nik asks before they continue to stare at each other in silence. Fuck, the assumed brit is low-key attractive.

Someone is aproaching them. The man that is aproaching them has a union jack on his jacked. Conformation for his theory, but what do they want with the files hidden in his jacket. "Bravo-3 reached Junior and..." Junior, that's what you call a child right? Oh fuck did he got caught by someone barely over 18, he looks at the older man again not paying attention to the rest what 'union jack' is saying. The man still pinning him down looks displeased by being called Junior, that maybe can become important later. A few minutes a third man is approaching them, patching them both up, Nik so he can claim he fought against them trys to bits the medic? in his finger. They sit there for a while the brits all very professionally looking if anyone else is on their tracks, staying silent. Nik nearly gets a heart attack when 'union jack' is talking in his radio. "Understood Bravo-0 see you there."

Oh god, when are they finally there? They walk for forever already and do they have to walk this fast? His legs are already sore. It's clear that, they need to hurry up more, because gets picked up and thrown over a shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "Fuck you! I can walk perfectly fine, you fucking tea drinking asshole. Let me down, where are we even going? Is this even legal?", Nik curses only getting a laught out of union jack. "I like that one Price, good catch." Oh Juniors name or real callsign is Price, he deserves his bloody nose ruined his easy job. "Thanks Sir." When they reach their goal he's thrown on the floor of a helicopter, is eyed by 4 more britisch soilders. "So that's our thief?" One asks. "Gave Price a good fight", 'medic' sniggers. Oh Junior is not liking this, Nik can't help but smirk at this.

[youareunbearable]

Modern Slim AU where Maglor, for the clout, creates a dedicated side tiktok account where its just cameos/thirst trap videos of his Stupidly Hot Older Brother Maedhros just doing like... normal things but maybe he has his sleeves rolled up (to show off his arms) so they dont get dirty while cooking Ambarussa dinner, or helping Nerdanel lift some marble/stones/busts in her workshop, and the one with the most views and comments is the one where his long red hair is up in a messy bun and hes got an apron on overtop of a soft looking sweater and little baby Tyelpë on his hip and he's talking into his cell phone about some political thing for their grandfather. The audio is (obvi) covered over with the song "Guy.exe" meme

It's stupidly popular, everyone loves this stupidly soft beautiful man. Fingon has followed the account since Maglor first started (as did most of the siblings and cousins) and shows up sometimes in vids. One of the most liked ones is where Fingon looks to Maglor and the camera, goes "No matter what, if I throw myself at Maedhros he will catch me in his arms" and then takes a running leap at Mae (who is talking to their grandfather in some important looking political office, he's wearing a suit) who panics, turns to basically body block their grandfather and catch Fingon. The caption is "and then Maedhros yelled at us for 2 hours straight"

For their 2 mill followers Maglor gleefully takes requests in the comments. Maedhros, who was aware of the account but thought it was so stupid that he never really interacted with it, was bribed and blackmailed into actually interacting with their viewers one (1) time.

The video, which has the most views and went viral, to Maedhros' mortification, is a video of Maedhros himself in a maid costume with little ginger cat ears holding notecards. Behind him, armed with pillows and ready to strike if given any hesitation, are Celegorm (a full grown man) and the two gleeful (teenage) Ambarussa twins. He reads from the notecards a set of phrases paid for by the highest donations. Its a few shout outs, some memes, and the video ends after he pauses, frowns, looks at Maglor behind the camera and goes "What is an OnlyFans and why would someone pay just to ask me to make an accou--" and he is cut off by Celegorm and Ambarussa beating the hell out of him with their pillows. Maedhros annoyed yell is cut off my Maglor scream-laughing behind the camera and the video being cut just as Maedhros twirls around, ripping Celegorm's pillow out of his hands and goes to retaliate, skirts twirling a little too high but nothing is seen.

[regryrth]

#drdtdevappreciation

Im so proud of how you all as a fandom handled this so well 💙 I know things are still pretty shaky in places and no one can rlly say this problem is “solved” or “forgiven” unless DRDT Dev specifically says so (which I dont mean to say they should or have to comment on anything, I know they mentioned theyre nervous and now uncomfortable interacting which I understand and accept responsibility for) But it really makes me happy to see how for the most part We’re turning something bad into appreciation. So for the fandom here. I appreciate all of you.

