#i finally decided to get motivated to draw again! so yay me!!

[dialtownbutinthe80s]

sodapop

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 12.5.2023

It took me all week, but I did, finally, finish Chapter 5.

I had two great wordcount weeks in a row. This was not a great wordcount week. I did spend a lot of time thinking about my fanfic, and plotting and outlining. These are not normally activities that I enjoy, but it honestly wasn't so bad. I decided that I didn't want to keep proceeding forward until I had decided how this thing is going to end. If you've ever read any of my writing advice posts, you'll know that I nearly always advise deciding how the fanfic will end before you start writing the fanfic. The only reason I didn't take my own advice is because I usually don't need to. While I am infamously bad at ending individual scenes and chapters, I nearly always know how a fanfic is going to end, and this time I just...didn't?

Anyway, I thought about it all week and thought up some scenes I would like to do and thought about the character arcs and motivations I wanted my three mains to go through in the second half of this fanfic, and I also thought about characters whom I felt had not gotten enough screentime. All of these things were easier than coming up with an ending, but I did eventually come up with an idea for my last few scenes, and I think it's good enough that the rest will fill itself in as I go. We are definitely shaping up to be 9 chapters and an epilogue, which means I am now slightly over halfway done? Yay? It still feels frustrating because the front half is pretty self-contained and I want to show it to people, but I cannot, it needs to wait but there's soooooo muuuuuuch left to goooooooo.

Anyway, let's focus on the positive! I added 2,939 (new) words to Chapter 5, bringing it up to 10,160, the longest chapter so far, but not egregiously so. I added one scene which is both unnecessary and dreadful. It ruins the pacing at the end of the chapter, it goofs up my alternating narrator structure, and it's just extremely weird. Also, if I cut it, the chapter length will better match the other ones. I wrote a note in my outline "this scene is bad and you should delete it." Will I? Readers, I likely will not. This is fanfic and when you write fanfic, you can just make people read unnecessary scenes about Renji and Iba's dirtbag friendship and they can't do anything about it because I do not receive any sort of compensation for this. I promise that if I come to my senses and actually ax, I will post it here. In other news, everyone who loved the Squad Six-gets-universal-healthcare scene from Hearts will be overjoyed to learn that this one features a bit in which Ukitake-and-Yumichika-discuss-the-Gotei-13-procurement-process. Once again, I do not get paid.

I also spent some time this week fixing up the portion of Chapter 6 that I had already written. Some of it needs to be fully reworked, but there was a significant chunk that could be pretty much pasted in with a little minor editing.

That brings the wordcount for this week to 17,423 for Part B, or 54,296 overall (+10,207 for the week). That is...that is starting to become a fanfic.

It's also December, and there's a lot of stuff going on, so I'm really trying to not be too ambitious in my goal-setting, but I'm hoping that maybe I'll be able to get through Chapter 7 by the end of the year.

I did a drawing tutorial this week. It was okay. I'm kinda 🫠about drawing lately, but sometimes I can only really concentrate on one thing at a time.

[lacrimaomnis]

BRF Reading, 16/7/2021 (Part Two)

Part one can be found here.

(I finally got my new deck, yay! Because I have a new deck, and correspondences between decks vary, from now on I will adhere to my new deck's correspondences. Please bear this in mind as you read along, some correspondence may be different from what I have posted earlier.)

Yesterday I asked why Harry decided to marry Meghan, and my cards answered he married her out of love -- he loved her enough to marry her. Today's question was supposed to be in yesterday's reading as this question tied closely with the first, but I was too tired to pull more cards.

As written, this is merely a speculation and therefore must be taken with a grain of salt. This speculation is not true until proven otherwise.

My question is, why did Meghan agree to marry Harry?

Cards drawn: Six of Pentacles, Four of Cups, The High Priestess, Knight of Pentacles, Wheel of Fortune, The Sun, Two of Wands Underlying energies: Seven of Swords, Queen of Swords.

Remarks/Comments: I don't know if it's because the deck is new or something, but, man, this is one of the hardest readings I've done. The tone of this reading is very very positive (Six of Pentacles + The Sun + The High Priestess), but the underlying energies did not quite share the same tone of the spread.

Summary: This spread consists of three major arcana cards, indicating that Meghan's decision to marry Harry was to change the trajectory of her life, which we have seen -- I think most of us agree that we don't know who she is until she married Harry. Honestly, I don't see any feelings besides "he's my way out ticket" feeling.

First card: Six of Pentacles. This card talks about generosity and charity, but also about greed, selfishness, and pettiness. This card also implies that the subject in the question (the querent in general reading) may be in need of a help. This card tells me that that one of the major driving force behind Meghan agreeing to marry Harry was because she needed help with something. Pentacles are the suit of material wealth, so did she need financial help?

Second card: Four of Cups. It's interesting to see that Four of Cups appeared twice in two related readings, but the positions it appeared in made such a good contrast. Here, Four of Cups is in the past position of the spread -- this card speaks about apathy, withdrawal, retreat, contemplation, self-indulgence, and denial. This reminded me that in the past, Meghan was already married -- that marriage ended up in divorce. The couple retreated from each other, they became apathetic towards each other until divorce was no longer avoidable.

Third card: The High Priestess. When this card appears in a reading together with the Six of Pentacles, this implied that the subject in question (in this reading, Meghan) had the power to help herself out of the rut she was in. This tells me that Meghan decided to marry Harry to help herself out of something. In my deck, this card also represents a Virgo person, and Harry is a Virgo -- so this affirms that yes, Meghan was in need of a help, and that Harry was the help she thought she needed.

Fourth card: Knight of Pentacles. Looking at the position of the card in this spread, this card was about the immediate future -- the Knight of Pentacles is about many things, and one of them is financial success -- I think one of the reasons Meghan agreed to marry Harry was because she thought she would be financially successful if she married him. Knight of Pentacles is also the court card of a Virgo, so this card represents Harry.

Fifth card: The Wheel of Fortune. This is the card of cycles, luck, new beginnings, what goes up will also go down, fate -- this is the card. This card comes in pair with Knight of Pentacles, which seemed to say to me that Harry was the "wheel", so to speak, that Meghan could spin to get her on the top of the wheel. This card also affirmed that her decision to marry Harry was a decision that would forever change the trajectory of her life. The question however, would be, did she seek that change? Did she want to change? Looking at her statements and her behaviour, I concluded no, she did not want to change, and that's the reason she could no longer spin the wheel to place her on top of the world, so to speak.

Sixth card: The Sun. This is one of the most positive card you can get in any reading. The Sun represents success, abundance, achievement, and in my deck, this card also represents a Leo, which is Meghan. This comes in as the pair of the High Priestess, and again, this affirmed to me that Meghan saw Harry as her way out.

Seventh card: Two of Wands. This is the card of investment, independence, longterm plans, and new ventures. As the pair of Six of Pentacles, this card tells me that Meghan agreed to marry Harry because marrying him would give way to new ventures -- after all, Harry is a royalty and no matter how opposed one is against monarchy, they would agree that being able to work with a royal family member would be very lucrative and would be able to bring those moneybags in, far surpassing celebrities.

Underlying energy 1: Seven of Swords. This is the card of dishonesty, secrets, and hidden motivation. I don't generally dwell in card imagery, but for this one card, I can't help but to. In my deck, one element of the drawing includes a column of smoke billowing from a camp while a man sneaks away from the camp. This represents burning of bridges or torching of relationships, which what exactly happened with Meghan and Harry right now. This card also tells me that Meghan was not honest with Harry from the start, that there was something she hid away from him.

Underlying energy 2: Queen of Swords. Of all the Queen court cards, the Queen of Swords is the most intelligent and worldly, and she doesn't allow emotion or sentimentality clouds her judgment. This tells me that her decision to marry Harry was not driven by sentimentality or emotions, in fact, her decision to marry Harry was carefully calculated and there was little to no emotions whatsoever involved in this decision.

Conclusion: This reading was very, very, very different from the reading I did yesterday -- Harry's reading was charged with emotions, whiile from this reading I could glance little to no emotion. The two readings make a very good contrast, and it makes me a little bit sad. Harry loved Meghan enough to marry her, but she may or may not be in love with him -- if my interpretation is to be trusted, she may not even love Harry.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket Manga Review (ch 90-91)

Since I discussed the first few pages of ch-90 that contains kyo & tohru in my previous preview, this one will only be kyoko’s story.

Kyoko’s story brilliantly explores the effects of unhealthy domestic environment on children without the use of the zodiac curse as a metaphor for abuse. My first-reaction of kyoko’s story is the following:

I really enjoyed how kyoko’s descend into darkness was explored & how the psychologically-informed writing of her behavior was depicted.

I was troubled by how Katsuya was presented as the magical solution to all her problems. Kyoko was saved by romantic love in a more basic writing than machi. Both girls just needed a guy to listen to them vent abt their family issues once & tada~ they’re in love.

Kyoko’s story made me realize that Arisa is just a more modern & healthier kyoko.. The only difference is that Kureno didn’t save Arisa. She herself changed gradually due to kyoko & tohru’s influence.

1) Kyoko’s descend into Darkness:

Kyokyo told kyo that she was already “out of control delinquent before she got to middle school”, “ fell into the wrong crowd”, “ enjoyed beating innocent ppl”. subtly citing the influence of “delinquent peers” & the innate desire be noticed at home. I’m bad, notice me! love me, listen to me!

There are some elements in her story that faintly reminds me of yuki & strongly reminds me of kyo:

Kyoko’s parents gave her a treatment similar to “ yuki’s parents”: cold, neglect & devoid of love. Her dad, similar to kyo’s dad, felt ashamed & disgraced by her.

Kyoko similarly to kyo was angry, full of self-loath & self-destruction. However, kyo was never violent like she was. I believe kyo’d have turned like her if he didn’t have Kazuma to discipline him with love, care & attention. Hence, we saw kyo carry on a code of “ not beating girls, or ppl who aren’t hurting them, or don’t know martial arts”, like Arisa or the student council guy whop loves yuki.

Kyoko’s mom similarly of kyo’s mom talked abt the dad venting his anger on her after being pissed off with kyoko. So, a hint of domestic violence between husband & wife.

Kyoko described herself as “ made of shattered glass”. Tohru once said both kyo & yuki are very sensitive. yuki blocks the world behind the prince mask & kyo puts on the annoyed attitude to push ppl away from hurting him.

Society thinks that “delinquent/bad ppl” are always happy with what they’ve become. Satisfied with their destructive choices. When in most of the times... they’re as bewildered & confused as the community around them..

I really don’t blame the teachers for being defensive. Teachers aren’t supposed to be “life-coaches” or “saviors of students”. That’s sth the educators with their research gush abt & what society demands & what families wish for. The fixer-teacher!!!! Teachers are ppl teaching a subject, doing a specific job, underpaid & overworked most of the times, also, they come from various backgrounds, beliefs, & sometimes even if they meant good & wanted to “ save” a student, they aren’t equipped with the suitable psychological training. Yeah, there are ppl for that in schools, but so many students with lots of issues. Also, let’s be real, we love kyoko cuz she’s the “epic mother of tohru, we grew on her teachings thro out 3 seasons” but if you meet a loud, delinquent, gangster head, violent chair throwing student who rarely comes anyway, would you wanna deal with them?

2- Katsuya “ the magical savior”:

so, why did teacher katsuya helped a screaming delinquent? cuz he IS interested in kyoko. He said so. He approached her, talked & tried to help cuz he intended to “never let her go since he saw her honesty” ~ romantic? maybe to some.. I find it weird & creepy. him eyeing her & getting interested & approaching her & earning her trust. It is true that he has no intention of hurting her or forcing her & he DID save her in more ways than one. But why is this all wrapped in romance. He DID flirt with her intentionally many times from the moment he saw her until then.

If Im being honest, had he not be her teacher (trainee or not), & had she not be very veeeeery young! I’d be enjoying his flirting so much. He’s so smooth, playful & cool (not looking head over heels in love) which is normally such a fun dynamics. She was so head over heels, tho. Finally found someone who noticed her tiny efforts “ drawing eyebrows”, someone who listened & someone who didn’t forced her to do her “duties”. She tells him (her teacher) that she is ditching classes & he’s okay with that~ not lecturing, not urging. why? cuz He only wants HER. she comes to see him in the lunch break everyday. school? classes? that’s her choice~ not his business~ In a way, Katsuya is intentionally made not morally correct. Why? cuz a good moral adult wouldn’t be in love with a middle schooler & would care for her future as an independent person from him. He must be written with intentional desire to NOT care for morals or right or the likes. Yes, he later helps her to study & graduate but ONLY when that is HER choice & she made it ONLY to catch up with him. To cleanse herself & be “ like the other girls” . Kyoko deemed katsuya “ good person” &  herself “ bad person”. That’s why she was motivated to be good to catch up with him since she can NO LONGER see him everyday in lunch break. He fixed that. How? teach her in the weekends & provide better chances to flirt since he’s no longer a teacher & she’s his student. The issue is not teacher-student love... it is adult-kid love!! but hey~ they’re cute (they’re written to be, so they are) so it’s cool ( it isn’t at all..eww).. oh the dilemma that is Takaya-san’s love for weird big age gaps where one is an underage teenager...

Furuba’s has this big theme of “ love doesn’t heal or save”. yuki took tohru’s love & grew up by himself. Kyo’s love for tohru didn’t save tohru, she was scared to be in love & forget her mom. Tohru made the decision to be free from her past, herself.  Tohru’s love to kyo made his trauma 10 times more complicated & he acted based on his love for her & decided to leave her. It wasnt until he decided to face his trauma, past & bio dad by himself, that he accepted tohru’s love. Only two characters were totally saved by love:

Machi: has the excuse of being solely created to be yuki’s reward for acknowledging platonic love for tohru & everything abt her is rushed & made as a lighter copy of all yuki’s issues to quickly create shared grounds for them to connect. Machi needed to vent her issues to yuki once & all her issues were never brought back to the service again. She was happier, calmer & healed.

I expected more for kyoko. She IS a bigger character than half of the zodiacs! but she just needed katsuya to listen to her & she was in love & her issues solved.

I don’t deny that it IS true that sometimes all we need is someone to listen to us. Tohru herself said so & even yuki said it to kyo. But Even if someone listen to us & we love them, the issues that troubled us dont magically disappear until we face them or do sth abt them aided by those who love us. Kyo’s issues remained even with his love until he faced them, tohru’s too!

Katsuya:

had off-screen issues with expressing himself. He said that he loved kyoko cuz she was “honest abt her ugly feelings” while he pretended to “humor & please his dad”. He gave a wonderful speech to her parents abt the expectations of parents on their kids & the refusal of their “human weakness” again furuba’s main vision. Unfortunately, this was followed with confessing, marriage proposal & kissing her on the lips all while the whole issue is abt kids/ parents exceptions of middle schooler/ neglect & his own acknowledgement that she’s minor while he was “in love”.

Like the author wants to tie kyoko’s issues & katsuya’s issues so bad & present him as her ONLY chance for normal life. Kyoko was just repenting & understanding that her actions got consequences which is an epic moment! but romance triumphant & saved the day~ yay~! marriage!

The story would’ve been better romantically if it was given time for kyoko to “ grow up” just like katsuya himself said when they were at the beach. He said “ grow up, middle school is not the world”. He continued meeting her but never confessed & never crossed the line despite the flirting. But he KNEW what he was doing “ i never planned to let you go since I saw you”. He was cementing his place as the ONLY one in her world.

Had kyoko grew up, saw the real world, kept taps with katsuya, he helped her broaden her world, then they’ll marry without needing her dad to sign papers, then that would be a better love story than this.

Side Notes:

The writer didn’t shy away from confessing that pairing Katsuya & kyoko is problematic & stated it in canon (kyoko called katsuya “pedo”). She did the same with Arisa & kureno (Arisa thought the age gap is big & hana questioned if kureno is a married man). However, making the story acknowledge that as an issues doesn’t make it less uncomfortable, but at least, I respect when writers do what they plan to do regardless of fans. even if I dont agree with the writer. It’s way better than when writer becoming fans toy/ fans pleaser.

Still, couldn’t the author state that kyoko was held back few years in jmiddle school & failed & repeated school years? like make her i duno 17 or sth... this would at least lessen the big age gap... but no~~~ kyoko is what? 14? ... -_-’.

You bet this won’t change a bit in the upcoming anime spinoff abt kyoko. Just this year an anime abt an adult man & his high school love interest that he pursued stubbornly was highly popular & my real life friends were gushing abt “ him finally winning her/ being respectful & only kissing her lips once or sth/waiting for her to “catch up” with him”/ consent age differ in X & Y countries..I’m not dictating my beliefs on anybody or any country or saying my way of thinking is the just way. I’m saying, Personally, I think, there are better romantic stories than adults & kids couples.. The fact that this trope of (adults & kids romance) is still popular even today is sad~~

I dont mind HUGE age gaps as long as BOTH characters are adults. If any of them makes a crime, they’ll be held responsible by the law. & sometimes the younger adult is the one dominating the relationship. but “kids or teenagers” can’t. They’re easily groomed & manipulated, so it bothers me when a love story between an adult & a kid is portrayed as  “equal”. it isn’t.

I’m not judging whoever loves such trope in “ fiction”. it IS fiction, & as long as you don't pursue a real kid/teenager in real life, you can like whatever in fiction. moving on~

kyoko’s delinquent life is well-written & if done right, would send a powerful message of being able to start over. But the romantic love aspect will steal the spotlight by (a) directing uncomfortable hate/disgust towards the story & hence all the discussions will abt the “pedo” aspect. (which is fair). (b) Perceived as so lovable romance since katsuya is the prince who to saved the neglected princess which is a trope that has stood thro time garnering lots of support & attention always, so all the discussion would be abt their “cute romance”. (which is fair since the author weaved elements that endeared their romance, such as: cute nicknames “miss no-eyebrows”, him giving her space, home & respect, saving her from the streets & poverty & having the most endearing tohru”. So, yeah, the romance will be the center of attention regardless.

I like katsuya’s character type in fiction generally: the flirty, mischievous & a bit cool guy who is so aware he’s wrong most times & plays his cards smart to not get caught red-handed. He’s a cooler version of shigure. It’s just the blatant fact that he’s been planning to “get” a middle schooler from the first glance & that she is wayyyy young for this, that is bothering me so so much~~ T_T.

I wont expect the anime to change their age gap cuz it is the essence of their story that she’s a lost kid with no protection against the world & he’s the savior providing everything at once!~ Remember kyoko went on to be the savior of an entire clan tho tohru~ So in a way, katsuya saved the sohmas by saving kyoko....

“ i’m like a stray cat that he looked after instead of chasing away”. kyoko with katsuya is like kyo with kazuma! >_<!. When kyo met tohru, he wasn’t a stray cat, most of how he dealt with her was cuz he already knew her & was tormented by remembering kyoko’s death & feeling guilty towards tohru’s constant pain. That’s why when kyo started falling in love with tohru, he unconsciously stopped pushing her away little by little & just wanted to be with her until akito said “ i’ll hurt her” that’s when he totally gave up.

the way katsiya appeared in the right moment to save kyoko from her dad~ oh the drama. XD

Hospital Discharge & chase. like mom like daughter~ but thank God the kids got a more balanced love story.

Comparing kyoko/katsuya to Arisa/kureno in the broad writing of their romance without diving into details: (a) I hate the age gap in both but at least Arisa is older & nothing happened until she graduates & become an official adult. (b) Kyoko/katsuya are more fleshed out & if you forget the age gap,m their dynamic is so cute & endearing. (c) the love at first glance, never meeting afterwards yet still sickly in love to the extinct of screaming made Arisa/kureno shallower. (d) now that I saw teenage kyoko, Arisa is really just her clone! I hate that this steals from Arisa’s uniqueness. (e) both couples ate ramen in their first meeting/first unofficial date signalling their blooming love.

I’ve said this more than once, but I was the high-schooler that fancied adult independent men growing up, I never pursued anyone tho cuz I understood it was a crush even tho I’m pretty sure my “ *_*” face was clear to one or two, but I’m definitely lucky none of them tried to woo me or influence me. Now that I’m a grown woman, I think back & laugh at my self. I fancied them cuz they were independent & mature compared to the silly high school boys, which is what those men are supposed to be (adults) & what those boys are supposed to be (living their young age). lol. Still, I wish I found someone somehow to be my life’s partner since then, it would’ve made my life less lonely~ T_T.

[im-whatchamccallit]

Circles//Kim Doyoung (NCT 127)

Pairing: Kim Doyoung x Fem!Reader

Genre: Series/Multiple parts, Mafia/Crime!AU, Suggestive, Angst, Fluff, Potential Smut in future chapters

Warnings: Suggestive content, mention of guns and murder, mentions of the mafia and organized crime

Word Count: 4.5k

(A/N: So, like I said in one of my last post, I’m trying to start a series so that I will have a reason to post more often and not let this blog die the way I did before. Only problem? This was the first thing that came to mind and I’ve been terrified it won’t do well so please leave feedback if you like it so I know to continue it. This is also my first NCT 127 post so... Yay! Also, I recently read about how taboo a lot of people think the mafia/crime AUs are in fanfiction and I want to be cautious of their feelings in regards to this which is why I also haven’t posted it but I just want to post something while getting out of my writers block. But, again, leave feedback on whether you love it or hate it, leave request if you want, anything’s appreciated.)

Masterlist|Guidelines

You’ve seen elegance but never at this level, eyes glued to the ceiling that seemed to reach heights you could only dream of, not even thirty basketball players stacked onto one another’s shoulders able to graze the top. The sparkling from the crystal gold leaf chandeliers adding to the fairytale-like atmosphere as servers of all kind bustled around you offering food and drinks at any given chance, your hand reluctantly staying at your side as you declined their generosity. You were starving, but you had a job to do and, that job, was Song Minhyun.

He was the newly appointed Don of the Amarillo family, his father passing away from an unknown condition only a week ago but, based on how fast Minhyun made the world aware that he was now in control of all the illicit acts committed in the name of Amarillo after years of having their identity protected and undisclosed, even going as far as to threaten and betray the various families beneath him in an insane power trip, it was clear his father’s death was no accident. But you were never a fan of that man, he was creepy with a bad attitude to match, so this task wasn’t some gesture of vengeance for him, it was strictly about you and your family.

Just like the Amarillo’s, your family went under an alternative name, Nio’s, which closely resembled the name of the pharmaceutical manufacturing company masking it, Neo Tech. It always made you laugh considering no one caught on to their association, given Nio’s were the largest distributors and exporters of controlled substances in majority of the Eastern hemisphere. But joining Nio’s wasn’t a life you wanted to live, you were practically forced into it, but once you’ve engrained yourself into a life of organized crime, it was impossible to leave. You lived every day with the mindset of kill or be killed, Minhyun’s threats to expose your operations to the NIS who, after the death of Nio’s founder, Kim Dongwan, assumed your family officially ceased activity in the crime syndicate, being your main motive for taking him down. Sure, you were ordered to handle the assassination but, considering you could face life in prison simply for everything you’ve done in the name of Nio’s, you were more than willing. There was one problem though, Song Minhyun was an absolute dream.

Your thoughts seemed to fade into nothingness when you initiated conversation, going with the plan to seduce and kill him only to find he was much more enticing than you anticipated. He was a year or so older than you yet spoke like he was some immortal seer, his wisdom and life stories drawing you in and leaving your heart racing. His smile was so wide and gummy but eyes sharp and attentive, never leaving yours even as he drew you further from the crowd which, according to Taeyong, was not part of the plan. And you couldn’t begin to understand how fucked you were.

