#however. if i finish im not really sure if ill be okay if i do? like. i cant handle anything more going wrong.

[pizzapizzadickz]

.

[inferencesarchives]

Hello! Could you do Pure Vanilla Cookie x Fem! Ancient reader, whose kingdom is like a spiritual kingdom and The Reader Is just very stressed?? Like, very little time to eat, sleep, ect. How could PV maybe comfort her?? Have a nice day!!

`•- Time for Yourself

pure vanilla cookie x fem reader

summary: pure vanilla notices you haven't been acting like yourself lately. how does he help you feel better?

warnings: physical touch, pure vanilla is kind of a worry wart, also im not super proud of the writing on this one so im sorry if it's not as good as my other stuff :((

a/n: is it bad that when i went to the store today and saw pure vanilla extract on the shelf i thought of pure vanilla cookie

Pure Vanilla Cookie has noticed the lack of letters you've been sending him recently.

Of course, he knows that ruling a kingdom is no simple ordeal, and, of course, there's no way you would be able to send him a letter every day. However, despite that, you've always made sure to send him letters frequently and inform him of every nifty little thing going on in your life.

That is, up until roughly three and a half weeks ago.

You used to send him letters every four or five days to keep him updated on everything going on in your kingdom, and he always wrote back when he received your letters. However, when he responded to a letter you sent about three and a half weeks ago, you hadn't written anything back to him.

He found this behavior very strange, as you were always enthusiastic about being able to talk with him whenever you got the chance. Pure Vanilla Cookie was, frankly, getting rather worried about you and how you were doing. So, he decided to take a trip over to your kingdom to see for himself what was wrong.

When he finally arrived, Pure Vanilla Cookie was quick to stride towards your castle, making haste towards your office, where you spent most of your time. Gently knocking on the door, he quietly entered the room, as to not disturb you too much. He immediately notices your eyebags, the empty coffee mugs littered around your desk, and the way you don't even glance at him when he enters the room, thinking it was just some servant needing to ask a quick question or something of the like. Needless to say, when he spoke up, you immediately turned and stared at him in surprise.

"My Dear, has everything been okay lately?" He gently asks. "Ah! Pure Vanilla Cookie? What are you doing here?" You respond, shocked. You had no idea he was coming, you had no time to prepare, you didn't want him to see you like this.

"Are you alright?" He slowly walks toward you before draping his cloak over your shoulders, "You haven't responded to my letter for weeks, and you look awfully tired. How long have you been sitting here working today?" He looks at you with worry swirling in his eyes.

As you sit there failing to answer his question, he gently places a hand on your head and caresses your hair, sighing, "You need to remember to take care of yourself, you know. You can hardly handle this much work in the state that you're in. Why don't you rest for a bit?"

You look at him with tired eyes, attempting to provide a counter-argument, "I know, I know, but-" "No buts. You're going to go lay in bed and read a nice book to help you de-stress. I'll also fetch you some tea. Then, perhaps you can take a nap. You'll feel a lot better when you wake up," He suddenly picked you up, carrying you back to your bedroom before you can even say anything. Perhaps he was right though, as you were indeed doing a lot better the next morning. Perhaps self-care really is important after all.

a/n: not me writing a fic about self-care at 2 am when i haven't slept and i am in fact not taking care of myself lmao uhhhhhh i promise ill get some sleep once i finish up the rest of the requests i swear i pinky promise i swear

thanks for reading, and remember to take care of yourself! don't be like me lmao

[vxiphoid]

✦ HOME SWEET HOME(MATES)

❨ leona as your roommate ❩ basically roommates to lovers, i am dying for this trope holy shit. kinda ooc leona (im not sure but ill put this here anyways.), some cursing, mention of marriage like once, other than that really fluffy.

2k+ words

MOVING IN, WELCOME HOME, LEONA !!

MONTH I

when he first moved in, you were expecting some imperious, egotistical, loud-mouthed prince and well, the imperious part wasn’t exactly wrong. you barely even see the dude and when you do, he’s on the couch, slumped. half of the time you forget you even have a roommate. hell, the dude barely even talks to you. the first time you actually talk to him, after a month of living with each other, is when he placed an assload of dishes in the sink after you had respectfully washed them on his week.

that’s how you found yourself practically hip to hip with a prince, elbows deep in soapy water, hands brushing occasionally. he refused to wash the dishes he had purposely dropped in the sink while you were finishing the last dish. how long was he hoarding these in his room? you didn’t know but you made a deal with him. you help him wash the dishes but he has to finish the rest of his week, simple enough since it is his responsibility. hell, when you saw the tower he placed in the kitchen you damn near tore his ear off dragging him back to his mess. what were you, his mother? maybe he just needed some house training, assuming he lived in some mansion with an unimaginable amount of maids.

leona’s chest rumbled and his ear flicked with discomfort, his lip twitching upward into a grimace. sparing him a glance, you bumped his hip with yours. “lighten up, its not that bad.”

“i think i just touched peanut butter. wet peanut butter.”

your stomach tightened and you instinctively pursed your lips to prevent the laughter bubbling in your throat. okay, maybe it was that bad. his tail flicked your leg in annoyance. he has to give you some credit, some. washing dishes wasn’t the most pleasing thing however he had to admit, you weren’t that bad of company. now he was the one stealing glances at you, emerald eyes roving across the expanse of your figure before finally settling on your face. easy on the eyes. he returned his gaze to his hands that were violently scrubbing a dish.

he even returned your gentle hip bump.

ITS LATE, TALK TO ME

MONTH II

he’s actually been in your room a few times, mostly when you’re out, so he can steal that comfy ass bed of yours. though tonight, its clearly different when the lion comes stumbling into your room and plops down on your bed. its weird, at first, but you slowly slid beside him and stared at the ceiling together. it wasn’t until you made some comment that started the late night, half-asleep talking.

“oh! that one dude,” you snap your fingers for remembrance, “ruggie, was it? does he actually eat dandelions?”

the vibes that radiated through your room is therapeutic. mood lighting, a person to talk to, and a dedicated playlist for this occasion. leona’s voice is rather calming with the slight hint of drowsiness, someone you would definitely pay to have a story read to you. he’s told you more about night raven; his acquaintances, not friends, what he’s studied. the college sounded like a lively place, unlike the boring shared apartment route. though, it is a little less boring now.

leona hums, your question quickly answered with acknowledgment. “yeah. he’s weird like that but he’s alive, thats really all i care about.” he says. his voice is soft and slightly deeper than what you’re used to hearing. it makes something in your chest constrict and tighten at the same time.

“he eats pumpkin seeds, don’t he?” you deadpan.

leona lets out a noise that sounded extremely similar to a laugh to which he, badly, attempted to cover up with a cough. you practically spring up, “are you.. laughing? did i just make you laugh? the leona kingscholar?” “nuh-uh.” the more you continued to shower him with this teasing, the harder it got to actually compose his grin, he’s already turned away from you. the look of pure mirth on his face is enough for you to forget what stress you ever had. in a weird way, you feel kind of privileged knowing that you were able to make him smile. you’d take this over any other day, perhaps you liked your new roommate.

OH LOOK, A CAFE !!

MONTH III

leona was actually contempt to take a small detour from your walk together, he really didn’t care where went. all he knows is that he needs a nap. you were actually looking for somewhere nice to sit down to help leona with his studies, the cafe down the street sounded like a decent date. study date. no one told him there were cats in there!

“how is it?” you ask smugly.

leona looks up from the table, a half glare shot at you as he sucks cupcake frosting from the pad of his thumb. he releases his thumb with a wet pop and a once over at his lips, “i like it as much as much as you like stealing my clothes.” then he pushed the cupcake into his mouth, his eyes flicking to his button up around your body.

you intertwine your fingers, resting your chin upon your hands. “it was in my dirty clothes basket, i washed it, therefore it is mine.” you quip back playfully, taking a sip out of your latte.

“it literally has my name sewn onto the back.” he counters.

“yeah, with the smoothest fucking silk i’ve ever felt!” he shrugged as to say no big deal but you knew he secretly liked it from the way he kept eyeing it, just not enough to admit vocally. you’re the only person he could tolerate wearing his clothes, so sue him for not being able to wear anything else in your house for some days until they got clean. “think about it; if you marry me, we’d share the same last name, eh? eeeh?” you wiggle your eyebrows at him.

he huffs, a playful smile gracing his features. “oh, you would just love that, wouldn’t you? have a little field day?” he raises an eyebrow as he takes another bite of cake, his voice full of mock amusement.

a brown cat hopped onto the table, your little corner now surrounded by the cute animals. almost all of them taking complete interest in your dear prince. rubbing their warm bodies against him as if they had been waiting their whole life for him to show up. one by one, they hop onto him, sniffing at his neck as if he were their food and he sat stiffly. you on the other hand indulged your one kitten with satisfying scratches under its chin, staring in pure adoration as a cat rubbed its face against leona’s cheek. you had to take a few pictures, it was a must have in your camera roll.

“papa cat with his litter of kittens.” you cooed softly as you snap another picture.

leona’s ear flicked in irritation, “cheka is enough.”

ITS SPA DAY !

MONTH IV

leona was already suspicious when you willingly lead him to your room, even more when you pat your lap. what is he, some cat? still laid down though, a win is a win. its crazy how comfortable he’s gotten with you. so comfortable, he’s letting you card your heavenly hands through his thick mane to pin it back for whatever substance you’re going to rub onto his face.

leona’s right eye spontaneously closed as you neared his face with a dropper, the glass tube smeared its cool continents on his cheek. “what’s this one? part ninety-nine of glass skin treatment?”

lord knows he doesn’t need it, he already has glass skin, it was just an excuse to poke n prod his squishy cheeks. you didn’t bother do answer, instead rolling your eyes and rubbing the serum onto his skin. its been what, twenty minutes? leona hasn’t fallen asleep, mostly because he’s staring at you. the dim lighting made your skin glow, made you glow. in the dark, you were a star that would have burned down by now if not for a miracle or magic spell, was he that spell? like an angel or an extraterrestrial. your stare was hypnotic. your stare made him forget everything around him, your gaze made him lose his footing. he felt himself moving forward and backward at the same time, the air between you became charged.

“you have a weird taste in roommates, herbivore.”

your hands pause at the curve of his neck, then move up to run through his thick hair. your touch made his skin flush, his breath hitch at a low frequency. you grin, “mm, yeah? is that right?”

his eyelids flutter at the feel of your thumbs rubbing over his temples, “you’re doing the thing again.” he breathes out. you chuckle, “the thing? the temple rubbing thing?” “your little thing, the smile and that voice thing.”

“ohh…” you roll your tongue against the roof of your mouth before smiling wider, “should i stop?”

he doesn’t respond right away, the moment stretches into minutes. he’s fading in and out of dreamland and wanting to stay awake for more of your touch. “jus’ a bit longer.”

RAINY DAY IN, MOVIE NIGHT ?

MONTH V

you two actually had plans to go to out but when opened the door for you just for it to be absolutely pouring outside, he settled for a movie. you got all the blankets while leona got all the snacks. what movie you both were watching? he doesn’t know, you make a phenomenal pillow though.

the tv was basically just murmuring, your vision unfocused as your hand absently played with leona’s hair. you knew that once he lied down, he was going to fall asleep. his whole weight flush against your body and cheek smooched into your chest, his tail swishing slowly showing he was awake in some way. you shift your head to look at him, catching a whiff of sweetness from his hair. some sadness settled in the pit of your gut. leona wasn’t always going to be here, he had to return to his studies and his royalty business. you couldn’t keep him even if you tried.

“did you fall asleep or are you upset, herbivore?”

his voice startled you out of your revere, you hummed in response, his words not quite processing correctly.

“your heartbeat slowed and you stopped playing with my hair.” he said as if it was the most obvious thing ever. you hadn’t even noticed you stopped stroking his head. you turn his head to hold his face in your hands, his eyes droopy from sleep. those eyes doing the unimaginable to your heartstrings. “you gotta to go back, don’t you?”

leona gives you a slow blink, his hand resting over yours. “‘course i do.” he yawns.

it was a really selfish thought, wanting to keep him forever. if you had the chance you would carry him in your pocket at all times.

“here,” leona removes his hand from yours, taking something from his pocket and holding it up for you to see. its a ring, its silver color catching the light from the tv. on his ring finger was a slightly bigger one, matching pairs. “its a promise ring.” he takes your hand from his face to slide it onto you but you pull your hand away. he’s confused at your reaction, looking at you like you’ve grown an extra head. your eyes are glossed over, tears forming. something was screaming that it was too early, that he was moving too fast. then your lips lifted into a grin, you laugh but they come out shaky. “its a promise ring, you gotta make a promise, leo.”

“you’re so sappy.” he frowns albeit the blanket of relief blanketing over his heart. he takes your hand once more, securely this time. “i promise to come back.” he places a kiss to the pad of your ring finger before sliding the silver band onto it, returning your hand to his cheek and pressing a firmer kiss to your palm. you watch the silver bleed into a rose color, a soft vibration in your finger when leona’s changed as well. you smile widely, tears streaming down your face. emotions flew and popped like fireworks throughout your body, uncontainable, freed. you laugh as he leans his forehead onto yours, wiping your tears with his thumb and letting out a few purrs of content.

“you’re really happy, huh? so happy you’re shedding tears for me?” “mmhmm, shut up. lemme enjoy this, enjoy you. please?” “as you wish.”

LAST, BUT NOT FINAL, GOODBYES

MONTH IV

welp, its time to say goodbye. you had your ups and— well, mostly ups, you never fought with leona. by the time you had helped leona pack his stuff and belongings, it was past noon. he looked the least bit of interested and you were doing most of the moving. in his own way of saying he doesn’t want to leave, he lazes on the couch and sometimes tugs you down with him.

“you’re sure you have your toothbrush, your expensive hair products, everything?”

leona let out a pained groan from the couch, his ring finger buzzing. “herbivore, you’re stressing.” your eyes flicked to the band on his finger, the color fading to a wine red.

he held his arm out to you, to which you inhaled, held it, then let it out through your mouth when you were under the warmth of his arm. “i know… i just want to make sure you don’t forget anything, leo.” your voice was muffled as you breathed into his chest.

“if i forget anything important, id buy a new whatever it is. you’d want it more though, for when you’re missing your better other half.” leona nudged his chin into your head and you visibly relaxed against him. he let himself sink into the softness of your body, wrapping his arms around you, his fingers trailing up and down your back in a soothing pattern. a thrum shooting through both of your fingers signaling a color change in the rings.

