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anxiously-going · 2 years

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Is it too early to start the day over again?

#screaming into the void #i had just finished making my coffee #was ready to pick up that lovely hug in a mug and get started with the day #and there was bloody gnat in it #i thought it was a coffee ground #i pulled it out with mt finger #IT WAS NOT #so now i want to never use that mug again cause its Dirty™️ and cut of the tip of my finger because it is also Dirty™️#is this an ocd type thing? is it just a phobia?#probably both with my luck #i could ask my therapist today but i have a feeling what im going to talk about is a pattern ive noticed in trauma related dreams #which none of us are looking forward to and someone at some point has tried to get me to cancel the appointment #i dont even know what to do with that #ill tell you this much i have neither the time nor the wherewithal to pick a fight with the corruption today

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blazingjackdaw · 1 year

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"Using the dark, aromatic depths of coffee to conceal the poison… Classy lady!" ☕

I miss the coffee man..

#ace attorney #diego armando #godot #ace attorney godot #dahlia hawthorne #blaze draws #blood tw #just in case #this was going to be a much more complicated nouveau style piece but I couldn't make it work the way I envisioned it #I kind of like it even if it's not what I had originally planned #I owed my favourite coffee guy to at least take a stab at finishing it

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milkweedman · 6 months

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Needed something to do last night bc I couldn't sleep, and spinning takes about a million times less brain power than knitting or crochet, so now I'm working on this.

Its from a 2.8 ounce batt that I had labeled southdown Romney blend, and I'm 99% sure that what I was told it was when I bought it (I remember thinking how much I love a good southdown blend), but when I finally unrolled the batt last night it had a label that said Suffolk hampshire blend. I think that's what this is--it feels 100% down breed rather than a down and strong wool blend. Honestly I probably still would have bought it as a hampshire blend, so I don't mind that much.

No clue what to do with it. It's not soft but the prep wouldn't do for socks, which is my usual idea for coarse down wool. It's also got a much darker section that I've been trying to decide how to feature (if it's worth doing at all).

#Supported spindle #Supported spinning #Hampshire #Suffolk #Super bad painsomnia last night n then it's finally morning #And as soon as my mom (she's visiting) got up she wanted us both to do chores #And I by the time I finished that and was sitting down with my coffee I was very relieved and in tons of pain #And then proceeded to spill my coffee all over the armchair I was sitting in and had to spend another hour #Cleaning it up. By which point I was in too much pain to speak and just wanted to go lay down in bed where I might stop making messes #And then having to clean them up. And thankfully that has been the case. Am pretty much done with the ability to do anything else today #So I am just gonna try and spin and not make anything worse #I probably would prefer something rly colorful to spin today but I don't have anything prepped already... and that would be too much effort #So gray down batt it is

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scoliosisgoblin · 3 months

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doodles and some lore. I'm tired.

#Jay does this thing on second dates where he tests the other person #he wants to make sure they'd like all of him. every part of him that may throw others off or realize he's insane #Matt and Jay were friends during high school. dated in college and broke up just before finding out Jay was pregnant #they decided to co-parent Mona and just view one another as friends #Mona really likes Don and Tk. loves Peter. though dislikes Lucy quite a bit because of how much she hears Jay complain about her with Matt #Mona is very close with Jay despite living with Matt and only coming over to Jay during the holidays/some weekends #Jay moved into the complex about a year prior to meeting Peter. he's had 5 roommates since moving in #Lucy has been the worst compared to the rest but is the only one Jay tolerates (since she's young and reminds him of himself. pretransition #Jay and Don hated each other in the beginning. only really bonded over talking shit about a neighbor #and Jay saying “anyway I gotta finish watching the game.” Don saying how he wanted to too but his tv is fucked so they watch together #Tk does have feelings for Jay but Jay just can't take the hint. he simply just thinks he's making jokes and is very kind #Jay really cares about Lucy. he often checks up on her when she's out and buys her dinner if he didn't make anything for them #and she ofc tries to make his life easier by cleaning the apartment making him coffee in the mornings etc etc #also Jay and Don sometimes just talk about marriage. how both of theirs didn't work out (I headcanon that for Don)#how it'd go - Don: I just wish I showed her how much I cared... Jay: I chased mine down with a knife. didn't kill her though. I promise.#Jay also calls Don's kid (the cop) Don Jr. he doesn't mind it that much. it's mainly cause Jay never remembers his name #my art #yb peter #Yb don #Void #Jay #Yb tk #Yb lucy #none of them die btw. Peter kills some guy who treated Jay poorly #the entirety of Jay and Peter's relationship before the abduction takes place over June #I say so cause it was a bit alarming to Tk. Don and Matt how fast Jay was rushing into the relationship and such #anyway uhh idk what else to say

