#i felt her becoming a character i am going to stan for the rest of my life during this

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

season 1 episode 13 thoughts

A SCULLY EPISODE!!!! i was overjoyed and then i felt deep and immeasurable grief as the minutes went by.

she wants to leave her christmas tree up all year <3 she's a good cook <3 her dad calls her starbuck <3

but her dad is being avoidant! he didn't even say i love you when he left!

! dana scully lore reveal ! her dad lowkey sucks!!!

and then he IMMEDIATELY DIED right after! that is sick and twisted. why do they make my girl endure such pain.

the next note i made for the episode was "omg windows you have to crank!" which was a brief moment of levity among the Sorrow. except even the guy doing the said window cranking was kidnapped right after. still, the novelty of it all!

when scully came into work even though her dad had just died... we see mulder call her "dana" for the first time... she was visibly taken aback by this... and mumbled her name back to herself... my heart was melting out of my body

and when i thought i was going to already collapse from the "dana" moment, he tells her she should take some time for herself and then. softly cups her cheek. and strokes it with his thumb. holy fuck i nearly sobbed. it was the softest thing i have ever seen. what the hell man.

he has this instinctive need to touch her. to use his touch to keep her safe or bring her comfort. it will be psychoanalyzed at a later date from me but for now, know i am noticing the motifs.

(also, when he finally left his office, we see that he kept the hat from the alien obsessed guy in episode 10... good to know this is a man who takes souvenirs. take him to the zoo and see what he comes back with)

so then we cutscene to her dad's funeral and we learn that her father was in the navy- perhaps this is why he is unduly harsh. and then we got ANOTHER scene that beat my heart into a pulp: scully turning to her mom and asking "was he proud of me?" her mom waits for a beat and says "he was your father". HEY! THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER!!!!!!!!!

(who wouldn't be proud of scully? i'm taking names. write them down)

when interrogating the death row psychic mulder once again said "i want to believe" and i once again wrote in my episode notes "HE SAID THE LINE!"

interesting that this is an episode where scully believes and mulder doesn't, almost immediately from the beginning of the episode. but the psychic says stuff her dad would say and therefore she gets emotionally invested even though mulder says it's nonsense, and that this guy is setting them a trap because mulder got him put on death row. and when she listens to the psychic's clue and find evidence at an abandoned warehouse, mulder yells at her for putting herself in danger. to which she said:

"i thought you'd be pleased i opened myself to extreme possibilities"

scully i am REACHING through the screen and telling you i'm proud of you in case no one ever did that before

(and MAYBE mulder yelling at her for putting herself in danger because he thinks he needs to protect her WAS deeply satisfying but still. read the room my king)

(also revealed in this scene: mulder is a jimi hendrix fan. i am tucking this knowledge in my pocket and storing it safely)

then the psychic decided to reveal some of her personal memories and we learn she stole a cigarette when she was 14 and she thought it was disgusting but she wanting to do something they would disapprove of. and she was so scared but so excited. are you kidding me? are you absolutely kidding me. the need to rebel from an assigned role in which she feels she MUST be perfect has haunted her from a young age, and when she finally did something her parents really disprove of- joined the FBI instead of working as a doctor- she's met with rejection. so now we know she's had this terrible need to do what pleases those she loves and to break that is a rush from its inherent moral Wrongness. the isolation of being the Good Child who does what She's Told vs. the isolation of being the Less Good Child who loses their parent's approval. that terrible ache of knowing you once pleased them and now you don't. the conditional nature of affection. ohhhhh good lord.

later mulder gets shot and scully thinks the psychic lured him into a trap which leads to her screaming at him (like SERIOUSLY screaming) that if mulder dies, she'll kill the psychic herself. now this was especially crazy because we have only at this point seen her yell once before which was in episode 8, but this was 10x that intensity. also wild for revealing that she will kill anyone who hurts mulder. once again i say holy FUCK.

mulder is wheeled in to the hospital and still telling her not to believe him, says that he's luring her into another trap. at this point i was yelling "TELL MULDER HE KNEW ABOUT YOUR DAD!" but she was too deep in the grief to bring it up

(throughout the entire episode she is hallucinating her dad in places he isn't, which is arguably far more impactful than just seeing her cry)

when the psychic reveals the location of the murderer and they go to check it out, scully straight up shoots the suspect. she is NOT playing around, y'all. i think this is the first time we see her shoot someone, which is already a lot to unpack. but then she doesn't follow the killer because the psychic had warned her against it and in this way he saves her life.

then she says thank you to the psychic, who says "come to my execution and i'll give your father's message to you" and she DOESN'T GO. mulder asks her why, because now he seems to think that psychic dude really WAS telling the truth, and she no longer does:

"why can't you believe?" "because i'm scared"

she's scared!! she's scared to believe. she's scared to know what is out there and she seemed scared to know what her father had to say. isn't there enough uncertainty in this world ruled by facts and science? what could the possibilities be like beyond that? why believe in what you cannot control? she says she knew what he would say because "he's my father". is that enough for her? or was she too frightened to hear that he wasn't proud of her?

overall i've said "holy fuck" like a LOT during this recap and i truly feel that those are the only words i have for the situation. getting to see more scully lore was EXACTLY what i was hoping for and i'm so pleased but also so so so sad. like she keeps her christmas tree up and she's a good cook and she has this terrible need for her father's approval that he won't give and then he goes and dies. i need about 10 beach episodes to make up for the sadness here. chris carter i'm in ur walls.

[demigods-posts]

Reasons why My Grand Plan from The Lightning Theif Musical is an amazing song:

1.) "If you don't go, you'll never know if you'll ever be good enough." She wants to go on every quest to prove that she is good enough because, as a child, she was never "good enough" for her mortal family. They neglected, ignored, and belittled her so much so that even though she's away from that environment, she feels the need to prove herself worthy of remembrance. like, sweetheart, you were already deserving of all things good. you musn't dwell on the opinions of the shitty people in your life.

2.) "Always been a tough girl, 'cause most girls never win if they're polite." I think it's safe to assume that Annabeth stumbled upon this lesson while on the run, before she met Thalia and Luke - and, I don't think the books specified on how long Annabeth was on her own before them. I can't imagine being seven years old and having to find yourself food, shelter, and a place to sleep. I doubt asking nicely got her anywhere, so she had to resort to more intense, manipulative, and violent acts to get by, and that's just so heartbreaking. I have no doubt that even as a seventeen-year-old, she still carries this lesson, amongst many others, with her.

3.) "And someday soon, the world will notice me." I think it's important to note that in the first chorus, she dreams of someone noticing her, but now that hope expands into the entire world noticing her. It's safe to assume her desire to be remembered only strengthen with time, and I think it's amazing that the writers shined a light on it.

4.) "And your stepmom treats you like some freak. And your dad won't give you the time of day. And your mom won't trust you with a quest. So, the best thing you can do is runaway." There are not enough words in any language to express the heart ache and anger that I feel on behalf of Annabeth. I will never understand how Annabeth, even though it's her choice and I respect it, even forgave her mortal family for all of this. This is abuse, and I will defend this girl with my life.

5.) "And someday soon, I swear. I don't know how or when, but I promise you, I'll never be invisible again. Someone will notice me." I am so happy that we can say that Annabeth Chase, indeed, achieved her grand plan of being remembered. She deserves it so much and I hope the rest of her life goes the way she hopes it does.

6.) I also feel the need to add this post here. It goes along with the topic of the song, and, I think, capitalizes on the important role Percy plays in her life. Just felt it was worth mentioning!

Is it clear that I love Annabeth? I think she's legit becoming my favorite character out of the book series. Like, I feel like the fandom often portrays her as this intense, badass warrior, and she is, but often forget to remember why she is that way, you know? Anyway, we stan.

Tags:

[heronpoxed]

Major Sons of Anarchy Spoilers

This post is for Tara Knowles stans and Tara Knowles stans only!

(maybe a little bit for her antis too)

Y’all know that I love Jax Teller right? but I love Tara Knowles more and sometimes I hate Jax so much, it is absolutely palpable because he is a pathological cheating manwhore<3 

This is probably going to be some type of um expansion of the similar post I wrote years ago (I wrote a whole goddamn essay. My 17-year-old self went all out and if you’re interested, here’s the link: https://www.tumblr.com/heronpoxed/625890875891990529/sons-of-anarchy-spoilers ) but this time I am older, wiser and more pissed off. 

I was scrolling through reddit, reading some convos on why Jax cheated on Tara this much and what his motivations were. Most of them were stating similar things which can be narrowed down to this: “This was the life and the MC culture. When you’re a part of an MC there are expectations that you need to meet aka expectations to cheat on your partners. He was raised this way. He was a womanizer and had gotten a horrible example of love from Gemma and Clay. He was seeking distractions, etc” 

Well, let me tell you: What a load of fucking bullshit. 

First of all, we have Otto fucking Delaney who did so much unimaginable shit just because he was in love with Luann. Looking at Otto, would you really think that he would be capable of cheating on her?  And the fact that he was a loyal husband would make him seem less deserving of his title as an MC member? 

I hate that everyone excuses Jax’s cheating. Like, at all! I hate that Sutter thought that he had to make Jax a cheater in order to portray a realistic MC member. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t know shit about MC other than what I’ve seen on the show, but let me tell you this: Jax was always portrayed as someone who was smarter than the rest of the club, more intelligent and above all this fake and basic instinct bullshit that most of the members lived by for so long and this is exactly why Jax being a cheater does not make sense because it just made him inconsistent. The toxic MC culture is to be unfaithful to your partners but the whole essence of Jax’s character is that he tried as much as he could to go against said culture and push the MC in a healthier direction.

With Jax always taking the moral high ground while being a VP and mostly taking a moral high ground while being a prez, you wouldn’t expect him to do shit like this to Tara, a woman he so obviously loves with his whole being. Like thats the thing, you can’t even say that he doesn’t love her because the lengths that he was willing to go for her were immeasurable. He got confused there for a sec but in the end he literally gave up his freedom so she could have hers and if we look through the darker lens, we all witnessed what he did to the poor Chinese boy and his own mother. 

The only time I get Jax’s motivation to sleep with someone who isn’t his wife, is when he found out about the divorce and the pregnancy. That thing would really fvck someone up and even if I hated that instead of talking it out with Tara or just like shouting at her, he decided to bury himself in a blonde milf, I understand why he did it. He was feeling hurt and upset and betrayed (tho If he hadn’t become a person who couldn’t be reasoned with, this could’ve been avoided).

However, him sleeping with Colette in 6x01??? There is no excuse! 

This is the shit that I hate the most, man. The second his relationship with Tara got strained, he ran straight to Colette instead of facing his issues and let me tell you, this makes Jax a coward. 

What’s worse is that he wanted to do it again and if he hadn’t seen Colette with Baroski, he most definitely would’ve slept with her that day. That entire scene is absolutely disgusting. Not because it’s relatively graphic, but because of the look on Jax’s face, like Colette was his and he felt violated that someone else was sleeping with his property. I literally gagged and threw up and cried. Thats how sick that scene was.

What’s even worse than THAT, is that if Colette hadn’t died in the Diosa massacre, that manwhore would’ve slept with her again and wouldn’t even feel weird about it(1) even after being caught with her by his wife, (2) even after knowing deep down that, on moral level, Tara would’ve been upset about and would not have wanted this. 

As much as I dislike Colette and don’t greet her tendency to get attracted to the guys that are clearly taken (don’t forget she had an eye for Nero first), to say the least, it annoys the hell out of me that everyone blames her. Hello? Jax isn’t exactly blameless here?!?! He easily could’ve said NO. What would Colette have done?! forced herself on him?! give me a break. People are so quick to blame women for the shit that men build the foundation for. 

I feel exactly the same way about the Ima situation. Ima WAS dumb but it wasn’t as if both Opie and Jax hadn’t made a conscious decision to sleep with her. Jax rearranging Ima’s face, calling her a wh*re and telling her to stay away from his family was unwarranted to say the least considering that he brought her in the clubhouse, into his life and inadvertently, everyone else’s.

Gods know how much I love Jax Teller but dude, DUDE! like I could never excuse such shitty behavior of his and whoever does is an utter misogynist and a victim of toxic masculinity. Jax wouldn’t have been any less intimidating or any less biker-y without being a pathological cheater. He could’ve broken Tara’s heart a million different ways, could’ve dealt with his cowardly issues with a million different distractions and coping mechanisms. Why did it have to be constant infidelity? 

Honestly, that’s so embarrassing of you, Jax.

What breaks my heart the most is the fact that Tara went back to him every single time even though she clearly stated that cheating was a deal-breaker for her. That’s how much she loved him but at the end of the day, that’s a woman written by a m*n; fulfilling this sick male fantasy that the woman has to be loyal to the man no matter what.

Damn, I needed to say all that. I’m rewatching like for the 5th time I think and I am so so angry. Now that I’m older I see things more clearly which makes me even more angry. 

I don’t know what the take-away is from this y’all but I can say one thing: Tara Knowles-Teller, my sweet, beautiful angel, deserved the best version of her husband. Not that second-hand cheap copy of him. 

[idy-ll-ique]

Paparazzi.

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x F!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Warnings: TOO META, m*sturbation, mentions of s*x

Requested: nope

Summary: I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me... Y/N Y/L/N writes Marvel fanfictions. One day, Sebastian stumbles upon her account and, unable to help himself, reads all the stuff she has written about him. He didn't mean to fall so hard for her but he does. How can he not? She has shown him parts of himself that he never even knew existed.

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! Okay so a few weeks ago I read a similar (but dark) fanfic and I really wanted to write a softer version of it... Enjoy!

---

Same old, boring routine.

Y/N hit post and slumped against the headrest of her bed, sighing. She waited; a minute, then two passed and she noticed that someone had liked her post. She smiled to herself as she kept her phone away. Though boring, she wouldn't trade her life for the world. Y/N… well, she was a university student first and foremost but she was also a writer.

Being a big fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, she had started writing fanfictions a few years ago. She posted them on Tumblr, where her blog, though not very well-known, stood out enough for her posts to get around 800-1000 likes per post. She loved it; she loved writing, she loved posting her stories and especially, she loved the feedback.

Sometimes people were rude, but most times, the reviews she got were fantastic. She read each and every one of them, smiling goofily as people freaked out over her fanfictions. It warmed her heart. A smile automatically blooming on her face, Y/N lay down on the bed and decided to go to sleep, it being almost 3 am.

Unbeknownst to her, someone else was up at the same time, tossing and turning in his bed, restless.

Sebastian sighed as he sat up, running a hand through his hair. He drank some water and lay down again, closing his eyes but it was like sleep was mad at him. Refused to be anywhere near him. He groaned to himself and picked up his phone from the nightstand, deciding to go through Instagram, hoping he'd finally fall asleep to the glare of the screen.

As he logged into his account, he skipped the activity page and went straight to the explore page. Bored, he continued scrolling until his eyes landed on a specific photo. And the breath escaped his lungs when he clicked on it; the woman in the picture was absolutely gorgeous. He just couldn't resist going to her page, smiling widely when he read her bio.

It gave him her basic information; her name, her age, the university she attended. But what caught his eye was the link below the bio. My Marvel Fanfictions Master List. Marvel fanfictions? She was a writer? Smirking, he clicked on the link and it took him to Tumblr. Of course, he'd heard of the site, but didn't have an account on there. At 3 am, his mind sure wasn't working right.

A post popped up on the screen, the same master list she had mentioned earlier. And his eyes bulged out of their sockets; damn, those are a lot of fanfictions. He went through the whole thing, smirking again when he noticed that she had written the most fanfictions about him. Not Bucky Barnes, no, Sebastian Stan.

He clicked on the first one. The date of posting was way back, in 2019. He started reading; nothing about it felt weird to him; he was intrigued, if anything. And as he continued reading, he couldn't help but imagine her being in the stead of the female protagonist. Her, the writer. The woman whose picture had made him end up reading in the first place.

When he finished the story, his heart thudded wildly in his chest. Wow, she really has a way with words. And he had also noticed how in the author's note, she used a lot of slang but reading the story had made him realize that she had an amazing, extensive vocabulary. He went back to the master list and clicked on the latest post under his name.

Posted: 15 minutes ago.

His breath hitched in his throat when he read the warnings: there was going to be sexual intercourse in this one. For one moment, he hesitated; did he really want to read this? "Oh fuck it," he huffed and scrolled, starting to read. The more he read, the more his shaft twitched in his pants. He wasn't really like that during… but oh damn, he wasn't complaining.

"Oh, Seb…"

His hand slid down and he rubbed himself through his boxers, unable to take his eyes off the text in front of him. His strokes got harder and faster as the sex got steamier. "Ungh, I'm gonna cum—" And he suddenly came in his boxers, groaning. Slumping down on the bed, he quickly finished reading the rest of it, going back to the master list.

He took a screenshot with the account's name in it and then went back to her Instagram account to take another screenshot. Keeping his phone away, he slipped out of his boxers, cleaned himself and pulled the covers on top of him, finally feeling tired enough to fall asleep.

---

Y/N was walking across the campus of her university, going to the cafeteria when her phone buzzed in her pocket. Taking it out, she opened Tumblr to read the message someone had sent her just then.

his-username: Hi there! I was binging your account last night, you write really well

your-username: Omg thank you!!!! I really appreciate it, I love getting feedback! 🥺❤

his-username: You're welcome! Especially your latest post, that was really good ;)

your-username: hehe 😈 glad you liked it!

Smiling widely, she kept her phone away and continued walking, not knowing that the person who had texted her was the same man she had written about. Sebastian smiled to himself when he read her text. After getting up in the morning, the first thing he had done was install Tumblr on his phone. Then he made an account for himself.

Figuring out the app was easy; he found out that there was an option to keep your liked posts and the accounts you followed hidden, and selected it immediately. No one needed to know what he did on the app. Then he went back to her account, pressed the follow button and started binge-reading her fanfictions again. Last night had he read only two, and that had left him wanting more.

Funny how much things can change in a night. He liked and reblogged all her posts without a second thought; he even read all her Bucky Barnes posts. She understood his character so well, put him on what he thought was an undeserved pedestal while writing about him. Some of the stories were AUs, which he found out stood for Alternate Universes. Mostly mobster or mafia stuff.

He had the day off, and he spent the entire time cooped up in his apartment, on his bed, reading. The more he read, the more he started fawning over her, over the version of him that she put out to the world. Dominating, suave and just perfect. He loved it. At the end of the day, he decided to text her again, hoping she wouldn't think he was weird or find out the truth.

his-username: do you wanna be friends, maybe? I'm new to the app, don't really have any friends here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

That was a lie, he knew Mark Ruffalo had an active Tumblr account. But it's not like he could tell him.

your-username: Yes sure!!!! I was also thinking of making some friends on this app lol

his-username: You don't have any on here? But you've been here for years, haven't you?

your-username: haha yeah, but I don't really reach out to people much. Sometimes people leave their feedbacks on my posts, text me but that's that

his-username: Ohhh

his-username: well, let's start with names. Mine's Sebastian

your-username: Really?????? omg that's so cool lmaooooooo (didn't think you were a boy but 😳👀)

his-username: Not a boy, I'm a man 😤😂

your-username: 🤣 im y/n, btw

his-username: Y/N, that's a nice name

your-username: thank you!!!! So, what do you do?

his-username: nothing really that interesting, I'm in theatre

your-username: theatre is nice! I'm studying at [university] in New York lmao

his-username: Wait you're in New York? So am I!

your-username: ASDFHKSHKGF that's awesome!!! also I noticed that you've been going through my account the whole day 😏 notifications upon notifications keeping my phone busy

his-username: Oopsie?

your-username: 😂😂 I really don't mind, it was great! Despite the amount of likes on my posts, I only have a few loyal followers lmao gaining one more felt nice

your-username: You a big fan of Sebastian Stan? Cuz I noticed that you were only reading his and Bucky's fics 👀

Sebastian's face heated up.

his-username: kinda yeah 🤷🏻‍♂️😁

your-username: Cool cool cool, I'm a big fan of his too!!!! also got a crush on him but whatever 😳

Sebastian smirked at his phone. A crush on him, huh? That… was acceptable. He suddenly felt his cocky side coming out; the one she described in nearly all her fanfictions.

his-username: wouldn't blame ya, I mean, look at him. You have also written the most fics about him and Bucky

your-username: right????? damn that man has raised my standards. Anyway, I gtg now, I have to finish a paper before midnight. ttyl!

his-username: Bye! 👋🏻

He kept his phone away and took in a deep breath. This was the most fun he had had in years, and he was not letting her go so easy. He realized he was quickly falling for her; rather unhealthy, but he couldn't help it. Look at her. She looks like a goddamn angel, writes like one, makes him feel like one, do you really expect him not to fall for her? That's insane.

---

Months passed by like a breeze. Y/N and Sebastian had become very good friends, and he knew his way around words just enough to keep her from finding out his identity while not lying to her. Y/N also appreciated his friendship, because he was the one to whom she could rant about her most favorite man in the world— Sebastian Stan.

Sometimes, she thought about how weird of a coincidence it was that her new friend and the actor shared the same names, but then she used to brush it off; that was a common name, right? They talked for hours on end; Sebastian (her friend, not the actor) was extremely witty, smart and fun to talk to, she had to admit. Sebastian felt the same way.

His feelings had worsened. Y/N entirely owned his heart now. Somedays, he'd just go on Instagram, go to her account— her username memorized by him— and stare at her photos until he grew tired; he'd never get tired of looking at her beautiful face but his stiff body afterwards begged to differ. She was just so Elysian. He longed for the moment when he could meet her in real life.

His personality had also changed majorly, and people had caught on. Especially his Marvel co-stars, who knew him to be introverted, shy and, in Anthony Mackie's words, "boring". They were surprised at his sudden change in attitude; he knew his worth and Y/N had helped tremendously in finding it. Now, all those adjectives that she used in her fanfictions fit him perfectly.

Sebastian was never tempted to read fanfictions about himself from authors other than Y/N. No, he only loved her work. He was sure no one else could write as beautifully as she did, he was her #1 fan. Y/N even sent him funny Marvel memes she found on the app and he used to enjoy them heartily; God, the others have no idea what they're missing out on. Our fans are awesome.

Everything was going well.

Until one day.

Sebastian was getting bored at home, so he decided to go to the nearby library to clear his mind. He had read not one book in the past few months, hung up on Y/N's fanfictions. At this point, he was obsessed with her and he knew it. It was nothing dark, per se, it was— it was similar to how Y/N was attracted to Sebastian. How she was a fan of his work.

Just the same. He was a fan of her work in the same way. Just how she was attracted to him, he was attracted to her. Walking into the library that he visited often, he gave the librarian a smile and ventured further into the dark place. He checked his watch; the library closed at 12 am, it was currently 9:30 pm.

Not many people were around, heck, nobody was around. He thought himself to be all alone until he heard it. A sigh, coming from a few aisles away. He walked in that direction and peeked around the corner, freezing when he saw the other person. Y/N? Her books were strewn all across the table as she sat alone at the booth, rubbing her temples.

"You okay?"

She looked up and her breath caught in her throat. I'm dreaming. This is not real. Now I know for a fact that Sebastian Stan is not standing in front of me, asking me if I'm— "Hello?" He snapped his fingers in front of her face, pulling her out of her thoughts. "I, uh— I'm— h-hi," she stammered and he almost chuckled. "Hi." She gulped visibly and blinked at the table, not meeting his eyes.

"Can I have a seat?" He wants to sit with me?! "Y-Yes, sure, sir," she blurted out and he easily slid into the booth next to her. "Hey, please, call me Sebastian. What's your name?" He gave her a friendly smile, even though all he wanted to do was push her back into the booth and kiss her wildly. His shaft twitched just by thinking about it; Y/N was a thousand times more beautiful in person.

"I'm Y/N, it's very nice to meet you, I'm… I'm a fan," she admitted, playing with the ring she wore on her left thumb. I'm your fan too, sweetheart, the biggest one. "Y/N, nice name. You come here often? I haven't really seen you around." She shook her head. "Oh no no, I moved to this part of the city just a week ago, this is my first time here. The library is cozy," she shrugged, easing out of her tense position.

Sebastian nodded. "Yes, I know, this place is awesome. Got all my favorite books here," he chuckled and she smiled at him. "What's all this?" A groan left her lips. "Ugh, stupid university work. I have to write a book report but I don't even know what to write about." He smiled gently. "Well, I have a few favorite books, would you like some suggestions?"

"Oh, please! Tell me!"

He started listing some of his favorite works and Y/N noted the names down until he said the last name. At that, she froze. That's the name of my latest— She looked up but he had a smile on his face. "Oh, and the last one is by my favorite author." He took a pause. "Y/N Y/L/N." She froze completely, staring at the man with her jaw dropped.

Sebastian grinned. "We finally meet, Y/N, I've been waiting for months." Her mouth opened and closed several times as she recalled every interaction she had had with her online best friend— scratch that— her celebrity crush. All the times she had confessed her love for Sebastian Stan, all the dirty and inappropriate memes that she'd sent him…

Embarrassment flooded her entire body as she exhaled shakily. "It was you," she croaked out, "On Tumblr, the account— I'm so sorry—" Sebastian frowned in confusion when she blinked back sudden tears, a few still rolling down her cheeks as shame replaced embarrassment. "Y/N, please don't cry…" She looked up at him, his figure blurry due to her tears.

"You've read everything, haven't you? I just— I'm sorry, I don't want to make you uncomfortable—" He pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. Y/N couldn't hug back, though she appreciated the hug especially since it came from him. "You don't know how much you mean to me, doll," he mumbled into her shoulder, using the nickname she often used in the stories she wrote about him. He grew accustomed to it easily.

"Huh?"

He pulled away to wipe her tears. "It was an accident," he admitted, "But I stumbled onto your Instagram account from my explore page. Then I clicked on your account, saw that you wrote Marvel fanfictions and I just couldn't resist the urge to read what you had written. Blame it on 3 am me, to be honest. You're a great writer, and I was immediately drawn to your works. They're awesome.

"They've helped me so much in the past few months. You see this changed attitude that everyone's been talking about lately? All because of you, sweetheart. I'm sorry for keeping my identity secret, but after reading your works, I knew I had to get closer to you. I made the Tumblr account just for you, just so I could talk to you. I'm sorry for lying, but thank you."

Y/N dumbfoundedly stared at him for a few moments, her heart beat getting steady with each thump. Here was a man she admired, loved more than anyone else in the world, telling her that he harbored the same feelings for her. How crazy was that?! Not trusting her words, she simply pulled him into another hug. Sebastian wrapped his arms tight around her, pulling her flush against him.

"Can I kiss you, doll?"

She slowly pulled away from him and nodded, shyly biting her lip. Grinning at the endearing gesture, Sebastian cupped her face and leaned in, gently pressing his lips to hers. The kiss grew hungry in a matter of seconds, and Y/N responded just as eagerly. His hands slid down to her waist and tugged on it, pulling her on his lap. She straddled his thighs as they continued kissing.

"Fuck," he groaned when they finally pulled away from each other, out of breath and panting. "You see what you do to me, doll?" Sebastian spoke huskily as he took her hand, placing it right on top of the tent that was forming in his pants. "Oh," Y/N whimpered when she felt him, the sound going straight to his shaft. "How about I take you home and we recreate some of the scenes from your stories, hm?"

"O-Okay."

"Good girl."

---

A/N: What a meta experience 🤡 Leave a like if you enjoyed, thanks for reading!

[peppermintbee]

OMORI has poor writing (Part 1)

OMORI stans, just block the #omori hate tag now because I’m going to use it to vent my frustrations with this game. If you love this game, I am not going to try to convince you otherwise. I am glad you enjoyed it so much. I am glad it means a lot to you. I’m not here to take that away from you. I honestly wish I felt the same way!

However, if you are like me and finished the game feeling disappointed, underwhelmed, and maybe a little frustrated, then I am here to say you are not alone. OMORI--while having the right set pieces for an interesting game--is a narrative mess.

I’m splitting this into two posts. This first post is about problems with the plot. The second is about problems with the message/moral. 

(Note: I use “OMORI” in all-caps for the game title, and “Omori” in title case for the character name.)

Spoilers and criticism below.

Part 1: Plot Writing Lies

There’s a book by Brian McDonald called Invisible Ink which is about how to write a compelling story (you can read this great book online for free here). There’s an explanation of the writing “lie” that I find myself frequently thinking of. A “lie” in this context does not mean something is literally untrue, it means something FEELS untrue, unrealistic, improbable, or unlikely. For example, if a character gets shot in the leg but manages to do parkour, this is a “lie” since it seems unrealistic for that to happen. If a character witnesses their beloved parent’s death and shrugs it off, it’s a “lie” because that reaction seems highly unlikely.

In OMORI, the plot is held together by multiple little lies that--try as I might--I just couldn’t bring myself to believe.

1. Sunny’s friends care about him, and vice versa

A major theme of the game is how friendship can overcome any obstacle. Friendship gets Sunny over his fear of heights, spiders, and water. Friendship is what Sunny remembers before the final boss fight, and allows him to face his guilt and defeat it (and prevent him from committing suicide). With the photobook and dialogue you are reminded over and over and over and over and over again that Sunny’s friends love him unconditionally.

However, I just couldn’t bring myself to believe it. The childhood memories are cute but shallow, boiling down to simply hanging out and eating treats. Plus, Kel and Aubrey fight constantly, with Aubrey even physically hitting Kel when he steps out of line. Hero and Mari behave more like babysitters than true friends to the younger kids. 

But at least the other kids interact with each other. Sunny, on the other hand, showed nearly no affection or consideration towards his friends. He floats through the memories like a ghost--he could have been completely absent from all the photos and it would have made little difference. I was ready to accept this as Sunny being an unreliable narrator and not thinking he was a good enough for his friends, but this never contradicted. Instead we are given even more memories where Sunny just silently exists there being “cute.”

