#i have to keep telling myself the money will NOT magically appear in my bank account if i quit

[emyluwinter]

Twisted Wonderland "Director Crowley this is the Phantom Blot "

Time for crazy and interesting theories on the game "Twisted Wonderland"!

This article is based on a very little-known character from Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phantom_Blot

Next, I will base myself on this article and purely on my own Holmes-style speculations.

And he is Crowley!! ***

Hi! My name is San! Sorry for the mistakes my English is not very good. So let's start with the main character named "Phantom Blot" - already an interesting coincidence that overblots are sent to him. You can also call it " The Phantom Blob/Spot"

Can you already feel how it echoes from the very beginning? These are just flowers. Keep your slippers on it will be more interesting. The article says that this villain is "one of the most dangerous enemies of Mickey Mouse and repeatedly threatened the life of the mouse" The phantom appeared only in the story, and then migrated to Italian comics.He is little known and not sure if anyone knows him at all.

So Crowley is constantly throwing the МС in danger. He doesn't think a student without magic can get hurt at all.Indeed, the director has a bird's brain. What could have gone wrong in college with a bunch of hormonal/emotional / mentally unstable teenagers?

I won't mention all the cases...

(From the Phantom, by the way, they made a "Shadow spot" for the game, which is so fond of discussing where/who/why in their theories on here.) At the beginning of the story, Mickey hires Chief O'Hara to catch a criminal-who seems to steal only CAMERAS. "these are special type cameras and smashes them on the spot."

Who gave MC the ghost SPECIAL camera?Crowley! if you also stole it in the piggy bank of your not very reasonable actions.

"in some stories, the Ghost Spot appears in a mask only during the commission of a crime or does not appear in a mask throughout the story" - the only one of all the characters who wore a mask is the Director and he has not yet shown " his face"

Let's move on.

"The Phantom prefers to pull the strings, rather than take direct part." - what is it that cuts us so much in the eyes as not Crowley's excessive inaction? Tyranny in the dorm-I will hold a duel, but I will not lift a finger for a peaceful settlement of the situation. A mysterious increase in casualties in front of magifts between dormitories? - Leave it to MC and Grimm alone to find out,and let them sort it out. Seriously, Crowley could have guessed that those who have a grudge against it and who are trying the most will be harmed.

Taking literally into slavery under the terms of the contract under 225 students. He could have closed this shop,but then he was blackmailed by Azul. Beat him by the same method, because Crowley often mentioned that MC owes him a lot.

Seriously, Azul, I want to know what you got on him?!? (╮°-°)╮┳━━┳ ( ╯°□°)╯ ┻━━┻

Crowley literally left an entire dorm unattended over the winter break. That he didn't have more than one notification from his brain in his head that this was a so-so idea?

(I'm sorry about Vil, I won't say anything, everything is more adequate there than in other dorms.)

"During his career, the Phantom steals large sums of money and invests them in business." - if the fact that he transferred one of the RICHEST students from the RSA to his NRC after two months of starting his studies, you are also stressed, then welcome.

(How did he even pull this off?who knows) "a skilled hypnotist and sometimes uses this skill to get others to follow his orders" - not the second Jamil Viper, but definitely makes all the work for himself to do.

No, Cruel, don't even try to say in your voice lines that he works hard.

Crowley gives Kruel at least some salary (I hope that a good one otherwise I can not imagine that such as Kruel fashion guru worked for a penny)

For his salary+vacation pay and other financial frauds, Сruel can say whatever he wants, just like the others.

(Maybe Crowley's blackmailing the teachers, too?)

They didn't tell us, they didn't show us,they didn't mention us, but we know for sure that the teachers seem to take into account the opinion of Principal Crowley. (Well, or try not to see bird brains in their manual)

"The Phantom Blob/The spot even ordered Mickey himself to act like a criminal to frame him" - that's the phrase that bothers me the most. Because there is no guarantee that if MC wins with the gang and Diazomnia(everything is very bad if they are already with us)

Then Director Crowley, out of the goodness of his heart, can blame everything on MС. The reasons? If Mc hadn't gotten into the NRC, Grimm wouldn't have snuck into the ceremony, wouldn't have set Kalim's trousers on fire, wouldn't have caused all this trouble for others. Maybe it would have crawled through the other way, but we don't know for sure. Grimm didn't go after any other student, but the MC.What would stop him from blackmailing anyone else by threatening to burn them alive?

The MC is partly to blame for what happened.

Overblots-wherever the Mc and the first-year gang interfere, they occur. Yes, MS for the most part does not affect the plot, but this is not entirely true.

Ace wouldn't have burned down the Queen statue if Grimm and MC weren't on the main street. There would be no punishment, no escape, and no broken chandelier.

Ace wouldn't have come back to his dorm late at night and stolen the cake. The entire tie would not have happened if 1. MC would stop Ace right away 2. Calm down both Ace and Grimm. 3. They wouldn't be there.

Logical, isn't it?

And so in every chapter, just think about it.

Raggi would not have fallen asleep out of stupidity(for lunch for the main lion in the area, I sleep all the time I don't know anything my hut is on the edge) would not have given out his unique magic.They wouldn't have found the culprit that way.

Although what prevented him from eliminating the MC in the first couple in the same way is still a mystery. (No not Riddle) Because of MC, the entire Azul system collapsed. If this student without magic hadn't gone to rescue his troubled friends, the slaves of Azul would have continued to grow in terrifying numbers.

Seriously, Director, for the third time in a row, did nothing bother you at all?

Give MC a vacation and a scholarship.. In Scarabia, Jamil would have quietly kicked Kalim out, and who would have dealt with it? Well, an incompetent headman, well, ok.

Apparently, they do not bother with this at all, according to the principle of either do everything perfectly, or dump.

Because of the Mc, the sea bandits-mafia-rob-your-hut-and-leave-no-tips-have come.

And Jamil's whole plan went to hell and was sunk in one fell swoop.

He could have made the Mc a puppet from the start, as he had with Kalim, but it was more like he couldn't physically keep two of them chained up at once.

With all due respect, the head of the Pomfiore showed that Vil may be a strict, pedantic headman,but he is the most adequate. Did the students complain about him?(except for Epel) Did someone say that it's hard for them in the dorm? None of them.

Well, if only the Rook is a little alarming to everyone. But show at least one student from the characters who would not strain others and would be a good boy. Don't you remember? And me, too. MC is involved, but only a small part. He kind of saw what was going on with Vil and he had a "vision", he could just talk to our beautiful villain (with makeup that costs like my neighborhood.) and stop it all.

That's the way it is.

Based on the above, don't you think that those who will see all this, first of all, will believe the Director with a reputation and connections(they definitely exist otherwise how did he nestle there is another secret) or a teenager from nowhere with vague and unclear information?

Grimm ate black stones under the" eye " of the Mc, and will turn into a monster. It's not even a spoiler already everyone knows about it. THIS IS NOT an OVERBLOT for a minute. This is a full-fledged chimera with fire and the power of 7 mages(one of which is in the top of the strongest) + the power of the grimm + the power of that monster from the mine.

We look forward to a chthonic up in battle against this chimera.I have a theory of how Ms will gain magic, but if you are interested, I will tell you this theory. There is a cartoon "Fantasy" involved"

Back to the topic, who would believe that Grimm didn't deliberately devour all the stones to avoid becoming one of the most powerful magicians in history?

The director can leave on the fact that he" out of the kindness of his heart " saved his poor students from this nightmare. In fact, he didn't even move his pen. From what we can see, the Director will be believed, but MC with a stretch and then I do not think that in addition to the gang of first-year students, someone will stand up. Again, the Director can raise the topic with blackmail and threaten to exclude. And they will have to choose to break their life and dream or save a non-magical student.

"The Phantom of the Blob" has a good acting talent " - Crowley can very inappropriately burst into tears, as if overplaying excessively. Well, I don't believe in his sincere tears on every occasion.

"The Phantom has some scientific knowledge (mainly in physics, mechanics, and biology), and he often used it in his plans. He has invented various devices that he uses as weapons. "

"He claims to have an artistic nature and has considerable painting skills, which he uses to create fakes of famous works of art. Later, he steals the original and leaves his copy." - there is no guarantee that he did not steal the mirror of the beautiful Queen and disguised it as a "dark mirror" and the original was simply replaced or safely forgotten about it. "he has ways to get information about everything that happens in the city, and even from the police department" - his beak is shown in every problem or conflict, but does nothing.

"The Phantom's ways of persuading others to follow him include using their own greed, promising them the means of revenge, or blackmailing them" - mentioned above. Transferred to his college Kalima, because of the money, cares about his reputation more than about the safety and life of students.

"He likes to seduce citizens who have no criminal record, to act as his agents." - MC and Grim, Grim is seduced by the promised he is led, Ms has to agree. I do not think that MC is burning with a direct desire to rake everything every time.

"Quite well versed in psychology and very adept at sowing fear among his victims, causing them to doubt their relationships and (in some cases) even their own sanity. He often uses their vanity to turn them into pawns." "He's an escape master." - escapes at any convenient time for his feathered buns. I won't even list all the times.

"Some of his plans do not bring him monetary benefits, but their goal is to sow fear among the public and strengthen his reputation." - his wild desire to be the first, and defeat the RSA also shows this.

"The French translators often took liberties with the Italian material and apparently decided that the appearance of the Ghostly Spot without his cloak and mask should be classified as an image of a completely different character" - does not a single feathered one resemble?

The article also mentions a series of "Mouse House" about how the Phantom kidnapped everyone and all the evidence pointed to Mickey and he even began to " doubt himself" From the pile of text that you just read, did it occur to you that there are too many intersections with Director Crowley?

My theory is that the Director is based on a Phantom Blob/The spot. And it has an almost black-and-white color palette unlike the others. And if you think about it, the colors of the dormitories form a rainbow. Seriously, all the colors match.

Except for Onboro, it has no color or any affiliation. This is a reference to Disney's "House of Ghosts" series.(or...Maybe white?)

That's the end of my crazy, long theory about Director Crowley. The plot will hopefully show us whether I'm right or not.

And when episode 6 comes out, who knows, I'm not getting any younger here. = 3= Thank you for reading my theory!

[ladyyatexel]

I Finished A Manga

And watched a movie. Once again tucked under a read more for your comfort and convenience and existing likely only for the entertainment of myself and @anthropwashere

what the fuck

My impression of the final arc of the manga is that the author had to find a way to best wrap every dumb thing he'd ever come up with in several layers of plastic wrap in order to appear as though it was one whole. Since it's plastic wrap, eventually you can't tell what it's holding together anymore, how many pieces there are, etc, but if you start unravelling, you are left with Holy Fuck What On Earth Was That. This is weirdly also not a criticism, I guess. If I had to retcon everything I'd done for ten years with the knowledge that the old stuff was already public and printed in thousands of books, I'd have to make a saran wrapped pretzel with an ankh on it too.

I dislike Kaiba even more now! This arc did not help my feelings about him in the slightest, especially since he was basically a cop.

also gonna go with a hard No on the Blue Eyes White Dragon Plot Device Woman, no no no yikes, what the Fuck

I think if even One Person had said, 'wow the monsters in our souls look like nothing from our world' then how mismatched they were from the trappings of Allegedly Egypt would not have been so jarring for me

Egyptian names filtered through Japanese filtered through English, hooboy

Appreciated actually being able to read the Pharaoh's name before he yelled it out.

"The mummy is playing the game with us." I'm sorry, w hat

Playing card game as the NPCs in table top RPG of a dead king's memories on top of a diorama made by Satan's landlord body because he likes making models and his dad owns a museum while an ancient pendant hangs like a disco ball designed to project realistic versions of ancient mythology soul fighting Satan in a trenchcoat and changing but also not changing the fabric of reality maybe????

Everyone's father has the same goatee, and I think 80% of the fathers we know about get murdered (by their own children!), so now I'm left with wonderings about the author's father as well as his shoe collection.

I don't. I don't think we needed Zorc, or really any of the extra souls in the Ring? I feel like the rage of the sole survivor of a concentrated slaughter/genocide could have been enough and more interesting.

Got the eerie feeling I was supposed to be sympathizing with or relating to the Pharaoh and his Priests, but I was firmly on the side of 'revenge on society for melting the bodies of everyone I've ever known down into magical jewelry' man. I mean, he's part of the Bakura Cinematic Universe, so of course I'm biased, I guess, but I was sitting there like, "Why are you booing him? He's right!" the whole time. I guess dragging the king's father's corpse across the floor was a dick move and is probably why we needed to extra manhunt for this dude, but I feel like I could have been spared like a dozen pages of indecipherable monster explosions if someone had just been like 'fuck, hold the ancient egyptian phone, we maybe owe this dude some airing of grievances, the mass murder was bad form'

speaking of the phone, Ancient Egyptian Bound Book was what made me put it down for several minutes. After everything else I endured, that it was not a fucking scroll of papyrus just shattered what will power I had to continue pretending it was Egypt. Not the dragons, or the stupid hair, or 'why are we all trying to murder the war orphan who is justifiably pissed as fuck', the Book.

Walk Walk Fashion Baby. Everyone wearing cute fucking slippers and excessive amounts of rad ankle bracelets and pinkie rings. Yeah, I'll take that, you all look cute as hell at least from the knees down.

Pharaoh trying to get out of a bad situation by appealing to Yami Bakura's commitment to staying in character while RPing, thank you, what a good. Movie stuff , that is, the Dark Side of What The Fuck Is Happening Movie:

I'm glad Yugi grew up, look at him go! He got taller to fit all his new confidence in himself. Also, Fashion. We love a choker and black shirt.

Many people got to Fashion! Love alternate wardrobe options.

Kaiba continues to Get Worse??????? I understand that he's a fan favorite, I just think whatever makes him appealing to everyone else makes me want to see him get punched in the throat. So every time I felt like the narrative and the visuals wanted me to think he'd gotten more badass, I was yelling "WHY" at the screen. He just seems like a tyrant dictator with too much money. That is everyone else's speed just like mine is homicidal revenge and dead things, I guess.

I suffered from not understanding who or why the fuck until like the last ten minutes, despite the thoroughness of my immersion in this weirdly specific hell for two weeks. Also, despite saying it was a manga continuation, it clearly was banking on you knowing more shit about the anime/real life card game than I ever knew, so I spent a long time either confused about what the fucking stakes were with Aigami/Diva (...why did he even need two names???? what purpose did that serve???) or bored as hell (Kaibaaaaaa).

Yay, Bakura for like five minutes, though. Even though the narrative and everyone in it only cares about him as plot vessel. He comes back from another dimension in the middle of a fucking stadium and no one is like 'shit, dude, what happened over there?' We are focused on the card game. The last thing he was doing was breaking the fuck down over things he'd blacked out, but Yugi is playing a cardgame while Kaiba insults him at the presentation of the new iPhone, so fuck off I guess. His voice actress getting some time to do Evil Laugh is always appreciated, though.

Bakura didn't even get to express a generic post gradation goal like everyone else, why do you guys even hang out with him or take him anywhere then

I feel like vinegar about this.

Mokuba being voiced by a 77 year old lady is just fantastic news to me. Also, his haircut and suit, yes, good for him. Cute.

why was it a movie about another new rando though, just make a movie developing the cast you already have, why do we keep adding more tragic orphans

just to kill them, usually

Yu-Gi-Oh: where orphans and fathers with goatees go to die.

[penniesforthestorm]

Twin Peaks Recap, Extra Special Edition: “Fire Walk With Me: The Missing Pieces”

OK pals, here’s what’s up: I hadn’t planned on tracking down the rumored ‘missing pieces’ cut of Fire Walk With Me for this project, but as it turns out, the Criterion streaming site has it on the page for the film. If it was going to be that easy (I shelled out for a subscription as a birthday present to myself), I thought I might as well. Since it is essentially an edited-together collection of deleted scenes, it fits my usual note-taking style a little better than the film, which is an added bonus. If you’re looking for a reason to watch it beyond mere curiosity, it retroactively clarifies some details in the original series and the film, and sets up quite a bit of business for The Return (which I will be covering in the coming weeks, or...months...or whenever I get around to it...). Let’s dive in, shall we?

Part One: “Her name is Irene, and it is night. No need to make anything more out of it. There’s nothing good about it.”

-We open with Agents Desmond & Stanley leaving Teresa Banks’ autopsy. Stanley says, “I didn’t realize so many hours had passed.” Desmond doesn’t dignify this with a response. We see a little more of the Hap’s Diner scene; Desmond questions the guy in the entryway about Teresa--she had no friends, and/or never mentioned any, according to him.

-Desmond fistfights Sheriff Cable to persuade him to hand over Teresa’s body so they can take it to Portland. In Portland, we see a familiar face-- our own Dale Cooper, standing in the doorway of an office, talking to...Diane. Diane doesn’t answer, nor do we see her, but as far as I’m aware, this is the only moment in the original series that establishes Diane as a real person (beyond a margin of debate, which is settled in The Return...)

-Coop questions Agent Stanley, who shows him the ‘T’ they found embedded under Teresa’s fingernail.

-Another familiar face: Philip Jeffries, shown here at a hotel in (I assume) Miami. He asks the concierge if “Judy” is there, and takes a message. We flash to the room ‘above the store’, where the Man from Another Place is saying, “From pure air we have descended.”

-Jeffries appears in Philadelphia, in an extension of the scene from the film. He tells Gordon, “Judy is positive about this” and begins to explain. He mentions “the ring”, before laying his head down on Gordon’s desk and moaning in pain.

Part Two: “The Norwegians are coming!”

-Quite a bit here, but most notably, Sarah Palmer and Laura interacting like a relatively normal mother and daughter. Sarah even says, “You can tell me anything.” (Having been a teenage girl myself, let me just say this is rarely the comfort that people think it is...) Leland arrives, in buoyant spirits, telling them about the Norwegian delegation that’s coming to look at Ben Horne’s Ghostwood project. He teaches Laura and Sarah a Norwegian greeting, and it’s all...horribly...painfully...ordinary. That’s part of the tragedy, of course-- in a different world, the Palmers would have been a happy family.

-A few more glimpses into town life: Pete Martell (!!!) on the job at the Packard sawmill, helping Josie deal with the irate old banker upset that his 2x4s are not exact. (This reminded me of a story my mom, who works in a bank, told once-- a customer complained that he had measured his new checks with dental calipers, and they were noticeably thinner than the old ones, and how could they justify using such cheap paper...)

-At the RR, Ed & Nadine drop in for a cup of coffee, but Nadine runs out to avoid Norma, meanwhile, Norma gently nudges Shelley to help Laura with the Meals on Wheels. The diner is empty except for giggly Heidi nursing her bloody nose, and Norma sits down in a booth to cry.

-Laura, in shock from spying on Leland, runs to the Heywards. Donna brings her inside, and it turns out Eileen’s in the kitchen with a fresh batch of huckleberry muffins. Doc arrives, attempting a little magic trick with a red scarf. He teases Laura about her smoking, and she teases him back. She’s safe here, with these good people who love her...

-On the stairs at home, Laura has a vision of the Lodge. She’s brought out of it by Sarah, who looks noticeably disheveled. Laura and Sarah go into the living room, and Sarah keeps saying, “It’s happening again.” (In the timeline of the film, this is the night she dreams of the white horse...)

Part Three: “Looks like it’s just us girls.”

-Norma and Ed get snuggly in Ed’s truck!

-A clarification: in the film, it looks like Laura, Donna, the two johns, and Jacques just go into another part of the Roadhouse, or somewhere nearby, but this shows them driving some distance to another dive, clearly established as being on the Canadian border. The door to the back room has a sign: “The Power & the Glory.”

-we see Philip Gerard/the One-Armed Man sitting amongst a circle of candles, intoning, “Fire walk with me...”

-flashback to Teresa Banks’ liaisons with Leland; this is the most we see of her character, and she seems sharp and competent. After Leland bails, Teresa joins Laura and Ronette in the motel room, triumphantly waving the money. Then she calls up Jacques, asking him about Laura and Ronette’s fathers. Finally, a call to Leland, which unfortunately sets her fate.

-Forward again, to the Twin Peaks sheriff’s office. Joey, the biker with the curly hair, has alerted Hawk and Sheriff Truman that Bernard Renault is the one ferrying the cocaine across the border. I knew the bikers were important, especially once we see Joey at the Book House in S2.

Part Four: “Who am I talking to?”

-The morning after Bobby shoots the Deer Meadow deputy, he hands Laura the $10,000 to put in her safety deposit box. Later in the day, he discovers that the deputy gave them laxative powder.

-Laura gets a call from Dr. Jacoby, who tells her, “You’re going to have to deal with all of this,” and asks her for another tape.

-At the Briggs house, when Laura stops by, the Major is reading to Betty from the Book of Revelation while Bobby sulks in the basement. (I say this entirely as a compliment: Dana Ashbrook does some damn fine sulking in this series.) This plays more or less the same in the film-- Bobby saying to Laura, “You don’t want me; you want the blow, don’t you?” The thing is, Bobby’s a dreamer, and he’s quite upset that his fantasy has turned into a nightmare.

-Poor Margaret Lanterman, sitting alone in her house with the lights off, cradling the log as she hears the distant screams from the woods...

-”Some months later” we’re at Glastonbury Grove, then at Calhoun Memorial as Annie Blackburn, injured but alive, is rushed inside.

-in the Lodge, Cooper and the Man From Another Place are standing by the marble table, and the jade ring has vanished. “Someone else has it now,” the Man tells Coop. Annie, in recovery, repeats the speech from Laura’s dream. The nurse waves her hand in front of Annie’s face, but gets no response. She then steals the jade ring from Annie’s finger.

-Cooper/BOB, in the bathroom at the Great Northern, sinks to the floor as Doc Heyward and Harry burst in. They help him to his feet, and Doc tells him sternly, “You’re going right back to bed.” In a cold, flat voice, Cooper insists that he hasn’t brushed his teeth yet, and explains what happened. “It struck me as funny, Harry,” he growls, covered in blood.

The thing is, I don’t need to know everything. David Lynch and Mark Frost created a mystery; I’m not going to sit here and complain about not having the answers. But, in watching this full series again, I do want to pick up what I can, and now that I’ve seen this, I have more of an idea what I want to look for. So, onward and upward....

[one-leaf-grimoire]

“illusion” chapter 6

Link to the full work on Ao3

Warning: mention/use of alcohol and one particularly bad drug :(( 

Things aren't looking good. Only two days after my "date" with Lawrence, he sends me a letter, which is way sooner than he usually does. Shit! He must really be determined to marry me, now... I fold up the letter after I finish reading it at breakfast and shove it in my cloak out of sight. This could get tricky... I assumed his interest would slowly dwindle over time, leading to an amicable break up, but instead he seems to have had a sudden spike in interest. He's going to get more pushy... so I might have to end things myself.