Even the ones who mightve gone too far. Just like me u had good or at least non malicious intent. Which turned out bad but there are still ppl who respectfully understand where youre coming from. Maybe its not wanted- But I appreciate and care for you too. I dont know how youre handling this all, But if its anything like how I did, I hope you understand nothing is ur fault just like how people have said it’s not entirely mine and not DRDT Devs. Even if it wasnt the best thing u couldve said in the moment. I understand u didnt want to harass anyone. It was a mistake made cause it’s human to act emotionaly have opinions and want to be understood with that. That can make ppl say and post things online that get deserved back-lash like I did. And the things u say can seriously hurt people like I did. I cant say how anyone else feels with everything thats happened But if Im right about everything so far. Its okay. To me at least which I guess isnt much. Even If u dont feel real remorse- You feel u were justified- But just dont want to be lectured in paregraphs over and over. Thats ok to me too. No one has to be completely justified in how they feel and it would be hyppocritical of me to say u do. And you shouldnt have to be looked at as any worse then the rest of us for stating your mind. Ur a great DRDT fan and person too and no one should claim any different for anyone. So while no one can throw around the word “forgive” for an incident that isnt ours to forgive- I “understand” u.

On a lighter note- The people who defended DRDT Dev without harassing anyone. U all acted so maturely in response to everything I honestly envy u a little. Does maturity and not making mistakes like these come one by one for you? When I make mistakes like this I feel like something with no real sense of right or wrong- Then I mess up and ppl come out to tell me where I went wrong and the “right” thing to do- And I piece together all the life lessons and “right” responses little by little until I feel safe with myself. Like a kintsugi piece. And like the cake in chapter 1! Did u have to do the same? I wonder if everyone experiences this. But thats not so relevant to appreciating you- So thank you for seeing every side. Even mine. Thank you for taking this whole situation and turning it into something good for everyone. We should talk about stuff like this more- While I still wish I hadnt posted that confession Im happy with whats been made of it- Even if the damage was still done. Because disrespecting and dehumanizing creators like DRDT Dev who put themselfs through so much to make wonderful content for us is never ok and to sweep it under the rug Like nothing ever happened is even worse. I know I requested the original post be deleted But Im ok with it being up on other blogs and posts because its important to hold stuff like this accountable and talk about it. And u guys did just that which is why Im so proud and thankful for u. This isnt a Thanksgiving dinner But u all deserve to be appreciated for doing good things too and supporting DRDT Dev.

And that brings me to who I appreciate the most- DRDT Dev. Everyone has said it so perfectly already I cant think of how to say it myself. But theyre so strong for going through all this. With their health. And going through and finding things like what I said. And other things none of us know about because they work to prioritize us over themself. And yet they still dont give up. They still keep going even with everything. They dont have to do this. But they do anyways and we should all appreciate them so much for that. Because sometimes we forget they and there team are human- I forgot that too. Doing things like my confession and taking their work for granted and other things is never ok. Im so happy we can do something to share our appreciation for DRDT, DRDT Dev and their team. Bad things and arguments and DRDT Dev being hurt by me had to happen first. I wish it didnt and that fandoms would give this much love and support to their creators without some incident happening first. But Im happy what happened let us appreciate the dev for there work now. And even if the DRDT Dev doesnt create side content anymore because of this- Its alright. They shouldnt have to push themselves past their boundaries or limits for us cause they already do so much. Even if we dont know much about them- We know enough to say theyre a wonderful person and we all love their content and them so much.

I know a lot of ppl apologized on my behalf and I suppose I wrote a longer apology to DRDT Dev and the fandom. But Ill say again as the anon themself- I am deeply sorry DRDT Dev for what I and others have said and done. I hope that you are well. And that youre able to see our appreciation through these posts.

I love you all 💙

[i-luv-carl-grimes]

☾꙳all the things I hate about you꙳☀︎ pt.1

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Chandler Riggs x Fem!reader (he is 16 and you are 15)

Summary: you recently got booked for a acting job playing a character in the walking Dead, it just so happens that you play the love interest for a character named Carl Grimes played by Chandler Riggs, you soon realize you two hated one another

Warnings: swearing

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Hello my darlings! This is VERY important so please read. Okay so this is part.1 of a series I will be starting I'll try to Update as much as possible but I hope you enjoy<3

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I walked out of the studio where I was auditioning for a character from the walking Dead, I was over the moon about it! I mean there we're only 3 other girls there so there was a really good chance I could get the part, and maybe I am getting my hopes up but the thought of meeting CHANDLER RIGGS I couldnt help but kick my feet and laugh like a little girl.

