#i hate spn by the way please understand this. do not get it twisted

[johndonneswife]

aaaaarrrrggghhhhhhdjjfigjfi he was literally an angel of the lord who dragged a repressed homosexual man (!!!) out of hell and then fell in love with him (!!!!!!) and rebelled against heaven and committed literal genocide for him and furthermore helped kill THEE literal Abrahamic God with him ?!?!?! like what is not clicking…how can you watch this show and be normal…how are you immune to the cw’s supernatural…with banger lines like ‘you draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human…’ and ‘when castiel first laid a hand on you in hell he was lost’ and ‘you came off the line with a crack in your chassis. you have never done what you were told’ and ‘the worst part was dean, trying so hard to be loyal, with every instinct telling him otherwise’ and ‘i cared about the whole world because of you…’ etc and so on and so forth…like how are you immune to the unbelievably depressing queer narrative spn writers unintentionally created while they were busy writing the worst show of all time…do you not yearn? we are not the same…they literally sent castiel to nothingness until the end of time all bc he was a little fruity and then dean was like ‘hmm i think im done living now bc i miss cas :-(‘ and died on a RUSTY NAIL after years of fighting literal angels and demons and dying and being brought back to life from literal HELL…while his straight boring whitebread brother lived a long and happy normal life with his wife and children…like what more could you possibly want from a tv show…hashtag love is only for the brave 🌈

[jawritter]

The Fine Line Between Love And Hate

Summary: You love the man he was, not the man he is now, so why does he still affect you this way.

Rating: Explicit

Created For: @spndarkbingo

Square Field: Hatred

Beta’d by @deanwanddamons <3

Pairing: Michael!Dean Winchester x Reader

World Count: 1597

Warnings:  Hatred, obviously lol. Smut, unprotected sex, slight breading kink, some knife play, blood, spn level gore, bondage, blood, language, I think that’s it.

A/N: This is actually my first time writing Michael!Dean, lol. So go easy on me y’all. Please do not copy my work!! Feedback is golden!

**MASTERLIST**   ~  **BECOME A PATREON**

The first thing you are aware of is the throbbing headache that radiates through your skull, all the way down to the back of your neck. The more alert you become, the more you realize that there are thick, heavy chains holding your arms above your head The chains are  tied to a pole in the center of what looked to be an old, abandoned church. 

The only thing you could  think about  through the pain that seemed to be seeping  into your brain, and fogging your judgements, was to test the stability of your restraints. Pulling on the chains with all your might, you let out a huff of frustration when they didn’t give at all, staying secured tightly to the pole. 

From the corner of the room you couldn’t see, a deep chuckle resounded from the throat of the man you once loved. Micheal walked around to where you could see him, adorning your boyfriend's meat suit that he’d prettied up in a suit, and a butcher's apron. 

“Glad to see you decided to join us, Y/N. I was just beginning to worry I’d struck you too hard back there. Your kind is so fragile after all.” 

You swallowed down the bile that rose in your throat at the sounds of Dean’s  smooth, deep trimble, and glared at the face of the man that you loved so much. The man that was so familiar, yet so foreign  all at the same time. He may have looked like Dean, but everything about him screamed that he wasn’t Dean. From the tone of his voice, to his wide eyes, all the way down his well dressed body, to his tall and proud stance. 

“What’s wrong? You don’t like the look?” he chided in what was intended to be a playful manner, but it did nothing but make your blood boil. “I personally think Dean here cleans up pretty good for a human.”

You said nothing, just maintained eye contact with the pale green eyes that were staring into yours. You were trying to find any sign, any little thing that said Dean was still in there, still alive, but so far all you could see was a blank, empty canvas of what your boyfriend once was. That spark that only Dean carried had been snuffed out by the arch angel that was wearing his body, and it made you, if possible, even sicker to see it. 

“Not much of a talker are we? That’s funny, because you were always pretty boisterous in the bedroom with Dean here,” he said with a sneer that made you shiver against the cold draft drafting that flowed through the holes that littered the walls of the old church. 

“Fuck you, Micheal,”  you spat, venum thick in your voice, but the angel didn’t seem to notice or care. “You lied! You lied to Dean, and I’m going to figure out a way to get you out of him. He doesn’t belong to you!”

Micheal threw Dean’s head back in a humorless laugh, picking up a large knife off the table that stood in front of the altar, eyeing it curiously as he twisted the blade between two fingers, before cold dead eyes met your gaze again. 

“He’s still in here you know, screaming for me to let you go,” Micheal said, making lazy strides over to where you were chained, running the cold blade of the knife down your collar bone, leaving a thin red line in its wake that stung as blood started to trail down your bare body. “He’s normally pretty content on his little hamster wheel of a reality I’ve created for him, but as soon as he heard your voice back at that hotel he started clawing at the cage.”

Micheal’s gaze followed the red liquid as it made it’s decent over your breast, and down your stomach. The wound wasn’t deep enough to kill you, or cause you to bleed to death. It was only intended to scare you, but you were past fear. It  no longer existed in your way of thinking. The only thing you could feel as you stared at Micheal was pure, white hot hate.

“So let me go,” you tell him coldly. “Maybe then he will settle down for you again.”

If you could just get some backup, you’d try and take this mother fucker down, but you had to do it without hurting Dean, and that was the part that would be tricky.

“Oh no. You see, Dean in here, he misses you, craves you even. Even though he’s usually pretty happy, his body still longs for yours. Like you're connected on a level that was never established in my world. If I’m going to bring purity and order to this world, I need to understand this connection.”

Micheal stepped closer to you, running a finger through your clevage and the trail of blood there as he stopped. Your body shivered at the contact of Dean’s skin against your own. Even though your mind knew it was not your Dean, your body didn’t seem to care.It just craved the warmth of the man you’d been missing. 

“I’ve got to say, the control that sex can give you seems quite intising. Especially when it’s laced with so much loathing. I feel it coming off of you right now.” 

Pressing the sharp tip of the knife against your skin, he cut a small knick right above your pulsepoint, then licked the little beads of blood away with his warm tongue. 

You had to bite back the moan that almost slipped past your defenses as your thighs tightened on their own in search of friction against the frustration building in your core as his  teeth grazed your throat, leaving a smeared blood trail in his wake. 

You pulled against the restraints as your pulse quickened with each new little cut he made over the top of your breast, letting the blood trail down over your nipples, before his fingers twisted and twerked them, getting them to stand at  full attention.Your cunt throbbed with each twerk of Dean’s fingers against your sensitive  flesh, and slick gathered uncomfortably at your thighs under his administration. Your body was calling out to the man you loved, but you hated the one controlling him more than anything you had ever killed as a hunter. 

When he was fully satisfied with his work, he sat the knife down beside him, and started to strip away the crisp suit he was adorning on Dean’s solid body, each layer falling to the floor, as his eyes raked over bare skin that was blood stained, sweat glistening lightly  in the dim light from the candles he had lit around the old decrepit  sanctuary. You hated the way your body seemed to be screaming for him, begging for him to touch you like he used to, stretch you out in a way only Dean could. 

“Dean’s enjoying this you know.You should just sit back and do the same,” Micheal said, stroking Dean’s length as he stepped up to where you were standing, kicking your legs apart with his feet as he slipped the tip of Dean’s leaking tip through your dripping folds. 

“I hate you,” you spat at him, but Micheal seemed unfazed, filling you up in one harsh thrust to the brim and making you both groan at the feeling of Dean’s body filling your own, your walls already fluttering around his greedily. 

“Oh Y/N,” Micheal said. Dean’s voice strained the way he used to when you were together this way, as he held himself still for a moment. “There’s such a fine line between love and hate. Your lips say you hate this, but that greedy little pussy of yours,” pulling out almost all the way, he slammed back in, “begs to differ.” 

He was right, and he knew it.There was nothing you could say to disagree with him when he was buried so deep inside of your body, pounding into you at a relentless pace, sweat mixing with blood and your back scraping against the pole you were tied to. Dean’s length hit all the right places, like he’d  done so many times before. 

Every cell in your body seemed to be vibrating with each pass of his manhood through your heat, and when your orgasm washed over the both of you, all hate was forgotten for a moment.All that remained, was the bliss that washed over you in waves as Micheal spilled his seed deep inside of your womb. Dean’s lips smirked as you fell apart around his length. 

Micheal’s mind taunted the man trapped in his head.  Dean screamed over and over again. He was thinking of what the  two of you had just created that would help him take over the world. You may never love Micheal, and he knew that, but you loved Dean and he’d use that until your job was done. Then he’d kill you, just like he was going to kill everyone his father ever created with his own son at his side. He’d then be God.

Forever Tags: @deanwanddamons​ @rvgrsbrns​ @bi-danvers0​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @i-love-superhero​ @akshi8278​ @lyss-dw79​ @magssteenkamp​ @lemondropirwin​ @squirrelnotsam​ @hobby27​ @spnbaby-67​ @mrsjenniferwinchester​ @defenderrosetyler​ @screechingartisancashbailiff​ @thecreatiivecorner​  @aflamboyanceofgays @vicmc624​ @busy-bee-angel-misska​ @justanotherwinchester​ @brilovesdeanwinchester​ @idksupernatural​ @lyarr24​ @amandamdiehl​ @love-jackles-37-blog​ @miraclesoflove​ @Waywardsistershy @emoryhemsworth​ @dean-winchesters-gardian-angel​ @softsebastian​ @tatted-trina6​ @deanmonandnegansbitch​ @hayleeharling​   @flamencodiva​ @coldmuffinbanditshoe​ @bxbyizzy @dirty-pan-goblin​ @itmejado​ @supernatural3002​ @teresa-67​ @thoughts-and-funnies​ @hearteyes-j2​ @miss-nerd95​

[thegeminisage]

So like, I was just thinkin bout Dean n John today and if Mary and him were in the boys adult lives again (as per the latest season,) what wud the dynamic be?bcus John doesnt NEED Dean like he used to so I think certain pressureswouldn't be there anymore but hed still be controlling of Dean and try to dictate or manipulate his independence, right? Like those abuse dynamics don't rlly go away but manifest differently, I'd assume?

YES yes yes yes sorry in advance this is going to get so much longer/more off-topic than u bargained for, but like okay i’ve said before i think that half of john’s problem is that he didn’t have mary to be there and be his “john don’t” person for when he’s being a huge asshole. and it’s actually really wild writing this fic i’m doing rn where they’re all under the same roof again bc now that john has mary most of his REASON to be such an asshole is gone, but it’s already sort of solidified itself as habit. so i’ve actually been having a really wild time trying to figure out where he’d push things and be his worst self and where he’d sort of agree to stow his crap because mary is standing next to him and What Else Matters Except Mary

i like to think that since mary was such a distant, hard person sometimes, that to match that john before her death was someone who was very kind and giving and emotionally available - that sam and dean’s natural aptitude for empathy and kindness, in a terrible twist of irony, came from the person who was arguably the one to treat them with the most cruelty

it’s more fun for me if john really was a genuinely good person once upon a time, not because #johnrights or anything but because it’s sort of an example of how easy it would be for sam and dean, who are also good people, to lose themselves and turn into the kind of monster he was. and they ARE capable of being terrible - in fact, i’d argue that john makes sam and dean the worst versions of themselves. when he’s around, kind gentle mild-mannered sam’s temper is on a very shouty and aggressive hair-trigger, and stubborn determined asshole dean becomes a passive people-pleaser. many times when sam and dean fight, it comes back to the different ways john raised them and repeatedly inadvertently pitted them against each other

and also on that note, i do think, for all that i rage about hating 14.13, that john’s character was done best out of any of them - he was teary and fully prepared to self-flagellate (a form of deflecting guilt by making the person you’ve hurt want to stop airing their own grievances so they can console/reassure you, and we know from his journal john is a master at deflecting guilt) and also he was not at all mad about anything anymore BECAUSE HE HAD MARY BACK

it’s sort of like dean in season 13 - in the span of just a few episodes, he goes from wanting to kill jack and kill himself to being the happy-go-lucky fella we see during the brokebacknatural episode. cas comes back and it’s like a switch flipped - it’s practically a full 180 overnight. john and mary’s love story is as real and important to them as dean and cas’s is to us. so once john gets mary back, yeah, no, not only does he not NEED dean anymore, but the source of his pain (losing his wife) has almost completely dried up. so like.......god what is he even LIKE now, you know? what is he like with sam and dean??

you know how in season 12 dean is talking on the phone to cas and he’s like “please help me i literally don’t know how to act around my own mother”? probably like that, except in mary’s case there was no old habit to fall back on, and in john’s case they do still have their old dynamic of drill sergeant/soldiers 

(it’s also important to remember i think that john is only Nice John WHEN HE HAS MARY. if uh for any reason mary takes some issue with his parenting choices and decides she needs a break, i think it’s very likely john would immediately seek out dean to be his mary-replacement again, and lean too hard on him just like he did for all those years she was gone)

but even though john’s MEANNESS is reduced to almost nothing (comparatively lol) when mary is around, i don’t think his levels of ENTITLEMENT would change. that’s a hard 22-year habit to break. like he’ll come back and boo-hoo about how sorry he is about sam and dean ending up where they are (again, this is self-flagellation/deflection) but he’d also feel he had every right to know all about their lives now, what they did when he was gone, a right to tell them what to do now - less in an “ordering” sense and more in a “i know best” sense, but the result is the same. bc of course he would also still think he absolutely knows better than they do even though at this point they’d be practically the same age. 

and like: obviously sam would push against that assumption bc he always has, but i think dean would struggle a lot bc he’s grown up and grown out of his dad’s shadow, and he has people in his life besides john and sam now so he doesn’t have to white-knuckle them so tightly, but he also doesn’t know any...other way to be. like when mary comes back. wtf do we do now, you know??

and speaking of sam: i definitely don’t think dean’s going to be the mediator between sam and john anymore. firstly because sam is old enough now and has had enough distance to understand how that all screwed dean up and is not the sort of person who would want to add to his brother’s pain, but ALSO because i think grownup sam would see letting john piss him off as letting john “win.” post 5.22 sam has sort of mastered his anger issues, and he values self-control so highly as a way to cope with his trauma that letting john provoke him into losing that control would upset him and he’d do everything in his power to avoid it. so no more fighting for them, and no more mediating for dean.

so like, to answer your question finally, i think it would probably be like the old dynamic, but less earnestly. it’s something that’s a fallback, not something that comes so naturally anymore. so it’s the same except there’s all these stops and starts and moments where it chafes. and instead of dean stepping in between john and sam it’s sam (and possibly mary) stepping in between john and dean - not because they’re fighting, but because john is always going to be overbearing simply by virtue of their loaded history, and dean’s family would want to protect him from that (i really dug the way they triangulated around him when he was having a crisis in 14.12, so that’s the vibe i’m aiming for in my fic anyway)

[spn masterpost]

[stardancerluv]

When You Take Care of Each Other

Part 2b

Summary: Roman, takes care of you how you need to be cared for in doing so how you towards him helps him get through his rough day.

Warning: oh my! 🥵 daddy!/dom! kink, praise kink, knife/mask play, oral male, consensual deep-throating, regular sex, cuddles, fluff and light teasing.

The floor felt cold, you rested on your elbows as you laid there, crossing your legs at your ankles. You tried to look as demure as passible as you looked up at him.

Your heart beat harder and faster. As you looked him up and down, his mask, his knife and clothes, you licked you bottom lip as you looked at him.

“Do you want me to lay like this?” You gently rocked your legs. “Or should I open myself to you?” Raising your legs up with your knees bent and your feet on the floor you were fully open to him.

He walked over and stood within the space you opened for him. “You’re mine.” As he loomed above you, your arousal continued to grow.

You nodded. “I am.”

He moved his knife back and forth between his hands. “You need to be reminded.”

To be a playful you made a show of straightening your garters. “I do, you should put me in my place.” You craved him. “I was sounding and acting very ungrateful.” You met his eyes from under your lashes.

“You were.” He knelt down between your legs, his hand glided up your leg. “We need to get rid of these.

He reached out and pulled your panties taunt with a few quick moves, you felt them give. He tossed them aside. “Beautiful.” You heard him rasp.

He sat back on his heels as he looked at you. He gestured to your bra. “Get rid of that.”

You scooted a little back and quickly unhooked it, then you tossed it like he did your panties. “Anything else daddy?” You said softly and fought off the shiver but the goosebumps formed despite feeling flushed.

Grabbing your waist he pulled you close, his slacks grazing your skin here and there where your body would meet his as he knelt there.

He tilted his head to one side. “Is my baby cold?”

“A little.” You admitted.

In a smooth move he closed his knife, tucked it away, standing he offered you his hands. You stood, surprising you had not slipped since your stockings were still on. Barely, able to gather a thought you found yourself over his shoulder again.

“Where shall I remind you that you belong to me?”

Something uncurled in your stomach. He really could bring you anywhere and you obey. You needed this, it only made the ache between your legs sharper. “Anywhere you want?”

“So perhaps where you were brought in for me? A chair in the middle of my club?”

You swallowed. The idea of if made you wetter despite the kernel of fear it also brought. But you’d do it.

He began walking. “If you don’t answer me, I will most certainly take you down there.”

“No, please daddy but if that is what you wish I will accept it.”

“See you can be a good girl.” His voice was warm yet still had a razor edge to it.

As he continued to walk, you realized he passed the way to turn for the elevator and even his office. You didn’t breathe a sigh of relief but you were incredibly so.

He lowered you to the ground. His fingertips grazed a up your torso. Till, he gently yet firmly took a hold of your throat.

“I want to put you in your place not humiliate you baby.” His thumb caressed your throat. “Understand?”

You nodded the best you could.

“Good.” His hand drifted up, till he cupped your cheek. “So soft,” He dragged his thumb across your lips. “Now kneel in front of me and let me feel them wrapped around me.”

A soft moan poured from your lips. “Ok, daddy.”

Kneeling, you ran your hands up the soft material of his slacks that covered his thighs. Your hands slipped under his vest, then gently undid his belt.

“Baby?”

You stopped and looked up at him. “Yes, daddy.”

His hand reached and cupped your chin. “Make daddy feel good.”

“I will.” You smiled.

Opening his pants, the sound his zipper made as you lowered it filled the bedroom. As you carefully took him out, you moaned where kneeled.

******

As he looked down at you, his stomach churned with excitement. Your curves were all on wonderful display. A gasp, soon followed by a moaned came from him. Your delicate manner in which you held him and how your tongue trailed a wonderful path to the tip was always amazing.

He had grown so hungry for you as you had laid there in nothing more then the garters. “That’s it baby.” Let his fingers slip and entwine in your hair as you set a pace for yourself.

All of this melted away his anger and how rankled he had felt earlier. He would continue to remind you of hour place, because you had grown mouthy, you had to realize all he did you he had never done or cared to ever do unless it concerned him.

Now damn it, he mused as another moaned poured from him. He let his head tilt backward. Your lips felt so good. You always knew what to do. With his stomach tightening once again his let his grasp on you tighten. As you were about to slid down on him, his lips curled under the mask.

“You are going take all of me alright baby?” Me your eyes. “You need to feel all of who belong to.” You made a slight nod, as your lips grazed his tips so delightfully. “And you remember what to do when needed.”

How your lips felt as you did another nod was so exquisite, he could feel the pleasure throughout his body.

With his guidance, you took him even deeper if felt you gasp and your eyes twinkled but you were good ad it felt so good. “My good sweet girl.” He moved one of his hands so he could gently caress your cheek. Moving just so you could breath he pulled away before sliding deeply once again into your sweet little mouth.

Oh how he loved watching you when you’d be talking or idly being inspired to create a new piece and he’d remember how it felt to have your lips so tautly around him.

Seeing the tears he let his fingers leave your hair, and he let you relax as his thumbs brush tears aside. “Are you alright baby?”

He made a sound that was a mixture of a gasp and moan, you slid him all the way out with a soft pop. He could see the glisten on little salvia gathered in one corner of your mouth.

You licked your lips, yours blinked heavy with your own desire. “I feel so good daddy.”

“Now, I know how much you hate the bed to be cold, let’s change that.” He once again offered you his hands as you stood. “Let me watch you climb onto our bed.”

As he watched you climb onto the bed, he unbuttoned his vest and slipped from it. Before freeing himself from his slacks, he removed his knife and put it on the nightstand.

“Yes, baby open yourself like you had in the hall.

He still couldn’t believe you had let him do that. At any moment, someone could have come up. Well, actually that could have been Zsasz, but he honestly didn’t matter he knew not to randomly come up to the penthouse.

Once he was naked as you, he grabbed his knife and then he came to kneel between your legs once again.

He out the knife down. He let his hands drift along your legs till he could squeeze your thighs. Your eyes shown with your own desire. He unhooked one stocking, and pulled it off; he did the same to your other leg.

When the garters only remained in place, he grabbed his knife. He opened his knife once again. “You need some new garters.” Letting his fingers were it sat on, your hip he pulled it back and with a simple cut the fabric which had once been taunt now was slack. Pulling them he tossed aside now the useless fabric. He closed his knife and out it on the nightstand loving how your body felt against his.

As he settled against you he balanced himself above as he looked down at you.

“Do you want me baby?”

“Yes, yes please.”

He took ahold of himself, a moan came from him as he entered you were so incredibly wet and welcomingly tight. “Oh you feel so good.” As he looked at you, he craved more of you. Your mouth was open and puffy from taking him like the good girl he knew you could be.

Your eyes met. “Take daddy’s mask off, he wants to kiss you.”

You gently took it off and you how to treat it gently onto the nightstand. As you moved and twisted with him in you almost made him cum, but he held himself back he needed to feel more of you.

Your hands smoothed over his face and soon your fingers entwined in his hair. He drew close but let himself begin to move more while deeply nestled in you. Moments later, he finally felt your lips against his and it felt as it should be.

*****

He pulled you close as you both struggled to capture your breaths. Sighed as he felt you draped an arm over his middle. “Are you mine baby?”

“I’m yours.” Your eyes twinkled and you glowed. You were his and you looked so much better then when you had first come home.