…then the sound of buzzing from the coffee table.

leona curses, apologizing as he reached to get it. taking a glance at the screen he sighs, patting your hip. “that’s my ride.”

he had already shipped off his heavy luggage to night raven so the only thing left to do was wish him off. its not the last goodbye, you’d see him again. only through a screen and through texts before he has his next break and can see you again. you stood on your front porch, shifting your weight from leg to leg while you worried your lip. he eyes you, slowly opening his arms just for you to pounce on him. enclosing your limbs around his body as tightly as you could, your face pressed into his neck, your hands gripping the fabric of his jacket. he chuckles, giving you a reassuring squeeze. “you better come back.” you mutter.

leona sets you down, wiping any incoming tears from your eyes. “i promised, didn’t i?”

your lips curl up in a watery smile. he pulls away from you, making his way to the car waiting in the parking lot. you had this stupid little grin on your face when you noticed the happy whip in his tail from the interaction. halfway to his ride, leona stops, turning on his heel and sprinting back to you, yelling that he had forgotten something. you were already beginning to scold him but was quickly silenced by his lips. he kisses you sweetly and with enough passion to rival that of the sun, his hand gently cupping your cheek, thumb running across the skin there. you lean forward, melting into the kiss, and the two of you finally separate after what felt like an eternity. his eyes are glistening, a slight sheen over them betraying his emotional state, but you had no qualms about kissing him, even after the short months. it still makes you dizzy when you see the love radiating from his eyes.

“you got a partner in six months? are you fucking kidding me?!”

you peek over leona’s shoulder, a boy with short fluffy hair and blue eyes, big hyena ears from his messy hair yelling from the car window. just like leona described him, ruggie. your prince kisses under your eye, his demeanor quickly changing as he faced ruggie. “you have no game, that’s all. don’t blame me for being simply better.” leona states calmly.

only when the car pulled off did you notice your ring beaming gold, magic swirling beneath the thick material.

back to twst masterlist

[parrotbug]

"can you help me study?" ft. dazai, atsushi, ranpo, & fyodor

dazai

he would actually help you for awhile, he'd be good at schoolwork and would try to figure out what he doesn't already know

if he's really having trouble understanding something (which would rarely, if ever happen), he would still pretend to know what he's talking about to impress you even if he's bullshiting everything

he would flirt the whole time. he would barely even try to hide it

everyone would be looking at you two like 🤨 ehem

you're holding your pencil, working out a problem. dazai leans over and gently wraps his hand on top of yours to stop you writing

"you're so close, but you made a little mistake here. don't worry, i'll guide your hand for you..."

he'd do the thumb rub thing all the way too ♥️

he'd be quiet while you're working, but expect him to play with your hair, lean against you, and play footsie

he would walk you home afterwards if you were out

"call me when the results are out, you'll do so great~"

atsushi

he tries his best

he's honestly so flattered that you even asked him, and you can tell he really appreciates that you wanted his help

he'd be better at helping you with essays, practice flashcards, and memorizing things

all the work everyone pushes on to him paying off

would leave the cutest comments if he edits your essay

"hehe, i remember you telling me about this"

"you can delete this extra space :o"

"this looks really good, ____! :)"

he would be so sweet if you get upset 🥺♥️

"you're so smart, i'll make sure you do great, but let's take a break, um... here! ill show you a picture of the cutest cats i saw earlier...

once you get back to work, he'd walk you through everything veeery slowly, pausing like every 3 seconds to make sure you understand

after you finish, he'd treat you to a pastry and a fun drink :)

after he does, i'm begging you to pleaseee hug him. he would be so happy

ranpo

haha. hahaha

so ranpo is very smart, of course he's an obvious person to ask for help

however, he doesn't necessarily know how to explain how to do things to other people

"just do it! it's not that hard." 🫥

but once he figures out how to articulate his thought process, he'd be pretty good at explaining things

however. he would expect you to give him snacks in return

he would be so fun to slack off with. one minute you're actually working and the next you two are taking selfies and watching youtube

"you'll do fine, i'm helping you!"

*proceeds to play mobile games*

if he does actually help you and you get a good score/raise your grades, he would be so proud oml

just keep praising him about how smart he is and he will always help you study ♥️ or slack off

fyodor

he's always so busy, but would rearrange his schedule to help you

not that he would tell you that

"it's not like i like you 😑 im just not that busy today 😑" ← fyodor lying

he'd have a similar approach to dazai, but with a different execution

unlike dazai, if he doesn't understand something, he'd just say it's stupid and fake 🪦

background noise king, he'd always make sure you have what you need to focus

he would be quite patient with you

he would be skilled at simplifying complex topics so that you can understand them

it's the little things with him

if he sees you working hard and sniffling/shivering, he might wrap his coat around your shoulders 🥺

"you're doing so well. i'm proud of you, Умница."*

*Умница "oomnitsa": little clever one

my first time writing one of these, i hope it was okay! i had to write the whole thing twice because i accidentally deleted it all the first time 🫣 oops

hope you enjoyed! - li ♡

[left4deadstuck]

You bite your lower lip. You don't think being straight to the point with Karkat would be a good idea… Though you considered it heavily before ultimately choosing to go with an apology.

Okay… Here it comes.

Dave: hey. Dave: im… sorry Dave: im sorry man

Your voice is quiet. Maybe too quiet, making you think the other didn't hear you. So you look up to glance at the other.

Dave: genuinely i Dave: i didnt think wed see each other like

You don’t get the chance to finish before he raises his hand to cut you off.

Karkat: YOU KNOW IF I WANTED TO WATCH SOMEONE VOMIT THE FLIMSIEST APOLOGY KNOWN TO MAN, I'D GO OUTSIDE AND WATCH ONE OF THE INFECTED ASSHOLES OUT THERE THROW UP THEIR GUTS ONTO THE PAVEMENT. Karkat: AND IT WOULD STILL BE A BETTER "SORRY" THAN ANYTHING YOUR BATTER BRAINED SKULL COULD CONJURE UP RIGHT NOW. Karkat: SO SAVE US BOTH THE EMBARRASSMENT AND SHUT UP FOR GODSAKES

You scowl, back straightening. Goddamnit now you remember. Remember how much of a crabby jackass he is.

Dave: oh Dave: because sitting in the dark while silently death glaring at each other is productive Dave: cause we got all the time in the world to just kick back and do absolutely nothing but seethe at each other Dave: not like i was trying t

Karkat: TO DO WHAT EXACTLY? BE REMORSEFUL? BE ACTUALLY APOLOGETIC WITH NO ULTERIOR MOTIVE DESPITE KNOWING I CAN BE OF USE TO YOU? Karkat: DO YOU HONESTLY TAKE ME FOR SOME KIND OF FUCKING IDIOT?! Karkat: THAT I WOULD EVEN HUMOR THE IDEA THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY SORRY?!! Karkat: THAT I'LL JUST TOSS MY RESENTMENT AND FRUSTRATION OUT INTO THE ATMOSPHERE BECAUSE POOR OL' STRIDER IS JUST A PATHETIC LUMP OF BRUISES! Karkat: *FAT FUCKING CHANCE.* Karkat: YOU COULD BE FOLDED INTO THE MOST DISGUSTING AND AGONIZING EXAMPLE OF HUMAN ORIGAMI AND I'D STILL BE "SEETHING" Karkat: SO YEAH, *I’M SORRY* THAT I DECIDED NOT TO WASTE MY TIME AND ENERGY HEARING YOUR LOUSY ATTEMPT AT A HEART TO HEART

Dave: … Dave: sigh

Once upon a time Jade had asked you and your mutual group of friends to test out the latest version of her new project. A mental inventory system that had a very convoluted retrieval and sorting system. Luckily her team was quick to fix that after your group’s trials with it.

Jade never really told you exactly why, but you always speculated that some people on her team, or well, someone, didn’t really trust your legitimacy enough when signing your NDA. Maybe it shouldn’t have surprised you though, after all you have made a name for yourself with your bizarre level of spectacles you do for the sake of irony.

It did not thrill you to find out the next morning that you would now deal with the living embodiment of “stick up the ass” as your personal bodyguard for however long the trial had to last for. Despite your best efforts to get rid of the guy, you’ve quickly learned a few things about Mr. Vantas here. One of those things being that he is skeptical and stubborn to a fault.

Well, there it goes, your plans being haplessly thrown out the window! Poor sons of bitches didn’t even have a chance-

You hear a snap next to your ear

Karkat: JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU STOP MUMBLING TO YOURSELF FOR A SECOND AND PAY ATTENTION

Dave: what Dave: you have another drawn out monologue about how god awful i am? Dave: are you sure your throat can handle that shakespeare Dave: ya dont exactly have the voice for stage anymore with all that smoke Dave: but lets be real here Dave: its probably a good thing that you cant blow out anyone within a 10 ft radius of you eardrums anymore because you decided to make causal conversation

Karkat: YOU MOUTHY FUCKING PRICK- Karkat: CAN YOU DO THE WORLD Karkat: AND ME ESPECIALLY Karkat: A FUCKING FAVOR TO SHOVE WHATEVER BULLSHIT YOU HAVE IN YOUR WINDPIPE AND FUCKING LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I ACTUALLY WANT TO TELL YOU FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS

Dave: ok sir ill be on my best behavior for "five fucking seconds"

Karkat:THANK YOU, GODDAMN. Karkat: AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO JUST KICK YOUR USELESS ASSES OUT OF MY HOUSE, I DON’T THINK I’LL BE ABLE TO SURVIVE A FIGHT BETWEEN YOUR POTENTIALLY TRIGGER HAPPY HELLSPAWN. Karkat: AND ALTHOUGH I THINK IT’S WITHIN MY RIGHT TO FEEL THIS LEVEL OF BRIGHT HOT ANGER TOWARDS ALL OF YOU… Karkat: SIGHS … I

He looks up at the ceiling as if his next few words are the greatest offense that any higher power could have subjected him to utter.

Karkat: (GOD I MUST BE MORE SICK THAN I THOUGHT.) Karkat: I, FOR SOME REASON THAT SHOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE SEEING AS I HAVE DEALT WITH ENOUGH OF YOUR TOTAL TRASH FIRE OF A PREDICAMENT, BUT HERE I AM EVER THE GLUTTON FOR MORE SELF-INFLICTED MISERY

Dave: yeah yeah i get it Dave: im a dick get to the point

Karkat: I DON’T WANT YOU TO DIE, YOU COMPLETE JACKASS!

Karkat: AND I HATE THAT CAUSE THAT RISKS MY LIFE FOR SOMEONE I ABSOLUTELY DON'T OWE SHIT TO, BUT NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I TRY TO THINK OF A REASON TO JUSTIFY IT TO MYSELF I CAN’T. Karkat: I CAN'T LIVE EASY KNOWING THAT IF SOMEONE DIED, EVEN IF THAT SOMEONE IS FUCKING YOU...I Karkat: I DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN SURVIVORS GUILT YOU YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT

Dave: oh Dave: uh Dave:th Karkat: NO SHUT THE FUCK UP Karkat: FUCKING Karkat: NO!

Karkat: HAVING A SENSE OF COMPASSION STILL DOESN’T CHANGE THE FACT THAT IT’S EITHER I HELP OR I DIE. Karkat: DON’T TAKE THE FACT THAT I SOMEHOW STILL HAVE MY MORALS INTACT AS FLATTERY. Karkat: INSTEAD BURY THAT IDEA SO FAR IN THE WORTHLESS SLUDGE YOU CALL A THOUGHT PROCESS UNTIL IT ATOMIZES INTO NONEXISTEN-!

He must've worked himself up. You watch him as he moves out of your space to turn and hack up a cloud of smoke. Well, if this isn’t just the perfect time to digest the clusterfuck he has given you. While it is great that he is going to help you out, he’s doing it out of fear and as fuck up as it is, it’s an advantage you have over him.

Though is it a good idea to go along with that? That could risk him fucking you all over and abandoning all of you last minute. You could gain his trust, maybe offer him something that he might want, but even then what would you give him, you have no clue if you have anything to offer him, not to mention that again, he could still just ditch the plan when the opportunity shows up.

What are you going to do?

===> AUDIENCE

[myymi]

ohh if you can i would appreciate some tips!! honestly writers are so admirable we dont give yall enough credit🙏🙏🙏

well, for me to give you the absolute best tips i can to help out, i need to know what exactly you're struggling with when it comes to writing. there are about a million different tips i can give you for about a million different things and some of those tips will be completely useless to you

for now though, i'll give you the things that help me getting into a writing mood + general tips i give to new writers and if you still need further help you can explain what exactly you're struggling with and ill do my best to help out;

1) whatever you learned about formatting essays; forget it.

a common thing i see in new writers is they try to write it like an essay. which isn't a bad idea really, but it is restricting. your paragraphs don't have to be four or more sentences. they can only be one if you want. it's your story, format it however you want. you don't need to follow rules

2) listening to music

this is mostly for when you have that one specific scene in your head but have no idea what to do for the rest of the fic. listening to music and connecting the lyrics to the characters you're using is a great way to get your mind thinking. one song can give you several different ideas depending on how you interpret it

3) make sure you are in a good mood

personally, i cannot write to save my life if im upset or just generally having a bad day. i know some people can use creating as a way to cheer themselves up, but it just doesn't work out for me lol

4) if you don't need background noise, don't use it

it's pretty easy to get distracted when writing, especially when you have something new playing. if you do need background noise of some kind, i would advise playing instrumental music or that one movie/show that you've seen a thousand times and could quote in your sleep. keep your focus on your writing

5) brackets will be your best fucking friend when writing

one of the most important things about writing is keeping your flow going. if you find yourself writing sentence after sentence for a good while and then you suddenly hit a stop because you don't know how to word what happens next; throw it in brackets and write the scene after it. its the same reason why you're told to skip questions you get stuck on when taking a test. let your brain do what it knows it can and come back to the tricky stuff later.

6) you don't have to write anything in order

you don't have to write a story exactly start to finish. you can jump between any scene you'd like and find out how to connect it to a different scene another time. this kinda ties into the last tip in the sense that you gotta let your brain do what it knows. if you only know the beginning and the end then write those first and figure out the rest as you go. if you need to edit either one of the previous things then that's okay. there's no shame in changing things around, it's just how creating things go. sometimes change is needed

7) writing prompts

for new writers, i like to tell them to find a prompt online to write a story for before they start their own. using a prompt someone else made keeps your brain from getting overwhelmed, allowing you to focus more on finding a writing style that works best for you. using writing prompts also lets your brain find ways to contribute to a story without having it make everything while also figuring out how to put it on paper. it's easy to overwhelm the brain, so let it get used to writing before you start creating your own ideas. (this is also something i advise to people who experience burnout or just cant think of anything to write. your brain just needs a break from creating ideas right now, go and find a prompt for it)

8) word count

listen to me because this is so important; ignore the word count. you need to focus on learning, not how much you're writing. it doesn't matter if you only wrote 50 words when other people have fics well over 50k. ignore it. you are learning, you'll get there eventually. if you focus too much on how much you're writing you're going to stress yourself out and ultimately drive yourself away from ever writing again. treat word counts as milestones. start with 50, then 100, then 150, then 200, etc. let yourself work towards it slowly rather than push yourself too hard right out the gate. you can't expect to draw the mona lisa the first time you put a pencil to a paper, so don't expect to write thousands of words the first time you write a story. it'll take time, and that's perfectly okay.

