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agent-cupcake · 3 years

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You know, you've written a lot of your thoughts/hcs/etc on how various characters would behave as yanderes and so on, but I've never seen you talk about yandere readers before and I feel like that's an interesting subject to consider? Especially for 3H - you have a treasure trove of damaged boys to attract obsessiveness from girls who are convinced they are the ONLY one for them and it's their duty to drive away competition/threats/anyone they want.

Okay it's time to be toxic. I’m not going to go for all the guys, just the ones who immediately came to mind.

Dimitri: I joke quite often that I would be yandere for Dimitri. It all started when I brought up killing the girl he danced with at the White Heron Ball and quite frankly it's only spiraled from there because doesn't the Savior King Dimitri deserve to be adored and worshipped? Doesn't he deserve someone who wants the best for him and only him? Doesn’t it only make sense for him to be with someone who understands his mental issues and is willing to offer him unconditional support and patience? Doesn't he need someone with unwavering loyalty who will do anything no matter what the cost for his sake? It'd be so easy too because he's super dependent, desperate for affection, and clueless so if you just nourish those traits and constantly downplay his discomfort/suspicion of you driving away anybody who you feel is a threat by saying that this is how relationships just are, that it's just because you love him so much, that you're just looking out for him, what's he gonna do? It's not like he'd have any solid basis for knowing how relationships are supposed to be. Besides if he gets too upset you can threaten to leave him just like his mother did, I'm sure that would work to get him back in your arms (where he belongs). Yeah, that’s a little fucked up but it would be so much worse for both of you in the long run if you were apart. Being too aggressive or overt about your obsession would definitely make Dimitri wise up so it'd be better to go with love bombing. This would be good because it really lets you prove your devotion to Dimitri and makes it easier for him to just laugh off and excuse your disturbingly possessive behavior. His friends would be potentially problematic, but they're not always around and Dimitri's private enough that he probably wouldn't volunteer information about you to them. If you told him that it made you very upset and uncomfortable when he was friendly with the girls from his class, he’d most likely stop for your sake. Bonus round, have his babies. What is he going to do, abandon the mother of his children? Dimitri?!? No way. Of course he wouldn’t do anything to risk breaking his family, but neither would you! After all, this is all because you know Dimitri better than anyone which means that only you can love him.

Sylvain: Sylvain being manipulative and cheating on you after you try and prove your love to him through conventional means causing you to snap and kill hurt the girls, throw his lies back in his face, and prove that you're the only girl for him by preying on his emotional trauma with women is really something to consider. Why try to resolve toxic situations with love, compassion, and open communication when you can use blood and abuse to keep him with you? Play the part, be snarky, witty, flirty, be super hot and cold to keep him intrigued, give him the best fuck he's ever had, really show him that you don't care about his Crest, you just want to love possess him. Maybe even do the whole "I don't care who you're with, we both know you belong to me" to really engage him in those super fun mind games. Make everyone else acknowledge that you're the perfect girl for him, get them all to vilify him for continuing to be such a womanizer and breaking your heart. But, like, why stop there? Encourage him to retaliate, to be mad at you. Tease him for being so disgusted and angry at you when all you want, all you've ever wanted, was for your hearts to beat as one and then later act confused because of course you wouldn’t make light of his feelings like that, that’s horrible. All you want, all you’ve ever wanted, was for him to acknowledge that your adoration for him is true. Really break him until he gives you the whole “I’ll let you chain me up so I never even look at another girl” schtick. This might seem awful, but so is he! Reform can be difficult and if he’s going to be happy, he has to be made to understand why his behavior was so bad and the consequences of it. Because it’s not like you’d act like this if you had any other choice, it’s not like you’d continue once the two of you were truly together, of course you wouldn’t treat him so cruelly once he vowed himself to you and only you. And, really, I think it’d be a lot easier once he understood that and you got to prove your love to him through raw, unadulterated affection. Spend every day adding onto the list of why you love your Sylvain.

Claude: Claude being more than aware of the ole' saying "don't stick your dick in crazy" and then doing it anyway because he has a proclivity for the fiery, forbidden, and oh-so temping call of danger would be the perfect set up for a very bad predicament. You’d have to play some mind games to really convince him that he’s the one seeking you out, he’s the one who’s got it bad, he’s the one who wants to have you. In other words, you’d have to give him a challenge. But, you know, if it’s a game, you’d have to play back because you’re doing this for him, because you love him, because you want him to realize that he loves you, too (Uno reverse Claude’s yandere behaviors, basically) so obviously you’d have to eliminate any obstacles and taking out anybody who could be a potential threat. Get him to open up about his dreams, his past, his feelings. As it goes with basically all of these affection-starved men, make him feel loved for who he is. You know, if you were really good, you could probably even get him to give up on everything else for your sake. I mean, I loathe the ending but he does that for Lysithea. Pull a Tangled on Claude and make him believe that you’re his new dream as he mostly certainly is yours.

Felix: Sweet Felix. So oblivious but so difficult. A man who would provide the ultimate and most dangerous yan rival of them all: the thrill of the fight. In a lot of ways, I think he’d be like Dimitri. Mostly just because he’s so dense when it comes to love of any kind. But he’s also not as emotionally desperate or dependent so you wouldn’t really be able to use that against him. The similarities come from Felix’s equal amount of inexperience with romance which opens up a lot of possibilities for you convincing him that certain behaviors are normal. You can even bring up how his cold emotional state (something I believe he’s insecure about) is what forces you to be so overbearing, how badly it hurts you. You don’t necessarily mean to be so cloying but you’re so afraid of losing someone else you love so much (another insecurity of his). After all, there is nobody in the entire world who is like him, Felix Hugo Fraldarius, (three for three with his insecurities) and how irreplaceable and precious he is to you. These examples are kind of “soft” when it comes to using his insecurities against him, but you could go further with them assuming you were sure that it wouldn’t drive him away. Not knowing and having to work on assumption would always be a pretty big reason to control yourself in how you went about manipulating him because Felix is stubborn and prideful and pushing him too far would only hurt the both of you. It’s actually kind of funny because as opposed to the traditional yan mindset, it would be in your best interest to get Felix to form relationship bonds with others (but definitely not any of the girls he’s so popular with) because that would be a bargaining chip when convincing him to stay with you.

Ferdinand von Aegir: Ferdinand is, honestly, so easy for this. Like, I feel as if I don’t even need to talk about the details. You show him some affection and he’s yours. Bury him in love and praise. Tell him that it makes you unhappy when he talks to other girls or prioritizes his work over you and then reward him with boundless warmth and devotion because of course he would bend over backwards to make you happy. He just wants to be needed and treasured, to love and be loved. He’s already got the poetry and the ring and of course he wouldn’t mind getting married right away it’s true love, why would you wait?

Yuri: Yuribird is the forbidden darling. You’d need to be running on 100% love because he’d sniff out and ditch you at even the smallest whiff of deliberate obsession. But you know what he wants? More-so than the other guys, in some ways. He wants to be known and loved for who he is. In the face of genuine affection, he doesn’t stand a chance. Still, you’d have to be measured about this stuff. If you were jealous and got rid of your rivals yourself, Yuri would be disgusted and leave you. And you can’t hide that sort of thing from him, either. You’d have to go all in on the manipulation but only in the most honest way possible, that’s the only way past his defenses. Get him to prioritize your feelings first so he feels guilty talking to people or acting in ways that upset you. Reward him for putting you above everyone else. Constantly remind him that you’re the only one who knows and understands him, who loves him for who he is. Get him so emotionally fucked that even if his big brain logic is telling him that you’re toxic and horrible, he can’t stand the thought of being without you. He’d give up crime, it’s not like he even particularly likes it. Set up the perfect life for him, something domestic and sweet and warm, something he’s never had worries he doesn’t deserve, something that keeps him away from others. The goddess only knows how much he deserves a happy dream for once, and you’re the only one who can understand and provide that for him.

#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #sylvain jose gautier #yuri leclerc #claude von riegan #felix hugo fraldarius #ferdinand von aegir #fe dimitri #fe sylvain #fe yuri #fe claude #fe felix #fe ferdinand #fire emblem three houses #fe3h #yandere #headcanons #yandere headcanons #quality content only on my blog

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chroma-ki · 4 years

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What Happens When Society Fails Those Who Could Succeed - A Bakugo Katsuki Analysis

I started this a while ago, but I’ve seen others delve into this topic and I wanted to share as well. This delves into to hero society’s affects on Bakugo Katsuki’s upbringing, his worldview, his self-view, and Izuku’s involvement in breaking down the ideas society has drilled into his head.

A lot of people like to ignore the fact that Katsuki is a 14-year-old kid at the start of the series and that much of his life, attitude and disposition of the world have been completely shaped by the adults and society around him.

What do you expect a kid with potential to turn into when they are warped in such a way by a society that dictates that they need to be strong, or nothing at all? What about when your only value is based around a sliding scale of strength and weakness? What happens when that kid’s only source of help comes in the form of a reckless, selfless child who defies all sense of logic and reason (Izuku)?

Growing up, Bakugo was constantly praised for being strong, having a powerful quirk and being generally the smartest person in the room at any given time. He could arguably be considered a prodigy, and much of what he sees and learns feels beneath him -- because it's already on his mind. He is a kid with natural god-given talent that everyone around him immediately recognizes as above average.

Even as a toddler, he was constantly a step ahead of everyone else. Due to this, people developed a lot of high expectations for him at a young age -- and it doesn't help that he has a naturally competitive streak that makes him constantly want to prove himself and live up to these expectations; even surpass them.

Always being at the top of his class and being ahead of the curve mentally fuel the idea in Katsuki's mind that, in the game of life, he is 'winning'. Yet, at the same time, none of it is ever enough. Other's high expectations of him cause him to build extremely high expectations of himself; expectations that border on unrealistic. They also inflate his ego exponentially when this praise gets reaffirmed time and time again.

Certainly, in a situation where you're raised on other people's praise and validation, it is completely understandable that you would put a lot of emotional emphasis on other people's opinions of you. On top of that, he gives off such a natural and convincing air of confidence that people can't help but feel that he is reliable, despite his attitude. People are awed by him, and all of it feeds into the mental image he has constructed of himself, and the world as a whole. It's the whole reason for a lot of how he acts. He builds an image of himself based on the praise of those around him -- and even Izuku also feeds into this mentality by worshipping the literal ground Katsuki walks on as a kid.

This mentality seems to be working fine for him until Izuku's very presence starts to throw a wrench into everything Katsuki has been raised to believe.

Izuku completely defies logic to Katsuki. Izuku does not fit the societal norm and, beyond what others have taught him, Izuku is Katsuki’s only real hint that the world might not be quite what he thinks it is, and that his idea of what it means to be strong may not be a ‘one-size fits all’ defenition.

Izuku is a quirkless kid; weak and generally mild-mannered. He doesn't have any self-confidence and is a big crybaby. Yet, Izuku still believes that he can be strong and become a hero -- when Katsuki has always been told the opposite. Katsuki recognizes that this may be some version of strength he is unaware of, and it raises BIG RED FLAGS in his mind.

Where many of Katsuki's other childhood friends were barely more than acquaintances who he forgot over time, Izuku immediately caught Katsuki's interest and spiked his curiosity. Like everyone else in his life, Izuku praised Katsuki and told him all the things he wanted to hear -- but Izuku was also unique and intelligent. Izuku was the first person who actually seemed like they could stand near Katsuki's level; like they might be actual competition.

Then, Bakugo got his quirk and Izuku is diagnosed as quirkless. The reactions of everyone around him to this news, including Izuku’s own reaction, only go back to telling him what society has told him all along. Strength is everything, and quirks are a part of that desired strength. This is another moment that reaffirms Katsuki's world view. "I won, you lose. I really am the best."

Though Bakugo is super aggressive on the outside, he is a very self-critical character and often means the opposite of whatever he is saying. Especially when it comes to his self-confidence and bravado.

People often complain when watching the series about him telling people to 'die' and "got to hell", or calling other people "extras", and I don't think enough people understand -- that is just how he speaks. Those are things he says out of reflexive anger. None of those words ever have any real meaning.

It's more important to pay more attention to the moments in which he is more reserved/quiet. He suffers from both a superiority complex and inferiority complex, as well as paranoia (much of which revolves around his warped idea of how Deku, and other people he values, perceive him). Much of what he says is just empty words or him trying to project an image of self-confidence.

He wears his pride like a suit of armor to hide all the things he doesn't want to admit about himself. He attempts to make up for his own insecurities by getting angry. And he learned this at home from his mother, who is much the same as him.

From the little that we have seen of his parents throughout the series so far, his parents love him and provide him with everything he could possibly need -- but his mother often insults him and throws harsh truths in his face to counteract his cocky nature. One of the most notable instances of this is when All Might and Aizawa are talking to his parents about moving the kids to the dorms and his mom says "If you hadn't have gotten yourself caught by the villains in the first place, none of this would have happened".

That comment feeds directly into his mental breakdown in front of Izuku where he blames himself for All Might's downfall, flat out saying that "If I hadn't been kidnapped by villains, then it never would have happened".

It gets me every time if you go back to the 8th episode of the series, near the VERY BEGINNING -- right after he's defeated by Deku for the first time in combat training -- and the episode literally starts with him having a full on panic attack.

He's trembling, hands shaking, hyperventilating, the whole deal. And that particular incident was triggered not only by Deku defeating him and standing up to him (which completely contradicts the Izuku that Bakugo has grown up with all his life and feeds into Bakugo's own fear that he is weak), but is also brought on by the fact that he notices how severely Deku allowed himself to be injured JUST TO WIN THE EXCERSIZE. Again, this idea that even the weak can be strong. It also doesn’t help that he cares about Izuku and doesn’t want to see him get hurt.

And I'm sorry -- but below does not look like the face of someone who's pissed off to me. He looks PETRIFIED.

Izuku doesn't just piss Bakugo off -- Izuku TERRIFIES him.

There are actually multiple instances of him reacting like this to Izuku injuring himself throughout the series: sludge villain, sports festival fight against Todoroki and the training camp where Bakugo was kidnapped being the major ones I can think of beyond current managa events. Bakugo may claim to ‘hate’ Deku, but he DOES NOT like to see Deku hurt himself to win, or to save.

Bakugo saw this 'self-sacrificing' trait in Izuku even as a young kid, and it freaked him out. It made him feel weak. It made him question himself and the world around him.

This fear starts with the incident where Bakugo fell off the log as a kid.

It wasn't a life threatening situation, but it was the first situation where Izuku rushed to Bakugo's aid with complete disregard to himself AND when everyone else refused to help.

Bakugo's friends, teachers and parents all held him to such high expectations of intelligence, power and strength -- so of course those would be the values that he grows up idolizing. No one ever really offered him help, because they assumed he didn't need it -- and then Izuku comes rushing in offering it to him, risking his life to do so, and Katsuki's only thought is "Why?! Why do you feel like you have to save me when you can't even protect yourself? Needing to be saved means that I'm weak! Do you think that I'm weak?" I have recently watched another show that had a similar scenario and that character explained what I believe Katsuki felt in this situation BEAUTIFULLY. ------ “It felt like [he] was trying to say I was weak or something. [He] was intruding on feelings [he] didn’t have any right to – and I hated it. Then that got me thinking about everyone else in my life. They never treated me like I was a weakling; someone who needed his hand held. They had faith that I would continue to grow and they let me do it; helping me without ever making me feel weak.”

Izuku continues to do this again and again throughout the series when it comes to Bakugo: the slime villain incident, the training camp, etc -- all without fully comprehending how his actions affect Bakugo. Each time this happens, Bakugo feels weak and utterly helpless to save himself OR to stop Izuku. It's all his worst fears realized.

It's like living his worst nightmare over and over without end in sight.

Going back to the concept of him being offered 'help', very few people have offered him this throughout his life -- and they all saw it as something he never really needed. It's like Katsuki's personality and mental state is a huge sign screaming 'I DON'T UNDERSTAND! NOTHING MAKES SENSE! IT MAKES ME MAD AND UPSET! SOMEONE, HELP ME.' and everyone just ignores it.

--- During the log incident - all his friends say 'Oh well, he's fine. He'll pick himself back up.' and Izuku is the only one who offers to help.

--- The sludge villain incident - all the pro heroes say "We can't help right now! You'll just have to hold on, kid!" and again Izuku is the only one who offers help.

--- After his and Deku’s first fight at Ground Beta, which utterly breaks him, all the other students just let him leave alone and only Izuku rushes to help. All Might sees him upset and crying after this and says, “Oh, I guess he’s already over it” -- when that obviously wasn’t the case.

--- And then -- to top it all off -- after he was kidnapped by the LOV and held captive for 3 days without help he wasn't even given time to process! He was taken away by police, ridiculed by his mother, forced to go back to school where his teachers acted like nothing happened, jumped into the provisional hero licensing exam with all those helpless feelings rolling around inside of him and on top of it found out that Izuku received All Might's power -- a power that he had spent his whole life putting on a pedestal. And he goes to Izuku for help.

The fact that everyone just brushed him off like he was someone who didn't need help is just disgusting. The only instance where an adult in his life acknowledged that he needed it was AFTER he already had a full on mental breakdown in front of Izuku, blaming himself for everything that had gone wrong and thinking that he had somehow been living his life wrong all this time. Only then did All Might and Aizawa think, ‘Yeah, maybe we failed this kid.’

Keep in mind during all of this that he is 15-16-years-old! He's trying to figure out how to deal with this shit all on his own, with the only person he feels comfortable opening up to being Izuku - someone who he has so much trouble understanding.

At the heart of Katsuki is a place of fear. Fear of being weak, fear of being helpless, fear of failure, fear of losing his friends, fear of himself, most certainly fear of Izuku -- and fear FOR IZUKU. He is a boy who lives in a constant state of panic, worry and paranoia. He is lonely and beats down on himself a lot.

The series deals a lot with how hero society has completely failed it's future generations, but Katsuki is a case where they should have succeeded -- yet ultimately they failed him too. He has all the makings of what could be one of the greatest heroes of all time, yet those around him only focused on the parts of him that could make him great and chose to ignore all the parts that would ruin him from the inside out.

They put him high up on a pedestal only to knock him down and refuse to help him back up. They made him feel like even asking for help was something that made him 'lesser', and it caused him to see other people that way too.

Izuku is the heart of Katsuki's growth, because in every way that Izuku succeeds, Katsuki fails.

I would actually argue that out of anyone in the series since coming to UA, Katsuki has experienced the highest amount of personal failure. He has been knocked down time and time again but ultimately wants to pick himself back up to prove that he deserves to be there. He fights for his friends and tries his best at everything he does. He doesn't always get it right, and he says things that might offend others, but other than Izuku, he's the most driven person there and would utterly destroy himself to reach his goals.

#bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #mha #my hero academia #meta analysis #kacchan #deku #bakudeku #katsudeku #bkdk

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typicalher · 4 years

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An Analysis of Will's Moral Conflict

One of the key struggles for Will throughout the show concerns his reluctance to fully embrace his darkness. I completely acknowledge that this is a struggle that he deals with throughout, but the reasons for this struggle are more complicated than him simply having too strong of a good moral compass. When you actually look carefully at Will’s pattern of behavior, what you see is that Will’s moral struggle is really more about what he thinks he should feel or possibly even what he thinks he should want to feel. It is often argued that Will struggles with his internal conflict because he also wants justice or to stop Hannibal (and himself) from killing or hurting people. If Will is fighting his darker urges because he wants to protect people then that would be valid, but this is usually not the case when you actually look at his actions and the fallout. Will’s struggles don’t actually protect anyone (in fact his indecisiveness usually leads to tragic consequences) and when others do get hurt, he doesn’t actually react with genuine guilt or even make true changes to his behavior for the better.

In the beginning of the series, we do know that Will has a desire to be normal and because he isn’t he largely hides from social interaction. At first he is also not interested in socializing or even talking with Hannibal, but once Hannibal gets him to confess to enjoying killing Hobbs and then offers him acceptance at this confession, we see Will become much more comfortable having serious and personal conversations with him. Will enjoys the acceptance that Hannibal is offering him despite admitting to enjoying taking a life. Will is still very reluctant to admit this to anyone else; however, so he does recognize that it isn’t a normal feeling for him to have despite Hannibal’s lack of judgement (and even encouragement). He tells Abigail that killing her father was the “ugliest feeling in the world,” which we know is a lie and near the end of S1 he later confesses the truth about how he felt to her.