Smiling, he held you closer. He kissed the top of your now sweat head. “You be good girl and sit beside me while I have a boring meeting with Falcone?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Good while you sit there, I’ll look over at you and remember how good to looked kneeling in front of me earlier.

Felt as the heat rose in your cheeks, he loved it.

******

As the waitress came over to take the drink orders. He allowed Falcone to order his drink first.

Turning to you, his hand rested on your thigh before squeezing it. “Would you like your usual, amaretto baby with the extra cherries?” He sweetly ask, remembering early and smiling a little broader as you flushed. He delighted then in knowing you had the same thoughts he did.

You nodded. “Yes, please.” And you placed a hand over his gloved one.

@spn-obsessed-dean @vintagemichelle91 @xxxeatyourh3artoutxxx @ewanfuckingmcgregor @zodiyack @angel98624 @frenchgirlinlondon @nebulastarr @emyliabernstein @thepeachreads @itsknife2meetu @omghappilyuniquebouquetlove @nomnomnomnamja @poe-kadot26 @babydoll97 @hazel-nuss @vcat55 @feelthemadnessinside @rosionis @queenofgotham800 @brookisbi @peachthatdrinkslemonade @johallzy @foreverhockeytrash @frostypenguinoz @starwarsslytherin @proffesionalclown @chogisss @shantellorraine @xxinvisiblexx @speedypartyducksuitcase @blondekel77 @saphic-susperia @drarrylov3r @i-cant-hear-you16 @deadlymistress24 @yesqueenofthelight @lemairepstuff @generallj

[weirdochick56]

Dress- Dean Winchester One Shot

Jealous!Dean Winchester x Plus-Size!Reader

Warnings: Self-hatred,self-doubt talks badly about self, weight, etc. PLS PLS if you’re sensitive to this please don’t read!

Word Count:  5,155 words

Disclaimer: I don’t own any SPN characters/plots mentioned.

Summary: “I don’t want you like a best friend Only bought this dress so you could take it off” (Loosely based on the song “Dress” by Taylor Swift.)

*

It shouldn’t hurt this much right?

To watch something that was never yours to begin with get taken away from you, that was.

It shouldn’t feel like someone was stabbing a dozen daggers into your chest all at once then twisting it around once it was well and sunk inside your skin. It shouldn’t.

You have to know by now; Dean Winchester would only ever belong to you in your dreams.

A man like him- tall, gorgeous, charming- would never go for someone like you.

If he hadn’t done so during the many years he’d known you why would he start now?

That slender, big-chested, perky blonde on the other hand- she was exactly the kind of woman he’d go for.

And the way he looked at her, gripped onto her protruding hips and gazed at her glossy lips- it was more than obvious how much he wanted to get her into his bed.

You had spent years wishing that was you. Wishing those rough hands would hold you like that, that those sparkling emerald eyes would ravage you hungrily.

Unfortunately, not only did Dean only see you as a little sister, but you were the farthest thing from his type.

With a sharp inhale, you force yourself to look away from the heinous scene unfolding before you, even when it took nearly all your strength to do so.

Because you couldn’t tear your eyes away from how easily her body curved in that skin tight red dress, the way her long legs seemed to go on for miles in those heels...and then comparing her utter perfection to your own body- only to come up short.

You were always too fat. Your curves were always too aggressive, too vuloptuous and out of control.

Not to mention, you could never pull off a dress like that. You knew this which is why you stuck to baggy jeans, and big t-shirts and flannels.

It was what you felt comfortable in, after all.

Never pretty- you don’t remember the last time you’ve felt pretty, but that was why comfort was what really mattered to you.

Without noticing it, your eyes fill to the brim with tears when you peek back at them and realized the way Dean’s hand fit so neatly in her tiny wasp-like waist, plump pink lips tilted upwards into a tiny smirk as he stares her down with hunger.

You never even stood a chance, did you?

When the sinking feeling settles in you at the thought, like an anchor sinking to the bottom of an ocean, you suddenly get off your stool, slamming a twenty on the bar.

“I’m leaving Sammy,” you inform your best friend, trying to keep your voice from breaking.

“Y/n-“ He opens his mouth to retort something to you but one look at your face and his mouth instantly snaps shut.

You probably looked like a kicked puppy.

He offers a sympathetic little frown, looking like he wants so badly to say something but instead only nods at you without further protest.

You sniffle, shoulders sagging with the weight of your heartbreak as you trudged your way back to the dank motel you’d gotten for the night.

After a long shower and changing into a baggy shirt and shorts, you tucked yourself into your bed and began watching some TV, trying your damn hardest not to burst into tears in case the brothers came back.

This was the way it would always be.

*

Another town, another night, another hunt.

“Friggin witches man,” Dean hisses with disdain, shaking his head. “I hate them.”

You can’t help but laugh at him. “I, for one, like witches.”

Both Sam and him stare at you like you’ve grown two heads.

“...dead,” you quip with a tiny smirk, pausing right outside the motel door.

Sam chuckles, pressing the key into the slot and pushing the door open for you. “Yeah,” he agrees.

“Second that, sweetheart,” Dean sighs out with a soft smile, ruffling your hair as he walked past you and made a beeline to the bathroom.

Your chest tightens at the tiny gesture as you pause by the door.

And once more it was made clear to you just who you were to Dean; a kid. A sister.

That’s all you’d ever be, you keep reminding your crushed hopes everytime they resurrected.

You wanted to stomp them out and keep them that way, but you just couldn’t help but let a tiny part of you hope for something more.

Despite how impossible it was for that to happen.

Sam presses a gentle kiss to your forehead when he gently pushes past you and sees your conflicted expression, rubbing your back comfortingly.

“We’re going out tonight- somewhere special to celebrate. You’re coming right?”

You shoot him a look as if to say ‘really?’.

Ever since the last time you’d seen Dean with that blonde woman, you refused to go with them to any more bars, opting to stay home in your pjs, eating ice cream and binging TV.

“No,” you instantly reject the offer.

Of course Sam knew exactly why you were refusing, but whenever Dean asked, you had to make up excuses so he wouldn’t get suspicious.

Most of the time you just acted like you were too sick or too tired from the hunt and although you could tell he was concerned for you, he fortunately never pushed for more than you were willing to give him.

“But why not?” He whines. “It’s gonna be fun I promise. Plus we get to dress up for once.”

You laugh. “You say it like I wanna dress up this whale body of mine.”

“Y/n,” he enunciates sternly. “Don’t talk like that. You’re gorgeous.”

You instantly scoff, rolling your eyes. “Okay.”

“He ain’t lying,” Deans gruff voice chides in.

A towel hangs low on his slim hips as he steps out fresh from the shower.

His tan skin glistening with fresh water, sparkling green eyes, damp dirty blond hair clinging to his forehead and that manly scent are all entirely too much for you.

“I never got why you feel the need to bring yourself down, sweetheart. You’re pretty.”

You have to force yourself to snap your gaze onto your duffel bag, aimlessly ruffling through your clothes to make yourself look busy.

“I-I’m too tired,” you manage to stammer out, trying to control your pounding heartbeat.

Dean clicks his tongue with slight irritation. “You always say that.”

“Well I am,” you insist. “Plus guys, it’s not like some fancy night club is really my scene anyways.”

Sam huffs. “Yeah, it isn’t ours either. But we deserve a night out, don’t you think?”

“You guys can go. I’ll just stay here and-“

Dean cuts you off. “And what, Y/n? Wallow in self-pity?”

“Dean,” Sam warns.

“No, Sam. I’m right and she’s knows it. Look at me, sweetheart,” he commands and acting on pure instinct, you obey.

His breathtaking gaze bores straight into you, unwavering. “You think I haven’t noticed how strange you’ve been acting lately? How you refuse to share so much as a beer with us? You’re sad and I’m worried about you,” he breathes softly.

You swallow the lump in your throat, but your brain is still unable to form anymore words. You just stare at him, watery eyed, praying to whatever will listen that the truth doesn’t burst out of you.

That you don’t blurt something like “it’s because of you dummy. Because you break my heart everytime you leave with a new set of tits. Because you could never love me the way I love you.”

Sensing your discomfort, Sam tries to diffuse the situation. “You can stay if you want to, Y/n. We understand. Right, Dean?”

Even without even looking at him, you know Sam is giving Dean a death stare.

Dean looks at you then back up at Sam, sighing. “Fine. Yeah okay.” And walks towards the bathroom to get dressed.

You instantly relax once the weight of his gaze is off you, shoulders drooping.

“Y/n. C’mon, you need to unwind. At least think about it? Look if you change your mind I texte you the address. ”

You purse your lips, staring at his puppy dog eyes. “Okay,” You whisper softly.

A little while later, the boys are all dressed up and ready to go- meanwhile you’re still in your pjs.

Dean looks absolutely scrumptious and all you want to do is rip that button off right off those broad freckled shoulders and mess up that perfectly styled spiky blonde hair.

The green-eyed five course meal pauses before you, frowning. “Not saying you don’t look good in them, but maybe a change of clothes once in a while wouldn’t hurt, sweets.”

He presses a kiss to your forehead, petting your head as he walks out.

*

You know he didn’t mean it like that with his remark.

Dean would never bring you down like that, but for some reason it still stung like a bitch.

To further confirm that you would never be the kind of woman he’d please endlessly or hell- even look twice at was something Dean probably hadn’t realized he’d done but that stuck with you for the rest of your uneventful night.

At the peak of your boredom, you start looking through old pictures of you and the brothers. The nostalgia that flooded through you at the memories nearly made you cry as you came to stop on a certain one- your favorite picture.

It was one with only you and Dean, leaning on the impala. He was staring down at you with a soft smile and made you laughed gleefully at some dumb shit he’d said.

Your chest clenches tightly at the look in his eyes. It almost looked...wistful. Like he was happy and sweet and tender but also...sad.

It was the same look you’d give him.

You gasp without noticing. What if-

No.

You stop yourself before letting your thoughts get much farther and shove the picture away.

Stop getting your hopes up Y/n.

Maybe Dean was right and it was time for a change.

Because if you were going to forget the Dean Winchester, you were gonna need a hell of a replacement and the only way to get that was to at least try to look good.

You started with your hair, curling it loosely so it fell softly over your shoulders. Then you shaved your legs and went about doing your make up.

You weren’t very good at make up, but you had watched a few you tube videos so you settled for a deep wine lipstick, a bit of a Smokey eye and some mascara. Good enough.

Next was your clothes. You didn’t have very many nice clothes, but at some point Sam had convinced you to buy a few dresses and heels along with your formal FBI suits in case you needed it in the future.

You never did which had made you extremely grateful because you didn’t feel comfortable in anything other than your baggy clothes.

“Today isn’t about comfort though,” you mutter to yourself with disdain, tugging uncomfortably on the tight black dress as it clings to your thick thighs.

You clasp on some heels, walking around a bit for practice. Your ankles bend and your knees wobble at first, but the longer you walk in them, the easier it gets.

When you feel comfortable enough, you head over to the mirror, staring at yourself.

Instantly, a wave of insecurity slams down on you. The dress left basically nothing to the imagination and you were less than pleased.

Your tummy was protruding and your thighs were basically glued together. Your stretch marks were in full view too.

Before you let the thoughts get to you too much, you stop staring at yourself and spin on your heel to walk away from it.

Not today Y/n. Not when you’re this desperate to stop caring for someone who would never care for you in the way you did.

You’re forgetting Dean remeber?

*

Needless to say, your resolve doesn’t last long once you step foot into the night club bar situation the brothers had opted for.

It immediately feels like everyone is looking at you as you nervously play with your fingers, writhing uncomfortably beneath the itchy fabric of the dress.

You already regret doing this.

It isn’t long before Sam spots you by the entrance of the semi-packed club and comes running over, eyes wide.

“Y/n,” he breathes, eyes trailing over you. “Oh.”

You scrunch you’re nose up. “It looks bad doesn’t it. I knew it did! I shouldn’t have-“

“What?!” Sam shook his head furiously. “What? No. Not at all Y/n. You just look different is all.”

You look down at yourself, pouting. “Is that bad or good?”

He throws an arm over your shoulder, tugging you to his side. “Good. Definitely good.”

You’re skeptical of his words, but follow him anyway to the bar where Dean is currently at- flirting with a perky brunette.

Your heart instantly drops, but you hide it behind a polite smile as Sam taps his brother’s shoulder.

“Dean. Look who’s here!”

Dean, looking downright annoyed, turns around, clearly ready to tear Sam a new one for interrupting his current rendezvous.

“Sam what- sweetheart,” the nickname falls from his lips like a curse. Like a “fuck!” Or “holy shit!”, except it’s quiet, breathless.

His mouth snaps shut when those eyes land on you, timidly standing beside Sam.

His eyes widen and his lips part as he inhales sharply. And then his eyes are flying everywhere at once, taking in your full figure with a slack jaw.

You shyly smile. “Hey, D.”

He doesn’t say anything, just stares at you and you instantly grow insecure thinking maybe it’s because of how ugly you look.

Was he so shocked to see you being “brave” by showing off your huge body like that?

“...Dean?” You hesitate.

He finally snaps out of it, shaking his head. “Y/n.” He swallows thickly, smiling warily.

Geez. That bad?

You excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, desperate to leave their judging faces.

In your halphazard attempt to run away, you accidentally bump into someone, nearly knocking both of you on the floor. You topple to the side in your tall heels, letting out a tiny yelp. 

Without hesitation, two big hands watch you by your arms, steadying you. 

“Be careful there sweetness,” his southern accent is thick as sweet molasses and it instantly attracts your eyes to his dark brown ones. 

You flush with embarassment when you realize how cute he is. “Oh my God! I am so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

He lets out a bemused chuckle. “It’s quite alright, hun.”

You smile up at him bashfully, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “Thanks.” 

And with that, you start to walk away from him. He stops you before you can get too far, gripping onto your forearm firmly. 

“Wait.” 

You look cautiously at where his hand was and he quickly takes it away, laughing nervously. “Sorry. I just- I hope I’m not being too forward. You’re beautiful.” 

You raise your brows in disbelief almost instinctively, blushing madly. “Me?” you blurt incredulously. 

He laughs fully this time. “Yeah. You. Come sit with me?”

You glance over your shoulder at where the brothers were, immersed in flirty conversations with pretty women and decide why the hell not. 

So you nod at him affirmitively with a tiny smile. “Sure.”

It wasn’t long before you were laughing full-heartedly at the man, James. He was genuinely funny and cute and for whatever reason, seemed taken by you. I mean, you couldn’t possibly fathom why. 

But the more time passed with the easy banter, the more you drank and the less you worried about well, anything. 

“You wouldn’t like me in real life. I’m not like this usually,” you confess, taking sip of your matini when he compliments you once again. 

He raises a brow. “Oh? I highly doubt that. But tell me, miss Y/n, what do you usually wear?”

You lean forward, smirking confidently. (Yeah the alcohol was getting to you.)

“Well for starters, the baggiest shirts. The biggest jeans. The oldest flannels,” you lean back, laughing loudly. 

“You still look gorgeous probably.” 

You can’t help but giggle at his remark, touching his arms for a second. “Oh, James!” 

Who even are you right now? Giggling...flirting..

You weren’t used to any of this. So when he places a gentle hand on your thigh you freeze, unable to react any other way because you’d never gotten this kind of attention. 

He smirks. “Wanna head back to my place? Keep the party goin’?” 

You open your mouth to answer but are cut off by another voice- gruff and angry. 

“I don’t think so, buddy,” the deep voice bites.  

Your head snaps up and you see Dean, flaring deep green eyes glaring holes into the hand which was still nestled neatly on your thigh. 

“Take your hand off her before I make sure you don’t have one at all,” he husks without even looking at either of you. 

James instantly retracts his hand, looking between you two with his brows furrowed. 

Dean doesn’t let either of you say anything before he’s yanking you off your chair by your arm. 

“We’re leaving,” he informs grumpily, leaving no room for protesting of any kind. 

Then he’s yanking you along behind him, rough fingers wrapped tightly around your forearm as he carelessly pushes people out of his way. 

“Dean-” you whine, struggling to keep up with his long and angry strides in your heels and intoxicated state. 

He doesn’t stop until you’re standing before baby and you physically have to rip your arm from his hold.

You’re absolutely fuming at this point.

Who the fuck did he think he was, pulling you out of there like that?

“What the hell, Dean?!?” You wrap your arms around yourself to protect your exposed skin from the cool night breeze. 

He doesn’t turn around to look at you, but his voice says it all when he speaks. “Get in the car, Y/n.”

He’s one-hundred percent serious. And done. So so serious and done, in fact, that his voice wavers with the weight of his stern. 

And if it weren’t for the fact that you desperately wanted answers or the fact that you were buzzed enough to be able to ignore his fury, you might’ve let it go. 

Unfortunately, neither was currently the case. 

“No. You had no right! James was-”

“Oh, James!” He exclaims, throwing his hands up sarcastically. “Is that his name!?”

You reeled back from his harsh tone, frowning. “What the fuck is wrong with you Dean? You’re acting completely irrational.”

“Nothing is wrong with me, Y/n. Absolutely nothing,” he grits out with a wry smile. 

“I’m going back inside.” You shake your head at him. 

He laughs bitterly. “And I’m the one acting irrational! That- that ass just had his hand on your thigh and you just let him. Oh. And now you’re going back inside to do what? Continue letting him feel you up?”

“And what’s so fucking wrong with that?!” You yell back, frustrated by his hurtful words. 

What was he insinutating? That you were easy? And anyway, what did he care? 

He pauses for a split-second before answering in a venomous snap. “Everything! You’re...” he trails off abruptly. 

“I’m what, Dean?” you growl, stepping closer to him. 

You licks his lips, inhaling sharply. “You’re-” he falters, softening for only a split second. “Just get in the car, sweetheart” he demands once more this time more quietly, apple green eyes shimmering under the dim street lights. 

But you refuse to back down. “No. Tell me what the hell your problem is or I go back inside.”

He let’s out a yell, slamming a hand on the hood of the car and leaning his forehead against it. “Dammit!”

You jolt, startled. He stays there for a few more seconds, back heaving with his audibly labored breaths, 

You’re afraid to touch him right now, so you just speak in a soft comforting tone. “Dean. Just talk to me. Why are you acting like this?” 

He sighs, slowly turning around to face you. He looks pissed. 

“You really wanna know why I’m acting like this?” You go to say yes but before you can, he’s cutting you off. “It because of you,” he growls. 

“Me?”

“Yes, you, Y/n. W-with your fucking tight little dress and your heels.” He motions loosely to you, jaw clenched and tight fists by his side. “Flaunting that ass around like-like you wanted James and every damn douchebag in there to fucking come up to you!” He spits the name out like it’s vile in his mouth and you flinch at his accusatory, disgusted tone.

Why the hell was he blaming you for something like that? It made no sense.

You raise your brows, shocked and hurt. “Oh, so because for one night I’ve decided to do what you suggested and actually got some male attention you’re acting like a little bitch?! What the hell is so wrong with that, exactly, Dean? You do this shit all the time, and you don’t see me giving you shit about it!”

He huffs, rolling his eyes and muttering, “It’s different with me.”

You bark out a laugh. “Different how?”

His jaw flexes. “I’m not a kid, for starters!”

You let out an incredulous sound, looking at him like he was out of his damn mind. “I’m not a kid Dean! When are you going to get that? There’s no need to act like a protective ass. I can damn well take care of myself.”

“I’ll get it when you stop acting like some sleazy hooker,” he snaps, green eyes flaring a darker, sinister shade.

You instantly stop, freezing at his words. As if realizing what he’s just said, Dean’s face drops.

He tries to grip your shoulder. “Y/n-“ but you aggressively shove him off of you, holding back tears.

“You’re a dick, Dean.”

He frowns apologetically. “Sweetheart I didn’t mean to-“

“I’m going home Dean. Alone.”

And with that, you spin on your heel and start making your way back to the motel.

*

Five minutes don’t pass of you first getting inside the motel before you hear the sound of the impala’s engine pulling up.

And suddenly the door is being thrown open, startling even your bones.

Then, before you can even react, Dean is standing in the doorway, chest heaving.

“Dean-“

“It’s because I was jealous,” he blurts as soon as he sees you.

“What?”

He doesn’t say anything as he runs a hand through his hair, stepping into the dark room and closing the door behind him.

The tiny ‘click’ of the door closing is defeaning against the tense silence now settled in the four of five feet between you two.

He licks his lips the way he always does when he’s nervous, cautiously look up at you. “I was jealous of James,” he repeats, the confession quiet but more powerful than if he would’ve screamed it because the raw emotion and sincerity were in clear display.

You don’t know what to say for the first few seconds after he speaks and so many thoughts are spinning around in your head.

“Dean I know I’m like your little sister and you’re protective of me but I’m fully capable of-“

“I know you are,” he mumbles, looking at you with a strange glint in his eyes- something new and unfamiliar. “That’s not...” he inhales deeply, searching around in his head for the right words. “I wasn’t jealous of you as a....sister.”

Still bewildered, you step a bit closer to him. “Dean, what are you trying to say?”

He groans, chuckling softly. “Are you really going to make me say it?”

Silently, he strides up to you, closing the remaining distance between you two. His hands creep up, gripping your face between them like he’d done so many times before, except this time it felt...different.

The air around you cackled with an unspoken electrifying emotion, his fingers felt like pure fire against your skin and you did it understand what exactly was about to happen but it felt like Ike you were on the verge of something big.

You gaze up at him through your lashes, questioningly.

He smiles, swiping his thumb over your cheek. “You look absolutely beautiful tonight sweetheart. Did I tell you that?”

Your breath hitches and you can’t help but blush madly. “I-I thought you didn’t like it,” you stammer out the admission, scared of his reaction.

He chuckles and his warm breath warms your skin. “Of course I do. You’re stunning. I just don’t want...other guys to see it.” He winces at his confession.

You laugh- not because it’s funny but because you’re nervous and all you can do is laugh.

