#i haven’t been up to much mostly reading a lot + i started listening to vince staples & aphex twin

[rpfisfine]

Hey guys

[bleedingoptimism]

You Are Mine part 3

Second day is an early call too. They are going to shoot a bunch of scenes of them hanging out between shows, loitering on the bus, playing d&d, and going to weird little dinners, all things they actually do when on tour.

It’s even better than the day before, Robin and Steve get along so well with the band it feels like they’ve been friends for years.

Since their conversation won't be distinguishable in the video, Argyle tells them they can talk about whatever and just be a little more emphatic when talking so it reads better on camera.

A direction that apparently they don't need at all because they are both so expressive. And so, they actually get to chat and get to know each other better, laughing and joking all through the day.

Robin, who is a ‘raging lesbian’ (her words) is fucking adorable and bizarre, her energy is contagious and nerve-racking. She’s finishing a career in linguistics, can speak fluently in like six languages, and is apparently a certified genius.

She’s also head over heels obsessed with her girlfriend, and won’t stop talking about her. Vicky is a nurse student, one of Steve’s classmates actually.

‘Steve is a fucking nurse student, why is that hot? Why does he find that so hot? Jesus’.

Steve is much quieter than Robin, especially in comparison. But he’s just, or even funnier. Eddie can see how observant he is, listening attentively and waiting for his moment, because he’s mostly quiet but when he speaks he always says the perfect thing.

It’s like every time he talks Eddie can see him dropping an imaginary mike on the floor. It’s fascinating honestly.

He is incredibly sweet too. Eddie can tell, by how his eyes light up when they are placed in a scene meant to look like they are playing Dungeons and Dragons and he goes on a tangent about the kids he used to babysit when he was younger, that they like to play too, how they drove him insane and how he never lost touch with them after they grew up, how they are all seniors in high school now, how proud he is of them. It’s so fucking cute.

They get a good laugh imagining the kids' reactions to seeing them in the video, Steve laughing so hard he cries when Robin starts imitating the expression of one of them finding out Steve made out with his favorite singer.

And they haven’t even talked about or planned that scene yet, it’s meant to be shot tomorrow, but when he hears them talking about it, it fills Eddie up with antici…pation. He’s dying to kiss Steve and he can’t stop thinking about it.

♫

After the lunch break, they shoot a bunch of scenarios of Eddie sneaking into various places, the bus, a bathroom, a changing room, and so on. Since Robin and Steve are practically the same height is easy to cheat the camera into only showing the back of the shirt that says ‘crew’ making it impossible to know which one of them he’s hooking up with until the end of the video.

He has a lot of fun pushing Steve into different corners of the set, and Steve does too judging from all his cute little laughs between scenes. 

Argyle calls it a day late afternoon, he’s happy and excited, says he has a really good feeling about this,

“Not many scenes left to shoot, mostly you two,” he said pointing at Steve and him, “So we can start mid-morning tomorrow. Get some rest my dudes, love you” and dismisses them.

Eddie gets distracted talking with Argyle so when he gets back to the changing room there’s no one there, except… Steve.

He’s meticulously fixing his hair in the mirror and he’s humming the video’s song. Of course he is, Eddie thinks amused, he’s heard it so many times by now. He leans on the doorway watching Steve’s reflection, waiting for him to notice Eddie, but Steve doesn’t see him right away, and thinking he’s alone, he starts singing.

I don’t want to hide anymore,

I want the whole world to know,

That you are mine,

Are you mine, please be mine, you are mine.

It’s his song, but it sounds nothing like it. The chorus of You Are Mine is loud, angry, desperate but what Steve is singing sounds so soft, so beautiful. It sounds like one of those slow acoustic covers that usually play in coffee stores and it’s funny, Eddie despises those kinds of covers, but Steve’s? 

Steve’s he could listen to all the goddam time.

He’s so lost in his thoughts he doesn't notice when Steve finally sees him, he only looks up when the singing stops.

Steve is smiling at him bashfully through the reflection in the mirror, blushing prettily. 

Smiling back he tells Steve, “I’m surprised you are not sick of it yet,”

He pushes himself off the doorframe and walks inside, hovering over Steve since he’s sitting on the only makeup chair.

Steve shrugs as he stands up and leaves the chair to Eddie, going around the room to grab his things. Eddie can’t help but feel a little disappointed, he kind of wanted Steve to keep him company, but to his surprise, Steve doesn't leave immediately, and it’s his turn to hover slightly close.

“It’s a really catchy song,” Steve says and Eddie snorts because, no, it’s not. But he just smiles again and says,

“Well, thank you.”

“You wrote it?” Steve asks tilting his head to the side and it’s fucking unfair how cute he looks when he does it.

Eddie just nods, because speaking hard when cute boy near. Man he usually has so much more game, what is it about Steve that just makes him feel so giddy?

“It must be about someone very special,” Steve says and there’s a question hidden somewhere in there.

And Eddie wants to tell him ‘I wrote it for you’ because it feels like he did. He wrote the song thinking about a concept, an ideal, someone he would truly want, and he genuinely feels he was conjuring up Steve in his mind. Even before he met him.

But instead, he shakes his head and says, “It’s hypothetical, there- there’s no one.”

And Steve smiles at him, his smile getting bigger slowly and his cheeks redder as he looks down for a second before staring at Eddie through his lashes, “Good” he says in an almost whisper and then leaves the room.

And Eddie thinks maybe all the songs in their next album will be about Steve.

to be continued

part 1: ♫

part 2: ♫

part 3: is this

part 4: ♫ 

☕ cafecito?

[lees-chaotic-brain]

Okay, ocean-loving Inumaki, you know? those who love jellyfish and have shark pajamas. Taking him on a date to the aquarium, I feel like he would be very happy and look so tiny 🤏🏻 Whatever. I love how you writing you're great!

You take Inumaki on an aquarium date

WC: 1.4k

CW: mentions of octopi having sex ig, fluff, NOT beta-read, read at your own risk

Note: @kainlvstoge omg i'm sorry this took so long, but thank you so much for your kind words!! i had never thought about my boy inumaki as an ocean lover, but i can see it now that you said it. anyways, i hope you enjoy it!!! also: i had to do a little research for this fic, so take any facts with a grain of salt

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Every single date your boyfriend had taken you on was perfect; like something out of a dream. Picnics in a field of wildflowers on a sunny spring day, stargazing at night from a blanket nest in the back of a pickup truck he borrowed from one of Nobara’s relatives, watching fireworks on a balmy, clear summer night. Every romantic fantasy you ever had, he fulfilled, just by listening to you ramble about yourself.

Which is why you wanted so desperately to return the favor, and take him on his dream date. But there was one little problem. Actually, one looming, mortifying, mountain sized problem: you had no idea what his dream date would even look like. For weeks you pondered, agonizing over  whether or not to straight up ask him, ruining the surprise and admitting you’re a terrible significant other in the process. No. You couldn’t ask him. So you did the next best thing, which is why you were currently treating his best friend to coffee.

“So uh, not that I don’t appreciate it  or anything, but may I ask why you suddenly insisted on buying me coffee?”

Too nervous to meet Yuuta’s piercing blue-gray eyes, you stared daggers into your innocent chai latte.

“This is actually super embarrassing, but would you mind if I asked you for some advice?”

“I’m not sure how much help I’ll be, but go ahead.”

Starting off, you told him about what a thoughtful and sweet boyfriend Toge is, before moving on to explain your dilemma, asking him for his help.

“And it’s not like I haven’t had a ton of ideas! It’s more like, none of them feel right, and I want this to be perfect.” You finish your explanation, looking at Yuuta hopefully. “So, I was hoping that as his best friend, you might have some suggestions?”

“Actually, I do.” He leans forward a bit, in a conspiratory manner. “Not a lot of people know this about him, so I’m not surprised you don’t, but you can’t tell him I told you, deal?”

You nod, willing to agree to pretty much anything at this point.

“He’s like, obsessed with anything ocean related. I mean, he’s a total geek about it. He’s got tons of facts about sea creatures memorized, and even has this pair of pajama pants with little jellyfish on them. So I’d take him to the aquarium if I were you. Before the two of you started dating, he used to drag me there every other weekend.”

You sat back in your seat, stunned. How did you not know this about him? In a week or so the two of you will have been dating for a year! Smiling, at Yuuta, you return to the campus and thank him profusely for his insight before returning to your room and pulling up the local aquarium’s website. You had a date to plan.

A little over a week later, your one year anniversary had arrived and you were ready. You had told your boyfriend to keep his schedule open because you had a surprise planned for him, so when you were ready with the tickets tucked securely in your bag, you told your boyfriend to meet you at the school gates.

When you arrived, he was already there, and you took a moment to appreciate how attractive he was in his casual clothes. He was wearing a black long sleeved shirt with a baggy white t-shirt over it, his black cargo pants mostly covering his battered converse. Looking up from his phone he waved at you grinning. Running up to him, you flung your arms around his neck, feeling his chest rumble with laughter as he caught you. 

“Konbu!” He greeted you, before pulling out his phone and typing something.

You look really nice today :)

“Thanks Toge!! I like your outfit too! It looks very comfortable.” You rub your hands up and down his sleeves for emphasis. “Now let's go!”

You grab his hand, and drag him off to the bus stop, ignoring his protests and questions regarding your date, simply telling him it’s a surprise for a reason.

After a short bus ride filled with mock bickering and laughter, you pull him off at your stop and wait for him to realize where you are.

The aquarium?? He waves his phone in your face, looking at you questioningly. How did you know?

You wink at him. “I have my ways. Now, do you want to go in, or not?”

His eyes widen, and he nods in excitement as he grabs your hand and tugs you along. After giving the lady at the booth your tickets, you let him take charge, as he clearly  was well acquainted with the place. Pulling you along, he chattered away excitedly via his phone, spewing random facts left and right.

For example at the shark exhibit:

Did you know that sharks are covered with little teeth called dermal denticles?? That’s why their skin feels like sandpaper!

He pressed his hand to the glass separating him from the shark with excitement in his eyes, as if he were imagining what it would feel like to pet one. You watched him, fascinated with this new side of him you were discovering.

At the octopus tank:

Did you know that having sex gives male octopi dementia? Imagine if humans were like that, it’d be hysterical

You shake your head as he giggles to himself, and let him guide you to the next exhibit.

Finally, the two of you take a break, buying lunch and sitting on a bench to eat. You observe the happiness on his face as he uses his fries to draw in his ketchup, positive the aquarium was the right choice. Sending Yuuta a silent thank you, you begin eating your own lunch.

The two of you sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes, leaning against each other as you eat before you speak.

“It’s really cool that you know so much about the ocean and sea creatures, and it’s adorable how excited you get when you see them, but…I don’t exactly know how to say this, but why sea creatures? What got you so into them?”

Thoughtfully, Inumaki takes another bite of his sandwich before setting it down and grabbing his phone after wiping his hands. He types for a few minutes, pausing occasionally to delete a sentence and rewrite it. After what feels like forever, he scrolls back to the top, reads what he wrote, and hands you the phone.

I guess it’s probably because of my cursed technique. There’s not really much sound underwater, you know, but all of these creatures can still communicate. Like, did you know that lobsters pee out of their eyes, and that they pee on each other to communicate? Sure, it’s gross, and I can’t just go around peeing on people if I want to tell them something, but somehow it made me feel less alone. So every time I was frustrated or annoyed, because I couldn't speak, I went and learned something about sea creatures instead of feeling sorry for myself.

As you read, your heart hurt for him, but at the same time you were glad that he had found an outlet for his negative feelings. Handing him the phone back, you pulled him into a hug.

“I think it’s great that you found such a positive way of coping when you felt insecure, but I’m sorry you ever felt that way. I wish you had told me about it sooner, and I wish I had taken you to the aquarium before this.”

He pulled away, and you didn’t need anything typed out to read the vulnerability in his eyes.  “I don’t think you’re weird for loving sea creatures at all, and I don’t care that you can’t talk. I understand what matters, so you don’t need to use your words. And, if you’re okay with it, I would love to keep coming back here so you can teach me more about sea creatures. I want to know all sides of you, Toge. There’s not a single part of you I don’t love. So, let’s come back next weekend, what do you say?”

He nodded, and pulled you back into a hug. Nestling into his arms, you soaked up his warmth, feeling his love in his embrace. Because that was enough for the two of you to communicate.

All you needed was each other.

[luvv4j4ybe11]

With time

✧𝐓𝐰𝐢n 𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐥𝐨’𝐚𝐤

✧Tw!!: mentions of death,sibling loss, lo’ak dies instead of neteyam, lots of crying, first time celebrating birthday without your twin brother, mentions of su!c!de, underaged dr!nking, mentions of alcohol,mostly angst with some fluff towards the end (if you squint),feelings of grief and depression and I think that’s all, enjoy this lil Drabble<33

✧Dividers by @benkeibear

✧ translation(s): Skxawng-moron,idiot , kuru-queue, hammerbrow fish- the goldfish that kiri was playing with in that one scene (idk how else to describe it😭)

(Listen to this to make it extra sad🥰)

You woke up feeling the weight on your chest being even heavier than usual. Your face still wet with tears from last nights realization. That realization being that today was your birthday but not just yours, it was his too. Ever since the night he died, you haven’t left your side of the marui since.

Even though it’s been four months since your twin brother died, that day just keeps replaying in your head, the sound of your mother screaming, the look of absolute devastation on your older brothers face, the blood on your hands, the sound of tsireya crying, lo’aks cold expression, the way your father looked at you with complete disappointment and spat out a cold, “you’ve done enough”

Every time you thought about it you felt sick.

And naturally, being Navi twins you guys were connected more than normal siblings were, you felt each other’s heartbeats, felt when the other was happy or sad, uncomfortable or frustrated. So when you felt cold and utterly alone, you knew he was gone.

But yet there’s still times you hear his heartbeat, you feel how lonely he is and how much sorrow he’s filed with. And it makes you weak with sadness every time.

Being pulled out of your thoughts by a small pair of hands on your bicep shaking you back and forth, you turn around to see your baby sister staring back at you with a smile on her face, her eyes still washed with sadness. Yes, she was young, but she certainly wasn’t stupid. She knew how to read the room better than kids your age did.