You didn’t know where he was taking you, too focused on his words while simultaneously adjusting your silky white dress to reveal more cleavage from the already plunging v-neck and your walk becoming sultrier to expose more of your leg from the thigh-high slit.

“You know, you shouldn’t focus too much on your looks when you’re naturally beautiful.” Minhyun spoke, your eyes darting to him as your hands returned to your sides, a shy giggle echoing in the now deserted hallway he lead you through.

“Can you blame me? Standing next to an attractive man can really mess with a girl’s self-esteem.” You admitted, suddenly feeling like some high schooler in a rom-com.

“Well, I can help with those insecurities. Just tell me where to start and I’ll make you feel like an absolute queen.” Your breath hitched as his body turned to face you, hand reaching to cup your neck but it was large enough that his thumb could glide over your bottom lip with ease, smudging your red lipstick against your skin teasingly but still holding your gaze.

His presence, the sheer dominance he exuded made you whimper in a mixture of fear and pleasure. You weren’t going planning to escape yet he made the initiative to hold you close to him, an arm wrapped securely around your waist making a heat rush through you that could only be described as want, no longer aware of your duties and no longer caring. He was perfect, and you wanted a piece of his perfection. Maybe for the night, maybe forever, you decided you’d choose after whatever surprise he had for you was done in the dark office he dragged you into, your excitement blocking out the burning gaze from just down the hall.

Minhyun shut the door, not bothering to lock it seeing that you were so willing and easy to remain with him. He knew who you were and what you were planning to do. You were an orphan taken in by Nio’s, trained to be a child soldier for a man who couldn’t even hold his own against Minhyun’s father, now under Taeyong’s rules and orders. But knowing that his first encounter with Taeyong was less than stellar and the sudden ultimatum to forfeit all their assets to the Amarillos or be handed over to the police for sentences that can range from 50 years to death for each and every one of his precious borgata, the only thing Taeyong could do was kill him and you, unfortunately were just a pawn in those plans.

“You know, your looks are nothing to be insecure about. You’re beautiful beyond comprehension.” He spoke lowly, inching closer and guiding you to his large desk just by the window, the moonlight that seeped through the blinds the only form of light allowing you to take in his features.

You gasped as he grabbed your hips, spinning you and pressing you over the desk. You sighed in contentment at the feeling of his hands caressing up your thighs, dress riding up and slowly revealing the black thong you had, a low chuckle leaving his lips at the sight. Not just because you were practically bare before him, but at the pocket pistol held securely in its holster that you managed to forget about. It was a Glock 42, making him proud that he did his research on you because, if he was in your position right now, and the number of murders you committed were accurate, he’d be a goner already.

“(Y/n), if only you were as smart as you are beautiful.” He said, your eyes widening at the way he spoke but, more importantly, he knew your name. Your real name. Not the one you were given for this mission.

“How’d you-Ow!” You whimpered as he grabbed your hair, pulling you upwards until your back was flush with his chest.

Tears were pricking your eyes, your breathing heavy as you felt a cool metal press to your temple swallowing hard while simultaneously attempting to reach to your thigh discretely to find your own gun, only to find it was the one in his hand.

“When I read about you, I was so intrigued. So curious. You know there’s only one photo of you online and it’s a mugshot from when you were still living on the streets?” He laughed out loud at that, ignoring the way your body thrashed against his in an attempt to free yourself, head leaning further away from the possibly cocked gun in fear that he was finished monologuing already.

“But you’re really weak. And I’d usually like that in women, especially when they’re this submissive but, them wanting to kill me is a deal breaker. So what am I to do if I have the opportunity to murder my would-be assassin?” His lips were pressed to the shell of your ear, your eyes squeezed shut as you tried to silently apologize to the Nio’s. Sorry that you let your guard down, that you let some pretty face turn you into some horny teenager, the only plus side to your death being that it wouldn’t be Taeyong killing you because you knew how much he loved to torture before doing the deed. And with that final thought, you were ready to die, just hoping that someone else could finish the job you’ve failed tonight. And they did.

The sound of the door colliding with the wall was all you heard, followed by two hollow gunshots. Your eyes flew open as you felt Minhyun’s body fall limp against yours, hand slowly releasing your hair until you could move again, quickly shoving him off to adjust your dress to cover yourself before facing your silent savior, your heart stopping at the fierce, angry, “don’t move or I’ll kill you too” gaze Doyoung was giving you.

It was one thing to piss off Taeyong, you knew what to expect, but with Doyoung? He wasn’t a killer. In fact, he was the medic of your unit, coming along in case things went awry and someone needed instant care. He was a gentle person with a snappy attitude, but never one to act on his threats, so to see him with a gun in his hand, a body lying face first in blood from its skull and chest created by the man himself and approaching you with a scowl so deep you thought his baby face would finally start to wrinkle, you felt more fear than when you were almost dead.

“D-doyoung. Thank yo-“ You gasped as your head turned, eyes stinging with tears and cheek burning in both embarrassment and from the harsh impact his hand left.

You slowly peered up, afraid he’d strike you again just to see Yuta and Haechan slipping by silently, giving you a brief glance while collecting to fallen shells and your gun from Minhyun, only to leave you alone once more with the unpredictable aid.

“Doyoung-“

“Let’s go.”

Those were the only words he said before turning to head out of the office, your body immediately following close behind. He was silent the entire time, stuffing the pistol back into his waistband before buttoning his suit’s blazer to conceal it, leading the both of you through the still bumbling party and to the exit. Everything he did felt so tense despite being so normal. The way he spoke to the valets, how he entered the car without bothering to open the door for you, even his group call letting everyone know the task was done felt hostile. But you said nothing, continuing to wait idly by and praying he forgot about the situation.

You were tempted to break the awkward silence looming between the both of you on this seemingly hours long drive but, from the way he was radiating heat from how angry he was, you felt staying silent would be best. But you didn’t want to stay silent. You wanted to thank him for saving you while simultaneously screaming at him for slapping you, but also have one normal conversation with him. It was painful to admit that for the past few years you both weren’t exactly friendly with one another, no one seeming to care as “this was strictly business”, and you hated it. You never said it but you loved the Nio’s members and knew they loved you and each other as well, but for some reason the only two people that kept this family at arms length were the core members, Lee Taeyong and Kim Doyoung.

You knew Doyoung wasn’t a fan of the family ever since his father introduced him to that life, pissed he didn’t follow in his older brother’s footsteps and leave as soon as possible. He was supposed to be the heir to the family and be the boss of the 18 people living under his roof and the 7 working overseas in China to keep production there running and, as much as you didn’t want the responsibility, he was in too deep to run away. He opted to stop training for field work, developing a phony passion for medicine and surgery which led to him becoming the emergency medic for the team and no longer catching his father’s fancy for taking over their empire, leading to his heirship being rescinded. And as for the spot as heir? Doyoung’s father ordered Taeyong to fill. You knew Taeyong a lot better than the others but were utterly shocked to see him take over so easily. He was obviously a natural born leader but he had a habit of complaining about not always wanting to be in charge, using you as his unwilling therapist when he felt like reverting to his unintimidating, crybaby self. But there was no exit at this point, so what more could you do than make the most of a bad situation by befriending one another and having fun when you felt your lives were no longer in danger? And, whether they liked it or not, they were going to have fun with you and the rest of their constantly growing family.

“Y-you know, I was more scared of you then being killed back there. I’ve never seen you so mad.” You laughed, hoping to at least get a smile or something from him, your eyes glancing over to see his grip on the steering wheel tighten at your words. Maybe you should’ve just shut up.

“Doyoung, I’m sorry I put you in a situation where you had to kill, I know you hate stuff like that but, if it wasn’t for you, I’d probably be dead. Besides, it’s kinda like medicine if you think about it. Except you saved a life by taking one rather than just giving drugs to- OW!” You cried out as he slammed on the brakes, the only thing keeping you from flying through the windshield being your hands on the dashboard and the seatbelt crossed over your chest and waist.

“You bitch!” You snapped at him, watching his blank expression as he removed his seatbelt and turned off the car.

“Meet me in my office. You have five minutes.” Doyoung said plainly, your eyes fixed on him in bewilderment as he exited the car with no concern for you.

You let out an annoyed breath, your fear from before mixed with anger as you hurriedly followed his lead, leaving the car and speed walking to the front door he was entering through. To your surprise, most of the guys were there, not sparing either of you a glance as they knew what had happened and knew better than to interfere, but one person didn’t keep quiet.

“(Y/n), what the FUCK did I tell you?” Taeyong growled, your body practically jumping as he cornered you in the entrance’s corridor, eyes burning with anger and panic that you knew he had no way of controlling. He was always a hothead.

“I-I-“

“I’m having the meeting with her, Taeyong. Don’t bother. You have two minutes.” Doyoung spoke, voice fading as he continued down the hall to the small office he typically frequented to buy and sell shipment for Nio’s personal and professional use.

As soon as he was out of earshot, you grabbed Taeyong’s hands, eyes wide and teary as you tried to plead with him to save you.

“You went off where we couldn’t see you and didn’t even complete the mission. You could have been dead by now.”

“I know and you can punish however you want but, Taeyong, Doyoung is pissed, and I don’t know what to do. He already slapped me, now he’s not even speaking to me,”

“He never talks to you.”

“He does sometimes, when he wants to be a sarcastic asshole! But, please, Taeyong, talk to him. Calm him down so he doesn’t hurt me again.” You tried to use a soft voice, hoping to strike a sympathetic nerve in the doe-eyed man.

“(Y/n/n),” Taeyong sighed, cupping your face and making you lock eyes with him.

“You fucked up and made Doyoung do something he’s sworn to himself and us that he’d never do. His anger is justified. But I’ll be there for you whenever you’re in danger, whether it’d be an enemy or anyone living in this house, I’ll never let you get hurt.” He gave a warm smile, your lips curling to mimic his.

“But not tonight. You put us all at risk as you need to face the consequences.”

“Taeyong!”

“I’ll visit you in the infirmary later tonight.” You whimpered in fear as he kissed the crown of your head and pushed you in the direction of the office, heels clicking against the white marble floor as you stumbled to what might be your imminent doom.

You could taste blood in your mouth from the way you bit down on your tongue to ease your anxiety, your once statue-like body moving forward with caution although the chilly air was urging you to retreat. You couldn’t turn back because Taeyong would just escort you to Doyoung himself but if you went straight to Doyoung, who knows what he’d do. You couldn’t even take a second to cry over your dilemma once you noticed the dark brown mahogany door. The office was soundproof, something you both loved and hated. Whatever Doyoung wanted to scream at you would go unheard by the men possibly showering and preparing for bed after a somewhat successful evening, but then they wouldn’t hear you scream for help. It reminded you of earlier tonight, making the situation a bit more lighthearted until you realized you could’ve died then and would possibly die now.

“Oh god,” You breathed out in a whisper, shutting your eyes and taking a deep breath as your hand gripped the steel doorknob, turning it and entering the spacious and organized room.

“Doyoung.” You spoke lowly, shutting the door behind you but refusing to move any closer to him as he sat with an unrecognizable file before him.

“July of 2016, you were assigned to deliver a new batch of amphetamines to Xu Minghao who ran the Chinese operations of Sebong. Instead of cooperating with Weishen, AKA the Chinese sector of your own team, you thought doing the drop off yourself would be fine, only to let your guard down and let it slip that you were in Nio’s which promptly lead to you not only being ambushed, but Sicheng jumping in to save you and being shot in the lower back in the process.” He said blandly, flipping over the page to yet another as you swallowed hard at the memory, accidentally mentioning Haechan’s name and revealing you weren’t just a middle man in their operation but a direct asset, and Winwin payed the price for your stupidity.

“I remember just fine, but-“

“February of 2017, you knowingly entered enemy territory in Kyoto without alerting Yuta who, as you’ve always known, is in charge of our Japanese affairs. He has people over there for a reason, to handle the shit we can’t while we’re in Seoul. But you waltz over there and initiate a gang war that has only now been resolved.” He said, voice growing in annoyance and animosity that was a complete 180 from his once emotionless tone, your voice caught in your throat as you also remembered that day. You were on vacation and thought it’d be fine as long as you went in some disguise, but you were too well known and the fact you couldn’t speak Japanese only made it worse. You even remembered how Yuta refused to talk to you for months as he traveled constantly to fix your mistake.

“I-I know I fucked up that time but I tried to explain and I-“

“And that brings us to tonight! You had to stay in the spotlight with the man threatening not only your life but everyone you know in Nio’s and neighboring groups, and lead him back to the apartment we set up for you for a simple and quick execution, but you decide to go further into his mansion, expose yourself to him, and allow him to nearly murder you with your bare ass out!” His voice was strained as he screamed this time, your eyes watering as he pushed the large leather chair back to stand, making his way around the desk to approach you.

“I’d remind you about what happened in 2013, but I’m sure you’d never forget that.” He said with no emotion once more, your eyes low as you tried to suppress the urge to touch your slightly sunken head. Your our only job was to shoot if you saw someone escaping during an exchange but, instead, you were hit yourself, every medic working hard to keep you from dying and leaving you with a partially shaved head and a new metal plate in your skull.

“But I want you to tell me who saved your ass that time, (Y/n)?” His voice was playful now, emotions changing like an out of control radio station. Sometimes you wondered if he was just as mentally fucked as Taeyong.

You gasped when you felt his hand gripping your face, forcing your head up and back until your eyes met, a fire behind them that made your stomach swirl in fear but enchantment. You almost even forgot about how rough his grip on your jaw was because his hands were so soft, the warmth he let off no longer intimidating but causing you to turn to putty in his hands and wanting to fall against him in comfort and bliss. But the sudden harsh flick to your forehead made you realize he was anything but comforting.

“Stop acting like a touch starved dumbass and answer me. Who the fuck saved you from bleeding out in a filthy warehouse in the middle of fucking Daegu?” He said harshly, your eyes darkening as you tried to keep your composure.

“You did.”

“And you decided that me handling the responsibility of operating on you was some sentimental, heroic act and that from that day forth, you would make it everyone’s job to save you? That it was my job to save you?”

You felt your eyes tearing up again, lip quivering as a sob threatened to escape you and he could only let out a scoff, harshly pulling his hand back as he watched you cry.

“And now you’re crying.”

“I tried to thank you, I tried to apologize for making you save me yet you won’t let me! You slapped me! You’re screaming at me and making me feel bad when I already fucking feel bad. I know I’m fucking up and it’s hard on you guys but I-I just don’t know what to do! I’m tired and sick of having to live every second of my life knowing there is no one in this world I can trust and that I can never leave and that’s all I want, Doyoung! I just want to leave and be a normal person.”

The silence between you was deafening, almost loud in a way, but it was allowing you both to take in the words you said. You could see the look of conflict and annoyance on his face through your tears, a glimmer of what you both hoped and feared was sadness in his eyes as he rolled them to look anywhere but you. And what Doyoung saw of you was a breeding ground of trauma and dysfunction.

You were no different from anyone there, your life story was so similar to most of theirs that no one had time to pity you. You joined Nio’s when you were only 10, hair matted and filthy like the clothes you wore, hands stained red with blood and a look in your eyes that screamed frustration but hopelessness. You were the perfect tool for his father and it was sad watching yet another lost soul fall into this lifestyle. But you proved to be so capable of yourself, strong and competent but, after the death of his father, something in you changed. You were emotional, distracted, constantly agreeing to do task but never fully connecting mentally. He even noticed you screaming in the middle of the night from nightmares. Whether you remembered or not, you and Doyoung were close, so close it managed to shift the atmosphere of Nio’s into something enjoyable and worthy of being part of, but he knew it wasn’t good for you to stay. Not for any of you. So he gave you a chance to leave, a chance to live your life the way you had always told him you wanted, but you didn’t take it. Your reason? Taeyong. You never explained why he was the reason you were staying but the way you constantly clung to their leader like you were his lapdog was all the clarification that he needed. For Doyoung, the closeness you shared and the desire you both had of living normal lives was nothing compared to the same greed for power you shared with Taeyong. So he stopped trying to save you, stopped focusing on how to help you preserve what little of your sanity was left until now. Seeing you at your breaking point made it clear to him that even if this life would follow you forever, letting you go was better than having everyone killed from your mistakes. And, if you left, whatever problems haunted you would be yours to face alone, and he was fine with that.

“You will never be a normal person. And whatever life you choose to live will be as stressful as this one because you’ll spend every second looking over your shoulder wondering who’s out to get you. But, you’re dead weight now, and it’s unfair we’re the ones that have to keep carrying you. I don’t care when or where you go, just leave.” His tone was harsh and cold, the relief you felt at his words not enough to ease the pressure in your chest.

Doyoung’s no longer had power to make these decisions once Taeyong was appointed as leader, so you knew without the boss’ approval his word meant nothing. But, if you had the chance to run, why not take it? Maybe for one day, you could be free, probably take the time you needed to hide away from Nio’s and the crime world you knew all too well. You had no set plan, but sticking around trying to making one would do you no good.

“T-thank you. Thank you for everything.” You said with a small voice and deep bow, Doyoung not bothering to look at you as you hurriedly exited the room to head to yours and pack any belongings you needed for your new life.

You knew this life was hard to leave yet lived with the ignorant optimism that there was always some escape and no turning back. Unfortunately for you, you were simply a butterfly living in an airtight jar and, no matter where you turned, the air you needed was nowhere to be found and, tonight, was the beginning of your suffocation.

[cakejots]

this is us trying, Chapter 10 - The Epilogue

In this AU, they don’t know each other outside of the suit. And in this AU, Ladybug and Chat Noir love each other. But in this AU, Chat doesn’t want their identities revealed.

Written for @ladynoirjuly 2021

notes: the last chapter consists of the last 2 prompts

Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5 | Ch 6 | Ch 7 | Ch 8 | Ch 9 | Ch 10

Read on AO3

30. Rose

Chat was down on one knee, a palm placed right on top of his heart, and presenting something red to her.

A rose. It was something she hasn’t seen much ever since the final battle, minus the time of the reveal because that was special, but it really has been a while since he last held out a red rose to her.

And he was down on one knee in a very public area. Parisians were watching.

“Chaton, what are you doing!” She spoke through gritted teeth, which just made her seem like she’s smiling with her white teeth.

“A display of affection!” A shit-eating grin sat on his handsome face.

Ladybug made a noise. “I can see that! And it’s very sweet of you, but right here?!” she yelled in a whisper.

“I think Parisians need an update that we’re officially together meow.” His smile grew wider.

And she finally caught on. It has been at least 6 months since she proposed her stupid idea of patrolling around when they were actually dating. But ever since they’ve gotten together, they patrolled, really patrolled, around Paris.

So an update they’ll give. Ladybug walked over to Chat and took the rose from his hand to give it a long sniff. Chat stood from the ground and waited until she’s done before wrapping his arms around her waist, drawing her closer. Ladybug giggled and snaked her arms around his neck, pressing her lips onto his. They heard the crowd around them cheering before they could get lost in the kiss.

They pulled back slightly, still looking at each other adoringly before they directed their attention to the crowd. Sure enough, phones can be seen in their hands. With pink cheeks, they posed for a few photos and said their thank-yous in response to their blessings. Ladybug and Chat Noir then made their way, hand in hand, to a nearby rooftop.

“You think that’ll bring an interview our way, my lady?”

“It’s Alya, Chaton. Once she catches wind of this, of course she will,” she ran her hand up their once-connected hold to his chin to scratch. “Her LadyNoir ship has finally sailed after all.”

“Our superhero ship name, huh?” He fluttered his eyes close, really enjoying it when she does that.

Ladybug stopped her ministrations gradually. “Mon Chaton, what’s the real reason for giving me a rose?”

Chat opened his eyes and smiled sheepishly. “I realised I haven’t given you anything ever since we became official, as our civilian selves.”

“A romantic at heart, huh?” She flicked his bell. “Thank you.”

He twinkled and placed a kiss on her knuckles. “Anything for you, my lady.”

They made their way home after patrolling around for a while longer, and Ladybug de-transformed the moment the balls of her feet touched the floor. She gave Chat a quick kiss on the cheek before finding a suitable vase for the rose. A soft look reserved only for her sat on Adrien’s face as his eyes lingered on Marinette before she disappeared around the corner.

Marinette exited the kitchen with a cup of tea in her hands when she suddenly came to a halt. Adrien was down on one knee again, but this time, instead of a single rose, he held out a bouquet to her.

“Adrien?”

“Yes, my love?” His eyes were shining.

She blushed at the endearment. “Why am I receiving something from you again?”

“Can’t I shower my lady with gifts?” His pupils were dilated.

“You can, you absolutely can.” She placed her cup down on a nearby table and went to help him up before taking the bouquet from him. “And I’m not complaining.”

Marinette hugged the bouquet and brought it to her face before lifting her head, a smile on her face. “Thank you again, Adrien.”

Adrien leaned in to kiss her cheek. “I’m glad you like it, Marinette. Red suits you really well.”

“It’s really lovely.” Her cheeks bloomed and she sniffed it once again. “So… what's the reason?”

He brought a hand to his chest.  “My lady, can’t I give you anything without you assuming I’ve an ulterior motive?”

She tilted her head.

“I can't hide anything from you huh?”

She gave him a sly smirk.

He released a short breath of laughter. “I would like to take you out on a date, as Adrien and Marinette.”

Her smirk turned into one of surprise. “Wow, I wasn’t expecting that.”

It was his turn to be smug.

“Is this for an event or?”

“Just the two of us having dinner together.”

Marinette looked at the clock. “It’s not today, is it?”

“My lady, I would never.” He placed his hand on the small of her back to pull her in. “I know how important it is for you to have enough time to prepare.”

“Adrien! The flowers!” Her lips curved downwards as their bodies squashed the bouquet a little.

He chuckled, picking the bouquet from her arms and settling it down on the table where her cup sat before his arms rounded her waist, peering at her earnestly. “Is that a no?”

Marinette pulled him down for a kiss before smiling. “It’s a yes. Of course it’s a yes, you silly kitty.”

.

A day had passed since Adrien told her about the dinner date, and Marinette was currently in her home choosing the perfect outfit to wear for it. It’s her dream to date openly with her kitty, masks off. And now that she’s finally going out on a date with Adrien, she had to look her best for this special occasion.

The problem was, she had no idea which outfit was suitable for the date.

“Chaton, what will you be wearing for the date?”

Adrien was currently sitting on her bed admiring her vast creations of apparel as she dug through her wardrobe.

“Why, just a normal suit you’ll wear for dinner,” he smiled, knowing exactly what her dilemma was.

“Not very helpful, Chaton.” Her voice was muffled as she had the top half of her body shoved into the wardrobe to dig deeper. “Have you seen anything suitable from those on the bed?”

“I think any one of them is perfect, my lady,” the smugness on his face grew larger by the second.

“Chaton!” She whipped around and stomped her foot. “I really need some advice here.”

She’s so endearing even when she’s angry, can he get any luckier? “And I’m giving you legitimate advice, anything here is stunning.”

Marinette made a strangled noise. “Okay, fine then. Where are we eating?”

“It’s a secret, Buguinette,” he winked.

“Adrieeen!” She whined. “Okay, okay, calm down Marinette. Just think logically. Your boyfriend loves spoiling you, so it’s reasonable to think he’ll bring you to a nice and classy restaurant…”

She glimpsed at him, and he just smiled.

Marinette groaned. “As dreamy as you are with that smile, it’s not really helping me with my predicament here.”

“Marinette, it’s like I said earlier, any—”

“—one of them is fine,” she finished his sentence. “Yeah yeah, I’m painfully aware.”

She activated her kitty eyes. “May I know the colour of your suit at least? Please, Chaton?”

