#i dunno my anxiety was through the roof for the first bit

[itsahotminuteinbetween]

some doodles from @sneeblbop's magma-mostly just gitm stuff and my truman show au brainrot

sandman belongs to @/venomous-qwille

[machinegunbun]

concept: so i know we think of colson as this really rough guy when it comes to sex, but what about soft!dom col where he's strict but caring, and maybe the reader even has a bit of a praise kink. ❤❤

Omg yess

word count: 1.3k

A/N: sorry theres not a lot of smut, my brain got to wandering and I didn't feel the horniest so maybe pt.2? tons of fluff tho and its good to be back :)

Okay, so.

I'm thinking maybe reader has a past that left them uncomfortable with intimacy, whether from a relationship or otherwise. They're still super into freaky shit, but they need to feel comfortable first.

Does that make sense? Like, they need that safety blanket there first.

So obviously at first meeting Colson was scary, because to an outsider (especially early kells) he's this chaotic, sex machine.

It's clear to everyone that Reader is obviously attracted to him, and they are. They love the idea of doing all this kinky stuff with him, and at first Colson being Colson comes on kinda strong with the flirting, which makes them a little nervous to pursue anything.

But, one day, reader is hanging out with the gang (I imagine she's friends with Ashley [ that is his assistants name, right? God, it's been so long ] ) Maybe they're at a restaurant, nothing fancy just something where you seat yourself, and everyone squeezes into a booth, deliberately leaving no room for Colson and Reader, pointing to a two seater across the way.

You sit just far enough away from the group that you're out of earshot, and you can see them peeking the heads up and around the booth to try and catch a glimpse of what you're saying.

It's awkward at first, you're expecting him to drop some flirtatious joke that makes you choke on your drink, but instead he asks you how you met (whoever you're connected to in the group.) You tell him the story and return the question. He opens up about the fact that they're a day one, and even tells you about some of the stuff they went through together, good and bad. It's the first time you'd seen Colson not crazy or off something. He wasn't kicking out a windshield or hanging from the roof by a metal beam, he just was.

It was then that you realized the difference between MGK and Colson baker, and that before today at this restaurant you'd never met the latter.

Colson was able to express himself a lot better than MGK ever seemed to, at least when it came to you. He inquired a lot about you as a person, but the moment was ruined when you were in the midst of exchanging deep personal stories and Rook shot his straw wrapper at Colson and it bounced off his forehead and into his drink. Colson stood to return the favor, his story completely abandoned.

You didn't get a chance to speak to him like that again until two weeks later, when you met up once again in his hotel room. You were both sat on his bed watching spongebob, waiting for Rook, Slim and Baze to return with the bucket of ice. It wasn't a secret to anyone what they were doing, it didn't take three grown men to find an ice machine.

You didn't mind though.

Colson made you a little less nervous now that you'd seen him as someone other than the party animal you'd come accustomed to on stage. He was actually pretty cool, and really funny when he wasn't stressing you out with his antics.

When you asked him if he would finish his story for you he looked surprised.

"Oh, wow. You remember that?"

"Yeah, of course I do. It feels like the first time I ever really got to talk to you." He seemed uncomfortable at first, but continued with his story nonetheless.

The conversation flowed effortlessly until you began talking about how you always found Colson so interesting. He did things that terrified you like they were nothing. You admired his grab life by the balls attitude, and somewhere along the way of your ranting you opened up about how nervous intimacy made you. How most of the time the only way you could ever get off was by masturbating.

You hadn't even brought it up with him in mind, but the relation clicked immediately for him.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry."

"No, it's really nothing," you laugh nervously "I think it's just anxiety, I dunno. I'm paranoid."

"No, no. I'm sorry for the way I always talk about you— To you." he corrected "I never realized it made you uncomfortable. You always seemed into it, but I should've been more considerate and I'm sorry. I never would have— If i'd known I was making you uncomfortable—" He rambled

"Colson, it's fine." You cut him off "I mean, I am into a lot of the same stuff as you, It's just... I tend to like the concept a lot more than the reality because I am worried, and I need to feel safe before I can even consider something like that."

Colson must've really taken the conversation to heart, because he treated you a lot differently after that. When he'd heard that his loud onstage personality made you a little nervous he was sure to cool it when he was around you. He made sure to address you directly more often when you hung out in groups, whether to joke with you or as a conversation starter. He hadn't realized how uncomfortable and ostracized you'd been feeling in the group aside from your connection to it, but he was determined to change that.

It took a little bit, but eventually you really were comfortable with him, even when he was acting wild. You realized that being an anxious person and being around someone loud like him that you didn't really know was a little off-putting. Large crowds were hard enough for you, but with constant abrupt movement and noise it only worked to make you more anxious. Once you knew Colson a little better it didn't bother you as much, and he even helped you to become a little more comfortable and a little less anxious.

So when you found yourself in his hotel room once again, finishing the tail end of a family guy episode, you decided to make your move.

You weren't really sure how to start. Not with Colson.

You managed to awkwardly snuggle your way into his side, to which he gladly obliged, but you both remained silent apartment from the episode flashing on the tv. Glancing up at Colson, he stared blankly at the TV, glimpsing down to you momentarily to see what you were looking at him for. Your eyes returned to the TV soon after, your hand finding its resting spot just above his XXX tat.

You could feel Colson's chest shake softly with laughter. You tried to remember what had just happened in the show, but you were so busy anxiously devising your master plan to seduce him that you completely blanked. You could feel your heart beating in your chest. All you wanted was for him to blindfold and tie you to the bed and fucking own you. Everything about him drove you crazy. From his voice to his tats to his eyes to that fucking hair. God, you wanted nothing more than to have him between your legs while you tugged at those beautiful curls.

Your hand drifted lower, your nails scraping softly across his skin. This time he audibly chuckled.

"Are you tryna fuck me?" he asks, causing you to blush. It wasn't that you thought you were being sly, but you didn't expect to be confronted like that.

"I-"

"You're good, it's cute that you're shy, I just don't fuck with that teasing shit so, unless you wanna get yourself in trouble..." Although the words were harsh, his tone was soft. Things progressed quickly after that, your lips meeting in a heated kiss to your hands pinned above your head, his mouth moving to your neck as he whispers in your ear

"What's your safe word, princess?"

~*~*~*~

taglist

@kidtheekid

@cclynn88

@lonerlee

@madisonmgklover22

@bakedcolson

@triplexdoublex

@chokemeshaw

@myfatbottomedgirls

@friedwangsss

@rumoured-whispers

@sunflowerbebe07

@nichmeddar

[poochiray]

The week of February 27th

So this week has been pretty busy for me.  I had work, for one.  Then just being general mom.  Plus, I also play World of Warcraft and I raid competitively on two different raid teams.  And there just so happens to be a new raid tier released...so yeah.  Y’know what that means?  I gotta spend most of my free time in game, getting my toons up to par or actually raiding.  I literally raid every day except Sunday.  Is it nuts?  Yes.  But I’ve been doing it all expansion, and I can’t just quit now.  Especially for my secondary team, given I’m now an officer in that guild.  

So yeah.  This doesn’t really lend me to much time to watch/read stuff.  But I still managed a few things.

Watching

Not Me  GMMTV OFFICIAL​​

Ya’ll.  I succumbed.  I’m sorry.  I just couldn’t anymore lmao.  My anxiety has been through the roof and I needed something to distract me.  So I literally watched all 11 episodes in two days, and I don’t regret a thing.  I had heard nothing but praise for this show, and it certainly met every expectation I had.  The only negative thing I’d say about it was it seemed like the episodes were so short!  I just wanted more lol

This show has one of the best stories from any BL I’ve watched.  And I just love the general aesthetic it has.  The gritty, dirty look.  I didn’t think it’d suit such an adorable actor as Gun but no.  It’s perfect.  Then there’s our cast of characters, all of whom I absolutely adore.  I loved First in The Shipper, but he’s just as cute here playing one of the gang members.  He makes Yok’s relationship with Dan 🔥  Like those two literally made me scream.  Yok has some of the best fucking flirty lines and I’m here for it.  I’ve developed a cop kink.  So thanks for that guys.  They are just too much. 😩

So, hot ass side couple.  Great story, great visuals.  Then let’s get to the main drawing factor for me and that’s OffGun of course.  Literal perfection.  We all know these two have the chemistry, years of practice, whatever.  And it’s quite apparent in just how they fucking look at each other.  Especially the first look we get of Sean.  Like Jesus, dude.  You can kill a man looking that way. 

So Sean and Black have this sort of frenemies relationship.  They are friendly enough in that they are in the same group, but they certainly don’t like each other.  And poor White, who’s impersonating Black, just has to balance between being his brother and himself.  Like, he can’t be 100% Black because he has moral dilemmas with that, and he’s a little softie at heart.  Then enter a “there’s only one bed” moment, and Sean slowly changes his tune regarding Black.  It’s wonderful watching Sean realize just what exactly is going on, and their feelings for each other just feels inevitable.  Just too much chemistry to simply ignore it. 

Then we get the angsty bit of Black waking up and taking his life back.  Finding out his brother got with Sean (as him) and just...yeah.  That scene in episode 10 was so fucking heart breaking.  But you know in the beginning, that some shit is gonna go down when Black wakes up.  I just wasn’t expecting it to be that...I dunno.  Violent?  Depressing?  Awful?  But it really did help hammer in just the stark difference between the twins.

And that brings me to Gun.  Like dude, wtf.  How can he play both brothers so convincingly that I know immediately that’s Black--or that’s White.  Gun gave me fucking chills with his portrayal of Black.  Literal chills.  I mean, I always thought this little guy was talented..but his acting in Not Me is just next level.  

Anyway...all in all, great series so far.  I’m excited for the next episode for tomorrow.  Definitely a top BL for my list.           

KinnPorsche Official Trailer  Be On Cloud

Why the hell am I putting a trailer here?  Um.  Yeah.  This fucking thing literally broke the internet.  And I’m still not over it.  I’ve watched it at least 8 times already and send help, please.  I’m obsessed.  I loved it so much I sent it to my sister and husband.  Husband still hasn’t watched it.  I think the thumbnail alarmed him lmao.  But yeah.  I’m happy there’s gonna be another BAMF gays show I can watch after Not Me.  This one looks hella amazing.  

And well, the only other things I ended up watching this week was an episode of TharnType 2, Enchante, and the latest Cutie Pie episode 3.  Not really a lot to warrant much to talk about.  I’m just really loving how Cutie Pie’s pace is on their story.  It doesn’t feel too slow or boring.  And I’m so excited to watch the moment Kuea realizes he actually was drunk making out with Lian. 🤣

[damnedparker]

an understanding

pairing: obi-wan kenobi x reader (gender neutral; no y/n)

warnings: buncha angst, sad obi-wan, deals with grief and loss

summary: as the two of you grow together, there is one constant of support between you and obi-wan; understanding, and the comfort of each other’s hands

also posted on ao3

this is kind of short but that’s okay. someone give obi-wan a hug

I.

“You took my spot.” You announced your presence, although you’re sure Obi-Wan already sensed it, as you had been standing at the entrance to the roof watching him for a few moments already. The both of you often came up to the roof of the Temple, finding your way up here when you were just beginning to be padawans, sneaking out at night together to get up to whatever shenanigans you pleased before someone inevitably caught you. From then on, you had learned to be more careful about it.

When Obi-Wan didn’t answer, his head still turned towards the night skyline, you came to sit next to him. You could feel the anxiety and grief radiating off of him. Another nightmare tonight. If he had even gotten any sleep at all. Not only could you sense his tired state, but he was also visibly shivering, but seemed to be ignoring it.

“Stars, you’re freezing, Obi,” you murmured, shrugging off the cloak you had fortunately thrown on before climbing up to the roof. You wrapped it around the both of you, squishing yourself against his side. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing,” He scoffed, uncharacteristically bitter. His eyes were glassy, clearly having cried already, and not far off from succumbing to his tears again. “I miss him. And I know I’m not supposed to be dwelling on it like this. I have to train Anakin and I’m not ready. I’m not ready to be a Knight. Everything is moving too fast.” You bit the inside of your cheek and wondered if he could hear your heart shatter for him. The Force had dealt Obi-Wan the worst cards in existence it seemed, one after the other, rushing him into the responsibilities of a Jedi Knight and the grief of the loss of a mentor all at once, and far too soon.

“I miss him, too,” you laid a comforting hand on his cheek, a tear slipping down and landing on the pad of your thumb. You gently rubbed it away, sighing. “Qui-Gon was so proud of you, Ben. He trusted you with his wishes because he believed you could fulfill them. He was confident in your competence and skill as both a Knight and a mentor.”

“How do you know that?” He whispered, screwing his eyes shut. Pieces turned to dust in your heart as you watched and felt your closest and dearest friend in so much pain. Pain that he knew he shouldn’t be letting consume him, which threw guilt into the whirlwind of emotions he was already feeling.

“I felt it,” you tilted your head at him in sincerity. “I heard it. Every time he spoke to you, about you. You were his son, as you think of him your father.” You slid your hand to his jaw. “No one would be ready for the position you’ve been put in. But, Obi-Wan,” you dropped your hand into your lap. “You can do this. If anyone can get through this, you can. You’re the best of us all.” Obi-Wan turned away, staring out at the stars again, his hand immediately reaching up to where his padawan braid had been just days before, now gone at his passage into Knighthood. Not knowing what to do, he rubbed his shaky palm against his pants repeatedly, trying to wipe off the clamminess that wasn’t there. Without thinking, you reached down to touch his hand. He immediately took it in both hands, beginning to play with your fingers, occasionally running his thumb over the back of your hand, which seemed to ease his nerves. “You’re not alone,” you took this moment to remind him. “I’m here for you, always.” Obi-Wan turned to you then, locking his eyes with yours in desperation. In hope. An understanding passed silently between the two of you as you pressed against his side, your hand still in his, and leaned your head on his shoulder. Care. And love.

II.

It was a cloudy night as you walked mindlessly around the halls of the Temple, which were empty and abrasively quiet. That did nothing but spur on your nervous headspace as you continued pacing, pulling your cloak, which was actually Obi-Wan’s, closer around you. You hadn’t given it back to him yet from your last mission together, where it had gotten chilly on the journey back to Coruscant, and he had given it to you as a blanket while you slept. Your thoughts trailed back to him, and a blush crossed your face at the thought.

Before you knew it, you had ended up at a certain familiar door in the hall of living quarters in the Temple. It was as if the brief passing thought of Obi-Wan had steered you in his direction out of pure instinct. You stared at his door for a long moment, and just as you raised your hand to knock, the door whooshed open to reveal the man that had crossed your mind only briefly, his shoulder-length hair tousled, clad in only some lounging trousers.

“Are you alright?” His eyebrows drew up in concern, clearly feeling your distress grow strong as you let your already withering walls fully drop around him. “Come here, dearest.” He pulled you into his quarters, leading you to sit on his bed with him, where a mug of tea sat on his nightstand, his holopad laying near his pillow. It was late at night, but it wasn’t a surprise that the man was still awake. It was a wonder how he functioned when he rarely slept. Before you could protest, he stood and began to pour you tea of your own out of the batch he had already made, pressing your own mug into your hands. You managed a small smile in thanks to him, a sip from the tea providing you comfort, but not nearly as much as his presence. “What’s got you pacing around the Temple this late?”

“I dunno, I—” you sighed, shaking your head. “This war, the council, the code, everything just feels like too much right now. I’m thinking things I shouldn’t,” you paused, running a hand over your face in frustration. “I don’t even know what I’m thinking anymore.” Obi-Wan laid a comforting hand on your back, urging you to go on. “I just can’t help but think all sides in this war are flawed, including the Jedi, and not just the council’s decisions. The code as well. Everything is just so—so completely twisted. And unfair. It’s tiring to see.” Tears burned at the back of your throat, thinking of all the injustice you had encountered, but not had the resources to fix over the first few months of the Clone Wars that had already transpired. Jedi were peacekeepers, meant to help, but how could there have ever been peace, even before the war, if so many societies were struggling to survive?

“I don’t disagree with you,” Obi-Wan mused, sliding his hand away from your back to rest on the bed behind you. He stroked his beard thoughtfully. “Nothing in this world is perfect, especially when concerning war. It’s good to have skepticism, it is what keeps things in balance.” He watched you fondly as you stared down at the warm mug in your hands, deep in thought as you mulled over his words. “We are doing what we can, and I know that sometimes it may not feel like enough, but sometimes that is all we can do. It is all that you can do, and you do more than most, darling. It is unfortunate, but even the Jedi cannot fix everything. You cannot fix everything.”

“It doesn’t feel like it, Obi,” you sighed, setting your tea aside next to his on the nightstand. “I just hate all of this.” You clenched your now empty hands in your lap, so tightly your fingernails pressed into your palms.

“It will be alright,” he told you softly, sincerely. “You are not alone.” Obi-Wan reached over and placed his hands over your fists, gently massaging them open. His warm palms touched yours, thumb running over the side of your hand to soothe you. You almost stopped breathing when he raised his head slightly, leaning forward to press his lips to your forehead. The affection warmed you all over, your stomach twisting in the most pleasant way. “Do you want to sleep here tonight?” A smile crossed your lips as you nodded, remembering when you were padawans, and he used to sneak into your quarters at night when he couldn’t sleep, begging to share your bed with you. It was a miracle you never got caught.

Obi-Wan left briefly to put away your mugs, and you took the opportunity to slip underneath the blankets and get comfortable. He returned only a little after you had settled in, flicking off his lamp and sliding in next to you. There were a few unsure moments of stillness before you felt him nudge his body close to yours, and his front pressing to your back, an arm slipping beneath your neck, his other settling on your waist.

“Is this alright?” He murmured against your neck, and you whispered back your affirmation, settling into the warmth of his embrace. Your breathing began to slow and even out, matching his, where you could feel little puffs against your neck from where he had pressed his nose there.

As you began to drift off, you felt his hand gently slide down to find yours resting against your stomach. He pushed his fingers between the spaces of yours, giving it a gentle squeeze, and rubbing his thumb up and down the back of your hand in a soothing repetition.

III.

A strange silence filled the air as you and Obi-Wan settled into the small tavern room you were staying in for the night before you could find an appropriately discreet and permanent residence on Tattooine. So much had happened, but it was difficult to put any of it into words, and felt almost pointless to speak of, when you felt helpless in the aftermath of it all. Anakin, Padmé, the twins, the fall of the republic, the extinction of the Jedi Order. It was too much. How were you supposed to move on?

You swallowed the coming tears yet again, changing into a fresh pair of civvie sleep clothes you had managed to buy at a market you had passed on the way into town. You turned to where Obi-Wan was sitting, still as a statue at the edge of the bed, already dressed down in just his trousers for sleep. The silence continued as you sat next to him, close as can be, your sides touching as a form of comfort. Out of what now had become a habit when the two of you were alone, Obi-Wan grabbed your hand to hold. A melancholy smile crossed your face at the familiarity. You may have lost everything, but you still had each other.

“I love you,” Obi-Wan’s strained voice, holding back tears, cracked the silence of the dim room. “I’ve loved you since we were padawans. I need you to know that. I can’t seem to tell people that until it’s too late.” His voice cracked on the last word, and a jolt of bitter regret surged through his signature, so strong you could have physically flinched. 

“I know, Obi,” you told him softly, reaching up to run your hand through his hair comfortingly. “So did Anakin. You were a brother to him, just the same as he was to you.” You murmured, squeezing his hand in reassurance. More silence passed between the two of you, accented by occasional creaks of other patrons moving around through the thin walls. Ever so gently, you channeled a push of affection in the Force towards him, enveloping him in its warmth. “I love you. We’re going to be alright.” He finally met your gaze as you spoke to him, the both of you with silent tears slipping down your face. He took your face in his hands, running his thumbs over your cheeks. He leaned close to press his forehead against yours, closing his eyes.

“We’re going to be alright,” he echoed, sighing and trying desperately to steady himself, as much as he could. “As long as I am with you, I know we’re going to be alright.” He seemed to be reassuring himself just as much as offering comfort to you. You closed the gap between the two of you in a kiss, one that was far past overdue. It seemed to last forever, the two of you basking in the closeness of each other, the relief of finally airing your feelings, as well as being able to let a positive emotion free, let that take over rather than the overbearing sadness that weighed heavy on your mind, and was sure to make rebuilding your lives tough. But you could get through it. For each other. With each other. That feeling of certainty surrounded the both of you as you pulled away, although tinged with grief and loss, it was still reassurance just the same. You were not alone.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

The Little Things in Life - 4

Warnings: cheating, non-consent sex (series); not the sex you’re expecting but it’s the sex you get.

This is dark!Steve and explicit. 18+ only.

Series Summary: Your suburban life begins to show cracks and your next door neighbour, Steve Rogers, seems intent on shattering what’s left.

Note: So I didn’t write at all yesterday. Dunno if I will today. My anxiety’s through the roof and I’m sorry to everyone waiting on different things. I see the asks and I’m doing my best. TBH I’m not in the greatest head space but I have up to part 5 done on this. Thanks to everyone for their feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

Based on this drabble

Your escape from the garage was uneventful. You beat Steve in the fourth match and excused yourself to the washroom. You hid in there for some time. You stared in the mirror at your glossy eyes. You didn’t look like yourself. You didn’t feel like yourself.

You were careful to avoid Steve for the rest of the night. He didn’t make it easy. Neither did Sharon. She found you in the beach chair staring at the water, a perfect excuse for her husband to get closer. Her husband.

Had you encouraged Steve without knowing? Been too friendly? Well, you would never expect the golden saviour of New York to betray his own wife. His perfect wife! Her blond hair, her long legs, her crystalline eyes. She was his match in everything and he could just do that. And what did you do but whine a little bit?

You found your husband among the crowd and cringed. He was cheating on you. And you just sat there and did nothing. Fucking his boss! Never home to help with Kayla; the most you could get out of him when he was was twenty minutes of distraction. Enough to do the dishes or vacuum the living room. You hated him. But you still loved him.

You dragged Logan home just after midnight. He was worse off than you. You barely got him up the stairs as he slung himself over your shoulder. He was heavy. He flopped face first into bed, sprawled diagonal across it. You turned his head over the edge and set a bucket beside him.

You slept on the couch. Twenty minutes before you awoke with vertigo and stumbled your way to the bathroom to spill your guts. It burned terribly and you felt as if your chest would collapse with each wretch. You fell back onto the cushions with a grunt and sank into an alcohol-laced slumber.

