#i have my subscription and yet i still have to pay extra for most things so no thank you

[felizusnavidad]

why is nothing ever available in this shitty country?

[tetrakys]

Hey Tetra, so how is the beta? What do you think of the game so far?

Sorry anon, I know I've been silent here, every time I think I want to make a post I never have enough time to make it as detailed as I used to, but never mind I'm going to give my quick opinion and then write something more in depth later.

So, first of all, I agree with everyone that the way the AP system is at the moment is too expensive. We pay 2AP for line of dialogue and many APs for choices. We get more free APs than in the past with the daily login, so that's a plus, but the choices are way too costly, especially the very basic ones (here called neutral choices), I shouldn't have to spend 40 APs to say I want a cup of tea! All that being said, I'm not too worried about it because I know that Chino has already reported this issue to management, and while these decisions are not up to her I know she sees the player's perspective and will do everything she can to make our voices heard.

Now, AP system aside, there are some things I really love!

Firstly, the website looks amazing, in the end it was worth the wait. It works super smoothly, and it's very pretty to look at.

And the closet/shop part is really easy to navigate, it's pretty much like the Sims so I'm used to it.

Also, the millennial in me who can't afford to buy her own home is really into the room decoration feature

I also enjoy the minigames. One is just like the explorations in Eldarya, but with no pet to feed, so it's a win to me. The other is outfit contests, we receive a theme and we can dress up our Candy and enrol in it. I am TERRIBLE at it, but even if you don't make it top3 you still win some APs and diamonds just for participating. You can also win stuff just by voting in the contest.

Now, to the story. The first episode was mostly an introduction so nothing much really happens, we just meet 4 of the LIs. It was cute, the mechanic is a bit tricky because we can't see immediately if the LoM increases or not, we find out at the end of the episode, but it's not nearly as bad as in ML, so I can deal with it. It's also possible to understand if the LI liked the interaction from their reactions. I think I'm starting to understand their personalities so I hope I'll get the hang of it when the game releases. I'm going to make a separate post about my impressions on the LIs, but I'm quite happy so far.

Something else I want to mention before ending this is a final pro and cons.

Cons, I don't like the "fairy". It's MC's godfather which is a cool character, apparently he is Agatha's cousin, that's nice. But he only brings gifts to Taki which I really don't care about, my duck will remain naked as nature intended. Or, anyway, I won't spend APs on it. I'm gonna try hard to avoid this guy, also because we have a choice to make with him and we can't skip it once we run into him.

The pro is instead the VIP system. From what I've seen, it looks very convenient. We get extra APs and diamonds every day, especially the diamonds it's a really good amount, which we can then exchange for more APs or cumulate to buy extra scenes (which are longer scenes with the LI). We also get some extra perks like an outfit, skip button for the replays, and extra jokers, which are little useful features that can be used in game. We don't know yet how much the VIP subscription costs, but if they stuck to the same prices as other game companies, it shouldn't be more than 10-15$.

And you anon, did you play the beta? Let me guys know what you think. People seem to be happy about most things except the AP system.

[samwiselastname]

Samwise Lastname Life Update (Negative)

I moaned and groaned in that selfie a bit already but like. I have many people who have offered to help me with many things. Truly thankful.

At the same time I've always been The Person with the stable job and full time wage, like, pretty much since I finished DBT halfway through college that's been my defining character trait. Even before then, it was "person who is a prime target for financial exploitation."

My current situation is a shared living space where I am covering about 4/5s of our expenses, by virtue of being able to mask my disability well enough to work full time. We are still coming up $400 short a month. I've just gotten assurance that should change, a housemate is seeking work, but. It hasn't changed yet, and even once it does, I will not feel secure until we have an emergency fund for housing, and I won't feel safe keeping any personal savings until that's settled. Which is a couple years out at this rate - even farther with some necessary home repairs, which will push our deficit even higher.

We only get takeout once a month at most, our expenses have been essential housewares and home improvement items - pest control, plumbing maintenance tools, repair supplies. A few hundred of that deficit is just repeat homeowner shit. We planted a garden this year which was an expense but, not exorbitant. I don't know how to cut down more without like. Eating less? Historically that approach has turned into dangerous weight loss & migraines pretty quick. As it is we're only spending about $100 more a month than the FDA's recommended frugal grocery plan.

I can stop buying alcohol & weed and save... about $10 a month. I could cancel some of my subscriptions and save $20-50. Anything I can cut back on at this point is not financially worth the detriment to my well-being, especially when things like "watching youtube on the TV" and "playing FFXIV" are like. Some of my only safe and passive low-pressure recreational activities.

Don't really know what to do about this other than keep grinding. I'm making myself sick. Tacking on any extra work - hobby creative pursuits that might one day turn into commercial creative pursuits, any amount of job hunting, even a shot at adult content creation - feels unbearable.

I am trying to stop "working overtime" because even the 40 hours fucks with my ability to do anything else. I tried to work around this by job searching and side hustling. Now all my hobbies feel like jobs and every day I'm not working on income feels like self-sabotage. It's stupid - I can get better compensation at my current job picking extra hours. At least when I do that I don't go into a neurotic spiral and stop sleeping. As much. It's at least effective.

So I have this limbo - working over 40 hours physically destroys me, and it's the only way to tip the scales at all right now. I know one can often get a pay raise by finding a new job but - yall the market sucks. I'm trying. I need full time remote WFH and good god is it bad out there. Plus my current insurance rn is killer - I have a 3k out of pocket max. My medical costs would outweigh the raise at any job I've successfully applied for thus far, because my current employer affords me this bizarrely fantastic health insurance with HSA deposits.

Just feel hopeless. If I've gone dark on you that's why. We have four months to get this shit fixed before we're totally fucked and I'm doing everything I can to buy us time.

[topperscumslut]

‼️PLEASE READ‼️

if i gave y’all the option to start a subscription for my account that you pay for a. would you guys do it and b. what would you want it to be for?

of course i would still post normally on here for everyone to see like i do now, but money has been really tight lately and I’d really like to make some money on here if i can. i’m already a broke college student as i am, and on top of that i just lost my house and my job in the span of a week, as well as my grandpa being essentially on his death bed which has taken a huge toll on not only my mental health but my bank account due to gas to visit him in the hospital. don’t worry tho, i do have a place to live but i did lose my home of 6 years. it’s not like i lost my house because i lost my job and couldn’t pay rent, in fact it’s pretty much the other way around cuz the stress of losing my house contributed to me being tardy and absent at work and getting fired. my landlords abusive grandparents that my mom and i rented from decided to sell our house with three days notice. that was the house i primarily lived at cuz it was closest to my work, school, and my friends and also just the house that felt most like “home” but i had stayed at my stepdad’s house and my dad’s house occasionally as well, but not often, cuz my dad’s house was like 15-20 minutes away and my stepdad’s was about an hour away and i would often get off work late at night as well as the fact that gas is fucking expensive. now i only have my dad’s house and my stepdad’s house to go, which are more than an hour away from each other, and i’ve been going back and forth often. i used an entire tank of gas today alone. on top of that i’m now essentially out of money and have no source of income. my parents still pay for my necessities like food and utilities, and my mom has thankfully been paying for gas for the brief time being until i can get back on my feet, so i can still survive, but she’s running low on money too and it’s like my gas is disappearing as soon as a i get it. TW! on top of that i’ve also been to the hospital for my depression and suicidal thoughts and i just found out my paternal grandpa my only sane grandparent only has a couple days left. it has not been a fun time.

but on a lighter note, what sort of content would you like to see from me if i do make paid subscriptions available? i’ve had a couple ideas, i am a reality shifter so i’ve considered telling shifting stories and stuff like that there but there’s just one problem - i haven’t shifted (yet). i’ve also considered putting priority on subscription holders when it comes to requests and maybe even taking same-day requests because i don’t do very well about getting requests done in a timely manner and especially lately, but i’m not sure if i can handle putting that sort of pressure on myself either. but if you guys have any ideas, please let me know! I’ve been thinking about setting up subscriptions for a while to make money off my work, even when it was just extra money i didn’t really need, but right now i need it more than ever and your support would mean everything to me. if you’re new to my page, i write for many different fandoms including Outer Banks, The Umbrella Academy, Stranger Things, The Hunger Games, and Nicky, Ricky, Dicky, and Dawn (random assortment, i know lol). i mainly write smuts with some fluffs but so far my works have all been character x reader, but i would be open to writing other types of fanfic too.

anyway, thank you guys so fucking much if you’ve read all the way down to here. please let me know what you’d like to see from me!!

tagging some of my faves for engagement:

@wannabestarkeysgirl @babypoguelife @shit-tua-probably-didnt-say @shadowisbored @spookyblazecoffee @google1000 @five-hargreeves-defense-squad @gillybear17 @fiction-is-life @toppersluvr @toppersjeep @toppersbitch @seconds-not-decades @torigrace26

[leiahstar]

Long Post: The Ssum Review (After 2 days of game play!)

Okay so, The Ssum. I'd say my enjoyment of it is around 50%.

Good Things:

The thing I'm enjoying most is incubating emotions! It's fun to see what each one will result in, even though it's boredom most of the time right now lol. I DO have the subscription, which is making things more... enjoyable. Wait times are cut in half and the chance of getting a varied pool of frequencies, emotions, and gifts are increased. I'm not sure if I would enjoy it as much without the subscription, so 1 point for that. I feel like more ways to get emotions for the incubators would be good though.

Teo's personality is nice overall! I also like his voice. He also sends a lot of pictures which is also nice 🤭

Sunshine Shelter!!! The creatures are adooooorable and although you have to buy more creatures (for me at least, thus far) I don't think $1.99 is too steep of a price. It’s also so cute seeing the creatures at the bottom of the screen pls I will die of cuteness overload!!

The galaxy/planet place (lmao). Really cool concept! It's like our own little universe inside the app. The planets are really pretty and well designed, and the different themes are awesome.

The Not-so-great Things:

Chatting with Teo is super limited. I bought the subscription, which includes free calls, but it seems (so far), that calls are also very limited. I'm not sure if the price of the subscription is worth free calls when those free calls end up in constant voicemails. It's also a bit jarring to go from being able to chat and call multiple times a day (Mystic Messenger) to only 2-4 times a day. It makes sense since there is only one person but still. I'm a bit miffed.

The private account. Again, a part of the paid subscription but he doesn't use it every time you communicate. I'm aware it depends on your choices whether he writes something or not, but still, I'm paying a large amount soooo I feel like it should be used more frequently. It shouldn't be dependent on your choices.

The choices. Some choices are highlighted because they lead to a specific response (I think?), but not everyone will want to choose those (it isn't their personality, they like a different choice better, etc), so that kind of sucks. Also, choosing the highlighted choice doesn't guarantee said specific outcome. I chose one with a phonecall sign on it but there was no phone call. I did call him though and he answered, so maybe that's what it meant! If so, the first thing still applies.

The Neutral Things:

The chatrooms/forums. They're nice but I don't really have an opinion of them. There're TONS of posts so it can be overwhelming, but they're relatively easy to use. To post or not to post? That is completely up to you! Lol, although posting does give rewards.

The interface. It was confusing at first but you get used to it after a while. I don't hate it but I don't love it. There's a lot on there and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing just yet.

The Subscription. Okay, I have the aurora subscription. It's $24.99 plus tax. A lot. Is it worth it??? I'm not sure yet. The boost in manufacturing emotions and stuff is VERY useful. So far though, that is the ONLY thing I'm enjoying. Its use for Teo has been extremely limited. As mentioned before, the extra $6 from the evolution package is Teo's secret account and there isn't a guarantee he'll use it often. The free calls have also been pretty useless (for me!). It's been pretty disappointing overall. It's only been 2 days so things could definitely change though!

