#i haven’t drawn this guy (officially) in awhile

[luminarytex]

schlungus grumbus

[peemil]

☕evangelion 😳

y'all are killing me

the more time i spend apart from this show, the more i find myself kind of hating it shsjhl;hjsdhjso;d. i am somehow now in an even worse place mentally than i was when i first watched evangelion but even so i am NOT letting myself fall in the same traps of woobifying shinji and excusing the behaviors i shared with him and vice versa.

starting with my most general take, i don't like the rebuilds. like, at all. granted, i haven't seen 3.0 + 1.0 yet, and i will be avoiding spoilers until there is an official english translation, but i feel like the rebuilds are kind of what you get when you listen a little too hard to people who didn't get the psychological parts of eva and spent the latter half of the series wishing it would go "back" to being a regular mecha anime (which it never was in the first place). the rebuilds lack a lot of the same internal conflicts that drive the characters (especially shinji), and higher budget means the rebuilds can be more direct in their storytelling and less reliant on alternative ways of communicating ideas, which causes the rebuilds to lose some of the avant-garde present in the original series. as a result, it's jarring to see some of the attempts made at this in 3.0, and painful to watch these attempts fail, as they have no real precedent in the film series. the best way for me to explain the rebuilds is they feel like sterilized and polished, but hollow versions of the original anime series. but maybe i'm just biased, because none of the things i liked about the original are present in the films.

on to more minutiae... i've said it once and i'll say it again, asuka langley soryu is a LESBIAN and there's nothing anyone can do to make me stop reading her character in this way. the only male characters she is depicted as having any romantic feelings towards in the series just (unintentionally) so... comphet. her obsessive flirting with kaji is rooted in her need to prove her worth as an adult, i.e., to prove to others that she is something she inherently is not. plus, he's older, and he's conventionally attractive, so if she didn't have feelings for him (or at least publicly perform having feelings for him), she'd be out of her mind, right? asuka is also someone shown to pursue connections out of convenience (literally citing it as her primary reason for wanting to be friends with rei), and any intimacy she shares with shinji (i.e., their kissing scene) is done only because 1. she's bored 2. shinji is the closest person available. i find the notion that she's a tsundere hiding her real feelings for him laughable, because we've seen what asuka is like around people she genuinely likes and whom she wants to like: the hatred she shows for rei takes a different form from her hatred for shinji: whereas asuka is disgusted by shinji, she is resentful towards rei. her resentment towards rei curiously begins only after rei rejects asuka's offer of friendship, so i am inclined to believe that asuka's feelings of anger when she sees rei receives more respect than she believes she does at nerv are compounded by the fact that she wanted to like rei and have a connection with rei, but wasn't permitted to do so. we also get to see how asuka acts around the one person with whom asuka is able to form a meaningful connection with, whom she lets herself trust and open up to: hikari. asuka actually has fun with hikari and feels safe enough around her to not only seek refuge with her and her family in her time of need, but also to admit that her rage is mostly towards none other than herself. her behavior towards shinji is nothing like her behavior towards either of these characters, but it is not much different from her behavior towards kensuke and toji, two other boys in her class, so maybe... maybe she just doesn't like boys? lol. i'm aware that asuka is genuinely homophobic and awful in the episode 24 drafts, and that it was in no way, shape, or form the writers' intent to turn that into some sort of commentary on internalized homophobia. but with the canon footage that did get animated, i'm really not sure how else i'm supposed to analyze this aspect of her character.

similarly, i don't appreciate how many fans will treat headcanoning shinji as gay instead of bi is somehow "bi erasure." number one, shinji's behavior and attitudes towards the women around him is actually kind of appalling, so i wouldn't necessarily want to use his objectification of and acts of violence against their bodies as particularly strong evidence that he's genuinely attracted to women. number two, of course a show about a young man made in the late 90's is going to try to portray the people to whom he is attracted primarily as women. partially because they can't start from the get-go with him having his teenage sexual awakening with another male—for a mainstream anime, that wouldn't be profitable—and partially because this is an anime and showing women and girls in a sexual light is profitable. and given shinji's role of audience surrogate, of course he is going to be the one doing the ogling and sexualizing because he is us, and after all, it is the viewer who wants to see the anime tiddies, no? shinji's more sexual encounters with the women in his life are always either deeply awkward, uncomfortable, and even unnatural, or they completely obectify and commodify the bodies of the women in question. for this reason, i have always seen these moments as existing without genuine attraction: only either confusion (because these situations really are quite blatantly sexual) or simply a disingenuous performance of the attraction shinji thinks he should be displaying, manifesting as the same objectification of women he has seen men exhibit for all of his life—it's little more than a mimicry of the bad behavior he has grown up watching, because that's what he thinks attraction towards women is supposed to look like. conversely, his actions with kaworu, while skittish, seem to come much more organically. shinji is constantly and consistently drawn to kaworu, in addition to being willing to open up to kaworu in ways he doesn't let himself with any other person. granted, kaworu is the only person to give shinji the love he desperately needs and craves throughout the entire course of the series, but the fact that kaworu is the first person shinji genuinely acts like a kid his age with a massive crush in a way that doesn't feel blatantly scripted around, as well as the fact that shinji goes on to feel more slighted by kaworu's perceived betrayal than any mistreatment he experiences from anyone in the whole course of the series (save for his literal father)... idk. sus lol

been awhile since i've done a proper rewatch of this show so i can't speak super generally since i unfortunately don't remember too much. one thing i will say though, i LOVE how the series is very upfront about the fact that shinji's loneliness and trauma (and loneliness and trauma in general) are going to be core themes in the series from the start. people say the first 6 episodes are slow just because they don't have as much action as some of the episodes in the middle of the series, but i remember speeding through them in one sitting because i wanted to understand more about shinji and his inner workings; i was fascinated by his psychology. people famously refer to evangelion as a bait-and-switch, and maybe that's true to a degree, because i don't think anyone really saw the shift to more trippy animation coming, but the psychological themes present in the latter parts of the series are still very present in episodes 1-4. i'm also amused by people who say they're "caught off guard" by the last four or so episodes, because the major shift towards being a show primarily about psychology really begins in episode 16, when eva unit 01 is consumed by leliel and shinji has to confront the "self within his self" for the first time in the train car of his mind. i know it begins as just another angel fight but like... guys... how did you miss that... episode 16, because it really is where this shift begins, is actually my favorite episode in the entire series. that, and it was where i was first introduced to this hegelian concept of each person functioning both as an actor or operator who carries out actions, as well as an audience perceiving and observing their actions, their thoughts, and themself. which, to a degree, solidifies the notion that anything and everything technically could be considered performance. it's made my work much, much easier and my day-to-day life much, much more dramatic.

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[amethystcria]

AFTER 291 - Revisiting Twice: Was Dabi listening the whole time?

Lmao I��m so mad I didn’t post this before the leaks because wow...I was right. 

Had to re-edit some parts here but here are the evidences I believed Hori left to implied that Dabi was in fact using Twice. Whether his death was plan or not is still to be decided but... Twice was bait.

I am of the unpopular opinion that both Dabi and Hawks are responsible for Twice’s death.

CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR 291

(FYI: This is rather long bc I haven’t done theories in awhile so I don’t know when to shut up and overdramatic as Dabi sometimes lol.)

It could be just a plot hole Horikoshi didn’t realize he left but it’s been simmering in my mind since all the foreshadowing of Dabi’s upcoming broadcast. And with Dabi admitting how he did think of killing Shoto, his brother, for his goals... This theory doesn’t seem so crazy now. 

Now that we know of the elaborate scheme Dabi has been planning for many years (and good for him!) coming to fruition at last! I have to wonder what role was Twice gonna have in his plan? Was Hawks apart of it too? Had they been playing their part this whole time? (Edit: With the leaks 291 the answer is yes.)

When the mansion got invaded it was so strange to me that while everyone was heading to battleground, Dabi, turned the other way. He was heading toward Twice. Why? How? We all knew that when the raid started Skeptic put the blame on Twice + Hawks and tried to find them. He couldn’t because Hawks had removed the mini cams by then. So how did Dabi know where Twice was located and that he was being targeted?

The only way Dabi would know is if he had been keeping tabs on Twice and Hawks. Becoming familiar enough with their habits and thinking to make the conclusion that Hawks would trap Twice in that specific room. We already know Dabi never trusted Hawks and yet he allowed him to get close to Twice. Why? Especially if he could guess that Twice had become Hawks intended target in his double agent agenda. Unless this is what he wanted...

Which is already pretty bad using an ally like this. If Dabi didn’t want Hawks to get Twice he would have mention it beforehand. He had to have wanted this. But hey let’s give Dabi the benefit of the doubt that maybe he allow this because he thought he had high possibility of avoiding the worst outcome: Twice’s death

But then that would mean Dabi was willing to risk Twice’s life in luring Hawks which is what I think he did. 

But did he really?

(I’ll be using the official viz’s translation for these lines quotes but the japanese raws to show there’s no differentiation between word usage in the images itself.)

Chapter 265 Dabi: Looks like sentiment tripped you up after all, hero! Hawks: I could never allow mere sentiment to trip me up.

We know that when Dabi finally reached Twice’s location that he did not immediately come to his rescue. He waited for an opening and him throwing Hawks’s words back at him then always seem like an indication of his arrival time.

However in the following chapter, 266: Happy Life, Dabi retorts one of Hawks’ line again. It’s easy to miss since it’s only one word this time and not a whole sentence. I didn’t catch it until several rereads later.

Dabi: He was just 'unlucky,' huh? Maybe by your screwed-up standards

Hawks: You've just been unlucky, but you can make a fresh start once you pay for your crimes.

We can see that Dabi is quoting a phrase in his thoughts. He is not saying this. And ordinarily this would be fine except when Hawks said this line to Twice, Dabi was nowhere near to hear this. We see at the end of chapter 264 that Dabi is still running up the stairs...

Unless Hawks was yelling this line which I doubt. Or the time passage between these two panels are different somehow, again: press doubt, Dabi should have not been able to hear this line but he did. How? Either this is an overlook on Horikoshi’s part or Dabi somehow had bugged the room. Pretty wild of a guess especially when Hawks would have taken out any cameras I think...but if Dabi had been overhearing their conversation this whole time then it make sense why he had certain trail of thought passed his mind in this panel.

Panel Above Dabi: Twice. This isn't your fault. As always... scummy heroes are to blame.

Twice was despairing in this chapter blaming himself for once again falling for a trap. I always thought it was very nakama-like that Dabi could SOMEHOW sense Twice’s plead and reply to his soul. “This isn’t your fault” is the closest to an apologize from Dabi, because really isn’t his fault. It’s Dabi’s. And god if he had been listening this whole damn time no wonder he thought this when he did. Of course he could’ve also just heard Twice’s agony scream (sfx seen on the top)...

I could go on longer about how Dabi faked shock on Hawks escaping his hold, how his little show of comradery with Twice in combating Hawks was an act in itself. And his reaction toward Twice’s death, the word choice usages, the tone of it all was quite theatrical. Good show, Dabi!! 

It had to have been if it was being recorded. Gotta play the good ally, right?

I always did wonder why there was such a focus on his hand on these panels in the infamous black speech bubble chapter. It’s not like the other panels where the focus is there because of his burns. He had something in his grasp to hide.

Chapter 291 Spoiler:

It was one of Skeptic’s cameras. 

That makes me wonder something though. Was this when he cut off the film? And if so, why? If he knew Skeptic was gonna see it and the world why end the recording there after torturing Hawks? Y’know aside from obviously saying he doesn’t care about the league, etc.

Are we really so sure that this bubble had his name? Or could there be something else? There’s a good chance this censor wasn't just a tease but indication of when the camera stop for a moment.

I gotta say if Dabi’s pre recording still going on then I fear for his next card drawn. What are the chances he recorded some students on the battlefield as well? Students who shouldn’t be there in the first place whose parents have no clue their child/ren are a participant of war. As far as they know they’re suppose to be on a field trip for their work study program. Oh man are hero society gonna have a field day if that’s reveal~

One thing for sure though. Twice was bait. Whether it went according to Dabi’s original plan can be up for debate(as in his death being the goal...since 291 SPOILER: Dabi’s pre-recording voice only mention Hawks killing Jeanist, not Twice) but Dabi was satisfied with the end result either way. R.I.P. TWICE You were such a swell guy but too easy to use. It happens. You had a good life.

[twdbegins]

A Place to Stay

__

Simon x Nonbinary Reader

Warnings: Language.

Requested by: @the-schizotypal-cryptid

A/N: ALL MY DRAFTS ARE POSTEDDDDD EXCEPT FOR ONE COMING ON DEC. 2

Prompt: Could you consider doing a small story where Simon has to show the “newcomer” around the saviors camp? Only thing is, the newcomer isn’t staying.they own and manage their own self-sufficent camp and are only looking to provide for the Saviors so Simon has to be on best behavior. The .....reader? Is very, very quiet and Dark Academia like, yet for some reason likes Simon’s personality (and offers him a home on their camp- to keep him from getting in Trouble with negan.) basically Simon turns big- fanboy for this intimidating intelligent character. Could you use gender neutral terms? Like (they/them.) thank you for considering!! Have a great day! :) 

Word Count: 2,176

“Okay. So, what do you do around here that gave you the honor of giving this tour?”

__

They had immediately caught his attention. The moment he was tasked with showing them around the Sanctuary and getting them acquainted with the place, he knew something was special about them. He couldn’t quite place it yet, but he knew the question would be nagging at him until he figured it out. They were much more quiet than the people he was accustomed to. They weren’t like the loud, rowdy saviors that always had something to say at every moment of every day.

They were reserved and typically only spoke when spoken to. He knew right off the bat that they were also much more intelligent than the people he identified himself with. They weren’t much of a fighter, but they could persuade and talk themselves out of almost anything. They were mentally sharp and extremely quick when it came to verbal interaction.

They stumbled upon the Sanctuary by accident. They were curious to see what exactly was going on, because it had been awhile since they had seen such a large establishment. Who in the world had the nerve to attempt to run a place like this? Their question was quickly answered when they were caught by none other than the leader himself. Negan was an intimidating guy. They wouldn’t deny it in any way. Negan was intrigued by this mysterious person that had wandered to his precious camp. Their quietness and reservation from speaking was refreshing to him, because it seemed like everyone was always wanting to talk back to him. 

Before they could protest, he had ordered Simon to show them around the Sanctuary to get them situated. It was Negan’s official “grand tour” of the Sanctuary where they would be able to see most of the ins and outs of how things operated. Truth was, they wouldn’t be staying long. They had their own camp not too far away. As a matter of fact, their camp was a bit more satisfactory and successful than the Sanctuary. Although, they had no intention of telling Negan this. 

They were instantly attracted to Simon. Which was strange considering that they typically weren’t into the loud, strong men who were bursting with boisterous personality. They couldn’t explain it, but they were so drawn to his charisma and the way he interacted with them. They immediately had the intentions of providing these so called “Saviors” when needed. Negan surely needed more allies, so they couldn’t imagine him saying no. Their heart began to flutter at the thought of being able to see Simon on a regular basis. 

“So, here’s the main kitchen. There’s another one on the other side, but between you and me; this one is always cleaner and much more preferred.” He explained, leaning against the doorway as he watched them take a gander around the room.

They hadn’t seen a full and functional kitchen in God knows how long. They definitely needed to get Negan on their side. Simon watched as they shuffled around the room, running their hand on the countertops and gazing at all the appliances. 

“This might be a redundant question, but where are you from? You never said.” He questioned. 

They turned their attention back to him. This was the first time they had fully looked at him. He really was handsome now that they were actually looking at him. He himself took a moment to take in their features. They had such a beautifully soft look to them. They looked so comfortably kind and straight out of an ancient library or something. Not many people like that were walking around anymore. He found it reanimating to see someone so...natural.

“Well, I suppose now is a good time to tell you that I don’t plan on staying.” They said honestly.

Simon shrugged, his eyebrows darting upwards;

“I figured as much. You don’t quite seem like the type to stick around with a group like this.” He stated astutely.

They took that as a compliment, considering that they didn’t want to be considered a Savior. They followed Simon’s lead out of the kitchen as they continued their meander around the Sanctuary. 

“It was a bit of an accident. I sort of just ended up here.” They claimed.

“That doesn’t happen very often. The Sanctuary tends to only be found if someone is looking for it,” He replied; “And you still haven’t answered my question.” He grinned at them.

Their cheeks went hot at the way he smiled down at them. Damn, he wasn’t just the strong, loud type. He had a hell of a lot of charm in him too. 

“Right. Well, honestly, I’m from a little camp not too far from here. As a matter of fact, I was beginning to toy with the idea of some sort of...agreement.” They admitted.

Now this caught his ears. As vague as they were being, he knew exactly what they were saying. It had been awhile since the Sanctuary had a decent supplier to make deals and trades with. Oddly enough, Negan was rather picky when it came to things like that. He didn’t want to side with just anybody. He had to take a liking to the group as a whole and that didn’t always happen. If they were seriously offering some kind of agreement, then Simon needed to be on his best behavior. Not that he wouldn’t have been otherwise, but now the stakes were high. Simon always kept himself on the lookout for opportunities like this. He never knew when it could change the future for the Saviors. 

“You mean like a trade/supply deal?” Simon asked to clarify. 

They were surprised by his attentiveness. This man was full of all kinds of surprises. 

“Observant, aren’t you? And yes, that’s what I was referring to.” They answered simply. 

The wheels in his head were turning. He knew better than to jump at the shot before consulting with Negan. Although, Simon feared that he wouldn’t get this offer again. There had been one too many times where a good chance passed him by because he had to wait and consult with Negan. He didn’t want to miss out on this opportunity...but not exactly for the reasons he normally would.

“If you’re asking me for an answer now, then I definitely accept,” He confirmed; “Negan might be another story. He has the final word.” 

They nodded in understanding. They weren’t shocked at this. Negan surely came off as the type to always have the final say. They would deal with Negan on their own terms. 

“For now, consider the two of us allies, I’ll worry about him,” They declared; “Speaking of...”

Oh, boy. Here it comes. He knew it was only a matter of time before the 20 questions game all about Negan came rolling in. Negan always seemed to spark curiosity in everybody. They turned a corner to continue walking into another hallway;

“This Negan guy...what’s up with him?” They asked.

Simon hummed in uncertainty;

“What do you mean?” He asked; “What do you want to know about him?”

They pondered on how to phrase the next question. They could tell that Simon had a respect for Negan, but there was something about their relationship that struck them as odd.

“What’s his story? He seems rather forward.” They noted.

Simon had to be careful here. Despite how fascinated he was with them, he still wasn’t quite trusting of them. He never liked talking about his thoughts on Negan with someone he didn’t know well enough yet. However, they had been kind and patient, so they deserved an answer.

“Everything you see; the way the Sanctuary is now is all because of him. He...replaced the last guy who was head of this place.” He said beating around the truth.

Now he was the one who was being vague. Although, he expected nothing less than them to see right through his bullshit.

“You mean you? You were the one running this place.” They said.

He chuckled at himself for trying to pull a fast one on them. He stopped their trek and leaned his back against the wall;

“In a manner of speaking. It’s better off that way. I’d rather not get into it.” He abruptly ended the conversation. 

They weren’t pushy. They knew when someone was uncomfortable. So, they posed another question;

“Okay. So, what do you do around here that gave you the honor of giving this tour?” They asked cheekily.

They were feeling a sense of boldness that was unfamiliar. It was strange, but exciting.

“I’ve been called many things. Negan’s assistant, second in command, the vice president,” He rattled off; “But most refer to me as Negan’s right hand.” 

They were intrigued. A right-hand man typically did more than the person who they were the right hand to. 

“Impressive. If you can’t be the guy on top, then be his best man.” They said, continuing their walk.

Simon paused. He was a bit floored. No one ever looked at him that way. He had never thought of it that way. He was really starting to like them. 

“That’s one way to put it, yeah.” He recanted with a smile.

They were getting the notion that Simon didn’t really care for Negan. They could tell he wanted something different, or at least wanted to be under someone else’s rule. On top of this, the boldness that they were feeling was bubbling up fast and suddenly they were saying things before even processing it. 

“You know, we could always use an extra hand.” They said suggesting that Simon leave the Sanctuary.

They felt their heart skip a beat. Well, that sounded desperate. Simon looked to them with an amused look;

“It’s only been an hour and you’re already offering me a place to live? Sweetheart, you just might be the forward one here.” He laughed.

They were a little embarrassed at the outburst. What a weird thing to suggest so early on. Still, they committed and went on;

“It’s up to you. My offer stands.” 

This was when Simon realized just how influential they were starting to be on him. Normally, he’d deny it without a second thought. But just for a split second, he had considered it. He really did like the Sanctuary. He was overall content with his life, but even he had to wonder if there was something better waiting for him. It was something for him to think about. He would never abandon ship that quickly, no matter how attracted to them he was. 

“I appreciate it, but I don’t think Negan would take kindly to me leaving. I’m good where I am for now.” He kindly declined. 

He concluded the tour shortly after. Allowing them to give their final thoughts and impressions. They were interested in this place. Again, it had been a while since they had seen anything like it. A supply/trade deal would prove beneficial. They were able to have a private conversation with Negan after it was all done to discuss a possible meeting to go over the fine details. They spoke very highly of Simon and his work ethic, just in an attempt to score him some brownie points. 

Negan was pretty stoked to have this kind of offer on his table. It had been a long time since this had happened. Simon stood outside the door, arms crossed and feet crossed as he tried to listen in. The walls were just so damn thick. He was curious to see how this was going to play out. He definitely wanted to see them again. 

“Are you crushing on Simon?” Negan asked suddenly, noticing the way that they looked away when mentioning him.

“What? No.” They lied quickly.

Negan smirked;

“Oh, you so are. I’ll be fucking damned. I get a supplier and he gets someone who has an eye for him.” 

They blushed for what felt like the millionth time that day. It wasn’t really Negan’s business, but they couldn’t deny it if they made it so obvious. Negan eventually let it go, but he (for once) wasn’t thinking of just himself when accepting your offer. Despite all of Simon’s past mistakes, Negan was fond of his right-hand man. If he could score him a lover, then it was worth it. 

They exited the room in a scurry, not expecting to see Simon standing there. 