[Sunny enriching the lives of his friends by LARPING as a cat.]

Because of the lack of meaningful interactions between them, there was nothing in the game that made me think that these 12-15 year olds would have a strong enough bond that would survive 3-4 years of no contact after finding their friend hanged. In fact, that discovery only drove them farther apart. The only person who I could believe actually had a close bond was Basil, who almost literally filled that trope of being the friend who would help you bury a body (or in this case, help Sunny cover up the accidental manslaughter).

The writing fix for this would be simple: instead of showing us the same boring birthday and beach scenes over again, give the kids memories of overcoming some age-appropriate adversity together: heartbreak over an unrequited crush, anxiety over homework, sports injury, lost dogs, divorced parents, running away from home, bullying, etc. Set a precedent of the friends supporting each other through good times AND bad times. Without such backstory, Sunny’s friendships allegedly giving him the courage to overcome his guilt feels like a lie.

2. Sunny abandoning Basil in the bathroom scene

One of the most confusing moments in the game was Sunny’s negligence when Basil has his first breakdown in his bathroom. This part of the game is player-controlled, which is a strange writing decision because all you can do is click on Basil and various bathroom amenities over and over which completely saps the urgency out of the scene. When you try to leave, Basil begs Sunny to stay, but (due to a lack of player options) Sunny walks out without a word. With no option to talk to him OR get help for him, it makes Sunny seem exceptionally cruel to Basil. In fact, I was starting to wonder if the game was setting up for some sort of twist that Sunny DIDN’T care about his friends, which would fix some of the confusion in point #1. However, as we know, that is not the case. Therefore, Sunny’s negligence/apathy towards Basil’s pain feels like a lie.

The writing fix would be to make it MORE clear that Sunny is intentionally running away from Basil. Make it a cutscene, or, give a false choice such as “Leave Basil? Yes / Yes”. After Sunny leaves, Kel should make some remark about Sunny looking odd, “You look sort of shaken up, is there something you want to tell me?” then hit it home with Sunny shaking his head. This would make it more clear that Sunny is intentionally hiding Basil’s state, as opposed to just being a bad friend. As it stands, it just felt like a writing mistake.

3. Basil and Sunny working together to stage Mari’s death as a suicide

This is the plot hole that I see the most complaints over, but it’s so big I have to address it. Accidentally pushing Mari down the stairs I understand, but the rest is too absurd. Below are some of the “lies” that the writing tries to get away with:

That Sunny and Basil wouldn’t just claim she slipped and fell.

That either boy would even come up with this sick plan.

That they wouldn’t back out of this idea during the multi-step process (carrying her downstairs, outside, getting the jump rope, tying a noose, putting it around her neck, stringing her up, hiding the evidence... This is a series of multiple decisions, not one quick accident like the initial push.)

That it’s not the image of Mari’s death that traumatized Sunny, but the image of what they chose to do to her body that traumatized them. I understand the image of Mari hanging is more dramatic, but they literally did it themselves so why is that more haunting than Sunny killing her?

That Mari’s true cause of death wouldn’t be immediately obvious to the parents, the police, the friends, EVERYONE. (I’ve seen fans try to get rid of this plot hole by hypothesizing that the parents knew and covered it up, but the evidence of this is circumstantial at best. The father saying, “You’re not my son,” is unreliable since it happens in Sunny’s headspace. Divorce is common after the death of a child, and, at the very least, Sunny’s mom doesn’t show any evidence of knowing what happened. The way it is written, only Sunny and Basil know the truth.)

The ridiculousness of this twist is so extreme that it completely broke any immersion I had left. Frankly, the reveal that the happy, loveable Mari committed suicide is a far heavier and more realistic twist than a crazy murder-cover-up story is.

Additionally, it seems like Basil was only written into this scene in order to make Sunny the true victim of what happened. After all, Sunny may have pushed her, but it was Basil who came up with the demented cover up. (This is apparent from just the photos but the datamined Truth Album confirms it.) By having Basil come up with the plan, the game splits the guilt between the two of them to make the kids easier to sympathize with. It’s problematic because if Basil was not in the scene, there would be no way to justify what Sunny did to Mari. So why is what they did easier to accept when they worked together?

Fixing the writing lie: Sunny lies and says that Mari slipped. Remove Basil from the scene, and instead have Sunny confide in Basil which forces Basil to become a co-conspirator and burdens him with the terrible truth.

4. Sunny’s friends forgiving him and Basil for what they did to Mari

Last but not least, the story heavily implies that Hero, Kel, and Aubrey will forgive Basil and Sunny for what they did to Mari. I found this to be almost as unbelievable as the staged-suicide stunt.

It feels like a lie since the group’s friendship is never established as anything beyond shallow hang outs from 3+ years ago (see point #1).

It feels like a lie because this is hot off the heels of Aubrey being so distraught over Mari and the following fall out that in the last three days she 1.) attacked Sunny and Kel with a nail bat TWICE, 2.) Stole Basil’s photobook, and 3.) Shoved Basil in the lake. This trauma is still very fresh for her.

It feels like a lie because the complexity of the staged-suicide is so extreme, one would be hard pressed to forgive ANYONE for doing that, be it friend, foe, parent, sibling, lover, etc.

I’ve seen fans argue that the ending is not about forgiveness, it’s about telling the truth, and I want to believe that. Really. If the ending was about Sunny starting his redemption arc by telling the truth no matter what the consequences are, that would be a meaningful lesson. But the writing does not support that. The ending headspace segments are focused on assuring Sunny that his friends will support/forgive him no matter what. To do this, the game shows us the shallow photobook memories (again) to show how much they allegedly care about each other. Then, when fighting Omori, Sunny remembers these quotes from his friends, which directly correlate to their unconditional support:

KEL: Friends... Friends are supposed to be there for each other.

AUBREY: I hope you can find some peace... or you know... some happiness.

HERO: We made the mistake of leaving each other when we needed each other the most. This time... we’ll stay together.

BASIL: Maybe one day... things can go back to the way they were before.

The really direct evidence that this ending is about getting forgiveness is this quote from Basil in Sunny’s headspace:

[BASIL: “AUBREY, KEL and HERO are good friends. You have to trust that they’ll forgive us.”]

This is one of the last scenes before Sunny tells his friends the truth, proving that obtaining forgiveness from his FRIENDS is in fact the leading motivation for Sunny’s actions.

Fixing this writing lie is easy. Instead, adjust the writing to be about telling the truth, not about how much the friends will still love Sunny. Have headspace Basil say, “Even if they don’t forgive us, Aubrey, Kel, and Hero deserve to know the truth. It’s the only way to make things right... or close to it.”

Conclusion

OMORI is undeniably a cute game with a strong visual identity, and has a premise that could make for a very compelling experience. However, the sloppy plot and weak character writing cause the potential of this game to be squandered. There are other issues as well that I chose not to cover for the sake of time, such as the poor pacing of the dragged out dungeons and the bizarre, unrealistic behavior of characters in the “real” world. 

However, there are a few more glaring problems with OMORI that I have to address: In part 2 of my critique, I break down what may be the biggest problem with OMORI’s writing: the message.

[ Link to Part 2: OMORI’s Message is Mishandled and Distasteful ]

[puffedcheeksx]

a personal essay on why i love Dr Romantic 2

Dr. Romantic 2 was the kdrama that found me at my darkest. You see, I ended 2019 leaving from what I once thought was my dream job. Hoping to start 2020 anew, I've been in search for some sort of inspiration and in those attempts, trying to fill that void through kdramas. I never even meant to watch DR2, even if at that time it was already trending on my personal twitter feed (also, it was the last week of cloy and i was determined to catch up to it). And I believe it was the universe itself sending to me a Viu app reccomendation and this youtube video below of Cha Eunjae and Seo Woojin meeting again at Doldam.

It wasn't even a fluffy scene for that matter (and tbh I didn't even know it was Ahn Hyoseop who was the ML, I thought it was Dr Bae from this clip i'm sorry *cries*) but I found myself intrigued with how Woojin looked at Eunjae that I decided to give this series a try.

And man, was I goner within the first five minutes. It surprised me how much I enjoyed watching this, when a medical drama wasn't my go-to genre.

As someone who hasn't watched the first season prior, it was a journey for me to discover Master Kim's personality along with Seo Woojin and Cha Eunjae. And just like the great surgeon Master Kim was, he was able to cut right through my heart saying the things I needed to hear. In a way, Master Kim helped me to stitch myself up that I found myself praying to have a mentor like him each time after finishing an episode.

I also enjoyed watching how they explored each of the characters as well. I found my younger self in Yoon Ahreum, innocent and curious, joining the Doldam team in hopes to be as accomplished and bright as the rest. I found my college self in Park Euntak in his seemingly blind faith towards Master Kim and later second guessing his decisions later in the series. I also found myself in Dr Park's legalistic views, and wondering wasn't it best to play the safe side but also secretly envious of Master Kim's bravery. I loved Nurse Oh's voice of reason. I loved how broken Seo Woojin was, and how he never let his past define his present, striving to live a good life.

But mostly, I fell in love and found myself most in Cha Eunjae and cried buckets with her. Cha Eunjae and I were similar in a lot of ways : spoiled, sheltered, would make lots of excuses and obsessing about being good enough. While Cha Eunjae was initially presented as a weak character, I liked how she didn't pity herself. She was a fast learner, picking herself up growing little by little throughout the episodes with hits and misses along the way. I loved how Cha Eunjae owned up to her own life. Technically, coming from a well-off, doctor affiliated family she could easily pull-off some strings right from ep 1 when she was sent off to Doldam Hospital. But she faced the consequences of her actions head on and allowed herself to be of service during her time there.

Just like Cha Eunjae I also had my share of situation based anxiety attacks in a weirdly ironic case as well. I understood where she came from, Cha Eunjae knew what she had to do and that she was capable, but there was so many background noise that would make her doubt and blank out the last minute. Watching Cha Eunjae grow became a vision for me to what I would like to become.

I cried with her when Master Kim told her off saying she should quit becoming a doctor, as it was a scene that hit close to home. And I cried all the more when she firmly said no when Master Kim said "If I told you to quit would you really do it?"

And of course there was the Seo Woojin and Cha Eunjae love line. I am always a fan of the slowburn trope but I believe that it is quite tricky to present a slowburn love story-- too slow and it might feel dragged on, too quick and it may lose its essense. And Ahn Hyoseop and Lee Sungkyung, with all the minimum scenes & skinships that they have, delivered it with pure magic. I loved, loved how their love story was more-than-it-meets-the-eye kind of thing. There was meaning behind the things they said, and didn't say. Their push-and-pull was satisfyingly good, that whenever Woojin makes an indirect confession I felt as breathless as Cha Eunjae was. Being deprived from the typical lovey-dovey scenes, their latter scenes then became so much sweeter especially with those little caressing Woojin did. *blushing intensifies*

Most of all, I loved how Seo Woojin wasn't some kind of hero/prince charming for Cha Eunjae and how Cha Eunjae wasn't the catalyst for Seo Woojin's character growth. Rather, Doldam hospital gave them the tools to grow, and they picked themselves on their own, with each of them occasionally offering each other support when needed to. They were truly relationship goals!

It's been over a year now simping over this kdrama (and a year since I joined kdrama stan twitter because of said drama), and I hope that we wouldn't wait too long for season 3 ❤️

[judyhopps934-mt-zd]

Thoughts on Truth

Warning: Spoilers and intense emotions. You have been warned.

So that's how you fix a broken miraculous. And once it's fixed, Duusu seems to be better and felt that she was living a nightmare. Okay, we see.

I never spoke about ShadowMoth's costume. It's okay. I just don't like how powerful he is now.

I guess since the Kwamis were never out of the Miracle Box, they don't know how to behave in the human world. Its funny to see how they behaved, but I also feel bad for Marinette who looked like a crazy person trying to get the kwamis under control.

Also, the Miracle Box reflects Marinette. Does that mean that Marinette is spontaneous or that she is willing to let the Kwamis out of the Miracle Box? I say its both.

Also, how did the writers let Marinette forget that the Kwamis live in their magical world??? (Did they forget about "Sandboy"???) Also, didn't Master Fu or Tikki ever tell her about the whole kwamis and technology thing??? Is Adrien the only one that knows??? Or do I have amnesia?

The girls thought Adrien was at her place??? Did anyone even tell them about the whole Adrien and Kagami thing? Or is that why they are shocked???

The goat kwami apparently did not know about the technology thing and called photos paintings. I get it though: photos are like paintings.

And they sent a photo of Adrien to Luka. Oh boy *facepalms*

...and when Marinette answers Luka's call (made by the goat kwami whose name I cannot recall), she mistakes him for Adrien. I wonder how long this will last (if it even lasts)

Being a guardian means many responsibilities... and forgetting many things, including having a date with Luka. I feel bad for both of them, especially since the date was yesterday. YESTERDAY! Also, forgetting what they were going to be doing and what they will see in the movies

I love Lukanette's chemistry (even though I am a Love Square stan as you all know). Their guessing game on the way to the movies was adorable and in line with couple goals.

The necklace as a gift theory was right! We did it peoples!

Marinette screaming the answer "Kiss me" was a whole mood. And so is the staring thing.

WE/I WERE/WAS RIGHT THAT THEIR KISS WOULD BE INTERRUPTED!!! AND THAT IT WAS AN AKUMA!!! Take it as you will, although they were both passed that there kiss was interrupted.

Ladybug yeeting Chat Noir off the roof only to pull him back, break an office window, Chat smiling about it, and Ladybug enjoying this moment while simultaneously being concerned is what I live for! My Ladynoir heart is satisfied.

IT IS CANNON THAT THEY HAVE PATROLS. Although, it was cannon ever since the IG accounts existed.

ShadowMoth and all these sentimonsters is bananas. How do Marinette and Adrien handle this????

Well, we know for Marinette is the excuses that sometimes make no sense. And the fact that we see Luka become more upset with the more excuses she makes hurts, to the point that he mentioned it at the performance.

LUKA HAS A CHARACTER PEOPLES! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

He had no idea who his father is and his mom would not tell him. This is why he has some form of trust issues and why he is very hurt when Marinette would not tell him anything (because that would mean that she has to tell him she's Ladybug and that could mean the end of the world).

Side note: He is still aware that she still likes Adrien.

Luka resisting the akuma and amok because he still trusts Marinette hurts and shows that they have a healthy relationship (or as healthy as it could be when your girlfriend is a superhero and cannot tell you). Also, how he tells Marinette to run before succumbing to ShadowMoth shows how much he really cares about her. Luka I owe you an apology

Love how everyone in Paris thinks that Marinette's secret is that she loves Adrien. Marinette, you got them all fooled. But if this is the case, then that means Adrien is really dense.

Truth spots his mom and gets her to say who his father is...

ITS BEEN JAGGED STONE ALL ALONG!!! WE WERE RIGHT PEOPLES! OUR HEADCANNONS BECAME CANNON BECAUSE WE ARE GENIUSES!!!

My first thought was "Holy chiz, we were right! We were freaking right!" I had to pause for a miniature victory dance.

Miniature victory dance break!

Anyways, he goes to Jagged Stone not before ShadowMoth yells at him and Truth yells back that he always tells the truth. Man this all hurts so much seeing Jagged's absence having an effect in Luka's thoughts about honesty.

Chat Noir saving Ladybug from saying who she is, giving her the oxygen mask, and saying how he won't force her to tell the identity is wholesome.

Luka is understandably angry at Jagged for leaving him and his mom as Truth. Understandable. I also get Jagged's perspective of the fears of being a horrible parent. But once you are a parent, you have to stay unless you are a danger to children. Jagged is not a danger to children and he should have stayed. Just saying.

People are being yeeted left to right in this episode like wha???

Now Truth heads for Marinette's house and attacks her parents. They also think her secret is about Adrien lol.

I love Tom. Even under the spell, he was willing to make sure Truth does not go up to her room. Too bad that wasn't enough though.

Just as he was about to open the place with the Miracle Box, they catch him! Now, the showdown starts.

Ladybug loves Chat's confidence, courage, and SENSE OF HUMOR!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!

Ladybug and Chat saving each other from revealing their secret identities is just wholesome!

It sucks being in a room that belongs to your soon to be ex (Note: Marinette is not his ex yet, so do not say ex until a certain point). And with photos of the one she loves. Yikes.

Ladybug and Chat's conversation is wholesome. They are safe in each other's company because they trust each other and such. And they like each other's company. But they will catch ShadowMoth no matter what his name has changed to.

Also, Adrien must have had a hard time in his civilian life to be excited about fighting akumas and sentimonsters. I mean why am I surprised this is the same guy that is excited about throwing himself to death get this kid some dang therapy!

The Lukanette break up. So they are taking a break because Marinette wants to be honest to Luka, but cannot be honest for now. Luka takes this surprisingly well and says that he will be waiting while Marinette is the one that appears to be hurt the most. It hurts me

Luka and Jagged Stone collab! I can't wait for it!!! Glad that Jagged and Luka will slowly bur surely mend their relationship.

It hurts me knowing that Marinette can't be with anyone as long as she is Ladybug (or at least until ShadowMoth is defeated) because of the responsibilities and secrets she holds. She is afraid that she is a danger to others and being a danger to others means that they are a danger to Ladybug and Chat Noir and that means the end of the world! My precious bean is 15/16 and she has the weight of the world on her shoulders and this is the first step to her eventual breakdown from the Gloob trailer. Like, can we not hurt Marinette FOR FIVE GOSH DARN MINUTES???????

At least being a guardian has some perks, like having all the Kwamis giving you a hug in exchange for the world on your shoulders. Glad that the kwamis are being understanding to this extent.

Also, can I have kwamis to hug me when I am sad/stressed??? Especially since I am going to college

Overall, this is a very heavy first episode and I am here for it! Luka has a backstory independent of Marinette and a lot of our headcannons are confirmed! Also, Ladynoir are very much alive in their platonic banter and I am here for it even if the rest of the Love Square is somewhat dead.

I have my two cents on Lukanette and that is even as a Love Square stan, they deserve better, at least for half the season, and allow Luka to heal, and Marinette to focus on herself and being a guardian.

I sort of see the impact of Chat Blanc in this episode, but I am not a very emotional person when it comes to watching TV and even though it did not make me cry, it was still emotionally heavy for me, so take it as you will.

Anyways, we are back on track my peoples and I will add on to this post once the English Dub comes to light. See you all soon!

[cinnamonblueberry22]

My opinion on the Chloe and Zoe drama

Alright after Sole Crusher and Queen Banana there have been lots of posts ranting about it. So now it's my turn to say something lol.

(Warning: Swearing may be in this post)

I do not agree with how Thomas Asstruck is acting like a 6-year-old on Twitter about a pixel. Like bro, if you despise her that much, maybe change her? But I do agree with his point that some people just don't change. They don't always be better.

That is reasonable, HOWEVER, him literally comparing a fictional character, to a rapist and an abuser, is completely wrong. Him saying how Chloe didn't go through anything bad is wrong. You can't say a fictional teenager, who has gone through a neglectful parent, not accepting her daughter and being spoiled by her father and then compare it to a fucking rapist. That's just wrong.

People are saying that they're disappointed in how Adrien got mad at Chloe? If you don't know what I'm talking about, here's the scene:

I don't know what world of delusion you're in, but Adrien finally addressing the fact that Chloe was still rude and nasty to everyone and Chloe ending it is actually a good thing. While Chloe getting mad at Adrien for wanting her to apologize isn't the best part, what was good is that Adrien was standing up to his friends and yet was still trying to be sincere with Chloe. Blame Thomas all you want, but this was a good development for Adrien. He learned to not stick to someone who was rude to everyone even though they were once close to him. In Malediktator, he literally felt bad for Chloe leaving New York as if it even was the student's fault for being fed up with Chloe's bullshit? So why are you mad at a fight between Adrien and Chloe?? Chloe ending the friendship was bad, doesn't mean it's totally over. If you ignore the way the end card portrayed Chloe and Zoe, just take a look at the photos:

She went from aggressive and rude, to confused and shocked. From Zoe's affection, she didn't know how to react, that mean and nasty look was gone for a good few seconds. Even though Chloe was plotting for revenge after, Zoe smiled at the end. This could be foreshadowing that with the help of Zoe and more affection, Chloe can become better. Now I am not saying Zoe is going to be a pushover for the rest of the season when Chloe is there. I'm saying Zoe is probably still holding her sister accountable for what she did and is trying her hardest for her sister to be better and eventually apologize. The end card foreshadows that Chloe will be plotting for revenge. But what revenge exactly? Zoe is not going to leave just in a split second. In fact, she won't leave until another few months. So this could mean that Chloe's idea of revenge on Zoe will tone down. Or I could be completely wrong if I am being honest.

Now as for Zoe, I like her! She has that badass vibe as Vesperia, which I really enjoy if I am being honest. Her superhero form was really interesting to see, she was so independent and strong, which I also loved! Chloe fans on the other hand... are something else. Calling her a Mary-Sue, saying she's the perfect sister, that sorta thing.

A Mary-Sue stands for a character who is not flawed and is loved by all. Zoe was only loved because she explained why she was acting like Chloe from the beginning. The students literally jumped to conclusions and thought Zoe was just like Chloe in the beginning. So they were only being affectionate in the end simply because they felt bad for Zoe and how they thought wrong about her. Zoe is not perfect. I don't know where you got that from. This girl literally tried making different personalities to be accepted. She tried being affectionate to her half-sister even though she was being rude. Because she knows what her sister went through. Abandonment. You think that makes her perfect?

Anyway, I personally think Zoe is a plot device for Chloe to be better. And I know some Chloe stans may be worshiping her and they're going to be mad that "Chloe's redemption ended" As if she even had one in the first place but oh well. Honestly, I'm just hoping for the better.

[weaselbeaselpants]

Weird week behind me weird week ahead of me but I’ve done a lot of self reflection and came to the weirdest epiphany. The older I get the more I realize all my ‘problems’ with VivziePop - her thoughts on criticism;  the choices she makes in story telling; some of the people she’s worked with (not that any of that’s my business; I’m not her mom) really aren’t about Viv, but more about her fandom.

I’m speaking of the preHazbin era Viv here and as someone who’s only watch horny fish jump at the surface rather than jump straight into the Hazbin-fandom, but given my ‘noncritical’ fellow fans have told me that the Vivziefandom now is also terrible - I guess I’ll go over my experience and make the most out of what I do know.

I followed Viv in 2009 and fell off in 2013 cause I kinda just lost interest and found myself wrapped up in other fandoms. I’ve always felt amicable about her content; I could give or take designs or the way in which she wrote characters -- ((Zech represent!!!)) but it’s honestly surreal and really fun seeing this person I recognize make it big and improve so much. Like I’ve said before I am very happy and very impressed with Viv doing all she’s done in the span of TWO YEARS. wow gurl.

Trouble is, there was the particular breed of fan who really made me...uncomfortable. They felt almost possessive of Viv’s attention. They sang praises about her work in a way that just made me want nothing to do with it because I was worried if I drew those characters these people would be like ‘hey, I’M Viv’s fav artist, not you!”. They would  unironically write Viv messages like:

“you are a GOD” -- “I’m so not worthy compared to you” --“I wish I was as talented as you” -- “YOU ARE EVERYTHING AND CAN’T DO WRONG VIV”.

The kind of messages which were meant to sound flattering but, intentional or not, came off as gaslighting, like they were guilt tripping Viv about being better than them. This behavior, treating your favorite artist/internet personality like your superior and groveling like Starscream, it strikes a nerve with me; partly because I was this way with my favorite artists and influences back in the day,  but also because once I got a taste of that treatment myself I realized just how bad it could be:

There was once a girl on dA who was jealous of me because of the attention I got on my art instead of her. I told her that I wasn’t gonna stop drawing but also that there was nothing wrong with her art and she’d find her place. It was weird being put in that position where someone is very clearly upset at you but also looking for your approval.

The second was some scumball who I blocked in 2016. He wouldn’t speak to me, only write condescending, backhanded comments on my art; check on my profile daily; call me a bootlicker (cuz I took commissions) behind my back; redrew my art and would talk about me in his personal artist notes about how I ‘probably wouldn’t see this’ - oh yeah all the while he did fan art of my characters but again never spoke to me when I replied. When I finally messaged him about his behavior he said he thought I was “really overrated” and “bad for the fandom” cuz I took money and kept him from getting the love he deserved. It took messaging another person within our fandom, one I had been in spats with online before, to finally realize I shouldn't put up with that bs....

That guy who was stalking me btw did so while I was well under 1.K watchers and am still pretty obscure. Anyway, I had one guy unhealthily watching me for the wrong reasons. Just one. This is why when Viv says she “hates creeps” I 150% believe this woman and am not about to call her a liar who just can’t take criticism. Like, if you really think that, I’m sorry but you don’t know what Viv’s gone through from both her critics AND fans.

Of course, a lot of people will be like “I bet you’re just jealous and really just want that kind of attention yourself so you’re preaching to the choir”, but like...no. I am envious of just about any creator who’s the social butterfly I’m not, but, like, if I'm jealous of an artist none of that is that artists’ fault. Ever. It’s my own issues with being comfortable with myself are at stake. If I criticize Viv’s work it’s not because I see her as competition or my Squilliam Fancyson; it’s because I’m a critical fan of animation and cartoons and have my own thoughts to share on the cartoons of an artist I’m familiar with.  Jealousy/envy/mixed-admiration/godIwishthatwereme.jpeg feels are totally natural and valid emotions when you’re a creator. Envy becomes a problem when you internalize, weaponize, and scrutinize people on the basis of them being what you aren’t which -yes - some people do in the name of criticism. ((Although, I would hardly say some of the nastiest AntiViv folk are jealous as much as they are angry that this project they think is harmful is getting attention and using that as justification for some really shitty behavior of their own, which no, this post is not a part of by virtue of coming from a critical fan.))

Critique can come from either a good place or bad place; good critique can be used to bad ends and bad critique can come from a well-meaning place, and vice versa.   It’s the difference between many a criticalfan having a sour taste in their mouth regarding the Viv’s base but persisting in a critique+admiration separate of that, and this asswipemonster trying to weasel his way into Spindlehorse while also bashing Viv on a public forum for clearly vitriolic reasons. He was a creep.

So yeah um please stop insisting that every Hazbin critic is just jealous’ because a) there are people who have a past with Viv’s base and that clouds their judgement, but in a lot of cases that doesn’t invalidate their feelings or thoughts on her work separate from that, and b) I’ve seen what clingy gaslighting jealous fans are. Spoiler: they’re not so much Annie Wilkes as much as they are Tommy Wiseaus. You don’t want Tommy Wiseau following you.

Another bad vibe I really picked up on that I can kinda confirm is still probably the case now: people think that they know Viv and the Spindlehorse crew and have the right to send them shit they don’t need or WANT to be seeing.

Like, I talked with Viv once ages ago. I don’t remember what I said other than we were talking about Frankenweenie, I think. She was nice. Outside of that she said “thank you” to my comments on her deviations but that’s it. I DO NOT KNOW THIS WOMAN AND unless you’ve worked with or are a legit friend/mutual of hers, NEITHER DO YOU. But I don’t think every Vivzie stan/critic knows this. Whether it be people assuming she MUST think they’re headcanon is now canon-canon cuz she liked a comment they made; or some critic thinking they must have seriously hurt her pride because they’ve been blocked by her on twitter (or you know, maybe she and the rest of Spindlehorse is tired of getting @s and don’t have to time to read through your analysis so they’re gonna just block and move on cuz they’re busy).

Just because the creators talk with fans doesn’t mean fans are literally their best friends and have a part in the show’s direction. And yes, critics and reviewers fit that bill as well. Know your damn boundaries people.

If you find/make some kind of contribution as a viewer that’s awesome but you should never expect nor DEMAND the creator see it. The most obvious horror stories involving this and Helluva/Hazbin have been the Instagrams made by the crew being harassed by incestpedo enthusiasts, but it applies even to just @ing creators as well.

I’ve seriously had someone tell me to just take my criticisms directly to Viv and like...no. Why would I do that?

I respect Viv and the artists working with her enough to know that they’re working their asses off on an animated series and should not be bothered. I don’t want them to stop all they’re doing and reply to me. I want them to keep working. Also, that kind of logic makes me wonder how many critics Viv’s found because she found it on her own or if some obsessed fan told her about it - which is really messed up cuz if it IS just good critique you’re, again, just pestering her, and if it wasn’t critique but full on harassment WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU MESSAGE HER ABOUT THAT ANYWAY? I’m sure she doesn’t need to be reminded that people drew and said really awful shit about her on Tapatalk. My point being I’m sure what people think they’re doing is

“OOOoh Viv lookitwut this person is doing in our fandom we need to ban together against this toxic behavior”

but what they’re actually doing, and sounding like, is -

“Hey Viv I know you are working so hard on the show and you’re trying to figure out where to go from here but LOOKITWHUTTHISHATERSAID. LOOKATIT! VALIDATE ME VIV AND PUT’EM IN THEIR PLAAAAAACE!”

TL;DR Viv’s fanbase back in the day consisted of everyman artists and interests but there was this one breed of fan -who I hope was just a vocal minority- that ruined it for everything else.

Call it stanning or ‘simping’ or as it’s classically known, ‘white knighting’, whatever it was it really soured a lot of people on her because of those fans.

That’s why the DollCreep drama got so bad from what I can tell. Doll and Viv had a falling out and then called out eachother online where people who took it upon themselves to speak for them starting throwing mud.

Back in the day I remember Viv used to get mad at artists for ‘stealing’ her style. I think this attitude from Viv directly has vanished but I remember it happening because one of the people she thought was stealing her style did art for me at some point and they were basically shamed/chased off deviantART by a gaggle of these really nasty Vivfans.

inb4> “VIV WAS AWARE AND STILL WEAPONIZES HER FANS THO”

I don’t know that. And honestly, where I’m inclined to believe she’d do something like that then I think Viv is really different and has improved her business and public image from her college days. I’d be very disappointed in her if she was pulling a Butch Hartman or Derek Savage, but I just don’t think she is one, k?

