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writingwhimsey · 2 months

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Married to The Enemy- Shingen Ch. 37

Warning: This chapter got a little long haha. Sorry!

Chapter 37

A week had passed since Shingen’s surgery. Dr. Sato had given us the wonderful news that Shingen’s tumor had been benign. I was thrilled by this news as was Shingen. Even better, Shingen was being released from the hospital! Granted we still had to make a few followup appointments to be sure Shingen was healing okay and there were no signs of the tumor coming back or any new tumors growing. The doctor was confident there wouldn’t be, but we still had to come back to be sure.

Given the timing of the appointments, this would keep us in the future for a minimum of six months. While I wanted to get back to our home (and I know Shingen did as well), I was excited to get to share so much of my original time with him. I had a spring in my step as I made my way to Shingen’s room, a small bag of clothes for him in my hand.

“Good morning, my angel.” Shingen greeted me as I walked into his room, wearing another flowy sundress.

“Good morning, my love.” I greeted, walking over and giving him a peck on the lips.

“Your smile looks especially radiant today.” He said, lifting a hand to caress my cheek.

“Well, I do get to take you out of here today.” I replied. “Which means you’re healing up well.”

Shingen smiled. “And it means I get to sleep with you in my arms tonight.”

I grinned. “There is that.” It had only been a handful of nights I had been allowed to stay at the hospital with Shingen. Most of the time they shooed me out when visiting hours were over. And since his surgery, I hadn’t dared even sit in the bed with him, afraid I’d hurt him.

It was then that a nurse was coming in. She was removing Shingen’s IV and unhooking him from all of the monitors he’d been attached to during his stay. Shortly after she finished and left, Dr. Sato was coming in to give us Shingen’s discharge instructions.

“Alright, Mr. Takahashi, how are you feeling?” He asked.

“Pretty good.” Shingen answered. “And rather excited to get out of here.”

Dr. Sato smiled. “I can imagine.” He said. “Just remember to take things easy. I know you are used to a higher activity level, but you should slowly work back up to that. Your body is still healing. Nothing too strenuous for a few weeks. Though do keep walking and moving. We don’t want blood clots to develop. Your incision should be close to being completely closed up, but still keep the area clean and dry to keep away infection. Be careful not to reopen it as well. Then we’ll see you back here in two weeks for your first followup.”

“Don’t worry, I will make sure he follows all of those instructions.” I said.

The doctor gave us more instructions and we had to sign a few forms, then we were free to get Shingen out of there. I was pulling the clothes I had brought for Shingen from the bag. I explained what I had brought for him, a pair of black basketball shorts, a white t-shirt, some boxers, socks and the sandals he had been wearing when we arrived. I was good at figuring out most clothing sizes…but shoe sizes were a bit more difficult.

“These are some more comfy clothes. I figured since you’re still recovering, we’ll just head back to the apartment and just have an in-home night. We’ll watch some movies and I’ll make us a nice dinner and some chocolate chip cookies.” I told Shingen, when he finished getting dressed, looking incredibly handsome even in such relaxed clothing.

“These are pretty comfortable.” Shingen replied. “Are you sure you don’t want to go out? I’m feeling pretty good.”

“Shingen, you’re still on pain medication.” I replied. “Also Dr. Sato just said you have to take it easy. And there is nothing easier than cuddling up at home on the couch and watching some movies.”

Shingen smiled. “I still don’t understand what these movies are, but I like the sound of cuddling up with you.” He was then wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into a hug.

I smiled as I reveled in that hug. “Alright, let’s get going. I’m ready to get you home…well our temporary home anyways.”

Shingen smiled. “I am looking forward to it.” He said, kissing me on the forehead.

We left the hospital, hand-in-hand. I happily led Shingen to the apartment building and to our apartment. “Now it’s nothing fancy or anything, but it will do for what we need while we’re here.” I said as I unlocked the door. “Welcome home, Shingen.”

Shingen smiled as he stepped inside and looked around the modern apartment. While I had been spending every spare moment I could at the hospital over the last week, my grandmother had brought over some of my old things. So I had been able to decorate the place a bit.

“I like it.” Shingen said. “It feels…like you.”

I felt my cheeks heating up. “Alright, now let me give you the grand tour.” I told him, as we took off our shoes. “This is the living room area here. This table and chairs marks the dining area. This is the kitchen. Down this little hall we have a linen closet here and then this door leads to the bathroom and then here is our bedroom.”

Shingen’s gray eyes swept over the room, taking in everything. It honestly made me a little self-conscious and worried. Did I clean it well enough? And what does he think of my decorating I wonder? I mean anything has to be better than the sterile white of the hospital room he’s been in for so long now.

“I like it. And I like that this bed is definitely big enough for the two of us.” Shingen said, giving me a rather seductive smile as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.

I giggled as I returned the embrace, wrapping my arms around his waist and resting my head against his chest. I could hear his heartbeat beneath my ear. That was a sound I would never take for granted. “It has felt too big without you.” I replied. “Cuddling that spare pillow isn’t the same as cuddling up with you.”

“How can one person be so adorable?” Shingen asked before his fingers were slipping beneath my chin, tipping my head back before planting his lips on mine.

I parted my lips when I felt the prodding of his tongue, allowing the kiss to deepen. How did he always taste so sweet? We were both panting by the time we broke the kiss. I smiled up at Shingen. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Shingen replied, his hand stroking my cheek.

I was in danger of being swept away in those seductive gray eyes. Getting swept up in the fact that he was out of the hospital and we were in the bedroom we were going to be sharing over these next few months…

“Are you hungry? I was thinking you’ve been living off of hospital food for so long now that I would make us a really nice dinner. A full spread.” I said.

“You don’t have to cook.” Shingen replied.

“But I want to.” I replied, my cheeks reddening a bit. “I…I like the idea of cooking a nice romantic dinner to enjoy with my husband.”

“Well, I can’t refuse an offer like that, then.” Shingen replied, kissing me on the forehead.

We exited the bedroom and went to the kitchen. I had told Shingen to make himself comfy on the couch, but he said he wanted to help me in the kitchen. Though really all he did was stand behind me, arms wrapped around my waist as I cooked for us. He would occasionally kiss the side of my neck.

“Mmm, it smells good. I’m not sure if it’s the food or you.” Shingen said after placing another kiss on the side of my neck.

I let out a giggle. “I wonder if you’ll say the same once I start on the cookies later.”

“What are these cookies you’ve mentioned?” Shingen asked.

“They’re a delicious dessert. One of the best sweets ever made.” I answered. “Though the best part about them is that you can eat the dough before you bake it and it’s just as delicious.”

“Hmm, sounds good.” Shingen replied. “Though I thought you were my dessert.” He was then peppering more kisses along the side of my neck once again.

I was giggling. “You’re incorrigible.” I said though I was happy to have Shingen and his doting affection.

Once I finally got dinner finished we were sitting down to eat. “This is delicious.” Shingen declared after his first bite. He then proceeded to eat the meal with gusto.

I smiled, my cheeks flushed pleasantly from the compliment on my cooking. “I’m glad you like it.” I could see why Masamune loved to cook for others.

Shingen reached across the table and took my hand in his, bringing it to his lips and pressing a gentle kiss to the back. “I think it is all the more delicious for being made by these beautiful hands.”

I grinned, my cheeks flushing further. “You exaggerate…you flirt.”

Shingen kissed my hand again. “I can’t help it when it comes to you, my love.”

We finished our dinner and then we were back in the kitchen, working on the cookies. “That dough smells delicious.” Shingen said.

“It tastes even better.” I replied, dipping my finger into the bowl and scooping up a bit of the dough. I held my finger up to Shingen’s lips. “You should try it.”

Shingen smiled seductively at me as he parted his lips and took my finger between them. I could feel his tongue sliding sensually over my finger, swirling around it. His gaze held mine as he thoroughly licked my finger clean.

“Mmm, that is delicious.” Shingen said, still grinning after he had released my finger.

I couldn’t think of a response. I was melting from the way he looked at me and the way his tongue had swirled over my finger…reminding me of the other things that tongue was capable of doing.

“Ava, are you alright?” Shingen asked, lifting his hand to caress my cheek.

“Fine.” I replied. “I just…we have cookies to finish baking.” I was then turning back to get things ready.

Shingen chuckled as he moved to stand behind me, his hands going to rest on my hips. He was then kissing my neck just as he had while I had been making dinner. “I still think you might be sweeter.”

Somehow I managed to get the cookies baked. I got Shingen to settle in on the couch and had a plate of cookies. “I’m going to put on my pajamas and then I’ll settle in with you and we’ll watch a movie.”

“I look forward to seeing your pajamas.” He said, grinning at me before picking up a cookie.

I felt myself flushing once again. “You better not eat all of those cookies while I’m gone.” I teased.

“I make no promises.They’re delicious.” Shingen replied.

I giggled and then headed to change. I took off my sundress and bra and slid into a pair of cotton pajama shorts that were pink and white striped and a white tank top. I then headed out to join Shingen in the living room.

Shingen’s eyes widened as I came out of the bedroom. He was setting the plate of cookies off to the side and opening his arms up for me. “Come here, my angel.”

I giggled as I sat down by him and nestled into his arms. “I take it you like my pajamas?”

“I like all of the clothes you’ve been wearing since we’ve come to your time.” Shingen replied, his hands beginning to run over my legs. “All of your clothes have been so…revealing. I like them.”

I giggled. “Why did I have a feeling you would?” I asked, grinning up at him.

“Because you know me so well, my love.” Shingen replied, leaning in to give me a peck on the lips.

I smiled at him. “Alright, we should get this movie going.” I declared grabbing the remote and flipping on the TV.

“You said these movies are like plays that have been recorded to be watched over and over, right?” Shingen asked.

I nodded. “Yup, that’s the gist of it. And we use the TV’s to watch them…and I think we should start with one of my favorites, The Princess Bride.”

“A favorite? Well, then I definitely have to pay attention to this.” Shingen said. “What is it you love about it?”

“It’s a love story with adventure and fantasy. A dashing rescue. The works.” I answered.

Shingen smiled and hugged me tighter. “Then I think I will definitely enjoy it as well.”

We snuggled up on the couch and I found the movie and got it playing. Shingen kept his arms around me the entire time we watched the movie. He would turn his head every so often to place a kiss on my forehead or the top of my head. But he was definitely paying attention to the movie.

“A very romantic story indeed.” Shingen said once the movie had finished. “I can see why you like it so much.”

“What did you think of it?” I asked.

“A good…movie.” Shingen answered. “I liked it.”

I smiled happy that he had enjoyed one of my favorite movies. “Why don’t we watch another one?”

Shingen smiled at me. “As you wish.”***

I may or may not have melted right there. I leaned in and gave him a peck on the lips. “How can one man be so perfect?” I asked after pulling away.

“I am far from perfect.” Shingen countered.

“Well, you’re pretty perfect for me.” I replied. “Quoting my favorite movie. Being so sweet and loving and affectionate. Always making me smile and laugh. Your kindness. I could go on all night.”

“As could I about you, my angel.” Shingen replied. “Though I would rather show you my love in another way.” He was then pulling me closer, his large hands beginning to wander over my curves. His lips on my neck.

I giggled. “Shingen…you just got out of the hospital.”

“Yes, and I am feeling perfectly well.” Shingen replied, nipping at my ear.

I shivered. “Shingen…you heard the doctor…he said nothing…strenuous…”

“There is absolutely nothing strenuous about loving my goddess.” Shingen countered. He was then moving, pulling me into his lap. He’d had to twist his torso…and I saw him wince.

“What was that?”

“N…Nothing…” Shingen let out in a partial groan.

I put my hands on either side of his face. I could see the pain in his eyes. “As much as I would love nothing more than to make love right now, I’d really rather you not hurt yourself.” I said. “You just got out of the hospital…you just had surgery a week ago. Major surgery at that.”

“You are…probably right.” Shingen admitted with a resigned sigh. “But once I have made a full recovery, I plan to worship my goddess properly for taking such good care of me.”

“And I won’t stop you then.” I replied, grinning. “Let me go get your medication.” I gave him a kiss and then returned with the pain medicine and a glass of water.

After that, Shingen and I settled in to watch another movie, all cuddled up once again. By the end of the movie, we were heading for bed, the medicine making Shingen drowsy. Once we had climbed under the covers, Shingen’s arms were wrapping around me and pulling me close.

I nestled into his embrace, my head resting against his chest. I could feel his warmth and hear his heart beating beneath my ear. I could breathe in his scent. “I love you, Shingen.” I murmured as my eyes slowly drifted closed.

“I love you, Ava.” Shingen replied.

We both fell asleep quickly and slept quite soundly wrapped up in each other’s arms. Having Shingen was definitely better than any pillow.

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clairifys · 9 months

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My love for you - Dick Winters x fem!reader

Genre: Angst, fluff, happy-ending

warnings: death, war, smoking, allusions to intercourse, and probably language.

word count: 2.6k

In no way do I own the HBO series and in no way do i intend to disrespect any of the actual people who went through this.

A story in which a (h/c) haired woman has to do surgery on Easy Company's captain and they end up falling deeper in love with each other.

September, 1943

The first time Dick saw the (h/c) woman was when he’d had to drop off supplies and necessities for when the surgery nurse was to come along with the Easy Company on their travels as the companies needed more surgeons to come with to Europe. He knew that some of the men had gone to the nursing station more frequently than needed for the nurse, but he’d never met her.

Dick wasn’t one to believe in love at first sight, but the girl made it hard to keep his belief up. He’d brought the supply boxes to the office, and when he went to open the door, he gasped in surprise when the woman beat him to it

“Oh! Hello there. I wasn’t expecting anyone, I’m sorry if I gave you a fright!” The beautiful woman had said with a toothy smile.

“It’s quite alright, I should’ve knocked before coming in.” He said with a smile of his own.

“I was instructed to give you these and explain the timeline of what’d be going on from here and on.” He’d told her, which was partially a lie. He only needed to drop off the boxes and ensure she was ready for what they’d be doing, but what she didn’t know wouldn’t kill her.

“Well thank you sir. I was actually about to go see if I’d gotten the new supplies I needed before we left so you saved me a trip!” The woman said while taking the boxes from him.

December, 1944

The second time the two saw each other again was when Captain Winters had been hit in Bastogne after sending Lieutenant Speirs out to relieve Lieutenant Dike from his position. He’d gotten yelled at by his major and he called Speirs to take over. He’d been too far in the open that a Kraut had gotten him right in the chest. After that, he blacked out.

The woman had been cleaning out her small area in the makeshift hospital in the basement of an old cathedral. She had her own area along with a few other surgeons as they needed more room for different surgeries.

