#i have a few hours b4 i gotta work. maybe i could get some writing done 🤔

[orcelito]

oh but i am so excited for the change in narrative of discacc bc aside from the initial stuff with goro getting into the metaverse, there really wasnt That much action to capture, bc most of the action was like. ykno. stuff that already happens in the game. i wasnt gonna have repeats of things that werent significantly different

BUT NOW.............. omfg omfg omfg ive been thinking about the thing this chapter sooo much (which is good considering im at the cusp of writing it) and just. it’s so goddamn FUN. i love writing action!!!!!! fight scenes r so fun!!!!!! and like no i dont have any kind of formal training with fighting BUT neither do my characters. & by working within the bounds of a video game, i have a general set of guidelines to follow, BUT ALSO of course i wont follow them 100%. no one wants to read a fight scene that just perfectly follows the bounds of turn-based gaming, complete with definite restrictions on skills and sp and whatever the fuck. like. the skills are whatever i need them to be. the sp is whatever i need them to be. i can give them whatever items i need them to have for the narrative. that is my freedom as a writer

AND SO. im having some fun stuff. sorry phantom thieves ur having a rough day today

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Best and Worst of Both worlds (part 8)

tw: like nasty living conditions implied

vote on da poll below ill start writing after 20 votes, next chapter will b focusing on monty

part 9

You can't do it. You can't say no to Yves without going through mental hoops. So you sigh as you let him conquer your room.

You had posters of your favorite artists, but they were all lost in the clutter long ago. It reemerged dusty and damaged, but Yves repaired it the best he could. It looks decent enough to hang.

You watched him cover his mouth in contemplation as he looked around the room, trying to figure out the best place to hang it.

Yves has done more for you than everyone else combined in your life. He cleaned, he cooked, he took care of your sickness, he cleaned you, he fed you, and now he's decorating your room to make it more habitable. All of this and you never said a word, neither protest nor request. You just let him do his thing.

From what you read in the group chat, he also replenished your section of the fridge with groceries.

Your housemate took a picture of the things he bought, all of them were labelled with your name. His handwriting is black marker ink undoubtedly beautiful.

Your housemate did warn him that you're not one for cooking, the perishables could potentially go to waste. He replied that he will be visiting over for the next few days to make your meals. One of them even broke the landlord's rules and gave him a spare key to the front door.

Eventually, Yves found the perfect places to position your posters' forever home. Who knew just the strategic placement of some piece of laminated paper would elevate a room? It looks much better and oddly bigger now... well maybe the latter due to his cleanup.

He clasped his hands and admired his work. As he should.

After that, he turned to you. Which made you jolt out of surprise.

"It's been an hour and a half. Do you still want to eat?" He asked.

You checked the time. He's right, it's now half past eleven. You're not hungry anymore, so you told him that you're full. He nodded and left your room again.

Your housemates blew up the group chat due to another wild Yves sighting around the house. Is this how it's going to be from now on?

This time, you received a picture of him portioning the leftover congee in disposable containers. He has his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, showing his lean forearms. You're surprised to see that they were riddled in old scars. It was captioned: "He's freezing the rest"

You squinted and it looks like he's weighing them on an electronic scale. There's a marker pen in this picture.

You sent a message to the group chat asking if he's using his own items.

"I think so??? Idk i have never seen these containers b4" "well theyre not stained yellow yet, he has gotta have these brand new" "yea n hes using rich people sharpies, like none of us here can afford it, all of us get offbrands"

You wonder if he managed to fit them into his handbag.

Yves came back into your room, explaining that the congee will last up to 3 months in the freezer. He also walked you through the steps on how to reheat them by yourself, using the microwave or otherwise. Yves told you not to worry if you couldn't remember what to do, he wrote it down and attached it to the containers- or you could call him instead.

You nodded and waited to see what he would do. Yves seem to be doing the same thing to you for the next few seconds. Eventually though, he deem that you didn't need anything from him at the moment.

"I have to retrieve something from my car." He informed you, walking towards his bag and fishing out his keys. He checked the contents of his thermos cup, it's empty. The metal straw clanked around the walls as he picked it up and carried it with him.

You paid no mind to your housemates' frantic messages enquiring about his departure. You're too tired to care anymore, and you're too tired to know if you actually wanted him here or gone. It's nice to have company for once, but it's from a questionable source.

So you tucked yourself under your blanket and curled up into a ball. Hiding your head under your pillow so you wouldn't need to see Yves when he comes in.

You heard footsteps. And sure enough, Yves is now breathing the same diseased air as you.

But this time, he says nothing. Yves flicked the switch to your lights off and set whatever he has down on your desk.

There was a long period of silence accompanied by the soft sounds of typing. A dim glow from his computer screen illuminated his face and reflected on his reading glasses. He's logging in all the events, the observations and other pieces of data he collected from you today.

Yet you're not awake to see any of it. Blissfully sleeping and snoring away as Yves kept you company throughout the night.

__

You woke up the next morning feeling much better. But still not as healthy as usual. You should be fit enough to go to the university today.

Yves is gone and so are his belongings. However, you found a handwritten note addressed to you on your night stand.

"Your breakfast is in the fridge. Look for a mason jar with your name. It is ready to eat. -Yves"

You stretched and yawned, crumpling the paper and shooting it into the trash can.

You peeled the blanket off yourself and set your feet down onto the floor. That was when you realized he left something on the foot of your bed.

Another note resting on top of a set of neatly folded clothes and a bottle of sunscreen.

"The weather today will be reaching 90⁰F/32.2⁰C, take care of yourself and avoid the sun. -Yves"

The clothes he picked for you were the ones you forgot you had. It was breathable and cooling, but in your daily, personal style. He must have found it yesterday when he did your laundry.

You carried it in your arms and walked to your door to see yet another note- this time it was a folded A4 sized paper, attached to your bag, which looked noticeably lighter and... newer.

"I do not recommend leaving yet. But if you do, I packed an umbrella for you. Please wash your water bottle regularly, it is growing mold. Your bag was full of unnecessary paper scraps, wrappers, food crumbs, and other garbage. I had to hand wash it as I found a dried house lizard pressed between a dictionary and a magazine. Some of the notes and textbooks you carry were not even required for this semester or the next, hence I kept it away on your shelf. Your bag had holes at the bottom and was already falling apart at the seams. I sewed the best I could, but replacing and upgrading is the better option. Be mindful of your belongings.-Yves"

Your face became bright red after reading the last line. You never asked him to do this for you! Why is he judging? He chose to stick around! You don't like being told you're pathetic, directly or indirectly!

Did he really have to underline the word "mold" more than thrice? And why did he switch to red ink for that one word?

You took a deep breath and sighed. Exiting your room to pay a visit to the bathroom.

You were taken aback by the cleanliness. It looked like how it was in the listing, shiny and grime free. The shampoo and soap bottles were arranged neatly with no trace of dark sludge coating it.

There is another note stuck to the mirror.