Adrien was offended. How dare she use his own weapon against him. And it worked so well. It’s no wonder Marinette can never say no.

“N-N—”

“Pleaseee!” She made herself look even cuter than before.

Man, it sucked to be the receiving end of it.

“Oh alright,” he gave up, “I’m wearing black.”

He was tackled onto her bed in an instance. “Yay! Thank you, Chaton! Now I can narrow down the number of outfits to choose from!” She flashed him a genuine smile.

Maybe he should’ve just let loose some facts earlier. Her happiness is his dopamine.

.

They walked through a hotel to get to the restaurant Adrien had in mind. Marinette still had no idea which one it was, but she was definitely right on him wanting to spoil her.

The walk was a long one, but she couldn’t find herself complaining. With no one else around but themselves, it indeed felt like they were in their own mini-world. Their hands were clasped together tightly, with Adrien rubbing his thumb soothingly on the back of her hand. Marinette had never admitted it but she really loved it and found it comforting when Adrien ran circles on her skin. She almost wanted to just push him into a corner and make out for a while given how private the moment felt.

But Adrien’s hand was starting to get clammy for some unknown reason, and she was about to call out to him when they suddenly stopped in front of a square mirror.

They looked so adorable together Marinette honestly wanted to snap a few pictures and keep them as cherished memories. It was their first after all. But before she did that, she directed her attention towards him to wait on him, except he was already looking at her.

“I would like to share a picture of us on my account?”

Oh.

His forehead had beads of sweat. And his hands were still damp.

Oh.

“I don’t see why not?” She dug her purse for something. “My face’s already on your account, no?”

“You are, and the public has been very accepting of our relationship as of late.”

She brought tissues to his face. “Then why are you sweating so much?”

Adrien let her dab the sweat off his face. “I was worried you’ll see it as me trying to give you exposure through my account.”

“Well, seeing that you said any outfit of mine was stunning enough, isn’t it?” She smiled.

He winced when she acknowledged it. Yet, she kept smiling.

“But…?”

“It’s your account,” she booped his nose with her finger. “You decide what goes on it.”

Relief flashed across his face.

“Besides, there’s only so much I can do to get my designs out there.”

“So—”

“Yes, I don’t mind it. And I really really want to keep memories of this night.” She turned both of them towards the mirror. “Just look at us! We look so cute together!”

Adrien laughed as he stepped behind her to wrap his arms around her waist. “As my lady wishes.”

Marinette took out her phone, getting ready to take a few photos. Her hand enclosed his as Adrien bent a little to kiss her temple, and she captured the image of them in the mirror.

She swiped through to find the one which had them both looking the best. “How’s this for your account?”

“You look gorgeous,” he breathed as he placed another kiss on her cheek.

“And you look charming,” she giggled. “Now let’s take cute and silly pictures together!”

Marinette escaped from his arms to stand beside him and posed.

He chuckled. “Buguinette? Our dinner?”

“Yes, I’m hungry too. So hurry up!”

31. Pound it

“Buguinette,” Chat called out.

“Chaton,” Ladybug replied.

He smiled at her attempt to be kittenish.

“The interview with your friend Alya is this Friday,” he detailed.

And she confirmed. “Indeed it is.”

“And I was thinking…” he drawled.

“And you were thinking…” she rephrased.

“Can you formally introduce Alya to me?”

Ladybug blinked in surprise before her smile returned.

“You want to get to know my friends,” she stated.

He nodded. “Indeed I do.”

“I can do that. But…” she hummed.

“But?”

“Why don’t we go on a double date with Alya and Nino?”

Chat tilted his head. “Nino?”

“Alya’s boyfriend and my childhood friend!” She puffed her chest proudly. “I’ve a feeling you’ll be best buds!”

Ladybug suddenly had her back flat on the rooftop, a certain cat had tackled her into lying down and he was rubbing his cheek against hers.

“Thank you, my lady! Thank you!”

She patted his head. “Of course, mon Chaton.”

Chat let her go and hovered above her.

Ladybug brought her hand to his cheek. “Your eyes are sparkling.”

“Of course they are!” He grabbed her wrist and smiled. “I’ll have two new friends at the end of the double date! Two!”

“You so sure,” she chuckled.

He kissed her palm. “They must be as awesome as you are, so yes.”

“Well then, we better finish up with patrol soon!” Ladybug pushed herself up. “So that I can call Alya as soon as we arrive home!”

.

They had collectively decided on a game night at the Agreste mansion. And since Adrien didn’t have the dancing video game Alya and Nino love playing, Alya will be bringing that game over so that they can all play together.

Adrien and Marinette were in charge of providing dinner for them all, and Alya had suggested ordering some delivery. Adrien, aiming to be a good host, wanted to cook but Marinette assured him that calling for delivery would suffice.

Now that preparations for the game night were done, all they had to do was wait for their friends’ arrival. Still, they were taking a while to get here, since it’s a workday after all. Marinette suggested playing some video games to pass time, and they were back in his room again.

Maybe they got bored of playing the same video games. Maybe they got tired of waiting for their friends and were beginning to get restless at their tardiness. Whatever it was, Adrien and Marinette were currently making out on his bed. Their hands grabbed any body part they could get hold of, and their lips wet from all the kissing and biting.

It had started out like any other kiss they had had, until Adrien got cheekier and started nibbling on her lower lip. The mewls she let loose spurred him on and he bit down and pulled. Marinette moaned and released her hold on his neck. Her brows furrowed as he caressed her cheek and tasted his lips, a smirk sitting on his face; warmth burst forth within his chest at what he was able to do to her. She pushed him onto his back to straddle him, her fingers sprawled and glided across his chest, shoulders and neck, before reaching up to play with his hair. Marinette leaned towards his face, leaving butterfly kisses on his forehead, nose, lips, chin, jaw, and finally stopping at his ear. She started licking and grazing her teeth on his ear, giving it a nibble before moving down to his pulse to suck.

Adrien was quick to grab her face and brought her lips back to his before she could leave a mark.

“We’ll have guests over soon, Marinette,” he breathed over her lips.

“You didn’t seem to have that in mind when you bit my lips, Adrien,” she growled and gripped his hair hard. Adrien groaned and Marinette’s tongue traced over his lips before sliding into his mouth. It felt around, eager to roam and discover each and every corner it could reach. Adrien breathlessly drank her onslaught, enjoying her strawberry flavoured lips and the thrill that was coursing through his being. He hummed as his hands clutched onto her hips as tightly as they could, and she licked his lips once more before biting down on his lower lips to pull and suck.

Adrien moaned in approval and Marinette smirked at his reaction. When he finally realised what he had just done, he opened his eyes to see his lover’s face full of smugness. But it didn’t last long as she was flipped onto her back.

“Two can play this game, Marinette,” he grunted and devoured her lips. His hand interlaced with hers, bringing them above her head while the other caressed her cheek. Marinette felt herself trembling and whimpering as he continued to kiss her vehemently and his hands caressed her body as it went down her neck, down the side of her chest, down her waist before travelling under her shirt to brush her ribs tenderly. Adrien’s mouth ghosted over her burning cheek to the side of her face and nipped her ear. She gasped and Adrien pressed his body into hers harder. Marinette felt hot all over, she wrapped her legs around his hips and twisted her core to sit on top of him once again. She wasted no time and went straight for his neck. The desire to one-up each other continued for who knows how long until Marinette’s phone rang.

They sprang apart for Marinette to answer her phone.

“Marinette? Are you not home? We’ve been ringing the bell for over a minute now,” came Alya’s voice.

Marinette was horrified, they got so carried away that they didn’t even realise the doorbell had been ringing that long.

She swallowed hard. “O-Oh! We must’ve f-fallen asleep or something! We’re coming to get you now!”

Hastily, she hung up and pulled Adrien out of the room, almost falling in the process. “It’s Alya! T-They're here!”

Adrien’s eyes grew to the size of saucers and they ran to the front door.

“Uhh,” Nino started, “are we interrupting somethi—”

“No,” Marinette answered before Nino could finish his sentence.

Alya snickered and snapped a photo.

Their hair was a mess, they had their cheeks ablaze, and lips red and swollen. Fierce red marks can be seen on their skins as well.

“Look!” Alya shoved her phone into Marinette’s face.

“I know how I look, don’t show me that,” she covered the screen with her hands and turned around. “Come on in.”

Alya looked at Adrien and smirked. “Don’t worry, Sunshine. I’ll send it to you later.”

Adrien crimsoned.

Marinette showed her friends where the game night would take place before heading to another toilet to tidy up. Adrien used the toilet in his room.

Both of them returned to the room, only to have Alya and Nino challenge them to a showdown.

Marinette knew Alya and Nino have been totally in sync ever since they got together. She wasn’t as surprised about their score as Adrien was; he was really impressed.

When it was their turn, Adrien stood and offered his hand to her. Marinette chuckled and took his hand, moving to the play area hand in hand.

Alya and Nino were shocked that they got a near-perfect score. After their ‘workout’, the four of them sat on the sofa and enjoyed their dinner.

“My little sis has finally found the one,” Nino wiped fake tears away. “Adrien, you’re a mec!”

Adrien beamed at the nickname Nino had given him, and Alya was really glad that Nino liked Adrien enough to call him ‘Mec’.

“Nino look!” Alya showed him the picture Adrien had of them on his account. “Aren’t they adorable?”

“Oh! Marinette, you finally gave him that scarf huh?” Marinette nodded. “See, there's nothing to worry about, Adrien looked like he really loved it, don’t you mec?”

Adrien’s smile faltered a bit, but he nodded nonetheless.

“Nino!” Alya whacked his forearm. “He’s not supposed to know that!” she whispered harshly.

“You’re worried that I wouldn’t like it?” Adrien looked at Marinette. Alya just smacked her forehead and Nino slapped his hand on his mouth.

“Uhh, yeah…” she admitted. “Honestly this was a huge gamble for me because I really didn’t know if scarves are even your kinda stuff.”

She held his hand. “But I’m glad you like it! Your reactions when you first saw it will forever be carved in my memory. And when I saw that you wore it on our first public date, I almost cried,” she laughed a bit.

Adrien placed his hand on the back of her head to bring her towards him, and he pressed his lips to her forehead. “I love it, Marinette, please don’t doubt yourself.” Then he whispered. “I hardly receive things from anyone, so really, I’m delighted I could even get anything from you.”

Marinette gawked at him and tackled. “You’ll be receiving tons from me from now on.”

Alya crossed her arms. “Mhm,” and nodded, “sickeningly sweet.”

“Man, you’re not wrong. I could really get diabetes from this,” Nino acknowledged.

Adrien sat up and Marinette let go of him, both had rosy cheeks, but they were still looking at each other.

“And has anyone scouted you yet, Marinette?” Nino waved to get her attention. “You said something about giving Adrien tons of gifts?”

“Shit. I totally forgot about updating you guys,” she scratched the back of her head. “There was a number and I’ve been discussing with Adrien to see which one is the most suitable before I reply to them.”

Adrien was gleaming and Alya and Nino were frowning but they just looked constipated because they were also delighted by the news she just dropped. And they spent the rest of the night congratulating Marinette and enjoying themselves: playing, eating, and talking.

And Adrien got two new friends.

.

The livestream of the Ladyblog had already started when Ladybug and Chat Noir suddenly dropped down onto the seats reserved for them.

“So you guys were making out and lost track of time?” Alya shot them knowing looks.

Ladybug and Chat Noir regarded each other and saw that their lips were redder than usual. Their cheeks were flaming and their hair was messier as well. They scarlet even more than Alya thought possible.

So much for looking prim and proper.

“Anyway, has my LadyNoir ship finally sailed?”

“If this,” Ladybug signalled to the both of them, “isn’t enough proof then I don’t know what else to tell you, Alya.”

Alya addressed the livestream once again. “Well, there you have it, folks! They’re official now!”

Ladybug beamed. “Wait, that’s it?”

“Wouldn’t you like that?” The sly smirk from before came back onto Alya’s face.

Her cheeks blazed and Chat took Ladybug’s hand to hold and caress, throwing her soft and loving gazes. “My lady.”

Ladybug smiled, remembering that they were in this together. “Alright, any questions you and the viewers of Ladyblog have, we’ll answer them.”

“Well, it was really beautiful to see your relationship grow from your first day till now,” Alya praised. “So, any plans to get married?”

Ladybug chuckled while Chat smiled broadly and answered. “That’s the plan, isn’t it?”

“You hear that, viewers?” Alya squealed. “We’re going to have a miraculous wedding!”

She turned her attention back to them. “Any dates in mind?”

“That’s for us to decide and for you to find out in due time,” Ladybug returned.

Alya’s eyes glowed. “So we’re invited?”

Chat spoke this time. “We’ll see, Alya. We’ll see.”

“You guys are being vague here, is it a yes or a no?” She furrowed her brows.

“Thank you for your service all this while, Alya,” Ladybug added and gave her the best smile she could offer before clapping her hands. “Next question!”

They landed on the top of the Louvre Museum and made themselves comfortable, the interview playing on her bug phone.

“The comment section seems very ecstatic for us,” she grinned.

“I mean, didn’t you see, my lady? We’re ‘so cute together’, we’re ‘couple goals’,” Chat scrolled through the comments and twinkled. “I think they really are.”

“Bien joué ?” Ladybug smiled and brought her fist towards him.

He connected his fist with hers. “Bien joué !”

Chat saw her smirk, but it still didn’t prepare him for Ladybug’s unprompted endearment. He froze for a second before cupping her cheek and deepening the kiss.

.

The next day, a picture of their kiss on top of the Louvre Museum was submitted by an anonymous user to the Ladyblog, and it was the first thing one would see when they accessed the site. Ladybug and Chat Noir were extremely pleased that it was a very flattering image of them both, and they made absolutely sure to download the image for themselves, a reminder of how far they’ve come together.

[mackinmacki]

The Growth of Winter (White Rose Week #4)

Fandom: RWBY

Pairing: White Rose

Word Count: 7424

Rating: G

Synopsis: As the goddess of winter, Weiss is used to being lonely. She's ignored by the other gods, and cursed by the humans below for her season. She expects an eternity of that, until a little goddess decides she wants to step into her life.

Prompt: Goddesses

Links: FFN | AO3

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There was nothing wrong with the season that she had become associated with. She found winter to be beautiful, with its chilly mornings and freezing nights. To compliment the temperatures, she had created a white, powdery substance that the humans called 'snow'. The name felt right, and on some cold nights, she would walk down the lonely paths the humans had made with their footfalls and make snow fall around her. She loved to watch the ground turn from brown to white, becoming so beautifully pristine. In her more fanciful moments, she thought of falling into the snow and just sinking into its embrace.

However, not everyone loved the winter like she did. When the temperatures started to change, the humans below would bemoan the death of their crops. They would pray to the goddess of growth for assistance, and in the same breath would curse her for bringing such a cold season upon their lands. She would scowl at such cheek, as the land had been created for them. They did not own it. In an instant, she could erase the world and their existence from the chaos. 

More than anger, though, she felt an irreparable sadness. When the snow would melt, and the sun would shine brightly, she would watch the humans cheer. They tended to their fields, and they would make offerings to the goddesses of growth and fire. Watching them pay such respect to other goddesses and not to her made her feel miserable inside, which in turn only made the winters colder. The few sacrifices she ever got were from humans that she suspected were better off not being associated with her.

She spent most of her time alone because of that. Even when there were gatherings of the gods, she kept her distance from the rest of them. None of them paid her much mind, and that was fine with her. Even if it ate away at her insides that not even her fellow immortals wanted to associate with her, she had to pretend that it was fine. Showing weakness would only make things worse for her. Besides, she didn't need any companionship. With her powers, she could make friends. She could carve wolves and bears out of ice and breathe life into them. They would follow her to the ends of the earth if she so willed them. It just wasn't the same as someone wanting to be around her without coercion.

That all led to the day where everything changed. It was at another gathering that she went to reluctantly. During the summer, she felt more comfortable staying in the place she had carved out for herself in the world. It was an area that was far from civilization: always cold, always foreboding. Whenever she went to those gatherings, she never felt like she was home. There were gods and goddesses all around her, yet she never felt more alone. That was, until for the first time, she was approached by someone.

"Hi there!" She had just been sitting in her chair, keeping to herself like she always did. Naturally, she was startled by the sudden appearance. Jumping onto her feet, she found herself staring right into the most arresting eyes she had ever seen. "You're Weiss, right? We've never spoken before, so I wanted to come say hi!" It was Ruby, the goddess of growth and younger sister to the goddess of fire, Yang. That was quite unexpected.

"Yes, we haven't." She felt on edge, wondering if there was some ulterior motive to Ruby coming to talk to her. It just didn't seem likely that she would just appear out of the blue to initiate conversation --- she was too important to humanity for that. Like the other gods and goddesses, she knew all about Ruby. Crafted from starlight by the god of the sun and entwined with the reddest flowers on Remnant, she was beyond reproach. The other gods and goddesses adored her cuteness and her constant, beautiful smile, while the humans praised her for the growth she brought their crops. It was the kind of praise she herself would never receive. "I know who you are."

"Yeah, I've heard that before." Ruby laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck. It was hard to look away from her with how adorable she was being. She knew that others found their eyes drawn to Yang, as a goddess of incredible strength and attractiveness. While she wasn't there to judge, she was starting to wonder if their wandering eyes weren't better trained on the young goddess standing in front of her. Her cute smile was positively blinding. "I guess I should have expected such a pretty goddess like you to know what everyone's talking about."

"Pretty?" She blinked, wondering if she had heard that correctly. When she determined that yes, she had heard Ruby correctly, her face started to heat up. "Well, naturally. I always keep abreast of what's happening with the other gods and goddesses." She expected the conversation to end there, and for Ruby to go back to speak with the others. However, she instead stuck around, standing there and fidgeting as if desperate to say something else. "Are you alright, Ruby?"

"I like the snow you created." That took her aback. She had never heard someone say that they liked the snow. Sure, they would say that it was pretty, but the way their sentences dragged on without words, she knew they wished for clearer ground. It never made sense to her, and it fed into her sadness and isolation. To hear someone actually say they liked it was throwing her for a loop. "It's so pretty! Every time I see that it's snowing, I wanna just dive in and roll around in it. I wish we had snow in the spring."

"I don't think you want that." She rolled her eyes, sensing the naivety dripping from Ruby's tone. "The humans aren't as fond of it as you are." She could only imagine the uproar that would happen if it started snowing during the spring. All the crops would die when they were supposed to be blooming, and then she would be cursed again for her existence. The thought soured her extremely.

"But it's so pretty! Yang and I watch it snowing in the winter and I just love how it looks. It makes the world look so pure and beautiful. I wish more people could see that as well." She could barely believe what she was hearing. The cutest goddess in the entire pantheon was talking to her, and telling her how beautiful her creation was. It made her nearly speechless, wanting to try and hold on to those words verbatim as long as she could.

"I do too," she whispered, feeling an aching pang in her heart. If only the others felt the same was as Ruby did, then maybe she wouldn't be so alone. "It's nice to just walk in the cold of the night and let the snow fall around me, coating the ground in its purity. There's no better place to just be by yourself and think." She figured it was better if she didn't say out loud exactly what she was always thinking about.

"Yeah, it seems awesome! I wanna do it next time the snow falls!" She seemed so innocent and truthful, despite everything in her mind telling her that it had to be nothing but lies. Why would Ruby want to spend time in her environment, though? Most of the gods and goddesses stayed up in their home when the first flakes of snow fell, leaving her to wander the lands alone. To hear Ruby say that made her heart feel warm.

"Well, nothing's stopping you. I can always take you on a walk during the winter if you want." She didn't expect to see Ruby's eyes light up so brightly from such a simple offer. It felt like she was going to be blinded by those shining silver eyes. Only her sudden need to keep focused on Ruby kept her from looking away, not wanting to miss a second of the goddess in front of her.

"Really? You really mean that?" She nodded, wondering why Ruby would think she didn't mean it. Why else would she offer up the opportunity, then? "Ooh yay! I can't wait!" She started to hop up and down, drawing attention towards them from a couple other gods. Embarrassed, Weiss finally looked away from Ruby, trying to pretend that the two of them weren't in each other's company. "I wish it was winter already!"

"Why would you want that?" Both of them were surprised by the appearance of a third party. The wild blonde hair of the goddess slapping her strong hands down on Ruby's shoulders, nearly making her knees buckle, gave away exactly who it was: Yang, the goddess of fire, and Ruby's big sister. Closely related to the god of the sun, also known as her father, Yang was revered among humans and gods alike for her beauty as well as her strength. She was always willing to show both traits off. "Summer's the best, sis! It's so hot and perfect for competition!"

"I know, but we're always playing in the sun! Wouldn't it be fun to spend some time in the snow?" Ruby shrugged off Yang's hands, circling around to jump onto her back. "You scared of getting cold?" Yang's eyes started to burn, which made Weiss take a couple of steps back. It seemed as if the temptation of competition got her fired up.

"No way! I burn so bright that all the snow will just melt!" She reached back to try and grab Ruby, who slipped off her back and stuck her tongue out at her. The two of them then began to playfully shove and trash talk each other, forgetting that Weiss was even there. Lowering her eyes, she decided it was time to leave. Clearly the conversation was over, and there wasn't another reason for her to keep being there. So while the sisters were distracted, she disappeared from the gathering.

"Wait wait wait!" Ruby ducked out of Yang's grasp, looking to where Weiss had previously been standing. Now there was just nothing but an empty chair. "Where did she go?"

"Where'd who go?" Yang slung an arm around Ruby's shoulder, looking where she was looking. "Oh, Weiss? The snowflake queen's probably ducked out or somethin'. She never sticks around for our gatherings. Always been a loner and all that."

"Oh..." Ruby frowned, still staring at the empty spot. "That sucks," she muttered to herself, thinking about the extremely pretty lady who controlled all the cool-looking snow, and how maybe there had been something more in her eyes than she originally let on. "Everyone should have a friend."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There were different sounds around her humble, wintery abode that she had learned to ignore. The wind was always blowing outside, sending flurries swirling around the wood that her house was built out of. Occasionally, when her mood was as low as it was then, the wind would be enough to make the entire place shake a bit. She would have to ignore the rattling of her meager cooking supplies and other trinkets on their shelves. All of those sounds had become commonplace to her, but knocking on her door? That was unusual.

She cautiously walked to the door, holding her breath as she pressed her ear to the wood. It could have been something outside that hit her door, and it just happened to sound like knocking. If there was actually someone there, they would knock again- There it was: another knock. She stood up straight, frowning. Who in the world would be foolish enough to venture all the way into the tundra just to see her? Who even knew she was there? On edge now, she opened the door, expecting the worst.

"Hi Weiss!" Her jaw dropped upon seeing Ruby and Yang standing at her door. Ruby was bundled up in a large jacket that seemed to have been sewn together out of grass blades and different-colored flowers. On anyone else, she would have scoffed at such ridiculous attire, but Ruby made it look adorable. She looked so warm, comfortable, and so... so her. This fit the tales she had heard of the young goddess with ears tuned to idle gossip.

"Let us in," Yang huffed out through gritted teeth. Unlike her warmly-dressed sister, she was just standing there in a yellow top with a black symbol drawn on it. From what she remembered wandering about Remnant, it looked like a symbol of fire that the humans had made in honor of her. She didn't look particularly fiery at the moment. Between that top and her leggings that were cut off at the knees, she was dressed for a warm summer day, not the frozen landscape she found herself in.

Rolling her eyes, she stepped back and let Yang burst into the house. "Great Father, it's still cold in here! How do you live like this?!" Ruby followed in after her, laughing as she thanked Weiss for giving them shelter. She could only nod stiffly, struck dumb by how beautiful Ruby's laugh sounded.