“Sis, come on, get up! It’s your birthday!” She says while climbing onto you to give you a hug, which was something she did every year, but this one was more gentle and genuine than the others. You break the hug to place a hand on her head, lightly ruffling her braids,“Maybe later tuktuk, I’m still a little tired.” You say,weakly trying to hide the pain in your features with a fake smile.

She frowns at this, making you let out a soft chuckle as you go to push her off of you. Making her cling onto you more. “That’s what you always say!, please sis, can you get up? For me? For lo’ak?” She says while looking at you with puppy dog eyes. The slight mention of his name brings tears to your eyes, not ready to start this day without him.

“Sister, leave her be, alright? How about you go see what kiri is up to?” Neteyam says as he lifts the curtain to get into your side of the hut, holding it open for tuk to run out eagerly to find her sister.

Closing it, he glances at you before siting on your sleeping mat, “Sister, I’m-” “Teyam don’t. I can’t go through today with this fake sympathetic bullshit!, you guys were constantly on both of our asses for everything! You guys never cared about how we felt! How he felt! You know how many times he came to me telling me how dad made him feel like shit? Or how kiri was pushing him about certain things? Or how he caught dad talking to you about how he’s, “too reckless” and he “wouldn’t be surprised if he got himself killed”?”

His ears pin back to his skull immediately, knowing the exact conversation you were referring to. “Sister, you think that didn’t bother me too? I told him that lo’ak only acted like that because he wanted to be like him. But of course he didn’t listen. And do you think I wasn’t aware of how you guys felt? Why do you think I’d always have both of your guys backs whenever you got into trouble? Why do you think I came up with lies left and right to mom and dad so you two wouldn’t get your asses beat? I wanted to avoid making you guys feel like that, but I only have so much control y/n..” he says as he squeezes his his fists in anger, his feelings from that night bubbling to the surface again.

You move from your comfortable position to sit next to him, bringing him into a much needed hug. “Brother, I know you did. I know you try every single day. And I look up to you because of that. You’re stronger than I am. You keep pushing forward even though there’s so much shit happening to you, I don’t understand how you do it.” You say as you feel tears flowing from your face, the hug reminding you of how lo’ak used to hug you whenever you were in a mood.

“I do it because of you guys. Because of him. You guys are the reason I keep pushing. And especially the both of your skxawng asses” he says with a soft chuckle before breaking the hug, placing his hand on your head softly, something he did with you and lo’ak that became a comfort thing for the both of you. “You can do this today sister, I believe in you, we all do.” His tone making tears automatically spill over your eyes, and causing you to notice his tear filled eyes.

Looking for some sort of grounding you place your hand over his and squeeze, taking multiple deep breaths before speaking. “Teyam.. I can’t, I miss him so much. Everytime I wake up I feel so alone and cold, but I can still hear his breath, and his heartbeat. My pain is not only mine, but his too.” You say in between sobs, watching neteyams breathing get more shallow as he tries to hold in his tears. His features covered in concern.

“Oh baby sis..” bringing you into another much needed hug. He places a light kiss on your forehead before rubbing your back and gently swaying you from side to side,trying to calm down your cries.

Kiri walks in quietly, the feeling of your pain drawing her to your room. Her whole body goes slack and cold when she sees your state, making her glance at Neteyam. That feeling intensifying even more once she saw the pain in his eyes. She takes her place behind you, quickly inserting herself into the hug. Wrapping her right arm around your waist and the other overlapping with neteyams so she can hold him too,her chin resting on your shoulder.

“You feel him don’t you? His heartbeat? His sorrow? His breath? Like he’s just a word about to be spoken?” Without lifting your head you nod quickly, too mentally exhausted speak anymore. “I know how you feel sister. Take that feeling as a way of him telling you to keep going. Keep breathing for him, keep your heart beating for him. That sorrow will be gone once he sees that you’re living for him.”

Her words make you sob even more. Knowing she’s right, he’s always hated seeing you cry, and he did anything to fix it. Purposely making himself look like a dumbass, making you go on an ikran ride with him, asking you to go exploring with him, taking you to you guys secret spot, pinky promises. He did anything for you. And so did you.

A wave of calm suddenly hits you, making your sobs come to a complete stop, and your breathing becomes more level. Feeling the change, your siblings give each other a confused glance before looking down at you. “Sister?..” they both say in sync as you break the hug and get up, your features going completely cold. “I’m going to visit him..if that’s ok with you guys” you say while lifting up a blanket, revealing a stash of alcohol you’ve been keeping ever since his funeral.

Quickly you take a bottle and cover it back up, grabbing your hunting knife and putting on both you and lo’aks matching bracelets you made on your 10th birthday. Walking towards the curtain to leave, you’re pulled back by a gentle pull on your shoulder.

“Y/n..don’t don’t drink today. It’s not gonna stop you from hurting, and you know that.” Kiri says while gliding her hand down to your hand that was holding the alcohol firmly. “Yeah, I know that kiri, but it dulls it somewhat. And it stops me from wanting to throw myself off of a cliff so I think it’s worth it. Plus it’s my birthday! I’m allowed to drink as much as I want today!!” You say in a fake enthusiastic tone, your sarcasm reminding them so much of lo’ak.

“Y/n.” Neteyam says in a soft but stern tone, the one that told you that whatever he was about to say was gonna be serious. “Don’t drink. I know you’ve been hurting more than we have but we need you here. Lo’ak needs you here. You know how much he hates seeing you hurt.” He says as his voice starts to crack slightly, remembering all the things the three of them would come up with whenever you were anything but happy and content.

Feeling the tears well in your eyes again, you squeeze the bottle tighter, fighting the instinct to drown your feelings in the burning liquid.

Glancing over at them, your heart breaks seeing the genuine hurt on their faces because of the realization you’ve been drinking this whole time and they didn’t know. Sighing angrily,you shove the bottle into neteyams chest. “Fine, but when I get back just save me a bottle, because I know it’ll be gone by the time I come back.” You say while turning out of your room swiftly, leaving kiri and neteyam there speechless.

Once you get to the spirt tree, you thank payakan and tell him that you’ll see him soon. Ever since lo’aks passing you’ve only really left your marui to go see payakan, knowing he carries the same weight as you do.

While swimming towards the tree, you mentally prepare yourself for this painful experience. You’ve been avoiding coming to the tree in the first place, because you knew how much it take out of you. And he knew the same.

Connecting your kuru to the tree, you’re brought to you and lo’aks secret spot back at your actual home. The only place that brought you two comfort. Tentatively, you walk through the clearing, lo’ak still not in sight.

“Lo?, where are you?” You call out, the sound of your own voice making you realize you weren’t 15, but you were younger. Walking towards a curtain of flora that led to a small river, you catch a glimpse of your brother, making you walk quicker.

Once you get there you see lo’ak sitting at the edge of river with his feet languidly swaying in the water, just staring into the water. Almost like he was waiting for something, or someone. You don’t say anything at first, just taking in the sight of him after not seeing him for months.

“Brother..” you say softly, not wanting to disturb his peace. His head whips in the direction of your voice, his expression lighting up as he gets up and walks towards you. “Sister!!, I thought you’d never show!” He says as he takes you into a hug, the sound of his voice making you giggle since he was also his younger self.

“Of course I did, it just took me a little time. You know I’d always come to see your skxawng ass” you say as you break the hug to shove his face with your pointer and middle finger. He giggles at that, his smile making the weight on your chest get lighter.

Grabbing your hand, he guides you to where he was sitting. Taking your seat beside him, you gaze out into the water with him.Nervously playing with your extra finger, you take a breath before talking about what you were avoiding for so long.

“Brother I’m-” you exhale slowly before continuing, noticing out of the corner of your eye how all lo’aks attention was turned to you. “I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t be here. It should’ve been me that got shot that night. I was the one that put the idea into your head to go save spider. I should’ve just told you and teyam to go so I could’ve got spider by myself-” “Sister,” he cuts you off, your rambling making the pain in his heart worse. “It’s not your fault. You need to stop hurting yourself like this. It’s not fair to you. You need to focus on now. Not ‘what if’. And plus, It’s not like I would’ve listened to you if you told me to go anyway, there’s no way in hell I’d let that happen.”

Both of you giggle at the last part, knowing that he’s not lying. Once your laughs die down, you look down at your hands, that feeling of guilt still lingering in your chest. Glancing over at you, he notices how you’re playing with your pinkies, a telltale sign that told him something was bothering you.“Sister, what else is it?” He says as he leans back onto his hands, noticing how your shoulders slightly go stiff from his question.

Turning your body to face him, you don’t fail to notice the genuine look of concern in his eyes. “You know what day it is today?” You ask, making his expression completely drop. “Yeah, I know.” The words feeling like a weight on his tongue. “I don’t know how I’m gonna do today without you lo’. I can’t. It hurts too much.” You say as the tears finally spill over your face, the grief crawling back up your throat once again. “No, y/n, you can and you will. For me. Just because I’m here doesn’t mean you can’t live out there. Live for me, y/n. Stop letting yourself be consumed by grief and guilt. I hate seeing you like this and you know that.” He says sternly, making sure you know he’s being serious.

All you do is nod your head, not trusting your voice with the lump in your throat and the never ending tears that keep falling from your eyes. The sight of your hurting form makes lo’aks heart twist in pain. And the fact he couldn’t really do much hurt even more. “Come here, sis,” Placing his hand on your shoulder he pulls you towards him. Giving you a much needed hug, immediately making you sob into the crook of his neck.

“I miss you, twin” he says while resting his chin on your shoulder, letting the tears fall freely from his eyes. You let out a broken, “i miss you more” as the void in your chest grows the longer you two hug.

Once you finally calm down,you break the hug, now seeing each other how you guys remember. “Well shit..” you both say in sync, making you both laugh. “You look so grown. I don’t like it.” Lo’ak says as he admires you a little longer, a feeling of peace swirling in his chest. “Yeah,me neither” you say in a soft tone, once again feeling guilty for moving on without him with you.

Placing left hand on your head, and his right on your shoulder he looks at you with a soft smile on his face, “Y/n,you’ll be ok. I’ll always be watching you, and I’ll always protect you.” The tone of his voice making you inhale sharply so the next wave of tears doesn’t come. He raises his pinky finger towards you, waiting for you to do the same. You let out a soft chuckle at his childish behavior before obliging.

Once both of you pinkies are holding onto one another, he grips your shoulder tighter. “Promise me, that you won’t give up on yourself, that you won’t push everyone away, that you won’t drink your feelings away. Promise me that you can get over this feeling. That you will live through this feeling.”

You squeeze his pinky even tightly as you feel the tears well up in your eyes, realizing that time will make no difference to how much you miss him. But it will for how much you will grow through this feeling.

Tugging his pinky towards yours, you nod your head ‘yes’ before saying, “I promise. I promise I’ll do my best for you. I promise that I’ll try for you.” The words making a smile appear on his face. He brings you into a loving hug, the warmth of comfort washing over both of you guys.

“Happy birthday,twin” you guys say in sync again, a soft giggle coming from both of you. Breaking the hug, he grabs your hands and squeezes them tightly “ow! That hurts!” “I don’t care! I want you to have fun for me today alright? Celebrate us! Spend time with everyone that loves you and gives a shit about you. You deserve it!” he says through his laughs, making you smile softly at his childish demeanor.

“Alright I will!! I’ll come visit you again tonight and I’ll tell you all about today!” You say in a giddy tone, noticing that this has been the first time you’ve been somewhat happy since these last 4 months.

“You better” he says while rolling his eyes dramatically, knowing he did it to make you laugh. Once your laughter dies down, you both look back at the water. Not wanting this moment to end already. “I love you,bro” you say while bumping your shoulder against his, making him laugh and do the same to you. “I love you more,sis” he says with a soft smile on his face, one that replaced the one on yours.

You two stay like this for a while, just basking in each others presence and invading each others space. Thoughts of leaving suddenly crowd your head and the second those thoughts occur, your brother says something about it.“Y/n go spend the day with them. You know how they get on our birthday, plus they’ll make you feel better.” He says in a delicate tone, a soft smile on his face from remembering how much they loved celebrating your birthdays. You sigh softly, before reluctantly standing up.

He gets up with you, bringing you into an affectionate hug. Without breaking it, he whispers “I’ll miss you,sister.” With complete sadness laced in his tone. A tear falls from your face from the sound of his voice,“I’ll miss you more than you’ll ever know, brother.” You two stay like this for a while, until it starts getting harder to breathe, a harsh reminder of the truth.

Breaking the hug, you give him a look that lets him know that, making him hesitantly let go of you. “I’ll see you later tonight brother, I promise. I love you!” You say while turning around to leave, hearing him let out a little ‘I love you, too’ before you leave.

Once you reach the surface you catch your breath, calling out to your ilu and mentally going over your interaction with your brother to avoid acknowledging that void in your chest.

It’s a peaceful ride back home, until you start getting in your head about ‘having fun’ today without lo’ak. Because it wasn’t just your birthday, but his too. And celebrating without him just doesn’t feel right, even tuk knows that.

But right when you start having those doubts, a group of hammerbrow fish swarm around you and your ilu, stopping you in your tracks. One of them swims up to your face and flicks your forehead, making you furrow your brows and shove it away. They swim around you and you ilu for awhile longer before leaving, one of them staying back a little longer to look at you.

The whole interaction left you with a smile on your face, knowing that it was definitely lo’ak telling you to calm down, and to stop worrying about unnecessary things. Making hope swirl in your chest.

With time, you know you’ll be okay.

A/N~ this took SO LONG to write oh my fucking god. But we made it!! And I hope you guys enjoyed this (and this is my first angst fic so pls cut me some slack if some phrasing gets repetitive😔) because I did, didn’t enjoy the tears I cried while writing this but it was worth it🩷 if you made it to the end and you’re reading this I wanna thank you so much for reading this whole long ass fic, must really love me huh😏?? LMFAOO but anyway! Otw to write for kinkmas now🏃🏽‍♀️💨

Duces🫶🏽,

Luvv4j4ybe11

[isaut]

googoo gaga over this man. divorcee au

“I never really learned how to dance,” Rex admits. 

The kitchen illuminates the two of you as well as the evening light. Pasta simmers on the stove in front of you, and two fine glasses of wine stand before each of you. Jazz music plays from your record player, which inspired your swaying and Rex’s commentary. 