Thankfully she hadn’t gotten too many injured men in the past week but it seemed that today her luck would change.

Renée came running into her room with a few soldiers tailing her - including her recent admirer Eugene.

“(Y/n)! Un soldat important a reçu une balle dans la poitrine ! Nous devons le stabiliser avant de le déplacer !” (An important soldier was shot in the chest! We need to stabilize him before we move him!)

“Le lit est dressé ! Posez-le et appelez d'autres médecins !’ (The bed is made! Put him down and call other doctors!)

The soldiers placed him down when Eugene had translated for them. When (Y/n) had seen who it was, she froze. She only came back to her senses when the other doctors came in and started asking about what to do, where she quickly took charge in telling them how to treat the wound.

After two long hours of stopping the bleeding and carefully trying to remove the bullet without puncturing an organ, they stitched the man up and moved him closer to Bastogne in a nicer, nursing station. (Y/n) was instructed to follow them to monitor and watch Captain Winters in case emergency surgery was needed again, or if he’d ripped a stitch. The only thing the woman got from them telling her that was, ‘He’s a captain?’.

Captain Winters had woken up a day later, attempting to get up, he stopped himself when a seething pain stabbed at his chest. He groaned and slowly laid back down.

(Y/n) had heard him groaning, and went to see how he was holding up and to tell him to be careful, but when she arrived, all words seemed to die out.

“Hello, sir.. Do you remember me?” ‘God what a stupid question. Of course he doesn’t remember me! We met one time! Just because you thought he was cute doesn’t mean he does.’ The girl thought as she grimaced at what came out of her mouth.

“Oh jeez, I’m sorry for being so unprofession-” The girl got cut off by the man’s words.

“Of course I remember you, you’re the woman with the pretty (h/c) hair.” The redhead blurted out without thinking. Before the man could get too wrapped up in his own self-deprecating thoughts, (Y/n) giggled.

“Well I sure am glad to hear that! Now, how about giving you some food and helping you wash up, you’re on bedrest for at least two weeks. After that, we’ll see how you're progressing.”

“I like the idea of that.” The man replied.

After eating a warm meal for what felt like the first time in years, the man was to be helped into the bath to get a much needed scrub down after being caked in blood, sweat and grime.

“I didn’t know you were a captain, sir.” (Y/n) mumbled while gently washing his hair.

“I was recently appointed one. Also, please, drop the formalities, you can call me Dick.” The man smiled while talking, he hadn’t felt this relaxed since he was forced to take a weekend in Paris by himself.

“Oh! Alright then, Dick.” The woman said sweetly while Dick relaxed in the soapy bath with a beautiful woman massaging his scalp. The last thing he thought before falling asleep in the bath was, ‘I could get used to this.’

December 25, 1944

“Hello Dick, Merry Christmas!” (Y/n) smiled at him, out of her ragged surgeon clothing and into a nice winter dress.

“Merry Christmas to you too - I thought you had a weekend pass for Christmas?” The redhead asked, slightly taken aback by her outfit and her presence.

“Oh! I did, but I felt too bad to leave you here by yourself, so I thought I’d stay with you.” (Y/n) said while nervously fiddling with her pin-up curls.

Nobody ever gave Dick this kind of affection before, and it made his chest swell with love. He’d thought he was going to be stuck alone on Christmas with nothing to do and nothing to look forward to, but like an angel sent from heaven in the form of a beautiful (h/c) woman, he’d been saved.

(Y/n) read Gone with the Wind to Dick all day as her mother had sent it from America for her to read.

When the two weeks had come and gone, it was time to let Dick go back to war. Many men came to see him well before the two weeks and most were excited to have their Captain back.

(Y/n) was ordered to go back to the basement turned hospital, but when she arrived, the building was set ablaze as bombs rang through the air.

“Renée?!” She screamed out, looking for the woman who’d give her chocolate, and was always kind to her.

People were screaming around her, but she heard none of it as she ran up to the burning building. She stopped when she saw a man she recognized as Eugene Roe, Easy Company’s field medic holding up Renée’s headscarf. (Y/n) knew that they were acquainted, but she didn’t know how far it truly went.

“Renée..” The woman softly called out, looking more like a kicked puppy than the strong woman Eugene saw tending to his captain.

“Here, ya’ should have this.” Eugene told her, his accent shining through.

The woman had tears streaming down her cheeks as she took it from him, thanking him profusely. He simply nodded and said he needed to check on the others who were hurt and made it out, and he left with a sad smile.

Dick heard the woman’s friend was killed by Kraut bombs when (Y/n) had come to a nursing station in Bastogne to continue to help out. He saw the way she wasn’t as optimistic to tend to soldiers' injuries, or to joke around with the men she’d become well acquainted with. It broke his heart to see the woman he loves become a shell of a person.

(Y/n) continued on, not only for herself, but for Renée as well. She knew that Renée would’ve wanted her to, and would’ve done the same thing. (Y/n) still wore the same uniform as before (albeit with a jacket and scarf as it was freezing in Bastogne) but now, she wore the blonde woman’s headscarf. A few months went by and slowly but surely, (Y/n)’s attitude had started shifting. She became more open again, and joked around more with her patients and soldiers.

As Easy Company moved to Hagenau, so did (Y/n). She always moved with them, most times though she’d travel with the nurses, though most had been killed in the past couple of months.

One night, when (Y/n) was attempting to fall back asleep after a nightmare, which was proving to be quite the challenge, she decided to get up and get some fresh air. With heavy feet, she grabbed her night robe to throw over white nightgown, and stepped into her slippers while grabbing her Lucky’s.

When she made it outside, she leaned against the wall and pulled out a cigarette. While lighting it, she began to think, before a voice next to her made her jump.

“Smoking isn’t very good for your health, I thought you’d know that (Y/n).” A certain redhead said.

“You almost gave me a heart attack to tell me that?” The woman spit back while smiling at the captain.

“You seem to be fiesty tonight. Any explanation as to why?” Winters asked while smiling at her.

“This is how I normally act, I’m just so tired, that I’m not acting like a sweet little nurse.” She explained while taking a long drag out of her smoke.

The two’s eyes were locked, gazing softly at each other. Time felt as if it slowed down for a little and they started to slowly inch their faces towards each other while closing their eyes, when they were a centimeter apart, a door swung open by none other than Webster.

“Oh..OH! Oh, gee I’m sorry!” He quickly said while running back inside.

(Y/n) embarrassedly, told Dick goodnight while putting out her cigarette, as Dick said the same, too embarrassed to say anything else.

When (Y/n) was in bed that night, her smoke break turned out to be fruitless as now she was more awake than ever.

May, 1945

(Y/n) was sitting at the bar, tipsy and bordering being drunk with Shifty, talking about what they’d be doing when they got home, while everyone else was too busy drinking and playing games. The war had ended, Germany had surrendered and Hitler shot himself.

“I don’t know what I’ll be doing when I get home.” The woman told Shifty.

“I don’t have enough money to go back to school, and I need to get a husband sooner or later. Say, you’re a well-rounded man, if we’re not both married by 30, we should just marry each other.” That was definitely the alcohol talking as Shifty blushed an amazing red and replied, “I don’t think Captain Winters would be too happy with that, plus, you’re a beautiful woman, when you go home, men will flock to you.”

“I couldn’t have said it better.” A new voice chimed in.

“Dick! Where’d you come from!” The woman said, words spilling out without much thought as she put her around his waist due to his tall stature and Shifty slightly saluted him.

“I came to see you.” He said with a smile, completely serious.

“Well I was about to walk back! Walk with me.” The (h/c) woman told him while smiling a toothy grin towards him. He agreed and they left.

As they walked back, Dick had his arm tightly wrapped around her waist. He told himself it was to keep her safe, but he knew he just wanted an excuse to touch her. When they got back to her quarters, they stared into each other's eyes.

“May I kiss you, (Y/n)?” Dick whispered, scared she didn’t hear him. Without responding, the woman put her hands on his face, and stood on her tiptoes to lightly press her lips to his. Dick kissed back with no argument. They eventually had to pull apart for oxygen, but the second kiss came quicker and rougher, and he slowly opened her door to the house and pushed her in, as the kiss got more and more heated.

Eventually, they had made it upstairs into the bedroom, where they shared their love for each other.

July, 1946

“Dick, is this the correct house?” The woman asked.

“It has to be, this is where everyone’s meeting up.” He replied while getting out of the car and opening the door for his wife. (Y/n) got out and handed her husband the plate of cupcakes she made for the reunion between Easy Company. As they slowly walked up towards the front door, hand on her swollen stomach, David Webster swung the door open.

“Hey! You guys made it! I thought yo-�� he paused and looked down at the woman’s larger stomach, “(Y/n) you’re pregnant.”

“Oh really Web? I hadn’t a clue.” The woman said while slightly pushing him out of the way.

“Is it a boy! Or a girl?!” The man was almost more excited than them when they’d got the news.

“You’ll find out when everyone else does.” She told him while laughing and met up with the others who also congratulated her and Dick.

It’s safe to say Webster hadn’t tasted a better strawberry flavored cupcake than when (Y/n) had made them that day.

#band of brothers #bob #dick winters #dick winters x reader #eugene roe #ronald speirs #ron speirs #joe liebgott #band of brothers x reader

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storiesofsvu · 1 year

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Solace in Solitude Ch 5

Emily Prentiss x reader enemies to lovers warnings: language, medical talk (some of which is not accurate, don't at me), minor hurt/anxiety, y'all know the drill already. My deepest apologies for how long this update took. Life really took over, ya know? I hope it won't be that long before the next one! Don't wanna miss an update? Sign up for the taglist here! Like what you read? Interact, Tip your writer!🩵

Emily wasn’t sure if it was anxiety or excitement coursing through her veins but she was practically buzzing from the moment the first nurse of the day left her room. The reason for the buzzing of course, was that all that stood between her and getting discharged was your signature. One little scribble on the bottom of a piece of paper and she would be out of this godforsaken hospital room for good, back out in the real world with fresh air, proper food and she could only pray, an actual coffee. She felt a bit like a child on the very last day of school, where you were stuck watching the clock tick each second by while you stared out the window watching the sunny day go by, aching to be running through the field rather than trapped in class, even if all you were doing was watching a movie. She was ready to rip out her IV and wander through the streets of Paris and at least attempt to enjoy this forced vacation.

The issue being that you normally swung by earlier in the day, checking on her and making sure everything was good before you started your rounds on other patients, took in other traumas and dove into surgeries. Emily reluctantly sat through a morning of near silence, no one coming or going from her room while she played scrabble on her tablet before lunch was served. She made sure to eat every ounce of it, on the off chance this was some kind of test, before she spent the afternoon switching between napping and catching up on the most recent season of The Bachelor that seemed to have her enamoured. She swore the sun was almost setting in the skyline by the time you finally rounded the corner into her room, this time you were in cozy clothes instead of scrubs, a small smile on your face.

“Sorry. Things got a little crazy today, how are you?” You asked, sweeping through the room to glance through her chart.

“Aching to get out of here.” She replied with a soft sigh and you chuckled.

“Well… everything looks good.” You flicked the chart closed, moving to the table, “I’ll sign off on these, file them, take your IV out and we can finally be on our way.”

“Are you serious?” Her face lit up and you were pretty sure it was the first time you’d actually seen her smile, “like, you’re not fucking with me?”

“Why would I fuck with you?” You barked a laugh, “I know this is what you’ve been waiting for, I wouldn’t dare tease.”

“No last minute tests or scans?”

“Nope.” You smiled, “everything yesterday checked out perfectly. You’re doing good in PT, incisions all healed, ribs back to normal and in the places they should be. You,” you picked up one of the newer clipboards from the base of the bed, scrawling your name across a handful of dotted lines, “are free to go.” You pulled off the pages of discharge papers that were her copies, handing them to her, “there’s some after care instructions and a few other things in there you’ll need to read over.” Moving through the room you gloved up, swiftly taking out her IV, un-attaching her from the rest of the machines, “alright. I’m gonna go file these and punch out, give you time to make sure you’ve got everything.”

“Thanks.” Emily flashed you a bright smile as you collected all the paperwork you needed and disappeared from the room.

She let out a huge breath of relief, shifting from the bed as her eyes carefully glanced around the room to make sure she hadn’t missed packing anything up, not that she had much to begin with but she still wanted to double check. She had just tucked her phone charger into her bag when you popped back through the doorway, your bag tossed over your shoulder this time.

“Ready?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe.” She replied, cautiously picking up the small duffle, only wincing slightly when she got it over her shoulder.

“It’s not far.” You commented, digging through your bag until you found the spare metro card, passing it off to her, “that’s for the rest of the month.” You seamlessly switched to French as you exited the hospital doors in an attempt to blend in “have you been to Paris before?”

“Yeah.” She replied, pausing for a moment as you nodded toward your right in the direction of the metro, “lived here for a bit growing up.”

“Well, at least you won’t be utterly lost then.”

Conversation fell quieter as you ducked into the station, not only could Emily tell that you’d had a long day she was catching the vibe that you’d had a long week and were very much looking forward to getting home after you’d finished chaperoning her. On top of that, this was her first time out in civilization in months, she was a little on edge, a little rusty in her profiler ways as she discreetly listened to conversations around the two of you, eyes carefully darting around making sure your surroundings were safe and Ian wasn’t magically on the same train platform. You seemed to sense this, discreetly giving her wrist a gentle pinch when your train showed up so it wouldn’t look like you were fully giving her directions, guiding her to a seat at the back of the car where her back could be to the wall and she could keep an eye on things. You still weren’t sure on specifics but you knew she’d been a little freaked out about leaving the safety of the hospital, that this could be overwhelming for anyone getting discharged after that length of time much less someone who was living a fake life currently in order to survive.

A few stops later, you gently nudged at her good side and she followed you out of the car, taking note of what station it was and which exit you took that was closest to your destination. You nodded toward a little market, asking if she wanted to grab a couple of things on her way home and she agreed, silently slipping through the aisles until she’d found enough to last through a couple of days and met back with you at the counter. She felt awkward when you passed off cash to the shop owner, realizing she didn’t have any and you muttered an apology to her as you left the shop, saying you’d left her bank and credit cards in the apartment with her passports and stuff, not wanting to lose them. You took the bag from her so she wasn’t carrying too heavy of a load as you walked up another block and a half and you directed her to an apartment building, using the fob to get through the front door and into the elevator where you scanned it again to make it move.

“Extra security is nice.” Emily mumbled, letting out a breath as she relaxed into the back wall, “and I appreciate the escort, but you really didn’t need to come up with me.”

“I didn’t want you to struggle with two bags.” You retorted and she let out a little laugh, interrupting when you tried to continue your stream of thought.