This time, there were crude drawings depicting penises urinating on your name, no doubt vandalized by your housemates. You went ahead to read what Yves had to say.

"To (name), I replaced your toothbrush as that too, was growing mold. Pay attention to your hygiene or else you will be prone to sickness.- Yves"

There were hearts drawn all around his name, no doubt the culprit was your housemate who took a liking to him.

After taking a shower and changing into your new set of clothes, you left the bathroom to eat breakfast in the kitchen.

You opened the now pristine fridge and sure enough, there is a mason jar with a sticker of your name on its side.

You rotated it to see that he has written something else:

"Banana chia pudding: Chia seeds, almond milk, banana slices, vanilla extract, maple syrup, granola. Gluten-free and lactose-free. Do not heat, eat as is."

You're not sure how to feel about the taste, texture and temperature. It is "sick people" food after all. Perhaps you liked it, perhaps you don't. But you are definitely grateful that you have a free meal from Yves.

One of your housemates entered the kitchen, she greeted you as she began preparing her own meal.

You asked her what time Yves left.

"Beats me. His car was already gone when I woke up at 4am to take a piss. He did leave us a note though."

You asked her what she meant by that.

She shoved her hand in her pant pocket and handed a crumpled piece of paper to you.

"I will visit at 6pm, please take care of (name) for me. -Yves"

You asked where did she find this note.

"Next to the light switch in the living room" She cracked open an egg on her skillet.

You looked at the wall clock. It says 12:03pm

You have around 6 hours left before Yves comes back. There is nothing much to do in your house because the Internet runs at a snail's pace and there is no air conditioning. So you would be boiling in your room.

You think you're well enough to move around and you definitely do not want to spend time with your housemates.

You don't have to go to the university, since your exams are over and so are your classes for the semester. But all the study spots, including the library, have air conditioning.

[bellero]

I Want To Love

Request: request-  heya !! could you maybe write a sister Winchester fic where the reader is being like really irritable and emotional bc she’s struggling with her sexuality, and is like really upset bc she wants to be able to have a girlfriend without feeling afraid of what other people think? and she’s afraid to open up to Sam and Dean about it bc she thinks they won’t understand ? ahhh sorry if this doesn’t make sense 😅 I’ve never requested anything b4. (Also ur fics inspired me to get back into writing !❤️)

Characters: Dean Winchester x Sister!Reader, Sam Winchester x Sister!reader, reader x female!OC.

Warnings: homophobia, internalised homophobia, swearing, anxiety.

Author Note: I’m going to slowly work through my requests. It might take some time but please be patient<3.

----------

You were lying on your bed in the dusty motel room, your brothers were out interviewing a witness on for a case. You had read reports of a ghost that was harming residents of an old, abandoned house. You were scrolling through a tag you had found on twitter, it warmed and broke your heart simultaneously. You loved that these people were proud and comfortable with living life 100% authentically, but it also made you sad knowing you’d never be able to do that. It broke your heart knowing you’d never be able to publicly love a woman. It’s nothing to do with your family, god no, your brothers have never cared about that stuff. As long as you were happy, they were fine. However, you had always had this internalised shame for being gay. 

The door opened and your brothers walked in, “how’d it go?” you asked placing your now locked phone on the bedside table. Sam and Dean took off their jackets, Sam was sat at a small table with his laptop open and Dean was sat on the bed next to you “well, you were right. It’s definitely a ghost attacking these victims” Sam said, you did a small fist bump which caused them to smile at you, “luckily the person wasn’t cremated. Her remains are still in her grave, we’re gonna grab some food and head over” he explained further. You nodded your head and scooted to the edge of the bed “does this seem like a safe enough hunt for me to partake in?or...” you asked. Dean shot you a look,  

“kiddo, you know you have to rest up that ankle. I’m fine with you coming with us and helping out with the research but you gotta take care of yourself” you let out a groan and flopped onto your back, “fine” you grumbled. You had injured your ankle two weeks ago during a Wendigo hunt, it wasn’t broken, just badly sprained but that didn’t stop your brothers from overreacting. Dean stood up and hovered over you, “you hungry?” he asked, you nodded your head and sat up “you left me for three hours with no food in the motel room and no money. Of course I’m hungry, you idiot” you glared, he put the palm of his hand on your head and pushed you so you fell back onto the bed, you let out a laugh and kicked his leg, “can we go to that diner we drove past on the way here?” you asked, Dean nodded his head and turned to Sam who was typing away on his laptop, “Sammy, you coming?” he asked, Sam nodded his head and shut down his laptop. Your brothers left the motel room before you but quickly jumped when you pushed your way between them and ran towards the Impala, “I call shotgun!” you yelled at Sam whose eyes widened as he chased after you, Dean rolled his eyes but had a fond smile on his face as he watched the two of you fight over the front seat. Eventually Sam picked you up and moved you away causing you to flip him off.

-----------------

The car stopped outside of the diner, you jumped out and walked in-between your brothers. “I’ve never been this excited to eat in my entire life” you muttered under your breath. Dean swung an arm over your shoulders “we are so related” he said causing you to let out a snort of laughter.  

You stepped into the diner followed by your brothers you inhaled the smell of freshly baked food, Sam motioned to an empty booth near the back, you walked over, Dean slid in next to the window and you sat next to him, Sam sat opposite the both of you. You leant over Dean slightly and grabbed a menu, you opened it and began looking through your options.  

You heard footsteps skip over to where you were sat, “Hi, I’m Sophie and I’ll be serving you today, can I get you anything?” you looked up and felt your heart stop beating, your eyes widened slightly so you quickly adverted them back to the menu. You felt Dean elbow you in the side causing you to glare and hit him back “you having anything?” he asked, you nodded your head and glanced back at the waitress “yeah, I uh, could I have a bacon cheeseburger with fries and a water... please” you stuttered out with an awkward smile, you cleared your throat and handed her your menu, she took it out of your hands “awesome, be back soon!” She walked away, you followed subtly with your eyes, you quickly snapped out of it and shook your head. You look at your brothers who were smirking at you “what?” you asked somewhat defensively “you got a little flustered there, huh?” Dean asked, you narrowed your eyes at him and shook your head “no, I just think I’ve seen her somewhere before, that’s all” you swallowed nervously, luckily, they left it alone.

You were talking about the case when the waitress came back with your drinks, “I’ll bring your food out in a sec” she said with a smile, you let out a deep breath and took a sip of your water, you had said one sentence to this girl and you were already smitten and flustered, you put your water back on the table “how long do you think it’ll take to salt and burn the bones? I don’t really wanna be in that motel room on my own for hours. That place is creepy” you muttered at the end whilst taking another sip of water, “hopefully not too long, it’s a pretty cut and dry case” Sam explained, you nodded your head and let out a small yawn, “did you even sleep last night?” Dean asked, you shrugged your shoulders, your brothers knew that shrugging your shoulders was another way of you saying “no”.  

