#i get very very very angry talking about the human consequences of war

[shallowrambles]

you seem to talk a lot about the military i was wondering your stance on it?

This is a very broad question.

In anti-war, so this naturally means I'm not a fan.

HOWEVER, I'm not entirely anti-soldier because the cultural pomp, circumstance, and glory ascribed to being a soldier is imho often a giant-ass honey trap.

A lot of research has been done on how class intersects with military, and although soldiers are getting more middle-class and richer, there is a class and race element concerning who is more likely to actually see active combat. I have...complicated feelings about that.

The rich folks use you up and spit you out. I think that's a very special kind of evil.

That said, I rant and rave here occasionally, but I don't use Tumblr for my activism, and I don't have plans to either.

It's VERY frustrating to live in a world that is so fast and loose with its resources that it actively perpetuates more warfare.

[twelvemonkeyswere]

watching more of Ace and 7th, I'm delighted by their unmatched dynamic:

the Doctor built a gigantic weird grey square thing to substitute Ace's boombox, which was destroyed by the Daleks (awww)

while spying on some nazis, Ace sneezes. the Doctor immediately fakes bird sounds so nobody suspects there's a human there

when Ace sprained an ankle, the Doctor adamantly insisted on helping her himself and gave her a small speech about how she has to take care of herself

while spying on the nazis, the Doctor asked Ace if she ignored his instructions and has explosives in her backpack. she says she's "a good girl" and does as she's told, so he says "excellent, blow that vehicle up." she's SO thrilled about it

Ace has defended the Doctor with all her heart every time someone accuses him of something because that's her Professor and she rescued him from the street and gave him a forever home. she defended him even though he refused to explain his past and a cryptic lady teased that the Doctor had deep secrets that couldn't be revealed without grave consequences, and there were hints that he was involved in the creation of Gallifrey in the Time of Chaos. Ace said "fuck the lot of you this is my old weird little guy go find your own" and stood her ground

Ace made friends with a girl in a town who had her exact same energy. they began talking about nitroglycerine so Ace told her they should talk outside. when her new friend asked why, Ace said "he gets upset when I talk about explosives" loud enough for the Doctor to hear her laugh. he let her go without another word

in that same episode, Ace meets another female soldier who was now commanding Brigadier, as well as Brigadier Stewart's wife. They all went out on a girl's night, leaving the house chores to their respective male companions. The Doctor was beaming at the women while leaving and very cheerily said he'd cook something for the men left behind

sometimes the Doctor is trying to figure something out and Ace chimes in to ask questions that prove the Doctor has been teaching her about physics

the 7th is very vocally anti-war and anti-violence yet has immediately resorted to death threats the moment someone's even sniffing at Ace. I've seen him use a sword, several types of guns, and maybe a bomb? All to prevent Ace from being slightly threatened

Ace accidentally destroyed a madman's lab while being attacked by some creatures. The scientist was all "YOU RUINED MY LIFE'S WORK" and the Doctor turned proudly to Ace and said "that's my girl"

one time they sat at a bar and Ace tried to order alcohol. the Doctor growled a warning "Aceeeee" and she sheepishly changed it for a lemonade

the Doctor boops Ace's nose several times as a sign of affection, and Ace smiles and accepts it, which I'm CERTAIN she would never take from anyone else

Ace has repeatedly dragged the Doctor around when he was being stubborn, sometimes even using his own umbrella, which I'm CERTAIN he would never take from anyone else

the Doctor keeps sending Ace places where she will be out of harm's way and Ace keeps finding direct and indirect ways to put herself in harm's way, which makes the Doctor then run after her to help her. this is literally what most episodes are about.

Ace repeatedly refuses help and compliments, but never from the Doctor. she also talks with insolence to most adults she encounters, but never to the Doctor, even when she's angry or talking back to him

the Doctor encourages Ace to be brave about her fears. there are very few things that truly scare Ace and make her feel insecure, and he is honest about what makes him scared and insecure, to show her he wants her to get through this

one time they had to return a magic sword to its place, and they were doing a ritual about it. Ace, who took it out in the first place, held the sword insouciantly to put it back and the Doctor says "Ace, don't you have a sense of the moment? this is important" and Ace just flatly says "no" and smashes the sword back

after a long day of being hunted down by creatures the Doctor paces around to monologue and when he turns to Ace, she's fallen asleep on a couch. so he smiles and gently pats her cheek with the back of his hand

truly the most duo of all time

[aziraphales-library]

Hello lovelies! Do you have any fics in which Aziraphale just breaks or snaps and Crowley is there to help deal with the fallout?

Also, thank you for all the work you do for the fandom, I love coming on here every couple days and finding a new fic.

Hi! You can check our #aziraphale's trauma, #protective crowley, #mental health, #emotional hurt/comfort, and #bamf aziraphale for fics to enjoy. Now, breaks and snaps have different connotations, I feel. So here are a couple where Aziraphale breaks down and struggles, and a couple where he snaps and gets angry. Mind the tags on some of these!...

The consequences of averting the apocalypse by Whovian_holmes (G)

Aziraphale hasn't been feeling himself since the whole business with Armageddon, and he can't hold it back any longer.

Flaming Like Anything by Sunglasses_In_The_Bentley (NR)

Aziraphale misses Crowley terribly. Heaven is a miserable place to be and all this talk about the Second Coming is making Aziraphale nervous. Can he stand the pressure? And what will happen when he snaps?

Fear Not by EdosianOrchids901 (E)

When Aziraphale is attacked by a group of humans, he struggles against his desire to harm them. Finally, he snaps and unleashes righteous fury. Can Crowley help him find his way back?

The Angels Don't Fly Down Here, Prove Yourself and RISE by VariantLoki (M)

A rush of all different emotions flooded into Aziraphale’s head, swirling together violently like a hurricane in the middle of the ocean. He sank to the floor, shutting his eyes and clenching his fists together so much that his nails were digging into his palms. His body started to shake, and he could feel the tears beginning to form. He sat there like that for who knows how long, trembling in what he could only assume was a panic attack. Emotions continued to clash within him. Fear, Despair, Guilt, Pain, and countless other extremes all fought inside his mind until one came out victorious in their war and took over. Rage.

Appendange by midnightdragons (T)

“It is unangelic to act the way humans do, Aziraphale. Did the Lord not craft you to be an angel?" When coming back from a meeting in Hell, Crowley runs into Aziraphale, who is returning from a respective meeting with Heaven. However, the demon soon realizes that something is very, very wrong, as Aziraphale is acting less like an ethereal being, and more like an innocent child whose parent had screamed in their face for no reason at all.

a moment's silence by viperinz (T)

Crowley rubs a hand down his face, sighing. “Then you know that you shouldn’t have done that.” “It was the only choice I had. If you got smitten—” Aziraphale swallows, feeling his back throb in pain. “You would have died right where you stood. I could not allow that.” Crowley’s mouth turns into a thin line, his fury radiating through the room. “So, what? It was better if it was you rather than me that took the hit?” “Yes!” Aziraphale exclaims, sitting up in bed. He winces as his back protests the movement, but he needs Crowley to understand. “You deserve better than what I was able to ever give you, and you need to help Muriel and the Messiah. If I ceased to exist, nothing would change the outcome of stopping all of this.” “No, you don’t get to say that.” Crowley walks up to the bed. “If you think I’ll ever stand to lose you again, then you’re bloody wrong. The outcome would be different because I wouldn’t have you, you daft thing.”

After everything is said and done, Aziraphale has to learn to adjust to life on Earth after seven years of being in Heaven. Luckily, Crowley is there to help him heal, and to give him the love that he feels he's lost.

- Mod D

[princeescaluswords]

I like Stiles as a character, but I often get frustrated by fanon diverging from canon, and the worst of it to me is the ways that Lydia treated by Stiles - as something he deserves, most notably when she kisses Scott and he's angry, which the fandom holds against Scott because apparently Lydia making choices means Scott is a bad friend - or in the scene when Lydia is high after the werewolf attack at the movie rental place, and the only thing that keeps Stiles from doing [something] is that Lydia calls out for Jackson rather than him.

I think Stiles is kind of a jerk, and I like him because of it, but the fanon Stiles used as a weapon to bludgeon canon Scott is... the dumbest thing in the fandom

Have you ever seen the frequent criticism on this site that certain people should have paid more attention in English class? This criticism arises from posts like the one I saw today, where a person was confessing that "people think Stiles is evil because he almost made out with Lydia while she was drugged up." I don't think Stiles is evil for doing that; it sounds like you don't think Stiles is evil. I've never actually heard anyone call him evil for almost giving into temptation. (The closest I've ever come to calling Stiles's evil is his behavior in Lies of Omission (5x09) and Status Asthmaticus (5x10) and I don't even go that far). What we do recognize that what he did in Lydia's bedroom in The Tell (1x05) wasn't the right way to behave.

Stiles's desire for Lydia is real and natural; it was his inability to recognize and respect proper boundaries that almost created a very bad situation. He did pull away when Lydia said Jackson's name; the realization that she was confused about who he was and not secretly attracted to him reminded him that his behavior wouldn't be the fulfillment of his desire but him taking advantage of her. It's a good scene that tells us about Stiles's weaknesses but also about his strengths: beyond the insecurity that leads him to fixate on the most unattainable girl in school and his constant disregard for proper boundaries, Stiles is a fundamentally decent human being.

So why do I, personally, bring up this scene when talking about Teen Wolf a lot? Stiles-stans (who are not really fans of Stiles but fans of Fanon Stiles or, more accurately, Self-Insert with a Stiles Name Tag) like to go on and on about how deficient a person Scott McCall, the lead protagonist, is because he was "obsessed" with Allison and lacrosse. They argue this to say why they 'dislike' him, but what they actually mean is that he shouldn't be the lead protagonist. But they never seem to remember Stiles's behavior when it comes to Lydia (or Derek's behavior when it comes to Paige or Liam's behavior when it comes to Hayden for that matter).

My position -- and I think the production shared this position -- is that Scott's desire to have a girlfriend and make first line on the lacrosse team is real and natural. However, his attempts to avoid recognizing and coping with the consequences of Peter's vicious assault could lead to very bad situations unless he took responsibility. Scott had to learn how to anchor himself -- which he did! He had to make sure he put what was truly important ahead of his relationship with Allison -- which he did!

I have always maintained that Teen Wolf is a bildungsroman, which is a story about children becoming adults. Throughout the series, Scott's growth is primary; he evolves from an asthmatic loser who feels like he sits on the sidelines of life into a True Alpha werewolf leading a war against those who would murder supernatural creatures out of self-interest. But he's not the only one to grow. Allison had her own story; Lydia had her own story; Derek had his own story (one of the best redemption arcs ever); and Stiles had his version of that story!

The problem is that there are a lot of people who didn't watch Teen Wolf as a story, but rather as raw material. They swooped in and picked up the parts that they wanted, like vultures devouring a carcass. They wanted Stiles and <insert white male love interest here> to be the focus of the show, as they were the focus of their interests, but they could do without the part where Stiles struggles to grow up. In response, they selected only the parts that fit their agenda. Thus, Scott becomes dull, obsessive, stupid, with a foolish no-kill rule, and an unearned hostility toward the Hale Family whom he shamelessly usurps, even though none of that description is remotely true. On the other hand, Stiles becomes the should-be valedictorian of his class, a master archmage, and a ruthless anti-hero ready to kill anyone to protect which ever white male character he loves this week, even though none of that description is remotely true.

Fandom, in the name of their own enjoyment, has boiled their understanding of the story down to "I don't like Scott" and "Stiles is not evil!" Nuanced takes like "Stiles had the courage to cross boundaries to protect others but that tendency also led him into some problematic actions" and "Scott didn't start out a heroic protagonist; he only embraced the mantle when he realized that the threats he had to face didn't care that he and his friends were teenagers." become difficult for them to understand and unpleasant for them to process, because they only really want Power Fantasy Stiles and Bad Friend Scott. Those bits and pieces fit into the pre-existing tropes that bring them pleasure. It's the limitations that frustrate them, not Teen Wolf's.

[transjlawrence]

Season 6, episode 5 thoughts

“I’m not that easy to track.” If Tory were to actually call the cops right now, there is no way he would be able to get away fast enough for the cops to not find him

I want to write full analyses about the way Kreese views life is war and the way that affects the way he talks and the way he teaches

AISHA MENTION!!

Wayne Gretzky quote?

I’m glad that Tory mentions the way probation genuinely affects the decision for her to get into college and for Robby to get into college and how they have to seek out other avenues. Like mentioning the very real world consequences is important to me

”We are on the same page.” *points to his back* “Miyagi-Do, remember?” And yet he’s wearing his black headband and Daniel is wearing his hachimaki from the ‘84 All-Valley. Fascinating and subtle differences

I don’t know what they’re watching but one day I hope they watch Shootfighter and pretend that’s not Billy Zabka on screen the whole time

Oh heartbreaking and also more visceral acting from Peyton List.

It is interesting to me how Robby seems to have a happy, nice demeanor and seems to really be trying to do better but it’s like he’s also never allowed to be angry again. He can’t be anything but content.