The problem is, if I was the one to break it off, the fury of the Royal Family would come down on me and my parents. My father's inheritance and title depend on this marriage, so that fury could potentially ruin us. However, if I were to achieve the rank of Senior Magic Knight before that happened, then we would be safe with my salary. I'm pretty close now, I just have to keep working hard... it won't be long! Then I can tell Lawrence to leave me alone forever.

"Okay, there's plenty of work to do today! But-" Hervey points at us as we stand awkwardly around him in the mess hall. He has a couple missions for us, mostly just patrols and escorts typical of a highly-ranked squad like ourselves. "Everyone should be done by tonight, so if you want to go to town, all power to you."

A few of us cheer, excited for the fun night ahead. I'm not a big drinker, but it's still fun to go out with my friends and see them all get shit-faced. The townspeople love seeing us there, too, to hear our stories and take our money. Wren is probably going to try and hook up with some girls, and sadly will probably be successful. Those girls love a magic knight, that's for sure.

"...and... that's it for the main missions." Hervey finishes handing them out, leaving me and a few others without an assignment. "As for you junior knights, your performances have NOT been up to par lately. How are we going to beat the Crimson Lion Kings for the top squad if we have weak links like you?" The four junior knights mumble sorry and stare at the ground timidly. "Well, luckily for you, Julius is free today, so he'll be training you himself." Julius, who's standing right behind Hervey, gives us a smile and a wave.

"Really?" Cecilia's eyes light up while Martin and the other teen, Joren, both roll their eyes.

"I don't understand why I have to do this-" Nigel crosses his arms. "I'm 20! I shouldn't be slumming it with these kids-"

"Shut up, Nigel, you're still a Junior Magic Knight for a reason-" Hervey cuts him off.

"Er, but what about me?" I raise my hand awkwardly. "I'm an intermediate knight-"

"You're here to help me! I thought it would be fun." Julius answers before Hervey can, flashing me a smile of my own.

"Oh... okay!" I feel my heart flutter a little. He chose me? That's nice... It hasn't gone over my head, the fact that Julius has been choosing me to accompany him with things recently. I assume it just means that my efforts to befriend him are slowly but surely paying off. Maybe I can take advantage of this; after all, Julius has the ear of our captain, so my ascent to a higher rank could be easier than I thought. But even if not, I'm glad he's hanging around me more. If nothing else, I feel... safe, when he's around. There's been no suspicious activity from any of the others since the night of my attack, and I'm finally starting to relax.

Maybe everything will be alright, after all.

"Well, you heard the captain! I don't blame you guys, you're all young and new- er, most of you-" Julius shoots a subtle glance at Nigel after we move outside and he launches into his spiel. "But that just means you have plenty of room to grow! I haven't even seen some of your magic... so!" Julius suddenly balls up his hands excitedly and opens his eyes, which are violently sparkling. "Show me your magic!"

It's almost disturbing, seeing our vice captain get all twinkle-eyed about something, but that's how he's always been. I can even remember the first time I ever met him, several years ago, he ran up to me and asked the same thing. He was a little shorter and had longer hair, but still the same Julius. "Hey! Nice to meet you! Show me your magic!" It was pretty startling, to say the least, but he got more tempered over time as he took on more responsibility. But even now, he can't contain his excitement as Martin holds up his hand, shooting sharp shards of wood off into the bushes.

It's... kind of cute, honestly...

"Hey! Why don't you make some illusions for them to fight?"

I almost jump in surprise as Julius suddenly appears right next to me to jar me from my thoughts. "Huh? Oh, right-" I'm supposed to be helping him, not admiring him! I quickly open my Grimoire and conjure up four illusions for the junior knights to fight. "Hey! Can you give me one that's a little harder than the others?" Nigel asks, pointing at his.

"Sorry, I have to make them identical, especially since I'm making so many!"

"I'll spar with you, if you want!" Julius suggests.

Nigel goes pale and can't shake his head quick enough. "Never mind."

He raises his hands, letting a large bank of wispy smoke come out and engulf the "enemy" I made for him, which binds it in place. Of course, I could probably just move right through him, seeing as the only place the enemy actually exists is in his mind, but I'm doing my best to simulate a real person right now. "Smoke Magic: Tendril Binding!" Nigel smirks to himself as his spell seems to work.

"I'll break you out!" Cecilia suddenly opens her own Grimoire. "Refraction Magic!"

Cecilia's magic lets her create refraction planes in the air, which can redirect light, magic, and other materials. She uses it now to create a barrier around my illusion, sending Nigel's smoke away, right back at him. "Hey! Ah!" Nigel stumbles back, not expecting the move, and suddenly becomes engulfed in his own magic. Cecilia bursts out laughing at him. "That's why you're still a junior knight, Nigel, you need to expect the unexpected."

"Shut up! You're a junior knight, too!" Nigel desperately coughs and waves his arms to dispel the smoke.

Cecilia bites her lip, the shy girl becoming a bit more confident from her performance. "I'm 15, so I have an excuse. You don't!"

"Come on, guys, be nice!" I can't help but swallow my own chuckle. Cecilia... This is the most I've heard you talk since you got here! The girl used to be Alice's roommate, so I hung around her a lot, but she was always so quiet and reserved. I know her magic is powerful, so all she needs is the spine to back it up. I was kind of like that, wasn't I? I felt kind of out of place on the squad, it was such a new and scary experience... but I grew into it, not just because I have to. Because of all the people I met...

These people are my friends, right? And these kids, who's biggest problems are who's doing the dishes tonight and how to not embarrass yourself on the next mission. I have my quarrels with some of them, but in the end there's not an ounce of malice between any of us.

... maybe it was a bandit that night. Maybe I panicked and imagined something that didn't exist...

But, I don't think any of these people would hurt me.

"That was great! I knew you would make a good teacher." 

It takes me a moment to realize that Julius is talking to me again as we walk back towards the base. The Junior knights shuffle along in front of us, chatting and clowning on Nigel. "Oh, really?" I don't know why, but the comment makes me feel a little embarrassed, probably because it's coming from my vice captain. "Thank you... I'm not as good as you, though!"

"Hmm, I'm not so sure." Julius closes one eye in what I assume is a cheeky wink. "I wasn't really doing much, I let you take over."

"Is that so?" For some reason, my nervousness quickly fades. "Maybe I should be vice captain, then."

"Perhaps."

"Are you sure you want to go out tonight?"

"Of course!" I brush my hair a few more times in the mirror before turning around to look at the concerned Alice. "You'll be with me the whole time... and anyway..." I let myself smile a little, sinking into the soft feelings of ease that I've had inside me since my revelation earlier today. "What happened a few weeks ago... I doubt it's going to happen again."

Alice smiles along with me, but that worried look doesn't leave her golden eyes. "...It's true, there's been no suspicious activity at all... but didn't you say your attacker was wearing a Grey Deer robe?"

I shrug. "I said that... but now that I think of it, it's so unlikely... I may have mistaken something else for the robe. Like I said..." I give her a bright smile and a thumbs up to put her at ease as well. "These are my squad members... my friends. They would never hurt me, right? It might have just been a bandit or something."

My words seem to do the trick, and Alice smiles as she lets out a happy sigh. "Sheesh, so all that paranoia was for nothing? What a drama queen." She pokes me in the side playfully to make me giggle. "If you say so. We'll have to report it to the captain sometime, though, if a bandit made it in here!"

"Right, right!" I bat away her hand, before both of us get startled by a loud banging on the door. "HEY!! HURRY UP!"

"...shut up, Nigel!"

Nigel and Elia are waiting outside, Nigel tapping his foot loudly to show his already-obvious impatience. "Where's Giles?!"

"Right here!" We turn to see the bespectacled boy run up, looking kind of bedraggled. "I can't believe you're dragging me out tonight..."

"Then don't come!" Alice shoots back with a grin. "We'll take Cecilia instead."

"The 15 year old? No way." Elia turns up her nose. "Anyway, she said she wants to stay home and sleep early."

"Ah, fine. Well!" Alice balls up her fist to get us pumped up. "Let's go out on the town!"

"Yeah!!!"

It's already dark by the time we get there, travelling in our little pack. "Hmm, decisions decisions..." Nigel rubs his chin while looking around the street, then glares as I start to walk off on my own. "Hey, where are you going?"

"Here." I point at my favorite inn, the same one I took Lawrence to on our last date. "I'm going to this one, it's fine if you don't come, though."

"Sounds good!" Alice runs past with Giles and Elia right behind. "Grr! Fine!" Nigel runs after us, indignant that he didn't get to make the choice. 

The inn is just as warm and loud as all the other times I've been here, although it becomes considerably more crowded at night. "Why, if it isn't the young Grey Deer... you chose our little bar tonight?"

"It's the best one in town, of course!"

The bartender eyes each of our faces, letting out a sigh of... relief? "Well, I see it's just you five... in that case-"

"Heyyyy there, barkeep!"

The bartender's smile immediately falls from his face, and his brow furrows. "Great... he's here..."

He? The five of us turn just in time to see none other than Julius marching into the inn, a goofy smile on his face. "Good evening!" His friend Elger shuffles in behind him, looking embarrassed.

"Julius... what do you want?" The bartender eyes him suspiciously as he walks up and leans against the bar comically. I exchange a glance with the others, slapping my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing. Elia stares pointedly at the surface of the bar, also looking like she's going to burst out laughing. "You better not be asking to-"

"Please, sir! I promise I won't ask for money! Not even tips! I just want to show off, I've been practicing my mixology skills-" Julius lets the words burst out as he clasps his hands in a mock prayer, literally begging this poor man to let him help.

The bartender just lets out a long groan before pointing towards the door. "no! You're too slow, Julius, try another bar!"

Julius pouts adorably and opens his mouth to object, but Elger cuts him off and tugs at his sleeve. "Come on, we can try one of the others..."

"Fine." Julius shoots one more indignant look at the bartender before turning to leave. However, he stops and does a double take when his gaze skims over us, his eyes widening a little with recognition. His mouth immediately splits into a wide smile, and I almost look away from how bright it is. Ahh! He noticed us- "Hey guys! Fancy seeing the youths here~"

"You're not that much older than us..." Nigel mutters quietly so he can't hear him, but both Alice and Elia giggle at his behavior.

"We're gonna go find another inn... maybe I can make you a drink?" Julius's eyes meet mine, the corners crinkling slightly from his smile. I feel my heart skip a beat. 

"Er... I think we're going to stay here." I return his smile, giving him a thumbs up. "This is my favorite spot... Maybe some other time, Julius!"

Julius lets out a sigh, letting his shoulders slump momentarily before bringing him back to his full height. "Alright, have it your way! See you guys later!" With one last wave (and an awkward one from Elger), the two older men disappear out the door and back into the chilly night.

I shake my head a little at his behavior, but my smile remains traced into my lips. Mixology? I didn't know that was a hobby of his... that's kind of cu-

"So, what was that about?"

I get snapped from my thoughts as both Alice and Elia descend on me from both sides. "Huh? What do you mean?"

Elia eyes me with narrowed lashes. "He asked you to come try his drink, didn't he?"

"Oh, he was asking everyone, though, not just me-"

"Nonsense! When he said you he didn't mean you guys... he meant you, you know?" I blink, confused at what Alice is trying to imply. My friend smirks and slings her arm around my shoulders, making me shrink slightly into my barstool. "You've been hanging around with him a lot lately, haven't you?"

"Alice!" I scold, squirming a bit in her grasp. "You know what that is, don't you?"

"I want to know what exactly is going on," Elia juts in, crossing her eyes and glaring. Uh oh. She's going through her "crush on Julius" phase right now, a phase that all squad members must go through at some point, and I'm sure I've accidentally made her jealous. "Like, aren't you engaged? It's not fair to him if you lead him on, you know!"

"Lead him on? No-" I shake my head. "You guys have it all wrong... it's not like that!" I laugh nervously in an attempt to dissolve the tension. "It's just... I've known Julius for years now, but we weren't close. I just thought it would be nice to make friends with him, that's all." I exchange a glance with Alice, who nods slowly. Of course, the real reason is that Julius was one of the only people I could truly trust, and being friends with him put me at ease. Not that it matters anymore. "I guess he thought the same thing... so now we're friends?"

"Hmph. Friends." Elia looks away. "First friends, then lovers, then you'll get married- EEEEk!" She covers her flushed face.

"Elia, calm down, I'm engaged to the Prince, remember?" I pat her on the shoulder lightly, and miraculously, my words seem to make her calm down. "Don't worry about it..."

Jeez... this is going to look bad when I break things off with Lawrence...

"I don't get what's so great about him anyway," Nigel suddenly jumps into our conversation uninvited. "I mean, he's cool and powerful... and handsome... BUT!" He starts to go red in the face. "I'm right here! And I'm a catch~"

Elia snorts out a laugh, and I giggle a little at his behavior. Sometimes he seems like he might have a crush on Elia, but that would be way too volatile of a couple for the squad to handle, as evidenced by her next words:

"Nigel... I'd rather catch the Flu than catch you."

"EH???"

"You guys talk to loud, here, start drinking and shut up!" The bartender suddenly appears next to us and unloads the drinks we ordered in front of us. "Oooh! Thank you, sir!"

"No problem. First round is on the house."

"Well, cheers guys," Giles smiles pensively and holds up his glass. "I don't really know what to celebrate..."

"We don't have to celebrate anything! Unless you want to go out with me, Elia-"

"No, Nigel."

"Fine!"

"Cheers!" Alice makes us all shut up as we clink our glasses together. I bring mine to my lips and gulp down the drink. Giles immediately splutters and slams his glass down. "Yuck!"

I wince and swallow thickly. "Yeah, is it supposed to be this bitter?"

"It's not bitter! It's spicy." Giles coughs, causing Nigel to laugh meanly at him. "Grow up Giles, we know you're a lightweight, but spicy?!"

"Nigel, you're one to talk," Elia teases. "This stuff is cinnamon whiskey, so it might taste a bit spicy."

"Hmmm..." I take another sip, forcing it down. It tastes a bit spicy, yeah, but more bitter than anything. In fact, it's almost salty.

"Well, whoever can finish theirs first gets their drink payed for!" Nigel announces with a grin. "Come on!"

I can't turn down that kind of competition. "Bring it!" Without any more hesitation, me and the others gulp down our drinks. With an excited yell, I slam my empty glass down on the table first, just before Alice does. "Yes!!! Eat that-" I suddenly feel my stomach turn, and I almost gag.

"Yikes, you okay?" Alice rubs my back as I choke down the drink. "You won, don't worry."

"Thanks, but I'm fine." I shake my head. "It just... tasted really bad."

Alice frowns, a little concerned. "Be careful, I don't want you throwing up on me or anything. Here, have some water."

"Who's the lightweight now?" Nigel snickers, earning him two smacks from Giles and Elia.

I sip at my water for a while, staring at the glazed wood of the bar as the others continue to drink and chat. For some reason, the warmth from the previous moments is completely gone, and I start to feel oddly... detached from it all. 

...why am I even here?

I feel coolness on my lips as I sip my water.

...wait... what's going on...?

I can't be out like this... not in the open.

"I need some help."

"What is it, Wren?"

Someone is talking, but the words blend into the ambient sound of the inn.

"It's Margery... she's puking all over the place outside."

"Ugh, fine. Come on, everyone."

Someone... someone's trying to kill me, right?

But, not one of my friends... they can't be-

I look up, and my friends are gone. 

...huh?

Everything seems fuzzy, and I almost fall out of the chair as the vertigo affect hits me, just from raising my head. I draw in a shaky gasp, barely audible, and stare at the empty seat where Alice was just sitting. At least, I think she was just sitting there... how many hours have gone by since I last saw her? Time is expanding and constricting at a rapid rate, almost like an accordion.

...what the hell... am I- 

I look back down at my hands, which are clutching my glass tightly. I can't even make them out, they don't look like two solid objects. They warp and spin, just like the rest of the world.

H-how did I manage to get drunk?! Where is everyone? I frantically start to look around the bar, but all I see are the faces of strangers, looking at me as if I've gone crazy. And maybe I have... because a moment later, they morph into the faces of my friends.

...no... I'm not drunk...

The one drink I had... it was bitter... salty... it was drugged!

It's something I've always heard of happening to girls, but now that it's happening to me, it seems more real. My heart is running a race in my chest as I suddenly stand up, causing the world to turn upside down again. Someone is yelling at me (I think I tipped over the barstool), but I don't stop, I can't. I feel someone grab my arm, and my panic spikes. NO! If they grab me like this- I instinctively lash out and push them away, and luckily they yield. I can move... I can still move... I need to find the others!

NO...

Not the others...

One of them drugged me, didn't they?

For what purpose, I can only imagine, but now I'm imagining the worst case scenario. I need to run, and hide, until this wears off! 

With that thought, I turn and run away, stumbling but staying upright. The warm light of the inn disappears, giving way to a chilly, cold night. It's not snowing, but the harsh wind nearly bowls me over. I open my mouth to yell Alice, but the words get caught in my throat. I keep walking, the lights in the corner of my vision starting to dull. I don't have long... I'm going to pass out... 

There's not a friendly face in sight.

I... I need to..

The wind subsides, and I realize that I've stumbled into an alley. With one last little whimper, I collapse to the ground, curling up into the fetal position as everything starts to fade away. If this isn't enough... then I'm dead. Or worse.

Please... let the right person find me...

My eyelids droop, and my body goes numb.

Alice... or...

I don't get to finish my thought as my brain basically turns to mush.

I don't know how long I lie there, but eventually, the cold starts to disappear. Feeling starts to seep back into my skin, and something warm envelopes me.

Maybe... this is death? It doesn't feel so bad...

I curl up into it, and a comforting sleep overtakes my soul.

Yeah so I have a vague idea of where I want to go with this but there's a lot of empty space in my mind. If you have any suggestions for scenes/moments/or just vibes, let me know in the comments!

Also I want to know if I'm doing well with this? I honestly don't know...

[themenof--freeridge]

Resistance is Futile

Pairing: Oscar Diaz x Reader

Requested?: Yes- bae-b-cakes : Hi :) could you do an Oscar x Reader where the reader is working at the bank the Santos robbed? Maybe Spooky could have a “love-at-first-meet” moment with her possibly because she’s scared but doesn’t flinch? And him hold his gun to her so none of the other crew members mess with her? I know requests are closed but I thought that maybe this was a new idea. I love your work <3

Warnings: none

--

*Reader POV*

I released a heavy sigh as I stared at the clock directly opposite me, wishing for the minutes to magically tick away faster than ever. The day was creeping to a close but there were still customers trickling in, testing me with their own tired eyes.

As I reset the computer system to prepare for the next customer in line, I momentarily wondered how I ended up working as a bank attendant for four full years. Sure, the pay was decent, but it definitely wasn’t my dream job. Like most other people in the neighbourhood, I had a job that just barely covered the bills.  

My hand swept under the desk to ring the bell for the next customer. Just as the middle-aged customer shuffled over to my stall, the front doors of the bank opened and a group of well-built Hispanic men ushered in, with bandanas over their mouths in an attempt to hide their identities. Around here, it was obvious that these men were Santos.  

My co-worker to my right pressed a shaking hand to the Security bell under her desk, signaling the nearby authorities of the threat.  

The Santos were quick to flay their weapons around as they barked orders for everyone in the building, including the bank’s guards, to sit in a line on the ground. The attendants and employees all ushered out into the main hall and joined the customers on the ground.

I found myself at the end of the line, furthest from the entrance. While one Santo already managed to grab hold of a floor manager and was hurrying him to the cash trays behind the counters, the other Santos moved down the line to see if there was anything worth stealing from the hostages.

I winced at my own mind; were we already hostages? Despite the threat in front of me, I couldn’t help but think that this whole scene only meant that I would have to be in work longer than I wanted.  

Although I should have been fearing for my life like everyone else, my own exhausted thoughts made me calmer in the scene.  

So calm that when I looked in front of me and stared through the barrel of a pistol aiming for my skull, I just sighed again.  

Behind the pistol were furrowed eyebrows and young eyes.  

Without even thinking, I asked, “Is that thing even loaded?” I could sense the people nearest to me offer incredulous stares in your direction.  

I was sure that when I saw the right cheek of the Santo turn upwards that the guy was smirking at me. “You willing to bet on it?” he countered.

“Look, I just wanna get off work already. This is all quite inconvenient.”

Beneath the bandana, a chuckle erupted and the pistol leaned away from you ever-so-slightly. That was enough to keep my mind at ease.

-

*Oscar POV*

This was already taking too long. Any logical person would know that the longer you took to hold up a bank, was the higher chance you had of the cops coming around.

The guy with the money bag was already taking much too long for my comfort.  

Needing to keep everyone calm and make sure no one was secretly calling the cops, I inspected every one of the hostages on the ground. It was only when I reached the end of the line that I noticed this girl looking very un-bothered.

Like the others, I stuck the pistol to her head. The second her eyes met mine, I knew that something was off with this girl. She had the eyes of a woman who had had a rough day at work and just wanted to get away.

Then, she spoke. “Is that thing even loaded?”  

I couldn’t tell if she was cheeky or curious. Either way, it threw me off a little. Not only was her voice calm, but the way she looked at me, it was as though she could see me behind the Santo exterior.  

Fumbling for a response, I replied, “You willing to bet on it?”

She glanced away for a moment and came back with, “Look, I just wanna get off work already. This is all quite inconvenient.”

That was enough to make me laugh a little, and I took the pistol away from aiming at her.  

Next to me, the guys were making their rounds along the line, interrogating everyone and picking at the slightest sign of jewelry or watches. I winced; I knew we came here for the money, but the interrogating was a bit excessive.  

The intriguing lady in front of me spoke again. “Don’t you guys make enough money from dealing drugs? Why do you need to rob a bank now?”

One of the other guys moved closer to me, his hand gun eagerly pointed at the line of hostages, ready to take out anyone who got in his way. Out of instinct, I moved so that my back was in front of the interesting attendant. Luckily, the guy didn’t seem to notice.

“Where the hell is Rico?” he asked, referring to the guy with the money bags.  

Speaking of the devil, Rico appeared, heaving two full bags, one over each shoulder. “Let’s go, boys!” he exclaimed.  

Immediately, the boys rounded up and quickly headed for the exit.  

Just as the sirens were heard in the distance, I glanced back at the girl. To my surprise, she offered a sarcastically slow wave as I shuffled away. I smirked once more and left the building.

--

*Reader POV*

The cops finally showed up and I told them everything I could recall, even the time on the clock.  

By the time they let me leave, it was nearing 7:30PM and I just wanted to get a greasy burger and head off to bed. Luckily for me, there was a diner just around the corner of my block.

As I pushed open the door and was welcomed by the chiming bell above the entrance, the scent of burger grease and burnt coffee engulfed me. I eagerly made my way to the counter and the cashier already knew my order; I take great pride in being a regular customer.

As I took a bar stool to wait for my order, I glanced around at the patrons. The usual suspects stood out: high school kids joking around and single parents treating their kid/kids to dinner outside of the house.  