Sam sent you a look of disapproval, “you need to sleep, Y/n. We don’t want you getting hurt on a hunt because you become sleepy” you looked at him and rolled your eyes, you went to speak but was interrupted by the waitress coming back over with your food “here you go! One chicken salad, and two bacon cheeseburgers with fries” she handed Dean’s over and then yours, you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion when you felt a piece of paper on the bottom of the plate. When Sam and Dean weren’t looking you pulled out the paper,  

hey, I don’t usually do this but I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime?  

Here’s my number, let me know!

-Sophie.

You sucked in a breath a smiled a little, you quickly tucked the piece of paper in your jacket pocket and grabbed the salt and tomato ketchup, “so what’s the plan of action?” you asked whilst sprinkling salt over your fries, Sam grabbed it out of your hand and frowned “stop using so much, it’s not good for you” you and Dean shared a look before shaking your heads, “and we’re gonna drop you off back at the motel and then drive over to the cemetery” you nodded your head and grinned, it gives you a perfect opportunity to meet with Sophie.

------------

Your brothers had just left to finish the hunt, you had been pacing the motel room for a solid ten minutes. You collapsed onto your bed with a sigh and unlocked your phone. The cemetery was about a half hour drive away, it’d take another half hour the dig up the grave, if not more and another half hour drive back. You had around an hour and a half, two hours at the most.  

You typed Sophie’s number into your phone and started typing out a text,  

Hey, it’s the girl from the diner. I’m free tonight if you wanted to hang out? My brothers are out for a few hours and I'm getting a bit bored. My name’s Y/n by the way!

You threw your phone down on the bed and let out a sigh, ‘the text sounded so stupid’ you thought, you walked over to the sink and went to turn on the tap to get some water when you phone binged, you ran and dived on the bed. You opened the message and grinned.

Hey! I didn’t actually think you’d text, but I’d love to hang out. I’ve got about an hour left on my shift here if you’d like to keep me company, it’s been a real quiet night. Also, I like your name, it’s cute x

You let out a small laugh and buried your face in the blanket. You’d never been this flustered over a girl before. Granted this was the first time you’d actually tried to flirt with a girl. You shot her a text back.

I’d love that. The place we’re staying at is 10 mins away. I’ll see you soon? X

You clicked send and went to put your phone down before you quickly typed out another one.

Also, your name is cute too x

You let out a smile and grabbed your jacket, you wrote out a quick note and placed it on the table,

Got a bit hungry so I’ve headed back to the diner. Call when you’re back – Y/n x

You slipped your jacket on, pocketed your phone and some of the money Sam had left for you and walked out of the door.

---------

You were slightly freezing when you entered the diner, it was a cold night and you were fairly certain your hands had turned blue. You cupped your hands over your mouth and breathed hot air into them. You looked around and spotted an empty booth near the back tucked away in the corner, you walked over and sat down. You shrugged your jacket off your shoulders and rested your arms on the table. Letting out a sigh you pulled out your phone and checked the time, you had maybe an hour and a half before your brothers came back, you were snapped out of your thoughts when somebody placed a cup of hot chocolate in front of you.  

You looked up and smiled, you tucked your phone away and grabbed the hot chocolate. ”Hey” you breathed, she sat down across from you with a small smile on her face, she had deep dimples on both sides of her mouth, her emerald green hair was pulled up in a tight ponytail and the apron she was wearing had coffee stains over it. “Hi” she giggled, “how’re you?” she asked, you nodded your head “I’m good, thanks for the hot chocolate. It’s freezing out” she nodded and smiled “it’s fine, your lips were practically blue. I didn’t want you to stay freezing” she looked down for a quick second and looked back up at you “so, I’m guessing you aren’t from around here?” she asked, you let out a small laugh and shook your head. You took a quick sip of hot chocolate, “no, me and my brothers are from Lebanon. We travel a lot though for... work” you furrowed a brow whilst you tried to explain the complexity of your situation, “hunters, right?” she asked.  

Your eyes widened which made her laugh, “I mean c’mon. You guys roll into town days after a mysterious murder? Plus this a small town, one of our regulars came in and told me about how some guy knocked on his door claiming to be FBI but then started asking him about cold spots and flashing lights” you let out a small breath and started laughing. You looked up at her and tilted your head “how did you find out about the things that go bump in the night?” you asked, she sighed “my dad use to hunt a lot. One night he went out to hunt a vamp nest but he didn’t come back... we don’t know if they turned him or killed him” her voice was quiet and her eyes were downcast, you reached over and grabbed her hand “I’m sorry that happened to you, I know what it’s like to loose somebody you care about... it’s not great” you sympathised, she slowly laced your fingers together and smiled softly “yeah, I guess it helps talking about it... my mom acts like it didn’t happen, she’s in denial about the whole thing so talking to her is pretty useless” she explained, you gave her hand a gentle squeeze which caused her to look up at you “you can talk to me” you offered, she smiled and nodded her head.  

It had been about half an hour since you arrived, you had talked a lot about hunting, she had asked you about what it was like living with your brothers, you asked her about school. She was a little jealous about the fact that you didn’t have to go.

“I swear Sam is so overbearing with school stuff. The second we found the bunker he started researching schools in the area” you laughed whilst eating a fry, “we came to a compromise that he would just home school me instead, I thought it’d be awful but it isn’t too bad” she let out a laugh, “what did Dean think about it all?” Sophie asked with a fond grin on her face, you shrugged your shoulders “he didn’t really care... I mean don’t get me wrong, he did try to talk me into going to school a couple times but when he realised I wasn’t budging he gave up, left it all to Sam” you smiled, it’s rare you get to recounter the good memories you shared with your older siblings, it was nice being able to talk about them this way.

Sophie looked at you for a few seconds and you stared back, “are you out yet?” she asked, you froze slightly but managed to shake your head, “I’ve been debating it... I know they wouldn’t care, they’d be happy for me either way but I’m still just so scared, y’know? I mean, even I’m still battling with myself about the whole thing... I just don’t think I’m quite ready, I’m almost there. It’s just going to take a little more time, I think...” you trailed off, it was her turn to grab your hand this time, “whatever you decide to do, I’m here for you. You don’t have to rush this, take your time” she said rubbing her thumb across the skin of your hand. You smiled softly and clasped her hand in yours, “thank you, it means a lot” she smiled and brought your hand up to her mouth and gently placed a kiss on your knuckles, “anytime”.

Your little moment was interrupted by your phone ringing, you sighed and answered it,

“Hey, Dean.... I’m at the diner, got a bit hungry but I left a note...” you rolled your eyes, “I didn’t call or text because I didn’t want disrupt you guys” Sophie stifled a laugh, you grinned at her “nah it’s fine, I’ll walk back, kay see ya!” you hung up the phone and huffed out a breath which causes Sophie to let out a laugh “never have older brothers, they suck” you rolled your eyes, she smiled and nodded “duly noted” she checked the time whilst you looked around the empty diner “wanna help me close up?” you nodded your head and stood up, you helped her collect the dishes and clean them, it was quiet but it wasn’t awkward. It was comfortable. It felt right.

