#i have another shitpost give me a moment

[im-still-a-robot]

This is why god hates him. No other reason.

[areislol]

men i trust

ft— various male genshin x gn! reader

warning — mutual pining (?), smitten men, fluff, modern! au, mentions of sex (it's a party/club), mentions of drugging/spiking drinks, mentions of a junkie

a/n— they're the men you can trust fr, another shitpost of mine....

wordcount. 1.9k

synopsis. an alternative title, them holding your drink at a party.

In the midst of pulsating music and vibrant laughter and chatter at a lively party, you along with a friend you've bought stood next to one another near a couch, dancing to the beat with just a little effort.

The thumping bass and flickering lights seemed to swirl around them as they engaged in a conversation, after a couple of minutes you turned to him with a soft smile.

"Hey, do you mind holding my cup for a moment? I need to go to the bathroom!" you yelled over the loud music and chatter, pointing at your cup to indicate something to him just incase he didn't hear you.

He gave you a swift nod in response, "sure, take your time," he replied, extending his hands to accept the cup. You left him momentarily, weaving through the vibrant crowd toward the bathroom.

He stood by the couch, holding your cup as he eyed his surrounding, silently judging the swirl of people around him that were fucking on the couches.

the overly cautious/chivalrous pal, the type to grip onto that cup like his life depends on it. he will shoot glares to whoever's way if he needs to he is NOT messing around.

he takes the responsibility seriously and might even accompany you to the bathroom to ensure a safe return but since you insisted on going alone, he (reluctantly) let you go alone.

his palm is covering the top of your cup (don't worry he washed his hands) as he watches the people in his area like a guard dog, he won't even hesitate to threaten and fight whoever asks to take YOUR cup with absolutely NO shame whatsoever.

but his aura and built itself scares off people (which is why nobody disturbed the both of you) so he doesn't really have anything to worry about but even so, it won't hurt to be cautious.

he watches the people like a HAWK, it's scary actually. to see someone already (somewhat) intimating watching their every move, it ruined their vibe. but if ruining the vibe to make sure no creep does anything to him and your drink then so be it, not like them scurrying away will affect him in any way.

he treats your cup like it's precious jewel, so what if you could go get another if he accidentally dropped it? (he didn't, somebody bumped into him CURSE THEM which resulted into him dropping it by how big the impact was) so what if it was just a cup? it's YOUR FIRST cup!!!

oh did i mention how they won't hesitate to threaten and or fight somebody? oh well they would if they have to, not that they WANT to but the thought of a free man roaming around and spiking people's drinks doesn't sit right with him, what if you were a victim? he would never forgive himself if that ever happened.

which is why he always accompanies you to parties/clubs and nearly EVERYTIME you go out. not that you're complaining though

"hey, you there. pass me that cup.. ya know, from a guy to a guy, eh?" a drunkard 'pst'ed at him, eyeing the cup in his hand that he knew was yours. the drunkard really didn't think he couldn't see the shameless stares he was giving at you, did he?

he only glared at the drunkard (who by a coincidence looked like a junkie as well, it really pulled the pieces together), his eyes narrowing at him. he stayed silent, not wanting to even speak to him and answer, he wasn't worthy anyway.

as the drunkard kept on persisting and was inching closer and closer to him he knew enough was enough and would not allow that man to take one step closer to him and your cup (i mean it held your favourite soda so). "take one more step and i swear you will not live to see another day." the man, clearly confused and scared, stopped in his tracks.

"oh you're their boyfriend, uh? .... that shouldn't matter. you know what to do to help a man in need right? no need to threaten me!" the drunkard let out the most disgusting, vile laugh he had ever heard. he was now irritated. "you think i'm joking huh? would you still think i'm joking if i fought you right now?" his tone was sharp and lethal, he was not having any of it.

that man dare would spike your drink and even shamelessly ask him (not your boyfriend sadly) to pass you your cup? abso-fucking-not. before he knew it the drunkard was on the ground, and although drunk and dazed, was pleading for him to not have mercy on him. "p-please! have mercy on me i swear on my life to never do that ever a-again p-please!" it was a funny sight to say the least, to see him cry and beg for mercy. as he should.

"you better swear on that life of yours, if i ever see you in here asking another man to spike someone's drink you bet i'm beating your ass again. and i promise i won't let you live to see the light."

— ALHAITHAM, WRIOTHESLEY, capitano, diluc, WANDERER, pierro, DAINSLEIF

the reliable one, he is never drunk, barely really. even if he did drink he knew how to control it, he makes sure he's sober when being with you!!! he's fierce when protecting your cup and tries to be friendly/passive but if he needs to be, he will be violent, sigh... they were asking for it.

you know your cup is in safe hands. he is trustworthy and reliable when it comes to protecting your things when you ask for it.

he is positive that nothing will happen, for the couple of hours you've been there no trouble has stirred in the club so he was sure that nothing would happen as he patiently waited for you.

he sits up straight on the couch, holding the cup with his hands, his foot tapping on the ground. as he waits he notices from the corner of his eye someone scooching closer to him. at first he wasn't worried although he was a little on edge but you know, nothing much. but when they got too close for comfort he moved to the side, now focusing on the man.

"uhm, if you could please not come so close to me, thank you." he tried to polite, not wanting to anger the man. he looked sober, so he wasn't drunk nor on drugs. "why not, young man? hey whad'ya say..." his gaze drops to the cup in his hands, he immediately clenched the cup, creeped out. "$10 for that cup?"

"... you.... you do realize that this isn't mine right? why do you want the cup anyway?" at this point he wanted to walk away and never see him ever again but he was in too deep now, plus, he needed to wait here for you. the man chuckles and dismisses his question. "you needn't worry young man, take it or leave it."

without any hesitation he immediately refuses his offer. "no." his answer was blunt and cold, he wasn't messing around. the man slowly backed away upon hearing his tone, grumbling about how men these days don't take the bait.

he takes their role as the holder of your drink very seriously. you can trust that he'll keep a keen eye on it until your return.

but.. if by any chance they are drunk and the only person you trust to hold you drink, you still have faith in him of course! but to be honest when they're drunk they're a little bit... too much so it's okay, nobody will dare to come and talk to him.

— TIGHNARI, KAVEH, xiao, ZHONGLI, THOMA, pantalone, kazuha, AYATO, baizhu, albedo, gorou, NEUVILLETTE

the photographer guardian, they're armed with their phone and take a snapshot of your drink, proclaiming themselves the official cup guardian. they protect your drink yet ensure you have a visual record of your drink's momentary protector.

when he sees that your back is towards him he wastes no time in taking out his phone and snapping a picture of the cup before taking a selfie of him holing the cup to his face, just barely covering half of his face. he took many photos to say the least.

he posted it on his instagram story as well, to the poor soul's finger, take it easy on yourself as you vigorously tap on the screen to get rid of all of his stories.

and the captions? my god the captions. "haha guess who's the cup guardian rn?" "?!?!?! i wonder whose cup this is..." "look at me and this cup, wow... i'm like guarding it so hard rn"

what did "guarding it so hard" mean? no idea. obviously he takes his job seriously as well, but why not have a little fun? i mean you trust him of all people to hold your cup, to protect your cup from being tampered with. so yes, of course he will protect it with his life! if anyone was to come too close for comfort and eye your drink suspiciously, even just a little glance at your drink will put him on high alert.

he tries not to ruin his vibe at the club and refrains from arguing with the person but will not hesitate to throw hands if necessary!! he mumbles under his breath about how annoying this woman was, she randomly walked up to him and began to flirt with him in the hopes of inching closer to him and then maybe spike your drink.

trust me, he has a lot of experience with these types of people, people who flirt or make small talk in order to get closer to the person and then spike the drink without them noticing, unfortunately many people fall for their trick.

"ah, no. what are you trying to do? do you take me for someone stupid?" he's clearly offended that this person thought that they could really trick him. "you really think flirting with me will do you any good? spiking drinks are we?" he tsks, glaring at the woman. she scoffs and gets up from the couch and walks away angrily, her plan had failed.

when you come back and see him taking photos of him with your cup he immediately puts his phone away and acts like he did nothing. "huh? photo? pfffffff WHAATTT no never. no." you know he's lying. like c'mon you LITERALLY caught him in the action.

but please ignore all the notifications on your phone where he mentioned (@ed) you in the pictures he took, it was stupid, yes.

— CYNO, CHILDE, dottore, kaeya, LYNEY, heizou

begins to act feral and barks.. i mean it works so... that's all that matters right?

