#i have to say all stories seem to give me a rollercoaster of emotions vibes and when you said their writing is impeccable and makes you feel | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

heloisedaphnebrightmore · 3 years

Text

Clouded judgement [Loki Laufeyson x Reader] - Challenge

Title: Clouded judgement Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x Asgardian!Female!Reader Word count: 4.8k Published: 25 May 2021 Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore Warnings: Angst and fluff Summary: After years of living in his brother’s shadow, Loki feels as though he is an equal finally as things seem to fall into place. That is until he sees you with his brother, enjoying his company. His emotions start to cloud his judgement and in fear of having to go back where he was, he makes a decision he soon regrets. Challenge: [x] [x] This is for @sventeen-daybreak's 600 followers writing challenge and I used the overall vibe of the song.

“What would it feel like if you tore me apart? / Come on chew on my heart” [Chew on my heart by James Bay]

Marvel Characters Masterlist | Masterlists

Tom Hiddleston and Characters Masterlist

If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on Ko-fi. Of course, it’s completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3

Thor has always been a brother figure to you, you grew up together after all. He was someone who was always there for you when you needed him, but mostly got on your nerves intentionally. He found enjoyment in your grimaces and child-like sulking. Regardless of how irritating he was at times, you loved him dearly. However, Loki was different. You never looked at him as a brother or a friend. You pretended to see him in that light, of course, not wanting your secret to be revealed, but your feelings for him were deeper, rooted in a romantic interest.

You tried to hide it and treat them equally, but at times you found it rather difficult. Sometimes you wished to run up to Loki to give him a hug, whilst you fist bumped Thor, but you knew if you differentiated them, your secret would be at risk. So, you pushed your emotions aside and used a logical part of your mind to make decisions that would ensure the safety of your secret.

Though you carefully planned out how to go about your feelings, others had different ideas. Loki always voiced how he just wanted to be an equal to Thor, someone who had just as much opportunity, someone who received as much love and care, someone who was no different, but when it came to you, he wanted to be above his brother, he wanted to be first and more important to you. He wasn't happy with your carefully concocted plan to be stuck on the same level as his brother, especially because he didn't feel he was.

Loki was growing tired of being a shadow of his brother once again. He wanted you to look at him differently, to treat him as though he was more important to you. He had to admit he was jealous and though the word itself made him enraged, he tried to conceal it. He envied the relationship you had with Thor. Even though you thought you were careful and treated them equally, Loki's genius mind was clouded by his emotions, his jealousy.

Thor and Loki's relationship had been a rollercoaster, but finally they were at peace with each other and even Odin was proud of his younger adopted son. Everything seemed finally calm between the brothers, but it didn't matter how proud his brother made him and how supportive he had been towards Thor, Loki found himself taken over by an envious storm once again.

He leaned against the door frame of your room in the Royal Palace of Valaskjalf, his arms folded in front of his chest, his body language screaming indifference. He acted as though he couldn't care about the loud laughter that left your lips, the small crinkles appearing beside your eyes or the way you threw your head back as another fit of laughter erupted from your lungs. Loki tried to pretend that it didn't affect him, that his heart didn't ache from the sight of another man making you laugh wholeheartedly as he watched from the side-line. But deep down he was burning in jealousy, eating him up from the inside. He knew he should have been happy for you as a friend and he tried, many times before, but he couldn't control the little demons that discouraged him from ever expressing his feelings to you. He believed, if it came to making a decision between him and his brother, the mighty Thor, the God of Thunder, you would choose his brother without a hint of doubt. The feeling of not being equal, only a second to Thor once again messed with his head and as he stood in the doorway, watching you laughing at something his brother told you, he made a decision he felt was long awaited.

"Why do you keep standing there? Come here," you smiled softly as you patted the golden couch beside you, offering him a place to sit. But instead of taking up on your offer, he just shook his head with a solemn expression. "Is everything okay?" You asked, slightly worried about the look on his face. Instead of a reply, he just nodded. With a heavily beating heart, you stood up from the sofa and walked up to him, placing a hand on his face, gently caressing his cheek with the tip of your thumb. "You look troubled. Is there a way I could help ease your worries?" You asked, eyes filled with hope to help the man you loved so dearly.

Loki wanted to lean into your palm, enjoying your soft touch against his skin, the connection making him feel as though your mere presence radiated safety, a feeling he only felt with you. But he had to remind himself of his plan. He grabbed your wrist and with a harsh movement pushed your hand away from him. His actions surprised you, making you slightly jump at the unexpected reaction. The coldness in his eyes was unfamiliar, your concern for him greatly growing. "I don't need your help," he replied firmly, a chill running through your spine at the emotionless tone. Even when you did something silly, he was always there to reassure you that it was all going to work out, because whatever you wanted, you were capable of achieving. He was always there to encourage you and offer you his endless support. He was the one who always kept you in one piece, even when you were going through hardships. But as he stood in front of you with his gaze empty, his jaw tightened, his tone cold and emotionless, something felt off and you weren't about to let it go.

"You are acting strange, Loki," you spoke with a deep frown across your brows, your eyes studying his face, trying to understand what could have gone through his mind.

He raised a questioning brow as he tilted his head. "No, I'm not. Perhaps you just don't know me well enough," he shrugged nonchalantly, his whole demeanour making you feel as though there was an invisible wall between the two of you.

"That's ridiculous. I know you, Loki. We have been friends for long enough," you scoffed at the absurdity of his words.

"You are no friend to me," he spat the words filled with hatred. A silent gasp left your lungs, his words painfully piercing through your chest, as though a dagger stabbed you in your heart. Feeling your chest tighten, your air cut off for a mere moment, you stumbled back in your place, your knees weakening as your brain processed his words. Loki didn't mean what he said, the words he spoke weren't the ones he meant to say, but they escaped involuntary and regardless of how painful it felt, he couldn't take them back.

"Loki!" Thor raised his voice warningly at his brother, but both you and Loki ignored him.

"What are you talking about? I don't understand you," you grabbed his arm desperately, but he just shook it off. He could see the pain in your eyes, the tears threatening to escape. His only wish was to wrap his arms around you and apologise repeatedly, to tell you that he didn't mean a word he said, but he couldn't do that. His pride stood in the way, the thought of being a second again enraged him.

"Wasn't I clear enough. Must I explain everything in detail?" He spat in anger. He didn't want to hurt you, but before he could have even thought of the words he wanted to say, they escaped him without a warning.

"But Loki, what have I done?" Your voice was tiny as though it wasn't even your voice. It was weak and desperate, somewhat needy. None of what Loki said made sense and the cold look in his eyes, the firm stance he took up on, it wasn't the Loki you knew.

"Nothing," he replied with a straight face. "You are simply no use to me anymore," he spoke, his words even surprising him. He didn't mean to make you feel as though you were a toy, he grew tired of. He realised it was time for him to not say another word. He knew what he had done, he knew you hated him and that it was too late for him to take it back. Opening your mouth, you were ready to strike back, but no sound left your vocal cords. You stood in front of him as if you were a fish out of water, suffocating. Tears fell down your cheeks, streaming down heavily as the words finally reached you. You were of no use to him anymore.

The sight of your tears, the devastation he saw in your eyes made Loki internally scream. It reminded him of the last words he spoke to his mother, breaking the heart of the person he loved more than anyone else. And now as he stood in front of you, intentionally hurting you, he just wanted to travel back in time and take it all back. The look on your face terrified him, the thought of causing you pain made his heart churn in agony. He couldn't bear to watch your heart shatter right in front of his eyes, all because he was a coward.

But you weren't a fool, you knew something was wrong. The unshed tears you desperately tried to keep from escaping blurred your vision as you stood in front of him unsteadily, wiping away the remaining evidence of your silent cries. Grabbing his arm once again, this time you didn't let him shake you off and you purposely changed your whole demeanour. You knew him, you knew who he really was, and you decided you weren't about to give up on him.

Your strong hold around him surprised Loki, he didn't expect you to cling to him after he treated you so disrespectfully. Once again, he tried to shake your hand off, but you didn't give in. There was a raging fire of determination in your eyes that Loki couldn't place and certainly couldn't understand. You caught his facade crumble for a mere moment only, wavering under your stubbornness, but it was enough for you to know there was something behind his nasty behaviour. "You can't fool me, you dumb man. It doesn't matter how hard you try," you hissed in anger as his cold exterior once again trembled at the sight of your firm stance against his ruthlessness, but he quickly rearranged himself as though he realised his slip-up.

He roughly removed his arm from your hold, your gaze capturing his stunned look once again, long enough for him to know you weren't hurt anymore, you were mad. Your eyes held anger as you looked up at the man and you didn't plan on hiding it. Loki knew he had gone too far and seeing your heart broken and enraged wasn't his plan. He just wanted to distance himself, never to feel like a second behind his brother, but he had gone too far. Before he could have made another foolish decision, he turned around with his jaw tightly shut, his fingers curving into a fist as he left you without a reply.

"Loki!" Thor shouted after his brother, but he didn't turn back. "I will talk to him," Thor shot up from the sofa and squeezed your shoulder reassuringly with a pained smile across his face.

"He is too stubborn to listen. There is something else behind his behaviour," you replied through gritted teeth, wanting nothing but to punch his younger brother.

"Then I shall bring him back so you can talk to him," he offered, earning a nod from you as he hurried after his brother, his heavy steps still audible from a distance.

You couldn't understand what had gotten into Loki, you couldn't pinpoint where this absurd behaviour and disrespectful manner came from, but the way he talked to you, the coldness in his eyes were ones you have never seen from him before. At least not towards you. His distanced behaviour lit a raging fire within you, wanting to confront the mischievous god, giving him a piece of your mind. He hurt you, it was terrifying to hear those words leave his lips, but the anger you felt towards him overpowered the initial aching in your heart, the heavy weight sitting on your chest.

Loki rushed through the corridors of the Royal Palace in haste, not being able to look at you any longer. He didn't mean for things to happen the way they did, he didn't mean to hurt you. When he realised what he had done, the only thing he could do was run. He knew he was a coward, but the pained look on your face terrified him and as soon as he realised you weren't having any of his foolish play, it scared him. His whole plan was reckless and stupid, he knew, but he couldn't find it in him to walk back to you and apologise. Loki thought if he was to go back, he would have to watch you growing closer to his brother and he couldn't bear the thought of you and Thor together.

So, he fled Asgard.

It's been a week since Loki disappeared and you couldn't handle not knowing where he was, what he has been doing, why he acted the way he did. You thought after all this time your anger would subside, but it weighed on you heavily just like on the day Loki decided to hurt you. A part of you was enraged, wanting nothing but return the pain you felt, however another part of you was worried about him, concerned for his safety. Walking up and down nervously in your room didn't help your case. Thor's letter about finding his brother awoke hope in you, but not the kind where you wanted to jump in his arms anymore. The kind that gave you the opportunity to tell him what a coward he was for running away.

A guard knocked on your door, pulling you out of your thoughts. He didn't need to speak, you knew Loki and Thor were back. You gave clear instructions to the guards to inform you upon their arrival. In haste, you headed to the entrance that led you to the Rainbow bridge, a storm of thoughts swirling around in your mind, scenarios upon scenarios playing every possibility of your reunion.

As you stepped outside the arch of the entrance, you caught sight of the brothers. Thor pushed on Loki's back as though he was a prisoner. He even wore a pair of handcuffs to stop him from trying anything. Frowning at the sight, you tilted your head innocently, Thor's actions seeming a bit much for your liking. You wanted Loki back, but if he didn't come on his own, did it really make a difference? You knew he would only listen to you because he had no other options.

Whilst Thor's extreme measures slightly bothered you, the anger that you have been harbouring screamed louder in your mind than to care about how he returned Loki. Whether with or without Loki's consent, you were to lash out on him, because he deserved it after the way he treated you.

"Well, well, well, look who found his way home," you arched a brow, but he didn't look at you. His gaze was fixed on the ground, not daring to meet your eyes. "Uncuff him, please" you instructed Thor, who did as he was told, knowing he had no place to join your disagreement. He helped as much as he could, he brought his brother back, but whatever was going on between you and Loki was none of his business, so after a reassuring nod, he left you.

Loki massaged his wrist where the handcuff cut into his flesh, but still didn't dare to lift his gaze. Everything seemed more interesting to him, but you. It angered you even more, but instead of losing control, you tightened your jaw and squeezed your lips shut. You patiently waited, though you didn't know for what. An apology maybe, an explanation, even an annoyed groan, but Loki was silent. Silence wasn't his strength, the man loved to talk, and this side was certainly new to you. For a mere second it occurred to you that he might have changed, and you just misinterpreted him the last time you met. But those thoughts quickly disappeared as you remembered his facade fall for a second, seeing him vulnerable even if for a mere moment.

"So, is this how it's going to be?" You asked with a straight face, hoping to earn a reply, some words maybe or even a sound. But Loki kept his lips sealed. "Look at me!" You raised your voice, but he didn't lift his gaze, he avoided meeting your eyes at all costs. There was a certain hopelessness you felt, a part of you burning in anger to know more, to have some sort of an explanation, but he didn't give in. "Talk to me!" You shouted at the man, but he just tightened his jaw and kept quiet.

Loki wanted to talk, he wanted to apologise, he wanted to look into your eyes and see what he had done to you. But he didn't have the courage to see the damage he had made. He was afraid of what he would see, the raging hatred in your eyes, the pity for the pathetic person he was, the anger his cowardness lit within you. It was all his fault, and he knew he had no right to speak, not even to apologise. His words would mean nothing to you, he let himself treat you so rudely after all.

"Talk to me! Open your mouth! You could never shut up, why are you starting now?" You asked, enraged at the silence. Walking up to him, you started hitting his chest, each blow harder than the previous one, but Loki just took it diligently. "Why are you doing this?" You shouted as you pushed on him, desperately trying to get him to say something, the silence driving you mad. Loki though he didn't have the right to stop you, each blow you struck at his chest was well deserved. He would have taken even harder punishments, he deserved it after all, but if that was what made you feel better, he would let you keep hitting him.

Your next blow halted in mid-air, tears collecting in your eyes, ready to escape. "Do you really hate me that much?" Your voice barely a whisper, a weak voice you have never heard from yourself. Loki's eyes found yours for the first time, swallowing visibly at the words you used. The thought of him ever hating you felt impossible for him and as he watched your desperate gaze, he knew he needed to say something.

"I could never," he replied finally, earning a shaky sigh from you.

"Then why are you doing this?" You asked, hoping that the barrier he so carefully pulled up between you would finally crumble. But no other words left his lips. He was silent once again. He didn't know what to say to you, he couldn't possibly be honest. He knew you would look at him as though he was a pathetic man and he never wanted to see you look down on him. He was better off being hated by you than to ever feel like you pitied him. He knew he deserved it, what he had done was unforgivable in his eyes, though he couldn't get himself to tell you that. "Speak!" You shouted once again; your desperate tone shook him out of his thoughts. He locked his eyes with yours, searching for more than rage, but you were harbouring so many emotions, he couldn't possibly read you.

You had no idea what was going through his mind, the only thing you could see in his eyes was a mess. Swirling emotions and thoughts, you could barely read the man. You needed answers, but as you looked into his eyes, you couldn't possibly find them. You needed words, confessions, explanations, apologies, it didn't matter, but the only way you could understand him was spoken words and he denied them from you. His silence made your head spin, feeling hopeless in your situation. Once again you hit him on the chest as though that was the only reason, he replied to you.

"You big, old, man-child, open your mouth and speak!" You shouted at him, striking another fist full of blow against his chest. "Say something!" You screamed, filled with rage. "After all you've said, you had the audacity to run away, flee from all the problems you have caused. How could you do that? Do you realise how worried I was? Not knowing where you went, what you were up to, if you were even in one piece," you cried. You thought he didn't care, but you had to say it, you had to let it all out. "Your words hurt me and I'm so mad at you, I want to hurt you as much as you hurt me, but I was still worried. I'm as much of a fool as you are," you breathed in a calmer manner. Loki's eyes grew in astonishment. He expected your anger, lashing out on him, but he never expected you to worry about him, to show such affection. Not after all he has done to you, not after he has broken your heart.

"I'm sorry," he breathed weakly against his better judgment. The desperate need in your eyes, the anger building up, the tears collecting, he knew he needed to say it. He didn't want to be a coward anymore and as hard as it was to accept it, he couldn't care less if he was only a second to his brother. If he could only remain beside you as a mere friend, he was to do everything in his power to earn your forgiveness. "I'm so sorry," he repeated himself. Your eyes grew wide at the apology, if anything those were the last words you expected to hear from him. His head fell forward, his gaze fixed on the ground. Loki was never one to apologise, let alone seem so guilty. You felt as though you had entered a completely new territory. But it didn't make you feel less hurt or upset.

"Do you think an apology can erase it all? Do you really think a simple sorry is enough?" You asked with a straight face, arms folded in front of your chest. Of course, Loki knew it wasn't enough, but it was a start, however minor it seemed to be.

"No, it's not. I know I've gone too far," he spoke as he lifted his head, searching for your eyes. His voice was heavy with emotions, his cold demeanour falling into pieces. "I didn't mean anything I said to you, I didn't mean to hurt you. It was not my intention," he took a deep breath as though he needed time to carefully plan his words. "I'm a fool and I don't expect you to forgive me, but I am sincerely sorry for what I have done," he breathed, his shoulders falling forward, his usually self-confident appearance now seemed weak and vulnerable. You had to stop the urge that wanted you to wrap your arms around his frame and tell him that it was alright, because whilst you felt bad for him, it was all his fault. He hurt you, he spoke those words that felt like daggers twisting your heart.

"Why, Loki? Why did you talk to me like that?" You asked, needing an explanation. The Loki you saw that day was indeed different from the person you knew, but the reasons behind his behaviour were beyond you.

"Because I thought it would be better," Loki debated to be honest with you, but as he looked into your eyes, your gaze desperate for the truth, he couldn't deny it from you. He knew you would look at him differently, he knew you would be even more enraged, but you deserved the truth. "I didn't want to be a second again. Finally, everything fell into place with my father and Thor. I felt equal, which I wanted to be for so long. But once again I found myself in my brother's shadow and I couldn't handle it. I was a fool and I thought if I pushed you away, I wouldn't have to repeat the same mistakes again, but I did," a heavy sigh left his lungs as he searched for the right words. "I never meant to hurt you, but I couldn't bear to be stuck in my brother's shadow again," you furrowed at the man, his words making no sense to you.

"I always treated you the same. Why would you think you were in his shadow? I love you equally," you attempted to convince him, but he just shook his head.

"Maybe you think you did, but I was envious of your relationship with him. I know, I'm the worst, but I couldn't control it," he scoffed at his own words. "I didn't want to be a close second, I didn't want to be an equal. I wanted to be more important to you, but I knew it would be impossible," your eyes widened as the words left his lips, a silent gasp escaping your lungs.

"More important?" You asked with a stunned expression. "Why?"

"Because my feelings for you aren't platonic," he confessed, his chest feeling lighter as the words finally left his mouth. He wished to say it for so long, regardless of how terrifying it seemed. Whether you felt the same or not, he felt as though the heavy weight previously seated across his chest was now finally gone.

You stood in front of him in utter shock. You longed to hear those words since the very first time you realised your own feelings, but you could never imagine hearing them. It felt like you were in a dream, a blissful moment. As the puzzles finally started to make sense, you walked up to him and wrapped your arms around his neck. "You are a fool," you breathed against the skin of his neck. Your sudden affection surprised Loki, but his arms involuntarily wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer. "Did you really push me away for this? Couldn't you just say something?" You asked as you tightened your arms around him.

"I was afraid," he confessed, his words weak as though he found them hard to declare.

"If you were just honest, this whole situation could have been easily avoided," you replied as you pulled back to be able to look at him. You placed a hand on his cheek, caressing it gently. "If you asked me, if you had spoken to me, I would have told you the truth. I haven't seen you as a friend for years. My feelings for you grew a long time ago," you confessed as Loki's eyes grew wider. "You were never a second or an equal to Thor in my eyes. You were always more important," you spoke as you brushed his hair behind his ear.

"I'm so sorry," he breathed as he finally found his voice and pulled you closer, hiding his face in the crook of your neck, enjoying your embrace around him. "Thank you," he murmured against your skin.