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daimonios · 10 months

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hello. kitchen moment

#i just finished unpacking and putting stuff away in the kitchen #im sooo excited about my espresso machine :3 it was a graduation gift from my parents #i already had a huge coffee today but im considering making something else…#i still need to get a microwave and/or toaster… i def wont be able to keep them set up all the time just cuz of counter space but meh #personal

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bunnihearted · 3 months

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🤧🐀🌧️🌊

#need to clear my head;#im in such a bad mood. my face is in a perpetual angry state. im just so so bitter nd pessimistic rn #trying not to get stuck in negative chaos thought spirals nd to just take it as it come #nd be patient bc recovery takes time i know. but i havent been able to feel healthy or functional for 7 months nd i am so tired #i cant help but worry abt my health nd what kinda diet i can have nd how to work all of that out.#like the removal of the gallbladder dont ensure a good digestive system. they remove it bc it can irrepairably hurt u #also im so so stressed out abt school nd my courses. i already had to drop one last week. nd it isnt looking like i'll be able to pass my #eng class.. it just isnt looking like it's realistic at all :/ i personally dont mind if i fail. but i can get issues w my wellfare hmm #bc like im still feeling rough nd u only get sick leave for one week after surgery.. so i have to go on thursday nd friday but im gnna #be in pain plus be so hungry nd be unable to concentrate idk #idk idk!! im already willing to take out loans to finish my upper secondary school.. but i have to make it work w timing nd stuff so im not #sitting here unable to pay rent or the bills or food lmao. so idk have to fix it somehow #nd the pressure of this country rapidly declining state is stressing me tf out!! having nazi conservative rightists in the ruling is just #dreadful!!!! for many reasons but atm idek if i can do distance classes like i wanted to ://#i just.. wanna be able to go for my long walks. go to the gym. eat normally. have coffee. study nd finish highschool.#then apply for whatever program i can nd move to another calmer city. prob eventually find a path to move to another country. like norway..#im thinking too much but my thoughts are spinning nd killing me like i cant stop it im so scared nd anxious lmao 💀#im also trying to be brave and write to the psych clinic for personality disorders nd be upset nd 'beg' them for help ksksksks.#but like... the thing abt having avpd is that i kinda dont wanna bc im scared of the possibility of them helping me lol #im just in a low place nd bad headspace and it's just getring worse nd im getting more nd more tired #i dont have much more energy to keep it together nd pretend like im ok or like i have hope lmaoooo idk what to do #anyway... idk idk guess i just gotta .. keep crawling forward anyway i can

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wingsofhcpe · 4 months

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pros of watching bly manor: beautifully written story, sapphic action, made me Feel Things

cons of watching bly manor: I am now filled with terrible anxiety and fear over losing those i love most (more of that fear/andiety than usual, anyway)

#i. haha. im Not okay right now. especially not bc my mother is travelling in a few days for her work and it just. scares me so much #along with a nightmare i had yesterday. but then again i have nightmares like that almost literally every night.#guess it just doesn't help i finished this show today of all days. also ive been drinking a bit of coffee to get through exam season & that-#-makes anxiety and jitters worse so #the haunting of bly manor #gotta say tho. watching this show would have helped IMMENSELY if I'd watched it when my grandpa was in the hospital & after he passed #dealing with loss and grief and all that.#mike flannagan really has a way with it ig

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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year

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feeling sick constantly in the background all the time is like.. usually negligible-ish.. until multiple various chronic background issues all happen to overlap at once and then it’s like

