#i haven’t cut my hair myself since i think 2018 so i’m like nervous about it

[creaturebehavior]

trimmed my hair again

added more layers and again, it looks better than it did last time

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 46

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44 || CHAPTER 45

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his -4.3k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE

- notes: super nervous, only one last filler chapter and then the conclusion of the story (in 3 chapters). im stressed lol! if youre still here after all this time, I LOVE YOU!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : here arethe 2 requests i used! THANK YOU SO MUCH! (sorry its not really surprise birthday sex? but its a surprise... and its birthday sex lol!)

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 46 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

September 13th, 2018

"Are you sure you want to go out tonight?" my boyfriend asked as I tried to do something with my hair. "It's my only day off, I have a show tomorrow, I shouldn't be up too late."

"Of course I'm sure!" I argued with a frown, staring at him back from the mirror's reflection. "It's your birthday, you deserve a least a few pints. Besides, since when are you so reasonable?"

I bent closer to the mirror to put on lipstick and he appeared next to me, making me smile immediately. We had been through so much together, and I couldn't pretend the past few years haven't felt like roller coasters, but at the same time, my life would be so different without him. Obviously, we could have just stayed best friends, and perhaps, right now I would be dating someone I never even met, but no matter who it would have been, I knew it wouldn't have been my soulmate. Because my soulmate was staring right back at me through that mirror and everything made sense when he was near.

"I would be perfectly fine with you and I, staying here all night, completely naked, and calling room service." he pointed out, slipping his arms around me from behind and kissing my neck.

I felt a shiver run up my spine and my lips curled again.

"Oh you mean a day that ends with a 'Y'?" I half-joked as we both chuckled. "Seriously, when did you become an old man?"

He pulled away slightly to look at me and I turned my head, my eyes finding his. He was frowning with a smile and it made me smile too.

"Have we met?" he asked, raising his eyebrows before letting go of me with one of his arms and extending his hand to me. "Niall Horan, the oldest soul you'll ever meet. Nice to meet you, beautiful."

I laughed a bit and turned his way, cupping his face and running my thumbs on his cheeks. "Nice to meet you, Niall Horan. I'm Olivia Fontaine, your soulmate."

He moved closer and his lips curled into a fond smile. "Oh I know." he whispered before pressed his lips against mine.

I felt something stir in my chest and he deepened the kiss, making me whimper low in his mouth. "Niall..."

"Mm, how about we get naked for half an hour before we actually get a few pints?"

I chuckled against his mouth and shook my head, my lips still attached to his. "Mm, no, or else we'll just stay in this hotel room all night, and you know it."

He groaned and I chuckled again, taking a step back.

"Come on, let me get my dick wet, pet."

My eyes got bigger and my jaw dropped before I chuckled. "No! We're going out!"

He sighed with a smile and finally shrugged, giving in. "Fine, darling."

I hurried to get ready so he wouldn't change his mind again and we decided to take a cab to make sure we could both drink. I was a bit nervous and I kept looking at my watch and when we got there, he paid and I got out of the taxi before he grabbed my wrist gently.

"Hey, are you okay?" his tone was soft and I could hear concern in his voice. It made me tilt my head and smile.

"I'm okay, don't worry."

Without thinking, I grabbed his hand and pulled him inside as my eyes roamed around. My lips curled when my eyes found Louis and I suddenly felt relieved. He was smiling so I was probably not too late. I noticed everyone getting up and heard my boyfriend curse next to me but he didn't have time to say anything. They all started yelling a loud "SURPRISE!" as they raised their drinks up. I let my head fall back on my shoulders with a sigh and chuckled as all the anxiety left my body.

"Fucking finally!" I let out, squeezing my boyfriend's hand before letting him go as he laughed and thanked everyone, shaking hands and kissing cheeks.

I let myself fall next to Louis who just laughed and when I turned to him, he was looking at me with amused eyes.

"What, love?"

"It was not easy, he kept saying he wanted to stay home and fuck!" I argued, shaking my head a bit. "I'm not built to resist a good fuck from someone so sexy!"

"You need to tell your cute little cunt that it needs a break from time to time."

I laughed and hit his arm, making him laugh too. "Don't talk about my intimate body parts, please."

"Your genitals are no secret for me, my queen." he laughed again, making me grimace and groan low.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that." I mumbled before I felt a hand on top of mine.

"Me too." my boyfriend replied as I raised my nose up.

"Neil, your girlfriend was just telling me that you're sexually obsessed with her."

"LOUIS!" I let out as I heard my boyfriend start laughing.

"It's okay though," Louis added, ignoring me. "She added that she's just as obsessed with you anyway."

They both laughed and I rolled my eyes with a small smile. They started chatting and catching up and after a while, Niall got up to go talk with Julia. I leaned my chin on the palm of my hand, holding myself with my elbow on the table, and I just stared shamelessly at Niall who was now laughing with his friend, bringing his arm around her shoulders and pulling her closer to kiss the top of her head. I was not even jealous. If I had seen that two years ago, I would probably have cried, but at this exact moment, with Niall's friends around the table all gathered together for his birthday, I realized that all of this was real, and it was meant to last. It was totally different than the first time. I trusted him now, and it was easy to trust him because he had changed, and so did I. He had proved to me that he really sincerely loved me and I was pretty sure I had proved that I wouldn't throw tantrums at him the way I used to. I remember thinking it was not easy to date Niall, and perhaps I even told him at some point but now? Now it was easy and it felt natural. It was meant to be.

"I'm happy that you're happy." I heard Louis whisper near my ear. "No one deserves it more than you."

I turned to look in his eyes, my chin still leaned against my hand. "I know someone who does. You."

After a few hours, everyone was getting drunk and when Niall sat back next to me, he leaned his arm on the back of my chair and moved closer. My lips curled more and I bit my bottom lip as I felt the warmth of his body emanate on mine.

"I still want you, you know." he let out probably a bit louder than he intended.

"Yea?" I asked, turning my head slightly to look at him with an amused smile.

"Mmhm, but we've already had sex in a bar." he pointed out with a cute grimace.

"Nee, we've had sex almost everywhere." I explained with a chuckle as he smirked at me.

"Nop, we never had sex on top of a table." he said but cut me as I opened my mouth to argue. "In a bar, I mean."

"And it's not gonna happen."

He leaned closer and brushed his lips against my jaw and down my neck as his hand reached for my thigh. My heart skipped a beat and I held my breath as my eyes fluttered. No one else had that effect on me. Even when we were kids, I'd feel all warm inside whenever he'd touch me. It's just some sort of connection I couldn't explain, like his skin against mine created an electric reaction that made me euphoric. It was not only sexual, it was way more than that, way deeper, and way more meaningful.

"You know everyone would fucking enjoy the show, right?"

I chuckled again. "That would scar them for life! Remember when Louis caught us having sex while we were camping?"

Niall groaned, leaving a few kisses under my ear. "Louis is weak."

I chuckled and turned my head enough to reach his mouth with mine. "Too bad we didn't drive here and that we don't have a car, we could just get in to fuck and come back."

He pulled away and stared in my eyes a few seconds before the left corner of his lips moved up. I raised my eyebrows, wondering what he was thinking about and when he talked, it took me a few seconds to realize he was not talking to me, even if he was still staring right in my eyes.

"Give me the keys to your car, Louis."

"What?"

"Mm, Niall, they all took a flight to get here, no one has a car." I pointed out, a bit distracted by how pretty he was.

This time, he looked away from me, probably to look at my best friend, but all I could focus on was the vein in his neck popping up. It made me want to run my tongue on it, and maybe nibble on his skin, too.

"I'm serious, Tommo." he insisted. "It's my birthday, let me borrow your car for twenty minutes."

I had no idea how long it took for Louis to agree but when Niall turned back to me with a bigger smirk, it made my inner thighs start throbbing. He bent closer, his lips almost touching mine, and I held my breath.

"Join me in five minutes."

He got up quickly and as soon as he left, I felt Louis grab my arm gently. "Please, take care okay? I rented this car, I don't want any trouble."

"Are you spending some time here?" I just asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Yea, El is supposed to join me tomorrow."

I licked my lips and laughed a little. "And you say I'm obsessed with my boyfriend? Look at you!"

He chuckled too and shook his head. "Yea well, I won't deny it." he replied with a smile. "You should go, your boyfriend is waiting for you."

I smiled back and jumped on my feet, almost running to the front door. I was a bit tipsy and not very subtle but when I saw Niall leaning against a black car, I tilted my head and stopped a few feet away from him.

"Come on, petal." he said with a quick head movement. "That's what you get for not letting me get my dick wet earlier."

I laughed more and took a few steps his way, getting slowly closer to him. He moved slightly away from the car and looked down at me. We were very close to each other but we didn't touch and I licked my lips, tilting my chin up.

"It's your birthday. Tell me what you want."

It only took half a second for his lips to curl into a smirk and he raised his eyebrows at me, his gaze never leaving mine. I could feel my whole body throb in anticipation but all I really wanted was to please him.

"I want you to ride me. Just you, moving on top of me, your tits in my face, and my dick balls deep inside your cunt."

"That... can be arranged."

Quickly, he opened the door and sat behind the wheel and i rushed on the other side of the car to sit on the passengers seat. Niall started the car and it made me frown but I decided to focus on taking off my pants and panties, leaving them on the floor and finally smiled when I realized he went to park a little further.

"You're not supposed to drive." I pointed out, leaning near him to work on his pants. "Take the keys off and lean the seat a bit.”

He did as I asked and I tried to get on top of him to straddle him, hitting my head on the roof and making him laugh. It took me longer than I thought to actually sit on him and when I did, he was smiling at me, clearly amused. His hands reached for my thighs and I felt his thumbs brush gently on my skin.

"You're fucking adorable, you know that, right?"

I raised my nose up, slightly annoyed, and shrugged. "I don't want to be adorable right now, I want to make you hard."

"Come on, petal. Watching you do everything you can to make my birthday perfect is adorable. You being all clumsy is cute. And the fact that you're actually wetting my thighs right now is hot. They're not mutually exclusive." he explained, his palms running up my thighs. "You make me hard, petal. But I'm also drowning in all the love I have for you. Is that wrong?"

My traits softened and despite myself, I sighed and tilted my head, shaking it lightly. "No, of course not." I admitted in a whisper. "In fact, it's perfect."

"Mm, just like that little cunt of yours." he groaned, moving one of his hands between my legs and pressing his thumb on my clit. I stiffened and whimpered low, making him smile. "Come on, love. Take your shirt off."

I did as he asked and he brought his free hand on one of my breasts, kissing the parts he could see right up my bra as his thumb kept rubbing slowly and gently between my legs. I looked down, trying to see his lips brushing on me and sucking and biting on my skin, leaving tiny red marks. One of my hands moved to his head, my fingers slipping in his hair, and the other moved one of my bra straps down. He did the same with the other, exposing my breasts to him and his mouth found one of my nipples immediately. Instinctively, I ground down against him and my eyes fluttered close.

"Is that really what you want?" I asked in a breath. "A slow fuck outside in a car?"

"Mm no." he confessed, both his hands moving around me to unclasp my bra. "We have about 10 minutes."

I laughed a bit and moved on my knees, leaning slightly his way to make sure my head wouldn't hit the top of the car again, and finally sat on his cock. I didn't even have to hold it with my hand. For some reason, my body found his so easily and I couldn't help but think we were just part of a two-piece puzzle. I knew it was stupid, but the image seemed quite right.

"Fuck, I'll never get enough of your cock." I whispered, holding myself on his shoulders.

"I hope not!" he chuckled, his hands quickly reaching for my waist as I felt his fingers press on my skin.

I didn't wait for his instructions, I just started riding him, my hands in his hair, leaning against him, once again scared my head would hit the roof of the car. I heard him groan again as his hands slid to my ass and he gripped both cheeks hard, making me quiver slightly.

"That's exactly what I wanted, pet. You riding me and your tits in my face." he admitted, making me smile and bite my bottom lip. "Perfect birthday gift."

I felt his lips brush on my breasts and nipples, making them hard and making me whimper more. I started moving quicker over him, my clit rubbing harder on his lower stomach and my grip in his hair getting tighter. I was already so close and by the way he was holding my waist, I knew he was too.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum."

I gripped his hair tighter at his words and moaned loud when I felt his teeth in one of my breasts. My body started shaking over him and he pushed me down hard on his dick, moving his hips up to feel himself as deep as he could. I felt an orgasm invade my whole body, from my head to my toes, and when I came down from my high, Niall wrapped his arms around me and held me against him.

"Mm, best birthday ever."

I laughed and moved slightly away to look at him but his eyes fell on my breasts immediately. "You only say that because you're in your post-orgasm state."

"I say that because it's my birthday and the girl I'm in love with just rode me until I came inside her." he explained, looking up at me as I felt his hands reach for my breasts. "Can't think of a better way to spend my birthday."

I smiled and bent down to kiss him again, enjoying the way his mouth tasted. "I'm in love with you too."

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asked, a bit worried, as his thumb brushed gently on the spot he bit on my breast.

"No, I loved it. It'll be sensitive for a few days, and every time I touch it, It'll remind me of right now."

He smiled against my lips and I did too. At this point, If someone had told me that my life would get even better than it was, I wouldn't have believed it. It was already perfect.

"Good, then how about we try the backseat, now?"

I laughed slightly. "Your friends are going to start wondering where you are."

"Let them."

                                                    ---

We both had a headache when we woke up the next morning but Niall's was definitely worse than mine. He still managed to smile and hug me so I knew it could definitely be worse. We were leaving soon since he had a show in an other state on the same night but stopped in a cafe. Niall groaned a bit when he noticed how long the line was and brought his hand to his forehead, massaging gently his skin as if it would help take the pain away. I tilted my chin up and licked my lips, not really sure he was actually looking at me because of his sunglasses, but his hands reached my waist and I sent him a small smile.

"Would you rather wait outside?" I proposed. "Get some fresh air maybe? I can wait in line, I don't mind."

He shook his head and moved his face down, making my lips curl more. I always liked when he pecked my lips gently and It made me close my eyes.

"No it's okay, I'd rather stay." he whispered. "If only to show you how grateful I am for the birthday sex."

I laughed against his lips and we remained mostly silent until we ordered our coffee. He groaned as we were about to get out and finally sighed.

"I need to go to the bathroom okay? I'll join you outside."

I nodded and took his cup from his hands before to step foot outside. It was a warm day and I just closed my eyes, trying to feel the sun on my face until I heard a familiar sound that immediately made my heart skip a beat.

"Hey, Liv, are you with Niall?"

I felt myself cringe despite myself, knowing some pap had taken a picture of me while I was hungover. They knew I was with my boyfriend, and I was not sure why exactly they insisted on asking but I decided to ignore the question. I also hated how they always used a nickname for me, as if we were close friends. It was definitely uncalled for and made me uncomfortable. I turned around, feeling my heartbeats accelerate, and closed my eyes, hoping Niall was going to come back soon. They kept throwing a bunch of questions at me but the only one I actually clearly heard was:

"How do you feel about that sex tape of you two going around?"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. What was 'going around' online was anything but a sex tape. So yea, you could see us making out for a few seconds and talk... you could see us disappear behind a door and it didn't take much imagination to take a good guess at what we had done right after, but to qualify that as a 'sex tape' was totally eye rolling. I tried turning around again and walk a bit further but one of them moved very close to me and accidentally (i think?) hit my arm, making me almost drop my cup of coffee. I let out a curse word under my breath as some of the brown beverage fell on my shirt but also felt a hand on my waist, making me feel suddenly relaxed.

"Hey man, stay away from her okay?" I heard the guy start arguing but my boyfriend cut him off quickly. "No I'm serious. Give us space, we won't answer your question. Don't try me."

I raised my eyebrows, surprised by the threatening tone Niall had used, and he quickly walked back closer to me, taking his cup from my hand and replacing it with his own hand before squeezing my fingers in his. We walked away quickly and got in a cab in silence. I sighed and leaned my head on the seat after Niall told the driver about the hotel we stayed in and I closed my eyes.

"This is the part that I hate." I admitted after a few minutes.

"The attention?" he asked before I turned my head his way, noticing the small smile playing on his lips.

"Well, yea. I mean, I've never been the kind to enjoy attention... but that specific kind of attention? It's horrible." I admitted, raising my nose up. "Being asked about rumors and gossips while they try to snap the ugliest picture of you they can just so they can sell it for a few pounds. There's nothing good about that kind of attention."

"Can't disagree with you." my boyfriend let out after a sigh. "Don't let them get to you though, it's not worth it."

We quickly walked back to the hotel and started packing again. We moved easily around the hotel room, like a well-rehearsed choreography, and I loved that. I was clumsy, that was true, but with Niall, everything seemed to come so naturally. Even if the rooms we stayed in were different, we still managed to complete specific tasks easily and without stepping on each other's feet, and after only half an hour, our bags were waiting by the door, as usual.

I sat on the bed, knowing we had about 15 minutes free before we left, and after a while, Niall sat next to me. It took him a few seconds to reach for my hand and when I looked up in his eyes, my lips curled a bit. He wasn't wearing his sunglasses anymore. Instead, he had put his black baseball cap on and I could see his eyes. Blue with a tint of yellow...

"The tour is almost over." he whispered in a soft tone. "Then we can go back home... wherever 'home' is for you. If you want to go back to England, then I'm good with that, too. If you want to spend some time in Ireland it's cool too. Just tell me so I can book a hotel room. We're not staying at my mom's again."

I chuckled and shook my head, making him smile too.

"I'm sorry. I'm exhausted and I'm not even the one that spends hours on stage every other night. Can't imagine how you feel."

"I'm used to it." he just said with a shrug. "I mean, if you need to go back to LA for your tv show, I understand too."

"Mm, no. I need to write the next season anyway before we can film anything so there's no rush." I explained, looking down at his hand holding mine. "Besides, I think I'd like to try writing a book or something."

It was the very first time I admitted that out loud but I thought it was obvious. After all, that tv show started off with chapters of a story that I posted every week on my dad's web site. I was not sure how it had turned into a tv show but the first idea I had had was definitely a book.

"A book about what?"

I looked back up in his eyes and let out a laugh at his facial expression. I could understand why it was scaring him, but I had already written about our story, there was no reason for me to write some more in a book. Maybe he was just scared that people would think it's about us, no matter what it was really about, but I just shrugged. I didn't really care what anyone thought. Well, except Niall.

"Ghosts. Or, robots. Or vampires." I pointed out, making him chuckle. "Nothing that has to do with you and me."

"Or superheroes, perhaps?" he proposed with a smirk, his eyebrows raised.

"Maybe, who knows?"

We stared at each other for a few seconds and I saw him swallow hard. It made me frown slightly and I could swear he was about to tell me something serious, something really important... but he just smiled more and bent down to kiss me hard.

"Come on, we need to go or we'll be late."

[marvelouss-marvel]

Feelings | T.H.

Summary: Tom and Melina have feelings for one another but are lost in expressing this through words. Do actions actually speak louder than words?

Pairing: Tom Holland x OC (who’s black, so you’re welcome ladies)

Word count: 2.3k

A/N: I meant to finish this yesterday but got tied up yesterday with schoolwork. So, I apologize. This is a contribution to the Quarantine Writing Challenge created by @chaneajoyyy​ and @shaekingshitup. Thank you for adding me to my very first writing challenge. Also, I recommend you listen to “Feelings” by Lauv; it’s a masterpiece and the inspiration for this fic.

Is my love too much? Or is it just enough for you, for you? 'Cause it's getting late, would you like to stay? Ah 'Cause I'm bad at reading signs

All evening, Tom had been sneaking glances Melina. The tempered glass on her prevented him from viewing her observations but he knew it had to be either Tumblr or Twitter; both platforms had a tendency of stretching her lips to form that soft smile of hers he’d grown to adore over the last few months. On top of that, she would hold her phone up to his face once in a while to grant Tom the chance of witnessing what made her snort.

Although secretly watching her was simple, Tom found it difficult to prevent his thoughts from skedaddling all over the place like ants running from human feet. He was attempting to gather the courage in revealing his true feelings to her but a second of his mouth opening effected the various “what if” scenarios he created.

His ringtone for Harrison went off, pulling the two best friends out of their silent world. Tom reached for his phone on the small coffee table but paused his actions once he noticed the time. “Uh, Mel?”

“Hmm…?” she hummed. She was quick to retreat back into her personal bubble.

“You do realize it’s 2 in the morning, right?” Tom continued.

“W—” Melina paused her video on Twitter to pull the control center down on her phone. “Crap! I gotta go!” She stood from the couch to begin gathering her scattered belongings.

She was right that she needed to leave… but Tom didn’t want that. Sure, they hardly spoke to one another for the rest of the night after watching the 2-hour long Netflix film but he wanted her company a bit longer. In addition to that, it was too early in the morning for him to be questioning her whereabouts.

A lightbulb went off in his head but it was the idea itself that rapidly pumped the blood to his heart. “You know… you can stay the night?”

Melina scoffed. “Tom, no. We’re not having this discussion.”

“Um, yeah we are. It’s late Mel. And I don’t want you out.”

“I know how you feel, dad, but I’ll be fine. I’m a big girl.” She slightly rotated her head to wink his way. The irony of her statement was that she was petite for her age. Most of their friends were five-foot-five and above while Melina was often mistaken for an elementary student trying to fit in with the “big kids.”

Tom shook his head, even though she couldn’t see him. “Melina, no. Stay the night.”

“And miss the comfort of my bed? I don’t think so but thank you for the offer Tommy.”

Before Tom knew it, he was taking long strides to the front door and snatching her leather coat off the coat rack before her arm could reach out. Melina only raised one of her perfectly shaped brows she managed to do on her own in response.

“Okay?” she voiced. “What’re you doing?”

In that moment, Tom realized how much of a freak he perceived himself to be. He resembled a robot by shoving the item in her direction for her to take. “Um, I think it’s too late. And, I was wondering if you wanted to stay the night? It’s just I worry about you as your friend this time of the day.”

It took her a moment to respond but once she finally gave him his answer, he subtly released a breath he didn’t remember inhaling.

“You know, if you asked like that in the beginning, I would’ve said yes.” Melina smirked as she slid off her shoes. “You’re weird sometimes.” She left him by himself, claiming she needed to use the restroom.

But I, I wanna do whatever you wanna do If you wanted to, girl, we could cross that line

Even after two years of living in London, Melina continued to struggle in socializing. If she wasn’t lounging around in Tom’s apartment, the best friends were at the hottest club with their group of friends. No bad blood existed between her and the others; it was just the environment they chose to reside in for the evening.

Tom always noticed this quiet side of her. How she seemed to shrink in posture with slumped shoulders, even though she was gorgeous in her club attire. How she practiced her nervous habit of fiddling with her hands when it wasn’t her to turn to talk yet. How she sidled up against Tom every chance she got if people (mainly men) needed to squeeze by in reaching their destination. To tell you the truth, Tom found these adorable and made it a mission to protect her every time they went out.

The group had split a few minutes prior with Melina and Tom making their way to the bar. After constant begging, Melina hit the dance floor. Tom and the others cheered her on for three songs until she grew tired and yearned for some water. Like the unspoken bodyguard he was, Tom followed her.

“That was fun.” She began. “I haven’t danced like that since my family reunion.” She flagged the bartender down with a raised palm. “Excuse me, can I get some water?”

The woman behind the counter nodded with a smile and proceeded to fix the drink. Melina didn’t hesitate to grasp the foggy, clear glass and chug a large amount of the cold liquid down her throat.

Tom chuckled. “And when was that?”

He watched her chocolate eyes shift to stare at the ceiling in deep thought. “Like July? Of 2018?”

“Aren’t those every year?” he wondered. Last time he remembers having this discussion with Melina, she stated her family met up in the middle of July at one of the local parks every year.

“Yeah but, my parents didn’t go last year and don’t plan on going again this year. I gotta ask my mom again w—”

The sudden pause in the short story encouraged Tom to look up from the bar and into Melina’s eyes. Only, she was looking beyond him with an expression representing discomfort.

“That guy’s been eying me all night. I don’t like it.” she disclosed.

Tom swiveled around in his seat to find the man she was talking to. His eyes were able to pinpoint the stranger instantly searching for another area in sight to claim for straing. “Oh yeah?”

“Mmhm.” Melina affirmed with a nod of her head. She gazed at the back of her best friends head, praying he wasn’t thinking about making a scene. That’s the last thing she wanted for him. “Hey Tom?”

“Yeah Love?” His eyes were back on her, softer than before when he reversed the role of eying the creeper.

Melina only pursed her lips in embarrassment. After the first club incident where an intoxicated man approached Melina and Tom stepped in to play the role of a protective boyfriend, it had become an unannounced habit to cozy up with one another to ward off the eyes of complete strangers. Still, Melina was anxious in requesting his form of rescuing.

“Come here, Darling.” Tom urged. One of his arms wrapped itself around her waist to twist her body so her back faced him. That same arm also maneuvered her to sit on his lap like a child posing with Santa Claus for a picture.

At this point in their friendship, Melina considered Tom to be her second home. Her immediate family lived thousands of miles away, calling her when they could on Whatsapp and bringing a smile to her face. Tom provided her the same form of comfort just about every day now that her life was here in London.

Realizing this, Melina rested her back against his chest as if he were a pillow. This was temporary but, she couldn’t help but want a little more.

But I feel 'em in my chest A tiny war within But when I pull you closer Girl, I can't explain

Two months had passed but that didn’t stop the two from growing closer in physical contact. Behind closed doors, Tom did more of pulling her into his side when sitting on the couch and for some odd but cute reason, Melina felt the need to straddle his lap when presenting exciting news.