“What’s the verdict?” Simon asked with no knowledge of the other conversation that had just been had.

They felt themselves relax at the sight of him. Shit, did they really have it that bad?

“You can now consider me a part-time Savior.” They smiled proudly.

Simon’s heart did a little victory leap;

“Sweet. I look forward to seeing you around.” He charmed.

They nodded;

“Yeah, you too.” 

It had been an interesting day to say the least. Negan earned an ally, Simon found someone he wanted to be romantically involved with, and they just might have fallen in love.

This was only the beginning for the right-hand man’s newly found lover.

[cait-blooms]

Shadow & Bone Trailer Review

Soooo I’m late to the game. Hahaha! The honest truth of why I am only reviewing this trailer till now is because it’s taken me awhile to be drawn into the Grishaverse and the books the upcoming Netflix show is based on. I have slowly become obsessed about the Grishaverse and I read the plot on Wikipedia and the full first book which I know is the lazy way out but after reading the first book and already knowing the ending, I feel okay to just not read anymore. I am super invested in Alina and the Darkling now based on bias of Ben Barnes. Hahaha! Those two are just so pretty. Just like from what I’ve heard from Youtubers who reacted to the trailer, everyone in the cast is just super pretty which is one reason why I can’t stop watching the Shadow & Bone trailer on replay while closely following the behind-the-scenes photos of the set and actors.

At first, I didn’t find the upcoming Netflix show’s trailer interesting until I watched the trailer several times and read the descriptions of the book series it is based on by Leigh Bardugo. Because not a lot of the plot was given away except for an idea of what the story could be, I wasn’t intrigued but the trailer was still entertaining to watch because it had a lot of cool action scenes. Plus the intimate scenes between some characters that still drew me in over and over as I felt compelled to continue watching the trailer even as I have watched it already for dozens of times.

The beginning of the trailer introduces the idea of the story of there being this big bad creatures, who the nation Ravka is trying to fight and defeat. The nation itself is already otherwordly, olden times yet has quite advanced technology in this monarch society. On the first few shots revealing the characters, you can tell by the frequent appearance of newcomer actress Jessie Mei Li that she is playing the main character. I find out later on that her character (the main character) is called Alina Starkov. You see in the trailer how Alina discovers her powers by insinuatingly saving Malyen “Mal” Oretsev (played by Archie Renaux) from one of those dark creatures (who can FLY, by the way. Those things look horrifying and I’m hoping once the episodes premiere on Netflix, I can get a better look at the special effects because everything looks amazing). After that, the next few shots introduces Alina’s emerging powers and her meeting the Darkling (played by Ben Barnes).

After that short clip of Alina meeting the Darkling, the next shots in the trailer reveals some backstory of what to expect in the upcoming TV series which if you read the books, you would easily recognize almost everything else in the trailer for what’s mentioned in the first book of the Grisha Trilogy. You will also recognize characters from Bardugo’s other book series Six of Crows which is a duology that gives more depth to the Grishaverse from what I’ve heard. I haven’t read those books either so forgive me if I miss anything worth mentioning about these characters. Though their attitude that’s seen in the very few shots for those characters (Six of Crows) were part of what drew me in when I mentioned earlier that the action scenes were so interesting to me in the brief frames that appeared in this trailer.

What gave me the final push of officially watching this series upon release was the chemistry that I saw between the characters: Mal and Alina, Alina and the darkling, Kaz and Jesper, and Genya and Alina. The music in this trailer definitely helped me make that push as I felt that emotion these actors evoked when playing these characters. They are so mysterious and it makes you want to watch more which I think is always the intention when putting out a trailer. This is a definite watch for me as I wait for this series to release the day after my birthday.

What are your guys’ thoughts on the upcoming series? Is there anything you hope to see in this show that you read in the books (if you’ve read them)? Until we chat again!

[jenanigans1207]

The Memories We Shared [UPDATES]

Hi! It has recently occurred to me that I haven’t posted about this fic for awhile. That’s probably because I stopped writing it for awhile. So I wanted to come back and let you know that it is very much alive! In fact, I just posted chapter 12 and this fic is officially across the 100k mark!!! So, here’s a preview of chapter 12 and a link to catch up if you’re so inclined :)

--

The next morning Lance lays on the couch staring at the ceiling, one arm flung out to the side and just dangling while the other was draped over his forehead, pushing his bangs away from his eyes. He’d been starting to sleep in the bedroom but the big blowout he and Keith had gone through the night before had successfully stripped him of his ability to stay in that room for more than a minute. He’d gone in just long enough to return the ring to its place in his night stand and grab a pair of pajamas before retreating to the couch for the night. It was pitiful, really, but his heart ached too much in his chest.

 In the grand scheme of things, he understood both of their points, he really did. Keith wasn’t wrong or off base and he was absolutely entitled to his feelings. And it wasn’t fair at all of Lance to punish him simply because his feelings were different than Keith’s. He knew that he needed to swallow down the jagged edges of his heart and apologize to Keith but he needed a little bit of time to lick his wounds, first. Time to come to terms with the fact that despite everything, Keith still didn’t feel like their foundation was solid.

 Unfortunately for Lance, time was not on his side. He was still staring blankly up at the ceiling above when he heard the lock on the apartment door jiggle a moment before the door itself opened and multiple sets of footsteps entered the house. Lance turned his head, eyes wide with surprise, just in time to see Keith, Shiro and Adam all trail into the apartment, arms filled with different things. Lance watched silently as they struggled to kick their shoes off without letting go of any of the belongings they were cradling, Shiro nearly tipping over in the process. 

 For the moment, it didn’t look like they had noticed him yet. But when Lance finally pressed up into a sitting position, the blanket falling into his lap from where it was covering his chest, all eyes seemed to snap to him at once. Shiro and Adam smiled brightly at him, completely unbothered by the situation, it seemed. But Keith— Keith’s eyes trailed from Lance and across the couch he was laying on. Lance could clearly see the moment he looked at each item— the blanket, the pillow— and watched as his smile fell into a guilty frown.

 Great, just what Lance needed. His first      moments     of seeing Keith again and he’s already screwed them up somehow.

 Clearing his throat, Lance threw his legs off the side of couch, “Good morning,”

 Shiro and Adam both turned to glance expectantly at Keith but Keith seemed frozen, his eyes lingering on the discarded pile of clothes at the foot of the couch. The clothes Lance had been wearing last night. The clothes he had to change out of in the middle of the family room because he couldn’t bear to be in the bedroom. 

 A beat passes and then Shiro speaks up, taking control of the situation. It causes Lance to at least break his gaze away from Keith, which is probably better. “Good morning! If you’re willing to get your lazy ass up, we’d love some help putting this stuff away. No idea where it goes.”

 “Isn’t it like nine?” Lance asks instead of asking what      this stuff     is or why it’s in his apartment. Instead of asking why he’s putting anything away because as far as he knows, everything he owns is already here, in its designated location.

 Of course, the implication of that is clear and it doesn’t miss Lance by any means. But after the disaster of a conversation their evening had ended on the night before, Lance was not about to get his hopes up even the tiniest bit. 

 “Nine-twelve,” Adam answers, brushing past Shiro to come further into the apartment, “Which only makes you lazier.”

 “And sometimes I think I miss you guys,” Lance says and there’s a hint of real bitterness to it, even though it’s not directed at them. Shiro glances between him and Keith— who is still standing stock still and silent just inside the entry— eyebrows drawn together as he clearly tries to make some sort of connection. 

 “And you’re always right when you think that!” Adam laughs breezily and Lance knows it’s a little awkward because this whole situation is a little awkward. At this point, his whole      life     is a little awkward. The bitterness only deepens at the thought.

Catch up HERE

[kyliexc]

AYOOOOOO, it me, mini from the blockkk ~ and im here to give you a very bratty kid. she’s rude, unfiltered, ride or die and a hell of a fighter. truly, i hate her but i hope you enjoy her and i wanna plot with everyone new and old pls. 

chicago’s very own kylie castillo has been spotted on madison avenue driving a bentley continental gt, welcome ! your resemblance to becky g is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty first birthday bash  . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re hot tempered , but being brave might help you . i think being an aries explains that .  3 things that would paint  a  better picture of you would be a bottle of patron, messy makeup brushes and a joint. & ( female + she/her  ) +  ( mini , 23, she/her , est )

We got a pinterest board right here ! Besides that, give this a like and i’ll mssge u! 

Basic Information

Full Name: kylie valentina castillo

Nickname(s): ky, kyky, k, kybby

Age: 21

Height: 5 ft

Date of Birth: April 15th 1998

Zodiac sign: aries

Hogwarts house: slythindor (slytherin + gryffindor)

Ethnicity: mexican

Nationality: american

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Orientation: bisexual

Religion: agnostic-catholic

Tattoos: a peach on her ass, #2 tramp stamp and canon becky g tattoos

Language(s) Spoken: english + spanish

Accent: american with a hint of spanish

Favourites

Weather: fall

Colour: yellow or pink

Music: sebastian yatra, reik, travis scott,

Movies: halloween or selena

Sport: soccer, basketball, hockey, volleyball

Beverage: tequila

Food: chicken or carne asada tacos 

Animal: lions + dogs

Family

Father: alejandro castillo, soccer player (jersey #7)

Mother: lupe castillo (molina), seamstress/designer

Sibling(s): ricky castillo

Step Siblings: jesse james altera, elissa altera

Pet(s): sushi and lola (dogs)

BIOGRAPHY

FAMILY HISTORY

kylie castillo is 2nd generation American, meaning that both pair of her grandparents immigrated to the United States a looong time ago from Mexico, and both her parents grew up in the USA. 

Her dad, alejandro castillo grew up in Los Angelos, California working to be a big time soccer player, and he got scouted but he ended up playing for MEXICO, and when he wasn’t playing for the official team, he played for Barcelona FC. So her dad made a name for himself in soccer. 

Her mom, lupe castillo molina grew up in Chicago, Illinois. She went to school and started up her own fashion brand, it was small and slowly growing as she was working as a seamstress for different companies all over Chicago. It took awhile to take off, but it did, and she had a shop in Spain bc she was illegal in the US and it was easier to stay in Spain and gain citizenship. ANYWAY, her shop blew up in Europe before getting big in the US. 

Both met in Barcelona where lupe was just a fan. it suddenly became more after they got pregnant, and after they married with their first child they decided to settle in Chicago. 

They were together until Kylie was 12 years old and her mom started seeing angelo altera, eventually marrying him for a few years. This means that she’s step siblings with lennon james and elissa altera! 

That marriage didn’t last that long, so right now both her parents are single, separated and living in different households that share the same customs. EXCEPT, kylie’s mom and dad seem to be sorta reconciling~

lupe castillo currently lives in New York for her step kids and kids while alejandro castillo still resides in Chicago, and sometimes Los Angelos. 

WHO IS KYLIE CASTILLO?

kylie was born in Chicago and she had a pretty normal childhood. she grew up in a house with her parents, siblings and grandparents under one household, growing up with hispanic traditions. She grew up speaking latin american spanish meaning she’s bilingual and is 100% PROUD of her ethnicity even though she has been told the typical slurs from ignorant people, but you know, it happens. it’s really only made her stronger as a person.

kylie has always been the closest to her dad and he implemented not just in kylie but in all of his kids that if you work hard you can achieve anything. to not let anyone tell you that you can’t do things. this was especially true with sports. ofc having a soccer player for a dad, kylie was automatically interested in soccer, all of her siblings were and are. they were known as the sports family on the block.

while her dad taught her sports and to toughen up in any situation, by no means does this mean she was a tomboy. she can play a game of soccer in 6 inch heels. if you don’t think so, she’ll prove it to you! So while her soccer interest grew, her mom would introduce kylie to clothes, makeup, cooking. all of that stuff so kylie always knew to be presentable. ‘let them judge you by what you wear so you can prove them wrong with who you are.’ is one of a thousand quotes her mom would tell her about life.

even if kylie grew up comfortable and in a good position, her parents instilled the value that you gotta work hard to get what you want. if you don’t implement blood, sweat and tears, you haven’t earned it. So if you know kylie, she’s a partier mixed with a workaholic sometimes mixed with a UFC Fighter dEKJGDKJFSGH

When her parents broke up, she went on a rebellious streak, more of a streak than the one she’s always on. she had family that weren’t the safest but for kylie it was safe. so she got involved with some shady characters, and she’s done some stufffffffffff. hmu if you wanna know more. FKJGHDFKHGJ that went on for awhile, she was wildin and she settled into her new home with her step siblings and step dad. 

Kylie is still very much closer to her dad than her mom but she loves them both, bouncing between houses and states (since her mom lives in NYC now) to hang out with each of them often. 

In a grand total, she’s a problem child that just likes to have fun. 

CAREER

There was at one point where she wanted to be a soccer player like her dad but for a women’s team. although there were times growing up where she would definitely show guys she could kick their asses in the sport. she still can! 

When her dad found out what she wanted, he made sure and he worked with her everyday to make her a better player, EXCEPT, kylie overworks herself, A LOT, even when her dad didn’t schedule practices. it didn’t work out for her in the end because during a game she really messed up her knee where she had to give up the sport.

She was DEVASTATED, and she moped for about a day before she found something else, which was makeup. She actually rlly slowly got into it, watching tutorials, practicing on her lita’s, siblings, tia’s, mom, etc. By networking through her mom’s connections, she landed a couple of gigs to do makeup for a couple of backstage things and movie productions. she was getting around to a lot of stuff.

For awhile she was an MUA, and works with a lot of different people. she doesn’t care who you are as long as you’re chill, but then she wanted to try something different and went into music. She is step siblings to lennon james, and there is a lot of musical influence in her life, so of course she was going to dip into that. 

Her style of music is primarily in spanish, targeting that market and since it’s being big in the US, she’s definitely one of the prominent artists since she’s one of the few born in America that makes this type of music. So currently she’s working out stuff with music, working on collaborations, and then doing things in other fields.

Kylie doesn’t believe in limiting herself, if she wants to do something, she’ll do it. She also very much loves to work with charities and going to marches for things she believes in, using her platform for things like that ... even if she isn’t the best person to look up to. 

PERSONALITY

kylie is literally F I E R C E. she’s got two types of personalities, one where she’s a home body and loves her family, will beat you in a quick game of soccer. she’s that bubbly girl with the laughter, sarcastic remarks followed by a smirk at the end of it

BUT

she is also that girl that when it’s time to work, she is scary. she knows what she wants, she knows how she wants it and she will get flustered when it’s not like that. she’s got a whole ‘that BIIITCH’ personality, like when she’s on the red carpet, she just has it going for her kind of thing.

but she’s a goof, and that’s something everyone will notice. she loves to make people laugh and smile. 

if you’re an asshole, those are her favorite types where she’s just drawn to those people. she really does love a challenge. 

A big thing for her is she is really hot tempered. talk shit get hit, is kinda her thing. if you wanna start an argument, don’t expect to come out of it without a scratch on you when you’re with kylie. she just has that mentality that if you don’t wanna talk it out she already has her hands up to start swinging. 

If you’re close to her, she will ADORE YOU. This girl is ride or die for anyone she loves, she doesn’t care what you did, or how other people perceive you. if you’re close with kylie, that’s all she cares about. she’s too loyal.

connections?

old school friends

old school enemies

makeup clientele

squad?

ride or die

drunk friends

sibling like friends

exes ( good + bad + messy + angsty )

crushes ?

former lovers to friends

um, anything? let’s brainstorm ! :)

[accidentally-logince]

Last Place Pt. 2

OKAY, so if anyone read the Soulmate AU prompt I wrote earlier today.... I did not like the ending. So! I fixed it! (Yes. A self-fixed fic. It’s because I’m bad at endings ;P)

If you missed the first part, you can read it here

Pairings: RED (Remy, Emile, Deceit)

Warnings: Crying, insecurity, feelings of not being good enough

Word Count: 1.5k (Yes I wrote 1500 words of I-don’t-like-the-ending fic)

Deceit’s name is Emery

---

It had been a few weeks now. Emile had officially moved in with Remy and Emery, and shared a room with them. They'd asked him if he wanted his own room; Remy said he was more than willing to turn one of the storage rooms (that was really just a room that they put the stuff they didn't have a place for) into a bedroom. It was more than big enough to be Emile's room, all to himself, but Emile had wanted to be with them.

When Emery and Remy were asleep, Emile tucked in the middle of them as they all wrapped their arms around each other, Emile stared up at the ceiling, listening carefully to the others' breathing to make sure they weren't awake. Then, he eased himself out of the pile and quietly left the room, moving to the kitchen.

Emile had been practicing for about two weeks at this point. When he'd moved in and started spending more time with Emery and Remy, they'd started asking questions. Namely, why he didn't draw on their arms.

"I loved your drawings when we were younger," he remembered Emery saying one night. They'd been around the table for dinner, and Emile was admiring another one of their drawings. Once the topic came up, it had shifted to Emile. "Why did you stop?"

At the time, Emile's heart had sunk. He didn't want to bring the mood down, so he told them he'd been drawing on paper to practice, because it was an easier surface than their skin. They'd believed him, but now Emile felt like they were expecting him to do more. To start drawing again. He couldn't help but think they were disappointed with him for not doing what they were doing. So, like he usually did when he was pushed away for being last place, he tried to make himself better.

Every night, he'd been sneaking out while Remy and Emery slept, doodling and trying to get better, to get to a point where they would believe that he hadn't just stopped altogether. At first he'd started on paper. It seemed easier. But now, he figured he should do it on his skin, so that he was more used to it. He'd just have to wash it every night before the others woke up.

Tonight, though, he jumped when the bedroom door opened, scrambling to hide his arm, but he'd stupidly decided to wear a T-shirt and had nothing to cover up with. He settled for ducking behind the counter, hoping that whoever had got up was just going to get a snack or a drink and then go back to bed. 

Emile cowered behind the counter for a couple minutes as he heard the water run, someone take a few drinks, and then footsteps again. He started to feel relieved until he turned to get up and saw Emery in front of him. Emile starts, his head darting up and knocking into the base of the counter behind him.

"Oh, god, shit, sorry," Emery whispers. "Crap, I didn't mean to scare you, I just--here, come on, get up..."

They moved around, settling down in the living room, on the chair. Emile sat in Emery's lap--partly because the seat was only for one person, partly because he just needed to be held right now--and tucked himself into Emery's chest, feeling it rise and fall beneath him.

"Now, do you want to tell me why you're awake and hiding in the kitchen at two in the morning, or am I to assume it has something to do with this?" Emery gently grabs Emile's arm, holding it up. On it is Emile's indecipherable drawing, hardly better than anything a middle schooler could come up with.

Emile's eyes dart down, and he feels tears pricking behind his eyes.

"How did you know I was there?" Emile whispers, still not looking up into Emery's eyes. 

"I knew you were up," Emery answers. "I obviously noticed you weren't in bed, and the lights in the bathroom weren't on." Shoot. Emile should have seen that one coming. But Emery continues. "I also knew you'd been up for the past little while. We both did."

"What? How did you know that?"

Emery gives a sympathetic smile and rolls up his sleeve. "I always feel the tingling of your drawing on my arm. I decided not to bring it up at first, but it's been awhile, and they're never there when we wake up." His smile falls. "What's wrong, Emile? Why are you sneaking away at night? Why can't you draw during the day?"

Emile feels like he's about five seconds away from bursting into tears. "Um... uh, I..." he struggles to come up with a lie that makes sense, that doesn't give him away, He really doesn't want Emery to be disappointed in him. "I-I've been working on something big," he starts, his voice shaking, and he curses himself for it. "I just didn't want you guys to see yet, so--"

Emery holds a finger up to Emile's lips, quieting him. He lets out a sigh, and Emile frowns. "I can tell that you're lying, Em," he says. "Please tell me what's wrong, I can't help if I don't know."

"You couldn't help if you did know," Emile says, immediately wishing he could take it back. But now that the floodgates have opened, he can't stop his mouth from moving. "I stopped drawing for years. After I stopped drawing on my skin I never did it again, even on paper or anything. I haven't drawn anything since, and I feel so dumb for it, because everyone does it, they all share their drawings with their Soulmates, and I was so scared to try again."

At this point, tears are running down Emile's cheeks. "I'm so used to being in last place. That's why I just stuck to complimenting your drawings, and Remy's... I didn't want to make my own and have you guys start ignoring them, or thinking they're not good enough, and now you want me to start again, and I didn't want to disappoint you, and I was trying to get better at it so I didn't make you guys upset but it's not working, and I'm so scared that you'll be disappointed."

Emery runs his fingers through Emile's hair, trying to calm him down. He's full-on crying now, and Remy will probably show up right away. He'd been awake when Emery got up and could no doubt hear them right now.

"Emile, we don't need you to draw," Emery says. "If you don't want to, we're not trying to force you. I'm sorry if we gave you the idea that you need to do that, we never meant to."

"It's not just the drawings, though," Emile sobs. "I'm scared that I'm not good enough. I don't want you guys to think that you're better off without me, because I... I love you guys." The last part is whispered, and Emery finds himself at a loss for words. He and Remy had told each other "I Love You" many times, but this was Emile's first time saying it. During such a vulnerable moment.

He was scared. He'd been trying to tell them. He's so scared.

"We love you too, Emile."

Both heads turned, seeing Remy come around the corner into the living room. "We don't ever want you to feel like you're not good enough, Em," Remy says, kneeling down when he gets to them. Emile shifts in Emery's lap so he can reach down and hold one of Remy's outreached hands. When he takes it, Remy rubs his thumb over the back of Emile's hand reassuringly as he stares up at them. His sunglasses have been discarded, allowing Emile to see the sincerity in his eyes.

"We're going to sit here," Remy says, then grunts as he repositions himself to sit with his legs crossed, "until you understand that we love you. And then we're going to go to sleep, and we'll make pancakes in the morning, and then we'll love you forever. That plan sound good with you?" He flashes Emile a smile at the end, and Emile rubs some tears off of his cheeks, returning the smile. "I think that sounds nice," he says softly. Remy grins, his tongue catching between his teeth, and he leans up to press a kiss to Emile's lips. At the same time, Emery presses one to his temple.

"We understand that it's going to take some time to move past the fears that you have," Emery whispers. "But we are more than willing to take that time, and to help you through it. All you need to do is allow us to."