You woke to a nail in your skull. You sat up and it pushed deeper. You felt awful. Dirty. You looked in on Logan, snoring loudly into the pillow. You showered with a bottle of Tylenol and forced down a tall glass of filtered water. Your phone nearly burst your eardrums as it rang and you picked it up frantically before your head began to buzz again.

It was your mother. She was on her way to the McDonald’s in town. She wanted to take Kayla to the play place. You offered to meet her there to relieve her of her babysitting shift. You drove with sunglasses on and the radio off.

You were thankful when you arrived to Kayla already lost in the plastic tubes. You sat with your mother who shoved a mcmuffin in your direction. You took a gulp of coffee and scarfed down the sandwich.

“Jeez, this reminds me of your college days,” Your mother chided. “Sweats, sunglasses… wild night?”

“Long week,” You groaned and leaned on your elbow as you looked over at the playplace. “How was she?”

“An angel. As usual.” She said. “She was telling me about her friend Steve.”

“Our neighbour,” You mumbled into your coffee. “He’s… nice to her.”

“And you?” Your mother prodded.

You were silent as you set down your cup. You pushed up your sunglasses and rubbed away the dampness around your eyes with your knuckles. You’d not even known you were crying.

“What is it?” She reached across the table.

“Logan…” You sniffed. “He’s sleeping with his boss.”

“No,” Your mother’s breath wisped out of her. “Oh, honey.”

“I saw them a couple days ago and… I don’t know what to do. What to say.” You flipped your glasses back down. “I’m fucking pissed but I’m so fucking terrified.”

“How could he--” You mother huffed. “You know what I would do.”

“Yeah, mum,” You scoffed. “A kick in the balls?”

“And more,” She sneered. “Say the word and I’m going over right now and knocking him--”

“No, no,” You raised your hand. “I’ll… handle it. I just… I’m processing.”

You played with the string of your sweats as you crossed your legs. You thought of Steve and the pool table. You should tell her, but what would you say? You let another man finger you because you were mad at your husband? Two wrongs...

“You know, the guest room’s always open.” Your mother said. “For you and Kayla.”

“Kayla,” You uttered. “I couldn’t… you think he’d take her from me.”

“And what? Sounds to me like he’s so busy messing around, he doesn’t have time for either of you.” She rolled her eyes. “She told me he’s never home. That he’s always on his phone.”

“She’s too honest for her own good,” You shook your head. “Too innocent. I don’t know if I could put her through that.”

“And let her live with festering resent?” Your mother argued. “Look, I’m not gonna tell you what to do, but you can’t do nothing.”

“I know,” You emptied your coffee and picked up a cold hash brown. “Just… don’t say anything.”

“To who?” She asked. “My walls.”

🏠

You pulled up to the house as Kayla played with the little elephant she’d gotten with her meal. As you climbed out and unbuckled her, you spied a familiar figure from your peripheral. You ignored it as you grabbed her bag and helped her out onto the pavement. You closed the door as you tried to keep your daughter on the other side of you.

“Steve!” Kayla peeked past you and waved to your neighbour.

“Kayla, come on,” You tried to nudge her up the walk but Steve was already on his way across the street.

“Hey, you guys,” You turned to him as Kayla ran forward to hug his leg. “Early morning. Surprised you made it past the front door.”

“Yeah,” You kept your eyes averted behind your shades. “Kayla, come on. We gotta go.”

“What’s the plan for today?” Steve asked as you reached for your daughter.

“Family time,” You said tersely. 

“Mommy said I can paint butterflies on my wall!” Kayla said.

“Ooh, that sounds fun,” He smiled but barely looked at the girl. His eyes were set on you. 

“Kayla,” You pulled her towards the door and unlocked it. “Your father’s upstairs. Go wake him up. I’ll be in in just a second.”

“But I wanna talk to Steve,” She argued.

“Go inside,” You opened the door and waved her in. “You go right upstairs and get your dad.”

She pouted but did as you said. You watch her amble up the carpeted stairs and you turned back to Steve as you heard her calling to Logan. You closed the door and stormed back towards him.

“Look, what happened last night was wrong and I never want to talk about it again,” You hissed. “And… I don’t want to talk to you.”

He smiled and shook his head.

“As far as I could tell you liked it. Wanted it.” He crossed his arms. “You’re just too afraid to admit it.”

“I have a husband.” You snarled.

“Who’d rather fuck some crusty lady in a pants suit than you,” He challenged.

“You have a wife. A newborn.” You scowled. 

“I’ve learned a lot of things since I woke up in a whole new century. New lingo.” He tilted his head. “I’m sure you know what a ‘trophy wife’ is.”

“Is that what she is? Maybe you should tell her that.”

“Me and Sharon look good for the public. And for work. Suits never would’ve let me marry a civilian. We make a great little family.” He shrugged. “I gave her a baby. She got what she wanted and so did SHIELD.”

“I don’t believe you,” You said.

“I don’t care if you do. Sharon’s going back within the year. She misses the field. She misses a certain intelligence officer.” Steve said coolly. “It won’t be long before… well.”

“Listen, stay away from me.” You backed away from him. “I have enough going on.” You turned and grasped the door handle, paused as you looked back at him. “I can’t believe you. I really thought you were someone else.”

“Hey, I never said the propaganda wasn’t effective,” He winked. “I’ll see you around.”

You pushed inside and quickly closed the door. You pulled back the narrow curtain to look out through the frosted glass of the door. Steve��s hazy figure lingered until finally he retreated. Kayla’s voice drew you away.

“Mommy,” She called down the stairs. “Daddy’s sick.”

🏠

Logan was in bed for most of the day “recovering”. You left him to his sulking and helped Kayla paint her butterflies. The few times you passed by the room, you peeked through the small space between the door and the frame. He had his phone out. You could guess who he was texting. If you asked, he’d say work and it wouldn’t be an all out lie.

You put Kayla to bed and spent an hour in the living room watching re-runs before you found the nerve to go upstairs. Logan had a video running on his phone about homemade axes or some nonsense. You changed into a long tee and climbed into bed. You turned your back to him and closed your eyes.

“Sorry, babe,” He tickled your spine. “I drank way too much yesterday.”

“Mhmm,” You grumbled.

“You mad?” He asked.

“No,” You lied. “Hungover.”

“I should’ve helped with Kayla today,” He moped.

“So why didn’t you?” You snapped.

“You are mad.” He said.

Not about that, you thought. 

“I’m just tired.” You said.

“Next weekend, we’ll do something with Kayla together.” He coaxed. “Take her to the aquarium. Oh, and Steve texted me. Him and Sharon want us to come over for dinner on Thursday. I told him I’d try to move some things around at work.”

“Thursday,” You repeated. “Alright.”

“You sure you’re okay?” His hand strayed to your hip. 

“I just need to sleep it off,” You tapped his hand. “I’m fine.”

🏠

You woke up not shortly after you fell asleep. It was dark and the bed next to you was empty. You sat up and checked the time. It wasn’t even one in the morning. A slat of light escaped from your attached bathroom and you threw your legs over the edge of the mattress.

You tiptoed to the door and peered in. Logan was naked before the mirror as he held up his phone to take a picture. You wanted to scoff at how he flexed. He wasn’t as fit as he used to be, but neither were you. He snapped the pic and sent it with a devious grin. You saw his screen flash with a response shortly after. 

You felt the air rush out of you but could only back away and slink back to bed. It was ten minutes before he returned. He crawled under the blanket and pressed himself to your back. He was hard. His hand tickled your thigh and he played with the hem of your tee shirt.

“Babe,” He cooed gently. “Babe…” He continued as until you pretended to stir. “I forgot to tell you how great you looked yesterday in those shorts.”

“Logan, it’s late,” You grumbled but his hand brushed along your small patch of hair.

“Come on, babe,” He purred as he nuzzled the back of your neck. “It’s been… a while.”

You were quiet as he poked his fingers down and forced them between your legs. You flinched as he pushed on your clit.

“Babe,” He said again.

“Mmm,” You mumbled.

He pushed against you again and you sighed. You arched into him and let him lift your leg. He prodded your entrance and impaled you slowly. It was painful as you were barely aroused. You just wanted to be done with it. You knew he didn’t want you; he’d just gotten himself riled up and needed a release.

When he was at his limit, he gasped. His fingers slid off your clit as he began to thrust and he was toying with the crook of your leg rather than any part of your cunt. You grabbed the corner of your pillow and turned your face into it. He moved faster and faster as he quickly approached his peek.

You held back the tears as he jolted your entire body. You felt the warmth burst inside of you as he gave a pathetic moan. He spasmed a few times and slipped out of you. He rolled onto his back and gave your ass a tap.

“Mmm,” He hummed. “That was good.”

“Y-yeah,” You carefully shimmied to the edge. “I gotta go clean up.”

“Dirty girl,” He purred and you quickly fled to the bathroom, his cum dripping down your thighs.

You closed the door and sat on the toilet. You wiped yourself clean with tissue and let out the pressure which had built in your bladder. Finished, you remained as you were. You hung your head and covered your mouth with your hand as you began to cry. You were such a coward.

[bapydemonprincess]

Hi fren! How about that scenario we were discussing earlier, where Seb comforts Mey while they’re grocery shopping because the situation is making her anxious? 💖🖤

It should've been the same as every other time she'd gone shopping. Walked around. Got what she needed...

But suddenly she was noticing everyone's faces, noticing glances at her! She didn't even know why it was suddenly more bothersome... It wasn't because Sebastian was with her, they'd been together over a year and had gone out to many public places.. but..

"Hmm, it looks like they have good options for stuffed ravioli.. Both dry and frozen kind. Would you like something like this for dinner tonight, dear?"

Sebastian's voice seemed muffled and far away, even if they were right next to each other.

"..Mey?"

Her eyes kept looking away, at everyone else.

"Did you hear me?"

Especially when someone like this lady with a little girl in the cart and a little boy close by her side came near as they were trying to get through.

Sebastian had to put an arm around Mey Rin, and gently push her out of the way eventually, smiling his naturally social smile to the stranger in apology.

When the woman was long gone, Mey Rin's companion was bending to look into her face.

"Are you in there?? Mey??"

"Whu--!" The small girl jolted and her mind caught up in time before her instinct to scream kicked in. Only a small eep coming out before she slapped a hand over her mouth, and yanked herself away from her boyfriend, stumbling back.

The bright lights of the store danced in her vision even if she was now looking at the floor.

Her feet.

She could feel Sebastian's hand much more firmly as he put it on her back, started rubbing up and down, and up to the nape of her neck, letting the coolness of his palm reach her own bare skin.

"Hey hey, I'm sorry!" He was hissing frantically. "It's alright, dear. Shh. Are you okay??"

She whimpered, shut her eyes and shook her head.

"N.. No.. I dunno why, no I don't... Just- M-My anxiety's through the roof right now, it is."

"Ohh boy," Sebastian hissed out. "Well, we managed this far, right? It's okay.. We can head out now if you want-"

"B-But we're not entirely done! I'm sorry, I'm--"

"Shhhh it's alright, listen.. If you want to try keep going and finish up, we'll keep going. I'm right here."

Mey wanted to sob, but she smiled a trembling smile instead, trying so hard to force herself to focus!

She stared into her sweet Sebastian's face. His reassuring smile and pretty eyes. He patted her back a little more, then waved over at the frozen food behind the doors.

"Did you hear what I was saying about the ravioli?"

For some reason, Mey Rin giggled at this. It was likely out of hysterics and stress but Sebastian suddenly asking about if she'd heard him talking about ravioli before made her crack up.

"N-No.. I know you were talkin', but I- I blanked out a bit there."

The man beside her was smirking a bit, looking ready to laugh too, but he opened his mouth, looking ready to just repeat whatever he'd said...

Before he suddenly went "Psh," and dramatically leaned against the freezer door.

"Boy, have I got a story to tell you about these things," He uttered, and made a thumbing gesture back at the product behind him.

"They're not to be trifled with!"

Mey blinked a second longer..

Was.. was he.. d-doing a bit now??

The girl burst out laughing, high and bubbly and a bit unhinged to her own ears.

And seconds later she saw Sebastian reddening and laughing too, covering his eyes.

Yeah. Sebastian had definitely been trying to do a bit.

And the awkwardness and rarity of it was what made it actually hilarious.

Sebastian never did over-the-top goofy things, not like their friends Bard or Ronald..

Not that he was completely always a serious sort, but his humor was usually much dryer and sarcastic and sassy and--

"You dork, you!" Mey finally managed and waved a hand at him as if to shoo him away.

"What the hell were you really sayin', c'mon!!"

"Okay, okay, I tried... Thank goodness no one we know was around to see that." He muttered much quieter to himself.

Now that's the Sebastian I know. Mey thought, and grinned as she finally heard what her love had really been asking.

"I was asking if you wanted something like this stuffed ravioli for supper or the other, unfrozen kind we saw earlier?"

"OH," Mey gasped, then hummed and frowned a little..

"Actually.. I.. was hoping to order out pizza tonight...?" She hesitantly told him, smiling bashfully.

Sebastian groaned... but after rubbing his head he nodded.

"Alright, okay.. It does look like it'd be that kind of night, doesn't it," He uttered, almost looking a tiny bit sad he wouldn't get to cook..

Especially when he wanted to treat his anxious Mey!

Mey picked up on this.. and suddenly threw the door open and grabbed a frozen bag of stuffed ravioli.

"But- well- maybe tomorrow you can cook it, okay?! I'm curious now since you've never cooked that before for me!!"

Sebastian's eyebrows lifted.. and he smiled some more.

"Well.. alright. We'll make it a fancy home dinner night, maybe even get some wine?"

"Yeah!!" Mey grinned, beaming up at him.

And inside the man beside her sighed with relief.

In most cases when Mey had anxiety attacks they were at home.. Or he wasn't with her in person when she had one in public.

He wanted to do his best to help her despite getting scared himself by seeing it first hand.

Whatever had happened to Mey Rin growing up to cause her to be like this..

Sebastian hoped to prevent her from ever feeling that again.

He made sure to take her hand, touch her shoulders, her back, to make sure the rest of the time in the store she knew he was right there.

He didn't dare try anything too goofy again.. But he did his best with what he could do.

She wasn't alone this time.

Sebastian'd make sure of that.

[starshineskyandthepowerofrock]

Stuff You Wouldn't Think To Find

Part 23 of Starshine, Sky, and the Power of Rock

The portal kinda feels like how sparkling water tastes, if that makes sense. I meet Sky on the other side to find her shaking magical shimmers out of her hair.

"They really like sparkles over here, don't they?" she says.

I wiggle and watch the glittery particles fall from my pajamas. There's Sky's pencil next to my slippers! I pick it up. "Hey, look!"

Sky smiles and puts the pencil behind her ear for safe keeping. She looks around. "Any idea where we are?"

I shrug. It's super dark in here. The portal glows pink next to us and Sky's eyes glow blue so I can see just around me. But everything else? I haven't got a clue. "Do you know a light spell?"

"I know a 'make lights brighter' spell. It's a duet."

I don't see any lights to make bright in here except... hm... I put my hand through the portal again and swoosh it around a little. I pull back out with a handful of magical sparkles. Sky sings each part once for me, then I sing the melody while she sings the harmony. The sparkles glow brighter until we can see everything within two feet of us.

"Oooooh!" I say.

The walls and ceiling are a whole lot closer to us than I'd expected. We're in a super tight hallway, it looks like. No windows, no doors, nothing but what looks like an endless corridor. My heart's going again. I wonder what's down there! I've never explored a palace before, especially not an enchanted one!

Sky and I creep down the hall, our footsteps muted by our slippers. "Do you think that portal's always been there?" I ask.

"No clue," she says. "I feel like we would've noticed. Can't imagine why they'd put a secret passageway in a common room. Must be some kinda... magical glitch."

"Do you think your piano playing opened it? Like, on accident?"

Sky chuckles. "C'mon, you think I could do that? With a normal piano?"

I shrug. "I dunno. I've seen you do other cool stuff."

"Like what?"

"Like when you beat that guy in a guitar battle? That was the coolest thing I've ever seen!"

Sky doesn't look amused anymore. "Thanks," she says.

"Oh, um, sorry, i-is that a sore poi-"

"It's okay," she says a little too loud. She softens up a bit. "Thanks -- uh -- really, I'd forgotten I'd done that."

"See? So, you are cool!"

"You're pretty cool yourself," she says. "I wouldn't think you'd be up for something like this."

"Like what?"

"Ya'know. Sneaking around. Doesn't seem your speed."

I giggle. "I snuck around all the time back on the moon!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, really! My friends and I used to sneak each other out of our bedroom windows and go hang out after curfew," I giggle. "They'd love you."

"Huh, maybe I'd love them too, then. You'll have to introduce us if that can happen."

"I sure hope so," I say, only to notice that feeling in my chest come back. Hmm. Time to change the subject. "Where do you think this leads?"

Sky scrunches her eyebrows a bit. She's quiet for longer than I'd expect. "I've got a theory but I'm not sure it's a good one."

"At least you've got one, right? Lemme hear, lemme hear!"

She takes a glance at me but turns back. "Let's see first before I say anything."

She keeps answering in ways I'm not ready for, huh. "Oh... Okay, then?"

The floor has been slowly inclining as we go. It was only a bit at first but it's getting so steep I wonder if we'll slip. I'm very thankful for the little sticky things on the bottom of my slippers-

"Ah!" Sky yelps. I catch her by the arm right before she hits the ground. "Thanks," she says. Then she furrows her brow. "Wait." She kneels back down again, more careful now, and puts her ear to the floor. "You hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"It's... It's like... Uh. A hum? No, not a- Huh." She stands back up. "But you hear it, right?"

I shake my head. "What are you talking about?"

"It's, uh. A sound? Or..." She tries clearing her ears, rubs her temples. "No, not a sound. It's, it's not in my ears, it's..." She's starting to breathe, oh no!

"Are you okay? Maybe we should turn back-"

She hits the side of her head. "What the hell is happening? You don't feel it?" She grits her teeth, squeezes her eyes shut. Then she puts her hands over her head and ducks as if shielding herself from... I don't even know what. She reminds me of...

"Do you have anxiety, Sky?"

She doesn't seem to hear me, she just keeps whispering "What the hell, what the hell, what the hell?"

Ohhhh gosh, what did my mom do? Would it work with her? I've gotta try!

"Sky? Sky, look at me, okay? Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things-"

She says a word I don't feel comfy repeating. Okay then, what else do I do to ground myself? Uhhhh. I start flapping my hands. I've gotta be the calm one now. Okay, okay. I take a big breath and let it out. "Can you try doing that, Sky?"

Her eyes land on me. I do it again. She tries a shaky breath of her own. I take another deep breath. Then she does. We breathe together few more times until she takes her trembling hands away from her head. She looks away, gulps, and says, "Uh, thanks. You're right. Maybe we should turn back."

🌙🌙🌙

We both sleep in the next day. It's 12:30 when we've just started rubbing the clouds out of our eyes over a game of cards, only for Star to come into our dorm saying, "You two are still in your PJs? Was there a no-sleep slumber party that I missed?

Sky swirls the coffee in her mug and says, "Eh, I guess we're just both night owls, right, Crescent?"

I smile, realizing Star probably isn't the best person to tell about sneaking around secret palace corridors past curfew. "Yep!"

"Well, while you guys slept in, Citrus and I checked out the local marketplace. Sugarsweet has some great shops I think you two would like! Oh, and I asked around, Sky, and the music store wouldn't mind you coming in! We could go CD shopping!"

Sky's eyes light up. "Woah, really? That's great! Wanna go, Crescent?"

"Sure! Maybe we can skate, too! I hear the ice rinks here are made of frozen rock candy!"

🌙🌙🌙

Wow, Sugarsweet really lives up to its name! Star says it's the capital of Dulcet Falls, a province I still can't believe exists! Oh my gosh, I'm so so happy we're here for the week! We stick out our tongues and let blue sour-sweet snowflakes land in our mouths.

"The precipitation is a different flavor in each city. Here, it's blue raspberry!" Star tells us.

"How'd that even happen?" I ask.

"Oh, I haven't a clue. Scientists have been studying the phenomena of this province for years and still aren't sure why."

"Well, I'm not complaining!" Sky says. "Hey, your tongues are blue!" She smiles, revealing her fangs are stained blue, too.

We giggle together and head towards the music shop. Just as Star promised, Sky steps right through the doorway without a problem. The aisles of CDs each end with a touch screen with attached earbuds so you can listen to a sample from any album on sale in the store.

We of course make a beeline for the rock section and browse CD after CD. Sky and I still don't really know a lot of the artists in the Land of Light, so we listen to tons of samples. Star is so excited to show us band after band, singer after singer. She's also got a lottt of allowance money that she has no trouble spending on us.

Sky is drawn to the secondhand section, maybe because she doesn't wanna have Star spend more on brand new CDs, or maybe because she's interested in that retro sound. The older stuff sounds cool, too! But there isn't a ton of hip hop over in this section, probably because the Land of Light's history with that is only as recent as moon rabbits coming down here and sharing our music with them. The Land of Light's hip hop has an interesting pop bent to it, one I don't hate at all and actually find kinda fun! But it does make me wish I could hear some beats that sound closer to the kind you hear back home...

Hm.

I ask Star and Sky if they can catch up with me at the skate rink. I can pay for my stuff, I assure Star.

🌙🌙🌙

I'm no better at skating then I was yesterday, but if it gets my mind off things then I'll take it. After a few more very wobbly tries at not letting gravity get the better of me, I finally decide to sit on a bench until Star and Sky catch up.

Okay. What are 5 things I can see? I see the pale blue skate rink. I see shop buildings with peppermint pillars supporting gingerbread walls and roofs covered in frosting. I see fairies and unicorns and elves and cat people who all skate way better than I do- uh uh, stop that! They're all doing their best, just like me! What's the point of a grounding technique if I'm gonna put myself down during it? Now, let's see. I see I girl who's... what is she doing? She's touching the edge of a chocolate road sign. Is she... She's broken off a piece!

I do my best to unlace my skates and get back in my boots as fast as I can and try to go get a better look. "Excuse me!" I say.

The girl's head snaps in my direction. Her eyes widen -- Her red eyes! She runs off.

"H-hey!" I say a whole lot of "excuse me"s and stumble a few times going at this speed but I've gotta catch up! "Wait up!"

