#i feel like ive lost my social skills

[sugucidal]

[dontwanderoff]

so at what point am i meant to be brave and ask the ap about whether i'm writing reports this term or not??

[laikahh]

youreaddictedtolonelinessand desperationitsthestrongestemotionyouveeverknownsoyoursubconscioustellsyouthatitsyourdestiny.com/careers

[cielles-random-vault]

new year's hangover☆

lil drabble where you befriend ghost at the tf141 new year's party... what can possibly go wrong?

content: drunkness, socially anxious-ish reader, ghost being ghost, passing out and hickeys.

author's note: UHHH HAI IM BACK?!?!? icl im kinda hating myself because im posting a drabble instead of a full work.... am sorry.. mi bad mi bad... also im waiting for friday for new invincible content because the brainrot is REALLL

also pls pretend i posted this on new year's eve... HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YALL BTWWWWW

shotout to @unabashedcroissanttreefan bc i want to make her bitter /hj, and to @michelleart8 ! <3

anyway enjoy and pls reblog

wc: 1836

"will you be coming at the new year's party tonight?" price asked as he noticed you filling some paperwork in the common room.

"i dont think so" you sigh, "im not that much of a social person, and i still have a lot of paperwork to fill in,let alone medical files."

"are you sure?" price asked, worried you might overwork yourself, but then an idea suddenly came to his mind. "i heard the lieutenant will be there as well, rumors have it you have a crush on him, so it'd be a good opportunity to actually talk to him, instead of just- avoiding him like you do."

the thought of captain price having noticed you had a crush on ghost sent a bright blush to your cheeks, but you waved those thoughts away.

"even if he was here, that doesn't mean i stand a chance with him" you reply, losing focus on your paperwork, now that the lieutenant was mentioned. "we barely talk anyway, and he seems to hate me so..."

"he seems to hate everyone" price chuckled, "dont take it personally. did the fact that he will be there change your mind?"

"i dont know" you sigh, but your little smile was betraying you. "it will depend on whether i have finished filling those files. at what time will it start?"

"around 7!" price replied with a subtle smile, feeling like he convinced you to come. "oh,and, you can come in a casual outfit, no need to pull up the formal uniform", he winked and left.

the few hours that separated you from the awaited party came, and all of a sudden a sudden peak of anxiety invaded you.

what if everyone made fun of your awful social skills? what if you didnt dress well enough?

your overthinking stopped as you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket; surprisingly enough, it was a text from price.

are you coming? ghost is here 👀

you chuckled as you put on a comfy sweater, and headed to the common room.

"you came!!" price greeted you, smiling brightly at you. "make yourself at ease, go get yourself something to drink, and who knows? maybe alcohol can help you make a move on our lovely lieutenant" he chuckled, before handing you a cup of alcohol.

"do you... want to get me drunk so i could get rid of my social anxiety?" you asked price, raising an eyebrow.

"maybe" he chuckled, already sounding drunk, "is it working?"

"not reall- ouch"

you blushed brightly as you noticed ghost was the one who stumbled into you.

"oi," he said, sounding slightly drunk as well, "im sorry. must've lost my balance, probably drank too much already. you're y/n, right?"

"y-yes," you nod, still not over the interaction, praying he didn't notice the bright blush on your cheeks, "why?"

"because..." he tries to articulate, and nearly fell on the floor, "ive been meaning to tell you... you're doing a great ass good job... dont let my mean words convince you otherwise, k?"

"oh-" you said, taken aback by this sudden demonstration of kindness, your heart melting. "thank you lieutenant..?"

the evening went on, until the cheerful "happy new year!!!" resonated in the walls of the tf141's buildings, everyone happy to finally greet the new year.

the party then came to an end, and so you decided to stay a little longer to help clean the room. once you got done, and got ready to head back to your quarters, you noticed an odd figure.

was ghost... asleep? he sure seemed to. he probably passed out due to all the alcohol he had drank, and you couldn't blame him.

that's how he somehow ended in your quarters - and if you were to be honest, carrying a man as massive as him was NOT an easy thing, but you somehow managed to. you tried your best to put him in a comfortable position on your couch, but bringing him here was already kind enough, wasn't it? so you just left him laying down on the floor, covering his massive frame with a blanket, and put a pillow under his head.

"this sure was a strange new year's day" you thought out loud, "happy new year lieutenant"

just in case something happened to ghost, you decided pull an all nighter (?), and you were right to, well at least, soft of.

in the middle of the night, ghost woke up, seemingly not over his hangover.

"i'll tell you what, y/n, ive always been in love with you." he mumbled, barely able to stand.

your heart dropped at this confession, but you had to stay lucid: he couldn't possibly mean it, it had to be the alcohol, right? that would make no sense if he was in love with you.

but you couldn't help to secretely wish what he was saying was true, after all you know the saying: drunk words are sober thoughts, and now you really hoped the saying was true there.