#Like usually I cycle between like. joint pain issues. chest muscle injury stuff. back pain. stomach problems. headaches. etc.#There is never a day that I feel totally normal for the most part. but it's usually just little things here and there on and off #chronic things that seem to flare up sometimes. But then every once in a while it's like the flare ups align and I'll have 6 of the problems #at the same time and then is AaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #For some reason it's okay to deal with one or two of these things at any given time. but if I have to deal with like 3+ at once #or two of the old ones plus one NEW thing I've never had before or etc. etc.#I just can't even do anything. I run around stressed out of my mind unable to focus on any tasks or do anything but feel bad #then I cant even play games or do fun stuff becuause my brain wont let me be distracted from fixating on the fact that I feel bad #It's kind of the same way that it's stressful for me to go into grocery stores because my brain LITERALLY just is not capable of tuning out #all of the noises and lights and sensory information - so it' gets overwhelming quickly. I also just literally cannot tune out sensory infor #mation from my body. so if something feels even a LITTLE weird or a LITTLE painful or is even slightly different than usual #especially if it's overlapping with multiple other 'low level chronic pain' type things then my brain is just like.. being given way too muc #h information that it still cant tune out and then I can't focus and just walk around in a daze for however long until one of the issues #goes away on it's own (like joint pain flare ups usually come and go etc. etc.). or until I see a doctor abut whatever the new thing is #and maybe something they do or say actually helps or etc. etc.#Idk I have SO SO much I want to do the beginning of the year and so many projects to finish and things to post and schedules I have #written out for me to get on (like excercising more consistently and etc.) and it's just furstrating for my brain to just be like #ah.. nope.. we are not doing that. instead we are going to be completely incapacitated by a host of physical issues #which I think most ''normal people'' would just ignore like ''oh yeah I'll just load myself up on ibuprophen and coffee and energy #drinks and advil and sleep supplements and this and that'' or whatever but I can't do that it just makes stuff worse. I have to just sit for #days having a mind battle like 'okay yes we're having these problems.. but we can still like.. do SOMETHING right? we could like.. write #or draw. or things that don't take much energy'' and brain is just like NO!!! WE CANT!!! BECAUSE!! THING IS WEIRD!!!' and it's like okay #but thing is going to be weird. there's nothing we can do about thing being weird right now. so we should just focus on something else #'NO!! CANNOT TUNE OUT THING BEING WEIRD!! lets just fixate on it instead and wander aimlessly from thing to thing never able #to fully focus on any other task. hee hee''. anyway. hhghh.. sometimes I just get tired of having Various Ailments at any given time #especially unexplained ones or weird recurring problems that doctors haven't done much about because then it lends to paranoia like #'what if something is seriously wrong but I just dont know it yet?' which could be the case. I mean hopefully not. but I just hate stuff #being unexplained. because if there's no clear answer then the answer could be anything. even somehting bad. *** :V #ANYWAY gghhb... just bothered at the moment. I was going to come here like 'hey maybe I could post some drafts or pictures or something that #could feel productive!' but.. i dont feel like it. i dont care. too focused on Bad Feeling. just going to complain instead lol

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bibleofficial · 2 months

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my stomach hurts so bad i’m literally dying

#stream #maybe it’s bc i’ve had 2 tunnocks biscuits & 4 clementines then washing it down w 4 cups of coffee ALSLAKSALKSLSKSLASKLAKSA #like 😭😭😭😭#i’m Suffering #i need to do this paper that’s due thursday 😭😭😭#still haven’t started & im a bit fucked i think bc tomorrow is Therapy Day & that’s 😭😭😭😭😭#very much Needed but then i’m going to a meeting w mr ohio to talk to a professor then i need to come back & actually do the paper / finish #the paper bc tonight i’m going to JUST do preliminary reading & maybe get quotes #i think that’ll be good enough for tonight then tomorrow we can get the quotes on a doc & then build up some arguments & then make a rough #framework & then i can expand wednesday before turning in after polishin on thursday #that’s my plan ok swag #but also i need to cook do laundry & do dishes & clean my bathroom today #but it’s only 7.30 now so i’ve got TIME i can DO IT #but i need to be in bed by 1/.5a bc i need to be out of the house by 8.10 #i’m grossly overestimating my ability to get shit done #like i’ll do dishes & laundry & cook & that’s probably it #i didn’t do dishes laundry nor cook & i also didn’t start the paper lol #ain’t clean the bathroom neither

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keeps-ache · 11 months

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was supposed to go to bed at 12, had coffee for the second time of my life, realized my mistake, oops went to sleep at 2 a.m.