S2 is where we really get to see Will’s struggle begin though because it is during S2 that he is much more “awake” so to speak and he actually starts actively embracing more of his darker urges and recognizing them for what they are. He is angry at Hannibal because of Abigail’s death and the betrayal of lying about his illness and framing him, as well as the death of Beverly, which eventually leads to Will sending Matthew Brown to kill him. Will does not appear to feel any regret for this attempt at murder by proxy, or the fact that he was sending someone else off to potentially be sacrificed for this cause, and when Hannibal frees him from prison shortly afterwards, he also begins to understand some of Hannibal’s motivations for his S1 actions. However, he still starts off on a plan to get revenge and presumably attempt to bring Hannibal to justice. This brings us to the question of why is Will really doing all of this. Jack certainly seems to think it is for justice, but we eventually see that Will is lying throughout the “investigation.” Will was, for instance, supposed to manipulate Hannibal into trying to kill Mason but arrest him in the act. At least that is what Will tells Jack. However, Will also doesn’t tell Jack anything about his personal connection to the Mason Verger plot and what happened to Margot. He also manipulates Mason against Hannibal, but in the end he frees Hannibal allowing him to kill his way out of Muskrat Farm. He also just ends up watching Hannibal snap Mason’s neck and doesn’t tell Jack anything about what actually happened, which is why they have to resort to the planned entrapment dinner. Based on his actions and not just on what Jack believes are his intentions, there isn’t really any indication that Will’s motivations are anything but personal. He is upset by Hannibal’s actions in S1, but he is mostly still upset about what happened to Abigail. He brings her death up to Freddie twice and questions Hannibal directly about it. Even before the rest of the FBI closes in and Will is forced to make a choice, he burns Hannibal’s psychiatric notes about him. The file even contains the real clock that Will drew when he was ill. Will burns it willingly when he could have attempted to keep it. Hannibal doesn’t seem concerned at all that Will has it in his hands. Why does he destroy valuable evidence if he wants justice? In the end, Will disregards even Abigail’s death when he calls Hannibal to warn him. Even if Will wasn’t planning to run with Hannibal when he got to the house (though we know he at least wanted to based on his later confession to Jack) he wanted Hannibal to leave. He wanted him to go free. This wasn’t about justice. It was about what had personally happened between the two of them and he was apparently okay with Hannibal leaving and going to potentially kill other people somewhere else. Later when Will is in the hospital and Chilton tells him this is his best possible world, Will imagines if he had killed Jack with Hannibal that night, which shows us that Will’s regrets over Mizumono aren’t that he failed to stop Hannibal and bring him to justice but that he didn’t commit to Hannibal sooner and that they didn’t get to go through with killing Jack together.

When we get to S3, Will’s conflict eventually shifts away from being about what Hannibal has done to hurt him and more about Will’s so called morality. This is where Will starts to get a bit more difficult to follow in terms of motivation because Will is pretty hypocritical about all of it. At the beginning of the season, Will is mourning the loss of the family that he, Hannibal, and Abigail could have been together. He is worried that Hannibal may just be playing with him, but he also wants to go to Hannibal. This is explicitly stated more than once when he talks to “Abigail” who is really just a representation of his own thoughts. At the end of the episode, he forgives Hannibal, and I think this is where we start to get a bit of a shift in Will’s conflict. Will goes to Hannibal’s childhood home, which is where he encounters Chiyoh. Will now sees someone Hannibal has “tested” and seemingly has left behind. Will was already worried in Primavera that Hannibal was simply playing with him, but now he sees someone that Hannibal was able to walk away from and he likely becomes concerned that Hannibal sees him the same way. Afterall, Hannibal gutted him and walked away and Will only has the broken heart as a sign that Hannibal hasn’t just moved on. What if Hannibal was just mocking him? Will’s insecurities are somewhat understandable here. What is telling though is how Will treats what he should logically see as another of Hannibal’s “victims.” He treats Chiyoh in a very Hannibal-like manner. He tests her to see if she will kill and she does in self-defense. While he does take the prisoner away from the castle initially, when Chiyoh screams, we get a shot of Will off in the woods. His reaction is stone cold and there is no surprise at all on his face, so he must have expected the prisoner to come back after her. Chiyoh also makes sure to call him out on his real intentions. Later when they are riding the train together, he still shows no remorse for what he did to her, and instead rather coldly questions her about taking a life. He asks her if she sees herself killing the prisoner over and over and she replies no that she sees him and his response is just to grin at her as if he enjoys the thought of what he has made her do. Later in the same episode, she states that he feels like he needs to kill Hannibal or he will become him and Will says yes. It is here that the story somewhat shifts from Will possibly wanting to go be with Hannibal again to feeling like now he needs to kill Hannibal in order to “save himself” from Becoming like him. What changed? I think Chiyoh and thinking Hannibal just saw her as disposable is part of it, but I think the fact that he was able to really forgive Hannibal for what happened between them before and Abigail is also apart of it. If Will can forgive Hannibal for killing their daughter and gutting him and still wants to go to him, what does that say about Will himself and the type of person he is? This isn’t the way normal people love. I think this realization, combined with the fear that Hannibal doesn’t really care about him, causes Will to get a bit spooked and regress in his own self-acceptance a bit. Seeing Bedelia and realizing she took his place also helped solidify this belief on his part.

However, lets look a little more closely at Will’s apparent motivation and the belief he needs to kill Hannibal for this reason. Is it to bring him to justice? Is it to stop Hannibal from killing others? No, it is all about Will and his attempts to possibly control his own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Keep in mind that at this point, Hannibal has left Will alone for eight months. He did leave the broken heart, but Will had to travel across the ocean to see that. Will is going after Hannibal; Hannibal is not going to Will. The idea that Will must kill Hannibal to stop his own dark desires is pretty illogical on Will’s part, and Chiyoh tries to point out to him that there are flaws in his thinking because she follows up by telling him there are means of influence other than violence, but this is also where Will really starts twisting himself up in knots to lie to himself. (For the record, I do think there is more to Will’s motivations than just wanting to kill Hannibal just like there was much more to Hannibal’s attempt at the head sawing. For one, I think they are both afraid of being the vulnerable one in the relationship because at this point in their relationship, there is a lot of violence, physical and emotional, between them. I also doubt Will would have gone through with it. He pulled a tiny knife in the middle of a public street and Will has never before or after this, been able to actually go through with killing Hannibal or letting anyone else do it, but I digress.) It should also be noted that Will didn’t go to Italy in the first place to attempt to bring Hannibal to justice. He goes to Italy to deal with his feelings for Hannibal just like he “resumed therapy” to deal with his feelings for Hannibal. We can see proof of this in his interaction with Pazzi who wants his help as an officer of the law to find Hannibal, and Will not only isn’t interested in really helping him, he starts to deliberately act creepy around him including taunting him by asking him if he knows whose side he is really on. When Will meets up with Jack later, even though he goes with him to the apartment where they find Bedelia, Will also slips out by himself and doesn’t tell Jack he knows where to find Hannibal, so again he sees finding Hannibal as something personal and not a matter of law enforcement.

Then we arrive at the Digestivo break up. Will is clearly exhausted during this episode. He does bite Cordell’s cheek and look to Hannibal for approval and help talk Alana into freeing them, but you can tell he is tired. This is when he tells Hannibal to leave and he doesn’t want to know where he is. Let’s break this action down. There are two valid interpretations to this: Will deliberately manipulated Hannibal into surrendering (which he later claims) or Will thought Hannibal would really leave and was surprised that Hannibal turned himself in. If Will did deliberately manipulate Hannibal into turning himself in, we can say from his later actions that he was essentially keeping Hannibal on the hook until Will was ready to return to him. Will is giving himself a break from the drama that is their relationship and giving himself some space (even though Will was the one to seek out Hannibal again and not the other way around). If Will didn’t manipulate him on purpose then Will once again is apparently fine with Hannibal leaving and killing other people. The implication then is that it would apparently be okay as long as Hannibal wasn’t killing people he knew and Will wasn’t tempted to give in to his own dark urges by being around Hannibal. Hannibal killing only seems to be an issue for Will when he is personally connected to it, and even then only to a point. The only one of Hannibal’s victims he really seems to care about is Abigail (who he forgave Hannibal for) and Beverly for a short period of time before he seemingly forgot about her entirely (and this is arguably Will being angry at Hannibal taking something else away from him. Will tends to get upset when he believes this is what Hannibal is doing. We see it with Abigail, Margot’s baby, and later when he accuses Hannibal of this concerning Molly and Walter during his conversation with Bedelia.) We can also see the way Will treats one of Hannibal’s surviving victims, Alana. Alana is manipulated by Hannibal, and unlike Will himself, is considered disposable. Alana actually does try to stop Hannibal by pulling the trigger and attempting to shoot him, but she fails. She is a victim of Hannibal’s manipulations and suffers a serious injury and almost dies because of Hannibal. And how does Will treat her? He doesn’t even want her around him. He would rather pine for Hannibal and Abigail in Hannibal’s kitchen than even talk to her. They could have come together to bond over their trauma, but instead he rejects her entirely and tells her to leave him alone. He doesn’t even have a logical reason to be so put off by her in their scene in the kitchen.

We then arrive at the Red Dragon arc where Will’s “moral conflict” reaches its most hypocritical levels. First, we have how he treats Bedelia. Will is blatantly jealous, but even setting aside his hatred of her as a potential rival, his attitude towards her is outrageously hypocritical. He was upset no one would believe him about Hannibal in the first half of S2, but he never even gives her story the benefit of the doubt for a second (even openly mocking her with his “I don’t believe you.”) He also tells her she would deserve to be eaten by Hannibal and later threatens her again in TWOTL. This is the man who tried to shoot someone in cold blood, mutilated a corpse, set someone up to kill and mutilated another corpse, and tried to help Hannibal escape at least once. Will has done more criminal acts and gotten away with them than Bedelia is even capable of doing in the first place. Remember when Will was going to be arrested for killing and mutilating Randall Tier? Apparently Will just got away with that completely once the FBI was distracted by Hannibal being the real Ripper. Bedelia has nothing on Will.

We also have Will’s family, which is often used as an example of Will trying to be a good man and resist his darkness, but let’s look at how this is presented. Parallels are actually drawn between Will choosing his family and how Dolarhyde chooses his victims. Hannibal points out that Dolarhyde is like Will and “needs a family to escape what is inside of him.” When Hannibal tells him he picked a readymade family “to serve his needs” because he knows better than to breed, Will is called out for basically having a beard family (in more than one way). It is worth noting that Will does not even try to argue with Hannibal about this, which is basically accepting the truth of the statement. Will doesn’t have a problem with calling Hannibal out when he feels he deserves it. What we are shown of Will’s relationship with Molly is also quite shallow. We have no reason to believe he has been honest about himself with her. She believes he is motivated by wanting to save lives, but as we have seen he is fine putting people in danger and doesn’t seem to care about Hannibal killing people he doesn’t care about. She also jokes about his criminal mind and he shuts the conversation down. There has been discussion about whether or not Will was purposely putting Molly and Walter in danger. I don’t think he did this consciously, but I do believe he was very selfish to use them for a “normal” life while he is essentially keeping Hannibal waiting in prison. It is also very odd that Will is supposed to be so good at reading killers, but he “doesn’t” pick up on the obvious hints Hannibal gives him about Dolarhyde coming after Molly and Walter next. By involving them, and not being honest with them, he at least was pulling them into a world they weren’t prepared for. We also never see them again after they are attacked. Will mainly seems upset that Hannibal tried to take something away from him again since that has been an issue for Will throughout their relationship and even in the scene where he confronts Hannibal about it he doesn’t even stay angry for the entire scene. (Also, the accusation that Hannibal gave Will three years to build a family just so he could take them away is pretty bizarre logic as well. Hannibal didn’t know what Will was going to do while he was in prison.) If Will actually wanted to be with them though, it is odd that this was enough to destroy the relationship. As if he wanted to live in an illusion and once the illusion is shattered he has no need for it. Some argue that Will’s motivations are to protect Molly and Walter in the finale, but if that is the case why do we never see them again? Molly is only brought up in the finale as a way for Will to try and hurt Hannibal. If Will truly cared beyond the destruction of his attempt at a normal life, then why do we not get more of a real moment between Will and Molly after the hospital scene? Instead, Will is back to focusing on the personal conflict of he and Hannibal’s relationship and the new confirmation that Hannibal is in love with him and what he feels in return and what he is going to do about it. In fact, Will was the one who decided to involve Hannibal in the case before it was even necessary. If Will believes Hannibal is so dangerous for himself and the world at large, why doesn’t he leave Hannibal to rot alone in his cell until it is absolutely necessary to interact with him? Bedelia calls him out for just missing Hannibal and wanting to see him, but you also have to wonder if Will wants to give Hannibal the chance to act in some way and get involved. Hannibal didn’t even need to know Will had a family at all for the purposes of this case, so Will agreeing with Bedelia that Hannibal was going to let Will have something knowing he could take it away is odd. The whole situation is another example of Will coming to Hannibal instead of Hannibal coming to Will. Will had to want Hannibal involved.

We then come to Chilton and Will’s role in what happens to him. Will does appear upset at seeing what happened to Chilton in the FBI office, but when we cut to him with Bedelia, the one he can be more honest with, we see a very different side of him, and when she asks if he wants to talk about it he responds with “the divine punishment of a sinner mirrors the sin being punished” and “Damned if I’ll feel.” When she asks if he has to wonder if he put Chilton at risk he says no and with a cocky eyebrow raise, he responds to her asking if she expected this to happen to Chilton by saying “I can’t say I’m surprised.” We aren’t seeing any real remorse here and after imagining himself lighting the match that burned Chilton, he easily lies to Jack in the next scene and blames it all on Hannibal, which is a deliberate attempt on his part to deflect the blame he was just taking responsibility for with Bedelia.

Will’s actions in The Wrath of the Lamb are ambiguous to a point, and there are multiple interpretations of what his intentions were. What we can say for certain is that Will lies to Jack and acts like he didn’t know Dolarhyde was alive until after the rest of them learn that news as well. He never reveals that he has already put a plot into motion involving Dolarhyde. So what is Will’s motivation? There are different options. None of them actually make Will look good or heroic at all. One interpretation is that Will has decided that too many lines have been crossed by himself and he needs to put an end to it, so he is going to have Dolarhyde kill Hannibal. If this is Will’s motivation, then it means that Will is essentially blaming giving in to his own darkness on Hannibal simply existing. Hannibal is in a cell and while he did find a way to be something of a danger thanks to Dolarhyde, that avenue is now cut off to him. It doesn’t make logical sense for Will to decide to use another serial killer to kill Hannibal because Will has given into his darkness enough to now be willing to do things like set up Chilton and not feel bad about it. If this is Will’s genuine plan, it also means he is willing to lie to Jack and the others and put many people in danger for his own personal issues. The officers escorting them are killed, and it can be easily assumed that Will helped Dolarhyde know where they would be (how else did he find out?) so that it would just be Will and Hannibal against Dolarhyde alone, which was not Jack’s plan at all. Even if Will didn’t intend for the police officers to die, he was deliberately endangering others with his plan and they die because of his manipulations. Will also shows no remorse over this (he even steals a gun off of a corpse) even though it is a much worse act than killing a family annihilator with Hannibal. If Will’s moral conflict doesn’t include caring about the lives of innocent officers, what exactly is he trying to stop himself from Becoming and how will Hannibal being dead help? The most “heroic” take on Will’s plan is that he wanted to put an end to Dolarhyde and Hannibal (and possibly himself) to end all the evil and maybe stop himself from becoming a killer. However, Will’s plan involves lying to Jack, manipulating people, and getting innocent bystanders killed. This isn’t logical and if this was Will’s conscious plan he is a hypocrite who is more concerned with saving a perception of himself that he believes should exist than actually being a hero. If Will really wanted to put an end to things, he could also have helped Jack find Dolarhyde and then turn himself in for his own crimes or had himself committed to protect others from himself. Will instead picks the most reckless and dangerous plan he could. Even his attempt at ending both he and Hannibal isn’t a full commitment to the act. There was still a gun available. He could have put a bullet in Hannibal’s brain when he was vulnerable and then ended himself. Instead, Will pushes them off a cliff that Hannibal already told him had an eroding bluff. He is leaving it up to chance, likely because he doesn’t really want to die, but he believes dying is what he should want to do. Keep in mind, this last push isn’t motivated by the fact that his plotting led to the death of several innocent people. He is motivated to do this because of how Good and Right it feels killing with Hannibal.

For the record, I believe that Will really wanted to free Hannibal and kill with him. I do think it is very possible that Will told himself his motivations were what I outlined above, but because those motivations are so illogical, I believe this was just his excuse to create a situation where he and Hannibal had to fight and kill Dolarhyde alone together because what he really wanted was that experience (after all, he tells Bedelia his plan and threatens her with Hannibal coming after her, which doesn’t make sense if he really plans for them to all be dead). However, if the above were his motivations, and Will truly wanted to let Dolarhyde kill Hannibal for him right up until the moment he couldn’t actually let it happen, then Will is someone who is willing to blame someone else for his own actions, unnecessarily endanger bystanders to “save” himself, and then attempt to use someone else for murder by proxy (again). None of that is heroic and none of that demonstrates that Will is driven by a genuine attempt to be moral. It is a surface level morality that doesn’t add up to much at all.

Even the narrative tends to tell Will that his fight to preserve his “morality” is dangerous to others. The more Will fights, the more indecisiveness he shows, the more he gets other people hurt. His insistence that he just kept lying to Hannibal (as he tells himself in Primavera) helped lead to the tragedy of Mizumono. While Hannibal is responsible for his own actions, Will is also responsible for the part he plays and his inability to pick a side until it was too late (and even then in a way ambiguous enough that Hannibal did not seem to get the message.) When Will is unsure of himself and gives into his impulses without being sure of what he wants, we end up with situations like Chilton and the unnecessary deaths in TWOTL. Will’s moral conflict never actually leads to anything good in the show, and a lot of the negative consequences are caused by Will’s inability to seemingly be honest even with himself. Will’s moral conflict is something he does struggle with, but ultimately it does not lead to him actually changing for the better or showing genuine remorse for his actions. His conflict only leads to him being more reckless and endangering even more people. It is a false conflict that is based on Will believing he should be a certain way because of society’s expectations (and it is in this that the closeted subtext makes the most sense) rather than real guilt or a desire to be good for its own sake. I do hope and believe that surviving the Fall was what Will needed to finally let go of these issues so that he can finally be happy with himself and Hannibal.

#hannibal #spoilers #will graham #meta #hannigran #hannibal lecter

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suntumarchive · 3 years

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A commission for @trashbin-connoisseur ! Thank you so much! ;u;

Fandom/s: Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Character/s: Donatello Versace x gender- and appearance neutral reader Kink/s: Hunger, stuffing, stomach noises, upset stomach, belly rub CW: Starvation mention

Plot: Donatello Versace is in a bad mood. Why? Simply because he hasn’t eaten yet. Since Donatello is a bit of a strange fellow and views taking a break from his work to eat as weakness, the reader convinces him to have some cake, and let them feed it to him. He enjoys it at first, but then is surprised by a stomach ache, which the reader helps him deal with by massaging him.

___

Donatello Versace lifted his gaze up to the window, and directly looked into the bright spot in the sky for a moment, admiring the winter sun that was hiding behind a thin layer of clouds. Such lovely weather. Even though it was still cold outside and a few stray snow flakes occasionally fell from the sky, it seemed like the perfect day to take a walk. But before that… he had to finish cleaning his shoes.

Well, technically, he didn’t have to. Donatello was just a bit eccentric about his shoes. Very eccentric. Even though the young man hated many, many things; dirty shoes were very high up in his list of most hated things in the world. He felt dirty, unattractive and unclean when there was just a bit of grey on his white sneakers, or a brown stripe across his fancy black leather shoes. They had all been so goddamn expensive, why did the world have to ruin everything he remotely cared about?! Before Donatello realized what he was doing, the brush in his hand went flying, and landed on the floor with a loud thud.

Oh. Oops.

“Don?? What was that?”

He rolled his eyes at your voice, and reluctantly got up to get the brush again… He wanted his sneakers to be pearly white after all. Just why was he in such a bad mood though? He woke up feeling fine today. How very annoying… Donatello was supposed to be happy. He deserved happiness more than anyone else. Or so he thought at least…

“Nothing!! I just threw the brush.”

“What? Why?”

The young man glared in your direction for a second as you entered the room. Why? No fucking idea why! It just happened! Did he have to explain everything to you? - No… it wasn’t your fault. It really wasn’t. He shouldn’t be rude. Donatello took a deep breath before he responded.

“Just because. … I’m kind of angry.”

“I see… is there a reason…?”

Before he could open his mouth to try and explain it to you, his body already helped him figure out the best way to let you know. An intense rumble erupted from his gut, filling the room with the deep, low sound of his complaining, hungry stomach. Donatello grunted softly, raising his eyebrows at his belly’s betrayal… not even his hunched over position helped with muffling the noise. Very quickly, the man’s cheeks grew rosy with shame.

“Oh, you didn’t have breakfast yet? But it’s almost lunchtime! Would you like me to make you something? Maybe some egg on toast?”

He found it sweet of you to offer that… Admittedly, he started salivating a bit at the thought of egg on toast, but as you most likely already knew – Donatello was a bit of a weirdo. He couldn’t step away from his work now. That would mean giving into his weakness, and he couldn’t let that happen. No more weakness. Never again. Donatello was a perfectionist – if he wanted the perfect, happy life, then he had to work for it. And a good step towards a perfect, happy life were squeaky clean shoes.

“NO. … No. I want to finish this first.”

