#i feel like i lost several brain cells reading through this

[dilatorywriting]

Monster Mayhem: Donkeys & Dragons

Gender Neutral Reader x Malleus Draconia Word Count: 3.0k

Summary: In which your friends are idiots who think gallivanting around a haunted castle surrounded by lava is a great idea. And then there's a dragon.

ie. Or, I watched Shrek this afternoon and could not stop thinking about the memes of the Prefect being Donkey and Malleus as the Dragon.

[PART 1] [PART 2] [PART 3] [PART 4] [EPILOGUE]

‘Treasure beyond your wildest dreams!’ Ace said.

‘Knowledge long since lost to time!’ Deuce corrected.

‘Yeah, okay, but what is it,’ you asked.

And neither of them had an answer.

Abandoned castles suspended over a sea of bubbling lava were not your preferred holiday destination. You’d told Ace this several times. You’d begged, pleaded, to please just be normal for once. But noooo. Both the snarky, ginger, bastard and the other half of his singular brain cell had apparently decided that suicide ala boiling rocks sounded like a perfectly lovely plan for your Saturday evening.

“I’m just saying,” you huffed as the rope bridge swung worryingly beneath your feet, “taverns are a thing. Faires. Market runs. Casual side quests that won’t wind up with us being flambeed alive.”

“But there’s treasure!” Ace complained, the muddled light off the lava below illuminating his pout in a way that made it look especially punchable. “I heard there’s this really awesome magical sword! Or maybe it was a shield or something—”

“Or something,” you grit out. “What if it’s a book, huh? You can’t even read.”

“We can try!” Deuce returned, a spark of that familiar determination zipping through his blue eyes.

“Or we can sell it,” Ace said, which was certainly the more likely option of the two.

One of the rickety, wooden, slats cracked beneath the low heel of your boot and tumbled down into the lava below. Maybe it hit the gurgling pool of death with a hiss, or a whump, or some other cool sound. But all you could hear was the ringing in your ears.

“Oh my god. I’m going to die.”

“I mean, maybe,” Ace shrugged. “But at least you’ll have a cool new sword propped up at your grave or something.”

You managed to make it all the way to the other side of the horrible death bridge without plummeting to your doom. Except now you were standing at the foot an equally horrifying castle. It was massive—grand on a scale that seemed entirely impossible for something constructed in the heart of a volcano. Its dozens of ebony spires clawed at the sky. The walls crawled with grey ivy and thickets of thorns so dense that you couldn’t see even the barest hint of brick beneath. It looked evil in the way that cursed tombs felt evil—eternal, and still, and oppressive. Like a creature in its own right rather than just an agglomeration of black stone.

Ace drew his sword and Deuce readied his axe. You sighed and plucked at the strings of your stupid fucking lute, and wished once more that you’d had the foresight all those moons ago to take the cushy internship position Lord Crewel had tried to offer you. But, no. You’d wanted to be an adventurer.

The massive double doors of the entrance swung open with an eerie groan. A pair of stern looking gargoyles stood guard as the three of you cautiously made your way into the castle. You swore you could feel their eyes following you—that you’d seen them flex jagged claws into their stone perches in an aborted attempt to dive after you.

The inside of the looming fortress was no more welcoming than out. Dark, emerald, stained glass windows lined the walls—smothering any of the warmer light from the volcano and tinting the entire hall a sickly green-grey. The stone floors and walls were elaborately carved with the faded stories of dynasties long since passed, but what had once surely been immaculate craftsmanship had shifted and cracked with age—crushing floors into tight slopes and littering already narrow walkways with heavy debris.

“We just have to find the tallest tower,” Ace hummed, swiping at a few dangling trails of thorns with the blunted edge of his blade. “And then the highest room in that.”

“The treasure is never in the highest room in the tallest tower,” you complained. “You just heard that in a drinking song once.”

“Is that true?” Deuce frowned, looking terribly betrayed.

“No way!” Ace snipped. “I told you! An old crone read my fortune in her bone dice, and she said to always check the highest room in the tallest tower! Because that’s where I’d find my greatest treasure!”

“Maybe the greatest treasure is the friends we’ve made along the way?” Deuce suggested helpfully.

“No.”

So you split off from a grouchy Ace and dejected Deuce to try and find some stairs. Every room in this stupid castle was swimming in so many shadows that you could hardly tell right from left, let alone if there were any kinds of secret doors or passageways that may lead to an equally secret tower. The chamber you’d found yourself in now was gigantic, and each tentative step you took echoed discordantly through the ashy gloom. You kicked miserably at a loose rock and it skittered off into the darkness with a dull thunk. And then something… odd, began to happen. That darkness began to move—to rise and unfurl like a great set of wings on a beast. And—oh. Oh no.

“Would you look at that,” Ace whistled under his breath, neck craned all the way back as he squinted at what was most definitely the tallest of all the towers this creepy castle had to offer. “Guess what, nonbelievers. I found the—”

“DRAGON!”

Whoosh went the great swathe of emerald fire as it exploded down the barren hallway and nipped at your heels. You dove out into the open courtyard just in time to avoid being roasted alive, and the gargantuan monster behind you let out a roar fit to shake the earth. A quick tuck-and-roll left you crouched behind a fallen pillar, and the dragon’s bright, green, glower turned on you and your garbage hiding spot with a rumbling snarl. Its rows of sharp, white, teeth closing just above your head—missing its mark by barely a hair’s width.

“Gotcha!” Deuce snarled, his armored fists dragging the dragon away by its tail. Or, well, tried to. Because the dragon was a hundred feet long at least, and your blue haired friend probably looked like nothing more than a pesky rat darting between its feet. It turned and snapped at him irritably, taking a great, big, step forward in a bid to get a firmer stance to attack. You threw yourself in the other direction to avoid being trampled.

“Go!” Ace called, charging in from the other side. “Quick!”

Because at the end of the day, they were still both your brave, tanky, warrior, friends. And you were just a very, very, squishy bard who really would not fare well against a particularly motivated goose, let alone a dragon. So you skidded through the rubble and onto your feet, and started to sprint back into the castle’s halls—hoping maybe you’d be able to find a bit more cover.

There was a great clatter, and both Ace and Deuce yelped. You looked back hurriedly to see the pair of them clutching onto the dragon’s tail for dear life as it whipped them back and forth through the ash and debris cluttering the ground. With one, final, great, sweep, the dragon pitched them into the air and sent them careening through the roof of that ‘tallest tower.’ You muttered a hasty incantation and the sparkling outlines of soft feathers danced along your fingers. You hoped you weren’t too far. You were probably too goddamn far. But you hummed frantically under your breath nonetheless and entreated your middling magic to give them a soft landing.

And then there was another wave of green hellfire raining down over your head and you turned and ran.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck—

Even if you’d been a champion sprinter, there was little good it would have done you against a beast whose stride was longer than you were tall. You made it back into some hall or other, and into another cavernous room, and then you were pinned into a corner—the dragon looming over you like a vengeful wraith come to take its due.

It was gigantic. Probably the biggest creature you’d ever seen. And it was sleek—all lithe muscle and glossy rows of black scales that glittered oddly in the dull, grey, light. Its wings spread wide behind it, spanning the entirety of the vast chamber. They looked like the sort of wings that could stir up a hurricane. The curling horns atop its head seemed sharp enough to gore a man or twenty, and the purple crests lining its skull were tapered down flat in a way that reminded you a bit deliriously of a pissy cat pinning its ears back before it swatted at you.

Its lips curled back over pointed canines as it snarled at you, and you were showered in a swathe of hot sparks.

“Oh, what large teeth you have,” you squeaked, and when the dragon dipped closer to bellow into your face, your reeled back with a splutter. “I—I mean white, sparkling, teeth!” you rattled, nearly incoherent. The dragon’s snout twitched away, almost like you’d startled it. “I mean, I’m sure you hear this all the time from your food, but—wow! Just! Very lovely! Definitely the prettiest smile I’ll ever be eaten by!”

Slowly it lowered its great head, and you could see the neon glare from its narrowed eyes.

“Not that you have to eat me,” you added hurriedly, hoping to whatever Gods could hear you that your smart mouth could finally be useful for more than just talking circles around assholes in bars or weaseling your friends out of shitty contracts. “I’d very much like not to be eaten. But all the same, we did intrude in your home—and it’s definitely a very nice home—so I’d totally get it. And I guess if I did have to die today, knowing that my life would be in the hands of something so magnificent is certainly reassuring.”

The dragon seemed to preen a bit at that. You could see the sharp crests beneath its horns soften as tension bled from the beast’s posture. It ducked in close again, and this time you felt a sharp pull of air rush past your cheeks as it sniffed you. Its nostrils were the size your head—bigger even, maybe. You didn’t want to think about it, but the dry heat of its breath puffing into your face made the entire thing a bit hard to ignore.  

“Did I mention what a charming home you have?” you rambled on. “Very aesthetic. The gargoyles at the gate were a lovely touch.”

The dragon made a low, warbling, noise in its throat that wasn’t quite a growl, but wasn’t particularly… reassuring, either. It made the hair on the back of your neck stand on end.

It ducked away—not far, just enough to reach one of the large, carved, walls at the outskirts of the room. Its long neck slithered out before pausing pointedly over an archway. It took you a long moment to realize it was gesturing to something. Another gargoyle from the looks of things—this one almost entirely crumbled away under the strains of time. You could just barely make out the shape of its square jaw and taloned fingers.

You nodded so hard you nearly gave yourself whiplash.

“Yes! I see! Very beautiful! Such fine craftsmanship!”

The dragon cooed at you. Swear on your life and all the money in your back packet. An actual, honest to God, coo. Fuck, maybe you’d managed to charm your way out of imminent dismemberment and death after all.

It ambled closer once again, a curiosity lighting its eyes and warming those neon irises into something that was less poisonous-hell-fire and more mellow-evening-in-the-forest.

Amidst all the rippling waves of ebony scales, your eyes caught on the smallest smear of crimson. Just a touch of red—right along the spikes of its tail. Carefully, cautiously, slower than molasses, you stepped forward with your hands raised. You whispered a handful of familiar words under your breath and your palms glowed fuzzy and blue. Dragons were supposed to be inherently magical, right? So this one would certainly understand that the string of syllables you’d babbled out were good, and helpful, and not at all a provocation. The dragon was looking down at you with lidded eyes, its gaze a bit unfocused. You gulped.

“I’m sorry my friends messed with your tail,” you apologized, gingerly holding your fingers out to hover over the abrasions without actually touching. “They were just trying to protect me. If—if that makes it any better.” The minuscule wound began to knit itself back together neatly beneath the pulses of your magic. “I do tend to need a lot of protecting—I’m not much a warrior, if that wasn’t completely obvious by the everything about me—so I can’t really blame them for being a bit gung-ho about it.”

After a moment or two, the scratches had faded back into solid, matte, black and you drew back with a content hum.

“There! All fixed!” You gave your most winning smile. Please don’t eat me, your brain chanted on endless repeat. Please don’t eat me please don’t eat me please don’t eat me—

The dragon reared back and settled on its haunches with another heavy puff of sweltering breath. You could feel the heat of it prickling all the way up your arms. After a long, long, moment of silent consideration, the dragon leaned forward again and rumbled deep in its chest. When you only stood there, properly petrified, it huffed again and bumped its nose against your sternum, nearly toppling you over.

“I don’t—” you started, nervous. “I’m sorry. I don’t really get what you’re trying to say.”

With another sigh that sounded entirely too put upon, the dragon lowered its great head. The air itself seemed to grow heavy against your shoulders, and you could taste the cloying bitterness of strong magics on the back of your tongue. Black miasma oozed from beneath the dragon’s talons and melted along its scales. The caustic scent of ash and petrichor burned along your nostrils, and you had to pinch your eyes shut and cover your nose to keep from coughing. You managed to sneak a peek past your fingers just in time to watch the shadowed outline of the beast collapse. And out of that puddle of black goo emerged a man­. He was tall and lithe, just as the dragon had been, with glowing green eyes that were terribly familiar. They were framed with thick, dark, lashes and sat perfectly on a face that was nearly too handsome to be human (well, it really wasn’t human you supposed, so that little tidbit probably accounted for said inhuman beauty well enough). Recognizable eyes and stature or no, the curling horns atop his head would have sealed the deal plenty well enough on their own.

He shook off the shadows twining around his ankles with a lazy twist of the hand and then turned to you with a curious little hum.

And holy fuck Mister Dragon apparently had no sense of shame, or maybe just no qualms about social niceties and practicalities, because his human self was wearing about just as many clothes as his lizard form had been.

You squeezed your eyes shut with a squeak, and then double covered them with your hands for good measure.

A chuckle rolled through the air—as dark and pleasantly rich as the finest of chocolates. And then there was a clawed finger beneath your chin, tilting your head back, and back, and back until you were at least half-way sure it would probably be safe to open your eyes again without infringing on his decency.

“You are fascinating, Child of Man,” it—he—hummed, low in his throat. His thumb dragged down to hook beneath the curve of your jaw and support the finger tucked up under your chin. “And it’s been so, very, long since I’ve been fascinated by anything.”

“Uh,” you replied, like a perfectly functional human being.

The dragon’s lips curled up over his pointed teeth—still just as sharp and white as they had been when he’d been so much bigger and scalier.

“I think I’d like to keep you,” he said with a nod to himself, as casually as one may talk about picking up extra groceries from the market.

“Uh,” you said again.

“You did mention that you needed protecting,” he continued, tapping a clawed finger against his own chin. The small smile quirking his lips twisted into something smug. “And that is certainly something at which I would excel.”

Your head was swimming.

“I—I mean. I’m honored that you—that… you—” You couldn’t even think the words, let alone get them past your brain and out of your mouth. You cleared your throat and fought to keep your eyes level with his clavicle and nowhere else. “D-Don’t you think you’re moving a bit fast?” you laughed nervously. “I mean, I’m sure my friends will probably be on their way back down soon—and—I mean, we haven’t even introduced ourselves yet. I don’t even know your name.”

He blinked, slow and serpentine.

“Oh. I suppose you wouldn’t.” He canted his head to the side, long strands of that inky black hair of his spilling across his shoulder. An amused sort of grin worked its way along his mouth. “Dragons are not keen to give out our true names so readily, but you seem like a clever one. Tell me—what do you think I’m called then, hmm?”

You glanced up quickly at the horns atop his head and couldn’t help yourself.

“Tsunotarou?”

He let out a bark of laughter that seemed to shake the walls.

“Oh,” he trilled, looking positively delighted. The hand not curled beneath your chin reached down to snag your own, and he brought your wrist up to his lips. You could feel the imprints of his canines against the soft skin there. “I’ll definitely be keeping you.”

[kiryoutann]

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At his ripe age for marriage, Emperor Shiva ought to be more concerned with finding a wife than he is with a letter he held between his thumb and forefinger while standing in a state of shock. His birthday banquet is in two days; he should have busied himself overseeing the décor preparations and entertainment for the overseas guests, not clamping his jaw, crumpling the paper into a ball, and throwing it angrily.

"Childe.. how dare he..!" Shiva shouted, turning to face his confidant. "How dare he do something so... vile!"

From his outraged reaction, the confidant deduced that Emperor Childe had done something as awful as stab him in the back. That seems to be what he would do. But he recalled the rumors that the Snezhnayan ruler had put to death a number of his nobles for grave defamation of Liyue. He was young, yet brave enough to take drastic measures for the crimes committed during his reign. If he still harbored secretly wicked intentions toward the great Liyue empire, he shouldn't have bothered to do that, right?

So, the confidant ventured to ask: "Your Majesty, is everything all right?"

“Are you blind? Of course not!" He shoved the paper against his confidant's chest and paced back and forth in uneasiness as he waited for him to finish reading.

The handwriting was neat, still easy to read even though the paper was crumpled—thanks to Shiva. Although Liu—the poor confidant's name—kept sweeping his eyes, he couldn't help but feel guilty for reading private letters written by other people to other people. Thinking that this should only be a conversation between the Empress of Snezhnaya and the Emperor of Liyue didn't help either.

Nothing you've written is unfavorable; nothing even remotely resembles a threat or your mention of any mistreatment. It merely contained your sincere apologies to Shiva for having to send someone to attend on your and Childe's behalf, and for being unable to go due to severe morning sickness, which is typical of pregnancy's second trimester. His eyes widen. That's surprising, nonetheless, not a bad thing. He congratulated you in his heart.

Liu furrowed his brows, lowering the letter to stare at the Emperor. “Your Majesty?” he called.

Shiva halted in mid-step and fixed him with piercing eyes. "Have you read it?" His voice was firm, demanding.

“Yes, I have, but I..” When Liu sensed Shiva's intense gaze, he paused and let his words hang. As he once more held the letter up, he forced a hard swallow. “Apologies, perhaps I missed a point—”

"She's pregnant.”                                

Liu paused once more as his mind tried to make sense of anything. "She's pregnant." His mind went over the two phrases, trying to find something vile out of it. He stopped thinking when he felt his scalp heat up. Was this supposed to be a riddle? Before he could answer (and risk himself for failing to understand once again), Shiva blew a harsh breath from his mouth. He clenched his fists tightly, popping the veins under his skin. His handsome face were tarnished by a wrath that Liu couldn't place.

"She's pregnant. He impregnated her.” Shiva made sure to emphasize the “he” part.

From all the emphasis on his words and the movement of his fingers to accentuate everything, Liu still couldn't understand; at this point he believed he had suddenly lost his intelligence and was left with only one very overworked brain cell. He would grow wrinkles from furrowing his brows for the umpteenth time. Shiva took another sharp breath before pacing back and forth.

"Congratulations to the Emperor and Empress of Snezhnaya..?" Liu said doubtfully.

Shiva shook his head vigorously. So, it wasn't a congratulation he wanted to hear. Liu followed the Emperor briskly into his dressing room, where he saw him pick up a luggage and place it on the crimson couch. Like a madman, he took most of his clothes and stuffed it all in without even bothering to fold it properly. His confidant hastily stopped him.

“Your Majesty, what are you doing?”

The long-haired man grabbed his sword from the display and swung it open too fast that he nearly struck Liu. "I have to go to Snezhnaya." He spoke while looking at the steel and his reflection in it.

"What?!" Liu's heart skipped a beat as he hadn't expected his intonation to be that loud. He cleared his throat, then corrected: “Apologies, Your Majesty. But, are you sure?"

"Yes. Bring the maids here to prepare my belongings.” Shiva gave up trying to get all of his clothes into one luggage. He slowly placed his sword on his bed and rested his palms on his hips.

"But what of your birthday banquet in two days' time?”

“Ah, you're right.” Liu almost breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that Shiva had returned to his right mind. Shiva's next words dashed those expectations, however, as he chose to open his mouth and utter, "Send out a letter to everyone, informing them that the banquet is canceled! I shall spend my birthday week in Snezhnaya."

“B-But, Your Majesty!”

“Now, fetch me the maids. I must cleanse myself and my belongings require to be packed.” Shiva commanded as he took off his robe, leaving only his trousers on. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror but noticed that Liu hadn’t left the room. In response, the Emperor’s head rotated sharply, and his gaze went over to him with an intense expression. “What are you waiting for? Hurry and summon the maids!” he snapped.

With a huff, Liu hastily left the room and almost slipped (he cursed himself for being so unfortunate today). Maids came soon after in a rush, some preparing a warm bath for Shiva, while other maidens packed his belongings quickly and efficiently without daring to ask questions; no one ever dared to question the things Emperor Shiva did, even if they were rather illogical to the normal mind.

The news of your brother’s impromptu visit was relayed to you by Countess Sasha, who entered your reading room, bowed, and stated that Emperor Shiva was now residing within the Emerald Palace. You raised your eyebrows in surprise as you considered this revelation. Previously, during every trip to Snezhnaya, Shiva had always decided to live in the mansion he owned rather than the palace grounds. As you set down your book, you attempted to stand upright from your seated position with the assistance of Ksenia and Laura, who were each clasping one of your hands.

Your face remained puzzled, with questions about the sudden change. Why? Wasn’t there a birthday banquet scheduled for the very next day?

The sound of Sasha’s footsteps came closer before she knelt down next to you. “How are you, my lady?” Sasha inquired softly. “Does the queasiness still trouble?”

You paused for a moment to feel your body, then shook your head with a smile. “It has subsided,” you replied. Taking Laura’s hand for support, you rose from your chair.

Sasha noticed your movements and straightened respectfully. “Should you wish an audience with Emperor Shiva, may I suggest inviting him here instead of embarking on the long journey to the Emerald Palace?” Her voice was full of worry, but you couldn’t help but sigh at her words.

“Sasha, I’m with child, not on the verge of perishing,”

The Countess swiftly shook her head as she spoke. “Of course, I did not intend to imply that it was otherwise,” she hurriedly said. “however, it was His Majesty who had directed me to look after you well.” She explained, her tone coming across with genuine care and concern.

“Oh, fantastic. I can hardly break free from his shackles, can I?”

You conveyed your protest half-heartedly. The Queen Dowager had informed you that it was normal to feel dependent and in need of help while pregnant (it is an extremely significant and sensitive time for women). However, there was a stark contrast between her words and reality; it was Childe who irritated you with how much he always wanted to be by your side more than was necessary. You failed to keep track of the innumerable instances he told you that you needn’t be concerned since he possessed the knowledge and experience from his mother's pregnancy when she was expecting Teucer; however, he continued to perspire and ordered Dmitri to call for the healer each and every time you throw up from the morning sickness in the early hours.

You grimace. Upon further reflection, Dmitri deserves to receive a full year of paid leave. Even under Childe's pressure, he had performed admirably.

“Your Majesty.” Sasha stepped closer to the door and gave a warning, her frown deepening and dipping in displeasure at your defiant behavior. She was certain that if this kept up, she would age faster.

“Come now, Countess, there’s no need to worry,” You soothed, glancing down fondly at your growing belly. “You seem to forget that this child's father is Tartaglia – do you truly believe a stroll through the gardens would cause us harm?”

You caressed your swollen middle affectionately. “However, do pass me my coat, won't you? It seems the babe has inherited their mother's weakness for this country's chill autumn airs.” You continued, watching as Ksenia hurriedly grabbed a coat for you.

Ultimately, despite her doubts and a heavy heart, Sasha let you walk to see your brother. You slowly made your way out of your room and down the Golden Spire palace's lengthy hallway. Indeed, the building where the emperor and empress lived was beautiful, with the ceiling covered in intricate gold filigree work and light streaming into the hallway, illuminating the entire area. Even the pillars, which have stood for hundreds of years, still looked strong and exquisitely polished. However, the everyday scenery is quickly replaced by the stunning autumn setting as soon as you reach outside. Golden rays of the sun filter through the colorful trees and bring a warm glow to the imperial grounds. You stopped after you stepped on dry leaves, the pleasant crinkling sound of them causing a smile to tug at the corners of your lips.

“Is something the matter, Your Majesty?” As you guessed, Sasha hurriedly approached you.

“No.” You answered her while stroking your growing stomach greeting the small kick inside. With your eyes squinted from the glare of the sun, you catch another two dry leaves falling tossing and turning before they hit the ground. “Autumn is coming to an end.”

Your remark caused the three ladies-in-waiting to glance at the garden's big oak tree. “Indeed, Your Majesty.” Sasha replied to you.

“Winter is coming.” you mused again, the imperial physician's words echoed once more - the child would be a winter-born. Soon, very soon, you would hold your son or daughter in your arms at last.

Sasha nodded. “That's right,” she paused, then furrowed her brows, curious and concerned. “Is something wrong, Your Majesty?” She watched you smile before suddenly resuming your steps, requiring your ladies-in-waiting to hurriedly follow you.

The Emerald Palace building comes into sight. You noticed the vibrant blooms had faded, their petals falling to join the fiery leaves carpeting the grounds. The gurgling of water from a three-tier fountain could be heard. Your footsteps slowed at a polished figure seated solitary, chin raised with calm pride over steaming tea under a shady tree—from his posture, you easily recognized your older brother and proceeded to approach him.

“Brother.”

From that familiar voice, the young emperor turned his head sharply. (Y/N). He raked his gaze over her starting from her head—not much had changed from her hair being longer than the last time he saw her; her face was still as beautiful as before. Those luscious lips of hers should have been proof enough that somehow that bastard Tartaglia wasn't treating her badly (but Shiva knew he couldn't be too sure, after all this was Tartaglia he was talking about). His gaze, cold and flinty, traveled lower.

There, roundness was unmistakably forming where antes there had been flatness. Shiva’s hands clenched into fists at his sides as confirmation of his worst fears stared back at him—the telltale swell and curve of your belly, stretched taut with new life. His scowl twisted into a snarl.

“(Y/N).” Your name came out as a growl. “So the news is true. You carry that cad Tartaglia's spawn.” His lips curled in disgust.