He turns serious. “I’m sorry for the way I talked to you, sweetheart. I just-“ he purses his lips, pausing. “I hated seeing his hands on you. I hated the fact that he made you laugh in that way the makes your head go back and your eyes glimmer. I hated his stupid accent and his dumb hair because I knew you’d find it adorable. And fuck, I hated that he could give you everything I never could or will be able to,” he lets out all in a few breaths.

You just stare up at him, tears building up in your eyes, starstruck.

“I hate you,” you mutter finally.

He frowns. “Wh-“

You pound on his chest harshly, sobbing. “I hate you. I hate you. I hate you! How could you!”

You try to get your hands on him ever after he’s easily grabbed your wrists, wriggling aggressively.

“Sweetheart! Calm down. What the hell are you on about?!”

You settle for a second, warm tears rolling down your face and easily answer him because he was being a complete and utter jackass right now.

“The fact that you’d lie to me because you pity me makes you a cruel, vile human being Dean Winchester.”

He instantly shakes his head at you, eyes sad. “I’m not saying it because I pity you, sweets. Why would you even think that?”

You laugh bitterly, pointing to yourself. “Well, isn’t it obvious? I’m fat!”

At your words, something clicks in him and he’s suddenly titling your head up to meet his perfect green eyes.

“Y/n, I need you to listen to me very carefully right now okay? You are and will forever be the goddamn most beautiful thing that asshole God has put on this earth. If there is anything I have to thank him for it’s you. Don’t you understand?” He pleads quietly.

You don’t know how you manage to work around your erratically beating heart or the fact that Dean is so close and he smells so much like him, but through the huge lump in your throat you manage to stutter something along the lines of “understand what?”

“That I have to hold myself back from moving my lips from just a few inches away your cheek or your forehead to your lips and kissing the living hell out of you every damn time I touch you. That I love everything about you, even the bad things. Especially the bad things because really, they’re all good.” He laughs breathlessly. “That I wake up and go to sleep with that sweet smile on my mind. That I would do anything to keep it on that pretty face of yours. That I fuck anything with legs imagining that it’s you I’m sinking into. That all I want- no. All I need and fucking ache for every damn day I spend with and without you is the feel of your skin and the softness of your voice.” He swallows thickly, whispering. “That I am so hopelessly in love with someone I can never have.”

You close your mouth after a few long stretched out seconds of having it open. You don’t know what to say at first, still trying to process the emotion in his voice and the sincerity in his eyes and the sudden jolt of electricity shocking your entire body to your very core.

All the same, Dean is looking at you with a terrified expression, holding his breath.

Then, you speak.

“You can have me.”

He looks relieved at first, but then he turn wistful, brushing a strand of hair away from your face and behind your ear, lingering with his fingertips on your cheek for a few seconds.

“I couldn’t do that. You’re so young and we’ve been practically raised together. I couldn’t.”

“But you could!” You protest, chest clenching. “For as long as I can remember, Dean, you’re all I’ve ever wanted.” You bite your lip, placing a tender hand over his chest. “You’re all I need,” you finish in a breathless whisper, leaning against his touch.

You hear him breathe in shakily before he abruptly takes his hand off you and answers in a quiet, regretful tone. “I can’t.”

His words are like another stab to your chest and before you know what you’re doing-

“Fine. But don’t try to stop me from finding someone who can.” 

You angrily walk towards the door, but before you can so much as lay a finger on the door knob, Dean’s own hand is shooting out, grabbing  your elboe tightly. And then he;s yanking you back. 

“The hell you are,” he growls, crushing his mouth onto yours roughly.

The kiss is enough to freeze you in your tracks and everything stops moving for a split second as you take in the feeling of his lips on yours, hard enough to bruise. 

Your eyes flutter shut and you suck in a sharp breath, melting in to his touch as his fingertips glide into your hair, tugging at it gently. You moan lightly into his mouth as it slants over yours, deepening the kiss. 

His tongue is warm and wet and silky and he tastes like liquor and apple pie and it leaves you breathless for a minute. You drown in his scent of leather and cologne, kissing back with just as much passion, holding onto his neck and shoulders in order to remain upright because your knees are about to give out beneath you. 

The kiss happens in a flurry of heat and passion and anger and ends with unimaginable sweetness. 

You peer up at him, chest heaving. 

“Dean?” your voice trembles. 

He smiles softly. “I love you and I’ll be damned if I let you go running to some other man.”

You laugh unbelievingly. “Really? Y-you love me?”

He nods instantly. “Of course.” Suddenly, he smirks. 

“What?”

“Nothing, I’m just glad you wore that dress.”

***

[winchestersingerautorepair]

A Rift Between

A Brief(-ish) History of Dean, Cas, & Rifts

Let’s talk about rifts for a moment. And when I say rifts, I don’t mean their personal disagreements -- if I were to be discussing that, this post would be less of a brief history and more of a thesis paper. 

No, I’m talking about rift rifts. As in, actual, literal tears in the spacetime continuum. They are littered across the whole run of this show, and we’ve recently had two whole seasons devoted to them. So, the sudden reappearance of rift-adjacent plotlines carries with it a weighty load of textual relevance.

Dean and Castiel’s relationship arc, a fan favorite, began when Leviathans, the notorious fan-unfavorite, came into the picture. 

No, Maeve! Dean and Castiel’s relationship arc began in season 4, not 7! Cas was barely even in season 7! 

Well, let me explain. Season 7, the age of Sera Gamble, was a total show reset. Was it uncomfortable? Yes. Did we all hate it? Yes. But like with muscle, you’ve got to tear through the old before you can develop something new, and Season 7 did this job quite effectively. An identity crisis at that scale means either a massive change of pace or a creative death, and as the show is still on, number one it is. 

So, while we can most reliably chart the beginning of an intentional, substantive romantic undercurrent to Season 8, it is the waiting that allowed it to come to fruition-- Season 7 was a void, an unsustainable period of creative drought, a long cold winter in which seeds fell and laid dormant. And like the winter, it was necessary for rebirth.

This brings me to the first DeanCas rift: 

~~

The Purgatory Spell

Episode: 7x01

This tear in spacetime was the culmination of Castiel’s Season 6 character arc. It was the final, greatest betrayal, the irredeemable course of action which struck his relationship with the Winchesters a fatal blow-- and though his last act was to attempt to right his wrongs, the emergence of this rift meant estrangement and death for the relationship (and for Castiel.)

This incident is established as far more significant for Dean than it is for Sam, so I won’t spend much time justifying my classification of this rift as primarily DeanCas. It’s made pretty damn clear through Dean’s behavior throughout Season 7.

Castiel’s departure catalyzed the emergence of Leviathans. As the lore promised, they brought death and destruction to the whole ecosystem, purging the show and readying it for reincarnation; but I’ve already made this point.

As Destiel 1.0 dies, Destiel 2.0 is born.

~~~

The Purgatory Portal

Episode: 8x07

Let us journey back to "A Little Slice of Kevin"-- the gayest thing to happen to Supernatural up to that point. Suddenly, Dean and Cas’s ambiguity is no longer a joke. It’s no longer flippantly referenced, but Built Into The Narrative In A Noticeable Way. After Season 7, Season 8 shocked the system, earning Purgatory celebrity status as the Destiel fandom exploded back to life. 

But, more important things. The events surrounding this portal not only codified romantic subtext, but reshaped their relationship by putting it in grave peril. Lovers trapped in separate worlds. There’s only like ten thousand examples of this in other fictional, romantic(-ally coded) relationships. Sigh.

As Destiel 2.0 dies, Destiel 3.0 is born.

~~~

Seasons 9, 10, and 11 are filled with near misses. Divisions between worlds/fates test and change their bond -- Heaven and Hell exert tremendous force on both, and the gates of Heaven and the Darkness’s breach of barriers flirt pretty openly with the rift theme -- but there isn’t anything that fits the profile cut and dry, so let us leap to Season 12. Five long years of glacial shifts, five long years of a slow, steady amping up of queer subtext. An argument can be made that it had graduated from subtext in some places, but both fandom and GA were frog-boiled enough in their interpretations for this argument to be an aside.

Destiel 3.0 reaches a transitional stage, and becomes Destiel 3.0+.

Now, It’s season 12. And like goddamned CLOCKWORK, six years after Season 6, another unstable tear in spacetime appears, and terminates Castiel’s character arc.

Rift? Check. Cas dead? Check. We’ve seen this pattern. Time for shit to CHANGE. And boy, did it.

~~~

The Rift

Episode: 12x23

Oh, boy. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Castiel’s death in the Season 12 finale was a magnum opus of SPN’s romantically coded imagery. I could elaborate, but if you’ve read this far into this post you likely already know what I’m talking about. My point is, a hall of mirrors is the chosen space in which Destiel 3.0+ is killed. 

The relationship death lasts only a short while; their estrangement in separate realms is a five episode-long period of detachment and review. Our characters, as well as the viewers, stride through a hall of mirrors. In solitude, this DeanCas winter becomes a chance to reflect, because there is no better way to get a feel for the importance of something than to eliminate it. The crucial elements of Dean and Cas’s relationship, what they mean to each other, becomes clearer than ever before because, look! This is Dean without Cas! This is the show without Cas! Don’t you hate it?

I mean, guys. Mirrors. Cas spoke to a reflection of himself in the Empty. Literally. He addressed his greatest fears about relationships with himself. He was forced to rewatch his greatest mistakes, and what gets featured? Our first two DeanCas rifts. F*ck this show.

DreamHunter parallel! 13x10 reenacted this scene for us with Claire and Kaia. 

Then, 13x05 changes the whole game once more. You know, the episode titled Thanatology. The study of Death. Fuck this show.

As Destiel 3.0+ dies, Destiel 4.0 is born.

~~~

The intensity of the queer narrative amps up continually. Things are getting harder to write off.

Rifts between worlds, crossover and confinement, and estrangement, and the blurring of lines, and the breaking of old taboos/breach of old barriers dominates the remainder of Season 13 and Season 14. We hold this broad focus for a long time, and Dean and Castiel become the emotional equivalent of the plot arc, always there, brewing, but taking a backseat to the Big Stuff. A wall rises, and solidifies. Silver Pole of Communication Barriers, anyone?

Then? Season 15 kicks us in the Destiel balls.

Full disclosure: I didn’t see this next part coming. I dared not ask season 15 for anything this significant, so the last scene of 15x08 just about took my life. 

~~~

The Purgatory Rift

Episode(s): 15x08, 15x09

Dun dun DUN!!

This twist was my favorite Christmas present, because it communicated to me that the writers have an understanding of Dean and Cas’s history to match our own. Not only are they actively writing them utilizing the Destiel playbook, they obviously care immensely about the destiny of their relationship. I am speaking too soon to say this definitively, but this mission has all the hallmarks of a plot device designed to serve many purposes in respect to Dean and Castiel. They’ve got ALL the ingredients. There are so many things tied in here that it gets pretty damn near fanfiction territory.

Please read my reaction to the purgatory twist if you need context, as I don’t feel much like regurgitating it. This post is long enough, lol. (A bloom that grows only in one place? Fuck you, writers. You’re going to KILL me.)

~~~

So, to recap: In a universe defined by barriers and guidelines, a relationship that refuses to be defined will be under constant siege. Dean and Castiel suffer from the sheer reality of walking lines between two designated states of being-- friends and lovers, angel and human, take your pick. The current order isn’t friendly to beings who don’t fit a category. Until the barriers are stripped away, they cannot exist as they are, and rifts will continue to rip them apart. 

The Purgatory Rift of 15x08 is such a big deal because it fuses themes. The rifts of the Dabb era have merged with the gateways of the Carver era. Not only are our long-standing almost-lovers returning to their relationship’s place of origin, they are doing so by breaching physical barriers designed to keep them apart; and all the while, the most dangerous, important rift is not the one in the fabric of reality, but the one in their relationship. 

I expect this major rift to end no differently than it has in the past. Dean and Cas will be separated, and Cas will be out of reach. And then, they’ll be reunited. But, where will that take us? What will the next reincarnation look like? 

As Destiel 4.0 dies, something will be born.

[alwaysonthemend]

Destiel Fic Recs (An extensive rec list of almost every single Destiel fic I‘ve ever read.)

NOTE

- This is a masterlist of all of my fic recs. They include AUs, SPN universe, codas, ficlets, schoolfics, and more!

- Works marked with (*) denote my absolute favorites.  

-This rec list is all Destiel (I'm a clown 🤡, sue me.) If you don’t like it, don’t read it. 

-Yes, many of these works are NSFW, but usually said scenes can be skipped without losing important plot info.

-This list will be updated whenever I find a good fic, though probably not regularly if I'm honest. (Life happens...)

-I DO NOT own any of the work found on this list, nor do I claim it to be my own; I am simply making this so that others can enjoy these fics as well.

-Please do not hate on anyone or anything. If you don't like Destiel, then don't read the fics. If you hate the author, don't tell me because I don't care about that drama. (Walk AwaaAYyaYAaa)

1. Twist and Shout****** by @gabriel and @standbyme Archive Of Our Own.

Thoughts- I'm sure that there is nothing I can say that you haven't already heard. Just read it. Suffer along with the rest of us. There's fluff, smut, angst (the holy trinity.) This is truly the best fan fic ever written. Period. 20/10.

2. 300 Things by @cautionzombies. (I can't find the original source so you'll have to try and find it on your own...)  

Thoughts- What's a Supernatural rec list without 300 Things? This really is an amazing fic and it is written so well!  

3. How A Righteous Man Raises A Rose by @swordofmymouth- Live Journal.  

Thoughts- This fic really took me by surprise. It's tagged as an AU, but I think you'll find that it's not at all what you think. The author effortlessly sets a mood of loss and regret, yet still gives the light a chance to shine through. I went into this fic thinking it to be an AU, and it was at first. But I soon realized that there was much more to this fic than what at first meets the eye. I shed a few tears over this one.

4. Cleanse the Mirror* by @takadainmate -Live Journal.  

Thoughts- Man, this one hurts, but in the best way. I read this fic a long time ago but lost it and couldn't find it for a long time. I am so glad that I found it and was able to re read. Just as enjoyable (if not more so) the second time. Dean gets a better understanding of what it's like being an angel. (And Cas is written so well in this fic! He's just like he is in the show. It's incredible!)  

5. A Hole in the World by @bauble - Live Journal.

Thoughts- This one just hurts and hurts and hurts. This is one that you'll just have to read and see for yourself. No happy ending. (You've been warned.)  

6. In the Shadow of Your Wings by @EnochianThings - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a really well written fic. There were several times that I almost forgot that I was reading a fan fic because the characters and story are just so well though out. It's a bit of a long one and is set in a (sort of) canon!verse.

7. My Throat is An Open Grave* by @inkandpaperqwerty - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This was one of the first fan fics that I ever read for Supernatural. This one is just so heartwarming, but not before plenty of angst and hurt/comfort. The author seamlessly puts Sam and Dean into a heartbreaking AU and it's all about the love that Sam and Dean have for each other. (NOT Wincest.)  

8. Thursday's Child* by @strangeandcharm - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- All I can say is... Ow. Slow burn to end all slow burns, but so worth it in the end. This one is set in the End!verse (which I'm a total sucker for.) Dean and Cas are just so sad and I just want to hug them and make it all better. Imagine, Future!Dean's plan to kill Lucifer!Sam works and now he has to live with the fact that he killed his own brother, devil or not. And Cas has to come to terms with the fact that he survived the epic showdown, despite his belief that he wouldn't, and now has an addiction that he has to get under control. I love this fic and it really is a painfully slow read, but more than worth it in the end.  

9. Après by @imogenbynight - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Dean and Cas go to Paris... Need I say more? I love this fic because it addresses the crappy way that Dean always has Cas coming to him and how Dean needs to step up and realize the sacrifices Cas has made for him (shameless bias opinion... Sorry) All us Cas stans will really appreciate this one. Written well, characterization flawless... What else can you ask for?

10. Dean's Days Off* by @MittenWraith - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is just the sweetest, fluffiest fic you could ever ask for. Reading it made me want to fall in love so badly it hurt. Cas and Dean just get some well deserved rest and quiet. I am absolutely in love with this fic and I'll read it over and over again. (Especially if I've had a bad day and need some happiness)

11. Unlit, Unmarked, and Forgotten by @awed_frog -

Archive Of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a beautiful coda for 11x17. There's some Destiel if you squint. It's very sad but somehow manages a happy ending that renews your hope and brings a soft smile to your face.

12. Down Like Water by @museaway - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I really like this fic a lot. It is very sad with a lot of Hurt!Castiel but it does actually have a happy ending. Just grit your teeth and bare through the angst and sadness to make it to the beautifully sappy ending.

13. Till Kingdom Come* by @freckles_n_feathers - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This is a season 11 AU that was written before season 11 aired (the author actually somehow predicted things that were going to happen before they aired!!) This fic gave me really high hopes for season 11 that weren't quite fulfilled. I loved season 11, don't get me wrong (it's actually one of my favorite seasons) this fic was just so perfect and I wanted it to be canon so badly. (I re wrote this review like four times because I kept saying "actually" lol)  

14. 12x19 Destiel Ficlet by @Samanstiel - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This was written before 12x19 aired, and if you were upset with how things went down then this is the fic for you. The characters are written so well and it really feels like an actual episode.

15. Contrapasso*** by @takadainmate - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This might be the best fic ever (trumped only by Twist and Shout...) Inspired by Dantes Inferno and so beautifully written! I just... There aren't words. It's very dark, and the ending was not at all what I wanted (but after much thought, I realized that there couldn't have been a better ending.) I really got lost in this fic. I could see exactly what the author described, I could feel what the characters felt. This is true art... This is the fic we've all been looking for.

16. Put Up Your Dukes by @takadainmate - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This fic is by one of my favorite authors (who has featured on this rec list before...) Hilariously dirty. Dean and Cas are bone heads who can't make up there minds. Human!Cas is also a little sh*t and I'm living for it. There's some smutty times in this one... (which can easily be skipped if you're not comfortable without losing any important points of the story. {at least I didn't feel like I missed anything})

17. Then I Defy You Stars* by @speary - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - So many tears were shed while I read this. The plot is just so amazing and a plot twist to end all plot twists at the end. It's full of sacrifice and love and angst and bittersweet moments. I love this fic (and I promise you will too.)

18. All the Nights by @NorthernSparrow - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This takes place after 15x03 episode "Golden Time". A bit of a fix it fic, but canon compliant to a point. I really love this fic (I love anything written by NorthernSparrow). Also a case!fic, which I'm always a softie for. Some big questions that I have since season 15 are addressed in this fic, and I absolutely love the way they are answered.

19. A Winter's Tale* by @NorthernSparrow - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Oh my gosh. So much Hurt!Castiel. There isn't outright Destiel but there is heavy DeanCas relations. This is a season 9 re write and it just hurts so much. If you can make it through all the pain, the happy ending makes it all worth it. Human!Cas just deserves so much better... Ahh! It's just so sad and perfect and awesome.

20. Give All My Secrets Away by @morganoconner - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This is a sweet little fic. Not particularly long, but oh so meaningful. Dean gets cursed and his soul is pushed from his body, leaving him vulnerable and scared (the author portrays the human soul in a very interesting way). Cas looks after him and it's just so fluffy.

21. Plot Holes* by @saltyfeathers - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Holy crap! This fic took me a whole week to finish and I enjoyed every minute of it! Every chance I got I would pull my phone out and read. I was rudely interrupted many many times so I just decided to finish it at night and stayed up until 2AM on a school night. (oops?) It's soooo well written and feels like an actual season of Supernatural. 12/10 all the way.

22. Someone Who's Feeling For Me by @ellispark - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: Here's a fic to kick you right in the feels. I actually really genuinely enjoyed reading this fic because of how well the characters are written! Dean, Sam, and Cas run into Lisa Braeden post her mind wipe in season 6 and it brings up a whole bunch of drama for our boys. (While also helping Dean realize that she was never really the person he wanted to be with 😉) A bit of light smut and a bit of angst but definitely worth a read.  

23. Chalk and Chainmail by @angelwingsandthings - Wattpad.

Thoughts : Oh this one is so good... It's very angsty at times and Dean is a lovable dork who can't win no matter what he does and Cas is just a confused little assbutt who doesn't know what to do with himself. (So he's himself if we're being perfectly honest here 😂) There's some light smut but nothing too graphic. This one is a Highschool!AU, so prepare yourself for the delightful drama that comes along with teenage hormones. (And Charlie is a total QUEEN and I'm living for it. I love her so much.)

24. Remember When * by @VioletHaze - Archive of Our Own

Thoughts: Sooo... I've been on a bit of a School!fic kick recently. (Not a little bit. Like a lot a bit thb) This one is just so god da*n perfect (scuse my French) Dean and Cas have been best friends since fifth grade; they do everything together. Then some crap happens and they get in a huge fight junior year. Years later, they finally make it back to each other. (*Cries in fangirl*) Warning, it's sad, it hurts like heck. But there's also so many perfect moments. I promise you won't regret reading it. (And once again Charlie is a total queen and I would give my life for her. She deserves so much better... {SPN writers I'm looking at you.})

25. Everytown, USA by @aileenrose - Archive Of Our Own.

Thoughts : I've seen this fic on tons of recs but never really thought much of it. But I kept seeing it so I decided to give it a read and boy was it worth it! This is just a great fic that has plenty of fluff (And angst... Because what's a Destiel fic without sadness and pain?) Cas is a lot different from his character in the show but somehow the exact same? He's Cas, but it's like he's what Cas would have been like if he had grown up human. I just love him so much in this fic (and I want to give him a hug too... 😢)

26. I Through My Window by @dehavilland - Live Journal.

Thoughts: I've seen this fic on several recs and I finally got around to reading it myself. Some ample Destiel angst to hit you right in the feels. But I love this fic because it is incredibly motivating! Post season 5 canon-divergent and Castiel is permanently rendered human. Dean is a ginormous penis head and leaves Cas to fend for himself. Cas pines after him for a while before realizing that he doesn't need Dean to live his life. Cas stans will love this one. I just gotta include a quote because it's just beautiful. "No, I don't need you. But I want you."  