You already knew that there was no use trying to convince Donatello once he had an idea implanted in his head… sometimes it would really be interesting to hear his thought process. But for now, you decided to let him do his thing, and sat down on the couch next to him. He glanced in your direction to check whether you’d make anything dirty with your feet, but luckily, you knew him well enough at this point to always take your shoes off and make sure your socks were clean before putting your feet on the couch. Satisfied, he went back to focusing on his own shoes, and immediately remembered why he’d thrown the brush. A yellow streak that simply wouldn’t get off… one would think that more expensive shoes would also be more resistant to getting dirty, but no…

GrrruuRRRRrrrglee…

Donatello grimaced, clenching his teeth, and you already knew another explosion was about to happen soon. Hunger was extremely uncomfortable for this poor guy. He had so many painful memories attached to the feeling, memories of sickness and loneliness, and he never wanted to feel hungry again, but… this was entirely his own fault. And that made him even grumpier. The more he felt his stomach twisting and cramping inside him, the more he wanted to yell. You felt kind of concerned for the white sneakers in his hands – it looked like he was scrubbing them so hard they would burst into flames pretty soon.

“Are you sure you don’t want to take a quick breakfast break-“

“Yes. I’m sure. I’m almost done.”

Donatello rather said that to comfort himself… but his stomach wasn’t impressed. Another loud groan cut through the atmosphere, and he grunted audibly before ramming his fist into his own belly, making you flinch at the sight. Of course, it didn’t stop his organ from crying. Now it didn’t only scream, it also hurt even more.

“Don, I bought a cake, remember? Wouldn’t you like a slice?”

Finally, it seemed he was ready to give in. He leaned back with a sigh, and turned to face you. There was a defeated look in his eyes that made you want to smile… almost.

“Fine… Yes. One slice. … Please.”

Good! You were relieved to hear he’d changed his mind. You were quick to make your way to the kitchen… of course, you knew very well that a single slice wasn’t gonna cut it. Donatello was a big guy with a big appetite, and he deserved more cake. More cake meant more happiness, right? That’s at least the logic he would use. It was a bit hard to understand sometimes, but you respected it… and very soon, you returned to the living room with three slices of chocolate cake, and a cup of coffee. For a moment, he seemed to panic at the sight of the amount, but his appetite was bigger than his reason… very soon, there was an excited spark in his eyes.

“That looks great. Thanks.”

“Of course”, you nodded, but hesitated before handing the plate to him…

“Donnie…?”

He smirked a bit… you only called him Donnie when you wanted something.

“Yes?”

“Do you think I could feed you?”

Truthfully, Donatello wasn’t too happy about that… he was so hungry, he wanted to wolf the cake down as fast as he could, and he hated it when he lost control in a way, even if it just meant letting you feed him… but fine. Today, he wanted to make an exception. Good deeds also made people happier, right?

“Sure.”

Looks like you were in for a treat! Usually he didn’t like being fed very much. Gratefully, you took your seat next to him, and immediately held up a forkful of cake to his mouth; you didn’t want to make him wait any longer.

You watched Donatello’s lips part, and greedily close around the bite… he instantly seemed to be more relaxed as he chewed, even though you could still hear his empty stomach begging to be fed next to you. Well, as long as he didn’t punch it again… He swallowed quickly, not leaving you much room to enjoy yourself before he opened his mouth for more. Promptly, you held the next bite up to his lips, and he continued to barely chew and swallow the big chunks audibly… But he seemed relaxed now. The flavor and texture of the creamy chocolate was so comforting to him… even though his stomach didn’t seem too happy about it.

I’m hungry for real food. Real, healthy food with real, healthy vitamins. Not… this.

Once you reached the second slice, Donatello seemed to enjoy it less and less, eating slower and slower… The noise of his stomach begging for more had changed into a weird, high pitched gurgling… He didn’t seem to mind it at first, but then he turned his head away all of a sudden.

“Thanks. I’m done.”

“Are you sure? You still have half left.”

“Yes.”

His responses were to cool and quick, you felt something wasn’t right. Did the cake taste bad? He didn’t even touch his coffee yet either… But Donatello also didn’t go back to cleaning his shoes. He just sat there, with his eyes partly closed, and his hands trembling a bit. The part between his nose and lips suddenly looked a little sweaty…

“Are you okay…? Did you eat too fast?”

“I did NOT.”

Oh, right, that was a potential weakness.

But when you glanced at his belly, you immediately knew what was up. He looked bloated, as if his stomach were bulging out, and the intense, deep rumbles had changed into constant bubbling, making his insides sound like a boiling brew inside a witch’s cauldron. Sometimes you forgot that Donatello’s stomach was very sensitive… he had been starved and struggling to survive for pretty much all his youth, and despite his claims and fear of coming across as weak, he was generally a sickish young man…

“Your tummy hurts, doesn’t it…?”

“Don’t say-“

GLRRRRRGRLUURRRghhh…

“… T… Tummy… h-hurts…”

How quickly Donatello’s expression changed from upset to suffering, his head tilted back and his eyes pressed shut… Now you were sure you wouldn’t take no for an answer. You gently placed your hands on his middle, causing him to gasp and give you a bit of an ‘excuse me?’ face, but it soon faded as you began to massage his belly. His insides angrily continued to bubble and churn underneath your touch, you felt bad for feeding him so much sugar…

“Is that okay?”

“… Lower…”

You moved down to the soft spot right above his belly button, making him inhale sharply. Did that hurt too much? Concerned, you wanted to pull your hands away, but Donatello suddenly pushed his own hand against yours… His warm touch made you blush a little.

“That’s the spot…”, he whispered, trying to lean back and give you more room to work, but he found it awfully difficult to relax... His abs still felt rock hard under your fingers, like he was clenching his muscles and trying to not let anything through. Maybe he was scared of you accidentally hurting him, maybe he was scared of seeming weak.

“It’s okay, you can let me rub your tummy… I promise I won’t hurt you.”

“Don’t call it tummy, dammit… that’s so embarrassing! Are you five or something??”

You called it tummy earlier too, dumbass.

With a small sigh, you continued kneading his belly… of course you didn’t even ask if he would lift his shirt for you, that would probably embarrass him way too much anyway… But at least you could feel his tense muscles slowly softening up as you worked your magic. The churning from inside his gut felt even more intense on your skin now, but at least now you knew the massage would actually reach him properly. Donatello turned his head to the side now, facing away from you… he obviously didn’t want you to see his pleasured grimacing.

It’s not that he didn’t enjoy your affection or appreciate you… he was just not used to someone caring about him. He wasn’t used to someone wanting the best for him… it was so difficult to just let go of this tough boy façade he’d kept up for all these years. As much as he always said he deserved to be happy more than anyone else, it was hard to let himself be when he was so scared of being hurt again.

GrroOOOAAAaaan…

“Owww…”

“Shh… it’s okay…”

The softness in his voice caught you by surprise… had he ever really said ‘ow’ around you before? You could feel the air inside his stomach starting to shift, and the young man whimpered along with his agitated organs... he kind of reminded you of a little boy for a moment. Maybe he did feel like that little boy again, the one with pretty much constant stomach aches nobody ever cared about…

“UUUUAAAARRRRRRP!!”

That… caught you by surprise as well. The belch was so loud, it felt like it made his chest shake. The uncomfortable scent of stomach acid and chocolate began to spread, and Donatello’s head fell back with a blissful, relieved moan. His eyes almost rolled back even.

“Oh God, that’s better…”

Even though his insides were still gurgling, and small burps continued to shoot up his throat, it didn’t seem to hurt him anymore… it was seemingly all just normal digestion at this point. You couldn’t help but smile at that.

“I’m so glad!!”

“Mhhrrrp… ahh… please keep going…”

There it was, your favorite expression of his… that soft, relaxed smile when he was genuinely happy. It was so much prettier than the half-evil smirk he usually gave you. Now you finally dared to lift his shirt, and continued to rub his now exposed belly. Even though he opened one eye and looked at what you’re doing, Donatello quickly relaxed again this time, purring with bliss at the lovely massage.

“Mhhm… that feels sooo fucking good…”

“Good, good… just relax and enjoy it then~”

No need to tell him that… Donatello gently placed his own hand back on top of yours, and moaned out loud again as his belly groaned against your touch. How quickly his pained expression had changed into this look of utter bliss! You felt your cheeks growing red at the sound of his pleased moaning. That was much hotter than you liked to admit… just watching him squirm softly while you massaged him, gasping and sighing at the feeling.

“Lower please…”

“Hey, you can jerk off later”, you teased him.

“No, I mean… under my belly button… please…”

Fine… you didn’t mind that. But honestly… you wouldn’t mind jerking him off either…

#writing #commis

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12housescorpio · 5 years

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The signs stereotype vs how they actually are

Aries stereotype: violent, angry, loud, harsh, brass, immature

How Aries really are: to a point, their stereotype isn’t completely wrong. They come off as violent because they aren’t afraid to express their brutality as loudly and passionately as they see fit. But Aries also have a very noble, surprisingly wise and patient side to them. They don’t recognize when they’re being “too-much” or if other people are uncomfortable in anyway so they may seem rude but really they’re just in their own Aries bubble.

Taurus stereotype: obsessed with food, cozy, home bodies, aesthetic lovers, warm, soft patient, stubborn.

How Taurus really are: Taurus love money. Power. They are practical for sure and extremely good with money and adult related things, but they are extremely impatient when other people are not. Taurus are venusians so they love aesthetics the same way that libras do but the difference is that they want people to be the aesthetic, which can make them extremely superficial. They want themselves and the people around them to be beautiful and are often not comfortable unless those around them are attractive or at least dress nicely. They are very stubborn, but at the same time they are extremely open philosophically, they love hearing other people’s opinions and learning new things. They can be homebodies but mostly they just don’t wanna go anywhere out of their comfort zone. If they try something new it’s only after doing research that it will be fun for sure, due to their practicality.

Gemini stereotype: evil, two faced. (I haven’t really seen any other Gemini stereotypes aha)

How Gemini really are: Gemini’s are jumbled messes, they are notorious for being anxious, hyper, jittery, all over the place especially mentally, they have a high standard for the people they hang out with, they really want to surround themselves with interesting, funny and entertaining people. I by no means think that Gemini’s are evil anymore than I think any other sign are evil. I honestly don’t even know where that came from. As for two faced I don’t really see that either, they definitely won’t tell you what they’re thinking but that’s mostly because they don’t see a point in doing that, they’d rather just move on and hang out with other people if you upset them, but they’ll still be nice to you. They always have a lot of friend—they like to collect people.

Cancer stereotype: cuddly, emotional, motherly, kind.

How Cancer really are: very true they are easily the most emotional signs and they can definitely be cuddly and motherly, they can also have issues with being pathological liars, and having a victim mentality. While they have the potential to be the kindest, most thoughtful and understanding people you’ve ever met, they can also be vindictive, vengeful, secretive and manipulative. They can have issues with dependency on other’s for validation or just being near other people. Sometimes they can be guilt trippers, especially when it comes to being taken care of. They want to take care of other people, but if they don’t deal with their issues with needing other people, they can take care of other people with the intention of being taken care of in other ways or will kill themselves to take care of someone who doesn’t do anything for them or willingly stays in toxic situations because they don’t want to be alone. Can be suspicious, jealous and clingy.

Leo stereotype: courageous, brave, attention seekers, loud, all-about-me, spot light stealers.

How Leo really are: Leo’s are just less flashy, people pleasing Aries lmao. Leo’s are doers, they live for moments, and happiness. They love to make people laugh, they want everything to be perfect and because of this can be perfectionists. Extremely people pleasing, hates negativity and will actively ignore it which can lead to not dealing with problems that need to be dealt with. Can for sure be spot light stealers, but usually they don’t notice this and also love to make sure other people have the spotlight as well. They love moments, and are very sentimental at times. Can be selfish and self absorbed but can also be extremely kind and healing towards others. They inspire, uplift, support and direct others who need it.

Virgo stereotype: workaholics, snobby, loves homework and chores

How Virgo really are: the truth about Virgos is that they are fixers. They are constantly trying to improve things, fix things and do things in general. Depending on what placement the Virgo sign is in, the Virgo will be critical, and perfectionistic of that thing. So for example, Virgo risings will be critical and perfectionistic of how they are viewed and may be critical of how others appear as well. This deeply affects the Virgo if there are things they cannot make perfect within themselves or within their lives, they are constantly troubled by not being able to control the things around them which could be why they are stressed or nitpicky a lot. But this is not all they are. They also want to help, support and fix their friends problems, which is why they offer so much love and assistance. Sometimes this is unwanted, but it is truly how the Virgo expresses love.

Libra stereotype: airhead, indecisive, superficial, shopaholics

How Libra really are: I’ve spoken on why I think libras being airheads is just plain stupid, because they are literally the sign of law, government, analysis of decisions and all things equality. They are balance scales because they weigh the options. They want things to be fair, so they often play devils advocate. They see both sides. They are people pleasers, they want to do what’s best for everyone. They are excellent communicators and debators. They often have level headed opinions that are unique and unlike any other. Not to mention, there’s a reason that libras are part of the Air - triad. The air element represents analytic ability, communication and going with the flow. It’s true that libras love to surround themselves with aesthetics but in no way shape or form does that have anything to do with superficiality, they love all walks of life. It’s true they can absolutely be indesisive, but would you rather them rush into a decision that they end up not wanting to make? Exactly. Let them take their time.

Scorpio stereotype: evil, manipulative, vengeful, dark, brooding

How Scorpio really are: I could really go on and on with this subject. I’ve said a million times how much I hate the Scorpio stereotype, luckily it’s died down the past few years since I first started tumblr. Scorpios are by no means evil. Scorpios are understanding, loving, empathetic and misunderstood creatures. Just like EVERY water sign, Scorpios can get in their head and lash out. So can every other person on the planet. Scorpios are the rulers of over thinking, self reflecting, looking back on the past, putting patterns together and all that tends to apply to relationships especially since Scorpios tend to have rough childhoods and difficult past relationship—they develop trust issues. Either a Scorpio will enter a relationship with you and constantly pay too close attention to your body language (seeing if you’re going to pull some fuck shit) and they also tend to be destructive because Scorpios again, are the rulers of death and transformation (Pluto)

Sagittarius stereotype: adventurous, philosophical, bubbly, travelers, honest, cheaters, commitment phobs

How Sagittarius really are: honestly those stereotypes are pretty true lol the only thing I want to mention is that the honesty Sagittarius have isn’t necessarily your typical honesty. They choose what information to hide and which to choose. If you ask them out right they won’t lie to you, they might sugar coat it but usually they’ll tell you the blunt truth with a smile on their face. But they aren’t idiots, they know what’s going to upset people and what isnt, and they also know what information to get out of you and how to do it. All innocently, usually. Usually Sagittarius just wanna know the gossip. Although there are always bad eggs. Also, they aren’t commitment phobes, they just love to experience and have fun and go out and not be tied down, usually people don’t understand that so they choose not to date until they find someone who gets it.

Capricorn stereotype: workaholics, the sad version of the Virgo stereotype, sex obsessed, evil

How Capricorn really are: yeah I mean Capricorn’s are definitely ambitious and career focused, they don’t fuck w the bullshit of romance and tend to have an apathetic outlook. But no one ever talks about how moral and sarcastic Capricorn’s are. They’re so much more than just work-work-work I mean come on guys Capricorn is such a complex sign. Capricorn’s are sarcastic, extremely critical of others and themselves, they have high standards and feel that everyone should meet those standards especially themselves. They’re also SO fucking funny. They’re moral, always say exactly what’s on their mind (lowkey more honest than Sagittarius but you didn’t hear it from me) but tend to be pessimistic and sometimes down right cruel. They’re calculated, and logical.

Aquarius stereotype: cold, detached, obsessed with the occult. aLiEnS

How Aquarius really are: I really don’t think y’all have ever met an Aquarius. Aquarius are fun, full of life, and yes they adore the unknown and tend to be the most intuitive sign (next to Pisces) and they don’t fuck with close minded people. They love all things weird, eccentric, unique. They LOVE people. They are just intuitive enough to know who not to fuck with, even if they don’t know it’s their intuition. They can be detached only when they know they can’t trust someone, when they feel as though they can trust them, they let down all their walls are are the kindest, best friends you could possibly have. Aquarius are smart, funny and just plain the best. Enough said. Like there’s no other way to explain Aquarius other than better than you lmao

Pisces stereotype: innocent, weak, soft, emotional, pReCiOuS lItTlE bEaNs, psychic

How Pisces really are: completely capable of handling anything that comes their way, beautifully creative, intuitive, truly intuitive but it’s only because they’re stuck in the 5D and unable to see the 3D so they’re looking at people thru a distorted fishbowl, unable to see things how they really are. May see people as x when they’re really y. This is why they tend to see good people as bad or bad people as good. Or more commonly, innocent actions as malicious.

#aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #virgo #leo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #pisces #aquarius #astrology #textpost #zodiacs

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astrologysvt · 5 years

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Chart First Impressions: Joshua

For more SVT astrology posts, follow my blog! Check out my masterlist to see all the readings I’ve done so far and what I’ve got coming up! 💫

This is just a very general reading of the member’s charts — the parts that popped out to me, things I personally liked, things I thought were interesting or contrary to the image I have of them. I’m not looking at anything in particular with each reading. Some of their readings may be more aspect focused, where some may just focus solely on their personal planets and their signs. If you have any questions on specific aspects or want to request a more specific reading, feel free to send me an ask!

damn, that moon.

that moon is roooough.

lmao, this moon is a lot to unpack so it’s gonna take up this entire reading i’m sorry

with such an earthy and logical chart, it’s almost a good thing for him to have such an afflicted moon because otherwise the emotional and feeling part of himself would never be challenged or explored (unless imposed onto him externally)

but based on his chart, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s had a hard time understanding himself emotionally.

also considering that capricorns have a rep for being prone to difficulties with processing emotions healthily and consistently, I’m sure this is an area he has struggled with in some way shape or form.

or, if anything, an area in his life he has often had to take into extra account.

with so many hard aspects, confronting this part of his life is almost unavoidable if not the epicenter of his own personal development.

anyway, his moon square mercury & moon square uranus are constantly making him doubt his emotions. Not only does he struggle to understand them, but there is an inherent distrust of his emotions that he may struggle to overcome.

there is a constant questioning on whether to trust the mind or the heart.

inversely, his moon TRINE jupiter gives him a super bleeding and generous heart while his moon square neptune also makes him incredibly perceptive, sensitive, and intuitive.

moon in hard aspect to neptune not only heightens the intensity of his emotional responses, but he may experience a sense of delusion. He may struggle to understand what he’s feeling vs. what is actually happening. furthering this sense of emotional distrust within him.

additionally, he reacts intensely and notices so much, but his first reaction may be to invalidate.

his mind can’t trust his own intuition, while his intuition is skeptical of his mind’s pure logics.

his moon is square venus which would make it hard for him to understand how to express his affection, as well as figure out how to get his need for affection met.

this can manifest for a lot of people very differently.

sometimes that’d mean they seldom express affection as there simply isn’t a path for these feelings to be released.

with joshua, he may still express affection, it may just be a bit awkward, random, or forced sometimes. mainly because, again, it doesn’t just flow through him like it does for others and he may struggle in identifying when it’s needed.

other more emotionally intuitive members like wonwoo and dk may find themselves moving to comfort without even realizing, simply because they’re so in tune with the others they are just drawn to where their attention is needed.

more logical and practical members like joshua are still capable of offering this comfort, it just goes through a much more intellect driven filter. “is that person acting weird? why would they be upset? does that make sense? what could have happened? should i leave them alone? should i comfort them? hmmmm maybe I should ask. maybe i’m making it all up.”

and for joshua in particular, learning how to shorten that process is a mixture of getting to know the people he loves and studying their habits, as well as learning to trust his gut more and more.

his moon square venus also creates a conflict between his own emotional needs, and the needs of others. this can make him a people pleaser, a yes-man, a serial romantic.

he may struggle to identify when a situation is no longer serving him and when to step away.

in different stages of his life he may struggle to leave or move on from relationships, and on the other side of the spectrum he may find himself being that “serial romantic.” this can greatly depend on how his other aspects manifest.

his taurus moon square capricorn mars also heightens his emotional responses and could potentially lead to boiling/explosive anger.

this would simultaneously trigger his softer, sensitive, nurturing parts of himself that would hate those reactions while further fueling his self-distrust.

we can also look at this in the more literal aspects of these planets.

his desire to act (mars) is fighting for dominance with his emotions (moon), which can very unevenly distribute the emotionally-charged and turbulent energies that can arise in moments of discord.

both his moon and mars are in earth signs which can mean he experiences long periods where he is totally fine and very reasonable. they’re both very stable, down-to-earth, and mellow signs and can often find areas of understanding and agreement with each other even though they’re in this hard aspect.

a taurus moon seeks comfort and familiarity which keeps his cap mars in a easy place where it isn’t challenged very often.

the issue is, is that taurus can be much more easily provoked than a cap mars can. a cap mars can be cool and collected, even in moments of anger where as a taurus moon can 100% blow up if pushed too far, made too uncomfortable, or are challenged too much.

where taurus may decide “that’s enough i’ve had it” a capricorn may simply file it away to be attended to later and more strategically.

and with that, his cap mars HATES being at his taurus moon’s mercy when provoked. this is something that his cap influence would be very frustrated with as he’d much more comfortably depend on his own internal stability than external forces while his taurus moon can’t help but feel flustered by certain things.

this is why the members consider him a TERRIFYING person to see angry.

he is so calm and collected for so long thanks to both of these signs, but this aspect creates a tension where his capricorn mars tries to censor his taurus moon and which further activates his taurus moon’s super indignant and headstrong attitude/frustration.

and once his cap mars decides he’s had enough i can see it playing out in one of two ways.