Viv is more self critical and aware than any of these uber protective-gatekeeping fans give her credit for. She said on the Pizzapartypodcast that she knows the Hazbin pilot wasn’t perfect; she’s been able to identify the problems with old Zoophobia; this woman knows that criticism of all kinds need to exist and from what I see she sounds like she’s trying to get used to that. It’s just, you know, when you have nasty antis badgering you, stalkers, obsessive yes-mam’ fans, opinionated shit posters, r34 artists, entitled shippers and the NDAs of a company alongside your own branded image - all that negativity, even the constructive bits, tend to clump together and you just want to scream at it so you can finish the damn cartoon already!!!!

TL;DR: PART TWO

VivziePop/mind is basically indie Tim Burton.  Her work is fun, shallow and made with love but is marketed as being for everyone when it’s really not. Parts of it I love to watch; parts of it drives me crazy cuz of reasonswhatev this isn’t a review.

BUT any fanbase where people tell me I should just “expect what’s coming to me” when I’m trying to argue against dragging creators into fandrama is troubling. People have a parasocial bond with fandoms and their creators and they need to learn when to back off.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 278: MOMO IN CHARGE

Previously on BnHA: Deku and Kacchan were all “SIR, THAT’S OUR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SENSEI” and got really ferocious and made a very passionate attempt to blow Tomura up and it was great. It basically did nothing, but it was still great. AFO was all “COME HERE LIL BRO”, and Tomura was all “silly Sensei, you can’t just take over my mind and body just like that”, and he was very confident of this despite there really being no evidence to back it up, but okay! Gran was all “time to make the fandom mad at me” and grabbed Tomura by the collar and yelled at him about Nana a bit, and then Bakugou and Endeavor made an even MORE passionate attempt to blow up Tomura, which may or may not have done some actual damage. The chapter ended with Gigantomachia battling Mt. Lady, just kinda out of the blue, which is FINE, but she had better be all right, though!

Today on BnHA: Everyone is all “WAUGHH IT’S GIGANTOMACHIA” and running around freaking out about it. The U.A. alums all kick some ass, and pretty much everyone else not from U.A. does jack fucking shit. Mt. Lady, who I plan on naming all of my future children after, does her best to stop Machia but he keeps flinging her aside. Kamui Woods is all “here I come with Midnight to put Gigantomachia to sleep!” and is PROMPTLY FUCKING MURDERED!? by Dabi because he’s a flammable tree man, and so Midnight falls all the way to the ground and is badly injured. So then she’s all “well I better call the most competent person I can think of to fix this mess” and dials up YAOYOROZU FUCKING MOMO, who proceeds to take charge LIKE THE BOSS SHE IS, and mobilizes the rest of the kids. And honestly I have more faith in them than in any of the adults at this point, so yeah, you know what? Let’s do this.

so I am possibly a bit spoiled on this chapter because I did a “top five predictions” post earlier this week, and someone replied to that yesterday on Thursday saying that they were mostly correct. I don’t know exactly how close to the mark I was though, and in any case most of the predictions were just “so-and-so shows up, probably”, so it’s not too bad. we’ll see how it goes!

OH THANK GOD MY BABIES ARE SAFE

I mean, CLEARLY they’re all about to be in horrible danger, seeing as Jirou is about to inform them of the whole “THE BIG GUY EVERYONE WAS AFRAID ABOUT WAKING UP WOKE UP” thing, but in the meantime at least Kami and Toadette and Honenuki made it back to the group safely

also Kaminari’s use of “Jirou-Jack” here is fucking inspired and I want him to teach a class on nicknames. isn’t he the one who coined “Yaomomo” as well? this boy has a gift and it needs to be appreciated

so Jirou is all “SOMETHING REALLY BIG IS COMING”, and actually she says “INSANELY HUGE”, which if anything is still an understatement, hard as it is to believe

WOW

“A BAD GUY IS HEADING THIS WAY?? SOUNDS LIKE IT’S TIME TO ABANDON THE CHILDREN IN THE WOODS” kjlfakh okay you know what?? fine!! you weren’t even going to do anything anyway so let’s not pretend!!

holy shit it’s like Mt. Lady isn’t even there

look at those speed lines!! goddamn. I just felt this huge rush of empathy for Mt. Lady though. like can you imagine growing up with this super-destructive quirk, and managing to become a hero with it against all odds, and having to put up with the manga making fun of you all the time just because sometimes you have a tendency to DESTROY A LOT OF STUFF, but it’s not like you can help it!! but the upside has always been that when your quirk is on, you are fucking UNSTOPPABLE though. so even though it’s been a hell of a rough ride for you, it’s worth it because you’re a complete badass and the number of people who can beat you out in terms of sheer physical strength is probably in the single digits. and you’re working really hard too, and lately you’ve been moving up through the ranks and actually becoming a damn fine hero if I do say so myself (and I do), and it’s like, about time though?? like finally, finally it is all starting to come together for you. and then this snarling trashrock person suddenly comes stampeding along and you put your all into trying to stop him, and it doesn’t even do a damn thing. like, holy shit. that’s just not fucking fair and YOU DESERVE BETTER, MT. LADY

anyway so she’s still hanging in there for now though so let’s check in with our villain squad riding on his back

lmaooo they’re all “I don’t even understand what is going on here”

YOU GUYS, THIS IMPLIES THAT THEY WERE ALL PLUCKED OFF THE GROUND BY THE SCRUFFS OF THEIR NECKS AND THEY HAD ABSOLUTELY NO SAY IN THE MATTER OMG. like I’m picturing Spinner being held by his cape pinched in between Machia’s thumb and forefinger, and awkwardly trying to lecture him like a mom with his hands on his hips all, “BAD GIGANTOMACHIA! NO! NOOOUAGH -- !” and cutting off with a yelp as he’s dropped onto his back

and I am glad they got Toga some clothes! I like to think Gigantomachia grabbed those for her as well. so thoughtful

wow Skeptic actually wants to go back to Re-Destro??

color me legit impressed. I underestimated your loyalty my dude. and let me also just take this moment to extend my gratitude toward Horikoshi for leaving the rest of the MLA out of it because good fucking riddance to them, goodbye forever hopefully!!

I guess they’ll be needing Skeptic’s quirk down the line for some reason? maybe he is meant to be like a new, less out-of-control Twice. smdh y’all out here trying to replace your dead buddy like a pet goldfish

who is this “they” Dabi is referring to

do you mean the heroes? lol yeah I guess they’re pretty distracted by the literal fucking kaijuu you’re currently piggybacking on

SIGH

“the Jakku team must’ve made a mistake” BOY, I’LL SAY. you know what, don’t even talk to me about that yet. it’s still too fresh. suffice it to say that your suspicions are correct and things in Jakku are not very daijobu right about now

anyway here’s a closeup of this bubble person just cuz

they are everything and I want them to be my friend. also there’s a squid person a few paces behind them who can probably do anything a squid can do. or they might actually be a shark person, actually. I don’t know. either way I love them

GETEN PLEASE GO AWAY

WE ARE PHASING OUT THE MLA!! MOVING FORWARD IT’S ORIGINAL LOV ONLY!! I’M SORRY BUT YOU DIDN’T MAKE THE CUT. we already have an ice character so shoo

OH DAMN MY MAN CEMENTOSS HAS HAD ENOUGH OF HIS NONSENSE TOO AHHHH YESS

1) hey so Cementoss is legit terrifying who’d’ve thought

and 2), did Cementoss always have a mouthful of gigantic perfect teeth each the size of a slice of bread, or is this just something I’m only noticing now because I’m behind the curve. either way, let me just say sincerely, DKJDLKFJLSKJG

RE-DESTRO YOU GO AWAY TOO!!

@waywardfacegarden​ you asked the other day which are the characters I actually dislike, and this is one of them lol. he’s just a big ol’ prick, and on top of that has the audacity to not even be interesting in any way so as to balance it out. anyway so apologies to any Re-Destro stans out there but I basically spend every panel he’s in hoping that someone will punch him in the face hard enough to finally make him shut up

anyway so my man Edgeshot is here though, finally!! but of all the people for him to fight! this is a real predicament for me. the most soothing character in the series contrasted with the character who grates my nerves the most. Edgeshot’s sexy ASMR voice is gonna be drowned out by all of RD’s punching and self-important ranting in the anime and I’m lowkey devastated but I’m gonna pull myself together and read on

SPEAKING OF SELF-IMPORTANT RANTING

Edge, if you can liberate us from having to put up with his insufferable ass once and for all I will be so grateful to you. can you do this. please. for me

and it looks like some other boring MLA villains are following along behind Machia so I’m gonna need someone to kick their asses as well. please

-- YESSSSSS

okay so now I see what that comment on my prediction post was referring to lol. I did indeed have my fingers crossed that these two would show up again, and sure enough! THE GANG’S ALL HERE YAY

and Mt. Lady is being sumoed aside!

anyone want tonight’s lotto numbers. during this brief fleeting moment of having my predictions be actually credible, I would just like to say that Hagakure is the U.A. traitor. thank you and goodnight

OH NO KAMUI IS WORRIED

HE LOOKS SO PANICKED?? OUT OF THE BLUE I SHIP IT SO MUCH?? I keep forgetting they’re on the same team and stuff and wow, I need to calm down

LOL MIDNIGHT IS ALL “NO TIME FOR SHIPS!!”

I wonder if her quirk will actually be enough to take him down? this is something I’ve been itching to see for a long time, actually. just how powerful is she? we know her quirk is more effective on males than females, but is anyone actually capable of resisting it? imagine if she really did just knock Gigantomachia out after all of this buildup. that would be some god-tier shit omg, DO IT

(ETA: I am just going to assume that since Horikoshi had to go to elaborate lengths to take her out of the fight, this means that her quirk really was capable of knocking them all out. another tragic case of Too Badass For The Plot. y’all better respect Midnight.)

YESSSSSSSS

is she stripping. you know what -- don’t think about it. I won’t let you ruin this for me Horikoshi. Midnight’s gonna be a badass because the ladies are fucking ruling this arc and that’s all there is to it

NOOOOOO

DABI GET BACK HERE I JUST WANT TO TALK!!

oh thank god, she’s all right. BUT KAMUI ISN’T THOUGH DLKJSFLKSJDG??!

did Kamui Woods just... die

(ETA: okay but for real, is there an actual curse in effect on the Billboard Top Ten right now, though?? did one of them accidentally disturb the tomb of some ancient king??)

...

( ･ั﹏･ั)

oH MY GOD!?!

NOOOOOOO WHY ARE YOU SO QUICK TO SLEEP ON MAJESTIC, LET’S SEE IF THEY CAN DO IT!! GIVE US MAJESTIC GOD DAMMIT

(ETA: Horikoshi is seriously just yanking our chain at this point. when Majestic finally does show up, he or she better have the coolest fucking quirk of all time, that’s all I’m saying.)

okay how badly injured is Midnight here, though?? she just fell all that way?? DO I NEED TO BE REALLY MAD. I CAN WORK MY WAY UP TO IT PRETTY QUICKLY, JUST SAY THE WORD. I’M ALREADY HALFWAY THERE HONESTLY. WHERE’S KAMUI WOODS

!!!!!!!!!!!

AND JUST LIKE THAT MY ANGER EVAPORATES INTO THE NIGHT, YESSSSSSSSS!! MOMOOOOO

holy shit. “a quirk that can stop that thing,” she says. and goes and calls YAOYOROZU FUCKING MOMO y’all I am barely holding myself back from SCREAMING right now I...

you guys

you guys. if Midnight and Yaomomo team up to take down Gigantofuckingmachia using some sort of MOMO MADE A MACHINE TO SPREAD MIDNIGHT’S QUIRK strategy, or whatnot?? I will fucking die on the spot. you can end the manga right there. Kacchan you can keep your quirk I don’t even care

“IT MIGHT BE AGAINST THE LAW” lmaooooo insert John Mulaney “WE’RE WELL PAST THAT” gif here. holy shit. listen, that is fine. if anything it’s even better

WHAT THE FUCK

DO I NEED TO START GETTING REALLY MAD AGAIN!?!?! FUCKING WHIPLASH, IS WHAT THIS IS, BUT YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT SORT OF OVER-THE-TOP REACTION IS NEEDED HERE AND I’LL GO FOR IT

(((( ;°Д°))))

[GRABS HORIKOSHI BY THE COLLAR] listen, you. if you only just now, for the first time ever, gave us a lady hero actually mentoring another lady hero, which we have somehow NEVER HAD BEFORE in almost three hundred chapters, only for you to then KILL OFF THE MENTOR IN THE MIDDLE OF HER GODDAMN SPEECH TO THE MENTOREE, I will... there’s... I’ll... okay, listen. DON’T. THERE WILL BE A RECKONING. CAPSLOCK SUCH AS THIS WORLD HAS NEVER WITNESSED!!

ヽ(#ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ┌┛

I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO REACT TO ANYTHING IN THIS CHAPTER AND I’M LOSING MY MIND OVER IT

so the other kids are all “what the fuck” and “so Momo’s in charge??” which, YES!!! IT’S THE ONE GOOD PART ABOUT ALL THIS SO DON’T YOU DARE QUESTION IT

MOMO NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE CRIPPLED BY YOUR ANXIETY, YOU CAN DO THIS GIRL I BELIEVE IN YOU

hell, it’s not even just an “I believe in you” thing, because it’s not just belief, it’s fact. you motherfucking can do this, you are the most capable and brilliant student in 1-A, you just gotta have faith and let yourself shine!!

so now there are some more panels of Machia running and the villains and heroes fighting, blah blah blah. and Momo screwing up her face as she makes her decision...

YESSSSSSSSS

my baby girl is all grown up and TAKING THESE MOTHERFUCKIN REINS and MOMO I WILL LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR YOU JUST SAY THE WORD!!

lol she’s all “Jirou use your ears and scientifically calculate how long it’ll take him to get here”, and Jirou is all “I can literally fucking see him, he’s gonna be on top of us in like two seconds” WELL OKAY THEN

thank god there are no adult pros left to fuck this up. is that weird that this is a real and honest and completely sincere thought that just ran through my head? like, at this point if any of the adults were around I’d just be afraid of them dying honestly. but with the kids I actually feel real hope that they’re somehow gonna do this. of course it helps that unlike the adults they’re pretty safe from being killed off

also! way to represent the entirety of class 1-B there Honenuki lulz. sorry, The Rest of Class 1-B

OH MY GOD

MT. LADY I WILL LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR YOU AS WELL!! YOU HAVE MY LOVE AND FEALTY!!

I’M STANNING HER SO HARD I’M GONNA EXPLODE SOMEBODY HELP!?!

JIROU SAYS THAT MACHIA HAS SLOWED DOWN!! YOU GUYS I’M ABOUT TO GET “MT. LADY FOR PRESIDENT” TATTOOED ACROSS MY FOREHEAD

lmao at Shouji using his power of “putting some extra eyeballs on my arms” to inform everyone that Gigantomachia is Right Over There and Very Big

good job Shouji

oh my glob I have so much love for Momo right now that it can’t even fucking be contained. brb wildly flailing my hands around a little to try and release some of this excess excitement

maybe Momo can be president instead and Mt. Lady can be the vice president

NO THE CHAPTER IS ENDING I’M NOT READY

AND JUMP IS ON BREAK AGAIN NEXT WEEK TOO, FML!!

okay!!

Kaminari is so fucking brave right now I just want to crush him in a hug?! we know he’s still scared!! look at his eyes!! and he was freaking the hell out earlier too, and now the situation is much worse! but he doesn’t give a fuck because his friends need him! he is ready to be a hero, my little baby boy is all grown up and I’m so proud??

Mineta’s face in the bottom right corner is everything. I know, I know, boooo Mineta, but that’s still the best face anyone has made in the entirety of this manga

Tetsutetsu’s out here all “I humbly request to also represent class 1-B” and Momo is all “okay fine I guess we can have two of you guys”

can we all just stop for a moment to appreciate how KamiJirouMomo is alive and well. like, we had interactions between all three of them in this chapter, in all possible permutations? do you know how happy this makes me?? I am vibrating with joy??!

I really can’t stress this enough -- I have no clue at all what these little soda can things are (anesthetic, I guess??? you know, like how you sometimes buy cans of anesthetic at the supermarket?? what do you mean you don’t do that??), or what they’re gonna do with them. I have like negative clues. but DAMNED IF I GIVE ONE SINGLE FUCK. the next chapter can be them all fucking hurling them at his face for all I care. THE DETAILS OF HOW SHE KICKS HIS ASS DO NOT MATTER!! GOOD MORNING TO YAOMOMO AND YAOMOMO ONLY!! MY MOMO ACADEMIA

[maemi324]

The Love of The Mob Boss

hello there friends! here I am part two of the Mafia story. Well it’s a prequel. I wouldn’t have thought to make one if it wasn’t for @dorki-c​ so thank you! Also! I have @combat-wombatus​ and @lucyheartfilias-wife​ for taking a look at this story and editing! You can read part one here: mafia

Warnings: Kidnapping, gun violence, minor character death? i think that’s all. if anyone see’s that there needs to be another warning, please let me know and I’ll add it to the tag list.

@butterscotchbaku​ and @in-this-house-we-stan-izuku​ I hope you like part two! Enjoy!

X.X.X.X.X.X.X.X.X.X.

Today was just like any other day. The 3pm sun was shimmering without a cloud to be seen in the sky. 

You eyed your nails, hardly paying attention to the rhythmic pounding of the dryer as you perched on the washing machine. You’d left your washing until the last minute, not having much of a will to do it earlier in the week. Thankfully, this was the last load. You smiled, faintly pleased; all before mom came home too. You glanced up from your nails to the open door that lead into the garage, summer air gently rustling your skirt.

The sound of a car pulling into the driveway caught your attention, hopping off of the machine. 

It was a bit early for your mom to be home, but you didn’t think much of it. Maybe today was just well executed productivity for the both of you.

The dryer slowed to a stop, as you grabbed your basket to fill up, footsteps approaching from behind you.

“Hey mom! You’re home a bit early!” you called, fingers flying to your lips as some static from one of your socks zaps you rather harshly.

“Sorry to disappointed,” a deep voice called, “ But it’s not your mom”  “Oh, hey.”

A strange sort of disappointment flooded you; it was only your dad. He was hardly in the picture while you were growing up, though managed to stick around like some fungus even after the divorce. He usually only came over to beg your mother for some cash, just a little to get gas even, the rest was going towards rent. 

You never really stuck around long enough to see the result of whether mom did or didn’t give into him, finding more interesting topics in your books or literally anything else. 

You closed the dryer with a bump of your hip, adjusting the laundry pile so it was equally distributed within the basket.

“Don’t worry, I’m not here for the usual. Though I do need some help. Could you come shine a light? I think there’s something wrong with my car. I figured I’d stop here rather than on the road”

You sighed, but set down the basket, so much for getting all the folding done, “Yeah sure, I’ll be right there” You walk into the garage, spotting your father, dressed casually with his hands in his pockets. He had dark circles underneath his eyes and (H/C) stubble that seemed to be growing out.

He gives you an awkward smile that you pay no heed to, walking towards one of the shelves where you kept a few extra flashlights, just in case.

That was your mistake.

Calloused hands grab your arms, shifting to hold them with one hand as he drags you to the car.

“Wait- what the hell?! What are you doing- Let go of me!” Your heart was pounding in your chest, blood rushing through your ears, everything was far too loud and yet so muffled and clear. You struggled against him, kicking back against his shin, but it only gave him a better grasp on you as his left arm grabbed you around your waist, his right fiddling with some old rope he found on the ground. 

“Shh, stop fighting- Stop! This will all be so much easier if you just hold still!” he wasn’t making any sense, what would be so much easier?! You didn’t care, you didn’t want anything to do with him and whatever sick joke he was playing.

“Mom! Someone! Anyone! Help me!” you shouted in vain, the rough material of the rope burning as he pulled tight around your wrists, tossing you into the passenger side of the car, buckling you in.

“Dad, please, what are you doing?!” tears blurred your vision, fear clogging your judgement. You wriggled in your seat as he closed the car door. Getting in on his side, he buckled and backed out. 

That’s how you found yourself standing in front of a warehouse somewhere downtown a few hours later. The jab of a gun in your back reminds you to keep quiet, your fathers free hand opening the warehouse door just big enough to get you inside. 

It’s dark inside, except for the sunlight that enters through the various windows scattered about. Aside from a few various, but large, rows of crates, boxes and a stack of fold out chairs, the warehouse is empty.

A whine tears itself from your fear clogged throat, your palms becoming more clammy in the cool air. The five snaps of the fold out chairs being set up had you wincing at each sound. 

Your father gestures towards a chair with the gun, another involuntary whine escaping. You sit down in the one furthest from him, though with the gun in his hand it hardly matters. 

“Now you just take it easy,” he says, settling into one of the other chairs, “You’re gonna help your old man with something. Gonna be over before you know it alright? I promise. Just sit here and let Daddy do all the talking alright sweetie?”

Anger settled over you, arms tense as it flows through your veins; no it wasn’t alright at all! This was insane, something that would happen in a bad dream! This had to be a bad dream.

The waiver in his hand, the gun still aimed directly at you, had your dreams crushed as reality continued to play out. You could only watch him, tears streaming down your cheeks.

“You can be as mad at me as ya like, I deserve it, and you can chew me out about it once it’s done. I promise” 

Another empty promise, just like all the promises to stop gambling, like all the times he promised to stop spending so much money on...whatever it was. All lies

The door to the entrance creaked loud enough to send ice down your veins, your heart beating in a tizzy as three forms entered the room. All three were dressed nicely, suits you come to notice, as they approach. Your father quickly put the gun down, putting it away and out of sight.

The first one had a dark blue tie, pristine and perfect, taking an easy seat in front of you and your father. He took out a cigar, holding it out for the other man- red tie- to light it for him. The last to take a seat was a man with a white tie, broad shoulders set in perfect posture.

Your father bowed his head, though you kept your eyes trained on blue tie.

Smoke spills from the man's lips as he pulls them into a slightly amused grin. “So (L/N), here we meet again. So nice to see you” his grin doesn’t meet his eyes, sarcasm laced in smoke. 

“A-and y-you as well, Sir” your father pathetically stammers out, raising his head again.

“Could I hope to think that you have what you owe?” he takes a deep drag, blowing the putrid smoke towards you. You scrunch up your nose in disgust. 

“N-no sir, h-however, I have a proposition for you, if you’ll please hear me out” he quickly gets up from his chair, the henchmen watching his move like hawks. He places an unwanted hand on your shoulder.

“I’m offering you my daughter, just until I can pay you back, which will be soon. You can do whatever you want, just upon my last payment, she comes back home with me, unharmed” His eyes were wide, smile stretched wide enough to hurt.

“What?!” You whirl around towards your father as best as you could, shock settling over your form. Whatever they wanted?! That wasn’t for him to offer!

Blue tied man stood up, walking over towards you. The hand on your shoulder slipped off, though its weight almost increased in its absence. A warm finger slipped it’s way under your chin, tilting your tear stained face up towards him.

His eyes were cold, though filled with a pleased tint that turned your stomach.

More tears leaked down your cheeks and he cooed, thumb swiping over it. As he pulled his hand away from you he licked his thumb.

“I think we can work with that”

Your tears fell faster now, as hiccups left you, how could this be happening. The hand returned to your shoulder, “Don’t worry sweetie, you’ll be just fine. It’ll all be just fine, thank you so much sir-” 

Bang!

The sound echoed throughout the room, sunset light blocked by three shadows. 

In walked in a young man not much older than yourself, bright green eyes, and matching hair, steeled with determination, gun in his hand. He was dressed in a black vest, green long sleeved shirt rolled up to his elbows and dark pants. 

The second shadow belonged to a man with blonde hair and mean red eyes, a snarl on his lip as his gun aimed towards the red tied man.

The last belonged to a man with red and white hair, parted perfectly down the middle, the red side having a bright blue eye, the white having a brown one. His gun was aimed towards the white.

The blue tied man seemed surprised, blowing out another puff of smoke. He steps back from you, offering his most charming smile, “Ah, Deku and Friends. So sorry this warehouse is occupied. I’m afraid whatever business you have here is either not here, or should be dealt with elsewhere.  I’m afraid You’ve caught me right in the middle of business.”

What? That couldn’t be right...The Deku? Japan’s highest ranking mafia leader? Direct descendant of All Might?! What on Earth could he want? What sort of messed up deal did your father make?!

The other colored ties stood up from their positions, guns aimed at the newcomers. The green eyed one- Deku- stepped forward, gun held carefully in his hand.

“Actually, my business is with you, actually, with this lady here,” he stated, “She’ll be coming back with me to her mother.” His statement left no room for argument, no room for misinterpretation.

“Mom?” You turned towards them further, hope igniting in your chest for the first time in what felt like hours. He nods at you, a smile that reaches his eyes. 

“Just right outside,” he reassures. 

“With you?” Blue tie asks, eyes wide, “ What audacity you have Deku. Even amongst our kind, business doesn’t work this way-”

Bang!

With a shriek you turn your eyes away, scrunching them shut, the thud of the red tied man echoing over and over and over-

It all turns into gunshots, two more you recognize, but it feels as though they keep going, your eardrums ringing. There are hands suddenly at your shoulders, gentle and soft. You recognize them as others take off the rope at your wrists. 

You hesitantly open your eyes, immediately throwing yourself forward into your mothers arms. You sob, deep within your chest as she carefully wraps her arms around you, her whispers barely sounding through the groans of pain echoing throughout the room.

“It’s alright now, honey. It’s alright, I’m here now” She says, her own eyes watery. She pets your hair carefully, glancing up as a slightly scarred hand is placed gently on your mothers shoulder. 

Looking up, your eyes catch your hero, Deku.

“Dynamite, will you handle the rest of this? I’m going to escort Mrs.(L/N) and (Y/N) back,” He says, though whatever answer this Dynamite has is lost on you, your focus fading in and out. 

Deku beckoned the way forward with a gesture of his arm, a gentle insistence to get moving. You blinked and suddenly you were sitting in a car, buckled in next to your mother, your knuckles turning white with how hard you gripped. She made no expression of pain, only gripping your hand just as tight.

You blink again and you appear to be in a room, sitting on a soft, dull, mint green couch. The room itself is unimpressive, looking to be more like an office break room than anything, walls a soft cream color, the floors- although soft- an unimpressive soft blue. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a fridge and some counter space that had a rather large kettle and two boxes of various packets. 

Down on one knee is this Deku, eyes carefully scanning over you as his mouth moves, saying words that you’re slowly being able to process again.

“...Think she’s coming back, (Y/N)? (Y/N), can you hear me? You don’t have to say anything, just nod if you can hear me” his voice is so soft, though solid, not even a waiver to it. It’s so nice to listen to, you find yourself nodding. The smile that you are rewarded with fills your stomach with a comforting warmth.

He adjusts so he’s sitting on the coffee table, offering you a cup of what smells like warm tea.

“Careful, it’s a bit hot. Also a little on the sweet side, though sweet is good for shock, or so I hear,” he rambled, eyes widening as he nearly spilt the drink in his animated gestures. 

You outstretched your slightly shaking hands, only vaguely recognizing that there was a soft cream blanket draped over your shoulders. You carefully take the cup, Deku only letting go once he’s sure you had a good hold of it. A sip has warmth you didn’t know you were missing flood through your system, the sweet taste bringing back some awareness.

He lets you take a moment to sit back and process everything that just happened, he and your mother sipping on their own cups of tea. The shaking decreased as you sipped your tea, though you had an inkling it would be a while longer until it was completely gone. You could still feel yourself fading in and out of focus, though now, it was more like a daydream, rather than being in a completely different place at each second.

“You must have quite a few questions for me?”

“A few to say the least,” you tried a hand at humor, though it fell sort of flat, you appreciated his soft laugh. “Let’s start at the beginning, how did the two of you know where to find me?”

“I knew something had gone wrong the second i got home,” Your mother set down her now half empty cup of tea, “I found it odd that the garage door was open, clothes on the dryer, but not a single sign of you, even when I called. My worry only got worse as I found this,” she pulled a worn wallet out of her pocket, “It’s your fathers, the bastard must have dropped it. It’s a good thing he did though, it let me know he’d been there. It wasn’t much but it was something.”

You narrowed your eyes at the offending item, as if you could set it ablaze with sight alone. 

“And...where do you come in? The media might not know your face, but your title reaches far.” 

“I can answer that too; I actually used to be a part of this group, back in the day. Though that was when All Might was still running the show. Even though I retired from this life after having you, I remained in touch, checking in every now and again. I knew that Deku could help me find you, he has eyes across the entire city.”

This was so much to wrap your head around, first your father was in some dealings with this gang- the Ties you’d decided to call them- decided to try and use you to pay off the rest of his debt, but now your mom was once a part of the gang that rescued you? Was the room spinning or was it just you?

“Whoa there!” a steady hand went to your shoulder, the other gently wrapped around the hands that held your cup. Concerned green eyes meet yours. Gently, he raises your cup to your lips, your hands still firmly wrapped around the cup. "Here, maybe take another sip of this, slowly.” 

You follow his instruction, taking a deep breath, exhaling through your nose, you take a slow sip. You try and focus on the taste of the honey sweetening your tea. Instead of syrup of golden hue, your mind is trained into a lake of turquoise and teal, green bouncing off rays of light.

At your reassuring nod, he let go of your shoulder and hands. You bow your head forward, “In any event, thank you for coming to my rescue. I’m not sure how to repay you-” he holds up a hand, fear spiking your heart...oh no, was he going to do something similar like The Ties? Just up to his standards?