I was a HUGE fan of Chandler, I mean I've been watching the walking Dead since I was 8 and Carl was my favorite character, that's also when it hit me

Omg, if I get the part, I'm play his love interest and once again I felt my stomach fill with excitement and again I shoved my head in my pillow and let out a scream, once I calmed down I grabbed my phone and seen that Chandler had Twitted I opened it and see that he was talking about the casting

@chandlerriggs

I just seen the new casting, it'll be out tomorrow afternoon good luck! And check your emails

Chandler always seemed so nice, his streams were always funny the clips of him and even his interviews he just seemed so...i don't know how to put it, lovely? Yeah I guess. "Y/n! Dinner!" my mom said and I turned my phone of and almost skipped down the stairs, I NEEDED this part

"How did the auditions go?" my mother asked as I set the table. "Not sure, all I know is that if I get the part I will freak out" I said sitting down and she put f/f (favorite food) on the table. "I know how much you love that show and that boy, what was his name? Carl? Anyway when do you find out if you get the part?" my mom asked. "Chandler Riggs the actor for Carl said that they'll be out tomorrow afternoon" I said shoving food into my mouth. "I really hope you get it dear" she said grabbing my face and I gave her a soft smile. I hope so too.

After I had finished eating I said goodnight to my mom, put my hair up, brush my teeth and washed my face all before I jumped on my bed and grabbed my phone to see another twit from Chandler

@chandlerriggs

I'll be streaming at 8:00 pm for a bit, and PLEASE do not ask me who got booked for the audition, I can't say

I realized it was already 8:12 so why not? I opened the stream and seen Carl playing minecraft. I then seen Carl's eyes move to look at chat when a question popped up about the part I had auditioned from.

@/therealone: what are your thoughts on having a love interest

"Hmm I'm not sure actually, its cool I guess, I just know that the rest of the cast it gonna be a bit annoyed also, guess who was able to pick" he said then pointed at himself. "I aware there were 3 girl who actually got to do the audition but only 2 made it to actually being picked they wanted me to, why? I don't fucking know, I think they wanted me to pick who would look the best with Carl so I did, and I think I picked right but we'll see" he said and for some reason I felt anxiety rise in my chest, what if I was let go? What if I was the girl who didn't make it, I then started to type

@/(u/n)(username)

I look forward to maybe working with you!

I said and I seen his mouth curve. "Maybe huh?" he said, what was me implying, did I get the part? Was he messing with me? No he wouldn't, would he? My god I dont know anything about him, sure I thought he was cool but I don't really KNOW him know him. My anxiety grew and I sat up when my phone dinged

(F/n) (friend name)

Hey n/n (Nick name) I was wondering if I could come over and see if you get the part, that alright?

N/n

Sure! God I'm so nervous about it

F/n

Don't be! If you dont get it I'm gonna beat the producers ass, anyway get some sleep, I love u and good luck!

N/n

Ty f/n/n (friend nickname) I love you too good night

I then went back the Chandler's stream and leaned back resting my head on a pillow. Me and f/n we had been close for YEARS I honestly don't think I could even get where I am without her, but that's just the thing, there filming in Georgia and I just so happen to live hours away in y/s (your state/country) , so if I do get the part then we will no longer be neighbors, but that's also one of the reason my mom wanted me to get the part because we had family in Atlanta

"Also, one more thing before I head out, to the girl who did win, before you worrry about moving, I hate to tell you this but, your mom already knows we told her as soon as we know who we wanted, so we already gave house recommendations and I'm pretty sure you'll move in 2 months from now, anyway bye and to the new girl see you soon" he said then ended the stream,

I wish I'm the girl he's talking about, and with that i plugged my phone in and layed on my side, I needed this please just please I needed this. I slowly fell asleep even though I was filled with both excitement and exstream nervousness.

- (time skip) -

"Y/n it's already 9 you need to get up F/n said she was on her way" my mom said the walked out of my room, I groaned before I sat up and stretched before completely getting out of bed, I then walked over to my closet I grabbed some pajama pants and a black tank top (if you don't like the outfit just out what you like<3) something basic and simple for the possibly the best day of my life, that's also when worry once again filled me as well as the memory of what Carl said. 'Your moms already know' MY MOM KNOWS!? I put my hair half up (again if u don't like it just think of smt else) and ran down stairs

"Mom!" I said rather loudly and he turned with a worried look on her face. "Did I get the part or not? Chandler said you knew" I said and she let out a deep breath. "Y/n this is something you have to see for yourself" she said I then went down to sit on the steps. Thoughts ran through my head about everything that could go wrong till I heard the doorbell ring I got up and opened the door and F/n brought my into a huge hug, I returned it without hesitation. "You okay?" she asked and pulled away to look at me. "A little nervous" I said giving bet a small smile. "Well I mean one little email could possibly change your whole life, of course you are" he said letting out and airy laugh . "Geez what am I gonna do without you" I said referring to the fact that I had to move if I got the part. "I dont know, but I do know that you'll still be everything to me" she said, her voice was soft and reassuring. "Thank you f/n/n" I said and we hugged again she then pulled away and got comfortable.