.... honestly, don't even ask me why or how. they saw one tiktok of someone barking at a man to scare them off and it worked so why not try it out? the second the suspicious man begins to make small talk with him (he looked around 40 years old, a junkie? mayhaps) he doesn't pay too much mind, if anything he exchanged a couple of words

but when he senses that something is off he tries to steer away from him, pointing at random things and trying to get the man to focus on another thing but alas, it did not work. he would do everything to keep your cup safe, so even though his way of keeping your drink safe is a bit silly he only means the best.

"WROOF BARK MEOW GRRRR" oh my days the attention he brought to himself when he began to bark? hello? it's so embarrassing but aye, it worked! the man, clearly terrified now began to back away and cursed at him. "you weirdo!" he yelled before running off. he only laughed it off, yes, he had no shame.

— ITTO, VENTI

note: i just woke up and i forgot i needed to write (9 am help)

taglist: @tomansimp @one-offmind @miitchiji @dainsleif-when-playable @momoewn @stygianoir @irethepotato @v4an @imetsk @fiannee @sunnyf4lls if im missing anyone please tell me because i have an inkling feeling i missed a few..

liking + following + reblogs are very much appreciated!!!

another note: not proof read so if you found any spelling/grammar mistakes PLEASE tell me

[rainychaoloveshack]

hiiii i stumbled across ur blog like a couple days ago and. ive been so obsessed with all ur posts theyre so yummy!!! (ESPECIALLY UR BOOM??? ik u mentioned u werent all that familar with him but,,, that one oneshot had me salivating oml)

anyways could i maybe ask for a sonic x reader where they give him a bath bc he's stinky 🤧 just modern/game is fine smile

ﾟ ⋆ ﾟ ☂︎ ⋆ ﾟ 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞. 𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞𝐡𝐨𝐠.

sonic had a nice adventure outside. unfortunately, remnants of said adventure were brought into your home. its bath time.

⋆°•☁︎ content . sonic x gn!reader, fluff, sort of shitpost-esque writing but i still did take it seriously i swear anon

☂︎ wc. 1.1k ☂︎ a/n. hueheh this request had me giggling. silly dirty ass mf 😭😭😭 i was messing around during it huehehe this is your reminder to not take me too seriously sometimes 😋still pretty short but i hope you like it ^^ def not my best work but i hope you like it regardless ^^'

likes, reblogs, and especially comments are extremely appreciated!!! (i like chatting to you guys!)

“You know I can take a simple bath by myself, right?” Sonic growls, watching you kneel down and check the water's temperature for him with your forefinger. Not too hot, not too cold. “Plus, I already took a shower. The dirt’s gone already. No need for a bath, right?” Now why is he acting like that bathtub is going to kill him? 

“Could’ve gotten it all out if you hadn’t pulled me out the shower.” He mutters. “If you had wanted me to take a bath at all, you should’ve said that bef-” You frown, interrupting his rambling by knocking on the side of the bathtub with your fingers in a way that’s telling him to hurry up and get in. You can still smell the mud on him.

And it’s not bad to take precautions. Plus, if the shower didn’t get every single spec of dirt out of his quills, the bath will. Having even one spec of dirt come back inside the house after Sonic’s grand entrance of mud-filled footsteps, and right after you had to clean said mess, might just make you go crazy.

“I already said I was sorry...” He trails off, peering into the tub before taking a step back. You mutter a short curse his way and tug him by his arm, refusing to take no for an answer.

Sonic winces slightly at the volume of the water in the tub but lets out a sigh once he sees your stern expression. “Oh, alright…” He grumbles, spitting out soft curses about his distaste for water as he slips off his gloves, following with his socks right after.

… Paw-beans.

“Hmm?” Sonic’s ear flicks at your small murmuring, turning your way just as he’s about to step into the bath. “You say something?”

You shake your head, trying to make him forget your small slip-up, and urge him into the tub with a small shove. The moment his foot enters the water, you can visibly see a shiver tremble through his body.

“Eugh.” Despite his little complaints, he takes another step in the bubbly water, slowly settling himself into it with unpleasant grumbling, the water reaching up to his chin. “Make it fast. Being submerged in water for too long makes me uneasy…”

Like him? Make it as fast as ‘Sonic speed’, some might say?

His head snaps in your direction, opening his mouth to say something back to your crude teasing, but it closes instantly as you cup water into your hands and pour it over his head, watching it run off his quills and back into the bath.

That shut him up quickly. 

And so it begins.

The water runs down and seeps into his fur, then drips off once it gets too soaked, mixing with the bubbly suds already present. You rub his ear in a slow motion, cupping water up from the bath and pouring it over to get any extra dirt out. So far so surprisingly good; the baths running fairly clear, besides the small bit of dirt or so. Maybe he did get all the dirt out after all? Or maybe it was just his shoes that were the problem? No, then you wouldn’t have seen all those specs of black and brown in his fur. What, did he roll down a hill or-

“Hey, be careful with my quills!” Sonic’s body flinches as you accidentally prod and pull too deeply during your thoughts. “Can’t you be a little more gentle? The bath’s been clear for the past half hour.” He clarifies. “At this point, I’m not sure if you’re still trying to get any dirt out, or if you just like pampering me.”

Oh. Well damn.

Your hand lowers from his head, and it dawns upon you that yes, for once Sonic is actually right about your behavior, and the embarrassment washes over your figure, staggering your motions as you go to unplug the drain, but he stops you with a small kick of his foot at your hand.

“I didn’t say you had to stop.” Sonic mutters, before putting on his best ‘I deserve the world’ act a spoiled child would have towards everyone else. “I’m actually enjoying the attention!” He puffs his chest out, trying to put on a smug face for you, but a splash of water in his face turns that smugness to irritation, shaking his head around like a dog would their body as water flings in every direction possible. You hold your hands up in front of your face, your soaking wet hands dripping onto your lap and the bathroom floor as you shield yourself from the blue blurs little water assault. Ugh. Looks like he’s getting a kick out of your annoyance.

“It’s not so bad.” Sonic says plainly, flexing his fingers in the water in front of him, before adjusting himself to rest his arms on the tub’s edge, resting his head down to let your preen and run your fingers through his quills, forgetting to scrub through them at all. “You know, I wouldn’t mind if you pampered me like this more often.” Sonic reaches over and drags a soggy, wet, finger across your arm, leaving small water droplets on your skin as he moves it up towards your hand, currently resting on your lap as the other one rubs against his shoulder briefly. “Think I deserve it a little, ya’ know?” He shimmies his shoulders a bit, yet his tail wags all the same under the water, eager for your answer, even if you give him a plain ‘no’.

Well, if he could be more aware of himself and clean up after his little escapades, you would. But for now, the punishment bath it is. Though, with the way he was acting at first, someone might’ve thought he was taking a small dunk in acid.

Sonic doesn’t utter a word at your own little joke, but he shakes his head disapprovingly, glaring at you for a few seconds as his eyes flick over you up and down, then he relaxes. “You’re gonna help me dry off after this too, right?” He chirps, and you shake your head, already firm in the belief that you deserve some rest after cleaning up the house. Not to mention the other house chores you’ve already done today.

“Aw man...” Sonic says softly, before growling under his breath in your direction, ears pinning down, obviously in a joking manner, and he flicks some water in your direction off his fingertips, splashing onto your shirt and lap. “You can’t just take me a bath and then chicken out once we’re almost at the finish line! Come on.” Another flick of water comes flying your way, this time hitting you in the face, and you scowl, cupping up some water in your palm to splash it back at him.

“Aw, hey, come on!” His tone of voice makes it sound like a complaint, but his expression is the complete opposite; a fat grin spreads across his muzzle and another small splash of water makes its way to you, soaking your shirt. Oh, so that's how it is?

“What? What’re you gonna do about it?”

Stupid hedgehog. Sometimes it’s a mystery how you haven’t gone crazy by now from all his antics.

… Oh well; time to fetch that towel.

[cosmicstarlatte]

Coffee Shop (Obey Me!)

━━━━━━━━━━ ✦ ━━━━━━━━━━

You start a new job at a coffee shop in a popular plaza. You can't help but look forward to a certain regular. ♡

»Characters: Demon Bros + Dia + Barb

»Tags: Fluff, Bulleted Style, GN Reader, LeviLeviLevi-

»Notes: lol when was the last time I made a bulleted fic that wasn't a shitpost???🤯 Just simple short fluff lol, reblogs are appreciated + motivating ♡

Lucifer:

Always orders a cafe con leche every morning

Keeps interactions short but you learned his name

Always so serious but he does look like a business man

A very very handsome business man cough

After working there for a little bit he admits he likes the way you make his drink & hates when you guys miss each other on days off

One day he comes in normal clothes & you got caught off guard when he made it to the register

"It's my day off but I was craving my usual. I'm glad to see you're here."