“No need to thank me, it wasn’t any trouble. However, we do need to talk about what happens from here. If this were any other gang, I’d say that we would escort you home and you could go on your merry way. But this isn’t just any other gang, they’re called The Royal Devils.” Huh, that was definitely a more intimidating name than The Ties for sure, “They have a way of doing business that we don’t exactly agree with here. They’re a mean bunch, and they won't like the fact that we’ve interrupted a deal, especially one to collect on a debt. Which means that they’ll be looking for not just my gang, but you too”

It was a bitter pill to swallow, a pill that rattled with dried fear and misplaced resentment. Your emotions felt like a toddler who had just had enough, the ones who screamed in the stores because everything was just too much. But you kept your cool as best as you could, screaming and crying wouldn’t help the situation. 

“So...What do we do then? It’s not like we can just crash somewhere else?” No hotel or motel could keep you safe enough, as well as both of the two being too expensive to stay extensively.

“Well, I have a few ideas, a few options if you will. You see, I’ve been working to take down The Royal Devils, and we’re really close to doing so with the intel we have. Now that we’ve caught their attention directly, it’ll be a bit harder, like i said, they’ll be coming for us.” As he spoke, Deku’s hand gestures became quicker, more animated, his gaze looking far away as he focused. 

“So the first option is to have the two of you go home..but have some of my gang keep watch over your every move, just in case the Devils decide to strike there. It would be more comfortable for you to be in a familiar place, however, It paints a bigger target and leaves some of my guys out of where I need them. I’m not just putting any old schmuck to guard you. Your second option is to stay here, at least until I run the Devils into their graves. You’d be safer here and the target remains relatively small, no one knows the location of this specific base. The choice is yours.”

You hadn’t considered the thought of staying, but if it really was the safest option- as much as you would have liked to go home…

You looked over to your mother, you could tell what her choice was.

“We’ll stay here then, just until this matter is solved.”

And so he set you and your mother up in some makeshift rooms provided by this tall young woman named Yaomomo- or that’s what Deku called her. You were given the option to have a shared room, but ultimately decided that having personal space would be good. The first night there however, your mother cuddled underneath her sheets, holding you so close you almost couldn’t breathe. You hardly minded, preferring the safety her hold brought to you.

In the days following you learned that your father had died, though at whose hands, you weren’t sure you wanted to know-wanted to care even. Half of you wanted to be sad, he was your father and apart from the kidnapping, he’d never hurt you, not even once. 

The other half of you found contentment in your rage being satisfied, justified. He’d taken you from your home and tried to use you for his own gain- he didn’t even talk to you about it! Not that you would have said yes in the first place.

You would have found a different way, maybe once your mother knew how desperate your father was, she would have helped him. That’s what you thought anyhow, a frown etched on your face as you stirred your tea.

The door behind you swings open, Deku entering into the room, despite his tall stature, he seemed hunched, his energy quiet. “I heard about what happened to your dad...How are you feeling?”

You’re surprised that he even cared to ask, and you told him as such, as well as your actual feelings. He was incredibly understanding. 

“It’s okay to feel what you're feeling, you’ve been through quite a bit. It’ll take a bit for your emotions to figure out how to settle.” You only hum in affirmation, licking the honey off your spoon. The rest of your chat was filled with mindless things, whatever you had watched on T.V. books you read; he actually gave you some of his favorites-which were wonderful to read.

Surprisingly over the next two months, your emotions seemed to settle on their own. Your mother didn’t have to cuddle you at night, your own fear of someone coming to take you dwindling by the day.

Or so you thought.

It was the start of the third month into your stay, rain pouring down and thunder rumbling through the sky. As comfortable as Deku tried to make you, it was starting to wear down on you. You couldn’t leave the base, not when they were so close to pinpointing the main base of the Devils operations, not while the closer Deku got the more frantic the Devils became. You groan in sheer boredom, the knots in your back protesting as you lean on your fists. 

But even in your boredom, your feelings had become more than just gratitude towards Deku. Aside from the gifts of books, he also spent time with you, underneath the professional exterior, Deku was honestly the sweetest goof you’d met. He often ran away with his thoughts, hands becoming so animated you often had to duck- but he was just so cute when he was excited-

Since when had you fallen so hard?

As if he had an alarm for your discomfort, there was Deku, walking into the break room, which was unofficially your space to meet and chat. As far as you knew, no one else besides the two of you ever came in. 

“Rough night?” He asked, you only laughed in response, followed by another groan. He closed the door behind him, sitting beside you. “Tell me what’s on your mind?”

“Oh,” you sigh, your shoulder touching his, “Just this entire situation. I mean, you haven’t done anything wrong, it’s just, for three months now I’ve only been here, at the base. And it’s starting to feel a little…”

“You’re starting to feel a little trapped?” 

“Yes,” you cover your face with your hands, “I just want to be able to go outside, to go out and hang out with my other friends, to see something besides these walls. I don’t want to appear ungrateful-”

“Oh hardly, It makes sense,” he places a hand in the middle of your back, rubbing firmly, but carefully, working the knots there, “I think I’d go a little stir crazy too. But I promise, we’ll be done soon. We’re in need of just one more piece of the puzzle, then we’ll be ready to go. You can talk to me about anything you know, even this. I wouldn’t be surprised if you resented me a bit for keeping you ‘locked up’ as it were.”

“Nah,” you say softly, glancing up at him, “Mom and I made our choice, we knew it’d take a while. We’re just dealing with it as we go.” He was such a pretty image, cool light coming in from the streetlamp illuminating his features in a soft glow. Your eyes lingered over his lips a bit longer than you mean to. “Thank you for the offer, I’ll keep that in mind”

You lean forward, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth, lips barely brushing. His brows shot up, surprised. Just as you began to pull a bit back, he took a chance, his lips brushing over yours ever so softly. Your heart lit up in glee; you lean forward more, your kiss no longer so soft and light.

He groans, his right hand moving to cup your jaw, the other at the small of your back, pulling your chests together until they were flush. He somehow slips his tongue in, your answering moan being swallowed by him as your hands run through his hair. Your tongues danced together, as if mapping every crevice to commit the appendage to memory.

Reluctantly, he pulls away, his freckles drowned by the pink blush on his cheeks, lips slightly damp. He presses a kiss to your lips, to your cheek and jaw, moving down towards your neck, licking at a particular spot that had your breath hitched. He nibbled softly before outright biting the area, a move that had your stomach doing flips that left a syrupy warm trail and a giggle escaping your lips.

As his nibbles and suckles became more intense, your grip on his hair tightened, your whimpers music to his ears. With one last suck he pulled away completely, taking in your image. You were now laying down on the couch with him above you, hair all mussed up and lips flushed a pretty damp color. 

He went down for another kiss, letting his weight rest on you slightly. As heavy as he was, it felt comforting to you, you could feel the beginnings of something stirring below. 

A knock at the door had jumped you out of your mood, like jumping into a pool of ice water. 

“Deku? We have some more info to relay to you”

You didn’t care to identify the voice, your disappointment evident on your face. He pressed a sweeter kiss to your lips before slowly backing off of you. 

“I’m sorry, I...I should probably-” 

You couldn’t be upset with him, not really. Not when he seemed just as disappointed as you. “No, it’s alright, it could be really important. We’ll talk later, yeah?” “Yeah, Definitely.” 

He stood up, giving you one more soft look, before exiting the room, closing the door behind him.

As much as the two of you had intended to talk the next day, it turned out that bit of information was incredibly important. For the next few days, the base had been buzzing like a bee hive, everyone working together to create the perfect plan of infiltration. 

You were so...You had thought that You’d be happy for the news, but now you were mixed. If Deku succeeded, then you had no more reason to stay, you were free to go home, to go out with friends. But it also meant that you wouldn’t be seeing Deku again. At that realization, your heart had grown heavy like stone and sunk to your stomach. 

Instead of waiting until after the take down, you asked to meet with him before he left, in the same spot you had been meeting.

You’d made two cups of tea, his just how he liked it. You nervously held onto the cup, staring into the liquid as if it had all the answers.

Not a moment later and in walked Deku, the door closing behind him. He seemed wired, energy radiating off of him as if it had nowhere else to go. But still, he kept quiet as he sat down next to you.

It was awkward, actually the first time you’d ever felt awkward around him. What were you supposed to say? ‘Hey, please don’t go after those people so we can be together, if we’re gonna be together at all?’

“Y-you know, I thought you’d be a bit more excited for today.” He broke the ice, melting it with a sip of his hot tea. 

“I did too... but then...I won’t beat around the bush, I like you, quite a bit Deku, and I really liked that we kissed. I’d like to do it again. But...when you win, we won't be able to see each other again. I really want to see you again.” Your neutral expression turned into a frown. 

Deku was quiet for only a few moments, you let the silence lay still- let him process what you’d just said. 

“I really want to see you again, too. To properly ask you out. We don’t have to stop seeing one another just because you’re leaving the base. It just means that...there will be some conditions, to keep you safe. Like being escorted home by either me or another trusted member, at least when it comes to coming to see me.”

“I can live with that,” you swear, taking his hand in yours, “ anything to see you again Deku”

He cups your jaw, bringing your foreheads to touch, “ You are just so sweet, Doll. There’s just one more thing”

“What is it?” “When we’re alone, call me Izuku. It’s only fair you know my real name.”

“Izuku,” you taste the name on your tongue, the smooth way it leaves your lips brings a satisfied smile to your face, “I like it” “And I like hearing you say it” he presses a quick kiss to your lips, “ I’ll be back soon, don’t you worry” 

It takes almost all day, but Deku wins, the last member of The Royal Devils was killed at midnight on the dot. All of their territory was now for Deku to fill. He comes home to you bloodied and bruised but alive.

After a few months, the two of you were going quite steady, having weekly date nights, going out on the town and having the time of your lives. But it wasn’t enough, you missed being able to see him as soon as you woke up.

Your mother thought you were moving a bit fast, but you couldn’t help it. You loved him, and he loved you just as much. You’d decided to move in with him.

So far you were going on two years strong, as you found yourself sat on his lap, your temple pressed against his neck as you listened to his voice rumble on towards the other members. You were hardly paying attention, far too busy reminiscing about how you ended up here.

[uhhhhyandere]

👉👈 more yandere dimitri pls,,, that last one you wrote,,,, WHEW

haha idk where this was going or like... what the plot is or even what it’s about... but i had fun HAHAHA and literally all that matters 

so here’s 8k words of purple prose and pointlessness and idk what else i love him so much... also not proofread bc I'm lazy. y’all stan a lazy ass author. 

warnings: gory, death of minor characters, kinda bloody too, injury, manipulation

”It’s stupid. I-I don’t think… I just don’t want to get my hopes up, Annie. It’s been years…” With Garreg Mach looming on the cliffside, memories began to resurface with each field and decrepit village you, Annette, and Mercedes passed. They were fields where you would train relentlessly in the early hours of the day. An excuse, you think, to see him more. Innocent enough. Who wouldn’t want to improve their skill with the future King of Faerghus? Under those very trees is where you would have clandestine meetings at the same time beginning after the celebration of your victory at the Battle of the Eagle and Lion. Undeniably, the best night of your life. 

You silently thanked Sylvain for slipping into the wine cellars and claiming you all had to finish the stolen bottles and clear the evidence. The only people still okay enough that night to do any cleaning were Mercedes and Dedue. Felix was technically okay too, but he left far before Annette was vomiting in the washroom to actually help out. 

Your drunken first kiss at your bedroom door that Dedue definitely did not see. The sober one the day after. The sneaky one after breakfast. Quick one after training. Goddess, the heavy one in the dead of night after you scurried upstairs that Sylvain and Felix one hundred percent did not overhear through the paper-thin walls of the dorms. Countless kisses under the shadow of covers, night, until the ball. If everyone and their mothers didn’t suspect something was up when you two did not even realize you were the only pair left dancing, all eyes on you, until Sylvain whistled from the crowd, well, you would be deathly concerned about them.

“But those memories are from a long time ago, Mercie.” You pulled yourself from your thoughts. “Thinking about them only hurts. This place, what’s left of it, only hurts.” Mercedes set a gentle hand on your shoulder. “You think after five whole years, it wouldn’t hurt as much, but I don’t think I’ll be okay until this war is over. Until the cause of this - of all this pain and misery - is put to rest. Back then, even if we could have died at the end of any month, I thought he was invincible. I fled Fhirdiad as soon as I heard. Like a coward.”

“You can’t honestly think that! The Empire was taking the city. If you stayed, you could have died too! Don’t think like that.” You rolled your head back to look at the dark sky. You would make it back before it starts, at the very least. 

“Everyone grieves in different ways, and it courses through us all at different paces. You have to let yourself hurt.” You shook your head, beginning to see the shadow of the village at the base of the monastery. 

“I’ve been hurting for years now. When I met up with Felix in Fraldarius territory, he told me that the distraction will get me killed. An hour later he saved my life in battle, so he's ever the same. I wonder if he decided to show today. Sylvain would inevitably follow then. I’ve always thought--hey, do you hear that?” You stopped your movements suddenly, holding your arms to stop them as well. FIghting. 

“Is it the Empire?”

“I don’t know, but we should help out anyway,” Annette replied. “Come on!” 

You expected the Empire, but you weren’t surprised when you encountered thieves attempting to saunter off with the abandoned riches of the monastery. It was just like any other weekend you were off the road of bandits with the Blue Lions to clear a path for bandits. 

Until you saw him. A ghost. As pale as one, at least. A hulking, nearly unrecognizable mass of strength shrouded in black and blue. Relentless, he tore through his path of thieves, the professor and Gilbert hot on his trail. The… professor? They were alive too? Your hand shook at your side. They’re both… okay? You swallowed. The professor always did tend to micromanage Dimitri. You realized you could not swallow with a closing throat, wobbling along with your chest. Wheezing, crying, freezing in battle. You heard Mercedes and Annette all around you behind a wall of fog. Legs shaking, you fell to the ground, hand tight to your chest. 

“Y/N, come on, get up!” It was Annette’s urging, but she stopped suddenly. Two sets of feet set up around you. A barrier to protect you as your muscles shook. Get up. You have to. Get off the ground and fight. Just as he always taught you. 

Your bow came out quick, sniping an enemy in Mercedes’ blind spot. Before you can do anything, argue it was your imagination that conjured the sound of his grunts and the blue of his eye, you had to survive to see them and keep track of Sylvain in the corner of your eye. He still tended to always look right instead of left. Were you not so shaken up, you would have reacted to seeing the rest of your old house in battle, but your mind kept filtering back. You did not see him again in battle. He and the professor were far ahead, after the familiar bandit you had dealings with from Anna, with the remaining three bandits. You, Annette, and Mercedes went to secure the area to make sure there was no bandit unaccounted for. 

Didn’t last, though, as you fell to the ground against the foundations of a destroyed house, legs outstretched and limp. With your palm being held tightly over your mouth, you squeezed your eyes tight to get any remaining liquid out.

“Y/N…” 

“H-he’s alive.” 

“We know. We saw-”

“He’s alive. I spent five years grieving for someone who was here. I-I should have known he was here. I thought about it. I thought about it, but then I second-guessed myself and said that it would only hurt more. Searching for the dead. Pining for them, but look. I-I don’t know. I don’t know if I can even face him.”

“And you don’t want to.” Felix’s voice was just as sharp as it always was. He was grimacing, pace fast as he joined the three of you. “He is not the Prince you fell in love with. He’s the boar that’s been festering underneath his polite smile” With an exhale through your nose, you looked away. Felix really could read you like a book. He scoffed. “You knew too, didn’t you? All this time. Of course. I shouldn’t have put it past you to push things under the rug as you always do.” 

“Felix…” 

“It’s true. It’s how they even got through the relationship. Not as perfect as you thought, huh?” 

“Felix, I think that’s enough.”

“No,” you interrupted. “He’s right. I knew. I was at the rebellion. I was at that battle that is ingrained into Felix’s memory. I was in the Holy Mausoleum when we found out the Flame Emperor's identity, but he never told me… I didn’t know the extent. You all knew he would hide me from all harm, including himself. Do you really think he would tell me whatever plagues him now? Though, I could take a good guess after spending a few nights in his room back then.” You swallowed, wiping away the remnants of your tears. “How bad is he?”

“A lowly beast.” 

“There you all are. Professor says to regroup. Says we have plans to discuss, if you all are interested - woah, you okay?” Sylvain scratched the back of his head. “Oh right, yeah. Well, I don’t know how long His Majesty is willing to wait. He looks pretty - uh - impatient.” You shook your head and used the wall to support you back to your feet. 

“Reunions like this are usually supposed to be happy, aren’t they? I-I’m sorry I’m ruining it on you all. I really am so relieved to see you all okay. It’s just… there’s a lot of emotion going on right now.” It was Mercedes’ hand on your back. You needn’t look to know. 

“You don’t have to face anything you aren’t ready for.”

“No, I need to see what he has become. It’s as Felix says. I can no longer ignore problems I must face. I can do it, but we still have to check the perimeter…” Sylvain shook his head. 

“Teach had Ashe and Ingrid do it right after you left.” Your professor always knew you better than you could ever know. “Well, let’s go then. Don’t want to keep them waiting on us too long.” His brown eyes came in close. “You hardly look like you’ve been crying, if that helps.”

“It doesn’t!” Annette stomped on his foot. “Y/N, it’s going to be okay. Me and Mercie are right with you!” A smile broke out on your face. Albeit sad, you nodded your head and believed her. Though you both knew, in the scheme of things, you were alone in this battle. 

“Sorry, teach. You know Felix. Walks like a grandpa.” Sylvain, as common as it is for him to be the asshole, was a kind soul. No matter how much he tried to hide it. You gifted him a small smile of thanks as he glanced back. You were in the back of the small group when you joined the semicircle surrounding Gilbert, Byleth and… and… you couldn’t do this. 

His hair has grown long and unkempt. Grease and grime painted his hair, his skin, his clothes. The armor he wore just a few shades darker than the circles under his single remaining eye but, oh, it still glittered brighter than the rainy sky. That was his eye. Though only one remained, it was his. This was your Dimitri. You clenched your teeth, for you could not cry anymore. Even if this Dimitri, from what you have heard, would not care for your tears, Dimitri five years ago would. You would stay strong for him if no one else. 

And when his eye met yours, goddess, the jolt was felt down your spine. You knew your face screamed your emotions. You were no Felix, Slyvain, or Byleth. Lips parting, your breath halted as he kept your gaze. Nothing on him reacted. Goddess, his gaze was so much more piercing. You did not dare to move.  As if you were a stranger, his eye flicked back to Gilbert as the knight continued to speak. Annette grabbed your hand from beside you and you squeezed so hard you watched her wince, yet she remained steadfast in holding yours just as tight. 

For the mornings spent under the trees in the field after training, you would not cry. Dimitri is alive. He is here. A few steps away, though miles remained in between, he was alive. Within his dead eye, people will find hope. You will find hope. You know Gilbert already has as he speaks about returning to the monastery to begin to plan for the retaliation against the Empire. You know the former Blue Lions have as well, as they follow the professor loyally back up the ruined stairs you used to trip on far too often. You wondered if Dimitri can feel your eyes on the back of his head, or if he has come to be numb to that as well. 

Annette did not let go of your hand until it was out of shock in the chapel. Its remnants littering the floors. Still, the peace of the goddess remained. Its silence was a lullaby to your worries. She, it had to be her, brought back the ones you love most. There was no other power. There couldn’t have been. Even though there was a hole where she used to stand, you thanked the rain beginning to pour in.

You would be strong for the boy Dedue would sneak you to in the dead of night. To wherever the Duscur man maybe, you would do it for him, too. 

But being brave and strong was always easy for the people in Ashe’s books. They did not hesitate through their fear. It pushed them to be the heroes they are, but you could not find that platform to jump from. A mouse approaching a wolf, a boar. You sought help from the expert himself. 

“Have you? I mean, have you tried to talk to him?” Ashe fiddled with the padding on his glove. 

“No, not yet. Felix, Ingrid, Sylvain, and Mercedes have, though. You should ask them. They can probably be more help than me.” Stepping onto the wall separating Garreg Mach from the cliff, you sat next to him, allowing your feet to dangle in the open air. 

“No, I think I need someone as scared as me. Someone who wants to be a knight from one of your books, but is the measly coward in the back used for poetic comparisons. Not that you are. I’m talking about me.” Ashe shook his head. 

“It’s only been a few days since we’ve arrived.”

“And you think I would have already sought out the man I fell in love with already? A faithful reunion. Not quite like the ones in the romances.” 

“I don’t think anything going on is anything like a book.” You furrowed your brows. “I know that’s crazy coming from me, but no book is like another. They have similarities, but they are all inherently different. This one we’re in now, this is ours. This is what people will be reading about and looking to for help. Us. No book can help us right now. I think only we can help ourselves and each other.” You kicked your heel against the wall repeatedly. It wasn’t what you wanted to hear. “You should try. If Dimitri will listen to anyone, it’s you or the professor, and they tried already.” You could feel your throat beginning to close up.

“What do I even say? What if I say the wrong thing? He’s hurt, Ashe. He always has been. I don’t want to… I can’t push him more. He’s not off the deep end yet. He can’t be. I don’t want to be the final straw. I know what I’ll say if I get too… emotional.” The man sighed, green eyes scanning the clouds. 

“Well, from my humble opinion, which you don’t have to take, is that, if what you’re saying is true, you’re hurting him by avoiding him.” He stopped fiddling with the leather. Instead, he placed his hand on your thigh. “He is, deep down, the same Dimitri we know. What if he was the same, and you were doing this?”

“That’s debating if he is the same underneath. Knights are torn, but I know he’s there. He wouldn’t so easily feed into it. I know it. It may be time and so much help, but he’s in there. This is part of him. This is not an imposter. This is just as much of him as the one we knew so well. It… has to be, because I don’t know what I’m going to do if it’s not.”

Nights seem to be falling earlier and earlier with nonstop cleaning, repairs, and supply running. Even if you wanted to, you lacked the time to seek the prince out. The greenhouse had to be fixed. The rubble had to be cleared. The holes had to be patched. Communication had to be made. Word was the Knights of Seiros would be arriving this evening. Preparations had to be made for that. How the hell did Cyril do this day-in and day-out? 

You were exhausted by the time Seteth and company arrived and set to meet in the chapel. The second time you’ve seen Dimitri since the bandits. The millionth time war efforts were to be discussed. Most of that work was carried out by Byleth and Gilbert. You only needed to follow orders, and your orders were to clean. Sorting out your emotions was just a side job.

“Y/N. Y/N. Are you listening?” Seteth’s scolding, something etched into your brain from the academy, broke you from your thoughts. However, you first regarded Dimitri, who looked at you the same as he did the first time, before having the courage to look at Seteth. 

“I-I’m sorry. Lost in my own thoughts.” 

“I asked if you have heard anything from Aegir? I know you were in contact with Ferdinand during the past five years.” Dimitri’s eye burned holes through your head. You could feel the sweat from it on your scalp. 

“Duke Aegir has been placed under house arrest, sir. Everything from their title and land has been stripped from them. I… haven’t heard anything since. It would be safe to presume that they will not be an in with the Empire.” Yours and Ferdinand’s history stretches only back to the academy; however, before you and Dimitri became official, you and he would occasionally… work some stress out. Casually. Dimitri always hated this fact, but he did his best to hide the jealousy from you.

“It’s not fair of me to judge you on what you have done in the past,” he said. “I will be more mature about my feelings.” Though the gleam in his eye now was all too familiar. 

“I see. Thank you.” Something within you kept you from meeting Dimitri’s eye. A fear he would look away, so you focused on Seteth, Gilbert, and Byleth as they discussed the steps to making Garreg Mach the Kingdom’ base. When the meeting ended, however, you did not listen to such fear. Dimitri spent his time in the chapel. The spectacle to gawk at. It was no surprise when he did not move as the rest of the group disperse, and neither did you. 

But he would not break first. Turning around, his cape followed him back towards the wreckage of where the altar used to be. You followed with steps as silent as possible. Opening your mouth to speak, you released only empty air. Inhaling, you tried once again, but a wall erected itself in your throat, cutting you off once more. 

“If you have something to say, speak.” His words, guttural, reverberated in you. Wringing your hands together, you took one last deep breath. 

“Dimitri.” 

“Do you wish to speak of the past?” His head turned, so you could only see one eye peeking from under his bangs. “The boy you loved is long dead. There is nothing here for you.” You shook your head and took an adamant step forward. 

“T-that’s not true.” A dry laugh escaped him.

“Is it not? Are you not frightened of me? Is it not why you have hidden yourself ever since you arrived? You know it as well as I.” You tapped your fingers against your thigh. You had to remain calm and patient. He was going to try to push you away, and you knew that. Do not stray from the path. 

“It was not you I was scared of, Dimitri.” Another laugh. This one wry. He turned around to face you then. You knew he had gotten bigger, stronger, but he stood so much higher than you. A power stance you would not succumb to. This is the same boy who broke a pair of scissors and was scared Mercedes would yell at him and smuggled sweets for you two to have late at night to study for your certification exams. “Do not tell me it is because you think you could have changed something. Prevented something. Nothing would have changed whether you were here in the past five years or not. Do not think so much of yourself.” 

You squared your shoulders. You did not want to take this route, but you had to provoke some type of emotion towards you. Something to tell you that you are more than the tool of war to use against Edelgard, and he had already given you a hint. 

“Then what about at that meeting, when Seteth asked me about Ferdinand? I saw the look you gave me. I’ve seen it before too. You cannot hide that.” His jaw clenched, and for a moment, you felt successful. “You can say anything you want. How I am insignificant, a tool to use, another body to die in your path to revenge, but do not-” you pointed a finger at him “-tell me what we had was nothing. I want to see what you see. I don’t want you to shut me out.” His eyes trailed down to your finger, and with an armored, gloved hand, pushed it aside. 

“So you admit it then? A tool at my disposal. To use and then break?” You shook your head, and your throat clenched once again. 

“You would add me to the list of people who already haunt you?” 

“You know nothing of the dead. Of what they say to me. There is nothing for me to be concerned about other than taking the head off of that girl’s shoulders. Should you die getting in my way, then so be it.” His lance to the heart, but you would not let the pain show. He was the same boy who broke his training lance and hit Leonie with the broken handle and fretted about it for the next month, despite the blood on his hands. You had to believe that. Latch on to that single hope. 

“You always did what you could to protect me. From Demonic Beasts, bandits, Felix’s words, but right now, I think you’re protecting me from yourself.” Metal against your neck. In a blink of an eye, his lance touches the skin. 

“Do not speak as if you know me, and do not speak anymore, or else I will slice your throat where you stand. Go away. If you return, I will not hold back, and I will use you to the bone.” A competition played out between your eyes, but, in the end, you succeeded. Walking out the monastery with a drop of blood on your neck, you did not allow any other droplets to fall until you crossed the bridge into the reception hall. 

You don’t who you cried for, or for how long until Catherine found you and guided you back to your room. Thoughts floated from Dimitri, his words, the past, to Dedue and his untimely passing and your peers that were now your enemies that Dimitri was ready to kill without hesitation and the reality of your death that could come in any battle here on forth.  

Three knocks on your door. Too hard to be Ashe’s, Mercedes’, or Annette. Not hard enough to be Felix yelling at you to train like he used to when he could find no one else. 

“Sorry. I was just passing by, and, well, wanted to check in.” The last thing you wanted Sylvain saying was that he heard your balling your eyes out. With shaky hands, you wiped your burning cheeks and unlocked the door for him to enter. “Oh, what happened? What’s that bandage from? Don’t tell me…” You motioned for the noble to come in and relocked the door. You didn’t want any more visitors. 

“Yeah, I talked to him.” 

“He hurt you?”

“I went too far. I-I shouldn’t have pushed him so deep into his emotions, presuming things he felt. It was just a scratch. I’m fine. You have the eye, Sylvain. You must have noticed the meeting.” You sat on your bed, while he spread himself on your desk chair. 

“I remember he used to come to me during those times. How he can show his love for you through other means. How he had lost you before even had a chance to try. He was so stressed, and so hopelessly into you. I thought he had it for the professor, but color me surprised when he sought me out for advice on you.” You shook your head. 

“Never should have started that with Ferdinand.” 

“Something about nobles, huh?” 

“Shut up, Sylvain. I-Look, I can’t even focus on the past right now. I use it to remind myself I’m talking to my Dimitri, and not the monster everyone fears. That, that man suffering alone in that chapel is the boy who got nervous every time we kissed, but… but it’s so hard. As soon as I saw him that day, I was shocked, overjoyed, but I knew something was wrong the same minute. He’s been alone for five years. By himself. The only people to talk to him were the dead. What kind of… I’m supposed to be the one that knows this, sees this, and helps this, but all I can do is cry in my damned room!” Sylvain was lighting fast to wrap his arms around you, and you clung on tighter to his shoulders. The sleeve of his shirt, the victim of your tears, saliva, and sobs until you had pushed your own self out of consciousness. 

When you woke the next morning, your head lied on a breathing pillow. It did not take much to recall the previous night and you let yourself relax under human contact. It was something you have missed dearly in the past five years, and you know, despite his reputation, Sylvain would never try anything with you. Your eyes, heavy still from crying so hard, lazily trailed across the room. The window Dimitri almost broke with his lance, the desk you both hunched over figuring out the mathematical side of tactics, the potted plant the professor gave you for your birthday that Dimitri also broke, but replaced with the long dead ones present. The broken locks on your door from - 

“Sylvain!” You jolted up, slapping his chest harshly. He woke with a groan while you stood and approached the door. 

“Mm, what?”

“Did you hear anything last night? Banging, or snapping, after I fell asleep?” He rubbed your pillow over his face, so you approached him, tore it from his hands, and smacked him. “Sylvain. My door is broken.” Brown eyes were wide and glowing under the sun from the window. He rushed to check out the damage. “I think I know who would have…” He met your eyes. “Which means he saw - “

“Yeah, I get it. I’m a dead man.” You shook your head. 

