#i feel like it could be bc of one of my meds but unsure which

[sanchoyo]

keep having fucked up nightmares but sometimes I can lucid dream in only its like. semi-lucid dreaming. like i can rationalize stuff to a Point but not quite enough to have FULL control, just like. feelings abt things that influence dream me into doing stuff.

so the other night I had a dream a monster was circling a house in a field that we'd moved into, that had cow pastures around it and a dirt road and stuff, very In The Middle Of Nowhere type place with no way of calling for help. and I could see this Creature Thing circling thru the windows and looking in at me, and kept getting increasingly scared bc whenever id try to tell ppl abt it itd be gone when they looked.

my sister calmly walks me out of the house to look for it to show me its not real ig. and at this point im getting Actually Mad instead of scared bc its making me look like im a liar or imagining things so when I see it yards away standing Ominously In The Dusk at the end of the dirt road, instead of running away or back into the house, i BOOK IT TOWARDS IT SCREAMING. FULL OF RAGE. esp bc when me and my sister had been walking around the house lookng my shoes had filled up with pebbles and the sensation was actually rage inducing LMAO

and my dream insult to this horror beast?? i said 'im gonna rip ur head off and dribble it like a basketball when i catch you you FUCK' AND IT. RAN AWAY. FROM ME. and then I saw one double the other ones size and ig i assumed bigger=the other ones mom?? so I ran up to IT still SUPER mad ranting like 'you nEED to control your child do you know what its been doing?? lurking and being scary?? its been scaring the cows!! do u know cows?? like MOO???' bc I guess I wasnt sure if they could even understand me. and after i started angrily mooing at this fucker I woke up 💀

[somecunttookmyurl]

extremely ymmv but i've had multiple psychotic episodes a year, every year, since 2006 that were entirely untreated until 2020 because literally nobody would believe it was happening. still entirely untreated bc frankly meds just made me feel like ass and i long ago employed One Simple Trick (Psychitrists Hate Her) for turning that from an always-distressing experience to "mildly annoying, only occasionally distressing and still less so"

gonna share it with you okay. you ready. again ymmv

the only hallucinations/delusions that it actually matters whether they are real for everyone or just real for you are ones that could put you in actual physical danger.

ex: i frequently experience the lights flashing in what i can only assume is morse code. does it matter if anybody else is seeing that? only in the sense that if they are i need to change the lightbulb i guess. at the start i never tried 'translating' or figuring that out in any way because i was too busy being extremely upset about it. i still haven't de-coded my lightbulbs because I Do Not Fucking Care and It Does Not Fucking Matter. this could have been an email. this should be an email, actually. it's a mildly annoying distraction but does it matter if it's "really" "happening"? Not in the fucking least.

Does it matter if the cool shop I was so VERY sure was there last week but which is now a coffee shop everyone insists has been there for 10 years actually did exist or not? Literally no! It's still Not There right now whether it was there last week or not so this changes absolutely nothing.

Listen. Look at me. For... most people I think, a lot of the distress from psychosis comes not from the direct content of any hallucinations or delusions (some very much are genuinely unpleasant in their own right, obviously) but from questioning reality and being unsure what's real and what isn't. Realising and internalising that unless something is going to actually directly impact your life in some way it doesn't matter drastically cuts this down

"is this real?" is the wrong question. "does it matter if it's real? like actually?" if the answer is no because "it" happens to be a cat that is in your kitchen when you do not own cat then like. whatever, dude. you got bonus cat company for the duration whether it was "objectively" "real" or not anyway.

(last one brought to you by an old friend who was hallucinating an entire cat but was freaking out because it was in the doorway and she did not know if something bad would happen if she touched it, and then i pointed out that it doesn't matter if the cat is there or not and doesn't matter if touching it would be a bad idea because it is cat sized and you can... step over it. that is not really a problem and even if it were it's a problem for the future version of you who does not have to pee unfortunately i have never hallucinated an entire extra cat)

[falcqns]

hey friend! Any advice for someone who’s just trying to shift? (I’m sure you’ve posted advice on this many times but scrolling to try to find it seems daunting) I’ve tried for about a month, I don’t have a specific method but I do get “symptoms” but those are very similar to how I feel when I’m trying to fall asleep normally so it’s hard to tell. I know it can take awhile so I’m trying not to get discouraged!

hi darling!! of course i can!! i have a shifting tag called #ava's a shifter which should include everything but pre diagnosis me probably forgot to tag a few posts about it so i'll give you some here:

one of the best pieces of advice i got from wanda (she's a shifter as well, her cr is my mcu dr and she shifts to sitcoms mainly, but she had been toying with making a no powers dr where she could see her parents and brother and have a normal life, i'm unsure if she has actually scripted or gone there yet thought) was to connect to this reality (or cr if this is'nt your cr!) fully. take a moment throughout the day to just stop, and use your five senses.

think about what you're doing, what it smells like, what you can hear, what you can see, what you can feel, what you can taste, what you are saying (if you're talking) and try to remember how it feels to do that. here's an example of me doing this right now:

what i am doing: answering your ask

what i can hear: i can hear my keyboard clacking as i type, brooklyn nine nine playing on my tv, my daughter breathing as she sleeps next to me

what i can see: my computer screen, the words i am typing, my daughter

what i can smell: my sugared snicker doodle candle, my deodorant i put on a few minutes ago

what i can taste: my sweet and salty chocolate chunk Clif Bar that i am absolutely destroying bc i love Clif bars and eat like 5 per day lmao

what i can feel: my teddy bear sweater on my arms, my wrists on the computer, my daughters head on my leg, and my mind focusing as my meds start working

after you do that (do it a few times a day), use it when you're visualizing. when you're trying to shift, imagine a scenario similar to something you did that day. an example of this is that tonight, i'm going to try to go to chris evans younger sister dr. so, using the information i used above, this is what i'm going to visualize:

what i am doing: playing the sims on my laptop at the hotel table - we're still in disney world

what i can hear: my mama talking to my doctor on the phone, my brothers arguing over what to watch on the tv, my keyboard clacking under my fingers

what i can see: the house i am building, my brothers laying on the bed, my water bottle next to me

what i can smell: chlorine wafting from the open balcony door that faces one of the pools, the chocolate cake chris bought me earlier, and the coffee that scott left on the table

what i can taste: the chocolate cake as i bite into it, the Lefou's Brew chris also bought me as i drink it

what i can feel: my sundress straps resting on my slightly sun burned shoulders, my bare feet against the rough hotel carpet and how it bugs me, my hair behind my ears.

she said that not only will it help you visualize, it will help you connect to both your cr and your dr, because a connection to both is important. your cr is still a reality, and your connection to it is important, therefore connecting to your cr will only benefit you in connecting your dr.

if you know the feeling of connecting fully to your cr, you will have an easier time connecting fully to your dr, and you'll be able to disconnect from your cr fully while connecting to your dr fully.

another tip i have is to watch/read something about wherever your shifted to. i often watch a movie if im going to my marvel dr, but you can choose anything. this isn't mandatory, its more of a personal choice for me, and helps me to feel more connected to my dr. i also allow myself to daydream, because that is usually when i get that 'pull' that others speak of.

when i feel that pull, i know that its time to try. it doesn't always work, but it helps!

i hope that helped, and if you have any other questions, let me know and i'll answer!

[manicbeans]

can u talk about what hypomania/mania is like especially in a mixed state and give examples of how a manic day would go and feel? can someonee only have mixed and depressive states(also no baseline normal mood states)? also. if someone is in a trauma environment and is unable to do a lot and gets upset a lot by being hurt can they still be hypo/manic during that time even if they get sad? or what if the person is fatigued due to physical disorders can they still be manic/hypomanic? what exactly would it feel like if ur always out of energy and cant get around and do things much yet still manic? do u have any tips on how to tell if your unipolar depression dx was correct or if it’s really bipolar? honestly what do u do when ur questions a bunch of ur diagnoses and feel like u can’t trust yourself and are unsure about everything? and um in bipolar can psychosis not be related to ur mood? like. If u are having delusions during mania does it have to be grandiose … and the opposite for depression or can it be anything like persecutory? any info and resources u can give ,, also how do u tell the difference between non depressed/regular mood and hypomanic or manic?

wait wait follow up question for u.. when u get manic/hypo/mixed state … do u get this feeling of “I need to do this one thing non stop for hours and need to do it quickly my mind is racing I’m so fixated on this and feel so alert it’s kinda stressful bc of the feeling of needing to do everything so quickly at once but it’s also something u enjoy” ? does that sound like a manic interest? or could that be experienced by people without bipolar like it u had a hyperfixation woukd it feel the same overwhelming need to go fast feeling?

I'm not a doctor and I think professional advice is always the way to go BUT in my experience of mania/hypomania it feels very on or off, very pervasive, and one of the big markers is that it overcomes other psychological hang-ups that I have. When I'm hypo/manic I have none of my usual anxiety, and trauma reactions can be there but will look completely different (like anger instead of fear, shouting instead of hiding, etc). I don't know too much about the diagnostic criteria around mania vs. mixed episodes but in my experience there are very clear mood states that I go through that impact every other part of my life and that seems like the common theme in bipolar disorder. What helped solidify my diagnosis was tracking my moods and energy levels for a few months and there was a very clear and regular wave that wasn't attached to other things like school stress or menstrual cycle.

In terms of mania vs. hyperfixations I don't have ADHD so I can't speak to what hyperfixations feel like but again I'd say that with mania the energy is attached to everything, not just one activity or interest. I go to work with that energy, it applies to everything I do, I come home still buzzing, I'm multitasking for days and I'm still energetic. Sometimes my mental energy will stretch farther than my physical energy but mania in general for me looks like 4+ days of acting out of character which includes exceeding my own physical boundaries in ways that catch up to me pretty dramatically once I crash.

I lived with a friend for a few years who had ADHD and BPD and we often had similar symptoms but they came from very different places and our experiences were very different! She had pretty consistent chaos caused by various triggers and therapy was helpful but meds not so much, where I had clear long cycles and medication was a huge game changer. In the end diagnosis is about finding tools that help you, so starting at that end can also help figure out what the causes are! So I'd recommend finding professionals that can help and experimenting with different options.