You were drying and putting the dishes away whilst she cleaned them, “hey, Y/n” you turned and was met with soap suds to the face, your lips quirked at the sound of her giggling, “I’m glad you found that funny” you said whilst wiping them off your face, you grabbed a handful and covered her head with it, you were both laughing, you handed her the towel as she dried off her head whilst you wiped your face with the other one, you placed your towel on the counter and looked at her “you uh.. You missed a bit” you said pointing, she tilted her head to the side, “let me just-” you gently took the towel out of her hand and patted the part of her head that was still damp with soap suds, you cleared your throat as you put the towel back down, you turned your back and finished drying the rest of the dishes, you grabbed for a cup when you felt her grab your hand, you looked at her to find her already staring at you. You smiled softly, “hey” you whispered, she laughed “hey” she stepped closer and you could feel your heart jump into your throat.  

You looked down as she intertwined her fingers with yours, you smiled softly and gave her hand a small squeeze. With a slow exhale you looked up to find that she was pretty much toe to toe with you. She reached up and tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear, she went to speak when a knock on the diner door sounded, you stepped away and looked over to the door, you had let out a groan of annoyance when you saw your oldest brother stood there, Sophie shot you and amused grin when she walked over and unlocked it allowing him to enter.  

You stepped out of the kitchen, “Dean, I told you I was going to walk back” you said, he shrugged his shoulders, “it was getting late, plus I don’t think you’d wanna walk back in that” he gestured outside, you pulled a face at the sight of the pouring rain.  

Dean turned to Sophie, “you need a ride home?” he asked, she shook her head but grinned over at you “nah, I'm good. I’ve got a car” she pointed towards the red Jaguar. Dean nodded in approval “is that the 1994 XJS model?” he asked, his interest suddenly peaked, Sophie nodded her head. You looked at Dean, “so, are we heading back or?” you asked, he snapped out of whatever trance he was in “sure, grab your stuff, I’ll go wait in the car” he walked out and jogged towards the impala.  

You turned back to Sophie, “I’m sorry for him. He sees a nice car and turns... weird...” you trailed off as you slipped your jacket on, she shook her head “it’s fine... so this is goodbye, huh?” she said, your turned towards her with a small frown on your face and shook your head “no, absolutely not. I’d love to see you again... I’m about an hour out, so it’s not too far” you shrugged, she smiled and nodded “I’d love to see you again too... we’ll have to plan something” you nodded, it was silent for a while “what were you going to say? Before Dean interrupted...” you asked, she stepped forward “I was just wondering if I could kiss you...” she trailed off looking down at the floor, you smiled softly and stepped closer to her, you were eventually toe to toe again, she looked up at you “okay” you spoke softly.  

--------

You ran towards the Impala, the rain was coming down a lot heavier. You opened the passenger door and sat down, you closed the door and turned your hands towards the heaters “I hate the rain” you grumbled. Dean chucked and slowly drove out of the parking lot.  

It was silent for the majority of the car ride, that was until Dean spoke up. “I uh... I wasn’t interrupting anything back there, was I?” he asked, you froze and turned to him. You quickly shook your head, “no, I was helping her clean up and got soap on my face, there was still some in my hair so she was getting rid of it” you spoke, you hated lying to your brother but it was easier than the truth, “you sure?” he asked, you nodded your head, “okay” he spoke.

You jumped out of the impala and into the apartment, throwing your jacket and phone onto the bed, “hey, Sammy. Gotta pee” he laughed when you raced past him into the bathroom, Dean walked in after you and shook his head, “dude, what took so long?” Sam asked, Dean shrugged off his jacket and sat on the bed “I was waiting for Y/n, she made friends with that waitress from earlier” Dean explained, Sam furrowed his brows at his brother, a sign he knew there was more. Dean let out a sigh “I think I may have interrupted something... I don’t know, when I asked her about it, she lied. Do you think she’s hiding something?” Dean asked, Sam pondered for a moment “possibly, but we shouldn’t grill her about it. She'll tell us eventually” Sam said, hoping his idiot of an older brother would listen.

Dean sighed, he was about to talk when your phone interrupted him, you had a text. Dean looked down at your phone and then over to Sam whose head was wrapped up in research. He subtly grabbed your phone and flipped it over so that the screen was facing him.

Hey, I had a lot of fun tonight. It was great meeting you... I guess we could count this as our first official date? I hope we can see each other again... soon...  

-Sophie x

Dean’s eyes widened, “I knew it” he muttered causing Sam to look up from his computer in confusion, “I knew I was interrupting something, read this” he said standing up, he passed the phone over to Sam who read the text out loud, Sam raised his eyebrows.  

You opened the door, “what’re you looked at?” you asked, your eyebrows furrowed when Sam hid whatever was in his hand by his leg, “what’s that?” you asked. Your two brothers looked at each other, silently communicating, “no... no you are not doing this weird telepathy thing. What is it, what’re you hiding? We said no more secrets, remember?” you explained getting frustrated. The boys looked at each other, Sam let out a sigh and held out your phone.  

You furrowed your eyebrows and snatched it away from him, “why were you looking at my phone?” you asked defensively, you saw that you’d had a text from Sophie, you read it and froze. You felt tears rush to your eyes and you started shaking, “you read my text?” you asked not looking at either of them.  

The silence was deafening, “why the hell would you do that? Haven’t you ever heard of privacy? God, I can’t believe you did this!” you yelled, you walked towards the door but was stopped in your tracks by Dean grabbing your arm. You yanked it out of his grip and glared at him, “what?” you spat causing his gaze to harden, “hey, you don’t get to run out. We need to talk about this” you rolled your eyes, “talk about what? You already know what it is, you invaded my privacy!” tears filled your eyes, “you had no right to do that. You had no right to look through my phone, either of you!” you walked over to the bed and sat down, “I wasn’t even ready to tell you guys... Every time I’ve thought about telling you I’d just choke up. It was like the words were in my mouth, but I just couldn’t say them” you explained with tears rolling down your face, “I mean, I’ve felt so isolated and alone because I couldn’t talk to anybody about it, it feels like a weight on your shoulders and it’s so exhausting, carrying it is so exhausting” you whimpered, you didn’t notice that your brothers were now sat on either side of you with tears in their eyes, “hiding this, it’s been so difficult... there’s always been a part of me that hates the fact that I like girls. It absolutely despises it. Which sucks because I can’t change who I am and I don’t want to change who I am... I don’t know what to do” you finished, quiet whimpers leaving your mouth.

Dean grabbed your hand, “I’m proud of you... I can’t begin to imagine how you’re feeling... I’m sorry I invaded your privacy” he paused and looked at Sam, “we both are, but you don’t have to go through this on your own. We’ve got your back, kiddo” he said whilst brushing away your tears with his thumb, “Dean’s right, Y/n. Sure we don’t know how this feels but we can try our best to understand” he knelt down in front of you, “but you’ve gotta talk to us. We can’t help if you keep things bottled up.” he picked up your phone and held it out in front of you, “I think the best place to start would be to text that girl... she clearly cares about you. You can’t be scared forever, sweetheart” you took the phone out of Sam’s hand and sighed, you placed it beside you.  