“No?” You ask. 

“No,” Rex affirms. 

“Not even for your wedding?” 

Rex brings his wine glass to his lips. “No. Just kind of swayed.” 

“That’s a shame,” you say. 

“You like dancing then, I guess.” 

“I love it.” 

There’s a pause. Rex sets down the glass and comes to stand beside you and the hot stove. His hand rests on your lower back, sliding to your hip. 

“You seem like you do.”

You smile, fluttering your lashes up at him. “Do I?” 

Rex nods. “You like a lot of stuff I don’t know about. But I don’t mind. I’m learning.”

You’re learning too. Your pupils turn to hearts when he starts talking about physics over dinner. Blindly, you take his advice when you play Risk and Catan together. 

Arguably speaking, you’ve been much slower to unravel the little bits about you that Rex craves to learn. So much of it had been boxed away over the past year and some, forced away from lack of time, lack of emotional energy, lack of dance partner. 

“I’ll teach you, if you want,” you offer. 

Rex’s eyes light up. “Yeah?” 

You nod. The timer for the pasta goes off, and Rex moves to your other side, hand still lingering on you as you drain the grains and add it to the sauce. 

“‘S easier with some music than others. I think jazz is the easiest.” 

A piece of pasta plops outside of the saucepan as you stir. Rex plucks up the rigatoni and pops it in his mouth. “What makes you say that?” 

You shrug. “Sounds like living, y’know?” 

“I don’t. I haven’t really listened to jazz like that.” 

Turning your head, you regard Rex. Your stirring pauses. “No?” 

“Nah.” 

Your stirring resumes. 

Rex lounges on your couch, cocktail in hand. Leftovers have been tucked away in the fridge, dishes in the dishwasher. You’re crouched before your record player and the collection of records, flipping through them. 

Eventually, you come across a mini record, one with only four songs on it, and lift it up, reading the title just to remind yourself what it is. 

“We’ll start with this,” you say, looking over at Rex. You don’t think he’s moved his gaze from you since he sat down. His eyes are warm, like liquid amber in the low lights. 

“What is it?” Rex asks. 

“This is the Roland Kirk Quartet,” you say, slipping the record onto the turntable, listening to it buzz to life. “I picked it up when I was studying abroad in Cairo.” 

“Really?” Rex asks. 

Nodding, you come to sit beside Rex. He shifts, so his arm spreads out along the back of the couch. 

Rex tilts his head to the side, gaze lingering along your profile. “Were you just buying records?” 

You smile. “Mostly. I was supposed to be learning about the pigments used to decorate sarcophagi. But I spent a lot more time… not doing that.” 

Rex shakes his head and smiles. Takes a sip of his drink, almost in disbelief. 

“What are you doing here?” He asks when he turns back to you, voice a murmur. 

“What do you mean?” You ask, matching his tone, gaze fluttering about his face. 

“You could be anywhere…” but I’m glad you’re here. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” you admit quietly, over trumpets and tapping ride cymbals. “I’m making it up as I go.” 

Rex smiles. The corners of his eyes crease. “I think we all are.” 

Humming, you rest your head to the side. “You think so?” 

“Yeah,” Rex says. “I know so.” 

“You do? How?” 

“We don’t need to get into all of that,” Rex says. “You just have to trust me.” 

“Okay,” you say, all too easily. 

A grin spreads across your face as Rex leans in closer to you. 

“Are you going to teach me to dance, sweetheart? Or just sit here and look pretty?” 

With a hum, you bite your bottom lip for a moment. “You think I’m pretty?” 

“Yeah,” Rex says. “I’d be blind not to.” 

You let the comment linger for a moment. “Can I be honest?” 

“Yeah,” Rex breathes. 

“I don’t know how to teach you to dance.” 

“Who taught you how to dance?” 

Your eyes search Rex’s. “My dad.” 

Rex exhales, relieved. “I thought you were going to say your ex.” 

You laugh, reaching to hold Rex’s arm. “No, thank goodness. Can you imagine?” 

“I was imagining it, and I didn’t like it,” Rex says, matching your smile. 

“I’ll teach you, but I require something in return.” 

“And what is that?”

“A kiss.” You’re so close to Rex now anyways, lips hovering inches away from each other. One grand sway and you’d be attached. 

“Just one?” Rex asks. 

You nod. He bows his head further. His breath ghosts against your lips. You fight the urge to wet your lips. 

His lips press against yours. Firm. Soft. He pulls away with eyes just as soft as yours. 

“Maybe we can just kiss a little bit,” you whisper, resting a hand on his shoulder. 

Rex ducks his head beside you, reaching around you to set his drink on your coffee table. His hand, cool from the condensation, rests on your thigh. 

“Just a little bit,” you repeat. 

“We can kiss for as long as you’d like,” Rex murmurs. “There’s nothing I’d rather do more.” 

With a giggle that sounds far too youthful, you bat your lashes up at him. The hand on your thigh squeezes. 

“I do want to learn to dance,” Rex continues. “I need to be able to keep up with you.” 

You decide, in that moment, that you can kiss him while you dance. Fluidly, you stand, holding out a hand for Rex. He regards it for a moment, then takes it, only to pull you back down on the couch. You go with a gasp. 

Rex stands, smoothing a hand down his front before offering one out to you. 

With a flush high on your cheeks, you take Rex’s hand in your own. He pulls you up, hand resting on your lower back. You loop your hands around his neck, pressing against him. 

Standing on your tiptoes, you press your lips against his once more. 

“There aren’t any rules,” you murmur, shaking your hair back so it falls along your backside. “You just kind of let… Let your body listen.” 

Rex’s hands rest on your hips. You flutter your lashes up. “So what is your body hearing?” 

His body is hearing a lot of things. It’s the blood in his ears, the warmth beneath his fingertips. The gaze down your shirt. The tug of your earrings against your earlobes. 

Sensing his unresponsiveness, you take it upon yourself to make the first move. You press your leg against his, moving it backwards. Rex follows suit, then takes another step backwards. Then forwards. Then again. Then backwards. Then again. 

The rhythm builds. You move in fluid motions together, back and forth, until you pull away from him, leading him to a more open space in your living room, twirling yourself under his arm, pulling back before pulling yourself in. Like breathing. 

“You’re getting the hang of it,” you say, smiling up at Rex. With a hand on his chest, you lean back up to meet him for another kiss. He meets you for it gladly. 

Your shuffling feet come to a standstill, in favor of moving your lips against each other. Gentle, fluid motions. Opening and closing. Like a valve on your heart with every beat. 

“Is this what your body is telling you?” You ask, not bothering to open your eyes, asking the question directly against Rex’s lips. 

He nods. “Yeah.” 

Your fingers scratch against where his buzzed hair meets his neck. Your lips find him again. The jazz music comes to a halt as the record reaches the last note on the A side. Neither of you move from where you’re standing, lips passing against each other. 

One of Rex’s hands trails up to rest on your waist, the other firmly on your hip. You keep your hand firmly on the back of his neck. You don’t actually need to worry about him leaving, but you want all the assurance that he won’t. 

It feels like you’re overstepping a line when your tongue swipes along his lower lip. Hopeful. Lustful. Shy. 

Rex pulls you in closer, arching your back as he responds to the kiss. His mouth opens. He sighs into you. 

It feels wonderful. You need to catch your breath but you don’t care. Instead, you reciprocate tenfold. Press along his body. Ignore the hard points of each other’s bodies in favor of the softness within each other’s mouths. 

Rex’s hand comes to press between your shoulder blades before it lowers back to your waist. He takes a sharp breath as he pulls away, leaving you chasing after him. 

“We were dancing,” Rex breathes. 

You inhale. “Yeah, we were.” 

Dancing could have multiple meanings. 

“Let’s keep going.” 

You do. Your feet move alongside Rex’s light as a feather. Your fingers interlock and separate– Rex likes spinning you. Likes when your back is against his chest, likes when you’re smiling up at him. Likes how easy going you look, how relieved. How carefree, how joyous. 

He wonders if you feel loved. Because he feels it, exploding from his chest. It’s almost overwhelming, how much love he feels. Feels wrong, to some degree. 

Eventually, when the two of you collapse back onto the couch, with your legs over Rex’s, and your bodies too close, Rex closes his eyes. Leans his head back, takes deep breaths of the candle-hinted air. 

Neither of you say a word. Instead, you bask in the silence. In the steady breaths. 

You debate inviting Rex to spend the night. You have a guest bedroom. You have your bedroom. Your bed. 

Instead, you say goodbye to him at your door. Steal another kiss while the door is closed, as if someone would see the two of you in your bubbling summertime romance phase. And when the door is open, you wave to him, still in the clothes you put on just for him to come over. He waves back, and keeps glancing over his shoulder as he walks back to his truck. 

You don’t close the door until he’s at the stop sign. Until he turns left, and out of your sight.

[cordspaghetti]

hi sorry if this is a silly question! but i’ve seen your art around and it’s amazing!! i’ve been wanting to get into mcr for a bit because of it and i know nearly nothing about them (somehow) and it seems like they have a lot of, lore for lack of a better word. if you have any suggestions, where should i start? btw i adore ur style! :)

Hey!! this is such a fun question oh my god. And thank you so much, i’m so happy that you like my art!

ok so when you say you know nothing about them I’m going to assume you mean like… absolutely nothing. after listening to the music i think youtube is a pretty good place to begin getting into the My Chemcial Romance Lore. very visual band. definitely watch the music videos on their channel if you haven’t already—any behind the scenes/making of videos, live performances, and promo videos on there are really great too. their tour diary/documentary Life on the Murder Scene is CRUCIAL. Some other nice ones to look at afterwards are mcr in the studio 2002, this WSOU interview, this 97x a look back with mcr series, this kevin smith smodcast... also anything from steven’s untitled rock show or fuse tv for early stuff !!! mcr’s career can be split into 4 extremely distinct eras corresponding with each of their albums, so you can pretty much pick what you’re most into and investigate from there… some other fun ways to learn about them are searching up magazine scans/articles (AP, kerrang, and rock sound covered them a lot, plus SPIN and nme a bit), combing through my chemcial romance dot com on the wayback machine (their blog posts are a highlight), checking out fan zines and archives (lots on tumblr and also ig), and reading Books (off the top of my head i can think of Not the Life it Seems by tom bryant and Where are Your Boys Tonight by Chris Payne). Also the Killjoys comic series if you dig danger days 😎. ok i’ll stop there!!! this is mostly like… how to Find the lore, rather than the lore itself haha. i hope you find it helpful! anyone who wants to add on pls do…

[preciadosbass]

31/7/24

woke up at 10 and had my breakfast [blehh] while looking at r/scene. also, heard about and saw the GERARD WAY SIGHTING??? RAA I LITERALLY WENT FERAL. HES SO COOL — my dad immediately started talking about my ARFID appointment today and i said that i didn’t know whether i was going yet. [which is what i’ve been saying for weeks.] but he said that id said yes to going. i love my parents, but they [mostly always my mum] do/does switch my words a lot and tend to think things happened/didn’t happen when they did/didnt.

i ended up going to my room after saying good morning to boris because he [my dad] started raising his voice and getting defensive even though i’d already explained that i’m scared to go and that i wont know how to tell the truth. my mum recommended me going and just listening to what the dietitian has to say but i didn’t see the point in listening to my parents talk about my ARFID and get everything wrong. [which isn’t entirely their fault, because i don’t talk about it — it’d just be triggering. especially because i cant speak for myself to a total adult stranger and if i did i’d expose my restrictive eating.]

he followed me into my room and started shouting so we got into an argument and when i verified i wasn’t going because everyone was being pushy he caved in and told me that i’m not allowed any of my safe foods and walked off. which i genuinely don’t understand as the whole appointment is about trying to get me to eat and he’s ultimately banning that for when i am willing to eat. i know my parents try their best but they don’t always have the best ways of putting it across. i get it, though. i know going to meetings is annoying for them but they’re always talking about how useless it is and how they can’t be bothered etc but if i confront them they say that they’ve never said such things.

after all that they’d already left and i obviously felt unmotivated to do anything for the rest of the day. my parents also told me that i’m not allowed to go on a walk today because i wasn’t deciding if i was going to go [even though they know i do terribly making decisions under pressure and they were rushing me and shouting] so that sucks. a lot. i cant eat now incase i go over my cals because i wont be able to burn it off. i feel so guilty about getting upset at my parents because it must be so hard to have a kid like me, genuinely.

i went back off to my room after checking boris is okay and started reading heartstopper again. i haven’t read the books since i was in school and i much prefer them to the series. i listening to my sad-ish playlist while reading because it’s more calming and easier to concentrate with. i finished the first book within around 13 minutes and then went on my phone for a bit. i was just scrolling aimlessly so i had a nap for 2/3 hours.

after waking up a had a bit of food and sat outside on the driveway with boris while playing ‘better music?’ on roblox because i had nothing better to do on my phone. then i did literally nothing up until 10:50 when i got boris inside and started listening to blur [cuz i’m bri’sh innit]. i started playing roblox again at around 11 and was on it for a short while until my mum came into my room and said that her and my dad are ready for me to ask my questions about boris.

i did it decently quickly although my dad did talk about me going through it quite fast today because he has the hospital tomorrow and i immediately felt even worse about putting them through this every night and the altercation we had earlier today. i know he’s going through so much and i wish i could be a better kid so badly. i wish i was better at expressing how i feel so they don’t mistaken me for being frustrated at them all the time. i love them so much. i know he was probably just pushy this morning because he’s stressed and he’s trying to show me he cares.

i then came down to say goodnight to boris first thing because ive once again had a headache all day supposedly cuz of my eating and i was falling asleep. its a little awkward to cuddle him when his new favourite spot is on the windowsill as there’s tons of stuff in the way, but i still managed to do what i needed to do. i went to sleep early at 1:40 after boris came into my room and i listened to some of slipknots’ the gray chapter. im going to embarrass myself and say i technically went over my cals today because i didn’t go on a walk.

have a good day/night -_<

[horangboosadan]

ROCK WITH YOU [8/10]

episode eight: so let me listen to all your emotions

pairing: idol!lee chan x gender neutral!actor!reader

genre: established relationship, fluff, angst, best friend!jun, actor au, smau, on screen lovers off screen besties, intentional lowercase

synopsis: after the release of your most recent drama, the world decides that you and your co-star/best friend would be the perfect couple. the influx of positive reactions are great for your career, his career, and the drama. however, it tears at you to lie to your fans and appear dishonest towards your boyfriend. being a k-pop idol, revealing your relationship can come with unforeseen consequences. how do you tackle the onslaught of people who want the inside scoop of you and your co-star, and your boyfriend in denial about his jealousy without compromising either relationship?

wc: 2.1k

masterlist

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the sound of the code being punched and the melody that sings when it's correct jolts you out of your half-sleep state. the creak of the door opening and the click of it closing has you shake your head. the soft footsteps making their way in your direction has your brain hurt as your mind filters through a million thoughts that have so far kept you from sleeping since you came home.

maybe it’s for the better―you get a chance for your circadian rhythm to adapt back to where it’s supposed to be.