Today was Melina’s hair day and she needed help taking out the box braids she had installed over a month ago. If she took the braids out herself, it would’ve taken longer due to how exhausted she was again from another rough week at work. So, Tom was her next option.

“Sorry if I ripped you away from any plans you had.” She apologized for the fourth time that day.

Tom scoffed. “Darling, how many times do I have to tell you to stop apologizing? I’m currently on break from work and trust me, I’d rather be here than at my place by myself. Haz went out with the crew and I wasn’t up for that today.” He explained. “Besides, I’d rather be here with you.”

A tiny smile sufficed, which didn’t match the beating of her heart that suddenly felt as if it was trying to crawl out of her chest.

“Putting these in looks hard but taking them out? Different story.” Tom commented.

“You’re telling me. Which is why I have other people do it for me. I knew a girl who installed similar braids herself but… it didn’t really come out right in the back. I think it was her first time.”

“Reminds me of the first time Harry tried giving himself a trim.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. We ended up giving him a decent buzz cut.”

Her giggle had now become music to Tom’s ears. Whether it be her speaking, crying, or laughing, Tom wanted to record her voice and carry it with him for his travels away from home.

Home. She was now home to him. But how could he reveal that truth to her when his feelings ran deep and he didn’t want to ruin what they had?

He continued to remove her braids in tranquil silence while Melina pulled out her iPad to play a few levels of Homescapes. The further he moved up her head, the more Melina relaxed against his torso by slouching.

The close form of contact affected the temperature of his armpits. Tom was currently stuck on the level of Friendzoning where physical contact with Melina affected how his body responded to her touches. From sweaty armpits to a beating heart, Tom felt powerless in controlling his reactions. And it didn’t help that her head rested above his heart.

It was six-thirty when Tom was pulling the last braid from Melina’s natural hair. She was just shutting her eyes at this point with her iPad turned off and cradled under arms like a student on her way to class. Slumberland grasped her conscious mind once Tom’s fingers began massaging her scalp. Sure, it was dirty but it was necessary her head receive a good kneading from someone aside from herself.

“Feel good, Love?” he whispered.

She hummed in satisfaction. “I need this.”

And I know, and I know that it's on your mind That it's on your mind when I kiss you But I wanna do whatever you wanna do

“I like you. A lot.” Tom panted.

It was the first thing he blurted to Melina as soon as she opened the door to her apartment. He looked as if he’d ran the whole way with his disheveled hair, slightly wet face, and drenched-in-sweat T-shirt he the threw on.

“What?” Melina whispered. Her heart and mind were hoping he meant what he meant.

“I like you a lot. And I mean that as in I have a major crush on you. I have for a while.” He elaborated in between breaths.

Melina ushered him in with a wave of her hand. “Come in, Tommy.”

He stepped over the threshold into the warmth of her apartment. His nose immediately picked up the scent of seasoning for her famous enchilada’s. The ceiling lights were dimmed to create a relaxing vibe. Behind her living space, the tiny dining table was blanketed with a cream table cloth and a vase of flowers stood in the middle of it.

“I just had a good day today, that’s all. I wanted to give myself a bit of a celebration.” She weakly explained. This moment in particular was something she anticipated for the longest but not in the manner of her appearing to set up for a date that wasn’t with Tom. “Um, so you like me?”

“Yeah, I do.” He moved his eyes away from the setting to fully look at her. Her digits were fiddling with one another again and her eyes landed on the space between their feet. Tom rested his hand over hers to lace their fingers. “I just think you’re… beautiful inside and out. You make me happy every time I’m around and… and I just wanted you to know.” He braced himself for the next part. “But, if you don’t feel the same that’s totally fine.”

She chuckled. “Why wouldn’t I feel the same?”

He knew what she was doing. Things could get awkward when Tom had these truthful moments with people. She wanted to ease his feelings through jokes. “Darling, c—”

“I’m being serious. Why wouldn’t I feel the same about you, Tom? You’re everything I like in a guy. Fine as hell, sweet, funny, and all in all: a gentleman.”

They were holding direct eye contact now, a smirk resting on Melina’s lips. She was the one who eventually leaned in connect their lips. Eyes closed, Tom’s arm snaked itself around her waist to pull her closer while both of Melina’s arms wrapped around his neck.

He moved away first, resting his forehead against hers. “Is there room for one more person for your celebratory dinner.”

“There’s always room for one when I’m having a good day.” She giggled as he leaned down to peck her lips again.

[bespectacledbun]

What is in Arthur, Sasuke, Mousse, and Charles that you super love about them?

GASPPPP I LOVE THIS ASK SO MUCH OMG 💕💕💕 it’s gonna be a long post so I’m putting it under the cut sjdjfkg 

if you don’t want eng/jp spoilers for any of the guys, please don’t read!! that is my warning for this post, so if you decide to click anyway and then complain I put spoilers, I will laugh in your face ✌🏽😚

Sasuke – where do I even begin with this boy??? He’s caught my eye since day fucking one of ikesen when I downloaded it and I was so??? excited??? because 1) holy SHIT we get a meme-y best friend and 2) he’s?? a ninja??? and  I got into this game when I was 16 and I was like THIS IS THE ONE I WANT HIM. I’ll admit, the first thing I liked about his character was that he wore glasses (gotta stay on brand yo) but when we got to see more content of Sasuke in the other routes and in the events I just…slowly fell in love with him and all his quirks. The way he could reference memes with such a straight face. His enthusiasm for history and the warlords. The ninja jokes. The way he couldn’t wink. The more stories he featured in, the more I started loving him (@under-sengoku-skies knows how much I’ve rambled about Sasuke in our dms)

The first story event he featured in, Lord vs Vassal, his story side was him taking the MC on a stargazing date and they saw shooting stars from Azuchi’s roof and I just… The way I felt reading that is indescribable. As a history nerd and space geek myself, I loved his jokes, and the way he thought that his and MC’s meeting was designed by fate is just. I couldn’t help but fall in love with that, y’know? The idea that this man of science is such a romantic that he believed his meeting with MC wasn’t just a chance encounter, but it was arranged by destiny… I can’t think of anything right now except cute hdgahshfg.

And then when we got his route and I found out that he’s been waiting for FOUR YEARS and training all that time just to protect the MC it was like,,, the last piece of the puzzle clicked in. To wait all that time and constantly be there for MC in every single route and to protect her… everything Sasuke does has always been for MC (this is your reminder to go read Sasuke’s route if you haven’t done so already). So tldr, Local Sengoku Ninja is Actually a Romantic and Makes an Excellent Boyfriend

~

Mousse – So when Mousse first got released in…late 2018 iirc, I actually didn’t think much of him at first 😂 it’s funny, because at first all I knew was that he was the Sleeping Dormouse and a diplomat. So I didn’t have much of an opinion outside “oh cool, I wanna see what he looks like” right?? And then cybird dropped his character design and I was like. Shit. He’s actually kind cute?? So I think @ladygacha translated a few of his stories and his introduction story where he’s napping in the Civic Centre was released and I was like fuuuuuuuuuuuck. 

It’s kinda weird to explain but hdgajsd his hair is so fluffy and his general character design was just so appealing to me and then… I heard his voice. From that point on it was basically over for me ajsjdk I was WHIPPED. In 2019 his first birthday story released and he talks about how he fell in love with Alice at first sight and I was just g o n e HE’S REALLY SO CUTE IN HIS INTERACTIONS. It’s like what happened with Sasuke asdjfkajd I’m a sucker for “love at first sight” characters.

So when we got to see him in Zero’s route in English I was !!!! FINALLY I GET TO SEE MY BOI and holy SHIT, it was everything I could have wanted. The way he just called Zero out for not protecting Alice?? I was sold. Just his character and personality in general, the way he’s so passionate about other cultures and countries and the way his love towards Alice is so pure and genuine, it’s adorable, and I’m really excited to see more of him in English ajdfjgjajdf

~

Arthur – strap in because this is prolly gonna be so much longer than the other two ajsjdjfg. So funny thing, I liked Arthur before ikevamp got announced in English–before it was out even in jp, actually. For my 15th birthday, I had gotten a huge volume of Sherlock Holmes novels from my mother, and when I read them I LOVED the stories. I liked Sir Arthur Conan Doyle the mystery writer before I liked Arthur, the ikevamp suitor. So when I found out he was going to be a character I could date, needless to say, I was REALLY excited for his route and ikevamp in general.

To anyone who’s read Arthur’s route, remember the chapter where Theo explains that Arthur is scared of getting close to people because he’s afraid they’ll leave??? Yeah. That chapter was the biggest fucking callout for me because I’m a little like that too. I’ve always been afraid of being left so when I read that, I was like ‘oh shit, this hits too close to home for me’. I know the popular fandom portrayal is this fuckboi who just sleeps around and has -10 braincells, but there’s actually so much more to him than that, which is what made me fall for him in the first place. 

I’ll be honest, I was really disappointed with the first few chapter of his route because I knew that it wouldn’t go over well and. Well. I really wish that we didn’t have to have such a scene in the first place, but sadly I’m not the story writer for ikevamp 😔 I was a bit scared of how he’d be portrayed in the rest of the route, mainly because I wanted to like his character a lot. So when his route actually dropped and we got him entertaining children, and his confidence at games, and how his brogue slips out when he’s stressed or nervous–all of that made me feel ‘okay, so this isn’t so bad’. I liked that we also got to see the darker parts of his route and his trauma wasn’t just brushed over for the sake of romance. 

Also, Arthur is… really stupid. Like really stupid. He might be smart most of the times, but when he goes into Panic ModeTM or when his emotions are running high, he becomes rash and impulsive and does the first thing that comes to his head (much like myself, which was a callout I did Not appreciate). Like throwing himself under a knife for MC. Or buying her a music box to see her smile. The first time I got to his confession at the end of his route, and he said he got a note from MC and ran to the portal without even checking to see if it was actually from her I just. stared at my screen. like, How can you be so smart and yet be such an idiot at the same time??? I don’t know. I really don’t. Tl;dr, Arthur is a dumbass but he’s a lonely dumbass with a heart of gold and has some really soft event stories in jp (gap moe, anyone?), so please stan him hdgsjdhfg

~

Charles – Charles has literally only been out for a max of 4 months and yet, if anything happened to him I would shoot everyone in ikevamp and then myself. The funny thing is, NOBODY thought I would fall for Charles at first. Last December when they were releasing character designs for the new characters in ikevamp jp, all my friends tagged me for Faust because everyone, including me, thought I’d fall for the megane character. Then Charles waltzed in and wrecked my home and hearth and I was done for. 

Like Sasuke and Mousse, he’s one of those “love at first sight” characters, and in his first story he calls the MC cute and they go shopping together and I just *flails around* he’s so cute??? His character profile also says he’s starved for love and I just,,, in real life I would never stay with that kind of person but since he’s a fictional character, I can’t help but just want to stay with him Q_Q My friends like to tease me by saying all the guys I like have a sort of “puppy” personality ahshdjfg wheezes 

~

And that’s all of them!! If you came here expecting a coherent explanation, you’re asking the wrong guy my bro ajshdjf but please talk to me more about these boys I would gladly talk to anyone in my inbox 💖💖💖💖

[the-greatest-tumbleweed]

Well, I did it. Here’s the Rivers of London, Nightingale Is A Goose AU. It’s the 20s, things are getting weird again.

Quick disclaimer: this is a mashup of the story of Thomas Nightingale, the fictional RoL character, and Thomas the Blind Bisexual Goose, a real goose that lived in New Zealand and died in 2018. It is based on a previous post I made literally just being like “there was a bisexual goose named Thomas and I feel like that has fic potential”; I originally tried to post this on there, but the cut kept disappearing so here we are. I have taken a few artistic liberties; the start is based mostly on Nightingale’s life, the latter part of the story almost entirely on the actual goose. I changed the names of Henry and Henrietta the black swans to Peter and Beverly. I also needed to make a goose equivalent of WW2, but please don’t think that it is in any way meant to make light of the actual, human WW2; it isn’t, I just needed it for the story. Final point: this is an absurd concept and therefore an absurd story, which I wrote quickly while procrastinating my schoolwork. Don’t expect it to be anything it’s not.

The Untitled Nightingale Game

Thomas was born in Waikinae, around the turn of the decade – the decade being 1980. He would be known for many things over the course of his abnormally long life: he was a soldier, a leader, a lover, and a doting father. Among humans, he was a legend. But most importantly, he was a goose.

Thomas grew up with the other big, white geese of Waimanu Lagoon, and had a relatively uneventful childhood. He made some trouble, as one does when one is a young goose.

One sunny morning, a young human couple took a stroll by the lake. Thomas and his friend, Rupert, sidled up to the couple together, and just as the young man was fiddling with a diamond ring, they honked in perfect unison. The young man dropped the ring, and the couple spent a good long while looking for it in the grass.

Another, cloudier day, he and Horace covered themselves in mud and jumped out at a group of children, hissing and honking and flapping about. The children ran away, screaming. Thomas and Horace were delighted.

The fun stopped when a man with dark hair and angry eyes came to their lake. The older geese said he had been there before, but Thomas had been young then. The man’s name was William, and he collected eggs. William would visit the lake, sneaking about, and he would steal any egg he came across. The first time he came, William took a whole generation of goose eggs for his collection, and a whole generation of duck eggs, and a great many water bird families lost eggs to him as well.

The second time he came, he began to steal eggs again. He came in with his big green wader boots, early in the mornings, and took whatever he found. It was devastating. It was infuriating. It was known in the goose community the second William War.

One day, the geese and ducks and other fowl came together, and the elders said they must form a front, they must fight back. Thomas led the charge. He would hide in the rushes and jump out at humans if they got too close – after all, you never knew which of them would turn out to be William. He would hiss and nip at their ankles when they stomped around the nesting area.

The elders sent along a group of young ducks to help him; they would quack angrily as he hissed, and were brave enough follow him into any confrontation.

One day, an old man got startled by them, and kicked one of the ducks as hard as he could. From then on, Thomas fought twice as hard, and made sure he was the first in line whenever a human was involved. Nobody was allowed to hurt his ducklings.

Over time, the humans got a little nervous around Thomas, and started to recognise him among other geese. They called him The Goose, and told their children to watch out for him.

It was several months before they achieved their final goal: William was sneaking about in the rushes, looking for eggs to steal, when Thomas jumped out at him and honked. William was startled, and fell into the water with an enormous splash. Another human heard the splash, and came running, and saw that William was holding a bag full of eggs.

“Hey! Are you nicking their eggs!?” shouted the other human, and that was the end of that.

After William had been dealt with, the elders suggested they try and steal back their eggs.

“They’ll already be damaged, surely it isn’t worth the danger?” asked Thomas, but the elders insisted, and so he lead his ducklings in through the window that William had been seen in. They were noticed, and they got in trouble, and some of the ducklings were caught and taken away by the humans. Thomas never forgave himself.

For many years after that defeat, Thomas was sad. He felt guilty about the pain he had lead his ducklings into, and he missed the friends that were no longer with him. He grew apart from the other geese, segregated himself from the group, and took to wondering about, alone, lost in his thoughts. His only friend was a nightingale named Molly, who would sing to him on occasion, and cheer him up a little.

One chilly winter evening, Thomas was out for a lonely walk by the lake, when he came across a swan. He was a black swan, and he was young, and beautiful, and looked at the world with a curiosity Thomas had long forgotten.

Thomas waddled over to the black swan.

“Hello, what are you up to?” he asked the swan.

“I’m ghost hunting,” replied the swan, jokingly.

“Interesting,” said Thomas with a smile, “Any particular ghost?”

“You would do just fine,” said the swan. Ah, this was a cheeky swan.

“What’s your name?” asked Thomas.

“Peter,” said the swan, and smiled at him.

“I’m Thomas,” said Thomas, and smiled back.

The relationships of birds are not as complex as those of humans. Had Thomas and Peter been humans, their courtship may have taken days, months, or years. They may have had enough unromantic conversations to fill a series of novels. They may have never fallen in love. But they were a goose and a swan, so it only took them one conversation.

Thomas and Peter could be seen waddling about together, cleaning each other’s feathers, swimming about in the sun. They became inseparable.

The humans that walked around the area often – the ones making sick birds better and counting the numbers of each species – often wondered when Thomas and Peter would have their first child.

After a while, they became worried one of them was ill, but then one thought to check their sexes, and they all laughed.

“We’ve got a gay goose!” they exclaimed, and for a few years, other humans would come to see Thomas and Peter swanning about. Thomas and Peter quite liked the attention, and so they would happily come and see the humans, giving them a gently honked “hello”, and they became rather popular.

Thomas and Peter lived this blissful, loving life for a wonderful eighteen years, without a hiccup. Thomas made Peter smile, and Peter made Thomas laugh. Thomas told all the funny goose stories, and Peter told all the funny swan stories, and they never tired of them. They reminded each other that the world was a wonderful place.

There came a time, however, when a potential flaw in their relationship became apparent: Thomas had no desire to have any children, lest he should lose them again. Peter had no such worries.

One day, while they were out for a stroll, another black swan sidled up to them. She was glossy and beautiful, and disarmingly charming.

“Hello, I’m Beverley, fancy making some babies?” she asked, because, as established, swans are rather more direct than humans.

Peter and Thomas had a chat about this.

“I quite fancy making myself some babies, to be honest,” Peter confessed.

“Ah, right, of course,” said Thomas, sadly.

And so Peter and Beverley made themselves a batch of cygnets, and were very happy together, for a while.

Thomas was, understandably, rather upset. He returned to his old haunts, moping about in silence. The humans got a little worried about him.

One fine day, Beverley the Swan found him sitting in a puddle, feeling sorry for himself.

“Hi Thomas,” she said cheerfully, “Have a moment?”

“I have a few,” he answered.

“I see you’re moping too,” she said.

“Peter’s moping? That’s unlike him,” said Thomas, worried.

“He misses having you around,” she told him, “And I’d quite like you around, too.”

“But he’s chosen you!” exclaimed Thomas.

“He’s chosen both of us, you silly goose!” she exclaimed back.

She poked him in the side and waddled him over to their nest, and soon the humans could stop worrying again: Thomas, and Peter, and Beverley, and several batches of babies made their home together by the lake. The three adults happily shared their nest, and the cygnets were just as likely to waddle after Thomas as either of their parents.

“There goes Uncle Thomas with his little swans!” the humans would exclaim, and Thomas couldn’t have been happier.

The years went by, and everybody was surprised that Uncle Thomas was still so well.

“You know, sometimes it seems to me that I stopped ageing years ago. In fact, I almost feel as if I’m getting younger. Do I look younger to you?“

Peter laughed at him “I don’t know if you feel younger, but you haven’t changed a bit in all the time I’ve known you!”

“You’re a goose, Thomas,” said Beverley, “You’ve looked the same since you were four, and you’ll look the same when you’re forty.”

And that was the last time they spoke of that.

However, not all of them were immune to the passing of the years. Thomas reached his early thirties, and, indeed, felt as young as in his teens. Peter, on the other hand, began to slow down, and tire faster, and gave Beverly fewer children. Thomas and Beverly both noticed, but there was nothing they could do but enjoy the time they had.

“It’s been a great life, with you two,” Peter told them one day, and then fell asleep between them a final time.

Days passed, the two of them wept, and their last children left the nest.

“I’m not finished, as a mother,” Beverley told him, and wished him well. She flew to another area, where the landscape didn’t hold Peter’s memory, and life went on.

Thomas was sad anew, but a quieter, more mature sadness – the sadness of one who has lost something beautiful, but enjoyed it while it lasted. Alone again, he began to feel the weight of his years. His wings weren’t as strong as they once were, and his eyes began to falter.

He met a younger goose, and loved her, but not as he had loved Peter. They had some goslings – what an odd thing to make children of his own! – but they soon flew away, and he was alone again.

Soon, his sight was so poor he could barely make his way about the lake. The humans noticed and decided that wouldn’t do, so they picked him up and took him to bird sanctuary – though, as a goose, he did not know that it was a bird sanctuary.

“He’s a bit of a mother goose,” the humans told the keepers at the sanctuary, and the keepers listened. When the sanctuary was brought an orphan gosling, they gave it to Thomas, hoping he could look after it. He, quite literally, took it under his wing.

Happy with this successful adoption, the humans brought a few orphaned cygnets to him, as well, and he treated them as he had treated his own little cygnets, years before. More and more little birds were brought to Thomas, and he loved them all, and mothered them and fathered them and, indeed, became good old Uncle Thomas once more.

Thomas grew older, and blinder, and more tired by the day, but still he would walk about the sanctuary with his multitude of children in tow, happy as could be. Sometimes, Beverley would fly to visit him, bringing along children old and new, and the whole extended family would take a gander around the pond.

The day came when a new group joined the sanctuary: the humans came in one morning with a cardboard box of ducklings. They were young and scared, and all alone. The humans put the box where Thomas could hear them quack, and he called them, and they came and found safety and love under his old, feathered wings.

Thomas had his ducklings and he kept them safe, and he cried with joy at his wonderful luck.

Thomas the Goose spent the last of his years at the sanctuary, raising birds of all shapes and sizes. By the time he died – aged 38, which is a ripe old age, for a goose – the humans from both his places of residence reckoned he had adopted at least sixty eight baby birds of various species, mostly swan.

When he did die, happy as a goose could be, the humans wrote about it in their papers. Thomas the blind bisexual goose to be buried beside his male partner of 30 years in the greatest love story told said Pink News, and A tiny coffin, a mayoral eulogy and a bagpipe procession: Thomas the blind, bisexual goose memorialised with touching funeral as he is laid to rest next to his lover, said the Daily Mail.

And indeed, they held a funeral, and laid him to rest with the love of his life, and wondered at the marvels of nature, and when all was quiet and everybody had gone away, a nightingale perched on their tombstone, and sang.

[bbyboybrock--archived]

Serendipity (C.B) | Chapter 16

Summary: Serendipity: (n) the chance occurrence of events in a beneficial way

Popular youtuber Isabella Hart, known as Bella to her audience, bends over backwards to separate her youtube life from her private life. Known for her overall clean content and her bubbly attitude, Isabella has a wild side to her that only those inside the youtube community know about. When Bella meets Colby during one of the trap house parties she finally meets someone she can be her genuine self with. When trouble arises after their meeting, will Bella be able to hand the pressure or will she destroy her relationship with Colby as well as herself in the process. [This starts in 2018]

Written: 2019

Word Count: 2,944

Warnings: swearing

Serendipity Masterlist

I knock on Corey and Devyn's door. I wait a few seconds until Devyn opened the door. She looks around and then looks at me.

"Can we talk in private for a second?" I ask. Devyn and I hang out all the time. I don't know why I'm nervous about talking to her. Maybe it's because Colby doesn't know I'm here yet and I also wanted to surprise him. Devyn lets me in and closes the door behind me.

"What do you need? Help with a prank?" Devyn sits on her bed and pats a spot for me to sit.

"Well, I'm not going to be here long. I just wanted to know if you were going to be busy in 2 weeks? And in two days, but two weeks is more important."

"Oh? I'm free, why?"

"How would you like a makeup job? I have a super-secret project going on and I need a make up artist."

"I mean, I'll definitely need more details but yeah. I'll do it."

"Okay, I can tell you. But you can't tell anyone, not even our boyfriends. Literally, nobody knows except the people who are working on this project."

"My lips are sealed. Now spill!"

"So, basically, after these past few months, I decided that I'm going to go back to the whole social media thing. This time I'm going to actually post things I actually care about and not act online anymore. I've known about this for weeks, that's why I haven't been around lately. I've been meeting with managers and planning content and the new set up of my brand. I even a few more secret projects lined up."

"Spit out this big project!"

"Fine. As you know, I sing. So my first video back is going to be a whole music video. It's for a song I wrote, so that's exciting. I'm going to need three main looks that are going to be used in the video. Two of the looks you're going to be replicating both sides of me that have been seen by the media and the third is me now. They're versions of me that have been born from this chaos. My new manager just wants to get you in so you can sign some contracts and all that."

"Actually, I love it. I have so many ideas already. We can..."

Devyn and I talk until Corey comes home. I take my leave and decided to hang out with Colby in his room. I feel bad for hiding my whole youtube comeback from him. Devyn is the first person from the group that I've told. I want to tell everyone else but I have a whole video planned where I surprise everyone individually and get their reactions. I have a big plan to reveal my comeback to a lot of people.

I've kept this secret for the past few weeks. I spent days wondering what to do with my life. I could go back to normal schooling next semester and keep my head down until I graduated and then get a normal job. But the idea of that didn't sound fun. I wanted the excitement that I had when I first started youtube and began getting popular. The buzz I once had when I created content that I once loved. The buzz I get from doing music. I'm still going to do normal videos, but I'm going to start doing things that I like. All last week was busy with me meeting potential managers that were willing to take me on and planning the music video.

I plan to have a party where I invite all of my closest friends and reveal the video to them, just as it's uploaded on my youtube channel. Get everyone's raw and honest reactions. It's scary and nerve-racking, but it will hopefully work out in the end.