You rested your head on Dean’s shoulder and grabbed Sam’s hands in yours, “I love you both, so much” you whispered, “love you too” “love you too, kiddo” they replied back.

----------------------------------

Forever Tags-

@winchesters-favorite-girl @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish @keira-willow  @max-peralta @assbutt-still-in-hell @internationalmusicteacher @rosie-winchester  @hero-ically  @waywardnewcomer @hi-my-name-is-riley  @rosegoldquintis   @wegoddessofhell @saturn-aka-six @paintballkid711 @wecantgiggleitsafandom @daughters-and-winsisters @anxiouslymalicious 

[simon-jess]

Simon movie/music headcanons? Simon and/or Jessica + babysitting (since you said he’s better with kids and I’d love to see your take). Also the obligatory “ah crap we gotta go to Gotham” hc/storyline crossover with Batfam/Batman? No pressure you just said “ideas?” And I saw so many scrolling through :)

I’m crying thank you!!! ok I really really really blabbered on here so I’m gonna put a read more on

music : Simon was a hundred percent behind Britney Spears & really hated (& still hates J*stin T*mberlake) & is still a known stan, also he loved the Spice Girls & while he’s been  a lil busy to listen to current music & know who they’re talking about he would totally die for Beyoncé

movie’s : he’s a nerd so I think he’d be really into sci-fi/fantasy movies but also I think he’d watch gotg & yell about how theres actually no sound in space so in reality I think he unapologetically loves romcoms & his fav movies are The Princess Bride, 2005′s Pride & Prejudice, Big Eden tbh & also Jessica thinks its adorable

babysitting : ok ok my actual weakness? Simon with kids??? ok ok, he’s literally the best uncle ever & its not like he’s a kid whisperer but he’d literally never raise his voice to a minor/woman ever like he could be giving Farid cooking lessons & Farid could literally dumb boiling water on him & Simon would be all calm & make sure FArid was ok & the stuff was put away b4 he saw to his burns like he..just won’t yell at kids, he’s a good man & he was yelled at by alot of people when he was little & he’d never wanna be a grown ass man who tried to scare kids like them so he just would never???? & when he’s watching kids they get that, like they know he’s gonna enforce the rules but he’d like talk to them not scream/punish, & he’s really good at getting into their games because he can literally carry like 4 toddlers at once somebody stop this beautiful man. when any of Farid’s friends accidentally break one of his toys (or Farid himself) Simon can literally just fix it & he makes sure they understand that so they don’t get to upset. he’s also a firm believer in the saying sorry rule as in “sorry means you won’t do “it” again” & makes sure the kids understand that when they are in trouble, he also is really cool & really does enjoy spending his free time w family & friends, so he will always help Farid & his friends (if they’re over) w homework & he loves helping him w projects tbh (when Farid is older & in the science fair, trust me when I say Farid’s not entering with a weak ass volcano), there’s so much more I can go on about Simon & kids forever so I’m prob gonna make a parent hc post eventually tbh, so I’m gonna move on to Jessica.

Jessica : admittedly I put less thought into this, ok so while I think Jess isn’t bad w kids like she’s not one of those freaks who are mean to kids for no reason, I don’t think she’d like actively try to deal with them like on cases she’s content having Simon play w them & honestly she doesn’t like babies they cry & they can be hurt so easily & she doesn’t want to hurt them so she never holds them & like children kinda give her anxiety because she doesn’t wanna upset them so she overthinks everything she says & does w them & how they interpret it & it’s a never ending spiral of panicking so…yeah she doesn’t seek em out, but! when they go to her while she’s patroling or hanging w Simon’s fam or something she’s so nice??? she doesn’t realize it but her smile & how she talks to them?? every kid just gets inspired to be just like her?? like with Simon they feel safe but with Jessica they feel like heroes??? does any of that make sense I’m just kinda blabbering & I’m gay & can’t explain my thoughts properly lol

gotham/batfam : ok them going to Gotham for a case is interesting but whats more interesting??? going to Gotham because Bruce invited him! like Bats invited him to the cave so…he visits, like while he works w the League it makes sense for him to work on the League’s official vehicles, but he gets asks to look at the batmobile? like ok let me explain Bats is a dad & Simon’s roughly his eldest’s age so he low-key reminds him of Dick (esp personality wise) & he feels unappreciated? Bats isn’t good w words but he is good w gestures so yeah he asks Simon to fix his car after is crashes the billionth time & yeah he lets Simon upgrade it lord knows it needed them & sure maybe he had Alfred bully Simon into staying for dinner to make sure he ate & sure maybe he made sure Damian was here because Simon loves children & having him teach Damian about cars while he worked on it cheered him up but he doesn’t care or anything (he’s /this/ close to writing up adoption orders).

Simon w the rest of the fam starting w Alfred: he loves him there’s just a shared respect of someone who does everything for family, like everytime they see eachother the look the exchange…it tells a thousand stories, also they exchange reciepes & cooking tips (& parenting tips) all the time & when Simon goes over he’ll bring something he made from one of Alf’s recipes & Alf will make one of Simon’s & they’ll see how it turned out….what I’m saying is that they’re bros’s they’re /this/ close to starting a book club together

Dick: like Alfred they bonded near instantly from the mutual reconition of doing everything for their family but also Dick hit on him once & if Simon wasn’t crazy about Jessica right then he would’ve taken him up on it, Simon mostly visits either to just chat, for some advice w Jessica or tbh to hang w his bf Tiger,  when he visits he always brings food so Dick really doesn’t mind tbh, long story short is they bros but like more low-key than him & Alf & Bruce

Jason: Simon doesn’t really have a no killing rule or anything but he doesn’t like it at all y’know but he also doesn’t disagree w Jason’s methods so he doesn’t but heads w him but Jason did come to see him w he found out he was hanging w Alf, now Jason joined in on his & Alf’s recipe trades & sometimes they’ll talk about books or something. Really they’re not close but Jason really appreciates having another person to talk to (& he really is that ride or die friend) & who doesn’t judge him at all tbh & Simon’s really just the same way, like they only talk once or twice a month but they do mean alot to each other. also Jason bullies Simon into befriending Roy,Artemis & Bizzaro & while the latter two took some time to like him & Roy hit it off immediately to Jason’s instant regret

Tim: Tim’s smart but honestly him & Simon just clash y’know & (tim stans don’t interact) like y’know if he wanted to talk to a genius he’d talk to Cyborg,Cisco,Dick, or Bruce (who are smarter)? before him like Tim’s just young enough & just old enough that Simon doesn’t really deal w his age group? I do think Simon’s nice to him but theres just no friendship between them they just coexist tbh

