#i feel very proud of myself for not dwelling on it as much as i would have even just a couple months ago. progress!!!

[therevengeoffrankenstein]

still feeling a little panicky after recognizing the art style of an ex friend on here!!! but it's getting better all the time.

[saturnianprincess]

[pick a card] love messages

A short pick-a-card where I channel messages from your current lover/future lover/soulmate or just anyone with who you are or will be romantically involved.

Choose any group group from 1-4 or whichever bear you feel drawn to the most. As always take what resonates and let the rest fly! Hope you enjoy this reading :)

[Group 1] blue bear

Hey sunshine,

I know you are manifesting me and guess what even I am manifesting you! Life has just been about surviving for you lately and trust me I can feel that you have gone through a lot. I am proud of you for being a survivor but please don't feel hopeless, the skies get sunny and clear after the storm. I promise to be the light at the end of your tunnel. You don't have to do this alone, I am always there supporting you (even if I may not be there physically). Please don't dwell on what happened, I know I can't erase that but I promise you wouldn't have to deal with such a thing ever again. I will protect you!

Yours truly

[Some of you who chose this pile have been dwelling a lot about the past. Your future lover/person is saying that you need to heal yourself and let go of the past so that there is space for them to be a part of your life. Keep manifesting the qualities you want your future person to have and try to embody those qualities yourself as well. I am also sensing that some of you have detached yourself from your emotions due to some trauma you may have experienced (i am sorry you had to go through that) but, it's now time to heal it. Also, be open to change don't resist it! Trust the universe, it has some beautiful things planned for you.]

a song from them:

[Group 2] pink bear

hey lover,

How are you? Have you been getting those messages I keep sending you? Yes, it's me trying to connect with you. I am currently working on myself, I might have come across as too arrogant but I swear it's just a facade to protect myself. I have learned a lot of lessons that life has taught me and I am practicing to become the best version of myself for you. I want to build a home with you. A cute family where there's so much love flowing amongst us. I really just want to hold you so tight and give you all my love. I want to be able to give you everything you desire and even more.

Always and forever yours

[Omg, so much lovey-dovey energy in this reading it's so cute! For some of your future lover's higher self is trying to connect with you they are referring to signs or symbols you may see repetitively. Some of you may have met this person recently or you do not know them that well. They have this provider energy, and they really want to fill your cup with love!! Connect to your subconscious to connect with their energy. They are sending you loads and loads of love!]

a song from them:

[Group 3] purple bear

Hey soulmate,

Yeah, I just can't believe that you are real. Damn, I never thought an angel like you could even exist. you are truly my wish come true and I'm so grateful to have you in my life. We really are meant to be. I feel like if I wasn't there at that place that day I might not have ever met you and ngl this does scare me a bit. But I also know your soul has been intertwined with mine for eons and eons. I'm sorry that I have been so impulsive lately but I swear I want to experience life to the fullest with you so I just cannot stay still with you around! My heart gets all fuzzy when I am with you. I can't wait to see the world with you!!!

your fav boy/girl/person,

[Your future lover/spouse is giving me a golden retriever type of energy they are just buzzing with excitement when you are with them. Very wholesome energy! You both meet in a divinely orchestrated manner, it is a fated union of two souls. You might meet them soon or have seen them in your dreams or heard of them through other people. They are mesmerized by your presence.]

a song from them:

[Group 4] yellow bear

Hi y/n,

Life has been shitty to me. This turmoil that I am going through has made me feel like I am incapable of love. I don't know why but I don't have the courage to open my heart again. I have spent sleepless nights thinking about why did I go through that, I did my best but I guess I didn't deserve that. I know you are out there and I know you would never do such a thing but it's hard to keep hope when I see it being taken away from me day by day. But I am thankful for you, I really am. You have taught me that I can heal my heart and trust you to keep it safe. I love you!

Love,

[Your future spouse has been going through a tower moment. They are stressed and anxious about their future. Some of them have been betrayed by a person they trusted dearly while for others they are dealing with their own shadow. All in all a bit of heavy energy for this pile. You are the universe's gift to them and they feel blessed for you.]

a song from them:

©️2022 saturnianprincess | home

[thatdammchickennugget]

Hi, I want to ask you for advice and give you an ask for your 1500 followers celebration.

The thing is, I'm 19 and I am not in uni. I am very disappointed in myself and did not plan to be in the position that I currently am. All my friends further their education and had/are having higher education meanwhile I am still where I was three years ago. I always was the academic driven girl that was an over achiever until my half-second last year of highschool. But at this moment, I just feel so behind and failed.

I am happy and proud of my friends, don't get me wrong, they all deserve it ! I even have some of my friends who did not plan to go to uni and are at the moment there. I am happy that they're all succeeding, but I compare myself and I'm just at the same place, escaping in fanfics and just losing more hope that I used to have. It's like everybody started the race except me, that remained at the begining of it.

I did work a little on some of my issues during highschool and still try to do. I used to be severely bullied in middle school, litteraly had a guy saying that I was a monkey and looking like one, which affected my confidence and made me a little paranoid. I'm still working on my self confidence. But I still can't always be confident in my appearance.

I plan and want to go to uni and study what I want so bad. I wish to re-invent myself in a better version of myself.

Can you give me some life advice? You seem like a kind person with a good heart.

I'm not sure if you are still accepting requests for your 1500 subscribers event, but here is a request, it is completely up to you to do it or not, I wouldn't mind.

I also want to tell you " Congratulations on your 1500 subscribers, you definetely deserve it!!!" I love your fics and your writing so much, you have no idea! I look up to you and you definitely inspire me.

I am not sure how to describe myself.

I have brown hair. I am European, just not from the Anglo-saxon part. Usually, I am the therapist friend, everyone come to me and I give them advice ( that are genuinely good). I am normally an optimistic person, I think it is just at the moment that I am feeling down as if I'm in a hole without having a way out. I love reading, escaping to fictional worlds, dancing alone in my room, listening to classical music, knowing the history of the arts, romantism and watching theatre if it is a good play. I am a Gryffindor and an ambivert.

I wish one day to have adventures (where nobody dies/has a negative life-changing thing) like in the movies.

Could you write a frenemies + when it is know the of us are dating , nobody can believe it with Mattheo Riddle? Or anything really with Remus Lupin, with any trope you consider, I trust you :)

Thank you so much and thank you for your advice

I'm gonna sign this so you could identify me if you want updates or when I will thank you :)

-🐤🪐 chicken saturn ( because I like chickens, baby chickens and I like the stars and various kinds of planets)

Hey love! 💕

Firstly, thank you for reaching out and sharing your feelings with me. It takes courage to express vulnerability, especially when it feels like you're comparing yourself to others. You're not alone in feeling this way, I've been feeling much the same lately and am working through it at my own pace too.

It's important to remember that life isn't a race, and everyone's journey unfolds at its own pace. Your path might not look like your friends', and that's perfectly okay. What matters most is that you're working on yourself and your dreams, even if it feels like progress is slow.

It's understandable to feel disappointed or frustrated with where you are right now, but try not to dwell too much on the past or where you think you "should" be. Focus instead on the steps you can take to move forward. Whether that is exploring educational opportunities, seeking support for your self-confidence and mental health journey, or pursuing your passions, every small effort counts.

Dealing with past experiences like bullying can leave lasting scars, but remember that they don't define you. You're strong and resilient, and you have the power to rewrite your story. Building self-confidence takes time and patience, so be kind to yourself along the way.

As for university and reinventing yourself, it's never too late to chase your dreams. And you are only 19! That is still so young! Don't beat yourself up over it you're still on the right path and you have so much time to get where you want to be! Take the time to research your options, reach out for guidance if needed, and set realistic goals for yourself. Surround yourself with supportive people who believe in your potential, and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

Above all, remember that your worth isn't determined by your achievements or milestones. You are enough just as you are, and your journey is uniquely yours. Keep believing in yourself, keep striving for growth, and trust that brighter days lie ahead.

Sending you lots of positivity and strength on your journey lovely anon 💕 thank you for entrusting me with this, I hope there is at least something helpful in my little rant here. And I also saw your other ask and yes of course you can be 🪐🐤 Saturn Chick! And it's always okay to reach out to me, no matter if you want to do it as an anon ask or through my dm's.

Now for your match ups....