"lieutenant,you're drunk, you should go back to sle-"

he interrupted you by kissing you, first on the lips, and then moved on to your neck, leaving a little trail of hickeys here and there.

you gave in the kiss, you knew it was wrong, but it felt so good, but quickly waved those thoughts off: it was wrong in any way. he was your superior, and drunk, you couldn't abuse his drunken state like that.

but the feel of his lips on yours sure felt like heaven...

as if nothing happened, he smirked softly as he pulled out of the kiss, and resumed his peaceful slumber on your floor.

however, the next morning was nothing like that.

"looks like someone had fun last night" ghost grumbled as he noticed your many hickeys. "what the fuck am i doing here? and where even is here, and did you poison me? why is my head pounding?" he asked, back to his usual stern self, and you would actually be surprised if he didnt.

"youre in my quarters" you reply as you handed him a cup of anti hangover tea. "i brought you here because we were the only two remaining at the party, and you passed out. and hum... about the hickeys, how much do you remember from last night?" you ask as you look away, embarassed at the thought of last night's passionate kiss.

"i dont remember shit, why?" he asked, sounding more annoyed than mean.

"okay i..." (you sigh) "promise not to get mad at me if i tell you?" (he shakes his head, annoyed) "okay, so... you confessed yesterday." you blurt out, "but that is not all." (you gulp.) "we also kissed and... you gave me those hickeys."

"oh." he said blankly, and you could feel the blush in his voice, despite his mask.

"yeah.." you chuckled awkwardly, not daring to look at him, "but i have one question though. were you honest when you said you... 'always have been in love with me?"

your heartbeat quickened as you waited for his answer, but you had to know.

"would it be weird if i said yes..?" he asked, unable to look at your eyes, and your heart nearly missed a beat. "i mean, youre always doing what youre told to despite the fact that i treat you like shit and... i don't know, i guess that made me develop a kind of soft spot for you... do you happen to feel the same way..?" he asked, and you could feel the vulnerability in his voice.

"i- i think i do..?" you replied, both confused and relieved. "i mean, i always thought you hated me but.. this feels a bit rushed. can we do it again?"

"okay" he nodded, "how does 'hello, my name is simon riley, known as ghost, lieutenant from the task force 141, and i am in love with the wonderful y/n' sounds?" ghost chuckled with a soft smile, loving at you with loving eyes.

"much better" you reply with a soft smile, butterflies fluttering in your stomach, way better.

later on that day, when you and ghost headed to the briefing room hand in hand, price couldn't help but let out a small laugh.

"see? seems like alcohol can do wonders" he whispered, and it made you let out a small chuckle as well.

[zebulontheplanet]

Hello

I am so sorry if this not good to ask/ the right place to ask (idk how tumblr works yet). Please lmk if so and i will not do it again /gen.

I am concerned I may be exhibiting signs of catatonia. I know it is not smth to be self dxd and is very serious but I can't find a huge amount of useful things online and idk what to do so i thought id ask you so i can get a better idea of whether to seek professional help seeing as you have lived experience with it. I hope that's okay

I have slowly been losing skills over the past year (not in burnout). Ive lost a lot of maskjng ability, I find speaking harder and often talk like a younger child despite my advanced vocabulary as a result, I get stuck on tasks and now need physical or verbal prompting to do a lot of tasks like bADLs i didnt need this for before (not counting iADLs bc i dont need to do those because im 15, nearly 16, altho i doubt they would be better). My sensory issues have worsened and so have my meltdowns and shutdowns (which were already not great). I have episodes where I feel like I literally cannot move and my body won't move or will only move very slowly or jerkily. It is like it won't process what my brain is telling it to do. I also stim more often and far more noticeably. Idk who to go to. :(

What other overall areas does catatonia cause decline in - for example does it cause social skills to decline, etc? I've noticed my social skills worsening quite a lot too which is why i ask.. the stuff ive found online can be a bit vague/ confusing or not what i want to know.

I'm scared because idk what is happening and it's really confusing. You don't have to respond to this and I'm sorry for rambling.. is it worth going to a professional? Can this kind of thing be caused by other stuff? If I were to go to a professional it would probably take ages because the waitlists are so long here. I'm just really confused and kinda scared and I dont want to lose more skills :(

Hello, so regular catatonia is different from autism catatonia with regression. Catatonia is very serious, and if you believe you are having it then PLEASE seek out medical attention. Autism Catatonia is usually regressive, and gets worse with time without treatment. Which, I am personally experiencing and it’s the reason I’m on medication for it.

Catatonia is a very serious condition, and can be life threatening in some. So it’s important to know the warning signs and contact a professional. Do NOT wait and contact someone as soon as possible.

Regression is hard, but regression doesn’t mean catatonia. So if you think you’re experiencing regression then that doesn’t automatically mean you have catatonia, if that makes sense. Catatonia for me is episodes of complete freezing, and episodes of slowness. Even outside of tasks I have catatonia. Although tasks are a huge trigger for my catatonia.