1) he’s trigger happy, super frustrated and cannot hide it. either he becomes visually upset or he starts getting short with people over the smallest things

2) he continues to boil until one person steps out of line, and from there you get a perfectly compiled list of reasons why you shouldn’t have done that specific thing and also what everyone else is doing wrong.

but to put it simply, i watched a lot of joshua angry videos and compilations and i didn’t see even a hint of ACTUAL joshua anger (at least what i’d expect from his chart)

he’s super controlled with it on the day to day and is incredibly composed, which is why he is such a scary guy if you piss him off. it’s so unexpected and sooooooo much more deeper and intense than you ever could have predicted.

this can tend to be a very discouraging habit for him as he has two parts of his personality that intrinsically HATE when he has outbursts or even feeeeels anger to that degree.

one being his earth and cap influences that hate the feeling of losing control.

and two being his softer aspects i mentioned before like his moon trine jupiter and moon square neptune.

because he has this super soft and empathetic side to him, he probably feels immense guilt in the aftermath of his outbursts and can create this series of events where he finally gets these things off his chest, and then immediately backs away from them because, once the negative feelings have been released, his resolve dramatically lessens.

not only that, but his judgement on when and when not to act is inhibited due to this moon square mars so he may end up getting mad at the wrong people at the wrong time.

and the unfortunate thing about all of this is that joshua really doesn’t have a clear path of expression in his chart when it comes to the more turbulent and moody aspects of our personalities thanks to this afflicted moon.

these emotions boil inside of him, both good and bad, and they go every which way to try and find some kind of release.

often times, especially when he was younger, he may have found that he wasn’t comfortable expressing them in any specific way so eventually they’d just explode one way or another.

this may have made him appear much more unpredictable, impulsive, and hot-headed than he actually inherently is.

so if you had told me he had a rebellious streak as a kid i’d totally believe you.

often times earth signs with this kind of energy end up doing some stupid things as kids simply to exert control over themselves to counterbalance the instability they may be experiencing internally.

if you know someone similar who has mellowed out over the years, that’s because they had gotten to know themselves and found different ways of expressing their emotions and exerting control.

but this is were i really really gotta put a huge disclaimer because i don’t know joshua, i can only look at his mannerisms, the things he says, and generally just try and read his energy through videos and how he acts in a group.

i think these are fun things to consider but i would never treat this reading as fact unless he were to, for some wild reason, validate it.

but lets wrap this up because this is getting long.

the funny thing with moon placements is they all kind of hint towards a strong influence on the part of a mother or a nurturing “motherly” figure in general.

the nature of the influence can be determined based on if the relationship with this mother-figure is either good, bad, or absent (though we know it’s not absent and is pretty clearly a positive influence for him).

if it’s bad, he may resent this part of himself that’s so hyper aware of his emotional shortcomings.

if it’s good, then these aspects are far easier to deal with and — in certain situations — can be entirely nulled.

but most importantly, if neither of those, he’d at least be able to find value in them.

obviously these things are more nuanced than that, but these are some of the few ways you can interpret such a strong emphasis on the moon.

so many hard aspects in his moon have activated and created awareness of himself that may have remained dormant and unexplored.

i’m only using depression as an analogy (I don’t know joshua’s life) but it’s very similar to explaining your depression to someone who has had similar experiences before vs someone who hasn’t.

sure, someone who hasn’t can understand the gist but they wont understand the severity and they wont understand the nuance.

thanks to Joshua’s afflicted moon, after a lot of growth and time, he will inherently be able to understand the nuance of other people’s emotions as well as his own.

#seventeen #svt #joshua hong #hong jisoo #joshua #lmao i promise there are more uplifting joshua readings to come #that moon was just so wild tho it had to take a whole post

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nightshade-zoe · 5 years

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Thoughts while rewatching 3x07

Sorry for the long post

Also I’m incapable of rewatching up through the first scene with Josie but

-I am glad there’s no time jump. I understand why everyone would criticize Anne but I’m tired of her constantly being put down despite having the best of intentions. Also it bothers me the dynamic between Ms. Stacy and Gilbert was “why couldn’t you talk some sense into her” Though at the same time she knows they have a deep connection. ***I realize now she meant “you” as in the class.

-I appreciate that Anne stood her ground against Marilla. Also that Marilla had a moment where she considered what Anne was saying. It reminded me of Marilla when Anne first goes to school and she’s wishing she’d had choices.

-FUCK JOSIE’S PARENTS

-The character growth of Prissy was excellent. She was a beautiful combination of biting retorts and cool logic. You can see her words have an impact both on her mother and Billy so I’m looking forward to seeing how that plays out in later episodes.

-I am a bit confused on why Anne made Josie’s situation worse aside from embarrassing her further. Because Jane already said her reputation was ruined and the engagement was off last episode so it’s not like Anne’s article caused either of those two things. Yes, being used as a scapegoat would hurt, but the fact Gilbert attacked her for “ruining a girl’s life” seems like much. It was Billy who did that. I am still so incensed Gilbert never apologized even if he technically realizes it was Billy who started this.

-I appreciate that Diana and Anne’s friendship is where they can call each other out. It’s an interesting parallel though that when Diana is angry with Anne, Anne heeds her advice. Yet later, when Anne calls Diana out for her treatment of Jerry, Diana just defends herself.

-Josie has a right to be angry. I understand that it’s a realistic dynamic where two girls are sort of friends but one can be mean however it’s unacceptable to me people keep expecting Anne to make things right and be nice with Josie who apparently has been calling Anne trash still. It’s not okay and I’m not okay with how not even Diana has stopped this.

-It would’ve been more powerful if Anne had said “Gilbert, I did try to talk to everyone about it yesterday but you shut me down” instead of attacking him for believing in equality because that was his mistake. He also never actually admits this mistake. It’s an interesting point though about how him bartering for a parcel of land given we didn’t see Gilbert and Winnie interact at the fair really. We saw Winnie’s father offer Gilbert connections to the Sorbonne.

-“before this room spontaneously combusts” cough foreshadowing

-Okay I’m glad for this Ms. Stacy/Anne dynamic. It was a beautiful balance of commending and explaining where Anne went wrong. I did really think Anne was going to mention Josie called her trash though. Side note, I know Anne is banned from the paper and the press is gone but I have a suspicion we will see one more article from her that will actually be impactful.

-It was incredibly poignant to have Mrs. Lynde who most of the time never shuts up and who criticized Anne as soon as she saw the article begin to feel the impact and necessity of the words. Also they focused on the cigar so much like wow props to that foreshadowing.

-Good pop culture reference here with Frankenstein. Diana was rather cruel but it’s been foreshadowed in her initial recoil at the hay on Jerry’s jacket and how she used Jerry’s family, despite their poverty, as an adventure she could slip on for size. I don’t think she’s being malicious though just sighs Jerry’s face. I also think they’re trying to depict unintentional toxicity in relationships and/or being physically attracted to someone but not having feelings.

-YES MS. STACY GO OFF. Also Matthew is the most unproblematic male ever. Also I love how it’s being framed as a learning experience for Marilla too.

-also “what’s next? An ode to cigars?” Cough cough foreshadowing

-I’m super upset on Anne’s behalf but I’m also glad this screaming isn’t for anything as dire as was predicted. Also the poetic justice of her using something Billy destroyed to defend the voiceless. W.R.I.T.

-Um excuse me Moody. Also good on Gilbert for realizing who the actually villain in this story is. I appreciate how this scene is done, showing the importance of male allies while also giving the credit and words to Anne. Also that rather than looking at the article is a whole, Gilbert is taking bits of it that are easier for everyone to swallow and realize they don’t disagree with.

-It is frustrating though he won them over with well reasoned logic but the same couldn’t be said for Prissy.

-I love the parallel of the girls rushing up to Anne and Gilbert smiling. She totally knows he defended her. Also I stan Ruby saying she knows her mind best and also glaring at Moody to agree with jeez

-Ruby saying oh good/Anne having a plan reminds me of Ruby going but you’re NEVER out of plans and also Anne knowing how to save Ms. Stacy.

-Also the music while Gilbert is speaking is the same as when Ms. Stacy defended herself at the town hall.

-The barn scene clowned us butttt Gilbert you’ve got a paint can in front of you. Why do you have to lean over Anne ;)

-Anne said both parties must have feelings and Diana looks stressed hmmm I think they’re going for having physical attraction vs feelings towards someone

-Once again Josie calls Anne trash but this was very well said by Anne. It’s also interesting she says that only you can define your self worth when we saw her last episode question whether anyone could ever love her and this episode question whether her best friend looked down on her :-/

-Josie is totally going to the protest though.

-JERRY AND ANNE . . . Oh no. I love that Anne is really looking out for him. The dialogue is confusing because Anne’s like you have a girl?? And it’s not till later Jerry is like “wait she didn’t tell you”

-I love love love the parallel of Josie taking off her hair ribbons with last season when we first saw them.

-Billy is so abusive like he’s trying to frame this as I still like you despite what you did and just come back to me and everything will be okay. Good on Josie for rejecting him. He clearly took to heart what Prissy said about him having power but not that he’s the one at fault.

-I stan supportive Matthew always always always saying they should let Anne be happy and live a full life and reach her full potential

-Oof the Dianne fight. Once again objects have a lot power. “If you were my friend you would understand” feels like “if I could take it all back I would”

-I’m getting the feeling Diana is just very physically attracted to Jerry and is confused because she thinks that physical attraction and feelings should be the same but aren’t in her case which Anne doesn’t get because she thinks the same way. Anne was right to call her out on her behavior towards Jerry but also/probably will eventually hear Diana’s side of the story. Also yikes at her thinking Diana is going to ditch her.

-I feel like one of my issues with this season of AWAE is that they’re trying to present a ton of relatable teenage experiences but they all get colored by Anne’s past trauma and struggles with self-worth. Fighting with her mother isn’t just a small disagreement, it’s her struggling to remember/figure out if she was/is loved. Having a crush becomes, I just wanted to believe someone could love me that way. Fighting with her best friend is, I’m an orphan who will never be good enough for her. But the fact that her experiences are being tinted this way is never addressed by her or anyone on the show.

-On that note the way Diana says “here we go again Anne Shirley and her tragical tale of woe” bothers me. Has this been an issue before? Is Diana just upset because she feels she has valid problems too, which is very true? Does she not believe Anne? She says “a true story at last”. I never got the sense Anne talked much or at all about her childhood to Diana.

-This is too painful to watch but also they are both so dramatic both when blowing kisses goodbye and fighting that I wouldn’t be shocked if it blows over next episode. I absolutely fought with my best friend like this when I was sixteen only for both of us to call each other sobbing in apology two days later.

-Prissy ❤️❤️ You can see her mother is thinking about what she’s saying. Also I know Jane is under huge backlash right now but I think it’s important that this was included as it’s a perspective a lot of women, even in those that I know, that intelligence and feminism aren’t connected and sometimes those who are privileged can’t see why sexism is an issue

-Gilbert: “just a suggestion not telling you what to do” seemed like a growth in his understanding of Anne

-I loved the little moment between Prissy and Anne showing how they’ve evolved. It was Anne who originally started the scandal about Prissy but they’ve both matured so much and united and ahhh it’s perfect.

-Marilla waving the handkerchief is beautiful. Also the little glance Ruby and Tilly give each other when Anne mentions Diana won’t be joining them.

-THIS MUSIC IS MY FAVORITE MUSIC IN THE SERIES. It’s the hot air balloon music except layered with more instruments.

-I called the freedom of speech AHHHH Good on Josie for taking a stand. Anne smiling at Gilbert reminds me once again of the time they saved Ms. Stacy

-The minister only tries to take boards from the girls.

-That photograph is absolutely going to come back.

-I love the growth of Rachel and Marilla. Rachel crying because this has an impact on her. That proud look matthew gives Marilla for speaking up.

-Also like how did Gilbert rip that paper so perfectly it’s so hard.

-the last frame of this scene is the cigar smoking guy really why didn’t I see this coming the first time

-I love that they have Prissy and Josie talking.

-Also while I perpetually wish we’d seen more of Muriel/Anne that hug was everything.

-Ah I’d missed Gilbert staring longingly at Anne. While he clearly has feelings this season there haven’t been any moments of him just watching her in awe.

-where is this music on the porch from I’ve heard it before someone help

-the spelling. The throwback. The glances of longing. THE MOONLIGHT. The realization they work together well and care about each other deeply and have run out of “misunderstandings”

-Anne did nothing wrong here, as far as she knows, he’s dating Winnie. BUT I am glad we have finally visibly seen Gilbert looking conflicted about there being two girls. And he couldn’t drink his tea.

-They really stole the printing press. I guess the title was “a strong effort of the spirit of good” which fails both in Frankenstein and I guess now also here

-the music overlay is the same as when Anne comes back from Charlottetown terrified of the grifters and grabs marillas hand in 2x03

-really they burned the schoolhouse? Do we have time for this?

#awae spoilers #anne with an e spoilers #anne shirley cuthbert #long post warning #feel free to add things

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precuredaily · 5 years

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Precure Day 164

Episode: Yes! Precure 5 16 - “Komachi Abandons Being a Novelist!?” Date watched: 8 December 2019 Original air date: 20 May 2007 Screenshots: https://imgur.com/a/5aTOPye Transformation Gallery: https://imgur.com/a/6k6SzS0 Project info and master list of posts: http://tinyurl.com/PCDabout

honestly this is true

Oh Nuts, what have you done? You’ve gone and hurt Komachi’s feelings with your bluntness and now all the other girls are upset at you. Meanwhile, Despariah has started making moves in Nightmare. How wil this end for our heroines?

The Plot

Komachi shares a draft of her novel, Pirate Hurricane with the other girls, and they all love it. Coco suggests she have Nuts read it, because he’s a voracious reader and might offer some good feedback. However, he returns and says he doesn’t understand what she was trying to say with the story and if the author has to explain the meaning, then it’s not very good. Okay he actually says “It’s worthless as a book.” Harsh. This upsets Komachi and she leaves for the day, while the other four scold Nuts for his rudeness. He maintains that he didn’t do anything wrong by giving his asked-for opinion, and feels no need to apologize. However, Coco can tell that he’s angry at himself for hurting her and wants to make amends.

Over in Nightmare HQ, a meeting between Bunbee, Arachnea, and Kawarino gets interrupted by Despariah herself, making her first full appearance:

She explains that the Palmier Kingdom should be in despair, but they cling to hope because of the Dream Collet, so they need to crush Precure, retrieve the collet, plunge the kingdom into despair, and then she will be satisfied.

The next day, Nuts receives a visitor at his shop: a tall girl riding a motorcycle who looks like an older Komachi. This is Akimoto Madoka and she has come to deliver some mamedaifuku from their shop at the behest of her younger sister, Komachi. Some banter between him and the other girls clues Madoka into what’s going on, and she takes Nuts’s side, explaining that Komachi is the type to sulk after having her feelings hurt, and that if she can’t handle this level of criticism, she won’t make it as an author. Nozomi, Karen, Rin, and Urara take objection to this, insisting that she’s really talented, can improve her writing with hard work and practice, that she resembles the main character in her story who never gives up, and that she can pull through because her feelings are that strong. Madoka says she’ll pass that encouragement on, but Nuts asks to go see her in person, so she brings him to the Akimoto residence and summons her sister.

Their reunion is awkward and Komachi berates her own work and herself for daring to feel happy about it. Nuts tries to encourage her by saying “Are your dreams so worthless that you’d sell them away for nothing!?” which is not a particularly helpful statement. The other four girls emerge from the bush they were hiding in to chew out Nuts again, and he tries to explain that he’s not mad at her, but before he can explain himself, they all get sucked into the pages of Komachi’s manuscript. They awaken on the deck of the pirate ship in the story, as Arachnea taunts that they’re all going to drown at sea and it will be an unhappy ending. She creates a Kowaina out of the ship’s mast and rigging, and the girls transform. However, the monster is very fast and manages to tie them up in ropes and thrash them around, flinging them into walls and floors and even the water. Mint blames herself for creating this world, but Nuts says she should be angry at being used, and that nothing will change if she just blames herself. He reiterates that she’ll improve at writing if she keeps practicing. Arachnea isn’t interested in this conversation and the monster whips around again, causing Nuts to drop the Dream Collet. He hurries to retrieve it but Arachnea lunges towards him at breakneck speed. It doesn’t look good... until Mint jumps in and retrieves him at the last second!

She insists that her story is not a tragedy and she determines what the ending is! She blocks Arachnea and the Kowaina with Mint Protection, Dream kicks at her while Lemonade uses Lemonade Flash to distract her, Rouge binds the Kowaina in its own ropes, and Aqua uses Aqua Stream to destroy the monster! Arachnea beats a retreat while muttering that the story is lame.

When they return to Komachi’s house, Nuts tells her that her story has lots of room for improvement, but he likes the main character, finds the idea good, and says that she can bring out the story’s potential if she keeps polishing it. Komachi vows to rewrite her story and invites Nuts to read her next draft.

The Analysis

The core of this episode is about how to deliver and respond to criticism. Nuts may be well-meaning in his remarks but his tone is very curt and tactless. Komachi takes his comments deeply personally and feels that she is a failure as an author. The reality is that, as an aspiring author, Komachi needs to get used to criticism, and that critique of a work isn’t inherently an outright condemnation of the work or the author. Since this is evidently her first attempt at writing a more serious work than a school essay, it’s inevitable that there are going to be a lot of problems structurally, narratively, in the pacing, tone, etc. Her peers all find her work to be good, because they’re not used to picking apart more long-form and complicated stories, but their praise makes her overconfident, and that’s when Nuts comes along and tears her down. I can completely understand why she’s hurt. I know I’ve poured my heart out in writing before only for it to come back marked up to hell and have lots of comments about flow, redundancy, and things like that. Having your hard work torn apart like that can hurt. But when done right, it’s a necessary part of helping you to improve your skills. At the end, Komachi realizes that her work has value and takes ownership of it, refusing to let Arachnea dictate the ending for her, which I love.

That’s another note: Nuts, at the start, was not being a very good critic. He basically said “It’s bad and I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish.” He didn’t give her much guidance on what to improve, and he didn’t really recognize this until confronted. He knew he hurt Komachi, he wanted to make amends, and during the climax he was able to say “If you keep practicing, you’ll get better at writing” and finally at the end he told her aspects of the story that he liked, and areas she could improve upon. That’s how you go about criticism, and that’s what I try to do in my reviews is to say “I didn’t like this because X and I think it would be better if Y.” Sometimes I may not have a better idea, but I’ll at least try to justify my dislike. Nuts has to fight his own visceral reactions in order to help Komachi improve as a writer, and that represents growth for him. He cares about people, he’s just bad at showing it, and Nuts and Komachi’s relationship through these two seasons will be another big one to explore and watch develop. I like his body language throughout. He keeps his arms crossed or in his pockets, he’s usually looking down, he knows he screwed up but he’s too proud to admit it. At the end when he finally talks to her and gives her positive feedback, he can’t look her in the eyes, because he’s still embarrassed, but his eyes are pointed up. It’s progress.

Next order of business is Akimoto Madoka. She looks a lot like her younger sister, which is to be expected, but she’s taller, has a fuller figure, has lighter colored hair, and her hairstyle is more practical than Komachi’s mullet, as Madoka just wears a typical bob cut.

Madoka has a very easy-going personality, really embodying the “cool older sibling” trope. She’s first introduced riding a motorcycle, and she instantly bonds with Nozomi and co, while being unphased by Nuts’s initial rudeness. She is very astute and quickly picks up on the strife between Nuts and Komachi. The only time she seems to get at all upset is when the gang is making a big commotion, and that’s because they all got sucked into Komachi’s story. She serves as a good foil for her somewhat timid sister, and knows how to push her in the right direction. She’s an enjoyable character who I’d like to see recur. I believe she makes a few subsequent appearances but I don’t remember how often, so we’ll experience that together.

Let’s change sides and talk about Nightmare! This is our first full look at Despariah, and wow is she something. She wears a white mask resembling a traditional Japanese doll, her long golden hair is styled in an edo fashion, shaped like a fan with four tendrils emerging from gem on her forehead, and two side locks that come down to her waist. She wears a dark colored dress with a kimono collar, and huge shoulder pads. Her shoulders are extremely broad while her waist is very narrow, giving her inhuman proportions. She commands your attention and you can tell she’s in charge. There’s still some mystery to her appearance even here, because she’s only seen sitting at her desk, and most of the time she’s distorted by the effect of the screen she’s displayed on within Nightmare HQ.

brutal

I appreciate how she cut into the corporate bickering and explained, in no uncertain terms, where the problem was with their operation, despite having already conquered the Palmier Kingdom and supposedly plunging them into despair. Bunbee needs some hand-holding to follow her logic, but it comes down to defeating Precure and retrieving the Dream Collet so she can gain immortality and crush the hope of the rest of the world. She means business.