Oh Tory :(( I hope she has someone she can tell and that the other characters aren’t like, “What’s wrong with you??” Bc it’s like genuinely my least favorite thing that happens in shows when a character is grieving. Or I hope she isn’t told she’s grieving incorrectly either

”And what are you fighting for?” “Closure. Tory beat me last time but it was tainted.” I like the way that Sam’s character has matured too and how it shows.

HELP?? HE STOOD UP AND THEN TRIED TO GET LOUIE IN ON THIS? YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE A CAR SALESMAN JOHNNY

Oh, they are letting Robby be angry. I am so happy about that. Also they are so Cain and Abel coded. Second to that, why is he training in Converse? I wear them to work. They are the worst shoes.

Oh little Tory 🥺 and showing us real moments with her mom

THEYRE PARTNER-ING!!! THEYRE ACTING LIKE PARTNERS!!

Oh is this a mirror of the All-Valley. This is exactly what happened in the first karate kid movie

I need the crane kick to be used actually. I hope it is

Some part of me wants to know what the behind-the-scenes choreography for this fight looked like. Like ever since my friend showed me a stage combat video, I’ve been really curious about other stage combat stuff

Oh Robby won. You know this will cause beef between them.

This too is a reflection of the first Karate Kid tournament. The extra kick going back to that extra push that Johnny did to Daniel

Oh, the miscommunication and the yelling from Tory. Oh and her talking about Kreese’s words. Oh Tory

”She was working through it!” And who understands better than Johnny? Also the acting from Zabka goddamn

Why are you talking about Miyagi like that. I don’t like this whole tarnish Miyagi thing (mostly bc it keeps in line w Daniel’s idolization instead of treating Miyagi like his character was human)

WHY ARE THEY DIVORCING??? WHY DO THEY KEEP DIVORCING?? HES ON THE VERGE OF TEARS

Oh them both putting it on their kids. Oh.

Also Hawk in the tournament with Demetri. Oh.

Also I am worried for Tory. The way they just kind of let her leave and instead decided to fight about it instead of going after Tory or making sure she was okay was kind of crazy

Oh Kreese again. AND TORY. The music goddamn

[melishade]

In the Peaceful Timeline, I can't help but think about how Optimus killed the crap out of those Eldians that tried to wage another war. Because it's bad enough that they hurt people from the village he lives near, and as angry as he was, he still wouldn't go on a killing spree until given a reason.

I theorize that after dragging that one Eldian to their hideout, he tries to talk them out of their plans. From peace talk to negotiation to warnings to full blown threatens, Optimus would try to use his words first.

But the Eldians are being stubborn, so it's time to kick it up a notch. He might have to start torturing some of them to get the message through that their actions have consequences. He'd make sure of it. Or maybe reveal that, yup, he's the metal being that ended the Eldian reign in the first place. Whatcha gonna do bout it? Fuck around and find out!

There's no way having an angry metal giant looming over you won't make you second guess your life choices. But someone, maybe more than one person, did fuck around. And I bet it had to do with Ymir. Maybe they said something about hunting her down or killing her for the betrayal or using her for their plans, but Optimus snaps and just steps on them or something.

Either way, it wouldn't be easy to make Optimus break his vow. At least, that's my theory on how it happened.

Previous Episode of the Peaceful Timeline

No...No for Optimus in this situation, mercy was out the window.

TW Rape. TW Discussion of Rape. TW Death. TW Violence. Like this is pretty fucking heavy. You are more than welcome to avoid this one.

For those who might have just stumbled upon this post and need a little bit of context, this is the Peaceful Timeline where Optimus gets dropped off during Ymir's time instead of the main AOT timeline. Two years after Maria is born, remnants of the Eldian Empire are trying to rebuild their might, they attack the village that Optimus, Ymir, and Megatron are residing nearby (they live up in the mountains) and Optimus absolutely loses his shit. For more context: Here it is

Now Optimus in the Peaceful Timeline, is not the pristine, regal, picture perfect being we see him as majority of the time. He's a mix of Orion Pax and Feral Orion at this point, with maybe a hint of Prime for social interaction sake with the village. He doesn't know why Primus sent him to this world, but he knows that his duty is to Ymir, this girl with immeasurable power. And he has grown to love and care for her as if she was his own.

And he had sacrificed so much for her to make sure that she's alright and happy. He's had to figure out what foods were safe for her to eat. He had to protect her while they were sleeping in caves. He had to find a place for her to call home after he found out that she was pregnant. He had to care for a human for seven months before Megatron even showed up. And even when Megatron did show up, it was tense because of history.

And Optimus is the one that had to undo her conditioning. He has to tell her that she's not a slave. That he wasn't going to hurt her. That he was going to protect her. It took a while for Ymir to even look him in the eye when they first started living together. He had to show her what real love and compassion looked like. Not what the King did.

And what the King did...oh god that was already a tough conversation in it of itself. When Optimus learned that Ymir was raped by the King and was told that it was some form of reward, it infuriated him. But Ymir needed someone to turn to and rely on. So he had to shove down his feelings. Six months into her pregnancy, Ymir has to bring up the King because she still believes that he loved her. He was the one who accepted her. Who gave her a new name.

Now Optimus and Ymir don't fight very often, but when they do, it's a major blow-up. Optimus explains to her that what the King did was not love. It was cruelty. It was hate. He never loved her at all. He burned her home to the ground. He took her tongue. He tried to kill her! And only saw value in her when she got power! He only saw her as property! Ymir is continuing to deny it. It's not true. It's not true! He welcomed her when no one else did! When everyone else looked at her in fear for this demon inside of her, he didn't! If he didn't love her, then everything she did, everything that she was told, would've been a lie! That she was never loved at all! And that all that existed in this world was cruelty. And Optimus asks her the important, damning question in all of this:

"Did you want to interface with him?" Optimus demanded.

Ymir froze at that question, her hand clutching the notebook, crinkling the pages in her hand.

"Ymir, did you want to have sex with him?" Optimus clarified.

Ymir felt her hands and lips tremble. She...she was told it was a reward. She was told it was for all of her hard work. But...she was so afraid, and she knew that if she talked back she'd be severely punished. She knew. She's been beaten, and whipped, and lost her eye. She had seen other slave women like her get violated by other men and punished for denying them that pleasure. She remembered how terrified she was when she was taken to that bed!

Optimus saw tears streaming down Ymir's face as she held the notebook tighter. "You did not. You did not want to be with him. You did not want to interface with him. But he did not give you a choice in that matter. You could not even voice your concerns to him, and even if you were able to he would have said no because he only saw you as property. If he loved you, he would have cared about your well-being and choice on the matter. But he did not. He never did. Ymir..."

Optimus hated what was about to come out of his mouth next, but it needed to be said. "He raped you. And he...never loved you at all."

Ymir knew, deep down, that this was the truth, but it didn't hurt any less. Because if he didn't love her, then it just confirmed her greatest fear: that she was never loved at all. That she was nothing. And that everything she did...was for nothing. She killed, maimed, destroyed for nothing, and all she can do is scream in despair. She really was a monster.

And Ymir shuts down for a few weeks and is just in a state of depression. She's eating the bare minimum and refusing to communicate with Optimus. She just...wants to disappear. Even so, Optimus doesn't leave her side unless he has to. He feels horrible for that conversation, but he knew that it was a necessity. Ymir finally asks Optimus why he's choosing to stay. She's a monster. A demon. A pathetic and worthless girl who was only seen for her power. She killed people who were slaves like her. She killed innocent people. Why would he remain by her side? And Optimus tells her that he's supposed to be dead. His body was supposed to be destroyed and his soul was supposed to be reborn. But he was sent here by a higher power. He was sent here to meet her, and to free her from her pain and suffering, because at the end of the day, she was a victim of war, suffering, and violence. And she was never granted the proper safety and love that she deserved.

Optimus placed a hand on her cheek. "You did not deserve any of what you've gone through. And I am still here by your side because I heard your soul cry out to me, and I wanted nothing more than to save you. I love you as if you were my own child, and no matter how many years have passed or lifetimes I lead, I will always protect you. I am glad that a higher power brought me to you. I will always love you, and I will protect you in both life and death. You have my word."

And his words reignite her will to live, because there was someone in this world who loved her as she was, and someone in this world who needed her just to exist. That was it. She hugs him close, tears in her eyes, and she speak to him.

"Thank...you...Optimus,"

And Optimus starts to cry, because it's the first time she's actually spoken his name.

So fast forward when Maria is two and the village is attacked. Optimus is the one disarming while Megatron is the one killing. Optimus wants to show mercy, but Megatron wasn't leaving room for argument at the moment. Megatron had the last soldier, and Optimus was almost ready to tell Megatron to spare him, but he opened his mouth:

"Killing me will do nothing," the soldier spit out, "Our spirit remains strong, and the Eldian Empire will rise again!"

Optimus heard nothing but ringing in his audio receptor. He felt his spark race; he felt his anger rise. His energon was boiling. He remembered Ymir's conditioning and what he had to undo. Her fear. Her despair. That conversation! Her tears! Her depression! A kind-hearted girl's suffering was caused was because of them!

And he just snapped.

Megatron tilted his head in confusion. Eldian Empire? He heard that name before. Where did he hear it? And before he could react, he heard Optimus scream in fury before tackling the soldier to the ground. The Prime pinned him by the neck and began choking him out. Megatron watched in shock at the sight of the rage in Optimus' eyes as he grit his teeth. He could've sworn he heard Optimus growling as the soldier struggled to breathe.

"What are you talking about?! What Eldian Empire?!" Optimus screamed at him.

The villagers watched as the soldier tried to pry Optimus' off of him, but it was no use. His grip was stone. Tears came out of the soldier's eyes and they looked ready to bulge out of his head.

"What are you doing?! Stop him!" the herbalist yelled at Megatron. She paused; however, when Megatron merely spared a glance at her, and the old woman could see the fear and warning in his eyes.

"Answer me or I will snap your neck right now!" Optimus roared.

"E-east!" the soldier forced out. "East! M-mercy!"

Optimus slammed him into the ground before grabbing him by his fur coat. "You will take me to the rest of them, and maybe I will let you live. If you do not, I will do unspeakable things to you that you will pray to whatever god you worship that I had just killed you sooner."

"O-okay," the soldier stuttered as he trembled. Optimus then dragged him by his coat along the ground, grabbing a sword in the process and dragging him out of the village. Megatron snapped out of his shock and followed the Prime.

"Prime-!"

"Do not follow me," Optimus warned ominously.

Megatron recognized that look and immediately backed away as Optimus dragged his hostage along the ground. The soldier tried to beg Megatron for his life, but Optimus quickly glared at him, and that quickly got him to shut up. Some of the villagers even tried to go after Optimus, but Megatron quickly blocked the path.

"But-!"

"No," Megatron warned, and they could all see the terror in Megatron's eyes as Optimus walked into the forest, his alt mode sneaking around the village.

And Optimus walks for miles, demanding the soldier to provide guidance whenever he can. He force feeds him the bare minimum and knocks him out cold whenever he needs to deactivate the holoform. In the back of his mind, he's still holding on to the morality of not killing any humans. He gets to the Eldian campsite about for days later in the night time. He demands his hostage to tell them if this is all that remains, and the hostage tearfully relents. He just wants his suffering to be over.

Optimus hides in the shadows and listens in to what they were saying, talking about recapturing the glory days of the Eldian Empire, how King Fritz was a great leader. And Optimus just wanted to scream his head off. And then...they start talking about Ymir. They called her a slave, a monster, a demon, a whore. They started talking about ways to control if they were going to find her. They started talking about how they were going to defile her.

(And you know that scene in Logan where X-23 comes out of the abandoned building Charles and Logan have been hiding in before throwing the head of the fucker that tried to cuff her to the enemy? Well that's exactly what happened here.)

The Eldian Empire hears the hostage scream and Optimus appears and throw the head, causing everyone to immediately grab their weapons. They see how furious Optimus looks and don't know what to say. Optimus gives them one chance: end this farce. Stop this attempt at making the Eldian Empire rise again. And the soldiers...starting laughing. They think it's a joke. One approaches to just kill him, but Optimus breaks his vow. He snaps his neck in an instant before the rest can process what the hell happened. Once they realize what did happen, Optimus chucked the sword and it stabbed another one in the chest. They charge at him and Optimus starts to kill them in a blind rage. However, due to the 100 to 1 ratio, Optimus does end up slipping up and gets stabbed in the chest with a sword. The Eldians think they've won, but they grow terrified as Optimus' holoform begins to glitch out. And Optimus speaks in a distorted voice.

"Those who are willing to take away the freedom of others, should be prepared to lose theirs."

Optimus deactivates the holoform, shows them all his bipedal mode, and some of them recognize him as the titan who destroyed the Eldian Empire, and they are all screaming in terror as Optimus pulls out his blaster and fires. When Optimus snaps out of his rage, he's sees the burning cinder of what remained of the Eldian Empire that tried to grow again. And he feels nothing but shame.

Optimus ends up trudging back to the mountains in bipedal mode, trapped in his own thoughts and letting instincts guide him. And when he gets back, and feels Megatron place a servo on his shoulder, and sees his face full of concern...By the Allspark he was actually happy to see him. And he just collapses in his arms.