“Am I not trusted with the key?”

“No, you’ve got your own.” You dug through your bag again, pulling the second chain from it to pass over to her.

“My… own?” She stalled slightly as the elevator doors slid open, glancing between the key in your hand and the one in hers. She watched as you stepped a few feet down the hallway and slid your key into the lock, “do you have a key to my apartment?”

“Seriously?” You raised a brow to her, pushing the door open before silencing the alarm as she scurried out of the elevator and to your side, “they spent seventeen thousand on your funeral, another six hundred and forty two thousand on your medical bills and that doesn’t even cover your ongoing PT. You’re lucky they gave us a two bedroom.”

“What.” Her voice hardened slightly as she stepped into the doorway of the apartment, her lips forming into a tight frown.

“Between their allocated budget and your level of ongoing care it was the best option.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

She stepped into the space, letting the door swing shut behind her and after a brief second thought, she turned to quickly make sure it was locked. The apartment wasn’t small, but it wasn’t giant either, a small entry space filled with a rug, coat and shoe racks and a small table that you tossed your keys and work bag down onto as you kicked off your shoes. A foot or so down on the left was a small kitchen, enough space for most standard appliances and counterspace that curved into a breakfast bar opening up into the living room. The space was tidy, clean, dishes sitting in the drying rack that she could only assume were from that morning, a few blankets tossed over the back of the couch and one of the larger chairs, a few books, some of which looked like medical text books on the coffee table along with a vase of flowers. Off to the right were three doors, each open and it was safe to assume two were bedrooms and the one in between was a bathroom.

“Laundry’s in the basement.” You commented, pulling her out of her trance as you crossed to the kitchen to put the food away in the appropriate places, “the card for it’s with your bank and ID’s on the bedside table.” You gestured towards the room closer to the door and she was safe to assume that meant it was hers, “some extra clothes and things in the closet. Make yourself at home.”

“Yeah.” Her tone was terse, letting out a huff as she kicked her shoes off and disappeared into her room to dump her bag on the bed, looking around the space.

“I’m gonna run down to the gym, you have my number if you want me to pick anything up on the way back.” You called to her as you wandered into your room, pulling your hair up into a ponytail as you grabbed a couple of things.

“Yeah, whatever.”

Her reply was barely audible through the apartment though the slamming of her bedroom door certainly was. It caught you off guard, jumping slightly at the sound before you glanced in the direction of her room through the wall. You hadn’t really thought sharing a space would piss her off like that, hell, after the way she’d been acting through the week you were back at the point that you thought the two of you might actually end up being friends. Rolling your eyes you let out a small sigh, scooping up your keys and grabbing a water bottle from the fridge before you stepped through the door, making sure it was locked behind you.

In her room Emily dropped down on the edge of the bed, her head burying in her hands as she let out a heavy breath. She’d been in such high sprits all day that she was finally going to be free, that she was going to be able to live her life again, be herself again. She’d nearly forgotten why she was in Paris in the first place, that just because step two was done and she was out of the hospital did not mean that things were going back to normal. She still wasn’t able to go home, wasn’t able to call any of her old friends and still had to be alert whenever she was out. Because she wasn’t herself, she was Valerie. And Valerie deserved a fighting change at surviving this mess, even if Emily didn’t.

You came back a couple of hours later to a dark and quiet apartment. Considering Emily’s reaction to the shared space you figured you’d give her a little bit longer to adjust to the new environment, giving her a chance to explore the space without you in it while you were out. Instead it looked like she had stayed shut away in her room, not a single thing out of place when you returned.

Flicking on a few lights you changed into pyjamas first, tossing your gym clothes into the laundry hamper, you’d opted to shower at the gym already so at least that was checked off your nightly list. Wandering back to the kitchen you pulled a few things from the fridge to whip together an easy chipotle chicken pasta, pouring yourself a hefty glass of wine to go along with it. Crossing through the apartment you set your dinner up on the balcony, wanting to enjoy the spring evening and fresh air outside of the hospital while you ate. On your trip back into the apartment you picked up one of the novels on the coffee table to indulge yourself with, before you glanced up to the closed bedroom door and let out a small sigh. You took a brief break to quickly plate up the second portion of pasta, topping it with fresh parmesan, wrapping it tightly in tinfoil before tossing the pot into the sink to be cleaned later. On your way back to the balcony you gently knocked on the closed door,

“There’s a plate of food on the counter, I know you didn’t eat dinner.” Was all you said before you slipped back to the balcony, sliding the glass door shut behind you. You figured if she had some privacy and her own space she was more likely to come out to at least get the food if not eat it.

You weren’t sure how long you were outside, but the sun was fully set, a chill in the air pulling shivers from you as you finished another chapter. Figuring that was the signal to head back inside you picked up your things, book going back to the coffee table while the dishes came with you into the kitchen. The extra plate of food still sitting exactly where you’d left it. You sighed softly, sliding it to the side so you could do your dishes, putting away the ones from that morning in the cupboard. You glanced toward her room, huffing softly before you picked up the plate and stashed it in the fridge, if she wasn’t going to touch it you at least wanted it edible tomorrow so you could eat leftovers.

Emily had fallen asleep not long after you’d knocked on her door, truthfully, she was pretty exhausted. If the sheer annoyance and frustration hadn’t kept her riled up when you were at the gym she knew she would’ve fallen asleep then. She was still recovering after all and even a short journey through the city was more than enough to wipe her out. She’d drifted in and out through the silence and the sound of you doing dishes, listening as you putzed around the apartment a bit before your bedroom door finally clicked shut. She could feel the pit in her stomach beginning to ache and knew she would need to eat something before attempting to get some sleep but she didn’t dare leave her room until long after she’d heard you flick your bedroom light off and get into bed.

Only once the apartment was in complete silence did she finally, silently, slip from under the covers of her bed, pulling JJ’s sweater tighter around her as she snuck around the apartment. With you off in dreamland she finally let herself look around the space properly, it was decorated nicely, although she was sure some of that wasn’t you. This was likely some federal apartment, and Interpol one, maybe even a Doctors without Borders one, that was even more likely knowing her trail had to be covered. But there were still touches she knew had to be you, more personal items that you would’ve picked up over the last couple of months, the blanket over the back of the couch looked particular inviting, fuzzy but not in the overstimulating itchy way, dotted with constellations and she was sure that was yours. She liked the flowers on the table, the idea that you liked to fill your space with something alive, colourful and considering the shape of them you changed them out every couple of weeks, she’d noticed an array of flowers at the market you’d stopped at earlier. Above the tv there were some photo frames scattered on the wall, a few of you with a girl a few years younger who looked an awful lot like you, considering they all looked like travel pictures she figured that was your sister. Another frame looked like a family photo, an older brother from what she could tell from resemblance, who had a couple of kids, your sister and your parents. The third was from a graduation, judging by your age she figured when you finished medical school, the same friends copying over into a couple of other photos, one where it looked like you were a bridesmaid. Little pieces of home you’d brought with you in an attempt to ground yourself and not forget who you were, things that she didn’t have on this particular journey.

Her stomach growled and she let out a sigh, thankful it had distracted her before she could spiral down the hole of not having any pieces of her old life here. She quietly wandered back to the kitchen, not even daring to flick the light on, using the fridge and stove lamp as her resources as she found the plate of food wrapped in the fridge. Her hand rested on the counter as she pulled it out, hitting a patch of condensation where it must have been sitting warm, waiting for her earlier and her head tilted in realization. Directly beside the spot was a three quarter full bottle of wine, an empty, clean wine glass, as if you’d left that out for her along with the food originally. Her eyes darted to the drying rack, a water spotted glass sat there, you’d clearly already had yours. Popping the plate into the microwave she thought for a moment, the only meds she was still on were the sleeping ones and anxiety ones, both you’d mentioned no heavy drinking on, but she was sure one glass wouldn’t hurt. Hell, it would probably knock her the fuck out with the meds and that truly was what she needed if she was gonna get any sleep in a new environment.

She managed to catch the microwave before it beeped, glancing up toward your room and listening for a moment before she pulled open a drawer in search of cutlery. Unbeknownst to her, she actually copied your routine, taking the food and wine out to the balcony to enjoy. She couldn’t help but want to feel the breeze on her face, breathe the fresh air, the coolness of it helping calm her racing heart, help ease her anxiety while she ate. She felt bad leaving the glass and plate in the sink but by the time she was finished her wine her eyelids were drooping so heavily she knew she wasn’t going to make it much longer, enough energy to make sure all the doors and windows were locked before collapsing into her bed.

Emily tugged the blankets tighter around her, letting out a little shiver as she curled around herself. She inhaled heavily, frowning when the scent of detergent was overpowering, only a flicker of JJ’s perfume remained on the sweater. It had stood out so strongly against the chemical smells in the hospital it had been her go to calming mechanism, a memory of home lulling her to sleep. Now so much time had passed it was nearly gone and she knew she would need to wash the thing soon, then it would be gone forever. Her body sunk heavily into the bed, at least this one was more comfortable than her last, letting out a breath a tear rolled over her cheek as she nestled deeper into the pillows. It was only a moment later she was asleep, hoping that her dreams would distract her, that maybe she’d wake up in a different situation, that maybe all of this had been a nightmare of its own.

_______________

@mickey-gomez @momlifebehard @daddy-heather-dunbar @maybe-a-humanbean @rustyzebra @leftoverenvy @kades95 @dextur @supercriminalbean @daffodil-heart @its-soph-xx xx @just-a-torn-up-masterpiece @hopelesslyfallenninlove @peanutbutterprincess @emilyprentisssluvr @lex13cm @zizzlekwum @emobabeyy @riveramorylunar @s1ut4nat @scorpsik @prentiss-theorem @strongsassysexysloane @happenstnces @sapphicprentiss @geekyandgay98 @pagetboobstarcomments @onmykneesformarvel @inlovewithemilyprentiss @desperate-gay @amypoehlfey @overtrred28 @theclassicgaycousin @regalmilfs4me @kalixxh @ara-a-bird @five-bi-five-mind @niyizh @inlovewithmiddleagewomen @tommyriddleobsessed @hotchs-bitch @ollysmulti @kmc1989 @irishavengersassemble @romanoffsho @honeyycat @ratsnestinmyhair @assgardangod @originalbrunettecharacter @elz-artzzz

#emily prentiss #criminal minds #emily prentiss x reader #enemies to lovers #solace in solitude #emily prentiss fanfic

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baileythebean · 2 months

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Vent below the cut so HUUUUGE trigger warning.

So usually I vent in my dad’s (Anomaly’s) DMs because he’s great at comforting me, but Im too pissed for this right now and I dont want to bother him. I swear I am so fucking close to actually killing myself, it’s scary.

My mom has an aversion to me ever binding. I am transmasc (FtM), and I am out to my parents. My mom claims to be a “good”, “supportive” mom, and I do occasionally have moments where I’m like “oh yeah, she’s making progress, she’s learning! :)” and then it’s always fucking ruined by saying things like “well Bailey is your nickname, your name is [deadname].” - “well you’re still biologically female.” - lots of bullshit little jabs at me whenever I ACTUALLY get brave enough to talk about my identity, which is rarely. Unfortunately, any chances of me getting a binder were ruined when I just asked her flat-out. I said it was for cosplay, just to play it safe, and it was still a hard no because “It destroys your body!” - “You wont develop properly!” - “You’ll regret it!” Along with several long rants about ALL the research she’s done, (probably barely any, and it was most likely on social media) and all the stories she’s heard about people who regretted surgery or just transitioning in general and had lawsuits for them, which is like, very low. The regret rate for transitioning is in the DECIMALS and yet she refuses to acknowledge that. We also have a history with suicide, as that’s how my dad left us, and yet she either hasn’t seen or doesnt care about trans suicide rates BECAUSE of being denied affirming care or harassment?? Anyways, here’s where my shit show of a story starts. I managed to get by fine with layering sports bras for a while and just not wearing anything tight-fitting. I figured she’d warm up to it eventually. But recently, I got a new cosplay (Venti from Genshin Impact) which involves a corset, and even if I layer or adjust the shirt, makes my chest look very weird if I dont bind. I started feeling more dysphoria than ever in my life and made a plan to get a binder before my first time wearing the costume. Said plan succeeded, and I had my friend get me the right sized binder at a birthday party one day through a queer kids program that offered them for free. I was so happy and started wearing it to get used to it and break it in since that day. Unfortunately, today I made the mistake of leaving it on my bed visibly.

My mom also has a terrible habit of going into my room and my spaces to clean, even though I usually do it myself anyway, and I LITERALLY FUCKING TELL HER NOT TO EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I dont want her touching my stuff EVER, not just when I’m trying to keep something from her. I told her to stop and she kept picking up trash, and she spotted it. She questioned me about it, and I caved, telling her what it is, how its been considered medically safe, and reciting like, ALL the safety instructions from the top of my head, hoping it would give me a chance at keeping it. I failed. I got yelled at for destroying my body, ETC ETC. finally, she says that she needs to keep my binder in her room so she can make sure I ONLY use it for cosplay and I’m pretty sure she’ll check if I’m wearing it every day.

Then this bitch PUTS MY BINDER ON and tells me it’s too tight. First, it’s supposed to be. Second, THATS NOT YOUR SIZE. I’m sobbing my eyes out right now, and the only thing keeping me alive is my boyfriend, and a literal fictional character. I want to tear my flesh from my bones when she tells me that puberty sucks for everyone, and she doesnt get the fact that it’s a million times worse for me because I’M A BOY. I’ll be lucky if I make it to the end of the year. I’m just done. I want it to be over. Someone come and end it for me, please. I cant take any more.

#ooc posts #vent #tw vent #tw sui #transmasc #transgender #tw gender dysphoria #Baileys not gonna make it yall.

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venacoeurva · 29 days

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Post surgery talk under the cut

Slept in until 4 pm, incisions don’t really hurt, just an achy abdomen in general. Gas up in shoulders is the worst pain atm. Throat still hurts but coffee is helping, still can’t talk while lying down though. Because I’m sleeping on a futon on the floor for the time being I can quite literally roll out of bed on my hands and knees, so that’s fun. Also we only realized today the hospital didn’t give us printed instructions for wound care aside from more general ones I got from my doctor I saw to get the procedure approved, so I gotta call them. We have experience in recovering from these kinds of things and we got the verbal instructions, so we aren’t going in blind at least. I just wish the bandaids they put over the steri strips weren’t so stretchy because they’re annoying to take off as instructed, but I think it was their sensitive skin option as it was noted how intolerant a lot of my skin is towards regular bandaid adhesive and I’m not seeing those signs of irritation so I’ll take that over a rash.