The girl only stops to scoop up handful of snow and lob it in my direction. It whizzes past me. "That's not very nice!" I shout, still after her. "People have gotta use that sign, you can't just-"

"Buzz off, loser!" she shouts past the scarf covering her mouth. She's scrambling into the woods now.

I gasp. "No!" I pounce on her back and we both tumble into the flavored snow.

She shoves me off of her and coughs up a mouthful of snow, revealing a set of fangs I'm not much surprised to see. She looks up, eyes wide with worry. "What are you gonna do, report me? It'll be the last thing you-"

"You can't go running into the woods like that, silly! The Band of Darkness could snatch you up like that!" I try to snap to make my point but it's a little hard to make a sound with this wooly mitten on.

She blinks. "What?"

"When I first came to the Land of Light, I had to learn a lot about safety since the Band of Darkness likes to lurk around a lot. And the biggest rule was don't go in the woods! One of my friends is a vampire, too, so I know they won't go easy on you! Be careful, okay!"

She stares at me, not sure what to say. "I'll, um. I'll take that into account." She takes a bite out of the chocolate chunk in her hand.

Wow. I'm not sure what else to even say. I've got so many questions but none of them are coming out!

"Well then," she says, standing and brushing the snow off herself. "I have to go. You didn't see me, okay?"

"Huh? Yes I did!"

"I mean if anyone asks, you didn't meet me, okay? We didn't meet. Got it?"

"Uh. Um..."

"Got it?" she asks, more intense this time.

I nod. "I-I've got it!"

"Good. Now, aren't your friends wondering where you are?"

[guessimjoiningthespidermanfandom]

Hell and Back Pt. 2

Peter Parker x bisexual!reader

Peter Parker x fem!reader

Peter Parker x black!reader 

Peter Parker x villain!reader 

Warnings: Language, hospital mentions, mentions of drug abuse, allusions to suicide, allusion to self harm, self deprecating thoughts, a gun, mentions of knives, mentions of the dead, anxiety, signs of abuse, abusive and toxic relationships, and fainting.

Word Count: 6.1k 

Songs: Pleaser-Wallows, 505-Artic Monkeys, Sweater Weather- The Neighborhood, Daddy Issues- The Neighborhood, Paper Planes- M.I.A, We come running- Youngblood Hawke, Young dumb and broke- Khalid, Do I wanna know- Artic Monkeys, Break the Rules- Charli XCX

“I smiled, I know as much as we get into petty arguments or try to annoy each other on purpose but I’d go to hell and back for those girls. And that’s exactly what I was going to do.” 

A/N: There might be some typos and grammatical errors sorry for those, I you want to be added to the Taglist just message me about or comment it. I’ll have a google form for it soon. 

Series Masterlist   Previous Part   Next Part

When I saw my little sisters, that all went away. Sure I still called them a lot but nothing could compare to actually seeing them in person. Sapphire launched herself into my arms and I stumbled back a bit.

“I missed you too,” I said.

I hugged Aaliyah too. When I entered the apartment I heard voices. My dad’s and some feminine voice. 

I walked in to find some woman who couldn't be older than 25 in my kitchen. Talking and laughing with my dad. I didn’t want to assume anything or start a scene so I just went into my room to catch up with my sisters. 

We were talking about some kid who gave me a DMT pen once and I was tripping balls which I probably shouldn’t be talking about, but I want them to feel comfortable enough to come to me. Makes it easier to keep them safe. 

Our dad opened the door and hung in the doorway.

“Hey… Y/N do you mind coming here for a sec?”

“Yeah sure…” 

I stepped out of the room. 

“Is something wrong?” It wasn’t often that he initiated a conversation that would end positively.

“No,no, not at all, I just want you to meet someone,” 

When I entered the kitchen the same woman from before was still there. My dad walked over to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. 

“This is my girlfriend, Camilla” 

I knew it . I knew it! I was trying not to be hostile toward her every problem I had was towards my dad so I smiled and waved to her.

“Camilla this is Y/N,” he pointed to me. 

“Well I’ll let y’all get acquainted,” He said before leaving the room.

I sat on the kitchen island and waited for her to say something first. 

“Look, I would just like to put it out there that I’m not trying to replace your mom in anyway.”

“Thanks I appreciate it,” 

“Also, are you okay now?” She asked in a low voice.

“Huh?” I questioned.

“Your dad said you ran away,” Of course he did “and I saw the news with your school at the Washington Monument.” So I guess she knew more about me then expected. Not surprised she was the one to ask me and not my so called dad.  

“Thanks for your concern but I’m fine, and sorry to cut this conversation short but I’m drained.” 

“Oh, okay, have a nice night,” 

“You, too,” 

I didn’t have time to think about anything. I just made it back to my room and face planted onto my bed. My whole being was sore including my brain. I didn’t have the energy to change my clothes, to shower, to think about my dad being a pathological liar or anything else that happened today.

I was awoken by my dad. I didn't know how long I slept but the sun was out. I can’t remember the last time I was able to sleep while the sun was up. 

“Hey we’re going out, for family bonding and I want you there with us,”

Family.

We ain’t ever been a family before why start now. Is what I really wanted to say but I sucked it up because again I hadn’t seen my sisters in a while. 

The movie was really boring. If we’re being honest. 

I pulled Aaliyah and Sapphire aside as my dad and Camilla were deep in conversation. 

“You know how I was staying at Wade’s house right?” 

They both nodded.

“What did dad tell you about this,” 

Sapphire just shrugged and Aaliyah was the one to post.

“I dunno he didn’t say much like usual he just kinda said you just left,” 

I felt my jaw tightening as I processed her words, my fist clenching by my side. 

“Oh, oh okay,” I breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth a couple times “Well I just want you to know I’d never leave y’all without a very good reason, and I never won’t come back,” 

By the time we got back to the house it was around twelve since we watched another movie and went to a restaurant. Then got ice cream. This is the most money my dad could’ve possibly spent on me in a long time. I mean he didn’t because I didn’t get anything and bought my own ticket. I didn’t want him to be able to use the fact he bought me stuff against me. I’d gotten tired of the “after I’ll I’ve done for you,” excuse. 

I couldn’t sleep. No matter what I tried I couldn’t sleep. I tried NyQuil, melatonin, and even tea. The tea really did more harm than good. 

This was an extremely stupid thing to do so don’t follow my lead but I was bored. 

I grabbed a lot of useless shit from the floor of my room and made my way to the roof. I poured hand sanitizer on it and set it on fire. Putting aside the fact that it was really weird the fire was oddly beautiful. I sat there watching it for a minute before stomping it out. 

I was going to text my friend Carmen but I realized she was supposed to be asleep and I didn’t want to get her in trouble. 

I ended up scrolling through Zillow for a while then that turned into me applying for like four jobs. In which turned into me making spamming multiple friends saying we needed to hang out.

While I was on Zillow there was a relatively cheap apartment in Queens. Which was close to my school. It kept drawing me in for some reason. I bookmarked the tab.

Before I knew it the sun was up. I figured if I couldn’t sleep I would go on a walk to the park. 

When I got back to the complex everyone was still asleep except my dad who walked outside like he was waiting on me. He grabbed my arm, squeezing it tightly. 

He basically told me I looked like a prostitute. I was running so my sports bra and leggings were actually pretty appropriate. He said that I was probably going out to fuck people and that’s where I always was. I opened my mouth to defend myself.

“Actually I was just going to the-“ I was cut off by a sharp sting on my cheek. 

He fucking slapped me. Hard at that. He then grabbed my arm even tighter than before dragging me into the house.

 I don’t know what hurt worse my face or that fact that I wouldn’t be able to blame him being drunk on all the times he’d hit me before. He was just an ass.

  By the time I made it back to my room it felt like my body was burning itself from the inside out. My face was red and so was my arm from my elbow to almost my wrist. To try to cool myself down I took a cold shower and took some Tylenol. 

I still couldn’t sleep but tonight it was because it was so hot. I really needed a fan in my room. It was already 6 so I just decided to get a head start at the school. Not without taking pictures of my bruises before covering them with green concealer and foundation. I wore a hoodie for good measure. 

I felt dizzy and decided it was probably best not to skate at the moment and I’m 90% sure I fell asleep on the subway.  Apparently we had an art project due which I had no idea existed in the first place so I wasn’t going to that class today. Even though I did truly love Ms. Kramer. I was just gonna skip and go to Bri’s class. Which just happened to be chemistry. 

I wasn’t surprised Mr. Cobwell asked no question when I walked in. I ate lunch in his class a couple times, he was chill. He continued on talking about Quantum Theory. 

I made Flash move from his seat next to Bri which he immediately did. I guess he was scared of me now. 

“Hey,” I said, placing my non bruised side of my face on the desk.

“Hey,” She whispered back. “What class are you supposed to be in?” 

“Art,” 

“Why are you there? You love art,” 

“I’m not feeling it today,” 

“Alright,” she nodded.

“Lemme use your AirPods,” 

She reached into her bag handing them over going back to taking notes. That didn’t last long.

“What ya watching?” She asked.

“Bad Girls Club,” I smiled knowing she liked this show. 

“What season?” 

“7,” I whispered because now I felt too weak to waste my energy on speaking. I placed the phone on my lap and she took the other AirPod and before I knew I class was over with Tasha throwing trash everywhere.

I figured I was feeling sick because my blood sugar was low or something so I drank some Apple juice at lunch and called it a day.

Now time for Physics. I hate physics. Why would science ever require so much math? 

It was so hot. Like on the face of the sun, hot but I couldn’t take my hoodie off because I felt like I’d sweat my foundation off. 

“Are you okay?” Peter asked me “You look pale,” I swear if he doesn’t learn to mind his business.

“I’m fine,” I told him, not sure if I was trying to convince him or myself, I gestured to his notebook. “Do your work,” 

“Alright fine,” he said reluctantly, glancing at me once before getting back to writing whatever we were supposed to be doing down.

 I pulled my hoodie back over my head and sat up in my seat about to try to do my work again. But it was so hot and I was so dizzy that I couldn’t focus.

The world began to swirl and I knew the switch in my brain was going to flip off. I just didn’t have time or enough energy to tell anyone. 

When I woke up I was in a bed in the nurse's office and the first thing I noticed was I didn’t have my hoodie. Shit. I used to make fun of people for passing out because how does your own body clock out on you? Until it started happening to me like last year. 

I went into the bathroom and sure enough the giant bruise on my cheek and arm were kinda visible. 

Again shit.

I patted my forehead with a cold paper towel because the nurse’s bathroom actually had paper towels unlike all the others, before the nurse came back. 

“Hello, Are you feeling okay?” 

I nodded. She smiled down at me before giving me water and checking my temperature. 

“You have a fever,” she said after looking down at the thermometer “We called dad to come and pick you up but we got no answer. Is there anyone else that can come and take you?” 

I shook my head, not trusting my voice. 

I drank some more of the water before speaking up. 

“I have a friend who’s at this school she could maybe drop me off?” 

“I’m not sure if that’s allowed,” she said. 

“You know what? Go back to class, get your friend and come right back.”

I pushed off the bed and headed out of the nurses office surprised to find Peter sitting on the bench outside it. 

“Are you okay?” He asked me again 

“Yes I’m okay” I nodded. Apparently I wasn’t as okay as I thought because I almost tripped over my leg trying to move. But Peter immediately reached his hand out to stabilize me. And I don’t know why that made me as angry as it was but I said “I don’t need you to help,” harsher than I need to. 

“Sorry,” I said calmly almost immediately after. 

“It’s okay,” He said scratching the back of his neck.

“If you don’t mind me asking where’d these bruises come from,” 

“I fell,” was all I said. He looked skeptical but that was all he was going to get, I didn’t need CPS all up in my business. That’s also payback for him lying to me about “cat scratches”. 

“Can you do me a favor?” I asked.

“Yeah, anything,” he said. 

“Can you go get Briana from Mr. Dell’s class for me?” 

“Yeah I’ll be right back,” he said before sprinting down the hallway. I giggled at his giddiness. It was still extremely hot everywhere my body was tingling. 

Bri ran towards me 

“Oh my god are you okay,” 

“I’m fine, I just need you to talk to the nurse with me real quick,” 

She apparently didn’t have her car with her today so she was a no go. 

“I’m sorry girl,” she said, pulling me into a hug. 

“It’s okay, go back to class now,” I said.

“Alright feel better,”

I walked back out of the office to find none other than Peter still waiting there.

“So what happened?” He asked.

“Looks like I’m walking home,” I smiled sarcastically. “Yay,”

“I can walk you home,”

“No, thank you” 

“I insist,” I laughed again 

“I still think that word is funny,” I said.

“Okay, now let me walk you home,” 

We were walking in no general direction. No one but MJ and Bri know my address and  I’d like  to keep it that way. 

“Wait, you need food,” He claimed.

We ended up at this place called Delmar’s Deli. I’d passed it a couple times while walking home and during my less legal “hobby”. I really wasn’t hungry at all. I took all of like two bites from my sandwich claiming I’d take it to go before throwing it away. It wasn’t bad, it was quite good, actually I just wasn’t hungry. 

“My aunt is a nurse at an emergency room, she can check you out,” I hate anything that's anything like a hospital at all brings terrible memories, but I didn’t want him to know where I lived so I agreed. I’d ditch him then.  

It took us a while to get there but by the time we did I had to stop and catch my breath. He offered to walk me home and got me food. What a Spiderman thing to do. I’d say I had much solid proof to go on by now.  

“Peter!” The gorgeous brunette woman came over to the waiting room “What are you doing here don’t you have school?” 

“Yeah but my friend-“ When her eyes ghosted over to my face she cut herself off. “Oh my God are you okay,” she referred to my bruises “What happened to you?” 

“Did Flash do this to her?” She asked Peter and I had to stifle a laugh at that. I wish he would try to lay a finger on me. 

“No, she just told me she fell, we’re here cause she fainted and I don’t know if the school nurse is very capable of actually helping,” 

Is this a new thing Peter just decides to randomly worry about me for no good reason and forces me into taking care of myself. Because I hate it. 

“Oh, ok,” She nodded her head. “Grab one of those questionnaires over there,” She pointed to the sign in table. “Are your parents going to come too?” She asked and I shook my head. 

She and Peter moved over to the side and started talking about something I had no interest in. I grabbed the questionnaire and sat on the edge of the closest seat.  

1. What’s your age?

That’s easy 15.

2. Specify your race 

African American of course.

3. Select your highest level of education

Some high school

4. What’s your marital status? 

Single never married. Unless you count that un-ordained wedding I once had.

5. Specify your employment status

A student. 

6. Have you ever been treated in an emergency room (specify age)? 

Yes, as a child. 

7. Have you ever been rushed to the hospital? If yes, do you remember why?

Okay wow. Yes. 

I sat on the cold bathroom floor, vision blurry from tears forming in my eyes. 

“Y/N, you okay in there?” I heard my brother ask after lightly rapping his fingers on the door. 

“Yeah, I’m okay!” 

No I wasn’t. I wasn’t okay at all. In fact I was the farthest thing from okay. I glanced down at my thighs, you could see cuts from the night before and scars peeking out from underneath my shorts. I was sobbing at this point. 

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. I wasn’t sure if it was for myself or to everyone I knew I’d hurt by this. I already had the headache. I was just waiting for the rest of the pills to kick in. 

I was holding onto the sink for support when the left side of my body started to feel tingly. The whole situation felt hazy. I was shaking hard before I fell, taking almost everything on the sink with me. 

My head hit the bathmat and I could feel my heart slowing and hear my breath become shallow. I heard the doorknob jingle and that was the last thing before a feeling of true bliss and peace took over my body. 

I could hear screams and sirens and I knew I was in an ambulance. Slowly I awoke with wires all over my body and an IV in my wrist. My limbs were dead weight, I couldn’t move. 

A single tear fell from my eye alerting me off my surroundings. I quickly came back to myself. I made up the excuse of a family emergency and left.

I ended up halfway across the city. Then in Brooklyn visiting a friend. 

I knocked on the window of Aaron’s apartment. I could see Miles sitting on the couch.

“How’ve things been over here?” I asked once I was settled on the couch as well. 

“Uh, pretty tame, and you?” 

“There was that whole elevator stunt and I almost fucking died which was fun.” 

“Forgot you never take anything seriously,” He rolled his eyes. 

I laughed in response “Well one of us has got to be fun for us since it’s clearly not you,” 

“In celebration of me not dying I’m making sundaes,” 

“Alright,” He said leaning back on the couch. 

“Hey uh, When’s Aaron coming back?” I asked, getting the whipped cream out of the fridge.

“I’m not sure,” 

This is actually like really fucking dangerous. Like it could kill me. It’s just I was already in pain and had a headache. I also wasn’t thinking. I’d already made the sundaes. I turned around so Miles couldn’t see what I was doing before I- Okay I’m not going to do this. Get it together God you’re acting like an addict. The amount of people who’ve died from inhalants were insane. There it is again death. 

“Drawn anything new lately?” I asked, wanting to get my mind off of the topic of death that seemed to be plaguing my brain lately.  

“Some small sketches,”

I got the text that’d I been waiting for. I’d been talking to Aaron for the past few days. I’m not sure how Miles would feel about that. So I haven’t said anything. 

But I got the text. 

Staten Island Ferry 3pm

I immediately popped up from the couch.

“I have to go like right now, it’s an emergency,” 

I sprinted towards the door almost running into the punching bag in front of me. 

“Y/N-“ 

It’d been a week and things were looking up. I had a great day yesterday without the use of any drug. But nothing good ever lasts too long. I didn’t have to worry about that now. What I needed to worry about, was getting Peter to stop falling on his ass. 

I tried not to laugh at him and failed. 

“It’s not funny,” he said, pulling me down with him as I reached out to pull him up. Soon he was laughing too. 

I felt a vibration in my pocket and saw that Aaron texted me. 

hey the results from the search came in.

what???? don’t play with me I’m on my way right now. 

“Uh hey I gotta go sorry,” 

“No it’s fine I probably should get home too,” He pushed off the ground reaching down for me. 

“Do you wanna do this again tomorrow?” He asked a hopeful glint in his eye once we were both on our feet.

“Yeah sounds nice,” I smiled.

“Okay,” He nodded.

“Okay,” I echoed heading off. 

Ned was being fucking stupid.

“NO!” I slammed my hands down on the table “You don’t stab anyone especially if you plan on using bleach to clean up the blood. At least use vinegar and lemon,”

“Okay, jeez,” he said reeling back, “How would you do it then?” 

Before I could say anything MJ spoke up

“You could just use a needle full of air in between their toes, Their heart would fail” 

“Orrr,” I said spinning around on top of the table towards Ned. “You could overdose them on potassium and by the time the police get there the potassium in their blood is back at a normal level,” 

“Yeah that works too,” MJ stated going back to whatever she was drawing.

“You guys scare me,” Ned muttered making me smile. 

“Where’s Peter?” I asked and Ned pointed across the room. 

There he was sitting by Liz. It was cute I knew about his little crush on her. I’m sure the whole school did. Glad it’s working out for him. However that did not stop the pain in my stomach. 

I got up from the table because suddenly I did not want to be at school anymore. 

“Where are you going?” MJ looked up at me.

I shrugged. In all honesty I had no I idea where I was going. Somehow I always end up at Wade’s house when I don’t know where I want to go. He wasn’t home but I had a key. I can’t remember if he gave it to me or I stole if we're being honest. 

Clearly I hadn’t passed by a mirror in a while because damn. I look terrible. 

My eyes were red and circled with a dark hue from lack of sleep. I still had a yellowing bruise on my cheek. I was pale. I looked to be on the verge of death. 

I looked frail, like at any second I’d just fall apart. 

It was so unfair. My bones dragged down my body. The pieces of my soul that were mined out and removed from my mind. There’s a hole leaving me forever longing and I cannot fill nor feel. Hiraeth, a beautiful word for a ugly feeling. longing for a home that I never truly had, a home in which I’d never return. I would like to drift to where my spirit lies. It’s in the eyes of you and me and everyone in between. Drifting on a small boat in the sea. Viridian. Yes! That's the place I would like to be, that's where my soul lies yes you see.

 I kept punching his punching bag over and over again. Until I was on my back on the floor begging my lungs to allow air into them with Time (Is) by Solange playing on loop. Something put it into my head that I had to kill Vulture. I’d never directly killed anyone but that was gonna change. Having people killed or knowing someone was going to kill someone and not doing anything about isn’t killing anyone in my book, but I’m sure it would be in Spidey’s

That’s literally Liz’s dad though…

Okay maybe I’d just get him locked up. Great now I gotta be a snitch. That’s new. I showered not even caring about my hair now my curls were sticking to my face. I was freezing now though. I didn’t know whether to be glad that my body wasn’t on fire anymore or be upset that I was covered in goosebumps. 

Wade’s laptop was sitting right there on his bed. I was only taking a shower but, I think I should be allowed to watch Netflix and he wouldn’t mind, I was already on his account anways. 

After like 3 episodes into this random show there was a folder that was calling to me for some reason. 

It’d be okay to take a sneak peek. I thought to myself. 

I clicked on it and it was locked. I guessed the password in like three tries. He’s really gotta up his password game. It opened to multiple folders, one with my mom's name. Okay I had to click this then. 

I opened it which opened to more folders one titled ‘In Case of My Death’. 

Okay, okay cool my mother has had a video of what to do all if she died all along. This would’ve come in handy five years ago. 

There were three videos with the names of myself and my sisters. I clicked on mine then paused it. 

Then unpaused it again. 

I couldn’t do it. Okay, yes I could. I played it again. As soon as I heard the beginning of the word “hi”. I shut the computer off. I couldn’t do this. Couldn't do it because I was weak, I couldn’t handle myself. I was stupid and weak and a fucking disappointment. Guess my dad had been right all these years. I knew there was always some truth to the words he spoke only a matter of time until I started acknowledging it. 

I don’t remember coming home to the apartment. And I definitely don’t remember writing all over the walls of my dad’s room. But I had a marker in my hands and it looked like a toddler had gone to town. 

Holy Shit 

He was actually going to murder me, in cold fucking blood.  I trashed, the living room area, his room, and then mine. I was not coming home tonight. Looks like I’d need to find a new home now. At this point that sounded like a pretty solid plan. 