So! Those are my thoughts right now, at the end of day 2. The Ssum has been okay, average. Here's to hoping things get better bc I absolutely won't be doing 200 days of this if it doesn't. I’ll do another one maybe in a couple of weeks. Thanks!

[huiyongg]

SSUM Review~

!~Spreading the Ssum~!

  Okay, so this would have been wayyy more positive if I had made this any earlier. But I encountered many bugs today and felt like making this post. I also felt very dissatisfied with some features while playing. Especially since I’m a big fan of Cheritz and have been waiting for the game since the very first SSUM Opening was revealed around 4-5 years ago I’d say. 

 First, off the bugs, my most significant bug has not been fixed EVEN with the new bug fix update v1.0.2 is me not being able to enter a chat, and it is stuck in wake time. This morning I was able to do the wake-time chat but when it came to breakfast it stated that I had to wait 21 hours, for the breakfast chat. What’s even stranger is in 21 hours it wouldn’t be my next breakfast chat it’s just a random time. I thought it was odd and restarted my game and even logged into another phone but to no avail. It was already lunchtime and the bug still persisted. Because of this, I am missing a full day of chats, I had already emailed support and have not gotten a reply since it normally takes 1-2 days for a reply back but then I’d assume my problem would already be fixed but I wouldn’t know because it’s not fixed yet.

 A few other bugs were not being able to collect my exp/support in planets, which is very frustrating because that’s the whole point of making a post is to get exp and support it would show the icon of exp but I would not be able to collect it. I also would constantly get notifications about chats that I already did or am currently in which was very strange. I would also constantly get “poor network connection” even though my wifi is fine and everything on my phone works fine. 

A few other things that I felt dissatisfied about is the pricing, normally I don’t mind things like mobile games needing money but here it feels over the top, like not being able to change your schedule/daily pattern without paying even though people’s schedules change constantly. Also, the subscription is so pricy, $25 dollars a month for just a few more options, it is so insanely priced because normal subscriptions are $5-15 and those are for big games or tv subscriptions. Paying $25 dollars a month for a mobile game is insane. Having it be a one-time purchase would have been way better and being able to buy some of the features as a stand-alone. For example, the private Teo account is really the only thing I’m interested in, and wish I could just buy that as a standalone without having to pay $25 dollars a month. Also, the other purchases are greatly overpriced as well, for example, the Incubating Aid Bot which basically only incubates the emotions by itself for $90 dollars. More than a full game on the switch or ps5. 

One minor ick I have which may not be applicable to everyone and it's more of a rant is me getting 8 bunnies, 8!! I don’t have any rare colors or anything they are all just relatively the same color bunny and I only have 3 nonbunnies which are by the way all in the Space Herbivore category. So what’s the point of having all these bunnies they don’t do anything in storage and even if I bought the upgrade I would still have extra bunnies, also bunnies are the worst creature as well because it takes the longest and doesn’t give good things. It just kinda really hurts trying to grind up for a new creature box just to see another bunny, though this isn’t really cheritz’s fault as much maybe I just have bad luck, as I am very familiar with gacha games. It's just very strange that the rates are so so skewed when there are lists and lists of creatures to collect.

Also, the fact that most of the other features seem just like something added on like we barely get to interact with Teo, and whenever we do it’s for a very short period of time. I just wish we could talk to him more so I actually feel a connection like with Mystic Messenger. I get that it’s 200 days full of chats but I’d rather have more chats go on during the day and have it be 100 days instead. Because realistically am I gonna be able to play this game for 200 days straight? I feel like it’s less of an otome game and more of just another game with a random guy talking to us every now and then. 

Now let’s go to what I like about the game, I actually think the daily schedule thing is very sweet and nice because it adapts to us instead of us having to adapt to it. I also think most of the planets are quite tasteful and it brings a smile to my face whenever I see someone supporting my post or seeing a heartfelt post from someone else and being able to support them. I also think the creatures are very cute if I just didn’t get all bunnies because seeing other people get really cute ones while I’m stuck with the same ones makes me sad. I also think it’s very impressive how much artwork there is and how many pictures we get, and the music is quite nice as well. The interface is also very adaptable and easy to use. 

To conclude, I think this game had a lot of potentials and I was really really excited about it but the actual end result feels very lackluster. I do believe that Cheritz can improve this game as it’s only 4 days since release.

Sorry for the very long review and or post. Bye Bye~

[fairysbookshelf]

Why I am done with Book of The Month, a Battle of the Book Boxes Review

So, if you have been on any kind of bookish platform in the past 2 years or so, you probably have heard of the book subscription platform, Book of the Month(BOTM). The little blue box has become famous as with there advertising coupons, you can get a full hardcover for as low as $5.99 but this monthly subscription book isn’t all it seems.

I have been a BOTM subscriber for the past two ish years, and what started out as the cheapest book subscription box for me, has now turned into something that doesn’t seem worth the $17.32 price tag anymore

Let’s start with the pros:

-They always have plenty of boxes available(I suspect this is true because they print on demand)

-they always offer free shipping(don’t have to pay an extra $10 like many other book boxes)

-unlimited skips

Now for the bad things:

-There are only at most 9 books to choose from, 5 books that are “this month’s picks” and then you can choose a “member fav” if you don’t like any of the main books. Problem is, when I want a novel that I am going to enjoy, I likely want a different genre then what is offered.

-many of them from the same genre(Contemporary, Historical fiction, and thriller) as a huge romance/fanasty reader this is very disappointing. According to my research they have only offer a different fanasty novel once every two to three months. Romance is offered way more, but still not as often as Contemporary or Thriller.

-There has been a huge price increase. BOTM use to run $10.99 a month(which is better than Barnes and Nobel prices for a hardcover) but have slowly but surely increased prices as the months go by. (While I know due to inflation things are more expensive, this price jump makes no sense, and was not communicated with customers at all. I have checked my records and the only email I have received was a email almost a year and a half ago about prices increase from $10.99 to $12.74 but that’s it.)

-For the $17.32 I am paying, I can go to Barnes and Nobel and pick out a book I know I will actually enjoy……

-A lot of the books are incorrectly labeled on their site. For example I chose to get Well Met by Jen Deluca as at add on. I thought it would just be a cute read. To cut it straight, There was definitely smut in the book. Not a lot, but enough that it should be marked as salacious on their website, but it’s not.

At the end of the day, as someone who reads as much as I do, I don’t like this bookish subscription box. Personally, I think this box is better of for someone who wants to get into reading and not yet a full book worm. People who want to start their collection of books and enjoy the contemporary genre more than anything.

[getoutofmyhouse-blog]

Where to start~

Now first off, I'd just like to say that these may not apply to everyone. Each person is unique and has their own intentions. These are all relating to what has assisted me the most thus far.

As for what I'll be covering:

Savings, budgeting, extra cash

looking for vehicles

balancing work and school while planning

mapping out your trip

your time/priorities

showering, refueling, camp sites, etc.

steps you can take to learn about van travel

what to do with your things and what to take with you

rules to set for the road

pit stops, attractions, hidden gems

why you're doing it

First up, money managing:

If you're expecting a relatively non stressful/comfortable trip- you'll need to pay attention to your spending habits. A good start is budgeting. Looking over all of your weekly, monthly, and yearly spending. I went all the way down to the specific foods I eat regularly and how much I spend on food each week. Try to be as thorough as possible- noting subscriptions you forgot about, free trials you haven't cancelled yet, bad spending habits to break, how expensive a certain brand of something is. Anything you don't deem essential I would recommend trying to get rid of. Going so far as looking up how cheap certain things are based on where you buy them or if a subscription has any discount codes online, if you think you'll continue using something then get that yearly subscription so you don't have to worry about extra expenses while away AND save a bit of money. Cut as many corners as you can. Even if that means *forgetting* to tell a certain someone that you still have access to their shudder account. Once you've cut down to as little monthly expenses as possible, It's time to look at what you can put away each month. I'll give you an example~ I made a very messy rough sketch of my expenses as I jotted everything down when I first started budgeting just a little over a month ago.

I'm a bit frugal when it comes to my spending. I also live with a family so it's likely I would spend more money on food once I'm on the road as I'll be providing for my own food entirely then. So because of that, I rounded up, to say I'd likely spend- $100 a month on groceries. And since I'll be with a friend, we agreed $200 a month total. But we don't have to get into his expenses because I'm sure a lot of you are budgeting for yourself only. Now onto subscriptions~ *I use Rocket Money(formerly Truebill) for keeping track of my subscriptions.* I jack my mom's netflix and prime and my friend's hulu and shudder... so I don't really have much for subscriptions lol. But, in reality, I'd likely only pay for one of those if I had to. The ones I do pay for though- I have Spotify with the student discount: $4.99m And my little sister's roblox: $4.99m Annual plan with maps.roadtrippers.com: $24.99y Yearly planet fitness black card: $49.99y And lastly, the yearly duolingo membership: $79.99y I got rid of a decent amount of subscriptions to help cut down on expenses for myself. So that makes $110 I can expect to spend on the road and $80 I'm spending at the moment every month. Now gas~ For this, all I used was google maps and an mpg calculator. If you don't already know your vehicles mpg(miles per gallon) It's no big deal at all- Just look up your make and model(ex. "Jeep Patriot 2012 mpg") though mine's got a few issues so she only gets about 16-20mpg. With your expected gas mileage, it's good to round down on how far it gets. You want to anticipate the worst. Now I head over to google maps and I'll put in the trips I take daily(home to school, school to the store, home to friends house) and I'll make sure I account for the ride home. Then just times it by how many times you make those trips every week. So lets say I drive to school twice a week, work three times a week, grocery store once. Work: 49mi x 3 School: 45mi x 2 Store: 11mi These are all round trip fyi. That's roughly 250 miles a week and 1,000 a month. If you couldn't tell, I kinds live out in the middle of nowhere. Not to mention my job isn't always in the same place. Sometimes it's an hour out. But, I have a pretty good setup! I live with many many people that all head into town regularly. In exchange for house labor I get free hitches most days and end up only filling up our gas tank a few times a month. But let's calculate anyways. If you live in a big city and don't get to get up in speed when driving, aim for the lower amount on your mpg. If you drive a long ways, especially on the highway, aim for higher on your mpg. I'll say 18mpg for myself. (don't forget to look up local gas prices on google maps! here, the cheapest is about $3.35 atm)

So that would be my monthly expense otherwise. But since I only pay a few times a month, we'll say $50 instead. (I recommend using this same mpg calculator method for calculating your trip!) Now onto my rent, It's $900 total. Though again, same with the gas, I do projects for my landlord to lower it. At the moment, I'm removing his cabinet doors, sanding all the shelves and doors, fixing hinges, caulking and painting them all, so this month my rent is $500. I try to bring it down to that every month with some kind of project or two. We've figured out what I spend every month on my essentials: $630 Let's go to what is earned every month~ I can only work three(3) shifts each week because of school right now. Each shift is between 8-10 hours so we can average it out and say I work 27 hours a week(9hrs daily). Typically on a 9 hour shift, I'll make $150 a day. $150x3, $450x4=$1,800 My current goal is being able to set aside $1,000 a month into savings. $1,000 to savings $630 to bills $170 left over for takeout, trip to the movies, fast food, and whatever else for the whole month. This may not seem like a lot for some but I was definitely not anticipating this good of a number when I told myself to figure out a way to put away a thousand dollars a month. This number will very likely be different for everyone. People have different expenses and goals than me. Many people have dependents like kids or pets. Others have higher or cheaper rent, car payments, lesser or higher paying jobs. It all depends. That's why it's good to figure out where all your moneys going and budget down to what's important to you. It doesn't matter if that means its a must for you to get a cheap coffee everyday or if you can't get rid of a good handful of subscriptions. That's why I recommend budgeting sites and trying to find discount codes. Just looking up a code for something can bring you to one. And don't forget to plan for those annual subscriptions! (Calendar!!)