"Because she's the goddess of winter, genius." Weiss shut the door, wondering why just seeing Ruby in her house was making her heart beat like crazy. She barely even knew her! "I thought you said you could handle this kind of weather. You seem, you know..." She sidled over to Yang, placing a gloved hand on her bare arm and whispering in her ear. "... cold."

"I..." Yang threw her hands up, groaning before bowing in defeat. "Fine, alright? I'm cold! I can't hack it, alright? You happy?!" The huge smile on Ruby's face showed that yes, she was very happy. "Ugh, can we get a fire going in here or something? Ah, you know what? Never mind, I'll do it myself." Holding out her hands, a ball of flames suddenly appeared floating in her palms. It grew larger, until it seemed to engulf her hands. "Ahh, that's much better!"

"Please don't set my chairs on fire." Shaking her head in disbelief, Weiss decided it was better to spend her time looking at Ruby. She just happened to look at her at the same time as Ruby turned to face her. Now they were looking in each other's eyes, and she couldn't take the purity inside them. She looked away first, a blush on her cheeks as she remembered that there was an important question she was supposed to ask. "What are you two doing here?"

"We came to see you, of course!" Ruby acted like that was the most normal thing in the world, when it most assuredly was not. Nobody came to visit her: nobody even knew where she lived! Which was actually a good follow-up question once she got a word in edgewise. "I was talking with Yang, and we decided that it wasn't fair that you had to live out here all alone with no friends."

"She decided that, Yang chimed in, sitting down on one of Weiss's chairs with her hands still on fire. "I came because I wasn't going to let my lil' sis get lost finding your crazy living conditions. If this is where you choose to live, I can't imagine where your followers build your temples."

"That's their business," she huffed back, deciding to not admit that she didn't have enough temples built in her honor to be picky about their locations. "... You know what? What do you mean by that?" She narrowed her eyes at Ruby, her initial question being forgotten by a newer, more-important one. "What do you mean by saying I have no friends?"

"Well, do you?" Ruby's blunt response caught her completely off-guard. She stood there with her mouth opening, trying to make words come out that would say that she had plenty of friends, or even that she didn't need friends. Instead, she looked like a fish flopping about on the bottom of a fisherman's boat. There was no need for her to even say anything at that point.

"No... I don't have any friends." She couldn't even put on a strong front because she knew how pathetic the truth was. The other gods didn't bother to spend time with her, her worshippers were few and crazy at that, and her family was... complicated, to say the least. For her, this was normal. Having someone like Ruby come all this way just to talk with her was foreign. "Don't look at me like that," she felt compelled to respond when she saw Ruby looking at her with the biggest, saddest puppy-dog eyes.

"But Weisss!" Ruby wrapped her up in a surprisingly tight hug which almost took her breath away. However, it wasn't because Ruby was squeezing the air out of her lungs, but because she had hugged her. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt such pure affection from someone, if it had ever happened. It was making her feel things that she knew she shouldn't be. "Everyone deserves a friend! Let me be your friend!" She let go of her and started bouncing on her toes, her eyes wide and eager. "Please please pleeease?!"

"Alright, alright! You don't have to beg!" She had never met someone quite like Ruby. There were a plethora of personalities within their pantheon, but never had she found a fellow deity who was just so uncompromisingly energetic and nice. It threw her well-crafted wall that tried to keep her from feeling too hurt out the window. She felt bare without that wall, with all kinds of emotions washing over her that she had tried so hard not to feel. Knowing that there was someone like Ruby made her feel lonely for having not known her sooner. "I suppose we can be friends, as long as you behave."

"Good luck with that. She's a real hassle to reign in." Ruby whipped around, looking crushed at Yang's utter betrayal. "If you turn around for one second, poof-" She flicked the fire from her left hand out of existence. "-she's gone. I'm surprised she's stayed still long enough to talk to you in the first place."

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang!" She drew her name out so long, Weiss was surprised she still had enough breath to keep talking. "Don't embarrass me in front of my new friend!" She whirled back around to face Weiss, looking legitimately concerned. "That's not true, Weiss! I can stand here as long as you want! I'll stay here all night if you want me to!"

"You... don't have to do that, Ruby." How could she just so casually say she would stay at her place all night? Nobody just said that so innocently like that! She knew that some of the other gods - well, most of the other gods - had certain proclivities that she personally did not take part in. Saying that she would 'stay all night' was par for the course, really, but it didn't sound like she expected it to coming out of Ruby's mouth. It sounded way too innocent for that.

"Well, then can I least keep coming to see you? Without supervision?" She shot a pointed look Yang's way, who just shrugged before bringing the fire back to life in her hand. "I can make it here without trouble, as you can see. Plus, I know how to dress properly." She couldn't help but get that last dig in, and even Weiss had to crack a smile at that. Yang couldn't even say something to the contrary: she was the idiot who had risen to the challenge.

"If you want to come visit me again, I'm not opposed to that. However, I believe you'll find my company rather boring." She didn't have a lot of long interactions to prove such a claim, but she couldn't imagine that anything about herself would be appealing to Ruby. This was clearly a goddess who needed to be free, and the slow shackles of ice and snow didn't fit. She would never want to spend more than one more day coming to see her, and then she could go back to her normal, lonely life. The thought made her feel hollow.

"Aww, I'm sure that's not true! You seem like lots of fun!" Now that she certainly didn't believe. She couldn't imagine a single person saying she was 'a lot of fun.' All of those farmers whose crops perished during her season would likely beg to differ. "I just have so many questions I wanna ask! And you don't have to answer them all if you don't wanna, but I just wanna know more about you!"

"I... suppose I could answer a few questions." Ruby was becoming overbearing for her lonely mind. It wasn't a bad thing, though. Secretly, she did want companionship, but she had resigned herself to being alone forever. Then suddenly Ruby decides she wants to talk to her, and then somehow find where she lived to spend more time with her. It was overbearing because she kept expecting Ruby to disappear, leaving nothing but a memory to prove she had been there at all. "How did the two of you find where I lived anyway? I don't exactly advertise my location."

"Oh yeah, we asked your mom where we could find you."

"WHAT?! You asked my mother?!" Ruby nodded happily, and Yang gave her a helpless shrug from across the room. At that point, with the deed done, she could only hang her head and sigh deeply. Somehow Ruby had gotten through the elusive, drunken haze that surrounded her mother every forsaken second. That was... she didn't even know what it was. How in the world was she going to deal with this?

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  The summer sun sank beneath the horizon, and the autumn leaves blew away into the night. As winter fell onto the lands, snow naturally followed. The browning grass was hidden beneath blankets of pure white snow, making a beautiful, pristine landscape. Due to the drop in temperature, most people stayed in the homes, stoking the fires in their furnaces and cursing the goddess of winter for bringing such terrible weather onto their lands. Weiss did her best to pretend people weren't thinking such things.

She and Ruby were taking a walk together, their first while the snow was falling. It was fascinating seeing Ruby watch it fall with such wide-eyed wonder. To her, snow was a common occurrence: it was beautiful, but familiar. However, Ruby was experiencing it in person for the first time, and she was clearly wowed by it. She couldn't admit it out loud, but it made her happy to see someone truly enjoying her creation. It wasn't something she got much of before.

"This is incredible!" Ruby shouted, running forward and spreading out her arms. She laughed as she started spinning in circles, sticking out her tongue to catch a few snowflakes. The scene was so childish and adorable that Weiss started to laugh. She covered her mouth to try and hide it, but she had been heard. "I made you laugh! Score one for Ruby!"

"You are such a child. Were you created yesterday?" It felt good to have those little back and forth conversations with Ruby. Sometimes she would go so long without speaking that she feared her voice would disappear. 

"Nope! I am a fully-fledged goddess, just like you." Sticking out her tongue like the fully-fledged goddess she was, Ruby suddenly dropped down into the snow. Lying on her back, she started flailing her arms and legs back and forth, laughing the whole time. "Look Weiss, I'm making snow people!"

"Careful you don't bring them to life. We already enough people in this world." She walked over to stand in front of Ruby, looking down at her with an amused look. "Are you having fun acting like a child down there?"

"Well excuuuse me for having fun! Haven't you ever wanted to play around in the snow before? I mean, you're the one who created all of this."

"No, I suppose I haven't." It seemed too childish for her to do, and Ruby showing her the proof helped explain why she didn't. However, it seemed that Ruby wasn't as fond of that answer. Sitting up, she suddenly grabbed Weiss's hand and yanked her down. "RubYYY!" She let out an undignified screech as she was pulled down, falling right on top of Ruby.

"Doesn't the snow look better from up close?" Ruby giggled, hands tight around Weiss's wrists. Weiss could only nod, feeling as if the entire world had just been flipped upside down. She was lying on top of Ruby, as close as she had ever been to the goddess that had steadily gained her affection. For the first time, she truly felt what she could only describe as warmth. It made her feel more like Yang. In that moment, there was no place she would rather be than lying on top of Ruby.

"I... I suppose it does," she murmured, reluctantly rolling off of Ruby and down into the snow. Staring up at the sky, she watched the snow come down and sighed deeply, feeling her mind getting lost in the dark cosmos above. She swore that the snowflakes falling above her were perfectly mimicking the constellation of Beowulf. "I have never had anyone to do things like this with."

"Not even your sister?" As loathe as she was to mention the details of her family to anyone, she had felt comfortable enough to divulge a feel details to Ruby one fall evening. Ever since, she had constantly felt that she had made a mistake, but Ruby didn't bring them up much, thank goodness. That didn't mean she never did, though. "Which, by the way, I can't believe your sister's name is Winter, and she's not the goddess of winter. I mean, she was named so perfectly!"

"She didn't ask to be named that. Blame my parents." She felt her stomach twisting uncomfortably. Conversations concerning her family were always awkward to her, and she had never really had to experience them that much before. Now she had a super curious goddess in her company, and sometimes it seemed she just couldn't help herself. It wasn't like she could blame Ruby, but that didn't make talking about them any easier. "I haven't seen her in awhile." She decided that being vague about how long 'awhile' was would be prudent.

"Aww..." Ruby fell silent for a moment, meaning that all there was to listen to was the wind. "Well, I'll always be here for you!" She tilted her head to see Ruby staring at her, smiling her big, innocent smile that she had begun to fall for. "As long as I'm here, you won't ever have to be alone!"

"Thank you, Ruby." Her voice came out as a whisper, feeling emotions welling up inside her. Ruby was just such a nice person: there were no ulterior motives in her actions. She legitimately wanted to spend time with her, even if no one else would. For months and months, she had been coming to see her without a desire for anything but her company. It confused her, and it made her feel like the luckiest goddess in the pantheon. "I appreciate that."

"And I appreciate you spending time with me too!" Ruby sat up and scooped up some snow with her hands. She tossed it up into the air, smiling as it all came back down. "It's nice to make new friends, especially when they treat me like a normal goddess." For the first time, she saw a crack in the normally happy air that always surrounded Ruby. "Because of how I came to be, everyone treats me like I'm a special, precious object. As if I would break if they stopped watching me for one second."

That wasn't surprising to hear. While it had never been explicitly stated, she had noticed the way others acted around Ruby, especially Yang. For the first few times that Ruby visited her, Yang tagged along despite her aversion to the cold. It took a lot of pleading from Ruby to get her to back off, but apparently that wasn't the end of it. From what she had been told, Ruby's father, the sun god Taiyang, was likely watching over her from above. It all seemed overbearing, but she also felt a certain longing when she heard it. She wondered what it would be like to have family that cared enough to constantly watch over her.

"Well, you seem perfectly capable of taking care of yourself." She sat up as well, running a hand along the ground. Sometimes the snow felt like a representation of herself: a lonely, oft-undisturbed substance that people cursed with every breath. To see Ruby playing with it like it was the most fun thing she had ever experienced made her feel so much different about it. If she wasn't careful, her emotions were going to overwhelm her.

"Right?! What's the point of being a goddess if I'm not allowed to do anything?!" As quickly as she had sat up, she flopped back down, kicking her legs in a fit of petulance. When she finally calmed down, she let out a weary sigh. It sounded too ancient of a sound for someone so young and vibrant. "Sometimes I wish I was just a normal goddess like the others. I just want to be able to do things like everyone else."

"Then why don't you?" In a way, she could understand why Ruby's family was so overprotective. The more time she spent around Ruby, the more she wanted to protect her as well. Still, Ruby was her own person, and she should be allowed to dictate what she did with her time. "You're a goddess just like the rest of us. Whether or not you're special doesn't matter. We all have our powers and our domains, and you do as well. Don't let your family tell you how to go about your business."

"I wish," Ruby laughed, flicking the snow around with her fingers. "I say that I can take care of myself all the time, but my parents and Yang are just so protective. Maybe it's because Yang's-" She shut up in an instant, eyes widening for a second. "Uh, forget I said anything," she mumbled, which only piqued Weiss's curiosity. However, wanting to respect her only friend, she didn't pry. "It just sucks, you know?" She could only nod, not truly understanding Ruby's plight, but wishing she could do something to make her feel better.

"Well, as long as you're here with me, you're free to do anything you want. As long as you don't destroy anything." She meant every word, but seeing Ruby's smile was an extra bonus to saying it. Seeing Ruby smile at her always made her lose track of where she was. It felt like she was floating in the Mistral River, having nowhere to go and no place to be. If she could see Ruby smile like that every day, she would never complain about her loneliness ever again.

"Aww, you just had to take the fun out of it, didn't you?" She held the straightest face she could until Weiss's frown was too much to handle, bursting into giggles right afterwards. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I won't destroy anything, promise!" Once she calmed down, she resumed her normal, smiling ways, which continued to make Weiss's heart do a series of flips. "I'm really glad we get to spend time together, Weiss. You're such an awesome friend, and I really wanna spend more time playing in the snow with you!"

"I..." She swallowed thickly, a wave of emotions cresting inside her. It was taking everything she had to not let them overcome her. "I want to spend more time with you too. I'm just... surprised you're not bored with me yet." That had been a constant fear rooted in her mind. She had been so sure that her presence would be uninteresting to Ruby, and even after all the time they had spent together, it was hard to not believe it would eventually happen. The thought of Ruby not showing up one day, and never coming back, hurt her more than she ever expected it to.

"Are you kidding? You're lots of fun! Besides, we don't always have to be doing something. Like right now. We're just lying together in the snow, right? It's not 'fun', but it's nice because it's with you." Weiss blushed at that comment, wondering if she could hide it in the snow. It was too late for that, as Ruby was already giggling at her embarrassment. She didn't feel angry about it, though. There were other, much stronger emotions at play, and every word Ruby said made it harder to not let them overwhelm her. "Sooo, you said I could do anything I want when I'm with you, right?"

"I did say that..." She quirked an eyebrow, feeling suspicious about where this was going. "Maybe I ought to put in some qualifiers just in case."

"Oh no, it's nothing bad! At least, I hope it's not." Ruby laughed, but it was more nervous than before. She picked up on it instantly. "But you're sure I can do anything?" There was a hopeful look in her eyes as she waited for a response. Weiss wasn't sure she could say no, even if it ended up destroying something.

"That's what I said, isn't it?" She wasn't sure what to wait for, so she tried to prepare herself for anything. However, there were things she couldn't prepare for, and Ruby chose something that she never would have predicted: she leaned in and kissed her. It lasted for a mere second, but the ghostly sensation stayed long after Ruby moved away.

"Was... Was that okay?" Ruby slapped her hands against her legs, touching her lips with her tongue. "I mean, it felt okay, but maybe that was just me." She laughed, looking so innocent and cute and just... too much. Way too much. It was all too much for Weiss's fragile, lonely heart to handle. Without warning, tears started to fall down her cheeks. "O-Oh! Weiss, I'm sorry!" Panicking, Ruby started trying to wipe her tears away.

However, Ruby's eyes widened when she saw Weiss's tears turn to ice. As she wiped them away, the teardrops froze and swam around in the air, circling around the pair. The more Weiss cried, the more frozen teardrops appeared. Ruby was caught between awe and worry, watching it all happen while being unsure of what to do. All she knew was that she never, ever wanted to see Weiss crying like that.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, staring at Ruby through blurry eyes. There didn't seem to be a way to stop herself from crying. "I didn't expect you to kiss me. No, that isn't it." There was more to it than that. The kiss was surprising: no doubt about that. However, everything had been leading up to her letting her emotions out, and the kiss was the final straw. "It's everything about you. I don't understand... Why do you care about me? Why do you spend so much time with me?" She had to choke back a sob before continuing. "Why do you like me enough to kiss me?"

"Well, because you're likable?" Ruby tilted her head, seemingly confused by all of the questions. "I don't understand, Weiss. Why would you think I wouldn't care about you? You're awesome! I mean, you're super pretty, and you have so much knowledge of Remnant. You're powerful too! I mean, the snow?" She grabbed some and tossed it up in the air, watching it fall with a smile. "It's so beautiful. I'm so happy you let me see it with you!"

"You're the only one," she muttered, feeling her tears finally starting to abate. "All of the humans hate me. The winter weather kills their crops, and they curse me for it. Only strange humans bother to populate my temples, and none of the other gods come to see me during my season. Not even my family..." Her tone was extremely bitter, cutting through the air like a knife.

"That's... That's terrible." Ruby let out a whimper, looking like she was about to cry as well. "They're wrong, though. The snow is beautiful, and winter is a necessary season. Every season exists for a reason, don't they?" Weiss nodded slowly, looking down at the snow. "If they can't see that, then they don't deserve to worship you anyway!"

"I appreciate that, Ruby." She actually laughed at that, wiping away a few more stray tears. The frozen teardrops almost completely encircled them, as if keeping them in a world of their own. "That doesn't change the fact that you're one of the few who actually care about what I do. It's hard not to feel lonely." She hadn't meant to dump all of that on Ruby. That was all supposed to be kept internally, her pain and loneliness for her heart only. There was just something about Ruby that made the truth easier to let slip out.

"Then I won't let you feel lonely! I'll always be here to spend time with you!" Ruby put her hands on Weiss's shoulders, staring at her with an intense seriousness. "Maybe they don't understand the beauty behind winter, but I do. I'll... I'll do something to show them that there's beauty in the season! I just need time to think on it." There was no hesitation or falsehoods in her eyes. Everything she had spoken was the truth.

"You don't have to do that, Ruby. Having you here is enough for me." She too meant those words. Smiling, she pressed her forehead against Ruby's and sighed softly. "I have no idea what I deserved to gain a friend like you."

"By being yourself," Ruby replied with a big smile. "I wanna be friends with you because you're you. I'm so happy that we talked at the gathering! Otherwise, I may never have gotten to know you, and I don't even wanna think about that." A light blush crossed her face before she spoke again. "So, uh, I can still do whatever I want when I'm with you, right?"

"Yes, that's still alright." Weiss started to blush too, having a feeling that she knew what was about to happen. When Ruby started to lean in, her feelings were confirmed. This time, their kiss lasted quite awhile longer.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was unusual to see so many people coming outside in the dead of winter. In the warmest clothes they could make, they filed together to stare in awe at what had happened. Growing outside were flowers, their petals a perfect swirl of red and white. There were dozens upon dozens of them, all popping up through the snow-covered fields. Everybody seemed to be entranced by their beauty.

"They smell amazing!" someone exclaimed, and others murmured in agreement. They started to get closer, some kneeling to look at the flowers up close. Multiple people spoke of how wonderful the smell was, which led to one adventurous soul plucking one and giving it a taste. The others watched them in both amazement and curiosity, waiting to see what would happen. 

"It... It tastes good!" they shouted in amazement, catching the attention of everyone else. "It's sweet..." They bit into the flower again, confirming that it indeed was a sweet-tasting flower. "I bet we could eat these!" With that, everybody charged forward to grab a flower of their own, wanting to see if what had been said was true. As everyone would soon find out, it was just as sweet as had been promised.

"Wow, this is wonderful!" "Thank you, Weiss!" "The goddess has granted our prayers!" "We need to go pray for her blessings!" Everyone grabbed another flower before heading off towards the closest temple. Of course, that temple was abandoned, having been for a deity that no humans would remember. They were determined to re-purpose it into a new temple for Weiss, though.

"See?" Watching from the skies, Ruby turned to Weiss with the giddiest expression all over her face. "They love you now! I told you I'd figure something out!"

"I suppose you did." She could only shake her head in disbelief. While she had appreciated what Ruby was trying to do, she found it difficult to believe that anything would make the humans love her. Leave it to Ruby, the most wonderful goddess ever created, to find a way to prove her wrong. Though she didn't want to admit it out loud, she was in awe of her powers. "They should be praying to you, though. You're the one who grew those flowers."

"Aw, that's not necessary. They already pray to me enough. You deserve this." In their time together, Weiss had found out something surprising about Ruby: she could be very, very stubborn. Maybe the two of them weren't as different as she had originally thought. She was determined to make the people worship Weiss, and she refused to take any sort of credit. It was flattering, but also annoying.

"But you did it. It's because of you that they even care about me."

"I did it for you, though. If I was just trying to get more people to pray to me, I wouldn't have bothered." She crossed her arms, looking a lot more mature than she usually did. "I'm not budging on this, Weiss. I did this for you, because I love you, and I want everyone down there to feel the same way I do." She stopped, seeing Weiss's face rapidly turning red. "What? What's wrong?"

"You said you..." Weiss could barely get the words out, unable to believe Ruby didn't realize what she had said. "You said you love me, Ruby..."

"Huh?" She blinked in confusion, thinking back on what she had just said. "I did?" She went back, back, until Weiss wasn't the only one with a red face. "Oh... I, uh, I guess I did," she laughed, rubbing the back of her neck. "Ahaha, I'm sorry, but... yeah, I do love you, Weiss. I mean, you're my friend, so of course I'd love you, but..." She clasped her hands together, biting on her lip. "I think it's become more than that. I, uh, actually talked to my dad about how I was feeling."

"You did what?!" What was it with Ruby talking to their parents about these things? First her mom, now the literal god of the sun. She could feel herself already melting away beneath the angry glare of Taiyang. There was no way he would be happy that his younger daughter was telling the least-liked goddess that she loved her.

"I didn't say I loved you," which was not reassuring in the slightest. As if Taiyang didn't have more omnipotence than most. "I just said I thought I had feelings for someone, and I asked for advice. When I told him how I was feeling, he said he had felt the same way about his wives. If I was feeling that way, then it must be something special." She smiled, taking one of Weiss's hands in hers, stroking her palm with a finger. "And they are special. You're special to me, Weiss."

"Ruby..." She sniffled, feeling tears falling down her cheeks. Ruby had this way of making her emotions come out in a way that nothing and no one else could. She had always had emotions, but she kept them bottled up inside where they belonged. It wasn't befitting of a goddess such as herself, and she had no one to truly confide in anyway. Now that Ruby had offered herself up in such a way, she found it too hard to keep herself in control. "I... I love you too."

"Yay!" Ruby happily jumped onto Weiss, kissing her with everything she had. Laughing and crying, Weiss kissed her back, holding on as tightly as she could. Snow fell as they confirmed their affections for one another, and the humans down below danced, sang, and prayed for the bounty of the goddesses above. The goddess of winter had never experienced a better winter than she had then.

For once, no one wanted the snow to go away.

[a-dose-of-harold]

Once in a Lifetime: Chapter 20

Once in a Lifetime: A Harry Styles AU Imagine Series

I’m sorry that I haven’t updated for years; took me a while to find motivation and finally put what in my mind into words… so I hope you enjoy it!