Golden Trio Era; Romantic Match-Up: Mattheo Riddle

mattheo, with his brooding demeanor and sharp intellect, is the last person you expect to find yourself drawn to. as a Gryffindor, you naturally gravitate towards those who exude warmth and light, whereas mattheo seems to dwell in the shadows, his presence casting an enigmatic aura wherever he goes.

your first encounter with him is marked by a clash of personalities, as your optimistic outlook clashes with his cynical worldview. You find yourself engaged in heated debates with him, each argument leaving you more frustrated than the last. despite your differences, there's an undeniable spark of attraction that simmers beneath the surface, one that neither of you can ignore.

as time passes, you and mattheo find yourselves reluctantly working together on various projects and assignments. despite your initial animosity towards each other, you begin to discover unexpected common ground, whether it's your shared love for literature or your fascination with history and the arts.

slowly but surely, the animosity between you begins to thaw, giving way to a grudging respect and mutual understanding. mattheo's sharp wit and intellectual curiosity challenge you in ways you never thought possible, while your unwavering optimism and genuine kindness bring a sense of warmth and light into his dark world.

when you finally admit your feelings for each other, it comes as a shock to your friends and classmates. after all, you and Mattheo were once sworn enemies, constantly at odds with each other. but as they watch the two of you navigate the complexities of your budding relationship, they begin to see the genuine connection and affection that exists between you, and they can't help but root for your unlikely love story.

Song: Just Like A Movie by Wallows

Marauders Era; Romantic Match-Up: Remus Lupin

remus, with his quiet demeanor and gentle nature, has always been a source of comfort and stability for you. as the therapist friend, you're used to being the one everyone turns to for advice and support, but with remus, it's different. there's a sense of understanding and empathy that flows between you, a connection that goes beyond mere friendship.

your first meeting with remus is marked by a shared love for literature and the arts. you find yourself drawn to his intelligence and sensitivity, admiring the way he seems to see the world through a different lens. despite his reserved nature, there's a warmth and kindness to him that immediately puts you at ease.

over time, you and remus become inseparable, spending countless hours lost in conversation about everything from books to music to the intricacies of the human mind. He becomes your confidant, the one person you can truly be yourself around, without fear of judgment or rejection.

as your feelings for Remus deepen, you find yourself torn between wanting to preserve the sanctity of your friendship and longing for something more. it's only when he confesses his own feelings for you that you realize the depth of your affection for him, and the two of you embark on a journey of love and discovery together.

your relationship with remus is built on a foundation of trust, understanding, and mutual respect. together, you navigate the challenges of life at hogwarts, leaning on each other for support and strength. and as you face the uncertainties of the future, you take solace in the knowledge that as long as you have each other, you can weather any storm.

Song: Geronimo by Sheppard

[buneok]

venting here abt issues i’ve been having bc this is my yapper account y’all can scroll past if u want

lowkey have been feeling shitty about myself for the past few days bc i realized how much i enjoy drawing even if it’s hard and i can’t grasp a lot of the concepts rn but it just makes me sad bc idk why i gave up so long ago 😭

i shouldn’t spend so much time dwelling on how good i could be at art rn if i had kept drawing after middle school but it’s been eating at me UGH eyem just proud of how much progress i’ve made since last year … i literally had never drawn a body or even a hand until Last Year … before i started posting my art on here i only ever drew shitty anime portraits of my fav characters 😭😭😭 so i’ve made a lot of progress imo … i’ve literally never even had a serious oc until wren and i love her very much

undiagnosed and untreated mental illness has definitely contributed to a lot of my problems and could be a reason why i stopped drawing. adhd is such a pain and i don’t know how other ppl function with it but it’s a relief to see that i’m very much Not Alone in my struggles with adhd. still struggling a lot tho

i think i’m rly only thinking abt this stuff bc im going to be 21 Years Old next month june 4th mark ur calendars !!! v hard to believe Um but i rly hope i improve a lot this year i feel like i haven’t rly improved much im ngl 😭 but at the same time i feel much more comfortable doing lineart, drawing hair nd clothes, my hands are getting better, and i like coloring a lot now :P i may not be particularly Good at any of those things but yk feeling comfortable is a sign of progress i think

[bloodyknucklesforme]

Sauvignon Blanc | Guest Check

Tags: Nina first person POV train of consciousness, suicidal thoughts, self harm, substance abuse, it's a heavy one, sorry

The year I was born was the year that the government made it so that paracetamol had to be sold in blister packs rather than bottles. It was meant to prevent suicides as opening up individual packs was harder and gave a person more time to think. I want nothing more than to kill myself every time I have to dig my nail in to pop the foil but whatever. It worked, at least from what I've been told, never bothered to actually look it up.

Paracetamol poisoning is lousy fucking way to go anyways. Very English to choose a slow and miserable death. On par with the other preferred, yet slow, method of alcoholism. Nothing beats a destroyed liver and kidneys, I suppose.

I decided years ago how I'd kill myself. I won't mention it here in case someone gets nosy and gets me sectioned. It's not something I dwell on, but it feels like a back up plan, I guess. Like how some women have a secret cash fund in case their boyfriend beats them, I have my suicide plan.

I don't want to kill myself. More out of not wanting to hurt Kyle than anything else. It also seems like too much work most days. Why kill myself when I can drink a bottle of wine and curl up in bed?

There are rough days.

Like a spring is being compressed inside me and one day it'll release in some violent display against myself. I have to gently release the pressure. Always quietly. Always invisibly. Fear of my father trumped all other emotions growing up.

Plucking body hair (avoid the face!) and skin picking and scratching (avoid face and hands!) being two particular favorites of mine. One pair of tweezers can reliably do both. Sit in the tub to clean away any hair, skin or blood. Come out and present myself like the glossy, red eyed girl I am.

It's my biggest secret, strangely proud of that. Kyle doesn't know, despite once walking in on me aggressively plucking arm pit hair out (Do you not own a razor, you weirdo?). Growing up in the early era of "mental health awareness" that hammered in this behavior was not done for attention. That only made me feel worse as a teen, who fantasied whole heartedly about her father walking in on her, razor in hand, who would then fall to his knees and sob out apologies for not paying enough attention to her to notice. I never good at getting his attention in the first place so feeling like it was faux pas only increased my covert skills.

None of that helps with the post pain shame. The patheticness of it all. If I was a man I could simply punch a whole in the wall and break my fist. I don't want any more pity. My family is already dead.

Everyone looks at me different now. i try to act like it doesn't bother me and most of the time it doesn't. I'm not really friends with the rest of the staff at work.

It's Kyle though. Twenty odd years of friendship and he looks at me differently. I don't know if its pity or something else but I hate it. It's like he gets sad looking at me. I don't want to be that. Sex was never rough rough but now its like he doesn't want to break me, like he's afraid to touch me.

We broke up. I couldn't fucking do it. It was like chewing glass.

The only person who doesn't look at me differently, abiet he rarely looks at me at all, is Simon. Maybe it's why I let him take me home and basically give him free reign.

I don't have to think about it. I don't have to worry about him telling me he loves me. I don't have to worry about disappointing him. It might be because he doesn't actually like me so nothing I do will make him think less of me. I can just lay there. He does the work to make me cum and that's it. Wears a condom without complaint too.

It's easy.

He doesn't stay the night, which is fine, I can just enjoy myself with a bottle of wine in bed.

Tag List: @queen-ilmaree@macravishedbymactavish@gogh-with-the-flow@water-bearz @pvssytrux

[velarisvalkyrie]

HOFAS Spoilers: What I Liked vs What I Didn't

Disclaimer: I just need someone to process this with. Usually, I enjoy my entertainment quietly and don't feel the need to make public posts but I need someone to process this book with lol. Anything you disagree with me about is 100% okay!!! I'm not one to argue or put down opinions in fandoms. I'm just curious if anyone else is sharing similiar feelings as me.

What I Did Enjoy:

Bryce flicking peas down to the beasts below her holding cell. It was so on brand of her and funny to me.

Bryce having to explain what a cell phone was.

Nesta and Azriel's friendship. I know this is a CC book and I won't dwell too much on the ACOTAR crossover. However, Nesta and Azriel's friendship has always been one of my favorites and there were sooo many cute moments between them. That hug after she uses the mask??? That hug and him stroking her hair broke something in me then hit the repair button.

Bryce really snatched Az's favorite kitchen knife and jumped in a crystal coffin back home. Iconic.

Hunt, Baxian and Ruhn holding onto their brotherhood in the dungeons through humor. Trying to keep one another from breaking. Acknowledging one another in the darkest of times they endured together. They really tried so hard to keep each other from losing all hope.