27. A Light for My Path* by @domesticadventures - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts : Oh my goodness. This fic is just... *chefs kiss* Told from the perspective of Cas' Continental. (A.K.A "Connie") Dean and Cas are having a difficult time figuring out who they want to be after the end of the last The-End-Of-Times-We're-All-Gonna-Die, but they figure it out together. There are plenty of Impala!pov fics (and even an actual episode), but I don't think I've ever come across one from Connie's perspective. Definitely worth a read.

28. Named* by @RC_McLachlan - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts : Hooo boy. This fic.... This is a complete season five re write and I LOVE IT. It's pretty angsty, but it also has some funny times thrown in. Dean is a sassy girl the whole time and I love him so much. And the plot twist at the end literally blew my mind. (brains splattered on the ceiling and everything.) 12/10.

29. And Even In The Quiet Night by @KelpietheThundergod - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: Okay, this one is pretty sad. Not full on angst, but more fluffy sad. (If that makes sense...) Dean wants to celebrate Christmas but no one else seems interested. I just want to wrap Dean in a blanket and sing Hey Jude until he feels better! But don't worry, an absolute beautifully written cliche and sappy ending will make up for it.

30. Just More of the Same (*??) by @outpastthemoat - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts : There really aren't words to describe this series. It's just so fricken bleak but beautiful at the same time. I really don't know how to describe it. Read it, the only regret is that it ends. I honestly hated how it ended, so unfullfilling. But, that's life sometimes, and I think that's the whole point of the series. I don't know if I love it or hate it but there's no denying that it is absolutely beautifully written. 12/10

31. the cost of a thing**by @quiettewandering - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: Hooo boy! This is a great fic! Fake marriage? Check. Slow burn? Check. Case!fic? Check. Fluff and angst? Check. This fic has it all. This fic kicked me right in the feels. My gosh, beautifully written and the characterization is FLAWLESS. But trust me, bring tissues as you watch Dean and Cas, slowly, painfully, but surely heal the trust that was shattered between them. This is an AU for season 8 in which Dean was the one who undertook the trials, not Sam. Dean is dying and there's nothing Sam and Cas can do to stop him, especially since Dean is insistent on just giving up and accepting his fate. Cas can save Dean's life, but at what cost? Surely a terrible one... Angst insues. 10/10.  

32. I'll Dig a Hole and Pull You Through by @JoCarthage - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: If yall hated the DeanCas interaction in season six (didn't we all...?) then this is the fixit!fic for you. In this fic, Dean helps Cas defeat Raphael. And boy, there's some flangst. (Also Dom!Cas is a thing 😏)

33. Stitches by @Askance - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: I wouldn't exactly call this a fixit!fic, buuut it is a sort of fixit for season 7. (Except Cas gets hurt, which I hate. {So does Dean...}) Cas survives the Laviathan taking over his vessal but is rendered blind. Sam and Dean have to take care of him. Loads of whump and hurt/comfort. Definitely shed a tear or two (or twenty.)

34. The Way Out* by @awed_frog - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: *fangirl noises*. I hate to say this, but OMG! This fic blew my frickin mind! The time line is very confusing and the author gives you a way to read it in chronological order, but it's worth it to read the way it was published. Everything starts making sense around the third to last chapter and it is glorious (-ly sad and angsty.) But there is a happy ending and it's soooo worth it. First timetravel!fic I've ever read and it did not disappoint.

35. What is Hidden, What is Seen* by @ExpatGirl.

Thoughts : Wow! This is a pretty long fic but so worth it. The author joked several times about the fact that the fic is longer than her Masters thesis. This is a complete season 11 re write and I LOVE it. It's got some beautifully written OCs, Crowley, Rowena, and a certain someone who needs to come back canonically. (Again, looking at you Spn writers...) This is just written so well and the author was able to put in small Easter eggs the whole way through just like any real season would. Some light smut but nothing too graphic, angst (Hello, my name is angst but you can call me Destiel.) There's even some humour in here too! All in all, an absolutely beautifully written fic.

36. And This, Your Living Kiss*** by @opal_bullets - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: Okay, first off, insert fangirl screams here! I LOVED this fic. (And not just because I'm a clown {which I totally am} but for some personal reasons I'll elaborate on in a sec...) This is an amazingly written, thought-provoking, and heartwarming fic to read. I loved it especially as it featured poet!Dean which I don't find a lot of. Now, I particularly liked this fic because it really hit home for me. The author described exactly how I feel when it comes to poetry. They described how poets often write best in times of sadness and misery and how we often stop writing because we are destroying ourselves in our own heads and can find nothing to write about when we finally allow ourselves to be happy. The author puts it perfectly in this fic. Not only did the fic make me rethink some of the opinions that I've had on poetry writing for years, but it also inspired me to pick up my pen again after not writing for almost a year and a half. So, thank you to the author for getting me back into writing poetry. (I can't thank you enough! ❤️) Please read this fic yall!  

37. What We Remember by @Tiro - Fanfic.net

Thoughts : (Not Destiel btw) Oh my Chuck. This is soooo sad. Some nice emotionallyscarred!Dean for ya. It starts out so unassuming too! Totally blindsided me with the angst. But also some brotherly love between Sam and Dean. Definitely worth a read. (P. S, I'm writing this from the floor of my room while I sob in fangirl.)

38. More or Less by @schmerzerling - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Oh my goodness this is such a great fic. Lots of emotional angst and trauma (Just the way I like it.) This fic is so amazing and I loved every minute of it. There are so few stutter!Dean fics out there. This fic is unfinished and hasn't been updated since 2016 but I think it is still worth a read. The point at which the fic is left off has no immediate cliff hangers so I think that the fic can still be appreciated as is. Definitely worth a read.

39. Every Part of the Animal (*?) by @Askance and @Komodobits - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - I hate this fic. I hate how dam* near perfectly written it is. I hate it for the hours I spent crying. I hate it for the hope it gave me before ripping it away like it was a game. This fic was recommended to me on a group chat. I was warned. I was warned that it was a terrifying, horrific, and heartbreaking fic. What did I do?? I read it anyway. (Shocker, I know...) This fic is genuinely terrifying. It's horrific and I have to say, READ THE THE TAGS. Beautifully written, as to be expected by the authors. (Both of whom have featured on this list before.) This is a case fic gone horribly, horrifically, disgustingly wrong. 10/10 would recommend, but be warned: there is NOT a happy ending.

40. Hautley's Bend **** by @ColdInTheStudio - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Okay! So, first of, if you aren't into long fics this is absolutely NOT the fic for you. A whopping 42 chapters, all masterfully written without a flaw or typo in sight. I LOVE this fic with all my heart. I mean, I'm an absolute clown when it comes to Highschool!AUs, but this fic is just... *chef's kiss. * This is the Highschool!fic you have all been wanting. It's got angst, it's got fluff, emotional trauma, not to mention some fan favourite characters. (Gabriel, Charlie, and Kevin to name just a few.) But you should check out the tags before reading as there's some heavy stuff dealt with in this fic: Dean is not a very nice person at the beginning of this fic. There's also underage drinking and detailed substance abuse. Self harm is also pretty prominent in this fic as well as some A+ John Winchester parenting. But the pain is so, so worth it. Bring tissues!

41. Stay With Me, Sweetheart by @MandalaRose - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - The fluff is too much! I mean, we got firefighter!Dean saving Cas' life! (For Chuck's sake...What more could you ask for?) Also some single father Cas caring for a baby Clair, so some cute daddy!Cas for your troubles. So sweet and heartwarming and a very happy ending. 10/10.

42. Season Z*** by @Castielslostwings, @CR Noble, @cutelittlekitty, @EllenOfOz, @fangirlingtodeath513, @heylittleangel, @jscribbles, @MalMuses, and @son_of_a_bitch_spn_family - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts - So you might notice that there are LOTS of authors listed above and they all came together to create something beautiful. They started publishing chapters right after the season 14 finale and published a chapter every week until the season 15 premier. This is, essentially, a complete season 15 re write. It is masterfully done! Team Free Will vs. a zombie apocalypse. Also, lots and lots of old faces all brought together to save the world one last time. There's some heartbreak, some love, some smut, some fluff. (Also some Samwena to make everything even better.) 22 long chapters, each feeling like an actual episode, made this fic seem like an actual season. (And I wish the writers would steal from this fic's finale and make some... stuff... finally canon.) Truly a timeless Destiel masterpiece.

43. Something about Pinneaples by @lizleenimbus - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This is an EXTREMELY adorable little DeanCas ficlet. No angst, no Big Sad ™, just sweet sweet, tooth rotting Destiel fluff.

44. Last Night on Earth by @the_communist_unicorn - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Sooo, I'm sure we all remember that disastrous night out, when the first big ol Apocalypse was gearing up, and Dean found out that Cas was an eons-old virgin... And I'm sure we all remember the disaster that was Cas and a prostitute. Anyways, here's what might have happened if Dean had taken a bit more of a... hands on approach. 😏 The chapters are all episodes that took place after the season five episode "Free To Be You And Me" and how they would have unfolded had Destiel become canon. I will warn you, their is smut (easily skippable) and there is DEFINITELY some angst. The whole thing is capped off with a bittersweet alternate ending to season five finale "Swan Song." I can't say much else without spoiling the ending, but all in all it is a very good fic to read.

45. Painted Angels *** by @WinJennster - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- HOLY FRAHOLY. I love this fic. A beautiful take on the classic trope of "We Had Something Good But I Ruined It, Now I'm Gonna Show Up Twelve Years Later And Try To Fix It... Also You're Engaged To Someone Else. Oops?" But seriously, all joking aside, this is an awesome fic. Painter!Dean x Writer!Cas, a match made in Heaven. (Hehe, get it? Heaven? Sorry I'll leave.) HOWEVER, do please be mindful of the tags. There is mentions of suicide and a couple paragraphs describing a rather grizzly accident to one of the main characters. Also, some lovely A+ John Winchester Parenting ™ and several instances of homophobic language. Still, this is an amazingly written fic and I can't stress how much I enjoyed it.  

46. Forgotten *** by @NorthernSparrow - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- So, first off, I have to talk about the author for a little bit. I have read every single fic by Northern Sparrow and EVERY SINGLE ONE is a friggin masterpiece. The amount of research and backstory that goes into these fics is truly awe-inspiring. Northern Sparrow leaves no plot holes, no mistakes, no typos, nada. Now, the actual fic in question is no exception. While not particularly a Destiel fic, it can be taken as pre slash. There is a sequel, a Destiel version and a non Destiel version, called Flight that I am currently reading as well. (The Destiel version of course 🤡) There is some serious whump and angst here, both physical and emotional. This fic is a canon divergent from around mid season 9, in which there is no Mark of Cain and is a continual re write of the season. Cas goes through a lot in this fic (my poor baby) and Dean and Sam go through some gnarly stuff as well. This is such a good fic, I really can't stress enough. I wish I was half as talented as Northern Sparrow is when it comes to writing stories. I promise, you will NOT be disappointed. 12/10

47. All is safely gathered in by @randomdestielfangirl - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Here is a cute little coda for season 12 episode 6, “Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox.” It’s mostly Mary-centric and her understanding of the Dean/Cas relationship. I’ve always had a soft spot for season 12 codas where Mary sees that Dean and Sam have grown up. (Especially those that have DeanCas in them.)

48. Bring Up the Deep by @deathbanjo - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Here is a pretty cool case!fic with eventual Destiel fluff at the end. The story line is a little heavy and dark, but nothing more than canon-typical violence. This involves Sam, Dean, and a human Cas traveling to the beach to investigate a “sea monster.” Fair warning, there are moments describing Cas’ depression and struggle with figuring out who he is and who he wants to be, but again, not as bad as season 9... (STILL not forgiving the writers for that fiasco.)

49. Hazy Shade of Winter by @GeekPrincess - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Here is yet another case!fic. This one has Team Free Will and Mary teaming up to solve a case in rural Wyoming in the middle of winter. It takes place not too long after Mary’s resurrection and Sam being freed from the British Men of Letters. At first it seems to be just a normal case, but per Winchester fashion, someone ends up getting attacked. Definitely worth a read.  

50. A Little Old Fashioned by @theheartchoice - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Another coda, sorry... (I’ve been going through a faze) This one takes place in the aftermath of 14x13 episode “Lebanon.” I was disappointed that Cas didn’t play that big of a role in the 300th episode. I thought for sure he would considering he WASN’T EVEN IN THE 200TH EPISODE. *Clears throat* Umm, ya. Just some Destiel fluff of Cas taking care of Dean’s wounds the old fashioned way after John’s departure.  

51. Same Deep Water by @braezenkitty - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Team Free Will heads to California to investigate a string of mysterious deaths in a supposedly haunted hotel called the Brookdale Lodge, nestled in the redwoods of Santa Cruz. I particularly enjoyed this fic because it has a definite early SPN vibe. Very creepy and eerie and reminded me a lot of No Exit (2x06) and Playthings (2x11). Also a bit of flirty!Cas and jealous!Dean.  

52. Looking for a Sign* by @emwebb17 - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- THIS FIC... is sooo adorable. Holy Chuck. Dean meets Cas on his bus ride to work and tries to talk with him. Not realizing that Cas is deaf, Dean just assumes he’s being ignored and goes out of his way to get Cas to interact with him. After weeks of no response he finally realizes that Cas can’t hear him and so Dean offers that they start over with their acquaintanceship. Dean meets all of Cas’ friends and they quickly grow closer and closer. They would be perfect for each other except Cas refuses to date hearing people. (Also, bonus points for the pun in the title.)

53. Peanut Butter-Pumpkin Wedding Cake by @Sparseparsley - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- I’ve seen this fic on so many rec lists and I’m so mad that it took me this long to finally read it. Bartender!Dean meets Cas at a bachelor party and they hit it off right away. Then, when Cas’ car breaks down, Dean offers to drive him around to make preparations for the upcoming wedding. Dean has a massive crush, but thanks to Dean’s remarkable ability to jump to conclusions, he thinks that Cas is the one getting married in 2 weeks. Read it just for the sake of watching two idiots dance around each other for weeks on end. They aren’t fooling anyone but themselves.  

54. My Marble Guardian by @LadyDrace - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Bring tissues cuz this one hurts like a season 12 finale. (Heh. I’m hilarious.) Dean is killing himself trying to support little Sam after their parents die. Dean is close to ending it all and takes to talking to the marble angel statue that sits by his mother’s grave. I can’t say much else without spoiling the ending so you’ll have to read it yourself to find out how it ends.  

55. The Law of Equivalent Exchange** by @awed_frog - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Holy crap! This fic is truly amazing. @awed-frog is one of my favourite authors of all time. (And has featured on this rec list before.) This fic follows Castiel caring for his ward, a man who will one day be called Dean Winchester. Follow Cas through Rome, Greece, Paris, Russia, Germany, and more as he guides the impossibly bright soul that Heaven claims will one day save them all. In other words, Cas is sent to earth to watch over Dan, son of Enoch and continues to do so until January 24th, 1979, the day Dean Winchester is finally born. The fic then becomes canon-compliant all the way until season 11, then stems into a canon-divergent for defeating Amara. All from Cas’ POV, we see how he went from being Castiel, Angel of Tears and Thursdays to Cas, Angel of Dean Winchester. 12/10.  

56. A Way Back Home* by @thatpeculiarone - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Another AU with deaf!Cas. Dean is a lonely bakery owner whose past is full of heartbreak and loss. He meets Clair Novak, a mute girl who has no one to talk to, after Jody suggests that they meet. Neither are too keen on the idea at first, but they soon discover a perfect remedy for their predicament. Dean loves to tell stories and Clair loves to hear them. Dean has a story for every pastry in his bakery, and Clair soon realizes that all of Dean’s stories seem to revolve around one person. After finally discovering why Dean always looks sad when no one is looking, hates Valentines Day with a passion, and only ever talks about his best friend in the past tense, Clair is determined to help Dean get the happily-ever-after that he never got to have.  

57. Such Familiar Magic by @saltnhalo - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This fic was inspired by the artwork of very talented @lizleeships here on Tumblr. This is the first witch AU I’ve ever read and it did not disappoint. Cas is a reclusive witch with unimaginable power and Dean is one of the most powerful familiars in North America. Both of our boys have some dark secrets and ghosts from their pasts threaten to separate the two for good.

58. I'm fine by @lizleenimbus - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Can I just say, WOW. This one is yet another small ficlet to go along with @lizleeships artwork. This fic, despite its short length, is so potent and amazing! The writer effortlessly blends the canon SPN with the world of Destiel and I am LIVING for it. The somber and quiet nature of this fic makes it an excellent read for a late at night fanfic session.

59. The Shadows on his Shoulders by @lizleenimbus (Yes, I know. Two in a row... I don't care.)- Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Okay, first off, @lizleenimbus has become one of my favourite fic writers EVER. This fic is canon compliant (sort of) for season 6, just when Dean is beginning to figure out that something is wrong with Sam. (In the soul department, that is.. .) This here is a wingfic to end all wingfics. I love the writing, the characterization, the plot, everything, just... *chefs kiss.*

60. The Care and Feeding of Castiel by @MalMuses - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Soooo, another wingfic!! (No, I don't have a problem. YOU have a problem...) I am a total sucker for wing!grooming DeanCas fics. I just, gosh! I love them so much! I love this fic more every time, no matter how many times I've read it before.  

61. Asunder by @rageprufrock - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Now, listen here lil clowns. Everyone loves a good "I need a plus one for my brother's wedding" trope and this here fic is the perfect one. And if you don't love it, this is absolutely NOT the fic for you. Sam is getting married and Dean doesn't want to go to it alone, so he enlists the company of his best friend Cas to go with him. Shenanigans and misunderstandings ensue, topped off with a healthy serving of meddling family members. A great rainy afternoon read.

62. Good Call by @sysrae - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - First, please be mindful of the tags as Dean meets Cas by talking him off of a ledge. However, despite the horrible start, this series is still incredibly fluffy and sappy. It also has Therapist!Benny being exasperated by Dean and Cas' utter stupidity around each other. This is a very heartwarming fic that balances the angst with fluff perfectly.

63. 'Tis but a Crush by @Annie D - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Here is an awesome little meet cute modern AU fic! Cas notices that a man with startling green eyes stares at him whenever they are together. Cas is interested immediately but the green eyed man seems too shy to approach Cas. Fluff and awkward moments soon follow.

64. Where There's Smoke, Theres Fire** by @OsirisApollo - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - So, first of, I am absolutely in LOVE with Firefighter!Dean. Cas is an ER doctor who meets Dean after the fire alarm in his apartment building goes off. Cas manages to make a fool of himself but is comforted by the fact that he'll never see the attractive firefighter again. Boy, was Cas wrong. The two men seem to run into each other practically everywhere, and no matter how hard Cas tries, he always seems to embarrass himself with every meeting. This fic was responsible for making me squeal aggressively at 2 AM. 10/10 Destiel fluff.

65. Forget - Me - Not -Blues*** by @noangelsinthegarrison - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This is a fic that I go back and read over and over again. It’s got a perfect balance of fluff and angst, misunderstandings, and a healthy dose of clueless, meddling family and friends. Bottom line is, Sam is getting married and Dean is going to be the best man. He’s thrilled, until he finds out that Castiel Novak is Jess’ honorary Maid of Honour. Dean and Cas had a... something or other back in high school. Dean would ask to be friends again but Cas is intent on pretending that they never knew each other in the first place. Misunderstandings, awkward moments, and an obscene amount of embarrassment ensues, no thanks at all to the “tradition” surrounding the Maid of Honour and the Best Man. 10/10.  

66. Ignore the Butterflies: Best Friend Advice from Dean Winchester by @impatient14 - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Okay, this one has practically every romcom trope out there... AND I AM LIVING FOR IT. (*Clears throat) Ya, soooo. Doctor Cas and Firefighter Dean are friends. Best friends actually. Totally platonic bros. A bromance for the ages. The broist bros to ever bro. That’s it. No homosexual feelings to be found here. None at all... Or so Dean tries to convince himself.  

67. Prosopagnosia by @misseditallagain - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Man, this fic is really adorable and quite heartbreaking at times. Cas has a cognitive disorder that means he can’t ever remember faces. He’s given up on finding love until he meets one Dean Winchester, but he’s afraid to tell his hot date the truth about his condition. Assumptions are made and misunderstandings threaten to tear the two apart for good, but maybe there’s a chance for these two after all.  

68. Midnight Blues AKA To Hell and Back (Courtesy of Sig Sauer) by @outofminutes - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- As we all know, I am a glutton for damaged!Dean being cared for by Cas. Dean is a war veteran. He’s been discharged for five years but he hasn’t dared to go back home until now. He’s not the same person he was all those years ago and the constant haunting of horrors past threaten to tear him apart. Thankfully, he’s got a loving family and a new friend (Hehe. Guess who. Sorry, I’ll leave) to help him pick up the pieces.  

69. Scars by @lemonsorbae - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Okay, first off: WOOOO 69! NOICE! OKay, I’m done... So, this fic stands out to me for the writers unique take on some popular tropes. Dean is a tattoo artist with green hair (Insert Priestly from Ten Inch Hero here.) and Cas is the stereotypical hipster. They don’t get along very well at the beginning of this fic. (Which is a HUGE understatement btw). Then, a drunken party leads to certain... unsavory actions, and both swear that it will never happen again. And that’s a total lie. Lots of smutty times in this one so be warned, also references to past trauma for both of our favourite boys so please mind the tags before reading.  

70. The One Thing You Can’t Lose by @MajorEnglishEsquire - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This is just a cuddly, tooth-rottingly fluffy little ficlet for some happy DeanCas feels. Warning: Do not read in public place for there WILL be squeals.  