"What for?" You asked with a deep frown.

"For your existence," he replied, earning a loud chuckle from you.

"You're welcome," you snickered playfully. "Though I'm still mad at you," you warned him as you pulled back to establish eye contact. "You will have to make up for all the mess you have created," you spoke with a straight face, your words strict, but holding no anger.

"I will do anything in my power to earn your forgiveness. Anything!" He declared. He knew he was a fool, but he wasn't stupid enough to hurt you ever again. He needed you to forgive him, because he knew he couldn't forgive himself until you had done so.

"You could start by declaring your undying love for me," you giggled with a mischievous smile across your face.

"Excuse me?" He asked, eyes wide in surprise.

"You could start asking for my forgiveness by kissing me," your voice was less confident than the first time, fearing you have been too bold. But as soon as Loki processed your words, a heartfelt laughter escaped his lungs.

"Yes, ma'am," he replied as his laughter died down and placed a hand behind your neck, meeting your lips halfway, kissing you in haste, wanting to pour all his feelings in that kiss. He needed you to understand all those feelings he has been harbouring silently and he was ready to give you anything you ever wished, even after he has finally earned your forgiveness.

Notes: If you enjoyed reading this little piece, please don’t forget to leave a like, comment and/or reblog. Your opinion matters and gives us motivation. Thank you ^^

If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on Ko-fi. Of course, it’s completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3

Taglists are in reblog from now on. Send me a message if you would like to be added :)

322 notes · View notes

yaboylevi · 4 years

Note

Heyo!! I noticed you like FMA. Do you prefer BroHood or 03? (Sorry, I'm a HUGE FMA nerd (it's my favorite anime ever and is one of my favorite stories in general), and I just Love talking with people about it.)

Oh, hi there!!!

As someone who has been obsessed with FMA for the past year, I can relate! Just receiving this message made me so happy!!!

So, to answer your question: I love both, for different reasons. I think their existence works so well because they both exist.

Not only because sometimes I just need a feel-good conclusion, and other times I need me some pure unadultered angst with the same set of characters, no - though it’s a bit chunk of it. It’s also because, taking FMA03′s ending into consideration, I can feel relief that BH has the Good Ending, so I don’t feel too miserable. And when I think of BH’s ending, I don’t feel too frustrated at the fact that all the horrible things the characters went through aren’t magically resolved at the end, and have instead deep effects on them that last beyond the story’s ending. But ‘03 is very much a story of heartbreak and BH a story of healing, so their respective endings are only natural. Just think about the homunculi and their nature in each show, for example. 03 breaks you at the same time it breaks Ed. BH nourishes your soul as it heals all the characters.

So, in short, I appreciate 03 for the realism and whump factor, and BH for the fuzzy, warm feelings of accomplishment, because all character arcs came full circle in a beautiful way. Both were rollercoasters of different emotions I wouldn’t change for the world, and I love the different approaches to the same characters and premises. Plus, double the story, double the time spent with Ed, double the soundtracks.

That being said, both animes have aspects that, however similar, I prefer in one of the versions to the other. For example, I LOVE 03′s social commentary and the realistic approach at racism/the talk surrounding the topic. BH talks about it through too rosy lenses, in my opinion (there is a lot to be said about this, tbh, but enough has been said already). BH!Hohenheim is a total gem of a character, meanwhile ‘03 feels a bit flat. Lust was way more interesting in 03, while Greed was amazing in BH. 03 Sloth and Wrath were such compelling addition to the story, it was all so heartbreaking.

I love that Edward cries so much in ‘03, and that BH!Ed doesn’t cry at all except for a few, heartbreaking scenes. I adore how broken Mustang is in ‘03, but BH!Mustang gives off such a different, (even more) multifaceted and softer vibe. I prefer the almost romance-less perspective ‘03 gives.

Okay, so MAYBE I lean more towards ‘03 when it comes to a lot of things but, FMA wouldn’t be the same without Ling, Greedling, Olivier, BH!Wrath, BH!Hohenheim, etc. But it wouldn’t be the same for me if little Wrath didn’t exist, if Ed didn’t die, if the Shamballa movie wasn’t a thing.

It’s all so [clenches heart] AMAZING. Both versions, especially if appreciated together!

And albeit I feel like BH gave breath to explore more characters in a more complete way whereas ‘03 was heavily focused on Ed&Al, I always feel like I need to appreciate ‘03 more because it gets so shunned by everyone, sob. Besides, some scenes just hit different in ‘03, at least for me.

But I truly wouldn’t be able to say I prefer one to the other. It’s just...

Sorry for rambling so much. I can’t seem to stop gushing about this series!

#what about you thooo???#I hope you like both 👀#fma asks #fma spoilers #fma #some-unoriginal-fandom-trash

36 notes · View notes

crazy-loca-blog · 4 years

Text

Personal thoughts on Open Heart Second Year, Chapter 18

Note: As the title says, these are just personal opinions on Choices books and chapters. Of course, you may agree or disagree with them, I only use this platform to express my thoughts on what I read every week and what I’d like to see in the next chapters, because none of my friends play Choices so I have no one to comment the books with.

Last week I was so, so overwhelmed (in a good way) for everything that happened at that gala that I couldn’t even begin to write a post. My head was a mess! I had so much information on my mind that it was impossible for me to get one nice paragraph. Luckily, this means this week I have so much to say! So get ready, because this post is a long one!

First of all, let me tell you that after what happened this week, I’m betting for a 20 chapter book. It’s the only way I can see them making a proper closure to the story (with chapter 19 focused on saving Leland Bloom’s wife AND Edenbrook, and chapter 20 focused on fixing our own mess with our LIs).

I have mixed emotions on this chapter. At first, I absolutely loved it. It gave me such a rollercoaster of emotions that I just couldn’t help loving it. I went from being surprised to see Aurora back, to laughing with Zaid and Baz treating a patient together, to almost crying with the night out scene. I was really hyped! But then I replayed the chapter and I began to notice all those small details that you don’t notice when you first read it, and yeah, I have to agree with a lot of people who are as invested in this series as I am: something is not adding up after the rewrites.

As a person who’s romancing Ethan, Chapter 17 was a HUGE step in the relationship with the MC. The guy finally got rid of all his morals and his visions of what’s ethically correct dismantled the diagnostics team (aka “he’s not our boss anymore”) and decided to make things public with the MC (not “official”, but “public”). Now that I look at that moment in retrospective, I might understand the scene made sense so that the writers could finally level the field with people who are romancing Rafael, Jackie and Bryce. But this is when the first problem arises: the relationship with Rafael, Jackie or Bryce has never been public either. Sure, there has been some PDA between them and the MC throughout the whole series, but it’s not like our friends can say “oh, they’re a thing”, it’s not something evident. Why didn’t they use the gala for that? I simply don’t get it! They didn’t need to be “official”, just “public”. It was so easy, and I think it would have made things easier for the rest of the book.

And then we have this time jump… which now I’m beginning to realize it wasn’t as huge as we originally thought! Sure, we skipped Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year, and we went from winter to spring in, literally, one screenshot. So it may seem it’s been a long, long time since the gala… BUT… the book has been settled on winter since forever now (there was already snow in Chapter 13 when we returned to work!), so even though we know it’s been over a month since the gala (because, and here I quote Ethan Ramsey, “this will actually stretch our budget for much longer than we expected”), it’s not like we’ve been on that limbo for a really, really loooong time!

Of course, this doesn’t justify the fact that the relationships with the LIs were affected by this time gap. And this is where I think the writers made a huge mistake. I actually said something about it already, but the fact that we’re not staying in Boston to continue our residency (even though we know in the end we’ll stay) may be the thing that it’s delaying the fact that we’re not official with our LIs. Again, Rafael is staying in Boston… after the Panacea scandal, Jackie will go wherever she’s accepted… Bryce was looking at a hospital in Chicago… and the more I replay the chapter, the more I think Ethan is overworking to avoid thinking about his own future (yup, he is a mess and he’s delaying the inevitable… as usual). But this doesn’t mean we don’t want to know what’s going on with our relationship… like… long distance? breaking up? enjoying it while it lasts? Chapter 18 was the right moment to have “the talk” (there were at least two moments in the chapter that would have worked perfectly: those free individual scenes that we had with our LIs… or during the night out, after Ethan joined the gang at the helipad) and it didn’t happen… and yes, it’s disappointing and frustrating. They missed a HUGE opportunity.

Despite all this, this chapter gave us a bunch of good scenes:

1. The hospital scenes. This was a brief moment, but it was simply beautiful. In Chapter 17, we realized that “everything was about the mission” and that seemed to be a breaking point for everyone at Edenbrook. Seeing all of them working as the huge team they are, everyone overworking and helping each other just to help as many people as possible gave me all those community vibes that we constantly hear about in this series. I definitely need more of this in Book 3. The fact that they also connected all this madness with the closure of our interns plots was a nice detail. Can you believe that Gary Garrison was definitely the “last man standing”? Also, did you notice that Sothy and Elijah’s plot changes depending on the choices you made in past chapters? And I want to think that Sienna and Mitch finally talking about what happened will give her the peace of mind she needs and deserves.

2. Bryce’s diamond scene. I had so much fun with the Lahelas in Book 2. I love these two… I just can’t stop making puppy eyes every time we have a chance to witness such a wonderful relationship between these siblings. And Keiki leaving to boarding school was the happy ending they deserved. I’m so glad to see that there won’t be a new drama for them and that their parents agreed to send Keiki to boarding school. I loved to see how much Bryce grew in Book 2 (you know that I’ve always loved him, but now I came to consider him a “national treasure” type of guy) and how he really made his biggest effort to become the best version of himself we’ve seen so far. I’m so proud of him that it hurts!

3. Esme’s plot. It was nice to see that the relationship with her actually changes based on our choices. It still bothers me that we won’t know if she did it on purpose or not (I really hope we get to know the truth by the end of the book), but I felt proud of defending her after seeing how she seemed to be the only one who actually cared about Levi in that negotiation between his parents and the board, where everything was about “how much is Levi worth”. And I have to say that I fully agree with what Esme tells us if we don’t defend her… let’s be honest, the main reason why we got away with all Mrs. Martinez stuff was because PB was already planning a Book 2 of what Ethan did for us at the hearing.

4. The night out with our friends. We asked for it for a really, really long time. Book 2 was so focused on the hospital stuff that we missed those moments with our friends. It was so different from Vegas! It was intimate, it was emotional, there was this much needed bonding between the gang… there was a heart to heart that was long overdue! It was definitely a proper temporary goodbye to them. Besides what I mentioned before about “the talk”, I don’t think I would’ve changed anything about this scene.

By now, the final chapters of the book seem pretty obvious. I mean… Leland Bloom is a BILLIONAIRE and he loves to negotiate. Will he save Edenbrook if we save his wife? Absolutely, there is no question! We know the man is an ass****, but we also know how much he ADORES his wife and how genuine their marriage is (it’s 100% true love). She is also a caring woman, so I definitely don’t want to see her die. But how will they approach it? And here is where I want to see something HUGE happening (fingers crossed!). We know that the diagnostics team has been reduced to three people: the MC, Baz, and Ethan. BUT, at the same time, we have a full staff of people available to help (in the words of Ethan, “The other departments have taken the diagnostics team’s lead”... which leads to an inconsistency because the team is supposedly dismantled). So not only I see our team solving the case, but also everyone at the hospital involved on it. I can see Caroline Bloom taken by the paramedics to be admitted to Edenbrook, the nurses taking care of her, our friends helping to solve the case as part of the diagnostics team, Bryce, Harper and Tanaka performing some surgery, Kyra working on the paperwork… I’d love to see that, in the end, saving Edenbrook was a group effort and not only something like “the diagnostics team saved the hospital from closing”. That would be so, so nice to see and it would give every single character in this book the recognition they deserve!

34 notes · View notes

sid471 · 4 years

Text

Fate: Winx the Saga from someone who didn’t watch Winx Club

My friend made an actually GOOD post about this as someone who IS just a massive dork about Winx Club. So for a fans perspective here ya go :3 https://alric-usami.tumblr.com/post/641430679160340480/in-defense-of-fate-the-winx-saga show’im some love :3 Also unlike my friend this isn’t spoiler free. So, if you haven’t seen Fate and wanna give it a shot don’t read under the cut and if you didn’t watch Fate and you read it anyway... don’t get mad at me <_<

Now, if you’re still here, you’ve decided you don’t care about spoilers, you’ve seen the show, or haven’t seen the show and you’re stubborn <_<. Regardless, time for an opinion that doesn’t matter 😊.

I watched all 6 episodes and gotta say that I... Actually really enjoyed it :3. I understand the complaints, the lack of diversity... kinda sucks. It’s 2021 c’mon now >_> but everything else I liked watching 😗 Though I DO wish Bloom being a Changeling was revealed later. Rather than... ya know.... the first episode. That being said, DID really like when she called her mom and dad the second time. It was a sweet moment ☺️. I’ll get more into that later :3

Now, let’s get into the nitty gritty shall we? :3

I didn’t have any expectations going in. I hadn’t seen Winx and all I knew about it, even as I write this, I got from the above mentioned friend. I knew nothing is my point lol. So, looking at it as a show rather than an adaptation, I REALLY enjoyed it. It had nice visuals, acting was solid all round, music was a little cliche at times but I still liked it 😗

SO as previously mentioned, Bloom is a changeling. And also like I said I wish that revelation had been made a little later, but I also like how the season went over all so... Hmm... Conflicted. Bloom’s turmoil after finding out the truth, I thought, was handled very well. I’m sure some people would say she like... was bitchy and closed off. Which she was 🤷🏻‍♂️ But fuckin... She’s 16 .-. Of course she’s gonna lash out >_> And also even if she WASN’T 16... She’s still finding out the people who raised her aren’t really her parents ._. Anyway, speaking of her parents, we don’t know her parents well, but I still liked them ^_^ They had a pretty good amount of sweet moments with Bloom. Like the aforementioned 2nd call scene. The one where she went back to her house and watched them? It was a very sweet talk and I loved it 🙂. Verdict: Bloom, and her parents, good 😗 :3

Aisha, loved her and how her friendship with Bloom went ^_^. They had their rough spots, but at the end of the day they were still by each other’s side. And that’s what friendship’s about :3 Having their back even when you disagree with them 🙂 And even WHEN Bloom was being standoffish and secretive, Aisha made the effort to say “Hey. You can talk to me about anything. You know that right?” And you can tell it’s heartfelt and just ;-; ya know? :3 Though, admittedly, was a little iffy when she snitched to Farah but it worked out 😗. ALSO! Her protecting Bloom while she transformed? First of all, amazing sequence 😁 Second of all, that scene showed that even if Bloom is being reckless and, well, a main character lol, Aisha will have her back. And if you don’t have a best friend who’ll support you even when you’re acting like a Fantasy Main Character, what’s the point >_> Also side note, I LOVED that transformation sequence so much? I really like how they did it. I like that it didn’t... well... feel like a cartoon. Because like this ISN’T a cartoon. An over the top transformation LIKE an animation woulda been outta place and weird .-. Anyway, Verdict: We stan Aisha here :3

Terra. Oh Terra I just... Adore her ☺️ she’s so so so cute and sweet ^_^ She doesn’t deserve how Dane treated her >_> I’ll get to Dane in a little bit. But yeah Terra is just adorable. How can you NOT like her? She’s an adorable bad ass. Who doesn’t love an adorable bad ass :3 Verdict: Terra gets a million hugs from me :3

Stella. I’m not gonna lie, I was fully ready for Stella to be a stereotypical mean girl and was disappointed when it looked like that was the route they were going. But then they gave Stella ✨depth✨. Which we love to see ^_^. Stella surprised me with how much I ended up liking her. Stella was taught that negative emotions are all that matter in magic, which obviously isn’t true, but her mother is an arrogant bitch who only sees power >_> When Stella was telling Musa the story of how she blinded Ricki, she said that it was an accident and she didn’t mean to, but her mother thought it was better for her if everyone thought it was on purpose. Because “At least if it was on purpose, I wasn’t weak.”. So Queen Luna sucks <_< Which I know isn’t the case in the cartoon but in this she does. I actually like that they SHOWED that kind of strained relationship.

I saw it as kind of a foil to Bloom’s relationship with HER mother. Bloom and her mom had a somewhat negative relationship too, because Bloom wanted to stay inside and was pretty reclusive, mood, which her mom didn’t like so she tried to force her to go out. But the difference between Vanessa and Luna is that Vanessa DOES care about Bloom and listened to her. Luna, even when Stella TRIED to tell her a feat she considered great, blinding the Burned One, which IS great and awesome ^_^ But the Queen still wasn’t impressed. Verdict: Stella had a rocky start, but I love her now :3.... And Queen Luna... Not so much >_> She’s a bitch and not even like... a fun bitch <_< Although the revelation that because Luna and Stella are both Light fairies they can “control what people see” was not something I considered and it was REALLY cool.

Musa! I... Kinda resonated with Musa a lot actually. I may not have empathic powers that let me feel people’s emotions, but I know what she went through with her mom. My mom is still alive, thankfully, but she could’ve died from a stroke had I not acted. It was 2 years ago now, but I still think about what could’ve happened. And it’s noooot fun >_>. Anyway, back to Musa. Musa being an empath is something I really enjoyed. Honestly, I think I’d prefer empath!Musa over sound!Musa even if the latter is closer to canon. I just think Musa is an awesome character ^_^. I also loved how she steeled herself and helped Sam with the Burned One infection. That was honestly beautifully done. She may not be the most useful in a fight, but you don’t have to fight to be a bad bitch that’s what I say 😙. Verdict: Musa is a kin character :3

Beatrix. This bitch.... I adore her she’s so FUCKING cool! I love a good villain, if you’ve stumbled across my page before you know that lol, and Beatrix ticks everything I need to be character to add to my stan list. Watching her do her thing is like... It’s art ._. She fuckin EXPERTLY goes from Farah fangirl, to diligent student, to Riven’s girl, to ruthless villain and I LOVE that! I love a villain who’s both strong and smart :3 Especially if they’re female because I like bad bitches doing bad bitch things ^_^ Verdict, if it wasn’t clear: LOVE her. Amazing. Onto the Stan List she goes :3

Dane. *sigh* Dane... Is a character I have complicated feelings for >_>. I liked him a lot at first. I liked him and Terra’s friendship they were adorable :3 But then uh... Then Riven fucked him up <_< Listen man I agree Riven is hot but he ain’t worth hurting the first friend you ever made <_> Although a Riven, Dane, Beatrix throuple situation...... Is something I could get behind 👀. Because Dane likes both Riven and Beatrix, Riven likes Beatrix, and Beatrix... Is blatantly just using them but hey better to have 2 boyfriends who’ll do whatever you want than none 😊 Verdict: ... I liked him at first, thought him and Terra would be dorky friends, but then uh.... no >_> Terra deserves better <_<

Riven. Hate’im. Hate’im, hate’im, hate’im 🙄. He may be friends with the bi Dane but he REEKS... of homophobic jock energy. Of “I’m cool if you’re gay man just don’t hit on me dude.” vibes >_> Which like... I know seems ironic considering he literally flirted with Dane. But like... I dunno he just has so much homophobic energy it just... cancels out 😶. “But you JUST said you’d be okay with a Dane, Riven, Beatrix throuple” I did. And I still stand by that. But Riven would need some work before that <_< Like... an arc of him coming to terms with himself having feelings for both Dane AND Beatrix. y’know like that. I think it’d be cool. :3 Verdict: Riven sucks, but has a little bit 🤏 of potential. Also, all that being said, I don’t think Riven is REALLY a bad dude. I just think..... He wants Beatrix’s puss a little too much <_<

Sky. Sky... Is... Fine. He’s a fine character. I didn’t really feel a LOT for him. I just thought of him as Bloom’s love interest and like that’s it. Don’t get me wrong, he had some sad moments and I felt for him in those moments. But overall... Sky was just... fine. Verdict: He’s okay. I don’t really have a lotta feelings about him though.