Pleaseee you gotta be blushing right now alalfkfldk

You notice the record store bag he's holding & start a fun conversation while its slow

It does get busier & unfortunately have to cut the conversation to both your disappointments

"We can continue this later...maybe over dinner if you're available?"

Mammon:

Usually gets an icy blended drink, the flavor changes frequently

You see him every other day, it looks like he works at a retail store in the plaza

You thought he was cute & funny despite how loud he could be

One day he defends you against a really rude customer

You say your thank yous & give him his drink for free that day

"Yeah I guess I am a hero. Heroes get free drinks all the time though, ya?"

You couldn't help but laugh & accidentally let slip "you're really cute!"

He starts choking on his drink, stuttering & blushing

He goes silent for a moment before asking, "whaddaya say to a date one of these days?"

Levi:

Usually orders sweet drinks & likes trying seasonal/limited time things

You've seen him at his job at the anime store in the plaza, since you visit there sometimes

You two are on friendly terms even though he can be awkward

You think he's very cute though, especially when he talks about his passions

You felt like you two were dancing around eachother so you decide to make a move

You drew a Gundam robot on his drink & wrote 'Gun-DAM you're cute!'

You nervously handed the drink & he took it without noticing the drawing on it

You watched as he left the shop,took another sip, then stop as he looked at his drink

You could see he was happily freaking out but then abruptly stop

He looked back to the shop & you waved a shy hello

He ran back inside to make sure, "S-sorry is this a mistake? W-was this for someone else??"

"Look on the bottom"

He raised the cup & looked under

Levi, AkuCon this weekend?

Satan:

Usually orders a simple cappuccino but will add a flavored syrup occasionally

Comes in often on his breaks

You've seen him working at the bookstore in the plaza

He looks like a simple guy yet very charming

You always notice a book on him & one day you decide to ask what he's reading

You learn you read the same things & start having fun conversations every time he stops by

Eventually he asks you if you'd be able to give your thoughts on his writing

"Sure, I'd be happy to read it if you bring it!"

He gave you a flirty smile

"Actually I was thinking maybe we could hang out...like somewhere that's not here?"

Asmo:

Always orders an iced vanilla oat milk latte

You see him every few days, really friendly customer that loves to chat & you become friends quick even though you want more

You find out he works at a nearby agency & is an up & coming model

You felt a little intimidated, he could be really famous one day!

Nevertheless you treat him just the same even as those around him changed, he lets you know how grateful he is

One day he comes in upset & tells you the agency is moving across town to a bigger location so he won't be able to see you there anymore

At the same time both of you blurt out

"I still wanna see you!"

Beel:

You never know with this guy

He works in the sports store across from the cafe

He's always indecisive with the menu & one day just tells you to make whatever

You're his fave barista, he thinks you make the best drinks either way

Doesn't realize he just likes everything & has a crush on you

You can't help but get excited when he looks excited to see you golden retriever energy

You find out he's a foodie type & you guys talk about the local spots around town

"Would you like to check out the new sandwich store that opened a few doors down? Uh...like, maybe a date?"

Belphie:

Usually orders a hot regular latte but occasionally orders hot chocolate

He appears to be a student as he comes in often to study & always looks tired

One day on your break you decide to chat him up & offer help on the subject he was struggling with

He thought you were cute & was thankful for your help

After a few weeks of tutoring (+some heavy flirting), he passed his exam flawlessly

"Actually can you help me with one other thing?"

"Yeah, what?"

"Would you like to go on a date sometime?"

Diavolo:

Has a new favorite every week but really likes lattes/teas

You can tell he's important with his assistant present

You wonder why the assistant doesnt just get his order though

Anyway hes hot really friendly & chatty & can tell a few good jokes, you appreciate them!

He always seems reluctant to leave the shop which makes your heart flip

Always leaves a big tip! ... I want him to give me a big tip 😔

The two of you find out you have a lot more in common than you thought

One day he admits that these coffee runs are the things he looks forward to the most since his day is usually very busy & doesn't get much else normalcy

He lets slip that it's mainly seeing you that adds to his joy so he goes all in

"If you're interested, care to join me for dinner this weekend?"

Barbatos:

Always large orders of a few different drinks (part of his job)

Though you notice he always orders tea for himself & likes to buy different tea blends

He's a very (cute) polite customer, one of the few

You two usually chat as you make his large order & you can't help but fall for him

Knowing he loves to buy limited release tea blends, you usually save him one before the cafe sells out

You never tell anyone about it but:

"I appreciate you always saving me one."

"Oh? How did you know!?"

"I have a friend who stopped by earlier & said it was one of those times they missed out. Yet, there always appears to be one for me even after sell-out. Thank you kindly."

You blush at being found out, "seems I've been caught!"

He chuckles & gives you another shock:

"I've been meaning to ask...will you allow me to take you out one of these days?"

⬦You might also like: Customer Service︱Devil-Mart ⭐️︱You Are The Father︱MC feeling Insecure

[blerb-f1]

"The Future" - Sebastian Vettel x reader

The news truly shocked me and compelled me to write this.

Lewis Hamilton is a side character in this.

not proofread i dont have the mental capacity rn

This fic also is kinda part of a series, but it can stand on it's own! For more, view my masterlist.

-------

“Have you considered it at least?”

A fragmented voice sounding through a tin-like phone speaker asked with a certain pressure behind it. The kind of pressure you’d only hear from people who wanted something. Something important.

Sebastian eyed the phone hesitantly, placing it on the windowsill while holding his watering can. Little droplets sliding down it’s side as he attempted to water his dried pot of basil - traveling was never something that helped in plantkeeping, not when you’d spend half the year in random hotels somewhere in the world.

He did not feel the need to return to the circus known as Formula 1, having enjoyed his time there but entirely content with retirement. Opposed to some of the others, he thought, he knew when to quit. No longer circling the biggest cities on earth but the supermarket parking lot in hopes of finding an empty spot. More importantly, waking up in his own bed for 7/7 days a week was a major joy to him, a feeling he didn’t feel like giving up.

“You know as well as i do, that we need an  experienced driver. George’s good but… He just can’t give us the direction needed.” Toto sounded quite serious at that moment - Lewis deciding to leave must have hurt him badly, considering him approaching Sebastian.

“Also… I just want someone i can trust to be around me”

Looking up in surprise, Seb almost dropped the watering can on the floor. Lewis leaving had REALLY hurt him.

“I’ve been thinking about retiring from F1 now. But they’d probably cancel F1 Academy without me around. Force Susie into Submission. I don’t want that. Fuck no.”

“Toto, I-” Sebastian started speaking, plucking the dead leaves from his pot of basil. “I like life. I love peaceful mornings.”

Silence. The phone speaker didn’t echo out for a few moments. 

“What would you say, if i told you we had a championship winning car?”

—-----------------------------------------------

“You really agree to it?” Sebastian asked, Surprise lingering on his voice.

“Of course i do, i’ve seen you thirst for racing while you yourself didn’t. I was with you from the beginning till the end of your career, don’t you think i’d be able to read you by now?” Y/N answered him, their eyebrows pulled together in a mild emotion.

“But there’s a catch.”

“Yes?”

“I’ll be your race engineer. Like i’ve always been”

“Huh?” Seb asked again, this time even more surprised than before. Y/N nodded seriously. “I can’t see you race with another Engineer at your side. It feels wrong.”

The man man pondered for a moment, his brain racking. “You’re right. I’ll talk to Toto.”

A week later, Mercedes made an announcement. For the 2025 season, Bono would be moving to the lead Race Engineer position, not being directly responsible for a single racer. The community was confused, unsure of what was happening. Would they be promoting a rookie racer and engineer to grow their youth? Would they be getting a driver and engineer paring from another team?

Twitter and Reddit Artists were working hard, creating shitpost after shitpost, pundits podcast over podcast as the season progressed, trying to figure out who’d be the next racer.

Meanwhile Sebastian and Y/N were busy in their own ways. Practicing their communication again, the driver getting physically fit and in shape again. Moreso than he had been during his time at Aston Martin. This was going to be serious - no more lazing around. Go hard or go home.

Y/N worked with Bono - the man they used to work against- to get used to the Mercedes way of communication. It was very difficult, more strict compared to the free Red Bull. More lenient compared to the crazy Ferrari. More rule governed, compared to Aston Martin. Peter Bonnington was surprised in his own way, understanding why L/N and Vettel were the scary Duo they had been all this time. They had been a team since 2008, their shared time rivaling his and Lewis. Lewis- that was a mental direction he shouldn’t go to. Mercedes would need to win the championship, no time to waste on stupid thoughts.