Now, a good way to make some extra cash~

A few options: selling your things, fundraising, starting a side hustle. For the "side hustle", I'm working on this! I'm trying to create a sort of business online. I want to help people and give them easy solutions to the problems and questions they have while also inspiring them to stay motivated. I'm also looking into copywriting as my mom did that for a bit. I'll try to make a separate post about this one more in depth. Fundraising; an easy way to allow people to offer their support. This by no means requires you to beg for money from people. Simply creating a GoFundMe and adding the link to your socials is opening the door for people in a good place to just throw a few bucks your way. I too was a bit hesitant at first. Then I thought "there's a lot of abundant people out there that would be happy to forward someone's dream". Just do it! You're not begging for money just by applying for scholarships and broke people don't have a trust fund to fall back on so we may as well accept some help if it's offered. Sell your shit! I know how hard it can be to get rid of cool shit sometimes. Especially if you're only doing it for money. But if it's not sentimental or being used greatly- you should consider it's importance. I just listed a bunch of old trading/playing cards, albums, posters and others on facebook marketplace because I haven't even touched them in months. Some not in years! Why did I still have them?? I was even sad as I started taking the pictures. Because it felt like I was throwing out my old self. But really, I'll always be every part of me. I'm always gonna be 20, 17, 6, 15 and every other age I've been. Just cause I don't have some dusty old cards anymore doesn't mean that old me is gone. She's just doing even cooler things now.

I think I should do a part two for this~

[ridebanana]

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Our media consume habits are on the verge of change it is unclear whether Adobe can keep up with the innovation pace in the media creation realm.

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[igotbulletproof-insomnia]

Adopting Bangtan 06

01, 02, 03, 04, 05

Park Jimin & Kim Taehyung, age 8

Song Jieun is your favorite secretary at the school you work at. She’s like some coffee fairy the way she seems to magically know exactly when you need a fresh cup and you only needed to tell her how you liked it exactly one time. She is also endearingly sweet and hardworking, even if she has a penchant for losing things easily. It’s for that very reason why you are rarely surprised when Jieun approaches your desk in the staff room, like she does now, wearing a sheepish smile.

“What did you lose this time?” you question teasingly.

“I… may have misplaced a few copies of the kids’ grade reports…” she winces at the admission. “I think I threw them away by accident. I spent some time clearing out my things yesterday.”

“That’s right, my coffee fairy is moving to Gwangju,” your face twitches into a brief, playful pout. “How are the boys dealing with the change?”

“They’re fine,” she says quickly. “I’m a bit worried, but they’ll be okay, I’m sure.”

“Why, what’s wrong?” you ask, beginning to sign the small stack of papers. You flip the bottom half of the sheets up just enough to see the line at the bottom that you need to sign. You read them all just a few days ago, there’s no need to do it again.

“My fiance has been hinting that he doesn’t want to raise any step-children,” she explains, her voice tense with worry. “He’s especially concerned about my step-son from my last marriage… Heesung wants me to leave them in a boarding school here in Seoul. He’ll pay for their tuition but… I don’t really feel comfortable. They’re so young... I just don’t want him to leave me this close to the wedding.”

“He’s an idiot if he wants to leave you for being a good mother,” you tell Jieun firmly, but gently. “But I guess I understand the concern. I know you’ll do what’s best for the kids, you’re a good woman like that.” You pause, then flash another teasing smile. “I mean, you could just give them to me. I’m apparently running an orphanage at home.”

“Your boys are still bringing home strays?”

“I think I’ve gotten them to understand that they can’t bring home every sad kid and expect me to keep them. They usually have to go home eventually.” You finish signing the last of the forms.

“They have big hearts, I’m sure they learned that from you.”

“Yes, I taught them how to love,” you scoff indignantly. “If only they would learn to pee in the toilet, I might be a little nicer.”

“You love them,”

“Yes, I really do.”

Saturday evenings are chaotic.

As the parent of four preteen boys (and one first grader), almost everyday is chaotic. There is homework and music and video games and dance practice and guitar playing and piano lessons and why are all of these kids so dramatic, you didn’t raise them like this!

“Yah, I have three years more experience than you, how are you going to tell me --”

“Hyung, the answer is literally right there,” Namjoon sniggered, pointing.

“Listen, you brat --”

“The only brat I see here is you, Seokjin,” you sigh, breezing into the kitchen. Seokjin and Namjoon are perched on stools at the kitchen island, occupied with their homework. They were both clever kids, but Seokjin tended to get frustrated easily, and Namjoon was too quick for his own good. The two fought a lot, but they also depended on one another a lot; Namjoon would help Seokjin with the parts of his homework that became too frustrating and Seokjin would fluster Namjoon to the point where the kid acted his own age. “The others finished already?”

“Yoongi decided to stay at school and work with his friends,” Seokjin answers. “Hoseokie is playing with Kookie in their room. I think they’re building.”

“Okay, good,” you nod, “but that doesn’t explain why the TV is blasting Epik High.” Seokjin doesn’t bother verbalizing an answer, just turns to pointedly stare at Namjoon.

“They make good music!”

“And I am not arguing that point,” you agree. “I’m just saying that I could hear Mithra all the way down the hall before I even got to our floor.”

“That’s impossible, the volume isn’t that loud.”

“Namjoon,” Hoseok comes running into the kitchen. “You need to turn the music down our --” Hoseok stops in his tracks, almost slipping on the kitchen tile. “Oh, hi!”

“What were you saying, Hoseok-ah?”

“Um… I got a text, Joonie. Turn the music down.”

“Uh-huh, and how long ago did I send that text?”

“Uhm… about seven minutes ago?”

“And where, Namjoon, would I have been seven minutes ago?”

“Downstairs…” Namjoon suddenly finds the kitchen lights very interesting, the expression on his face imitating innocence.

“Uh-huh. Go fix it, please,” you roll your eyes. “This is the second time I’ve had to talk to you about your music being too loud. If it happens again I’ll be a week late paying for your subscription.” The fact that it had only been a guess that Namjoon had been blasting his music again was going to go completely unmentioned.

“Got it, won’t happen again,” he calls over his shoulder.

“Hoseok-ah,” you address the kid sneaking out of the kitchen. Your tone implies he’s in trouble and he stiffens. You can practically hear him thinking, wondering which of his shenanigans you may have found out about and which ones would have actually gotten him into trouble. Hoseok is a bit of a wild child when he gets into the right mood, but for the most part he’s actually the easiest one to take care of. They’re all relatively easy and well-mannered children, but they all have their bouts of difficulty. “Please try to deliver my messages promptly, not ten minutes later.” You let the scolding settle before adding, “Also, it’s your turn to choose dinner.” The face Hoseok makes in response, the sheepish, oh, right, I forgot, grin is adorable and you can’t help but smile in response.

“Can we get takeout?”

“Depends where from,” you reply as the doorbell rings.

“Can we please not do Jiwon-ssi’s dumplings again? I’m going to be sick,” Seokjin whines.

“Jiwon-ssi makes the best kimchi!”

You leave the boys to argue in the kitchen while you go answer the doorbell, which rings for the second time. Whoever is at the door is awfully impatient, you think, either that or just obnoxious. The apartment isn’t that big, although it is the biggest one you could find on your budget. Three bedrooms, one toilet, a balcony, kitchen, and living room. Yoongi and Seokjin share one room together with Jungkook while Namjoon and Hoseok share another. The space was a bit cramped, but It isn’t the one bedroom apartment you had when you adopted Namjoon, and it isn’t the two bedroom apartment from when you adopted Seokjin and then Hoseok a few months ago. It’s comfortable, and that’s what’s important.

“Seokjin,” you call while walking to the door, “it’s Hoseokie’s choice. Hoseokie, if Jiwon starts flirting with me again, I will hide your lucky sweatpants in some place you will never find them again.”

You open the door, Hoseok’s indignant spluttering and Namjoon’s cackling behind you. It’s a sort of chaos you’ve grown accustomed to, and it fills you with a warm feeling in your heart. You love these boys and are so happy to have met them and received the chance to raise them.

There are two more kids on the other side of the door.

“Um. Hi.”

“Hello!” One of the boys greet and they both bow to you. You blink at them. They’re cute, but you don’t exactly understand why they’re asking for you. “Thank you for taking us in!”

“What?”

“What?”

“Huh?”

“You said you can’t adopt more!”

“I… don’t…” you trail off, lost and confused. “What?”

“Mommy said me and Jiminie can live with you when she gets married,” the same boy who spoke earlier explained. His face is rather round, dark eyes framed with thick eyelashes. The other one is paler, features softer, prettier. “She said to give you this.” He holds out a piece of paper, one detailing the transferring of parental rights from Song Jieun to yourself. With your signature at the bottom.

“You’re Song Jieun’s kids?” you ask them, just to be sure. Both boys nod.

“Mommy also wanted me to give you…” the same boy starts searching through his pockets, mumbling to himself that I know I had it somewhere… I had it when we left… did I lose it on the bus? Eventually, the smaller one taps his brother on the shoulder and points to the front pocket of his bookbag. “Oh right! Thanks! Here.” the kid thrusts yet another piece of paper at you, this one a handwritten note written on good cardstock.

“Saem,” Seokjin speaks from just behind your shoulder now, “did you seriously fall for the same trick twice?”

“What trick?” You ask absentmindedly, reading the heartfelt apology. Apparently, that day when you signed those grade reports, Jieun slipped in a guardianship form and you unwittingly signed it.

“I gave you a bunch of things to sign and you didn’t even read them, you just signed it all,” your eldest replies. “I did that three years ago. How did you not learn yet?”

“Is that what happened?” You gape at him.

“Yes, but we aren’t talking about me right now,” Seokjin deflected. “We’re talking about you adopting more kids.”

“Um,” that same kid, the one with the thick eye lashes, cuts in. “Can we come in?” It’s a fair question, and in spite of the confusion and frustration in your heart, you know you aren’t going to send these kids back to Jieun and her new husband. She had already expressed her concern for these kids, and they aren’t even old enough to start middle school. How are they going to live in an apartment on their own? You stole Yoongi for that exact reason so you aren’t going to be a hypocrite now and turn these two boys away, even if you have no idea what you would do with seven children.

At least these two come with an added paycheck. And okay, that is bad, that is very, very bad. It isn’t nice to think of these innocent children as a paycheck, but it helps. You are struggling to take care of the five you already have, receiving extra money for the extra mouths is nice. At least Jieun was considerate about throwing her kids at you.

“Hello,” Namjoon waved. He hasn’t moved from his seat on the sofa, remote still in hand. Map the Soul is playing at a more sensible level, and it's a testament to Namjoon’s interest in the situation because he normally skips this song. “I’m Namjoon. Welcome to our home.”

“I’m Seokjin,”

“I’m Hoseok,”

“And I’m Jungkookie!”

“When did you get here?” you ask your youngest, surprised to see him.

“I heard the doorbell.”

“Right, my children are nosey, awesome,” you mumble to yourself. “Hoseok, let these boys stay with you and Joonie for now, okay? Boys what are your names again?”

“I’m Taehyung,” says the same child who’s done all of the talking so far. “This is my brother, Jimin. He’s quiet and doesn’t like to talk.”

“That’s okay. We were going to order dinner soon. Are you boys hungry?”

“I’m always hungry,” Taehyung grinned.

“Of course you are, you’re a young boy. This lot will eat me out of house and home if I let them.”

“Your house is your home, you’re being redundant,” Namjoon scoffs, going back into the kitchen to finish his homework.

“I fail to see where I’m wrong though.”

“I volunteer to not tell Yoongi we’re adopting more kids,” Hoseok laughs as he leads Jimin and Taehyung away.

“One, two, three, not it!” The rest of the boys shout.