#just me hi #i am not immune to the effects of the nasty go-go juice #it's So gross though like i put in SO much creamer n condensed milk and i still got the coffee taste stuck in my mouth :/#and it was a tiny bowl dude‚ like.. four quarters in width. yes i'm american #//did this cat just gag next to me rn. hey ??#nvm he's good fvhfhhsbd just making noises #//but yea it was still darker than the other one i had too so maybe that's the problem #had some when i was- i think about twelve? and it was pretty much suger milk hhvhfvb with like a teaspoon and a half of coffee. it was #pretty okay though 👍#//yeah i put in like nearly a tablespoon of creamer #and i think a teaspoon of condensed milk. normal proportions :)#sister thought it was good! brother said i had problems. some people can't appreciate art. loll #//ANYWAY i forgot to say that beCaUSE of the go-go juice i actually finished a fourth ref last night hvhfsb #like i just need to put some highlights and we're good. we're done. hvhfhhhhh #very cool‚ very epic :>>#just one more and i will be taking a break lol :)

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tvrningout · 4 months

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don't perceive me too well bc i fear i'm sleep-deprived and trying to boot up my brain, but i'm once again asking: are interest checkers helpful? as my muse list keeps on growing, i keep on wondering what ways i can make it easier for people to interact bc i know if i struggle to decide on what muse to use at times, then some of y'all must struggle to choose a muse, too.

gonna be honest -- my memory's horrible, especially with things that are out of sight and out of mind, but at the very least, an interest checker is a low-pressure way to get us both on the same page. i just probably won't promise starters/asks for completing it this time around bc there's gonna be times when i forget to check it for ages :' ) and the interest checker will not be a requirement for interactions if i make it! it's simply gonna be a tool for y'all to use.

#i also really really need to edit my muse list again to drop some of my dorks #some of them i hate to drop but at the same time? i hardly touch them bc my focus is heavily on my primary muses #and my kny muses are so so quiet save for my oc's bc i can always wake them up -- including kaigaku bc lad's practically my oc atp #don't wanna drop my canons but i also know my heart's just not in it with them rn which is no one's fault really #interests come and go which is why i've moved away from fandom muses and towards fandomless with fandom verses #i still have such fondness for kny -- i had a great time in the rpc! but i'm realizing in general that i really prefer being in #an rpc with people who also write oc's/multimuses bc i feel more at ease honestly #anyway i'm letting this get away from me and rambling asdfg nothing new ofc :' )#might make a poll later about the interest checker bc it sometimes seems like people are more comfy with voting #for now i'm gonna finish my coffee and try to will myself to get ready for work uvu #get ready to ramble | ooc

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maximus-gluteus · 10 months

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nothing to see here

#ok plz i wanna rant about how the new season of good omens is making me lose faith in humanity #girl tell me how ive trudged through 4 episodes of this season and i still dont know what the damn hell is going onnnnnn #every time i think we're getting somewhere with the 'story' the show slams the brakes to let me know that there're gay people on screen #does the coffee shop chick ever apologize to the record store chick bc i cant staaaand their romance.#like record store lady. girl. this isnt banter shes just straight up dissing your passion and life's work.#im scared to finish the season bc i just KNOW theyre gonna pull the whole 'i made u leave ur toxic partner now date me immediately' trope #ok so story beats aside my other gripe is how contrived the queer representation is in this show #i am a bi woman! my reaction to seeing wlw on screen should be 'yay! im happy theyre together' and not 'ugh this shit again?'#and also with az and crowley! what happened to their chemistry from the first season???#like on the one hand the whole 'bickering like an old married couple' schtick is lovely. but. theyre just faffing about most of the time!#remember the first season? when these characters had agency? and a semblance of intuition?#i am convinced that the majority of the characters in this season couldnt find their way out of a paper bag #i get theres a whole memory loss plot device thing happening. but it feels like Gabriel's cluelessness is like fucking infectious or smthn #i feel like an idiot for assuming that the characters i knew from the first season will be just as competent in this season. they arent!#i hated the whole 'continued' story in the wwii era. i feel like it was a pathetic ploy at giving mark gatiss more needless screentime #did they think people would find the nazi zombies amusing or something? why are we playing this off as a joke?#just admit you dont know what to do with the story and move onnnnnnnn #im gonna finish the season bc i feel like im owed the scene of david tennant sucking face with michael sheen.#itll be like reparations for having to slough through the rest of this nothing burger of a story jesuuuuuussss #ok rant over #good omens critical

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woolydemon · 2 years

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having mutuals that are into warriorcat books means I see discourse posts like "berrywhisker was MEAN and said a slur and killed bunnytoes and if u like them ur a misogynist" and I'm like "uh-huh yeah uh-huh. Ok. My cat would do that too"