“i brought food,” says chan as he enters the living room. he smiles; a huge grin that seems to lighten every load on your shoulders and clear your mind of whatever fears were coursing through it. the grin stays all the way over to the couch, only disappearing as he leans down to press a kiss to your lips. “i missed you.”

“i missed you, too.” you return his smile. “and i love you for bringing food because i haven’t really eaten anything all day.”

he sets the bag of food on the coffee table and seats himself next to you on the couch. “thought so. i wasn’t sure you’d even be awake.”

“somehow, i was too exhausted to even sleep,” you say. you’re half joking, but you’re aware of the slight nervousness in your voice. chan usually picks up on it, but you’re not sure if he’ll chalk it up to exhaustion or realize that there is something on your mind keeping you from resting.

“then we eat and go to sleep. we both need it.” he kisses you, and starts to take the food out of the bag.

your heart hammers in its cage. there’s a nagging feeling at the back of your mind telling you there isn’t anything to worry about, that you’ve been seeing things in his messages because you want to, because you know you won’t stand up for your own discomfort when it comes to the whole leaning into a romantic interest in jun. however, the moment chan says anything, you’ll do something. maybe seungkwan and vernon were wrong.

yet, there’s that pit in your stomach that keeps telling you that chan isn’t his normal self. his unusual long time in answering texts, his lack of trying to find time to actually talk after your first week away, his short answers, and his sudden lack of emojis whenever he said ‘i love you’ or ‘i miss you’. a part of you wants to tell yourself your just reading into it, that your exhaustion is taking over, but your gut says differently.

you’ve always trusted your gut.

“tell me about your trip,” says chan as he hands you a pair of chopsticks, already broken apart and ready to use.

you shake your head. “hmm, it was nice. a lot of bad weather, but that was the reason we shot there in the first place, apparently. the cast is nice, the crew was nice, and everything went very smoothly, but mostly i couldn’t enjoy myself due to a lack of sleep and breaks. i had a few on set, but my role is big enough that i didn’t have as much time to sit down as i wanted to.” you stop talking by starting to eat, figuring it can be a good excuse to not say anything else.

chan doesn’t say anything, but he’s looking intently at you. his gaze makes you feel loved, but it also feels piercing, as if he can see right through you. see your worries. see your exhaustion. “eat up, okay? you look like you need a good nights sleep.”

“thanks for the compliment," you say and huff jokingly.

“i didn’t mean it like that!” he says quickly. he takes your free hand with his and uses his thumb to caress the back of your hand. “you always look good, okay?”

you pout and look down. you both know it’s an act, but you like doing it. you like having him dote on you, which is exactly what he proceeds to do as he cups your face with both hands and lifts your head so you look at him. “you’re the most gorgeous, beautifulest, prettiest, handsomest, whatever adjective you want, person in the world.” with each adjective, he presses a kiss to your lips, and he continues after until you stop pouting and your lips draw into a smile.

“and even more so when you smile,” he adds and kisses you again.

it helps. it helps you regain energy, and it helps some of those worries slip away. whatever this jealousy thing is―if vernon is correct―you know that you’re not going to lose chan because of it.

all the tension in your veins seeps out. the thought of how much chan loves you, of how much you love him, fills them with warmth instead. a soft, cuddly warmth that doubles when chan puts an arm around you and drags you into his side.

you eat like that for a while, snuggled up together. chan feeds you bites of food, and you’re pretty sure you’re gonna fall asleep. however, as the food runs out, your worries haven’t disappeared enough for you to let go of them.

“i’ll clean up, okay? just get ready for bed and i’ll see you in there.” chan lets go of you. the warmth of his arm disappears and he gets up to start gathering the trash.

he doesn’t get far before you grab his hand and pull him back down onto the couch. “not yet,” you say.

chan laughs and pulls you in for a hug. “you missed me that much?”

you lightly punch at him, not letting go of the hug as you nod. maybe you are holding him back for another reason, but you did really miss him that much. so much you don’t want to let go of him, so much that you couldn’t be happier with the knowledge that you have all of tomorrow to spend together.

“yeah, i did,” you say as you pull out of the hug, “but there is something else.”

chan cocks his head. “something’s wrong?”

you grimace and shrug. “i don’t know.” the words won’t come. you don’t want to startle him, to scare him, to have him withdraw because he doesn’t want to discuss it. what if seungkwan’s right and he feels stupid for his feelings and therefore won’t talk about them? but you’ve been together for two years already, you know how to be honest with each other.

“okay, so, i just need to know how you feel about this whole dating rumor between me and jun,” you say. “i know you said you’re fine, but i want you to be completely honest.”

“i’m fine.” chan smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “i mean it. it’s fine. i know that it’s not true, and whatever the world may think, i know the truth.”

you want to believe him. you want to just say, ‘okay, let’s go to bed’, but you know he’s not telling the truth. “you don’t have to be fine with it.” you swallow, trying to keep your voice level, clear, and without the shake to it you can hear so well. you’re an actor, you should be able to do this, but somehow, without a camera, you never manage to. “i mean it. you don’t have to be fine with it. i wouldn’t be. i would hate seeing you with someone else. i would hate it even more if everyone wanted you to be with someone else. babe, i get jealous of you flirting with carats on lives and fancalls.”

the silence is loud. chan avoids your gaze, looking instead at his hands as he fiddles with the strings of his hoodie. you take his hand, intertwining your fingers and squeezing. “it’s okay.”

his voice is barely above a whisper when he speaks. “it’s stupid,” he says, and your heart breaks.

“it’s not stupid.” you use your other hand to lift his head up to look at you. “i am telling you, whatever you’re feeling, it is not stupid.”

“i don’t like it. i don’t like feeling this way, i don’t like seeing everyone talk about you, i don’t like all the comments about the two of you. they even asked on my live, about you and jun. i think i did well not to make it obvious, but i hated it. but it’s so stupid to feel this way when i know you and jun, and i know you’d never think of each other that way.” he sniffles. a tear runs down his cheek. you wipe it away. “seeing people talk about you as if you’re with someone else makes me feel like i don’t matter.”

you pull him close in a tight hug. he buries his head in the crook of your neck. “baby, i’m sorry,” you say. his arms tightens around you, holding you as close as possible. you don’t pull away, waiting for him to decide when he doesn’t need a hug anymore.

it lasts for what feels like forever and the blink of an eye at the same time. a mixture of feelings spread out through your body. you can’t tell what it is, can’t tell how you’re feeling as chan pulls out of your hug. somehow, you know what you want to do next;

make sure all these rumors and theories and whatever they are stop.

“i love you, you know that, right?” you ask. you lean your forehead against his.

“i know. i love you, too.” he kisses you. you kiss back, keeping him close before he pulls away.

it’s still a short kiss, but it has you remember all the things you love about him. the way he smiles, the way he talks, the way he dances, the way he laughs. all the things that had you fall for him in the first place, the reason why it hurts you so much to see him hurting.

when you pull away, you only have one thought on your mind.

“do you wanna tell the world?”

it’s a big question. going public about your relationship could jeopardize your careers. it will have more consequences for his as an idol than yours as an actor, and it would put you both in the limelight for something other than what you want to be there for. you’ve worked hard to keep your relationship private, to keep your private life out of the public eye. but that one kiss and this whole conversation made you realize that you love chan enough to risk it.

chan pulls away. he takes your hand in his and intertwines your fingers. “i want everyone to know how much i love you,” he says. “but are you sure?”

you shrug. “i don’t know what might happen if we do, but you’re hurting so much because of all this talk about me and jun that i don’t know how else to battle it. there’s still so much of it that im not sure if it will blow over when the drama ends.” you take a deep breath and smile. “and i love you so much that i’m willing to risk whatever consequences may come.”

“really?” there’s something hopeful in his voice, something ready to agree. “you’re absolutely sure?”

“yes. i love you and i want the whole world to know.” you kiss him. “it’s not like we’d be announcing it right this second, and we can still think about it, but maybe that’s the next step.”

chan grins. “i love you, too.” he presses a kiss to the back of your hand, fingers still entwined. “does this mean i can openly flirt with you at all times?”

“i guess.” you laugh. “but the deal is you stop overusing that smirk emoji.”

“i love that emoji. it gets the point across.”

“well, i don’t need it to know what you’re trying to say, though. i know exactly what’s on your mind.” you smile, a giddy feeling now coursing through your veins. “also, you have to stop saying sleep whenever you don’t actually mean to sleep.”

chan fakes a shocked look. “what? you want me to say sex every time? even in front of other people?”

you hit him lightly. “i don’t want you to talk about it in front of other people at all,” you say and start to get up from the couch. “c’mon. let’s clean up, go to bed, and maybe i’ll have enough energy to sleep tomorrow.”

chan pulls you back down by your hands still entwined. “we can always sleep now,” he says, and kisses the corner of your mouth.

there is no one in the entire world you love more then lee chan, and he continues to make you love him more every single day. even with the nervous tension that comes with revealing your relationship to the public, the prospect of your future together looks brighter than ever.

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boo talks

a written chapter for a change. they finally talked! i really like this chapter but my god is the change between doing texting and actually writing it out hard at times (i think i rewrote this like three times before i was happy with it, and im still not actually sure im happy with it...) anyways, im currently on christmas break from uni (finally done with exams and at least one went well and we'll see), which may mean more one shots and hopefully a christmas themed one? idk, but i hope...

[twistedtummies2]

Top 15 Portrayals of Peter Pan

A while back, in 2021 - in celebration of the 110th anniversary of “Peter Pan” - I posted a list of my favorite portrayals of the villain of the story, Captain Hook. Earlier this year, I updated that same list. I said then that, even as a kid, I always liked Hook more than his nemesis, the titular Peter. While this is true, I do think it’s important to state that, as much as I may love the dastardly pirate Pan battles constantly…this does not mean Peter is a bad character. I think that Peter Pan gets a bad rap a lot nowadays, mostly because, if you read the original book…Peter is kind of a little psychopath. He’s sort of a little tyrant, threatening to kill or banish anybody who doesn’t do what he wants, and refusing to listen to reason when people try to help him or keep him under control. And that’s the entire point: Barrie’s story originally didn’t HAVE Hook. The original idea behind what would become “Peter and Wendy” was that Pan was a representation of both everything good AND everything bad about childhood: he is not necessarily EVIL, but he is stuck perpetually in a state of infantile, underdeveloped youth. He’s brash, cocky, and has a LOT of power that I don’t think even he is fully aware of. There’s a lot of mystery surrounding Peter, which actually makes him more fascinating to adults than I think many might realize. Peter’s arc in the story is one of coming to grips with emotions he’s never experienced before, and taking up a kind of responsibility he’s always tried to deny in the past. He’s much more dynamic and more interesting than many people give him credit. I’ve been in a Peter Pan mood lately, so I decided…what the heck? I might as well give a bit of a spotlight to some of my favorite portrayals of the Boy Who Never Grows Up that have come around over the years. (On that note, there has long been a tradition, particularly in stage shows, of women playing Peter, so there will be some ladies included here. Don’t you dare whine about it, they’re absolutely awesome.) Some of these versions stick to the ambiguity of Barrie’s original, while others make Pan either more heroic or more villainous depending on interpretation. There’s a lot of ways you can go with the idea of an eternal child, both idealistic and cynical. So, think Happy Thoughts, everyone, and don’t forget the pixie dust! Here are My Top 15 Favorite Portrayals of Peter Pan!

15. Sandy Duncan, from the Styne-Charlap Musical. (The most famous stage musical version of the story; Duncan first played Peter in a 1979 Revival of the show on Broadway.)

14. Greg Tannahill, from Peter Pan Goes Wrong.

13. Petermon, from Digimon: Ghost Game. (Yeah. Peter Pan as a Digimon. That weirdness speaks for itself.)

12. Mia Farrow, from the 1976 TV Musical.

11. The Version from “Peter and the Starcatchers.” (I’m referring specifically to the books; there is a stage version based on the first book, but I haven’t seen it for various reasons. I love the original books, though. This is probably one of the “nicest” versions of Peter on the list, for lack of a better description.)

10. Robin Williams, from Hook. (Come now, you all knew he had to be here somewhere.)

9. The Version from “Alias, Hook.” (Without going into detail, this really shows how scary a Barrie-accurate Peter can be without much real change.)

8. Charlie Rowe, from SyFy’s Neverland.

7. Betty Bronson, from the 1924 Film.

6. Robbie Kay, from Once Upon a Time. (By far the most evil version of Peter Pan ever made, at least that I've discovered.)

5. Mary Martin, from the Styne-Charlap Musical. (She originated the part on Broadway, starting in 1954.)

4. Cathy Rigby, ALSO from the Styne-Charlap Musical. (She’s been playing the role off and on since the 1970s - no joke, look it up - with her most recent stint being in 2015. She was in her sixties then! Talk about Never Growing Up!)

3. Jason Marsden, from Peter Pan and the Pirates.

2. Jeremy Sumpter, from the 2003 Film.

1. The Disney Version. (Originally played by Bobby Driscoll; this one wins out mostly just because this is the first version I think of when I think of Peter as a character, and because I think the various spin-offs and such have really helped to make him a more likable protagonist over time, while still keeping him true to his established persona.)

[laundrybiscuits]

(wait for the season to come back to me tag)

“We still on for dinner this Thursday, or are you gonna reschedule again? Because I swear to god, Steve, I will break into your apartment and set up camp if I have to. It’s been years. Centuries.”

“It’s been a month, Henderson.”