71. The Ugly Sweater Verse by @nerdylittledude - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- I know, I know. Everyone who’s ever read Destiel fanfiction has heard of the Ugly Sweater Verse. I don’t care! I’m reccing it anyway. A newly human Castiel wants to experience every holiday to its fullest, dragging Dean and Sam (But mostly Dean) along with him. This is an AU for after season 5 in which Sam is alive, Cas is human, and Dean finally gets his head out of his ass. (With a little... okay a lot of help from the rest of Team Free Will.) This is an awesome feel-good Verse that is always nice to read after a bad day. There is a prequel to this Verse that is stand-alone, but you don’t have to read it to get the rest of the Verse. (Also, if you’re only looking for fluffy times then I wouldn’t recommend reading the prequel. You have been warned.)

72. Cats and Tats by @Jemariel - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This here is the quintessential Coffee Shop AU that no one asked for (Well.. I asked for it. I’m lonely dammit)  Cas owns a coffee shop that is right next door to a tattoo shop owned by our own Dean Winchester. Dean doesn’t like the pastel coffee shop because it totally ruins his badassery vibe, and Cas doesn’t need another distraction like Dean, and poor Sam never gets a moments peace.  

73. Moving On by @BruisedCastiel - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Castiel is a witch who reads fortunes for a living. One day he gets a customer named Dean whose reading has a shocking outcome. Not too much later, Dean’s ghost comes looking for Castiel seeking answers. This fic starts out pretty sad and things look hopeless for Dean and Cas but don’t worry! There’s a happy ending.  

74. Into the Fire** by @NorthernSparrow- Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- I’ve mentioned on this list before that NorthernSparrow is my favourite fic writer of all time. And their work has been featured several times on this list before. Now, be warned. This fic gets VERY dark VERY quickly. Dean, shortly after the Mark of Cain is removed, is cursed and he kills Cas. The trauma of the Mark, the guilt he feels for killing Cas, and the looming threat of the Darkness sends Dean into a mental breakdown. Sam, mourning the loss of Cas himself, is left to try and put together what is left of Dean’s sanity AND to come up with a plan to defeat the Darkness. Sam and Dean, with the help of several allies, come together to save the universe once and for all. This is a full AU starting sometime in early season 11 and finishes all the way through the end of the season. There is a lot of sadness and guilt in this fic, so please be careful going into it. Bring tissues. I cried gratuitously throughout this fic. But don’t worry because THERE IS A HAPPY ENDING. Bonus points for TrueForm!Cas. 15/10.  

75. There’d Be No Distance by @imogenbynight - Archive Of  Our Own.  

Thoughts- Just a short, feel-good, fluffy Christmas fic for ya. Cas is lonely on New Years because he assumes that he won’t be welcome to the family get-together. But don’t worry! Dean sets the record straight with his angel. (Well...Not straight but... you know what I mean.)  

76. Imperfect Proposals by @Fallen_Angel_Meg - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Okay, so, Cas is a total jerk at the beginning of this fic. He’s demanding, arrogant, cruel, and just rude to practically everyone who works at his firm. Dean is his new assistant and needs this job if he’s ever going to make it as an architect, but Castiel isn’t making it easy for him. Things get more complicated when Cas is threatened with being deported so he says that Dean is his fiance. Dean isn’t on board until Cas threatens to fire him if he doesn’t play along. Now they just  have to make it through Sam and Jess’ wedding. Easy... Right?  (There IS a happy ending it just takes these two idiots a while to get there.)

77. The Novak Hickey Mystery by @FagurFiskur - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This is just a short ficlet involving Professor Novak’s mysterious relationship and some VERY nosy students. Nice and quick happy-go-lucky fic with no angst and plenty of tooth rotting fluff.  

78. Come Back* by @lizleenimbus - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is yet another short, canon-verse ficlet for you guys. (I know these last couple fics have been pretty short but I have been reading so many long fics recently that I’ve needed a bit of a mental break from the stress of a slow burn lol) Anyways, this is one of my favourite authors. Literally, every single thing by this author is a freaking gold mine of Destiel goodness. This particular ficlet chronicles Dean and Cas sharing an intimate conversation after a particularly nasty hunt. I love these types of fics in which Dean and Cas actually Use There Words™ and talk like Grown Ups™. (Never happens canonically so I’ll take what I can get. Looking at you SPN writers.) ALSO, this has artwork also by  @lizleeships! I swear, this individual is too frickin talented. 10/10!

79. And then there were Six* by @lizleenimbus - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- I know, I know. Two in a row by the same author... This author rocks okay! (Seriously, go check them out) This right here is a wing fic my friends. But not the type we are used to. It involves a bashful Cas, flustered Dean (And I know we ALL love a flustered Dean), and a very amused little brother. I love this ficlet especially as it is a beautiful take on the fact that Seraphim are supposed to have six wings.  

80. Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day by @awed_frog - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Here’s another fic from a “rec list favourite” author of mine. This is a pretty cool case fic with an awesome monster of the week. (Japanese folklore at its finest.) A creature manifests itself as a person’s true love. Sam sees Jess, Cas sees Dean, Dean sees Cas (And has a freakout along the way.)  

81. Memories Bring Back Memories (Bring Back You) by @sobsicles - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Hoooo Boy! Talk about an angst fest. Set sometime in early season 15, Dean and Cas get their memories wiped and Dean is convinced that they are serial killers on the run from some tall guy named Sam. Things get awkward when they get their memories back, as they also remember what the two of them did when they were on the run together. Dean talks out of his ass, Cas gets angry (rightfully so), Sam and Eileen just want a moments peace, and LOTS of bad blood gets let out out into the open for the first time in years. This fic was hard to read because, true to Winchester fashion, Dean and Cas’ communication during this fic is TERRIBLE. Just when you think the two of them are about to hash things out, one of them goes and says something stupid and they have to start all over again. I definitely recommend this fic, but be prepared to brave some hardcore angst before Dean and Cas get their happy ending.  

82. Lost in Words, Hand in Hand* by @hallowgirl - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This is the fluffiest fluffy fic to ever fluff! (Try saying that 10 times fast.) Dean tells Cas that he never got read to as a child, so Cas takes it upon himself to read to Dean. It was supposed to be a one time thing, but the two enjoy the time together more than they thought they would. Plus, there’s so many books to read, and laying in the same bed is just practical. That’s it. Just guys being dudes. And if Dean happens to fall asleep on Cas’ shoulder? Well, that’s not his fault at all. (Also, bonus points for Sam being the typical smug little bro who lets Dean know that he and Cas aren’t as subtle as they think they are.) 

83. La Hantise** by @quiettewandering - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Okay so, I have been waiting to read this fic for FOREVER. I read the first couple chapters a long time ago (back when it was still a WIP) and I immediately fell in love. I decided, rather painfully, to stop reading and save it to my Marked For Later until it was finished. I have a hard time when it comes to WIPs because I forget what I read during the previous update and I often times lose interest until I can read it all in one go. I couldn’t wait to read it and I was not disappointed! This fic is BEAUTIFULLY written and the story seems to come to life before your eyes. This is the Destiel we all fell in love with; Two damaged and broken beings finding peace within each other. Warning: these two are complete idiots and there’s a lot of pining and some pretty hefty angst. Castiel’s backstory is truly, completely and utterly, tragic. Dean’s isn’t a picnic either I suppose, but it’s Cas past that comes back to haunt Dean and Cas in this fic. The author seamlessly interweaves the reality with the make believe and it sucks the reader into the story effortlessly. 14/10. A Destiel classic.  

84. Cheers, Angel Eyes by @wannaliveindeansdimples - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- As I’m sure you all know by now, I am in love with bartender! and barista!Dean. This fic has a healthy dose of bartender!Dean for you. In this fic, Castiel, known to Dean only as Angel Eyes, is a regular at the bar that Dean owns. The two hit it off during the few conversations that they have and decide to give themselves a chance. Very minimal angst and only just a small bit of pining from Dean’s POV. A very good, quick, none painful read.  

85. best friends without benefits by @lizbobjones - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This fic is set between the end of season 11 and the beginning of season 12 and is canon divergent for the most part. This one is pretty funny and enjoyable to read, if only for the sake of poor Sam and Mary dealing with two complete idiots. Dean lets slip to Cas that he finds Cas driving Baby “hot” and Cas admits that he has known of Dean’s attraction for years. Cas proposes he and Dean enter a Friends With Benefits relationship and Dean just can’t say no. But Dean just digs himself deeper and deeper into trouble after he mistakes Cas’ preposition as a rejection of deeper feelings. Misunderstandings happen, Dean is a big baby, Cas is clueless, and Sam is stuck in the middle.  

87. Shifter by @@LadyLini - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- There are tons and tons of fics out there where Dean and Cas are the bumbling idiots of the story (Yes, just like in the show) and Sam is the one who has everything figured out. But this fic looks at the idea of Sam being the one out of the loop and Dean and Cas being the ones who actually know what the heck is going on. This is a cool AU in which Sam went to Stanford, John Winchester is still an ass hole, and Destiel is canon. This was a cool take on how the events of the show would have taken place if Sam wasn’t there and Cas had been the one to save Dean from Azazel.  

89. diamond star halo by @jad - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This is a wonderfully light-hearted little fic in which Cas possesses Dean while his vessel recovers from the attack dog spell. We also get some great brotherly banter, Cas and Dean bickering like an old married couple, and other Team Free Will shenanigans. Also, poor Sam.  

90. like moses and batman and james dean by @saltyfeathers - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Oooohh boy. This fic is quite the can of worms for me. Here, the author gives us a more detailed account of Dean’s past of turning tricks in order to raise little Sammy, and how this past is affecting his current relationship with our Wayward Angel. This is a heavier fic and please be mindful of the tags (Yes, John Winchester’s A+ parenting is one of them...) But it DOES have a happy ending.  

91. any port in the storm by @mishcollin - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- If you are looking for a case!fic with Dean and Cas pretending to be dating on a couple’s cruise then you have come to the right place. I love this fic specifically for the care and detail of the case. Even more, there are lots and lots of OCs in this fic and every single one of them has their own personality and backstory. Be warned: there are lots of arguments between the elder Winchester and newly human Castiel. (Most of them because Dean is a big ol idiot in this fic and keeps the possible location of Cas’ fallen grace from him because of his Winchester Fear Of Abandonment ™)

92. Sunset Plaza by @LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Dang! This is a great fic. Cas is practically married to his work and never goes on vacations, so his loving brother Gabriel decides to book him a weekend at a resort. Cas ends up having to share his room with one Dean Winchester the first night due to a problem with the server at the hotel. But they manage to make the best of it (if ya know what I mean...) Everything is great until its time to go home. They could make it work, but our lovable idiots can’t let anything be that easy. (Extra points for a little dash of Sabriel and meddling Gabriel.)

93. Longing by @whelvenwings - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This is a really fluffy fic set in canonverse. Dean and Cas finally have a discussion that has been long in the making, ending years of mutual pining. The tone of this fic is very sweet and is a great, feel-good, nighttime read. Give me Destiel and Impala confessions and I’m one happy clown.  

94. Hallelujah! Noel! Be it Heaven or Hell by @EnochianThings - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- EnochianThings is one of my favourite fic writers of all time! I can’t believe its taken me this long to rec this fic. This is an angsty holiday fic in which Cas confesses his feelings first and Dean is a total assbutt about it. Dean is at a loss after he realizes that he might of just driven away the one thing that could have made him the happiest: Cas. (Oh, don’t get me started on a rejected Cas... My heart can’t bear his sultry seraphim sadness.)

95. I’ll Cross the Sky for You by @superhoney - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- I am going to start this off by saying that I wasn’t really into this fic at first. I had found it through tags alone and it sat in my Marked for Later for months. I liked the tags, but I wasn’t sure about the premise of the fic. I could NOT have been more wrong. This fic was absolutely adorable. Barista!Dean meets Captain!Castiel... but in space! (With space ships and everything!) Anyways, very adorable, very cute. Definitely worth checking out.  

96. Nepeta Cataria* by @thepopeisdope - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- I would literally give anything for there to be more Witch!Cas x Familiar!Dean fics out there. This is one of my favourite AUs and I feel like it is so lacking compared to many of the others. In this fic, Cas is a lonesome witch who plants catnip to prevent mosquitoes from being in his garden. Little did he know that it would also attract Dean, a powerful familiar, who just so happens to be the love of Cas’ life. (Familiar!Dean is almost always a dog in the fics I find so it was great to get to see him as a cat. Honestly, Cat Familar!Dean might be my favourite.)

97.Texas State of Mind** by @palominopup – Archive of Our Own. 

Thoughts- This is an awesome fic with country singer Castiel Novak meeting Dean Winchester, a man who was once an award-winning country music star. Dean has a complicated past, as he didn’t leave the industry on a good note (Compliments of John Winchester’s A+ Parenting™) He’s sworn off ever singing again and is content to look after his horses for the rest of his life... That is, until Cas Novak wants to sing a duet. This is an awesome fic with lots of familiar SPN faces. It takes Dean and Cas a little while to come around for each other, but once they do, they’re a fluffy force to be reckoned with.

98. In Real Life by @cloudyjenn – Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This is a hilarious little meetcute in which Dean has been communicating with this guy online... They’ve never done anything but exchange messages and texts, never even seen each other’s faces, but Dean is pretty sure he’s in love with him. Sam decides that such a relationship is completely pointless if the two will never meet so he introduces his brother to Castiel. Dean thinks he’s hot and would totally go out with him, but he just can’t bring himself to like someone other than his online mystery man. But Cas is fine with Dean not being interested, mostly because there’s this guy he met online who, even though they’ve never met... Aaaand ya. You all can guess where this is going hahaha. But it gets even better when Sam realizes that Dean and Cas are each other’s mystery online crushes and decides to have a little fun with it. 

99. Rentboy by @Naoe – Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Dean Winchester’s life hasn’t been pretty, but he’s happy with it because at least he got Sammy the life and opportunities he wanted. Dean’s life takes an interesting turn when he meets Castiel at a benefit. Dean, ashamed of his job, comes up with a new name and a new life story for this strange man. Somehow, the two form an unlikely bond, Dean supporting Castiel as his wife is dying. But the lie Dean told is still there and he has no idea how to fix it. And once Castiel’s wife is gone, the lie is the only thing keeping them from truly being together. Castiel isn’t in love with Dean Winchester... at least, not the real one. Needless to say, life isn’t easy for a Rent boy in the 80s. 

100. Silver and Cold by @superhoney – Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Silver and Cold is an amazing AU in which Castiel is a wayward hunter afraid of settling down and a dark past that haunts him everywhere he goes. While on a case investigating a possible werewolf attack, Cas runs into Dean Winchester, a recluse who lives up in the woods of Sydnam, Maine. He’s got a bad temper and a past to rival Cas’. If it weren't for the alarming amount of evidence pointing towards Dean being the werewolf, Cas thinks Dean might just be more kind than he lets people believe. 

101. Any Little Heartbreak* by @followthattardis – Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This was a fic that I started reading a long time ago, but somehow lost and couldn’t find it again. But I finally found it and the joy I felt was unparalleled. (My little clown heart could barely take it) Dean is a heart surgeon. He’s frickin good at it to... Maybe even one of the best in the US. He knows everything there is to know about the human heart. (“Anatomically speaking”) He’s just transferred to a new hospital and the head nurse is totally hot. And Dean also happens to make a fool of himself in front of said nurse on his very first day at the hospital. From there, it seems that despite his best efforts, Cas doesn’t like Dean at all. (And EVERYONE likes Dean so, what the hell?) Dean thinks his crush will go away if he can just get all that tension out of his system... Boy was he wrong. I LOVE this fic and I am so glad I was able to find it again. I especially liked how all the hospital staff were all familiar faces. 😊 

102. What happened between me and Cas* by @AthenaErrata – Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This right here?? Broke me. BROKE ME I TELL YOU. (*Clears throat) This is a coda set just after 11x19 episode The Chitters, in which Dean finally tells Sam everything. The secret kisses, stolen touches. The betrayals, the lies, the guilt. Everything. All the things involving Cas that Dean promised himself he would never tell another soul. Dean retells events from seasons 4 to 11 and gives a bit more info into just why he and Cas can never truly be happy together. The fic continues into a canon-compliant tale all the way until a beautiful happy reunion set in 13x06 episode Tombstone. 

103. True Faces* by @Tibbins – Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- I'm pretty sure that this author has featured on this rec list a couple times before. Tibbins is one of my favourite SPN writers of all time. This is a trilogy verse in which Dean, Sam, and Cas tell some truths that should have been shared a LONG time ago. In the first one, titled “Behind the Mask”, Dean convinces Sam to open up about some things that has been bothering him and Sam finally sheds some light on what it was like being tortured by Lucifer. The second, titled “In the Mind”, follows Dean as he opens up to Sam following the conversation from the first fic. He tells Sam more of what happened in Hell and why he will never really be able to wipe the blood off his hands. The last fic (Which is pre slash Destiel) titled “Under the Skin”, Cas gets to discuss with Dean the things that haunt the angel’s mind. The last one is especially painful... Though the two finally admit their feelings for one another, Dean explains to Cas why he just isn’t ready yet. It’s sad, but it has a hopeful ending.

104. In My Time of Vinyl by @freclesarechocolate - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- First off, damn! This fic is one to pull at your heartstrings. I am a a shameless lover of hurt!Dean and this fic delivers beautifully. Cas, driven to seek shelter from the rain, enters the record shop owned by Dean. Dean is sweet and offers shelter for the night and Cas ends up promising to come back to buy some records. The two create a fast friendship but Cas ends up noticing some things that are a little off with Dean. He’s always smiling, but sometimes the smiles can’t cover up the sadness in his eyes. He doesn’t talk about his family or his past, and he never seems to have a lot of food in his fridge. This is a story of coming to terms with mental health, friendship, love, trust, and letting others help you. I absolutely recommend this fic! Quick warning, however, Dean has a very troubled life and his story is no picnic ride. Be sure to check out the tags before reading.

105. Hunter’s Caress*** by @Ltleflrt - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is probably in my top five most favourite Destiel fics of all time. I have read this fic all the way through at least twice now. The story follows Castiel Jameson, a Pinkerton Detective, who is on a quest to revenge his murdered brother. He seeks the help of the outlaw Dean Winchester, a dangerous man who supposedly has enough blood on his hands to fill an ocean. Cas saves Dean and his brother Sam from being hung in exchange for their assistance in tracking the rat bastard who killed his brother. The two start out as enemies, then to begrudging allies, friend, and maybe even something more. Cas tries to keep his mind on business, but he aches to learn the feeling of a Hunter’s Caress. 20/10. Be warned though, this fic gets pretty gritty. The world of hunters and outlaws is messy and dangerous. This fic deals with death, injury, rape, and worse. Be careful before heading in but I assure you, this fic will not disappoint.

106. Love Bites* by @malmuses - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- MalMuses is one of the best fic writers out there. A true legend in the SPN fandom! This fic is one of my favourite as it features Creature!Dean x Human!Castiel. In this fic, Cas takes in a bat that his cat got a hold of. Cas knows that there’s something special about this bat. He seems to understand human speech and loves hamburgers. But even stranger, his eyes are the exact same green as the cute mechanic who comes into the coffee shop sometimes.

!107-117. All of these are just codas set for post 15x18 and for post finale/finale rewrites. They are pretty much very similar. Dean breaks down and Sam is left to pick up the pieces. Most, if not all, have happy/hopeful endings.

107. Everything is Blue  by @malmuses - AO3

108. Tag to “Despair” by @Alvinola- AO3

109. Time by @Chipper99- AO3

110. When It All Crashes Down by @spacegirlstuff - AO3

111. Through the clouds by @judithhandronicus - AO3

112. Because it is by @60r3d0m - AO3

113. the burden of belonging by @Newtondale - AO3

114. Counting the days by @WanderUntilLost - AO3

115. The Weight of Silence by @jscribbles - AO3

116. As It Should Be by @Loser_Angel_666 - AO3

117. When you have a home by @Firebog - Archive of Our Own.

118. What’s Left Unsaid (Is Finally Said) by @A_Place_To_Roam - Archive of Our Own. 

119. When you have a future by @Firebog - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a lovely fic in which Sam succeeds in closing Hell and Castiel is able to board up Heaven. Everyone lives happily-ever-after. No looming Apocalypse, no higher power, no fate. Found family is the only thing that remains. But Dean is left with this strange feeling rolling around in his gut. Like he’s waiting for the next disaster to happen. Meanwhile Sam learns about dog poetry from Castiel, Team Free Will gets pet rabbits (named after porn stars), Dean finally gets his head out of his ass, and Sam learns something shocking about his older brother.

120. Remarkable by @shiphitsthefan - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Castiel’s the new elementary school teacher in town. One of his classmates, one Ben Braeden, has a father who is just as annoying as was promised. Dean’s “helpful” books and readings he brings Castiel about being more socially aware get easily dismissed as overly-involved-parent-crap. But that all changes after Castiel reads Ben Braeden’s essay assignment.

121. (Dis) Affection by @justkeeponwriting - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This fic!!!!! This fic is soo frickin adorable. Dean and Cas’ nosy friends set them up on a blind date. Neither of them is very happy so they devise an epic plan of revenge. Act like the most disgustingly in love couple ever and then have a terrible public breakup. Hopefully their friends will feel so guilty that they never try to set the two up again. The plan goes amazingly. Dean and Cas find it easy to fake being a newly in love couple... Almost too easily.

122. Uniform of a Winchester******** by @monsterfuckerdean - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Its fics like these that I think set the SPN fandom apart from others. The thought put into these works makes them so real, so painstakingly relatable, make the characters come to life both on screen and in words. This is a heartbreaking character study of Dean Winchester. The author gives the reader a glimpse into the backstory behind Dean’s jewelry. The skull bracelet given to him by Missouri, the ring given to him by a childhood friend named Lee Webb, and more. This fic will break your heart. And if you’re like me, you won’t be able to find another fic that comes anywhere close to it. (If you do, please give it to me.) I’ve read this fic many times over. I take this fic as canon, completely and utterly. Dean Winchester is written so perfectly that the writers of the show are frickin jealous.

123. In Someone Else’s Life by @blue_morning - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- A classic Destiel wedding trope! Cas, along with his obnoxious-but-lovable brother Gabriel, accidentally crash a stranger’s wedding. Cas meets Jessica, the lucky bride, along with Sam, the best man. But its the groom with beautiful green eyes that Castiel can’t take his eyes off of. Assumptions are made, embarrassment ensues, and maybe... just maybe, happily ever afters do really happen.