Headmistress Farah Dowling. PHEW my feelings toward Farah... were a bit of a rollercoaster. I liked her, then I didn’t, then I was suspicious of her, then I liked her again, then she got her neck snapped.... soooo. But, that being said, I DO like Farah and I hope that she’s alive somehow in Season 2 :3. I like the variety in her powers. She has water, electricity, mind, maybe even fire, we love the variety ^_^ I was gonna say diversity but that’s kind of a sensitive word here. Verdict: Farah is an old baddie. And we love to see it 😗

Headmaster Silva. He... gives me Atlesian vibes >_>... I know fans of winx won’t know what I’m talking about, unless ya also watch RWBY. But with how he kept saying to Sky like “when you’re given orders you follow them without question.”, little hypocritical huh buddy, rubbed me the wrong way <_< Especially BECAUSE, yeah, it’s a little hypocritical when he didn’t follow his orders from Rosalind. Which I would also defy her orders, but then when YOU defy orders for the greater good, don’t then spread “Follow orders no matter what >_>”. Which, okay before you say it, I KNOW that he defied orders for the sake of saving the, seemingly innocent, people of Aster Dell, and they still died. But still... Spreading the follow orders no matter what thing is just kinda... an over correction, in my opinion at least. Verdict: Silva is... Okay. I like him... enough ya know? I like’im enough to hope he comes back to Alfea.

Rosalind. Rosalind... Is a villain with a lotta potential. I like her a lot so far. She’s obviously very powerful, and she seems... to wanna help Bloom? I mean for her own selfish gain of obtaining the Dragon Fire but still... A villain who partially wants to HELP the hero, is kinda interesting 😗 Also, I like how ruthless she can be. I knew she manipulative like straight from the memory that Bloom had. I immediately was like “I don’t trust this old lady >_>” But her levitating Farah and SNAPPING her neck... Oof. Chills. Verdict: I look forward to seeing where she goes :3

Final Conclusion: Fate: Winx the Saga, purely as a show, is very good in my opinion. whether you’ve watched Winx Club or not, I suggest giving it a try and going in with an opened mind. You may even find a new favorite show :3... Okay that may be pushing it lol. But it’s very good if you like fantasy, magic, and bad ass female characters 😗

#Fate: The Winx Saga #Winx #Winx Club #Netflix #Netflix Original #Siddy Rambles #Not RWBY o:#Some Siddy lore 😗

5 notes · View notes

scrunchie-face · 4 years

Text

My ranking of TS8 based on absolutely nothing but my personal opinion

From least to most favorite:

peace: this is the only song on the album i really don’t like. her accent/cadence sounds a little affected to me and there aren’t any lyrics or musical moments that really resonate.

invisible string: i feel like i might get some pushback on this since so many people seemed to LOVE this one but hear me out. This one is clearly about Joe and their relationship and for me, there is not a single song about him that she has written that has been as good as “Call It What You Want” and “New Year’s Day.” Every other song she has written since then about being happily in a relationship with Joe has fallen flat for me. Also, I’m not gonna lie, the more cynical and less romantic side of me finds the whole concept of the “invisible string” to be a bit trite and saccharine. “Isn’t it just so pretty?” To me, yes, it is a pretty thought and that’s all it is.

mirrorball: this song is pretty, and reminds me very strongly of the Speak Now era, but with the complexity and maturity that she’s obviously acquired since then. That being said, to me the metaphor feels like it’s trying to go in two different directions at once and neither one quite gets there, leaving a song that feels somewhat unfinished. It’s either a very pretty love song or a darker reflection on identity, but it never feels like it commits to either.

august: this is where we really start to get into “there’s nothing really wrong with it, I just like other tracks better” territory. Lyrically, I think it’s very poignant, with its reflections on love, time, and memory. Unfortunately, I think the whole “Teenage Love Triangle” hint actually does this song a disservice by indicating that the speaker is the “other woman.” Since the bent of the other two songs (”cardigan” and “betty”) seems to indicate that those two singers/speakers are the couple that is “meant to be” it gives the poor unnamed “august” singer a bit of an uphill battle for sympathy in context. That’s not to say I don’t have any sympathy for her; I have by far the least sympathy for James. Unfortunately, James gets a catchier song (more on that when i get to “betty”). Which brings me to the real reason for this low-ish ranking: I just don’t find the song as musically compelling as most of the others on the album.

this is me trying: as I suggested in the previous paragraph, a lot of the way I rank songs personally is by how much the music resonates with me. I can forgive a lot lyrically if the way the music moves gives me goosebumps. With “this is me trying,” there are several lyrics that I love. The repeated “I have a lot of regrets about that”? PERFECTION. Musically, however, the song as a whole doesn’t really impress itself upon me, making all but the couple lyrics I really love forgettable to me.

mad woman: this song, and the two on either side of it, were ranked somewhat arbitrarily. higher than “this is me trying” for having a little more edge and a more engaging tune, lower than “hoax” because I generally prefer sadness and angst to anger. This is by far the most vindictive track on the album, and while I understand it and think it’s executed very well, the tone isn’t totally appealing to me personally.

hoax: this song, to me, has a very strong Hozier vibe that I enjoy very much. As i said in my blurb about “mad woman” I connect more emotionally with the sadness and turmoil here, hence its higher ranking. “stood on the cliffside screaming ‘give me a reason’“?! Gorgeous, and if you’ve ever felt that way, the line resonates in your bones. “the only hoax I believe in” is such a complex line that I could probably write paragraphs about it; it’s got psychological, emotional, and even religious elements to it that I think are part of what makes such a sad and personal song still feel universally relatable. It asks you, what are your hoaxes? Which ones do you believe? Is it because you want to? Because you have to? betty: ranking this song was difficult, because i find the character of James to be incredibly irritating. Unfortunately, the questionable nature of James’ behavior and attitude towards Betty and the unnamed girl is not enough to condemn the song to a lower ranking because the tune is just so catchy and fun. It’s got one of the best hooks on the album: the rhyming of “Inez” and “she says” just delights me every time. The “--most times--” caveat is amusing and very in character for a teenager trying to explain himself. And then “the worst thing that I ever did was what I did to you.” It sounds super trite, yes, but it would’ve probably gotten my forgiveness when I was seventeen. Also I love “will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends?” Bold words for someone in James’ position but I love the bravado and the way it pairs with the music. The triumph here may be premature but it’s SUPER contagious. epiphany: so this one is perhaps the most arbitrarily placed because I realized when I got the the end of my list that I had forgotten it.... BUT that being said, I really like this song. It seems to be one of the more divisive on the album; people either love it or think it’s boring. I like it a lot. When we talk about big events--wars, pandemics--it’s very easy to distance ourselves from them and forget that those more affected than we are are people too. This song gently rehumanizes the people we see in books and newspapers and tv reports, reminding us that they are suffering, they are trying, and reminding them that they are seen and loved. It’s extremely beautiful and moving.

the 1: based on my previous claims that the music is my most important factor in song ranking, this one may seem unfairly high. Like with “peace” I find the accent/modulation of her voice in this song to be somewhat affected and irritating. The tune, while fun and catchy, doesn’t really have much power behind it. But I enjoy it just enough that, paired with some absolutely spot-on lyrics, this becomes a song I was deeply attached to from the first listen. Anyone who has ever had an important relationship that came to nothing will recognize the brief emotional rollercoaster of “I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn’t though,” and feel absolutely convicted by the bridge. “persist and resist the temptation to ask you/ if one thing had been different/ would everything be different today?” If you’ve lost a friend or a lover, you’ve tormented yourself with that question, I guarantee it. Even off her musical A-game, she absolutely nails the emotions here, and I love it.

my tears ricochet: this song actually started out pretty close to the bottom and slowly made its way up. Honestly, the reason for its low ranking was that I still can’t quite figure out what it means. Taylor occasionally writes songs that are very hard to tease out into any sort of linear narrative or neat metaphor; you feel them more than you understand them. And for that reason it usually takes me a little more time to get to a point where I appreciate them. The relationship here is tangled; it’s not the simple bad guy/good girl that we would’ve seen in the Speak Now era, and I would argue that at times it’s unclear which party is even the speaker. Once my analytical mind got past that hurdle, I remembered that this is one of the most musically powerful songs on the album. The bridge? GOOSE.BUMPS. The way the music builds and pounds at “just not home... in your bones.” Shivers. Even if I don’t totally understand what the song means, i can feel the conviction and emotion in the words and music and that is what makes it such a pleasure to listen to.

cardigan: this song is simply beautiful. just lovely. sad and nostalgic and hopeful and it just hits on some stuff that is absolutely true. “when you are young they assume you know nothing./ But I knew you.” I recently had a conversation with my husband about this very concept. This idea that adults look down on young people simply because they don’t have “perspective.” But the truth is that young people know something very important: what it is like to be young and to experience things AS A YOUNG PERSON. Not as an adult looking back on being young, but as a person to whom these experiences are fresh and real and important. “cardigan” takes that whole concept: the struggle between youthful experience and adult perspective, and absolutely NAILS IT. Add in a touch of the sentiments from “the 1″: “i knew you’d haunt all of my what ifs.... i knew i’d curse you for the longest time,” and combine it with a melody that rises and falls and slows down and speeds up and you just have this gorgeous tribute to youth and life and love.

illicit affairs: i love this song so so much. I’ve never been in an “illicit affair,” but the regret and the confusion and the attachment and the love and the hate and the feeling of being trapped are all so raw and visceral that even if you’ve never felt anything like this before in your life you can feel it now. Underneath the fairly simple melody of “don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby,” you can hear the screaming anger and heartbreak. “look at this idiotic fool that you made me!” Gah. I can’t even. It’s just so real. So there. This is a song that you both understand AND feel and it’s so powerful it’s almost overwhelming. Taylor and her killer bridges absolutely ending me every time.

the last great american dynasty: this song is so fun. The story is funny and sad except the indomitable Rebecca doesn’t for a moment let you feel sorry for her. As soon as you see her pacing the rocks looking out over the ocean--a wistful, often angst-ridden position--the song turns right around and informs you that she stole a neighbor’s dog and dyed it green. And then, “and then it was bought by me.” The story has been so definitively about someone ELSE this time until suddenly SURPRISE! The twist at the end is delightful; every story we tell, every story we love, we tell it and love it because it’s about us too. And like i said, there is a quiet undercurrent of sadness and loneliness that never becomes the focal point of the song but is there giving it depth and something more to think about that facts and funny anecdotes. This song is a unique one in Taylor’s discography, and it stands up very well to that status.

exile: is my love for this song partially colored by the fact that Justin Vernon’s voice makes me swoon? Probably. The duet between him and Taylor is hair-raisingly beautiful and heartachingly melancholy. But that aside, I think the thing that first caught my attention was Taylor’s verse. The “staring honey/understudy/knuckles bloody” rhyme drives me absolutely WILD. It’s SO GOOD. It flows perfectly and poetically and honestly i transcend my body and scream with delight into the ether at those three lines every time. That is not an exaggeration. Also, “I’m not your problem anymore, so who am I offending now?” And of course the juxtaposition between “never gave a warning sign (i gave so many signs)” is this perfect description of how, to quote another, much older, lyric “miscommunication leads to fallout.” This song reminds me very much of “Story of Us.” In case you couldn’t tell from previous comments, this whole album, for me, recalls Speak Now, very strongly in many ways. I see her revisiting a lot of similar themes and stories with a more mature perspective and a different sound. Red as well, actually, but I digress.

seven: i knew from very early on that this would be my favorite song on the album. Taylor’s voice goes places I have NEVER heard before, evoking something elemental and primal. “Before I learned civility/ I used to scream ferociously/ any time I wanted.” Her forays into actual childhood in her songwriting are periodic but relatively rare, and this is unquestionably the best of the lot. Here we see children, almost too young to remember exactly what happened, but marked forever by their experiences of nature and relationships. “I can’t recall your face/ I’ve still got love for you.” This song evokes all the things that dance around the edge of your memory: faces from long ago, the feeling of flying, the fear of falling, the irresistible impulse to plant yourself on the ground and fling your existence out into the world with your voice. The need to feel safe. The references to a friend’s troubled home life are oblique: “your dad is always mad... you won’t have to cry or hide in the closet,” and the solutions are childlike: “come live with me...and be pirates,” “move to India forever.” The song is an immersive experience, charged with feelings you can’t quite express, but that you know and remember, although they are perhaps faded a bit around the edges.

#taylor swift #folklore #ts8 #phew that was way more than i intended it to be #glad i did it tho

7 notes · View notes

hellreads · 5 years

Note

Hi! Can you suggest some good immersive fics that will make me feel all the feels? Even better if they're series! Thank you I love your blog!!

hi there sweetie, thank you for loving this blog, lemme love you too!💕💖✨ hmm this is tricky, to ask me of all people for immersive fic recommendations because I always immerse (to me reading something I enjoy and immersing in it makes me feel like I’m an actress playing the part so whatever genre it is watch me get into it 100%) but I’ll try and make a list of fics one per member, where I immersed myself through and through (shit this is harder than I thought, btw WII stands for why I immersed lol ~ list under the cut) 😅 | 🍒

➴ Kim Namjoon❥ Let the Villain Win by @lemonjoonah➴ Author/Yandere!AU | Author!Namjoon x Agent!Reader | One-Shot➴ Kim Namjoon, famous author and your childhood friend has been keeping a secret from you. His new book treads on such dark themes that he’s finding it difficult to write. Excited by the prospect of a sinister plot you offer him a piece of advice, “Let the villain win…”➴ WII: I love Misery by Stephen King plus its movie adaption and LTVW gave me reverse Misery vibes, I know most people wouldn’t want to put themselves or immerse into stories like this but the adrenaline rush of being in MC’s shoes? delicious, I felt like as soon as Namjoon’s plan came to fruition my body astral projected to see him in all his yandere glory.

➴ Kim Seokjin❥ In the Bleak Midwinter by @pcyheartgirlx➴ Idol/Prostitution!AU | Idol!Seokjin x CEO!Reader x Idol!Chanyeol | Series➴ We’re all whores, we just sell different parts of ourselves.You own a multi-billion dollar company, servicing the biggest names in kpop, in more ways than one. Under the name “Starlight Catering”, you, your best friends, Damon and Maya, and your hundreds of workers provide stress relief for idols.You have partially retired, not because you didn’t want to, but because Chanyeol was your muse. He was all that you had time for and all you needed. Until Jin came along.So what happens when you mix fire and ice?You get smoke and all the lines are blurred.➴ WII: tbh starting this fic I never really knew what I was getting into, all I saw was Kim Seokjin and I was sold, I was never a Park Chanyeol stan before reading this but I ended up being one, there’s a lot going on in this series but to immerse and be in a love triangle between the two men and feel the push and pull plus intense passionate emotions they’re willing to shower you with will tear you apart, but don’t worry there are two doors at the end of the story you get to choose between Jin or Chanyeol.

➴ Min Yoongi❥ Dead Leaves by wrienne➴ Detective/Infidelity!AU | Detective Inspector!Yoongi x Homicide Detective!Reader x Teacher!Jimin | Series➴ In which you (reader) are a homicide detective about to face the biggest hurdle both of your career and life.Married to probably the kindest but most boring man you’ve ever met and living in a town where nothing ever seems to happen means life for you is dull. Dull enough to drive you crazy with boredom and dissatisfaction. However, life changes abruptly when your old boss retires and a new man takes his place - a man you used to love (and sleep very regularly with) more than a decade ago. Especially when your husband comes home smelling of perfume, you’re unable to resist your more carnal urges and dead women start showing up across the city with unnerving frequency.➴ WII: I have always had a thing for working in forensics, profiling people, investigating crime scenes, and basically any investigator/detective/analyst work and this story right here helped me get that feel because there are actual cases they work on here with vivid descriptions to help that wild imagination of yours *wink* + the whole infidelity affair is a mystery you’ll have to use your deduction skills.

➴ Jung Hoseok❥ Bad Guy by @sweetbunnykook➴ Mob/Infidelity!AU | Mob Boss!Jin x Wife!Reader x Mob!Yoongi x Mob!Hoseok | Series➴ After a brutal attack in Hong Kong, your marriage with Kim Seokjin cracks as secrets begin to surface and a series of betrayals find their way into the veins of the Hidden Tigers. Although Jin’s devotion endures, in his own definition, the reality of being a mob wife may be too much for you to bear.➴ WII: this will put you in a rollercoaster ride of emotions there are actually three members here that will make things quite hard for you, but I have to say BG Hoseok is definitely one of my favorite characterizations of him, though there will be a push and pull of emotions once you get further into the story.. also, you’ll have to go through so much because immersing in this one will hurt a lot to the point where your heart is almost numbed.

➴ Park Jimin❥ Neighbors by @jkeuphoriadreamland➴ Neighbor/Stalker!AU | Stalker!Jimin x Neighbor!Reader | Series➴ Finally achieving your successes in life you never expected the distraction that came with your new hot neighbor. He, however, had been trying to get your attention for a much different reason.➴ WII: hey it’s ya girl danger lover (my tag line lol), seriously immersing in this one will kinda make you wonder about MC and her choices as if Jimin cast a spell on her, there is this psychological manipulation he uses on her and it will drive you to madness because you will still bend to him and find him irresistible + the kinks here = wildt.

➴ Kim Taehyung❥ Clandestine by @ditzymax➴ Assassin!AU | Assassin!Taehyung x Assassin!Kinsoo x BF!Jungkook | Series➴ As a professional assassin, Kim Kinsoo has many shrouded secrets in her life. Some of them she shares openly with her loving boyfriend, but there are other things he must never know➴ WII: now I know you’re probably wondering if it’s possible to immerse in fics with named OC? as I said I’m an actress who plays the part when reading and to immerse into the enigma that is Kinsoo is a wonderful experience, this belongs to the list of the intense fics I immersed into and if you’re the type to go all out when immersing no matter what genre or theme (taboo) the story contains you’ll enjoy the intensity of this one because you get everyone’s POV as you go through making you understand each character better and there is actual assassin work here if you enjoy the stealth way, you’ll appreciate Taehyung and Kinsoo’s work and the people that work for them.

➴ Jeon Jungkook (I’ll list five why not? I have read way too many JJK fics lol)❥ Right of Way by fringesofsanity➴ Infidelity!AU | Cheater!Jungkook x Cheater/GF!Reader x BF!Jimin | Series➴ In theory, things were simple: your best friend was Jungkook’s girlfriend while your boyfriend, Jimin, was Jungkook’s best friend. In reality, things weren’t always that simple. And mutually exclusive.➴ WII: if there’s one story I will never shut up about? it’s this one, I always recommend this to friends, this is the perfect depiction of having a taste of your own medicine in fic form, immersing in this one will make you fall for Jungkook and hope for your own ending, but this won’t sugarcoat anything for you and that’s what I love about this story, but tbh I still think of my own ending every single night. sighhhhh.

❥ When You Least Expect It by @johobi➴ F2L!AU | BFF!Taehyung x BFF/GF!Reader x BF!Jungkook | Series➴ You’re in love with your childhood friend, Taehyung. The problem is, you treasure your friendship with him far too much to ever risk losing it. Oh, and he’s quite the Casanova. At your wits’ end with feelings you can no longer hide as diligently as you once did, you ask him to set you up with someone, anyone, in a last ditch attempt to avoid a heartbreaking conversation.➴ WII: okay, me putting this under the list for Jungkook must expose which side I’m on but that’s not the reason why this is under his name, it’s here because I love his WYLEI characterization so much and if you’ve been reading this series too, you’re probably head over heels in love with the boy too? and immersing in this, feeling all the ways he changed MC’s life and the way he loves her? stop it i’m crying right now. T_T

❥ Only You by @sweetbunnykook➴ Stalker/Lovers!AU | Stalker/BF!Jungkook x Noona/GF!Reader x Ex-Fiance!Namjoon x BFF!Seokjin | Series➴ Jeon Jungkook, your wedding photographer, helps you escape on your big day upon learning about a secret your groom-to-be kept hidden. You soon fall for this young, passionate photographer. However, you underestimated just how much he was willing to reciprocate that love. Maybe, you think, he’s loving you just a little too much.➴ WII: ahhhh to be Jungkook’s Noona, I love immersing in this because there’s so much intense passion here, and if you allow yourself to fall into the role you will understand the statement that Love is Blind that people will overlook anything their lover is involved in because so what if they did this or that? they only have hearts in their eyes, the manipulation here might get to you irl, like wow, seriously this was so brilliantly written, how can you not love Jungkook and give him everything right?