Please don’t try and self diagnose it and seek out medical help. I hope you have a lovely day and get the help you need. ❤️

[enter-the-performapals]

@arcvmonth Day 5: Action Magic- Overpass

Alright, so I know the Dragon Boys Roleswap Shuffle is a pretty basic AU but I feel like I have an interesting take on it!

For the art today I wanted to draw Fusion!Yuya (hes gotta have some absolutely messed up anglicised name... Eia? Taking suggestions lol) being intimidating during the Xyz war, but it turned into POV: You're getting turned into a card. And stormy ambiance because Winter storms have been pretty crazy over here...

AU thoughts under the cut!

(Quick content warning for mental absue!)

Ive seen a couple of people theorise that Yuya, if roleswapped with Joeri, would still be happy-go-lucky but in a murderous psychopath kinda way. Personaly, I think the opposite.

In my idea of a roleswap, Yuya would be grow up as an orphan, desperately doing whatever he could to eventually get into Academia, which he does around ~10 years old.

Having pretty poor social skills, but still having a positive attitude, he'd make some acquaintances in the first month or so until he catches the attention of Leo Akaba.

Leo, terrified of what Yuya would become, decides to isolate him. While his peers are jealous that he gets special treatment, Yuya is over the moon and starts to see Leo as a father figure and idolises him, following his every move.

Around the same time, Fusion!Yuzu would be taken in Leo as well. Over time, Yuya would see how much better Yuzu would be treated than him, the way Leo doesnt let him too close to his replacement daugter, the hate that would occasionally flash in Leo's eyes when talking to him, and he would start to resent them.

Yuzu's no saint in this AU either, being coddled by Leo so much that she'd view herself above everyone else. She'd figure out how to manipulate Leo into getting whatever she'd want, and rub it in people's faces. She'd act perfect around Leo, but as soon as as shes away from him, she'd demean and undermine the people around her. And Yuya would be her favorite verbal punching bag- as hed also been selected specially by Leo-and save the worst insults for him. She'd probably be known as The Princess of Academia.

With hs confidence beingbeaten down by this version of Yuzu, shunned by his peers who are jealous that he was hand selected by Leo, and just knowing that Leo hates him for a reason he has no idea of, he'd just... mentally shut down. Spiralling into a deep depression.

He would never smile. Barely speak a word outside of duels, which he'd be ruthless in. His eyes would be cold and dead, other than occasionally showing flashes of an intimidating gold.

Of course, even though he knows Leo hates him, hed still do anything for the Professor, in a futile attempt to be loved and accepted by him. Hed be a major player in the war, and hed still kidnap Xyz!Rin and Synchro!Ruri

He'd still be the personality with the most amount of Zarc in him and at the end of the AU, standard!Yuuri would probably show him that he deserves to smile and that no matter what hes faced in the past, there will be people there to support him and be his friends.

After a charater arc duel where he breaks down after defeat and vows to become a better person, Leo would have an angry rant about him being useless tool to the reigime and a worthless demon child that he never should have taken in and expunge him, where then hed fuse with Yuuri.

My thoughts for his deck would be something similar to Sergey's deck, but instead of humanoids theyre animals (like the performapals) in a very old, black and white, rubber-hose style constricted with vines, chains and locks to symbolise a trapped but not lost sense of innocence.

If youve read this far, thank you so much! Let me know-either by dropping me an ask or putting it in the tags- if youd like to see more of this AU, because Boy Howdy have I thought about it In Depth. Thank you for reading!

[wolfisland]

dylan diary

i dont get how anyone does it honestly. approaching things with good faith, i mean. i dont think ive had a single relationship or friendship that didnt feel doomed in some way. i lost a best friend of ten years and a best friend of five years both within six months of each other and its like devastating. to feel like no matter how much work you put into something and how hard you try to give people the benefit of the doubt and trust that its not just temporary.

i dont get how people fucking do it bro. i miss being okay with being completely alone. i used to be so fucking good at it. i let myself get used to a cushy social life with both irl and online friends and its like having someone hit you in the face with a brick. like hey asshole youre 14 again, remember what it felt like? you didnt forget, did you?

and like its such a basic thing to be upset about too. like its so fucking pedestrian. im not the first or last bitch to have attachment issues and a lack of social skills. but i am 24 (almost) going on 14 because my piece of shit brain has been so fucking backlogged that im only able to process how to actually feel SAD now that im out of my mothers house.

how the fuck do people just Be Sad. how do people just be sad and how do people just try and roll with things.

[no-sabo]

Alexander's Top 10 Games of 2023

#10: Street Fighter 6

Street Fighter 6 is landing on my list de panzazo because I didn't play enough of Baldur's Gate to include it. Act 1 gang, rise up!

It's tough trying to find the same hype that I had playing Street Fighter IV on the Xbox 360. I don't think I ever put as much hours trying to get good at a fighting game since and I don't think I ever will. This isn't to say that I don't think 6 is as good. My main thing is that I don't think I'll ever be in that kind of place in my life, or have the same friends with the same free time. Getting older is so wack. Street Fighter 6 is cool as hell, though.