“Hey, hey, not yet. We could try to guess why he would come in here.” Sylvain rolled his eyes. 

“Isn’t it obvious? It isn’t to kill you. He already would have been in the chapel. Oh - we messed up. We messed up big time. I’m so sorry, Y/N.” You put your hand on his arm.

“It’s not your fault. You were here when I was sobbing. I can’t be mad at you for that. I’m mad at this whole situation. This war. Everything. You just need to avoid him at all costs. Stay with someone. Felix most likely. We could explain the situation to him, so he understands, and so he doesn’t think we… you know.”

“I get it. I get it.” 

....

“Absolutely not.” 

“Felix, it’s only until I get this sorted.” Felix groaned, tying his hair back. 

“I’m not playing babysitter, and I’m not letting you handle this on your own. You’ll get yourself killed.” You shook your head. 

“He wouldn’t kill me.”

“He actually told you he would.”

“But he wouldn’t. I trust that he wouldn’t, and if one of the two of us were to approach him, it could not be you. Out of the question. It would have to be me, and you both know that, and it has to be as soon as possible. I mean, as in-”

“Have you all seen Dimitri?” Ingrid popped around the corner. “It’s the Empire - they’re coming. Gear up and get ready. We don’t know what forces they’re bringing, but we cannot allow them to take the monastery again.” Of course, of all times. 

“We’ll worry about this later. Do not let this distract you on the battlefield. Focus on surviving and nothing else. Got it?” Felix held a finger to your face. You nodded. “Good. Come on, Sylvain. We’ll see you out there.”

Focus on surviving. You were always focused on surviving. Battle was not merely just slaying your enemies. You were the priority. Not the oncoming enemies. That fact never changed during battle. That was the first thing the professor taught you; however, his selfless behavior on the battlefield would have anyone thinking twice. When it comes to fighting with people you cared about, priority gets muddled. 

Dimitri was no longer focused on surviving. His priority was to kill, slaughter his way to Edelgard. Nothing else mattered. In this way, his fighting has improved tenfold. No reasonable person would want to confront him in physical combat, which made life harder for everybody else. Being a distance fighter, you, Ashe, Annette, and Mercedes were able to watch his back. Of course, Byleth couldn’t risk that many people micromanaging him. For strategy’s sake, it’s suicide. Mercedes was a critical healer and menace being trained a gremory. That source of power would not and could not be squandered. Ashe had worked incredibly hard to be a bow knight, and your most powerful archer can also not be used as a protector of one person. 

The job usually came down to you. Both by order of elimination and by your lack of ability to focus elsewhere. Your eyes were naturally drawn to the splattering blood and the behemoth of a man as the source. Byleth knew this just as well as you. You were the definition of predictable on the battlefield. 

But, the one thing you forgot was that, on a battlefield, nothing is predictable. To be able to predict the cavalier was able to reach you with his javelin was precautionary, week-one lessons, but, still, it sunk into your side. Unimaginable pain. The raw snap of impact. Warm blood cascading down your leg. Think… think! You had to get somewhere safe. Somewhere an imperial soldier wouldn’t finish you off. Hopefully, someone else would take care of that soldier before they reached you. 

Each inch was crippling. The gathering of bushes and trees seemed so far, and your energy was slipping exponentially fast. You’d be out from blood loss in due time. It even began to drip from your mouth and onto the already stained grass. Almost there. The moment your foot crossed the threshold to the hideaway, you went lip on your back. Smoke and flames met the already decaying sky. 

You glanced down your body. The javelin was at least a third in your body. Getting it out would just expedite the process, so you allowed yourself to lie your head back. Distant shouts and screams and metal clashing filled the air. The smell of the earth around you drowned out by the putrid scent of burning flesh. Something you never take note of while fighting for your life. 

Peace was not a word to use in these places, but you had no other one to use as you lied still. Is this what Dimitri meant? You wondered what he would think and say when he heard, or even saw, your death. Your death. Another nameless, pointless death in Edelgard’s ruthless path to her goal. You can see Mercedes and Annie crying. Maybe even Sylvain and Ingrid. Felix, perhaps, would cry, but you were sure he’d be pissed at you. And Dimitri… 

You sobbed. Perhaps you really were worthless, but you wanted to hope, to pray that he would be there each time you opened your eyes back to the gruel world around you. Each time, he wasn’t. 

Until he was. 

Blood dripped down his face, none of which was his own. It matted down his locks and dripped from each lock. Areadbhar glowed in his hand and dragged across the flattened grass and mud. The air was only able to jostle the very ends of his hair. His mouth opened, canines peeking from the corner of his lips. Leaving the smoke and fire behind him, Dimitri got larger and larger. 

Goddess, he was beautiful. Even as he stared with an empty eye down at you, you couldn’t help but gasp. An angel of death. You moved to rise, but the rip of his lance on your breast pushed you back down. His eye traversed down your figure to your wound. The weapon rose and fell with your breath. 

“Dimitri,” you breathed out. 

“I told you, did I not?” His chin rose and Areadbhar’s tip dug just a hair deeper. “Foolish Y/N. You are too weak for the thick of battle.” You squeezed your eyes shut. “But you will not die by imperial hands. I will not allow it. If you are to die, it will be by my hands.” Your fists gripped the grass. Dimitri hummed. “You won’t say that I wouldn’t? Or do you finally realize the truth?” 

“If you’re going to do it, just do it. Neither of us need this “ -you coughed -”stalling.” His elbow retracted and you winced, ready for the final blow.

“Y/N!” Sylvain. At the silence that followed, you peeked an eye open. Dimitri was focused on the source of the voice, giving you room to squiggle away until he forced the lance forward again. This time, the tip traced your left cheekbone. “Y/N!” Dimitri was daring you to speak, but, right now, you could hardly breath. 

“You said you were not scared of me, before. Are you scared now?” He paused. “You said you want to see what I see. Do you keep your word? Do you honor it?” Were you supposed to answer? Fear crippled your ability to formulate words. “You will not die yet.”  Areadbhar’s glow now dominated your left visual field. 

In a second, everything in that field went black, and you screamed. 

…

“I watched you go down,” Felix said. “You were at the higher ground, where you usually are in the midst of battle. You might as well have painted a target on your back if I can see you from across the plain, you idiot. That javelin went into your side,” amber eyes locked onto the bandages covering your side, “but I watched nothing touch your eye.” 

Thank the goddess for Manuela and Mercedes. Without an expertise in white magic, you would be long dead. By the same token, thank the goddess for Sylvain who found you bloody and passed out in the cover of the bushes and delivered you to them on horseback. 

Your fingers traced the bandages that wrapped around your head and covered your left eye. Everything to your left periphery and everything not covered by your right eye was black. It didn’t throb, didn’t hurt anymore, because there were no more nerves to send that pain to your brain. 

“What happened, Y/N?” Ingrid cut in. Her, Felix, and Annette stood around your bed in the medical bed. You shook your head. 

“I… I don’t remember. The last thing I recall is crawling towards the cover. I don’t even know if I got there.” 

“Liar.” Felix abruptly stood. “Stop defending that boar, and just say it.” Your mouth opened, but Ingrid cut him off. 

“Felix, are you saying you think Dimitri took her eye?” 

“I know it,” he snapped back. “I’m right, aren’t I, Y/N? Just say it. Say that beast took your eye while we were all distracted in battle.” Your eyes glanced to the others, unconsciously asking for help. 

“Felix, you’re adding unnecessary stress. Come on. We should give them space. We’re lucky they’re not dead” Her hand locked onto Felix’s arm. He grimaced, glaring down at you while he shook himself from her grip. 

“When will you ever start caring about yourself? There is more death than just physical.” He spit out before stomping out of the room. Ingrid sent you a sympathetic smile and followed her childhood friend out. Annette left soon as well under the excuse of giving you time to rest, but you could not rest. Dimitri’s face haunted you every time your working eye closed. Every throb was its own lance. Its own mark. 

His mark. 

You thought you were crazy the first time you reflected on why you and Dimitri’s eye total was the same as a normal human being. You thought you were insane for romanticizing it. It was terrifying. Inhumane. To you, at least, but to him, you knew, it was a mark of possession. That when people saw you, thought of you, it would always be connected to him, but it was also a threat. Not only to those who dare try to do you harm that isn’t him, but to you. I told you. This is what you get and will continue to get. 

You waited until the sun set, until the priests and priestesses would no longer be in your room to cry, so your pathetic cries of anguish would be bouncing off the walls in peace. Curling in on yourself, you buried your chin between your arms and stared into the dark room. Waiting and watching, a large silhouette emerged from the darkest corner and approached. Cold claws of his armor wiped away the tears on one cheek while simultaneously breaking the skin. You could only barely make him out through the moonlight in the open window next to you. Dimitri circled the bed, looking down at you from the side before bending down and planting his lips on your cheek. His warm tongue wiped at the newfound beads of blood, and you hissed at the contact. He separated himself just enough to look at the bandages around your eye. 

“I get it,” you said. “I get it.” 

…

Luckily (as lucky as you can get during the situation), the damage cut clean through the nerves, so all ganglion cells and connections to the optic nerve were completely severed. No nerves. No signal to the brain. No pain. Still, it would be a while before the tissue repaired and scabbed over. 

You didn’t know what to do with Dimitri, frankly. Part of you was terrified to even approach him. Another was equally as terrified, but this was out of what he would do if you were with someone else again. You were sure of the correlation between your broken door and your stolen eye. You wonder, then, what else he could have seen? Sparring with Felix or advice sessions with Ashe or… too many instances come to mind. 

Byleth pushed you to train more with your periphery severely impacted, and, when the time to march came, confined you to Garreg Mach until you were proficient enough not to get yourself killed. 

“Good,” was all Dimitri said on the matter. It wasn’t until your assault into the Empire that Byleth deemed you ready for actual battle. Up until then, you spent your time training. First, it was with the knights, until all of a sudden they no longer desired to raise arms with you. Something about the demon over your shoulder. You looked to Catherine, who glanced to the door, where a large shadow quickly disappeared. You inhaled sharply and pursued. 

“No one is willing to train with me. Do you have something to do with it?” 

“They can’t help you,” he responded. He quickly strode down familiar, overgrown paths down to the fields below until you both reached the same field he had trained with you in years ago. Dimitri spun around, raising his lance. “They don’t understand.” From your blindspot, he swung, and you barely dodged out of the way, feeling the very wind from the force. “Get up and arm yourself.” You quickly shuffled to your feet.

“Why? Aren’t you… don’t you plan to kill me, anyway?” 

“Equip yourself. I will not have filthy empire hands decide your demise, and I won’t have you staying behind on your own.” You gave up on trying to read into him. “Now, fight.” 

It was brutal. Unlike the helpful and cautious nature of his corrections and demands, you learned through mistakes. If your leg got slashed, you moved it the next time. If you were pushed and forced to one side, you adjusted your posture for the next time. Dimitri gave you no breaks, no time to tend to the cuts and bruises he gave you. There was hardly time to catch your breath before he was charging again, forcing your back against a nearby oak. He seemed to not be bothered or fatigued at any point. 

It would not be the first time your back was pinned against this very tree. Dimitri growled, his weapon lodged into the wood right behind your ear. A moment passed where it was five years ago, hands tight on your hips and heavy breaths swallowed by one another. Now, he pulled his weapon back and went in for another strike. 

“It’s dark. I think we need to go back.”

“You think they will not use the guise of darkness? That we will always fight when the sun is out? Arm yourself.” 

You limped back to Garreg Mach. The only real guide you had, with Dimitri’s brutal pace, was his footstep imprints and the sound of him pressing on. By the time you reached the gate, you nearly collapsed with Dimitri far ahead. Thank the goddess Anna was around to get help. Byleth’s dark cape flew behind them as they rushed through the market. They rushed you, as fast as you could go on weak legs, to the same bed you were confined to with your eye. Manuela dropped the elixir in her hand as you and your entourage busted through her door. 

“Goddess, what happened?! No matter. Get them inside.” 

Felix was going to kill you. 

But still, when you were able, you met Dimitri again in the same field. And again. And again. Until you were no longer on the verge of death each nightfall when you returned. Your former housemates did not hesitate to chastise you or even micromanage you, but, inevitably, they had to do their own work, and you set off. Felix gave you an innumerable amount of choice words before it seemed he gave up.

You were confident heading into the empire. No opponent you would face, close up or far, was Dimitri. They were far smaller, thinner, and weaker. You’d even say they seemed to have less physical intent to kill you compared to the blonde. You traded in your bandages to a white eyepatch similar to Dimitri’s except there was still padding for the raw skin underneath. Something that inevitably drew enemy forces towards you. 

“Y/N?” Despite the cruel, ruthless nature of battle, Ferdinand’s voice held the same noble gentleness. Your eye, wide and wild, met his. Across a stretch of corpses, the redhead stood tall, long hair matted down in the wind. You swallowed. “Y/N!” He called again, eyes wide behind you. In a split second, you turned to see an armored knight’s axe impending down on you. The next, a lance impaling them that breezed from over your shoulder. 

“You killed your own man.”

“He almost killed you.” You hurried to dislodge his weapon from the body.

“...Thank you,” you muttered, handing the lance back to him. Your eyes rose to behind his shoulder. “F-Ferdinand!” Your warning came too late. Dimitri’s blunt force knocked him to the ground. There was no warning, no room for words, before the sickening sound of death cracked in front of you. Again… and again… and again. You squeezed your eyes shut. 

“Keep your eyes open. This? Was your fault.” Blood splattered onto his pale features, adding to the pattern already decorating his skin. “Let’s go. Stay by me.” Not that you usually didn’t. Still, your legs would not move. Not with the fresh corpse between the two of you. “What?” Dimitri hissed out. “Are you upset? He was just another body in our way... unless it was something more to you?” You shook your head, taking a hold of your bow tighter. “Good. Let’s go.” Dimitri did not bother to even look back, and you… you could not even look down, and hurried to follow. 

You didn’t sleep for days. Ferdinand’s kind smile on your mind. You did not dare tell anyone of his gruesome demise. Though, looking at the detail, the monstrous nature of it, it didn’t take too much  thought to guess who was responsible for it. You couldn’t even bring yourself to celebrate Dedue’s return. The thing about him though was that he never let too many things go unnoticed. 

“How are you?” He simply asked, and you lost it. 

“-I couldn’t do anything. I-I couldn’t! Or… or I didn’t. Oh, goddess, I don’t know.” Your hands shook in front of you. “He can do what he will to me, but to others? Because of me? I… fuck. I couldn’t tell anyone. Felix and co. are already suspicious enough.” 

“I am sorry. I know those words do not mean much now, but, for what it is worth, I am.” He paused, furrowing his brows and focusing on the ground. “I-,”

“Y/N.” Dimitri hulked in the doorway. Where the hell does he come from? Dedue stood promptly. 

“Your Highness,” he greeted. Dimitri briefly regarded the Duscur man before focusing on you once again. 

“Come,” he said, and you followed, wishing Dedue a small farewell. Dimitri’s cape glided against the concrete. He led you across the bridge and into the empty echoes of the cathedral. It was far too late for any priests or students to linger. Especially with Dimitri lurking around in the late hours. “You still think about him.” 

“I still think about his death,” you carified. 

“Do not tell me you mourn for a man who was going to imprison you.” You scoffed. 

“He saved me.” 

“In order to take you back to the empire for information. Who else would he like to obtain than the one he grew feelings for? Do not be so naive to think he saved you so altruistically.” Your teeth dug into your bottom lip. 

“You don’t know that.” 

“I do. You and I both know how war works. Do you think Edelgard and her army would not use every former connection to get ahead? There is no line on the path to victory.  Being weak, showing compassion, is just how you get killed. How the enemy wins.” You shook your head. 

“You said you were going to kill me. Did you not save me for that reason? My death is the same no matter whose hands it is by. It will have the same impact. One less body between Edelgard and you.” Dimitri’s eye glanced downwards, then shot back up to meet yours with a small chuckle. 

“Are you not already dead? Have you not already succumbed to the wills of those who control your mind? Have you not already become your own form of monster?” You shook your head and took a step back.

“N-no, I’m not.” 

“You are not? You allow these cuts and bruises to litter your body. You allow your own eye to be stolen. You allow others to die. You allow all of this without consequence. You are a worse kind of monster: the one that allows another to live, to unleash without consequence. You hardly see the others anymore. You do not train with them, eat with them. They tend to your wounds and you run to get more.” Metal fingers gripped your chin and forced your head upwards. “I told you I would kill you, and I have.” 

HIs kiss was fire compared to the ice of his armor pushing against you. All-consuming, Dimitri’s lips molded to yours and his teeth pierced your skin. He licked at your lips, and you willingly opened your maw to let him in. You willingly allowed him to drown you out, to push you towards a pew and lock you between his body and the wood. He only separated to breath before digging for more, more. His tongue dragged across your own and touched upon your teeth, tasting your intricacies with increasing vigor. He inhaled every exhale you panted into his mouth. These were not the kisses Dimitri five years ago gifted you. 

“You taste the same…” he whispered. “Show yourself to me. Let us be dead together.” 

[alotsgonnachange]

Mystic Messenger Saeran’s AE Thoughts (.......And Prayers..) #Spoilerz

Hello, I just finished Saeran’s after ending and I have a lot of things to say and I am going to write it down while I'm still all keyed up about it.

First of all… Please DO NOT ask me how much money I spent to finish this as fast as I did…. I’m grown but my bank account is certainly going to have a good ole fashioned CHUCKLE at this….. It’s been a long quarantine I deserve a lil happiness as a treat methinks!

I have been playing this absolutely insane game since I think 2016? When I first started playing the deep routes had JUST come out I think? And I was just finishing up high school and am now a college grad...lmao

I’ve played all routes at least once except Jaehee but i’ve seen walkthroughs of her route (I’ve heard it makes you hate Jumin and he’s my favorite so um. hehe). V’s and Saeran’s routes I found to be so emotionally intense and just….a lot and I've been waiting a long ass god damn time for this after ending okay…. I would theorize and make up an ending in my head but i’m no writer so it was hard to figure out lol. I’m a Jumin stan mostly but I love everybody and yeah I should probably play that jumin dlc too but I need like a DAY to recover from Saeran’s AE. Enough about me HERE are my thoughts on it overall

Major Saeran AE Spoilers under da cut!

Can we please discuss V showing up to the C+R conference room with basically chloroform and made everybody Pass Out like??? I was alone in my room at like midnight just SCREAMING at my phone???? And the creepy ass CG ???? It’s like that gif of sarah paulson from ahs being like “I put arsenic in the wine….and the pasta”

Anyway I screamed at V a lot during this process!!

Loved RFA being sweet and kind to saeran (before V fucking drugged them…)

This is such common V behavior “I have to do it all myself...there’s no other way..” GIRL SHUT UPPP You do this every route....

SO many CG’s and I enjoy them a lot

Saeran’s sprite looks a little TOO crisp compared to everyone else but maybe its a glitch??? V next to him is in 480p while saeran is like 1080p

Hearing both Saeran and Saeyoung missing the other brother the whole time??? PAIN. All my homies know is PAIN

BOSS and his V for Vendetta ass guy fawkes mask??? I literally yelled “this game is TERRIBLE!!” several times at my phone

Their dad is so>??????? When he was sitting on the couch with saeyoung in that one CG while simultaneously telling him to kill himself?????????? Maybe chairman han is actually the best dad in this game somehow

When V and Rika were like we’re back together teehee teehee okay pack it up bonnie and clyde ..

When chairman han calls u and says hes jealous of u and saeran…..HUH????? I’m calling HR

When they go to the apartment and see boss and vanderwood and poor saeyoung is sitting there seeing his brother for the first time in years i wanted to D word sooooo bad like PAIN...PAIN….

Can we HAVE A DISCUSSION ABOUT JUMIN HAN BEING THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE GAME AND HE LOST EVERYTHING IN THIS AE……. he just took the blame and moved on jumin what the hell….. I love him so much r we serious? He watched his 2 closest friends betray him in the worst way and found out abt how Rika abused Saeyoung and Saeran???? I felt just AWFUL. Terrible ...Terrible….

Rika’s change in demeanor from Saeran's actual route is certainly a Choice. I find her much more bearable this time around and unfortunately i think I was too nice to her and ended up with a bad end LMFAO

I was happy to see Saeran stand up for himself and become stronger and confident. You go king!

The CG of Yoosung laying in Zen’s lap is everything to me…

HOWEVER YUP I sure did get a bad ending and I was so mad fdsafdskfdhsf ! (I would be happy to clarify how I got the good one the second time.) MAKE SURE To SAVE EARLY in days 2 and 3 bc the branches on day 4 is where the bad end will show up. For me it was the first day 4 chat and then a story mode titled “SAVIOR”.... If you see that RUN FOR THE HILLS!!

I was so mad! But I had saved in day 2 and replayed and MANAGED to get good end

I’m obsessed with everyone calling V and Rika “that psychotic couple” like…..its true its true…

No those two are so toxic… V’s route was torture watching them go on and on about the sun like yo can yall just call each other babe like normal people.

I respect straight people but not V and RIka that shit was just wrong… Straight marriage was a mistake

Oh lord i also FULLY Forgot Rika killed the twins’ mother…. Yeah that scene was um Certainly a lot but it needed to happen eventually

Like it’s good they know but damn that storyline is just so bleak

I think it was satisfying TO A DEGREE….To see Rika understand where she was wrong, why she was wrong, fess up and even APOLOGIZE! I was very surprised.

Saeran and Saeyoung are Certainly twins with the amount that those two self sacrifice in every route MY GOD…..

The scene with Jumin talking to his father and the other scene of him praying oh my god I cannot tell you how happy I was to see him begin to understand and address his own feelings in a route that was not his own. My main problem with Jumin’s route has always been the trapping MC in his penthouse aspect.. This way Jumin understands love and emotions without being overly possessive !!! YAY also loved seeing him be on good terms with his dad who was surprisingly profound

That last Story mode was Really a Lot…. and Strange things occurred which I will get into in just a minute

Jumin becoming a politician is so funny but ngl … i see it.

Yoosung going to france to study pastries ok king I see u! (it made more sense to me than the vet thing anyway)

Lastly Zen FURRY ERA

MY BEEF With the AE

I was happy with how they handled it for the most part. I think Cheritz heard our feedback about V’s after ending and was like okay….let’s try something different

HOWEVER

Saeran…. Sweet kind saeran… IS SO AFFECTIONATE HAHA….

He must have said I love you like 300 times…..very mushy gushy flowery language...and maybe that’s just his personality but for me it was like eating cake with buttercream cake. It means well, but god damn is it sugary and going to cause a stomach ache later.

He was just… SO MUCH! SO forward and ON all the time in his affections. I honestly felt kind of smothered and by day 3 and 4 I was sooooo over all the compliments… King you’ve come a very long way, but ur still putting MC on a pedestal and probably need to see a therapist.

Nextly….Rika and V….. Naw that knock out gas really ...that hurt lol. Coming from “I would do anything to protect RFA” V? Idk like…. EYE felt betrayed reading that. It was just hurtful. I can’t even imagine how the members would have felt as they were passing out. It was just so cruel. I suppose I understand why but like?? Just TERRIBLE

Them being in cahoots with the agency and the prime minister..HUH??? Also too much

V just felt so irresponsible like I do understand that he ended up in a weird web of secrets that’s hard to untangle but he’s so fucking stubborn he’s SO stubborn it makes me insane. Like sir… It seems like in other routes he wanted to try to protect Rika and the RFA.. But in this AE it seems more to me that he was like yeah i’m protecting Rika and That’s It… so fucking hurtful to me. Both of y’all apologize ESPECIALLY to the twins and Jumin..

The forgiveness thing…… Okay so I think some people will not like that Saeran decided to “forgive” the people who hurt him (Rika, V, Saejoong, his mother). I would point out that I actually think this was approached somewhat well. He says at one point that he doesn’t think they’re good or bad, just people. I think he sounded mature and like this was the way for him personally to accomplish his healing process. Would I have loved for Saeran to flip V and Rika off and kick Saejoong off a cliff? Yea I really would. But like…. If that’s what HE needs to do to heal then who am I to judge?

HOWEVER…. Everything Eye just said goes out the window when the scenes at the end with Saejoong come up… I was PERPLEXED. Like why did he HUG his deranged father who just kicked the shit out of him??? Also all the chat options that MC has with him r like blah blah you’re like this because no one loves you were so corny to me LMFAOOOO?

AND WHEN HE WAS IN THE ROOM LATER WITH SAERAN… i’m sorry but if that were me I would have called a nurse to deck his ass. Cool he turned himself in YOU SUCK SOOOO BAD AND I NEVER WANT YOU TO COME NEAR SAEYOUNG AND SAERAN AGAIN THANKS.

*scratches ass* I wish I got to see saeyoung and saeran finally sit down and have that first conversation after a long time and hug CG but the ending was fine I GUESS….. I dont care about ROMANCE I want those boys to be happy brothers together

Anyway that was really emotionally exhausting but I fr think I got it out of my system after literal years… And I can rest in peace knowing the choi twins are happy. THATS ALL I WANTED TO KNOW!!!!

[extremelyblackandwhite]

handmaid - 15

PAIRING: mob!sebastian stan x ingenue!reader

WARNINGS: age gap, sexual mentions

A/N:  hope you enjoy this chapter xxx

NEXT CHAPTER

    - I think we suffer from the same thing, then … Sir. - her lashes fluttered slowly and Sebastian wondered if time had stopped moving and she was perhaps the only person who held that control.

    - Fuck it. - his hands flew to the sides of her face, grabbing her close to him so he could connect his lips to hers. Y/N fell down onto he couch, losing balance at the sheer veracity of the kiss. He swiftly turned her around so she was laying on top of his chest. The kiss seemed endless and every time it felt like it ended, he would kiss her again some longer some shorter. Her hands slid up and down his blazer, stopping at the top so she could pull it off him and throw it somewhere in the living room.

As his hands climbed up her torso, reaching the bottom of her sweatshirt until the lift binged. Y/N’s heart stopped as she pushed him off her, eyes widening as she saw Gwen walk into the entrance followed by her newer bed acquisition. The heiress paid barely any attention to the two of them, instead grabbing her bag from the hook. 

     - Try to be back by 5, we have that cabaret meeting, remember? - Sebastian spoke up before Gwen could return to the lift. 

     - I’ve already told you that I won’t be caught dead in a cabaret. - she rolled her eyes, lowering her dark sunglasses to the bridge of her nose. - Ask Y/N to go, she probably has nothing to do. 

     - It’s not Y/N’s job to ...

     - It’s okay. - Y/N softly placed her hand on Sebastian’s shoulder, trying to diffuse the fight that was surely about to begin if he decided to speak back to Gwen. She guessed he didn’t know to what extent she always got what she wanted and so, she thought that maybe her long and thorough knowledge in avoiding blow outs with Gwen could help him. However, Sebastian calmed down due to her soft touch and not because she decided to avoid a fight. She seemed to have that effect on him. - I’ll just fill in for Gwen, I have the free night. 

    - Are we done? - she whined like a five year old before jumping back into the lift once Sebastian dismissed the situation. Once the lift doors closed and the arrows above blinked the down, Sebastian wrapped his hands around Y/N’s waist effectively pulling her from the couch onto his lap. 

    - Where were we? - he questioned, pushing the hair away from her face that had inevitably moved out of place during the heavy make out. Her cheeks heated up as she moved her head into the space between his neck and shoulder, inhaling the smell of bergamot and pepper of his cologne. Sebastian always seemed to smell good in an intoxicating way that made her want to wrap her whole being around the scent. - Cuddling works too. 

   - We can’t do this. You know we can’t do this. - there was really not much force or containment left in Y/N and characters she used to loathe for their infidelity suddenly became sympathetic in her mind. Suddenly Y/N understood Anna, Cecilia, Constance and their passions for it seemed that once your heart made a decision, your mind couldn’t really argue it. So there she was now, out of arguments, out of reasons not to be in his arms, wrapped in his aura. She had lost all the reasons. Why should she be allowed to give into her passions when Gwen herself constantly did despite her impending marriage? Why should Y/N always be in the right? Was there even something known as right or wrong or was everything shades of greyness? - One of us must have self control.

  - Well, angel ... I hope you’re not expecting me to be the prudent one because I’ve wanted you since the moment I saw you. - Y/N pulled slightly back to look at his eyes. Eyes couldn’t lie as they were the window to the soul and the soul is too pure to be filled with lies. His eyes were softened, looking at her as if he had stated the most mundane fact in the whole entire universe, as if he had told her it was rainy outside, no big deal. - Besides, what she doesn’t know won’t kill her. 

   - Maybe you’re right. Maybe we ...

   - Mr Stan? - they were removed off their daizy daydream by a voice getting closer and closer. Yet, this time, none of them were fast enough or caring enough to separate from each other and as such Amelia walked in to her employer sat against the couch with one of his employees on his lap. Y/N cowered under her gaze, swearing mentally as Sebastian got up. - Your one o’clock meeting is here. 

   - Thank you, Amelia. - he cleared his throat before turning his head ever so slightly to look at Y/N. - I’ll see you tonight, angel. 

The handmaid nodded, bitting her lip as he left before her gaze shifted to Amelia who had a slightly hidden grin in her face, something she couldn’t exactly read. Was she gonna tell Gwen about the situation she had found? Was she gonna lecture her that the position was not something she should’ve been in with a married man? 

   - I must say, Miss Y/N, you’re quite the little box of surprises. 

   - Please don’t tell Gwen. - she rushed after her into the kitchen. - I know it’s wrong but I ... I really tried. 

   - Miss Y/N, it’s not up to me to judge your choices. Besides, I’ve always thought Mr. Stan needed a softer influence to get away from whatever manners his father taught him. 