124. Nobody’s Fault But Mine by @peanutbutterjelly-pie - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Oh! the fluff! Its killing me. Cas meets Dean and Sam Winchester. Both ridiculously attractive and both total sweethearts. But Castiel finds himself falling for Sam, the older brother with the beautiful green eyes. Too bad he’s getting married to Jessica in a few weeks... Tee hee hee. It’s glorious.

[deans-baby-momma]

The Padackles Link- Chapter 99

A/N: Whoops!!!! This has been sitting in my documents for weeks, waiting to be published but silly me got so involved in Mommy’s (Not So) Good Girl, that I overlooked it. But as the saying goes, better late than never, right? Ok, I’m shutting up now. ENJOY!!

Previously

"Drea, you awake?" Gen whispers as she quietly opens the door. I nod and she walks in, closes the door and approaches the bed.

"I need to talk to you," she says solemnly. "To apologize."

“Come in,” I tell her as I sit up, making sure I don’t jostle Jackson too much. “I agree. We need to talk.”

As much as I love Genevieve, her actions the last couple of days has hurt me and completely baffled me. 

“You treated me like a common whore,” I state.

“I know,” Gen says as she sits at the foot of the bed. “I will never be able to apologize enough for that. I love you Drea. I do, but I let that old demon make me feel insecure and envious. I saw that post on the internet and got jealous.”

“But Jay told you that they just love drama, the media thrives on it,” I say.

“I know that,” she says, twisting her hands together in her lap. “I realize that now. But when I first saw it I got pissed, okay? I felt like I was hiding away while you two went out and enjoyed this beautiful island together. That I was the dirty little secret.”

“Gen, it hurt. Badly. The way you pushed me away and acted as if I didn’t exist. My heart was breaking in two.”

“I know,” Gen whispers, looking at her feet. “That’s why I couldn’t look at you. I could see the pain in your eyes; the grief. It was killing me but I just would tell myself you deserved it. You were trying to take my husband.”

“But I’m not,” I assert.

“Yea, well. My mind was telling me differently.” 

“Gen, I think it’s best that we just stick to how it was before. Friends, no benefits. We were best friends and we let sex get in the way of that. I love you Dox, I do. But I think we need to rethink the whole swinging aspect.”

“You’re right,” she agrees with a nod. “As much as I hate to admit it, you’re right. I fucked it up when I got greedy. God! I wish we could start this vacation all over again. I’d never come on to Jay; I’d never entice him into something when you weren’t there; when Jared wasn’t there. 

“God Drea, can you ever forgive me?” Gen looks up at me with tears in her brown eyes. “It’s all my fault!”

“Honestly? I don’t know,” I answer. “I want to. I want to say it’s all forgiven but I just can’t.” A beat of silence between us and then I spoke up. “So it was your idea? The blowjob I walked out on? Jay didn’t charm you into doing it?”

“It was all me,” she replies, ashamed. “We were just floating around in the pool, talking and laughing and well you know, when swim trunks get wet, they leave hardly anything to the imagination. I made a lewd comment and he made one back and then before long….well, you saw.”

“So it’s okay for you to suck Jay’s dick, then tie him to the bed and have your way with him but it’s not okay when Jared and I do the same? Help me understand here Gen, please?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugs. “Of course I was okay with you and Jared being together. Really, I was. But then I saw that article and it just snowballed from there.”

I just sat there and looked at my friend, my Dox. Her words seemed sincere and they made sense but why now? Why was she having a problem with everything now? 

“Can I ask you a question?” she finally speaks up.

“Sure.”

“Are you going to keep the baby once he or she is born?”

“What? Why? Gen, this is-” I say, as I lay my hand on the bump of my stomach. “-is your child. I’d never keep them away from you.”

“No Drea. It’s not mine,” Gen says and I balk at her. “It started out that way. That was the plan, you were going to use my eggs. But that didn’t happen. That little baby in your womb is Jared’s and yours.”

My eyes widen as realization dawns on me. She’s right; she is absolutely right. I am carrying Jared Padalecki’s child. Not Jared and Gen’s; Jared’s and mine. How had I not made that connection? Fuck, what was Jay going to say about this? 

He was so adamantly against this when we began discussing it and if I remember correctly, his exact words were “You’re not sleeping with Drea.” Well, I guess he got that wrong. Shit! How do I bring this up to him? Do I? Had he put the two and two together and already realized it. And what about Jared? Does he know that this is our-mine and his-kid I am growing or is he still thinking it is his and his wife’s? 

“We all need to talk. This is major!”

“You hadn’t thought about it had you?” Gen asks, looking over at me.

“No,” I chuckle nervously. “No I hadn’t. Man, this is fucked up.”

“That was what worried me,” Gen says as she shyly reaches out and places her hand on my knee. “I was scared that we started out just trying to make a baby and then it escalated in this….this….relationship between the four of us and once the baby was here, I’d be left out in the cold. 

“That you and Jared would be raising this kid together. That the boys and I would be tossed out like yesterday’s trash.”

“Never. You are not trash, not even close,” I tell her, as I push her hair behind her ear. “We’d never leave you out or forget about you. I love you, Jared loves you. Besides, where would Jensen be in this scenario of yours, huh?”

Gen shrugs again and a smile appears on her lips. “I dunno. I hadn’t got that far yet.”

“Dox, I love you but my lord, your hormonal mind can dream up some doozies.”

“My hor-..what? How did you know?”

“That you should be having your period right now?” I ask and she nods. “Jared told us. When you stormed out of the jacuzzi, he deducted that it was time for you to start and although you don’t have the actual period, with the blood and all, you still have the other effects. 

“Are you okay, though? Cramping? Feeling bloated? I can get you a hot water bottle,” I offer.

“Nah I’m good. Are we good? I mean, I know we aren’t completely back to normal but will things ever get to the way they were before?”

“Yea Gen, we’re okay. For now,”I tell her as Jackson begins to wake up. “Let’s wait and see how things go after we see how the guys react to other facts. ‘Kay?”

Once Jackson is fully awake, I take him to the nursery to change his diaper and put some sunscreen on so we can walk with Gen back down to the beach and meet the rest of the family.

A/N2: Did anyone else realize before what Gen did about the baby Drea is carrying? 

@lostinaseaoffictionalbliss​ @carryonmywaywardcaptain​  @darlingpeanut​ @sunskittlex​ @sea040561​ @pretty-fortune​ @squirrelnotsam​ @death-unbecomes-you​ @sandlee44​ @internationalmusicteacher​ @kricketc29​ @natura1phenomenon​ @mannls​ @nickie-amore​ @spn-tw-37​ @frozenhuntress67​ @blacktithe7​ @supernaturallymarvellous​ @thetardishasaquidditchpitch​ @sirod-30​ @heyitscam99​ @smoothdogsgirl​ @i-just-wanna-run-hell​ @paintballkid711​ @closetspngirl​ @starfirerules​ @vickiq9761​ @rainflowermoon​ @spnbaby-67​ @drakelover78​ @jessieray98​ @81mysteriouslyme​ @travelingriversideblues-x​ @akshi8278​ @keymology​ @topthis808​ @lilulo-12​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @i-love-superhero​ @tftumblin​ @markofdean79​ @thevelvetseries​ @larajadeschmidt13​ @delightfullykrispypeach​ @deanmonandnegansbitch​ @midsummereve1993​ @atc74​

[lucisfavoritedemon]

Rebellious Soul: Chapter 5

Pairing: None

Summary: Y/N is having a hard time coping with the fact that her friend is gone and now her best friend is back, but there is a new player in town. The ultimate leader of the Rebels, Commander Ruby. Will Y/N be able to defeat Eve or will she give up the fight to mourn the loss of Dean?

Warnings: Mentions of torture.

Word Count: 1324

A/N: I realised that what I had posted, and what I had written were two completely different things. So I went through an edited this chapter, along with Chapter 6. I have major plans for those two chapters, and I got away from my original thought process. Also, as you may have noticed, this is loosely based off hunger games, but it's with a twist. I hope y'all are enjoying this series so far. Thanks for the understanding and patience.

"I thought that the Colt was just a legend?" I asked looking between Gabriel and Charlie.

"Well supposedly, but there are more facts out there proving that it exists more than there is proving it doesn't. When thinking about stuff like this, I go with the facts."

"Alright then. I guess I should round up my gear and head out. The faster I can find my guy the better. I have a feeling it won't be long before Eve figures out what we're planning."

"Good idea. Why don't we head out together that way we could both hit our people and both know with having to relay the information to multiple people? That way Eve doesn't find out as quickly."

"I agree. Gather everyone interested and let's head out in ten. I have to speak with Sam before we leave."

"Sounds like a plan."

Gabe and I headed off in different directions. I hadn't seen Sam since we heard about Jessica. It was hard for him not knowing whether she's alive or not.

"Hey Sam. How's everything?"

"Better. At least getting there."

"I feel so bad for what happened to Jess. I'm sorry she got dragged into this."

"Don't be. She knew the risks just like everyone else. Trust me you didn't do anything. Ruby told me what you did for her, and that is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me. I never expected you to give up this opportunity to get revenge on Eve for Dean."

"Did you not hear what happened? The theories at least?"

"No. I haven't really wanted to listen to what people have to say about the matter. He's gone and I can't have him back. It hurts because we were close. We grew up in this together. He was like a brother to me."

"I know Sam. I wish there was more I could do to help you cope other than the fact that we are going to get him back. I don't care what anybody says, Ruby promised a rescue and amnesty for all of them. Including Dean."

"What does everyone say happened to him exactly?"

"That Eve had taken him hostage. Tortured him in unimaginable ways. Using him as their poster child to rid the world of Rebels. She won't stop till we are all dead or worse under her spell. Killing us off is her main goal, and she has the biggest inside man we had. She has the means of destroying us if she truly wanted to."

"I know Dean is our biggest and best weapon we had against her. He was building a case file on how to kill her. Said that he was doing it for someone special. I could now only assume that's you."

"Why me though?"

"Because you would want revenge. He knew your father died. Apparently he also knew how, and it's not how you think it happened."

"I knew he was killed, but I never told anyone because no one would believe me. They all knew I hated Eve from the moment I first saw her. She is clearly nothing but evil, and I will stop at nothing to defeat her. We have everything we need except the weapon to kill the thing that can kill her."

"What is that?"

"A special gun that can kill almost anything with a single bullet. We need the gun to kill a Phoenix. It's ashes are the only thing strong enough to kill her."

"You're not talking about the Colt are you?"

"Afraid so. Do you happen to know someone who might know it's whereabouts?"

"Yeah, but I would save him as a last resort." Sam warned.

I knew perfectly well who he was talking about, but this was a chance to get the upper hand on Eve. I wasn't going to let him tell me otherwise. I couldn't risk Dean's life on a last resort situation. He was our last resort.

"I'm sorry Sam, but this is that type of situation. I'm going to do whatever it takes to get Dean back. For all of us, not just me. He meant something to everyone, which is why this betrayal is the worst we have ever seen."

"I know, it's just, he is bad news. I wouldn't go to him unless no one else truly knows the whereabouts of the Colt."

"Fine. But if no one else does, or even if they hesitate for a second we move to him, got it?"

"Yeah now go and save Dean. For all of us."

Gabe, Ed, Harry, Michael, Castiel, and I all headed out in search of our first lead given to us by Gabriel and Cas who have known this person, well rather Angel, for a long, long time.

"Balthazar. We are here for knowledge on a weapon we seek the location of!" Gabe yelled through the thick of the forest.

As I have stated before each creature lives in a designated section of the world. If ever caught out of their designated area, they were immediately killed off. This was a beautiful lush forest that looked like a Heavenly paradise Perfect for the majority of it's heavenly inhabitants.

"Ah, Gabriel and Castiel. What brings you two traders back home, and with humans too?"

"Enough Balthazar. We need to know the location of the Colt."

"Ooh, temper. I say, is this how you got daddy to give you your favorite toys? Well that tone doesn't work on me Mikey." Balthazar spat.

I had to agree with the Angel, Michael was being a little too straight forward.

"Balthazar? We seek the location of this weapon for a good reason. Please will you help us?" I asked kindly, gaining a gentle smile.

"I wish I knew, but sadly I don't. Maybe if you five hand over the girl I will suddenly remember."

"He's lying." Gabe simply stated.

"How do you know?"

"He only wants Y/n because it will earn him and the others a spot at the big kids table. He doesn't really know where the weapon is. I say we move on."

"I agree. Let's head out."

"Okay, you got me. I really don't know where the weapon is. I'm only in charge of the Angelic weapons. The rest go through Crowley. He will definitely know where this weapon you are seeking for is. I swear."

"I know. Sadly Crowley knows everything about this gun." I whispered walking away.

I knew exactly where to find Crowley. We had a few talks here and there, but I have never asked him for a favor as big as this one.

"Crowley! We need to talk! It's about the Colt."

"Hello darling. It's about time."

"I know it has been a while, but I need you to pull in that favor of mine. You know the freebie before you start charging?"

"Yes I know what freebie means. Why do you want this Colt so bad? It doesn't even do anything."

"It's important."

"You want to kill Eve don't you? Well sorry to break it to you, but sadly she is one of the four beings this won't work on. Been there, tried that."

"We know it doesn’t work on her, but it will work on the thing that can."

"Oh. Well in that case here."

Then the gun appears in his hands and he tosses it to me. I looked at the gun in awe. It was the most beautiful thing in the world. Now all we needed was to get to the Phoenix mountain without being caught by Eve and her stupid henchmen.

"One last thing. Well really two. Don't let her know I'm working alongside you and two DON’T miss your target! Kapeesh?"

"You got it. Don't let Eve know and don't miss."

"Good." As quickly as he appeared he was gone again.

Now all we needed was to find these Phoenixes and find Eve. Things were starting to go in our favor.

SPN Tag list:

@atc74 @bella-ca @canadianspnhunter @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog @ericaprice2008 @impala-dreamer @impalaimagining @katymacsupernatural @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @mamaredd123 @masksandtruths @mirandaaustin93 @muchamusedaboutnothing @our-jensen-ackles-love @roxyspearing @sea040561 @snffbeebee @spnwaywardwitch-blog @squirrelnotsam @torn-and-frayed @winchesterprincessbride

[phantomwarrior12]

Intensify

Prompt: Confronting Chuck

Word Count: 2,157

Warnings: Blood, swearing, creepy vibes, and some fluff at the wayyyy end

Summary: Confronting God himself isn’t easy, but one must be bold for that which they hold dear.

A/N: Hey folks!

Ah yes, finally finished this one from a lovely anon. This chapter was prompted by @gabriel-spn-bingo​‘s square: Confronting Chuck. It was also partially inspired by @idabbleincrazy​‘s recent challenge and the mood board I was given, so thanks for that, hon! :)

Please leave a like/comment to let me know your thoughts! Also, I am open to prompts (especially the ones up on the bingo card), so send me prompts if you’d like to see one of these!

Enjoy!

~Phantom

-----------------------

You've been careful, systematically procuring the ingredients needed for the spell. You tell him they're to help ward the cabin, to make sure Castiel couldn't get in again--some spells you'd picked up from Rowena.

He's not entirely convinced, but he's just hopeful enough to indulge you. It goes on for another few months and all the while, things grow more complicated on Earth. He hasn't taken over, merely allowing his ghost army to run wild and unchecked throughout the states. All this time, he's been more concerned with winning your adoration to care about furthering his plans for humanity. Even after Rowena closed up hell and took away his army, he was unbothered. It's that, more than anything, that grants you hope--a fleeting prayer that your archangel is still in there somewhere and you can still get him out.

A prayer that all but vanishes when Chuck makes his presence known, tracking Gabriel on one of his escapades back to Earth and rather firmly reminds him of his duty. Gabriel had argued, Chuck hadn't approved and the archangel was beaten until his Father realized his unwillingness to unleash chaos. It became clear just how intent Gabriel was to regain the touch he aches for. In a fit of frustration, the Creator had chosen to threaten you.

From there, things had escalated. Somehow, it'd all led to this. Somehow, you're kneeling over Gabriel. Somehow, Castiel and Balthazar had come to your aid but--

"What are you waiting for?" Questions the voice behind you. Patronizing. Expectant. Insistent.

Crimson seeps from the wound in Gabriel's shoulder, cascading down the cool metal of the archangel blade your hand is wound around and you're inches away from brilliant whiskey. There was a time you'd lose yourself to the honey flecks, the glimmering gold that stared back at you with a warmth that bore into your very soul.

But not now.

Now he's battered and slouched against the wall with nothing but defeated hatred in his eyes. To your right, Castiel is slowly coming around from the beating he's taken from the archangel. To your left, Balthazar is splayed across the floor in an unconscious state.

And behind you, you hear God himself applauding in a slow, rhythmic clap that sets ever nerve on end. You steal a glance over your shoulder, almost afraid to meet his gaze as he paces closer.

"Archangel blade to the shoulder? The way you slashed his thigh and side to rescue dear, poor Castiel? Oh, I couldn't have written that final showdown better myself. A divine romance ending in a tragic act of self-preservation. I'm so proud, I could cry." He stops just beside you and your gaze shifts to Gabriel's limp form, whiskey darting between his Father and your uncertain eyes as Chuck continues, "Don't stop now, Y/N. It's the climax! You gotta finish it once and for all."

"I won't kill him."

"You don't have a choice. He's nearly killed Castiel and, oh, Balthazar is close to his second death. He's out of control, a menace. He's corrupted. You want to save them, don't you?"

"Not like this," you whisper, staring at Gabriel with a mixture of apprehension and fear.

Chuck's shoulders sag in a show of exaggerated dramatics as he rolls his eyes and kneels beside you, inspecting your tense frame, "You really are like those boys, aren't you? Sam's pitying nature, Dean's stubborn defiance, you're like a mini-Winchester." He heaves a sigh and shifts his gaze to your trembling hand on the archangel blade, watching the red liquid stain Gabriel's clothes before he looks at the youngest archangel, "Oh, Gabe, Gabe, Gabe...how's that corrupt grace working out for you?"

"Fine," Gabriel returns shortly, scowling up at his father with nothing short of contempt.

"Thought that might make for a good plot twist. Couple of angels get to come back from the dead, but surprise, the strongest isn't on your side." Chuck grins, gaze darting between you and Gabriel for a reaction. When your features don't shift beyond a glare, the grin falters with a resigned sigh as he stands, "What do I have to do to get a dramatic conclusion around here? Come on, Y/N! You're making this ending anti-climactic."

"We're not done," you bite back, fingers falling away from the blade and you can feel Gabriel's eyes on you in confusion.

Chuck scoffs, "Not done? Did you forget who you're talking to? Alpha, Omega, all that jazz? This is the end. I decide the ending, Y/N, that's part of being God."

"What kind of God puts his creations through something like this? You're not God. You're a cosmic asshole looking for cheap entertainment because you've lost the capacity to recognize the value of life. How many worlds have you done this to? Hundreds? Thousands? You got so wrapped up in your ability to create and destroy life that you never stopped to consider if you should."

Chuck doesn't appear fazed by your tirade, merely tilting his head with another overzealous shoulder sag, "Are you done? Because, great appeal for humanity, very touching. Very free-will-esque. But it doesn't change the ending to this story." The amusement fades and you shy away as he leans down, "You. Sam. Dean. Your angels and corrupted celestial pet are doomed. I could snap you all away without a second's hesitation, but I want this final battle to be worth all the sniveling and whining I've had to endure from you people. Though, I'm afraid you won't be around to see it. You see, if you won't finish off Gabriel, you can die together."

Chuck raises his hand to snap, cut short only by a cry from Gabriel, "No!"

A rush of air and suddenly you're kneeling over Gabriel in the beach house he'd trapped you in all these months. One breath. A second. A short third before you look down at Gabriel as he jerks the blade out of his shoulder and looks up at you.

"What--what happened?" You look around in confusion, chest heaving, heart pounding in a steady thrum echoing in your ears.

He tosses the blade to the side and gently pushes you off of him so he can stand on uncertain legs. You stare at him, noting the twinge of pain flashing across ordinarily veiled expressions.

"Gabriel?"

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

"Now you're worried about my well-being? You stabbed me, Y/N. Three times."

"You were going to kill Cas. What did you expect me to do?"

He narrows his eyes and starts towards the door. You could swear you notice a faint glow along his thigh, torso and shoulder, but a glimpse is all you catch before your mind shifts back to the more pressing issue. "Why doesn't he just smite us all? It'd be faster and he can't lose--"

"He can't." Gabriel secures the door and rifles through one of the book case drawers, "Despite what he claims, he's not strong enough. Whatever tweedledee and tweedledum did to him, he's weakened. He has to do this the old fashioned way." He locates the chalk and sets to work on warding sigils - not that they'll do much against God himself, but it's something.

A shadow of a smile tugs at the corner of your lips at the fragment of familiarity: what you'd call his terms of endearment for the Winchesters. It sparks hope. It sparks a warmth you haven't felt around him since before he died. "Gabe?"

He doesn't answer, moving to another wall in a whirlwind of concentration and panic.

"Gabriel?"

Still no response and you shift to your knees, summoning what strength you have left to lift yourself from the floor, "Gabe--"

"What?" He bites back, throwing his hands up and turns to face you, "What's so damned important you're interrupting my efforts to save both of our asses?"

Some part of you cowers, the rest clings to the shards of his former self. But when you open your mouth, you can't speak. The fear you've fought to ward off nags like a heavy weight in your chest and your eyes drop to the space between you, "Never mind. I'm sorry."

"You damn well should be. I can't protect you if you won't let me."

"Why do you want to protect me?" A spark of indignation forces you to gather your courage, lifting your head and staring back at him with a flame you'd thought you'd lost, "Why am I so damned important that you risk everything to save me?"

"Isn't it obvious? I've made it as obvious as I can by now." He turns back to the wall, sketching another sigil and you lean on the arm of the couch.