All the love.xx

Chapter 20: The Muse

Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

October 2019: Barcelona, Spain (Memories)

Zayn’s POV

It was the fifth morning of our vacation. The golden sunlight peaking through our resort curtains had woken me up from my deep sleep. I tightened my eyes and winced from the slight soreness in my arms and thighs. I felt her body next to mine and my heart skip a beat.

Flashbacks from last night with Y/N hit me and a smile slowly crept across my face; it was a night that I know I will always remember. The romance, the passion, the love… all of it was new to me. I honestly never had felt this strong about anyone in my life.

Last night I realized that I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with her and it hasn’t even been a year.

I slowly inhaled and then exhaled as I opened my eyes. I looked over to my right to see Y/N sleeping peacefully on her stomach with her arms tucked under her pillows. The sun was hitting her body so perfectly and God, did she look flawless.

I slipped out of bed, pulled on my boxers and quietly tiptoed over to my bag and pulled out my sketch book and pencil set and began drawing her.

I have traveled all around the world, seen countless beautiful artwork and sculptures, visited the most amazing places and heard various pieces of music that changed my life… but nothing was a breath-taking as Y/N.

I drew every detail of her body that I could see; I added shadows, highlights, and even drew the texture of her hair that rested so perfectly down her back and along the pillow as she slept. Her steady breathing helped me focus as I worked my hands across the paper. I felt so at ease in her presence. She knew that I love to draw and paint her here and there, but she had no idea that I had began a small collection of just pieces that all pertain to her in my studio. She was my muse. She brought out this side of me that I never knew I had. She believed in me and always encouraged me to keep drawing and painting because she whole heartedly believed that one day someone will recognize my talents.

About an hour and half passed and I had finally finished, I smiled to myself as I tucked my drawing back into my bag and crawled in bed next to her and trailed butterfly kisses up her bare back and across her shoulders.

“Morning Zayn,” She whispered, eyes still closed. She snuggled her body closer to mine as she pulled the top sheet to cover us.

“Morning babe,” I grinned as I wrapped my arms around her naked body and kissed the top of her head.

She suddenly rolled over her body on top of mine, slightly confusing me. She picked her head up and placed a kiss on my lips blindly and began trailing kisses down my neck and to the other side.

Ooh.

I moved my head to the side for her to have more access to my neck, “Love… We have a lot of things to do today.” I chuckled.

She paused her movements and picked up her head and peaked through one eye, “Are you saying no to my lazy morning advances?”

She tucked her bottom lip in between her teeth and smiled before she began kissing my jawline and neck.

How in the world am I suppose to say no?

“I’m not saying no, I’m just… saying… that… we have a lot to do… today.” I breathlessly replied.

“Mmmm please, I want you,” She mumbled against my ear.

I felt my cock twitch and flipped her over; a giggled escaped from her lips, one of my favorite sounds in the world.

“Guess last night wasn’t enough for you?” I placed a kiss on her lips then neck.

“I can never get enough of you,” She grinned as she ran her fingers through my hair and crashed her lips into mine.

Damn, I am so in love with her.

September 2020: Manhattan, New York City (Present Day)

Your POV

Liam and Sophia were gone on their week long honeymoon in the Fiji Islands. I had been working like crazy all week since Eleanor and I had received new patients and had to run them through a series of tests, study lab diagnostics, and extensive research to figure out the best course of action. I had been getting headaches every single day from the stress, which was stressing me out even more because I couldn’t focus and I needed a clear head when it came to making a decision that affects my patients’ outcomes.

On another note, Harry and I have been inseparable. He and I could barely stand a few hours without each other. It’s like nothing I have ever felt before.

A few nights ago, I was absolutely exhausted after work and so was he; he had called me around 10pm after he got out of the shower and wanted to say goodnight. I honestly didn’t mind that he wanted to sleep at his own since work had drained me that day and all I wanted to do was sleep. After we said our goodnights to each other and hung up, I settled in bed and tried to sleep.

But I couldn’t.

I kept tossing and turning and going crazy because I was so exhausted, I knew I was, but I couldn’t fall asleep. I then realized that ever since Harry and I started dating again we hadn’t really spent a night without each other. It had become second nature to us to just stay at one another’s, so tonight was the first night I had been without him since June. I had just seen Harry this morning and already I was missing him.

I looked at my clock to see it read 11:36pm. An hour had already passed and as tired as I was, I was willing to drive over to Harry’s. I groaned as I sat up and grabbed my phone.

Just as I was about to call my boyfriend, I heard the front door to my condo open and jumped.

Only two people have the key to my place besides the landlord: Liam- in case of an emergencies; and Harry. I crawled out of bed and peaked my head out of my door to see Harry walking towards my bedroom with a duffel bag over his shoulder.

“Hi,” He smiled as he dropped the bag and wrapped his arms around me, “I couldn’t sleep without you.”

I returned his hug and kissed his lips, “I couldn’t either, I was just about to call you to tell you I was coming over.”

Harry guided us to my bed and lightly pulled me down next to him, “I’ve missed you love.”

We both settled into each other’s arms and within two minutes we both drifted off to sleep.

- - - - -

It was the Friday night before Zayn’s art show, Eleanor and I coerced our boyfriends into a double date since Liam and Sophia were still not going to be back for another couple of days.

“Are we really going to see an old film while sitting on picnic blankets?” Louis groaned as Harry pulled up to Central Park. Central Park was hosting a movie night for lovers, they had a giant huge screen set up with popcorn stands, cotton candy machines, soda stands and boxes of candies. 

“It’s not that old Louis, there’s color.” Harry grinned as he turned off the car.

“If you’re going to be a sore sport tonight then just hail a cab and go home.” Eleanor rolled her eyes, she was getting irritated because she looked forward to tonight but Louis couldn’t stop complaining.

Louis immediately knew from her tone that he needed to shut up before he pissed her off again, “No, I’m sorry love, I want to be here!”

I stifled a giggle as I climbed out of Harry’s SUV.

Harry grabbed the two blankets he brought, handed one to Louis, as I laced his hand in mine. We found a nice spot on the grass which had a good view of the screen and as Eleanor and I set up the blankets, the boys went to buy drinks and snacks.

“Have I ever told you how cute you and Harry look together?” Eleanor grinned as she sat down next to me.

“Nope.” I crinkled my nose and shook my head.

“Well you two do look adorable, and the way he looks at you… so full of love…” She began.

“That’s how Louis looks at you.” I pointed out.

“Yeah?” Her eyes lit up.

“Of course! Come on Eleanor! I tell you all the time that Louis’ completely head over heels for you!” I nudged her shoulder with mine.

“I know he is! He actually… told me that he was ready for the next step,” Eleanor mumbled.

“What?!” I turned my body towards her with my jaw dropped, “He is?!”

“Shhhh!” She brought her finger up to her lips but couldn’t hide her smile.

“But I don’t know if he meant marriage though!”

“What else could it mean?” I chuckled, “You guys live together, have a dog together, pay bills together… didn’t he also co-sign on your car? What else could he possibly mean?” 

“I don’t know! I just don’t want to assume anything when it comes to Louis, you never know what the hell goes through his mind!” She shook her head.

“That’s true-,” I was going to say something else, but we saw the boys approaching us and changed the subject.

After the movie we decided to grab a late-night dinner at one of Louis’ favorite burger joints.

“So are you two going to Zayn’s art show tomorrow?” Louis asked as we ate.

“Yeah,” I took a sip of my beer, “I’m going there first, Harry’s going to come after he gets off work.”

Harry just nodded in agreement since he had food in his mouth.

“Yay! Can we go together Y/N? Niall and Louis are going to come straight from their meeting and I don’t want to show up alone.” Eleanor batted her eyelashes at me.

“Of course! You’re going to be the prettiest date there and that I’ve ever had.” I winked at her and she jokingly blushed.

“Heyyyyy!” Harry furrowed his eyebrows and looked up at me.

“What?” I took another bite of my burger.

“What about me? Am I not pretty?” Harry pouted.

“Do you want to be called pretty, Harold?” Louis laughed.

“Well… I…” Harry didn’t know how to respond.

“Face it Styles, you have nothing on me.” Eleanor stuck her tongue out and flipped her hair.

“I agree with her on this one Styles,” Louis grinned as he rubbed one of Eleanor’s forearms with his free hand.

I kept trying not to laugh at Harry’s pouty face but failed as I wiped my mouth.

“Well fine! I’ll find someone that thinks I’m pretty to take me tomorrow night.” He jokingly huffed.

“You do that and see what happens.” I raised an eyebrow.

“Oh! Do it! I want to see what happens!” Louis taunted us and Eleanor nodded with a big smile on her face.

I shot Harry a playful glare before I leaned over the table and placed a kiss on his lips.

“Ew! Stop!” Louis groaned.

When we finished the movie, we joined Andy, Niall, and Katherine at a nearby bar around 11pm and caught each other up with what’s been going on in each other’s lives all week, on top of stalking Liam’s and Sophia’s Facebook photos that they posted of their honeymoon.

- - - - - 

Saturday Morning (Day of Zayn’s Art Show/ Present Day)

Harry’s POV

Damn it.

I bent over to pick up the cookie pan I dropped, thank goodness there wasn’t anything in there.

“Harry! What’s going on with you today my dear?” Claudia asked.

“I’m just a bit anxious is all.” I mumbled as I placed the dirty pan into the sink.

“Anxious about what?” Claudia dried her hands and leaned on the counter next to me.

I exhaled loudly and motioned for Claudia to follow me into my office, not wanting the whole staff to hear what was bothering me.

Claudia and I took the seat next to me and waited patiently for me to talk.

“I’m just anxious because tonight Y/N and I are going to her ex-boyfriend’s art show… he’s a new rising artist. I saw an article of him in the New York Times this morning about how his pieces are suppose to be beautiful… and I don’t know… I’m just over thinking a lot of things.” I pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger and leaned back against the chair.

Claudia’s face softened, “Harry… what are you worried about? That she will go back to him?”

“Yes.” I finally admitted.

“Harry… but she chose you, did she not?”

I sighed again, “What if tonight she realizes it was a mistake? What if she sees how well his art work is doing and-”

“Is that the type of woman you think she is?” Claudia cocked her head to the side.

“No but-”

“Ah no buts,” Claudia held up a hand, “Imagine if she heard you thinking these things about her, as if you don’t trust her love for you.”

“I know… it’s why I’ve been a mess all morning, I feel like a terrible boyfriend for thinking that she would go back to him and my head is just spinning with crazy thoughts because I’m going to be half an hour late to the show tonight because we have that order.” I pulled the hair tie out of my messy bun and fixed it to make it look more neat.

“I understand where you’re coming from because I don’t want you getting hurt dear, but you are just going to make things worst if you worry about things that aren’t worth stressing over. She was with him and then even after 10 years she was still in love with you, I’m sure she loves you just as much as you love her… so please don’t worry so much.”

“I know, I know, you’re right Claudia. Thank you for talking to me. I’ve been keeping it to myself all day.” I cleared my throat.

“Yeah just take a few minutes alone and clear you head! Go for a walk or something! We have a lunch rush coming soon and we have to finish that cake before you leave,” Claudia stood up and straightened her pants before she put her hand on my shoulder and slightly shook it, “You’re an amazing person Harry, I’m sure her ex-boyfriend is good guy, but she chose you for a reason, believe in that reason.”

I grabbed my phone, wallet and pulled off my hairnet as I exited the kitchen and told Candice that I would be back in an hour.

I hailed a cab and gave him the address to Niall’s office as I clicked on his name in my phone.

Niall’s POV

“Did Harry tell you that we are going to Y/N’s ex-boyfriend art exhibit tonight?” I held my phone in between my cheek and shoulder as I shuffled through the dozens of files on my desk while trying to talk to Gemma.

“What? Come again? Y/N’s ex-boyfriend?” I heard Gemma’s shocked tone of voice on the other end.

“Yeah, his name is Zayn, he’s a really cool guy. I actually met him the same night Harry told me about him and Y/N… that was a strange night come to think of it.” I raised an eyebrow as I remembered catching Harry and Y/N making out.

“Why are you going to his art show?”  She asked.

“Well he invited all of us, sort of. He invited Y/N and Louis and told them to bring whoever they want. Actually, here, I’ll show article that The New York Times did on him.”

I quickly texted Gemma the article and continued searching for the documents I needed for work.

“New York Time? Whoa, he must be good.” I heard her say as I found the file I was looking for.

“Yeah, that’s what it seems like. I might buy a piece tonight, my home office is a bit dull, yeah?”

“It wasn’t dull the other week when you were fucking me on your desk.” She nonchalantly replied.

Her words took me by surprise and I almost dropped my phone.

“What?” I swallowed.

“You heard me lover boy,” She chuckled.

“You can’t say something like that when you’re not here, that’s not fair.” I cleared my throat as I sat up in my chair.

I heard Gemma giggle, “You weren’t complaining when we had phone sex yesterday.”

“Gemma, I’m going to hang up, I swear this is pure torture.” I groaned as I adjusted my pants.

“You wouldn’t dare hang up on me.” Gemma said oh-so-matter-of-factly but then I heard my phone beeped and saw Harry’s name flash across my screen.

“I would if your brother was calling. Gotta go, love you, bye!” I smiled as I ended our call and answered Harry.

“Harry! What can I do for you?” I cleared my throat.

“I’m heading over to your office, want to have lunch?” He asked, his voice sounding a bit off.

I looked up at the clock on my wall to see that it was almost noon, “Yeah I’ll order something for us and have it sent up to my office. I have to go through some contracts so I can’t leave the building yet.”

“Alright, that sounds good, see you soon.”

I texted Louis to ask him if he wanted me to order him anything and he quickly replied saying he was starving and to order him anything.

I called a nearby restaurant that I frequently ordered from, gave them my order, and continued reading the contract.

I heard a knock on the door ten minutes later to see Louis strolling in with his hands in his pants so I stood up to greet him like I always do.

“Whoa Niall, I know that wasn’t because of me or maybe it was, are you that excited to see me or did you get a new secretary?” Louis gestured at my pants and I felt my face flush red and quickly sat down to smooth out my pants.

“Fuck off, you twat,” I groaned.

“Hey! No need to get hostile! Geez just go call your girlfriend or something!” Louis chuckled.

“She’s the reason for my predicament.” I shook my head as I crossed my legs under the desk.

I saw a smirk form on Louis’ face, “Oh really? Did she send nudes?”

“Louis, shut up. Harry’s about to be here. Just drop it.” I narrowed my eyes at him.

“You really need to get laid.” Louis clucked his tongue as he sat down on the couch that was in my office.

Yes, yes I do.

- - - - -

Saturday Evening (Present Day)

Your POV

I stepped back and smiled at myself in the mirror. I was very pleased with my hair, outfit and make up for tonight.

A knock on my front door pulled my attention away from my reflection and I hurried, knowing it was Eleanor.

“Y/N! You look gorgeous!” She squealed as I opened up the door.

“You look amazing!!!” I beamed as I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into my apartment.

“Who are you trying to seduce? Harry or the artist?” She teased.

“El!” I gasped and then frowned.

“I”m just saying! You have two guys that are head over heels in love with you…”  She clucked her tongue and then shot a devilish grin at me.

“El-” I started.

“I’m only kidding! But you do look pretty damn gorgeous, I don’t know if anyone is going to be looking at Zayn’s artwork cause they’ll be too busy checking you out.” She winked.

“Okay, please stop.” I laughed as I pulled her into my bedroom.

Eleanor and I did some last minute touch ups before we went down stairs to get in our Uber.

New York City on a Saturday night is always the same, busy and full of traffic. The ride to the art show made me feel a little anxious. I was constantly checking my phone to see if Harry would text me even though I know he was working.

I wasn’t sure what to expect tonight with Harry and Zayn being in the same building, but I really hope that it goes smoothly. Just as we arrived to the exhibit I got a buzz on my phone.

Hey love, I just finished up at the bakery and will be heading over soon. I’ll see you in a bit! - H

I quickly responded to Harry and placed my phone inside my clutch.

We all thanked the Uber driver as he dropped us off and made our way slowly inside. I was the last person to enter since the strap of my heel needed adjustment.

From the outside looking in, I could see a lot of people in the exhibit. I was so proud of Zayn for following his dreams and never giving up on himself. I stepped into the double doors of the building and walked to the exhibit entrance, a lot of the people began to look at me and whisper. I didn’t recognize a lot of them but they appeared to recognize me.

I thought perhaps I was being paranoid but I saw a group of people around a beautiful hand crafted sculpture by Zayn of just a naked body that seemed vaguely familiar, and people silenced as I walked by.

I tried to look around for my friends but then my eyes caught a glimpse of the wall of Zayn’s artwork and I froze: they were all of... me. All of...me. Zayn’s entire exhibit was pieces of art that all pertained to me.

I couldn’t move. I didn’t know what to do. All of a sudden people started clapping and I heard Zayn’s voice from behind me that pulled me out of my trance.

“Y/N, thanks for coming, it means the world to me that you could make it,” Zayn beaned at me as he held out his arms.

“Zayn... I... it’s all me...” I was flustered and couldn’t find the right words. Everyone was watching me and I didn’t want to ruin Zayn’s night so I just hugged him, still in complete disbelief. A woman in dark maroon pant suite standing next to Zayn nodded to acknowledge me and I could see her now understand who his artwork was about.

His work was breathtaking, not in the way that it was me, but his art style. I was speechless.

Elenor came up to me and pulled me to the side realizing that I was in a shock and needed her rescue.

“Y/N!” She whispered when she pulled me into a corner away from others, “first off, wow you’re absolutely gorgeous, and two, what the fuck?!”

“I really had zero idea that Zayn had this much art work of me! I knew he sketched me here and there when we were together but paintings? Sculptures? Photos? Everything... I’m so overwhelmed right now.” I could feel my anxiety building, my heart racing and my head beginning to pound.

“Y/N, I love you but you need to make sure that Harry does not see this because he will probably lose it.”

OH SHIT. HARRY!

I tried to open my clutch but of course I was having a hard time opening it. I was fumbling and finally just gave it to Eleanor because I was a wreck.

I unlocked my phone and called Harry but he didn’t pick up.

Moments later, Zayn stood up on a podium, and began to make a small speech. He thanked everyone for coming and talked about how he came from a family with a lot of love but little money, and wanted nothing more than to be an artist and he’s finally able to make that dream come true and he wanted to thank me, Y/N, for always being supportive and encouraging him to chase his dreams. “I wouldn’t be the man or the artist I am today without her and I’m so glad to have her in my life. She has been there for me through so much of my life. She is my friend, my muse.”

The entire audience clapped and cheered Zayn congratulating him.

The woman that I recognized from earlier walked next to him and asked for the microphone after whispering in his ear. Zayn’s face lit up like a Christmas tree.

“Good evening ladies and gentleman, my name is Isabella Russo. I am the proud owner of Luhring Augustine and would love to thank you all for coming to support our new up and coming artist, Zayn. It has just come to my attention that every piece Zayn has graced us tonight has been purchased. Congratulations Zayn, you have won a permanent wall here at my art gallery.”

Sound began to fade as my eyes went wide. I could see everyone cheering and clapping but it was all white noise to me at this point. I felt someone grab my hand and pull me away. Thinking it was Eleanor but I finally looked up and saw it was Harry and my heart dropped. Oh no.

Harry pulled me out of the exhibit and outside into the front of the building, not realizing that I was having a semi-anxiety attack, Harry began to shout.

“How dare he just put you on display like that? Did you know? Of course you couldn’t have because you would have TOLD me! Did he even ask you for permission? Did you sign a contract or waiver? Who does he think he is? How fucking dare he just put a sculpture of your naked body for the fucking world to see?” Harry was pacing, he was angry and shouting.

“Y/N! Can you say something? What the fuck!” Harry roared.

I tried to blink back tears, “Harry I really had no idea, he never told me... I... didn’t know.” I felt my head began to pound, oh god not these damn migraines again.

Niall came out of the building and he could feel that there was a lot of tension between us. He smiled at me and walked up to Harry. “Mate, it’s handled. It’s also not Y/N’s fault and you know it.”

Louis and Eleanor quickly joined us outside, Eleanor coming to my side to make sure I was okay. While Louis handed Harry a drink.

“Breathe Y/N. Just breathe. Can I place my hands on you?” Eleanor asked, when I nodded she put her hands on my arms and rubbed them up and down to comfort me. Eleanor just knew me and tell I was having a semi-anxiety attack and god I love her so much because of it.

After I was finally able to compose myself and was able to process the events of tonight and speak. I walked up to my boyfriend, who was boiling with rage.

“Harry, you have no right to be angry with me. I didn’t know about any of this. You cannot be angry at me for something I cannot control.” I stood ground, “Zayn’s art is his art. I’m not going to stop him from doing what he loves.”

“Obviously you couldn’t control or handle it! Art? He put you on display like... like...THAT. I am not going to just let him do that to you.” He rudely stated. I saw something in Harry’s eyes. I had never seen this side of Harry, ever. He was always so kind, so generous... but this was... what?

“Mate, back off. She didn’t do anything wrong.” Louis stepped in between us.

“What do you mean like THAT?” I asked. Eleanor close behind me.

“Like you’re his girlfriend and like some OBJECT to be desired!” Harry shouted. And I just dropped my jaw in disbelief.

Then all of a sudden we heard Zayn’s voice break the silence, “She is not an object, she is much more than that to me. You have no right to be speaking to her that way. She didn’t know about this part of my work. It was my fault and mine alone. If you want to be angry at anyone then be angry at me.”

“How dare you just put her on display like that? Have you no respect for Y/N?” Harry growled at Zayn.

Louis and Niall had to step in between both of them.

“She has my most respect. She is my muse. I’m sorry that you don’t understand what it’s like to be an artist but I’m not going to apologize for my art work.” Zayn stated. He turned to me and thanked me for coming and apologize for not telling me in advance because he wanted it to be a surprise. My head began to pound even harder and my ears began to ring. This wasn’t the normal migraines anymore.

All of a sudden I see Harry trying to lunge himself at Zayn, while Niall and Louis hold him back and force him to calm down. Harry was trying to push his way through them to get to Zayn. But I moved between Zayn and Harry trying to make sure that no one was getting hurt tonight.

“Y/N get out of my way!” Harry bellowed.

“No.” I breathed trying to stay steady, “Harry, please calm down-” my was starting to blur and then all of a sudden...darkness.

The last thing I remember was seeing the rage in Harry’s eyes and then it was black.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

<3 M

[thepancakeboi]

74. “I can’t take the loneliness anymore.”

Divergence AU Part I

Next | AU list | Prompt source

Fanfic under cut

10/9

Ren: Have you played never have I ever?

I stare at Ren’s most recent text. Where is this coming from all of a sudden? He’s been unfortunately busy the past several days, as he’s lamented to me over text. Perhaps he found himself some free time. A little curious about the reason for his text, I quickly text him back a response.

-x-

Goro: I have not, but I am familiar with the rules.

Ren: Would you wanna play?

Ren: Ann, Makoto, and Futaba will be there too

Goro: If you don’t mind me asking, why are you inviting me to play?

Ren: I like hanging out with you

-x-

Something about that response, the fact that he enjoys my company, makes me...happy. It’s not the first time he’s said it. He has told me over and over again that he loves being around me and that he would always try to make time for me if I wanted it. I look back down at the chat as I notice another text from Ren.

-x-

Ren: And they’ll gang up on me if you’re not there

Goro: I see... you have ulterior motives.

Goro: Not that it matters.

Goro: I highly doubt that they would “gang up” on you, though.

Ren: Trust me Akechi they will

Ren: Do you wanna play?