"Did you eat anything yet?" she asked and I shock my head. "If I tried I think I might puke" I joked and she chuckled. "Well whatever happens happens" she said and I nodded then went up stairs to grab my phone

11 am

Just one hour

"Y/n! Hurry upp" I heard f/n yelled and I went back down stairs when my mom stopped me. "I am so proud of you" she said and I smiled. "Thank you mom" I said and she turned back to what she was doing and I sat down next to f/n waiting till I got the email that would either ruin or change my life I began to pick at my sick, something I picked up from my mom when I get really scared and Lord I wasn't just scared I was horrified.

"Y/n I got it" my mom said and I shot up. "Read it please" I said and she

"Y/n l/n we are-

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So? What do you think? Should I continue this series? If so please let me know!!

꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳

[just4notherd4ydre4mer]

Sibling headcanons [1/3]

(you are here) -> PART 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

Important note: To the person who requested this, I will be splitting this into 3 parts so its more doable... and bearable to read through. Sorry that just these two took so long :') Enjoy tho!

content: [gn!reader], [olderbrother!kageura], [olderbrother!ninomiya]

status: unedited/not proofread + requested

character(s): Masato Kageura, Masataka Ninomiya

warning(s): mild cursing. Uhhh... likely wont be proofread? I dont think they're too OOC, but Kageura might be...

extra: Masterlist

(reader is around 10 years younger in my mind but its written in a way where you can imagine the age gap as whatever)

~~~

Masato Kageura:

Ur probably one of his favorite people tbh, if not THE favorite

Why?

because ur emotions towards him arent so prickly AT LEAST 60% of the time

Puts up w whatever antics you do and might go along with it

But also gets fed up w you so quickly

He's aggressively protective? Kind of.

Kage knows when you're upset w him due to his side effect

When he senses that, he usually does try to talk to you.

100% hates it when ur angry or upset towards him for more than a day.

He does his best to not have outbursts towards you

Always encourages you to stand up for yourself and gets absolutely pissed off if you dont.

He'll defend you despite that though

Will scold you when he's done

"Why're ya mad at me this time?!" He groaned in frustration, turning to face you.

The annoying, prickly sensation was crawling across his skin. He knew it was coming from you, the only other person in the room.

You glowered at him from your spot on the couch, right across the room from him.

"..."

"..."

Kageura gave you a narrowed eyed look of which you returned.

He apologized, "Alright, damn... Sorry for making a scene earlier."

"Good," you said.

Someone had bad mouthed you for outfit choice and the both of you had heard it. Kageura had expected you to at least give them a stern look but you didn't do anything. So, he stood up for you like a good big brother would.

Masataka Ninomiya:

He isn't as cold and arrogant towards you as he is to everyone else

But he is blunt and is still kind of an ass

Personally, I think he wouldnt be the best older brother, but also not the worst.

Would probably hurt ur feelings tbh LOL

and he'd mean it

If ur the type to friendly to everyone, it annoys him

He wont tell u tho (the one thing he wont bring up)

Ur still ur own person after all

Are u talented in something? Anything?

Ur not his sibling anymore /j

Ok but seriously, in his trivia it says he hates ppl with talent lmaooo

I have the feeling that if u are, he doesnt subject you to his opinion about that but always has that icy stare whenever he see's u doing whatever it is

You call him "Masa" and he doesnt care until you say it in front of someone, especially if they're from Border

In the end, ur his younger sibling and he treats you accordingly

Maybe buys you gifts for special occasions... but always gets u smth for ur birthday

Idk, he's just not the greatest sibling out there.

It was your birthday today. Everyone had wished you a happy one throughout the day. Well, everyone besides your own brother. But what could you do? It was the Masataka Ninomiya after all.

After his shift at Border, he dropped by your room. Usually an unexpected thing, but he seemed to remember that he had a younger sibling when it was your birthday.

"Here," he said with his normal blunt tone.

You didnt question him and simply took the item (pretend it's smth you've wanted for a while now). It wasnt even wrapped up...

After silently swallowing your subtle displeasure, you were thankful in the end, "Thanks Masa."

He ignored this nickname and began to walk out.

"Dinner's ready," he said from over his shoulder.

You suddenly couldn't help but wonder what his reaction was when he found out he was going to have a younger sibling. An amusing thought crossed your mind. It would've been really funny if he had actually made a face of worry or discontent. You were definitely going to bring it up to your parents during dinner.