9) analyze the shit out of your characters

this is easier when writing fanfiction, but take a few hours to learn your characters. find the content they're in and hyper-focus on what they're doing. pay attention to their speech patterns, their body language, their relationships with others, etc. if they're not in a scene, try to imagine they are and what'd they do and/or say if they were. it'll help out with keeping them in character when writing

10) if you get to a point where you can't write anymore even when using brackets; stop writing for the day

we have our limits. you will get to a point where you can't get another word down and that's okay. it doesn't matter if you've only written a handful of words, close your program and wait until you feel motivation hit you again. if you keep trying to force yourself to write when you just can't then you're going to burn yourself out. the most probable reason for this is writer's block, which means you need to focus on other things for a while. give your brain time to recollect itself. it's annoying, i know, but it's better for you if you just let your brain do what it needs to. it knows how to take care of itself, so let it.

i also have a tag i use whenever i give tips, so you can check those out as well to see if anything helps! it's just writing tips

[colourful-void]

OKAY I GOT DISTRACTED FOR A BIT BY GETTING IN THE ZONE BUT AITSF UDPATE:

1: finished the komeji and shoma ending! i! okay ill be honestly i wasn't super thrilled. I REALLY like the set up stuff in terms of simulation reality, and beleiving its all fake bcs you can't cope, im MASSIVELY INTO THAT. But. I don't. like. Komeji I'm so sorry his just. he's so cube. and he annoys me. I feel like a usually have a pretty high tolerance for this kinda stuff but I just. On paper i get it but in practice I really dont like him. was very happy to see date n co tho. i think it's RIDICULOUSSSS how they explain date's interest in porn like that did not need to be explained. however. its such a stupid explanation it kinda loops back around to being funny to me. sure. why not.

2: ollowing finishing that route i tried to get back to Tokiko to see if i could use that elevator code, bcs she'd been mentioning frayers and i thought i knew what that was but i did not. but no thats only 6 digits so still not right f=/. dang. i also tried to get onto mizuki's half i miss my baby, but i found i needed two names. i know Dahlia is one, but the other is 4 letters so. Currently its probably either for Mame, Lien, or Naix. I suspect Naix the most as an answer.

3: started onto the other route from komeji's somnium. I maintain that these are too easy. It's not like they're like. the problem is that I feel like i'm being treated like I'm an idiot. ryuki and tama talk everything out in such detail, and theres often not a lot of stuff to interact with at all, a lot of which doesn't even let you make the choices like from the last game. like, proper timie usage was SO important to me last game and in this one I've never even racked up 3. i also feel like there's less dream logic, and it's a little disappointing. like, oh tape the cardboard back together. turn on the tv. =( the whimsy. it did improve some in the back half though, and i'll take it!!!

4: liking this dead komeji route WAY MORE than the other one. its not that i hate him that much but i do like the way the plots moving here. what does mame know? whats the masked womans deal? has anyone seen shoma. WHAT IS WRONGGGG WITH RYUKI <33. what is wrong with ryuki is by far my favourite mystery. im more interested in that than i am in the half body killings honestly. (part of that is teh victims i think. we dont really know jin, chikara was annoying at best but the more i learn about him the more i hate him, komeji was annoying, so. honestly i havent really been that upset about any of them dying. tokiko i did love and i am sad she's gone, but also these murders are a little bland following the first game. i just watched a guys head explode could there at least be a little blood? just a little? i know its probably for plot reasons but ive never missed gore so bad. im not even that into gore.

5: somewhere on the dead komeji route i finally figured out what that little green thing in the menu was so i've activated my tamagotchi thingy!! very fun i love it. mines an iris-y one or something? its cuteee!!

6: in terms of the wider mystery: im just really curious how far they're gonna commit to being meta.they did start with asking ME what i knew about the last game so.... looking forward to ryuki's whole deal, actually getting to play as my darling mizuki again, finding out what is UPP with date. i really like the weird videos series i just think they're neat. if the endgame doesn't have a somnium based on those thigns i will be disappointed, surely thats what we're building to.

i left off right before starting mame's somniumin the gameshow room. i don't think shes' actually involved in the killings, but doing that would be REALLY NEAT as a sequel thing, imo. i'd like it. i think shes just hiding stuff bcs she was threatened. assumably i've still got a good chunk of the game to paly! i havent done much if any of the extra eyeballs either, just whats on the way so. i'll get those guys. have been picking up some costumes n stuff tho. you can put tama <33 in pants <3333333333.

[cas-mentalynothereeee]

Here is a skk fic im working on. Its a little strange because its the first one i did and i have it switching POVs so im sorry if thats annoying.

TWS- Men being queer, Being really sick, Throwing up, suicidal topics

Dazai POV:

"At-su-shiii.." 

I said looking at the boy who was sweating nervously. 

"Y..yes dazai san..?"

 Atsushi asked me.

 "Youuuu should do my paperwork for me!" 

I smiled widely at him. 

"Dazai san I have a life too you know. I can’t always do it for you.." 

Atsushi said, smiling warmly as he declined my request. 

"Very well..I guess I'll be here late.."

 I chuckle to myself as I do work for once in my life.. 

It was around midnight when I finished the stacks of paper I had let build up on my desk…

I sighed and stretched…That's when I felt a pain in my side.. 

It was probably nothing. I thought as I grabbed my things and closed up the office. 

As I walked home though I had a headache and I felt a bit warm.

 I assumed it was just the weather changing or seasonal allergies, nothing too bad…

But oh boy. Was I wrong.

3rd person POV:

As Dazai walked to work the next day he felt incredibly ill..the headache he hoped would go away after sleep did not. And he felt very hot, in fact he was so hot he didn't even grab his trenchcoat that he is almost never seen without. As he entered the agency he almost collapsed in his chair. Sitting down with a loud groan. "You good dazai?" 

Ranpo asked,  it came out a bit muffled as a lollipop was in his mouth. 

"Yes..Im okay" 

Dazai says resting his head on the edge of the desk. The desk was cold which made his warm head feel better.

"I should get doctor Yosano. You look like you need a check up." 

Kenji said, smiling as he jumped up and ran to the infirmary.

-20 minutes later-

Dazai had been sat at the cot as Yosano did a check up on him.

"Dazai. Why the hell did you come to work today with a temperature of 98°??"

"I'm just a little sick, it's fine." 

Dazai said, holding his chest tightly.

"Go home dazai. This is bad..I can drive you there but you're super ill." 

She said resting a hand on his shoulder. Dazai flinched back. 

"I’m fine. Yosano. I appreciate the care. But I don't need it. I'm just a bit sick. I will be fine." 

Dazai goes to stand up but quickly falls back onto the bed as his legs are too weak to hold him up.

"See. You're sick." 

"Just because I fell doesn't mean I'm sick." 

Dazai snapped back. He wasn't usually like this. But he just felt angry for no reason.. 

"Dazai. I'll have Atsushi walk you home.. I just remembered I have work.. And you're not fighting me on this. You're going home." 

Yosano said in a tone that gave even dazai chills. 

"Very well." 

He sighed upset. 

A few moments later he was walking with Atsushi. Leaning on him for support. 

"Are you sure you're alright Dazai-San?" 

Atsushi asked worry hinted in his tone

"Yes. I'm fine. I'm just a little sick.." 

Dazai said. Anger hinted in his voice. He wasn't sure where the anger was coming from but it was there..

Eventually dazai convinced Atsushi he would be alright. And that he could leave himself alone. Once dazai was alone however. He felt ill. He didn't know what he did that could have gotten him this sick. He thought back on the days. Maybe it was the water from that drowning attempt. Maybe it was the raw fish in the sushi he convinced Kunikida to buy. Maybe just maybe it was chibi. 

"I bet his terrible attitude has made me ill" 

Dazai said to himself resting on the cold tile floor to make his warm body feel better. 

He laid there for a while. Every time he tried to move he felt as if he was going to throw up. He didn't want to take any medications as he had too big of an ego for that. 

As his mind rambled he kept going back to the thought of chuuya. Maybe he would help… This thought caused dazai to laugh out loud which he regretted instantly as a pain filled his chest. The floor suddenly felt too hot to lay on. He pushed himself up and wobbled to the bathroom.

He sat next to the toilet, his knees to his chest as he hid his mouth in his arms trying not to throw up. He felt hot and cold at the same time. He wanted to just die already. This pain was unbearable. Not only that but everytime he breathed his stomach churned and cramped… 

"Ughh.."

He groaned.

"Fuck this hurts alot…"

He whined leaning his head into his arms. His sick fatigued body just wanted rest. Eventually he fell asleep laying on some bath mats in the bathroom.

-3 AM that morning-

He woke up to his stomach spinning. He felt himself gag. And start breathing heavily. He leaned over the toilet as he gagged. But nothing came out. His throat hurt as tears filled up the corners. He never cried. No matter the pain. But his sick body wouldn't let him hold back his emotions. Eventually after what seemed like forever he finally threw up.. he leaned over the toilet after still breathing heavily. He knew that he should tell someone he threw up. But he really didn't want pity right now. So he did the logical thing. 

Call the one person who couldn’t care less.

Nakahara Chuuya.

Chuuya POV: 

I was sitting on my bed mindlessly scrolling on my phone because…I wanted to. When A certain Mackerel called me. 

naturally like any good person would. 

I declined it.

 My day had been good, it's not gonna get worse.. I went back to scrolling then he called again….And again….And again…

"Jesus..what the hell does he even need?" 

I said as I stared at the ringing phone

"...."

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT SHITTY MACKEREL?!" 

I yelled as I answered the phone.

"H..Heyyyy Chi-" 

Dazai was cut off by a gag. Then I heard the sounds of throwing up.

"oh fuck. Gross." 

I said, holding my hand over my mouth. 

"Sorry chibi.." 

He coughed as he spoke. 

"You sound like shit." 

I say holding my stomach with one hand. 

"Yeah. I couldn't tell…Anyway. You should. Come over and help me out..Please." 

Dazai said. He sounded like he meant it. But I bet he was just fucking with me.

"Sorry. You're sick. You deal with it. Goodbye." 

I said hanging up, not listening to him.

I sat there for a few minutes staring at the end call screen. I thought about his voice. The sounds. Everything sounded legit…Maybe he was sick…No that's not possible, Dazai never gets sick that badly. Besides, he would've called someone more important. Like the agency..Or I don't know. Not me. He knows I dont give a shit. I mean. It’s not like I'm actually gonna go help. He doesn't deserve it. He left me alone. Why should I help?

3rd person POV:

Dazai sat on the floor of the bathroom. The same spot he had been for the past 8 hours. When there was a knock at his door. He forced himself up using the bathtub as support as he slowly walked to the front door. 

He slowly cracked it. And there stood a ginger. Short as can be looking as grumpy as ever. He opened the door more still Leaning on it for full support. 

"Hey there chibi…" 

Dazai said in a hoarse voice.

"Move you suicidal Maniac."

Chuuya said walking past dazai. He went straight to the kitchen and grabbed something. Dazai sat at the couch and leaned on the armrest.

A few moments later chuuya came back with some water and a container of medicine. 

"Take it you fucking fish." 

He said holding the water cup and pills in front of dazai. 

"No..I don't need them." 

Chuuya stared at the man who just threw up on a call not even 30 minutes ago. 

"Dazai just take the fucking medication. It will help I swear."

Chuuya said, holding the pills closer to dazai's face. 

"No. I don't need them. I told you I'll be okay without them."

Dazai said, looking away from the ginger with a pouty face. Chuuya sighed in anger. 

"Fine" 

Chuuya said, taking a gulp of water and putting the pills in his mouth. He had to be quick so they didn’t disintegrate in the water. 

He grabbed Dazai by the chin, forcing his face to look at him. Then with no explanation kissed dazai. Dazai made a small grunt which was enough to get chuuya to get the pills in dazai's mouth. Dazai swallowed and pulled back breathing heavily. 

"Ugh. Fuck you. It would've been easier if you took them normally." 

Chuuya said, crossing his arms and walking back to the kitchen. 

Dazai just sat there confused and a bit warm although he was sure he had broken the fever…

Chuuya stayed in the kitchen screaming at himself on the inside. He had no idea why the hell he kissed dazai. He tried convincing himself it wasn't a kiss it was merely a mouth to mouth like lifeguards do. He needed to help so that's why he did that. <I know what you are, chuuya>. Chuuya heard dazai groan and walked back over to him. 

"Why are you making so much noise..Just die slowly." 

Chuuya said sitting on the couch a few spots away separating the two.

"Gee thanks chibi."

Dazai said, leaning back on the sofa. 

"What's wrong with you anyway P.O.S?" 

Chuuya asked, looking at the unnaturally super pale brunette. 

"I'm sick, what else shorty?" Dazai said looking at him dead faced then going back to holding his stomach. Chuuya stared at the brunette then scoffed looking away. 

“Your an ass you know that” 

He grumbled. Dazai coughed and gave a weak smile.

“Yeah I know”

Chuuya looked at Dazai. He watched the brunette shiver. 

“Are you cold?”

Chuuya asked, looking at him with a raised brow. Dazai was holding his chest shivering.

“No, I'm okay.” 

Dazai lied holding himself tightly. Chuuya stared at the brunette. He sighed and moved closer to the taller one holding him tightly in a warm embrace. Dazai’s eyes widened as the ginger held him. 

“What the hell are you doing chibi?!”

He said trying to move but his fatigued body combined with the Chuuya tight hold on him, He couldn't. 

“Shut up mackerel. You are freezing. So stop being a little bitch and stay here.”

Chuuya grumbled leaning back holding the taller one’s back while Dazai laid there on his chest shivering. 

Dazai POV:

I laid there on Chibi's chest listening to his heartbeat. As much as I hated it. It was warm… Ugh this slug is gonna get it when I feel better.

“You slug this is gay” 

“Shut the fuck up.”

I grumbled something then went back to listen to his heart beat. It was a good distraction from my stomach hurting. 