Duke: Duke’s a new young hero who’s actually up in the daytime!?? so yeah him & Simon run into eachother alot & Simon’s been in the business just long enough not to be a rookie so he helps alot & Simon was shocked at how smart Duke was tbh & really likes talking stuff w him if only to see how long it’ll take for him to figure it out? & its always so quick? Simon can’t wait to see how big he’ll be in a few years so while Simon’s only like 6-8 years older then him he’s sorta tryin to be a mentor to him

Damian: Bruce is Jewish & so is literally the rest of the fam so Simon’s literally one of the only practicing Muslims that see Damian often so he invites Damian to his family for their holidays & celebrations & that may be the only times they interact but it means so much to Damian & the family when he does it

Cass: Cass is the best judge of character in the entire DC universe & she saw Simon & decided he was good & just?? befriended him like they don’t bond over anything in particular but Simon always treats her like a princess (in a nice way) & Cass & Jess are friends so Simon’s cool w her & they’re both pretty much the friends yelling (& signing in Cass’s case) your doing amazing sweetie when they see eachother

Steph: She’s closer to Jessica but honestly Stephanie’s the Gina Linetti of the dc universe she’s that bitch she’s a known icon, when you need someone destroyed via social media you go to her & given the amount of shit on the green lantern official twitter (they’ve had one for public realations since Hal’s Earth GL days) against Simon & Jessica for terrible reasons…lets just say…Steph’s the friend to have tbh (Vic, & Babs just threaten to shut down twitter when it happens Steph detroys them)

Luke: Simon heard Luke’s story & he knew how smart he was but he wasn’t ready for when they met, they talked for hours & once Simon invited him to come to a bar w him & Vic they immediately become that group of science bros, but also he & Vic are like the only people Simon knows that “sport” & while Simon really doesn’t its nice to feel like a “normal” dude sometimes so he always watches the game w him

Tiffany : Tiffany’s such a genius & Simon’s a engineer & Tiffany thought that was so cool “Luke you’ve gotta invite him over c’mooooon” so yeah Simon came over to meet this Tiffany & they literally spent the better part of an entire day talking shop it was honestly one of the best days of Simon’s life, now Simon takes her to science exhibits w Luke & lectures & Tiffany tells him about what she learned each day & Simon always asks the right questions & yeah they’re just nerdy bffs

Helena (Rebirth): she scared him at first but Simon understands trying to be a hero after doing things you’re not proud of & situations you can’t always control & they may not be friends but Simon does believe she’s good & that means everything to her

Babs (Oracle): you can’t be a hero & not know who Oracle is, she keeps everything running together?? they don’t talk much honestly Simon barely knows her name but aside from his Mom,Sister, & Jessica there’s no one he respects more

Claire : Simon thought it was funny at first, like this little girl really got up & decided to be a hero & then did it??? & continues to do it everynight???? but then he found out what it does to her & Simon & her have & will probaly never meet but Simon always asks about her to make sure she’s doing ok, Simon is planning on going to the guardians to see why she can’t get a ring because he can’t think of much things braver than dying a little bit each time you’re a hero

Harper  : she really did that? like for her brother god does Simon respect that & Simon  doing all of that for someone who may as well be his brother? god does Harper respect that. they bond over mechanical stuff & help each other on projects & once they started hanging out God does Harper’s suit & gadgets improve like holy shit  

Kate : Simon was honestly uncomfortable with her when he found out she was ex military & honestly is still a little but he does recognize her importance & when he sees her prowling the night god  does he leave her alone 

Jessica w the Batfam stating w Bruce : I like to think there’s a few hero support groups for various things & she didn’t wanna go to the anxiety one alone so Bats (who already went but she didn’t need to know that) offered to go with her & she knew he took Simon to the depression one so she said yes, & now they go together every week & honestly it means alot to her & they kinda bonded over that (and how much they both love Simon (Bruce in a paternal way) 

Alfred : Jessica adores Alfred he’s like the second easiest person to talk to & he’s so calming & he makes tea & he never talks down to her & he gives good advice so whenever Simon visits Jessica tries to come to if just to sit with the man he’s her new favorite Grampa 

Dick : Dick’s younger than the league but super experienced in the hero business & tbh theres not many who are more experienced so when she needs help w a gig but is not about to call the league the contacts him (over text obv), they don’t hang much, because despite popular taste Dick’s a lil too serious for her taste, she does appreciate the effort he makes to make her feel like they’re peers when he’s clearly issuing commands, she def sees thru his jokes & facade & while she never mentions it there’s a understanding between them  

Jason : Jess doesn’t like killing point blank (ayy) but she understands the J*ker needs to uhhh die so she refuse to hang w him on moral grounds but also she’s low-key rooting for him tbh 

Tim : I think they just met over completely normal conversations?? like they both just awkwardly talked & everytime they meet they just meet & awkwardly talk? Jessica’s glad he’s back (it was not fun seeing Bats mourn) & Tim thinks she’s a fucking powerhouse but yeah their relationship is literally the  friends of a mutual friend that constantly meet & talk but also aren’t really friends 

Duke : Jess thinks Duke is so cool, he’s one of Gotham’s only superpowered heroes & he’s pretty much its only line of defense during the day. what she didn’t expect was how much of a nerd he was, when they finally met they spent no less than 8 hours throughout the day talking about Lord of the Rings

Damian : Damian doesn’t partically care about Jess one way or the other but when they did meet he wanted to know why she changed her costume as the old one was clearly had a better design, Jess didn’t have the heart to explain all that happened but they did start talking about art & stuff, now their relationship is mostly Jess commissioning him to draw her oc’s tbh 

Cass : Cass is also part of the girls club & honestly Jess & her bond so much talking about how their disability’s effect their day to day lives, they each have their own support system but there’s no reason they can’t support eachother. aren’t close friends but are still one of eachothers greatest cheerleaders 

Steph : Steph is part of the girls club & they both love pokemon honestly they kept on running into eachother when pokemon go came out & they still play it together, alot of the girl heroes get together all the time for a ladies night & while Jess isn’t ready yet Steph is putting an honest (& impressive) effort in convincing her (she’s close tho) 

Luke : they’re so mutually impressed by eachothers determination, like they’re not close at all but god do they respect eachother 

Tiffany : they respect eachothers aesthetics & thats the strongest way for women to become friends tbh, always have makeup on hand for eachother. their friendship is the true definition of girl solidarity tbh. Tiffany’s so busy coming off as intelligent that sometimes she forgets to be a lil girl & its so easy w Jessica, Luke swears she looks like she’s going to disneyland or something everytime Jessica comes over 

Helena (Rebirth): again she doesn’t like killers but she’s part of the girls club & while there may be no love between them Jess does believe in second chances & she really is rooting for her 

Babs : Jessica is so shook by her, Babs is shook by her they recognize powerhouses when they see it & Jessica seeing a disabled woman being easily the power house of the batfam??? she’s honestly never felt so inspired, Jess hands down hero worships her & tbh Babs is shocked because a effing Green Lantern thinks she’s powerful & that mutual validation??? awe inspiring 

Claire : they also met at the hero support group & Jessica’s with Simon, like she came back to life (sorta) because of a Green Lantern ring why can’t Claire have one?? they hang out together & honestly Claire’s one of the few people Jessica’s comfortable going “out & about” with 

Harper : part of the girl squad & while they don’t have much in common they really do like each other in wow that one girl that saved me last night seems really cool tbh, definite respect there

Kate : she’s so gay for her but everytime Kate flirts w her she forgets how to fuction therefore their relationship is in a constant impasse tbh, the constant paradox of wanting to be her gf but also can’t talk to her & Kate just wants to learn her name 

omg that took forever pls tell me if I missed anyone & please feel free to send more asks!!! thank you!!!