Hunt thinking of Bryce to keep moving onward. Thinking of how she brought him so much joy. Calling her his mate and his wife and his princess (I love terms of endearment so personally stuff like this sends me melting).

Hunt calling Bryce his best friend :c

Lidia saving the boys like the badass that she is and doing it with a well thought out plan coordinated with Dec and Flynn and all those lovely sprites.

Confirmation that Lidia is related to Aelin. I sobbed. I already expected it but when I got to that chapter of the book I started sobbing uncontrolllably. Aelin would be so proud of Lidia for working to bring the Asteri down by any means necessary and protecting who she loves and cares for so deeply.

Sprites. No explanation needed.

I really liked Flynn this book!!! I saw a side of him that I did not get to see much of in HOEAB or HOSAB. Flynn was really considerate, protective, and remained mindful of circumstances and adapted to them.

Dec deserves several awards for his hacking skills.

Hunt's Daddies lol what a fascinating concept of Hunt also essentially being "Made" and coming from Hel

JESIBA 😭 Jesiba and her love for Bryce and her respect and just - I cried so much because Jesiba always knew what Bryce needed. She was tough love and really kept Bryce moving forward after Danika died. So for Jesiba to step up and finally be at peace while also saving Bryce was so emotional to me.

Ruhn and Lidia finally having that beer together.

Baxian in a panic cuz flying horses lol

Bryce getting to see her real life JJ - I would also be thrilled to see flying horses.

What I Did Not Enjoy:

Tharion's entire storyline irritated me. I'm sorry to Tharion fans but I just could not find it in myself to connect to his storyline in this book. His inability to make a decision and face the consequences had me grinding my teeth especially if his actions put other people in danger.

Bryce vs Nesta and Azriel. While I love all three of these characters, I did not love all of them together when it became very apparent nothing good was coming from their meeting. Both sides were valid in not fully trusting one another but it really felt as though Bryce was written as the excuse to expose Az and Nesta to new information. Like it all felt very strange.

Ithan and Sigrid. Why introduce Sigrid at all only for her to be killed so quickly??? She was built up to be this key role that would change everything for the wolf shifters but ends up dead by the end of Part 1. Also Ithan didn't truly have a well rounded character arc to me. It was very much: Ithan makes poorly thought out choice. Ithan doesn't like the outcome. Ithan feels heavy guilt. Ithan tries to fix it. Ithan makes a larger mess. Ithan makes poorly thought out choice - like it was the same loop until somehow he is the new Prime ????? How is he going to make wise choices and assert leadership over an entire pack when he can't even do so for himself.

Bryce dismissing Hunt's trauma. I understand a lot was going on and she needed him focused but like Hunt, Baxian and Ruhn were put through a lot of pain. The physical torture was brutal. The mental exhaustion of trying not to let your mind shatter from such torment had to be hard. Trying to keep your emotions from getting the best of you. And yet Bryce wanted him to just move on and do what she needed asap. She could have at least told him that she knows he is hurting and she wants to provide her support and proper attention when they are in the right circumstances that she can offer it. When they aren't being chased down or fighting enemies or surrounded by their friends.

Everyone moving on way too quickly from Hunt, Baxian and Ruhn being in those dungeons. They siffered a lot and everyone moved on so fast as if they weren't carrying some heavy shit on their shoulders and in their thoughts.

Characters thinking about sex so often amongst all the stress, battle, and life altering decision making. Like ? We are in a very important part of this journey. A huge battle is on the rise and lives are at risks and somehow all of you are thinking this much about being with your partners? That is so unrealistic. There is a time and place for that type of intimacy and connection with your special person and SJM wrote those moments in the strangest circumstances and places that it became annoying.

Bryce and her attitude toward the Fae. I was very disappointed im the way Bryce generalized all of the Fae and was considering not doing anything for them after defeating the Asteri. It took away from some of her potential character growth and as much as she hates the Fae she is half Fae herself and there are others like her who need someone in their corner. Her whole conversation with Flynn's sister where she goes on and on about how awful Fae are and they don't deserve to be united really turned me off. I know Bryce had terrible experiences but to generalize everyone because of those experiences and consider doing nothing when she could start the chain reaction toward positive change for the Fae who want to do better and be better was a turn off. I found myself not liking her a lot through the story which is sad cuz I liked Bryce in the previous 2 books so much but in HOFAS she kept disappointing me with some of her thoughts and emotions. It was like she was stunting her own character growth.

Lidia having kids. Why? Why does everyone need children? I don't say that hatefully either! Personally, I love children and I also support anyone's choice to have kids or not to have kids. However, there was no real reason to throw in twins to Lidia's storyline. I don't see how that progresses the plot and it almost felt like writing that she is a mother is a security blanket to make others feel more comfortable with the choices she made when she was The Hind. I'll be so honest, if Lidia just flat out admitted she always intended to be a double agent or she just realized how bad the system was I would have accepted that. Having this plot twist of having twins had me tilting my head.

Did anyone else feel like Lidia became more withdrawn and started leaning into stereotypical traits? Am I the only one who felt like her character in HOFAS was vastly different than how we saw her as Daybright in HOSAB?

Autumn King. I didn't need him to have redemption but it is strange to have scattered a few hints in HOEAB and in HOSAB and even in HOFAS that perhaps the Autumn King cared about his kids at some level and that he had some regrets with Bryce and Ember only for him to be the absolute worst. Personally, just keep him a consistent villian. I already didn't like him for how he abused Ruhn and Bryce, but there were small moments where SJM had me thinking: ... maybe this is an act? Maybe he cares and thinks he is preparing them for the way they may be treated by enemies in the only way he knows how? No! Nope! He was just as awful as I initially thought.

Tharion's marriage. Sooooooo out of nowhere. I couldn't even root for them because the whole time I was thinking about how Tharion had the River Queen, Ocean Queen and Viper Queen all wanting his ass handed to them on a silver tray, fins and all. Like ??? And you just married this girl without considering your enemies might hear the news and snatch her up as a way to play on your guilt, hero complex, and impulse. Like I'll root for this couple when Tharion is less foolish.

[girlfromthecrypt]

My first Writeblr tag game!!

Thanks so much for the tag @mthollowell-writes! This is one of my first ever tag-games, so I'm pumped. Also, this made me realize I rly need to do a WIP intro for my main project. It's a dark fantasy/horror with some romance, too. The working title is Fucked Up Fairytale. That aside, let's goooooo

1) What motivates you to write?

Anything and everything! Writing is my coping mechanism, for good times and bad. It helps me keep hold of happy feelings and release negative ones. 

2) A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

I have multiple WIPs, but I'm going to refer to the one I plan on actually turning into a book. The working title is Fucked Up Fairytale. That may undergo revisions. Anyhow, I'll share two lines/snippets, if I may! Mainly because the first one is very short indeed. Here it is:

I braced myself for stupidity, and he didn’t let me down. —This is in the main character's (Margot's) narrative inner voice during a conversation with her little brother. 

And here's the other one, same chapter, same conversation! I feel like I may have gone a little overboard with Margot's world-weariness, but I kinda like it:

“The world I dream of has me making six figures at a job where my boss doesn’t need me to show him my tits,” I said, a chill creeping into my tone. “It has me going home at a reasonable hour so I can watch TV and fall asleep with a bag of spicy chips, preferably next to a spouse who doesn’t mind that they make me gassy.”

Neither of us spoke for a couple beats. Then, softly, my brother asked, "And where's the magic in that?"

"Nowhere, Callie. That's kind of the point."

3) Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

That would apply to Margot's love interest from Fucked Up Fairytale. He's, um… special. To me, and in general. Seeing as he's one of the Folk, it would be unwise to share his name, especially since not even Margot knows it as of right now. He calls himself the Huntsman, so that'll work for now.

He's this rather delicate-looking youngish man; slender, short and long-haired—he's quite pretty, really. And he's the smuggest, most self-satisfied dork you've ever met, but in a sweet, non-threatening way. I just love his and Margot's more wholesome exchanges. They clash a lot; she's a recent university graduate, has been a skeptic all her life and didn't mean to get roped up into any supernatural stuff, and he's this forest-dwelling fairy-like entity. But they end up being really good for each other, despite (or perhaps because of) their differences. Even though their dynamic starts off based purely on physical attraction, it grows into something more and their interactions really feel cathartic at times.