[vibeforce]

achievements of the day: woke up, still alive, did both steroid gargles, brushed teeth x2, took morning meds, took care of dogs in the morning and gave them goodbye loves, got my point across without getting hurt, got to see my babies again (!!!!!!!!!) and they missed me a ton, took a cleansing shower, called imaging place to schedule ct scan, cooked and ate a yummy dinner (and had a cocktail, i deserve it!), got to be with my girls all day, took night meds, flossed

[hellaciousdecimation]

[ankhisms]

tw for disordered eating mentions ill be ok i just have to get this all out

going to try to not just endlessly insanely ramble about how much everything sucks but like so many little things have been piling up and weighing me down until everything jyst feels like too much and too overwhelming yknow. the one i keep dwelling on is the feeling that im not a good actor or artist and that im not doing a good enough job with my role in this musical and like my dream of being a professional tv/film actor is somehow silly or pathetic because im not a good enough actor.

and usually i would work thru those thoughts by telling myself that i was doubting myself but tonight as i was about to leave i overheard some of my castmates saying specific lines of mine like imitating how i say them and then i THOUGHT that one of them said that i "could be doing more with it" and that its "not getting enough of a reaction" but like the thing is i COULD very well have misheard what they said and i dont want to be getting mad at someone for something they didnt say and i also experience audio hallucinations at times especially when im already upset so im always kind of unsure when i overhear something but like none the less it still is like. very upsetting yknow and reminds me of everything that happened with me dropping out of being a theater major and feeling like a failure and not good enough as an actor and a person and like i know i shouldnt be dwelling on the past and should be focusing on the present and trying to move forward but also at the same time all this stuff was genuinely traumatic for me so im trying to not like beat myself up for being upset when im reminded of it and triggered by it.

but then the second thing that upset me today was actually in the beginning of the whole show when everyone is getting ready putting on stage makeup and our costumes and someone brought everyone pizza which was really sweet and nice! but one of the people who triggered me suddenly just started talking really loudly about how theyre about to break their diet for this and saying "im 110 pounds i need to lose weight" and it was so deeply uncomfortable like this person is VERY thin and i was just standing in front of the mirror trying to push away disordered eating related thoughts and trying to not spiral into them and feeling so ugly like this person is a lot thinner than me.

and then during intermission i got my meds out to take them since yknow it was the time of the day that i take them. and the other of the two people who triggered me before saw me and i hadnt even been talking to him but he just was like ummm whatre those?? and i was genuinely kind of confused as to why he was asking me so i just was like its my medication? and he was like yeah well for what. and i was annoyed and tired and didnt want to deal with this so i just went for my fucked up brain. and thankfully he took it as a joke and wasnt mad bc i didnt want to fight but god it was so invasive and uncomfortable like its none of your fucking business what theyre for me saying that its my medication should be more than enough information why would u keep pushing about that.

and just being a person has been so hard lately ive been like very aware of how hard it is for me to function and be quote unquote normal and i keep thinking about quitting that last job bc of being unable to do it both physically and mentally and just being like well what the fuck am i supposed to do how am i supposed to survive. lately ive been trying really hard to be okay and during the show ive been trying to be upbeat for everyone else to comfort the people who have nerves and to reassure everyone that theyre doing a good job but honestly things arent okay for me and i dont know what to do really about it.

a lot of times i feel like my life is some kind of joke or some bad tragicomedy story and that the author is getting a kick out of having bad things happen to me or that some deity is punishing me for something its just all. so much. idk how im going to get to a better environment let alone how i could possibly achieve any kind of creative dreams when im just feeling like giving up on everything and like all the art i make and all the acting i do is jusy pathetic and bad. itll be okay i wont give up but i just have to allow myself to not be okay rn yknow. thank you if you read all this ily i hope ur doing well

[writingandengineering]

Hi! Happy birthday!!! I see you want some requests? 👀 could you possibly do birthday celebrations with Wolffe? Either wolffe’s or the readers, idm. 💕💕

hello! thank you so much for requesting birthday things for my birthday!! i am afraid of writing anything spicy so i implied it at the end

this reader is also nicknamed officer bc i am unoriginal!!

sorry this took longer than expected, my classes kinda hit me hard! still working on another request though!

word count: 1233

(clones can’t lie for shit)

You woke up on the right side of the bed today; it was your birthday and your boyfriend was coming back from a campaign on Felucia. Things couldn’t have lined up any better for you. You couldn’t contain your excitement as you got dressed for the day, taking extra time on your appearance and even spraying a bit of perfume before you headed out. As far as you were concerned, there wasn’t anything that could stop you from having a good birthday.

Walking into the GAR base, you headed immediately to the hangar to try to find your boyfriend and his battalion, nodding at the other officers in the halls. As you got closer to the hangar, you started to see more Wolffepack troopers, many of which greeting you with a “Hey Officer!” or some wishing you a good day. You smile as you greet them back, excitement growing as you enter the hangar.

You look around the hangar and try to spot Wolffe, but with empty results. You do however, find Boost and Sinker.

“Hey Sinker, Boost! How’re you two?” You greet the two troopers. They turn to you, but not before exchanging a look at each other. That’s peculiar.

“Officer! Hey, we’re good, no injuries. We heard it was your birthday today,” Sinker replies before Boost has the chance. Boost gives Sinker a glance and goes to open his mouth; Sinker thrusts his elbow into Boost’s side. Boost lets out a small oof from Sinker’s attack.

You tilt your head in confusion,”Uh, yeah it is. Good to hear that you guys came back uninjured. Do you know where the commander is?” The two clones’ eyes dart anywhere but you, looking nervous.  “Do you two have something to tell me?”

This time, Boost answers, a little too quickly, “No sir! Nothing! Everything is fine! The commander is in… a debrief with Master Plo?” Boost cringes at the end of his statement turn question, seeming to be unsure of himself. Sinker’s expression reads to be uneasy too; those two were definitely hiding something. Maker, clones were terrible liars.

“Boost, was that a question or an answer?”

 Sinker pulls Boost behind him, as if to hide him, his mouth drawn into a straight line. Sinker responds, “Uh, an answer, Officer. It was nice to see you but we gotta go sir! Bye!” With that, Sinker turns and drags Boost with him towards the opposite end of the hangar, whispering a furious conversation between the two.

That was a bust. You originally went into the hangar only to inquire where your boyfriend was but left without that information and more confused than when you started. With that weird interaction with Sinker and Boost, you knew someone was hiding something. It was strange, the clones only started to act weird when you asked about Wolffe; maybe there was something going on with him? Maybe he was hurt? Sinker and Boost would tell you if Wolffe was hurt, right? The thought shakes you to the core, so you decide to check the med bay anyway.

You left the hangar the way you came in and towards the med bay, maybe you could find an answer there?

_______

The med bay was also a bust; you rushed in only to be met with a few troopers who weren’t yours and a couple of medics. They looked at you like you were crazy when you asked if Commander Wolffe was in. Now that you knew that Wolffe wasn’t injured, you let out a sigh of relief. 

That left you with another question though, where the kriff was your boyfriend? Maybe Boost wasn’t kidding when he said he was in a debrief with Master Plo? You walked through the halls deep in thought, not even noticing when you entered the barracks, not even noticing the clone tailing behind you, getting closer. You did however notice that you were abruptly snatched into a familiar room in the barracks.

You thrash and turn around, “Hey! What’re you-” you pause when you see the clone. “Wolffe!” You throw yourself into his arms. He catches you against his chest, arms coming home around your waist. Wolffe’s arms pull you in tight, this is what home truly felt like, here in his arms, in his room. You burrow your head into Wolffe’s neck, breathing in, confirming that he really was here.

“Cyar’ika, it’s been too long,” Wolffe mumbles against your hair, kissing the crown of your head. He pulls back to look you in the eyes, he gives you a rare, true smile. The kind of smile that was reserved only for you. You can’t help but tear up a little looking back at him; you reach one hand up to trace along the scar running over his eye. You lean up as Wolffe leans down to you, the two of you meet in the middle in a sweet kiss, full of love and all of the longing that built up during your time apart. You pull apart, Wolffe leaning his forehead against yours before whispering against your lips, “Happy birthday, sweet girl.”

“Thanks Wolffe, I missed you so much!” You say, pulling your forehead away. “I almost forgot it was my birthday while I was looking for you. Speaking of which, Sinker and Boost were acting pretty weird when I asked about you, do you have any clue why?” Wolffe started to look uncharacteristically bashful before turning to grab something off of the small desk to the side of his room.

“I, uh, wanted to surprise you. If I knew that Boost and Sinker would be so bad at keeping a secret, I wouldn’t have told them,” he turned back to you holding a small bag. “I got you a present; I’m sorry, it’s not much. The General had to help me get it.”

You crashed your body against Wolffe again, unable to contain your affection for the man in that moment. “Anything you give me is good, don’t apologize.” You take the small bag from his hand, opening it to see a beautiful necklace. You gasp, “Wolffe, this is beautiful, thank you so much.”

“Let me put it on you.” You hand the necklace to Wolffe and turn around; you feel his large, worn hands caress your neck. Your skin erupts in goose bumps all over. He draws the necklace around your neck, slowly, relishing in the skin-to-skin contact. He closes the clasps on the necklace and kisses the back of your neck. Suddenly, the air grew thick with something a little less wholesome.

You turn around and pull him close, peppering kisses all over his face, “Thank you again, but now it’s time to celebrate!” You smirk, looking at Wolffe’s confused face. That confusion clears up and is replaced with a smug look when you drag him over to his bed in the corner, and push him down onto the bed. You lean down, tugging at Wolffe’s armor, revealing his blacks.

“Cyar’ika, I like your idea of celebration.”

And celebrate you did.

_______

Your birthday was indeed a lot of fun, Sinker and Boost can (unfortunately) attest to that; when they went to check on their commander and were met with an array of sinful noises. Extremely flustered, the two troopers looked at each and quickly made their exit, deciding that interrupting their commander and Officer was not worth their lives.

[l0st-1n-l1f3]

my year so far

I know I’m not the only one who had a shitty 2020. I switched meds like 3 different times, almost died, took a huge mental blow during quarantine, n realized pretty early on in freshman year that the career path I had been planning for years might not be right for me.

but the new year started out pretty great: recently single, not sure what I was doing in life, but with a great support system. I decided that I wasn’t going to worry about love or romantic relationships for a while. I was going to focus on my college classes, explore new hobbies and find a passion, work on myself, and hang out with friends (carefully of course cuz COVID). basically, things were looking up. I had a plan for how to figure shit out.