❥ DNA by @btssavedmylifeblr➴ Dystopian/Breeding!AU | Stud!Jungkook x Cow!Reader | Series➴ Jungkook’s career is in jeopardy when he begins falling for a woman he’s supposed to impregnate.➴ WII: the futuristic feels? amazing description and details? unique universe? if you’re up for those things this is one amazing read you should be immersing yourself into, I’m so in love with the way this was written, Bee and her galaxy mind will challenge you into painting all of her words in your head and you’ll have an advanced futuristic universe where babies are manufactured and modified to your liking but if you mix feelings into the process and what do you get? ugh, this is just brilliant!

❥ The Fitting by @noona-la-la-la➴ Idol!AU | Idol!Jungkook x Stylist/Noona!Reader | Series➴ The younger Jungkook has a workplace crush on you, but you let the flattery get to you and make a proposition you can’t take back.➴ WII: who can ever say no to idol!jungkook? prepare to immerse into this tension-filled romance with Jungkook, laced with complications of keeping a secret “relationship“, so this is what happens when fire meets ice at work, and this being an idol!au will give you a glimpse of how they probably keep their affairs hidden from everyone and it can be stressful, full of jealousy, and fights.

➴ OT7 ❥ Void by @btssavedmylifeblr➴ Space!AU | Space Crew!OT7 x Space Crew!Reader | Series➴ You are the only female crew member on a 12-year space mission with seven handsome men. The sexual tension is real, y’all.➴ WII: BEST.OT7.FIC.EVER. so why not immerse yourself and be the only girl in their universe right? this has so much sexual tension since they only have you sis, but it’s fun to get all the attention tho there will be stressful and trying times, the boys will compensate *wink*wink*

❥ A Hundred Percent Human by wrienne➴ Hybrid/Host-Club!AU | Hybrid!OT7 x Human/Owner!Reader | Series➴ In which you (reader) are forced to take care of seven hybrids in a twist of fate.After your estranged mother passes away, you’re left with an unwanted will and the heavy burden of responsibility. Although you’re desperate not to stray from the familiar path you thought was laid out in front of you with a fully human boyfriend who loves you more than anything, your life is thrown upside down once more after another unfortunate incident (that may or may not have to do with said boyfriend) occurs.Drunk and down on life, you finally decide to deal with the house and the unsavory business your mother left behind. However, to your shock, you find that seven very different hybrids are included with both the house - and the business. Seven hybrids you never even met before - even less agreed to take care of.Set in the not too distant future where infertility has become mankind’s greatest issue. Will contain sexual content.➴ WII: what’s an ot7 fic without tension? majority of the boys are dog hybrids with certain classes and MC has no fucking clue how to deal with hybrids let alone seven of them with two of them being special classes/cases, this will be a little slow-paced as the story starts more on their background/history as hybrids and they’re still getting comfy with one another, which I think is a great way to pull readers in and grow attached to the hybrids.

❥ Moth to Flame by @bang-to-the-tan➴ Vampire!AU | Vampire!OT7 x Human!Reader | Series➴ Robbed of your memories and intended as a birthday present for a deadly creature of the night, you unwittingly become the center of a territorial dispute between two covens of vampires. Tensions are rising and the brothers are getting hungry.➴ WII: how can we pass up on vampire!ot7? this is a brilliant story that will have the same haze effect on you as the reader, I immersed hardcore on this one and I’m like who am I? it’s weird when you get affected and get all the phantom feels from reading alone you know? and this will affect you so much I swear to god it’s you literally transported and astral projected into this universe and it’s so pleasing but also frightening to be in the middle of two covens.

❥ Physcom by @teawithkpop➴ Dystopian/Sex Worker!AU | Idol!OT7 x Physical Companion!Reader | Series➴ AU where live-in Physical Companions are provided to k-pop groups so the members can relieve their sexual related stress and tension - around their busy schedules, of course. You are one such “PhysCom”. However, complications arise when the BTS members start harboring romantic feelings for you. Feelings you’re not sure you can reject with any believable amount of conviction. Such a scandal could result in getting both you and them fired and exposed, ruining any future career options for all parties involved… it turns out the “com” in PhysCom might as well stand for complications.➴ WII: this has an interesting take on being Bangtan’s “companion” and to immerse into this one and watching everyone catch feelings and defy the rules for a chance at romance will overwhelm you, you a mere “companion” now the object of their affection and they’re willing to do anything and everything for you even if it means risking it all.

p.s. I suggest you go through my FICSHELF to view all of the stories I ever read so you get to choose the exact story you want to read, the shelf contains story links (Tumblr and ao3 if any) with summary, warnings, and more info about the fic (character role, genre, au, word count).

#answered #tete-a-tete #anon #recs from hell #rfh:ot7 #rfh:knj #rfh:ksj #rfh:myg #rfh:jhs #rfh:pjm #rfh:kth #rfh:jjk #this was hard because if i could add everything i read here i would #but that's why i have a ficshelf lol :3 #anyway the jungkook list i ~ hear me out i had to add at least five because i have a page filled with JJK fics also 3/5 have other members #I hope you'll find this list helpful love!

142 notes · View notes

ailuronymy · 4 years

Text

Book Club: Tallstar’s Revenge, chpt. 19-27 overview.

Meta analysis of Erin Hunter writing tropes and trends, courtesy of two acclaimed e-sports commentators:

“[Erin Hunter is] like, we need these characters to seem smart, so they will be the ones to call out all the bullshit. But they [the writers] don't go, wait, why is the bullshit even happening, it doesn’t make sense, and then write something better in the first place. I guess because we read these books on such a meta level so often, it really feels like watching one person play ping-pong against themselves, but one persona needs to look good so the other persona keeps giving themselves wedgies at the table and holding the paddle the wrong way. Which is... less impressive overall than just watching a nice normal game of ping-pong.” - S.

“Erin Hunter, about to self-own: I'm gonna pull what's called a pro-gamer move,” - K.

“Literally! I can’t get past it. I know both players are you, Erin Hunter. I can see you putting on your dunce hat and walking to the other end of the table. You’re not tricking me.” - S.

This week we’re discussing this chapter through these nine questions. Please feel welcome to do the same and @ailuronymy + use the tag #ailuronymy writing challenge. Happy reading and I’m looking forward to seeing your feelings about this book.

1. First impressions?

K. Oh boy. Lots of emotions, lots of rollercoaster moments. I'm actively hating the things that are happening, all the time, forever.

S. Mood. I would say actively detesting what's happening is the primary emotion now.

2. How did you feel reading this section?

S. Very much bounced between anger and frustration, with moments of genuine delight. Very much extreme ends of the negative and positive spectrum.

K. I don't think I've been more confused and full of pure venom in my life. As a writer I am appalled, and as a reader I am... so uncertain. The good bits were truly lovely to read, though. They made it feel worthwhile, when they shone through.

3. What chapter did you find most interesting/moving/effective, and why?

S. I think it's got to be the conversation with Heatherstar and Barkface. I think that most hooked me. I was also interested with the Flailfoot conversation, although I hated the turn it took. It will be different in my version.

K. Chapter Twenty is the one that actively had me yelling aloud. I was so ready for the Erins to make Tallpaw a tunneller out of sheer fear, and so to see the back-to-back catharsis of Heatherstar disbanding the tunnellers and then Dawnstripe being so A+... god. It got me good.

4. What chapter did you find least interesting/effective/most frustrating, and why?

K. I honestly blue-screened throughout all of Chapter Twenty-Seven, the last chapter. Without anything happening at all, I saw a swathe of unending, dull descriptive text and my mind just blacked out to save me from comprehending any of it.

S. Was that the moonstone one?

K. Nope, that's like, the very last chapter of our reading. When he leaves the Clan and finds some rogue cat to lead him in the direction of a house.

S. Oh right. I forgot that too. I'm going to go with the Moonstone chapter, though. I fell asleep and dreamed of a better book for that whole time.

5. Is there a passage that stuck in your mind–for good, or not-so-good reasons? What is it, and why did it stand out? Try breaking it down and analysing what this passage does and how.

S. There were several things in this chapter I loved and that really resonated with my concept of Tallpaw and my writing.

S. “He’d be a warrior soon, then a senior warrior like Hareflight. One day he’d be an elder, limping like Whiteberry and sharing stories from moons ago with his denmates. Above the vast sky stretched toward distant horizon. The Clan looked small and fragile beneath it. Was this it? His life laid out before him like an old story, told again and again through countless moons? Tallpaw’s chest tightened. Suddenly he felt trapped, as though he were in the tunnels once again.”

S. “A thought flashed in his mind. We’re just visitors, like the rogues. We arrive, we eat, we sleep, and then we move on to StarClan. The only difference was that Clan cats stayed in one place their whole life. I’ll only ever see heather and grass and sky. Tallpaw felt WindClan’s borders pressing closer.” I loved this kind of thinking showing up in the story, and I’d have loved way more of this and far far less of literally everything else. You could honestly cut out all of the Sandgorse angst and just lean into this, because it's good and it's real.

S. I also lost my whole mind at this bit: “They’re survivors, like you,” Barkpaw purred. They walked in silence for a while. Talltail gently steered his friend toward Outlook Rock. “I love this view,” he mewed as he led Barkpaw out across the stone. Barkpaw peered into the night-shadowed valley. “Why? Everything is so dark and far away.” Talltail sat down, beckoning Barkpaw to sit beside him with a flick of his tail. “Just wait.” “For what?” The sky was growing pale as the sun pushed up toward the horizon behind them. Glancing over his shoulder, Talltail saw weak rays seeping through the bare branches of ThunderClan’s forest. “You’ll see in a moment,” he told Barkpaw. As he spoke, the sun lifted above the trees. Sunlight swept the moor and lit up the tips of Highstones. S. I was basically like fist-pumping. Canonical evidence that dawn is Tallstar's favourite time of day. I didn't know this before I wrote my other story, but damn it feels good. I love when things line up serendipitously like that.

K. Absolutely. Those felt so good to read. Not a very long passage, but: “How could his Clan be so unfeeling?” — This isn’t a galaxy brain take or anything, but I do love how evident it is that Tallpaw is just. Solidly projecting his own feelings onto everyone else. They’re not unfeeling, dog! You are!!

6. What themes have you noticed in this section? Are these themes a continuation of the themes you noticed in the first section, or has the story’s focus changed since then?

S. In the first chunk, I picked out "division" as a theme. And that feels very true still, as far as what's happening in the story. It's even more emphatic, with Palebird pushing Talltail out of her family (or so he feels, and with reason, in my opinion) and his self-imposed removal from the clan.

K. "Desire" might also be poignant for this section, actually. Talltail's desire to go off on his own, Barkface's desire for Talltail to be happy, so many other background characters doing something with their lives to have a new start (while Talltail broods).

S. Yes! I agree there. It's actually pretty interesting how the clan's unity in the face of tragedy and their kinship with the visitors is actually a big catalyst for Talltail to feel that division happening. The more together they are, the more apart he feels. I think desire is true of this too. There's--as always--a lot of emphasis on individuality, and choosing your own destiny and doing what you want. It reminds me of that line from Hawkheart that I really liked, how every cat has to choose their destiny.

7. If you were going to learn a lesson from this section, what lesson would it be? What message stands out to you most clearly? Do you agree with it?

S. I think insofar as I can glean a lesson from this section, I'd go with learning from Heatherstar: sometimes it will be difficult to help people and they might resent you for it, but if you have the power to make a positive change, you should act, even though it's hard. S. That feels very appropriate, given the state of the world right now. So many people are angry that authority figures are telling them to stay home and prevent the spread of COVID, and are resenting the very people who are trying to save their lives. I can see that same issue playing out so clearly in these chapters, after the death of Sandgorse in the tunnels.

K. Absolutely. It's so, so easy to direct anger towards something or someone tangible, rather than accepting that there are things that Just Happen and there's nothing you can do about it.

K. I was going to say something very similar: the things you need to make yourself better aren't always the things you want to hear. So many people try to help guide Talltail away from his anger or towards other, much healthier ways of thinking -- all of them trying to tell him he doesn't HAVE to be a tunneler is one moment -- and he just HATES hearing it, every time. He doesn't want to accept it. It feels better to be in his emotions about it, even if that's most obviously the worst thing he could be doing for himself and for others. Sometimes you just have to let other people give you the honest to god vibe check and learn to put your heart down for a bit, to see what you need to see.

S. Definitely. I feel that getting better necessitates taking responsibility for yourself. It seems like Talltail is resisting that, maybe because it's difficult to be honest with yourself. If you try, you risk failing. And the problem with any kind of self-improvement or recovery is that it's overall made up of little moments of trying to be better every day. That's so much failure to face, it can feel insurmountable. Whereas one grand gesture of revenge? So much easier. Anger is a motivating emotion, so if you stay in anger, you can often get things done. But anger is also an emotion that makes it harder to react with patience or think clearly. A double-edged sword, if you will.

K. Absolutely. Pinning "if I complete X Task, I will feel better and fix myself" on some big goal is way easier.

S. I think that's what's happening for him at this time. He's not willing to do the mundane, scary work of trying to be better each day, and is going for something he thinks will alleviate guilt instead. But of course it won't.

8. The title of this novel is Tallstar’s Revenge. How do you feel about that title so far? Does it reflect the content of the story well, or would you choose a different title? What alternative title would you suggest?

S. I personally feel the title sets up the story poorly. Because I knew it was hinged around revenge, I was alert and looking for it from the start. I was paying attention to potential betrayals or crimes, so on. And when I realised this extremely unlikeable awful character, Sandgorse, was the catalyst, I got real mad.

K. I don't even know what better title would work, since I'm honestly not very fond of the Super Editions titles. They just... all do the same, on-the-nose shit and it makes it very boring from the start.

S. I think if we were allowed to tweak it a little, The Forgiveness of Tallstar, would be a title I would potentially enjoy more. There's an ambiguity to it, re: who is being forgiven. Is it Tallstar who needs to be forgiven, or is it Tallstar doing the forgiving. And I think you could thematically tie that in so much better to the kinds of beats this story is already showing up.

K. The only like, quote from the book that I think you could mangle into a title is "We guard the edge of the world," which like... I dunno, having something like "On The Edge" included in there feels right. The book's obviously full of big tension and drama within Windclan, while also noting that they literally are on the fringe of Clan territory.

S. I think maybe Beyond the Edge of the World? Since that’s essentially where Tallstar’s journey takes him?

K. Yeah!

9. Many of us read because we’re curious to find out what’s next. How has curiosity featured in your experience of this book? What’s motivated you to keep reading?

K. Hoo boy. Honestly, half of the reason I'm reading is just with crossed fingers that somehow, SOMEHOW, Talltail becomes better. I know he must. He has to.

S. For me, curiosity is a big part of why I'm reading--and continuing to read--this book. I want to know what happens next! I'm just usually expecting not to like it.

Final notes:

K. I'm excited for Jake to show up, because I feel that'll help break up whatever the hell Talltail is doing. He needs an excitable twink to break him from the evil fog he's in. S. I don't know if Jake is a twink, honestly. K. Oh, very true. We do love a good himbo. S. He's a bit of a rolypoly boy, according to the wiki. K. OH, even better. K. I forgot that Talltail is the twink. S. He's just a long sad string bean.

K. I AM APALLED AT THIS TURN OF EVENTS, ERIN K. This book is… it’s like being consistently starved to death and then given like, a single apple slice and going ravenous for it. There are so many moments that FEEL great (even if they’re not miraculous, writing or content wise), almost solely because so many things that precede them straight up cause my reader brain to flatline. The despicable one-two punch of Chapter Nineteen into the handful of great moments in Chapter Twenty makes me feel like I’m being waterboarded by Erin Hunter. K. Erin Hunter, holding my head down into the waters of godawful content, before yanking me up for air to see Heatherstar and Dawnstripe saying Good Things just to shove me in again. S. I can't disagree with you. S. I genuinely had moments of going "yeah!!!" followed by "NO!!!" like that one John Mulaney skit.

S. Anyway, I'd like to start us off with a familiar old Erin Hunter classic theme, quoting my notes: - "Is it even a Warriors novel without multiple birth scenes?" - "Oh excellent another peripheral birth scene, I felt that there wasn’t quite enough in this book so far" S. If I don't have multiple women moaning and/or shrieking and/or groaning from birthing pains in my Warriors novels, I'd be devastated. K. It'd break the immersion.

K. I am very happy to see Deadfoot on the scene though, even though he shows up for like. .5 seconds before he's gone. A very good and lovely baby boy. S. “Tallpaw turned back and tucked his nose under the black tom’s belly. “Hang on!” he warned, flipping the kit onto his shoulders. Tallpaw purred as the young kit dug his tiny claws into his pelt, and carried him over to his littermates.” uhhhh what the fuck K. YUP K. Y U P K. HEY ERIN S. Let me just uhhh toss this child like a sack of potatoes over my cat shoulder real quick. K. Tiny Tim over here S. I lost it. I'm like, you really don't care what cat bodies can do, do you? K. Erin Hunter: hmmm what if we just pepper in some wack shit. Like, what if it's just. Nonsensical as fuck. Who's gonna tell us we can't? Harper Collins? S. And the answer is: of fucking course not, kitty kung fu time.

K. “You’ve turned mean, Tallpaw,” Reena spat. “ That’s why you’ve got no friends anymore. Whenever a cat comes near you, you bite their head off.” “So?” Tallpaw hissed. “At least I don’t kill them.” “See what I mean?” Reena’s gaze hardened. “Why don’t you talk to me once you’ve finished feeling sorry for yourself?” — God I love Reena, calling it like it is. S. Mood, but also: hate Erin Hunter for doing this to him, over Sandgorse. K. "Flailfoot is trying to reason for a Sandgorse Redemption Arc and I will NOT be having it, you LOSE sir, GOOD DAY," S. Note two from my notes page: "I DON’T CARE ABOUT SANDGORSE" S. Gets abused by father. Father dies in what is objectively an accident caused by his own defiance and hubris. ??? Goes on a hateful revenge spiral to try and make daddy proud. K. The worst part is that, unlike Bluestar's which was a fucking awful mess the entire way through, this one gives us just enough to show that the Erins are capable of like. SOMETHING. They can write okay things! They know what they're handing us is bullshit and they do it anyway! It's infuriating. S. From a writing perspective, it's kind of fascinating to see this all happen, because like. What a fucking horrorshow. S. Really feeling in this moment for the people who think Erin Hunter is a good writer. They're getting swindled on Sherlock is Garbage and Here's Why levels. S. Where's the secret good fourth episode, Erin???

K. “Tallpaw’s wish to learn the skills that led to his father’s death shows true courage.” — HEATHERSTAR WITH THE PREMIUM ROASTS K. Followed by: image: “fuck them [tunnels]” K. “Shrewpaw!” Dawnstripe glared at the apprentice. “Show some respect to your Clanmate.” Hareflight joined them. “Stop teasing him, Shrewpaw!” “This has gone beyond teasing!” Dawnstripe snapped. “If Shrewpaw were my apprentice, I’d claw his ears.” — HOLY FUCK, GET HIM K. The fact that nobody has noticed Shrewpaw using his claws during training is fucking ridiculous, though. He's done it the whole book, Erin. They would know. They would know. S. Admittedly don't love how everyone's concept of discipline is straight to violence, but we'll overlook that, I guess. K. I understand that like, bullying is something that can go unseen very often, but like. Come on, man. S. Yeah. It's like wearing knuckledusters to a playground fight. Hard to overlook.