4) What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

I love what happens shortly after getting the idea for something. It's like a little twitch in the brain that grows and grows and it's just… awesome. And I'm not actually doing anything at that stage, so it's also the easiest step. Also, I just love writing dialogue.

5) What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

I think that's also writing dialogue! Not much else to say there. Oh, and nature descriptions sometimes. I've been told my nature descriptions are beautiful.

6) What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

How passionate everyone is! We all do the same thing, we write, and we all love doing it. And there's such an undertone of positivity to it all, of openness. That's really nice.

7) A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

Oof. This one's too hard for me. I'm honestly struggling with a lot of writing software so… I don't have a good answer to that. 

8) A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

The majority of Fucked Up Fairytale takes place in a single location. It's a magical forest that is its own entity, almost deity-adjacent. Certain characters worship it to gain its protection and power, but it can also be dangerous, trapping humans and turning them into so something they're… not. 

I just really like that forest! I enjoy describing it, I enjoy creating new creatures it may be harboring, I enjoy lending this seemingly inanimate idyllic environment a personality that kind of shines through in a lot of scenes. I almost wish it were real. Almost.

9) What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

I'm with you.

That's all I, or anyone, can really offer, I believe. I've dealt with month-long dry spells, really horrible ones. I know it's shitty, I know it sucks. My advice, if I had any, would be to force yourself to write anyways. It's the only way to get back into it, and you should never ever give up writing. Writing is worth it.

10) Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters

Well, obviously I'm gonna have to mention @prismatic-bell who once wrote a wonderful thirty-part fanfic to one of my stories and is, in fact, amazing. Xe has contributed greatly to a lot of my stories and I will be forever grateful for that. Also @rehnwriter who helped me set up my blog because I'm bad at internet stuff and need constant surveillance.

I'm tagging… uh… anyone who sees this and wants to participate! I'm really eager to get to know more folks from this community.

[aptericia]

I do believe that it took me a lot of dwelling and thinking to realize I was aro but I don't think I could have done it without your aro posts and aro support, it took me years of denial and then finding myself with my asexuality, but with my aromanticism the 'whoa new label scary..... this is terrifying' to 'I'm so fucking happy with myself all the time I'm finally at peace' transition came a lot more quickly than it did for my asexuality mostly because of you. If memory serves I think I was either hesitantly identifying as aro or already had but still felt a bit out of place when I started recognizing you in the mutual circle, but seeing you speak unendingly about aromanticism and its place in the queer community really helped solidify it for me that I should be proud and happy for myself. I never felt like being aro was something to be ashamed of, but it did feel like that part of me never got attention from the queer community, only my bi and trans sides of my whole queer identity. Like part of me was sort of hidden away because it was overshadowed by "bigger fish to fry", blegh!

Thank you for never shutting up about aros and aromanticism, you've made me feel so incredibly loved (platonic) and thought about. You and the rest of the aro mutuals are a treasure, I truly do believe that heart 💚💚💚

oh my gosh, I'm so glad!!! 😭💕 It's funny that this ended up happening because I'm not at all active in the queer community irl and I hadn't planned to be much of an aro blog when I joined tumblr (the fact that I became one is at least 95% @wherefore-whinnies's fault btw 😁). I've definitely learned a lot about myself and being aro from the website, so I'm glad I can give back!!

I'm always scared of making my own aro posts, probably because I have a lot of embarrassing memories of commenting on social issues and getting put down for it. It was very distressing draw, write, and publish that aro post, and it really means so much to me that people enjoyed it.

Thanks for sharing, I love you so much bestie and I'm so happy that you're proud of your aro identity!!! 💚🤍🩶🖤

[breadedsinner]

Judith Banters: Sebastian

Judith: We’ve met before, haven’t we?

Sebastian: We’ve crossed paths in the Keep, have we not? Though we were both quite preoccupied.

Judith: No, I mean before that. Three years ago?

Sebastian: Ah, I didn’t think you’d remember. You were still in the Red Iron, and you were arguing with your family. You came to the Chantry and we spoke briefly.

Judith: That’s right, I would come during the night, and I was distraught, but I remembered your voice. Why didn’t you say anything before?

Sebastian: What was I to say? ‘Oh, it’s you, the woman with the sad yet enchanting eyes, now comes to assist me in my darkest hour’?

Judith: I am happy we could assist one another. I have enchanting eyes, do I?

Sebastian: I cannot be the first person to tell you that. You’re a stunning woman.

Judith: (laughs) The first real compliment I get in ages, and it’s from a holy man.

*

Judith: Do you know if they took any refugees in Starkhaven?

Sebastian: They did not. Lord Harriman petitioned for it, and it made him quite unpopular. Even his wife sided against him on the matter.

Judith: I suppose I can take some small comfort, knowing it was wise to stay here than risk traveling farther.

Sebastian: I think it was for the best. Kirkwall needs you.

Judith: That’s kind. Truly, I was one of the lucky ones. If you had somehow been in charge, would you have sent refugees away? Even if the court urged you to?

Sebastian: Never. Starkhaven is the largest city-state in the Free Marches, there’s room and resources to spare. And we would accomplish nothing by pushing these people to our less well-equipped neighbors. Of course, were I Prince at the time, I would surely be dead now.

Judith: I suppose it’s of no use dwelling on what-ifs, but I am glad to hear you say it. I am glad you’re not dead, though.

Sebastian: (chuckles) I also prefer being alive.

*

Sebastian: Your mother comes by the Chantry often.

Judith: Oh, I’m not sure I like where this is going.

Sebastian: I have not spoken much to her directly, but I hear her speak with the Sisters. She praises you often. She is very proud of you.

Judith: I know, but I am happy to hear it.

Sebastian: Do you not get along with your mother? When we first spoke, you were frustrated with her.

Judith: We are just two very different people. She was raised noble, and came to backwater Ferelden, and I am the reverse. What of your mother?

Sebastian: The title of Prince is passed through blood, but my mother was a leader in her own right. She was poised, brilliant, a patron of the arts.

Judith: But how did she treat you?

Sebastian: Ah, well. She loved me as much as she was able, let’s leave it at that.

*

Sebastian: You fight with such boldness, such certainty.

Judith: Don’t worry, I know how much you don’t like swords. I’ll protect you.

Sebastian: (chuckles) I already feel safer. Truly, I do admire your ability assess and act so quickly.

Judith: It’s something I’ve had to hone over time, and a necessity. Kirkwall certainly won’t stop for me, and I’ve paid for every hesitance.

Sebastian: Yes, I understand you were at Ostagar. That must have been horrible.

Judith: I would rather not discuss it, but it’s true enough. No one who survived came out the same. Myself included.

*

Judith: Have you heard my mother talk of finding me a suitor, when she comes into the Chantry?

Sebastian: It’s, ah… come up, I’m afraid.

Judith: (sighs) Of course. Even as the youngest, I assume your family put great pressure on you?

Sebastian: They did, when I was younger and they still had some hope for me. There was some fear any children I might sire would come in conflict with that of my brothers, however. As I got older, their hopes that I could be married off and calm down dwindled.

Judith: Truth told; I don’t hate the idea of being married. But Mother keeps lining up these bachelors I have nothing in common with. I know that’s how it works with nobles and royals, but she herself was supposed to marry into the de Launcet family, and fled the country with my father. How can she expect me to do what she would not?

Sebastian: She wants a better life for you, free of those hardships.

Judith: Maybe she could spare a thought to what I want.

Sebastian: And… what do you want?

Judith: My equal. Someone to work beside me, and share in my hopes for the future. Someone kind, passionate. A sharp dresser wouldn’t hurt.

Sebastian: (laughs) Then I hope you find such a partner one day.

*

Sebastian: You would like the Grand Tourney, I think. It has all sorts of competitions, and knights gather from all over to test their mettle.

Judith: I would like that very much! Ferelden has the Grand Melee, but I was never able to go.

Sebastian: My grandfather would take me when Starkhaven hosted it, but I always wanted to go, wherever it was. I ran off across cities on more than one occasion. I recall once, it was… Markham, I think. This chevalier arrived, chose this youth as his partner, a strapping dark-haired fellow, and they took on every challenger with ease. It was quite a sight, I imagine that young man became a chevalier, too.

Judith: I would happily do the same, were there not so much going on. When will Kirkwall host it?

Sebastian: Not for another year, but I hope things ae easier, then.

Judith: Maybe we could go together?

Sebastian: I would like that very much. Watching you fight is a greater sight than any chevalier.