#9: Venba

I think for immigrants Venba's themes are well worn ground. Food is perhaps the most powerful anchor to one's culture. Venba is beautiful, touching, and deeply relatable to me as a first born child of immigrant parents.

Make sure you eat something before jumping into this one. I'm pretty sure I ordered Indian food the day after.

#8: A Space for the Unbound

I don't think there's a game on my list with such a stark difference with the level of enjoyment I had between the narrative and the actual play. At times A Space for the Unbound can be extremely tedious.

A lot of the play involves solving puzzles, usually with a pen and paper at hand. That stuff can be nice, however the brief but constant loading in between areas really strained my patience. There's also empty calories in the form of fetch quests that trip up the pacing.

In the end, once credits rolled, those complaints melted away. It's a gripping fantasy story about community, bullying, domestic abuse, anxiety, and depression wrapped in gorgeous, detailed pixel art. And there's an achievement for petting all the cats.

#7: Hi-Fi Rush

Hi-Fi Rush feels like the remake to a long lost Sega game that they developed for the Xbox during their messy Dreamcast console exit. It's tough for me to describe why it's on here. I think I just genuinely miss this tier of game existing. Like, this game had fucking music from Zwan in it. Zwan.

I don't know, man. It's a vibe. It's really well animated, the characters are bright and goofy, and the rhythm infused third person action combat smacks.

I think this was the first game I completed on my Steam Deck in 2023. Actually, I think it's the first game I beaten front to back on it period?

#6: Super Mario Bros. Wonder

I know it's in to trash the New Super Mario Bros. games but I genuinely never had any strong positive feelings for that first DS game and it only lead to further my resentment for that series. They just made so damn many of them.

Mario Wonder, with its Wile E. the Coyote ass animations is so damn refreshing. I think this is probably the best implementation of the self governed difficulty levels, too. A kid can breeze through a lot of these levels, but being a completionist can get brutal in a satisfying kind of way. It's just so nice to be excited for a 2D Mario game again.

#5: Mediterranea Inferno

Part visual novel, part art-house movie, Mediterranea Inferno takes you on vacation with three Italian twinks trying to move past their Covid-19 lock-down trauma. It's funny at times, but quickly veers into some deeply uncomfortable situations. Also, it can get spooky.

It's an important game, but please heed the content warnings.

#4: Eternights

There's something alluring to me about the Persona Social Link system and any time a game decides to mess with that kind of thing I'm game to give it a shot. Eternights' main sell was "dating action game", so, there it is.

The gist here is there's an apocalypse and your player character gets his arm cut off and replaced with a magical one that can transform into, I think, anything? It's a sword for 98% of the game that you use to kill monsters. It's in third person and for the most part it's an OK action game. You get a skill tree and all that and your buds help you fight, though I think the combat truly shines in the back quarter of the game.

The game's whole thing is that you've got a time limit for when a dungeon has to be completed and you can either choose to progress through it or spend time with your friends, who are mostly female.

Now, to my surprise there is a male character that joins your crew late in game who can serve as a love interest and I was curious to see how that would play out given the homophobia present in the games with which it was inspired by.

The same sex story is, I feel, the most interesting route. It flips the corny harem trope on its head and you get what I believe is the most touching and fulfilling end given that character's relationship to the plot. It's respectful in a way the rest of the game wouldn't suggest it.

At some point in the story your characters are falling from up high and to save everyone the player character turns his arm into a bra parachute because in a quick panic he remembers seeing them on one of the girls in your group. It's childish as hell to be sure, but there's a lot of heart here and I can't wait to see what this one man studio does next.

And I'd like to request for more RPGs to be sub-20 hours like this one. It does wonders for pacing.

#3: Jusant

I kinda' just melted into Jusant. This game is gorgeous and the danger free climbing was so meditative during some really dark and ongoing political unrest. It feels selfish to even say this but it felt good to get home and get lost in something that provided very little consequence.

Fuck Joe Biden and free Palestine.

#2: Bomb Rush Cyberfunk

Sega can keep Jet Set Radio. Team Reptile understood the assignment.

Look, there's a lot you can do to modernize Jet Set and I'm sure Sega's got their top engineers on it but fuck all that. This shit with its simplified graphics runs at 90 FPS on my Steam Deck. It's got all the vibes down and it manages to improve on the mobility and graffiti systems.

Like Hi-Fi Rush I just miss this tier of game but, like, x10 for this specific series. It improves on the concepts of the games that inspired it. I was eating here.

#1: The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

I don't think I have the capacity to express what Breathe of the Wild meant to me when I first played that game back in 2017. It's gotta' be my favorite game of all time. At least, it was? Still is? It's a toss up. Both Tears of the Kingdom and Breath of the Wild have surprisingly different philosophies and it sort of depends on how I'm feeling. All this to say that Tears of the Kingdom is a genuine master piece.