2 months in n I’m not sure how to feel. still unsure about my future. struggling with my body image n eating. more expensive car trouble. oh yeah and the most recent shitstorm was an unprecedented FUCKING SNOW-POCALYPSE. my dorm flooded due to burst pipes, campus closed down for a whole week, I had a panic attack but couldn’t go home bc ice on the roads, power cutting in n out so heat kept turning off/on n phone kept dying, p much everywhere to get food was closed [I’m talking grocery stores, fast food, gas stations]. lots of deaths in my region. we’re still in the tail end of this weather phenomenon n I’m super worried cuz a close friend of mine doesn’t have heat, might not have access to food, n I haven’t heard from him in almost a week which is unusual.

there have been a few highlights though. I dyed my hair with the help of my best friend n have gotten quite a few chances to spend more quality time with her. my professors this semester are loads better than last. n in the middle of this whole snowstorm shit I had to stay with a friend, n got introduced to some of her friends. we all kinda got stuck with each other bc of the weather n kind of had fun... as much as we possibly could anyway.

trying to hold on to hope despite all the uncertainty. I have new friends, concert tickets for later this year and plans to go camping [as long as COVID doesn’t fuck that up], a birthday next month, etc. fuck, things might just get better if I don’t give up

[v-hope]

Hi! So Uhm if it’s alright with you I’d have some questions regarding generalised anxiety? If you feel comfortable talking about it? I just recently got diagnosed with it and I am very unsure if I want to take meds for it or just try behavioural therapy alone? 🙈 Completely fine if you don’t wanna answer! Please take your health first and don’t feel pressured to talk about it!! Love you and wishing you the best on this journey!! ♥️

hey, it’s okay! please have in mind that i am speaking from my experience and am in no way qualified to tell you what is best for you, you should always consult a professional so they can give you a proper treatment according to your own situation!

with that said, i think it depends on how bad you got it? like, i had to take a semester off uni in 2019 bc of it and i was doing so bad mentally that i was literally crying and begging for meds bc i felt like my head was killing me and i didn’t think i could make it out on my own. and back then, since it was so bad, my psychiatrist, along with prescribing me meds, prescribed me to get therapy, so both things really helped me back then. then the pandemics came and i stopped getting my treatment and now i got it really bad again BUT, i managed to get a psychiatrist appointment yesterday and they only prescribed me meds and said that if it was still too bad the next month, then i should go get therapy as well.

i think it all depends on how you can handle it on your own. i used to hate the idea of taking meds a few years ago, but i get such bad episodes and my head hurts so bad because i just can’t stop thinking about tragedy and hence i can’t go on with my daily life bc i physically cannot get out of bed. so, if you think you can go on with your life and it doesn’t affect you that much, maybe therapy is the way to go, that way you will learn to understand the way your mind works and find a way to control all your worries. on the other hand, if it gets too bad and you feel like you can’t make it out on your own, then maybe try seeing a psychiatrist so they can give you a proper treatment. have in mind that not all treatments will work for you and it might take a while until you find one that works the best for you, it personally took me seeing three different professionals until i found one that made me feel my best (which is the same one i was given yesterday thankfully).

so yeah, just take those things into consideration and, again, please consult a professional! tell them everything about how you feel and answer all their questions truthfully and they will tell you what kind of treatment is best for you. i hope you’re doing well, love! and that whatever you choose is the best for you 💕

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #310

“i get pretty just to fuck my face up.”

Do you have a clock in your room? No. What book, movie, TV show, or video game have you been wanting to start up? I *want* to read The Testaments by Margaret Atwood, but I care more about reading Wings of Fire, so I probably realistically won't for a long time. I don't read enough for that; Sutherland will surely keep pumping out books in the series so I'll never catch up, haha. As for a movie, I've been interested in seeing Jacob's Ladder for a very long time; it served as a very large influence on the Silent Hill series, and boy, anyone who brings up video games in front of me knows SH is my SHIT. I also just know I'm bound to like it with how essentially legendary it is in the psychological horror genre, which is my favorite. Onto TV show, I'm not certain. Shows don't really interest me. I would like to keep watching A:TLA w/ Sara, but "start up" implies beginning something new, so. Lastly, video games. There are a LOT of games I want to play, but yeah, I have no operational gaming console above a PS2. I'm dyinnnngggggg to play a ton of PS4 remasters (namely the original Spyro the Dragon trilogy and SoTC), but as for a fresh game I've never experienced, Ico, which is from the same producers of Shadow of the Colossus. It's an old game, and Mom's bought it off of Ebay for me twice, but neither disc worked - they froze only minutes into the game. It's hella expensive in new condition though because of its age... so who knows when I'll actually get to play it. Do you put anything else on your grilled cheese sandwiches? Just butter. Have you ever read a book in a different language? I've read some simple fairy tales as well as the play Faust in German courses. Do you want to go to the Harry Potter theme park at Universal? I have no connection with the franchise, but I mean, I'd go if you're paying, haha. If you had a secret room in your house, how would you decorate it? I'm trying to think what kind of room I'd keep a secret... Ha, actually, IF my love of tarantulas expands so largely to having dozens (which I doubt, but I acknowledge the possibility once I get my own place), a room kept on the down low to others just for them would be pretty cool. Imagine someone not knowing they're sharing a house with like, a hundred Ts, haha. As for actual decor, I'm unsure. I'd definitely keep it generally dark for them as nocturnal creatures, maybe with some Halloween decorations, like lots of fake webbing and neon green or orange lights. Man... that sounds dope. What did you get your dad for his last birthday? I couldn't buy him anything, nor did I actually make anything since I didn't know what to create. I just told him happy birthday, of course. Do any of your relatives live in another country? No. Are you claustrophobic? In some spaces, yes. Ever seen Blair Witch? Without spoilers, you know "that part" near the end? Yeah, if you've seen it, you know. That would be a fucking NIGHTMARE for me. Even watching it made me squirm. When grocery shopping, do you usually buy brand names or store brand? With most items anyway, we just get the store brand bc we cheap. Around what time do you usually eat dinner? Generally between 5:30-6:30 nowadays. Do you have any clothing that you get dry cleaned? No. Do you like foods with coconut in it? Eugh, not a coconut fan. I don't hate it as much as I used to, but I still don't like it. Have you ever researched your family history? No, but some past relative researched our family tree. Have you ever had surgery that kept you in the hospital for over a day? No. Do you like carrots more if they’re raw, or cooked? I hate carrots. Did you play with Legos as a kid? Nah, I was more into Lincoln Logs. Which bothers you more… spelling mistakes or bad grammar? It really depends on the severity and simplicity of the spelling or grammar rule. Grammatical misuse of "there/their/they're" stand out very strongly to me, though. Have you ever bought anything off of eBay? Yeah, a good number of things. Is anybody in your family schizophrenic? If so, what is their life like? I have a scizophrenic half-sister that I've never met, so I couldn't tell you. How organized is your mind? How do you know it's organized/disorganized? My mind is running Windows '98 with multiple windows and even more tabs open, all of them not responding. :^) Why do you follow the religion that you do? I don't follow one. My personal religious journey was a train wreck liberating to jump off of. Do you feel superior to others because you're that religion? I don't care if you're atheist, Christian, Buddhist, Islamic, whatever - you are by no means superior to another person in any way just because you believe different things happen once you die. If you do, it's time for some introspection. Are you a blind believer, or do you frequently challenge your own beliefs? Seeing as I went from Catholic to Christian to briefly Neo-Pagan-ish to what I am now, just believing there's some higher power/knowledge and some form of sentience after death, I obviously challenge them. What's the greatest thing about science? Life itself. This universe, this planet, your state of just knowing is a product of science, and that's pretty damn beautiful. Are you emotional or very stolid? I know I'm too emotional. I'm trying to get better about it. Do your siblings look like you? To a degree, but not NEARLY as much as they look like each other. Ashley and Nicole have been mistaken multiple times in their lives and even asked if they're twins. How many states have you lived in? Just this shitty one. How many states have you traveled through/vacationed in? Traveled through, a whole lot. Up and down the east coast. I've stayed in New York, Florida, Ohio, Illinois, South Carolina briefly, and I think possibly Michigan as a baby. Which state was/is your favorite? I don't know. Not NC, haha. You have two weeks alone in any place in the world; where would you go? Alone? Um... I dunno. I'd get lonely through two weeks in absolute isolation. How old were you when you first moved out of your parents' home? I want to say I was 18 when I briefly "moved in" with Jason and our roommates. Did you ever have to move back in? Yeah; the apartment didn't last very long. None of us were ready. How old were you when you thought you were "in love" for the first time? I was in love at 16. I'd fight God literally for eternity to prove that fact. How many exterior doors are in your home? Two, or maybe three, depending on your outlook. We have like this deck in the back with a roof and mesh separating you from the outside, and then you properly go into the yard from the door beyond that. How many cars have you owned? I myself, none. How many email accounts do you have? Ummmm my very first one I misspelled, so I didn't use it long before making a new one with the correct spelling, then later I had no choice but to make a Gmail to use YouTube, and I know I've had at least one email specifically for school. I'm probably forgetting some other oldies I used for small things. What was the last movie you watched alone? The Shining. What (if any) one television program do you watch religiously every day/week? None. What (if any) is your favorite sport? Dance. Scoff at that shit and then try one dance session and tell me it's not one. What is your favorite musical? None. Have you ever seen a live opera production? No. Dressing up for an evening out: Pants or skirt? Pants. I don't show my legs. What do you currently hear right now? I'm listening to Dance With the Dead's "The Man Who Made a Monster." I LOVE the aesthetic of synthwave and rock mixed together, but the only problem I have with this song is that it's very repetitive. Still stuck in my head though, haha. What type of survey do you refuse to take? I'm not into bolding surveys, specifically. Do you like to run? bitch fuck no Do you think you could run the mile in 10 minutes? Zero chance. What was the longest movie you watched? Hm, I don't remember... It's faintly there in my head, I just can't identify it... Have you ever been to a job interview? Well yeah. Who was the last person to call you? My psychiatrist. Now that I'm doing the partial hospitalization program again, he calls once a week. When was the last time you talked to your last ex boyfriend? Uhhh I think around the start of this month? Missed him and felt like chatting for a bit. Is your dog mixed or full? I don't have a dog, buuuut... we're getting one soon! I'm quite sure she's a mutt. What was the last thing you and your mother did together? Rode to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. Do you take good pictures? I like to think so. What is your display picture on myspace/facebook right now? The most recent selfie I took and liked. I'm finally comfortable using makeupless photos as a display picture. :') Not that I like my body by any means, I just don't care enough to feel like I HAVE to wear makeup to be even remotely pretty in the face. As for everywhere else... ahahaha. What is going on outside right now? It's raining. Like it has been for what feels like literally weeks - and it might actually have been. There's been one or two sunny days in a huge streak of just nothing but rain. It's so gross outside by now; we've been under a flood warning for days on end. Who was the last person you kissed? My best friend, but we were dating then. What color looks the best on you? Black. Have you ever bought the wrong size because you were too lazy to check it? Oh, absolutely. I LOATHE trying on clothes. You have to essentially drag me to go do it. I don't have a good reason other than I don't want to, lol. What was the last thing you bought over 5 dollars? I put down the deposit on my tattoo. c: Do you have any mag subscriptions? No. What is something you're not scared of but a lot of people are? Snakes are probably the highest on the list. I adore snakes, all snakes. Would you ever have a threesome? No; I'm strictly monogamous and to me would be cheating even if your partner was in on it. Are you an U.S. citizen? Yep. Do you have any step siblings? I have a stepbrother, yeah, but I don't see him as my brother, honestly. He's a very quiet and reclusive guy I've had almost no conversations with, and they've only ever been short. Do they annoy you? Nah, he's fine. How many times a day do you talk to your mom on the phone? Well, we live together... What did you wear yesterday? The same pjs I'm in now. I'm changing when I take a shower later. The tank top is a Day of the Dead-esque skull pattern, while the pants are mostly navy with skulls and candy can crossbones that say "nice until proven naughty" arching over and beneath them. They were a Christmas gift from my sis and are really soft and comfortable. Really don't care that it's now out of season, I wear them anyway. I do not match colors AT ALL, but again, I don't care. What color straightener do you have? We don't have one; neither Mom or I use one. Do you listen to music really loud or really low? Turn that shit up LOUD. I'll be nearly deaf one day, but... worth it? lol Do you live with anybody other than your siblings and your parents? No. Both my sisters have moved out. I'm still here because I'm just not emotionally or financially equipped to live on my own yet. Who was your last crush? I still like my best friend, but agree with her that right now isn't the time for anything. How many tattoos do you have? Currently only six. :( What is your favorite thing to do? Car rides with Mom while I ride passenger, controlling the music nice and loud with my iPod. It's odd, considering I'm very afraid of being on the road, but it's just such a freeing, wild feeling to blare music and just go, letting your mind wander. How many pets do you own? I only have a cat and a snake right now, but we're getting a dog hopefully very soon, preferably today actually when Mom has to go to the appropriate city for her normal check-up to keep her cancer at bay. Her name is Vanna and sounds so perfect for us. Mom can barely wait. Are you close with your parents? Yes, very, Mom especially. Where do you shop the most for your clothes? Hot Topic or Wal-Mart. I'd really like more stuff from Rebel's Market; they have such a wide range of stuff that just scream my aesthetic. I got my purse from there, and it's fantastic quality and so cool-looking. Have you ever read a whole series of books? Well, one trilogy that I remember: Shiloh. I adored those books and the movies. I got very, very deep into Warriors by Erin Hunter, but then my interest in reading waned, and I'm immensely behind. I don't think I'll pick it up again, but I've thought briefly about it. When you tell someone you love them do you mean it? Yes. Are you going to walk at your graduation or just pick your diploma up? I walked. Do you ever eat anything everybody else thinks is gross? Hm, perhaps. I'd have to think for a while. What did you do for your last birthday? I just ate pizza at home with my one sister that was free that day, Mom, and a family friend, as well as opened presents. What do you plan on doing for your 18th birthday? I don't recall, but I think that may have been when I was in the psych hospital. Or was that my 21st? I don't remember. Do you have to type with good grammer? Yes. I type pretty much exactly how I talk. What is your favorite quote? It's hard to pick one singular favorite. Are you allowed to cuss in front of your parents? Dad could care less, but I try to limit myself with Mom, especially with "fuck." She's not a fan, nor does she like if I just swear too much in front of her. Like she won't yell at me or anything, she just makes it clear she wants me to stop. How long was your last phone conversation? Just a couple minutes. I didn't get the Zoom link to group therapy one day and let the place know. Turns out their email was fucking up. Which one of your friends annoy you? The family friend I mentioned a few questions above has the ability to be incredibly aggravating. I love her, but she has zero issue with inserting herself into everything (and sometimes we just don't want to see her), and she voices incredibly rude opinions literally no one asks for a whoooole lot. She's got a strong tendency to try to take control over every situation. Her being our landlord now makes it harder to speak up, and besides, no one wants to hurt her feelings. Don't be mistaken though, she truly is an incredible person with a heart more caring than probably any person I know. Have you ever lost a close friend to death? No, thank fuck. I mean, I think. I do believe one of my childhood online friends committed suicide because of sexual abuse from her own fucking brother, but I guess I'll never know. She was talking to me one night horribly depressed and scared and then just vanished. Bless her, I loved her. Do you know someone who suffers from addiction? Yes. Do you have a lot of pictures in your room? Tons of posters and artwork, anyway. I currently don't have any photographs, but I got this shadowbox thing for my bday to decorate with pictures of Teddy so I can use it in my "tribute shrine" or whatever for him, and I'd also like to frame the picture of Sara's and my first hug and maybe put it on my bedside table. Do you have Facebook? Yeah, I do. Have you ever found a dog/cat on the side of the road? I myself, no, but a friend's mom did find two poor kittens thrown aside in a fucking plastic bag... Some people are abominable. Knowing how much my family loved cats, she reached out to us, and we took them in and named them Aphrodite and... I can't remember the other's name. She disappeared kinda early. Aphrodite wound up being one of my most beloved cats and was even the mother of a kitten that same family adopted. Delilah is still alive, doing wonderfully, and incredibly loved. <3 Aphrodite, meanwhile, as well as all our other cats at the time, were taken by animal control because our neighbors were tired of them wandering, even though they were too fucking cowardly to confront us first. I've said in many surveys that I am very much against outdoor cats, but I wasn't then because I was uninformed and really didn't understand. I wailed and sobbed and just pure shrieked like a banshee outside when we came home to learn they were taken. I have no clue how any are now, and that's the worst part. Do you go bowling in your town? We are in the middle of a pandemic, lol. Even beforehand though, I rarely went. Last time I did was on a date with Girt. We had fun. Do you have a drive-in theater? No sir. What brand is your favorite shoe? Converse. Is your best friend's mom like your own? They're quite similar, yes. Both are very sweet and caring for others. Do you have anxiety or depression? Try both. What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Sonic. Do you own a pair of brass knuckles? Nah. Have you and your friends ever made up a word? Likely as kids. Do you have any embarrassing baby pictures of yourself? Not that I know of. What is the worst smell in the world? Anyone remember that survey I took mentioning my dog's old tumor? Yeah, that after he spent overnight in a diaper and inevitably peed himself in his old age. And he had a UTI. You probably can't even imagine how fucking vomit-inducing that smell was. Do you dye your hair a lot? No. :/ I really wish. I have so many colors I wanna try. Do you have anybody in your family who rides dirtbikes/fourwheelers? Not really? No one in my family owns one. My younger sister would totally go if you asked her and had one for her to use, though. She's done it plenty before. Have you ever rode a dirtbike/fourwheeler? Yeah, a fourwheeler, and it's really fun! Tell me how you got one of your scars? Hmmm, let's think of a unique one. Ah, my shins, left one especially. When I shave my legs, they get unbelievably itchy, even if I use lotion, and I would scratch my skin absolutely raw so often that I have permanent scars. It's partially why I barely shave my legs anymore. Have you ever had a friend who cut themselves? I know many, sadly. I don't know of any that still do, thankfully. I promise, it never helps. If you ever have the urge, I can't suggest enough running where you want to self-harm under cold water or slap the location (like your wrist) with a rubber band. The latter is especially helpful. It's a similar burning sensation and doesn't leave marks. It would help me refrain sometimes. What is your favorite thing to do in the summer? Swim in a nice, warm pool. Otherwise, become a hermit and wait for the outdoors to not be prepared to melt the flesh off my bones. x_x Do you go tanning or do you lay out? Neither, ugh. As you can guess from above, I hate the sensation of heat on me. What is your favorite skin lotion? I just really like cocoa butter. Smells really good and is perfectly moisturizing. Do you use a lot of hair products? The only hair product I use is shampoo, haha. Do you have a cousin you dislike? No. Well, one is incredibly brainwashed and misled by her psychopath of a father, but I love her nonetheless. We talk now and again because family is important to her. Have you ever heard Theory of a Deadman? Yeah, they're good. What is your comfort food? Absolutely ice cream. Who is your celebrity crush? Mark Fischbach/Markiplier is a perfect human being with the looks of a god and heart of a saint and you cannot convince me otherwise. What’s the song you most wish you had written? "Imagine" by John Lennon is a high contendant, for sure. Definitely something I'd write. Have you ever been stuck by someone very annoying on a plane/bus/etc? I think so at one point or another. Did you get lost at all on your first day of high school? Ha, for sure. Have you ever been interrupted during sex? A bitch knows how to act asleep if she hears a door so much as barely squeak, I'll tell you that much lmaooo. Have you ever been recorded doing stupid things while drunk? No. Has a significant other ever called you by the wrong name? No. Have you ever cooked anything and it turned out horrible? I've barely actually cooked anything in order TO fuck up. Have you ever made a bad first impression on someone’s parents? I can't say with certainty, but I think Jason's mom had her doubts about me at first because she commented on the ripped jeans I wore when I went to his house for the first time. She came to love me like her own though, and I love(d) her. I was actually just thinking about her and how she's doing the other day. What is a food that you always are in the mood to eat? Always? Perhaps sour candy, like Sour Punch Straws in specific. Ever held a newborn animal? Many kittens, yes. Do you make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles? I do, but just for the annual appeal of it. I don't actually believe it will have any effect on what I wished, it's just... normal, ig. What is the last thing you searched for online? Medical coding classes. Having trouble finding any free ones that are actually legit... Is it wicked hard for you to sleep when it's hot in your room? It's borderline impossible. Do you dunk your cookies in milk? Sometimes, and almost always with Oreos. Do medical terms make you uncomfortable? Ha, speaking of medical coding... No, not really. It's unnerving to hear "you have _____," but I understand it can be something so, so minor. Of course, it could be the exact opposite, but. I also actually find it quite interesting to learn the Latin roots of the terms. Are you afraid of failure? Beyond measure. Have you been called a bad influence? Yes, to my former friend's son. Not that that witch of a woman was a great person. I'd love to know how an infant can be negatively affected by receiving nothing but love from his "aunt," also having no concept of understanding about me being unemployed and not very "adult-ish" in general, which I'm sure is what she meant. Normally judgment hits me deep, but that shit I just rolled my eyes at.