*

Judith: I found Andraste’s Grace by Sundermount … I did not even realize it grew in the Free Marches. When we lived in Lothering, there was this lay sister, in the Chantry … both Bethany and Carver had the cutest crush on her. Whenever they spotted this flower, they would race each other. They would shove, trip, pull hair. Then the victor would come into the Chantry, muddy shoes, holding the flower by the root, to present to her.

Sebastian: (laughs) They sound like absolute terrors.

Judith: They were.

Sebastian: Thank you for sharing this happy memory with me.

Judith: The lay sister was a bit like you. Kind, a soothing voice, she would even practice archery in the garden sometimes. Here, I want you to have it. Seems fitting.

Sebastian: Why don’t we plant it together, in the Chantry garden?

Judith: Yes, I would like that very much.

*

Sebastian: I see you kept the ribbon.

Judith: Of course, you gave it to me, after all.

Sebastian: I… did not think you would put much stock in so simple a thing.

Judith: It was a kind gesture, to grant me a favor as I competed in the Grand Tourney. I don’t believe in luck, but it’s a nice reminder. Of what I’m fighting for, and who I’m fighting to protect.

Sebastian: I… am glad I could provide some … clarity on the matter.

*

Judith: So, Sebastian, what are you … doing later?

Sebastian: Leading the Chant at the evening service.

Judith: Ah… of course.

Sebastian: After which I’m going to have a long conversation with the Grand Cleric about relieving me of my station. Then I shall head to the house of the love of my life and cook her a feast.

Judith: Oh! Well, whoever that is, is surely fortunate to have someone so thoughtful.

Sebastian: Oh, I think you know of her. She’s only the bravest and smartest woman I’ve ever met. Tall and graceful as a statue, luminous dark hair, eyes that glimmer like the night sky.

Judith: She is truly fortunate, indeed.

*

Judith: (yawns) Ah… what a long day.

Sebastian: Yes, I imagine it must be tiring, being so gorgeous.

Judith: If being pretty is tiring work, you must be downright exhausted all the time!

Sebastian: (laughs)

Judith: I’ve never been one for jests, but I am glad to hear you laugh. It’s so lovely.

Sebastian: You know, you could get other sounds out of me, if it pleases you so.

Judith: I—ah… yes, well. We shall, I’ll … I mean…

Sebastian: You are so cute all flustered.

Judith: Cute, am I? Oh, you’re going to pay for that.

Sebastian: I cannot wait for such a punishment.

[ashwithapen]

yooo writer questions tag!!

thank you @yesireadbooks

no pressure tagging @leisoree @palebdot @tea-and-mercury @the-stray-storyteller

clean questions list at the bottom below the cut!!

1) What motivates you to write?

hmm good question... motivation has always been a really tricky thing for me in every aspect of my life (which more recently i learned could be in part because of dual adhd+autism), but at the end of the day, it usually comes down to want, one way or another. i want to write to define these ideas and characters and places i can't stop thinking about. i want to write because the song playing demands i do so. i want to write to prove that i can do it, even when i doubt myself, even when i convince myself that everybody thinks i'm worth shit. i want to write because i've never been much of a speaker, and with a pen, i can tell you what my lips never will. so a combination of all of that, i think.

2) A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

ooh ok. honestly, i have quite a few lines that i'm quite proud of, that i go back to however long later and have to pause at because Damn, I Wrote That?? but a recent one was actually in an email—of all things—that i sent to our therapist in which i ended up writing ~4k words just to explain something we've been keeping very private for a very long time. i had been doing that thing where you try your best to explain yourself away before you even get to the whole point, and when i realised that i was just going in circles and sounding pathetic, i cut myself short with this absolutely banging one-liner:

all this prelude as if it will soften my casket.

like daaamn i sound Philosophical and Poetic and shit :0

3) Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

there is this one dork (affectionate) that i made a few years back for a thing that never went anywhere, but i keep him around in case an opportunity comes up. his name is Scott Thomas and he was originally a sorcerer in training. he's a teen (he was going to be a part of a series that spanned about 6 years), has a secret alcohol problem, enjoys not sleeping, and is a professional couch surfer. he has a little sister who the reader wouldn't have even known about until his dying words where he asks the protagonist to go save her from his childhood home which, upon visiting, reveals that his other-worldly hilarity was a classic result of trauma and abuse. he's just a silly, classic-vans-wearing, hoodie-dwelling, guy. the type to try and fix a bullet wound with a bandaid. love that kid lmao

4) What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

it's a small thing, but the moment when you have The Idea that is The Best Idea You've Ever Fucking Had. getting to sketch out the idea, seeing it fit into the plot, figuring out how everyone reacts to it and in what ways it changes the story. the excitement of it all, that "i can't wait" when you think about how your readers are going to react to what's happening. ugh i love it <33

5) What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

again, the little things. the add-ons tied to the backs of sentences with em dashes, the palpability of every emotion as dictated by whichever little inflexion that character lives with, the pauses in the conversation where the birds chirp outside. just whatever i can do to try and make it feel like a real sensory experience and not just words on a page, whether it be the temperature of the air or the traffic in the streets.

6) What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

i like how people here are excited about what they do. i like seeing people be endorsed with their own worlds and so willing to share about them.

7) A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

OMG OK so i'm shit at reading lmao, so everything i write is written just freestyle, fuck it all, forget the spelling, just get it on the page. then it goes through Grammarly, just for spelling (i don't like when it tries to rewrite my sentences or tell me that my grammar is poor. i'm good with grammar and neglecting to use an "and" there was a stylistic choice, get off my back.) (i've been using the free Chrome extension for everything i've ever put effort into writing), and then i reread it with the help of text-to-speech for any words that Grammarly might have missed because they are technically spelt correctly, but they just weren't the word i was trying to write anyways, and for anything that sounds a bit funny out loud sentence-structure wise. for someone without a beta reader, Grammarly and Read Aloud (the Chrome TTS extension i use) literally save my illiterate ass time and time again lmao. even my emails, even my essays, sometimes even longer posts on here (like this one lol)

8) A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

tbh most of my stories have relatively modern settings (which makes sense because i typically write psychodramas rather than fantasy or sci-fi, so most of my "worldbuilding" consists of me googling shit like "how long is the train journey from Brighton to Newcastle" lmaoo), but i did have an unfinished world i made not even for writing purposes, just for daydreaming, called Aldenhors which i still have an unfinished digital map of (made with Inkarnate). maybe i finish it before school starts back... anywho, Aldenhors had a unique calendar: 16 months a year, 20 days a month, 5 days a week, 20 hours a day (roughly 8 light, twelve dark). the months were named Annua, Verlo, Manna, Klaus, Jaes, Deboh, Firen, Liero, Caden, Temma, Fento, Quazo, Sprill, Wideo, Oraah, and Ulyss. which month you are born in determines what you will be innately skilled at and in which way you use/channel your power depends on your race. the majority of the inhabitants of Aldenhors live to the west of the Wyvviet Mountains and nobody crosses over to the east because it is said that horrors await there.

9) What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

pretend you are creating a rant post about some media that isn't yours that the most recent episode/chapter/whatever of was released and you are a theorist. start with something like "okay so recently in [WIP name], X and Y did so and so and now X doesn't know how to feel about Y, right? well, i think that..." and just pretend to be taking part of a mass discussion happening online. keep going until you hit something golden, then write that golden patch into the real story. get yourself excited for what happens next. be your own fan. if you don't like what you're writing, then how can you expect anybody else to? some more advice is to pick up an idle hobby like crocheting, make a playlist with the vibes of your WIP, sit down, and just go at it, thinking the whole while about your OCs and your setting and all that jazz.

10) Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters:

in terms of people whose work i love, there are two people in particular who come to mind. @inkskinned, i love the way you articulate absolutely everything that i've read of yours. one day I'll crack the code and reach your level. @thechildoflightning, although you've moved on from tumblr, your encompass series on ao3 is one of my favourite literary works ever and it will never cease to inspire me. thank both of you. when it comes to my own supporters, i'd want to tag every single person who has liked even one of my posts about any of my WIPs. as that's not possible, i'll have to name some people in particular, however, neither of these two people has a tumblr to my knowledge. anyhow, thank you to the two guest users "!lurk" and "The-Kings_prince" on ao3. without your two names littering my inbox sporadically, i know for a fact i would not have written quite as much as i have by this point.

and that concludes this essay! :D

clean question list below :)

1) What motivates you to write?