As the season progressed and Fans grew mad with their speculation, Mercedes made a post on their instagram. It was a Photo of one of the trees outside their HQ, with a little bee fluttering around it. One single Description. “We love nature”.

Fans went wild with speculation, thinking, planning, shitposting. 

Then one day, two weeks away from the season beginning, the news fell. Two announcement posts in a single day. Y/N L/N heading to Mercedes as Race Engineer, Sebastian Vettel as driver. Mercedes returning back to their silver arrows livery.

The community went wild, the thing they’d never expected had happened.

Lewis meanwhile, was downtrodden. He had expected this move to work out differently. Ferrari clearly designated Charles as Driver 1, not adjusting around him like he’d gotten used to. Their bad race engineering got him into trouble many times. Seeing this news almost broke him. They had replaced him with his friend, who didn’t speak a single word of this? Shame on him.

Shortly after, a Video went online on the Mercedes Account. Sebastian and Y/N were seated among the many championships belonging to Mercedes, clad in white teamgear. Their eyes were determined, telling people they hadn’t arrived to play. As Sebastian took of his hat, people noticed the change. His own cold smile had returned, the one that caused people to call him a smiling assassin. His locks short again, like when he’d won his own championships. Y/N had assimilated, they’re hair bleached and dyed into a silvery colour. 

Fans once again were shocked, they truly hadn’t expected Sebastian to return like this. More akin to the way Schumacher returned but apparently that was not the choice Vettel made - he was here to win, not for the participation trophy.

As the season opener in Australia rolled around, many eyes were glued to the screen. Y/N was sitting on a bicycle along with their driver on his own, passing over the track. Taking in texture, dirt and heat. The media approached them back in the pits, shoving microphones in their face. Y/N just grunted, showing the media a literal middle finger before dipping into the Mercedes pitwall. 

This was the same paring as back in 2011, ready to fight. Qualifying went well, dangerously well. It was as if Seb hadn’t left F1. But not the 2022 Version, the 2012 Version. His defense was ruthless, his attacks even more. He utilised all the skills he had honed over years, even the smallest tricks Michael had once explained to him to gain a faster time. As he crossed over the finish line in first position, Martin Brundle screamed out loud. Nobody had expected this, nobody thought he could win a race again. Toto was jumping in the Mercedes Garage, Y/N jumping along and almost throwing the headset down.

Sebastian on the radio was back to his own, singing, cheering and screaming absolute gibberish. Pulling into Parc Fermé, he was surprised at having the camera and microphone pushed into his face. This new way of doing things was very unusual to him. 

“So Sebastian, tell us how you’re feeling.”

“I feel like i belong” was his simple answer, pushing the camera out of his face as he headed to get weighed. He took a short look at the staircase leading up to the podium. It had been a while since he had last set foot onto them. They were almost scary but he knew, he was secure. A hand placed on his shoulder, one that he had felt there for many years. Y/N was there to get the constructors trophy, truely the only appropriate person today.

The clothing wasn’t the same as in the past, but the energy was. People were cheering, even more were booing. Not wanting another Era of Mercedes Dominance. Booing however, did nothing to deter Sebastian or Y/N. After all, they were the original Red Bull Villains. 

Ignoring the rules, they let the champagne down to the team to enjoy. This was their first victory after a few years as well, they deserved it after sacrificing two seasons to get this car made.

Then, a lone camera man captured an almost painfull view. Lewis Hamilton, clad in the strong Ferrari Red standing aside, looking up to the silver team with sadness and longing in his eyes. This hurt him, it truly did. Tears were welling in his eyes as the camera man moved away tactfully, instead capturing the celebrating couple instead.

The season progressed, a grandslam in all eyes. Win after win - not a single Race lost. As the Final in Bahrain rolled around and Sebastian collected his fifth driver’s championship, he knew he had found a new family and home. Y/N and him were celebrating wildly, the basil on the windowsill long forgotten among the glory and the parties, the heat and the energy.

It was that day, that a man entered a plane back to his new home in Italy. Eying the still not fully unpacked furniture, he settled onto a lightly dusted chair. Had leaving Mercedes truly not been the right decision? Lewis looked at a photobook a fan had gotten him. From winning with McLaren, the years with Nico and Valtteri, Mercedes had truly grown into his home and Family. What had made him leave them then? Was it the thirst for glory? Had he not enjoyed the atmosphere anymore? He felt conflicted. People had told him that Ferrari would break him. He didn’t want to believe them, but they were right. The red team had once again done what it did best. Destroy someone. Lewis looked back on Sebastian’s Face, remembering his defeated expression after the years of fighting with the red team. Of getting recognition for Kimi as well. Of standing up against Charles.

Lewis considered his options, putting his own life on the golden scale. Then, he made a decision. Opening instagram, he made a single post. Cuddling Roscoe, the description was simple, something nostalgic almost. “I hereby announce my retirement from Formula 1”

[silentmoths]

A vampires guide to feeding from a hemophobic partner. Ft. Neuvillette

*Pokes head out of the shadows*

Well heya. S'been a while.

What's brought this on? it started as a minor shitpost to @crystalflygeo's musings on vampire Neuv, and her mentionings of hemophobia- you know what it'll be easier to show yall.

So thats it. an elaborate shitpost.

Neuvillete x F! Reader. NSFW. Smut, general vampire goodness, Neuvillete being a fkn routine bitch because lets face it, he is.

Neuvillete could feel it. The…the pull, the desire, the need…the hunger.

The chief justice sighs as he pours over his paperwork. He would have to tell you tonight.

“Be beloved…I am hungry.” He tells you over dinner. Whilst he did not need to eat, He always made sure to prepare and join you for your evening meals…a routine one might say, he simply enjoyed spending time with his love, any spare moments he could get.

“Is that why you made steak for me tonight?” you question, knowing well his penchant for making you more Iron-rich dishes before he himself needed to feed.

Neuvillette nods solemnly, it was for your health after all; he would be remiss if he took and took only for you to become deficient. He doesn’t miss it, the sudden draining of colour from your face, or the increase in your heartbeat.

You were nervous, you always got nervous on feeding nights, and Neuvillette desperately wishes he could give you more time, but his hunger was a fickle thing, sometimes he could go weeks without needing to feed, others it was just a few days, it all hinged on how heavy his workload was. Yet he feels like more warning might be worse, because it would only psyche out his poor darling. Despite your absolute phobia of the very sight of blood, you insisted he feed off of you and you alone, an arrangement he happily complied with.

After all, whose blood better to nourish him than his darling’s?

He was always very organised when it came to this, anything for your comfort after all. After dinner and a bath, you find yourself gently tugged to bed with him, soft, nimble fingers gently massaging over your clammy skin. Sometimes you hated how afraid you were of this process, even though it had happened many many times now, without issue. You trusted Neuvillette. 

You trusted the way he spoke to you, the way he held you so gently in his arms, in the way his lips slowly travel the expanse of your throat. His murmuring compliments and praise as he slips behind you, your back pressing against his chest. Considering what he was, he always felt so…warm and inviting, welcoming, despite your heartbeat pounding in your ears.

He always starts with a kiss. Most vampires prefer the side of the throat…it’s generally seen as an easier extraction point…and yet Neuvillette does not, not after discovering your aversion to blood; he instead chooses the nape, not as easy, and a little longer to extract his fill from, but this way, you never had to see a drop, and he could hold you close. “Are you ready, my darling?” At your nod, he hums, thanking you quietly before sinking his fangs in, using the light scarring from the times he’d done this before as a guide. 

Your blood tastes like the finest ambrosia to him, like the first sips of water after being stranded in the desert for weeks. If he never tasted another person’s blood again in his life, and only had yours, he would die a happy man.

He rumbles softly as you whimper, it stung, of course it did, even he understood that this was not a comfortable process. His arms cross over your chest, lovingly holding you close and steady, his thumbs rubbing gentle circles into your exposed shoulders.

He drinks and comforts until he’s had his full, until he can feel the warmth in his cheeks return. He watches and listens to you, always keeping a constant eye on your condition, he would never ever forgive himself if he overindulged and made you suffer for it. The next part is a rather rigorous and rushed process. His fangs retract and one of his hands quickly reaches for a disinfecting wipe, the moment he pulls his lips away, he presses the wipe over the wound, cleaning it up as he coo’s softly at you.

“You did well, my darling, it’s over now…let me take care of you.” he whispers in your ear, tone thick with love and joy. He feels much better now, and it was his turn to make you feel better.