****

Devyn and I sit in the back of an uber driving back from the last day of the music video shoot. It's Friday night and after a week of waking up early and getting home late, I just want to sleep until the big party reveal. But I have a mini reveal that I have to get out of the way. For the last of the three looks, my team and I decided to go all out. Not only did we cut my hair, but we also dyed it pink. A dark pink that will hopefully fade over time. Devyn also suggested that we shave a line into my left eyebrow. The look is complete with a fake lip ring and my first tattoo. Besides cutting my hair and having a fake piercing, these are all things that I wanted to do but couldn't without fear of ruining my reputation. I never wanted to cut my hair, but after all of this, I felt like I needed a change. Of course, I planned this change for after Thanksgiving where I went to meet Colby's parents for the first time. I couldn't have my first interaction with his parents be a total shit storm, which it wasn't

Other than Devyn, I didn't tell anyone that this was happening. Because I'm planning on uploading a behind the scenes video, I thought it would be best to also get everyone's reactions on camera. It doesn't look bad. Strangely, it feels like I've always looked like this. Like there was never a change. I'm only nervous about how Colby will react to the new me. The general public may not like it, but they hate me so much already so what's new. Colby, on the other hand, is the person I love most in the world and his opinion matters to me.

We pull up in front of the house and all my nerves are suddenly gone, or maybe they're hidden. We get out of the car and walk into the house. I let Devyn go in first so she could set up the camera. Devyn made up an excuse for us that she is practicing new makeup looks on me. And because I'm on a hiatus, I gave her my camera to use for the time being. So every night she brings in the camera and sets it up in the same place so that nobody gets suspicious. This has been a long elaborate plan, but in two weeks, everything should be back to normal.

After a few minutes, I walk casually and wait until everyone notices. The first two that see me are Kat and Colby. Kat's first instinct is to scream, which causes everyone to look up.

"What the fuck is going on? Am I high? Baby, pinch me." Corey sticks his arm out at Devyn for her to pinch.

"Holy crap, I didn't recognize you for a second. I thought a fan broke in or something." Aaron says.

"That is definitely not how you looked when you left this morning. Is this real?"

"I think Kat and Colby are influencing you too much, Isabella."

"I can't do anything about the tattoo, but I can't tell if you guys like the hair or not. I can fix the color but the length is going to be like this for a while."

"No, baby, it's fine. It's great! What, uh, inspired this new you?" Colby's face has this slight scrunch to it. It's not noticeable to the naked eye, but people who actually know Colby can tell. He absolutely hates it.

"Just wanted to try something new. Anyway, I'm beat from today so I'm just going to go to bed. Night everyone."

I run upstairs before anyone can say something. If it wasn't for the fact that I was so tired I would just go home. I'm not upset. I couldn't care less about Colby not liking the several changes I've made to myself. If anything, I'm annoyed. I'm not annoyed that he didn't like it. I'm annoyed that he lied about liking it for my benefit. It's been a while since the whole 'me almost dying in a momentary lapse of judgment' situation and I thought we were past Colby treading lightly around me.

I have a new system to get through life. One that doesn't rely on Colby, because I can't always go to him every time shit hits the fan. The first step was to sit down and find a therapist. Might as well get some professional help to get everything in order. Then, I decided to work on making sure that if something were to happen to me, my family would get nothing. It felt weird to write a will considering that I'm only 19. And because I am no longer part of the family, I started the process of changing my last name. I decided just to use my middle name, Rose, as my last name. My good grandmother's name was Rose and her middle name was Jane. I just filled out the paperwork to officially become Isabella Jane Rose or Isabella Rose. The last step in me getting better was to change physically. Hence the rose tattoo and the short pink hair. Something felt off about all of these changing happening around and to me but still staring back at the version of me that I didn't want to be any more in the mirror. I got the tattoo because I've always wanted one and I got it in memory of my grandmother. The pink hair was the random part. I knew that I was going to cut it. But this morning while I was in hair and makeup I made a last-minute decision that I now love.

****

I managed to get all the makeup fast enough just crawl into bed. If it had taken longer than five minutes I would just give up and go to bed. While trying to go to sleep I hear the door open slowly and then shut quietly. I hear Colby carefully trying to move in the dark.

"You can turn the light on, I'm not asleep yet." After a few seconds of hearing Colby struggle in the dark, he manages to turn on the lights.

"Sorry, I know you're tired. I was just going to join you. Do you have to be up early again?" Colby changes out of his clothes and puts on a pair of shorts.

"No, I can start sleeping in again." I roll over to face Colby as he climbs into bed.

"So I finally get you all to myself? I don't mean to complain but I only saw you when it was time to sleep and when you left in the morning."

"Yeah, we can spend time together. I need your help planning a party. And bout the whole only seeing me at night and in the morning thing, think of it as practice for when we start living together. I mean, It's not going to be like that every day but there are going to be times like that. I'm going to have to get used to you leaving me to go do stupid demon chasing shit or doing illegal things."

"First of all," Colby props up his head in his hand, "we're not doing 'stupid demon chasing shit.' We're just going around and seeing what happens with these things."

"You call purposely going to super haunted places and actively doing things to store spirits and demons up 'just going around to see what happens?' That mentality is going to get you guys in some serious trouble. All I'm saying is that when we move in together, you do all of that stuff outside our apartment. Go do it at Sam's or Jake's place.

"Deal, I promise to keep the scary ghost and demon stuff out of our apartment. Now, what's this you say about a party?"

****

Unlike the guys, my parties are a lot tamer. I made the event exclusive. Only those who I am actually close to and who are my friends are invited. Basically, anyone who didn't turn on me before the big leak and I was friendly with before it happened were invited. Which is still a lot of people but not the normal amount of people that guys are used to destroying their house. I asked everyone if I could borrow the house for one night. My apartment is too small and renting space would be too big. The trap house was the only place that was perfect enough. They didn't even have to help me set up. I made the food and brought the drinks. Well, I bought the nonalcoholic drinks. Colby bought the liquor to avoid me getting into trouble.

Kat, Devyn, Xepher, Tori, and I got ready in Corey and Devyn's room. Tori was added to our little group a few weeks ago, we've been inviting her to hang out with us so she feels welcomed. After we finished getting ready we all went to set up a bit more. The guys set up the backyard, despite it being one of the rare days where it's cold in California.

I wanted to have a kickback. My circle of people when all hell broke loose was pretty much just the trap house. To everyone else I actually was dead. So I planned this even to Cath up and get back into the swing of things. While on my break both Colby and I avoided parties and events that were very crowded. It wasn't too bad considering there was a week where we were in Kansas for Thanksgiving. I can use this time to catch up with everyone as well as make my huge announcement that I'm rejoining team internet. And with Christmas around the corner, we decided to have a kind of small Christmas party.

"Corey, you better not be eating the dip I made!" I yell from the kitchen. Sam, Aaron, Kat, Devyn and I are currently in the kitchen cooking and making snacks. We had to kick out Colby, Corey, and Jake for simply causing trouble.

"I'm not! It's falling into my mouth and it would be a waste to just spit it out." I finish cooking the mac and cheese and put it in a food warmer before walking into the living room. Colby is sitting on the couch on his phone while Jake and Corey hover over the chips and dip.

"Really?" Colby throws his hands up in defense.

"Hey, I tried to tell them."

"It's a good thing that I know you guys and put out the store-bought dip first and hid the one I made."

"No wonder it tastes so good." Jake mumbles. I smack him on the back of the head. I turn the music on and head back in the kitchen to see how everything is going.

A few minutes later people start coming and the party started. I organize the presents for the white elephant event that's going to happen near the end of the party. I socialize and catch up with Kian, JC, and Chelsea. I talk to David and talk him out of leaving early and promise him something fun will happen. I'm hoping something will happen, if not I might have to do something crazy for his vlog later just to make up for it. As everyone is eating I go and stand up on a free space on the couch. To get everyone's attention I turn off the music and use a megaphone that David had in his car.

"Hey guys, I just wanted to say a few things. I'll try to make this as short and painless as possible. So, as we all know, I've been going through a rough patch in the past few months. And I know that some people here were worried about me, which is why I decided to throw this party. Just to let you know that all is good in the neighborhood. So good in fact that I have a surprise that some of you will like and some of you may not. Just consider this, dinner and a show." The lights turn off and the small projector turns on and plays my music video.

While everyone watches I step out into the kitchen where I go and quickly change all my profile pictures and profile banners. The video was scheduled to go out at this exact moment so I don't have to do anything there. The video was sent to me early this morning and I watched it then. I send out a quick tweet and an Instagram photo before shutting off my phone for the rest of the night. When the video is over, I walk back into the living room.

"I know, I'm sorry for making you watch my music video. I honestly didn't know another way to say that I'M BACK, BABY! Which means, yes David, you can do whatever mean horrible prank you can possibly think of. Ki, J, you can make me do a ridiculous challenge video with horrible consequences. No, Sam and Colby, I will not do a scary exploring video with you but I will do literally anything else. And overall, because I know the guys are going to go back to throwing insane parties, we can all party together like we used to! So you guys can go back to eating and talking, that's all I had to say. Also, we'll do the white elephant in about half an hour so get your cameras ready because there is some vlogable content in there."

I hop off the couch and go sit next to Colby and continue to enjoy the rest of the party.

[rpgmgames]

February’s Featured Game: Returning Nightmares

DEVELOPER(S): Saturn ENGINE: RPGMaker 2003 GENRE: YNFG, Exploration, Adventure WARNINGS: Blood, Gore, Swearing, Suicide SUMMARY: Returning Nightmares is an exploration adventure-horror game being developed in RPG Maker 2003, inspired by Yume Nikki and it's multiple fan-made homages (but with dialogue & easier to navigate maps). You play as Akira, a young man locked up in his own bedroom, exploring his dreams to remember the events that lead him to where he is now. But some things are better left alone…

Play the demo here!

Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself! Hi, I'm Saturn and I like videya game. I've been into Yume Nikki since about... 2010? And RPG Maker in general since 2011. I've been cateloguing resources and reblogging RPG Maker projects on Pinkuboa for 6 & 1/2 years now (7 in June) and I run Dream Diary Jam, a game jam for making Yume Nikki Fangames. I also love pixel art, writing, and cooking, but the last one I can't make into a game (yet).

What is your project about? What inspired you to create your game initially? *Saturn: I was originally trying to make like a little intro to Yume Nikki project that people could peak into and copy for Dream Diary Jam & future use. However, it ended up taking a life of it's own as something I could goof off in and enjoy without thinking about it. The eventing I did for it could be better optimized, so I wouldn't use it as an example anymore (but don't mind at all if people look & learn from it!). It's basically about me thinking back on my edgy years and my years of looking at other's OCs and celebrating how goofy and fun the stories could be. A lot of the game is me asking "What would someone who watched a lot of anime and listened to MCR do?" There's an appeal to cool edgy stuff I think we forget about when we look back on our edgelord years. Sure, you may not have been the best writer and some of the stuff is over the top, but it was enjoyable to make and some of the characters still appeal to you for basic emotional reasons (good design, relatable story, fun power trip, you just like their hair, etc.) I hope the game is enjoyable to people whether or not they laugh at it or honestly have a good time with it. Both ways are valid - enjoyment is enjoyment!

How long did you work on your project? *Saturn: Oh gosh...I believe I started at the very end of 2017, like a week before the new year. Then I worked on it for like 2 months, took a break, then picked it up and went hard in September 2018 again.

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *Saturn: You bet buddy: -Yume Nikki -.flow -Ignite -The Looking Glass -Fleshchild -Yume Nisshi -Akuma (Yume Nikki Fangame) -Answered Prayers -Ultra Violet -Cheesy internet OCs I read as a kid -Cheesy modern horror movies -Cheesy Creepypastas ...and probably other stuff but I can't think of it right now.

Have you come across any challenges during development? How have you overcome or worked around them? *Saturn: Sometimes I make a world without thinking about it all the way through and I don't know what to do it with or what to fill it with. That's why you can find a map of an Ouija board in the map files with some events and such that you can't access elsewhere. It's driving me mad still. >:T

Did any aspects of your project change over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? *Saturn: It went from a side project to my current project, a project I wanted to use to help others but ended up teaching myself. I know better ways of eventing now and have an idea of how to make maps and tiles better and faster.

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don’t have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *Saturn: I prefer working alone on this game. Had it been something that I started with someone else, I'd like it with them. I do crowdsource ideas though: I'll ask discord randomly, "Hey, what should I put next in Returning Nightmares" or "Hey, what else should I put in this world?" Big shout out to Dream Diary Development & Pixel Horror for their help!!

What was the best part of developing the game? *Saturn: Seeing the worlds come together. Once a world has music in it and all the bits and pieces properly moving and intractable, it's immensely satisfying. I'd say finishing an event and having it work properly is second. Eventing is fun!

Do you find yourself playing other RPG Maker games to see what you can do with the engine, or do you prefer to do your own thing? *Saturn: I find myself playing with the engine and seeing what I can do with it myself.

Which character in your game do you relate to the most and why? (Alternatively: Who is your favorite character and why?) *Saturn: I don't relate to anyone in particular because they're all kinda hollow. However, I like the hidden wizard the best since he was a D&D character I never got to use, so I have a whole backstory and personality for him!

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *Saturn: I wish I planned better & fixed a few bugs for the first release. At least there's nothing game breaking: you can't get a few menus if you don't have enough money, but that's it.

Do you plan to explore the game’s universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *Saturn: Leave as is. This one is mostly to get me comfortable with the idea of releasing a larger game. Akira doesn't have any great stories in him, he's just him. Most of the games I got ideas for are one off since I like one off stuff. Makes everything feel complete.

With your current project, what do you look most forward to upon/after release? *Saturn: I look for people's reactions to it. There's, there's a particular place in the game that's in the shape of a 10 year old webcomic meme that I had people @ me in chats and ask if it was a reference to, while I giggled like a fool. Games like most media can be an interaction between player & creator, and that's one of the fun parts of it all.

Is there something you’re afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game? *Saturn: God I don't know if I'll break the game or make it boring in any particular way. That's my top concern.

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *Saturn: Learning how to make a game is like learning how to read or how to do math: you won't be able to read To Kill a Mockingbird right away, nor will you be doing advanced algebra. It took a lot of time for you to be able to do either. Give yourself a break when you learn how to make a game as well: you won't learn how to make a big one in a month! Feel free to screw up. Someone says "Don't do that, it'll be too big"? Do it anyway: you'll either fail and learn a lesson, or you'll succeed and then look back and say, "Oh crap, I could of done that better now that I learned everything new." Either way, you got more practice to make another game, but better. "But I screwed up...." - see paragraph 1 on this question for the answer to that. Cut yourself some slack and remember you're doing this because you want to enjoy making a game! I found the best way I learned is by looking into other games (thanks Bleet & Jojogape for being cool with people looking at their games). I suggest finding the best way you learn as well, whether it's written tutorials, asking people, looking at other people's games, video tutorials, or just messing with the engine yourself. Lastly, I found the best way to take pressure off myself when making a game (as someone who loves perfection) was to make a few goofy joke games first. If they were bad, that was fine: they were supposed to be funny bad! It's like releasing steam by making MS Paint drawings, it makes you laugh and feel less nervous.

Question from last month's featured dev @leirin: What's something you really hope to see an RPG Maker game achieve in the future? * *Saturn: I want to see more games do something with the picture system in RPG Maker 2003. Like, I've seen games play with the new picture system, but not release and it's really burning my britches because it's such a great cosmetic game changer hnnnngh. Otherwise, I'm not sure. RPG Maker is a limited engine specialized for RPGs. I like watching fellow developers Cachi, Hogwash-dev, Rindre, and a few other people see how far they can push the system, but I don't have a particular "I want to see this" from something. I kinda like RPG Maker for it's limits, but I also like seeing what I wasn't expecting from it!

We mods would like to thank Saturn for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved!

Remember to check out Returning Nightmares if you haven’t already! See you next month! 

- Mods Gold & Platinum

[licenselesswriter]

From November to June CH7

May 13, 2018

- Maya? - Riley calls her best friend putting a hand over her leg.

- Yes, sweetie? - she replies still playing on her phone.

- I know you said that he was only being friendly with you, but why uncle Josh is saying this? - she asks and shows Maya her phone.

Maya takes Riley's phone and proceeds to read how Josh says to everyone on the Matthews family chat, that Lucas is the father of her kid. Fastly she gets out of WhatsApp and searches Riley's contacts and dial a very familiar phone - Hey, yep, care to get here a bit early? thanks, "Bedroom Floor" - she says and finish the call.

- So, it's true? - Riley asks looking at the floor.

- Just wait till' "Bedroom Floor" gets her so we can explain - she asks Riley to do.

And since Maya never hurt her, she finally does as she's being asked to do and wait.

20 minutes later, Lucas arrives, confident as always and with a gift under his arm, he greets Topanga and Cory, and reluctantly, he allows the Texan boy to get into his daughter's room.

- Hey - Lucas says opening the door. He takes a look at Riley's expression and his first thought is that Maya tells her what happened at the hotel when Josh got married.

- You sure take your time "Bedroom Floor" - Maya says to him.

Lucas just smiles to her - Didn't know you wanted to see me that bad - he jokes, noticing how atmosphere goes worse.

- Josh tells everyone that you are the father of my baby - Maya cuts him.

Lucas can't hide his shock, that fastly was replaced with anger - Son of a bitch - he says, completely ignoring how Riley started to cry - Sorry - he apologizes for calling Riley's grandmother a bitch.

- So, in the end, it's true, you slept with Lucas - Riley says to Maya.

- Just allow us to tell you the complete story - Maya asks again.

- No, this is too much, and I really don't want to hear it - Riley fastly replies.

- Ring Power - Maya says lifting her hand.

- Fucking ring - Riley curses.

- It all started in the ski lodge - Maya started.

Riley's face deformed - SINCE THEN? - she screams, not wanting to believe her words. Lucas put his hands on her shoulders, trying to calm her down, but only gets a slap on his face - GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE - she screamed at him.

- She's not talking about me, Riley - Lucas says hugging her - Calm down - he adds before putting a kiss on her hair.

To his words, Riley calms herself a bit - I don't understand what is going on - she says in the middle of her tears.

- Then shut the fuck up and for once, listen to your best friend - Maya snaps, making Lucas watch her with a recriminatory look - Ok, ok, I'm sorry - Maya says and gets up from Riley's bed and grab her hands - Sweetie, this is gonna be really hard to listen, and I really don't want you to judge me, or worse, talk about it, this is gonna be a secret between you, me, and Lucas, and yes this is I'm-calling-him-his-actual-name important - she continues.

Lucas takes Riley to the bay window and Maya follows - On that day, we decided to go with a "long play", and sometimes when we were alone, we make out, and it was really fun, and I felt really in love - Maya explains.

- Who is this guy? - Riley asks.

- You need to swear to me that you will never tell this to another person - she says.

Riley lifted her hand and Maya's - I swear on my ring - she replies.

Maya, nervous for the information she's going to expose, grab Riley's hand and hold it against her chest - The person who got me pregnant was Josh - Maya finally confesses, shocking Riley.

- No - Riley says in complete denial.

- Why would I lie about this? - Maya asks.

- No, that's impossible - Riley continues - You're just saying that because he caught you and Lucas - she says, trying to justify her denial.

- Honey, I would never lie about something this important - Maya says in the edge of a breakdown.

- Oh my God - Riley says and covers her mouth with her both hands - Then why... - Riley tries to asks, but then she takes a short look at Lucas, and then at Maya - He doesn't know - she states.

- Riley - Lucas tries to clean her tears, but she pushes him away.

- How did he get involved? - she asks Maya, not mentioning Lucas by his name.

- He was the first to connect the dots - Maya answers.

- The first? - Riley asks this time.

- Zay was the second - Lucas answers.

The 3 of them keep a mortifying silence that Maya decides to break - You're probably wondering why I keep this from you - she says and grabs her hands again, she put a little kiss on her hands before looking right into her eyes - Josh always has been your role model, I didn't want you to learn that one of the people you admire the most, is a cheater who impregnates a girl 1 month before proposing to his girlfriend - she says, letting her tears fall down.

Lucas takes her handkerchief and gives it to Maya, then unwraps the package that he brings.

- Seriously? Cookies? - Riley asks.

- Her favorites - Lucas says and opens a Tupperware, filled with mint-chocolate cookies.

Maya takes 2 and put them in her mouth - Fuck you both for giving me stress eating - she says to them, taking another 2 cookies.

Riley just stood there for a second, watching, analyzing, trying to crack, her best friend and her future husband relationship - Lucas - she calls him. He fastly turns his attention to the brunette - Can I talk to you for a moment? - she asks him.

Maya only snatches the Tupperware from Lucas' hands - Don't look at me, you go out, I'm pregnant, I don't have to move - she argues, making him give her a soft laugh.

- Stupid - he jokes.

- Asshole - she jokes back.

- Ok, I'm gonna take him for a few minutes - Riley says and drags out Lucas from her room by the arm.

- Where are we going? - Lucas asks noticing how they walk past the living room.

- Rooftop - Riley answers.

A pair of minutes later they get into the rooftop.

Lucas thanks his mother for forcing him to wear 2 layers when he noticed the cold air - Ok, so why we are here? - he asks Riley who sits in the bench that was there.

- How much of what she said is true? - she asks him, surprising him.

- Are you serious? - he asks back and Riley only nods - All of it - he replies. He will be sure that Maya will never find out about that doubt.

- Is she the reason why you and Josh drifted away? - she asks then.

- Technically, I was the one who drifted away, but yes - he answers, sitting next to Riley - Why you're asking so many questions? - he asks her.

Riley just look at the floor - One last question, why we haven't come back? - she asks him.

- Riley - Lucas softly says and put his arm around her shoulders - We break up 2 times, don't you think that's a warning flag? - he asks her back.

- Warning flag? That's all I am to you? a fucking warning flag? - Riley questions him getting up from the bench.

Lucas thought to himself, that maybe his word selection wasn't the best - I'm gonna go - Lucas says and tries to go back to get his coat.

- You've fallen for her - Riley says, like pointing a fact.

Lucas turns over, tired of all this Riley-Maya thing that he has been involved since he moved to New York - For fuck's sake - he says letting a bit of stress go out with his curse before walking to her and sit on the bench - I'm sorry I'm the one who breaks this to you, but, your parent's story, it's not something everyone can replicate, and honestly, we are not them - he adds, putting his fingers over his temples.

- That can be us if you dared to try - Riley argues back.

- Yeah, I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that - Lucas replies and walks down to her apartment.

When he opens the door to get his coat and get away from there, he was faced by Maya with a sweater on her hands.

- You know I can hear everything from her window, right? - she asks him.

- I know, I know - he replies and kisses her on the cheek - Go comfort your best friend - he adds taking his coat.

- Are you gonna be ok? - she asks.

Lucas just smiles - Don't worry, I'll be ok - he answers with half-smile.

- Awww, nobody can drag you down? - Maya teases him before walking to the rooftop.

Lucas just smiles at her and gives her the finger - Happy Mother’s Day Maya - he says before walking out.

- Love you too One Direction - she teases him again.

Riley heard the rooftop door opens and didn't have to turn her head to know who was - If you came here to say "I told you" I already know you told me - she says.

Maya just looks at her with a sad smile - I came here to give you a sweater - she says and put the sweater over her back before sitting next to her.

- Why can't Lucas try again with me? - she asks Maya before letting her head lands on her shoulder.

- Don't ask me, I got myself pregnant with an asshole who proposes to another woman a month from being with me in the same bed - Maya replies with a sad smile.

- At least we have each other - Riley says and hugs Maya.

- Yes, we do - Maya says and puts a hand over her belly - And next month, you're gonna be Aunt Riley, and you better be ready, because if you don’t, I'm gonna start panicking - she jokes.

Riley just smiles at her and put a kiss on her cheek before caressing her belly - Why didn't I fall for you; things would be easier that way - she says letting Maya caress her hair.

- Maybe in another universe honey - Maya consoles Riley.

[fernwehbookworm]

Woke The F*ck Up- Chapter 17

March 9th, 2018

Lena couldn’t believe she agreed to this. At least Sam was with her for support. The bar was crowded but Kara and Alex had arrived early to snatch a table big enough for all of them. It was also right in front of the stage, the Karaoke stage. Kara said she owed her since the first Karaoke experience Lena said she couldn’t sing. And how could Lena say ‘No,’ when Kara flashed those blue puppy dog eyes at her. So Lena put in her colored contacts and hid her eyes behind the big black glasses. Her hair is up in a messy bun and a plaid shirt and jeans. Her tattoos were covered with makeup. Hopefully, no one would recognize her.

The night is loud and before Lena knows it she is buying the table’s fifth round of beers and Kara is convincing her to sing. Lena’s name goes on the list and she picks a song as those before her go. She doesn't know why she picks it but it feels right. And it's far enough from her own music that hopefully no one will put together that it's her. When her name, Elena, is called, Lena finishes of her beer and climbs on the stage. She should feel nervous right? But the stage is like home. Singing is second nature to her.

Pouring rain in Tucson, Arizona

Checked into the Congress hotel

Met the band in a bar next to the lobby

Looking for another story I could tell

When I left town you were heading for the altar

And I told you I'd be back before too long

I cut my hair and I found me a new girlfriend

Thought a broken heart could write a perfect song

And it did and I was right so now you're gone

You echo in the halls

I feel your shadow on this empty stage

I hear your music through the walls

I see your picture on the blank page, oh

You echo in the halls

Play the show, left another message

Booked a ticket for tomorrow in Tempe

Three AM, I'm doing cartwheels down the hallway

I've been drinking since the day I set you free

But on this airport morning will you wait for me?