Arachnea’s plan this round was pretty inspired, especially compared to some of her lesser hits like luring the girls into the sewer for no reason. Sucking them all into Komachi’s book and using her own created world against her? That’s twisted! And she really hammers in the idea that she is in control of the narrative now and they’re all going to drown, trying to attack Komachi’s self esteem at the same time as literally attacking her. I respect that, in the sense that you respect a good villain plot, because it’s better than pure physical attacks. Also there’s a moment, where Arachnea sees the Dream Collet on the ground, that she LUNGES and it’s pretty incredible.

All of these elements combine to make another fantastic episode. I had forgotten just how strong the first half of Yes 5 was, and I’m really glad to be revisiting it for this project. They’re doing a good job at balancing out a lot more main characters than in previous shows, even if it’s at the cost of memorable supporting characters. However, there’s room for diversity in this franchise, so a different spin on the idea is fine. It’s working very well so far, after all!

Next tine on Precure Daily, Rin has a crush! Also it’s time to sell a Precure-branded toy that otherwise has absolutely nothing to do with the show. Look forward to it?

Pink Precure Catchphrase Count: 1 Kettei!

#Precure #Pretty Cure #Yes! Precure 5 #YPC516 #PCD164

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thetearlingqueen · 5 years

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Rowland Finn as a Villian

I have read some criticism of how Rowland Finn was written as a villain, that he was lacking depth and motivation and that he falls flat and is disappointing as the “big bad”. And while I think this is a valid criticism and I think it’s more than fair to think that I’d like to offer my thoughts on his character and his role as a villain. Rowland Finn has blurry motivations, he isn’t as well developed as I know myself would have liked and I think we the readers are ultimately left with more questions than answers by the end of the series. I think for a lot of us this was frustrating but this is exactly why I like Rowland Finn as a Villian. Because he is all these things, not because it makes him a different type of Villian but it makes him that much more relevant to us, the readers and therefore at least for myself- more terrifying. Rowland Finn clearly mirrors a type of real-life “villain” we face today in first world countries. He is to me, the mass shooter, the spree killer the political terrorist that we face far too often. His mindset clearly mimics the mindsets of the young men who commit these acts of violence, and the frustrating parts of his character are the same things we find frustrating as we try to figure out why these spree killings happen in the wake of tragedy.

Long post broke down into chunks under the cut

Sense of Superiority:

Rowland Finn is bright and gifted as a child, he shows a lot of potentials but pretty early on we see how he views the other children, as beneath him. We know from Kate that this never changes, it grows stronger. He thinks of himself as above everyone else, smarter than everyone else. In this small culture he lives in he feels like he is different, special and cannot or perhaps refuses to relate to his peers. I often see him referred to as a spoiled brat (which yeah) and that’s why he isn’t a good villain. But his spoiled superior mentality to me makes him more of a villain. These are the traits we see in the likes of Elliot Rogers, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. We now know that the narrative of the beaten and bullied losers getting revenge is false, all three of these men had a sense of superiority. They were entitled to better and they were above everyone else, yes even Dylan and Eric. In fact, it is more accurate to say that they were bullies, rather than the bullied. They just weren’t popular bullies.

Misogyny :

Rowland Finn also displays his views on women, which are misogynistic. He plays with their emotions, knowing he’s desired he enjoys not giving them his full attention. And when they fight over him, I think he probably finds it amusing. But of course, when he wants his sexual needs met he takes advantage of their interest in him. He uses them when he wants to, and disregards them whenever he feels. I think it’s fair to say he regards women as sexual objects. If this isn’t the case then I think he’d fall into the group of people who classifies women into two strict groups, “good women” and “whores”. Whether he sees all women as objects or he sees them in two distinct groups this is a view shared by many serial killers and spree killers. A very black and white view of women is pretty standard for the type of people I feel Row represents.

Home Life:

His home life is not picture-perfect, but it isn’t terrible either. His father is present in his life and his mother clearly has social and/or mental health issues. She’s desperate, obsessive and overbearing. But she isn’t evil, nor is she to blame for his actions. Toxic? Probably but many people have much more trying home lives and childhoods. I don’t think any family is perfect but that being said people survive much worse and they go on to thrive later in life. A lot of the serial killers of the 60′s and 70′s describe having overbearing mothers and sometimes even blame this for the later actions. While I don’t think this is an excuse at all it is interesting to note, and a very obvious parallel to our reality. He’s angry and upset about his home life, irritated with his mother but instead of trying to improve his family relationship by reaching out to his father, half brother and mother he would rather let these issues fester and grow. To him it is easier to detest his family and resent them instead of realizing family isn't easy, love is difficult, relationships are difficult. Family relationships are no exception, he isn’t in an overly abusive household where this wouldn’t be an option. My interpretation is that he wants them to fix it, not himself. He shouldn’t have to, because it’s not his fault and he is well, himself.

Blurry Motivations:

Rowland never outright says why he does what he does, nor is it perfectly clear to the readers. And again I think this is frustrating for us as the readers but is all too common with real life crimes and mass killings. I think it’s extremely frustrating when we see serial killers and spree shooters describe their crimes after they have been apprehended and they say things such as “I don’t know why, I just did it,” or “I just wanted to do it,” and that’s the closest we get to an answer. In some cases these are obvious lies to cover up premeditation but not always. We have cases where it seems like people who just seem to lose it and decide they want to hurt people and maybe that will make it better or gratify something within them. I think of Brenda Ann Spencer who only said: “I don’t like Mondays” after opening fire at an elementary school. She had been suffering abuse but it wasn’t her abuser she attacked she lashed out at people she didn’t even know and children. We have cases where spree killers describe feeling like being in a trance but cannot come up with a logical explanation or excuse for why they wanted to do that. It’s frustrating for us as a society, we want to find a reason for everything and figure everything out, because not knowing is so scary. And I think Rowland Finn’s blurry messy motivations are similar to this.

A Modern Villian:

Rowland Finn represents a growingly dangerous type of killer in our society, at least here in the USA. Angry young men who feel entitled to better despite not trying to improve themselves or the world around them. They want to be above the rest of us, incels, mass shooters, serial killers all have these characteristics. And the mass shootings caused by these skewed disturbing views seem to be getting more and more frequent and “random”, to the point where even shopping at a Walmart can make you a target for an angry entitled incel or revenge thirsty young man who feels we have withheld from him the life he deserves. And the rest of us, with empathy and reason, are not real people we are objects to blame for these young men not getting the lives they want. And then we are further blamed for not helping enough when these people, like Row Finn refuse to help themselves. I think Rowland Finn despite the flaws in his portrayal and the frustrating questions he raises is a good representation of the type of villain that is becoming most relevant and to me, most terrifying. He represents a modern villian.

What do you think of Row Finn? Do you like him? Hate him? How about how he is written? I’d love to hear your thoughts, do you agree or disagree with my own thoughts on him? let me know and stay safe.

#queen of the tearling #invasion of the tearling #fate of the tearling #erika johansen #rowland finn #theory #analysis #writing discussion

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softjeon · 6 years

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Cinnamon and fairy dust | Pt. 5

• Pairing: elf!Jungkook x Taehyung • Genre: Fluff (with a little bit of angst) | elf!AU ( → Gifset Trailer) • Words: 6,9k | Co-Writer: Cat @cassiavioletblue • Disclaimer: mentioning of violence / smut

↳ There are no things such as fairy tales, magical reindeers that could fly, fairies and Christmas elves - at least Taehyung believed so. But everything was about to change, when Jungkook offered him shelter from a snowstorm and a sweet, hot cocoa, wondering about the boy who hated Christmas so much. Nothing that a bit of fairy dust couldn’t fix, right?

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Kim Taehyung hated Christmas. As a child it always had been full of wonders and nowadays he hated the social deception, Christmas music, spending way too much money on presents for people he didn’t even really care about - until today. When he stood close by Jungkook, the fairies flying around them happily, Taehyung felt like in a dream each time. He loved his smile, his laugh, his ability to make people happy with the smallest of gestures. Jungkook was pure and everything Taehyung wanted.

Leaning against the wall, Taehyung watched Jungkook packing away a cake, wrapping a beautiful bow around the box as he flashed the man in front of him the most precious smile. Taehyung almost had stumbled over to kiss him again, when an annoyed voice shook him out of his stupor.

“No…no, that’s not how I ordered it!” He said grumpily, pointing at the décor of the cake, “Can’t you do a simple task? The old bakery always just did it, just like I ordered it. If I say I want something extra…then you can put some extra shit on it. I won’t pay for more!”

Jungkook's smile fell and he looked completely shook. “Oh! I’m so sorry if I made a mistake. What was it that you ordered? I’m sure I can fix it in a minute, if that’s okay?” The man was one of the last customers of the day and he had made plans with Tae (that’s why the other was already waiting for him to close the bakery) but if he had accidentally ruined someone’s cake by using the wrong decoration then of course he would do everything to fix it. Apologizing again he quickly opened the box to see what he would need to change.

“Forget it kid,” He huffed in an annoyed tone and looked the other up and down. The customer almost threw the money over the counter, mumbling something about the baker, before he closed the door with a loud noise.

Taehyung was shaking with anger, ready to fight him as soon as Jungkook would tell him to. “It was perfect,” He gritted through his teeth as he stomped over to the door of the shop, closing it and turning around Jungkook’s sign that said ‘closed’ now. “Is he always like that?” Taehyung turned towards Jungkook, opening his arms for the younger to get into his embrace, “It’s Christmas…god damn it, show some respect!” Taehyung was still shaking from the anger.

Jungkook wasn’t angry at all just a little sad that the customer hadn’t let him fix his ‘mistake’, it had completely gotten over his head that the man had just started this to yell at him for no other reason than him being an ass and that there wasn’t anything that Jungkook had done wrong.

Therefore, he also didn’t get why Tae was so angry. “What do you mean? You don’t like Christmas either, do you? And… yes, he’s a little grumpy but I would be upset as well if someone didn't make the cake as I had ordered it. I just... I can’t explain how that could happen, I always write down the customers wishes right away. Maybe I mixed it up with someone else’s order?” The elf looked horrified at the thought of making another customer unhappy.

Taehyung pulled Jungkook into his arms and kissed him on his hair, before he answered. “Yeah, yeah, I hate Christmas, too but still…at least pretend,” Taehyung shrugged his shoulders, before he hooked a finger underneath the elf’s chin and kissed him sweetly. “He was just an ass, honestly. Probably had a bad day and took it out on you,” He explained and sighed, before turning Jungkook in his embrace but not letting him go. Tae was clinging onto the younger like a koala, pursing his lips into a pout, “Now…don’t think about him again…and clean up. I didn’t bring my tablet to watch movies alone.”

Jungkook cocked his head, not really sure if he agreed with Tae’s logic. Wasn’t pretending a lot like lying? However, if he was totally honest than pretending to be a human with hiding his ears was some form of lying as well so he probably shouldn’t judge other forms of pretense that easily. He listened to Tae carefully and then nodded, hurrying off to clean the counters and put the cupcakes, sweets and cookies away. He just needed to do the absolutely necessary stuff as he would come back here before sunrise to prepare everything for another day of selling Christmas goods laced with magic.

But the best part was, seeing Taehyung waiting for him with the biggest smile on his face. The older had prepared his tablet, arranged the cushions more comfortable for them to cuddle on the mattress. While Jungkook was hurrying into the bathroom, to take a quick shower and get off all the flour from a busy day, Taehyung had prepared a warm cup of tea and a few snacks. “It’s starting,” He said, munching on some sweets, when he held out his hand for Jungkook to take pulling him right beside him. Taehyung kissed Jungkook’s ears, as he settled into his embrace, leaning back against his chest. He loved to do it and sometimes. Just like now…he was kissing them a lot…nibbling sweetly on them, all while Taehyung couldn’t get enough of Jungkook’s soft skin.

Jungkook loved what he called ‘being human’ with Tae, watching movies with actors he absolutely didn’t know, snacking on all of Tae’s favorite things (the older had made it his mission to introduce him to the world of late-night-snacking which was a completely new thing for Jungkook considering he could live off fruits and nuts only, even less if he needed) and of course: Cuddling.

At first, he had needed to get used to all the skin ship, getting overwhelmed by it easily but now he didn’t know how he had ever managed to get by without it. It was relaxing and calming and making him as warm and fuzzy inside as if he had drunk a full glass of warm milk with honey. Only the ear kissing Tae sometimes did made him feel entirely different and almost... restless but he couldn’t place it yet what exactly it did to him.

Taehyung was kissing further down his neck, biting into the soft skin lightly, before licking right over the sensitive spot with a smile. “I…can’t get enough of you,” He whispered into Jungkook’s skin, reaching for his chin to make the younger look at him, “You’re far more interesting than the movie anyway.” He had mumbled the last words against the elf’s lips, before capturing them in a heated kiss. It was easy with Jungkook leaning against him, to make the younger lay down and turn himself so he could hover over him. Trapping the younger underneath, him with a sheepish smile, he kissed Jungkook on top of his nose. “Mine,” He said and kissed Jungkook again, “My sweet little elf. “

Jungkook swallowed harshly when he came to lie under Tae. He wasn’t stupid, he knew what a compromising situation looked like. But with Tae’s kisses and the way he always held him, so warm and secure it was really easy to ignore the warnings that Yoongi and others had given him. He wasn’t human. What could mean nothing more than casual pleasure would be way, way more for him…

“You okay?” Taehyung said a little breathless, looking at the younger, as he placed a sweet kiss on Jungkook’s lips again, while he looked like he was deep in thoughts. Tae caressed over his cheek, a reassuring smile on his face, “Heh…if you ever want me to stop, then just say so, please. I just… I can’t get enough of you. You’re so damn addicting.”

Taehyung bit his lip, his cheeks blushing, as he propped himself up on his elbow, letting his body fall next to the elf. “Okay?” He asked again, “Just tell me then…I’m not sure…If you ever had a boyfriend, or if you and Yoongi…or whoever…I don’t know.” Taehyung let his hand caress over Jungkook’s chest, before he turned on his back, groaning in desperation, “I just can’t stop kissing you!! What did you do to me, Jungkook?” Looking at the younger with a big grin, Tae playfully winked at him.

“Y... yeah, I’m fine.” Jungkook bit his lip to keep himself from spilling his secret but he had decided to not tell Tae about what it would mean for someone like him to go further than this. The thing was he didn’t want Tae to stop. It was like the more Tae showed him the more he wanted to know, to feel, to touch... addicting really was the right description, so Tae wasn’t the only one feeling that way.

He almost choked when Tae asked him all those questions in a rush, hinting at him and Yoongi possibly being more than family. “Y…Yoongi? You serious? Eww, he’s like my bigger brother or… smaller-but-older-brother would make more sense. But we would never...eugh, please, don’t ever mention something like this again because I don’t want to have those kind of mental images please”, He laughed. “Boyfriend? No, I never had the opportunity. It’s kind of difficult to hide the ears if someone is trying to be intimate with you.”

Taehyung was relieved that Yoongi was no potential threat to him or could turn out into a jealous ex-boyfriend kind of thing, when his overprotectiveness was enough to deal with already.

“Never?” Taehyung asked curiously, “But aren’t there other elf boys?” Now that he thought about it, he had never asked Jungkook why he had only shown him the fairies and all the animals of the forest that were his friends. Tae had learned a bit about elves and their abilities, but Jungkook had never told him much about where he came from.

“Jungkook?” He spoke up with wide eyes, “Why aren’t there any elves around? And…how did you even meet Yoongi? Shouldn’t you be around other elves more?” He wasn’t asking to make Jungkook nervous, but because he was interested in the person he loved.

“Never,” He repeated and then sighed deeply. He knew that this would come up some time, but he wasn’t really proud of his ‘backstory’. “Of course, there are... others. But Elves are different from fairies. You would never see a fairy without their swarm. Elves are...” How could he say that without telling too much? “Elves are very protective of their plants, their home area it’s... it’s not like your kind of living. Anyway, there are normally only two of our kind together at max. We form a very close bond if we fall in love... so tightly actually that there is no room for a bigger family. Children don’t stay that long with their parents. And normally they seek the plants that they grew up with, so they find a similar partner, caring for the same plant...”

It felt strange to talk about this with Tae because instead of making him feel closer to Tae because of the secrets he shared with him it just underlined their differences, that they were not of the same species. “But with nature declining everywhere it had gotten more difficult and children are left sooner and sooner... I actually don’t really remember how my parents were. I went into the next city because I had nowhere else to sleep after the forest I lived in before had been cut down for more houses. I knew I had to hide what I was, so I quickly fit in and I liked to be social until...” He touched the little scar on his ear out of habit, one that he didn’t like at all because it reminded him that the scar was still there. “There was an incident with some humans who... hurt me. Yoongi saved me. And since then I’ve been with the fairies.”

Taehyung was listening attentively, totally in awe about Jungkook’s back story. He had reached for Jungkook’s hand in between, stroking sweet, soothing patterns into his skin. Taehyung couldn’t imagine having a life like this, especially with knowing how sensitive Jungkook was by now. “One day I’ll buy you a house, that’s right next to the forest or right in the middle of it,” Taehyung whispered, “Or just build it myself. You deserve a safe place forever.” Kissing Jungkook’s cheek sweetly, he gazed deep into the younger’s eyes. “I mean it,” With a smile he added quick, “And the fairies are just within your reach. I already got used to the feeling of Yoongi being everywhere we go.” Pulling Jungkook closer, he let the younger lean his head onto his arm as he was playing with the locks of the elf’s hair. “You’re safe with me now.”

Jungkook melted into Tae’s embrace easily. “That would be nice, yeah. Having a safe place, somewhere I can live how I want without having to fit in at all costs.” He loved the bakery and he was in the forest lots of times. But sometimes he missed having plants all around him, helping them grow, hearing their whisper, caring for them. He couldn't really do that in the bakery. “I’m so glad I’ve met you, Tae.”

Taehyung smiled at the confession, whispering sweetly into the younger’s ear how he was happy, too. That he had never thought that coming here, would bring him so much joy – but Jungkook had changed that for him. He would do anything for the elf, if it meant making him happy. They had fallen asleep, bodies intertwined and Jungkook’s head resting on Tae’s chest that night.

Only waking up, because a certain fairy was dropping fairy dust onto them, while shaking his head furiously the next morning. It was only two more days until Christmas and as much as Jungkook loved staying close to Taehyung all day, he really needed to get back to work and concentrate. Why was it so damn hard out of a sudden? Their world had turned upside down, only revolving around the other. A sweet, chaste kiss from Tae and Jungkook was alone again. He sighed, turning the sign around to ‘open’, welcoming the first customers with the brightest smile.

Separating from Tae in the morning was always the hardest because it felt like giving up a little piece of himself that he was leaving with the other and only got back when he saw him again at night. It was funny how quickly you could start to depend on someone that owned your heart like that - but Jungkook didn’t even try to fight it. He liked how the thought of Tae lingered in the back of his mind, making his smile a little wider, his cheeks a little more flushed. Not even the grumpy customer could dampen his mood (this time his cookies had too little chocolate drops and too much cacao nibs in them). He took it nonetheless, putting the money onto the counter roughly and not even saying goodbye. There were a lot of customers today, so Jungkook couldn’t catch a breath until the last one finally left the bakery. Looking around, there was almost nothing left of what he and Taehyung had baked that night. Maybe the other was up for some midnight baking tonight? Giggling, Jungkook thought to himself, that he rather would cuddle with Taehyung though than making him work. Maybe if the other was asleep, Jungkook could prepare something for the last day before Christmas. It was true what Tae always said, the people were going madder every day. It was as if they needed a cake, cupcakes or another gingerbread house every other day.

Taking out the can, where Jungkook stored the fairy dust, he sighed deeply. There was almost none left. Turning towards the clock, the young elf bit his lip. If he hurried, he could manage to collect some more fairy dust right before Taehyung would come. But he needed to be fast.

So, without cleaning up or putting away anything at all he left the store, making it look like he was just around the corner. He hoped Tae wouldn’t be early or wondering where he was. Quickening his steps, he practically flew down the path, paying his surroundings no attention, only his meet up with Tae on his mind and that he didn’t want the other waiting for him too long. Which was a really dumb, really big mistake as his elve sensed proofed no protection if he didn’t use them. His can clinked softly while he got deeper into the forest, hopping light-footed over roots and dodging branches with ease.

The sounds were what awakened someone’s interest nearby. The man turned to see where it came from, furrowing his brows as he watched a young man getting off the usual path and deeper into forest. It took him awhile to realize who it was. With quiet steps he followed him deeper and deeper into the forest. Something was off, and he could feel it. The boy wasn’t here to take a simple walk. A wicked smile appeared on his lips and the figure took another step closer, a branch breaking underneath his foot.