"I broke my vow." Optimus clung to his former foe, "I broke my vow. I didn't mean to. But I killed them all. I was so angry. What did I do?"

Megatron grabbed Optimus' face with his claws and forced him to look him in the optic. "You did what you had to do."

"I killed humans. I made a vow to protect them and I-!"

"Those humans tried to kill and capture everyone in that village," Megatron cut him off, "They had already taken the lives of so many people already. You did what you had to do to protect them. To protect Ymir. If you didn't, they would've burned that village to the ground, and Ymir would have been taken away from you again. She would have been a slave again. You kept her freedom intact. You kept your promise to her."

Optimus looked away in uncertainty. He...he still...Optimus heard the door open, and saw Ymir running out the house, looking both relieved and worried. Tears formed in her eyes as she ran up to him, and all of Optimus' worries faded away in that moment. He offered his servo to her and picked her up. He cradled her close to his face, and Ymir did her best to give him a hug with his battle mask on.

"You're alright," Optimus swore to her, "You are safe. Like I promised you."

It still bothers Optimus greatly that he went to such a dark place to protect Ymir and the village. And he's refused to talk about what happened. Ymir doesn't know. The village doesn't know. Megatron has an idea, but he's afraid of where that imagination is taking him. Whenever Optimus is sad, Ymir takes the time to comfort him. She'll hug him or wrap a blanket around him, or just enjoy his quiet company. She hopes that it's enough, and it is. At one point through all of this, Optimus is resting the holoform head in her lap while Megatron is keeping Maria occupied. She sees a peaceful expression on his face, and he whispers a quiet thank you to her.

And it makes Ymir happy that she was able to do something for her protector. She was able to provide something so simple for someone she loved, and for someone who loved her in return.

(I will never, ever, shut up about the Peaceful Timeline. I love writing so much about it. BTW AOP Chapter will drop on July 1st before I fly out to Texas.)

[elains]

Can you talk more about tharions wife and what he did in hofas?

Yeah sure

TL;DR of Tharion in HOFAS: mistakes were made.

Tharion opens the book as a fighter for the Viper Queen, one of her best ones along with Ariadne. She feeds him her poison, which is some marvelous drug and a very good high. The Frat Boys + Fendyr Heir & The Sprites come to try and take him out and it ends up in Ithan fighting and killing the Fendyr Heir to win their (his) freedom.

And when they leave, the 3 Sprites torch the place. The Viper Queen blames Tharion and places a bounty in his head. Then they go break Ruhn, Baxian and Ruhn out of prison and Tharion saves Lidia's life when she falls off a cliff.

The Ocean Queen comes to visit underground. She wants to know why there are two Queens mad a Tharion and threatening war. She bids him to stay goddamn aboard the ship. Alas, he disobeys and follows the Gang to Avallen. Three Queens angry now.

Some of the Valbaran Fae are fleeing there seeking shelter from the gathering storm, including the Lord Hawthorne aka Flynn's father, along with his wife and younger daughter, Sathia.

It's been a while since I read Ruhn's bonus PoV but she shows up there before here.

Anyway, Avallen is a patriarchal hellhole and Morven is demanding Sathia marry so she may stay, because women in Avallen are worth only the offspring they can bear. Positively charming place. She doesn't want to get married, especially because the two foremost suitors are the shadow twins, Ruhn's murderous cousins.

Tharion volunteers to marry her under the reasoning that had his sister been in the same position, he would have wanted someone to do this for her. Also what's one more whimsical decision anyway? It's not without consequence: divorce doesn't really exist for the Fae; Sathia would be persona non grata among them for doing so.

At one point the Asteri bomb Asphodel and Tharion goes back to Lunathion with Sathia to plead with the River Queen for her to shelter the humans. Sathia proves to be quite the talker here, he is spoiled, and fiery but has a sense of humor and is quite poised as Lady. I like how she handles herself and how she openly challenged Bryce when Bryce wanted all the fae to go choke. She has a backbone.

She has Earth magic! She can make plants grow!

Anyway, once they leave the Blue Court, they run into the Viper Queen and her two assassin-guards... and we get the reveal that one of them used to be Sathia's friend/bodyguard/sweetheart, Colin McCarthy. Her father said he got a new post but rather he just introduced him to the Viper Queen and now he only obeys her (that poison but way more late stage than Tharion's).

Sathia disappears, leaving a note saying thay she cannot leave Colin in the Viper Queen's hands and thanks him for all he did for her. It's time for the endgame so that'll be handles afterwards. Tharion gets the cure for the parasite dampening the Vanir's powers and goes to deliver some flasks to the Gang in the Eternal City wrecking shit up with the Asteri.

He helps them fight, gets shot, gets better with help of Ruhn's brand new healing power. He survives.

His last PoV in the book is he going back to the Meat Market to look for Sathia just to ensure she's okay and then follow their separate ways. It ends on a cliffhanger with him running into Ariadne.

[the-arson-author-gamer]

I saw your tags and I want to hear you talk about your blorbos! 😊👀

YES YES YES

I’ll start with a list of whom I consider to be my blorbos, then I’ll talk why I like them and maybe list a few headcanons for some I REALLY think about

(I find it funny that I have gotten extremely attached to characters that I haven’t even watched the shows for)

Saiki

I found him through looking up aroace compilations on youtube.

I’m not lying.

He showed up so much and I was intrigued so I click on a video and I’m instantly captivated by his personality and the entire comedy of the show.

I ended up figuring out the entire plot pretty quick by just watching some videos and Saiki became a fast favourite.

Naturally when I become interested in something, I read fanfic for it. Which leads me to my next blorbo

Bakugou

Like I’ve obviously heard of him and mha before so I had a rough idea of who he was and what he was like.

So I find some Saiki and mha crossover fic and the thing intrigued me and Bakugou was decently prominent.

I essentially liked is angry Pomeranian vibes.

He is very different from my normal blorbo types. Because of the anger and stuff but my goodness there are vibes.

There is also trauma but that’s a side dish to the blorbo.

I naturally, like every blorbo I headcanon him as aroace. Suffer horny Bakugou fans.

It’s kind of true but I kind of also headcanon him as a big nerd (I do have a type for blorbos they are nerds.)

The common headcanon about Bakugou needing to be constantly angry because of all the nitroglycerin is very neat and I love sciency headcanons so that’s inserted itself into my headspace as well.

Alright next blorbo. Also from mha!

Tokoyami

The bird guy? The emo bird guy?

Yes blorbo.

Literally just vibes. Funny little emo bird.

Aroace, definitely looks at dark academia posts, writes poetry and short horror stories.

(Tokoyami and Bakugou are aroace emo besties in this essay I will-)

If I were ever to write for mha. Something about the sports festival between these two.

Krel

I love him. My little nerd.

Also aroace and I enjoy the headcanon that Akaridions do not require any food or water, which really explains the weird stuff that Aja and Krel tried to eat when they first came to Earth.

I don’t know how common this is but the concept of the more often the Akaridions use their human forms the more human they become. Remember when Krel get the nose-bleed? Yeah I do.

Next blorbo!

Prince Lotor

First guy that would I end up considering as my first blorbo.

Ahhh March of 2021. What a fucking month. I watched like half an episode of season 3 waiting for the time to pass and saw Lotor and I went ‘you. Funky smart purple man.’

Voltron was the second anime adjacent/semi-animated-styled show I got into. After avatar of course.

Aroace. As I said it’s a common theme. And suffer as well horny Lotor fans.

Lotor just vibes with gender, he doesn’t mind what pronouns you use. Guess maybe agender or nonbianary. Demiboy? I’m not sure other than the fact that he is chill towards it and doesn’t mind he/him or other pronouns.

I adore the headcanon that he based his armour design off his cat.

And a few personal headcanons of mine are that he:

1. Is protective of kids because of his shitty childhood and knows of the consequences of war

2. Took in his generals when they are kids and kind of thinks of them as his younger siblings or kids.

A fic concept using those would be Lotor fighting the paladins manages to take off the helmet of one of them and went ‘oh shit you guys are kids’ gets all pissed and was like ‘how could the princess allow this’ joins them and realizes that Allura is also 19 and by extension of 10,000 year old Lotor logic he goes ‘aw shit you guys are all kids. Fine then I’m joining you’

And then they beat the shit out of Zarkon and everybody lives well no alternative colony blah blah blah.

Azula & Sokka

Would you be surprised that the first full episode of avatar that I watched was the beach episode?

Yeah. Not a good first impression but that episode managed to pique my interest and I finished season 3 and watched the whole thing.

At first Azula was like some odd side character to me. But by s2 ep1 she had caught me. I found her to be really cool!

Demi aro and ace. Lesbian.

Besties with Sokka.

Sokka. My boy. I was also very neutral with him at the beginning, but he grew on me pretty quick.

He’s like the only blorbo that I don’t headcanon as aro and/or ace. Bisexual and Demiboy with he/they pronouns.

I don’t have any big headcanons for them but they found their way into my heart either way.

I have a bunch of others but I am tired of typing, so I’ll just list them.

- Aizawa: MHA

- Tony Stark: MCU

- Steve Palchuk: TOA

- Kaidou: Disasterous Life Of Saiki K

[jmalegni]

Mobile Suit Gundam (Episodes 13, 20, 32)

Crap, I forgot to click post and it went to my drafts and I am now just realizing. Ignore this post, hopefully I may still get credit.

Looks like Amuro's family situation has pretty much been atomized at this point. His mother doesn't approve of him being a soldier and his father is now delusional to the point where he can't care for his son anymore. Sadly, both these circumstances are technically of Amuro's own doing. He was the reason is father got sucked out into space, causing brain damage due to being deprived of oxygen. And he showed his mother that he has no guilt/shame in openly killing other humans pretty much as soon as he saw her for the first time in years. His circumstances do provide him justification for acting so, but it still hurts him. I mean he doesn't even hug his mother goodbye as he suddenly leaves her alone again, potentially forever. He just salutes to her, which I find symbolic in it is Amuro's way of telling his mother that he is no longer her child, but a soldier who's only goal is to bring down the Zeons. This devastates his mother, who isn't necessarily angry at him, more just emotionally overwhelmed that this is who she raised. Reminds me of Shonen A killer's parents, they had no idea their boy was capable of killing others and not regretting it, just like Amuro's mother. I can't even begin to imagine how my mother would react if I pulled this kind of stunt with her. Disappear for years, show up unannounced, kill a couple bad guys, then leave while only giving her a salute. First, she would kill me before I could finish my salute, but secondly, and more impactfully, it would tear her apart. Seeing something that you have poured so much love and effort into, only for it to reject you is one of the worst things emotionally that can happen to a person.

His father has pretty much lost all sense of caring for his boy, a foil to the mother where he only cares about the war and the Gundam, never talks about or even to Amuro. This may be due t the brain damage, or could just be him finally embracing the not so great father he is. Most likely a combination of the two. We saw that his father was a lead engineer on the Gundam and seemingly spent a lot of time with it on side seven, most likely putting his son at lower priority than his work. Then as soon as he isn't mentally sufficient enough to work for the Federation anymore, they cast him aside to live in a junkyard at side six. This man dedicated his life to working for the Federation and creating new weapons of war, but the Federation doesn't care about the people behind the inventions, just like most major companies, they only care about extracting as much work from you as they are legally allowed to.

Ryu's sacrifice to save Amuro is very impactful to the entire crew. It is a turning point where everyone claims responsibility for his death as they were too "immature". It is a lesson that actions have consequences, and in war, those consequences are fatal.

[ciceroprofacto]

Baron von Steuben and the theme of Madness in SOA

I doubt anyone will ever ask about this, but I think it’s important to break down John’s conversation with Steuben at the end of 18 because it’s so important to the plot and I left things happening off-screen that I wanted to put in a couple ficlets, but at this rate probably never will, so-

 “When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies?  Perhaps to be too practical is madness.  To surrender dreams — this may be madness.  Too much sanity may be madness —  And maddest of all: to see life as it is, and not as it should be!”

Meta under the cut

Over the course of SOA, the label ‘Madness’ will get transposed over three concepts: love, war, and politics. Those concepts will be necessarily blended and layered over each other, and it’ll get more and more murky which concept the characters are referring to.

It first came up in regards to love circa chapter 12- 

“In war we fear what will happen when we meet the enemy- what he will do to us. In love, we fear ourselves and when we will part- what we will do to ourselves.” “You make it sound like madness...” There’s a taunting lilt in Hamilton’s voice that tells me he’s smiling while he says this, laughing, but I think if I looked, I’d see the veneer, how much truth he tries to tuck away in his tone. Lafayette laughs anyway, “Only if you try to avoid it.”

I bolded Lafayette’s dialogue because ‘we fear ourselves’ is what Madness has meant to John and Alex in regards to Love for the first 15 chapters of the story. They were full of their own inhibitions around the concept- around the moral connotation of physical intimacy or the personal commitment to vulnerability.  

Here’s a romance arc summary post for reference.

After John recognizes that he can’t choose to not pursue his feelings- that resisting is more destructive to him than any consequences that could come of them (including death), he starts referring to this view of Love as Madness in the past tense, and usually to accuse Alex of being fearful towards the concept.