He cleans and dresses the wound with careful hands, as he cleans you up, he tries his best to clean himself up, any errant droplet of your blood on his lips is licked away. “Rest a moment my sweet, I will be right back.” He whispers to you before vanishing into the bathroom to brush his teeth and rinse his mouth. Not exactly a necessity, but if it helped abate your fears in any way? He’d do it. You’re still a little shaky when he returns, but now that he’s sure that there is nothing, no sign of blood anywhere, you couldn’t see your wound, and he didn’t smell of it, he can finally descend to pull you into his strong, yet gentle arms, so he can pepper kisses along your face and whisper sweet nothings in your ear. 

He’ll ask you what you want as a treat, it could be ice cream, it could be a slice of the sixteen-slice a day cake, he didn’t care how late it was, he would procure it no matter what. Anything for his darling.

 This was, is and always will be, the usual routine.

However, one day, your dear Iudex, has another idea. 

It starts, as all feeding evenings tend to. He cooks you a hearty, iron-rich meal, he warns you. Everything follows the usual, until you’re clean and showered, skin soft and silky from the fancy shower products he always insisted on keeping for you. (He had his own, but he was partial to body products that contained little scents.)

You sit in bed, awaiting your husband, and are taken aback when he walks in totally naked. His slim, yet sculpted physique on full display for you, pale skin unmarred by any scar or scratch, perfect in every way. “N-Neuvie?” you stammer as he crawls along the bed towards you, his gaze…sweet, yet predatory. “I thought-” “Oh my love, make no mistake, I will be feeding tonight…I just thought I’d try something…new to keep your thoughts from straying, hm?” Just what had you gotten yourself into?

Soon enough, you find yourself, face and chest pressed into the pillows your husband absolutely ploughs into you from behind, your cries muffled by the silken sheet, his hands pressing over yours, his fingers tangling between your own. You were trapped, well and truly trapped; you can't even recall the last time he’d destroyed your pussy like this. 

You hear his growl from above you, and you moan for it. It wasn’t often Neuvillette lost control like this, but when he did? It was its own form of ecstasy.

You’re so caught in pleasure, you never once felt the prick of his fangs, the only indicator of a change was the way his hands moved to press your chest into the bed further, holding your top half still whilst he continues to thrust into your sopping cunt like it was the last thing he’d ever do. You orgasm with a scream of his name before falling limp, fuzzy and barely-conscious against the sheets, only able to moan weakly when his hips snap forward, burying his cock as deep into you as it can before he cums, filling you with his hot seed.

That’s when you expect him to bite, when you’re in this soft, gauzy space of post orgasm. Yet he simply quietly tends to you, you feel the usual dressing gently press over the back of your neck and you blink in confusion.

“N-neuvie-” you whimper, his response is to gently take your hand and press a kiss to your knuckles. 

“It’s all over, my love. You did so well, you didn’t even notice.”

“W-wha..?”

You watch as he slowly rolls you over onto your back, giving your aggrieved spine a break after all that bending and arching. He reaches for the pitcher of water by the bedside, pouring you a glass first and helping you take small sips, before he takes a glass for himself, it wasn't quite his teeth-brushing routine, but for once, he didn’t feel it wholly necessary. 

You’re shocked, you really hadn’t felt it, there wasn't any pain.. “So.” He practically purrs as he leans over you to rub his nose against yours “what does my darling beloved want as her reward?” He asks, shifting some of his silky white hair from his face. 

“C-could we…do it like this more often?” you ask, voice barely above a whisper. This was so…out of the ordinary for him, to change up the routine…so you figure you might as well change up the reward.

He tilts his head at you before chuckling, leaning down to press a soft kiss to your lips as his hands move down to your back, massaging at the sore spots and making you groan appreciatively.

“I think that can be arranged.”

Taglist: @stygianoir@meimeimeirin@ainescribe@dustofthedailylife@rjssierjrie@crystalflygeo@asoulsreverie@zomzomb1e@moraxsthrone@mysnowmanandmebaby@inlustris-is-slowly-dying@pvbbyb0y

[dreamtydraw]

We need to talk about the patreon and fan treatment.

I know a lot of people are happy about the patreon cause it means they get new stuff or opportunities if they missed the Kickstarter for Touch starved But as a backer who pledged some good money, endured the full year of shallow / empty reposted content regarding the game and is now told the basic fandom interaction that I should receive is paywalled I’m upset.

Didn’t we all saw the amount of money received upon Kickstarter ? Why isn’t the patreon just an offer that means people gets the Kickstarter monthly update if they couldn’t support before ??? Why is something that should be either directly free or to some tier of the Kickstarter who paid a lot ( not even talking about me, talking about people who paid over 300€ ) is now asked again ? For what reason do they need to set up a patreon if we aren’t even promised an expended demo in the waiting of another year ???

Even if it’s a small new studio the devs aren’t new and have knowelge regarding fandoms and visual novel development. The last legacy social media was praised because of how nice the post were for the comunity ( we’re talking lore and shitpost type of post ).

The patreon was announced 4 days ago and is now said to release in 4 days…. You realize that it means that a no moment the devs were planning on hearing people’s opinion about it ??? They never been this fast for an announcement and it’s concerning money !? Why is there no testing water ? Why is there no reading the comments of upset Kickstarter backers who propose the alternative to have the patreon release the same infos as the Kickstarter infos so it would give a fair chance to everyone ? Where is the sense of comunity here ???

Now reposting directly what I said on my insta stories :

This is me being upset but remember that i’m upset because I like the premise of this game and had a really big interest and love for it, I’m not being a Hater just for hating I am upset as someone who like the game and what I was promised.

Since I already paid and will receive a game key I will play the game once it’s out because I have no doubt it will be good I am nowhere downplaying how well crafted this game will be I’m just saying that the devs are not treating the fans well enough in return for the boost the comunity is giving them.

Now regarding this post, I am Upset and my opinion won’t change unless the dev actively do something about it so there is no need to try defending them. If you leave a comment in their support I will simply not interact as You have the right to have your opinion but mine is currently settled.

Have a good day and thank you for taking the time to read.

[capriclonus]

Hello! I'm Capriclonus (or Cap/Capri, as most people call me). I'm 26, go by she/he/they pronouns, and I'm from England. Engaged to a wonderful lady. Previously life-is-chasefield. I'll mostly reblog BG3 content (particularly Shadowheart and Lae'zel) but I do tend to reblog a lot of shitposts too.

Important tags: ask box, ao3 capriclonus (updates about my works), shadowheart, dark justiciar shadowheart, shadowzel, fic recs, favs, relating to my work (fan art etc).

I'm an on-again-off-again writer who simply follows the whims of the brainrot. It's a noble purpose. I wrote a lot of chasefield back in the day. At the moment, I'm writing BG3. In reality, I'm writing Shadowheart. She is my only blorbo, I am in love with her, and she has me hooked heart and soul.

I have a few ongoing works and two complete ones:

Shadowzel:

Give It Up For DJ Shadowheart! Complete. Modern AU, very explicit and very fluffy. Fuck buddies to lovers dynamic. Lae'zel meets disk jockey Shadowheart at her friend Wyll's club. She's kind of given up on life, and certainly on love, but Shadowheart makes her question just who she is, and what she wants.

No Shadow Without Light. Ongoing. Dark Fantasy Medieval AU, currently M for depictions of violence and body horror, moving to E come a later chapter. Enemies to Lovers. Shadowheart is the damsel in distress, the princess in the castle. She longs to escape the walls she's stuck behind, but she can't ever escape her personal guard [dog] Lae'zel.

For Pluck's Sake. Ongoing. Co-author @dustybones! Modern AU, E for smut. Wine Aunt Shadowheart / Soccer Coach Lae'zel! Jen takes her nephew, Pluck, to soccer practice. She doesn't care for soccer, but soon she finds there is something to like about it: the coach.

Shadowtav:

Just Enough to Hurt. Complete, but being updated with one-shots. Based post-game. Very explicit and a heavy dose of kink. Oath of Vengence Paladin Tav cannot resist the pull to see Dark Justiciar Shadowheart. She knows she should, and a part of her desperately wants to move on: to love and be loved. But she sees the light inside her dark mistress, and she cannot bring herself to leave. Lots of angst and smut. Designed around the idea that, although Shadowheart clearly does love Tav, she can never admit it.

Just Enough to Hurt: Oathbreaker. Ongoing. Explicit for smut, kink, and depictions of violence. Based after chapter 5 of JETH, this fic branches from JETH and asks - what would happen if Tav broke her Oath for DJ Shadowheart in a show of devotion and protection? And how far would each of them go, to prove their love for one another?

i want your love (and your pain). Ongoing, kind of on hiatus right now if I'm honest. Explicit for smut, kink, and depictions of violence. Shadowheart and Dark Urge!Tav desperately want to be better. This is the story of them finding redemption in each others arms. Based during the game to flesh out parts I think could have used a bit more love.

Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day! (I don't know how to close this ok I've not done one before)

[flyingwargle]

suna is in a good mood.

"look at you, beaming like the sun has finally shone in your favor," komori drawls, nudging him in the locker room. "did one of your shitposts finally become viral on twitter?"

"that happened already," washio reminds him from across the bench. "remember that edit he made with miya?"

"you can have more than one shitpost go viral. well?" komori prompts.

suna pulls his t-shirt off for another. "it's nothing. looking forward to going home, that's all."

"i would too, if it weren't for the giant pile of bills that i ignored over the last month. what, is something special happening?"

"no."

"so elusive. come on, tell me!"

"if you look at the calendar," washio says, "i think you'll know."

"why do you also..." komori trails off as he does what he's told, breaking into a grin and giving suna another nudge. "you're so whipped, lover boy."

he shrugs him off, throwing his shorts into his gym bag and pulling on his jeans. with a last survey of his locker and bench, he zips his gym bag and swings it over his shoulder. "i'll see you guys next week."

"looking forward to the onigiri!" komori calls out after him. suna rolls his eyes, but he doesn't suppress his smile.

once a month for a week, osamu travels from hyogo to shizuoka to spend time with him, taking a break from the chaotic day-to-day restaurant work to experiment with new recipes, do administrative work, and generally unwind. although practice takes up most of suna's time, they relish in whatever domesticity they can afford, even if it's small moments like these once a month.

his apartment is half an hour away by train without any transfers, the building itself only a block away from the station. he texts osamu the entire time, who should be at home, unless he went out to buy groceries. another perk of his location is that it’s close to the supermarket, which makes grocery runs or preparing for board game night at his place convenient.

suna gets off at his stop and makes the short walk home. osamu still hasn't replied to him – is he that engrossed in whatever he's doing to not check his phone? oh, well, it'll be interesting to see what he's up to. suna enters his building, takes the elevator up, and unlocks the front door. "i'm back."

silence. not even the kitchen fan is whirring, which is a constant whenever osamu visits. with a raised eyebrow, he kicks his shoes off, treads down the hallway. "'samu?"

a pot simmers on the stove at low heat. the counters are filled with various bowls and pans, stained but otherwise empty. osamu is at the dining table, uncovered bowl of sushi rice left out, smaller dishes of fillings surrounding him. his head is lowered over the surface, cap pulled low. suna reaches over to lift it, realizes that he's asleep.

he has his phone out in an instant. he snaps a few pictures, smiling at his boyfriend's peaceful expression, the faintest snores rumbling at the back of his throat, his chest rising and falling in a languid rhythm. suna clears the rest of the table, moves a chair to sit beside him, and rests his head to face him.

it’s reminiscent of high school. osamu would nap after eating lunch, and suna would sit beside him, shake him awake when class resumes. once, though, he mirrored him, admired the way his eyes were curved, lips slightly parted, hair falling lightly over his eyes. he had brushed it away, noticed his natural dark hair color beneath the dyed gray, the messy bangs that sweep toward the right to distinguish him from his twin.

now, years later, his hair has returned to his natural color. there are darker shadows beneath his eyes, bangs still messy. suna reaches forward to brush them away. in the past, his touch never lingered; now, his fingers remain threaded through his hair, giving him a full view of his boyfriend’s face. affection floods him, and he leans forward to plant a kiss on his forehead. as he pulls away, osamu begins to stir, and a bleary eye opens at him. “rin?” he slurs.

“hey. didn’t mean to wake ya.”

osamu opens the other eye, slowly moving upright, wincing as he stretches his arms over his head. he looks around, blinks at the pot on the stove, the dishes left over the counters, then at him. “how long was i out for?”

“you were already asleep by the time i came home.”

“oh.” he blinks, realization sinking in a moment later. “oh.”

“you said that already.”

“welcome home.”

suna blinks, caught by surprise. he smiles. “thanks. happy to be home.”

they stand and survey the kitchen. “i was workin’ on a stew for dinner and new fillings for onigiri,” osamu says, gesturing at the dirty dishes, “but i guess i fell asleep while waitin’. hope it’s still salvageable.”

“you can save any food disaster.” suna takes his jacket off and heads for the sink. “i’ll clean, and you do whatever you were doing?”

“what did i do to bag a man who washes dishes?”

“you make me dinner.”

osamu chuckles. “ain’t that the fairest trade ya ever heard of?”

the stew is, fortunately, salvageable, and the dishes are washed and stacked on the dish rack. they sit across from each other, chatting about their days, then make onigiri to eat later. curled on the couch, they watch cooking videos for recipes that osamu wants to try to make. the night ends with a late snack, sleep descending on them in their shared bed, limbs tangled together, blanket thrown over their heads.

it’s a simple life, but it’s a life that suna is more than happy to have.

[etherealbiocide]

STUCK ... STUCK? PIECES 🎆✨️⚙️❤️💚💙🖤

Some digital pieces I've done for the MSPFA story 'Stuck...Stuck?', made by me, @digitalminstrel  , @seeingstarzz and @henryscircus ! :)

The first piece is OVERTHINKING, a piece done with pixel brushes starring God tiered Wren and regular Kipp, inspired by the lyrics from Overthinking - Mabel.

The second piece is SBURBICIDE, another pixel brush piece that was honestly meant to be a shitpost since it was inspired by the "come with us to equestria" image 😭 but it looked cool and was plot accurate so I decided to finalise it! :) it stars Stan and Adam.

The third piece is ANTICHRIST, which is just a cool bust of Adam tbh and doesn't have any lore worth noting at all.

If you're interested in Homestuck/Sburb fan comics, then feel free to give Stuck...Stuck? A read! :) it isn't super long at the moment, but it can be read here! ---> https://mspfa.com/?s=57315&p=1

[Reblogs are appreciated!] [PLEASE DO NOT USE MY ART AS YOUR PFP WITHOUT PERMISSION.]

[honeekyuu]

honee starter pack

phd student; 26; she/her

painfully, dreadfully, atrociously busy irl (i live in a constant state of stress and ive never known peace a day in my life!! :D)

if im not here, im probably trapped in the lab or crying in one of my advisors' offices; ill be back eventually

my advisors are the two most feared people in the dept and they are also the sweetest, most cutthroat, most wonderful, most unfiltered, most supportive people ive ever met. even begging for my life on the chopping block with both of them holding the guillotine, i wouldnt change advisors for the world <3

in another life i was a shark biologist

somehow i ended up a linguist in this one -- my research involves morphosyntax and the acquisition of korean by english/spanish bilinguals (yes this is self-indulgent because this is literally just my language profile lmao)

please talk to me ab this, i dont scrap in the back alley with my hyper-bully korean dad advisor every week just to not nerd out about it whenever i can (he is both my biggest opp and my greatest mentor im so serious)

some favorite advisor quotes include "youre REALLY wearing overalls rn?" and "i will answer your question, but only if you promise not to get confused. because you LOVE to get confused."

i have hundreds of these if you wanna hear ab me getting roasted in real time.

about honeekyuu the blog

i dont update consistently (see: real time roasting described above), but i will update as much as i can

updates will be especially inconsistent during the school year, because i (1) am taking classes, (2) teach, (3) am a lab assistant, (4) am an RA for my advisor, and (5) have a dissertation to write

as a rule, i post and write whatever drives me the most insane at the moment, so if i hyper-fixate on something, it's because im one brain cell away from a grippy sock vacation. just let me be insane for a minute okay

i talk and shitpost quite a lot, so block #honee yaps if you dont wanna hear it lmao

block #honee yaps linguistics edition if you REALLY dont wanna hear it, because if someone brings up ling to me i will NOT stfu im literally wired to not stfu ab ling

i also post about spoilers because i have no self control, so block #spoilers if youre not into it

block #self ship friday if you dont wanna see me be delusional on main

i write for more than just haikyuu!! so if i go a long time without posting, check ao3 because the chances of me being deep in the stardew valley brainrot is high

this is an nsfw blog, so for the love of god please minors do not interact or follow me

dont be an asshole, not even a passive aggressive, faux-nice one. i try my best to be kind and give the benefit of the doubt, but i am also a leo and the oldest latina/black biracial daughter of four, so do with all of that what you will

i am a suna rintarou girl until the day i die, but i can and will make exceptions for the rest of miya4, bokuto, hinata, akaashi, iwa, mattsun, makki, aone, tsukishima, and kageyama

[lostuntothisworld]

Yet another Spaghetti theory

Since people liked my last shitpost about masks and secret identities being an allegory for being queer, here's another one for you:

It's been a running theory in the fandom that the Sentikids are an allegory for abuse, and while I don't disagree, I think authorial intentions are being muddied by salters, sugars, and those in between. This isn't the run of the mill emotional, mental, and physical abuse.