Just to my left, another person walked in and took the stool next to me.  

“Coffee,” the person said to the cashier. The attending girl rolled her eyes but did her job.

That one word was enough to make me realize that the voice was all too familiar. I chanced a glance at the person’s face and scoffed when I met their eyes. It was that Santo guy from the bank.

He met my eyes and offered a smirk in return. At least without the bandana I could actually see the smirk. I had to admit, it looked good on him.

“You following me or something?” I asked, when he didn’t look away.

The attendant placed the coffee mug on the counter and pushed the container of milk and sugars over. Only when the girl turned away did he respond. “What if I was?”

“Then I'd say you elevated from a thief to a stalker.”

He turned away still flashing that mischievous smirk. He tore open two packets of sugar and emptied the contents into the mug. With a couple swirls with the spoon, he was satisfied and took a cautious sip.  

He nodded once and returned to me, waiting for my counterattack. “I could live with the robbery thing but I really don’t like stalkers.”

He chuckled suddenly and responded, “Then don’t let me stay as a stalker. Let me take you out.”

Now it was my turn to burst out laughing.  

His eyebrows came together in confusion. “Didn’t realize I was so funny.”

“Well, you can’t be serious.”

“Why not?”

“You’re a goddamn Santo.”

“And?”

“And living in this neighbourhood is hard enough without being attached to the Santos.” I looked towards the kitchen area, wondering when my order would be ready.

“Maybe a Santo is what you need to make your life easier.”

I kept his gaze and asked, “Why me?”

He smirked once more and answered, “Because anyone who doesn’t cower in front of a gun is either a psychopath or what I've been looking for.”

“I could very well be a psychopath, for all you know.”

The attendant finally approached us, with my order in her hands. She rest the bag in front of me and offered a polite smile, closing our interaction for the evening.

I rose to my feet and clasped the bag, ready to leave. The Santo hurried to follow suit and placed a hand on my arm.  

“I’m willing to find out. I’m Oscar, by the way.”

I sighed, coming to terms with the fact that this Santo wasn’t going to give up anytime soon. Resolved, I offered, “I usually get coffee here on Saturday mornings, around 9. If you’re here then, I’ll take you seriously.”

He released my arm and nodded. “Deal. See you then.”

“Alright.” I took that chance to bolt out the door, already scolding myself for getting involved.

It wouldn’t be so bad, right? You were either on the good side or the bad side of the Santos. Maybe being associated with one would actually benefit me. If I needed anything exciting to take me away from my normal, mind-numbing routine, it was a relationship.  

All in all, the robbery signified a turning point in my life. Now, it was up to me to take hold of this chance and make the most of it.  

[zaneryne]

Ghost Part 2

Within a day, in the cliffs between Stonetalon and Ashenvale, a cry from a hawk and a yell of an Orc calling to others, "Found him!!!" The stones twitched as the frail hand of Norae'thas came from the rubble he landed on, Zane wherever she was, was not banking he made it out alive, but he did survive just as she. Orcs ran to him pulling the rocks off him and picking him up, while he was in a blur of memories, he only thought back to when they were back in the academy together. 

He thought of the first time he saw her or even met her, Zane sitting amongst a bench, pillows created a sort of fort around her, she pressed against the wall sprawled out, books and scrolls around her, her nose deep in a book, a shadow casting upon her as she read, something blocked her natural light, she peeled her golden eyes from her book and looks up at the Elf standing in her light, "Do you mind?"

Norae'thas chuckled and stepped to the side maybe an inch or so, to let light hit her again, lighting her features, "My apologies, Zaneryne is it? Or are you Zainstra?"

She did not look interested as she went back to reading, "If you are looking for my sister, find the flock of people..." she licks her thumb and turns the page to go onto reading.

He keeps grinning and then just responds, "So Zaneryne it is, the quiet, more reserved twin...." he takes a seat, sitting next to her, one leg pulled to his body and the other extended out, as he leans back to watch her read, "What are you reading?"

She turns a page and looks at him slightly, why anyone was interested in her she did not know, and looks back to the text, "A book about hydromancy..."

He gasps almost excited, "Hydromancy? Why on Azeroth would you dig your head into that? Is that not more shamanistic magic, savage? What are you trying to gain from it?"

She closes the book on her thumb and sighs, pushing up small reading glasses, "Do you honestly want to know....or you just over here to bother me like every other elf? I do not have time for games or teasing, have a science and magic craft to master...."

The man letting his blonde locks from his back, down his shoulder as he looked at his book and then at the woman, seeing her passion in her eyes nods, "Truly interested...."

Zane sets the book down and reaches into her book and hands him a novice book on frost magic, "Read this...."

He takes the book from her, and looks at the title and scoffs, "You humor me with this? A child's read? I am not reading this...I already understand frost magic quite well...."

She frowns and stands up collecting her scrolls and books and brushes a bang over her ear, "Then your not as interested as I thought, take the time to read that, and maybe I will show you what I have gathered." She nods to him and trots off, her perfume all that lingered as he watched her go.

Zaneryne on the other hand, days after falling from the height that she did, woke up in a cold sweat, sitting up, the rare times she had flashbacks from her past, she woke up slightly screaming only to hiss as she placed her hand on her bandaged side, looks around and then says softly, "Shit...."

A Tauren woman approached holding a bowl of some green liquid and shoos her, "Calm calm my friend, you are finally awake, your spirit is quite strong, you seemed not at peace during your sleep." She sets the bowl down at the table.

Zane looks at the woman and then looks at her hands seeing her peach skin, and then looks at the woman again. she was among the Horde, revealed as her true self a Sin'Dorei, she lets out a sigh and looks to the bowl, smells heavy of herbs, "Whe...Where am I?"

The Tauren took a knee in front of Zane pushing for her to drink what was in the bowl, "Please drink, its tea and herbs will help with your healing... you are in Ratchet. My son found you passed near water, said where the Barrens touch Ashenvale. He brought you here, fetched me to help you with your wounds."

Zane takes the tea bowl and brings it to her lips and sips it softly, it was bitter, but she was not going to fight the cow woman, between gulps she asked, "How long have I been here?"

The Tauren looked up trying to count it out and then said, "Two days. Give or take."

Zane gulped down the contents and set the empty bowl down, "Two days...." she sighs, and shakes her head, "Am I free to go anytime?"

The Tauren nods, "Yes, you are free to go, just maybe a heads up would be nice, would like to give you some things for your travel, to help you care for your wounds better."

Zane nods, she always liked the Tauren, they were a kind people, "I will need that soon...."

The Tauren woman stood up taking the bowl and nods, "Yes yes, let me fetch you some things." She got up and was gone, only a male Tauren sat watching, pressed against the wall, he pushed off and approached to talk to her, now that his mother was gone, "Glad to see you awake and alive...I was the one that found you." He sticks out just his index finger, figuring it all she could shake, "I am Chogan."

Zane did not leave her name, for the best, and nods and shakes his finger. Chogan then speaks, "I know hunting, and know how prey runs, and you have the same look in your eyes that you are being hunted, maybe this is why you fell....you do not have to explain yourself to me, but if you need Chogan and his mother to help you with lie here or there to get ahead, can do?"

Zane looks down and nods, this Tauren did not have to help her, and she was curious as to why they would even help her, she was at a loss of words. He just shook his hand, "It seems strange to offer this I know, but my father once spoke of elf...elf with feather on her ribs, that helped our people, when the great Cataclysm befall us, she went against orders and helped us instead of hurt others...my mother spoke of this same elf, taught me and others of this lesson, that helping people is the way, you show help to whoever you can and must see beyond race...."

Zane's eyes softened, hearing this, hearing of a deed she once did, when Deathwing ripped the lands asunder, how she stayed behind when her orders were to aide the Horde in Theramore, she stayed helping the Tauren, she nods, "How...."

How they knew it was her was all she could ask, but it did not take him answering, the woman Tauren returned and followed with an olden Tauren, walking with a limp and cane, tapping the cane, blinded in an eye, his clear eye present before he turned and looked at Zane, she knew him. She muttered his name, "Takoda Eaglesinger...."

The old Tauren beamed, "Ah you do remember....well well well Grimsky we meet again....under different circumstances it seems, you are being hunted?"

Zane's eyes looked down, shaking her head before she nodded, "Yes."

Takoda whistled to his son, "Boy, make sure the area is safe, whoever is coming for her we make sure they do not find her."

Chogan nodded to his father and head outside to keep watch. Takoda looked back to her and sighs, "We will help all we can....you helped us so many years ago, we wish to do the same."

Zane chewing on her lip says, "I could only ask of one favor then...."

"Anything you name it....we do." He nods confidently.

Zane sighs, "My sister is in Silvermoon, I need her to be warned, to get out and head to Stormwind, they will have her paraded in the street and killed for what she is..."

Takoda was aided by his wife to sit down, to listen more to Zane, "What she is?"

Zane nods her head and tells the story, "She is exiled...a Ren'Dorei...I am using powerful magic to make an illusion cast on her and myself, where we appear as each other as long as we wear our bracers, with them on I look as she does a Ren'Dorei and if she wears her, she looks at me as a Sin'Dorei, if they find out she is the true exile they will kill her!" She said aspirated.

Takoda groans, hearing this news and looks to his wife, "Tell Chogan we have him go to Silvermoon and warn her sister." He looks at Zane, "What will you do my friend?"

Zane shrugs, "I am not sure, I need to find my friend Linenia, have her hold some things for me, to give to my sister when she arrives in Stormwind, and myself....will just travel, find a place I can hide that no one will find me...."

Takoda hums softly and says, "I have a brother in Sholazar Basin, he can help you find the home, but you must get there yourself, be secretive if you give goblins coin here enough to shut mouth they will shut mouth...."

Zane shakes her head, "Norae'thas has more money to pay them to talk....but I have an idea."

Takoda cants his hand to the side wanting to hear the idea, "This idea is?"

Zane leans in close and tells him, "Have your son leave with me, I can disguise myself, we can both buy passage on a boat as hunters heading to Stranglethorn. My disguises are very good, no one will know it was me."

Takoda mulls it over, "Must be good magic, if you have all of Silvermoon City convinced a Ren'Dorei is a Sin'Dorei, this will work. This plan I can do, and when you are both in Stranglethorn then you go different ways."

Chogan eventually came back into the tavern, a pack on his back as he nodded, "Ready to set out."

Takoda then told Chogan of the plan, as they watched before there eyes she changing, she grew taller, furrier and antlers, appearing as a Tauren herself, snorting through her new nose, she blinked at them and said, "Not bad right?"

Takoda nodded as Chogan stared star struck and swallowed hard, "Not at all bad...you look very much like one of us...what should we call you?"

"This persona is Mychok Daisyhoof. I lost everything in Thunderbluff during the Cataclysm, just been traveling to try and do anything to restore the barrens tear. I take odd end jobs when needed to help survive."

Takoda and his wife sent of Chogan and Mychok on their way, the coin for passage to Stranglethorn Vale. They went to the pier, Chogan a bit nervous but Zane spoke to the goblins for him, "Hello there friend, my partner here and I wish to buy passage to Stranglethorn Vale."

A seedy goblin turned around, staring through a broken monocle, he pulled from his eyes sort of zooming in and out and then dropped the glass piece of his chest, "Ya don't say! Well, it will cost ya two seats each your much larger than the average goblin or human, so four tickets, please! That be...." rubs his chin coming up with an overpriced prize on top of his head, "Forty gold pieces! Yeah....forty!" Holds out his hand waiting to be paid.

Zane had half the mind to kick him into the ocean, she snorts through her nose and reaches into her bag, digging around and fishing out all the coins she had, about fifty and drops it into the goblins hand. The goblin shifted his green twig-like fingers through the coins counting and turned as he waved and said loudly, "Keep the change!"

Zane scoffed again and said, "Hate goblins...." She looks at Chogan, "Guess we bought ourselves a ticket over, come on let's get on the boat." She clanks her hooves on the wooden pier and approaches the boat getting on, Chogan following onto the boat.

All while this happened Norae'thas was taken to Orgimmar, half out of it, half into it, he kept dreaming of Zaneryne and how they became closer than others who were close to her. He dreaming of the time she was sitting near a pool of water, trying so hard to not but yet get her feet wet, he held up the novice frost magic book in his hand, waving it in the air and calls out to Zane, "Read your book."

Zane had her fingers in the water, looks up and sees Norae'thas and then looks back at the water, "What do you think?"

Norae'thas cants his head side to side as he walks over to Zane and says, "Interesting read for a children's book....you would think your somewhat of a poet...."

Zane sighs and stands up, drying her wet hands off on the robe and just said slightly annoyed, "You did not read it...." She walks over to him reaching for it.

Norae'thas snaps the book away and looks down at her, "What makes you think I did not read it...."

Zane reaches up, trying to snatch the book away, and only had Norae'thas put it way out of her reach and said, "I did read your book, saw your notes as well, and interested to know more how you think that water and ice is more than just water and ice....how it reflects, can distort what others see and be a mirror....those are the words you highlighted the most....so it must be important enough that your looking into several frost magic scrolls and books, hydromancy and even glass making and mirror making....and further studies into crystals...but that could be a family trait...."

Zane stopped reaching for the book and lowered down flat on her feet, "Then yes it seems you did read the book."

Norae'thas offers the book back to her, "So yes, please show me what you learned...."

She takes the book and turns, swatting the man with her hair as she walked back over to the pool of water she was sitting at, and giggles as the two read the book she had given him together.

He cringed in pain and screamed out her name, waking up so suddenly, being pushed and held down by orcs. looking around wild eye, "Where is she?!?!?"

A doctor turned, Sin'Dorei, and looks at Norae'thas, "Who is she? You were found alone...several broken bones and near death....no body else found around you...."

He rips IVs from his arm and onto the floor before him and snarled trying to stand, only to be pushed back down, "Unhand me you oversized Goblin!" He spat at the orc. The Orc backs away and the doctor only tries to calm him again, "Please please sir calm down, you will only make it worse....you have several injuries...."

Norae'thas struggled to stand, holding his side, fingers digging in feeling all the several broken bones and clutched the medical table as he collapsed weakly, grunting loudly as he looked at the doctor, "She....she fell with me....she can't be far....."

His obsession with her made him insane, made him reckless, he wanted to find her, he needed to find her. The doctor kneeled down to him, only to feel his monstrous hands slap onto his face, his nails digging and gouging into his eyes, the doctor cried in pain, as Norae'thas hands glowed green, pushing the seeping fel from his fingers into the doctors body, draining his life from his body into his. The orcs tried to pull Norae'thas off the doctor, but their hands burned of the fel that surged through the elf, Norae'thas drank, drank and drank some more until the doctor laid a withered husk on the ground, dead.

He ground fiercely and stood up, turning as he snarled the orcs running to stop Norae'thas, but as he turned he grabbed a surgical scalpel, as the first orc approached, he stabbed like a shiv the scalpel into the orcs eye repeatedly before lodging in his jugular the knife, the orc dropped before him, the second orc hesitated, but Norae'thas did not, he opened a portal, countless imps spilled out ripping the orc to pieces. His hands stained with blood, not his own staggers to find his footing, walks out the clinic and out of Origmmiar, nothing was stopping him from finding his prize, Zaneryne Grimsky.

[queennicoleinboots]

A Whole Bear World with Fartman

"BaeBae! BaeBae!" I chanted in Native American fashion as I playbeat Joebear's leg. 

Joebear laughed and chanted along.

Kissy sounded like the broken toys that never worked. The broken toys were much like the people in our neighborhood. To go forward, they have go backwards and sideways and do the twist. They get bewildered when you say normal shit, but when you talk crazy, they seem normal. They seem so allergic to new knowledge and to half-bears half-humans. 

They don't like computer science majors like Joebear or Albear. They start glitching and having panic attacks. 

Joebear mauled me and gave me a hug. I began to rub his bear butt. All of a sudden, I felt his butt begin to break wind. He let out a fart that sounded like an angel's trumpet. 

"Oh! My bowels are moving!" Joebear said as he ran into the bathroom and closed the door. 

Preston Nichols, the scientist, then faded into existence. "That toilet seat costs $150. But, it honors his bear butt," he said super seriously before he burst into laughter. 

His laughter is so contagious that I started to laugh. 

When Joebear emerged from the bathroom, Preston Nichols then faded out of existence. 

"You're an asshole," Joebear said super seriously before he burst into laughter. 

I started laughing hysterically again. My sides were splitting. My belly all of a sudden became super pregnant from laughter and the presence of Joebear's sexy bear body. 

--------------------------------------------------

I was on a hospital bed and contracting like crazy. Joebear, Albear, Fartman, Kissy, Garfield, and Tug were circled around me. The Chinese lady I met in the lab where we were first introduced to this mainframe was my nurse. I had learned that her name is Chung Ming. 

After Chung Ming helped me birth my first cub, whom Joebear and I named Paddington Joe, Fartman fell asleep in a chair. 

I fell asleep after Paddington Joe was washed and placed in my arms.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Fartman was melting his computers and his cell phones with his toxic farts. "Goddamn computers! They don't work! I can't get access to my bank account what the fuck?" he screamed. 

He threw his small, flip cell phone in the air and turned to fart on it. It disintregrated in thin air. 

"I'm so pissed I'm going to fart on every goddamn computer there is on the Earth!" he screamed as he farted on his silver laptop. "Fuck you."

He farted on boom boxes that sang "I'm Gonna Be (500 miles)" by The Proclaimers. 

In fact, I watched him fart on the Publix ATM machine with his to the beat of "I'm Gonna Be (500 miles)" by The Proclaimers. He also spoke in a Gaelic language as he farted on the ATM to submission. The ATM magically was restored to its former glory of being a new ATM machine. 

"You needed a zero at the beginning of every account number this goddamn bank has!" Fartman screamed. "Sangeetha!!!"

"I'm Gonna Be (500 miles)" by The Proclaimers was playing in the background as Fartman was running around and farting on random ATM machines. He even farted on the parts of Peter's computer that flew outside of his house.

Apparently, Peter was beating his computer inside of his house this time. I wondered if Ted the Alligator was arguing with him again. 

When Fartman returned home from farting on random ATM machines around the Southern United States, he came home and farted on the pieces of his new laptop computer. 

"I'm Gonna Be (500 miles)" by The Proclaimers stopped playing in the background.

I cracked up, laid on the couch, and damn near had a coronary from laughing so hard yet again. I could also barely breathe from the noxious fumes from Fartman's ass. 

"Fucking piece of shit. I just want to open up my computer and do a few things. I turn the damn fucking thing on, and three games and little gray creatures who drink Lysol pop up on my screen!" Fartman yelled a mighty Tarzan yell. 

"Holy Shit not again! Donald Marshall talked about them when he exposed the cloning facilities!!!!" I shouted while getting in a fetal position and snickering. 

"Oh God," he said. "Computers are getting worse and worse!!!!"

I laughed. He continued to fart on the laptop. "I have things to do. I don't have time to fuck with little gray creatures who drink Lysol," he said. 

I'm Gonna Be (500 miles)" by The Proclaimers started playing in the background.

"Seriously. Get this goddamn fucking shit off my computer!" Fartman yelled as he farted on the laptop to submission in rhythm with "I'm Gonna Be (500 miles)" by The Proclaimers. 

I'm Gonna Be (500 miles)" by The Proclaimers stopped playing in the background. Mickey Mouse appeared, and  the Pokemon battle theme song started playing.

"You fucking asshole!" Mickey Mouse screamed at Fartman.

"What the fuck?! Who manifested YOU?!" Fartman yelled. 

"The little gray creatures in your computer that you broke!" Mickey Mouse yelled.

"Oh God get the fuck out of here!" Fartman yelled and sounded like George Carlin.

"Yeeeeessssssssssss!!!" Mickey Mouse sang before he vanished. 

The Pokemon battle theme song stopped. I'm Gonna Be (500 miles)" by The Proclaimers started playing in the background again.

Fartman continued to fart on his cell phone. He pooped his pants.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

I was taking a dump in Fartman's bathroom and giving birth to yet another poop child. My butt was sore as I was pooping. 

This poop child was the longest one yet. I decided to call him Artemis Peter because he was tall. He was my fifth poop child... and also the messiest. I used every rag in the house to clean up after myself. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

A TV popped out of Fartman's cabinet and showed this commercial: 

Do you need to shave your beard?

Don't use your razor! 

Use the Vaginasaurus Rex!

The commercial showed a mound with mock pubic hair on it. The mock pubic hair was full of tiny razor blades that looked like pubic hair. The vaginal lips were in the middle of the mound, and a handle could go in there as a guide for the razor. 

The commercial showed the man shaving his beard and trimming his moustache with the Vaginasaurus Rex. 

Fartman and I laughed our asses off while the commercial was playing. 

"It will only cost you $19.99 plus handling if you order now by calling 1-800-VA6INA9," the commercial said. 

The TV went back into his cabinet. Fartman called 1-800-VA6INA1 and reordered the Vaginasaurus Rex. He wore out his first one by shaving too much.

My phone rang. I went to see whom it was. It was Joebear. 

"Hello BaeWhuhhhhhh!!!!" I yelled happily. 

"Bae! I need to tell you something," he said. 

"What, Buh?" I asked. 

"The hunger games are here," he said. 

"Excuse me. What?!" I asked. 

"It's true. The price of housing is going up. Food costs have skyrocketed in the last seven years, and families are fighting each other to survive, Bae. Our former friends are zombies and ghouls," he said.

"Yes, Bae. And don't forget! The new world order is here. The banks are changing the numbers on the account. The people have no money. The banks have all the money," I added. 

Joe was making all kinds of angry bear noises to prove a point.

"Damn, BooBoo. How did this happen?" I asked. 

"It has been happening since before our grandparents were born," he answered. 

"Damn, BaeBae. What shall we do?" I asked. 

"I SHOULD EXPECT MY VAGINASAURUS REX NEXT WEEK!!!??? THANK YOU!" Fartman yelled excitedly.

I giggled. Fartman is a fucked-up human being. 

"Finance an RV and live off the grid. Remember Zombieland," Joebear answered. 

"Oh yes. We must rebel against apartment complex companies, banks, insurance companies, myspace.com, and the new world order," I said.

Fartman was now farting obnoxiously on the printer. 

"Ugggghhhhhh!!! Can't have a conversation with THAT going on in the background!" Joebear shouted.

"I know, bae. Fartman is farting on his computer accessories again . I have to witness the never-ending farting," I said.  

Joebear growled loudly. "That's fucked-up," he said. 

"It is, but it's necessary," I said. "Computers are part of the new world order."

" Yes, BaeBae. Well, I won't keep you," Joebear said. 

"Love you, Boo!!!" I yelled. 

"Love you, Baelove!!!" Joebear yelled before growling. 

I made dolphin noises in return. 

We both hung up, and I witnessed Fartman shitting on the printer. 

End music: "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" by The Proclaimers.  End scene: Fartman walking backwards toward the camera endlessly while farting to the beat of the song.