S. It's what happens when your characters don't have internal worlds. They're just props standing there until you need them, not people watching and listening to what you're writing right in front of them. S. The problem with Erin Hunter's writing for me is that by this point it's hard to read their female characters generously. S. Most of the time I can go, "okay but if we pretend this woman is real, what rich inner world does she experience?" and try to pick up where lazy writers leave off, but like... Erin Hunter's characters are so vapid. K. It's horrible to read. It's just the worst. S. Not just the female characters, but especially the female characters. And I hate it. K. I'm genuinely surprised that Dawnstripe and Heatherstar haven't been mangled already, but honestly, half of my rage at this book comes from their moments, because it shows that the Erins know exactly what they're doing and how bad this fucking plot is. K. Two major background characters are constantly talking about how things Should Not Be The Way They Are, and it just makes me wanna bang my head on a wall. I know you can see the elephant in the room, Erin. You know this. You know the bad things you're making. S. I genuinely feel that’s why they do it. They make bad plots because it’s easier to make certain characters seem smart or likeable if everyone’s a rude idiot. S. They’re like, we need these characters to seem smart, so they will be the ones to call out all the bullshit. But they [the writers] don't go, wait, why is the bullshit even happening, it doesn’t make sense, and then write something better in the first place. S. I guess because we read these books on such a meta level so often, it really feels like watching one person play ping-pong against themselves, but one persona needs to look good so the other persona keeps giving themselves wedgies at the table and holding the paddle the wrong way. K. FUCK, THAT'S EXACTLY IT S. Which is... less impressive overall than just watching a nice normal game of ping-pong. K. Erin Hunter, about to self-own: I'm gonna pull what's called a pro-gamer move, S. I just can't get past it. S. I know both players are you, Erin Hunter. I can see you putting on your dunce hat and walking to the other end of the table. S. It makes it really hard to sink into the story. Whenever something stupid happens, I'm brutally yanked out of the narrative, and it's happening constantly at this point, because of the direction they're taking Tallpaw. S. I've tried to like, put that aside and imagine his perspective, but it's so challenging for me to envision an experience where I'm a nice boy on a moor with an idiot backwards dad who bullies me and tries to control my life with emotional manipulation and disregard for authority, and then he dies of the thing everyone was saying was super dangerous and off-limits, and then I lose my mind because I didn't make him proud while he was alive (which he's not anymore, because of tunnelling) so I need to do the thing that killed him (which is tunnelling). S. Tallpaw can't be smart and also have this characterisation for me. It's too incongruent.

#ailuronymy book club #hope you're all having a good time reading along! as always if you'd like to share your work please @ this blog. happy reading!

10 notes · View notes

patrick-donovan · 4 years

Text

LEAN ON ME | THATTIEMELT

WHEN: June 7th, 2020

WHERE: Thea Hudson’s house.

WHO: Thea Hudson & Patrick Donovan

EVENT: Patrick comes over to be there for Thea, making her food and giving her a massage, amongst other things.

PATRICK: What had happened in the past 12 or so hours had been so confusing, and a rollercoaster ride of emotions. He hadn't expected himself to become a full-on poet for Thea, sending her that long thing, but he had; he didn't know how else he could express himself without art or putting them into analogies. So there he was, pouring his heart out one moment, not expecting anything from it, and then listening to Thea tell him everything about her and Skye. It had been a lot, but he couldn't even begin to imagine what it was like for the girl whom he had feelings for. In the past week, she had been through hell and back, seeing her sister in the hospital, taking care of her, having various arguments with family members, seeing Finn on the island, and being told that Skye was in love with her. If she needed to scream, Patrick understood why.

He quickly grabbed everything he needed and hurried over to Thea's. He had been willing to sneak over to her house, if it meant that Skye didn't know about it. He figured it probably wasn't the best information to distribute to everyone on the island, that Thea was putting Patrick under orders; especially when she couldn't give a reason for it, in public. It was left to everyone's interpretation, and Patrick figured that Skye would assume the worst. He'd gotten used to being at her house now and quickly knocked on the door. "Hey," He said, when she opened the door and he saw her. He didn't want to wait for her permission to step inside, he just wrapped his arms around her, engulfing her in a tight hug.

THEA: Thea felt drained, she had just spent the last few hours packing up all of her sister's clothes, medication, toiletries, even adding her own shirt that Skylar had commandeered and brought it all over to Riley's before quickly coming back. She felt so awful. Thea didn't know that she been doing that to Skylar all these years, of course she loved her sister, but she was family and was an extremely slippery slope that the two had been navigating for several years and she felt so much guilt now. And her poor brother was struggling now too. And she still was on shaky grounds with her step-siblings. It was a disaster and she hated admitting that to herself.

Even with Patrick coming over, it felt like she would be twisting the knife in Skye's heart. So why was she doing it? Because Thea had to be honest to herself about accepting help. She heard a knock on the door, pushing up the glasses on the bridge of her nose, she didn't bother putting on a shirt over her sports bra as she came down to open the door for her guest. When Patrick acted as a friend to her by coming in, it didn't piss her off, because she was not his Domme right now. Wrapping her arms around his neck, hugging him in return, she brought her legs up and around his waist.

PATRICK: Patrick's hands instantly went around to Thea's back, rubbing it. He felt her legs move up and he helped her, his hand finding her way under her thigh to keep her there. "It's okay," He wanted to let her deal with her feelings the way that she wanted to - he was merely there to support it, as long as it didn't get violent. "It's okay," He repeated and stood there for a bit. His face tucked into her neck, and he took in her scent; it was sweet and calming, and just so...Thea. "It's gonna get better, yeah?" He moved his face so he could take a look at her. He hadn't seen her wearing her glasses in a while. He'd missed it. But her eyes behind them told him everything that he needed to know. "You're going to be fine."

THEA: She was thankful that Patrick just kind of knew what to do by holding her there, wrapping her legs around him almost as to hug his whole body. Thea just sort of stayed silent. She was sad, but more of a numbing sad than a crying sad. But feeling her friend holding onto her and telling her the affirmation helped. Her hand went to the back of his head as she felt him press into her neck. Her fingers just gently rubbing at the back of his head until he moves to look at her face. Gently she untangles her legs from Patrick's torso as she looks at him with her lips pressed together that was supposed to be a smile as she nodded. "Hey," she said. Her lips moving to peck his in greeting.

PATRICK: There had been so many things for Thea to deal with, Patrick knew that she hadn't looked after herself, or given herself time to process everything that had happened properly. To him, it felt like she just needed to take a step back and gain some more perspective before diving back into it all again. "Hi," He pecked her back, his hands finding hers, after she'd moved back to stand. Taking in a deep breath, there was a lot that needed to be done, if he wanted the girl to properly relax, but he had 12 hours to do so, and he planned on succeeding. "C'mon, let's go make some food, it'll give us some energy," He stated, and walked to the kitchen, his hand still holding hers. Once there, he grabbed her by her waist and lifted her up to sit on the kitchen counter as he quietly moved around the room to find everything he needed.

THEA: She still wasn't the best with hand holding, but she did allow Patrick to take her hand as he meant no harm by it. Thea had dropped a huge bomb on the Switch earlier tonight, and she could not believe how okay he was with it. She had always feared if she told anyone about her and Skylar the would automatically disassociate themselves from her and go about their lives. So the fact that her friend was still here amazed her. "Sounds good," she said as she walked beside him into the kitchen. As a Domme letting someone pick her up and put her places did not appeal to her so as he walked around her kitchen, she slid into one of the stools at her breakfast bar to silently watch him him cook for her. "I'm sorry for not being super talkative," she said in apology.

PATRICK: Patrick had turned his back to her for a few seconds, trying to find the food that he'd cook for her, and when he turned back around, she wasn't on the kitchen counter anymore. He looked over and saw her sat at the breakfast bar instead, and he softly smiled to himself. She always had a way of keeping him on his toes, even if it was unintentional. "You don't gotta apologize for that," Patrick shrug his shoulders and leaned down to fish a pan out of a cupboard. He came back up and smiled at her again. "I kinda just invited myself over, anyway," He justified, knowing that in some way, Thea was absolutely capable of taking care of herself - she was independent like that, and even though he joked about her "guns" a lot, he always meant it when he said that she was strong. But, he also figured that, even if she was capable of doing things on her own, she didn't need to. Patrick had made it very clear that he was there for her when she needed it, and after everything that had happened, it seemed like she did. "Do you remember that time that we went out to that new nightclub, "Dirty Dick's", and we came back to my apartment at like 7 in the morning? I think that was me peaking, in terms of grilled cheese making, they were so good."

THEA: She shook her head, "I mean I kinda had to put you under order for you to be here, so don't just think you've got that type of power," Thea warned, trying to keep up the banter, but also was feeling like she wasn't on the top of her game. She watched him and rests her elbows on the counter, leaning forward to look at him, trying not to focus on all the shit going on in her life right now. She was brought back to reality a bit when Patrick started talking. She had to think for a moment, but a small smile rose to her lips at the mention, "Yeah, I remember. I remember that dumb bartender who started a fight with a dude and smashed a bottle over his head. That night was a weird one." She said, having had plenty of night like that when going out with friends. Yet somehow they also had very classy nights as well. She let out a small laugh, "Yeah, that was a good grilled cheese, although I think it had to do with our drunk level as well." Thea points out before looking over at him.

PATRICK: Smiling, Patrick nodded. "Don't worry, I think everyone knows that you're the HBIC around here," He gave in, focusing on the sandwiches in front of him. He could practically do this in his sleep; he'd made so many of them for the Hudson girl and himself. He wasn't lying when he said it though; there seemed to be a certain amount of respect that Thea upheld on the island, even if she hadn't been around for years, or even months. She just had that vibe to her. And it had impressed him when he saw how she'd been defending her sister to Gavin, in the chat the other day, even if he'd been worried. Chuckling, Patrick nodded. "We got the fuck out of there after that," He grinned at the memory. He'd spent his years in college, not really caring about the academia, and more about the experience itself, and it gave him some good stories to tell; most of them involved Thea, and they were usually the ones where he hadn't ended up getting himself into trouble with some sort of authority figure. He placed the slices of buttered bread on the heated pan, and waited for them to cook for a bit, before he added the slices of cheese to it. Gasping dramatically, and completely in a joking manner, Patrick looked up at the girl. "Are you saying I drank? I could never, Momma Donovan taught me not to do that."

THEA: Thea rolled her eyes although it felt nice to be recognized as such in his eyes. She almost felt like deja vu as she sat there, having watched him make plenty of grilled cheeses whether it be an after class snack, a good food for a case of the munchies, or just because they both liked them, it was a staple. "Like who gets that pissed off at 4 in the morning?" She shook her head a bit, "And then we had to take the damn subway, but we got off the wrong exit, because...drunk." Thea shook her head a bit, rolling her eyes. "Oh please, you're Italian and Irish, drinking is in your blood. I think Momma Donovan taught you how to down shots." She teased a bit as she rest her head in her hand that was on the counter.

PATRICK: "New Yorkers do," Patrick grinned. He was from Long Island, he knew how people could get, especially on a night out. "It's a constant rage they feel, no one's safe. Not even the poor customer who just wanted a beer, even though they'd clearly run out," Rookies, Patrick thought to himself. He knew what it took to arrange parties; there always needed to be one more keg than originally measured. Patrick laughed at the memory of the both of them just stumbling around, arguing over when they were supposed to get off. "You can't deny that the walk home wasn't nice though," He told her, a small smirk on his face as he remembered it. He hadn't really dared to do anything up until that point, only some very heavy flirting. But that night, he'd actually dared himself to put his arm around her waist, not only to support the both of them, but also because he wanted to be close to her. That night had given him something to think about, having realized that it was more than just wanting to have sex with her. Patrick flipped the bread over and made it into the well-known sandwich. "You're right, she did. I was sick the next day," He told her and flipped the sandwich onto a plate and served it for her. "There you go," Patrick licked some melted butter off of his thumb and looked at Thea. "Grilled Cheese ala Patrick."

THEA: When Thea first arrived to the city, she automatically felt like she was supposed to be there. The grumpy and spunky attitude of New Yorkers, just embodied what she had always wanted. And she enjoyed the scrappy attitudes. "New Yorkers do," she repeated as she grinned a bit more. Before trying to think about the walk, but coming up short. "Honestly, I really can't remember anything other than being able to say that I told you so." She said with a small laugh before he finished making the sandwich. "Hell yeah, Charlotte." She said in support of his mom's actions. Looking down at the simple yet delicious dish, she laughed a bit before beckoning to come over to sit with her. "Split it with me," she said as she starts carefully separating it in half, knowing it was still a bit hot.

PATRICK: Surprised at Thea not remembering, Patrick raised his eyebrows. She hadn't seemed that drunk, she knew what station they were supposed to get off at, and they were going to Patrick's place. Maybe it was just the moment that hadn't really stood out to her, like it had for Patrick. He hummed lightly, not sure whether he should say anything or not - it wasn't really that significant after all. At least not to her. "There are way too many nights that I don't remember, and then people tell me about what I did, and I'm so confused," He'd never hang from a chandelier, Patrick was a good kid - with a bit of a temper sometimes, and he could be quite spontaneous, and randomly do something just to see people's reactions, and okay, maybe he had been swinging from a chandelier at some point. Smiling, he dried his hands on a nearby towel and saw her motioning for him to sit down next to her. He complied and moved over, watching her as she started to separate it. "Alright, but only because it's you," He took his half and moved it to 'clink' with hers. "Cheers." And then he took a bite out of it, nodding as he got every taste of it. "Oh, yeah..." He moaned to himself. "That's a good one."

THEA: She let out a laugh, "Boy don't I know it, from the way you used to go at it. The infamous orgy in the public bathroom." Thea reminisced about that whole mess before running a hand through her hair. Thea waited until he got over to her to hand it over to him. "Thank you, by the way," she said before gently bumping her half of the grilled cheese to his and took a bite. Her own moan left her lips almost in unison, nodding at his comment. "It is just the right amount of gooey goodness," she agrees staying basically silent as she quickly finishes it.

PATRICK: "I didn't even intend to walk in on that one, they just grabbed me, okay?" Patrick defended himself, holding his hands up. "In any other situation, sure, I will happily say that I initiated it, but not on this one," They'd gotten thrown out when they got caught and immediately banned from the place again; it had been the second time that Patrick had gotten himself arrested as well, something that he hadn't dared bring up to his parents, especially after they'd freaked out on him the first time. "It's okay," He told her softly, but also wanting to move on. He didn't want her to think about him being there to help her, but more as them just hanging out. Nodding in agreement, Patrick finished it up in a few bites. "Alright, so...food's taken care of. Massage next? Bath? Sleep?" Moving in, Patrick smiled, his nose almost touching hers and he said teasingly, "More talking about my mom?"

THEA: Thea raised a brow at that excuse as she shook her head a bit, before dropping the topic. She gave him a small smile as he told her it was okay. She extended her legs out to rest on Patrick's lap, realizing that she had been hungry even if her body hadn't told her yet. She smiled a bit at his offers as she tries to think what she does need next. She watched him move closer, and raised her brows as he was very close to her face. Laughing softly at mention of his mom, she moved forward to kiss him softly. "I think a massage might be nice," she says against his lips.

PATRICK: Feeling Thea's legs stretch out over his lap, Patrick smiled and placed his hands down on the smooth skin, his thumbs rubbing it, tenderly caressing her. He was waiting for her to answer, but he couldn't help but think about the few days that the two friends had gone without one another - or more, how Patrick had been so out of it when she'd disappeared, going absolutely crazy over not getting to be around her again, but here he was, closer to now than he'd been before. The kiss confirmed that for him. If it was all a dream, then he didn't want to wake up just yet. "Yeah?" Patrick kissed her back, his hand moving up and down her leg softly. "Where's best? Not to sound like a complete manwhore, but I think your bed sounds ideal."

THEA: She smiled over towards Patrick as she felt his hands smooth over her legs, Thea hated admitting that it felt nice though. All that was going on with Skylar, it felt bad to be anything but upset right now. But as he kissed her, she tried to forget that. Her lips pulling away from his as she let out a small sigh at his question. "Yeah, the bed is probably best," Thea agreed as she brought her legs back to her own stool before standing up and heading towards the stairs, up into the bedroom. She passed by the room Skylar had been staying in and it looked so empty now, she diverted her eyes as she went into the bedroom, sliding off her clothes so she lay naked face down on her bed.

PATRICK: Patrick moved off of his seat and followed Thea upstairs. His main goal, for him being there was to try and get Thea to relax - not necessarily to distract her from what had happened. He was there if she wanted to talk more about it, but he wasn't going to push for anything. Instead, he figured being light-hearted about things would make it easier for her to relax. It didn't mean that he didn't feel bad about what had happened; he felt terrible that both of the Hudson sisters had to go through all of this, he didn't think it was fair. Patrick watched as Thea took her clothes off and laid down. Normally, he would've been getting hard already, but now was not the time. "How's this?" Patrick asked, his hands quickly finding the kinks in her shoulders and trying to rub them out.

THEA: Thea felt tired of everything in this moment. She wished there was something that she could do to be better, but also knew that all she could be was authentically herself. And as Kurt had shared, it would be far more damaging to skirt around the issue than to be truthful to her sister. Taking off her glasses and putting them on the bedside table, she pressed her face into the mattress and closed her eyes, feeling Patrick's hands she felt the easing of tension as she nodded, "That's good," she said softly as she let out a small audible exhale.

PATRICK: Patrick's hands ran over her skin, rubbing and massaging it, and he smiled softly to himself, getting the confirmation that was doing an alright job. "You're so tense," he muttered, mostly to himself, his smile falling and his eyebrows furrowing in worry. It was obvious that she was tense, after everything that had happened, and he didn't blame her. He moved one hand further up her neck, gently rubbing it as his other hand moved further down her back. He bit down on his lip in concern, shaking his head to himself. It all seemed to always come back to Thea; all of the family drama. "You need to relax more. I don't know how, but this isn't healthy, Thee."

THEA: The words were easy to brush off, of course she was tense. It was difficult being here, wanting to protect her family, wanting what was best for them, not knowing what was best for them and having them push her away. It was a lot to process and she didn't really want to introduce Finn into it if she could help it. Yet, she was realizing that was best for her family was maybe her not being in it. It was a hard truth to digest, but she was simply holding them back in some way or another. Patrick's hands couldn't fix that. She didn't need to be told what to do, that was her job. Thea felt him work out knots that may have knots built on top of them. Instead, she pretended like she couldn't hear his comment. "That feels nice," she murmured against the covers as she hummed.

PATRICK: It was so obvious that Thea was ignoring him, and he knew why. He'd never really been able to give her any advice without her being stubborn about it. And that was fine, Patrick could only ever really offer his perspective of things, but it was still tough, since he wanted to help her out as much as he could. He decided to keep quiet though, biting the inside of his cheek as he heard her comment on his massage. He was happy that it at least felt nice. He hummed and nodded to himself, keeping his hands working on back. His eyes raked over her naked back, taking in how perfectly toned she was, the way her body curved and the small beauty marks here and there. Patrick leaned down and placed his lips softly on her shoulder, giving her a small kiss before moving back up again, continuing his work.

THEA: She enjoyed the work she felt he was doing on her back and tried to make herself relax more into his hands. Her eyes started to shut as she felt the way his hands work her body, her eyes opening a little as she felt his lips on her body, she let out a small laugh. Her eyes shutting once more as she drifted off, not realizing how exhausted she had really been. until he had loosened her muscles up a bit more.

PATRICK: It was getting easier to knead out the knots and all of tensions in Thea's shoulders and back as Patrick continued to work on it. He didn't want to be rough on the girl, knowing that it could leave her sore afterwards, which meant that it would take longer to help her out, but he didn't mind. And neither did Thea, it seemed. He soon felt her body relax under his touch and her breathing even out, and he knew that she was asleep. She clearly needed it. Patrick continued for a little while longer, before feeling like her back was soft and all loosened up, and with that, he took a step back, admiring her for a moment. She was so peaceful. He reached into his backpocket, pulling out a little sketchbook that he had bought, and a pencil hidden inside it, and he decided to crawl onto the other side of the bed, sitting with his back against the headboard. His eyes moved up her body. She was still on her stomach, a sheet tucked up to just above her backside. He smiled gently, as he started sketching her, spending a long time trying to get every detail right; the way her hair was sprawled out on one side, her eyelashes resting against her cheeks, the sheet forming around her body. He wanted to get it just right, and now was the perfect time to do so, while she was asleep. He spent a long time on it, not realizing that so much time had passed by.

THEA: Thea didn't dream, it was more of a hibernation that she went into, but she could not have remembered the last time she had a restful sleep since everything crumbled around her. Her nights were usually spent in restless slumber, waiting for someone to get hurt or for her to worry about her parents or existential questions filling her mind. It was about four hours when she woke up slowly, trying to figure out where she was and who was next to her for a moment as she lifted her head, a small groan leaving her lips as she grabbed for her glasses and saw Patrick still there. A hand reached out to poke his side, "You must have given me a really good massage," she said sleepily.