I text my sisters a quick text ‘stay at grandma’s house tonight dad is going to pissed like Super Sayian mode’ before grabbing my go-bag which was: a bag of the essentials, like hygiene a couple shirts, shorts, hoodies, pants, and of course the flash drive can't forget the flash drive. 

The flash drive that’s driving me crazy. I’d yet to open it though.  I knew I was crazy because I did all this while fucking sobbing.

I wandered around for hours. Making my way to Brooklyn, Manhattan, Harlem, AND actual New York City.  

Somehow I still ended up at Olivia’s door at the end of the day. I honestly believe we were soulmates. Most people don’t know you get many soulmates in a lifetime. I think Olivia and I would be the karmic kind. A karmic relationship is meant to help you grow, but it is never meant to last—it's often playing out a bad experience from a past life. I’m guessing I hadn’t grown yet because here I was.

She opened the door after a second. I’m surprised she did because I used our special knock so I knew she knew it was me. 

“I can’t fucking do this anymore,” I screamed in her face. 

“You're the one going off and being secretive and shit, like you’re scared I’m gonna hurt you or something,” she yelled walking up the stairs. 

I followed after her, 

“Maybe you would hurt me. I don’t know you are insane,” I said, tears brimming my eyes. 

“Just because you have fucking daddy issues, doesn’t mean you have to carrying them into every part of your life,” 

“I have daddy issues?” I screamed soon turning into me choking on a laugh making an unhinged noise “Oh, I have fucking daddy issues, now? Oh, okay,” I nodded. 

“Your parents didn’t even fucking want you,” I pointed at her. “At least my mom stuck around before she died,” 

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” 

“Yeah well right back at you,” 

“You’re fucking psychotic! Literally you’re so much like your dad and you don’t even know it, You’re trying to please him and he doesn’t give two shits about you, Wake up Y/N! Wake up.” 

“I’m hard on you because I love you so much,” She claimed, but her love was suffocating. 

“Oh yeah? I asked “Well i don’t know how much more of this ’love’ I can take,” 

“Fine then,” She screamed. 

“Fine,” I said before she slammed the door in my face leaving me standing out in the cold crying. 

That wasn’t even the worse we’d said to each other. It was the first but not the last time we’d break up either. I do believe we loved each other though in our own twisted way. Well at least I know I loved her. 

“Hey,” She said softly as she could sense I was due to break at any second. My cheeks were probably tear stained. 

“Hey,” I whispered back. 

“Are you okay?” She asked. 

“No,” I shook my head. One thing I liked about her is I didn’t have to fake it around her, because masking my real emotions was so draining. At least I didn’t have to do it with everyone. 

“Wanna talk about it?” 

“No,” 

“Okay,” she said softly “My parents aren’t home, so you don’t have to worry about them,” not surprised. 

I nodded before she grabbed my hand bringing me inside.

“I missed you,” she said stroking my hair as I laid on her bed, my head in her lap. 

“I missed you too,” I wasn’t lying my head drifted to her from time to time. It wasn’t that I wanted to get back together I just missed her presence.  

She smiled sadly at me running her finger over the bags on my eyes. 

“Heavy is the head that wears the crown,” She quotes.

“Yeah well, ’m not queen or princess and definitely don’t have a crown, so we don’t gotta worry ‘bout me,” I said. 

“You’re a princess to me,” I gave a genuine yet tired smile at that.

“You can go to sleep, it’s okay,” She said.

That was the first time I was actually able to fall asleep and without medicine or having to go on a walk or do anything really. 

I woke up in the bed alone only to find Olivia sitting at her kitchen island eating spaghetti. 

She smiled when she saw me coming into view. 

“Sleep well?” She asked.

“Yeah surprisingly,” How long had I been asleep for I wondered.

“It’s 10 pm,” She said, still being able to read me. 

I made my way over to her and sat across her.

“So what’s really going on with you miss Y/N?” She questioned. 

I shrugged “I don’t know, nothing,”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself? Cause I’m not buying,” 

I explained to her how my dad was being weird and how I wanted to move out now. How I had pretty much vandalized the house. How I found the video of my mom. Just everything. Well maybe not everything I didn’t tell her about Vulture because I feel like she’d try to do something and I didn’t want her to get hurt. 

“Oh wow, damn... holy shit. Are you gonna watch your moms video?” She asked. Huh I hadn’t thought about that.

“I mean of course I will, yeah,” I nodded “Probably, I don’t know I’m scared,”  

“Wouldn’t you rather just push the fear back and watch then wonder the rest of your life what it says.” 

I sighed. Can't argue with that logic.

“I’m assuming you came here because you need a place to stay?” She said. 

“Yes, I need a place to stay just for a while but I don’t want it to seem like I’m just using you I can find somewhere else,” 

“Now it’s fine stay as long as you need but my dad gets back at the end of the month and we both know he doesn’t like you,” She chuckled at the last sentence and I laughed too. 

I was on the ferry heading towards Staten Island now. I knew the sale was for these weird alien shits but that's pretty much all I knew. I figured I’d sort of “out bid” the buyers then get rid of everything. By outbid I mean straight up steal. Some guy in a white pickup truck is officially my target. Thorn was still on hiatus. Meaning no knives unless you count the pocket knife I always had on me, no suit. I did have a trejo though, you know just in case. I couldn’t help my mind from drifting to Pop Smoke’s “I got it on me”. I let out a small laugh.  

I was hiding behind some car waiting for a crack in the plan to slip in. 

That was until Spiderman showed up. It’s like he had a sixth sense to ruin all of my plans. 

Shit 

Well abort mission. Just as I started walking around to get to the side of the boat. The van I was next to had Vulture literally coming out of it. I knew it’d looked familiar. 

I made it up to the top deck looking down on everything unfolding. So a quick rundown,  the FBI was here, meaning Tony Stark or someone with government clearance probably did something because I highly doubt that Spiderman, the Spiderman that I’ve seen hit a window like a bird while swinging, had any government clearance. 

See now I was looking to find a good time to make my escape. That was until that purple alien shit started spewing stuff beams of light through the ship. And fuck, I look away for one second and the new Shocker guy was gone. I turned around and saw he was running in another direction. I chased after him the rubber of my sneakers squeaking on the deck. 

I jumped down onto Shocker’s back sending us both to the floor before he pushed me off. I was definitely going to be sore tomorrow and I’m pretty sure I heard something pull in my leg. 

He jumped off onto the Vulture and I knew I couldn’t do anything anymore. Not like I was just going to shoot them down in public. I saw the light shooting down the middle of the ferry. I was gonna make a run for it but the loud squeal noise was so loud I fell over. Soon I was slung back into what I think was a bench not entirely sure I just knew it hurt like a bitch. 

I’m pretty sure I feel unconscious for like 30 seconds. 

But that was enough because the boat had already split in half and I couldn’t get to the deck or a lifeboat. However Spider-Man was frantically trying to get it together. 

I was trying to be hopeful because everything was looking up, as the parts of the ship got closer together but I think we all know the saying ‘what goes up must come down’ 

Over the ringing in my head I could assume that things were fixed because people were cheering. One thing that comes from cheering is movement and if I learned anything from the elevator it’s that moving in a very unstable metal death box is not a good idea. 

The ship was falling apart again until it wasn’t. It was pushed back together by I could only assume would be our government clearance guy Tony Stark. I looked out the window and yep there he was. 

As soon as I got on solid ground I called my sisters.

“Hiii!” I exclaimed. “Where are you, are you okay?” 

“Yes we’re fine, and where at grandma’s house like you told us to go to where else would we be,” I could almost hear the eye roll in Liyah’s voice. 

“Okay little Miss attitude stay there until I can feel everything out with dad,” 

“Alright,” 

“Okay I love you guys,” I said, getting a small “love you too” from Sapphire. 

“I know,” was the response I got from Liyah. I almost gasped the audacity of this child. 

“Say it back,” 

“Say it back,” She mocked, evoking laughter from both sides of the call. 

“Okay love you too byeeee,” She said hanging up. 

I smiled, I know as much as we get into petty arguments or try to annoy each other on purpose but I’d go to hell and back for those girls. And that’s exactly what I was going to do.

Taglist: 

@tomdiddlyumptious

[poutyhannie]

Also, I have no idea whether or not Jeongin is insecure or not (I don’t think he is bc have you seen that boy) but please keep in mind this is a fanfic and not reality.  It’s just really sweet to comfort a significant other.  

warnings: fluffy as jeongin’s hair, college student!jeongin, fem!reader comforting and loving jeongin, showering together

word count: +2k 

part 1, part 2

Wearily walking out of your lecture hall, you sling your burdensome backpack over your aching shoulders and prepare for the twenty minute walk back to your apartment.  It wasn’t unusual for a college junior to have moved from dorms and into an apartment but it was unusual for a college junior to not have a car.  

Because your university was in a densely populated metropolitan area, rent was through the roof.  Though school was easy and you could keep up your GPA with relative ease, ‘adulting’ was currently the most difficult part of living for you.  Taxes, landlords, jobs, and finding out what to eat consumed what little time left that you had.  Though stress and anxiety often left you drowning, you could find comfort in a very special someone.

His bright and cute smile meets you from across the courtyard, despite thousands of students milling about.  You exhale a sigh as relief floods your body.  Merely seeing Jeongin transforms your day.  

He makes his way towards you, dangling his car keys on a pretty little finger, a mischievous smile on his face.  “Did you really think that I would just let you walk alllllll the way home?” Jeongin asks, quirking his eyebrow.  You guys met in an advanced ancient literature class where the then freshman caught your eye.  You told yourself in the beginning that your interest for him was just because of his youth in a class for juniors up.  After all, your counselor didn’t even know if you could keep up with the class as a then sophomore.  But after you two were put together for a project, you quickly came to the truth that Jeongin was just so adorable and you had to squish his cheeks every day.

So you do.  He crinkles his face up and lifts his shoulders, uncomfortable at the public affection but you can tell by the glow in his eyes that he really loves it.  

“Yes,” you respond as you both start walking to the student parking lot, “I was gonna change into tennis shoes, actually.” Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Jeongin pout a little, readjusting his backpack so you quickly add, “I thought you still have a midterm left so I assumed you were gonna go back to your dorm to study.”

This seems to placate his pout and he turns his body to you, legs walking awkwardly in an attempt to not trip.  “That last midterm was today and I waaaaas going to go back to my dorms but,” he leans closer to you as his calming scent fills your senses, his nose scrunches up in the most adorable way, “I wanted to spend time with you, Y/n.”  

You mask your endeared smile with a scoff and poke his cheek.  Jeongin rolls his eyes walking straight now, seemingly annoyed at you patronizing him, but you know that deep down he loves it.  “That’s good, babyboy.  You wanna sleepover?” You ask, peering intently at him.

He smirks as if that were his plan all along, “I packed clothes for it,” he says, gesturing to his backpack.  Jeongin grabs your hand, surprising you at the bold move, cutely swinging it around before smiling widely at you.  “You’re all finished too, right?  If it’s alright with you, my parent said they’re okay with me staying here over break to study but honestly, I just wanna be with you.”

At that, you can’t contain your smile, looking up to meet his playful gaze.  “Did you tell them that you’ll be staying with me?  Don’t make them pay for dorms if you’re not using it.”

Jeongin rolls his eyes, “Yeah, yeah,” he says, waving his free hand around, “I told them I wanted to stay with you.  You seriously sound like my mom though.”

In mock anger, you slap his chest as he pulls out his keys, laughing.  

The car ride to your apartment is literally five minutes and you’re so thankful that you don’t need to pass that creepy alleyway to get home.  Your apartment is at the top of the building, small, and basically empty other than your books, clothes, and shoes at the front door but its cozy when Jeongin is around.  He runs to your bedroom and jumps on your bed, smiling widely at you.  “What’dya wanna watch, Y/n?  Or we could cook.  Are you hungry?”

Though you intend to fling your backpack far into the closet, you don’t really take into account how freaking heavy it is so it thumps down halfway to its destination.  Groaning, you kick it all the way to the back of your closet and let out a sigh.  Making your way over to the bed, you try to ignore Jeongin’s concerned gaze.

“What’s the matter, Y/n?”  He asks cautiously, laying a big, clumsy but warm hand on your shoulder, “Did I say something?”

Pressing you lips in a firm line, you shake your head, guiltily looking up at Jeongin.  “I’m just really drained from that last midterm and my professor hates me so I really needed to do well so that she’d give me an A so that I can keep up my GPA for my scholarsh—.”

Jeongin presses a light, unsure kiss to your lips, making you lift your eyebrows in surprise.  “I’m sorry, Y/n, do you wanna take a shower to forget?”

A knowing smile spreads across your face at the cheeky boy.  “Now I see why you wanted to sleepover, Innie,” you say, laughing, “Sure, let’s take a shower, babyboy.”

He excitedly jumps up and grabs your hanging towel and and rushes to the bathroom.  Chuckling to yourself at his cute antics, you grab a pair of panties and root through Jeongin’s backpack for his boxers.  You pull out a pale yellow pair that has little green hearts all over them, smiling.  Having Jeongin here really lets you calm down and relax.  He almost alway seems to know what you want and is more than willing to give it to you.  

Almost always.  

After making your way into the bathroom, you’re met with a beautifully bare Jeongin, his faint abs in full view as water flows down his face and over his shoulders.  Seeing you, he covers his stomach with his arms while the hot water steams up the mirrors.  

You tsk your tongue, striping and stepping into the shower.  Gently removing his arms from his stomach, glaring up at him, “No, baby, we’ve talked about how much I love your body.”  

Jeongin’s cheeks fill with blush and it spreads down his neck.  He doesn’t look at you.  “I know, it’s just-I’ve seen your ex around campus gym and it just makes me a bit insecure sometimes, ya know?”

Sighing, you pump body wash onto your hands and begin stroking Jeongin’s wet arms, trailing up and down and into his collarbones, down his chest before resting your palms flat on his stomach.  “Look at me, babyboy,” you whisper, gazing softly up at him through the water.  Eventually, his wandering gaze finds yours and you tilt your head to the side, smiling up at him.  It breaks you to see how sad his eyes are though he wraps his arms around you.  “I don’t care about my ex.  I broke up with him for a reason.  You know what that was, Innnie?”

He shakes his head, eyebrows furrowing as he tries to hold back his emotions.

“It was because he was a fucking bastard.  I thought he was a genuinely good person but I was just wrong; he just wanted me for my body.  But you,” You tap his chest, “you’re a good person.  You’re so caring and considerate and not just to me.  You put your classmates and teachers first and everything around you feels your love, baby.  I fucking love you and it really doesn’t matter to me if you have something as silly as abs or not.”

The earnestness in Jeongin’s puppy eyes breaks you.  

“Plus,” you add, smiling, “I really do like your body.”

With that, Jeongin lets go into a wide, beautifully untamed smile, burying his face into your shoulder.  You’re not really sure if all of the wetness is from the shower.  Placing one hand on his head, running your fingers through his scalp, the other hand pumps some shampoo.  Gently, you begin massaging it into his hair.  He doesn’t lift his head.

“Babyboy,” you whisper, “you’re gonna get soap in your eyes like that.”

He begrudgingly lifts his head, a full, adorable pout gracing his lips.  You can’t help yourself; you press a delicate kiss on them.  Rinsing out his hair, Jeongin starts soaping you up to, smiling in spite of himself.  “Thanks, Y/n.  I really,” he sighs deeply, “I really needed to hear that.”

Closing your eyes, you let the feeling of Jeongin’s fingers in your hair take over your senses.  “Is that why you were acting so cute today?”  You ask, cracking one eye open to see his reaction.  

Jeongin flushes deeply, “No,” he denies, bashfully looking down, only to look back up quickly.

You smile, knowing the reason for his flighty gaze.  “Innie, you’ve seen me naked before, why are you like this?”

“I dunno,” he says, a dumb smile on his face, “You’re just really pretty that’s why.  And I was acting ‘cute’ because I was excited to be with you.”

You let out a groan at his overwhelming cuteness and nuzzle your nose against his.  “Lets finish up and cuddle, yeah?  How does that sound to my babyboy?”

Jeongin’s shaky breath fans over your face, “Actually,” he starts, causing your gaze to snap up at him, “I was wondering if we could…You know…”.  He trails off, averting his gaze.

A smirk spreads across your face but you quickly shoo it away in favor of a mock concerned expression.  “What do you mean, sweetie? I don’t understand what you want, babyboy.”

Jeongin's blush blooms from his neck up and spreads to the tips of his ears like a wildfire.  You know exactly what this brat wants and are willing to wait until he confesses.  “No-no.  Its okay, Y/n.  You’re right lets just cuddle.”

You roll your eyes, stepping out of the shower to towel off.  

You’re just in Jeongin’s sweatshirt and he’s in one of your shirts, sprawled out on top of you, his cheeks squished against your boobs.  He knows what he wants and he knows you know but this bashful baby won’t say anything.  Sighing, you sit up, causing Jeongin to roll off you, looking up at you wide-eyed.  Maybe you won’t wait till he admits it.

“I am fucking sick and tired of you acting like this, baby.”

The panicked puppy-eyes Jeongin gives you is almost too much to keep your angry act up but you push on.  “What were you gonna say in the shower, huh?  What was my babyboy wondering if we could do?”

Realization floods your baby’s eyes and his face turns red once again.  Knowing he won’t get out of it now, he stutters, “I-I just wanted—I was wondering if we could…You know, since we’re both done with school for now and we’re alone…Like-would you be okay with or do you want to…to like I dunno…make love?”  He coughs loudly, covering his face with a hand that you have to pry away.

“See, Kitten?” You murmur, voice dark.  Jeongin’s pupils blow out at the petname, “that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

He shakes his head softly and you reach up to gently stroke his blushing ears.  “Okay, Innie, when I come back, I expect you stripped and kneeling on the bed.  Can you do that for me, Kitten?”

Jeongin gulps and nods vigorously, scrambling to get hisyour shirt off.  “Can I please touch myself?” He begs, his pretty eyes wide and glossy.  Your stomach burns at the thought of your pretty little baby stroking himself and you nod, “Just no cumming.  I know you want to be good for me.”  Jeongin whimpers and nods.  You smirk and leave the room, leaving him to obey you.

[allsassnoclass]

OKAYYYY here we go: “First second I saw you and I couldn’t get over how beautiful you were.” mashton!!! steer that mashton ship baby xoxo bella

hm theoretically this would be a fluffy prompt but this is not a fluffy fic. subversion of expectations, baby!

mashton: “First second I saw you and I couldn’t get over how beautiful you were.”

Michael hasn't shared a room with Ashton in what feels like a very long time.  It's just easier to share with Luke or Calum instead, in the same way that it's easier to hang out with Luke and Calum, or talk to Luke and Calum, or exist in general outside of Ashton's proximity.  At every opportunity, he claims one of the others as his roommate, and typically Aston does the same.

They're both pretending that they don't notice.

It's not that Michael doesn't like Ashton as much as the other two, but it's harder to act normally around him since they almost kissed.

It just... had seemed like the thing to do.  Michael has long since acknowledged the fact that he has a crush, and he can recognize flirting when it happens.  To an extent, they all flirt with each other, but with Ashton it felt different.  Ashton doesn't typically drape himself all over them like the others do, but there have been these little touches that linger longer than should be normal, gentle brushes against Michael's arms or the back of his neck that make the hair on his arms stand on end.  There have been looks, too.  Ashton doesn't zone out while looking at people like Michael does, but that doesn't mean that Michael hasn't felt his eyes on him while they're hanging out.  Sometimes he has looked away by the time Michael turns to face him, but sometimes he catches him.

When he's caught, Ashton maintains eye contact, even if he's blushing.  Sometimes he winks.  Michael almost always looks away first.  That hasn't changed, even though everything else in their relationship now feels stiff and awkward.

Maybe Michael is the only one feeling it.  Maybe Ashton hadn't noticed that he was leaning in, even though it feels like they haven't had a direct conversation since it happened.

It had been late at night, because of course it was.  Michael's best and worst decisions are always made sometime between 2 and 5 in the morning.  Michael had wandered down to the kitchen, hoping for a late night snack and instead finding Ashton sitting on the floor, notebook in front of him.

"Hey," Michael said.  "Why are you up?"

"Thought I had something to say, but it's shit," Ashton said.  "What about you?"

"Dunno," Michael said, opening the fridge, hating everything he saw in there, and closing it again.  In the end, he just got a glass of water and sat next to Ashton.  The silence stretched between them for a bit, but Michael wasn't in a rush to break it.  Silences with Ashton have always been comfortable.

"I just wish I was better at this," Ashton said suddenly.

"What?"

"This whole... music thing."

"What are you talking about?"

Ashton shrugged, then gestured to his notebook, since closed.

"I can't write.  I want to, and I feel like I have stuff to say, but I'm just not good at it.  You'd think that after this long in a band I'd have picked something up."

"Ashton, you helped write our biggest hit to date," Michael said.  "You know, the one that was played on the radio all the time?  That was you."

"That was Jake and you."

"Shut up," Michael said.  "I'm not even going to dignify that with a response, because you're being an idiot.  Stop being so mean to yourself."

Ashton huffed a laugh.

"You're very comforting."

"Yeah, well, someone has to be," Micheal joked, bumping their shoulders together.  "Seriously, though, I can't reason with you when you're like this.  Everyone writes really shit stuff sometimes.  You can't produce too many hits or no one else would ever get any radio time."

"If you say so," Ashton said, but it was lighter than it had been.

"I do say so, and I'm always right, so you have to listen to me."

Ashton snorted, and that's what Michael had been looking for.  It wasn't derisive, it was a release.

"I will just this once, but know that it's against my better judgement," he said.

"Ha, ha."

Ashton had turned to Michael and smiled, just a little.

"I really appreciate you, you know?" he said.  "I know we all joke otherwise a lot, but you're really important to me, Mikey."

Michael swallowed, startled at the sudden change in atmosphere and steadiness of Ashton's gaze.

"I appreciate you, too."

There was that hint of a smile again, and the same weight in Ashton's gaze that appeared so often when he was looking at Michael.

Ashton's eyes had flickered down to his lips.  Michael's heart started beating double time, quick and powerful like one of Ashton's drumbeats.  Ashton swallowed.

Michael still doesn't know what had made him lean in, but he knows that it was the wrong choice.  Ashton had reared back, then immediately scrambled to his feet with a quick excuse about trying to sleep.  That had been weeks ago, right before tour restarted, and now Michael has to figure out how to survive the night in a hotel room with only Ashton for company.