[beeblackburn]

Pretender Reads A Little Hatred, Part I, Chapter One

It's time. Goes without saying spoilers ahead for the entirety of The First Law works beyond the keep reading. Read at your own risk.

PART I

"The age is running mad after innovation;

and all the business of the world

is to be done in a new way.”

—Dr Johnson

No joke? This quotes gave me chills as a declaration of authorial intent. I have a slightly more optimistic view of The First Law’s world, but even I knew the first trilogy’s intent was, beyond commenting on how much Abercrombie dug Lord of the Rings so much that he wrote a trilogy to show his... appreciation, to show that, as much as people want to change, they are helpless to actually commit by their pasts, being pieces and pawns to the old ways and grudges of Bayaz and Khalul’s “great” war of two old assholes fighting over grudges kept alive solely two great powers butting heads over wrongs long past. 

That human nature is fundamentally unchanging.

But, at the same time? Abercrombie’s throwing down a gauntlet with this quote. With the new flavor of fantasy he’s promising, the new generation of characters he has to usher in to spearhead that new age, he has to change. He cannot rehash the old stories. Cannot repeat the old patterns. Cannot force the old systems continuing to work, having grown rusty and creaky with age. History has to move forward. Meaning he has to pave the path to new ways. The question is, new way in what manner? New ways as in a social progress, positive change, a better world? Or new ways as in Bayaz changing from magic to money, and from spells to cannons, in order to assert the same small-minded ideal of might makes right with different tools? 

It’s a new age of madness, but with human nature being what it is? Abercrombie has shown that a little hatred goes a long way to lead us to stepping upon old roads left behind our parents, who they themselves trod on by their predecessors.

Chapter Title: Blessings and Curses Point-of-View: Rikke

“Rikke.”

She prised one eye open. A slit of stabbing, sickening brightness.

“Come back.”

She pushed the spit-wet dowel out of her mouth with her tongue and croaked the one word she could think of. “Fuck.”

Now isn’t that just a typical Abercrombie sentiment. Actually, what I want to focus on is how this opening is lean compared to The Blade Itself:

Logen plunged through the trees, bare feet slipping and sliding on the wet earth, the slush, the wet pine needles, breath rasping in his chest, blood thumping in his head. He stumbled and sprawled onto his side, nearly cut his chest open with his own axe, lay there panting, peering through the shadowy forest.

—The Blade Itself, The End

From Blessings and Curses, we already see a much apparent crispness of voice, short paragraphs broken apart, an unusual situation of a girl opening one eye and having to come back (come back from what?) There’s a surreal quality that Logen’s opening, as much as I like it as an introduction to The Blade Itself, can’t beat beyond the chapter title. Yet, to remind us it’s Abercrombie, someone has to say fuck. Because of course.

“There’s my girl!” Isern squatted beside her, necklace of runes and finger bones dangling, grinning that twisted grin that showed the hole in her teeth and offering no help at all.

HOLY FUCK IT’S CRUMMOCK’S SHIN-KICKER AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

“I saw folk falling from a high tower. Dozens of ’em.” She winced at the thought of them hitting the ground. “I saw folk hanged. Rows of ’em.” Her gut cramped at the memory of swinging bodies, dangling feet. “I saw … a battle, maybe? Below a red hill.”

Isern sniffed. “This is the North. Takes no magic to see a battle coming. What else?”

“I saw Uffrith burning.” Rikke could almost smell the smoke still. She pressed her hand to her left eye. Felt hot. Burning hot.

“What else?”

“I saw a wolf eat the sun. Then a lion ate the wolf. Then a lamb ate the lion. Then an owl ate the lamb.”

“Must’ve been a real monster of an owl.”

“Or a tiny little lamb, I guess? What does it mean?”

So, full disclosure here: I did read the A Little Hatred blurb before reading, so I already knew we were getting something like this... but holy shit, we’re seriously getting a prophet? I’m going to talk my precise thoughts on this later, in full first impressions of Rikke as a character, but man, I usually hate prophecies and prophets, but with Abercrombie? Dude’s earned enough credit (specifically, everything to do with Grom-gil-Gorm’s prophecy in the Shattered Sea series) at my trust bank to get me to care. And I love how Rikke can still feel the sensory details of her visions, the costs of magic. Magic.

Also, am I a terrible person for, seeing the eats in the prophecy, immediately thinking Eaters? I probably am.

I’ll hold off on dissecting the prophecy at the chapter’s end. 

"Well, I can unveil two secrets right away.” Rikke groaned as she pushed herself up onto one elbow. “My head hurts and I shat myself.”

"That second one’s no secret, anyone with a nose is party to it.”

"Shitty Rikke, they’ll call me." She wrinkled her nose as she shifted. “And not for the first time.”

"Your problem is in caring what they call you.”

There’s definitely a very winning formula with how Rikke and Isern’s dynamic works: the young, soft-hearted naif butting and bouncing heads against the more world-weary, a touch twisted, experienced warrior. Rikke complains about how much the world will react to her, Isern tells her to suck it up because Rikke doesn’t have to care at all.

Also, not going to lie: part of why I love Rikke is that she shits herself during her visions and fits. It undercuts the mystique of magic with the unpleasant consequences, grounded in reality.

Isern tapped under her left eye. “You say cursed with fits, I say blessed with the Long Eye.”

So. First off, fun fact:

Crummock spun one of the wooden signs on his necklace round and around. “I can’t see her letting Bethod lose, and herself along with him, can you? A witch as clever as that one? There’s all kinds of magic she could mix. All kinds of blessings and curses. All kinds of ways that bitch could tilt the outcome, as though the chances weren’t tilted enough already.”

—Last Argument of Kings, Leaves on the Water

History echoes, doesn’t it? Another i-Phail, another user of the Long Eye, and a discussion about the blessings and curses of magic. The players are different, but the sentiments are similar enough to ripple from the past to the present.

Now, my first reaction to reading this part of the blurb was: WHOA WHOA WHOA, Caurib’s Long Eye from The First Law trilogy? OH MY GOD!!!!! Just more connective tissue to link this book from its past, the earliest roots of Abercrombie’s world-building, when he was still tinkering with what he wanted (long eye isn’t even capitalized in The First Law’s mention of it). It’s a nice reference for us long-time readers and a magical power for the new readers. 

Mind you, all I’m thinking is: was Caurib, every time she was decked out and being impossibly beautiful in the way Abercrombie wrote her... was she actually having fits and headaches and shitting for her visions? Because, wow, I can only imagine how frustrated she must’ve been having to make public appearances. I can just imagine her wishing everyone would fuck off so she could have headaches and shit in peace. Already makes me like Caurib a lot more now.

“Huh.” Rikke rolled onto her knees and her stomach kept on rolling and tickled her throat with sick. By the dead, she felt sore and squeezed out. Twice the pain of a night at the ale cup and none of the sweet memories. “Doesn’t feel like much of a blessing to me,” she muttered, once she’d risked a little burp and fought her guts to a draw.

I really do appreciate how much Abercrombie grounds and mixes a curse into magical “blessings.” I was really skeptical of putting in some last trace of magic in anyone, but Rikke’s right in it not being a blessing, and considering magic is on its last legs, there’s no way Bayaz won’t meet her later and clutch his monstrous hands on her Long Eye, teaching her finesse in exchange for getting to aim where it goes towards.

Another tool. Another weapon to kill his enemies.

"Might have to rope you in future, make sure you don’t crack your nut and end up a drooler like my brother Brait. At least he can keep his shit in, mind you.” 

HOW MANY SONS DID CRUMMOCK HAVE. THE FUCK!? I can’t even find a Brait anywhere except The Heroes and that was clearly not him. For one, he didn’t drool!

“My head still aches so bad I can feel it in my teeth.” Rikke wanted to shout but knew it’d hurt too much, so she had to whine it soft instead. “I need no more small discomforts.”

“Life is small discomforts, girl! They’re how you know you are alive.”

Another part of why I like Rikke so much is that, as a character starting out, she whines. A decent amount. She’s admittedly got some good reason to do so, but as the narrative points out and Isern especially, at least living means you get to whine about it and too much of it will only enable more discomfort, make the pain bigger. There’s intentional room to grow for Rikke and the fact that Abercrombie lets her be a bit of a whiner at the risk of alienating readers is a writer’s courage I always try to emulate. 

Character development’s has to start somewhere.

“Guess not. Just, in the songs, it’s a thing witches and magi and deep-wise folk used to see into the fog of what comes. Not a thing that makes idiots fall down and shit themselves.”

“In case you never noticed, bards have a habit of dressing things up. There is a fine living, d’you see, in songs about deep-wise witches, but in shitty idiots, less.”

Snrrrrrk. I got to love how Abercrombie shades lesser and classic fantasies. He does so well with it.

“And proving you have the Long Eye is no simple matter. You cannot force it open. You must coax it.” And Isern tickled Rikke under the chin and made her jerk away. “Take it up to the sacred places where the old stones stand so the moon might shine full upon it. But it’ll see what it sees when it chooses, even so.” 

Huh. Crummock made it clear that there was something special about the moon during his time in Last Argument of Kings. I assumed it was solely just him thinking the moon’s love made men more violent and strong, but did he think it could influence magic? Given his more singular focus on violence and his clear Bloody-Nine murderboner fanboying, I think Crummock was a lot more close-minded about how the moon can affect things. Isern’s a lot more flexible, by comparison.

(Also, are those sacred places that fortress Logen and Crummock and the rest had their last stand in the High Places? Crummock did say it was well loved of the moon...)

“War?”

“It’s when a fight gets so big almost no one comes out of it well.”

“I know what it bloody is.” Rikke had a spot of fear growing at the nape of her neck which she couldn’t shrug off however much she wriggled her shoulders. “But there’s been peace in the North all my lifetime.”

“My da used to say times of peace are when the wise prepare for violence.”

“Your da was mad as a bootful of dung.”

“And what does your da say? Few men so sane as the Dogman.”

Rikke wriggled her shoulders one more time, but nothing helped. “He says hope for the best and prepare for the worst.”

Isern’s first line is true, but also makes me think of all the Northmen who came into war, looking for glory and a Name, and came out dead or unable to stop killing, their bloody footsteps followed by fellow warriors with same dreams of glory and a Name, just younger. War chews up men and spits them out, dead or alive, no one living coming out without trauma and/or a score of dead friends.

Also, Dogman’s daughter, huh! Good on him for managing to raise a decent child in the Circle of the World, even if she has her share of flaws. Rikke certainly reminds me of a softer, more whinier Dogman, yet still decent.

Rikke blinked at her. ‘You can’t have been ten years old.’

‘Old enough to kill a man.’

‘What?’

‘Used to carry my da’s hammer, ’cause the smallest should take the heaviest load, but that day he was fighting with the hammer so I had his spear. This very one.’ Its butt tapped the rhythm of their walking on the path. ‘My da knocked a man down, and he was trying to get up, and I stabbed him right up the arse.’

‘With that spear?’ Rikke had come to think of it as just a stick Isern carried. A stick that happened to have a deerskin cover over one end. She didn’t like thinking there was a blade under there. Especially not one that had been up some poor bastard’s arse.

I love Abercrombie’s humor, especially given how actually rather depressing Isern’s age of killing was. It always serves to give levity to some heavy stuff in the story, preventing the darkness from choking most people whole. It’s the “poor bastard” part of that last line that brings the smile and laughter out.

“Girl, you have a ring through your nose.” 

“I am aware.” And Rikke stuck her tongue out and touched the tip to it. “It keeps me tethered.”

Hey, you want to know another part of why I really like Rikke? Nose rings are fucking cool. Gives her a distinct appearance and fashion.

Now if only other prophets had nose rings instead of cloaks and vague portents, I wouldn’t find them so bloody boring.

“You’ve a wolf on your shield,” she said.

“Stour Nightfall’s mark,” growled the big man, with a hint of pride, and Rikke saw he had a wolf on his shield, too, though his was scuffed almost back to the wood.

(Looks at his book) Well, shit! The cover’s actually relevant. I was eyeing the UK cover better, but now that this US/Can one has meaning, I can accept it.

Also, Stour Nightfall is the coolest fucking name. Can’t wait to meet him!

“Nightfall’s the greatest warrior since the Bloody-Nine!” piped up the young one. “He’s going to take back Angland and drive the Union out o’ the North!” 

(Arches an eyebrow) I don’t take issue with taking back Angland, there’s some valid enough history with Casamir that I don’t blame the North for it, but how did what I theorized to be Calder’s son become such a beef-cake? But really? Greatest warrior since the Bloody-Nine? I can’t help but think him a cut-price Bloody-Nine now.

“The Union?” And Rikke looked down at the wolf’s head badly daubed on his badly made shield. "A wolf ate the sun,” she whispered.

Thank you, Rikke, I studied English lit in high school. I can do my own analysis of symbolism and visions.

Rikke’s arrow stuck into his back, just under his shoulder blade.

Her turn to say, “Oh,” not sure whether she’d meant to let go the string or not.

A flash of metal and the old man’s head jolted, the blade of Isern’s spear catching him in the throat. He dropped his own spear, grabbed for her with clumsy fingers.

“Shush.” Isern slapped his hand away and ripped the blade free in a black gout.

The inexperienced child and hardened warrior dynamic continues with Rikke accidentally, not knowing if she meant to or not, dooming a boy to death and Isern, experienced hand at the black business, aims for the kill and gives her enemies no ground to gain leverage upon her. But, ultimately...

“You killed ’em.” Rikke felt all hot. There were some red speckles on her hand. The big one was lying on his face, shirt soaked dark.

“You killed this one,” said Isern. The lad knelt there, making these squeaky little gasps as he tried to reach around his back to the arrow shaft, though what he’d do if he got his fingertips to it, Rikke had no idea.

... no one’s hands in this world remain clean for too long.

“Then killing ’em was all o’ the one choices we had, eh? Your problem is you’re all heart.” And she stabbed Rikke in the tit with one bony finger.

“Ow!” Rikke took a step away, holding her arms across her chest. “That hurts, you know!”

“You’re all heart all over, so you feel every sting and buffet. You must make of your heart a stone.” And Isern thumped her ribs with a fist, the finger bones around her neck rattling. “Ruthlessness is a quality much loved o’ the moon.” As if to prove the point, she bent down and heaved the dead lad into the bushes. “A leader must be hard, so others don’t have to be.”

First off, I stabbed my own chest with my own finger just now to see how much it hurt. I can only imagine the increased discomfort with doing it to breasts.

Second off, to give my first impressions of Rikke... well, it’s funny. I once talked to a great friend of mine who we love to talk tropes and stories and fiction about and I told him I generally don’t gravitate to the rougher shit-talking tomboy and the prophet character tropes. To be quite frank, the former bores me on general lack of craft (everyone seems to think the trope itself constitutes a strong personality!) and the latter is just dry plot exposition on two legs generally, full of billowing cloaks and being fuck-useless 99% of the story.

Rikke might have been love at first sight for a few reasons.

The consequences of prophecy. I keep nailing this point, but I do for a reason: I have rarely seen a prophet actually endure physical ailments for their magical gifts, and the headaches, the fits, the burning hot eye, and the shitting? It helps ground Rikke’s struggles in less abstract details so we can sympathize better. We might not have had visions, but we’ve had headaches, hot eyes and shat before.

She’s got a personality! She’s rough, she gives as good verbally as she gets, but she’s also kind and not someone who goes for violence as a first resort. But, at the same time, she’s definitely got her flaws. She’s a whiner. There’s a touch of naivety and inexperience that shows when she talks how times were different when Dogman was fighting and Isern shuts that illusion down, there’s even a softness in her with how she said they should’ve given Stour’s thugs a chance.

Her partnership dynamic with Isern is really winning, allowing more of her personality to bounce off of Isern while having some sass of her own to snap back at Isern, allowing her to have a personality to bounce off of. It allows for development of both characters in a way that Abercrombie’s first attempt at having an early traveling pair in Malacus Quai and Logen can never match, given all the personality leaping off the screen.

The tonal difference. Rikke is a really decent kid dropped into the Circle of the World. In any other series, my eyes would glaze over in boredom. In here? There’s so much misery and depressing reality that happens in the Circle of the World, that it looks like it’ll be a treat to see how she’ll interacts with the older, hardened generation of characters and how much decency might touch upon them. And that only makes Isern’s advice to her all the more interesting. Because her being all heart is hardly Bayaz’s ideal tool and I get the sense that her turning her heart into stone won’t be a smooth ride.

The nose ring. I’m sorry if it makes me shallow, but that’s a cool design choice and love the tethered justification.

The morning mist was long faded and she could see all the way across the patchwork of new-planted fields to Uffrith, wedged in against the grey sea behind its grey wall. Where her father’s old hall stood with the scraggy garden out the back. Safe, boring Uffrith, where she’d been born and raised. Only it was burning, just the way she’d seen it, and a great column of dark smoke rolled up and smudged the sky, drifting out over the restless sea.

(winces) Well, that’s one part of the prophecy dealt with.

Isern wandered from the trees with her spear across her shoulders and a great smile across her face. ‘You know what this means?’

‘War?’ whispered Rikke, horrified.

“Aye, that.” Isern waved it away like it was a trifle. “But more to the matter, I was right!” And she clapped Rikke on the shoulder so hard she near knocked her down. “You do have the Long Eye!”

Hah! Somehow, Isern, I think she won’t take the blessing of that statement and only see the curse of it.

So! Theory-crafting on the prophecy itself!

The only tower I know of in the North was in the High Places, and given Isern’s with Rikke, I can imagine that’s certainly plausible. Either that or somewhere in the Union, given its towers, especially the Tower of Chains? 

The battle below a red hill will be one of our battle set-pieces. Definitely something like the Casualties chapter in The Heroes.

Uffrith already burnt, but it was the first thing to happen, so the people hanged from towers and the red hill battle are yet to happen.

“I saw a wolf eat the sun” Stour taking down the Union. 

“Then a lion ate the wolf” Leo taking down Stour, which I’d normally take as a sign I shouldn’t get invested because I already know the outcome... but given Grom-gil-Gorm’s prophecy twist, I think there’s plenty of ways this could easily turn twisted, especially with Black Calder about. 

“Then a lamb ate the lion” I heard a decent amount of people say they thought it’d be straight-up Lamb and, man, NO. The point of Red Country is that, deep down, Lamb was only pretending to be a lamb and was really a wolf in lambswool. Someone who genuinely is worthless... Orso, from the blurb, seems to fit the bill, given that Leo’s been hoping for help there.

“Then an owl ate the lamb.” Bayaz with Orso. Owls are symbolized as knowledge and Bayaz’s being the First of the Magi, feels right for that... and given that Orso is part of the royal family and how Bayaz “ate” Jezal, I can’t say him repeating it with Orso is implausible. My only worry is, how will this be new from Bayaz and Jezal’s deal?

PART I

Chapter One: Blessings and Curses Chapter Two: Where the Fight’s Hottest Chapter Three: Guilt Is a Luxury Chapter Four: Keeping Score Chapter Five:  A Little Public Hanging Chapter Six: The Breakers Chapter Seven: The Answer to Your Tears Chapter Eight: Young Heroes Chapter Nine: The Moment

[mr-entj]

Can you talk about the quality(ies) or trait(s) that contributed most to your success? I read about your adversity and I want to know what is your personal mindset of getting through those challenges.

Combined with the following asks:

Hello, Mr. ENTJ. Have you ever been depressed? How did you manage to come out of the rut and find the will to live on? I realize that this is a personal question, and you don’t really have to answer but it’d help in understanding different paradigms and help someone who else who is struggling. Thank You

Related answers:

What do you think is required from a person to succeed ?

Dealing with failure and overcoming adversity

What are some of your top habits that have helped your success? What are some habits in your life you think you need to change?

Did the qualities you’ve mentioned (emotional self-regulation, mental fortitude) come naturally to you? Was it something you had to develop? How can I develop them? Thanks for dedicating your time to this blog. Helped a lot.

The answer is grit (resilience). I have an abundant supply of resilience that’s carried me through a childhood rife with crushing poverty, domestic abuse, physical danger, health crises (hip reconstruction, cancer), rejection, failure, and all the in-betweens that life threw at me to get to where I am today.

To develop and maintain grit, there are 3 core values carved into my soul:

1. “I am not a victim, I am my own hero.”

This stops spirals of self-pity and feelings of helplessness. This creates hope and courage. This reminds me that while I’ve been on the receiving end of some awful events (I mean, truly, ridiculous shit), I still have within me to change my circumstances– then I do it.

Poverty? I put myself through school (I paid 100% of my own tuition, no help from my parents– not a single penny– for undergraduate and graduate school), grinded through 6+ years of studies to graduate from 2 elite universities at the top of my class, hustled through my career, and now I’m wealthy. My parents never have to worry about money again, ever, my wife is taken care of, my daughter is spoiled rotten, my vacations are booked, my bank account is fat, my stock portfolio is cruising, and my career is skyrocketing. I have clothes on my back, a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and a smile on my face.

Physical danger? I fulfilled a lifelong dream to move my family out of the ghetto, buy our parents a home a few years back, and they now live in an affluent neighborhood within a gated community.

Health crisis? I saw the best physicians available, ate healthy, exercised, and continue to take care of my health to the best of my ability. I’ve recovered, I’m well, I’m healthy, I’m cancer free, I’m pain free.

There are many things in life that are unfair and out of your control; but how you prepare for the worst, plan for the best, and respond to those circumstances are in your power. That’s where you need to step up and shine. There will be amazing people along this journey that will help by providing advice, encouragement, and support but at the end of the day they have their own lives to live, their own problems to solve, and their own mountains to climb so you must always be your own advocate. You can’t hitch a ride on their wagon because they’re not going where you’re going. This is your ship and you are the captain, it’s your responsibility to steer it in the right direction so master the things within your control.

2. “Tomorrow will be better.”

This helps with impatience when progress is slow and fights off doubts and despair when changes don’t come as quickly as I want. This creates discipline and consistency. I always tell my wife, the INTJ, after every setback that “I feel like something good is waiting for me around the corner. I don’t know what it is, how it’ll come, or when it’ll come, but I feel it.” And it inevitably does as long as I show up, give 100%, and keep working towards my goals.

“Tomorrow will be better” helps me take things step by step because I have the tendency to look a hundred miles down the road and cringe at the distance still left to travel. I’ve repeated this over and over again, through my crap retail job at Target, through being a janitor scrubbing toilets in the mall, through my long hours cramming for the MCAT, through high stress in my consulting job, and so on and so forth. 1 day becomes 1 week, 1 week becomes 1 month, 1 month becomes 1 year, 1 year becomes 10 years, and suddenly we’re in 2019 and I’ve graduated from my dream schools, I work in my dream job, I’m married to my dream girl, I drive my dream car, and I’ve traveled to destinations around the world I used to only dream about.