PATRICK: Patrick was so focused on his drawing, he didn't notice Thea stir and wake up until he felt the poke on his side. He was so close to finishing up, only needing to shade in a few things when he felt it, and he let out a small yelp, completely taken by surprise. His face had been scrunched up, but now, it had smoothed out and he let out a deep sigh, realizing that the girl had just woken up. He put the sketchbook down and looked at her, seeing how sleepy she still was. "Either that, or I just really bored you," Patrick joked, moving to push a strand of hair away from her face. "How did you sleep? You've been out for..." He looked at his watch, eyebrows raising in surprise. "Wow, four hours," Damn, he had not expected to spend so long on a drawing.

THEA: She noticed that he was drawing and laughed a bit at the noise that came from his lips, "Oh my goodness, did I really scare you that much?" Thea teased before giving a nod, "Probably was the latter," she teased back as she felt his fingers fix her hair. She moved onto her side towards him, the sheet only loosely wrapped around her waist and legs as she gave a small shrug, "I guess pretty well, since I didn't even realize how tired I had been." She laughed a bit, "What have you been doing while I napped then? Were you drawing the whole time?"

PATRICK: "I was in my own little world there, if you hadn't noticed," He grinned, feeling his heartbeat calm down. He gave her a little nudge when she teased him and smirked, instantly jumping on the banter. "Mhmm, it kept you quiet for a while." It was good to see that she hadn't woken up sad, but Patrick knew that it would be a long time coming before Thea was really over everything that had happened. For now though, Patrick took the small victories, happy to know that she'd gotten some rest. "Good, I'm glad. You definitely needed it," His hand moved down to her cheek, his thumb caressing it softly as he smiled at her. "Oh," He cleared his throat and grabbed his sketchbook again. "No, I didn't draw the whole time. I also taught myself how to speak Mandarin, and how to knit, and I baked a sourdough bread..." He trailed off, before smirking, not being able to keep the straight face. Then he gave her the book, for her to look at, as he laid down next to her, his head propped up on his arm. "I did a few of you. It was perfect because you were so still."

THEA: She let out a small laugh at his words, "Oh, I noticed," she said as she rolled her eyes, "Well then if you like me quiet, then maybe you should just not be here," she gave a mock warning with her brow. Thea didn't actually want to have him leave, he was actually somewhat helping, even if she still did feel awful about her sister. Her eyes met his as he held her cheek for a moment, remembering the words he had written her over text message. Her eyes moving away, glad for Patrick's distraction with the sketchbook. "Right, right of course," she said in a bored manner before taking the sketch pad from him to look at the drawings of her he had done. "They're really good," she admired them for a few moments before looking at him as he somewhat mirrored her position, she felt her nipples harden a little as she felt him a bit closer to her.

PATRICK: There was something going on with Thea, and while Patrick knew that she was definitely feeling sad, anxious and probably even frustrated about everything that had happened lately with her family, she wasn't exactly acting like herself with him. She still had the banter, still teased him, but she didn't keep the eye contact for as long as she normally would. Him caressing her cheek didn't seem all that nice to her. So Patrick pulled his hand away, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. "Oh, you want me to go? You should've thought about that before putting me under orders for 12 hours," Patrick scoffed, fake of course, as he smiled at her. His eyes moved over her facial features as he took in her looking at the sketches. He almost didn't hear what she said because he was too busy admiring the way her eyes looked in this light. "What? Oh, yeah, I guess they're alright," He shrugged his shoulders, his eyes moving further down her body, and seeing her nipples hardening. Patrick didn't want to give himself too much credit so he figured it would be because she was slightly cold. With everything that was going on, he didn't dare to reach out and touch her, but he was craving it; he was craving it badly. "How does your body feel? I might have worked your shoulders a little too hard, so if you're sore, please tell me. I can draw you a bath or something."

THEA: Thea scrunched her nose rather than giving a response about him pointing out she had put him here for 12 hours. She moved over to tickle his neck before going back to looking, she bit her lower lip a moment, noticing that only a moment ago he was staring at her. "They're better than alright," she corrects him, feeling his eyes gaze down her body which made her smirk, especially enjoying just how focused he was on her breasts. "My body? Oh it feels fine, wanna touch?" She handed back the sketchbook, "Oh yeah? The draw the bath," she says the pun before moving the sheet to put him under it as well. "I am a bit cold though," she says as her eyes look to his, not wanting to admit she wanted to cuddle.

PATRICK: Patrick was fine with taking a compliment, he could do it and especially when it came to his artwork - he knew what he was doing, and he knew when he got it right, but it still somehow made heat travel to his cheeks when Thea did it. He kept quiet though, nodding more to himself. He wanted to draw her more and more with each passing day; having seen her naked, she resembled that of a Greek goddess, and he felt inspired more than ever. Patrick's eyes instantly shot up to find hers, hearing her question. He cleared his throat, knowing that he'd just been exposed. "You know I always want to touch your body," He stated, not lying. "It's so hard, when I can't." Patrick smirked softly and took the sketchbook back, placing it behind him. When he turned back around again, he saw the sheet going over his body, and he smiled softly as he moved even closer to the girl. "Oh? I've heard that body heat's the best solution for that," His hand moved around to her back, pressing her closer to him, his eyes staying on hers. "It's a shame I'm still wearing clothes."

THEA: Seeing the way he started to get flustered, she felt her grin only spread more as he looked like a schoolboy being caught sneaking an extra cookie or something. Thea gave a nod, "Oh I know you do," she said laughing a bit in amusement. "It's so hard? Are you saying it as in your dick, or just that it's generally hard?" Thea teases him, smiling a bit more as he goes along with this theory. "Yeah, that's what they always say on Naked and Afraid," she feels his hands and feels her chest against his. "That is a very good point, I don't see why they aren't already off anyway," she looks at Patrick as her hand snakes at his shirt, slowly pushing it up his body.

PATRICK: "Both," Patrick hummed, giving her a toothy grin. There had been times where he'd just think about Thea and it would get him hard. It wasn't really fair, because he wasn't able to do the same, and there had been way too many times during an art class, where he'd have to hide the bulge in his pants behind the easel, only because he'd randomly thought about the girl and his thoughts had escalated from there. "Can you imagine being asleep and waking up to me just randomly in your bed, naked, drawing you?" Patrick started, his question more rhetorical than anything, feeling her start to push his shirt up. "You'd kick me out in a heartbeat." Grinning, Patrick sat up slightly so he could help her, as he brought it up and over his head, throwing it wherever. He went back to his position, instantly feeling her breasts against his chest. He let out a deep breath that he didn't know he'd been holding in, his gaze shifting between her lips and her eyes, as his fingers drew random patterns on her back aimlessly. "Hi," Was all he could think to say as he laid there, taking her all in, and properly feeling her skin melt under his fingertips.

THEA: She smirked at his comment, "That's what I thought," she said in a soft tone as she laughed a bit. At the thought of that, she had to think. What would she have done? Probably assumed they had sex and she had just been too drunk. "I guess it would depend if I knew you were already there or not. It really would depend on what type of mood I was in too," she adds even though she knew he wasn't really asking for an answer from her. "Most likely I would be the one naked and afraid rather than on the TV show," she let out a small laugh at the thought, untangling from him. Thea watched as he slid his shirt off, smiling as Patrick came back towards her, his bare skin pressed against hers as he looked at her, and she just looked at him, not understand what the hell she was feeling right now but brought her face closer to his, her lips inches from his, "Hi," she murmured back before reaching a hand to the back of his neck and kissing him slowly, passionately.

PATRICK: Sometimes, Patrick wondered if he'd done things differently back in New York, things might have actually happened between them. If he hadn't slept with everyone he knew, if he hadn't been such a manwhore, then maybe Thea might've actually given him a chance. They had been such good friends, something that Patrick didn't want to change no matter what would happen - she was way too important to lose. Maybe that was how she'd felt as well, even though Patrick clearly valued every friendship he had with the people that he'd slept with, not wanting sex to such a dealbreaker. "I don't resemble a bear that much," Patrick scoffed at her comment jokingly. He was happy when she kissed him, something that he'd missed. Goosebumps arrived at the feeling of her hand on his neck, and he kissed her back instantly, pouring just as much passion into it, as she did. His leg slid in between hers, hating how he was still wearing his jeans, but he didn't want to focus on that now; it was the feeling of her lips against his, her skin underneath his fingertips, her breasts pressed against his chest.

THEA: "You're a bit hairy," she teased in return. Her lips found his again, her eyes shutting as she wanted to forget all the fucked up shit going on right now. Kissing him was easy and simple, almost like they had been doing all the time they had known each other. Thea felt a fire in the pit of her stomach, but was still not able to identify what that meant, and she was not ready to figure that out now. She felt his legs move between hers as she slid her hand to the small of his back. Thea continued kissing him over and over until she had to pull away a bit to finally breathe.

PATRICK: "Would you rather have me shave everything off and look like a 12-year old boy?" He asked her, clearly not doing it, even if she did want it; there were some things that Patrick was just too stubborn about. Thea being on the island had helped him loosen up a bit. He was pretty sure that if he hadn't had her, he would still have been all tense and breaking even more rules than he had, and getting into a lot of trouble. She calmed him down, and yet still managed to get him all riled up. He could feel his skin prickle where he was touching her, it was a wonderful feeling. When she pulled back to breathe, Patrick immediately leaned back in to start kissing down the corner of her lips, her jaw and her neck, his tongue occasionally licking the spots. He hummed against her lips, leaning more into her. He didn't want to stop. His hand that had rested on her back moved down to her waist, softly squeezing her hips and then moved up in between them until he found he found her breasts. She'd asked if he wanted to touch her body, and he did. He really did.

THEA: A soft hum left her lips as he his lips wandered her face and neck for a few moments, her nails gently running over his back as he returned back to her lips. Thea kissed him in return, her tongue sliding into the kiss, thinking to herself how she could enjoy just this for at least a few hours as she felt the pressure of his body against hers. His hands wandering up her frame, she felt them slide onto her boobs, letting a small noise of approval as she pulled away when in need of air once more.

PATRICK: Patrick hadn't seen this coming; he'd had no intentions of being on the bed, making out with the girl, while she was going through what she did. He'd thought about it, definitely, but he didn't want her to feel like he was abusing this time with her because she was more vulnerable than before. He'd come over with the intention of making her feel relaxed, but if she was feeling relaxed doing this, then Patrick couldn't really complain. He just didn't want her to think that he was taking advantage of her, when she was so down and in need of someone to be there with her. He couldn't help but enjoy it though. He squeezed her boob softly, taking in a sharp breath of air through his nose at the feeling, and let his fingers run over her nipple, feeling it harden under his touch again. When she pulled away from the kiss, Patrick was breathing heavily, and he leaned his forehead against hers, as he tried to catch it. His hand moved from her breast to her neck, to her cheek to cup it and he pecked her lips again softly. "What do you need me to do?" He asked her in a whisper, his eyes finally opening to watch her.

THEA: Even with how overwhelmed Thea was the moment of reprieve of guilt she was feeling. Yet she couldn't avoid it forever and she knew that, but her mind tried to figure out just as many ways to leave it, and certainly the distraction of Patrick's fingers over her nipple were most definitely working. She was thankful that they both needed to breathe as it was getting heated, but she also knew she shouldn't be having sex tonight. Even if by the second she could feel herself getting wetter. She was glad that his hand moved, pressing her chest back into his now and still rubbing at his lower back gently, she kisses him softly in return before opening her eyes as this was the closest she had been to her friend before. The question was a hard one to answer, because she had no idea. "I don't want to have sex tonight, it just feels....like that's not okay," Thea wanted to make that clear first. "I need you to just do what comes naturally, okay? Right now I'm Thea," she said to him, wanting to understand the distinction. "And I need my friend Patrick," she said as she wonders what he'll do next.

PATRICK: "My friend". Patrick loved hearing that. If he could remember exactly who it had been that had introduced her to him, he would've sent them a thank-you card, an edible arrangement, hell, even a sing-a-gram! She had been such a big part of his life throughout the past five years, and being on the island and having her help him through it had been so important to him. He nodded at her request, respecting it. He was kind of glad that he was wearing jeans and they were under the covers so it wasn't as obvious that he was growing hard. "I'm here," He whispered to her, pecking her lips softly again. "I'm always going to be here," Patrick was sentimental; he wore his heart on his sleeve when he got to know people, and he was fine with talking about his feelings. He knew that not everyone felt comfortable about that, and wouldn't be okay with hearing some of the things that he would say, but Thea had given him the green light to keep doing it and that was all that mattered.

Patrick moved his lips down her neck again, down to her collarbone, but instead of going down south, he went to the side. His hand found her shoulder, his palm resting flat against it as he pecked her skin a few times. His fingers ghosted over the skin of her forearms, his head moving to follow slowly as he continued the trail of kisses. "Do you know" He started, his lips tingling. "How" Another kiss followed, finding the crook of her elbow. His hand moved further down her arm, ahead of his lips. "Important" His fingers tapped lightly on her wrist, wanting her to open her hand, and he could feel her pulse underneath his lips. He kissed it softly. "You are" Finally, he felt his hand against her hand, his fingers moving up to play with hers. He kissed her palm softly before lacing his fingers with hers. "To me?" Patrick dragged his lips up to the top of her hand and kissed it and then looked up at Thea, not sure if he should wait for her response or not.

THEA: Thea could not appreciate enough how supportive Patrick was even before coming to the island. Even when he had made his like of her clear, she never ever felt uncomfortable with continuing their friendship. Nor did he ever try to do anything that would be crossing the line. He was respectable and she even felt confident telling his mother that the first time she had met the woman. When she heard him say that he was always going to be there, she smiled as she kissed him in return. In any point in time, she would have cringed a bit or pulled away a bit at the comment, but right now she needed to hear it.

The feeling of Patrick's lip traveling down her body felt nice as she shut her eyes a moment, realizing that his lips were going in a new direction. Thea opened her eyes again as she watched him, her arm outstretched as she listened to him as his lips traveled. Feeling his fingers, she opened her hand as he slid his hand into it as kissed and intertwined their fingers. She let out a small laugh as he finished his question and also the journey to the end of her hand. "No, how important?" She teases a bit before adding, "You're important to me too, Patrick."

PATRICK: He smiled softly at her, feeling grateful that she hadn't pulled away from him. This was a new territory that they hadn't discovered yet, and Patrick hated doing something that Thea was uncomfortable with. He trusted that she would tell him no, in whatever way she needed to, if she didn't like it though. And this was a good sign that he wasn't crossing the line. He leaned back down again, kissing each finger gingerly. "You are so important to me," He started, before moving back up again so he was face to face with the girl. "I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't been on this island," He told her, his smile falling and his expression turning softer. "You're so important to me that I wrecked my entire apartment when you suddenly disappeared out of nowhere," He moved to hover slightly above her, looking straight into the girl's eyes. "You're so important to me," Patrick sucked in a deep breath, frowning slightly. "I care about you so much."

THEA: Her muscles were doing this weird thing of not wanting to pull away but also hesitating in accepting the actions. Thea never had accepted love, she gave it out, but never enjoyed receiving it. There were very few people she even felt comfortable showing intimacy with and most of them were her family. Patrick kissing at each one of her fingers was one of those moments, but it was over quickly but his words still remained important. She even moved her own hand over his heart, feeling it against her palm as he spoke, her eyes on his as he explained how important she was to him. Her brows furrowed wondering if he was going to say something else as he said he cared about her. "I care about you so much too," she said gently and genuinely.

PATRICK: She looked so small as she laid there underneath him, but that didn't take away the power that she over him; and many other people, Patrick presumed. She was not one to do romance, and he knew that, he was fine with it. She wanted to do her own thing, be with whoever she liked, do whatever she wanted with them, and he understood. He wasn't one to get jealous, or angry, or bitter because of that; because he was the same. And Patrick didn't want to push the romance onto her. But right in that moment, Patrick felt intimacy like he'd never done before, and that was big coming from him. And he was scared that she might pull away. He was really hoping she wouldn't. He smiled softly down at her, his hand coming up to brush her hair away from her face. "You don't have to say anything," He whispered, knowing that she wasn't really one to talk about her feelings like that. "Not if you don't want to."

THEA: Looking up at him, she was starting to get uncomfortable with not being on top. Even in tender moments like this, why was it that she thought about control? Thea looked in his eyes as she just kept her palm pressed against his chest as she felt his fingers move to her hair again. She shook her head a bit as he spoke, "I mean it, I do care so much about you, Patrick. You kept me sane in times I wanted to tear down the world. You have been patient when people would have given up years ago. You're a good person and you deserve to know that I care about you." She said, gently pushing so that she could be hovering over him now.

PATRICK: Patrick listened intently as the girl under him started speaking, telling him how she felt. This was all new, he hadn't experienced Thea like this before, but he didn't hate it. He actually really liked it. She was sweet to him, in her own little way, sure, but she'd never really opened up to him before, the way that she'd done during his stay on the island. He was about to say something when he felt her push him down, and he laid down flat on his back, quickly shoving the sketchbook onto the floor so he wouldn't lay on it. His hands came up to rest on her naked thighs, and he smiled softly. "You putting up with me for so long has shown me that you care," He told her. His eyes went down to look at his hands caressing the soft skin on her thighs for a moment, before traveling up again to meet hers. "But I don't hate hearing it."

THEA: She felt herself tingle as he rubbed at her thigh, trying to not be wet at the thoughts that came to her mind when he did it. She laughed a bit at his comment, "I mean I think we mutually put up with each other. Considering I am not always the kindest human in the world and I certainly gave you plenty of reasons to run for the fucking hills," Thea teased. Feeling Patrick's hand again, she smiled a bit before teasingly saying, "Well good, because it's not very often that I'll ever be this way, I think you must have sedated me with that grilled cheese." Leaning back down she kisses his lips softly.

PATRICK: They weren't really supposed to be friends, if it came to their personalities. He was way too soft, he liked being sentimental, he didn't feel embarrassed if he showed that he was vulnerable. She was the opposite. She was more straight-forward about her feelings, able to shut things down better. But, they were both stubborn, and they knew how to keep the banter alive; and then there was the physical attraction that Patrick had had towards the girl since the moment he'd laid his eyes on her. "Oh, absolutely, you can be mental at times. Remember the time that one girl threw her drink at you?" He could be the same way, especially when drunk, a lot of things would piss him off. Patrick grinned at her words before feeling her lips upon his again, and he responded immediately. "Don't worry, I'm soaking it all in now, in case it doesn't happen ever again." He muttered into the kiss, and wrapped his arms around her. He would like for it to happen again, but he wasn't expecting anything.

THEA: Thea smiled when he called her mental, because it was true, but at the mention of the girl, Thea's smile went away for a moment. "You mean the cunt who kept trying to insert herself into our conversation and I kept telling her to go away? The one who ruined my fucking dress and I almost killed on spot? That one?" She felt the anger building up a bit, but she managed to push it back down as she kissed him, smiling at his words. "Or until the next time you sedate me with grilled cheese," she jokes before kissing him once more before letting out a sigh. "Alright, now how are you going to help me?" Thea raises a brow playfully as she looks in his eyes.

PATRICK: Humming, Patrick smirked softly. "It was kinda hot, seeing you get so angry," He mused, but his expression quickly turned serious. "But if that happens again, you make sure that you don't get hurt, please?" He was gonna go completely apeshit if anyone ever laid a violent hand on her. Raising his eyebrows, Patrick thought about the possibility of doing this again; she wasn't ruling it out, and it was nice. He wasn't going to take advantage of that though, he knew that Thea still wanted to remain powerful. "I'm currently making a mental note of that," He said, mimicking him writing it down. "Hmm...we can watch a movie? Or I can start up that bath for you? Or we can blast some music really loud and have a mini concert right here, right now?"

THEA: "I mean I'm sure it was, although I'm just hot in any mood," she grins before raising a brow as he quickly went to wanting to defend her again. Thea patted his cheek as she shook her head, "I can defend myself pretty well, don't you worry Patrick." She kisses him in reassurance before winking as he pretends to write it down in the air. Thea thought for a moment, trying to figure out if any of those sounded remotely appealing to her. "Or we could just talk? I've got some wine, we could sit outside until the sun comes up," she said alluding to one of the things Patrick had said about her.