So, Lafayette’s correction to Alex in chapter 12 defines what Madness in Love comes to mean in the story. 

Now- John made that development in himself by himself, but Steuben played a major role in giving him the space to do so.  Throughout their interactions, John’s been focused on ensuring that the Army can use Steuben’s military expertise to its greatest potential.  He’s duty-driven towards that goal, and Steuben respects it and has accepted the help in every way he could. 

But, at the same time- while John’s there advising and helping him, Steuben’s office has a very-specific environment that’s very different from working in Washington’s office. They spend just as much time talking about philosophy and poetry and gossip as they do on work. Caty comes over and distracts them whenever she can and Steuben encourages it. Their interests as people are valuable and aren’t immediately assessed as possible weapons for the cause. The underlying message is that their humanity is more important than their utility. 

And, while a major feature of John’s humanity is out on display during the Enslin trial, it’s not just a matter of the camp condemning sodomy, but it’s an indictment of the concept of men being physically-intimate with each other. To John- it’s an indictment of his heart- of who he’s capable of loving, and he’s angry and frustrated and ashamed- and ashamed of that shame. But, Steuben is there again and again to encourage him in the other direction. John doesn’t deserve the ways he condemns himself. This isn’t about him. How he feels isn’t this.

John’s grown so much during this arc and through this exposure to community that; when he approaches Alex at the end of 16 to properly confess that he doesn’t just want to be partners, he wants to be lovers, and Alex replies by confessing that he’s been manipulating his career throughout their relationship; John has the confidence in himself to recognize that Alex is using that fact to dodge vulnerability and basically come back and say “so what- you fell for me anyway.”

So what does this have to do with Madness?

The conversation between Steuben and John at the end of 18 defines Steuben’s philosophy of Madness and Sanity and recognizes the shift that’s taken place. Predictably- it’s a direct reference to the Don Quixote quote that kicked off the chapter and which Steuben’s referencing during their conversation.

“Perhaps to be too practical is madness. To surrender dreams — this may be madness. Too much sanity may be madness — And maddest of all: to see life as it is, and not as it should be!”

Steuben is familiar with both John and Alex’s backstories. It’s a fact that’s been an endless source of discomfort for John, recognizing that Steuben seems to know things about Alex’s thoughts and beliefs that he doesn’t, and unsure how much he knows about him at any given moment. This vibe comes from two off-screen conversations-

A conversation with Henry Laurens ~early February timeframe~ while staying with him in York on his way to meet Congress in which Henry expressed his concern for John after getting his response back, “You asked me, my Dear Father what bounds I have set to my desire of serving my Country in the Military Line. I answer glorious Death, or the Triumph of the Cause in which I am engaged.”

A conversation about personal ambition with Alex in which Steuben recognizes that he doesn’t seem happy with the way that Washington employs him- that he’s right to want to be recognized and properly-employed, not sent on impossible errands anytime Washington is afraid his reputation might suffer from failure.

From those conversations, Steuben knows them on a pretty deep level already. Alex wants power over his own life, and John wants to be the perfect citizen. Alex is motivated by a desire for self-sufficiency, and that’s filtered through his investment in the war and his keen awareness of the social structure of the society he lives in. John is motivated by his intrinsic need to be Good filtered through his investment in the war and his lifelong embroilment in public duties as colonial aristocracy. 

So, breaking down the conversation, it plays out like this:

Steuben posits that, despite the fact that we all play parts in our day to day lives, we should be genuine to ourselves because we can’t keep up an act all the time, and sometimes we promise more than we can give.

Then, he recognizes John’s role as the bayard as an act. He admits that it’s an important role for the times they’re in and he says that John is the ideal person to fill that role. He steps closer to him and starts undoing his cravat where John has hidden hickeys from his night with Alex, revealing the truth of John’s sexuality in this safe place, while recognizing him as the ideal role model for American valor.

And then he drops this whopper that has John understandably confused and in tears:

“I believe you are lucky. Your vision of the world as it should be is as close to madness as any man should ever come, and you have found a friend who is so wretchedly sane he might save you. I believe, if your vision can be saved, you boys might just make that beautiful madness a reality. And that thought is exciting.”

And he’s saying a lot here. 

Remember his definition of Madness:

“Perhaps to be too practical is madness. To surrender dreams — this may be madness. Too much sanity may be madness — And maddest of all: to see life as it is, and not as it should be!”

So, It’s really counterintuitive, but what Steuben’s calling ‘close to madness’, is John’s extreme sense of public duty. His sense of his place in the world and how he can serve it best.

In love- that’s being a faithful husband.

In war- that’s being an obedient and useful aide to Washington

In politics- that’s supporting his father and keeping him informed about the military’s needs.

He’s saying that John is too good at being dutiful- he’s nearly giving up on his own dreams and desires for himself.

But! He’s been lucky- he has a friend who’s secretly very selfish in that respect.

On the subject of Love, Steuben knows that John is the more-repressed of the two, and he knows that Alex has encouraged him to pursue intimacy. Which John needs to reach self-actualization.

On the subject of War, Steuben doesn’t know about it yet, but he’s right on this too- John’s plan for arming slaves and adding them to their numbers would be an effective tool in furthering the ideal of Liberty they’re rallying people around, but he’s held back by his duty as a son not to mangle his father’s standing. Meanwhile, Alex sees the idealistic vision that John has, he sees the reservations that John has, and he suggested bolder methods that wouldn’t require John’s father’s support.

On the subject of Politics,  Steuben knows that Alex hides his ambitions because they’d be hindrances to his autonomy on Washington’s staff, but now- with John’s social standing and support, and Alex’s ambition and John’s idealism make a heady mix.

And then, Steuben asserts that- if John can manage to serve his public duties like he’s aiming for now without destroying himself or deadening himself, he’ll be the perfect citizen he’s hoping to be.

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (December 6/2020) - End of Week

What started as a sad but calm day ended with a revolution where morality was questioned and blood was shed. The server’s first canon death since the three lives rule was implemented occurred, and all hell broke loose.

Dream’s motivations have started to be laid bare, but whether or not he’s in the wrong or right remains foggy as ever in a world where everyone’s morals are gray.

Also, the prison’s construction continues and some strange red corruptions called “Blood Vines” have sprouted up on the server.

A short summary of the week’s total events is at the end of the post.

---

- HBomb hosts Niki and Wilbur’s L’Cast

- Fundy continues work on the chess board

- Ranboo is leaving a book with messages to communicate with Tommy

- Fundy and Ranboo visit Tommy and help him through the Nether to find blaze rods. It’s a very...interesting...time... Fundy fills Tommy in on the fact that Dream is officially recognizing L’manburg as a country.

- Tommy falls in lava and loses all his stuff

- Then he burns to death

- Then he falls in lava and loses all his stuff again

- He FINALLY gets an ender chest

- Lazar asks him for help since he’d fallen in lava and needed help getting out. As Tommy does so, Lazar questions why Tommy hasn’t turned against L’manburg. Tommy says it’s because Tubbo is there, but Lazar points out that Tubbo was the one who exiled him.

- Ghostbur comes on and says he has a gift.

- Tommy attempts to rescue Lazar from the depths of the lava pit. Techno starts arguing with him.

- Tommy falls in lava and loses all his stuff again. He gives up on helping Lazar, who is understandably annoyed at him.

- Philza joins the call wondering wtf is happening and why Tommy keeps dying, but Tommy just ends stream

- Psyche! After credits scene. Ghostbur asks Tommy to return to Logstedshire so he dies in lava to fast-travel back. Ghostbur gives Tommy a lodestone compass named “Your Tubbo” that points back to L’manburg at all times. Tommy puts the compass in his ender chest right next to the discs, saying he’ll keep it close to his heart.

- Thunder’s frustrated that Tommy got exiled exiled because the Prank War he was setting up between Dream and Tommy can no longer happen and Thunder’s great villain arc has been cancelled - he is no longer a villain now.

- Now, he wants to do the clay prank to George instead to try and get Dream and George to turn on each other as revenge for Dream burning his house.

- Puffy builds Tommy a second Christmas Tree.

--- Note: From this point on I tried to include more specific details than normal since it’s an important and confusing event ---

- Quackity declares war on the Dream SMP from Mexican L’manburg. He gets George, Sapnap and Karl on to help. He’s rigged TNT under Eret’s castle bridge and wants to invoke the same ideas as the Mexican Revolution. He wants to put M.L. on the map by staging an assassination and using George’s dethronement as an excuse to start a political movement.

- Sapnap wants to take on Technoblade but Quackity tells him that they have to take things step by step and that it’s an extremely bad idea to do it now.

- Eret asks Hbomb to be one of his knights. HBomb agrees.

- George wants his kingship back 

The explosion goes to plan with H and Puffy as witnesses.

--- ---

CANON DEATH: KARL 

Cause: Death by explosion and falling

--- ---

- George distracts Eret while Quackity, Sapnap and Karl steal his throne. Punz joins Eret’s side as one of his other knights.

 - The M.L. side reconvenes in L’manburg and drink invisibility potions. Dream is in Mexican L’manburg. He is tearing the dirt to shreds. Meanwhile, Eret gives a speech to his Knights as they head to Party Island. Dream, alone, is invisible in Boomerville.

- Sapnap gets Dream to log (he says it’s lag). The Dream SMP faction blows up M.L. with TNT. The Mexican L’manburgians kill Puffy. 

- They want to head to the Holy Land. Dream says he wants to talk. They collect at the Church.

- They argue. Dream threatens to kill Quackity permanently and make sure Mexican L’manburg can never rise again. (Also Karl’s acting is genuinely good holy shit)

- Sapnap tells George that he thinks Dream has completely turned against them, and that they’re better off disowning him.

---

Dream: “You’re painting me as this tyrant when I’m just trying to maintain peace.”

He refers to it as his castle, his throne. He calls the people of M.L. “terrorists.”

---

He says that in his eyes, Mexican L’manburg does not even exist, and that he’ll speak to Tubbo about making sure he sees that it doesn’t exist as well.

M.L. argues that putting a human life above a few blocks of gold is more important.

Dream refers to himself as the “ruler” of the Dream SMP, the “leader,” letting it slip that “king” is a meaningless title.

He says that Quackity is causing the most problems, the number one “enemy” of the SMP right now. Similar to how he referred to Tommy defying him.

He says that Quackity is not like Tubbo, who is a “fair, just ruler” and that is why New L’manburg is recognized and Mexican L’manburg is not. Tubbo would never do what Quackity did. Wilbur and Jschlatt and Tommy would. He says that he waited until New L’manburg had a reasonable leader to recognize it.

- “Un-killing” is implied to be a thing, where the person who gave you your canon death can take it back. 

---

 Dream: “The king is a figurehead and he knows that!”

Eret: “I do.”

Quackity: “So that’s what you are Eret -- a puppet--”

Dream: “Yes! -- no he’s not a puppet-- h-he has no power and I have - and - it’s the same thing and--”

(Dream proceeds to deny Eret being a “puppet”)

---

- Quackity decides to dissolve Mexican L’manburg for a clean slate and call it something else. He wants the server to have a precedent of establishing new countries without having to go to Dream for recognition every time.

- Eret agrees to recognize Quackity’s new country if they apologize and return the throne.

--- ---

CANON UNDEATHING: KARL (?)*

* Dream says that the death is still canon later since plot was based around it. I don’t know what Karl considers his death count to be? 

--- ---

- Sapnap declares that he no longer wants to fight Techno but Dream instead. He says he wants to slay Dream in front of everyone.

- Overall, Dream and Eret declare it a “failed coup” and say that the destruction is just a consequence of “what happens when you don’t plan anything” but Quackity is satisfied that his new country has been “put on the map.” 

- Quackity declares the country to be named “El Rapids” in honor of Cedar Rapids.

- Punz no longer wants to be an official Knight.

- Quackity misses Ghostbur and wants to speak with him. He tells Ghostbur about the war. Ghostbur asks if it was a revolution - Quackity says yes! Ghostbur also informs Quackity that he burnt the sacred texts - How to Sex 2 - in lava.

- Karl streams with the intention of rebuilding and preparing for Pokimane’s visit

- Karl steals Eret’s Museum Llamas and gets caught in the act. Fortunately this doesn’t spark up the war again. They take a llama to Party Island.

- They get into trouble at Boomerville and Lazar joins.

- Dream comes online and asks Sam about the prison’s progress. Bad gets annoyed at Sam for destroying the beachfront property value, and he didn’t authorize the seizure of the land. Dream is there helping to shovel but Bad wants him to stop. Bad is angry about the prison being built and starts shouting at Sam.

- Bad tries to negotiate with Dream. Dream refers to the prison as containing a “prisoner.” Singular. And that the prisoner would have nothing, and Bad would be in charge of helping to guard it. There are going to be multiple “layers.”

- The prison will be in the middle of the ocean bit, and Bad would have a terraformed beachfront property. All of the land would be considered property of the Badlands - including the prison.

- People are going to have to go through PORTALS to escape the prison.

- Bad starts to come around to the prison idea. Dream tells Sam he thinks they need more hands to help, potentially Ant and Eret.

- A strange, giant red “egg” has appeared in the corner of Bad’s statue room. He feels a strange aura coming from it, and he’s unable to bring himself to break it.