You echo in the halls

I feel your shadow on this empty stage

I hear your music through the walls

I see your picture on the blank page

You echo in the halls

You echo in the halls

I feel your shadow on this empty stage

I hear your music through the walls

I see your picture on the blank page, oh

You echo in the halls

I feel your shadow on this empty stage

I hear your music through the walls

I see your picture on the blank page, oh

You echo in the halls

As the last notes fade the bar erupts into cheers, Lena’s table being the loudest as she makes her way towards them. Winn, James, Alex and Sam rise to there feet as she comes closer. Kara nods to her then makes her way over to the bar for more drinks. But her smile is off. It isn’t genuine and it confuses Lena. She sits for a few minutes as chatter resumes and the next name is called. Ten minutes pass and Kara still hasn’t returned. Lena looks over at the bar, seeing Kara standing there, she had the tray of drinks in front of her but she was just staring down at them, completely zoned out. Lena excuses herself, unnoticed by the rest of their friends.

“Need help?” Lena asks teasingly. Kara jerks out of whatever thoughts she having and looks at Lena with watery eyes.

“No. No. I’m fine. Just needed a breather between drinks.”

“Kara? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing Lena.” Kara moves to pick up the tray but Lena places a hand on her arm.

“Kara, Dr. Hamilton says we have to be honest with each other, so what is it?”

“I just... you were singing… and the lyrics, all I could think about is how I would have married you without a second thought before… everything. I had no doubts that you could be the one for me. But now, now all I picture is finding you in that hotel room with Veronica. I can’t forget that.”

“Kara, how many times do I have to say I am sorry. If I could take it all back I would.”

“Once, Lena! Just once you have to apologize for sleeping with her. But you haven't.”

“Kara, surely I have…” Lena scrunches her brow trying to think back through all their conversations, the therapy sessions. And no she hasn’t. She has told Sam how sorry she was about it, how much she regretted it, but not Kara.

“Oh my God. Kara, I can’t believe I never did. Kara, look at me.” Lena takes both of Kara’s hands and makes her face her.

“Kara I am so sorry for my actions. I have no one to blame but myself for my terrible choices. That includes breaking up with you and sleeping with someone else. Not just anyone else, but someone who had broken my heart already. Someone I had confided in you about and I knew would be the most hurtful. I will spend the rest of my life regretting that night.” They stare at each other and Lena reaches up to brush a tear away from Kara’s cheeks.

“Since that apology was long overdue, don’t feel like you have to accept it or forgive me anytime soon, or ever.  And I will apologize a hundred times more if that's what you need.” Lena tells her softly, Kara nods and Lena walks back to the table, leaving Kara to gather herself. Only Sam seems to notice her return and raises an eyebrow to question the exchange, Lena waves her off and mouths a ‘Later.’

Kara returns to the table with cheers from her friends and the night continues on just as loud with laughter as it did before. It was like that moment at the bar didn’t even happen. But it did and Lena felt like everything was slightly shifted and now everything was in Kara’s hands. Maybe she held onto that apology for control because that’s what she feels like she has given up. Strangely, she is okay with that. Lena had screwed everything up with her rash actions and so now it was up to Kara.

Lena’s head is foggy by the time she stumbles out of the bar. She glances around for her Uber and for Sam but she see Sam getting in a car after someone else, who she thinks might be Alex. Kara and Winn stumble out laughing behind her and jostle into her on the street. Lena steadies them as best she can before the car she called with Luxury Uber pulls up. She ushers her two friends into it, instructs the driver on the two new stops at their apartments and sits next to the two friends laughing about who knows what. Winn is dropped off first and silence stretches in the car despite the top hits being played by the driver.

“Lena… I…” Kara tries to say something but she is having trouble gathering her thoughts.

“Whatever it is. I want to save it for when we are sober.”

“I just… What we had was like a dream that turned into a nightmare. But now we are awake and I just want to start over. I want to go back to that morning at Noonan’s and sit down and tell you everything. Or that day in the studio when you told me who you were, then I would come clean too.”

“So maybe we should,” Lena says as the car rolls to a stop outside Kara’s gym.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know yet. But you should go so this poor man can take me home and I can pay him.”

Kara nods slowly and gets out. She tries to open her mouth but Lena is way too drunk to keep having these conversations.

“Goodbye, Kara.”

When Lena gets back to the hotel she collapses in her bed after tugging off her outer layers. She had peeked through the door that joins to Sam and Ruby’s hotel room (they had switched rooms after the first couple nights to be closer together) and sees her fast asleep with the television still on and a room service platter next to the bed with remnants of a melted ice cream sundae. The girl had obviously not listened to her mother about sweets, not that her mother would know because Lena expected she wasn’t coming back since she texted Sam that everything was fine before shutting her eyes.

**

March 10th, 2018

Lena dressed and showered the next morning before waking ruby and helping her get rid of the sugary evidence in the room, she got a small scolding but nothing like if Sam had found out. When Ruby is dressed also they make their way down to the restaurant off the lobby of the hotel Lena vaguely answering the question of where Sam was and distracting the kid with waffles and a bouquet of fruit. As their food is arriving she sees Sam scurrying past the front desk. Sam stops when she sees Lena and Lena discreetly waves the clearly discomposed woman away. Lena and Ruby are halfway done when Sam re-appears with wet hair and clean clothes. She quickly dives into the fruit and orders eggs and bacon when the waiter arrives back at their table. Ruy is telling them about some movie she watched last night. As soon as the girls plate was cleared she escaped to the game room, leaving the adults alone.

“So… What was that little thing with you and Kara last night?” Sam smiles at Lena over her mug of coffee.

“What was that thing with you and Alex last night?” Lena shoots back with a raised eyebrow. Sam gives her a hard look.

“You first.” Lena sighs and relents.

“Turns out, I never apologized to Kara. About breaking up with her or sleeping with Veronica.”

“How did you go through all those therapy sessions and never apologize?”

“I don’t know. I mean we talked about it. But then we moved on and talked about how it made each other feel. And then talked about steps to build back trust but somehow me actually apologizing never happened. I honestly never realized it. Guess that’s just one more thing to talk with Dr. Hamilton about. Your turn.” Sam blushes as Lena turns the conversation back on her.

“It’s nothing just having some fun. She’s not ready to date and I live in England with my daughter.”

“Sure.”

“It’s really nothing. We were both kind of lonely and decided to keep each other company. It won’t go anywhere. I have to take Ruby back to London on Monday and I don’t know when we will be back stateside.”

“Oh right.” Lena picks at her omelete remains. To avoid Sam’s eyes.

“Lena?”

“I guess over these last couple of days, I forgot this is all temporary. You two being here. Me being here. Soon I’ll have to go back too. But Kara, this is her city. If we work things out she would never come with me. That one night I made a decision that has rippled out and changed my future and separated those I care about most.”

“Wow, we got real deep for a hangover breakfast,” Sam says but still she rests a hand on Lena’s arm.

“We will always be family, wherever we are,” Sam says earnestly.

Lena looks at her and smiles. Sam was right. She always was, somehow.

**

Kara bursts into Alex’s apartment with an extra coffee and McDonald’s breakfast food to feed her sister. Alex was clearly still in bed, sprawled diagonally across it on her stomach. Thankfully she is alone but Kara does eye a bra, that is much to small for Alex, flung under the couch. Kara suppresses a laugh, just grateful her sister seems to be moving on. She didn’t know who she left with last night but Alex did send Kara a text telling her she met someone. Kara carefully sets the drinks and food down before opening the curtains next to her sisters bed. Alex winces at the sudden light and groans. She rubs at her eyes in an effort to clear them.

“Sam?”

“Unfortunately no. As your sister, I did not need to know that you hooked up with my ex’s best friend.” Alex groans again.

“Kara, what are you doing here?”

“Checking on my sister who I thought went home with a stranger while drunk. I guess I was wrong.”

“Ugh.” Alex moans, pulling the covers over her head.

“Alright, guess I’ll just take the coffee and food with me then. You don’t seem in the mood to hang out with your sister.”

“Coffee?” Alex peaks an eye out from under the comforter.

“Black.”

“Bless you. If mom and dad adopting you led to this moment then I am eternally grateful.” Kara laughs and turns her back as her sister extracts herself from the bed and looks for clothes.

“Yes, that is the reason they adopted me. To bring you coffee when you were hungover.”

They sit on the couch and Alex is on her second bacon McGriddle when she finally asks Kara.

“So, what was that with you and Lena last night?”

“It was nothing, just us still working through some stuff.” Alex raises an eyebrow at her sister.

“I finally brought up the fact that she never apologized.”

“Good for you. What did she say?”

“She didn't realize she never had. Then she gave me a very sincere apology and told me to take my time to in deciding if I want to accept it, if ever. And she said she would continue to apologize if I need it.”

“And will you?”

“I think so. I mean she really means it, that much I can tell.”

“Then what happens?”

“I don't know Alex. It's all complicated.” Kara snaps.

“Hey, easy. I'm just trying to make sure you are thinking this through. I don't want this to happen again. I know I've kind of played the bad guy here about her, but I did see how happy she made you. And I did like her at one point.”

Kara sits silently and clutches one of her sister's couch pillows in her lap.

“I just… I mean it seems like she recovered pretty quickly after our break up. Like that's when she pulled her life together. Stopped the drugs and smoking. Maybe it was better for her that we were apart.”

“Kara, did you hear her last album?”

“No. I avoided it. I heard most of the songs while we were together anyway. She would sing them to me while she wrote.” Kara smiles at the memory, sometimes just watching Lena strum mindlessly on a guitar.

“There is no way those songs were the same as the ones she released.” Alex stands and walks over to her stereo to flip through her CD collection. She always said that she preferred CDs when she was home, despite all the ways to stream music. She even had a record player for some older albums she got when Jeremiah died.

“What do you mean? The album was basically finished by the end of her tour.”

“Well, she changed it then. The album is called Expensive Mistakes.” Alex hits play.

Are you insane like me? Been in pain like me? Bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me? Just to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me? Would you use your water bill to dry the stain like me? Are you high enough without the Mary Jane like me? Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me? Do the people whisper ‘bout you on the train like me? Saying that "you shouldn't waste your pretty face" like me?

And all the people say "You can't wake up, this is not a dream You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline

Alex clicks to the next song before the first is finished.

I eat my dinner in my bathtub, then I go to sex clubs Watchin' freaky people gettin' it on It doesn't make me nervous if anything, I'm restless Yeah, I've been around and I've seen it all I get home, I got the munchies, binge on all my Twinkies Throw up in the tub then I go to sleep And I drank up all my money, dazed and kinda lonely You're gone and I gotta stay high All the time, to keep you off my mind Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh High, all the time, to keep you off my mind Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Spend my days locked in a haze, tryna forget you, babe I fall back down Gotta stay high, all my life, to forget I'm missin' you Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Click to the next song.

I was, I was, I was, I was Gonna say something that would solve all our problems But then I got drunk and I forgot what I was talking about I forgot what I was talking about Don't you, don't you, don't you know There's nothing more cruel than to be loved by everybody There's nothing more cruel than to be loved by everybody but you Than to be loved by everybody but you, but you If I can get my shit together I'm gonna run away and never see any of you again Never see any of you again

I hope the roof flies off and we get blown out into space I always make such expensive mistakes I know it's just a number but you're the 8th wonder I'll stop wearing black when they make a darker color (Whoa, whoa, whoa) When they make a darker color (Whoa, whoa) I'll stop wearing black when they make a darker color

Alex clicks it off. She sits down next to her sister who is just staring blankly at the stereo.

“She wasn't okay after the breakup. From what you tell me, she scrapped months of work and wrote a whole new album trying to work through her feelings. And when I went to see her-”

“You went to see her?” Kara asks; this was new information.

“I was sent to question her after her brother was arrested. To see if she would willingly return to the US but she refused and we had no jurisdiction; but when I went to see her, Kara, she didn't look good. Honestly, it looked like she hadn't slept or eaten in days. Also, I'm pretty she hadn't left her recording studio in just as long. Look. I'm not saying I support what she did. And I'm not saying I like her as a person too much right now. But she was obviously broken by what happened between the two of you. Sam even told me… never mind. Just it wasn't good. Sam didn't even want her around Ruby for a while. It took a lot for Lena to be okay. And the fact that she changed for herself, and not for you, means she is actually growing as a person and it has a better chance of sticking.”

Kara nods and wipes a tear escaping from her eyes. The songs resonated with her and how Lena must have been feeling afterward. Alex stands and cleans up their mess while her sister thinks. It did make her feel a little better knowing that Lena was just as big of a mess as she was. It also made her realize that they had so much more to talk about.

“Hey, can I borrow the CD?”

“Yeah, sure sis.” Alex sits back down next to her.

“What was it… What was it that Sam told you?”

Alex considers if she should tell her sister what Sam had shared with her last night. In the end, she decides to.

“Look, Sam doesn't think Lena remembers this, and she hasn’t told her either. So don’t mention it. Sam wants them to move past it and she knows Lena wouldn’t be able to.”

“Okay…”

“One day, Sam and Lena had a huge fight about how she was spending her time. I guess that night Lena got really intoxicated, Sam still isn’t sure with what. But Lena went to their house after dinner yelling and screaming, threatening Sam, threatening to hurt herself. She was broken. But she did it all in front of Ruby. Eventually, Sam was able to coax Lena into the car and drive her back to her hotel room. But Ruby was shaken. She saw someone she looked up to, someone she loved, talking about killing herself. Sam explained to Ruby what was going on the next day and Ruby understood, and Lena showed up the next day to work like nothing happened. That’s why Sam has kind of been hard on her, and she isn’t a big fan of yours. Soon after Lena sobered up. She moved in with them, and Sam never saw any more signs of it. She watched Lena closely too, but since it never came up again she never mentioned it.”

“And Lena has no idea?”

“Not as far as Sam could tell.” Kara lets out a long sigh.

“Okay, thanks for telling me.” After a moment Kara elbows her sister gently.

“That’s some pretty deep stuff for a one night stand.” Alex rolls her eyes at Kara’s implications.

“It’s nothing Kara. She has to leave soon and I have long hours at work hunting down Lillian Luthor and preparations for Lex’s trial.”

“I’m still not hearing that you don’t like her like that.”

Alex thinks through the double negative, mouthing the words and trying to figure out what her sister actually said. Before she can respond, there is a knock on the door. Alex gets up to answer it.

“Sam?”

“Ah, hi. Look, I seem to have left my bra here this morning, normally I would just say forget it but it’s actually my favorite and I was hoping-” Sam steps into the apartment and sees Kara sitting on the couch, she abruptly stops her train of thought.

“Kara! Hi umm… I was just…”

Kara laughs and points down to where she spotted the sought after object earlier. Sam flushes red and stoops to pick it up. She turns to look at Alex, waiting for some kind of response. Alex just stands there, gaping like a fish.

“Thanks, I’ll see you guys later.” Sam rushes out of the room and Alex is still standing there holding the door, jaw hanging open in shock. Kara laughs as soon as her sister manages to shut it.

“How can you be such a badass, and actually score, and still be such a gay mess talking to women?”

Alex groans and falls back against the door, sliding down to slump on the floor.

[faangirl101]

Webbed and flirty, Peter x reader

Peter parker x reader

Anonymous asked: Could you write a Peter Parker x reader where the reader is Peter Quills daughter and when her and Peter meet its like flirting plus Tony and Peter Q being dad’s? Thank you

Authors note: all you have to know is that Peter Quiell is “papa” and Tony stark is “dad”

MASTERLIST

“Parker”, my dad, tony stark, turned his back to me as he whispered low into the phone. The rest of the conversation was hard to judge from the whispered words i actually caught.

“Today”

“pyjamas”

“tell your aunt it's the internship”

He was talking to peter parker, of course. I mean, i am Tony stark's daughter after all, did he really think he could hide the fact that spider boy is peter parker? We used to go to the same school, peter and i, and still after being extremely attracted to him, i did not once have a real conversation with him. Then we graduated and everything was lost, well until i eavesdropped on my dads and overheard them mention peter parker. After that it wasn't hard to figure out the rest.

Peter Quill, my papa (which i called him to not mix him him up with my other Tony), sat trying to handle the ipod he got from Tony on his birthday. “Yo”, he bumped his shoulder with mine “this thing can keep like, 300 songs, can you pinch me darling, i just wanna be sure i'm not dreaming”. I rolled my eyes, trying to look uninterested, even if a smile was threatening from him being this happy “Dad, its 2018, catch up”.

He pointed his tongue out at me before putting his headphone in. Music streamed out, reaching my ears.

I was bored again. “Daaaaaad”, i muttered getting up and started walking after Tony. “Not now, pumpkin”, he reached out a finger in front of me shushing me. I don't like being hushed, long story short. i tried to speak again but Tony hushed me again. “No you don't have to bring your own own pyjamas, i've told you i've already made you a new suit”.

Before any of us really could react, i snatched the phone out of Tony grip and placed it onto my own ear. “Heya peter”, i tried to calm my beating heart and rising blush. Tony tried to take the phone back but i slipped out of his reach and jumped up on the coach were Peter was sitting. “h-hey”, i heard the teenage boy stutter on the other line. “y/n Stark, Tony's daughter here, we went to Italien class together”. i heard a nervous laugh on the other line “right. Starks daughter. Ummm, we never really talked, not the same friend circle”. I felt the blush rising up in my scalp, no matter how hard i tried to cool it down. I saw Tony grimace behind the yellow sunglasses as he mouthed “give it back”. But i wasn't done messing with him just yet. “Well that's all going to be changed when you come here, Spider boy, i can't wait to catch up with you”, i said with the sweetest voice i had, fluttering my eyelashes even if dad was the only one who saw. Then i bounced down from the couch and handed Tony back his phone. He was surprised, to say at least, not only because i knew Peter was spiderman… but also because i just flirted with him. Dad gave me one last warning look before leaving the room with the phone pressed tight against his ear. Right before the door slammed shut i heard him say “That, Penis parker, is my daughter. She's off limits, don't look at her and don't even think of her”. I couldn't wait until Peter got here.

Two hours later, after 1 pound of makeup and the cutest summer dress i had Peter finally arrived to Avengers tower. My face was glistering of highlighter and my lips covered in a soft pink making them look more swollen. The dress was simple, yellow and off shoulder. The end of it reached my mid thighs and showed of my new shaved tanned legs. My hair was just half up and half down, to keep it out of my face. Okay, i will admit i made myself this cute because Peter fricking Parker, was going to show up. And… well because i wanted to piss of my dad. I looked in the mirror, grimacing in different “cute” smiles to myself. “Hey peter”, i said to my reflections while fingering on the end of my hair tipps. I wasn't being cute, i looked like a complete idiot. Plus, i had nothing on Liz, makeup or not. It was a well known fact about Peters crush and who really blames him. Liz was so cute and incredibly smart and supportive, you just couldn't hate her. Its weird i had two dads that both are considered beautiful but still ended up looking compelly average. “Peter”, i smiled honestly into the mirror “hows life?”. How's life? really? I blew out a nervous breath while fixing my hair. Maybe i should just stay up here, safe with a book.

“Y/n”, My papa called “That pete kid is here”. I could feel the familiar blush rising again, fuck, i never blush this often. “Umm, peter, Mr Quill”, i heard Peter correct him and just to hear his voice made butterflies scatter in the depths of my abdomen. “Coming!”, I called back as i took one last look in the mirror. At this point, he was probably dating Liz so it really doesn't matter what i look like. I swung up the door, tripping out in the corridor out in the living room. And my entire body went into “i'm screwed” mode. Peter fucking Parker got hit by puberty. Real good. His hair was longer now, flowing down his forehead in small curls. I could see pure muscles through his his tight star-wars t-shirt. His usual blue hoodie was wrapped around his firm waist, and i thanked god he made the day hot enough for him to take of the hoodie. He was taller now, at least a head taller than me. Jesus, this boy always found new ways to make me shake of adrenaline. I decided it was weird to continue to stare like this so i walked forward to my dad. Peter looked at me, his jaw fell open i shock at the look of me, but it looked like he caught himself when Tony gave him a warning look. “Peter!”, I smile at his t-shirt “ha, nice one”. He looks down the t-shirt which says “i could make a star wars pun, but i don't wanna force it”. He smiled back up to me as he rubbed the backside of his neck nervously “umm thanks, i like your dress”. I blush again, dammit. “Watch it, kid”, i heard Tony mumble under his breath. Papa put a hand dad's shoulder and gives him a meaning look. Dad seems to relax a bit of his husbands hand. “What are you working on”, I asked looking past Peters shoulder. On a table was peter suit firmly folded. “Well, Peter keeps cutting out the baby monitor protocol”, Tony put his arms over his chest stubbornly. I rolled my eyes “come on dad, he's 18”. Even if i know Dad probably mouthed my words childishly for himself i chose to look at Peter instead “you hacked into the suits safe system through the video cord right?”. Peter nodded and i laughed for myself “yeah, weak spot. That's how i hack myself into the surveillance camera he put in my room”.

Peter smiled impressed “well, i tried taking away the support wheel protocol with the same tactive but the video cord was too deep so i  needed Ned´s help, he was pissed at me cause he rather build the death star lego set with me…”. The Boys eyes shots upen as he looks down at the ground stumbling “why would you say that, peter”. His nervosity was adorable. “How many pieces?”, i ask and can't help but to look fairly intresseded. I'm such a nerd, jesus. Peter take a step closer like he's about to whisper “3803”. I wrinkle my forehead “what? no way? its like 4016”. He chuckles shaking his head “nah nah, its a common knowledge that its 3803 pieces”. I laugh mockingly at him “oh god, you're such a noob, everybody knows it's 4016, look it up, jar jar”.

He pretend to look offended by my comment “Did you just call me jar jar? i'm obviously Han”.

I take a step closer without really thinking about it “yeah? who am i then, obi wan?”. He gives me something i would judge as a flirty smile “More like Leia”.

We are so close to eachother now i can feel his breath on my face. I make sure to look at his lips before dropping my risky line “why? because you wanna see me in a golden bikini?”.

That shuts him up but i still catch him looking at my lips, if only for a second.

“Hey! Hey”, Tony push me gently out of the way “That's enough”. While Dragging Peter down to the lab i can hear him mumble something similar to “Kids nowadays”. Papa putts a arm around my shoulder “take it easy on your dad, kay?”. I nod but in the back of my head i'm screaming “lies”. My papa's beard tickle me as he bends down to whisper in my ear “yeah, by the way, keep messing with your dad. I haven't seen him this ireeterad since his and Stevens fight. he's really hot when he's bothered”. I groan pushing him away “Ewww, papa?! i didn't need to know that. Eeeww, pictures in my head”. Papa winked at me while clicking his tongue “plus i think that Peter kid really likes you. he's a good kid that would do  good to you”.

“Peter?”, i whisper scream while looking around the lab. According to JARVIS, Dad left about 20 minutes ago and Peter is still in the building. When i dint get an answer i tip toe further into the room “Parker?”. I hear a thumb followed by some swear words. On a bench, Peter sat grasping onto his head while groaning. I whine for myself before speaking out “I'm sorry if i startled you”. peter lets out a mix of a chuckle and a gasp “no problem, my spider senses should have sensed you coming in”. I walk over to him, seemed to surprise him the second time this hour by putting a hand on his head. “Lemme look at it”, i whisper as i try to ignore how good his soft locks feel between my fingers. He nod as he moves the chair under him so he sits right in front of me. I move my fingers gently through his hair, careful not to accidently press to hard. “You have soft hair, what conditioner do you use?”, i say jocklingy to light up the situation. It seems to work as he chuckles under me. It was like a silent approval to make him laugh as i smile proudly. Even if i'm way past looking for a wound, i continue to move my hands through his soft hair. i can't help it. it smells so good and i can't help but to think how it would feel between my hands while he eats me out. A warmth spreads through my stomach as i try to swallow down my desire. “That feels good”, he mumbles so low i just barely managed to hear him. “for both of us”, i whisper back as i can feel him push his head closer to me like he's chasing my touch. In the action the stroller on the chair bumps into my shoes, knocking me out of balance. But Peter seems to see this seconds before me as im suddenly  being catched by my waist and falls forward instead. I land on top of his lap, my sundress flying up to fall like a duvet over his jeans and my thighs. I'm out of breath, so surprised over the past seconds. His hands are still on my hips, keeping me from falling again.

I realize the situation i'm in. This looked wrong, sure, but it felt so right. “Thanks”, i mumble and do the mistake to look into his eyes. He's looking right ame me at the same time, and were stuck in eachothers iris. His eyes are dark, dangerously dark, like a promise about the things he could do. They pupil dilate at the sight of you. I lick my dry lips and he follows the action. I can feel the touch of his hands burn though the material of my dress and mek me all hot and giddy. I can feel his muscles as my hands are on top of his shoulders.

He looks down, like he's hiding a smile. I swallow the lump of anxiety threatening in my throat. “Umm”, he muttered as he slowly looks up at me “i really-y, like reeeeally want to kiss you right now”. I can feel the smile i try to hide escape and light up my face. My heart is so painfully big, that's what it feels like, like it's going to explode inside me. “You better, i've been waiting on it since the first year on collage. Kiss me now, Han”.

He gives me a honest smile, like a kid on christmas morning as he starts leaning in.