~~~

to be continued...

word count: dont feel like looking

start: 7/04/23

finish: 7/09/23

a/n: gonna be honest. just these two should NOT have taken this long. the procrastination is hitting me... I PROMISE PT2 AND 3 WILL BE OUT SOON... <3

[xi218]

୨୧ goals ୨୧

Physical: working on being sober, ab workout routine, getting into bed earlier, not snacking so much, wearing the clothes you're saving for a "special occasion", trying out new looks and clothes, venturing out new styles, upgrading your basic hygiene routine, drink more water

Mental: journaling daily (or near daily..), decorating pages, keeping track of emotions both negative and positive and what triggers them. Get rid of the negative triggers and bring in more of the positive triggers.

Emotional: getting in touch with a therapist, dedicating a journal to release you emotions instead of bottling them in, interpret dreams, talking to friends when things upset me

Professional: working 1 hour more than usual, dont wake up and finish work before class

Personal: find your old hobbies (crochet), discover new ones (shirt making 👀), trying new food even if im nervous, complimenting people out loud, making an effort to hang out with friends when opportunities present themselves, limit youtube time

Finance: learn how to budget, no impulse spending, watch videos about making money with art and follow through

Important habits to have: waking up and going to bed early, using planner, having a morning and night routine but the freedom to change it/ leniency with myself if i dont stick to it

Important skills to build: how to communicate my own needs, learn what the line is between sharing and dumping (rather than choosing to bottle everything ive ever felt lol)

schedule ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭ ੈ♡‧₊˚

So you've picked your goals. Great. Now take a look at your schedule and figure out what things are taking up most of your time. Is it a long commute? Spending too much time scrolling on your phone? Waking up late? Going to bed late?

୨୧ time blocking / schedule:

☆ Mornings:

5-6am: exercise

6-7am: shower, get ready for class / library

7:30-8am: library for breakfast, get ready for the day

~class~

☆ Evenings:

get back from class, shower immediately, change into pajamas

eat dinner

finish homework

plan the next day, journal, go to bed

Assess how you spend your time and utilize it. Instead of scrolling on your phone during your free time, spend time with your loved ones (pets, kids, partner), instead of staying in one place while you're on a call, walk around to get steps in, there is always a way to implement your goals into your daily life.

Notice how I say fit your goals around your life. You don't want to be taking away important things like errands, jobs, school, being a parent just meet your goals- no. Use your time wisely. That's all. You can fit them.

On the larger goals like taking up a class/large skill, like dancing and painting. On fridays, you'll have dance class and on other days that you have free, you'll be painting a piece or reading your anticipated book, learning a language, trying out a new recipe, planning the next day, taking a spontaneous art class, etc!

Weekends.

Because I work a lot, I like to use weekends to really do deep work. Intensive study sessions. And because I deep work (work with no distractions) I don't need to study all day. I'm getting so much done in little time that I'll be done by the afternoon and I can go out and do errands, get all dressed up and have a nice day out in the city, or just have a relaxing day by doing chores, watching a nice movie and more!

3. Setting up a system so you can actually stick to those goals.

Keep a journal to keep track of what you did today. If you didn't reach a goal that day (and that's okay), ask yourself why? and how does it make you feel? Then take action on what you can do to reach it tomorrow.

i think post its in planner should be effective

Switching. We all know it’s best to not push yourself so hard. For example, don’t do intense exercise everyday. Walking and dancing throughout the day counts as exercise too, so by switching (depending on YOUR goals), you’ll have time for your other goals as well. Here is an example: on a rest day of no exercising, maybe that day is the night I have a ballet class. That is exercise as well. So instead of exercising in the very early hours of my day, I can use that time instead to do more studying OR have more time doing something else.

which means I can do one do the following: spend more time with my pet, read a few pages of my book, make a new recipe, etc.

Ex. 4am-5am - on a no-exercise day, i can study during that time instead. 6am-7am - more time to tackle my other goals.

Create a foundation. If you have an amazing day, felt very productive and accomplished, what's a habit that really helped? if you had an off day, figure out why and maybe your foundation can help.

★ That’s all!