- Dream says Eret can’t help with the prison but he can help make the beach nicer. Bad says he might want to put Tommy in the prison but Dream says no, Tommy’s already exiled. So the prison isn’t for Tommy.

- Once the prisoner is in there, Dream says they would only be able to be let out “by the server.” It’s got certain secrets that only Dream and Sam know about. Sam says that he could potentially escape from it, but it will be so impenetrable that even if you know the secrets it would still be difficult to escape from.

- Bad shows Dream the Egg. Dream gets creeped out by it.

- Another Red Corruption has appeared near Hutt’s Pizza, and another at the Mansion. Everyone swears that it wasn’t there before, and there wasn’t enough time for someone to place all of it manually in the time that they were down there.

- Bad stabs Dream for trying to “hurt it.” He likes it for some reason.

- Bad asks Dream about who the prison’s for. Dream says “if you can’t kill somebody, you need to lock them up.” He mentions that it’s one of the more powerful people on the server, someone who either provides a threat now or in the future. He has someone in mind.

--- ---

Dream explains to Bad and Sam that the reason he switched sides in the Manberg-Pogtopia War was because Schlatt gave him something.

And that thing is “a card up his sleeve” until he needs it.

A book of great value.

It puts Dream in danger if people know of it, but also gives Dream power.

The “most valuable thing on the server.”

Something pertaining to the prison.

Something where they wouldn’t believe Dream if he told them what he was given.

--- ---

- The corruption grows AGAIN despite Dream, Sam and Bad all being in the middle of the ocean

- Another corruption appears on Tommy’s Power Tower

- The water level in New L’manburg has risen again, covering George and Quackity’s mushroom house

- The prison is going to be as tall as a MOUNTAIN

- Dream proposes the idea of Bad giving him the disc to piss off Tommy. Bad says that Skeppy has it so he’ll have to ask some other time. He might trade some information about Schlatt’s book in return for the disc.

- Bad says he likes the name a dono came up with for the corruption -- “Blood Vines”

- Dream and Sam removed the Blood Vines on the Mansion to Bad’s dismay. Sam burns the Vines and Bad goes on a murderous rampage against him.

- Technoblade got a “Bee our guest” achievement

- Dream burns down the Eiffel Tower again.

- The prison will be reinforced with 15 layers of obsidian, and the guards will have Ender Pearl Stasis Chambers that are alarm-activated.

- The Blood Vines have sprouted up from Schlatt’s Grave.

The prison’s unofficial name as of right now is “Pandora’s Vault,” but it is subject to change.

Upcoming events:

- Karl will be touring Pokimane around soon

Potentially Scrapped:

- Elytra Challenge

- Bad and Skeppy’s plan to burn the disc *

* Bad mentioned it on stream, but it’s unclear if it’ll still happen

END OF WEEK RECAP:

11/30: Fundy bonds with Wilbur, Cursed Lore Day

12/01: Creation of Mexican L’manburg, Girl Dream visits, Mexican Manhunt

Note: not sure what’s up with 12/02. Probably messed up the dates? Whoops.

12/03: Sleepy Bois Family splits in half, dethroning of George

12/04: Day of the Exile, Badlands start to divide

12/05: Tommy’s first full day in Logsted, Sean’s visit

12/06: The Mexican L’manburg Revolution, end of M.L., start of El Rapids

---

!!! SPOILERS AHEAD !!! 

- Wilbur had two special lodestone compasses in his inventory. He didn’t want HBomb to see, but H looked anyway.

[siswritesyanderes]

Ok but yandere carlise x reader x yandere esme

(Not as detailed as I’d hoped to make it, but I quickly realized that if I went into detail then this thing would become very long. Hopefully avoided making the characters too OOC. Let me know if you like it, and how I did!)

…

You first met Dr. Cullen when you spent the day volunteering at the local hospital for one of your college classes.

There was a whole group of students there to help out, and you honestly weren’t sure why he seemed to notice you in particular; it certainly wasn’t because you were doing such a great job. Your work speed, in restocking the closets, was roughly average, and you kept having to ask your fellow volunteers where things were supposed to go. Granted, you at least weren’t one of the students who was transparently doing the absolute bare minimum to get the credit, but you wouldn’t exactly consider yourself a shining star of competence either.

Still, Dr. Cullen approached you personally to say, “Thank you for your help. You’re really doing us a great service.”

He was a beautiful man, with warm eyes that seemed to be beholding the goodness in your soul, for how amiably they glimmered.

“I don’t know if I can take any credit,” you said, admittedly flustered by the attention. “It was our teacher’s idea.”

He smiled kindly. “Nevertheless, we’re glad to have you here.”

You smiled back. “Glad to be here.” Then you continued working.

When Carlisle walked away from you, he carefully kept the reluctance from showing in his expression. He sent Esme a quick text warning her that they might have another soulmate in town: a human. His initial thought was that this would be the end of it; so long as Esme avoided meeting you, she wouldn’t feel the awful desperation currently clawing its way up Carlisle’s throat, and so long as Esme wasn’t suffering, Carlisle was confident in his own ability to let you live your own life, just as he had done with Esme, at first…

But then, he knew how that had turned out for her: years of pain, mistreatment…The thought of anything of the sort befalling you…The world was so dangerous, between humans and vampires and other such things, and you, so small in comparison, so vulnerable…

Carlisle regained his composure (though, to the untrained eye, he hadn’t lost it in the first place). The world could be dangerous, yes, but his awareness of that fact was informed, in no small part, by the fact that he wanted justification for keeping you. And he couldn’t give himself such license; it wouldn’t be right.

He wouldn’t drag you away from your human life.

Perhaps he could keep watch over you, and do you small favors every now and then, but that was the most he could afford to indulge.

He heard your stomach growl from across the room; he detoured to a vending machine and bought you a light snack. (Perfectly timed, Alice texted him your preference. No doubt, she was scouring the future to see how you might fit into it; he would have to have a talk with her, to be sure she didn’t go overboard. And deciding to have a talk with Alice functioned in the same way having a talk with Alice did.)

Dr. Cullen handed you a snack from the vending machine, which puzzled you at first; it didn’t seem like the hospital was handing out food to anyone else, and even if they were, why would one of the doctors take the time for such a thing?

He answered your unspoken question with a polite smile and the words, “You were looking a bit faint; I thought you might need this.”

Had you been looking unwell? You didn’t think you felt that bad, but a doctor would recognize the signs if something was wrong, and you were pretty hungry. “Thanks,” you said, and he dipped his head in your direction. Then he and his kind smile departed.

That wasn’t the last time you met Dr. Cullen.

Your paths crossed in all sorts of places: in the grocery store, he tapped you on the shoulder once to ask if you’d dropped a hundred dollar bill, and he urged you to keep it even once you’d told him it wasn’t yours; you saw him in your school’s science building, one day (He was there to speak to one of the professors, and he asked you if you had drunk any water recently.); and you even ran into him at the library. All incidents spaced out over weeks; not close enough together to really be coincidences worth thinking about. You figured that you had probably crossed paths just as much before meeting him, but only noticed now because you knew who he was.

Anyway, the two of you remained acquaintances. He was a nice man.

When someone slammed into your car, a few months later, he was the doctor who cared for you.

“A hit and run?” he murmured, tutting in displeasure as he moved a light across your eyes. “People should be more considerate, and careful with other people’s lives. You could have been seriously hurt.”

“They probably just made a mistake and were scared of the consequences,” you offered, because the doctor genuinely seemed somewhat upset. You were trying to assume the best about the other driver, because the alternative was getting angry about something you couldn’t change. You had barely even seen the car that had hit you. You just knew that it was some shade of yellow, and apparently much stronger than yours. “I wish we’d gotten to trade insurance information or something, though; my car is apparently totaled.” Despite your best efforts, your voice wavered.

“Don’t you worry about that,” Dr. Cullen said, and you were probably delirious, but something about the decisive way he said it made it seem, to you, as if he himself planned on helping you get your car fixed. “Follow the light with your eyes.”

You did.

“Have you...” The doctor seemed to choose his words carefully. “Have you called anyone, to let them know what happened, and that you’re alright?”

“No, I guess I haven’t. The ambulance got there so fast, I guess I didn’t have time to think about it.” You weren’t terribly concerned, though; if your relatives hadn’t been made aware of the crash, then they didn’t know to be worried yet. No need to call them now.

Dr. Cullen stilled at your words, though; the light in his hands shone in the spot between your eyes and did not move. It was as if he was deep in thought. No, as if he were at war with himself.

“Dr. Cullen?” you prompted.

He quickly smiled, setting down the light. “I think you should call them. Now, if you can. I would...just feel better if someone knew where you are, and that you’re alive.”

You called them (as awkward as that felt with the doctor right there in the room, patiently waiting), and Dr. Cullen seemed to relax.

Once you were released from the hospital, you went back to only seeing him every once in a while, around town.

Your car was mended seemingly overnight, under mysterious circumstances, and a part of you jokingly wondered if Dr. Cullen was some sort of fairy godmother, or guardian angel.

Then, another month after your accident, a stranger approached you while you were walking back from your last class of the evening.

“Hi,” the stranger greeted you, somewhat apologetically. She was shorter than you, with a lovely face and spiky black hair and a spritely disposition. “I’m Alice. I’m so sorry to bother you, but could you help me carry something to my car? It’s getting late, and I really don’t want to be here after dark.”

“Oh, sure,” you answered, feeling so at ease that you forgot every warning that would normally flood to your mind about the danger of following a stranger to her car. So at ease that your mind somehow just failed to observe the taller guy standing right next to Alice, well in your field of vision. You saw him, but you didn’t really think much of him.

You followed Alice to a bright yellow Porsche, and the shade of yellow stirred something in your memory, but you couldn’t say what; you were too busy looking for what you were supposed to be helping her lift.

A lovely woman with a long blond ponytail leaned against the car trunk, staring at something that she was holding in her hand, and there was a figure sitting inside the car, too; you couldn’t see them through the tinted windows, but you saw enough to be confused as to why you had been called here to help when it seemed Alice had many potential helpers, here.

Your panic, as you began to realize the ruse, had only just begun to climb when the blond woman suddenly moved, swift as a bird, behind you, and there was a hand over your mouth and a feeling like a pinch in the side of your neck.

The thing she was holding. It was a syringe.

The tall guy (the one you hadn’t thought much of, at first) moved to open the nearest door of the Porsche; he moved the passenger seat forward, to access the back row of seats.

“Wait, stop,” you slurred against the hand (the stunningly cold hand) over your mouth, as the woman who had syringed you began to maneuver you into the Porsche with surprising strength. You were already losing control of your limbs.

“This is officially the worst thing I’ve ever done,” the woman griped as she slid you carefully inside, then climbed in behind you. You were sandwiched between her and the person you’d seen through the tinted windows: a sulking young man with bronze hair. Four strangers total, and you were in the back seat of their car.

“Thank you, Rosalie, for your help,” Alice said resolutely. “Will you drive, Jazz?”

The tall one nodded, climbing into the driver’s seat while Alice occupied the passenger side.

You struggled to find your voice, or your fists, through the haze of sedative.

“It’s okay,” said the sulking young man at your side, in a surprisingly gentle voice. “I’m able to hear you, even if you can’t speak. I can read minds.”

“The human is still awake?” Rosalie said.

“Not for much longer, but yes. You have time to apologize.”

“Sorry about all this,” Rosalie said, gently nudging your mouth closed (as it had fallen open). “Don’t be scared; we just…have to bring you to Carlisle and Esme. They’re pretty great people, and they’ll treat you really well. And these guys were going to do it anyway, so I had to come and make sure things went smoothly. Alice and Jasper can’t even administer a shot; they probably would have chloroformed you or something-”

“Wouldn’t’ve had to,” said the tall guy in the driver’s seat- Jasper, apparently. “Could’ve just lightly flicked the back of their head at the right angle. Provided Alice checked the future to make sure we did it right.”

“…and didn’t cause a concussion, or worse,” the bronze-haired one deadpanned.

There was a brief silence. You were sinking against the self-proclaimed mind reader, unable to support your own weight. You were about to sleep. You actually wanted to sleep.

“Don’t worry, Rose,” Jasper added. “I’ve made sure the human isn’t afraid.”

You supposed you weren’t. Why weren’t you?

You fell asleep before you could figure it out.

…

You awoke to the sound of agitated voices, outside the (closed) door of a bedroom that was not your own.

You were in a bed, and it was obscenely soft and pleasant, but it wasn’t yours, and you weren’t home.

Where am I?

You felt weak, and tired. Heavy, confused. But you had to stay awake, and regain your wits, because you had been taken somewhere, and you didn’t know where or why. There was a window across the room. It was nighttime outside the window. Maybe if you could make it over there, you could climb out and run for it, but you didn’t yet have the strength to even get the bedcovers off of you.

“Because it’s been awful to watch how badly it affects you to be away from your mate,” one of the voices outside the door was saying. “All five of us agreed, and we never agree on anything!”

“And it’s not like it wouldn’t have happened eventually,” another voice agreed. “Just like with Esme.”

“Exactly! You were only prolonging your own suffering, for no reason.”