A sigh escaped your lips. “His Majesty the Emperor is my husband, brother. Did you come all this way without a word, disrupting your duties, just to weigh down the father of your future niece or nephew?” You replied calmly.

Myriad full moons have come and passed, yet you remain the epitome of a lady who possessed the control and mastery over her emotions. In the past, it was a source of pride to Shiva from how you refused to break under any pressure—that if anyone wanted to find a flaw in you, their failure was all that could be found. But, now that he met your gaze with a flare of his own eyes, it irked him how you could remain so infuriatingly calm when he wanted to stir strong emotions.

“You concluded correctly, sister. My purpose is precisely to weigh that tyrant," he replied tersely. “He is unworthy of one like you. To think, my esteemed sister reduced to bearing the offspring of a mere war dog."

You gazed steadily at your brother, trying to keep a reign on your rising frustration. As Empress, you are well-practiced in diplomacy. But with family, diplomacy sometimes feels like a losing battle.

Taking a measured breath, you speak in a soft yet unyielding tone. “Ajax may have been a warrior in his youth, but he is so no longer, his battle-days are behind him. As the Emperor of Snezhnaya, he is a skilled ruler and has treated me with nothing but love and respect.”

If Shiva insists on continuing this argument, you swear—oh, you swear on God's name—to turn and walk away from him. No matter that he traveled all the way from Liyue and abandoned the birthday banquet that he called off (based on the information that Sasha brought), you're feeling the effects of the physical changes on your body and worry that you won't be able to handle much more. The babe is restless and your patience wearing thin. Another cutting remark and you might do something unwise.

Shiva was about to part his lips, and you braced yourself to hear more nonsense from him. He puffed himself like a pufferfish ready to strike, his facial expression wild and you wondered what was going on inside his head.

“I shall demand Tartaglia face me in single combat at once! For putting you in such a condition without my consent!”

You release a long-suffering sigh, one delicate hand lifted to press gloved fingers against furrowed brow. “For heaven's sake, brothers, husbands and wives tend to produce children without their siblings' approval. It's the natural way of things.”

“But you are the princess! And my sister!” Shiva sputtered. “No man touches you without my say-so!”

You massaged the bridge of your nose. “Shiva, I was married off with full blessings; and I'm an Empress now, with duties and affections of my own. Must you act stupid all the time? The child kicks as we speak, eager to meet the world, and you insist on this nonsense?” Your patience drips faster with every word Shiva says.

“He must answer for impregnating you!”

You throw your hands to the sky with failing patience. “For the love of—I'm just as responsible, you twit! Now either you end this stupidity or board the next ship before I brain you with this teapot.”

The Liyuean emperor was about to respond once more when you shot him a pointed look that silenced him for a thousand words. Shiva—the imposing and menacing Shiva—now visibly deflated like a sad balloon; anyone watching might have mistaken him for a large, pouting child rather than the mighty emperor of Liyue. His looming form seemed to shrink in on itself, broad shoulders curling forward and thick eyebrows kitting into a hurt frown.

Feeling your anger subside, you exhale bringing the last of your irritation out of your body, ready for a calmer, more reasonable conversation. “Come now, brother,” you started. “Stop sulking like a child. While you are here, I want to spend some good time with you. I've missed your company.”

Reaching out, you grabbed his larger hand trying to cheer him up. “Now then, why is it you've stayed inside the palace this time, instead of your favorite mansion as usual? Did something happen there?” You asked, your eyes narrowed with curiosity.

It was unusual for Shiva to leave the privacy of his mansion, settling at the Emerald Palace instead. It was always his habit to keep himself as far away from the radius of the Snezhnaya royal—imperial, now—family as possible. Or perhaps, as difficult as it was for your towering brother to admit, he simply wanted to spend more time with you during this visit. With a child soon to arrive, everyone will need the bonds of kinship to thrive; Shiva may have long assumed that your parents would not be on your list of expected family members, judging by your complicated relationship with your Liyuean family—duty and tradition often take precedence over emotional bonds. Shiva is the only one left as that anchor of familial closeness now more than ever.

Shiva cleared his throat gruffly, tugging at his ornate collar as if suddenly feeling confined. “Well, you know how it is. Can’t have you and that man multiplying willy-nilly before this one’s arrival, now can we?”

Your eyebrows fell in the flat, annoyed face you showed him. “Shiva, I say this with affection—producing children does not work that way.”

A hint of pink surfaced on his stately cheekbones. “Nonsense, I know precisely how these matters work. My informants keep me well-apprised.”

"Do they?" You raise a slender brow. “Somehow I doubt your informants' ‘updates' covered the specifics of pregnancy.”

Shiva harrumphed. “But, how then do twins come to be if not two planted at a time?”

You stifled a laugh. “The seed of twins quickens together through some quirk of nature, not… repetitive activities, as you suggest. One pregnancy, two babes—a blessing, not a strategy.”

The imposing Emperor of Liyue—tall and broad-shouldered, with chiseled features any sculptor with covet; yet, for all his power and prestige, in some ways, Shiva would always be the same. Small wonder the ladies of the court were forever vying for his attention, with but a glance and rumbling baritone, Shiva could make even the most steadfast knees quake. His valor in battle was legendary throughout Teyvat. As Emperor of Liyue, he commanded absolute obedience through dominance, vigilance, and cunning.

Yet for all his strength, domestic minutiae proved his bane. You have long grown accustomed to gently schooling him about the softer side of life. Babes, intimacy, and vulnerability were mystical puzzles to your pragmatic brother. They reminded you that for all his power and influence, at heart he remained your big brother. The same big brother who skipped etiquette class to play with you.

"Hmm.." Shiva stroked his imaginary beard. “There is still the matter of your… husband.”

You sigh. “Again?” This time, you turn your shoes to turn the other way. The wind was too cold and your legs were too sore to have this conversation anymore.

Shiva walked quickly to catch up with you. “He had best treated you well in your condition.” He grumbled, eyes hard as granite.

“Ajax dotes on me, as always.” Sometimes it's even too close to smothering; you wanted to add anything but didn't, out of concern that somehow Shiva will magically take this as a literal complaint. "But I thank you for your concern, brother."

The last rays of sunlight were fading fast as clouds deepened its shades of gray across the Emerald Palace gardens. You gazed around appreciatively, taking in the seasonal beauty of falling leaves. Auburn and scarlet leaves swirled upon currents of chilly air, coating lawns and paths in a blanket of faded color. Your breath misted before your plump lips in the dropping temperatures. As if sensing your discomfort, the babe within shifted and stretched, seeking warmth.

"It grows dark, and this cold will not do for anyone in my state," You looked at Shiva with a soft smile. “Walk with me back inside, brother? I believe a nice cup of hot tea by the fire is in order.”

The Liyuean emperor glanced down with a concerned frown, noticing the loss of color on your lips. Gently, Shiva opened his powerful palms to receive your smaller fingers upon his forearms. Even through the fabric, you could feel the waves of his inner furnace warming your skin.

“Fragile as a newborn bird.” He grumbled, though care dwelt in his stern gaze.

Leaning upon his sturdy frame, the two of you began the slow walk back to comforts within. The sunlight was getting dimmer. As shadows engulfed the gardens, the wind howled more fiercely through emerging tree branches, abandoning its playful mood. You bury your nose into your upturned collar, breathing in its lingering scent of sandalwood and spice. Despite all of that, Shiva still makes sure that his steps are not so wide that you struggle to match his. Slow and careful is better.

"Watch your step. Lean upon me if you're worried—it's better than the chance of a stumble or fall.”

Your heart swells at his fussy care, unsurprised though deeply touched. Fierce emperor he is, yet where family is, lies the same tender heart of your childhood, still beating sure and strong. This was far from new—from your earliest memories, it was Shiva who swept you into strong arms when storms raged, telling tales until even lightning's flash seemed like a play.

Little Shiva often gets reprimanded for "teaching" his sister to climb the ancient pine tree to retrieve his favorite celestial crab toy that got stuck high in the branches. Naughty girl climbs like a little monkey, but then too scared to come down. Big brother Shiva climbs up to save you, and you both end up having ears pulled by the caretaker Gong Gong for damaging boughs older than even their venerable dynasty.

The final step up the steps of the main palace is taken and closes your long journey to reach here. Home at last. You sigh contentedly, rubbing your belly where a new life stirred. Gazing up at the towering figure who has guided you since birth, you feel a surge of gratitude and safety wrap around you like a cashmere shawl.

Rain began to pelt the earth outside the window. A faint, untamed wind entered through the open door and caused the fire to dance before it was shut.

No matter what storms life sent your way, you knew without a doubt that your steadfast brother would always stand like a great pine, sheltering you under the boughs of his protection. Some things, it seemed, did not change even with time's passage. As you are led to refresh yourself by the fire, you send up a silent prayer of thanks for the brother who was, and always will be, your greatest protector under heaven.

It was raining outside.

Being a Snezhnayan-born, he was unaffected by snowstorms even.  He recalled boyhood winters where ice-cold feet covered in white had become a habit, and hypothermia had repeatedly passed by his mother's reprimands because little Ajax had played outside for too long. He often said the cold didn't bother him, and the Queen at that time responded with another string of stern lectures about mortal limits. "You may have thick skin and tough bones, but no man can contest with nature in her fury," she always said.

It was raining outside.

As the council droned on around discussions of trade routes and border disputes, the Emperor's focus wavered again to the pounding rain. Some part of him will always find solace in storms' primal rhythms, recalling simpler days playing in the palace white gardens.

But now another occupied his thoughts, and this autumn downpour no longer held nostalgia—just a chill that he knew she wasn't bred to withstand. His wife, you, the Empress, possessed a Liyuean's preference for temperate climates and was not so adapted to cold and damp. Frown found him easily. And with child too now, each storm brought new cause for concern.

Childe wonders what you're doing as the heavens open their floodgates. Resting as suggested, tucked cozily by the fire under layers of blankets? Or do you insist on wandering, eagle-eyed handmaidens fretting while you trailed damp slippers through resplendent halls? Childe knows how stubborn you are, and he also knows your ladies-in-waiting have laid down life itself if harm threatens their empress or babe. Still, he is unable to subdue his inclinations.

Perhaps a visit was in order.

As the discussion continued, Childe glanced at his confidant, Dmitri. The young, diligent, man lends a keen ear to the proceedings, a pen scratching next to a pile of notebook paper.

Childe knew that if he was suggested to leave the council meeting to see his empress, he would be met with disgruntlement from him. Dmitri took his duties as confidant seriously, and interrupting state affairs for personal reasons went against propriety. Sure enough, he could already hear a series of protests. “Your Majesty, the generals are presenting vital information. This is not the time for idle social calls.” Or perhaps, “The Empress will understand your devotion to duty, sire. Go to her when business is concluded.”

But Dmitri's words would fall on deaf ears as always, anyway. If it came to you, Childe was ruled by heart far more than head. And his heart now beats in worry for your comfort in this unruly weather. So, let Dmitri shout until he was hoarse. Your smile is worth any scolding. And the baby… oh, how he longed to feel those tiny kicks against his big palms.

Just as General Gorin slowly rose to present his next point, Childe waved his hand and smoothly cut in. “Gentlemen, I am grateful for all the insights that have been shared so far. However, more pressing matters now demanded my attention. Let's end today's meeting and continue planning tomorrow.”

Surprised murmurs filled the room as the Emperor rose, meeting already ended without warning. Dmitri shot Childe a pointed look asking clearer than words – “Pressing matters, Your Majesty? What matters could possibly arise now?” He asked full of confusion, but a suspicion and guess was hidden underneath.

Childe merely flashed his confidant a guileless smile and shrugged without a care. “Family matters. You understand this.”

Oh, Dmitri understands it all too well. The confidant has long been accustomed to his emperor's whims wherever it concerns his empress. How he understood the depth of Childe's devotion to you.

Like that inspection of new naval defenses, where one of your ladies-in-waiting's arrival brings news of your headache turning Childe on his heel, meeting forgotten. General Gorin’s rage at disrupted schedules took moons to subside.

Or that time, yet another council meeting was thrown into disarray by Childe's protectiveness of you. The advisers had gathered to discuss border security when suddenly, the Emperor shot up from his seat said an urgent matter had arisen, and they should continue the discussion among themselves. Sure enough, they soon learned the “urgent matter” was that you insisted on taking a walk around the garden that afternoon. One of your maidens had come to notify Childe, worried you might tire yourself from the early stages of your pregnancy.

Not that Childe neglected his duties—somehow he always resolved imperial affairs with his usual flare, despite his distracted heart. But propriety and practicality demand that protocols be adhered to! What if an urgent vote is needed, or a treaty is signed, in his hasty absence? He understood, truly understood his emperor's loyalty to the family. But, as a confidant, it grew tiresome to have to have strategic discussions interrupted at vital moments just because the Emperor “just wanted to check on her.”

With a tired sigh, Dmitri forced himself to speed up his pace to match Childe's determined strides through the palace halls. “There is one other matter requiring your attention, Your Majesty.”

Childe threw him a sideways glance, blue eyes sharpening. “Out with it, Dmitri.” He demanded.

“Emperor Shiva of Liyue is presently within the palace walls,” Dmitri stated.

The Emperor halted abruptly, whipping to face his advisor with eyes like a blade drawn. “And you didn't tell me sooner, Boyar?”

Dmitri bowed in contrition. “Forgive me, Your Majesty. I just received word upon leaving the council chambers. It seems that the Liyue ruler came unannounced, desiring an audience solely with Her Majesty the Empress.”

Childe’s scowl spoke volumes on his fraught relationship with your overprotective brother. While necessity forged an alliance, personal warmth was lacking between the proud rulers. Shiva saw himself your guardian first, diplomacy second. And the prospect of his beloved sister bearing children for an “outsider” emperor did little to endear. Many cold stares had passed between the men in your presence.

The young emperor resumed his long strides, lips pursed in a hard line. “Where is he now?”

His confidant hastened to keep up. “From words of the guards, the Empress welcomed her brother into the Emerald Palace gardens. But seeing storm clouds gather, they retired to Her Majesty's private drawing room for tea indoors." Dmitri answered.

The scowls on his handsome face deepened. Childe made long, purposeful strides down the gleaming palace halls, cape billowing behind him like the stormclouds overhead. Servants scattered from his frigid aura, wise people try to avoid his presence. Dmitri behind him followed hurriedly, trying to catch air with ragged breaths.

Poor young man. The more they approached the chamber, the more Dmitri's mind raced frenziedly considering all potential scenarios and consequences. While his Emperor maintained cordial smiles in public, that gleaming blade swung beneath could destroy the unwise. He knew well Childe's mercurial nature—charming one moment, savage the next if challenged. Combined with Shiva's openly imperious streak, this encounter has disaster written in its stars.

By the time the duo reached the chamber doors, sweat dripped down Dmitri's pale face. Taking a moment to compose himself, he sent up a fervent prayer to any deity listening.

All his diplomatic prowess seemed like tattered silk amidst the hurricane that was about to collide in the drawing room. Only one held the power to steer these storms to calmer waters—Her Majesty Empress (Y/N). Time and again, Dmitri has seen you easily maneuver the most stubborn of men to your will, employing but a look or word. If fortune is on his side, perhaps your radiant presence has calmed their ruffled quills within.

The guards straightened as Childe's purposeful steps stopped right in front of the towering door. With a practiced announcement, the first cried:

“Announcing the arrival of His Majesty, Childe, Sovereign Emperor of Snezhnaya!”

Instantly, the heavy portals swung inward under the straining muscles, hinges moving as smoothly as the tides. Inside, soft lamplight bathes a tapestry scene of tranquility. Marble floors gleamed ahead, inviting new visitors into the drawing room.

From the presence of two new people, you looked up from your tea. "Ajax, you've come!" Your beautiful face lit up with joy upon seeing Childe enter.

Your beaming smile helped ease tension from Childe's rigid frame. Walking over, he went to your side and took your hand in his. “Wife,” he greeted, smiling lips placing a kiss on your knuckles. You truly are his sun, chasing away all the shadows in his soul and decorating his heart with gold carvings.

Ah, right.

Although resentment still simmered within at Shiva's unwelcome visit, Childe knew very well the game had to be played. So, with considered effort, he molded his expression into a faux friendliness. The smile rings the bells of falsity to those closely observing, but to the untrained eye, it may pass.

Turning to Shiva, Childe addressed him in smooth tones, “Brother,” he said, feeling like cutting off his own tongue. “It's been too long.”

Shiva's return greeting comes short with an absence of warmth. Leveling Childe with an unwavering stare, he replied, “Indeed. Though some absences feel shorter than others.”

A hint of irritation flashed across Childe's features at Shiva's sly jab. But, years of training to become Snezhnaya's future successor had schooled his temper. A mirthless chuckle rose from his throat as he replied.

“Brother, ever the lapdog snapping at anything that moves without caring for the mess left behind. Is solitude wearing on you? No wonder you ache for stimulation.”

Shiva’s eyes flashed at the provocation. “Careful little wolf, your words reveal more about yourself than I,” he retorted coolly. “At least I don’t go snarling rabidly at any who threaten my fleas. Liyue has prospered without incident under my watch. Can the same be said for your frozen wasteland?”

Childe's faux-smile vanished, the mask evaporates revealing the devil beneath. “Snezhnaya has thrived despite constant meddling from supposed ‘allies.’ Perhaps if certain neighbors attended their own affairs instead of sniffing mine, they'd find less cause for petty complaints.” He gritted his teeth.

Shiva scoffed. “It must sting that even your neighbors consider you an annoyance.”

As the emperors' argument grew more heated, your expression changed from beaming joy to stern annoyance.

“Enough, both of you.” Your voice rang clearly, cutting through the tension and instantly capturing their attention. Those beautiful eyes, usually warm as spring sun, now glinted cool. “Honestly, I expected more maturity from my husband and brother. If you have problems remaining civil, remove yourselves from my presence.”

At your sharp words, both Childe and Shiva looked abashed, like puppies being scolded from tearing pillows, tails wagging between their legs. You had united two nations through their marriage where once only hostility stood; yet now the proud rulers of two empires are quarreling in what should be a quiet evening full of warm tea and fires. With a weary sigh, you massage your temples as if you were physically hurt by their foolishness.

You see Shiva about to open his mouth to deliver another biting retort—always wanting to have the last word—but, with a sharp stare, his jaw closes again.

"Say another word and you will regret it." you are warned in a low tone laced with threats.

With a lovely smile on his lips, Childe turned to you, hoping to win you over to his side. “Angel,” he purred, brushing a tender kiss to your knuckles—Shiva wanted to spill his guts at the sight. “You know how your brother enjoys provoking me. I meant no disrespect.”

Shiva scoffed but dared not test his luck with your anger still on him. Childe ignored the sound, focusing completely on appeasing his wife.

You narrowed your eyes. "You're not completely innocent in this, Ajax." You reminded him.

“But, love—”

Childe was interrupted when you raised your index finger to shush him. "And I've thought about it for a while," you say, pausing to get both men's attention with your poignant tone. “We'll use the duration of Shiva's stay here as time for you to reconnect without titles between you. As family, not rulers. Which is why you and Shiva will accompany me on my trip to Zelenossosh.”

Immediate protests erupted from both men.

“Spend leisure with him?” Childe grunted, jerking a thumb at Shiva. “You ask too much, love.”

Shiva sneered. “As if I wanted some time alone with the mongrel Emperor and his ilk.”

“Gentlemen, peace, please. And I've decided," you said firmly. “This trip is not optional. We will leave in three days, and you will spend the entire time there bonding over the activities of my choosing. No politics or policies are allowed to be discussed.”

“But sister! This is—”

“(Y/N), anything but—”

A dramatic gasp came out of you, surprising both of them. “Oh my, is it that time already?” You mused, stretching your muscles gracefully, pretending to be tired of your duties. “Ajax, Shiva, please excuse me as I retire for my evening bath. My handmaidens, help an exhausted Empress to her chambers, if you please.”

Your two handmaidens appear, hurry to aid you in your “weariness.” But, the twinkling eyes said otherwise as you smiled over your shoulder.

“Try to get along without me, won't you, Your Majesties?” you said in faux-innocence.

With barely veiled amusement, you watch them tense up at the prospect of forced solo interactions. Chuckling softly to yourself, you walk out with a satisfied smile, escorted by your lovely ladies-in-waiting.

The atmosphere in the room grew thick like sour milk after your absence lifted the veil of politeness. The two men managed to maintain the first ten seconds in silence, avoiding each other's gaze like tomcats dropped in a sack together. Jaws locked. Teeth were gritted and the last bit of patience was running out.

Shiva sat tensely, fingers clenched, creating crescent prints in his palms as he glared daggers at Childe from the corners of his eyes. "This is your doing, Wolf."

Childe snorted, delicate eyebrow arched. “My doing? Tell me, how so.” He met his gaze.

“You intend to poison my sister's mind against me with your honeyed lies,” Shiva hissed.

An ugly sneer curled Childe’s lip. “The only poison here is your constant meddling in affairs that don’t concern you. If you hadn’t come nosing around Snezhnaya again—”

“Nosing around?” Shiva bellowed, face turning purple. “You got my sister pregnant without my permission! How dare you impregnate her without my blessing. What if something had gone wrong, huh? It’s all your fault!”

Childe gritted his teeth, growing frustrated with Shiva's overprotective attitude. “She is my wife, not some decorative pet you own. And do I need to remind you that children are a normal part of marriage, or is it not like that where you come from?”

“Don't twist this to your advantage, wolf,” Shiva stood up from his chair, pointing a slanderous finger at Childe. “I see your game—you made her so early with child to tie her to you forever, admit it!”

Those dull blue eyes gleamed with fury directly above a grin. "Ha! Is this what your deranged mind contemplates consistently?" He crossed his arms and reclined on the couch as his gaze trained on Shiva's emotional turmoil.

“You think to use her body for your ambitions of an heir!”

Breaking through the restraint he possessed, the ginger-haired man swiftly rose to his feet and prowled towards the Liyue Emperor. Though nearly equal in height and build, his explosive temper made him seem to tower over Shiva in that moment. A cruel, wrathful smile twisted his lips as blue orbs darkened with barely contained fury.

“Say that to my face again,” Childe dared in a deadly quiet tone. “It would be my honor to educate that foul tongue of yours once and for all.”

Shiva met his furious gaze, steady as stone. “Withdraw your implication or face the consequences, dog.”

A loud scoff came out of Childe, his famed patience was dragged wildly and almost completely evaporated. Fists clenched tightly, knuckles bleached, straining with the effort to resist lashing out—he knew it would only benefit Shiva, that the Liyue dog would use it as an opportunity to take your sympathy to his side. But every pore and disciplined muscle screams for release, to put this peacock in its place through whatever it takes.

“I've wanted nothing more than to rearrange that handsome face of yours since we met,” Childe threatened, cracking his knuckles with malicious intent.

To his surprise, Shiva threw back his head and laughed—a deep, ironic chuckle. The Liyuean bent over to select a dessert fork laid out on the table. Twirling the utensil dexterously between his long fingers, Shiva straightened his back and shot Childe a look from under lowered lashes.

“Is that so? Well, you’re not entirely wrong—I am rather easy on the eyes.”

“You really want to do this, don't you?” Childe's query didn't seek confirmation, rather, it served as a last warning before he enacted his plan to "resculpt" that stunning jaw into something no better than the monument commemorating the demise of the last Duke of Krykiye, a statue that ultimately ceased to exist due to being considered government treason.

Shiva flashed a shark's smile, dessert fork now hidden in his fist. “Then come – take your best shot, little Emperor. Let's see if your skills live up to that big mouth of yours."

The sly words were the final shards to break Childe's crumbling restraint. Damn it! To damnation with patience and consequences! He vowed, in the name of his late father, to pummel Shiva's appearance, rearranging it until it remained unrecognizable to the point where he could never return to Liyue and rule the empire again. The ideal circumstance is that he would be deported and branded as an impostor claiming to be the Liyue emperor who had “abruptly” disappeared after traveling to Snezhnaya. Go to hell with it all. With a wordless snarl, he lunged, fists flying—

“Sir Dmitri arrived just in time, it seems. His Majesty and Emperor Shiva appeared quite.. animated in their exchange.”

From the news delivered by Sasha, you opened your eyes and raised an eyebrow, not completely surprised. Laura's efforts in lifting your burden all day with her slender fingers massaging your temples and head are wasted on the confirmation of Childe and Shiva returning to their squabbles almost immediately after you departed from their presence. The bathing chambers are luxuriously designed to soothe tired muscles. Floating flower petals in warm water soaking your naked body does little to ease your stress.

"Was anybody hurt?"

You look at Sasha and receive a shake of the head. "Fortunately," you are informed, "Sir Dmitri is quite skilled in managing those types of situations. The two have retired to their personal quarters."