   - But it’s wrong ... I’m such a bad person. - Y/N plopped down on one of the high chairs. - How would Gwen feel if she knew?

   - Well, how would you feel if it was someone else he was engaged to and not Miss Gwen? - Y/N rubbed her neck at the question. Was she only feeling bad because she knew Gwen ever since they were children? Would she have jumped into the affair without a thought? Was she that bad of a person. - People aren’t good or bad, Miss Y/N. No one is purely good and no one is purely bad.

   - I can’t explain an affair. Why would I do this? Her family raised me and could possibly kill me. How do I thank them? I kiss her husband to be in her home. Oh god, I’m a home wrecker ...

   - Now, now, Miss Y/N. You can’t be a home wrecker if those two never really wanted to be in a relationship. You can’t destroy something that isn’t there. 

Even with that Y/N spent the rest of the day wallowing in pity over feeling rather attracted to the mob boss. How could she not feel attracted to him? Not only did he appeal to her most primitive part but also to her modern side. Being next to him meant she was constantly protected, if no one dared to shot at him no one would shot at her. On the other side, he was absolutely stunning, well built and probably the nicest man she had ever met. True, she didn’t exactly know his mob persona but she didn’t exactly knew most of other mobsters business persona. 

She tried to busy her mind by considering what to wear to a cabaret. In the first place, she didn’t even knew that cabarets existed anymore and the only place she had ever heard about a cabaret had been the musical cabaret. What did people even wore to a cabaret? With that thought in mind she opened her wardrobe looked at the various dresses Gwen had handed out to her over the years. What was suitable to wear in a cabaret even? Did you dress like if you went to a nightclub? Maybe she should dress classically. Classic dresses were the most she had on her wardrobe due to Gwen having quite a few for cocktail parties and other high class gatherings but Y/N had always had a favourite one. It was an Elia Saab dress Gwen had gotten from one of her father’s associates. It was made of a short white sheer fabric which had been embroided with white flowers. It had always been one of Y/N’s favourites growing up as it reminded her of something a princess would wear, it was magical.

She grabbed the hanger of her wardrobe, pacing over to the bigger mirror with it. Once her reflection was seen in the mirror, she placed the hanger over her shoulder, playing with the fabric as she watched it in the mirror. It looked beautiful and the mere sight of it made her forget she was about to attend a business event with the man she was absolutely smitten with.

The time seemed to speed up faster and faster as Y/N gotten ready and before she knew it, it was time to go to the cabaret. Did she know what to expect? No. Was she nervous? Yes, but not entirely for the reason you’d expect her to be. She closed the door of her bedroom, face turned to the door.

   - You better not be trying to run away. - she moved her gaze from the door, noticing Sebastian at the end of the hallway. - Because it would be a pity not to show up to that meeting without such a little pretty thing like you on my arm. 

   - Am I your accessory now? 

   - Angel, anyone standing next to your is the accessory, not the other way around.

Sebastian had always believed Y/N was probably the most beautiful woman he’d ever come to see in his whole life but the dress and jewellery always took her to a level that the mob boss didn’t think humanly possible. If he said he wasn’t rather prideful of parading her around as they walked into one of the cabarets he’d inherit from his father, he’d be lying. She still did not understand why out of all places he and his associates decided to have a meeting in a cabaret.

She was quickly introduced to most people before being sat by Sebastian’s left, a place that was usually reserved for either the wife or partner of a mob boss. Y/N had been used to setting the table back at the Forrests and that was something that had gotten engrained in her mind as Mr. Forrest took it particularly personal on keeping sitting etiquette. She wondered if Sebastian cared about it. Y/N soon realised that the meeting was about to become private as some of the associates got up. 

  - Stay here. - he mumbled against her ear. - I better not hear about you wandering around. 

  - Or what? - Sebastian was a controlling man and he was certain that Y/N’s natural born curiosity was something hard to keep in control. However, this was a mob spot and he didn’t want her wandering around. 

  - I’ll spank you, angel.

tag list: @lilya-petrichor @xoxohannahlee @irespostthingsiwanttoseelater @nikkipea @madisonpillstrom @cevans98 @thelostallycat @sideeffectsofyou @anxiousdreamersworld​ @sarge-barnes-sir @captainchrisstan @lookiamtrying

[rinharu-purple]

Relationship Goals: Ch 15

Flows of tears being wiped away by the fingertips of love- dreamless night skies full of stars - a heavy heart washed clean by the rain - hot sweat and cold droplets of water-  a simple “good night” and a “good morning” - that all too well known scent - the excruciating pain of yet another “goodbye”- a blood drenched jacket that’s long lost its owner’s warmth...Name of Faith 

Being the solidifying chapter of my Gavin stanness, chapter 15 has a very special place in my heart. On the other hand, the whole chapter is the very embodiment of “relationship goals”, ensuring that in the MLQC universe MC and Gavin’s relationship is the most harmonious, mature and loving one. The chapter is about an hour-ish long so you could guess how long this analysis will take to read but it surely will be much less than it took me writing it, I promise ;)

At the end of chapter 14 MC had to say goodbye to Kiro without knowing if he would survive the fight against tens of BS men and carry the burden of being the key individual who can put an end to the out of control EVOL outrage. She was heartbroken about Lucien’s betrayal and was worried as hell about Victor’s whereabouts. She was still struggling under the overbearing weight of having to play the role of the “Queen” all the while being one of the last remaining people who still bear to think about the whole TV- tower incident. She’s found herself doubting the meaning of her existence and couldn’t help but feel as though she wouldn’t belong there. At the beginning of Ch 15  we find an MC that hit the rock bottom and is therefore deeply depressed. This is the first time she’s shown such a distressed psyché. So this is how the chapter starts...MC wakes up in her room after being hospitalized for a while, lost in thoughts and looking for reassurance in the gingko leaf bracelet on her wrist.

To have and to hold...

While she is buried in negative thoughts Gavin shows up at her place to give her the good news that there are no more signs of EVOL fluctuations and that STF’s investigation ends as of that day. This results in a real smile blossoming on MC’s face and then her concern switches to Gavin’s well-being. This first dialogue between them is already an embodiment of the foundation of their relationship. Gavin and MC’s main concern is always the well-being of the other. Sure, Gavin and MC always put others before themselves so they both have an altruistic character, however if protecting any other person would mean their s/o getting hurt, then they prioritize each other. We get to see what it means in the second half of the chapter. MC is worried about Gavin’s injuries, Gavin is worried about MC’s emotional state, MC is worried that she makes Gavin worry about her, Gavin is worried that MC worries about him worrying about her, thus keeping her real thoughts inside- not- opening up about them to him. That’s a vicious cycle which needs to be broken and that is exactly what our best boi does by reassuring her that she doesn’t need to put up a front and that she could tell him whatever is eating at her...anytime at all. That guy is already 3 steps ahead of her when it comes to worrying so he pulls her out of her self-agonizing overthinking bubble with those simple words which work like a charm. MC feels as though her heart was slowly lifted up by two hands out of a ravine. So she finally tears down the walls surrounding her agony and lets her tears flow and Gavin wipe them away and he brings the sunshine back into her heart.

Ever since her father’s passing MC didn’t much have anyone to open up to about her most bothering concerns or a shoulder to cry on. Gavin sees this crystal clear and encourages her to tell him about it all, cry it all out and also manages to lift her spirits up. He knows instinctively what she needs at that moment. She is broken, she is lost and she is stripped of her self-worth. Gavin can relate to this state all too well, because he too has been there when his mother died. He knows that she doesn’t need any encouraging talks or sweets or a scientific explanation to her feelings. At that moment, all she needs is warmth and a safe space to process what she is going through thoroughly. Which is why Gavin simply offers her to share what’s eating at her with him and cry all she wants. He doesn’t do anything beyond that. He NEVER EVER PUSHES HER TO DO ANYTHING! He just stays by her side in silence, giving her space...a warm space and the rest unravels from itself.  GOAL #1 Find someone who can feel your troubles, address them with care and share your burden with you. Someone who gives you a safe space to feel down without feeling ashamed of yourself. Someone who makes what’s yours theirs. 

For better, for worse... 

Gavin is aware of the fact that his words can give her comfort, but he also knows that she hasn’t told him the whole story yet. She needs to feel self-worthy again and go back to her true, kind and brave self. So he arranges a Ferris wheel ride in the middle of the night to show her the bright side that she fails to see at the moment. If MC had been asleep then he would’ve just tried another night but much to his luck she was standing on her balcony, lost in her thoughts, gazing at the bracelet he gave her and confiding in it. So he sweeps her off her feet once again and takes her to the construction site. He shows her from the cabin the world she succeeded in saving and that the world which is still turning thanks to her. She is the savior and not the burden and most certainly not a burden to Gavin. Neither with her negative feelings nor with her presence. She belongs there where she is and Gavin appreciates her existence. Because she didn’t only save the world but also him, many times, she caught him while he was falling. However, MC believes that its always been Gavin who was always there to catch her from falling. Their feelings and thoughts are again mirroring each other. Both of them are invested equally in their journey together, both have saved the other. Hearing this, MC finally opens up about her true feelings and lets the tears flow, and those tears are again wiped away by Gavin. When the wheel reaches its zenith, MC and Gavin are in a tight embrace and MC is finally almost back to her usual self: “With it, he took all my tears, all the unsaid words, all my worries and regrets. At that moment, it felt like the walls around my heart had fallen, letting in countless rays of sun. All the unease, suffering, doubt, pain and hesitation just evaporated”. Once they get off the wheel and they run/fly hand in hand under the summer rain, MC feels like Gavin has always been by her side all over the past years and her heart’s worry and gloom is washed away by the rain. This is a very crucial thing for their relationship, because they were separated for six whole years and yet now MC feels like he were always by her side, watching her from afar, accompanying her in her journey. 

On a side note, Ferris wheel and the gingko bracelet have become the main symbols of their relationship. The bracelet represents their bond with each other regardless of the distance separating them and I am certain that the bracelet doesn't have any tracker on it to be honest but it helps MC to cool down when feeling upset or sad by reminding her of Gavin, her precious moments with him, his love for her, and that he will always be there for her. The Ferris wheel on the other hand is their journey. Each time they ride the Ferris wheel together their spirits are lifted up alongside with the cabin. Once it reaches its zenith they consummate their love for each other once again, no matter if it's on a date with a kiss or in CH 15 when MC tells Gavin her true feelings and Gavin addresses them directly resulting of them reciprocating their importance for each other. GOAL #2: A relationship is much like a Ferris Wheel. It goes up, it goes down, then goes up again. It's not always a bed of roses, there are many thorns during the ride. The important thing is to go through both phases hand in hand. 

This whole episode names Gavin as the source of MC’s sense of safety, courage and faith. MC feels herself the safest and most serene around him. Their night together at MC’s home is a strong evidence to this. Up to CH 15 and in the following episodes, MC has constant nightmares almost every night.  But when she sees the faint ray of light from the crack of her bedroom door, she finally enjoys a night’s sleep without nightmares or worries. Knowing that Gavin is on the other side of her door gives her the deepest sense of peace. This happens again in CH 26 btw. and I think the original idea was for them to sleep in the same bed in CH 15 but then abandoned due to obvious reasons... As far as I know Gavin is the only LI who sleeps in MC’s apartment so it shows the level of trust she has towards him. No matter what’s happening during the dates, in the mean story MC is not canonically that close with any of the guys, so it truly shows how safe she feels around Gavin, knowing that he wouldn’t overstep his boundaries. And she couldn’t be more correct, since Gavin leaves before she wakes up, making sure that none of them feel awkward in the morning and leaving the place as he found it, but not before leaving a note which gives her a reassurance that he is going to send somebody to keep an eye on her and ends with a simple “good morning”. Gavin is a very considerate guy, who doesn’t miss any hint thrown at him. After hearing MC not being able to sleep without wishing him good night, he realizes how important this simple wish is for her. So he makes sure to wish her a good morning, whether he is there to say it face to face or not. GOAL #3: Be with someone, with whom you can fell safe and be yourself around them. Someone whose presence chases your fears and nightmares away . Someone who knows what your values are and respects them.

In sickness and in health...

Not long after having a heart to heart conversation, MC and Gavin find themselves in a dispute over Perry. MC wants to stay by Perry’s side with the hopes of being able to help him but also come closer to the truth about her father. Gavin is not happy with the idea since he’s lost his EVOL and is dubious about Leto’s intentions so if any danger were to strike, he might not be able to protect MC. Despite this he agrees with MC’s wish in terms of her not putting herself in danger and that he would stay by her side. The second time the topic comes up, Gavin outright forbids her to get involved with Perry and MC in return, for the first time ever, tells him that she is going to do otherwise. This dispute arises because Gavin doesn’t tell her full story, that he’s lost his EVOL and that the STF is executing the Evolvers. MC on the other hand fails to see the situation from Gavin’s perspective or to trust him when he is so strict about keeping out of the whole ordeal. But right before they temporarily part ways she finds the courage to ask him about his worries and troubles, since she too can feel his distress, much like Gavin did hers at the beginning of the episode and offers to share his burden with him and that’s the thing. MC isn’t upset that Gavin doesn’t want her to see Perry anymore but that Gavin isn’t open with her and that he is still keeping his problems to himself. MC was hoping that he would trust her to face the truth and take on everything with him. That’s what actually hurts her the most. And Gavin is lost in this unexpected argument since he’d never had a situation like this with MC so he is torn between telling her the truth or leaving it be. Unfortunately he decides to just leave their dispute at that and leaves, not willing to have a fight with her. So they give each other the good old silence therapy for days and only after Perry reminded MC of Gavin’s good-will that she finally sends him an SMS (but only at second try, she wouldn’t send the first SMS in which she tells him that she is worried about him). Gavin is not  better either, since he is already at the hospital to check on her from afar, but is not ready to face her yet. Its a typical “earlier in the relationship dispute” so much so that MC even literally sleeps with her phone while waiting for Gavin’s text/ call/ any response at all. Even I am shocked by his level of stubbornness at this point.  The next day MC receives the bad news about Perry and leaves the hospital, letting herself get soaked in the rain. This time around without Gavin by her side, with completely different feelings, thinking that the rain can’t wash everything away. This is a pivotal realization on MC’s end, because at that very moment she realizes that Gavin was the reason of her being able to overcome her worries and face her troubles with faith and courage. Luckily for her, right when she was thinking of him, she senses his scent behind her aaaand cue “Rosy Mirror”...

Its such a lovely moment for the maturity of their relationship, despite them still getting to know each other and being the youngsters they are. So MC apologizes to him (but only going through the reasons why in her head so Gavin only hears that she is sorry) and then Gavin finally opens up, since he has realized that was the mistake on his part, not telling her about his true worries. So without further ado he tells her about his insecurities about the possibility of not being able to protect her since their downfall from the TV tower, about him losing his Evol, about following her for a while from behind without knowing what to do. And that’s pretty much all it takes for them to overcome their dispute, since it was a relatively small dispute and so MC again fells warm and dry inside, not caring about the rain. GOAL #4 There are disputes in all relationships. What’s important during those disputes is not to hurt each other’s feelings irreparably and communicate in honesty. It’s about trusting in each other’s good intentions and resolving the problem in hand with care and understanding. 

Till death do us part...

Our pair makes up and are ready for the next move but there are no happy endings in the MLQC universe...nö nö nö. Of course drama ensues as MC and Gavin find out that Perry has been kidnapped while MC’s precognitions start getting worse. But remember folks, Gav-babe is back so he calms her that as long as her precognitions are about the future, they can still change the course of events and that He trusts in her, so she also should put her trust in him too.  “That was his absolute faith in me, and his absolute reassurance for me”. We could actually roll the credits here without going further with the heart wrenching end of this chapter. 

Not long after though MC and Gavin has to face the worst of the worst...They have to witness Perry getting shot in the chest and leave him in his state, only to be greeted by the STF aiming at them by the exit of the warehouse, leading Gavin to resign from the STF. While on the run from the STF/NW, Gavin realizes that his Evol becomes extremely weak, so much so that he cannot even raise a barrier to hold back the bullets, which then results in MC getting shot on the back while trying to protect him. Not only MC’s precognition is coming true, but also Gavin is at his limit, both physically and mentally. So he is left with no choice, but to sacrifice himself and once again get separated from MC. For Gavin is Ch 15 is the worst-case scenario. The justice he has always believed in turned out to be a façade, he had to witness another child’s suffering in front of him and his raison d’être comes to the brink of losing her life because he failed to protect her. Everything that keeps him alive, everything that makes him who he is , is shattered right in front of his eyes. MC doesn’t have it any better as she can only watch as her worst nightmare comes true. The last 15-20 minutes of this chapter covers MC’s perpetual fear of being left by Gavin. She says thrice that she doesn’t want him to leave and begs him to stay (unfortunately Gavin doesn’t hear any of it). The have just built their faith in each other and yet got separated again after a brief moment of togetherness. IT becomes one of the issues that MC struggles with for at least 10 chapters, namely her fear of being left alone by Gavin.  

Here is a small comparison: All other LIs relationship with MC are doomed because of their choices: Kiro’s alternate personalities as Key (no time) and Helios (no love), Lucien’s involvement as Ares in BS or his values contradicting that of MCs, Victor’s pride and dominance as the research topic for my Phd at Boston College. Those guys actions and personalities conflicting with that of MCs are whats standing on the way of a harmonious relationship. With Gavin, these two are doomed by the seemingly endless external threats. Both Gavin and MC are constantly the main target of somebody’s plans and are under attack. Those poor babies cannot have a second of peace. As if it wasn’t enough, those parties constantly use their bond for their own means. Its Shaw using MC as a bait to provoke Gavin, its Josie telling MC that she is going to kill Gavin, its Gavin’s father using MC to convince Gavin to accept the NW plan. MC and Gavin don’t have any obstacles with regards to their own personalities or choices. They trust each other, stand by each other, understand each other’s perspective and love each other. In this chapter Elex even shows us that they could even take care of a child together for God’s sake. They...just...fit...

Unfortunately once again things unwind to their demise and Gavin, once again, has to leave MC for her sake. Before leaving her, Gavin repairs the gingko leaf bracelet brand new, so that MC can find the reassurance she seeks for on it in his absence and remind her that he will return to her side. He also leaves his jacket behind so that she can still feel his warmth. That’s his promise to her. That’s his reassurance that this is not a goodbye and that he is not ever going to leave without saying goodbye.  GOAL 5# True love is selfless, true love never dies and if two souls belong together, then nothing can keep them apart. because true love prevails. 

The chapter ends as its started. MC wakes up in her room after being hospitalized for a while, lost in her thoughts and finding reassurance in the gingko leaf bracelet on her wrist. The only difference this time around is that she wouldn’t find Gavin in her living room or hear three knocks on the door and find him standing tall in front of her... for this time around Gavin is gone...

[wherevermyway]

step out! do what you want (chapter three)

pairing: reader/bang chan side pairings: established changbin/minho, past jisung/reader (and it’s causing problems), reader/bang chan/jisung rating: explicit | 18+ warnings: oh boy here we go. angst like mad, lots of drama, more profanity, chan is possessive and jealous, arguments, smut, threesome (because I am trash), smoking (again), mention of firearms, unprotected sex, mentions of drug use, profanity, alcohol consumption, minor praise kink, lots of biting. word count: about 15,000 (!!) also posted to my AO3 here! chapter/series navigation

chapter three: one more step, i will never stop

recommended tracks: you calling my name by got7, I am you by stray kids, follow by monsta x, jungle by punchnello, absinthe by punchnello, louder than bombs by bts, veni vidi vici by zico, baby don’t like it 나쁜 짓 by nct 127, on track by stray kids, honsool by agust d, congratulations by eric nam, singularity by bts, people by agust d, 時間がない by kirinji, and 주소서 (pray) by b.a.p (I cannot get enough of this song right now). playlist can be found here!

note: jisung is so soft in this chapter. he’s one of my favourites (stan 3RACHA), so writing this chapter broke and warmed my heart a million times over. apologies for the length of this one!

disclaimer: any reference to persons in this work of fiction are purely coincidental. the characters referenced from Stray Kids are interpretations loosely based on their personalities in the group and do not represent the real people behind the personas. if this, or any of the content included in the warnings above make you uncomfortable, please stop reading now.

side note: for the love of minho’s cats, don’t mix party drugs or drugs with alcohol.

You had shown a photo of your ex, Jisung, to Christopher and Changbin, who confirmed that it was the Jisung they knew. When Christopher saw his face on your phone, his mouth turned down into a scowl, causing him to become tense and reserved. “Whatever,” he grumbled as he spun on his heel, turning to the fridge, “I’m gonna make some jigae with the stuff in the fridge. We’ll deal with this later.”

Changbin pulled his eyebrows together in confusion. He opens his mouth to speak to Christopher, but decides against it, turning to you instead. “Look, we’ll make this work. Han won’t be here for that long, just a follow-up on his task. Then he’ll be gone and we can pretend this never happened. Okay?”

You nod your head, hoping that it was going to go that smoothly. Christopher takes out some ingredients from the fridge and then pulls out some cookware with a clatter, the noises causing Minho to finally wake up.

“Aaaaahhhhhh, Binnie,” he groans loudly while stretching, catching the attention of Changbin.

“What, Min?” Changbin says with little concern in his voice, getting up and walking over towards him. He leans over the back of the couch, reaching a hand down to Minho’s hair to ruffle it around.

“Binnie, you crushed me, cuddling me too hard in your sleep last night and now I hurt,” Minho whines, grabbing Changbin’s arm and pulling the brunette down on top of him.

“What the fuck?” Changbin squeaks out, in a cute voice you weren’t aware he could make, before he topples over the back of the couch.

“Cuddle me and make it better,” Minho cries out dramatically, wrapping his arms and legs around the smaller man. Changbin tries to say something, but his voice is muffled while he’s kicking his legs up and down in the air.

Watching the two of them made you smile, happily reaching down to your cup of lukewarm coffee to take a sip. You turned your attention towards Christopher, watching him chop up some vegetables and other ingredients, prepping them and putting them all into a large pot.

“Can I help you with anything?” You ask him.

“Nah,” he shrugs your suggestion off, turning over his shoulder to smile at you, “I don’t know how to work with someone else in the kitchen, but maybe we can try something out later?”

“Yeah,” you smile back at him, “I’d like that.”

The assembly of kimchijigae doesn’t take that long. Once all of the ingredients are in the pot, Christopher calls for Changbin to help him set up the gas burner on the coffee table, while you help by getting the rice started in the rice cooker.

Within a half hour, you’re all sitting down around the table, happily eating the jigae. Changbin and Minho are talking about some story about the time they went to Daegu and the Colourful Daegu Festival was happening. They had dropped some acid and lost their minds during the parade, where there was a lot of music, dancing, and other performative arts on display.

As fun as their story sounded, Christopher looked like he wasn’t completely paying attention, his mind distant and thinking about something else. “Christopher?” You call out to him, poking him in the arm with the back end of your chopsticks.

“What?” He snaps back to reality and shakes his head. “Oh, sorry,” he apologizes, “I was just lost in thought over something. How’s the jigae?”

You smile and nod, “I’m impressed, Mr. Bang, I had no idea you could cook.” The compliment makes him smile, and he reaches out to rub his hand on your thigh in appreciation. “You’ve been telling me for two days now that you’d make me something and you finally did it. It was worth the wait.”

You’re about to bring another bite of rice to your mouth when a knocking at the door startles you. Changbin and Christopher stand up at the same time, but Changbin calmly coaxes the blond to sit back down. “It’s probably Jisung, but if it’s not,” he grabs his bag from under the table and pulls out a pistol, sheathed in a protective case, tucking it in his waistband, “I’ll handle it.” Minho stands up, a focused look on his face as he quietly walks over to sit next to you, likely to help calm you down and to protect you if need be.

Christopher reaches under the coffee table, staring at Changbin as he walks to the front door. His hand fumbles a bit until a sliding door is heard. Out of the secret compartment, he pulls a pistol that’s identical to Changbin’s and a magazine, snapping the machinery together. He puts a hand on your leg, gripping it tightly as you start to tremble in panic. “It’s alright,” he whispers to you. Changbin turns to Christopher, and they both nod.

A knock is heard at the door again, a bit more urgent this time. “Who is it?” Changbin questions coolly, putting a hand on the door and his other hand on the handle of his pistol.

“Bang-hyung?” It’s faint, but you can hear a voice come from the door. “No, wait, Seo-hyung? It’s me.” Changbin turns around, dramatically rolling his eyes in the direction of all of you, a dumbfounded look on his face. He opens the door and yells at the silver-haired man that walks in.

“Aish!” Changbin exclaims, slapping the back of the man’s head, eliciting a squeal from him. “You dumbass! I told you that you needed to text us when you show up. We thought you were a potential threat.”

Christopher exhales an irritated sigh of relief, taking his hand away from your leg before disassembling the magazine from his pistol. “Fucking moron,” he grumbles under his breath, putting the pistol and magazine back in the compartment under the table. He turns to look at you right as you spin your head around and look at the man that walks in. Your jaw drops in shock as you realize it really is Jisung.

“Sungie?” The word squeaks out from you in shock. Jisung snaps in your direction when he hears your voice, looking as if he was hallucinating the sound of you.

“Bunny?” He says your old nickname with a whine. He looks directly at you for a second before nearly running over to you, almost tripping over himself as he kneels in front of you, reaching his hands up to your face. “Oh my god, why are you here? How are you here?”

Christopher scoffs, rolling his eyes as he kicks back into his chair, arms folded, biting his lip back in anger. An air of jealousy fills the room as he watches Jisung pull you into a hug with him. “Oh my god, oh my god,” he whispers, rubbing the back of your head. “I knew there was a civilian woman here, but I had no idea it was you, baby, I’m so sorry.” His voice is so calm, so soothing, but you feel how broken his heart must be, seeing you in such a helpless situation.

It’s almost like the past year never happened, the comfort between you is so warm and familiar. It felt so good to be comforted by Jisung, but you could feel Christopher staring at both of you with fire in his eyes, like he would kill Jisung just by staring at him if he could.

“Han,” the man assertively barks, causing you both to jump. “Beijing. What happened?” His tone is curt and cold, something you hadn’t heard in him before. You had a sinking feeling in your gut that this wasn’t going to go smoothly, after all.

Jisung snaps up, bowing deeply in apology. “B-Bang-hyung,” he stutters out, “yes, my apologies. I just,” he turns to you nervously, then back to Christopher. “I’m sorry, we used to be close and to know she’s here, in danger, well-“

“I’ve got her.” Christopher cuts Jisung off, sitting forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees, “She’s not your concern right now. She’s mine.”

The way he claims you so nonchalantly makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. It was a strangely attractive thing for him to say to your ex-boyfriend, but it was also really embarrassing. Jisung had no idea that the two of you were something, so he just kind of brushes it off not really grasping the seriousness of  Christopher’s words.

“Yes, hyung, I understand,” he nods, “but, if I may, since she knows me, I’d like to-“

“Shut up, Han.” Christopher spits out, balling his fists up, slamming one of them into the arm of the chair as he cuts Jisung off again. “I don’t want to hear another goddamn word out of your mouth unless it has to do with Beijing.”

Changbin pipes up from behind the couch, “Chan,” he says with a commanding tone, putting a hand on your shoulder. “Back off. That’s an order. Jisung isn’t your enemy here, he’s your brother. Do I need to remind you of the code?” Christopher shoots a nasty glare at him, snarling his lip up in anger.

“I’m sorry,” Jisung interrupts in confusion, “Am I missing something?”

You sigh, dropping your head down to your hands to comb your fingers through your hair. “Sungie,” you say softly, looking back up at Jisung, “Chris- uh, Chan, I mean, and I are, well,” you voice trails off, not really sure what to call this thing that’s going on between the two of you.

“We’re seeing each other,” Christopher finishes your sentence for you, eyeing you before he looks back up to Jisung. “Not that it’s any of your business.”

Jisung looks at both of you a couple of times, disbelief painted on his face, before he finally settles his eyes on you. “Bunny, is this true?”

“Kind of?” You say, shrugging your shoulders. “We met each other at a party the other night and I’ve been here ever since because shit hit the fan.” Jisung’s face falls as he looks at you, realizing the implication of what you’ve done with his superior.

“Baby,” he whispers, the look of disappointment on his face causing your heart to sink down into your stomach. You shouldn’t feel bad, since it’s been a year and you separated amicably, but you always felt protective of Jisung while you were together, a feeling that clearly hasn’t disappeared from you.

“The fuck does it matter to you?” Christopher grumbles under his breath as he stands up, walking angrily over to a drawer in the kitchen. He rifles through it for a second, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. “Whatever. I’m going out on the balcony; I need a cigarette. Enjoy your fucking reunion. After I come back, I want that goddamn report on Beijing and then I want you to get the fuck out of my apartment, Han.”

Christopher pulls open the blinds in the far corner of the living room, unlocking the balcony door and flinging it open. He steps outside and rips the door closed behind him, closing it with a loud slam. You’re not sure, but you think you hear him yell “fuck” after he slams the door.

“The hell is his problem?” Minho chirps up for the first time in a while, looking up at Changbin, then back down to you. “Are you alright?” He places his hand on top of your knee, rubbing it softly with his thumb. You timidly nod your head, still in shock.

“I swear to God, that man and his issues,” Changbin grits his teeth and sighs, walking up to Jisung to squeeze his shoulder in support. “I’ll go talk to him. I’m sorry he’s taking this out on you, Jisung. You know how he gets when he’s stressed. He probably doesn’t mean any of it.”

Jisung doesn’t say anything, just nodding in response as he looks down at his feet.

“Minho,” Changbin says, making his way to the balcony door, “keep an eye on things in here. Yell if you need me.”

“I’ve got it, Binnie, don’t worry,” he says with a nod. Changbin slips through the door and you can see Christopher throw his hands up in the air as he starts to yell. His muffled voice somewhat comes through the door, but there’s no way you can possibly make out anything he’s saying.