2) A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

3) Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

4) What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

5) What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

6) What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

7) A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

8) A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

9) What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

10) Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters:

[awakefor48hours]

It's been a year since For the Future came out and I can't believe it. This one episode has done so much for me this past year and has done the one thing that nothing else has throughout my entire life which is make me like myself. I always knew that I was angry at myself but I never knew how much or really what the source of it even was. I ignored my feelings and just hoped they went away but they didn't.

Then For the Future came out. Seeing Luz have her moment in which she realized what her greatest desire was so fun. It was a very colorful and impactful scene. But the rest of the episode was still going on so I didn't dwell on it too long.

Then once it ended, I thought about it more and what it meant to Luz. She's been a pariah everywhere in her life and has been constantly mocked for her interests. She's always been, in Eda's words, "such a mark" but she's always wanted to fit in. Then in For the Future, her mom speaks to her on her own level. She makes references to her favorite book and the blorbos from her shows. There's so much understanding and love between Camila and Luz.

Thinking about that scene again, suddenly I had a realization that I couldn't believe took me so long to figure out. Because the only thing I ever wanted was to be understood.

Being understood in a way that it doesn't matter how strange or different I am because at the end of the day, the person I've always been looking to be is me. I didn't need to keep being angry at myself. This past year, I've been happier with my accomplishments and where I'm going because I'm finally proud to just be me.

[crimson-calligraphyx]

6: Burning Out

A/N: This chapter hints at alcoholism and depression. This is not factual about Noah.

Noah

It had been a few days since karaoke with the group, and I couldn't keep my mind off the way Liv smiled and laughed all night. Her smile had been so wide, dimples poking through at the top of her cheeks, making her eyes smaller and crease at the outer edges. It was such a relief seeing her happy—or happier I guess you could say—as opposed to the distressed state I've seen her in. I found myself really enjoying this side of Olivia and was looking forward to having her come hang out with me and the boys at some point again.

This morning I had decided to keep up with my fitness and go for a run before it got too hot out. I know that it wasn't much, but I packed on about 10 pounds in the last few months and I was proud of the way my body started to fill out. I had always been slim growing up, but when I hit rock bottom, I had become sickly skinny and was very insecure. It wasn't until Nicholas practically slapped me across the face and told me to get my shit together that I decided to take charge of my life again.

I started writing down the thoughts in my head instead of dwelling on them, dabbled in the guitar a bit and started to make music. When this lifted my spirits, I gained my hunger back and reclaimed my confidence, as little as it was. As that progressed, I started weight lifting here and there and kept up with cardio, and was super proud of myself when I started to see results.

I had been running for over half an hour, aimlessly trekking around the neighborhood. It was an ordinary suburban area, quiet this morning as most people were at their 9 to 5 jobs and kids in school. The sun was beginning to beat down a little warmer as the morning crept towards noon. I slowed my pace and took shelter under a tree for a moment, catching my breath and wiping my forehead and upper lip with the bottom of my shirt. Hearing the sound of an idling truck nearby, I glanced over in curiosity.

On the other side of the street sat a town pickup, a woman with a cap on, her dark hair pulled through the back of it. She had been hunched over, aggressively typing away on her phone. Never seeing Liv on the job before, I was feeling a bit nosey and decided to make my way over to her. "Hey you," I announce when I'm a few feet away from her open window. She looks up confused for a moment before a smile spreads across her face. "Oh, hi Noah. What are you doing here?" "Just out for a run, saw you parked over here and thought I'd say 'hi'." "Ah," she says with a slow nod, taking in my appearance. "Guess you're getting a good workout in, huh?" I look down at my shirt, soaked at the neckline and streaked at the bottom with my sweat. I let out a bashful chuckle, "Yeah, guess you could say that."

Her phone chimes in her hand, having her turn her attention back to it. She huffs, aggravated, and throws her head against the headrest with a groan. I cringe, hoping it wasn't anything too serious. "Sorry," she sighs and looks my way again. "I gotta go. These morons missed another trash stop and the woman whose house it is, is complaining about it." I gave her a sympathetic smile, "Gotcha. Duty calls." She puts the truck in gear, glancing at me briefly as if she was waiting for me to have something else to say. "Why don't you come by my place after you get out? You look a little..." I trailed off, shrugging. "Stressed?" She chuckles, "Yeah, you could say that." "Right," I say, tapping the top of the door. "Swing by, it'll be me and Nick Ruffilo. We'll order pizza and chill out." She gives me a forced smile. "Sure, thanks. I'll see you later."

I watched her drive away, noticing her face fall as she did so. I pursed my lips, concerned about the severity of her job—I hoped that it wasn't too much stress for her to handle. Sighing, I turned my focus back to my run and headed towards home.

-

Around 8 this evening, Liv finally arrives at my place, just as Nick was becoming impatient about what pizza to order. When I opened the door, she gives me an apologetic smile, accompanied by a small wave. I grin back at her, pulling her into a quick hug to tell her that it was alright she showed up a little late. She had just showered, her hair still damp and smelling of coconut. "Glad you could make it," I say as I break away from her. She sighs with relief, "Thanks for having me over." When I caught her breath, I noticed that it smelled heavily of alcohol. My stomach drops, concerned that she had already been drinking before making her way over. "Of course," I grin, waving my arm in a grand fashion to invite her in.

"Hey, Ruffles," Olivia greets Nick as she plops down next to him. He laughs at the new nickname he acquired from her, giving her a sideways hug on the couch. "Ruffles?" She shrugs with a playful smirk on her lips. "It gets confusing between you and Folio, and Nicholas sounds too formal." Nick ponders her statement, nodding with approval. I chuckle, shaking my head as I made my way towards them, a freshly opened beer in hand for Olivia. She takes it with a 'thank you', and settles into the couch after drinking about half of it in one gulp. Nick and I exchange a wary glance—he must've smelled the alcohol on her, too.

I pick up the menu that sat on the coffee table and open it up, "So what kind of pizza do y'all want?" "Hawaiian," Nick immediately blurts out. Liv gags, "Pineapple on pizza is a goddamn blasphemy." I rub the back of my head, and turn away, avoiding the conflict that was about to erupt. He gets way into the whole pineapple-on-pizza-is-superior thing and I wanted no part of it. They bickered for a minute or two before I butted in, telling them we'll order one that was half Hawaiian, half pepperoni and one just cheese, hoping they'd shut up. Thankfully, they agreed, and we called it in right away.

-

Olivia

"Wait, wait, wait," Noah says in between laughs, holding his hands out to pause the conversation. "So, your last name is Foster? Like Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends?" Influenced by the shots of vodka and countless beers that was flowing through my veins, I couldn't stop myself from giggling at Noah's reaction to the discovery of my last name. "Yes, exactly!" Both of them started laughing. "We loved that show growing up," Ruffles announces, followed by a gasp. He frantically grabs the remote control, turning on Netflix and browsing to find the cartoon.

We watched the show for a long while, continuing to drink and indulge in the pizza in front of us. The pure joy that I felt seeing both of them with huge smiles plastered on their faces was impeccable. It mirrored the way that I wanted to feel everyday, and I smiled to myself sadly, wishing that were the case. Lately, I've been apprehensive about going to work to deal with the bullshit, but I knew I had a job to do, so I swallowed the dread and forced myself in everyday. On top of that, my dad's health was declining rapidly. I knew that I was burning out, but the thing that kept me going was knowing I could come home and reward myself to a bottle to suppress the feelings.

Feeling my eyes starting to get heavy as I watched the TV, I decided that it was time for me to go home before I fell asleep here. I stood and stretched, finishing off my last beer for the night. "It's getting to be that time," I say, catching their attention. "I'm exhausted." Noah sits up a little higher, looking my way. "Are you okay to drive home?" I nod. "You sure you don't want to stay the night?" I wave him off, "I'll be fine, promise." He purses his lips at me, not buying my statement. I couldn't bear to look at the disappointment in his eyes and headed out the door.

Making my way down the walkway, I hear the door open and click shut, turning to see Noah on his way out. He catches up to me and spins me around, planting his hands on my shoulders. His eyes trailed over my face, silently screaming concern. I close my eyes, turning my head away from him so I didn't have to see the crestfallen expression on his face. "Oliva," his velvety voice finally breaks the silence. "You don't have to look at me, but please promise me that you'll make it home alright." I felt a tear slip down my cheek as I nodded. "And please know that you can always talk to me about anything. I'm here to listen." I mustered the courage to look up at him, cracking when I see the worry etched into his face. "I'm okay," I croaked, my throat suddenly burning. He shakes his head at me. "I know you're not, but I'm not here to beat it out of you. When you're ready, I'll be here." He pulls me into a tight embrace when I let out a cry, knowing that he sees right through me. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, and I wasn't sure if I was crying with relief or shame that he could sense it.

