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eremiie · 3 years

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i saw this post here and just wanted to dissect everything lmao

aot 139 spoilers

“Eren admits that he literally killed 80% of the world’s population, he then says he only did it so it would look like eldians stopped a threat”

eren admit to killing 80% of the population bc he did... he’s admitting to what he did, and he says that he wanted to paint them to be the heroes— but not only did he do that, he ended the curse of ymir and gained freedom for his people. it wasn’t just to paint them as heroes

“He also did it so the rest of the world couldnt murder them”

he didn’t “also” do it for that reason, it was an effect, the rumbling ended up killing so many people that they can’t wage war on the eldians like eren says, it keeps them a little safe which they needed especially since some of humanity knows that paradis is what started the rumbling. it’s a cause and effect type thing. because eren killed 80% of the population that remaining population won’t be able to retaliate and try to kill the eldians since there are so little of them

the tybur family is treated like some of martyr and apparently pulling the strings which led to the deaths of millions of innocent eldians was actually a GOOD thing

this scene was interpreted wrong, armin says “...so you want us to be like the tyburs after the great titan war? we’re supposed to protect paradis from reprisal from humanity outside the walls?” he’s asking eren if that’s what they’re gonna do, he never says it’s a good thing. then that’s when eren explains that either way so much of humanity is destroyed that they wouldn’t be able to retaliate if they wanted to

Armin THANKS him for it

armin thanks eren for doing what he did to free them. not thanking eren for for mass murder period. it’s because of eren that the curse is lifted and that they are free and that’s what armin’s thanking eren for. mass murder is inexcusable, and eren knows that. that’s why after he panics and goes “but i dont want to die!” he comes to a realization that all the people he killed didn’t want to either, that the only way to atone for his sins is by dying himself. even if he didn’t die he would’ve probably been executed, or imprisoned for the rest of the life. just like in mikasa’s ova, “eren’s death is inevitable, no matter what reality you go to eren will always die because he carries death within himself.”

in another translation of the chapter armin thanks eren for being the bad guy so that they could win. he knows what eren did was bad. he’s not excusing it, he just understands why eren had to do it and that eren had no choice if he wanted them to be free.

from the get go freedom was one of the themes of eren’s character. if eren lived the whole entire world would be ruins and eren would’ve been even sadder than now, there would be nobody and it would’ve been worse than it is now. eren killing everyone was definitely not the ending to go. the ending we have could’ve been executed differently, sure, but in my eyes since i get the gist i think isa did an amazing job portraying what he had in mind.

“Armin is more upset with Eren saying he doesnt know how he feels about Mikasa moving on than mass genocide”

once again, armin isn’t all that upset with eren because he understands that eren had a path laid out for him that he had no choice to follow. the point of eren committing mass genocide keeps getting brought up as if it’s not know that mass genocide is a terrible thing. it is and that’s why everyone was so angry about it from the get go, that’s why that one plan of blackmailing humanity with the rumbling and not actually go through with it was brought up once— because they knew how cruel it is. armin knew how cruel it is as i believe it was him who brought that up

he’s upset with eren about mikasa’s feelings in like a banter kind of way. it’s like “this whole entire time this is how you felt but you couldn’t tell her that and let her suffer???? don’t forget what you said to her, she went through hell!” kind of thing. they had already talked about the whole mass genocide thing, mikasa was the next topic of discussion

“Eren then finally shows some fucking emotion and cries abt how he doesn’t want mikasa to be with anyone but him”

in another post i say, "okay so first i think the issue is that a lot of people fail to realize that the way eren acted all throughout season 4 isn’t eren really, that is him putting his emotions at bay so that he can complete something that he laid out for himself for his friends.eren from season 1-3 still exists, and that’s lowkey the eren that was talking the whole time in chapter 139— you can see the how he cares for his friends, you can see the desperation again, the compassion, everything in between.”

eren is still that s1-3 eren, season 4 eren just had to put his emotions aside so he could walk on the path that ymir put in front of him.

him crying over mikasa was one of his selfish desires coming to light, and it was realistic. it’s finally dawning on him that he’s gonna die, he’s finally getting to sit down and ponder about mikasa, he’s getting desperate, he’s panicking, and that compassion that he’s always had for his friends is showing through again. this gives realism to his character— it makes his character all the more human. one second he’s complaining about how he doesn’t want to die and wants to be with his friends bc its crashing on him, and the very next second he’s trying to be at peace with himself, realising that the only way to atone for what he caused is by dying. one second he’s complaining about how he wants miksa to be with anyone but him, the next second he’s coming to terms with himself and that mikasa needs to move on, because he loves her and wants her to live a long and happy life even if it means without him. the selfishness that showed for that mere second makes his character realistic. it shows that he’s still whiny, that little whiny angry boy from s1-3. he was never heartless and he was never cold. he was and is still eren jaeger, and you get a glimpse of the eren we know in that scene.

The founder ymir was apparently in love with the king???? another women stupidly devoted to a man, great.

i’m not too in depth with ymirs story so im not gonna speak too much about this because i myself do wish that whole love thingy went more into depth. i get how mikasa and ymir parallel each other, but other than that i’m not too sure myself, and i’ll admit that. it could be a case of stockholm syndrome, it could be that bc ymir was infatuated with living and she was confined to such a familial role she wanted to live in that role again with the king bc he’s the only person who gave her that familial lifestyle. i’m not sure. but if anything mikasa was im pretty sure the only character “devoted” to a man in aot. and it was because of the role eren played in her life, she’s not a bad written character, she has her developement. which i explain here

apparently mikasa’s unhealthy devotion to eren is what took her out of it????? in fact the series overly romanticizes mikasa’s love for eren despite the two having no chemistry and eren being an ass to her

in a sense, but that’s a simple minded way of saying it. ymir’s devotion to king fritz was unhealthy, eren describes it as “agony of love” because it was pretty unhealthy obvi. like i said ymir and mikasa parallel each other, and seeing mikasa be able to let go and kill the one she loves was that realization for ymir that she was able to do the same thing— that’s how i interpret that scene personally.

and in mikasa doing so, killing eren lifts that curse of ymir and frees ymir regardless, so ymir was happy about that as well. thanks to mikasa for cutting eren’s head off.

the series doesn’t necessarily over romanticize mikasa’s love for eren in my opinion. how i see it is that since eren is a big part of mikasa’s character he was necessary for her development as well, and her development was to let eren go because of how infatuated she was with him. this being said the series points out how unhealthy the way she loved him was especially in s1-3, and her love becomes more healthy when she gets her development in chap 139, finally being able to let eren go and move on. compare that to in the s1 when eren almost dies and she’s ready to die as well. thats development if you ask me.

one of the themes of the show is sacrifice, and almost every character has made one, mikasa sacrifices eren— she kills him and she chooses to go through with that decision despite how much she loves him.

eren was definitely mean to mikasa in s1-3 because she was overbearing, and thats one reason why i say the way she loved him was unhealthy at first. eren wasn’t able to reciprocate her love in the way that she loved him because it wasn’t healthy. eren also wasn’t able to reciprocate it because the last thing he was focused on was the concept of love. once again he had a path laid out for him that he had no choice but to follow, and mikasa didn’t have any play in this path until the very end, so the boy who keeps moving forward does just that and doesn’t pay her much mind, doesn’t get to sit down and think about his feelings for her, what she is to him.

(and i dont think i even need to explain the “mikasa i’ve always hated you seen, the chapter covers that enough)

they do have chemistry time to time, the eren v dina fritz scene, the scarf scene, “what am i to you”, little stuff like that goes into play and gives them these little sparks of chemistry. they couldn’t always grasp onto the full scope of the relationship they had and it was only some times they were able to do that with everything going on.

apparently the titans are just gone now….??? i cant even tell if its because Eren died or because Mikasa really made Ymir calm down

... eren controlling rumbling, eren dies rumbling stops, ymir finally lifts curse bc 1) eren died 2) shes able to come to realization that like mikasa lets eren go, she needs to let fritz go and the curse go. ymir lifts curse, eren’s goal is complete, if titan curse is lifted there are no more titans

Characters who murdered thousands and were the cause for AOT’s entire plot in the first place are now treated as heroes to the eldians… despite the shit that they did.

everyone in aot did some “shit” they all are murders, eren commited mass genocide, reiner commited mass murder, annie murdered so many people, reiner, armin destroyed thousands of people in one go, they all have killed somebody. they are seen as “heros” because they stopped the rumbling that was going to kill everyone else...... idk about you but if you just saved me from a horrid death, my racist opinion on you doesn’t really matter because you just saved my fucking life lmao, yes despite the shit that you did— because they have killed people too, and they were ready to kill the eldians still until armin told them that they killed eren, that they saved their lives and eliminated titans for good.... like whew???

the series went from “The military is cool” to “the military did a lot of fucked up shit” to “the military is SUPER cool”, and buffed it up

i’m not really sure where you got that tbh,, like the military wasn’t really a big thing up until the whole marleyan thing??? and they didn’t have much plot in the story besides it existing so like i’m not sure what to say ab this, i can’t really remember many times the military was even mentioned until now, but if anyone wants to elaborate on this for me that’d be nice

oh and they buffed up the military because since paradis had eren jaeger who started the rumbling, just in case, they had to be ready to fight again if the rest of humanity wanted to do something. after marley they updated all their technology, why can’t they update the military as well? it’s realistic, new weapons, new military, and all that

The military was buffed up bc the eldians are scared of the rest of the world retaliating, so Eren didn’t really fix shit except giving the Eldians an upper hand in the war

eren jaeger was the one who always screamed “i will kill all titans, we will get freedom” ya de ya de ya.... didn’t he do both of those things????? i thought those were some of his main goals as a character, he fixed those issues, the issues that have been issues since the start of the show

the rest of humanity don’t know the full scope like the eldians or marleyans, they’re probably just as scared and like in real life not all nations are at peace with one another. this is just another realistic factor— attack on titan is becoming a world closest to the real one we live in, there are militaries, there are still conflicts, there is still all these little aspects that bring the manga even more to life.

in my opinion it’d lowkey be weird if the rest of the world was just like “oh yeah those mfs that started the rumbling we love them haha” no... it killed 80% of the population like eren said... that’s not something to love.

Historia has a really disturbing speech about how the fight isnt going to end until either the Eldians or the rest of the world are exterminated, despite Gabi has an entire arc about her being deradicalized and learning to see the other side of things.

and yes i am not kidding, the heroic conclusion is that there’s still going to be a war, eldians are going to commit mass genocide (which was proposed by eren) and people straight up thank eren for the evil shit he did.

“this fight will not end until either eldia or the world dissapears. this is what eren said and he may be right.” she doesn’t say that it’s for sure gonna be a fight until one or the other is wiped out, she says there’s a possibility of this being the case because of the fact that these nations aren’t at complete peace yet.

not everyone is gonna be able to see the other side of things, and this applies to the whole word— us as humans will never be able to agree on one thing, and that’s what this shows. no matter what the cycle of hatred will always continue, and this applies to real life and this manga. we are human beings and that’s what makes what historia says even more real. “this is the world we live in, a world without titans.” titans are no longer their conflict. now it’s only like the real word— humans against humans, and as far as humanity existed it’s always been humans against humans. historia’s speech shows that.

the heroic conclusion is that as a human race nothing will always be agreed upon, eldians are going to fight if they need to like our military fights when they need to. people are thanking eren for freeing them and ending the curse of titans that they suffered with for 2000 years. nobody’s thanking him for his actions of mass genocide, they are thanking him for the motive behind his actions, and thats what makes him so heroic.

that he endured and did something so terrible so that anybody who lives after him can be free, and humanity can continue existing as humanity should’ve existed from the beginning.

and that concludes this for me, thanks for reading<3.

#attack on titan #snk 139 #aot spoilers #snk spoilers #aot 139

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sailingintothenight · 4 years

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“HAPPY.” T.H. Imagine.

Tom meets a little angel and you, her mom.

A/N: This is the second part of this imagine. Thank yooooou so much for the love you all gave to the first part. It means the world to me. Thank u♥ Hope you like this one as well. Feedback is always welcome!!!

Sitting on the cold floor of the elevator, the pain finds a way to sneak through the cracks in his heart.

Let's talk about love.

Some say it's best to keep our emotions on the sidelines, to draw a line and never cross it, never fall in love, because losing a loved one can drive you crazy, and the line between sanity and madness is as thin as a thread. Explaining a love like the one you had was like explaining the origin of the universe, too deep as the sadness of losing him, forever. In Tom's case, loving and not being loved is bad, but loving and not being able to be loved by your lover is even worse, because you know that no matter how much you cry or ask heaven why it took him away from you, there will be no answer from the other side, only the infinite emptiness within a cold and lifeless body. But it makes you feel, oh, yes, it burns you skin until you can no longer breath, like being on the edge of the abyss and falling, again and again and again.

That's how Tom feels right now.

"So... have you always lived in London?" His brown eyes hide the tears at the edge of his gaze, and at that moment, you wish you had not heard the anxiety in his voice, or been able to recognize it in his eyes, because life gave you the experience of recognizing the pain in the heart of others.

Because that pain came after losing someone, like you when you lost the great love of your life, with whom you were inseparable, becoming stronger regardless of the season. But the frozen blizzard of bad times had passed, melting into nothing more than lessons learned and old stories. Some say that you cannot run away from your past, only learn from it, so you did that, you took the lessons of the most painful moments and turned them into null feelings that you kept in a corner of your heart, managing to get out alive from that blizzard and get the prize as a winner. Although from time to time it is good to take a look at the past, open a door that you kept closed and search for those moments that you kept warm within yourself, remembering them with affection, and after that, put them back in the place where they belong.

"If I'm honest with you... I came to London to escape."

His curiosity awakens in his innocent gaze: Tom doesn't consider himself very smart, sadly, but the pieces of his mental puzzle fit together perfectly, creating a one single thought.

"From Marley's father?"

"What a subtle way to wonder if I'm taken." You say, and you chuckle, because his gaze is tender like that of a small child, like Marley's eyes when the world presents her with a new adventure, but then Tom's lips part as the coherent words have vanished from his mind. "Just relax. I'm kidding."

Tom laughs, relieved.

"Sorry, that was very personal."

"It's okay." You shrug and expertly, keep your emotions behind the line. "Marley's father was the best thing that ever happened to me, we had a story like those old love movies, but he left this world too soon."

Tom's heart is on fire, cutting his breath and closing his throat as a terrible fear trickles through his body.

“I think you are very brave, really. I don't… I don't think I can handle something like that.”

But you smiled sweetly, like the person who keeps a big secret.

"I can tell you that I had to be strong, and then I understood that I was." You tilt your head forward, and your cheek touches Marley's hair, which smells like chamomile. Tom can smell it on you and Marley, too: you both smelled like a childhood memory of his, somehow innocent, very different from what he felt being with Hanna. "I feel like you're the type of man who believes that all people act with good will, Tom, and although I'm sorry to tell you that not everyone acts like that, there are people who do: what I mean is that you shouldn't lose faith, because there will always be someone who deserves your love."

His name spills from your lips naturally, as simple as if you knew him, as if you had been good friends in another life. Tom knows, and feels it in his heart, that because of the confidence in your words and the way your gaze deepened when you look at Marley, you had survived because you had found someone to love without fear of being hurt. And if loving was like jumping off a cliff without knowing if we can fly, you had discovered that you had wings, because she had given them to you, because that is how we should feel a real love. But Tom bites his lips, pushing them into his mouth, and frowns with the weight of the pain he feels, because suddenly the memories of his life pass before his eyes like the saddest movie he has ever been a part of.

"And what if you're wrong? What if the person you thought was the right one turns out to be a bad person?"

Your lips part to speak, but the sound of the elevator coming back to life snatches the words from your mind, and the relief, returns to your soul and the body.

"Do you know what is the bad thing with not having Marley's father here?" You joke, but Tom is still waiting for an answer that gives him instructions on how to survive a deadly love. “That I don't have someone to hold Marley so I can stand up. And the truth is that my legs are numb.”

And then Tom does the weirdest thing, he smiles, he smiles and chuckles at a bad joke that should have made him even sadder but instead, makes him forget his sad thoughts.

"I can do it for you."

Tom places a knee on the ground and wraps his hands around Marley's body, taking her in his arms to place her against his chest, expertly, as if he had done it many times already. In dreams, and perhaps dreaming of a father she never knew, Marley recognizes the warmth of his body and clings to him, wrapping her little arms around his neck, hiding her face in the hollow of his neck. The image is like an example of what Noah would have been like with Marley, a painful thought that trickles down your memories as Tom reaches out his hand and helps you to your feet, so that finally the 3 of you can get out of the elevator to the parking lot in the basement.

"You know, Tom..." You say, breathing the cold air from a wide place, and empty at that time of night. "If you chose to love someone and you lost, it's sad, but you can't blame yourself for that because you didn't do anything wrong. Happiness is a choice, and I think happiness after sadness is a choice too."

For a moment, Tom feels his common sense slipping from his grasp, and it's almost impossible to control his emotions that overflow the edge of his wounded heart as it free-falls into sadness, hatred, and rancor, but at this very moment, he feels that it is as light as the breath he can take.

"Thank you." He says, and that word comes from the bottom of his heart.

"You're welcome." You respond shyly, because talking about feelings has always been your weak point. "Well... uh, I can take you home if you want."

Tom smiles, and again, his smile resembles that of a child who has no scars on his heart.

"That would be great. Thank you."

You nod once before leading the way to your black car not far from you, a gift from your older brother for your brave decision to move with him to a quiet London neighborhood. The key in your hand turns off the alarm and you open the back door for him, so Tom can leave Marley in the seat, so she can keep dreaming all the way back home.

"Would you mind if I sit with her behind?" Tom looks at you with his brown eyes, eyes like the color of autumn, innocent and sweet on a well-defined face and a well-worked body, a lethal combination. "I think Marley is too comfortable to let me go."

And she is, Marley sleeps peacefully against his chest, and that image is like a memory of something that never happened between her and her father. You mumble an okay, managing to make him smile before getting into the car with your daughter still in his arms. With the door closed, you walk around the car and enter the driver's seat, turnkey to turn it on and drive out of the hospital and into your new home. The weather is cold at that time of the year, but the heat of the car wraps you all in a warm hug as the London rain hits the window. Through the rearview mirror, you steal glances from Tom, who has his eyes on the landscape, with his hands around Marley's body, her big eyes are closed and hidden behind her long eyelashes, cheeks pink from the heat, her little body warm by Tom's jacket around her.

"So... do you live around?" His gaze returns to the front and makes you look away, back to the empty street.

"Uh, kind of... across the bridge, near Kensington Gardens."

"Great, me too." Tom smiles, and the feeling of living close to both of you squeezes his heart with happiness.

15 minutes later, you enter a quiet neighborhood with beautiful front gardens and lamp posts that shine above them in the solitude of a sleeping place.

"What other secret are you hiding from me?" He asks when you park the car in the third house, 4 houses away from his.

You laugh.

"I'll let you find out for yourself." Your gazes meet in the mirror, and your eyes smile before looking away, missing the moment when his eyes smiled back at you. You get out of the car to open the door for him, so Tom can leave Marley back in your arms and go home, but on your way to his side of the car, Tom is already outside, holding her back against his chest, his muscular arm at the height of her thighs to carry her as if she were his daughter. "I can carry her inside, Tom."

"Let me, I think even asleep, she doesn't want to let me go." Tom chuckles, and closes the door quietly so as not to interrupt her sweet dreams.

Confused, you follow him down the wooden path into the middle of a beautiful garden that your brother took over, to the wooden door that you open before you step aside and let him walk in. The lights come on and Tom blinks in the amber light, admiring the warmth of the place thanks to the hardwood floor and salmon-colored walls.

"Her room is upstairs." You say, and you close the door behind him so you two can go up the wooden stairs.

Austin's study had become Marley's new room: the desk and shelves full of books were off to the side, children's books added to them, a bed in the center, and a corner full of animals plush of all sizes. Tom walks in first, feeling the warmth of a girl's room and pulling himself away from her as he lays her down on the bed under the blanket, listening to her soft breathing that fills the silence of the place as he watches her sleep, his eyes full of peace, just like you when you saw Marley sleep when she was only one day old.

"Good night, angel." Tom whispers before walking away, giving you a peaceful look on his way to the door.

The room sinks into a slight darkness and you both walk down the second-floor hallway toward the staircase.

"You are very good with children, Tom." You smile. "You will be a good father someday."

"Thank you." Tom lets out a small laugh, shy but eagerly awaiting the day when he can call himself a father. "I hope I have a daughter as beautiful as Marley."

A crimson blush stains your cheeks when you arrive to the first floor.

"The future Mrs. Holland will be a lucky woman." You say honestly as you open the door for him, because from the bottom of your heart, you want a noble soul like him to get nothing but happiness, and never, never, have to cry for a love that would never return. "Thanks for being so sweet with Marley."

"I should thank her." Tom mutters, and his gaze travels behind you, towards the place where the little angel sleeps and finally, towards your eyes, the guardian of her dreams. "Thank you."

His gaze is deep, and he makes you tilt your head in confusion.

"For what?"

"For..." As easy as it is to think of the words Tom wants to say, saying them is difficult because of the lump in his throat. He wants to thank you for being the person you are, for being so kind to him, for being as bright as a star and for saving a part of his soul that night with the arms of the angel you created of the love you once felt for your lover. "Just... thanks for showing up in my life tonight, darling."

You smile, because the name he calls you by is loving, and because you know that Marley had somehow helped him heal his wounded heart.

"Good night, Tom."

"Good night, (y/n)."

------

@seapandora @hollandsdream @littlekidsteve @lyzalovealk @blueevelvt @the-endoftime

I tagged the people who commented on the first story, sorry if you didn't want to!

#tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfic #tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x single mom #tom holland fic

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vendeavendea · 4 years

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How Entrapta Has Become My All Time Favourite Autistic Representation in Media: Long Version

Just so you know what to expect, this is more of a very long and boring personal post and less of a character analysis. By "very long", I mean "very long". Also, half of it was written at night when I was supposed to be sleeping (like, right now), so some parts might not even make sense. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Just days before I started to watch She-Ra, I answered a question in a writer group where someone asked what are the do's and don'ts of writing an autistic character. I've been told a couple of times in my life that I can’t be autistic based on the fact that I'm not really interested in or good at science, so I think special interests of autistic people are something that definitely has to be presented better in media. So I advised this person to make their character have a special interest that's NOT related to science, technology, space or computers, because it's a very common misconception that people on the autism spectrum are always into these stuff, and there are so many autistic fictional characters based on this stereotype that I feel like we absolutely don't need any more.

And then I saw Entrapta.

I didn't know she's canonically autistic until a much later episode, but it didn't surprise me when I was told she is, because my autism radar went off like a hundred times while watching System Failure and all her other season 1 appearances (so did my ADHD radar, by the way, but as far as I know, this hasn't been confirmed by the creators, so it's just my headcanon). And she looked like the purple ponytails princess version of the autism stereotype that I didn’t want to see any more of. The genius who is into space and robots, knows nothing about human relationships and keeps driving everyone nuts with her long and impossible-to-follow scientific monologues. Also cute and funny, yeah, but still, as someone on the spectrum who is super artistic and has nothing to do with science stuff, my first reaction was "dang, not this shit again." Just for once in my life, I wanted to see an autistic representation that's not just that typical weird tech-lover but a character that's at least a tiny bit more like me. Seeing her only in her first episode, little did I know that Entrapta's character has an incredible depth and her whole arc was going to be hair-raisingly personal to me (I know I'm not funny, but pun intended).