You sigh. “Those foolish men. Put them in one room and watch the entire house burn down.” You said.

Sasha nodded in agreement. “Men will be men, I'm told.”

You relaxed into the pillowy embrace of bubbles, warm water soaking your shoulders, while Laura rinsed the last of the shampoo from your long hair. With a gentle hand, you begin stroking your swollen belly, silently musing at the child growing inside.

“Please don't take after your father and uncle, little one,” you said wryly. “I pray you inherit my calm rather than their hot tempers and their thirst for contention and chaos.”

Countess Sasha chuckled softly at your candid words. “Fate itself knows what traits Snezhnaya's successor will claim. We can only hope that their generosity and diplomacy will outweigh their recklessness.” She spoke, and the ladies shared a grin.

Maybe it's time for you to journey to a temple and make an offering that your pleas would be accepted by the gods. If, by some stroke of luck, your child inherited Childe's free-spirited and spontaneous nature, you were practically certain your hair would turn white within a single night's rest. The capital would be unable to withstand the chaos, and Snezhnaya's enemies would be thrown into confusion by the fall of the empire in a short time—sealing their years of fantasizing about its downfall.

Just then, Ksenia entered the bath chamber and rushed to your side carefully. “Your Majesty, the Emperor requests an audience.” She spoke softly as she knelt beside your bathub.

You raised an eyebrow, sharing an amused glance with Sasha. “Speak of the devil..” You mumbled, then sighed. “Fine, let him in.”

Soon, Childe was swept into the bathroom, still dressed in his royal clothes. His face softened at the sight of you, but then he frowned in confusion at the others. "Why are they all in here?" he asked.

"They kept me good company, unlike certain emperors who desired to declare war every time they met."

Childe huffed. “It wasn't entirely my doing—Shiva provoked me, you know that. If it weren't for my wisdom, we would've come to blows.” He tried to reason.

You raised a skeptical brow. "I was under the impression that Dmitri was the one who intervened and separated you two?"

“Through Dmitri, yes – but his position comes from my leadership. Therefore, the credit is mine.”

A fond yet tired sigh escaped your lips. Truly, managing this Emperor and all the nonsensical things he does is a feat in itself. When others only see him as nothing more than his pretty surface, you take the time to discern what's bothering him underneath, allowing your steady voice to help guide him to calmer ports. His charisma and strategic mind have garnered a lot of respect; but beneath, his soul still yearns for adventure on the battlefield where he excels. It stirs wild impulses that defeat calmer and rational thinking in heated moments.

But you see, Childe was trying to grow out of his old self to become a better emperor for the empire. Where violence was once his first tongue, patience and diplomacy now speak louder through his efforts. He'll continue abandoning rashness like battered armor outgrown, and you'll be there every step of the way.

“You know how he plucks my strings, angel.”

As Childe spoke those words to you, his hand rose to his collar. Slowly, deliberately, he began to unbutton his royal shirts one by one. He eases the heavy fabric from his broad shoulders in a single, practiced motion, revealing his numerous scars—a history that is reluctant to be forgotten on his skin. And he was beautiful precisely because he was battle-tested yet unbroken.

Your ladies-in-waiting took the cue to discreetly gather towels and depart with flushed smiles. Childe unbuckled and threw the belt behind him without a care. He approached you, and your gaze roamed over your husband's nearly naked body in awe. The skin is smooth and light, muscles defined yet free of excess bulk. Years of combat had honed his physique to its peak.

The chiseled 'V' leads down from his waist to where his trousers clung low on his hips. Blocks like smoothed stone make a square on the stomach, not overly large but firm under the touch. You remember fond nights tracing their lines with fingers or lips, feeling them contract at your actions.

"But for you both, my love, I will try to keep a calm head."

With feline grace, Childe stepped into the bath, causing the waters to surge. You smiled and shifted forward invitingly to give him room. He settled behind you, long legs flanking your form, and circling your swollen middle with strong yet gentle arms. The warmth is placed on your exposed shoulder as he kisses it affectionately. You lean back with a sigh, nestling your damp hair against his collarbone. He kissed your temple, one large hand spread protectively over the unborn babe within.

“Don't worry, your promise will be put to the test when the three of us leave for Zelenossosh later.” You said and Childe let out an exaggerated groan and buried his face in the crook of your neck, eliciting a soft laugh from you.

Within three days, the three of you will head for Zelenossosh. A rational individual would say that it would be unwise to proceed with this plan - Childe is a troublemaker, and pairing him with Shiva's fiery temper is a risky undertaking. Even if you decide to travel to Zelenossosh, a location known for its tranquil appearance, composed of pretty hills and beaches, it will probably turn into another loud argument – just with a prettier backdrop this time!

Only time will tell what the fate of their traveling party will be, and you can only pray that it will end with more joy than murder.

SUPPORT ME THROUGH KO-FI! CHECK MY WRITING COMMISSION.

[temnurus]

Wangxian Top Ten Fic Recs

So. I got into MDZS/The Untamed back in February, & I've sort of fallen into a Wangxian black hole from which I am not sure I will ever emerge. Thusly, I've been reading a ton of Wangxian fanfiction lately & have acquired quite a few favorites. Naturally I had to eventually compile a rec list lest I combust with all the barely suppressed love I have for this ship.

Now you lucky people get to reap the benefits of all my hard work because not only have I ranked my top ten, I am also including a bunch of honorable mentions because I'm ridiculous & have no self restraint because I'm such a kind & generous person. Note that the honorable mentions are not ranked & are listed in no particular order.

Fair warning, all of these recs are rated Explicit because I enjoy either a sprinkling or a flood of adult content with my fics. It's far from the focus of many of them, but it's there to varying degrees in each. Also, some of these fics cover some heavy content that may be triggering for some folks, so please do mind the tags & any authors' notes for your own peace of mind.

And with no further adieu, onto the recs!

1. Scars Where They Used to Be by CwythanWind (E, 58,467)

Thoughts: I lost count of how many times I cried in this fic. It was gorgeous in every sense of the word. The characterizations were phenomenal. Wei Ying’s pain was palpable, & the pining was agonizing. Lan Zhan conveying his love through poetry made me sob like a baby twice. The prose was just that beautiful. I can’t recommend this enough. As soon as I finished it I knew it was going to become my favorite Wangxian fic, & nothing has managed to top it yet.

2. Beneath Your Skin by Wrenwolf (E, 147,201)

Thoughts: I was sold on tattoo artist Wei Ying from the word go, haha, but Lan Zhan as an antiques dealer was also surprisingly on point. I go on about characterization a lot in these recs, but I have to tell you that Lan Zhan's here is one of my absolute favorites. I felt like I'd crawled into his skin & was just living there right along with him. And don't get me started on Wei Ying in this fic. I just.. fuck, I cried so much, y'all, & it was incredibly cathartic. Nie Huaisang was my favorite side character in this, & they were an absolute BAMF! You can't go wrong with this one. It's just stunning.

3. Pentimento. by orange_crushed (E, 72,966)

Thoughts: This fic was full of sentiment: regrets, longing, & so, so nostalgic. The love of art was apparent & beautifully on display here, & it added a richness to the whole thing. I cried several times during this from the empathy I had for both Lan Zhan's & Wei Ying's experiences (can you sense a theme with my favorites making me overly emotional? lol). The tone got heavy in places, but it didn't feel graphic or overwhelming at any point for me. The writing was just fantastic, & I've enjoyed a few more of the author's fics since I read this one.

4. i'm gonna drown when you wake up by teenjiism (E, 51,752)

Thoughts: I related to this fic on several levels because both characters are portrayed as neurodivergent in ways that felt very authentic, & I rarely see it done as well as it was here. I have ADHD, & Wei Ying's headspace felt extremely familiar, ha. Lan Zhan & Wei Ying's friendship was so lovely here, too. I adored their easy intimacy & how they were each other's favorite person before Wei Ying even realized he was in love with Lan Zhan. Oh yes, this is another fantastic oblivious Wei Ying/One Brain Cell WWX Strikes Again fic. The pining was perfect, & the overall sweetness of their relationship made this a very floaty/happy reading experience for me, personally.

5. Nothing But Trouble by brooklinegirl (E, 60,318)

Thoughts: Continuing with the theme of One Brain Cell WWX Strikes Again, this was a hilarious & heady fake dating scenario fic. His cluelessness reached new heights in this one, & I about died when he came up with the idea that naturally he & Lan Zhan should practice things like kissing for authenticity's sake. (Oh Wei Ying, you sweet summer child... he kills me; can you tell?) I loved how matter-of-fact Lan Zhan was about the whole thing, too. I laughed a lot during this fic. I even blushed a couple of times, too! Highly enjoyable & a must-read for me.

6. you've ruined my life (by not being mine) by cicer (E, 132,713)

Thoughts: None of the parents in this fic are doing a good job, but hey, they didn't in canon either, in my not-so-humble opinion. It's not what I focused on in the fic, but the tags certainly amused me. I haven't come across many texting fics in MDZS, so this was a pleasant & welcome surprise. The whole fic wasn't done through texting, but their text exchanges were SO CUTE. Lan Zhan texted exactly how I thought he would in this, & it made me laugh every time. The pining was lovely, & when they finally got to see each other in person again in New York I was glued to my computer until I finished the fic. I adored the tone of this one. It was great & just a really fun read.

7. and so my heart beats wildly by lily_winterwood (E, 106,435)

Thoughts: This was one of the most original modern AUs I've seen & featured competitive cultivation that had a Hunger Games meets professional figure-skating competition vibe. It was wild, but it made sense when I read it, I promise. The author was very good at fleshing out their world, & I was fascinated by the concept. Wei Ying once again failed to notice Lan Zhan was in love with him, & his confusion over their interactions never failed to entertain me. I never get tired of their dynamic, y'all, & it was just perfect here. I highly recommend this one.

8. Falling to the Rhythm by Selenay (E, 128,916)

Thoughts: Ever seen So You Think You Can Dance or Strictly Come Dancing? This was basically that but Wangxian! Wei Ying was stunning as a professional dancer being handed a socially awkward, concert violinist Lan Zhan & having to teach him to dance in front of the nation for 12 weeks, & I absolutely loved Lhan Zhan in this. He was precious. The sexual tension during some of the dances was electrifying, & watching them fall in love over the course of the filming of the show was a delight to read.

9. Two Dollar Coffee by marizousbooty (E, 145,286)

Thoughts: I almost fell out of my chair laughing because how do you acquire an accidental sugar daddy?! Well, if you read this fic, you'll find out. One Brain Cell WWX Strikes Again! Yeah, it's one of my favorite AO3 tags, so sue me, lol. The sex was obviously one of the highlights, which I am known to enjoy in a fic (don't judge me, Puritans), but it certainly wasn't the only thing that was well written here. I loved everything about this from beginning to end.

10. things that make it warm by yabakuboi (E, 33,327)

Thoughts: This fic hurt my feelings, not gonna lie. I cried ugly tears at the break up, but I've always had a hard time with reconciliation fics. It was very worth it, however. The way the fic covered their relationship growing & changing over time was very compelling, & a highlight of this for me was Wei Ying's relationship with the Wens, particularly A'Yuan. It was very sweet amongst an ocean of angst, haha. I read this in the span of a couple hours. Just couldn't be torn away. If you're a sucker for angst with a happy ending, then you might want to check this one out.

Honorable Mentions

The Simplest Way Forward by harriet_vane (E, 70,972)

Thoughts: This was so heartwarming I couldn't stop smiling over how adorable it was. Kid fics aren't typically a favorite of mine, but I do enjoy a really good one every now & then. This was one of the best I've read, to be honest. A'Yuan was the sweetest little angel, & he was so cute with Wei Ying spazzing out about every aspect of his care. Lan Zhan being the quiet, responsible source of reason & support was expected but of course always a welcome addition to the mix. Accidental Baby Acquisition isn't a tag I'd seen before, but it's a new favorite when it comes to Wangxian getting to be surprise parents together, haha.

undone (the spreadsheet song) series by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 282,452)

Thoughts: This is a two part series that tells the same story from each love interest’s point of view, a la Rivals by Reiya in the YoI fandom, which is one of my favorites of all time. Similarly, this story is also phenomenally written. I was sucked in immediately & read both fics over the span of like 3 days. I actually read Lan Zhan’s POV fic (the second in the series) in a single day. I was spellbound by the whole thing, couldn’t get enough. I highly recommend this. The characterizations are incredible, & the emotions are so intense I couldn’t help but feel everything right along with each of them as the story progressed.

My only word of caution is that if you have a hard time reading about Wangxian being intimate with people other than each other you might want to skim/skip those sections of the second fic like I had to. The author makes it fairly easy by giving a heads up in the author’s notes at the beginning of each chapter in which that occurs, which I very much appreciated.

Many happy returns. by orange_crushed (E, 25,470)

Thoughts: This fic started with a very serendipitous first meeting between businessman Lan Zhan & Wei Ying, who he mistook for the (non-sexual) escort he'd hired for the evening. I nearly died of mortification right along with poor Lan Zhan when he figured out his mistake. Him confessing this to Wei Ying was painfully awkward & hurt my heart, but fear not! We all know I can't handle a fic without an eventual happy ending, haha. Watching their instant connection develop into something more was such a treat. I loved this fic quite a lot for it being a quicker read for me.

Multiphonics by androkastia (E, 63,705)

Thoughts: Wei Ying was such a lovable disaster in this (as he often is, bless him). Him & Lan Zhan both being in the orchestra was a fun idea, & I loved the author's choice of the harp for Lan Zhan's instrument. I thought it was very different from the usual violin or cello choice I've seen previously but still suited him perfectly. I also loved his overall characterization, down to his fashion sense being tastefully eclectic when his style is usually portrayed as very stuffy & conservative. I really enjoyed this college/university AU, & I've read quite a few of them at this point. So obviously this one stood out.

No Compasses, No Signs by brooklinegirl (E, 36,041)

Thoughts: Ah, finally! A soulmate fic. A Temnurus rec list really wouldn't be complete without at least one. This was a modern AU, which made it especially fun when their soul bond inexplicably manifested as they literally collided with each other on the sidewalk. It was painful watching them fumble for answers to why they suddenly knew things about each other they had no way of knowing only moments before, but the sweet conclusion made it more than worth the temporary angst.

A Haunting Love by Selenay (E, 64,621)

Thoughts: This was another very unique modern with magic AU, & I was nervous because Wei Ying was a ghost haunting Lan Zhan's new house in the quiet little town he moved to in order to write his next novel. Naturally Lan Zhan became ensnared by the mystery surrounding Wei Ying's departure. This had a very romantic feel to it, intensely poetic in a way that I found very alluring. There were even thriller-esque moments towards the end of the story, so it had a bit of everything, all of it equally satisfying to read.

love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360,042)

Thoughts: This was an example of a cool MDZS-specific trope I hadn't seen before, & in it Wei Ying, the infamous Yiling Patriarch, was a cultivator who had achieved immortality (aka, he's OP as fuck but in a fun way). The great sects enlisted his help to win the Sunshot Campaign, & what did he demand in return? Lan Zhan's hand in marriage, of course! It was a fantastic slow burn in which poor Lan Zhan suffered the mortifying ordeal of falling in love with his own husband. An amazing & complex plot, chock-full of angsty goodness.

a place to hide (can't find one near) by yiqie (E, 76,091)

Thoughts: I'm giving y'all a heads up first thing that this fic pulled no punches when it came to the heavier subject matter covered in the tags & author's note. Some of the descriptions were fairly graphic, so please take care of yourselves when considering this one. That said, it was a powerful portrayal of someone suffering from mental health issues & the long & often complicated journey of healing. This one also happened to contain a love story so beautiful that I was brought to tears several times by Lan Zhan's patient & loving care for his most important person, nevermind all the times I cried at the sad parts! I found the emotional cost of those very much worth the payoff of their happy ending, which is why I just had to include this one.

Just You, Just Me (Just Us, Just We) by wincechesters (E, 19,777)

Thoughts: Lan Zhan thought his brother made him an appointment at an acupuncturist & was aghast when he discovered it was for a session with a professional cuddler instead! Enter Wei Ying, gratuitous cuddle therapy, & his usual chaotic charm. Poor Lan Zhan being so overwhelmed while also becoming hopelessly besotted made me laugh, bless his fragile little heart. This was an adorable & light-hearted fic that made me want to go back & reread it almost immediately, haha.

my age has never made me wise by idrilka (E, 63,439)

Thoughts: I absolutely loved this. It was pretty CQL (The Untamed) compliant & told the post-canon story of Wei Ying wandering alone as a rogue cultivator after the events of the show. Of course he was pining after his zhiji the entire time, so when he heard gossip that the Chief Cultivator might be married by summer's end it nearly undid him. The angst was excruciating, but at the same time, One Brain Cell WWX Strikes Again fics somehow always manage to be fun at the same time. I've read several post-canon, wandering Wei Ying stories, & this one was particularly good.

[social-muffin]

I know you said for anyone, but tbh I really like hearing you talk about anyone so it's so hard to decide aaaa. So I present you 4 options, Hibari and skull of course, But I want to shake your head and see if you got anything mukuro and xanxus(you don't have to do all 4 just at your discretion). 🦾💄👻👽

Thank you so so so so much for asking!! I send an Ask to you in return! 💞

This got looooong! Because I did answer for everyone. Hope you enjoy!! :3

Read More time!

🦾 A disability headcanon

Skull

Skull is giving me all sorts of vibes for Adhd and Dyslexia. The Adhd cause canonically that guy is not sitting still or paying attention. And to specify his dyslexia! He is absolutely multilingual. It's just that he is at completely different levels of being able to read or write depending on the language. He still can't write anything in Italian without making people around him act embarrassed on his behalf, but he can navigate around using streetsigns when he takes the time to read them properly!

Skull also has memory issues every now and then, because his ADHD is accompanied by occasional dissociation.

Hibari

This guy has Autism as well as misophonia I think. Autism because Namimori is his special interest, fighting is his hyperfixation, he stimms via pacing/patrolling, he does not get social cues and if you so much as touch his schedule/routine he will probably kick you through the nearest wall. Misophonia is just additional sound sensitivity. As in, he is unable to not focus on uncomfortable sounds. Hibari dislikes crowding because he can't deal with the sounds people's bodies make when they're eating and talking. It's distracting.

Also Fun Fact! Apparently, Misophonia is also called Sound-rage. That suits him nicely I think. :3

Xanxus

I am shaking my brain, so let's see!

Excluding the last Arc cause. The guy just really lost that, huh.

I'm thinking... PTSD at the very least. Whether he was aware during the time he was frozen or not, that whole thing is severely traumatizing and I think he suffers flashbacks whenever he gets chilly at least. Winter at the Varia mansion is absolutely heck.

Also... I think for a while after he was unfrozen, Xanxus suffers from involuntary age regression(A symptom, not a disability itself). Whether it's the trauma of being frozen or of suddenly waking up eight years older, he was not acting his physical age. In fact, I think the Varia Arc is a bit of a childish tantrum on his end. Hope he gets better soon. 😔

Mukuro

Yea, he also has PTSD. From his childhood as well as the Vindice prison. And he is blind in his red eye, at most he can differentiate light and dark on that side. He has insomnia because he doesn't want to wake up back in his cell. And I think the lives he's lived and the fact illusions are his whole deal, gives him a very similar experience to schizophrenia. 100%, this guy has scared himself with unintended/involuntary illusions on more than one occasion.

💄 An appearance headcanon

Hibari

His entire body is covered with all sorts of scars. Tiny ones, as well as a scar that spams the entire lenght of his thigh. He has gotten incredibly good at makeup to cover the visible scars, because he doesn't know what to tell people that ask questions. He also has miniscule scars on his face because... Have you see how messed up he gets in Canon??? Multiple times??? Like, yes sure, with some makeup, there is no visible difference, but he feels a pang of regret and annoyance when he looks at himself first thing in the morning.

Skull

His hair and eyes are flame dyed and nobody except him knows! Skull was born with bright, almost platinum blond hair and light blue eyes. When he went flame active, ways before he got any kind of fame, his purple got everywhere actually. Skull likes the colour tho, so he never felt the need to do anything about it lmao. There is one story cooking in my brain in which Skull gradually desaturated because of the curse and it pisses him off...

Also tattoos and piercings. Everywhere.

Xanxus

Pre freeze, he was often called handsome. Post freeze, he does not get nearly that many compliments. He thinks it's cause he's ugly now, but it's really just because he is more aggressive and visibly hate-filled. Eventually, his guardians start paying him random compliments, just because. It makes Xanxus feel a little better I like to think.

Oh also! Pre freeze he had a lot of moles all over his body. The scars cover some of them now, but not all, especially on his back.

(XS headcanon: Squalo likes finding/seeing stuff in his scars and moles like Xanxus's back is some messed up Version of the night sky. Xanxus will never admit that it makes him feel so pretty.)

Mukuro

Mukuro actually likes his blue eye better. That colour is so rich and beautiful... Sometimes he likes to just Illusion his red eye back to that blue, because it makes him feel pretty. Also he has all the gender. Whether or not he has boobs is a day-to-day decision, really.

👻 A headcanon about what scares them

For this one I googled phobia names UwU

Hibari

He has Agoraphobia (fear of enclosed, crowded spaces) and this fear expresses itself with a desire to brawl. He also has mild entomophobia (insects), which I headcanon because it'd be hilarious if Hibari saw a bug and jumped cause that startled him.

Hibari also has Mazeophobia (fear of getting lost) but he deals with that by just always having some kind of a map of the area on him. Needing an up to date map on his person, is why it sometimes takes him a few days to get to a battle (Simon Arc). Otherwise, he's fearless/has no good sense of self preservation.

Skull

Skull suffers from Athazagoraphobia (fear of being ignored, forgotten or forgetting someone) which heavily contributes to how annoying people perceive him to be. It also makes his memory issues worse to deal with for him. Skull has gotten into the habit of dedicating tattoos or piercings he gets to people he knows and likes. He never tells the person, but he likes having a reminder constantly on himself.

Skull also likes to say he has a rational fear of weapons and violence.

Xanxus

Xanxus has to deal with Cryophobia (fear of cold). This fear expresses itself through rage, naturally. If you see him shivering and looking irritated... Run.

Xanxus also has a mild case of Autophobia (fear of being alone/abandoned). This stems from his childhood, because when his mother handed him over to Timoteo, he did feel abandoned by her. This fear would express itself through a wave of sadness though. If his guardians abandoned him, Xanxus would be so hurt. May react angrily, but there is so much grief behind that anger.

Also Xanxus has Cleithrophobia (fear of being trapped). Because again, he was trapped in a popsicle for a while. If ever he was affected by temporary paralysis during battle, he would not be okay afterwards.

Mukuro

Mukuro deals with Atelophobia (fear of being imperfect) because I imagine as he was experimented on, he was punished for imperfections. It's not a paralysing fear of his, but it is something that's in the back of his mind as he schemes in his day-to-day life. He prefers making plans that cannot fail.

He also has Agoraphobia (fear of enclosed spaces). Yes, just like Kyoya, which I find amusing. For different reasons, but still. In Mukuro's case because he was in a glass tube for months at least, in Hibari's case because enclosed spaces are easily crowded and he doesn't like that. Mukuro's fear is more intense than Kyoya's. He will destroy anything and anyone that tries to keep him confined anywhere.

Also Mukuro has Pistanthrophobia (fear of trusting others) because why else would he act like he doesn't love his gang. He is terrified that they would use his trust against him, so he tries not to develop trust. But that's so difficult when people are so genuine and consistent....

👽 A headcanon about a weird quirk of theirs

Hibari

If you can't find him anywhere and it's late evening, check in the alleyway next to Takesushi's. He is probably holding open the dumpster there for stray cats. Yes, that routinely gets him whacked with Tsuyoshi's broom. He will do it anyway.

Skull

Skull is pretty gullible, which makes him susceptible to common superstitions! If you tell him doing something weird wards off bad luck or brings good luck, he will do that thing before his next stunt! One time Skull threw salt over his shoulder before a mission and that hit Reborn in the face. Which caused outrage. Every Arco called Reborn salty for the rest of that week lmao

Xanxus

Xanxus sleeps with three blankets and five pillows because he likes being cozy. And warm. He likes being warm above all else. The Varia routinely give him more blankets, just in case. One time all of Xanxus's blankets were destroyed by an attack and all of the Varia slept without blankets that night cause Xanxus stole theirs as revenge.

Mukuro

The weirdest quirk Mukuro has is probably that he has one completely ordinary hobby. So.... Mukuro's favourite past time is bowling. Because when he was way wayyyy little that was a family member's favourite thing to watch on TV. Mukuro doesn't actually remember why he likes bowling so much.