-x-

I take a minute to think it over. I don’t know his friends that well. This could give me an easy opportunity to get to know them a little better to improve my plans for them all. Having made my decision, I text him back.

-x-

Goro: I would be delighted to join you.

Ren: Yay! :D

Ren: We’re meeting up at Leblanc at 5

Goro: I’ll be there.

-----

I arrive at Leblanc a few minutes early. Ren perks up as the bell over the door rings, immediately grinning when he notices it’s me. He leads me upstairs to his room up in the cafe’s attic. “Hello,” I say in greeting, noticing that the others are already here.

“It seems we’re all here,” Makoto remarks when I sit down beside Ann, Ren taking the seat next to me. “Who wants to go first?”

Futaba nearly jumps in her seat as she answers, “I will! Never have I ever worn fake glasses!”

“I told you,” Ren remarks while putting down a finger. “I’ll go next. Never have I ever not attended high school.” Futaba makes an overly dramatic wounded expression as she puts down her own finger. She should have seen that one coming.

“Your turn, Akechi!” Ann says.

“Very well,” I reply, mulling over a response in my head. “Never have I ever attended Shujin Academy.”

Futaba laughs as Ann, Makoto, and Ren all have to put down a finger. “This one’s in my party now!”

“I thought you were on my side,” Ren says, pouting a little.

I shake my head. “I wasn’t targeting you in particular, Amamiya-kun. It was simply an option that applied to a lot of people.”

Ann smiles, apparently already having her statement prepared. “Okay, my turn. Never have I ever taken mock college entrance exams.”

Makoto and I both put down a finger while she thinks of hers. “Never have I ever...been told I look drop-dead gorgeous?” I’m glad Ren doesn’t say anything as I put my second finger down, although he looks like he’s tempted. Ann has to put one down as well.

Futaba grins eagerly, clearly still bent on going after Ren. “Never have I ever been in a bathhouse.” Ren somehow has the nerve to smile when I realize Futaba’s statement is also true for me. He’s definitely remembering that day from last month. Futaba seems a little surprised at this. “Hey, I got a two-hit combo there!”

“Never have I ever slept for longer than 48 hours in a row,” Ren immediately shoots back.

My turn. “Never have I ever been to a beach.”

I give a little giggle as everyone is affected besides me. Ren looks at me, curious. “Wait, you haven’t?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“That’s it. Next summer, I’m taking you to the beach.”

...I don’t need my mind telling me that he won’t be alive long enough for the sentiment to matter.

Luckily, Ann is able to draw me out of my thoughts. “Never have I ever fell asleep studying.” Great. I put down my fourth finger. “Wait, you have?” she asks in disbelief.

“It was really cute actually,” Ren says for me. “We were studying together downstairs and he fell asleep leaning against m-”

“I think that’s enough information from you, Amamiya-kun,” I interrupt. “Niijima-san, I believe it’s your turn?”

Makoto nods in acknowledgment. “Yes. Never have I ever spent over 100,000¥ in one purchase.”

Futaba looks straight at Ren as both of them have to put a finger down. “Never have I ever committed a crime IRL!”

Ren looks almost distraught as he sighs, now only having four left. Whether or not he’s being overly dramatic about it is left up to debate. My right index finger twitches, as if my subconscious is tempted to be honest. I can’t, though. If they knew the truth about me...besides, there would be too many questions that I simply couldn’t answer without spinning a giant web of lies. It’s simply too early for that, but...could I really-

“Futaba, that statement applies to you as well,” Makoto remarks.

“Whaaa?”

“Hacking government websites is a crime.”

“Aww, man,” Futaba groans.

Ren smirks, looking rather smug at the moment as he says, “Okay, never have I ever...”

The game continues on for a little while. Ren is the first to be eliminated, largely due to Futaba targeting him, although I am the one to take him out (and not on a date like he suggested when I said as such). Makoto ultimately wins in the end. We’re all departing when Ren asks if I want to stay and play some chess. I accept the offer, surprisingly enthusiastic. I’m not even paying much attention to the game itself. Something is on my mind. Why is it that I am eager to spend so much time with Ren? I know I need to get close to him, but I’m genuinely enjoying the time spent with him. Am I getting too close?

“So, Akechi...what crime did you commit besides being drop-dead gorgeous?”

I nearly drop the rook in my hand, startled. “Huh? What are you getting at?”

“Don’t act like you haven’t. I saw your finger twitch. You wanted to put your finger down, didn’t you?” I don’t bother answering, instead deciding to place the rook down on a new spot. The game is almost reflective of the current situation. Ren has me cornered. “Knew it. But who would’ve guessed? Ace detective Goro Akechi, secretly a criminal? Come on, spill the details!”

“Do I have to?”

“I told you mine. It’s only fair if you tell me yours.”

“Very well...I robbed the 777 in Shibuya when I was eleven years old,” I easily lie. “Happy now?”

“I would be...if you were telling the truth.” He moves his knight, taking the rook I had moved earlier and trapping my king. Checkmate. “If you really don’t wanna talk about it, that’s fine. I won’t force it.”

I’m silent for a few minutes. Ren, true to his word as ever, doesn’t try to force me to talk. Finally, I say, “You won’t like the real answer.”

“You can tell me if you want. I won’t judge.”

His words bring me to a decision. I just hope I don’t come to regret it. Sakura-san isn’t here, leaving me free to say my next words. “We should find somewhere else to talk, preferably somewhere where no one can eavesdrop. Surely you know such a place...Joker.”

His head jolts slightly, the only indication that the name I had heard him being referred to as in the Metaverse means anything to him. I find this confusing. I would have expected him to have a stronger reaction. “I do. Let’s go.”

Ren remains surprisingly silent after that. Normally, I would welcome it, but this silence is...unnerving. He’s rarely this quiet around me, and when he is, he still manages to constantly remind me of his presence. This is different. Right now, it feels like he’s trying to hide in the backdrop and make himself inconspicuous. What is going on in that head of his? I’m almost tempted to ask him what he’s thinking about if only to get him to say something, anything. I don’t. There will be plenty to talk about soon enough.

The time both drags on and speeds right along as we arrive in Shibuya. We exit the train, Ren leading the way up to the station square. He pulls out his phone, looking at me to see if I am ready. I nod. This is it.

The familiar dizziness signals our entering the Metaverse. It’s a feeling I may never get used to. My outfit has changed to my white princely attire. Good. I don’t know if I’m prepared to reveal that just yet. I turn to see Ren in his own thief attire. “How did you find out?” he asks, his voice finally breaking through the uncomfortable silence. His demeanor has changed. He seems more confident, and he has a sort of aggressiveness that he rarely exhibits in the real world. Even his gaze is sharper, more intense. I may know him as Ren Amamiya, but right now, the one I am facing is Joker.

“Your friend...I believe he goes by Skull here? He should learn to keep his voice down.”

“Are you gonna turn us in?”

“I should arrest you.”

“Should?”

“But I won’t.” Not yet, at least.

“And you have a Persona?”

As expected, he’s asking so much, trying to figure me out. I’m not going to stop the flow of questions. “Yes. I do.”

“How did you discover the Metaverse?”

“A couple of weeks ago, I was trying to get evidence of your group’s identity as the Phantom Thieves. I must have been dragged inside.” It’s partially true. I had been gathering evidence to later blackmail them, but I had gone into the Palace on my own volition. That and I’ve been here many times before that day.

“You’re lying.”

I raise an eyebrow, even if he probably can’t see it under my mask. “What are you talking about?”

“You didn’t just discover the Metaverse recently. You’ve known about it for longer than that.”

“And what evidence do you have to support your deductions?”

“That day at the TV station. You thought you heard something about delicious pancakes, but...Morgana was the only one who mentioned them.” I stare at him. Does he mean to say what I think he is? “You know, the cat,” he adds.

So the cat in his bag is the small black and white creature that accompanies them in the Metaverse. And by hearing him in Madarame’s Palace, I- “...Oh.” Now I understand. If I had been telling the truth, I should not have been able to understand the cat in June. “So that’s how you figured it out.”

Joker nods. “What are you hiding from the Phantom Thieves...and from me?”

I turn my back on him. There’s only one thing left for me to do. “Maybe it’ll be best if I show you.”

One of these days, I knew I would be showing him my true colors. Never had I anticipated it would be like this. My outfit shifts and morphs in an explosion of black and red fire crawling up my body. White and red is replaced with black and blue. I turn to face him just as the transformation is complete, the world tinted red by the lenses of my mask.

“A black mask,” Joker whispers. It’s clear he’s trying to process the truth of the matter, that I’m the person he’s been hunting down since Kaneshiro’s Palace. To his credit, Joker doesn’t look incredibly surprised, even if I’m sure he is. He hides it well. “You’re...”

“That’s right,” I reply, my voice nearly a snarl. “I’m the one who’s causing the scandals everyone has been talking about. The mental shutdowns. The psychotic breakdowns. They’re all because of me. Oh, and Okumura? He’s as good as dead.”

There’s that look of surprise I’ve been anticipating. “You killed him?”

“Yes. I did.” I take the mask off, looking right at Joker as I say, “You wanted to know what crimes I’ve committed. Well, there’s your answer.”

“Why?” he finally asks.

“Why what?”

“Why are you doing this?”

“This being?”

“All of it, I guess.”

“My Metaverse activities are all part of a plan that’s been two years in the making,” I start, being purposefully vague. This isn’t where I had been expecting this conversation to go.

“A plan?”

“Yes. A plan to settle a...very personal grudge.”

“Who’s this grudge against?” I put my mask back on, hiding my facial expression. Joker’s latest question is one I cannot answer. He’s not satisfied. “What’s their name?”

“I thought you said you weren’t going to force it.”

“I just wanna help,” he says, about to approach me. “Please-”

“I don’t want your pity!” I yell.

He stops, realizing that right now may not be the best time to get near me. “I’m not pitying you.”

“Oh, really?” I hiss. “Then why go this far to help me!?”

“Because I care about you.” He...cares about me? How could he possibly...? I don’t understand. He should be hating me right now! Yet he claims that he cares about me, even now. “One more thing. If you’re not wanting my help, then why are you telling me any of this?”

My response comes unfiltered, hiding nothing from him. “I...I can’t take the loneliness anymore.”

Joker’s response surprises me even more. “You’re not alone. I’m here. I’ll always be here.” He says it with no doubt or hesitation. He truly believes that he’ll be there for me when I need him. As selfless as ever. But I won’t rely on him. I refuse to let him help me because whatever ridiculous savior complex he has tells him to. As if sensing my thoughts, he adds, “We could make a deal instead if you want.”

“A deal?”

“I’ll help you with your plans if you help me find the man who accused me of assault.”

That has me on edge. “Just what are you planning?”

“I want to help, no matter what it takes. It’s not pity, Akechi. I want to prove that.”

“And you think that, by striking a deal with me, you’ll be able to convince yourself it isn’t? Don’t make me laugh.”

“You wanted to help me, remember?” His question gives me pause. I had offered to help, yes. When he rejected my offer, I had even tried to insist on helping, but he refused to budge. “I wanted to deal with it on my own, just like you. I told myself, ‘It’s just a year.’ But we’re doing this the wrong way. We’re strong, but I don’t think we should be doing this alone. So, let’s do this...together.”

“How idiotic could you get? We’re enemies-”

“Rivals,” he immediately interjects.

“Fine. Rivals. But we’re not meant to work together.”

“Even rivals team up sometimes.”

“You...” I manage to hold back a laugh as I continue, “You have some strange logic sometimes.”

“So?” Joker extends his hand. “Do we have a deal...Goro?”

It takes me a few moments of sputtering over him calling me by my first name to get out a response. I take his hand in mine, making sure not to accidentally jab him with my clawed gauntlets. “Fine. I accept your proposal.”

[therodrigator6]

Well, hello there fellers.

You can ignore this text post if you want, it comes straight from me, completely outside of Drawings or Proyect updates.

I just really felt as though I needed to take the time to write up my thoughts into a, very possibly, LOOOOOOOOOOOONG post, since I have a LOT on my head right about now.

So, my melancholy, rather depressing, but perhaps amusing, musings, under the cut.

Right, so my whole string of thought was sort of just... proppeled out of me reminiscing about the past... 2 years, maybe year and a half.

I got thinking hard about She-Ra again, LMAO. and I know, I KNOW, why am I even thinking about that damned show again.

BUT, I was really thinking hard about how much I went through, positively I mean, how much growth I had (Around my art and my vocation obviously) with She-Ra.

And really, if you were to scour through my blog, if you went back all the way to... maybe it was late 2018, early 2019, when I posted my first fanarts around She-Ra, you’ll see how far back I was, skill-wise. I mean I wasn’t exactly a beginner, but I weren’t no Grade A artist neither.

And PRIOR to all of that I had more or less drawn fanart intermitently.

Anyone who followed me back when I made RWBY stuff, specifically Whiterose fanart could attest to that. I wasn’t consistent at all, and I experimented more often than not with every single drawing I was making. And don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed drawing stuff for RWBY, I sort of miss it now LMAO.

But I can certainly see just HOW POWERFULLY drawn I was to She-Ra, because my output of content and the growth of my skill as an artist was EXPONENTIAL. I suppose in a way I owe it really to MY sudden... obsession? Fixation? on that show.

VERY HONESTLY, at this point in time, I feel like I could REALLY speak on what things drew me to She-Ra, and precisely what things KEPT me there. IDK I think it used to be a very special little show.

On one hand? I really had just decided to watch it because I was starting to fall out of love with RWBY.

RWBY WAS a show I’d also loved, and which also meant a lot to me, but the things that MEANT a lot to me, were just not given the story I would’ve been interested in. That AND the small fandom space I’d carved out for myself was getting even smaller. Smaller AND very... toxic? Uncomfortable? I felt as though... my efforts and my involvement in that fandom were neither welcome nor appreciated at one point, let alone the fact that on the SHIPPING side of things, it stopped being fun.

So there I was, starting She-Ra up. I’d known about it for some time before, and I��d *Heard* that it was a fun good show, and most specially... *With an active, HUNGRY fandom, raging about a very popular Ship*. So I thought to myself, YAY, I’ll watch this show and I’m REALLY gonna do my best to go for everything popular.

I was tired of unwelcoming fandoms, tired of enjoying the very little measly, *Unpopular* things about shows, this was all about having a GOOD time. And maybe finally getting my works out, really finding a motivation to create stuff.

I mean in hindsight, now I know I fucked myself over MANY times.

You see because, as soon as I started watching She-Ra, I TRIED to do something different about the way I consumed shows.

In the past I used to be VERY ship-centered about my show experiences, to the point were FANON-Ship-centric relationships with shows would make the stories I was watching really boring and bleak in comparison. I had been afraid at the time, that THIS would also ruin She-Ra for me. So I really thought about... NOT tainting my vision and perception of the show with... Fandom stuff, Fanon or Ship-centric views, NOT EVEN CREATOR INTERACTIONS. I really tried to watch it blind and enjoy it for what it was.

Fool I was, I should’ve done the opposite.

It’s a tired old story, and a really redundant thing for ME to talk about. But I really felt a DEEP disappointment with She-Ra. Akin to LOSS almost.

Cuz you see, for a year and a half I ended up CENTERING myself on She-Ra, on more than one level.

On one hand, I TRULY believed She-Ra was a show with a story that I loved, there were plenty of characters that REALLY spoke to me. Characters like Glimmer? for example? And her storyline? for me are *one in a million*.

Of course I’m... REALLY compacting my She-Ra experience. I had come to appreciate MANY things about it. It’s world, it’s story, the characters, the comedy, the animation, the people who loved it and grew because of it, etc.

Furthermore, once my initial *doubt* about the show had passed, I really immersed myself in the fandom side of things. And I gotta say, I really enjoyed it for as long as it lasted. I think I experienced a new level of feeling like I *belonged* in a community, and a feeling that people LIKED what I did for it, and that people wanted MORE of ME in it.

Alongside that, and going back to animation. Geez, She-Ra came at the best *or worst* (depends on how you wanna look at it in hindsight now, LMAO), time of my life.

Literally on the verge of me finishing up with Prepschool and having to chose a career for University.

Prior to She-Ra, I really was trying to pinpoint my vocation, and animation had been in my mind for a LONG time, since Steven Universe really.

AND... Idk, AGAIN, THERE WAS SOMETHING ABOUT SHE-RA... which told me... “This is important”. Animation is important, being able to tell tales for people is important. Telling tales for people who need it, or people who don’t often get to tell tales is important. This medium is BEAUTIFUL, I MEAN, LOOK AT EVERYTHING IT CAN SPAWN OUT OF PEOPLE.

So it helped me make THAT decision.

Also alongside these things well... I go back to all of that about “Belonging”, and “community”.

Boy I met some of the most amazing friends I ever have in my life. People whom I respect, people who I admire, people who thought like me, liked ME, enjoyed this show, etc.

OF COURSE, at the time, and I really should’ve known better. We met out of our mutual LOVE for Glimmadora, LMAO.

ME? FALLING IN LOVE WITH AN UNPOPULAR SHIP? Who’da thought.

AND I DID SO, *DAMN NEAR DIVORCED FROM FANDOM* LMAOOOOO, you can see how my “I’ll learn to love whichever aspects of this show I’m *gonna* love, outside of fandom influence” policy really just fucked me in the ass.

AND GOD, DID I *LET IT* BE A PART OF ME.

That comunity, those friends, that ship, that show, those creators. It was all I thought about, and it DROVE me. so much so I put up with so much shit from my University. I put up with so many bad things in my life that were going on because of that show.

And I see now that many of those friends I mentioned did too. GOD, how I wish... we just hadn’t.

I think... for most of us things had already been pretty shit, not gonna lie.

There was the pandemic, for a start. Prior to May the 15th I had an uncle of mine die of COVID, which shook me to *my* core, but dear old She-Ra and the Glimmadora fandom gang were there to cheer me on. (This was around the time really horrid people in the She-Ra fandom, whom LOATHED Glimmadora with a passion were making “Glimmadora shippers must have Covid, since a symptom of Covid is a lack of taste” Jokes btw.)

And I think of my friends also, who have always spoken to me about their problems and their lives. For all accounts I think, they’d always had it harder than me, and they found themselves a WILL and a DRIVE to go on... through this, through She-Ra, and our friendship.

Then May the 15th came and it’s all been going downhill from there HSEBRGJKSEHRBGKJSERHGBJK.

I mean... I understand NOW, just how DAMAGING for myself it was to... cling so much to that show, to all of it. NEVER should’ve connected the drive of my vocation to it.

Cuz yanno... even if I HAVE continued to grow and get better the past few months, some things haven’t changed for the better.

For instance, I basically LOST my entire space here, in fandoms, in ejoying shows. I LITERALLY ONLY CREATE NOW... Either out of spite, or for my friends.

There is a VERY DEEP loathing now within me about stuff like... Catradora for example. I hate it, it makes me feel disgusting, simple as that. And THAT kind of feeling isn’t welcome here, also simple as that. So I’m out of a space and that hurts.

PFFT, basically all the pieces I produce now, which I still do with a She-Ra theme. Nobody’s gonna wanna consume MY content anymore, and they don’t. I made sure they couldn’t because I knew, I wasn’t going to be able to stomache this She-Ra fandom anymore.

That’s been another thing too. I don’t like being a contrarian, I don’t like being the guy who thinks the thing everybody loves is bad or wrong, and if I could SO HELP ME GOD, I’d change my entire view of it all. I don’t really care about being right or wrong anymore, I just want that peace of mind back.

HELL, there were people I knew since 2016 almost, who kinda just told me...

Shut the fuck up or leave.

On some cases I shut my mouth, on others I just left.

And yanno... I do feel miserable about it. But it also makes it all the harder when I think of my friends?

GOD DAMN, EVERYTHING THAT *COULD* GO WRONG, WENT WRONG FOR THEM.

ALWAYS, for all of my friends. And even through the hurt, I sit here and think, well I think I still have hope! I think I still have a drive to go on and persue animation  and tell good stories.

But I understand now... that *I* have a priviledge over my friends. The priviledge of support. I’m not REALLY alone, there’s people helping ME.

My friends don’t have that, and I can’t give them that, how I wish I could.

And it does just HURT only being able to tell my friends, “HEY! Have hope things’ll be better!” And then we all turn to the only beacons of hope we shared, and seeing them all dull and out of light. No Glimmer of hope.

Like, how do you tell people to hold out, to keep fighting, to keep trying to STILL CHASE THEIR DREAMS... When you can’t even help them keep their heads high when they’re trying yo get a damned job. When no matter how much THEY try they keep getting knocked down.

When there’s no longer a space were they feel confortable sharing their creations, because everyone they had ONCE tried to please with them? suddenly decided they were of no value.

So here we are.

I’m starting up a new semester in a couple of days, hopefully building myself up more to chase MY dreams... whilst all my friends suffer and can’t chase theirs.

Shit’s fucked. I wish I could do more.

PFFT, I guess, long story short:

Life unfair, Me Sad.

Me Angery, Me Bitter

Me Lost, They Won

Boohoo I guess.

SO ANYWAYS... I really just... needed to put these thoughts out in words. Scream to the void as it were.

I can’t wait to go back into discord or twitter or tumblr and see how my friends can’t catch a fucking break.

And how things will continue to get worse before they get better.

God I hope they get better, for all of us, if not atleast for them. They’ve already gone through enough.

[purplesurveys]

1030

1. What did you do on the last nice weather day? I’m guessing ‘nice’ here universally means sunny and fair, even though that isn’t my weather of choice. But that said, yesterday I just stayed indoors and caught up on rest by binge-watching Friends, which I haven’t done in a while. I also ordered another embroidery kit online since my first kit, which I had mostly used as a trial since I’ve never done one before, has since run out of the given floss.

2. What do you love the most about your work? I work in an agency, so I’m not forced to do PR under just one company which I think would get boring for me pretty quickly. With the nature of my work, it’s fun working with many different brands/companies at one time because I get to be exposed to and learn about different industries, and I’m also challenged to come up with campaigns that would best fit the different groups that we work with which is always fun. Also, PR is a great way to keep up with the trends and always remain hip because I always know about upcoming campaigns or promos before they’re even unveiled to the public, lol.

3. What do you think about what is going on in the world today? I think wealthy people and big corporations are a crucial, if not the main, root of the world’s problems and it’s frustrating that the task of mitigating those issues is always delegated to everyone below them.

4. What is your favorite way to work out? By not doing so, hahaha.

5. What motivates you? I don’t know if anything has been lately. I’ve been taking life slowly and easily these days and I’m allowing myself to just go through the motions as I digest all these big adjustments currently going on in my life. For now I’m not putting any pressure on myself to be motivated to do anything big. I’m still a little overwhelmed with everything as it is.

...where’s #6?

7. What is something people do that drives you crazy? When people need something from you so they message you, but do unnecessary small talk before asking for a favor. The fact that they need my help does not bother me; the fact that they are only talking to me because they need something from me does not bother me. It’s the small talk that irks me. I’ll be ready to help anybody at any time and it doesn’t matter how long it’s been since we’ve spoken – but just go ahead and ask for the damn thing and don’t waste my time trying to sound like you care about what’s going on in my life.

8. What are some things on your bucket list? Go to Wrestlemania, travel with my own funds, have my own place, have kids.

9. What are some of your deal breakers in a relationship? Do I even have any? Gab dropped so many red flags in our relationship that should have been dealbreakers and my dumb, ever-forgiving ass always saw past them. I think the thing with me is that I think I have a list of dealbreakers, but when actually confronted with them I’m too afraid to speak out about it, so I just forgive and forget and eventually they just stop being dealbreakers. I have to work on that.

10. What do you never leave your house without? My top three are phone, keys, wallet. And of course, as a given – a face mask and face shield.