Eventually I fell asleep…

-One hour later-

I woke up still cuddled with Chuuya. Who seemed to be still asleep. I managed to get up without waking him. Which wasn't hard cause he was such a deep sleeper. I walked to the bathroom. And looked in the mirror. My hair had been a mess, it was all disheveled and greasy. My face looked paler than usual, I had sunken cheekbones and My eye bags were far worse than they usually are. I turned the faucet on and put warm water on my face. I looked back up at the mirror. 

Chuuya POV:

I woke up to a loud crashing sound from the bathroom. I shot up from the couch and noticed Dazai wasn't sitting there. 

“That shitty mackerel.” 

I grumbled walking to the bathroom. I tried to open the door but it was locked, 

“Hey open the door Dazai.” 

I said jiggling the handle. There was just silence back.

“Dazai im not fucking joking open the door.”

I said forcefully trying to open it. 

“DAZAI OPEN THE DOOR”

I yelled banging on the door again. 

Still no answer. I stood there conflicted. Do I leave him alone or do I try to open it.. 

"This bitch better be dying or I'm gonna be pissed."

I grumbled kicking the door, It flew open. And I saw Dazai leaning over the bathtub. He had a pair of scissors in his hand and bandages were on the floor. 

"...." 

I stood there. Shaking. I stared at him, my legs not moving. Finally my legs let me move. I ran over pulling him into my lap. As I did this I saw blood on his head. With cuts all on his wrists. He was breathing. Barely.

"Dazai..What the fuck." 

I said, still shaking. I held him tight to my chest. Eventually after I gathered myself I sat him up against the wall. And grabbed some bandages laying on the floor. I wrapped them along his arms and around his head. 

"Chibi?" 

He muttered, opening his eyes to me.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" 

I said holding his face with my hands.

“I didn't mean to fall…”

He said looking at me with a sly smile. It was definitely faked.

“FALL? THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT DUMBASS.”

I yelled, holding him tighter.

"Do you know how fucking worried I was?! And I'm never worried about you."

I yelled, holding his face tight. He just stared at me. With those stupid brown eyes.

"I'm sorry Chuuya."

He said resting his hands on mine. I scoffed. 

"It's gonna take a lot more than an apology." 

I said narrowing my eyes at him

"To bad im sick I had just the idea"

He said with a sly smile. I stared at him unphased 

"I hate you. Now take your medicine." I said picking him up as if he was a wet cat. He squirmed a bit. I ignored it. 

"Take it." 

I said handing it to him. After twenty minutes of arguing he took the medicine. He fell asleep shortly after. I sighed as I looked at the bandages on his body.

“Stupid mackerel.”

I mumbled holding him close.

3rd person POV:

Chuuyas phone rang for the 5th time. He finally woke up and answered it.

“What.”

He grumbled as dazai rested on him.

“You havent shown up to work in 3 days what the fuck!? Where are you?!””

A worried yet angry female yelled. Chuuyas eyes widened.

“3 days?! Shit has it really been that long….” 

He mumbled.

“Sorry Kouyou.. I've been helping a friend out….”

He sighed, rubbing his head.

“You? Help someone?”

She scoffed. 

“I’ll let Mori know you're busy for the rest of the day. But you Have to come in soon.”

She sighs hanging up. Chuuya put his phone away and rested against the couch. 

“Those detectives are probably worried…Maybe I should call them…”

He muttered. Suddenly a knock was heard at the door. He looked at dazai and carefully moved him. He walked over to the door yawning. He cracked open the door so only a bit of his face was seen.

“Hello? Dazai-San?”

A voice said shakily. Chuuya opened the door.

“Dazai is resting. What can I do for you atsushi?”

He says looking at him with a small smile on his face. Atsushi gasped a bit, probably surprised that a port mafia executive was there. But he relaxed a bit and smiled. 

“Hello Chuuya-San.”

He said with a small bow.

“What do you need, kid?”

“I was just checking on Dazai-San, he hasn't answered any calls. And he hasn't showed up to work..”

He mumbled rubbing the back of his head nervously.

“Yeah..He got pretty sick. But he is doing better..”

Chuuya said, looking the weretiger up and down.

“Oh! That's great!”

He smiled a big smile causing chuuya to chuckle. Thinking of last night. That was not a “Great” Experience. But he didn't want to worry the tiger.

“Indeed. I would let you in. But I would have to check with dazai and he is still asleep.”

Chuuya gives a small smile. Just then a hand wrapped around his waist (atsushi couldn't see)

“Hello atsushi”

A weak voice came from dazai who had rested his chin on chuuyas shoulder. 

“Dazai?!”

Atsushi and Chuuya said in surprise. 

“Why aren't you sleeping…”

Chuuya said, side eyeing him.

“Cause I don't wanna,”

He said with a sly smile before directing his attention to Atsushi.

“Hello ‘sushi”

He smiles weakly

“Hello Dazai! Are you feeling better?”

“I am thank you.”

Dazai smiles, tightening his grip on Chuuyas waist earning a small grunt from Chuuya who tried to hide it as a cough.

“Well I brought you some soup if you want some”

He smiled while holding it out to Chuuya and Dazai.

“Ah thank you Atsushi”

Chuuya smiled while taking the soup. They all said goodbye and closed the door. 

[mental-health-advice]

Hello!

(tw mentions of sh but nothing graphic)

I really dont know if this is the place for this, if so simply being able to write this out is probably helpful. I am in a romantic relationship with someone who self harms (were both 19). This was a thing i knew about before we got together, we were both going through a rough patch then and bonded a lot of beinf able to talk about our problems, i think back then i was so busy dealing with my own mountain of problems and thoughts of self inury (that i luckily never followed through on) that worry for someone else didnt even fit.

While all the resources I can find are really helpful im at a bit of a loss now, ive done everything right, i already had expierience with other friends and myself. They are in therapy and are on the path to healing, take good care of the wounds generally and we can openly comunicate about this and generally have been able to do so effectively.

These last few months however theres been more slip ups than before. I know progress is not linear, and its still much a work in progress (this has been an issue for 7 years, 1 year of recovery is obviously nothing). I am incredibly proud of the progress they have made, last year it was twice weekly trips to the ER, so even twice a month is huge already. also know they wont be able to quit or even signficantly reduce the self harm until they move out, since their family is unstable and does everything wrong (gets angry, threatens with ultimatums, generally extremely scared of their scars).

last few times with a slip up its made me freak out too, I have an anxiety disorder which this now triggers (i used to have a slightly better grip on this) I try to remain calm and helpful for their sake, but its mostly incredibly upsetting im not there to help them, and i know being there to talk helps but ive run out of material ways to help. It also feels like it proves my fear that something will always go wrong, which can lead me to have panic attacks. Ive talked about this with them of course and we get through it together, i really want to be better at keeping a slightly leverer head though. I used to have counceling too who helped me, but since i turned 18 and finished school im now on a waitinglist for adult help, and while talking to other friends helps somewhat its still generally makes me panic, sleep badly and sometimes have nightmares. I really love them, whenever were together we bring out the best in eachother and im afraid if i talk about this too much to people theyll tell me to break up with them.

we have plans to move in together for university next year, which im sure will help a lot (i know they wont magically heal then either, but ill be there as a more sturdy support and theyll be able to access ER, etc without being shamed) and ill have a therapist again then too, so its just these coming months that are going to be very rough. I just never know how to calm myself down, i know its not rational (they are hurt but never badly, they always talk to me about it, their psychologist will generally help too) i also know im allowed to feel sad and scared, i just want to be more in control.

back when i had a therapist she used to talk about trying to stay at my own feelings, not getting dragged down into someone else. But i just dont know how to do that, whenever it happens its just so sad and i hate it. No matter how much i remind myself even after ive allowed myself a period to be sad that itll be okay and they are relatively safe and i see them every week it feels so awful. Its not very tennable to ruin my whole night, next day on this every time. sorry this is sooo long but i feel the context is important as ive gone through a lot of advice, thank u tho.

Hey there,

Whilst I think that it is great that you have been able to help this person for such a long period of time, unfortunately it is not always sustainable no matter how much we would like it to be. This though doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try if you want to, I am just trying to point out that unless you look after yourself too and put a bit of a barrier between you and this person then it is likely that things may not change or improve for YOU.

I know how great it can feel when we help another and especially when we see such big improvements for the person we are trying to help and support, but the end line is that we can only do so much until we ourself begin to crumble or struggle a bit (which it sounds like you are to some degree) and so I am wondering if you can put some space between this person and you at all to focus on yourself a bit more and self-care may be of some benefit to you.

In regards to this person, any day of no self-harm is an amazing achievement and no amount of set backs or slip ups/ relapses can take these achievements away from them. It’s important to know that that recovery comes from within and so unless this person chooses to and is ready to focus on their recovery then it is unlikely that things will change for them and they will still be in survival mode. This is in no way your fault, and nor is there much you can do about it as we cannot choose recovery for another person, it has to be when they are ready and choose to try to commit. And even then, it’s quite normal to go back to survival mode and go back and forth between recovery and not, this does not mean they are not still trying, but rather they are just human like everyone of us are. I remember in my own recovery away from self-harm I did go in and out of trying to not self-harm depending on how strong I felt on the day and what triggers may have come up that made me want to self-harm, this didn’t mean I wasn’t trying or that, it was just that I was really struggling and the urges to self-harm were too strong to try and fight them.

So, what can you do?

To begin with try to be patient with yourself and this person and know that even when they seem to not be trying, they actually are. Try to put some space in between you and this person to enable you to look after yourself too. You can do this by practising good self-care (trying to eat healthy, doing some exercise a few times a week and trying to get a good nights sleep) and tyring to have some ‘down time’ where you can simply just think about yourself and do some things that you enjoy doing whatever that may be. I know that you may feel selfish and bad for taking some time out for yourself, but if you don’t look after yourself then it won’t be sustainable to help support others and be there for them if you choose to do so.

In regards to how it can make you feel when this person does self-harm or is struggling quite a bit, as your therapist mentioned to you, try to take a step back and allow yourself some time to grieve or feel sad and try to be kind to yourself – I know how it can feel like a loss to you as well when someone is struggling and self-harms as a result, but in reality it has nothing to do with you and how much or how little you are there for the, it is bound to happen anyway and this in no way reflects on you and how good a job you may be doing to support them through difficult times and days.

I know that you mentioned that it can cause great anxiety when they do self-harm now, and so when this happens, again, try to be kind to yourself and do try to take some time out for you. And I know, this is much easier said than done, but it will get easier though with practice and it may also be helpful to check out our page on calming anxiety and panic as well for some more ideas on different coping strategies.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going OK!

Take care,

Lauren

[qwizzers]

so i just found your youtube channel like a few minutes ago and I really enjoyed your video talking about different types of social media and your own personal experience/opinions on them because ive been bouncing back and forth between social medias. I personally miss the old twitter and instagram format but ever since instagram has been turned into a reel-obsessed platform it is very difficult to get reach there so i think twitter has been my most safest/casual posting experience for me. i felt like on instagram i had so much pressure to post reels and i never gave in but it was just super frustrating, sometimes really wanting to just completely leave it entirely, but for now i guess im trying to just post more. im not a tumblr user really but i had this tumblr acc ages ago so i decided to log back in just to message here, but i wanted to ask, if theres any way we can talk further abt this privately i would love to go more in depth ! i dont check tumblr often so im not even sure if you will ever answer this haha, or how i would know if you did or not, but i guess a question that also comes to mind is, how do you post without overthinking? i have so much art i make so many doodles and unfinished wips, and people post wips all the time ! and its like, i cannot bring myself to do that either... im scared of someone either tracing over my art/stealing my art /ocs and just im not sure i guess posting wips makes me not want to finish the art, but when i dont post often i often feel pressure to post fully rendered stuff and sometimes ! i just wanna post a cute furry oc with thigh socks is that so much to ask !!!!!!! XD,,, i kind of scare myself out of posting, but how do i make myself more comfortable with posting without worrying? i scare myself from doing anything haha, i WANT to be more active ! and i want to post more oc stuff and even fanart, but i always make excuses like "nah ill do that when i get better, or ill do it when the drawing is finished" and sometimes i dont even post finished sketches or art !!!!!! i will take any suggestions or anything, but im desperate to break this bad habit,,,, and also ! another question is, how do people code their toyhouse? i saw you explain it in the video a bit, and i recently just got my toyhouse to post oc stuff, but im not sure how people code their card.co, and toyhouse so if theres any sort of website or program or anything i can use to do this please let me know ! i really want to decorate my stuff more :3,,, anyways im not sure if you publically post these.... but if i can somehow post my discord somewhere so we can talk further please let me know !

okay, this ask was super sweet and i want to just say thank u bc it was a fun read :3 hopefully if you do see this response - i have a discord if you want to add me and talk, its qwizzers! i have a website (https://qwizz.carrd.co) and you can see all the sites that i use there so if you use any as well you can contact me there!

so my input on avoiding overthinking b4 you post is to start sharing your work in smaller places to build up your confidence! if you're worried about tracing/stealing, i don't want to say that's not a legitimate concern, bc it IS, however i will say it really doesn't happen too often! ive been around for years and i dont think ive...ever had anyone trace me, the most i've seen is heavy referencing and usually if you bring it to their attention, they instantly stop - when this happens i say it's 70% of the time just young kids that don't realize what theyre doing is wrong or didnt realize youd find out. you can also watermark your work! theres nothing wrong with watermarks, even if its just on a sketch! while it cant necessarily guard against tracers, it can guard against blatant theft. you dont necessarily have to post your work in progresses if doing so demotivates you; but you dont have to exclusively post fully rendered art, either. try to get into a habit of making doodles n more simple art in between your big pieces, and get into the swing of posting those! if you feel like you havent posted in a while, just make a quick doodle or something along those lines and share that! you can build up your confidence with posting online in general by starting small - you could start by sharing your art in discord servers or with your friends so you get more confident about sharing your work regularly. "ill do this when i'm good enough" is a SUPER detrimental train of thought...bc there will never be a point where you'll admit to yourself that you feel like you're ready. that's just a part of the artistic progression :') if you have that mindset, you'll ALWAYS have that mindset, and you'll never actually do the projects that you want to! if you think its outside your ability, it probably isnt really, and you should give it a go anyways! even if it doesnt look perfect or turn out exactly how you wanted it to, you'll probably still be happy in the end bc u gave it your best effort :]

heres my bit on toyhouse:

if you know how to code w html, all you have to do is press "edit profile" on a character and you can code directly into the big box field! if you're not seeing that, it has to do with your settings (which i can explain more in depth if need be) if you ARENT familiar w html, thats fine too! you can find a TON of free to use toyhouse code templates, and a lot of them even explain exactly how to use them! basically you can copy and paste their code for free into your character profile, and just change the text so it fits your character :3 i have a favorite folder for all the neat free to use codes i see, here's a link: https://toyhou.se/Qwizz/favorites/79962 *my toyhouse is kind of eyestrainy btw!) carrd is a seperate website: https://carrd.co you can make a carrd for free and its much more straightforward, you basically just drag text boxes/images in and customize the site how youd like :3

[nukleator]

Holy fuuuuuuuuck i felt like a hostage tonight. Started my day 15 unpaid minutes early to ensure i will have enough time to enter the food order even if 10 things go wrong. Finished that, begin setting up my station but we get busy right away so i have to wait, get a tiny bit of prep done, busy again, repeat for four hours.