Emile smiles besottedly, attempting to hide his burning face in his hands. He nods slowly, and they all move back to the bedroom--Emery carrying Emile in his arms--and for the first time since he's met them, Emile feels completely and fully loved by his Soulmates.

---

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My Other Fics

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[stevesparker]

drunken confession (s.r)

synopsis: you get drunk with nat and wanda when the conversation about the hottest avenger arises. you start gushing over steve when, much to your dismay, he overhears.

warnings: drinking and a whole lotta fluff

word count: 1.8k

a/n: i highkey needed this in my life, so i had to write it! this is my first imagine, so I really hope you guys enjoy it! also, please send in requests! this can easily be made into a second part, so let me know if you’d like to see that ;)

“Come on, stop being such a wuss and take another shot!” My eyes dart up to the person who’s slurred words echo through the large room, my lips pursing immediately. My hand reaches back to find a pillow placed on the couch I am currently lounged on. After reaching around for awhile, my fingers find the square fabric as I bring it forward and place it on my lap. I hate being called a wuss, and the girl, who just so happens to be one of my best friends, knows this.

“This is my eighth shot Nat, I am not a wuss! I don’t even feel drunk!” As the words leave my lips, a hiccup closely follows, causing the two other girls in the room to burst into a fit of giggles. There is no denying we are all plastered, but none of us will admit just how much we are. The third and final girl, Wanda, just stands up, taking wobbly steps over to grab another bottle. She reaches the counter, grabbing both raspberry and peach flavored vodkas. The girl just stands in her spot, contemplating for a few seconds too long, before setting down the raspberry alcohol and bringing the peach over to us.

“All three of us will take another shot then. We’ll prove none of us are wusses by getting even more drunk,” Wanda announces, a teasing smirk tugging at her lips. She begins twisting the cap off the bottle before setting it onto the table scattered with red solo cups and a couple empty bottles of liquor. The alcohol is barely on the table for a second when Nat snatches it up, pouring the crystal clear liquid into a shot glass. She takes the shot without flinching, practically slamming the small glass back on the table. The girl shoves the vodka into my hands, sitting back and waiting for me to pour a shot. My eyes flicker to the bottle, then between the two girls who are looking at me. My head is spinning, and my judgment is way past gone. My angels and demons are having an inner battle on whether or not I should drink more.

“Are you going to take a shot or not,” Natasha quips, her arms folding over her chest. The redhead can’t contain herself, a smile appearing on her face as she whispers a single word she knows will get to me, “wuss.” I just squint over at her, holding the bottle to my lips and tilting my head back as I flip her off. I take a few big gulps of the liquid, it burning my throat as it descends down. My face contorts as I disconnect the bottle from my lips, and set it back on the table. I suddenly flop back onto the couch, wisps of hair engulfing my face as I sigh dramatically.

“Uh oh,” Wanda begins as her hands fiddle with the blanket draped across her, “that sigh didn’t sound good.” I just lay in silence, my eyes following the spinning fan on the ceiling. My hands rest on my bare stomach, the fabric from my white t-shirt riding up, which I am much too intoxicated to fix. I’m not entirely sure why I’m sighing, or maybe I’m too enthralled with the fan.

“Who do you thinks the hottest here,” I blurt out suddenly, catching the two other girls off guard. Wanda immediately begins laughing, causing Nat to chuckle slightly with her. I flip onto my side, looking at the two others with eyebrows furrowed, “no, I’m serious! We’ve never really talked about this before!” The comment stops the laughing between the two girls, their wide eyes meeting. It takes only a couple of seconds for the giggling to resume, this time much louder. I grab the pillow, that was once on my lap, off of the floor, throwing it between the two. It hits Wanda in the arm, the giggling beginning to die down.

“Are you serious? We talk about it all the time! Especially your big ass crush on-“ I cut Natasha off, a loud yell escaping from my lips. The two others in the room stop laughing completely as their eyes bore into mine. I just fully sit up, my eyes wide and my jaw practically on the floor.

“What did we agree on! We never, ever, ever speak of that,” I exclaim loudly. I can tell the other two girls are attempting not to laugh, the look on my face being a dead indicator they should try extra hard. I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, swinging my legs off the couch, “it’s ridiculous anyways, it’s not like he feels the same way!”

“Ste- I mean he, isn’t even here right now! You can scream it on the top of your lungs hun, only we’ll hear you!” I just stare at Wanda, my head tilting to the side slightly, it filling with all the thoughts I’ve been repressing. A small smile over takes my lips and a rosy color paints the apples of my cheeks just thinking about him. I’ve been swooning over him since I became part of the avengers. You wouldn’t believe how good I’ve gotten at hiding it. I lick my lips, grabbing a shot glass and pouring another shot, immediately downing it without a second of hesitation.

“You know what, you’re right! He isn’t here so why should I have to hide how dreamy he is? Or how perfect he is? Or how when he smiles I feel like my insides are pop rocks? Or, or, how all I want is to kiss his stupidly perfect face,” I take a deep breath, knowing my tangent is far from over. In fact, I am just beginning to list off the things that make Steve Rogers so perfect. My hand reaches for the bottle again causing Nat to reach forward and grab it from my grip.

“No more alcohol for you, I’m officially cutting you off before you plan your wedding with Rogers.” I just huff, my lips beginning to pout as Wanda takes the bottle from the other girl, and sets it on the table next to her. Deep down I know this is a smart decision, but alcohol would help calm my nerves and get me to vent without a second of hesitation. I decide to let it go as I sit deeper into the couch, my hands rubbing my face as I try to grasp onto a few words to say.

“He has no idea that I’m helplessly in like with him, and there’s no way I can tell him! I can picture it now… I’d tell him how I feel and since he’s so dumb, and perfect, and sweet, he’d try to turn me down in the nicest way possible! Then I’d have to see him all the time, and try not to stare at his stupidly perfect face! Guy’s I am so screwed, I’m so into Steve Rogers,” I open my mouth to continue when I notice Natasha and Wanda’s faces. Their eyes are the size of saucers, and they both look like they’ve just seen a ghost. My face contorts with confusion as I try to figure out what is going on with them. I’m snapped out of my wondering by a voice coming from behind me.

“My stupidly perfect face? That’s kinda an oxymoron don’t you think?” My hand immediately clasps over my mouth as I try not to freak out. I know exactly who that voice belongs to, and I know exactly what he just heard. I squeeze my eyes shut for a second, hoping it will somehow help me figure out what to do. My eyes snap open at the same time I slowly stand up, turning to face the guy I just gushed over. He’s standing in the door frame, a smirk etched on his face. I stand in my place, pulling down the hem of my shirt before awkwardly crossing my arms.

“Oh, Steve! Isn’t that a coincidence! We were just talking about this guy that has the exact same name as you! Would you believe it” I manage to stammer out, the excuse sounding much better in my drunken head. He just chuckles, his hand scratching the nape of his neck. I gulp slightly, trying to keep my eyes on his face instead of his perfectly sculpted arm muscles.

“As much as you’d like me to believe it, I can’t say I do” he responds back to me, taking a few steps into the booze stenched room. I bite the inside of my cheek, my eyes darting to the two girls sitting on the couch. They haven’t moved an inch, and I know their help would be as useless as it gets. I look back over at Steve who I can’t help but notice has drawn much closer to me. He clears his throat, stopping dead in his tracks, “I’m not gonna lie, I had no idea you had any type of feelings like this towards me. I always thought you saw me as kind of a… father figure.”

I immediately burst into a fit of laughter, the alcohol making it impossible for me to hide any type of emotion, “a father figure? Hell no, I’ve always had the hots for you Rogers!” As soon as the words slip out of my mouth, I immediately regret it. Sure, he heard me talking about him moments before, but I just said I liked him... to his face. There is nothing I can do now. He smiles again, those feelings of pop rocks I was talking about earlier making an unavoidable appearance.

“Well, even though you won’t remember this in the morning, I’ve always had the hots for you too.” Before I have the chance to process what has just happened, a shriek emerges from behind me. I don’t move to see which one of the girls it was though, it doesn’t matter in this moment. I attempt to string some cohesive words together in my head, trying to find something witty that I would say when I’m sober.

“Well, even though I won’t remember this in the morning, it looks like we need to go on a date.” Steve just stands there, the smile on his face not faltering for a second. He nods his head, his hands slipping into his pant pockets as he rocks on the balls of his feet. I just take a step forward, standing on my tip toes and planting a kiss on the boy’s cheek. Now that is something sober me would never even dream about doing. I retract back, a smirk of sorts on my lips as Steve just stands there in shock. I blink up at him, hoping my drunk actions didn’t scare the boy off.

“Don’t you worry about not remembering, I’ll remind you tomorrow,” he manages to say as he makes his way towards the door, his hand resting on the doorknob as he looks behind him, “I have to go meet Tony, but have a good rest of your night. Drink some water before you go to bed too. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He walks fully out of the room, closing the door with a final smile and a soft thud. I am left staring at the door, beaming from ear to ear like a complete and utter lovestruck idiot.

“Oh god, please tell me I’ll remember this in the morning,” I whisper breathlessly as Wanda and Nat burst into a fit of girlish squeals from the couch.

[aicosu]

Lotura prompt: Victorian/Jane Eyre style courting. Also!! What did you think was garbage about S6?????

It starts with mineral from Caltraak. A custerfori gem on a chain. Pinks and golds, sliced into fractures.  A necklace.

She almost didn’t see it at first. It sits on the Castle’s left control, where her hand hovers over it as it glitters in the corner of her eye. A place only she would occupy.

Meant for her.

It's innocuous. Simple. No bigger than the top of her fingertip.

“You okay there, Allura?”

It’s Hunk who asks.

Her fingers scoop the gem into her hand, and she slides the thin jewelry into the lining of her collar.

“I’m fine.”

She tries not to think about what picking it up means, tries not to think too hard on what it means. And oddly, she knows what it means. She shouldn’t, not now, not hundreds and thousands of years later in a world where such a gesture doesn’t even matter anymore. And where a return gesture can’t even follow. (Altea is gone, her people are gone, she doesn’t even have a handmaiden to take down a poem, let alone deliver it.)

Her hands return to the controls, the panels flashing up like gems of their own.

She ignores it. She ignores the press at her throat or the cold tickle of the links and puts effort into not looking over at the viewport where Corran stands with his back turned, next to the only other Altean onboard.

Maybe it was nothing.

It was probably nothing.

When she returns from a meeting with Ryner and Pidge about perimeter defenses, it’s Pidge who points out the rubric probe before her quarter doors. “Is that--- Galra tech?” “Wait, Pidge--”

The paladin is quick to act though, and the race to the door fills Allura’s cheeks with a heat not related to sprinting.

“Are the Galra sending spies--” Pidge’s hand shoots out to apprehend the floating rubric, it’s activation light making her fingers glow purple. “Pidge wait--Don’t touch it, it’s just-- It’s--it’s for me!”She shouts the last part. Enough to stop the younger girl. She catches up, giving a frown, before outstretching her palms.

The rubric settles in her palm. And Pidge starts to ask her who the message is from, but duly accepted, the probe simply snaps open, light flaring in the hall as a binary melody plays six or seven notes.

It’s an Altean song. One her mother had played for her once. And any idea that the previous gift had been some coincidence or misunderstanding is squashed by the burned in textbook lessons from her days training in court manners and etiquette.

“A message? Is it… some kind of encryption in a music box?”The rubric goes silent. Pidge is staring at her. “It’s… not encrypted in the way you mean. It’s just… it’s an Altean practice for…”She’s not saying it. And she’s not sure if it’s because she’s too embarrassed or too ashamed. 

“It’s an… offer of engagement.”

“For war?” Her eyes snap to the girl in surprise, but then in understanding. What other reason would Pidge think anything but? With the daily troubles they have during the battles around them. War is their every concern. “For marriage.”

“Wait. What!?”“Please--” She urges, a hushed whisper to remind Pidge to be quiet. “It’s--it’s actually quite common among Altean culture to have tokens sent to the one your interested in for matrimony--”“Who is it? Who is proposing?”“We often go months exchanging gifts before anything is officially announced.”“Exchanging? Wait-- so you’re saying you and someone else have been talking about getting married for months? Through drones?”“N-No!” Her ears go hot, and her breast tickles with the necklace dangling beneath her suit. “This is only the second token and… I haven’t… I can’t respond.”Pidge adjusts her glasses with a look of discomfort. “Why not?”“Why not? I--I can’t deal with an engagement now! We’re so busy, and, it, I-I don’t even have time to craft the necessary response, I would need -- I would need an Altean menagerie to have enough variations of flowers in order to properly convey my feelings for him to properly understand.”“Altean engagement sounds complicated.”“That’s not even half of it! As of his first gift, we aren’t even to speak to each other until a lady in my waiting responds with my consent for more gifts or a rejection.”“So get someone to reject Lotor for you then.” “I--”

The name fills the space between them in the hall and suddenly she’s hot all over. And despite being so much taller then Pidge, Allura feels very small, and very young.

“How did you..?”Pidge looks at her with that gleam she gets when pointing out obvious mathematical errors. Her fingers even count out each of her points. “Galra tech, Altean custom. And we talked to Corran this morning. Not that he seems the type. He is kinda old.”Allura’s fingers roll on the rubric, as her jaw works her tongue in her mouth nervously. “Oh, this is… inconvenient.”

“Look… I wouldn’t… normally volunteer. This doesn’t really seem like my area of expertise, but honestly, it doesn’t seem like anybody elses either. Unless Corran.”“Oh no, please-- He’d be livid in my honor, I couldn’t--”“Then if you need a…. lady in waiting...?” Pidge shrugs, and this time it is her whose blushing, looking uncomfortable, but generous.

Allura hugs her.

--

It takes some time. And honestly, it’s not at all traditional. But his gifts had been… imitations of tradition as well. Not that she blamed him. Half Altean and half Galra, she was surprised he even knew the steps.

Surprise. She had put that in there too.

Attendance (but silence) is mandatory. So she and Pidge walk to the pod docks where they know he is.

Shiro is there too, sitting on a crate and helping Lotor rewire his cruiser. Just to make this even more humiliating.

Neither man hear them approach at first, the sautering tool in Shiro’s hand is too loud. So Pidge has to yell.

“Hey! Lotor!” Allura cringes beside her. The honorific is missing, and when the noise goes out and they get his attention, Pidge doesn’t bow.

But to his credit, the Galran Prince seems to know what’s happening immediately.

He goes to his knee.

The drop of his frame seems to sink her heart into her stomach as he does it, slow and calculated. He keeps his eyes on Pidge though, unwavering even as his knows flares.

Shiro’s sauter fumbles in his fingers. “UH--”

“Uh….” Pidge trails. Too.

The Paladins both look to Allura. She nods to Pidge, pointedly, trying not to shake.

This is not how she imagined her first courting to turn out. Not with such impropriety and lack of privacy. Nor did she imagine it would be in a docking bay.

“My… lady, requests you open, uh, this.” Pidge hands over the response token. It’s a palm holo projector.

At first, the confusion on Lotor’s brow worries her. (It’s not the right object, at all.) But he takes it all the same, thumb waving over the signal to turn the holo on.

An explosion of flowers happen digitally. A simulated bouquet unfurling with color and programmed free falling petals. It’s a bit overt. Pidge had gone all out.

“Whoa. What’s that?” Shiro asks.

Lotor’s expression doesn’t change at first, eyes scoping the colors quickly, meticulously.

Yellow is the most prominent. Surprise. Reds leaves for gratitude,  blue calla for trepidation, and orange glowdews, four of them, and a single purple snaptail.

It’s a mess of colors. (She’s a mess of responses.)

No white though.

Lotor stands, snapping the holo off and bowing low. The locks of his hair fall past his shoulder. “Right. Okay.” Pidge says, but turns to look at her confusedly. “We… we leave now.” Allura whispers. “Okay.” “What is happening?” Shiro asks again, standing from his crate and scratching his neck with his hand.

“Nothing!” Pidge answer, “Bye!” They leave them there, Lotor still bowing until they exit.

“Guys? Come on--!”

--

A Dalcycle goes by.

And really, it’s more worrisome than not.

At this point, they have yet to talk, and it’s actually been a bit of a problem. On one occasion, with a strategic meeting about Galran frontlines, they have to talk in 3rd person relating to each other, acting as if they weren’t simply standing side by side.

And, while it would be nice to say the Paladins didn’t notice, they certainly did.

After, Corran asks if the Prince had angered her. Shiro asks if they’re pulling a prank.

Pidge asks her why it’s still going on if she already rejected him.

The Prince himself has been nothing but respectful to the process. He avoids her gaze, and bows her head as she passes him in the lounge or on the bridge.

So after awhile, she wonders if perhaps, it had been a fluke all along.

And the he catches her.

Alone.

She had been headed back from the Olkarion epicenter, the sun dying into orange shafts and shadows, when she nearly walks into him on the Castle’s ramp. She means to apologize, but her lips snap shut.

He bows.

She thinks it’s just another awkward instance then, and means to walk past him, but his hand raises suddenly, and he’s standing straight now. Eyes almost orange in the light itself. “Accept my hand for a walk?” He asks.

And Allura suddenly realizes his voice has been sorely missed.

“Yes.”She places three fingers in his palm, and he leads her back toward the epicenter.

They are quiet for some time. Which is fine. It takes most of her focus to understand the texture of his palms, and the size of them in comparison to hers.

His nails nip at her skin as he releases her to stand quietly.

“Forgive me, Princess, for now I seem to be at an impasse.”“I… had the feeling… it might be so.” She acknowledged.

He smiles. It’s sharp, but his brows are drawn. He’s apologetic. “It’s at this point I would speak to your father.”“Yes.”

“And in Galran culture,” He begins tentatively, gaze flickering from her face to the sunset. “I would be expected to cut blood from my hand to show my acceptance of pain on your behalf.”“Oh, n-no, please, that's completely unnecessary.”

“And to you, most likely more an insult than flattery.” He chuckles. It’s low and heavy. It sneaks through his lips like a breeze. “So I find myself at a loss to continue in a fashion you would appreciate.”She steps toward him, enough that she has to look up. He is naturally tall. And she’s not sure if that is the Galra in him, or if he would be a tall Altean too. “But, I have appreciated it. Everything.”“Have you?”“I can’t be more appreciative. I haven’t… it’s been a long time since basking in any tradition of my people. Even if this particular process is more… intense than others.” She’s aware her face is burning. She blames it on the sun, creasing her eyes as she looks up to his face. “I know it must have taken you time and I… admire your attention to the details.”There’s a smile forming on his face, but he rids himself of it to say, “I only did so to portray my genuine affection.” Affection. The word is like swallowing anti-gravity firmware to hear. She feels like floating away, him saying it so plainly. “Affection.” She repeats. She has too, she can’t believe it. “Yes.”

Yes! Just like that he says it. “I would make it known that as political as all our actions inevitably are, Prince and Princess aside, I do not send tokens without affection in them.”Yes, she got that much but the choices of gifts he made. The music meant, well… it was more suited to an anniversary then a proposal, if that meant anything.“Just as… attraction came with yours?” It’s a question, but it’s said with a grin and Allura immediately regrets the orange glowdews. “I-I’m, I, I would, I am not… dishonest!” It’s all she can manage.

He laughs. She can almost feel the hum of it in her bones.

“And so here we are. At an impasse. I have no way to give you the final token.” He looks regretful and she’s thankful he seems to be sad to miss the opportunity to continue. “I suppose you need a blunt answer then. From me, since my father…”She trails and he steps forward this time, a hand gently cradling her elbow. “Yes. Unless you’d like me to bring you the head of a great beast, as Galrans do.”She shakes her head, smiling, thankful for his charm to lighten the mood. “No. I can… answer.”

His fingers tighten.

Her own hand rises, dips past her collar to release the chain lying secret under her suit. “I… am acknowledging your open admittance of interest in betrothal, with conclusion that I also, would be open to a planned enga--” The cristofori gleams pink in gold, specks of light fracturing off his shadow as his other hand pulls her close and he leans to kiss her.

Between heat and warmth, and the soft sound of his coat furling in wrinkles between her fisted palms, he whispers on her lips. “Forgive the impropriety, Princess, I am simply…. Overjoyed.”She gives him a shaky laugh. “You’re forgiven.”

He kisses her again.

[aphrodaisyacs]

Summary:

After the stunt they pulled at the party, Tony has taken to referring to Loki and Steve as “clone boyfriends”, a nickname which rapidly morphed into an inside joke amongst the Avengers. It’s all fun and games until it gets overheard by a clueless reporter- now the public believes that Steve and Loki are genuinely an item.

Chaos ensues.

Or: The one where Steve and Loki get mistaken for a couple, but they go along with it to make homophobes mad.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies) Relationships: Loki/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, James “Bucky” Barnes & Steve Rogers, implied past En Dwi Gast | Grandmaster/Loki Characters: Steve Rogers, Loki (Marvel), Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Clint Barton, Tony Stark, Thor (Marvel), Sam Wilson (Marvel), James “Bucky” Barnes, Wanda Maximoff, Vision (Marvel), Brunnhilde | Valkyrie (Marvel), Peter Parker Additional Tags: Crack, Humor, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Infinity War is still cancelled, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Homophobia, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Genderbending, News Media, Social Media, Attempted mass shooting, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Brief cameo by Tr*mp

(Reposting this on tumblr because I fucked up the first time round)

The sequel to this fic, and things make more sense if you read that one first.

Full chapter below:

It’s been months since Steve had last set foot in New Asgard. Already, the place looks so different- more like an actual town. It’s the one-year anniversary of the Asgardians’ arrival and settlement on Earth, and Thor had decided to celebrate their progress by throwing a festival. The Avengers were invited, though only about half of them took up on the offer- the rest remained in New York to hold the fort, so to speak. And due to the nature of the event, government officials from all over the world have also been invited.

Shortly after arriving, Steve and his friends split up to do their own thing; Tony had made a beeline towards the food stalls, Clint went off to try all the games and activities available, leaving Steve and Natasha to stroll aimlessly together in the bustle of the crowd, avoiding reporters as much as possible and stopping whenever something caught their eye.

Steve is sipping on a sample of Asgardian mead when he suddenly feels his phone vibrate. He fumbles for it, while feeling all too aware of Natasha’s curious gaze on him.