First, let’s talk about robots, because we can't talk about Entrapta without talking about robots. Entrapta builds robots just for fun, because technology is her thing, but there's actually a lot more behind this. Starting from as early as her debute episode, we see through the whole series that she creates robots with different designs, abilities, personalities, very similar to real people, as a sort of substitute for the human (or whatever species) company she'd wish to have. She even gives them names. She programs them to like being around her, to understand her, something that she hasn't really experienced from real people, which is sad enough on its own, but even sadder if we consider that she actually has human staff working at her fortress. She pretty literally makes friends, and she does it with the help of her special interest. And this totally reminds me of my primary school years when I had zero real friends and used my special interest, which was writing fictional stories and creating worlds/universes/languages in my head, to make up imaginary characters that could be my "friends" so that I wouldn't be that lonely.

Then, her interactions with other characters, especially with Hordak. Entrapta consoling Hordak in Huntara is a very powerful scene to me, not only what she says, but also how she says it. When Hordak starts venting about how he is a failure and all, Entrapta's first immediate response is to provide a practical solution, to design an armor for him, and comforting him with words is only a secondary action. She's helping in her own way, with technology, because that's what she's the best at, but she also wants to make sure he understands that fixing imperfections isn't always the solution, embracing them is. I also love how it's hinted with the "loved" crystal that Entrapta's love language may be acts of service (and probably quality time as well), which is another thing we have in common. And there's another thing in that scene I found very relatable: that part when she stops consoling him and starts to talk about herself being a failure instead. In real life, most people would read that in a negative way. I've been in many situations where I've tried doing something similar to people who were venting to me, and normally, they're like "ew, I'm the one complaining now, stop making it about you." But Hordak's reaction is different, all he does is try to tell her she's not a failure before she shushes him, then he just listens. He understands what Entrapta means by saying all those things about herself isn't "hey, look, my life is also horrible, so I get to complain, too" but rather "I feel you, we're the same". For a person who thinks and acts as differently from average people as Entrapta does, connecting with someone through similar experiences and feelings is a huge thing, and this is so relatable to me that I cried like a baby while watching that scene. Also, kudos to Christine Woods for making Entrapta's monologue sound so factual and casual. It really gives the impression of someone who is fully aware of her own strengths and weaknesses and accepts herself as a whole with all her flaws. The way she lists all the things that make her feel like a failure right after saying "imperfection is beautiful" is just... wow. But seriously, this whole "imperfection is beautiful" thing in general is such a cliché that it's not even supposed to work on me, but hell it does, because it's so well-presented that it's actually one of the most powerful moments of the whole series. Entrapta giving me self-acceptance lessons is all I've ever needed in my life (Hordak probably agrees, lol).

Speaking of self-acceptance, I also love how Beast Island shows that it's a long and difficult process with its ups and downs instead of just a door you walk through once in your life and then stay on the other side forever. Even if I accept and love myself the way I am, it's still totally normal to have low points with thoughts like "I'm not suited for friendship" or "everyone leaves me behind". And it's very nice and uplifting to have someone's love and support when I'm in a bad mood with stuff like this on my mind, but personally, I often find it easier to deal with if I have something related to any of my special interests around that I can focus my thoughts on. My "we flew here on an ancient First Ones ship, do you wanna see it?" would be something like "do you wanna create some characters and then write the shit out of them?" and before this show I've never actually realised how neurodiverse it is to use a hobby or interest for self-care like this. The "definitely the ship" part called me out so hard, and I just adore how the writers were able put so much meaning into a single joke line.

Back to interactions, there's also something painfully relatable in the way the other princesses treat Entrapta. Even in the beginning in No Princess Left Behind, but mostly in season 4 and 5. In most cases, Entrapta is only considered to be worthy enough to not be left behind in situations when her skills are useful. Other characters "liking" her isn't really about herself as a person but her tech knowledge. Just like when you go to school and the only reason your classmates want to make friends with you is because you always do your homework and let others copy it, or you're good at explaining stuff and are willing to help people getting prepared for tests/exams. When I was in grammar school, my classmates ignored me or mocked me for liking animation and comics, but every now and then they did the bare minimum of treating me like a human being and expected me to do their arts homework in return, because I was the only one in my class who was good at arts. When I studied linguistics at the uni, I was really into phonology and historical linguistics, and those were the compulsory subjects most of the other students were struggling with, so many people wanted to hang out with me just to make sure they could get my notes before the exams. The same people kept calling me nerd and making fun of me behind my back. I also had a few genuine friends, which I'm grateful for, but I still know what it feels like to be needed only for a specific skill while not being noticed and respected as a person, and Launch portraits this experience in a very clever way. It's so amazing to see how the princesses realise who Entrapta really is and start to treat her as someone who just thinks differently instead of someone who's a deliberate bad person. They finally get to see that she's not just an unwary tech nerd, but also a determined, caring and loyal friend who gives others so much love in her own geeky way and deserves love, too. But I shouldn't even be surprised, I mean, we're talking about a show that teaches us "you worth more than what you can give to other people," and it's great how this message applies to other characters as well, not only to Adora. And the best part is that this whole conflict is not presented as something black and white, it's not like Entrapta is the poor misunderstood autistic person and the princesses are the evil allistic bad guys who mistreat her. It's simply a miscommunication between neurotypical and neurodivergent individuals, and while the other princesses get to understand that they hurt Entrapta by their actions and that they should be more respectful of her, Entrapta also realises that she's made mistakes and hurt people, becomes aware of her own bad habits and makes efforts to get rid of them in order to save Glimmer. Plus I also love the faint implication that most of the princesses never really, genuinely, 100% make friends with Entrapta even after this scene, because sometimes people just don't resonate with each other enough to become close friends, but they learn to accept her differences and treat her with respect, nonetheless. This episode is so full of realistic interactions and character development it blows my mind every time I rewatch it.

I could just go on and on about all those tiny relatable details such as "I've waited years for someone to ask me about my theories!" I think this was the line that first made me fall in love with Entrapta's character. I mean, if someone from the crew wrote this line, that means they might know the feeling, too, so I'm not the only dork who feels this way every time someone asks me a question about my hyperfixations. And it's just so reassuring. Entrapta has many lines of the kind, they're not even important plotwise, but still super relatable and validating.

Now that we're here, and I know that I probably should have said this at the beginning of the post, but I'm too lazy to rewrite the first paragraph accordingly, I'd like to note that these are all my own interpretations and reflections on Entrapta's character based on my own experiences. This whole thing is totally personal, and I don't want anyone to think that this is how Entrapta is supposed to be seen by the whole fandom. So yeah, that's pretty much it for now.

#She-Ra #She-Ra Reboot #SPOP #entrapta #autism #personal

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kitkat5192 · 4 years

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So many thoughts on the new episode! WARNING: TOH SPOILERS! If you haven’t seen the new episode, just skip over this post!

So, here are a few of my thoughts and questions on the new episode:

*What’s up with the mysterious book in the beginning of the episode with no author? Hmmm...

*Seeing angry Luz made me so sad because I hate to see my baby hurting, but I also kind of loved it

*Seeing Luz blame herself for Eda’s capture hurt my heart

*I have so many thoughts on Emperor Belos. At this point, I’m pretty much convinced that he is human. Firstly, characters behind masks usually have something to hide. Secondly, his staff is very different from Eda or Lilith’s. It has a more mechanical feel to it. I think that’s how he uses magic without having to use glyphs, along with the palismans he keeps eating, if my human theory is correct. I’m honestly not sure about any of this, but these are just some of my ideas. Also, I’m so curious about the blue eyes...

*When they were dragging Eda away, and all she cared about was Lilith making sure Luz was safe...excuse me while I go cry 😭

*I was not surprised at all when Emperor Belos wouldn’t heal Eda, but how did Lilith not see that coming? Belos doesn’t seem like the “keeping his promises” kind of guy

*I’m a little sad that Amity wasn’t in the episode more than she was. I get it, with the broken foot, but I was really hoping she’d be there to help Luz, even if it was just in the crowd with Willow and Gus

*I can’t begin to make you guys understand just how hard I laughed at the scene where Luz and King were standing on the grass next to the don’t step on the grass sign. It’s probably because I was watching the episode at 4 am, and was slightly delirious, but it was still one of my favorite scenes

*I absolutely loved seeing Luz’s power crawl, especially with the parallel of fighting the warden in the first and last episode. Seeing how she easily took out the warden and the other guards just goes to show how much her magic has grown

*I also love seeing how resourceful Luz has become with using the glyphs

*I can’t count how many times my heart broke in this episode. When Eda tried to send Luz back to the human world, and Luz looked so devastated...UGHHHH!

*TALK TO THE GLYPH, WITCH!

*Why could Lilith use her magic in the human world, but Luz couldn’t?

*I’m so happy that we got the full backstory of why Lilith cursed Eda. I still don’t think Lilith should be forgiven quite yet, after everything that she’s done, and I’m interested to see how season two will work with that

*I like how Luz didn’t exactly forgive Lilith, but knew that she needed Lilith to save Eda. It wasn’t until Lilith proved that she was at least trying to be a better person that Luz began to forgive her

*Can we just talk about Willow standing up in front of everyone and going against Emperor Belos? I loved seeing how much Willow has grown since Luz first met her. She has become so confident and so powerful and I love her so much. I’m also excited to see where this leads. No one was questioning Eda being petrified, other than a few comments, and I don’t think anyone was going to, until someone (in this case, Willow) stood up and pointed out what was wrong. I think this is just the beginning of a rebellion happening in season two, or at least the start of one

*I’ve seen some people complaining about how Luz seemed to be too powerful in this episode, especially when fighting Belos. I think there are a lot of reasons for that. There is no way that Belos was actually trying in his fight against Luz. In his mind, she is just a human child, and she’s not worth the effort. Also, not only has Luz become a lot stronger, she also had Eda’s staff, which, I believe, makes magic stronger and spells more powerful.

*Nicking a piece off of Belos’s mask was such a power move

*Why does Belos want the portal so badly? He was willing to let Luz go and let her save Eda, all so that he could get that portal. What’s so important about it? I don’t think it has anything to do with an invasion of the human world, since there doesn’t seem to be any magic there, so what does he want with it? Is there something, or someone there that’s hiding in the human world that he wants to get to? Is there something about the human world itself? It might also have something to do with the Titan, seeing as Belos said “The Titan will be pleased” when Luz gave him the portal. I’m so excited to see how that plays out next season

*Knowing that giving up the portal also means Luz potentially saying goodbye to her mom just makes it so much sadder. We all know that she’ll eventually find her way back, but Luz doesn’t, and why does Luz have to keep hurting like this?!

*Lilith sharing the curse with Eda and taking on the burden that she believes (and kind of does) deserve was such a good scene, and is one step in the right direction for Lilith and Eda trying to fix their relationship. I also love the idea of Luz teaching Eda, and maybe Lilith, how to use magic with the glyphs

*The small changes in Eda and Lilith’s design, with the two different colored eyes and the new streaks are great and I love them

*I had no idea who the mysterious person in the owl mask at the end of the episode could be until I saw someone else say that it might be one of Amity’s parents, and that would make so much sense if one of them takes over for Lilith. It would make it even harder for Amity if one day she had to choose between the Emperor’s Coven or her new found family

Overall, I loved this episode, and I think it ended the season perfectly. Yes, there were some things that seemed a little fast paced for me. I would have liked to see a longer fight between Luz and Belos, or maybe a longer episode would have worked, but that’s not super important. I’m so excited for season two, and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for us, with both the development of the characters and their relationships (especially lumity) and the overarching plot. Sorry that this post was so long. I have a lot of thoughts

If anyone has other ideas or different theories they’d like to share, I would love to discuss them 😄

#the owl house #eda the owl lady #luz noceda #season finale #luz #amity blight #toh spoilers #toh theory #toh lilith #toh willow #so many thoughts #lumity

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thelastofgala · 4 years

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I started The Last of Us, Pt. 2 last night, and here are my first impressions, musings on parallelism, Naturalism, Ellie’s characterization, Joel’s characterization, the “presence” of Riley, gameplay, story development, and more:

***SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT***

Starting with Joel. I always imagined The Last of Us 2 would begin at the end of Joel’s journey, though I will say that I did not expect to pick up so close to the end of the first game. I thought they would start us somewhere COMPLETELY out of context. Like I was prepared for much deeper flashback. In this way, I really felt like I was playing a sequel, which is not a bad thing. I just had no idea how they were going to frame this. The compelling thing about starting with Joel is that it immediately sets up parallels between Joel and Sarah, the character we start with in The Last of Us. There’s no way this was not a pointed decision. Just like it was with Sarah, Joel is our point of reference in a new, strange world. His point of view in this new world is all that we know. We don’t know what the new special world contains, and we don’t know grown-up Ellie at all. Plus, old fans will have missed him. It is a comfort to be Joel, and like a daughter protected by her father, a false and short-lived comfort. We are also now thinking of Joel as, like Sarah, someone who is in danger, whose agency is compromised, who, for whatever reason, is weakened this time around, and who may not survive the story.

I will say, too, that I really loved that after the 4-years-later cut, Joel is held off-screen. He and Tommy are out on a patrol. They are out there, in danger, and that sort of restraint is really effective. We are ALWAYS looking for Joel, just like we were in the run-up to the release, because he is the only person we truly know in this strange, new world. ND knows and takes advantage of this.

There are many parallels between Joel and Riley. Both Joel and Riley sneak up on Ellie during their first interaction. They’re even wearing similar colors. Both Joel and Riley lied to Ellie in the previous story, and both betrayed her as an act of self-preservation. In Left Behind, Ellie is somewhat chilly toward Riley in the beginning, even as her younger, more optimistic self, just as Ellie is chilly toward Joel in the beginning of The Last of Us 2. Still, you can tell through Ellie’s dialogue with Dina that she and Joel are knitted together—he defended her against the bigoted bartender, and she appreciates this even if she doesn’t outright say it. They share taste in movies and have plans to watch a movie together soon. I haven’t interacted with Joel in the current timeline, but I do know that in Left Behind, Riley has to earn back Ellie’s trust and take measures to reenter her good graces, and that this is a large part of their relationship arc. I also know that, by the time they reconcile, it proves to be too late. The world will not let them have what they want, and nothing is simple. All of these parallels worry me a lot, as Left Behind, while still driven by a strong undercurrent of love (it is a love story, interwoven with Ellie’s desperate search for medical supplies in a bid to save Joel’s life), is a much bleaker, sadder story than The Last of Us, and it has a tragic ending.

Joel's conversation with Tommy feels important. I was very glad to hear Tommy say that he would have made the same choice, in terms of saving Ellie or letting her die for the possibility of a cure. It shows that Tommy is more like Joel than perhaps we knew. Plus, Maria will have taught him something about love and commitment, as the notion of saving the one you love above all else should make more sense to him now that he has foregone the youthful idealism of the Fireflies in order to focus on the practical wisdom of family. As a parent, I understand Joel’s decision to save Ellie at the end of The Last of Us and know I would have done the same. I also understand why Joel lied, even though I think it was the wrong choice. Hearing him confide all of this in Tommy was cathartic. It was also very characteristic of Joel to respond that Ellie “didn’t say nothing otherwise” when Tommy asks if she believed him. In all of his denial, Joel chooses to believe what is conveniently in front of him, even if he knows it’s untrue. Also, I couldn’t tell, but was that a Firefly logo on that guitar he’s shining up? Maybe I hallucinated that. But if it is, I do wonder where he got it.

Ellie’s character is much more deadpan and ruminative in young adulthood. She seems tired, and a little lacking in self-esteem and sort of immediately defeated by what happened during the experience with Joel. When Joel sang, we could see her return to that place, just a glimmer, and her response—that it “didn’t suck”—shows how she still shields her heart with sarcasm, something Dina points out to her later on (“Did I ruin your punchline?”). Joel has been broken down by the events of The Last of Us and now bears his soul to her with his music, unabashed and dedicated to her, and Ellie is now the stoic one, unshakable, sealed inside a heavy, protective armor that seems impossible to pierce. I look forward to getting to know Ellie as a young adult and, ultimately, crying a lot. She is artistic and honest and still a little soft underneath. You can tell by her early interactions with Dina especially that she can still blush, and she can still come undone.

I love the snowball fight lol. I am always so frustrated when these big environment games, like Red Dead 2, Dragon Age, etc., don’t have any kids running around. Why don’t these stories pay attention to kids? Kids exist. They are an important part of almost any open world or quasi open world environment. I love the presence of kids in The Last of Us 2, because the loss of childhood innocence is an important theme for Ellie as a character. It’s also clear we’re trying to set up the edenic innocence of Jackson. It is childhood, in a way, and just like childhood, it will come to inevitable corruption. The scene, too, reminded me of Ellie and Riley on their teen dream adventure, romping through the Halloween store at the mall, trying on masks and talking to the magic eight ball.

I’m really pleased by all the parallels with Left Behind and Ellie’s portion of the journey in The Last of Us. Winter was her season, and that’s where we’re starting now. The horseback riding, the blizzard, and all the blood in the snow bring flashbacks of Ellie hunting on the woods, Ellie alone in the frozen mall, David, and the Lakeside Resort, all of which layer the current moment with a lot of emotional tension for the player.

The opening is, I think, sprawling. I’m having fun but there’s this sense that I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface of the story. Like Joel in the first game, Ellie is also big-timing me a little and I feel far away from her. I know this will change soon, and I’ll warm up to her, but for now, like Joel, we’re all being held at arm’s length. I actually like the POV shifts we’ve gotten so far and the multiple POVs is something I predicted a while ago, based on ND’s tendencies in the first game. Ppl are going to give The Last of Us 2 shit for being too cinematic but tbh it sometimes feels more like a playable novel than a traditional video game. We’re on a cable car headed straight into disaster and there’s nothing we can do. In this way the game is using the medium itself to perpetuate its Naturalistic themes. We play and we play, and we fight and we fight, but the environment entertains no interest in our struggle and the outcome will always be the same. There is no free will in The Last of Us.

On that note, the gameplay so far is, I think, pretty fun. I have played a lot of stealth games and am always looking for ways the genre is reinventing itself. Like Sekiro and Tomb Raider, The Last of Us 2 is increasing the verticality of the map with rope climbing and scaling up obstacles (though I do miss using Joel’s immense upper body strength to move those dumpsters around lol). In a stealth game I want creativity and problem solving to be central to the gameplay. I don’t want to be magically handed tools and weapons on a constant basis, to meet every individual need. I want to be forced into resourcefulness, and I don’t want to enter a shoot-out unless I absolutely have to. That said, I’m nearly to the tower checkpoint with Dina, and I’ve only fired my gun twice. The dodge/melee mechanic is neat, but more than anything, having real, actionable help from an AI enables stealth kills even in zones crawling with enemies. On that note, I am playing with a headset, and I’m glad I am, because I find the sounds of the goddam clickers to be all-encompassing this time around and a LOT bigger and scarier than they were in The Last of Us. Holy shit. They’re absolutely terrifying. I can only imagine the horror to come lol.

Now, finally, Abby: I don’t have much to offer on this yet. Abby is not who I thought she’d be. I’ll just say it. Still, the melee battle with her and the runners in the woods was AWESOME. For me, the most fun I’ve had yet, because it was completely different than anything from The Last of Us. Playing her, however, I will say, filled me with foreboding. I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to help her. She seems beyond desperate and while deeply sympathetic, she is a new character and her loyalties are not mine...so far. I could be very wrong, and please don’t correct me if I am, but I get the sense she might be a Firefly, or somehow associated with Marlene, and she is looking for Joel, in vengeance. Her group was small and rogue, and they seemed new to the area. All I know is that ND is creating a moral dilemma here, and as to what will become of this, the jury is still out completely.

One small personal criticism, take it or leave it: I don’t personally love that the kiss with Dina and scene with Joel defending Ellie was kept off-stage in the game and left to the trailer. We could have started at the dance. That would have taught us everything we need to know about Ellie, Dina, Jesse, and Joel and Ellie’s relationship state. This is my only criticism of the story so far. From a writer’s perspective, it’s just inefficient and clumsy to try and cover all that in expositional dialogue, taking into consideration that many casual players will not have seen all the trailers. Even still, it’s not hurting my experience in any way. Just an observation and maybe a bit of personal opinion on the fact that perhaps the choice to reveal so much scene in pre-release trailers might be a great way to build hype but might not be the most efficient choice in telling the actual story. My two cents!

In the end, I’m overall super excited and can’t wait to keep playing. These are just my own personal thoughts, and I’ll be back with more thoughts soon!! PLEASE NO SPOILERS OR SPOILERY SUGGESTIONS IN THE REPLIES!! I am NOT privy to the leaks and I do NOT want to know what’s coming. Thank you!! ^_^

#tlou2 #The Last of Us 2 #tlou2 spoilers #the last of us 2 spoilers #the last of us part 2 #gala's thoughts

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prosopopeya · 3 years

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New Year’s Meme

this survey has been a tradition among my friend group for YEARS, but i haven’t filled it out since 2015 apparently. i’m not entirely sure why except 2016 was the year a lot of stuff changed for me, namely in that i finally got out of school in some form and started a new job, but i also had a few health problems that kept plaguing me (thyroid medicine being off, vitamin d) and my anxiety was all over the place. so here we go i’m doing it again and feel free to do it too if you want!!

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? tried on wedding dresses. taught virtually. dealt (poorly) with drunk teenagers. performed in a pep rally. wore face masks all the time. i’m going to lump in living with someone. jon moved in october 2019, but i don’t think i did this quiz last year so. taught ap.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? i don’t really like resolutions. they put too much pressure on me and i am a fragile person when it comes to setting expectations and living up to them. i did want to try to read more this year, and i maintained that until the pandemic, and then just kind of gave up requiring myself to do anything but live.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? i don’t think so. a coworker did.

4. Did anyone close to you die? jon’s cousin committed suicide in march or april. the circumstances were pretty upsetting. um. andy died in february, very suddenly. andy was my high school boyfriend for four years with whom i had a very... he scarred me in a lot of ways when it comes to sex and consent. it’s taken me a long time to unpack all of that. and i struggle with how much any of that was his fault or just bc he was a stupid kid too. our mutual friends had nothing but nice things to say about him on fb. anyway. he would guilt me into saying he’d kill himself if we broke up, and jon’s cousin killed himself over his girlfriend. so that was a complex part of the year.

5. What countries did you visit? none. literally the week before the quarantine, we went to asheville to visit jon’s cousin.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? maybe a different job? or at least some peace at doing mine.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? march 13 we cancelled classes and had a technology training day; the 15th we had another one, and then we were virtual the rest of the term. it was such a sudden shift and while i so loved working from home tbh, it was such a relief after a supremely shitty january/february work-wise, i still had a lot of keyed-up, stressful days centered around transitioning to being the senior upper school spanish teacher. i hate it!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? writing 50k in the month of november. i have literally never done that before and actively reject nano as being typically unhealthy for how my mind works, so it was nice to do it entirely by accident.