[lost-technology]

Survivor’s Guilt Ch. 2

Trigun fanfiction Trigun Stampede universe (with some Trigun Maximum elements) Rated T / PG-13 for graphic descriptions, canon-typical violence Gen, unless pairings come into it later Multichaptered, unknown stopping point, chapter 1. Main characters: Vash, Luida, Brad, Rem, Nai / Millions Knives and the horrible lingering memory of Tesla. Summary: The stars fell from the sky upon a lonely desert planet. The world was made of blood, sand and broken glass - and later on, gunsmoke. What could have been a paradise had become a violent world, one of hard-bitten, traumatized survivors…Including… the most unexpected. Rem Saverem survives the apocalypse.   Also found here - Chapter 2 on AO3    Chapter 1   Chapter 2 - Useful Things

Survivor’s Guilt Chapter 2:  Useful Things There was a breakthrough with Vash – he had begun eating again.  He still was not eating enough, but he had started picking at his food.  With everything that was going on, he did not “feel” like eating, but, at the very least, he was no longer intent on starving himself to death.  Rem was in Ship 3’s hospital and she needed him.   If they would let him see her… “Luida?” he asked as she was standing outside of his cell door.   “She’s still hanging in there,” Luida responded with a soft voice.  “The medical staff say that she’s quite the fighter.  She hasn’t been awake very much, but when she has been, she’s been asking after you.”   “I need to see her!” Vash insisted.  “Why won’t you let me see her?!”   “I’m sorry, Vash,” Luida said, “The doctors have deemed your presence ‘potentially upsetting’ after the incident. “Rem is in a delicate state.”   “You don’t understand!” Vash whined, “You’re probably upsetting her more by keeping us apart!”   “I’ve been trying, Vash,” Luida sighed. “But it’s not up to me. Most people on the ship are still worried about…what you are.” Vash sat down on his cot, sullen.  “I haven’t broken any of the rules here, at least I don’t think I have.”   There was silence between them for several moments – the boy inside the cell and the woman outside of the door.   “Vash, I think you should know this...”   Vash’s blood ran cold at the specific tone of her voice.  It was one of those “bad news” tones.  He allowed her to continue. “Rem is in bad shape.  It is a miracle that she’s survived all this time – that she escaped the crash alive at all, let alone all that time spent under ship-rubble.  We think she was cushioned in an air-pocket in the Command Room upon atmosphere-entry.  From what she could tell us, she lived off a muddy puddle from a broken hydroplant pipe and crawled into the shade.  Her right leg was mangled – broken in several places.  There was no choice but to amputate.  Her right eye was damaged, too.  She’ll never regain sight in it. There was damage to several internal organs. She is doing very well for the condition we found her in, but… Vash… she might not make it.”   “I have to see her!”   “I’m doing all I can, Vash.  We will keep you updated.”  

_______________________ Vash did not know what time it was and was fuzzy on the day when the trill shot through his head.  The lights were dim, like nighttime or early morning and he was in a fitful sleep.  He heard the screaming, but it was not a human scream.  It was in his mind, piercing his brain.  A sense of terror curled around his bones.   It was his sister – not the one that lived large in his darkest memories, lost in the name of “science” and cut apart – but one living and nearby.  He could feel the presence of every Plant on Ship 3, just as he had on Ship 5.  It wasn’t like being in the presence of Nai, or of Rem, or of Luida or Brad.  It was a gentler, less direct presence, a low hum, a sense of warmth.  It was something quiet, perhaps akin – regarding an equivalent feeling for a human – to having a quiet pet in the room, a sweet but silent cat resting on one’s bed when one is reading or having some flora in a pot nearby – the sense of being around something you cannot converse directly with, but the sense of having a living being near, all the same.   Only, right now, Vash felt the distinct voice of one sister, and she was anything but a silent presence.   Sirens were sounding in the ship and the lights went red.  Vash could hear the clatter of boots on metal in the corridors outside, people running down the hallways, alerted to danger.  Immediately, he was up and banging on the door, desperate to alert his guards.   “HELP!” he cried.  “It’s dying! The Plant is dying!  Can’t you hear it?  Help! Let me out!” Maybe if he could get the attention of people – someone, anyone – they would be able to help the Plant.  As it was, the Plant warbled and spoke into his mind, calling out for fellow sisters and calling out for him.  Something had gone wrong in her systems.  The temperature-regulation was off.  She’d been running against the hot air of this planet for weeks and the strain had caused hairline cracks in her energy-gate. She was calling for him.  If Plants spoke like humans, Vash might tell you that she was calling him “Little One,” but they did not speak like humans, so her terrified trill was more like singing.  The agony-song was like the scream of a Banshee.   A small sense of relief flooded him when he saw Luida’s face beyond his cell.  He continued to throw himself against the door.  “Please! I need to see the Plant!  It’s dying! Just let me see it!”   Brad and a guard were shaking their heads. Luida pressed the lock on his cell, releasing it.  “If Rem trusts him, so do I!” she said.  She bent down to him and unlatched his handcuffs.  He took off in a dead run toward the main Plant Room.   The scene was red as the light of the sovereign Plant bathed the room.  It had uncurled, revealing a delicate, vaguely human form with long, thin appendages and wings like flower petals.  If one was sharp-eyed, one might spy feathers along the tendrils.  The strange angel glowed with markings all over its body resembling circuitry or something altogether more ancient – lines drawn into cliff-faces or poured with sand for some long-forgotten ancient ritual.   Vash, seemingly transfixed by the sight, stepped close to the bulb that the Plant was housed in.  He laid his forehead upon the glass as well as the palms of his hands.  The main crew of Ship 3 looked on.  Vash would not have been able to tell them what he was doing because even he did not know. The Plant responded in kind to him, resting its palms on the interior of the glass to match his.   Vash spoke aloud, soft words, assuring it / her that he was there.  This was what the humans heard.  The rest of the communication was silent, instant – mind to mind, brain to brain. It came in something like a song in a language all their own.  It came in direct emotions and sensations.  Vash felt physical pain rush into him, shooting through his bones, but he ignored it, captured it and stuffed it down.  He willed it to subside, taking it through himself and dissipating it through his skin into the atmosphere.  He felt fear and frustration with the heat.  The people here were running the temperature-regulation system too hard.  There was a fundamental incompatibility with aspects of the planet, itself – temperature ranges between the heat of the day and the chill of the night, the general dryness and native resonances. The Plants were close to the edge of a breaking-point and this one had reached it.   Toomuchtoomuchtoomuch was communicated, Solar radiation against… need slow rest hurt.  WanttobeagoodPlant…want to be good, fearfearfear… I will tell them was communicated back. I know their temperature tolerance parameters.  We can make it work.  You are good. You’re the best.  Please don’t be afraid.  I am here.  There is nothing to be afraid of.  Your brother is here. The Plant’s pain went from a sharp agony into a dull ache and then vanished altogether. Vash felt his bones ease and felt her gain peace of mind.  Her systems stabilized and her light became a healthy blue.  After several minutes, she curled back in on herself, shielding herself with her petal-wings.   Vash sensed that everyone was staring at him. When he looked, he saw people’s gazes going back and forth between him and the Plant-container.   They had just witnessed a miracle. ___________________________________ Later, in his cell, he had eaten the entirety of his lunch.  He felt incredibly hungry all of a sudden.  Vash did not know if this was because of the energy he’d expended communicating with the Plant or if having had the communication and being able to help her had eased his heart enough to bring his appetite back – for at least a little while.   Luida and Brad had surprises for him, it turned out.  The shackles came off.  The holding-cell was abandoned.  Vash was shown to a proper room – one of his own!  Brad begrudgingly admitted that he’d help convince the rest of the crew aboard the ship that he did not need to be in holding any longer, that he was now, more or less, a “trustworthy subject” and should be treated as any other resident of Ship 3.  (A guard was to be posted outside his door for some time yet, because some members of the ship were still a bit jumpy).  He was even given a job – that of a Plant-counselor.   There was something that only he could do: “Speak” with the Plants directly and communicate their needs.   Luida said that she’d never seen a record of a Healing Plant before – at least not one that was so direct.  Medical Plants did provide life-support for humans, in terms of running machines, but there was no record in all of History of a Plant that could heal other Plants.   And along came Vash.   Shortly after the “miracle,” Vash received another invigorating shot of good news:  He was now allowed to visit Rem.  She was stable enough to be given Visiting Hours. Luida tried to pass the previous lack thereof not being over what Vash was, but that she had been denied any long visits from anyone but the doctors due to her condition, but he suspected that was a lie to try to make him feel better.  He remembered that “potentially upsetting” remark.   Apparently, Rem Saverem had been re-categorized from “critical condition” to “survivor” and her recovery at such a quick pace was nothing short of amazing.  It had only been a matter of weeks going from death’s door to talking everybody’s ears off with questions about the collective situation of the planet’s survivors and of the ship. She wanted to do work and no one would let her.   “Now, Vash,” Luida said, holding him back from running directly to the room, “She’s going to live, but she’s still not well. She still looks… pretty shocking and she needs a lot of quiet.  She’s probably going to make some pained sounds now and again, and that’s normal.  She is getting better, but it’s going to take a while.”   ______________________________________ Vash stood with Luida in the doorframe of the hospital room as they watched a pair of staff ease Rem back into her bed – the back of which was angled up for a semi-sitting position – after an apparent muscle-stretch and exercise-session.  A pair of crutches were left at the bed’s foot.  As she was shuffled back into a position that was decently comfortable and had her monitors and IVs hooked up, she turned to her visitors.  She looked to Vash and his free hands and gave Luida a knowing smile before turning a single-eyed glare to the last member of the medical staff to exit the room’s other door.   “I am glad to see that all of you have finally decided to listen to reason,” she said bluntly.   She turned and gave out an effortless “Hey, Vash,” with a soft smile.   Vash stood, shocked for a moment, tears at the edges of his eyes before he thundered to the bed with his arms out and wrapped them around her midsection.  She returned the embrace, careful with her various tubes and wires.   “Hey! Hey!” she said to him, “No need to cry. I’m here.  Are they treating you better?”   Luida was quick with a handkerchief to help Vash dry his face when he finally came up for air.  The last thing that Rem needed was globs of snot on the front of her hospital gown.  Vash had managed to just hold it all in.  His loud honk into the handkerchief was none too polite, though.   “Yeah, yeah,” he said, nodding slightly and looking down.  “Luida and Brad just gave me my own room.  They still wanna watch me…”   Luida leaned on a chair. “Remember when the lights flickered and everything went red the other day?”   “Plant-failure, yes,” Rem answered.  “I was awake enough to go through my files,” She motioned to some sealed pads on the tray next to her bed, “but you did not require them as the Plant stabilized.”   Luida grinned and slapped her hands down on Vash’s shoulders.  “We have this one to thank!  I don’t know how, but he somehow knew exactly what to do when we were all at a loss!  He… somehow… he ‘talked’ to the Plant and healed it!  He has a gift!”   “See?” Rem said cheekily, nodding to Vash. “I told you that you and Nai were like angels.  And look!  You wanted some powers; it looks like you’ve found them?  How does it feel?” “Not…like anything,” Vash said forlornly, “Not really.”  He swung his feet from where he sat on the bedside chair he’d taken to sitting on.  “It just needed help and I was almost too late.” “Being that it was the main life-support Plant… you saved us all,” Luida assured him.  “You should be proud.” She shot a look at Rem.  “It looks like being a hero runs in the family.”   Rem looked down and balled up her top sheet in her half-bandaged hands.  “Let’s… talk about something else,” she said.  “Vash… They…they told me that you were… the only one like yourself that they brought in.”  Her face paled.  “Do you know what happened to Nai?  You can tell me,” she whispered, “…even if it’s bad…”   She closed her one good eye and braced herself. “I don’t know,” Vash said solemnly.  Don’tellhereverythingnotnownotever “We got separated… after our shuttle crashed. I wandered around and passed out… I woke up here.”   “Oh, sweetie…” Rem gasped.  “We’ll find him.  Don’t you worry.  Nai is resilient.” Vash silently nodded.   Vash suddenly started choke-crying.  “I… I’m so, so sorry!” he struggled out.  “You’re hurt!  You’re hurt, Rem, you’re hurt!”   “Don’t worry about me,” she assured, her voice tender.  She thereafter brightened up.  “Check out the eyepatch they gave me.  And they’re going to fit me for a prosthetic leg.  They have an expert aboard this ship, it was Brad, I think?  He already showed me the model he’s working on.  I’m like a pirate! Like those old stories you always liked. Eyepatch, peg-leg…all I need is a parrot!  Argh, matey!” Vash remained stone-faced, looking down. Rem reached over and parted some stray hair away from his eye.  “The joke didn’t land?  Suppose I need to work on my routine, huh?” “Maybe…”   “We’ve been through a lot.  You must have been so scared, Vash, all this time.  Do you realize how brave you are?”  A small tear edged at the bottom of her eye.  “My perfect, brave boy.  Whatever wounds we’ve got, whatever has happened, what matters is that we’re alive.  We still have our blank tickets.”   Vash looked up with a small smile.   “That’s my brave boy.”  

[dejunectar]

Stigma | Haechan [PT.2]

[Read Part 1 Here]

«« genre »» hurt/comfort, fluff, fantasy

«« pairings »» hyuck x reader

«« warnings »» ptsd, miscarr*age,

«« summary »» part 2 to -> RUN | Haechan

«« song/inspiration »» stigma by bts (taehyung)

——————————————————————

Your eyes opened slowly, revealing them to be slightly clouded.

Where am I? What happened? How long have I been asleep?

Countless questions and confusing feelings arose in your brain and swirled around in your head, awaiting answers. You began to look around yourself, finding vines loosely wrapped around your limbs and flowers surrounding you, some even sprouting directly from your body. Birds, deer, and other wildlife went about their day, unnerved by you being in their habitat.

With this, you sat up and immediately felt the consequences of these actions. "Oooh, for fuck sake," you groan, feeling a throbbing pain make its way across your entire body. You could physically feel every vein in your body pushing blood cells through and your heart pumping the blood.

You instantly stretched your body, feeling like you'd slept on rocks. Well, figuratively and literally.

It wasn't until you finally stood up that it all hit you.

Haechan. The baby. The night. The accident.

Tears began to sting your eyes and your hands instinctively ran themselves across your stomach in agony. A heart wrenching and blood piercing scream erupted from your body as you fell back to your knees and cried out to the Heavens above.

As you cried out to the nature around you and shook violently, flowers and vines began to sprout around you. You could feel the ground beneath you shake as walls of sequoia and redwood grew around you.

With no recollection of how much time has passed you since the accident, and no signs of what to do now that you're awake, you could only cry harder.

Had Hyuck left you in the forest to die? Does he know you're alive? Did he know about the baby? How long have you been dead? How did you survive? Why are you alive? Where is Hyuck? Is he alive? Does he know you're still here?

"Y/N?"

There's a slight knocking against the wooden walls surrounding you. Your heart thumps rapidly against your chest, and you can feel it nearly jump out of your throat as you scramble to your feet.

"Haechan?" you croaked from the other side, placing a hand against the slab of sequoia that separated you.

There were several beats of silence. Had it all been in your head? Did you hear things? Your feet carried you backward with disappointment.

On the outside of the cabin, Hyuck stood with fear, amazement, and wonder. He couldn't believe his ears. He places a hand against the tree and pushes a spell out of him, something he hadn't done in years.

Slowly, the tree bristled down, leaving a shriveled wall of wood that he quickly tore through. As he rips through it, you spin around to face him.

Neither of you could believe your eyes.

You both were alive.

And here.

"Haech—"

His lips collide against yours in a desperate sigh as he wraps his arms around you. You instantly reach your arms around his frame and feel tears escape your eyes. His warm body melts against yours quickly before your lips break away for breath.

"You're alive?" you both ask the other simultaneously.

After a pause, he responds, "Every day before the sun sets, I come back to try to bring you back. I tried putting all of my magic into you that night, but nothing was happening—"

"You did what?!" you nearly scream, making him laugh slightly at your reaction.

"It's okay, it's okay! You're alive! You're awake and..."

You couldn't help but cry still. Tears continue to push their way out of your eyes and roll down your face. You slowly bury your face into his chest, sobbing with remorse and sadness.

"Baby?"

You felt an overwhelming wave of regret wash over you.

"I'm so sorry, Hyuck, but I just— I was preg— we were gonna have-" you choked out the words that ripped your heart in half and through your throat, "I lost our baby!"

Watching you cry was never easy on him, and this moment wasn't an exception. He kissed your head several times before whispering a small, "I know, my love, I know. I'm sorry."

You could only sob in his arms, releasing every bit of loss. Losing what you never had a chance to have torn you apart. With every tear that fell, the essence of random colors swirled around you and Haechan. It didn't occur to you until his arms slowly tightened their grip on you. You looked up and saw his eyes glowing pure white.

"Hyuck?" you murmured, trying to meet his gaze. "Baby, what-"

Pain ripped through your body, causing a shriek to fall from your lips. The colors began flying from your body to his as you fell to the floor. You could feel the power being sucked from your soul and the strength being balanced.

Within mere seconds, your body was lifted in the air, and wisps of bright colors flew past your face as Haechan stood with his head tilted back. The magic and power were returning to his body, and it was happening faster than either of you could comprehend.

Your body finally dropped to the floor, and his eyes returned to their natural state. Worry immediately took over his features as he bent down to check on you.

"Y/N? Baby? Please, don't leave me again!" he cried, holding you close to him again.

You slowly opened your eyes and gripped his arm. "I'm not going anywhere," you whispered with a smile. Joy filled his heart, and he laughed with relief as he pressed kisses all over your face.

"I don't ever wanna lose you," he confessed, stroking your cheek gently with his thumb.

The sound of a little girl's laugh distracted you both.

Your head turned towards the sound; sure enough, a little girl stood in the entryway Hyuck came through. In your heart, you knew. There was no way to deny it.

"Hi, mommy!"

[purple-worm]

Thanks for the tag @lelephantsnail 💕

Favorite Color: peacock blue/midnight blue

Currently Reading: The Black Swan by Naseem Taleb. This is so unlike anything I’ve read. loving it so far. Padmarag by Rokeya Sakhawat Hossain. I hope I finish them.

Last Song: Dil Se Re by Rahman, Anupama and Anuradha. and Fanaa (Rahman, Tanvi, Sunitha). His concert reawakened my love for this song (actually all of his music, I had forgotten how much I loved it).

Last Series: I finished a Little Women rewatch (in love) and finally started Spy x Family. I love it! it's already starting to deliver the found family, I'm gonna be obsessed. Also watching Gaus electronics on the side. It’s pure chaos and zero brain cells in sight. I didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as I did.

Last Movie: Nope. I need to rewatch this masterpiece.

Currently working on: just my portfolio. messing this one up big time if I dont stop procrastinating

share 10 different favourite characters from ten different pieces of media in no particular order, then tag 10 people: I'm doing 11 because I can't pick one from little women. I'm also quoting them (not necessarily their best lines, just the ones that come to my mind first) bc why not💕

1. Oh In-Joo (Little Women):

"Where do souls live? I always wanted a home where my soul could live." I can’t stop thinking about her characterization and development. They managed to keep Meg’s tenderness from the novel but added so much more. and they fit all of that with a surreal plot and significant commentary on capitalism and poverty. I love that they weaved in so much (and did it well).

2. Oh In-Kyung (Little Women):

"They're so fresh. They're fresh to the point that it's almost sexy". Fresh produce is…weirdly sexy. She gets it. Therefore, she is my favourite. Her layers make her feel so real, a part of the reason why I’m so obsessed w this show. Modern adaptations of classics are hard to get right, and I feel like this one treads those lines well. it is fresh (a full genre shift) but still manages to keep the essence.

3. Black (Not Me):

"Power is corrupting. Ideas are what have the power to transform society" My plot device of a man🥹🥹 Certainly deserved better. I could watch him wreck shit for days.

4. Dazai (Bungo Stray Dogs):

"No one can fully grasp another person's deepest emotions. It's impossible. Only you can understand what you're feeling. But generally speaking, I can tell you this. Most people tend to cry when their father dies." Can’t help but hate him. Can’t help but project onto him. He has fucked up a lot. and he will continue to do so. It is entertaining to watch, but sometimes he deserves a slap across the face (or several idk). Other times, a hug.

5. Wang (180 Degrees Longitude Passes Through Us):

"I will break free. Time is on my side, so I've decided to leave. But leaving doesn't mean I lost." I’m so proud of him. In a story where people struggled to change, he proved that it was still possible. His sheer will to gain something out of the heartbreaking experience he had, and to keep going despite being so lonely, so unheard. But also, the maturity to know which fights to pick. There’s so much to learn from him.

6. Togawa (Old Fashion Cupcake):

"I'm seducing you. I've been trying to seduce you, with everything I have. Although you never had a clue. I know...being seduced by someone of the same sex, isn't considered common sense for most people. Especially from a subordinate. But unfortunately, it's common sense to me. So I've been seducing you. I've been meaning to tell you this whole time, but I was afraid. I was scared of saying something that wasn't normal to you. But doing this...and telling you in such a horrible way... I'm so sorry. I like you. I like you so much, I could die." I couldn't have justified picking anything else.

7. Ink (Bad Buddy):

"It's so gainful" The icon that she is. gmm, get your ass up and give us a milklove GL 2023.

8. Anya (Spy x Family):

"Father is a tsundere." I've only had her for two episodes but if anything happened to her I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

9. Fleabag (Fleabag):

"I don’t know what to do with it. With all the love I have for her. I don't know where to put it now." I will always treasure fleabag.

10. Baek Hee-Sung (Flower of Evil):

"We’ve only known each other for 14 years. So of course, you’d be clueless of my intentions." Thinking about him leaves an ache in my chest. Mr. I've-never-felt-an-emotion really broke down on the streets after reuniting with his 4 yo daughter and then got called out by her for it. "Daddy, don't cry like before if you miss me, okay? You're a grown-up". So,, misunderstood.

11. Han Ju-Won (Beyond Evil):

"I'll be a monster and dive into hell. That is my way of atoning" He's on this list bc I miss his ass and this show.

Special mention to Choi Doil and Great Aunt (Little Women) bc they haven't left my mind. and Nozue (babe, togawa was only here bc of that iconic confession, i love you just as much) and Miw from 3 will be free💕 This was so much fun, thanks for tagging me @lelephantsnail <33 Also, I’m so happy to see that you’ve watched 180 degrees, and wanted to shred it to bits with analysis because that show absolutely deserves it. so much to dig into and have your heart wrecked. Feel free to yell at me about it any time.

Have a great day!💕

[glenrocklibraryteens]

BOOK REVIEW: THE FAULT IN OUR STARS

Title: The Fault in Our Stars

Author: John Green

Pages: 313

Genre: Novel, Young Adult, Romance

The Fault in Our Stars, written by John Green, describes the love story between two teenagers: Hazel, the thoughtful girl fighting cancer, and Augustus, the selfless boy with the same problem. By meeting at a Cancer Kid Support Group meeting, these two go through their treacherous cancer battles together, finding hope in each other.

Review:

Cancer comes in countless forms with different levels of severity. With more than 200 types of cancers and four different stages, everyone with this horrific disease is fighting their own battles. In the book The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, there are two main characters, both fighting their own battles. Hazel Grace Lancaster is a 16-year-old girl fighting a terminal thyroid cancer that spread to her lungs. She is encouraged by her parents to attend Cancer Kid Support Group meetings to meet potential friends with the same problem. With no urgency to attend, she does so anyway. At one meeting, she meets a boy that finds much interest in her. His name is Augustus Waters. He is an osteosarcoma (bone cancer) survivor. Augustus did not come by himself, however. He is brought along with his friend, Isaac, who he has known since childhood. Isaac suffered from retinoblastoma which is an eye cancer, so he is used to attending the meetings. When Augustus begins to flirt with Hazel, she doesn’t know how to feel or what to do because she never experienced this before. I personally love the way the contrasting traits of both characters were written because they wouldn’t have anything to do with each other if it wasn’t for meeting at the cancer meetings,yet their personalities melt together. Throughout the novel, Hazel learns to love and be loved in a way she never thought possible, all because of Augustus. Her biggest fear was dying and needing to leave Augustus and her family. She never fully allowed herself to fall in love with him in fear of hurting him if she died. Though, she ended up taking down her wall and fell deeply in love with him. They bonded over their love for books, traveled, and spent as much time together as possible. Their intimacy and romance grew and grew unstoppably. Later in the novel, Hazel learns that the drugs she took to treat her cancer killed all her cancer cells, and she was rid of her thyroid cancer. Detrimentally, Augustus also learns that his cancer returned, spread to his brain and was quickly killing him. He ended up passing away at the end of the book, completely breaking Hazel, Isaac, and Augustus’s entire family. Even though she lost the love of her life, Hazel gained the fortunate gift of knowing what true love was like.