Ok everything done and im off now.

Hmm but of course the AM fry cook didnt run the filter cycle and i need that oil to last one more day. Guess ill hang around 10 minutes to get that done. Oh shit i just remembered i didnt put the last shipment of buns away and im expected to that so gonna get that done quickly. I break down the cardboard and remember there's empty boxes in the walk in still. Gotta deal with those. Suddenly 30 minutes have passed. Oops.

OKAY NOW IM DONE. Got my street clothes on, just gonna pop back on the line and grab some food. Oh shit its busy. Like REALLY busy. It's shift change so there's only two cooks working right now and our bill times are gonna be ridiculous. Can't leave it like this so i guess i'll help out.

20 minutes later and done. Got my food. Got my coat on. Lets get outta here. Say bye to GM and im about to reach for the door when he says "hey actually do you think you can stay 3 hours just to make sure theyre ok?"

FUCK

"no problem im on it! 😃" Is my immediate reply however

Back in my clogs and whites and im thinking ok this is fine im just here for the dinner rush and then i go home. My hours were cut this week so at least i can get a few back.

HOLY. SHIT. We got destroyed, annihilated, pulverised, whatever. I got put on expo and i have never seen such madness. It was somehow worse than a friday night. We only had about half the covers we do on friday but they were concentrated into one single hour of pure hell.

My PM fry cook didnt want to be there and refused to do half her job (make fries). She tried to pawn her shift to me immediately and got upset when i said hell no. She also snapped "dont tell me what to do when you havent helped me at all!" when i said to her "please you need to help me blanch (your) fries because we (you) are gonna run out in about 10 minutes!!" meanwhile i have 12 entrées that are piling up at my station and im communicating with FOH to make sure things dont get run to the wrong table which prevents me from walking away and oh yeah cooking fries is YOUR job. One of the takeout servers heard us and actually ran into the kitchen with a box of fries 😭😭😭😭 new favourite server

Anyways then while shit is still fucked she walks out of the kitchen to talk to the MOD and i see them talking and tbh i think oh fuck shes telling her she cant work with me. Then the guy on desserts walks over and starts dropping baskets so im like oh okay they wanted to swap. But THEN he says to me ok im going back to desserts now btw and im like !?

So now im watching fryers as well and im wondering where the fry cook is. After a while i finally say WHERE IS SHE and one of cooks says oh... She went home sick. Forgot to tell you.

WTF

Okay actually im super tired n ow so im not even gonna finish my rant but the the main point is that i wanted to fucking go home after this shit and all those cunts inthe kitchen guilted me and bullied me into staying. They all claimed they didnt know how to clean the fryers which i find hard to believe. I got upset and then they were like ohh no.... You can go home. Totally. We wont hold this against you and make your life worse or anything. Like WOW awesome.

So thats how i worked 12 hours today on 0 food and a single can of monster because i didnt even have time to get water.

[mousewear]

tagged by @noelashe THANK YOU very much ^_^b

last song i heard: tv casualty by the misfits i never actually super got into this band but somehow this somg has been on my playlist for years…

fav color: ultramarine. 👇 always

last watched series: hellsing ultimate Well actually i have one episode left but it’s a pretty cool action i think ill have a better time if i decide to read it as well though due to storytelling/pacing issues

spicy/sweet/savory: i love all of these however i will have to say sweet my sweet tooth is insatiable (unless its fruit). however spicy comes close

relationship status: 5ever alone

last thing i searched: what do i do if im late for curbside pickup (😭)

last thing i read: i was reading noise by tsutomu nihei earlier today its a 1 volume manga so i got a physical copy. its okay not that amazing? i havent finished it yet though. its a prequel to blame which i also havent finished and im not sure if i need to finish the source material beforehand, maube thats why. ill have to reread it after i finish blame

current obsession: ahhhhhhh……….probably like as of this specific point in time these early 2010s anime memes theyre so funny but in general id say handheld consoles i pissed someone off cuz i asked their fav one like 3 times the otjer day

something im looking forward to: Half looking forward to Half dreading in case it goes wrong i got the circle pad replacement for my 3ds xl in the mail today so im gonna try to install that. worried if it doesnt fix the underlying issue of the broken spring or if i just fuck the my 3ds by taking it apart though. i know itll probabky turn out fine though so im looking forward to seeing if it works…

i dont know who to tag anyone who sees this can do this you i say i am just lazy but i really do not know

[rinstars]

hey is everything alright??? you kinds disappeared on us. hope everything’s okay

hiiii everyone! everything's fine. now. at the very least, everything is starting to be okay. i'm sorry i disappeared for a while without saying anything or giving u guys updates about why and if i was ever coming back. there's probably a lot of questions you guys have so ill just break it down in a single post, making it easier for u guys to find what you wanna know.

1. what happened and where were u?

thing is, the last time i was here i mentioned something about being sick and that was originally the only time i needed off. i was just waiting to get better and it wasn't supposed to stretch into a month. however, a very unfortunate incident happened where i had to be hospitalized and monitored as i sustained an injury to my already very weak knee. growing up, my right knee has always been very prone to dislocation but it wasnt too serious to the point that i could still join cheerleading and excel in it. it wasnt until i was doing a dance required for one of my classes and my knees knocked and snapped that i fell so hard crying when i realized this time it was.. bad. i had a surgery that wasn't anything too crazy and got put in a cast until i was fully recovered bc simply popping it back to place like they always did stopped working. that, too, was fine. but finding out i'd have to take it easy on dancing and possibly cut off anything that has to do with the hardcore dancing i was used to for the rest of my life to make sure it wouldn't get any worse than it already was literally depressed me and put me in a slump and i just didn't want to answer anyone and tell people all about it yet. especially not on tumblr where i know people were waiting for something ive promised to finish. i was just very out of it and wasn't sure if i was even in the right mindset to ever continue being here at the time. so there's that but now that im able to tell u all about it, it means it's gotten a lot better and u dont have to worry about my knee bc it's healing fine :") im very thankful for all the messages and i read and appreciated all of them. im sorry it took me so long to respond.

2. what's gonna happen to cfm?

the very short answer to this is im not abandoning it and will continue writing the remaining 3 parts! dont worry! you can rest easy. however, ill take this in my own pace. ill work hard to post it in 2 weeks time but it's not a promise and i'm still wrapping my head around my whole knee thing and the start of my semester. but i love the series and it means a lot to me. i want to see it finished probably more than any of u do that's why you can count on the ending that will surely come. i know ive gone so long without updating and idek if any of u will still be reading it when i post it in a few weeks! but it's a risk im willing to take because we're so close to the end! and i am so excited for all of u to see how suna and yn end up living after where i left act x on hehehe

3. im not leaving and im sorry

i feel really horrible leaving u all in the dark for like more than a month now i think. that was a dick move. if an author i follow suddenly disappeared after what happened in act x i wouldve been mad and worried too so im really sorry. i didn't want to ignore any of u. i was just in a place where i didn't feel like moving. thank u to everyone who has been very understanding with me despite not knowing what was happening. to my friends on discord that i wasn't replying to, to all my followers and readers, to everyone who reached out to my friends hoping to know if im doing well, thank u sooo much and i love and appreciate u all so much.

im sorry this got so long but i hope i answered everything! if i missed anything, please just send me more asks, ill be happy to answer them hehe. love u!

[damdammy]

Will open requests soon, need to sort out my rules first ^^ in the meantime, have a scenario that’s based on a request from my old blog ^^ Enjoy reading!!

I haven’t written in forever so if its bad pls bear w me LMAO

Request: Diluc & Kaeya - Reader has Hanahaki disease and is very reluctant on confessing (Angst to fluff please ^^) ~ 🐺 Anon

warnings: mention/description of vomiting, blood, alcohol (its not as bad as it seems i swear)

for those who do not know what Hanahaki disease is: a fictional (emphasis on fictional) disease, often used in fanfictions, where the victim regurgitates and coughs up flower petals when they suffer from unrequited love. The illness can only be cured through surgical removal, however any existing romantic feelings are also removed with the infection. (i got this from urban dictionary lol)

oop also im going with the kaeya is from khaenri’ah theory here :)

Word count: 3.9K

Diluc

“Are you sure you’re okay, y/n?” Jean’s voice was laced with concern as she placed a small pile of papers on her desk. They simply nodded, but their pale face was telling her something else. Y/n’s hand was covering their mouth and they were struggling to stand straight. They couldn’t do their work like this, they would only feel worse. What if something happened to them?

“You know what, this commission isn’t really urgent anyway.” y/n’s eyes slightly widened. Jean sent them a soft smile “You should go home.” Y/n shook their head in protest. They knew that Jean assumed this was a simple cold or something similar, but it was far from that. If only they could tell them..

“Jean, I promise you that I’m doing just fine. I’ll finish the paperwork like you asked me to.” Y/n said and made their way to her desk.

“Y/n, I appreciate your determination but I’d much prefer you resting and then coming back. Besides, I can ask other knights to do this for me too, it’s alright.” It was hard for y/n to still hold it all in, but they felt like they had to. Maybe going home was a good idea.. It wasn’t like they were going to get much work done anyway. After thinking in silence for a moment, y/n finally complies.

“Don’t try to rush coming back to work, it’s better to get the exact amount of rest you need in the long run.” y/n nodded and was about to thank her when the uncomfortable feeling returned. They covered their mouth and swallowed the flowers back, despite the burning feeling it caused in their throat. Jean saw the apologetic look in their eyes and smiled, telling them it was alright.

As soon as y/n stepped foot outside of the headquarters of the Knights of Favonius, they rushed home. On their way, multiple people had attempted to greet them or have a small conversation, but y/n’s gaze remained fixated on the ground.

A sigh of relief left their mouth after closing the door behind them. Their feet gave up, making them slide down against the door to the ground. As an attempt to control their pain, y/n rested their head on their knees, taking heavy breaths.

Why did this have to happen to them? Why? Why couldn’t they have fallen for anyone else, or nobody for that matter? Why did it have to be him?

The uncomfortable feeling returned, except this time with a lot more force. Y/n couldn’t even run to the bathroom, so before they knew it there were a couple of small lamp grasses on the ground, along with a few drops of blood. The burning sensation was still present in their throat.

The fact that y/n couldn’t do anything to get rid of this burden was making them feel helpless. Of course he didn’t love them, anyone could tell that. The thought itself made their eyes water.

They saw the way he looked at Jean. The way his mannerisms slightly changed, how he appeared slightly more comfortable around her. But even if Diluc didn’t see her that way, he didn’t seem like the type to be easily interested in someone romantically.

“Y/n?” fuck. What was Venti doing here? They stayed silent, so Venti knocked softly on their door and spoke again. “I said hi to you earlier but I don’t think you saw me. You looked a little unwell, is everything alright?”

“I-I’m fine!” They reply, trying to feign happiness in their voice. In reality however, y/n was struggling to breathe without feeling a sharp pain, caused by the flowers in their mouth.

“Are you sure? Oh, how about I’ll bring you some food from Good Hunter? I’ll also get some alcohol for you!” y/n wasn’t even able to protest, because Venti immediately followed saying he’d be right back. They appreciated his efforts, but why would someone give a sick person alcohol?....

There wasn’t much time for y/n to think about it more, because soon the uncomfortable feeling returned. Soon, more and more flower petals, some covered with blood, found their way on the ground, and y/n was too sick to even try to clean it up.

The solution to this seemed so easy, but at the same time they knew it wasn’t possible. Diluc didn’t love them. He really didn’t. Why else would they be struggling here like this?

In the meantime, Venti was rushing to Diluc’s tavern. As soon as the redhead heard the door open and turned around, his face fell.

“Venti, I told you I’m not giving you any more alcohol this we-”

“It’s for y/n!” He interrupted him. Diluc stopped drying the glass he was holding and eyed Venti skeptically. “They’re not feeling well.” The bard explains

“And you think alcohol is going to make them feel better?”

“...Yes??” Man…. This guy was immortal, how could he be this stupid? While resting the back of his hand against his forehead, Diluc released a deep sigh. If Venti was going to try to take care of y/n on his own, he wasn’t sure if that would end well.

“I think y/n would appreciate something such as tea or another warm drink a lot more.” Venti shrugged.

“Alright then. Will it take long for it to be prepared?”

“You go bring them some food, I’ll make something and be there soon as well.” The bard agreed and quickly left to bring y/n the meal he bought.

“Hopefully it’s not cold yet.” he mumbled to himself before knocking on their door. Y/n, who had almost fallen asleep on the cold ground lifted up their head.

“Hmm? Who-” before they knew it another set of petals escaped their mouth.

“I brought you some food, y/n! Diluc is making you something to drink, so he’ll be here soon as well. I hope you don’t mind.” Upon hearing his name, y/n’s heart dropped. He was going to be here? Fuck, he couldn’t see them like this.. But they were too weak to send him away.

Another set of petals escaped y/n’s mouth, this time even bigger and bloodier than the ones before. The pain in their throat was also worsening, and they had no idea how much more time they had left.

“Y/n, your food is going to get cold.. Can I come in?” Venti asked. Shit. No. He was going to see the petals and get worried. Did Venti even know what Hanahaki disease was? Maybe he did… He was a god after all. Venti was lost on what to do when y/n gave no response. He could hear that they weren’t doing well, but it felt rude to just barge in.

“What are you still doing here? Their food is going to get cold!” Venti quickly turned his head and smiled when he saw Diluc, holding a teapot along with a smaller cup. He seemed annoyed; not at y/n but at the fact that Venti wasn’t doing much to help. Y/n’s eyes widened upon hearing the familiar voice. Before they knew it, he spoke up again.

“Y/n, I’m coming in.” He didn’t wait and opened their door. His gaze fell on Y/n, who was sat on the ground, at the corner of the living room. What concerned him wasn’t just their dull gaze and , but also the vast amount of flower petals and blood that they were surrounded by.