9. What was your biggest failure? mishandling the drunken teenagers on that field trip in january.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? i sit crosslegged in my virtual teaching chair and i did it so much that my ankle hurt for the entire summer.

11. What was the best thing you bought? we put a deposit on our elopement in ireland. jon’s wedding ring. (i didn’t buy my wedding dress.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my best friend at work who keeps me sane and is represented by benny in my au, which other than the fact that he is not my sidepiece, is perfect he is crucial to my survival at work and i love him so much. (also he is gay and the french teacher so the benny parallels just keep coming). everyone who tore down a statue in virginia (and other places, but especially monument avenue). everyone putting their lives on the line during this pandemic.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? guess! but aside from all the obvious, i found out a friend of mine at work voted for trump. my work bff and i had been trying for years to sway his politics, but that had us both deciding to give up on him.

14. Where did most of your money go? food, ALCOHOL. god., our savings account. i did a pretty excellent job saving this year, though a good deal of that is because jon moved in and makes more money than me, and also we split all the bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my wedding dress but strangely only when i went to try it on after it came in bc after the purchase i was so sure i’d made every mistake possible. my wedding band. wellbutrin changing my whole life. and, last but certainly not least, the gay angel and the bi(lingual) hunter. i wouldn’t have survived nov-dec in school without that distraction. the election.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? the entirety of taylor swift’s oeuvre this year, maybe specifically “this is me trying”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. Happier or sadder? happier, i suppose, perhaps contrary to what should be the case, but wellbutrin is a hell of a drug. ii. Older or wiser? wiser. ii. Richer or poorer? richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? reading. cleaning. exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? stressing. chaperoning.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? so, an update; last year was the first year i didn’t go to my mom’s for christmas. i was supposed to see her for thanksgiving last year, but she basically told us not to come bc she wasn’t feeling up to it (cool!), and we went to jon’s for christmas and my mom’s for new year’s.

this year, obviously we couldn’t go to my mom’s. instead, we rented a little cabin by the lake. it was perfect; it was really really nice inside, the beds were SO SOFT, the pillows were the best things i have ever laid my head on, like i took off the pillowcases to try to find the brand. we had a little tiny christmas tree with tiny ornaments from walmart that we decorated. the 23rd, we went and picked up our wedding bands. we slept two nights in the (cold) back bedroom so i could wake up and look out at the lake. it snowed for christmas. :)

we opened presents on christmas eve, per jon’s family’s tradition. on christmas eve, we also went to his family farm and sat outside and hung out a little. every year his family does like a secret santa sort of thing and i got my first present in that exchange, which is notable bc jon and i are not yet officially married. i got a remote control car -- jon’s idea bc i couldn’t think of anything, and he was so delighted to hear that i loved playing with rc cars when we went to the beach as a kid.

christmas morning we facetimed my parents and opened some presents together. then jon and i marathoned mandalorian (after spending the previous few days watching several die hard movies), and then we watched wonder woman 1984 which was a bad movie.

21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? ok LAST year for new year’s, we were in a hotel room, so that was nice, bc it meant minimal stress with my parents. i had always wanted to go to this restaurant near us that has a special new year’s menu, so we did that. the night before or after i think we went to cheesecake factory, which was also amazing.

this year currently i’m tumbling and he’s playing pokemon, and in a bit we’ll try to time it so we finish schitt’s creek in time for the new year.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? i re-fell in love with supernatural so that was nice.

23. How many one-night stands? 0. i submit we should randomly change question 23 each year to something more relevant to any of our life experiences.

24. What was your favorite TV program? what did i even watch this year. schitt’s creek. mandalorian. i mean obviously we know supernatural. the circle. are you the one (the queer season). pose. unsolved mysteries. we’re here! perry mason. watchmen. oh maybe that mcdonald’s monopoly fraud documentary. avenue 5. i’ll be gone in the dark. of those i think my favorite maybe is... pose or we’re here.

OKAY UM. on my 2014 version of this there were a bunch of questions about tv shows that i’m putting back in if only for the memories:

25. Which TV shows did you start watching in 2020? the haunting of bly manor, which we still need to finish. derry girls.

26. Which TV shows did you let go of in 2020? HERE’S WHY I WANTED TO RESURRECT THESE. here was my answer in 2015: “supernatural. goodbye, my sweet prince.” CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE

27. Which TV shows did you mean to get into but didn’t in 2020? Why? so far, queen’s gambit and that one on hulu with catherine the great. EVENTUALLY. 28. Which TV shows do you intend on checking out in 2020? fleabag. queen’s gambit. 29. Which TV show do you think you might let go of in 2020 unless things significantly improve? idk i drop things pretty regularly if they don’t entertain me 30. Which TV show impressed you least in 2020? GUYS HERE’S MY ORIGINAL 2015 ANSWER: “supernatural. :(”

anyway back to the rest of the quiz:

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? every person who refuses to listen to facts and information.

26. What was the best book you read? killers of the flower moon: the osage murders and the birth of the fbi, or the his dark materials series.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? well i knew about tswift so i’m not going to count her albums. i will count this song that jon played for me once in the car that got stuck in my head for two weeks straight and led me down into a great related-songs spotify playlist: through the roof ‘n underground.

28. What did you want and get? a wedding dress and a very specific kind of wedding band. a gay angel. a christmas getaway. animal crossing.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? idk i don’t know how many films i saw this year. maybe mucho mucho amor: the legend of walter mercado

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i was 32. we went to an escape room with a BUNCH of people -- work bff, my old work bff and his wife (old bc he quit and we’ve fallen out of touch :(), the cool new physics teacher and his fiancee, and the aforementioned trump voter and his wife, before we knew... we went out for brunch/lunch after. it was pretty great!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? not having to chaperone that school trip in january. dean being bi in english as well as spanish. cas just ilke, appearing in 15x20. not having to physically go back to work this fall.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? no! real! pants!

34. What kept you sane? jon. supernatural (in a way?). animal crossing for a while. wellbutrin! i haven’t really been able to detail this yet, but finally i did something about tumblr and my therapist making me think about adhd. my doctor gave me wellbutrin (bc i lack any official diagnosis and was on anxiety meds anyway, and he was like let’s try this!) and it’s fucking. it’s a fucking godsend. surprisingly enough, my students. trying to provide them a safe space has been a calming thing for me.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? jensen ackles’ silence. misha collins again, i guess.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? the summer was so fucking intense. i guess though it was me trying to exert my influence in a responsible way with my students without trying to try to make them feel uncomfortable but then one kid was a vocally upset trump supporter after the election and i had to try to defuse that situation.

37. Who did you miss? my old work bff. several old friends that i’ve fallen out of touch with bc i have no object permanence.

38. Who was the best new person you met? people i met through the spn resurgence!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: if you manifest it in an au, it will come. no really though. maybe that expectations are only as important as i make them out to be.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: usually i have a hard time coming up with anything for this and i default to looking at my most played songs of the year. my most played song of the year received each and every one of its plays within the month of november and you can guess why. anyway see if this works

I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Take me back to the night we met - the night we met, lord huron

#happy new year #annual meme

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aceofnope-blog · 3 years

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The Twist and Shout Experience

So I finally finished bingeing all 15 seasons of Supernatural since catching a few eps on a flight (back when flights were a thing). Yes, it took me a while to get through Season 8 okay? Naturally, I got immersed in the fandom and so it was only a matter of time before I came across Twist and Shout. Basically, what I came to learn about it is that it would be utterly devastating to read. That the authors create this beautiful world just to tear it apart systematically in front of you while you cry. And every time you think it can’t get worse, it just does. I’m the person who cried for several hours after the betrayal that was the SPN finale, so I was more than a little concerned for my mental health after hearing this. So my nerdy ass decided to keep a chapter-by-chapter log of my thoughts and feelings to monitor how things progressed...

Chapter 1 - I’m realising that this isn’t my favourite time period to read about but so far it’s cute and sweet. There’s some drama to start reeling you in, and every time someone says “It’s going to be fine” I feel a little on edge, like... is it really? I told myself I’d only read one chapter a day to try to limit the damage, but after distracting myself for hours, I caved and started Chapter 2 around midnight... I was compelled to keep reading after only one chapter... this does not bode well Chapter 2 - Okay they are way too cute and I’m 100% fully invested now. That was fast. I’m scared... Chapter 3 - Once again they’re throwing in a lot of lines like “nothing bad’s gonna happen” and I’m SUSPICIOUS AF Is it too early for things to go wrong? I’m very attached, and too invested. Chapter 4 - This one was too cute and I could just tell these scenes were gonna come back to bite me. The foreshadowing started to get much more obvious in this one. I started writing down ideas for how I could destroy my on fics to distract me from what I was scared was coming. Chapter 5 - That escalated quickly. This was the closest I’ve come to crying over spilt milk. It was a well-written chapter.

Chapter 6 - Half way mark! A sad, harsh, but... good chapter. It’s starting to have psychological twists and it’s really making me speculate about how this is gonna play out.

Chapter 7 - I wonder how many times they’re gonna lie to me (and each other) with the “It’s gonna be fine” bs...? This chapter was predictable and it made me angry at the characters being stupid, rather than sad. I caught myself starting to forget that this isn’t gonna have a happy ending... I keep hoping things will work out...

Chapter 8 - Ok this one was harder, sadder. A little predictable still but I’m definitely feeling the feels now.

Chapter 9 - OKKKKKK we are getting into the serious stuff. This is getting interesting. Tears are very near...

Chapter 10 - Yeaaahhh this is a lot of sad.

Chapter 11 - OK I’m ugly crying now. The dog I’m petsitting is very concerned. (Yes, he’s a good boy)

Chapter 12 - Well, it wasn’t horrendous. It was sad overall, but kinda a good sad? I definitely won’t have a problem going to the beach or listening to Elvis, like some people have reported xD Is it weird that I’m a little disappointed that it didn’t destroy me more? If you’re looking for something that will truly rip your heart out and leave you broken for days, I highly recommend Clannad, and Clannad: After Story (yeah you have to watch both).

#twist and shout #Destiel #fanfic #review

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local-femme-gentleman · 4 years

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10 things I’ve watched in the quarantine (so far)

1. Dazed and Confused 1993 ‧ Comedy/Indie film ‧ 1h 43m

So, I kicked off the apocalypse lockdown with Dazed and Confused - and yes, even though the movie made me realise I was going to have to survive literal months without my usual amount of marijuana consumption, it also filed me with that warped sense of nostalgia and longing for a bygone era that Dazed and Confused always leaves me with - especially a deep yearning for seventies music because the soundtrack of this movie may be one of its best aspects. It is equal parts kinda stupid, ridiculously fun, and wholly introspective, and at the end of the day I love this movie for helping me see what my boomer parents - and their whole generation - were like as teenagers more than anything else.

2. 2001: A Space Odyssey 1968 ‧ Sci-fi/Adventure ‧ 2h 44m

2001: A Space Odyssey has since its release become an absolute classic, and I for one adore it to absolute death. This was one of the first ‘adult’ movies I watched, I was 11 years old at the time - and although I didn’t understand it then, and frankly got a little bored, revisiting it now (after having rewatched it many many many times, and as a slightly older, well, kid) I’ve come to absolutely love it. I personally was looking for some slightly longer movies for the lockdown - considering I have more than enough time, and if you are too then this one may be just what you’re looking for - even if you’ve seen it already. There’s always more to discover in a movie like this one.

3. Okja 2017 ‧ Adventure/Drama ‧ 2 hours

Of all the movies on this list this may be the one I recommend the least. Not because it’s a bad movie, because it honestly and truly isn’t ( Bong Joon Ho still definitely came through for this one), however, this movie is, in my opinion, far too heartbreaking for this exact moment in time. If it was any other period in history I would be overwhelmingly promoting this movie, because I honestly and truly loved it - but it made me want to give up meat in a period of time where I simply do not have the resources for that to be an option. So if you’re down with your day just getting a little bit sadder, albeit in a not entirely bad way, I’d say watch Okja - if not, then I’d say, just for now, maybe stay away.

4. Spirited Away 2001 ‧ Animation/Fantasy ‧ 2h 5m

Okay, I love this movie, my parents love this movie, your parents love this movie, your sister loves this movie, your best friend loves this movie, you’re-cousin’s-nephew’s-dog’s-best-friend’s-owner loves this movie - and, if you don’t love this movie, well, each to their own but you’re kind of a monster. Spirited Away is one of those universally agreed upon masterpieces, everything about this movie just makes you feel good, from the colours, to the world, to the characters, to the animation. Spirited Away wraps you up in a blanket of all things warm and comforting in this world - if you’re looking to just feel better, which given current situations you probably are, this is the one for you.

5. Before Sunrise 1995 ‧ Romance/Drama ‧ 1h 45m

I’ve always loved this trilogy, yes, it may be one of the most teenage girl things to ever exist, the ultimate teenage girl fantasy, but what’s wrong with that? Before Sunrise, at every watch and rewatch, makes me want to meet a stranger on a train and just wander somewhere in europe for a single night. I’m fairly sure this will never happen, but this is the perfect time for daydreaming and so I will. Honestly, this movie truly is good, the amount of angles explored in Jesse and Celine’s still forming relationship over a single night is fascinating and it’s a very pretty film. If you’re just looking for something light and easy to watch - that gets you just the right amount of emotional, this is the one for you.

6. The Royal Tenenbaums 2001 ‧ Drama/Comedy-drama ‧ 1h 50m

Oh so you thought I’d go one recommendations video without mentioning Wes? Ha. Okay look, The Royal Tenenbaums is probably my fifth favorite Wes movie, but considering I love basically every Wes Anderson movie that isn’t not saying much. The Tenenbaum siblings stand as some of my favorite Wes Anderson characters and I love Angelica Houston no matter who she plays. The Royal Tenenbaums is just a good Wes Anderson film, and you get exactly what you’d want and expect from it - whip pans, impeccable wardrobes, symmetrical shots, a Wilson Brother, a sugary colour pallette, the futura font, and rich white people, well, being rich white people

7. American Vandal 2017 ‧ Satire ‧ 2 seasons

Ok I’ll say it, this is the perfect quarantine show. It’s completely stupid in the smartest way possible, absurdly funny, and overall one of the best shows netflix has ever produced. If you’re looking for a laugh, and I know I was when I clicked on this, then this is the one for you. American Vandal is satire at its peak - and I can officially say that both seasons hold up at a third rewatch, because yes, I’ve watched this entire show three times over. If you like true-crime series, or The Office and Parks and Rec (and yes I see the disparity in genre) then you will absolutely adore American vandal - and the fact that this show didn’t get a third season is a whole tragedy. Shame on you Netflix, shame on you.

8. Marriage Story 2019 ‧ Comedy-drama/Drama ‧ 2h 17m

Again, considering current times Marriage Story may have not been the best choice, but hey, I love this movie, and as sad as it makes me, it also makes me incredibly happy in a bittersweet sort of way. The good thing about marriage story is that it’s one of those films you truly get lost in, when I watched it just a few days ago, I truly and honestly, for just those few moments, forgot about everything going on right now, and - i say this at a risk of sounding selfish, I know - it felt good. Marriage Story is by far one of my favorite movies of last year, the writing is gorgeous, the editing is genius, and although the movie isn’t intrinsically happy in nature, it may just be what you need right now.

9. Every John Mulaney Special New in Town ‧ The Comeback Kid ‧ Kid Gorgeous ‧ etc.

So I, in true Gen-Z fashion, have watched every John Mulaney Comedy Special many many times. I love these specials, they truly mean quite a bit to me. I like playing these in the back while I do other things like cleaning my room or cooking. I think I watched him so much that his voice has become almost comforting - I may have formed a bit of an attachment. Chances are you’ve probably seen at least one John Mulaney Special, if you’ve only seen one watch the rest! And if you’ve seen the all then rewatch like I did! For me, this is the perfect time to just watch some good standup, so even if it isn’t John, just watch a comedian who makes you happy - trust me, it’ll help.

10. Tangled 2010 ‧ Animation/Musical ‧ 1h 40m

Ok so honestly my friends put this on together on Netflix Party to watch that first song and get some self-quarantine ideas - but then we just watched the whole movie so, yeah. I do love Tangled though, it was one of my favourite Disney movies as a kid, granted I’ve always been more of a Pixar girl (speaking of which this is the best time to binge on Pixar movies!!!!). Honestly, this is just a solid disney movie, it’s cute, it’s adorably animated, I properly adore Pascal and Maximus because no matter how old I get I will always adore a fun animal sidekick. Honestly, now is just a good time to watch a good disney movie, I had fun with this movie okay, no lie it was great.

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soveryanon · 5 years

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Reviewing time for MAG135 /o/

- Fun fact! The verb “extinguish” has appeared as a word in all three of the Daedalus statements, in relation to the three different powers involved:

(MAG057, Carter Chilcott) “There’s nothing, nothing but empty, uncaring void lacing dead worlds and dead stars all-together like a tapestry of lonely meaninglessness. Humans have existed for the smallest sliver of a fraction of a moment in the existence of the universe, and we will be extinguished just as quickly. And when we are at last gone forever, into the quiet emptiness of death, there will be nothing left but the cold universe. And nothing shall mark our passing because there is nothing to do so.”

(MAG106, Jan Kilbride) “Most people can’t even properly appreciate the size of our own planet, seeing it only in crudely rendered diagrams or maps; but compared to us… the planet is immense. More than large enough for the swell of humanity to grow and… ultimately extinguish itself. [SCOFF] Yet compared to the wider universe… it isn’t even a noticeable speck.”

(MAG135) ELIAS: I don’t know the details. Ny-Ålesund is a stronghold of The Dark, meaning I can’t see inside. I… believe they call it “The Extinguished Sun”, though that’s as much as I know.

- I love how The Dark still feels like… that one fear which should be super stereotypical (Cult Of Darkness.) and yet always manages to get under your skin anyway, and is that one thing that we’re apparently never managing to get rid of. Julia and Trevor butchered Darvish in Summer 2010? No problem. Things happened in March-to-May 2015 at the Hither Green Dissenters Chapel, apparently derailing or temporarily neutralising The Dark’s activities? Ahaha, we’ll manage. Maxwell Rayner was killed by Section 31 officers on Elias’s Personal Tip in February 2017? IT’S FINE. WE CAN STILL DO SOMETHING. I had Questions about how The Dark was connected with Gertrude’s death, I’m delighted that we’ll be digging into their activities again, since Jon isn’t sure what happened – isn’t even sure whether Gertrude had managed to neutralise them! I wonder if the matter of March/May 2015 as the date of Gertrude’s death will be explained, or if I should finally put that to rest as a simple mistake.

… Interestingly, following the pattern of solar eclipses: the total solar eclipse over Ny-Ålesund that Basira had pinned down actually took place on 20th March 2015, which is… neither when Mark Bilham went into the Hither Green Dissenters Chapel (March 11th), neither when Gertrude officially died (March 15th or May 15th), but is around the time she should have died according to Oliver’s dreams. In real life, the next solar eclipse (partial) in Ny-Ålesund happened on August 11th 2018, so that could be the planned date for the upcoming half-baked new ritual attempt indeed… but the date is a bit weird for the overall pacing of season 4. We’re in… beginning of April? 2018, and usually getting a statement a week (more or less). So that doesn’t easily coincide with a midseason finale, nor with the season finale? Unless Team Archive hurries to get to Svalbard very soon, in the hope of neutralising The Dark before August 2018. (Funny bit: there was a partial solar eclipse in South America on February 15th 2018… the day Oliver visited Jon and he woke up from his “coma”.)

I have no idea: there are so many things to keep track of, currently (Peter’s own plans? The Extinction’s threat? Elias’s intentions regarding The Watcher’s Crown? The Web’s schemes and intentions for Jon? Now, The Dark’s activities?) – I… do like that it indeed gives us a feeling that, outside of pure narrative… all the Fears have their own agenda, they’re not just queuing up for the Archives team to take care of them? They’re not dependant on them, they carry on Doing Their Things and bringing their own terrors? And it’s… very bittersweet to think that it will probably always be like this.

- I’m so mad about the fact that Manuela’s story makes… so much sense with how Jan had described her:

(MAG106, Jan Kilbride) “Manuela Dominguez was quite a big name in certain areas of the physics community. Or at least she had been; I hadn’t heard of any work she’d done for a good few years and, as I said I’m more on the engineering side of things so… it wasn’t really something I kept up with in detail. While she was happy to talk, Manuela apparently didn’t like to discuss her professional life on Earth, or the specifics of the research she was doing on the Daedalus. Like Chilcott, her research was kept entirely separate from mine, and while we spent plenty of time together, I never did figure out exactly what it was. Something to do with lasers, I think.”

I never ever thought for one second that it might have been “it’s because she’s part of the cult, Cass, and has been for the past years” aND YET IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE AND SEEMS SO OBVIOUS IN RETROSPECT… I’m so mad, I love this series and it keeps making me feel like a Fool. (But with love. Cackling at my face, but with love.) Another thing that gets a bit… “funny” in retrospect:

(MAG106, Jan Kilbride) “It was the sense of a presence, of there being something out there… something that wasn’t the Earth, and it was getting closer… When it started, I tried to talk to Manuela about it, but she seemed to think I was talking about aliens and quickly changed the subject. […] And that cry came again; so loud, and long, and deep that I couldn’t not be the sound of a living thing – so vast and so ancient that thinking about it made me weep. And I screamed in turn. My hands touched the rail at the exact moment that Manuela came to check on me. I was moving again. She asked if I was alright, though she… clearly had no interest in the answer. She said she’d felt the station shake, bu–ut when I pressed, she… claimed she hadn’t heard anything. Her eyes were red and I noticed for the first time that the tips of her fingers were burned. I… don’t know why I asked her, really. I knew then that she hadn’t heard it – that she would never hear it. And I felt completely alone. I remember I almost envied Chilcott, because at least he had known what he was signing up for.”

…………………… She probably assumed that Jan had heard her “battery” screaming, uh, hence the quick denial.

- WHY DO WE KEEP GETTING OPPORTUNITIES TO GET SAD ABOUT JAN KILBRIDE??? There was already something very… sensitive and heart-wrenching in his statement from MAG106, in his thought and overall tone (I’m apparently very weak to characters pulling the ~I would have liked to still be able to think that ignorance meant safety~ shtick ;;), even more with Melanie’s narration – she was absolutely perfect for that one, with her voice slightly cracking and the overall impression of throat tightening… And I was already sad for him with that statement alone! Even sadder when thinking he was probably the man with beautiful eyes seen with Gertrude during The Buried’s ritual! And season 4 keeps making me sad about him, godsdamnit, first with Jon mentioning how he ended, and now with:

(MAG135, Manuela Dominguez) “Either way, it was clear my two fellow astronauts were patsies, sent up there to suffer. I almost felt bad for them, but it was in most ways a relief to know I wouldn’t need to worry about them interfering with my own project. […] the closest I ever came to discovery was when Kilbride expressed confusion at the rate that our supplies were diminishing. It was really only the two of us anyway, with Chilcott sealed away, having his own little breakdown. And Jan was always a bit of an idiot, so ready to believe anyone’s lies… But I suppose I don’t need to tell you that – do I, Gertrude?”