#as a cat owner it makes me incapable if taking those books as seriously bc i just think #''bro theyre cats i know theyre too stupid to make this work''#but maybe my cats are just rlly dumb specifically #ironically my mom is the one thats into warri0rs #bc she decided to read the ones i had #(i never finished bc i tried to read them when i was really really fixated on pjo #so it was a fail bc i just went right back to the teenz after i read 1 singular warri0rs book)#and she got genuinely invested in the books #one time i asked her abt a controversial character (i csnt remember who i think it's squirrel something)#i kept seeing shit abt just to see what she would say #i am not posting her take bc like what if ppl start doxxing my mom or smth #she still has the books in her room #actually fun detail the first book with the orange cat she just found lying around at a Starbucks and grabbed it for me #and it smelled like coffee so it was enjoyable to read #but then the second book didnt smell like coffee and didnt have the greek myth teenz i was obsessed with so i didnt want to read it #anyway i have almost wanted to share warri0rs animations with her but i am not strong enough. also i dont think she would give a shit #rando thoughtz

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emptysekai · 1 year

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i love when random strangers yell at me for something that i didn't do. working in the city is great

#🥮#txt #this woman yelled at me because her dog was pulling on the lead to smell me #and i'm guessing she thought i was patting her dog but i was just standing there and saying hi. since her dog was already sniffing me #and not touching her dog #i also couldn't go anywhere else because it was a single aisle in a seven eleven and my hands were full so i was literally stuck between #an aisle to let people pass by and this woman and her dog blocking the only other aisle #it shouldn't matter because people will be mean for no reason and she did apologise to me after she looked back when she finished paying #and saw i did not touch her dog or like #try to make her excited #it's just so.#work 9 hours a day for 6 days a week for a month to have people you don't even know yell at you in a seven eleven when you are getting #coffee and for something you had no control over

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arcadian-vampire · 10 months

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I'm trying a new med for gastroparesis (despite still not being diagnosed with gastroparesis lmao) and??? I think it worked????? I was able to drink a little coffee a while ago, and usually by now I'd be like 'ouch yikes I feel terrible', but I'm. fine. I feel like I didn't even drink anything

I hope it does work and I'll be able to eat things again... It's gonna be really hard to not go wild and eat myself sick, bc I miss food tastes So Fucking Bad dude. I missed out on my mother's biscuits and gravy! Like do u know how hard that is!!!! She makes the BEST biscuits and gravy EVER

#pikaposts #medical anomaly blogging #i also want angel food cake (the last straw that made me realize i was completely unable to eat food anymore) again.#it's my favorite dessert and i was only able to have it ONCE!! my mother had to finish the rest!!!!#i think that's the one where i was sick for like four days and ended up going to the er again #so i wanna have it and Not have go to the er. i wanna enjoy it #i ALSO want a milkshake and french fries. and my mom's fajitas. with tons of bell peppers #she recently made fajitas and six bell peppers. and my brothers just ate all the peppers. she had to make more so they'd actually finish #eating the meat too. she ended up doing like ten fucking peppers and keep in mind i did not eat any! my brothers just went wild w it!#entirely valid of them though. i should share the recipe bc it's soo so good #by far the greatest way to enjoy the greatest veggie #oh but if my brother is cutting back on the variety of food he's eating to see if it's an allergic reaction somewhere that's been making him #sick. i'll respect that and not have mom make tons of dishes. i can wait until we figure out what's up w him #...does ansehelm even use he/him actually. rip #times i wish tags were editable on mobile #ANYWAY this got very long and rambly bc i'm excited #i had COFFEE. yippeee 🥳🎉🦑

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pizzapizzadickz · 1 year

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.

#diary #personal #im swinging between being close to a shut or close to a meltdown.#i need to take care of the bunny. but i sorta suspect i might just like. break as soon as im in the house.#but i need to do my duities so im hoping i can keep it together enogh that im not sobbing as i do so #im close to catching up with the releases of a webnovel. and rn its the only thing to comfort me.#however. if i finish im not really sure if ill be okay if i do? like. i cant handle anything more going wrong.#and rn thats something thatd be wrong.#i had to throw out yummy coffee bc im taking the bus. and that sorta was the last straw #ive only eaten a muffin today. i just. didnt have time to make food.

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