Haven’t needed the codeine tylenol yet, just regular tylenol because motrin doesn’t really do anything for me, coffee, and tea with honey

There are negligible benefits to being in some degree of pain most or all the time, but one of them is the routine aches and pains of recovery really don’t bother you that much, it’s just pain in possibly a different spot from the usual culprits! Yahoo

#vena vents #not art

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she-karev · 4 months

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Mother's Day (Jolex Imagine)

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: One of Three

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Canon Episode: In Between Season 18 Episode 16 and 17

Ship: Alex and Jo

AN: Happy Mother’s Day guys! I decided to write chapters to celebrate this occasion where we say thanks to the mothers that raised us and put our well-being above their own.

Summary: Alex and Andrew try to put together a toy for Luna that proves to be impossible with the nonsensical instructions causing them to start to break down. Meanwhile Jo talks to her pregnant sister in law, Amber.

Words: 3760

May 12, 2022

Jo stands in front of the surgical board writing down Jo Karev for a lap appy in O.R. 3 this morning. Alex walks down the hall surprised to see her in her navy-blue scrubs instead of her pale pink ones that she got after she decided to switch from general surgery to OBGYN. He remembers when she decided on this change two years ago during the pandemic. She told him she needed to bring joy back to her life and knew that switching specialties was the way to do it. He was shocked at first but eventually he supported her decision even bragging about how he was married to a soon to be double board-certified surgeon. Now seeing her in navy blue scrubs feels wrong somehow maybe it’s because he got used to the pink scrubs. He approaches her.

“Hey.”

Jo finishes writing her name, “Hey I can’t make it for lunch today I have a surgery that’s gonna run till 1 in the afternoon and then I have a partial colectomy after so I won’t clock out till 8. Are you good eating alone and taking Luna home without me?”

“Yeah, sure but first I want to know when you decided to switch back to surgery? I mean don’t get me wrong, pink, baby blue, dark blue you look good in all of those scrubs it’s just hard to keep track of what stage you’re in right now.”

“Well right now I am part general surgeon and part OB. Bailey guilted me into returning to the O.R. because the hospital is falling apart and more surgeries are getting cancelled by the minute. Even with DeLuca helping out there’s still at least 4 patients waiting and without any residents to assist we’re in the trenches.”

“Yeah, times are dark. Okay if it gets to be too much you know where to find me. And if Bailey tries to guilt trip me, I’ll just remind her that you got into OB so you wouldn’t fall into a depressive state during the pandemic and working you to death is gonna risk that again.”

Jo looks at Alex touched, “You would stand up to the chief for me?”

“I would stand up to God himself if I thought you or Luna needed my help. Not that she doesn’t need it with a fierce and kind mama like you.” Alex grins as does Jo who groans when she remembers something.

“I gotta assemble that baby stroller thing that I got yesterday so Luna can start walking. Maybe if I start tonight, I can finish it by the morning.”

Alex looks at his watch, “I get out early today maybe I can take Luna and assemble it before you get home.”

Jo widens her eyes at that, “Are you sure? I can assemble it another day it’s no trouble at all.”

“Don’t be silly it can help Luna walk and it’s just a toy for a baby its not exactly rocket science.”

“Yeah, but it feels like it is and unlike you I’ve done this before. Trust me when I say it’s gonna feel impossible.”

Alex grins amused and rubs Jo’s arms, “It’s gonna be great. You can think of it as a Mother’s Day gift along with the cake and velvet boxed jewelry I got you.”

Jo looks shocked at the date, “Wait its Mother’s Day? How did I miss that?”

“Maybe because we’re busy and we can barely remember our birthdays and anniversaries let alone a day dedicated to good moms. But needless to say, I remembered and feel like giving you a day of cherishing along with our daughter.”

Jo smiles at that, “Well when you put it like that how can I refuse? Okay the box is in the nursery you can find the instructions inside along with a Xanax in case you get stressed by how difficult it is.”

“Jo, I operate on kids for a living trust me some baby toy is not gonna beat me. It’s gonna look great by the time you get home and Luna will be walking in style.” He kisses her and leaves her to grin at herself hoping that Alex’s cockiness will be warranted.

3 PM

Alex enters the house carrying Luna in his arms along with her diaper bag. He exhales in the relief of comfort at his house before heading upstairs to the yellow nursery where he sees a V Tech sit to stand learning walker for girls with the colorful toy pictured all over the large box. A baby is walking holding the stroller so it can advertise its usefulness in developing child mobility.

Alex kneels down next to the box still holding Luna, “You know when me and your auntie Amber were learning to walk, we just held on to table ends and tried not to fall. We didn’t have toys or contraptions that made it fun for us. So, we’re gonna do it differently with you Little Moon, new baby, new tradition. Let’s do this kid.”

He puts Luna in her sit up floor seat so she can be across from him while he opens the box and takes the disassembled parts out piece by piece. He took out the instructions inside the box and saw that they were in Chinese. He flipped to the English section and saw from the diagram that the first step is to insert the easy to grip handle.

He reads the instructions, “Okay first step is…” The instructions might as well be in Chinese because he can’t make out what it’s trying to tell him, “Insert to parts for assemble which toy can have immediately.” He is taken back by this strange instruction and looks at Luna, “Can you make out what that means?” Luna’s only response was a raspberry to his amusement, “Okay it’s fine we got this, we are both smart and capable people who can put together a simple toy for you to walk with. It’s easy as pie.”

Meanwhile

Jo is at the beginning stages of a partial colectomy with her sister-in-law Amber DeLuca nee Karev assisting. She decided to let her sister assist her in her surgeries since she needs to learn as a resident even with all the residency program on probation. She feels bad for Amber knowing it isn’t what she signed up for when she first joined but she doesn’t show it because she knows Amber wants to hang tough and not show weakness. She mentally snorts at the similarities between her and Alex since it’s what Alex would do too.

As sad as Amber is in her work life, she’s making up for it with the joy in her personal life when she told them that she and DeLuca were pregnant back in March. Jo knew that she and DeLuca decided to try to have a baby and gave them her full support already embracing being an aunt and Luna having a cousin. It’s the kind of family she wished she had growing up and is grateful for Luna never having to know what that feels like.

“How’s the morning sickness?”

“It’s mostly gone. It only comes up after I eat a bagel with strawberry cream cheese so I cut that off.”

Jo sees the colon and keeps talking as she cuts, “Have you guys already started preparing for the baby when it comes?”

“We’re just going along with it as it goes. I want to know the sex first and then paint the nursery, I know there is neutral colors but I don’t want my baby’s room to look like vomit or a crab condiment. God knows there’s gonna be enough fluids as it is.”

Jo groans in disgust, “I know, how can so many disgusting things come out of something so cute and so small? It’s why I bought a diaper genie; I just wish it came with a maid to do the diapers and clean up the spit-up.”

“You’re really winning me over on motherhood.” Amber retorts sarcastically.

“But it’s all worth it.” Jo states with a smile behind her mask, “To have this small and wonderful person and claim her as your own it’s a new kind of love that takes you over and…makes you see life in a whole new way. Don’t worry your gonna do great and so is your man. And in case you need practice you guys can hijack Luna whenever you want. Preferably Friday nights so I can have sex with my hot, cranky husband.”

“Ugh can you not talk about that, that’s my brother and I’m afraid my morning sickness is gonna come back.”

Jo chuckles, “Sorry you know Luna is really excited about having a cousin. She even clapped when I read Forever Cousins the other night for bedtime.”

Amber grins, “Aww that’s sweet, it’s gonna be kind of cool, isn’t it? Us raising our kids together at the same time.”

“It does sound cool; I’m already seeing us having barbeque on the weekends with the guys grilling and us just sitting back and drinking cheap wine while the kids are playing on the swing set in the back.”

“Jo by then swing sets will probably be dead and our kids will play with virtual reality goggles or whatever technology is gonna take them away from precious family time.”

Jo starts dissecting the colon, “Well you get my point I’m just really excited. I used to think I would never get those sitcom families that fight and make up in the end with the audience cheering in the background. And now here I am a mom and a soon to be aunt, I’m probably gonna compete with Carina over who’s the favorite but I will welcome it.”

Amber chuckles, “It would be nice to see that and if we have a girl, you guys can hand us some of Luna’s old clothes and recommend toys for us.”

“Well hopefully one is being assembled as we speak. I got Luna this walking toy that’s supposed to encourage babies to take their first steps. I was gonna assemble it after work but then Bailey asked me to operate so Alex offered to do it instead. He said it was a Mother’s Day gift along with the cake I saw in the fridge this morning.”

“That’s nice of him.”

Jo inhales uneasily, “Yeah hopefully he survives with his sanity intact.”

Amber narrows her eyes at that, “Jo it’s a toy for babies how hard can it be to put together?”

Two Hours Later

Alex tries to push the number 3 button shaped like a square onto the console but it doesn’t stick in causing him to groan in misery. He’s been trying to put together the toy for the past two hours and so far he’s only gotten as far as the easy to grip handle that has one end sticking out. Luna has been at the front seat of her dad’s failure with a blank face.

The instructions get more confusing as he reads along making him think that the English translation was rough from the Chinese. He’s starting to see why Jo underestimated his ability to put it together. It makes him appreciate her even more knowing how hard it must have been to play handy man with crappy instructions. Honestly it was a miracle she didn’t have a nervous breakdown since he’s close to having one. Luckily the instructions are also in Italian so he called his brother-in-law to translate hoping it sounds intelligible in his language. Andrew DeLuca enters the nursery surprised to find Alex cross legged on the floor holding a button and glaring at it like he wants to kill it. He clears his throat and cautiously approaches him.

“Hey man how’s it going?”

Alex growls under his breath, picks up the manual and reads out one of the steps, “Gently forward piece for coupling with warning about many danger. Can you make out what that means? Because either I am missing something or China is trying to make us insane with these instructions making it easier to attack.”

Andrew spots the button on his hand and points to the console, “That 3 button your holding looks like it goes right there.”

Alex chuckles darkly, “Yeah it does doesn’t it? Here let me just fit it in there.” Alex tries to put the button in the console but it refuses to merge no matter how hard he pushes, “I have an MD, I was the interim chief of surgery and I run my own department. A department for kids so toys are what I give them all day so they can feel better about me cutting into them. This toy is for my daughter so that she can walk so why the hell is it not letting me teach her how to walk!”

Andrew looks at Luna in her floor seat where she’s teething, “I think your teaching her about how to have a nervous breakdown properly.” Andrew grins but Alex has none of it as he glares at his brother-in-law, “Right not the time to be funny. Doesn’t the store have some kind of service to put these things together?”

Alex throws the button to the floor, “It does but this damn thing costs 50 bucks and it costs another 50 to put it together.”

“It’s a gig economy. So why am I here then?”

Alex holds out the manual to him from the floor, “There are instructions in Italian and you read it don’t you?”

He grabs the manual and flips the page, “Yeah.”

“Great then you can translate and hopefully Italy is smart enough to translate into actual sentences.”

Andrew raises his eyebrow at the menial task, “You called me over here to be your translator? I’m pretty sure there’s an app where you take a picture of the page and it can translate.”

Alex pinches the bridge of his nose, “I am on the brink of losing it so forgive me if I’ve forgotten about the advancements of technology. Now either you sit down and help me put this damn thing together or the nursery will be painted red instead.”

Andrew eyes widen at that threat knowing full well how violent his in-laws can be. He kneels down and reads the instructions, “Okay let me read this and translate…” His eyebrows furrow at the instructions reading them out loud to Alex, “To make seat with secure fasten red pin C to happy. Huh…I guess Italy got it wrong too.” Alex grabs one of Luna’s plushies and squeezes the bunny in anger taking a deep inhale and exhale. Andrew tries to read the instructions and Luna is in her chair giving a wide grin as if mocking them.

8:17 PM

Jo enters her house with Amber behind her carrying wine for her and Alex and mineral water for Amber. They head to the kitchen to set the bottles down on the counter and Jo looks around at the empty room.

“Where is Alex? He said he would be home by now.” Amber shrugs and they hear a shout coming from upstairs that sounds like Alex. They look at each other confused before Jo grabs the tiny screen that’s connected to the HelloBaby monitor camera upstairs in Luna’s room. They look at the monitor to find Alex in there sitting on the floor in front of the desecrated toy he said he would build for Jo. Jo sighs gathering the information, “I guess my husband got overconfident again and is suffering the consequences.” Jo sees Luna still in her seat giggling at the scene, “On the bright side Luna is enjoying her real-life sitcom that is her daddy building a toy.”

Amber leans in closer when she spots a familiar person sitting next to Alex leaning forward on his knees holding a purple wheel that’s supposed to go with the walker. She sees him from the side and can tell he is about to lose it, “What is Andrew doing in there?”

Jo grins amused, “Questioning his stance on pending fatherhood maybe.” Amber looks at Jo with a raised eyebrow and looks back at the screen.

Meanwhile

Alex takes a deep breath trying to keep the toy standing up with the purple back legs providing support. It looks almost like the box depicts it as except the buttons are hanging out and not pushed in and the pink phone is discarded on the floor. He barely makes a dent in inserting the legs into the main front with one wheel missing that he spots in Andrew’s hands as he is leaning against his knees no doubt as cranky as him about this cursed toy. He grabs the wheel and tries to put the wheel in but instead it makes the entire toy structure crumble down and the buttons are scattered across the floor. Alex and Andrew look on in angsty defeat while Luna grins at the carnage no doubt thinking this is playtime.

Andrew quickly stands up, frustration evident on his face, “I give up I tried man I tried but this-this cazzo is impossible!” Alex merely sits in silent defeat while Andrew goes in a rant, “Porca miseria I’ve been beaten up, I’ve been stabbed, I’ve worked in Italy while it was a hot pandemic spot but this toy for your daughter is the evilest thing I have ever faced! Sono un dannato chirurgo e non riesco a mettere insieme un cazzo di giocattolo.” (Translation: I’m a damn surgeon and I can’t put a fucking toy together.) Alex looks at Andrew taken back by him ranting in Italian but his brother-in-law doesn’t notice as he continues his tirade, “Come farò a fare questo per mio bambino? e perché hanno bisogno di giocattoli fantasiosi per camminare?” (Translation: How will I do this for my baby? And why do they need fancy toys for walking?)

Alex nods but doesn’t catch one word of his speech and overlaps in his rambling, “I can see that your very upset.”

Andrew doesn’t listen while Luna looks at her uncle blankly no doubt not even registering his foreign language, “Non li avevamo e tutto è andato bene. È dannatamente pazzesco che queste istruzioni non abbiano senso, non significano un cazzo!” (Translation: We didn’t have them and we’re fine. It’s damn crazy that these instructions don’t make sense, they don’t mean shit!)