[becksfm]

hey CASEY “BECK” BECKHAM , welcome to dillon university . has anyone ever told you you’re GAVIN LEATHERWOOD’s twin ? no ? well okay , i heard you are TWENTY - TWO & a JUNIOR at the university . we hope BIOCHEMISTRY isn’t kicking your ass too much , especially since you’re a STUDENT PHYSICAL TRAINER . see you at the next game, BECK & character’s cismale + he/him . 

it’s me & i’m here for round fuckin’ two , friends . this time i bring you resident GOLDEN BOY . . . a whole 6′1 of soft boy energy . . . floppy overgrown curls . . . king of talking - your - way - out - of - everything . . . retired hockey player . . . a man of Many Talents , of which the most astounding is his ability to look like he’s got it all together when , in fact , he does not ! under the cut , you’ll find a lil more about him . . . & if you wanna plot hmu @ 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣#9956 on discord or pop into my ims here !! 

𝑩 𝑨 𝑪 𝑲 𝑮 𝑹 𝑶 𝑼 𝑵 𝑫 .

dillon , texas born & raised . on the outskirts of town is a ranch that is enough to house the beckham family: mom, dad, and all eight beckham children . beck is the second oldest , with one older sister , four younger sisters , and two younger brothers . . . not necessarily in that order . 

mother , sophia mattheson - beckham is a lawyer based in austin working with the ACLU , and father , michael beckham has a small private practice in dillon working as a pediatrician . they weren’t home often , but when they were , they spent as much time with the kiddos as possible . it’s just . . . they were so rarely home that it really didn’t matter. 

with the beckham name, though, comes the pressure to be SOMETHING GREAT , and that’s something that’s been a part of beck’s life since . . . he can remember . little league & kindergarten grades were always taken a little too seriously , and it didn’t help that his older sister was a shining example of perfection . 

growing up it was hard not to like him. he was quiet for the most part , but goofy when he wasn’t . there was a little extra charm about him that just gave him an all around magnetic pull . kids wanted to be his friend and he wanted to be theirs . he fit in , but around home , he was the odd man out . beck was always a little more interested in sports rather than math or music rather than reading . it wasn’t to say he wasn’t smart , it just kind of –– bored him?? where his family was v

there was give and take with beck–– the golden boy of dillon but the black sheep of the family . he could play hockey if he kept his grades up. he could take guitar if he was also on student government and model u.n.. his parents would applaud him on his grades but never cared to hear him play; they’d show up for debates but rarely ever saw a hockey game. it was touch and go, his relationship with them, and it still is.