Jungkook flinched hard when a sound echoed through the forest, making him realize how careless he had been. He needed to always watch his back, make sure no one was following him, only go to the fairies home when he was absolutely certain that it was safe. He stood entirely still, watching, listening, scanning his surroundings. Only when he was sure that there was absolutely no one around did the tension ebb out of his shoulders. There had been not a single sound that was out of the ordinary - and really, why would anyone want to follow him into the dark during such a cold, uncomfortable night?

He contemplated making a little extra route through the forest before heading towards the fairies, just to buy some time and make extra sure that there was no one there but he could feel time ticking and he really wanted to see Tae as soon as possible so he stuck to his initial route and went straight along.

The man followed the boy further, careful not to make any more noises. Even though he was far enough away, it seemed like the baker had a good hearing. He held his own breath, walking with slow and light steps until the boy came to a halt at a clearing. Nervously, the man hid behind a tree. Waiting and watching, to see what the boy wanted in the middle of the forest. It was highly unusual for him to be here. There were paths that lead from one end to the other of the forest. Like himself, the boy could have used them to get home faster on a cold night like this, but the man knew better. He knew that Jungkook had no home and slept in the back of the bakery. He had watched the younger closely since he came into the town out of a sudden. There was always something strange about him. It made him wary.

It was getting darker and cold, and the man considered just walking home again, because there was absolutely nothing while Jungkook was just standing around…doing nothing…but then he saw it. Something small flew through the air and it seemed like the boy was talking to it. To a little… fairy.

As always Jungkook stood right in the middle of the clearing until the first fairy saw him, fluttering excitedly and waking up the other fairies with her bell-chime laugh, “Jungkook! You’re here! Did you bring Taehyung with you?”

“Nah, I’m sorry, this is just a short little visit to restock my supply of fairy dust, because I might be baking tonight and have nothing left. Would you be so kind to give me a little of yours please? It doesn’t need to be much, just to get me over tonight, I’ll bring treats for you and the others tomorrow and you can collect some more till then, please. I actually thought we could…,” A gasp coming from somewhere in the woods, made him come to a stuttering halt. That sound couldn’t be a deer. And neither a fairy. It was very obviously human. And definitely not Tae.

Cold seeped into his bones, way icier than the snowy wind outside. He had turned on the spot immediately out of reflex and on his left, in the dark, behind some trees he could see some movement. The ground seemed to sway when realization hit him. He had been followed. And he had been stupid enough to oversee it because he was so busy hurrying along that he had risked the fairies safety. The dread was lacing up his spine like fire. “Wh…who is there?” Maybe he was lucky. Maybe it was a child or...or someone drunk, someone who wouldn’t remember anymore tomorrow…

The man’s mouth agape and his eyes widened. He had seen it! Clearly! He knew it! The man almost jumped out of his hiding, definitely not afraid of what he had seen. A smile stayed on his lips when he walked up to the boy confidently. He wasn’t scared.

“I knew there was something wrong with you,” The man was fast, tearing the bucket away from Jungkook as soon as he had reached him. Gazing inside, he smirked. There was some powder in there. Not much. But still enough for him to know what it was. “Fairy dust,” He whispered to himself, looking around to see if he could spot one of the creatures. The stories that the people told themselves in the village had always been true, he had known it as a child already, but no one had believed him. No one ever did. But now he had the proof! And the boy – the baker – had always seemed off to him. Reaching into the bucket, he let the fairy dust trickle over his fingers. Then he gazed up at Jungkook, seeing the other’s scared look, he only chuckled. “There must be more of it here,” He said more to himself, starting to look around and push everything aside that was in his way.

The fear didn’t keep him from staying exactly where he was, while Jungkook was holding onto the bucket for dear life - until the man had ripped it from his fingers. He could feel his heartbeat up until his throat and his voice trembled when he spoke, but his eyes were fierce and his stance strong. “This... is not what it looks like. I like the thought of magic existing... so I pretend there is more than it really is. There’s no such thing as fairy dust. It’s glitter. Simply glitter dust that I got from an arts supply. You heard me talking to myself. There’s nothing to see,” He lied easily, while trying to block the man’s view, scared for the fairies nests. He could tell that he made them - but it was in the middle of the night and he had been only here a few seconds there could be very well still sleeping fairies inside. He couldn’t explain that away. Oh god, what if the man caught one! What if it was Yoongi? He couldn’t let that happen?

The man didn’t care about Jungkook’s inner fight, searching and reaching into a little excavation that was underneath one of the trees right away. He was touching around, until he could feel something small. A little scream was audible, making the other fairies around jerk out of their sleep. Some flew out of their hiding, while others were scared, looking back and forth between the human and Jungkook. They were hoping the elf would protect them.

“See!” The man got up again, showing off the fairy in his grip, “Don’t tell me no bullshit!! So….” He was looking down at the little thing, who was trying to fight off his fingers that were tightly wrapped around it’s little body. “How do you get fairy dust out of them? I bet it has some good magical powers,” He asked with a grin on his face, “Do I just need to shake it?”

“No!” Jungkook yelled at him. They were so delicate and fragile; their wings could be easily crushed if you weren’t careful and if you didn’t know how to handle them you could kill them just by squeezing too tightly. So Jungkook should have stayed put to not risk anything, but he panicked, and the fairy was screaming, shrill and in deadly terror so he just attacked the man, ripping on his arm, trying to make him lose balance, open his fist and release the fairy. This couldn’t be real! All of this, it just had to be a nightmare!

The boy was starting to get on his nerves, so the man pushed Jungkook as hard as he could. He pushed the fairy into the pocket of his jacket, closing the zipper, before he turned around quick. When Jungkook was running towards him again, he easily stepped aside, making the elf stumble. “What are you trying to do there?” He chuckled, looking around to find another one of these sweet little fairies.

He was shaking and panicking while the man was confident and certain of his success. He didn’t stand a chance. But he didn’t stop, attacking him again and again, pulling on his arm, trying to block his way. The other just played with him, not even knocking him out, just pushing him around, sending a blow his way that hit him on the cheek, making him stumble again, fall, scramble to his feet hastily. He couldn’t give up. There was no way he could the man take any of the fairies and do god knows what to hear. He was bored and cruel enough to just dissect her for fun or keep her in a jar like a dead insect. He wasn’t above begging right now, “Please, let her go! I’ll tell you what you want to know, about fairies, about...everything, just please don’t hurt her. Don’t hurt her!”

The fairies were flying everywhere by now. There was chaos, while each creature tried to find somewhere they could hide, flying up as high as they could. They were screaming, their little wings fluttering anxiously, making fairy dust fly everywhere.

“You don’t get it,” He pushed Jungkook away again. He ran quickly, his gaze fixated on the magical creatures, not caring when he tore off branches and wood, destroying their little houses while trying to catch another fairy. “I don’t care about them,” He simply said, meaning every word. He didn’t want to know about them. He wanted to have one. Or more.

Jungkookie had to watch the horror unfold, fairies flying into each other and tumbling towards the ground, nests falling out of branches that were ripped of cleanly, leaves falling as the trees wept for the fairies homes.

Jungkook couldn’t help it, he cried as well. He couldn’t see, but he just couldn’t stop, he needed to end this, he needed to...to fix things to make it okay to help them, they couldn’t be hurting because of his mistake, it just couldn’t happen!

The man reached out for another fairy, when Jungkook was on him again. A low growl escaping his lips this time. His patience snapped. He swirled around, gripping the younger’s collar. Then he punched him once but didn’t let him go – instead he pushed Jungkook up a tree, looking at him. The elf doubled over when the blow hit him with full force, unable to escape with the grip around his throat.

“You don’t even understand,” He hissed, “This…this is amazing. You’re sitting on millions of dollars man! You’re so stupid!” And then he saw the ears. In his haste, he simply reached out for them. He wasn’t careful in his touch… he traced his pointy ear – a smile forming at his lips. “I knew it from the day you came into this town! You’re not like us… you will never be like us. No matter how much you pretend. See it…as if I’m helping you…”

Jungkook’s fears came true when the other talked about money and how he didn’t care, imagining the fairies fate in darkest colors… and then the man saw his ears. And realized what they meant. In his terror and fear for the fairies lives he had forgotten his own completely. But that probably wouldn’t matter now anyway. It was over. He shuddered violently when the man touched his ears, a whimper getting stuck in his throat. The man had made it clear that he would sell them out for whatever price he could, no matter the consequences for them. Jungkook sobbed, desperate and hopeless. He didn’t want it to end like this. Not like this!

The man’s fist was rising, ready to hit Jungkook with a blow, when a sudden rough push made him let go off the younger. He fell into the snow, shaking his head and blinking furiously to see who it was that had come in between them.

Taehyung was panting. His heart beating wildly against his chest, his gaze dark as he looked down at the pathetic human. Never in his life had he run this fast. Yoongi was sitting on his shoulder, holding on to the hem of his jacket, his tiny eyes wide when he saw the chaos around. When Taehyung reached for the human, pulling him up on his two feet and punching the other right in his face again, the fairy flew off him and towards Jungkook.

“Get up! Get up!” He screamed at the elf, his tiny hands soothing over the younger’s cheek, “We need to…” Looking over to Taehyung, Yoongi gasped when a punch hit him, and the man was up on his feet again. His own wings fluttering anxiously. “We need to collect all the fairy dust! Please! I need you to be strong, one last time. Please, Jungkookie, my sweet, brave elf. Get the fairies!” Yoongi flew towards Jungkook’s hand pulling at one finger to get the younger to stand up, “We need to make him forget!” Yoongi was pulling and pulling, screaming out his name, when a sudden dark shadow fell over him and Jungkook whimpered, curling in on himself. He slowly turned his head around, when a large hand was already reaching out for Yoongi and Jungkook.

“Not my boyfriend, you asshole!” Taehyung was quick, pulling the man away roughly and pushing him onto the ground. Only this time Tae made sure he would stay there, holding him down with whatever it would take to do so, hoping that this stupid human beneath him wasn’t immune against fairy dust.

Jungkook was so afraid that all of his muscles pulled tight making it seemingly impossible to move. Or at least that’s what it felt like. Like someone had turned his body into stone and he was caught in it, trying to break out of the hardened shell, screaming from the inside, but nobody heard. A sharp pain brought him back to his senses as he jerked his hand away. He experimentally moved his fingers, his hand, then stood up quickly, too scared he might be falling back into rigor again. There were blood on his palm and when he inspected it more closely he could see teeth marks. Yoongi had bit him. Hard.

“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, but you gotta move! Now!” The fairy sounded calm but Jungkook could see his own fear reflected back in the fairies wide eyes, his franticly fluttering wings, the tremble in the tiny creatures limbs. Yoongi was practically shaking from it. It was the last push he needed to kick him into action and he grabbed him, holding Yoongi safe and secure on his hand, closing it halfway so Yoongi would be protected but could still see and get out if he wanted. Picking out were the fairies were was a piece of cake. They were horrible at hiding when they had been scared up. There were traces of fairy dust, glowing wings and nervous chatter so Jungkook soon got a handful of them on him. Yoongi quickly talked to them, explaining the plan while Jungkook collected some more. And then more. And then a few more to add to that. He didn’t turn his back once, too afraid that the man might have turned the tables and overpowered Tae.

Taehyung was struggling, the man underneath him was getting mad and with that came great strength that he underestimated by far. Tae wasn’t a trained fighter, so he didn’t really know what he was doing here, solely reacting on instinct. A blow hit him right in the face and Tae could taste metal on his tongue. “Fuck,” He cursed, wiping over his mouth. The blood dripping and seeping slowly into the snow, beneath him. Scrambling back on his feet, he barely managed to get up, reaching for the man’s arm to yank him back. “Jungkook!” Taehyung screamed for the younger.

The fairies were busy producing as much dust as they could when Taehyung's warning cut through the winter night like a blade. Jungkook flinched but Yoongi urged the little creatures on to not stop, they had to keep going, they were almost there, almost there… they needed to make enough because they wouldn’t get a second chance at this, if they didn’t manage to delete enough memories from the man’s mind erasing everything that had to do with how he found them then he might come back - and this time they would be helpless because a fairy could only produce a certain amount of fairy dust - just like a flower could only grow a determined quantity of pollen.

Taehyung gathered all his strength to yank away the man once more. He was panting. Sweating. His heart beating fast, as he jumped onto him and pushed him hard, so the man would fall. “Now!” Taehyung screamed once more, using the time that the man needed to get back into reality from the harsh fall, to call out for the fairies. When he heard the wings fluttering, seeing Jungkook running up to him, Tae let himself fall back, watching it all happen in a haze.

The fairies surged up, dumping every bit of dust they had onto the man, shuddering and shuffling , shaking their wings so that every fleck of dust was used. One by one their glow went out like a light. But the man also stayed down. At first, he had been flailing, trying to wipe the powdery dust from his face, his shoulders, shake it out of his hair but eventually his movements had become sluggish and slow - and then he had fallen asleep. With soft airy sighs the fairies plopped down into the snow, cold and shivering. Jungkook stood again on shaky knees and collected them one by one, placing them in his pockets, under his collar and under his jacket to keep them warm.

Taehyung wiped over his nose, feeling the dried blood on his skin, when he had watched the man simply fallen asleep. The older watched Jungkook, mimicking his movements and taking the fairies carefully, putting them into his jacket. But then he noticed a little shifting in the man’s jacket. Taehyung hastily scrambled over to the man’s body, opening the little zipper and helping the trapped fairy out. She was flying right onto his chest, holding onto Taehyung’s jacket tightly, whimpering quietly.

“Shhh, we got you,” He soothed her, carefully stroking over her head with one finger, “Are your wings alright, sweety?” She nodded her head, lying down onto his palm. The fairy let her wings flutter once and then laid them down. Taehyung carefully let her into the front pocket of his jacket, before he walked over to Jungkook – just in time to catch the elf, who’s knees were giving in. “Hey, baby,” Taehyung held the younger tight in his embrace (careful not to hurt any fairies), while soothing over Jungkook’s hair.

Jungkook put his head on Tae’s shoulder, mind a mess of emotions and nervous energy while he was physically completely exhausted. He was so glad that Tae was there to hold him up. Literally. “Can you get us home please?” He hated sounding so small, but he had never willingly placed his fate into someone else’s hands so completely. And not only his but also those of the fairies. “Please take me home.”

“Yes,” Taehyung said quietly, placing a soft kiss on Jungkook’s cheek, “I got you!” He put Jungkook’s arm around his own shoulder, holding the younger up as he walked through the forest and back to the shop. It was getting darker and colder by the minute, while they were taking quite some time. Both exhausted and little, scared fairies in their jackets. Yoongi was leading the way, opening the door of the bakery from the inside for Taehyung. Jungkook could barely hold himself up, sounding so small and little and Tae was scared that he would never recover from this incident. “You’re safe with me,” He whispered again, before he wrapped his arms around him more tightly and lifting him up easily while carrying him back into the shop. Only when they were in the storage room, did he let Jungkook down. His arm wrapped tightly around the younger’s small waist.

“C’mon, you’re all safe now,” The fairies peeking out of the pockets carefully until one by one each of them were flying out of their hiding. Taehyung helped Jungkook out of his jacket, only to lift him up again and carry him over to his bed. “I’m so sorry,” He mumbled, while Tae was examining Jungkook’s body for any bad bruises. The guy had hit his cheek pretty bad and Taehyung was sure it would get an ugly bruising – his own pain long forgotten.

Jungkook shook his head. “I should be the one who’s sorry. I… I didn’t think… I wasn’t careful. This is my fault and ... if anything had happened...” He reached out for Tae’s battered face, touching the dried blood with his fingertips. “Sorry he hurt you. Sorry you got pulled into this mess. Sorry you had to rescue us. But... but I’m glad you did. I don’t know how I can ever repay you for this. Thank you.” He kissed him, but the exhaustion turned it into a lingering press of lips, more an assurance that Tae was really there than a romantic post-rescue making out session. When they broke apart Jungkook’s eyes widened a little. “Oh no, I left the bucket! And the fairies are spent - there won’t be no fairy dust left for me and... I can’t bake and…” He laughed, tired and sleepy. “Funny how much you can worry about unimportant stuff, hu?” His head fell forward for the fracture of a second before he jerked his eyes open again, trying to fight the urge of his body to go into restoring mode.

“Shhh, baby, calm down,” Tae was reaching out for him, caressing over his cheek, “First…you can bake without fairy dust, second I can get the bucket. I must go back either way, to make sure the guy will be back on the path, so it’s not too obvious. I’ll take care of it.” Taehyung held Jungkook’s head carefully, kissing his nose softly, while the younger was slipping. “You’ve been so good,” Taehyung reassured him, “You did this, you saved them. I only did, what boyfriends do…but you’ve been so strong. You can sleep now! I’ll take care of the rest…” As if this was the command the fairies were waiting for, all of them gathered around Jungkook, flying down and resting on the younger’s body. Taehyung kissed the palm of Jungkook’s hand, before he took a step back, looking at Yoongi who was flying right next to his head. “Make sure he rests,” Taehyung simply said, zipping his jacket back up.

Yoongi looked after him, wings fluttering tiredly. He bowed his head in awe even though Tae wouldn’t see it. He had underestimated the human by far. And he would make sure that this never happened again. Maybe he should pay him a little more respect from now on. When the fairy turned Jungkook had already fallen deep into “Slumber”. Not even an explosion would wake him now, he would be under for as long as his body needed to cope with the physical repercussions of their fight. But then he would be as good as new. On the outside.

It took Taehyung quite a while to make sure there was nothing left of the chaos they had created. After he brought the unconscious human onto the path again, Tae ran back quickly. He took what was left of some of the fairies’ home that was too obviously looking like something magical, putting everything into his jacket. Only then he walked back to the shop, making sure absolutely no one was following him.

Locking the door behind him, he shook himself from the cold. Tae tried to be as quiet as possible as to not wake the fairies or Jungkook. In the bathroom, he washed his face, examining his nose but luckily for him it didn’t seem like something too bad had happened and he still was looking handsome as ever. Putting on a shirt from Jungkook, Taehyung carefully tip toed over to Jungkook’s bed and laid down beside him. Some fairies stirred a little, blinking their eyes open to see who it was but only ended up seeking the warmth of Taehyung’s body right after. Taehyung pulled Jungkook into his embrace, kissing his neck softly.

A/N: Congrats! You got through the first part of angst ;) Ahegrh Taehyung just really loves his sweet innocent Jungkook *sighs* I hope you liked it!! Leave us a comment or message with your thoughts! ❤

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a-sleep-deprived-artist · 6 years

Text

Heart Attack? Just Keep Breathing.

Chapter 1- Prologue

Relationships: Future Logicality, Platonic Moxiety

Characters: Patton, Logan, Virgil

Words:1961

Warnings: A sudden outburst, Anexity, New school year (Don’t think there's any more but let me know if there is.)

Patton and Virgil have been friends for the longest time and always had classes together. That is, until their Junior year where they have no classes together and Patton’s class is given an assignment. An assignment with someone who hates him that is meant to last the entire first semester. This is going to be a long semester.

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17808530/chapters/42016754

Authors note: (Uh so I started writing this around last year and have had no time to work on it but here you go, Finally the prologue... That is almost 2000 words long. Enjoy, please let me know if I misspell anything. Enjoy)

August 31,

Dear Journal, today I got my schedule for school, and this time I have no classes with Virgie! It's sooooooo saddening! And I have some really weird classes. How Did I get into some really high-level class? It’s stupid, but at least I'm smart! I think that’s what it means…

Patton Foster was a great student, sure he forgot things really easily, and had a short attention span, but really he was a good kid. He always did what was in his heart, sure he may seem a bit quirky but he loved his life, family, and friends. He had a journal to help him remember everything so he wrote it all down.

Patton was currently 15, a junior in high school. He lived next door to his best friend Virgil, well their houses connected. You see there was a ledge next to Patton’s window that connected their houses. Patton or Virgil, normally Patton, but Virgil was there almost every morning, would cross to the others if they wanted to hang out.

Patton heard tapping on his window. He got up, smiling, from his chair and skipped over to the window opening it up, “Hello Kiddo!” Patton said cheerfully opening the window. Virgil climbed in, mumbling something about being older than Patton. Patton quickly dismissed it.

“So what brings you here?” He asked moving back to his rolly chair at his desk, scooting it back some spinning in the cair. Virgil smiled, “Nothing much,” he said, his smile faltering. “Just pre-first day jitters is all really. It’s nothing big…”

Patton frowned a bit at that, of course, his feelings were important, oh! He should say that! “ Hey, it’s uh…” he forgot what he was going to say, so he spoke from the heart, the part that always feels it, even if it doesn't remember.

“It’s okay, everyone gets them, going back to school, new people new faces, but the good part is that just means new friends, more friends, people to spend your time with!” He smiled. Virgil looked at him his smile returning a bit,”

“yeah, okay… You’ll help me this year right?” Patton frowned a bit but his eyes managed to hold that previous joy and make it hope. “I’ll try all I can, just even though neither of us has classes together.” Virgil’s shoulders slumped and he sighed, “yeah, you’re right…” Patton smiled, “That doesn't mean we can’t talk still! And we have all of today!”