“What…. What’s going on?..” He mumbled in confusion. Venti, who entered the house after Diluc, seemed to recognize what’s going on.

“Y/n… Don’t tell me..” He stopped mid sentence when they weakly nodded. This was it. Diluc saw them. Venti obviously recognized the disease, but y/n couldn’t tell them who it was.

“Who is it?” Venti asked softly. Y/n shook their head. They couldn’t know. The feeling wasn’t mutual, they were sure of it. Venti wasn’t taking this, so he put the food on the coffee table in the room and walked over to y/n. He knelt down and made eye contact, his eyes practically begging them to tell him.

“Y/n, please, just tell me.” Y/n shook their head again. They wanted to explain why, but before they were able to utter a word, they felt the pain, which had become familiar at this point, return and soon more flower petals were on the ground. Diluc watched in horror. He didn’t understand what exactly was going on, but he knew this wasn’t good. An uncomfortable feeling in his stomach told him chances of this not ending well were big. Y/n noticed Diluc’s change of expression and smiled through their pain and tears. At least he was here now.

“Y/n, I-” Venti shuffled closer to them, not caring about his clothes becoming dirty.

“No Venti, please don’t do anything.” They stopped him. “It’s okay.” they whispered through their tears in hopes to avoid feeling more pain.

“No, help them!” Diluc exclaimed, almost throwing the teapot that he was holding to the ground. How could they say this was okay? What was going on? Why didn’t y/n tell anyone they felt sick? Were they planning on just dying here, in their house, on their own?

“Venti,” y/n whispered again. “Y-you’re the god of Freedom, aren’t you? Please, I don’t want you to try to help me. Let me-” They leaned forward and coughed heavily. Diluc instantly moved closer to them, gently bringing their head on his lap.

“Y/n,” Diluc began, his voice shaking. “Please, let him help you.” Y/n shook their head again.

“Diluc, I can assure you he can’t.” he was still not sure what was going on, but all he wanted was for them to be okay. He didn’t care what was needed or how it had to be done, he just didn’t want to lose them.

“Y/n you can’t do this.” his eyes filled with tears. “How can you just throw away your life like that?!” he raised his voice. “Why… Why do you want it to just end like this? You’re a knight, do you even realize what you’re leaving behind?” As he continued speaking, he started speaking more sharply. Despite this, y/n felt warm. His touch was comforting, despite the fact that his attitude was cold

“Don’t you realize how selfish you’re being right now?!” At this point his voice was even louder. “What am I supposed to do? You’re just going to give up?” A tear escaped his eye and rolled down his cheek as his grip on y/n tightened. Their eyes were teary too, from both the pain and Diluc’s words. Y/n coughed, as the sharp pain had returned and it was even worse. Venti was frozen in his place, not knowing what to do. He knew damn well that y/n had a point, but it hurt so much to just let them go like this. Part of him knew who y/n had feelings for, but he wasn’t too sure and didn't want to jump to the wrong conclusions.

Then again, the calmness in their eyes as they remained in Diluc’s arms despite the unbearable pain was almost an immediate giveaway. And to Venti, it seemed so clear that the feeling was mutual. Maybe, just maybe he would confess. Venti felt it.

“You can’t leave me like this.” he sobbed, his voice still sharp. “You-you can’t just make me fall in love with you and do this to me!”

silence. Complete silence. Diluc looked at their face, and saw that their eyes were closed. Had they been closed this whole time? Did that happen just now? He was doubting everything now.

“v-venti..” Diluc’s tone was normal, but the stutter gave away how nervous he was. When he looked at the bard, he was smiling. The red haired male grew angry.

“Why on earth are you-”

“They’re still breathing.” Diluc immediately looked at them again and he was right. They could see their chest rising and falling slowly. His gaze moved to their face, and he noticed they seemed more at ease. Did the pain stop? He felt lost, but he was afraid to ask.

“Their pain stopped, don’t worry.” Venti said, as if he could read his thoughts. “Maybe they should get some rest in their own room. I’ll explain everything to you after that.” Diluc nodded in agreement and lifted up y/n, bringing them to their room. They remained asleep the whole time. Diluc gently placed them on their bed and put a blanket over them so they won’t get cold. He was probably going to give them their drink still once they woke up.

For a while, he stayed in the room to look at them. Moments ago, he was so close to losing them, but now he felt at peace. They were resting comfortably. Diluc walked over to the door, and stopped for a moment. He looked back at y/n. He had professed his love for them earlier.. What did they think? How did they feel about him?

No, that’s for later. They needed rest now. Venti was waiting downstairs too to explain everything. He was just glad that they were okay now. That was all that mattered, and all he needed.

Kaeya

Fuck. Why? Why did it have to be him? Out of all the people in Monstadt, it had to be the cavalry captain of the knights of Favonius, the man that flirts with people on the regular for fun. He does it to anyone, it doesn’t mean anything.

But why did it make y/n’s heart skip a beat every time? Despite knowing damn well that he had no intent of wanting anything more, they still fell for him. Stupid heart, stupid feelings, stupid y/n.

“You’re incredibly stupid for not telling anyone you were sick.” Rosaria said, almost scolding them if you listened close enough. She had brought them some food, along with some flowers from Flora’s shop. Her reasoning was that she needed some to make them tea but had bought too much, but she secretly just wanted to give them.

“I didn't want anyone to get worried.” Y/n replied. They appreciated their friends in Monstadt of course, but the last thing they wanted was to be a distraction to anybody. Besides, they would have to explain what was wrong… No one needed to know..

“I’m not stupid.” Rosaria continued as she filled a bowl with some hot soup. “it’s Kaeya, isn’t it?”Y/n almost choked on the flower petals they were trying to swallow to avoid throwing up for the billlionth time.

“Look, I’m not going to tell him, as long as you promise me you will confess your feelings to him.” y/n shook their head immediately.

“He doesn't like me back.”

“You never know.”

“Rosaria, he flirts with pretty much anyone in Monstadt. I’m no different.” The woman sighed and rolled her eyes.

“You should see the way he looks at you.” she mumbled to herself. Most people didn’t notice, but Kaeya’s behavior made the smallest change whenever y/ was around. When they weren’t looking, his eyes would be focused on them. His gaze was soft, and anytime they made physical contact he held them like they were the most precious thing on earth. On top of that:

Kaeya wasn’t as much of a cocky flirt as people often made him out to be. On the outside? Sure. On the inside? Not so much. He’d try to be subtle, but after making a flirty remark to Y/n and seeing their reaction, he would subconsciously fiddle with his hands, and Rosaria would always take notice of this, despite his efforts to hide it.

And if he just directly expressed his feelings, or if they gathered the courage to confess their feelings to him, things would be okay. But neither did.

“afternoon, is Y/n here?” fuck. He was here. Y/n tried to quickly get up and leave, but Rosaria pushed them back.

“They’re here!” She called out, making y/n panic again. They tried to stand up, but they felt another sharp pain in their stomach, making them sit back down. They stared at the floor and closed their mouth. The sound of Kaeya’s footsteps was slowly getting closer, until y/n saw his shoes in front of them.

He was silent. No witty remark, not even a hello.

“Did someone do this?” Rosaria internally sighed. She shook her head. Kaeya tried to examine y/n, but their gaze was fixated on the floor and Rosaria was holding them close to her. However, this didn’t stop Kaeya from being observant. He had noticed the small flower petals, along with some drops of blood. It was probably even worse than it seemed, since it was likely that y/n tried to pretend nothing was wrong.

“I need to get some more petals, I’ll be right back. Kaeya, you stay with them.” Before anyone could respond, she was gone. Kaeya reacted quickly and had now wrapped his arms around y/n.

“Hm, I’d expect a little more of a vocal response. It's not every day you get to be this close to the Chivalry captain, right?”

“Not that impressive when I’ve never seen a single fucking horse in this city.” a heartfelt chuckle escaped his mouth, though it only lasted for a short period of time as y/n started coughing again. Kaeya gently propped them up so they were sitting up straight and would at least be able to breathe. He didn’t know what else to do, he felt so lost.

“Do you need anything?” he asked. Kaeya had a horrible feeling about this. He did have some knowledge about certain things when it came to illnesses. However, he didn’t want to believe it was that. It couldn’t be that, right?

“I’m fine, Kaeya. You don’t need to lie to me.”

“Oh, right, because throwing up blood is a regular occurence to you.” he sharply commented. Y/n rolled their eyes.

“Look, I’ll be okay. I’m sure you have better things to do.” the last thing y/n wanted to do was be a burden to him.

“As you said, I’m a chivalry captain who doesn’t have a single horse in possession.” he chuckled. “Besides, I never waste my time. If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be.” His facial expression was serious again. To be quite honest, it made y/n a little uneasy. Not because his presence made them uncomfortable, but they weren’t used to this very serious attitude. They stayed quiet for a while, not being sure of what else to say.

“Now, would you tell me who the lucky fellow is?” he asked, making y/n choke on the petal flower they were trying to swallow back in their throat. Kaeya was slightly surprised and he couldn’t help but laugh a little at their reaction while gently patting their back. Once they calmed down, they looked at Kaeya wide eyed. He had a small grin on his face as he slightly tilted his head sideways.

“So?” y/n shook their head.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Kaeya averted his gaze and looked at the flower petals and flowers on the ground.

“hm, calla lilies huh? That’s interesting…” he knows, was what went through their mind. He definitely knows. He’s just playing with their emotions at this point. Right?

“Y/n, look,” Kaeya took a deep breath. He clasped his shaky hands together as an attempt to hide his anxiety. “You don’t have to tell me who it is, just make sure to confess your feelings to this person. We can’t afford to lose you over a little crush.”

Kaeya couldn’t deny the fact that his first thoughts upon realizing that y/n had hanahaki disease made his heart drop a little. However, soon that feeling was washed away by him worrying about them and their health. He didn’t care that he wasn’t the one they were in love with, he just wanted them to be okay. And if that meant a future without him, so be it. Kaeya had experienced loss before, this wasn’t new and this was way more bearable.

Y/n bit their lip slightly. Realistically speaking, confessing your feelings to the person you like romantically should be a hundred times easier than having to bear this disease that will definitely kill you if you don’t.Something inside of her however, was making this incredibly difficult. Is Kaeya an ass sometimes? Definitely. But he was also a human with emotions, and y/n could tell this was affecting him too despite his efforts to hide that. Even if he didn’t feel the same way, things should be okay, right?

“R-remember that time Venti, Rosaria, you and I were at the tavern?” They decided to start off slow, in the hopes that it would make this easier. Kaeya nodded. He was looking at them, his full attention focused on them, and nothing else.

“And…. Rosaria said something about me liking you..” By this point Kaeya had already connected the dots. Y/n liked him. He wanted to be happy, but his mind was still focused on making sure Y/n was okay first.

“She wasn’t lying when she said that.” Y/n quickly added and released a breath they had been holding for what felt like forever. “I really, really like you.” silence followed the sudden confession. Y/n grew more and more nervous-- almost annoyed even. What was taking him so long?

Y/n heard a soft sigh released from Kaeya’s lips. They didn’t dare look at him and instead fixated their eyes on… nothing? Y/n was just staring into the void.

They didn’t notice a small smile grazing Kaeya's lips, they didn’t notice his eyes swelling with tears as realization hit as to why they were feeling so sick. They did feel his grip on them tighten. Kaeya removed one hand from y/n and gently held their chin between his thumb and index finger.

“Y/n,” his voice was low, and gentle yet still having the same teasing tone he always had whenever he spoke. It felt different this time though. “Look at me” he said as he gently guided their face to look at him. His touch was far from forceful, y/n could tell he would stop instantly if they turned their head back away from him. But they didn’t. Y/n looked at Kaeya, and their breathing stopped for a moment when the two made eye contact.

“You sure are dense to say the least, aren’t you?” He chuckled softly. “All of this pain, all of these problems you’ve had to deal with… You could’ve just told me how you felt.” Y/n ‘s heartbeat sped up as they started to realize what he was trying to get at.

“What do you mean by that?” They asked, their voice low. Kaeya let out a quiet snort, trying to mask it by scratching his throat afterwards.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, you sly little fox.” He said, unable to control the smile on his face. Y/n stifled a laugh and leaned slightly forward.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, care to enlighten me?” Kaeya was slightly surprised at their boldness but prepared nonetheless. He lowered his hand to their waist and gently pulled them closer.

“Well, I’d be honored to show you instead.”

[allthingskakashi]

• Bells and Balls •

[ Kakashi x Reader ]

Tags : NSFW, Smut

Words : 4.8k

A/n: I wrote over 4k words just to get some dick.

Okay sbsbajash idk I'd been working on this for like a whole week and i couldn't concentrate on anything unless i finished this lmao so here it is whatever, I can't drag this around anymore. Uhhh hope you like it I'm still not very good at writing smut im sorry. This takes place in the post Anbu and pre team 7 era and Kakashi’s a bit of an asshole but you know you still love him. This is also a little similar to my other fic ‘Yearning’ but here you get the s e x and i’m sorry if the characterization is bad, i put more focus on making it hot i guess ok ill shut up now i hope you like it

You give the sheet of paper in your hand one final glance, and look around the room. There’s a long line behind you and you’re surrounded by your fellow jounins, each here to submit their respective lists.

You were extremely happy with the performance of your team and didn’t have to think twice before passing them. You had no doubt that they would make wonderful shinobi. You looked forward to teaching and guiding them, and judging by the chatter around you, most other jounins had passed their teams too.

The trouble, however, remains with Kakashi Hatake.

A few weeks ago, you had all been named squad leaders and put in charge of a squad, and today was your very first day with your assigned teams. As instructed, each of you conducted a test for the genin and depending upon whether they passed or failed, the final list would be announced.

No one till date had ever passed Kakashi Hatake's infamous test, and everyone was sure that no one would this year either. Most genin trembled in fear of him, being aware of his strict methods.

And as it happens, at this moment, this infamous man is right in front you, standing with his back hunched forward as he hands his paper in to the woman behind the desk.

You wait for your turn, your eyes fixating on the red symbol on his vest as you wonder, ruefully, about the fate of the students he must have failed this time.

You take a step forward as he turns around, having submitted his paper, and the line moves up behind you.

Kakashi peeks briefly at your paper as he passes, letting out an audible scoff at the list in your hand before walking on ahead, hands tucked in his pockets.

You’re momentarily confused by this sudden act, but something is already starting to boil up inside you. You aren’t exactly known for being placid, nor for sitting by and allowing people to give you crap. Your eyebrows furrow as you hastily thrust your sheet onto the desk, before making your way to follow after him.

“Do you have a problem?” you call to his back as a few heads turn towards you.