DESPITE IT ALL though, you wouldn’t catch him complaining. he bore the crown of homecoming king his senior year and never went to a dance without a date. teachers loved him, so did his coaches. he found a best friend in one cameron sloane –– ( because of course he did ) –– when the sloanes moved to dillon , and they were an unstoppable kind’a duo on and off the ice.

when it came time to pick a college, he really . . . had his pick of the lot. coulda gone anywhere, but there were roughly six reasons , all with the same last name , that kept him close to home. his parents even agreed that if he went in as pre-med, they would pay for the whole thing . . . and even make time to watch him play hockey. 

things were good for a long while, until they weren’t. you can usually see the stars on the outskirts of dillon, but one night, his sophomore year, you couldn’t. storm clouds covered ‘em up, and he tried his damndest to get cameron to stick around a celebratory party until it passed, but sloanes are stubborn and there was no changing his mind. 

cam passing away was like losing a brother, and he spent countless hours pacing in a hospital waiting room . . . hoping for good news and never getting it. beck had never known loss like that, and it knocked him into a bit of a tailspin . he quit hockey and didn’t register for school the next year . he spent a lot of time at a family residence in austin and even more time drinking . for the most part . . . he kind of DISAPPEARED , losing himself in the process for a good nine months.

they say it takes a village to raise a kid, and it took a village to drag this one out of a spiral. his parents. his siblings. his friends. and eventually . . .  dillon’s football coaching staff. a loud knock on the door from coach buchanan and a swift kick in the ass from coach sloane, a man who knew the kid almost as well as he’d known his own son. come work for us, they told him . . . and it was a way to get him back on track under a watchful eye that. wasn’t quite as critical as his parents

so that’s where we are now . . . back at dillon, a year behind, and working with both the football and cheerleading team as a physical trainer, playing a heavy hand in making sure both teams are the best conditioned in the state of texas. his grades are looking up, and he’s still on the fast track for med school, much to his –– and his parents’s –– surprise. 

the beckhams don’t talk about his little stint of a spiral. no one in dillon does . . . unless in tones of hushed whispers alongside judgmental looks. beck doesn’t mind it too much ,though . . . even takes it as a challenge 

𝑷 𝑬 𝑹 𝑺 𝑶 𝑵 𝑨 𝑳 𝑰 𝑻 𝒀 . ( i’m getting tired so this gon be ugly )

you want inspo?? i’ll give ya inspo!! richard campbell gansey the third ( dick 3 babiiiie ) is my main inspo for beck. you’ll also find a lil bit of jim halpert, a lil bit of rob maclanahan from miracle ( even tho he w as a real person too shhh ), and *insert big eyed emoji here* grizz from the society 

ever since he can remember, there’s been pressure on this kid to be something great . . . so he feels like if he has the capability to do something, he has to do it. . . there’s no choice in the matter. a lot of this stems. from his parents, but he’s also really just . . . overly critical of himself sometimes

boy is a fucking PARADOX okay bc sometimes . . . . with the way he talks. . . . he accidentally puts his damn foot in his mouth . he’s smart so occasionally comes off as condescending , but he’s . . . incredible in conversation with people he needs to impress because he’s hella charming

that said... this quote is REALLY important and REALLY summative of beck: “Gansey had always felt as if there were two of him: the Gansey who was in control, able to handle any situation, able to talk to anyone, and then, the other, more fragile Gansey, strung out and unsure, embarrassingly earnest, driven by naive longing.” –– let’s dive into that!! when he feels like he’s got a sense of control of the things around him, when he’s in his element or in his comfort zone, when he’s feeling confident , the boy is a force. he can talk you and anyone else out of any situation, and he has. he can make friends with anyone put in front of him, and he has. when beck is ON . . . he is on . . . but it’s a bit surface level because when he’s not wearing the crown of GOLDEN BOY and he’s . . . vulnerable . . . or unsure . . . or stressed . . . he tends to put that foot of his in his mouth and spit. out whatever it is he’s thinking. he’s honest to a fault in this sense, and he’s hopeful beyond compare. 

an introvert. . . . can CHARM u but doesn’t want to because honestly that is so draining and he’d much rather be at home. the popular type but only has a few friends that are really really close to him

loyal to a fault . . . will give you 392847 chances that you don’t deserve .. fool me once shame on you ! fool me twice shame on me! fool me three time what the fuck bro now ur just taking advantage of me 

very . .. calm and even tempered.  he’s a mediating type and like . . would rather find a conflict resolution than sWING u feel me

he’s cute.  .. . and. people love him but .  . . despite it all, he really doesn’t let that go to his head?? the boy was raised to believe you had to earn things and he’s just. idk . . .. humble king

eloquent as fuck ( lol good luck @ me writing that shit )

quick witted and very sharp

probably a lawful good type ngl :\

Does Not Do Well.With Change. when his older sister left dillon to go to notre dame??? boy damn near blew a gasket how dARE SHE go that far away!!! 

v close with his sibs . .. . activate Dad Mode. he loves all of them equally and definitely does not at all favor the 10 y/o baby brother of the family or his sister closest in age, who is also a student at dillon. doesn’t favor them ONE BIT 

u want a vibe for the beckhams??? “ the beckhams were courtiers and kings . when there was no castle to invite them, they built one” ( we stan ONE weird author lady named maggie)

insomnia!! the boy nEVER SLEEPS1! always thinking. always planning what’s next. gotta go gotta go gotta go.

kind of .. . a hopeless romantic :\ dated the same girl for most of high school but when she fucked off to ole miss she broke up with him in a text. so that .. . . . .. went well for him ..... still a dumb bitch tho and would love to hold ur hand

wire rimmed glasses, wool sweaters, light colored hoodies, distressed denim, cuffed pants, :\ chelsea boots :\

phobia of bees. there’s literally no reason for this other than my own, personal, geeked out pleasure

prank king

Smart Jock Type

plays guitar to relieve stress and you bet baby’s got some pipes here u go 

literally nothing like nicholas scratch DO NOT call him daddy

tall and doesn’t know what to do with all the extra limb like .  . . . . the fuck

will push you to your personal best in any conditioning circumstance

okay I THINK THAT’S ALL . . .. i’m a big fan of basic plots that kinda ebb and flow with chemistry BUT!! gimme the basics man . . . a roommate . . . a past hookup or two . . . some spicy friendships or . . . fRENEMIES even u know the drill

ok that’s all i hope u love him bc i am v nervous about playing A Man buT IT IS WHAT IT IS U KNOW

[falcqns]

hi u can ignore this if you've already talked abt it but what did andrew do to start changing your mind about him ?

hi there!! i've probably talked a little but not too in detail and it was a while ago so i can go over it again, and dont worry about crossing any lines, andrew is very open with his struggles and is okay with me talking about them (he sees every post as well).

he started doing small things like asking me if he could take Bubba for a weekend he wasn't scheduled to (he had her twice a month for three days before we got back together as i didn't trust him and couldn't stand being in a room with him). i was apprehensive the first time, but my bff invited me to drink at her house that weekend and it convinced me bc i missed drinking lol. i was a nervous wreck the entire weekend but she came back in one piece, and had new clothes and toys with her, and was the cleanest i'd ever seen her, so some of the trust came back.

then, he kept asking to take her random places. he'd text me and ask if he could take her grocery shopping with him and his mom, he'd ask if he could take her to the park randomly, and things like that. i was confused, but i let him, and she hated leaving him when he brought her back (yes, they do in fact love each other). he would also send me morning and night texts telling both me and bubba to have a great night. he'd text me and ask me how i was doing mentally and would say he just got a gut feeling to check up on me, and if i said i wasn't doing great, he would send me old memes that used to make us wheeze in high school and tell me funny things that have happened in his life. when i'd have a depressive episode, he'd bring over groceries, clean my apartment, do my laundry and take Bubba out for the day so she didn't have to see me at my lowest. when i'd had a meltdown (this was pre diagnosis and meds so they happened too often) he would even do my school work for me. the most important thing that stuck with me then was he would validate my feelings and how i was doing mentally, and never raised his voice even when i was being difficult.

on mothers day, we went out for breakfast and then were at the park, and he opened up. he told me what was going on in his home life, with his dad practically disowning him and divorcing his mom when he found out i was pregnant. he said he had finally gone to therapy, and said that in his first session he'd brought his mom with him and he had a breakdown not long into it because his therapist helped him realize how badly he'd hurt me and bubba, it helped him realize how much he loved me, and all the 'hate' he had in him was him projecting about his dad. he told me he was still in love with me, and wanted to get back together, but that we could do it at my pace, and that we could start off as friends, which i agreed.

i still was unsure about if he'd truly changed, but one day, Bubba was teething and wasn't feeling good. i was exhausted and on my period, and i couldn't calm her down, and i got so upset i ended up regressing, so both of us were in our apartment, sobbing on the kitchen floor because we were both smol lil babies and were both in pain. i forgot andrew was coming over, and when he did he instantly helped me. he calmed Bubba down, and called his mom to come over. she took care of Bubba and got her sleeping, and andrew took care of me. he was so calm and sweet, and sat with me in my quiet area of my bedroom and just sang praise songs to me since i hadn't gone to church in so long due to my anxiety. once i had calmed down, i explained to him what was happening, and what age regression was, and he was accepting, and told me that he'd love to be my caregiver if thats what i wanted.

it was a month or so after that that we actually got together. his mom had Bubba for the night and we were at his apartment and watching Harry Potter. he kept telling me he loved me and it was making me so nervous and shy and he started teasing me. he kissed me on the cheek a few times before actually kissing me and then we had sex for the first time and we both cried 😭.

we got together that night and have been together ever since. we went to a few sessions of couples counselling when we first got back together, and focused on developing our relationship and not just staying together for Bubba's sake.

i'm always open to questions about our relationship! this was a lot of fun to write, and it honestly feels like a dream how he did a complete 180 in less than a year, and i honestly believe its because his dad disowned him (he's a shitty person). im so in love w him yall

[thechocoboos]

Could you do the chocobros (+Ardyn and Ravus) taking care of their significant other while she's on her period?

These hcs have been sitting in my google docs for a week now--but hey, they’re ready!!! I ended up with eight pages of headcanons so brace yourself lol; wrote these while i was suffering from the very thing i was writing about. what a life.

HC: The Bros + Ardyn and Ravus taking care of their SO on their period!

Noctis

Noct knew that periods existed, he swore that he did, but he just kinda… forgets.

So when he came home to see you dying on your couch, he was just… ??? “Uh, babe? You okay?”

“NO, Noct, I’m not o-fucking-kay--”

“Uh.”

It was only when he called Ignis that he figured out what was going on, with Ignis exasperatedly having to remind Noct that hey, people get periods!