[spiked-mall-goth]

ummmmm guys. i have had a day let me tell you. super long diary like entry lol

i had to get up early to go see my papa and help him move some furniture, and although i was running on a total of 2 1/2 hours of sleep i was excited. he lives out in the city and its about an hour and a half drive but the highway is completely surrounded by trees so that was a fun ride. listened to lots of music and talked about barbies with my dad. we counted 21 total yard sales on the trip.

got home and ate lunch after unloading some beds. my papa wanted some old twin beds out of his house so we took them home. i have a new mattress now!! which hopefully means far less daily back pain!!

after lunch we decided to go to a few of the yard sales we passed by. and let me tell you i got a HAUL. i got a pair of really nice pajama pants that have little skulls on them, then at the next one they had SO MUCH STUFF!!! like guys.. i got a sweater for 25 cents.. GUYS. i got a little black sweater, a flowy black summer top, a fucking black velvet CAPELET, and the most gorgeous black 80s prom dress; although sadly it does not zip and needs alterations but its WORTH IT!!! it has really big poof sleeves and a massive flower sash omg guys its AWSOME. at the same place i also got a little fake ivy for my kitchen :D it desperately needed a little life, a big ass puzzle to work on with my brothers, and they had MOUNDS of vhs tapes... for FREE. soooo uh yeah. may or may not have come home with like twenty new tapes. oh yeah did i metion that i only paid like a total of six dollars so far?? i made out like a Bandit. final yard sale and the woman was like 'uhhhh $1.25.'. so for a $1.25 i got a peanuts drinking glass (i think from mcdonalds..), the entirety of firefly on dvd, and a ceramic angel. normally i do not go for religious imagery in my decor, but. it was like 102F.. i hadnt slept since my two hour night.. i was severely dehydrated.. heat exhaustion was setting in a little bit.. and i dunno, she just called to me. she reminded me of laura palmer.

okay, so i get home and unload all my of goodies, then i start cleaning my room. i have to disassemble my old bed frame and clean under my bed and shit. i already have a pounding headache at this point but i have schedule to keep. beds gotta be moved b4 tmrrw. so i am FIGHTING trying to get the frame apart, i'm all sweaty and gross and i finally get it!! :D i feel some stuff falling over behind me and b4 i can even look up i get whacked right upside my head loony tunes style with a huge metal beam :( i start feeling kinda funny and i vaguely remember talking to my brother who told me to lie down. i pass out cold and hard on the couch for about an hour. vague memories of seeing something in the room with me. not really important i just think you should know.

wake up to my brothers shaking me to make sure i havent DIED. i lived! yayyy!! ate dinner, and then it was time. i have been looking at this online auction for over a week now and it was ending in a matter of minutes. i did when some some stuff! i got the directors cut of JTHM, revenge of the filler rabbit, and some other comic which i cannot remember rn.. but anyways it was 5 bucks! and then i bought a snoopy wallet for a few dollars. although i did miss out on a clear phone.. so sad. but overall i had a very good shopping day today idk why. everything just like fell into my lap at affordable prices... like wow..

after the auction i still had not moved my new bend in (ya know.. bonk on da head) so i fight forever to get it put together. but yippeee!!! its al here! and i was given a new blanket to put on it which is very soft :3

anyways now im here after showing and watching x files for a bit.

if you read all of that.... wow. ily <3. i normally dont like to just like info dump about my irl daily stuff, but today was just so like action packed it was kinda bonkers. anyways i have to go to bed bc i have more stuff going on tmrrw.... and i honestly might just cancel them.. i am TIRED.

[hannaswritingblog]

HI SIS BESTIE MY DEAREST DEAR MHUWA

OKAY so about that suggestions. I have few, but in case u won't accept it, I just send it all in one ask. If there is anything u like, then I will just send another ask with only that one request or something <3

(oh and im everywhere seeing reader as she but u can make it non binary or sth if you would like!!!)

OKAY SO LETS GO WITH THAT

Neville Longbottom (HP, 5 year) x reader - with prompt "Do you find me brave yet?". I have that idea that reader comes to him after that fight ("The Battle of the Department of Mysteries") and his nose is still broken and he feels sorry that that propercy was destroyed bc of him, and Reader comforts him and maybe,,, idk, maybe he says something ala "do you at least find me brave now?" and reader says that she always thought of him as brave bc he is Gryffindor after all and she knows him since second year,,,, or something like that :D

Penguin (gotham) x reader - it would taking place in season 2, when he was still at the top, and reader would be a second most important person to him after his mother, anddd he would go to her and ask her to go to his place on a dinner and he would just, ya know, flash his well-being to reader, and to her it would be silly and cute and there would be smooch on the cheek from reader bc hes the best heheh

Jim Hopper x reader - it would take place somewhere after season 1. He and reader are fbw, and fic is about Jim visitng him, but this time with flowers and wearing his fabulous flanner, and asking her on a date in a 'hopper way' (whats that mean? idk maybe 'if I read the signals wrong then you won't see me again." bc he wants to sacriface himself all the time omg). cute cute