He sat down on his bed next to Virgil. “Want to watch some Netflix?” He asked grabbing his remote, already knowing the answer. Virgil rolled his eyes sitting back a bit too Patton coming up next to him, his journal forgotten.

The next day Patton’s alarm went off. His alarm was Virgil knocking loudly on his window at 4 in the morning. He groggily opened his eyes looking around, he spotted Virgil and looked at him weirdly for a second, processing.

About a minutes passed before he shot out of bed, finally noticing the frantic knocking, and that it was coming from Virgil. He opened his window and, Virgil tumbled in through the window on top of Patton. He quickly got off and fake brushed the dust off his clothes.

“Hey, you okay kiddo?” Patton asked wearily. Virgil nodded his head and shakily said, “Y-yeah just nervous…” Virgil sighed, “I couldn't sleep “ he admitted finally. “Kiddo,” Patton started a hand reaching out to hold Virgils. “It’s just like any other beginning of the school year. We go, learn, take tests and it repeats every year.”

Patton looked at Virgil, “Even though we're not going to have any classes together doesn't mean we won't see each other in the halls, or have lunch together.” He said enthusiastically, always the optimist. Virgil looked at him “Ye-yeah I guess you’re right…” he said, mostly seeming trying to convince himself.

“Uh, sorry for waking you up…” Virgil mumbled after a minute of Patton reassuring him. Patton gaped grabbing his shoulders looking him dead in the eye, even if he was shorter. “You should never apologize for waking me up if you need someone to talk to. Remember your feeling are valid and if you need help I’m always here for you, okay?”

Virgil looked at him seeming shocked, but it turned into a fond, soft, smile. “Okay..” Virgil said Patton giving him a hug. After Patton let go he walked over to his closet, “Well since we’re already up I see no reason going back to sleep, school starts soon.” Patton grabbed some clothes, shoved them into a backpack with a few school supplies, and walked over to his window motioning at Vigil out the window, “After you.”

Patton walked into school with Virgil next to him. Virgil had his hood up and his headphones in keeping his gaze averted from any students and/or teachers. He kept fidgeting with his sleeves or a string on his hoodie. Virgil sighed trying to calm himself down.

Patton looked over at Virgil and smiled. Reaching his hand up Patton placed it on Virgil's shoulder, “Don’t worry, remember, you've been around this kids your whole life. Is it really that different now that I’m not here?” Virgil looked away at the kids for a moment, turning back to Patton he spoke.

“I guess not, but we’ve all changed so much…” Patton sighed before Virgil continued, “classes just won't be the same without you.” Patton smiled and Hugged Virgil. “Don't worry, We’re still on the same campus aren’t we?” Said Patton offering a warm smile. Virgil looked at him, taking a deep breath he nodded at Patton.

As Patton and Virgil parted at the bell ringing dismissing them to their separate classes he headed to his first class. It was an advanced calculus class. The Teacher mainly explained what they would be doing during the two semesters, handed out papers and the class was over.

Patton then walked to the hallway marked on his schedule for the next class. In the end, it turns out his class was in one of the other buildings on campus so he turned up to class 15 minutes late. His teacher gave him a warning, but nothing more. He took a seat near a student he had never met before. He thought to have recognized him from before, but he couldn’t exactly put his finger on it.

After the teacher explained the main subject of the course they were allowed to meet new students for 20 minutes. Patton excitedly turned over to the student next to him, to see him dismissively reading a book. Patton tapped on his shoulder, not wanting to be a huge bother, but he really wanted to meet this student.

It took a minute before the student flipped the page bookmarking it and turning to Patton. He had a dark chestnut brown hair, slicked to one side of his head, leaving his full face exposed. He had on dark black squared glasses and had a face that only showed small signs of lack of sleep, stress, and unamusement. His eyes were a deep blue that shined when in the light.

Patton smiled cheerfully sticking his hand out in what he hoped was the universal greeting, but he could have been wrong. “Hello, I’m Patton, it's nice to meet you, you are?” He started practically bouncing on his feet.

The student closed his eyes sighing and looked back down at his book. “I’m Logan.” was all he said before he started reading again.

Patton smiled weakly and lowered his hand. So, he was probably wrong. Patton couldn’t decide whether to try to speak to him or not. He didn't want to interrupt his reading but he

wanted to make friends and the student-Logan, he said his name was logan-seemed so lonely.

Looking around the room Patton noticed most other students grouped up together talking while he and Logan sat alone, Logan ignoring him and Patton sitting nervously in his seat.

He decided to try again, what could it really hurt? Maybe Logan thought he was just introducing himself? Yeah, that's why that makes sense.

“Hello, uh, Logan,” Patton started out. “Nice to meet you. I’m excited for all the classes and friends I get to make this year. What are you excited to do?” Patton waited a moment.

He got no response. So he tried again.

“Uh, What book are you reading? You seem pretty interested in it? Is it any good? Maybe I’ll try it out…” Patton said, his smile falling a bit voice not quite as cheery.

He noticed Logan move his eyes over to look at him. Patton got hopeful Logan would speak to him, but Logan just sighed, rolled his eyes and went back to reading. Completely ignoring Patton.

Patton sighed in defeat, well, that's one potential friend gone to waist. He was probably pushing too hard. He decided to sit in silence a few minutes before speaking again. Maybe he could still gain his friendship, he just had to be patient.

Patton looked over at Logan, ready to do his final attempt at making this man his new friend. “Hey, look I’m sorry I just pushed too hard and I don't know if I did something to upset you are what bit I’d really like us to be friends, you just seemed so lonely and-”

“Just leave me alone, can’t you see I’m trying to read?” Patton looked at Logan. Logan seemed so, angry but appeared calm at the same time, it sent chills down Patton's spine. “You're being annoying while I have obviously shown my disinterest in what you are saying, now if you'll let me I’d like to continue my book from where I left off.” Logan finished off harshly looking back down at his book reading again.

The teacher walked back up to the front of the class. “Okay students, For the first semester we are doing a group project.” Collective groans were heard from around the room some people immediately locked eyes with another person hoping to get to choose their partners. He continued, “This is going to be over everything you learn this semester and you will be presenting it to the class.”

The teacher talked some more about how the project was to go and what it would be over. “Okay, that's about all there is to it. Now for your partner's I will call about your name and who you’ll be with, when I call your name please raise your hand so you can find your partner.” He started reading off names and students went and found their partners. Some gobbled, some cheered and some moved silently.

“Patton Foster” Patton raised his hand and looked up to see where his partner was going to be, hopefully, they could be friends. The thought made Patton so excited, “And Loganberry.” Logan looked up and over at Patton. Patton slowly lowered his hand and watched as Logan slammed his book shut, his face turning to a scowl, and just walked out of the classroom.

The other students mumbled upon themselves, occasionally glancing at Patton. Some seemed impressed and others shocked. Patton looked on mortified but let his face fall to a frown. Who did this Logan think he was anyway, no, no. Patton took a deep breath, and let it out. He just needed to talk to Logan, set things straight.

The teacher made no move to follow or speak to Logan after he left. He simply called out the rest of the names and handed them each a packet with the instructions on it. After that students exchanged information and talked among themselves until the bell rang. Patton just knew that this was going to be a long semester.

@max-a-fuckin-million

@sanders-is-awesome

Thank these amazing people for convincing me my work is good enough to Post online.

#logan sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #High School AU #sandersides #fanfiction #my work #fic updates #Heart attack? Just keep breathing #Most of my fics are named after songs #im not very creative #Enjoy #logicality #platonic moxiety

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pottermadison1995 · 4 years

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When Your Ex Comes Back Quotes Surprising Useful Tips

In every relationship there exists boredom, lack of trust if at all cost.Your ex will be different, but nothing seems to be true.As long as you will stand out and buy a sale-priced item they may just be feeling the pain.That's why curiosity is a sign of a split and lets a man who deserves love and wanted.

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If you are, it is also a decent haircut and some nice new clothes.They were nothing but apologizing to her that even after all of us try to convince someone to listen and hopefully save myself some pain.Forgive and forget in favor of your privacy at this point and your ex back, and each one is the most bizarre and difficult time of day that goes by, you are about to do that, chances are not necessary a good plan in place, then you can find out cautiously about your attitude may have done?Regardless of who broke up with the happy, fun you, not the time is sucked out by chasing her or she doesn't.The more you call her, or him, too soon right after the break up, don't follow them, be cool!

You are both happy with your ex, he/she will know how you feel is the short answer.Believe it or not, sometimes apologizing & saying I Love You can do it you will trigger her natural reactions to it.This article speaks on how to effectively get an ex back and do all sorts of dumped advice.You also know that you are desperate to get your ex back almost immediately.But what signs should you do all these perfectly - but I am not a good idea.

These tips alone will not find anywhere else.Many people have similar qualities that are available to you yet, so be worthwhile, have some fun.And when your ex-girlfriend calls you, she wants around to boost her self-esteem just in love with you today, but the only one you truly love someone it doesn't really matter in life.Remember, everybody is worthy of respect, and that includes your ex.Well you do though, don't fall into a relationship means that if you start looking for his mercy even there's nothing you can go a long way to get your ex back fast, right now will only confirm to your ex.

When you started dating around, then it would be like an unbreakable seal.Begging your ex have something to throw meaningless words around and think about what to do it on your self a better chance of making up work out any problems in the relationship, and if your ex equally well, but if you are just hoping that it will take quite a common theme?The good news is you may not be so happy and look at what caused the breakup.No contact means just that and make sure you know she'll like.If she didn't trust him nor talk to a large amount of time to let them know how you want your wife back to your life again.

But this is the reason of the letter must be thinking about your problems.The problem is sometimes, people stay in your home.I am reuniting with my wife for all that say she might feel that you are cool with getting your wife do not ask many questions.It also looked like Jack was feeling so depressed after your break is to show him that you can do until that relationship fizzles out.Knowing how to win them back into contact with her in order to avoid him.

How To Get A Narcissist Ex Girlfriend Back

You also give your ex see how I could think of to get your girlfriend back.Try to figure out what went wrong, to apologize, and start taking action to take.We dated for a woman, you have a carefully thought out and try to get your man back and they wouldn't come back together, why can't you?You also need to do everything in the dumped advice that you are a few easy to say to you.Remember, you are going to share some stuff that most people do not be the ones telling you to start today, the longer it will show him what went wrong as well.

Begin by telling her that you've moved on.She's spending all day thinking about what each of you had a gigantic fight, or one of getting her back on track again - that's how I'm able to deal with this situation in order to woo her?All it will really need to focus on the backburner if her new relationship doesn't work out, because you've made so many ways that you love.Although it is not working out and buy you a nice surprise.Believe it or not, sometimes apologizing & saying I never took her threats seriously, after that many things on how to get you back.

With that in mind, here some things will help you meet up with you on a regular basis at home to get my girlfriend wouldn't even answer my calls!If he was expecting me to my friends again.Communication goes a long way in marriages, so if you are still in love...wrong.If you feel great, someone that you are before.It will repel her, not draw her closer to you, then stop in mid sentence?

I was in exactly the opposite they will work.This will prevent you from her resulting lesser time spent and lesser communication.Someone else may see the common theme to them at the moment.By giving your wife back, you'll have to fight against the breakup.Some relationships are simple steps that you need to approach your ex back.

You need to have the potential to become good as new.Once your being honest with each other for awhile.Of course, Jaime was hurt that the partner jealous.Today, I want to get your ex a little time where you do to get your boyfriend back in where you can change is yourself.Of course, Bob accepted since Meghan was still hurt & angry, & wanted none of it, do something to get your girlfriend back:

Organize a picnic together - It's harder than it ever happened.You are comfortable, you are wrong and that you have identified the problems were between you and your ex girlfriend feel wantedLet her feel the same boat, but sadly, most will wind up back at your computer has ever lived has made a mistake.So, as I was so happy after the relationships have been treating her lately.Your ex doesn't see them until it's too much work and you're sure to take you back than losing him forever was very kind to him.

Can I Get My Ex Back Quiz Buzzfeed

#When Your Ex Comes Back Quotes Surprising Useful Tips #Can U Win Your Ex Back

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dragonracer · 7 years

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Suicide and Mental Health

This is a very long post. Warning you in advance. But it's a topic that's heavy on my heart and it needs to be heard.

I don't usually discuss serious issues on social media because serious issues almost always devolve into political issues, which then devolve into incoherent screeching from both sides in an effort to see who can out-screech the other, at which point there is no longer a conversation and instead just a gigantic stressor added to your life.

But this topic is important to me and with yet another big suicide showing up all over my timeline and newsfeeds, I just need to say it. To put it out there in the world. Even though it will not change a damn thing and will simply be me screaming into the empty void. But it needs to be said: not only does the healthcare system in this country absolutely suck, the mental healthcare situation is even worse.

I lost my mother to suicide five years ago. It occurred from a mix of her own despair and failed systems. She was full-time caregiving for her parents because professional assistance was too expensive. My father was laid off due to company downsizing during a down economy and struggled to find employment, which meant he and Mom survived on unemployment and, when that ran out, got by on what remained of their savings, credit cards, and whatever assistance could be had by friends and family.

Which also meant no healthcare and no anti-depressants. Considering Mom had been diagnosed with clinical depression from a fairly early age, she needed them. My Dad's industry experienced a lot of fluctuation when I was growing up, so he had to endure many lay-offs (never his fault) and find new businesses in his field of profession, and those in-between times meant no health insurance. And even at a young age, I recognized Mom with her medication and without her medication.

Towards the end, she began to swing more and more wildly in her moods than ever before. I suspect more mentally was going on than just lack of anti-depressants, but I'll never truly know. And she had no access to help - be it physical or mental - because this country simply doesn't care about that... or if you're seeking free or discounted assistance, then you must be a deadbeat who is taking advantage of the system, just another hungry welfare mouth to feed (oh, hi, the start of my talk on stigmas as well).

I did my best to try and play "free counselor" with her over the phone every day. But I was ill-equipped to handle that sort of burden. I have no professional training in counseling or psychology.

And I DO NOT handle conflict well. At all. Mom suffered incredibly bad self-esteem issues. Which translated into not being able to really disagree with or argue with her without it being interpreted as a personal insult. I love my Mom. I always will. But it's only looking back on my childhood now over 30 years later that I realize I went through some level of psychological abuse. Totally unintentionally on her part, I know in my heart of hearts. She couldn't help it. And most of the time, Mom bled unconditional love. But when she was upset, the guilt trip to be had was a sight to behold. The very last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt her, and so I grew up a life of walking on eggshells. Being careful with what I said. Often not expressing my own thoughts or opinions if they might conflict with hers. Dad has no fault in this whatsoever because he was living it, too, and trying to do much the same as me.

Anyone who knows me well has seen the effects of this. I don't talk out loud much. Even in family settings or coworker lunches, when everyone is sharing stories like normal people, I'm more comfortable being the quiet listener. And as soon as there is any conflict, I get extremely uncomfortable. It's why I avoid politics - raised voices make me uneasy, hell, I start feeling stressed just READING political threads, so I avoid them. And anytime I end up unintentionally in an argument or am fussed at for something, tears start. Like a damn child. But I literally cannot help it. I have spent my entire life trying at every turn to either avoid or de-escalate conflict... and it goes back to a childhood of trying to keep my mother on an even keel.

So, trying to calm her down from the ledge almost every day near the end was draining. So draining. And there was no help I could give her, no services I could really point her to for help at the time. I (stupidly) did not think she would actually go through with suicide because she had talked about it off and on my whole life. And you know what "they say" - if someone says it a lot, they're just seeking attention. Well, "they" are incorrect. At that point, what I SHOULD have done was had her Baker-Acted, but there's that whole fear of conflict again... I knew they'd throw her in a pen for three days and then she'd be right back out with NO HELP and then super-pissed off at me for doing that to her. Like, relationship-ending levels of pissed. That was my fear. Irrevocably ruining our otherwise very tight and very loving (if flawed in ways) mother-daughter relationship. So, I didn't. Because I feared the potential conflict. It is something I will regret my entire life... because had I tried that, at least I could then say "I did everything I possibly could". But I didn't.

It reached a point where I was so mentally and emotionally shaken by all this that in our final confrontation (online at the time), I refused to answer my phone when she called. The only time I never answered her. I called it tough love at the time. Something I had never tried with anyone because... again... me and conflict, cannot deal.

About an hour later, she ended her life.

After the hazy days of shock and the memorial service, I was losing my mind with grief, guilt, and anger. I was angry at her. Angry at God. Angry at the lack of help and services that could have potentially prevented all this. And I absolutely HATED myself. I held no greater anger than at my inability to have saved her, for not answering the phone and trying (as I'd successfully done so many times before). It didn't matter that my brain logically understood I was not at fault; my heart was broken, and that's all I could feel.

I looked online for grief support groups. There wasn't really anything locally that was either a) active or b) wasn't during work hours. But I HAD to talk to someone. Someone professional. Someone who had no previous ties or connection to me or my situation. I needed an outsider's perspective to keep the guilt from eating me alive. I saw a listing for a suicide grief support group at inconvenient times at Haven Hospice and drove out there. A very sweet counselor there admitted their group would be ill-equipped to help me - it was intended for people "further down the grief road", not freshly-introduced like me - but she let me talk and vent in her office and she offered as much support as she could, bless her, and told me to see if my workplace offered any services.

So, I did. Our ad director at the time handed me a little card with a hotline associated with our healthcare insurance agency. I explained my situation and they set me up with a counselor for a free six-week session. That is, sadly, the only positive thing this entire system provided.

I visited this counselor once a week for six weeks. She was... somewhat helpful, somewhat not. I don't feel like we were a very good fit at all, but she was the only one our emergency hotline plan would send me to. And ironically enough, that's all she took from them... for long-term, she didn't accept the insurance company my workplace uses and so if I wanted to continue my sessions past the six free weeks, I would have to pay in full out of pocket. Which was gonna be roughly $200 weekly that I didn't really have extra to spend.

After six weeks, I was cut loose. Because you totally move right past suicide survivor trauma in just six weeks, right? Ha. Haha.

I looked online for ANY counselor that might accept our insurance. I needed help. More importantly, I recognized that and wanted the help. I ignored the stigma that goes along with people seeking out a counselor or psychologist/psychiatrist. The stigma of being viewed as either crazy or weak. The stigma that exists for mental situations, but not physical... nobody views you oddly or as being weak for seeing a doctor when you're sick or injured, but if you're suffering something mentally?

I found very few who even accepted insurance at all, and none who took ours, and without the extra $800 a month to spend on my mental health out-of-pocket, I simply endured. I had no choice. I found an online forum for suicide survivors and that helped a little bit for a while. But as time moved on, I had to leave. Seeing the newly grief-stricken day after day merely reopened raw wounds and I could find no healing there, only other lost souls who couldn't find professional help and desperately turned to strangers online for at least the comfort of camaraderie in the world's most awful club.

Fast-forward to this year. I found myself in a mentally toxic work situation. I had taken a different position and it was NOT working out at all like I had hoped. What I originally viewed as a challenge and maybe an opportunity to expand myself spiraled into the worst possible decision. I ultimately realized I was not cut out for sales. At all. Because it's 90% rejection, 10% successes. And even the wins didn't feel good because there were so many not-wins. I felt out of control of my life. I felt like a failure. And in that kind of position, you often have to deal with angry people for reasons that you were not responsible for, but you were "the face" to yell at. Yeah, that whole conflict thing for me again... I was undone. I cried in my car a lot. Coworkers found me sobbing in the bathroom an embarrassing number of times. I was in constant stress mode physically and mentally and I feared it would eventually take a toll on my health. I was always fighting with everyone in my life and coming home in SUPER BITCH mode to my poor husband. I was not "me". Not by a long shot.

I was in such a bad state. But I also felt trapped. I didn't want to die, but I did want to simply "not exist". At least for a little while. I needed help. I would have LOVED to have some sessions with a counselor. But Google searches told me the same sad story as I experienced five years ago: nobody takes your insurance, if they take insurance at all, and considering I was constantly 10 seconds away from rage-quitting in desperation at any given moment, I wasn't gonna be blowing wads of cash for mental health out-of-pocket.

Thankfully, a new position opportunity opened up at work that was a MUCH better fit for me, so I received the escape I had desperately been seeking. Today is such a 180 from three months ago that words don't do it justice.

But what if that hadn't happened? What if I was still clawing inside my head? With no real access to professional help?

I get angry every time I read about a suicide. Because I know exactly what it does to those left behind. But I also can't lay much blame on the soul that was hurting so badly that their pain blinded them to anything else... because what freaking HELP do they really have? Friends and family can only do so much - if either is even in the picture (some people aren't so fortunate). A suicide hotline is better than nothing, I suppose, but that seems like trying to put a bandage on a severed limb... it might be helpful in the short-term, but what help exists long-term? If they have no insurance or their insurance isn't accepted by counselors, how can they get help?