11. What was your most memorable vacation? Sagada and Singapore/Malaysia, since that was my first trip abroad.

12. Do you have any phobias? Needles and fire.

13. What is your favorite ethnic food? Indian, Thai, Indonesian, and Korean. 14. I love Italian/Thai etc. Would you like to go to my favorite place sometime? I love both, though I like Thai a tad bit more. And yessss, I’m always open to anyone’s recommendations so long as it’s got something to do with food.

15. What TV shows have you binged lately? I’ve been rewatching Friends again and I’m in between seasons 5–7, which I believe to be the show’s peak. Currently, I’m several episodes away from the Ross/Elizabeth storyline and Chandler’s proposal.

16. Send me a funny meme that you shared recently. I haven’t been active on social media, so I haven’t seen any new memes lately. I hate missing out.

17. What do you hate about technology? This is more nitpickiness on my end than anything else, but battery power. I hate being constantly cautious over my gadget running out of power or dying on me especially when I’m out. I often find myself wishing for technology to evolve to the point that we won’t need batteries or to charge stuff anymore, which idek if it’s even possible haha.

18. What sites do you find yourself visiting the most? YouTube, by a mile.

19. Do you have any favorite apps? Again, YouTube. I also like going through Reddit at the end of the day.

20. What is the best part of your day? Any point I don’t find myself feeling miserable.

21. What time period would you like to visit the most, if you could time travel? 70′s punk/rock scene, maybe? < Ooh, this is a good one. Also, late 90s Attitude Era-era WWF/E. And whenever Pompeii was around.

22. What scents do you really enjoy? (a certain flower, cut grass, fireplace, perfume) Bakeries, a newly-cleaned hotel room, coffee shops.

23. What is something that you are terrible at? Giving and following directions, drawing, and cooking.

24. What are some favorites on your playlist right now? Because I mentioned The Japanese House on a survey last night, I am ALL over Saw You In A Dream again. Seriously, god-tier. One of my favorites ever. Outside of that, haven’t been listening to music lately because I’m still sad; but I might find myself back on Spotify soon. As much as I haven’t been tuning into music, I do miss it.

25. What comedy movie is your favorite? Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Also, a bit of a garbage choice but White Chicks.

26. Have you ever meditated? No. I don’t think I have the patience/required attention span for it.

27. What is your dream job? I wanted to be in PR. I currently work at an agency which is my dream for now so yay for me achieving that, but like I’ve said before it would be such a dream come true if I can come work for WWE, my dream company, in any capacity. Getting to work for their in-house PR team would be the perfect icing on the cake.

28. What comes to mind when you think of a great moment in your life? Being in a relationship, and how much I miss that feeling. Now that I’ve experienced both singlehood and having an SO, I can definitely decide that I don’t particularly enjoy being by myself.

29. What do you miss the most about college? The independence I learned to gain. My campus was such a freeing environment and it allowed me to grow so much, to wear whatever I want, to join whatever protest or rally was going on, to meet new people, to hear different perspectives from my classmates. I miss being there.

30. Whenever you text it makes me smile! ???

31. What are you planning this weekend? My weekend is nearly over, actually...for the remaining 10 hours and 20 minutes of it, I willllll probably just watch a bunch of wrestling and maybe find something to watch on Netflix just so that I have something interesting to share for the weekly check-in tomorrow with the team.

32. Who is your favorite band? Paramore, but you knew that already.

33. How do you like to spend your free time? If I manage to find a few free minutes while at work, I gobble that shit up by lying in bed and finding a video to watch. On weekends I like doing embroidery, taking surveys, maybe even find a black hole of articles to read on Wikipedia. I’m also looking forward to playing video games once I’ve finally bought the ones I’ve been eyeing to get.

34. What do you like about springtime? I don’t know. I can’t relate, we don’t have that season.

35. Is your personality similar to anyone in your family? I’m most similar with my mom, but I share traits with my dad as well.

36. How have you handled having to stay in? It was sucky at first, but after eight months you kinda get used to it and just make the most out of things you can do only at home.

37. Are you able to work at home? Yeah, we’re all on a WFH set-up right now.

38. How would your friends describe you? The most popular opinion would probably be ‘shy.’

39. Did you ever take a really big risk? Sure.

40. What do you want to be known or remembered for? Anything but negatively.

[tessatechaitea]

Cerebus #16 (1980)

Cerebus is going up the stairs while Lord Julius is going down them. In the same direction.

Cerebus is often touted as the greatest independent comic book of all time (for various reasons) but I'd like to point out that Elfquest told an incredible story with beautiful art in just 20 issues as opposed to 300. Plus it had an elf orgy. Also, I know it continued on after the first 20 issue story arc but we can ignore the rest of the story because there was never another elf orgy and also the rest of the series concentrated too much on Skywise's fear of dying which was totally valid but was often used as a foil to make Cutter seem braver and more loyal to his wolf roots but really just showed he was stubborn and dumb and totally didn't fuck as many elf maidens as Skywise did. Cerebus does have some sex in his comic book but since the first sex he has is when he rapes Astoria, I don't think anybody was really clamoring for any more of that. I mean, sure, some people were! I didn't mean to erase the sickos and perverts out there. Sorry, jerks! I'm sure the "A Note from the Publisher" bit by Deni seemed like a good idea when starting out on a harrowing self-publishing journey like that of Cerebus. But it quickly became a space where Deni just says, "Self-publishing is fraught with hardships and also this is a really good issue! I won't spoil it! Goodbye!" I won't be sad to see the divorce happen! That's an okay thing to say because it already happened, right? It's not like my wishing for the end of their marriage in 2020 somehow brought about the end of their marriage in the early 80s. Is it? I never took a college course on cause and effect so who the fuck knows? Unless that Critical Literary Theory class was about that?! Oh my God! I think I understand it now! Dave's finale to the "Swords of Cerebus" essay that has been broken up over the last three issues describes how he was consciously drawing the Eye of the Pyramid cult leader's gigantic penis while drawing the snake. Sorry to report, though, that he's being sarcastic. Apparently Dave is above using phallic imagery to make a point about patriarchal themes. Only fucking hacks do shit like that! Take that, whoever wrote fucking Beowulf!

Even if Sim can't see the humor in everybody assuming he made a giant snake dick joke on purpose, he can still be extraordinarily funny with the least of materials.

This issue takes Cerebus to his first fancy dress party (that's a costume party for all of you people who aren't British (which is also me but only because I was born a citizen of the United States of America who didn't have a choice but knew it was a huge mistake as I was learning about Monty Python's Flying Circus and Dave Allen at Large in elementary school and The Young Ones in junior high and Red Dwarf in college)). Cerebus changes out of his vest and puts on his costume: a furry black jumper (that's sweater for all of you people who aren't British (which is also me but only because I was forced to watch mostly American popular entertainment until the advent of YouTube and now I mostly just watch Taskmaster over and over (by the way, is Taskmaster as good for people who don't know all of the "contestants" or do I enjoy it more because I recognize and like almost all of the people on the show?)). Lord Julius is dressed as an, um, a, uh, Estarcion matador? I have no context in which to guess what he is.

Certain people like Cerebus because he says what's on his mind. I purposefully used the passive voice here so you can't prove one of those people is me.

Lord Julius has a follow-up joke that leaves the reader thinking, "I guess all Pavrovians are fat?" That's Dave Sim continuing his work on Estarcion continuity! Remember how Pavrovians are the, um, you knows of Estarcion! You know the nationality I'm thinking of! The ones that are all the things people usually find insulting! Come on, you know who I'm talking about. The dumb fat arrogant stupid naive gullible ones! Yes, that's it! Americans! Try to remember Dave is Canadian. You have to think of Americans through Canadian eyes (which are the equivalent of smart, cynical Americans)! E'lass and Turg have gotten tickets to The Festival of Petunias so they can steal the Wyndmel Diamond. They're the duo composed of a giant muscular man and a little bitty shrimpy guy who last encountered (and were beaten by) Cerebus in Issue #6. E'lass is dressed like some kind of small dirt dwelling creature so I hope Cerebus gets offended by his costume and stabs him in the throat. There isn't enough random slaughter in this book about barbarians.

I haven't wanted to fuck a fish this badly since The Littler Mermaid.

I suppose I could have said "since Splash" in that last caption to seem more normal and less perverted but then you'd know I was lying. The assassins make a move on Lord Julius but Cerebus comes up with a plan to stop them that involves inducing the Palnu elite to throw herring-and-onion dip at them. Is that a parodied scene from Duck Soup or Conan the Barbarian? In the confusion, the lead assassin slips out through a secret door and E'lass, having just stolen the diamond and becoming increasingly paranoid that somebody saw him, slips through it as well. Cerebus and Lord Julius follow, having noticed the assassin but not E'lass. Most of the pursuit's tension comes from E'lass believing Cerebus remembers him and is now going to use the excuse of this new crime to murder him. It's more tense than I've even described because I really need Cerebus to murder somebody in this Swords & Sorcery book already. Reading this book waiting for a murder is like firing up a porn video on your laptop with your dick in your hands and realizing after five minutes that the video is almost over and was just a teaser for a pay porn site. Cerebus threatens to quit his job just before battling the assassin so he can negotiate a term of 8 bags of gold and a horse in exchange for killing the assassin as a pension before he goes. Julius agrees and Cerebus takes out the assassin with a rock to the head. I mean, I guess it's a murder so yay? But I was really hoping for some stabbing. Meanwhile E'lass lives through the cliché of the criminal whose paranoia gets the better of him and he tosses the diamond into a huge pit so he doesn't get caught only to discover that they never knew he took it anyway. Everything is wrapped up quickly and thoroughly with Cerebus given money and motivation to move on from Palnu. Dave complained about his heavy use of cliché in this Palnu trilogy and I have to say I agree with Dave. But I only agree with Dave on this point! Don't take that out of context and start raving on Twitter that Grunion Guy agrees with Dave's Issue #186 rant about girlfriends being illogical which is also secretly a rant about a guy who needs to get laid so badly he puts up with partners he probably wouldn't even be friends with and then finally just decides orgasms are evil and religion is super awesome but only if you smash all three People of The Book religions into one bland mash paste of ancient dogma. In the epilogue, Lord Julius receives a letter from his niece Jaka in which she expresses delight in possibly seeing Cerebus again. I guess Dave learned from Howard the Duck that comic book nerds really love for their anthropomorphic heroes to be fucking statuesque women. Perhaps every guy develops a fetish of being with a woman whose breasts are at head level due to being hugged constantly by their female relatives when they're ten years old. Deni's brother Michael's first installment of the "Aardvarkian Age" essays appears in this issue. It gives more details to the various nations of Estarcion and their inhabitants' culture, ruling styles, and brutality of their armies. I thought I'd be more interested in this than I actually wound up being. Maybe I thought it would be funnier? Instead, it's just a bunch of facts about made-up kingdoms to make them sound more believable by making them more like European countries in the Middle Ages. If this entire bit were just lifted from a history of Europe with the names of actual countries replaced by Estarcion countries, I wouldn't even notice. Mostly because I know nothing about European history. As I've always said, "Those who know about European history are doomed to repeat it, boring every single other person at the cocktail party." Dave apologizes for the quarter price increase of the comic book in the Aardvark Comments pages. Why, I hadn't even noticed! Probably because this is the Biweekly reprint issue and I purchased it as a collection off of eBay. Some people write in and discuss how Cerebus is a very fine and funny comic book. I nodded along in agreement as I read the letters. I only touched my private area twice while reading and neither time was for pleasure. The most surprising thing about "The Single Page" is that it clearly states who the comic was authored by: Kent Featherly. I don't know why so many of these single page comics aren't more clearly labeled. Isn't part of the reason for having them exposure for the artists drawing and writing them?! Not putting an effort to let a large audience know who you are and how they can read more of your work just sounds like something I would do. By the way, you should play this game I wrote, Starship Troopers: The Game. You can find it on the hard drive of my laptop. Cerebus #16 Rating: B. Look, it was funny and well drawn and all that. But even Dave said it relied too heavily on cliché plot devices. I've got to lower the grade when even the author points out some of the story's flaws! And I'd probably have come to the same conclusion without having been influenced by Dave Sim because I'm like the best Internet comic book critic who isn't a critic and isn't actually reviewing comic books. Also I almost forgot this evidence: I'm a Grandmaster Comic Book Reviewer! Nobody else can make that claim and if they do, they're plagiarizing me and I'd like you to point them out to me so I can send them a threatening email in which I pretend to be my own lawyer who is really good at suing dumb-dumbs.

[comeallyelost]

The Handmaid’s Tale 3x08 Thoughts

I think I'm getting a clearer picture of where this season is headed, but the way they are going about it is not at all ideal. 

Four sections to this post:

June

Aunt Lydia

General Episode Notes

The Racism Problem

1. On June’s Sanity

The plot is barely moving forward, but we're seeing more of June's descent into madness/ desperation and her loss of humanity as a result of losing her closest allies. (I'm gonna loop in Serena and Nick here because for a while at least, I think June believed Serena was in her camp post pinky-finger). 

So based on the looks of things, Nick's absence and ambiguity HAS to be intentional since it's having a direct effect on June's ability to cope with the horrors of Gilead.

This episode most definitely was used to paint June as the villain and Natalie/OfMatthew as the victim. They turned it around on us, implying that anyone can go mad here, even our protagonist whom we've been rooting for this entire time. And like, I don't really want to draw too many parallels here, because the development has been a better on THT and there is a much more tangled web of *things* going on, but I'm getting similar "mad queen" Dany vibes that were happening on Game of Thrones.

But honestly, what irks me most about this whole season is how we all came in expecting a season about the resistance. About Mayday, about June fighting back. June STAYED in Gilead for a reason. For Hannah. Or so we thought. Where is that narrative? We've gotten nothing so far. 

I would argue that it does makes sense for June's character to go darker, to go to extremes she would have never considered before. Especially without someone to anchor her down. Nick was her rock and he's gone. Not just physically, but in her mind she feels like she lost the person she thought he was. HOWEVER, just because these elements were removed, it serves no point for her to stray in this direction and lose sight of her daughter, of the fight against Gilead.  The handmaids this episode played out like a Mean Girls skit and poor Janine is this series' punching dummy and I'm getting tired of that.

Side note: Another facet of June’s spiral is the lack of flashbacks. Her ties to Luke, Hannah, Moira, and her life from before are fading. Nick keeping her sane and helping her survive in present Gilead was one side, but her ties to her humanity are also very much embedded in the person she was before. She may not be the same June, but it’s those memories that keep her fighting, that keep her going. And I don’t think we’ve seen a flashback since like...the beginning of ep 5 if I’m not mistaken.

It's been EIGHT episodes gdi. What do we have left? Five? I sincerely hope they're not wasted. But my hope is dwindling. Watching this week's ep I honestly felt like I was watching an entirely different show from the one I was so obsessed with last year.

2. On Aunt Lydia’s backstory

Yay! Woohoo we finally get a backstory for someone new. Except it’s Aunt Lydia, and I don’t think I ever found her compelling enough to merit a backstory. 

What I mean is, I always found her to be as pious as they come in Gilead and she serves the regime wholeheartedly. Her character was always finding a way to help others in some twisted radical christian logic and I was right!

What I do keep seeing people post about that I disagree with is that she “turned” on the young mom because she was rejected by a man. Her motivations are more complex than that. She mentions “moral weakness” enough that I think her compulsion to help others in the way she thought she was helping Noelle was to rid them of it. She thought herself above it, or at least she carried herself as someone who overcame moral weakness and thought it her calling to help others in overcoming it as well. 

So when she found herself displaying it towards the principal, I think something snapped in her. His rejection in the middle of their (intense) make-out session served as a wakeup call to her imo. And she blamed Noelle for making her “morally weak”.

So what we can draw from this flashback I’d say, is that Aunt Lydia’s whole schtick is helping others overcome their moral weakness as she puts it. She truly believes she is doing God’s work. She was totally okay with taking Noelle’s kid away from her. And so the brutalities she’s committed as an Aunt are not seen by her as such. She fits right in. A perfect fit for the role.

3. Thoughts I had while watching the Ep: - the chanting scene in the school gym felt like a nightmare/dream sequence - June’s posse is super clique-y which I kind of like if only they used their powers for the good of the resistance and not to terrorize OfMatthew/Natalie - June tattling on OfMatthew/Natalie was super petty. Can she please focus on the bigger picture? - Hannah and the Mackenzie’s are GONE. What now? I really really thought we were gonna see Hannah get out this season. - Janine is literally the only sane one and yet probably the one who has suffered most - Commander Lawrence's "Do not presume to speak to me about my wife" last episode versus. "I'll bet that felt good" this week - I didn’t quite understand OfMatthew’s behavior. I know she was terrified, and I know June outing her for her sinful thoughts rattled her, but her being on edge enough to beat Janine, kill a guardian, and take his gun? What broke her? - I also hated how that scene was filmed. It felt like a shooter video game sequence

4. On the racism problem:

THT's "colorblind" approach from the inception of the series was already problematic. Margaret Atwood's version of Gilead was based directly on the inequalities she saw in (her) present day. I completely get rejecting the notion of an all-white cast and their logic that a fertility crisis would take priority over racism, but hell, if there is one thing that is inherently american, it's RACISM. A fertility crisis wouldn't ERASE racism altogether. And that's how Hulu's version made it seem. 

Also, another element of Atwood's Gilead and the fertility issue was the underlying eugenics of it all which is not present whatsoever in the series. If we're exploring a fascist, oppressive regime, eugenics is definitely playing some sort of role. Casting a diverse group of women as handmaids and marthas was not a bad move. But simply having the POC ones making the background more "colorful" won't cut it. I think there could still have been a diverse cast with some sort of oppressive racial hierarchy in place within Gilead. The LGBTQ community is targeted, the women are entirely powerless and assigned roles within certain constructs, but they won't even mention race? It's like an unspoken elephant in the room they've decided to ignore. Which then makes all the actions against POC in the series that much more unsettling.

I'm questioning whether this racism is intentional then? Or just a consequence of the ingrained, learned racism we've all grown up with. Either way, it's a complete disaster. Diversity is not just seeing POCs onscreen. It's GIVING THEM A VOICE. It's letting them tell their version of things. Serena as the embodiment of white feminism, I thought, was intentional at first. June's ability to get away with SO MUCH and suffer hardly any consequences in this awful regime, I'm thinking now, is another example of white privilege in this society. And it can be. It would actually be a great tool IF IT WERE ACTUALLY ADDRESSED IN THE SERIES. But instead we just see POCs suffer, get no back stories, no voices, and just see June, Serena, and the other white handmaids carrying the series.

This episode we did get Aunt Lydia saying one of the households didn't want a handmaid of color. So there we had a teeny tiny glimpse into the fact that there is some underlying racism going on somewhere. But again, like all of the other snippets we've seen this season, it leads to nothing. It's not explored or examined or ever addressed again.

I was skeptical of OfMatthew's (Natalie) role as June's partner from the get go. No one here is doing anything except trying to survive. There are imo few actual villains in Gilead except those who constructed it for their own gain. Every single handmaid, martha, ~insert oppressed role in here~ is playing a role in order to survive. 

I've mentioned before that one of the elements I love (or maybe loved in past tense at this point) about this show is how it highlights humanity's capacity to endure suffering or see others endure suffering. When do you snap? Who falls in line and who resists? What are the triggers? What moral standards do you uphold when society as you knew it to be has been erased?  

So taking all that into consideration, OfMatthew/Natalie was never a villain for me. Annoying? Maybe in her intro. But she's popped out 3 kids. She's about to give birth to a 4th and is legit terrified for her daughter. Her snitching on June was shitty, but she was just trying to survive like everyone else. The fact that it cost the life of another martha (who was a POC) and June faced no repercussions was even shittier on the writers’ part.

This show has me going in circles honestly. Questioning whether these decisions were intentional or not. I don't know which one is worse. If it was intentional, the lack of actually addressing the racism in Gilead makes it pretty shitty on the part of the showrunners. If it was unintentional, then they really need to reexamine the writers room and staff more POCs. Like wtf.

[scifrey]

2019 Writing Round Up

The new year is here, and with it everyone is talking about what they wrote this past year. The last quarter of 2019 was a brutal rollercoaster for me, emotionally and personally, so it’s good for me to have the chance to sit here and reflect on what I accomplished and the good things that happened too.

2019 started with receiving a grant from the Toronto Arts Council for The Maddening Science – said grant went to research materials for the novel, a new computer, printer, and keyboard, and paying off some debts. But 2019 also started in a place of utter burn-out, having slammed through writing, editing, and publishing five big novels in three years, as well as rewriting a feature film and completing the scripts for three seasons of a webseries.

I was also working two dayjobs – one first thing in the morning, for an hour and a half, and then a standard eight-hour shift in the evenings which got me home at around 10pm – so my sleep schedule was a mess and I was having trouble not only making time to write, but concentrating when I did have the time.

I started the year in a place of complete exhaustion and mild frustration that neither of my book series had really caught on, and as my agent once said, “burned out from tried to break out.”  I’m not happy to say that I think I still occupy that place a full year later; but I’ve had the opportunity to rest more, and begin to refill my creative well again, and to reclaim my writing space by no longer needing a roommate.

I’m not quite there yet – turns out finishing two series in four years really takes it out of you – but maybe in a few more months I’ll be ready to sit down and begin to spin out a new novel. In the mean time, I’ve got lots of irons in the fire, as you’ll see.

January

The first third of 2019 was dedicated to rewriting The Skylark’s Sacrifice a second time. I’d rewritten it in the last third of 2018 and my editor ended up agreeing that while the rewrite was exactly what she asked for, we should not have gone down that street in the first place. It was what was asked of me, but it didn’t work. So I took it back to the drawing board, and started the re-write all over again.

I also published WORDS FOR WRITERS: The DO-ING Trap.

I finished the edits/polish on A Woman of the Sea, which I had begun in October 2018 and loaded the book onto Wattpad in preparation for serializing it.

February

I spent February rewriting and jobhunting. I tried to write a short story and Did Not Do Well. It’s half done and likely to end up on the Pile Of Unfinished Tales.

At least I got some new words on the page with WORDS FOR WRITERS – Beta Readers.

And I began releasing A Woman of the Sea a chapter at a time on Valentine’s Day.

March

I completed the Skylark rewrites and handed them over to Reuts Publications.  I also published WORDS FOR WRITERS – From Signing to Signing.

At this point I tried to start The Maddening Science, the book I received a Toronto Art’s Council Grant for in 2018, and bashed out a few chapters and a few scenes. But something was off about it, and I couldn’t pinpoint why, so I kept going into the file and only put a few hundred words in here and there. I couldn’t really sit down and dig in, and because I don’t believe in Writer’s Block as a mystical magical reason for why people can’t write (there are always reasons), I had to step back to try to figure out why I was struggling. I assumed it was probably because I was in the middle of job interviews and decided to try again later.

April

I started a new copywriting job, leaving my other two dayjobs, and it sucked up all my brainpower and creativity and made it very hard to want to sit down and compose yet more words at the end of the day.

I resumed working piecemeal on The Maddening Science, pecking out what I could one molasses-slow sentence at a time. I realized that the incidents in the news regarding the current political comment and the toxic white supremacist misogyny that is rampant in our society today has made it very hard to figure out how to tell a responsible story about a supervillain as the protagonist.

I’m still working on that. In the mean time, while I figure out how to restructure the tale, the book and the progress blog are on hiatus.

May

Still brain-dead from work, I only managed to bash out WORDS FOR WRITERS: How do social media and writing/publishing work together?