Susan Pevensie x bestie!reader - its day after valentines and both girls are talking about all these chockolates susan got from boys, while eating the same chockolates. Susan probably would feel little bad for eating them, bc she doesnt feel anything to these boys but reader is like 'nah, we dont want to waste them right" and so on

Edmund Pevensie x gf!reader - they are going on a costume party, and at the moment are still at home, and edumnd is going as a king, and reader as a queen and Edmund says something cheesy like "you would be perfect queen for me" or idk just,,, I mean he would think that he would take her as his wife in Narnia when he was a king there, right, and would somehow say that aloud. ANYHOW they would end up beeing blushy mess bc it was so sweet

maybe you will like something hehe

ILY BESTIE MHUWAA 💜

HEYYYY SIS BESTIE!

It's actually good that you send me all the suggestions in one ask - it would be okay too if you send them separately, but I probably won't be linking the asks in suggested fics anymore, so I don't need them that way, and it'll be easier for me to have this just one post. So don't worry! And you don't need to resend anything later (unless you have any new ideas, you can send those!!! haha)

For the reader's gender, I decided I'll write with the female reader more often so it's okay if you see it this way too, but there will be exceptions and I can already see one of your ideas would be an exception. We'll get to that in a while though :D

For the ideas, I really love number 1 and 3-5. Those suggestions are therefore accepted. :D I was going to go into detail why but I feel like I'd be just repeating myself. So yeah, I'll just say that. I'll put them on my to-do list in a moment. ;)

For suggestion 2, I think I'll have to reject it. As much as I love Penguin and Gotham... I don't know, I don't really feel it at the moment. I might come back to it later but not now. This is the idea I'd likely write the gender neutral reader though - coding the specifically as female would feel wrong to me. I won't go into much detail since I don't want to spoil things for you, but people who have seen season 3 probably know what I'm thinking about.

But yeah, 4 out of 5 suggestions are accepted and I actually feel inspired for them so that's good. I should work on everything in the next few days, as well as on my own ideas. As I said, if anything else crosses your mind, you can also send it later and I'd love to give it a thought. :D ILY too 💜

[jokeson-u]

here is my rant/review on the movie bros so spoilers below the cut

look. i didnt hate it. it was funny. but most the laugh out loud funny parts were in the trailer, and werent as funny in the context of the actual scenes somehow. there were still definitely really funny moments outside of that but idk i was expecting more. also billy eichners character bobby was funny and all but god i hate people like that (which was awkward cus i have my sister next me whispering about how much she relates LMAO).

but in terms of my more serious issues with it.

1. there was several graphic sex scenes and i guess 1 was kinda of good to keep, but the others were sooo unnecessary imo. like 1 was funny ig but 1 was just like ... ok.. anyways.. and listen. listen. i understand especially from the opening scene and the rest of the movie basically that part of the point is gay people should havent to make themselves more palatable for straight society but my GOD i have never seen a straight romcom that explicit and idk about u guys but it seemed to be marketed as a more or less family friendly movie. like a take ur parents to it bc we're trying to normalize gay people in mainstream romcoms, ya know?? no. NO. do not bring ur parents. and i guess i sound like an asshole about that because yea queers shouldnt be marketable to hets but idk man.. its just so not a good introduction to normalizing big screen lgbtq+ movies like this bc as a queer person i was uncomfortable and id imagine the straights even more so and YES I KNOW WE SHOULDNT CARE but we cant be like 'see gay romcoms are for everyone!' and shove unnecessary and uncomfortably explicit sex scenes that dont belong in any movie esp one thats marketed the way it was.

2. i was actually sort of confused because i thought one of the main themes in the story was that the mc bobby was like. overly 'woke' i guess and really critical of everything, mostly from an lgbtq perspective. then there was the love interest aaron who thought bobby was really overly cynical. there was multiple instances in the movie where bobby would kind of ruin the mood by complaining about how something is homophobic in some way or another, and aaron or another character would kinda be like ..... and . i really thought one the things we were supposed to be following was how aaron helps bobby balance his views more. but. that never happens. like, we get more explanation on why bobby feels he has to be critical about stuff but like he just continues to basically be a buzzkill about shit and aaron just has to accept it and idk. i feel like the rest of the direction was really weird if the point wasnt bobby becoming a little more leveled??