He raises his eyebrows when he sees that it’s a message from Loki.

Steve opens the single attached image and sure enough, it’s an extremely unflattering picture of himself mid-blink, cropped from what appears to be an interview directly following the Battle of New York.

Steve rolls his eyes.

Me [11:42am]

Seriously, where do you keep finding these? I swear you’re gonna run out someday.

A few seconds later, his phone chimes again.

Loki [11:42am]

I won’t :)

Steve shakes his head, but he can’t help the amusement tugging at the corners of his lips.

Me [11:43am]

Btw we’ve been here for a while now but I still haven’t seen you. Where are you?

Loki [11:43am]

I know

Don’t worry, you’ll see me soon :)

“Who are you texting? Your clone boyfriend?”

Steve sighs and looks up to meet Natasha’s deceptively innocent expression.

It’s all Tony’s fault- he was the one who started throwing that nickname around after the party. The teasing only intensified when Loki had somehow acquired Steve’s number and started messaging him with it. It had taken Steve an embarrassing length of time to realise that Tony was just being Tony, and he wasn’t actually accusing Steve of secretly dating Loki.

At first Natasha and Clint were extremely wary of their former enemy’s attempts to contact Steve, but they slowly withdrew their caution when it turned out that Loki’s messages mostly only consisted of unflattering still images of Steve and miscellaneous petty complaining.

“I’m so mad at myself right now,” Clint had said, a month after Loki first messaged Steve. “That guy mind-controlled me. And yet I’m finding it hard to stay pissed at him because he’s just so fucking hilarious. ”

Because Steve’s life is a cosmic joke, Natasha and Clint both picked up Tony’s stupid nickname, and one by one the other Avengers started using the stupid nickname too, the traitors. It even managed to spread all the way to Norway; Bruce and Thor found it hilarious. Loki, for his part, seems to find the nickname rather childish and beneath him. So like Steve, he mostly ignored it.

Despite Loki’s cryptic message, Steve doesn’t manage to see him anywhere for awhile yet. Instead, he and Natasha stumble across the archery competition, where they join the crowd to cheer for Clint until he wins. The three of them then wind up in a nalebinding workshop, and they all attempt to knit their own little patches of cloth. It isn’t as hard as Steve had expected, and he leaves the tent feeling pretty proud of the thumb-sized square he had made.

Around mid-afternoon, it becomes apparent that many of the festival attendees are congregating in the direction of the main stage. Out of curiosity and for a lack of anything better to do, they follow the crowd, and arrive just in time to see the curtains rise on a performance titled “Ragnarok”.

“Oh hey! There you guys are.”

Steve turns around to see Tony stride over with his hands in his pockets, followed unexpectedly by Brunnhilde, who waves at them.

“Hey,” grins Clint. “Where’s Bruce and Thor?”

Brunnhilde jerks her chin up at the stage.

“They’re going to be up there soon.”

Sure enough, a blonde man with a huge hammer strides into view, red cape billowing behind him. The people around them start cheering and whooping, but Tony adjusts his sunglasses and squints at the stage.

“He’s got the whole getup going, but surely that’s not our resident God of Thunder?”

Brunnhilde takes a swig from her bottle and lets out a bark of laughter.

“Oh, not him. He’s just an actor. Thor’s also in the play, just not as himself.”

“Who is he, then?” Steve asks.

She gives a lazy smile.

“Oh, you’ll see.”

Steve has to admit, the play is rather impressive for a stage production. Asgardian technology is truly a wonder, and miles ahead of anything they have on Earth when it comes to stage effects. He watches in awe as the old man on the stage, playing the previous King of Asgard, is replaced by Loki in a shower of light. But it barely takes two seconds for him to realise that the Loki on stage is also just an actor.

Just as Steve is beginning to wonder about the whereabouts of the real Loki, Thor and Loki’s secret evil sister suddenly appears in a burst of green light. Her entrance is marked by her completely shattering Thor’s hammer with one hand.

“Kneel before your queen!” she orders, sweeping her arm out and dispersing the remnants of the prop across the stage in a dramatic flourish.

Scattered gasps can be heard throughout the audience, but Steve finds his attention drawn to the woman on stage for different reasons- something about her just feels unexpectedly familiar…

“Hey is it just me or does she look exactly like Wanda, but with black hair?” Clint mutters.

Brunnhilde nearly chokes on her beer.

“That-” she coughs. “That’s Loki. In his female form.”

“What.”

Brunnhilde is laughing so hard at their shocked reactions that they get shushed by nearby members of the crowd. She was the only one amongst them who had any idea that Loki could even do that, though Steve supposes that it’s rather obvious in hindsight. He already knows from firsthand experience that Loki can shift into an exact copy of another person, so changing genders isn’t that much of a stretch.

Loki seems to be having a lot of fun playing the role of the villain, if the way he (she?) is hamming it up is any indication. They watch him dramatically banish Actor Thor and Loki to a new setting called Sakaar, then skewer all of the soldiers on the stage with blades pulled from seemingly nowhere.

When Sakaar’s ruler, the Grandmaster, is first introduced, the first thing he does is snatch off Actor Thor’s blonde wig and shove him into the gladiator arena. That is when Bruce enters the stage, covered head to toe in green body paint.

“I had to help him with that,” Brunnhilde comments absently.

Natasha whistles lowly. “That’s a lot of paint. How long did it take?”

“Oh, probably a minute. Took much longer to dry though.”

“Woah,” Tony says. “How?”

Brunnhilde shrugs.

“I pushed him into the tub of paint.”

Steve finds himself thoroughly enjoying the play, even some of the more absurd and over the top elements. At certain points he even finds himself wondering just how far the “based on a true story” label has been stretched, but considering the insanity of his own life, who’s he to judge?

He almost forgets that Thor is also supposed to be in the play, until the final act where Actor Thor and Loki decide to instigate Ragnarok in order to defeat their sister. It takes Steve a while to realise that underneath the makeup and costume, the fire demon gleefully destroying the cardboard recreation of Asgard is actually played by Thor. The play ends with a battle between Thor-as-Surtur and Loki-as-Hela, and Steve has never seen a group of people applaud the destruction of their own home so enthusiastically when the curtains finally close.

As the audience begins to disperse, Brunnhilde leads the Avengers to the backstage area. They arrive to find Bruce and Thor being interviewed by some reporters, but before they are forced to awkwardly stand around and wait until they get noticed and dragged into the interview as well, Loki shows up.

“Well, if it isn’t my favourite heroes,” he drawls. He’s already changed back into his normal appearance. “How did you like the performance?”

“I enjoyed it,” Steve admits with a smile. “Is that what your sister actually looked like?”

“Of course not,” Loki scoffs. “I don’t think any of the Asgardians are ready to see her likeness again so soon. That was just my preferred female form.”

“Did you look anything alike, then?”

“No. We’re not even related.” There’s a hint of mirth dancing in his green eyes. “I’m adopted, remember?”

Before Steve can reply, he’s interrupted by Thor.

“Friends! It’s been a while!” Thor grins. His enthusiasm to see them again is matched only by the volume of his voice.

“Aww man, you just interrupted the reunion between the clone boyfriends,” Tony jokingly whines. “It was getting sweet!”

Thor laughs.

“Sorry about that.” He turns around to where Bruce is still gathering his things. “Banner! We can finally show them the weapons demonstrations now.”

“I’m coming, I’m coming! I just need to wash all this off first,” Bruce calls back, gesturing at his still-green appearance.

“Sure, big guy,” Brunnhilde says, giving his arm a pat. “We’ll wait for you outside.”

They all shuffle out the exit, completely oblivious to the bewildered glances exchanged between the reporters and cameramen who had witnessed the entire exchange.

The next day, on the morning of their flight back to New York, Steve wakes up to a very ominous text from Sam.

Sam [1:13am]

Call me when you’re awake. Get the others too, if they’re up.

Natasha is the only other one awake in their lodge, nursing a fresh cup of coffee in the kitchen. Her expression tightens when Steve shows her Sam’s message.

They huddle around the kitchen table and he puts Sam on speaker.

Sam picks up after the first ring.

“What happened?” Steve says.

“Well good morning to you I guess. Who else am I talking to?”

“Just me,” replies Natasha. “Tony’s probably still in his room and Clint’s not getting up until he’s gone through all of his alarms. What’s the emergency?”

“Weeell…” Sam begins. “This isn’t exactly the type of emergency that we usually deal with. But long story short, some reporter overheard one of you guys refer to Steve and Loki as boyfriends, and. Well.”

Steve blinks. He runs through his memories of yesterday, and groans when he remembers what Tony said backstage after the play. Next to him, Natasha begins furiously typing away at her phone.

“Oh god,” Steve mutters. Sam makes a sympathetic noise.

Natasha exhales loudly.

Before Steve can ask, she shoves the results of her Google search at him:

‘Clone Boyfriends’: Captain America secretly dating former enemy Loki

CNN

Avengers accidentally reveal that Captain America and Loki are dating

Vox

National icon defiled? Captain America turns out to be gay

Fox News

Captain America has a boyfriend, according to Avengers

USA TODAY

Captain America revealed to be in gay relationship

New York Times

“Oh god, ” Steve repeats.

“Yup. I know you don’t go on your social media accounts that often but I think you should avoid them for a bit.”

Steves rubs a hand over his face. Maybe if he presses against his nose firmly enough then he’ll be able to suffocate himself to death and he won’t have to deal with any of this.

“How likely is it to go away if I just ignore it?” Steve asks, voice muffled by his palm.

He’s half-joking, but he immediately feels Natasha’s incredulous gaze on him. Sam’s snort of laughter can be heard on the other end of the line.

“You’re kidding me, right? Look, I’m not that familiar with the media circus but even I know that’s not going to work.”

Steve lets out a hysterical bark of laughter.

“Really? But people have always speculated on whether I was dating Peggy or Bucky. Or both. And if the tabloids are to be believed then every single one of the Avengers have dated each other at least once. What makes this any different?”

“The difference,” Natasha says, “is that they were just that- speculations. So no one took them too seriously. But this time, from the public’s point of view, there’s actual evidence- an inside source. Namely, Tony. And Thor too, I guess, for not disputing it.”

“But that doesn’t-” Steve begins to protest.

“I know,” Sam sighs. “But that’s not how the public sees it. And now all the news outlets are talking about it.”

Going rogue again is starting to sound unreasonably appealing. Steve’s done it before, so it can’t be as bad the second time round, right?

“Alright,” Natasha says. “We’ll call a meeting once we arrive back at the base.”

Steve sighs.

“Yeah, let’s do that.”

Tony chooses that moment to shuffle into the kitchen with a loud yawn.

“What’s this? You guys having a secret meeting while I was still in bed? Rude.”

“Have you checked the news yet?” Natasha asks instead.

“News always comes after coffee,” Tony declares while fiddling with the coffee machine. “Why? We don’t need to suit up or anything do we?”

“Nope,” Sam replies. “You can worry about it later when you come back. You need to leave soon for your flight anyway, right?”

“Uh…” Steve glances at the clock next to the fridge. “Yeah. Talk to you soon.”

The call ends, and Tony does indeed check the news after the first sip of his coffee.

Which he promptly sprays back into the mug.

Steve wrinkles his nose at the droplet which landed on his elbow.

“Ho- holy shit,” Tony chokes. “I can’t fucking believe this.”

He tries to say more, but he’s laughing so hard that nothing else comes out coherent.

Steve sighs and turns to Natasha. Predictably, she’s no help at all.

“As much fun as this is,” she says, eyes twinkling, “I have an ass to kick out of bed right now.”

She gets up and leaves, and Steve suspects that she probably meant what she said literally.

Since Tony is still bursting into fits of giggles every time he so much as glances in Steve’s direction, Steve is left to process his situation by himself.

He absently fiddles with his phone, and he finds himself opening up his message history with Loki. He knows that he has to say something to him- a heads up, at the very least. But after five minutes of typing and erasing the same thing, he simply settles for attaching a link to one of the articles that Natasha had pulled up earlier.

Out of morbid curiosity, Steve reads the articles- including the comments- while waiting at the airport. He finds it bizarre how most people seem more hung up over the idea of him being in a relationship with another man than the fact that it’s with Former Public Enemy Number 1. It’s disappointing, but not unexpected. But it could’ve been worse, he supposes; back in the 40s, even the slightest suspicion that Steve is also attracted to men would’ve meant dealing with a lot more than just having his non-existent love life aired to the world for other people’s entertainment.

The second, slightly more sensible but equally vocal group consists of the people who are still doubting the authenticity of Loki’s status as a reformed criminal. These are the people who are using the scandal as an opportunity to revive the debate on whether the punishment the Asgardian had gotten upon returning to Earth was anything more than a slap on the wrist. After all, could being confined to New Asgard even count as a punishment?

But there was also another surprising group to emerge out of this mess; feeling emboldened by the news that their hero is also part of the LGBT+ community, there has been a wave of people coming out on social media. It’s the only good thing to come out of this mess so far, and Steve genuinely feels bad when he thinks about how disappointed they’ll be when they find out that this was all just a misunderstanding.

It is only after they touch back down on New York that Steve finally receives Loki’s reply.

Loki [3:35am]

Oh my

I didn’t realise we were courting

Why didn’t you tell me?

Me [11:56am]

The reporters overheard Tony’s stupid nickname

And then they got stuck on the “boyfriend” part in “clone boyfriends”

Why

Loki [12:01pm]

The world begins to starve when you don’t feed it a regular dose of scandals

What are you going to do about it? Are you even going to do anything about it?

Me [12:02pm]

I have to. I don’t know what it’ll be yet but we’re holding a meeting with everyone once we get back to HQ.

Will you, Thor and Bruce be free in the next hour or so?

Loki [12:02pm]

You know we can always just go along with it ;)

I’ll ask Thor, but we should be.

Bucky welcomes Steve back with a light punch on the shoulder.

“Twenty four hours,” his best friend deadpans.

“Shut up,” Steve groans, swatting his arm away. “It’s not even my fault this time.”

“Is that a new record?” Sam asks with a grin.

“Nope. That one’s gotta be the time when I went to get ice-cream, then turned around to see him get shoved at a trash can. So maybe ten minutes.”

Steve feels heat rise in his cheeks.

“That never happened!” he tries to protest, but Sam’s howling laughter drowns out his words.

Inside, Wanda and Vision are already seated in the meeting room while Rhodey is setting up the holographic call to New Asgard.

“This has got to be the weirdest reason we’ve held a meeting, ever,” Rhodey mutters as they wait for the call to connect. When it finally does, the holographic forms of Thor, Bruce and Loki flicker into view.

“Before we start,” Steve says, addressing them directly, “has Loki told you guys why we’re having this meeting?”

“Oh, yeah,” Thor replies. “Can’t you just tell everyone the truth?”

Sam sighs.

“That’s definitely an option, but we also need to account for the fact that there are already people trying to get Steve to give up the shield.” At Thor’s miffed expression, he quickly adds, “Because they don’t like the idea of him dating a guy.”

If anything, Thor looks even more confused, and just the slightest bit indignant. Bucky snorts.

“Yeah, right. He’s more likely to repaint the shield rainbow.”

Bruce frowns.

“That bad? Already?”

“Yep- bad enough that even our good ol’ President’s commented on it, apparently,” Clint suddenly pipes up, finally looking up from his phone.

All at once, everyone else except Thor and Loki groans. Thor looks bewildered at their synchronised dismay, while Loki’s eyebrows lift in barely concealed amusement.

“And what did this President of yours say?” Loki asks, in a tone a tad too light to be genuine.

Tony looks up at the ceiling.

“FRIDAY?”

FRIDAY obediently pulls up the clip, and Steve almost groans again out of instinct the moment he sees the President’s face.

“The fake news media has gone too far this time. Now they’re slandering Captain America and making stuff up!”

There’s a brief pause as the audience in the footage erupts with agreement. Meanwhile, nearly everyone in the meeting is exchanging shocked looks.

“Am I hearing correctly or is he actually right for once?” Vision muses.

“I know a lot of gay people and I think it’s great, but I’m a traditionalist man. And Captain America is a true American man who’s done a lot for this great country. He stands for the traditional values of America, not the nonsense that the fake news media has been saying about him. They should be ashamed of themselves, for defiling our national icon like that.”

The clip ends there, and the room stays silent as everyone processes what they just heard.

Rhodey shakes his head.

“Yeah, nevermind.”

Steve finds it unsurprising that the President falls under the group of people who are stuck on the idea of Captain America dating another man. Though he’d honestly expected a little more outrage regarding it being Loki, a former enemy responsible for the dozens of deaths in New York. There’s nothing particularly unexpected about the President and his supporters having skewed priorities, but for some reason this is the reaction which sets off the truest, deepest part of him- the scrappy kid who tried to fight against the unfairness of the world even when all he had were his bare fists.

The anger swirling in Steve’s stomach is beginning to make him feel nauseous.

Across from him, Tony sighs heavily and runs a hand through his hair.

“I’m sorry. This is all kind of my fault. Look, let me lend you my PR team for this- they have experience dealing with me, so this should be a piece of cake for them.”

Steve furrows his brows.

“What would they need from me then?”

“Eh, nothing too complicated- I think they’ll just get you to make a public statement and apologise for the misunderstanding. Just y’know, explain that the whole clone boyfriends thing is just a joke amongst friends that got misunderstood by a third party, how you and Loki are definitely not dating, but you fully support the LGBT+ community.”

Steve bites his lip as he considers the option. It’s fairly reasonable, he supposes.

But it doesn’t feel enough.

“Is… there something else you can also say?” Wanda speaks up reluctantly. “Because at the moment it feels like we’re admitting that the President is right, and…” She trails off and bites her lip, looking visibly uncomfortable.

“Yeah it does, doesn’t it,” Rhodey sighs.

While everyone else begins murmuring suggestions, Steve is silently contemplating his situation. It’s just as Wanda said- it may sound petty, but the last thing Steve wants to do is admit that the President and his ilk are technically right, albeit for the wrong reasons. He’s seen the way the President and his Administration have abused their power, time and time again, taking away what little the LGBT+ community have gained. He’s seen that amidst all the hatred and scepticism at his mistaken relationship with Loki, there is a visible part of the community which is cautiously delighted at the news that someone they look up to is one of them.

Tony’s solution… it isn’t bad, but it feels too close to admitting defeat for Steve’s comfort. He wants to do something that will tell the President and his supporters to fuck off and stop using Captain America as an anti-gay symbol. Steve has never put much thought into his own sexuality, partly because he never thought he’d live past 30 and also because he knew how unattractive he was as a partner, being so sickly and small. But he knows how important it is to many people, especially those in the LGBT+ community. And he wants them to know, unambiguously, that he’s on their side.

Steve glances at Loki’s direction to see what he’s thinking, but the other man merely looks back at him with a curious gaze. Loki doesn’t seem emotionally invested enough in the situation to really contribute anything, and Steve gets the feeling that he’s waiting for Steve’s decision.

He sighs.

What else can he even do?

He absently spins his phone between his fingers, but then drops it in surprise when he accidentally unlocks it. It opens up to his latest messages with Loki.

Me [12:02pm]

I have to. I don’t know what it’ll be yet but we’re holding a meeting with everyone once we get back to HQ.

Will you, Thor and Bruce be free in the next hour or so?

Loki [12:02pm]

You know we can always just go along with it ;)

I’ll ask Thor, but we should be.

Steve blinks at his screen.

Huh.

“Hey, Loki?” he suddenly says, gaining the attention of everyone in the room. “Remember the plan you suggested before the meeting started? Do you still want to go through with it?”

Loki looks a bit startled at being addressed out of the blue, but he quickly recovers and tilts his head questioningly.

Thor narrows his eyes.

“What plan?”

Loki’s eyes finally light up with recognition. A mischievous smile snakes through his lips.

“Of course. I would be more than happy to.”

Tony looks back and forth between them suspiciously.

“No, I’m not liking the look of this. Seriously, what plan?”

“We’re going to go along with it,” Steve says, his resolve hardening with every word. “We’re going to pretend to date in public.”

Stunned silence descends upon the entire room.

“Please tell me you’re joking,” Bucky finally says.

“I’m not.”

“But-” Bruce looks like he’s at a loss for words. “Why?”

“Because I can’t let people like him, ” Steve jabs a finger at the air where the President’s face was mere moments ago. “Use Captain America as a symbol against a community that’s already been ostracised over and over again for no good reason.”

“And you can’t do that with a public statement?” Natasha asks with an unreadable expression.

Steve shakes his head.

“It won’t be enough. Not for people like him.”

“Steve, no, look-” Bucky looks physically pained. “I know how you get when the President’s involved. We’re postponing this meeting to tomorrow because you’re not thinking straight right now.”

“That’s what she said,” Clint mutters, then winces when Natasha kicks him under the table.

Steve clenches his jaw stubbornly.

“I know exactly what I’m doing.”

“Alright, fine,” Sam says. “Say that you do go through with this plan. What exactly are you hoping to get out of it?”

Loki gives Steve a very unsubtle once-over.

“I think that’s quite obvious,” Loki smiles, prompting an appalled look from his brother.

While Steve isn’t in the mood for the usual light hearted teasing, he can’t help but roll his eyes in response.

“If I pretend to date Loki,” he says to everyone else, “then things will continue the way they are- people will no longer get to use Captain America to further their homophobic rhetoric. This may or may not make things better for the LGBT+ community, but it will definitely send a stronger message than a public statement telling the truth.”

“And you don’t care about the damage that it will do to your public image,” Natasha says, making it more of a statement than a question.

“This isn’t just about my reputation- Captain America’s reputation- anymore. I just-” Steve sighs. “I’ve been looking at some of the reactions to the news. At first I was angry at how the misinformation got viral, but then I saw how it led to so many people coming out- they felt like they were able to because their hero did. And I can’t just take that away from them.”

There’s a brief moment of thoughtful silence, until Tony speaks up.

“I know this is slightly off-topic, but it’s kind of important- are you gay, Steve?”

“Tony,” Rhodey says sharply, but Tony quickly holds his hands up in surrender.

“It is important. Because I think that before you go and pretend to be in a gay relationship- such a public one, no less- you should at least have an idea of whether you’re gay or not.”

Steve bites lip and turns his gaze down to the table in front of him.