A loud cough stops Andrew in his rant causing him and Alex to turn to find Amber and Jo standing outside the door with concerned grins on both of their faces. Jo walks past the men as they start to calm down and picks up Luna from her seat.

“Did your daddy and uncle have a hard time today, Luna Bear?” Jo looks down at Alex in sympathy causing him to stand up in exhaustion, “Did you learn any new Italian words from your uncle Andrew?”

Andrew sighs at that, “I didn’t realize I slipped back into my native tongue.”

Amber pouts at Andrew putting her hand over his chest, “You hit your breaking point?”

“This thing is evil.” Andrew states in his most serious voice, “It-It is designed so that parents can’t make it and their kids’ development is held off until the damn employee at the store assembles it and makes money from our misery.”

“You and I are finally in agreement.” Alex states rubbing his temples and sits in the rocking chair tired.

Andrew inhales and exhales before speaking, “I have a new hatred for China and our countries inability to translate correctly. How would you feel about a potato and a stick for our baby to play with instead? I mean you didn’t get a fancy stroller and you turned out okay.”

Amber squeezes Andrew’s shoulder in comfort, “I would make fun of you for not assembling a toy but I have a feeling I would incite another Italian soap opera scene.”

“I think we’re gonna hold off on you learning to walk until I can assemble this thing and show your daddy how it’s done.” Jo bounces Luna up and down smiling at her, “Yeah you’ll learn soon that mommy has all the answers yes she does.”

“She really does.” Alex agrees in a tired tone before standing up and standing in front of his family with a guilty look, “I’m sorry. I wanted to show you guys how much I love and appreciate you but instead I showed you all the ways a guy can screw up what a mom can’t.”

Jo grins at Alex in appreciation, “We already know how much you love us, you don’t have to put together a toy that even NASA couldn’t assemble. The fact that you tried to and never gave up is enough for us.” Jo kisses Alex while holding Luna with Andrew and Amber still in the room looking away awkwardly.

Amber turns to Andrew with a smile, “How about this Bob the Builders to show us how much you appreciate the things we do for your current and future kid’s you guys can make us dinner and then after we can eat that cake in the fridge. Meanwhile me, Jo, and Luna will put together this toy that seems to have broken you.” Andrew groans in agreement with Alex rubbing the back of his neck, “Is that a good compromise boys?”

The men look at each other for a moment and nod, “I’ll get the stuff to make chicken tetrazzini.”

“I’ll pre heat the stove.” Alex offers gladly and both of them walk out of the room determined to get away from the baby toy that is scattered all over the floor. Jo and Amber chuckle at their husband’s helplessness and sit down on the floor in front of the toy parts with Luna in Jo’s lap.

“Oh, Luna Bear where would you be without mommy?”

Amber picks up the purple handle, “Probably still laughing at her daddy and uncle’s expense. How do you…” Amber tries to put the handle together with the front but it doesn’t to her ire, “I can see why my husband had an Italian breakdown.”

“Give it to me.” Amber hands Jo the handle that she attaches to the front with laughable ease to Amber’s shock.

“How did you do that?”

“Oh, honey you should’ve seen me when I tried to assemble Luna’s activity garden, that made our men’s scene look like amateur acting.”

Amber chuckles, “Happy Mother’s Day.”

Jo grins at her pregnant sister-in-law, “Happy Mother's Day.”

#greys anatomy #greysedit #grey's anatomy #greysanatomyedit #alex karev #jo wilson #jolex #andrew deluca #amber karev #mothers day #motherslove #mother #headcanon #mine

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aseriesofunfortunatejan · 6 months

Text

Jan finally learns Brawler's backstory

(In 2024) (After being tortured by at least two separate people who were weird about it)

In case you don't know, two specific, major (albeit short) scenes from Brawler's backstory are presented in Chapters 16 and 25 of the manga. In case you're not interested in reading the manga, they're summarised very plainly in his History section on the Wiki.

I genuinely recommend you read the manga, however, because the way it presents parallels is... unparalleled... by the anime.

Here is my breakdown! I'll try not to spend too much time on it because I've been awful at organising my time today, but if you know me, you'll know you're in for a few long paragraphs.

So - in the first scene presented in Chapter 16, Brawler's grandpa tries to teach him the type of lesson a mama cat might also try to teach to her young. He attacks an overly confident young Brawler with a boring haircut with chopsticks, and Brawler dodges, but he's obviously jumpscared by it. The lesson is: an attacker might come even when you feel safe, such as when you're eating! It's unclear what kind of life they're living, but what's for sure is that Brawler already has a habit of fighting, and is being instructed by his grandpa. Another element I noted is that their meal is fairly sober, and the house they live in is undecorated, with cracks in the walls.

Embarrassed that he got jumpscared, Brawler considers reciprocating the attack to scare him back. Just as his grandpa had, his grips both of his chopsticks.

The next two pages aren't a continuation of this scene. Instead, the both of them have clearly aged and Brawler's hair is cooler. His grandpa is wearing an eyepatch. When he repeats the same lesson again, Brawler points out that he doesn't have eyes to spare: it's strongly implied what might have happened.

Why didn't he dodge? "He wasn't going to chicken out and lose like he did." It seems that his grandpa is teaching him to have a strong ego more so than he is teaching him survival instincts. It's not about surviving the fight, it's about winning... at having the best fight possible. His grandpa teaches him masochism... I mean, his grandpa tells him to put his life on the line for a good fight.

This is giving me a second reason not to acknowledge Shikoku Arc as canon. One other theme ruined.

Brawler has very much learned from his grandpa's pride. He grabs his hand, holding his chopsticks, and points it to his eye.

Remembering these conversations is what inspires his strong reaction to Master in the Shinkansen.

Brawler did step back and look upset in the anime. What was missing was his point of view.

Not too long afterwards, Brawler says the same thing (although differently translated, which makes sense considering the added context of the manga) he had in the anime. The difference is: we now know why he says it.

He continues with: "the two of us are fighting with our lives on the line". This is what he just recalled his grandpa telling him.

About 9 chapters later, Brawler is about to die in a fight against Master. Staring at his opponent, he remembers that first conversation with his grandpa again. The very next minute, in fact: his chopsticks are bloody, and his grandpa's eye injured. Young-boring-hair Brawler stares in shock, while his grandpa calmly instructs him to... be a masochist... I mean, enjoy getting hurt as part of his enjoyment of a fight.

"You only live once. Enjoy fights to the fullest." There is an implication here that at least I am reading into: Brawler is in pain. We later learn that his injury was slowly reopening due to Doctor's purposefully botched surgery. The injury being shown in a previous panel is that same injury. Remembering his grandpa's words, Brawler decided to ignore the pain and let it kill him.

Famously something you should avoid doing. Except if you have a uterus, in which case, give it 7 years on average before it gets diagnosed. [...]

And then, telling his old man to watch him, he fucking dies.

This was a good chapter overall, even beside the flashback - like I mentioned above, the manga does a great job of showcasing parallels. In this chapter, Boss also explains to Pupil that Executioners like Master don't differ much from Akudama.

I genuinely didn't know this was what Brawler's flashbacks were like. All I knew was that he had a grandpa some people are weird about. What I now know is that Brawler had the worst grandpa on Earth??? He's like if your boomer grandpa were proud about getting dropped from a great height rather than about drinking from the hose when he was younger.

It really seems that this man's advice actively cost Brawler's life. And I don't think the manga shies away from implying that it's not right.

Boss' speech is from her point of view and about the Execution Division. But what ties it to Brawler is not only her own comparison of Executioners like Master to Akudama, but also, Hoodlum being paralleled to Pupil.

Hoodlum and Pupil are different people with different personalities, so it makes sense that their reactions would be different either way. We know Hoodlum shuts down up until he grabs the sword to attack Pupil, whereas she was crying the entire way. But I think the fact that she's actively aware of what is happening might lead to her stronger reaction, while Hoodlum is only just guessing and unsure.

In any case, what's clear is that Brawler's grandpa's advice was dogshit and clearly biased towards his own interest. Did Brawler really carry out what he himself wanted, or what his grandpa wanted? Was he bound to end up this way, learn this lesson, regardless? What doesn't change is that this stance is selfish - and leaves the ones you care about and who care about you behind. Plus, is this fight really worth the many other fights you could have had, had you lived longer?

It wasn't just Doctor, it wasn't just Master, it wasn't just himself - all of them, plus his grandpa, killed Brawler in that moment.

("This is not a children's playground, go home"... Oh, you're trying to be a sensible grandfather figure now, shithead? Why are you alive? This sucks!!!)

Most importantly, this puts emphasis on Brawler's ego. Brawler is a man with a great ego, which we now know he was taught to have. He doesn't just happen to be the best fighter - he aims for greatness. He wants to have a very long prison sentence just like Hoodlum. [...]

Much of his circumstances are still missing. First off, why was he taught to fight in the first place? And why was he separated from his grandpa? And did he have other family beside him? (Is Akudama Drive implying that if you only have one adult guardian, you're bound to become a criminal? I'm in deep shit. /ex) His flashbacks imply a fairly humble lifestyle. We know Brawler can eat a lot - were his needs and wants not met because he couldn't afford them? It's not like the quantity he was eating had increased by the later flashback, so the humble food, compared to his liking for huge servings of meat, was probably not a personal choice. That being said, we don't know his grandpa. Maybe he wanted that for him - he clearly had a lot of influence over Brawler.

I don't think these questions need to be answered to tell a good story. I do think all of these questions would have been more interesting to tackle than whatever Shikoku arc was about, however.

#long post #akudama drive #akudama drive comicalize

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thepaintedlady00 · 2 years

Text

Nightshade

Chapter 10 | Chapter 12

Chapter 11: Amuse-Bouche

TW: Some sibling boxing, A bit of choice language from Ari and Sasha in regards to our idiots, Howard 😒, a bit of sexual tension, flirting, Jake's gonna have a real HARD time 👀, Lena's gonna help him out... 👀👀, aka bathroom blowjob. This chapter is a bit shorter than normal (like 15 pages, sorry!) And I'm sorry if it reads as kind of rushed, I really wanted to get it out before my surgery tomorrow and it's not a particularly plot-heavy chapter so I figured it'd be alright. I did a quick edit of this so sorry for any mistakes! This chapter does, however, mark the beginning of Spice Town!

Hit. Hit. Dodge. The music blared in my ears, and the wall pictures vibrated with the beat as I danced across the mat. Hit. Hit. Dodge. Sweat beaded down my forehead, making my hair stick to my temples.

Hit. Hit. Dodge. I breathed in the hot air that tasted like sweat and leather. My mind wandered, the smell shifting in the air with a breeze of alcohol as someone opened the back alley door. A new taste coated my tongue… A cherry old-fashioned mixed with the bitter tang of Jake's cigarettes.

Hit. Hit. "OW!"

Patrick chuckled with an evil grin. "You're distracted today." I threw my punch into his arm, wiping the grin off his face entirely. "OW!"

"Fuck you!" I growled out as the two of us danced in the ring together. "My mind has never been more focused!"

"Focused on dick!"

I landed three hits to Pat's gut before he got me in the side. I raised my fist again when Ozzy's loud whistle stopped both of us in our tracks. "What the bloody hell are you two doing?" He shook his head. "You two know you're not allowed to spar with each other."

"No one else would spar with me," I told him. "I wanted to get a good workout before my shift."

"Don't see why you didn't just call up your little boyfriend," Pat mumbled. I didn't even glance at him as I punched him in the gut. "I probably deserved that one."

Ozzy waved us forward. "Get outta there before you hurt each other. Idiots."

Peter looked up from his newspaper. "Told ya he'd find out. You two are always too much in a ring together."

"You're no better, mister! Why are you letting them pull this in the first place?" Oz asked.

"I'm a recovering cancer patient," Peter said with large puppy dog eyes. "I did my best."

"Bull!" Patrick and I said in unison.

Ozzy rolled his eyes. "Oh, give me a break with those eyes. Lena, go get ready for work. Patrick, clean up your mess. Peter, tell me what horses are racing tomorrow."

We all followed Oz's instructions. I dragged myself up the stairs and threw my sore body into a boiling hot shower with a relieved sigh. The week had been… Interesting since Jake and I's makeout session in the bathroom at Home Bar. We hadn't kissed again, but the urge was always there whenever we got too close to each other. Why does he have to have such soft lips? I whined to myself. And be so good at kissing? And so attractive. With a sigh, I pressed my head against the chilled tile. I had it bad.

I got dressed and bid my little family farewell before quickly making my way to the restaurant. Nick smiled from behind the bar and gave me his usual "morning red" when I passed. Scott and Isaac were bickering about some menial topics when I slipped through the doors and greeted the kitchen. Bitch paused to yell a quick "hey Lena" over their shoulders.

Upstairs the locker room was packed. Everyone was talking and gossiping as they got dressed for their shifts. Sasha leaned against his locker while Heather and Ari shared the couch, priming their looks. "Good morning!"

"Morning, Tiger," they greeted.

I peed Jake's locker and put his jacket inside before making my way to my own and changing into my cooking gear. A few seconds after I put my shirt on, Jake rounded the corner setting his bike in the hall with a smile aimed at me as he entered the room.

“Morning,” Jake mumbled, heading to his locker.

Still finishing with the buttons on my shirt, I looked over at him. “You look like shit.”

The second his locker opened, he shook his head, grabbed his jacket, and tossed it to me. “Put that back in your locker for me?”

“No!” I hollered, tossing it back at him. “If you wanna sneak your shit into my locker, do it on your own time, pretty boy.”

“Pretty boy?” He questioned with a raised brow.

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t pretend like you don’t know you’re pretty, Jake. It’s tacky.”

With a slight tilt of his head and a bright gleam in his eyes, he started taking out his earring. “So I’m pretty and tacky?”

“I don’t make the rules,” I replied, smiling.

Sasha gestured back and forth between us with wide eyes. “Do you believe me now?”

Ari shook her head. “There’s no way.”

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“I’m trying to get these bitches to pay me my money!” Sasha replied with a sigh. “I won the bet. They clearly did the nasty. What more do you want? A photo? Video?” He turned his head to us. “You two didn’t happen to tape you’re very passionate sex, did you?”

Jake chuckled, shaking his head. “Jesus, he sees one make-out session, and he’s already hunting for porn.”

"Pay up, you nasty vaginas!" Sasha suddenly demanded, holding out his hands to Ari and Heather.

Heather shook her head. "Not a chance. One make-out session does not equal them fucking."

"Of course they fucked!" He insisted. "I was there! I saw them with my own two eyes! There is no way they didn't hook up after getting caught like little vandals!"