When I got home later in the night, I had a text from Noah. Noah: tomorrow. you, me, breakfast. my treat.

-

When Noah and I sat down in our booth at a local diner, I couldn't help the smile forming on my mouth; the slight uptilt of his lips making me feel welcome. He still seemed rather fatigued, his eyelids looking heavier than they normally do. I wasn't sure why he decided to take me out to breakfast if he had been so tired, but I wasn't complaining—I fucking love breakfast.

"Thanks for taking me out to breakfast," I say after taking an unsteady sip of my coffee, "what's the reason?" He shrugs politely, flashing a small smile. "Just felt like getting out, thought maybe you'd like to join, is all." "Well, thank you," I say, noting that his eyes were staring directly at my shaking hands. "You still seem like you wanted a few more hours of sleep," I mused, moving my hands to my lap. He trails his eyes back to mine. "Sure, who doesn't want more sleep?" He chuckles, "But what's the use of sleeping all day?" I mentally laugh; if I could, I would sleep my entire life away at this point.

I go for another sip of my coffee, this time having it dribble over the side of the mug some. Noah and I catch each other's eye—I could feel my heart jump into my throat with anxiety. "Liv," he says softly, concern laced in his voice. I put the coffee down and threw my hands in my lap again, trying to swallow my heart back to where it belonged. It was pounding, anticipating him calling me out. "I'm fine Noah, I'm a little unsteady in the morning until my brain finally wakes up," I force a chuckle. He shakes his head at me, his hair swaying from behind his shoulders, framing his face. "I know I said I wouldn't beat it out of you, but I'm starting to worry about you." Feeling my cheeks warm up with embarrassment, I advert my gaze to my trembling hands in my lap to avoid his stare. "Nick and I both knew you had been drinking before you came over last night. He got mad at me when I let you drive home, knowing you were way too drunk," he sighs harshly, banging his elbow on the table.

I look up, his forehead was in the palm of his hand, most likely in frustration. "I tossed and turned all night, worried if you were gonna make it home safely." I feel my stomach churn with guilt. "I know what the shakes from alcohol withdrawal looks like, Olivia." "W-was it that obvious?" I say under my breath, my eyes welling up with tears. He takes his head away from his hand to look at me. "Maybe not to the average Joe," he says softly, "but I can tell when your smile doesn't reach your eyes." My lips tremble as I try to force a smile, proving his point. I blinked, the tears rolling down my cheeks while I shook my head in shame. "I'm sorry. I'm just so scared, Noah," I whisper. "My dad is getting worse. I can't stop thinking about him dying and what I'm gonna do when he finally passes—it plagues me while I'm at work. That's why I looked so stressed yesterday. Drinking is the only thing that calms my nerves."

He reaches his right hand out across the table, nodding towards it. I place a trembling hand in his as he gives me a firm squeeze, "I've been there. I promise I'll help you through it, if you let me." I felt my heart swell at his words, the anxiety starting to whittle away as I gazed into his shimmering eyes. I take a deep breath and nod, focusing my eyes on my hand in his.

I pull my brows together as I scrutinize the ink on his hand. There was something peculiar about it, something I hadn't noticed the first time I shook his hand. There was a small patch that trailed into his wrist that was different from everything else, causing my breath to get caught in my throat. It was real, afterall.

I was beginning to see color.

|Chapter 7|

[sparatus]

Fanfic Writer Ask Game: D,E and Y!

fanfic writer asks

thanks daisy!!

D: What’s the most personal fanfic you’ve written?

hmmmm i mean honestly a large portion of my no-reapers au exponential differentiation in general is therapy for me - the whole overarching theme of the series is "bad things happen, but there's still light in the darkness" and how the choices we make define who we are, and the primary conflict goes back to shanxi and how desolas chose to move on with his life but harper chose to dwell in his own hatred, and how that one difference has ripple effects on everyone around them. without going too far into personal stuff, it's very reflective of some shit in my own life, and the whole story is very therapeutic for me to write as it lets me examine those feelings and how i feel about the other person whom harper and co represent. other characters also provide outlets for various things, esp jack whose story arc has always been very resonant with me as a "bad" trauma survivor, so overall. yeah exdiff is my brainchild but there's also a lens for a lot of shit in my head if you look

E: What character do you identify with most?  Is there a certain fic of yours that captures these qualities particularly well?

at this point there's a good chunk of myself in quite a few of them, but i think. it's probably still saren. it's been saren for a long time. sparatus too, but saren has been pretty instrumental to a lot of my own growth as a person, especially as i fought to escape toxic social circles and rediscover myself after depression. don't let my intense love for desolas and sparky and abrudas fool you, i love all of them very much but saren. saren is me.

i see a lot of my own "bad" autistic traits in saren, and how i carry myself and hold myself and observe the world around me. obviously exdiff is going to have a lot of that, seeing as he's a deuteragonist, but i think more specifically the weight of memory is the most emblematic. he's the pov character, so we're in his head the whole fic, and it's a very meditative fic for me to write - while yes there's still things happening and connections back to the main plot happening over in itlog and what avitus is up to, but in memory we see saren detached from the main plot as he stays home and recovers from the events of broken mirror, and as he steps back and observes the day-to-day mundane life around him it's a really good character study i like to think. memory is my magnum opus in the whole series i think

for another one that isn't connected to a whole other series, there's also to catch a rabbit, aka "kryterius murder mystery," wherein he shares the pov stick with nihlus, and we both get a view of his own internal monologue as he runs through the case and an external pov from nihnih who has a lot of experience with saren's various quirks and oddities and doesn't make a big deal out of them just readily accepts them as part of who his friend is.

Y: What are your thoughts on your personal satisfaction with something you’ve written vs. the popularity of your stories?  Do you tend to be most satisfied with your most popular stories?

i mean. this is niche character and rarepair appreciation central over here.

my shepard fics/series (exdiff, bad end, jai shepard) are much more popular than most of the things i really really want people to look at - the three fics in the i'll follow you series, pre-canon desolas trauma and budding desabrudas, are honestly some of my best work (the latter two ESPECIALLY), and i'm really proud of the random <1k wordcount musing i put out like by any other name (desabrudas) and absolution (garrus/citadel dlc turian lady), and listen if i listed off all the stuff that i'm really happy with but got ignored by readers we'd be here all day listing off pretty much everything on my ao3. exdiff is my baby, my flagship series, i will always be begging people to read it cause if you want to see a big portion of my worldbuilding and character work outside the arteriuses + sparatuses and tiirtias you're gonna have to go Commit, but there is ZERO correlation between the popularity of a piece and how happy i am with it

[saintchaser]

Dear Remus,

I do hope this letter gets to Hogwarts before you leave, before you, truly, become a man.

I want to preface this by saying I am so proud of you. You've gotten so far, despite the difficulties, and that is admirable. Your mother and I are so proud of you, you can't even imagine.

Now, as this is the last letter I will have sent you before ending your last chapter of Hogwarts, I ask you to be cautious. I ask you to be cautious because, despite the fact that your mother and I will always be on your side, now is the time to grow up and realize the effect you will have on the world. All of us do, all of us did, and all of us will make a change, even if insignificant. You have to think about what you want to do with your life, Remus.

And it seems like you've already made your decision. You want to fight. Albus Dumbledore himself as told me, and his eyes glistened with pride as he spoke those words.

Now, that's not to say I am not proud of you. I am; I would be whether you chose to fight, from the sidelines or headfirst in the danger, or to run. Because running, in this kind of situation, is its own braveness; the decision to leave a world you knew behind and start living a new life, with no help, that is brave, too. Run yourself, too, if you will feel like doing it. There is nothing holding you back from being safe, from being free.

You will know people who will decide to leave; do not pity them, Remus, and do not hate them for what they will do.

I know you won't, though; it is not in you to be hateful, and it never has been.

Be brave, Remus. Be strong. At some point, your mother and I will not be here, on your side, anymore. You will lose people in the battle; you will lose people that were dear to your heart. People who have been yours, and people who, to you, have been just soldiers. Mourn them, but do not let yourself fall into grief to the point where fighting will be impossible. Grief is inevitable, Remus. It is your choice whether you will dwell on it or not.