“I barely remember who you are anymore. What’s your name again? How do I know you? We’re actually very happy with our current cable provider, thanks.”

God, that kid is such an asshole. Steve loves the shit out of him.

“Listen, I’ll see you on Thursday and explain everything, okay? Actually, uh—I’m kinda calling to give you a heads-up. Got some big news, so you should, like…brace yourself.”

Dustin’s quiet for a long, worrying moment.

“Steve. You have got to know that that’s the least helpful thing you could possibly say. You’re not even gonna give me a hint, man?”

“Wish I could. It’s not a bad thing, okay? Just big. Like…Upside Down big.”

“Okay, for my own peace of mind, I’m going to pretend you’re completely overreacting about the fact that you, like, got a dog or something.”

“I’m not—”

“Peace of mind, Steve! See you Thursday at my place! Don’t cancel or I’ll kill you!”

Steve’s left laughing into the dial tone. Honestly, he’d mostly called so Dustin couldn’t complain afterwards about not getting an advance warning. There’s just no way to hint at the whole Eddie thing without Eddie being present and accounted for; it would be the worst kind of cruel.

Steve can’t imagine what he’d have done to anyone who tried to tell him Eddie was alive without any kind of proof. It wouldn’t have been good.

“So we’re telling Henderson on Thursday?” Eddie jostles Steve’s shoulder. Steve thinks he’s been doing that a lot more lately.

“Seems like,” says Steve.

———

They take the train to Dustin’s place in Wilmette as soon as it gets dark out. Eddie’s bundled up in a nondescript hoodie and one of Steve’s denim jackets, looking like every other Chicagoan braced against the cool evening air.

They haven’t been going out all that much. Robin keeps asking if Eddie wants to do any tourist stuff, maybe the museums or something, but he always shrugs off the offers. Steve would’ve maybe expected him to want to get out and explore, now that he’s not cooped up anymore, but Eddie mostly seems to want to sleep, read, and watch TV.

Robin’s been on a campaign to educate Eddie about the ten years of pop culture he missed. “It’s essential for rehabilitation,” she says. Steve is pretty sure it’s just an excuse to make them rewatch all of Robin’s favorite movies, because some of the stuff she brings home was definitely already out in 1986.

Eddie draws the line at letting Robin show him music, though: “Nope, nuh-uh, no freaking way. I wouldn’t have listened to that shimmery synth shit if I’d been alive and free every single day of the last decade, and I’m not gonna listen to it now.”

Steve does have a few metal cassettes, but he feels weird about bringing them out. It feels like he’s crossing a line, somehow—admitting to something. So instead, they’d all traipsed over to the Tower Records a few blocks over, and let Eddie roam around sampling things.

To Steve’s surprise, Eddie hadn’t actually picked up that many metal albums. He'd grabbed the new Accept and some Alice in Chains, sure, but he also picked up Nirvana and Soundgarden. He had gotten into a conversation with a very helpful clerk that ended with the clerk scribbling a number on a business card and handing it over with a grin and a promise to make Eddie try some local act called Wilco next time.

Obviously Steve’s happy that Eddie’s making friends and charming people. He’s legitimately fucking thrilled that other people are finally seeing how great Eddie is, because Eddie deserves that. Eddie deserves the world, and if he wants to date some random clerk, he should get to.

It’s just that if Eddie Munson comes back from the dead to start dating some random clerk, Steve is going to have to go live at the bottom of Lake Michigan. That’s all.

[calissarowan]

I'm wondering what you think about dating the wizards. Like how would they be in a relationship? How would they treat you? How open would they be? If you did that already then sorry for the question.

Ooh, amazing question! No, I haven’t done that before, and let’s have some fun with this. Just to clarify, this is just them dating in general, not dating me specifically. Mostly because I’d crash and burn with two out of the four wizards in the first five minutes. (I’ll let you wonder which two.) I didn’t expect this to get as long as it did, so I’ll put in a keep reading.

Ogron in a relationship…is a tricky situation. Relationships are based on trust, and Ogron has the least trust out of any human being ever. He has a lot of issues and unresolved trauma (so do all the other wizards, but Ogron pretends he doesn’t), and his frustration and emotional upset has a tendency to get projected. A new partner would probably find themselves on the receiving end of that projection. He likes to set himself above other people, so a partner would probably find themselves feeling like they weren’t being listened to. He probably is listening, he’s just also listening to all his stress-points at the same time, and they’re very loud. He’s argumentative, and absolutely anything, even the tiniest thing, will be over-analysed until ‘Sorry, I’m busy tonight’, has been assessed so much that the man could write a thesis on it. Emotional vulnerability is seemingly off the table, and his partner would have to not be offended by the fact he wants to keep them out of just about every part of him. His mother left him when he was young, so he has really bad abandonment issues, which are another obstacle to be dealt with.

But! If, by some miracle, someone sticks by him through the anxiety, breakdowns, yelling, nit-picking, judgement and constant brush-offs, he’ll start to see them differently. He’s been the absolute nightmare that is him, and they’re still there. They still want to be there. For him. And that makes him feel so valued and cared for, and he starts to very gradually calm down, and even begin to let them in. It’s really, really small stuff at first. He’ll choose his partner over staying up until two am working on a plan. A very, very casual remark about his family. Anything pertaining to his parents, even if it’s as simple as his father liking a specific kind of plant, is a very rare and special invitation to step further into his life and heart, and it should be treasured and afforded the utmost respect. He needs to be listened to if he’s speaking; never interrupt, even casually, because regardless of what he’s saying, if his partner cuts him off, he feels they don’t care about what he was saying, and thus what he thinks, and thus about him. And then the spiralling starts. Once some brave soul has battled through everything Ogron’s emotional issues can throw at them, he will have the utmost respect for them, and they will become one of the most important people in his life, and likely his rock, because he needs someone to hold him steady. Once you’re there, Ogron is actually fairly playful, loving a good few hours of witty banter, and his partner will be regaled with long talks about whatever interests him this week, but he’ll also learn about whatever interests them, and then somehow know more than them, but it’s endearing. He’s a judgy, paranoid, overly-emotional mess, but goddamn it, he will become your judgy, paranoid, overly-emotional mess, and you will never want to let this very broken man out of your life if you’ve managed to get into his.

It’s very hard to tell if Gantlos actually likes just about anyone to start with. Stony glares from him are roughly equivalent to a neutral smile. If he actually gives someone a neutral smile, they are in, they’ve done it, he likes them. Gantlos would treat his partner (currently Duman) with the highest respect, and always, always put their needs before his own. If they had a sprained ankle and he had two broken legs, a dislocated shoulder, bruised ribs and a concussion, he’d still insist on carrying them everywhere. Of course, that ends with both parties in a heap, but Gantlos is too stubborn to acknowledge that, because he’s fine. This lack of ability to acknowledge being hurt can lead to a fair few heart attacks for his partner, like when he breaks a limb, and they flip out, and he says, ‘No, it’s fine. Look, it’s really just like I gained a new joint! It’s positive!’ Best bet for getting him medical help is usually to wait until he passes out and just drag him to the hospital. So that’s fun for his partner…

About how open he is, honestly? Gives Ogron a run for his money in being closed-off. Ask him about just about anything personal, and, while Ogron will snap, Gantlos will just shut up. In my headcanon, he had a very traumatic experience when he was younger that left him with some serious scarring, so, basically, he won’t take his shirt off around his partner for a very long time, because he’s traumatised and ashamed. It’s very, very important to acknowledge it when you first see it, but not to look freaked out, or to say anything negative. ‘It’s not as bad as I was expecting’ is usually a good way to go. Duman went for ‘Well I have like ten more scars, so I win.’ Which was…risky. But, surprisingly, got a laugh.

Again, personal headcanon, but I headcanon that he’s part vampire, so that part of him is kept firmly away from his partner as long as possible. He’ll refuse to touch them while vampiric, out of a fear that he’ll hurt them. Just trust him completely, because someone has to have faith in him when he doesn’t. He really just needs to be accepted.

Once Gantlos is in love with someone, it’s pretty much the case that if someone dares hurt them, he will hunt that person down and obliterate them. He doesn’t do well at offering advice on problems, or just romance in general, so his partner kinda has to lead the way. He’s also kinda overprotective, which can end up being a little suffocating, but that’s just a conversation that has to be had. He cares so fiercely and passionately; he’d die for someone he loves.

Anagan is attentive, caring, and has a tendency to go a bit overboard showing he has feelings for his partner. He treats them with the highest respect, and he’s always on their side. Even if they’re wrong. Even if they’re seriously wrong. He can’t really call his partner out until he’s incredibly comfortable, because he has serious issues with being an appeaser. He doesn’t want to start a fight, and if he has to be wrong every day for the rest of his life, well then so be it. His partner’s every problem will be attentively listened to, and he will then try to fix it. Usually through advice, but sometimes on his own, which has…mixed results. He just wants to help, though.

He has a bit of an inferiority complex, so he actually will get jealous pretty easily. Not in an aggressive, judgmental way, but in a ‘could that other person do a better job than me’ way. He just gets very sad and broody, and this has to be picked up on very quickly, or it spirals a bit until Anagan is simultaneously depressed and enthusiastically showing you how much he loves you.

In terms of how open he is, he’s actually the most open of all the wizards. His past can be discussed relatively quickly, though more details will follow as he and his partner get closer. He tends not to say how he’s feeling unprompted, but if he’s asked, he’ll admit it quite easily, and he’ll offer an explanation. So as long as you meet him halfway, he’s a good communicator.

He’s definitely the kind of boyfriend that likes to surprise his partner with nice things, like a romantic dinner, or a gift. He loves giving flowers, but not cut ones. Living plants, that must subsequently be taken care of. Sometimes, his partner is bad with plants, so Anagan subsequently rescues his plants and takes them back home. His partner can visit them somewhere they’re not drowning or practically blowing away as dust. Innocent plants are not getting sacrificed for a relationship they aren’t a part of, and that’s final. All in all, a great boyfriend to have.

Duman is…insanity in leather. For the beginning of most relationships, he’d barely even dip into being serious, just being sarcastic and making jokes and doing dumb stuff. Honestly, the entire start is a shield, so he can see if they leave. He didn’t do this with Gantlos, because Gantlos knew him way too well, but with anyone else, he’s just waiting for them to leave. Like Ogron, he has serious, serious abandonment issues, so he tends to be pretty…clingy. He wants to go everywhere with his partner, and the idea of them going away for a few days makes him very edgy because what if they never come back?! This also makes him jealous, because what’s to stop his partner just leaving him for that guy over there? Nothing! He and Gantlos are thankfully past this, but it was a bit of an issue to begin with, until Gantlos said that he was being ridiculous, and if he ever found someone more perfect for him than Duman, then reality would clearly be broken.

Like Gantlos, Duman really needs to be accepted. He shows off his shapeshifting a lot, but he was mistreated because of it in the past, and part of him is still self-conscious, so his powers can never be judged, and he can never be looked at as an animal, because he’s not one, and he’ll get very upset. Though, for the most part, he’s come to accept himself, and he believes everyone else should too, so his partner’s every flaw will be loved as much as their greatest qualities, because nobody deserves to be shamed.

He’s an absolute tease, and he’s always playful. He always wants to be able to make his partner laugh, and if they’re sad, it becomes his life’s mission not to stop until they’re smiling again. He’s very overly-dramatic, and this just has to be tolerated. Nod along when he acts like he’s cut his finger off, and it’s just a paper cut. It’s important to him. He needs attention, and lots of it. He was neglected for a long time, so feeling like someone’s priority is very important to him.

Actually pretty open. He’ll talk about his past and feelings, but it’s ninety-percent in the form of sarcastic pseudo jokes. You’re just going to have to piece his emotional state together through sarcasm, and figure out his backstory from traumatic anecdotes he laughs awkwardly after telling. He thinks he’s over it all, so don’t correct him.

Generally, he becomes someone’s safe space after a while. He doesn’t judge, because he knows how much that sucks. When it comes to Gantlos, he’s pretty much got this traumatised, insecure, stoic, hurt wizard, and it’s his life’s mission to make him feel loved, accepted and valued. It’s an uphill battle, but he’ll succeed.

And that’s the wizards in relationships! Great question; thanks for sending it in! I hope I answered it well. What did you think?

[moltenwrites]

Writing interview tag!

Ohoho this one is exciting! Thanks @the-letterbox-archives for the tags. Your answers were sick, it was a very interesting read. This one is a long one, but the goal is to answer a LOT of questions. A empty list will be at the bottom with the tags!

About me

When did you start writing?

Oo im not sure? I started “ seriously “ writing a couple of years ago when I took a writing class, but I wouldn’t say I was really a “ writer “ untill I started working on How Our World Ended a few years ago

Are there different genres or themes you enjoy reading other than the ones you write?

Oh 100% I haven’t been reading that much lately, but I mostly read horror and mystery. While I sneak in horror sometimes, I’ve never really been compelled to write a mystery story

Is there an author you want to emulate, or are compared to often?

If I’m honest, no to both of those. I have authors I love, but i have my own thing. And people don’t compare me to any author. Weither that’s good or bad is up to you I guess

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I write with my old, shitty Chromebook on my bed with my pillow propped up as a back rest. My PC keyboard is very loud and just not too fun to write with, and I despise writing on mobile. If I’m in the mood, I turn on some music and get to work

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

I’m gonna answer this question in two different ways, how I get inspiration for ideas, and how I get in the writing vibe. For the first, it’s honestly just seeing something I like and going “ I wanna do that “ or listening to a song while some grand story plays out in my head. For ACTUALLY writing, that’s tricky. I normally write late, but if a friend is up talking about whatever thing ive really liked as of late can help. Thinking ahead to scenes I’m excited to write helps, especially when I listen to music that I tie to those moments.

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and/or places you write about?

I mean, I’m sure they did subconsciously somehow- but I tend to write in fantasy, and my suburban ass life doesn’t really lend to my ideas well. Though I will say, my moms fondness for museums has inspired Paintings a good bit

Are there any reoccurring themes in your writing? If so, do they surprise you?

Yeah, a good few. I’d say grief, and how it impacts people is the most prevalent theme across my stories. This is a bit surprising since I’ve ( fortunately ) not lost too many people in my life

Characters:

would you please tell me about your current favorite character?