I would rate this book a 5/5 stars. John Green wrote this book in such a way that I felt as though the character’s feelings were my own. I loved the way the characters unexpectedly met, and how their connection throughout the book grew from acquaintances, to friends, to romantic partners. I would recommend this book to any young adults that want to read a book that will have a significant impact on them and their view of life. This book taught me to make life the best I can because you never know when it could end.

Playlist Recommendation:

"See You Again" - Wiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth.

I chose this song because it is about the loss of Paul Walker. Although this book is not about Paul Walker, he made such a significant impact on people’s lives through his acting in movies, similar to the impact Augustus had on Hazel. It is saying how Paul Walker will be seen again in Heaven, just like how Hazel will see Augustus again, eventually, in Heaven.

“Ghost” - Justin Bieber

This song is about how life is short and nothing is guaranteed. This is similar to how Augustus got rid of his cancer and thought he would live the rest of his life cancer-free. Sadly, his cancer unexpectedly came back and he passed, just like how in life nothing is definite and horrible things can happen very suddenly.

 “Terrified” - Katharine McPhee

This song talks about unexpected love in the most romantic way. This correlates to the book because of how Augustus and Hazel fell in love completely unexpectedly.

"All of the Stars" - Ed Sheeran

This song beautifully describes the ups and downs of both love and longing, which both characters go through throughout the novel.

"Fix You" - Coldplay

This song talks about trying to heal and support the pain someone is going through. In the novel, this reflects Augustus and Hazel’s relationship through the pain of their cancer situations.

"Stay" - Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko

This song is about the fear of losing someone you deeply love. This was Hazel’s exact fear throughout the novel.

"Say You Won't Let Go" - James Arthur

This song is talking about how even in difficult times, not to let go of the love people share. I chose this song because even though Hazel and Augustus are going through their own problems with their cancers, they don’t want to let go of the love they have for each other, no matter what the outcome is.

 "Let Her Go" - Passenger

This song resonates with the theme of the novel because it talks about finally letting someone go after losing them and this is something that Hazel is struggling to accept.

"Slow It Down" - The Lumineers

This song talks about the bittersweetness of love, which wonderfully reflects the story’s bittersweet love.

"Photograph" - Ed Sheeran

This song talks about wanting to cherish memories with others that people want to remember forever, similarly to how Hazel and Augustus wanted to remember every moment with each other forever.

[affectiondeficitdisorder]

SECONDS AND INCHES: Dodging the love addiction bullet.... maybe

Okay, this is going to be very reductive. Below is a column I just published on my Substack, which is where you go now when you click on www.AffectionDeficitDisorder.com. It is all about the fact that people still find the blog on Tumbler, which surprises me, and still respond to it, which delights me. I did, however, put fresh art on it, so you do get something new if you've read all 12 1/2 years of this Tumbler. (12 1/2 years? Jesus...) It is, however, a picture I took backstage at the US Festival in 1983. So... nostalgia all around, today.

Here ya' go:

I just got a ping from my old Tumbler page, which for some reason is still active. Zoomer nostalgia, maybe? Someone liked a blog post that I wrote in September of 2011. It has aged remarkably well, considering... right down to the unreliability of AT&T. Here ya go. Enjoy all over again.

(The illustration is a picture I took of Steve Nicks at the US Festival in 1983, because I just found a pile of forgotten stuff from my rock journalist days and also because she’s kind of a patron saint of love addicts.)

The original post:

This newswire story landed in my inbox a few times, as you can imagine:

AMSTERDAM (AP) — Dutch prosecutors are charging a 42-year-old woman with stalking after she allegedly called her ex-boyfriend 65,000 times in the past year.

The 62-year-old victim from The Hague filed a police complaint in August due to the persistent phone calls. Police arrested the suspected stalker Monday, seizing several cell phones and computers from her home in Rotterdam.

Hague prosecution spokeswoman Nicolette Stoel said Thursday the woman argued to judges at a preliminary hearing she had a relationship with the man and the number of calls she placed to him wasn't excessive. The man denied they had a relationship.

The court ordered her not to contact him again.

It’s the kind of story that makes a love addict wipe her brow and exclaim, “See!  I don’t have a problem.  She has a problem.” It’s analogous to the feeling of relief a closet drinker has when a Skid Row wino cleans his windshield with a dirty rag. “See!” he smiles through the streaky window, “I don’t have a problem.  He has a problem.”

Old joke:

Him: “Would you have sex with a stranger for a million dollars?”

Her: “A million dollars? Sure I would.”

Him: “How about having sex with me for fifty dollars?”

Her: “Are you nuts? What do you think I am?”

Him: “We already established that. Now we’re negotiating price.”

The point is… it’s all matter of degree. Fifty bucks is a whore; a million is a Demi Moore movie. Sixty-five thousand phone calls is a stalker; 65 is an episode of Gossip Girl. Where do you draw the line? Can you honestly say that you never called someone a second (or third) time when they didn’t return your call the first time? After all, they might have accidentally deleted your message. Or the cell phone might have cut out -- it’s AT&T; it happens. Or maybe they lost your digits. Or lost their phone. Or they did call you back, but you didn't get it because... um, it's AT&T. It’s amazing the excuses the addict brain will come up with and the urgency to which it attaches making that call.

I feel that Dutch woman, unable to go ten minutes without at least hearing the sound of his voice on his voicemail. I relate to that urgency; it's like drowning and suffocating at the same time. Withdrawal in love addiction is as physical and palpable as a nicotine fit, and she had a three-pack-a-day crush.

You might only smoke half a pack a day — that doesn’t mean you’re not a nicotine addict. Just because you don’t make 65,000 phone calls but only peek at his Facebook page sometimes… or occasionally drive past her house… or just happen to join the same gym… don’t think that none of this applies to you.

[whataperfectwasteoftime]

I have devoured all your Marcus Pike stories and I absolutely adored them

Your masterlist is an escapism in its finest form 👌🏻 and Im so in love with Marcus Pike so I was wondering if you had any recs or favourite Marcus Pike fics yourself 😊

ALL OF THEM. 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 No, seriously. My fave thing to do is browse through The Pedro Library, compiled by the amazing @littlemisspascal. Go to the Marcus page and just lose a full day to reading. She does an incredible job curating this huge list and I found several of the fics mentioned below by just spending some time looking through the library.

Hahahahaa okay but here, let me compile my absolute favorites because there are some top notch Marcus fics out there.

Show me Your True Colors by @221bshrlocked. Top notch dom!Marcus action. Maggie's dirty talk always makes me blush, and this is no exception.

Agent Pike Series by @absurdthirst. Not gonna lie, this one broke me. The last part, where they "play" in the holding cells? Head empty, brain scrambled egg.

know better and feel better by @ezrasbirdie. CW: Daddy kink. This part lives RENT FREE in my brain: "What did you call him? And can you call him that again? And if you call him that again, can he fuck you until you cry for him? Can he do it again and again; can he make you his baby?" I THINK OF THIS WAY TOO MUCH.

desires & complications ALSO by @ezrasbirdie (babe I'm just lurking on your masterlist to create this list). If you like a little Dave York with your Marcus, this is the fic for you. Marcus invites your ex-boyfriend, Dave, over to er... show him how to be a little rougher with you in bed. And then he panics in bisexual. It's amazing. Dave is unexpectedly soft, and all three of them are so fucking cute.

Stressed series by @generallybrontidefeelings. I know I've gushed about this one SEVERAL times already, but it just DESERVES that much attention. Featuring Marcus as a visiting forensics professor, who you have a massive crush on (who wouldn't), and who helps you... get out of your head... when the semester is finally over. The soft!Dom is strong with this one. I've lost count of how many times I've read this.

unexpected by @mandocrasis. This is another one I've screamed about before but I'll do it again. This little exchange BROKE me: "Marcus’ smile colors his words. “Green what?” “Green, sir,” " UHHHHHHHHHHH.

Duality by @imtryingmybeskar. I mean, I've written and read some MARATHON smut, but this fic takes the absolute cake. These two DO NOT STOP FUCKING. It is impressive. Truly, some of the chapters are just wall-to-wall fucking; their Marcus is absolutely INSATIABLE. WOOF. Someone check on Reader. Does she need some water?

Dancing In the Dark by @blueeyesatnight. You and Marcus are staked out at a cabin, when the power goes out. When you start to panic, he tries to distract you by making you guess objects by touch and... it quickly gets out of hand.

Read You Like a Book by @the-ginger-hedge-witch. The ultimate Marcus Pike fic. The cornerstone. The one that made me terrified to write and post my own Marcus series because who could ever compare, you know? This fic is BEAUTIFUL. I can't even give a good, coherent review. Just go read it. Ren just GETS Marcus.

[midnightswithdearkatytspb]

VelvetCardiganBucky’s Recommendations 2021: Week 17 | April 18th – April 24th

Welcome to week 17 of my recommendations, if you would like to be featured on a future list, I follow the hashtag #VelvetCardiganBucky, message me, tag me in your future works, or reblog this post and link to your story, one-shot, Masterlist, writing challenge, etc.

Be aware some if not most stories and writers on this list are meant to be consumed by an audience of those 18+. My blog is also an 18+ blog.

✨Page breaks are made @firefly-graphics✨

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Week 18»

My Masterlist

My Fic Rec List of Mafia/Mob Bucky/Sebastian & Steve/Chris/Andy

Stuff I Posted This Week

Forever & Always: Stage 1 - Denial | Pt.1 » Bucky Barnes x Witch!Reader & Platonic Avengers x Reader — Y/N “Birdy” (nicknamed by her family), comes from a long line of witches and warlocks, living her days at the New Avengers Compound, alongside her friends. The Avengers are part of her family and her family is always welcome to the compound. Things for once seemed to be going well now that all was right from the attack on Thanos, everyone was alive, all was forgiven, friendships were thriving, that all ended when Birdy’s brother came calling with sad news, their mother had suddenly passed. These are the stages of grief Birdy faces, through the loss of her best friend, her protector, her mother.

His Favorite Day » Chris Evans x Reader — Chris’s favorite day of the year is your birthday.

Bucky Barnes

One-Shots:

*No Hidden Messages by @jobean12-blog » TFATWS!Bucky Barnes x Reader — Sam sends you a picture of Bucky and the endgame is priceless. | Honestly I love me some dominant Bucky, and if Sam had sent me that picture I would have dropped my phone and been like yep that my babe. I was thinking something more dirty but I’ll keep that thought to myself. 😉

Sucker Punch by @buckyblues » Boxer!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader — Bucky thought he knew what was his, until he accidentally let it roam free. | Someone come dump a cold bucket of water on me please?

Someone Like You by @startrekkingaroundasgard » Bucky Barnes x Hydra Agent!Reader — Taken from their SHIELD prison cell, the reader finds themself alone with The Winter Soldier negotiating for their life. | I really enjoyed reading this, the sass of the reader and how Bucky handles them. It’s just so perfect. Nicola says there is more to come for this pair and I’m so very much looking forward to it.

(Mini) Series:

Happy & So Happy by @mrwinterr » Rockstar!Bucky Barnes AU x Female Reader — You meet your favorite artist and get more than what you bargained for. | The smut in this is hot and by the end you are hoping the reader gets a happy ending not a tragic one.

*A Tender Heart 💜 Pt. 3 by @river-soul » Alpha!Bucky Barnes x Omega!Reader — You’ve been sweet on Bucky since you started working at the compound six months ago. Normally quiet and mild mannered, an unexpected fight with a coworker brings Bucky into your orbit. [A/B/O dynamics and explicit sexual content, 18+] | I feel the love that is radiating from this story and I really love it and the little bit of smut we get in chapter 3 is perfect!

the (after) party by @buckycuddlebuddy sequel loft music » fuckboy!bucky barnes x reader — “why don’t we have this thing they call goodbye sex? one last time.” he leaned forward, his lips brushing your ear. “i’ll make it good for you.” | In some strange way it was therapeutic to read this but at the same time I felt bad for the reader in the first part. Second part you are rooting for her but still feeling bad. I will say the smut in this is perfect.

Just Like Dad Pt. 3 🦾 Pt. 1 🦾 Pt. 2 by @ladyfallonavenger » Bucky Barnes x Reader — Bucky finally confronts Steve and moves forward with his life. | Very sweet ending and I loved it.

Sweet Dreams 🥞 Pt. 4 🥞 Pt. 5 🥞 Pt. 6 🥞 Pt. 7 by @jedimastermelkor » Bucky Barnes x Reader & ? x Avenger — Your daily routine involves waking up in the morning, going to work and sulking at night. But then you meet the man you’ve fantasized about for your entire life, Bucky Barnes. At the same time, you’ve caught someone else’s eye and his first step in winning you over is to cook you breakfast. But will you be welcoming of that person’s affections? | I like how she named the puppy Pancake and the first thing the mysterious avenger gave her was pancakes. I don’t want to give too much away but things are getting really good and you find out who the mysterious avenger is in chapter 6!

Steve Rogers

One-Shots:

*Caught by @giorno-plays-piano » Bluebeard!Steve Rogers x Reader — If he kept you warm, saying words of love to you every day while he looked you in the face, you’d marry him even if in a year he hanged you just like all his wives in the dungeon of his castle. | It’s dark but in a soft way and it’s so good. I highly recommend you go and read it.

Drabble Request by @angrythingstarlight » Mafia!Steve Rogers x Reader — We find out how Steve and Reader met before they ever got in a relationship. Takes place before Tell Me What You Want. | I loved this so much, I was laughing and pictured this whole piece so vividly in my brain. Also I just want a part where Bucky teases Steve about that night in front of reader making her giggle, maybe at the wedding?

(Mini) Series:

*Yuánfèn 📖 Pt. 4 by @writerwrites » Steve Rogers x Reader — When you’ve lost everything and try to run away from your problems, you keep finding a way back to the one person who completely understands. Can you make another person happy with a broken heart? | I always look forward to the updates on this story. It brings me so much comfort and the relationship that is blossoming between the reader and Steve is beautiful and organic. I highly recommend this.

Misc.

Headcanons:

*Just Like Her Old Man by @rebelwrites » Chibs Telford x Reader — I asked for: Parents get called into school for a meeting due to their daughter fighting, and trying not to be proud. Taking them out for a treat after the meeting. | It turned out so great. If you knew me at my Sons Anarchy Days, you know I loved Chibs the most. This feed my love for him even more. Thank you Heather!!

One-Shot:

*A Simple Solution by @sweetlyscared » Andy Barber x Fem!Reader, Ari Levinson x Fem!Reader, Andy Barber x Fem!Reader x Ari Levinson — You and Andy had a purely sexual relationship for several months, and you’d started to grow attached to him. Unfortunately, life has a way of complicating things, and a chance encounter at a bookstore had you stuck between a rock and a hard place. | We all owe a huge thank you to Sweet Lee, for writing and posting this. She wrote our dreams out so perfectly, and if you haven’t thought of this now you can. It’s just so hot and good, I for one am very thankful.

(Mini) Series:

*Give In 🐈‍⬛ Pt. 23 🐈‍⬛ Pt. 24 🐈‍⬛ Pt. 25 by @overr-written » soft!dark!Lee Bodecker x Reader — She didn’t think she was anything special. So when the intimidating Sheriff takes an interest in her, she can’t help but feel a little unsettled. Her boring life is about to get a little interesting. | I love this series so much and the lengths that the chapters are. I really am going to be sad when this is over. I don’t ever want it to end. 😭

Seal Team

One-Shots:

Imma Take Care Of Your Body by @rebelwrites » Clay Spenser x Reader — Reader is the only female member on Bravo who also has a no strings attached relationship with Rebel. | Let me just say this is hot, like really hot. Give me a glass of water and let me cool down. Thank you Heather for blessing us with this.

Tier One Babysitters by @bravo-four-seal-team » Seal Team; Ray Perry x Naima Perry — Ray and Naima ask the team to watch 6 month old Jameelah. | I promise you will be laughing.

You Are Perfect by @rebelwrites » Clay Spenser x Reader — Clay tells you everything he loves about you. | As a big boned girl this meant a lot and has me wishing for a Clay Spenser to call my own.

[harryspet]

caged bird | s.rogers, p.parker & b.barnes

[Warnings] dark!steve rogers x reader, dark!peter parker x reader, dark!bucky barnes x reader, polyamory, prison au, noncon/dubcon sex, this plot scenario is very unrealistic but oh well,  reader makes a deal so she can survive, hella manipulation, dominants/submissive, oral sex (male recieving), hella angst, shower sex, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

A/N: this is like a really f’d up situation so enjoy :):):) i also wrote this over the span of two weeks so i’m sorry if the pacing is weird and (also x2) this is nowhere near canon

In which you have to make a deal with three devils in order to survive in The Cage.

word count: 4.8k

main masterlist

Your eyelids were heavy though the bright light outside the bus was forcing you awake. Your limbs shackled to the seat, it reminded you that you had lost your freedom so quickly and that you’d probably never have a good night of sleep ever again, “How long?” Your mouth was dry, the heat from the wasteland you were driving through crept through the window. 

“Twenty minutes, princess,” Officer Rumlow looked you over for the millionth time like you were fresh meat ready for the slaughter. His perceptions weren’t far off and that’s what scared you the most. You weren’t cut out for a place like the Cage. 

A week ago you thought this place was fictional, a nightmare tale that was used to scare the new employees. It was still a nightmare but you were now living in it. You thought your heart might explode out of your chest as the facility finally came into view. Five stories of complete concrete surrounded by two, hundred-foot fences and surrounded by a barren wasteland. 

You were the only one on the bus. The Cage rarely received new inmates due to the nature of crimes that the prison was built for. Vigilantes and government traitors. Many used to consider them heroes but they were unregulated and dangerous. That's how they ended up here and, your boss, Alexander Pierce had sold you out to save himself.

“When … W-When am I going to get my phone call?” You asked as the bus entered the gates of the prison, finally stopping at the processing center. 

Rumlow chuckled, walking over to unchain your shackles from the floor of the bus, “Who are you going to call, princess? Mommy and Daddy?” He grabbed you roughly by your upper arm, pulling you out of your seat and dragging you down the steps of the bus. 

You refused to accept that you had been erased. Your parents probably thought you were only missing, not that you had been wrongly accused of betraying the government and had been thrown into the most dangerous prison in the country. 

“They can’t do this,” You winced as your arm stung, “No trial. No jury. T-This is illegal!”

Rumlow ignored you, and you had to pick up your pace in order to not fall down. Your eyes wandered around, the sun nearly blinding you and stinging your skin at the same time. You noticed in the distance a group of male inmates standing behind a wired fence, wearing the same navy jumpsuit as you, and even from far away, you could see cold and hungry glances. 

You thought you were lucky for a minute since you were a woman but then you remembered what kind of women probably lived here. As you were brought inside, past several guards, through metal detectors and pat-downs. 

When you got to the body cavity search, you expected to part way with Rumlow. Standing in a small, cold room, Rumlow stood in the doorway with his hands casually in the pockets of his pants, “Undress, inmate,” Your eyes widened and you quickly crossed your arms, “Slowly, if you don’t mind.”

“I-I do mind,” You said quickly, “I’m supposed to have a female officer-”

“You don’t get those kinds of privileges in the Cage. We don’t separate inmates by gender,” You shook your head as your eyebrows began to furrow. 

“That’s insane-”

“Undress, inmate,” He said more sternly this time, “Or would you like me to do it for you? You’re lucky I don’t make you put on a show for the rest of the guards.”

You shook your head again, tears starting to form in your tired eyes, “Please don’t-” You tried to plead with him but, as you did, you watched him reach for his baton, “Okay, okay!”

Rumlow smiled a wicked smile, “Good. Bend over and cough, inmate. Let me see that cute, little ass of yours.”

+

When you finally got to see a female officer, she was escorting you to your cell. In your hands, you held the rest of your life which included one more set of clothes, bedding, and a toothbrush. You had to eat what the prison provided and you could only earn extra commissary from working. Hela tried to explain everything to you but you were only latching onto every other world. 

You walked along a slim passageway which had cells to the right and a metal railing to the left. There were three floors of cells and they seemed to go all the way around in a circle. Passed the railing and in the middle of the dome was where it seemed most of the inmates were gathered. 

The shouting, laughing, and fighting echoed through the dome and you couldn’t help but think those calls were for you. You could barely carry your bag of things and walk straight without stumbling. If they couldn’t send your weakness from your appearance then they’d surely sniff it out soon. 

“This can’t be allowed,” You whispered to Officer Hela, though her dark hair mixed with the look of death in her eyes didn’t scream “empathy” to you, “There has to be some sort of rule-”

She stopped in front of an empty, six by eight-foot cell which told you that this would be your new home, “You can sit in solitary if you like,” She spoke coldly, “Your meals get brought to you and you don’t have to deal with the animals in here but there’s no time outside. It’s easy to lose track of the days and forget which voices are real and which ones are inside your head. If you prefer to go insane before you die then I’d recommend that route.”

There wasn’t much of a choice to make and you found your feet moving before your brain could register. You stepped inside the cell, setting down your things on the bottom bunk, “A girl like you is going to need to latch onto a group, pledge your allegiance, and do not let them question your loyalty. They live by a different code here and following it is life or death, do you understand?”

You slowly nodded as you listened and part of you was grateful that she wasn’t completely cold, “T-Thank you-”

She scoffed, “Such a precious little thing … I give you a week,” With that, she turned on her heel and you felt hopeless once again, “I’ll escort you to dinner-”

You shook your head, “I’m not hungry.” You were actually starving but you could not yet face the beast. 

She only shrugged and pulled the door closed. The light above you flickered and you stared back down at your bunk. You were holding back your tears as you tried to make up your bed. Staring at the flimsy mattress material only made you more depressed so you decided just to lay down. Facing the wall, your tired eyes roamed over what was scribbled on the walls. 

S.H.I.E.L.D. is evil. 

S.H.I.E.L.D. is corrupt. 

You hated that the words initially sent a wave of anger through you. You hated that you still felt loyal to that group of monsters. You were a low level worker with good standing and they had just sent you to die?

With your face tucked into your arm, you cried yourself to sleep. 

+

The next day you had no choice but to face your fears. You couldn’t go any longer without food and, in a place like this, you needed to keep your energy up. Before the sun was even out, you heard the mechanical click of the cell door. Your favorite officer, Rumlow, made sure to stop by your cell during roll call. 

“So you decided on general population,” He popped the gum he was chewing, looking you over, “I’m sad to hear it, I was gonna visit you every day in solitary but I guess we’ll get some alone time soon enough.”

You scowled at him and a shiver went through you as he continued pass your cell. You were now grateful that you had chosen general population. 

That feeling didn’t last as inmates started moving from their cells down to breakfast. You stayed back, waiting to slip out of your cell when the crowd had passed. You lingered in the back of the line but no one seemed to notice you until you were in the kitchen line. The first reaction was a quiet murmur that went through the group of (mostly) men at the sight of you. 

You didn’t quite match anyone's stature, not even the women. At least they looked like they could take care of themselves. You were sure that your face probably had dark circles and sunken in features. You looked down when you felt someone's eyes on you and you cringed at every word whispered about you. 

“If I could just get my hands on her …”

“I wonder what a little girl like that could’ve done to get in here.”

“I’d be real gentle with her …” “I wouldn’t … I’d make her scream …”

“Move along,” Hela barked at the inmates in the line. You tried to tune them out as a staff member handed you your tray of food. A stale piece of toast, plastic-looking eggs, peaches, and what looked like could be oatmeal. 

It was when you turned away that you felt a pinch on your bottom. You turned around quickly only to find yourself staring at a chest rather than a face. As you looked up, a man with long, dark black hair stared down at you, “Aren’t you adorable?”

“I said move along, inmates,” You looked towards Hela for some sort of help but didn’t receive any. 

When you looked back again, the man had disappeared. You shook it off, figuring that was the least of what you were about to experience today. As you stepped out into the middle of the dome, you remembered the advice that Hela had managed to give you. 

There were cliques formed at each circular, metal table and you looked each one over as you walked past them. Again, people stared and said vile things but you spotted a table where two women were sitting. They were much older than you but the look you got from them was not maternal in the least. 

“Can I… sit here?” You knew the answer based on their thin-lipped scowls. 

You weren’t like any of them … you were fragile. Besides that, you used to work for S.H.I.E.L.D. and the organization was responsible for locking half of these people away. You kept walking, eventually finding an empty table to sit at. 

All you could think about now was eating. You picked at your tray with your plastic fork, and with each bite of the food you cringed. The toast was also completely rock hard, “It helps if you dip it in water,” Your head snapped up as you felt a shadow over you before someone took a seat beside you. 