Jisung flops down in Christopher’s seat, letting his head fall into his hands. “Bunny,” he says, not bothering to look up at you, “I can’t believe that you and Chan-hyung are…”

Minho chimes in, “Hey, maybe you two should go into the studio and talk this out? I’ll stay out here and keep an eye on things.”

It was a good idea, you had to admit. This entire situation was complicated and personal, not really something you wanted everyone to hear. It would probably make you both more comfortable if you talked about it in private, anyways. You stood up and grabbed Jisung’s hand, guiding him to the studio with you. Once inside, you closed the door softly and fumbled your fingers around on the wall for a light switch, flicking up the first one you felt.

The room illuminated, and the first thing you saw as you turned around was Jisung’s pained face. He stutters, trying to come up with something to say to you, but he just stands there, dumbfounded. You weren’t exactly sure where to begin. It was over a year since you saw him last, and all of the memories you had together were floating around in your head, not helping make the situation any easier.

“Jisung,” you open your mouth to speak, but before you can say anything else, the lean man walks up to you, pushing his body against yours so you’re forced to step back up against the wall. As soon as your back hits the wall, he reaches his hand up to just under your chin, bringing it up to his face.

“Don’t say anything, baby,” he whispers, tears glistening in his eyes, before his lips softly collide with yours. His lips have a faint taste of bubblegum, probably from his favourite chapstick, and his tongue is warm and soft against yours. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers softly in between kisses, “I never wanted to leave you. I loved you so much, and I absolutely still do.” His voice starts to crack, and you feel tears come down his cheeks as he rubs his face against yours with his sloppy, needy kisses. “I just… I couldn’t do it to you, bunny. They had connections in the industry and I needed the money. I was only going to stick around until I had enough and then stop with the criminal shit, but now I just can’t leave. They’re my family now, my brothers. They mean so much to me.”

He breaks down, his head falling on to your shoulder. Racking sobs run through him as he pulls you into a tight embrace. You try your best to soothe him, an arm wrapped around his back and one hand stroking his hair. “Sungie, baby,” you whisper into his ear, hushing him, “it’s okay, I forgive you. I promise, it’s okay.”

You both stand there for a while, letting Jisung calm down a bit thanks to your words and your soothing demeanour. After what seems like an eternity, he finally stops crying. When you’re about to pull away from each other and go back into the living room, you hear footsteps and chattering come from outside the studio.

“Where is she?” Christopher’s voice booms from the other room, loud and terse, “Where is he?”

“Goddammit, Chan,” Changbin growls after him, sighing. “We just talked about this.”

“I told them they should talk it out in private, in the studio,” Minho answers him, his voice quiet and timid. “Was that a bad idea?”

Footsteps draw closer and Christopher bursts through the door. He looks at Jisung, nuzzled up to your shoulder, eyes wide and still damp from crying. “Chan-hyung, please,” he whimpers out, cowering back into your shoulder before the blonde starts to make an advance towards him with his fist drawn back.

“Christopher!” You shout, throwing an arm up in the air and turning Jisung away from the blond, gripping him closer to your chest to shield him. “That’s enough!” Your outburst causes him to stop dead in his tracks, dropping his arm. “I will not tolerate you treating Jisung like this. Yeah, I get it, you feel threatened because we have a history, but if you so much as touch him, I will leave here and never come back. I don’t care what anyone out there does to me. I won’t stand for this.”

The two of you stare at each other for a pause pregnant with tension, Jisung gripping your shirt tightly. “Fuck,” Christopher finally sighs out, rolling his eyes as he walks over to the couch behind you. He grips his hair, looking up at the two of you. “Han,” he starts, letting himself breathe for a moment. “Jisung, I’m sorry. I’ve been nothing but an asshole to you since you showed up. Actually, since before you showed up.”

Jisung rubs his face on your shirt. He stands upright and turns to look at Christopher, still holding on to you with one hand. “Chan-hyung,” he says, looking at you, then looking back to him. “I know you’ve both been doing things, but,” he sighs, eyes drifting down to his feet, “I still love her. I wouldn’t have left her if it wasn’t for the family. Seeing her here makes me terrified for what could happen. She still means so much to me, even after all of this time.” His hand drops down from your waist, grabbing your hand and interlacing his fingers with yours.

Christopher grimaces at the sight, but chooses to let it go. “I get that,” he groans, “but you left her. It’s up to her to decide if she wants you back. Even if,” his voice trails off and he sits fully back into the couch, “even if it doesn’t involve me.”

“Haven’t you only known each other for two days?” Jisung innocently questions, hoping that the question won’t provoke a fight. “Seems a bit early to care that much?”

“Yeah,” Christopher says as he avoids eye contact with either of you, “but there’s something about her. Maybe it’s this whole situation, maybe I’m just delusional. But there’s something that makes me want to risk it for her.”

Jisung smiles, looking at you as Christopher starts talking about you. He squeezes your hand and nods his head. “I know, she’s incredible.” The way that he looks at you reminds you of the night he first told you that he loved you, with that same boyish grin on his face and excitement in his eyes.

Christopher looks up to you both, an uncomfortable, awkward look on his face. Even Jisung simply making lovey eye contact with you just hurts him. You weren’t in love with him, not even close, but you did have some feelings towards him that were starting to be impossible to ignore. Choosing between them would be hard, and you simply didn’t want to do it.

“Wait,” your eyes light up with an idea. You pull Jisung to the couch, telling him to sit at the opposite end of Christopher. You go to close the door, seeing Minho and Changbin making a pointed effort to hide their eavesdropping before the door slides closed with a click. “What if,” you say, walking back to the couch, sitting in between the two men, “I don’t have to choose between you two, at least not yet?”

Christopher squints his eyes in confusion and Jisung cocks his head to the side, not quite understanding what you mean. “You know,” you say as you grab a hand from each of them, “you just share me, until I make up my mind?”

“Share you?” Christopher is the first one to respond, sounding confused.

“Oh,” Jisung breathes out, then the realization hits him, “oh. You mean…” He looks at Christopher, then back to you. “You want me to share you with Chan-hyung? But he’s my superior, he makes all of the decisions. If he says no, then,” his voice goes from excited to a bit dejected.

“Jisung, look at me.” Christopher addresses him with a stern voice. “If it’s what she wants, it’s fine with me. I don’t know how we’ll make it work, and it already sounds weird, but I’m willing to give it a shot.”

Jisung’s eyes light up as he looks at Christopher and then looks to you, “You mean it, hyung?”

Christopher nods his head, then turns his attention to you. “I’m willing to do anything if you’ll give me a chance. You are stuck here with me for a while, yeah?”

You smile and look down at the hands you’re holding. It was a strange concept that you weren’t sure would even work, but it was something to hopefully keep the three of you somewhat happy and entertained while you were stuck here.

“Okay,” Christopher says, standing up, “I’m glad we could work this out, but we really need to talk about the Beijing deal, Jisung.” You both look up at him, noticing an awkward smile on his face. “Come on, let’s go back out there, take care of work, then we can address all of this,” he waves his hands in a broad circle around all of you, “when we’re done. Alright?”

Jisung nods his hand, squeezing your hand before he stands up. “Whatever you say, Chan-hyung.”

“Can you, like,” Christopher rubs the back of his head in embarrassment, sighing, “not call me hyung when it’s just the three of us? It’s a little weird, considering the circumstances.”

“Oh!” Jisung exclaims, “Yeah, sure thing, Chan-hy… Channie.” He corrects himself, then giggles. “That doesn’t seem right, either, does it?”

“Ugh,” Christopher groans, walking to the door, “don’t get used to it, Sungie.” He mockingly uses your nickname for Jisung and it causes the silver-haired man to visibly cringe.

“Point taken,” he says, following Christopher to the door. “C’mon, baby, let’s go.”

Jisung does an extensive job explaining just how the Beijing job went. The guys had been working on building up their relationship with the Triad since the Shanghai incident a couple years ago, and, based on what Jisung reported, it sounded like it was finally getting better. He had secured a deal for a small shipment of firearms and some party drugs like ecstasy and cocaine. The cocaine was more expensive than Changbin wanted, since it was coming from a different source this time, but he figured he could turn it at the clubs for a higher profit pretty easily.

“I’m impressed,” Changbin says, sitting forward from his spot on the couch, clasping his hands together in front of him. “I wasn’t expecting you to actually secure the whole deal, much less any part of it. For a last minute switch up, I’m glad I sent you, Jisung.”

Jisung flashes a cocky smile at Changbin, darting his eyes to you for a quick second, looking like he hoped that you were impressed, too. “Thanks. Beats getting protection money for once, but I really need to brush up on my Mandarin. I got lost in conversation a couple of times and had to try explaining stuff in Korean and English.”

“Chan can help you with that,” Changbin says, looking to the blond man with a serious look on his face, “if he’s done being an asshole to you, that is.”

“Oh, shove it,” Christopher scoffs. “Yeah, Jisung, I’ll help you before your next trip out there; it’ll probably be a while, though, since you’re gonna be out here a lot more now. I need you to cover my usual spots since I’m stuck here.”

Changbin and Minho exchange a surprised glance with each other and then look at Christopher. “What the hell happened in there?” Minho pries, “You’re calling him Jisung now? You’re not trying to tear his throat out? Are you actually being nice for once?”

Christopher glares at Minho, causing the black-haired man to gasp, then he turns to motion at you. “It’s thanks to her. She brought me to my senses, made me realize how irrational I was being. Now I’ll only get mad at the kid if he deserves it.”

“Chan-hyung,” Jisung says, the corner of his lip pulling up a bit, “thanks for offering to help me. I’ll need it.”

Christopher waves his hand dismissively in the air. “Don’t get too excited. You’re still covering my normal shit and I’m gonna work you twice as hard to pick up the slack.” Jisung lets out a whine as he’s told about his workload.

Minho snickers at the way Christopher phrases his demands, making a comment under his breath. “Yeah, I bet you’ll work him hard.”

His quip earns him a light shove from Changbin. “Alright,” the brunette says, standing up. “Since you two seem to be getting on just fine for now, Minho and I are going to go back to our place for the night. I’ve got to meet with Hyunjin tomorrow to fill him in on some things and so I can take care of the goods we’ve got coming in thanks to Jisung.”

Changbin turns to Jisung, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I’m leaving you to watch this place tonight. A couple of the newer guys in our security group, Lee and Yang, are in 3201 if shit goes down and you need backup. Chan has an arsenal hidden in the studio, so you don’t need to worry about arming yourself.” He turns to look at you, then Christopher. “We’ll be in one of our properties in Apgujeong-dong tonight, so if you need anything, call me and I’ll be here pretty quickly.”

Changbin turns back to the couch, offering a hand to Minho to help him upright, which the black-haired man happily accepts. “Don’t worry,” Minho says, looking down at you, “We’ll be back tomorrow night or Thursday morning. You haven’t seen the last of me yet. I know Binnie doesn’t like to leave Channie alone for too long.”

“Aish,” Changbin says as he elbows Minho in the side, “you make it sound like I’m obsessed with him.”

“I mean,” Minho says with a smirk as he rubs his side, “with the way that last night went and how you reacted when we listened to that recording-“

“I’m going to throw you in the river on the way out.” Changbin cuts Minho off, grumbling as he walks towards the door. “C’mon, you troublemaker. I’ll give you something to obsess over when we get home.” Minho grins, then leans down to you to give you a hug.

“I put my number in your phone last night, so if you need to bitch to anyone, I’ve got your back. I’ve also got a lot of knowledge on Chan if you need it. Put a better passcode on your phone, by the way; birthdays are too obvious,” he whispers in your ear before standing back up. “Channie, Sungie, I’ll see you soon.” His voice is light and cheerful as he says his goodbyes.

“Min,” Changbin says pointedly, adjusting some items around in his bag before motioning for him to follow, “Come on, let’s go. Seungmin isn’t gonna wait forever.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Minho says, waving at everyone as he heads towards the entrance and puts his shoes on. “Try not to kill each other while we’re away, okay?”

Christopher scoffs and waves at the guys as they walk through the door. “See ya.”

An awkward silence falls over the three of you. The couch now feels a lot more spacious now that Minho and Changbin are no longer sitting next to you. Christopher and Jisung are sitting in the chairs across from you, and all of you are trying to avoid looking at each other.

“Well,” Christopher chimes in after a minute, slapping his legs as he stands up. “I’m gonna pour myself a drink. Do you guys want something?” You look over at Jisung, who is nibbling on his bottom lip and looking at you, then look up at Christopher.

“Sure, I guess,” you say noncommittally. “I don’t want any soju or beer, though, not after last night.” The memory of you and Christopher in the studio rudely comes up and interrupts your train of thought, and a blush creeps up on your face.

“What happened last night?” Jisung innocently enquires, looking at you with a puzzled expression. “Minho-hyung brought it up too.”

Christopher clears his throat, walking over to the kitchen, reaching up to a tall shelf above the refrigerator.  “I’m gonna break into the whisky,” he says, ignoring Jisung’s question. “I’ve got some…” his voice trails off as you hear some bottles rattling around, “oh, I’ve got some sake, vodka, gin - why the fuck do I have gin? Damn you, Minho - oh, and some weird baijiu that Hyunjin brought me from Taiwan.”

Jisung pouts, visibly upset that neither of you answered his question. “Don’t you have any flavoured soju? I don’t like any of that stuff.”

“I think we drank most of it, but,” Christopher opens the fridge, humming to himself as he looks around, “Oh, yeah, we’ve got two bottles of peach and two bottles of strawberry leftover from yesterday. Which do you want? Do you want a glass?”

“Strawberry sounds good! No glass, though.” Jisung says in a happy voice, his face lighting up a bit. Christopher brings Jisung the bottle he requested, eliciting a soft, “thank you, hyung,” from the silver-haired man as he accepts it with both hands. Christopher turns back towards the kitchen, stopping in front of you.

“What do you want, baby?” Christopher asks, earning a glare from Jisung as he calls you baby, “I think you’d like the sake that I have. Want that?”

You nod your head a bit begrudgingly. “I suppose it’s different enough from soju, but I guess I’ll take the sake. Is it a nigori?”

Christopher twists his face in confusion at your question. “I don’t know,” he says with an upward inflection, walking back into the kitchen and fumbling with the bottles. “My Japanese is really bad. Is that the clear kind?”

“No,” you laugh, getting up to go assist him. “It’s cloudy. Nigori literally means murky, just so you know.”

“Oh,” he laughs, tilting the bottle to you, “I think you’ll like this one, then. I had it once in Osaka and brought a couple bottles back with me the last time I was there. It’s really good.”

“Thanks,” you say, holding the bottle. “I’m gonna need to chill it, though. You’re supposed to keep this stuff cold.”

Christopher opens up his bottle of whisky, the seal snapping loudly, grabbing a nice glass from the cupboard, He opens his freezer to put a couple of ice cubes in the glass. “Clearly, I don’t know these things,” he laughs, smiling at you for a moment longer than he should have. He sucks in air through his teeth, turning to grab a paper towel and wetting it in the sink. “Anyway, wrap it in this and stick it in the freezer for about 20 minutes. It’ll get nice and cold by then.”

You take the towel from him, wrapping it around the bottle in your hands. “That’s an odd tip,” you say, sticking the bottle in the freezer.

“Yeah, well,” Christopher grabs the bottle of whisky, and carefully pours it into his glass. “You learn a lot of weird drinking things when you’re friends with people that have the balls to buy warm beer that you wanted to drink sooner rather than later.”

Jisung lets out a giggle from the living room. “Bunny, you can share my soju with me while you wait for your sake to get cold!” You turn to him, about to tell him that you really don’t want more soju, but the way he smiles at you convinces you that one glass wouldn’t kill you.

“Fine,” you grumble, grabbing a sake cup from the cupboard, dramatically groaning as you walk back to the living room, shuffling your feet the entire way. “I really don’t want more of this flavoured stuff for a while, but I’ll drink a cup just for you, Sungie.”

He excitedly claps his hands once, shaking the bottle a couple of times before opening it. “Bunny, baby, here,” he motions for you to bring your cup to the table, “I’ll pour it for you, okay?” That’s exactly what he does, getting down on to the floor and getting really close to the cup. He sticks his tongue out of the corner of his face, squinting with determination as he fills your cup. “There! Now you’ve got a drink.”

The way he smiles at you warms your heart as he takes a quick drink from the bottle, then screws the lid back on his soju. You instinctively reach out to rub his face, letting your thumb slowly stroke his cheek. “Thank you, Sungie.”

Jisung is about to say something, but Christopher unceremoniously flops down on the floor to your right, sitting very closely to you. “Well,” he says, taking a sip of his drink, “aren’t you two cute? I can’t say I expected this from you, Sung. You never gave off those vibes.” You turn your head to look at him, expecting him to be angry, but he surprisingly doesn’t seem like it.

Christopher leans into your space, reaching a hand up to your face, and pulling it close to his. The sharp, sweet aroma of his whisky faintly floats up to you as he looks at your lips, then looks up at you with a look that screams desire. He gets closer, then softly kisses your lips. It’s not quite as passionate as the kisses he’s given you over the past couple of days, but it’s still loving and sweet.

He pulls away, looking at you, then looking at Jisung. “I can be cute, too.”

You feel your face warm, and you turn to Jisung to see if he’s angry. He has a determined look on his face as he stares at Christopher. His hand sneaks up to your neck, pulling you close to him, and he grips your face with his other hand, giving you a needy look. “I’m not always that cute,” he says with a low voice, flicking his eyes at Christopher before pulling you into a deep, passionate kiss. As his tongue demands entrance into your mouth, the artificial flavour of strawberry is strong and briefly overwhelms your senses. His fingers dig into your skin gently, and you feel your heart skip a beat as he pulls away from you, breaking the kiss.

Jisung looks at you, proudly smiling and licking his lips. His eyes slowly roll over towards Christopher and he gives the blond a taunting smirk. Your mind is starting to spin, all of the attention from both men causing you to feel a bit overwhelmed in the best possible way.

“If that’s how it’s going to be,” Christopher says coolly before crawling over your lap, straddling you and grabbing the back of your neck, “I’m going to win this game.” He eases you down on to the floor, the cool panelling giving you a slight chill. He presses his lips to your neck, kissing you all over, occasionally giving you quick nibbles to make you squeal.

You down look at him exploring your neck and kissing you, then you look at Jisung. The expression on his face registers as jealous, but also intrigued and aroused. His bottom lip is sucked in under his teeth, and his eyes are half-open, staring down at you. “Chan,” he breathes out, crawling closer to both of you.

Christopher breaks away from you with a groan of irritation, turning to look at Jisung. “What? Why are you interrupting this?”

“She likes her collarbone marked up,” is what unexpectedly comes from Jisung. You were expecting him to be angry, but he looked like he was enjoying this. “She loves to be bruised, but only where I - er, we, can see it.”

The two men exchange glances, almost as if they were coming to a mutual conclusion, then turn to look at you with a devious intent in their eyes. “Wait, wait, wait,” you say, sitting up on to your elbows. “As much as I love this, I don’t wanna do this on the floor; it’s cold and uncomfortable. Can we save whatever this competition is between you for the bedroom?”

“Oh,” Christopher snaps out of it and sits back on his heels, moving his hand down to your thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think that this spot would be uncomfortable for you.”

Jisung puts a hand on your other thigh, smiling at you. “Yeah, sorry, we got a little excited, didn’t we, Chan?”

“I’m never going to get used to you not calling me hyung,” Christopher groans, moving back to his previous spot, taking a short sip from his drink and pulling his phone out of his back pocket. “I think we should eat something beforehand, too. It’s been a long time since lunch, yeah?”

It didn’t register to you until now, but you were starting to feel hungry. Jisung’s arrival did interrupt your meal earlier, after all. “Yeah, I could use something right now,” you say, subconsciously running your fingers over your stomach. “What are we going to eat, though? It’s not like we can go anywhere.”

“We can’t, sure,” Christopher says, scrolling through his phone. “But we can order something to be delivered to the lobby and have little Sungie be a good boy and fetch it for us.”

The way that Christopher talks about Jisung makes him blush awkwardly. He fidgets with the hand on your thigh, and you can’t help but giggle uncontrollably. “Bunny!” He whines softly, shaking your thigh with his hand.

“What?” Christopher looks up at you both with confusion. “Was it something I said?”

“Sungie,” you say between giggles, “he likes to be called a good boy by me. I wasn’t expecting a reaction out of him from you saying that, though.”

“Oh my god!” He shouts and playfully shoves you, a bright pink tinting his face in embarrassment. “I can’t believe you’d tell Chan-hyung something like that.” His arms fold in front of his chest and he frowns.

“I,” Christopher shakes his head in confusion, “What? What’s so weird about being called a good boy?”

“Aah!” Jisung groans, bringing his hands to his face and falling to the floor dramatically. “Hyung, please stop, it’s killing me.”

You can’t contain the full-blown laughter coming from you. There was always something you enjoyed about making Jisung squirm. He was always so cute and adorable when it was just the two of you. To see him react like this made you more confident that he was becoming more vulnerable with Christopher.

It takes you a minute to stop laughing so hard, but you do recover, sitting back up to wipe the corners of your eyes. Jisung is still curled up on the floor in embarrassment, and poor Christopher looks like he finally understands, just suffering from secondhand embarrassment for the man on the floor.

“Duly noted,” Christopher says, looking back down to his phone with a slight blush on his face, “a-anyway, what should we have for dinner? There’s a decent sushi nearby place that delivers.”

As you’re about to mention that it sounded good, a thought crosses your mind. “Wait,” you say, looking at Christopher with concern. “What if they can trace your location? You know, giving your name and phone number to this place.”

Jisung sits up with a groan. “It’s fine,” he grumbles, “we never use our real names or phone numbers for any of these things. We use burner numbers, and we almost always pay in cash, but we do have credit cards and IDs in fake names, just in case.”

Christopher hums in agreement. “Jisung, you’ve learned quickly. He’s right, though. We’re very cautious about our existence around people we don’t know.”

Jisung cocks his eyebrow and tilts his head, “Yeah, unless it’s an attractive girl at a house party.” This quip earns Jisung a middle finger from Christopher.

“If Changbin was here, I’d make you go out and pick this up instead,” he grumbles, looking back down to his phone, “I’m gonna order from this place. What do you want?”

Eventually, you sort out an order you all can agree on. Christopher places the order, and you grab your sake from the freezer. His trick was miraculous - it was cold, but not frozen. The paper towel came right off without ruining the label, too, which was an added bonus. You gently shake the bottle as you walk back to the table, pouring some of the sake into the cup you used earlier for Jisung’s soju.

“How did you two meet, anyways?” Christopher asks Jisung as you sit down. The question freezes you in place for a second, a bit embarrassed at the memory. Jisung and Christopher look at you as you shake yourself out of your stupor. “What?”

Jisung smiles, despite your discomfort, “I think she has a type. We met at a club, she was drunk and we were both lonely. I told her I made music, and she practically begged me to take her back to my place so she could listen to some of the stuff I made.”

You groan, and drink the entire cup of sake you poured in one sitting, even though you had intended to slowly sip on it. As you slam the cup back on the table, you notice Christopher is staring at you with a very amused smile on his face. “So, musicians, eh?” He quips, and it causes you to grumble. Your head falls to the table in frustration.

“Needless to say,” Jisung continues, “we didn’t even get close to hearing some of my music. She was on top of me, literally, as soon as we got back to my tiny apartment and the rest was history. We were both pretty hungover the next day, so we stayed in bed, messed around a bit, and ate really bad takeout while watching some bad dramas. If she didn’t stick around for that, we probably never would have ended up together.”

Christopher snickers, rubbing his hand on your back. “Seems reasonable. I can see how that would happen.”

You sit back up and pout at both of the men. “You two are just as bad, taking home a girl you barely know at a party or a club.” The three of you share a nice laugh as Christopher’s phone pings.

“Ah, wow, that was fast,” he looks up to Jisung, then back down to his phone, “that’s your cue. The concierge downstairs just texted me, and delivery guy is asking for, ah, what was the name I gave,” he scrolls on his phone for a second, “looks like you’re Kim Jihoon today.”

Jisung stands up and stretches, and Christopher gets up, walking to the kitchen to rifle through a drawer. “Jihoon doesn’t really suit me, does it?” He looks down at you and smiles, bending down to give the top of your head a quick peck.

“Here,” Christopher says from the kitchen, not looking up. He puts some bills on the countertop and shuffles some things around in the drawer before closing it. “Should be plenty to cover the bill. Tell the concierge that you’re in room 3201. He’s one of us, but it’s enough to throw off the deliverer, just in case.”

“Alright,” Jisung says as he walks to the entryway, grabbing the money on the counter on the way. “Kim Jihoon, at your service.” He sarcastically salutes before taking a mask out from his pocket, pulling it over his ears as he slips his feet into his shoes. “I’ll be back in a bit,” he says before exiting the apartment.

Christopher sits down right next to you, placing a hand on the back of your neck. “I’m going to be honest,” he says as you look at him, “this is still a little weird, but I can see that Jisung really does care about you.”

You try look down at your feet, but Christopher puts a finger under your chin, tilting it up so you look at him again. “I didn’t say it was bad, so please don’t look away from me. I told you, I’m willing to give this a shot for you. We just might have some awkward bumps along the way.” You nod, giving him a soft smile. “The way he kisses you, though. Wow, that was both fun and frustrating to watch. It made me want you more, which I didn’t think was even possible.”

“Really?” A giggle escapes from you. “You two looked like you were enjoying fighting over me.”

“Yeah,” Christopher laughs nervously, “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious to see what he’s like with you in bed.”

The thought of both men in bed with you caused your heart to flutter with excitement. The duality of them was enough to give you whiplash: Christopher was on the more aggressive side, from what you could tell, and Jisung was generally the complete opposite. He usually preferred it when you took control, being warm and comforting, but he had moments where he was the exact opposite, enjoying making you beg for any sort of sexual gratification.

“What’s up?” Christopher says, rubbing his thumb on your chin.

“Oh,” you say, snapping out of your thoughts. “I was just thinking it’s going to be interesting having you both at the same time. You’re both really different, that’s all.”

A curious look comes up on Christopher’s face with your response. He’s about to open his mouth to say something, but his phone beeps with a notification tone. “Ah,” he grumbles, reaching for his phone on the table, “that’s probably Jisung.” He scans his text message and stands up. “Yeah, it is. The fuck? What’s with all of the star emojis?”

“It’s something he does, especially when he’s been drinking,” you say with a laugh, “you’ll get used to it.”

Christopher shoots you a look of doubt before walking to the entrance. He opens the door, and Jisung walks in with a couple of paper bags. Christopher grabs the bags from Jisung, allowing him to come in and take his shoes off. “Thanks, Chan-hyung,” Jisung says, pulling his mask off and shoving it back into his pocket.

As Jisung is slipping his shoes off, Christopher walks back towards the living room, setting the bags down on the table. “Watch this,” he quietly mouths to you, before turning back to face Jisung. The silver-haired man stands up and starts walking over to you. You can see a wide grin from the side of Christopher’s face as he opens his mouth to speak. “Wasn’t little Sungie such a good boy, grabbing all of that for us?”

You stifle a laugh, eyes growing wide as you clasp your hands to cover your mouth. Jisung stops dead in his tracks and instantly turns bright red with embarrassment. He locks eyes with Christopher, a look of shock and disbelief on his face as his eyes widen. Christopher can’t take it, doubling over and cackling with enjoyment.

“I’m so sorry, Sungie,” you say between laughs, “I had no idea he was going to pull that on you.” Jisung looks at you and pouts, shuffling his feet towards the living room.

“Baby,” he whines as he flops down on the floor dramatically. “You know what that does to me.” His voice is in that whiny, needy tone that you loved to hear from him when you were together before. It’s the voice that told you that you could get away with nearly anything.

“Oh my god,” Christopher says, catching his breath and taking a seat on the floor. “I’m sorry, it was just so fun the first time. I had to try it out again just to see what you would do.”

Jisung sits upright, his face serious. “It’s weird when you do it!” He cries out, his brows furrowed. “It’s fine when she does it because I love it when she does that, it makes me all excited. When you do it, it’s just weird!”

Christopher looks at you, cocks an eyebrow, then looks back at Jisung. “Why’s it weird when I do it to you?”

If it were possible for Jisung’s face to turn a deeper shade of red, it was happening. His eyes nervously dart around, settling on the floor as he shrinks into himself a bit. “I like it,” he mumbles, barely audible enough for you to catch it.

“What was that?” Christopher prods, unsure if he heard the younger man correctly.

“I like when you do it, too!” He shouts in frustration. “It’s weird, because you’re my hyung and I don’t see you like that. But this whole situation is weird and I don’t know what to do about it.” Jisung did seem honestly flustered, but not quite upset.

“Sungie,” you say, softly, before you scoot close to him. He looks up at you and pouts, but you just grab his face and pull him into a gentle kiss. “It’s okay, baby, we’ll make sense of it as we go, okay?”

Jisung perks back up at your words, giving you a soft smile. “Okay, bunny, that’s fine with me.”

Christopher clears his throat and opens the bags up. “I think it’s time for food, yeah? I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.” Jisung nods and grabs some things from the bags, helping set everything out on the table.

All three of you get through the dishes you ordered, it seeming to be just the right amount of food. After a couple of drinks, the three of you are laughing around the table and are enjoying the company of one another.

“Well,” Christopher says, “before I drink anymore, I’m gonna step outside for a second.”

“I thought you only did that when you were bored at a party?” You ask, looking over at him in confusion.

“Yeah,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I’m just feeling like it tonight, you know? It’s been a weird day. Does it bother you?”

You shake your head, “I just don’t want you to smoke too much, that’s all.”