Oo this one is HARD. I can pick my favorite for each story easily but OVERALL is really hard. I’m torn between Lars from Souls Collide, or The Artist from How Our World Ended. Both characters mean so much to me, and I’d say those two are the characters I’ve made with the most depth. Ughh this is difficult. I guess I’ll say Lars for now, just because of how prevalent and important to me he’s been

Also I know it’s not what the question is asking, but my favorite character that I DIDNT make is Sunny from OMORI

Which of your characters would you be friends with in real life?

I think I’d vibe with most of the souls collide cast, considering they were initially based off of people I knew. I also think I’d get along with Asim and Astera from Paintings, along with Lyra and Val from How Our World Ended.

which characters would you dislike the most of you met them?

Oh god most of them. I write TERRIBLE people. Samaueal would just kill me- I’d hate Nelios, he’s a dick, Ryder from Souls Collide was based off of a person I disliked in real life, Salazar is pretentious and WOULD kill me, Dimitri is the worst- I can go on. But the worst is Samaueal, considering he would just kill me for the hell of it

Tell me about the process of coming up with your characters?

It’s real weird. I either see something I like, and want to steal it in some way, so i base a character off of them. Asim and Astera are heavily influenced by Mary and Reginald from Cemetery Mary, Hart is inspired by Walter White, the whole council was inspired by the organization from Kingdom Hearts. But for characters I didn’t partially steal, it mostly just comes to me when listening to music. Some characters were also created out of necessity, and evolved far past that.

Do you notice any reoccurring themes/traits in your characters?

Yup. I tend to write certain types of characters very formally, my protags are often shaken by one particularly harrowing event, and they almost all have some sort of huge internal fight with themselves.

How do you picture your characters?

It depends! Most of the time, I imagine every character in the style I wanted Souls Collide to be, but for certain scenes ( especially fights with Res ) I see it in live action.

My writing:

what’s your reason for writing?

I have a whole lotta ideas and gotta get them out SOMEHOW.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment from readers that you find particularly motivating?

Literally anything positive anyone says makes my day. You all have been more supportive than irl friends. But the things that make my day are either people predicting what comes next in private circles, and for comments here, saying that people like a character or are interested in a story makes me beam. I will die if I ever get fan art ( in a good way )

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

However they wanna. You don’t have to see me any way, but I’ve tried to be a positive force here, so I guess that.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I don’t wanna sound egotistical, but my ideas are really cool ( at least I think so )

What have you been told is your greatest strength as a writer is by others?

I’ve been told that what I can do is impressive. I remember one specific interaction about the artist that was incredibly kind.

How do you feel about your own writing?

It depends. I’m incredibly proud of my recent work. I love how Paintings is coming along, and I think the laster chapters of How Our World Ended are the best things I’ve ever written. Anything over two years old is dogshit though, I was in physical pain rereading the first draft of chapter 4

If you were the last person on earth, would you still write?

Gonna be real, don’t think I’d live. But in the event I continued living for whatever reason, maybe? I don’t know, that’s a hard ass question.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, do you write purely for yourself, or is it a mix of both?

I write plots entirely for myself, but I try to thing about what issues there are with my plot from a readers perspective. Idk if that sounds crazy, but thinking about stuff from an outsider perspective can be helpful in editing.

Annnd that’s all, this took me life half an hour wow. Here’s the question list ( It’s unspaced so fellow mobile users can actually copy it all ) Thanks for reading it all, if you did, it’s a super fun exercise!

About meWhen did you start writing?Are there different genres or themes you enjoy reading other than the ones you write?Is there an author you want to emulate, or are compared to often?can you tell me a bit about your writing space? What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and/or places you write about?Are there any reoccurring themes in your writing? If so, do they surprise you?Characters: would you please tell me about your current favorite character? Which of your characters would you be friends with in real life?which characters would you dislike the most of you met them?Tell me about the process of coming up with your characters? Do you notice any reoccurring themes/traits in your characters?How do you picture your characters? My writing: what’s your reason for writing?Is there any specific comment or type of comment from readers that you find particularly motivating? How do you want to be thought about by your readers?What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?have you been told is your greatest strength as a writer is by others?How do you feel about your own writing?If you were the last person on earth, would you still write?When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, do you write purely for yourself, or is it a mix of both?

Annnnd tag list!

@thatuselesshuman @ddgraywrites @jjoneswriting @revenantlore @aintgonnatakethis @yourpenpaldee @illarian-rambling @autism-purgatory @the-letterbox-archives @theverumproject @gioiaalbanoart @noxxytocin @joseph-hooser @mk-writes-stuff @yrndrgn @wyked-ao3

+ Open, as always

[fbisgayesttrio]

hi!

share your x files trans headcanons pls?

Yesssssss I could talk about Walter, Dana, and Fox being trans for hours🥰 not 15k like you wanted but I wrote a lot more than I thought I was going to😂🩵

Warning: this is a lot of me just me projecting my own trans experiences onto them so don’t expect accurate characterization

Fox: He just screams trans man and I know there are tons of other headcanons about him being trans out there. I feel like Fox realized he was trans when he was a teenager and transitioned, while he was away in England, for school. It’s definitely not something his parents accepted so he took the chance of being away from them, for four years, to start transitioning. By the time he came home, he had been on HRT and even had top surgery (let’s just pretend trans healthcare is a lot more accessible in their world). I think when he got home his family just ignored it, they never brought it up so he didn’t either. Ignoring things seems to be his family's way of dealing with everything. Considering the time period, I don’t think Fox is completely open about it at work, but it’s not something he tries to hide either. Fox isn’t someone who cares much about what others think of him so he still swims in the FBI pool, in nothing but his red speedo, because he loves being able to show off his body now🥰 Fox is also very comfortable with his femininity, he loves wearing dresses and skirts and definitely does drag once in a while. I kinda like Fox using multiple pronouns too, he uses he/him at work, but the people closest to him use they/them pronouns and neo pronouns for him.

Fox actually gets two scenarios, but this second one makes zero sense so just bear with me😂 I’ve always thought about what if Fox was born as Samantha and transitioned to being Fox. Like I said this one makes zero sense so idk how this would fit into losing his sister. Maybe he did get abducted and something the aliens did to him made him separate himself from Samantha, from himself, in his mind idk.

Dana: I haven’t thought about trans Dana as much as the boys, mostly because I’m a trans man, not a trans woman, but I do still have some headcanons about her. Dana was raised Catholic and I know from experience how hard it is to realize you're trans when you grow up in a really religious environment (this is where I get to project a bit😂), so I think it’s something she had a hard time coming to terms with. I think Dana realized she was trans in medical school. Maybe it was something they talked about, in one of her classes, and she just couldn’t stop thinking about it after, kept researching about and reading the stories of trans people, just trying to figure out why she related to it so much. She finally starts realizing why she always felt so different from her brothers, growing up, and why she never fit in with all the boys at school. I think she starts out small, maybe just buying herself a dress to see how it feels or trying on some makeup at home, but once she realizes how right it feels and decides that’s who she really is, she goes all in. Coming out to her parents doesn’t go great though, they don’t understand and it takes years for them to start properly gendering her and using her new name, if they ever do. But she doesn’t let their opinions stop her from being herself. I think she’s a lot more private about being trans than Fox is, only the people closest to her know.

Walter: I can see Walter as either a trans man or a trans woman, but I think for both it’s a similar scenario of how he realizes it. As much as I love out and proud Walter who has always known he was trans I feel like that’s not the most likely scenario. I think he didn’t realize he was trans until much later in life. I think it’s after he meets Fox and Dana, maybe even not until the three of them start a relationship. After listening to them talk about their experiences being trans he realizes how much he relates to them.

For trans woman Walter I’m gonna go with the name Wendy🥰 I think she’s always felt more feminine, but she tried so hard to hide it. Constantly worked out to make herself as masculine as possible, joined the Marines and then the FBI because they were “manly” jobs. I think she did realize she liked men while she was in Vietnam, but even then she tried to justify it as the stress of war and the drugs she was taking. She probably managed to push it all down and not think about it until she started seeing Dana and Fox and then all those feelings came rushing back and for the first time in her life she finally understood them. I think she’d be really scared though still and it would take her a long time to even tell Fox and Dana. She might even try pulling away from them, scared that they will find out. Somehow convinces herself that they wouldn’t want her anymore, it’s fine for them to be trans, but not her. The two of them would give her space for a bit, but eventually demand to know what’s going on. After that they would be extremely supportive, encouraging her to explore her gender. I think Wendy would eventually come out at work, but it would take a long time. She would worry about how it was going to affect her career. At first, it would just be at home, with Dana and Fox, until she’s completely comfortable as her new self. Just imagine Dana and Fox buying her her first dress and her nervously modelling it for them🥺🥰

For trans man Walter, I think he had always considered himself to be a tomboy. He did as many sports as he could in school, loved weight lifting and even though he couldn’t join the Marines he still got into the FBI. After he comes out Fox gets his old binders out of storage and gives them to Walter. As much as I think Walter would look gorgeous with top surgery scars I can’t stop thinking about how good he would look in only a binder. Or Dana and Fox helping him tape his chest for the first time (that shits so tricky to use). I’ve also thought a lot about Walter starting to go bald after he starts testosterone and how self-conscious he would feel about it. Every version of Walter is the king of self-doubt to me, he’s never understood why Dana and Fox are into him, in the first place, and that would just make his self-doubt about their relationship even worse. They would defeinityl show him just how much they like him bald tho🫠

Some bonus ot3: imagine all three of them helping each other take their hormone injections. Honestly, Dana would probably insist she gives both the boys their testosterone injections. Or if any of them had surgeries, the other two would take such good care of them, while they reecover. 

Alex: He's actually one of my only faves that I don't see as trans (he's definitely queer tho), but now you've got me thinking about how good he would look with top surgery scars. It’s probably just that fact that we don't know anything about his backstory and very little information about him as a person, that I just don't know how to fit it into his characterization.  

Hopefully at least some of this makes sense🥰

[douglysium]

Episode 14 TMP Quick Thoughts

Housekeeping and Prologue

Hello, this is Douglysium and you might not know me as that guy who wrote over 100 pages of analysis on the Eye (which can be read on Tumblr here (https://douglysium.tumblr.com/post/735599414228484097/the-relationships-between-the-dread-powers-the) or Google Docs here (The Relationships Between the Dread Powers: The Eye- Knowledge is Fear and Ignorance is Bliss)) or as that guy who wrote an article on the Extinction (which can be read on Tumblr here(https://douglysium.tumblr.com/post/717929126195003392/what-would-avatars-of-the-extinction-be-like-a) and Google Docs here(​What would Avatars of the Extinction be like?: A TMA Speculation)). Suffice to say I might be a bit of a TMA fan. Also, spoilers for TMP up until episode 10. You can read my ramblings on the last episode here (Episode 13 TMP Quick Thoughts).

However, Protocol offers a very unique opportunity and experience for me because I didn’t actually get into TMA until after it was over and I binged all of it. So this is my first time experiencing something even remotely similar to what the original TMA fans probably experienced when waiting for each episode week by week and slowly having to put everything together with the limited information they had. So I decided to throw my hat into the ring since this might be my only chance to do something similar. However, I’m working on some longer form TMA content so I can’t spend as much time on these articles giving a bunch of super detailed thoughts. I will try to keep these short and that inevitably might mean some could have questions about why I think or predict certain things and in those cases I would probably recommend you read at least some of the two articles I mentioned above to get a better idea of where I’m coming from. This also means I won’t be giving you a play-by-play of every single thing that happens in the episode so I encourage you to listen to or read them yourselves and feel free to comment if you feel something is important.

These reviews are probably going to end up focusing mostly on the Entities and their manifestations as they are what I have thought about the most and spent the most time interpreting and there’s been a lot of… interesting theories floating around about how the Entities are manifesting that I want to go over.

Finally, I’m just going to say it right now, spoiler warning for all of The Magnus Archives. I know that Jon and co said one could start with Protocol and be fine, and while that’s probably true, media like this tends to be made in conversation with or take into consideration what came before it in the irl chronology in order to connect them. While I’m sure you could skip The Magnus Archives, I don't really see the point of skipping over it when we are already getting characters from TMA showing up in TMP in Protocol. So to me it’s pretty clear that if we want to understand the full picture of TMP and all the things it is trying to say then we can’t just try to pretend TMA doesn’t exist or scrub it away. Just because you could understand what’s happening without the context in broad strokes doesn’t mean you're getting all the nuances.

These articles are meant to be quick and short so sorry if there’s typos and if I don’t address every possible question or possibility. I don’t want to repeat myself too much in this series outside of the prologue so be sure to skim some of my other articles.

Episode 14 “Pet Project”

As usual, we cut to a device listening in on the cast. This time it’s a camera in the breakroom as Celia and Alice grab a drink and Alice gives Celia a Choco Leibnitz (what I assume is a legally distinct version of Choco Leibniz for copyright reasons or a brand i haven’t heard of). They start talking about the date Celia went on with Sam and Celia explains that while the date was good they mostly just talked about work. Alice says “Oh Sam.” implying that this is something that is expected or been done before. Celia even admits that Sam can be a little… “intense sometimes.”

Alice notes that Sam has been acting weird ever since his date with Celia: “Yeah. What were you actually talking about? He’s been kinda worked up about the job ever since you two went out. It’s like watching a dog with a toffee – funny at first, but it’s hard not to worry... ” Celia says that she and Sam were speculating on “what the deal is” with cases and “the big ‘why’” in regards to what even is the point of going through the cases. Considering that Sam showed up to work drunk after his date with Celia, Alice’s point about Sam’s potentially odd behavior holds some weight. In all likelihood, the possibility of the cases being real, and maybe even the possible less savory reasons the OIAR goes through the cases, is weighing on his mind. 

Alice also admits “Sure, I went through the same thing when I started.” Confirming that, like Sam, she was once very curious about what the OIAR was doing and if the cases were real. So when Alice tells Sam to not ask any questions she is probably speaking from experience after watching someone else get into some sort of pickle or because she herself ended up somewhere dangerous mentally or physically. It could also be that she just didn’t find any answers and gave up. Celia alludes to the fact that she and Sam will have another date and Alice’s attitude seems to suddenly change.