Ari glanced at me, eyes trailing up and down my form for a minute before she looked at Jake, squinting slightly. "I gotta go with Heather on this."

Sasha scoffed. "Excuse me?!"

"Look!" Ari insisted on pointing to Jake's back as he lifted his shirt over his head. "No claw marks, and he's only got two hickeys on his neck. Lena looks like the type to mark her territory." She smiled at me. "And our Tiger only has one little hickey on her collarbone with none on her boobs. No teeth marks either. Jake's a hungry boy," she smirked wider. "No way he's leaving a meal as fine as that without a few nibbles."

"Wow," I deadpanned. "You guys are bigger idiots than I thought."

“Tiger, tell them!” Sasha begged.

I gave him a loving pat on the cheek. “Sorry, dear Sasha, but you’re gonna lose your bet.”

He groaned loudly and slapped Jake on the shoulder. “I blame you!”

“Me?” Jake questioned. “The fuck did I do?”

“Nothing! That’s the point!” Sasha sighed. “It never takes you this long to seal the deal. Not even with the chittering baby monster.”

With a shrug, Jake nodded to me. “Take that up with her. I woulda fucked her months ago if she would have let me.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“Am I?” Jake chuckled. “Sorry, princess.” He looked over at Sasha with a shit-eating smile. “Fuck off, Sasha.”

“Thank you,” I hummed.

Sasha pointed to us before scoffing and muttering insults in Russian as he made his way out the door. I searched through my locker, hunting for my hairbrush before sighing and looking at Ari. “Do you have a hairbrush I can use? I can’t find mine.”

She hopped up and retrieved one from her locker. “You know, for someone whose apartment is spotless, you’re kind of shit at keeping track of your things.”

“I’m very organized,” I argued. “I'm probably taking shit home by accident.”

"So organized of you," she teased, heading down for family meal.

Once Jake and I were alone, that familiar air of sexual tension settled in the room. We likely would have acted on it a few times if it hadn't been for Simone and Olives' impeccable timing. The two of them came in together, making light conversation and putting a minor feeling of division between Jake and me.

Things between him and Simone were tense recently, but that didn't seem to stop the two of them from holding conversations with one another or joking in their free minutes. It made sense, given the nature of their relationship, but it still made me feel nauseous. I left the room while they talked and went to the long table for the family meal.

Howard set a glass of wine cow in front of me, gesturing to the glass with a smile. "Go ahead."

Swirling the liquid briefly, I lifted it to my nose and smiled at the light smell of lemon and the fruity notes of toasted apple. “1999 Dom Perignon Sparkling Wine.” I lifted the glass, sipping the sweet and flavorful liquid with a smile. “Amazing.”

“It’s your favorite,” Howard replied, examining the bottle.

“You remembered that?” I asked with a laugh.

He set a hand on my shoulder and shrugged. “I’ve got a good memory with important things like this.”

From across the table, Jake scoffed as he took his seat next to Simone. He drank the wine in his glass, glaring at Howard the entire time he went over the events of the night's service. It should have made me roll my eyes and call him ridiculous, but the small and majorly insignificant jealousy Jake felt whenever Howard came anywhere near me made me feel light and giddy. It was dumb. We weren’t dating; we weren’t anything… but I still smiled down into my glass.

Service was a blur as I hopped between line and dish, helping out in any way I could before Howard instructed me to restock the glasses at the bar. I grabbed one of the clean racks and carefully moved to the side of the bar that usually wasn’t so busy. Unfortunately, I practically tripped over the body blocking the doorway. Jake quickly lifted the counter for me and helped me slide under while he continued to speak to the man in the way. “How much?”

“A thousand.”

“Fuck yeah,” Jake smiled and shook the man's hand. “Same place as last time?”

I glanced at the two of them, meeting his friend's eyes as he shamelessly checked out my ass. “Yeah… Hi.”

Fighting the urge to roll my eyes, I turned my head away to refocus on stocking the shelf. “Hi.”

The man groaned and leaned forward on the bar. “I’m Tommy.”

“Nice to meet you, Tommy.”

Jake shifted closer to me, giving his friend an exasperated look. “Really, man?’

“She yours or something?”

“No,” we said simultaneously, glancing at one another for a quick second before looking away.

“You should come tonight,” Tommy said, his eyes having difficulty focusing on my face as he admired my figure. “We could definitely use a girl like you livening up the place.”

Jake’s jaw ticked as he snapped in his friend's face to get his attention again. “Lay off, Tommy. I’ll be there at nine.”

Tommy gave Jake a look before he nodded. “Alright, fine, sounds good.”

I resumed my simple task as Jake maneuvered around me, serving a few drinks before leaning back against the bar shelves beside me. “Sorry about him. He’s kind of a sleaze.”

“I’ve been working bars since I was fifteen, Jake. I’m used to a few choice comments from a few choice sleazeballs.” I offered him a smile, gently nudging him when the stern look on his face didn’t ease. “Relax.”

“You should come, though,” he suddenly said.

“Oh?”

“It’s some stupid warehouse party. I’ll be working,” he replied, acting as though he hadn’t entirely meant to invite me. “But you could hang out… maybe dance while I do that.”

With a thoughtful hum, I stacked another two glasses before looking up at him and batting my eyelashes. “You sure I won’t annoy you?”

Jake smirked, cocking his head with a slightly raised brow. “Oh, I’m positive you will.” His tone was low and teasing but held that thinly veiled sensual energy that made me feel breathless and wanting. “But I don’t mind.”

I held his gaze as I shrugged. “It could be fun. Would you dance with me?”

“I don’t dance,” he answered, blatantly ignoring one of the guests trying to get his attention.

“Shame,” I replied. “It would have been a good excuse to get up close and personal with me.”

His mouth twitched into a genuine smile before he concealed it beneath that shit-eating grin. “I can think of plenty of excuses to get up close and personal with you, princess.” I grabbed hold of the now empty dish tray and turned my head away from him, moving to return to the kitchen. “Are you gonna come?” He called out, watching me go.

I looked over my shoulder and nodded. “It sounds like fun. I’ll be there. Nine, right?”

Jake nodded. “I’ll meet you outside. It's kind of a shit neighborhood."

“He says to the boxer,” I teased. “See you there.”

The night dragged on, and I glanced at the clock impatiently with each passing minute. This wasn’t a date. Of course, it wasn’t, but my heart still pounded like it was one. Isaac caught me in yet another turn to look at the ticking clock and slapped my arm with a towel. “The hells your problem?”

“I don’t have a problem,” I hissed back at him, rubbing the red spot on my arm. “Just ready for the night to be over.”

He narrowed his eyes at me but returned to work without more questions. I continued to speed between line and dish the rest of the night until, at last, a spotless kitchen graced the kitchen staff's eyes. “Looks good, everyone. Now let's get the fuck out of here,” Scott praised, heading up the stairs already half out of his coat.

I changed quicker tonight and slipped out the back door without even bothering to meet up with the rest of the group for after-shift drinks, knowing full well Sasha would just use his annoying pestering to pry information out of me. 911 dress emergency, you free?

Quinn would likely be at work, but knowing her, she’d have a dress that I could borrow on hand. Absolutely. Head to the club. I’ll be on break in fifteen. Details as payment, though.

Deal.

The club was packed with a large crowd when I got there. Security helped me slide through to the back room, where I sat in Quinn’s makeup chair and waited for her to get done on stage. She hurried through the door and threw on a robe before she jumped into searching her dresses. “Hey, how's your night?”

“Slammed,” she replied. “But I’ve already made a hell of a paycheck, so I won’t complain.”

I fiddled with the makeup brushes on her desk until she set a red dress on the rack next to me. It was a relatively simple design, deep red with a generously low cut top and two strategically placed strips of seethrough lace on the sides. “Oh, you’re pulling out your good shit?”

She nodded, moving around me to grab some makeup. “Duh. This is for a date, isn’t it?”

“No,” I answered. “Jake just invited me to some warehouse thing he’s working at tonight.”

“Soooo a date…” she replied, holding my chin in her hands and working on my makeup without a second thought.

“It’s not a date.”

“Yeah, and you’re just friends.”

“We are-”

“I’m not doing this with you right now,” she sighed. “Now, hold still, so I don’t fuck up your face.”

She gave me a dramatic look with red glitter and big clunky stars shimmering on my cheekbones and temples. It was one of her go-to night-out looks, and while it was a bit much, it would likely make me impossible to miss tonight, even for a bartender. Quinn’s nose scrunched up as she smiled. “Perfect. Now go get changed and get your cute ass to your date.”

“It’s not a date!” I hollered as I slid behind her changing screen.

“Whatever!”

Stepping back out, donned in the soft gown, I posed. “How do I look?”

She pulled my hair free of my ponytail and floofed it up before nodding. “Very hot. Extra fuckable.”

“Thanks,” I pressed a quick kiss to her cheek. “Maybe stop by when you’re done here.”

“Sure thing, text me the address!”

Outside the club, Dom sat on the back of his bike. When he saw me, his eyebrows rose. “Got a hot date or something?”

I shook my head. “I’m just going to some party.”

“Where at?”

“Some warehouse in Queens.”

He shook his head. “Hop on. I’ll drive you.”

I gave him a look. “Why?”

“Queens is Eddie’s turf. So I just wanna make an appearance, you know, make sure him and his boys are on their best behavior while you’re there.”

“How sweet.”

“New-”

“Newbies get the helmet, I know,” I said, sliding on the back of his bike and pulling the helmet over my head.

Jake stood outside the warehouse, listening to the loud music blaring in his ears as he smoked. Lena said she would be there, and if he were being honest, the anticipation was killing him. Ever since they’d kissed on the Ferris Wheel, it had been nearly impossible not to kiss her every time she looked up at him through her thick lashes. Whenever she and he were alone in a room together, he had to either keep his distance or fight internally over whether he should kiss her. It was obvious she wanted to kiss him. While he enjoyed knowing she was just as affected by him as he was by her, it made the whole situation more complicated.

He heard the familiar roar of the drug dealer's bike and watched the man pull into the parking lot with Lena hugging his back. From where he stood, he could tell she was dressed in red, a color he appreciated more each time she wore it. He’d practically dropped his cigarette when she stood up and slid the helmet off. The dress was low cut and hugged her figure perfectly, but the sides really killed him. The sheer lace brought out her creamy skin beneath the dress and accentuated her not wearing underwear. God damn this woman, he cursed, taking a long drag of his cigarette before tossing it to the ground and crushing it beneath his boot. She’s gonna fucking kill me at this point.

Getting a ride from Dom turned out to be a lifesaver. The streets were crowded with taxis as we wove through and made our way toward the old neighborhood. Once we’d parked, he made eye contact with a few bikers across the parking lot, standing next to the club while I got off and held his helmet back to him. “Gimme your arm,” he instructed, pulling out a pen.

“Seriously?” I asked while still following his order. “I’m not fifteen anymore, Dom. I know my way around.”

He drew the four-leafed clover on my wrist with his messy phone number above it. If lost, call Dom. It was something he used to do every night I came to him looking to get fucked up, and back then, it’d actually saved my ass more than once. He smiled and nodded toward the club. “Tell the kid I’ll kill him if he lets you get into trouble tonight.”

I turned around, flipping him off. “I’m not telling him that!”

Jake stood next to the entrance, cigarette embers still flaring at his feet as he looked me up and down and clapped slowly. “Damn, you really showed up trying to make me look like shit, huh?”

“I think you look fine,” I answered, smoothing my hands down his leather jacket. His eyes focused on my lips. “We heading in or what?”

I could tell for a split second he’d wanted to say no, but he nodded, turning and grabbing my hand as we walked toward the door. The bounders knew him and let us both pass straight through. It was exactly as the name implied. A sizeable empty warehouse filled with shitty lights and speakers, a band with a bar on the opposite end, and makeshift shelves filled with booze. Jake led us through the dancing crowd, carefully looking back to ensure I was still close by, even though he’d held my hand.

His friend, Tommy, stood beside the bar, instructing the second bartender as Jake slid his jacket off and handed it to me. “Watch that for me?”

“Sure thing, master bartender.”

Rolling his eyes, he tapped Tommy on the shoulder, and the two conversed for a minute before he noticed me. Then, with a sly grin, he elbowed Jake. “I knew you wouldn’t pass up a chance with that.”

“Fuck off,” Jake brushed off, jumping into work, taking drink orders, and quickly making them. Sitting at the bar in front of him and watching him mix drinks like he did every night shouldn't have been so fun, but it was. I especially enjoyed the moments of free time he’d get to lean over the bar and make me custom drinks with flirty winks and the unique brand of sexual tension we’d basically trademarked. After a while, I slowly made my way onto the dance floor, letting go of the stress that life had been building up to give in to this one night of fun.

He couldn’t help but stare at her as she moved on the dance floor. Her wild hair and equally free spirit were something he rarely got to see at work, and fuck did he enjoy it. Most girls - people in general - looked ridiculous trying to dance in clubs, but Lena made it look sensual and fun.

“Would you dance with me?”

“I don’t dance.”

“Shame. It would have been a good excuse to get up close and personal with me.”

He’d said he could think of better ways to get up close and personal, but now that he was here watching her move in that dress, his mind was blank. Finally, the man bartending beside him nodded to the dance floor. “She your girl or something?”

Without thinking, Jake nodded. “Or something.”

Lena turned and smiled at him before disappearing into the mass of bodies. “I can handle shit here if you wanna take a break.”

“Thanks,” Jake replied, moving around the bar as quickly as possible to seek her out on the dance floor.

Swaying with the music, I lost myself to the beat. It felt fucking amazing to let go and have fun. It felt more amazing when Jake’s familiar hands settled on my hips, pulling me back into him as he pressed his lips to my shoulder. “I thought you don’t dance.”

He grinned down at me, leaning in close enough that I could practically taste him. “It looked like a good excuse to get up close and personal with you.”

“You’re clever.”

“I try,” he replied.

The two of us moved against each other, our bodies creating a sinful and very dangerous friction that made a buzz of pleasure settle in my gut, slowly winding more and more as his hands roamed my body. Looking up at him as he danced beneath the lights, I really wanted to throw out my stupid notions of keeping our friendship intact. Instead, I wanted to jump into his arms… wanted to kiss him until we were tearing each other's clothes off. And if the dark hunger of his gaze meant anything, he felt similarly.

A few minutes later, I felt him press me unbearably close, so close I couldn’t help but moan at the unexpected action. Jake’s head pressed into the back of mine. “Fuck.”

“Wha-” I turned to ask, only to catch a quick glimpse of him hurrying through the crowd toward the bathrooms. He stumbled, nearly tripping as he practically shoved people out of his way. Something must be wrong. Following him, I called out, “Jake!”