I'm sitting here trying to think of where to even begin. Is it the physics driven world that doesn't seem to break no matter what nonsense you throw at it? Do I talk about the fact that this is the most touching Zelda story to date? How about how the Colgera boss fight theme smacks? Why does this game look so good off like 2011 hardware?

Tears of the Kingdom embodies play. It begs you to be curious and creative. A sanbox with a capital S. My favorite game of 2023 and favorite game period?

Best Games of 2022 in 2023

2023 was stacked, but I had to make room for some stuff that I missed the previous year. If I do this list again the 2023 in 2024 section is gonna' be a damn mess.

Melatonin

I played Melatonin in December of 2023 and it came out December of 2022. i'm so sad it took me a whole year to check it out.

It's got cozy little Rhythm Heaven-like micro games that take place within an insomniac's melatonin infused dreams. It's dripping in pastels and good vibes.

Each level, or "night", has 4 or 5 stages that you navigate kind of like a Mario overworld. You'll walk to, say, the "Work" stage where it runs you through a brief tutorial. There you get a feel for the song and the beats you need to match with button presses. Once you get through that it begins your real run. Rinse, wash, repeat.

I like it a lot. The visuals are super pleasant and it's really satisfying when you nail those perfectly timed button presses to the beat of the music. I only just started it but felt compelled to throw it on here.

He Fucked the Girl Out of Me

This one's tough to talk about. I feel like I don't need to be taking up oxygen in this conversation.

He Fucked the Girl Out of Me is a short Game Boy game about sex work and trauma. This game isn't enjoyable, but it is profound and important.

Again, please heed the content warnings.

I Was a Teenage Exocolonist

If this game had come out in 2023 it would be my number 2.

You begin life on a colony as a 10 year old. You, your parents, and the other colonists escape an Earth on the brink of collapse and crash land on a barely habitable planet. From there you live your life through to adulthood, making choices along the way that affect you, your friends, and the overall colony.

There's a card system that carries a lot of your decision making as a sort of stand in for something like a skill check or a random dice roll. You obtain cards through specific actions and relationships. It's not the greatest mechanic but it's serviceable and feeds well into the gameplay loop.

The game ends when your character turns 20 where your story concludes in one of many different outcomes, but that's not where it stops. The game has a time loop mechanic. You're meant to roll back in on a NG+ and see a lot of the different ways the game could end where you're meant to "fix" mistakes you made in your first playthrough. It works really well and is a core part of the experience.

I binged this game for a whole weekend. I could not put my Steam Deck down. I Was a Teenage Exocolonist is Young Adult fiction at its peak and in a year full of platitudes, "one of my all time favorites" feels like it has very little meaning, but man this one of my all time favorites.

[zzencat]

Hello, I hope you’re doing well 💕 I saw you were giving free mini readings and I was hoping that I could get one?

I’ve been feeling very confused on what to do lately since there’s so many things I want to do or achieve but I don’t know where to start. Like I have an idea of how I want my life to be but I don’t know how to get there. I don’t know if I just have bad intuition or whatever.

So I guess my first question is how do I achieve my goals or how do I clear the confusion I have currently regarding how to achieve my goals? (For example some of my goals include learning how to connect with my spirit guides, getting a job/deciding on a career, etc.)

What is my future spouse like?

Does anybody have a crush on me currently?

My initials are E.O.H, I’m a Cancer Sun, and my emojis are 💕😜🕺. Thank you so much!

Boy oh boy EOH, get ready to read your morning newspaper 🤧

(1) Right off the bat, EOH, I should ask you: what do you think intuition is? What does it mean to you? I think a part of your fears your own intuition, maybe you think it’s a weak point of yours, or maybe you just don’t trust it. That’s the hard part and inevitably the one you’ll have to learn to trust: your gut feeling. I think you have a lot of distrust in yourself and there’s a disconnection between you, your body, and your mind. Learn to tap into your intuition slowly, sit by yourself and let your thoughts flow. Let them say whatever they want. Eventually, you’d have to learn how to recalibrate yourself and think about what you really want and need in this lifetime. I think there’s a large disconnection with your inner self that we couldn’t begin to see where to start. If you don’t already journal, I suggest that for ya!! Sometimes journaling is too slow for me so I’ll record voice memos for myself, just whatever I’m thinking or feeling, or if I’m bored. These outlets give you a voice and a chance to hear yourself out. You should recognize your efforts and give credit when and where it’s due!!