PATRICK: Patrick didn't have a choice, he had to agree with what Thea said. She was hot in any mood, and it was frustrating, because it meant that the guy had difficulty staying away from her. It had made the five years of knowing her a lot harder - in every meaning of that word. "I know you can," He said, his hand moving up her back, to her shoulder and down her arm slowly. "But still...I don't like the idea of anyone doing anything to you," He watched his hand caress her upper arm softly, almost hypnotized at how silky smooth she was. It almost felt like she wasn't real. Patrick raised his eyebrows, instantly remembering the whole thing that he had written about her. Was she trying to tell him something? "Sure," He nodded, after a moment. He wasn't thinking about whether or not it was a good choice; he was analyzing every single thing that she could possibly mean, in his head. "Wine and sunrises are always a good idea," Patrick placed his hands on her back again as he sat up, making sure that she didn't fall over as he moved his body. He reached out for his t-shirt again, ready to put it back on.

THEA: She gave a small shake of her head, placing a hand on each side of his cheeks before saying, "No one is going to do anything to me, and if they try, I'm not fucking scared." She said feeling the way he touched her, trying to be protective of her. Thea looked at his reaction, wondering what he might be thinking. "Good, good, I think I must have heard it in a book somewhere," she said in jest as he sat up. Rolling over a bit, she sat herself up as well. Seeing that he was reaching for his shirt, she reach an arm out to take it, "Oh thanks, I was wondering what I was gonna wear," she said before sliding it over her head and onto her body before sliding out from the covers. Stretching for a moment before standing up, she looks at him with a grin, knowing he probably had waited for five years to see her in his top and nothing else.

PATRICK: There wasn't much that Patrick could do, to make Thea see that he didn't want anything to happen to her. He knew that she was capable of taking care of herself, she'd done it plenty of times before, but it didn't mean that Patrick didn't hate the idea of it. Her hands on his cheeks were somewhat reassuring; at least he liked to think so. He enjoyed it when she put her hands on him in this caring, attentive way; it made his heart skip a little. Hearing her off-handed joke, Patrick couldn't help but smirk softly. "Mhmm, a book, sure." He was about to put his t-shirt on when he felt it being grabbed out of his hands and instead, he watched as Thea put it on, his jaw having slightly dropped at the sight. His gaze followed her, and he couldn't help but notice that it was a little big on her, but still managed to highlight every feature on her body. "I- yeah...you're welcome..." He mumbled, not being able to take his eyes off of her.

THEA: Thea gave him one more soft peck to try to reinstate that she would be okay. She gave him another small wink as he played along with the remark. The Domme could see Patrick's reaction and she couldn't help but enjoy how excited he was by her wearing an article of his clothing. The way he couldn't even form a sentence made her let out an amused laugh as she opened the door to the bedroom, "Careful, you've got a little drool," she smirks before moving towards the stairs and heading down as she moved to grab two wine glasses. She spoke up, loud enough so he could hear, "It's a cheap wine type of night," she said before grabbing a bottle of wine that could have been picked up the gas station. She poured them each a glass.

PATRICK: She had no right to look that good in his t-shirt. It wasn't fair. It stopped right at her thighs, and it made Patrick crave more. It was that feeling of it being so exciting because he wasn't getting what he wanted, and she had all of the control. Hearing what she said, Patrick immediately woke up again, and felt his lip to see if he'd actually been drooling. She wasn't completely wrong. When he looked back up again, she was gone. Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair. She was going to be the death of him, not thinking that for the first time, and he crawled out of bed to stand up, only to notice the bulge in his pants. He heard her voice and the clinks of the glasses hitting every now and again. Patrick swallowed hard and decided to just make his way downstairs - he normally wouldn't have cared that he was hard, but this time was different; she'd asked for no sex, and there he was, getting aroused by something as simple as her wearing his t-shirt. "That's one of the best type of nights," He said, walking up to the girl, half-limping and his hand moving to cover his crotch.

THEA: She filled up each glass to the brim and got some Ritz crackers, salami, cheese, and grapes out. It had always been funny in college, because they were on a college student's budget, yet the group of friends they had always wanted to be bougie. So when they had their "sophisticated art parties" this was what they would serve. Thea missed those days a bit but was glad she had someone who shared the experience there with her. Hearing him come down the stairs, she turned her head to look at him, with a smile, "Hell yeah." Her eyes went over Patrick, furrowing her brows a bit as he walked up to her, "You good there? You didn't like step on something or pull a muscle?" Her eyes traveling down to where his hand was on his groin and realized what the limp was for. "Oh, I see, something bothering you?" She teases a bit as she grabs her glass and the plate of snacks moving towards the door to her backyard. "Bring your glass and the bottle, boner boy."

PATRICK: Patrick could feel it press against his thigh, wanting to be released from the denim prison that it was in. Clearing his throat, he felt a slight blush creep up on his chest. "It's not- it doesn't bother me," He lied, shrugging his shoulders. Why was he getting these boners just because he looked at Thea's body? He wasn't normally like this, he was capable of controlling himself around other people. He grabbed his glass and the bottle of wine like instructed and followed right after Thea to go outside. He'd only briefly seen her backyard when she'd taken him around on the tour, and it was pretty. "I just can't- it's- it's obvious that I think you're really hot," He said motioning towards his boner. "You can keep that t-shirt if you want."

THEA: Thea could see him getting flustered as she gave a half nod as she knew it was clearly bothering him. "Alright Pattie Melt, no need to feel ashamed." She gives him another small wink before heading out back. She moved towards the daybed that was under the gazebo and placed the bottle of win on the glass table, turning to realize he was explaining himself to her. "Really? I really would have never known," she laughed a bit as she slid onto the bed, taking a sip of wine as she placed down the plate of food. "Oh, I was planning on it whether you gave me permission or not." She gives a small shrug before looking towards his boner again.

PATRICK: It was horrible timing, but what was he supposed to be doing? Just five minutes before, she'd been kissing and straddling him, all naked, and now she was wearing his t-shirt - he really couldn't win with this girl. Not that he wanted to, he'd happily surrender and give in to anything she wanted, but still, now was not the right time to be aroused. Patrick sat down at the bottom of Thea's daybed and took a sip of his wine, shaking his head at her and bringing her legs up to rest on his lap. "You know exactly what you're doing to me, and it's not fair," He told her accusingly, but in a teasing way; he loved it and it was plain to see. The air hit his naked chest as he looked out over her backyard, but it wasn't cold, it was more refreshing after having been underneath the naked girl. He couldn't help but think about how so much had changed during his short stay on the island. How the two friends had moved from Patrick basically flirting with her non-stop, to actually having sex with her and being intimate with the girl. She was a mystery to him.

THEA: She grinned as he guided her legs onto his lap as she grabbed a grape and popped it into her mouth before taking a sip of wine and raised a brow mischievously at him in response to his pointed remark. "I can't help how you feel," Thea said back as she leaned her shoulder against the cushion as she faces him. She grabbed another grape, her eyes locking with his as she brought it up to her lips, the coolness of it pressing against her lips before she ate it before asking, "Hey, tell me something I don't know about you."

PATRICK: Patrick got lost in Thea's eyes for what was probably the millionth time. It was easy for him to do. They were so kind and gentle, and yet hid away so much history and pain, and it made Patrick's stomach twist, knowing that he didn't even know the half of it. He liked sharing things about himself; mostly because they weren't all depressing things, and he liked getting people to laugh at his stories and him, so he'd told her mostly everything about himself. Raising his eyebrows, he thought for a moment, moving his head to look into his wine. It swirled around in the glass. "You want me to tell you something you don't know..." Patrick hummed, thinking for a bit.

"Remember how you asked if I'd lost anyone, earlier today, and I said that I'd lost a best friend a few years ago?" Patrick said, keeping his eyes on the wine. "His name was Ben, and we'd been friends since we were both, what? 6-7 years old, I think? We used to do everything together. We'd camp out and read comic books under our sleeping bags with those giant flashlights that a child can barely even carry," He gestured the size of them, overestimating how big they actually were, and chuckled. "He was the first person I told, when I lost my virginity. We even cut our hands and swore to be blood brothers to each other, which in hindsight, a 12 year old should not have done," Patrick said, shaking his head and running a hand through his hair. "Everything was fine, we both got into NYU, we moved in together in Sophomore year, he was making a lot of money with his art, but then, I don't know," Patrick paused, swallowing hard at the memory. His eyes were still locked on the beverage in his hand. "He killed himself in Junior year. I later found out that he was depressed, and didn't think he was going anywhere with his life." Sucking in a deep breath, Patrick raised his head and looked at Thea again. "I miss him."

THEA: When she had asked Patrick to tell her something, she didn't expect it to be extremely deep, maybe a story about breaking a bone, or a time he got a pet. But when he asked if she remembered him mentioning losing his friend, she gave a small nod. Pressing her lips together, she listened, smiling softly at his description of the memories they shared. She could even remember some memories of her own through his, but felt her heart warm as he described their friendship, it sounded special and meaningful to him. But it was clear that the person he was talking about passed away. When she heard the name Ben, she tried to remember if she knew him at all. And that's when she remembered her friend running into her dorm room Sophomore year and telling her about Patrick's roommate, and Thea bit at her lower lip as he started to explain what happened. Her brows furrowed a sadness in her eyes as she found him looking back up towards her. She gives a small nod, "Yeah, that's...that's never going to go away, but he sounds amazing, and I am sorry that he felt that way." Wishing she had something better to say.

PATRICK: The story about Patrick's friendship with Ben wasn't one that he normally talked about, if even at all. He was pretty sure that the only other person who knew about how sorrowful and heartbroken Patrick still felt, was his mom. Other than that, he didn't really tell anyone about it. Nodding, Patrick offered Thea a small smile, thankful for the sympathy. It was a heavy subject and he hadn't really expected her to say anything. "Yeah, it's...it's okay," He said, his voice slightly cracking and he quickly turned his head to wipe away the one tear that had been threatening to spill out of his eye. He managed to swallow the hurt and he took a sip of his wine. "On a lighter note though, I once had sex with a girl who let me fuck her in the ass, and she thought that I was going to marry her afterwards."

THEA: She gave him a nod, moving a bit close to him, she sees him wiping away a tear and kisses his cheek gently, a hand moving to rub at his hair, taking another sip of her own wine. Mid-sip, when he told the other fact, she choked a bit, spitting some wine as she pinched the bridge of her nose as she was pretty sure she just got wine up her nose from swallowing the wrong way, but she couldn't help but laugh through the burning. Thea shook her head, she couldn't believe Patrick's history. After she was done with her laughter she said, "She must have been under the impression that, 'Sodomy is between God and me,' hence marriage." Thea said as she adjusted her glasses as she felt the stinging sensation start to reside.

PATRICK: Patrick instantly grinned, his hand moving to rub her back so she wouldn't die from choking the wine. He made her laugh and that was the most important thing. Patrick shrugged his shoulders, his arm moving to loop around her knees. "Maybe? I mean, we did do it in her car, outside the church that she attended, so who knows? Maybe she felt guilty, and needed to apologize to God?" He didn't have a clue, but he'd freaked out instantly, at the idea of marriage and knew that he had to get out of that relationship, almost as fast as he'd gotten into her car at the promise of anal. "I rarely have awkward situations with people, but that one...she threw her drink in my face when I broke up with her." Patrick chuckled at the memory, knowing that it had been an easy way out. "Now it's your turn. What, out of the million things that I don't know about you, do you think I should know now?"

THEA: She smiled a bit as he rubbed her back, smiling as he moved his arm around her knees. Raising her brows, she laughed again. "I was going to say Jesus, but that would only be too apropos." She joked a bit as she couldn't believe how bad he was when it came to being mean, "Damn, you douchebag," Thea laughs a bit before taking another sip as she tries to think of something to share with him. When she figured something to share, "Alright, from elementary school up until my freshman year of high school, I was in chess club, and I even made it up to like the youth finalists of New Mexico, some twat named Teddy beat me and he looked at me and started crying and apologizing for winning because he said I was too pretty to lose."

PATRICK: "Don't bring his son into it, it's bad enough that the big guy's involved," Patrick chuckled. He liked that they'd moved on from the heavy topic and to this instead. It wasn't that he'd been uncomfortable or didn't trust Thea enough to keep going on about it - he did. That was why he'd told her in the first place. But he figured that if she wanted to know more, she'd ask him about it, and if not, then that was it. "Mhmm, I'm such a bad boy," He joked, taking a sip of his wine and then listening intently to her story. "No way!" He exclaimed and turned his body slightly, making sure that her legs were still draped over him, but facing her more. "Teddy wasn't lying though. So what happened? Did you just go home after that, or did his outburst do something to make you move forward in the championship?"

THEA: Thea smiled even more at his remark back, "Touche," she grins, rolling her eyes as he called himself a bad boy. "More like a bad bitch," she says in return, using the term she knew he enjoyed. She laughed a little at Patrick's investment in her story as he turned towards her a bit more. She gave a nod, "Oh I told him that I knew that. Umm yeah, I'm pretty sure my mom just took us out for ice cream. Wait!" Thea just remembered the other part, "We saw him there at the ice cream shop, and I was like thirteen at the time? And he came up to me and tried to ask if I wanted to go on a date and I said no, and he asked me why not, and I told him something like 'Well, you cry like a baby and you beat me at chess.' So yeah, who knows if he won or not." She gives a shrug before finishing off her glass of wine.

PATRICK: Patrick almost growled at the name that she gave him, it reminded him of her being in charge and Dominating him, but he restrained himself. He knew that he wasn't the only one who'd been given that name, having been told about the booty shorts that she'd made, but he didn't really care. As far as he knew, he was the only one she called 'Adonis', so he figured he was already winning. "Aw man...I was rooting for this guy," Patrick joked and let his hand run up and down Thea's thigh softly. "Both in terms of dating you, and winning the chess game." He leaned over and found the bottle of wine and poured some more into Thea's glass. "Can you teach me, at some point?"

THEA: "Oh yeah? Well he never had a chance anyway, I would have broken him," Thea smirked, feeling his hand run up and down her leg,she tried not to feel herself getting wet at the motion. "I don't really do dating." Even in high school she never had a boyfriend or a crush even. Fascinations happened, sure. But, it wouldn't last long, most of the times it was someone going after her. Holding out her glass she smiled a bit, "Thanks," she said before taking a small sip and smiled a bit more. "Teach you what? How to date me or how to play chess?" Thea didn't mind the fact that the shirt was starting to ride up her sides as Patrick rubbed her thigh.

PATRICK: Scoffing, Patrick nodded. "Without a doubt. At least I haven't cried about your beauty, yet," He grinned, knowing that he went on about it a lot, but he couldn't help it; she was very clearly his muse, telling her or showing her how beautiful he found her made him do it. He had trouble putting words to it, so instead, he'd compare it to things that he knew of, images that were stuck in his brain for inspiration. "Yeah, I'm gonna ask you to teach me about dating when you don't want to do it," He scoffed again and grinned. "No, I meant the chess thing. I've always wanted to learn, but I've never had the patience to actually sit down and look into it. You know how I get, I need to be up and about, doing something with my life." Patrick said and filled his glass with a bit more wine before placing the bottle back on the ground, and his hands returned to the soft skin on her legs.

THEA: She smiled, letting out a content laugh as he agreed with her. "You seriously haven't cried over me?" Thea was somewhat surprise with just how in touch with his emotions he was, she figured that maybe he would have at some point, not that it didn't bother her that he hadn't either. She let out a small chuckle at his witty remark before giving a nod, "Yeah, I could try to teach you, although I have a feeling you're going to be just sitting and watching me and not listening at all." She smirks over at Patrick knowing all too well that the only time she saw him quiet and pensive was when he was drawing or painting. Feeling his hand again, she took another swig before saying, "What else? Tell me something else."

PATRICK: Patrick furrowed his eyebrows, smirking a little bit. That was an intriguing question to ask, he thought. "No? Am I supposed to? Did I not read the contract thoroughly enough when I signed up for being your friend?" He asked rhetorically, teasing her. Patrick was a really sensitive guy, but he rarely cried. If he was hurt, he would get angry and violent if something went wrong for him; crying wasn't his thing, until he'd dealt with it in a more aggressive way. He hummed, smiling to himself. Yeah, she knew him, because getting to just sit and look at Thea all day would basically be a dream come true. "I won't lie to you, that's exactly what I would do." He grinned, slightly starting to feel the effect of the alcohol in his body. "Something else?" He thought, letting out a puff of air. "I was once bitten in the thigh by a zebra at the zoo."

THEA: Letting out a small laugh, she shook her head, "No, no just a but surprised, that's all," she teased a bit. She laughed a bit more as she took another drink as she felt the warmth of the alcohol filling her stomach as she gave a nod, "Oh, I know, it would definitely be easy to win against you though." Thea smirked as she drank another swallow of wine. Raising her brows, she choked a bit, she really needed to stop drinking right as he was about to tell a story. Coughing a bit, she made sure it went down the right windpipe before saying "What?! Okay, I have so many questions! First of all, ow! Or did it hurt? How old were you? How did you get that close to a zebra for that to happen? Do you have a scar?"

PATRICK: "How come?" Grinning, Patrick was really intrigued to know why she was so surprised. He could be the sappiest guy, and he knew that, but he also figured that he was doing an alright job at keeping his feelings at bay. Raising his glass, Patrick pointed to highlight the girl's point and then said, "and you like to win. So really, we're both getting what we want." He smirked, hoping she might give in so he could spend several hours just taking her in. He laughed at the amount of questions that she had for him and his Zebra accident. "I was about 5, I think. I don't know, but it was at one of those Safari drive thrus where you can feed them. Anyway, I had my window down and some food in my lap, and the zebra snuck his head in and grabbed the food, and that was when I felt its teeth go into my leg too. In hindsight, it probably wasn't that bad, but you know, when you're 5, then every pain is horrible," Patrick explained nonchalantly. "Yeah, I do, want to see it?" But before she could answer, he'd moved her legs to the side so he could stand up and unbutton his jeans. He pulled them down and searched for the small red dents in his skin, so he could show her. "There. That's from its tooth."

THEA: She shrugged at his question, "I guess I just thought since you've been keen on me for five years at some point I would have made you cry for some reason or another." Thea spoke honestly as she chuckled at his comment. "You're ridiculous, are you seriously never going to get tired of my face?" Thea nodded as he spoke, intrigued by this story. "Oh man, that's crazy," she shook her head a bit. She rolled her eyes a bit, "How the fuck did I guess that you were going to take your pants off to show me?" Getting onto her knees at the edge of the daybed right where he stood, checking to see if he still had a boner before but it was unsure in the lighting. She moved, squinting a bit until she saw it, "Oh, huh, well I guess it was probably bigger when you were younger," she said as she ran her finger over it, feeling the tiny indent in his skin.

PATRICK: Patrick let out a hearty laugh at Thea's reason, nodding along. "I can see why you'd think that," he laughed. He'd been wanting to be with her for so long and working so hard on it, without anything happening, but it didn't mean that it had been difficult. "I guess the different company I had over the years made it easy for me to not shed a tear over you," Patrick smirked, referring to all of the people that he'd had sex with over the years. "I think if I got a head injury, and I lost my sanity...nah, even then, I wouldn't get tired of your faace." Patrick responded confidently, knowing himself. It felt like a new feeling every time he looked at Thea. His boner had relaxed and but it didn't mean that he didn't feel a slow burn in his abdomen every now and again; especially when his t-shirt had moved up slightly, after he'd rubbed her thighs. A shiver ran down his spine when he felt her fingers on him - he figured she'd touch him, yet it still took him by surprise. "Everything's bigger when you're younger." He muttered, and pulled his jeans back up, but not bothering with buttoning them back up again. His crotch wash half out as he sat back down again, taking the last sip of his wine. "You tell me something...sexual?"

THEA: At least he felt like what she said was valid, considering she didn't want to seem like she was too confident in her abilities. She rolled her eyes at his comment about other people. Again going back to the first impression she had of the male. "Well I'm glad you kept yourself occupied," she said waving it off a bit as she felt more at ease when he complimented her again. Thea felt a warmth in her stomach, figuring it was just the wine as she took another sip. "Is it still your favorite thing to draw?" She teases him, as it was a reference to a comment made when they had first met. A mutual friend of theirs said that she was his favorite thing to draw now. And it had just stuck as a statement they would say. She looked back towards him, "Definitely," she agreed before scooting back to let him rest where he had just been. Thea saw that he had finished his glass and decided to down the rest of hers. "Something sexual," she smirked a bit, "Hmmm," she said before reaching over him bending to get the wine from the ground as the shirt slides up her body, exposing her ass a moment before she gets the bottle and pours the remaining contents into their glasses as she the shirt slides back down her body. "The first time I masturbated to the thought of fucking you was a few months after I met you. You got into a fight with a guy at the bar on 4th, and afterwards you looked at me in this way like you were trying to impress me, and that night when I was in the shower I fucked myself thinking about calling you my bitch and making you beg to cum for me."