3. ok so. this was one of my bigger issues i guess. i need to give some plot background: bobby and aaron agreed to 'not date' but basically end up dating for a while. aarons family comes to the city for christmas and bobby is gonna meet them and aaron asks him to just sort of be a little chill with them bc theyre accepting and all but yk. theyre his parent and bobby is really intense about stuff. bobby doesnt really take kindly to that even tho he acts to aaron like he gets it, and basically like. brings the family on a tour for the city and talks about the craziest shit like "oh this is where the first sex something something idk happened" "this is where the dyke march happened" stuff like that and aaron gets pissed at him and is like dude can u please just tone it down and bobbys like "what u want me to be less myself with them?" and aaron is like "?! kind of rn yes." and bobbys like ok fine. and they go to dinner and bobby gets into an argument with the mom who is a 2nd grade teacher about teaching lgbt stuff to kids that young and everytime they agree to disagree he keeps going and then goes on a tangent about sex positivity being important to children and how when he was a kid and his parents took him to some show where there was naked men and he literally just kept talking about their penises and how many penises he saw and oh my god. after the night ended aaron was pissed at him and bobby got so mad and was saying how aaron is just like everyone in his life whos tried to make him hide who he is and stuff. aaron tells him hes leaving to meet w a guy whos into him. bobby finds them making out which yes was wrong of aaron but technically they were both making a big deal from the get go that they werent relationship people and stuff. the rest of that half of the movie for aaron is basically having to make it up to bobby and apologize for making him hide himself??? and the only time bobby apologizes is after aaron has to again and again and says he felt bobby was talking about all that stuff to his parents on purpose and bobby said "i was. im sorry for that." THAT WAS HIS APOLOGY??? Im sorry but like yes be urself and if aaron loves how intense u are somehow great but theres a fucking time and place. dont fucking cross ur parnters boundries bc u didnt communicate ur issues with them, especially when it isnt that hard of a boundry to not cross. i just really disliked the framing of it. sorry but yea if my partner was really inappropriate or excessive about complaints about straight people and was meeting my parents i WOULD ask them to be chill and id fucking hope they wouldnt jeaprodize my relationship with either them or my parents by being like 'well i wanna say whatever i wanna say to anyone i want so i dont care if my partner is uncomfortable with these topics in front of this audience.' like even aarons brother finds out and is like dude u gotta make it up to him. what????? that shit really bothered me as someone who has been in scenarios similar to that with my friends

[alchemiclee]

lee rambles about girls and pathetic boys instead of working on things they should be getting done instead 👉

i'm aroace in some part of that spectrum so this probably isnt super deep or important, but i've noticed a silly pattern when it comes to my preferences:

girls? yes. all of them in general, any kind or style. masculine tough girls? yes. tall strong girls? yes. cute pink girly girls? yes. spooky goth girls? yes. cool androgynous girls? yes. all of them. very good. let me hold your hand and make you some tea and serve you dinner and rub your shoulders after a long day at work and play with your hair until you fall asleep.

men? hmm. mostly no. but sometimes one worms into my interests. 99% of the time being fictional characters (1% of the time being yoongi from bts and eunkwang from btob based on how i perceive their personalities, views on life, and passion for what they do. but theyre only fine since i dont know them irl)

my view on enjoying men is are they pretty, cute, soft, sad, weak, pathetic, vulnerable, lack authority, the embodiment of a wet soggy wet cat, or any other similar type of characteristic? basically the opposite of what society expects men to be? then they may become a worm in my mind.

i've come to the conclusion that I generally enjoy women doing their thing in any shape or form and like the idea of us equally existing together without gender roles being a part of anything. while my brain wants to see and treat a soft, pathetic man the way men normally treat women in society lmao. in reality, I prefer everyone to stand equally...but there's also something very good about a man in a traditional "women's" role if that makes sense. feminine-leaning man who is very soft and pretty and cute and who has none of that masculine authority our society gives free to men. I don't think these kind of men exist, or at least i've not seen any. so that's why I 99% of the time don't enjoy men irl and only enjoy a few fictional ones that I can twist into this very tiny specific box I have set for them.

is that weird? maybe. do I have some kind of problem? possibly. does it matter? no, because i'll never push this onto a real human, only fictional boys. love me a soggy wet cat boy that I can offer a corn chip to and lure him into my house in order to dry him off and wrap him on a blankie and he wakes up the next day glowing with housewife energy and has breakfast ready lmao. there's just something so good about seeing a man in the place they normally try to force all women into, idk. I have no explanation for it. all I can think is men make me generally uncomfy so I must strip the "man" off of them while still acknowledging their identity as a man fhhdjjejkefhdh

meanwhile, girls get to be free-range I guess and the only requirement is be a good person (unless they're fictional, i'll give them a pass and enjoy them anyway lmao)