He practically slammed the bathroom door in my face as I shoved through. “You should head back to the bar.”

“Are you alright?” I asked, watching him lean over the sink, sucking in deep breaths of air. I locked the bathroom door. If he was fucked up on something, the last thing we needed was some couple coming here looking to fuck.

"I'm good," Jake practically groaned.

I touched his shoulder, pulling him to face me so I could try to figure out what he was fucked up on. "What do you need? Water? A hospital?" His eyes slid down the length of me, pupils blown wide and a light sheen of sweat beginning to glimmer on his skin. His chest rose and fell in rapid breaths. I pressed my hand to his chest, unintentionally pushing myself closer to him. "Your hearts racing. What the hell did you take?"

He said nothing for a minute as he closed his eyes and tilted his head back with a quiet "Fuck."

"Ja-" The question died on my tongue as the unmistakable outline of his fully hard dick became impossible to miss.

"I’m not high," he explained tensely. "I didn’t plan on being in such a confined space with you looking like that."

I looked down at the form-fitting, short, mostly sheer dress Quinn had given me to wear tonight. "Oh."

He chuckled. "Yeah, oh. I just need a minute."

I don't know what came over me; maybe it was all the shit pent up throughout our months-long flirting. Maybe it was just my body craving the chance to give him the pleasure I knew he wanted. Or maybe it was the way Jake looked beneath the dim lights in the dingy basement bathroom, head thrown back, sweat rolling down his throat, his hands gripping the sink so tight his knuckles turned white. Whatever it was made my lips move without consulting my brain. "I could help you."

"Not much you can do in a situation like this."

"There's one thing I can do."

He looked back at me, disbelief evident in how his face scrunched up. "What?"

"Are you seriously going to make me spell it out for you?"

"Absolutely."

"Do you want a blowjob or not?" I asked, point blank, looking down the length of him, eyes settling on the thick outline of his dick straining against his jeans.

He tilted my chin up, dark eyes examining my face closely. "Are you high?"

"No," I answered.

"Drunk?"

"No." I laughed softly. "I can leave you to figure it out alone if you’re not interested."

"I just want to be sure you know what you're doing."

"Does it look like I don't know what I'm doing?"

"No," he replied. "I don't want to take advantage of you." His face was smug as ever, but the tone of his voice held the sincerity the rest lacked.

I pulled myself closer, watching his eyes follow me, looking at me as if I was the only thing he cared about. "How about we set some ground rules then?"

"I'm all ears," he said, throat bobbing.

"First, let's not make this weird. This is just one friend helping out another." Jake chuckled but nodded in agreement, eyes settling onto my lips as his head unconsciously tilted forward, chasing them. “Second, no kissing on the lips.”

That made him scoff. “What, like we haven’t made out in a bathroom before?”

I rolled my eyes, setting my hands on the flat, lean-built plane of his abdomen. “If I kiss you, this will turn into more than a quick blowjob in some shitty club bathroom real quick.”

“Glad to know you find me so irresistible,” he breathed out. “Any more rules?”

"Just a small assurance. If I feel like you're taking advantage of me, I'll let you know, and I expect you to do the same.” His look felt deeper than what I could see on the surface. Jake looked like what I’d said. The simple and basic principle behind successful hookups or sexually charged favors between friends was something he’d never heard of before now. It made me sad, thinking of how his mind likely went to Simone and just how neglectful she was of the stability of their odd relationship with one another. I pushed it aside, now more set on showing him what a healthy moment of intimacy between two people looked like. “Now, do you want my help with your problem or not?"

"I'm all yours, princess,” he whispered, voice lacking all sarcasm that generally came with the nickname he’d given me months ago in Cape Cod. It was an admission. Pure and honest and more than enough to flood me with desire.

With a soft smile, I leaned in closer, chest to chest, hands fisting lightly in his shirt. Our lips nearly brushed as I looked into his darkened eyes and whispered back, “Good.”

I moved my lips to the side, pressing them to his jaw and slowly working my way down to his neck. My hands slid down to his belt, slowly undoing the fastenings and loosening the tightness of his pants just enough to bring him a moment of relief. He sighed, mumbling a quiet “Fuck.”

His head tilted back, giving me unrestricted access to his neck as I smiled against his skin, carefully palming him through his jeans with one hand. “Don’t get too excited tough guy,” I teased before latching my teeth around that irresistible, glinting, pierced ear. Then, moving my lips back to his neck, I sucked a new bruise into his delicate skin.

“So much for being discrete,” he chuckled, audibly biting back a moan.

“We haven’t been discrete for months,” I noted, working on undoing his jeans. “A few hickeys won’t be anything new.”

He watched my face closely, still searching for any sign of doubt. I appreciated it, but he wouldn’t find any. I wanted this. More than I thought I had. With the front of his pants open, my hand slid down, gliding gently down his length and pulling a long low moan out of his throat. God, I wanted him to make that sound all the time. I slid my hands into his jeans, pulling the fabric down just enough for his dick to spring forward, free of his underwear.

Jake was well endowed, something I’d assumed but still somehow hadn’t really been prepared for. His eyes shut, and his breath quickened as I slid down his body. I pressed gentle kisses and quick bites to his neck before running my hands up his shirt and dragging my nails down his chest as I slid to my knees. I was no stranger to a quickie in some shitty club bathroom, but this felt different. I was far more focused on Jake’s face and the noises he made as I stroked him rather than his actual dick.

I licked the underside of his cock first, enjoying the way he flinched and bucked closer to my face. God, he’s so pretty when he’s this desperate. Then, swirling my tongue around the pulsing, leaking tip of his dick, I closed my eyes to listen to the noises he made. Sex with men was usually quiet, especially oral activities, but Jake wasn’t like most men. He was shameless in the moans and whines and whimpers he made, and I couldn’t get enough of it. After making sure he was nice and slick, I slowly began bobbing up and down, pushing him further into my mouth until I reached the perfect spot where the tip of him just barely hit the back of my throat.

"God, you're perfect," he groaned, hands burying themselves in my hair. I expected Jake to be a puller. I expected him to want total control... To use me. But he didn't. Instead, his hands held my hair back, and as I looked up, the reason became clear. Jake wanted to watch me. He wanted to see my face.

I’d given guys blowjobs in bathrooms before, but it had never felt so intimate. They’d cared more about the feeling of my hot, wet mouth around their dicks than they cared about me. They hadn’t ever even bothered to look at me. I held his gaze as I bobbed my head, taking more of him into my mouth each time. Those eyes alone would undo me.

Tears stung the corners of my eyes, and Jake carefully brought a hand out from my hair to dab them dry. “You’re doing so good,” he praised. Oh fuck. His hand in my hair tightened, tugging on my roots just enough to send a lightning strike of pleasure shooting down to my core. I moaned around him, bringing another ragged moan out of his chest. His free hand cupped my jaw, gently kneading the muscles as his hips carefully met my mouth with eager thrusts.

My hands came up to rest on his thighs, squeezing them and using them as support as his movements grew harder and sloppier. “Lena,” he whined, supporting himself on the sink and throwing his head back. “God… I’m close.”

I slid my hands up his thighs to rest on his abdomen. I could feel the muscles beneath his skin tighten each time he thrust into my throat. His breaths grew more harsh and labored. Just a few more thrusts and he’d be there. I hummed around him, dragging my nails down his stomach and taking hold of his arms, using them as leverage to pull myself closer until I was gagging on him. Then, with one last, deep thrust, he spilled down my throat. “Fuck!”

Swallowing every drop he gave me, I sat still, letting him carefully release my head before I pulled back, licking the tip of his cock for good measure. He panted above me, eyes boring down into mine as I slowly rose to my feet, using him to steady myself as my slightly numb legs wobbled. His head dipped down, the urge to kiss me plain on his face as he settled for dropping his head to my shoulder. “Holy shit.”

“Did that help?” I asked hoarsely.

“Absolutely,” he answered.

I couldn’t fight the proud smile on my lips as I squeezed his arms and pulled away to stand beside him, straightening myself up in the mirror. “Good.”

Still catching his breath, he pressed his chest to my back, lips skimming the back of my neck. His hands squeezed my hips, gently pulling the material of my dress up before I stopped him. “You’re not gonna let me repay the favor?”

“Not tonight,” I breathed, glancing at him over my shoulder with a smile.

Jake shook his head. “So what, you’re just gonna blow me in some bathroom and not let me pay you back?”

I fixed his jacket and belt, nodding. “Yeah.”

“You’re something else,” he replied.

“Something good, I hope,” I answered. “I’ll let you clean yourself up a bit. See you back at the bar, pretty boy.”

As I walked out of the bathroom, savoring the lightheaded euphoric feeling of Jake and I’s… activity in the bathroom, Quinn smirked at me from the bar. I slowly settled into the seat beside her, watching her pull a small tin from her purse and pop it open. “Mint?” I didn’t look at her as I accepted the small pungent candy and popped it into my mouth, wincing slightly at how it mingled with the salty tang left by Jake.

“Well, that was impulsive.”

I shook my head. “Not a word, Quinn.”

“Oh, I’m not judging!” She assured me. “Lord knows I’ve given a lot less pretty guys blowjobs in club bathrooms. I was just making an observation.”

Jake slid back behind the bar, whispering a few words of appreciation to the other man working for covering for him. Then, he stood in front of us and leaned against the bar. “Didn't know you were coming."

"Wow, not even a thank you for dressing your girl up for you?" She scoffed. "I see how it is."

"Having fun, Quinn?”

She smirked. “One of us certainly is.”

“Need a refill?” He asked, brushing past her blatantly obvious taunt.

“Always,” she smiled even wider. “I am so glad you invited me tonight. Now I get dibs on the teasing.”

I shook my head at her. “Tease away.”

Tease, she did. For thirty minutes, she gave Jake and me her best material. She covered bathroom blowjobs, the ever-popular “just friends” comments, and more, but unlike the other times, she’d teased me there wasn’t any of the shameful weight. But, of course, I wasn’t hiding my attraction or feelings for Jake now, so her teasing ultimately made us both chuckle.

When the night finally ended, Jake walked me outside and waited for me while I hailed a cab. I nudged his shoulder. “Are you going to Ari’s big show thing this weekend?”

“Normally, I’d say fuck no,” Jake replied, grinning. “But now I know you’re going.”

“You don’t have to come just for me.”

“It could be fun,” he insisted. “Besides, she always throws a party after at her abandoned hotel, and that is always a good time.”

I smiled at him as the cab pulled up beside me. “Then I guess I’ll see you there.”

He lit a cigarette and placed it between his lips. “Maybe I’ll get to repay that favor I owe you.”

Favor seemed like a far too nice word for what I knew he had in mind. “Goodnight, loser.”

“Get home safe,” he answered, watching the cab pull away before he started hailing one of his own.

My apartment was quiet, filled with the soft white noise of my old TV playing in the living room while I changed and got ready for bed. I’d just gotten a glass of water when a loud engine speeding across the street sent me ducking for cover. I curled up on the floor, my back pressed tightly into the back of the couch as I listened, holding my breath, to see if the car would make another pass.

Have you seen his car recently? I texted Dom with shaking hands.

His reply was almost instantaneous. No, why? Did something happen?

I forced an even breath out. No. I just thought I heard it drive by.

Stay put. I’m on my way.

Dom arrived at my apartment within a matter of minutes. He carefully drove through the neighborhood a few times, scanning the parked cars and the surrounding streets before he parked his bike and came to sit beside me on the floor. “I didn’t see anything, but I’ll stay the night to make sure.”

“You don’t have to do that,” I answered softly, holding my legs close to my chest.

Dom leaned forward to meet my far-off gaze. “Yeah, I do. Now go get in bed and go to sleep. I’ll take the couch.” I opened my mouth to protest, but he just rolled his eyes and stood up. He set up the couch and settled into the firm cushions, facing the door.

I reached over and held his hand for a minute. “Thanks, Dom.”

He squeezed it with a smile. “Get some sleep, kid. Nothin’s getting past me.”

That night I tossed and turned for a few minutes before passing out, knowing the truth of Dom’s words. Nothing was going to happen while he was here. Nothing ever did. For a minute, I could just close my eyes and forget that there was even a problem… for a minute, I could just go to sleep like an average person. I knew deep down it wouldn’t always be so easy, but I would pretend tonight.

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shepfax · 9 months

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combo of day 3 and 4 post-op journal

this one has a photo in it of my body post-op so viewer discretion is advised. there is no blood, sexual content, or overall frightening imagery but it is "raw" so to speak in that it's actively healing flesh so it'll be under the readmore.

so yesterday (Jan 7th) I got to take a shower for the first time since surgery. this was my first chance to see my chest uncovered and when I tell you I legitimately could not be happier I mean it. my surgeon is apparently a fucking master human sculptor (my primary doc said today that she's typically on task for cis people's cosmetic procedures anyway) and she gave me a body that really, truly looks the way I always knew it should.

look at that. a fucking masterpiece. incisions lovingly shaped under my natural chest wall, nipples realistically placed, it's just organic enough to look symmetrical without actually being so, which is exactly how I wanted it for fear of looking artificial. it's soft, not flat, just like me, and it's mine. it's truly, honestly beautiful to me.

also I got a note that the pathology was normal on the tissue they removed and it confirmed that I lost 3.35 lbs of dysphoric meat. big win for me.

the showering itself was low-key awful though I'll be real with you all. removing the soft dressings from my bolsters and drains (which I was instructed to do I promise) made me all the more aware of them and while the bolsters are 100% numb the sensation of the drains made me almost faint it was so viscerally offensive. I sat in the shower and my wife helped me wash my head, arms, and back for as long as I could handle being out of the compression vest. putting it all back on was fine but then it was like. you know how you pack a suitcase perfectly before a trip and then you can never get all the shit you brought to fit the same way back into the suitcase? it feels kinda like that. ever since I unwrapped everything and re-wrapped it, I am suddenly slightly more aware of it's presence and it sucks ass. the drain outputs keep pinging me with a gnarly little itch of pain and the shower dressings I wore over the bolsters ripped out a bunch of my chest hair and those areas are itchy as fuck now. grrr

for physical activity I tried some of the neck/arm exercises the doc sent me and went with my mom to the grocery, picking up scar care gel for future use.

a friend of my family sent me not one, not ten, but a pack of 24 silly straws as a get well gift. I have aggregated 23 of them into a vase as the world's silliest bouquet and use one to stay hydrated.

today (Jan 8th) I took it very easy, with a small breakfast, a big hefty nap and a virtual appointment with my primary doctor for medication recheck on my hormones. she was very happy to hear about my experience with my surgeon and plans to recommend her to others in the future. big moment: I made myself lunch for the first time since surgery (literally just a banana cut in half with some peanut butter in the middle)! activity was only a short walk around the neighborhood with my dad, both because I was exhausted from poor sleep and because it was cold & windy.

tomorrow is my first post-op appointment with the surgical team and I believe it's the day I get my bolsters off but I could be wrong. we shall see what the future brings😀

#shep talks #surgery tag #top op journal

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misscammiedawn · 2 years

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50 Days of HypnoKink - Day 43: Hypnotic Theory

Alignment: Ambivalent or Top. I know there are resources on learning how to Bottom. But have you considered I prefer private instruction?