“I don’t know,” he admits. Now that he thinks about it, he remembers quite a few instances where he’d found his gaze lingering on some men a little too long to be considered polite. But he also knows that what he felt for Peggy was real; he knows that if he had made it home when the war ended, he would’ve felt like the luckiest man alive to marry her, settle down and raise a family with her.

Steve isn’t sure what this means, but it doesn’t matter.

“Loki and I are friends anyway,” he continues, and boy does it feel strange to hear those words out loud, even after all these months. “So I don’t think it’s going to matter. We’re just going to go with it for now, but once people stop paying attention to the relationship we can quietly break up.”

The Avengers reluctantly agree to the plan, and the meeting ends shortly after that. Steve can’t quite believe that he’s going to be faking a relationship with Loki, of all people. But he supposes it’s fitting that if he’s going to fool the whole world, then he’s doing it with the help of the God of Mischief himself.

Belatedly, it hits Steve what it really means, for him to pretend that he and Loki are together. In a relationship.

He has no idea what he’s doing.

The only experience he has under his belt are all the double dates that Bucky had dragged him into, and the almost-not-really thing that he had with Peggy. And look at how well those have turned out.

His inner crisis gets interrupted by a knock on his door.

“Hey.”

Steve looks up from his book he’s long been distracted from to see Natasha leaning against his doorway.

“Hey yourself.” Despite how drained he feels, he can’t help but smile at her presence.

Natasha takes that as the invitation it is to sit next to him on the bed.

Steve sighs and puts his book away.

“You’re not trying to talk me out of it, are you?”

Natasha lets out a disbelieving huff.

“Give me a little more credit. You know I know you better than that. I’m here to tell you a few things before you actually do anything.”

She looks at him, and Steve has to pause at the intensity of her expression.

“You need to remember that this isn’t a mission. No one’s lives are at stake, so you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, even as part of the charade.”

Steve frowns.

“Nat, I don’t think Loki-”

“This isn’t about Loki,” she interrupts. “This is about you and what you’re comfortable with. I’m just saying- all couples are different. Take Wanda and Vision, for example; those two only go as far as hand-holding in public. So if you don’t feel comfortable with certain types of PDA then you need to remember that you don’t have to do it.”

“I…” Steve begins, then swallows. Her concern makes something warm blossom in his chest. “Thanks.”

The corners of Natasha’s lips twitch upwards.

“I just hope for your sake that he’s a better kisser than you are.”

“Hey!”

Me [4:11pm]

Since people think we’re dating, they’re gonna ask how we got together

What’s our cover story?

Loki [4:17pm]

The best lies are the ones closest to the truth

We can just tell them that we began our correspondence after one of the Avengers’ gatherings

Me [4:19pm]

Yeah that works

Can I also expand upon that and say that it’s a long-distance relationship (which is why we haven’t been seen together in public yet)?

Loki [4:19pm]

Of course, Captain

Me [4:20pm]

I’m pretty it’ll make more sense to call me Steve at this point

Loki [4:20pm]

As you wish, darling :)

For their plan to work at all, they need to, at the very least, be seen together in public.

Tony reluctantly asks Pepper to extend Loki a last-minute official invitation to the upcoming Maria Stark Foundation Charity Ball. Bruce too, since Loki isn’t legally allowed to leave New Asgard without being accompanied by an Avenger, and Thor is too busy to take a break again so soon. The charity ball is familiar territory for Steve (and Loki too, given his royal background), so it’ll be a good start for them to debut as a couple.

Steve is still on social media blackout, but in the days leading up the ball, Sam has helpfully informed him that the hashtag #LetCaptainAmericaBeGay has been trending on Twitter for three days already. When Steve brings this up to Loki in their messages, he simply receives a “Guess what else is trending” and a link to the #Stoki posts on Tumblr in return. It’s… eye-opening, he supposes, in the same way that watching a car pile up happen in real time is.

(He will never admit that he’s lost an hour of his life scrolling through that page)

It’s kind of strange how nothing really changes between them. But then again, it’s not as if Steve’s unexpected friendship with Loki isn’t strange to begin with. The other Avengers still don’t know what to make of it (with the unsurprising exceptions of Thor and Bruce), as is usually the case when it comes to anything Loki-related these days.

The day of the ball finally arrives, exactly one week after The Scandal. Steve has to admit, Loki looks good, in his dark and expensive-looking three-piece suit. Loki too, takes the time to pause and admire Steve’s appearance when he sees him.

“Hello, darling,” Loki half-sings in a mocking yet deadpan manner. “Did you miss me?”

This gets a genuine huff of laughter from Steve. It’s quite obvious that Loki is just messing around, but they’re already attracting the attention of nearby strangers who are trying and failing to pretend that they aren’t eavesdropping.

“Of course, love,” Steve replies in a matching tone. He doesn’t even manage to keep a straight face while saying that, but he can feel the shocked gazes swivelling in their direction.

God, this is already simultaneously way more fun  and nerve-wracking than he had expected it to be.

The first part of the night isn’t so bad, but that’s mainly because they are seated at a table with the other Avengers and Pepper. Steve manages to distract himself from the stares by paying more attention to the conversations with his friends and the plate of food in front of him.

But in between the deliveries of each part of the meal, people are getting out of their seats and socialising, so unfortunately that’s what they have to do as well. Steve and Loki stick together throughout most of it, only occasionally breaking off to talk to their own friends.

The Avengers may not trust Loki, but the general public trusts him even less. For almost every starstruck look that Steve receives, Loki gets a wary glance at best and a distrustful glare at worst. The polite ones make an effort to congratulate them on their “relationship”, but when they actually launch into small talk with Steve, they completely ignore Loki as if he isn’t there. Loki doesn’t appear phased by the not-so-subtle unfriendliness, but it still rubs Steve the wrong way. And the worst thing is, Steve knows that they’re probably not even doing it on purpose. After all, the same thing constantly happened to him whenever he was with Bucky, back before the serum.

Steve understands where they’re coming from, he really does- and he really isn’t expecting everyone to to simply drop their grudges and welcome Loki with open arms- but it keeps happening, again and again.

Steve thinks he’s doing a decent job of hiding his thinning patience, but unsurprisingly, it doesn’t escape Loki’s notice.

“You can at least afford to pretend you’re enjoying my company,” Loki jokes when they’re back in their own seats, dessert in front of them.

Steve blinks.

“Oh no, sorry, it’s just-” He makes a vague gesture in the direction of everyone else. “They keep ignoring you. Or acting like you’re just going to attack them when their backs are turned. Which is really rude and unfair to you.” He pauses. “It sounds kind of stupid when I say it out loud, doesn’t it.”

Loki’s bright green eyes glimmer with an unreadable emotion.

“I suppose it does,” he murmurs, almost distractedly, while stabbing his fork into a slice of lemon tart.

Steve manages to keep his cool, even when a particularly pushy reporter corners him for an interview once dessert is finished. She ignores Loki (yet again), but this time he chooses to exit with the excuse of refilling their glasses. Steve is left to indulge her questions, which seem reasonable enough at first.

“So,” she says, after the polite warm-up questions. “You are dating Loki?”

Steve’s polite smile tightens.

“Yes.” Despite the number of times he’s said it already tonight, the lie still feels foreign on his tongue.

“I- How-” She lets out a nervous peal of laughter. “How did that even happen? I mean, I don’t have anything against gay people or anything, but… surely it doesn’t make sense for Captain America of all people to be gay?”

Steve feels a small frown slip into his expression.

“…What do you mean?”

“It’s just that you like women- everyone who knows their history knows how important Margaret Carter was to you. And you came from a time where that kind of thing was frowned upon, and you wouldn’t be able to join the army if you were gay. And yet you’re probably the best soldier in all of American history.”

“I…” Why do they always like bringing up Peggy whenever they want to stick their nose into his love-life? “You flatter me. And just because it was frowned upon doesn’t mean that gay people didn’t exist.”

“But you’re not actually one of them, are you? Because so many children look up to you and it would be such a shame if their hero turned out to be someone with a lifestyle that isn’t so family-friendly.”

What.

The night has been wearing at him, and there are about ten different ways Steve wants to respond to her nonsense, but he was raised better than that.

He is left with no choice but to silently seethe, but Loki chooses that moment to return with two full glasses.

Loki raises an eyebrow at the visibly tense atmosphere as he hands one of them to Steve.

“Is everything alright?”

Steve purses his lips as he takes the glass. He gives a quick glance to the reporter, who is wearing a pinched expression at Loki’s interruption. Or maybe his presence. Whatever.

Steve turns his gaze back to Loki. An idea forms in his mind.

“Yes. Of course. Thank you.” He mentally apologises as he looks into those green eyes, which gaze back at him curiously.

Then he hooks an arm around Loki’s neck and tugs him down for a kiss.

He remembers to tilt his head at the last moment, but that doesn’t stop their lips from colliding messily. Their teeth clash and Steve accidentally bites onto Loki’s lower lip, inciting a small, surprised noise.

The kiss is too rushed, too unprepared, and it only lasts just long enough for everyone to register what’s happening.

Then Steve pulls away, heart pounding in his ears as he takes in Loki’s stunned expression.

He turns back to the gaping reporter.

“Sorry to cut this short, but I have to go now. Duty calls.”

He grabs Loki by the wrist and they make a hasty exit. Surprisingly no one follows them, but it does nothing to lessen the thundering of Steve’s heart. He can’t even bring himself to look Loki in the eye again until they reach a secluded area just outside the venue.

“I’m so sorry,” is the first thing Steve says. He winces and runs a hand through his hair nervously. “I shouldn’t have done that without asking you.”

But Loki only laughs.

“Oh no, don’t worry about it. How could I object to being kissed by a man as fine as you?”

Steve feels his cheeks heat up, but he refuses to let the teasing distract him.

“I’m serious. I should’ve at least asked you. It’s been a long night and I got angry at what she said, but that doesn’t excuse what I did. I’m sorry.”

Loki tilts his head consideringly.

“As I’ve said, don’t worry about it. It’s something that I’m far from opposed to,” he smirks. “And besides, the reactions you garnered were possibly the best form of entertainment I’ve had in the past week. It was amusing to see how closely humans are capable of resembling fish.”

Now that his anger-turned-mortification has worn off, Steve supposes that the gaping fish look the reporter had was actually pretty funny. He’s even starting to look forward to reading whatever article she’ll write after this.

The moment is broken when Sam finds them.

“There you are! I didn’t see what you did but suddenly there were rumours everywhere and then you guys had run off.”

Steve and Loki exchange amused looks.

“What kind of rumours?” Loki asks innocently. Sam takes one look at him and just shakes his head, refusing to even dignify that with an answer.

“Come back inside,” Sam says instead. “The speeches have started already but you should be able to sneak back in. After the last speech they’re opening up the dancefloor, and, well, I’m pretty sure I’m not exaggerating when I’m saying that everyone’s expecting the two of you to dance together.”

The words sink in, and Steve feels an oncoming wave of uncertainty.

Dancing brings up many memories for him, particularly those from before the ice- memories of his missed chance with Peggy, memories of the double dates with Bucky. The last time he had even danced, he kept stepping on his poor date’s feet. But with the serum now, his balance and coordination have most likely improved. It still doesn’t make the idea of dancing any more appealing though.

“I’m afraid that’s not possible,” Loki says, sending a pondering glance in Steve’s direction. “Our previous kiss has ignited our carnal desires, and we are currently having a passionate tryst behind the bushes. We are too preoccupied to return inside.”

He says all of this with a completely straight face. Sam’s eyebrows have long disappeared into his hairline, and Steve can’t help it- he bursts into laughter, laughing so hard that he doubles over. By the time he manages to straighten himself, he sneaks a quick glance at Loki. Even after all that, the only crack in the other man’s serious facade is the twinkling laughter in his bright green eyes.

Steve can’t help but smile as well.

He feels better after laughing- much calmer than he was before, at least. He’ll listen to the remainder of the speeches, and when the time comes for dancing, then… well, he’s been told that dancing is much more different now, less coordinated and partner-focused than he’s used to. He can probably get by with sheer instinct and going with the flow.

“No, it’s okay,” Steve finally tells Sam. “I’ll do it.”

“Are you sure?” Sam asks, still looking sceptical.

“Yeah.” Steve falters, then looks at Loki. “Unless you don’t…?”

“No, I’m fine,” Loki replies. Then he raises an inquisitive eyebrow. “Were you nervous about dancing?”

Steve sighs. Was he really that obvious?

Loki lets out a huff of laughter, but it doesn’t sound mocking at all.

“Don’t worry, Steve. Just follow my lead and we’ll be fine.”

“And if I step on your toes?” Steve half-teases.

Loki gives him a mock-offended look.

“You won’t.”

Sam looks between them with a thoughtful frown, but he shakes his head.

“Alright then, let’s go back inside.”

[Video: Hand-held recording of Steve and Loki dancing together in a semi-crowded dance floor. They are both smiling and laughing]

Liked by tonystark and 329,200 others

brucebanner Honored to be attending the #MSFCharityBall2018

Show all comments…

perrygp

I don’t think people realize how important this video is. It’s just Captain America dancing and having fun with his boyfriend, but I can’t tell you how much this would’ve meant to me in my teen years, when everyone treated gayness as something weird to be laughed at. And the people who are objecting to said boyfriend being Loki are missing the point.

usernametakenmyass

We’re living in the weirdest timeline

peterparker2001

hOLY SHIT theyre actually dating??? It wasn’t jsut celebrity gossip?? WHAT

bluecarpa3

what…? why? i liked captain america better when he was straight :/

veloucity

Did captain america already forget that this guy killed hundreds of people in new york or

r0ss_r1

I remember writing an essay for history in high school arguing that Captain America isn’t straight, and my teacher said it was well-written but she failed it because it was “factually incorrect”. And now it turns out I was right all along. SUCK ON THAT, MRS CHAPWELL.

female_presentingnips

I can’t believe I’m saying this but they actually look kinda cute together? Wtf?

2deraa

I was holding out on hope that the rumors weren’t true but I guess I’m not a Captain America fan anymore

tarax0x

I hate the internet. Their dancing, which somehow means they must be gay. They used to be enemies but now their just friends! Homosexuality is lustful, sexual attractions, while friendship is something so much more pure.

“Wait wait wait I thought the clone boyfriend thing was just a nickname I didn’t know you were actually dating.”

Steve and Bucky freeze in the middle of their sparring session. Bucky makes a face at the interruption while Steve blinks at Peter, who looks back with wide eyes.

“Uh, no, we’re not, actually.”

“Oh. Okay.” Peter looks slightly relieved, though no less confused. “Good- I was right then. See, I honestly thought that you guys weren’t telling me something about that party like it was one of those ‘what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas’ type of things, which I missed because it was on the same day as Ned’s birthday-”

“No, Loki and I are not dating,” Steve interrupts before Peter can hyperventilate. “But we are pretending to.”

“Uh.” Peter looks like he has no idea how to react. “Sorry, what? ”

And so Steve and Bucky give the poor kid a crash course on The Scandal and what led up to it, as well as Steve’s genius plan (as quoted by Bucky with a generous helping of sarcasm). By the end of it, Peter hums thoughtfully.

“I mean yeah,” Peter finally says. “I think your plan’s working, anyhow. If you look at that video post of you dancing on Dr Banner’s instagram, the comments are a complete mess. And I’m pretty sure there’s already about a hundred articles written about it.”

Steve is still on social media blackout and Bucky only ever uses the internet for Skype, Spotify, animal videos, cooking tutorials and online shopping, so this is news to both of them.

“What post?”

And so that’s how Steve ends up spending the next ten minutes scrolling through a landmine of Instagram comments on Peter’s phone with Bucky reading over his shoulder.

“This is why I don’t do social media,” Bucky mutters, and Steve has to agree. Truth be told, a petty part of Steve is revelling in the homophobic anger of some of the comments. But there are also certain comments- especially the ones thanking him for being inspiring- which remind him of why he’s doing this fake relationship thing with Loki in the first place.

“Has Loki left already?” Peter suddenly asks.

“No,” Steve answers. “He and Bruce are still here, but they’re leaving tomorrow morning.”

“Ohhhh,” Peter says, nodding slowly. “Is it because you’re planning to go on a fake date soon or something?”

“Uh, no, they just wanted some room to breathe before going back to Norway.”

“But you totally should! You and Loki are trending right now, so if you go out say, tonight, then you’ll be getting a lot of attention. It’ll help your plan!”

Steve flips the idea over in his head, which isn’t too bad, actually.

He glances at the clock in the room. 2:35pm. A bit too late for lunch.

“I guess I can ask him out for dinner,” he muses out loud.

Me [2:35pm]

Do you have anything planned tonight?

If not, we can go out on a fake date for the public

Peter says we’re trending on social media right now, so maybe we should take advantage of it

Loki [2:37pm]

Not particularly

And of course, darling :)

Shall it be dinner at 7 then?

Me [2:37pm]

Sounds like a plan

With Bucky and Peter’s help, Steve attempts to pick out the most decent restaurant possible for such a last-minute booking on a Saturday. In the end, with Loki’s approval, they settle on a fairly classy seafood place with pretty good reviews.

That would’ve been the end of it, if it weren’t for the nagging feeling at the back of Steve’s mind that something is missing.

“Should I get flowers…?” he mutters out loud. At Bucky’s raised eyebrows, he quickly adds, “Because it’s the proper thing to do on dates- even fake ones, isn’t it?”

“Well I guess, yeah,” Bucky reluctantly agrees. “Figures you’d wanna go all-out on even your fake relationships, huh.”

Steve shrugs.

“Gotta do things properly, or they’re not worth doing at all.”

Peter perks up.

“Are you getting flowers, then? Because I know a place.”

Around a month ago, a rowdy group of primary school kids had run past a florist, knocking over several displays and then continuing their sprint out of fear when the poor owner had yelled out after them. Spider-Man, who had witnessed all of this, stopped to help clean up the mess, and from that moment on the florist adored the young superhero so much that she made a habit of giving him something for free every time he swung by.

After the three of them stepped through the cramped entrance, the florist had readily extended her friendliness to Steve when Spider-Man introduced him as the “friend who needs help”. She didn’t even seem to mind Bucky standing silently off to the side and staring intently at the rows of bright flowers. She wasn’t a particularly nosy, woman, but she did give Steve a knowing look when he admitted that the flowers are for a first date.

Steve stares at the mixed bouquet sitting on his coffee table while he lets Bucky adjust his tie for him. He’s wearing his second suit, which is practically identical to the one he wore yesterday except it’s charcoal grey rather than navy. He remembers how at first he had thought Tony was being excessive when the billionaire had insisted that it was important to own at least two suits. But now, five years later, Steve is grateful that he had begrudgingly listened.

He feels Bucky pat down the non-existent wrinkles on his shoulder pads, and he closes his eyes against the familiarity of the gesture, trying not to let it dredge up memories from a previous lifetime.

Bucky suddenly pauses.

“Have I done this before?”

Steve lets out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.

“Yeah.” Seeing Bucky’s slight frown, he tentatively adds, “Are you remembering something?”

Bucky doesn’t answer for a few moments, but then he finally says, “I set you up on a date with Mildred’s friend. Patricia.”

“Yeah,” Steve repeats, slowly. “And within an hour she left me and they both became your dates.”

Bucky’s frown deepens. “She didn’t deserve you, Steve.”

Steve smiles. He feels something sad and warm twist in his chest.

“You said the exact same thing too, that night when we came home.”

“Oh.” Bucky goes over to the flowers on the coffee table, and gently picks them up. He stares at them in silence for a few moments, before he says, “I don’t know if Loki deserves you either.”

“Buck, you know we’re not actually-” Steve begins, but Bucky silences him with a disgruntled glare.

“Just don’t do anything more stupid than usual,” his best friend says, shoving the bouquet at Steve. “And no, that wasn’t a challenge.”

“Hey!”

Bucky rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling too.

“Good luck, Steve.”

Steve is bolstered by the not-pep talk from his best friend, up until he finds out from FRIDAY that Loki is currently with Wanda and Vision in Wanda’s room. His steps become more uncertain after that, but they slow to a complete stop when he reaches Wanda’s door frame. He isn’t sure what he expected to find, but it isn’t this- Loki and Vision are sitting cross-legged on the floor with a chessboard between them, while Wanda’s nestled on her beanbag, practising guitar behind them. It’s an unexpectedly peaceful scene; they look like they’re simply enjoying each other’s company.

Steve supposes it makes sense. After all, out of all the Avengers, Wanda and Vision are the ones who have the least amount of reason to hold a personal grudge against Loki. For some reason he cannot explain, Steve finds himself happy at the thought of Loki befriending more of the Avengers in his own time.

“I wasn’t aware that there’s an invisible barrier preventing you from entering,” Loki muses without looking up. Wanda laughs, pausing in her playing.

“Well it’s certainly not my fault if there is,” she says. “You can come in, you know.”

Steve awkwardly adjusts his hold on the bouquet, keeping it out of sight. The movement catches Vision’s attention.

“What are you hiding?” he asks with a curious tilt of his head.

“Uh, nothing, no, I’m fine thanks. Just-” Steve internally cringes. Why is he so bad at this? “Loki. I’ll meet you outside whenever you’re ready.”

He looks at Loki, who is actually rather well-dressed for someone who’s been lounging around indoors all day. In fact now that he thinks about it, Steve doesn’t think he’s ever seen the other man dressed in anything other than Asgardian armour and expensive-looking suits.

Loki looks back at him with slightly furrowed brows, then sighs down at the board.

“Wanda? Could you please win on my behalf?”

“Yeah, I guess,” she says as she puts her guitar down. “I’ll see you sometime.”

“Yeah,” Vision agrees. “We’re finishing this next time.”

Loki gives them both a lazy wave in response as he follows Steve out.

“You do realise we’re going to be ridiculously early if we leave-” Loki begins, but he suddenly cuts himself off.

Steve nervously follows the wide-eyed gaze to the flowers he’s holding. He clears his throat.

“Um, yeah. I know that we’re only pretending to date but I figured that I should still do it properly. And I don’t know about Asgardian culture, but on Earth, giving your date flowers is something we do. I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I ended up getting you a bit of everything. So, um, here.”