June

There were some final edits on The Skylark’s Sacrifice to be discussed, but I really did nothing this month beyond marketing pushes and watching all the webseries I judged for TOWebfest.

July

The director of my feature film, To a Stranger, was going to start shopping the script around to executive producers, so before he did that I got some actorfriends together to do a table read. The read, and their feedback, revealed some character motivation gaps in the film, and I set about organizing their notes and figuring out how to solve the issues.

I also wrote and published WORDS FOR WRITERS – How To Write a Synopsis.

This was also the month of TOWebfest, the festival itself, and I spent a lovely day with fellow creators and spoke to some executive producers about my own webseries to try to garner interest.

I was a guest at Pretty Heroes Con for the first time and LOVED it. It’s great to celebrate strong female leads in SF/F and I loved Sailor Moon as a kid, so I was in nostalgic nirvana. It was lovely to introduce those Girl Power-loving fans to The Skylark’s Saga.

August

I restructured and rewrote To a Stranger, added extra characters and extra scenes to clear up some character motivation in the screenplay. It’s now back with the director and I hope to hear that he’s got a production house and an Exec attached to the project soon.

I appeared at FanExpo Toronto to do some panels, sell some books, and judged the short fiction contest. I also wrote and published WORDS FOR WRITERS: How to Create a Pitch Package.

September

The Skylark’s Sacrifice was published! Yay! I had a wonderful launch party at Bakka Phoenix, and got to simultaneously launch the incredible book trailer for the duology animated by Elizabeth Hirst to a song by Victor Sierra. Friends Adrianna Prosser and Eric Metzloff, and Danforth Brewery made it extra special.

I also got to read at Word on the Street, which was been a career-long dream, reading on the new Across the Universe Stage.

However, September was also the month when I lost the copywriting job. I saw it coming, so I was shocked when it happened and how it went down, but not surprised. I wasn’t fitting in well with the team, the original project I had been hired for had been vetoed by the execs, work was being taken away from me and given to freelancers, and I didn’t have the training they wanted (though that makes me wonder why they hired me in the first place.) In retrospect it’s been a blessing, as the workplace was not at all a good fit for me and was slowly becoming toxic, but at the time it was a devastating blow to my confidence and my coffers.

Just a few days after I was fired, on my 37th birthday, I won a Watty Award for A Woman of the Sea. Happy birthday to me! I was offered a place among the Wattpad Stars program and accepted – and wow, is there a lot of paperwork for that – and I’m still trying to figure out what benefits the program offers. (Though I’m pretty chuffed with my free Canva Premium subscription!) A Woman of the Sea was featured on the home page as an Undiscovered Gem and as of today has about 82k reads. Whoa!

I also wrote and published WORDS FOR WRITERS: How to Plan a Series.

October

I spent most of the month sleeping and crying and working through how I felt about getting fired. When one identifies oneself as a writer, to finally get a job in writing was a thrill and felt like a confirmation that although I was struggling with my next book, I was a writer and I’d get through it. Being fired from the job – even though the reason was an exec decision to eliminate my project and thus my role – felt like a very personal blow. I wasn’t a writer after all. (Or at least, that’s what it felt like).

This had me thinking long and hard. Especially about where I wanted my writing career to go next – as much I’ve been writing in the realm of SF/F the past decade, I’ve begun to realize that was I really am is a Character-Driven Romance writer. Romance set in spec fic and fantasy realms, sure, but Romance and Character Work are my wheelhouse and how I should be selling myself.

This realization has been pretty freeing because it means that the frustrations and roadblocks I’ve been coming up against can maybe be dissolved by reframing my brand and rethinking my career map.

Wattpad added the sample of City By Night that’s on Wattpad to their Halloween Reads list on the homepage and I decided to put the whole novella up on the site for people to read. Read it now, though. It won’t stay up forever as the eBook rights to the novel are signed with an indie publisher. This is just a limited-time promotion.

And knowing that readers were asking what I would be posting next on Wattpad after A Woman of the Sea, I rejigged Triptych for the site and started serializing it from the start. You can read it here. This story also won’t stay up forever, for the same reason.

I also started serializing Words for Writers on Wattpad. I won’t be copying over all 75+ articles I have on my website, just the ones that are specifically useful for Watties.

I also polished a webseries and sent it to a producer with a major broadcaster after our convo at TOWebfest for consideration. I’ve followed up but there’s no reply. I’ll follow up again in January 2020 but I can pretty well assume that No Answer is my ‘No’ Answer.

I am thinking about maybe pitching it as a graphic novel in the future, though I’m going to have to reach out to my friends who write them for publishers to figure out how to put at pitch together.

November

In 2017 I handed over a YA contemporary re-telling of “Northanger Abbey” to my agent, and it was lukewarmly received by both her and the handful of editors she showed it to. It was then shelved for possible future reworking.

In the first part of the NaNoWriMo month, I decided to tackle this reworking, and I was still wrestling mentally with The Maddening Science. This reworking was inspired a lot by reading Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston in October, and realizing that the tone I’d been going for with my narrator hadn’t been irreverent or GenZ-y enough for the story I was trying to tell, and not grounded enough in the technologies and social media that my modern-day Catherine Morland would have access to.

I reworked the Pitch Document for the novel, now currently called “Title TBA”, and got to chapter seven during NaNo. I’ve got some thinking to do about structure for the novel, and how far into using Social Media As A Storytelling Tool I want to go with the idea, but generally speaking I’m pretty pleased with the result of the rewrites.

Partway through NaNo, it occurred to me that there was another story that my Wattpad readers were asking for, and one that would be a lot of fun to write. In A Woman of the Sea, my fictional Regency-era  Jane-Austen-analogue authoress Margaret Goodenough writes her debut novel “The Welshman’s Daughters”. As I describe this non-existent novel in A Woman of the Sea, it’s a gothic romance that’s very Elizabeth Gaskell-and-Jane Austen-esque in terms of it being a character study driven romance, with some of the fun high melodrama and gothic tone of Anne Radcliffe. And, in the world of A Woman of the Sea, it’s the first queer kiss in Classic Western Literature.

A handful of readers have asked where they can find this book, or have confessed to going to the library to ask for it, only to learn that it’s not real. I made it up.

And I thought… well, why not make it real?

So I’m working on the pitch doc and the first chapter now, to see if a) this is something I want to pursue and b) this is something that will help me break through my burn-out slump. I hope it will, but I think I still need to take time to rest before I really push into it.

And I still have the “Title TBA” rewrites to complete.

December

I published WORDS FOR WRITERS: How Do I Get An Agent?, and spent the rest of the month just trying to chill. I’ve become a bit of a reluctant reader, so I am trying to push myself to read a little each day, to remind myself why I fell in love with storytelling in the first place.

A Woman of the Sea was turned down for Paid Stories, unfortunately, because of the structure of the romance. The Stars Team explained that romance stories like this one, with one romantic partner in the first half of the book, and a different one in the second (a la Brigit Jones’ Diary) doesn’t tend to do well on Paid because readers are reluctant to shell out for a romance where they don’t meet the HEA partner until later. It’s heartbreaking to hear, because I was really hoping that this might become a viable stream of income for me. At least the team who turned it down were very kind and expressed how much they loved the story in and of itself.

But no matter – onwards and upwards!

What’s ahead for 2020

Well, I’m not sure. This has been a really, really difficult year and I have really, really struggled with trying to figure out who I am and what I want, both in life and as a writer.

Certainly, there will be lot of hard thinking about the future of my writing career. I have ideas that I love and want to pursue, but this post-firing-return-to-the-job-hunt-depression is killing my desire to create. And honestly, the fact that I’ve worked so hard for so many years and haven’t managed to get any sort of break-through or cultural foothold or ability to even really to pay my bills with this job is disheartening. I’m still paying more in marketing every year than I’m making in Royalties.

However, I have some new opportunities on the horizon – conversations happening behind closed doors, as well as Divine Paradox Films still working toward filming To A Stranger, and Alpaca vs Llama shopping The Skylark’s Song as a teens animated series. And the webseries I wrote is under consideration with a new production team, so I can keep my fingers crossed.

Who knows, perhaps the rewritten “Title TBA” might be just the thing to propel my work into a realm where I’m really earning money. Though I had originally envisioned it as the first of a series, the more I work and think on it, the more I feel like it would be best as a stand-alone. I think it would slap a lot harder if it was a one-off.

And I am genuinely liking the plot of The Welshman’s Daughters, and all the research reading and viewing I am doing to get the tone and mood of the book right (please recommend me your favourite Gothic Romances – film, TV, or books!)

But I’m not going to rush anything. It’s nice to be able to remember how to putter with a book and have no looming, razor-blade deadlines hanging over my neck.

2020 will be, I hope, a year of renewed creativity, motivation, and the year where I complete at least one of the three novel projects I’ve started.

For now, I think I’m going to go have a nap.

*

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[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S3 Ep 36-37: Local Mom-Friend’s Weird Trick, Doctors Hate Him

Hey y’all it’s a surprise midweek post because I’m in Canada this weekend woo. Surprised I even got this post done, TBH, I finally get some time where I’m not commuting around to and from San Francisco or corralling small children and I can just sit at my computer and focus and have some peace and quiet and I got--a mysterious sickness from all those kids! *yay* So, since I can’t really focus on anything, I’ll type in here and see if any of my words make any sense at all and hopefully I won’t go on some weird ass tangent like I tend to do like every other post.

So Yugi is still dueling Kaiba, much like he has for the past like...it feels like 4 years. I know I’ve only seen 3 seasons but this is...this is a really long duel. Maybe because there was a month-long break for me in the middle, (during which I watched the entirety of Evangelion, 2 Seasons of Gotham, Stranger Things S3, and the disappointing season of One Punch Man so like...I’ve had some time away from Yugioh) or maybe...maybe it’s because they’re actually playing card mechanics that go more in depth...

But yeah, despite everything, they’re still dueling.

And honestly, I’m looking at that episode number above me and it’s like...so there’s this Kaiba and Yugi Duel and then...only one more duel, right? Is it going to be a ten episode duel? Like unless Rebecca comes back for a weird cameo like...how...?

Whatever, we’ll get there when we get there.

Anyways, everyone who’s been avoiding this duel like the plague is down with the plague victims in the hospital. That’s where Tristan gets a bright idea and it’s one of his dumber ones, believe it or not.

Man, I forgot that comatose Joey Wheeler is still wearing that duel disk Pharaoh slapped on him during all this too, haha.

Also, why does he have to have all these pectoral suction cups while they just kinda...gave up on Mai? I mean I know they can’t show boobies on a Y7 show but like...it really feels like the doctor just kinda shrugged at Mai and was like “I only have one set of boob suction cups, I really didn’t think I’d need more than that, if at all.”

(read more under the cut)

And so Tristan decides that if Joey is at the window which is like...600 ft below Yugi Muto’s duel, a duel you can’t...really see from the ground...then Joey Wheeler will arise.

I mean, it’s gonna work, it’s just also kind of laughable that Joey wasn’t able to hear any of this nonsense from the bed that is two feet away from the window.

But wtv, it’s very dramatic and Tristan gets to cry some more and feel useful I guess.

The haunted underwear mannequin plot-thread was dumped between that episode and this one, and I’m kinda bummed out that more things haven’t turned into haunted underwear mannequins.

Instead of horrific underwear mannequins, Joey’s dream has gone back to the standard fare of Joey picking on middle schoolers and wearing a much better outfit than he has for most of this show.

I will super miss Joey in a fitted suit. Like, soak it allll in horny preteens, because pretty soon, Joey Wheeler will be back in that scruffy oversized T-shirt just like...well, just like how a teenager would be. I mean there’s some REASONS Mai can’t date Joey, but the fact he has a fitted suit he refuses to ever wear is one of the top reasons right under, youknow, the fact he’d need a fake ID to ever go out with her.

It’s kind of amazing actually, how my whole life I kinda just figured this was a show of insane character designs, only to find out when I actually watch the show that there is like a ... REALLY horny line just going all the way through it.

Honestly, me trying to figure out how and when this kid’s show got so damn horny has been a very big mystery I’ve been trying to solve in the background this entire time. Like, I was told “yeah the Yugioh boys get very attractive.” and I was like “ehhhhhhhh I don’t even know what you’re talking about” but, little by little over the past 3 seasons, these animators are starting to draw these boys just waaaaaaay older than these kids actually are. I’m starting to see what people are saying. It’s still not my thing, personally, but uh yeah I can see how this spawned all that fanart now.

Anyways, speaking of, the other day a friend of mine’s sister was talking about how she, as a millennial, has been wired to love very tall skinny boys in skinny pants and very long coats with popped collars and I immediately was like “Lol are you admitting to Seto Kaiba?”

And she meant Cumberbatch Sherlock, LOLOLOLOL.

And so, back on the duel field we got Seto Kaiba, who’s a lot like Sherlock except a Sherlock who is suffering from both short term and long term memory loss. And, who does cards instead of heroin.

They probably both play violin.

Kaiba, despite having arc after arc where his little brother is his main motivation, has decided to just ditch Mokuba and it’s like...either he’s psyching Yugi out or Seto Kaiba forgot he had a brother for a little bit. He might...he might have forgotten. Mokuba is standing behind him, after all.

And so, because Joey is facing Yugi at just the right moment and at just the right time, somehow he can do his little force ability again and just do this:

Thanks, hallucination!Joey.

And out he goes, drawn like a romance anime character lol.

Anyways, he’s back to being a slob so...welcome back, wrinkle shirt, it’s been a while.

And then Joey looks around and actually said this:

“Did someone get hurt?” He asks, after being burned, electrocuted AND drowned just yesterday.

I was kinda very much hoping Tristan would deck him out.

Glad that, as predicted, the moment Mai doesn’t need to be Joey’s main motivation anymore, the moment he puts the cards away, she may as well not even exist. This show and the way they write straight romances.

Please admire the matching lace up boots on the Kaiba Corp’s Emergency Squad. This would be the most obscure Cosplay on earth but maybe the most wearable Yugioh cosplay outside of Bandit Keith because you wouldn’t need a 400 dollar wig.

And then for some reason Tea just loses her mind and has a complete breakdown. She’s been kind of a mess since Yugi walked out like 2 episodes ago, which seems kind of...I dunno, both out of character but very much in character at the same time. I mean we’re assuming they “have” a relationship it’s just never actually say that they do, so her acting like her man is dead is kinda like...it still feels like it comes out of freakin nowhere.

Anyways, Tea who is strong enough to lift this entire plane and who is, in fact, possessed by at least 2 powerful ghosts (remember Shadi did spends some time there and he did NOT like it), is now a seeping crying mess that refuses to lose any more of her hospital-prone boys.

I mean they were going to go anyway, but they let Tea pretend she had any control over that and kind of glazed over this.

Back in this game that no one else is really watching anymore, Seto Kaiba is still monologuing about his entire life story that he’s never gotten any therapy for, except for that time his evil step brother accidentally gave him therapy.

Quite upset we never see the color of Mokuba’s little tuxedo.

Course...didn’t...Noah wear a little tuxedo in that same exact shape? I mean it’s a silly headcanon but youknow...it could be a yellow tuxedo they just happened to find in the back of the closet.

And it’s at this point that Mokuba just lost his lid. I’m so used to Mokuba unconditionally supporting his crazy brother that this would have been the biggest anime betrayal of the whole series, if Mokuba had said any of this outloud (which he wisely did not).

It was like...damn Mokuba. He actually said something along the lines of “I liked you better when you were poor” and it was like. Holy cow, Mokuba. Damn.

Anyway, a bunch of card stuff happens, and Pharaoh has decided that Seto has too much anger in his heart, and that’s why he will lose. Then, Pharaoh played the card proof for how angry Seto is, and if I actually payed any attention to cards, it would have been very meaningful.

But anyways, kudos to Pharaoh on not mind-wiping Seto Kaiba this time or launching him directly off this very tall tower like he attempted to do last time. They actually played a game start to finish with eachother and nothing exploded except for every television in Domino. Progress.

and then Mokuba started crying and initially I thought...wouldn’t he have WANTED his brother to lose but then I kind of remembered oh yeah now Mokuba has to deal with this oncoming aftermath.

RIP Mokuba, I guess.

Anyway, I’m out of town for the rest of the weekend, escaping to the far North to get away from the weather. I should be back next weekend, but if I’m not, I was probably eaten by a bear. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, if you just got here, this is a link to my Yugioh recaps in Chrono order from the beginning.

[nootscamoonder]

Something’s Missing // Newt Scamander x Reader

Word Count: 1498

Warnings?: angst, i think that’s it?? gee i hope that’s it

A/N: First Newt angst!! yay? I’m sure there are lots of mistakes in this but it’s been sitting in my drafts for forever and i just don’t have the energy to proofread. If there’s any mistakes feel free to point them out, and let me know what you think of the fic in general! I’d love to hear feedback :D ALso!! If anyone has any Newt prompts you’d want me to write then please send them to me, i need inspiration :’]

The pencil scratched against the paper as your hand flew across it, sketching the scene before you. The lady’s delicate jacket, that man’s funny hat and the intricate pattern of the building across the road. The paper rustled as you flipped to the next page, your eyes darting up to find a new detail to focus on when you felt a small presence to your left. Looking down, you were met with a tiny green stick-like creature that was on the bench beside you, apparently attempting to climb the sleeve of your blue coat. You let it do its thing and kept your left arm completely still whilst your right hand began darting across the page again as you tried to decipher the anatomy of the critter. This is was, you decided, much better than the usual things you drew. Although, as it climbed, trying to draw it accurately was nearly impossible and when it reached your shoulder it was completely unachievable. The little creature clinged to your collar and the leaves on its head rustled when it leaned over to peer at your sketchbook. Seeing itself on the page must have pleased it because you heard what sounded like a happy squeal from its direction.

“Hello” you whispered at it, lifting your hand for it to climb onto to, and it did just that although it seemed slightly hesitant. You let it make itself comfortable in your hand before talking again.

“What are you doing here, little guy?” You asked the creature. It drooped and mewled sadly in response. Trying to be comforting, you used your finger to gently pet one of the leaves on its head. When you thought about it, the creature did seem out of place in the middle of London, the green colour and shape of it made it seem more like it belonged in nature, amongst trees. Not in the midst of a bustling city.

“You’re lost, aren’t you, buddy?”

A small nod in reply.

“Oh dear, that isn’t good.”

A squeal of agreement.

You knew, of course. that this wasn’t a normal creature. It wasn’t the first one you’d seen. Well, the first one of this specific species but you’ve seen others. It’s an advantage of drawing out in the open like this, you observe things others don't. You know about magic and wizards, although your knowledge is fairly limited, being a 'muggle' yourself. When you were younger you witnessed your own parents die at the hands of magic, it was an accident. They were just in the wrong place in the wrong time. You could never bring yourself to be angry, sure you mourned their deaths but the magic you saw inspired you, it's what motivated you to draw.

An activity you often did when you were bored was watching the passers-by and guessing if they were witches or wizards. Looking up now, you looked for any potential wizards, the tiny creature in your hands was lost and it definitely had not travelled into the city by itself, so naturally it must have accompanied someone. Your eyes landed on a tall man with a blue coat, similar to yours. His messy red-brown curls draped over his forehead and he was clutching a worn brown case. The way he was frantically checking around made his coat flare out, revealing a wand tucked away on his waistband. You lifted your hands and guided the creature back on your shoulder then subtly pointed at the man.

"Think he's looking for you?" you said in a whisper. The creature perked up and started squeaking, making you chuckle. Quickly gathering your sketchbook, you slipped it into your pocket and stood, starting to make your way towards the distraught man.

You tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. He swung round to face you and your heart skipped a beat. He was gorgeous. His sea green eyes hid behind his hair and his cheeks were dusted with delicate freckles. His eyes snapped to your shoulder, noticing the green critter that was clutching to it. You blinked a few times and regained your composure before speaking,

"I trust this little guy is yours?"

The man nodded, "thank you for finding him."

He then reached his hand out for the creature to hop on, but instead it scuttled down the sleeve of your coat and into the pocket. A second later your sketchbook was poking out the top so you grabbed it before it could fall. Lifting it up, you found the creature clinging to the bottom of it.

“It was more like he found me, really” You laughed. The man smiled as he detached his tiny friend.

“He really brightened up my sketchbook,” you continued, seemingly catching on to what the creature was trying to do. “Drawing city folk is fun but it does make things quite dull, your friend was a welcome change.” You opened to the page that featured the creature and held it up for the man to see. His smile grew somewhat, and you glowed inside.

“These are amazing!” He said eagerly, “you’re really talented, Miss...?”

“Oh! L/N. Y/N L/N.”

“Y/N, my name is Newt Scamander and this bowtruckle here is Pickett” he gestured to the pocket where Pickett was dwelling.

“It’s nice to meet you”

“You too”

 -

You wrapped your arms around Newt’s shoulder and let your head rest on top of his.

“What’s the matter, love?” you murmured into his curls, getting a sigh in response. Upon hearing it you straightened up and sat on a seat beside him, taking his calloused hands into yours. “Talk to me, please.”

Newt didn’t respond, he just stared at the table in front of him. You were about to say something else but decided against it. Pressuring him wasn’t the way to do it. Instead, you focused on his hand in yours, stroking your thumb across his knuckles, and waited. It took a while, but you eventually heard Newt speak. His voice was hoarse, as if he’d been crying,

“it’s dangerous.”

You blinked and waited for him to continue, when he didn’t you spoke out. “I’m afraid I don’t understand, Newt. What’s dangerous?”

“Everything. Things came to light in New York and,” he paused. “It’s not safe.”

Fear gripped your heart. Hearing Newt admit something wasn’t safe was a rare occasion, he was always so willing to anything with no regard for his own well being. Newt had only been home for a week and you realised he hadn’t exactly been acting like his happy self. You didn’t bring up the topic of what might have happened abroad out of respect for Newt’s privacy and he hadn’t addressed it either, until now. Questions flooded your mind, but you pushed them aside, not wanting to pry too much, instead you tried to give him a smile.

“Well then, I suppose you’ll just have to be careful for once, Newt.” You said. Trying to add a hint of light humour to your voice, but it fell on deaf ears. Newt finally heaved his head up and his eyes met yours, they were dull, devoid of their usual glimmer and you had to suppress tears that threatened to spill. He looked broken.

“I’m not worried about myself, Y/N.” He urged. “I’m worried about you. I can’t risk you getting hurt, please understand that, love. Please understand that it hurts me so much to do this.”

His voice trembled and your tears spilled in confusion.

“To do what, Newt?”

Moving slowly. Too slowly. He lifted his wand from where it lay on the table and a sob racked your body. Newt had never used magic on you, ever. Not even the most harmless of charms, and its one of the reasons you loved him so much, but now all that trust was being cruelly thrown out of the window.

“I promise you, love, you won’t feel a thing” he whispered, “you won’t even remember it.”

You tried to move, to run and hide but you couldn’t make your body move. Instead you just sat there, shaking with tears flooding your eyes. You opened your mouth, you wanted to say something, anything, but your voice was replaced with another sob. Newt met your eyes one last time.

“Obliviate.”

-

Weeks later he returned to that street. You were sitting on the same bench you resided on almost every day. A sketchbook was open on your knees, and you held a pencil in a tight grip. Even from a distance he could see your frustration and upon further inspection, he noticed your bewilderment. Your head swivelled as you surveyed the area, Newt’s breath caught in his throat as he attempted to keep his emotions at bay. You had a far-away look in your eyes. Like you were forgetting something. Like you were missing something.

Pickett whimpered from his pocket. He knew the bowtruckle was observing you too. With a shaky sigh, Newt clutched his suitcase tighter and walked away.