There was a sigh, and a familiar voice said, “Are you all finished?” It was Dr. Cullen; that much you knew, even though you had never heard him sound so tired.

“We did it for you, because you deserve happiness.”

“And now that Esme has seen them, there is no way to undo it, is there?” Dr. Cullen asked rhetorically. “Edward, is the human awake?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll bring some food up, Carlisle,” an entirely new voice suggested. “The children have been…underhanded, today, but there’s no reason we shouldn’t make the best of it.”

“It was for the best.” (Your head was clear enough, now, that you recognized this unabashed voice as belonging to Alice.) “You’ll see.”

Footsteps approached the door, and shortly a woman entered the room. She was soft-looking, with caramel brown hair, and she held a dinner plate in her hands.

“Good evening,” she said, soberly. Sitting on the edge of your bed while you struggled to sit up. “I’m so sorry the kids did this; we didn’t ask them to, but they thought they were doing us a service. I’m Esme Cullen, Dr. Cullen’s wife. Here: eat something.”

You ate a forkful of pasta only because it was too close to your mouth to refuse. “Why ‘m I here?” you asked hoarsely. “Take me home.” Another forkful slid into your mouth.

“I’m very sorry,” Esme said. “I’m so, so sorry, but you see…the trouble is…” Her eyes scanned over you, and she smiled a seemingly involuntary smile and didn’t finish her sentence. As if looking at you was simply a much better use of her time.

“I want to go home,” you said.

Esme sighed, pressing her lips together contritely. “The trouble is, I can’t bear to relinquish someone who is so important to Carlisle, and Carlisle can’t bear to relinquish someone who is so important to me. I promise you, though, we will make it up to you.” She fed you more pasta.

It tasted delicious, but that did nothing to assuage your terror. “You don’t even know me. What do you mean, I’m important to you?”

Esme clicked her tongue softly and rhythmically against the roof of her mouth, as if to soothe. “Carlisle can explain that better than I. But rest assured, everything is going to be alright.”

Your skin crawled, at the dissonant cordiality. “Where is Dr. Cullen?”

You heard a flutter of what could have been footsteps, if people were capable of moving that fast. Then, the bedroom door opened again and Dr. Cullen entered.

“Hello again, dear heart,” he greeted you, and his demeanor was about the same as it was in public, or in the hospital. Respectful, polite. Maybe just a bit...off. Too much of something, maybe too polite and kind for the circumstances. “I’m terribly sorry about all of this.”

The apologies were making this worse. “You don’t have to be sorry,” you said. “Just please take me home.”

“I can’t do that, angel,” he sighed. He did appear sorry, but not as sorry as he should have. “But I can explain everything to you now.”

He sat down on the other side of the bed, opposite Esme, who was still feeding you. And he did explain everything, in such expansive detail that you fell back asleep before he even got to the part about mates.

…

“You can pretend with them, but not with me.” The voice was quiet, and not so much accusatory (despite the pointedness of his words) as reminding.

“I know that, son.” Dr. Cullen sounded positively serene.

“You knew how much time you were spending with Jasper, in your saddened state.”

“Yes.”

“You knew that we would do this.”

“I…suspected.”

“You meant for us to do this.”

“That’s enough, I think. Thank you.”

Silence fell.

You opened your eyes just a crack. The pillow beneath your face was awash with yellow light; the sun had risen, since last you’d fallen asleep. None of it had been a dream. You were still trapped in a house with these people who thought they were vampires. You closed your eyes again. The two voices had been speaking from the direction you were facing: Dr. Cullen at your level, perhaps in a chair at your bedside; and the other above, as if standing.

“One month,” the first voice suddenly added, and you weren’t sure what it was in reference to. It was as if an inaudible question was being answered.

“That’s her optimistic guess, or her pessimistic?” Dr. Cullen inquired.

“If all goes well, it will be one month. Poorly, and the longest she’s seen is three months.”

“Well, that is good to hear. I’ve waited much longer with hope for much less.”

“I know.”

You turned over, so that your back was to them, and began to open your eyes again, but then you heard Dr. Cullen rise from his seat, take up the chair, and move around the foot of the bed. You kept your eyes shut as he set his chair down on the new side and sat in it once more. He did all of this matter-of-factly, as if he’d changed sides every time you’d turned over during the night.

The thought of anyone wanting to see your face that badly made you shiver a bit.

“Awake?” Dr. Cullen inquired casually. You didn’t hear an answer, but the other man must have nodded, because Dr. Cullen continued, “Good. Esme will be done with breakfast soon. She’s so happy to be cooking again.”

“Jasper is in the kitchen with her,” the other said, as if that was a related statement somehow. “I’m going hunting. Good luck.”

You weren’t sure why, but you felt as if he was talking to you as much as Dr. Cullen.

[maulusque]

Clone genetic enhancement ideas

So the clones were genetically enhanced, but i don’t really see any writers (in fanfic or in published stuff) really exploring what that MEANS beyond “clone very stronk”. Here are some ideas that would actually make clones significantly different from just a regular-ass human in peak condition. 

-enhanced senses: eyesight, hearing, etc. I’m talking eyes like a HAWK

-better reflexes

-quicker information processing

-can hear sounds of higher and lower frequency than standard humans

-can see light of a broader spectrum than human standard

-learn quicker, retain information and skills better (potential problem: if you learn something the WRONG way, that way might stick really well)

-photographic memory (really useful for memorizing layouts and maps)

-immunity to various diseases

-can tolerate a wider range of temperatures and environments

-increased stamina and strength baseline. Clones can just run full-tilt for hours and hours and be like “ah a nice stroll”. Over long distances, they can out-pace jedi in the same way that humans can out-pace horses.

-higher tolerance of certain poisons/toxins (clones can straight-up drink ethanol, and get maybe a little tipsy)

-bodies respond quickly to physical stress, and slowly to the absence of it (basically, this means that physical conditioning results in stronger muscles and a stronger cardiovascular system really quickly, and it takes MUCH longer for a clone to lose strength and conditioning due to not exercising than standard humans. Think how much valuable training time is saved if they only have to go on a run like, once a month in order to stay in shape)

-increased ability to function through intense pain and acute injuries. Basically, semi-disabling the pain system so it’s less distracting. Probably not good for the survival of the individual in many situations, but an advantage on the battlefield. 

-heal faster and better, with fewer long-term complications. Clones can dislocate their shoulders and NOT have the joint be permanently fucked up, because the Kaminoans re-designed the whole damn thing to suck WAY less.

-actually, unique internal anatomy. There’s probably a lot about the human body besides the shoulder joint that is actually just really stupid, and something no intelligent designer would actually build. So the Kaminoans can fix a lot of that stuff. Better knees, maybe. Stronger ribs. Maybe Cody punches droids not just because he’s a mad bastard, but also because his metatarsals are literally as strong as steel. 

-Hearing loss/hearing damage? No problem, your ear can regrow those little hair-thingies that help you hear. 

-Of course, it takes energy to maintain muscle mass, which is why human bodies lose it if we’re not using it. Clones need significantly more calories than standard humans. However, their digestive systems are enhanced to extract calories and nutrients from food much more efficiently, so food goes much farther. Potential weird side effect: maybe clones only have to poop like, once a week?

-You could probably extend that into increased ability to tolerate long periods without food/on low rations, despite the increased need for calories. 

-wouldn’t it be NEAT if the kaminoans somehow designed self-repairing DNA. This would mean that others couldn’t take a DNA sample from a clone and modify it to create their own clones (basically, it protects their product. It’s like DRM for clones). This ALSO means that clones couldn’t get cancer, and that they’d be immune to radiation poisoning. So a clone could just walk up to a sphere of uranium at critical mass and pick it up. Maybe with oven mitts on if it’s hot. (this would also make it harder for a rapid-aging cure to be developed, but uhhhh fanfic writers find a way)

- “bred for obedience” I think most of this would have to be accomplished through tightly-controlled messaging and cultural norms as the clones grow up- basically, enshrining obedience as a desirable and almost sacred trait, to be prized higher than anything else, including the lives of your brothers. In the same way that we hear stories of people sacrificing their lives to protect their loved ones, the clones would grow up hearing stories of soldiers sacrificing their brothers’ lives to obey an order from a superior. 

-SOME of the “obedience” thing could be engineered, though. Humans are already super social, but it would probably make sense for the clones to have an even greater need for social bonds. This would make for greater teamwork and coordination, and better unit cohesion, since the clones would be more inclined to prioritize friendship/agreeing with someone over winning an argument. It would also make it so they’d bond with their natural-born generals more easily, so they would obey them not just because they’re supposed to, but because they’d be much quicker to see them as a friend, and someone who’s trust they want to earn, someone they want to incorporate into their group and make happy.

-consequently, clones who find themselves alone do NOT do well. Isolation has a much more profoundly negative impact on clones than on regular humans.

-Originally, clones designed to operate alone or in small teams would not have the social enhancement- ARC troopers, spec-ops teams, etc. There wouldn’t be much of a noticeable difference in everyday interactions, but they’d also be vaguely weirded out by what they interpret as aggressive friendliness from their brothers, and their brothers would think they’re a bit shy and standoffish. 

-actually this social modification would make it MUCH harder for clones to kill people. REGULAR HUMANS are already super bad at killing people- i remember reading this article about how as soon as soldiers have to point their weapons at actual people, their aim gets mysteriously much shittier. Even when compared to situations that are exactly the same, except they’re not shooting at other humans. So reconcile this how you will, idk.

-I imagine a lot of these enhancements would be accomplished not through DNA, but through microorganisms. Retroviruses could explain the DNA resistant to modification, and the increased healing speed, and possibly some disease resistance (do i know anything about retroviruses other than a vague concept of what they are? no i do not. will that stop me? also no.) Their metabolism can be partially explained through specially engineered gut microbes.

-not sure how they’d go about making clones “resistant to any stress”, because you can’t exactly turn off the trauma response in the brain without breaking a bunch of other things. They could probably do a bit of fiddling to make clones more resistant to chemical imbalances, and therefore more depression-resistant. I think most of the “stress-resistance” would have to come through training. Either they train the clones to basically suppress everything, which might work alright in the short term. OR they actually have systems in place that help prevent the development of things like PTSD and help treat trauma. Meaning the clones are literally trained in self-care, positive self-talk, talking about their pain with their brothers, and having community rituals around things like death and grief. I don’t think that’s super likely because one thing that’s integral to those concepts is the concept of “i am a person and i have worth, and if i feel angry about something bad happening, that is ok and valid” and considering that a whole lot of bad things happen to the clones all the time and their childhood is a whole boatload of bad all happening at once, i don’t think the kaminoans would want the clones realizing “hey wait a minute i’m a person and i don’t deserve to be treated this way and it’s ok for me to be mad at you”. 

- the clones were supposedly engineered to be “less aggressive” but i think there was literally nothing more to that than a cover story for the control chip. The clones wouldn’t be raised with a lot of the aggressive western concept of masculinity, where anger is the default reaction to like, everything, and your personal pride is extremely important and also fragile (no offense lmao). So you wouldn’t have clones posturing and getting angry over perceived slights and fighting each other all the time, like everyone in-universe apparently expects to be the case. Anyway, why would you want your soldiers to be less aggressive? they’re literally supposed to fight and kill the enemy. You want them fully capable of getting angry, anger is the human response to fear and danger that lets us DO something about it. 

-obviously the biggest component in how they behave would be how they are raised, but that’s an entirely different post

-Specializations! I imagine that initially, the Kaminoans had different clones with different traits engineered specifically to fill certain roles. However, as the war went on, they struggled to keep up with demand and had to start shoving clones into whatever roles were needed (hence Fives and Echo becoming ARCs, despite not being engineered as ARC troopers). 

-Command clones would have better abilities in the executive function parts of the brain that deal with extrapolation, planning ahead, spatial reasoning, etc. They’d also have increased visual pattern recognition (like a pigeon)

-search-and-rescue troops would also have the pigeon pattern recognition abilities. The coast guard literally strapped pigeons to helicopters who would tap a button when they saw orange in the water, because they were better at spotting it than humans. Pigeons can detect cancer in microscope images of cells, because they’re that good at pattern recognition

-Pilots would have hella reflexes, excellent spatial awareness and spatial reasoning skills, much greater ability to process visual information, stronger hearts and blood vessels (to resist greater Gs of force), and they’d also be much shorter, to better fit into a cockpit. Which reminds me of Axe, that poor bastard from Ahsoka’s squadron over Ryloth who was almost eight feet tall. rip poor Axe, how did you even become a pilot, you long bastard.

-medics who can smell certain diseases. If you want to get a little bit out there, make the medics able to purr so they can sooth stressed-out patients. 

-infantry would have even greater endurance than everyone else, as well as greater tolerance for, and ability to, remain constantly on alert.

-ability to fall asleep at will? that would be super dope.

-maybe more efficient sleep, so to an adult clone, 4 hours of sleep is genuinely sufficient.