He holds out the mixed bouquet, which Loki accepts seemingly on auto-pilot. Loki is still speechless, and Steve watches anxiously as the other man stares at the flowers in his hands as if he isn’t quite sure whether they’re real or not. When Loki finally looks back up at him, Steve feels his breath catch at the intensity in his eyes- sea green, swirling with a mix of emotions.

But the spell is broken by the smile that graces Loki’s lips, which feels less genuine.

“Thank you, darling. You sure know the way to one’s heart.”

Steve isn’t sure what to make of Loki’s odd reaction, but he figures it can’t be too bad, if the way the other man carefully handles the bouquet back to his guest room is any indication.

Steve does his best to pretend that he doesn’t notice stares and whispers directed at their corner of the restaurant. Loki’s doing a much better job at ignoring them; he’s currently gazing intently out of the giant glass windows, though he looks more curious than impressed at the night view of the city outside.

“You liking the view?” Steve asks for the lack of anything better to say.

Loki lightly scoffs.

“Let’s just say it’s… different to the cities of other planets. But I’ve also noticed how practically every city on Earth is identical.” He absently swirls the water in his glass. “Funny, considering how much you insist that you’re different from each other.”

Steve wrinkles his nose.

“It’s actually a bit more complicated than that. How much of Earth’s history do you know?”

“Not as much as I’d like to, unfortunately. Before New Asgard, I’d only taught myself as much as I needed to know depending on whatever business I had at the time.”

Steve looks at Loki curiously.

“Oh? And what did your business with Earth usually involve?”

“Nothing in particular,” Loki says. “I merely used it as a place, amongst several other realms, for retreat on occasions where I felt the need to have some space to myself. And before you ask- no, I did not use the Bifrost. It’s fast, but hardly a discreet method of travel.”

Steve hums.

“I guess that explains how you’ve picked up on our technology here a lot quicker than Thor did.”

Loki rolls his eyes.

“Thor is a stubborn fool who likes sticking with his own way of doing things,” he scoffs, but there’s a hint of fondness to it. “In all honesty, I hadn’t actually come down here in over a hundred years, at least until several years ago. And I’m sure you don’t me to tell you that a lot has changed since then.”

Steve stares at Loki in surprise.

“Oh. Wow. Sometimes I feel like there’s still a lot of things I haven’t figured out yet about my phone, but you seem to know what you’re doing. It’s like you grew up with it.”

“Why, thank you,” Loki smiles. “Though to be fair, I do have an unfair advantage- for one, I’ve already familiarised myself with the technologies from a range of different realms. And for another, well…” He trails off, watching Steve carefully. “Let’s just say that I had the help of two humans well-versed in the area.”

Steve matches his gaze evenly. He’d seen this coming, and it’s honestly a surprise that they haven’t touched upon this topic already.

“Have you spoken to either Clint or Dr Selvig since you came back?”

“No,” Loki answers simply. “I haven’t seen any of Thor’s scientist friends, and considering that he’s broken up with Jane, I think it’s unlikely that I will. And as for Clint, well…” The smile that stretches across his face is entirely artificial. “We’ve been content to avoid each other.”

Steve sighs. He’d expected as much.

Their waiter chooses that moment to take their orders, something which reminds them that they’ve barely even glanced at the menu since they sat down.

Steve internally winces at the prices, but when he looks up at Loki, he sees the other man frowning as well.

“This can’t possibly be edible,” Loki says, gesturing at his copy of the menu. Steve looks at where he’s pointing, then feels a surge of amusement.

“Crab? It’s a staple of most seafood restaurants. You haven’t had it before?”

“I was expecting fish. This is a giant spider.”

“It’s not,” Steve laughs. “It’s good, I promise. Want to try it?”

Fifteen minutes later Steve is struggling to keep a straight face as he watches Loki attempting to get to the meat under the shell with nothing but his cutlery and the crab cracker.

“You know you can use your hands right?” Steve says mildly, hiding his smile behind his fist.

“I can do this,” Loki replies through gritted teeth. Unsurprisingly, he does manage it, after much manoeuvring. He eyes Steve smugly when the latter cleans his hands with the provided wet wipes, prompting Steve to roll his eyes in response.

They pretend not to notice the paparazzi trailing after them when they leave the restaurant. But halfway down the busy streets, Loki catches Steve’s eye with a mischievous smirk before slipping his hand into Steve’s.

Steve does his best not to tense up in surprise. It doesn’t help that Loki’s hand is cold, though it isn’t particularly surprising, considering how cool the night is. Steve gives Loki’s hand a gentle squeeze, hoping the transfer some of his own warmth. He feels some of the warmth travel to his chest as he watches Loki’s smirk soften in response.

A block away from where Steve had parked the car, they are suddenly interrupted by a sharp bang.

Loki hisses and clutches at his upper arm, and Steve immediately springs into action. For a split second he reaches for his shield, and he internally curses when he realises of course he doesn’t have it. He faintly registers light travelling up Loki’s body in his peripheral vision as he quickly dives and knocks several bystanders out of the way, just in time for more shots to be fired in their direction.

Steve braces for the impact of the bullets, but he watches with bated breath as they smack harmlessly against a force field which shimmers into view.

He looks up.

Loki’s black suit has been completely replaced by his Asgardian armour sans his horned headgear. His green cape billows behind him, and for a brief moment, Steve is struck by how heroic he looks.

But Steve can thank Loki for saving his life later- right now, he has a shooter to take down.

The crowd is beginning to truly panic, and Steve does his best to direct as many people to the direction of Loki’s giant force field as possible while he scans the direction the bullets had come from. It doesn’t take long for him to spot the pale, gangly young man clutching at a rifle. The shooter appears to be hesitating at Loki’s appearance, and Steve takes the opportunity to slip into the terrified crowd, unnoticed. Steve keeps an eye on the shooter the whole time, so he immediately notices when the the young man makes the frenzied split-second decision to fire several more shots in Loki’s direction.

Steve feels his heart drop and his ears are drowned out by the screams of the people around him. He doesn’t manage to see if any of the bullets had hit anyone or not, but he grits his teeth and continues making his way towards the shooter.

He has to trust Loki to take care of it.

Steve catches the shooter completely off-guard when he comes in out of seemingly-nowhere and knocks the rifle out of the young man’s hands, kicking him back and grabbing the weapon from him in one fell swoop. Once the guy realises that he’s been stopped by Captain America himself, he goes down without a fight. But just as a precaution, Loki strides over and freezes the man’s hands together in makeshift handcuffs with some ice spell.

Steve watches in fascination as the cold blue light spreads from Loki’s fingers, forming the ice seemingly from thin air. He isn’t sure if it’s a trick of light, but for a split second he swears that the skin of Loki’s hands turned blue.

Now that they’re waiting for the police to arrive, Steve turns to Loki.

“Let me see your arm.”

Loki crosses them both over his chest defensively.

“It barely grazed me. I’ll be fine. My armour and magic deflected the rest of it.” He pauses, then narrows his eyes at Steve. “What about you? You charged at him while you were unarmed. What were you thinking?”

Steve is taken aback at the sheer anger and worry in the other man’s tone. It even reminds him a little bit of Bucky, and he can’t help but laugh.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I know how to fight without my shield.”

Loki huffs in annoyance but doesn’t pursue any further, because the police arrive. The shooter gets arrested and Steve does most of the talking to the officers. It doesn’t escape his notice that while they seem in awe at his presence, they keep eyeing Loki warily. It reminds Steve a little too much of the charity ball, which already feels like a distant memory, with everything that’s happened.

By the time Steve and Loki are free to go, the area has been taped off and a huge crowd has gathered on the outskirts of the crime scene.

Steve sighs. Now that the adrenaline has faded, he just wants to go back to the compound. This wasn’t how he had wanted his fake date night to end, but he doesn’t feel up for doing anything else.

He suddenly feels a light tug on his wrist.

Steve looks questioningly up at Loki, but the other man has his eyes on the crowd. Steve follows his gaze.

There’s excitement and curiosity buzzing around the gathered people, and there’s even a noticeable number of them holding out their phones in Steve and Loki’s direction.

Steve feels Loki lean in conspiratorially.

“They’re all watching us now. Shall we do something with their attention?”

Loki’s whisper makes the skin on Steve’s neck tingle. He barely manages to suppress the involuntary shudder.

He swallows.

“Yeah,” Steve whispers back.

The corners of Loki’s lips quirk upwards as he gives one final glance in the direction of the crowd.

“How about a kiss then? One for the cameras?”

Steve licks his lips nervously, but he nods determinedly.

This time their lips meet slower. Carefully, but not hesitantly. Loki’s hand gently cups Steve’s jaw, while his other arm is looped around Steve’s waist, pressing their bodies close together. Steve leans into the touch and his arms around Loki’s neck tighten, deepening the kiss. Steve faintly registers a surge of noise in the background. But then he feels Loki sigh softly against his lips, and the little remains of concentration left vanish completely.

Then Loki pulls back, and Steve feels an unexpected wave of disappointment, though they are still close enough that their noses almost touch. He’s left feeling dazed and breathless, and his insides don’t feel entirely solid, like they might collapse under the heavy pounding of his heart.

It makes Steve feel a little better to see Loki looking equally stunned. They’re still pressed together, and Steve can feel Loki’s chest lightly heaving through the shared contact. He looks into Loki’s eyes- dark green, nearly the shade of a forest. Molten with heat, and so many other emotions that Steve currently lacks the brainpower to decipher.

Steve catches himself staring, and quickly turns away. He does his best to ignore the sudden pang at the loss of contact, and takes in their surroundings. His eyes settle on the crowd a few meters away, and reality abruptly crashes around him.

Right. That was why they were kissing in the first place.

He clears his throat.

“I think we should try heading back now.”

Captain America and Loki prevent a mass shooting in upstate New York

The Washington Post

Captain America kisses boyfriend after foiling an attempted shooting

Vox

Captain America proves that he no longer deserves his title

Daily Wire

There are zero casualties in last night’s shooting- and it’s all thanks to Loki

BuzzFeed News

Here’s what #Stoki means for the LGBT community

The Independent

Rumors that last night’s shooter was Spider-Man’s civilian identity

Daily Bugle

The Avengers’ reactions can be summed up as “Really, Steve? Really?” Which is frankly unfair, because the kiss wasn’t even Steve’s idea. Though he can’t exactly complain about resulting public responses it had garnered (in fact, come the next morning they find an unsigned note amongst the pile of mail, consisting of nothing but a succinct “Are you fucking kidding me” in what looks suspiciously like Fury’s handwriting). That’s what Steve has chosen to focus on, instead of the way his insides begin to feel strange whenever he even thinks about the kiss. He’s blaming that on the fact that he has kissed too few people in his life.

But despite everything, Steve still feels a genuine pang of… something when Loki and Bruce return to Norway. Something which, of course, his friends take notice of.

“So I’m guessing he is a better kisser than you,” Natasha says, because she likes making him suffer.

“Are you sure you’re not actually dating?” Tony teases, which Steve resolutely ignores.

The others are nice enough not to actually say anything about it, though at one point Bucky does tell him he’s acting like a lovesick teenager (which he isn’t, okay).

Sam sends him an article with the headline “Florida Man Accidentally Burns Home Down After Lighting Captain America Merch On Fire In Protest Of Hero’s Relationship With Loki”. Steve forwards the article to Loki, then prints it out and sticks it on his wall next to his sketches.

Steve and Loki continue to regularly text each other. Loki still likes to start conversations by sending unflattering photos of Steve, and Steve is beginning to wonder if there’s a website dedicated to photos of him looking as ugly as humanly possible, be it mid-blink, mid-sneeze, or appearing double-chinned from an awkward angle. But of course, there’s always the possibility that Loki himself was the one who found the stills by pausing footage at the right moment. At this point, Steve isn’t sure which one would be better. But he still makes sure to send back funny and/or interesting videos and images that he finds online.

Neither of them have really talked about the kiss, outside of the context of how the general populace has reacted. Which is to be expected, because that’s the whole point of why they’re doing this. Yet Steve can’t help but feel that it’s something like a spectre, hovering unspoken between them.

Their plan finally bears fruit when, as time passes, the public begins to treat their “relationship” as they would any other celebrity couple. In fact, in his most recent interview, Steve even gets asked about what it’s like to date a former enemy, and also what it’s like to be in a long distance relationship.

Life is good, though Steve sometimes catches himself longing to see Loki again.

Which he does- almost three months later, after he nearly dies.

The first thing that Steve registers is how sore and stiff he feels. The second thing he notices is that he’s sleeping on something soft.

Really soft.

“Don’t worry, only three days have passed.”

Steve blinks blearily, then stiffens when his brain finally registers who the voice belongs to.

He tries to sit up, but two strong arms push him down again.

“Please don’t,” Loki says, an expression which almost resembles genuine concern flits across his features. “You’ll undo all of Eir’s hard work.”

Deliriously, Steve thinks that Loki looks like an angel, and he nearly drops the glass of water that the other man hands him.

As Steve sips on the glass, he tries to remember what happened.

He’s supposed to be in Sweden. With Bucky and Clint. They were on a mission investigating the rumours of Chitauri tech being circulated underground in Stockholm. It was a bit of an overkill for the three of them to go, but it was more of a matter of safety just in case things go terribly wrong.

Which it did.

After having their operations discovered, the dealers started a shootout at the base.  In the midst of the chaos Steve got hit point blank in the stomach by one of their weapons. The last thing he remembers, before completely blacking out from the pain, was an explosion which felt like it had burned him alive.

“Where’s Bucky and Clint?” Steve finally asks.

“Bruce finally managed to convince them to get some proper sleep a few hours ago.” Loki pauses, levelling Steve with a serious stare. “You’re quite fortunate that you were so close to New Asgard. If you were treated in one of your ordinary hospitals, your chances for survival would’ve been rather… slim.”

A brief flash of pain flickers through Loki’s eyes- teal, under this lighting- as the last word quietly drops from his lips.

Steve swallows down the rising guilt.

“Oh.”

He averts his gaze, and he uses it as an opportunity to glance around the room he’s in. He’s currently lying on one side of a king sized bed, under cream-coloured silk sheets. Aside from his now-empty glass, there’s a small stack of books and a lamp on the bedside table. Pale daylight is peeking through dark curtains, which seem to be hiding a large window. In the wall opposite the bed is an unlit fireplace, and there’s a wall length cupboard next to the door. It’s sparsely decorated, but it still feels strangely cosy for a recovery room.

“Where exactly am I?”

“You are currently resting in my bed. You’re welcome, by the way- if my sources are correct then it is possibly the best surface you’ve slept on in the past weeks.”

Steve stiffens.

“Wait- this is your bed? Then what about-”

“You were only moved here this morning,” Loki interrupts him. “Eir predicted that you would wake up some time today, and our medical facilities are still rather small and understaffed. So being the generous and considerate lover that I am…” Loki’s lips twist into an amused smile, and he spreads his hands out. “I offered my own living quarters as a place for your recovery.”

Steve attempts to protest that he doesn’t want to impose, but Loki shuts that down quickly with “You almost died, you idiot.” After that Steve begrudgingly acquiesces, especially when he has to suppress at wince at how sore his abdomen feels as he sits up.

Steve is able to walk around without too much difficulty, so Loki leaves him to eat in the kitchen while he leaves the house to go somewhere else. After taking one bite of an apple, Steve suddenly realises how hungry he is, and he devours the rest in less than a minute.

Loki isn’t gone for long, as he returns with Bucky and Clint in tow while Steve is almost finished with his second apple.

Clint visibly perks up when he sees Steve alive and whole, though he still remains alert of his surroundings. Bucky’s expression is about as rigid as his shoulders, but after staring at Steve for a few tense seconds, it all drains out of him and he mournfully mutters that he’d thought he had lost Steve.

Steve feels his heart clench seeing Bucky so distraught. After all, he knows exactly what it feels like to think that you’ve lost your best friend forever when you were supposed to be on a mission together.

Eventually they get around to discussing the disastrous mission in Stockholm. It was technically a success as they did break up the alien weapons trading ring, destroying every trace of it to boot. Bucky and Clint didn’t get out of the warehouse shootout unscathed either, but they were nowhere near as horrible as Steve was.

Throughout it all, Steve notices that Loki is lingering silently, as far away from them as the small space of the kitchen would allow. He finds it slightly odd that Bucky and especially Clint don’t seem to mind Loki listening in on classified information of their mission, but Steve supposes that somewhere along the process of him getting sent to New Asgard for emergency medical treatment, Loki must’ve gotten ahold of the details anyway.

“Oh and by the way, Steve,” Clint says. “Bucky and I are heading back to the compound first thing tomorrow.”

Steve frowns, but Bucky interrupts him before he can say anything.

“Yeah, we’re leaving you. Think of it as a vacation or something. God knows you need a break from trying to get yourself killed.”

Steve glances at Loki, who doesn’t seem surprised by the news at all. He thinks back to his earlier conversation with Loki, and it suddenly clicks. So he’s staying over at Loki’s for the next couple of days; they must’ve discussed it before he had woken up, then.

“And you’re okay with Loki watching over me?” Steve asks Clint sceptically.

“Hell no,” Clint says immediately. “But I’m trusting Thor and Bruce to step in before he does anything. And if that doesn’t work…” Clint glares at Loki. “I’m turning you into my personal pincushion.”

“Well that doesn’t sound very pleasant,” Loki says drily, prompting Clint to childishly flip him off.

Bucky appears only slightly less adverse to the arrangement, but he still gives Steve a careful hug before he and Clint leave.

Steve is surprised, to say the least, when it turns out that Loki lives in a modest-looking cottage which looks no different to the others in the neighbourhood; Loki must’ve used magic to make everything much bigger on the inside. Aside from the living room, kitchen, bathroom and laundry room, the cottage has two bedrooms, though one of them has been completely repurposed into a personal library/study space. When they get back to Loki’s room, Loki admits that when he first heard about the label of “king” beds, he had thought it meant that the bed would be befitting for a king.

“It’s acceptable, I suppose,” Loki shrugs, which Steve responds to with a playful roll of his eyes. Typical.

It also happens to be the only bed in the entire cottage. Loki absolutely refuses to let Steve sleep on the couch, but he also thinks it’s beneath him to sleep there when the bed is perfectly capable of fitting both of them.

“I suppose I’ll look forward to waking up to your beautiful face, then,” Loki says with a playful wink. Steve ignores the teasing like he usually does, except this time it’s accompanied by a light fluttering in his chest.

(He ignores that too)

Truth be told, Steve doesn’t mind- after all, he’s not one to get touchy over bed-sharing. Back when he was living with Bucky in their apartment in Brooklyn, there were times when they couldn’t afford consistent heating in winter. Thus, in order to prevent Steve from getting sick from the cold, they often shared a bed to share warmth. Steve’s also lost count of the number of times he had shared beds with Sam and Natasha (or even both at the same time, if the bed was big enough) while they were on the run. In the end, bed-sharing is just a pragmatic thing that he does with people he trusts.

It kind of begs the question of whether Loki is someone he trusts. A year ago the answer would’ve been a definite “no”. But that was before he’d actually gotten to know his former enemy as a person. A petty, snarky yet insightful person, with a ridiculous sense of humour. Now, after over half a year of being friends with Loki, and especially after that incident following their fake date, Steve thinks the answer might be “yes”. He knows most of his friends would disagree, but he does trust Loki.

Steve sits half-tucked into his side of the bed, trying his best to answer his mountain of unread messages. He assures all of his worried friends that he’s fine but he’s going to stay in New Asgard for a few more days, though he’s almost certain that they would’ve gotten that information already from Bucky and Clint.

Steve doesn’t get any immediate replies, so he idly scrolls through the news to see what the public is told about the incident in Stockholm. Somehow that leads him to discover that news of his presence in New Asgard has somehow gotten out, which led to his “relationship” with Loki being brought into the limelight again.

Steve is watching a clip of some Fox News anchors debating with a “historian” on how “Loki the god of evil has brainwashed Captain America and we need to rescue the poor Captain from his clutches” when Loki strides into the room in his nightclothes while toweling his damp hair. Loki raises an eyebrow at Steve as he listens in on the newsclip, but Steve doesn’t say anything until several moments after the video ends.

“Oh my god,” Steve finally manages, after his brain finally processes the sheer amount of bullshit that he had just been forced to listen to.

“You called?” Loki grins, tossing his towel aside. Steve groans.

“I know a lot of people still hate you for New York, but-” he gestures at his phone, at a loss for words. “What the fuck. ”

Loki bursts into laughter.

“No need to be so angry on my behalf, Steve,” he says, climbing onto the bed. “I actually quite like their version of the truth.”

Then Steve blinks as he watches Loki abruptly rearrange himself into a mocking parody of a seductive pose.

“Yes, I have indeed seduced the good Captain to the dark side,” Loki smirks, lowering his lashes. “And I definitely have plans to do so for every other hero that Earth has to offer.”

Steve swallows. To distract himself from his elevated heartbeat, he throws a pillow in Loki’s direction.

The ensuing pillow fight lasts for over an hour.

It doesn’t surprise Steve when, in the middle of his lunch meetup with Thor, the topic of Loki comes up.

“How have things with Loki been?”

“Pretty good, actually,” Steve answers honestly. Loki has actually been a rather gracious host, though he does get a bit ridiculous whenever he gets under the impression that Steve is overexerting himself.

“Good, that’s good,” Thor says, but there’s a slight furrow between his brows.

Steve frowns.

“Is something wrong?”

“Oh, no,” Thor quickly denies. “It’s just that- it’s not that I don’t trust you or anything- because I do, you’re a great man, one of the most honourable I’ve had the luck to meet and fight with in my lifetime-”

“Thor…” Steve tries to interrupt, but his friend goes on.

“-but I think I should tell you that if you hurt my brother, then he’s not one for forgiveness.”

Steve stares at him.

“What.”

“He’s more likely to retaliate,” Thor clarifies, as if that was the part Steve should’ve been confused about. “See, when we were on Sakaar, Loki had this weird thing going on with the Grandmaster.”

Steve nearly chokes on his own spit.

“What.”

“Yeah,” Thor agrees, as if he is imparting some particularly juicy bit of gossip and not telling Steve something he never ever wanted to know. “The Grandmaster was a strange, but horrible man, but Loki only went anywhere near him because of his power. In the end, Loki betrayed him, stole his best ships and there was also a revolution involved. I’m not sure what exactly happened, but I’m pretty sure the Grandmaster is no longer the ruler of Sakaar.”