"All you tell me is--" Your fingers touch your ribs gingerly, "For my own safety. Important, emotionally attached, protect--" you look up at him, "It was never about being queen. I'm your last tie. I die and you're doomed to darkness. That's why you brought me here. That's what you couldn't tell me."

"What? No."

"It is." You slide off the arm of the couch, slowly making your way towards him, "Subconsciously, you hate what you've become. You knew I was the last tie and you couldn't lose me. That's why you hid me here--no enemies, Chuck couldn't find me."

"Stop it." He warns, fingers bearing down on fragile chalk until it snaps in his hand.

"Gabriel--"

He wheels and grabs your shoulders, "I said enough."

Your eyes lock with sharp whiskey, "I'm not afraid of you, Gabriel. Not anymore. I finally know what this is all about and I," y/e/c searches glittering gold, "I finally understand."

There's a flare of surprise in his eyes as your hand lifts, cautiously pressing your palm again his cheek, cradling his cheek with a warmth he's ached for all this time. The fury fades and his eyes sag shut, inclining his head into your touch.

"I know," you whisper, the pad of your thumb stroking his skin softly, "I'm here. I understand. You wanted a way out, but you couldn't do it on your own."

"I never meant--" he stops himself, jaw flexing for a brief moment before his eyes open and lock with yours. "I'm sorry."

Your nod is slight, a subtle downward tilt of your head as you offer a warm smile. "It's all right. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

He's cautious in his movements, hands ghosting over your waist before one ventures to your jaw, "You better not. I can't...you're the key, sugar. I can't do this alone."

"And you won't. We'll find Sam and Dean, they'll help us--"

"No. Not them. After everything I've done - no."

"I can talk to them. It'll be okay, Gabe.  When this is all over, we can cleanse your grace." Your fingers smooth over his hair, tucking golden locks behind his ear.

"And if you can't?"

"We'll find a way. I found a spell and after we beat Chuck? You'll be back to your old Trickster self." You assure him with a stern look, forcing the concern and apprehension from your gaze. Every nerve ignites beneath his touch, endings firing in a way that isn't wholly relief nor entirely fear. Somewhere, there's a faint alarm and yet a looming sense of comfort that strives to silence blaring crimson lights in the back of his mind. His touch is tender, his eyes mesmerizing and every ounce begs to remain in his embrace.

Is this real? Is he real?

With Chuck pulling so many strings - how many Gabriels, how many yous? How many times have you done this dance? You used to believe your celestial relationship was unique - unheard of entirely - but now? Are the two of you Chuck's 'favorite couple' now? You always find your way back to one another, not even death can part you.

So is it real?

You half expect him to speak, to disregard boundaries as he had before and know your every thought. You half expect a spiel about how all of this is real - the affection, his touch - but judging the conflict consuming whiskey, you know the same questions plague his mind.

After all of this, is it all worth it if you don't know if it's real?

It's a question you'll have to answer on your own when all is said and done. For now, now you find the Winchesters and plan your next move. For now, you allow your head to rest on the corrupted archangel's shoulder for the first time since his return and he gathers you close, cradling your frame with a tenderness you've missed.

It may not be entirely him, but he is Gabriel and that, in and of itself, inspires more hope than you could have ever imagined. Maybe, just maybe, you can have your angel back.

So, it's time to go home.

-----------------------

Taglists are open! Send me an ask/message to be added!

Gabriel Squad: @thewhiterabbit42​ @erisunderthemoon​ @stuckoutsideofthebox​ @nuvoleincielo​ @lyselkatz​ @high-church-of-the-holy-dick​ @loch-ness-moron​ @lovelyhexbag​ @shaylybaby2032​ @soul-bandom​ @archangelgabriellives​ @datajana​ @quixoticcat​ @jtownraindancer​ @hindustani-diaspora​ Forevers: @heaven-hell-imagines​ @currentlyfangirling99​ @bofa-deans-nuts​ @emiwrites3reads​ Dark Returns: @idabbleincrazy​

[maggiemaybe160]

Hate Isn’t the Opposite of Love

Fic based on @nox-lee‘s poem 10 Things I Hate About Castiel, A Poem by Dean Winchester

“Personal space, Cas,” Dean says without looking up. The sound of wings beating against the air is louder than everything else. It lights Dean’s nerve endings on fire, sets his heart racing, and makes him want to reach for the angel responsible. 

“Hello, Dean,” Cas says behind him. Dean dries his face he’s just finished washing and looks up into the mirror at the source of everything. 

“You know I hate that.” Dean clenches his jaw, swallowing hard as he turns around and notices just how close they’re standing. “I hate the way you stand so close.”

“Sorry,” Cas mutters, taking a small step back. Dean wants to stop him and pull him back to being too close. He desperately wants to, but he doesn’t. He never does and at this rate, he never will. 

“I hate how small this room is.” It’s stuffy and suffocating. There’s too much room, but also too little. Dean runs his hands through his hair and takes a deep breath as he steps around Cas. Their shoulders brush and electricity shocks him. “I hate everything.” 

“Are you feeling alright, Dean?” 

“No! I hate the way you wear your hair!” It used to stick out in every direction. He used to wear it like a wild thing. Now he combs it. He’s tamed it. Dean wants to reach into the thick, dark hair and pull it gently. He wants to feel the soft hair between his fingers as he restores the crazed style that he’d worn when they met. 

“I hate the way you stole my damn car.” Dean goes to his bed and remakes it even though it was already up to military standards. “I hate that you tried to give the mixtape back.” Dean turns around to face Cas. He wonders why his gaze is magnetic. He is locked in place every time he finds Cas’ eyes across a room or just a few inches apart. 

“I hate it when you stare.” 

Cas immediately looks down.

Dean walks back to him and lifts his chin gently, silently hating the searing touch. He wants more and can never have it. 

“I didn’t steal your car. Kelly did. I was going to wait for you. I never wanted to betray you, Dean.” His voice is soft and rough at the same time. It twists Dean’s stomach into knots. “I did though. I’m sorry.”

“I hate your big, dumb trenchcoat,” Dean says, his voice cracking under Cas’ apology. He straightens Cas’ lapel when it doesn’t need it. 

“Dean.” Cas catches his hand and holds it tightly. “It’s okay. I’m here.” 

“I hate the way you read my mind.” Dean squeezes Cas’ hand. “I hate you so much, Cas. I hate you so much for the way I feel and how you’re so kind.” His hand is on fire, but he can’t let go. 

Dean takes in a shaky breath. He doesn’t know why he’s still talking. He can’t make it stop. “I hate the way I made you fall,” he says quietly. Cas shakes his head, pushing Dean’s self-blame away. 

“Dean, please,” Cas begs. “Stop it.”

“I- I hate it when you die,” Dean chokes. He holds his hand back from cupping Cas’ face. “Every time it happens, it’s like the world is ending. I was ready for it to end last time, Cas. I’ve never felt like that before. I’ve lost so much, but losing you is too much.” 

Cas opens his mouth in silent shock as Dean feels his first tear fall. He doesn’t bother wiping it away, his hands occupied with holding onto Cas. 

“I hate you so much,” Dean shakes his head, “for giving up an army, your family, Heaven, just for one fucked up guy.”  

“I’ll always choose you, Dean. You’re my family. Not them. This is my home. Not Heaven. You’ve proven that to me. Please, Dean, tell me what’s really wrong,” Cas pleads, releasing Dean’s hands to pull him into a tight hug. Dean’s arms circle around him, holding onto him like the lifeline he has been and always will be. 

“I hate it when you’re not around and when you don’t call,” Dean says into Cas’ shoulder. His hands tighten, balling the trenchcoat into his fists. “But what’s really wrong, Cas,” Dean chokes, “is that I hate the way that I don’t hate you. Not even close. Not even a little bit.” Dean feels himself sinking. Quite literally he’s sinking to the floor and Cas is coming with. They crumple to the floor, Cas holding onto Dean, comfort in his arms. 

“Not even at all,” Dean admits, crying. 

“I love you, Dean,” Cas says, pressing his cheek to the top of Dean’s head. “I love that when I stand too close, your jaw tightens and your cheeks turn pink.”

Dean freezes, his head still against Cas’ chest, listening to the pounding of his heart. 

“I love the way you wear your hair. The way you style it up and pretend you don’t use products even though there’s an entire drawer just for you. The way it sticks up in the morning and you look like a sleepy hedgehog while you drink your coffee. The way it looks right now after you’ve messed it up in a fit, running your hands through it and pulling at it.” 

Dean wipes away his tears but remains where he is, curled against Cas. 

“I love that mixtape you gave me. I play it every night while you and Sam sleep. I sit in the Impala in the garage and listen to the entire thing for as long as I can get away with. 

“I love how much you tease me about my car. Your mean nicknames for it. You even tried covering up how much you hate it just because I was sick. I won’t pretend to understand your taste in cars, but it feels good to be joked with.

“Look at me,” Cas says softly. Dean does, tilting his head while keeping it firmly against Cas’ chest. Their eyes lock and Dean’s heart leaps. “I love when you stare because it feels like my heart is exploding and my mind is expanding. It feels like how I imagine stars feel when they burst.” 

Dean’s breath catches. He can’t move. He can’t speak. 

“I love to hate your stupid flannels. No one can wear one of those and look good. No one but you.” Cas looks away, breaking the contact before pulling Dean closer, his hand running down Dean’s arm. 

“I love the way you read my mind, when you finish my thoughts, and start my sentences. You know me better than I know myself sometimes. You know what I’m capable of, even when everyone else tells me I can’t. 

“I love you so much, Dean Winchester, for the way I feel. Angels aren’t allowed to feel. I never thought I would experience any emotion. Not happiness, certainly not elation. I didn’t think I would ever feel love, but I do and it’s all thanks to you.”

Cas stops for a moment. He takes a deep breath and Dean can hear his heart beat a tiny bit faster. His next breath is broken. 

“I hate it when you die.” His arms tighten around Dean. “I watched you get dragged to Hell. I fixed it when I was allowed. It got harder after that. I didn’t know that meeting you would make everything so much better, and your deaths so much worse to bear. When Metatron killed you, when you became a demon… It hurt so badly, I could hardly breathe. I didn’t want to keep going. I thought that I couldn’t.”

“I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean whispers. Cas hugs him tighter for a moment. Dean’s entire world is limited to Cas and his enveloping presence. 

“I love choosing you over the angels. It’s an easy decision to make when they mark it clearly to choose between Dean Winchester and all of Heaven. Heaven who watched as you were tortured in Hell until it was too late. Heaven who exiles me like a child on time out. Heaven who tortured and brainwashed me. All of that against the man who calls me a friend, an ally, family. A man with eyes that look like grass in the Springtime and has a laugh that brightens the world. A man who puts everyone else before himself because he’s the man who saves people and hunts things. I think, no matter how ‘fucked up’ a guy he is, he’s a great one.”

Cas finds one of Dean’s hands and slowly laces his fingers with Dean’s. 

��I love when I show up after being gone for a while and you already know that it’s me, your eyes finding mine in the rearview mirror. I love when I show up and you jump. I love when I’ve been gone for a while and when I come back, I can tell that I’ve been missed. 

“I love when you pray to me instead of calling my cellphone. I remember a time before you prayed. I remember the first night you prayed and it was the loudest, clearest voice I had ever heard. It still is. When you pray, it might as well be my own thoughts. I also love when you call my phone because you set a new ringtone for yourself every time you get a chance. No one else has been pretending to be an FBI agent when their phone starts playing the Batman theme song.

“But, Dean,” Cas pulls away enough to look at Dean. His eyes shine and his voice is soft as he whispers, “I love the way that I’m entirely in love with you. Just a little bit, or maybe a lot. Head over heels, completely in love.” 

Dean finally reaches forward to cup his jaw and lean in, pressing his lips to Cas’. Cas kisses back immediately, a gentle kiss making promises and starting something new. 

@ain-t-bovvered @soloarcana @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @kingofmyimagination @fandom-is-my-middle-name @samatedeansbroccoli @anarchiana @lils2024 @destiel-honeypie @spn-bitchh @awkward-penguin-in-a-trenchcoat @skittles-rainbow-cat @k-lewis @destielhoneybee @castibella-shipper-of-the-lord @aestheticallydyke @righteouscomeuppancejogstheliver @deanwinchesterswitch @adventurous-blob @iamcharliebradburylevelperfect @royalrowena @telefunkies @blueeyesandpie @jemariel

[thecursedhellblazer]

(( I had told myself not to write anything about this, but I kinda have a lot of feelings on the matter and I’ve seen several posts around, so I thought I could share my opinion too. This are just some random thoughts, so forgive me if they are all a bit all over the place. ))

(( Under the cut because the post got a bit long. ))

(( I’ve recently caught up with Legends, after having missed the two latest episodes, and I’m absolutely torn over the kind of twist some of the sub plots are taking. Behrad’s death was kinda expected, but I was still hoping that they would have kept him around for a bit longer. Of course, there is still the chance that he gets back, considering that we don’t really know how the whole Loom of Fate ordeal will end, but tbh I wished we had had more bonding between him and Zari before he was taken out of the picture. I understand that his death, together with meeting her older self, is important to Zari’s character development, but I still feel like it was a bit rushed. ))

(( One thing I really liked, even if maybe is a cliched, was Charlie choosing the Legends as her family and breaking away from the conditioning that her sisters have tried to force on her, even after all that time. And the fact that it was during the episode with the Spn setting...The whole “family doesn’t end with blood” trope was quite fitting. I love that she has found her place with them, after millennia spent on the run from a her “biological” family, which was obviously abusive. ))

(( Another nice surprise was Astra choosing to team up with Ava & Co, choosing to trust John, other than giving into Lachesis’s siren call. I’m really excited to see how they will deal with her character. In the comics, John eventually manages to free her from Hell, but we aren’t given much closure, especially not after how deeply John’s whole storyline is affected by the Newcastle clusterfuck. It seems that the show is trying to take another route to deal with it and I’m really curious and hopeful for what concerns it. Also, I do like the idea of her having a more active role in changing her destine. Quite literally. And Ava sharing her backstory with her, trying to convince her to be her own person? That was really good. Also because it shows the growth of Ava’s character too. ))

(( Now, the thing that has been bothering me the most. The turn in Constantine and Zari 2.0′s relationship. Personally, I don’t like it. I wasn’t a fan of Nate & Zari either, but pushing her towards just makes me straight out uncomfortable. I found myself looking away in the scenes where they were getting romantically physical and I’m not sure what I’m going to do if they will make them an official couple. I really don’t see the chemistry between them. Don’t get me wrong, they are funny, they have a good dynamic, the way their characters clashes because of the differences is interesting. They do have chemistry but as friends. I don’t really see how a romance could work out, and let’s not forget the whole Nate factor. I’m going a bit more in depth with this, even if no one really cares about my meta xD But since I’m at it, I don’t see why not. ))

(( Zari 1.0 and John had some very nice moments. Their relationship was different, also because they had more common ground. They had both known tragedy, they had both made bad choices and paid for them. Zari 1.0 could relate better to John, because, while she was a good person too, she knew what it meant having to do the wrong thing for the right reasons, and that something that John does a lot. I didn’t ship them, but I really loved their dynamics and I will always treasure that scene when she gives him the picture of his mother she had taken. There was a connection there and it was a really good friendship, not so different from the one John has with Charlie. ))

(( Now, Zari 2.0 is a completely different person. She has a completely different backstory and, as such, a different personality. I didn’t like her at first, but she has grown a lot recently and matured too during her time with the Legends and she has got back being a great character, relatable too. However, she still lacks all the common ground that Zari 1.0 had with John. This isn’t a bad thing, don’t get me wrong. The fact that they come from completely different worlds is one of the elements that makes their dynamic interesting, but it also underlines the fact that Zari has no idea of who John is and of how his world truly works and she probably will never understand it. She kinda reminds me of Kit (one of John’s lovers in the comics, perhaps his most important relationship together with Zatanna) under some point of view, even if the two characters have some very profound differences. Kit and John were very close, he was head over heels for her, but it didn’t work out because, while she knew him, she couldn’t grasp or accept his world. The magic, the darkness, the bad things he does because it’s what he is. And so it ended very, very badly between them. Honestly? That’s the only kind of dynamic I can picture in a romance between John and Zari. And it’s already a stretch, because Kit’s character had some traits that made her compatible with John, traits that Zari doesn’t have. Not to mention that Kit had a lot of history with John before they got together romantically, and that was what made them work, for a while. Zari doesn’t. So, it might be a way to make it sort of work (still forced for how I see it), unless they break his character...and I would HATE that. He is my favourite from LoT and I’ve waited a long time to see him brought back after his show was cancelled, so...please, don’t ruin it for me. ))

(( Also, their “romantic” connection really felt shoved in out of the blue. They have never really interacted much before and sure, being forced to team up can bring two people close, the timing is awful. Let’s not forget that Zari had just decided to blame John for Behrad’s death. She was supposed to have a grudge against him. Moreover, she is grieving the brother she was finally starting to properly connect with and she is struggling with a quest to rebuild her identity after she has found out about her other self. She is looking for her place in the world and a person who is dealing with that realistically doesn’t go and fall for someone just because they have shared an adventure. It feels forced and rushed. Maybe in another context I could have tolerated it or given it the benefit of the doubt, but not in this moment of the storyline. It’s out of plance to say the least. I had expected them to work out their differences in that episode, but instead all they do is bickering (which is fun) and then they fight together (which was great, tbh, because it shows them both that they can be a good team). However, there’s not a real moment when they properly talk about what has happened, about their conflict . We just see them being shoved together and forced to touch and then there’s that almost kiss moment and it’s just...bad timing. It feels awkward and yeah, forced too. ))

(( Also, let’s not forget that in the previous episode, Zari sleep-walked in Nate’s bedroom and half of the crew, including John, found them in the middle of a somewhat compromising position in the middle of the corridor. John joked and teased them as everyone else and wasn’t upset in the least. On the contrary, he was basically rooting for them. And this was perhaps the day, or a few days at most, before the whole romantic innuendos got thrown in the mix. Yet another reason why I feel this was forced and rushed and brought up out of nowhere. ))

(( As for John, his current focus is on getting the Loom back together and keeping his promise to Astra. We have seen him being reckless and single-minded about it, to the point that he almost got himself, Charlie and Sara killed. And did get Behrad killed, because he didn’t think his shit through. It doesn’t make sense to me that he suddenly finds the time to notice that he might or might not have feelings for Zari. It’s almost out of character. And it clashes with how he has been behaving so far. You don’t stop obsessing about the one thing that would allow you to FINALLY make amends for the greatest regret of your entire life just because you realise that one of your teammates is actually a nice company, all considered. Plus, he too has already too much on his plate in general to have the space for a romance. And, personal preference, John is good on his own. He needs friends that can help him picking up the pieces, not a relationship that will eventually just bring him more harm and complications. God, I miss Chas. ))

(( Someone could argue that they shared a moment during the Romeo vs Juliette episode, but I disagree with that too. That episode was all about Nate and Ray. The dialogue between Romeo and Juliette was not about John and Zari, it was all about Nate and Ray. They are the star-crossed couple of friends (lovers in the play), not John and Zari. That kiss was a symbol of Ray and Nate reconnecting with each other before taking different paths and it had nothing to do with John and Zari. At least, that’s the feeling I had from how the whole episode was built and I think that I’m not completely misled in that regard. ))

(( Last thing, I don’t want the whole thing between Zari and John to be a source of drama. Because that’s what we’ll get, because Nate is still very much in love with Zari, both Zaris. He has started to chase after Zari 2.0 thinking that she was his Zari, but he came to like her for what she is too. And maybe, yes, perhaps he needs to move on from her as some people have pointed out. It could be one way to go around it, but that wouldn’t spare us the classic love triangle crap we get at some point in every damn show and I’m starting to be a bit bored with it. And it wouldn’t really change my view on John and Zari’s relationship. ))

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 15x04 “Atomic Monsters”

in which Jensen’s directing blows my mind a little bit?? holy shit. also Dean is only eating phallic things... and the writer in me is reeling. SOMEONE TELL ME THAT WAS JENSEN SINGING THAT SONG PLEASE

--

07:01pm

mostly what i wanna do right now is eat and watch queer eye buuuut i guess i should watch this first. hopefully it’s fun?? i do not want my heart ripped out or to be squicked right now

-

07:04

oh no........ becky

i like her as a character but ew ew ew all of her life choices and the way she treats sam

fingers crossed for character development

PLEASE DON’T DIE

i mean .....i don’t LIKE her but still

-

07:08

i can’t tell if the audio on my video file is fucked up or whether there’s supposed to be a voiceover here while dean’s shooting people while wearing a very nice beard

because it’s very much drowned out

-

07:10

oh hey benny

soooo this is some kind of au fic maybe

-

i uh.... fully expected dean to kiss benny right then

-

07:13 

definitely a voiceover drowned out on purpose

vaguely heard “title” as the titlecard came up

okay, interesting

-

07:15

DEAN GOT VEGGIE BACON

yee

-

sam: YOU GOTTA STOP CALLING YOURSELF THE MEAT MAN, IT DOESN’T MEAN WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS

OHHHHH SAMMY No i think he knows exactly what it means, and what it sounds like

-

dean: yeah it does

TOLD YOU. bi baby

-

07:18

real bacon

DEAN YOU VEGETABLE-HATING ASSHOLE

-

07:22

dean and his flask this season..... guess he’s gone back to quiet alcoholism

-

07:23

wow........ becky has not aged a DAY

-

07:27

becky: they just sit around and do laundry and talk

okay NOW i relate to becky

thank youuuu davy perez for letting her grow and recognize her awful awful awful mistakes

-

chuck: eeeeeeh, people like monsters

becky: meh

HELL YEAH

i mean i love monster stories but i love laundry more

-

07:29

there’s a tall cas doll in becky’s bookshelf, yay~

which.... honestly looks like a white tennis ball on a roll of paper with wings attached but still

-

07:33

cas is gone and dean is eating SO MUCH

> meat man bacon (textual penis euphemism)

> pretzels (twisted, salty rather than sweet, metaphor for Not Straight)

> alcohol (DESPAIR)

> hot dog (phallic)

-

i can’t put screenshots on my posts anymore bc tumblr sucks BUT

as dean’s sitting with the hot dog, in the shot that contains sam, there’s BISEXUAL BICYCLES

-

07:40

sam holds a hyponeedle behind his back

i’m wondering if they’d become a little out of character if chuck is writing them again

-

07:42

i’d say the orchid is significant

there’s a pink one in the house of the dad/mom/son, and the speech-making cheerleader mentioned ghost orchids

edit: nah

-

07:44

aww there’s a lil cas pop figure thingy!!! yay team free will!!!