PATRICK: "I don't think my hand would've been enough," Patrick chuckled, referring to all of the dreams and thoughts that he'd had about Thea, and how it had still resulted in hours and hours of masturbation. Five years would have been a long time to have gone without having sex, especially to try and make Thea fuck him. But, maybe if he hadn't slept with so many different people, she would've given him a chance - she always mad him aware of what a manwhore he was, and he owned up to. "Your face? Hmm, let me think," He paused for a moment, pretending to think about the whole situation. "It's definitely up there," Patrick teased, a grin on his face. It was quite clear that her face definitely was his favorite thing to draw. He kept his eyes on her, his hand still on her leg as he watched her, and he couldn't help but feel himself gasp softly at the sight of her bare ass. He wanted to reach out and make her straddle him, so he could grab her ass - maybe even turn her around and bite into it? No, no, she was talking and he had to listen, especially to this answer, he thought to himself and snapped out of it, retaining some sort of self-control. "I-" He wasn't sure where to begin with the information she'd just given him. "A few months after meeting me?" Was she telling him that he'd gone five years with her sitting on that information, and not doing anything about it, despite him trying and trying. "Oh, wait, was it the fight where that guy was hitting on you, and he wouldn't stop touching you, and when I came to tell you that we were leaving, he pushed me away? The one where I ended up with the black eye and the busted lip? I thought I saw you giving me a funny look..."

THEA: Thea snorted a bit as he alludes to jerking off for her as she shook her head a bet as he tries to explain herself. A smirk plays on her face as he teases about whether or not her face was his favorite thing to draw. Her eyes meet his after she heard him gasp a little when she had bent over. Once again getting to enjoy the effect she had on Patrick as she spilled something she had kept to herself all this time, she gives a nod as he confirms that it had been a few months. She nodded once more at his question, "Yeah, it was that fight. Did you then?" She let out a small chuckle as she took a sip of her wine. "Well now I suppose you know," she gives a little shrug before saying, "Now you share something sexual!"

PATRICK: Patrick didn't know how to fight. He almost always wanted to fight, after too much alcohol, but it also always almost resulted in him getting hurt in some stupid way, because he wasn't capable of actually hitting back. With this guy though, he'd actually managed to punch him right in the jaw before he got tackled down, but it had warranted him feeling quite impressed and proud of himself. And maybe, just maybe, it had been because he'd seen how the guy had been all over Thea, and a slight sting of jealousy had hit him. "I like knowing that you've fucked yourself to the thought of me," He said, smirking as he leaned in to peck her lips softly. "I want to know more about it," He tongue moved out to lick her lip before he pulled away again to answer her question. "I once, accidentally, moaned your name while I was with one of your friends. Olivia." He revealed and smiled, not really all that embarrassed by it.

THEA: That night had been odd, the guy who had come with them out for the night was supposedly meeting friends there. He had been begging the entire night for them to have sex and although he was attractive and she was having a fun time, he started getting sloppier and when Patrick had come over and pushed him away, insisting she was staying, even though she could have stopped it and told the other guy that she would not be staying, her friend had took it upon himself to fuck shit up. And she liked the trouble secretly as it unfolded. She smirked as she kissed him in return, "You want to hear how I fingered myself but that wasn't enough so I used the showerhead?" Thea felt his tongue, and was about to invite his tongue into her mouth as he pulled away. A wide grin slowly grew on her face at that, "Holy shit, she never told me that?! What happened?"

PATRICK: There was that familiar burning sensation in his abdomen again, beginning to reach his dick, as he listened to her words. He wanted more information, he wanted more details, and actually, he just wanted to see it and experience it. "Yes please," He begged quietly, not aware that his throat had gone all dry at the thought of her in the shower, and his voice being raspy. "I would also like to see a showerhead being used on you, please," Patrick admitted, feeling his dick started to harden and grow again. It could do just that, with only the restraints of his boxers this time, knowing that his unbuttoned jeans gave his member more freedom. "She didn't? That's surprising. Basically, we didn't make it up to my apartment, and we did it on the staircase, but she was wearing knee-high boots like you sometimes did, and I don't know, something in my brain triggered it," Patrick told her, shrugging his shoulders as he smiled at the memory. "We laughed about it and she said something like, 'I can't wait to tell Thea about this'. But I guess, me going down on her after that made her forget about it?" He didn't mean to sound cocky, but Patrick also knew he had a talented mouth, based on his experiences, and he was a little proud of it.

THEA: She could hear the change in his voice as she grinned and whispered, "How the water ran over my clit as I though about dominating you," she teased him, looking down his member grew for her as she spoke, her eyes moving to greet his, "I bet you would," she said as she smirked. Shaking her head as he asked if she hadn't. "They probably were mine," she said before Patrick started to recount the story and it felt odd to hear him talk about Olivia. She moved away to take a sip of her wine again, rolling her eyes as he spoke of himself. "Right, of course," she murmured before tilting her head back to down the rest of her wine.

PATRICK: He felt a shiver run down his spine and he shuddered for a second at the feeling, as he listened to her talk, describing everything to me. His jaw almost dropped at the pure thought of her in that shower, pleasing herself because of a look that he'd given her. "Yeah?" Patrick let out, breathlessly, as he could feel himself lean more and more into her, almost dreaming away to that night as if he had been there. No, instead he was sat at home, a bag of frozen peas on his eye and sulking over the attention that Thea had given the man, and not Patrick. Smirking, Patrick's hand remained on Thea's thigh, but it started moving in and up, slowly making its way to where he wanted it to go. She'd told him no sex but that didn't mean he couldn't try and tease her. It probably wouldn't end up well, she'd most likely tell him no, and that was fine. But he wouldn't know if he didn't try. "What? You're not jealous, are you?" His tone was more teasing as his fingers crept closer and closer to her sex.

#f2f004 #[ thea : muse & adonis ]#f2f

1 note · View note

la-fille-en-aiguilles · 5 years

Text

The Beautiful & Damned (6/7)

Female Reader x Young!Remus Lupin | Female Reader x Young!Sirius Black

Chapter 6: Selflessness and Camaraderie, That Know No Bounds

A/N: And we are nearing the end, my loves. The thought kind of saddens me, but I am also beyond happy for the warm reception this story got. Thank you very much, it’s you who kept me writing into the night these past weeks!

Also, I know that maybe Minnie’s a tad too merciful in this part. Let’s just say she loves them boys as much as we do, ‘kay? :)

As always, please enjoy!

New to the series? - Accio Chapter 1: The Golden Couple - Accio Chapter 2: No, Definitely - Accio Chapter 3: Misread - Accio Chapter 4: Bravado Falls - Accio Chapter 5: Marauders to the Rescue

Not to brag, but you were always considered quite an accomplished speaker.

Everyone who knew you - even superficially - were quick to realize: that pretty little face of yours came with a tongue so sharp it cut like a Sectumsempra charm.

Almost never rude (only if the situation really called for it), usually calm & always very clear, you could be very persuasive, be it with the girls that you shared your dorm room with, or with your professors when they made mistakes, correcting your essays.

You nearly always managed to talk Sirius Let’s-Throw-A-Bloody-Tantrum Black out of whatever adventure he had decided to go on, for Godric’s Sake, - that should have meant something, right?…

Right?…

Yet despite your gift of the gab, all the hints and nearly blatant dismissal, this blockhead of a Slytherin Penn Parkinson just didn’t seem to get the message.

“Hey Y/N,” he came all the way to where you were sitting at the Gryffindor Table - and judging from his expression, for that strenuous effort on his part alone, you should have jumped his bones. “Lookin’ good, poppet, as usual”.

The chatter and the laughter, echoing across the Great Hall, watered down significantly as Parkinson pushed his way onto the seat just across from you, nearly knocking your interlocutor, Xenophilius Lovegood, on the floor.

“Get the fuck out of my way, you freak!” Parkinson barked, before turning back to you with a self-adoring smirk.

Narrowing your eyes at the Slytherin, you exhaled slowly, trying to keep your composure with every bit of self-control that was left in you. After the emotional rollercoaster that Remus Lupin had put you through last week, your patience were wearing real thin. The amount of anger and bitterness you were able to take on up to this very moment was truly sensational in its proportions; it would have sufficed a minor failure in one of your classes for your self-composure to burst at the seams.

Luckily, Penn Parkinson and his gigantic ego happened first.

You didn’t want anyone to get wrong ideas - some of the most brilliant and sharp-witted wizards whose company you truly enjoyed were proud Slytherins. It’s the odd specimen like Parkinson, Crabbe, Goyle and Malfoy, to name a few, that were responsible for the not-so-likeable reputation of the house. None of the dignities common to human behaviour seemed to cross the skies of those four, clouded thick with judgmental exclamations and selfishness, that in truth, you knew, were the manifestations of the inferiority complex.

Remus is nothing like that. The thought electrocuted your brain like a bolt of lightening, coming out of nowhere.

Focus, you scolded yourself, staring at Parkinson, unblinking.

“I strongly suggest that you apologize, Penn,” your voice came out smooth and levelled, and you mentally patted yourself on the back. “And then feel free to get the hell out of my sight”.

Woahs and Ohs resonated in the air all around you, as the three of you instantly became the center of everyone’s attention. Staring daggers at Parkinson, from the corner of your eye you saw Lovegood give the people around you an awkward smile, as if apologising for the commotion that he thought he caused. That look on his face, the fact that he thought that he was the one that had to apologise, made you see red.

“Oh come on, poppet, don’t be such a prude, that’s a major turn-off”, the second the words left Parkinson’s lips, you knew where you were going to spend the rest of your evenings - scratching those nasty cauldrons in Slughorn’s class clean during eternal detention - yet nothing could stop you now. “‘sides, you better learn how to choose friends properly - first that gutless Lupin, now this loony Lovegood…”

Parkinson didn’t know what hit him. The thump with which his body landed on the ground was ear-splitting, the echo of the Petrificus Totalus curse whispering to the walls of the Great Hall until it was interrupted by a reverberating exclamation.

“Bloody hell, that was hot!…”

Standing over the table and Parkinson’s stupefied form behind it, you instantly reacted to the Potter’s outburst, turning your head. The pang of pain pierced your heart so deep you almost sat back down.

Peter, James and Sirius were staring at you with their eyes alight; but the way Remus looked at you, standing in between long tables, several feet away!… The way every woman wanted to be looked at by a man. Admiration, awe and you could swear on it, deep affection coloured his eyes vivid greenish-brown, soft yet burning, it almost hurt to watch.

Remus had always been a huge mystery to you, that you would kill to spend your life unraveling. He always looked sleepy, soft and innocent, but Merlin knows more than half of the legendary Marauder pranks were based on his ideas. He had always been the shy non-talkative one in the crowd of people, but whenever he told a joke or shot a witty comment at them, the entire room burst out laughing. Too self-conscious, Remus refused to acknowledge just how many girls and boys were secretly pining for him and his melancholic kind of vibe, his smile that held a sort of surprise in it, like a warm day in the middle of December.

From the moment you first laid your eyes on him you wanted nothing more than to become his friend. When he first shared his chocolate with you during one of your study sessions, Sirius couldn’t hear the end of it till the day Remus allowed you to steal food from his plate. You honestly thought Sirius would kill you for your constant blabber, or rat you out to Moony at the very least, but he never did such a thing.

Then at the end of last year, Padfoot told you that young Lupin might fancy you. You laughed out loud in his face, thinking he was doing the best friend’s job of trying to comfort you in the time of need. Over the days, he insisted, again and again that Remus carried a torch for you, and that “the signs were obvious”. You begged him not to probe, because Sirius was just about as subtle as a mandrake root pulled out of its pot in a library, and as amused as he’d been, he agreed.

Then you both went to that Ravenclaw party when he whispered the fateful words in your ear: “I told you so”. From that moment on, you couldn’t think of anything but of that young Gryffindor student that carried his scars like flowers, blooming in the sun.

When you finally worked up the courage to tell him about your feelings, as expected, it turned out a colossal disaster. Everything that could go wrong, went nuclear, and not wanting to reject you in front of everybody, Remus fled, and nipped in the bud every attempt of yours to talk to him afterwards.

You were confused, angry and disappointed, not only because Sirius turned out to be wrong all along, but also because Remus thought you’d be too of a wimp to take his rejection like a strong, powerful witch that you were.

And now he just stood there, thunderstruck, looking at you like you were his religion. What the hell was wrong with him?!… The wave of anger rose in your chest again.

“This is for “the loony Lovegood”, you, revolting parody of a wizard!” you spit in Parkinson’s face, finding an outlet for your exasperation. “This - Locomotor Mortis! - is for the “gutless Lupin”, you bitch”, you watched with a chuckle as Slytherin’s legs locked together, “And this! - Levicorpus! - is for the “poppet”, imbecile!”

“That’s my girl”, you heard Sirius snicker, before the sound of it drowned in the row of applause, cheering and whooping.

You’d only got a second to admire your handiwork - Parkinson’s numb body hang head-down high above the ground - before the Marauders nearly jumped you, their grins encircling you.

Peter chirped compliments like a little bird, Sirius and James, with their heads thrown back, laughed rowdily, with pretty wrinkles in the corners of their eyes…

Everything around you disappeared the moment Remus’ captivating eyes caught yours.

“Merlin’s beard, Y/N, you are… out of this world,” he spoke softly, his face inches away, chocolate on his breath making your mouth water.

It took you a minute to deal with your hormones, as you gazed at him blankly, your face unreadable. With the ability to speak, came the desire to shout, adrenaline still coursing through your veins.

“Oh, so now you want to talk to me?!” you flared up, anger eating at you like fire at a piece of parchment paper. “Enough people for you here, Moony?”

“Y/N…” Remus face fell, his big beautiful eyes full of repentance. “Please, let me explain…”

“I don’t need your explanations,” your voice was dripping with almost tangible hurt. “I’m not an idiot, you know, I actually have a brain!” Remus made you lose control, and while you could deal with the outbursts of hurt, affection or lust in the past, you’d seemed to have reached your limit. “You could have told me! You could have just told me you didn’t like me in that way, it would have been okay. I respect your feelings, Remus, you shouldn’t have to love me back! We could have….”

The rest of your thoughts died on Moony’s mouth as it captured yours. Your body reacted to him instantly and naturally: you found the bitterness of coffee dozing on his lips, as if they’d never been away. Your entire body seemed to reconnect to every inch of his, your fingertips relishing every long, lean line of his back, the broad expanse of his shoulders… In his arms, you were home.

“I know we have a lot to discuss,” he murmured against your lips, his silk eyelashes caressing your skin. “I want you to know that I loved you since I met you, and…”

You didn’t let him finish, resuming the kiss - you already knew what he had to say, because you felt the exact same way. At this point, words were superfluous.

What you didn’t know however, was that Remus had finally realised what made you so special. What made people want to be around you, talk to you, hear your laugh. It was, indeed, your dazzling beauty. Beauty, that came from within.

“…Is that…. Is that Mr. Parkinson?!” the crowd of students who hated the Slytherin and his idiotic gang started to quickly thin out the moment they spotted Professor McGonagall making her way to the place of public hanging. She now stood side by side with James and Sirius, their eyes still glued to Penn.

“Why yes, professor,” Prongs agreed proudly. “In the flesh. Or should I say in the air?…”

Potter and Black exchanged glances, grinning wide. Unfazed by their antics, McGonagall raised both of her hands and slapped them both lightly on the back of their heads.

“I am very disappointed in you, Mr. Potter!” she announced, producing the wand from her robes and slowly bringing Parkinson’s numb body to the ground. Sirius opened his mouth in order to ask why the hell wasn’t she disappointed in him, when she cut him a stern look from the corner of her eye.

“Don’t even get me started on you, Mr. Black. I suggest you move your possessions to Professor Slughorn’s bureau, with your troublemaking habits you might as well start living there!” Sirius bit his bottom lip hard and turned away.

“Professor McGonnagal!” upon hearing Minerva’s voice, you untangled yourself from Remus (with great effort!), and hurried to where she stood, Remus hot in your tracks. “They didn’t curse Penn, Ma’am… I tried to get him to apologize… It was…”

“Me, Professor,” with his chest puffed out, Remus stepped in front of you readily, facing Minerva. You couldn’t help but gasp at his boldness, grabbing his arm instinctively in an attempt to pull him back.

“Rubbish!…” you exclaimed, trying to attract McGonnagal’s attention, and for a brief moment you did. She lowered her stare, studying you scrupulously. Just when you were about to elaborate, James bloody Potter had to intervene:

“Oh come on, Remus, Y/N’s right. Quit showing off,” you half expected him to stick his tongue out at Lupin, but luckily, he must have had a change of heart under Minerva’s piercing stare. “I was the one who Petrificus Total’ed the Slytherin baboon, Professor. The evidence is there!” he shook frantically the wand he produced from his robes. When James Potter set his mind on something, it was a losing game to try and fight him on whatever it was. “Had you heard the way he talked to Y/N and Xenophilius, you would have done much worse! I had to simply content myself with a difficult numbing spell...” In order to appear more convincing, Prongs took on a serious expression and motioned towards the unmoving body.

“Now, don’t get too excited, Potter,” Sirius huffed. “It was yours truly who locked the legs together… And that my friend, was a far more sophisticated charm!…”

From the scandalised expression on Minerva’s face, you realized you weren’t going to be the only one to be expelled or to spend the rest of your life in detention, and however paradoxical that might have sounded, the thought made you want to smile. Pursuing your lips in order to suppress a laugh, from that moment on, you decided to lay back, relax and watch the show.

“That is exactly what happened, professor,” Moony nodded, biting his bottom lip, and taking an air of a man who didn’t regret a thing he did and was ready to pay the price for his actions. “And after Sirius finished with him, I Levicorpse’d him for a good measure… But that shouldn’t come as a surprise of course… Since it was my idea to hang the Ravenclaw prefect from the Astronomy Tower”.

The confession produced such a spectacular effect that James, Sirius, Peter and you gasped collectively this time, both impressed and shocked at Moony’s audacity in the face of the only professor you ever truly respected and, truth be told, feared.

“I was the one who…” James wanted to soften the blow (or to add to it, with him you never knew), when McGonagall raised one of her hands, effectively shutting him up.

“Please spare me the details of your heroisms, Mr. Potter. The same goes for the four of you,” she eyed each and every one of you with a very admonishing look. When her gaze rested on you, she continued:

“Sixty points will be taken from Gryffindor for the dangerous barbarity one of you has committed!” she paused, waving her wand and thus sending the Parkinson’s body to Madame Pomfrey, you presumed. “Whoever it is, he, or she,” she gave you a pointed look, “should consider themselves extremely lucky, for I could have sent them packing. I will be writing to all of your parents tonight!” you bit your lip so hard it hurt, and instantly felt a warm, calloused hand squeeze your own.

Without even looking to your right, you knew it was Remus.

“Also, five points will be awarded to Gryffindor,” when all four of you raised your eyes in surprise, you could swear you saw a mischievous glint in Professor’s stare. “For the selflessness and camaraderie, that know no bounds. The four of you will fulfil seven consecutive weeks of evening detentions, which will surely only reinforce the bond you share.”

And just like that, with the rustle of her robes, McGonnagal walked off, with a barely-there smile on her thin, righteous mouth, that she thought no one would notice.

But you did, watching her with a bright smile of your own, relishing the warmth’s of Moony’s hand.

Last chapter’s coming soon!

My Beautiful Taglist (please, hit me up should you want to be tagged or untagged): @youkn0wn0thingjonsnow, @yuukiahim, @xapham, @spunkypatterns, @jackie-houston, @justducky0423, @zakthedrak, @marauder–harder, @davros2004, @firefurr, @heyjess-marie, @kapolisradomthoughts

72 notes · View notes