Jokes aside. I love hypnotic theory. I always have.

My earliest days online I remember reading up on subliminal advertising techniques and going down a rabbit hole of "Painted Ice Cubes" and other such things which seemed too weird to be true.

From there I ended up reading Subliminal Seduction in my late teens out of curiosity and was kind of fascinated by the concepts at play. I was already well and truly fascinated with hypnosis but hypnosis was this magical spell that was cast by magicians. This psuedo-science of advertising execs promising that glimpses of sharks and phallus' would unlock the secrets to sales was my first and unfortunate step into understanding the theory behind it all.

Next step was of course M.K Ultra which is 100% a meme in today's hypnokink community and at best an aesthetic for serious torture-brainwashing play which is at a much higher level of anything than I'm really capable of. But it cited itself. Which got me looking into the history of Mesmer and Braid and then onto a bloke named Milton Erickson...

Archive.org had a lot of his stuff. In fact all of his stuff.

Between Erickson in my textbooks and Derren Brown on my television, right at the start of his career when the fascination of mentalism was still tied heavily to hypnosis (and early Derren Brown was a Fae and a bit of an ass XD) my earliest teachers were pretty bad at consent. Which lead to certain expectations of hypnosis which lead to me picking bad partners at the start of my career.

But Erickson's stuff compelled me.

Early 20s Camden used a lot of Ericksonian speech patterns in her play. Though back then she was only really hypnotizing people under compulsion and usually while hypnotized to channel or outright become a character.

The fact I read medical journals is the moment I knew this fascination had evolved into a life altering obsession. That this was my One Thing.

It was the studies of Erickson working on participants with amputated limbs to study the phantom limb theory that really got me to sit up and pay attention to the science behind it.

At this point of my life I'd been studying on surgeries being performed with hypnosis (a terrifying concept. When I have my surgery I will be hypnotized to go under for the anesthesia like a good girl) and I had seen EKG readings that proved that hypnosis changes the way that the brain scans.

Every step of my life I have leaned on evidence and proof and every step of my study into hypnosis taught me it was not fantasy. It was reality and the more I accepted that the better I was at both hypnotizing, free of doubt and insecurity, and being hypnotized, trusting it works.

I still struggle with that. A lot. Thinking I am just acting or following along. But the more I read the better I feel.

I got my certification at the age of 23. I am not a fan of George Kappas (his work is misogynistic to my eyes) but his school taught me for a year (one of my classmates and the person I studied with for my finals is actually another high profile member of the online hypnosis community) and taught me the most important lesson any school has ever taught me:

I ALREADY KNOW THIS.

I was 23 years old and knew as much as the instructors. That was a good feeling.

Also my classmate and I are still friends. We're not super close, but she and I are in contact. I spent some time with them at a recent hypnosis event. It means a lot to me that even though my name and gender changed, they still remember me.

In my 30s I moved on from academic hypnosis materials to community driven information. I have read Lee & Pynch's book on Amnesia, sleepingirl's Brainwashing and NLP books and of course Wiseguy's Mind Play. I've also taken Wiseguy's class, though didn't bother taking my final. Which was a good use of $1,200.

Every now and again Sleepyhead will show up and just put a book in my hand. I think her copy of The Encyclopedia of Stage Hypnotism has graduated into my copy of The Encyclopedia of Stage Hypnotism (Sleepy, you can have your books back at any time).

These days I am lazy and can't really read much. I'm studying therapy more than anything with my latest obsessions being Janina Fischer and Melissa Tiers; Tiers herself being a world class hypnotist that many of our top community members have spent big bucks to train under.

In fact, here's an exert from a moment that I first started reading her Anxiety Toolkit.

Thing is I'm a really bad study. I read these things and absorb them, they change how I think and how I approach things, but after I move on to the next book I forget what was in the last one. The ways my style changes remain but I am just horrible at internalizing rote facts and learning.

People say I'm clever. Goddess even told me once that she thinks I know more about hypnosis than her, which is a compliment I cannot accept. I know my shit. I practice.

I just don't feel good at this.

I never really finished school. I got pulled out at 16. I was an average student at best who was trying her hardest. I remember seeing that one Simpsons episode where Bart breaks down in tears over studying for a test and failing and feeling seen. Teen me wanted to go to college, wanted to be Smart because at the time I thought Smart was strong.

I get really weird about my perceived intelligence because I cannot believe myself to be smart... but somewhere along the way I tricked people into never really seeing me as the dumbass I feel myself as. I guess the thing I'd say here is, I have massive amounts of curiosity and I enjoy learning.

I just suck at memorization. I should be nicer to myself for that. Theory brings me joy. I should be proud of that.

---

Day 42: Gradual Descents

FULL SCHEDULE MASTER POST

Day 44: Fluttering Eyelids

#camden posting #hypnosis #hypnokink #50 days of fetishes

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nohiketoosmall · 10 months

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Pasty update

I did not bump up the humidity enough before we left / underestimated the evaporation. We left for 5 days and I didn't leave my dad instructions related to pastrys humidity, just to check that the temps and lamp were on.

When we got home she was in blue so I wet all the moss in her humid hide and everything but she got spooked and left it, I was hoping it was the beginning of being in blue but it must have been the end stage because she shed overnight.

It was in four pieces, 2 big and 2 little. Because this is her first shed since the surgery, I think she had some difficulty getting everything off her head and that's where some of the tears were from. The eyecaps shed fine, all the rest of the scales look alright, just there are some rips. For the first time she has some scales left over but they're just scales in the scar region, like its only 3-4 scales in the area where the incision/stitches were. So I'm going to try soaking her today to get them off, I don't want to touch them because I don't know how much that area could potentially hurt her.

All in all, a good reminder to bump up the humidity more and give my dad instructions on taking care of the snake. Honestly I was worried he would let Boo in the room on accident.

Speaking of Boo, I was so worried when my dad couldn't come Friday because he would have missed at least one meal if my dad gave him the amount of food I asked for (2 cups). But my dad saw all the cans of cat food on the table and gave boo a can, I think just to try and make friends with him because boo is afraid of him. So not only did boo get two cups of dry food, he got an entire can of the beef fancy feast non-diet cat food. luckily he didn't throw up or anything, beef doesn't usually agree with him.

#also my dad left the can in the sink with a little bit of cat food and attracted some of the roaches #ugh #pastry the snake #boo the cat #reptiblr

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burningflamescurse · 1 year

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Prologue

Pre-Accident!Stephen Strange x Neurosurgeon!OFC

Series Summary: Meet Blake Shepherd, The Daughter of Derek Shepherd and Addison-Montgomery-Shepherd, and a Neurosurgery Attending at Metro-General Hospital in New York City after Needing a break when Her father died from a car Crash, During which that Time she met the Other Attending Neurosurgeon, Stephen Strange, Now In Present time they are actually dating and two of the most Famous Neurosurgeon's in Metro-General, Watch as Blake navigates her life alongside her best friend and boyfriend Stephen Strange.

Chapter Summary: With The Emergency Room on High Alert with Multiple Trauma and Neuro Cases, Blake and Stephen find themselves Swamped with so many cases ending the day being completely Exhausted.

Chapter One: Keeping Peace in a Crazy time.

CW//TW: Medical Terminology, Drama, shouting, Surgery, Head Trauma, Cursing, Stephen Getting mad at The Interns, a Bunch of Different OC's, Blake and Christine are Best friends, Mentions of Derek Shepherd's Death, Trauma, Flashbacks, Blake also calls Cristina who is your Best friend from Seattle, Blake Loves Good Surgeries as Does Stephen, Injuries, Stephen being a doting Boyfriend.

It was Supposed to be a Peaceful and quiet day in the Hospital, but Blake Supposed That it Never was, When Her and Stephen first arrived They were immediately Swamped with a 911 In the ER. In Blake's Residency in Seattle Grace she was a Trauma Surgeon before she got her qualifications as a Neurosurgeon Much Like her Father, Which she was applauded on, Greatly on, Right before Her Father's Death she was awarded for both Qualifications.

Right now Blake was going between different Patients, Both with Significant Head traumas, Which Luckily were just some Mild Concussions. she was talking to one of her Interns, Shelby, about what to do, "Get a Repeat CT Scan on both Patients in about an Hour Just to make sure, If there is no Brain Bleed then Prescribe them some Medication for the Pain and Discharge them with the Instructions to come back if they have any Worsening Symptoms, If there is a Brain bleed Page me and Strange Immediately." Blake ordered. Shelby Nodded her head Immediately, "Of Course, Doctor Shepherd." She responded.

The Rest of Blake's Interns, which were Two men and a woman stood there aimlessly, "Amy, David, James, What are you standing around me for, It's My Lunch Break and I'm sure you all have tasks to do, David I know I told you your covering the pit for that little Incident Last week." Blake said, Glaring Slightly, they Spooked off while David Groaned, walking off towards the Pit. Blake sighed as she went off to her Lunch Break, Already Exhausted from how many Traumas she had to deal with during this time, going towards the Break room, Blake Grabbed a coke and a bag of chips before settling down on the couch sighing.

Blake zoned out until she heard that familiar deep voice calling her name, she opened one of her eyes, "Ah, Stephen, you finally got a break?" She hummed. He Chuckled at her Exhausted tone, “Yeah, ER was totally Swamped today especially the Neuro Department.” he commented grabbing his own Drink before Settling down next to Blake. Blake Closed her eyes in Apology, “I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to join you in the OR, Chief had me on trauma Service so my interns could learn something for once.”

Stephen waved her off, “It’s no Problem, babe, I know how The Interns are.” he responded, Blake Scoffed, Letting her Blonde hair down from the Ponytail. “After that last stunt David Pulled Last week, I might as well Stick him in the Pit.” She said, Scowling.

“Oh? And what was that?” Stephen Hummed, Obviously In the mood to hear what stupid Thing David Did to anger Blake. She Snorted, “He Tried to Steal a damn organ for a Donor Patient.” Blake Said. Stephen blinked at What Blake had said, Wow Interns really were Idiots, Which made him glad he wasn’t working with them.

“Yeah, Completely Idiotic for him, He won’t be Scrubbing in on any of my Surgeries anytime soon, it will be the Pit for him for a while.” Blake said, rolling her eyes, not to mention, tomorrow, a Late bloomer to the Residency Program would be added to her Service. Stephen Chuckled lightly, Wrapping his arm around her Shoulder.

Blake Snuggled into his Shoulder, Relaxing for a bit. Until Amy Came Into the Break room, “Doctor Shepherd we need you!” She said, stress Written all over her face. Blake sat up, “What is it Amy?” She asked. The Intern Panted as She saw them Both There, “James is Killing a Patient, and Shelby is Unconscious from a Freaked out patient.” She said.

Blake immediately got up as did Stephen, they ran towards the ER, “James! What happened?” Blake Asked while Stephen Examined Shelby who looked to be in bad Shape. James Shrinked under her Authoritative Tone, “Mr. John here, Came in Extremely Combative and under the Influence of some Hardcore Drugs, he attacked Shelby Pretty bad, and then Collapsed right after, I can’t Control his Arythimas and get them back to Normal.” James said.

“Doctor Strange, is Shelby okay?” Blake asked while she tried to keep John Alive, “Yeah she’ll need a Head CT to be safe but I assume she’ll wake will with a Nasty Headache and Concussion.” he responded. Blake nodded.

Finally Blake had Gotten John’s heart beat back to Normal, “Amy, Get a Angiocardiogram to see what caused that Minor Heart Attack.” Blake ordered, the Intern nodded before tapping away on the Tablet in her hands. James was about to argue but Blake held her hand Up to cut him off. “Uh—Uh, you Are not talking, you are listening.” She said.

“You almost killed that man because you were standing around like a Idiot.” Blake Said, Stephen Right behind her, “You almost would have left Shelby to Die from an Untreated concussion because you were standing around like a Moron, Amy had to Come get me and you know she has a Asthmatic Condition!” She added. Her Blue Eyes Showed compassion for her patients and Injured Colleagues but also Anger for the Misconduct James had done.

“Guess what? Your off Surgical Cases for a Month, your on Scut, Charting only and Consults, no surgeries.” Blake Ordered, expecting him to argue back but he Didn’t, which was good, it Meant he Recognized his Mistake.

A Few Hours Later and It was time for Both Blake’s and Stephen’s Shifts to be over, Blake Slung a warm coat over her shoulders, Signing a few Papers for some Patients at the Nurses station, the Main nurse or Charge Nurse, Malia. Malia Mostly worked the Night Shift, She too over watch over the Patients like a hawk. “Please make sure none of my interns on the night Shift, Either A, Die, or B, Kill someone.” Blake said.

Malia Chuckled, “Shepherd Do not worry, I’ve got this.” She said, Blake Continued Signing herself out, She Rubbed her eyes Tiredly. “I hope your not Driving your Self home.” Malia Pointed out. Blake Snorted, “Oh hell no, Stephen’s not as Tired as I am so he will be Driving us Home.” Blake Replied.

Malia Smiled Sneakily, “You and Stephen Huh? I never would have Thought you two.” She Snorted, as Blake handed back the Clipboard, She Smacked Malia’s arm. “Shut up, it’s only been 3 weeks since we went Public with it, well More Like one of my Stupid Interns walked in on us and announced it to the whole Hospital.” She replied.

Malia Laughed, “Well Girlie, here comes your man.” She said, Blake Turned as Stephen Carried Her Coat that she had Left in her Office, helping her into it. “So caring.” Malia Playfully Cooed. Stephen Laughed as Blake Shushed her. Blake Pushed her Keys into Stephen’s chest, “Your Driving. I’d rather not Crash my Car from Exhaustion.”

“Of Course.” Stephen Replied, giving Blake a little Peck on her Lips. They left arm in arm as Malia Prepared to get ready for the Night Shift.

Blake was so happy to have Stephen In her Life, Especially when they had very Demanding Jobs, They were careful knowing that if one of them got Injured there was a Strict rule about working on family or loved ones, if you were too Personally Involved you were not going in that Trauma or OR Room.

But nothing could Prepare the couple for the Storm of Emotions and bad things coming there Way.

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