-concept: clones can sort of turn down their bodily functions- slow their digestion, heart, lungs, the whole nine yards- to last longer in adverse conditions. Sort of a half-hibernation (or quarter hibernation- they’d still be able to talk and think, but they’d feel very lethargic). They wouldn’t be able to function very well, but it would be great for things like enduring intense cold, periods without food, low-oxygen environments, and it would be especially useful if you were wounded and waiting for help, since you could slow your circulation, meaning it would take you a lot longer to bleed out. This state could be triggered by a combination of physical actions such as sitting or lying still, breathing slowly and deeply, and focusing on slowing the heart down (humans can actually slow down their hearts consciously if you practice at it, this is basically that, but turned up to like 1100).

-one thing that never made sense to me was the whole “we’re running out of jango fett’s DNA, all the new clones won’t be as good, and we have to stop ventress from stealing the original DNA” because like, can’t they just, get the EXACT SAME DNA from the clones?? you know, the exact genetic copies? With all the enhancements already done? But now my idea is that the kaminoans have engineered the clones so their DNA straight up can’t be copied. The clone’s own body can obviously replicate it, but if you take a sample and try to extract the DNA, it just self-destructs or something. This is to protect their intellectual property, but also means that they literally have to use a couple of Jango Fett’s actual human cells for every single clone they make (and the fact that they then have to do all the above enhancements to every single embryo helps explain why there’s so many small mutations, such as hair color and height). So they kinda shot themselves in the foot with that one. 

-of course since things like ADHD and autism have a strong genetic component, the kaminoans could theoretically engineer those out of the clones, but actually FUCK THAT so for whatever reason, that’s just not something they are able to do, and neurodivergent clones are absolutely a thing

[jingyismom]

Thoughts on Lan Wangji’s uncomfortable position during Sunshot

Rated T, pre-relationship wangxian, cw for harrassment, suggestive language, no other warnings, canon compliant

~

During the Sunshot campaign, Lan Wangji only had the reputation of being peerless and pure before the fighting began. It is entirely possible that this, plus his position and appearance, could have resulted in jumped-up heirs from lesser sects thinking him easy prey.

He came into it late, too, after leading the Wei Wuxian-finding mission with the Jiangs.

Imagine this beautiful young cultivator in spotless white appearing in a city filled with men primed for war.

Worse, imagine the fragile state of Gusu Lan and their dependence on these alliances.

Lan Wangji is politically aware, even though he's not held to the same standard as his brother. And when these men loom out of dark corners spewing lewd remarks and making even lewder requests, he wants to kill them. If the situation were different, they would come away at least maimed.

But he cannot afford to be rash. Not when the Cloud Recesses is not yet rebuilt. And he is in no real danger - if one of them tried to touch him he would feel no qualms taking a hand in recompense. So he...lives with it. For months.

Lan Xichen has other, more important troubles on his mind, there is no need to make him aware. It is just men indulging their baser instincts. It is nothing.

Except. Over time. It begins to wear on him. Its true he's only the second master of Gusu Lan, an ornament, a bargaining chip. A thing. He begins to feel like a thing. And after weeks, then months, of bloody fighting and unceasing, unseemly comments on his body, his face, his mouth - he begins to feel like a dirty one.

One night, Wei Wuxian is walking between tents during the push for Nightless City. He hears gruff voices, liquor-proud, making obscene offers not far away. He tenses and strides over, resentment rising beneath his skin. How dare anybody in this army treat a fellow soldier this way?

He comes around a corner and freezes. Lan Wangji is there, practically glowing in the black of night. Is he already taking care of the problem?

The voices continue to jeer. Lan Wangji doesn't move.

Is he...with them? It can't be possible that Lan Wangji would...hang around...anyone like this.

Wei Wuxian peers closer at him, still hidden in shadow. His face looks. It looks...weird. Wei Wuxian still has trouble reading Lan Wangji, but he knows this is...not his normal face. It's tense. Like he's angry. That, he's seen before, maybe too often. But there is the slightest furrow to his brow.

Like he's torn. Or...helpless. Which is, well. It's ridiculous. Lan Wangji is incapable of helplessness.

Still, the strangeness of it kicks him into action. He comes out into the firelight ready for a fight.

And pauses once more.

There are four men Wei Wuxian doesn't recognize facing Lan Wangji.

Blocking his path. They're saying things...the things they are saying. Are. Are far worse than any of the hushed, private joking Wei Wuxian has been privy to among friends. The things they are saying are forceful. Joyfully violent.

And they're saying them to Lan Wangji.

Lan Wangji's eyes snap to him immediately and go wide, but Wei Wuxian doesn't see it. His vision is bleeding out to tones of red and gray, Chenqing clutched tight in one shaking hand. He points it at the men. They laugh. They don't yet know what he is, what he can do. He's happy to show them.

He raises his flute to his lips, only for a hand to catch his elbow, to drag it back. He shakes it off. He's going to rip these sorry excuses for men into small pieces, and then make their ghosts thank him for it. He's going to--

"Wei Ying."

He looks at Lan Wangji's face, right beside him now. It isn't stern, or reprimanding. It only looks tired.

He stops. Looks back at the men. 

"I was just speaking with Nie-zongzhu right over there," he lies, bringing up the only name he can think might strike fear into these animals. "Shall I go and get him, and let him hear what trash is fighting alongside him in his righteous war?"

The men scowl and leave. He turns to Lan Wangji.

"Lan Zhan," he says, confused and still unsteady with rage. "What was that?"

"Nothing," Lan Wangji says. He lets go of Wei Wuxian's arm and turns to go. Wei Wuxian catches his in turn.

"Nothing? Nothing? Lan Zhan, why did they think...why did they think they could say such things to you?" He knows Lan Wangji could have ended their lives with one strike. "Why were you letting them?"

Lan Wangji does not look at him.

"Because they can," he says. He tries to break away, but Wei Wuxian holds on.

"No," he says firmly. "They can't."

Lan Wangji turns to face him at last. "Why not? They may speak as they please to the second son of a broken clan."

Wei Wuxian bridles. "A broken - Lan Zhan-"

"If Gusu Lan is to recover, it cannot afford animosity from any who might give it aid." His voice is hard and sharp as steel. "Their words are of no consequence. Their coin is a different matter."

"No consequence?" Wei Wuxian asks. "Lan Zhan. They were saying..."

"I know very well what they were saying," Lan Wangji says, and pulls away at last. He leaves Wei Wuxian staring after him in open shock. 

Lan Wangji is mortified. He tells himself he is merely concerned about what he almost witnessed Wei Wuxian do to those men, but in truth is he is shaken. Scared, and tired, and very much ashamed. That Wei Wuxian has witnessed the way mere strangers could reduce Lan Wangji so easily to nothing. For the first time in his life, Lan Wangji feels uncomfortable in his own skin. And now it is as if Wei Wuxian knows. As if he knows that Lan Wangji is just...just a blank canvas for any passing uncouth fantasy. He both is and isn't the Second Jade of Lan - He is not untouchable, not in mind, in spirit. He is neither peerless nor pure. But he is not human, either. Not real in any way that counts.

And now Wei Wuxian, almost the only person that counts, can see it.

They do not speak of it. The war rages on. They fight, side by side, and protect each other.

Wei Wuxian does his best to protect Lan Wangji off the battlefield, too. Tries to make sure he never walks past strange tents alone at night, without being too obvious about it. He knows Lan Wangji wouldn't thank him for it, and their friendship is tenuous as it is. Still, the expression he'd seen on him that night haunts Wei Wuxian. He doesn't want it to make a home on his beloved face.

After Nightless City, though, things change.

Wei Wuxian isn't respected, exactly. But he is feared. When he speaks, cultivators at least pretend to listen. They've seen now what he's capable of.

He hasn't forgotten those men. Hasn't forgotten the lurid, barbaric pictures they dared to paint over Lan Wangji's undeniable impeccability, nor the unforgivably horrible way they'd managed to make Lan Wangji feel.

But there have been other things to take care of.

Until the banquet.

After the battle, after Wen Ruohan has been killed, liquor is bountiful as cultivators and foot soldiers alike make merry, preparing to feast. Jin Guangshan, now that things are over, has opened his purse to the victors, and none of them intend to waste it.

Once Wei Wuxian has recovered, once Lan Wangji has deemed him well enough not to need healing music any longer, they lose track of each other in the busy work of cleaning out the city, of preparing to celebrate a job well done.

But when the night arrives, Wei Wuxian is hurrying back to the Jiang quarters alone to join their contingent and head to the banquet. He's late, partially because he's him, and partially because he does not want to go. But Lan Wangji will be there, and he hasn't seen him in days.

He hears voices down a parallel street. Rough and loud. Familiar.

He turns and is halfway down the connecting alley before consciously deciding to change course. Dozens of voices whisper in his ears of vengeance, of justice, and black smoke licks his skin.

He sees them, lit harshly by the bright moon, washed out, pale and ugly, leering. He doesn't care what they're doing, who they're talking to. They have to pay.

"Wei Ying."

Lan Wangji's face swims into view, suddenly close. He looks nearly wild with concern. Wei Wuxian realizes Chenqing is already pressed to his lips, the first notes of a fierce melody dying on the air. Lan Wangji is gripping his wrist.

"They are not worth your life," he says."

Wei Wuxian opens his mouth to disagree. Lan Wangji's fingers tighten. Wei Wuxian takes a deep breath, and looks away from his steady, grounding eyes.

The men are still there, daring to look at them. Brazen.

"You have nothing better to do than lower the value of this entire street by merely standing on it?" Wei Wuxian calls to them.

They shift uneasily. But one of them lifts his chin, defiant.

"Who are you to discipline us? We're not Jiang or Lan, you can't speak to us this way."

Wei Wuxian angles away from Lan Wangji, faces them fully. Lets the shadows grow longer all around him. Pitches his voice low and calm. "Oh? Can't I?"

Three of them begin to back away, but the mouthy bastard stands firm. "You've no claim on us nor that one. What, is ruining our celebration your idea of fun? He's been acting all high and mighty all the while we've been down in the mud. It's high time he takes a turn on his knees."

Wei Wuxian flinches as if he's been hit. He doesn't look at Lan Wangji. He can't manage it, can't believe he's allowed this to happen again.

"Wei Ying," Lan Wangji pleads beside him. "The banquet. Your shidi and shijie are waiting for you. Lotus Pier needs you."

Wei Wuxian's breaths have gone erratic and shallow. He cannot kill these men. He should not. It would be...there's a reason. Lan Wangji doesn't want him to. He cannot kill them.

But he cannot leave it be, either. Something dark and animal rears up inside him.

"No claim?" He repeats. "What claim could I or my sect have on miserable refuse such as you? What claim could I possibly need in order to teach you a lesson? Cutting your throats would be

counted as a service to the world. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't."

The man crosses his arms. One of his companions is pulling frantically at his shoulder. "Give me one good reason why I can't bend that pretty thing over my knee."

A vicious snarl rips out of Wei Wuxian's throat and he lunges forward, but he's held back. Lan Wangji is holding him back.

"Why are you stopping me?" He bites out at him. "Why aren't you ending them yourself?"

Lan Wangji is angry now, enraged, Wei Wuxian can see. Why is he still letting these men breathe?

"Because my duty to my family comes first. As does yours. Wei Ying, think. Alive, they are nothing. Dead, they are an excuse to deal a killing blow to both our sects."

Wei Wuxian clenches his teeth and rips his arm out of Lan Wangji's grasp. He's right. Wei Wuxian hates that he's right.

The resentment is burning him up from the inside with no outlet. But Lan Wangji is looking at him, holding him steady with just his righteously angry gaze. 

"Well?" Calls the man, who apparently has a deathwish. "I'm waiting."

"For what?" Wei Wuxian bites out, not looking at him. "Leave if you value your life."

"Waiting for you to give me a reason we can't have him. It's just one night. Who's to know? Who's to care?"

It's a ridiculous question. Beyond ridiculous. There is no single reason - the best one is that Lan Wangji would have the perfect excuse to kill them if they did indeed try. But Wei Wuxian is past thinking clearly. He sees only the worn, tired anger in Lan Wangji's eyes. 

The dark, animal thing in his chest strains against his hold, bucking and shaking, trying to get free. Trying to curl around Lan Wangji and protect him from anything that could dream of making him feel so exposed.

"One reason?" Wei Wuxian asks, then turns to look at them again. He lets the resentment free, lets it seep out into the night in curling, questing tendrils. Entirely without thinking, guided by some deep-seated, abhorrent instinct, he wraps his arm around Lan Wangji's waist. "He's mine."

He lets the thick wisps of shadows flick at the cultivators' faces, cold and burning. They claw at their own skin, crying out, and finally, finally, turn and run. The resentment chases them out of the street, and then returns to him, preening.

Once their screams have died out, and the resentment has settled back beneath his skin, Wei Wuxian comes back to himself. With a sickening start he realizes that he is still holding Lan Wangji firmly against his side. He lets go and steps away, heart pounding.

"Sorry," he says. "I'm - sorry."

Lan Wangji is staring at him, expression unreadable. Wei Wuxian cannot believe he's managed to do something so thoughtless, so stupid, so...horrifyingly revealing.

"That was stupid. I didn't mean to...I was just trying to speak a language he'd understand. I'm sorry. You're not - you don't-"

"I understand," Lan Wangji says quietly. His gaze has shifted to Wei Wuxian's shoulder. He looks strangely fragile. Tall, straight, and graceful still, but...