(The insidiousness was creepy, sure, but come on, Dark people, we’re so used to Voyeurs all the time, you spilling that You Know What Gertrude Did With Jan doesn’t feel mind-blowingly threatening compared to the others <3)

I wonder if we’ll hear again about the Daedalus. Melanie had noticed that Jan’s statement felt like it ended abruptly (presumably, Gertrude was told he was here and interrupted him to have a chat?) – so there could be another half lying around, or a live-statement with Gertrude, or… I don’t know. But now that we know that there was a 4th person on the station (WHICH WAS A “HOLY ARCEUS” MOMENT), and given that Manuela mentioned that she wasn’t sure of the Lukases&the Fairchilds’ own motives + that… the person who had taken care of the calculation must have been aware of the extra body, but she didn’t say it was Rayner’s team taking care of that aspect, it still feels like there might have been another story against the Currently Official Story (once again):

(MAG135, Manuela Dominguez) “I don’t know how he convinced Fairchild and the Lukases to help finance the project – a life as long as his is evidently very good for one’s finances, but even so, space exploration is a whole other magnitude of expenditure. I don’t entirely know if they were working on rituals of their own, or simply pushing the boundaries of their own fears, their masters. […] Exactly how the launch was arranged, I couldn’t tell you, but I assume the calculations must have been done by one of ours. Otherwise, well… weight is very important when planning a launch, and it could hardly have escaped their notice that there were four people in that rocket.”

I’m very appreciative of the way the Daedalus had been handled in the canon, slowly taking “shape”. We first had Carter Chilcott’s testimony, who… couldn’t tell us a lot about the life aboard, except for his own experience, since he was precisely isolated; we then had Jan, who was more in control but still unaware of what was at work there; and now, we’re getting Manuela, who turned out to have been totally aware of the aim of the mission. This could be the end of the story, or there could be yet more to put things into perspective (ha), we’ll see!

- I don’t know which shade of queer Manuela was/is but: definitely queer (“Anything they did not understand became unnatural and I found myself crossing that line from an early age. Although strangely, out of everything I was, it was always my desire to pursue a scientific career that they railed against with the most energy.”). AND SO AWFUL HOLY HECK… I’m glad that Daisy wasn’t in the room with Jon because his tone was so into it that… he might have freaked her out a bit? It was terrifying, so… deceptively sweet while digging the knife deep into your flesh…

- One thing that gets me a lot (in a “HHHHHhhHHHH” way) is when… avatars talk about their patrons? The reverence, the worship in their words? And Manuela was especially “HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” is that regard: yes, absolutely terrible, and did you hear that drive and that passion? (It’s hot/aesthetically pleasing, is what I want to say.)

I still have… the impression, in a way, that the Daedalus never actually happened in the TMA universe; Melanie had mentioned that feeling in MAG106, though she pointed out the existence of pictures of the crew’s return to Earth, but somehow… I can’t help but feel like indeed, it was too out of our realm to truly have happened, and that it was all staged by another entity/by the Lukases&the Fairchilds, to pretend it had happened when actually the staff had stayed on Earth all along, and that they organised the press releases about it? But it’s also awfully fitting that yes, Fears experiments sound so impossible that it can’t have been happening. If there is no twist, it seems like avatars are drawing powers from their patrons proportionally to the faith they have in them?

(MAG135, Manuela Dominguez) “Scientifically, it was nonsense of course. Dark energy and the like don’t work like that, not even remotely. But that wasn’t important. What mattered was that it felt like science, and that was all I needed. To do my work, to create the Black Star would need a parody, an aping mockery of science. But it would also need the deepest of darknesses. When I told Maxwell what I actually needed, he told me such a thing was impossible, but I insisted. And so he began his work on the Daedalus.

[…] My experiments continued largely uninterrupted, pushing the boundaries of light, darkness and fear. It was dangerous work and more than once, I got too close to the light and it almost destroyed me. But it didn’t. I could regale you with the technical terms or scientific disciplines I played with and rendered meaningless, but in the end all you actually need to know is that I succeeded. A tiny, terrible sun of the pitchest black, shining beautiful Darkness all around it.”

Like a twisted “believe in fairies” – things getting the power you give them, similarly to symbols? Sarah had, back in the days, said the Trophy Room Taxidermy Shop got its powers from people’s interactions with it (MAG096: “What is the significance of this place?” “Nothing, except what people give it. But they give it a lot, make it a place of power for us.”)

If the experiment did indeed happen in space: there had been hypotheses that the “falling satellite debris” which killed Oliver had been the Daedalus, and I had dismissed it because the dates didn’t match at all… but I’m a stupid potato and: of course the crew returned to Earth through a shuttle, and this was explicitly stated by Manuela. So it could still have been the Daedalus going full-on Icarus.

… But on the other hand: while the name “Daedalus” finally takes a bit more meaning with this episode (the story about ~getting too close to the sun~), Daedalus was actually the prudent one, who remained wary of the sun and was clever enough to always escape the murder attempts. Icarus went too close to the sun (and drowned in the sea, leaving Daedalus alone). Daedalus… gave his name to the maze, and brings corridors to minds. (But the “Daedalus project” was an actual, historical one, which never got completed in our world… Rah, I don’t know! The fact that we learned that Manuela had actually been full-on avatar in the space station, and not an innocent scientist victim of The Dark, makes me paranoid about another… twist regarding the station x’))

We’ve had another reference to Icarus in the canon, though: “George Icarus” was the name under which Leitner was buried, as Tim discovered in MAG114. Paid by the Institute. It fits Leitner very well but… given the ties between “Daedalus” and “Icarus”, it feels like a very weird coincidence – so did you get involved in the space project in one way or another, Elias… *squints*)

- Regarding the 4th person on the Daedalus, I’ve been grabbing my face a lot and screaming in silence about the sheer HORROR of suddenly learning that… there was someone else aboard, with Manuela very casually dehumanizing him at every possible turn (“one unlucky nyctophobe”, “I never learned his name, never needed to; he was simply a battery”, “The final experiment had left my battery in such a state that no amount of sound-proofing could dampen the screams, and I was glad of the peace and quiet.”). I wonder if it’s someone we’ve already seen mentioned somewhere…? The only potential one (in my mind) would be Peter “Pete” Gordo, who worked at the Wakefield Prison in MAG052 – Exceptional Risk, and had touched the Dark creature when it came to butcher Robert Montauk. Both the (awful) statement-giver and Jon had highlighted that he had vanished shortly after, in 2002, so he was probably a “half-finished meal” too…

Since Manuela… didn’t mention killing him but implied that she had left him behind (alone) in the station when she went back to Earth with the other two, I wonder if he might have turned into Something Else, or if he plainly died of exhaustion / lack of oxygen / starvation / Fear (alone, in the dark empty infinite space). Conceptually, it could be a good tie-in if he had somehow become an avatar of Extinction, but I don’t know how that could fit with his primal fear and what happened to him. One thing I have in mind, though: Daedalus was the inventor who helped Pasiphae copulate with the bull, in the myth, and the Minotaur wouldn’t have been conceived without it. So… Daedalus contributed to Creating The Monster (before working to contain it). Not sure it could be relevant, but just in case… there is that.

(- Extra-funny thing about Icarus/Daedalus……………… remember how Peter had called Jon in MAG134? A “bull-headed Archivist”. Congrats, Jon! It might have been involuntary (IS IT.) but you’re officially the Monster In The Labyrinth, right now, according to the Lonely creepy boat captain.)

(And again: considering that it turned out Martin was the one who gave Jon the connection to the outside that helped pull him out of the coffin, does that make Martin an Ariadne.)

- So, we got a new name for a ritual (The Dark is ~The Extinguished Sun~) but we also got the notion of a “stronghold” mentioned by Elias:

(MAG135) ELIAS: I don’t know the details. Ny-Ålesund is a stronghold of The Dark, meaning I can’t see inside.

=> Breekon had described the Institute as “The Eye’s Pedestal” (MAG128, “That was the first time we saw what would become this place, The Eye’s Pedestal.”), too. The question is still pending for Point Nemo (a Vast one? An End one?) and Hill Top Road (neutral ground or Web? Desolation? Spiral?). For the Lonely, Carter Chilcott had very specific dreams reminiscent of the graveyard from Naomi’s statement and of the Tundra’s journeys:

(MAG057, Carter Chilcott) “The hallucination stopped. I did not even get the comfort of company in my delusions, though at some point, the line between dreaming and reality seemed to blur. I’d be sleeping, strapped into my bed in the middle of the void, or at the same time floating through ancient graveyards or the open, empty sea. They weren’t hallucinations though, they were dreams – even if the cold seem to seep out of them, and into the bones of me.”

And there were the places where ritual attempts took place – the Wax Museum for The Stranger (though the Taxidermy Shop was also “a place of power” for them), that Elias claimed to be unable to access (and Jon did feel weird with no conception of time there); the town of Bucoda, for The Buried; Sannikov Land, for The Spiral; the Gnostic church near Istanbul for The Flesh (and potentially the Hither Green Dissenters Chapel for The Dark). Given how these places got… severely destroyed after their rituals got thwarted, it sounds like they were only been temporary places to build up power? Ny-Ålesund and the plain… sea are a bit more permanent than those punctual places, though? (Please, Team Archive, don’t go bombing the whole of Ny-Ålesund.)

- If we’re going to be digging a bit more into Dark-related activities… will we get a confirmation of what the fuck was happening re:Maxwell Rayner? Did he just have a remarkably long lifetime thanks to “feeding” his god, like Simon Fairchild, since we know that he was already around in the XIXth century and Manuela herself made a reference to the fact he had been around for very long (MAG135: “a life as long as his is evidently very good for one’s finances”)? I know the favourite fantheory on this one is that he’d been body-hopping but I’ve never been convinced since we didn’t really have descriptions of him changing, except that he was often Kind Of Old. There… has indeed been a suspicious trend of him targeting or getting a child around him: an unnamed one in 1864 (MAG098, Doctor Algernon Moss: “He is led around by a young Arabian lad of ten or eleven, though the ease with which he carries himself makes me suspect this assistance is an affectation rather than necessity.”); in 1995, Julia was attacked by the creature when she was 12; Basira and the other officers were sent against Rayner after he had kidnapped Callum Brodie, twelve years old, in January 2017 (MAG073, Basira: “Yeah. Callum Brodie. Twelve… twelve years old. Disappeared from his home in Dalston three weeks ago.”) – but it’s not necessarily to get a new body…? I always had the impression that it could plainly be because… well, the fear of the Dark is more prominent in children? So they could perhaps feed Dark-people better?

- I mostly wonder if (/hope that) we will get a bit more information about the relationship between Robert Montauk and Maxwell Rayner, in the process! Because… honestly, except for the fact that Robert’s wife apparently belonged to the People’s Church of the Divine Host (since she had the pendant) and that Robert killed around 40 people between 1990 and 1995 that may or may not have all been related to the cult, there are a loooot of things I’m still uncertain about? And Jon still had Questions about it too:

(MAG052) ARCHIVIST: So what is this thing that seems to have stalked Robert Montauk through so much of his life? And what’s its connection to Rayner? Were they summoning it, containing it, worshipping it? Whatever the case, it seems as though Montauk earned its anger. I feel it might be worthwhile getting a few more torches for the Archive.

(MAG074) ARCHIVIST: Well, that seems to close the book on Maxwell Rayner. Maybe the whole People’s Church of the Divine Host. I can’t help but feel I’ve got the last chapter of a story and I don’t even know the title. At least I hope it’s the last chapter. I still can’t find much about the company Outer Bay Shipping. Looks like a shell corporation, but tracking corporate ownership is not something I’m skilled at.

* Was Julia’s mother a runaway from the cult, or an active participant? It sounded to be the latter since Julia mentioned that she used to have friends who… didn’t inquire on her disappearance (MAG009: “apparently no-one noticed she was gone, which was strange as I have vague memories of her having friends over a lot before she vanished.”) Had she left her pendant to trap Julia too? Did she disappear to protect Julia? Did she willingly get spirited away? Actually, Robert told Julia she was “gone” but since Robert’s last victim had disappeared from his previous life a few years before his murder (MAG009, Archivist: “Christopher Lorne was a member of the church and his family hadn’t heard from him in the six years prior to his murder.”)… could it be possible that Julia’s mother is actually… still alive… and very Invested in the cult…

* Robert apparently did these things in order to protect Julia from… the cult? The creature? Maxwell? Julia did highlight that protecting her was one of his concerns (MAG009: “He whispered to me then, when he thought I was asleep, promised to protect me, to make sure that ‘it wouldn’t get me too’.”), but she didn’t really come out of the story acknowledging that it was what he was trying to achieve, I felt – not even to renounce his methods or success. Even when we got her live-statement in MAG109, she presented his actions as unrelated to her. But what was Robert doing exactly, and why…?

* Julia highlighted that they didn’t get any money problems (MAG009: “it was only after his arrest that I discovered that had been the point he’d resigned his job on the police force. I don’t know where the money came from after that but we always seemed to have enough.”) sooo was Maxwell Rayner paying for Robert’s… services?

* Robert and Rayner apparently hated each other by the time of Robert’s imprisonment, when Rayner visited him in Wakefield Prison in late March 2002, a few months before getting butchered by The Dark’s creature (… or one of them):

(MAG052, Phillip Brown) “It was an older guy, I’d guess late 50s, wearing a well-tailored black suit and an expression of disgust. When I brought Montauk in, his face fell, and he went very pale. I’d helped folks beat Robert Montauk a dozen times or more, but I had never seen him look scared. He sat down opposite the old man, and they looked each other in the eye through the thick glass. I think the visitor might have been blind. His eyes were cloudy, but he had no cane or dog. And it didn’t seem to affect how he looked at Montauk. Neither of them spoke. The seconds turned into minutes and still they didn’t say a word. They just sat there staring. Given where I work, it’s really something to be able to say that I’ve never seen two people who hated each other as much as Robert Montauk and that old man.

[…] I was tense, ready to fight off Montauk if he decided to make a move, but instead, a soft voice came from out of the darkness. I didn’t recognise it, but I thought it sounded like it came from the old man, and I don’t think he was talking to me. [STATIC:] “You didn’t think you could kill it for long, did you?” [/STATIC] That’s what it said. Then Pete got the door open, and a shaft of light poured in from the corridor. I could once again see Montauk and the old man sat there, motionless. It didn’t seem like they’d moved an inch, though as I went to take Montauk back to his cell, I noticed that he was crying.”

But before that, Rayner had apparently sent Robert after his next targets (MAG009, Julia: “He asked me to tell my father that it was Detective Rayner on the line with a new case for him.”), so? Unless the last one was someone that Robert went after without Rayner’s approval? Christopher Lorne, Robert’s last victim, was the only identified one, and was confirmed to have belonged to the People’s Church of the Divine Host. Was he an exception, or were all the previous victims from the cult too? In that case, why the heck was Maxwell Rayner getting them killed…? Or were they typical sacrifices in the cult? What happened, for Rayner to have come to loathe Robert, although he previous appeared to be giving him instructions…?

* Unless… was the man who phoned the Montauk’s house and pretended to be “officer Rayner” actually Maxwell Rayner, or someone making fun of him? Julia mentioned that the voice was old (fitting Rayner, forever a bit old) but… that it had an accent (MAG009: “It was a breathy voice, like that of an old man, and at the time I decided he had a German accent, though, when I was young a lot of different nationalities and accents were lumped together in my mind under the label ‘German’.”). If we know one thing from Maxwell Rayner’s voice, at least during the XIXth century, it’s precisely… that it just sounded unremarkable in English (MAG098: “Both speak perfect English, with no accent I can recognise”) – though the statement also dealt with German folklore and Rayner Knew about it, so who knows. Same person, different perceptions? Body-hopping after all? “Maxwell Rayner” being a mantle and a role more than the same person/soul?

- tl;dr Given how The Dark has been a huge part of Julia’s story and there is still room for Questions regarding Robert Montauk… if the Archival staff is planning to go after the remnant of the cult, I really hope that it will be Julia’s cue to come back… Although it has been stated that she couldn’t handle the idea of travelling by boat for very long.

- Re: Manuela’s DRIVE, how fitting that this was also an episode in which Elias casually mentioned his own ~patron~ (I’m really glad that Peter and Elias are now using that word too! It had, so far, mostly been used by other people to refer to avatars’ gods, not avatars themselves presenting their gods this way). Elias rarely mentions The Eye unprompted, and there was something interesting in the way the plural “you” from Manuela’s statement, referring to Gertrude and Elias, became that implied “we” from Elias, referring to him and… Jon, nowadays.

(MAG135) ELIAS: Fine. Consider it a test – things are… coming, things that will need Jon to be far stronger and more willing to use his connection to our patron.

Not the first time Elias amalgamated Jon and himself in the same ~we~ (MAG092: “It doesn’t please your master?” “Our master, Jon.”) but it was especially noticeable since Manuela had totally reduced the relevant Eye agents to the Archivist and the Head of the Institute, too. I don’t know how to explain that but… I felt like there was a bit of an echo, between the fact that Manuela had her own “we” (“even with the loss of Darvish, we will still be victorious”) with clearly identified, more powerful figures (Maxwell, Darvish, Manuela herself), and the… Eye people. There is mostly Elias and Jon, they’re the ones with powers, and as Manuela is describing The Dark’s ritual coming closer at the time of her statement, I feel like the shadow of the Watcher’s Crown is silently looming in a corner?

- As usual: e v e r y t h i n g about Elias. It’s been twice in a row now that Peter appears in an episode only for Elias to do the same in the very next episode and it feels like a competition between the Two Bastards to claim the Throne. Or a friendly competition between Alasdair Stuart and Ben Meredith to see who will manage to make people laughscream the most.

Anyway, non-exhaustive bullet list of Elias being… Elias:

* Do you think he will manage to give ONE GOOD PERFORMANCE REVIEW ONE DAY. I mean, how did he handle Melanie, who worked the hardest of all the assistants in the beginning of season 3, who read the most statements after Martin, who was given work by Jon, and all despite the lack of Archival training&direction (as she called Elias out on)?

(MAG106) ELIAS: And… how are you finding it? MELANIE: Is that a joke? ELIAS: Aside from the obvious, I mean. MELANIE: Oh well, I… I suppose it’s been… unstructured. Without Jon around, and with you being sat up here lurking, there’s not been a lot of useful direction. ELIAS: I see. MELANIE: I mean, you pick out a statement occasionally, and Jon might phone in to ask after some… scrap of information, but to be honest, no one’s even really told me what an “archival assistant” is actually supposed to do.

[A FEW EVIL SPEECHES AND PSYCHOLOGICAL TORTURE SESSIONS LATER]

MELANIE: [BROKEN SOBS] ELIAS: Anyway. Aside from all of that, I’d say your performance has been… satisfactory.

Meanwhile, Jon, who managed to snap out of the chaos that was The Unknowing, saw through Nikola, managed to compel Tim back to awareness enough for Tim to use the detonator…

(MAG135) ELIAS: Consider it a test – things are… coming, things that will need Jon to be far stronger and more willing to use his connection to our patron. His performance during The Unknowing was… disappointing.

… was “disappointing”. THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU SAID IN MAG120, THOUGH, YOU JERK:

(MAG120) ELIAS: You’re doing well, Jon. I only hope you can continue your growth without my guidance.

Insert the “My job here is done.” “But you didn’t do anything…?” meme here.

Elias, just face it: you’re a shit boss, a shit manager, a shit leader, absolutely terrible when it comes to actually giving direction, they’re not responsible for this!! :w

* Well, at the same time, calm your Jon!boner Elias:

(MAG135) BASIRA: Then you messed up. Way he tells it, he doesn’t know how he got out of there. ELIAS: But he did. And his powers were no small part of it. Even if he required some assistance, they were what saved him. And he’s still achieved what no one – mortal, monster, or anything in-between – has ever been able to. He climbed out of The Buried. […] If Gertrude had a plan for this one, I haven’t found it, which is why Jon needs to be closer to The Eye. If anyone can stop what’s happening, he can. See through the darkness, etcetera.

I had wondered whether Jon wasn’t beginning to get a biiit more powerful than was to Elias’s taste (since he mentioned to Basira that he has given instructions to prevent Jon from visiting him if Jon was inclined to it in MAG127, and Jon demonstrated in MAG128 how he’s now able to… extract statements from unwilling subjects, plus the overall droplets of knowledge), but it sounds like it’s actually going according to plan. Elias had already mentioned that Jon was… supposed to grow his own powers and be the one to take care of The Unknowing, back in MAG102, but here, Elias came across as especially powerless compared to Jon (“I don’t know the details. Ny-Ålesund is a stronghold of The Dark, meaning I can’t see inside.”) and… not even trying to pretend anymore that He Has An Important Role On His Own. Jon is the Archivist, we knooow, we’ve been told, but what is Elias’s function in this mess, then…?

* I’m not sure that there is anything more behind the “detective” title he’s giving to Basira since, as mentioned another time… it was something Georgie initially used (MAG122: “You’re the detective.”) and Elias uses it precisely because Basira pointed out that it wasn’t her title?

(MAG135) ELIAS: Nice to see you again, detective. BASIRA: Still not a detective. Never was. ELIAS: Oh, but everyone else seems to be getting a title these days, why shouldn’t you– BASIRA: [SLAMS HANDS ON THE TABLE] Cut the shit! […] ELIAS: I rather feel the real shame would be letting the entire world fall into Darkness because of a single person’s wounded pride. Detective. The stakes are far too high for that kind of… indulgence. […] ELIAS: Good luck. Detective.

It sounds mostly, to me, like a cat staring you RIGHT IN THE EYES while slowly pushing your favourite mug off the table? Doing it just to piss her off? Elias never used “Archivist” with Jon either (except in statement-mode in MAG120, but he went back to “Jon” when addressing him directly through the tape right after the static had faded), so I’m not sure there is particular… substance to it. On the one hand, it would sound like the perfect title for a Hunter-Beholding activity (tailing someone or something and learning about their privacy, potentially cumulating both fears of being hunted and exposed). On the other hand, I can’t help but feel like it could be another jab at Martin, who had mentioned his own lack of special pet name:

(MAG092) ELIAS: You think you’re the only police officer eager to do violence and call it justice? No, there are plenty of other rabid dogs out there, mad with the Hunt.

(MAG116) ELIAS: Oh, and, Jon, technically, I can’t stop you, but I would heavily advise against bringing any… rogue… elements. MARTIN: You can just say Tim.

(MAG118) MARTIN: Oh. That’s it, isn’t it! Martin’s just acting out! I mean, Daisy’s a rabid dog, and Melanie’s a potential killer; Tim’s a… a, a rogue element, but Martin? Oh, Martin’s just, just acting out! He’ll have a cry, and a lie-down, and feel much better!

(And once again: Elias did mention that Jon had received ~assistance~ to get out of the coffin… but managed to not name Martin directly, pfftttr.)

* Even more rattling chain sounds every time Elias opens his mouth => he’s using his hands a l o t when talking, uh. Gesturing person. VERY dramatic person. Is it a prerequisite for working at the Institute, was that the reason Elias chose Jon as the next Archivist.