He stops, taking his time turning back to look at you, half lidded eyes looking as indifferent as always.

His demeanour pushes you further to the edge and you take a few steps closer, craning your neck to meet his eyes, waiting for an answer.

“Well?”

He peers down at you unfazed, completely oblivious to the audience around you, as if they are not even there.

“You’re too soft”, he shrugs. “You don’t know how the shinobi world works” he says bluntly, piercing you with his unwavering gaze.

You glare back at him, your mouth twitching with the sled of retorts forming at the back of your tongue.

“Who gave you the right to—"

But he’s already turning away from you, your eyes meeting with the red symbol of his vest once again.

“Hey don’t you fucking walk away from me!” you yell, going forward to stop him, but he saunters on ahead without turning back; his scent lingering in the air as you stand there, watching his figure disappear slowly along the hallway, your fury seething inside you.

Who the fuck does he think he is?

--------------------------------------------------

 “Thank you! This is just what I needed.” you chime, digging into the hot bowl of ramen in front of you, your mouth salivating just at the look of it.

You take a big mouthful, revelling in the immediate burst of flavours on your tongue.

“Mmmm.” You moan, “You’ve outdone yourself, Ayame!”

The young girl smiles at you in delight, proceeding to serve you another helping.

You take another blissful bite, closing your eyes to relish the moment.

The streets are quiet around you except for the faint chirp of crickets, as is expected at this hour of the night. It must be past midnight by now, you’re not exactly sure.

You had been tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep. For some reason, the encounter with Kakashi from earlier today had you feeling bitter and edgy. You hated that he was in your head, you didn’t understand why. It wasn’t like you to be this bothered by some mindless comments from someone. You’d had altercations before, worse ones, but they were never enough to steal away your night’s sleep.

And yet, this time…

You had to do something to take the edge off, ideally punch him in the face, but since that was not the plausible choice, you settled for the next best thing. Going for a run and treating yourself to your favourite comfort food later.  

So here you are now, out at night all by yourself. The Ichiraku shop was still open, bless the lords.

You slurp some of the soup from the bowl and let out a loud smack of your lips.

You can feel your spirits lifting, and you’re glad for it. He wasn’t in your head after all, you were just having a bad day, that’s all.

You shift your focus back to the bowl in front of you, moaning and slurping as you go.

“Whoa there, Get a room.”

The sudden interruption of the familiar voice makes you stop cold.

Are you fucking kidding me?

You look up from your bowl, turning your head around to see none other than Kakashi Hatake, standing smug in all his glory.

The strange pang of bitterness is back in the depths of your stomach and you resist the urge to punch that smug look off his face.

“Ah, if it isn’t Kakashi Hatake, the all-knowing wisenheimer.” you say, your tone snide. “Say, don’t you have somewhere else to be? Some genin to fail?”

He comes around to take a seat on the stool beside you, a smirk evident through his mask, almost as if he’s enjoying this.

“I’ve already failed them” he smiles sweetly at you. “Worked up quite an appetite too.” He says, looking away from you to place his order.

You notice as Ayame notes his order down, the distinct shade of pink that tinges her cheeks as does, before turning away and disappearing into the supplies room at the back of the shop.

Ugh. What is with this guy? Why is it so….

You don’t realise you’re staring at him until he looks back at you, raising a questioning eyebrow. You supress your startlement at being caught, pretending as if you’d meant to be glaring at him.

“What the hell are you even doing out here so late?” you spurt, trying to sound irritated but it comes out sounding almost…concerned?

Thankfully, he doesn’t notice. “I could ask you the same.”

You look away, unwilling to answer. You were out here to get him out of your head, and now here you are, sitting beside him in a ramen shop while the entire village sleeps.

It almost feels like you’re the only two people in the world. The feeling makes something churn inside your stomach.

You dab your mouth with your napkin, before swivelling on the stool to face him. You look at him intently, studying his features. He stares back at you, as if waiting for you to say something.

“Why?” you ask, catching him off guard with it.

“Why what?”

“Why does no one pass your test? What’s so difficult about it?” you ask, gaze fixated on him. You expect him to look uncomfortable but he just shrugs.

“Why do you want to know?”

“I’m curious” you reply truthfully, watching him smirk at your answer.  

You hate it when he smirks, how his face looks when he’s being cocky.

Ugh.

He swivels in his chair now, turning his body towards you. “Is that so?”, he says through the smirk, resting his elbow on the counter and leaning in.

You don’t know why, but something about his tone and the way he leans in makes it difficult for you to breathe all of a sudden.

But you’re not one to be fazed.

“Yes” you reply, refusing to let yourself crumple under his gaze. Your voice comes out sounding hoarse, and you clear your throat.

He smirks wider at your reply and stretches the next words out.

“If you’re so curious…Why don’t you find out for yourself?”

Your heart thuds like clapper clanging against a bell. You resist the urge to gulp.

Was it this hot when I left the house?

You clear your throat again. “I don’t have the time to take part in your stupid games”

The smirk is adamant on his lips, his gaze unnerving.

He breathes, “Do you not have the time…or do you not have the balls?”

His tone is challenging. Or inviting. Or both, you’re not really sure, you’re not thinking straight anymore.

Your jacket is too hot against your skin, you writhe beneath the thick material.

Sliding off the stool, you walk slowly towards him, erasing the space in between you bit by bit with each step, until your bodies are a few inches away from touching. Your eyes bore into each other’s as if in silent battle. It’s your turn to smirk now.

“Training Grounds in 20 mins” you whisper. Despite the hitch in your breath, your voice is clear. “Don’t be late.”

You walk past him without breaking your gaze, brushing your shoulder against his arm as you walk by, perhaps a little harder than necessary, leaving Kakashi to stare after you.

--------------------------------------------------

You sit on the damp grass with your back against a tree, waiting. Your jacket lies in a puddle beside you.

You count the weapons in your bag, you hadn’t exactly come out prepared for a fight tonight. Two kunai knives, that’s all.

Would that be enough to take down the copy ninja? You hope so. There’s no way you’re letting him win. It’s time someone taught him a lesson and you would love to be that someone. The nerve of him…to actually challenge you.

He really needs to get a life. But then, here you are too…

Why am I here? What am I even doing?

You close your eyes and tilt your head back against the hard bark, your eyebrows furrowing the way they always do when you’re deep in thought.

Back at the shop… the way he spoke…the look in his eyes— God, Stop. Stop it.

Who the fuck cares about the look in his eyes?

Not me.

It’s okay. I’m good.

We’re here to teach this asshole a lesson. An asshole, that’s what he is. Insufferable and stupid and smug and ridiculously ho— horrible. Ridiculously horrible.

You take a deep breath, opening your eyes and standing up so fast that it makes your head dizzy for a brief second. You start walking around, jerking your arms and legs, stretching your neck, even slapping yourself a few times on the face to make yourself focus.

Yes, I need to focus. The lack of sleep is getting to me.

You crouch down to tighten your shoelaces, before getting up and starting some stretching exercises. Gotta loosen the muscles, make sure you have full flexibility. After all, taking on Kakashi Hatake all by yourself is probably not going to be a piece of cake.

You look down to check your attire: running shorts and a tank top, not fully ideal but it’ll do.

You’re bent over, in the midst of doing rotating toe touches when your eyes fall upon a silhouette far ahead, nearing closer and closer. You pause, standing up straight with your hands on your hips as the figure walks slowly towards you, a faint jingling noise ringing through the air, as Kakashi finally comes near enough for you to make out his face in the dim light.

“Late as always” you say, crossing your arms over your chest.

Kakashi stands a few feet away from you, holding something in one hand, other hand inside his pocket. He’s not wearing his jacket anymore either, you observe.

“Sorry, had to go get this” he says, holding up what looks like two small bells with strings attached.

You squint at it, coming closer to get a better look. “What the hell is that?”

“Bells”, he smiles. “That’s the test. You have to get these bells from me. You can use any attack you want but… since you’re not a genin, I’ll raise the stakes a little higher for you. You cannot use ninjutsu or genjustu. It has to be purely physical attacks. You have till dawn.”

This little fucker. He knows taijutsu is not my strong point.

But fine. If that’s how he wants to play this, so be it. I’m taking him down one way or another.

“Dawn?” you chuckle, fixing him with your gaze. “I don’t need till dawn” you sneer, coming forward with a kick aimed to his head. He blocks it just as you’re about to make contact, grasping your ankle in his strong hold.

“I didn’t say start yet” he says through a smirk, letting go of your foot.

You take a few steps backwards, glowering at him as he ties the bells to a loop on his trousers. They hang over his thighs with a jingle, silver metal glimmering in the moonlight.

He looks back up at you, eyes twinkling with an unusual sparkle.

There’s that look again…

“Go” he commands, his body tensing up into a defensive stance immediately, ready for you.

You fix your gaze on the shiny metal of your goal and hurl yourself forward, your arms meeting each other’s in blows and defences. You throw a few kicks to his stomach, making him tumble but not enough to knock him out.

You shift your stance, before directing another punch to his face; he deflects it, sniggering.

Okay okay okay, I’m not focusing. I need to focus.

You take a deep breath.

Kakashi stands waiting, his features emanating pure amusement.

You feel a restlessness brewing within you, a strange energy buzzing through your veins. You’d been itching to punch him in the face and now’s your chance.

You watch him, mentally calculating all your options. His silver hair shines like moonbeams in the dark.

FOCUS.

Drawing a kunai from your bag, you lunge forward, distracting him with a kick to the head as your kunai slashes through the air, just about to cut across the strings when— your hand is caught in his grasp, a ‘slap!’ cutting through the air as his palm clasps around your wrist.

He bores into you, your wrist held firmly in his hand as he turns you around swiftly, gripping both your wrists at the back.

You feel the muscles of his chest against your body as he comes closer, the metal bells hanging over his leg brushing against your fingertips behind you.

You wriggle your hands, trying to break free but it’s in vain. His grip is firm, slender fingers digging into your skin as he leans into your ears, his warm breath tickling your skin.

“Not so fast” he whispers, his lips almost brushing the top of your ears.

The words send a shudder through your spine. You feel the black sky closing in on you, there’s a hum springing through your veins.

He loosens his grip as your hands fall, the kunai held limply in your hand. You turn around, your heart skipping a beat at how close he is to you. You feel your resolve weakening.

No.

No.

Stop.

Your hand flies to the collar of his shirt, the other hand holding the kunai to his throat as you push him backwards with your body, your eyes blazing into his.  

Keeping the kunai at his throat, you lower your other hand slowly, brushing it down his chest, his muscles taut under your hand. You trail your hand down along the line of his sternum, down the firmness of his stomach and further down, your fingers lightly caressing the bulge of his trousers before they almost make contact with the bells alongside, right there, just a flick away—

so close—

Before your wrist is caught in a sudden, fast clutch again.

His grip is much stronger this time, unyielding, hungry. Your bones ache beneath his hold.  

You watch something ignite in his eyes as his shoulders rise and fall in rhythm to your heaves. You suddenly realise how out of breath you are.

In the flash of a moment, Kakashi grips your kunai holding hand, holding it away from his throat as he pushes you, the weight of his body pressing onto yours as your feet scrape along the ground, stumbling backwards till your back slams against a tree, the force making your body jolt. The kunai slips from your hand.

His arms pin you defenceless against the tree, his gaze holding you hostage, burning through your skin.

The touch of his skin against yours feels alien. When was the last time you felt the warmth of someone’s skin? You cannot recall.

He’s so close to you, you cannot see anything beyond him.

In the dark, under the moonlight, the edges of his face look softened.

A wind passes by, the sound of rustling leaves filling through the silence. A volcano erupts within you.

Now.

You gulp. Up this close, you can make out the outline of his mouth.

Now.

Your lips press into Kakashi’s in a desperate lurch, your neck straining to meet him as far as his grip on you allows. Your heart explodes like firecrackers inside your chest as your tongue pushes against the cloth of his mask, demanding to be let in.

You feel his grip loosen around your wrists as the mask is off and he reciprocates, his lips on yours, his hand gripping your chin up as his tongue moves in fervent swirls inside your mouth.

A thousand questions swarm inside your head, buzzing but you’re not being controlled by your head anymore. You can feel the thud of his chest against your own.

He trails his hand down to your throat, holding you in place, other hand exploring every edge and curve of your body before it snakes down the waistband of your shorts, down the elastic of your underwear.

You gasp, arching your back as you feel the touch of his long fingers down there, moaning helplessly into his mouth as he rubs along your wet entrance in rapid strokes.

Your head is a dizzy mess of jumbled emotions as yearning overpowers your senses, your previous resolve weakening into a mushy puddle with every stroke and thrum of his fingers inside you.

He pulls away from your mouth to leave sloppy kisses down your neck, his tongue painting patterns along your skin as you catch a glimpse of his face and you see it— his face, glowing under the moonlight. And you realise.

He’s…beautiful.

An overwhelming ache breaks through your senses, creating a frenzied whirlwind of passion and agony in your mind. Your detestation for him crumbles into pieces underneath the weight of your desire, as you realise…

You don’t hate him.

You never did.

Not even close.

Not even a little bit.

Not even at all.

You pull his face up to meet your lips again, planting urgent kisses on his mouth as your hands tease the hem of his shirt. His fingers slip out of you and you can feel the wetness of your panties, soaked through with arousal.

“Kakashi…” you whisper in pleasure as he looms over you, your foreheads touching, out of breath and heaving with exhilaration. His eyes burn with the same passion that you feel inside.

“We can’t…shouldn’t…here…people...” you mutter in struggled breaths, as he plants another kiss to your lips, the sparks from it fogging your mind

“Since when do you care about people?” he whispers against your ear, his raspy voice enough to strip you off of all your remaining sense and judgement.

You pull his shirt over his head in one swift motion, throwing it to the ground beside as he follows, taking off your shirt and then unhooking your bra, tossing both away as his hands reach for you in hungry clutches.

His hands caress your breasts, pressing them and pulling on your hardened nipples, his mouth following soon after. His lips lock around them, sucking hard as you bury your face into his broad shoulders, biting lightly to keep yourself from screaming.

You sink your fingers into his hair, tugging softly as his mouth moves in a wet trail further down your body, strands of his hair tickling your stomach as he goes, his hands tugging your panties, sliding them down the curves of your hips.

Your heart thuds in your ears as Kakashi sits crouching in front of you, parting your legs. He looks up at you, as if asking for your permission, and you give it to him by pulling the back of his head closer between your legs.

He puts your right leg over his shoulder, spreading you for him, his other hand clutching the back of your left thigh as his mouth teases you down there.