Celia asks if there’s going to be a problem and Alice responds with extreme sarcasm. Celia says “I’m serious. you need to tell me if you’re going to have an issue with us. I don't know what the deal was between you, but I’m not interested in getting tangled up in workplace drama.” and Alice responds with “(dripping with sarcasm) The only drama is the dilemma of how I could possibly get by without you all to myself! ” “…am too intimidated by your genius intellect and desperately hot bod and think we should just stay friends? I couldn’t agree more. ” “And on that note I’m going to head off before I make you any more in love with me. Just try to restrain yourself yeah? Sam’s masculinity is already hanging by a thread.” There’s so many levels of sarcasm here on Alice’s part that it’s a little hard for me to pinpoint with certainty the exact reason why she seems to take issue with Celia going out with Sam again. The most obvious and straightforward reason would be that Alice still has feelings for Sam and she is jealous of Celia. She might have been fine with the first date because she didn’t think it would go anywhere. But Alice does note that Sam started acting concerningly weird ever since his date with Celia so it’s also possible that Alice is once again worried about Sam’s mental state and the more protective side of her personality is kicking in. It could explain a potential change in opinion here since Alice might’ve been fine with the first date until Sam started acting weird afterwards and she is growing worried about what Celia wants with Sam. Whether Alice is actually suspicious about Celia, is worried about Sam, this is just some petty emotional drama, or some weird combination of all of these things feels possible to me.

Lena encounters Sam in the office and asks him if he knows where Gwen is to which he says he does not and the next case starts. I think it’s interesting that Lena has started looking for Gwen. Gwen might be purposefully running late or outright trying to avoid Lena or Lena simply has another letter ready for her.

We start this episode’s statement, and it includes something I’ve been looking forward to and many fans have been asking about since TMA. That thing being snakes. I think sometimes people get a little too caught up about the lack of snakes in TMA or read too much into it (the only real direct reference to snakes is in regards to The Extinction with references to mythological world ending serpents such as Jörmungandr and Apophis from Norse and Egyptian myth respectively). While TMA has a lot of episodes, at the end of the day it can only fit so many statements so it’s plausible that even a more common fear might slip through the cracks or end up not getting a dedicated statement. Not to mention most of TMA takes place in the UK and there aren’t a whole lot of super dangerous or big snakes running around. The only poisonous snake I could find after a quick google search is a kind of adder that “is the UK's biggest venomous animal, but they are rarely a threat to people or dogs.” The again most spiders aren’t super poisonous either and they show up plenty and fears can be far from rational. This episode finds an interesting way to include an abnormal amount of different snakes by setting the case within a pet store.

Chester starts off the statement with

Treatment Report. 

Elima Pest Ltd. 

Attending Technician: Alyssa Beck 

Date: 01.08.1995. 

Job No. 8146 

Client Contact: Anthony Walker. 

Property Type: Commercial. 

Address: Resounding Reptile 

Emporium, Hartshill, Newcastle Under-Lyme 

Follow up Required: Yes 

Report Type: Call Out 

Note: Follow up postponed until location of attending technician determined. 

Initial Assessment - 15:30 

So we can surmise that some kind of exterminator (Alyssa Beck) has been hired to deal with something by Anthony walker. Alyssa explains “Client reported that a rat had been spotted in the shop’s break room.” and meets with the proprietor / owner who explains that they are “concerned about the potential of fleas or ticks brought in by the rodent.” Alyssa notes that the shop’s owner “...had clear red/sore patches around his neck from itching. I assured him that unless he had come into close contact, it was unlikely that he had been bitten or suffered from parasite transference. Most likely psychosomatic phantom bites as an effect of the current heatwave. Worth noting however, that the strong odour of the shop indicates that the IAQ of the Reptile Emporium is likely below recommendations.” So the owner is worried that he had been bitten or infected, Alyssa explains that it’s probably just the heat, and the shop smells absolutely terrible. But Alyssa then begins to hypothesize that mosquitoes might be the source of the sore patches: “Follow-up probably required. I suspect that due to the heat and humidity of the shop, mosquitoes may be present, which might also be the source of the shopkeeper’s skin irritation. The Resounding Reptile Emporium backs onto a marshy nature reserve, which increases this risk, although none spotted during initial inspection.”

Alyssa requests that the shop be cleared of customers so they can perform a full inspection and the owner becomes increasingly agitated, “presumably due business worries, 

resulting in a brief altercation. Kept mentioning “his burden” and grabbing at my sleeve. Received slight scratch by accident, but no escalation or violence, so no need for a full incident report, although anyone following up should be advised there may be a mental health problem.”

The inspection begins at 15:41 (or 3:41) and Alyssa describes part of the store “Break room situated in an annex separated from the main shop by a formerly external door (adequate barrier between main shop and affected area). Customers vacated from premises by client.” They find uncovered food in the breakroom: “open bin containing various unfinished food items and empty frozen mice packets (snake food, presumably). Discarded crisp and sweet wrappers on countertops. Even with window open, there is a  strong smell of spoiled food. Recommended consideration: sealed waste disposal and food storage.” They also find ants in and around the cabinets and take note of them in case of a possible full infestation.

At 15:50 (or 3:50) they note “Found Cylindrical droppings with sheared ends, indicating squirrel. Minimal volume: likely just the one. Woodland area and trees directly outside breakroom window. Recommended prevention: mesh grate over window to prevent further ingress. Squirrel discovered on overhead cabinets. Window left fully opened to aid exit. Area sealed. 

At 16:10 (or 4:10) Alyssa notes “Retrieved live capture trap from van. Customers granted re-entry to shop floor. During room preparation small hole discovered between wall of breakroom and adjacent room. Used by squirrel as point of egress. Adjacent room locked, key requested and signed out with client. Hole sealed.”

Then at 16:30 (4:30), “Squirrel found among storage boxes and captured alive with trap. Will seal ingress hole after removal. Captured squirrel appears lethargic, likely injured or poisoned. Remov-” and we suddenly cut to “Police aren’t here yet. They say any minute but I don’t think it’ll matter. I can still hear the operator on the phone, but it’s just noise.” Alyssa says that somehow thousands of snakes are in the store and they leave a final message for their dad, saying that they know their dad will believe them and that it’s not his fault.

Alyssa speaks of the room they are in. One that the squirrel made it into and it acts as a makeshift CCTV office, complete with cameras. Although Alyssa does say “Just a storage closet, really. All the cameras show the shop interior.” So it’s probably about as small as a closet and used to be one too. They explain that just after they had caught the squirrel and began to head out they saw something on the screen of one of the camera monitors. The shop owner “...was reaching over the counter, grabbing at a customer, while their daughter stood crying nearby. I recognised the girl, or at least the toy gosling she was holding, remembered how she looked at her Dad when I told the two of them to wait outside. It reminded me of us.” and “It’s selfish how I wish you were here now dad.”

When Alyssa “unsealed the shop floor the shopkeeper seemed obsessed with continuing his sales pitch to the pair. He was adamant that they purchase a snake, and pretty much ignored me entirely. It made me a bit uneasy, so I hung back to watch. Thinking back… I should have noticed he was off.” Alyssa watches the camera monitor as “the shopkeeper suddenly lunged forward, clearing the desk, smashing the glass on his way with a crash I heard even through the closed door, leaving him sprawling among the crickets previously boxed on the shelf behind him. They were jumping, flowing, twitching. Thousands of them, just juddering pixels on the monitor, but the noise was palpable, punching through the wall like a fist. I grabbed my phone and called the police. I should’ve gone out there and helped but- but I was scared. I just couldn't.” Alyssa tries to explain what’s happening to the police but doesn't listen to their response on the phone. “On the screen I could see the customer had scrambled to his feet and he and his daughter were nearly out of the entrance. The shopkeeper lunged one last time and that’s when I noticed he’d… started to change. He was bloated. Swollen around the neck.” The door slams in the shop owner’s face and something falls out of his mouth, but Alyssa can’t make it out through the monitor.

“Moments passed with no noise except the screaming crickets and my own thudding heartbeat. The shopkeeper lay completely prone, he hadn’t moved at all, and I wondered if the fall had knocked him out, cracked his skull or something. Then there was movement near his head, and he began to twitch and spasm. I thought it might be a seizure but then, his mouth began to open, wider and wider, impossibly wide, his jaw bones snapping with the strain. And then a horde of slender shapes slithered out.” “Snakes, Dad. Thousands of them. All from inside him, pushing up through his deflating throat. The floor was lost beneath the heaving, writhing mass of them. I could hear the scrape of their scales on the linoleum, but they made no other sound. Then the owner's body began to slide across the floor towards the closed door between us. It took me a moment to realise his body was being pulled over the broken glass and debris, carried on the creatures' backs. Towards me. I got the door locked just in time. This room, it’s a mess. Printouts, delivery notes, a bunch of rejection letters from some institute he pinned to the wall with a kitchen knife. And it's hot in here, dad. Too hot. Oh god. I can feel it. My throat is swelling. And it itches. I can still hear all the snakes brushing up against the door and… in the walls, I think. Christ, they’re in the walls… Oh god. I forgot about the hole. I love you Da-”

In my analysis of episode 12 (Episode 12 TMP Quick Thoughts) I tried to look for any discernible patterns or correlations for when certain computer voices show up. Episode 13 was a live phone call, so we didn’t get the chance to hear any of the voices. However, this statement is told by Chester (Jonathon’s voice). A youtuber by the name of Maddie’s Maxis (This Channel's First Video - The Magnus Protocol Analysis and Theories) hypothesizes that Chester covers statements related to the Institute. Something that probably holds true here since I think it’s safe to assume that the rejection letters could be from the Magnus Institute (meaning that the owner was rejected like Sam). I myself proposed that Chester seems to show up in regards to statements that are connected to looking for things, which also holds true here. In this case Alyssa is an exterminator, which means their job involves looking for and catching things like pests (and they end up tracking down a squirrel). Considering the Institute rejection letters mentioned, it’s also possible that the shop owner is looking for information about The Institute. This also could relate to what Sam mentioned on his date with Celia about a string of bad luck after being rejected from the Institute. Alyssa also mentions “Printouts, delivery notes, a bunch of rejection letters from some institute he pinned to the wall with a kitchen knife” implying that the shopkeeper harbors ill will towards the Institute or blames the organization for something.

It’s interesting that Alyssa mentions that their dad would believe them and that this isn’t his fault. It could simply be that Alyssa’s dad really trusts them or that their dad is the reason they took this job for some reason but it’s also possible that Alyssa’s dad has some connection or experience with the supernatural that would lead to him believing Alyssa. He could have been part of some sort of faction or mentioned weird occurrences, or maybe Alyssa even experienced a supernatural encounter with him.

If we were to view this through the lens of Smirke’s 14 (plus The Extinction) from TMA this case actually falls pretty cleanly into the domain of an Entity like The Corruption. There are also some themes of The Hunt, with all the snakes seemingly hunting Alyssa down and finding their way to Alyssa through the walls, and maybe even The Eye in relation to the camera system and the fear of seeing too much as well as the snakes immediately knowing Alyssa’s location and finding them. There is also thematic overlap with The End, since Alyssa potentially dies and the snakes could be poisonous, The Slaughter if you see what the snakes are doing as a violent action, The Buried with how Alyssa is trapped in a small room, The Flesh with how the shop owner’s body contorts and the body horror involved, and The Desolation if you want to talk about some parts of the store being broken or the shopkeeper fearing that he might lose business.

However, I think something like The Corruption has the best argument for multiple reasons. First, I need to go over The Corruption a bit to make sure we are all on the same page. The Corruption is a fear that is connected to disgust. Most of this is obvious with the connection it has to gross creepy crawlies or illnesses but The Corruption also has strong themes of love, toxic relationships, and shame with some self-loathing. I’ve seen people express confusion over this but these themes actually still connect to the idea of disgust when used by The Corruption.

It’s important to remember that the Entities don’t always relate to just physical fears. It is possible to fear something that is physically disgusting but you can also find certain actions, behaviors, mindsets, and other non-physical attributes to be disgusting or repulsive. Certain behaviors or actions might be described as “gross” or “shitty.” So in the case of The Corruption it’s forms of love often connect to unhealthy or “disgusting” relationships (not just romantic relationships either). The Corruption does also seem to have a connection to shame and self-loathing which also makes sense for its connection to disgust. It’s possible to feel disgusted towards one’s own self or their own actions. Someone might feel unworthy of love because they are disgusting or they might feel like “shit” because they feel gross or terrible. It is possible to perform actions that make you feel “dirty” even if you aren’t physically any dirtier. Additionally, the more disgusting you are the more others are likely to judge or avoid you. I should make it clear that The Corruption isn’t the only Entity to have manifested as weird diseases or the only one that could ever relate to love (for example we see Annabelle Cane attempt to use the love her family feels towards her to manipulate them in TMA before encountering The Web. Love can easily tie into themes of control or breaches of privacy with Entities like The Web, The Eye, etc.). There’s also possibly a whole thing with feeling like you’re so disgusting and undeserving of love that you feel like dirt and the only things that could possibly love you are other disgusting things or rot itself because it’s what you deserve but that’s for another time.

Looking back at the case itself there are a lot of parallels to The Corruption. First the shop itself seems unsanitary. There are open bins of food in it (which can attract pests), ants crawling around before crickets later escape(and we know The Corruption often gravitates towards gross bugs), squirrel droppings, a terrible stench, etc.. The store is also located near a swamp, a biome that can have tons of stagnant water turn it into a vector of disease. Alyssa even hypothesizes that mosquitoes might be present in the store, and we know The Corruption has manifested as mosquitoes previously (like in MAG 45 (Blood Bag)). This is probably because mosquitoes are great vectors for disgusting diseases in addition to having the association of being a gross bug. The store is also extremely hot and heat can cause things to rot, spoil, or decompose faster (such as the uncovered food Alyssa finds).