Confucius wasn’t playing around when he said “a journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step.” It won’t be an overnight thing. If your goal is to lose weight, then you’re not going to do 100 push-ups today and get a six-pack tomorrow. If your goal is to raise your grades, then you’re not going to read a chapter and magically get a 4.0 GPA tomorrow. I didn’t snap my fingers one day and suddenly my dream life appeared at my doorstep the next morning. That’s not how it works. However, if today is better than yesterday, and tomorrow is better than today, then those wins will add up over time until you finally get to where you’re going.

3. “You’re going to have to kill me to stop me.”

This is not an exaggeration, this is a fact. This creates tenacity and stamina. You may be smarter than me, you may be taller than me, you may be richer than me, you may be more handsome than me, you may be better than me in every facet but you are not going to outwork, outhustle, or outlast me. Period.

Learn to fight like hell.

This is a mentality I take towards every goal I’ve set because it keeps me alert, prepared, and responsive to seize opportunities as soon as they pop up. I always tell people around me whenever we’re working on their goals to “be ready” because if you’re ready, then you don’t need to waste time getting ready. Opportunities in life fly by in a blink of an eye like a job posting that opens and closes because you didn’t have a resume prepared, a scholarship perfectly matched for your background that got away because your grades weren’t high enough, or the love of your life that gets away because you weren’t available when you two crossed paths. Be ready and stay ready so when the opportunities present themselves you can immediately seize them.

I achieve this by being in constant motion in my life; I am reading, I am exercising, I am traveling, I am working, I am mentoring, I am meeting new people, I am growing relationships with the people I already know, I am perfecting my craft, I am expanding my network, I am learning a new skill, I am building my knowledge, I am recharging, I am reflecting on my life, priorities, mistakes, and next steps– I am improving every single day and I don’t stop. I stay insanely busy, which you might’ve noticed if it’s taken me 6 years to respond to your ask or Tumblr message (my bad), with meaningful things that add to my life. I move with purpose, I work like I’m possessed.

The United States Armed Forces has a saying:

“Everyone wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.”

There are many people in this world who fall short of their full potential because they aren’t willing to work or fight for what they want. They hit a little speed bump, lose heart, and give up, but with a little digging it becomes obvious they didn’t try hard enough to push through the barriers. I worked 3 jobs from 3AM to 8AM and 12PM to 10PM while taking classes to pay tuition and rent, I scrubbed toilets, I bussed tables, I lived on packets of ramen for weeks because that was the only food I could afford, I studied by flashlight, I slept in my car, I walked to work in the rain when I couldn’t afford gas, I studied from outdated textbooks in the library because I didn’t have the money to buy or rent new ones, I attended every career recruiting event, I showed up at office hours to every class I struggled in, I chased every tutoring session until I understood the subject matter, and I was always the first one in and last one out of the classroom or the office wherever I was. I always fought for it. I exhausted every option so that even if I failed, I could sleep peacefully knowing I had done everything in my power to succeed, I had closure that I did my absolute best.

And that’s how I did it.

That’s how a scrappy kid born in poverty in the slums of a third world Southeast Asian country, raised in an unstable home, and burdened with too many challenges to list, became educated, graduated, elevated, and gainfully compensated. To not only survive in life, but to thrive.

[chaniters]

UPSTAGED

I’ve been promising to write this series for so darn long... Finally got an idea on how to start it. Hope you enjoy it! (Sentai themed. This is just the first part, introducing the setting!) 

--------------------------------------------

"You'll never get what you want, you maniac!"

"Now now, Governor... let us keep calm. My terms have been most generous."

"We can't negotiate with terrorists! You know that!"

"I do. But we both know what will happen if I use my disintegration touch on the West Coast's entire gold reserves"

"Ha! The Rangers will stop you!"

"I doubt that, considering I locked them down myself in one of the vaults." You let out a loud cackle.

You got him. You can hurt the system right where it hurts. Money. If the reserves are out, west-coast dollars will lose all value, destabilizing its flourishing economy, the only reason it's status as a free economic zone was never revoked.   And a place like the farm cannot operate in the main country. They have real laws there. Still, it isn't a sure bet. A million things could go wrong if you actually destroy the economy. Too unpredictable. But you know they'll have to relent.

Unpredictable is something the politicians at play hate just as much as you do.

"W... Damnit! Damn you freak...! You wouldn't dare do it! Do you know how much chaos that would cause?"

"Of course I do Governor. And there are many other banks for me to visit after this one, you know... unless you want to tell the world you can't your valuables safe?"

"Go to hell!" he yells exasperated. "I know you won't do it! There's nothing for you to win in this! Why don't you just steal some of the gold?" He doesn't get it. He can't understand that you don't care about money at all.

"You test my patience governor. Perhaps a little demonstration is in orde..." You are interrupted by a loud siren noise from the Governor's office. "What is that?"

"It's the citywide alarm system... what's going on? Are we at war?" the Governor turns to one of his aides, who fumbles a remote control to turn on the TV.

You activate a console on your helm to watch as well. Is he trying to gain time? Maybe you should make a third of the gold reserve evaporate... that ought to make him reconsider.

The Governor's TV settles on the main news channel, as do you.

Mia Ochoa is in Los Diablos according to the labels, reporting from under a table, as pieces of ceiling fall all over. She appears to be at a bar. What the hell is going on and how did you not catch up on it sooner?

"... there is a very unstable situation on the ground, that is unfolding very quickly. The floating disc descended from high altitude at great speed and emitted a blue ray over the fields, which released a swarm of humanoid creatures armed with energy weapons. They are firing indiscriminately on civilians!"

"Quickly! Call all of Los Diablos police stations! Contact Los Diablo's Mayor! Send in the National Guard!" The Governor seems to be going into overdrive mode as his aids run back and forth.

Mia goes on with her reporting.

"I will try to get some images for our viewers! I remind you, we are risking our lives doing this so we might not be able to get the best takes. Also, we might see graphic violence!"

Fuck. Mia Ochoa does not back down, you have to give her that.

The film crew creeps to the bar's door, and soon enough, you can see the armed soldiers. They seem to be wearing similar outfits and move in a robotic fashion. Drones? Worse of all, there is a giant spinning metal disc floating above them. They start firing again and the Mia Ochoa and her camera crew go back inside.

You mute the governor's and the news channels open a third one to Mortum's lab.

"Doctor, are you seeing this?"

"Afraid so Retribution."

"Is this for real?"

"I think so. Never seen anything like this."

"Thank you. I'll get back to you later...I'll be at the lab soon" You close Mortum's and Mia Ochoa's channels and focus on the Governor again.

"Afraid I'm going to have to leave you Retribution," he says.

"WHAT?" you ask outraged.

"I've got a bit of a situation on my hands, can't you see?"

"But the gold reserves..."

"Are irrelevant if I lose an entire city to an alien invasion. All I can say is please don't do it? Thank you"

"..." awkward silence as you have no idea what to even say after that.

"Anyways, I really have to go so..."

"WAIT!" You plead, the roles reversed.

"What for?"

"There might be a win-win situation here... you know what I want. And you have a bit of a situation in your hands. What If I helped deal with it...?"

"You mean work for us? Fight off those things"

"Yes," you say finally.

"I could consider it...yes... You know what if all you want me to do is close that camp of horrors from the feds, I can do it. I'll fucking evict them from the entire West Coast if you want. But I want results!”

“Oh, I’ll get you results! I’ll exterminate those things so fast they won’t know what hit them!” you say energetically

“Also, I want you to release the rangers. We need all hands on deck"

"...fine" you grumble with a complete loss of your previous enthusiasm.

A wave of cold anger flows through your body as you walk towards the smaller vault. You've never done any of this out of revenge or seeking fame, but having someone steal your thunder like this when the governor was right at the palm of your hand..., even if it's an alien... it just makes your blood boil. Whoever's responsible is going down. Big time.

***************************************

"HARDER!" Steel commanded as Herald flung him at high speed against the vault's reinforced gate at great speed. Ortega and Argent joined with a combined strike, but the gate remained impervious.

"Fuck! It's no use!" Charge cursed outraged. Argent continued slashing at the metal, only creating superficial marks. Herald looked defeated, and Steel just studied the gate with his sensors, trying to find a weakness. There was none.

"You're right" he let on sitting on a pile of gold bars. "He got us good this time"

"FUUUUCK!" Charge went on kicking a few bars against the wall. Argent just kept slashing.  

"That's not helping" Herald muttered while trying to get signal with his cellphone.

"At least I'm doing something!" Argent replied breathing heavily. "You'll never get signal! We're in a sealed VAULT!"

"The kid's right" Steel spoke tiredly. "Even if we can’t get signal we have to get someone to open it from the outside. It's not going to magically open just because you..."

And then the gate did just that, unsealing itself.

The Rangers gathered together, shocked to see Retribution on the other side.

"What gives? Lost something here?" Steel asked sarcastically walking over the gate ready to fight. The other rangers assume fighting stances behind him.

"Only my time." His terrifying voice lacked the characteristical aggressiveness this time. "Come out already, we've got a lot of work to do," he said motioning them out.

Steel looked puzzled but then advanced striking a warrior's pose. "I don't know what game you're playing or what you're planning, but it will never succeed! And we'll never EVER work with you!"

"Well tough luck hunk because you're totally going to be seeing a lot more of me! Oh, and by the way, you better hurry to Memorial Park unless you want to be late for your first alien invasion!" He said, before pressing a palm to the bank's wall which instantly dissolved, creating a circular hole for him to escape with his jump jets.

"The fuck?" Steel was astonished

"Did she just call you hunk?" Charge asked with a wide grin.

"What do you mean she? Retribution's clearly a guy!" Steel replied.

"Oh wow... I didn't think you were into...him"

"Wha... No, I mean... I never meant it that way..."

"Come on... first I learn you're gay, now you're really wanting that one to be a guy... I can see where this all leads Chen!"

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT YOU IDIOT!"

"Yeah right," Ortega was cracking in laughter by now.

"Hey I've got phone signal finally," Herald says. "The Mayor's calling us! And the Governor too! We've got to go to Memorial Park right now!"

"Let's go, Herald... They'll catch up when they grow up" Argent said hurrying to the Ranger's helicopter dragging floating Herald by his arm.

Steel and Ortega soon followed.

____________________________

My fanfics: https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/181692759294/my-fanfiction-for-fallen-hero

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and the setting of the Fallen Hero: Rebirth and upcoming Fallen Hero: Retribution games written by Malin Riden. I do not claim ownership of any characters from the Fallen Hero wold. These stories are a work of my imagination, and I do not ascribe them to the official story canon. These works are intended for entertainment outside the official storyline owned by the author. I am not profiting financially from the creation of these stories, and thank the author for her wonderful game/s, without which these works would not exist.

[locitarose]

I’ve officially started rewriting that HP AU and Leonard’s barely even gotten to Gringotts and the word count on this is already more than half of the entire original series so I’d say it’s definitely more detailed. And because I like posting sneak peeks at stuff, here’s a bit of what’s been written so far:

           While most boys would probably shy away from holding their mother’s hand, Leonard didn’t mind. He had been worrying about her and Lisa since she’d convinced his dad that Leonard needed to go to Hogwarts.

           He wasn’t worried about the fact that Lewis had said nothing other than “good riddance” and “at least I’m not paying for that crap”. No, Leonard worried about what Lewis would do when he realized that his mom had taken sixty pounds out of the account so that Leonard could get extra things if he wanted. (Books, he thought, might be his best bet. Books might not be perfect but it’d give him a place to start at the very least.)

            “Mom, we don’t have to convert all—“

            “We do,” she said, interrupting him with a smile as she pushed Lisa’s stroller. They weren’t far from the area that Professor McGonagall had said they’d find The Leaky Cauldron. “I want you to do well at this school, Leo. That means learning as much as you can before you get there. If that means your father gets a little upset, well, then he gets a little upset. I only took out what I deposited from some of my side jobs anyway.”

            Which was even worse, Leonard thought. Mom needed that money. Just in case.

            “Mom—“

            “Leonard Snart, that’s enough.” Her expression softened and she briefly let go of him to run her hand over his hair—what little he let remain at least. Her son had taken to keeping his hair cropped very close to his head two years ago. “I won’t hear any more arguments from you on this. We can afford this much and you need it. That’s final.”

            Leonard stared at her for a few moments and then nodded. “Okay,” he said eventually. His hand slipped back into hers, remembering that Professor McGonagall had said that to see the pub they would go through, his mom would have to be touching him though they’d be fine once they were in Diagon Alley.

            It wasn’t even ten minutes later before Leonard tugged on his mom’s hand. “There,” he said, fighting down the feeling of giddiness that wanted to come over him. As excited as he was, he also knew that he needed to be careful. He had no idea what this new world was like or whether the people were decent or not.

            He’d learned a long time ago that while most people might not be abusive like his dad, they were definitely blind to the abuse. Or they just didn’t care.

            He still hadn’t decided which was worse.

            “Oh,” his mom breathed as she took in the grubby looking pub between the book shop and the record shop. She watched as people walked by as if it didn’t even exist and smiled slightly. “Well, let’s go in.”

            The inside wasn’t very crowded. There were a few people at tables here and there though it wasn’t exactly easy to see inside with how dark it was. There were candles lit throughout the room along with a few lanterns giving off just enough light that a person wouldn’t have to strain their eyes to read anything. Leonard wondered why they didn’t just use lamps but decided against asking just yet. He paused as he caught a glimpse of a newspaper called The Daily Prophet and noticed the picture on the front was moving.

            He glanced away before the person reading it noticed him watching and allowed his mom to tug him towards the bar as she carefully maneuvered Lisa’s stroller between the tables.      

            “Excuse me,” Natalie said once they reached the bar, “but would you happen to be Tom?”

            The balding man blinked at the sound of an American accent before smiling. “That I would, miss! How can I help you today?”

            She smiled. “Professor McGonagall said you’d be able to help us get into Diagon Alley. My son is going into his first year.”

            “Is he now? I’d have thought Ilvermorny with your accent,” he said. Off of Natalie’s confused look, he added, “Ilvermorny is the magic school in America.”

            She nodded in understanding. “We moved here a little over a year ago due to my husband’s work,” she said.

            “Aye, that would explain it,” Tom said. “Come along, let me show you how to get in the alley.” He motioned for them to follow him and led them through the bar and out into a small courtyard with brick walls. There was nothing but a trash can (dustbin, Leonard reminded himself) and a few weeds. He smiled down at Leonard and pulled out his wand. “Now pay attention to this, lad. Once you get your wand, you’ll be able to enter the alley with it. You’ll always use the wall that the dustbin is in front of and count from the top of the dustbin.” He pointed at the bricks. “Three up and two across and then tap three times. You’ll do the same thing on the other side to come back.” As he tapped the brick a third time, he moved to the side. “Welcome to Diagon Alley, folks.”

            Leonard watched, unable to hide his amazement as the brick Tom had tapped quivered and then a small hole appeared in the middle and grew wider, turning into a large archway that led to a cobbled street. Leonard followed its path with his eyes, taking in the way it twisted and turned until it was out of sight and let out a breath. The alley was packed with people, some in colorful robes and others in Muggle clothing like he and his mom were. He felt something loosen inside him.

            It was real.

            Tom smiled at them. “Follow the path all the way to the end. You’ll see a large white building. That’s Gringotts.”

            “Thank you, Tom,” Natalie said absently, staring at the alley with just as much amazement as Leonard. They moved forward and behind them they heard the brick shifting, glancing back to see that the archway had become a solid brick wall again. Leonard allowed himself a grin and turned back, noticing the way his mom was smiling down at him.

            They made their way slowly down the path, taking in the different shops. There were cauldrons—Leonard couldn’t believe they used actual cauldrons—piled high outside the nearest shop.

            “Mum, Dad, look! There’s a new Nimbus,” a boy with messy black hair and glasses practically shouted as he ran by.

            “James, get back here,” his mother called. She frowned at a man that Leonard assumed was her husband. “He gets this from you.”

            “Of course, dear,” the man said with a smirk as he began to pull her in the direction of the shop the boy was standing in front of. “Now come on, there’s a new Nimbus!”

            “I’m only going so that you don’t walk out of there with two new brooms, Monty. Honestly, there’s still Christmas and his birthday to think of and he can’t even take a broom this year.”

            “We can still look, Mia, my love.”

            She sighed. “Fine. But we’re going to the apothecary afterwards. I’m nearly out of asphodel.”

            As they moved passed them, Leonard looked over to the right and took in the sights of all the shops. A place that had to be the apothecary the woman from before had mentioned had a barrel of bat spleens outside. He wrinkled his nose a bit at the smell coming from the shop as they passed. Another was selling robes while the sound of soft hooting could be heard coming from Eeylops Owl Emporium. Another shop had telescopes and a bunch of other instruments that Leonard couldn’t identify. Flourish and Blotts had stacks of books outside around the entrance and the store itself was two stories high. A stationary shop had parchment and quills, across from that was a shop that sold trunks. Leonard thought that’d be a good place to start. At least they’d have a place to put everything they’d need to buy.

            Finally, they reached a sparkling white building with bronze doors that towered over the shops. Leonard fought to keep the surprise as he saw the guard at the door, remembering that Professor McGonagall had told them that goblins ran the bank and it was never a good idea to cross them. As the goblin bowed, Leonard nodded in reply. He wasn’t sure if he was even supposed to acknowledge the goblin but it couldn’t hurt.

            Leonard paused as they reached a second set of doors though these ones were silver and had a poem of sorts engraved on them.

 Enter, stranger, but take heed

Of what awaits the sin of greed,

For those who take, but do not earn,

Must pay most dearly in their turn,

So if you seek beneath our floors

A treasure that was never yours,

Thief, you have been warned, beware

Of finding more than treasure there.

            Leonard paused as Natalie entered the bank, moving off to the side so that he could read the words again. He briefly considered telling his father about this bank just what would happen when he got caught. He dismissed the thought almost as quickly as he’d had it. While Lewis had stopped taking him on jobs due to all the cameras that London had, he was sure that his father would make an exception so that he could use his wizard son to try and rob a wizard bank and Leonard wasn’t about to get busted for his father’s crimes.

            Besides, if Lewis got arrested, it’d leave his mom in a bind. She’d have to try and find a full-time job just to support the three of them and that would mean having to find someone to watch Lisa during the year while he was at school.

            So, as tempted as Leonard was to set Lewis up, he wouldn’t do it. But it was nice to imagine.

            “Trying isn’t worth whatever the goblins would do to you.”

            Leonard turned to find a kid with dark hair watching him, not even bothering to hide his curiosity. He tilted his head.

            “I wasn’t considering it for myself.”

            “Then you must really hate whoever you were considering it for,” the kid said.

            Leonard paused. “Yeah,” he said, not bothering to explain further.

            The kid shrugged. “Long as it’s not me, I don’t care. I’m Mick Rory.”

            Leonard studied him for a few moments and then nodded. “Leonard Snart.”

            They stared at each other for another few moments and then, as if they’d reached some sort of unspoken agreement, headed inside together. A pair of goblins bowed at them as they went through the doors and entered a marble hall. There were hundreds of goblins sitting on high stools behind a long counter. More doors than Leonard had ever seen led off the hall and even more goblins were leading people in and out of those.

            “My parents are already inside but I got distracted by the brooms,” Mick said, scanning the room for his parents. “Ha! There they are.”

            “Leonard!”

            Leonard glanced over to find his mom coming towards him. “Hi, Mom,” he said.

            “Hi, Mom, he says,” she muttered, rolling her eyes. “Don’t wander off.” She focused on Mick. “Sorry. Hello.”

            “Hi,” Mick said brightly. “Sorry, I distracted him.”

            Leonard fought not to show his surprise at the blatant lie.

            His mom smiled. “Well, I suppose I can’t be mad if he was making a friend. I’m Natalie Snart, Leonard’s mom.”

            “I’m Michael Rory but everyone calls me Mick,” Mick told her. “I sort of got distracted by the brooms instead of coming in here with my parents.”

            “I’m sure we can find them.”

            Mick nodded. “I know which lines they’ll go to.” He paused. “Do you need to convert pounds?”

            “Yes,” she said, not mentioning that they’d need to talk to a goblin about fund that helped students pay for Hogwarts as well.

            “That’s the lines furthest over. If you want to open a vault for Leonard, you can ask one of the goblins over there about it too. It takes a bit but I bet my parents wouldn’t mind waiting for you guys.”

            Natalie blinked in surprise. “If they’re okay with it, then we’d love to join you.”

            “I’ll ask then find you,” Mick said. He glanced at Leonard and grinned before moving off towards a group of lines not too far from where they were standing.

            “He seems nice,” his mom said as they headed towards the lines that Mick had indicated before.

            Leonard nodded. “Yeah,” he agreed, thinking of the way Mick had lied to his mom about being the reason Leonard had fallen behind. “He does.”

[the-writings-of-a-lone-hermit]

Hyperlane

"Look me in the eyes," The barkeep stated, both hands palm down on the bar. "I'm not servin' you no more here. Now gittout, scram."

Rolling my eyes, and throwing up an exaggerated shrug, I sigh. "Come on, Shell. All I did was compliment the guy's coat." I groan, leaning back on the barstool.

"A compliment that made me have to replace this whole bar here. You know how much it costs to import genuine wood to this planet? Not to mind one of this size, or quality." He defended, running his hands along the grain. "So go, out, shoo, before you make me break the bank again."

I was about to let loose with a prime witty retort, let me tell you, when a Rath turned and looked us up and down. If you've never had the pleasure of meeting a Rath, be glad. I've got three words to describe them: Nasty lizard folk. "Alright, alright, I'm going. I might drop by again before I ship out, I know you love me, Shell."

Shell just groaned, and waved me off, conjuring a relatively clean rag as barkeeps do, and proceeded to rub down the bar where I'd previously been sitting. Stepping out of the bar, I breathe deeply, stretching my shoulders and popping my back. Overhead I can hear a fighter chase, probably bounty hunters.

A beautiful world, I reminisce. Noct, a planet always in shadow. A rouge planet, a world with no star, spinning alone in interstellar space. Hard to find, almost impossible to leave. See, here in lawless space, you can find anything or anyone here, as long as your credits are good.

Any good, any drug or exotic creature, can be found somewhere here. There's no organization, no official bodies, but you'll never leave without finding something you wanted. The newest military tech, peeled straight from the cold hands of the good old boys fighting the good fight out there? It's here.

And just like objects, anyone can be found here. Accountants, Political Leaders, Assassins, name it, there here. And since Noct doesn't fall under any jurisdiction, you can find things other places might be too queasy for. Gladiator pits, bet on blood and death, Brothels, filled with as much death and twice the blood, even Gladiator Brothels. Magical experiences, those.

But I digress. Need something found? Explorers for hire. Need some one found, oftentimes dead? Bounty Hunters stand on every street corner, and only half are for hire. The others, if you're really that curious, are probably looking to blow their cash on new trinkets, or scanning the crowds for their quarry. Those are some of the less reputable, less respectable occupations. You could even hire yourself some pirates, but that might blow up in your face in more than one way.