It's an allegory for the abuse that intersex people go through on a daily basis. Let me explain:

For those of you who don't know, intersex rights and protections are few and far in between in France, and most places in the world. Babies are operated on often without knowledge of their parents, and of course, newborns can't consent to such operations that change their anatomy to fit society's standards. They have very little autonomy over their bodies, especially as minors, and are often put in metaphorical boxes by their parents and society as a whole, and forced to conform, frequently with nonconsensual medical intervention. That's not even touching how they are often perceived as monsters by society as a whole.

Let's take Adrien for example: His childhood dream was to be whatever his parents wanted him to be. And Gabriel seems to know this, and is quite literally pulling his puppet strings. Gabriel's love is conditional, manipulative, and controlling.

Gabriel: Adrien, I'm your father. I know what's best for you better than you do.

Kagami is no less imprisoned even though she has her amok. Her mother gives her only conditional love so long as she fits her traditions, and restrictive ideals. Kagami was shoved in a box from the moment of her very creation.

Tomoe: What do you see here, Kagami? It is our family crest, and that crest dictates your behavior – a duty. If you're not your own master, then you're already your own slave. How can you ever be a part of the masters if you're a slave to your own emotions? Do we understand each other, Kagami?

Then of course we have the most egregious example of abuse through Felix. It is up to debate whether or not he is free even though he has his amok, and the Peacock Miraculous. In my opinion he is doing his best to free the other sentikids, but is held back by his own baggage (see episodes Felix, Gabriel Agreste, Emotion, and Pretension).

Félix: [Colt] started to see his child as a monster. And soon, his fear tarried into hate. Kagami: (as Colt) Monster! Monster! Monster! Félix: The miraculous child did not understand. (takes off his mask for sincerity) Why didn't his father love him? ... Félix: And if he became fond of anyone who displeased his father... Kagami: (as Colt) No! (The bunny plushie's arm is seen ripped away from the plush itself.) Félix: ...an order from his father was enough to trouble his feelings.

In conclusion, the Sentikids are going to have to figure out a way to sever themselves from their Amoks (their parents' expectations that they were moulded to be), and also possibly also the Peacock Miraculous (How society deems them as less than human). Only then can they truly be free.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[richierambles]

More to the plural cartman batshit theory because I'm still thinking about it

I know it's not normal to have my brain so consumed by something that started as a fucking shitpost but pls bear with me

Disclaimer this is still a batshit theory and not rly that serious even tho I'm lowkey obsessing with it lmao

The Cartman System (i need to give them a name 💀): Alters List

Hitler: LMAO WAYS TO START IG- but listen up. It's one of the most obvious alters ever. Like, if they're a system, I'm 100% sure they have a Hitler factive. Probably he gets front triggered when he's gotta act more commanding and stuff - like in The Passion episode (extremely obvious), or when they "become a ginger". He also hates Kyle more than anyone in their system, for obvious reasons 💀 (I don't support antisemitism in any way!!)

Hosts: yes, I mean hosts, in plural. I feel like in the first few seasons they only had 1 host, but he was also slowly splitting, until in Kenny Dies he finally split in 2 to cope with it. One of the hosts (calling him A) is more emotional, kinda like a normal(ish?) 8-9yo, meanwhile the other one (B) is the manipulative asshole we know Cartman as. Moments in which I think A fronted would be when Kenny was in the hospital, saying he was his best friend and crying on Kyle's shoulder - B most likely had 0 control over it. Also, I'd like to believe A did want to use the fetuses to save Kenny, but seeing he was too late, B switched in to not be seen as emotionally weak. Usually they're both fronting together, but B definitely has much more control than A most of the time.

Jenniffer Lopez: another alter whose existence I'm pretty sure about. One of the first times she fronted was in s7 e5, and it started by her cofronting with both A and B (mainly B). But eventually B left front, leaving A alone with her. A is kinda a wreck so he was sincere when asking their friends for help, but as the end of the episode arrived, B fronted again triggering A and Jenniffer out, and acted like it all was an act and not serious. Jenniffer is also the one who wears drag confidently af- such as in the Make Bullying Kill Itself song.

Little(s): I'm 99% sure cartman's system has at least 1 little, if not more. I feel like one of the times in which we see them front is in Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut, when Cartman's doing a tea party with his stuffed animals. They're also the ones who play most with said stuffies - when most of the others are playing, they're actually communicating with each other in a more socially acceptable way (because cmon it's more normal to talk to your stuffies out loud than to yourself, mainly if you're 8-9yo)

By the way, I'm still by the beginning s10 so this will be improved as I watch more episodes :)

[best-type-moon-couple]

The Winner of the “Best Type-Moon Couple” Tournament is…

Gilgamesh and Enkidu (52% of the Vote)

[Congratulations for the Runner-ups, Mr. Sakamoto Ryouma and Mrs. Sakamoto Oryou, who came close with 48% of the Vote]

Thank you so much to the 502 people who voted in the final poll, as well as everyone else who participated/nominated/followed this tournament. I appreciate every single one of you and hope to see you next time I do something like this again. Until then, thanks for voting, see you whenever there’s a next time!

Letter from the Mod (Under the Cut):

Introduction:

So… uh… been a while since we talked like this, completely nervous, unprepared tournament mod to the hundreds of thousands of potential listeners and followers of the poll. Well, now that it’s over, I want to introduce myself.

Hi, you can call me Snow. I’ve been a Type-Moon fan for about a year now. I got into this series when my cousin introduced me to “Fate” and from there I started to grow on this series at an… large… unnormal… potentially problematic and unhealthy way.

“Where’d the inspiration come from?”:

When I got into Fate, the one thing that reached out to me were the characters themselves and their relationship with one another, and the more I looked into the nasuverse, the more characters that I found that I feel in love with, the more I started to hate, the more I started to have convoluted and mixed feelings towards, but the one thing I loved about most was how characters interacted with each other and how well, or unwell, they get along and nothing else can show my love and appreciation for character dynamics than the couples of Type-Moon.

The couples of Type-Moon range anywhere from being weird to comical to sad to disgusting to wholesome and even genuinely life changing, with the characters themselves having dynamic that either showed how much they pine for love, how love broke them, how love managed to fix them, or by simply how wholesome they are. When Samurai Remnant released and featured a character who loves their spouse very much that they make it their main focus in game, juxtaposed by their spouse still showing their love and devotion for them, it was the thing that eventually caused me to make this tournament in the first place (they weren’t in the tournament though, but it’s the thought that counts).

Running the Tournament:

I was completely sure that I wanted to run this tournament, but the main caveat was the fact that I never ran a tournament like this before and it became very clear, very quickly that I had no idea what I was doing (the potentially weird rules for the tournament and the delayed start times were a big red flag of this, so I’m glad we had so many people stuck around despite that).

Still, I wanted to do my best for this tournament, so I created everything myself (with my sister helping to find a tournament bracket website). And when I mean everything I mean I edited together the main banner of the blog and edited together most of the couple portraits (I got lazy and used official art for some of them, guess which ones)

What’s next?:

Honestly, I want to do another tournament sometime. Obviously not immediately since I also want time off, but I’d also want to do something else and see more people come together to vote on something we all may or may not enjoy. And while I have no ideas at the moment (if you want to give any ideas then feel free to share then through the askbox or through the submission box) but maybe this blog will go through a renovation when I figured something out, hm?

Want to see what I do?:

Well, in case you wanna follow me specifically, then you can follow my personal blog (@player-blandon) for more of my personal things or things I post about games I like sometimes. I don’t post there consistently, and when I do it’s probably, mostly, shitposts unless I’m live-blogging a game I’m playing through or (in the most recent post’s case) doodled something I wanted to share. It’s the place where I share things sometimes and hopefully it’s a place where I can talk to all of you about some stuff as well (chances are I’m going to be posting more fate and type-moon things after this tournament).

Closing Thoughts:

Honestly, this tournament was a bigger undertaking than what I originally thought, but I’m glad I did this. I consider it a learning experience.

Thank you all once again for participating in this tournament. Congratulations to the King of Heroes and his only friend for winning and good job Ryouma and Oryou for putting on a good fight. We all put in a lot in this tournament and I hope to see you all again when I do something like this again…

…until then, I’ll see you whenever I can. Goodbye everyone. See you later!

[theeminentlyimpractical]

ALRIGHT I HAVE SOME CROWLEY THOUGHTS that are LONG and UNHINGED buckle up kids //// MILD SPOILERS(?)

Essentially - knowing Crowley's angelic rank recontextualizes a lot of the first season. Hat tip to @moonyinpisces for inspiring this madness with their Pre-Fall Thoughts.