I close my eyes as i wait for his lips to meet mine. But instead i feel his hot breath on top them as he mumbles “you know, i had a major crush on you but then i became Spiderman and Tony and i decided to try to keep you out of this life”. I chaste a small peck against his soft lips “just kiss me, parker”. He olbigates at one's and move his head to the side to press his lips against mine. Finally after 3 years of longing he kiss me so i can't really hold back the moan. that only seems to spear him on as hand hug my neck so he can press me closer. He taste like green tea and lemon mints. My hands go back to his locks, still surprised over how soft they are. His tongue swipes over my inner lips, begging for permission. I smile against the soft sensation but dont grant him he pleasure. His hand suddenly squeeze my ass leaving me gasping of shook. He takes advantage of my open mouth to move his tongue inside my mouth. It's so much, his wet lips, his hand, his curls bouncing between my fingers. I press my lower part hard against him out of pure instinct. I realized it turned out almost like a grind against his pants. He didn't seem to mind. “Fuck”, he groans as he starts kissing my jaw in tickles soft pecks “you are perfect”. I giggle as his pecks finds their way to a ticklish point. “Come here, big boy”, i'm completely out of breath from the kissing but can't wait another minute for his lips against mine again. Just as he's about to kiss me again we get interrupted by a loud voice “Parker?!”. Fuck. We stumble away from him and i stroke down my dress as fast as i can. “I told you one thing”, My dad point at Peter, who looks like a scared child getting caught doing something bad “not to touch my daughter”. At this point i'm starting to get tired of Tony “please daddy’”. I rarely call him daddy, and it seems to actually catch is attention. I walk forward and place both of my hands on his bearded cheeks “Just.. its 2018 dad, i don't need your approval, okay. I really like Peter. Not to be rude or anything, but could you maybe leave not, old man, we were in the middle of something”.

Dad scoffs offended but still lowers his finger. I can hear Papa laughing from the middle of the lab “yeah, tony, let the kids have their fun”. Like usually, i'm thankful Peter is actually my cool dad. “You heard your husband”, i smile, almost mockingly “let me have my fun”. Tony scoff again before pointing at Peter “i swear on my stark industri, if i found out you two have…. cuddled, i'm going to make sure to pull enough strings so you can't get a job in all of America”. Peters is beyond terrified as his adams apple move “yes, sir”. i nod as a silent “thank you” to Tony as i make my way back to Peter. “So”, i slide my hands over his shoulders “where were we?”. He shift his eyes between my dad's and i “i don't really feel safe kissing in front of them”. I chuckle well pressing my nose against his “they will just have to deal with it”. Then he pressed his lips against mine softly and sweet. My dad might not be 100 % okay with Peter at the moment, but i know he will eventually. So right now, it's all good.

[kmbtob-monthly]

July 2018 Story # 1 : Beautiful Melody

Title: Beautiful Melody

Author: Mika

Summary: Hyunsik met Melody in probably one of the most cliché way. Now seeing her walk down the aisle made him remember their moments and a lot of beautiful things about her.

---

As far as my eyes can see, faces of people I knew almost half of my life were there. All of them anticipated with glee for her to come through the doors of the chapel. And I was not an exception. As a matter of fact, I think I felt different kinds of emotions all at once that time.

When she appeared at the entrance, my heart raced at an increasing rate. To say that she is beautiful was an understatement.

She held a bouquet of pink and white peonies. I remember her saying that it’s her favorite for it embodies romance, prosperity and a happy marriage.

The moment our eyes met, I felt nostalgic. I can still remember in detail the day when I first saw her.

I met her in spring...

~

The moment when I first met you

It's still very clear

The moment you hugged me

"GET OUT OF THE WAY!" A voice bellowed from behind. I turned around and saw a speeding bike a few meters away from where I was standing.

The girl riding it seemed to have lost control of the bike as I saw her hand was continuously pressing the brake handle and still, it was not stopping. The downward slope of the road made the situation even worse.

"You might get hurt! Stay away!" She warned me again. But instead of avoiding her, I put down my guitar and readied myself to catch her. I don’t know exactly how I will do that but I can’t just let her go into a bigger trouble.

She hit an uneven part of the road, causing her to separate from the bike. The impact sent her flying.

“AAAAAAH!”

Everything happened so fast. I caught her with my arms and we stumbled on the ground where fallen cherry blossom petals were scattered.

“Are you okay?” I asked when I felt her grip on me loosened. She lifted her head, frightened eyes stare into mine. My face were inches away from hers and my breath hitched at the sight of her up close.

She’s pretty.

She pulled away from my embrace, I forgot that I was still holding her. “Y-yes, thank you.” she answered when we both stood up and shook the dirt off our clothes “How about you?” she asked full of concern.

I nodded then smiled and I saw her sigh in relief. We decided to check her bicycle that fell on the pavement. It was a good thing that no one was near us when the accident happened, so no one got hurt.

“The brake cable snapped off, that’s why it didn’t stop when you pulled the handle” I explained to her when I saw the cause. I can tell that she has been using it for a long time now. The color already faded, fenders were dented and the chain is rusty. “It’s not safe riding this, you must get it fixed.”

She said she was about to go home from the convenience store and forgot to check if the brakes were working. We were going the same direction so I picked up my guitar and walked with her, I learnt that they just moved in their new house a few days ago and she also transferred to the school where I go to. She pointed at a house a couple of steps from us. “That one is ours.”

And I pointed at one, two doors away from hers saying that it is where I live. We walked a little more and halted in front of her house “Thanks again for saving me, I’ll get my bike fixed.” her lips curved upward.

“No problem. You should, and always remember to check the brakes before riding it.” I said, adjusting my glasses.

“Yes, sir.” She jokingly saluted and we laughed “I’ll go in now.”

I nodded and waited for her to go inside but I just remembered something.

“Hey uh- I forgot to ask” she turned back to me “What’s your name?”

She smiled a toothy grin and I thought that was the most beautiful thing I’ve seen all day.

“Melody” she said “My name is Melody.”

Wow. Even her name is pretty.

“I’m Hyunsik.” Giving the same smile, I stated “Welcome to the neighborhood, Melody”.

And to cut a long story short, we became friends. We became comfortable around each other for we meet and talk everyday, whether in school or while going home.

In school, we also share the same circle of friends and teasing us became their habit. Melody and I will just shake our heads and laugh it off.

~

I know the whole world become brighter

I felt it was different from yesterday

Oh because of you everything has changed

“Is that a new song you are writing?”

I was too focused on what I was doing that I didn’t notice her sit next to me. We were under a tree nearest to the school building.

“Mm- yeah. It’s only halfway done.” I said still scribbling on the notebook.

“Can I hear a little bit of it?” I felt her move closer as she slightly pleaded “Just a teeny tiny bit?”

She knows that I won’t let her hear the song until it’s finished but her puppy dog eyes never fail to make me say yes.

She always wins.

“Okay okay, I’ll sing a bit” I surrendered.

“Yay!” Melody clasped her hands and I started to sing the chorus. She put her hands under her chin and leaned.

Just wait, I will fly high just like you Higher than the countless twinkling stars above you Just wait, I will always be by your side I’ll be your star that shines brighter than anyone else

She listened intently as I sing until the last line. When I finished, she clapped and her eyes twinkled with delight. “Woah Mr. Im Hyunsik! The song is soooo good and your voice is amazing as always.” She sincerely said “What’s the song called?”

“I haven’t decided on it yet.”

She was silent for a moment before saying “Star. How about ‘star’ for the title?”

I nodded in agreement “Star it is then.”

The next minute, we heard meowing sounds and she followed it to see where it came from. It led her to a bush. “Hyunsik, come and look at this” she called to me.

It’s a mother cat with three kittens, their colors were a mix of black, gray and white. Melody scooted down and carefully patted them “I bet you’re hungry, it’s almost lunch time” she talked to them. I watched her get a canned tuna from her bag. She opened it and fed the tuna to the kittens and their mother.

Melody has this soft spot for animals, especially for cats, albeit she can’t keep one because of pet allergy. She always carry cat/dog food or canned fish so that whenever she met stray cats or dogs, she’ll never think twice to entertain and feed them. Also, she always find time to volunteer in animal shelters.

“Imagine you are alone in the street, you have nowhere to go to, nothing to eat, and no one is there to take care of you. It’s sad right?” she said to me once. “If only people will just care more about these kinds of things then the world would have been a better place.”

If you’d ask me what is the most beautiful thing about her and I only need to pick one, I’d say it is her heart.

“They’re so cute, don’t you think so?” she looked up to me with happy eyes and she giggled. I heard her humming to the song I sang earlier.

At that moment, I noticed something different about her. But what is it?

Did she change her hair color?

Did she put make-up on?

Why does she look extra pretty today?

I might be over-reacting but I thought she was glowing.

It was the first time that I felt something different too.

~

When I close my eyes, I see you again

In my head, I only think of you

I somehow, only for today

I want to say it to you

Her eyes.

Her smile.

Her laugh.

My mind kept replaying scenes on the things that she does or the things she likes to do like when she likes something so much she’ll say “this is soooo good” for not less than 5 times or how she ties up her hair in a bun when she will do something that needs her full concentration or how she fiddles with her watch when she’s nervous or the way she sketches when she’s in a good mood and when she has nothing to do. Those little things I noticed whenever I secretly look at her.

I kept thinking about her. Not a day passed without me wanting to see her, wanting to hear her stories and her hearty laugh.

I wanted to confess that I like her but I just couldn’t bring myself to say it.

Prom came, Melody and I each had our own dates but that night, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her. She wore a simple maroon chiffon dress, light make-up and her hair had curls on the ends. Melody’s beauty radiates without her putting on too much effort.

I saw that she was genuinely happy....happily dancing with her date.

He is a transferee like her and he came from the US. The guy is her crush she often talks to me about. I silently hope that at some time, she’ll notice that I don’t really like that topic.

More days gone by and the feelings I have for her grew. My eating and sleeping habits were a mess. I keep spacing out and one day my brother snapped me out of it “You could just tell her, you know. What are you so afraid of?”

“What?” I just went back to my senses, we were taking a break from playing a video game and he just said that out of the blue.

“Melody. You like her, right?” He leaned back on the couch.

“I just couldn’t say it to her, hyung. I feel like I’ll ruin the friendship we have.” I hugged the cushion and buried my face.

“You should, Hyunsik. Either she feels the same way or not, that friendship will never be gone if it’s true.” He stood up and said “Besides, you’ll never really know what she feels about you if you don’t tell her. Worst case is, what if someone confesses before you do?” hyung left me and went to the kitchen.

As if on cue, my phone lit up and a text message came in.

From: 🎶

I ran some errands a while ago and decided to get the tickets since I’m near the cinema. Don’t forget later okay? See ya sikkie~

Oh right, we were supposed to watch The Incredibles 2 tonight. She kept telling me that she wants to watch it with me since the first Incredibles movie were both our fave movie of all time.

And then I remembered what my brother said.

I need to confess now.

~

8:30 p.m.

The movie won’t start ‘till 9 and here I am outside the movie place thinking of how I will bring it up to Melody.

I can do this, I repeated over and over.

I went inside and my eyes found her immediately. She wore a sky blue top and denim pants and was sitting at a table near the arcade.

I sneak up behind her and covered her eyes with my hands “Guess who~” I said in a higher pitch-female tone voice and I can’t help but giggle with what I was doing.

“You need to practice more, Im Hyunsik.” She confidently said.

“I’m not. You are wrong.” I said in the same tone.

She burst out laughing “Hyunsik! Stop with the voice already.”

I removed my hands and sat across her. “I know you too well to not recognize that it’s you.” She chuckled and rested her hand under her chin.

She did that twinkling eyes again I can’t help but stare at her. She was telling me something but I was not paying attention. I want to tell it to her. It’s now or never.

“Hey, are you still listening to me?” she tapped my hand that was on the table.

“Melody” I switched our hands and put mine on top of hers.

Her expression changed to a serious one “Hyunsik, is there something wrong?”

I pursed my lips and shook my head “No. There’s… there’s something I want to tell you.” my heart was beating so fast I think it’s going to explode.

It was a weekend so many people came to watch a movie but suddenly, all I can see is her.

She’s looking at me, her eyes telling me to go on “Melody, I’ve been wanting to say this to you for a long time. I-“

“Oh hey sorry, the line in the restroom is too long.” I was surprised when someone interrupted.

It was her prom date that she has a crush on.

He gave an apologetic smile and then looked at me “Hi! You’re Hyunsik right? Melody told me a lot of things about you. Don’t worry, they’re all good though.”

“Hyunsik, you remember Peniel right? He’s at the class next to ours.” She pulled her hand from mine and stood up from her seat, I felt the emptiness.

“Nice to meet you, bro.” he held out a hand.

I took it and greeted back. “Nice to meet you too, Peniel” I forced a smile but inside I was not really pleased in meeting him. Not to be rude, but he just ruined the moment.

I saw his hand intertwined with hers. I think I stopped breathing for a while.

“I’ll get us some popcorn, what flavor would you like?” He asked us both.

“Anything would be fine, Hyunsik and I eat everything.” She said then looked at me “Right?”

“Y-yeah, right.” I faked a laugh.

Peniel went to the counter and waited in line and Melody got back to her seat.

“What were you saying again?” she asked me.

“Oh that… I just want to tell you that uh- I finished ‘Star’. I already recorded and I’ll let you hear it.” I half lied. Well, I really finished it and I’ll give the song to her.

“Wow! Really? I can’t wait to hear the whole song. Every song you make is really good and worth to listen to everyday. I also let Peniel hear your other songs and he agrees with me.”

Since when were they that close? And since when are they dating that I didn’t even noticed it?

It seems like she read my mind “Oh, we’ve been constantly contacting each other since prom night and earlier he said he wanted to meet me. I was at the bank that time, mom asked me to make a deposit and I said to him that I’m going here, so we met here. And-“ I saw her blush before she continued “He confessed to me and I still can’t believe my crush likes me back.” She slightly squealed.

I felt like a bucket of ice cold water was poured on me. The whole night I continued to fake smiles and laughter.

Peniel is a gentleman and very kind, even to me. Whenever he asks her something, he’ll never forget to include me in the conversation. He’ll crack jokes about the characters in the movie that’ll make her laugh, from time to time he’ll feed her popcorn. I think I watched them more than the movie.

Her smile was different that time, she was blooming and oh how beautiful her lips curve up into a smile and her eyes formed tears from too much laughing.

I really wish that it was me making her laugh like that, making her eyes disappear to thin lines, making her happy.

It was supposed to be just the two of us.

It should’ve been me.

If only I was a little braver.

~

When you’re tired, when the tears fall out

Just remember this one

You are more precious than me

I will hold your two hands, I’ll be here

We graduated high school and we went to different universities. I majored in music while she majored in architecture. Albeit having different schools, we still had the same schedule. Peniel goes to the same university with Melody but they have different schedules so I still go home with her since our schools were just near to each other.

That’s the only time I can catch up things with her because her free days are for Peniel.

Now how can I argue with that?

I just can’t, because I’m only the bestfriend and he is the boyfriend. I let it be.

I tried getting out of this one-sided feelings by focusing on my studies, composing songs, spending time with my family and other friends.

But at the end of the day, it’s still her.

I also tried to look at other girls. I was in my last year in the university when this girl in one of my classes gave me homemade chocolates on Valentine’s Day and she confessed to me thru a letter.

I gave it a shot and dated her. I thought I was happy with her and that I have moved on but every time I’m with her, Melody was all I could think of. When she took care of me when I had a fever and I was at school, I remembered how Melody always bring me herbal drinks whenever I’m sick.

Every thing she does reminded me of Melody. We were nearing our anniversary when I decide to tell her how I really feel. I thought that I can reciprocate fully what she felt for me so I tried to focus on just us and we’ve come this far, but I guess my heart was really held by someone else.

It was New Year’s Eve, and I know how she loves watching fireworks so I took her to the rooftop of our school building because that is where it can be seen clearer and it’ll feel more closer.

As expected, she was very happy when it started “I feel like I can reach them with my hands.” She said chuckling and she looked at me “Thank you Hyunsik” she rested her head on my shoulder.

I thought about Melody again. We didn’t really had much time to talk with each other because college life had been busier and also we had different schedules now so we rarely see each other.

Is she also happy watching the fireworks now?

“Sami.” I held the hands of my girlfriend “I am glad that you liked it.” I brushed my thumb against the back of her hand and I inhaled deeply “I have been nothing but happy these past months. I realized you are a wonderful person as I got to know you more.” My eyes never left hers as I say those words.

“But I can’t go on with this anymore. When I’m with you, I can’t help but also think about her. I felt like I was cheating on you and you don’t deserve that. You don’t deserve me.” This time my gaze dropped to our hands, I swallowed hard “I’m sorry, I’m in love with someone else.”

I was waiting for her to cry and be angry with me but instead she gave my hand a squeeze and she lifted my chin so that we were face to face again.

“I know.” I was surprised with her reply

“When we took pictures in the photo booth in an arcade, you went to the restroom and left your wallet with me, our pictures came out and I decided to put it in your wallet.” She paused for a while “But when I opened it, I saw your picture with her. And I recalled the many times I’ve seen you staring at it, the happy tone of your voice and the different glint in your eyes whenever you mentioned her name to me. It made me jealous but I didn’t say it to you.”

My heart was breaking, that day we went to the arcade was our first date as a couple. I didn’t remove my picture with Melody because I didn’t have to. Or maybe… I didn’t want to.

“And that time when you introduced us to each other, I saw how you looked at her and I know that you’ll never look at me the way you do to her.” Her voice faded and she cleared her throat before continuing “This was the day that I feared the most, but I still prepared my heart for it. So don’t feel too bad, okay?” she smiled even though her eyes were glassy, she was fighting back her tears.

I pulled her into a hug “You are beautiful inside and out, someone is out there waiting for you and you deserve his full attention and love. You deserve to be really happy.” And I sincerely do want her to find the love and happiness that I can’t give “Thank you Sami, thank you for everything.”

She hugged me tighter, her voice was faltering “Thank you too, Hyunsik. I wish you luck and hope you’d be happy too.”

~

“Yes, sir. Thank you very much” I ended the call and shouted with glee “Yes!” I was accepted at Cube Entertainment and will become part of the music production team. It is a step closer in reaching my dream to become a producer.

I instantly thought of going to Melody. I want her to be the first one to know. After being an intern for a year and a half, she also got accepted in her dream company. As for Peniel, he went back to the US because his family misses him and so does he so when he got the opportunity to work there, he didn’t let the chance slip away.

Melody was hesitant about the long distance relationship at first but she didn’t want it to look like she was keeping him away from his family.

It was okay at first, Peniel’s contract there is 3 years and they’re halfway through the LDR. But as months passed by, even if she doesn’t say it, I noticed that Melody got sadder. She told me they rarely talk now and sometimes Peniel would sleep in the middle of their conversation because of the different time zones and he got busier as work loads got heavier.

I stood outside her apartment door and rang the doorbell, no one answered. I rang it another time. Still, no answer. I purposely didn’t text her for I wanted to say the good news to her personally. But, she’s not at home.

Where could she be?

I fished out my phone from my pocket, I was about to dial her number when it buzzed and musical notes appeared on the screen.

“Hyuuuuunshiiiik… he he he” she said on the other line when I answered.

“Melody, where are you? Are you drunk?” I quickly noticed the way she spoke.

She stifled a laugh “Nooooo…. We came heeeere… last time…. Changsub’s birthdaaay… lights are really pretty here.. you know?” she giggled in between her words

“Stay there okay? I’m going to you.” I hurriedly drove to the bar where our friend Changsub had his birthday party last week. I hope she’s not too drunk, people might take advantage of her.

My worries subsided a little when I saw her sitting on the gutter just outside the bar. Melody was clutching her bag and she rested her left cheek on top of it. I can’t help but admire her peaceful face. I crouched down and woke her up “Melody” I slightly shook her arm “Come, on I’ll take you home.”

She lifted her head. She smiled widely as soon as she recognized me. “sikkieeee” her limbs encircled my arm and pulled it close to her “you smell niiiice… he he” I chuckled at her actions. Whenever she’s drunk, she’s clingy and tends to say a lot of cringey things.

She let go of my arm and looked at me again “You” she pointed at my face “cutieeee… you look so cute todaaay” I stifled a laugh “You think so?”

She nodded “Uh-huh… you’re Mr. Im Cutesik todaaay.. cutesik… cutesikkieee... cutiesikkie” she sing sang and I swear my heart fluttered.

I made her stand up and supported her body as I walk her to the car. She was still chanting the nickname until we reached her place.

I sat her on the sofa and she leaned sideways, her hair covering her face and within seconds, I heard small sobs. I sat next to her and reached for her hand “Hey, what’s the matter?”

She didn’t say anything and cried louder. I wrapped her in my arms, it was the first time I saw her cry like that. She usually cry over sad songs and movies but not like this. This was different. She was crying her heart out.

I wanted to punch whatever or whoever hurt her.

When she calmed down she leaned back on the sofa “We’re over-” she sniffed “We fight every time we talk… I’m so tired of it.” the sadness in her voice made my heart ache “Peniel... he- he’s going to stay there for good.” She cried again after that.

I brought her to bed when she stopped crying and tucked her in “You’re tired, sleep now.”

She clutched the hem of my shirt “Don’t leave me.” She said in a weak voice

I nodded and smiled to assure her “I won’t.”

I lied down beside her. Her eyes slowly closed when I ran my fingers through her hair and started to hum a lullaby.

I watched her sleep that night. She tossed and turned, her legs and arms were going everywhere, and her mouth was slightly opened. It was a funny scene to look at and she must’ve been really tired and sad.

But even with those things, she still looks beautiful to me.

~

So you can be happy, you can always laugh

I will always be there

Every moments of moments

I promise to protect you

The day after she got drunk, I took care of her. I learned that Peniel’s contract was extended and he decided to stay there for good. The relationship didn’t work out anymore and they didn’t end on a good note.

Since then I told myself that I wouldn’t let anything or anyone make her cry like she did that night again. I wanted to help her move on and so I did.

But, it was not easy. She still cried for more than a week or two so I encouraged her to do new hobbies and focus on other things like playing sports, or video games, tuning in to k-pop and stuffs, travelling to different countries and I slowly observed her improvement because I am with her in every step of the way.

She was getting better everyday and when I saw her beautiful smile more often, I know that the Melody I knew is back. She may not have totally gotten over him but at least she’s not crying anymore.

I started writing a song and this time I want to sing it to her personally, conveying all my feelings for her. Nothing is holding me back this time.

In more or less 2 days, I have finished the song and I called her to meet up with me later that day. I brought my guitar with me and also bought her favorite peonies.

I put in my whole heart to the song. It portrays the things I want to say to her and to remind her over and over how she is important to me and that I’ll never leave her side.

This time, I’ll confess with no hesitation. I’ll tell her that I love her and that from the start it has always been her.

I’ll never forget that day.

Because that day, was the turning point of my life.

~

Thank you that you are there for me

you are here

I promise that I will love you forever

Baby, baby you are the one

When I wrote this song, I thought of marrying her. I promised to myself that one day, in God’s will, I’ll sing it to her as her groom.

Now that I am here in front of Melody, singing the song I wrote for her and she was wearing a wedding dress, it was like a dream come true.

So you can be happy, you can always laugh

I will always be there

Every moments of moments

I promise to protect you

I sang my whole heart out looking at her, I saw how her two orbs shined, how her smile reached her eyes, how stunning she is.

The entire song I was looking at her.

Even though she looked at someone else.

Her happy eyes and wide smile were for the man beside her.

She is the bride.

But the groom is not me.

That day when I decided to confess for real, she didn’t show up. It turned out that the man she had always loved came back to her that same day.

Peniel left everything to be with Melody and they got back together and a year after, they decided to get married.

I never really got the chance to say to her how I feel. But at least as a singer for their wedding, I was lucky that I can sing it to her.

When you’re tired, when the tears fall out

Just remember this one

You are more precious than me

I will hold your two hands, I’ll be here

I will never forget the first time we met. I’ll always keep in my heart the memories I had with her, and the things she does and likes to do.

I will never leave her side whenever things get tough and I’ll always be the bestfriend whenever she needs one.

I will always remember her beautiful eyes that twinkled, her beautiful laugh that resonated, her beautiful mind that thinks, her beautiful heart that loves and always cares and all the beautiful things about her.

And I’ll always be here for her.

My Beautiful Melody

[quiltdeer52-blog]

Cranberry Bliss Bars

Tis’ the season for Cranberry Bliss Bars! So first of all let me preface this blog post by mentioning that I could house an entire box of Starbucks Cranberry Bliss Bars to myself. In one sitting. They are one of my all-time favorites. So I decided to make a gluten-free, grain-free, copycat version because why the hell not?! It’s Christmas!

Okay so another thing I should maybe mention is that I’m obsessed with Christmas. Like OBSESSED obsessed. I put my tree up the day after Thanksgiving and I’ve had eggnog in my fridge since late September. What?! I can’t help it. Christmas is the best. Mainly because everything is covered in lights, Uggs are acceptable footwear, scarves are the best accessory, and the baking is on point. Oh man is the baking on point. Not only is baking so fun and delicious, but then you can also use the heat from the oven to heat your house, so it’s kind of like you’re saving money. Is it? No, it’s not, but just go with it.

So I also have been meaning to write a follow up to my July blog post about how I quit drinking for 8 months. Oh, you haven’t read that post yet? Well let’s go ahead and pause here so you can get caught up. It’s fine, I’ll wait…

And we’re back. So lots of you wonderful blog readers have reached out wondering, “What the heck Vanessa, are you a full-blown alcoholic again after your Honeymoon, or what? The people are dying to know.” So let’s go ahead and get right on into it, here’s my recap: I drank on our Honeymoon, I had champagne, piña coladas, dirty martinis, the works. I really enjoyed myself and I was surprisingly not hungover at all. I think the most drinks I had in one day would be about 4 though, so it’s not like I was a college girl after finals or anything.