Hold up now, I haven't even introduced myself. I'm Dac, part time denizen of this shining slime heap, and a prime time "Goods Relocator." I'm talking big, like my face is on every wanted poster big. Alright, maybe not that big, but a guy can live his fantasies, right?

What, Goods Relocator too esoteric a term for you? What would the law call it... Hold that thought, someone's calling me. Blinking a few times, I turn to the voice that's calling my name. Sure enough, thankfully it's not the law, but some... actually pretty cute girl.

Short hair, black, bowl cut, Brown eyes, hands clasped behind her back. Butter yellow sweater with jeans running down to nondescript shoes. Strangely innocent looking for someone on this planet. "Mister Dac?" She asks again, rocking back on her heels.

Crossing my arms, I cock my head. "Who's asking?" I ask, trying to sound a little tough. Appearances to keep and all.

"Celeste Paira," She states, holding out a hand.

"Dac." I reply, taking her hand (jeez it's soft, I realize) and shaking it. "How can I help you?"

Tilting her head, she rocks back again. "I heard you're a big time smuggler." Ah, there's the term you wanted, I think with a cringe. Always hated it. Makes my job sound so... unrefined, so dirty and common. Like Bounty Hunter, who's the creative mind behind that? "I was looking at perhaps acquiring your services," she continues, completely oblivious to my internal dialogue. At least, I hope.

"I'd love to do a charity case," I lie, "but credits are the grease in this world. Can you keep me rolling?"

She blinks, pauses just long enough for me to almost lose interest, before hitting me with it. "Three thousand upfront, forty seven on arrival."

If I had a drink, I'd have held up my finger, taken a sip, and then blasted it through pursed lips into the street. For all of you who don't live in my day and age, a five credit chip could land you in a pretty post sleeping place with your choicest selections of companions. Three thousand up front? Preposterous.

Keeping my composure, appearances are all and everything, I pop the collar on my ribbed vest. "Three thousand up front? That's some serious coin, kid. Must be something mighty important. When do you need to have it, and where?"

Holding out her thumb, she poked at the bar I'd just exited. "Let's take a table. Somewhere quiet." She states, before heading towards the door.

Grabbing her upper arm, I stop her. "Bad idea. Shell's in a bad mood. And when we're talking the talk we're talking, we want somewhere loud." I say, thumbing at a building across the street. In an officious neon pink color, the sign denoted the building as the Rapacious Raver.

A quiet nod, and we cross the way. Not a minute in, and I already have a headache. The blasted music is making it really hard to focus, and she's got a pout deep enough to sink a neutron star. Leaning across the table, with surprising power and speed, she slams my face into the table, giving the spot I'm sitting at a nice new shade of red as she busts the bridge of my nose on the plastic top.

"One," she starts, the frown not leaving her face, even to make room for speaking. "Never touch me like that again." It's really distracting how her face simply looks like a puppet, her lower jaw moving without changing her overall expression.

"How... how are you doing that?" I ask, head wobbling slightly from the impact.

"Two," she continues, completely ignoring my honest question. "No questions."

"But..." I start, before.

"Three," she's like a train, no breaks, no pauses save to exemplify her points. "We're going to Partifica."

"That's the damn capital of the Paresian Alliance," I interject.

"I'm aware," She responds, her face speaking tomes of how displeased she is with this interruption. Honestly, medusa could learn some tips, her gaze is so cold. They say looks could kill, but this would be like unleashing a black hole on this planet. Which, when really thinking about it, would do the galaxy at large a huge favor.

"Just thought you'd like to know, if you didn't. It's kinda suicide for someone like me." I finish.

A single eyebrow quirks. Like, inches of face appear between the finely plucked line of hair and her eye. "Afraid? I can always find a more courageous smuggler," she says, her expression taking genuine pleasure in watching me cringe at that word.

"No, no, it's fine. Just pointing out the obvious," I say, nonchalantly waving one hand while trying to stem the bleeding.

"Good." She states, pulling a handkerchief out from... somewhere. I actually had no idea. She hands it to me, and motions towards my nose. "Sorry about that. I just needed to make my point." She adds, passing the soft cloth, the whole evil witch demeanor gone, replaced by her original, somewhat innocent one.

"Now then, to the job." She states, putting a particularly shiny looking credit card (More like your old world debit cards, it just holds credits, not some ridiculous lending system. Seriously, how did you survive as a species by spending money that wasn't yours?) on the center of the table. "Three thousand upfront, forty seven on arrival. One container cargo, heading to Partifica. Needs to be there in one or two days, three would be stretching it too thin. All clear so far?"

I nod, my curiosity raging louder than the music I can hardly hear her conspiratorial whispers over. "As an added clause, I'll not be riding with you, and you can't take any detours. Trust me, I'll know." Before I asked a quick question, she shushed me, and continued. "Last clause: You can't open the cas-tainer." She stated. It almost slipped, but her recovery was so smooth even I almost missed it.

"What, you don't think I do discreet?" I ask, incredulously. "A knife to my pride," I say, mocking being stabbed in the heart.

She rolled her eyes, before looking deeply into mine, deadly serious missy back. I really hope she saw some rainbows and sunshine, or some shit, to pull her mood up even marginally. Drat, no such luck. "Do you accept?" she asked, finger beginning to slide the credit card towards me.

"It's not a body, right?" I ask. "I don't ship people, too many questions at customs."

She shook her head. "Not a body."

Smiling, I reached over and placed two fingers on the card myself, before dragging it out from under her fingers. "Deal."

[mo-torious-mo-blog]

Twitter.com/motorious_cafe

[CHANGING MY NAME TO: Mo (first name) Torious (last name)] i asked my parents if I could come up to westchester to have dinner with them, or to briefly stay while I looked for an apartment. They said no. It’s funny, Dr Tabar at Belkvue Hospital (Dr Mounir, intake), told me that I should cut off my relationship with my mother. The only reason my father asked me to attend her 80th birthday party, was to keep up appearances. Before the night was over, and after my speech (unmmmzm....I got you a car), he told me in no uncertain terms that I am no longer welcome in his house. I dove get it. His brother Ladipo Fayemi is a caseworker at HRA HASA, who never once intervened for me, and who nobody in that agency thought to refer my case to. Mr. McCoy, used to make fun of the name. No matter, I no longer want to be called that. I told them that since my father still continues to lie about not having received a copy of the doctored IRS Filings which Lucy Ostrofsky (acting in house counsel) had filed, directly ignoring my instructions, before I was forced out of the company and off the corporate bank account (it takes 3 members of management: myself, Richard McGinnis (Kurt Salmon Associates), President of Motorious Retail Stores (m&m/Mars Family: sponsor of Kyle Bush’s Toyota at NASXAR), patent holder, casino slot machine algorithms) and Philip Munger (who once, unbeknownst to me, withdrew $5,000 in cash from his personal Citibank account, and deposited it into my (the corporate) account, triggering FBI Money Laundering Red Flag: I have never even seen $5,000.00 in cash in one place in my entire life. I spent $500 to $10,000/month on my AMEX PLATINUM: and repaid it within 30 days. Beginning in 1992. Until I didn’t and went bankrupt for $60,000. Bottom line: I don’t trust the man, and he and I no longer have a relationship. All he and my mother have done is agree with the psychiatrists who keep diagnosing me with paranoid delusions that I run a company. All this, I believe, because the only company he ever ran, ended up in trouble with the IRS. I’m beginning to be really suspect about his book selling and his AIDS Charity for orphans in Africa. Before he kicked me out of the house, he asked me if I wanted to help him with his Foundation, and I said « no » I want German citizenship. A look at my brief work history shows I never stay in 1 place very long. What’s wrong with having wanted a change and to seek opportunities abroad? Science Advisers, led by Norman Heyman, Jean Robert Le Shufy, and Kevin DeVito (New Capital Horizons, the US arm of New Capital AG in Switzerland: COPE Holdings (XTERA DAX | NASDAQ) Zuggero, CEO | lent ICV, llc (Integrated Concepts Vehicles, llc, Flipboard.com/@ICV_llc, the first $137,000 after I had lent the corporation $60,000. MOTORIOUS MONEY GRID: says $100,000.00 loan am was made by Phil Munger on November 1, 1999. If that had been the case, why were none of the vendors at the show paid, and why did I receive a phone message on December 31, 1999 from Philip Munger: joe@planetvida.com.br, the DAY AFTER I received a message from Wayne Irving of Spin Records that he had secured $25 Million from ING Barings? My only Full Time Employee: John Goodwin, who I met at Pump No 8 at the Mobil Gas Station in Rancho Palos Verdea, took a salary of $80,000.00 + benefits + expense reimbursement, where on July 2, 1999 he secured an LOI with the Make A Wish charity for a proposed October 31, 2000 Charity Rade at Texas Motor Speedway. He had 9 months to secure a deal with Ford to provide NASCAR vehicles for the event, which was supposed to commemorate 100 Years of Motorsports in America, and also commemorate both Ford and Harley Davidson’s 100th Anniversary. Moose returned saying that the sponsors (especially the protected sponsor, Coke, will not let the drivers out of their contests to drive the event) Autoweek Magazine, the same issue it quoted several drivers as wanting to participate, reported that My Apple Laptop « had ears ». Motor Trend Magazine wrote an article entitled « The Automotive Analyst », a « fictitious story about a Wall Street analyst having problems with his wife, while talking to his shrink. The concluding sentence: « Build The Car » My only contribution to Ford would have been when I called the $3 million monstrosity (Focus) built by John Colletti and Motor Trend: Ian Cartabiano has penned a sick Mis-Engined Ford Focus Rally Car, which was to have shared a platform with the Renault R5 (Nissan: where Doi had previously worked after NCIS). That, and the referral from Mark Stehrenberger to Scott Sharpe Racing, to [Ford Tuner: I ferget] , who wrote a proposal for tuning the 4.0 liter Jaguar V8 for the Motorious Show Stand, as a potential BMW M5 competitor. Of the $137,000.00 loan, $50,000 went to Mark Stehrenberger Design, who was to generate 3 proposals for the Deusenberg PHAETON: Mercedes Benz Ocean 4 door convertible concept...to. E build at the DRESDEN Factory in Germany), the other $50,000 went to Robert Marianich in Huntington Beach, who was to have converted his studio, and built a « clay resurfaced » proposal of the RIVOLUZIONW: 1999 LA Auto Show, next to Shelby Series One (I met Carroll at Jay Leno’s, where he asked me to contact his assistant, Pearlita Shelby, about helping him with production of the OLDSMOBILE AURORA Engined SERIES ONE: autopsia.wordpress.com, slated to return to INDYCAR, to replace the Honda unit, now that they created Touring Car. I wanted to get the rights to MG ROVER (BBC: BMW’s English Patient), known as Rover Sterling 825 in America (Acura Legend): ARCONA | After the misérable failure of Phoenix Holdings, which paid Queen Elizabeth the nominal sum of £10, and then before becoming the four most overpaid executives in the UK Auto Industry. I even went so far as to ask Lakshmi Mittal (Arcelor Mittal and Harris’s) if he would help me to purchase Land Rover from TATA. CAR AND DRIVER MAGAZINE (Hearst Publications: Vladimir Putin) April Fool’s | Toyota buys Oldsmobile Trademark for $5,000. FIAT acquire the right to the Oldsmobile Aurora Engine through my partnership with Carroll Shelby, Gets the Oldsmobile Dealerships (10 year warrante on the engine), Change the nage to Alfa Romeo, and modify the engine for use in US Alfa’s, like the GT-V8, Spider Véloce (Duetto V8: BMWfilms.com Béat the Devil). Unfortunately, John Goodwin went bankrupt, my ex-wife had a hidden camera in our bedroom vent (Waiting to Exhale, Bernadine’s Rage: 6624 Oceancrest Drive, RPV, CA, 90275). And all of our personal and my corporate accounts were closed on August 14, 2001, due to malfeasance on her part: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6vwNcNOTVzY [The Private Bank: Union Bank of California (Mitsubishi Sumitomo: KIRETSU): Peggy Fahnestock, Gloria Marquez: who refinanced my BMW Financial Loan from JP Morgan Chase, because it was higher interest rate than a similarly situated white nan, all other things being equal. The VENDETTA (redesigned Rivoluzione: 200 LA Auto Show, was in an accident THE FIRST DAY I DROVE IT. I didn’t even make it to the highway. There was at least $100,000? In customization (hand hammered and rolled Aluminum body parts riveted and bonded to the steel: Robin Officer, Captain Metal, Magic Mountain, CA (A Kiwi). who I believe, was interviewed on the Jay Leno show dresses in drag. By keeping all the receipts to every modification, the insurance company: GEICO, had to first restore the vehicle to its original condition, THEN, cover all the replacement customization which they did, before canceling my policy the sane day the lease on my 328i was repossed, with $5,000.00 worth of renderings and sketches by Ian Cartabiano, which actually appeared in Bimmer Magazine in 1998. My mother refuses to give me my birth certificate. Whats wrong with this picture? mo torious On Oct 14, 30 Heisei, at 2:25 AM, mo torious wrote: David Ebersman, Will you be the part time CFO on my private placement? except for the fact that Angel List is formerly Google, and I found it impossible to do due diligence on who people claimed to be. since I came from Wall Street, and have helped raise over $500 Million for companies during my career, even though it is many years later, I still know many of the same people. The first person who made a referral for me, was Paul Howard of HQH: Hambrecht & Quist Healthcare, in NYC, when he introduced me to his MIT Sloan School Claasmate, Douglas A Doi (founder of Doi Golf). I see his name on many research publication footnotes, such as the NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL OF MEDICINE ARTICLE: The Beginning is the End of AIDS. The second referral came from Barney Hallibgby, who introduced me to Doug Casey at Gates Capital at 200 Park Avenue, New York, NY, who floats Government Bonds and Municipal Bonds for manufacturing, such as at the March Global Port, which was a former military base turned into a commercial port. As part of the 3Q/2001 earnings report, as quoted in the Wall Street Journal, William Clay Ford, III made two announcements: 1. We are no longer pursuing our aftermarket strategy. (usurped and mismanaged by Jacques Naaser) 2 We can no longer afford to spend 11.1% of sales, on Marketing/Advertising. Bad news for Ogilvy/Mather. Possible 11.1% increase in margins. William Clay Ford: Uber is losing hundreds of millions to billions every year. If All the risks are borne by the driver, why can’t they turn a profit? The following article on the same page of the WSJ, was that The Blackstone Group « was looking for its next big deal ». Instinct tells me to defer from inviting them, or Goldman Sachs or any of its clients (like Facebook and Twitter) to participate in this private placement. http://fortune.com/2012/02/01/meet-the-man-behind-the-facebook-ipo/ https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=B5gQoZEZn04 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=O8PM_EybRdo https://dealbook.nytimes.com/2012/07/01/facebook-not-feeling-friendly-with-nasdaq/ https://www.forbes.com/sites/ericsavitz/2012/09/04/facebook-sets-another-new-low-nyt-rips-cfo-ebersman/ mo torious On Oct 13, 30 Heisei, at 10:56 PM, mo torious wrote: M_DriversLicense (@onyx_project) 2/6/28 H, 12:51 PM i-am-motorious.tumblr.com/post/129742049… ⁦‪@AngelList‬⁩ ⁦‪@UBSf1‬⁩ ⁦‪@UBS‬⁩ frontinalispartners.com ⁦‪@Ford‬⁩ @LapoElkann_LE ⁦‪@Zurich‬⁩ ⁦‪@CreditSuisse‬⁩ pic.twitter.com/2pZqP9LAin

[we-wandering]

Starcity

Chapter 1 over the mountain over the hill and welcome to star city

Welcome to star city. The most advanced place in the galaxy. Earn coins, and participate in challenges. I am GAME, and here I keep the balance. I am not a being but I am starcity. We are the future tech. Everything u dream of in the future is here in stacity. 

Incuriso.

I walk down the road. The street light flickers on and off, where I live. My run down apartment is the only building left from the olden city, celestial city. Some wish to destroy it, but even if my status is low, it is my property. I lie down as I pick up my knife, whittling out a machine from scrap metal that I own.

Delta.

Today I am on the top of the list. “YES! NUMBER ONE”. Top shrade in the world. Oh and if u dont know, a shrade is a participant in the games. Got more than 1 million coins in my bank. Top citizen. I wear glasses, and if you ask my age, there are none in star city, only levels. Mine is 1051. I'm the second most famous person in the world, only to lord game. I AM DELTA.

 CHAPTER 2 MYSTERIES OF GAME 

Incuriso

As I reach the end of the corner there is a big bright screen everywhere. However today is different. All the screens around me usually show games but now there is an ad. GAME, is choosing his right hand man. People are always happy here. There are no problems. Everything is perfect except for me. I’m the odd one out. And that’s going to earn me victory.

Delta.

I see the sign the GAME is choosing his partner. Hm. I'm usually pretty modest but it's gotta be me. I mean c'mon I'm the best shrade. Gotta be chosen right?

Incuriso

My name is incuriso. I am different. I am well known in a bad way. I am a mechanic, but not for good use. I’m a virtual mechanic. A hacker. 

Delta.

Whew, my team (Delta airlines) JUST FLYIN AWAY WITH 700 wins IN ONE DAY! LIFe is great for me. I see my total coins fly up to 7billion.I mean what could I wish for more besides that seat with GAME. No ones ever seen him or even if he is a him. He is a it. He is all.

Chapter 3 TIME TO PLAY

Delta.

Today is the day of the battle, the day of the chosen. The day I have been training to never let my family, my friends and my city down. This is the day that I beat the world. The FORGE is the game of choice from Game himself, we all then spawn in. I check my chest to see that there is a magic artifact already. The grades of weapons are Ordinary, Strengthened, Magic Artifact, Prized Artifact, Sacred Artifact and a special weapon in the center of the arena which is no artifact nor weapon, it is a hammer that allows you to forge weapons yourself. I studied up on this and don’t plan on losing. I charge at the nearest contestant and stab him with the magic artifact, a lance at the stage of a tier 2 artifact, dealing -80 points of damage. Each person starts with 100hp, so this was a powerful attack. He counters with his ordinary sheild. Pathetic. I finish him off and go to the center where I see someone else, their name is apparently Bathtub. They possess a Sacred artifact? I frown as I slide under the forging table and slice her legs. A -60 damage as a crit? I feel a tingle down my spine as I see the tier of this weapon is 8 in the sacred artifact realm. 9 realms to ordinary, 9 to strengthened, 9 to magic, 9 to prized and 9 to sacred. Only 1 tier away from being the strongest weapon in the arena, but I grin as I stab her chest, dealing a normal hit of -39. She then laughs as she hits me but I block with the shield I looted earlier, dealing a -98 to me. 98!!! Out of 100!!! A 2hp vs a 1hp battle, whoever can hit first. I charge and throw my lance, dealing the remaining -43 that I need. The rest of the battle is easy once I reap the lives of the others, only wielding strengthened or magic artifacts. I am about to win this contest… Time to make the donuts… 

CHAPTER 4 Time to dance

Incuriso

I hear the GREAT O GAME. Is calling his partner Shulk. “ Whatever I think not like I care”. I am hacking into the newest challenge. The championship challenge. I hop on in right as Delta kills the last person, but using a specific command, I teleport behind him, and using my infamous commanders blade that I bought with a rich mans talisman that I found on the street, I stab Delta. A -9001 appears on his head as he falls over. Over 9000, just how I coded it.

Delta

“WHAT GOING ON I SHOUT” Suddenly I get the U LOSE SCREEN. “WHAT?” I am so confused. So is everyone else. Then I see a person donning a black cloak, weilding a small blade. “NO” I think. “NONONONONONO” It was Incuriso, the poor man, the weakling, the hacker, the beast and the outlaw.

Chapter 5 SHULK.

Incuriso

I LAUGH UNTIL I CRY, As I see Delta's face turn red to purple to a strange shade of green. But I stop when the game makes an announcement. Our winner to be Shulk is now Incuriso. My face freezes. WHat did he say? WHAT THE HECK DID GAME JUST SAY? I ponder as I realize, this contest is for all thy marbles. My new assistant, Game announces, is Qwert. I grin evily as I shout, OH QWEEERRRRTTTTTYYYYYY...

Qwert

I am a literal person who just likes to do stuff. I don’t have a job, I just get money from the bank. I have no idea how but I'm just a normal person , as I am carrying 20 laptops to my office, my master yells...QWERT….I drop the box shattering the laptops and rush towards my masters room. As I see what is happening my eyes widen. Incuriso is now GAMES first in command.

SHULK

My name is now Shulk. GAME has chosen it. I cannot resist. Suddenly a light flashes before me. All of a sudden I am no longer in my home. I am somewhere I dont know. I find myself on the ground of a digital world. This place feels infested with energy. Everywhere I feel a small static on my feet. “Where am I?” Suddenly I hear a voice. “Welcome incursio”. Suddenly out of nowhere, a door opens revealing a very bright light. I squint covering my face with my arm. Suddenly I see a silhouette. Is this game I think?.

Game

I see incursio. He is still in his black cloak. He cannot see me. I am not human but everything. I tell him “U are chosen”. “U will be my second in command to help the citizens”. He responded with an astonishing loud shout “WHY ME!!!!???”. I think “ Jesus just go with it man u know ur smart”. But instead I say “because u are intelligent and u are not like normal human beings”.

Shulk

Yeah right I’m intelligent. You chose me because I hacked into the contest and won in the end. Do you think I’m stupid? I then see a table of materials in front of me as game tells me to make something. I don’t know what it is, just a bunch of noise, so I use the materials to make a lightweight mechanical arm. A simple build, really, but Game’s eyes flash as he nods. Good job, he says, as his presence disappears.

CHapter 6 PANDA PANDA PANDA WHAT?!

Qwert

WHAT??? I see incursio flash out of existence before my eyes. “Awhat now” I say aloud. What just happened. A panda suddenly jumps right into me and suddenly vanishes. I AM SOOO CONFUSED? “What what what what” i say this alone. Then everything goes black.

Qwert

I woke up not where I was before. Something in me does not feel good. “AAAUGGG” I scream until I see a face. It's not Incuriso. It's a panda. I somehow know it's a he.  Confused, I focus on him. He is blue and a bit transparent. However he does look like a normal panda. He stares at me for one second and vanishes. I am left alone again.

Chapter 7: A new Beginning Shulk: I start up a new store, though my mechanic skills are good, I have always wanted to be a forger. I have made countless machines, but they don’t symbolize anything for anyone. Now that I had the riches to do so, I started up a forging station in the center of the town, calling it the Ancient Anvil.

Game: Looking into Shulks background, I see he was poor and a sad fellow. He may have cheated in this contest, but in the end, he is the chosen one. I would have chosen delta, but the calling from the spirits of my mind told me something. 