The shop owner also has a strange sickness or infection taking the form of itchy red sore patches. He seems worried that he was bitten or infected by a parasite since Alyssa had to assure him otherwise. The Corruption has a connection to sicknesses and infections with how gross people find them and how gross they can make you feel. Later a bunch of snakes spew out of the shop owner’s mouth and Alyssa mentions how their jaw contorts unnaturally which might generate feelings of disgust and relates to the whole snake thing. Some people might find snakes related to The Corruption of all things to be weird since The Hunt, The Slaughter, or The End seem like more obvious answers for what kind of fears snakes could relate to. But I have met people who have said that they find snakes gross or disgusting so I don’t think someone fearing snakes because they associate them with something gross is completely unheard of even if it might not be why you yourself find them scary. Some might find how and what snakes eat gross too. Considering that the owner’s mouth opening unnaturally wide to release snakes resembles how snakes can unhinge their jaws, I have to wonder if the sore patches are meant to resemble an animal shedding their skin or if the infection was actually caused from a supernatural snake bite. It could just as well be that the show owner was infected by a scratch similar to the one he gave Alyssa.

The shop owner also mentions some sort of “burden.” Something that I think could tie in pretty well to the previously mentioned feelings of guilt, shame, or self-loathing. The owner might feel disgusted with himself which creates the feeling of some sort of burden. It could have something to do with the Magnus Institute but it also sounds similar to Doctor Webber is episode 3 (TMP Quick Thoughts 3). A character who also clearly feels a heavy burden due to an anxiety caused by some sort of action (presumably the death / killing of his wife). Alyssa mentions that the owner scratched them at some point, which sounds somewhat similar to something like “The Tale of a Field Hospital.” An artifact tied to The Corruption that would leave papercuts that quickly became infected if one interacted with its pages. We never get to see if Alyssa’s wound would have actually gotten infected specifically but some of their last worsd are “...and it's hot in here, dad. Too hot. Oh god. I can feel it. My throat is swelling. And it itches..” So they are getting infected by something and there’s an implied connection there. The store is already noted as being hot and they are in a presumably small room but it’s possible that they have a sickness which is causing their body temperature to increase. Which is kind of funny when you remember that many snakes can sense infrared radiation, which means they basically have a sort of heat vision. So if someone got sick and their body temperature started rising it would be easier for something like a snake to find them. It’s possible that the snakes were able to find Alyssa so quickly because of the wound acting like some sort of weird supernatural heat beacon.

Alyssa is an exterminator which we know is an occupation that has come into contact with The Corruption previously. In TMA Jordan Kennedy was a pest exterminator that encountered The Corruption. This makes sense because exterminators are usually hired to get rid of animals that are either dangerous, disgusting, or both. Especially, since things like bugs and rats can be a vector for diseases (something that can easily relate to The Corruption). Alyssa seems to reminisce about her dad a lot which seems like it could relate to The Corruption and love (familial love in this case of course). It’s hard to say how unhealthy the relationship sounds, if at all, but Alyssa does say “It’s selfish how I wish you were here now dad.” implying that they might feel some sort of guilt for wishing that their dad was present. Alyssa insisting that their dad is not at fault for what’s happening could also potentially allude to some sort of guilt present. It’s possible one of them accidentally hurt the other or there was a falling out of some sort. The case mentions “Note: Follow up postponed until location of attending technician determined.” at the beginning. Meaning that, at least at the time, Alyssa disappeared or a body could not be found. Maybe the snakes were looking for a new host and Alyssa is some snake version of Jane Prentiss or maybe the snakes simply devoured their body so there were no remains.

This episode has some pretty notable thematic similarities with the case of Webber in episode 3 (Putting Down Roots) which makes me inclined to believe that, Smirke’s 14 or not, the force in this case and Webber’s case are the same (or at least very similar).

We cut back to the office and Sam tries to wave off the mention of the Institute by saying it could be any Institute. Once again, I feel like something or someone is purposefully trying to entice or stoke Sam’s curiosity. Gwen startles Sam and she says “(putting bags down) I didn't “sneak up”. It’s not my fault if you're distracted.” Sam getting sucked into a case is somewhat similar to how some characters would get sucked into the statement they were reading but this could always just be because the events are horrifying or Sam’s “intense” personality, if Celia and Alice are to be believed. Gwen says “Just now. Seems pretty straightforward to me. Snakes, not sure what the collective noun is, horde maybe? Cross link with infection too probably. I wouldn’t have thought the letters have any bearing on the classification.”

Sam tells Gwen that Lena was looking for her to which Gwen asks how long ago this was. Sam replies “Dunno. Few minutes ago. She seemed uh… not happy.” and Gwen quips “Is she ever?” We then get this interaction

GWEN 

“What did you tell her?”

SAM 

“Hmmm? Nothing. Just that I hadn’t seen you. Something wrong?”

GWEN 

“Nothing you can help with.”

SAM 

“Listen, Gwen”

GWEN

“Just leave it alright. Focus on your cases. You wouldn’t understand.”

SAM 

“(cold) Of course not.”

GWEN 

“That’s not- (heading off) I don’t have time for this.”

GWEN exits. 

SAM 

“(muttering to himself) No-one ever does.”

Clearly, Sam is becoming annoyed by the lack of transparency and Gwen doesn’t think Sam will believe her about her encounter with Mr. Bonzo. It’s also possible that Gwen is even trying to protect Sam by keeping him out of it but this seems less likely. Gwen immediately wondering what Sam said about her whereabouts makes me suspect that Gwen is probably up to something or trying to avoid Lena.

Conclusion

I didn’t realize this till a few episodes ago, but the transcripts have the categories and forms the cases are filed under. Although, I can’t see anything that would change what I’ve said previously or shed a ton of new light on anything so I didn't really think about them. I still don’t have anything to say but here’s the one for this case:

CAT1RB4426-01081995-15032024 

Transformation (snake) -/-horde 

Incident Elements: 

- Body Horror 

- Snakes 

- Implied Harrassment 

- Mentions of: rodents, insects, dead animals 

Protocol quick thoughts archive- TMP Quick Thoughts Archive

[sitp-recs]

Eager for the Sky by @oknowkiss

Harry/Draco, minor Harry/Ron and Draco/Blaise (2022, Mature, 35k)

It was announced, just as the Triwizard Tournament had been, at the start of term feast. A year-long, international Quidditch varsity match — the inaugural Wizarding Academy Cup. In which Harry is Hogwarts' star Seeker, Draco is on the bench, and they both have a thing or two to learn about playing for the same team.

Draco hated that, the way Potter would sneak up on him, proving he’d been listening. He had always seemed to be caught up in his own head, never paying attention to anything or anyone but himself, but now that Draco was starting to know him, he was beginning to see the truth of Potter.

When I started this blog over two years ago, I’d write (smaller, but still) recs for every fic I liked. At some point I was reccing up to 3 fics a day and started bookmarking them all to keep track of my own recs - maybe that’s why I got more than 600 bookmarks lol - and it was really fun and fulfilling, but it also demanded A LOT of time and energy. As they both became scarce, I changed strategies and decided to only rec fics that touched me in a more personal way. These days I write recs mostly on a whim; it happens less and less because I’m not reading as much, sure, but also because it needs to be a frantic urge, almost like a trance, and it needs to hit me right after I’m finished a fic otherwise it won’t be fresh in my mind.

I’ve wanted to rec something from E for so long and after being left intrigued and impressed by any day now and licence to kill (two solid recs if you haven’t read those yet!) I couldn’t see what was holding me back. Now I ask myself if I had been waiting for Eager for the Sky. And not necessarily because it’s the perfect fit for my tastes - in fact, I barely read or care for 8th year fics nowadays - but because this fic found me at the moment I needed it the most. Coming back from a brief hiatus (that felt longer than life itself) right before Christmas last year, I can say that reading this was a refreshing and lovely experience, but also magical in many ways. And funnily enough, this rec has been sitting in my drafts, half-finished, since January. Once again, something I couldn’t figure out was holding me back until I saw this gorgeous binding post by @a-gay-old-time (go check it right now!!) and I accidentally found out that last week was E’s one year fandomversary! Perfect timing to wrap this up and post it as a humble homage to one of the authors whose talent I’ve enjoyed and admired the most in the past year. What a gift to have you in this fandom, and what a privilege to read this incredible 8th year romance!

Way beyond the delight of watching Draco and Harry fall in love over the course of a (very cool and inventive) Quidditch championship, I was so touched by the amount of tenderness, youth and heart this story coveys. There is something unbearably sweet about an enemies to friends to lovers journey that explores the wonders of being young and free to flirt, experience and discover. I could feel the joy of falling in love all over again through every line here, through every knowing smile and surreptitious touch. The slow burn is masterfully done in a way that never feels empty, boring or dragged. Every little moment brings new discoveries about each other and is important to bring them together as friends, and then as lovers.

It’s worth mentioning that there’s a fair amount of longing, UST and some infuriating delicious cockblocking but somehow the way it’s written and the context it’s given make the experience even sweeter and more rewarding. I was in no rush to see this over and found it very charming that they saw value in wanting, teasing, flirting, chasing. Because I really ready young Drarry I had almost forgotten how fun a pining Draco can be in all his teenage complexity, capable of signaling confidence, vulnerability, inadequacy and tenderness all at once.

His emotions felt so very real I could feel a lump in my throat, and I was especially moved by his genuine response to Harry’s prior involvement with Ron (Be still my Rarry heart!!! For those wondering: this is a minor but significant plot point that made my heart ache and grow twice its size, I’m so soft for this brOTP! By the way - side Rarry & Blaco? A fic after my own heart!). Even more brilliant is the fact that E published Eager for the Sky and July Tree pretty much back to back and these two fantastic 8th year tales complement each other perfectly. They got a very different tone from her usual edgy “mature Drarry” which I also love - and maybe that’s why I was caught off guard by how fast I felt emotionally connected to this softer, more innocent brand of love. Not to mention that superb art by @upthehillart - killing me softly as per usual, with the ultimate teenage Drarry headcanon what a treat!!

This fic was exactly what I needed and it gave me the delicious catharsis I was looking for without really knowing. It pulled me back into the fandom with its light, easy, unpretentious young romance, sprinkled with some excellent dialogue and charming banter that will make you laugh out loud at their sass, plus a sweet and delightful mix of curious, inexperienced but extremely insightful and lovable characters. I’m so happy I found this fic and that I got to write a rec for it! Thank you E for sharing this beauty and so many other fantastic stories with us - I’m delighted to share this space with you and can’t wait to see what comes next 💜

Read on AO3

[dnbcoded]

HELLO FELLOW DNB SHIPPER MAY I SUGGEST AN IDEA?

King Technoblade and Anarchist revolutionist Dream, are you picking up what i am putting down??

- 🧋🛼

ANON I SEE YOU... I was thinking a lot about this prompt, hence, little drabble. I actually think cTechnoblade would be the most anti-monarchy/autocracy king to ever exist, and it would amuse/confuse cDream, so this has a lot of potential to be fun.

Dream was starting to discover he was less of a prisoner and more of a… undomesticated pet, for the castle staff.

He was followed by the guards, sure, and any attempt of escaping was stopped before it even began. Technoblade’s staff was not only well trained, but truly cared about him, so he wasn’t allowed to get close to him nor leave the castle. 

However, aside from general disruption of peace —such as attempting to get rid of Technoblade, again— he was pretty much allowed anywhere and to do anything. If he wanted to eat, he could help himself in the kitchen or get a full meal by simply requesting. He was allowed to train with the guards, and talk to them freely, even though most of them just ignored any plea of being let go, and aside from that he wasn’t quite interested in them. He was let in the library to spend the afternoons he had to waste reading and writing letters. Hell, he was even allowed to send the letters. It’s like everyone had forgotten he was an actual leader of the anarchist movement in the country, that stood against everything the castle had built. 

It surprised him. But, mostly, it irked him to not be taken seriously. The wonders of being treated like a pest, at best, lasted for a week, and after that he took to hiding himself in his ‘room’ (a cell filled with pillows and carpets, more like), and wait out his sentence until he was liberated by his allies of Technoblade himself deemed him useless and tried to cull him. 

Anyway. 

— 

“I want you to explain your ideas to me,” Technoblade said, sitting in front of him with paper and a quill ready to write, a pair of thin glasses on the edge of his nose. “The ones about community management.”

“Excuse me?” Dream blinked, shocked into politeness. 

“In your speech, you mentioned ‘the people should get a hold of not only the means of production but also the distribution of punishment, thus, the power should belong to the people’. I am interested in how you arrived at this conclusion.” 

There is a silence where Dream doesn’t even know where to start.

“... Karl Marx?” He whispers at last. “I mean, I dunno, I think.” 

Technoblde raises his eyebrows. “Are you insulting my intelligence? Of course I’ve read him, they’re fine authors with even more enticing theories. But that’s all they are: theories. I want to know how you plan to introduce them into practice.” 

Dream considers this opportunity. In all of his life, he’s been told by others that at best he’s an idealist, at worst he’s a child without real purpose. And here’s the king of their country, holding him prisoner with no regard for his own safety —while Dream doesn’t think he’s stupid enough to confront him without a weapon, Technoblade is armorless—, and a genuine intent to learn. From Dream. He suddenly feels misplaced warmth. The only question left is—

“Why?” Technoblade as a ruler has no need to listen to his people. Historically, no ruler has had to worry outside of keeping a general sense of stability so that the people don’t starve and, thus, revolt. But Technoblade’s kingdom wasn’t gearing towards a violent takeover feed by starvation; the reason Dream was gathering both scholars and farmers alike was because he knew the aristocracy wouldn’t listen, and he wanted to step ahead from all their neighboring countries into establishing a democracy. Technoblade’s support could mean everything. 

“I haven’t been born into this kingdom as much as I was entrusted with it,” Technoblade says, a little sheepishly, to Dream’s surprise. “I don’t enjoy the autocracy, the lack of counsel. From where I come from, all decisions are given to a certain group of people that, while still privileged, have the town’s best interest in consideration. I would like to establish something similar in this country, but given the sheer amount of people to consider, not even mentioning the nobility that I’m sure wouldn’t be as kind to your folks as I am, I wanted to transition into what the people would like, rather than completely changing the rules overnight and risking an occupation. Am I clear?” 

Dream is still a prisoner, and despite Technoblade’s words, he’s distrusting of anyone that was brought up in a golden crate. However, this might just be his chance to do a less-murderous coup, if it ends up working up. Besides, he doubts his team is getting through the guards soon. He has time to kill. 

“Well.” Dream stars, tasting hubris in his lips and he licks them. He feels Technoblade’s vacant glare turn pointed, precise. “Since I was a kid, my father taught me that chores are better done in pairs.”