* Oooh, Elias.

(MAG135) BASIRA: [SLAMS HANDS ON THE TABLE] Cut the shit! What are you playing at? ELIAS: I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.

When you’re playing at too many things at the same time that you can honestly not answer that question.

* Overall: I LIVE FOR ALL THE ELIAS-BASIRA EXCHANGES THIS SEASON… In season 1 and 2, they probably would have had very civil and cordial discussions but… beginning season 3, yes, Elias had begun to Let It Out way more (was it costing him that much to hold off and to appear proper and respectable? … or did the role just become Free Ben Estate.) and it’s even worse now. He’s so bratty and petty, and Basira had always been so straight-to-the-point and no-bullshit (except when it comes to office gossip) that it’s delightful and feels like she has to handle a spoiled brat while not being paid enough for this.

(MAG135) BASIRA: If you’re lying about this– ELIAS: You’ll kill me? [HUFF] I can hardly wait. [STEPS DEPARTING]

eLIAS, THAT’S LOW (the thing about kill-me-and-you’re-all-dying still stands, that’s precisely why they chose to get him arrested) AND YOU HAVE NO PRIDE YOURSELF.

* Though I am also very mad that Elias confirmed that His Plan regarding Basira’s investigations… was to get her out, because she’s Jon’s impulse-control.

(MAG135) ELIAS: Would you simply believe I wanted you and Daisy reunited? BASIRA: No. ELIAS: Fine.

I LOVE BASIRA SO M U C H…

Elias… called Basira out on her “pride” (“I rather feel the real shame would be letting the entire world fall into Darkness because of a single person’s wounded pride. Detective.”), and I’m worried that he might be spot-on on this one, like he was with Melanie and Tim. Though he’s currently nurturing Basira’s frustrations – sending her all over the globe before basically admitting that she couldn’t have done anything relevant herself? Now talking her down? Insisting that Jon is their best chance, apparently not taking her into consideration at all except as a potential messenger? Offering an “idea” that turned out to have been manipulation, and now giving new instructions while highlighting that she’s in no position to refuse? Either he’s still awfully bad when it comes to hurting people and not expecting them to get back at you, either he’s Compensating Hard for the prison time, either he’s trying to foster harsh reactions from Basira (and it won’t help her to warm up to Jon if Elias keeps presenting Jon as their most reliable chance ;;).

- I am HYSTERICAL over the fact that we’re finally getting another bit of something related to Elias’s backstory and that it’s that he was apparently acquainted with MAXWELL RAYNER:

(MAG135, Manuela Dominguez) “I come to you with a warning. And an offer. When you read this, I would consider it a great favour if you could share my words with the Head of your Institute. Tell him that Maxwell Rayner sends his regards and offers… sanctuary. A time of holy Darkness is at hand, when The Eye will close forever, and in the spirit of the friendship they once shared, he offers an opportunity – to surrender. Forsake the Ceaseless Watcher; abandon your position, and you shall be spared in the Blind World to come. In the spirit of reconciliation, and to convince you of our sincerity… I offer my story. Much as it may pain me to feed the sick voyeur that lurks in this place.

[…] That’s all I really came here to say! To let you know we had succeeded. And to make your boss an offer on behalf of Maxwell. […] So by all means, do your worst. Or prostrate yourself, both of you, before the Forever Blind – and perhaps you might be spared. Maxwell and I await your decision, with keen interest.”

ELIAS……………………

And nothing says more than “(ex)friendship” than confirming that you gave a tip to Section 31 to ensure they would go after and get rid of your old ~~friend~~, uh:

(MAG073) ARCHIVIST: […] Oddly enough, all I can think about is how did the police know where Rayner was keeping the boy? Basira didn’t seem to know, and the Church clearly wasn’t expecting the police to arrive. With a few exceptions, Rayner managed to stay off the grid for two decades. How did they find him now? Someone must have known what was happening and tipped them off. And I don’t think it was anyone inside that building.

(MAG135) ELIAS: You thought the final death of Maxwell Rayner might have sufficiently derailed them? Yes, that was my hope too, but alas it would seem not. BASIRA: Maxwell… You… You called in that tip, sent us out to their warehouse. ELIAS: And now I’m sending you out again.

(I’m so glad that it was confirmed!)

Until now, almost everything we had about Elias’s… life outside of the Institute was the Infamous Bits about His Official Backstory (which directly contradicted the small mention from MAG029 that he was a filing clerk at the Institute in 1972 – or at least, highlighted that uhoh, something doesn’t match here and that’s a twenty-years difference, the staff should have noticed):

(MAG049) ARCHIVIST: Supplemental. Elias Bouchard is a difficult man to pin down, certainly since he became head of the Institute in 1996 […]. It was a remarkably fast climb to the top, as from what I can find, it looks like he only joined the Institute five years before, in 1991, working in the Artefact Storage. […] And yet, everything I found out about his life before the Institute seems… an ill fit with the austere man I know. He apparently graduated with a Third from Christ Church’s College in PPE, and I found an old gossip column in the student newspaper that – sure well – that mentioned him. If I’m not reading too much into it, the implication seems to be that he was… something of a… pothead [CHUCKLES]. Was he… like that when he first came to work here…?

If this information is accurate: the time of Elias’s studies and his starting at the Institute would match the time-period during which the People’s Church of the Divine Host were officially active (MAG009: “a small cult that grew around the defrocked Pentecostal minister Maxwell Rayner in London during the late eighties and early nineties. […] Mr. Rayner himself disappeared from public view sometime in 1994 and the group fragmented shortly afterwards.”). How the heck did Elias apparently meet him, though? And mostly: … how could Rayner even have The Audacity to offer for them to just… resign? Manuela mentioned that she supposed “there is also an element of provocation here as well” and YOU DON’T SAY…

Wild hypotheses about the Rayner-Elias relationship, not in any particular order of Seriousness:

* Since Manuela only referred to “the Head of the Institute”, without naming Elias, and she referred to the fact that Rayner had been around for very long (we have a statement mentioning him from 1864): it’s an Old Thing, whether or not “Elias” is actually Jonah Magnus. (At the same time… given The Show that Elias is currently putting on, he really doesn’t read to me as being potentially 200+y old? He sounds way too immature and petty and frustrated to be this old?)

* Okay, so amongst the Eye-folks, there seems to be a trend of “x all the Entities”. Gertrude: thwarting all the Entities’ rituals. Jon: getting whumped by all the Entities and having scars to Show. Martin, man of 16 Fears: being courted by all the Entities. Elias: bedding all the Entities??

* Elias was a member of the cult during his Wild Days, before swinging another way when it began to crumble and/or before getting a Revelation at the Institute?

- … It’s also possible that the things about “friendship” were actually awfully sarcastic and cruel in their own ways. We have had the example of Mike Crew who was pursued by an entity and managed to escape it by giving himself fully to another, it… could have been something like that with Elias, too? Escaping the Dark by throwing himself into Beholding?

One thing I find striking is that, quite often, when we learned about the Spooky backstory of people who are currently tied to the Institute, Beholding wasn’t exactly the main Fear that they had encountered – mostly, they witnessed someone around them getting taken by a Fear, and were spectators who didn’t try (or manage) to stop it and… pressed on to know what was happening:

(MAG081) ARCHIVIST: And of course, in my heart, I knew that no-one else could have possibly seen anything as horrible as I had. Well, maybe I could have named one person, but… I watched him disappear forever. […] I had no idea what was going on, not really, but I was somehow desperate to get that book back. He was much bigger than me, though, so all I could do was follow as he walked down alleys and side streets. […] A strange conviction that, if I had been able to face that thing myself, maybe I could have saved him. Stopped it. Ridiculous, of course, I was eight.

(MAG101) MICHAEL: When he was in school, [Michael Shelley] lost a friend to something like me. His friend was named Ryan, but those in power simply called him schizophrenic. I don’t know if he was, but it doesn’t matter. He was so dreadfully afraid his world wasn’t real that to make it so was almost nothing. Michael was there when he was taken; he never got over what he saw. Or didn’t see. After much searching and despair, it drove him into the waiting arms of the Institute, where he met Gertrude Robinson.

(MAG104) TIM: I always tell myself there was some force there. Something that held me in place and meant that all I could do was watch. But sometimes when I think back, I remember how my legs shook, and maybe I could move. … Maybe I’m just a coward.

(Tim was literally a SPECTATOR in a theatre… Plus, add Basira who witnessed one colleague be taken by Diego Molina during her first Section 31’d case, and another colleague get killed by Natalie Ennis; Daisy who saw her colleague be taken by the coffin during her first Section 31’d case; Melanie… who didn’t lose anyone close to her in the process but still witnessed the strange things happening to “Sarah”, and a ghost getting butchered in the train.)

Survivor’s bias, but still noticeable – does Beholding put a claim on almost everyone who survived a Spooky encounter, maybe?

So I don’t know, really, but somethingsomething could the Dark actually have been the experience that originally pushed Elias towards the Institute…? (Jon had assumed, and seemed to have been validated in that regard, that Elias had trouble Watching in the tunnels, which are notoriously very dark. Perhaps the best way to insure Elias would shut the heck up would be to… plainly put a blindfold on him, and he would turn catatonic.)

- Meanwhile: Peter was mentioned for the first time in MAG033, appeared for the first time in episode MAG100. He has had a speaking presence in five episodes since then. He has been an absolute chatterbox when it comes to Elias – there has been no episode in which he didn’t mention him. Elias has been around since MAG017, has had a speaking presence in… eight? episodes since Peter appeared. And still. Has made. No mention. Whatsoever. Of. Any. “Peter Lukas”. Elias………………

(- Assuming that they do know each other, given that Elias said that:

(MAG135) ELIAS: Have you ever seen the Aurora borealis? It’s lovely this time of year. It would be a shame to lose them.

… Did he see them while on The Tundra? Romantikku.)

- Elias managed to not even mention Martin when describing that Jon had ~received help~ to get out of the coffin, and I want to believe that he’s still bitter about his arrest. Though… I really got the feeling, with MAG134 and how Martin described it, that it was The Web and… interestingly, Elias didn’t seem as wary of what happened as Peter.

So either it was actually Beholding guiding Martin there, either it gives some credentials to the idea that Elias had been collaborating or tolerating The Web at the Institute for a long while? There is also that strange connection between Jon and Martin: the fact that Martin just knew that Jon was alive (MAG088, Martin: “It’s the not knowing, you know? I mean, Jon’s still alive. Not sure why, but I’m sure of that. But Sasha, I…”) + the “DIG” from the same episode’s statement, read by Martin, creeping into Jon’s dreams (MAG120). So still no certainties about it but… there is something.

- I… am… very… wary… of the way Elias is OH SO VERY CONVENIENTLY pushing in the direction of Jon’s own uncertainty.

(MAG135) ARCHIVIST: I mean, the Sun’s still there so I assume they failed. Unless they’re still… waiting to attempt it. That’s not the sort of statement you give… four years before you try to actually… ! … Or is it… The timeframes on these, er, “attempts”, the–these rituals, well… they seem variable, to say the least. When I try to think about it, uh– […] [SIGH] I’ll keep digging. If there is another ritual upcoming, I’ll need all the information I can get on it. I can’t believe Gertrude didn’t have a plan for it. I hope I’m just being over-cautious, that it’s already long since dealt with, but… we’ll see. […] I can’t afford to be just living one day at a time, I need… a plan. But I don’t even know what I’m trying to achieve… And no one… no one wants to tell me. Hm. [SIGH] End recording.

(MAG135) ELIAS: I have been observing a recent increase in people and supplies being moved to the small town of Ny-Ålesund, in Svalbard. An increase which I believe may be linked to a rather desperate attempt, by the People’s Church of the Divine Host, to perform a crude ritual of their own. To bring their… “Mr. Pitch”… into the world. […] I don’t know the details. Ny-Ålesund is a stronghold of The Dark, meaning I can’t see inside. I… believe they call it “The Extinguished Sun”, though that’s as much as I know. If Gertrude had a plan for this one, I haven’t found it, which is why Jon needs to be closer to The Eye. If anyone can stop what’s happening, he can. See through the darkness, etcetera. […] Feel free to do your own research to confirm what I’m telling you. Just don’t take too long.

It… it sounds way too much like throwing Jon a bone to ensure that he will get a Dark scar/experience, since Jon had been unable to Know whether Gertrude had managed to stop them or not. It doesn’t feel like Elias is taking this threat too seriously (compare it to the way he had handled The Unknowing?!), but more that he’s pretty confident that they won’t manage anyway and that he can… totally afford to be totally shitty about it since, anyway, he knows that Jon and the others will get worried and will get invested because they can’t afford to risk allowing another ritual to succeed? I find it hard to believe that The Dark is currently any threat but I totally understand that just in case, yes, the Archive Team would feel like they must intervene.

… and with The Lonely (and The Extinction), the only physical scars/marks that Jon is still missing? Are from The Dark. He’s never experienced it directly either and… catapulting him over to Svalbard sounds like the IDEAL opportunity for it, uh. Elias didn’t explicitly say that stopping The Dark was why he needed Jon to get stronger – there were two separate things, he implied causality but… didn’t explicitly say that it was the case so. Suspicious. Of course he would need Jon stronger for The Eye’s ritual, ultimately, after all…?

… But another thing that makes me flip out? IS THAT ELIAS IS NOW FACTORING IN THAT JON CARES FOR THE EXTENDED ARCHIVE TEAM:

(MAG092) ELIAS: You may believe yourself to have friends, to have confidantes, but in the end, all they are, is something for you to watch, to know, and ultimately to discard.

(MAG135) ELIAS: […] His performance during The Unknowing was… disappointing. I needed a way to force him to harness his ability more acutely than he had before. The coffin was a useful tool; Daisy an adequate bait.

………………… and yes, Jon will probably get a new injury on the way: he’ll get mauled by one of the Dark creatures in best case scenario, he could lose his eyes at worst (… does he even need them nowadays. I mean, YES it would be heart-breaking but. It sounds like One Of These Things very likely to happen to him.)… but I’m more worried about Basira.

Because if Elias is now factoring in that to push Jon further, you have to use the fact that he cares, Ny-Ålesund sounds like a Big Danger for BASIRA.

She was there when Maxwell Rayner was killed.

The only other witnesses were police officers (all Section 31’d nowadays). She didn’t kill Rayner herself but. But. I do not trust Elias one second to not spread (or have already spread) misleading rumours letting Dark cultists think that Basira had been the one to kill Maxwell Rayner. Jon had noticed people wearing the People’s Church pendants outside (MAG123) and we still don’t know why they’re hanging around so close to the Institute but really… I can’t help but feel like if they’re targeting someone, it’s Basira, and not Jon.

- About Jon’s feeling regarding the way the other staff members look at him…

(MAG135) ARCHIVIST: I don’t… like interacting with the rest of the Institute these days. The way they look at me, I– … I don’t know. I don’t know what they’ve heard, what the rumours going around are, but… they have definitely heard something…! [SIGH] And they can’t wait until they don’t have to talk to me anymore. Can’t honestly say I blame them, none of this is easy. Everyone’s just trying to get through as best they can. Living one day at a time.

I’m not sure of what is happening, so:

* Is there indeed something noticeable in Jon nowadays? A gaze a bit too intense, an overall aura, something that makes you think “he’s spooky” without being able to pinpoint how? Too many eyes? Daisy was in the room when he read MAG133’s statement, I still feel like if anyone would be able to tell… it would be her.

* Alternatively, it… could also be an effect of the Lonely, again, since Jon had mentioned feeling isolated/lonely and… he’s very prone to feeling this as soon as he’s physically alone. It could just be that Jon feels like he can’t connect and that nobody wants to talk to him, while people are just… behaving towards him normally, but the Lonely is warping his perception.

* Alternatively: did Peter spread rumours on him through memos.

* Alternatively… oh, Jon… there could be so many reasons for people to not want to get involved with you Just In Case… Objectively: the Archives were attacked by Prentiss’s worms in Summer 2016. Jon was a mess for the following six months, before a body was discovered in the Archives and Sasha disappeared; Jon was on the run and the prime suspect. He came back and was on and off for a few months… before Tim died in an explosion in the Wax Museum alongside him, and Jon was hospitalised. And now he’s back. He means trouble, he means danger and, yes, people thought that Tim was having a breakdown when he was ranting about what was actually happening (as Martin told Jon in MAG102) but… Tim was popular. Tim used to be social, chatting with students and acting as relay between them and Jon (when they noticed errors in MAG033)… and Tim died.

Even Tim aside, there was the matter of Elias’s arrest and… Elias looked like he was actually well-liked by the staff? He was invested in the Institute’s life:

(MAG098) MELANIE: Uh, Martin? Have you seen Elias? MARTIN: Oh, uh… no. But Tuesday lunch he normally meets with the Library staff, I think?

And Rosie was chill with him (you don’t go “Yep, will do” at a boss you fear…). It’s possible that people resented Jon for Elias’s arrest and/or thought that Jon had framed him (which. to be honest.)? There are so many reasons for people to just… be wary of him, indeed…

- Jon’s voice was… something, at the beginning of MAG135. Sulky, tired, crushed? He reminded me of how he had introduced MAG129’s statement right after his encounter with Martin (clearly… unwell and plain sad); could have been caused by what he recounted regarding his interactions with the rest of the Institute, or by the content of the statement itself (it… wasn’t great news and Jon had no certainty about a possible positive outcome), but I wonder if it mightn’t be that reading statements left by Avatars is more taxing, since they’re more involved with the Fears? Does it feed Beholding a bit too much? He was very tired after Jane Prentiss’s; he collapsed after Breekon’s; he was clearly not fine with Manuela’s here. The only exception I can think of is MAG074 – Fatigue, which left him exhausted despite not apparently being (as far as we know) from an avatar?

- Raise your hand if Jon keeps slowly breaking your heart into small pieces when he has to tell himself, again and again, that he has to focus and that he can’t save everyone…

(MAG132) ARCHIVIST: I… heard someone. He was begging for me to save him. Said he couldn’t breathe. … I can barely breathe. I couldn’t find him. But I am… n–not here for him. I don’t even know him.

(MAG135) ARCHIVIST: At least, the coffin’s gone. I gave Artefact Storage some very specific instructions, and they’ve got it solidly sealed away. … Is locking it up the right thing to do? There are other people in there. And Daisy and I got out, but– … No, I, uh… I can’t think about that. Even if I could somehow be sure of recreating our escape, I–I can’t save everyone that’s been taken. I–It’s not my job to try, I– And I can’t spend another three days in there, I just… I need to let it go.

(But I’m still worried that this could be… how Gertrude started out, too. At first focusing on people around her and on the missions ahead, before gradually coming to thinking that the others were necessarily sacrifices for the Greater Good. Though in Jon’s case: he’s been… very consistently upset and sad for victims overall. So right now, he’s encouragingly… totally unlike Gertrude. Caring so much.)

- Bring as many torches as you can, once again. And your Web lighter, Jon? What happened to that one since the end of season 3 ;;

(… They don’t even need to go to Svalbard, actually, since there was still the matter of St. Paul’s Church in West Hackney, from MAG063, though Jon hadn’t managed to find any connection with the People’s Church of the Divine Host but… it was clearly a Dark creature lurking there? And the statement was from 2014.)

- If Team Archive goes to Norway in a group expedition trip… I’m picturing the door of the Archives, closed. Jon having left a note warning people that they’ll be away for a week or two, the Archives will be closed during that time. Scribble from Daisy underneath: “If we don’t die.” (Helen having added “Of fun!”, before adding something else about this door being closed, but people can still knock if they need a door, she’d do her bestest.) Melanie put a message encouraging to NOT take a job here if they happen to hire new staff after their disappearances in ~dark conditions~. Basira tried to salvage the memo with a mention about contacting the police with a mention of Section 31 if they failed. Martin passing by, one day, and losing it because pETER, WHAT DID YOU ALLOW TO HAPPEN AGAIN, YOU SAID THEY WOULD BE SAFE–

- Elias said the words “SVALBARD” and “AURORA BOREALIS” in an episode about “DARK MATTER”, so my heart is screaming and seeing this as His Dark Materials representation. Come on, the Archives crew are millennials, they have read the trilogy, right right right? :w

… Well, maybe not Jon, who probably didn’t manage to finish the first volume and/or gave up on the second one when he realized that Will’s cat wouldn’t be the main protagonist. (Maybe he secretly stanned Lyra a bit for her tendency to just run away from the College. And also panserbjørne. He would stan The Bears.) Sasha’s first dream job was to be a witch because Serafina was DANG COOL, with becoming an aeronaut coming in close second; cue Heated Bi Debates with Tim, because his tiny bi heart had been awakened through other options (Lord Asriel? Terrible, but hot!! Marisa Coulter? Terrible but hella hot!!). Basira got her lesbian awakening with Mary – smart clever scientist who went Fuck Injustice? Sign her up. Melanie loved Will, loved WILL’S KNIFE, and also loved to read about bears savagely murdering each other (oh no, sheer horror if she ever finds out she had that in common with Jon!). Helen might need to have the story told to her but she goes “!! I can open doors and Windows too! :D”. Georgie loved the technology and the Gallivespians communicating through Lodestone resonators (… actually, Jon probably made her think about the Gallivespians. A lot). … Aza mentioned to me that “ahah, Martin must have projected so hard on Will” and I hate her, it was supposed to be all fun headcanons but oh no now it’s awfully sad (=> Will’s mother being sick and needing his help! Not being reliable, but it doesn’t matter, she loves him! And turns out that Will’s dad had never abandoned them, not exactly, and that he had always loved them all very much!) (YEAH NOW IT’S SUPER SAD WHEN THINKING ABOUT MARTIN PROJECTING.)

(Let’s compensate the Sad by thinking about Jon and the assistants going on a boat trip to Norway, and NOTHING BAD HAPPENING, they’ll manage to neutralise the Dark’s feeble attempt and nobody will die or be gravely injured or traumatised by anything :| So they get to enjoy the trip, even if it’s probably on the Tundra and Jon is seething because still no sign of Peter Lukas anywhere, Martin is there though mostly inaccessible (… all alone on the boat to fuel it?), but Jon still managed to grab him at some point to have Meaningful Discussions in the cold of the deck, at night, when they’re undignifiedly bundled up in layers and layers of down jackets, Martin being especially starry-eyed at the starry sky because as he had mentioned in MAG113, he never got to travel much, and he’s getting Something Nice for once even if it’s when on their way to probably die a dark death – but they don’t and it stays something nice :[)

(What do you mean, I slept 2h30 last night and worked overtime today and I’m surviving thanks to my 7th coffee.)

MAG136’s title is out and AAAAAAAAAAAAH???? WEB??? WEB??? I want to think that a twist could be at work here (The Corruption and The Desolation ought to be offended, tfw still no episode almost halfway into season 4 :w) but it screams WEB, it screams especially strongly SHE, SHE, THE WIFE… Though Annabelle was “the story-spinner” and this is another title altogether. On the one hand, Jon has been repeatedly lamenting over his overall lack of direction, so it could be Her Cue to go see him in person or send him someone who survived her… but on the other hand mmmm, too soon for that maybe? Could also be something about Raymond Fielding, perhaps? (Or twist and it’s not Web.) (… second-meaning could be about so many people… Peter? Elias (ha, he wished.)? Annabelle?)