I also would recommend that you learn to focus on the good instead of the bad. Pessimism and throwing yourself and your perceptions into a negative loop isn’t healthy for your intuition either, bc it automatically creates a biased view of things and stunts you from strengthening your intuition. And you’re obviously very harsh on yourself, constantly being in a beat-up mentality, but we’re in charge of it, yeah? So recognize it and condition your mind to let go of that negativity, and naturally you will. Your intuition begins with “I” right, so “I” would have responsibility over it, in growing and nurturing it. I suggest you be more gentle with yourself and try to look at things with a more unbiased or optimistic perspective! Even when things aren’t so bright. Don’t trap yourself in the minefield of the self. Acknowledging a bad situation or circumstance doesn’t mean staying in it forever :)

I think you’re smart and you can be a bit rough with your words, so better communication skills are recommended!! Growing up with adhd and broken ass parents who fought every second, I know how it feels to sound like a socially inept rat (not saying you are one btw, ive just been there 😂😂) and because of this, I always watched YouTubers like Ryan higa (who also has adhd) or other YouTubers with their friends to see how to…talk to people, essentially. How to interact properly and not sound like an asshole or a mess or say things that would get my ass knocked down. Observation is great yk? You get to see how people talk to each other amongst their groups and see how their ways of speaking affect each other and ultimately, keep each other together. So I do recommend honing them communication skills, bc what else can humans do if they’d lost everything else but their heads? 😂🤔

I also think you’d be great in some kind of logical or leadership-ish role. Like a secretary, or someone who looks over things and make sure the delivery is executed well- ORRRR someone who mediates and plays a hand in regulating things!! But first, work on that mindset and intuition as I’d mentioned above!

As for connecting with spirit guides, you can look for messages in angel numbers like repeating numbers or specific combinations!! I usually randomly check the time, minutes on Spotify when playing songs, or license plates lmfao 😂 With time, if I randomly check it, and it’s like 4:44, I read that quickly as alignment or “yeah you’re doin something right” from my spirit guides. Now, I relay on tarot cards more than ever to talk to em. In order to establish that communication tho, start slow and something that doesn’t require much thinking. You can even say out loud, “yeah I see you guys hell yeah” when you see repeating or angel numbers somewhere. It helps you take the first step towards communication with your guides because you’re assigning definitions to things, and naturally your guides will catch on, bc they know how your subconsciousness works. Trust bro you’ll get there. At first, I was like “nah it’s all just a coincidence” but I still had a grain of believing, and later on, angel/repeating/combos of numbers became a way to foreshadow events ahead of time, which is…pretty fucking insane if you ask me.

(2) Your future spouse is emotionally mature and nurturing. They’re pretty protective of their family and balance of emotions. I think they’ve been doing a lot of reflection lately, thinking about the past, maybe visiting it physically or mentally. I think they’re someone who is creative by nature but they could be hesitant to push it out there. They’re courageous enough, but still cautious, tryin to be ready for anything. They look for stability in people and money, but sometimes they could play it too safe, be too kind, and bc of that, their own lives are put on hold or they can’t accomplish the things that they want bc they’re too busy prioritizing other people. Pretty nice person, pretty vanilla. I’d say they’re very kind and they’re learning to set up their own boundaries, esp when people try to take advantage of their heart.

I think they’ve recently gone thru something a bit sad, but they’re not letting that get them down. It was a hit and stab, and but they’re getting up and not giving up, even when the wound hasn’t fully healed yet. They’re not letting themselves go down the rabbit hole of stagnancy, and they’re using it as fuel to begin something else 🥹🥹

(3) I’m not to sure about who it is, but if it’s gonna be anyone who might be interested in you romantically, it could be someone who’s more action oriented, has mentor or leader vibes, and probably a fire sign (or has very prominent fire sign placements and a lot of them). Also a piece of advice, don’t just be accepting of anyone who might confess. Keep your standards up and clean 🫡

PHEWWW long read but I hope this gives you some clarity EOH!! Thank you for waiting 😊

[crystalis]

hi ive been following u forever now but im afraid to come off anon because im nervous lol but have you ever been diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder? its something ive been diagnosed with and when i read ur post i see myself in u bc im going through the same struggles. i cant drive, work, communicate or really just be around anyone bc of how terrifying people can be and the intense fear of messing up and being seen as an embarrassment/failure. ive isolated myself for so long that my social skills has deteriorated and i can barely form a sentence without extreme anxiety and i have some language attrition. idk if ur seeing anybody for mental health or if you heard of avpd but its worth researching bc i sure as hell didnt know about it before my diagnoses and now i can understand myself a bit better + i found a community of people like me. avpd is more than just regular anxiety its like anxiety^2 with a significant impact on your social and career life. its deeply rooted in your psyche unlike anxiety that can eventually be “cured” with the right treatments. idk i hope im not coming off as rude sending this message its not my intention to make you feel ashamed or anything like that. i just want to let you know that ur not alone in ur experience and that people care about u. anyway i hope u have a good rest of ur day and that things get better for u