Michael kills as much time outside of the room as possible, dreading having to retire for the night.  He hates Calum and Luke for immediately choosing to room with each other tonight.  He hates Ashton for pulling away and making things weird.  He hates himself for misreading things and leaning in in the first place.

Eventually he has to sleep, but only after a full minute of staring at the door with his key in hand, trying to psych himself up.

Ashton is laying on his bed with the TV on, but he's scrolling on his phone instead of watching.  He glances up immediately, offering Michael a strained smile.

"I'm going to shower," Michael says before Ashton has a chance to open his mouth.  He spends the next half hour in the bathroom, hoping that Ashton isn't insulted by how obvious he's being in his avoidance.

The lights are off when he gets back to the main room, and Michael finds himself relieved and strangely disappointed that Ashton didn't wait up.  He doesn't want to have to talk about what happened, but maybe they could've tiptoed around it in a way that wasn't excruciating.  Just because he doesn't want to talk to Ashton doesn't mean he can't miss him.

He slips under the covers, fully aware of the fact that sleep is not going to come easy tonight.  Ashton shifts in the other bed, lighting all of Michael's nerves on fire, and he feels the anxiety rise in him.

"Michael?" Ashton asks.  Michael considers staying silent, but it's much too soon for him to have fallen asleep and deliberately ignoring Ashton would be cruel, even if this is probably the rejection talk he's been dreading.

"Yeah," he sighs, defeated.

"I wanted to kiss you, too."

What?

Michael turns over, but he can't see anything in the darkness of the room.

"That's what was happening, right?"  Ashton asks.  "You were trying to kiss me?"

"Uh, yeah," Michael says.

"I didn't pull back because I didn't want you to kiss me.  First second I saw you and I couldn’t get over how beautiful you were.  I've had a massive crush on you this whole time, but I don't think it would be a good idea."

Michael swallows.

"Why not?"

He waits for what feels like forever until Ashton speaks again.

"The band.  If something went wrong, it'd change everything.  This--you, the boys, the music--means everything to me.  I can't risk that."

"I thought you've been trying to be optimistic," Michael says.

"Sometimes you have to be realistic instead."

Michael clenches his jaw and attempts to keep the whirlpool in the back of his throat down.

"I think..." he starts, then has to take a steadying breath, "I think it would've been nicer if you let me keep thinking you didn't like me, instead of telling me you do just to reject me anyway.  And I think you're wrong.  You're not being realistic, you're just being a coward."

"Michael--"

"I don't want to talk to you about this anymore."  He throws back the covers and swings his legs over the side of the bed.  "I'm going to sleep in Luke and Calum's room."

"Mike, wait--"

"Do you think you could change your mind?" he asks.  "Could you agree to give this a chance instead of deciding it'll be a disaster right away, or would I be fighting a loosing battle?"

Ashton is silent.  It's all the answer that he needs.

"I'm going to sleep with Luke and Cal.  See you tomorrow."

He leaves the room without another word, squinting in the jarring light of the hallway.

What the fuck was that?

Michael clenches his fists, then releases.  It does nothing to ease everything swirling inside him, a confusing concoction that he doesn't want to think about or make sense of.

What the fuck?

Luke and Calum's door is right there, but he can't bring himself to knock yet, too much energy thrumming through his veins.  He wants to scream.  He wants to punch something.  He wants to cry.

He wants to break onto the roof, and if he can't find a way to do that he's going to keep walking up and down the stairs until everything threatening to bubble up feels manageable again.

He already got rejected, so theoretically it shouldn't be as bad the second time around, but it is.  The first time Michael felt like he was a fool; now he knows that Ashton doesn't think it'd be worth it, that he would be worth it.

He can't keep standing here.  He forces himself to take one step, then another, and tries to focus on that instead of the tears stinging behind his eyes.

[saharamae21]

Vapor (Part 12)

Hey y’all. Sorry for not updating Vapor the past few days. I needed some time to think about where I wanted this to go. It was a good time to refresh and go into it with a clear head!

Word Count: 1.6K

Warnings: Mentions of Drugs and Abuse

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The accident sounded way worse than it was. John was released from the hospital and now we all sat quietly at The Wreck. I, of course, was a little worried. I was scared if the Pogues would welcome me back the same way they had treated me when I left. I did abandon them. They all smiled though. They told me they were glad to see me and that they hoped I got everything figured out. JJ slung his arm over my shoulder and I smiled. They were so nice to me and I couldn’t figure out why.

Then we were off. The conversation turned useful pretty quickly and we sped off to the old forts. We had to find where the old stone wall was. I stood on top of the hill, trying to imagine where it would be when JJ crept up behind me. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on my shoulder. The warmest of feelings filled me whenever this boy was around, my own personal ray of sunshine.

From the forts, we drove in the directions of the wall. We were on this gravel road that I remembered a little too well. Why did this seem so familiar? I grabbed JJ’s dab pen and took a hit of it while laying in his arms. I exhaled towards the roof of the van, receiving protests from Pope in the front seat. JJ chuckled and pulled me in for a sloppy kiss. His eyes were so dilated and huge. They were so pretty. I heard Kie dry heave next to us as JJ moved from my lips down my neck. I pushed him off and took another hit, needing the high. The nicotine ran through my body like electricity, giving me energy and fulfilling my needs. I let out my vapor again, this time breathing it in JJ’s direction.

“God, that’s hot,” he whispered deeply in my ear. I bit my lip and handed him back his pen. He took a hit of his own before returning his attention to me. “I could watch you smoke all day.”

We took a sharp left and then a stone wall came into view. Our stomachs churned as we got out and realized where we were. We stood in front of the Crain house. We all knew the rumors of what happened here. We all knew that it was the worst case scenario. Without much hesitation we snuck onto the property. This was 400 million in gold we were talking about. We couldn’t stop here. I walked through the garden, holding JJ’s hand as we went. I listened to John say he didn’t really believe the stories of this place. I did though. I listened to Kie joke around, causing JJ to speak up. He started telling us about how it was all true and how Mrs. Crain’s daughter used to babysit him. I listened to him tell his story and felt a sick feeling in my stomach.

Murder was not my favorite subject, so to say. I was definitely on edge and JJ knew it. He kissed the top of my head and pulled me into his arms. I listened to him whisper an apology and I told him I was fine. Then John told us that we needed to look for water and we decided to split up. Kiara walked away first. She was upset about the whole Sarah Cameron thing as she should be. John followed after her. Pope told us to take one section and he would go the other way.

“The decapitation quadrant,” JJ muttered. I swallowed hard and grabbed tightly onto his arm. He ruffled my hair and told me he’d protect me.

I was almost relieved when we found nothing. The whole area we checked had no sign of water and I let out a sigh of relief. JJ pulled me into his arms and held me tightly. He knew how much anxiety this had given me and just wanted to make sure I was alright. Just when my anxiety had drained away I heard John B call out.

“Hey, psst! Hey, come on. It's the only place we haven't looked,” John B said, crouching in front of what looked like a cellar entrance. We walked over. I shook a little as I looked at it. I was not going into the basement. I couldn’t do it. JJ told me he would be right next to me, but it didn’t help. This was all too much. My inhales became sharp and JJ told me I didn’t have to come. He told me to stay and keep watch. I nodded and stayed outside the door. I listened to them bickering back and forth inside. I wanted to know what was going on, but I couldn’t bring myself to go in. I listened to Kie and John arguing and closed my eyes. I wanted to be with my friends. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I do it? It was just a cellar…

When they came back out, Kie was silent. John was raving about a plan with Pope. But JJ, he came straight to me. He kissed me sweetly and wiped the tears from my eyes. I could tell that he knew I was upset with myself. He pulled me into his arms and whispered how proud he was. He whispered to me that I was strong and that it was a working progress. He told me that I shouldn’t push myself too much.

After that I felt pretty tired. We went back to the chateau and I plopped down in the spare room. JJ laid down next to me and pulled me into his chest. The smell of weed and mint filled my lungs. As soon as he had his arms around me, the bad energy drained out of me. He was better than any chemical I could put into myself. I closed my eyes and drifted off.

This wasn’t my usual dream… This is home. I was in my room on The Cut. It was small and there wasn’t much in it. It was later in the day, probably around 8pm. I heard a knock at the door and ran over to get it. I used to love greeting people. When I opened the door, JJ was in front of me. His blonde hair was sticking to his forehead from sweat. Blood dripped down his face and onto our welcome mat. “JJ!” I yelled and tried to wipe the blood off of him. He pushed my hands away.

“You’ll get dirty, Addie. Stop,” he said. I let him in and he was just going to freshen up in the bathroom, but my mom saw him. She knelt down in front of him and tears filled his eyes. Whenever my parents were nice to him, it would trigger waterworks from the boy. He didn’t know what kindness was. My mom helped him clean up and gave him a cupcake that we had for dessert. I remember him smiling and eating it happily. I remember him coming back, day after day, bloodied and bruised. Why hadn’t I done anything for him sooner?

I woke up and he was peacefully asleep next to me. He’s had the same expression in his sleep his whole life. It was innocent and adorable. I laid there and admired him for a second until I heard John B call for JJ. I leaned over JJ and placed small kisses all over his face. He woke up, smiling. He pulled me into a kiss. One of the kinds that make you not want to leave bed. I pulled away and told him that John B wanted him. My guess is that he needed JJ to go get Pope or Kie. We walked out of the room and JJ went to JB. He told me he would be back soon and walked out. John also told me he would be back. I waited on the porch for everyone, but to my surprise, there were now six instead of five.

Sarah Cameron sat on the couch next to John and eyed me for a moment and told John she didn’t know I’d be here. I rolled my eyes at her as I walked past. I don’t know why she was still upset when we both clearly were not into Topper. I sat next to J and leaned my head on his shoulder. I listened to John explain what was going on and I listened to Kie protest.

“I gotta say, I'm just a tad uncomfortable with all of this,” Pope added, shifting uncomfortably. He was siding with Kiara. I think most of us were siding with Kiara.

“When are you not?” John snapped back.

“I dunno. I rode here on the back of JJ's bike pretty comfortably,” Pope shot back.

“It's true. Most relaxed I've ever seen him,” JJ backed him up. I chuckled and asked JJ if I should be jealous. He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and said I had nothing to worry about.

I could sense the tension in the room as Kie and John B went back and forth. I knew that this wasn’t going to be something that was completely settled, but when Kiara told John B that it was her or Sarah, I knew this wasn’t going to end well. John was an indecisive guy. He wanted the easy things in life and in his head he didn’t see what was wrong. He didn’t see the pain he was causing Kiara the past few hours and I honestly didn’t know if he cared that much. He was too focused on himself. He went for the Hail Mary and said he wanted both. I rolled my eyes and listened to the boys besides me snicker. That was enough to push Kie past the point of caring and stormed out. I followed her, telling JJ to knock some sense into his friend.

Just when I came back, everything else began to fall apart… And no one could predict what happened next.

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Tag List : @jjmaybangme @thebendslikebendover @justcallmesams @jellyfishbeansontoast @prejudic3 @jjtheangel @jiaraendgame @obxmxybxnk @waywardbarbie @talksoprettyjjx @bb-tings @agirlwholovescoffee-blog @thoughtsofthestars @outerbankslut @potterheadhollander @baby-pogue @obxlife @queenofthebees003 @rockyyc77 @beth-winchester21 @outerbongs @sunwardsss @ilovejjmaybank @kaelyn-lobrutto24 @jjmaybankwildtimes @canibeoneofthepogues @raekenliar

[its-pronounced-quoassoint]

Power Rangers AU-Chapter 7

Pairings: romantic Logicality, Prinxiety, Demus, Remile

This Chapter Features: Patton centric storyline, YouTuber!Patton, discussions of a fake fanfiction about Reddie

This Chapter Warnings: swearing, falling from a building, fighting, allusions to anxiety, a transphobic comment, fainting/passing out, use of the word slut(1 time), sympathetic Deceit and Remus

Credit for this AU goes to @when-day-met-the-knight (specifically this post)

If you would like to be added to the taglist for this fic please let me know in reply!

This chapter is long, I didn’t expect it to be so long and to take so long, but this quarentine is not going so good for me. I’m gonna try and get another chapter out soon, but we’ll see. Sorry it’s so long, but I don’t want to split it in half. Anyway, please all of you stay safe and virus free!

First Previous Next

Chapter 7-Blank

"Okay, this is our last shot to figure something out about Virgilius before we can't predict when he's gonna show up again!" Thomas yelled.

"Correct. We have to make this count!" Logan agreed.

Patton and the others nodded and continued running to the sight of the breach. It was a nice Wednesday afternoon and Virgilius had apparently decided to let them finish the school day before attacking. As October drawled on the nights became just a little chillier with the ocean breeze swirling through town. Patton was naturally a faster runner than the others so Logan had assigned him to racing ahead, getting to a high vantage point, and helping him assess the situation.

Patton rounded a street corner and arrived at the little crossroads in the city where many restaurants had outdoor seating and a lot of public activity. Now, the usually quiant area, had a giant rip in space and time the was pouring out monsters like an open wound. Patton summoned his bow, spotted a perfect building roof just next to him, and shot and arrow. As the arrow flew to the roof, a pink lasso type of string extended from it, and once the arrow landed, Patton was pulled into the air.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, when the heck did you get grappling hook arrows?!" Remus shouted.

"Training on Sunday. I found out I could summon them!" Patton replied.

"If you had been there you would have seen it." Roman remarked.

Patton reached the roof and climbed over the ledge, running across so he faced the square. Monsters were piling out of the breach and pedestrians were all around, cowering and screaming. Patton knocked an arrow back and began firing at the breach.

"Yeah well," Remus paused. "I was busy."

"What could you have possibly been doing?!" Logan asked.

"More like who could you have been doing." Roman mumbled.

"Heard that." Patton chastized.

"Are you slut shaming me right now?" Remus asked incredulously.

"I dunno are you being a s-"

"Shut it you two!" Dee barked.

"What do you see?" Logan asked.

"Pedestrians are everywhere, it doesn't seem like the minions are engaging with them, but if we don't hurry I think they might." Patton explained, firing another arrow.

"What's the call?" Roman asked.

The rest of the Rangers entered the square and looked to Logan expectantly.

"Are they looking to leave the square or are they staying here?" Logan asked.

"Staying here."

"Alright. Here's the plan. Green and Yellow, you two handle the minions around the outside, any of the ones that look like they're ready to attack civilians or ones that might leave the square. Black and Red, you two cover the breach. I'm going to try and direct civilians out of the square and behind the Twisters. Pink, I want you to cover my flank so the others don't have to worry." Logan explained. "Got it?"

Everyone gave an affirmative response.

"Okay." Logan nodded back.

The Rangers broke off. Remus and Dee ran in opposite directions, handling any straggling monsters that strayed from the rest. Roman and Thomas ran forward, slashing through the monsters that hoarded around the breach. Logan raced to the restaurant side of the sqaure, and began helping pedestrians up and getting them running to the alley that let out behind Twisters.

Megan's working today. Patton remembered, his stomach dropping a little. She's in that Twisters. Patton didn't want to think about her possibly getting hurt and continued to try and focus on helping Logan safely transport the pedestrians, but he found it more difficult than usual.

"Hey, so, did you ever come up with a new name for these things?" Remus asked.

"What?" Logan scoffed.

"I hate the word minions, you know that. Those yellow demons plague my nightmares. So, can we please think of something else!" He whined.

"I think just referring to them as monsters is fine." Logan replied.

"That's because you have no imagniation!" Roman, ever the one for dramatics, accompanied him saying this with a slash of his sword and triumphant stance.

"I have-" Logan stooped down to help a small child and their mother out of their hiding place and directed them to the twisters. "an adequate amount of imagination."

"Thinkin' about Patton without a shirt on, is not imagination." Remus sighed.

"Green!!" Thomas, Roman, and Dee scolded.

Patton tried his best to stay focused on helping protect the pedestrians, but he found it more and more difficult, however he didn't think the others' conversation had to do with it.

"Anyway, back to what I was saying earlier, I hate the word minion I say we call them something like, Witchlings!"

"Witchlings?" Thomas asked. "Explain."

"Well ya know, Dragon Witch, Witchlings. It sorta works." Remus shrugged.

"Can't we just stick with monsters?" Logan sighed.

"No!" Remus practically howled.

"Patton how does the breach look now?" Roman asked.

"Um," Patton turned. "Monsters are coming out much slower, and you've lessened the amount quite a bit, but I wouldn't take any chances."

"That was the last of the pedestrians." Logan informed. "Green and Yellow, join me and close in around the breach. Pink, I want you to take over for those two."

"On it!" Patton replied, lowering his bow and searching the sqaure.

He assumed the others were following Logan's orders and tried not to worry. Patton found a monster and pulled an arrow back, firing directly between its shoulder blades. The monster turned to ash. Patton looked around again and found another straggler heading for one of the restaurants.

"This looks like the last of them!" Thomas called.

"Okay, stay on your guard everyone, we all know what happens next." Roman said.

"Do your best to recall anything that happens, all of this interaction could be important." Logan reminded.

Patton affirmed the directions and turned his attention back to lookng for any monsters that left the pack. Then a chill went down his spine. Patton stiffined, the hair on his neck stood up and a bad feeling washed over him. Something is wrong.

"Heya Pink. We don't really get to talk much do we?" A dark voice said behind him.

Patton whipped his body around and came face-to-face with Virgilius. His crown even more daunting up close. The bad feeling only got worse. It was unnatural. Wrong. Patton wanted to get away as fast as he could. To his legs that apparently meant stepping back far too much, tripping on the side of the building, and falling.

He screamed. The wind rushed by him and he felt weightless as he fell. He wasn't thinking. All that ran through his mind was that feeling of uneasy wrong that hit him in the chest. It spread and overwhelmed his senses. His unfocused manner and inability to grasp the situation only made him more worried.

Then the wind stopped. He was in someone's arms so quickly he felt whiplash in his neck. His eyes were still unfocused but he could see and register Remus's green armor. Patton pulled in closer to Remus and grasped what he could.

"Pat are you okay?" Remus asked.

"I-" Patton paused. "yeah, I-I think I am."

Patton released Remus from his hug and allowed him to set him down. The feeling was lessened, but not completely gone. It was almost like phantom pains, not his feelings, but the affect someone else's feelings had on him.

"Aww Pink, why'd ya leave so soon. I was just getting started." Virgilius practically cackled from the roof.

Patton turned back up to him. His eyes caught the gaze of the six purple ones and he tried to read any emotion behind them. Nothing. Unable to see any of Virgilius's other features, Patton tried to focus on his posture. Relaxed, almost lazy.

Patton's attention was torn away. He felt a content and calming feeling push into him. It was frantic though, as if someone was trying desperately to make him feel good again. To take away the fear that Patton worried could consume him. When he registered the arms wrapped around him Patton turned to face Logan who was holding him tightly. Logan buried his head into Patton's shoulder. He wasn't used to Logan hugging him. Typically in times of distress one of the two would place a comforting hand on the other's forearm. This hug though, it was new and certainly welcomed. Patton realized he should proabably hug back, and did so with great enthusiasm. However, almost right away Logan let go.

"I'm sorry." He said, his voice level, but on edge. "I-I suppose I was scared. I'm not entirely sure why though, even if Remus didn't catch you, with your armor being so protective you would have suffered a broken bone or two at the very worst. It's illogical for me to feel so worrisome over such a fall."

"Aww." Patton reached out to hold Logan's forearm like he had done so many times before. "Guess I'm just turning you into a big ol' hugger huh?"

"I wouldn't have phrased it like that, but I guess more physical affection is something I have been growing more accomadated to. Especially with you." Logan's voice had grown more shaky as he said this, but it only made Patton's heart melt.

"That's friendship my dear Blue." Patton chuckled.

It was quiet for a little bit too long.

"I'm sorry am I too far away, or did Kirby here just friendzone this poor guy?" Virgilius yelled from his vantage point.

"What?" Patton squeaked a little more than he would have preffered. He looked over to see the other Rangers in various states of frustration.

"We don't have time for this." Logan scowled. "Red!"

"Right!" Roman let his hand fall from where he had it on his forehead. He looked up to Virglius. "Prince Virgilius! Your reign of terror ends here! You've done nothing but wreak havok. The terrorizing of these people stops today!"

"Uh-huh, okay, and what makes you think that? Hm? You haven't stopped me in the past, and nothing about today makes your odds any better. What could possibly make you think today is the day?" Virgilus yelled back.

"Well-"

"What did you think about Richie and Eddie leaving?!?" Remus called up to him.

"What are you doing?" Roman turned on his brother.

"Trust me." Remus said.

"What?! No, why would I trust-"

"Roman, trust him." Dee cut in. "We talked about this we know what we're doing."

"I'm sorry what?" Virgilius asked.

"The last chapter was posted yesterday. I'm sure you read it." Dee stated, Patton didn't like how calm he was.

"Richie and Eddie left Derry, together. With the others." Remus began explaining. "It came out of nowhere. What did you think of it though? Be real."

"I-I-" Virgilius pulled his hands to his chest and stepped back. "I don't know what you're-"

"Yes you do." Dee stopped his rebuttal. "Downright ended and we know you read it. Just tell us what you thought."

It was quiet.

"Guys, this isn't-" Roman started.

"I liked it." Virgilius said, albiet hesitantly. "I know a lot of people in the comments weren't too pleased because it seemed like leaving Derry diminished the whole point of their recovery together. If they were just going to leave anyway, why spend so long trying to regain the love for the things that they had before."

It was silent again.

"But I thought it made sense." Virgilius continued. "Richie and Eddie spent a lot of time trying to reconnect with their town, but it only really made them want to go back to the past. When things were easier. Not go forward with the new lives they wanted to start together. Being together made it different. It made them realize how moving on and away from Derry wasn't running from their past, they had already accepted the past for what it was. Instead, leaving Derry together was a way of starting a new. Not burying the past, but no longer letting it affect them."

The air was still. Patton had no idea what to do other than think, I need to read this fanfiction apparently.

"So you figured me out!" Virgilius stirred them from their dazes. "What was the point of that? You got me, good for you, what are you doing just rubbing it in?!"

"No!" Dee stopped him. "I swear we're not. We-uh-we were curious. I mean, I never read fanfiction, but the ending to that one stuck with me and I've been trying to figure out why. It just seemed like a pointless build up to some kind of half-assed epiphany. Like the writer had tossed the last six chapters out the window. I was so confused about why she went that way."