“Hey, I’m the parent here! Why are you behaving like I’m afraid of a twelve-year-old?!”

07

[gambitimagines]

J’tadore Vous Part 1

Well, here it is. Life has sucked more than usual lately and I just want to get lost in fiction, so I’m writing and you get to enjoy it!

Warnings: If you’ve had to struggle or you’ve lived in a poor family before, this might be triggering, I don’t know. It’s up to you if you want to read it or not. Not everyone has the same experience and I do what I can to respect others. Not sure how “accurate” this will be, but I’m doing what I can. Sorry if it’s a little too hard-hammered or something else. Was going for a Peter Parker in 2000s Spiderman scraping by type vibe.

Notes:

Remy’s a bit more hoity-toity and cultured here, it being an AU and him rolling in money, not downplaying it like he does in the comics (that I know of?). Kind of a light mash up of Gambit, John Carter and Henry Morgan from the short lived show Forever. But the ol’ Cajun boy we all know and love will let loose and show himself eventually. ;)

 I have no idea how real life internships work, I never had one. It’s probably more labor-intensive than this and is and I’m not saying Y/N gets to pick her own hours, but she said “This is when I can be available.” We’ll say the place was desperate for go-getters, so they hired her. I’ve never been to the Museum of Natural History, and when I was in NYC, I stayed in the hotel most of the time, (I was 17 and with my family. It was a side-trip. We did not tour the city, unfortunately, we did other things. Long story.)

I did say she was of simple means, more because I like the phrase because it takes you back to a bygone era, more so than that it can mean dirt poor, I suppose depending on where you live. 

Lastly, knowing me, this may be three or four parts. It feels too big to be a two-parter. I have no set plan for it, except what elements I want to include, just writing it as I go. Like most people, I know zilch about paintings or billionaires.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

You were a (your age) year old student of archeology with a couple degrees in math and sciences under your belt. You’d graduated from Harvard a year earlier than expected. You were the talk of your small town and the shining beacon of hope in your family among your siblings. However, the cost of university had depleted your savings, so now you were living by simple means in New York City in a less than stellar apartment within walking distance of NYC’s famous museum of Natural History. Unfortunately, even with all your fancy degrees, you didn’t work there-yet. You interned there part time. The rest of the time during the work week? You were slinging burgers at Mc-Hardy’s burger shack, and Friday’s, your time was taken up selling magazine subscriptions or perfume, or taking odd jobs tutoring kids. Whatever paid the bills fastest.

Today was Wednesday, so that meant work, then interning at the museum in the afternoon. You got to work in your black and yellow shirt and hat, putting on your apron, ready to make five number twos, three number fives, all with extra sides, hold the pickles on the number fives. Ah, hard work!

At five, your shift ended and you hung up your apron.

“Just a minute, (Y/N)!” Your manager, Joey, waved you over. He was 32, jovial and heavyset. A kind, easy-going manager.

“Yeah?”

“We have to dock your pay next month,” Joey frowned, “Ten dollars off. It’s this whole corporate and taxes thing. Sorry.”

That would be ten dollars you’d have to make up in your other jobs. Ten less dollars for bills and food. 

“I understand,” You sigh. You can’t fight it and you can’t quit, you’re not in the position to. Suck it up and live with it. This weekend was probably going to be about work again and not watching free movies on your small, outdated-but-still working laptop. Hooray.

You got to the museum and changed into your “evening attire”, as they had a dress code there and some strict rules for workers. A white skirt and a thin yellow cardigan over an off-white cotton blouse with a shimmery faux gold necklace and noisy metal bangles on your left wrist. Your dot earrings completed the ensemble. You headed to the office to clock in.

You were walking there, when someone caught your eye. The museum had it’s regulars, strange as it sounded. This man was not a regular. He was standing in front of one of the many Picasso’ in the place, examining it with hard eyes. The man was tall with just the right amount of stubble. Shaggy, but not unkempt straight brown hair framed his stunning jaw and exquisite cheekbones. He wore a long dark coat and a silky red ascot around his neck with tiny blue diamond shapes. His shoes were definitely expensive and the coat was no doubt Armani brand. He wasn’t just “hot”, that was too modern of a phrase to describe him. He wasn’t a lifeguard or a shallow movie star. He was classically handsome, like a Victorian era gentleman.

In any case, you had to walk past him to get to the office, down that hallway. You started going.

“Excuse me, miss?” He turned to you.

Your lanyard that read intern bounced around your neck. “Yes sir? I need to clock in, but I can give you a minute.” You were a bit startled to look at him head on now. He had the most stunning, vivacious red-on-black eyes.  Mutants had been common place for a long time and you’d met quite a few, but none of them had looked like...him.

“A minute is all I need,” He smiled, dimples showing, “Do you know how long that Picasso has been in this museum.”

“Not off hand, but I could look it up. Please follow me,” You smiled genially. Between jobs, you’d developed enough professionalism to not drool over even the most Herculean of men walking in to your workplace. Unless Chris Pratt walked in, no one was going to throw you off. Besides, this guy, whoever he was, was probably just another rich snob with no taste and millions of dollars to waste away on dead men’s art. No big thing.

You walked into the office, clocked in and went through the records while Rich Guy waited outside. The painting happened to be one of your favorites, so you knew which one to look up. You shortly went back out to him.

“It’s been here since ninety-five. Sold to us from a dealer in Louisiana, and before that it was residing in a museum in France that went out of business,” you explained. It was hard to imagine a museum losing funding, but it happened.

“I see. I’d like to buy it. Can I speak with your manager about that?” He said it as casually as someone out to buy a car, like it wasn’t worth millions.

“Of course you can talk to her. I’ll go fetch her,” you nodded. It was rare occurrence, but that was one of the ways the place got their money, aside from charity fundraisers and investors. 

“Jenny,” you were back in the office, “Rich guy outside wants to buy the big Picasso. Asked to speak with you.” Maybe this would get you noticed enough to start working here. A tour guide, a janitor, even just hanging up the art would be welcome. You’d take any crumb of a chance offered to you!

The thin blonde stood up, smoothing out her purple skirt and adjusting her white top. “Old? Young? Hot?” She’d been single for a while and wasn’t above showing interest to single male investors and the like.

“He’s...a mutant.” You shrug. Jenny was not a fan of mutants. Her loss. You were friendly with everyone.

“Ew. Fine. Let’s get this over with. Come with me, take down his address and whatever,” She sneered.

“Hello sir, how can I help you?” She fake smiled, walking up to Rich Guy.

“I’d like to buy this Picasso. It’s rather dashing, don’t you think?”

He was dashing.

“I’m more into Rembrandt,” Jenny said, “We allow paintings to be sold, but require a ten-thousand dollar donation or higher to maintain...”

You tuned out Jenny’s pitch as you’d heard it before. Instead, you took in Mr. Mysterious again. He certainly was something. Really your type, as far as types went. His pants were even tailored, brown. The dress shirt underneath his coat was a blue-grey color that, strangely, complimented his bright red eyes.

You felt Jenny nudge you with her elbow. “Miss (Y/L/N), please take down his name and address,” She grit her teeth. You’d zone out. Unprofessional.

“Sorry! Name and Address...”

“Remy LeBeau and my address is...” He was on the outskirts of the city. A townhouse, he explained, not a condo or apartment like most people here.

“And when would you like that delivered?” You ask.

“Mornings are best,” He smiled at you, “Nine-o-clock Saturday would fit into my schedule just fine, Cherie. You _will_ be there to oversee it gets to my place safely, won’t you?”

“Her?” Jenny was nearly fuming, as she didn’t like being under-minded, “Mister LeBeau, I’m sorry, but she’s _only_ an intern. We have far more capable-”

“I want her. She looks capable, intern or not. And you should promote her sometime, she’s been very...polite. Very helpful this evening.” Remy stared straight into your eyes and you’d swear you felt the stars themselves shaking just from the intensity of it all. 

“I, uh, I’d be happy to help oversee things,” You stammer, feeling flushed. 

“I tip handsomely,” Remy said, adjusting your lanyard to not be lop-sided with careful hands. You just nodded.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Saturday soon came and you were up and ready early, at the museum a half hour before you should’ve arrived. Being late just wouldn’t do in this situation. You killed time filing papers, then playing with your phone. The movers came after some time and you were off. 

The Townhouse wasn’t as ostentatious as you’d expected. Three stories, white paneling, lots of windows everywhere with a gorgeous lakeview. It did have a four car garage, so either Remy liked cars or he was (gulp) married with several children.

You  walked alongside the movers who carefully rolled in the painting wrapped in two layers of brown sheet paper on an extra large dolly. 

Remy had opened the white French doors leading into his home some time ago. You lead the movers in.

“My collection room is down the hall,” Remy lead you all down a hallway with shiny polished wooden walls to match the flooring. There were painting decorating the hallways and other areas, but no pictures of friends or family to be seen. Perhaps he really was alone?

Remy took you into a very large room, as big as two of your apartment. Matisse, Rembrandt, Picasso and other famous paintings lined all the walls. You were quietly astounded he’d amassed such a large collection of famous, expensive paintings.

“It will go here,” He pointed to a large blank spot on the far wall across from the door. You watched as the deliverymen hung up the painting, slow and careful. “Uh, good job,” You resisted giving a corny thumbs up. This was your first time doing this, after all.

“Yes, that’ll do quite finely,” Remy stepped back, staring at the masterpiece.

“Anything else, sir?” One of the deliverymen asked.

“No, not from you,” He turned to look at you, “Miss (Y/L/N) was it? Would you do me the great pleasure of joining me for a meal?”

TO BE CONTINUED

[icypantherwrites]

Changes Coming to Patreon; Back to AO3 Icy Goes

An abbreviated and slightly different version of a post I made on my Patreon this evening:

Several months ago I made the announcement that I was switching my main platform from AO3 to exclusively post my works on Patreon. I had hoped it would help with some of my mental health issues with the reasoning that Patreon was a platform with a smaller, dedicated audience and would be better than posting into the great unknown and feeling let down by the sheer number of hits but no sightings of the people behind them.

Unfortunately, this decision has not panned out the way I had hoped. To be completely honest, I feel even worse than I ever have before. I truly thought this switch would encourage more engagement from those that were on my Patreon given that everyone now had that exclusive access and knowing that they'd want to be involved and that I'd be okay with knowing only a literal handful of people might be reading. That has not been the case. And to be clear, that's on me for having those hopes and expectations because certainly no one at my Patreon is required to engage with my works; you pay a subscription fee each month, you get content, and more always comes. And I will certainly continue to post those works that Patreon supporters paid for and expect to see under the original outline of my Patreon, but at this time...

At this time I've made the decision to return to posting on AO3 and no longer make that content exclusive to Patreon.

Any of the exclusive one-shots that did post here will remain, but I'll be adding them to my AO3 archive as well and the chaptered fics will only be posting for early release tiers on Patreon going forward, not posting later for all tiers. They will all instead be made available on my AO3 and just like before you are welcome to read them there. To be clear: none of your access to content is changing. You will still be able to read all of my stories, but they will no longer exclusively be on Patreon.