I definitely felt and still feel myself sliding back in though. As I type this it’s only be 6 days since I’ve had a drink. After vacation ended I stayed sober until I visited a friend in San Francisco for my birthday (about a month total) and then I didn’t drink at all the month of October, I did a “Sober October” to try and get my sh!t together. Then November came in hot! I’ve basically drank every weekend in November, usually 3-4 drinks, sometimes in one day, sometimes over the whole weekend. We visited family in Tucson earlier in the month, then I had a friend in town, and then it was Thanksgiving…blah blah blah excuses, excuses. So I basically feel like someone who is walking up a steep hill and then every few feet or so, I slide back down part of the way. I believe “a slippery slope” is the easier and technical way to say that right? Ugh. See. Alcohol makes you dumb. Even after 6 days without it.

The original plan was to only drink on Holidays, special occasions, or when it’s really worth it. That plan has proven much harder to stick to than I originally thought it would. I think I just want to be one of those “in moderation” people so bad that I’m like, “Oh yeah, totally, I can make that work.” I’m still going to earnestly give that route a try because it makes the most sense to me. So the goal now is to make it until Christmas Eve without a drink and then start fresh in the New Year and go as long as I can again.

Each time I drink now I make a conscious effort to really ask myself, “What is it about this that I think I like so much?” because to be completely honest, the last few times I’ve gotten buzzed, it’s given me a sort of nervous paranoid anxiety that made me feel like, “I don’t like this, I feel uncomfortably fuzzy, I can’t articulate what I’m trying to say to this person, and I feel like everyone knows I’m drunk.” but then I still continue to do it anyway.  Why? Is it to just check out of reality for a second? Or make things more challenging just for the fun of it? What is it? I’m still trying to figure this out.

On our 6 hour road trip to Tucson, Brad and I played the New York Times 36 Questions to Love which you are actually supposed to play with someone you’ve never met, but I thought it would be a good way to kill time. We’re married, so obviously we already knew a lot of the answers to the questions about each other, but it was still fun and there were actually quite a few that we didn’t know about each other. Like Question 1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? He said me! Isn’t he the best?! That’s why I married him, but then I made him pick someone else besides me and he said Jesus. Which I thought was strange since he doesn’t believe in God, but anyway that’s another blog post for another time.

Fast forward to Question 12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? His answer was amazing, he said, “I’d wake up without any vices.” Well, wow, that got me thinking (mainly because my answer was something dumb like be invisible or be able to sing) what causes us to have vices or need vices? Is that why I think I’m entitled to a drink whenever I want one? Is it because we live in a world where we feel entitled to our vices? Like we’ve earned them?

So I guess the Cliff’s Notes version of this blog post is I’ve realized I don’t particularly enjoy drinking that much anymore, but I’m still doing it anyway, and I have no idea why. Maybe I need therapy?! Or maybe I just need to read This Naked Mind again. Then the other part of me is like, who cares, YOLO, just drink and be merry. It’s the quintessential angel and devil on each shoulder.

So knowing what I know now, would I have still chosen to drink on my honeymoon or would I have continued my non-drinking stretch? The answer is yes, I would have still drank regardless. I enjoyed having piña coladas in St. Barth’s and having expensive champagne on my wedding night in St. Maarten, and drinking a cocktail as I watched the sun set over Anguilla. Yes. I’d do it again and again. It was part of the experience for me, and while it’s true that I know I would have had just as much fun without it, I still liked the feeling of just letting my hair down and completely indulging with no guilt. Just like you’re supposed to do on vacation.

As someone who rarely lets their hair down, meaning that figuratively rather than literally, because I’ve actually been wearing my hair down a lot lately, as I feel a workout bun is just not an appropriate way to present myself to society, no matter how convenient it may be and I spend way too much money cutting and coloring my hair to just throw it up so no one can see. I’m rambling aren’t I, where were we again? 

Ah! Letting my figurative hair down felt really nice and carefree. And since I’m an abstainer, it’s hard for me to get out of the drinking cycle, if I’m still drinking on weekends. Are you as confused as I am? It’s hard getting all of your random thoughts and feelings into one concise point or blog post, so forgive me if this post seems scattered. I blame the alcohol obviously. 😉

I’m excited to see what 2018 has in store! I’m excited to get off the drink again and get back to that place where I was living my best life and things weren’t so foggy. As much as our society worships alcohol, I think there is really something to be said about living an alcohol-free life. It’s charming almost, simple and charismatic.

So anywho! That’s that. The married life rules too in case you were wondering. I love it! Everyone I tell that to says, “Oh well enjoy it while you can, that will change real soon!” Um, excuse me, that’s not nice. Be nice. Speaking of being nice, you absolutely have to make these copycat Cranberry Bliss Bars because they are just too delicious not to, they are very nice. So nice in fact that I think Santa took them off the ‘Naughty’ list just for you.

12 tablespoons (170 g) salted butter, browned

2 cups (184 g) sifted fine grain blanched almond flour

1/4 cup (40 g) coconut flour

1½ teaspoons baking soda

1 teaspoon cream of tartar

¼ teaspoon fine-grain sea salt

¼ teaspoon ground ginger

1 cup (135 g) sifted maple sugar

2 large eggs, room temperature

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 cup (6 oz./180 g) white chocolate, chips or chopped

½ cup (70g) dried cranberries

16 ounces (452g) cream cheese, softened (see Notes for dairy-free option)

8 tablespoons (112g) unsalted butter, softened

1 cup (115g) (70g) powdered sugar, or sifted maple sugar

¼ cup (60ml) light-colored raw honey

1 teaspoon orange extract

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

½ cup (50g) finely chopped dried cranberries, for garnish

½ cup (90g) white chocolate, chips or chopped, for garnish

Brown the butter by placing it in a medium-sized heavy-bottomed saucepan (2.5qt./2.3L) and cook over medium-low heat. Stir intermittently using a rubber spatula. As the butter melts it will start to bubble and foam. As the butter continues to brown, the color will turn from lemon yellow to amber and go from a loud bubble to quiet simmer. When the butter is ready, brown specks will have formed at the bottom of the pan and some will start rise in the foam. The butter will also have a very pleasant nutty aroma. Remove from the heat and let cool for about 15 minutes. While butter is cooling prepare other ingredients.

In a large mixing bowl combine the almond flour, coconut flour, baking soda, cream of tartar, ground ginger, and salt. Stir together using a fork until well combined; set aside. In a separate medium mixing bowl add the maple sugar.

Once the butter has cooled, use a rubber spatula to transfer it into the maple sugar bowl, use the spatula to scrape in the browned bits as well. Beat together the butter and sugar with an electric mixer on low speed until combined, about 1 minute. Once the butter and sugar are mixed together, add eggs one at a time, mixing well after each, and then add the vanilla. Increase mixer speed to high and continue to beat until smooth bubbles appear on the surface, about 1 minute.

Transfer the wet egg mixture to the dry mixture. Use the spatula to scrape out any remaining liquid in the bowl. Beat on low until thoroughly combined. Then mix in the white chocolate and cranberries by hand. Scrape the dough down into the bowl and cover with plastic wrap, pressing directly on the surface. Place in the freezer to chill for one hour.

About 15 minutes before the hour is up, adjust oven rack to the middle position. Preheat the oven to 350°F (177°C). Line a 9x13 quarter sheet pan with parchment paper; set aside.

Once the dough is chilled, use fingertips to grab some dough and spread the dough evenly across the pan. Place a piece of parchment paper over the dough and roll out until the dough reaches the edges of the pan. It will rise during baking. Bake for 22-25 minutes or until browned on the top and edges and a toothpick comes out clean. Make sure the middle is cooked through completely. Cool completely before frosting.

Add the cream cheese and butter to a large mixing bowl or to the bowl of a stand mixer. Beat together using a hand mixer or stand mixer set on medium speed until fluffy and combined. Gradually add the sugar, beating well after each addition. Then add the honey, vanilla, and orange extract and continue to mix until smooth and creamy.

Use an angled frosting spatula to spread the frosting across the cookie layer. To garnish, sprinkle the dried cranberries across the frosting.

Melt the white chocolate in the top pan of a double boiler over simmering water. Stir until smooth. Another method is to place the white chocolate in a large glass or metal mixing bowl set over a saucepan of simmering water. Stir intermittently, using a rubber spatula, until the white chocolate is completely melted. Once melted, let slightly cool, then transfer to a piping bag or re-sealable plastic bag with the corner cut off. Drizzle across the top of the frosting.

Use a sharp large chef’s knife to cut into 12 squares, wiping the blade after each cut. Then cut each square in half diagonally. Serve immediately. Store any leftovers covered in the refrigerator for up to 4 days.

To make these dairy-free, sub ghee for the butter (I recommend Tin Star Browned Butter Ghee or 4th Heart Ghee) and sub dairy-free cream cheese for the cream cheese in the frosting. Kite Hill makes a great dairy-free cream cheese and you can find their products in health food stores across the country. Omit white chocolate chips or use a dairy-free version.

Clean Eating with a Dirty Mind http://cleaneatingwithadirtymind.com/

December 1, 2017 | 17 Comments

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Tags: Bars, Cookies, Eggnog, Holidays, Paleo Desserts

Source: http://cleaneatingwithadirtymind.com/2017/12/01/cranberry-bliss-bars/

[notherwise]

seventeen-hundred and ninety-seven.

June 2, 2018 is a Saturday.

I wake up when the air is a dim lavender shade. I know this because I have woken up here frequently. The walls are windows. But I don’t have to open my eyes to know this, too. So I stretch.

My joints snap their reminders of past lives. The sheets crinkle is loud so near my right ear. Because the room is an evelope tucked in the fog. Near silent. Light’s a softer symphony, lifting the measures of shadows to pale blue on the inside of my eyelids. I’m on my side; rolled, not warm or cold. I’m home. I’m back asleep. 

These are the few minutes before the light cloaks the room in a cool, white fuzz. I untuck myself halfway, wanting to feel the day’s new air. I am wearing a navy teddy, like a suit. It’s tight. It supports. It’s cut to the top of my hips. 

Without looking, I reach for my phone. I read the messages on my back. Since it’s saturday, I don’t read news feeds. Instead, I have messages to me from around the world to read. I have email with some feedback on a project. It’s positive. It includes specific suggestions towards progress. The piece is too long. It needs to be read in less than 17 minutes. I like condensing my writing; it’s my favorite challenge.

So I’m smiling. I get up. 

Outside, I can’t see much. The neighbors are the nearby folds of the hills I’m in. They are only a couple hundred yards away but even they fade out in the fog. From pale green to that quiet white-blue light. 

Now across the room, I put on a cashmere sweater. (I am still in my early- or...mid-thirties). I brush  my teeth in a room with the window open. The air is cool and drafts in through the window to my feet, but the floor doesn’t feel cold. Ruby is trotting around like a muppet; she’s happy. I’m not worried about being able to take care of her anymore. 

Or much else..

Since I left LA, I held onto only the essentials. Someone wrote me a poem about not grasping. Like a desert snake, I left the dry city and shed the chronic, cluttered fear of running out. I am not that child anymore, tending to a hectic menagerie of people, places, things. I have enough. Nothing is in my life because of inertia. 

Since I left LA, my focus was on progress, not survival. 

I go down a flight of wide, open stairs. The downstairs is open for the most part though you can’t see the entire space from any part of the room. Unlike the upstairs room, it has only high skylights on all of the visible walls except for a set of large, glass sliding glass panels. It’s a home for me. There is no threat.

I want coffee. 

I make it and walk out a frameless sliding door onto a deck. Even though it’s the downstairs of the house, it’s elevated above a narrow driveway whose end was out of sight. 

The coffee i get to have is hot and a little acidic. It’s in a blue cup. It’s got cream in it. 

I’m sitting outside in the cloud while I drink it. It rains but I do not get wet at all. I think of nothing. 

When I finish, I am back inside. I go to my studio. It’s in the corner, tucked behind a wall. It has large windows. The tree branches outside are close. A treehouse theatre for evening storms over the shorline a few miles away. Despite the modern windows, the room has dark walls, dark shades, dim light. It could become the intellectual holding pen of de Sade if that was what isolation required. But for now, nothing was so dire. The shades were open. It was lightening up with the day. It’s still early.

When I left LA, I put together my first artifact. a set of 12 prints about being exposed by social media and life on the internet. I named it Naked in Public. It represented a transition I went through getting to and getting out of LA, how i became an artist. 

I work. 

The project is a reflection of confidence and breathtaking stubbornness. I am writing a talk about the time I saw god in Montana. I get to stand in front of people and talk about the time I woke up with DTs in Washington DC, about driving to the west coast and flying back. I get to talk about how, if you want to be an artist, you can’t be a pussy. 

I’ve also written about dating artists. It’s comedy. But it’s a guidebook. But not just a book; I perform it. I am a performer. This is fun for me because speaking in front of people always makes me a little nervous until i start. I learned this by teaching and also by racing. But I’m a long way away from explaining organic chemistry to pre-med college students or training for the olympics. 

I am an introvert. But i’m charming. People are starting to get this about me. I get to consult on projects when the other creative weirdos are having trouble. I’ve gotten to work on films, tv shows, art concept, and speeches for other motherfuckers. 

By mid-morning, i want to run. 

I left my mind be blank and listen to the sound of my feet. If I’ve spoken any actual words on this day so far, they’ve been few. By the end of the walk, the fog is clearing up and the light gets more golden. 

By the time I am back, I’m hungry. It’s not a problem. I drink a glass of lemon water in the shower. I dry off and put lotion on my skin. I feel cool. I dry my hair without getting hot. There are no dry ends. The air is not humid. It falls soft on my back. I put on a dress. Fuck pants. I hate pants. I declared war on pants back in april 2013 and haven’t been seen in them since. 

I feel fucking perfect. I go out to have lunch with someone who loves the fuck out of me. Lunch lasts a while. We catch up in no rush. This is routine. After lunch, we do whatever the fuck we want. Some weeks, it’s a museum or a party. But on June 2, 2018, I decide to be naked. We are home in the bed by the windows. Then we swim in the saltwater pool. 

When I am awake in the water, I get out. I lie in the evening sun. It’s cooling but it’s fiery red on the inside of my closed eyelids. I brush my hair w my fingers and walk back through the glass doors, up the stairs and to the shower. 

I am alone at first and then not. It’s familiar and sweet. We are clean; we get out. Ruby is napping in the bed but she wakes up as I come out into room and get dressed. 

I tie up my hair, get dressed in all indigo. 5 people come over. we cook dinner. we drink wine. we are all in love for the moment. 

i eat sardines w lemon and olive oil on toast w salt. i drink water when I don’t want anymore wine. For a few seconds, I watch my person smiling and talking across the table, until they notice. Our eyes catch.

Today I am brave enough to keep their eyes with mine until we both smile, alone with each other for a second. 

After dinner, we sit in chairs on the deck and look at the sky and talk. There is always something to talk about. Tonight, what I have to contribute to the conversation is how I am feeling about the thing I’m writing. The thing about god and what that is, but I lack the words for this. 

After saying goodbyes, I walk up the wood stairs and they creek under the footsteps. the lights go off, and my clothes go off, and i’m wearing that navy lace. and i get kisses on the back of my neck, and i get to hold and be held. and the sheets crinkle, and the light is a dark, lavender shade. and the world is quiet. and i have the words suddenly that I lacked under the sky. 

this is this. 

(7.1.13)

[secret-rendezvous1d]

Jamaican Babymoon.

joint holiday with gem n michal!!

I decided that, since I haven’t written a lot about Gemma and Michal and I haven’t done a lot about the missus being pregnant with Persephone, I’d slot the two together and write a babymoon story/joint holiday. 

A mixture of fluff and smut and pregnancy sex, with Harry doting and loving and admiring how gorgeous his wife looks as a pregnant lady homing his baby girl. I apologise on the rustiness of the smut at the end; pregnancy smut is something that I haven’t written and tried out before in my stories so let me know if there are any improvements that need to be made - I know there must be a few, so, don’t let them lay low. Bring them forward.

FEEDBACK WOULD BE GREAT. 

* Warning: This story contains mature language, mature scenes and the use of anatomical terms. It also includes some smut visuals so if you’re uncomfortable, then, please skip those areas or miss the story completely. *

Enjoy! xx

WEDNESDAY, 18TH JULY, 2018. 8:00AM. GATWICK AIRPORT.

“Are you comfy? Do you want to swap seats? Maybe sitting on the outside will be a bit more comfier for you,” you heard Harry murmur from beside you, deep and raspy with his chin dipped to his chest, his fingers fumbling with the seat belt loose around his hips as he tried to unclip it from his body, “you look too squished in that seat. 9 hours won’t be comfortable for you like that.”

“Harry, I’m fine. I have plenty of room to move around and-” you sighed in sudden annoyance, shuffling away from the jerking elbow that nudged into your hip, interrupting you mid-sentence and forming a frown on your face as you gently pushed him back, “I’m not comfortable with your elbow in my hip, though. I already had two legs and two arms kicking at my insides and using me like a punchbag. I don’t need you doing it on the outside,” you moaned, running a hand over your bump as you felt an on-cue kick being pushed into the upper side of your curve, “can you just sit still? Please? And stop panicking and worrying over me.”

“I don’t want you getting uncomfortable, love. This flight is lengthy,” he sighed, relaxing back in his seat as he looked down the aisle of the plane, catching sight of Gemma and Michal a few rows down. Her platinum-coloured hair eye-catching amongst the brunettes that littered the seats in the tiny, compact plane, “I still think we should have gone for business class. First class seats would have been better for you. More space to move and whatnot.”

“You’re beginning to stress me out, Harry,” you hissed softly, looking across to him as his eyes focused on the end of the aisle where people were still clambering on-board the aircraft and pushing their bags into the overhead compartments, “I’m perfectly fine here, okay? We’re a good few rows from the loos incase I need to go and we have a hostess who’s willing to help is if I, or we, need it. Calm down.”

But he couldn’t calm down.

His new-father instincts had hit him at full force.

They peaked to the top from the moment you’d left the doctor's office a short few months back, in the dreary London weather, with the happy confirmation that you could fly the tedious 9 hours to Jamaica. He turned into a nervous and worrying first-time dad, who wanted to double check and make sure everything was smoothly flowing and at a pace you were comfortable with, even though he couldn’t slow it down. Asking you if you were sure you wanted to fly to somewhere exotic, and, reminding you that the website for the small treehouse of Chewton Glen was still very much sitting in an open tab on his laptop, ready to be booked for a week of relaxation. Because deep down, he didn’t mind missing out on the opportunity on jetting off to an exotic, hot location to spend the last trip together. He was fine with a car ride towards the sea, hidden away in the depths of the forest, with the gentle and calming sounds of the wildlife and nature surrounding the four of you.

With a written notice, formally scribed by the doctor, to hand over to the check-in desk at Gatwick, you were more than set and ready to go and shop and pack for the small babymoon vacation. A trip you’d been eager to get on from the moment it had been planned further. Ignoring and keeping his worries at bay as you promised him that it was something you wanted to do before you became a mother to a newborn baby. When times would change and you no longer had the freedom to jet off and relax in a country with Harry, at the click of your fingers or by spontaneity on Valentine's Day.

He couldn’t help but worry.

“I can’t help it,” he grumbled, swallowing thickly as he brushed a hand over the 7-month swell resting on your thighs, “this could be our last, relaxing trip together for a while and I want it to be as perfect for you as possible. Are you sure you’re comfortable? Not too squished up to the side? I can switch places. I knew we shouldn’t have let Gemma book the seats when she went into town,” he moved into a whisper, a smile toying on his lips as your little girl kicked at his warm touch. Her foot coming into contact with his palm, “hey, Poppet. Are you awake, hm? Are you ready for a long flight to Jamaica, hm?”

“I’m hoping she stays off my bladder for a while. I don’t want to pee myself when we’re still taking off,” you sighed, tilting your head to the side and resting your cheek on his shoulder, “did you pack me some more clothes, just in case?”

He nodded swiftly, sliding his arm around your shoulders and pulling you as close as he could to his side, minding the armrest that jutted out between the seats and cut off any close proximity that you desired from your husband. His brown YSL shoulder-bag tucked up in the overhead compartment contained an extra jumper for the flight, because he knew you got a little chilly up in the air, and summer clothes to change into when the excessive heat radiating from the sky had become too much for a jumper and jeans. His fingers brushing over the material of your upper arm and sending tingles down your limb, a smile on your face as you nudged your nose against his shoulder.

“Packed one of my jumpers in case you get cold during the flight, too. And I’ve got the blanket from the sofa tucked into the bottom,” he hummed, pressing his raspberry lips to your hair and leaving a kiss in their wake, “go to sleep. You look exhausted.”

“I’m fine. I like the take-off. It means we’re properly off on our trip,” you admitted, sliding a hand across his belly and giving him a soothing pat, “you’ve got your own baby belly forming, hm? Are you pregnant, too? Have we got two Styles babies coming rather than one?”

A belly that had become much more softer over the last 7 months. Forming a little ring beneath his t-shirt and feeling a little rounded under your touch, his love-handles now poking over the waist of his jeans, with enough flesh for your fingers to pinch teasingly at.

A snicker left him as he rolled his head back, feeling the headrest of his seat carefully behind him, eyes closed in contentment as the banging sounds of the doors closing to the aircraft echoed and filtered around the confined space. The final group and huddle of standing people congregating in the aisle soon came to a decrease as they found their seats in the plane, smiling towards those strangers who they were sat with as the cabin crew made a double check on the overhead compartments being clicked shut properly.

“Welcome aboard the British Airways international flight to Jamaica. This is your captain speaking. We’ll soon be heading off towards the runway to start our journey towards the sunny destination. For now, just, sit back and relax and watch the demonstration your cabin crew will be showing,” the deep voice of the captain sounded around the space, through the speakers connected about each seat, as the plane began to back out of the terminal with a rocking motion.

“Are you sure you’re comfortable for take-off? We can switch quickly whilst they showing us the health and safety,” Harry checked, taking one final, worrisome glance towards you as you sighed heavily and nodded, “I promise that was the last time I’ll ask you. I just want to be sure you’re comfortable. Back feeling okay? Not too painful?”

“It’s fine, Peaches. I’m fine. Baby’s fine. My back’s fine,” you assured him, rubbing his knee softly before turning your attention to the slow-moving scenery outside of the plane. Heathrow airport disappearing out of sight, the closer the captain moved towards the runway, “my feet might get a bit swollen in the air though. And I might get a little sick. The doctor did say it was prone to happening.”

“And my hands are waiting to put my massage skills to the test,” he grinned cheekily, “are you ready for this trip? You feel ready to relax? Forget all about work and London and getting surrounded by people. It’s just me and you. And Gemma and Michal.”

“I’m more than ready, Harry. We need this, don’t we? We don’t have much time together, to relax, when we’re at home. You’re always called off to work sometimes or you’re hidden away in your office. Finishing off lyrics or writing emails. I miss you even when we’re together,” you sighed softly, “London was beginning to drive me crazy. More crazy now that I’m pregnant. I need some final sun-kissed days before we don’t get this luxury time together anymore.”

“I’ll always make time for you, Gorgeous,” he hummed.

“Please make sure all electronics, mobiles phones, tablets, laptops, are all switched off for our ascent towards Jamaica. We shall be starting our departure in the next 5 minutes. The estimated time of arrival in Jamaica will be mid-day, Jamaican time. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the inflight entertainment, movies, music and games, that we have on offer today. Our cabin crew will be making their first drink and food call shortly after we stay flat in the air.”

A grin formed on Harry’s face as the plane came to a halt at the start of the runway, the chatter on the plane coming to a stop as the attendants to the flight began to prepare for the take-off.

“Cabin crew, please prepare for take-off.”

* *

“We should have gotten seats altogether on this jet. I’m so bored now that Michal’s gone to sleep. I swear, he went to bed really early last night and promised me he’d stay awake so we could adjust the times together,” Gemma grumbled in annoyance, leaning her forearms on the back of Harry’s chair and letting a sigh escape her parted lips, “how is she feeling anyway? Has she been sick anymore? I’ve got some water in my bag.”

And sick you were.

Once the seatbelt signs had switched off above your heads, and your ears had stopped popping at the change in altitude, the motion of the plane settling in the air hadn’t made your stomach stay sweet and kind. The baby, twisting in its temporary home, had made the butterflies turn into something unpleasant. A frown furrowing upon your brow line once you felt your gut begin to bubble, and, your hand clasping around Harry’s as your cheeks began to lose colour and your forehead began to feel clammy.

“One of the cabin crew found some tablets in the medical kit down the back end. She took a few and thankfully, she’s not been sick much after the first bought. The doctor did say we’d experience some motion sickness at the beginning of the flight, so, we were kind of expecting this. Got plenty of sick bags tucked into the side zip on my carry-on” Harry chuckled lightly, tightening his arm around your shoulders as you nestled closer to his body. The blanket from his bag now unfolded and thrown over your body to keep you cosy, “I’ve got loads of water in my bag, too. Probably set for the next week, to be honest.”

“She’s alright, yeah?”

It was the first time he’d ever heard worry fill his sister’s voice. And, as someone who was older and more experienced in some life events, worry wasn’t something that Gemma liked to show often during times of weakness.

He’d seen her worry the most when their mother had taken a turn for the worse after her divorce with their father, becoming the strongest one out of the three to keep them together. Taking on the role of mother and making sure he was off to school on time and dressed appropriately to the weather. Reading him a bedtime story when he couldn’t sleep and reminding him that his bath was running and ready for him to climb into. Asking him if his homework was completed and helping him with his spelling work, praising him like any older sister would do.  