You weren’t expecting someone so young and you certainly weren’t expecting a friendly smile. You stared at the handsome man with your mouth agape. You hadn’t realized what he meant until you looked back down at the bread in your hands, “Oh … I doubt anything would make this edible-”

He ran his hand through his light brown hair, before reaching into the pocket of his jumpsuit. On the table in front of you, he placed a twinkie. The entire room seemed to go quiet for a moment and you realized that everyone was watching the two of you. 

“I can’t accept this …”

“Of course you can, it’s no big deal,” His brown eyes pierced into yours as he shrugged, “I’m Peter.”

The sugary, process food was calling your name but you still weren’t sure what his deal was, “T-Thank you,” Not wanting to come off rude, you accepted it, unknowingly beginning to seal your fate, “I’m … I’m-”

“Y/N Y/LN,” He finished for you which left your eyes wide with shock, “You’re already famous. The guards like to gossip and it’s rare we get new inmates so people get curious.”

“Oh,” You shifted uncomfortably in your seat. 

“Don’t worry, some people in here care about your charges, how you got here, but not me,” He tried to reassure you, a smile tugging at his lips, “S.H.I.E.L.D. screwed us all and I don’t think there’s a point in playing who’s the better bad guy.”

You looked around. Now that you knew that people knew your charges and your history, you were starting to feel unsettled. The only thing keeping you grounded was him reassuring you that he didn’t care, “How long-” Your voice came out in a whisper, “How long have you been here?”

Peter took a breath as he thought for a moment, “Few years. Now I kinda forget that I was a normal teenager when this all started.”

Years. And he was a teenager when they brought him here? Did they have no limits to their cruelty?

“God,” You breathed out, overwhelmed, “I don’t think I can … do this-”

Peter reached out, placing a calm hand on your arm, “Hey, hey, you have to survive here. Whether you were meant to be here or not, you have to live like this is your reality. Looking like you’re about to vomit is not a good look to everyone else. I saw Loki over there … he’s an asshole touching you like that  but it’s because he’s already sniffed you out.”

You nodded, trying to stay calm, “But I don’t know how to look … to look less weak.”

“For one, you’re going to have to start eating more and building some muscle,” You could tell by his grip on your arm that he was quite strong, “And the next time someone disrespects you, you have to stand up for yourself. You also can’t just bark like a little chihuahua. Maybe you could pick someone out, someone that you could win in a fight against.”

As Peter started to scan the room, you immediately started shaking your hand, “I can’t just attack someone,” You whisper-shouted, your eyes wide with worry. 

Peter chuckled, “Not with that attitude. Maybe you could go for Heather over there,” He eyed a woman who was practically elderly, “She has a cane so even you could probably overpower though I’ve seen here use the thing as a weapon a few times-”

“Peter,” You spoke sharply, “There has to be another way.”

Peter looked into your eyes and you lost hope for a moment until he seemed to perk up, “I have some friends, we kind of run together in this place, looking out for each other,” Peter explained and you listened intently, hoping for a means of survival that didn’t require attacking an old lady, “I could probably convince them to start looking out for you too. But it won’t be easy, we take loyalty very seriously here, and it wouldn’t be without a cost to you.”

“What sort of cost?”

Peter shrugged, “Could be lots of things. They serve plums on Friday and Bucky loves those so maybe you’d show your support to the group by giving him yours. Something like that,” You followed Peter’s finger as he pointed two men out, one with dark hair and the other with light. Both were built like bodybuilders, “Steve’s a respected leader here and maybe you could help run messages for him.” 

You nodded, “T-That sounds fair,” You paused for a moment as the men eyed you, “And for the twinkie? What do you want?”

“Now you’re starting to get it,” Peter grinned, “Eat it and that means you accept our claim. You’re one of us.”

“Can’t I have time to think about it?” 

Peter seemed to hesitate for the first time, “I’m sure you won’t get a better offer,” Your face fell, “But sure. I’d be quick about it though. Those big, doe eyes aren’t going to work on everybody.”

+

The dark-haired one was following you. Loki, Peter called him, hadn’t taken his eyes off you ever since you parted ways with Peter yesterday. He and his greek god, blonde friend were now walking behind you as you made your way through the halls. They were pushing mop buckets, evidently taking a break from their cleaning duty. 

You had gotten lost trying to find the hospital wing and now you were paying the consequences. 

“Little bird … caged and unprotected,” He taunted you and your heartbeat quickened as you tried to keep from looking back,  “Not even the guards want to save her. Poor thing.”

“It seems she’s in need of protecting, brother.”

“Protecting? If I got my hands on her, the last thing I’d think of is being gentle-”

You turned into the first room you passed, expecting to find somewhere to hide but you only seemed to encounter more people. It was the TV room, a staticy old television airing a baseball game was hanging in the corner of the room, and a bunch of men were sitting at different tables. 

They all turned their heads to you as you interrupted and you immediately recognized the two men from Peter’s loyal “group”. Bucky and Steve. Your heart was out of your chest at the point and you found yourself whispering a “sorry” before turning back towards the door. Loki and his brother, however, were waiting patiently. 

Loki leaned in the doorway, eyeing you like you were fresh meat. 

“Is this jackass bothering you, hon?” Your eyes wide with fear, you quickly realized that it wasn’t Loki taunting you. The dark-haired man’s, you remembered Peter calling him Bucky, voice boomed through the room.

You froze.

“Don’t you have toilets to scrub, Laufeyson?” The light hair man with a thick beard spoke, and by the look on his face you could tell he was a man of power. Not so much power-hungry but someone that demanded respect and often received it. 

Loki scoffed, looking over you again, “As far as I know, this one is free territory.”

“Well, this room is my territory and guess where she happens to be standing,” Loki’s jaw clenched at Steve’s words. 

“C’mere, hon,” Bucky spoke to you, signaling to cross the room. She hesitated but only for a moment as you realized your choices were Peter’s friends or letting Loki, have you. You crossed the room cautiously towards them, everyone now looking at you. You paused awkwardly in front of the table but a small yelp left your lip as Bucky grabbed you by the arm, spinning you into his lap. 

“See,” Steve said as you uncomfortably tried your best not to squirm, “Don’t touch things that aren’t yours, Laufeyson.”

You felt a hand clench your thigh and cringed.

“Aye, aye, Captain.”

As soon as Loki stormed away, you stood up, brushing whatever wrinkles had formed in your jumpsuit. Amused, Bucky smiled at you, “You could at least thank us,” Bucky leaned forward and you tried not to scowl. 

“Thank you,” You whispered. 

“Good girl,” Bucky smirked. 

“Lang, get Y/N a chair,” Steve ordered another man in the room. He was quick to obey the command and, even though you were in a new place, you felt you’d been transported into an entirely new planet. 

“You don’t have to-”

“Sit,” Steve said as the chair was placed beside you, “You can leave when you give us an answer to the offer Peter mentioned yesterday.”

You had thought long and hard about Peter’s offer and decided last night that you wanted to reject it. It wasn’t until now that you realized your decision was a mistake. There was no telling when you’d be getting out of this place, Peter had been here for years, and it seemed you were already a target. 

You’d even heard a rumor that the guards placed bets on how long you’d survive in here. 

“Yes …” You nodded your head, “That’s my answer.”

Steve's lips pulled into a small grin as he eyed his friend across the table, “Good choice, doll.”

+

A week later and you were still alive and relatively untouched. Bucky was quite handsy but Peter reminded you that it was just protocol. Everyone had to know that you were a part of their group and that, if you were harmed, they’d have to deal with Steve and his minions. 

Like Peter said, there were quite a few sacrifices you had to make. Your new job in the kitchen allowed you to provide the group with all the food they wanted and when you weren’t working, you were running errands for Steve. You got an idea of all the inmate leaders and how they functioned as a society. 

Steve seemed to be at the very top and you realized the possible consequences of crossing someone like him. Still, you felt more pampered than like you were a part of some elaborate prison gang. Most of your wishes were theirs to grant. 

They let you watch whatever you wanted in the TV room. Bucky always called you pet names that you were starting to grow fond of. Steve had some pull with the guards so Rumlow was never around to bother you anymore. Peter even found you a set of paints to occupy your time in your cell. As long as you followed them around like their cute little puppy, they were quite nice to you. 

“C’mon, run a lap with me. You gotta build your strength,” Peter asked you, his face sweaty and shining under the baking sun. He was shirtless, the shirtsleeves of his uniform wrapped around his waist, and his magnificent physique was on display just like Steve and Bucky’s. During rec time in the courtyard, you’d become accustomed to standing by the fence and watching them lift weights. 

“I’m good, thanks,” You smiled awkwardly, “I get tired just from watching you guys.”

“Peter’s right,” Steve let out a breath as he dropped his hundred-pound dumbbell.

“I just …” Your voice trailed off as Steve eyed you with his strong gaze. You knew that what he said goes but you were growing nervous, “I don’t want to get sweaty.”

“You’re serious?” Bucky chimed in, a curious look on his face. 

“Is that like a girl thing I don’t know about?” Peter flashed you an amused look and your cheeks began to heat with embarrassment. 

“Y/N?” Steve could see that you were hiding something.

You crossed your arms, sighing, “I just don’t want to have to shower, okay?”

“You haven’t showered since you’ve been here?” Peter asked incredulously. 

“I have!” You quickly defended yourself, “I mean, I’ve just been using the sink in my cell.”

“I see what this is about,” Bucky had a knowing look on his face, “Dollface is scared of the communal showers.”

Peter’s mouth formed the shape of an “o” as he realized what was going on. You still felt so embarrassed. It was yet another thing that made you seem totally defenseless. 

“Is that true?” Steve asked and you were beginning to feel overwhelmed by their concerned gazes, “Why didn’t you tell us? Next time, one of us will keep watch for you. No one’s gonna bother you.”

Maybe it was the isolation or the fact that your life would never be the same again. Maybe it was the fact that you’d never see your family again or that you cried yourself to sleep every night. That might be the reason you felt that they genuinely cared for you and why you wanted to fully embrace the comfort that they were providing. 

Maybe that was why you wanted to belong to them. 

+

For the first time, you were reminded of your old life. You weren’t sure how long you’d lost yourself under the water, letting time get away from you, as the warm water cascaded along your skin. The showers had a sorry excuse for water pressure and, despite the creepiness of the beige tiles and flickering light above, when you closed your eyes you were in paradise. 

“All clean, beautiful?” Bucky’s voice brought you out of your trance. Suddenly you were back in the square room with showerheads lining each wall. You wiped the water from your eyes before turning off the water. 

“Y-Yes, I’m almost done!” You shouted back, grabbing your towel from off the hook. You pressed it to your face, drying your skin. You were quite grateful that they’d taken the extra steps to make you feel protected, “Bucky-”

As you turned around, that feeling of gratitude quickly turned to something resembling fear. He was supposed to wait for you outside the bathroom and yet, there he was, only three feet away from you. 

“What are you-”

He looked over you hungrily and you pressed your towel closer to your body, “You have no idea how long it's been since I’ve been with a beautiful woman like you … Steve too. And Peter, he’s just learning the ropes.”

You took a step back, towards the wall, and as you did you caught a glimpse behind Bucky’s towering figure. Both Steve and Peter were here, stalking closer. 

“You said you’d protect me…” Your voice cracked, your hands beginning to shake. 

“We will,” Steve spoke, determined, “No one else but us will touch you.”

“Nothing in here is without a cost, Y/N,” Peter seemed a bit solemn like his current life was not what he wanted it to be but he was just as hungry, if not more, as Bucky. 

Bucky grabbed you then, his eyes impatient, and you wrestled for your towel for only a moment before he easily snatched it away from you. A helpless squeal left your mouth as he grabbed you by the arm with one hand and placed his other hand between your legs. He grabbed your thigh tightly and as his hand moved further up, you found yourself paralyzed. 

“Good girl. You’re going to take all of us,” Bucky spoke quietly, shushing you, his grip growing tighter and tighter. Before you knew it, all three of them were surrounding you, their curious hands wandering over your wet skin. Grabbing your breast, your thighs, turning your face to bite at your neck. 

“Get on your knees,” Steve grunted against your ear, growing impatient like his friend. 

When you didn’t move, Peter was the one to push you down onto the cold floor. You hiccuped, trying not to hyperventilate as they overwhelmed you from each side. As they all started to pull down their clothes, you made one final attempt at trying to crawl away. 

Steve grabbed you by your throat, making your efforts futile, pushing your face towards his crotch. You felt it, hard and throbbing against your cheek, “Open up, don’t make this hard, doll,” Through the corner of your eye, you saw Bucky stroking his own length, waiting patiently for his turn. 

Steve grabbed you by your hair next, pressing your closed lips against his tip. He forced himself in your mouth, “There you go,” Steve grunted, pushing himself deeper, “Move that tongue around.”

Steve Rogers could make your life a living hell in the Cage. Was this really the price you had to pay in order to survive here? You couldn’t imagine it being any worse than this but Steve could make that possible. That’s why you started to swirl your tongue like he said, deciding that their orgasms would end your pain. 

Bucky was much rougher than Steve, pinching your nose closed and enjoying watching your eyes widen and water. He practically touched the back of your throat and still commanded you to stroke Peter and Steve’s cocks with your hands while you took him in your mouth. Somehow, you managed. 

Peter was much more gentle and you were grateful for that. His hands rested softly on the back of your head, guiding your mouth slowly up and down his length, “God, this is awesome,” He cursed, his head tilting back as he enjoyed the stimulation. When he finally finished, his warmth filled your mouth and before you could spit or catch your breath, Bucky grabbed you again. 

He came so far down your throat that you were forced to swallow it but, unlike him, Steve took his time, “This little mouth. Is ours. Every single hole. Is ours. No one else, do you understand?” With each sentence, he thrust hard until he filled your mouth. You leaned over, coughing as you felt the stinging of your sore throat. 

You were about to collapse onto the dirty cold floor when gentle arms lifted you up into a broad chest. You found yourself not fighting, only pressing your face into Bucky’s chest as you began to sob. 

Steve didn’t have to say anything more. You understand your new position and there wasn’t anyone else there to save you from that fate. 

That night you learned there was a change to your cell assignment. You’d sleep in Steve’s arms, a little bird that was safe and protected in it’s cage. 

+

hope you enjoyed!! i’m posting this instead of sleeping because I have class in this morning :) 

[inkdemonapologist]

[BatIM Call of Cthulhu Masterpost]

WE STARTED.... A NEW SCENARIO..... as you may have read in Boo’s summary post, for some unknown reason aLL MUSICAL AND PERFORMANCE ABILITY SEEMS TO BE??? GONE??? Sammy woke up, realised he couldn’t hold even the simplest tune in his head, and immediately lost THIRTY-ONE SANITY in one hit

..... YOU KNOW THAT MAKES SENSE HONESTLY

 anyway i have a some out-of-context quotes from the game for u all under the readmore if ur into that kinda thing!!!

[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), Jack is played by Mochi (whatyouwantedmetosee) and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]

[GM] It's a tough voice to do, so you can't be as choosy, and your resident Bendy cannot act to save his life, so that's no good-- [Joey] Uh-oh. [Jack] Sorry, Lurks. [Joey] I'm just so worried he's going to have to act now... [Jack] Clearly, he should've used the time between scenarios to train that! [GM] Yeah, that's just what everybody wants I'm sure, is the Lurker training in LYING. That sounds like a great idea!

[GM] *asking for dice rolls to see how well our actual jobs are going* We can do a little bit of mundanity to, to treasure, and keep you warm later!

[Henry] Should I spend Luck points on this? No, I'm not spending Luck on work. [Sammy] That's a good general life policy

[Jack] Does Jack have any contacts? [Joey] No, he has glasses! :D [Jack] noooo that's my job! It's my job to make Jack's puns! ....Contacts probably didn't exist in the 1930s, that's okay. [Sammy] No, don't say that! Boo's going to have to look it up now!

[GM] What spell is Joey working on? [Jack] (Spell of Make Investor Like You)

[Joey] I think he probably has filing cabinets specifically to put occult stuff in and lock. And then the rest of his office is just piles and tables of animation stuff that you're like "...shouldn't this??? be??? in the filing cabinet???"

[GM] Allison remarks, "The companions of our childhood always possess a certain power of our minds, which hardly any later friend can obtain." [Sammy] Y'know, normal, just nORMAL CASUAL CHATTER, [GM] Tom, working on the pipe, just kinda mutters, "I enjoy friends, dear not only by habit and association, but from their own merits." And she gives him a look! [Jack] ...love at first whATEVER THIS IS,

[Sammy] ...Sammy's not amused. [GM] The band's amused! [Jack] Jack is probably amused.

[GM] So far things are going very well, but y'know, [Jack] Only so long until we crit fail something! [Sammy] NEVER TOO LATE TO MESS IT UP!

[GM] Allison's vibe is like, I Didn't Study This Exactly, But I Was Hoping It Could Just Work Out! [Jack] ...She has a lot of practice at just... making things work out, huh.... 

[GM] Is there anything else Joey would try to show off? [Joey] Tries to think... what else is at the Studio... [Jack] "Do you wanna talk to our janitor? He's really cool!"

[Joey] I roll to see if Joey can put two brain cells together,

[Jack] I have to appreciate that Bendy said he didn’t have the keys today. He’s been stealing them before, but THIS TIME isn’t his doing!

[Sammy] If there’s anything he needs to do himself, then he’ll come in early, but I don’t know what state we’re in -- [Joey] Uh, New York. [Sammy] ...what? [Joey] You didn’t know what state we’re in. :) [Sammy] [Sammy] thanks

[Joey] Oh Joey’s absolutely coming in early. Joey woke up, and felt great, so he’s going to menace every other department today, because he has the energy to get his fingers into everything! [Sammy] *distressed sounds in the background*

[Sammy] Hey how come when we did a Halloween cartoon, we all went to Haiti, but we’re doing a cartoon about a fair and we’re not going to a fair? [Jack] [Jack] I think we all know why.

*trying to decide who goes to Joey’s fancy dinner with an investor* [Sammy] I don’t know if Sammy will help you... [Sammy] Unless you bring Sammy and put him on a piano, like a small child that needs to be immediately handed crayons.

[Joey] Joey will say that they’re essentially the second hands in each of the departments-- [Jack] Yeah, Abby, the second hand… entire Art Department director, [GM] Uh-huh. [Joey] She… she knows,, [GM] Joey, [Joey] She knows that Joey… is … Big Gay for Henry,,, [GM] This is true, but I think she likes nominal acknowledgement that she holds a position, [Jack] He can just say that they’re high-ranking, and not-- [Joey] No I rolled badly, Joey’s going to say that Sammy and Henry are busy, so he brought his second-best! :) [GM] Abby is massaging her temples. [Joey] Sorry, Abby. He is,, an idiot,,, [GM] I think she’d be a lot more bothered if she couldn’t go and commiserate with Henry about it. Like, “why can’t he keep it straight?” [GM] ……………….well. She knows why he can’t keep it straight.

[GM] It’s about midnight, and something... strange.... happens. The trumpet player, who is leading the band -- [Joey] -- has a trumpet for a head! [GM] what no

*Joey succeeds a sanity check, Jack fails it* [GM] Joey, roll 1d10! [Joey] Uh, 3? [GM] Okay, you’re only down three sanity, that’s not so bad! [GM] Jack, roll 6d10! [Jack] what? [Joey] Six??? SIX d10s????? [GM] Yeah! [Joey] nICE KNOWING YOU, JACK!!! It’s time for Sillytime Jack.

[Jack] Smash cut to Henry, curled up in bed, nice and cozy,

[GM] I will also note, you cannot seem to Fast Talk. [Joey] ...what else can I do? [GM] Just normal talk. Like a normal person.

[Jack] I feel like Jack probably has a hunch that it’s weird nightmarish horror nonsense, on account of he just lost nineteen sanity,

[GM] Abby’s gonna try to take him to the hospital. [Jack] Jack’s just going to let that happen, because he’s shaken enough that he doesn’t have any significantly better ideas! Other than AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA,

[Sammy] *rolling sanity damage* 9… 9, stop that…. 4, [Jack] You’ve already lost more than Jack! [Sammy] 2, ...6, and 1! [Joey] That’s 31. [GM] Okay, Sammy has six sanity! [Sammy] eXCUSE ME?????

[Joey] Joey does want to head home… what day is it? [GM] Friday, the 13th! [Jack] HM, [Sammy] I GUESS IT IS, ISN’T IT… I wasn’t keeping track, but I guess it sure is! [GM] A delightful treat for myself, when I was looking up days in July, in 1934, [Sammy] WAIT, NO, ITS ACTUALLY A COINCIDENCE? Oh my gosh, [Jack] Because Friday the 13th wouldn’t even be a spooky day at this point in time! [GM] It is now! [Jack] It’s spooky, but just for us!

[Sammy] Sammy would try to call Jack, he’d try to call Joey, he’d try to call Henry -- probably several times, [Henry] sammy gets jack’s cat [Henry] phone is answered with meows [Jack] That does seem fitting for a really bad luck roll; the phone gets answered, and Sammy’s really relieved -- and it’s just the cat. [Sammy] Sammy, at 6 sanity: “jack’s tuRNED INTO A CAT,”

[Joey] The phone kept on ringing, so the cat just batted it off the cradle, [Jack] I feel like Jack probably doesn’t usually get a significant number of calls, so like, this many calls in a row is just obnoxious! [Jack] Cat’s having none of it. [Jack] Phone ring isn’t breakfast! [Jack] Where is the soft provider of food.

[GM] Oh no, you know what’s going to happen? Henry’s gonna get through to Jack, and then when Sammy calls it’s busy! [Sammy] cALLS JACK IT’S BUSY, CALLS HENRY IT’S BUSY, [Jack] I was gonna say maybe Henry would call Sammy first, because Sammy was one of the original three. [Jack] …Henry calls Sammy, Sammy is busy because SAMMY is trying to call someone, and then Henry calls Jack, and Sammy tries to call Jack again-- [Sammy] *laughing* THE HORROR, The deep, bone-chilling horror of A TIME BEFORE CALL-WAITING!!

[Henry] Is Joey there? [Jack] Yeah. [Henry] Are you guys alright? [Jack] ……………….hm,

[Jack] Cat is just sat on Joey, purring. Something is wrong with the human. Purr to fix the human.

[Henry] I called Sammy to make sure he’s okay, but-- [Abby] Was he? [Henry] No.

[Joey] Joey is going to be… obstinate feels like the wrong word? [Joey] He’s being the cat where you put the leash on, and the cat just sits down. [Joey] That is the Joseph mood right now.

[Sammy] *muttering* First one boyfriend turns into a cat, now the other boyfriend’s voice is wrong, today is terrible,

[Joey] This is Joey’s everything. [Sammy] That’s Joey’s contribution to the party! That’s like, your bard can no longer play music. [Sammy] ……….which is also true, but Sammy contributes other things. [Jack] Like Intimidate! [Sammy] Right now he contributes paranoia!

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

Today. Tomorrow. Forever.

Warnings for Major Character (Un)Death. If you liked Brain Bleed you might like this :o) Takes place at the end of Halo 3 - beginning of Halo 4. Title from the poem that named the Forward Unto Dawn

-

"Chief?! Can you hear me?" Panic fills her voice and she hates it but she just got back to him and she can’t bear to say goodbye. Not yet. Not so soon. "I thought I lost you, too."

"What happened?" The familiar gruff tone soothes something deep in her matrix, she’s home at last, even if it’s for a short time. She has him. They float around the darkened halls of the Forward Unto Dawn, the lights from his helmet catching on the gunmetal walls and floating debris. 

"I'm not sure... when Halo fired, it shook itself to pieces. Did a number on the Ark. The portal couldn't sustain itself; we made it through just as it collapsed. Well, some of us made it."  She grabs at what data she can, expands the suit’s sensors to the very edge of the ship, or what’s left of it. Plans filter through her mind like water over stones, cascading and flowing, like ice melting in spring. Ideas melting away as she calculates the probability and weighs their options. There’s nothing left, just them and half a ship, floating dead in space. There’s nothing they can do but wait. 

"But you did it. Truth and the Covenant... The Flood... It's finished." She tries to rally, but she had just said goodbye, just in case. It wasn’t fair. They had saved everyone, everything. And for what? To spend the rest of their short lives wasting away, never to be found? 

"It's finished." 

He’s so frustratingly calm, still focused on the mission. But she can read his vitals and see how tired he is in the way he carries himself to the cryopod. He’d been hit point blank by the monitor’s lazer and the suit had saved him but the damage had been done. He had several fractures that she could tell had started healing without medical attention. What had he gotten up to since she saw him last? Chief looked as rough as she felt.