Delta: WHAT IS HAPPENING WHAT IS HAPPENING GET THE VOICES OUT MY HEAD WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU HERE PLEASE JUST GO AW- and I felt that the race was unfair. Though I didn’t win and might not have won, I feel that -SLAY HIM AND HIS GANG OF CHEATERS, DINE ON HIS BLOOD AND -out of the -AHHHHHH -what is that noise? My head was splitting apart when I heard this. There was another voice. A voice telling me to destroy starcity. I scream and spit blood out. Gasping for air I hear the voice commanding me to destroy it. “DESTROY IT, DESTROY IT” the voice taunted. I could not taken anymore. My hands were on my head. Then I fainted on the ground. Chapter 8: The era of peace

Game: I have recruited some other helpers to run the city, and things seem to be going well. Shulk has created a forging station, I hired both a doctor for this city named bathtub and an assistant to help run my own shop, the orben. Shulk then later offered to help me run the orben as well, he seemed pretty eager to do so…

Shulk: I saw the orben one day and noticed, this is quite powerful. Some of my old habits came back as I offered to take the assistant job for the orben. I powered up the machine and hacked into its database, ruining the motherboard and connecting the power source to a different machine when I realized that this man had put his trust into me, I shouldn’t do this. I was changing.

Bathtub: I’m a doctor, and my medicine is ice cream. I like ducks and ice cream, but I saw that Shulk was making a weird machine so I walked over. He suddenly stood up and threw a wrench down, destroying the machine. It was a terrifying sight, not because he threw the wrench, but because of the green explosion that followed. Chapter 9: The darkness that descends

Game: I have invited delta to join our sect, and though he seems a bit out of it, I feel that this is only fair since Shulk did cheat to win. He will be placed 3rd in command, only to Shulk and myself. This should help him calm down a bit.

Shulk: Game has invited Delta to join us, but I feel that this is not good for me. I will for sure be taken as a traitor in his mind, he uses his power to stop me, kill me and destroy me. Though this worries me, I sneer in my head, wanting him to do something for I will end him if he tries.

Delta: Game is inviting me? Does he not fear that I will kill his precious Shulk? My mind is now full of memories from the past, for I can see the relationship between the two, the blood and souls that connect them. The dynamic duo that is seen as Hero and Sidekick, but I will destroy this now. The power I possess is enough to blow up many worlds and realms. It is almost time.

Chapter 10 Continuing

Incuiso/SHULK

Everyone's day is the same as SHULK. Taking care of citizens, making sure there is order, and attending meetings. I do wish I was back to my old life. After, what it seemed like a million presentations and meetings, I finally get back to the apartment and call Qwert. This time, I don't hear footsteps. I do not see his red jacket. I see nothing. “Qwert?” I call out “If this is a joke it's NOT funny” That's when I see a panda.

Delta

During the meeting, I cloned myself and was able to get around unnoticed planting plasma explosions. I was not supervised and was alone. I kept my dark hood over my head so no one could see me. However these bombs were not just the biggest part of my plan. I was changing. I was making an army.

CHapter 11Turning different

Delta

After the “SHULKCADENT” SHULK INCIDENT as they call it. Life went on. The person who took my 100th grand final win is in second power. WHY! I don’t know because GAME is a jerk. That's when I decided to kidnap qwerty

Qwert

Suddenly I see Delta. DELTA??!!!. Why would he be here. I try to get up but then I see I am chained to the ground. I see the triangle sign. Of course. That's when I see that the great Delta is different. His glasses are off. His eyes are purple and he has robot parts on him I have never seen before. “Uh hi!” I says nervously. He just walks past me like i am not even there. “Hey uh could u take me off these chains and uh get me a snack?”He glares at me. “Well ok then” I think. “ Ill just stay here uh ok he he” I feel a drop of sweat trickle down my face. He fades out of view. Then I developed a stutter. 

Delta: As I watch from the sunset of a great tower I start to think. I have never dreamed of, but as I make myself stronger with magic and technology, I develop an army. A dark spirit army, forged by black goo they are almost impossible to destroy. I chuckle darkly, telling myself that someday Game will be under my control. 

Shulk

Confused, I stare. I no longer wear a black robe but now a black windbreaker, blending in with the normal citizens I do not like to be noticed. As the panda vanishes I feel a sense of panic. Who would do such a thing to qwert. 

Chapter 12 The fall

Qwert

I hear an explosion. “W-was that a bomb?” Another one again.” What was th-that?!” I see Delta watch from a big glass wall. Standing straight with his hands behind his back. Hearing his metal fingers click together, I suddenly hear several explosions. I struggle trying to be free from these chains but suddenly, Delta comes at me and grabs something. In an instant my life escapes before my eyes. I feel a seering pain in my chest. A cold metal object sliding into me. It hurts. I glance down seeing red liquid pouring down. It was a moment, an instant, Then my heart stopped. 

Game

I feel a disturbance. Something chaotic. Something dangerous. I press the button to call for shulk but as I do, I notice something is very, very wrong. The button was a trap.

Shulk

I run seeing Starcity explode before my very eyes. I run. My heart pounds against my chest. My arms fly over my head. BOOM. Another explosion. I see people scream and run. Rocks and smoke fly. I have no time to help others. I am focused on my survival. I hear cars screech. Police shouting. Several more explosions. Suddenly I pull out a device in my pocket and I become transparent. The small pebbles hitting me no longer hurt. Everything flies through me. TV screens with ads fall down, houses and buildings fall. This IS A NIGHTMARE. I see are forces of robots are barely enough to stop the darklings. Starcity will fall. I pull out my blade and roar, charging into the enemy forces. I slash, firing powerful spells. My body is with rage as I run through the darklings slashing them to bits. As I get through every single one of them, they reform. I feel a sense of panic I have never felt before. My body is full of fear. I hear my heart pumping, and for a split second I freeze. I never freeze in battle. Realizing what I have doneI jump into a void portal teleporting me to the highest building.

Chapter 13 A game for GAME

Game

I focus hard and I search through citizens. My spirit weaving through the crowd running until I reach the last building. Delta is standing there. I can sense his darkness. He must know I am here and says “ you may call me the undertaker. He says with a bow and jumps out of the window, landing on his feet. I growl as I shoot my primary energy at him, but he dispells it and laughs. Time to say goodbye, he chuckles.

Shulk

As much as I hate starcity, I loved messing with it and tricking the people. Too bad that the whole place is blowin up. Suddenly, I see Delta. Is he responsible for this? Seems like this. Even though I might not like starcity I see Game as the great Leader and honor him. I have changed. Suddenly Game somehow gives me the thought to give me the proof Delta did this. Then I realize this is all my fault. I am the one who ruined Delta by hacking.  feel a pain as I see starcity fall, but I fall as I see Delta throw a knife in the air. It stops and falls like it hits someone. Then I feel GAME no longer. The link formed as we ruled together had grown from allies to friends, but this feeling was gone. HE is dead. It's over.

Game: A knife is in my chest and I fall over. My essense and soul start to dissipate as I fade away, but something pulls me into the void below. It calls for someone called astro, but I don’t know who this is. I blast in the direction of the voice with a weapon that shulk gave me, but the voice only chuckled as it said, you know you’re guilty, just lie down and take the punishment. I fear I can no longer take it as I am swirled away, consciousness disappearing… I fight back but fail to win… I… am no more… 

Shulk

I desperately take out a device that is called that randomizer. I shoved a few portals to a few dimensions in there, and it takes something out and gives it to you. I can be a weapon, a food, a pill, a monster, even the entire dimension. I use it and it shoots a blade out to me. I grab it and feel the overwhelming power from it. Its called the Abyssal Blade. I use it to summon a doppelganger and some phantoms, looking for the undertaker so I may destroy him.

Game

It was a moment, a minute, a whole day. I can feel myself disappearing. It feels like falling. Falling into a big void. All I can think of is, dizzy, death,......Star. My mind swirls, I cannot explain how it felt. It was like I met face to face with the underworld. I fall deeper and deeper into my mind, but before it's too late, I see light. Something is pulling me back to the world of the living. I can feel it. There is something keeping me here and I don’t understand why. 

Delta/Undertaker

As my army of darklings advance. I know I am going to win. Then I turn fully dark. A monster. Black and purple. I am no longer human. I am. The. Undertaker. I watch as the city is burned to crisps. The people enslaved and GAME died. I jump down. My eyes dark with hatred. I weave a giant spell. A dark spell and open a black hole destroying every bit of the city left. Suddenly, I am light headed. Shulk charges to me and I summon a vortex of small demons to take care of him, but I become he other Delta for a split second. Then I am darkened once more. I laugh as I realize, both versions of me want to kill Shulk. I am all powerful. I am… the undertaker… AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME!

Shulk

My body is fueled with rage. No matter how many times I slash, these darklings will not DIE! That's when me and Delta meet eye to eye. We stop for an instant. Gazes locked on each other. Something is different. His eyes are dark, there is dark magic inside him. This is not the real Delta, but I must kill him if I must.

Blood ties chapter 13

Bathtub

Delta may have destroyed the city, but he did not effect the people. I rush everywhere healing people. My legs move as quickly as they can. I can feel my heart pounding in fear. The hard dirt beneath my feet. Everything is silent, until a flash of light appears at the corner of my eye. I hear people gasp. It's the darklings. 

Shulk

Me and my robotic troops hold off the darklings allowing people to escape, but suddenly I see several escaped or line sort of walls. The people are behind us and I rush towards them, my anger boils. I can feel my memories of hatred from others, the scary history of my childhood, and I can feel something powerful winding up inside me. I dash dodging spells. I feel the grip of my long blade in my hand. I jump, sword over my head aiming at the middle of them. Then my instincts take over. My blade emits light around it with yellow and green fire. Not knowing what I am doing, I squeeze the handle of my blade and spin. Slamming the weapon down it creates a wave of bright blue color. I killed them. Maybe not all of them but I killed some. My gaze turns to the people who are watching me in awe. I have no time for praise as I sense more coming. My foot turns into a batting stance. I feel the dust against my face. I am bruised and dirty. Brown dirt covering my face. I raise my sword preparing to take on a whole army...ALONE.

Bathtub.

I can see one man standing alone. Against a whole army of almost indestructible monsters. I am powerless to do anything. However, I see a flash of light and I am not where I was before. I am in a library.  Someone had summoned me here, but without me the people will all die.

Shulk

I watch behind me as the doctor suddenly disappears out of her will. Without her, the people will die. I shout to the people “use what you have and help me fight! It is no use, since we will all die.” I guess my speech was more...uplifting then what I thought before. I see the people rise as the monster's approach. I can hear the legs pounding against the floor. They are black and purple coming in different sizes. Some look like ash piles together, others look like glue, some look like those stranger things stuff. People pull out weapons they have from games, and then fight.

Delta

I watch as the people get up to fight. I snort, “there going to die trying” I think. 

 Chapter 14 The final step

Shulk

We plunge into battle. My emitting light is gone. The only thing we can do is weaken them as much as possible. As we fight I slash everywhere. Dashing here there. I see people fall, but I know it will happen anyway. When there are the smallest amount of people left, I pull out the void device. The power is dead. I make a frustrated groan as I fall back. I pull out another small device that becomes larger as I press a button. I am now the only one left. The monsters rush at me. Frantically, I point the device at me. My brain screams in fear and tells me to run, but I jab the device into me, I feel a pain searing through my belly. My knowledge and conscious transfers into the device. My body dies just as the monsters reach it. Then my consciousness in the device teleports into the void.

Delta

My dry and cracked mouth makes an evil grin as I see or at least think my minions killed Shulk. I see his body on the ground. I did it and I won. I am the Undertaker.

Game

I wake up, not as game anymore, but as someone else. I have knowledge of more magic then ever. I walk by as people bow to me. They seem like I was there ruler and that I have been ruling for a while. It is very confusing. I feel the nice bright sun over my face, and as I sit down on a chair to analyse the place I see one of Shulks conscious devices. Is that him?  Suddenly, memories flow into me.

Shulk 

My conscious sees alternative universes, dimensions. This is something that was impossible. As I am stuck in a small box, I see myself dying, or living, I see myself become powerful. Game alive. Delta good. My mind swirls. My conscious puts itself on the glass window trying to get a close look, but it moves too fast. It speeds up, going faster and faster.  I see rainbows and different colors. I become dizzy and everything goes black. 

Delta

After starcity, I feel a hunger for more fear. I want more destruction. Suddenly I become myself again but only for an instant as my eyes turn dark again and I find my next location to devour. The overstar.

Epilogue

Qwert

I woke up. My sight is blurry as I see my hands. I am supposed to be dead. I take in my surroundings. Am I in heaven? I see gold and books. It looks like it. Suddenly I see someone. Someone who I can sense is very powerful. And it appears that he has no good intentions. Hello, Qwert, he smiles. Its me, your new master, the undertaker, but you may remember me as… I freeze as I hear the name… D E L T A 

Bathtub

Hello, I am the bathtub.  Own the hospital. Using magic I can create magical ice cream that can heal everything. However that is not bringing back a life. However, before he fell and died,  Game told me something, eyes wide open. “You are more than just the doctor”, he said, “you are the traitor”.  He tumbles to the ground as I gasp to myself. This is who I am. I am a bathtub, only survivor of the crisis, the apparent traitor and spy, and the last one standing. 

The Librarian

I am the librarian, was once the Great Librarian of star city, now taking it as my base and refuge of the others for the citizens of star city. I knew I might have to run, so I ejected the library, making a new smaller planet called the overstar, with many different regions within this library. Star city may have been great, but it is now a broken down rock in space. The great shulk, bathtub and many other citizens came with me, but I fear that this place will decolate in no time… I don’t know if I can protect my citizens… I fear… I will die trying… 

[mikeyhatesit113]

forever and never: Chapter 5

Our loud voices go back and forth, shouting from opposite ends of the apartment. It’s another fierce argument, most certainly from another insecure moment.

She screams at me, defending her position. I shout back, following her as she walks away into the kitchen. More words are fired like speeding bullets. They are vicious words with intent to harm.

I say something that strikes a nerve.

Janie balls her fists and slams them into a country style window wall decoration, shattering the glass. The shards rain down upon the floor, and the anger immediately evaporates.

There is only sorrow, now.

I walk up to her slowly, sobbing as I take her hands into mine. There are cuts.

“Why did you do that?”

Welcome to Hell.

The most prevalent emotion that overshadowed this period of time was anxiety.

Will she go back to Jay?

Anxiety.

Rushing home to make sure I’m there to witness Jay picking up the kids, so I’m not blindsided if she jumps in the car and rides off with him.

Anxiety.

The deleted text exchanges and phone calls I wasn’t there for.

Anxiety.

During a time when we were supposed to feel more secure than ever, security was nothing more than a mirage.

How can you have trust, when you’ve built your foundation on lies and secrets?

In all those pop songs you hear on the radio about wanting someone else’s “bae”, none of them really cover what happens after you finally end up together.

Well I will.

From a personal standpoint, I was on a tight rope with no safety net. I was estranged from my friends and family, and my father had dropped off all of my personal belongings on Janie’s porch. I was no longer playing with house money. In the event of a breakup, I would be homeless.

The first few months were very uneven, to put it lightly. Everything between Janie and I was a question, including if the divorce papers would actually be signed. Though the process was well underway, I also knew that it could be terminated at any point.

That fear persisted until I found out that Jay started seeing someone new. Her name was Tawny, and she would later become his wife.

Things changed for Janie, as she was no longer able to try to walk into Jay’s apartment when picking up the kids. Janie would march up to his apartment but Tawny would stop her at the door and do the exchange from there.

After Jay started dating Tawny, you could feel the dynamic change in our own relationship. I felt slightly more secure now that Jay was moving on, and if I had to guess, Janie felt more locked in to her situation with me, though maybe not entirely by choice.

As fate would have it, Jay and Janie finally signed their divorce papers.

I remember that day like it was only yesterday, the anxiety turning my stomach upside down as I watched her leave for the notary to get everything finalized. I stood there in the quiet apartment alone, fear stoking images in my head of them changing their minds at the last second.

I dumped some ice cubes in a glass before pouring myself some iced tea, trying to calm my nerves. I took a sip and was horrified to find a dead fly sticking out of the top frozen cube.

A friendly greeting from the Gods.

Though I’ll never know what was said between them, it’s hard to envision Janie being strong, signing papers with no emotion, and dissolving a union she had seemingly fought so hard to dispose of. There’s no doubt in my mind that she was emotional that day, and I wouldn’t have put it past her to try to save her marriage at the buzzer.

Nevertheless, Janie returned home that day on the verge of tears, papers signed. Upon being questioned, she simply offered it was because it was the end of one chapter of her life, and the beginning of the another. I eagerly accepted this explanation.

The holiday season soon followed, and Janie and I hosted Thanksgiving, as I had been informed by my father that I was not welcome at my own family’s annual celebration. “Why don’t you sit this one out?” I recall him telling me over the phone.

I’d say that our own Thanksgiving was a success, but I was recently informed by a reliable source that Janie reached out to Jay in tears because she didn’t know how to cook a turkey. So, maybe Thanksgiving wasn’t as special of a day as I previously thought.

However, Christmas was a guaranteed success. Among some other trinkets I put a lot of thought into, I bought Janie a brand new Hamilton Beach blender. Admittedly, she did seem rather underwhelmed.

Turns out, this blender was a very different type of gift than the previous gifts she was accustomed to receiving from Jay in past years. Apparently, Janie was used to gifts of the higher priced variety, including jewelry, name brand items, etc.

20 year old Ekim Pper had a long way to go in finding out what women really wanted, evidently. I thought it was a nice blender, anyway.

Janie liked nice things, and who could blame her? I saw further evidence of this when I bought a newer vehicle, and she didn’t seem too thrilled about it. My vehicle was over 15 years old, and it had finally given out on me. After buying a Toyota Matrix from a pre-owned lot, Janie questioned why I got to drive the newer car while she had to drive her older vehicle.

Without hesitation, Janie and I went back to the pre-owned dealership and she drove off the lot with a new Toyota of her own. Both vehicles were solely in my name, as from my understanding, getting any kind of approval may have been difficult for her.

As for her older vehicle, which was almost 10 years old and still had a high balance on it due to questionable refinancing moves, one might speculate that it was repossessed. Who knows?

I had always depended on Janie to manage our finances, but I questioned this thought process following a visit to Taco Bell one day.

I pulled up to the drive-thru window and handed my debit card to the cashier as she handed my drink to me. I was carefully placing the drink in my cupholder when I heard the drive-thru window open quickly.

“Your card was declined, do you have another method of payment?” she asked. “Uh,” I said, searching my wallet quickly for magical cash I knew didn’t exist.

“I don’t,” I said, looking apologetically at her. “Oh...ok,” she replied awkwardly. “You can keep the drink,” she offered. “Thanks,” I muttered as I drove away. From that day forward, I took sole control of our finances. I never missed another payment, and my bank card has not been declined since that day.

Though things were moving forward, Janie and I still had tense moments. Our fights weren’t necessarily frequent, but when they happened, it was a powder keg. Especially when our venomous arguments happened in vehicles, in which Janie wasn’t above getting out of the car and traveling on foot.

Like that one night when she flung open the passenger door at a red light and began speed walking down a main road. Or that other time on a major roadway at a red light, when she got out of the car and angrily marched in front of 3 lanes of stopped traffic.

When the light turned green, not one car moved. Instead, they looked over at me and gestured me to cut over the 3 lanes so I could go after her.

We had become that couple.

Janie’s class reunion had even turned into a disaster for us.

I remembered Janie telling me about an old high school flame she had been unfaithful to Jay with. His name was “Westy”, and per my understanding, she had apparently slept with him right after Jay’s departure for boot camp.

At this class reunion, I would surely be coming face to face with “Westy”, and I wasn’t thrilled. Westy was no longer just a story. He was now a real life character I would be in the same room with.

We arrived to the restaurant where her reunion was being held, and we made small talk with a few of her classmates in the early part of the evening. Then, Westy appeared at the front of the room.

I looked over at Janie, and her eyes were dead locked on him. There was no mistaking it. I had never seen an eye fuck before, but if it’s a real thing, then I was seeing it right there. What was worse? Westy was staring back at her. “Uh, hello?” I said, waving my hand.

She couldn’t have cared less if I was standing there or not. All that seem to matter to her was that Westy noticed her too.

The reunion dinner itself was rather boring. I was barely 10 years old when most of these people’s glory days occurred, so I could not relate too much. However, word spread around that the afterparty was at a local bar with karaoke. No fear, Westy was coming too.

We arrived at the bar some time later, and Janie persuaded me to get up on stage and sing a song. I had a few drinks in me, so that helped. I mumbled my song selection to the DJ, and I stumbled up on stage. Papa Roach’s “Last Resort” started booming from the speakers, and I did my best to sell my premier performance in that sticky, smoky bar.

During the song, I even screamed, “Sing it, Westy!” He looked at me with the upmost curiosity, probably wondering how the hell I knew his name.

After my performance, the night started winding down, but Janie seemed to forget I was even there. This of course pissed off Liquid Courage Mike and convinced him to leave the bar on foot. The bar wasn’t located too far away from our apartment, so I was prepared to walk. Moments into my journey, I heard a car approaching from behind. The car pulled up to the side of me, and an irate Janie was staring at me from behind the wheel.

Jealousy was in no short supply.

You could say that our relationship became more strained when she called me one day. “Hey, come to Sheila’s house,” she said. This was an odd request, as I was never invited to Sheila’s house to casually hang out. I arrived at Sheila’s moments later, and Janie was sitting with Sheila and her husband Harry on their porch. “So, Sheila and Harry have an interesting proposition for us,” she said, smirking. “They’re moving full time to their condo at the beach, and they want us to move into their house,” she said.

“And it’ll be a rent-to-own deal, if that’s what you guys decide you want to do,” interjected Harry.

This was one of those scenarios in life when even though someone is asking you something, you know that ‘no’ is not an acceptable answer. I did not trust Sheila and Harry, and I did not want to do what was being proposed.

We had a good thing going in our upstairs apartment. The rent was cheap and the space was perfect. If we moved to Sheila and Harry’s, our rent would go up $350 immediately.

On top of that, we also could not use their garage and pool, and we had to reserve a room just for them for when they decided to come home and visit.

It would still be their house. We would just be house-sitting, so to speak.

Janie, myself, and the boys moved in anyway despite my reservations. I’m not even sure Janie felt like she could say no, as Sheila and Harry were her bosses as owners of the daycare.

That Fall of 2009, I would say that Janie and I enjoyed the most normal stint that our relationship would ever see. Though we were getting completely ripped off, that house served as somewhat of a fresh start for us. Though we lost the comfort of that apartment, the bad juju of the early goings went with it as well.

We enjoyed a pleasant Halloween season, a comfortable Thanksgiving stretch, and a festive Christmas time. That year, I felt proud of the Christmas day we were able to provide for the boys. It felt right, and I was happy with where we were.