#mag135 #long post/#tma liveblog #the magnus archives #tma season 4

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shamrock96 · 5 years

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So I’ve been thinking about Polyamory lately...

I started watching this show called Siren where this couple meets a mermaid and all three of them slowly start falling in love with each other and this is my first exposure to polyamorous representation and I think it’s a great triad relationship the writers have going here to explain the more complex emotions involved in a polyamorous relationship.

If anyone gets bored gong through this or knows you’re in for a long post as least know that this is the main idea of this post before scrolling past it: The best kind of love is a healthy tender relationship to people you can trust and who love you unconditionally.

Now I’m not poly myself, I don’t know what I am to be honest, so I don’t know what’s all involved. I’ve done research and I know that there are many different types of polyamory for it to just be whittled down to one example but what really strikes me and fascinates me about the polyamorous relationship depicted in Siren is the deep love and commitment each of the partners have with each other.

In the past I’ve joked about polyamory in the sense “haha let’s just forget this bogus love triangle and have everyone just get together” and after hearing other people’s stories and learning about their relationships I know there’s a lot more to it than just saying “screw it, let everyone just have sex!”

So I’ve put together a list of other possible areas where other writers could have gone this way. Because representation is important and love triangles have become an extremely cliché and toxic trope in television and movies to the point I don’t think writers really know what a healthy relationship between partners looks like anymore.

I got a lot of these from Triad of the Day but I just wanted to explain more in depth why I think these characters would be so good together

1. Veronica Lodge and Cheryl Blossom and Betty Cooper

So I’ve got to admit, I don’t actually watch Riverdale and this is probably a bad example to start with because my reasoning for these three being a triad is: just look at them. They’re obviously in love. And they can all still have their men on the side if that’s what they want but from what I’ve seen of gifs and on other people’s blogs, there is a strong feminine power here that transcends just being friends/frenemies/whatever.

2. Harley Quinn and Catwoman and Poison Ivy a.k.a The Gotham City Sirens

Harley and Poison Ivy are already renown for their amazing sapphic relationship but I feel like Catwoman is a good addition to their love because of how often she gets snubbed by Batman (a man she clearly has feelings for a who has feelings for her) for embracing her darker side. Harley, more than anyone, understands being sidelined and downright abused by someone you care about and I think Poison Ivy would praise Selina for embracing the side of her that come more naturally. Harley and Poison Ivy already have a great and more or less healthy (as healthy as trauma inflicted villains can be) and Selina could really use some of that love in her life.

This is also probably my inspiration for the whole Veronica/Cheryl/Betty triad I have above.

3. Kathy and Don and Cosmo

Again, so I haven’t really seen this movie in its entirety yet (just bits and pieces) but I’ve seen enough to know they were all just meant to be together. Especially in the “Good Morning” number where they talk about “danced the whole night through”. Like what is better than one person finding two other people they can laugh and have fun together until dawn? This just seems super figured out to me.

4. Miles O'brien and Keiko O'brien and Kira Nerys

This is one where I think things get a little complicated for so many reasons. For starters it’s a great example how a polytriad relationship works when children are involved. For those who aren’t familiar with Star Trek: Deep Space 9, the story between these three are that Miles and Keiko have been married ever since they were on Star Trek: The Next Generation. They even have a daughter who is about four when the couple are expecting their next baby. Due to a transporter malfunction Kira is accidentally impregnated with Keiko’s baby. This was the writers’ way of explaining Kira’s actress, Nana Visitor’s, own pregnancy (coincidently with other co-star, Alexander Siddig, but that’s a whole other story).

Anyways, once Kira is unexpectedly carrying the O’Brien’s child she moves in with them so that they can still experience the pregnancy and become closer to their new surrogate. As a result Kira also becomes closer to the O’Brien’s and their daughter Molly. The birth of Kirayoshi is a really touching episode and it’s obvious that Kira has become extremely attached to the baby. After the birth the O’Briens make Kira Kirayoshi’s godmother (and also kind of name him after her) and she becomes a part of the family, like an aunt.

The only reason this gets complicated is because of Kira’s work relationship with Miles. While Kira and Keiko become super close and it could easily have turned into something romantic there’s not a lot of that bonding going on with Miles. And I know there are relationships where person A (Kieko) has a strong relationship with persons B (Miles) and C (Kira) but persons B and C aren’t as close, but my main objective in putting these characters together is to form a perfect triad where everyone loves and is loved equally. The writers could have also easily done this by having Kira and Miles bond more emotionally rather than professionally but they didn’t so we don’t get to see what that would have looked like except in fanfiction.

5. Elphaba and Galinda and Fiyero

Like I think a majority of the fans of Wicked agree that these three were all in love one way or the other. Some ship Glinda and Elphaba, Glinda shipped herself with Fiyero, and the mainstream is that Elphaba and Fiyero utlimately belonged together. And while the musical puts a heavy emphasis on the “friendship” between Glinda and Elphaba, anyone who ever watches “For Good” can tell you that their relationship was way deeper than your average best friends or sisters for that matter. Not to mention in “One Short Day” the two fo them make a point of saying “we’re just two friends” “two good friends” “two best friends”. The whole “just friends” has been used to keep LGBT+ couples in the closet since forever.

We also know Fiyero and Elphaba were given a wonderfully laid out relationship which has a very important role in the musical. Fiyero’s relationship with Glinda can be analyzed as what society wants to see vs. Fiyero and Elphaba’s relationship which is something society doesn’t want to see. Perfect vs. Unconventional. HOWEVER, Fiyero and Glinda did have a connection, so much so that Glinda did mourn losing him (to her “best friend” nonetheless). The reverse could also be argued that Glinda was mourning losing Elphaba to Fiyero. OR it could be argued that the two people she loved most ran off into the sunset (albeit, as fugitives) without her and she was left behind. In a polyamorous relationship nobody would be left behind singing a reprise of “I’m Not That Girl”. I haven’t seen the full musical in a while but I think Elphaba gave Glinda the chance to come with her and Fiyero and Glinda opted to stay behind in the public figure position she was given. I could be wrong about that, like I said I haven’t seen the musical in a while, but if I’m not wrong the that decision to stay behind could have all sorts of different analyses for the relationship between the three.

Let’s not forget to mention that Glinda and Elphaba were ROOMMATES! Ok, memes aside, these three had a lot of chemistry and history together that bonded them. For me, one of the saddest parts of the ending wasn’t the “For Good” scene where Elphaba “sacrifices” herself because Glinda knew full well what Elphaba had planned with Fiyero, leaving Glinda as the last one standing and being the one left behind to fix the corrupt government in the land of Oz. She was sad because she knew Elphaba had to stay dead in the eyes of the people if she was ever going to live a normal life after all that had happened. The actual ending of the book is way sadder so I’ll take the canon ending of the musical any day but I can’t help but feel like the life Elphaba and Fiyero started after running off into their official sunset probably felt a little incomplete without Glinda.

6. DJ Fuller and Steve Hale and Matt Harmon

THIS ONE. Never has an audience ever been given the run around about a heteronormative live triangle than they have been with Fuller House. As soon as I saw this on Triad of the Day’s list of polyamorous couples I was just like YES! When DJ chose Steve I was a little skeptical and torn. Both of these men seemed really great and had great chemistry with DJ. I stan the whole decision for DJ to choose herself the first time around and take some time to figure out who she was (especially so soon after the death of her husband). But immediately after that decision the writers went and gave Steve and Matt a great bro relationship. THEY EVEN HAD STEVE AND MATT KISS!!!! Although that was before they became friends. And they were SO into that kiss and we ALL loved it! The fact that it was used for laughs is such a pity. Fuller House could have pulled a Modern Family by creating a positive social commentary on polyamorous families and play off the title of the show (Fuller House) more than they already do by adding both men to the family. Instead one of them got pushed away and to be honest I stopped watching after season 2. I love the wholesome family vibes Fuller House gives out and even the ones given out by Hallmark (which Candace Cameron Bure and Lori Laughlin are major actresses in) but something these wholesome shows and tv networks forget is that you can represent LGBT+ relationships without the emphasis of sex. It’s like if someone were to pitch a gay Christmas romance movie to Hallmark the board would immediately say, “Nice idea, but this is a family friendly program.” My definition of family friendly is a group of adults who are in loving and healthy relationships with each other who all love and take care of the children in their lives. And my definition of wholesome is lack of profanity and vulgar humor and displays honest values (just for the record).

Fuller House really missed out on taking a step forward into the modern age by not making these three a polyamorous triad.

7.Victor Van Dort and Emily and Victoria Everglot

So I’m not sure about this one because I REALLY love how it ended (with Emily getting justice for her murder and then being emotionally liberated to the point she burst into a kaleidoscope of butterflies). Not to mention Emily and Victoria didn’t exactly get much bonding time throughout the movie though I think Emily can heavily relate to Victoria’s overly sheltered life and especially to getting screwed over in the marriage department (although Victoria luckily dodged that bullet). But I feel like that would make Emily (and Victor) all the more protective of Victoria when it comes to those who would abuse her. And maybe Emily could have taught both Victor and Victoria more about standing up for themselves. I know Emily can seem naive and like she doesn’t have much life experience (for obvious reasons) but we’ve seen how strong, powerful, and dedicated she is. I don’t think anybody would be surprised if Emily scorched the earth for Victor and Victoria. Also Victor needs some strong women in his life. I feel like the implications of what these three would have been like in a polyamorous relationship is pretty obvious and has no doubt been written about a thousand times in fanfiction. As much as I love Emily being released from what was tying her down to earth, this would have been a good alternative ending as well.

8. Tulio is dating Miguel and Chel

These guys. Need I say more?

I think I might because while we see the obvious attraction between Tulio and Chel and the fanmade art and fanfiction of Tulio and Miguel, that still leaves out the question of what Chel and Miguel’s relationship would be like. Obviously in the movie Miguel wasn’t a big fan of Chel moving in on his and Tulio’s “bromance” and while jealousy doesn’t have much place in an ideal triad relationship (from what I understand anyway), I think they could make good partners in crime.

9. Flora and Fauna and Merryweather a.k.a the Three Good Fairies

Now these hoes. I’ve heard some dispute somewhere that they may or may not be sisters but I distinctly remember them only being referred to as “the three good fairies”. Older women (fairies) who have known each other for a very long time. But they dead ass raised a daughter together as mortals, in the same cottage for 16 years. We’ve seen said cottage and we’ve seen Aurora’s bedroom but anyone can see that there’s no way there was enough from in that cottage for 3 individual bedrooms or even one room for three twin beds (maybe bunk beds if they had existed in the 14th century). They’re depicted as incompetent characters in Malificent but they aren’t that way in the 1959 Sleeping Beauty. In fact, they’re portrayed as willing to do anything for their daughter. Not to mention the constant bickering of Flora and Merryweather being pacified by Fauna. That is typical married old couple behavior right there. Being 1959 there’s no way anyone was ready for a polyamorous triad of fairies in a children’s animated feature but that’s basically what they gave us.

10. Nancy Wheeler and Steve Harrington and Jonathan Byers

This is also a hard one. Because similar to Glinda and Fiyero’s relationship Steve and Nancy were together for high school politics. In this scenario Steve is Glinda because he gets left behind to ponder on his life as a shallow popular high school king. But protecting Jonathan and Nancy with that homemade nail bat from that demagorgan is what any good partner would do for his other partners.

The reason this one is tricky is not only because Steve got left behind but also because the relationship dynamic is pretty unequal. Because while Nancy and Steve are together at the beginning of Season 2, it’s clear they’re still putting on a facade that things can go back to normal for them during their senior year of high school. By the end of Season 2 Nancy is officially with Jonathan and Steve is not only left behind but he’s left behind to take care of the kids.

Not to mention Steve and Jonathan don’t necessarily have a good relationship with each other. Although I think Steve has been humbled down in Season 3 after realizing his glory days are more or less behind him. But we don’t get a lot of interaction between these three anymore.

I’m not really sure where I’m going with this one besides the fact that I think there’s some potential somewhere here. Especially with the introduction of Robin. I feel like she could be a great sexual awakening for a lot of the characters in this show.

BONUS: Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin and just about anyone

It doesn’t have to be Raven. Honestly it could be any character who has a good relationship with both Clark and Bellamy. I think it’s safe to say a majority of the fandom is holding out for Bellark to ride off into their sunset but I think they’d be pretty inclusive to someone else they have a strong relationship with. I haven’t watched the series in a really long time so I don’t know if there is a character left alive who fits that description but the characters have definitely formed a pack mentality of survival and sticking close. I imagine if they (Clark, Bellamy, and their third partner) would have kids they’d have the same protective circle.

#My posts #my ot3

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spn-rewrites · 5 years

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01x12 (part 2)

Season One Episode Twelve: Faith

A/N: hey guys, sorry the updates are slow. again, my lap[top is hnot letting me play videos on it? therefore i can’t work on it whenver i want to, but i promise they’kl keep coming and i will try to fix it! reblog if you enjoyed, thanks for reading i love u guys! let me know if you guys wanna be added to the taglist!

Summary: where one heart is saved but another is broken and guilt weighs on everyone because of it

Word Count:4.1k

You waited in the hospital room, one similar to the one Dean was in not too long ago, and paced back and forth. From the moment he woke up, Dean insisted that he felt fine. No symptoms of the heart condition that had plagued him only a day before but you and Sam both insisted that he get checked out.

“So you really feel okay?” Sam asked Dean, as he buttoned up his shirt after getting dressed.

“I feel fine, Sam,” Dean deadpanned, annoyed that he was there and annoyed that the two of you were bothering him. The doctor came back in, a pile of papers in her hands and she flipped through them before she spoke to double check.

“Well, according to your tests there’s nothing wrong with your heart,” she said, folding the papers under her arm. “Not that a man your age should be having heart trouble, but uh, it’s still strange - it does happen.”

“What do you mean strange?” Dean asked, picking at her choice of words probably just as much as she did before she decided to use them.

“Well, just yesterday, a young guy like you - 27, athletic - out of nowhere, heart attack,” she explained nonchalantly like it happens every day and if you didn’t know about the things that you did, maybe you would have just thought it was strange, too.

“Thanks, doc,” Dean excused her. She smiled and nodded at the three of you before leaving the room. Dean smacked his lips, tilted his head and looked at his brother. “That’s odd,” he said.

“Maybe it’s a coincidence,” Sam argued, shrugging his shoulders and not giving it more than a second thought but you saw the joy that was on his face from the doctor’s new diagnosis and you knew that his reluctance to question it was because of that. “People’s hearts give out all the time, man.”

“No, they don’t,” you told him, crossing your arms over your chest. You were right there with him last night, ecstatic and all smiles and ready to take on the world because your best friend wasn’t going to die but now it all seemed too suspicious.

“Do we really have to look this one in the mouth?” Sam asked, looking at you and then to Dean. You were both giving him the look. The look that said, are you kidding me right now? “Why can’t we just be thankful that the guy saved your life?”

“Because I can’t shake this feeling, that’s why,” Dean snapped, standing up from the exam bed and turning his back to you and Sam.

“What feeling?” Sam pried. You saw Dean take a deep breath as he finished rolling up his shirt sleeves.

“When I was healed, I just. I just felt…..wrong,” he explained. “I felt cold and for a second. For a second I swear I saw this old man. I’m telling you, guys. It was a spirit,” he said, throwing on his jacket and finally facing you again. He was telling the truth, you could tell from the look on his face and you felt the cold air, too, the moment he fell to the ground but you didn’t see a man and you didn’t have a strange feeling but you believed him.

“If there was something there, I would have seen it,” Sam argued. “I’ve been seen an awful lot of things lately.”

“No, I felt it, too. The hairs on my arms stood up and I felt something weird in the room but I didn’t think anything of it,” you told Sam, shaking your head but looking at Dean. You felt Sam’s eyes on you but you didn’t look at him.

“Yeah, excuse me, psychic wonder,” Dean interrupted you and snapped at his brother. “You’re just gonna have to have a a little faith on this one,” he said, using the words Sam said to him against him. “I’ve been hunting long enough to trust a feeling like this.”

“We do,” you told Dean, putting your hand on his chest and stepping between the boys. “I believe you alright?” Dean looked down at you and you nodded at him. “Sam, we’ll go check out the heart attack guy and Dean will go talk to the reverend. Yeah?” You ordered, looking back at Sam who sighed and then nodded, agreeing.

Your first visit was to the pool where the victim, Marshall, swam at every single day. At least according to the worker there that knew him fairly well. It was a local pool, small but clean. The whole thing smelled like chlorine and so did the employee that was walking you around. “Like I said, he swam every day, never smoked so a heart attack just seemed kind of bizarre.”

You left the locker rooms and went into the main pool area, where the floors were slippery and the air was hot. “You said he was running right before he collapsed?” Sam asked. You wondered how he was standing in this pool with a giant coat on when you were just wearing a sweater and you were sweating.

“Yeah, he was freaking out. Said something was after him,” he explained like it was the craziest thing ever but you knew better than that.

“What was it?” You pried.

“Thin air, that’s what. There wasn’t anything,” the man said. Sam thanked him for his time and you skipped up the steps to the pool area but you noticed the clock was wrong and the second hand wasn’t moving so you stopped Sam and turned back to the employee.

“Hey, your clock is broken,” you told him, pointing up at it.

“Yeah, we can’t get it working. Just froze at-” he paused and read the time. “4:17.”

“Is that the same time Marshall died?” Sam droned.

“How’d you know?” He asked, furrowing his brow and tilting his head. Sam looked at you and you gave him a tight-lipped smile, raising your own brows. 4:17 also happened to be the same time that Dean got healed and you knew that Sam wouldn’t find that a coincidence. Sam once again thanked the man and you guys left, finally in the cool air.

“Thank god we’re out of there, my clothes were starting to stick,” you complained, pulling the fabric off your arms and your torso. Sam’s eyes went to your hands and he watched intently. “What? Yours weren’t?”

Sam shook his head but less of an answer and more trying to shake whatever thoughts had bounced into his mind. “Let’s go back to the hotel,” Sam suggested and that’s exactly what you did. He talked the whole time, listing possibilities off to you like they were his to-do list. You nodded, listening but not really.

He pulled out his laptop the second you got into the room but you closed the screen just as quickly as he opened it. “What?” He asked, looking up at you. You knew he was eager to look into it and he wanted to do it before any of the details left his mind but you couldn’t focus on the case anymore because the only details that were in your mind were the way his breath felt against your lips and how warm his hands were on your waist.

It had been a week since the almost-kiss and you hadn’t talked about it at all. Not even a small mention and you gave it time to sit and marinate because of John and then Sam left and then Dean but now Dean was fine and you needed to get it off of your chest. “Are we ever going to talk about it?” You asked.

“Talk about what?”

“You almost kissed me,” you reminded him, your heart racing as the words left your mouth. It was more nerve-wracking than you thought it was going to be actually saying it out loud. In your head, you would it say loud and proud and you wouldn’t be scared of what he was going to say next or how his eyes were looking at you but in real life, it came out as barely a whisper and your hands were sweating because his eyes were looking deep into yours and he was smiling.

“Yeah, I know I did,” he said, smirking up at you. He was sitting down so for once, you were taller than him but not by much.

“But we didn’t because of your dad so why haven’t you tried again?” You felt bolder as time went on and Sam’s smile just kept growing. He put his hand on top of yours that was resting on the top of the laptop screen so he couldn’t re-open it and avoid this conversation and you thought he was going to grab it and move it but he squeezed it, instead.

“When would I have had time to do that? We’re busy, y/n. And I want it to be perfect,” he whispered, his eyes checking the door to make sure that Dean wasn’t going to barge in, probably but he was still holding your hand.

“And in a dirty hotel bed at 4 in the morning was perfect?”

“No. So I’m glad it didn’t happen and you’ll just have to wait for it now,” he teased, finally moving your hand and opening the laptop up. He started typing away and then the moment was gone so you pulled up a chair next to him and watched over his shoulder and it was game on.

You brushed your hand over his knuckles when you’d point to something on the screen and you exposed your neck right in front of his lips and when you’d whisper to him, you’d whisper so close that he could feel your lips on his earlobe and you could tell you were distracting him but he was persistent in his work.

You knew, however, that this was important so you did your research too and you found a list of all the people that were healed and wrote down every single detail and when Dean came into the room, he threw his jacket on the bed. “What’d you find out?” He sounded exhausted.

“Well, I’m sorry to tell you this but Marshall died at 4:17,” you told him, tapping your pen on the table, starting with the easy facts first.

“The same exact time I was healed?” Dean asked. You nodded in response and Sam grabbed the stack of papers that you had accumulated during your research.

“We got a list of every person that was healed. Six people over the past year - and we cross-checked them with the local paper,” Sam explained. Although you had your fun in the beginning, the more you dug up about the case and the Reverend, the sadder the atmosphere was.

“Every time someone was healed, someone else died, from the same symptoms that the Reverend was healing at the time,” you explained, pursing your lips out in a pout.

“Someone is healed of cancer and then someone else dies of cancer?” Dean asked, looking through the papers. You nodded at him and somehow, the energy in the room got even thicker with his sadness.

“Somehow, Le Grange is trading one life for another.” Sam’s eyes were wet and your heart was heavy because this was exactly the news that Dean did not want to hear. You knew just as well as Sam did that this would weigh on him heavier than any other explanation.

“So Marshall died to save me?” Dean asked, raising his voice.

“He probably would have died anyway,” Sam whispered, trying to make it better but he couldn’t. “Someone else would have been healed,” he tried.

He was right, of course. Just because Dean was the one who got healed, didn’t mean that it wouldn’t have happened to someone else but he didn’t see it that way. He threw the papers on the bed and looked at the two of you. “You shouldn’t have brought me here,” he said.

“I was just trying to save your life,” Sam pleaded. You could see his hands shaking.

“Sam, some guy is dead now because of me!” Dean yelled.

“We didn’t know that this what was happening, okay? It’s not Sam’s fault,” you defended him, standing up out of your own chair and looking at Dean. Everyone was feeling guilty, not just Dean. Sam felt it, too, for bringing him here and you felt it for believing in Sam and it was all for these boys. You did it all for them and now you were paying the price.

Dean sat down on the bed, calming down a little bit because all that was left to do was figure out how to stop it. “I just don’t get how Roy is doing it. How is he trading one life for another?” Sam brainstormed.

“He’s not. Someone else is doing it for him,” Dean said, little expression in his voice as he searched his brain.

“That old man you saw,” you finished his thought and he nodded, biting the inside of his mouth.

“I didn’t wanna believe it but deep down, I knew it,” Dean said, looking blankly at the ground.

“What are you talking about?” Sam asked, frantic for answers because he wanted to fix it. He wanted to stop feeling guilty for this and for everything. He felt the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“There’s only one thing that can give and take life like that,” Dean explained, putting his hands on the table and leaning on them, getting closer to you and Sam.

“A reaper,” you whispered, again finishing his thought because that’s what you did. After years of hunting together, it was like you could read his mind and he could read yours. He nodded at you, pressing his lips together. You had read about them in the journals and remember John breifly talking about them in the past but you had never dealt wih one and neither had Dean.