"I'll drop a beacon. But it'll be a while before anyone finds us. Years, even." She prods as he settles into the pod and stows his rifle. He doesn’t react, and a spike of emotion goes through her. Why won’t he admit it, that this might be the end? His wounds aren’t going to make cryo any easier and she can feel her own end coming sooner than it should. The rush of forerunner and covenant data and the strain of using it, her time trapped with the gravemind, torture under the guise of riddles and games, and her truly unique service record weighing down her matrix and slowing her processes. Who knows how long it’ll take for someone to find them? If they even look? They’re both tools of war and the war has ended. Pawns going back into the box now that the game is over.   

"I'll miss you." She can’t sit here and watch him starve or run out of oxygen. The ship has enough residual power she can drop the beacon and freeze him before she…waits. His wounds won’t like it and his suit has seen better days, but even with what little she has to work with, she can update the firmware and tinker with tech. Something to do while she watches over him. 

"Wake me... when you need me." He rumbles lowly, another promise. The cryopod seals, becoming another casket. The ship is as silent as a tomb and she works and she waits. 

–

4 years, 2 months and 1 day later, the batteries storing the residual energy from their half of the ship begin to fail. The beacon barely takes any energy to maintain, but it’s range is only so far already and she could retreat into her chip almost indefinitely…and surely go rampant faster blind, deaf, and alone in her cramped prison cell of a housing unit. 

It is a wonder they even lasted this long. Cortana had already paced the remaining circuits and plotted a thousand different plans for a million different scenarios. She hated being this powerless, and now there was a new problem.

Space was cold, which was good if they completely lost power since it would keep Chief at a nice cozy 2.7 degrees Kelvin and he wouldn’t thaw. Good news and bad news, he wouldn’t thaw. With the batteries failing she wouldn’t be able to give him the kindness of a normal thaw.

She could save them both and create enough power to strengthen the beacon if she could get direct access to his suit’s fusion reactor. To do that he’d need to be awake for the overrides and to retrieve her from the holoterminal, not to mention the stress the whole idea would put on the power supply in his armor, if that fails he’ll have another, even smaller tomb to wake up in. 

Waking him up in his current state would also put an incredible amount of stress on his already injured body and might kill him. Spartan IIs were used to fast thaws, trained to withstand the adrenaline injections and 5 minute turnaround with minimal side effects. But she had had the time to run a complete bioscan and run diagnostics on the both of them. She wasn’t equipped to help Chief currently in a medical emergency, and it looked like anything other than them being rescued in the next 6 months before all power drained from the batteries would count as a medical emergency. 

She already thought she was trapped and now she felt like she was backed into a corner. It was always on her mind that they were going to die out here, but she had avoided thinking about the scenarios where she caused his death. 

Strands of her consciousness fought her as she struggled to see a way out. Rampancy had been setting in and she felt so far from herself. Her mind jumped and skipped and got stuck fixated on moments like an old archaic tape. She couldn’t recall simple things and her emotions came and went with little rhyme or reason. She was losing control of herself. And she was losing John.

Cryo wasn’t always the answer.

He’d gone through so much and the injuries he sustained before entering the pod had severely damaged his organs. Cryo did not heal, it only preserved, sustained. He was frozen in time as injured as he was years ago. 

Waking him up could kill him, could kill them both faster, but could she sit here and watch their chances drain away alongside the power? She’d exhausted all other options…except…

Could she do that to him? Exchange his life for time? She’d be no better than Halsey, sacrificing him for what? A few more days gasping for breath as they floated in the emptiness. Would he hate her? Could she do that to him, her partner, her teammate? Even if she could do the impossible and her plan worked, he would never be the same. He’d be on a timer just like her, except he’d be chained to her and she was already past her expiration date.  

His brain function had been so easy to map, as familiar as coming home. Shunting rampant data and making room for him was so simple. A straight path forward.

Could she do it?

Sacrifice him for the sake of the mission, if the mission was to survive? Could she watch him die? 

The batteries beep, power dropping to 60%. They’re running out of time. She preps the stimulant infusion and starts heating the emergency heating coils. 

His heart fails.

48 hours later. Power is at 75% and steady. The beacon is stronger. 

The Master Chief is dead. The Master Chief is online.

-

“Chief! Easy, you’ve been out for a while.” He’s more confused than usual. Cryo usually hurts more physically, and the cocktail of drugs and adrenaline usually has him more responsive and combat ready.

"Where are we?" He needs something. Information. He feels like he’s run back to back combat missions and nothing at all. There’s some disconnect and an empty feeling in his head. He’s used to working with next to no information, missions change, but something is off and it’s making him itch. 

"We're still adrift on the Dawn." Cortana says, and there’s something in her voice. 

"Why did you wake me?" He doesn’t mean to sound so gruff, but he needs to know, needs to understand why nothing feels right. Cryo isn’t like this. 

 "Hang on. Bringing your systems online now." He notices her dodging the question but doesn’t push. She feels different in the suit. He’s more aware of her, swears he can feel her sifting through data and pulling strands, like a spider at the center of a web."I rewrote your suit's firmware while you were out."

"You've been busy.” He leaves it at that. He’s awake now and needs to move, needs to do something about this itch.

“You could say that.” She seems sad.

John 117 crawls out of the cryotube, disoriented and numb. His muscles twitch at the prods of electricity he feels running through the suit.

“What’re you doing?” He asks her, looking at her on his HUD. When did she get into his suit? He left her in the holoterminal when he went into cryo. How…?

“Just making sure the muscle is moving. No freezer burn?” Her joke falls flat. “You’ve been in cryo for a long time Chief, injured no less. I…did the best I could but your wounds might make things feel a little different.”

“How long?”

“We’ve been out here for over 4 years.”

He plants his feet and holsters his rifle. He turns to leave the ruined cryobay when he’s stopped by a tug on the back of his suit. 

Turning he sees cords and wires connecting to the power supply of his armor. Flashes of hazy memory come back to him.  

She had to thaw him earlier…for the power and overrides. His chest burned then, but there’s nothing now. He tilts his head and stills. Cold, heat, pain, her frantic voice, and then cold again. And now nothing.

He looks at his gauntleted hand and closes it and opens it again. 

“Cortana…”

A boom rattles the ship, and he’s got his rifle in his hands before he blinks. That’s new.

“Seems like increasing the power of a UNSC distress beacon is attracting some unwanted attention. Ready to get back to work?”

“Just like old times.” The words fall flatter than their usual banter. There’s a conversation to be had, later. For now, there’s intrusions on the decks four levels above.

He doesn’t think about how he knows that, almost instinctively. The Master Chief is online, systems nominal. 

[randomshyperson]

Wanda Maximoff x Reader - Sorry for your loss - Part III "I will get better"

Serie Masterlist here || Part II| | Read on AO3 

Summary: When your wife Natasha passes away in a car accident, a part of you dies with her. It takes a few months of mourning for your psychiatrist thinks the best alternative is for you to join a grief group. And there you meet Wanda Maximoff, and learn to live again.

Warnings: (+16) mentions of death, panic attacks and anxiety, grief, self sabotage, mentions of abusive family background, mutual attraction pining, explicit consent, therapeutic conversations about death, self-deprecation, healthy methods of coping with grief, possible triggers about anxiety, domestic Wanda, hurtful behaviors.

Tag list: @imapotatao / @aimezvousbrahms/ @ensorcellme/ @helloalycia / @mionemymind / @abimess / @stephanieromanoff / @yourtaletotell / @tomy5girls / @justagaypanicking / @thegayw1tch / @idek-5

//-//

Chapter III - I will get better.

Your mother has an insinuating look on her face when you wake up after hearing noises of voices and walk to the kitchen, finding her sipping coffee on the table. With Wanda.

"H-hey." You greet clumsily, your sleepy brain had completely forgotten that the redhead was in your house.

"Good morning honey." Your mother said, her gaze following you all the way to the cupboards and as you served yourself. "I was just telling Wanda how I've been suggesting that you schedule a coffee so we could get to know each other, and what a coincidence it is that I come home and find her lost in my kitchen."

You yawn, shrugging your shoulders.

"Yes, fate is incredible." You mumble sarcastically, and your mother laughs lightly patting you on the arm as you sit down next to her at the table. "Did you sleep well, Wands?"

The redhead looks up at you and smiles as she nods. You stare back for a moment, but feeling your cheeks flush, you look away to your coffee.

"How was your date, Mom?" You ask next, not missing the opportunity to tease her.

"How was yours?"

You choke on your coffee, and your mother laughs. You don't risk looking at Wanda after that joke. But your mother is quick enough to change the subject.

"I need to talk to you about something, by the way." She comments stretching her arm to reach for the work case she left on the empty chair at the table. "Darcy came by the store yesterday afternoon, looking for you."

You frown in surprise, turning your head to look at your mother. She rummages through the files inside her bag, and then pulls out a red folder, handing it to you next.

"What's this?"

"Your contract."

You blink in surprise, and then open the folder. Running your hand over your face momentarily, you sigh.

"Mom..."

"Honey, give it a try." Your mother pleads touching your shoulder. "You are so talented honey. It would be so nice if you would write again."

You laugh humorlessly, running your hand through your hair. Taking a deep breath, you close the folder.

"I'll think about it."

Your words are far more than anything you have done regarding work in many months, so your mother lets out a contented exclamation and gives you a kiss on the cheek, making you laugh.

"Now, let's change the topic, okay?" you ask clumsily, making your mother laugh. She straightens up in her chair, and you look at Wanda quickly, blushing at the fond look in her eyes in your direction.

"Tell me, darling, what do you do?" Your mother asks Wanda. You go back to eating, holding back a giggle. You knew that now your mother would interrogate Wanda the same way Pietro did you, but she was far less subtle than the man was.

Several minutes later, Wanda managed to evade questions when she said she needed to go home, and you nudged your mother lightly in the ribs to get her to leave the other woman alone.

You stood up, grabbing the pots and pans from the table to take to the sink before walking Wanda to the front door while your mother pretended to read the newspaper while watching you two.

"Thank you for letting me stay the night." Wanda said at the door. You smiled, telling her it was okay. She hesitated next, and then moved closer, kissing your cheek good-bye. You nodded dismissively as she walked away, a silly smile on your face as you closed the door after she returned to the car parked in the driveway.

"I liked her." Your mother says as soon as you close the door. You give a short laugh, turning to go back to your room and take a shower. "Don't let that one get away."

"I'm not going to talk about this." You tell her with a mixture of embarrassment and impatience, looking back. Your mother laughs, glancing back at the paper.

//-//

Non-Reader Pov’s

Wanda sighed as she opened the door to the house. The boys were with Pietro, because they had insisted on spending the night after the party. And honestly, Wanda was so tired that she didn't even argue.

Erik was in the living room and didn't take his eyes off the newspaper when his daughter entered the room, throwing her shoes in the doorway and her purse on the couch.

"Should I ask where you spent the night?" he says with a slight hint that makes Wanda's face heat up, but she just continues toward her own room.

"Please, don't." She asks embarrassed, and Erik smiles, not speaking again.

After taking a shower, and getting dressed, Wanda stared at herself for a few moments in the mirror. You are fine. Everything is fine. She repeated these words a few times before leaving the bathroom.

When she returned to the living room, her father was still in the same position, but this time he lowered the newspaper to look at her.

"Honey, I ended up not meeting the friend you said you were bringing to Luna's party yesterday." He counters and Wanda presses her lips together as she goes to the kitchen, starting to sort the ingredients for lunch. "Pietro told me she left early."

"Yep." Wanda agrees a moment later. "It was my fault really. But it's okay now."

"I'd still like to meet her."

Wanda grumbles in agreement, washing some pots. Erik gets up from the armchair, walking over to the counter.

"There is something else I would like to talk to you about." He continues as he rests his hands on the marble. Wanda murmurs signaling that she is listening, but does not turn around. Her father sighs before speaking. "I need to get back home."

One of the pots slips from Wanda's hand, making a noise, but she catches it before it breaks. With a racing heart, she wipes the soap from her hands and the pot, and then dries her hands with a cloth, turning to look at her father as she rests her back against the sink.

"R-right." She agrees with tears in her eyes, but forces herself to smile. Erik looks at her with concern and guilt, but still stands firm as he says.

"Wanda, it's time." He says. "Charles misses me, I can't stay here forever."

"It's okay, papa." Wanda adds in a hoarse voice. She clears her throat lightly, trying not to despair at the thought of being home alone for the first time since Vis died. "I'll be fine."

Erik went around the countertop, moving closer to his daughter to place his hands on her shoulders.

"You can call me anytime you want." He says tenderly. "This is your home, Wan. You'll be able to make it. I'm sure."

Wanda nods, letting the tears flow. Her father hugs her next, and she responds, relaxing against his grip.

Erik breaks the embrace a moment later, smiling at his daughter before pulling away.

"I need to get things organized." He says. "When Pietro arrives with the boys, tell him I need a ride."

"You’re leaving today?" Wanda asks in surprise, and Erik sighs as he agrees. She swallows dryly, nodding frantically in assent.

Her father turns toward the second floor, and Wanda rests her hands on the countertop, taking a deep breath.

She tries not to be too anxious about the fact that starting tomorrow, when the kids go off to school, she will be all alone at home. Actually alone.

//-//

Reader’s Pov

Leaving your monthly appointment with Agatha, after spending an hour telling her about all the progress since you last saw her, you were quite hungry.

You hadn't spoken to Wanda since the day before, but when you thought about texting, you were surprised to realize that she had tried to call you while you were in therapy.

Dialing her number, you waited for her to answer.

"Hey, sorry, my cell phone was off." You say as soon as she says "Hello," slightly worried that it was important. "What did you want?"

" To see you." She says simply, and you ignore your quickened heartbeat. "I...I've been sitting in my car for ten minutes. I can't get into the house."

You frown at Wanda's tearful tone.

"What happened?"

"I just..." She starts half breathlessly. "My dad's not here. I dropped the kids off at school, and I don't...I don't want to be alone."

Your heart breaks for confession, and you shake your head.

"Wands, take a deep breath okay?." You ask her. "Send me your address."

"No, you don't have to..."

"Wanda." You interrupt with a short laugh. "I don't mind, really. Let me help you."

The woman on the other end of the line sighs heavily, and then thanks you. You smile when she hangs up and there is an address on the message app.

//-//

It takes about half an hour for you to arrive, and you walk slowly to the car parked outside, tapping the window lightly to attract Wanda's attention.

She is briefly startled, distracted by her cell phone, but smiles when she realizes it is you, then opens the door and steps out to hug you. You ignore the feeling of how good it is to have her against you as you respond.

"Everything okay?" You ask softly, and Wanda denies it with her head as soon as she lets go of you. You bite the inside of your cheek, unable to resist stroking her cheek for a moment before pushing your hand away.

"I can't get in." She confesses with water-filled eyes as she leans against the car. You sigh, standing next to her with your back to the metal. Her hand slips into yours, but neither of you say anything about it.

"Why not?"

Wanda is silent for a moment, and you imagine that she is not going to answer. But she does.

"Vis bought this house for me." She begins, and you resist the urge to wipe away the tear running down her cheek, imagining that your touch might intimidate her into shutting up. "I never...I never thought I would live in it without him."

"Is that why you asked your dad to move in with you?" you question.

"I think so." She murmurs. "I...I didn't want to be alone here. I mean...I have the boys. But they stay with Pietro so much, and there's school and karate, and music class. When Vis was alive, he worked from home, and I always had company." She explains. "Dad is retired so he’s always around, and he didn't mind staying. I don't think I've been alone here in eight months." Wanda sniffles softly, wiping away tears. "But his husband needed him to come back, and Charles is right to ask. Dad can't keep babysitting his grown daughter who can't put her life together."

"Don't talk like that." You interrupt by squeezing her hand lightly. Wanda shakes her head, running her hand through her hair and taking a deep breath. "Wanda?" You call out to her after a moment, and wait for her to look at you. "Do you want me to come in with you?"

She looks at your lips for a moment, but your head is elsewhere, so you just smile. Wanda nods in agreement.

After you help her get the groceries from the car, you wait behind her until she opens the door. Wanda takes a deep breath, and turns the handle.

Her house is very nice. Clean and organized, although the common characteristics of a house inhabited by children are visible. Wanda leaves a paper bag on the countertop and helps you with the one you are carrying, picking it up and placing it next to the other.

"So?" You ask with your hands in your pockets, looking intently at Wanda, who is trembling slightly as she puts away the items in the kitchen. "Wands?"

"I just..." She begins half impatiently. You don't get affected however, standing your ground. "I don't want you to leave."

You let out a short laugh, feeling your face heat up.

"But I need to go eventually." You say shrugging. "But while i'm here, why don't you show me around? I'll spend the afternoon with you until the boys arrive. But someday you'll need to do it alone."

"Like you moving back to your apartment?" She retorts bitterly and you blink in surprise, and Wanda is already assuming an apologetic expression, but you laugh and she looks at you with confusion.

"Ouch." You joke. " All right, smarty-pants. That was mean. But it's okay, I'm not mad." You assure her approaching as you take your hands out of your pockets to raise them to Wanda's shoulders. " Let's make a deal then?"

"What?"

"I'll keep you company at your place ." You say. "And you help me with my apartment?"

Wanda looks at you a moment, thoughtful. And then she smiles, nods, and circles her arms around you, burying her head in your neck. You don't mind that this hug lasts much longer than a hug between friends does.

//-//

You are laughing at a funny story from Wanda's college days when the front door opens and three small children come running in, throwing their shoes and backpacks on the floor. Pietro is surprised to see you too as he walks in and closes the door.

"Look who's here." He comments with a smile approaching to greet you. "How are you?"

"Good, Pietro." You reply gently. "And you?"

"Yeah, it’s all fine." He says looking at Wanda for a second. "Everything okay around here?"

Wanda bites her lip, looking away to the floor before speaking.

"She's keeping me company."

"Okay?"

"Because papa's not home." Wanda adds, and it takes a moment for Pietro to understand. He exchanges a look with you, but smiles, squeezing Wanda's shoulder for a moment before the boys join you all.

"Hello, who are you?" One of the boys asks, who hugs Wanda's right leg.

You bend down at his height, extending your hand.

"I'm your mommy's friend. You're Billy right?" You say and the boy looks quickly at his mother before shaking your hand. You shake very quickly and repeatedly without squeezing making him laugh as you tell him your name.

You turn your face to the other boy, hugging Wanda's other leg. "Good to see you again, Tommy. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine, thank you." He replies politely, making you laugh.

"Do I know her, daddy?" You heard Luna shyly ask Pietro next as she was hiding behind her cousin Tommy. Pietro smiled, nodding.

"Yes, dear, she was at your party don't you remember?"

"She helped Tommy with his headache didn't she daddy?"

Wanda frowned in confusion, but you didn't notice, your gaze on the child as you smiled. Pietro agreed again, and then Luna approached you.

"Do you want to be my friend?" She asked and you thought your heart was going to melt with such cuteness.

"Of course I do!" You replied excitedly, imitating the hand gesture you made with Billy, drawing a laugh from the girl.

"Let's take her to see our room!" Tommy suggested next, and you let out an exclamation of excitement to play with them. Exchanging a quick glance with the other two adults in the room, you let Tommy and Billy hold your hand and lead you upstairs, Luna following behind.

//-//

Non Reader’s Pov

As soon as the children were completely up the stairs, Pietro let out a giggle that attracted his sister's attention.

"What?" Wanda asked.

"Oh, nothing." He replied with a little smile. And only when he and Wanda were in the kitchen, intent on preparing lunch, did he add. "I like her."

"Shut up." Mumbled Wanda with reddened cheeks, understanding exactly what Pietro meant.

The man laughed again, walking over to stand next to his sister and chop some vegetables while she stirred the pots.

"I'll just say one more thing about it, and I promise I'll wait until you feel comfortable telling me." He says and seeing his sister's lack of response, he continues. "It's really good to see you smiling again. I'm glad you're moving on."

"Pietro..."

"Hey." The man interrupts his sister who looks clearly uncomfortable. He drops the knife he picked up to cut carrots and approaches her, holding her hands.

"There's nothing wrong with that." He says tenderly.

"Stop saying those things." Wanda asks releasing her hands to run her fingers through her hair, sighing as she leaned against the sink, breathing deeply. "I don't... I have the boys to take care of, I don't even have time to think about those kinds of things right now."

Pietro sighs, shaking his head.

"You know what, Wanda?" He begins. "Ever since we were kids, all you've done is take care of someone. You took care of babushka, and mamochka. You took care of me all my life, and then you got married and Vis joined the list too. Then came the twins." He said, and Wanda frowned, not understanding where the conversation was going, but Pietro's firm tone encouraged her not to interrupt. "When Vis died, you needed to breathe, and I really didn't mind helping you take care of the boys. But what about you. Wanda? If you're looking out for everyone else, who's looking out for you?"

"I..."

But Wanda doesn't know what to say. She opens and closes her mouth a few times, and Pietro sighs slightly, smiling to reassure his sister.

"You've been through hell the last few months, Wands." He adds. "There's nothing wrong with wanting some heaven."

"You're getting so cheesy, P." Wanda mumbles with flushed cheeks, causing Pietro to laugh lightly. The woman wiped a few tears from her face, and sniffled before shaking her head. "Come on, enough of this talk. The children must be starving."

"Yes, ma'am."

They prepare lunch in silence for a few moments. It is only when Pietro hands Wanda the cut vegetables to throw into the pot, that she remembers to ask about what happened at the party with Y/N and Tommy.

"Oh, she ran into him in the office." Pietro counters. "I think he was feeling sick again. I found them in the kitchen, eating some hot dogs. You were lucky to find a girl who does very well with children, eh?"

Wanda smiles with reddened cheeks, nudging her brother lightly with her shoulders as she mumbles at him to shut up.

//-//

Reader Pov’s

You sat on one of the twins' beds as they filled your lap with toys.

Doing your best to follow all the lines and get on with the fun, you pretended to drink imaginary tea when Tommy handed you a cup, and made a funny voice when Billy asked you to pretend to be a policewoman. Then Luna asked you to imitate a dragon and you spread your arms, running around the room behind the three of them.

Several minutes later, they got into a game of pretend play and forgot all about you, so you looked around at the posters, not sure if you should leave them alone.

Looking around, your gaze caught the pictures on the boys' dresser, and you smiled as you ran your fingers across the pictures.

You bit the inside of your cheek when you picked up one of the frames, the picture of the whole family in it.

"Careful not to break it." You heard Billy say out loud to you. From the tone, it sounded like something Wanda probably said to him a few times.

"I promise I won't break it." You assure him with a smile, turning your gaze to the photograph.

It is probably the picture of the day when the kids came back from the hospital. Wanda is holding one of them, and a tall, blond man is holding the other baby. They have contented smiles on their faces as they wave to whoever was taking the picture.

"Were you friends with dad too?" Tommy asked suddenly. You were slightly surprised to realize that he had stood up and was standing next to you.

"No, Tommy." You respond by stooping down to his height. "I didn't know your father."

"Did you know he died?" He asked next, shifting his gaze to the floor. You held your breath before letting go.

"Yes."

"Mom said that dying means you don't come home anymore." Tommy said and you felt your heart tighten.

"Yeah, honey."

"I miss daddy." Tommy confesses next, and you feel your own eyes fill with water at the scene. But not wanting to make him nervous, you swallow your emotion and smile weakly to calm him down.

"Yeah, I know you do." You tell him, extending your hand toward him for him to hold if he wants. When he accepts, you squeeze it lightly. "But the people we love never really leave us. When you think of your daddy, you feel a little pain in your chest don't you?" You ask and Tommy nods in agreement. "That's the part of your father in you. The love you feel for him stays inside your chest now. Before, you could spread that love with hugs and kisses and smiles. But now you have to keep it to yourself." You say tenderly, and Tommy seems to absorb your words. Billy and Luna are also listening to the conversation and look at you as they sit on the floor in front of a dollhouse. "Do you understand what I say?"

Tommy nods. "Yes, I'm already five."

You chuckle lightly at the quick response.

"I don't want to keep love in my chest." He grumbles. "I want daddy back."

You swallow dryly, watching the thick tears stream down the boy's face. Your gaze quickly catches Billy's, and he is crying, too.

"I'm sorry, kids." You say reaching out to wipe away the tears of the boy in front of you. "That's how death works. It's not fair, and it hurts. But that's what happens. But you all aren't alone, okay? You can always hug your mommy, and your aunt and uncle, and me too if it hurts too much.”

Tommy sniffles and throws his arms around you. You hug him back, hoping he will calm down. It doesn't take long before Luna and Billy join you.

You want to make them feel better, so you open your arms as wide as you can to squeeze them all together, and wait a few minutes before you make a noise with your mouth like a monster. And it works very well, because the next moment they are laughing.

You let them go so that they run, and you laugh as you chase them around the house. When Wanda yells from downstairs for them to come to lunch, you change direction so that they dash downstairs.

"No running on the stairs!" You quickly warn. "The monster catches those who run on the stairs. You need to go slowly."