What the fuck.

“Um, okay?” Steve finally says, weakly. “Why are you telling me this?”

But the only answer he receives is a pat on the arm.

“You’re a good man, Captain. I’d hate to see Loki ruin your life.”

What the fuck.

Cold creeps into the air inside his lungs, seeps into his skin, turning his bones into ice. The air around him thickens, until he drowns in it, chokes in it-

Steve’s eyes snap open and he gasps for air.

It takes several heartbeats for him to realise that he’s in Loki’s room, and not the flooded cockpit of the Valkyrie. It is still completely dark, and a quick glance at the time tells him it’s a quarter to four.

An involuntary shiver suddenly wracks through his body, and that’s when Steve realises that the cold didn’t vanish with his dreams.

In fact, it seems to be coming from beneath the covers.

Loki makes a pained noise and shifts in his sleep, and that’s all Steve needs before he throws off the blankets and turns on the bedside lamp.

The movement jars Loki awake, but Steve’s jaw drops when he sees him in the light.

Loki’s skin is completely blue. Steve has no idea what this means, but now that he’s concentrating, he can feel that the source of the cold is actually Loki himself.

Loki looks frantic and disoriented, as if he had just woken up from a nightmare. But the moment his eyes- red, blood red- land on the blue of his hands, a fresh wave of panic sweeps through him.

“Loki-” Steve begins as calmly as he can, but Loki flinches and throws himself off the bed.

“Loki-!”

“Don’t touch me!” Loki suddenly yells, as he spins on the floor to face Steve like a cornered animal.

Steve takes in a steadying breath. He doesn’t move, even though the muscles in his arms and legs are practically twitching from the effort.

“Don’t… touch me…” Loki repeats, weakly. He’s kneeling on the floor now, hunched over his shaking hands.

It kills Steve to do so, but he manages to remain seated on the bed. He watches, more fascinated than what is probably appropriate given the situation, as the blue slowly begins to recede from Loki’s skin. Loki still doesn’t move even when his usual, pale colour is fully restored, but Steve begins to make his way to the other man, until he is crouching right next to him.

“Are you okay now?” he asks softly.

“I… I’m sorry.” Loki still doesn’t look up. “Go back to bed, you need your rest. I’ll leave.”

“No Loki, look-” Steve sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “You don’t have to tell me what your nightmare was about. You don’t even have to tell me why you suddenly turned blue. It’s just… I had a nightmare too. And I’m going to the kitchen to get some water. Will you come with me?”

Loki hesitates for a moment, but then he nods.

They sit together in complete silence in the kitchen for what feels an eternity, before Steve finally speaks up.

“I don’t think I’ve had that nightmare in years.” In his peripheral vision he notices that he catches Loki’s attention. “The plane. Crashing it into the ice.” Steve smiles wryly. “Most people assume that I got knocked out by the impact. But I was awake for the whole thing. When the cockpit flooded… my arms and legs were broken from the crash, but I could already feel them knitting together even as I was running out of oxygen.

“I don’t know what got to me first- the cold, or the lack of air.”

It feels weird, but also strangely relieving to tell this to Loki. The only other person he’d ever mentioned this to was the therapist that SHIELD provided him after he’d first woken up. The therapist had nodded in understanding even though Steve could see her thinly-veiled horror, but Loki is merely looking at him with alert and assessing eyes. A far cry from the wild look he’d sported earlier.

“I’m sorry,” Loki finally says. “I must’ve been the cause of that. My Jotunn form… the cold…”

“Jotunn?” Steve asks, latching onto the unfamiliar term.

Loki doesn’t say anything for a moment, but then he sighs.

“Well as you know, I’m adopted,” he begins with a humourless smile. “Jotunn. Not Asgardian. What you saw just then is my true form, if you will. A monstrous, hideous creature of the cold- even the touch of our skin gives our enemies ice burn.”

Steve frowns.

“But you’re not monstrous or hideous,” he says.

Loki stares at him, then laughs, a tad hysterically.

“You would say that about someone who made you relive your own nightmares? Someone who attempted to enslave your race? Or did our little game of pretend make you forget that already?”

“It was an accident,” Steve says. “If it makes you feel better, I broke a bedside table once because of a nightmare. And as for New York…” Steve sighs, and looks Loki in the eye. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive that. But in case I haven’t made it obvious enough, I’m trying to move on from it. And I know that you’re definitely trying to move on from it too. I think that’s what matters for now.

“And besides,” Steve tries to smile. “I don’t think it’s possible for you to look hideous.”

Loki narrows his eyes.

“Steve,” he says warningly, but Steve only laughs.

“Oh, so you’re the only one allowed to compliment me on my appearance?” Loki’s pinched expression prompts the edges of Steve’s lips to quirk upwards in amusement, and he adds, “I honestly don’t think you looked bad- just different. But just as beautiful as you usually do.”

Steve nearly slaps himself when the last part accidentally slips out. He fervently prays for himself to spontaneously develop the ability to vanish from existence when Loki stares at him with wide eyes. But just before Steve can backtrack, give an excuse, anything, Loki clears his throat.

“And what exactly do you mean by that?” Loki’s expression is carefully blank, and Steve feels his heart pounding so fast he’s surprised he hasn’t passed out yet.

This is so stupid. He hasn’t even had the time to really think about the… feelings he’s been having for the other man.

And yet-

“I want to stop pretending,” Steve suddenly blurts out, and god damn it, what is wrong with him?

Loki goes completely expressionless.

“What.”

Steve licks his lips nervously, but he refuses to avert his gaze.

“I want to stop pretending because I want it to be real,” he ploughs on, because that’s his only option now. “I… I don’t think I’ve been pretending, to be honest. At least not for a while.”

Shock and surprise flood Loki’s face and he stares at Steve as if he’s seeing him for the first time.

“Steve…” he begins, but he trails off, still struck speechless.

“I’m sorry if that’s not what you want,” Steve quickly says. “We can forget this conversation ever happened.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Loki scoffs before surging forward and capturing his lips in a kiss.

Steve tries to put all of his feelings- the unstoppable urge to smile or laugh when he sees Loki do the same, the way his heartbeat accelerates in his presence, and the pure ecstasy that this is happening, this is real- into the kiss. It seems to work, because he feels Loki smile against his lips in response.

They break off briefly, but Steve runs his hand down Loki’s hair and grabs a fistful of it, using the grip to tug him down again. Loki follows without complaint, even moaning into Steve’s mouth in response.

They continue kissing, again and again, until the darkness outside bleeds away into dawn.

“You know,” Steve says, as the commercial break begins. “I think Thor tried to give me the shovel talk.”

Loki shifts on the couch next to him to stare at him incredulously.

“Shovel talk?”

“The ‘If you hurt him, I’ll hurt you’ talk.” Steve pauses. “Except I think he was trying to tell me that if I hurt you, then you’d ruin my life.”

“You Midgardians and your strange ways with words,” Loki mutters, almost fondly. “Thor is unbelievable, so of course he did that. What else did he say?”

“Uh.” Steve suddenly regrets bringing this up at all. “He mentioned the Grandmaster?”

The colour abruptly drains from Loki’s face. He grabs the nearest cushion and promptly buries his face into it.

“For fuck’s sake, Thor. ”

[visored-headcanons]

Chapter 3 of Trial Run!!!

Chapter 3: Sometime you just know

Love hadn’t been in this world very long, but as he sat there in that hallway, he knew he would never see anything as beautiful as the girl who stood before him.

It had been a normal morning at the academy, and in his rush to get to his kido class early, Love had been mid-flashstep when a girl stepped into the hallway. Before he could stop himself he crashed into her, spilling books and papers all across the hallway.

“Aw shit.” He could feel an embarrassed flush spread across his face as he saw that the girl was groaning as she tried to pull herself off the ground, one hand rubbing at her shoulder. “I am so sorry, here, lemme grab yer things.” He began to scramble around, sorting out the odds and ends.

“No, no.” She sounded out of breath as she too began to move about. “I should have been paying better attention, you’d think I was a first year with how lost I get in these halls.”

He paused as one of her hands landed on his, eyes wide as he turned to look at her, breath catching in his chest.

Skin the color of sweet hot chocolate, his eyes were drawn up that slender arm to a dancer’s lithe body to the most beautiful face he had ever seen. Full lips painted a delicate pink, a smattering of freckles across her cheeks, and wide honey colored eyes framed by a series of of unruly curls.

His jaw couldn’t help but drop as he took her in.

“Are you okay hun?” That beautiful face drew closer to his own as it shifted into a look of confusion.

“It’s not hun. My name is Love, Love Aikawa.” Finally he had found his lost ability to speak.

That beautiful face made the most wonderful smile he had ever seen as he pulled himself to his feet, abandoning his belongings on the ground.

“Well ain’t that something.” She giggled and took his outstretched hand, soft skin against calloused, “It’s pretty rare that I get to meet someone with a name like mine.” At his raised eyebrow she let out another laugh, “My first name isn’t japanese, its Darling.”

A wide smile stretched across his face, “Darling.” He liked the way it rolled off his tongue, “Don’t think I’ve ever heard such a lovely name.”

“I’m not surprised, I don’t usually speak up that much in class.”

“Funny, I’m losing my edge.” At her questioning look he flashed her a suave smile, “I would have thought I would remembered ever meeting someone as amazing as you are.”

“Well, Mr. Aikawa, we’ve only known each other two minutes and you’ve already deemed me amazing?” She lightly shoved his shoulder, another laugh bubbling out of her. What he wouldn’t give to hear that laugh forever.

“Somethings you just know right away.”

In the end, they were both late for class, but no one seemed to notice how the two of them walked in, hand in hand.

———

“Ya know, I’ve been thinking about us.” Love froze at the sound of Darling’s voice outside the door to the barracks of the men’s side of the 7th division.

“What about us, Darl?” To his surprise, the use of her nickname failed to cause a smile to bloom across her face. She slipped through the door and plopped down onto his bed, slumping over, head resting in hands and elbows resting on knees. “Everything alright?”

“We’ve been dating for awhile, haven’t we hun?” She rested her head on his shoulder the moment he sat down next to her, his arm moving to wrap around her shoulders. “I mean, we’ve been together since we bumped into each other in our second years.” Her hand easily slid into his own. “Now we’re both finally here, working the jobs we’ve always wanted…” she groaned and fell into his lap, face pillowed into his thigh as he moved his hand from her own to start rubbing her back.

“I look forward to being a fellow grunt with you.” He smiled as she cooed when he started rubbing at a knot in her lower back. “We’re finally free from all the academy rules about relationships and we’ve got nowhere to go but up.”

“Up? Love, hunny bug, we just joined up.” She rolled over to look at him. “Maybe before we start planning out promotions….we should think about other things.”

“I don’t know babe. The idea of me in a haori and you in that lieutenants badge is a pretty sweet sight in my mind.” He admired the way her nose scrunched up in frustration. “It could also go the other way around, I’m not picky.”

“Be serious you big dork.” She lightly punched him in the stomach. “I’m talking about something between us that doesn’t involve our ability to climb the ranks.” She pulled herself up onto her elbows, “I love you.”

“And I love you.” He pulled her up so she was straddling his lap. “There’s no one that I’d rather spend my time with. Yer my soulmate Darl.”

“Are we ever gonna be more than boyfriend and girlfriend though?” She placed a hand on each of his cheeks. “You know me Love, I’m not gonna just sit and be the pretty girl at your side. One of the reasons I love you is because you don’t treat me like some doll or prize you can win, ya love me for me. But I have to wonder,” she pressed her forehead to his and closed her eyes, “are we ever gonna be something more?” He froze as a tear slid down her cheek, “Is it wrong that I’m looking to ask to be your wife?”

“Darl, you silly, impatient woman.” Love shook his head as he softly pushed her away his face and out of his lap.

“Love? What are ya doing?” She called out to him as he reached into his small closet and pulled out a tiny box as he sighed.

“I was gonna plan out the perfect evening,” he plopped down next to her, “I was gonna get us off work early and take you out on the town, show you off to all the jealous guys and make ya feel like the most beloved thing in the world as I took ya to our favorite restaurant, the one that knows how to make that weird bowl thing you really like.” At her smile he stood again. “I was gonna tell you a million reasons as to why I love you so much and then…”

She gasped as he lowered himself on one knee, “You and I were so impatient to meet that we nearly killed one another in that hallway, but you and me Darl,” he popped open the box to show a simple diamond glittering on a plain band with a matching gold necklace, “I know it ain’t much, I’d buy you all the jewels and treasures of the world if I could, but I saved every coin I could to get ya this. I got both a ring and a necklace since I know you worry about wearing things like rings because you damage them too easily, so I got the chain so you could wear it around your neck.” At this point she had begun to cry, hands covering her mouth to keep the sobs from getting too loud, “What I mean to ask you now, since you were so impatient, is if you will marry—”

“YES!” She threw herself into his arms and knocked him over, smothering him with little kisses. She pulled back up to allow him to put the necklace on her her. Love couldn’t stop the giant grin from growing on his face as she cradled that little ring in her hands.

“Oh my gods hun, we’re gonna get married!” She paused and looked back at him, “Hun, how we gonna plan a wedding and do our jobs at the same time?”

“Well,” he pulled her close, “now don’t think I’m a cheapskate but since we’re not the types to have big celebrations or go all out, maybe we could go to the captain and ask him to officiate? It ain’t all that uncommon for most people to go and ask their captain to officiate over their ceremonies, even if we maybe just want to do something small.”

“Hmmm.” She traced a hand along his collar bone, “That sounds nice. No need for anything too big. We sign our contract, go get a nice dinner, and spend some time,” she leaned in close, breath warm against his ear, “breaking in our new couples quarters?”

“I like the way you’re thinking Darl.” He pressed a kiss to her nose, surprising her as he gathered her in his arms in a bridal carry and made for the door, “Let’s go find the captain and get this party started.”

————

“Hmmmm.” Love was awoken from his light doze as Darling shifted against him, her hair tickling his bare chest.

“How you doing?” Running a hand down her back, he pulled the blanket tighter around the two of them, taking a brief moment to admire their new, larger living space.

“Who would have thought it would be so exhausting to christen every room in our new quarters?” She brought her arms up and propped herself up on his elbows on his chest.

“I don’t know Darl, seems like we managed to do it in a timely manner, besides they combined our two quarters for our promotion.” He gestured to where a door had been added between the lieutenants and captain’s quarters in the seventh division.

“Hmmm, I still can’t believe we made it!” She let out laugh as she dropped from her position to tightly hug him. “Just like you always said, ‘One day we’ll make it to the top of the seventh and live happily ever after!’ and now we’re here!”

“That promotion ceremony and party sure were something.” He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head, “I thought you were gonna explode when they told ya you were gonna be my lieutenant.”

She lightly punched his chest, “Well it confirmed to me that not all the lieutenants are as crazy as some we’ve met. It was nice, but not as good as how you look in that haori.” She purred as she recalled the memory.

“A good part of my night was wondering if you were going to jump me in front of all of those people.” He laughed at her happy expression.

“It ain’t my fault you were made to wear that haori, it hits all the right parts of ya.” She sat up, knocking the blanket off of the two of them, “Speaking of all those parts, I can’t quite recall if we christened the kitchen on the captain’s side.” She stood up, moonlight hitting her ever so perfectly, “What do you think we should do, Captain?”

Throwing of what of the blanket remained on his legs, he grinned at her, “Well, we should make sure to cover all of our bases, Lieutenant.”

————

Love couldn’t stop staring at the paper in his hands as he sat in fourth division, Darling vibrating in place beside him.

“You really mean—?” A simple nod from Unohana confirmed it for him as Darling’s squeal deafened him.

“Oh hunny!” Darl wrapped her arms around his shoulders, tears falling down her face, “It’s finally happening! We’re getting all of our dreams! True love, good jobs, and now we’re gonna be having a family!”

Due to the high concentrations of spiritual pressure in their bodies, it was rare for a female soul reaper to get pregnant, the chances even smaller for a woman in the captain class level, so it wasn’t surprising that it took nearly 16 years for them to conceive a child.

Smiling at the happy couple, Unohana spoke. “From what we know from the testing, she’s roughly two months along with your child, so in about seven months we should be expecting your first child and for you two to get your family.”

“Oh Love!” Darling was overjoyed as she clung to him, “I’ve always wanted a family!” She pulled away and gripped his chin to look him right in the eyes, “Love Aikawa, I swear to you that we ain’t doing this small family shit. We are having as many kids as my baby oven can give us, and they will grow up beloved by all because they’ll have my charm and looks.”

“What are they getting from me then?”

“Eh, we can hope they get your height.”

Laughing, he pulled her into a tight hug, “Whatever you want Darl, you know I can’t ever say no to you.”

Retsu quietly left the private room to allow the happy couple to continue to celebrate, a small prayer for a healthy child and easy pregnancy going out for them.

“That child will never know what it’s like to be unloved.” She sighed and turned to where Seinosuke stood waiting for her, “Off to our next assignment.”

———-

“It was supposed to just be us coming in to check about the cough she picked up.” Love sat with his head in his hands as he sat beside Darling’s bedside, Unohana’s hand gentle as she patted his shoulder.

“There’s no way you could have known she was sick.” Retsu’s kind words did nothing to dull the pain as he watched Darling slowly breathe as she lay there on the cot, one hand on her baby bump.

Just a few days ago they were laughing as they went to a shop in the Rukon to pick up the tiny kimonos they had ordered, cooing over how adorable their baby would look wearing the tiny captain’s haori the shopkeeper had given them as a gift.

“I should have known.” A day or so after her morning sickness began to get so bad that she couldn’t hold anything down and and that afternoon she had come down with a bad fever and a cough that wouldn’t stop.

“Hun, these sort of things just happen.” Her voice was soft and breathy as she weakly squeezed his hand, “Even big and tough soul reapers get sick.” His stomach twisted as she gave a hacking cough, blood speckling the sheets and her lips.

One hand firmly squeezing hers, he turned to Unohana, “Please tell me that there’s something you can do to help her.”

The other healers shifted uncomfortably as their captain sighed, “This is a relatively new sickness, we don’t even know how she caught it. It’s appeared in an equal number of soul reapers as it has people in the Rukongai, and very few have recovered from it, majority of them being very young children.”

“How long do I have?” Darling had tears running down her cheeks, “If ya can’t save me, then maybe we give the little one a little more time to cook,” she rubbed a hand against her swollen middle, six months pregnant, “I want to give them some more time so they can—”

“Even if the child wasn’t affected by the sickness, most people in your stage only have a few more days, not months or weeks.” Darling’s hand slipped from Love’s to join her other on her middle. “The child would be too premature to survive with what materials we have available.”

“Oh gods!” Darling began to sob, little coughs getting in between her choked crying.

“There’s nothing you can do?” Love was barely feeling anything at the moment, his voice hollow.

“All we can do it try to make it as painless as possible for your family.” Unohana knelt down to be at eye level with the two of them. “I don’t mean to hurt you two by telling you these things but it would be worse for me to lie to the two of you.”

Love faintly heard Unohana leave to go get medicine to soothe Darling’s cough. How painless could it be to be told that not only was he losing the love of his lifetimes, but that their unborn child would never have a chance?

“Love, hunny…” he turned to see Darling’s face covered in tears, “I’m so sorry hunny.” She began to stutter and try to form another apology but there was no need.

Wordlessly he slid into her bed and held her as tight as possible, failing to hold back the tears as she wailed into his chest.

————-

Sitting at the bar, Love ignored the quiet murmurs of the lower ranks officers around him, choosing instead to continue to drink on his own.

It had been a month since Darling and their unborn child’s funeral, and once again he was wandering around instead of going back to his quarters. It was easier to sleep in an unfamiliar bed than to go to the one he shared with her and see the various baby supplies all around the rooms, a half built crib still in the corner of their living room. Just 6 weeks ago he and Darl were ditching paperwork to the third seat to go out and think of baby names and make promises for all the things they would do in the future

‘We were going to be so happy’ he motioned for the barkeep to refill his drink, stopping him before he moved on, “Leave the flask.”.

Before he could continue his melancholy solo drinking, a certain blonde slipped into the seat next to him.

“I’ll have a cheaper version of whatever he’s having.” Belatedly Love realized that this was the kid who had seen with the newbie captain, Muguruma, and been rumored to had been going for his Bankai.

“Shinji!” Speak of the devil, the grey haired captain appeared on Shinji’s other side, “Stop being such an idiot, can’t you see that he wants to be alone!”

“I’m just here to get a drink, don’t get your fundoshi in a twist.” Turning away from Muguruma, Shinji smiled at Love. “Sorry about the interruption Captain Aikawa, the bar’s kinda full and I could only see one place to step in to get the keep’s attention.”

This kid was…strange to say the least, and for quite a few reasons Love couldn’t put his finger on, but before he could reply, the barkeep placed the flask in front of Shinji and Muguruma grabbed the flask and the smaller man by the shoulder.

“Okay Shinji, you got your alcohol, you should go back to the table, Lisa and Mashiro are probably going to get bored and cause property damage without you.” Turning to Love he pulled the complaining blonde into a headlock, “I’m so sorry Aikawa, this one’s an idiot and can’t tell when he’s not wanted.”

“Party pooper.” Shinji stuck out his tongue at Murguruma and looked to Love, “He’s had the largest stick shoved up his ass as long as I’ve known him, probably was a tree they planted there at birth.”

It was hard to fight the smile that threatened to climb onto Love’s face as he watched the two pause to bicker. “Seems like you have a good friend there Muguruma.”

“More like I ran into him a few decades back and he won’t stop following me around.”

“You say the same thing about Mash.”

A small laugh came out, the first since he had gotten the news that he was going to lose Darling.

“Sir, I know you were planning on mourn-drinking the night away,” Shinji ignored the frantic shushing of Kensei, shooing him away with a single hand, “but our humble gathering would be overjoyed if you would take the time to join us for the rest of our night on the town.”

As much as that part of him that felt like he was bleeding inside told him to stay where he was and continue to drown those hard to classify emotions in alcohol, a little voice that sounded like Darl told him ‘Hun, you shouldn’t be off drinking alone for the rest of your days, go out with those kids and have fun.’

Picking up the cup and flask, he turned to the two angrily bickering men, “You know what, I’ll take you up on your offer, bout time I stop drowning my sorrows on my own.”