It was a short phonecall, luckily

And it didn’t take Noct too long to get with the program

Softness increases to 110%

Mutual laziness increases to 70%

Caring for his SO increases to 2000%

He does his best--but he also kinda. Just. I dont wanna say it but he doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal until he sees you crying over cramps, then he realizes that periods suck and that you just need your stupid boyfriend to give you the love and support that you deserve

After that, he gets better!!!

“NoCT, can you please go get me my meds? And some water--”

“Can’t you do it yourself--” He always freezes, remembering how bad it can be, “Shit, sorry, babe--” He already started getting up, bringing out a bit of your favorite snack as an apology, “You know I’m an idiot.” He said when he handed you your meds and your fave candy bar

You know, and for whatever reason, you still loved him

He kinda has to learn what to do and what not to do just because he feels too unsure to ask anyone

Unfortunately, it was also through trial and error that he realized how sensitive you can sometimes be when your period is knockin’ at the front door

He found out through multiple crying sessions--and yes, it was usually his fault, but he was always insanely good about making it up to you with food, cuddles, and movie marathons

He’s the boyfriend who goes to the store for tampons and pads for you, sees the giant aisle of them, and while he isn’t embarrassed to be seen buying shit for his SO, he has absolutely no idea what to get and literally grabs the first shit he sees

And of course, you send him right back with a picture of the brand you actually like and a pad in his hand just so he can get it right the second time

Cue the mental image of Noctis comparing the pad in his hand to the color of pad packaging in stores

“They’re both green so it’s gotta be right… right???”

In summary: Noctis is a dumbass and can be a bit insensitive about periods simply because he’s really not around women or anyone who gets periods, but he really does try to remedy his ignorance and any mistakes he makes

Prompto

Prompto, too, has never really had much experience with girls or periods or people with periods and he just. He tries so hard--he really does

He gets you a new teddy bear every single time (at some point, you know you’re gonna have to tell him that he can’t keep buying you new bears, but it’s so cute that you don’t want him to stop)

He’s the one who gets sympathy pain

I promise, the second he catches wind that you’re on your period, he’s out the door trying to find your favorite of everything

If you send him to the store for pads, he comes back with one of everything and lots of tears in his eyes, “Babe--I didn’t know what you wanted so I just bought everything im sorry oh gods”

He’s the pitiful soul who blushes as he buys all the pads and tampons and looks like he’s gonna cry

He’s the one who pulls a cart full of sanitary products to the first register he sees and is crying as he looks in the clerk’s eyes and cries, “My SO is on their period i dont know what they like help me please”

Christ, he’s a mess but he’s your mess and you love him

He comes back with every single snack he knows you so much as look at

Cravings? He’s got your back.

Like, you mention this shit you want half heartedly and then he disappears for three hours and comes back with a weighted blanket, heating pad, and three bags of those weird chips you were craving

He’s always blushing and frantic, but he blushes the hardest when you ask him to lay with you and cuddle

Ofc he does it--he loves it, but the bold, straightforward way you ask has him blushing head to toes

He once caught himself wishing people got periods more often just so he could hold you like this more often--he accidentally said it out loud, and you only snuggled into his chest more and told him to shut up and hold you tighter

Prompto is a mess but he tries so, so hard just to make you comfortable and content

He once drove for twenty minutes to find your favorite candy bar (and he would do it again, no question)

When you cry bc emotions, he starts to tear up, too

He always says, “Babe, if you cry, I’ll start crying and then we’ll both be crying and I don't think either of us can handle that on an emotional level” and then you both cry anyways

He likes to sing to you when you guys cuddle, his voice is soft but husky in the perfect way that lulls you to sleep

If you fall asleep in his arms, he falls asleep, too

He’s the extra bf who goes above and beyond unnecessarily, merely because he doesn’t know how else to help you

Gladdy

Holy Behemoth Batman! One of these idiots is properly aware of periods!!!

And it’s this one. Bravo, Gladdy, bravo. Fans everywhere are cheering your name.

In all seriousness, he is aware and actually knows how to handle someone who is on their period

Iris used to get some pretty bad periods, and with their mom not around and their dad always busy, it was Gladio who had to help her out and actually explain them to her in the first place (he’s never gonna forget when Iris ran up to him one morning while crying and shouting about bloody underwear)

So, needless to say, he ain’t shy during that time of the month. In fact, he knows more tips and tricks than you do, simply because he was one hell of a big bro for Iris

Heating pads? Blankets? Snacks? Damn good brands of sanitary products? He’s got it all and you didn’t even have to ask, like holy shit

Back when you guys were just starting out your relationship, you had actually gotten your period once while at his place and when you told him you’d have to go home because you forgot your products, he was like, “Oh--hang on. You prefer pads or tampons???” and pulls out a giant basket with a lobster on it, labelled ‘Menstruation Crustacean’

He said that he liked to be prepared in case Iris was over

What an absolute legend of a bf. Like, after that, you knew you weren’t letting this fucker go.

He rubs your stomach if you’re having really bad cramps and doesn’t even have to be asked to go grab you some pain meds--it’s like he has a sixth sense or some shit

Really, really chill about periods as a whole like he’s not scared to go to the store for you and he gets the right products!!!

Sometimes, when you get so sore and crampy that you can’t move, he’ll carry you around in his arms and doesn’t complain once

Will change your bloody sheets and isn’t the slightest bit grossed out--doesn’t mind emptying the bathroom trashcan either

Similar to Prompto, he loves to hold you and hum to you. He won’t sing, but even his absent minded humming while he holds you to his chest under one arm and reads some random book lulls you to sleep with ease

Quite frankly, probably the best of the bros when it comes to periods

He’s not scared of them. He doesn’t care if it gets messy, he knows what to do, like. Shit. Fuckin’ winner over here.

Ignis

Ignis, much like everyone else, does not have that much experience with periods. Didn’t really have many folks with periods around and he’s never had a SO before

So you would think he’s a hot mess--but nO! He would nEvER

He googled and he googled and he googled and he asked coworkers (always respectfully ofc) and he googled some more

He has an arsenal of tips and tricks and guides and everything--but he does lack the hands on experience

He will help you and he will buy you everything you need and more--but there will always be the hesitation of someone who doesn’t really know what they’re doing

One time, Ignis tried to rub your belly to help with cramps, but he only succeeded in tickling you and embarrassingly had to admit he doesn’t really know where his hand should be

Ugh what a cutie pie

He’s patient and sweet and he does all these small things for you without even telling you, and when you do notice, you feel like your heart is just gonna burst and vomit affection everywhere

He’s still a little embarrassed and shy when you boldly demand cuddles, but he does it nonetheless (he fucking loves it though he will never admit to it)

He’s the SO who cleans up bloody sheets and quietly gets blood stains out of your clothes while you’re vomiting from cramps, but never, ever makes a big deal out of it and does it with the caring affection of a kind man in love

Bumps his pun game to 110% to try and make you laugh

Knows which subjects and what phrases and words to avoid to prevent your emotions from blowing up

Even if they do, he never takes rude words to heart and he always comforts you lovingly, giving you a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek

He keeps an eye on you

If you shift uncomfortably, he’s there with a heating pad

If you’re meds are wearing off, he already has more in hand

Sometimes, if you want to cuddle, you only have to look at him a certain way before he’s sighing and climbing into bed next to you, reminding you that if you were anyone else he wouldn’t go this far

He just dotes on you in the quietest ways possible

Ravus

Insensitive Dumbass Part 2

Yes, he knows people get periods. Does he care? No.

Not until he falls in love with you, at least.

Cramps? Can’t be that bad. Migraines? Just mere headaches. Aches and pains? Probably nothing. He dismisses each symptom right up until you come into his life

Because when you guys get together--he gets to see firsthand just how bad everything can get

Oh gods you’re crying from it all?? VOmitting??? HOW WAS HE SUPPOSED TO KNOW--

He felt like a right dick (and he should)

But he was also quick to change his tune, because the love of his life can’t suffer like this

Not while he’s around!!!

He’s quick to ask Luna what to do, and thank god at least one sibling in their family is sympathetic and not a mess and a fucking half otherwise he’d be doing things through trial and error (not that he didn’t, even with the help)

He does everything by the written list Luna had given him (she knew he wasn’t gonna remember everything), even years after you two got together (he likes to use it as a benchmark of sorts to know when he’s doing everything you need)

The first few times you had sent him to the store because you ran out of supplies, he had absolutely no idea what to get and any poor employees who tried to help him earned the most aggressive, hostile glare he could muster

He ends up calling Luna, too, because how is he supposed to call you and tell you that he doesn’t know what to get??? And have you think he’s incapable??? NO! He was gonna be the best bf and get exactly what you fucking needed or so help him--

He’s just very aggressively in love. Little bit of a dick but he changes and grows as a person into the kinda man we can all love and support and who will love and support us right back!!!

He does his best but he doesn’t want to seem incapable of being helpful

Likes to remind you when your medicine is supposed to wear out so he can show that he’s some use

Anytime he gives you a massage or rubs your back or smth, he’s always giving you nervous, uncertain glances just to make sure you’re content or that he’s helping

Always giving you nervous glances just to check that you’re okay (he really loves you, he’s just not sure how to show it)

Lots of hugs and kisses but he’s embarrassed about all the skinship when you want cuddles (don’t get him wrong, he really, really loves it; he’s just… not sure what to do with all these feelings)

He learns how to be a supportive, wonderful SO when you’re on your period and maybe one day he might actually remember your favorite brand (but don’t get your hopes up too much at that)

Ardyn

Back in Ardyn’s day, periods weren’t exactly talked about, so the first few times you mentioned them, he was absolutely flabbergasted that you would blatantly talk about something that was considered so private

If he hadn’t been a healer, he wouldn’t have known near as much about them as he did

But even as a healer, periods were still something considered a woman’s subject and were usually left for women healers and mothers to handle so he could rarely do much

But then--Ardyn had to get pretty fuckin’ used to periods because you were pretty much out of commission when your “aunt irma” came to visit

First couple times you got your period while with Ardyn, they weren’t so bad, but then they went right back to their normal symptoms

When Ardyn came home to see you curled up in a ball, clutching your abdomen and trying to just keep your eyes shut to block out the light, he had thought you were terribly, terribly sick

“Darling--what’s wrong? What happened--” He was genuinely concerned and worried, his brow furrowed and mouth drawn in a worried frown. He hadn’t realized that your periods were so debilitating, so to see you like this, he had thought something even worse had happened

You only managed a groan when you tried to talk, and that only made him rush over even more, trying to lift your arms to see where you were injured, “Darling, please--”

“‘M fine,” you tried to say, “It’s just--fuck,” You hissed as a particularly bad cramp came your way, “--fine, jus’, that time of the month.” You wheezed, laying your head back down on your pillow

And that was when Ardyn realized just how terrible the symptoms could be

He was a worried man. Absurdly worried actually, and sometimes it made you want to laugh if everything didn’t hurt so badly

Ardyn was the kind of man to do absolutely anything and everything for his love, so that’s what he did

You never had to leave the bed for anything unless you really wanted to

Ardyn would deliver your pain meds on the clock, always accompanied by the most ridiculously jeweled goblet he could find (he was always one to be amusingly over the top and treat you like a queen, but his dramatics always cheered you up)

He was usually by your side unless you requested some alone time, and then he would respectfully kiss your forehead, say “Of course, darling. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call--I am always at your disposal,” and close the door quietly as he left

Otherwise, he would be laying in bed with you, one arm wrapped around your shoulder and the other holding some old book or resting across his stomach as he took a nap beside you

He would give you massages wherever you ached and he would provide herbal remedies from back in his day that were pretty good at relieving aches and pains

Ardyn’s innuendos and teasings would go on the back burner during this time--unless you instigated it

If you didn’t, he might tease you here and there, but always the tiniest, most light hearted things and it was always said in the softest teasing tones

All your feelings are valid to him, hormonal or otherwise, and he will listen to every word you say as though they were your last

Yes, you were usually treated like royalty by him, but it somehow increased exponentially when that time of the month arrived

[nordic-language-love]

Min Norske Dagbok 20/10/19

Below is an account of my most recent performing adventure. I really struggled to write this! I’m super unsure about a lot of the phrasing, so unsure that I’m putting a translation underneath so you know what I was trying to say. I almost gave up writing this, but I feel like I need to learn how to talk about my work, so I did my best. If anyone has time to give me corrections/feedback, I would appreciate it so much! I’ll even paypal you money for a coffee/beer/snack as thanks!