"And I thought about the same thing as you!" Remus cut in. "It made sense to me when they left, it just felt more like they were leaving becuase they didn't know how to be together in a town where they didn't feel loved. Derry didn't love them and they loved each other too much to let the town get in the way. Leaving was their best chance at being with each other, being where they wanted to be."

"They just wanted to be happy together." Virgilius seemed to agree. "It didn't make sense to stay somewhere that was training them to stay apart. Being together was what made them happy. All they really wanted was each other and the rest of the Losers' Club."

Another beat of silence.

"Virgilius!" Dee got his attention. "I know we're supposed to be fighting, but I don't want to. Whatever you've been told about us, about how we're liars and cheats, it isn't true. Uh. . . to an extent. We're not perfect, but I'm sure whatever is going on up there, we can help you with."

"He's right!" Patton decided to step in. "We aren't always the best, but we try to be. I don't know what's going on with you, but I can tell that something isn't right. He means it when he says we can help. We help each other, and we help ourselves. We'll be here to help you too."

It was still again. Patton thought he could feel the exhaustion coming off of Virgilius. The weariness grew as they talked to him. It was ridiculous though to think that, how could he sense the prince's emotions from that far away. Patton couldn't see his face, so why did he feel so tired of the fighting. It wasn't his tire though, it wasn't like Logan's exhaustion, or Roman's, or any of the other Rangers'. It was foreign, and strong.

Virgilius screamed.

It was close to hellish. All of the Rangers went to cover their ears and block it out. Patton kept his eyes trained on the prince. He tried desperately to see what was happening, only to find a thick, black, inky aura beginning to surround him. It pulsed and expanded, circling Virgilius's body. Virgilius began to rise into the air, his arms and legs limp, his face still shrouded in the shadows of his crown. His eyes were no longer a glowing purple. Virgilius's body began floating to the ground, slowly and steadily, moving with the aura.

His feet his the ground and the aura exploded. It covered the entire square, encompassing everything in a shroud of blackness. Patton could still see, but it strained his eyes as he tried to find Logan's arm to hold. The screaming stopped suddenly.

"You insufferable brats!!!"

Patton looked to the source of the voice and realized he was no longer standing. None of the Rangers were. The only one standing now was Virgilius.

"Do you know how long it has taken to perfect this thing?!! Perfect my army?!!" It was a woman's voice Patton realized. The voice was domineering and overbearing with a lower undertone that followed, like it was being echoed by a demon.

Finally Patton got the strength to look up at Virgilius. He sucked in a breath of shock as he saw the hood had falled, the crown now being the only thing on his head. He could see Virgilius's face! Patton began attempting to burn it into his memory. His jaw was round, not very defined, his cheeks were a little puffy, but not as much as his own. His cheekbones were very defined however, almost unnaturally so. The first pair of eyes were small, they sat about eye brow level, then the main set of larger eyes, and finally the smallest set right below the middle ones. The outline of his eyes was like his cheekbones, unnaturally sharp. His hair fell to the left of his crown, down to the center of his middle set of eyes.

Virgilius's eyes aren't glowing purple, Patton remembered. He stared up into Virgilius's eyes. His irises were a bright angellic white and his pupils a darker than night black. It was just as unnerving as before.

"Oh I thought I had seen the last of you but you're just so persistant aren't you! It's stupidity is what it is!! It's not human nature, it's not being good people, it's not trying to help those who can't help themselves!! It's stupidity!!!" The voice screamed. "You're all so stubborn and stupid!!!"

"Ngh-" Patton heard Thomas from just a few feet away. he was shuffling around, likely trying to get to his knees. "You're going to lose! And this boy that you're using as a little pawn isn't going to be yours much longer. He's not weak and you're not in control."

"Oh . . . you're not new." The voice replied, almost bored. "How dissappointing. You won't last very long you know. And these kids you've got as the new Rangers, they aren't going to last either. You may be stubborn enough to stay alive, but you're stupid enough to keep fighting."

"And you're weak." Dee said with a strength Patton wished he could muster for himself. He begged and pleaded for his body to do more than look on.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me you sick bitch!" He yelled. "You're using him! Forcing him to fight us because you can't do it on your own. He's going to leave the twisted hold you have on him one of these days and there's nothing you can do about it. You won't even get down here yourself to fight us!!!"

"Dee-" Patton heard Remus struggle to speak.

"Boy, do you know how many worlds I've conquered? How many civilizations I've made my own?! Believe it or not, I don't care all too much about handling this planet on my own. There are other, more important places for me to be." The voice cackled, it sounded so much like Virgilius, Patton wanted to shrink away. "I don't care about Earth enough to fight for it in person. I can leave that to my little Works-In-Progress. Like this one. This place is perfect training for things like him."

"You can't keep doing this very long." Roman grunted. "We will stop you!"

"Oh please kid. I've fought much worse than you. You're nothing! At least the last Red Ranger was something worth fighting. She was certainly an opponent for my experiments. You though, you don't even come close." She snarled in return.

"Then why are we still alive?! Why are we still here, fighting you!" Logan huffed, clearly straining.

"Now Blue, your Ranger has always been something. Never the same really. I have to say, having a level headed one is a change of pace, but being the smartest in a room means nothing if you can't command respect! You hold yourself like even you can't stand the way you are. You act like you're on a higher level of thinking than others, but really you're just as much of an indiscisive mess as everyone else on this pathetic planet! You don't understand your feelings, you pretend you care only to know deep down you would do anything to be known as the smartest in the room, and to top it all off you're not even a real boy!!"

"Shut up!!!" Patton let out the words, not even realizing they were his own, but it was how he felt.

"Now here's our fighter. Pink. Unexpected sure, but then again, the hell you put yourself through in our own mind is much worse than I could ever really do. I'll give you props for that." Her voice was drowning Patton's ears. He was so angry, he just wanted her to shut up. "In fact, I'll give all of you a little credit. I've certainly thought about going the tear-them-apart-from-the-inside route, but you all are so self-destructive, you do it on your own!"

She was going on, but her words were muddled in Patton's head. He didn't know what she was saying and didn't want to. Then an idea came to mind. Patton tried his hardest, pulling all of his strength and will, he just needed to shut her up. He needed to do something other than sit there. He felt the determination bubbling inside of him, he felt the fear but he channeled, tried to force that fear to make him fight, not run. Patton summoned his bow. It felt so heavy in his hand. Everything was heavy, pulling him down, prying to keep him down. He lifted his torso, fighting the aching it gave him. Patton pulled his arms up, summoning an arrow, and knocking it back.

"Sorry Virgilius, but you gotta go for now." He said, it felt like he was yelling but only a whisper came out.

Then he fired, straight for the crown. In the blink of Patton's eyes the crown had been knocked to the ground. The black aura was gone, Virgilius collapsed to the cement, his eyes purple once again. Patton watched as the world tilted to the side, dimming. His head hit something hard, but he barely registered it.

It was black.

Virgilius scrambling, grabbing for the crown.

Black.

Virgilius again, until the boy disappeared.

Then fuzzy black again. Not like the ink. This blackness was welcoming, not overwhelming.

Patton felt a hand on his arm. He opened his eyes again and saw Logan, his mouth was moving but there was no sound other than the ringing. When did the ringing start? Patton asked himself. Logan looked so terrified. Patton didn't like that expression. Suddenly Thomas came into view, he was also speaking, but it was nothing Patton could hear.

Then finally, the fuzzy black. Patton realized he didn't like calling it black. His world wasn't black. That black, inky terror wasn't in his vision. It was more blank. That's the word, blank. Blankness. A blank world.

Patton let a smile fall on his face. He was okay with everything being blank. Just for a bit.

Taglist:

@tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors @maddarc @pheonix-inside-reblogs @thisismysanderssidesblog @almost-all-my-ships-are-gay @mostpeopleannoyme @the-smol-est @i-sexually-identify-as-a-mistake @nadja-chamack16 @too-bi-too-function @rainbowbowtie @mistypelt1234 @tricksterangel25 @authorized-trash @echocw @stripestar128128 @coffee-mugz @slitherynchicken

[simon-snows-pitch]

Happy Birthday, Simon Snow

 In which Baz is terrible at surprises, and Simon is filled with anxiety. AKA angst with a happy ending. 

I wanted to write a cute little fic for Simon’s birthday! And then I wrote 2200 words. Naturally, there’s a read more, or you can read it on AO3.

Simon

I can’t figure out for the life of me where we’re going. Baz has been acting strange all day (more like all month, if I’m honest). He’s been up even later than usual at night, I think, since he’s been waking up at noon every day. That’s not even mentioning the fact that he keeps ducking out throughout the day, off to run “errands.”

I think he’s cheating on me. Even just letting that thought in for a second feels like it’s going to break my heart. Or shatter it, more like. It makes a great big pit open up in my chest, and every time he disappears or doesn’t tell me something, that pit just gets bigger. It’s full of ugly things and makes me want to slam my head against the wall once or twice, just to knock things out of it. I dunno what to do.

We haven’t been this unstable in a while, since back before the battle at Watford. I don’t know how we’ve ended up back here. I’ve been trying. Trying my best to talk to him about how I’m feeling and getting out of the house and such. I’m even doing rugby. (Sometimes I still have bad days, maybe get a bit too buzzed before bed or lay on the couch all day, but I thought we were doing so much better.) I thought he loved me.

Maybe he still does. Maybe he’s just having a hard time with me—with all this. I became a bit of a wreck a while ago after . . . Well, after I found out that my dad—that the Mage was . . . let’s just say it’s been hard. But I kept up my video therapy appointments. I guess I did gain a lot of weight back from binging on crisps and whatever else I could get my hands on those first couple months after I found out about who my parents were. It’s not all off yet, but I honestly didn’t think Baz minded that much. Maybe I should have tried harder.

Anyway, this morning he announced over breakfast that we were going for a drive. “Going for a drive.” Is that like “we need to talk” in gay? He wants to drive so he doesn’t have to look at me when he tells me he doesn’t love me anymore, or he can’t stand the sight of me. I don’t know what I’ll do then. The lump in my throat has been growing ever since, making it impossible to swallow properly.

We’ve been in the car for nearly three hours, and Baz hasn’t said much at all. We’ve officially left England and crossed over to Wales, and he’s steering the car a bit south toward Cardiff, according to the signs. My anxiety is through the roof. (That’s what my counselor said is the proper term for describing a “feeling of impending doom.” To be fair, most of my life was filled with very real impending doom. I hope this isn’t one of those moments where it’s real.)

He’s made some small talk about the weather, but he’s tense and not won’t actually look at me. Maybe he thinks I’ll yell at him or cry if he breaks up with me. I can’t say I wouldn’t. I might even punch him. Well, not anymore. I would have before. I guess crying seems as likely as anything, given that just thinking about it is making the lump in my throat even worse and my eyes are burning. No. I won’t cry.

I’ve been thinking about what to say, but I’m no good at thinking. My counselor keeps telling me to just ask Baz what’s going on when I’m not sure how he’s feeling. I’m definitely not sure right now, but asking seems impossible. “Hey, Baz, did you finally realize I’m an utter tosser or that I can’t stop stuffing my face or that my life keeps falling apart?” I can’t. But I have to know, I can’t go on like there’s nothing wrong for months. I swear it almost killed me last time.

“Baz,” I begin, before I realize he’s parking the car at someplace called Forest Farm.

“Come on then, Snow,” he says, unbuckling his seat belt and springing out of his seat like it’s on fire.

I sigh heavily and pull on my hair for a minute, appreciating the little prickles of pain along my scalp. What if he confesses that he doesn’t love me and then just leaves me here, at a bloody farm in Wales? Fuck.

My door opens and Baz ducks his head in. He meets my eyes for just a moment before he tears away, saying, “We don’t have all day, Snow.” This is going to be the worst day of my life.

He’s walking away like there’s no tomorrow. I guess he means to get on with whatever this is then. I take a few deep breaths, then clamber out of the car and start following. I catch him up quick enough though, and then start practicing what I’m going to say. Baz, can you tell me what you’re feeling? Baz, you seem distant and I’d like to talk about it. Baz, if you’ve found someone else, you can tell me.

Finally I catch his hand and spin him round, and he looks a bit uncomfortable. I can’t even hold his hand anymore? I let go and practically shout, “Youdon’tlovemeanymoredoyou?” I stumble backwards, realizing I’m much too close to him. Maybe if I can back far enough away, it will hurt less.

His eyebrows are on the verge of meeting his widows peak. He doesn’t look cross, but something else. Confused? Or is just pity? “Snow, what on earth are you talking about?”

I can’t help myself, and it all comes spilling out. “It’s okay. I know—I mean, you’ve been gone for—well, not gone, but y’know, you’ve been out. And if you”—I try to gulp down the bile that’s rising in my throat—“if you’ve found another bloke, you know. Someone who’s not such a wreck or, I don’t know, skinnier, or whatever you want—I can—I c—” I slam my mouth closed, knowing that if I say another word I’ll either puke or cry.

I’m staring at a patch of grass like my life depends on it, willing myself not to come apart. He takes a step closer, and I can’t help but turn away. I start whispering to myself under my breath, “It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay,” as if saying those words will make them real for.

I can feel that Baz has walked up behind me, and he says, “It is okay, Simon.” Damn vampire hearing. He reaches out a hand to grasp my shoulder and try to turn me towards him. I don’t want to look at his face, but I’m too weak and I end up facing him anyway. He grabs both my hands with his, and his voice is soft when he speaks to me.

“Simon, it’s not—that’s not what I’m doing. I don’t want—”

Me. I shudder and close my eyes, but I’m too late, and a tear sneaks out anyway. I’m such a dick.

“Simon,”—is he breaking up with me with my given name? Really?—“Would you just look at me?”

I shake my head vigorously. I’m sure he thinks I’m being such a child about this, fuck, he’s probably right, but I just can’t look him in the eye while he does it. He sighs and makes some sort of strangely desperate grunt, then starts pulling me further down the path. I’m powerless to stop him.

“Here,” he says, stopping abruptly. “Would you just look up please?”

I don’t think he’s going to end this nightmare until I do, so I look up. And, for some reason, there’s everyone. Penny, Shepard, Agatha, and Minty. They’re all standing there, staring at me. I can’t believe this. I swing around to Baz, tears filling my eyes. “You want to break-up with me in front of all of our friends?” I croak.

Baz rolls his eyes sky high and mutters, “Crowley, give me the strength.” Then he looks back at me, holds up his index finger to the crowd of people come to witness my dumping, and pulls me back a little further into the woods. “Simon, look at me, love.” He places a hand under my chin, and I look up into his beautiful grey eyes. He’s looking at me like he loves me.

“Simon, I’m not breaking up with you.”

“You’re not?” I ask through the tears and snot I can feel running down my face.

He laughs a little, which only makes me cry harder. “No, no, no, no, no, love. I’m sorry. I’m just no good at this. It’s a surprise party. For you.”

I wipe my face on my sleeve, feeling thoroughly confused. “A surprise party? Why?”

Baz gestures at for me to sit with him on a nearby log, and I do. He grabs hold of both my hands again, seems to collect his thoughts, and then begins. “So after your, well, after the Mage passed, the Coven wanted to go through his research materials, right? That’s how we found out you two were related, right?”

I can only blink at him. I still don’t get it.

He plunges on ahead. “Daphne is on the coven, as is Penny’s mum. They found a little journal, but it was more like a baby book.” He takes a deep breath. “It was from your mum.”

“My mum?” I can’t believe there was something in his mess that belonged to her. “Can I see it?”

For some reason he sounds both sad and happy when he responds. “Of course you can see it, Snow. It’s yours, you don’t even have to ask. In fact,” he says, reaching into the inner pocket of his blazer, “I have it for you right here.”

He hands me a small parcel that’s been wrapped in bright blue paper with rainbow dragons on it. It looks a little silly coming from Baz, and I can’t help but crack a smile. “Can I open it?”

“Why are you asking me? It’s yours.” I immediately move to tear the wrapping off, but he stops me. “But first, if I may. Well, Daphne took the liberty of reading the first couple of pages and then flipping through, just to see what it was. And she showed me the first page.”

Something about that makes me itch—that someone else got to see my mum’s words before I did. I shove it away though as he gestures for me to open the journal. It’s bound in yellow clothes, with bright red roses stamped on the cover. I open to the first page and read: This book belongs to Lucy Salisbury. She’d written her name in pen and added several words of her own below. In honor of my darling rosebud boy, Simon Snow Salisbury, born 21/06/1997.

My mum. She wrote this. For me. A whole new swell of emotion is taking hold of me, and I can’t tell if it’s mostly happiness or sadness. It’s then that Baz reaches out one of his long fingers and gently touches the date on the journal.

“That’s today, Simon Snow Salisbury. Happy birthday, love.”

I look up at him. And Baz, my too-cool and too-perfect vampire boyfriend, is crying. At that, I lose control of myself entirely. I start sobbing harder than I have in a long time, but Baz is there in a moment, and wraps me up tightly in his arms. He rests his chin on my head and just lets me cry it out.

Once I’ve spent several minutes getting his shirt wet, I can finally catch my breath. I pull back from him for a moment. “Thank you, Baz,” I whisper.

“You’re welcome, Snow.” He pauses a moment to wipe my cheeks, and then a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. “Sorry I’m so useless at surprises that you thought I didn’t love you anymore. I was trying to get everything done without noticing. Magickly concealing this place, for starters. Then there were the reservations, the dinner, the cake—”

“There’s cake?!”

He grins at me, casts a Clean as a Whistle on both of us, and then pulls me close again. “Of course there’s cake, Snow. You think I’m going to deprive you of sweets on your birthday?” And then he leans in and kisses me, and I can already tell this is the best birthday I’ll ever have.

[totaldramafan-lauri]

Yearning

W-well...here it is. The product of two weeks’ work.

A couple months ago, I got inspired to start planning a multi-chapter self-ship fanfic, but since I hadn’t written detailed fic in literal years, I wanted to do an unrelated one-shot to kinda...warm up a little, to see if that’s something I really do wanna do...I’m still unsure if it’ll happen, but I did the warmup, and...it became this THING.

This is based on the Vampire!Spinel AU from @su-reader-imagines, which...I ended up liking, like...way too much. X///D I’m not even a vampire fan normally, but...maybe it was the Spinel part. >/////> I-I won’t link the specific post since there’s NSFW content in it and I don’t wanna make anyone read it if they’re not comfortable with that stuff, but...this story in particular has no blatant NSFW (just implied stuff).

Since I started off writing this for myself, I had planned for this to be self-insert, but then I decided to make it more reader-insert to match the original imagine. However, the first-person POV remained, so it’s...weird. The narrator isn’t mentioned by name and details about them are vague, but it’s still kinda my personality, so....it STILL might be more self-insert then reader-insert? I dunno, it’s kinda in the middle...I-I’m not used to this...

It’s probably obvious that I don’t normally make this kinda stuff, but I still did my best...I didn’t expect this to get as long as it did, but I’m a detail-oriented, overexplaining piece of crap, simply put. X////D

Even if nothing comes of this, I at least finished it, and I’m.....kinda p-proud of that, even if....it’s kinda embarrassing....S-so if you read this, I...h-hope y-you...enjoy.....>///////<

Now if you e-excuse me I’m gonna find a dumpster to hide in....

Yandere warning for the very end!

---

It had been a few days since then, but I was still reeling. A part of me was still in disbelief. That couldn't have been real, could it? I mean...something like that, happening to me of all people? I had always been down on my luck...Ignoreable. Average. There was nothing about me worth noting. Occasionally, something good would happen, sure...but nothing like that.

But then I'd look at myself in the mirror, and see the marks on my neck. And I'd be brought back to that night. It was real.

My mind would fill with overwhelming emotions whenever I'd think about it...and whenever I'd close my eyes, I'd see her there in front of me.

Looking back at me with red eyes, grinning playfully, her fangs showing. I'd see myself laying on my back, her hands all over me, as I let her do whatever she wanted...The heat in my body, rising....The sound of her voice, teasing me...

"Spinel..."

Her name, escaping my lips.

Luckily, no one was around to hear, but I caught myself anyway, snapping back to reality. I'd been standing there in the bathroom in front of the mirror for how long? A few minutes? And after I'd already relieved myself? I flushed in embarrassment. Get it together, I thought to myself. After splashing some water on my face, I went back to work.

Never before had work been so frustrating. I couldn't focus on anything. My pace was so sluggish that it felt like I was moving underwater. And I had to keep a poker face the entire time. I couldn't let anyone know what happened. They wouldn't believe me! They'd think I was crazy! And maybe I was, but I didn't wanna bring attention to it. I had already been getting some looks from coworkers due to my neck, but no one asked me about it. That was good. I tried to imagine myself attempting to explain in the sanest way, "Yeeeeaaah, I met an actual vampire and let her drink from me." Yeah, that wasn't happening. I hadn't believed they existed, either, until I met her.

I tried everything I could to distract myself, but the fluttering in my chest would just keep coming back...It was like she had left her mark on me in more than one way...

Even before I knew what she was, she still seemed like someone who would only exist in my dreams. She was lively and interesting, with a unique way of talking and dressing. Even her name was unique. She was charismatic, and confident...and she had a voice that you loved listening to. The way she could switch between playful and downright seductive...Just thinking about it...about the kind of things she said to me...

There was no way I was her first. She was way too good at that. But the very idea that someone like her could pay attention to me, and treat me so well...I should consider myself lucky to have spent just the one night with her...right?

So...what was this yearning I felt...? Was I really that needy...?

The memories were so fresh...Me and her, in the back room, making out, and her drinking from me...and then making me the happiest I had ever been in my life. In that perfect moment, I didn't want anything else. I just wanted to do whatever she told me to. I was hers, and hers alone...

I didn't expect to spend the entire night with her, but I was riding that high for so long. I didn't wanna leave her arms. The aftercare...I could still feel her icy hands trailing down my back. I could still hear her voice, cooing in my ear, telling me what a good girl I was...It had made me so happy, knowing I pleased her...

I remember all the little petnames she called me. My favorite was "doll". That was the one that made me feel the most...special. And I think she caught on to that, because she'd call me it again and again. I was her doll. At that time, I existed only to make her happy, and I was doing my job!

Spinel's doll...

"Stay with me a bit longer? Please~?" she asked, while gently rubbing my back.