The tip of his tongue flicks at your entrance, before it finds your weakest spot, and you feel your body shuddering, barely able to keep your balance.

You tug at his hair harder as his tongue moves skilfully inside you, fingers rubbing your swollen clit simultaneously. You feel every nerve ending in your body come alive as you moan out his name “K-Kakashi…” through trembling lips.

Your insides shudder and a deep moan forms at the back of your throat, threatening to escape as Kakashi puts his hand over your mouth, before pulling you down on top of him with a sudden tug.  

You come down with a thud on his thighs, your body jolting with the force as you watch him in front of you, the copy ninja… bare bodied and heaving in front of your eyes.

Who would have thought…

You straddle him, admiring his unclad torso, before pushing his shoulders down with your hands, making him lie back on the grass as you stoop over him. His eyes are fixated on you, pure pleasure making itself known on his face.

He really is beautiful.

You bend forward, your mouth exploring the smoothness of the skin on his chest, as a strange cold feeling down there distracts you.

You look down, squinting in the dark to find yourself sitting on two glimmering metal balls placed over his thigh.

The bells.

A thrill runs through your nerves as you smirk, glancing up at him.

He’s noticed it too.

His eyes return the same sparkle of mischief as yours as he lies still, waiting.

You press your hands down on his chest, locking your gaze with his as you position yourself over the bells, tilting your head back as you move back and forth over them.

The cold metal of the bells rubs against you, sending tremors through your entire body.

Your gaze at Kakashi again, watching him squirm at the sight of you, his hands twitching to feel your skin.

You keep your eyes on him as you slide down slightly on his thigh, tugging his trousers down as you go. Your hands find the base of his cock as you allow yourself to admire his throbbing length.

He leans his head back on the grass and you feel him getting harder in your hands.

Forming your hand into a fist around him, you move it up and down along his shaft in slow steady strokes, leaning down to bring your mouth closer to his tip, before swirling your tongue in circles around his skin.

His hips tremble as he clutches onto the grass, writhing.

Your lips clasp around his cock, mouth slurping up and down his length, taking your time sliding down to the base and back up, your hands following suit.

You tease him, switching between the tip of your tongue and your whole mouth, sending sparks of pleasure shooting through him.

He quivers and you sit back up, bending forward over his face and pressing your lips on his. A groan from his mouth erupts inside yours as he clutches your hips.

His hands guide your hips back and forth over his length, your lips trembling as he slips into you, his cock finally inside you, pushing into you, filling you as deep as you can be filled.

A new rush of pleasure burns through your senses, your insides stretching as you move your hips around him, back and forth and then in circles.

“A-a-ah...mm…yeah…”, your muffled moans cut through the depths of the forest in the silence of the night.

Kakashi breathes your name, the eruption of your name from his lips enough to send you to a frenzy, filling your heart with drunken fervour.

You moan his name back in reply, hopping up and down on him as his arm snakes behind your waist and he flips you over in a sudden, swift movement, the weight of his body falling over you now.

You arch your back, pushing your hips up to meet his, unwilling to break away even for a second.

You want him so, so bad.

The pointy peaks of grass underneath poke your skin, your nails digging into his back as he nibbles on your neck, thrusting deep, deep into you.

You feel the familiar shudder from earlier again, your mind getting clouded with waves of pleasure coursing through you. Kakashi’s grunts quaver in your ear as you feel his hips jerk in tune to yours.

There’s a tantalizing jolt of ecstasy through your body as you scream out, your quivering voice matching his grunts as you both put a hand over the other’s mouth, your muffled moans melting into each other’s skin. He quivers inside you for a final time before you feel him slipping out of you, as hot wet cum trickles along the insides of your thighs, dripping into the dewy grass beneath.

Droplets of sweat from his hair drips down on you, tasting salty in your mouth. You heave together in exhaustion as he plops down on you, before rolling to the side.

You lie on your back panting, your entire body damp with sweat.

Languor threatens to take over you as you struggle to keep your eyes open, looking up into the night sky.

You see a firefly glowing above your head. You lift a lazy hand to reach it, but it flies away far above, becoming one with the twinkling stars in the sky.

Soft sounds of Kakashi’s breath echo beside you, his foot still touching yours lightly as the both of you lie heaving under the stars.

He turns his head to look at you and you can feel his eyes on you as you try, with all the fibres in your body, to not look back at him.

You know you won’t be able to hold yourself together any longer if you do.

He extends a hand towards you. “That was…”

“Sshhh… Shut up” you say in a slumberous whisper, moving closer into his arm, putting your own around him, your head buried into chest as you feel your eyes getting heavy…not able to stay awake anymore. You feel Kakashi envelope you in his arms, the warmth from his skin against the cold air lulling you to sleep, your mind becoming foggy as you close your eyes, slowly drifting off somewhere far, far away…

--------------------------------------------------

Your eyes open to the chirping of birds perched on the branches above, rays of morning light casting a rosy glow in the horizon.

You watch the half light in the distance, rubbing your eyes, smiling to yourself.

The night had taken with it the black clouds of denial fogging your mind, your heart is as clear as day now.

You turn your head just in time to see Kakashi opening his eyes, his eyes puffy, imprints of grass marking his soft cheek.

You smile at him as he looks at you, lips curled into a sleepy smile. “Good morning” he yawns, tapping over his mouth with his palm.

“I won.”

“Hmm?” he asks groggily, eyes still adjusting to the light.

You hold up the two small bells in front of him, they jingle over his face.

He chuckles. “I don’t think so. It’s past dawn”

“I took them off before. I won.”

He laughs again, his face lighting up in a way you’d never seen before. He looks even more beautiful in the daylight.

“In all fairness y/n, there are no losers here.”

You laugh along with him now, reaching across and smoothening the imprints on his cheek, keeping your hand there, cupping his cheek.

“So, I passed?” you ask, looking at him, inching closer.

He looks back at you, with the same look from earlier in his eyes.

But you’re not turning yourself blind to it anymore.

“Top of the class” he laughs, pulling you closer, nuzzling your nose with his before pressing his lips into yours.

Notes :-

Did I quote 10 Things I Hate About You on a Kakashi Smut?

Yes, yes i did.

[mc-the-bunny]

Okay so hear me out this is my first ever story...

Have mercy on me please :')...

So i had the thought about lucifer being a winemom. And even though i dont particularly like lucifer i was thinking....

What if he would masterbate with the wine bottle and then mc walks 😳🍷

The story:

It had been a long tough day for lucifer.

All day he had been swarmed by paperwork,meetings, bills from mammon and Asmodeus buying things and making sure you dont get eaten or lose interest in him. After all he couldnt bare the thought of you losing interest in him or even worse you dying..

that would be the scariest thing happening to him after lilith died..

beel had also eaten everything in the house twice today. In response this had send satan in a rage, he had punched holes in cabinets and walls.

So now not only lucifer had paperwork he also had to scold satan, which was no easy task. The blonde demon had flung at him so many times (one hitting his abdominal area) before Lucifer could finally get him under control. He lifted his clothing up to reveal a nasty bruise grunting at the touch.

He would deal with satan later.

He also had to Prepare the repairing spells which required special ingredients they didnt have anymore due to beel eating everything including several dishes... So he'd have to go search for the ingredients.... Sigh* why doesnt akuzon have tge ingredients lucifer thinks while scroling to look if they did...

Akuzon had a lot from the east indian special black and red inc he used to the stuff his brothers bought. But sadly no spell ingredients... He could ask solomon if he could get some of the ingredients but he knew solomon would probably want to make a pact with him in return.... Not that he would ask for help otherwise, after all the Avatar of pride didnt need help from a sorcerer.

He walked up to his liquor cabinet

( which was massive)

First he had to drink some demonius to lighten his headache. (and stresslevels because lets be honest the poor man works way to much)

grabbed a bottle of demonius and sat back down behind his desk drinking straight from the bottle.

He hadnt even bothered to pore it into a glass because he would end up drinking the whole bottle anyways.

(bottles and time passed)

3 bottles of demonius later and lucifer finally felt at ease. His alcohol tolerance was naturally very high so if he really wanted to get black out drunk like mammon and Asmodeus sometimes did at parties he would have to at least drink 6 bottles of demonius.

No the 3 bottles just left him tipsy and on edge, feeling like he wanted to have some sexual gratification.

he took the empty bottle of demonius and looked at the shape. The bottles in the devildom (and human world) didnt look to different from those weird toys he saw Asmodeus walking with a few times.

He smirked opening his drawer he took some orgasm gel out. It was the gel he had wanted to use with mc, mc however was already wet enough on their own for him. Dripping down their legs before lucifer even entered them.

He smiled.

However he wasnt going to be dependent on some human to satisfy him.

He didnt want you to think he needed you.

No he was going to satisfy himself with this bottle of demonius, that was now covered in gel. He undid his pants, pulled off his underwear,

and let his hardening member jump out. He putting it on his desk and started to roll the cold bottle back and forth slowly.

his cock hardening at the temperature difference of the bottle. "Fuck " he muttered while pleasuring himself.

He would've been more than embarrassed if anyone would ever know what he was doing, no this was something only he would ever know about.

The only reason he didn't cum was because he didnt want the paperwork to be dirty with his cum. He would never stoop so low.

No he would never.

After massaging his cock with the bottle until it turned the temperature of his skin he looked at the bottle again.

Another idea popped up in his head.

The top looked to be the similar shape of the dildo he had bought recently for mc.

They had been very thankful and thrilled to try it out.

So curious that they couldnt wait to try it and he ended up watching them masterbate in front of him. He shouldve filmed it.

Such a gorgeous delicious sight should be filmed after all he thought.

He'd have to ask mc next time if he could film it.

Their moans of that night had flooded his senses remembering the lovely noises they had made, they seemed to feel so good with that toy inside their ass cumming on his sofa in his secret study.

He walked over to the sofa and looked.

mcs cum still visible on the dark red velvet.

He smirked positioning himself on the sofa ass up.

putting gell on the other side of the bottle now before slowly sliding the bottle in his ass.

A fairly loud moan escaped his mouth.

Its a good thing he had casted a spell to make this room sound proof for the time being otherwise his brithers might of heard him.

No that would be unbearable. They would definitely tease him over it, and his pride would be more shattered than ever.

Due to the orgasm gel his slit around it quite easily. He positioned himself feeling the cold glass reach deeper and deeper in his ass.

His body now felt like it was on fire with pleasure. Another loud moan escaped his mouth. Then he started thrusting the bottle in and out of his ass.

He could feel a orgasm going through his body at high speed.

Faster and faster rougher and rougher. As long as he was in control he didn't care how rough it was.

(nothing to rough for this sadist)

The sounds of his moan increasing in volume with every thrust.

He felt pure pleasure as he felt he was going to cum, he had preps for that to happen however and he Swiftly took the other empty bottle of demonius as he cummed into the bottle.

Putting the full bottle of cum to the side.

He was going to keep thrusting for a littke more he thought.

"Lucifer?"

Lucifer stiffened at hearing your voice, and looked at you like a deer in the headlights.

"what are you doing?"

"Nothing i i was doingbpaperwork "

"with that bottle up your ass? "

You couldnt help but laugh.

Not in a humiliation way but it was the last thing you had expected to walk into when opening his door.

After the knocking was left unanswered you had stepped in only to find lucifer with a bottle of demonius up his as and flushed cheecks as red as apples.

I can explain lucifer quickly pulled the bottle out and sad up, his pride scattered and fearfully awaiting your reaction. What was he thinking not putting a spell on the lock!?.

He would have to wash those bottles secretly later.

washing would be safer due to nosey brothers . you would never be sure if anyone found the bottles or would stumble upon it by accident.

They woukdve immediately known who the bottles had belonged to, after all lucifer was the only one having multiple bottles of demonius on him at all times.

"Lucifer, im sorry for laughing my beloved. Its just that i hadnt expected to find you.. In such state"

... Lucifer fell silent. he felt like his life was over. he was beating himself up for letting this happen.

What would you think of him now?

Would you turn away? He would never get over it if you did.

Sensing his worry you walk up to him and put a arm around his shoulder (not knowing if you should put them on his cock instead)

"Lucy i understand"

You smile at him.

With bewilderment in his eyes he looks at you.

"You do? "

"Yes lucy babe i do, you were under so much stress today. i already thought you had forgotten our date tonight so i initially came to remind you of it "

"im so sorry mc i shouldnt forget -"

"no its okay Lucy its not your fault"

You looked over to the second bottle of demonius on the ground, seeing what you were almost sure to be Lucy's cum in it.

"It is mc how can i apologise? "

"Ill take that bottle"

before he can say no or even think about it you grab the bottle crawl to the corner of the sofa and smell the liquid in it.

Now emerged with the smell of the last bits of demonius his cum smelled like some sort of delicate wine.

"hhhmmmmm it smells so good lucy darling"

He looks at you in shock for a bit but as soon as he realises you dont judge him for masterbating with a bottle he loosens up.

"Does it now my beloved? "

You look up happily

"Yes"

Lucifer chuckles he tries to take the bottle back but you see it comming and quickly run to the other side of the room.

"Nuh uh its mine now lucy"

Lucifer scoffs and makes his way over to you.

Before he can reach you however you already started drinking his cum out of the bottle. Your eyes still fixated on his to see his reaction.

He looks at you before regrouping himself and making his way over to you.

You run to the other side before you continue drinking his cum wine.

"Hmmm mm hmmmmmm, if water tasted like this i would definitely drink enough on a day"

"Mc, stop this weird behavior at once and hand me the bottle..

before i punish you."

He reaches to grab you but having spend so much time with mammon you know how to avoid getting caught. Running further.

Lucifer can't help but smirk, after all hes secretly really proud of you and himself. After all you said his cum is delicious and are getting quite protective.

it is as if lucifer has to take candy from a child.

"Be a good girl and finish it all then"

Your eyes sparkle in excitement

*Really lucy? Thank you!! "

You sit down on the sofa again tired from running around. Lucifer sits besides you rubbing your back waiting for you to finish it all.

You do finish it surprisingly fast and put down the empty bottle. You want to hug him but-

Lucifer grips your hands and handcufs them

"Lucy?"

"yes darling"

he smirks biting your ear softly.

You squeel

"Lucy what are we going to do? We have to be at the restaurant at 6 remember?"

He positions you in a way your but is sticking up. He squeezes it and this draws a moan from your mouth.

"I remember that, we still have 3 hours"

"but-" you stammer.

"i said i would punish you

so be prepared sitting might hurt a bit in the restaurant. "

He says as he takes out his whip ready to spank you senseless for not obeying him.

I hope you enjoyed.

Im sorry for spelling errors im dyslexic😣