The calm before the storm.

Remember? This is Hell.

Shortly after the New Year, Harry began demanding an answer on if we were going to purchase the house from them or not. In my estimate, he was becoming worried that we might damage something and decrease the house’s value.

That demand for an answer turned into an ultimatum; buy it, or get out.

Of course, I couldn’t hide my frustration with Janie, and she knew it. It had been her call to move into this house, and after a few short months, we were facing an unofficial eviction.

I wasn’t buying that old ass house. Harry could take its 1800’s-era piping and shove it up his...well, you get it.

So we had to find a new place to live in a short amount of time, and to our credit, we found one pretty quickly. It was a small cape cod house with a nice backyard. The bad part? It was another $100 hike in rent. But desperate times called for desperate measures. We moved in. Another “fresh start”.

Janie experienced a “fresh start” of her own, as she dropped a lot of weight in a short period of time. She enlisted in a weight loss program and the results came fast. I noticed a change in her attitude and confidence, as well as her physique. Unfortunately, someone else noticed her too.

Perhaps, this situation started with the day I came home from work and napped. As my days started at 5am, I usually tried to do this before Janie and the boys got home. That afternoon, I woke up to her footsteps coming up the stairs to our bedroom. I watched her walk across the room and sit on the bed, staring at me intently.

“Do you remember when you told me that if I needed time, to take it?” she asked.

I considered her words, coming out of my sleep fog. Was she referring to the advice I had given her 2 years earlier during her confusion with me and Jay?

“Uh, yeah?” I responded.

“Well I’m gonna need that time.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, bewildered. Panic rose in my chest. I had felt this feeling before, this desperation.

“I’m going to stay at my mom’s for the night,” she said, getting up and walking toward the stairs.

“Wait, what? I have no idea what the fuck is going on,” I exclaimed, getting out of bed and following her.

But there was no reasoning with her. She had her mind made up, and I was completely in the dark about what had happened to make her feel that way. There were no recent arguments or disagreements that could have triggered this.

She left.

I watched her drive away, knowing there was nothing I could say or do. I didn’t bother driving after her, as I knew that would do no good. I was also not the type to drive by her mom’s house, nor psychotically blow up her phone with calls and texts.

What good would it do?

I didn’t hear from her at all that night, and that fucking tore me apart. I barely slept, as I could not shut my mind off. My heart also skipped a beat with every distant noise, as for a fleeting moment, I hoped that she had decided to come home after all.

I went to work the next morning, and at some point during the day, we finally talked. She was ice cold over the phone, but I convinced her to at least come home and talk to me. I rushed around at work that day, making sure I was at home in time for her to arrive.

The air was humid that day despite the rain. The kind of air that with every breath, you could feel it cling to your lungs. I waited on the front porch steps, practically having panic attack. Mercifully, I saw her car pull up to the curb moments later and she got out. Walking up the sidewalk to the porch, she didn’t even look at me. She walked right past me into the house, and I followed her inside.

She stood there in the middle of the living room, examining me as if I were a repulsive specimen. I fell to my knees, sobbing.

“Look at you! You’re pathetic! You look just like he did,” she hissed, referring to Jay.

“What did I do?” I cried.

“We’re just not good together, we fight all the time, and you never even proposed to me!”

I had to think fast. I wanted this to be over. I wanted things back to normal.

“I was going to,” I lied. “On November 1st.”

I saw her expression break, and she walked over to me, embracing me. I hugged her tightly back.

Forgetting her cruel words. Forgetting that I felt as pathetic as she said I looked.

Days later, our world fucking imploded.

The boys had gone to bed, and her and I were sitting on the couch watching TV. I casually looked over at her and couldn’t help but notice how intently she was focused on her phone. Her fingers rapidly typed away, and the world away from her screen was forgotten.

I smirked to myself as I reached over and pretended to yank her phone away from her.

What I wasn't expecting was the fucking death grip she held on this thing, and then she stood up abruptly. “What’s this all about?” I asked, suddenly angry. “What are you hiding?”

“Nothing,” she said defensively, swiping away at her screen, closing the apps.

She finished swiping and held her phone out to me. “Want to check?” she asked sarcastically.

“No, I’m good, now that you already hid it away.”

A really bad argument erupted, and we went to bed in an uneasy stalemate. The next morning, we opened our eyes in bed, staring at each other and not saying a word. It’s like we couldn’t recognize each other anymore, or were we just now seeing each other for the first time?

She spoke, and in a few short words, she said it was over.

“If it’s over, then make sure you tell the boys,” I said.

Janie then shot out of bed and flew out of the bedroom. I heard the door of the boys’ room open and she came back into our bedroom, the two boys following her. They were confused and out of it, just being woken up. She sat them down in front of me, and told them in a sickly sweet voice, “Guys, Mikey and I are no longer going to be friends anymore.”

I couldn’t believe it. My heart was torn right out of my fucking chest. I was destroyed and so upset, I ran to the bathroom dry heaving.

She started packing bags and taking them to her car. She took Brock out to the car to strap him in to the car seat as James stood there in the living room, unsure of what to do.

“I don’t know why she’s doing this, James,” I said, tears leaking from my eyes. “I love you, and I love your mommy. I wish I could tell you what’s going on, but I honestly don’t know.”

I hugged him, and Janie came back into the house, giving me a poisonous look. She took James and walked out of the house as James was telling her, “He loves you, mommy! He really means it! He loves you!”

Janie’s car tore off down the street, and I was alone. Again.

I got into my car and drove to my sister’s house. I was in pieces, and I hugged my young nephews tightly. A sobbing, 22 year old fucking mess.

And I deserved every fucking bit of it.

My sister was on board with taking me in temporarily, and she cleared out one of their 3 bedrooms for me. There was little peace, and no rest. I didn’t sleep that night either, and I couldn’t be consoled. I was more tortured than ever. Of course, I heard nothing from Janie.

The next day, I borrowed a box truck from work and moved my stuff out of the house. A co-worker, Bill (remember that name), his girlfriend, and my brother-in-law were a little army that picked up any box that was mine. I did not remove any furniture, and I did not touch the boys’ room, whether anything of mine was in there or not. This was not their fault.

After moving, Bill and his girlfriend Monica invited me to poker night at a local bar. I didn’t like bars, or poker, but it was something to do.

In this stint, I’d even miss Brock’s birthday, which hurt even more.

Once again, I was single and in the business of trying to fill my time and block my destructive mind from tormenting me with images and thoughts. I didn’t know where she was or who she was with, and she sure as hell didn’t care about my whereabouts.

Or did she?

Days later, she called me while I was at work. She apologized, and just 3 days after I moved out, she asked me to come by the house to talk. I agreed to do so, and after work, I swung by the house.

“How are you?” she asked as I stepped into the living room. We hugged. Tightly.

And in the blink of an eye, all was ok again. I wanted to come back home. And she wanted me to come back home.

But, there was a catch.

“So, I just want to give you a heads up; the boys might mention that some man named “Corey” had come by my mom’s house, but I swear, he was only there to drop off his kids for Brock’s birthday party,” she said, looking at me closely for a reaction.

“Oh, ok,” I said, not wanting to fight about it.

Had I ever heard of Corey? No.

Did Brock have friends whose dad’s name was Corey? No.

Should I have asked more questions about Corey?

Yes.

But I didn’t have time, nor the will to fight anymore.

I just wanted to come home.

Besides, I was ready to propose to her.

To make sure this never, ever happened again.

Welcome to Hell.

Have you seen my hands? Just look at 'em shake. And the song just keeps on repeating, Drop the needle again. And I dance with your ghost, Oh, but that ain't the way. I can't move on and I can't stay the same, And all my friends say... Hey hey, turn the record over, Hey hey, and I'll see you on the flip side. There you go, turn the key and engine over Let her go, let somebody else lay at her feet.

The Gaslight Anthem “45”

NOTE: Though this is my side of the story, including my own personal recollections and opinions, the reader should not consider this note anything other than a work of literature. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

[shysweetthing]

Really like your Victor's finance post! Do you recommend any resources (books/blogs/etc) for people who are interested in maximizing their income / investing? Need to become savvy like Victor haha

I feel so sorry for doing this to you, but, it turns out, I’m not going to answer your question, I’m going to answer an entirely different question, and I’m going to take 3,000+ words to do it.

You will be SHOCKED to hear that the person who wrote a however-many point analysis of Victor’s financial savvy has thoughts about personal finances. (Or not. Getting these thoughts out has required me to sit on this ask for a long time (also I have been horrifically busy, sorry).

Dropping the three thousand words of caveats and my answering a completely different question than the one you asked with a seven-point response under a cut, because I’m not a monster.

Here is my first thought: This is the wrong question. Income does not make you wealthy. Income gives you cash flow, but revenue in means nothing for long-term wealth if it is matched by corresponding revenue out. In fact, poor spending habits combined with high income can make you less financially secure than poor spending habits combined with low income. At a high income, people will happily pitch you ways to spend all of the future income that you may or may not make before you make it, and you can lock yourself into years of work before you know it.

There is only one way to become financially secure, and that is to spend less money–preferably drastically less money–than you make. That means forgoing most ways to spend future income, and instead, saving present income.

Here is my second thought: I’m going to talk about some tactics below, but DO NOT USE THIS POST TO SHAME PEOPLE, NOPE, THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS POST IS ABOUT. If you don’t make enough money to meet your basic needs, this is NOT the post for you. An entirely separate problem is that global economic forces are reducing the size of of the middle class. That means an increasing number of people are not making enough money to meet their basic needs. That is a sucky place to be.

This post is written from a point of privilege–I make enough to meet my basic needs, and then some–and I’m warning you that the invisible hand of the marketplace will reach out from the monitor and smack people who try to lecture whose who don’t have that privilege.

A third thought: I’m going to link to some resources, but I need to warn you that they are painfully non-intersectional. Assertions made in these resources are not for everyone. If you’re a POC and liable to be pulled over and shot by the police, you may need to spend more on cars/clothing to appear “respectable” and reduce the likelihood that you’ll be shot out of hand. If you have dietary issues, you may need to spend more on food. If you don’t have familial support, you may have expenses others don’t think about. If you’re neurodivergent, or disabled, you may have additional expenses for things that other people will claim are “frivolous.”

Screw those people; you know yourself and your needs better.

My kingdom for an intersectional finance guide. Alas; I don’t have a kingdom, and maybe that is why we don’t have an intersectional finance guide.

With those caveats aside, here is shysweetthing’s not-so-short guide for people whose income is greater than their necessary spending.

0. The Entire Point of Having Enough Money Not To Worry About Money is to Not Worry About Money.

It has taken me decades to get to the point where the above tautology is my guiding financial philosophy, but here we are. It may not work for you, in which case this entire guide will be useless to you, and that’s fine, because we’re all different people.

But the way I see things, the entire point of having enough money is not to be able to acquire things of varying levels of fanciness. Owning super-fancy things adds worry to your life. From observation of others, and from flirtations with lower-cost variants, the vacation home and the yacht are fun for approximately the first twenty-two hours of ownership. After that, it’s nothing but “oh shit the mooring fees” and “whoa, the property taxes” and “arg, the last tenants who rented our vacation home apparently threw an axe through the window while drunk, so there’s that.”

This is true for things that are smaller than vacation homes and yachts–cars, for instance, or clothing that is in style, or the latest and greatest computer gear.

It is possible to worry about money at any level of income, and that is because it is possible for anyone to spend all their income, even if the amount of income is utterly ridiculous.

That is why income is not the measure of financial security.

The more things you spend money on, the more money you require yourself to make in order to have things. I know people who are locked into 80-hour a week jobs by their spending habits. Those people are financially insecure, and will be their entire lives despite making a crapload of money.

I am not trying to say, NO NO DO NOT HAVE THINGS. I am trying to say, CHOOSE YOUR THINGS WISELY. Is this thing making you happier than having to spend time acquiring money to keep the thing? Then yay, keep the thing! Do you just have the thing because other people think you should have the thing, and it does not bring you joy? Boo, get rid of the thing.

Do you think the thing will make you happy, and is it easy to get rid of? Okay, maybe try the thing out and see how you like it! Is the thing going to follow you around like a millstone forever and ever? Maybe strongly consider whether the thing is really something you want. Do you think you need the thing, but are not sure? Try not using the thing for a week, and see if you can make do without the alternatives. Sometimes you can. Sometimes the alternatives make you happy. Sometimes the alternatives suck balls and you really do need the thing.

You can have fewer worries about money or you can have more things. It’s your pick. (And it literally is your pick–you should pick the thing that makes you happiest.)

I do like some things (she says writing this on her iPad, looking at her Yuuri nendoroid) but as a general rule I have vastly fewer things than most other people of a corresponding income level.

1. Spend less than you make.

For many, many people, including myself, it is human nature to spend what you have. If you have ten dollars in your pocket, you are likely to spend $10. This is a common, but not a universal, practice. It is particularly likely to be true for those who came of age not having enough money. People can preach the value of “saving” all they want, but if you didn’t have enough money growing up/in college/at a time when you were forming your habits around money, you very likely were not able to save for anything in the long term.

In my formative financial years, I had very little money, and (eventually) became very skilled at spending the exact amount of money I had. This was a great skill to have when I was juggling way more bills than income, but as I aged and started to bring in more, spending everything I had became less of a skill and more of a liability.

There are dozens of people who will write yelling screeds about how this is irresponsible blah blah blah blah blah and doing so makes you a terrible person who will likely eat avocado toast all your life and never own a home.

I have found that yelling at myself is not an effective method of getting me to do the right thing. In fact, I have never met a person who does things well because someone yelled at them, even if that “someone” is themselves.

This is the really, really simple solution that modern banking has opened up for me.

1. I have a savings account where all my income goes. I do not have checks to this savings account. I do not have a debit card. I have no way to directly spend this money. It’s just a savings account.

2. At an entirely separate bank, I have a checking account that I can spend money from.

3. I have set up an automatic transfer that puts exactly the amount of money I need (plus a set amount of discretionary spending that as of late has been dedicated entirely to YoI goods) in my checking account.

Voila. By reducing the amount of money available to spend into a number that is less than my income, I have converted my ability to spend the exact amount of money available back into a skill instead of a liability.

I treat the amount of the automatic transfer as a work in progress. If I’m regularly running out of money before the month is out, I’m either spending too much or paying myself too little, and I can examine how that works out. Mostly, instead of fighting my natural inclination, I’m working with it.

This was caveat #2 above, but it bears repeating: If you are not making enough money to meet your needs in the first place, you aren’t going to be able to save money, which is why all those avocado toast articles need to die in a fire.

This advice applies only to people who know they’re spending more than they need to, not to people who wish that they could magically have fewer needs.

2. Debt is evil.

Some people will tell you otherwise. They will say that there is such a thing as “good” debt, or that credit card debt is okay if you pay it off every month.

I have come to disagree vehemently. Student loan debt is evil. Mortgage debt is evil. Credit card debt is evil.

Evil is sometimes necessary, because we live in an evil world that gives most people very few choices, but do not fool yourself into thinking that these kinds of debt are good. They are not.

Minimize student loan debt (I wish I could tell my former self that). You might think now that there’s very little difference between paying back $125,000 and $135,000 but trust me, you will not think that when you are paying it back. (You might think now that IBR will save you, but…I wouldn’t count on it.)

Minimize mortgage debt. People have been told repeatedly that mortgage debt is good debt so they buy a house that is bigger than they need, which ends up sucking their income dry. This is very bad. Banks will loan you just enough money so that you can pay your mortgage and not save a dime. Do not use all the money they are willing to give you. (Also, the mortgage income deduction is below the line so it’s rarely as huge a tax savings as you think–THE MORTGAGE INCOME DEDUCTION BENEFITS THE WEALTHY AND DOES NOTHING FOR MIDDLE CLASS FAMILIES, la la la, this helpful bit of tax propaganda paid for this post.)

People say that credit cards are okay so long as you pay them off every month, but the problem is that you then end up buying things you otherwise would not buy with cash. Credit cards are fine as long as they don’t expand your spending. The problem is that they often do–even if you’re paying everything off with every cycle, your internal analysis changes from, “Would I buy this with the cash in my account” to “Can I cover my credit card bill with my next paycheck?” You spend more when your thinking is the latter.

Debt allows people to make purchases they would otherwise not be able to make, but that is a blessing and a curse–it enables people to make purchases they would not otherwise be able to make.

Since I’m afflicted with curse/skill/liability #1 above, debt skews my spending habits. If my available money includes credit card debts, whooooops.

I went through a period where I had to put myself on a complete moratorium on credit cards–I cut up literally all of them–and use only my debit card. At the time I did this, I was paying off my credit card every cycle, just like you’re supposed to. Getting rid of credit cards allowed me to start saving.

At this point, I do use credit cards–renting a car, or getting a hotel room, is a pain in the ass on a debit card–but I use the following rules to keep myself in line:

a. Every time I use them, I go online and make a payment for the amount spent. Yes, before the period is over. This means it’s a lot closer to paying cash.

b. I have a separate credit card that I use for groceries only, to make it easier for me to track food expenses. I set aside the money for a food budget in a separate savings account at the beginning of the month and then net it out at the end of the month.

Debt is evil; try to minimize debt, and if you do use debt, try to minimize its evilness.

I strongly recommend “Your Money or your Life” https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0052MD8VO/ for a lot more on this and other things.

I do not recommend Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover https://www.amazon.com/Total-Money-Makeover-Classic-Financial-ebook/dp/B00DNBE8P6/ because it is unnecessarily fat-shamey (and for no good reason! why! this is a book about finances and WHY THE FUCK are you making weight analogies, that is just not a relevant consideration! fuck off with your fat shaming!) with a side-dose of evangelical conservatism, but I will say that reading that book helped me make the single greatest financial change in my life, and one that eventually brought me from feeling like I would never, ever get ahead with money to feeling financially secure.

I didn’t follow Ramsey’s advice exactly–in particular, I think that my particular brand of neurodivergence meant I had to consciously deviate for spoon conservation in many ways–but I did make significant changes to my lifestyle because of it.

3. Spend radically less than other people, and particularly on the big-ticket items.

I’m sure there are people who can write great posts about how to hustle for money but I am not that person.

But I know some money hustlers and honestly, being really good at hustling for money usually means you spend a lot of time worrying about money. This is Not For Me (see item #0 above).

A lot of people I went to school with got Really Fancy Jobs and have made more money than me literally every year of our respective working lives. I still magically have more money than they do because I don’t spend as much. This is largely because I developed, at a very young age, the ability to not give a fuck about what other people thought of me. (A separate story.)

The entirety of our current society is set up to convince you to spend more than what you make, and so resisting the urge to do so will have you swimming against the stream on multiple occasions. People will try to shame you for where you live, what car you drive, what clothes you wear… pretty much, if you can spend money on it, people will try to shame you for it.

But never fear, no matter how much you spend, people will shame you in some way for not spending more money on other things. Since you’re going to experience shame no matter what you do, why not experience shame and also keep your money?

From personal experience, I have found that when my choices are to: (a) Live somewhere nice that strains my budget; or (b) Live in a shithole that makes my budget happy, I have overwhelmingly been happier with option (b) every time. (I personally have some very weird money Issues, though, and I stress about money very, very easily, so your mileage on this may vary–I can withstand approximately zero money stress before I break like wet toilet paper in a hurricane.) I nonetheless offer you these brilliant gems of wisdom as to how best not spend money:

1. Consider not spending all of your available income on housing. 

2. Drive the shittiest car that you can get away with driving, if you drive a car at all.

3. Give as few shits about your clothing as you possibly can.

(Do not skip spending money on: Health Insurance.)

Fuck all that “clip coupons” blah blah blah blah blah or “buy things on sale.”

If you spend half as much on the above items as your peers, and if you are solidly middle class, you will have so much disposable cash to save that it’s not even funny. You won’t need to sweat the small stuff as much. Constantly needing to sweat the small stuff vastly increases your worry load in disproportion to the amount of money spent.

Eat the shame on the big stuff–you get used to it–and then get used to not having to worry about the other stuff.

Along the lines of learning to radically reduce spending, with the caution that this is SO COMPLETELY OMG not intersectional (“Everyone can ride a bike to work!” *looks at camera*), I give you the link to Mr. Money Mustache: http://www.mrmoneymustache.com

Some of the things MMM talks about will be impractical or impossible for some people. Some will not. Some of them will be things you do not want to do, and that is fine, too.

I think studies on happiness show that spending radically less than commercials think you should spend is a course of action that makes most people happier. You may be one of them, so you should try it, because happiness is nice.

For most people, additional income beyond the necessities gives very, very little happiness bonuses. Why? Because people generally throw money away on big-ticket items that do not measurably improve their happiness.Most people will be happier working less and having crappier housing, cars, and clothing, then they would be working more and having the nicest versions of everything.

(Caveat: You can spend too little on clothing, too, and that’s a special trap–buying cheap-ass stuff that wears out too quickly.)

4. Keep a strong emergency fund.

People tend to make bad decisions when under stress. Having an emergency fund tends to reduce the amount of stress you’re under so you’re less likely to make bad decisions.

The suggestion I see a lot is to have an emergency fund that is 3 months of living expenses and while this would be great, I think a lot of people calculate the size of that, realize that such a thing is totally out of reach, and then don’t bother to have anything at all.

An emergency fund is just that–for emergencies. A new Yuri on Ice DVD is not an emergency. Someone offering you a car that you don’t technically need is not an emergency.

You should shoot for a minimum of $1000. If it takes you a year to save for that, great. Once you have that in place, give yourself a breather, then target slightly higher–$1500. Give yourself a breather. Then target slightly higher. Repeat.

If you’re paying off significant non-mortgage debt, I don’t advocate keeping much more than $2000 or $3000. After you’ve paid off your debt, then definitely start saving your 3-6 months of living expenses. But don’t worry about it before then.

5. Pay other people as little as possible to manage your savings.

There are some financial geniuses who are so good at investing that they can beat the market. These people are very rare. Most people, including financial professionals, do not beat the market. In fact, some classes of financial advisors do not have to disclose conflicts of interest to you in advising you to purchase them. You’ll end up paying several percentage points in interest, or forgoing the best market rates, for most options offered to you by others.

Your best bet as a private individual is to dump your long-term savings into index funds. You can diversify your asset classes by purchasing a variety of diversified index funds that have no to low loads.

If you (a) are making more than you need, and (b) follow the above advice, you will start piling up cash that you do not need in the immediate future. Odds on best choice is to just dump it into an S&P index fund of some kind and ignore it until you’re ready to retire.

Remember: The entire point of having enough money to not have to worry about money is to not worry about money. If all you do with your extra money is worry about it, what are you doing?

6. Fuck all this advice and do financially irresponsible things sometimes.

Just what it says on the tin. If you’re doing most things right most of the time, you’re allowed to occasionally do stuff because it’s a great experience. The point of having enough money to not have to worry about money is to not worry about money.