"No," say Wei Wuxian, "no, that was uncalled for. I should have left when you told me to. I'm sorry I made things worse."

The shake of Lan Wangji's head is slight. "No more apologies. I will see you at the banquet."

He leaves then, sword in hand, one arm neatly folded behind his back. Wei Wuxian watches him go, and can't help but feel he's made yet another fatal mistake he can't take back.

He's mine.

Lan Wangji cannot get those words out of his mind. He cannot forget the sound of Wei Wuxian's voice, the certainty in it, the firm, inarguable tone. They echo in his ears almost palpably, an illicit caress that won't let the shiver in his spine die.

He feels the ghosts of Wei Wuxian's fingers on his waist for a week. He finds himself, at random intervals, placing his own hand over them, trying to exert the exact same pressure, to feel - but it is not the same. Not without the warm, hard length of Wei Wuxian's side against him.

The alien mixture of emotions from that moment twist and mix and become ugly parodies of themselves in his dreams. He does not know what he felt, then, anymore. Does not know what he feels now.

The only thing he knows with any confidence is that every time he sees Wei Wuxian thereafter, he aches, and aches.

Aches to simply tell him that he was right. 

[showrunnerihardlyknowher]

Idk about you but that trope where a giant gets angry and accidentally scares a tiny and feels bad abt it afterwards makes me go absolutely feral,,

So, originally, I was planning for this scene to be in a future chapter of This Is Nothing Like The Disney Star Wars Trilogy, but I could never really think of a full story arc around it, even though I still really really really love this idea. In any case, if I happen to brainstorm a better plot and find a way to squeeze this in I might edit it into the main story, otherwise enjoy some classic Giant Catboi and Twink Solider fearplay >:3c

--

“Do you have any idea how dangerous that was!?”

As expected, the little one did not respond to his rhetorical question, though his tone certainly helped snap it out of its previous stupor as it released its death grip on his shirt in favor of squirming as soon as the bedroom door slid shut behind him. His aggravation at the situation was clear as day even without the usual language and cultural barrier that impeded any sort of deeper relationship Edix tried to form with the human. Red ears were still folded back against his curls and his shoulders tense, the stiff posture traveling down to his hands were they gripped the earthling to his chest perhaps just a touch more tightly than usual, not that it prevented it from trying to push and wriggle itself out of his overprotective hold.

Fuck no, he wasn’t ready to let it go yet, not when flecks of blood were still smeared against his knuckles as a result of an impromptu rescue mission. The satisfying snap of cartilage under his fist after one good sucker punch to Talan’s smug face still echoed in his mind, blood gushing from the surely broken nose while the biologist stumbled backwards into the shelves. Edix wondered if he would be reprimanded for that by the directors later, or if Talan would be too proud to report the ass kicking, maybe even taking the lesson to heart to not fuck with his things in the future. And yes, that included trying to vivisect his sweet little pet.

How was I supposed to know the stray belonged to you? He had asked with sarcastic innocence, as if the human in question hadn’t been seen with Edix a thousand times before, and wasn’t drenched in his scent, and didn’t have his ID code printed on the back of its little suit, Maybe if you weren’t such a wuss and actually put it on a shorter leash-

Asshole. He was lucky Edix’s only goal at the moment was to get the little one off the table and back to the appropriate sector rather than rip Talan to shreds with his own tools. A taste of his own medicine, perhaps. Still, he admittedly did have a point about the human, what with how much it would run off and get lost and damn near killed. He simply couldn’t figure out what was so terrible about staying in his company that the little one would risk injury and mutilation in a foreign environment as opposed to the safety and comfort he so desperately tried to provide for it. They might have had a bit of a rocky start, sure, but stars above that was far in the past now. There’s nothing either of them can do to change the facts so why not accept things as they are and make some type of effort to be happy in this new life? By all accounts, Edix was a great owner!

And yet, the little one still fought him every step of the way. Even now, having just saved it from a fate of having its tiny organs sliced while it was wide awake, it made it known it did not want to be near him anymore. It might have been clinging to him the entire walk back to the bedroom, but it must have remembered it was supposed to be oblivious to the notion of genuine love and safety because now it started to stutter out little squeaks on top of struggling. Normally, Edix adored any and all of the sounds it made, especially when it was directly trying to talk to him which only served to give him the mental image of a pup mindlessly babbling before they managed their first few words. This time, however, it only worsened his irritation.

“Stop.” He ordered, which the human somewhat complied with, though it probably had more to do with his harsher tone and the fact that he was already lowering his hand towards the bed to set it down. As soon as it was free of his hold, it scrambled back, looking at him with those wide brown eyes that were full of so much fear it made him sick. Why did it have to be so afraid of him? What could he have possibly done that even now, almost a cycle later, it was still overtly wary of his intentions. All he ever did was care for it. Feed it, pet it, cuddle it, protect it, and still nothing was good enough!

With a tired sigh, he rubbed his hand down his face and resisted the urge to tug at his hair. “I just don’t understand,” he pleaded, begging some cosmic being out there to suddenly grant the little one the power to understand what he was saying, “what can I possibly do to prove to you that I’m not going to hurt you? I’m trying to keep you alive and it’s like...I don’t know, you resent me for that or something!”

The sweet thing looked more confused at his words than anything, but he could tell his body language and voice were making it uneasy. The human was used to soft words and purrs and slow movements, rarely any agitation in his being. After a beat of silence marked by an intense stare down, Edix gave up on hoping the earthling would miraculously explain itself and open up to sharing its thoughts on the matter. He reached for it and it instinctively back up, flinching when a growl rumbled in his throat in response.

“Stop running,” it was a fruitless endeavor, but like hell if he wouldn’t stop trying. That was how new pups learned how to understand a language anyways, wasn’t it? To repeat certain words over and over until they got the idea? Maybe that’s all he needed to do here, maybe by now it already knew the Venandi words for no, stop, be good, and so on. He reached for it again and it did the same thing as last time, always sure to stay just out of the most convenient reach. Not that it mattered how much it inched away seeing how it was trapped on the bed with Edix directly in front of it, but it was the principal of the matter.

And it was then that something inside him snapped. Something primal as a result of dealing with an unruly pup far too long for his nerves to handle at this moment. He wasn’t even aware of his actions, belatedly realizing how he pounced on the bed in a flash, the human scrambling to get away but only having enough time to turn around before being roughly pinned on its stomach against the mattress. His teeth were bared and pressed tightly against its back, fangs scraping against the layers of its clothes to no doubt bruise the tender flesh underneath, though thankfully they didn’t break the skin. A loud growl reverberated though its entire body, shaking it to its core.

“Enough.” He hissed against its back, keeping his teeth pressed into its skinny frame for a moment longer before pulling away. The second he did, his glare softened, all the anger he felt gone in an instant as soon as he saw the sight underneath him.

The poor thing was absolutely petrified.

It was probably the worst it’s ever been scared, arguably. Not even the first time they met, when it had so gracefully tumbled down that hill and landed face first in front of him, compared to the level of fear that radiated off it. A split-second thought had Edix wondering if he had legitimately scared it to death. Soon enough, though, he was able to pick up the minute tremors that shook through it, almost like an aftershock of the warning that it felt more than heard. It was pale, baby face devoid of color not unlike that time before when it had been sick with fever. But its eyes...those sweet little doe eyes he loved so much were wide and wet with a sheen of tears that refused to fall, locked in a blank stare straight ahead towards the wall and refusing to look at him.

A small, choked hiccup made its body twitch every couple of breaths, but it refused to open its mouth to allow any of these sniffles to turn into cries. Shit, it refused to move at all, too terrified of Edix’s threat display that if it did anything he didn’t like there would be dire consequences to pay. He supposed it worked exactly as intended, in that case. It was still, it was quiet, it was technically obeying him after he just forced it to behave via alternative punishment. That didn’t change the fact that he felt absolutely, terribly, extremely awful about what he just did.

It was just a pup, as he always said, regardless of what Ylva would tell him about human adolescence and such. It didn’t know any better, it had never been raised in these situations before and needed much longer than a measly cycle to unlearn all of its prey behaviors it needed to survive on its home planet. Besides, it wasn’t that it didn’t fully know that it was perfectly safe with Edix, it was smart enough to know he was at the very least the safest option when presented with any other Venandi. Edix had been upset, and it knew he was upset, so of course it would want to avoid a potentially hostile predator before-

--before it snatched the little one in its teeth.

Fuck, fuck, he was an idiot. Maybe he wasn’t as cut out for this as he thought, not like Ylva who was the very essence of motherhood. No. Now wasn’t the time for self doubts and pity, not when the human was in such a state. Slowly, hands cupped around its shaking form, mindful to make sure his fingers were in its view so it wouldn’t be any more startled when he lifted it up, not that he was completely sure it was actually seeing anything in front of it. The little one hardly reacted to the movement, laying limp when he pressed it against his chest and moved to sit up against the headboard of the bed in a similar fashion to what he had done the first night the poor thing was on the ship.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s okay,” he whispered to it, rubbing his thumb along the curve of its back just how it liked whenever it dozed, “you’re okay, we’re fine, it’s okay to cry. I’m sorry I scared you, I’m so sorry.”

Normally in these types of instances, he’d be purring and shushing the little sweetheart until he was able to get it down for a nap, but he had little confidence that any other types of chest vibrations would have its usual effect of making the human drowsy currently. When it finally started blinking again, the tears that had welled up ran freely down its cheeks, quickly biting down on its wobbling lip to prevent any sobs from escaping and get it in trouble for misbehaving. He softly clicked his tongue at it and cooed, anything to put it at ease with a softer demeanor. “I know, honey, I know. I won’t ever do that again, I promise."

Well, if nothing else, at least the little one’s apprehension of him wasn’t unfounded anymore, much to his dismay.

[burdenedreverance]

some ooc meta comm.

As you’ve probably noticed I have two primary verses, relating to the story of Desmond Hayden. That being 'a blade forged by will' and ' the masked forged by injustice.' I want to take some time to talk about the latter verse, and it's particularly heavy theme. Despite the crack I post sometimes, I really enjoy touching on some profound subjects and the struggles that exist in these mythical worlds. And for 'the mask forged by injustice' it exists as one of my favorite iterations of Desmond.

It is very important to me, as a person, to explore the themes of right and wrong. The concept of fairplay and doing right, regardless of the consequence to myself. Because that is what I think makes a good person. But the line between what is right and what is wrong is hard to determine a lot of the time, something I've learned painfully. And Desmond in almost all his verses serve some institution or organization with a questionable history, in this case, the Gotei.

The Gotei is an organization that was forged in blood, and on paper, uphold the balance between life and death. Not the primeval state of the world, but the world forged by the Soul King and Great Noble Families. And this world must make terrible, horrible decisions to maintain the status quo. And again, the status quo is not always a bad thing to maintain so long as you acknowledge the human cost. And in this case, it was the Thousand Year Blood War and the Hell Arc. Ok. Horrible necessities that on some level, can be argued for. Hayden is a soldier. He can accept that he doesn't understand, nor truly get, the immense depth that goes into making those decisions.  

It isn't his place to question that. It is his place to serve, faithfully, The Gotei. Because it is, in his view, the best thing for the world overall.

However.

Desmond believes that if the Gotei, and Central 46 in particular, can enact decrees like imprisonment in the Maggot's Nest or the summary execution of people- then at the very least they can make a concerted effort to improve the outer reaches of the Soul Society. If the nobles have the money and means to execute people and construct prisons which there is no escape, then surely, some of that can be directed to aide people who live in poverty by no merit of the own save for being born wrong. Now, this is an extremely idealistic point of view. Desmond Hayden is an idealist, perhaps a bit sour at times, but an idealist. He will move mountains, or try to, if he thinks that it is the right thing to do.

So if, or rather when, he is met by the continued ignorance of Central 46 even after he rises up in the Gotei's ranks it does a number on him. He begins to question the institution he serves, if the Gotei exists truly to preserve a good world or if it is merely a bludgeon for those in power. And perhaps, he knows, that it serves both functions. That it can do good, while also serving as a blunt instrument for those in power to remain so. But these doubts build, as he finds that no matter the routes he goes- injustice remains. The voices of the downtrodden, and the daily injustices, begin to wear more on him before he realizes that this isn't a fight he can win.

And it breaks him a little. It is easy, to ignore evil when it serves your purposes. And Hayden chooses to leave. He becomes an exile. Maybe he thinks of another way, or maybe he just needs to leave to clear his head. Because he doesn't want to begin a bloody fight, he doesn't want to be a villain. And much of his 'the mask forged by injustice' is him wrestling with that idea, wrestling with if he's right or wrong here. If he's being ignorant or simply naive. And sometimes, he makes a choice to stand against the Nobility and in turn the Gotei. And he has NO IDEA if this is the right choice. And it makes him angry, so incredibly angry. That rage, it consumes him. Both literally and metaphorically. 

Thats why I tag most of my musings for him as 'he was just a soldier hoping he done right.' At the end of the day, Hayden's story is just a guy hoping he's doing right. That when his time comes, when he is felled either by execution, battle, or old age- he did everything in his power to do good.