no ive never been diagnosed, but i know about avpd and i sorta looked into it several years ago..im sure that i have it but i dont see anyone abt it or know what to do to treat it. i really appreciate the solidarity & it helps a lot to not feel so alone, thank you for sending me this 🩷 i relate to your experience a lot too and theres like such intense feelings of hopelessness and despair about it and its so overwhelming (i know you understand). its totally paralyzing, like a pretrifying irrational fear of embarrassment and humiliation and its so powerful..& the feelings of incompetence and shame that come with it. especially as you age. and then you cant relate to people your age, or make friends, or form bonds with other people. and the feeling of incompetence leeches into every aspect of your life and warps your perception of yourself and your confidence/self esteem.. ive lost so many friendships and years of my life and it feels like i buried myself in such a deep hole that i dont know how to climb out of. but its safe and comfortable in this hole, so you dig yourself deeper. when youre alone, you can never feel humiliated or embarassed. you can never say the wrong thing or miscommunicate, or feel self conscious of the clothes that youre wearing or the way that youre standing or the way that youre walking or what your hair looks like or what youre doing with your hands or so on and so on. you dont feel incompetent or scared or ashamed when youre alone, and its a self destructive desire for solitude that you just cant escape from and the ramifications of it are really painful. because you DESIRE to communicate and desire to feel loved and feel like a normal human being and form bonds with others and desire to experience things and make memories. you dont make memories or have any memories when youre lost in the void

[scuppy]

vent post

i feel like not enough ppl talk about the bad parts of autism like. oooh haha funny cute special interests ur so awkward n quirky uwu enough!!!!! its not all cute and being a nerd and being cutely awkward its meltdowns so bad i have to be physically restrained so i dont kill myself. its ruining so many personal relationships because i dont realize im doing something wrong and no one will tell me. its not being able to take a hint its needing someone to explicitly tell me "hey i fucking hate it when you do x can you fucking stop??" before even realize its bothering them. its getting so easily overwhelmed no one can take me seriously because i cry over every single inconvenience. its not being able to keep a job because of my lack of social skills.

i see a lot of jokes about it and i make a lot of jokes about it myself but recently i lost someone due to them just. not willing to deal with my inability to understand them. and thats cool i get it. but knowing its someting i cant change hurts yk. i want to understand i try. ive tried to "fix" myself but i just cannot change the way my brain works. im so scared everyone hates me for the things out of my control its causing problems for me. i want to just curl up and isolate because if i have no one then no one can hate me. fucking. sucks man.

[illusivekati]

15 OC questions - Adriana Noriega

1. Are you named after anyone?

hmm good question if you're asking if my parents named me after someone I don’t think so as for my lovely creator, I would say its homage to Adrissa from Ruination as she too went by adria as a nickname but heres about the meaning of it too As an Italian and Spanish name, it has come to mean “dark” as well. 

2. When was the last time you cried?

“I suppose when I lost my best friend Sergio on top of losing both parents.”

3. Do you have kids?

“No, I don’t have any kids thought about it but no “ 

4. Do you use sarcasm? 

“Haha if anyone got to know me well, they would find I do tend to use sarcasm when I deem its necessary.”

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

“What do I notice about people first hmm good question, I suppose their personality and how they cope with someone like me “

6. What’s your eye color? 

Brown Eyes

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Sometimes happy endings are nice I may have thought once, I prefer the thrill of things these days so scary movies even if horribly done ~giggles~

8. Any special talents?

Let's see I suppose when I used to make bouquets of flowers when I was living with my brother, I was a natural at it along with gardening, but if you were asked about now, I would say the abilities to make connections, charisma, and intelligence but not really computer intelligence ability to adapt and cooking.

9. Where were you born?

The Crumbling Isle, Windenburg (Midnight Isles to us)

10. What are your hobbies?

A little bit of gardening and bouquet making when the mood strikes me, but definitely alot of chess. 

11. Have you any pets?

Nope I wish I had one but not sure what I’d get.

12. What sport do you play/have played?

Well, I'm technically really not interested in footy, soccor etc, but I do like my yoga gotta keep myself sane for this new job ive taken on and swimming.

13. How tall are you?

5′3

14. Favorite subject in school?

Horticulture, Art & Social Studies

15. Dream job? 

Well, it used to be gardening or style influencer, but I feel more like my skills would be used well in something like a Diamond Agent, I would pull off very nicely goin on all sorts of missions and using my feminine wiles I suppose probably would end up with a cushy lifestyle as all my efforts would not be in vain. 

Thanks, you @helenofsimblr​ for the tag I love these tags. 

I will tag @themoonglitch, @kalissimsblog, @dandylion240 @igglemouse, @helenofsimblr (if she wants to do another) (not many I know currently that still active or know me :)

[wikileaks]

i wanna trip with people so bad but i feel like ive lost 90% of my social skills the past few years and i fear the social anxiety would kill me

[perpetual-dread-machine]

Big vent post, i dont have the brainpower to CW it

The sorrows of having pain on your shoulders that you cannot hold any longer. The type of pains you take to the grave. To have a single place you can untangle the long chain of pain is something most dont get the oppertunity to have.

I lost all hope in humanity sometime late last year, and have been trying to find a reason- any reason, to stay alive. i didnt eat if i wasnt at work, and i didnt sleep if it wasnt on my commute. I plunged myself into work when i lost a reason to live and all i have left of it is burnout, an empty bank account and a nic problem- my natural thought being if i couldnt die now id be fine taking years off my life for temporary solace.