It is really hard for me to post works (and yes, I know they are all finished, it's still hard). It is hard to post in the author's notes and ask for comments and engagement because it is not fun to post and feel like hardly anyone is reading, and harder still when very few do because it just tells me that the majority of people either don't read those requests or they ignore them. Both don't feel good. And doubly so when you consider the majority of my content is about support. Ironic, right? ;p

Just like when I made this original decision, I didn't come to this one lightly. After all, there was a reason I decided to step away from AO3. But trying to bribe y'all with extra content via engagement hasn't worked. I've actually had 7 people in the two months that I made this switch join the page and quit within a couple days (sometimes a couple hours), accessing all content (and no doubt spurred on by the sheer amount behind a paywall) and that's a slap in the face to me and makes me feel even worse. And I certainly don't want to turn my works into a pay-per-view where I open a shop and sell PDF copies of individual works because the money has never, ever, been what the Patreon has been about. The finances help me to justify spending the time writing the works to keep this page active and going, but the whole reason I created a Patreon was to have an engaged, local community where I could be myself a little bit more, be a little more honest than I normally allow myself to be, and to share exclusive works with all those who made that decision to come here and financially support me with the hope that would extend to mental and emotional support via engagement on the site ♥

There are over 100 people on my Patreon and on average not even 10% make an appearance. It feels like I am posting and posting and hardly anyone is reading and the whole point of posting works is to share them because fandom is something that is meant to be shared. It's an experience for us all, whether we're creators or consumers, and we cannot exist without the other. It's a circle of fanfiction.

AO3 wasn't the best for me mentally. But the alternative I decided to pursue has unfortunately been even worse. And yet I still can't help but want to share my creations, want to make those connections, want people to laugh and cry and find comfort and support and experience emotions or feelings they may never had had, to learn and grow, to just enjoy the whump and angst and find a little escape sometimes from reality. Writing has been so important to me, it's what has kept me going through some very low times although it's catch-22 as the posting part of that process can make me feel lower than when I started. But I push through and hope that things get better, always.

Planning out this Patreon has meant so much to me. Writing stories for it, setting up polls, getting to create cover banners, write commissions, and, most importantly, interact with all of you... it has kept me going. And in order for me to not hate this page, to not delete it, to not call it quits, I need to make this switch back to AO3 and the chance for a larger audience. And I truly hope you can understand why I am doing this. I truly hope that even though the vast amount of my works will now be technically "free" that you still remain a member of my Patreon as those "free" works are only possible due to this site. 

And to anyone reading this now on my Tumblr, please read the above. I only continue to post because of the financial support on my Patreon. There is now going to be a burst of content posting on my AO3 and lots more to come, but please don’t ever think that this is “free” because it was not free. 

And this isn’t to tell you to go join my Patreon (although if you’d like to, please feel free) but to remind you that it costs nothing to leave a comment on a story that you read and that doing so means everything to the creator. Please don’t see this change as just an endless buffet of fanfiction to consume. Please see it as what it is: a chance to engage, to be a part of a fandom, and to support a creator whether that’s financially emotionally or both. 

A gentle reminder that Patreon on the whole was never meant to be just a "how much can you get" type of site, but a way to show your support to creators you enjoy with little bonuses as incentives to check out higher pledged tiers and to stick around so the creator keeps wanting to make more content to share. This page will still have all the bonuses it has always had: the FMs, the previews and bonus snippets, the ability to commission, and, in the event they happen, all of the events and contests :) 

I'm sad that this change didn't work out the way I had hoped, but there's no such things as failures; it has been a learning experience. Thank you all for your patience with me as I muddle through this and try to make the best choices for my own mental health ♥ Thank you to all for your financial support of this Patreon that allows me to keep writing and thank you so much to all those who comment and engage and inspire me to keep writing ♥

Much love,

Icy

[timelordthirteen]

Desperate Souls 1/?

Mr. Gold/BelleFrench, Explicit

Summary: A broke and heartbroken Belle French comes to an agreement with Mr. Gold to do a little modeling, just for him, in exchange for the money she desperately needs, but it isn't long before they both realize they've made a deal they didn't understand. Based on this prompt.

Chapter Summary: Belle makes a depressing discovery and considers her options.

Notes: OKAY. Here we go. Chapter 2 is almost done, but everything was getting stupid long and in spite of my plan I had to break it up. The entire story is all fully outlined now, but I make zero promises about my ability to keep it updated because I'm the worst. In total it will be anywhere from 10 to 15 chapters.

[AO3]

Belle stared at the paper in her hands.

$37.23

That was all that was left in the account. She staggered and then dropped down onto the old sofa. Her heart was thumping in her chest, her face felt hot, and her vision blurred. The page fluttered away, sliding over the coffee table to fall off the edge and onto the floor on the other side. The corner of the paper fluttered in the air from a heating vent in the floor, and she watched it for a long moment before her head dropped to her hands, palms pressed to her face as tears stung her eyes.

Her heart, her hopes, her money; Garrett Gaston had taken everything.

Well, almost everything. Apparently, she still had thirty-seven fucking dollars and change left. She shook her head and laid back against the cushions, breathing slowly. Calming down was step one, step two was figuring out a logical plan to fix things. Most of the regular monthly bills: car payment, cell phone, and utilities, had already been deducted before Garrett had a chance to clean out their shared account. That left whatever was on the credit card and the rent to pay. She let out a short, humorless laugh, and sat up. There wasn’t much on her Visa, some books she ordered from Amazon last month and her Netflix subscription. Even if there was more she could get away with making minimum payments if she had to and eat the interest until she got back on her feet. The rent was a whole other story.

Mr. Gold didn’t do minimum payments, but he did do late fees and interest.

There was also her promise to her father. Moe French was always just barely making ends meet, and she had agreed to loan him some money to buy extra stock for the flower shop ahead of Valentine’s Day, something she had done last year as well. That holiday always put the shop in the black for a while, and she hadn’t been concerned that she wouldn’t get her money back. Now she was wondering if she would also need a loan of some kind just to keep a roof over her head.

Maybe she’d even have to move back in with her father.

Belle blinked, letting the tears roll down her cheeks, leaving trails through her makeup. Living with Moe was not an option, not if she wanted to maintain any semblance of a relationship with him, which left her with few choices. She pushed to her feet, wiping at her face with her hand as she crossed the small living room to pick up the bank statement. Her eyes immediately went to the top of the page.

Beginning balance…$4,737.23

The statement crumpled in her hand, her fingers squeezing it into a tight ball, digging the sharp edges of the folded paper into her palm before she spun on her heel and threw it across the space. It smacked against the door to the bathroom. She followed it up by yanking the ring off her left hand and flinging it in the same direction. It made a satisfying ping as it careened off the doorknob and rattled to the floor.

Rage fueled her as she stomped through the apartment, snatching up the handful of things her now very ex-fiance had left behind before he fucked off to Mexico with a woman who wasn’t her, taking all of her money with him. She felt like an idiot for agreeing to sign Garrett onto her account before they were married, but in the moment it had made sense to pool their funds. They were starting their new life together, supposedly, and he made a point of saying he wanted to help pay for the wedding.

Belle and her father didn’t have much, and from the outside it seemed like Garrett was far better off financially. He had a decent job selling insurance, a nice car, nice clothes, and his parents were very well off real estate agents in Boston. Or at least that was what he had told her. She had never met them, and that, combined with the fact that he had yet to make any deposits into their now shared account, told her all she needed to know. Garrett Gaston was a lying asshole, and for all she knew his parents could be dead or have disowned him. It was clear he had used her, though she wasn’t sure the year long charade was worth the four thousand-seven hundred dollars he’d stolen from her.

She let out a ragged breath and ran her hands through her hair. A hooded sweatshirt with a rip in the front pocket, a paint splattered t-shirt, a pair of work boots that had seen better days, a phone charger, and a mismatched pair of socks lay in a pile on the sofa. Everything else he’d taken with him, including half the hangers in the closet. He must have crammed it all into the same large suitcase and duffle bag he’d used to move in just three months ago. She wondered if he’d had it all planned before then, or if it was a spur of the moment decision. When had he met this other woman? Had he cared about her at all, ever?

Belle sniffed loudly and rubbed her nose. She refused to shed any more tears over Garrett, and looked around the room for anything she might have missed. A thought hit her then, and she hurried into the kitchen, took one of the chairs from the small table by the window, and used it to reach up on top of the fridge. Her heart sank when she felt nothing but dust. He’d even taken her emergency fund, mostly made up of spare change and small bills shoved into an old jar. She wasn’t sure how much was in it, but it had to be a couple hundred dollars. That brought the total to almost five thousand.

Deflated and exhausted, she climbed down off the chair, and placed it back at the table. Then she walked back into the living room and briefly contemplated setting Garrett’s things on fire. There was a burn barrel in her father’s backyard that he used for yard waste. Maybe she could invite Ruby and Ashely over for a bonfire, and roast marshmallows that they imagined were ex-boyfriends.

That thought made her smile, but a few seconds later, she sighed and reluctantly went to pick up the bank statement and engagement ring. Being angry might make her feel better temporarily, but it wouldn’t solve any of her current problems. Unfortunately, neither would anything Garrett left behind, which were clearly items he no longer cared about and which had no value. At least she’d been wearing the ring when he packed up and left, or he likely would have taken that as well.

She went into the bedroom and sank down on the end of the bed. The mattress dipped and the frame creaked, yet another reminder of her less than stellar financial state. A couple of weeks ago, they’d talked about getting new furniture after they were married, in particular, a bed, and Belle rolled her eyes at the memory. She put the engagement ring back in its box on her dresser, and decided to take a shower. As the hot water ran down over her neck and shoulders, she made a mental list of what she needed to do, and felt calmer after she was done.

After drying off and changing into some comfortable clothes, she shoved Garrett’s belongings into a trash bag and set it by the door to take down to the dumpster in the morning. Then she sat down with the little notebook she kept in her purse and a pen, and started writing out her expenses for the next month. By the time she was done, and after considering the amount of her usual paycheck, the total she would at the end of next month was...fifty four dollars.

She fell back against the sofa and blew out a breath. There was no way to make the math come out any better. Rent included the usual utilities, but there was food, her cellphone, car insurance, and those incidental costs of existing like laundry detergent and toilet paper and probably a hundred things she’d end up running out of next week. It felt like life was out to spite her. The cushion she had worked so hard to build up was gone, as was the paycheck that had just deposited. Garrett probably waited until Thursday just for that reason, to squeeze just a little bit more out of her and make her ruin complete.

She got up and went back into the bedroom. The ring box seemed to be mocking her as she reached for it, and she flipped it open and scowled down at the princess cut diamond. It was about one carat in size, flanked by two smaller diamonds, which gave the ring a total weight of about one and half carats. It was huge as far as engagement rings went, and she supposed that was more of Garrett showing off money he didn’t actually have. The truth was she didn’t care for it at all, the squared off princess cut being her least favorite, and the set of three gems gave it a bulk and gaudiness that wasn’t her style. But it was what he had picked out and proposed with, and because of that she made herself like it. The band was rose gold, her favorite, which was at least one thing he managed to remember about her.

Belle snapped the box shut and shook her head. The ring had to be worth something, and though there was only one place in town she could take it she was confident that Mr. Gold would give her a fair price. He had always been fair, even if he often came off as cold and eccentric. She’d never had a problem with Gold, though she didn’t really know him that well either. A few times she had gone out of her way to try to be nice and talk to him, but he seemed annoyed and eventually she gave up. She was friendly and polite when she saw him, not just because he was her landlord, or because we wielded some strange power over most of the citizens of Storybrooke, but because she sensed he was someone who didn’t have a lot of kindness in his life.

She set the ring down and yanked open the bottom dresser drawer. Inside was a small collection of what could only be described as ugly Christmas sweaters, leftover from the annual holiday parties that Granny would throw at the diner. Those were taken out and set aside. Beneath them was something that made Belle frown all over again, a pile of silk and lace, with a few price tags caught up on each other. It was the pile of lingerie that she’d been reserving for her wedding and honeymoon.

The sting of tears made her blink and she felt her earlier anger bubbling up again. She knelt down in front of the drawer and pulled all of it out, throwing it behind her on the bed. Then she set about separating it, untangling tags and eye hooks, and pairing up the things that went together. She hadn’t worn any of it yet, but the items with tags had been purchased too long ago to return, never mind that she had probably thrown out the receipts weeks ago. It wasn’t designer stuff or anything, but it had to be worth something, so she folded it all into a neat stack and placed it on top of the dresser. Then she set the ring box on top and resolved to take all of it to Gold’s shop tomorrow.