"I...wanna stay..." I answered, still dizzy, "But...will we...get in trouble...?"

She chuckled. "Nah, we won't. I told ya, I know the guy. No one's gonna bother us, I promise~..." she assured me gently.

"OK...I'll stay then..."

I turned around and subconsciously scooted into her a bit more, wanting to be as close to her as possible. She didn't seem to mind, putting her arm around me and holding me from behind. My heart felt like it was about to burst...I'd never experienced this level of intimacy before, and this was just the icing on the cake.

"Mmmm, you're so warm, doll~..."

At that comment, I'm sure I got even warmer. I felt so weak, but so happy. We simply laid there in silence, with her occasionally breaking it to hum to me. Soon, I felt myself get drowsy. It was getting late, but...I didn't wanna move.

"...Spinel?"

"Yeah, doll?"

"I'm...getting tired...Is it OK if I fall asleep...?"

"Course it is. You've earned it, toots..." she spoke softly, "And don't worry...I'll still be here when ya wake up~."

After she gave her permission, I drifted off to sleep, which ended up lasting all night. And sure enough, she had told the truth, as I woke up still in her arms.

And I panicked.

I jolted upright and frantically checked the time. I didn't know it would be all night! Oh crap! How would I explain myself!?

I told her I had to go.

"Why?" she asked.

"Because my mom's probably worried sick about- er", Did I really just reveal to her that I still live with my mom? "-I live with my mom, and I've never stayed the night without saying anything, so-" I felt increasingly awkward with every word that came out of my mouth. "And, and...crap, I have work! Wait, that's tomorrow..."

She tried to calm me down, but at that point, I couldn't. My anxiety was through the roof. This was supposed to be a simple trip to a bar, to try something new. But I ended up staying the night at the place with someone I just met. And it was incredible. But now that it was over, everything catching up to me, I just felt bad. I felt...guilty. I took up so much of Spinel's time. She was most likely most active at night, and I kept her in one place for so long. And compared to her, I was practically nothing. I didn't deserve any of that...but she gave it to me anyway. I was a piece of crap who wasted her time.

So all I could do was apologize. "I-I'm so sorry!" I cried out, jumping to my feet. I wobbled a little before steadying myself.

And...she let me go. She didn't protest at all, saying that it was fine, she wasn't keeping me there. She was calm throughout my freak out. She remained sitting in bed, at first with an amused grin...but when I apologized, she looked away. I couldn't see her face anymore, and her voice became more monotone than ever.

"You can leave if ya want," she said.

She didn't care anymore, I could tell. I overstayed my welcome for sure.

Before leaving the room, I turned around one last time, giving a quick but honest "thanks" for the incredible night together...and she finally looked back at me, with a slight smile.

And now...here I was. Stuck in a perpetual daydream, trying to keep myself together. A coworker's voice snapped me out of my memory of the last time I saw her. I quickly apologized, trying my darnedest to keep that poker face I always wore, but it was harder than ever.

Ugh, I'm such a mess...What did you do to me?

My mind was filled with questions. Just who was she? Where was she from? Was she born a vampire, or did she become one? How long has she been alive? What kind of things does she like to do? Does she have friends? There was so much I didn't know about her...I'd been too caught up in the moment to think about those things that night, but now, I couldn't help but feel curious.

I couldn't get her off my mind...As the week went by, I tried to piece myself back together. I tried to think rationally, telling myself to let it go, it'll never happen again, and so on. But nothing worked. The fluttering in my heart wouldn't stop. At first, I hated it, but now, when it was undeniable, I finally had to give in to my feelings...and I finally put together the words in my head that had been so obvious the whole time.

Wanna see her again.

I knew that could easily go badly, knowing me. I'd never been good at social situations, always opting to stay on the sidelines so I wouldn't embarrass myself. If I really knew what's best for me, I'd quit while I'm ahead, right?

But the more time passed, the more agonizing it got...I missed her voice, her touch, her eyes, her lips...everything. After only one night, I already felt so empty without her, so longing...I wanted to be her doll again. Was that so wrong...?

Wanna see her again...

For a while, I was being pulled in two directions, with another part of me shouting that it was a bad idea. Being brave is always a bad idea to me. But I couldn't help it. So I told myself, that, once the weekend came...I'd go with my gut, for once.

Wanna see her again...

---

This was a mistake.

Coming back here was a mistake. That's all I could think of as I sat there, alone, staring at my lap. Here I was at the bar again, but now what? Why didn't I have a plan?

I remembered why I don't come to these kind of places often - I always feel out of place at them. The kinds of people who go here are usually the polar opposite of me...loud, social, sometimes even aggressive, with eye-catching outfits...and there I was, trying not to stick out like a sore thumb. Maybe if I'm quiet, they won't notice me, I thought, I gotta not bring attention to myself...

"Can I get you anything?" an annoyed-sounding voice asked.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when the bartender spoke to me. When did he get there? I hadn't heard him approach! "Um, nothing! No thanks!" I said quickly. I wasn't here for the food or the drinks.

But the way the man looked at me told me I probably should have ordered something. I mean, who comes to a bar just to sit there awkwardly, right? I mean, besides me. Based on the clock on the wall, I had been here for...almost twenty minutes already? I averted my eyes and spun myself around so that my back was facing the counter, as if that would shield me from the embarrassment.

My eyes scanned the room, hoping to catch at least a glimpse of the one person I wanted to see. There were a fair number of people, but she was still nowhere to be found. I sighed, feeling my heart sink.

She had told me she came here twice a week, and it had been exactly a week since then, so...it would make sense for her to be here tonight, right? Or was she more unpredictable? She did seem like that type...Or maybe it was me. Maybe she was here, just avoiding me...No, no, that can't be it, can it?

I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, trying to expel that thought from my mind. Then I looked up again, watching people dancing to the music playing. My mind was instantly brought back to dancing with her that night, before she led me away. I had no idea what I was in for. All I was concerned with was dancing with this attractive lady and hopefully not making a fool of myself. I remember it feeling like the temperature in the room was rising...she had been so close...

I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. I thought that maybe, she'd like to see me again, since it had seemed like she liked taking care of me...but I was stupid to think that.

Did I really think I was worth anything to her? If I was, she wouldn't have let me leave so easily. She could've just as easily convinced me to stay. She had marked me. There was evidence I was hers. She could've told me I wasn't to leave without her permission. Or heck, she could've told me she was worried about me after how weak I'd been! But no. She was simply done with me after that.

I was just a food source, that's all. She just indulged me afterward because it was so obvious I was into her. She was humoring me. Why didn't I piece that together? Was I really that stupid? Just look at me!

I started chewing on my fingers nervously as my anxiety took control. Desperate, I scanned the room once again. Did that person just look at me!? I looked away, still chewing. I didn't just bring attention to myself, did I? Was I staring? I turned back around to the counter, looking at the clock instead.

A half hour. I'd been just sitting here doing nothing for a half hour. Great.

Thank god the place wasn't too packed. And that the bartender was pretending I wasn't there at the moment. It was then that I had a thought: maybe he knew her. I could've asked him if she was here. But no, that'd be too awkward for words..."Excuse me sir, is Spinel here?" Though I didn't fully doubt I wouldn't be the first to ask that...

Maybe...she's with someone else right now...

That thought hit me harder than anything else, and I finally started to break down. I leaned against the counter, my head in my hands, trying to compose myself for a few minutes. I couldn't stay here much longer...the music, the voices, the looks, I had to get out soon-

"Hello, nurse~"  

When I heard that familiar greeting, my eyes snapped open, and I slowly uncovered my face. Was it really...? There was no way I was hearing things, right?...After a couple seconds, I looked over...and there she was.

She was looking right at me, a playful smirk on her face, in the same way as I remembered. Her hair was back up in pigtails, too. It was like I had stepped back in time...I felt the heat rise to my face, my mouth hanging open. This was really happening. She was actually here! Now what!?

Say something! "Uhhh..." I cleared my throat. "Hey..."

She giggled. That alone caused my heart to do flips. "Well, gee~" she said, almost innocently, as she took a step toward me, "What brings your pretty face back to a place like this? Is it the drinks? The tunes?" she tilted her head, "The entertainment?"

I could tell she was teasing me. What I couldn't tell was whether or not she was mocking me. I knew I didn't fit in, but having it implied by her made me feel a bit embarrassed. Still, she had approached me...Just when I was worrying this was hopeless, she approached me, just like I wanted...Now more than ever, I wish I had a plan, because I felt like all I could do was sit there, my eyes fixed on her. I didn't know I would get this far...I was so sure I was fooling myself...

"Er...um, well..." I laughed nervously, "I-I know, I don't look the part...but that doesn't mean you gotta rub it in..."

"Oh, I didn't say there was anything wrong with that!" she replied, "I know that a lotta people have secrets to hide...And I'm sure you have your own reasons for bein' here~"

My own reasons...I felt my heartbeat pick up speed at that. She knows. Once again, I made it obvious. Every part of me was calling out for her, wanting me to spill out all my feelings to her...She's right there. Don't back down. Don't run away.

"Y-yeah, you could, say that I-ah!"

Just when I began talking, she leaned down to be at eye level with me. My body tensed up, and my words got caught in my throat. Her face was very close, to the point where I could feel her breath on my skin...She was still smiling, but there was an intensity in her eyes that I'd never seen before. I could only imagine how red my face was at that moment..."A-ah..." I didn't move an inch, but I looked to the side to see if anyone was watching us. It didn't look like it.

Then she reached out and touched my neck. I inhaled sharply as a shiver raced down my spine. She was just as cold as I remember, a sensation I didn't know I liked before...but I welcomed it. I had missed her touch so much...Her fingertips gently brushed against the spot where my marks were healing, and she stared there silently. Her other hand went to my thigh. The intimacy of the moment made me feel like I was gonna burst...

"Miss me, doll?" she spoke again, softly, as her eyes met mine.

I practically melted when I heard my favorite nickname again. I managed a nod. "Mhm..."

A hum. "Good..." she crooned. Then she leaned in further and kissed my cheek. It was small, but it was enough to make all my previous worries disappear...and make me want more. "C'mon," she patted my thigh before taking one of my hands in hers, standing up straight. I followed her lead and stood up as well. And, as if history was repeating, she proceeded to lead me to the back room, where it could be just the two of us.

I liked holding her hand. It felt...assuring, in a way. It made me feel like she really did want me here, and that coming back was the right choice. I didn't know what would happen next...Was she gonna drink from me again? Did she just wanna talk? Or will she...indulge me again? All I knew was that, for now, things felt right.

"S-Spinel?"

"Hmmmmm~?"

"I...I was wondering...uh..."

This was the time to start getting to know her better. I had so many questions for her, so many things I was curious about...but I was getting tongue-tied. Great. Why did I have to be so easy to fluster? It was getting difficult to put my thoughts into words, and I mentally kicked myself. I can't lose my nerve now!

She giggled. "It's OK, dearie~" she said, and squeezed my hand as we continued walking, "You don't have to say anything right now. Take your time. It's not like I'm gettin' any older!"

She laughed at her little joke, and I did, too. Her laughter was contagious. Either that, or I was so enamored with her that I'd follow anything she did. I couldn't tell yet.

But I still wanted to say more. Where would I even start, though? She was such a mystery...I guess there'd be time for that later. Yeah. Later, after I calm down. If she'd let me calm down, that is.

We entered the back room, and I looked around as she closed the door behind us. Had she taken anyone else down here since then? That was my first thought, but I quickly shook it out. It didn't matter. All that mattered was that I was here again. There was no one else here. It was just me and her. Me and Spinel. And Spinel was holding my hand right now...

Almost immediately after she closed the door, she suddenly pulled me towards her, and into a kiss. I squeaked in surprise, before closing my eyes and letting my feelings completely take me over. I felt her free hand trail up my back, slowly, softly, and I felt my whole body flush. This...this was what I had wanted...It was like I never left...

The kiss was short, too short. She pulled away, and I opened my eyes to see her smiling softly at me. It wasn't the teasing grin that she usually wore. She looked more...sincere. I smiled back, in complete bliss.

"I didn't think you'd come back", she said.

"You...didn't...?"

"No one does. It's always one and done with people", she chuckled softly, looking away from me. "They give me what I want once, then never come back. So I always gotta move on to the next one."

This shocked me. Was I really the first one to do this? No one else has ever come back after the first time? I found that unbelievable...I was such a coward...so why me, of all people?

"It gets lonely..." she brought my hand to her face, "even when I'm not alone, I'd still feel so lonely..."

My face fell as her words hit me.

Spinel was...lonely...?

She seemed to carry herself with such confidence, so I never would've guessed...She seemed like someone who would have many friends, and many people vying for her attention. Especially considering how good she was at...what she does...I guess being a vampire would lead to some difficulties with getting people to stick around? I guess not many people wanna experience that more than once...Did she scare them? I remember being scared at first...but she had taken such good care of me that I wasn't scared anymore...She wasn't intimidating, was she? How can someone not enjoy her company?

Was it, maybe...that no one felt they were worthy of her attention?

Already, I was learning more about her, and it wasn't what I was expecting at all...I wanted to help her, but I didn't know how. I was pretty lonely myself. Not many people could bring themselves to give a crap about me. Could it be...that we had something in common?

I didn't know what to say. I didn't wanna ask her about it. She seemed happy to see me, and I didn't wanna ruin it. So, I simply apologized. "I'm....sorry...."

And immediately, she looked back at me, and the playfulness returned.

"Awww, don't be sorry, doll~" she cooed, "Now I know that you're not like that! And that makes me so happy...knowing you're just as special as I thought you were~"

Heat rushed to my cheeks at her words. "I-I'm really not that special..." I tried my best not to stumble over my words, and began talking faster, "I...I just wanted to...to get to know you better, that's all. And I didn't expect myself to get this far, to be honest..." I forced a laugh.

"But you are special!" she disagreed, "Take it from someone who knows uniqueness when she sees it..."

She finally let go of my hand and wrapped her arms around my waist, pulling me close to her. She leaned down, bringing her face close to mine. My heart was about ready to burst out of my chest...

"The way you're lookin' at me right now...I've never seen anything like it."

Before I could say anything more, she brought her lips to mine in a passionate kiss, much longer and more heated than the last. I tried to kiss her back, but she completely overpowered me, denying me barely any room to breathe. I could barely even think as she made out with me, her hands wandering all over my body, claiming every part of me. She was so cold, but she made me feel so warm...I loved it. Finally giving in, I wrapped my arms around her, moaning weakly. She giggled in response, a noise I couldn't get enough of.

For that moment, it felt like she wanted me as much as I wanted her.

Once she pulled back, I was panting, elated, but a complete mess in her arms. I could only imagine what I looked like. I must've looked pathetic, my mouth hanging open as she left it, my face flushed, my eyes closed. My legs felt like jelly, so I leaned into her, resting on her shoulder as I caught my breath. She let out an airy chuckle, sounding breathless as well. I felt one of her hands stroking my back. I tried to collect my thoughts about what just happened. Holy crap that was incredible, you're so perfect, Spinel, thank you, I'm so sorry I left, I don't wanna leave again, I'll let you have me for as long as you want...I'm yours now, I'm yours...

I'd never felt so desperate for someone in my whole life...She was almost intoxicating. Part of me knew I should try and resist, try to be rational...but the rest of me didn't care. I'd been yearning for this all week, and all that frustration had finally paid off...

"How lucky I was to come across a dame like you", she spoke seductively into my ear, "So cute...so sensitive...and so...delicious~" she whispered the last word. I shivered, gripping her tighter as if it'll save me from melting into a puddle on the floor.

All I could do was whimper in response, causing another chuckle from her.

"That's right, doll, I mean every word..." she continued, "And ya came back, just to see me...You're such a sweet thing~. In fact," Both of her hands began wandering up my back, resting on my shoulders, "I missed ya more then ya thought I did...I missed holdin' ya like this...Touchin' ya like this...Do ya believe me? I've been so, so lonely...I missed ya, my sweet doll..."

'My sweet doll'. 'MY'. I felt my heart soar at her words. Spinel missed me...! And I made her happy...!

"...And now, I'm never lettin' ya go again."

Her voice suddenly took on a tone I'd never heard before...Darker, more growly, with her accent more pronounced. My eyes finally snapped open again as she aggressively jerked me back by my shoulders, pushing me into the nearest wall, pinning me there. My heart was racing a mile a minute as I could only look up at her. She was grinning widely, and not in her normal way. This grin was manic, predatory, and it made me begin to shiver. What was going on? What was she gonna do? I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. Warning bells were going off in my mind, but I was frozen like a deer in headlights.

And then, her eyes began to glow. Her red eyes were already one of her most noticeable features, but now, they were the brightest thing in the dark room. I squinted at the light, and instinctively tried to look away, but a hand went to my face, forcing me to look at it. I didn't know what was happening, but I would bear with it for her. And so, I braced myself. My first guess was that she would drink from me again, and I welcomed that thought. She was welcome to use me in that way if she wanted...

But nothing happened. As I continued looking at her, the tension in my body disappeared, and I stopped trembling. In fact, I began to feel weak in the knees. She wasn't saying anything, and she still got that reaction out of me...The sight of her face so close to mine, looking like she could ravage me at any moment...and I, the prey, was so helpless, pinned against the wall...This was an image I never wanted to forget.

With each passing second, I felt myself melt more and more, to the point where my legs started to give out. I slid down the wall a little, and then her hands went under my arms, helping me stay on my feet. But even then, it kept getting worse.

"S-Spinel..." I breathed out, attempting to speak, "I-I feel...I can't...." The sentences weren't forming. I felt my body grow numb, the only thing keeping me from collapsing on the ground being her arms...

"Shhh...Don't worry", she said, her voice as smooth as butter, "I got'cha~"

My vision was starting to blur, but I couldn't look away from her. Her gorgeous eyes were unblinking as she looked back at me, the eerie red glow making them all the more beautiful. I was putty in her hands...It was as if there was nothing else around me...nothing else that mattered. It was just her.

Just Spinel, the woman of my dreams.

My eyelids began to grow heavy, my body fully limp. With the last of my consciousness, I realized that this sensation wasn't normal. Was she doing this? I would've been scared had I caught on earlier, but now, I didn't care. I just wanted to stay like this...it felt so good...

"That's it...~" she purred, "Now, close your eyes for me...Just relax for a bit, and let me take care of everything~"

That was the last thing I heard before I closed my eyes, and quickly passed out in her arms.

When I woke up, I was in a place I had never seen before.

[fromthedeskofelizabeththird]

thērepōdos (II)

I heard ya’ll like Dimileths~

FE3H | Dimileth | Gen

~~

“You’re doing it wrong, come here...look.”

Dimitri frowns, watching as Sylvain lifts Alexei into his arms.

“The head goes here, look, like this!”

The protocol for a royal baby is clear, even if Alexei himself doesn’t know it yet. Now that a week has passed since his birth and both he and his mother are in good health, the time has arrived for him to be properly introduced to not only the nobles of the realm, but the people of Fhirdiad.

Some traditions are meant to be broken, though.

While the newly established heads of houses Gautier and Fraldarius were first through the gates, they were not the only ones to receive an invitation. So too did an innkeeper, four professors from the monastery, an opera starlet recently turned noble, two mercenaries and a mysterious hooded figure bearing the emblem of the knights of Seiros.

The ceremony to welcome Prince Alexei is two days from now, leaving every corner of Fhirdiad rife with anticipation. The last time they welcomed a prince was after Dimitri took control of the capital en route to Enbarr, an infamously bittersweet moment for all involved. For years the idea of welcoming a healthy heir to the throne in a time of relative peace remained little more than a wish whispered into the night. The people of Faerghus have become skeptical, hearts hardened by war and disaster. No one is quite so aware of this as the King.

Dimitri remembers his throne being stolen with far more clarity than he does reclaiming it. He was well read long before his arrival at Garreg Mach, devouring any text he could find that discussed the qualities of an ideal ruler. He spent nights poring over philosophy and proverbs- prepared for the crown of his country to weigh on his head and heart.

The crown was deceptively light in the end, though. He turned his head too quickly the first time he wore it and fell into shocked silence as it clattered on the ground at his feet. His instinct was to laugh and crack a joke; he has never been the gentle type, after all. He’s broken more lances than anyone could reasonably count, snapped Mercedes’ sewing needle in half; dented both his armour and crown. Somehow he even managed to headbutt Byleth during their first kiss.

Tradition calls for him to stand on the balcony of their grand palace with his child in his arms, telling Faerghus the name of their future ruler. He has both dreamed of and dreaded this moment, for reasons all too clear to those who know him best.

It’s been a week now and he has yet to hold the baby, convinced beyond all rational doubt that something awful will happen. Perhaps he will bend the baby in two; perhaps he will lift him with far too much force. Byleth has told him more than once that it’s unlikely, but the idea of landing any scratches or scrapes on his legacy is too much to bear. He only ever watches the baby from a safe distance; only dares to touch him by stroking his hair.

He knows Byleth wishes he would hold him and today he has little choice in the matter. It is the King’s job to introduce the world to his legacy and in doing so reassure the people of stability. Even so, his hands shake at the very idea and he can scarcely look his friends in the eye.

Of the Blue Lions, Sylvain was the first to have children-a red haired girl named Isolde, who’s spent the past half an hour peering into the cot with a grave expression. She’s too young to understand the more complicated issues at hand and Dimitri almost envies her ignorance.

Sylvain, who spent so much time with Isolde in his arms that she now gets incredibly upset at being parted from him, was horrified by the prospect of Dimitri being so distanced from his own child. His own scars are different in size and shape. He doesn’t fear holding his child too tightly, but giving them any inkling of rejection. Isolde bears no crest, yet he still calls her ‘princess’.

As per tradition, Sylvain arrived with gifts from House Gautier, among them a gaudy vase that no one in the room has pretended to like. Perhaps most importantly, it is almost exactly the same size and weight as a human child.

“Like this,” says Sylvain, shuffling the vase in his arms. “Look, you need to support the head.”

“This is, without a doubt, the most ridiculous thing either of you have ever done,” yawns Felix from his spot by the window.

Dimitri glances from the vase wrapped in furs in Sylvain’s arms to the sleeping baby and clenches his hands into fists.

“You can do it,” adds Dedue with a nod.

Dimitri rubs his hands together, taking a deep breath and reaching for the vase. His hands are trembling, his stomach churning. He knows it’s a vase and not the real thing, but it’s difficult to think of anything but either of them shattering on the floor.