I går kveld utførte jeg branndans på en boksingkamp. Verste organiserte arrangementet jeg noensinne har vært en del av. Vi burde har gjort to opptredener: en med brann, og en med pixelpoi og vinkelsliping. Da vi ankom, sa arrangøren at vi hadde med feil slags vinkelsliper. Vi ble bestilt i en måned, og ingen sa til oss «dere må ha denne slags vinkelsliper» men ok whatever. Så de bestemte å innstille den første opptredenen, og fusjonere pixelpoi med branndans.

Altså... den første opptredenen burde ha vært kl 17:30. Den andre opptreden burde ha vært kl 20. Vi ankom kl 16:30. Og så måtte vi sitte og gjøre ingenting i over tre timer.

Men alt ble forsinket, og til slutt innstillt de pixelpoi også. Så angående brannopptreden sa de «vi er så forsinket nå, du har tid til kun én låt».  Vi trenger minst 20 minutter beskjed, fordi vi må dukke utstyret vårt i parafin - som de ble fortalt. Altså vi fortsatte å spør når vi skulle utføre (fordi vi fikk ingen oppdatere gjennom hele aften), men ingen kunne fortelle oss. Inntil fem minutter før, kl 21:40 (en og halv timer etter vi burde ha utførte). Vi måtte skynde oss til å dykke utstyret vårt og bli klare til å gå på scenen.

Jeg var der i over seks timer og jobbet tre minutter. Jeg ble betalt nitti pund for det, men herregud, det sugde.

Yesterday evening I performed fire (dance) at a boxing match. Worst organised event I’ve ever been a part of. We should have done two performances: one with fire, and one with pixel poi and angle grinding. When we arrived, the organiser said that we had the wrong kind of angle grinders. We’ve been booked for a month, and no one said to us “you must have these particular types of angle grinders” but okay whatever. So they decided to cancel the first performance and merge the pixel poi with the fire performance.

Well... the first performance should have been at 5:30pm. The second performance should have been at 8pm. We arrived at 4:30pm. And then we had to sit around and do nothing for over three hours.

But everything was running behind schedule (*i went with ‘delayed’ bc i wasn’t sure how to say ‘running behind schedule’), and in the end they cancelled the pixel poi show too. Then regarding the fire show they said “we’re running so late, you only have time for one song.” We need at least 20 minutes notice before we go on, because we need to soak our equipment with paraffin - which they were told. So we continued to ask when we would be performing (because we got no updates throughout the whole afternoon/evening), but no one could tell us. Until five minutes beforehand, at 9:40pm (an hour and a half after we should have performed). We had to rush to soak our equipment and get ready to go onstage.

I was there for over six hours and worked three minutes. I got paid £90 for it, but oh my god it sucked.

[mepencil]

fanfic thing uhhh yeah

Hi guys mepencil here from objectconfessions

This is blog is like an ask/RP sideblog for me and oc-version of mepencil

This fanfic is an introduction to their role in the ii universe

Uhhh tw for Big Asshole Yang Hours, it can be a little iffy for sensitive nb’s bc big misgender hours for plot point

 Paintbrush lay on their front on the mediocre hotel bed, staring listlessly at the little crab that scuttled back and forth on the quilt. They let out a huff, the rush of air surprising their crab friend. “Sorry Baxter,” they sighed. Sure, it was nice to not have the stress of the competition on their back, but they were still afraid. Afraid for Lightbulb, and Test Tube, and...well, Marshmallow was still missing, and apparently Apple had vanished with only a broken window left behind as well, according to the other eliminated contestants.  To be honest, Paintbrush was scared. What if something really bad had happened to them? What if that happened to the others? Or Paintbrush themself?  It certainly was a thought that Paintbrush deserved to be scared of.  Baxter flopped off his feet, making a discontent noise. Paintbrush scooped him up and arranged him in their brush, the place he had seemed to claim and vanish into and out of at inopportune times. Paintbrush was 99% sure that Salt and Pepper were still deathly afraid of the little crustacean.  They sat up and scooted off the bed, deciding that they were hungry. It was late morning, after all, and they hadn’t gone downstairs yet. The upper floors of the hotel were empty and quiet, but Paintbrush could still hear the muffled sound of Salt and Pepper yelling about something, and the bustle of OJ and Cherries in the kitchen. They were surprised the yelling of Yang wasn’t to be heard, but then they saw that the two’s bedroom door was still closed.  Paintbrush made their way to the elevator and pressed the button for ground floor. They muttered an obscenity or two at the horrible music choices of OJ, the sounds of which played softly in the minute-ride to the bottom of the building.  It was always a challenge to maneuver around the morning hustle-and-bustle, but Paintbrush had quickly forged themself a tactic, weaving around the many objects crowding around, expertly keeping their bowl of cereal steady. Trophy frowned at them when his attempt to trip them failed miserably, and they grinned defiantly in his face.  They plopped themself down at an empty chair at the table next to a sniffing Tissues. “How have the new meds been treating you?” they asked him.  Tissue sniffed again. “W-Well, I haben’t been sneezig as much…”  “A relief for you and everyone else,” Painty sighed.  “Sorry…”  “Meh. You couldn’t help it.”  “Thangks…”  Paintbrush shrugged. “Hmph.”  Across the open space a firm knock came at the door. Somehow it was easily heard above the hustle and bustle of the fight for the first at the pancake mix, and everyone paused a moment, even Soap, who was furiously cleaning up after the messier ones.  “...someone gonna get that?” Cherries’ left half asked.  “I will,” Balloon said, hurriedly jumping up from his seat at the table and running towards the door.  A tall cylindrical figure stood outside the hotel, hand on one hip.  They glanced a moment, back at the staring faces of the objects eating breakfast, then smiled. “Heyo!”  “...hi?” Balloon finally said.  “Sorry if I’ve interrupted anything,” the newcomer apologized, then gestured to those in the kitchen. “Do continue!” They turned back to Balloon. “Could I perhaps come inside?”  “Uh.” Balloon looked back towards OJ, who shrugged with a confused look on his face. “Sure.”  They stepped past Balloon into the place and looked around with a smile. “I like it,” they murmured.  OJ made his way past Soap and went to greet the newcomer. “Uh, welcome to Hotel OJ?” he said in confusion.  They turned back to look at him and smiled, They were a good bit taller than he was, and they held out their hand. “Thanks! I’m MePencil.”  He shook it. “Me...Pencil? You wouldn’t happen to be from Meeple, would you?”  “Yeah, easy to tell, ain’t it?” MePencil sighed, looking tired. “Adam wanted someone to...keep an eye on the eliminated contestants. Since, correct me if I’m wrong, Apple vanished, and MePhone ‘n’ Pad are having their own troubles with the contest…”  “They could’ve sent us a warning,” OJ muttered. “We don’t usually get people knocking on our door unless it’s...well, even that doesn’t happen anymore,” he murmured, glancing at Balloon (who had quietly returned to the table, where conversation was starting once more).  “You know how MePhone is,” MePencil shrugged. “Absentminded, to say it...kindly.”  “Well, I guess you’re allowed to stay here then. I’ll see if I can get you a room or something…”  “Just ignore me, it should be like I’m not even here!”  “We’re just starting breakfast...if you can call it that. Do you need to eat, or…?”  MePencil shrugged again. “I eat when I feel like it. Don’t worry about me, I’m like the babysitter that gets paid doing nothing. I’ll try not to bother y’all.”  “Well, I suppose,” OJ said unsurely. “If you need anything, though, just come find me.”  “Gotcha!” MePencil grinned, giving a thumbs-up. “I’ll be around.”

 “So, what do you think of him?” Paper asked.  “Huh?” Paintbrush asked, pulled away from the newspaper.  “MePencil.” Paper gestured to the corner of the room, where said personage was enveloped in a sketchbook. “What do you think?”  “I dunno.”  “I thought she was a girl,” Cherries butted in.  “Oh, don’t go starting this again!” Paper huffed. “He’s a boy. You can tell.”  “Girl. Can tell by the voice!”  “You could ask,” Painty muttered. Both of the objects shook their heads, and Paintbrush snorted. “No wonder you’ve never asked me. Not that I want to be bothered, anyway.”  Paper and Cherries looked a little guilty, but they said nothing.  “MePencil’s ok, though.”