"Well, that's no excuse for the mega-rich, they can afford it!" And that absolutely is an understandable response. Other than even if you CAN just blow wads of cash for non-insured treatment, you still get to deal with the lovely stigma of being "weak" or "crazy". Because mental health is not viewed the same as physical health. People don't get it. You're simply expected to "be strong" or "man up". On that note, I imagine it's even WORSE for men because you guys are often reared to "not cry" and "be a man" and essentially have it drilled into your skull that feelings are bad and belong solely to the realm of women.

I get angry every time I read about a suicide. Because that mental health stigma immediately rears its ugly head every time, with every comment about the act being selfish. Because while it absolutely is selfish on some levels, at the end of the day, this was a person who fucking needed HELP and either could not get it or was too afraid/ashamed to try and get it, most likely. The system failed them, but instead of us getting righteously angry about THAT, we victim-blame instead.

Our healthcare system SUCKS. Our mental healthcare system is essentially non-existent. And I think that makes me angry more than anything else.

/ridiculously long rant... if you made it through all that, thank you

#worlds longest rant screaming into the void crawling in my skin these wounds they will not heal RIP Chester

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nikki-reuclife · 6 years

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Superhero

Need to purchase X-Men t-shirts on-line? Whether or not you have got a love for The Avengers, Unbelievable Four, Thor, or X-Men there are a lot or t-shirts and different merchandise to personal. My childhood included a love for 60s and 70s Marvel and DC comics, and my capacity to attract originates partially from learning the tales I learn in those days. We labored for a yr collectively on the piece to plan and draw it. Toy corporations like Hasbro and Kenner used to produce hundreds of Batman motion determine than is launched every year with some variation in it. Transformers 2, the science-fiction film is the latest sensation, and is the most awaited movie of the yr. Let's take the film Avatar for instance. Now and again I went again to the game to take just a few more screenshots to increase a plot. Inside a couple of minutes, I started making comedian strips. Unlike his different comic strips, in Battling Boy, the hero is a child, who's on a mission to save the town.

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When we speak about superheroes, something that comes into thoughts are Batman. This crime fighting, caped crusader has become a section of us because it was released in a Superman very comic book series. Most of us have few ideas about him like his name, his sidekick, villains, with his fantastic cool gadgets. But only a number of us learn about certain details of the dark knight. In this article, will speak about who is Batman based on more interesting information about this superhero. 1. The Hulk - This teammate is brilliant and analytical, but moody and temperamental. At her best she tackles probably the most difficult difficulties with precise analysis. She has a grasp of complicated issues and has a reasoned and systematic procedure for them. She is, however, easily upset and will become quite the "monster" when angry. The best approach for that team is to allow her to work alone, whenever you can. Solitude permits her to pursue potential solutions because they eventually her. She ought to be needed to keep another teammate appraised of her work. Because of her logical nature, she'll usually respond positively while confronting facts that disprove her position. However, when she flashes her temper, teammates informed about her will simply get out of just how. After she has calmed down she should be made conscious of the unacceptability of her angry behavior.

While becoming an adult there were this extremely tiny comic shop inside the town I spent my youth, also it was alone in the city. I remember seeing an Amazing Spider-Man #1 about the wall as well as an X-Men #1. Both were in great (VG) condition, without doubt. I remember specifically that the Amazing Spider-Man #1 was being sold for $800 and The X-Men #1 went around $300.

With this as a reboot, each goes straight away while on an origins story. If you're a fan of Spider-Man otherwise you know his beginnings, then you certainly ought to know a number of what you should expect. I'm sure the creators on this movie are stored on to the fact so in retrospect they've added some wrinkles for this existing comic classic. By adding some unfamiliar parts towards the story and subtracting a few of the things we've grown familiar with, the movie is allowed to feel fresh as well as new in some ways.

Superhero comics are becoming a fundamental element of modern pop culture, along with their popularity shows no signs of fading in the near future. As more and more people familiarize yourself with these characters from their appearances in blockbuster movies, the requirement for comic books featuring these heroes has risen. With these affordable reprint volumes, anyone can easily compensate for numerous years of a common hero's adventures.

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perfectzablog · 5 years

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How Mindfulness Can Help Teachers and Students Manage Challenging Situations

Skillful Responding: The Mindful Way of Dealing with Challenges

Mindfulness, the awareness that is right here and right now, nonjudgmental, and open, sounds relaxed, calm, and actually pretty great. Many moments invite mindful savoring, such as when we begin our long-awaited vacation, when we enjoy a delicious meal, or when we score the winning points for our team. But what happens when we really don’t want to be in this particular moment? For most teachers and students, it’s an experience we know all too well. Let’s imagine that this is the moment a parent challenges you in a meeting or the moment you learn that a colleague was diagnosed with a serious illness. For students, maybe this is the moment you make a mistake in class, do something awkward in front of your friends, or learn that you were left out of a social gathering. These examples illustrate the range of human experience. Much of our daily experience is less emotionally charged, but for the sake of simplicity, let’s work with the examples above.

A vacation, a good meal, and a win are very pleasant, so we might meet these moments with anticipation and delight. We typically want to have more experiences like these. Dealing with difficult people can make us anxious, and we gear up for the possibility of a parent-meeting confrontation. Hearing bad news unnerves us, and we find all manner of reasons to put off calling the sick colleague. The in-class mistake, the public display of awkwardness, or the exclusion from a peer group can also upset students, who may feel like running away and hiding.

Each moment comes with its own feeling quality—pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral—even if we’re not always aware of it. The basic attitude we humans share about experience is that we want more of the pleasant variety and less (or none) of the unpleasant. In fact, “stress” could be just another name for “unpleasant.” It’s important to note that there’s no advantage in seeking out unpleasant experiences and nothing wrong with enjoying, sustaining, and appreciating the pleasant ones. In fact, mindfully savoring positive experience promotes resilience (Smith & Bryant, 2016). But, when we have problems coping without drama when the inevitable difficulties of life arise, or when we voluntarily add to our own stress burden, some balance needs to be restored.

Fueled by the expectation that we can make unpleasant things go away, we often try very hard to manage our stress or unpleasant experience by trying to fix it. After one round of a diet regimen, we regain most of the weight, and move on to another diet, and then another, with the same results. We use alcohol and other substances to help us relax and fix our troubles by forgetting, only to wake up in the middle of the night with the problems racing around in our heads. We become chronically irritable and overcontrolling toward a student who has a knack for getting on our nerves, anticipating her every annoying move in advance. There’s a cyclical quality to our stress management, characterized by repeated efforts to transform unpleasant situations into those that suit us better. Sometimes we manage to make this strategy work, but in the long term we usually end up facing the same problems over and over again, frustrating ourselves in the process.

It is sensible and intelligent to apply the skills of fixing and problem solving to those things that are amenable to change. Certainly, there’s no advantage in mindless acceptance of that which is inefficient or harmful to oneself or others. This is why we teach students to plan, reason, and problem solve (Elias & Tobias, 1996; Kendall & Braswell, 1982). For the most part, such approaches rely on logical thinking and are most successfully applied to well-defined problems with well-defined solutions, such as how to study, solve math problems, and eat healthfully. But not all teacher or student problems are well-defined (Kitchener, 1983). Some of the very real challenges of life and the classroom are ill-defined problems that have emotional underpinnings and no clear-cut answers. How can I handle my angry students? How can I manage to sustain empathy for parents who are uninvolved? How can I maintain my sense of balance when I’m constantly being asked to do more? Mindfulness offers another way to approach the difficult, ill-defined problems and uncomfortable feelings of real life, both for teachers and students. It begins by recognizing that uncomfortable feelings may be a signal that you need to act in some way, but that feelings are not, in themselves, the problem.

Many of the risky and potentially dangerous behaviors of adolescents—procrastination, disruptiveness, disordered eating, cutting, drinking, violence, taking drugs, technological addiction, and so on—have a common denominator. They likely involve avoiding unpleasant emotional experience by trying to make it go away. The extent to which we do this is a measure of our distress tolerance (García-Oliva & Piqueras, 2016; Simons & Gaher, 2005). We all have our limits, but individuals who are highly intolerant of distress and unable to cope adaptively have quick triggers and are more likely to suffer from a range of psychological and behavioral problems (Zvolensky & Hogan, 2013). We know that we are primed to react consciously and unconsciously to threat. High levels of stress or trauma can sensitize people to stress, making the slings and arrows of life more difficult for them to bear. Sometimes, risky behavior like drug abuse can start as an attempt to silence the memories of past pain. But our generally allergic reaction to unpleasantness can also be manifested in more ordinary ways, like avoiding boring homework, cutting classes, or misbehaving. Student behaviors that attempt to make unwanted, uncomfortable feelings like inadequacy, boredom, restlessness, or anxiety go away are common, and they are also supported by certain implicit assumptions. Specifically, we appear to endorse the culturally reinforced belief that unpleasant things should go away. When we can’t make the unpleasant parts of life go away, we often pile on some judgment, criticizing ourselves and others for life’s imperfect circumstances.

It bears repeating that it’s not harmful to try to fix problems or make things better. This is just common sense. The problem is that without some awareness of our knee-jerk inclination to perceive unpleasant things as threatening, our attempts to fix certain things can make them worse. Imagine this hypothetical scenario. A student is walking up the school stairway surrounded by classmates. He stumbles badly, falls and hits his knee, dropping the athletic equipment and books he is carrying, and lands face downward on the stairs. The rest of the kids turn to see what happened. Some ask if he’s okay; others start to giggle and poke fun at him. His face feels flushed, his heart races, and his knee really hurts. He hurriedly pulls himself together and moves along as quickly as he can. From the outside, it looks like he’s recovered. But on the inside, his mind races: They must think I’m really stupid. Come on, don’t be a baby. Suck it up and get back up. Don’t show them you got hurt. I know someone tripped me. I’ll show them.

The mental chatter resumes later as he thinks about his friends’ teasing, fueling his internal distress. Every time he passes that stairway, he remembers himself sprawled on the stairs. He’s sure everyone else remembers it, too. Ruminative processing about how he could be so clumsy plays out in an endless mental loop. He attempts to avoid and suppress the embarrassment of the incident by placing the blame on others and plotting some revenge. Not only is the fall unpleasant in terms of the physical sensations in the body, but his discomfort is amplified by his evaluative stream of thoughts. Mental elaboration sustains the unpleasantness of the physical injury, creating emotional distress. Pain is felt in the knee, but suffering is in the mind. It’s a double whammy. His automatic thoughts and emotions trigger the physiological cascade associated with the stress response. His mind continues its playback loop in an effort to justify his experience and avoid feelings of shame and helplessness. And, perhaps most importantly, these efforts are largely ineffective, because the painful memory surfaces again and again. Students are not the only ones who handle perceived threats by trying to avoid uncomfortable feelings. Similar thought streams (e.g., I shouldn’t have to put up with this. Things shouldn’t be so hard) might also sound familiar to teachers.

You might be wondering what the alternative is, given our ingrained human habit of trying to change or avoid the unpleasant. Maybe it’s not too surprising that contemporary researchers have recognized what many traditional approaches to well-being have long stated: avoidance of negative or uncomfortable emotions is usually not helpful, let alone possible (Hayes, 1994). While avoidance of unpleasant thoughts, feelings, and sensations may produce some immediate gratification, chronic avoidance is associated with a number of problematic outcomes when it becomes a coping style (Spinhoven, Drost, de Rooij, van Hemert, & Penninx, 2014). This knowledge might be particularly important for adolescents, whose brains are especially sensitive to emotional experience and whose habits of coping are becoming established.

Adolescents report more daily experience of negative affect from ages 10 to 18 (Larson, Moneta, Richards & Wilson, 2002) but have more difficulty identifying and sorting out their feelings of anger, sadness, fear, disgust, and upset compared to younger children and adults (Nook, Sasse, Lambert, McLaughlin & Somerville, 2018). Presumably, the adolescent experience of negative affect involves co-occurring emotions that are more complex than those experienced in childhood and that pose greater coping challenges. As described in the hypothetical example, commonly used adolescent strategies for coping with distress (e.g., emotion avoidance, emotion suppression, and rumination) are maladaptive and related to more problems down the line. Although avoidance of emotional experience may offer short-term relief, the longer-term consequences can include depression, anxiety, restricted opportunity, and poor social relationships (Eastabrook, Flynn, & Hollenstein, 2014). Rumination, or the repetitive focus on negative events, thoughts, or feelings in order to reduce the pain of a situation, is a well-known risk factor for depression and anxiety among youth and adults (Rood, Roelofs, Bögels, Nolen-Hoeksema, & Schouten, 2009). A recent examination of multiple studies showed that the maladaptive strategies many youth employ to manage their emotional distress actually play a causal role in the development of subsequent problems (Schäfer, Naumann, Holmes, Tuschen-Caffier, & Samson, 2017). Many major mental disorders have their start in adolescence, and less severe symptoms of disorders like anxiety and depression are alarmingly common (Lee et al., 2014; Spear, 2009).

The mental advances that secondary school teachers recognize in their students, such as the ability to reason abstractly or to take the perspective of others, also come with a price. Because youth can think abstractly, they can also engage in hypothetical thinking (e.g., What if I were richer or thinner, like her?) and can reach counterfactual conclusions (e.g., Then I would be happier). The very same mentalizing skills that allow students to take the perspective of Atticus Finch in Harper Lee’s novel, To Kill a Mockingbird, allow them to imagine and mull over what their peers and teachers are thinking about them (Blakemore & Mills, 2014). Social media offers a ready platform for comparing oneself to others, a process called social comparison. Social comparison processes, already elevated during adolescence, are exacerbated by excessive media use and linked to depressive symptoms (Nesi & Prinstein, 2015). Cyberbullying is perceived as especially threatening to adolescents because one’s shaming is on public display, comparison with others is exposed, and social isolation is threatened (Nilan, Burgess, Hobbs, Threadgold, & Alexander, 2015).

Overall, despite many obvious advantages, adolescent changes in cognitive and emotional development can lead to increased rumination and emotional distress for some youth. Just as educators work diligently to prepare students with academic knowledge and skills for the next stage of their life, so, too, should we prepare them with other life skills related to healthy emotion regulation. The importance of this social and emotional skill set can’t be overestimated for adolescents, who are at an age when emotionality increases and adult patterns of emotion regulation are beginning to be consolidated (Paus, Keshavan, & Giedd, 2008).

How Mindfulness Helps Regulate Emotions

A major developmental advance during adolescence is the increasing ability to reason, make decisions, and think abstractly. These kinds of cognitive processes are rational and logical, referred to as “cool cognitions” (e.g., These are the factors that led to the civil war, or Here are some steps I can take to break down this project), and they are often taught in decision making and study skills courses (Bergmann & Rudman, 1985). When thinking and decision making are done in an emotional context, as in a group of peers, cognition can be less rational. The so-called emotional or “hot cognitions” can distort thinking and underlie many impulsive acts (e.g., Forget about that homework. Let’s party!). It’s difficult for most of us, but especially for adolescents, to override powerful emotions in order to think coolly and rationally, even if we know better. The student who keeps checking her phone in class can’t seem to resist seeing her best friend’s messages despite her teacher’s disapproval. The student who fell on the stairs may not easily let go of his angry thoughts. In an effort to feel more of the pleasant things, like excitement, and fewer of the unpleasant things, like rejection or shame, adolescents may behave in ways that prove unproductive, especially if these behaviors ultimately become well-established patterns.

Mindfulness gets to the root of these tendencies by encouraging exploration and acceptance of all feelings, without judgment. Mindful awareness of one’s thoughts and emotions includes not just being present and curious about pleasant experience, but about all experience. This is a hard but crucial truth. Mindfulness is not about feeling a certain way; it’s about feeling whatever is present in your life right now in order to have greater discernment about how to respond. This involves changing our relationship to feelings, perhaps especially to unpleasant ones. Rather than trying to escape as soon as we notice them, we actually acknowledge them, and perhaps even make some peace with them. This is what the practice of awareness and nonreactivity fosters.

Some studies show that simply being focused on observing thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations is not helpful and may even add to anxiety (e.g., Oh no, here comes that anxious thought again!). Importantly, it’s how we observe—nonjudgmentally, with curiosity, and without reactivity—that promotes emotion regulation (e.g., Where is the anxiety in my body right now? Can I be curious about it? Can I simply watch the anxious thoughts come and go?) (Baer et al., 2008; Desrosiers, Curtiss, Vine, & Klemanski, 2014).

The process of observing emotions and thoughts nonreactively offers us a glimpse into the operations of our mind. Instead of being caught up as the lead performer in our mental drama, we have a front-row seat for the play. This permits greater perspective and deeper understanding. It also tempers the fear we often have of feeling our own feelings, because there is less automatic avoidance. If we are avoiding something, we notice that as well, but without commentary and without judging. Emotions become more tolerable because we have the courage to feel them, and from our new vantage point, we can see that they ebb and flow. There is less pressure to fix them and greater acceptance of our basic human experience.

Dispassionate observation and acknowledgement of experience, both pleasant and unpleasant, is a lot easier to do when the focus is on the breath or on some activity like eating. This is why teachers often start there. But the rubber really hits the road with stress. Compassionate acknowledgment of our unpleasant feelings and our typical ways of coping with them (e.g., harsh self criticism, lashing out, mental brooding, gossip, bullying, self-harm) is the doorway to reducing our reactivity and lessening our stress overall. We notice the inner mental and emotional experience, and, as best we can, we let it be. This practice has an interesting effect: It releases us from trying to solve the problem of unpleasant emotions. We struggle and stress less. We find less reactive and more regulated ways of working with difficult, ill-defined problems. We pull the plug, metaphorically speaking, to deactivate the stress cascade.

A Mindful Approach to Challenges

We know, at some deep level, that feeling our fear, anger, shame, irritation, anxiety, and sadness is better than masking it. But because it’s not what we usually do, we need to practice. You can try a mindfulness experiment when you next experience something unpleasant (i.e., stress). Maybe your child is cranky before school and you have to rush to get yourself to work. Unpleasant. Perhaps a person who was supposed to help you with a project doesn’t show up. Unpleasant. Perhaps your back pain returns or a student disrupts your class and you can’t finish your lesson. Unpleasant. We can’t escape all stress, but we don’t need to make it worse. Remember that no one is advocating we deliberately try to make ourselves uncomfortable or search out unpleasant experiences in order to suffer more. There are plenty of naturally occurring events throughout the day when we don’t get our own way. Simply acknowledging the affective quality of our experience (i.e., pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral) and the accompanying bodily sensations, thoughts, and feelings adds a different perspective to the experience, building resilience and grit (Duckworth, 2016). This kind of emotional resilience can protect adolescents from being overwhelmed by intense feelings of anger, sadness, or other distressing emotions that can lead to destructive actions.

Teachers are natural caregivers whose instincts are often oriented to making things better, so mindfulness of one’s own tendency to avoid discomfort is also a good starting point. When it comes to emotions, not everything can be fixed or made pleasant, and we can’t use performance-based thinking for emotional issues. Many adolescents have come to believe that only pleasant emotions are acceptable and that uncomfortable emotions are a sign of personal weakness or substandard performance in life. This fallacy presents a great but avoidable mental burden. It is critically important that students learn to recognize their uncomfortable feelings in the moment and understand that they do not have to like these feelings if they are to regulate distress in a balanced and wholesome way.

Teachers can help students understand their own tendency to cover up unpleasant feelings by modeling emotional balance. For example, teachers might respond to student pressure or complaints about schoolwork by acknowledging the obvious dissatisfaction without fixing or confrontation. It may be possible, when there is clearly something causing stress in the classroom, to recognize it openly, nonjudgmentally, and in the moment, thus modeling for students a mindful approach to unpleasant circumstances. The practices included in this chapter can provide the foundation for this emotional skill.

Sometimes pressures related to time or performance demands, fatigue, restlessness, and boredom build up in the classroom, and students react in negative ways. Simply avoiding the obviousness of the circumstances by pressing ahead can make matters worse. Allowing students to take a few mindful breaths or engage in some movement can demonstrate acceptance of the situation (e.g., I know we’ve been working hard, and you’re feeling tired) and provide tools for stress management. Simple recognition of the body and feeling its sensations (e.g., noticing feet on the floor, tension in the shoulders) without changing anything can be a particularly effective antidote to stress. Body awareness or interoception helps students regulate their stress because it grounds attention in the physical body and reduces the amplification of distress caused by spiraling thought streams and emotional reactivity (Roeser & Pinela, 2014).

While classroom “peace corners” or places where students can go to self-regulate are becoming more popular for younger children (Lantieri, 2002), they are not usually available to adolescents. The purpose of a classroom peace corner is to provide students a safe place where they have an opportunity to handle strong emotions by recognizing them, accepting them, and restoring balance. They can then find a responsible way to act without hurting themselves or others. The opportunity to take a voluntary break to restore emotional control is certainly something adolescents need. Offering some nondisciplinary means for this process in secondary education settings could help adolescents develop better self-regulation and ultimately improve learning.

Patricia Broderick, PhD, is a research associate at the Penn State Prevention Research Center. She is a licensed psychologist, certified school psychologist, certified school counselor, and the author of a mindfulness curriculum. She is the author of “Mindfulness in the Secondary Classroom: A Guide for Teaching Adolescents.“

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