None of it would be missed.

[ladynestaarcheron]

Like Pristine Glass - Chapter Nineteen

ao3 - ff.net - masterpost

(tagging these cuties: @humanexile @skychild29 @rhysandsdarlingfeyre @candid-confetti  @rhysandsrightknee @missing-merlin @azriels-forgotten-shadow @books-and-cocos @sezkins79 @city-of-fae @someonemagical @dusty-lightbulb @messyhairday-me @rinad307 @superspiritfestival)

back after my exam hiatus!! so without further ado, here we go!

---

February 12 - 4 years after

The sun is barely shining before Nesta has rushed out to—who else?—Zeyn's house.

She can hear him taking his time as he makes his way to the door and she bounces on the balls of her feet. It's not an emergency...yet. But she doesn't like the minutes ticking by, with Cassian home alone with the three of them.

His warm brown eyes are bleary only for a second before he realizes it is her standing before him, and then they fly open.

"Nesta? What are you—is everyone all right?"

"We need to take Ollie to see his healer," she says.

"All right, I'll get my shoes. But—you didn't bring him?"

Nesta winces. Poor wording on her part, indeed. "No," she says. "I meant...Cassian and I are taking him. I...need you to come be with Avery and Nicky."

Zeyn, to his credit, does not flinch. His concern slips into something else, something she cannot name, for only a fraction of a second before it is back. "Of course. Just a minute, yeah?"

And he reappears less than a minute later, boots laced, shutting the door behind him. They set off together.

He doesn't even ignore her. "Are you worried?"

"I'm always worried," she says. "It's not the worst it's ever been, but...it's been a while." It had been six months since Nicky had coughed badly enough to need to see a healer. She remembers holding him in the first minutes after his birth—she hadn't been given him right away, like his siblings, because even then there had been something wrong with his lungs.

Zeyn must sense where her mind has run off to, because he reaches out and squeezes her hand. "If you think it's not that bad, you're probably right. You're going to see a healer. Everything will be fine."

She shoots him a shaky, grateful smile.

"Are Ava and Nicky awake?"

"I don't think so. Not when I left."

"All right...just get them ready and take them to nursery?"

"Yes, I already packed their things...if Avery won't put on a jacket, don't argue with her, but bring it along and give it to her teacher."

"Is that still going on?"

"Don't get me started," she grumbles. They round the corner and walk up the path to the house. Nesta holds out her hand to stop him. "Zeyn," she starts. Pauses. "Thank you."

It's not enough...there's more to say, she knows. But it does it, for now. And she has more pressing matters at hand, anyway.

---

April 12 - Year of

With the dawn of spring came dramatic change in the shop. Whatever winter wear had not been sold was tucked away in storage, and the switching out of the clothier's merchandise had inspired Nesta to do the same in Cassian's home.

Cassian did not have much to begin with, of course. But she felt she could rearrange the furniture in her bedroom.

Not that she had done much to make the place "hers"—in fact, she was not quite sure how. The little apartment she had rented in Velaris was the closest thing she had ever had to her own home, and she hadn't done much in the way of decor there. Briefly, she wondered if it was still in her name, or if Feyre had stopped paying the rent.

She decided she didn't care much. She was never going to go back to Velaris. Even if Cassian did still take his trips there.

While it was true that she had never purchased any bedding or curtains or a vanity, the subscription Cassian had gotten her for Solstice—NightWrite—had provided her with little knick-knacks. She had thrown out anything with Night Court insignia, but kept most of it. So pushing her bed to one side of the room and moving her bookshelf to the other was also accompanied by shuffling around of these objects.

It was during this...rather useless endeavor, she could admit to herself, of switching the order of the tiny figurines on her shelf, that she found it—the old flyer she had taken from the bar in the town center. The one advertising ships to that land across the sea. Gilameyva.

Nesta sat down on the bed. This is the paper that had inspired her, all those months ago, to get a job. To save up and go.

Since she never bought much of anything, she definitely had enough to book comfortable passage. She could go. Just set sail and...never come back.

Or maybe she could go...somewhere else. On a vacation. And then she would...come back. Didn't people plan for summer holidays months in advance? She could bring it up to Cassian now. Couldn't she?

But no, that would be insane. She had to save up. Because she was not going to live in his house forever. And where would she live? Would she build herself a house here, in the Illyrian mountains?

The flyer in her hand seemed to mock her. An idyllic land far away where no one knew the name Nesta Archeron. A fresh start.

For what she could not admit to herself, but what she had just started to understand was: she did not want a fresh start somewhere else. She wanted to stay with Cassian.

When had the switch happened in her mind? When did this pull between them not become so irritating? When had she decided to make her bedroom more comfortable, make her mark more permanent?

She didn't know. The only thing she was certain of was that this current state of limbo, of living in her room in his house while waiting for him to come back from meetings with her sister...this would not do.

Romance was fun in books, but in the real world, practically always won out for Nesta, and so it was abundantly clear to her that two options lay before her: either she would leave or she would stay. And those were her terms.

So all she had to do was work up the nerve to act on her decision.

After she figured out what it was, of course.

February 12 - 4 years after

When they get to the clinic, they are not immediately rushed into a room, which calms Nesta down. Cassian, on the other hand, only gets more anxious.

"Why aren't they letting us see the healer?" he demands in a whisper, low enough so Ollie, his head on Nesta's shoulder, cannot hear him.

"Trust me, if they think we can wait in line, we're all right."

"But he's coughing!"

"The others might have some graver issue. If they pull you ahead, your situation is dire." Indeed, there had been times when Nesta had brought Ollie in; the healer had taken one look at him and announced that she would need all her appointments cancelled.

"Sit down," she tells him, lowering herself and Ollie into a chair. She presses her lips to the top of his head as she strokes his lower back.

Cassian does, but it must be wildly uncomfortable; these tiny things with no wing-accommodation. She frowns. What will that be like for her children? To live here, where even in a community of different types of faeries, they are clearly other.

"You're really not worried?" he asks her.

"I'm concerned," she says. "But I'm not nervous. I know more or less what she's going to say. His lungs haven't gotten drastically weaker. You see him play and run around. It comes and goes for him. As long as we keep up with what the healer prescribes—which we do—we should be fine."

Cassian is quiet, clearly struggling for words.

"What is it?"

"Sometimes...things don't happen according to plan," he says finally.

She actually laughs a little. "Well, I know that."

His lips quirk at her slight laugh. "How did...how did you find out? That you were...pregnant?"

She leans back in her chair, giving Ollie more room to recline on her. Lying on his stomach sometimes helps with his cough. "I fainted, actually. And they—Miri, Zeyn—they brought me to the clinic and Amorette told me."

"She was your healer the whole time?"

"Yes. That's how we met."

"And you..." he hesitated. "She delivered them?"

"She did," she says.

Nesta often recalls that day with wonder. Her whole life she had felt—everything. Just so much, all the time. And how insignificantly nothing it all appeared, compared to that cacophony of emotion in those few hours.

"He was sick, then, too," Cassian says softly.

They have never truly discussed this before, but..."Yes. He was born...he was too small. And his lungs were...weak. Not quite underdeveloped, but weak. He wasn't...ready to breathe...yet."

Recollecting that time—collapsing in exhaustion and relief against the bed, and realizing only a few seconds later that something was horribly, horribly wrong—why weren't they giving her the baby? Why could she only hear two cries?—it always tightens Nesta's throat and blurs her vision. She can barely feel Cassian put his arm around her.

"We didn't know what was going to happen, at first," she whispers, half because of where they are, half because of what she's saying. "But he's...he's strong now. This is just...we're at the healer's. He'll be fi—" Nesta's voice catches on the last word and she can't finish it. She forces her mind to go blank. She can't imagine—can't let herself think—

"Hey," Cassian's voice cuts in. He squeezes her shoulder. "Stay with me."

You stay with me, she wants to say.

But she stays silent, choosing to focus on the feel of his arm. She doesn't trust her voice now, for anything.

---

April 15 - 1 year after

Midway through her second trimester, Nesta was more than ready to give birth. The extra weight she was carrying was officially past flattering, she couldn't see her feet unless she was lying down, and everywhere she went, people stopped her and asked her if she was excited.

The latter was the absolute worst, because she still had not decided whether or not she was going to keep the children.

But she had never been good at being put on the spot—her preferred method of dealing with unwanted advances had always been silently staring them down, and since she was trying to get along as an average Sugar Valley resident, when Zeyn asked her if she had gotten around to painting the nursery yet, and if she would like some help...

What else could she say?

So he was there that afternoon, holding two buckets of light blue paint.

"Are you sure there's any difference between these two?" he asked, squinting.

"Sky and powder? Yes." To be fair, she probably wouldn't have registered the difference so clearly had she not grown up with Feyre, ever-obsessed with chronicling the different colors around them.

"Are we doing...stripes?"

"No." Stripes? For babies? "Just those two will be powder," and she punctuates her words by pointing to the wall front and back walls, "and those two will be sky."

"Oh. Why?"

"It's supposed to be lightly stimulating." She had read that in a book Amorette had given her. She was skeptical, but the store she had gone to had given her a good deal on the paints.

"Right. Well. Let's start, then."

Zeyn could be irritating, but his endless, mindless chatter could be comforting, as well. That was how she felt today. And she did appreciate how he kept going to fetch her things—berry juice and an extra cushion to put on her chair. Nesta felt she had not done her part at all, but Zeyn didn't seem to mind.

"Any progress on names?"

"Nothing concrete."

"Ah, well," he said. "My mother says you have to meet a baby before you know for sure if the name is right."

Nesta didn't think she'd be able to "meet a baby"—surely they would just be...the same as the rest of the small children she saw at the clinic or around town. Babies, she felt, all looked the same, and even if they were older and had developed their own features, they weren't very diverse personality-wise.

Not that she didn't like children. She remembered a vague feeling of excitement being told that she was going to have a new baby sister—Feyre, she couldn't remember Elain's birth—and she had liked to play with her, when she was a young girl. But there had not been very many babies for her to interact with during her teenage and adult years.

This was ridiculous. She didn't need to dwell on this so much. She probably wasn't going to keep them, right? That was why it didn't matter that Cassian still had not written back. It wasn't...he didn't need to know, if neither of them wanted anything to do with this. Because he did not want children either, obviously. He was...busy.

"Maybe it'll look different when it dries," Zeyn said, interrupting her thoughts.

"What? Oh, yes...sky's a bit darker."

"Hmm," he said, frowning. "You know...I really don't see it."

Nesta shrugged.

Zeyn clapped his hands together. "Well, as fun as staring at paint dry is..." he grinned at her. "Want to go for dinner? Jamal's?"

And she was certain that Sugar Valley etiquette demanded humoring the person who spent the afternoon doing handiwork at your house, so she said, "Sure."

---

February 12 - 4 years after

It is just past noon when Nesta sees Zeyn again, at the shop, coffee and pastry in hand.

"Hey!" he says. "You're all right? Ollie's...?"

"Fine," she says, unable to stop her grin. "The healer gave us a tonic for him to take over the next few weeks. She said that he might need it now and again, but as long as he takes it when he does, she sees no reason to expect significant deterioration. He'll probably be on par with his siblings by the time he turns twelve." Nesta's heart sings as she repeats the healer's words.

Zeyn pulls her in a hug. "Let's tell Miri and Adil. They're in the back."

"Oh, I'm actually not staying long. I just came to let you know we're all right...and give you this," she adds, holding out the food. "Thank you so much. How were Avery and Nicky?"

"Fine," he says. "We had fun."

Nesta rolls her eyes. "Don't tell me."

"I wasn't going to," he teases. "It's a secret."

"You four and your secrets," she says, rolling her eyes again.