You got all the books and read the all the articles you could find about reapers and the pictures of it were creepy and dark and gave you the chills. “You really think we’re dealing witht he actual Grim Reaper? Like the angel of deaath, collect your soul, the whole deal?” Sam asked.

“No, not the reaper. A reaper,” Dean corrected. “There’s reaper lore in every culture on Earth,” he explained. “They go by about a hundred different names. It’s possible that there’s more than one.”

“You said it was a dude in a suit?” Sam asked, leaning with his elbow propped on the table as he scrolled through web articles. He had bags under his eyes and his hair was messy but you sat next to him and the entire time, you thought about his hands on you.

“You think he should have been working the whole black robe thing?” Dean asked sarcastically. You rolled your eyes at him but laughed and Sam glared at you but he covered his mouth to hide his smile. “You said it yourself the clock stopped, right?” Dean asked, looking at you. You nodded. “Reapers stop time.” He said, holding up a piece of paper with a drawing of a reaper. “You can only seem them when they’re coming after you and that’s why I could see him and you guys couldn’t.” That didn’t explain why you could feel his energy but you didn’t bring that up because it made things more complicated than it needed to be.

“Maybe,” Sam mumbled, rubbing his hand over his chin.

“There’s nothing else it could be, Sam. The question is, how is Roy controlling the damn thing?” Dean wondered. You put your hand on Sam’s thigh under the table and he looked over at you and you nodded, reassuring him that you were on the right track even if he did have his reservations. You could almost see it, the lightbulb in his brain going off the moment it did.

“The cross,” he whispered.

“What?” Dean asked, looking at you but you shrugged.

“The cross. There was this cross I noticed in the church tent,” he explained, rummaging through his papers and pulled out a stack of tarot cards and sifted through them until he found the right one. He chuckled and showed it to you and then to Dean.

“Tarot?” Dean asked, now it was his turn to be skeptical.

“It makes sense. Tarot dates back to the early Christian era, when some priests were using magic and a few veered into the dark stuff - necromancy and how to push death away, how to cause it,” Sam explained. You watching his mouth move up and down and wanted to kiss his lips because now he was smiling and he was onto something and he loved that.

“So Roy is using black magic to bind the reaper?” Dean asked, flipping the card over in his hand.

“If he is, he’s riding the wirlwind,” Sam said, taking the card back and putting in the stack with the others. “It’s like putting a dog leash on a great white,” Sam explained.

Dean stood up from his chair and put his mug of coffee in the sink. He sighed and turned around, leaning back against the sink and looked at you and Sam with a hard expression. “So, we stop Roy.”

“How?” You asked.

“You know how.”

“What the hell are you talking about? We can’t kill Roy,” Sam said, causing your head to snap and it was the first time that you hadn’t been able to tell what Dean was thinking and maybe it was the guilt speaking or the fact that he was so mad that someone would do something like that but that was never the answer.

“This guy is playing God - deciding who lives and who dies. That’s a monster in my book,” Dean explained, no emotion in his voice except anger.

“No, we’re not gonna kill a human being, Dean,” you argued with him. “We do and we’re no better than he is,” he reminded him. You were in this job to save people and maybe survivors guilt is getting to his head but killing another person wasn’t the answer and you knew, deep down, Dean knew that, too.

“Okay, so we can’t kill Roy, we can’t kill death. Any bright ideas, girl?” He was snappy and rude and you stood up, pushing your chair back, scoffing. The legs of the chair scratched the floor but you didn’t care.

“What the hell-” You started but Sam grabbed your hand and stopped you.

“Okay,” he raised his voice, pulling your arm down so you’d sit back on the chair next to him. “If Roy is using some kind of black spell on the reaper, we just got to figure out what it is and how to break it,” Sam explained as if it was that easy.

“Why do you have to be such a jerk sometimes,” you asked Dean, ignoring Sam’s suggestion.

“Why do you have to be such a baby? Sometimes we gotta do the hard stuff, it’s not always fun and cuddling with Sam,” Dean snapped at you, pushing off the sink.

“Guys,” Sam interjected again. For once, he was playing the referee and not you but you didn’t like being on this end of it, either. “Can we figure this out first and fight later?”

The service was about the start and there were people filing into the tent. You saw some of the same people you saw the last time you were here, again hoping for their chance to be healed. The same protester was there, handing out flyers and the three of you took one, praising his work. “Keep up the nice work,” Sam said, patting him on the back.

Part of you felt guilty for this. Not stopping Roy, but stopping him after you got what you wanted from him. Was it fair that you let Dean get healed but you’re stopping everyone else from being healed? It wasn’t and that thought weighed on you as you snuck around Roy’s house, waiting for him to leave for the service.

Once they did, you and Sam snuck into the house through an open window. “Maybe we should check the library, first,” you suggested as Sam glanced around the living room. There were books all over the place but nothing that looked anything like a spell book which is what you were looking for. You figured that he had to get a spell from somewhere and it was your and Sam’s job to figure out where while Dean stalled the service.

The library was filled with books which you found odd because Roy was blind but there was dust littering all of them. You ran your fingers over the binding of all of them, up and down, reading the words printed on them.

Something was pulling you towards the center of the bookshelf. A feeling, deep in your gut. As you continued on, a sinking feeling began to take over. Like your heart was racing faster but also getting heavier so it was travelling down your throat and into your stomach. The dust was absent in front of one book and one book only. “This one,” you said, pointing at it. Sam took it out and read the cover but it was nothing. “It has to be,” you mumbled, looking at the empty hole.

Sam noticed the dust, too. He ran his fingers through it and the feeling was getting more and more intense it started to hurt your brain and you felt cold and then you saw something pushed up against the back of the shelf. “What’s that?” You asked, reaching it to grab it.

When your fingers touched it, the feeling went away. There was no remains of it at all. No aftermath. Just gone. You opened the small book and pages fell out. Pages and pages of news articles. One about an openly gay teacher and another about an abortion supporter and then another, about the protester that sat in front of the church.

Sam flipped through the pages of the book and sure enough, there were spells written all over the place. He showed you one page in partcicular, that had a dog ear in the top corner and a picture of a reaper, similar to the one that you were looking at a few hours ago. “There’s the cross,” Sam pointed out.

“You think these are the victims?” You asked, showing him the articles. “People he thinks are sinning?” Sam didn’t answer, instead, he grabbed all the papers and the book and started back towards the window. You followed him and as soon as you hit sunlight, he called Dean.

“What do you got?” Dean’s voice was a muffled mess on the other line, but you could hear it.

“Roy’s chosing victims that he sees as immoral. I think we know who his next victim is gonna be,” Sam explained, rushing through the yard to get to the tent. You checked in every car for anyone that could be listening, but it was all empty.

“The protestor,” Dean answered.

“Yeah, but we’ll find him but you can’t let Roy heal anyone, all right?” Sam told him and then hung up, leaving it all on Dean’s shoulders to stop whatever was going to happen next inside that tent.

You scanned every car for him as the music from inside the tent stopped and then started again but it was a vacant lot. There was nothing and then a loud yell, “HELP!”

You whipped your head around in the direction of the noise but all you saw was cars. “Do you see him?” You asked Sam, who towered a whole foot above you and could see over the tops of the cars. He nodded and grabbed your hand, pulling you around a yellow car and down the row and then you saw him.

He was running, looking back at nothing but calling for help. Sam caught up to him and the feeling came back. A dark, cold, wash came over you. “Where is he?” Sam asked, looking around frantically but there was nothing.

“Right there!” The protester said, pointing down the row of cars. You couldn’t see it and Sam couldn’t see it, but you nodded and pulled the guy in the opposite direction anyway and kept running.

After a few moments, he seemed to calm down and then the phone rang. It was Dean. “I did it. I stopped the service,” Dean said to you over the phone.

“I think it’s okay,” you said to Sam and the protester, reiterating what Dean had told you. The guy let out a sigh of relief and he looked around with no panic in his eyes until he turned 180 degrees and then he fell to his knees. “It didn’t work!”

tagged: @matchamendes @stuckupstucky @sillydecoy @kaelyn-lobrutto24@liztorr1212 @icanreadbookstoo @rachael-mae @jessewa26

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woo-svt · 6 years

Text

13 Nights of Halloween Masterlist

Day 4 -- 🎃 22 OCT - Hansol (fluff/humor) “HOLY MOTHERF- IT BIT ME!”

“Well aren’t you just the cutest thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on.”

You smile proudly, looking fondly upon your puppy who you just placed into a Halloween costume you picked up from your local pet store. Now the small dog looks extra festive for the season, a sweet angel costume adoring her figure.

“Okay, let’s take you out.” You say, still excited about her getup. After getting her on her leash you walk out of the door of your apartment, ready to get on the elevator to the bottom floor.

Locking your door behind you, you notice your neighbor unlocking his own door. You’ve lived next to each other for a while but you knew nothing about him, only noting that he seemed to be around your age. You send him a small polite small as a greeting to which he returns before taking in your dog. “Is she yours?” he asks gesturing to the excited pup at your feet. Feeling your chest well up with pride, you smile, “Yes.” He nods once before looking back at you, “So you’re the neighbor with the annoying dog who likes to bark when I’m trying to study.”

The smile automatically leave your face and a glare makes it way on your face. “Excuse me?” He lets out a chuckle, “Your dog barks when I’m studying, it’s annoying.” He keeps a smile on his face but you were anything but amused. “Yeah, well she’s a puppy.” you snap, “She’s still being trained.” You move to walk to the elevator done with the conversation. But before you get there you turn back around, “And she’s not even as bad as half of the dogs in this building.” You glare. He laughs at you while you push the button. “Have a nice day.” he simply days before entering his home. “Oh fuck off,” you whisper more to yourself but directed at your new least favorite person.

You don’t see your neighbor again for a week.

But when you meet up again you're less than happy to, still holding a grudge from your last encounter. No one insults your puppy and gets away with it.

You move quickly to your door trying to avoid him and he gets his mail, though it doesn’t go as you planned. “Hey!” he calls and you look over at him the cheerful smile on his face somehow putting you in a bad mood. You merely grunt in response, directing your attention back to your keys. He chuckles and moves closer to you, “You’re still mad at me?”

Your gaze moves to glare at the boy who is now standing beside your door, “Of course I am. You insulted my dog, you jerk. Who does that?” You meant to snap at him but you sound sadder than you do angry.

The smile on his face drops when realizing how upset he made you, “I’m sorry.” He says and you’re surprised by the genuine tone of his voice. “I was joking really, I was just trying to strike up a conversation with you.” A frown places itself on your lips, “And you couldn’t have thought of a better way to make a first impression?”

A breathless laugh leaves his lips as his hand moves up to run over the back of his neck. “I’m sorry, really. I was trying to be funny. I didn’t mean to come off rude. Can you forgive me? I don’t really want my cute neighbor to hate me.” You sigh, still focusing on your door you have still yet to unlock, not even picking up the compliment he gave you. “My name is Hansol, nice to meet you.” He sticks his hand out giving you a small smile. You take a second to observe his hand before taking it in your grasp telling him your name as well.

“So am I forgiven?” His smile brightens. “No, not yet,” you say finally opening your door. The smile falters on his face before you speak again, “You have to come to apologize to my puppy for being mean to her. You hurt her feelings.” He laughs at you clearly thinking you were joking.

“Wait, seriously?” he asks once he sees how your face stays serious. You nod your head, pushing your door open and gesturing for him to enter.

And he does, you following behind him. Your pup makes herself present by barking at the stranger, how ironic.

“Hello, love,” you say kneeling down to greet your dog, “Look who is here. The mean neighbor guy has come to apologize to you.” You coo at her, petting her head. Hansol hums, following your lead and leaning down, “Hi, puppy,” he says sticking his hand out for the dog to smell. Though it seems she still has a grudge against him too because instead of smelling his hand like he had intended, she quickly lurches forward to bite his finger.

“HOLY MOTHERF- IT BIT ME!”

Scared by the sudden reaction, Hansol quickly pulls back nearing falling on his ass. You laugh loudly at him, only because you knew the puppies baby teeth could cause no real harm to him. He was merely surprised.

He looks at you in shock, his hand not in pain but his heart racing from the scare. “See, you shouldn’t have called her annoying.” You say in your baby voice, still focusing on your pup. Seeing at your lack of worry for him, he examines his hand seeing there wasn’t even a mark left. He clears his throat, “Okay, I’m so sorry puppy. I guess I deserved that. Please, forgive me.” He says but refrains from trying to pet her this time.

“I don’t know if she’ll forgive you right away, it’ll probably take some time.” You tease him, standing up to place your belongings down.

He follows in suit, “I guess I’ll just have to see her more often.” he smirks and you hum in response, “I guess so.”

You both stand in silence for a minute admiring how your puppy has gotten herself a toy to play with, that’s when you realize.

“Wait,” you turn to your neighbor, “Did you call me cute earlier?”

He smirks, “Geez, did you just realize that?”

“Hey,” he says quickly after, “Don’t you think that angel costume is a little deceiving?”

☞ [feedback is appreciated]

#mine #seventeen #vernon #hansol #seventeen fanfic #seventeen imagine #seventeen one shot #seventeen fluff #seventeen drabbles #seventeen drabble #vernon drabble #vernon imagine #vernon fluff #vernon fanfic #hansol fanifc #hansol drabble

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yumidarkheart · 5 years

Note

k for the fandom ask!

send me a fandom and i’ll tell you…

The first character i ever fell in love with:

I’m not gonna lie... My first K love was Isana Yashiro (adolf) and I still love him...But the red idiots stole my heart lmao.

A character that i used to love/like, but now do not:

Akiyama Himori.I still like him...But idk, at some point I started to see him as a plain character ans stopped paying attention to him

A ship that i used to love/like, but now do not:

KuroKuri (Kuroh x Kukuri)I don’t hate it on the actual day but I just slowly forgot about it and now it’s kind of meh for me(?)

My ultimate favorite character™:

In this especific order and I can’t talk about faves without think on the other two(?)

- Eric Surt/Soult/whatever go-go wants to call him(?)

Gif by @mikoto-tatara (direct tag since the gif search never give me the actual gif -.-)

- Kushina Anna

- Neko (Ameno Miyabi)

Prettiest character:

Everyone in this effing series is pretty tbh...But if I have to choose I’ll say neko without think twice for the girls

And Hisui nagare for the boys

My most hated character:

Mizuchi for being an asshole who experimented on a poor child and pretty much killed her parents when she tried to scape from that hell and also fucked up her whole life (Thanks god homra appeared on the escenario).

I also kinda hate Niki, he as a character is really interesting in the novels but them the movie appeared and I just get exasperated xDU

My OTP:

FUJIERIC FTW!!!

I also like MikoTotsu, Mikoizutotsu, IzuSeri and KuroShiro lol.And the abc homra boys ships in general because I’m a multishipper sucker lmao.

My NOTP:

I couldn’t call it a NOTP, but I’m not a big sarumi fan (blame facebook latinamerican fans).Also ANY SHIP related to Anna that isn’t sukuanna.Also any ship with neko, to me she is mentally a kid, ship her with anyone on me has the same effect as ship Anna with anyone from the main cast and totally repulses me.

Favorite episode:

K Memory of Red: Chapter 6 & 7 (Basashi Panic)

K project: 01. Knight (Great exposition) & 06. Karma (I like to hurt myself with my 2 fav clans lol)

K Return of Kings: 01. Knave (cuz homra foes speaking and interacting and I’ll admit it...I fell for the fanservice of the first part with everyone fighting and I keep laughing over Awashima shameless hentai like fanservice because my humor sense sucks) & 09. Kids Room (Interesting plot points and the formal izuseri it’s a A+++)

K Seven Stories: Memory of Red: BURN.

Saddest death:

Mikoto’s death...I mean Totsuka’s death hurts as hell and after MoR (Manga and movie) it’s painful as fuck, but it’s a plot point and it was an announced event years before it happened by Anna, so even if it’s painful and everytime I see it I cry a little, Mikoto’s death it’s sadder for me.He is a man with a serious depression that was never treaten, his biggest “stabilizer” was one of his best friends who was a frigging moron. His friend gets murdered, and in a horrible way, it was recorded and it was in the birthday eve of one of his most dearest people on his life, Anna. He get unstable and get blinded by the rage and pain and only wanted revenge, even if that means he can die in the process and let his other best friend behind with a little girl and all this boys who stimated him so much. Then he finally get his revenge but hw knows he can’t scape his fate, no matter how he see it he can only die, so he practically forced one of the persons he trusted the most to finish what he started, knowing there could be consecuences but just giving up since he knows he can’t do anything else. Giving his last words to the one he knows would be more affected for his actions because she will be now alone in a colorless world.

Yeah when you compare the contexts...Mikoto’s death it’s hella sad...

(I also think nagare’s death was sad but I’m more salty over how slightly unfair it was rather than how sad it was)

Favorite season:

Season one. K project, even with a lowest bucked have a better direction on scenes, fights and script. The fanservice wasn’t obsene at all, Go Hands didn’t abused of the CGI and managed to make a good balance between CGI, photography and actual classic animation and gives you an interesting mistery that even if you could solve it in like chapter 4 still makes you wonder what is going to happen.

Least favorite season:

K Return of Kings.

MAN I HAVE A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH THIS SEASON I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE THE HECK TO START OKAY!!!???

It has a horrible script direction, things start ridicoulusly slow and then it’s like gora remembered they only have 13 chapters to finish it all and make everything so fast its absurb. it took 4 CHAPTERS for the actual protagonist to appear and even when shiro appeared it didn’t gives a big impact until chapter 6 or something like that. Nagare it’s an interesting antagonist but the way go/go settle him don’t give much chance for people to care much about his cause until the last shapters (and it was because they aired Dream of Green at the same time of the series itself because if not it would be hard to get attached to the green clan out of certain escenes) and then the friggin kings battle of the tower came.

MAN I HAVE SO MANY PROBLEMS WITH THIS BATTLE!!!

Munakata and Iwafune’s fight it’s good, it’s normal to think iwa-san have more experience in batlle since after Adolf, he is the oldest king there, he is from an old generation of kings and participated on the kagutsu disaster and lost everything there, and for the aparent nature of his powers it’s kiiind of credible for him to overcome munakata sicne he can go on a offensive and defensive way thanks to his fog thing...BUT WHAT IT’S THE EXCUSE FOR THEY TO JUST PUT ANNA AND SHIRO ASIDE!? I’m sorry go/go I’m not going to swallow that thing that iwafune’s sadness it’s so frigging strong to let anna unable to move. Yeah, she is empathetic, she can feel other people emotions and read minds for her strain powers. But thats a excuse and we all know it, you just didn’t know what to do with the little bird lolita who can use fire and with her aura put on a complicated corner iwafune because he can hide but not scape a fire wall. I can understand shiro step back since he is a pacifist and it’s not used to fight, but you showed us Anna learned to fight and use her aura for offense so if you’re not going to use her i could be better to idk, actually knock her out not inmovilize her with iwafune’s crippling depression??Also what’s the excuse for neither Kuroh or Shiro to stop the effing elicopter with the slate when it was in a close height???? Seriously the plot conveniences on that chapter are so much that it stressing and more when you did it so great on the first season and even on the movie before this???

And I could be rambling about the script problems for hours but I’m not a youtuber and neither a critic so I’ll let it here for this...

Also don’t make me start with the fanservice... Ussually I don’t pay mind on fanservice, I even find it hilarant, but here was so overbold and in your face it was actually irritating.

Character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but I hate am not so invested in:

Yata and Saruhiko, I don’t hate them but I’m just not sooo invested in them as the whole fandom is. LSW make me understand them better and stop hating them but still if I can choose, I can keep ignoring their existence and it isn’t going to affect at all y fandom experience.

My ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave:

Can I say Eric and his sass tongue? no?Okay then, Shizume’s don juan Yoh Chitose and his impulsive ass of a king Suoh Mikoto lol

My ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave:

Totsuka Tatara even if he is more like a SINnamon roll...But he actually deserved better lol.Also Anna, please let this kid have a rest with her family full of stupid big brothers and her step father the stressed bartender who is going to kick everyone with a chancla at this rate after get drunk(?).

Also Fujishima just for that short story with the friggin octopus, the baby just wanted a pet why you’re so cruel gora???(?)

My ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship:

Any ship with that surpass the father like relationships.Read as: MikoAnna, IzuAnna,ShiNeko, IwaHi (Iwafune x Nagare), IwaSuku.Also any ship between the main cast and the underage characters.Read as: SaruAnna, YataAnna, NagaSuku, YukaSuku.

My ‘they’re kind of cute, and I lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship:

- ReiSeri. I see them more as co-wrkers but they have cute shipping material.

- AkiSaru. I ship them for the aesthetic lol.

- YukarixNagare (I forgot the ship name lol). They’re cute and have a good chemical, but I’m not that invested into them.

- Most of ABC scepter4 ships. Sorry I’m not too invested in this clan but they have good shipping material that I can appreciate even if they’re not my favs.

#Anonymous #k dumb post #talking fabz

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imightbeapotatobutihavestandards · 6 years

Text

He’s Hurting Me Pt 9

Summary: Logan begins to get worried when Patton ditched both him and Roman, without even a text. He knows something’s wrong, so he finally goes to see him. Desperate to help.

This chapter is freaking long guys, honestly I’m sorry. They’re usually like 1500 words... this is over 5000... I got a bit carried away.

Warnings: Lots of talk about abuse, violence, sexual abuse, cuts/scars, panic attacks

Part 9

Logan wasn’t mad when Patton didn’t show up for coffee the next day. He’d tapped his fingers repeatedly on the table, checked his watch, messaged him. Nothing. He called him. Nothing. That wasn’t odd, Patton often forgot to charge his phone, or turn it on, or even answer. Never on purpose, it just slipped his mind as his phone wasn’t that important to him, he was the opposite of Roman and Virgil in that respect. What was odd, wasn’t Patton blowing him off. It had happened so many times by now, something would come up last minute, something usually to do with Mike. What was odd, was Patton not notifying him before. Patton was the kindest, sweetest person Logan had ever met, and he’d never want Logan to waste his valuable time, sitting alone, upset and embarrassed in a coffee shop, he’d have told him as soon as possible. But Logan wasn’t mad that Patton had just left him, in the coffee shop, by himself.

Logan wasn’t mad when Patton did the same to Roman. The following Monday, Roman sat alone, waiting for his friend to appear. But he never showed up. Roman tried calling him, but nothing. Defeated, he’d messaged Logan and left, picking up an extra ice coffee for Virgil on his way out. Logan felt a familiar feeling bubbling up in him again, pulsing through him. But Logan wasn’t mad, not at all.

Logan wasn’t mad when he discovered Patton hadn’t been at work for that past week. It was Thursday by the time Logan managed to get to the cafe before it closed. It was coming up to exam season and Logan had been desperately grading essays, homework, extra revision, and trying to help each student individually, trying to find ways to explain things better for them. He’d been desperate to see Patton, but by the time he’d left the school, it was already too late. Thankfully, come Thursday he’d only had to briefly explain red shift to a student after class, then he was free to go. He’d usually have lessons to plan, but not tonight. He rushed to his car and made his way to the café, he’d practically sprinted to the door, swinging it open in a dramatic Roman-esque fashion. There only were a few customers, most of them being students, happily chatting and sipping coffee in the comfortable café. Thomas, Patton’s older brother, was casually wiping down the deep brown counter, he looked up through his fringe, grinning brightly when he saw Logan.