“That sounds like a fine idea sir!” Shinji’s Cheshire smile was almost glowing as he pointed the way to their table.

“Kid, if you’re gonna drink with me, drop the ‘Sir’ stuff. It’s Love.”

Stretching up to throw an arm around Love’s shoulder, Shinji aimed that smile at Muguruma, “Come on Kensei! Wipe that dazed expression off yer face before Mashiro starts to throw things in yer open mouth. We’re gonna paint the town tonight!”

Okay since I’ve run out of room I’ll post the last two bits in a reblog

[everythinginasockdrawer-blog]

Looking For You (In All The Wrong Places)

On AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11289765

 Alex was pretty sure she was going to have to punch her soulmate in the face when she finally found him (and then promptly throw the bastard in a cell to rot for all eternity). She had first noticed the greying footprints around National City right around the time she was recruited into the DEO. She hadn’t bothered trying to find him at the time, they were grey which meant there wasn’t really a point in trying (foot prints turn grey after they’re thirty minutes old, seemingly to keep people from trying to follow their soulmate’s footprints forever, instead only seeing brightly colored ones if they were recent) but now, now she wished she could find the bastard.

“Hey Danvers, come here, look at this.” Alex was brought back to the present by Vasquez’s call from across the crime scene and she jogged over to their location.

“What have you got?” She asked them, Vasquez held up a bloodied, rusty iron pipe in their gloved hand.

“I’m thinking this might be our murder weapon.” Alex snorted, looking at the amount of blood on it.

“You think? Bag it and tag it, I’ll run some tests at the lab to see if the blood matches the victim’s.” Vasquez raised an eyebrow at her, holding the pipe out closer to her face.

“I don’t know Al… I mean… This blood is only blue like our victim’s… I mean we’re all blue blooded right?” Alex rolled her eyes and (after glancing around to make sure no one was paying attention) affectionately ruffled their hair.

“Still need to run the tests Vas, you know, concrete evidence and all. Look, why don’t you double check the crime scene and get that to the lab, then you can go home, I know Lucy’s due back tonight, I’m sure you’d like some extra time together.” Vasquez shot her a thankful smile.

“Thanks Al, you want to meet up with us in the morning for breakfast? Like a late breakfast cause we aren’t going to want to leave the bed for awhile… You know what on second thought let’s make it lunch… Just in case.” Alex laughed and clapped Vasquez on the shoulder.

“How about one o’clock, I’ll meet you guys over at that Chinese place on 4th street?” They nodded, their smile contagious as they bounced on the balls of their feet.

“Thanks again, Alex. I’m gonna go finish up my stuff and head home. See you tomorrow.” They gave her a brief hug before jogging off towards the victim for a final inspection and Alex just shook her head, smiling behind them.

Alex was one of only a couple of people who knew that Lucy and Vasquez were soulmates. They had found out back when General Lane was still causing issues and they were (technically) on opposite sides of the whole thing so they’d kept quiet about it. (And then the General had forced Lucy to take a tour in Afghanistan as punishment for defying him and she’d refused to go public with their relationship because she didn’t want him trying to take it out on Vasquez as well.) Thankfully J’onn had pulled some strings and Lucy was going to be officially DEO starting the next week.

Which brought Alex back to her own soulmate, who she was starting to get really pissed off with. Why: because as far as she can tell her soulmate is a serial killer. His footprints had began showing up at every single one of her alien homicides, and not in the “I happened to have walked through the area” kind of way, but in the “I walked all over the place, circled the body and was near the murder weapon” kind of in the area. This was the sixth scene in a month he’d shown up at and she was pissed. She didn’t ask for this, she barely even wanted a soulmate in the first place…

The next afternoon she walked into The Lucky Dragon and was shocked to find Lucy and Vasquez already sitting in a booth in the back of the restaurant. She watched as Lucy’s eyes lit up when she caught sight of her and she quickly found herself pulled into a hug by the former Major.

“Hey Luce, how’re you doing?” Alex asked as they pulled apart, the other woman shrugged.

“Better now that I’m back home, missed you and Vas. And the others too I guess.” She winked and Alex rolled her eyes, knowing from her numerous letters that she did miss everybody.

“Whatever you say Luce.” Alex finally detangled herself from Lucy’s grasp and drug the other woman back to the table where her partner was waiting for them.

“Thanks for returning her, I was so worried she’d never come back to me.” They teased gently as Lucy slid into the booth next to them, pressing a quick kiss to their cheek.

“Stop being so dramatic you big baby.” They smirked, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and kissing her temple. Alex rolled her eyes, trying to pretend that she was annoyed by their overly affectionate selves.

“I can go if you two need some more alone time.” Alex wiggled her eyebrows at them. Lucy shook her head.

“No, no, no. We can handle mild PDA for an hour… Probably.” Alex shook her head in amusement.

“If you say so. So how was the Middle East?” Lucy groaned and launched into a rant about the pointlessness of the entire operation. Going on about the amount of innocent people whose lives were being uprooted by the needless violence.

“Okay… Anyways on a less depressing topic… I’ve heard you’re having some issues with your soulmate.” Lucy eventually redirected the conversation and Alex groaned.

“Yeah… I’m pretty sure he’s the guy that’s been killing all of these aliens in town recently… I told J’onn about it but until I see some colored prints I can’t do much of anything about it.” Lucy frowned, squeezing Alex’s hand across the table.

“Well that sucks… I mean… If things don’t work out with him at least you can come join Vas and I. We’ve got room.” Alex smirked.

“I’m sure you do, however I’m not sure playing third wheel to the two of you for the rest of ours lives sounds super fun.” Vasquez gave a nod of understanding but Lucy just shook her head.

“Fine you can sleep with us…”

“She can?”

“...But no funny business… This one’s mine…”  Lucy kissed Vasquez and Alex rolled her eyes at them.

“Okay, if I get to lonely after I’ve thrown my soulmate into the depths of the coldest, darkest cell I can find I’ll let you know. In the meantime the food’s here so let’s eat.”

It’s not until several days later that she gets called onto a scene she was only a few blocks away from, and the first thing she noticed were the footprints leading away from the crime scene. Not that they existed, but that, for once, they were bright green. She quickly calls J’onn and tells him what’s happening before taking off running in the direction the footprints were headed (making sure to hang up the phone before J’onn can tell her not to try to apprehend the bastard by herself). She ran, watching as the colors of the footprints changed from green to yellow to orange, signaling she was getting closer to him. The prints started to turn red and Alex felt anticipation building inside her and she was somewhat surprised when they suddenly turned into a building and glancing up Alex realized she was standing in front of a coffee shop. Well I guess even murderers need their caffeine fix.

She didn’t take very long to take in the scene, a rather typical college coffee shop before her eyes sought out the footprints she’d been following and before she could even attempt to assess the person her eyes were drawn to the firearm strapped to their side and her training kicked in before she could really think about how bad of an idea it was… She full on tackled the other person to the ground.

She had her gun out and trained on they in an instant and a (small) part of her was impressed to find their own weapon aimed at her chest. Then she took a moment to take in the situation and her eyes widened in shock.

“You’re a girl!” Alex half shouted in shock as she took in her... Soulmate? Alex double checked the footprints behind her and confirmed that they led to the woman currently pinned beneath her.

“You just tackled me… Like all out football style tackled me… And that’s the first thing you have to say?” The other woman was looking at her like she was insane (and she realized she probably looked it) but she was still to shocked to realized she hadn’t actually explained why she’d assaulted the other woman, still a little fixated on that particular fact.

“But… You’re a girl…” The other woman’s face contorted into a strange (and weirdly endearing) mixture of confusion, exasperation and something that looked like anxiety.

“Yep, pretty sure we’re in agreement on that…” She looked between Alex’s face and the gun being held in front of her own. “So… Any particular reason for the armed assault or just… Happened to be feeling it today?” Alex was finally shook out of her shock and quickly reached into her back pocket and pulled out her id.

“Agent Alex Danvers, FBI.” She held out her badge for inspection and felt the other woman relax beneath her. After a second she suddenly had a badge that definitely wasn’t her own flashed in her face.

“Detective Maggie Sawyer, NCPD Science Division.” Alex’s gun dropped subconsciously to a less deadly portion of her soulmate’s body (headshots tended to be fatal) and took her id with her free hand, quickly checking to make sure it wasn’t a fake. Alex’s eyes widened again.

“You’re a cop!” Maggie’s head tilted to the side in clearly exasperated.

“Is this going to be like the whole me being a girl thing? Cause I’m still feeling a little insulted you hadn’t figured at least that part out before assaulting me…” Alex was barely listening as all of the pieces finally fell into place for her.

“Holy shit you’re a cop.” Maggie groaned. “Wait… Science Division… You’re one of the cops that investigates things that have to do with aliens.” Maggie’s eyes narrowed slightly.

“Yeah, we do…” Alex leaned back, pulling her weight off the other woman and giving her a chance to sit up while she finished her line of questioning.

“You’ve been working on the case with the serial murders haven’t you?” Maggie sat up, still watching Alex warily.

“Yeah I have… How on Earth could you know that?” It was at this point Alex realized Maggie didn't know they were soulmates and she quickly scrambled off of her. She holstered her weapon and pulled the Detective to her feet before pointing to the floor behind them.

“Yours have been all over every crime scene I’ve gone too.” Maggie looked around Alex and her eyebrows shot up when she realized what Alex was referring to.

“Wait a minute… You’re my… Wait, why did you attack me? You could have just… I don't know… Said hello?” Alex blushed, scratching the back of her neck in embarrassment as she gazed down at Maggie.

“Well… Like I said earlier… You’re footprints have kind of been all over all of my crime scenes in what’s been deemed a series of murders by the same individual… And I didn’t think that was a coincident… Which it wasn’t… I just thought you were the perp not one of the investigators…” Maggie snorted.

“You thought I was a serial killer?” Alex shrugged.

“The universe has a way of hating me… Though…” She made a show of checking the shorter woman out, “It was probably just trying to make up for giving me one hell of a hot soulmate.” She watched the other woman’s cheeks flush bright red and she ducked her head.

“I… Definitely understand the feeling.” Maggie bit her lip while giving Alex a once over and the redhead felt a pleased shive run down her spine. “Though you didn’t explain the whole body slamming me to the ground thing yet…” Alex shrugged.

“I saw you had a gun and my training kicked in… Training… Shit hold on…” Alex quickly pulled out her phone and speed dialed J’onn. “Hey… Yes I’m fine, false alarm… Yeah I’m sure… I’ll explain when I get back to base… Yes sir, I’m sure… Positive… Yes I did… Are you sure… Yes sir… Okay I’ll see you in the morning… Bye…” Alex hung up and put her phone away. “Figured we didn’t really need an assault team at the moment…” Maggie smiled.

“That might… Put a bit of a damper on things…” She looked around the shop and realized that at some point after the whole drawing guns on each other thing that everyone had fled the building.

“Maybe we should get out of here…” Maggie laughed and it was one of the best thing Alex had ever heard in her life (she was hit with the realization she was probably going to need to take a moment to process the realization she’s gay, but it seems to pale in comparison to the realization she had found her (not a serial killer) soulmate).

“Well, I was heading to go hit up one of my info hubs to see if I could learn anything… Wanna come with?” Alex smiled.

“That, sounds perfect.”

It wasn’t until much later, after shaking down a couple of guys for information, a couple rounds of some basically non-alcoholic drink and a around dozen games of pool, that she realized that Lucy and Vasquez were never going to let her live this down cause she had what was probably one of the most unusual/embarrassing soulmate-meeting stories in existence… At least until Kara called them in a panic three months later after she discovered Lena Luthor was her soulmate...

[seiten-taisei]

Saiyuki Reload Blast Anime: Information for new and returning fans

Greetings everyone!

So as we know Saiyuki Reload Blast is being animated around July, and we are very excited!

Since I know there will be new and returning fans, I wanted to bring to light some information about this wonderful series. Beware, this is a long post!

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MANGA

Saiyuki is a manga written and drawn by a woman who goes by the name Kazuya Minekura. The series became officially published in 1997 and has been running ever since. Saiyuki is composed of many manga and a few spin offs:

MAIN SERIES

Saiyuki - The beginning of the series, 9 volumes Saiyuki Reload - The second series, a direct continuation, 10 volumes Saiyuki Reload Blast - Third and final series, currently ongoing, 3 volumes

PREQUELS

Saiyuki Gaiden - Set 500 years before the main series, 4 volumes Saiyuki Ibun - Set before the main series, tells the story of Sanzo’s master

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ANIMATED ADAPTIONS

Saiyuki is interesting as it has many animated adaptions. This is a source of enjoyment but also frustration as this means none of the art styles are consistent as they are mostly done by different studios or changed character designs. The anime are also plagued with fillers. 

TV SERIES

Gensomaden Saiyuki (2000) Saiyuki Reload/Saiyuki Gunlock (2003) Saiyuki Reload Blast (2017)

MOVIES

Saiyuki Requiem

OVAS (in order of release)

Saiyuki Premium Saiyuki Burial Saiyuki Gaiden

This post has some information on finding places to read the manga and watch the Anime.

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Now for the main reason for this post. 

Saiyuki Reload Blast will more than likely start at the beginning of the third and final series which means it may be confusing for new fans or ones who haven’t read the series in awhile. Platinum Vision may put in some flashbacks to explain characters that have long since been established, but I’m hoping to give you as much information without being too long of a read as possible.

Because of spoilers for all series I will put it behind a ‘read more’ cut.

SAIYUKI GAIDEN

The story begins in Saiyuki Gaiden. It’s not quite necessary to read, but it’s a very good series that is very emotional. Long story short, Gaiden is about the crime a young Goku committed 500 years ago that got him imprisoned. 

Goku, after watching his best friend Nataku, a war god, die before his eyes, transformed into the terrifying creature known as Seiten Taisei. He slaughtered many gods. His friends, the original forms of Sanzo, Gojyo, and Hakkai, attempted to save him. However they all met an untimely end leading Goku into despair. A merciful Goddess named Kanzeon Bosatsu sealed his memories and imprisoned him in a mountain for 500 years.

SAIYUKI

Skip forward 500 years, we meet Sanzo, Gojyo and Hakkai who all have very traumatic pasts. Sanzo frees Goku from his prison and a few years later the group gather together and are order by 3 gods to stop the resurrection of the demon king.

Along their long journey they meet many people; some good, some bad. One important rival is Kougaiji, the Demon King’s son, and his faithful team; his sister Lirin, his apothecary Yaone, and Dokugakuji, his loyal warrior and Gojyo’s older brother.

The team runs into another fearsome foe known as Kami Sama. Sent by a doctor who works for the Demon King named Ni Jianyi, Kami Sama completely battered Sanzo’s group and took Sanzo’s sutra, the source of his heavenly power. 

After regrouping, the team finally began to work together instead of bickering, a sign of their growth. A fierce battle ensued and the Sanzo ikkou were victorious, taking back Sanzo’s scroll and continuing their journey.

SAIYUKI RELOAD

The series continues on in Saiyuki Reload. Similar to the first series the guys run into enemies and help villages they visit. Two characters they encounter are Hazel, a priest from the west, and his bodyguard, Gat. Similar to Kami Sama, they are influenced by Doctor Ni and they follow the group.

An event happens that causes Sanzo to spiral into a rage that echos a traumatic incident that happened in his youth. This makes him to leave the group and go with Hazel.

Eventually Sanzo runs into the man who has been causing the group so much trouble, Ni Jianyi, also known as Sanzo Ukoku who is a priest that uses a sutra similar to our hero.

Sanzo is throttled, his friends come to aid him but are also beaten down. Hazel, who loses someone precious, attacks his former mentor Ukoku but is badly injured and presumed dead. Taking advantage of the situation, Sanzo manages to blind the deranged Ukoku and the man flees, leaving the group shaken.

SAIYUKI RELOAD BLAST

The new anime will pick up here, so there shouldn’t be a need to write up a summary of events. 

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I would highly recommend reading the manga to get up to speed. The anime are fun to watch but they are full of fillers and gecko endings. In particular, many fans did not like the outcome of Saiyuki Gunlock’s adaptation of even a worm, the arc when Hazel appears as it:

Does not include Sanzo’s fight with the Youkai

Human’s mistreatment of Youkai

Goku nearly dying by the hands of Ukoku

Seiten Taisei fighting Youkai Hakkai

The Oasis Youkai

Sanzo tormented by the hands of Ukoku

Proper characterization and back story for Hazel and Gat

Dr. Ni’s reveal of being Ukoku Sanzo

And much more

Gensomaden Saiyuki has an entire filler arc surrounding the events caused by a War God named Homura which is somewhat canonical, but can be skipped. Many consider it a pretty decent contribution to the series as the characters were fleshed out.

Another reason to read the manga is because it focuses a lot more on character growth than the anime does which tends to stick the Sanzo Ikkou with the same character traits when, in reality, they have all grown little by little over the journey.

Goku especially goes through some major changes, especially through Reload which was not adapted into the Anime. Because of this, he’s always portrayed as overly naive, hungry, and a muscle head. He’s actually become a much deeper and mature character and I desperately hope Saiyuki Reload Blast properly shows this.

I hope this was informative! To new fans I welcome you to our fandom! We love meeting new people and watching the community grow. Saiyuki is an amazing series and we love it. To returning fans, welcome back! 

If you have any questions or just want a place to chat about Saiyuki, we have a discord chat where you can meet with other fans! If you prefer lurking that is totally fine too!

[janeykath318]

The Trials Of Being A Bodyguard 9

[shann8n-blog]

This quote couldn’t better describe how I feel right now. After my first real mature relationship I dated someone else- Someone I haven't talked about yet. I just got out of my first relationship and I was torn into bits- My friends invited me over to hangout all the time to keep me company, and those were some of the best times of my life. Those moments will forever mean the most to me. They would mention there was another person that lived there, but he was always gone when I hung out there, and I was always kind of curious of who this guy was. He was dating my friend at the time, and she was anxious to have me meet him- Actually I’m not sure they were official I can’t remember. He finally was there and I got to meet him, and my god. It was love at first site. I knew I was doomed. The way he carried himself, his art work, his hair, his personality, his everything. I worked my way into his life, and there I would stay for a good 3 years. My friend hated me- with good reason. Karma would bite me so hard in the ass for that. Don’t ever forget what comes around goes around. Just the way I was drawn to him was unexplainable to me. Maybe I’m just crazy. When we first started to get to know each other he would play his guitar and told me he doesn’t like anything more than his guitar, but he liked me more than his guitar. I enjoyed every second with him. So much so- that his place I was staying never had any food- The mom abandoned ship with good reasoning she had a bunch of teenagers just living at her house partying. My house was 10 mins down the road but I didn’t want to go home. I starved this whole time to the point I weight 98 pounds. It’s a struggle of mine to slow down and know things aren't going to disappear and if they do they weren't meant to be. Space is good, self reflection is good, and food is fucking good. I did my best to still provide to this party house we had. For thanksgiving I got my mom to buy a whole thanksgiving just for that house because I knew no one would have thanksgiving. That moment was special to me. He was facing a long jail sentence for breaking someone’s face, and the time came where he had to go to jail, and I was right there writing him letters. I think then he realized I was a true person. Our relationship blossomed over this time, and I wanted him so bad. He got released one day to go to his cousins funeral and I was there, I picked him up - My brother got him a little kegger for the ride and I met all his family. That was such an important thing for him and I am so glad I got to be that person to bring him- If nothing else that was the most important part of our relationship and something I’ll forever keep close to my heart. I remember him walking back into jail and he said just two more months it’s almost over- with his cute ass fucking smile. When he got out of jail he moved in with his friend from jail, but his friend was super sketchy and because we went to the movies and came home at 9pm his friend wasn't down and basically said he had to move out. Overtime he ended up moving in my house, and we had our typical relationship ups and downs- I feel like I wasn’t ready because I jumped so quick from a terrible relationship before that to this new one and I didn’t know how to be in a normal relationship. I made drama where drama didn’t need to be- He started talking to other girls- Shit just fell apart- He never communicated with me- I feel like anyways at the time. I’m not the best communicator myself- I was young and still had a long journey ahead of me, but something that has never left me to this day is my deep love for him. He’s the kind of person that is like a magnet, the one who just lights up your soul. You feel all sorts of comfortable around him, and his smile just makes everything else around you gone. Even the boring stuff isn’t boring- You are always excited to be with them. Magic feeling really.. and I'll always regret not giving it my all. I was so fucking dumb. Even being so dumb, he never had to talk to other girls- He ended up moving in with his aunt- I should have ended it there- We did need space he was right in that. We did good for awhile. I drove back and forth. I feel like I became controlling the same way my ex was controlling towards me- Its like I became my ex with his toxicity- I was so blinded that I was that way. I wanted him always, and you can’t have anyone always. We basically had a break up it was more of me being the one to initiate it but he had no want to be with me either- I believe it was over the messages I found between him and another girl. I blared the Eminem songs -love the way you lie, 25tolife, and space bound” during the car ride back to his house. We both balled crying and that was it. I tried to get back with him, and he was done. Looking back- I don’t blame him. There was so much good, but there was also toxic shit. We reconnected when he lived in another town and had his own place and I would go over all the time. The first time we kissed again it was all those sparks and love bug feelings- but turns out he was seeing other girls. He clear as day was seeing them but for some reason I just moved in. I changed my whole life to try and make it work. We both thought we were more mature and ready for another shot- But turns out he got into drugs and he wasn’t in a good head space. Things ended badly, super super badly. He got a gf we ended up physically fighting- Shit just went crazy. I almost got arrested because I punched another one of his fuck buddies in the face. I tried to be so cool. The whole time I was there I let every single emotion build up, all my hurt everything I didn’t want to be a burden like I was before. I sliced my wrist open so hard and so deep I could have bled out. I was drunk and didn't realize the strength I had behind the razorblade. My buddy who was at the house helped me wrap it up and everyone else wanted me to go to the hospital which also meant I'd be put in a physc ward, and that shit will never happen to me again. So I ran away. I moved back to my moms house, and I am leaving out a lot of the story because I’m trying to get to another part of the story. That was really the end for us, and then I reached out maybe 2 years later. I started dating someone else, and for some unknown reason the gravity of this world keeps pulling me back to him. Every single fucking time.