[scraya-blog]

                       「 I ALWAYS WANTED TO LIVE THIS LIFE !                          I ALWAYS WANTED TO WEAR THAT ICE 」

       I     A L W A Y S     W A N T E D     P A R A D I S E

❝ — look, now it don’t take a lot to make you rich. i’m addicted to a lot of ( c r a z y ) shit. man, i feel like money is the best kind of drug. sometimes hate can be the best love. ❞

        jordan alexander blake. xxiii. socal born ‘n raised.

woWOWOw !!! i’m so friggin excited to be here w/ all y’all .. . . like i deadass just spent the past hour just flippin thru all the pages in the main again ‘cos my ugly ass was TOO ready 4 this .. ok so before i introduce my son , jordan (joe, danny boy, joey, j-jo, jojo, jordy o-lordy, lmfAO), let me introduce myself first smh. 

so i’m rox lol........ well tHAT’S IT!!! ok but seriously tho... i’m fukin boring. uHHh? so, i’m 9teen ‘n i talk a lot ‘n idk i lov pasta ,.. i like garlic bread... i like italian food in general.. rofl . i also have a dog ‘n a cat ‘n i buy 2 many books that i’ll never read 

ok now that that’s over w/ let’s get to the good stuff:

— first of all, jordan is an emo ass fuccQboi lol.. he’s always brooding off set tbh contemplating shit ‘n has trouble understanding the whole concept of monogamy rofl. the interns find his moody behavior sexy in that weird vampy way lmao but everyone who actually knows jordan thinks he needs 2 lighten the fuck up ‘n smile more cos his angsty shit can get tiring so fast

— noah fence but he’s like the worst person to talk to abt anything bcos half of the time if u try to get deep w/ him he’ll just walk away. he finds talkin abt stuff like that to be a waste of his time ‘n he hardly ever has the patience to indulge ppl abt them. this is why it’s so difficult for ppl to get an interview w/ him bc he hates small talk ‘n he also hates deep talk-- ok so he hates talking in general

— despite his unwillingness to rly converse w/ ppl, he’s kind of, in a strange way, charismatic like idk ... he’s super considerate when it comes down to it like he’ll hold the elevator doors for u if he sees u sprinting down the hallway, he’ll begrudgingly come 2 ur aid if someone is buggin u, and he is overall just lowkey a sweetheart. jordan doesn’t seem like the type of person to care abt the welfare of others but he’s actually extremely generous w/ his money and donates a good portion of it to lesser known charities in order to raise awareness for their causes

— jordan has never had a real long lasting relationship b4 bcos he always finds a way to sabotage himself lol, ‘n bcos of that, he is unsure if he’s even ... how u say... “boyfriend-material” rofl. he’s just allowed himself to fit the mold of a hollywood heartbreaker

— if u manage to earn jordan’s trust ‘n affection, u will also earn a v powerful ally . he’s a great friend ‘n once he opens up 2 u, u will see a much more simpler side to him than everyone else believes. ppl write him off as an unapproachable complexity but tbh he’s the most basic ass person to exist. he fukin loves pho, he watches dexter late into the night, has a poor diet which mostly consists of energy drinks and black coffee, and doesn’t know how to use a laundry machine. once yall r friends u can best bet on getting a call at 2 in the morning asking if u’ve read stephen king’s cujo...

— so jordan is an intellect deep down beyond all the emo “dont wanna talk about it” layers lol and craves a good book more than he does someone to sleep w/ (although the latter is always nice). i think bc ppl perceive him as a casanova who spends more time dressing himself than actually learning a thing or two-- he just lets ppl believe what they want. but my son loves 2 listen to NPR ‘n jazz more than go to a concert

— TW: DEATH family is a bit of a sore topic for jordan bcos when he graduated college at 21, his dad wanted him to take over at the hedge fund he owned. jordan tried for a year before deciding that it really wasn’t for him and that he wanted to go into the film industry instead. his dad took it p hard and had a stroke that he did not survive. his mother blamed his death on jordan and, as a result, he officially left the company and abandoned his family surname ‘price’ and went by a new name instead.

— the blow of losing his entire family and having to start new cost him his friends and social life as jordan spent the next two years following his dad’s death working harder than ever. he’d always been ambitious but with nothing to his name and everything to prove, he went above and beyond with his acting career so he could start his own legacy . but the grief of not just losing his dad but his whole fam has driven him 2 do some stupid things.. like getting into fights w/ paps ‘n rly rude ppl who have said some unsavory things to the girls he’d been seeing briefly

—  bcos of his devil-may-care attitude ‘n dangerous behavior, he’s a tabloid favorite since he’s always making headlines w/ what crazy stunt he just pulled off . he just nEEds a niCE PErsON TO TAME HIM OK HE’S TOO MUCH SOMEtIMES N HE NEEDS A GOOD PERsON TO BALANcE HIM OUT sMH!??!

— jordan may come off as a v serious and cutthroat actor but he’s a fuckin mess lowkey. he’s only friendly to the select few within his social circle and doesn’t rly care much for anybody else. ppl have called him selfish for the way he uses ppl to his advantage, but others have called him pragmatic. after all, one cant be faulted for knowing what they want in life and doing whatever possible to get it

— he’s always typecasted as the goofy sidekick or the frat brother who does dumb things-- so playing raleigh in university is a bit different from his usual range. he’s actually not used to playing someone who’s more along his own personality— what with the inability to maintain a relationship and whatnot— so this is a v personal experience for himself. although one would think that he’s a rather difficult person to work with given his aloof and apathetic attitude, he’s rly hard working ‘n more than willing to cooperate w/ everyone bc he loves the industry ‘n wants every project of his to succeed!! so esp. w/ uni and this new experience for him, he wants tru criticism from his peers ‘n will send those waves right back at them!