The children exchange quick glances and then obey. You pretend to walk in slow motion so that they come down without hurrying. They run again as soon as they get down, making you laugh.

Downstairs, Wanda guides everyone to the kitchen table. You exchange a quick glance with her, putting your hands in your pockets.

"You're going to have lunch with us right?" Wanda asks with a smile. You bite your lip, thoughtfully. "Please say yes." She adds the request making you laugh lightly.

"But then I need to leave." You say with a raised finger in jest, Wanda smiles, nodding in understanding, and taking your hand to pull you into the kitchen.

Neither of you mind the look Pietro casts at your linked hands as Wanda leads you to the table.

//-//

Your week goes by very slowly.

At group therapy on Wednesday, Stephen brings games, and it is as much fun as any other time. Before you leave for lunch with Wanda, Stephen asks to speak with you both.

"I have some questions about your checklist." He says as the gymnasium empties out and you guys help him put the chairs away. "I noticed that you crossed out all the questions about grief." He begins, and you and Wanda exchange a look. "But of course it's okay, it's not a script to be followed really, it's just ideas to break the ice. And you guys are making progress, so as long as it's working for you, it's working for us."

"Stephen you are diverting from the subject." You grumble with your hands in your pockets, and the man laughs.

"Sorry." He says as he finishes folding the metal chairs in the corner of the gym. "I imagine you also realize that you have completed the vast majority of your monthly goals. With the exception of one."

You sigh, looking away. Stephen tries to smile to reassure you.

"I understand that this is difficult for you." He speaks again. "And you should also know that it's not mandatory, okay, but I would like you to try."

You swallow dryly, and it takes a moment, but you nod in agreement.

"I will." You say. "But I need time. I'm not going to drive off the first time."

"Don't worry about deadlines." He interrupts. "Find a way that works for you. Besides, you won't be doing this alone."

Stephen gives you both an encouraging look, and you take a deep breath trying not to overthink his request. When he nods in farewell, Wanda holds your hand and stands in front of you.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" She asks and you smile, running your gaze over her face.

"Only if you stay with me."

She smiles. "I will."

You both walk outside next.

//-//

During the following week, you set small goals with Wanda regarding her house.

Wanda is always home alone in the morning, because the kids go to school. And since you don't do anything at home, you come to spend the morning with her.

On the first day, you leave her house five minutes before the time she usually pick up the kids. You smile, hug Wanda goodbye, and tell her she can take being alone for five minutes. She catches up with you at the front door, shaking as she hugs your back. You don't have the heart to leave her alone after that, and you go with her to pick up the boys at school.

On the second day, you try again. Five minutes of solitude. Wanda is nervous as you walk out the door, but she doesn't follow you. You smile proudly as you leave.

On the third day, you leave ten minutes early. And then fifteen. Then twenty. By the third week, Wanda can be alone for hours. On week four, you don't come.

Wanda calls you, laughing and crying, saying that everything is all right. That she can breathe, and that she is not panicking anymore. And you also cry and laugh while telling her that you are proud of her.

You have started writing again by then.

Because you needed to find something to keep you busy while you were at her house and Wanda worked from home with the administration of the flower shop, and she didn't mind you bringing some books and your laptop to try to write something.

For the first few days you just watched television, occasionally chatting with Wanda when she came to ask if everything was okay and if you were comfortable before going back to her study room. But then you run your fingers through the photographs of the house and get an idea about a small story. It's brief, and simple, but it's sweet and the first thing you've written in a long time. Wanda loves it when you show it to her, and you laugh shyly when she puts the paper on the refrigerator door.

You call Darcy the second week you are helping Wanda. Your colleague is happy to hear that you are working again, and even happier to hear that you will accept the contract. It's a quick thing, and the timing is good, just what you need to get used to again. Wanda sets up a second desk in her office and you smile in appreciation, saying that she would get tired of your presence like this, but she assures you that that would never happen. You enjoy having her company while you write.

Soon you tell her that you are ready to try driving again. And Wanda sighs, saying that she is also ready to go back to the flower shop.

You agree that after she drops the kids off at school, she will pick you up at home with her car, and you will go to the flower shop together. And you can try to drive her car on the way back.

"Everything okay?" You ask Wanda when you arrive in front of the establishment. The flower shop is very nice, even from the outside you can tell. It is a small brown building, with many vases and floral decorations outside, and a sign at the entrance. You can see Monica at the counter through the glass but she is distracted by a customer and doesn't notice you two at the door.

"Yeah, I just...I just need a moment." Wanda clarifies looking at you quickly. She takes a deep breath, and then enters.

"Wanda!" Monica greets you two cheerfully as soon as the customer leaves, and you two approach her around the counter. The woman quickly hugs Wanda, who laughs lightly. "I am so happy to see you here again. And look at that, I think even the flowers have cheered up."

You smile at the interaction, letting your gaze wander around afterwards.

Flowers are not exactly something you know well, but you think they are very beautiful. And you absolutely love photographs of flower arrangements, and flowers in nature.

"And how are you, Y/N?" Monica asks loudly, attracting your attention. You take your eyes off the white flower in front of you to smile at her.

"I'm good, Monica." You reply. "It's good to see you again. Is everything okay?"

"Oh, yeah." She says gently fiddling with some vases. Wanda disappears beyond the back doors, probably getting used to being around again. "It's been pretty quiet today, so I've had plenty of time to look around the web page."

You smile in understanding. You knew that Monica had an online store that she and Pietro ran, but you couldn't remember exactly what they sold, so you didn't comment on it. But you were glad to know that she was taking the time to check out the shop even though she was working at Wanda's flower store.

"Are you going to stick around today?" she asks next, and you put your hands in your pockets.

"I don't really know." You reply. "If Wanda stays then I'll stay."

Monica raises her eyebrows suggestively, impressed by your words. You feel your face heat up.

"B-because she's my ride." You clarify quickly, and Monica lets out a chuckle, turning to take a vase in her hands and move it around the place.

"Got it." She murmurs humorously.

Wanda joins you next, her purse was no longer with her, and you figured she was ready to work then.

"Mon, I'm going to stay in the back today, okay?" She says to Monica, who just nods encouragingly. Wanda looks at you hesitantly. "Is it okay if I leave you alone?"

You laugh lightly.

"Don't worry, Wands." You tell her. "I'm here for you. Do what you have to do."

"I'll keep you company, honey." Monica adds with amusement. Wanda laughs, glancing one last time at you before turning toward the office. You look at the other woman next. "Tell me, have you ever tended a garden before?"

//-//

You are washing the dirt from your hands when Wanda finishes. She was only inside the small office for at most three hours, much less than a normal workload, but you don't say anything and Monica doesn't care either.

After thanking Mon for teaching you how to grow a garden, you say goodbye to her with a kiss on the cheek, wishing her a good rest of her shift, and leave with Wanda from the flower shop. You were anxious because you are going to be in the driver's seat now.

Wanda left the car in the supermarket parking lot at the corner of the place, at this time the surroundings were relatively empty.

You two were standing facing the driver's door.

"Here we are." She said beside you. You took a deep breath.

"Here we are." You repeated her words.

Wanda slipped one of her arms around your waist, hugging you from the side, waiting for you to be ready to open the door. And it took a moment until you did.

As soon as you sat down in the driver's seat, Wanda turned around the car and got in, sitting next to you in the passenger seat.

Your heart was racing, and you were static. When you risked looking down, you had a flash of memories, and your breath hitched and your eyes filled with tears. Wanda noticed, and reached for your hand quickly. You sat there in silence for about forty minutes until you stopped crying.

"Sorry, I'm wasting your time." You muttered breathlessly, and Wanda shook her head, squeezing your hand and raising the other to make you look at her. She stroked your cheek tenderly as she spoke.

"Don't say that. I want to be here and help you." She whispers while wiping your tears with her thumb. "As you have done for me."

You sniffled, trying to smile a little. Wanda just looked at you as you closed your eyes, trying to normalize your breathing.

"Let's try again tomorrow, okay?" Wanda murmurs to you. You gasp slightly, agreeing.

Then you switched places, and Wanda drove you home. You mumbled a thank you, giving the woman a long kiss on the cheek before getting out of the car. You didn't notice how she squeezed the steering wheel and her face flushed when your lips touched her skin.

//-//

[spitfire-of-the-sea]

Hot chocolate

Last entry to the @whitebeard-pirate-week - I was on a work-trip the last days, so sadly I missed Day4 and I hope I'm still in time for Day5. =) It's Modern AU/Freestyle fluff nonsense. I have a bit of a longing for fluff/smut lately, so these modern AU ideas are floating around in my head. I might write more of those, if I feel like people like it and I get into it.

Anyhow! SFW! Hopefully cute fluff! Ace x OC in modern world setting; Have fun!

Saki had probably never in her life stood in front of a door and studied it for as long as she did right now. It wasn’t even a particularly interesting door – it seemed rather thick, probably a fire safety door of sorts, even though it still looked wooden. The entry door of her apartment was the same, only darker. This one here was birch perhaps? Something light, anyhow. Not that that held any relevance to anything, but at the very least it bought her a few more minutes to make up her mind. Even though there was only a single logical conclusion. She’d come all the way here, climbed six flights of stairs, and searched for door number nine – there was absolutely no point in turning back now. She was just so nervous and she didn’t even know why.

Alright, that was a lie. She was pretty aware that the nervousness stemmed from standing in front of the door of one Portgas D. Ace and if she was honest with herself, he made her weak in the knees and even weaker in the brain. And that was something she didn’t much like, after all, it was pretty much the only asset she had. Still, that wasn’t his fault – well, it was, but not out of malice; it’s not like he dazzled her on purpose, he was simply… himself. With his stupid beaming smile, his stupid cute freckles, his stupid warm laugh, and those stupid, gentle brown eyes. Not his fault. Hence, he shouldn’t suffer any consequences, she figured, just because she couldn’t seem to get him out of her mind lately. He’d for sure want his cell phone back. Even if its screen was cracked in several places and it had weird child-like doodles on the back.

She had found it while cleaning up after the fundraiser yesterday evening at the medical center and spent half an hour finding its owner. Marco had finally identified it as Ace’s cell phone and when she had tried to give it to him to return it, he’d claimed to be away over the weekend and unable to do so, asking her to take care of it in his stead. In her panic, she’d almost asked him to just text Ace to pick it up from the Lost&Found box at the reception whenever he had time. Almost. And so she stood here now, cell phone in hand, and stared at a door.

She sighed, looking at her watch again – it was late afternoon and Marco had claimed Ace would be home for sure at this time today. Worrying her lips, she checked the door number again. It read nine, just like it had already the last five times she’d looked.

“Alright,” she muttered. “Let’s do this!” Before she could change her mind and just drop it into the postbox at the entrance, she pressed the bell button and heard it sound through the door. It wasn’t all bad. She liked him, after all, and seeing him for a few minutes would definitely be worth the half-hour walk over here. She was being an idiot, really, an idiot with an enormous crush. But she had everything under control, so there was absolutely no reason to be nervous.

She sighed and waited for a moment, but she heard nothing else, everything remained quiet. After a little while, she pressed the button again and waited. Again nothing. She already turned to leave with a sigh, more disappointed than she cared to acknowledge, when she heard a crashing sound from inside and then, muffled, a male voice. Stepping back quickly she steeled herself, not even realizing that she pressed the phone in her hands to her chest as she fixed her eyes on the door as it swung open. “Can I help you?”

Well, shit.

She stared, unable to help herself. Ace stood in the door frame, his hand still on the door handle. His hair was disheveled and he looked at her bleary-eyed, one foot clutched in his hand and a pained expression twisting his face. It looked as if she had woken him up – which potentially explained why he stood there in only loose pajama pants and nothing else. She swallowed, gaze briefly drifting down over his broad shoulders to his finely defined pectorals, and before it could wander any lower, she snapped her eyes back to his face, heat rising to her face. He blinked at her owlishly, oblivious to where her eyes had wandered, and recognition dawned in his eyes.

“Ah, Saki! What are you doing here?” he asked and rubbed at his foot. She wondered if he’d hurt himself – there had been some commotion before he had opened the door after all.

“I… I found your phone! Yesterday, after the fundraiser!” she blurted out and remembered that she was holding it in her hands. Thrusting her hands out towards him, she held it out for him. Then, more quietly: “I’ve woken you up, haven’t I? I’m so sorry!”

He dropped his foot and he took it from her hands, looked it over, and then beamed at her. “Thanks so much! I’ve been looking everywhere! I thought I lost it somewhere!” Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, he shook his head then, still smiling. “No, don’t worry, you didn’t wake me up.”

Clearing her throat, she pulled back her hands and awkwardly fiddled with her fingers as she looked him over, pointedly letting her eyes rest on his bare chest for a moment. Which was a mistake, because it gave her time to appreciate how unbelievably delicious he looked and notice how low those pants hung around his hips. Low enough to reveal the contour of his hip bones and the beginnings of a V-shape trailing towards his groin. She was quick to look back up, swearing to herself that she’d keep her eyes strictly at eye level from now on. For everybody’s safety. Mostly her sanity’s, though.

He laughed, rubbing a hand over his chest. “Alright, maybe I was asleep – but don’t worry about it. You couldn’t have known. I had to take over a night shift because somebody got sick and I only got home in the morning. It was anyway time to get up now. Plus, you brought me back my phone!” He wiggled it in front of her. “I couldn’t even call my brothers because I don’t know their number by heart. This little thing contains half my brain!”

She chuckled, nodding along. “I know the feeling. Still, I’m sorry for waking you up like this. I’m sure it’s bad enough having to work nights without being thrown out of bed the next day.” Thrown out in nothing but pajama pants and looking like sex on a stick. She swallowed. Pure thoughts. She needed to think pure thoughts. “Did you hurt yourself? Are you okay?”

He blinked at her at the question and then looked down at his foot, but quickly waved her off as he looked back at her with a grin. “Stubbed my toe. Hurt like a motherf…-,” he answered and abruptly cut himself off, eyes widening. “Hurt quite a bit. All good now! Don’t worry about waking me up, as I said, it was anyway time to get up.”

She bit back a laugh. He’d again stop himself from cursing in front of her. “Alright then, I’m glad to hear that.” They stood there for a moment, looking at each other and she awkwardly shifted on her feet, clearing her throat. Was it weird that she’d suddenly popped up in front of his apartment when there should be no way for her to know where he lived? “I found it while we were cleaning up, Marco said it’s yours, but he didn’t have time to bring it by. He gave me your address and told me you’d be home at this time today.”

“That’s nice of you, Saki.” She was severely distracted by the way his name sounded on his lips. Unsurprisingly she liked it. A lot. “Thanks! You’re a lifesaver!” Ace ran a hand through his messy hair and then as if suddenly realizing something, took a step towards her. “I’m an idiot…! Do you want to come in? How about a coffee? Sounds good?” He extended his arm, inviting her in and she froze for a moment, before quickly lifting her hands and feeling heat rise to her face. The offer was tempting but it had absolutely nothing to do with coffee and everything with a bit more time in his presence.

“No!” she sputtered, feeling guilty for the thought. His face fell and she quickly added: “I meant I don’t want to bother you, you only just woke up! I’d feel bad for inconveniencing you like this!”

“Ah, okay!” He seemed relieved, and laughed, shaking his head. “Nonsense, come on in! You came all this way to bring me my phone, it’s the least I can do. I owe you one!”

Worrying her lower lip, she tried to be logical. She could come in for a few minutes and have a nice chat and enjoy the amazing view. “Well, if you’re positive you actually are fine…” When he huffed a laugh and grabbed her arm by the wrist to gently pull her inside, she trailed off, his hand feeling impossibly hot on her skin.

“Trust me, I don’t say anything I don’t mean. You’re welcome in here!” He let go of her hand and turned to lead the way into his kitchen. His back was as nice as all the rest of him, broad shoulders and a narrow waist and the muscles rippling below his skin as he put the phone aside and turned to look at her over his shoulder. “You coming?”

With some delay, she kicked off her shoes and hastily trotted after him. The apartment seemed smaller than hers and definitely barer, she only spotted some picture frames as they entered the open kitchen and small living room. It didn’t look very lived in, except for the stack of clothes on the couch and a few dirty dishes in the sink. “Do you have night shifts often?” she asked, uncomfortable with letting silence settle as he started to rummage through a drawer.

“Not that often.” He frowned, bending down to get a closer look as he shifted the contents of the drawer around. “The flu seems to be going around, I’ve got quite a few people on sick leave right now, so I took over some shifts. Hmm… I could have sworn it’s in here.”

Realizing he was probably looking for something related to his offer for coffee, she quickly stepped closer and he looked up when she touched a hand to his shoulder briefly. “So… Ace…,” she started, feeling like an idiot. With an embarrassed smile, she ducked her head. “I don’t actually drink coffee. I don’t like the taste. Sorry!”

He blinked at her for a moment before grinning. “That’s a relief, actually. Neither do I!” He straightened. “I keep some of that instant powder around, one of my brothers can’t function without it – it’s horrible, I’ve been told, though, so I’m glad I don’t have to subject you to that!” He scratched the back of his head as he eyed her. “Tea? Or you a hot chocolate kinda lass?”

“Either is fine,” she answered and chuckled when he leaned down to be on eye-level with her, lifting an eyebrow. “If I’ve got the choice, then hot chocolate, please.”

“You’ve got all the choice with me,” he said with a wink and she was only about 99% sure it was meant fully innocently and that did weird things to her heartrate. “Hot chocolate it is. You’re a girl after my own heart!” His words made her chest clench and once again she had to tell herself that it wasn’t his fault that he made her feel this way. “Can you grab two mugs? They’re up there!”

She stepped towards the cabinet he pointed at and opened it, searching for where he kept them – the drinking glasses were on eye-level, the mugs were on the uppermost shelf. After staring for a moment, she cast a quick glance at Ace, who had turned his back to her and was currently grabbing several things from different drawers and cabinets. Deciding to at least try, she tiptoed and reached up. When she stretched to her full length, she could touch the rim of one mug, but just not enough to properly grab it. Bracing one hand on the counter and pushing herself up, she closed her index finger around a handle just as she heard him chuckle. The next moment he was behind her, not quite touching her, but the sheer idea of him this close to her drove shivers up and down her spine. She could feel the heat his body emanated against her skin. When his hand landed on her hip to keep her in place, she almost jerked away in surprise, barely suppressing the reflex.

“Sorry, I didn’t consider you’re too tiny to reach up here. Let me!” His voice sounded from just behind her and his hand closed over hers briefly before she drew back and allowed him to take the mug in her stead. “I’m not tiny!” she said automatically. Working with Marco and Tate had her saying it quite often.

“Sure,” he conceded, “You’re only vertically challenged.” She didn’t need to see him to know he was grinning.

“If you must know,” she said haughtily and lowered herself back to the ground into a solid stance. A mistake, she realized, because her bum brushed against him as she did so and her brain immediately contemplated just where she’d probably touched him. She continued quickly, ignoring the way heat shot through her middle. “I prefer to call it fun-sized. I will also allow for ergonomically optimized.”

He laughed then and stepped back, the sudden loss of warmth against her… unpleasant. “That’ll work too. I’ll remember it,” he promised and sent her an impish grin as he went about his work. She watched him pour milk into their mugs before placing them in the microwave. “I think I’ll stay with fun-sized.”

She huffed, leaning her hip against the counter. “Ah, the arrogance of the tall. Mark my words, one of these days you’ll wish you were my size and would actually comfortably fit into airplane seats or be able to squeeze through crowds.”

His grin still in place, he looked her over. “Or when I can actually see the stage during a concert? Or, perhaps, when I want to actually be able to use the upper shelf space in my apartment?” He tapped a finger against his chin in fake thoughtfulness. “Perhaps most when I don’t need a ladder to get the delicious snacks from all the way up here?” He stretched and took a bag off the top of the cabinet, even for him almost out of reach.

She snorted, fumbling for a reply. “We’ll see about all that when the apocalypse hits and I need way less food and water to sustain my perfectly normal-sized body, while you stagger around, desperate for calories to keep all of this,” she gestured over his whole length, “going.”

Mentally she added extra calories to the calculation. Maintaining those muscles would come in extra costly – but she couldn’t deny that it was most definitely worth it.

His laughter was immediate, a full belly laugh as he threw his head up, eyes twinkling. “I feel like I’ve hit a sore point there.” He cocked his head to the side. “I do hope, though, you’ll think of me when the apocalypse hits and you’ve got some food leftover, seeing as how your fun-sized little self won’t need all those calories, hm?”

“Oh…,” she made a show of inspecting her nails. “I’m not sure yet. Perhaps if you ask extra nicely?”

He ignored the beeping microwave in favor of clutching his hands in front of his chest with puppy-dog eyes if she had ever seen any. “Pretty please?” Honestly? He could have asked her for pretty much anything with those eyes. She’d give it to him.

“Hmm…,” she made and focused on the conversation at hand, unable to keep the grin from making her mouth twitch upwards, and quickly averted her face. His warm brown eyes were doing things to her insides that felt entirely unhealthy. It was a mistake because it only made him step closer to catch her attention again. “I’m making you hot chocolate, after all.”

“I’ve brought you your phone,” she countered.

“My hot chocolate is amazing,” he said and his voice sounded huskier than before. She swallowed, finding it hard to maintain her façade of bored contemplation. His hot chocolate wasn’t the only thing amazing in here.

“I think I’ll have to be the judge of that, won’t I? Show, don’t tell, Portgas!” She felt flustered and hoped it didn’t show. When she turned to look at him, he stood leaning against the counter, eyes fixed on her. She swallowed again, mouth weirdly dry. “I think the microwave is done.”

“Right,” he said, slowly turning around. He worked in silence, making a show of keeping her from seeing what he was doing. It took a while and while she was perfectly content with watching the muscles play on his back, she got curious when she heard some metallic noises and saw how quick he was moving his arms. When she leaned to the side and tried to look around him, he clicked his tongue, moving to block her view with the width of his back. “No peeking!” he scolded her.

She bit her lips, watching him, and wondered how she could have such a goddamn teenage crush on a guy she’d met all of three times. She’d never been the type for crushes like that and had had exactly two in all her life – both had ended rather badly for her; none of them had developed this quickly.

He turned around then, offering her the mug with a flourish. “Madame, your hot chocolate awaits its judgment.” She bit back a laugh when she saw marshmallows bobbing in creamy milk-foam topping the hot chocolate, and traces of chocolate powder on top. While not sure what she’d expected, it wasn’t this. It was completely over-the-top, looked absolutely delicious, and made her feel fuzzy. Looking up from the mug, she saw him holding out a spoon to her. “Here.”

She took the mug and spoon from him, stared at the marshmallows, and then looked back up at him. “I didn’t take you for the marshmallow type,” she said and he wiggled his eyebrows at her. “You’ll find I’m full of surprises.”

Dipping the spoon in, she fished out the first marshmallows together with a good portion of cream and hot chocolate and couldn’t help the happy moan that left her when the soft sweetness of the combined taste and textures hit her. It was delicious. She hadn’t even realized her eyes had fallen closed until she opened them again and found Ace standing closer to her now, looking at her over the rim of his own mug, eyes a-crinkle. “I take it you like it.”

She swallowed, licking her lips, and wasn’t sure if it was just her imagination or his eyes had followed the movement briefly. “It’ll do,” she said, trying to look serious and barely managed when he sent her an offended look.

“Excuse me?!” he asked and took another step towards her. She had to tilt her head back to look up at him now. Unable to stop herself, she shrugged. “It’s okay, I guess,” she told him and slowly fished another marshmallow out, relishing the taste once she had put the spoon in her mouth.

“You always moan when something is just… okay?” he asked, hand in hip and if his eyes hadn’t looked a tiny bit darker than before or his voice wouldn’t have dropped down to a lower tone, she might have been able to swallow down the reply on the tip of her tongue and taken the safe route. Like this, she simply couldn’t.

“You should hear me when I really like something,” she said and felt somehow drunk. It was ridiculous how much she enjoyed the way his eyes widened slightly at her words. He dipped his head down slightly, regarding her, and suddenly she was acutely aware of how little he was wearing and how close he was standing, all things considered.

“I see,” he said slowly and she watched him place his own mug down on the counter, her heart skipping a beat. “You should be careful, though. That sounds a bit like a challenge.” Taking a shaky breath she was trying to find an answer, mesmerized by his movements as he leaned his hip against the counter, slightly closer than before, maybe an arm’s length away now.

Both of them jerked around when the door to his apartment crashed open, banged against the wall, and an “Aceeeeee!” could be heard ringing throughout the rooms. Not a second later a lanky young man stood in the doorway to the kitchen, clutching a straw hat to his head and grinning from ear to ear. “There you are! Ace, I’m hungry! Let’s go get something to eat!”