He’d seen her worry backstage when he was seconds away from stepping on stage. Her fingers in her mouth as she nibbled on her cuticles and scraped at the nail-varnish still coating her nails, her limbs shaking in anticipation as he gave his pre-performance telly speech and made his way towards the stage. Holding onto Anne’s arm and hiding between her parents as they cheered loudly to the delicious flow leaving his mouth, filling the arena and receiving cheers and a standing ovation.

He’d seen her worry when their mother was about to walk down the aisle. As her bridesmaid, and her only daughter, Gemma was put on the duty of making sure the day had gone by without a problem. Running havoc from the moment she woke to the moment her mother walked down the aisle as Mrs Anne Twist.

He never expected her to worry over something as simple as sickness, but, in his heart, he was content that his sister was as caring over his wife as he was.

“‘Course she is, Gem. Don’t worry, okay? She’s in good hands,” Harry smiled, pressing his lips to your hairline and letting it linger softly against your warm skin, “I’m sure, once she wakes up from her nap, she’ll be as right as rain. The doctor said she wasn’t going to experience motion sickness the whole trip.”

“Let me know if she gets worse,” Gemma smiled, raking a hand through his hair and hearing him hum softly in agreement. Her toes pushing her up to she could grab a peek over to where your body was nestled into his warm side, a tiny smile toying on your lips and colour flushing over your cheeks, “she looks good though. Only another 5 hours to go, eh?”

“She’s endured longer during this pregnancy. Our trip to LA a few months back was 11 hours,” Harry whispered, looking up towards Gemma, “she’s alright. It gives me an excuse to have more cuddles with her, ye’ know? This won’t happen much longer.”

“You’ll get a baby to cuddle though, H. That’s even better.”

Holding babies was something that kept him sane.

His mind never drifted off towards having an extravagant life of luxuries. A big house, a nice car, designer brands and the best hair products to keep his mane from becoming damaged and thinning out.

His mind always shifted to family and how he’d treat and spoil his family with products and clothing that his hard-earned money could afford. He wanted to come home with a bouquet of flowers tucked under his arm, for you, and a new outfit that he’d seen on his way home from the tube station, for his baby.

“I guess so,” he smiled, brushing gentle fingers over your baby bump and chuckling softly when he felt a kick. Strong and powerful at the lightest touch.

“Stop makin’ her move,” you grumbled into his shirt, “her kicks wake me up.”

“Sorry, Gorgeous.”

“How are you feelin’ now, babe? You okay?” Gemma wondered.

“A lot better, thank you,” you smiled up to her, running a hand through your tousled hair and removing the knots that had built up through your slumber, “how long was I asleep for?”

“Just a few hours. 3 hours of so. Snorin’ away in my ear,” Harry teased, adjusting the blanket around your body so you could sit comfortably in the chair beside him, a nudge being pushed into his hip before a crick in your back made your muscles ache, a moan to eliciting from your throat. Catching his ears as he kept an attentive watch on you, his hand immediately moving to your spine to relieve the pressure that had built up, fingers kneading into your back, “do you wan’a get up and stretch out? Walking down the aisle might help you. Maybe pop to the toilet on our way, too?”

“Can you come with me?”

“Of course. Can’t have you tumbling over, can we?” Harry hummed, sending a warming smile and a nod towards Gemma as he shuffled back towards her seat beside Michal.

Unclipping his seatbelt and standing up to his feet, he reached out towards you and slipped his fingers between yours, tensing his arms as you stood up and snuggled your way out of the tiny space between the airplane seats. Eyes from the passengers around transitioning towards the gentle scene happening in their view. Your gentle movements to clamber into aisle, being aware of the reading couple in front of you, who seemingly wished to not be disturbed by nudging to the back of their seats. “Don’t wet yourself on the way.”

“Don’t push your luck or I may drown you in the sea,” you grunted back, giving his bum a squeeze as you followed him towards the back end of the plane.

* *

AFIMI BEACH HOUSE. JAMAICA. 2PM.

The perfectly built exterior of Afimi Beach House, located in Jamaica, was flash in all it’s glory as the four of you made your way up the pathway, the gate squeaking behind as it closed shut, looking huge and daunting as you neared closer. Larger than the house Harry and yourself had purchased in London, located on the street of Hampstead. The gentle rumble of the front-pool filter could be heard of the shuffle of the 4 pairs of feet clad in flip-flops and loafers. The interior empty from the last temporary owners and ready to be filled with the memories planned to be made on the mini week-long babymoon vacation. Ready to host comfort to the four of you.

Gemma’s hand slid from Michal’s with her fast-paced movements as she skipped closer to the entryway, the keys jingling in her hands from the keyring slid onto her fore finger.

“You chose this place?” Gemma gasped, twirling on the spot as she took in her surroundings, “I saw photos of this villa when you told us the name of this place but they seriously don’t do this place any justice. I can’t believe my brother has good taste in villa rentals.”

“I did say I wanted this to be the best babymoon slash vacation,” Harry grinned, wheeling two suitcases up the front path, the wheels squeaking behind him. His face glistening beautifully under the rays shining from the front pool of the house, his eyes squinting under the harsh reflection from the water. The pool that he couldn’t wait to slide into and wash away the heat prickling at his skin as soon as he’d changed and refreshed himself after 9-hours of plane-air, “I can’t take all the credit though. My missus had her eyes on this one ever since we left the travel agents.”

“You had doubts?” Michal asked, tugging Gemma’s suitcase up the entranceway and coming to a halt behind Gemma as she took a glance around the subtle and boring but very fitting  interior, “what over?”

“I didn’t have doubts necessarily. I’ve got the money to splash around on things like this. It was (YN) who wasn’t sure,” Harry admitted, softly, “the full price was really expensive and she didn’t want us to waste money because all we’ll be doing is lounging for a week.”

The price of the villa itself, and the week of having it as your own, was in the high thousands and now that you’d seen it in person, you could understand why. It was a place you’d never see located on the street of Primrose Hill.

When it came to flicking through the magazine on the sofa one evening, a gentle movie playing in the background with the bare minimum of attention being thrown in its direction, your eyes had been drawn to the professional photographs printed in the booklet held and resting on Harry’s lap. Giving his finger a lick to swiftly turn the page, but, coming to a halt when you stuck your hand out and insisted wordlessly that you were still scanning the reviews and words printed alongside the pictures used to capture the eyes.

“D’yeh like that one, love?” He’d asked you after a short silence, receiving a nod in response as he dog-eared the page and closed it up, “a’right. We’ll keep that one in mind when we go to the travel agents.”

But it wasn’t just kept in mind as a possible accommodation.

When Gemma asked him if they’d chosen a villa, he’d told them about the single page he’d dog-eared in the book. When Michal text him to see if he had a link for the villa, he’d sent him the link to that specific place. When his mother asked to see the page, he’d shown her that specific villa. When the both of you went into the travel agents and you’d been asked if you had made a final decision, that was the villa he said he wanted for the week because it’s also what you wanted for the week.

Yet, he’d ignored your small pleas to think further into a more suitable area to stay.

You didn’t want him to waste the thousands of money that he could spend on himself and you’d rather he put it towards a trip for work or into a collection for the baby that he’d been thinking of starting up to support their future. You weren’t able to enjoy yourself like you would have if you weren’t pregnant; you could no longer join him on early mornings runs down the cobbled streets of a holiday destination and you could no longer join him on long walks to take photos of the hidden depths of certain countries.

No matter how many times he’d told you it was meant to be a relaxing trip for you to squeeze in some last minute hot sunshine before you no longer could.

“I can’t do much with this between my hips,” you pointed out, rubbing your hands over your bump to bring the attention of the two men standing with you, their eyes drifting down towards the belly that was straining the shirt on your upper body, “so, I didn’t want Harry to waste money on me when I can’t do anything but lay down or sit around in the sun all bleedin’ day. I can’t go to any water parks or theme parks so it’s just, not worth the expense.”

“But, it’s possibly our last vacation for a few years. Outside of the UK, anyway,” Harry stated, his fingers curling around the handles of the suitcases as he lifted them up the steps and let Michal wheel them across the tiled floor. Setting them in the front porchway, ready to be moved into the bedrooms chosen to spend the week in, “I wanted to treat you to something great, okay? My very pregnant wife deserves some relaxation before she’s pushed into the stresses of labour nearing and the possible hard times of motherhood.”

His hands came to cup your shoulders, a smile on his face as his hands rubbed up and down your upper arms, pushing his lips to your already clammy forehead that had a glimmer of sweat forming in a thin layer. The sun and your heavy pregnancy mixing together and making you feel more warmer than normal, resulting in a huff to puff out from between your lips and your hands to take home on your hips. Cocking a hip to the side and blowing your fringe from your eyes.

“Don’t you worry about anything this holiday, okay? The doctor gave us the all clear so we should have a nice, easy-flowing trip away from home. Don’t worry about the expenses and the prices of everything we buy. It’s something that I want to do for you,” he brushed his hands over your bump, cupping the swell in his palms, “you do so much right now. It’s about time I did something to thank you for it.”

“I love you so much,” you sighed softly, leaning forward and wrapping your arms around his waist, “I promise I won’t worry anymore. S’not good for the baby, is it? S’not good for you either. I don’t need you worrying over me when this is a trip for us four to have some fun together.”

“Promise I won’t worry unless I need too,” he whispered, resting his chin on your head and holding you as close as he could with his daughter nestled between you both, “I love you too, by the way.”

* *

FRIDAY 20TH JULY, 2018. 2PM.

“You look incredibly hot, babe,” Gemma gasped, her bikini-clad figure sprawled out on a lounger with a book in her hand. A knee bent up as she snuggled back against her towel, wiggling her painted toes in the sun. Sunglasses guarding her hazel eyes with her platinum coloured hair pulled back into a ponytail, tickling the base of her neck as she watched your figure shuffle across the decking, “look at that belly! You look beautiful. I’m surprised Harry let you leave the bedroom looking like that. Hell, gorgeous! I’ve seen you wear a tank-top and he’s beckoned you to the room because he-”

“I’m not some captor, Gem. I would have been a little hesitant if this was a public pool. For obvious reasons,” Harry interrupted quickly, calling back from his place by the sink in the kitchen, bottles of water tucked under his arms, his yellow trunks sitting low on his hips. His fern tattoos prominent against his two-day sun-kissed skin that he sported with tan-lines already appearing on his body, “but, she looks too good not to show off to everyone.”

“You’re making me blush, you guys,” you pouted playfully, setting your beach-bag down beside a chosen lounger. Perching comfortably down and kicking off your nautical-themed, striped loafers, swinging your legs up and allowing your body to relax against the curve of the chair. The sun engulfing your body with heat, “this sun is gorgeous. It makes me want to move out here. Just pack up London and leave.”

Because, if you had the chance, you would.

You’d pack everything up into cardboard boxes, take Harry’s jet, and jet off towards a captivating destination that you would call home.

“Then we won’t see the baby. You can’t move away and deprive me of that,” Gemma whined, dog-earing the page in her book and closing it, shuffling forward on the lounger and setting her feet on the wooden decking, toasty and warm from the hours beneath the Jamaican sun, pushing up and standing up. Throwing her book behind her and letting it land with a thud. Her figure hunching over as she stuck her toe into the pool, before settling down on the edge and thrusting her legs into the cool water to soothe the prickly heat, “and I won’t get any cuddles or kisses then.”

“Don’t worry, Gem. I’ll fly home to give you all the cuddles and kisses you want,” Harry teased, his bare feet padding across the decking as he neared your sun lounger, perching on the end. Passing over the cool and condensation-dripping bottle to you, unscrewing the cap for you as you took a hearty sip of the cool water, “nice to know you still wan’a cuddle and kiss me. Brings back a lot of memories, you know?”

In 6 years, Anne had plenty of stories to share over dinners and Sunday roasts that you’d attended, paired with baby photos and home videos that backed up her narrative and shown over a cup of tea and a slice of pie. Enough to make their cheeks blush and plenty of captured moments to have groans erupt from their throats and loving coos to erupt from the woman who had been present for every single cuddle and every single snuggle to the two siblings had to offer one another.

They varied from bedtime cuddles to garden cuddles to cuddles and snuggles that they’d both shared with Max. Each and every single memory stealing pieces of your heart and making you fall more and more in love with him as snippets to his childhood came to light. Each and every grainy home video had tugged at your heartstrings and really given you an insight to just how precious he was, and had continued to be, from the moment he was born.

You’d seen home videos of him cuddled up with Max in the dog bed, his head resting in the fuzzy fur and his tiny fingers curled around the Max’s ear as he suckled on his thumb and watched as Gemma danced and twirled her way around the kitchen,with Des’ voice in the background giving praise before she fell beside her younger brother in a tired heap. You’d seen newborn baby photos of Harry tucked into the caring arms of a 4-year old Gemma who held him close and cooed over him as he squeezed her finger.

Dotted around Anne’s home were photos of them hugging in bed, fists tight and holding onto one another, showing the closeness that they had comfortably between them. Some were located in Gemma’s bedroom, with Harry’s mop of hair peeking out over the top of her pink duvet and his cheek resting against her shoulder, and, some were shot in Harry’s bedroom, with Gemma’s body forming a large lump beneath the football themed cover set.

He’d been a sucker for his sisters hugs growing up. Even at 23-years old.

And no matter what she said, she was a sucker for his hugs, too.

“Not your cuddles and kisses, you knob. I meant baby cuddles and baby kisses. I want to see her grow up and kick-ass at school,” she hissed.

“I’d like to see her grow up too, mate,” Michal admitted, a smile on his face as he bobbed beneath the water. Water droplets dribbling down his cheeks and catching around his lips, “I don’t think I could live with Gemma’s whining about not seeing the baby. She loves ‘em.”

“I wouldn’t whine,” she gasped, kicking her foot out to splash water across to him in response, immediately regretting her decision when his fingers curled around his ankle and pulled her towards him. A smirk on his face as she dipped beneath the water, a chuckle leaving Harry’s mouth as he squeezed your knee and gave you a smile, the gentle sound of Gemma’s gasp ripping his attention from you, “Michal!”

“About time someone joined me in the pool,” he threw back, diving beneath the water and swimming off towards the deeper end of the pool.

“I’m going to head in and have a swim. Do you want to join me or are you okay sitting back and relaxing today?” Harry asked, standing to his feet as you shook your head. A grin on his lips as he gave your forehead a soft peck, “call me over if you need me. I love you both.”

“We love you, too.”

* *

SUNDAY 22ND JULY, 2018. 7PM.

“Are you sure you’re feeling okay, love? You’re looking a little peachy around your cheeks,” Harry wondered, worry lingering in his words as he stopped in his tracks, “we can go back to the villa and have a sleep if you want to. Don’t put strain on yourself. S’not good for you and the baby, is it?”

“You promised me you wouldn’t worry on the trip unless it was absolutely necessary,” you hummed with a smile, looking up towards him and bringing a hand towards his cheek, brushing your fingers over his scruff and letting it scratch over the soft pad of your fingertips, “I’m just hungry, okay? When you and Gem went out to get some more food, I woke up and had some fruit and Michal made me some toast and a cuppa. I’m feeling fine, I promise.”

“Are you sure? One hundred percent?”

“I’m fine, Peaches. The longer we wait for food, then, there really will be a reason for you to worry, okay?” You teased slightly, twirling on your heels and stepping closer towards the entrance of the restaurant, “c’mon, Harry. I’m getting thirsty, too.”

“Guys, we’re here,” Gemma called out, waving her hand and catching the attention of her brother. Michal sat beside her, in a table located in the corner of the outside decking to the restaurant, the wind smelling of sea-salt and suncream and the delicious and mouth-watering aroma wafting from the kitchen. An array of foods being cooked upon the orders of the customers. “It smells so good in here. I may end up eating myself because I’m so hungry.”

“That may be my fault,” you whispered bashfully, sending her a sweet smile as you settled in opposite her. Your pregnant body slipping in comfortably in the seat beside the wooden bars lining the decking and the seat left for Harry to perch in to, “I apologise. I’m sleeping for two right now.”

“Hey, don’t apologise, babe. I understand that your pregnant and tired. Especially under this weather. I wasn’t putting you at fault, I promise,” Gemma smiled, reaching for your hand and squeezing it tightly, “don’t worry. How are you feeling? Better?”

“I’ve been fine all day. Do I look sick?” You giggled softly.

“You do look peachy.”

“I’m just hungry. I promise. I’m just hungry. I didn’t eat much for lunch. You can ask Michal for some proof,” you smiled, as you looked towards the man sitting diagonal to you. His head nodding along in agreement, “I am also eating for two remember.”

“What do we have planned for tomorrow then? Are we going separate ways for the day and meeting for dinner or are we going out as a group?” Gemma wondered, reaching for the water jug set in the middle of the table, her bracelets tinkling on her wrist as she poured four glasses full, “me and Michal were planning on catching the bus and going to the water park if you wanted to join us.”

“I don’t think I’d be all that fun at a water park,” you frowned, wrapping your hand around the glass and bringing the rim to your lips, the feeling of Harry’s arm snaking around your shoulders and resting on the back of your chair causing you to look up to him, “you can go if you want too. I’m okay sitting by the pool at the villa.”

“No, no. Me and you came out to relax. If you don’t want to do something, then, I’m not going to go ahead and do it without you. We can have some time alone in the villa,” Harry suggested, smiling softly as his fingers traced over the bare skin of your shoulder showing between the string straps of your top. A gagging sound coming from Gemma as she hid her face in Michal’s neck and squeezed her eyes shut.

“Make sure your sexy shenanigans are over before we get back, please,” she grunted, a chuckle sounding from her boyfriend.

“Who says we’ll be doing sexy shenanigans?” Harry mocked, a smirk on his lips.

“It’s been 4 days since we’ve been on this trip. Usually, babymoons include a lot of love-making, cuddles and naked hugs. Don’t try and tell me you haven’t planned out the idea of having sex on this trip when you get the chance to,” she gawked, her hand banging on the table in amusement as Harry’s cheeks blushed. His lips disappearing into the top of your hair, as you frowned towards her in feign annoyance, “by Harry’s blushing cheeks and your toying smirk, you’re definitely going to have sex. I’m rather glad we’re not going to be at the villa tomorrow.”

“Like we didn’t hear you fucking the other day?” Harry scoffed and blurted out without an ounce of thought, catching the ears of the surrounding vacation-goers. Earning himself turned up and scrunched faces of disgust and huffs and tuts leaving those who found his words to be too vulgar for the dinner table in the divine restaurant, “whoops.”

“You’re such a tosser, Harold,” Gemma hissed through clenched teeth, her eyes widening in shock, “we weren’t loud.”

“You have to be kidding,” Harry laughed in disbelief.

It was late at night.

Past midnight and the four of you had decided to split your separate ways and get a good night's sleep before spending the whole day exploring and delving deeper into the town together the following day.

The Jamaican moonlight was streaking through the thin curtains of the bedroom, leaking upon the pillow your head was resting upon and catching your eye-line as you laid awake and listened to the sounds that filled the quiet atmosphere. Allowing the seconds to pass, your ears pert to the soft wheezes leaving Harry’s lips as he used your shoulder as a resting place and pillow. The soft twirls of his hair tickling at your jawline with each deep intake of breath that he took.

He’d fallen asleep talking to your baby and bidding his little girl a goodnight, his palm still sitting atop of the curve of your bump where it had been from the moment the both of you had tucked up and kissed each other sweetly. His rubbing subsiding as the kicks of your baby died down, making it known to him that she was soothed enough from her daddy’s actions.

In the far distance of the villa, and followed by the creaking of the springs in the mattress, distinct moans and groans could be heard filtering around the building. Disrupting your sweeter thought process and planting images in your mind of something that you didn’t exactly want to think about before you drifted off to sleep.

“Can you believe they’re fuckin’?” Harry grunted into your neck, rolling onto his back and letting his hand slide over the curvature of your bump. Making you jump as you felt him move beside you and speak into the silent room, “baby’s kicking, too. Woke her up, can you believe that?”

“Woke you up, too. You can sleep through thunderstorms but can’t sleep through moaning. How’d you wake up to their quiet moans?” You asked curiously, a smile on your lips as he reached over you and flicked on the bedside lamp, his eyes bleary and still holding sleep as he yawned dangerously close to your face and shook his head to remove the urge of dropping his heavy head to your chest, “is that why they wanted to go to bed early, do you think?”

“S’not really early, is it? Has to be around 1 in the mornin’,” Harry murmured, flopping back to the mattress and bending a knee, coughing a lump from his throat.

“You know what I mean. We’re usually sat around the pool and laughing right now,” you reminded him coolly, twisting your head to look at him and smile. A dimple popping on his cheek as he sent you a grin, “we could give ‘em a run for their money, you know? Have our own fun?”

“M’a bit too tired for that, love,” he stated, sending a look towards his crotch before catching your eyes again, “can’t get it up to the moans of my sister, either. I’m a little disgusted, to be honest.”

“Stop it. At least she’s having fun. That’s all they deserve,” you hummed, giving his belly a soft rub as he purred in delight and nudged his nose into your shoulder, “do you wan’a go and sit by the pool?”

“Are you okay to go and sit out there for an hour or two? Not too tired or anything?” He asked, ears perking up to your soft sounds of your strained groans as you sat yourself up, “we can stay in here, Gorgeous. Don’t worry.”

“Come on. It’ll be romantic. They’re being romantic, so, why can’t we?”

A chuckle left his mouth as he followed your movements, pushing up from the mattress and letting the thin sheet pool and crinkle at his lap, swinging his feet out and standing up to reach for a plain t-shirt to cover his torso. His hips sporting a pair of black boxers as he took your hand and slid his fingers through yours, following closely as you lead the path towards the back door to the decking. The moans and groans that had managed to keep you awake, and had woken Harry up from his slumber, were now louder in volume.

“I’m goin’ to vomit,” Harry whispered raspily as the sounds began to permanently sit on his brain, receiving a giggle from your throat, as you both began sneaking out the door. Closing it gently behind him and cutting off all sounds from entering and exiting the house. The cool Jamaican air catching around his legs, and raising goosebumps on the surface, “is that what we sound like to our neighbours back home?”

His feet padded across the decking as he followed you further into the backyard of the villa, watching cautiously as you hunched over and comfortably perched yourself on the tiles that lined the edge of the pool, the light reflecting off the water’s rippling surface. The moon bright in the sky and stars twinkling in their dotted clusters.

“I don’t think so, no,” you grinned, shuffling at the edge of the pool and swinging your legs in the water, “you’re much louder during sex. ‘Specially when you’re about to cum and you start to pant and whine. Oh, and when you do cum, you just sort roll your head back and yell out,” you teased, his presence becoming known beside you as he settled himself down in close proximity, the fuzz on his thighs tickling at your skin.

“Sod off. M’not that loud,” he grunted, nudging your arm softly as he hooked an ankle around yours. A comfortable silence swallowing the both of you as the filter continued to rumble on it’s own, cleaning the pool out for the next day. It wasn’t long before he broke it with a soft voice, “what about this place being our first family trip with the baby? Bringing our daughter her, with Mum and Robin and Gem and Michal can come back too, and we can play in the pool with our little girl,” he whispered softly, the filter almost making his words unheard to your ears, “we could take her to the beach and show her what we did when she was still in mummy’s tummy. What do you think? We can take photos and keep them as memories.”

“I love the idea, Peaches,” you hummed, resting your head on his shoulder, “we’ll have to inform Gem and Michal not to have sex with the baby in the villa, too. I don’t want our daughter being exposed to that just yet.”

“It’s sorted then,” he whispered, pressing his lips to your forehead, before running a palm over your bump, “hear that, Poppet? We’re gon’a bring you to Jamaica when you’re here with us.”

“You woke the baby up. We had to sit outside for a little bit,” Harry smirked.

“He’s not lying. She started kicking when she heard you both,” you teased, sending a wink towards Gemma as she groaned into Michal's neck and gave his chest a slap to keep him from chuckling, “c’mon Gem. Don’t worry about it. It’s pretty obvious me and Harry had sex, right? How else would we have made this bump appear?”

“I don’t want to even think of that,” Gemma murmured, “it’s bad enough that I’ve heard you wank him off in the shower. I don’t want to think of him actually hitting home base.”

“It felt really good,” Harry teased, a smirk on his lips that soon disappeared when Gemma’s foot came into contact with his shin. Most surely leaving a bruise in it’s wake, smack-bang in the middle of his leg, “stop hurtin’ me. One day, you’re gon’a leave a scar and my kids are gon’a ask why I have it. And you know what my answer will be? Because Auntie Gem was a meanie and she deserves all the slobbery kisses in the world.”

“You wouldn’t,” she smiled softly, “your kids wouldn’t treat me so horrendously.”

* *

TUESDAY 24TH JULY, 2018. 9AM.

“We’re going to head off to the bus station now. We probably won’t be back until later tonight, so, we won’t be joining you for our last dinner here. We’ve got a key to get in if you are out so don’t worry about us, okay?” Gemma explained, slinging her bag over her shoulder and adjusting the sunglasses pushed into her hair. Holding her fringe back and stopping it from covering her vision as she bounded around the living room, in search for her shoes, “have fun today, yeah?”

She gave him a wiggle of her eyebrows and a threw a smirk in his direction, earning herself a response of a frustrated eyeroll and a quick flip of his middle finger, his teeth clamping around the corner of the toast piece in his hand.