He takes the vase into his arms, back straight and shoulders rigid. He can feel it slipping even though it sits stock still. Sylvain takes a couple of steps back, grinning triumphantly at his own success.

“There it is, perfect,” he says, “though...maybe you could relax...a bit?”

“You look like you’re taking a shit,” adds Felix.

Dimitri sighs and passes the vase back to Sylvain. Why was he cursed with such clumsy hands? Why couldn’t he be as skilled with delicate work as he is on the battlefield?

“Don’t worry so much about it,” laughs Ashe, no doubt sensing his tension. “Babies were built to survive new parents!”

“That’s right, that’s right,” says Sylvain, taking the vase from him with little to no effort. “Soon you’ll be bouncing them around and-“

SMASH

Everyone reacts at exactly the same instant.

Sylvain, who tossed the vase up into the air for emphasis, falls into shocked silence. Felix, who took a second to roll his eyes, squeezes them shut altogether. Dimitri takes two steps back, having tried and failed to catch the vase. Ashe flinches. Both Alexei and Isolde cry.

“This...this doesn’t mean anything!” Sylvain drops to his knees to gather the parts of the vase left intact. “Look...see-ow!”

“This is how it’s going to be, isn’t it?” Dimitri murmurs as Sylvain examines his bloodied fingers. “For the rest of my life…”

“No, no,” Sylvain exclaims, “this is just an accident...don’t think too much about it! It was fine until I took it, honestly!”

Dimitri sucks in a deep breath and storms out of the room, away from the chaos. Sylvain flops down onto the floor with a sigh, dropping the shard of ceramic that sliced open his fingers.

“Do you think we should go after him?”

“And say what?”

Felix’s words are sharp, though betrayed by his tone.

“I dunno,” says Sylvain, “that feeling scared is normal when you first have a kid.”

“Did you hesitate to hold Isolde?”

At that, Sylvain’s eyes drop to the floor. Everyone knows that he didn’t.

“Speaking of Isolde,” pipes up Ashe, “where is she?”

~~~~~~

It’s been a while since all of the Blue Lions have gathered at once. Byleth sees Mercedes and Annette at the monastery fairly frequently, while Dimitri, Sylvain and Felix remain in touch via council meetings and the day to day running of the kingdom, but the only time they all seem to be in one place at the same time is at a wedding or a baptism.

Byleth has missed the idle chatter of her students and it’s plain to see that they have missed one another’s company. She acquired a fragrant tea and lemon cakes for the reunion, only for them to lay forgotten in the excitement of updates on one another’s lives. Hours have passed and conversation has barely halted, leaving only Byleth to sit in relative silence. She’s always been something of an introvert and at present there’s a lot on her mind.

Today her son will be tested for a crest and then presented to the people of Fhirdiad. She knows that it shouldn’t have come as a surprise considering how often crests and their holders have changed the course of history, yet somehow the reality of it is only just hitting her.

Since Dimitri’s ascension to the throne, the topic of crests has been hotly debated. Where before it was a cornerstone of life as a noble, now it is considered outdated at best. It’s certainly true that noble families have continued to have their children’s blood tested, though the results are rarely-if ever-made public knowledge. The practise itself might not have survived were it not for the consequences of using a relic without its proper crest, leaving it as a safety measure and little more. Even so, Byleth feels anything but safe.

She does not want anyone to break the skin on her son’s finger, no matter how gently it is done. She brought in Hannemann for the task in the hopes that she would feel better about it, but her stomach still churns with anxiety. She did not know she had a crest herself until adulthood and that knowledge gnaws at her heart. Would it really matter if none of them knew if Alexei had one either?

She only half listens as Dorothea and Manuela frantically exchange notes on the newer compositions they heard in taverns on the journey to Fhirdiad. Enough time has passed that the war of the three houses has fallen mostly into legend, with travelling bards the world over composing tales of the noble chivalry and grand deeds of the Blue Lions and their allies. One particular ongoing theme (and consequently, ongoing joke) is the valour and strength of Ingrid of house Galatea and her incredible modesty on the matter. Ingrid has never truly known how to respond to the stories comparing her strength and beauty to that of the goddess. Naturally, her blushes only inspire Manuela and Dorothea to repeat them with gusto and their current tale involves a certain knight falling from the sky.

“...and next, next the beautiful stranger opened her eyes….”

“Oooh!”

Annette leans in closer, as if she’s listening to a secret. Ingrid blushes furiously, though tries to hide it from view.

“...she asked the innkeeper to listen closely and he crouched at her side to hear her whispers…”

Byleth has heard this story before. During a raid on a number of bandits, Ingrid fell from her horse, crashing through the roof of the inn. Somewhat miraculously, she escaped relatively unscathed from the impact, far more dazed than bruised. She stayed in the inn for a couple of days at Mercedes’ insistence and, while the true sequence of events was rather dull, the retellings grow increasingly dramatic with each passing year.

Everyone in the room knows this story, yet still wait with bated breath. As such, when Dorothea opens her mouth to whisper the request of the grand lady knight, only to be drowned out by the chaos of the door crashing open, everyone is startled.

The shock is only temporary, though, and quickly transforms into curiosity when it’s Isolde who rushes into the room. It’s certainly true that some present know Isolde better than others, but everyone in the room is acutely aware of two things.

One, that Isolde is nothing if not intelligent. She knows exactly how to manipulate her father into giving her extra dessert or a later bedtime, much to the ire of her mother.

Secondly, that while her loyalties certainly fall with Sylvain, who is easily the softer of the two, she will run to her mother whenever she is truly frightened.

“Momma,” she calls out, cheeks as rosy red as her hair, “Momma! Papa dropped the baby! It broke on the floor!”

~~~~~

By now, Alexei has fallen silent, sleeping soundly in the crook of Dedue’s arm. Sylvain disappeared in search of Isolde, leaving Felix and Ashe to sweep up the broken vase.

“Stupid idiot,” mutters Felix, “leaving us to clean up his mess…”

Ashe can’t contain his laughter. Felix, after all, was the first to grab a broom.

“Don’t you find it nostalgic?”

“Nostalgic?”

“Mhmm,” says Ashe. “It might sound silly, but it sort of reminds me of when we started to restore the monastery.”

Felix presses his lips together and continues to sweep, albeit in completely the wrong direction. It is nostalgic even if he doesn’t want to admit it.

Back then, Byleth added restoring the monastery to their list of after school chores. It was difficult to retain morale with enormous gaps in the ceiling. Many of the Blue Lions and their allies continued to clear the rubble long into the night. Felix complained the loudest, but more often than not stayed until dawn.

Ashe can’t keep the smile from his face, even as the door flies open and the Professor rushes in, the remaining Blue Lions and Isolde in tow. Byleth has never been easy to read, but it’s all too clear what’s running through her mind as she crosses the room and stands up on her tiptoes to peer into Alexei’s sleeping face.

“Is that...a vase ?”  Annette crouches on the floor and picks up one of the shards, holding it up to the light. “Why is it in a blanket?”

“Baby,” says Isolde, pointing at the mess.

Byleth peers around the room, taking note of every guilty face with two significant exceptions.

“Where’s Dimitri?” she asks.

~~~~~

There are very few paintings of King Lambert in Fhirdiad, though not through any sort of misfortune. In truth, he was far more interested in practising his sword arm than sitting down for a portrait, and as a consequence his likeness was captured only once.

The portrait of King Lambert sits pride of place on the wall of the heroes gallery, one singular floor of the palace dedicated to preserving the legacy of notable citizens of Faerghus. There are statues of Loog in every corner, portraits of long dead and largely forgotten kings, dusty tomes detailing the history of the land. To be placed in the gallery is one of the greatest honours in the country and Lambert’s portrait is the brightest of all. The artist captured him perfectly, from the sharpness of his jawline to his gleaming armour. He appears dignified, noble…

...and not at all as Dimitri remembers.

Dimitri remembers only his final moments, an image that so often drowns out the rest. When he tries to remember his father’s booming laughter, he recalls the sound of his final gurgles. When he thinks of his proud form, his mind immediately drifts to the moment it fell still.

He made peace years ago with the knowledge that Lambert was never coming back, but he wishes more than anything that he could remember more of him than the moment of his death.

Dimitri very often visits the painting of his father and it’s there that Byleth eventually finds him. His arms are folded, his back straight as an arrow, staring into the eyes of the painting so deeply that he doesn’t notice Byleth approach until she’s standing beside him.

“I don’t know what to do,” he says.

“With what?”

“The silence.”

She stays quiet, as is so often her way, eyes drifting from him to the portrait. She, of all people, should understand. They’ve both been numb for as long as they remember and this past year has brought wave after wave of emotions to the surface.

Today they are duty bound to present their son to the kingdom and promise the very thing neither of them remember. Who are they now that there’s no battles to fight?

In the end, Byleth says nothing at all and instead links her fingers through his.

She doesn’t let go, not even as Hanneman pricks their boy’s finger and casts his blood into the flames, revealing the Blaiddyd crest.

She doesn’t let go as they stand on the balcony, waving to their subjects and declaring the arrival of an heir to the throne. As far as the people of Faerghus are concerned, the baby’s mere existence is a victory.

They don’t need to know how badly their king’s hands are shaking; they don’t need to know about the tears in their queen’s eyes as Hanneman’s needle broke his skin.

From this distance they can’t see the dents in his crown, nor can they tell that the bundle nestled in the crook of Dimitri’s arm contains nothing more than one of Isolde’s dolls.

The real heir to the throne is fast asleep in his nursery, as blissfully ignorant of the celebrations in his name as he is the battles that won him his birthright.

That, in itself, is the true victory.

[exhaustedfander]

First Comes Love: Chapter Seven

Word Count: 5,583

a03 link

Link to previous story in the series: When is Enough Enough?

1  / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / ?

TW For Homophobia. This one’s really angsty, folks. 

Everyone was already in attendance by the time Remus and Logan arrived. Virgil and Roman, of course, considering they were the hosts, Janus and Patton, as well as their friends Emile and Remy who Logan had known since college. It was a small group, which admittedly helped out with Logan’s anxiety that was currently going through the roof.

It was a strange thing to consider, thinking back on the fact that Logan had just helped Remus out with his own concerns about the party as well as their relationship and all of the things Logan was under the impression went unsaid. It seemed like there was more to Remus’s nervousness than he’d admitted, but lost in his own anxieties, he didn’t have the brainpower to dwell on it.

It was more than a little jarring, walking back into the house that night. Nothing has changed about it since a year ago, of course. But so much else had changed, so much was going to change that night. Both men hoped they could get through it without collapsing considering how high-strung they both currently were.

“Well if it isn’t the guests of honor,” Roman greeted boisterously as he opened the door for them, a broad smile on his face.

“Good evening Roman, Virgil,” Logan said, acknowledging the emo who stood at Roman’s side, smiling as well, if not a bit too forcefully. Good lord, Logan prayed these two didn’t give his plan away.

“Hiya Bro-Bro,” Remus said as they entered the house, “What’s up, Virge? Still hanging around this loser?” He asked, gesturing to his brother. Roman slapped a hand over his chest, gasping defiantly.

“I beg your pardon?!” Virgil only laughed.

“Yeah, he keeps me pretty well entertained, don’t you, princey?” Roman grumbled something inaudible under his breath. “Still hanging around that nerd?” Logan rolled his eyes as Remus threw an arm around his shoulder and pulled him close so that they were hip-to-hip.

“And I wouldn’t trade him for the world.”

“Well, are we going to stand in the foyer all night or are we gonna take this outside?” Roman asked, crossing his arms over his chest. Even despite being teased a mere few seconds ago, he couldn’t shake that grin if he tried.

“Then, by all means, lead the way,” Logan said, lacing his fingers with Remus’s and following as Virgil and Roman lead them out onto the patio. The weight of the situation hit full force as they stepped outside, seeing all of their friends who greeted and congratulated him and Remus warmly. While he’d been hyping himself up for this moment for the last two weeks, now that it was actually upon him, Logan was more than a little out of his depth. In fact, he was feeling a bit like he was going to be sick.

It wasn’t as though this wasn’t exactly what Logan wanted; it was, it really,  really was. All he wanted at the end of the day was to be with Remus for the rest of his life, but that couldn’t take away the fear that had latched itself onto him.

Logan had a speech planned out; one he’d rehearsed tirelessly. He’d double and triple checked that he had the ring on him and gone through the plan in his head again and again. He was going to do it after everyone had eaten dinner and the chatter had died down a bit. He’d raise a toast to Remus and their relationship thus-far, something that would already be expected of him considering the circumstances, before he’d drop to one knee and ask Remus to be his for forever. It was one of the cheesier ideas he’d had in all honesty, but Logan couldn’t bring himself to care. This was his happy ending, and he was seizing it.

So why was he so goddamn nervous?

Glancing at Remus, his boyfriend didn’t seem much better. His hand clasped in Logan’s was clammy and there was a nervousness to his smile that Logan couldn’t entirely account for, which was odd, considering how much better Remus had seemed right before they left.

“Hey, is everything alright?” Logan asked quietly, sitting beside Remus on one of the benches on the patio. Remus paused his bouncing knee, facing him with a smile that was all too forced. Logan could certainly relate.

“Me? Everything’s fine,” Remus said quickly, turning in Patton’s direction who was currently chatting with Remy, “Hey, Pat? You on grill duty tonight?” Patton grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“No, that’s Jan’s job. I’ve kinda been… banned from grilling since y’ know…”

“You nearly set our balcony on fire last time you tried to grill?” Janus supplied as he walked over and placed a hand on Patton’s back.

“What can I say? I’m pretty flameous for not being the best cook,” Patton said, earning a light-hearted groan from all those around him.

“Patton, babe, how many of those puns you got?” Remy asked. Logan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“No – no don’t get him started.” Patton’s smile broadened.

“Well, I dunno, Remy. I lack a buffire  when it comes to puns.” Janus did his best to hide the smile on his face, but to no avail, meanwhile, Remy was openly chuckling. “Avert your blaze if you don’t want to hear more of my absolute fire  puns.” Logan placed his hands over his face, now thoroughly distracted from Remus’s odd behavior.

“Remus, dear, please kill me. End my suffering.” Patton laughed.

“Aw, I wouldn’t want you to suffire, Lo.”

“I think that’s quite enough, for now, Angel,” Janus said, intervening gently, “We wouldn’t want to further upset the dear extinguished guest of honor.”

Logan whined.

“Oh god, sometimes I forget that you’re nearly as bad as he is, Janus,” he said, turning to Remus before he could even open his mouth, “I swear if you make a pun right now, I will scream.” Remy snickered.

“Well, I think you’re a riot, Pat. I’m used to puns at home as it is, ain’t that right, babes?” He asked his sweater-vest-fairing husband who now stood beside him and wrapped an arm around his waist.

“Sure is!" He said before gesturing to the couple, "So, a year, huh? That’s a pretty exciting milestone.” Remy sighed fairly dramatically, but nothing that was out of the ordinary for him.

“Babe, I  swear, if you talk about work right now, I’m gonna go ballistic.” Emile chuckled fondly, shaking his head.

“No one said anything about talking about work right now, but I am curious, you two, as to which fusion you’d say best encapsulates your relationship?”

Emile said something after that, but by that point, Logan’s mind was occupied only with fear. Everyone’s words were melding together, so much so that Logan could hardly tell who was talking. It took Remus shaking his shoulder, somewhat forcefully, before he finally snapped out of it.

“Dragonfly? Hey, are you good? You okay? I kept saying your name, but you weren’t answering.” Logan felt heat rise to his face. How long had the others been trying to get his attention? How could he be so lost in his terror-filled thoughts? Good lord, how was he ever going to escape this night in one piece?

“My apologies,” Logan said, hoping he wouldn’t be further questioned, “It seems I was lost in my thoughts. What were we discussing?”

The conversation continued, somehow, without being derailed too much. But Logan doesn’t miss the fact that Remus is squeezing his hand just a little too tight, sticking even closer to him than he usually did. Remus knew something was wrong, god, of course, he did. But simultaneously, Remus was clearly distressed as well. How could everything feel so wrong?

Janus grilled up the hot dogs and hamburgers, the friends all chatting amongst themselves. Logan was far too mindful of the knowing looks in Virgil and Roman’s eyes like they were seconds from cracking under the impression and confessing that Logan was going to propose. They wouldn’t, of course, they were too good of friends to do so, but the fear wouldn’t leave Logan’s mind, no matter how much he tried to banish it.

Patton knew too, considering he’d needed to lie and say he was spending time with him, and if Patton knew then surely Janus did as well. He hadn’t considered it before, the pressure all of these people knowing held, all of those eyes on him. This was supposed to be a celebration, a momentous occasion on which Logan would ask Remus for his hand. Now, though? The party felt like torture, a punishment he realized was self-inflicted. This was what Logan wanted, why couldn’t he be happy with it? Why did Remus seem so upset? Everything swirled together in his mind until almost nothing made sense.

By the time everyone had finished their dinner and the chatter had died down somewhat, Logan realized this was his cue. This was the moment he’d been waiting for. But searching through his mind, the speech he’d memorized perfectly fell to pieces. Fractures of sentences remained sensical – light of my life, best surprise I’ve yet to receive, love, I want you forever, want, want, want. It was nothing concrete, just gaps in between the full scope of what he wanted to express. He searched, damn it, he searched, but he couldn’t find it. Panic bubbled, swelling with each breath.

And then Remus let go of his hand.

“Logan…” there was deep hesitation in his voice, flickering nervously. Any conversation between the others silenced, “Dragonfly, there’s… there’s something that I –.” Remus cuts off when the sound of a cellphone ringing rippled through the tension.

All eyes landed on Patton who smiled sheepishly, muttering about how he thought he’d silenced his phone. But then he registered who was calling and a serious, almost scared look settled over his face.

“I’m so, so sorry you guys! It’s – it’s my mom. I’ll just be a second, keep doing whatever you were doing without me! I’m sorry!” He said quickly, walking back into the house and putting the phone to his ear as he answered and shut the door behind him. Logan turned to Remus, feeling nothing but cowardice. He just couldn’t do it. Not now, not with everyone’s eyes on him, not when everything had gone so off course.

“Do you want to continue what you were saying, love?” He asked, hoping the tone of his voice didn’t convey the deep-seated disappointment. Not in Remus, never Remus, and certainly not Patton either. It was a disappointment in himself. Remus shook his head, a wide, indescribably strange look in his eyes.

“No I’ll – I’m just gonna wait until Pat comes back.” Silence settled over the group, tense and thick and terrible. Remy spoke up, God forgive him.

“So… is something like up with Patton’s mom or something?” Concern shone in Janus’s eyes, though it looked like he was trying to keep it at bay.

“Patton’s parents are fairly conservatives and there have been… altercations in the past.” Emile rose an eyebrow.

“Altercations?” Janus nodded, gritting his teeth.

“Yes. To be blunt, time and time again they’ve been cruel to Patton and were very unaccepting when he came out. They’re still not very good about it and I’m doubting how much progress they’ve made.” Emile frowned.

“Well, that certainly doesn’t sound healthy at all.” Janus bit his lip.

“It’s not. In the least bit.” Remy shrunk back.

“Jeez, sorry I asked…”

Roman and Virgil shared uncomfortable glances, looking at Remus and Logan and back to each other. It was obvious what was about to happen, but now things were looking iffy, to say the least. Logan looked like he was about to pass out, Remus didn’t look much better, and the rigidity of the atmosphere was tight and constricting. Hopefully, Patton would return in a few minutes and everything would work out like a fairytale.

Unfortunately, it seemed that was not to be. Patton emerged from the house; utter horror written all over his face. His phone was still held limp in his hand. He blinked, and there were tears in his eyes. Janus was on his feet in seconds.

“Patton? Angel, what’s wrong? What happened?” Janus asked, almost frantically, placing a hand on his lover’s shoulder. Tears ran down his cheeks.

“She… she said…” Patton hiccupped, his breath hitching. Janus already looked like he was going to burst into flames with anger. “She said they’re done.”

“Done? What do you mean done? Pat, honey –.”

“They – they thought it was a phase. They thought I – I was gonna get it out of my system and I’d marry s-some girl someday. Janus…” Patton let out a sob, the sound heartbreakingly raw, “S-she told me if I don’t – if I don’t leave you that I can’t go back home. I c-can’t go back home. Janny, I can’t – I c-can’t –.”

The moment Janus’s arms were thrown around him, Patton collapsed against him, fisting his hands in his shirt and sobbing loud and broken into his chest. Janus whispered to him, rubbing circles into his back as they stood, watched by their friends who had no clue what to say. What could possibly make this better?

“I – I’m sorry, Remus, L-Lo,” Patton muttered through his tears, pulling away from Janus for a moment, “T-this was supposed to be your n-night and I ruined it. ‘M sorry. I’m s-so sorry.” For a moment, Logan found his voice.

“It’s alright,” he said from where he was seated, not daring to stand with them, “You don’t need to apologize, you didn't ruin anything. I can’t express how sorry I am, Patton.” The others provided their own apologies, their own condolences.

“We’re going home,” Janus said, holding Patton close to him as he cried, “I apologize for leaving so early, but I need to –.” Remus shook his head.

“Go. Take care of him, it’s okay.” It wasn’t okay. Nothing was okay. It wasn’t anything close to Patton’s fault, it was never a child’s fault when their parents were so, so cruel. Patton had held onto his strained relationship with them but now they were cutting that chord. They did so at the absolute worst time, but it had happened. Logan could do nothing but feel sorry for Patton, and then feel guilty for feeling so sorry for himself. If he hadn’t been such a coward if he’d only managed to get the worst out. If only.

After Janus took a sobbing Patton to the car and they’d driven off, the party was promptly ended. No one could stay, not after that.

Logan lingered in a hug with Virgil as they parted ways, hearing the way his friend whispered: “I’m sorry.” That’s all this night was. Far too many “I’m Sorry’s”.

Remus and Logan drove home in silence, the quiet following them to their bed. Logan meant to ask Remus what it was that he was going to ask, but he simply didn’t have the energy. They said very little to one another as they lay beside one another, not tangled in an embrace like usual. The gap between them was small, but as far as Logan was concerned, it was an insurmountable gap. He didn’t have any clue how to get across.

He shut his eyes, praying for sleep to take him away from this night, from the guilt and cowardice that he felt.

Just like his speech, Logan failed to find it.

=+=