“Hey, Logan!” He smiled that bright smile the Sanders’ seemed to possess, an infectiously beautiful smile. “What can I do for you?”

“Salutations, Thomas. I was actually looking for your brother.”

“Oh.” Thomas seemed very confused, tilting his head the smallest bit to the side. “He’s-um, he’s not been in. For the whole week. Mike called up and told me he was ill.”

Breath caught in Logan’s throat, it took everything in him to keep his voice level and face emotionless. “Mike told you?”

“Well, yeah, is something wrong?” Thomas asked, putting down the cloth and standing up straight, concern lacing his voice.

“I’m not sure.” Logan replied honestly. “I’ll stop by his on my way home. Don’t worry about it Thomas, I’ll text you when I see him.” He turned to leave.

“Alright, take care of him Logan.” Thomas replied, eyebrows still knitted together in concern, posture still straight as a blade.

“I will.”

Logan wasn’t mad. Logan was terrified. Patton hated missing work, he loved that café too much, and he loved spending time with Thomas. Patton would come in deathly pale, barely able to stay on his feet, and Thomas would have to call Virgil, or even on the occasion they were free, Roman and Logan, to force Patton home. Something didn’t feel right. The teacher wasn’t one to panic easily, and certainly wasn’t one to jump to conclusions, but he was sure there was something deeply wrong going on, and it made him feel physically sick. The thought of Patton; sweet, wonderful Patton, getting hurt in any way, seemed so unthinkable, but Logan knew it had been happening for a while. His grip on the steering wheel tightened, his knuckles turning white, his self-restraint working overtime to stop him from hunting Mike down right then and there. Again, Logan wasn’t one for jumping to conclusions, and here he was so convinced of Mike’s hidden malicious nature, with only circumstantial evidence, however, when it came to Patton, Logan wasn’t always the most reasonable. The young man just did something to him, something that could sometimes cloud his cynical thoughts, or interfere with his insecurities, something that made him feel the need to protect the little ray of sunshine.

By the time Logan pulled up in Patton’s driveway, his usually restricted emotions seemed to be running riot in him. It was a containable riot, but a riot none the less. His thoughts seemed to spiral from fear and worry, to rage at Mike, to utter confusion at why he felt like everything was crumbling around him when he hadn’t even spoke to Patton yet. Logan paused, taking a deep breath and counting to ten, steeling himself and trying to calm his revolting emotions. He tried desperately to think reasonably as he knocked on the bright blue door, already preparing for several different situations.

Logan wasn’t sure why he hadn’t expected the door to pull open slowly and cautiously. But it did. Patton’s head peeked through the gap, clearly confused, his eyes looking lost and a little scared. His expression changed completely upon seeing Logan, and he swung the door open fully, revealing his full body.

“Logan?” Patton asked, eyebrows furrowing together. “Wh…why are you-“ Patton cut himself off as he noticed his friend’s horrified expression. He followed the taller’s eyes to his bandaged wrists, panic beginning to settle.

Instinctively he drew back, hiding his arms behind his back, mind searching through a million excuses, but it was too late, Logan had seen and was advancing towards him as he fumbled for words. Patton was so lost he had faded out for a moment, and suddenly all he knew was a figure was close to him, he was holding out a hand, he was reaching for him, Patton’s heart leapt and he jerked backwards, cowering, expecting pain. Logan stopped dead in his tracks, looking at Patton heartbroken.

“Patton, please can I see your hand?” Logan’s voice sounded so much softer, so much sadder than he’d heard it in a while. The taller man stepped inside the house and shut the door, cutting off the outside world, much to the other’s relief. Patton shakily complied, praying to anyone who would listen that Logan wouldn’t freak out.

But he wasn’t a religious man.

Logan carefully unwrapped the bandages, inspecting the wounds, he couldn’t help the slight relief upon realising they weren’t self-inflicted, so what caused them? The cuts were uneven, some deep, some not, some already seemed pretty much healed. One of his wrists was also bruised, the soft freckled skin stained with deep purple, vivid blues and sickening yellows. Logan seemed to jump through so many possibilities, eliminating several as a new theory popped up. Whatever the cause, right now, it didn’t matter, because one conclusion always stayed the same: who had done it. Logan felt that bubble of rage in his stomach, his worry for his friend made him attempt to swallow it down, but it never seemed to subside.

“Patton when did you last change these bandages?” Logan practically growled, not daring to meet Patton’s eyes. He knew his tone would already scare the poor man enough, let alone the fire burning behind his eyes. Like he predicted, Patton flinched slightly, causing a part of the teacher to shatter, dulling the flames eating at him by a little, not enough though.

“U-um…” Patton squeaked, desperately searching his mind for the last time he’d dared look at his aching arms. He realised, with regret, he hadn’t changed them since they’d first been bandaged, he’d been too intimidated by what it meant, it taunted him of what had happened. How he’d caused Mike to lash out. How he’d gotten himself hurt. How it was all his fault… wasn’t it?

“Sunday?” Patton said, though it came out like a question. He could feel Logan sigh heavily, his voice softened suddenly with protectiveness as he spoke.

“Please sit down.” He then walked to where he knew Patton kept his bandages.

Logan knew he had to contain himself, he hated how he’d scared Patton already. The young man had been through enough. Collecting supplies he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and counted to ten. He could deal with his anger later, his first priority is Patton. His thoughts quickly flickered back to all the times the protective younger man had fought for him, how when Logan had thought he was trapped Patton had grabbed his hand and they’d ran, how Patton never failed to come up with an awful pun in every situation, how he’d smile so brightly it was almost blinding. He felt relief run through him, just for a moment, dimming the fires. He kept thinking, kept trying to calm himself, for Patton. He thought back to the first time he’d openly cried around Patton, felt the pressure release as he finally just collapsed into caring arms. He winced again remembering the pained expression when he’d shown Patton his scar, and how his face had changed to utter heartbreak when he told him it was of his own father’s doing. Logan vividly remembered how everything he’d tried to keep hidden so desperately for all those years of his life suddenly came spilling out, how everything so ugly and pitiful just fell from his mouth because he was so unable to stop it, and because Patton was so ready to listen.

*Flashback because somehow Logan’s backstory made it here*

Logan allowed himself to think back to what had happened after that. Patton had begged him to get out of that house but Logan couldn’t, it would mean leaving his father alone. Logan’s mother had died in a car accident when he was younger, and since he had always been blamed for it, so he understood where his father’s aggression came from, and despite all the fear he harboured towards him, he loved him, he couldn’t abandon him, leave him truly alone. At least he couldn’t until that night. The night of his mother’s birthday, when his father all but drowned himself in cheap liquor and allowed himself to stew in his awful mood, he was so much more unstable than usual. Logan remembered crawling to bed when the older man had finally let him go, the one place he was safe was in his room. He had finally allowed himself to curl into a ball cradling his bruising arm, when he’d heard heavy footsteps. He tensed and froze automatically, squeezing his eyes shut, knowing if he just pretended to be asleep his father wouldn’t care, like usual. But that wasn’t the case that night. The steps continued, he heard them draw closer and closer, he remained paralysed as his door swung open. His limbs were stuck entirely, like every muscle had just stopped working. He’d hoped his father would just leave, but he didn’t. He felt a hatred filled gaze that was cast at him, and something icy cold crawled up his spine. Suddenly out of nowhere he felt a weight on him, and arms forcing him to turn onto his back. He’d snapped his eyes open, only to be met with blurry dark shapes, without even realising it he reached for his glasses, scooping them off his bed side table and trying to sit up. The arms knocked the glasses from his hands, and pined him against the bed. He wasn’t sure what was happening.

Logan remembered vividly the constricting feeling of arms on him, the fear of the unknown, how he’d screamed as loud as possible and how the sound had been muffled with panic. His father was shouting something at him. He was shaking him, a bruising grip on his arms.

Nononononononono.

That was all he could process. His defiance.

Nononononononono.

He frantically flung his arms anywhere, reaching for anything he could find. His hands closed around something on his table, it was heavy and an odd shape, he didn’t have time to process what it was. He desperately attempted to grab it, eventually managing to curl his fingers around the odd shape. With all his strength he smashed it heavily against his attacker, hearing a violent smash. It was his lamp. He didn’t have time to care. The weight fell off him, as soon as he could move he was up. He scooped his glasses from the floor and sprinted down the stairs, stumbling and hitting the wall as he went. He needed something, where was his phone? Clothes? Keys? Had to get out. Needed basics. There’s the door. Can’t leave yet. Footsteps. Phone.

Logan grabbed his school bag, knowing it had a fair amount of necessary items and hurtled himself towards the door. He ran through the darkness, barely noticing the tears, he just ran and ran and ran. His mind barely processing anything other than his feet meeting the pavement. He just ran. Until he stopped. Vague recognition seeped into his clouded mind. He’d barely had time to breathe, his mind focusing on his feet again and forcing him to walk forwards. He couldn’t comprehend anything until he knocked on the door, and by some miracle, it opened.

A ruffled Patton in pyjama bottoms, a pale blue hoody and slightly tilted glasses stood before him, and in that moment more than ever, he looked like an angel. Logan collapsed onto him, crying, sobbing embarrassingly loud, but he didn’t care, and neither did Patton.

It had taken a while to feel safe again, except when he was with Patton. Patton had helped him so much; encouraged him to see a therapist, to find his aunt, to tell people. Without Patton, Logan wasn’t sure what would have happened, so now he needed to repay him.

Logan sighed, finally leaving with the supplies to see Patton with his head hung, sat on the sofa. Logan’s hands were no longer balled into fists, his knuckles no longer white, and his rage no longer uncontrollable. Instead he was overwhelmed by the urge to hug Patton closely to him, to convince him he was safe now and wrap a blanket around his shoulders. He wanted to return to Patton, what he had given him so long ago. He wanted Patton to feel heard and secure and that maybe things would be okay. Everything Patton had been so desperate to hide, Logan wanted it freed, because he knew the relief he’d feel. More than anything, he wanted Patton to be happy, because that man deserved the world.

Tentatively he stepped closer, voicelessly sitting next to his friend. The teacher winced as the smaller man beside him flinched, eyes wide and brimming with fear, he could practically hear his beating heart.

“Don’t worry Patton, it’s simply me.” He stated, wincing again, only this time at his own cold tone of voice. Logan had never been the best at emotions and feelings and allowing them to come across, but for Patton he’d try his best. He readjusted in his seat, turning in to face the smaller man, letting their knees graze gently together, hoping it would provide tentative comfort. Thankfully, it did, Patton recognised Logan’s attempts, smiling at him with sad, broken eyes. Logan’s heart broke even more.

“I um… I am deeply deeply sorry if my, earlier attitude, scared you. I just, I know I snapped, and that was so wrong of me. You’ve always been there for me Patton, I could never ask for a better friend… I just wish I could be the same for you, but evidently, I am… struggling.”

“Oh, Lo-“ Patton tried to comfort him, but Logan held up his hand, gently smiling.

“I will strive to be better, for you. As I said, you have always been there for me, so it is difficult seeing someone I care about so much hurt, as such it was difficult for me to, control my emotions. Still that’s no excuse for scaring you.”

“Logan,” Patton said, voice soft, almost fragile, but entirely sympathetic. “It’s okay, I-I’m fine, really it’s nothing. Nothing at all. Don-“

“Falsehood.” Logan interrupted, voice still calm and quite, yet warm. He didn’t need to say anything else, everything seeped out in the tone of his voice. It’s not okay. You’re not okay. But I can help. Logan held out a hand patiently. “May I?”

Patton’s eyes flickered from his friend’s face to his out stretched hand, before he cautiously, like a frightened animal, allowed his wrist to fall into the other’s large, slim hands. Logan’s long fingers curled around the wrist carefully, pulling it lightly towards his face so he could inspect it. He decided the best course of action would be to clean and then re-bandage the cuts, they were bad, but didn’t run deep enough to warrant expert medical help, though needed to be routinely cleaned to ensure they didn’t get infected.

At first, Patton had winced when the cold, wet cloth was pressed against his skin, it sent a sharp stinging sensation over his skin, Logan automatically drew away.

“I… I am sorry Patton, this will sting a bit but I’m afraid it must be done. I really am-“

“It’s fine Logan.” Patton interrupted, holding his arm out again. “Go on.”

Nodding, Logan placed the cloth back on the cuts, being very careful about cleaning them. After drying them, Logan began wrapping a bandage around his friend’s arm, his graceful slim fingers gliding around and precisely attending to the task. The process was then repeated on the other wrist, Patton watched in awe at the delicate process, and those fingers working with such precision and care seemed to capture him, he even almost forgot that deep feeling of guilt, disgust and fear that was writhing around in his stomach. It felt like death, like he was decaying from the inside and it was gradually consuming him all, eating up everything that was once him. He knew he had changed, and change isn’t a bad thing, of course he couldn’t be that bright-eyed and bold kid that he used to be, he’d grown up, but there was always still this childlike wonder in himself. Now, it felt like that had faded. He felt like so much had faded. So much so that he wasn’t sure who he was. It had become so difficult to look in a mirror.

Patton knew it wasn’t the first time, in fact, it had never been easy to look in a mirror, he’d always hated his appearance. Objectively, he wasn’t fat, but our minds seldom think objectively. He had short, stubby fingers, nothing like Logan’s long elegant ones. His legs were larger than Virgil’s thin ones. His chest was soft and he had a belly, unlike Roman’s toned chest and broad shoulders. His friends were all so beautiful, and he looked nothing like them. Though somehow, they had made him forget that, he had reached a point where he didn’t feel inadequate around them, and thought that maybe, if these people found him beautiful, then he could find himself beautiful too. What happened to that?

Patton looked up to his friends concentrated expression, his eyes fixed on his hands and a look of pure focus dancing in them, an unwilling smile crossed the smaller’s face. The feeling in his stomach became lighter, it wasn’t gone, not in the slightest, but it was an improvement. He missed Logan so much. He missed those late night talks that ranged from borderline insane to crying lightly into the others shoulder, feeling entirely protected and warm. He missed hearing that rare laugh Logan had, the one he’d always tried to hide but Patton adored. And of course he missed that begrudging smile he’d give after one of Patton’s finest dad jokes. Damn, Patton missed dad jokes. Mike hated dad jokes, so much more than Logan, so much more. Patton decided it wasn’t worth making them some time ago.

Logan didn’t need to say anything after he’d finished bandaging up his friend’s wrist, he just carefully opened his arms out, silently asking if the other wanted a hug. Instantly Patton fell into Logan’s arms, he felt them curl around him, the lean yet strong muscles shielding him from the outside world, he felt his heart rush and calm at the same time and he let a deep but shaky sigh. He allowed his own arms to wrap around Logan tightly, pulling them further together and burying his face in his friend’s neck. Logan moved slightly and lifted Patton’s legs so the other was comfortable and safe in his lap. He didn’t say anything, just held him, for a long while.

Eventually, Logan’s soft even voice broke through the silence, like the hum of the wind.

“Would you like to talk Patton? I understand it may not feel like it, but it is quite often beneficial for someone to talk about what is distressing them.”

Patton swallowed; did he really want to open up that wound?

He wasn’t even sure if he was justified, what he’d gone through wasn’t that bad, not really. Did he really have the right to paint Mike in such a light, if he really loved him? But, now he was questioning it, the warmth, the protection that Logan’s arms offered… he felt; safe. It had never felt like this with Mike. With Mike it had been uncomfortable, humid, suffocating, or even cold and overwhelmingly empty. When they were together, it wasn’t wrong, not when he was being kind. When they curled up together to watch movies, it was pleasant, nice, he had been content. Maybe at first he had felt his heart swell, felt the warmth he felt now, but this security, when he was curled into Logan, that seemed to surround him was so unlike anything he’d felt for a while. He’d missed this, missed Logan, so much. He wanted his best friend back. It made that question burn in the back of his mind, did he truly love Mike? Mike was a good person, he cared for Patton, so what if they had their ups and downs? Of course, of course Patton loved Mike, he had to, after everything… he’d done, he did for love, and that makes it okay, right? A sickness crawled from the very depth of his soul… but he’d done it for love, so that can’t be right! He tried pushing it down again but, like a snake, it crawled back up. He shouldn’t be feeling like this, because everything was fine, because he forgave Mike and he loved Mike and-

-and he was so lost. He was trying so desperate to find answers but every emotion just seemed to tangle into some unrecognisable, Gordian form. He looked up to Logan. Calm, collected, rational Logan. If anyone knew… If anyone could help Patton’s conflicted mind… it would be Logan. Logan, with those bright, dark brown eyes that shone with compassion and patience. His lips were a thin flat line yet those brilliant emotive eyes told Patton everything he needed to know.

Logan held his gaze, not pushing him or prompting him, which strengthened Patton’s resolve. The smaller nodded, breathing in deeply as he did.

Logan readjusted, allowing Patton to move out of his lap, he re-positioned himself in front of the shorter and instinctively grabbed his hands, gently enough that he wasn’t trapped by the grip but instead felt comforted. Patton smiled down at their carefully entwined hands, feeling a temporary warmth rush through him, before it was replaced with a flood of dread. He couldn’t help but holding on a little bit tighter, allowing the grip to stabilise him and give him strength.

He’d hidden this for so long, he wasn’t even sure what he was hiding anymore, or what might come tumbling out of his mouth when he found a place to begin at. He was determined, but he didn’t know where to start, because there had been no clear turning point, it was just a faded hazy mess that Patton had no idea what lead him here.

“Everything was fine… was good for… so long. I guess that, maybe, there were always little things but we all have our little things y’know? I’m far from perfect myself and our flaws are what make us, us, after all. And his flaws made Mike, Mike. And I loved him for them.” Patton rambled on, desperately trying to show, prove, to Logan the good in him. He was so lost trying to find the right words that he missed the flash of hurt that darted across his friend’s eyes, missed the way he tensed slightly and back straightened. It was only for the smallest second, then the impassive mask returned.

“But… he is very, insecure… he was, I don’t know threatened? By… by the amount of time I spent with you and Ro and Virgil. He um, he had a breakdown. He was so upset but embarrassed, I-it… it was my fault, and it hurt s-so much, but I just, I c-couldn’t put him through that again. I didn’t think it would be so bad, missing an hour or two of time with you all, but…” Patton breathed in deeply, allowing his voice to steady, Logan soothingly rubbed circles over shaking knuckles. “He got worse. He got more paranoid… more angry , just more-“ Patton cut himself off again, stumbling over his words, trying to make his jumbled thoughts coherent. “He’d always liked to drink, which is perfectly fine of course but, he suddenly became this different person. And then it started seeping into just, everything. He’d snap and yell and, and- I’d try to keep the peace. Do whatever he wanted – I even urged him to see a therapist once! But he’d just yell and say, horrible things. He didn’t mean it, it was the drink but… it still… hurt...” Patton admitted weakly, almost ashamed, like saying it out loud would make it more real. He waited the weight of the words to crash around him again.

Logan could feel a soft bubble of anger boiling; how could anyone hurt Patton? How dare anyone? But Patton didn’t need this right now, and after reminding himself of that, he easily swallowed back his quick temper and continued to soothe and listen. For Patton.

“B-but, after everything, he’d be so apologetic, kind… more, passionate…” Patton coughed awkwardly, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. He didn’t have to say this, he reminded himself. He didn’t have to tell Logan. But he wanted to.

“There were a, um, a couple of times, w-when after a fight…” He felt the words get stuck at the back of his throat, choking him. He tried breathing, but his eyes kept darting to his bedroom, then to the floor. Logan noticed. His face hardened. His anger burned, roared inside him, but he held it in. He told himself not to jump to conclusions, Patton could be looking for an escape, a place of comfort. Logan let his rage extinguish, before shifting closer to Patton, looking at him with patient eyes.

“He… didn’t like me saying no, to… to sex.” Patton cringed at putting it so bluntly but he had to know Logan was on the same page. “He’d just, keep pushing, until I gave up… gave in.” He practically coughed out, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to block out the memories.

“I-“ Something cut him off, some sort of strangled, animal cry, that racked his body. He took a sharp, hissing intake of breath. All at once, he felt everything. The needy, unwanted hands crawling all over him. The hot breath against his neck. The cold sweat coating his body. The vile crawl up his throat. The feeling of shame heating his face. Another painful sob escaped him. He drew away from Logan, he couldn’t help it, hands were all over him, marking him, burning him.

Patton clamped his hand over his mouth, trying to squeeze his eyes shut even more, desperate to get the images out of his head. He’d done it for Mike, because he loved him, it was normal to want to prove it. If Mike needed Patton to prove it then he would, and that was okay. If he needed him to be good, then he would, he could make the sounds for him and pretend he was okay, pretend everything didn’t feel so, so wrong. If it meant that much, if saying no wasn’t accepted, then it must be important for him. He knew he would only be mad if he said no. But it was fine. He could do as he was told.

Hands, hands were on him again. They burnt. Reflexively he tensed, freezing up entirely.

“Patton,” Soft, calm caring. Not breathy, not needy, not demanding. “Patton, please look at me.”

He complied, fearfully, only to remember those hands were Logan’s, something somewhere felt lighter.

“I cannot begin to understand what you are going through. Know that everything you’re feeling, is exactly what you should be feeling, do not feel guilty.”

Patton nodded hesitantly, a sudden burst of memories surrounding his brain again.

The demands came flooding back. The feeling of helplessness surrounded him, paralysed him. He couldn’t breathe again. He tried biting back a sob, but instead gave in. He let the sobs crash over his body and tears cascade down his face.

What must Logan think? To know what you’ve done… he probably doesn’t want to be around you. Mike was right about you; just a whore. He was right. He was right. He was right.

“Patton.” Logan’s voice again. Patton wasn’t sure when he’d cupped his hands over his ears, or curled his knees into himself, or began muttering and rocking back and force, but when he looked up at Logan through his fringe with glistening, terrified eyes, he realised it all at once.

“Patton, I’m not – I could never think any less of you. No matter what. Least of all for that okay?”

“O-okay.” Patton gulped in the humid air, nodding quickly, the movement making his brain hurt.

“I know this is difficult Patton bu-“

“I-I’m fine. No.. I’m fine, I’m fine, I-“

“Stop. You are not fine. And it’s okay to admit that.” The smaller considered it, heart heavy and tears still streaming down his face, his thoughts were swimming through mess and memories. He opened his mouth, but it was dry, and his throat was hoarse. The words were painful, they were lies, and they burnt.

Eventually, Patton breathed out. The hands were still there, they were threatening, hovering over him, but they weren’t on him. But they could be, at any moment, he was exposed and vulnerable and so so tired. He shook his head, feeling his fight drain out of him and letting his body collapse into Logan. He buried his face into the teachers neck, desperate to feel safety again, tugging at any remnants of protection he could. Logan wrapped his arms around the small, shivering form, protecting him from the hands. Protecting him from the world, and his thoughts, and everything.

“I’m not fine.”

-----

Note: Thanks everyone reading this for the support on this story, honestly I didn’t expect anyone to read this at all! Your comments and likes mean the world to me :)

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