“Just go and have fun today. It’s our last full day here. We’re just going to relax by the pool today, I think. Might go and do some last minute shopping for souvenirs and stuff. Both mums called last night and surprisingly they both begged for a new magnet to go on their fridges,” Harry murmured in amusement, crumbs falling from his lips as he chewed on the toasted bread. The soft hairs on his chest catching the runaway crumbs that fell from the piece of toast in his hand, “(YN) wants to buy them both something from her so we’ll go and have a look ‘round the shops on the prom.”

“Take it easy, yeah? I don’t want to see you with a sore back on our last day,” she hummed, sliding her flip-flops onto her feet and standing up, “I also don’t want to come back and see you balls deep in her. Or hitting home base. I can’t take that kind of scarring.”

“Christ, you’re disgusting, Gem. Go. Off you trot,” Harry grunted, sending her a smile before he spun on his bare heels and made his way towards the open door of the bedroom. Your figure sitting up and patiently waiting for him to make his way back with your breakfast. “Have fun yourself, yeah? The park looks great.”

“The reviews say it’s good, so, we’ll keep you updated throughout the day.”

“Gem! C’mon. We’re gon’a miss the bus,” Michal called out, poking his head between the front door and it’s frame, a smile on his lips, “mornin’, H.”

“Mornin’ mate,” Harry hummed, sending him a smile before disappearing into the bedroom, the plate of toast in his hand being passed towards you as you sat yourself up on the mattress. Your smile bright on your face as he neared you and pushed his hand out, the plate being taken from his hand, “mornin’, Gorgeous. Where were you doin’?”

“Talkin’ to the baby,” you grinned, “tellin’ her all about the holiday and that we can’t wait to bring her back here when she’s older and she was kicking my hand and she’s moving around,” you giggled, giving your belly a soft poke and waiting for the soft motion of her foot - or her fist - to protude from beneath your belly, “see. She’s movin’ around with the longest legs.”

He snickered softly and sat himself down on the bed, leaning against the headboard and lacing his fingers together, resting them on his stomach.

“How are we feelin’ this morning? You feelin’ okay?”

“To be honest, I don’t fancy toast anymore. I’m more hungry for something else,” you teased with insinuation, eyes darting towards his clothed crotch as you took your bottom lip between your teeth, “has your sister and Michal gone yet?”

“Still here,” you heard her shrill voice call out, “and heard that very insightful and sexual suggestion,” she gagged loudly before poking her face into the bedroom and waving goodbye, “told Harry we won’t be back till later on tonight. Have fun today. Enjoy the time as the two of you. We’ll keep you updated on the day and send you pictures of the place, too. Don’t be too naughty and don’t get adventurous! I would like to go home tomorrow and not be spending it in the Jamaican hospital because Harry’s pulled some muscles in his back because he went too fast or bent too far to please you.”

“Gemma!” Harry gawped. His eyes widening and his nose crinkled up, the apple curves of his cheeks protruding and blushing

“We would if I could, Gem,” you taunted, ignoring Harry’s frustrated look, a smirk on your lips, “unfortunately, I have a watermelon-sized baby growing inside me that’s limiting my flexibility. Sex isn’t as adventurous as you think it is now.”

“You’re both awful. That’s our cue to leave,” she grinned softly, “love you both.”

* *

He pulled his hand out from beneath the sheet, fingers coated in your slick juices, with a smile on his face. He took a soft glance at you, post-orgasm and breathless, taking in every inch of your face. Your cheeks beginning to lose the pink that had formed as you edged and your skin covered in a slight sheen of sweat that glistened under the harsh Jamaican sunlight peering in through the windows of the bedroom. Panting with closed eyes as you tried to regain a steady pace of breathing, your chest rising and falling with each sharp intake of breath that you took.

“That,” you gasped softly, puffing out a breath and cracking an eye open, “was incredible.”

“Thank my fingers fo’ that,” he smirked, “you feelin’ okay? Got your breath back?”

You hummed in agreement, shuffling across the mattress and snuggling closer into his side, hitching a leg over his thighs and allowing your bump to rest on his stomach. His arm snaking around your shoulders, beneath you and sneaking between the gap that your neck created against the pillow, his fingers ghosting over your warm skin.

“Still want some more, Harry,” you whispered into his neck, peppering soft kisses to his skin and littering them down his collarbone, “when I’ve got my breath back properly, m’gon’a ride you until the sun goes down.”

“That’s a long time, love. It’s only just turned 11 in the morning,” he chuckled softly, your toes brushing over his knee, your head lifting up to protest, “but, I’m willing to go on the long haul to make sure you’re satisfied, yeah? If you wan’a ride me till the sun goes down tonight, then, we’ll do it. We have all afternoon to do so,” he concluded.

“Good. Because, it’s exactly what I’m going to do,” you murmured, pushing up on the mattress and grunting heavily, “can you lay straight? Lay flat. That’ll help me a bit better,” you looked towards him, an eyebrow cocked as he fell to the mattress, “thank you.”

“You sure you wan’a ride me? Will that be comfortable for you?” He asked, watching as you struggled to straddle his waist.

“Just shush. We may not be able to do missionary anymore,” you muttered through clenched teeth, “because I can’t have your weight squashing us both. But, we can still do more positions,” you grinned, relaxing against his bent knees as you successfully straddled his waist. His cock, erect and hard and pulsing, now settled between your legs as he painfully waited for your warmth to engulf him whole and clench around him, “that was easy,” you grinned with sarcasm.

“Love-”

You shushed him with a finger to his lips.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting sex with you,” you admitted, adjusting your weight on your knees as you pushed up from the mattress with your kneecaps, your hand reaching down to take a grasp upon his unclothed cock now leaking pre-cum and at its hardest, “s’been a week, nearly, you know that? You’ve been walking around, looking very, very handsome with your tanned and sun-kissed skin.”

“You haven’t been horny all week, love. If you showed some kind of need for me, I would have been on it right away. You know that, Gorgeous,” he smirked, a dimple popping on his cheek as a shudder escaped his muscles and travelled up his spine. The feeling of his spongy, leaking tip brush over your slit forming butterflies in his belly and a knot to begin to tighten in his gut. Your folds of skin till slightly moist from your first orgasm, ready and lubricated to swallow him whole, “you look so beautiful, you know that? You say I look handsome but you look incredibly beautiful with your tanned and sun-kissed skin.”

He gulped heavily, his eyes squeezing shut as you gradually allowed his thick girth to fill you up, a soft whimper leaving your throat as he touched and reached all the right places within you. Your walls stretching around him as you welcomed him in to pleasure you, his legs straightening out along the bed where his feet hung over the bed. Your hands cupping the dips at either side of his waist, where his flowing curves showed, to allow your body to hunch over as best and as comfortably as it could as you began to roll your hips in a slow motion.

The burning feeling, that used to take over and linger behind the pleasure, was soon subsiding as you ran a hand over the underside of your bump and fumbled around with the nerves that were more sensitive than ever. From both your hormones wreaking havoc in your body and from your orgasm previous to that moment. Your belly still fluttering with butterflies as you rotated and ground your hips against his.

“God, Harry,” you groaned, rolling your head back as you stared up to the ceiling, your hips rolling on his, “you feel so good.”

“Missed feelin’ you like this, Gorgeous. Feelin’ so warm and tight round me, hm?” He grinned sloppily, lopsided but toothy as his fingertips brushed over your thighs. His wedding ring glinting under the light and reflecting the sun rays that shone through the window, “love when you’re on top. Takin’ control,” he hissed, as he felt you clench around him, your fingers working hard on your bundle of nerves as you halted your hips for a brief moment, “s’this gon’a be a more common thing now that you’re pregnant, yeah?”

“Depends on whether I feel horny or not,” you murmured, “sometimes we have to work through this together. You wan’a make me feel horny? Walk around with your cute bum on show in tight jeans because that’s enough for me to rip your pants off and fuck you on the kitchen floor,” you grinned, your fingertips brushing up his chest as you began to move your hips again. The tip of his cock brushing over that one particular spot within you that had your back arching and the knot in your stomach getting tighter by the second, “good god, Harry.”

You fell into a rhythmic motion.

Rocking your hips back and forth as he managed to keep his weight resting on his elbows, his upper body pushed up from the mattress as his forearms stayed planted upon the sheet. A dopey smile on his face as he watched you, breathlessly, try to edge the both of you towards an orgasm, watching the realisation settle on your face that it was going to take a lot more than rocking your hips to get him close.

Any other day, you would have felt disheartened that he wasn’t edging nearer and nearer to his orgasm. You’d have blamed it on the fact that you were no longer attractive to him. Your breasts doubling in size, stretch marks painting your belly and the insides of your thighs, your hips and your bum beginning to gain weight and sag and your cheeks beginning to become fuller and much rounder. Any other day, you would have broken down and cried into his neck, asking him over and over again why he wasn’t even close to an orgasm. Trying to come to terms that it wasn’t you; it was him.

But today, you were focused on relieving the week-long build-up of hormones and need for him.

“You’re runnin’ out of breath. Don’t tire and force yourself to do all the work, love. We’ve got all afternoon to take it slow,” Harry whispered through clenched teeth, his jaw tense as his jawline protruded from his chin, “c’mon. Come lay down. Let’s do it slow.”

“M’fine,” you hissed, stopping your motions for a brief second to push your hair from your face, “m’gettin’ close. I promise you. Just a few more minutes, okay?”

“No, no. Come on. We’ll do this in a better position, yeah?”

“This is a good position,” you frowned, looking towards the mattress that he was patting with his hand, your eyebrows furrowed on your face as you looked between his worry-filled green eyes and his hand rubbing the mattress, “I want to keep-”

“Love, c’mon. Le’me spoon you.”

“I don’t want to spoon,” you huffed, carefully sliding from his cock and whining internally at the loss of his intimacy, “I want to fuck.”

“We will, Gorgeous,” he smiled as you laid down beside him, your back facing him with your eyebrows still furrowed together, a dip sitting at the top of your nose, his hand coming up and cupping your hip. Your hand brushing over your bump as your daughter continued to kick at the change of position, your body now settled on its side as Harry slotted comfily behind you, “this is more comfy, yeah? Not forcin’ yourself to do anything.”

You hummed softly in agreement, feeling the fuzz of his thighs tickle at the backs of your legs, with a smile toying at the corners of your lips. His hand, pushed between his chest and the dip of your back, guiding him back to the one place you needed him back; the warmth he craved again.

“Christ,” he whispered into the nape of your neck, a whimper escaping your pursed lips as the familiar burning sensation of you stretching around him was felt again, his hips staying still to allow you to adjust, “you always feel so warm, don’t you, huh? Take me very well, love.”

You could barely respond as he pushed his hips up, a loud gulp sounding from him as he reached his hand over your thigh and found that little nubbin of nerves that had you weak at the slightest touch and change in temperature. His fingertips, usually gentle when it came to your body, were working harshly on your clit. Rubbing circles and figure of 8’s with each thrust he pushed up into you.

“God, Harry,” you whispered, eyes squeezed shut as your felt your thighs begin to tremble at the added pressure being applied to your clit, “m’gona-”

“Not yet, love. Hold it for a second,” he strained into your shoulder, teeth clenched with his nose nudging over the curve, “m’close as well. Just, hold on a little longer. For me, please. Wan’a cum with you.”

And cum with you he did.

With one final thrust into you, and with one more pressure-filled rub to your clit, the both of you were taken beneath the cover of euphoria. White, hot pleasure overtaking the both of you, your thighs clenching and your toes curling as your ankles interlocked with Harry’s. His words becoming slurs against your shoulder as his hips drove into you, working through his orgasm as he let his orgasm release in short spurts, mixing with your own orgasm as you clenched around him.

“Happy Babymoon, Gorgeous,” he pressed a kiss to your ear, a loud mwah sounding shortly after as he pulled away, “have you had a nice time?”

You nodded softly, looking over your shoulder and smiling, “that was the perfect end to a pretty beautiful trip away.”

[prettylaceything]

09/08/2018

Okay so I’ve had a lot go on for the past however long...

Everything is actually going well for once, but I can’t help but feel low all the damn time. New relationship, university and settled all seems great but they don’t half come with a price.

So new relationship, it’s only been a few months. But he’s great, he’s what I need. I feel comfortable, content and happy around him. I feel like I can be as weird and strange as I want to be. I can still do things I enjoy without being nagged at.

It makes a change from my last relationship, I can actually go out with my friends, see my family, even have a night in if I want. I’m not tormented to do things he wants to do, or told I’m not allowed to go see anybody. But I guess this is what a healthy relationship is like.

It’s nice that he’s into his cars, it gives him something to focus on. He actually has aspirations of what he wants to do in life. He actually wants to go visit places rather than going out to get drunk. This is all new to me. I’m not used to somebody wanting to spend time with me doing things, and having their own life too. It’s refreshing.

Getting on to the sour; I don’t feel like I’m good enough. I mean this ties in with a lot of my past when I was younger. But, I don’t feel like I look my best, I’ve put weight on, the pill has made me come out in spots, my eczema has flared up; and that’s probably one of the things I’m most selfconscious of. Due to it bothering me for how it looks, how does it make him feel?

For example; I have a free house this week as my sister has gone on holiday and I have the responsibility on looking after the cats. So I thought I’d put some lingerie in for him getting in from work. He ended up going and doing some stuff before he came so it was about 9pm. He walked in, never said anything and just carried on like I was just wearing clothes as normal. So that made me feel supper shit. Don’t get me wrong within about ten minutes we were upstairs. But it was like had hadn’t even noticed that I had made the effort. It’s probably just me overthinking things. But it’s rare that I have the energy to make the effort to do so.

Ive managed to put 1stone 6pounds on since I started recovery. Which is absolutely amazing. I actually have a shape again. I mean, it’s a good thing in a way and everybody says I look healthy now. But I hate it if I’m going to be honest, I don’t feel beautiful, curvey, healthy. I feel fat and ugly. I honestly wish I could look in a mirror and be like “I’m happy with this, this is me” but I don’t see me. I see this girl, who has a healthy figure, but I see the pain and that it’s not good enough for me. I want to be skinnier. Like, how did I manage to get this weight on. I know it was a lot of crying, forcing myself to eat until I got used to it.

It doesn’t stop me counting the calories on everything I eat and removing some things so it balances out.

I’m getting to a point with stress and being low that I’m starting to get old habits back. I’m starting to starve myself again, making options that cut all the calories out. Getting back onto living off Diet Coke, coffee and calorie free energy drinks. I can feel it getting worse, I’m trying so hard not to. I don’t want people to notice how I’m getting with my eating again. I need to do this on my own. I need to try and get a midway point where my body is still healthy but the weight falls off. Exercise just isn’t enough anymore.

I just want to be slim. I want to be toned. I want to be who I was before. I don’t want to cry when I see a photo of myself or when I go to bed at night.

I’m at a point where I just want to have work done too. I want to have my teeth done as they make me self conscious as much as my weight. They’re straight and fine. It’s just that when I was making myself sick when I was younger it’s stripped all the enamel off my teeth so they’re slightly discoloured. I’m tempted to have some lip fillers too. I mean, I’ll wait till I qualify so I have the money to actually do exactly what I want.

University... where to start here. So commencing September I start my degree in mental health nursing. I want to help other people who went through what I did. But I think I’ll probably go into a care home setting as the job I do now on a challenging behaviour, dementia and mental health unit is amazing. So I’m in two minds. I may go for the older adults about 45+ which various conditions and work with those.

Anyway, to the point; I’m so nervous. To a point I feel physically sick when I think about it. A new place, new people, new course. In the middle of town, where I get most of my anxiety (around people in crowds/rooms). So yeah, this is going to be fun. I’m absolutely petrified of goin. But at the same time it’s what I want to do and I need to keep the aspiration so I don’t end up living in my bed.

I feel like if I get things off my chest everything they’re on there I may just get into a habit of getting feelings out rather than bottling everything up until I end up cutting myself. I’m on an urge to do it right now, but I haven’t in about a year and a half and that’s amazing. But this has been a really low point for me. Also, I don’t think I want my new partner to find them and me have to explain the majority of my life to him.

I haven’t really told him much, just that I’ve had problems in the past. But how do you say; hi, I had an eating disorder from the age of 9, I used to starve myself and make myself sick. My parents used to cry and try and force me to eat. I used to be told to sit in the office at school until I ate. From the age of 11 I used to self harm, that’s why I have all the tattoos down my legs and arms because they cover the scars, it also prevents me to stop cutting in that area. I’ve been depressed for about 11 years of my lift with various ups and downs. I’ve attempted to commit suicide twice. I had to do college from home because I couldn’t get out of bed and when I do go in I had a pass so I could just leave. It’s slowly catching up on me again, you wonder why I have a problem with eating around you well that’s because I don’t want to eat. And when you do see me eat, it’s so you know that I do. But I assure you when I go home I cry because I’ve eaten something, but it’s okay because I stop myself from wanting to make myself purge. But don’t worry babe, you may not notice but I have all these little habits but that’s a good thing as I don’t want to be caught.

You always say I drink a lot. Well that’s because water fills the stomach. That’s because that energy drink is my lunch.

The funny thing about eating disorders is that you’re actually hungry all the time. Well, till your body gives up. Then the hungry just goes. That’s when you know it’s back.

I’m so adamant to loose this weight. No matter what it takes. I’m just not looking g forward to the side effects, I really hope my hair doesn’t start to fall out again.

[yuzuyuzuyuzuho]

Reply Questions

2018-07-11 23:10:16

I’m SKE48 Team KII’s Hidaka Yuzuki. Thanks for your likes and comments😊

It's going to be quite long so forgive me.

Let's get started!

Question: I have a question...or I should say something is troubling my mind. There's a lot of SKE48 events in first half of August and no way for me to go for all of them (LOL). I can only go for Mihama Kaiyuusai or Akasaka Sarcas, which one should I go? I can only take leave for 1 of them so go for both is impossible (>_<)

Answer: I thought so too~~~ I'm happy that we got the opportunity to participate in a lot of events. But I think it's hard for everyone too I guess (to go for all of them)😂 If I have to say it, I guess go for Akasaka Sarcas!

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Question: What's your favorite food stand during summer festival??

Answer: I always buy Tamasen! Also squid and Yakisoba!

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Question: What's your favorite brand for clothes? Please tell me the cute kind and the casual one.

Answer: Jouetie and X-girl! The cute kind...? Let me think.. Something like NADIA and lillilly ! (LOL)

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Question: From your point of view, do you think Chunichi Dragons can promoted to class A?

Answer: Yes!

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Question: Where should I pay attention to when you performed Saishuu Bell ga Naru theater stage performance?

Answer: My cool side and my kawaii side Ah, it's every side of me...how should I answer this...

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Question: It's a trivial question but should I cut my hair? I should? Or maybe trim a little bit? Or don't cut? (Just decide it yourself for god sake)

Answer: Personally I like short hair person! I will cut mine too!

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Question: Are you the kind that will remember the fans face at handshake event? I'm a very shy person so it's fine if you can't remember my face too.

Answer: It's not like I remember everyone by face. There are some I remember by face, name, conversation too... It's different for each fan! "I'm the one who wrote that comment." "Previously I wrote something about this" I usually remember those fans if they said that to me I can remember easier if you tell me those kind of things! It's a great help for me. I want to remember everyone.

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Question: Beside Chunichi Dragons players, can you imitate any other players? Especially Nippon-Ham players ? (LOL)

Answer: Erm...Nippon-Ham...? I will try my best (LOL)

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Question: About your future, have you put some thoughts about your dream? Or you haven't and solely focus on SKE48? Another question, if you are to visit Hokkaido at your leisure time, is there any place you want to go?

Answer: I didn't think much about it (dream/future). Now I only focus on SKE48! I can only focus on what's in front of me. I don't have spared effort to think about the future (LOL) For Hokkaido, I want to try out all the delicious foods💗 Any recommendations?

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Question: Do you prefer sexy kind? Or the cute kind?

Answer: Like Ayaya (san)

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Question: What's your favorite dish?

Answer: Is it okay if I answer the dishes by my mum? Then I might end up say all of them😂 (LOL) But if I have to say it, I guess it's gyoza. And also pasta, which taste differently everytime I eat it 🍝

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Question: To welcome summer, are you planning to cut short your hair?

Answer: I REALLY want to do so!

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Question: Please show us your cute photo...

Answer: Here you go

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Question: At your profile, it says you are from Aichi prefecture, but you got thick kansai accent, why is that?

Answer: I have no idea what are you trying to say (LOL) I was born and raised in Aichi!!

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Question: At handshake event, can you differentiate between your own fans and also other SKE fans?

Answer: Somehow I guess! Previously I thought all the fans who come to my lane are my fans. But when I found out that was not the case, So I changed my way of thinking. I believe those who say they like me are my own fans (LOL) It's not applicable for everyone (LOL) And I aim to get more fans who ichi-oshi me!!!!

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Question: I'm going to talk about graduated members. I know you meet with Naru-chan and call them too. What about your previous oshimen, Saanan?

Answer: I always meet with those 2 and call them too. But I didn't call Saanan. She seems to be doing fine⭐️ I'm sure that's she cute (awesome) now too.

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Question: About your companions, do you have any preference for their clothes?

Answer: As long as it's something they like, I'm good with it. Instead of matching my preference, I'm the kind that prefer others who treasure freedom.

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Question: What's the one thing that you want to do at this Summer?

Answer: Eermmmm, cut my hair (LOL)

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Question: Besides foods and Chunichi Dragon. It's a MUST when visit Aichi! What comes to your mind when you get to promote Aichi? For example, tourist spot, famous spot. I would like you to tell me those places that you think it's awesome(^-^)/

Answer: Port of Nagoya Public Aquarium. It's soothing and enjoyable!!!  

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Question: For Saishuu Bell ga Naru theater stage performance, which song took you the most effort to remember?

Answer: The positioning for "Gomen ne, Jewel" and the intro of "Melos no michi" It's confusing!!! But I can do it✌️

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Question: For Saishuu Bell ga Naru theater stage performance , even for someone like you who are good at dancing, please tell me the challenges you faced. Thanks~~~♪( ´▽｀)

Answer: Ah! Same question!! Overall speaking, this stage is very challenging! Or I shoul say it's very confusing!

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Question: After you have continued to support Chunichi Dragons for so long, what's the scene that left the deepest impression in you?

Answer: The Japan Series in 2007! Because I went to watch it live!

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Question: How do other address you in school?

Answer: Yuzuki, or Hidaka! (LOL) But I think most of them call me Yuzu!

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Question: I only went for handshake event once, now I'm feeling nervous(^^;; I guess you can tell how tension I'm? Please teach me how to relieve my tension!

Answer: Just pretend that you are not human ✋ I'm a person that one won't feel nervous much when talking to! I will be happy if you speak to me like a friend😆

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Question: Please tell me what do you do when you feel depressed, for example, song that will cheer you up if you listen to it?

Answer: I solely listen to idol songs! I will become energetic once I listened to my favorite idol songs and makes me feel that I continue to do my best! Sometimes I'm impressed by the lyrics and feel like crying, Even songs with funny lyric can cheer me up too⭐️

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Question: Which idol group did you started to follow recently?

Answer: Tokimeki Sendenbu-san!!! They are so cute... I can't decide my oshimen...

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Question: For those handshake event first timers, what kind of topic will be the best?

Answer: Please tell me why you want to meet me😌💭

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Question: At handshake event, I can't proceed my conversation with Kuma-chan as I have no idea what's she saying then times up. Please teach me a trick that helps to understand what's she talking about easier. *Sorry for asking something that's not related to you*

Answer: There are questions which I have to answer yes or no. (This question is totally fine) Let's do our best. (only way)

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Question: Do you like hairy guy? or hate it?

Answer: That's something that they born with it~~ It's hard to answer this question!! (LOL)

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Question: About the title lettering of "Ikinari Punch Line" When the fans saw it, they thought those are your handwritting. It's a hot topic among Yuzuki fans. But it's Kamacho (Kamata Natsuki).

Answer: A lot of fans told me that too but it's not! Even I myself thought I wrote those since our handwritting are similar! (LOL)

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Question: This year are you planning to go and watch the Aichi prefecture baseball tournament? I will ask something related to that. I'm from Yokkaichi-shi, Mie precture, but I was in Ishikawa's Seiryo high school soccer club. It's baseball club is the regular in high school tournament. Do you know anything about Seiryo high school baseball club?

Answer: I'm planning to! Although I'm not sure if I can or not! (LOL) And of course I know! A friend of mine lives in Ishikawa!

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Question: What do you wish from Chunichi Dragon?

Answer: I hope they don't get hurt.

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Question: The Sumo Nagoya Basho has started today. Anyone you know (including your relatives) follows any sumo wrestlers?

Answer: Sorry, I have no idea😢

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Question: Let's make it simple, for baseball related jobs, what's the next one you want to do?

Answer: If it's related to baseball, I want to do all of them! It can be something new, or something I have done before!

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That's all!!

I think I answered all the questions written at the comment section?

Thanks for your questions😭

I think you all probably have no more questions already.. Or you do have? If that's the case, squeezes it out of your brain and comment about it 😂 (LOL)

I just realized that I didn't really answer the questions (for some of them) NOPE, I DID!

I was running out of time so I just answered with what comes to my mind. For now, let's stop here!! (LOL)

About the announcements, I guess not much difference...

Ah! The date for CBC Radio Summer Festival has been decided⭐️

It's on July, 28th, from 8pm to 9pm! There's pre-signup available, and it's available from 10am onwards, on July, 16th. Please don't forget it!!

If I write the announcements at this post it will become very lengthy, I will be happy if you read it at previous post.😢

I'm counting on you!

And so, Good Night😴🥦

Thanks for reading my blog!!