— ok lastly, he’s literally... just a baby inside of a grown man who wants 2 lov ‘n trust ppl the way he used to do b4 he was hurt?? (maybe a past ex who tragically broke his heart ‘n he never got over it? plot this w/ me lol) and he is kind of an idiot w/ emotions ‘n he means well ‘n sometimes he doesn’t communicate it effectively so be gentle w/ my son bcos he does want to be better!!!

so i know i wrote a lot ‘n thanks so much for giving me this time to ramble.. now it’s ur turn! like this post so i can hit u up and u can tell me everythign abt ur chara so we can PLOT TO TROT

idk i thought that made sense but apparently not

ok thats all i gotta jet now ily bye

also ... yk... if ur interested in listenin 2 his playlist ;)

[smireyac]

yea boi u already kno what it issssss 🍾🎆🎉🍾🎆🎉

hey so i started writing this at 8 o’ clock so i would be ahead of the game and actually have more than an hour to write but HEY its already 20 after midnight so who the eff care amiright ladies

WOOOOO 🍾🍾🎆 🎉 🎆 🍾 🎉 🎉 🍾 🍾 🍾 🎆🎆 🎆 🎉 🎆 🎉🍾 🎉 🍾🎆 🎉

so.................... its 2019.....................

i watched vox’s “2018 in 5 minutes” video and cried so thats how this year has been :^) a lot of lows......... we always think we leave the shittiest year behind then lo.............. the next year rears its ugly head and we never learn............ despite this, im gonna try to keep a positive outlook on the new year......... its literally just another day and i have to be in at work @ 9 tmrw but its what ever im already super fucking tired whats losing another hour of sleep anywahy?? its practically expected of me any way what with being a youth,,, ANYWAY i spent my time ringing in the new year watching spiderman homecoming so i think that wa sGREAt its also great  that im gonna get to see spiderverse AGAIN tmrw after work so SUCK ON THAT im ringing in the new year RIGHT!! its a very spidey new year and i wouldnt have it any other way heh.....

alright

so its time.... to reflect...........

and actually reflect this time last year was weak sauce compared to the first year “im too unfocused right now happy new year or whatever” *scoffs* what r u too good for self reflecting now a days huhh

been doing a lot of self reflecting this year,,,,,, but today we will look back on how the previous years have gotten me to where i am today...

if 2016 was the year of change and 2017 was the year of getting used to things.............. 2018 felt like............ the year of getting TOO used to things, of not ENOUGH change............. like alright i scratched a few of the bigger things on my yearly “to do” list/resolutions, i. e. finally going back to school and getting a job at the library, but like.......... i definitly dont feel like i did enough........... my art game was SO WEAK and i feel like i wrote less than 10,000 words ALL YEAR (not counting my academic papers) i didnt really CREATE anything this i dont have ANYTHING significant to show for this year............and to get more negative i didnt even make any friends all year NONE FRIENDS im only *just* starting to get more friendly with people at the library thank GOD theyre nice and gave my shy ass a chance to open up but i still dont feel like ill make FRIEND friends theyre just work friends and u kno what thats making me so pissed bc its tricking my dumb ass into thinking i have a crush on someone at work aND that i want a *romantic* relationship with them!!! OUTRAGEOUS im so peeved.......................... i also still havent gotten behind a wheel but at this point im not sure if i will anytime soon bc im That Way..... grrrr im just mad thinking of all the things i didnt do so motherfucker i will make 2019 the year of DOING!!!! and i had so many resolutions last year i feel like the more i had the less i felt like i had to do them, like i was just saying all that to be like “oh wouldnt it be nice if any of these things happened lmao” so yeah 2019: the year of DOING... and since ive kinda sorta figured out that writing is my thang.... i think i wanna focus on doing that.. and anything that will help me do it

SO: #GOALS for 2K19

-WRITE AT LEAST 50.000 WORDS U COWARD, more than just “brainstorming” too bc thats like a cop out, write like stories or dialogue or scenes or scripts or WHATEVER just make it to 50,000 pls some people do that in like a month

-READ UR GOD DAMN BOOKS, u *cant* buy anymore if u dont read the ones u’ve already bought,,,, im willing to make an acception re: checking things out from the library................ but u rlly shouldnt IT WOULD’VE BEEN SO EASY TO WIN THE BET DUDE srsly..... maybe .... an hour b4 bed ? try to read ? at least try to read once a week dude....

-heres a curve ball WATCH MORE MOVIES !!! u say u love film well fuckin act like u do...... u only went to the movie theater 5 times all year and three of those were all in the last month to go see spiderverse, more than that HOW MANY movies are there on netflix that u see and go “oh i should watch that finally” or “people say thats rlly good bro” and u scroll right past to watch the same 3 fuckin movies i s2g

-oh yeah back to the writing thing, to reach that 50,000 goal u should write about what you read and watch, there u’ll prob meet the goal b4 summer if u do that bro but....u actually gotta do it....................

ok those r the 4 im REALLY gonna work on and try to keep track of in either of the journals sien got me :^) these next few i rlly want to happen but..... we’ll see

-make some friends pls.... pls be more friendly......... ENGAGE  people when u have the opportunity askQUESTIONS about them like if they have a dog or a hobbie jesus h christ

-go out..... on ur own..... do stuff............by urself if u have to... go to the movies by urself go to a park, walk around down town for the fuck of it idk DO STUFF

-finish something............ for once in ur miserable life...................................... finish the vlog or the scrapbook..... or the reading list or this set of goals PLEAsE ANYTHING

im not even gonna put draw/art blog related stuff on here bc........ its not what i want........ like i love drawing and i dont think im terrible at it, im at a good place with it but i dont wanna put my energy this year into drawing stuff for the sake of me being able to say “i did it” like...... last yr and the yr b4 i rlly RLLY wanted to get better at art to idk prove that i could?? but like i havent picked up my drawing tablet in months ... that makes me really sad but i dont really feel like picking it up either? ? i said i wanted to take a painting/color theory/ life drawing class maybe i will this yr and it’ll reinvigorate my love of drawing........ tbh spiderverse got me *this close* to being pumped about art and animation and like yeah i still am, i love the medium and its still a dream of mine to be apart of it but it feels like a pipe dream if i try to go thru the art angle........ so many people r better than me at that and its not really what i wanna do,,, i wanna CREATE STORIES and worlds and characters and like i used my art to help *me* develop those but... i dont wanna use my art to do it for someone else i guess............. the art of animation itself still facsinates me so they door isnt close yet but,,, i wanna focus on the other aspect of myself that im more and at the same time LESS confident about lmao WRITING like alright,,, i think im a good writer .... sorta ? like yeah people tell me i am and sometimes when i look back on things ive written im like “dAMN i wrote this ???” but like,,,, there are some things to writing that still. escape me... like poetry.... and a lot of other aspects to it that i cant describe write now bc it would take too long and im getting cold and tired SO YEAH hopefully this english class will help me, even tho its just writting for college essays, i need to start somewhere and if shes rlly as good of a professor as rate my professor says then ill learn smthg new

where was i

well the year wasnt ALL bad, like i said i got the job at the library i wanted and FINALLY got to go to school, stressful as that mightve been........ and i got to see my love, my darling, the light of my life rhys again for one glorious week,, hopefully ill be able to see more of my friends this year? either in miami or milwuakee idc which MAYBE BOTH lmao im not that rich but hey i can dream,,,

alright its 1:12am i think im ready to sign off,,,,,,,,, here’s to DOING in 2019

🥂 cheers

[orcelito]

Vibrating I NEED to get transAction au done or else I will die