I have decided to not be directly involved in the war; working for both The Ministry and for Dumbledore is too much of a risk. I will help as much as I can, but I will not be there, for the meetings, for the formal stuff. I will keep you in my heart, though, and I will be there in happiness and mourning alike. Fleamont and Euphemia will be the ones who will guide you in your journey with the war, and so will Moody. He will need some time to warm up to you; he's a pretty vigilant person; he takes his job seriously.

Be strong, Remus. Do not let the insignificant things and obstacles get in your way. Do not be too trusting. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. Do not let your guard down. That is one of the best pieces of advice I can give you. In war, you cannot be vulnerable.

With you moving to London, we will not see each other very much anymore. However, I hope you will not forget your old mother and father. Come visit us from time to time, if you want to; our home will always be opened for you, even though you, the bird of our feather, have spread your wings and flown away from your home. Bring Sirius if you want to, too. I hope he will be good to you. I hope he will love you right.

I love you, cariad. This is not very easy for me to say, as you might already know, but you deserve to know. I love you more than I imagined myself loving anyone else. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else, and I am so proud of you. You're a talented, smart and loving young man, and I am lucky to have you as my son.

Mam and I are waiting for you at home one last time before we part ways. Not forever, though, because we will always be by your side, and we will always keep you in our hearts and prayers.

Your father,

Lyall Lupin

[roo-bastmoon]

Qobuz & ARMY Conduct in Solo Era

We know we need to buy Like Crazy and Face more to help Jimin avoid free fall on the charts this week. Scroll down to learn how to buy on Qobuz if you haven't already.

It's my understanding that sales count for Billboard charts if you use 1 credit card per digital purchase, 1 credit card for up to 4 physical purchases. Whether or not you can use the same email address is up to each site (BTS US store yes, iTunes no).

Speaking only for myself, for digital purchases, I've made 6 iTunes accounts and bought the singles and albums (and alterative versions) there; I've also purchased all digital versions on Amazon Music and WeVerse and bought Like Crazy off a Stationhead listening party. For physical copies, I have purchased both albums each from Amazon, Target, and Weverse. For all 24 hours of every day, I have 6 premium free trial accounts running playlists on Spotify, YouTube, Apple Music, and Amazon Music.

Puppykitties? I am tired. But it's Jimin, so...

I'm here to tell you about one more option, and then I have to call it a day and just keep streaming on my premium accounts, because I'm maxing out of money and energy.

Qobuz is a digital store that counts for BB100 and it was incredibly easy for me to sign up using my Facebook and purchase Face. I didn't sign up for a streaming service or agree to anything else; I literally just logged in via Facebook and bought the album for download.

Here's the link, have at it:

Remember you need to download each track by clicking on WMA button and letting it play for a few seconds on your device.

Here's what that looks like:

I'm certain you're tired by now and ready to call it a day, but if you can afford another $7 purchase, please buy this digital album one more time on Qobuz if you haven't already. It's easy and a trusted site. If you cannot, please reach out to Jimin USA and Jimin Funds and make a new iTunes account and buy with their gift cards.

Jimin has been dragged up and down stan twitter this week (we knew it was gonna happen no matter what) and now the "ARMY" fans who did nothing to help Face are gearing up to help D-Day* instead, so we really need to do our best to purchase this week and then keep streaming like it's our full-time job.

*A note about Yoongi and D-Day--and how we need to conduct ourselves as ARMY.

I'm OT7. I will get behind every single one of their projects. I can't wait to cheer Yoongi on during his Newark concert. I understand that the boys are releasing content on top of each other because enlistment is coming up soon. I trust the Tannies have agreed to their promotion times and plans. So please do not bring any shade to any member to my blog--I'll boot you.

However, it's very clear to me that almost 40% of this fandom ships a pairing that demonizes Jimin and many simply feel neutral at best about him and do not put in much effort to defend him or support him. Just my observation; maybe lots of fans feel this way about their own bias. I'm simply noticing how big accounts have been damned near radio silent for Face and are already organizing streaming and buying parties for D-Day's prerelease this week.

Add to that how hard we've been working to stream for Jimin, and yet Spotify and YouTube (especially YouTube) are deleting millions of streams every day. I share your pain and frustration over this. I think it's normal to talk about it in the DMs. But let's keep a clean timeline.

For fans of Jimin, we should act in a way that would honor Jimin and make him proud. Please do not whine or dwell on any negativity; do not badmouth a member or those who bias another member or the company they all work for. Definitely do not waste any precious time or energy dogfighting antis online. Please support Yoongi and all the boys as much as you can.

Keep it classy, even if you wish Jimin had more individual promotion time or radio play or more music videos and playlisting or whatever you perceive should have been done differently. It is what it is, and we want our boys to feel supported, not judged.

Despite all the bullshittery, Jimin has done remarkably well and gifted us with an amazing album. Letter alone is enough to keep my heart lit up like a firecracker for a good long time. So please, remember to conduct yourself as a true ARMY, and any injustices you perceive, answer it with rage-buying and rage-streaming.

Meet them in the charts, not the streets.

Now, I have myself a nice little sinus infection blooming into a full grown migraine today, so I'm gonna take a wee break and rest up. But I am around, and usually more active on my TWITTER if you want to be friends there. And I'll be streaming nonstop, you can be assured.

Please do your best my puppykitties. Talk more with you soon.

Love, Roo

[noblebs]

🏷️🎁🤲👨‍👩‍👧‍👦💘

thank you Kraken! 🖤 I'm just going to keep answering these for Orion, I'm sure everyone's sick of hearing about him by now but Im not ready to talk in-depth about my two newer characters yet ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

🏷️: What is their full name? Do any of their names have any special meaning? How did you come up with them?

haha his full, complete, real name is just Orion. he tacked on Murphy as a surname to blend in better with humans, but it has no significance tbh

it’s just a name Ive always really really liked the shape & sound of, I briefly thought about renaming myself Orion before I picked Skylar so it was still fresh in my mind when I was making him

🎁: If they needed to give a friend a gift, how would they go about choosing one? Would they buy it, make it, or do something else? Would others consider them good at gift-giving?

ooh Orion would probably be great at gift-giving, but she does it very rarely. I think fae consider giving gifts uncouth at best* so it's not her first inclination, but yeah if she decided to do it she'd look for something she knows would be meaningful/relevant to their interests and personalize it in some way on top of that. you better believe if she's going to do something it's going to be over the top

*fae are all about social contracts and interpersonal debts, so giving a gift without expecting something in return is like walking up to someone and saying, "I do not want to be friends with you." fortunately Orion has assimilated into human society well enough to know that they fucking love it when you do that

🤲: Do they have any deep desires that they don't talk about and/or don't even realize they have? Do these desires conflict with their main goal at all?

ohohoho okay so, Orion has wanted to become human for ~20 years because of the death of her human lover. she has deliberately gotten herself stuck and refuses to let herself grieve + move forward

but she's just about reached a breaking point. you can't dwell in grief and loss forever, eventually something has to give. so deep down, part of her wants to just let it go and move on, but she's terrified of doing so because she doesn't know what else to do with herself

she's also desperate for intimacy and love/acceptance, but she can't bear the thought of another loss, so she either pushes people away or holds them so tightly they get sick of it and leave on their own. these are not feelings I can relate to or have drawn from any experiences btw

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦: What is their family like? Are there any family members that are particularly influential and/or important to them (whether in a positive or negative sense)?

I am so proud of what I've come up with for Orion's family! so he has 3 parents - Aries, Fornax, and Lacerta. yes their family members must always be named after constellations. he probably has a couple grandparents floating around, but he's never met them, and no siblings. his parents were his whole world growing up. I could write essays about each of them, suffice to say they are very loving but Aries and Fornax just can't understand why she's all hung up on non-fae people, Lacerta is more supportive but also has a more hands-off approach to parenting

💘: Do they have a "canon" romantic partner? If so, who is it and what is their relationship like? If not, what kind of person would be the optimal romantic partner for them (the most interesting narratively, not necessarily the healthiest/what they think their preferences are)?

in writing, no, and as much as I want to write a subplot for that, I feel weird about doing so BECAUSE

in game, there's this one motherfucking NPC who was introduced in I think our 3rd session. I adore him but I'm worried I as a player have missed my chance lol. if Orion doesn't get to be obsessively codependent with this depressed demonic senior citizen then what's the point!!