He shakes his head, eyes still laughing at her. "Are you taking him back to nursery?"

"No, we're going to let him rest. We think it also might be nice to spend some time with just him, the both of us. We're thinking—" Nesta stops herself. Zeyn does not need to know how she and Cassian plan to spend time with each child individually, he does not need to hear this. "He's just so tired," she finishes.

But the damage is done and the warmth slips out of Zeyn's face. He looks down at the order from Samir's. "Nesta," he says, soft, slow. "Are you really doing this with him?"

She freezes. "Zeyn. He's their father. He has a right to be included in this."

"I'm not talking about that...and I don't agree with you on that matter, either."

Nesta raises an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"He wasn't there, Nesta," Zeyn says, more desperate than anything else. "He just—you had to do it all without him."

"I can't believe you're starting this right now," she says, more to herself than to him. Louder, she says, "I will not discuss this. He's here now. He's a part of their lives now. He was with me today."

"He's here when it fits his schedule."

"There's nothing wrong with having a job," she defends—defends! As if she doesn't hate that he commands the Night Court armies!

"Yours and his are not comparable," he says. "Do you remember...what it was like? What it felt like?" Zeyn stops, takes a shaky breath, before continuing. "Because I remember seeing you. In pain. Burdened. All alone."

"That's enough," Nesta snaps, crossing her arms. "It's been months, Zeyn. He's a permanent fixture of their lives. You ought to get used to it."

"Oh, I'm used to that," he says, about as close to testy as Zeyn can get. "It's his being a permanent fixture of your life I can't get behind."

Nesta tenses. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nesta. Please."

She shifts her weight backwards. If he were anyone else...but he's not. He's Zeyn. Zeyn, who has always been there for her, to the very best of his ability, who left his house at dawn this morning to feed and dress her children.

So she takes a deep breath. "I need to be getting back, Zeyn," she says.

He slumps slightly, but she knows this isn't over. "Give my love to Ollie," he says.

"I will."

"Thanks for the food."

"Don't be silly...thank you. Really."

"Don't thank me."

"Well, I will if I see fit. Thank you."

It works—he gives a short laugh. But it doesn't meet his eyes.

She doesn't have space, though, in her head or heart for that right now. Not Zeyn; not that she doesn't have any room for him. But right now...right now she needs to go to Ollie.

---

thank you all for your patience with this chapter, and @thestarwhowishes for betaing<3 would love to hear what y’all think<3

---

Chapter Twenty

[pebblysand]

[writing rant - on the monetisation of fanfiction]

a couple of months ago, when i updated my long fic, one of the people on the comments wrote to me the nicest possible review (one of the ones that you keep in your feel-good 'saved' emails - you know the ones), which, amongst other things also said: 'If I could pay you for this...believe me, I would.'

in the moment, i kind of smiled and laughed, and thanked the person for their kind words before moving on with my life. yet, since then, i have to admit that this sentence has kind of been living rent-free in my head. i think it is also because since diving back into fandom a few months ago, i've noticed something that kind of shocked me at first: more and more fanfiction writers seem to be monetising (or attempting to monetise) their craft.

now, back when i started writing fanfic, we wrote fanfic on ffnet and livejournal. it was accepted that thou shalt never (ever) charge money for your writing or else the author and their mean, angry lawyers will come after you for damages and you will die a slow and painful death. we wrote disclaimers at the start of all of our posts and thanked the gods every day when we did not get sued.

i have seen this change gradually over the years. first, in the mid 2010s, the disclaimers went. then, i noticed that people were getting 'tipped' for fanart, sometimes even charging commission. from what i understand (though, don't quote me on this, i'm not an ip lawyer and this post is not intended as legal advice), this is because the way the concept of fair use is framed under us law makes it easier to monetise fanart than it does fanfiction. maybe this is why visual artists came first on this trend. later still (and more recently) i've noticed fanfic writers, doing the same thing.

to be fully honest, the first thought i had when i saw this trend, considering the fear of god (and his lawyers) that was instilled in me in the past, was: how on earth is this even possible? (i'll come back to that in a bit). the second, though, was: fuck, i wish i had the guts to do that, lol.

because, yeah, i will admit, the idea of getting paid for writing what i love to write does appeal, to a certain extent. i won't lie. dear fanfiction writers who've tried to do that recently: i one hundred per cent get it.

looking back at the last fifteen years, i would say that for me, writing fanfiction has been (in terms of time commitment and energy consumed) the equivalent of having an on-and-off part time job. a job that i have held for one or two years at a time, then quit for a while, before coming back to it when i needed (wanted) it again. i obviously can't realistically give you a number re:the actual total of hours i have spent at this since i started out, but i can give you an idea. recently, i started clocking my hours out of interest and calculated that a chapter of my current long fic takes roughly between one hundred to two hundred hours to produce (and they're around 10,000 words). at that rate, i'm probably working 20 hours a week-ish? sometimes more, sometimes less? something as small as a three-sentence fic (like this for instance), takes roughly two/three hours. i'll be honest, i have cancelled plans to write fic. when i'm working on a long project, i do tend to organise my life to give myself the time to write, so i opt for socialising after work during the week rather than on weekends, as i've found this is when i write best. i won't lie: it is - for me (i know some people write quicker, bless them) - a huge time suck.

so, yeah, i understand, in the capitalist society we live in, wanting to make that time count. our world has unfortunately, repeatedly taught us that time is money and getting more does seem like a nice bonus (as long as you have an audience for your art that's willing to pay, obviously). after all, year after year, i've seen a lot of my friends try and monetise their passions as side hustles, with varying success. at first, glance, i look at the time i spend on writing fanfiction and think: man, i wish i could get a bit back from that too. i couldn't even draw a stick figure to save my life but i assume that the time commitment and energy put into that kind of work is roughly similar for visual fanartists as well. i thus very much understand the sentiment, both with fanart and fanfiction.

additionally, though i appreciate this is a bit tangential, the fact that fanfiction is free, i would argue, hinders its potential to be as representative as it could be. it's a bit sad because on the one hand, the fact that it is free makes it completely accessible to the masses but on the other, it makes fanfiction quite exclusive to rich, privileged people who can afford to spend the time and energy putting content out for free. if i spend this much time writing fanfiction, just because i like it and it makes me happy, it's because my full time job pays me enough to cover my bills. if it didn't, i probably would have to forgo writing and get a proper side gig. if you look at my periods of inactivity on ao3, those also kind of coincide with the times in my life when i had to have more things going on to put food on the table.

so, now, assuming that monetisation is a thing that, as a fic writer, one might want to look at, the next question is: how do you go about monetising it? obviously, the law hasn't changed since the days where we were all terrified of getting sued (although enforcement has been quite lax over the years) so it's more about finding workarounds around the law as it is, rather than actively seeking payment for fanart.

from what i've seen: two main solutions seem to exist.

first, there's the tipping/buy-me-coffee technique. as i understand it, this involves either setting up a page on one of the dedicated websites or just putting up your paypal account link on your tumblr posts. with these links, people can then send you however much money they want (however much money they can afford/think you deserve?) on a one-off basis. they're not actually paying for fanfic because there is no actual exchange of services, it's basically like them giving money to charity, except that charity is a fanfic writer/ fan artist whose work they enjoy.

there are two main issues i see with this: one, legally, i'm not sure how much ground this actually holds. assuming you're quite prolific/successful, if every time you're producing new content, you receive dozens of tips, although you're not actively charging for your fanart, making the argument that your content isn't what these people are actively paying for seems hard. imo, the fact that this method sort of holds is that realistically, you're going to make very little out of this. even if you're really good, you might make what? a couple hundred dollars. now, sure, that's a lot of money for a lot of people but in the grand scheme of things, no one sues anyone for such a low amount. as long as you're not making 'proper' money from it, it is highly unlikely that anyone would come after you.

this being said, the second issue, from my perspective, is that this is not in any way, shape or form, a reliable income. it also does not represent, at all, the cost of the time and investment actually put into said fanfiction (or fanart, i assume). for example: if you're going to tip someone who's worked on something for, say, fifty hours, ten dollars, that's very good of you, but that isn't going to be 'worth' their time. it is only worth their time if tipping is done at as scale, which imo is quite unlikely considering you're putting your content out for free anyway. there are kind souls who will tip you, but not that many, meaning that ultimately, you're not working for free anymore, but you're still working at a huge loss.

additionally, because this income is not even reliable on a monthly/weekly basis, it isn't something that anyone can actually rely on, even if only to fund their coffee habit. it's nice to have, don't get me wrong, but from my perspective, is the legal risk outlined above worth the trouble for the $20/30 tips i'd get every once in a while - not really. such low amounts also don't help diminish the class issue that i talked about earlier. again, if you're going to spend fifty hours on something, you might as well work a minimum wage job - even that will pay you more and will be dependable.

second, there's patreon (and patreon-like sites). here, the income is monthly, people pledge on a subscription basis, which does solve the last point above. it might not be much, but at least it's regular.

the main issue i see with patreon is that it is contingent on the author providing more services on top of what they already provide. in most cases, the author will keep putting their usual content out for free + provide their patreons (depending on tiers) with more content, specifically for them. this, to me, makes this scheme even less appealing than the previous one because a) if i can't provide fanfic to potential patreons (again, you can't sell fanfic), i'm not sure what on earth i could give them (original content? that's not really the same market) and b) that's even more work on my plate. honestly, considering the amount of time i already spend writing fanfic, i have neither the energy nor the willpower to provide extra content for an amount that, regardless, will probably pay me less than a part-time job would. again, you'd have to scale this (i.e. have enough patreons) to make it all worth your while, and even in very big fandoms, even for someone waaaaay more successful than me, i doubt it would be likely.

lastly, as a side note, both of these "methods" are solely accepted if they occur on tumblr/writer's own website, rather than on the writer's ao3 page/fic. there was a post going around explaining why that is (nutshell: it endangers ao3's status as a non-profit archive) but as with all things, i seem to have lost it. [if you do have the link to that post/know what i'm talking about, hit me up and i'll rectify this]. this, regardless, supposes driving traffic from wherever you post your fics towards tumblr/your own website which, again, decreases your chances of scaling this.

so, in the end, where does that leave us?

i think, at this point, we've kind of reached a crossroad. ultimately, i see two ways to look at this:

option one: if you believe that fanfiction writers should be paid for their art, you also probably agree that the methods outlined above, while they do offer some sort of solution, are less than ideal. the ideal solution (for this option) would obviously be to allow fanfiction authors to be properly paid for the publication of their work through 'normal' publishing/self-publishing deals, without the need for a licence from the author (bar - perhaps - the payment of royalties). that would create a proper 'market' for fanfiction, treating it as any other form of writing/art form. it would mean a complete overhaul of the laws currently in place, but why not? ultimately, in a democracy, laws are meant to be changeable.

this being said, though, while my personal knee jerk reaction would be to shout 'hurray!' at this solution, i do not actually think i want this. or, maybe, only part of me does. the part of me who has been writing fanfiction for free for fifteen years is like 'hey, yay, maybe i could get paid!'. but then, there is another part of me that would like, maybe, one day, to write more original fiction (i already do a bit, but not much). that part of me is feels frankly a bit icky about giving up her ip rights.

would i be comfortable with people writing fanfiction of my original work? hell yes. that would be the dream. imagine having your own ao3 fandom, omg. however, would i be comfortable with people profiting from writing fanfiction of my work? honestly, i'm not sure. to me, the answer to that is: it depends (how much time investment was put in? how original the concept is? etc.) which, in fact, kind of brings us back to the current concept of licensing. and yes, maybe the current frame imposed by copyright law has also shaped the way i view the concept of property, and maybe i should be more of a communist, free-for-all kind of person, but unfortunately, i'm not that revolutionary.