BLUF/shitpost TL;DR:

God machinated the not-pocalypse, including manipulating both our idiot angels (this is canon, fight me)

Crowley Fell out of necessity in The Plan, knows that as a higher ranking Angel and both resents God and still believes in Her Plan

When foiling the Antichrist initially fails, my man has a crisis of Faith, thinks God has abandoned him yet AGAIN, and is like WELP FREE WILL IS ON THE TABLE NOW BABYYYYY 

LET’S RUN AWAY ANGEL NO ONE IS WATCHING THIS IS MY ACTUAL SELF HELLO NICE TO MEET YOU

Aziraphale, having been a heavenly plebe*, still believes in the hierarchy of Heaven and blah blah blah

Crowley, still a Believer at heart, makes one last plea to the Almighty OR HE WILL RUN AWAY SO HELP HERSELF

My Guy is successfully manipulated by God into staying and also rescuing Book Girl’s Book

Great Plan fails successfully 

Oh. OH.

They survive thanks to another divine intervention.

Crowley muses on the ACTUAL Big One, which like, my dude, how do you KNOW?  👀

Aziraphale is entirely unaware of this whole process and is fully on team Free Will and is all “our bookshop” this and “our car” that; meanwhile

Crowley is now a full time existentialist and part time Sad Keanu because if his entire existence is predetermined, why do anything, including love?

*this also makes it super fucking funny that Aziraphale insists on standards. Crowley is quiet luxury. Aziraphale is nouveau riche.

ACTUAL META WITH CANON CITATIONS (yes the above is the short version):

I’ve always assumed that Crowley falling was part of The Ineffable Plan, similar to how it was necessary for Aziraphale to give away his sword. God accepts Aziraphale’s babbling excuses, and 6,000 years later the sword shows up in the hands of War. When he returns to Heaven, he is reprimanded only for losing his body - the sword has ineffably disappeared from Heaven’s requisition roles. He HAD give it away in order for it - and him - to play their respective parts in The Great Plan.

And that was thwarted only by Aziraphale and Crowley collaborating for the good of humanity, and (selfishly) for themselves, rather than angels and demons. For it to work, there needed to be an agent of the Ineffable Plan on each side.

We now know Crowley was fairly high ranking in heaven. Would he have had insight on the Plan, or some part of it? Or merely assumed, truly believed, as he still seems to, that they would all play a part? We also know he is somehow wrong about how the hierarchy of Heaven works - what if his error was in assuming his role in the Plan meant maintaining his status as an Angel? [EDIT GIVEN NEW INFO: seems plausible he went to God and asked for a stay of execution on the Earth, and he got it, whether knowingly or not.] And instead God sends him away to fulfill his role in Hell, when that comes to pass. It could be why he’s not too concerned with the day to day of demoning - it will all work out as intended, in the End.

Does he know, suspect, or just truly still believe that they were meant to thwart the Apocalypse, which is why he is so confident in their cockamamie scheme? And when that apparently fails, he feels betrayed by God again, because the Plan he felt entrusted with seems to have been scrapped. He rages: 

“For the record, great pustulant mangled bollocks to the Great Blasted Plan!”

That may be why he’s so ready to run off with Aziraphale in that moment. If the Plan is off, then he can finally make his own choices, and he chooses Aziraphale and freedom. Aziraphale doesn’t choose him back, and Crowley moves to run away anyway, with one final plea to God to not let this come to pass, a Psalm 22 of his own.

Crowley is the only demon we see who still seems distraught over his Fall, rather than out for vengeance. He resents God for damning him, but often seems to believe in Her ineffable game.  He still addresses his final pleas directly to the Almighty -

“God, you listening? Okay, I know you’re testing them, you said you were going to be testing them. You shouldn’t test them to destruction. Not to the end of the world.”

Only he never leaves, because of a fire started by a gust of wind and the sheet music for Her favorite musical. 

And then they do thwart it, and survive, thanks to Agnes’ note fluttering inexplicably right into Aziraphale’s hand. So many little details demonstrate divine intervention. 

So now what’s the Plan? Crowley was ready to run away when the Plan was off, but now? He muses on the nature of The Big One before they dine at the Ritz. He says it lightly, but how does he have this insight?

What, exactly, is their role in the Second Coming? Because, it appears, they do have one.

Aziraphale seems blissfully unaware of the divine intervention in successfully averting the Apocalypse. He is now All In on Their Side, finally feeling free. Crowley, on the other hand, seems painfully aware. My man had the full free will he finally grasped in that bandstand burned away in a bookshop fire. 

Do I think he necessarily knows their exact role in this? No. And they still have free will in the small things, naturally. But I wonder if we will see Crowley resigned to his (and Aziraphale’s) fate being predetermined, a foregone conclusion. So why do anything, including love, if in the end, nothing really matters. 

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 16/05/2024

Kass' Theme

Season 4 Episode 1 Featured on: SECOND WIND ~ SiIvaGunner: King for Another Day Tournament Original Soundtrack VOL. 2

Ripped by wolfman1405 feat. Buta Big Band

Requested by sabybeal! (Request Form)

Now, Wolfman1405 is certainly not a new name to be featured here on this blog. Be it with Sunday Morning, Theme of HoBART, and most recently Haltmanna feat. Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20, I've spilled many words on just how excellent of a contributor the guy is, how distinct his jazzy sound, sultry voice, and love for music truly is amidst the channel's sea of contributors. Yet through all of those posts and more, I'm somehow yet to write a post about Wolfman1405's most distinct trait - the rips involving his own full-on Jazz ensemble, the Buta Big Band. With Kass' Theme, it felt as if the group was finally able to show their full potential on the big stage - a no-nonsense, non-shitpost cover of a beautiful piece of Nintendo music.

I briefly mentioned back on Sunday Morning that contestants like Adam Levine never really felt destined for the big leagues - the idea that some contestants just *felt* like they wouldn't be able to make it to the top. The contestants of this rip, Nintendo Power, felt pretty similar to me - as good as their setlist was, it wasn't all too different from the type of music SiIvaGunner usually uploads, that being primarily Nintendo-focused. But their presence did of course feel very welcome althesame - it gave the team ample room to show just how far they could PUSH that Nintendo-centric focus the channel already had with genuine all-cylinders effort put in. That was, as I've ruminated on many times, a huge part of what made KFAD so incredible: it was, to put it in the corniest way possible, SiIvaGunner's Avengers moment, of so many rippers from the channel's history coming together to give it their absolute all for this one event. Frequent rippers, infrequent rippers, old legends like Triple-Q and guest contributors like GaMetal on Ink That or DM DOKURO on September. And in the middle of all this sat Wolfman1405 - contributing a half dozen rips to the event, with Kass' Theme in particular showing perhaps the full power he possesses.

It helps, of course, that Kass' Theme is one we all have collectively swooned for since the release of Breath of the Wild in 2017. Hell, later in that very same year, during Season 2, SiIvaGunner themselves contributed a full-on Fusion Collab in the titular Kass' Theme Fusion Collab - a listen that, fittingly enough, begins with Wolfman1405's very own piano playing. Kass' Theme, two years later, then truly feels like a full circle moment, and above all else like a huge flex from the part of the Buta Big Band. It's Kass' Theme, sure, but filled with personality around every corner, evident from the word go as the ensemble leads into the titular song with a snippet from the main The Legend of Zelda theme completely seamlessly, borderline mandela-effecting me into believing that it had always been a remix of said theme all along. Kass' Theme isn't a very long piece of music, but the rip journeys through so many different takes and rhythms to the tune in its runtime - a trumpet-lead at one section, the full band in another, a section broken up by drum beats, and what I believe to be a trombone solo halfway through it all. As a former trombone player (Mel fun fact of the day!) I can't help but admire it, both on principle alone but also for just how well it manages to fit this new take on the song.

There's layers to dissect at every turn with Kass' Theme, and even as it turns almost entirely into freestyle toward the arrangement's end, it never loses the soul of what it's adapting - and, of course, never stops sounding fantastic. It's that sheer quality that makes Wolfman1405's rips stand as tall as they do, that touch for finesse born from such a good understanding of music - and, perhaps most obviously ad most importantly, a love of the SiIvaGunner channel. It all reminds me of rips like Because I Love You - there's no bit, no punchline, no irony, naught but the love of genuinely good music, to be expressed as earnestly as possible with an audience of fans who are damn near bound to accept that sincerity with open arms. Kass' Theme is an absolute slam dunk for the Buta Big Band, and one of the MANY reasons I love Wolfman1405's contributions to SiIvaGunner - and hey, if you're interested in his work outside of the channel, may I recommend his two independantly-produced singles, Distance and Atlanta?