Christopher leans over and kisses your forehead. “Don’t worry, baby,” he says in a soothing tone, “I won’t.” He pulls away from you, walking over to the balcony door, grabbing the pack and lighter from earlier off of the end table by the window. “Don’t have too much fun without me,” he says with a wink before he slips outside and closes the door.

As soon as Christopher closes the door, Jisung reaches his hand out and grabs yours. “Baby,” he says, looking at you with concern. “About Chan…”

“What’s up, Sungie?” You ask, interlacing your fingers with his, giving the top of his hand a soft kiss.

“It’s about earlier.” He looks down to the floor, then back up to you, his face turning pink again. “When he, uh, called me a ‘good boy’.”

“What about it?” You ask, rubbing his hand with your thumb. “Did it really bother you? I can tell him to stop.”

“No!” Jisung shakes his head. “No, it didn’t bother me. But, um,” his voice trails off as he looks over his shoulder, over to the balcony door, then back down to his lap. “I really did like it. More than I should. I don’t know if it’s because he’s my hyung or my superior or if it’s because you like him, but,” he sucks in air through his teeth, colliding his head down to your shoulder “he said it and it instantly got me hard.”

Your eyes widen with shock. “Oh,” is all you can manage to squeak out, not really sure what to do with that information.

“Please don’t tell him,” Jisung says, still resting on your shoulder, “I don’t wanna make things any weirder than they are. He didn’t really like me much to begin with and I know he probably doesn’t even want me to be a part of this, so I don’t want to cause any more problems.”

You run a hand through his hair and rub his back with your other hand. “Don’t worry, Sungie, this is new to all of us.” You try your best to reassure him, but also reassuring yourself. This situation was indeed crazy, and unpredictable. This could either go very well, or very poorly, and you just had to go with it for now.

The balcony door opens, breaking the silence in the room. Christopher steps inside, setting his lighter down on the end table. He turns around, walking back to where you were sitting, looking confused. “Sung, are you alright?”

Jisung sits up with a snap and shakes his head. “I’m fine, Chan-hyung, I was just, uh-”

Christopher cuts him off as he sits down. “I told you, stop calling me hyung when it’s just the three of us. It’s weird. Are you sure you’re fine?” He reaches down to his glass, bringing it to his lips as he takes a sip of his whisky.

“Yeah,” Jisung says, a bit more calmly this time. “I just wanted to rest my head and cuddle. That’s all.”

“Okay,” Christopher says, clearly not convinced. “Anyway, now what do we do? It’s a bit after 11, so we could go to bed, but that seems a bit early.”

You take a drink of sake, darting your eyes back and forth between Christopher and Jisung, not really sure what to suggest. You really couldn’t handle drinking games two nights in a row.

Then, Jisung grabs his drink, sucking it all down at once. “Finish your drinks, or don’t,” he suggests, leaning on to the table. A somewhat shy smirk comes up on his face. “I think it’s time we finish what we started earlier.”

Your face flushes as you take a drink directly from the bottle of sake, finishing off the last of what was was left in it. Christopher smiles widely, finishing off his whisky. “You don’t have to tell me twice,” he says as he slams his glass on the table, turning to you. “Alright. Stand up, both of you” he commands you with an ominous tone to his voice.

You don’t see any reason not to, so you stand up at his request. “Jisung,” he says, “go in the bedroom and wait on the bed for us.”

Jisung looks like he’s thinking about protesting, but he decides against it. “Okay,” he says, flashing you a smile before he walks off towards the bedroom.

Christopher walks up to you, lifting your chin up so you look at him. “Do you trust me?” His voice is soft and calm, a stark difference to what he sounded like just a moment ago. He cared about what you were thinking, and it was starting to show.

“Yeah, I do. Why?” You ask, but Christopher doesn’t give you a complete answer. He bends down and picks you up, lifting you under your back and your knees.

“You’ll see,” he says, smiling deviously as he carries you to the bedroom.

Jisung is sitting at the foot of the bed when you both enter, not really sure what to do with himself. Christopher sets you down on the bed next to him, and leans up on the dresser in front of the bed.

“Jisung,” he says with a commanding tone, “I want you to undress her, but she has to enjoy it. This goes for both of you, but if you want to stop at any point, I need you to tell me. Green is fine, yellow to slow down, red for stop. Understood?” You nod your head in affirmation and look at Jisung.

“Okay,” Jisung says, turning to you, a nervous smile on his face. He crawls on top of you, straddling you. His lips crash against yours, a bit timid at first, but his kiss rapidly becomes more and more desperate and needy. It seems subconscious, but he starts to grind his pelvis into yours, his erection very obvious against you. You grab his hips, helping to steady him as he grabs both sides of your neck, fervently lapping his tongue against yours. With each kiss, he lets out the softest, small moans against your lips.

“Oi,” Christopher stresses, his voice startling both of you. You both turn to look at him, and he hasn’t moved. His arms are folded over his chest, and he has a devious look on his face, drinking in the sight of both of you all over each other. “Jisung, I told you to get her undressed, that’s it. She’s enjoying it, so hurry it up.”

Jisung swallows hard and nods his head, turning back to you. He gives you a couple of soft kisses before bringing his hands down to the bottom hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head. He looks down at your torso, shirt still in his hands, as he can’t bring himself to stop staring at your breasts.

“Oh my god,” he whispers, dropping the shirt to the bed and moving his hands up to just under your bra. “I forgot how incredible you look, baby.” He takes you in, then looks up to meet your eyes with a cheeky grin. “I loved this so much. I love you so much.”

The words cause your stomach to do a backflip, but you have a wave of nervousness as you dart your eyes over to Christopher. You expected him to snap up, call the whole thing off, and tell Jisung to stop. It was weird - he just didn’t. He looked completely calm, nodding at you to continue.

Jisung reaches behind your back to the clasp of your bra. He always had trouble with it before, so it doesn’t surprise you when it takes him a couple tries before it finally unhooks. Once it’s unhooked, he gently pulls the bra to him, gently guiding your arms through the straps. He doesn’t even bother looking away as your breasts are unveiled. The needy, wanting look on his face makes you shift your legs a bit in discomfort. You wanted attention and you wanted it now.

Christopher moves, and you spot him sneaking behind you from the corner of your eyes. “Keep going, Jisung,” he whispers as he places his hands on your hips and comes down to your neck. It’s obvious he’s taken Jisung’s words to heart as he kisses you a bit before sinking his teeth into the apex of your shoulder, right below your neck.

The initial sensation is shocking. It feels like a bolt of electricity goes up to your head and down to the bottom of your toes; the moan leaving your mouth is completely involuntary, only intensified by the fact that Christopher sucks the skin between his teeth hard. It felt like it was going to leave a bruise and you loved that feeling.

Jisung is a bit shocked, staring down at both of you. When Christopher comes up off of your shoulder, he looks up at the dumbfounded man. “She’s not naked yet. Finish your job.”

Christopher’s commanding tone snaps Jisung out of his trance yet again. He sputters a bit, stepping down to the floor. “Hyung,” he timidly whispers, clearly not wanting to interrupt either of you.

“Chan,” Christopher corrects him. “What do you want?”

“I can’t remove her jeans if you’re, um,” Jisung nervously stutters, looking nervously at the two of you.

“Spit it out.” Christopher commands, sounding a bit annoyed.

“I can’t remove her jeans if you’re keeping her down.”

It takes Christopher a minute to snap out of it. “Oh,” he says, pulling back from you and putting his hands in the air. “Alright, continue.”

“Hold on,” you say, looking up at Jisung, “are you sure you’re okay? Is Christopher bothering you?”

Jisung shakes his head, “No, no,” he says, kneeling down in front of you, “quite the opposite, actually. I kind of like being told what to do, even if it’s by Chan. I’m just a little nervous, since this is new.”

He reassures you for now. The last thing you’d want would be for something in this to go wrong, because it was starting to feel incredible, having both of these men devote all of their attention to you. You put your weight on your hands as Jisung undoes the button and zipper on your jeans. He hooks his fingers in the waistband of your jeans and panties, pulling them all the way down and off of your ankles.

Jisung starts to adjust as if he was going to get up, but he’s at eye level with your crotch, which causes him to blush. Before he gets to enjoy it too much, however, Christopher orders him to stand up, and come back to the bed. “Yes, Chan,” he says with a pout on his face, moving to the foot of the bed.

Christopher moves away from you, grabbing Jisung’s hand and pulling him down. “Come here,” he says a bit softer than before. You turn around to look at them. Christopher moves to lean up against the bedframe, pulling Jisung between his legs. “Turn around and sit here.” He pats his legs and Jisung does as asked, his face a light shade of pink.

Christopher takes Jisung’s wrists, pulling them behind his back and firmly holding them in place. Jisung yelps in shock, nervously sputtering incoherently. Christopher leans down to Jisung’s ear and whispers, “Be a good boy while we take care of you and you’ll be rewarded, okay?”

Jisung stops chattering, his eyes widening with excitement as he looks at you. “Alright,” Christopher looks at you, “why don’t you help Sungie get out of his clothes now?” You nervously swallow and nod, shifting your position to in between Jisung’s legs. As you grab Jisung’s shirt, starting to pull it over him, the look on his face distracts you for a brief moment.

He’s leaning back into Christopher’s arms, eyes flooded with lust. His chest is rising and falling rapidly, and he’s biting his bottom lip in anticipation and excitement. Christopher looks at you with a smile on his face. The sight takes your breath away. “Go on, baby,” Christopher nudges you along, “I want to see you play with Sungie.”

You nod your head, and Christopher lets go of Jisung’s arms so you’re able to pull his shirt off. Jisung reflexively goes to reach up to your face, but Christopher snaps to his wrists, pulling them back down behind him. “No, no, Sung, not yet.” He brings his chin to Jisung’s neck, a breath hitched in his throat, pausing briefly in thought before he nods at you.

Jisung whines, adjusting his hips right back up into Christopher. A gasp leaves his throat and he turns his face to look at the blonde man. “Chan,” he breathes, a surprised look on his face. Christopher darts his eyes away and blushes.

“Yeah, I know,” he grumbles, clearly not wanting to talk about whatever it is that’s happening between them. “Come on, baby,” he says as he looks at you, trying to change the subject, “let’s get him completely undressed.”

You reach up to the button of Jisung’s jeans, trying to undo them, but fumbling a bit due to your nerves. Finally, you release the button from the hole and unzip his pants. Jisung flinches a bit and gasps in relief as his cock is no longer restrained by the taut fabric of his jeans. “Ah, baby,” he whines, squirming up against Christopher, as you slip his jeans and briefs off of him. “I want you so badly.”  

Christopher looks at you with a smirk before he presses his lips against Jisung’s ear. “Patience is a virtue, Sungie,” he whispers softly, gently biting the man’s earlobe. Jisung’s face contorts into an expression between shock, pain, and pleasure and his cock twitches in response.

“Chan,” he desperately breathes out, turning his head to face the man behind him. They exchange a quick glance, before Christopher shifts himself, timidly bringing his lips to Jisung’s, clearly unsure if he wants to actually kiss him or not. Jisung, however, decides for both of them, aggressively closing the distance between their lips. The brash action appears to change something in Christopher. He releases one of his hands from Jisung’s wrists, grabbing the side of Jisung’s neck, pulling him in and shoving his tongue into the man’s mouth, adventuring around assertively.

You don’t really know what to do, sitting there, your gaze transfixed on them. The sight makes you forget how to breathe, completely entranced by the way they melt into each other. Without even thinking about it, you make your way down to take Jisung's cock into your mouth, gently kissing the tip of his head, and giving it small, gentle licks.

Jisung breaks away from the kiss with a cry, curling his legs upward a bit in response to your actions. You look up at him, your tongue swirling around his head, watching his reactions as you take him fully into your mouth, and down your throat. He lets out a deep moan, throwing his neck back onto Christopher’s shoulder, panting hard.

“That’s it,” Christopher coos, bringing his free hand up to stroke Jisung’s face. “You’re doing so well, Sungie." He plants a kiss on Jisung's temple, then looks down to you. “Keep going, baby. Get him close.”

You continue, licking your way up his shaft slowly, teasing him a bit, before taking him all the way in again, sucking your cheeks in and creating a vacuum effect in your mouth. You go up and down like this a few times, until Jisung’s become moans breathy and shaky. He starts to twitch, and Christopher says your name, getting your attention.

“Stop,” he commands, “he doesn’t get to come yet.” You follow his order, pulling yourself off of Jisung. His eyes snap open, frantically looking at both of you.

“What?!” His voice is panicked, thrusting his hips into the air once, scrambling from the loss of contact. “Why did you make her stop?”

“Because,” Christopher says, pushing Jisung to sit upright, “I want you to be a good boy and wait.” Jisung groans in frustration, quite loudly, in fact, as Christopher moves himself out from underneath the silver-haired man in his lap to sit next to him. He slips his shirt off, tossing it across the room, then undoes his belt, pulling it from the loops of his pants.

“Jisung,” Christopher says, turning to look down at him, “give me your hands.” He holds his belt in one hand, other hand held out, waiting. Jisung furrows his brows in confusion, but presents his hands to the blond. “Good boy,” Christopher says, taking him by the wrists, lifting them above his head to the bedframe behind them. He pins Jisung’s arms up, carefully wrapping his belt around his wrists and the frame, finishing by fastening the belt together.

“What?” Jisung turns his head up to look, then looks back down to both of you. “What are you doing, Chan?”

Christopher doesn’t technically answer him. “What’s your colour?” He asks in response.

“Uh,” Jisung pauses, still distracted by his arms being restrained above him. “Green?”

“So, you’re okay with this? And you’re relatively comfortable?” Christopher presses.

“Yes?” Jisung says with an upward inflection, nodding. “I just don’t understand why?”

Christopher smiles, then turns toward you, grabbing your waist and pulling you close to him. “Because I don’t want you to touch yourself while we have fun. Patience is a virtue,” he repeats.

Jisung dramatically groans, rolling his head back into the headboard. “You’re so mean, Chan,” he whines, “this is so unfair.”

Christopher was leaning in to kiss you, but turns to Jisung with a glare. “One more complaint, and I’ll make sure you don’t come at all tonight. Understood?” His assertiveness causes Jisung to snap up with a squeal, biting his lip as he nods feverishly.

“Good,” Christopher says, bringing his attention back to you. “What do you say we make Sungie squirm some more, baby?” He grabs your head, finally pulling you in to kiss you, deeply and passionately. You bring your hands down to his waistline, trying to undo his pants as you kiss each other.

Christopher breaks away from the kiss, pulling your hands off of his pants. “How about a repeat of your first night here? I can wait.” He grabs your hands, guiding you with him as he lays down next to Jisung, who’s staring at both of you, wide-eyed with intrigue. You walk up to Christopher’s face on your knees. He lets go of your hands, lining you up to his mouth.

“Watch and learn, Sungie,” Christopher says, almost mockingly, as he starts to lap you up. The first lick causes your body to shiver from head to toe, but you manage to keep your balance. You dart your eyes over to Jisung. His eyes are attentive and curious, taking in the sight of you on top of Christopher.

You open you mouth, about to make a comment, but Christopher’s tongue presses up against your clit in a way that makes you forget how to speak. He moves his tongue back and forth, then in circles. “Playing with Jisung made you so wet, baby,” Christopher says, breaking away from you for a moment, turning to Jisung to speak. “Look at what you’ve done to her, she must really want you, hmm?”

Jisung bites his lip and whines, uncomfortably shifting around, “She likes it when you bite her inner thighs. Always makes her scream.”

Christopher lifts his eyebrows, smiling at Jisung. “That’s helpful. Let’s test it out,” he says, bringing his attention back to you. You feel your legs tense as he brings his teeth to the top of your thigh, digging them in and dragging his teeth across the sensitive skin. The sharpness of his teeth on your skin causes your nerves to light up and tremble within you. You drag your hands into Christopher’s hair and shout out his name.

You feel Christopher smile against your skin, pausing for a moment to look at you before he brings his attention back to your clit, lightly sucking on it, flicking the tip of his tongue against you. Everything inside of you is burning, aching, pining for more, crescendoing in tandem within you as Christopher brings you closer and closer to your orgasm.

He breaks away from you again, but not before sticking two of his fingers inside of you, causing you to gasp. “What do you think? Should we let her come?” You want to kill him for stopping, right when you were right there, but the way he asked Jisung just drove you mad. You looked down to Jisung with pleading eyes, mouth half-open and you likely looked totally wrecked.

Jisung locked eyes with you, smiling as he studied your face. “Do it, Chan. Make her come for us.” As soon as he says that, Christopher curls his fingers inside of you, pumping them in and out at a rapid pace. Your knees start to buckle and you curl over him, lucky that you miss hitting your head on the wall, and you drop your arms to either side of his head. He steadies you with his free hand, bringing you back up to his mouth, his tongue doing circles against your clit.

“That’s it, baby,” Jisung says in a soothing voice, helping coax you to your orgasm, “come for us. Come on Chan’s tongue. I wanna hear you scream our names.” The combination of Jisung’s words and Christopher’s actions proved too much to handle. You started breathing uncontrollably, laboured panting taking over as every muscle in your body started to involuntarily twitch and shake.

“Christopher, Jisung, I’m gonna-” you say, but you’re unable to finish your sentence. Your orgasm comes coursing through your body, making you stiffen up and tremble, contractions pulsing within you from head to toe.

It takes a minute for you to catch your breath and lift yourself off of Christopher’s face.

“You did so well, baby,” Christopher whispers, removing his fingers from inside of you, reaching his arm up to the man next to you both. “Hey, Jisung,” he says, tilting his head to look at him, “open your mouth for me.”

Jisung furrows his brows, but does as he’s requested. Christopher takes the fingers that were inside of you, and brings them right to the entrance of his mouth. “Clean them.”

Jisung sticks his tongue out, inching closer to Christopher’s fingers. He slowly licks the essence of you off of him, rolling his tongue around and in between both fingers, then takes them all the way into his mouth. Christopher moans, his eyes fluttering in response to Jisung’s actions. “Fuck, you’re good.”

Christopher pulls his fingers out of Jisung’s mouth, rubbing his cheek softly before turning his attention back to you. “Why don’t you reward Sungie for being so good, baby? Crawl on top of him. Ride him until he comes, okay?”

You weakly nod your head, swinging your leg around Christopher. “But what about you?”

He waves his hand in the air before reaching down into his pants. “I’ll be fine. I did say that I was curious about how you two would be together, didn’t I?”

“Alright,” you say, positioning yourself over Jisung. He looks up at you with eager eyes. “Are you ready?”

Jisung nods his head quickly. “Oh, please, baby,” he whines, “I’ve been waiting for this all night.” You smile, lining him up underneath you. Your attention is momentarily distracted as Christopher closes the space between him and Jisung. He brings his face up to Jisung’s ear, giving him light nibbles as he strokes himself.

“Be a good boy for us, okay?” You hear Christopher whisper to Jisung, causing the man below you to shudder. He nods, and you slowly lower yourself on him.

You watch Jisung, taking in every reaction he makes as you take him in. He involuntarily rolls his head back, still trying to watch you. His eyes flutter as you meet his hips with yours, eliciting a deep, guttural moan from him. Christopher looks up at you, smirking, before he drops his head down to Jisung’s neck, giving him small nibbles and kisses. He whispers praises in between each kiss and bite, but you tune it out as you start grinding your hips into Jisung’s.

The way that Jisung felt inside of you was enough to make your eyes roll back as you ride him up and down. It probably wasn’t enough to make you come again, but it still felt incredible.

“How does she feel, Sungie?” Christopher says, loud enough for you to hear.

Jisung responds with a nod and some incoherent ramblings. “Don’t stop,” he manages to squeak out. “Both of you. Please, don’t.” He rolls his head back into the headboard. “Chan,” he pleads, “keep going.”

“Jisung likes to be bitten hard,” you breathe out, smiling up at Christopher, “so you should finish what you started.”

Christopher responds with a scoff. “Fine,” he says as he adjusts his position. “Only because you’ve been so good.” He leans up on one of his elbows to get closer to Jisung’s neck, fully devoting himself to worship Jisung’s neck with his teeth.

The sight of them both causes your stomach to burn in the best possible way. You shift down, steadying yourself on one arm as you take your right hand and start pumping Christopher’s cock. He groans against Jisung’s neck, but doesn’t stop.

Jisung starts to pant out mewls, his eyes shutting tightly as he starts to twitch. “Baby,” he pleadingly whines, “baby, I’m gonna come. Can I? I want to come. Please, please.”

“It’s okay, Sungie, baby,” you pant out as you ride him a bit faster. “You can come for me. I want you to come for me, okay?”

He nods once, about to bite his lip, but he chokes out a moan, calling out your name at the top of his lungs. Christopher removes himself from Jisung’s neck as he starts to twitch and thrust up into you. He watches you ride Jisung, milking out every drop of cum from him with each slow thrust of your hips.

Jisung’s pants slow down, and he starts coming back to reality. He looks down at you, eyes half-open, and goes to move his arm, surprised to find that they’re restrained, just for a moment. “Ah, shit, I forgot,” he groans, “I wanted to kiss you, baby. That was amazing.”

You smile, letting go of Christopher for a second and leaning down to give him a quick, but loving, kiss. “I’ll give you a better kiss when I’m done with Christopher, okay?” Jisung pouts, but nods his head. Slowly, you lift yourself completely off of Jisung, getting one last shiver out of the man beneath you. You reach up and undo the belt, unravelling it and tossing it to the side. “You did so well today,” you coo to Jisung as you kiss his wrists, gently bringing his arms back down to him.

“Okay,” you say, adjusting yourself on the bed so you’re hovering over Christopher. “You’re next, baby.” You lean down to kiss him. “Do you wanna be inside me?”

“Fuck yes, I do,” he groans, grabbing your hips and aligning the two of you together. “I’m already really close, but I want to feel you around me.”

You lower yourself on to him, expecting your motions to be slow and calm like it was with Jisung, but Christopher tightens his grip on your hips. He takes control, thrusting himself up into you with no mercy. His sudden movement causes you to cross your eyes in surprise and collapse down into him.

It really doesn’t take him long, with him in control. He’s in and out of you, hard and fast, and it feels good. You turn your head to face Jisung and he’s watching you intently, a smile on his face. “Do you like making Chan feel good, baby?”

You can’t really make the words go from your brain to your mouth, so you make some sort of groan of affirmation in between your pants.

“Oh, fuck,” Christopher moans underneath you, reaching his hands up to your back and digging his fingernails into your skin. He moans out your name as he thrusts up into you one more time, throwing his head back into the pillow behind him. His body shudders beneath you, and you lift your head up, propping yourself up on one of your arms.

You look down at Christopher, completely blissed out, his face starting to relax and come back to normal. Slowly, you bring your face down to meet his lips, giving him soft, tender kisses as you help bring his attention back to focus. “That felt really good, baby,” you whisper, smiling against his lips.

Christopher scoffs, a goofy smile coming up on his face. He opens his eyes, looking at you, reaching his hand up to your face. “That was incredible. All of that was incredible.” His head turns, looking over to Jisung, reaching out to his chest with his free hand. “I seriously can’t believe we did that.”

Jisung takes Christopher’s hand into his own, sliding himself up closer to both of you. “I can’t believe we did that, either. I didn’t think I would ever be able to share my bunny with anyone, but you treat her so well.”

You slide yourself off of Christopher, and he lets out a soft moan in response. “I’m going to duck off to the washroom for a minute. You two made a mess of me.” Both of the men laugh in response as you wobble your way off of the bed and into the washroom.

It doesn’t take you long to clean up and wash your face. Within a couple of minutes, you find yourself walking (a bit more coordinated, now) back towards the bed. The bedroom is an absolute mess of all of your clothes. ‘Whatever’, you think to yourself, ‘we’ll just deal with it tomorrow.’

You maneuver your way through the clothes strewn about, getting up to the edge of the bed before you stop. Christopher and Jisung have passed out, with Christopher on his back and Jisung curled up next to him. You had wanted to sleep between them, but you’d settle for the space right behind Jisung.

As you crawl up on to the bed, you turn off the lamp next to you, deciding to leave the rest of the lights in the apartment on for now. You curl up next to Jisung, wrapping your arm around him. It only takes a couple of minutes before you find yourself nodding off, completely at peace. Honestly, this felt so nice. If you could end every night like this, you would happily take it.

“Fuck,” you hear a voice as the bed shifts, and Jisung rolls over, wrapping his arm around you. It feels like the voice in the distance is part of your dream, along with the chirping of a bird. “Shit,” you hear the voice again, a bit clearer now. The chirping of the bird turns into a ringtone. Christopher’s ringtone, actually, the one that you heard when Changbin called him. “Goddammit,” the voice perks up again as the trilling stops. It’s Christopher’s voice.

Your eyes flutter open, the room still relatively dark, the only light was from the kitchen, spilling into the bedroom. It’s faint, but you make out Christopher’s shadow, walking into the kitchen as he answers his phone as quietly as possible.

“Changbin, it’s four in the morning. What the fuck?” His voice is groggy and low. You don’t really have the energy to stay up to hear some sort of report, so you let your eyes close again, drifting back off into sleep.

“Fuck,” Christopher says, the sound of his footsteps getting closer and closer to the bed. “You both need to get up. Now. Jisung, we need to move.”

Jisung shakes his head, sitting upright. “What happened?”

“We need to go. Now. Changbin’s orders. Go pack up the shit in the studio; most of it should be in the black bag.” Christopher says with urgency, turning on the lamp next to you. He turns to you to wake you up, but is surprised to see you wide awake and staring at him. “Get dressed. I don’t have time to explain.” Jisung groggily gets off of the bed, stumbling to get his pants on. He tosses your shirt and bra over to you, slipping his other leg through his jeans.

Christopher grabs some clothes from the drawer, still holding his phone up to his ear. “Lee and Yang? 3201?” He questions, “Right now? Alright.” He turns his head back around to you, his voice starting to sound panicked. “Seriously, get dressed. Two of our guys are on their way over.”

You don’t really have the time to register what exactly he’s talking about, you just move to grab your underwear and pants from the floor, and slip all of your clothes on. Christopher pulls his phone away from his face, tapping the screen, and you can hear Changbin’s voice on the other line. Jisung walks behind Christopher, slipping his shirt over his head. He moves with purpose out into the kitchen, and you hear him rustling around in the studio next door.

“Hyunjin’s been shot,” Changbin’s voice comes through the tinny speaker of Christopher’s phone. Both of you freeze, unable to move for a second. “I don’t know where they are, but I know they’re coming for you.”

“Fuck,” Christopher says, snapping out of it, throwing on his shirt and slipping his pants on in a rush. “What’s his status?”

“Don’t panic, he’ll make it. If I heard correctly, it was just a through and through in his leg. Seungmin’s with him at the hospital, so don’t worry.”

You take a hasty breath of relief, putting your shirt on with shaky hands.

Christopher grabs his phone, stopping to look at you. “I need you to hurry up, please.” He turns off the speakerphone, bringing his phone back to his face. He starts to move for the kitchen as the front door opens. He stops for a moment, trying to decipher if it was a threat. You can’t see who comes in, but Christopher relaxes when he sees them.

“Are you ready?” One of the unfamiliar voices says, and Christopher shakes his head.

“Almost. Yang, she’s in here, keep an eye on her and get her out here. Lee, watch the door. Han and I are grabbing the essentials from the studio and we’ll be ready in a minute.” His voice trails off, and you assume he’s headed off into the studio with Jisung.

A young man with black hair walks into the room, your shoes in his hand. He sees you and offers a shallow bow, handing you your shoes. “I’m Yang Jeongin. I’m with Bang-hyung and Seo-hyung.” You don’t really know what to say, so you just offer a small bow with your head, shakily introducing yourself. “I know. Don’t worry, we’ll keep you safe, alright? I need you to get up and come with me, though, okay?”

You hastily slip on your shoes and shakily make your way to your feet, all semblance of balance leaving you. As you’re about to fall forward, Jeongin comes up to catch you. “It’s alright,” he says softly. “We need to go. Seo-hyung will be here in just a few minutes. Okay?”

You weakly nod your head, regaining your balance. With Jeongin’s help, you make your way to the kitchen just as Christopher and Jisung are coming out of the studio, both visibly armed with pistols. “Lee,” Christopher says, putting a large black duffel bag on the counter. The young, bleach-blond man standing at the entrance nods, walking over to the counter to grab the bag. “Everything’s in here. Don’t let this bag out of your sight, no matter what.”

“Understood, Bang-hyung,” he says with a bow, meeting your eyes as he grabs the bag. He looks at you with a serious look, as if he were hiding his nervousness under a tough skin. “Lee Felix, nice to meet you.” He offers you a bow, pulling the bag off of the counter and taking it to the entrance before you can introduce yourself.

“Yang,” Christopher says, grabbing the pistol from under the table, “Han and I have got her, don’t worry.” He takes the pistol and the magazine and passes it to the black-haired man. “I want you to lead with Lee as we leave, understood?”

“Yes, hyung,” he says with a bow, assembling the pistol and putting it in an open side holster.

“Alright,” Christopher says, coming up to your side. “Han, are you ready?”

“Yes, hyung,” Jisung says, coolly and calmly, walking up to your other side. You turn to look at him, and he looks stoic and composed. “Don’t worry, baby, we’ve got you.”

“Changbin’s out front,” Christopher says, grabbing your hand haphazardly. “We need to go.”

With his words, the five of you move quickly, yet cautiously, stepping out of the apartment and into the elevator. You, Christopher, and Jisung stand in the back, as Felix and Jeongin stand up front. All of them have holstered their pistols, but their hands are on their hips above them.

It seems like an eternity since you’ve seen this elevator. The last time you saw it, you remembered being excited and nervous, curious about who the mysterious Christopher Bang was. Now, you were nervous and terrified. You looked up to him, and found yourself wondering that familiar question:

Who is this man?

a/n: if you made it this far, thank you so much. <3 i really hope you enjoyed this chapter.