 MePencil had taken to watching cartoons with Soap and Balloon in the mornings, sitting on the right arm of the couch in a debatably precarious position, sketchbook in hand. Sometimes they wrote, sometimes they drew, but it was pretty hard to tell the difference if you weren’t an artist. Or you could snoop on them from behind, but nobody had the courage to do that.  MePencil was, too, different from the other Meeple products. They were nice, sure, but there was something about them that intimidated everyone. Maybe their height. Maybe because they were there to keep everyone out of trouble. Maybe because they had no screen.  They were exuberant. It appeared that they were extroverted, but they normally didn’t speak unless spoken to and was often nowhere to be seen, probably in their room, which OJ had let them stay in.  Not doing a good job of babysitting, then, Paintbrush thought. Lazy.  They didn’t seem to eat much, either. Occasionally they would raid the fridge of its oranges, which no one commented on, but either than that not much.  They also seemed to have a very sarcastic sense of humor. “So, get this,” Nickel said. “When I asked MePencil if he was a boy or a girl, he said ‘I’m not legally obligated to answer that question.’ Like, how much more passive-aggressive can you be??” he complained.  “Not like you didn’t deserve it,” Paintbrush muttered under their breath. “Just deal with it, Nickel. Didn’t mean it to be disrespectful, I’m sure.”  MePencil often butted in on what other people were doing. They didn’t seem to intend to be rude, just curious, but it infuriated Paintbrush to no end. They weren’t sure what the others thought (probably a similar reaction) but they were quite annoyed with it.  “Whatcha drawin’?” MePencil asked, appearing abruptly beside Paintbrush on the hallway bench.  Paintbrush recoiled back in surprise, and MePencil flinched. “Do you mind??” Paintbrush snapped.  “Sorry!!” MePencil exclaimed. “I thought you know I was coming.”  “I was literally looking nowhere in your direction!”  “Sorry, sorry,” they continued. “I just assumed...artist, observant type...should’ve walked in front of you first!!”  Paintbrush snorted. “So you’re saying I’m inobservant.”  “No, no! You were probably just enveloped in your work. Or…” They trailed off and shook their head. “Nevermind. Sorry.”  The other sighed. “I don’t really like showing my work to other people,” they said.  “Oh, no, I get it,” MePencil nodded. “I’m the same way. I just enjoy meeting other artists, you know?”  “...can’t say I’m really too thrilled,” Paintbrush muttered.  “I can leave. Really, I just wanted someone to sit with, and everyone else is busy.”  “You can sit here, but don’t expect me to talk to you.”  “Oh, thank you!” MePencil grinned.  “Mmm. Whatever.” Paintbrush heard a whisper of a breath escape from their guest, a slight sign of...disappointment, perhaps. They chose to ignore it.  After some time MePencil spoke. “Your sketchbook is pretty beat up.”  “So?”  “I guess you’ve had it for a while, then. Surprised you’re not that far through it though.”  “I...don’t really draw that often,” Paintbrush replied hesitantly. “It’s not really a hobby.”  “Ah,” MePencil said, stealing a glance at what was on Painty’s paper. “I see.”  Paintbrush hid their sketchbook indignantly, and MePencil grinned slightly, guiltily. “Sorry to disappoint.”  “I’m not sad about it,” MePencil replied. “As long as we can get along.” They smiled cheerily. “I have many friends who aren’t artistic. It’s ok!”  Paintbrush huffed softly. “I’m perfectly artistic!”  “...that’s...not what I meant,” MePencil muttered, frowning. “But okay…”  “Hmph,” said Paintbrush, temper on the edge. Something about MePencil just set them off. They could feel their hair getting warmer, but they kept their cool in case Baxter had found his way into the bristles. It wasn’t MePencil’s fault that their nosiness had brought out those thoughts. They didn’t know and didn’t need to know.  Paintbrush shouldn’t be so angry.  They never should be, really.  “Yo, Paintbrush?” they heard, and fell out of the trance, looking towards MePencil. “You okay? You spaced out for a minute there…”  “...huh?”  “You kind of froze up,” MePencil said. “Like, you didn’t even blink.”  “Oh, uh. Sorry,” Paintbrush said. “Just thinking.”  “Hmm,” the other frowned, seemingly unconvinced. “About what? You were pretty out there.”  “None of your business,” Painty snapped.  “Okay, okay, I won’t pry,” MePencil nodded, their tone ever serious. “If you ever need to talk though, I’m available.”  Paintbrush stared a good long while at MePencil, surprised at the genuineness they had expressed.  Now there was a different side of any Meeple product.

 Paintbrush never took up MePencil’s offer, despite the fact they did really seem to mean it. They just weren’t ready to say anything. Not yet.

 “All right people, group activity!!” OJ exclaimed, arms up in the air.  Salt and Pepper instantly groaned, and then were consequently elbowed by Pickle and Paper.  “Meep here is st–”  “Ay, ay, no,” MePencil interrupted from the side of the audience. “Please don’t call me Meep!”  “Oh,” OJ said, embarrassed. “Is ‘MePence’ okay?”  “Sure.”  “All right, uh. So MePence here is still feeling left out–don’t think I haven’t noticed, Pence!–and as head of the household, we’re gonna participate in some good-old group activities!” OJ announced. “And don’t complain!” he added, squinting in S&P’s direction.  MePencil smiled at the gesture and shrugged. “Sounds fine to me.”  “I’ve got a list here…” OJ said, looking at said piece of paper, which he obtained from nowhere. “Alright, listen up! We’re all gonna go on a hunt!”  “A hunt for what?” Nickel asked, somehow polite enough to not show his disdain like S&P.  “Everyone go look for the crab! Whoever finds it first gets dibs on the beanbag chair on movie night!”  “Done,” Paintbrush immediately said, procuring Baxter from their hair. “Beanbag chair’s mine.”  Everyone stared at them for a moment, and then S&P started complaining in protest.  “That’s not fair! It’s her crab!” “She just had it right there!” “That was a horrible challenge!” “No wonder he screwed up hosting for MePhone.”  MePencil took one look at Baxter and immediately started crooning over the crab as if it were a puppy. “He’s so cute!” they exclaimed, lifting him out of Painty’s hands.  Paintbrush gave them a look. “You and Lightbulb would get along,” they muttered.  MePence grinned, booping Baxter on his nonexistent nose and immediately getting pinched. “Ow,” they said, but laughed it off, letting Baxter crawl up their arm to their shoulder. “I love animals,” they said to Paintbrush with a smile.  “I can tell.”  “Okay, uhhhh. Paintbrush wins the chair, I guess?” OJ said, a little taken aback by how quickly it’d been won. He hadn’t even said “Go!” yet! “Uh, next thing…I was thinking Truth-or-Dare.”  “That’s childish,” Trophy said.  “But it works,” OJ countered. “This is my hotel, my rules. We’re gonna play Truth-or-Dare.”  Nickel and Trophy both had the largest frowns on their face as OJ organized everyone into a rough circular shape.  Well, more of an ever-fluctuating oval. Not everyone was exactly the most still-sitting.  “Tissues!” OJ said, pointing to said object.  “H-huh?”  “Truth or dare?”  “Oh,” Tissues said. “Uh. T-truth…??”  “Did you take your meds today?” OJ asked.  “Oh, no, I forgot again!!” Tissues exclaimed suddenly, jumping up and hurrying out of the room.  OJ snickered a bit, smiling. “Ok, ok,” he said. “Paper! Truth or dare?”  “Dare!” Paper grinned, looking prepared to do just about anything.  “Eat a corner of your head.”  Paper immediately scowled. “You said the same thing last time!!”  “So?”  “Hmph,” Paper muttered, tearing off a tiny piece of his corner and angrily shoving it into his mouth. “Uh…Nickel.”  “Dare, just get it over with,” Nickel huffed.  “Uh. Sit upside-down for the next three rounds.”  “That works,” sighed Nickel, rolling over onto his head, meticulously balanced. “Hmm...Meep,” he said after an interruption of Tissues returning to the room.  “Truth, and don’t call me Meep,” MePencil said.  “Are you a girl or a boy?” Nickel asked.  MePencil seemed to think for a moment before saying, “No.”  “MePence, you gotta answer the question,” OJ scolded.  “I just did. ‘No’ is my legitimate answer, I’m not even trying to be clever here,” MePencil replied. “Sorry if it disappoints you.”  “That’s even worse than your ‘not legally obligated’ answer from last week,” Nickel scowled. “Is your gender ‘no’? That’s stupid.”  Paintbrush cringed a bit.  MePencil smiled at Nickel, but it was a very dark, irritated smile. “Perhaps you’ll change your mind someday! Okay, Yang!” they called across the circle.  “What??” Yang said, apparently having been MIA.  “She’s asking you truth or dare,” Yin told him.  “I pass!!” Yang frowned, crossing their arms. “You do it, Yin.”  MePencil shrugged, jostling Baxter, who’d made his way onto their head. “Truth or Dare, Yin.”  “I think I’m better off with a Truth,” Yin said, glancing at his darker half.  “Hmm, what’s your favorite food?”  “Well, I quite enjoy milkshakes,” Yin contemplated, “but Yang doesn’t often enjoy when we eat sweet things.” He looked around the room then, thinking of who to call on.  “Paintbrush!!” Yang grinned evilly, suddenly.  “O-oh,” Paintbrush said. “Uh...d-dare?” they decided hesitantly.  Yang’s grin widened, and Yin looked worried. “I dare you to tell us that you’re really a girl!” he said viciously.  “I…!” Paintbrush gasped in surprise, and Yin began to hit his darker half, scolding him. “I can’t–!”  “Yang!” OJ exclaimed angrily. “That was...you can’t just…!”  “I can’t–!” Paintbrush blurted again, stumbling over their words. “I’m not–!”  “So you’re not a girl then?” Yang grinned. “There we go, guys, you’re welcome!”  “But...I’m not...I-I…!!” Paintbrush blabbered, distressed and teary-eyed. They immediately shut their mouth when MePencil laid a hand on their shoulder. They looked to the other in surprise and MePencil smiled at them, winking.  “You don’t have to tell them,” they said. “Yang’s just being unfair.”  “Wh…” Paintbrush said, mind coming to the conclusion. “Wait, you…”  MePencil nodded.  “How long…??”  “It’s easy to tell if you know what you’re looking for,” MePencil smiled.  “Does that mean...are you…?”  MePencil grinned, squeezing Painty’s shoulder. “I’ll pick someone for truth or dare for you, if you don’t want.”  “Wait, what just happened?” Trophy asked.  “Dude, what did you two even just talk about??” Nickel exclaimed, rolling over rightside up again.  “They’ve got their own language,” Soap hypothesized, and MePencil snorted, grinning.  “Paintbrush, are you okay?” OJ cut through the chatter, frowning.  “I think so,” Paintbrush replied unsurely, still shaking a bit. MePencil pat their shoulder.  OJ sighed quietly, then turned to YinYang angrily. “Sorry, Yin,” he began. “Yang, you are denied movie privileges for the next week!”  “It’s ok, I get it,” Yin nodded solemnly.  “What???” Yang exclaimed.  “You went entirely too far!” OJ retorted. “You made Paintbrush cry, and he’s not a person I see crying!” Paper folded his arms and nodded in agreement.  “Yeesh, even I wouldn’t do that,” Trophy muttered.  “Same, same,” Nickel said.  “Dirty move, Yang,” Soap frowned.  “Oh dear,” Balloon muttered.  “I think that’s enough group activity for today,” OJ huffed, standing up. “Remember you get the beanbag chair,” he smiled at Painty hopefully.  “Here, let’s go up to your room,” MePencil said softly as the group awkwardly disbanded, helping Paintbrush up. “Too many rude faces down here.”  “Are you sure you’re gonna be all right?” Cherries came up and asked worriedly. “Yang is such a meanie!”  “I’ll recover,” Paintbrush assured the little ones, managing a smile.

 “I hate that I can’t bring stuff up with everyone else,” Paintbrush vented in the empty elevator. “But they just wouldn’t get it!”  “I know,” MePencil sighed. “Being the third can...be a burden.”  Painty looked to them. “So…’they?’”  “Yep,” MePencil nodded. “Sometimes I like ‘he,’ but never ‘she’.” They smiled to the other. “You ‘they’ too?”  “Yeah.” Paintbrush looked listlessly up at the light that sat in the center of the elevator ceiling. “Only Lightbulb knows, though.”  “And me.”  The elevator door dinged, and as the two stepped out shoulder to shoulder, Paintbrush took into account that all of MePencil’s ‘annoying’ pestering was just...an extended hand for a friend, for someone akin to talk to.  MePencil was a C, and Paintbrush was not alone.