also, and slightly tangentially, i find it interesting how profiting from fanficition/fanart is seen as more acceptable i certain fandoms rather than in others. taking the hp fandom for instance, even prior to jkr expressing her views on transgender rights, i often read things like: 'ah, she's so rich anyway, she doesn't need the money.' now, that argument has not only gained traction but is also reinforced by: 'ah, she's the devil and i don't want to fund her. it'd rather give my money to fanfic authors/buy things on etsy.'

while i completely understand the sentiment and do not, in any way, shape or form, support jkr's views, i do find that argument quite problematic. if you set the precedent that because someone is too rich, or because they've expressed views you disagree with, you don't believe that they should be entitled to their own intellectual property rights, i do wonder: where does this stop? this being justified for jkr could lead to all sorts of small artists seeing other people stealing/profiting from their original work without authorisation. 'i don't pay you 'cause i disagree with you,' would then act as a justification, with i find highly unfair. the fact of the matter is: jkr created hp. knowing that, the choice of buying hp products, regardless of her opinions is completely and entirely yours, but buying the same stuff unlicensed, from people who are infringing on her copyrights seems, to me, very problematic as this could potentially be scaled to all artists. either we overhaul the entire copyright system or we don't, but making special cases is dangerous, in my humble opinion.

option two: we choose to preserve copyright law as it is, for the reasons outlined above. this means that most people will not get paid for the content they put out and that the few that do will operate on a very tight, legal rope, and work for tips that are a 'nice bonus' but not a proper pay. this sort of perpetuates the idea that fanfiction is 'less than' other art forms, because in our capitalist society, things that don't generate money (things often made by women, may i add) are not seen as being as valuable as things that do.

for me, personally, while getting paid to write fanfiction sounds lovely (and makes my bank account purr) in theory, i think i side to preserve the current system. as an artist, i think that intellectual property protects us and our concepts from being ripped off by others, including by big companies who might find it handy to steal a design, a quote, anything, without proper remuneration. this is even more important for smaller artists who wouldn't necessarily have the means to defend their craft otherwise.

this being said, i do appreciate that it depends on why you're writing fanfiction. i think that topic probably deserves a whole different post in its own right but ultimately, most people write fanfic because it's fun. we know it's for fun, and not for profit. and if that's the case, then we're okay to receive compliments, reblogs and sometimes, for some people a little bit of an awkward tip for our work. for me, fanfic has been a space to make friends, to get feedback, to learn and to experiment without the pressure of money being involved. that's why i don't particularly mind doing it for free, and wouldn't even bother setting up a patreon or tip-me jar. i love being able to do it just for the enjoyment of myself and my five followers (lol), without worrying about scaling it, or making it profitable. not every part of our lives, not every passion has to be profitable. as we say in ireland, you do it 'for the craic' and nothing else.

this, though, as i already said, also depends on your means and level of privilege. to me, writing for free is fantastic and a bloody relief - it means being able to do exactly what i want. original fiction writing is full of rules, and editors, and publishers. in fanfic, i can write whatever i feel like, and i'm willing to forgo a salary in exchange of that freedom. again, i have a full time job that covers my bills. this does mean, though, that i don't have as much time to dedicate to writing as i would like to.

and also, the thing is: i'm a small author. i happily write in my own little niche. bar that one comment, it is highly unlikely that anyone would actually want to pay me (or even tip me) for my content. but when you look at very successful people, like the author of all the young dudes, i could see how they'd want to get paid for their art, and why they'd feel differently.

bottom line for me is: the flaws of the current systems of remuneration combined with my strong belief in copyright law as a means to protect small, original creators, means that i don't really think it would be right for me to get paid for fanfic, even if i was the kind of person who had the market for it. whilst it would be nice, this very long rant has, hopefully, explained why.

[princessanneftw]

Livestream the summer solstice: my big survival plan for English Heritage

The charity is set to lose as much as £70 million this year, but its chairman, Princess Anne’s husband, Tim Laurence, won’t be beaten, he tells Richard Morrison of The Times.

Watching the sun rise at Stonehenge on the summer solstice, seeing those ancient stones perfectly aligned to the first rays of dawn; that has to be one of the world’s most magical heritage experiences. In any normal year more than 20,000 people, not all of them card-carrying druids, would gather to see it.

There’s nothing normal, though, about this year. On June 21 the 4,500-year-old monument will be deserted — by government decree. Instead, English Heritage (EH) will live-stream sunrise at Stonehenge. In the words of Tim Laurence, EH’s chairman, it will be a “self-isolating solstice”. And he’s doing his best to put a brave face on it. “For once the stones will be totally peaceful,” he says. “And nobody has to get up at 3am and get very cold.”

True, but if any one event symbolised how much coronavirus has wrecked Britain’s cultural calendar, this “self-isolating solstice” is surely it. That must be particularly painful for Laurence. Just turned 65, he had a highly successful career in the Royal Navy, where he ended up as a vice-admiral. And by the royal family’s eventful standards he enjoys a remarkably untroubled private life as Princess Anne’s husband. He took on EH in 2015 with instructions from government to wean it off public subsidy (which is being tapered down from £15.6 million a year in 2016 to nothing by 2023) and turn it into a self-supporting charity. And until two months ago he seemed to be steering his sprawling new ship very well.

“We’d had five terrific years,” he says. “We now have over a million members. Last year we had 6.4 million visits to our 420-odd sites. And from starting off in a negative financial position when we took the charity on, we had built up a financial reserve. So we were able to invest in some brilliant projects. We spent £3.6 million restoring Iron Bridge in Shropshire, which now looks fantastic and is secure for another century — despite all the terrible flooding on the Severn — and £5 million to build the new bridge to Tintagel Castle in Cornwall, which provides a much better visitor experience.”

Then the pandemic struck. Along with every other heritage organisation, EH closed all its staffed properties on March 19 (though 200 free-to-roam landscapes remained open). “We have to put this into perspective,” Laurence says. “Our problems are very significant, but as nothing compared to the challenge facing the health and care sectors.” Nevertheless, the result of what Laurence calls “putting everything into mothballs” has been, he admits, “a very serious loss of income”. He won’t put a figure on it, claiming with reason that the situation is too fluid, but even if all of EH’s recovery plans go well the charity seems set to lose between £50 million and £70 million this year. And if coronavirus refuses to be subdued, the outcome could be far worse.

In the context of the £200 million loss apparently run up by the National Trust in the past two months, EH’s problems might seem minor. Unlike the National Trust, however, EH doesn’t have £1.3 billion of reserves stashed away for a rainy day.

It didn’t help that lockdown started just before Easter, the precise moment when many heritage attractions traditionally open for the summer. EH has lost not only millions of paying visitors, but also the revenue they generate in its shops and tearooms. Laurence also decided to offer a three-month extension of subscriptions to the million-plus supporters, who are paying £63 a year for individual membership, or £109 a year for a family. “We wanted to thank them for staying with us,” he explains, “and to recognise that they aren’t getting as much value as normal out of their membership.” Probably a necessary public-relations move, especially in view of the reported mass exodus of members from the National Trust, but it put another big dent in EH’s revenues.

Those members haven’t been entirely deprived of EH’s services. Like many cultural organisations, EH has had a big surge in online visitors during lockdown. “Things like Victorian cookery lessons from Audley End [near Saffron Walden in Essex] or dance lessons for VE Day are getting massive attention this year,” Laurence says. So, he hopes, will an 80th-anniversary online commemoration of Dunkirk, designed to retell the story of the evacuation via a daily Twitter feed. That will provide a virtual experience for the thousands who would otherwise have visited Dover Castle, one of EH’s most popular sites, from where D-Day was masterminded.

Yet even the most vivid online experience can’t compensate for the visceral excitement of a physical visit to a dramatic historic site such as ghostly Witley Court in Worcestershire or the gaunt remains of Whitby Abbey. What if EH couldn’t reopen this year? Will there be another extension of membership? “I’d like to think that won’t happen,” Laurence replies. “We have a tentative date for reopening from government, and all our focus now is on getting things going again, rather than fearing the worst.”

That tentative date is July 4, but EH will take things slowly. “Our plan is to open a relatively small number of our staffed sites then, focusing on those that have lots of outdoor space,” Laurence says. “Stonehenge, for instance. The key is making sure that people feel safe, and we are putting in a huge amount of work — in close conjunction with other heritage bodies — to devise procedures to keep staff and visitors totally protected.”

One-way systems for visitors and PPE for staff? “Yes, and limiting visitor numbers, probably by having pre-booked time slots,” Laurence says. “I know it’s a bit of a bore for people, but I think visitors will appreciate the certainty of knowing they can get in. Then it’s about enabling social distancing to be maintained, and very high standards of hygiene wherever people have to touch things.”

Laurence won’t put a date on when a second wave of reopenings might happen. “The thing about the government’s guidance that I am most in tune with is the step-by-step approach,” he says. “We have to see what works and change it if it doesn’t.”

Is he convinced, though, that the public is ready to come back? Recent research suggests a high degree of fear about returning to any cultural activity. “Not everyone thinks the same way,” Laurence says. “What’s clear is that visiting places where there’s a degree of freedom and open air will be much more attractive than enclosed spaces at first. Of course we have a lot of enclosed spaces as well, so we have to find ways of overturning people’s reluctance to enter them.”

Even if people do flock back, however, EH is still left with an enormous black hole in its finances. The government is advancing funds that EH would be due to receive later this year, and there are discussions about bringing forward next year’s grant as well. These, however, are small sums (£8.8 million next year) compared with a possible £70 million loss. Will Laurence be asking for an additional bailout?

“It seems likely that we will be operating under [social distancing] limitations through the whole of this year and possibly next,” he says. “In that case, inevitably, our visitor income will be reduced. If we can’t get the income, we won’t be able to do all the conservation work and projects we’ve put on hold for the moment. Therefore we will have to ask government for more support.”

And an extra two or three years to be added on to EH’s planned transition from quango to independent trust? “That is also a discussion we need to have,” he says.

Could philanthropy help EH through its troubles? In the past five years Laurence has had some success at attracting private money, notably bagging a £2.5 million donation from Julia and Hans Rausing to help to build the Tintagel bridge. The trouble is that, as Laurence points out, “almost everyone who has got money to spare at the moment is thinking first about supporting health charities and care homes”. The Rausings’ recent decision to give nearly £20 million to charities tackling the pandemic is an obvious case in point. Nevertheless, if EH is to get back on track as an independent charity, it needs those big donors on board as well as the subscriptions of its million members.

Laurence spent his final navy years in charge of the Defence Estate, responsible for nearly 2,000 historically important buildings and monuments, so he was well aware of the challenges of conserving old buildings before joining EH. Even so, he admits he was a “slightly strange choice” to be its chairman. “I’m not an academic, not a historian, not an archaeologist,” he says. “Yet in some ways I represent a lot of our members. I’m a fascinated amateur. I absolutely love the history of this country. I love the sites we look after, and the story each tells.”

Tells to whom, though? The biggest challenge facing the whole heritage sector is arguably an urgent need to widen its demographic appeal. Can Laurence, in many ways the ultimate establishment insider, relate to that? Can he recognise that EH, like the National Trust, has an image problem? The perception that it’s a club for white middle-class people?

“There’s an element of truth in that,” he admits. “We are putting a great deal of effort into appealing more to — I hate using these categories — BAME [black and minority ethnic] people, who represent something like 14 per cent of the UK’s population. We have made a very strong statement by recruiting two outstanding representatives of those communities to our trustee board: David Olusoga [the historian] and Kunle Olulode [director of Voice4Change England]. They are helping our gradual transition towards being more appealing to non-white people. The important point is that we reflect not just the bricks-and-mortar history of England, but waves of immigration into this country over thousands of years. We have a story to tell to everybody.”

EH’s online output can be accessed through english-heritage.org.uk