-

07:45

chuck: fan..fic. it’s not really the same

becky: writing’s writing!!

YES BECKY

-

07:52

becky: no-one even mentions cas

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS BECKY

-

07:54

flashback to the son biting the girl’s neck, the music kind of halfway there

the directing of this is fascinating

like a music video, it’s ethereal

and... you know when you hear JUST enough of a good chord from a song but you don’t hear the rest and it’s like MMM but just an inch away from satisfying but not in a bad way?? like breathing in a meal you’re not going to eat. like walking past a bakery and not going inside. you want it but you can’t have it, IT TEASES

AND I JUST LOOKED UP THE DIRECTOR AND IT’S JENSEN

WOW. OKAY DUDE 3000 KUDOS TO YOU

this isn’t a tv show, it’s art. like. he just made art. wow 

wowow

-

there are SO MANY LAYERS HERe, particularly in the audio

the kid talking, chuck’s voiceover, the music in the truck, the heartbeat and roaring sound effects, the kid and the girl breathing and grunting in the flashback

it’s like... sensory overload but at the same time it’s delicious

.....you know what?? this scene is beyond incredible, because not only is is beautiful for what it is, but also for what it represents

because i was just thinking that this feeling, this blast and blur of ALL THE THINGS ALL AT ONCE AT THE APEX OF EMOTION feels exactly like the part where i’m writing a story and everything’s happening so fast and i gotta type AS THINGS ARE HAPPENING and words just flood from my fingertips and my heart is pounding and the world no longer exists, i’m kind of out of my body but no longer have a body

and

like

that’s literally what’s happening. all of this. is chuck writing in that exact moment, unresponsive to becky, WRITING THINGS INTO EXISTENCE

i told my family a while ago, there are some stories only a Writer can write. when they write about being a Writer and you can tell it’s so personal and would be related to the most by other writers. and davy perez has done exactly this here, with becky being us, the fandom, but then there’s THIS

that flood of Everything All At Once is illustrated PERFECTLY, not just in the text, but the way jensen obviously understood the feeling and illustrated it in such a way that i didn’t even remember the layer of this story where chuck’s writing until i was all “hey this feels like that writer thing” and IT’S EXACTLY THAT

this is mind-blowing a little bit??? i really really love this

goddamn

-

08:09

ooooooh a vampire trying to save the winchesters from humans

-

08:11

.....who’s singing this song? kind of?? sounds like jensen???

it’s probably not jensen but 100% chance he picked the song

that long note as the girl’s taken out on the stretcher. oh man it REALLY sounds like jensen

....i listened again and....... the word “SOUnds”

no, yeah, that’s jensen. the way he kind of hurls a big note up through his chest yet it comes out soft with just that teeeeny touch of huskiness?? that’s gotta be jensen

if it’s not jensen i’ll be v surprised. might be a friend of his maybe. but there’s a personal connection there definitely

edit: NO IT HAS TO BE JENSEN. IT IS RIGHT??? SOMEONE TELL ME IT IS

*misha at jibcon voice* we get a tingly feeling when we hear it so we know it’s you

-

08:17

becky: it’s AWFUL. HOPELESS. you can’t do this to the fans

i can’t tell if that textual awareness combined with my dread about the upcoming ending of the show makes me glad the writers understand, or worried that they understand but are gonna give us a dark, hopeless ending anyway

-

08:20

did the voiceover just say “bexy becky”

-

08:23

dean: now that chuck’s gone... we are..... finally free

oh no baby

oh no

-

08:26

laughing bc the ending was just “next to him sit dean and sam bobbleheads”

the end

guess it’s kind of a cause-and-effect thing. chuck types, they wobble

-

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MAN

at least becky’s not dead right?? at least according to chuck talking about her family

CHUCK IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST.

i’m so glad becky is a stable, healthily creative human who obeys consent now and is repulsed by what she did to sam

i probably don’t need to say it again but the directing in this was phenomenal, if highly unusual compared to other episodes. there was a lot of... force in it? actually now i think it about it, it had jensen’s energy. smooth and flowing with smacks of Hell Yeah and some twangs of discomfort thrown in.

also dean’s food was phallic, fight me

i think the bicycles thing probably meant less than the food did, jensen’s way more straightforward with his dick jokes. like, if he’s gonna be gay, he goes for it, doesn’t hide it in the background. someone else put those bicycles there, and he was probably like “ok sure”.

(also? dean’s “nice beaver” quip, followed by the fact that THE PERSON INSIDE THE BEAVER FURSUIT IS A GUY)

i bet i’m gonna get on tumblr after this and someone’s gonna be like “hey here’s the song that was in this episode and yeah it’s off jensen’s new album”

i’m interested to see where this story goes next. but also WOW, i’m not into the fact chuck is manipulating the storyline again and the winchesters aren’t aware of it. curious flip regarding consent issues, with chuck and becky. now chuck’s the violator and becky’s the voice of reason

anyway this was 10/10, and i’m happy to report that after i got past the scene with the red lights in the bunker, and made it to the brothers eating bacon, i’d completely forgotten i wanted to be watching something else and began to fully enjoy this episode~ yay

[sorenmarie87]

Truth or Dare

Summary:  It’s the week before Spring Break and your roommate’s cousin will be staying with you.  How is the game of truth or dare the two of you started going to go?  

Square Filled: Piercings (Kink) | College AU (Fluff)

Pairing(s)/Character(s): Ash x Reader, Dean x Jo.  Meg, Castiel (mentioned) 

Word Count:  3,199

Warning(s): Drinking (Everyone is of age here).  Sexual comments.  Not vanilla Truth or Dare.  Reading excerpts of cheesy romance novels (not written by me, I swear.)  Piercings.  Promises of sexual nature once the reader heals.  

A/N:  This was written for @spnfluffbingo2019 and @spnkinkbingo.  Shout out to @fictionalabyss as usual for looking this over and @coffee-obsessed-writer for giving me the prompt and helping me come up with the fic idea when I had writer’s block.  The two of you are the best.  

I do not own any of the pictures I used in my aesthetic. I also hate to say this but if you’re reading this fic - please be over 18.  

SPN Kink Bingo | SPN Fluff Bingo 2019

Who schedules a test the week before Spring Break?  At least your professor told you it was an open book test, and that you could take it home.  

You were scouring your book for the answer to this question you were stuck on and you were getting a headache.  If Jo were here, she would’ve told you to relax.  Your back popped as you leaned back in your chair to stretch.  ‘I need to take a break.’  Your stomach growled as you picked up your phone and unlocked it.  There were a few missed texts from a girl in your class asking about the same questions you were stuck on, but it was nothing compared to the string of texts from Jo.  

Jo was lucky.  She was heading to M.I.T. with her boyfriend to pick up her cousin who would be staying with the two of you over Spring Break.  At least, Ash would sleeping in the same dorm room as you.  Jo made plans to stay with Dean and winked when she told you.  She knew about your crush on him, but you’d never act upon it.  

Ash would never go for someone like you.  You were smart sure, but Ash deserved someone who could keep up with him.  

“Knock, knock.”  You looked over your shoulder and saw Jo standing in the doorway with a grin on her face.  “Did you finish that test while we were gone?”

“There’s a couple questions that I got stuck on but it’s not due until Friday, so I’m done for the night.”

“Good.  We have snacks and drinks here.”  She rustled the bag and you smiled.  

“Hey babe, are you going to move?”  You chuckled as Jo stepped into the room and made a beeline for her bed.  “Where do I put this?”  

“Y/N has a mini fridge beside her desk...so whatever doesn’t fit in there we can shove in the cooler until it’s time to drink.”  

“Ash, stop standing in the doorway and get in here.”  You felt your face heat up as Jo wiggled her eyebrows at you.  You rolled your eyes and flipped her off.  

“I hope you have room for my PBR.”

“I still don’t understand how you can drink that stuff.”

“It’s an acquired taste.  Sorta like me..”  You chuckled to yourself as Ash took a seat in the arm chair that was positioned between the beds.  

“Ain’t that the truth.”  

--

“Y/N.  Come on girl, wake up.”  You felt someone shaking your legs and when you rolled over and opened your eyes, you were staring directly at Ash.  “There’s those pretty eyes.”

“How long was I out?”

“Well Jo and Dean went out to get pizza, so about half an hour at least.  You mind sharin’ your bed with me, I need to stretch my legs out.”

You yawned and moved over on your bed so that he could climb up.  You watched as he made himself comfy and you smiled.  Jo would have a field day if she saw this.  “How’re classes going for you?”

“Fine.  Although you can’t tell Jo this, I almost got kicked out.”

“What?  Why?”

He watched your face carefully with a grin.  “I promise, it was just for fighting, nothing else.”  He nudged your side with his elbow.  “You worryin’ about me?”

“Always.”  

“Well ain’t this cute.”  Jo said from the doorway as she held two boxes of pizza.  “Dean has more, don’t worry.”  Jo set the pizzas down on her desk and pulled her phone from her back pocket.  She took a picture of the two of you and then quickly turned around so you couldn’t see what she was doing.  She posted it on her Instagram with the caption ‘They look so cute together.’

Dean walked in with yet another bag, only this time it was plates and napkins.  You hopped down off your bed and Jo handed you one of the pizzas.  “You wanna watch a movie while we eat?”  

“You guys take forever to pick out a movie…”  You rolled your eyes at Dean who threw a wadded up napkin at you.  “We could always play a game.”

“Does it have to be a board game?”  You handed Ash the pizza box and a PBR.  He threw a wink your way and Jo clapped her hands together.  “What about truth or dare?”

“Aren’t we a little too old to be playin’ that?”

“I’m with Ash here... “  Jo nudged him as if to say ‘please just go along with this’.

“I’m in.”  You quietly said and then took a huge bite of the piece of pizza that was in your hand.  

“I love you so much Y/N.  I guess since these two won’t be playing it’ll just be truth or truth for now.  so Y/N, what’s the sexiest lingerie set you own?”

You choked on the what you were you were eating and you felt Ash pat your back gently.  You coughed as you glared at your dorm mate and best friend.  

“It’s a tie between the emerald green set I got the other day and the dark blue satin chemise… You know the one with the matching g-string?”

“Oh yeah, you looked hot in that.  Shame no one else was there to see it.”  

“Hey Jo, when did you masturbate for the first time?”

“I did it by accident when I was younger but to completion?  Ash cover your ears, probably 14 or 15.  So -”  Jo stopped talking when she felt Dean whisper into her ear.  She giggled and then took a swig of beer.  “Dean, I dare you to chug an entire beer.”  

“Too easy.”  It was under thirty seconds but Dean sat his empty beer bottle between his legs with a cocky grin.  “If I’m playing, you’re playing too Ash, so truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“I dare you to sit with your hand on Y/N’s thigh for the next few rounds.”

“Oh my god Dean, yes!”  Jo repeatedly hit him on the shoulder in excitement.  

You felt your face get hot as Ash looked at you for consent.  You nodded and he placed his left hand on right thigh.  You missed the high five that Dean and Jo gave each other.  “It’s my turn right?  Jo, truth or dare?”  

“Truth.  I’m playing it safe for now.”

“Have you been to a strip club?”  

“Funny enough, I’ve been to a strip club with everyone in this room.  Different times, of course.”

“You went with Y/N to a strip club?”  

“She was bummed that she failed a math test.  I needed to get her out of her head before she started spiraling.”

“Yeah, she bought me my first lap dance.”

“Nice.  Male or female?”

“Female.”  You winked at Dean and he gave you a thumbs up.  “She had red hair and legs for days.  I’m pretty sure she gave me her number.”

“Did you ever call her?”

“Dean, a lady doesn’t not kiss and tell but yes, I did.”

“You, uh, still keep in touch with her?”  Ash quietly asked.  

“We’re both busy, so it’s usually just a flirty text here and there.  I like her but there’s someone I want to be one day be in a relationship with.  I mean - if he feels the same way.”

“He’d have to be crazier than a bobcat not to like you.”

“Thanks Ash.”  You squeezed his hand and looked back over at Jo.  “It’s your turn Jo..”

“Dean, truth or dare?”

“Oh, we’re still playing?”

“No one plays just one round of truth or dare.  You need something else to drink?”  Dean nodded and Jo kissed him on the cheek before hopping down off of her bed and pulling out one for Dean and one for herself.  “Ash, you need another?”

“Yes’m.  What about Y/N?”  She tossed a water bottle and a pack of drink mix on the bed.  “Not drinking?”

“Maybe later…”  You mixed up your drink as Jo leaned over your legs and handed Ash his beer.  

“Now Dean.”  you watched as she twisted the cap off the top of his beer and handed it to him. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”  

“Boo, you’re no fun.  Okay, um... What’s one thing you would do if you woke up tomorrow as the opposite sex?”

“I would put on the skimpiest outfit possible and go to a bar just to see how many free drinks I could get.  I would also masturbate.”

“I know it’s not my turn but Dean, I dare you to put on a pair of Jo’s panties and stay in them for the rest of the night.”

“Um.”  Dean’s face flushed as he leaned over and whispered into Jo’s ear that he already wearing a pair.  “Wait, wait a damn minute.  If Y/N can go out of turn, Ash, truth or dare?”

“Dare.”  You heard him crush the can he had in his hand as he looked over at  Dean.  

“Y/N, give Ash your laptop.  I dare you to buy a special toy for Y/N of your choosing.”  You sighed as you got on your hands and knees and crawled towards your desk.  You heard Dean and Jo hoot and holler when you bent over the bed rail.  Ash meant to look away, but once your upper body went over that rail, he couldn’t stop staring.  The things he wanted to do to you.  He shook his head and tried his hardest to will away popping a boner.  You were making it hard though.

“Hey Y/N, truth or dare?”  You felt your face flush as you crawled back over to your spot and handed Ash your laptop after you let it boot up and typed in your password.

“Truth.”

“Where’s your sense of adventure,Y/N?”  Jo whispered something into Dean’s ear with a smirk.  “You need to behave Harvelle or else.”

“Just ask the damn question already.”

“Fine - do you like getting spanked like you’re a bad girl?”

“What the fuck Dean?”  You looked over your shoulder at Ash who was focusing intently on what he was doing.  

“Maybe I’m asking for your future boyfriend…”  Dean smirked at you and you threw one of your pillows at him.  It didn’t reach him and all Dean did was laugh.  

“Sometimes yes.”

“What are we talking about?”  Ash chimed in as he closed your laptop and sat it at the edge of your bed.  

“How apparently Y/N likes to be spanked.”

“She does have a nice ass, so it makes sense.”

“Well, I just learned that my cousin is an ass man.”

“Nothin’ wrong with it.”  He shrugged and you laughed nervously.  Thanks Jo, thanks for making this awkward.

“Anyways, Joanna, truth or dare?”

“I hate you so much.  Dare, you skank.”

“You love me and you know it.  Now, I dare you to read a colorful excerpt from a romance novel.”

“Can I borrow the one you were reading the other night?”

“Sure. I guess.  Here.”  This time you successfully tossed your phone over to Jo with a smile.  “It should be pulled up already.”

Jo cleared her throat and started reading.  “My sewing could wait, I thought - could go to hell for all I cared.  Suddenly all I wanted to was watch Gronk do his thing-thang in the zone place there.  My vagina demanded it.”

“You gotta stop reading that trash.”

“There are some gems out there though.”  You huffed and then smiled as Jo threw your phone back at you.

“Okay, my turn right?  Ash, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”  

"Who do you most want to sleep with, out of everyone here?”  

“Jo’s my cousin, so that rules her out.  Dean’s my amigo but I’m not into him that way.”

“I think you forgot someone.”

“I’m a certified genius but yet I’m too chicken shit to tell the girl who’s sitting right beside me that I dig her and would like to one day sleep with her.”

“Are you saying…”

“That I’m as crazy as a bobcat for you? Of course..”

“It’s about time!”  You felt Ash put his arm around your shoulder and your face was on fire.  

“Sorry Ash, but Y/N - truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“Ohh someone’s getting ballsy now that you know your crush likes you back, all right.  I dare you to get something pierced.”  Jo grins at you as you look at Dean in disbelief.

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t. -”

“Ash, what do you think Y/N should get pierced?”

“Jo!”

“Shouldn’t that be her choice?”

“It should but she picked dare.  So what do you think?”

“Nipple piercings could be fun.  You know what could be even better?  A tongue piercing.’’

“Tongue piercing it is.”  Dean grinned as you tried to hide yourself in Ash’s arms.

--

“Monster’s Ink.”  Dean stared up at the sign as you and Jo made your way inside.  “Really?  I hope they didn’t name this after that Pixar movie.”

“I can only imagine how you know that little tidbit.”

“Bite me, mullet man.”  Ash rolled his eyes with a grin.  The two of them followed in shortly after.  

“I’ll be with you in just a minute.”  

The four of you waited in the empty waiting room as rock music came from a speaker in the corner.  The same woman was now standing behind the cash register, handing the customer in front of you a small bag with instructions on how to take care of their newest tattoo or piercing and their receipt from their credit card.  

Sighing, she smiled and met your embarrassed gaze.  “Okay, how can I help you?”

“This one here.”  Dean nudged your shoulder and you glared at him.  “wants to get her tongue pierced.”  

Meg smiled as she looked at you.  “You don’t look like the adventurous type, but I’m guessing he means you want a midline tongue piercing?”

“Is that where -”

“It goes right in the middle of your tongue and that’s about 1.9 cm from the tip of your tongue.”  You watched as she pulled a consent form from a folder that was under the register.  “I need you to fill this out and pick out what bar you want while I go set up the room.  Your friends will have to wait out here though.  Those rooms are sort of tiny.  I’ve been telling Castiel that we need to find a bigger place, but he likes it here.”

--

It surprised you but getting your tongue pierced didn’t really hurt that much.  

Sure you teared up a little but as soon as Meg told you everything was okay, you got up from the chair you were sitting in and made your way back to the waiting area where Dean and Jo were quietly talking, and Ash was flipping through a magazine.  He perked up when he saw you walking towards him.  “Well, how’d everything go?”

“She took it like a champ.”  Meg smiled as she appeared behind the register.  “Okay, here’s what I’m going to do - our piercings usually run between 40 and 80 dollars, but since you’re my last customer of the night, I’m giving you a discount.  How does 35 sound?”

“Fantastic.”  You pulled your wallet out from your front pocket as Meg started going over some care tips.  

“Just remember, nothing too spicy and soft foods for a bit, otherwise it’s gonna hurt.”  Dean claps Ash on his back with a shit eating grin on his face.

“You hear that, Ash?  Guess you’re good buddy.”  

“Dean, stop putting ideas in his head, or else he isn’t going to be soft for long.”  Jo laughs as Ash discreetly tries to adjust himself.  You managed  to pull two twenties out of your wallet with a faint blush on your face and hand it to Meg who just smiles at your antics.  

“You’re an athhole Dean.”

“I’m sorry, what did you say?  I can’t understand you.”

“Bite me.”

“I’m already spoken for but I’m sure Ash would love to take my place.”

“I hate you so much.”

“No, you love me.”  

“Just chalk it up to jealousy, Y/N.”  Ash nudged your shoulder and the four of you made your way outside.  “Dean’s just jealous that he doesn’t get to experience the best part of his girl havin’ a piercing.”

Your face was still red but it was Jo that caught what he just said.  “Did you just call Y/N your girl?”  Her face practically lit up with excitement as she pulled her phone out.  “This deserves a picture, come on guys!”

Dean had his arm wrapped around Jo’s shoulder and the two of them were grinning as Ash flipped the hair from his mullet over his shoulder.  You giggled at his antics while you felt his other hand on your lower back.  

“This okay?”

“Ish fine.”

‘Our brave Y/N got her tongue pierced on a dare but tonight’s the night my best friend and cousin finally admitted that they have feelings for each other.’

After the picture was taken, Dean called a cab for himself and Jo.  She made you promise that you’d text whenever you got back to the dorm with Ash.  You agreed and when the cab pulled up, she hugged you with a wink and told you she’d be back sometime in the next few days.  You waved as the cab pulled away.  It was in that moment, you realized you were alone with Ash.  

“Now that those two are gone,  you let Dr. Badass take care of you, okay?”

“'kay.”

“We need to get you some soft food for the week.  You gonna be okay to go into a store?”  You nodded as a lispy yes came out.  “All right, since Dean and Jo already left, we'll go food shoppin’, get some ice cream, and go back to your dorm and cuddle with no pants on.”

Your face flushed but you were happy.  “Shounds wike a plan.”

“Maybe, if you’re lucky, I can show you some of my piercings.”  You held out your hand with a shy smile as Ash kissed the top of your head and then your cheek.  He laced his fingers with yours as the two of you walked down the street to a small 24 hour convenience store.  You were just grateful that Dean and Jo weren’t here to tease you.  

The next morning however when you checked Instagram, you saw all the pictures Jo had posted from the night before.  “I’m gonna kill her.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it.”  You flipped over so that you were looking at him and raised your eyebrow.  “I need some pictures so I can brag to my friends that I have the prettiest girlfriend, if you agree to it I mean.”

“You're not fucking with me right now are you?”

“We'd have to be naked for that.”

“If I say yes, will you stop talking?”

“Never.  I will be happier than a camel on Hump Day though.”

“Then yes.”

“Well then. I do believe I owe you something.”  You brushed a hand over one of his nipples and gasped.  “That's just one of many darlin’, you just need to keep searchin’.”

--

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