I don't know why i cannot find peace in this life. Im beyond poor, have so few social skills i dont know how to meet other girls who'd be willing to put up with my shit long enough for me to befriend them let alone date, and often feel like a sore thumb when people who want to have me around bring me around people who live such wildly different lives.

Ive been off pain pills for close to 2 years now and my pain only gets worse with time, but i know how badly they ruin your life. Can't say much about smoking either beyond that.

Ive been overmedicated by quack doctors who throw more and more antidepressants at me when they only make it worse- and when i tell them what i needed i got a hand wave and an upping of dosage of mood stabilizers, cant afford medical treatment, cant find a job with consistent hours to feed myself, cant get financial assistance with housing or electricity because im already so broke the place wasnt up to code when i moved in- under the table shit, and got fucked up by a carbon monoxide leak.

It feels like an endless cycle, that if emotional pain wasnt enough in this world that my chronic pain makes it so i cant get a better job than the 8 hours every other week. So what do you do when facing that? The future is bleak enough im actually starting to worry if im going to make it.

I've lost my original will to live ages ago. Im praying i can find something to keep me here. Because even if its the tar of a cigarette, ill take that over the whirling dark of oblivion.

Maybe thats the addiction talking, maybe thats the truth. Im scared to face this world alone, but anybody who wants to get close i just push away. Its easier to push them away.

Its easier to push myself, away.

I dont want to be alive, and im scared.

This is the deepest darkness ive felt consume me in years.

Where do i find passion in my life again? It feels like everything will be a repeat of my past failures. And im doomed to end up in an abusive relationship like my dad.

Maybe if i just stayed with him and put uo with all his asanine shit id be in new york right now. A cozy apartment, obscene rent, rain on the window, lights illuminating the sky. Maybe we'd be happy now.

Probobly not. Id probobly have moved to new york then he'd have found a prettier tranny to top him before dropping me to the curb thousands of miles from home

Instead im here, in a world which i am in no way part of. Dragged along to experience the joys of friends, left feeling pointless and like extra baggage at every moment.

Maybe one day ill learn to accept that people care about me.

But why would they, i dont care about me.

Id be lying if i said starving myself felt bad. I like looking thin. I feel like im going to throw up all the time, food makes me actively repulsed, im weak and have no energy. Its totally worth it... Right?

This is why i fucking hated brat summer. Like every other good corperate faggot i got swept up in it, but something snapped in me.

Party every day when im bumpin that.

Like a bizzare and fucked up wet dream for anybody focused on nothing but vapid appearance based worth. But thats the nature of clubs right?

Maybe i am hot, i had old gay men buy me drinks and another weird queer fuck in my room at my house.

Maybe i am a piece of shit- free booze and guilt free sex with a loser who may have started stalking me, but its better than being alone. Right?

Is it better than being alone?

[nightfallsystem]

i know its easier said than done but you *really* do not have any sort of obligation to be good at or constantly improving at your hobbies. you deserve to do the things that you love, no matter if youre bad at them or not, or putting in the work to become better at them or just doing them for fun without any concern

ik this is the era of monetizing your hobbies and putting it all in social media and starting a small business or whatever the hell but thats literally just capitalism worming into our brains and it can go fuck itself. the word amateur has such negative connotations today, but it originally came from the french word for love, and i think thats still how it should be !!

i abandoned my hobbies too for a really long time and it made me feel so empty but ive been slowly coming back to them and ive realized that it was at least partially bc i was forcing myself to put in too much damn effort. i did not have that amount of effort in me, still dont, and thats ok ! like esp w art in my case, ive realized that being messy and loose w it and doing silly doodles brings me oodles more joy than forcing myself to create clean finished pieces, getting dissapointed w my skills, or just doing Nothing At All

its hard, but please try to give yourself some grace. pick an old hobby back up with no expectations, or try something new with the intention of having fun first and foremost, maybe even with the express purpose of being bad at it ! youre allowed to be, you dont owe the world a thing

i really appreciate it im srory but i cannot be helped thouh . but this means a lot to me so thank you. i am a lost cause unfrotuanteyl

it just sucks bcuz like. i try so hard to be good for months and then my friends literally do 50x better than me after just pickng up thh game so its like extremely discouraging because i want to be better because hhthhats what i really want to do it sems fun but thats legit never ever going to fucking happen so hwhhahts the point if i cant acheieve hhwhat i want to achieve

and ntehres also my anxiety and that wont ever be cured or at least lessened ever so i physically cant have any new hobbies anymore...

i feel empty as hell after abandoning almost every hobby i have but i think i just need to get over it and grow up i have art andn studying i should be happy anyway

[invisible-brandy]

love how you disagree to tell me that im wrong but every bone is healed and every stitch is sewn ive got some words to share but she don't like my tone i got some words to share she wont pick up her phone she's got some medicine she's choking on the pills she shouldn't feel this way a lack of social skills he'll take her out tonight she'll have an awesome time the only thing that's lost is the only thing that's mine